#i'm absolutely on this shit rn
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sorry but again. what is this. why is this a dialogue. dalish elves are not trusted nor wanted in human society. they are actively hunted and oppressed and enslaved specifically in tevinter. elves are treated horribly. how in the world did this become elves worrying if other people like them or not.
#wh... WHAT. what? WHAT.#NKDMSGNFDGMKFD?#dav spoilers#I have 50 positive things to say about the game but holyy shit this is such a drop of the ball#I-- absolutely insane that this is the direction they thought to go with this#a fear of being inherently untrustworthy bc your gods are evil? really? in human-led society?#I'm literally kicking smth rn this is so.
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latest complaint on lando norris is his lack of enthusiasm after getting pole for tomorrow yet i seem to remember you all attacking him back when he used to celebrate with shitty comments like 'he's really celebrating a qualifying win' ... you guys are all sore fucking losers
#lando norris#i'm sick and tired of every fandom rn i can't lie to you because this is absolutely pathetic behavior#and it's people shitting on him who rep drivers that routinely place p15 so i'm confused as to why they're yapping
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After revisiting your "came back wrong" comic, absolutely wonderful btw, I came to a rather haunting realization.
Because it became true. But instead of Bloodmoon, it's Eclipse. And that's both much worse(for the characters), and much better(for the narrative).
Because both him and Lunar went through the same, and in a way seem to parallel each other, though that's probably me overthinking.
Both of them died. Both of them were blown to smithereens. Both of them came back after several months. Both found themselves in a body not their own. We've seen what they look like in every other universe.
Both of them came back wrong.
Lunar came back numb, quieter than before, with all their energy being a play. He came back running from unknown danger. They died a normal animatronic, and came back being more.
Eclipse is the opposite. He came back louder, erratic, full of madness. Where Lunar is running from unknown danger, he is sprinting towards it, not realizing the consequences until it's to late. Not to forget the star. Eclipse died being somewhat of a god, and came back as nothing more than a plaything, a puppet on a string.
In a twist of fate, they can relate best to each other now, and that might be the worst part for both of them.
Because what is there to do? Even though they understand, even though, one day, they might glance at each other and wonder "Do you feel the same?", they will never be able to confide in each other. Their relationship is beyond repair, and for good reason. Eclipse hurt Lunar, used and ab*sed him, and then blew him up.
This also opens up so much emotional baggage. What will Lunar think? Will he wonder "Do you regret what you did now, knowing how it felt?" Will a part of him feel the smallest bit of satisfaction? Will they ever be able to look at him at all, or will they forever hide away?
What about Eclipse? Will he feel guilty? He seems aware of the damage he has caused the celestial twins, even telling Ruin that he deserves what's coming for him, but he still showed no remorse when he talked to them.
I'm sorry this got so long, I am incredibly emotional about this right now, and I can't even begin to describe, how this makes me feel-
ANON OH MY GHOD /POS
DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST FUCJING BRAIN EVER. DID YOU KNOW YOU'VE CONNECTED THE MOST PERFECT DOTS KNOWN TO MAN. HOLY SHIT.
LUNAR CAME BACK AS MORE AND ECLIPSE CAME BACK AS LESS BUT BOTH CAME BACK WRONG AAIAUAUAYAGAGGGHHHHHH
#asks#anon#other's thoughts and rambles#THIS IS LITERALLY#I'M . OH MY /GHOD./ I CAN'T EVEN LIKE STRING TOGETHER A COHERENT SENTENCE TO TRULY EXPRESS HOW MUCH I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUR THOUGHTS HERE#UR LIKE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT ON THE PARALLELS BETWEEN THEM OMG. I WAS ACTUALLY LITERALLY TALKING ABT SMTH KINDA SIMILAR 2 MY FRIENDS ABOUT HOW#-ECLIPSE IS PROBABLY TAKING LIFE SO BADLY RN BC—JUST LIKE LUNAR—HE ACTUALLY /REMEMBERS/ DEATH#HE HAS EXPERIENCED LUNAR'S 'DIED AND CAME BACK' SITUATION FOR HIMSELF AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THAT#AOOUUGGGGGHHHHH#/AND UR POINT ABOUT HOW SIMILAR THEY ARE NOW BUT HOW MUCH THEYD HATE THAT/ UUGGGHHHAAAAAAAA#i'm gunna DIEEEE anon your mind is huge. holy shit. oh my ghod#if the world was a kinder place then they would have been closer than ever bc of this but instead they have never been farther apart :((((#absolutely insane and git wrenching ramble anon ily forever.....#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams#sams lunar#sams eclipse#lunar#eclipse#long post
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Congratulations! You aged.
