#i'm actually mostly just doing a lot of art

[olderthannetfic]

All this fic deletion wank has been rough to read, personally. Not in a "I find this upsetting" kind of way, but a-- I, as an author and creative, am now confronting a lot of my regrets kind of way. When I was younger I deleted fics because of harassment. And here I am over a decade and a half later, dealing with having removed my work from circulation again. In a different way, but the impact is mostly the same. Last year I put over 30 fics in a locked archive, the reason being once more because of mistreatment by people within the fan space they were for. I did it this way because I deeply regret deleting my old fics. They were part of my journey, and while a lot of stuff I find deeply embarrassing is still up on Fanfiction.net, it's not all of it. I wish I still had things to look back on, if only to remind myself that all the effort I put into writing actually led me somewhere. I've grown a lot as a writer, and it's sort of like... Not having any candid photographs of myself in my teen years. A piece of my life is just no longer viewable and only exists within memory that grows hazier over time. But when I deleted a bunch of fics in my teens, I felt extremely justified in doing so. I was angry and hurt and wanted to be vindictive. And I regret it. I didn't really come to regret it until I lost a lot of fic in strikethrough. Gone, overnight. And I still mourn those fics because my laptop they were stored on got borked and I no longer had copies. It suddenly clicked that even if I felt justified, a loss is still a loss. And it sucks. From where I'm sitting, I see both sides. I feel like sometimes withdrawing completely from a fandom is a valid thing to do. But I learned a valuable lesson about deletion over the years as I've watched more things crumble and disappear. It was an incredibly painful thing for me to lock away a bunch of fics last year, and I felt like I needed to for a lot of reasons, but I didn't want to delete things like I had before. I thought, in some way, I'd found a compromise. I give copies out. I open the archive for people to download what they miss. Because this felt like the only way to give myself some peace without completely destroying so much work and harming the people in the community who weren't part of the problem or reason I withdrew the way I did. But the more I read these takes, the back and forth, the vitriol and various perspectives, the more I wonder if I'm ready to let go of some of that pain from how bad things got in that fan space and open the archive again. You mentioned people who don't care, or treat having passion for your hobbies as a bad and/or cringe thing being boring. And something about that struck me. I poured so much of my heart and soul into those fics. Years of my life spent learning and churning out work and challenging myself to tackle narratives I never would have dared to dream of. I became a better writer over the course of creating them. Keeping them in the Restricted Section of my library hides away some of the work I'm most proud of, and even if I had what felt like good reasons to do so, I'm glad I learned the lessons I did when I did and kept them on the Archive even if they're hidden right now. It was my "right" to hide them, but I guess I've come to the conclusion here, watching this wank unfold, that the person I'm harming the most by keeping my work private and out of the hands of the community, is myself. That's my art. And I *am* proud of it. And I shouldn't let anyone take that from me. So thanks for letting the topic breathe. I gained a lot of perspective from it.

--

Aww.

[lunarriviera]

yet another shen yi meta [uts2 spoilers]

hi hey hello everyone i continue to be tormented with obsessive thinkings about s2 Shen Yi so i must holler about them/him some more, feel free to stop reading if you have not watched through approximately episode 11 which is where i still am. it's taking me longer to watch because i keep pausing to rewind/screenshot and/or weep in anguish about Him and What He Is Going Through. and how NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION. or insufficient attention. cf. Ryan Gosling in the Papyrus sketch screaming WELL IT WASN'T!! ENOUGH!!

[more. much more. behind the cut]

let's start here, with shen yi's artwork. in this scene he competed with AI to paint a chosen image and, surprising exactly no one, he won, partly because he's brilliant but tbh mostly because AI art is garbage and always adds dolphins, rainbows, and hands with six fingers.

but here's the thing: is no one going to question this? does anyone think to themselves "ah yes, shen yi is absolutely the BEST person in the world to make a painting in 30 minutes that depicts, quote, a lonely man on a beach." so here is this miserably hunched, despairing figure, surrounded by murky howling early-picasso blue, LOOKING IN FACT QUITE A LOT LIKE SHEN YI HIMSELF—even dressed like him (in the snowy white and dainty pastels he seems to favor this season)—and not a single person thinks: huh, wonder if this guy's okay?

