#i'm Extremely depressed rn
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Can't stop thinking about unhealthy co-dependent teen!fireskulls..
#directly related to that Matryoshka idea i had#Pump's fear of abandonment (which stems from his parents leaving for work) leading him to do stupid and selfish things to try and assure#him that Skid won't leave him#spooky month#skid and pump#skid#sm skid#pump#sm pump#skump#fireskulls#au#skid x pump#the idea I'm having rn is that Skid starts to experience psychotic symptoms and depression#and he's like hm maybe i should go to the doctor about this#but Pump is immediately like oh my god please don't because he's scared that if Skid gets medicated he'll realise how ridiculous and chaoti#that Pump is and won't want to be his friend anymore#so yeah gaslight gatekeep girlboss ig#(none of it would be romanticised at all btw)#they deal with their turmoil in different ways#skid draws and spraypaints his ''personal monsters'' (hallucinations. he doesn't know that though) all over the place#pump destroys stuff with his hammer and sets shit on fire#so yeah if y'all like the sound of that incredibly angsty (and probably cringe) au then I'll draw something for it lol#i just want skid and pump to be a little fucked up when they get older okay#sm 6 hinted that their personalities are gonna change (them getting upset and wanting to be better)#so this au would be that but cranked up to the extreme#they're still very silly and spooky btw they're not like edgy broody teens i'm not that bad /lh#i guess the best way to describe it would be like...#you know jinx from arcane? imagine if her character was split in two. skid gets her psychosis and pump gets her chaos and violence#wow i accidentally reached the tag limit lmao
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Perhaps my most controversial syscourse opinion but people are allowed not to want to get better. People are allowed to encourage alter separation. They're even allowed to want to get worse and to talk about it. Not recovering or even ever aiming to do so is not a moral failure or actually any kind of failure.
#god I could do with some alter separation rn not knowing who I am is extremely unpleasant#but I don't have the energy for that much as I don't have the energy for 'recovering' not that I'm very interested in what most people thin#recovery entails#syscourse#maybe I spent too long being constantly accused of being anti-recovery in regards to depression not to support people who#don't in fact want to recover#(my depression also will never be cured bc I'm never seeing any mental health professional ever again)
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#feeling so entirely disillusioned with life rn#the current ai situations is already shitty but the true ai wave hasn't even started yet. we have no idea whats coming but we are so fucked#at least a quarter of all the software job postings are for AI development now#if we're in capitalism hell rn then we're about to enter mega hell#i was only feeling a little depressed today after job searching but then#i went on youtube & was hit with the memory of what yt used to be before 2010#& seeing all those slick & shiny hd seo-optimized yt thumbnails suddenly disgusted me#but ai is about to make the internet a whole lot worse#ai is about to make art a whole lot worse - and not just visual arts. ALL the arts#(sf ballet (aka. the most prestigious ballet company on the west coast & who plays to 3k+ ppl per night) has no fucking artistic solidarity#& designed all their commercial art for the nutcracker this past xmas using ai)#ai is about to make the job market a whole lot worse#i don't want to be a raging fear-mongering type of person but i am extremely pessimistic & depressed about the future#or the near future anyways. i'm hoping that once the consequences of unrestricted ai reveal themselves further#that legislators will finally start taking it seriously & start doing something to protect workers from it#but somehow i feel it will be too little too late#personal post
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i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore
#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth#it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression#hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13#which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place#at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since#i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it#even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway#i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly#there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt#i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone#and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry#i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig.#nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating#i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could#wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over#nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that#(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse)#tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐#sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche
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Me: Well I guess I'll try to communicate with people at work more
*exceptionally bad day happens*
*Selective Mutism appears*
Me: Oh..........