🎉🎂🎉
#my art#horror#y2k#computer horror#cursed computer#horror art#creepypasta#In fuckin. Celebration. I guess???#For the record: it's the big THREE ZERO#and this is your annual reminder that I am old enough to know better#I have a lot of mixed feelings in general at the moment so.#Song is “The End” by Neil Cicierega#feel like the combination of a peppy beat and the absolute harrowing of Linkin Park's lyrics#coming from another room#while you're locked inside yours in the dark and isolated#is the best way I can describe how I feel rn its like#Not feeling great but I'm hopefull. I want to be hopefull. But I'm not feeling great.#ASIDE FROM ALL THAT#Ive been having fun with weird media stuff lately this feels like a REAL throwback to when I was 20#like I'm making stuff now I could only dream of#younger Shy'd lose her shit over this
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so my mom is currently trading emails with her ex-fiance (long story) and she is fighting for her LIFE because my aunt who loves nothing more than to spill everyone's secrets the second she hears them is over and she CANNOT have my aunt knowing. except to no one's surprise my aunt is the nosiest person known to man so whenever she sees my mom typing away on her phone she keeps trying to peek over and ask what the tea is because my mom RARELY texts people and my aunt knows it
#icarus speaks#my family rn is the funniest thing alive there's so much shit going spiraling#i'm obsessed#it's so messy and i am involved in NONE of it. living the absolute dream
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Dream if you don't give me the weed paint in TWO SECONDs i'm gonna BEAT Y
- ALT - DREAM: Look, I understand you wanted it DREAM: But you really shouldn't take stuff that isn't good for you BILL: NUH UH!!! DREAM: (i'm going to fucking kill this bitch one day)
- IDK - Moving my rambles in tags, also depending on if I finish another ask today I might double post!! AWESOME!!! (the next post I wanna do might be a bit difficult cuz I wanna make it a gif BAJFBH)
MAIN: @inkyu
Back | Start | Next
#Silly Ask#I'm almost finished with another ask and then I'll move onto another ask that made me go “holy shit I need to do that STAT!!”#Not really proud of how I drew front facing this time but WHATEVER!!!!#I struggled too hard on Dream's hands to the point where I said “fuck it we ball” and just decided to not re-drew anything and keep it as i#you're welcome... *sobs*#OMG Bill sans jumpscare!!! also AHHH sorry any recent asks I got#Also I like the idea of Dream absolutely HATING Bill#I think it's funny BAJHFBD (and also sense in ATDV Dream is a bit less positive (NM is passive but yeahh))#BY THE WAY#In case I ever stop doing daily posting just know that this blog wasn't intended for daily posting!#I just draw what I have time for (and I have a LOT of time)#But sooner or later I'm gonna have less time </3#I'm working on them RN!!! I just finished this one earlier#ask the druggieverse#atdv#dream#dream sans#bill#bill sans#undertale#undertale au#utmv#utau
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no bc why is my love for bakugo slowly resurfacing...