in fact s2 seems to be repeated evidence of the fact that shen yi is Very Much Not Okay, and yet no one is really paying attention. he supports everyone else emotionally and they all seem to assume he either a) has no emotional blowback to deal with, or b) can deal with it himself unaided somehow. (through painting, maybe? but have you seen what he's painting lately? e.g. monstrous abusive parent figures, in some kind of breathless fugue state during which he can psychically hear lines from someone else's traumatic childhood?) he goes to li han's house to help her, which is so like him, and he says:

oh! you might think. well, maybe he will self-disclose a little? tell li han about some of his own personal difficulties that he's had to overcome, just to bond with her, get her to open up? HAHAHA ARE YOU NEW HERE, of course he doesn't, he just listens to her while she sobs out her tragic backstory, gives her a tissue, relates her struggles to a vaguely terrifying metaphor of his own device about a sealed room filling up ineluctably with floodwater, then smiles and takes her out for pizza. (totally unrelated but wow the product placement is heavy-handed this season. xiaomi! pizza hut!)

since we're talking about the li han case, consider this moment, too, when he interprets someone's house-person-tree drawing. does no one ever think, "for someone who talks constantly about love and connection, how interesting that shen yi has no family, refuses to date in very pointed and deliberate way, and lives alone with a cat."

shen yi knows all about love! never shuts up about love! constantly dispensing bromides about what real love should be like! and wakes every day ALONE from horrific guilty nightmares ft. creepy small girl in blood-red dress, pls will no one help this man pls he's drowning.

couple more bits and then i swear to god i'll shut up i'm starting to feel really stupid. but first consider this little story, in three parts:

"an image of despair" um okay well…technically it's just a dead body, albeit after a fairly grisly stabbing, but sure go off i guess

2. du cheng: wow even for you that was unusually poetic and weird

3. also du cheng: back to investigating the murder i guess [wanders away]

this kind of thing happens again. and again. either no one notices assorted horrified/devastated expressions on shen yi's face (in the way of classic extradiegetic reaction shots, where the camera sees them—we see them—but none of the characters onscreen do) or, when du cheng does notice, he's immediately distracted by his actual job, and/or the fact that he doesn't really know how to help his partner, because lbr he has all the emotional intelligence of a pony.

one more mini-story in three parts, and then i really will put a sock in it:

shen yi: why, what did i do. why are you looking at me like that

2. du cheng: bc you just lied your whole entire face off with alarming unsettling proficiency, since when are you that good at being dishonest

3. shen yi: hehe

in an earlier episode we also saw shen yi shouting at a suspect in the interrogation room, so convincingly that afterwards du cheng admits, you scared me. lol! says shen yi in carefree manner, i learned that from you! haha! agrees everyone, and they go about their business.

but ghastly things keep happening to and near him. at least once per episode, shen yi makes a face like this, because people are jumping off cliffs in front of him or abruptly smashing things with hammers or just lashing out with all kinds of antisocial behaviors in his vicinity:

to be fair, he has other expressions. for instance he also repeatedly employs his patented creepy ruthless smile, of the "i am going to fuck you up" variety, an expression reserved especially for criminals:

as well, i'm also leaving out all the ridiculously adorable/domestic scenes with him and du cheng, in which they share candy, roast each other about assorted nonsense, briefly co-parent a child, and, you know. are just generally disgustingly married. but that's a different meta.

also, admittedly du cheng does SAY things. he says, "are you still having trouble sleeping," he says "do i not care about you?" and "don't push yourself so hard" and "if you run into troubles, don't try to take them on alone." (i am sparing you all these screenshots since this is a meta about shen yi but trust me i have carefully accumulated every single shred of evidence in which du cheng is protective.) but, as frequently as du cheng expresses concern, he also just keeps clapping shen yi on the shoulder in a brotastic way and then strolling out. which i fear is just not going to be adequate. ("i don’t think this is literally papyrus. maybe that was the starting point but they clearly modified it?" "well whatever they did, IT WASN'T!! ENOUGH!!")

i leave you with two final images of shen yi, seen here continuing to be very much Not Okay, and to quote the bernie meme, i am ONCE AGAIN ASKING YOU, drama, is anyone going to care enough about this man to stop him going over the edge of the cliff with Evil Art Critic Eugenicist Moriarty Weasel Man? because he will, he will do it. because he's lonely and he's misunderstood and he's—

[cane comes out and drags me offstage]

[hercarisntyours]

Could you tell me more about your take/takes on human Elita?