#this has been me the past 2 work days#a manager tried to get me to clean a body fluid biohazard on thursday& I flat out said no#I said that even if I'm okay with it(it was 🤮 and I have emetophobia so.......)I'm not doing it since it's literally a rule#A rule that managers have to handle body fluids#Given it was the only time ever I've seen no direct managers on shift#It was a grocery manager& bakery manager that day upfront#AND LITERALLY THAT DAY BEFORE ONE OF THE ACS MANAGERS& THE PRODUCE/FLORAL MANAGER CLEANED UP DOG 💩#I don't have the best judgment of telling how people think of me but it seems like the acs manager& as manager were pissy towards me?!??!?!#Yesterday when I was there#Tbh it could have been the extreme uptick of customers#order sizes& Karen's yesterday but still#my audhd or bad anxiety or depression or avpd said BBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#so yeah I legit can't talk to most people rn unless I feel like I'll get in major trouble#autism#inattentive adhd#audhd#avpd#anxiety#depression#mental illness#selective mutism#mute#mutism#situational mutism
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I haven't been feeling good enough to do much in general for weeks and I've been drawing on and off but not finishing anything to the point of wanting to post it but SOON hopefully I'll have something bc I have a lot of half done things and a huge need to sit and draw w my colored pencils for hours ndkjsfdkjs
#been warming back up to art the last few days via just sitting at my desk#and scribbling in gel pen / colored pencils anything that comes to mind#and random shapes over and over#bc i get very caught up in every little thing being presentable#and m always gotta combat it#I've been extremely depressed and sluggish but the past few months I've had a lot of health issues back to back then piles of stress added#m have a tiny bit of room to breath rn bc my health's been holding out at the normal level of bad#and it's enough for me to feel like I'm breathing again after a while#I want to do things#i want to create things and draw and write#i just still have to fight for space to do it bc i have the smallest desk known to man and only my room to dwell in rn#kass speaks
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no rey you cannot kill yourself bc of english, yes rey you have to take the stupid test on friday even though we've had state testing all week and everyone's brain is fried, no rey you CAN NOT kill yourself to get out of it
#rey's chats#and this is how i became depressed and extremely suicidal last time#i'm gonna be pissed if it happens again#by that i mean gets worse im ok rn
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i hate how i can literally feel myself sinking into a depressive episode and there's nothing i can do to stop it
#i've been extremely busy and stressed this past week or so and so have withdrawn from any friendships i have and now that's finally all over#but since i now have so much less to do it's become all the more apparent that i've been completely isolating myself and am entirely alone#and i feel like i've just been left to watch myself get more and more depressed without being able to do anything about it#and like i would try to get out and go talk to some of the people i was talking to before but i seriously just don't have the energy#and it doesn't help that all of these friendships are kinda shaky rn anyways either bc they're new or bc they're long distance#idk i'm trying to keep the neg feelings at bay but i'm scared i won't be able to much longer. and if that happens my life will be fucked. so#sorry actually the fact that i'm anxious about my future depression is so funny i hate this#shut up hanna
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I have no idea what my brain is doing today but I do not like it
#everything feels Wrong and Bad and I can't figure out why#like I'm simultaneously hyperaware and derealizing. super depressed and weirdly excited. absolutely anxious and afraid off my ass.#what the fuck is going on brother#doesn't help that my body is extremely unimpressed with living rn either#armchair speaks
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If you have time, please go write a message of support on Junya Ikeda's tweet. {tri. Jou's V.A.} Please be kind and respectful if you do.