#my bakugo phase is coming back oh no (it never left)#NO BC S7 VISUALS HELLO#also it's important to note that i havent touched the manga in 2 years#i was absolutely traumatized by that first war and when i found out there was gonna be another war right after that i noped out#me and one of my best friends have chosen our mental health over whatever tf bnha has going on rn#but seeing edits of the characters got me so emo aahfkskdk i miss when i was obsessed w them 😔#aahhhh he looked so good in the s7 trailer or wtvr that was i'm actually losing my shit#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#bnha#bakugou katsuki#mha s7#bnha s7#season 7
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Many people have pointed out (in relation to Crocodad) how in Japanese the etymology of the word "wani" (crocodile) is a bit complicated to say the least and in mythology could mean a variety of things, including a shark, sea monster or a dragon
Which, of course, is quite an interesting coincidence. Crocodile does often get referred to as "wani" not just by Luffy but some other characters, and so it would be just a little funny if both of Luffy's dads were sorta kinda called dragons
There's also people pointing out how Zoro's mother was called "Tera", similar to terra (earth) and Sanji's mother was named Sora (sky). So if Luffy's birthing parent was named after a water-dwelling creature, well, it'd be cute and round out the monster trio's birthing parents in a funny way, since we'd have earth, sky and the sea
But what really is fucking me up about the whole wani-thing is the Myth of Toyotama-hime
So the TL:DR; of the myth is
The pregnant princess Toyotama came from the Ryuuguu Castle deep in the oceans onto land to give birth to her child, telling her husband that when she would give birth, she would revert back into her true form, requesting him to not look at her while she gave birth. But her husband could not keep that promise, so he peeked in on his wife, only to witness a giant wani giving birth. The sight of this horrified the husband so much he fled, while Toyotama princess was so hurt by what had happened that she returned to the sea, abandoning her child.
Indeed, this myth bringing up wani pregnancy is just. An interesting coincidence for Crocodad speculation
Of course, we know Oda borrows from mythology (fucking, Fishman Island's castle is literally the Ryuuguu Castle), so if Crocodad Real, it's genuinely plausible Oda could('ve) take(n) inspiration from that very myth
Thing about it is that though...
Like, if we're assuming Crocodile never fully realized he was trans until he got pregnant, then him transitioning either immidiately or as soon as he could after giving birth would make sense. Dude seeks out Iva-chan and gets the t-juice*, so on and so forth, but my question is like, would that have been before or after delivering the baby to Dragon (so he could then pass it onto Garp)
*(Or hell, maybe Iva-chan was there helping deliver the baby, helping Crocodile crack his own egg etc, maybe the secret Iva-chan is holding over Crocoboy's head isn't that they knew Crocodile is trans and could out them, but knowing Crocodile gave birth to god know whose child)
Because like
How did Dragon find out about his partner transitioning?
Did pre-T Crocodile tell him he was transitioning while handing over the baby? Or did he just leave without an explanation and allowed Dragon to just Take In The Change after it had happened whenever they saw each other again (if they ever did, for all we know he could've just walked away without talking to Dragon again and Dragon just found out either from Iva-chan directly or from seeing him on the news)
Or did Crocodile transition first and then deliver the baby to Dragon without any warning, again, just giving Dragon one hell pf a surprise
In any scenario, how did that even go down?
And we have to ask the sad question of... is Dragon a Bisexual King or not? And would Crocodile have been... afraid of Dragon's reaction? (This would've been a younger Crocodile mind you, who would literally have been just coming out of his shell, and that shit's scary man)
Because if Toyotama Princess is any indicator, this wani's relationship did not end well after her truth was revealed
Like, let's say Crocodile transitioned first and then showed up without warning as a man to Dragon to hand over the baby. Thing is, while we know VERY LITTLE about Dragon still, I can't imagine him being like violently transphobic or even lashing out at his partner when he'd come out. But I could imagine him being so shocked he'd be left utterly speechless.
And I'm not entirely sure which would be worse; Dragon outright but "kindly" telling Crocodile he's not into men and breaking the poor bastard's heart, or Bi!Dragon being too shocked to say anything, letting Crocodile to just jump to conclusions based on his reaction (and maybe then causing Dragon to jump into further conclusions (that Crocodile must actually be into women)), unintentionally causing a divorce out of sheer misunderstanding and literal lack of communication
And the sad part is, considdering Dragon is a very secretive man, who according to the Crocodad Theory can't even have told his partner his full name mind you... The miscommunication seems very plausible to me?? Does it not?