And do you have any ideas for Human Optimus? I'd like to hear that too 😁

ofc!! I have stuff for tfone, aligned/prime and earthspark but as of rn only aligned is the most developed followed by earthspark lol, but I'm gonna include all of them so there's gonna be quite a bit

My tfp Elita is Argentine with major face claim inspo from Anya-Taylor Joy!! (who I think would be an AMAZING elita if they do another celeb cast for her) with her name being Ariel Caballero (meaning knight/horseman)

(this art is like almost 2 years old lmao 😭) she had strawberry blonde hair and a plethora of pink suits (like 2 years ago I had a humanformers boarding school au so a lot came from that) and she's sisters with chromia and moonracer! She'd be first lady (with op being prime minister ?? president ?) and military commander, and the niece of alpha trion! her not being in tfp gave me a lot of free reign omg 😭

I do have a human OP design!!! only tfp rn tho 😭 i'm thinking of ones for tf one and genuinely earthspark reminds me of a basic ass european descent grandpa so that's basically it for es 😭

He's Greek-Persian! (tho, general Achaemenid empire descent), I can't remember the name I actually gave him but I do remember Orion was his first name (he either had pax, a greek surname or a persian one 😭)

(ref by kibbitzer for the one on the right!!!!) Also old art lmao, he wasn't developed as far as elita was but i don't think that'd be a shocker based on my account 😭 He actually has freckles now but at the time of drawing those he didn't :')

back to the regular elita programming nowjdks

My earthspark Elita is Japanese!

Bushida Aeri is her name :) Bushida meaning warrior and Aeri being from ariel. I don't have many drawings for her but there's thesee

the first one is an old design for her but I still think it fits, the second being a younger Elita so like ig when she'd be Ariel in earthspark time line and the bottom is my most recent sketch of her!! I don't have a face claim inspo for her but Elita in general (not just earthspark) has always reminded me of Irene of Red Velvet! both leaders in pink lmao

For tfone there's like nothing new at all except this art

Esita Won, she's of Indian and Chinese descent, but mostly Indian, she probably speaks Punjabi or Tamil (ik completely different areas of India 😭), she reminds me of that one desi older sister who takes no crap and is not afraid to beat your ass and also makes the best curry idk

I noticed a lot of Elita's helm designs lean into traditional east Asian hair styles and clothing so I really wanted to represent those parts of her designs and the franchise's Japanese heritage :))

(omg i didn't realise how long this would end up being 😭😭)

[spider-jaysart]

Today I'm introducing a dear oc created by both me and my friend @paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 !!

Marco Grayson!!!

(Click for better quality) The first pic is their hero suit and the second one is their casual, default outfit

Name: Marco Grayson and Markoand'r in Tamaranean (which is a name of one of Tamaran's first Kings/Warriors "Markoand'r the deathfire". A little headcanon by @pin-crusher2000 )

Hero name: Starwing

Age: 6-7 years old

Personality: Fierce, stubborn, is always too brave without a care, sometimes is weird in his little way, often passionate/determined, and is a sweet kid with a good heart

Orientation: Gay

Random facts:

Marco is the third and youngest child of Dick and Kory

Marco's favorite Uncle is Damian. Marco looks up to him a lot too and they get eachother, since they're mostly similar in their ways, and are usually chaos together because of it

For others Marco is also close with besides him, it's their Siblings Mar'i and Jake, their 6 year old Aunt Helena Wayne, Wade West, and two playful civilian friends from school named Jarred and Lizza

Marco is in a hero duo with Wade West (aka The Blur) called SpeedStar. They are best friends who grew up knowing eachother ever since they were babies (another headcanon by @pin-crusher2000 )

Marco loves dinosaurs and they are their fave animal. They even own lots of toys and other things of them because of it and they also know lots about them too, because of their interest in them. Bruce and Marco bond over this a lot and on special days, Damian will usually gift them cool art of dinosaurs too

Marco's fave films are the Jurrasic park movies and they're also not the type to mind the gore and instead thinks horror like that is cool

Marco has the condition CIP, which never let's them feel pain at all. This causes many worries most times from family, especially their parents. Dick and Kory usually have to check them to see if they're really okay anywhere, even on normal days for anything, since they don't understand how bad pain is or what it's like at all, which can often make them feel overbearing to Marco, but they only do it cause Marco would never be able to tell them themself if there ever was a problem, so they both have to always keep up with them for their child's own good just to be sure

Marco actually has 7 stomachs while both their siblings have 6

Marco's voice sounds like AJ's from TellTales the walking dead games series in season 4, but slightly lighter on the heavy part

Marco is ticklish on their feet like their Dad, but their most sensitive spots are their ears and ribs