Or, maybe Crocodile delivered the baby to Dragon pre-T and told him he's going to Iva-chan without further explanation, jumping into conclusions, afraid to hear what Dragon would say. So he just leaves without explaining before Dragon gets to say a word. And Dragon just accepts it. Assuming he's the one getting dumped.
Either way, whatever might've happened can't have been good, can it
Also, considdering Garp is a fucking idiot (affectionate), and Luffy clearly inherited The Stupid from his grandfather, I would not be surprised if Dragon was also actually a bit of a himbo underneath that serious face he puts on (either that or Crocodile kept on smoking while pregnant)
Which could also turn what would otherwise be a tragic miscommunication into an absolute comedy if Crocodile and Dragon ever met again and the two realized that they're both idiots who jumped into conclusions and ruined their marriage by refusing to talk about their fucking feelings to each other. This is an absolute trainwreck of a family
But considdering the things Crocodile has done by this point*, would it ever even be possible for the two to reconcile?? Because, althought Dragon is pro-overthrowing corrupt governments especially if they're affiliated with the World Government, from what I can tell, he's still against unnececary violence (Vegapunk even comments that Dragon "hates war" in a flashback) and needless loss of life. And Crocodile caused just that.
*And I don't even mean the failed attempt at taking over Alabasta, I mean the drought Crocodile caused that caused countless people to starve to death and then caused the civil war which had already taken lives and permanently disabled people BEFORE the Strawhats ever even get to Alabasta. Like Crocodile's bomb may have been a dud but he still caused people to die for no reason, and I can't imagine Dragon being fine with that. But then again, Robin and other Baroque Works members also contributed to the loss of life and their sins have been neatly swept under the rug so IDK
And like. We don't know if Crocodile moonlighted as a Revolutionary for like 10+ years after Luffy was born and slowly went out of contact or if he just left immidiately. But theoretically, the two might not have even seen each other in like almost 20 years
That'd be a long time to carry a broken heart
How the fuck would you even heal from that
Also like
Crocodile did seem a little suicidal at Impel Down if I'm being honest
Like.
He had a dream of becoming Pirate King. But he lost to Whitebeard, and his dreams were ruined.
Dude had a master plan to take over a country that took him almost a decade to pull off, only for it to get wrecked in the final hour by a literal child.
His useless underlings then come and try to break him out of prison
And he chooses to stay
When we finally see his face for the first time in Impel Down... His mouth might be forming a smile, but those eyes aren't
And he even says it himself
"I didn't think there'd be anything for me to do if I were free"
Is it not like he has given up on life entirely..?
And sure, he does ask to be let out so he can get revenge on Whitebeard, but was it out of a genuine belief he could actually take down the old man or just a slightly more fun way to die than rotting away in prison for the next few decades?
You know the saying, "to be loved is to be changed"
Frankly, the same goes for the reverse. Being unloved, or believing yourself to be unloveable will change you. For the worse
#OP Meta#Crocodad#Sir Crocodile#I know I keep on saying I don't believe in Crocodad anymore and here I am back on my bullshit again#This asshole is the only thing keeping me from falling apart rn just please let me have this#I'm just so fucking intriqued by the storytelling potential here#Of what the fuck happened#If it's real#The tragedy could be absolutely devastating#Or you could have an insane One Piece slapstick reunion#I am extremely fond of the idea of The Disaster Family mind you#Because they could be so fucking funny (especially if you included Garp) (Holy shit can you fucking IMAGINE)#Like yes emotional reunion between Crocodile and Luffy yes sure#But please considder#Luffy somehow finding out and then demanding for an explanation from An Extremely Reluctant Crocodile#Who can't really do much because he doesn't have it in him to hurt his baby boy but also The Baby Boy is an unstoppable MENACE#The slapstick would be hysterical#Also I am pro-Bullying Crocodile#Moon posting#On a slightly less downer of a note to end on#While Crocodile might've given up on life before Marineford he certainly found a reason to live during/after Marineford#This was supposed to be a short post how did it turn into borderline fanfic
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No one is responsible for this election besides white people and implying otherwise is reductive, racist and frankly going to do nothing except for weaken community and coalition building we have desperately needed for decades if not centuries. Cause the reality is white supremacy created Trump. White people voted en masse for him. It wasn't latines, or Black men, or Arabs, or the Free Palestine movement. It will always rest squarely on the shoulders of whiteness as a individual identity and as a superstructure.
Stop fighting each other. Start fighting FOR each other. It will never ever be the fault of racialized people and anti-racists. Ever.
#donald trump#election 2024#I'm not doing great in my personal life rn but i just absolutely needed to get this off my chest#ik some of y'all're blaming arab folk and their allies for this are fucking white whos mommas and poppas probably voted for Trump and y'all#keep your mouths shut at that Thanksgiving dinner table. i know it.#get your shit together. idgaf if you feel white guilt idgaf what excuse you can think of#to make this not the sole fault of whiteness#you are not cooking. you are not smart. you are pushing people away who need you and whos communities will NEVER. be responsible for this.#and i for one won't be spending time searching for what type of marginalized communities i can blame for this#look in the mirror. then go out and build safety with Black & Brown folk. with the queer community and not just the white ones. with arabs#& latines and men and women and everyone else you can. protect and organize. plan carefully. stay safe and don't leave the sides of the folk#who need you most right now#because you feel you've cracked the code on what non white person is responsible for the actions of white people.#thats all i gotta say on the matter good night
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i really am the kind of bitch who loves reading textbooks huh
#not to be obnoxious but i totally do#i keep saying i don't have time for recreational reading but my biochem textbook? organic chem? physics? psych? chem????#i WILL get burned out eventually. i will. but rn i'm having sm fun w my full study days.#absolutely salivating to start sarah bakewell's at the existentialist cafe soon#a stack is sitting in my bookcase waiting to be read. i miss reading like i used to. i miss it sm#but i just got done w an intense study session and so. much. serotonin#i've just been studying and working out and taking walks and applying my lip balm and spritzing on a yummy perfume and vibing to music#and. as always. minding my own fucking business#studying and consuming knowledge is actually part of my self care routine. if i don't i feel like utter shit#someone talk science w me i would literally fall in love w u#p
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#dan and phil#weed#besties i am so high rn i am losing it#i took like one too many bong hits#started playing flight rising on the desktop computer bc it loads so much faster than my chromebook#opened youtube to have something on the second monitor#found dan and phil's fuckin lofi album???#lost my absolute shit about it#went to post about it from tumblr mobile but wanted to make this meme to do it justice so pulled up a meme editor on my desktop#(the meme editor had so many advanced text options since when have meme editors come this far??)#anyway made the meme realized my phone is at super low battery so decided to just log on to tumblr to post it directly from the desktop#even though i'm nearly exclusively a mobile user now and have been for years#so i have to log in to tumblr and now i'm experiencing making a post from the desktop site while still pretty blitzed#is it firefox that allows me to edit the tags after i've typed them or is that a desktop thing now#oh shit do i have any extensions on#depending on what imported from chrome when i changed my browser like six months ago this may be some sort of extension#whatever it is im okay with it this is great#i'm having such a good time right now genuinely#also watched chappell roan's hot to go music video for the first time during an interlude in the whole meme making process#there is currently a restoration video playing in the other tab that's been going for 10 minutes while i've been making this post#this is me living my best life honestly#i need at least one person to acknowledge the journey of tags on this post if only so i know I'm not alone in knowing my experience
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ALSO since it's winter and my innate need to be a nerd about music and browse music stores for new beautiful guitars I can never afford (3k custom order aahahahahahahah kill me cuz thats still cheap) is back I've been thinking.
Nr 1:
Gort strikes me as an organ girlie. But at the same time it would suit Durge much much more. Raphael lost his organ rights by being such a lenient little man at times. Like you play that instrument with your whole ass body. Big pipe organs are literally part of a house foundation. It's a massive and breathtaking instrument that's just absolutely insane and the tunes it produces are godly. It's also so inventive like, bro the instrument is a fucking house. Oppressive as hell. Thats Gort. That's just the mecha megalomaniac. But then its also positively divine and often related to faith. And its a lot of harmonies and shit mixed together like the Bhaalspawn r and it's rly just a blood sweat and tears kinda thing and it's just giving Durge vibes yk?