Marco will eat anything, which can also be concerning sometimes. They get this from Kory who isn't a picky eater and Dick who just be tasting anything that's apart of clues like it's normal💀 Marco's fave foods tho are cookie dough and their Mom's more stranger cooking, which are unlike her usual Tamaranean dishes

When Marco becomes a teenager in the future, they begin going by They/Them pronouns and have a boyfriend by that time too, who is Dorin (aka Green Troia), the Son of both Donna Troy and Kyle Rayner, and is also a popular supermodel who sometimes takes up gigs in his spare time (once again another headcanon by @pin-crusher2000 and that oc is created by him)

Marco got help on their hero suit from Mar'i and Jake and got it approved by Damian after immediately taking it to him for reviewing lol. Damian was impressed by the results of the design and the only thing he suggested was a mask, but Marco rejected the idea, since they like the idea of being free like their Mother and big Sis, which left Damian a bit grumpy internally but he just dealt with it lol

Marco is a proud member of the Robin!Damian defense squad/fan club with their Aunt Helena, since Damian is one of them that just gets too much hate a lot of times

Unlike others who often make fun or judge it, Marco actually loves Damian's horned boots and thinks they're so cool, since they remind them so much of dinosaurs

Damian has a nickname for Marco, which is Goofball

Marco is one of the only special ones Damian gives out forehead kisses to as a habit from Talia always doing it to him when he was younger. But it's only between them, cause he has a tough reputation to keep still lmao

Marco has the the unique ability called Starblast, which is being able to breathe out a huge blast of Starbolt energy from their mouth after transferring it from both of their hands up into their lungs (think like Godzilla)

When Marco watched fireworks for the first time at 3 years old, they got so excited and overjoyed from the show, so since Starbolts are so similar to them, that's when their powers finally came out, when they were imitating them with their hands

[kaiserouo]

Wow i actually have enough rendered pieces to make an art summary this year. Just barely tho

Ramble below, also template ref

Oh god where do i even start. This is the part where i reflect on myself and do nothing about it afterwards.

In thems of topics, it's mostly just apex d2 and wf. I've never made my own world and characters because most ideas that i have the motivation to make into art comes from me playing the game. Maybe that's why I don't really treat a lot of my original character as "original characters", because they're still bound to a game instead of, you know, born out of the blue i guess.

I barely did render this year... I mean, not just this year of course. I think I slightly got the hang of it these two months? At least I kinda have a pipeline that I can follow and could tolerate / fix some of my mistakes in the later stages (e.g., picking wrong colors for flat color and wanna fix it during rendering etc.). It's... kinda like OOP? Decoupling code? I think it just comes down to opening a million layers and not feeling bad about it. Anyway I think one of my improvements comes from here.

Another improvement would be the speed of doing sketches and the complexity of the lineart I can handle (idk how to say that). I need to draw comics and there would be a lot of people in there, so even if I don't practice specifically I still need to draw some human figures. The complexity part is due to me getting into warframe just because of how fucking complicated they all are. Maybe instead of lineart complexity I should say I'm comfortable drawing somewhat complex characters now without my brain overloading and immediately giving up. Still haven't drawn BT though.

That's probably all the obvious improvements I can think of. I didn't read as many books as last year, but the two main books I read last year are for perspective and anatomy, which I do find very very useful. I still often go back to check some anatomy stuff this year, and with me spam drawing comics I think I can draw human figures better than before... if I only consider proportion that is. I think I have to redo anatomy all over again especially for the muscle part. Also probably should do more real human reference practice... Well, you can probably guess why I said that at the start.

I do think the reason why I do so little rendering is because I mostly do comics. Most of my ideas have a plot and my idea list is waaaaay too long to actually color the comics. And as I feel more comfortable drawing comics I fear more when I wanna do rendering because of the skill gap I have between the two subjects. Also most of you come for silly comics so why do I do full rendered pieces anyways... Yeah, after typing that sentence I do feel wrong thinking like that. But oh well, I guess I can't escape the curse of liking to see numbers go up.

Speaking of numbers, here's some of them. Good thing I don't have to deal with Tumblr API myself.

That's... quite a lot of followers, for me. I mean I don't stay in only one fandom so I have no idea why most of you followed me. Also sorry to ultrakill fans I just don't draw a lot for that game but I see some of you liking a ton of ultrakill post and immediately follows me. Kinda felt that I baited you folks for following me tbh...