Nr 2:
This is probably exclusive to me but uh, modern Band AU whatever would have Gort play an e guitar and be capable of absolutely insane riffs and also probably frontman if we're honest while Durge plays classical guitar. And I have my reasons for believing that cuz not only r guitars awesome and very versatile instruments that can produce both melodies and chords by themselves the e guitar / classic mix also has this rly weird just durgetash dynamic. There are harmonies but there's also chaos and both are capable of being gentle and soft in their own ways but they're also played fundamentally different and usually take a different role but both are still very capable of breathtaking solos and I'm just being a fucking nerd on main rn and will shut up before I pull out my music theory power point.
#my only wish in life is to get to play a pipe organ#literally if i ever get to use one of those many pedals i can die happily#its such a fascinating and beautiful instrument#its so soft but also imposing and i just love it#also I'm not joking i spent way too much time looking at guitars and their accessories rn#somebody pls stop me#my babe just turned 10 and she's still in peak condition and i dont need another one#thats how it starts#thats how you end up with 10 of em#i did end up finding a pretty sweet black one with a golden ornamental design on the body#and its affordable too#but the necks colour is throwing me off and apparently the sound is shit....#and the one i know sounds absolutely wonderful sadly simply doesnt come with nice designs#nd customising a guitar is not smth i'd look forward too#esp the body#since that can fuck up the sound#like i loathe the design of my babe but also shes treated like a princess#im not even touching the strings myself and instead dragging her to a manufacturer#also weird fun fact about classic guitarists#they'll have long nails on one hand and short nails on the other#it makes finger picking and gripping a lot easier#okay i'll shut up now im becoming too much of a nerd
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it's 4:40 am and I'm feeling like shit. trying to convince myself it's just because it's really late and I'm tired and should just sleep, but. I still feel like shit.
so I want to buy something. I want to feel like there's something I can do, something I can control, and buying something is so easy. plus I'll know I'll get a nice thing in the mail.
but we're working on this, so I can't order anything now (literally had to ask my husband to change my ebay password for me because I could not stop myself from buying things there), and it's making my brain so very very upset. it's the nice, easy, comfy thing that I can always do no matter how bad I'm feeling mentally or physically, and now I can't, and it feels very bad. :(
#.. which just makes it more important that I need to work on it#I need to get a job. then we could afford me being absolutely fucking stupid about this.#but rn I don't have one yet and I am so very scared of trying to find onr so no I can't buy useless shit that I don't need#life is too fucking hard someone please just murder me I can't do this#no it's fine it's fine it's always fine. if I can just sleep it'll be better tomorrow#then I'll sleep all day again and wake up and feel like shit because I wasted yet another day and#oh well.#life goes on. and on. and on.#I'm so tired#personal
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when you can't tell if your feet are really cold bc the temp recently dropped and your body is just reacting to that or like. if this is an actual medical concern. or if it's nothing and your health anxiety is just overblowing it.
#i'm really panicking abt it tho like. i have socks on and the heat on by my feet feel so cold#i'm worried it's a circulation issue or like. idk blood clots#i feel woozy with anxiety just typing that#i don't even know how i'd know if it was that and i absolutely cannot google symptoms or i'll really start spiraling#i feel ill with anxiety and like i knowww like it probs is me just overblowing nothing#i've also had issues with temp regulation in the past esp in winter#one yr my feet were literally blistering and so so painful from the cold (i was living in a place with really shit heating tho)#like i know these things rationally. but i cannot stop the anxious spiral#i'm also home alone rn so that adds to the anxiety#anyways sorry for the oversharing ramble but if i don't type this all out i'll go mad#delete later
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sometimes what you need in order to love comics again is to read an entire omnibus of a really good comic in 24 hours
#this is about me absolutely devouring Hellboy comics rn#I'm recovering from my COVID vaccine and this shit is the best
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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