Also 3 of my top 5 posts (2234 > 1726 > 1641 > 1531 > 1321) are ultrakill and I only have 27 ultrakill art posts (a lot fewer than other games) so... um, maaaaybe you should consider unfollowing me to clean up your timeline...?

Aaand here are the note stats per month because I've already typed this much so why not just include literally everything in one post

The only thing I can analyze is that the note and post number started to lose correlation due to how much ramble shitpost I have these months.

Okay that's it. I intended to make another art summary for the lineart / unrendered art pieces, but there's just too many to choose from and I don't think you can infer more from these given that the rendered pieces already has lineart in them. Mostly.

[radiocmyk]

If I say "I'm taking a break until I have my PC back" but then you see me posting, it's not that I failed, it's just that I lied

[egophiliac]

hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O

unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!

my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not

[kirby-the-gorb]

[vulcanautus]

original dragon sprite edit

[galactic-rhea]

Thoughts on Padmé x Anakin x Rex?

Padmé and Anakin are so mutually obssesed they would first have to check into that before trying to bring another person to their carefully-balanced-kind-of-damage or something it's going to explode.

Honestly it's a fun ship! But I don't have too many thoughts about them because when I consider them is usually in very low-stakes-fun-AU-scenarios.

And I'm actually a bit of a fan of Rexwalker myself! Athough I tend to like them more as very good buddies, the covering-for-you-dynamic it's so funny for them, lol It's also angsty and complicated because, y'know, the power-imbalance and unchecked trauma? Is funny that the clone that's actually a slave for the republic is the most normal if you bring him into the anidala romance circus.

Also shout out to @phoenixyfriend , she has a lot of rexanidala fics and recs for anyone interested reading this!

[kakusu-shipping]

HELLO THERE

My name is Emile, I'm a Proship selfshipper who loves drawing other people's Self Inserts above anything else and for this week and this week only I am opening $10 RUSH ORDER SKETCH COMMISSIONS!

Do you want a drawing of you and your F/O for cheap and don't mind it being a little rough? Consider DMing me and you could get something like This!

For the low low price of $10 a sketch!!!

And as a bonus!! If you end up liking your sketch and would like it lined, colored, or even fully rendered, you can DM me next week and I will happily slash the price of a full piece just for you!!!

From right this very second through Thursday night my DMs will be open to anyone interested! I only have Paypal to accept payment so please be aware of that!

Thankyou for your time!

[non-un-topo]

My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔

[sysig]

A lot of early concept stuff was expression/pose brainstorming - there’s the classic six Webkinz emotions (which, I learned have been largely pared down to just four after a point! Since they got rid of Dr. Quack’s role, there’s no more “sick” expression and most ‘Kinz’ tired and sad expressions are the same! >:0 What’s the point of having an easily editable puppet with the spaghetti code intact that you have to put an image there AnyWay and not make a slightly different expression!! H’f) as well as the main Sakura poses - so if I’m already making up expressions, why no go a little further! :D

One of the expressions I definitely needed up top was Mischievous - working with a cat, that’s the only logical conclusion really. I think it’s funny that she swerves the compliment only to pay it right back as well lol

The ticklish expression is one I’m still going back and forth on! I’m half tempted to have it be somewhere between happy and angry - maybe a mood gradient, starting out just positive and slowly moving into “Hey stop! >:0″ if it’s too many times in a row? It’s a thought haha

Similarly so, messing with her ears - bothering your pets is a very important element of socialization (lol)

As seen above, I’d reallyyy like to figure a way to have a dual-visual mood system - both the ‘Kinz body language/expression/emotion and a more exact stat bar. I’m still chewing on this idea a bit, no pun intended lol. That and click-and-drag with an actual image you can drag around your screen, hm and hm! Much to think about. Her face here turned out cute and funny haha, helped me push the expression more comedic

Much better :) Webkinz already has some well-known food dialogue, my favourite is probably “Mmm to the mmmax!” haha

Each low-mood would have their own emotion tied to it, but what about somewhere in the middle? I like the idea of the ‘Kinz getting bored if they’re left alone for too long! And little paw taps, showing off her embroidered paw pad haha ♪

[wheucto]

it's tuesday! bfb taco as a cat cause why not

[moe-broey]

I. Did not achieve a lot today (understandable considering the circumstances), but. You need to See.

The SADDEST. SOGGIEST. Sharena I have EVER drawn.

Also maybe a little snippet as a treat...

You'll have to fight my messy roughs and handwriting for it though 😤😤😤

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.