#kido jou#koushirouizumi posts#koushirouizumi no rb#koushirouizumi no rb posts#koushirouizumi jou#(Im waiting to see if someone else can make a better post here for me to rb bc im not using public Twit)#(F*ck I'm so f*cking worried)#(This is NOT Good)#(tw Depression)#(Apparently Junyas extremely depressed right now)#(PLEASE write a KIND message of support and DO NOT MENTION HATRED FOR RELATED ROLES OR SERIES)#(DO NOT COMPARE HIM TO ANY OTHER V.A. OR THE LIKE IF YOU DO)#(This is what incessant hatred of a role or new voice does to a V.A. you all gD I hope he'll be ok)#(I'd send a hand written letter in support but I dont have any inter national stamp right now)#(Post office is like 25+ min away with traffic and long lines)#(Just getting the stamp will take a whole day)#(I can still try but the letter wont get to him until next week probably and by then)#(Yeah anyway GO WRITE MESSAGES OF SUPPORT PLEASE)#(I literally just saw the tweet rn im still in shock)#(From now on heavy flat out insulting of Junyas performance around me is BANNED and I WILL BLOCK YOU IF YOU TRY)#(We can talk about the tri performances all day and I'll give my honest thoughts if asked genuinely but I am NOT COMMENTING ON)#(tri!JOUs publicly rn)
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I was gonna try and write today but then I remembered FF16 came out today and even though I don't have the ability to play it right now, my favorite FF youtuber is streaming it so I'm watching that instead lolol
#I also had yet another job application get rejected this morning so I'm extremely depressed#not really in the mood to do any writing atm so laying in my bed injesting a new mainline ff into my eyes is just what I need#but also since I did a whole bunch of post game shit on my last ni no kuni save from like 2 years ago yesterday-#-I have so many gx ni no kuni au brainworms atm#which is frustrating since I have so many things I'm yrying to work on rn I don't need more ideas until I knock out some of the current shit#abby's fanfic writer power hour#abby's self deprication hour
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#p#i weighed myself#well... i hit a big number#atm im like... extremely overweight#im on a diet#which is nice and delicious vut it doesn't fill me up#still I'm following it#the problem is that lately I've spending so much time in bed#i... Don't have much energy#but i need to move#even walking is hard and im so out of breath#working out isn't sometimes i can do rn#too risky#im so depressed#i was at my perfect weight and then i gained 20 kgs...+#fuck my life#jfc
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right person, right timing, right? | a charles leclerc social media au | pt. 1
pairing: charles leclerc x figureskater!reader (fc: jennie kim and some yuna kim)
after almost a decade, monaco's two-time olympic women's figure skating champion, y/n l/n, moves back home for her retirement.
notes: y/n's career is inspired by kim yuna's career! hopefully it’s not too confusing to read and follow 😭
disclaimer: typos. swearing. chatgpt french. i'm not the most educated in figure skating, so pls excuse any mistakes! photos aren't mine, nothing here is factual.
masterlist ⋆ next
nbcsports
92,932 likes
nbcsports Y/N L/N announces retirement after 2024 World Championships
The Queen of Figure Skating has taken her last bow.
NBCSports writer Kyle Smith tweets word that Y/N L/N, whose bid to become a fourth-consecutive World champion was narrowly denied today by the United States's Carolyn Rivers, has confirmed that she will retire at the age of 25.
The Monegasque superstar will end her stellar career with the 2018 and 2022 Olympic gold, three world championships, and the distinction of never finishing off the podium in her senior-level international career.
Read the rest of the article now on our website.
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user no. fucking. way. please say sike rn
user God I don't blame her, figure skating is turning into math these days. She deserved that gold.
user ik monaco is depressed as hell rn LOL bc same
↳ user The way that's so accurate because imagine the #1 athlete representing your country is all of a sudden retiring. 😭😭 Monaco literally only has 2 Olympic medals EVER and they were both won by Y/N, if that doesn't say how significant she is to the country then idk.
↳ user i heard they even nicknamed her "Ice Queen Y/N" 😭😭
↳ user Yes, she is called "La Reine des Glaces" in Monaco!
user no hate to carolyn at all but she isn't rlly a complete skater. i'm extremely disappointed with the judging today
user wow i suddenly can't read
user Nooooo not my favorite skater ☹️
user i can't imagine watching a competition without y/n present :( such a major loss for the fs community, but i wish her the best in her retirement! 🥺🥺
user she just did one of the best performances i've ever seen, just to end up winning silver?? make it make sense fr
yourusername
liked by _kagavovskay_14, mlnmarta and 140,861 others
yourusername chez moi est là où est mon cœur, je t'aime monaco 🇲🇨 SEE TRANSLATION home is where my heart is, i love you monaco 🇲🇨
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graciegold95 Beautiful 💞
↳ yourusername 💞💞
user are you quiting skating forever? :(
↳ yourusername i’ll be taking a break for a while but i will always skate, just not competitively! ❤️
user Nous regretterons de vous voir compétitionner, mais nous espérons que vous passerez une retraite incroyable, notre reine des glaces. SEE TRANSLATION We will miss watching you compete, but we hope you have an amazing retirement, our ice queen.
↳ yourusername Merci beaucoup ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Thank you so much ❤️
isabeau.levito 🥹❤️❤️
mae_meite Je te souhaite tout le meilleur, jolie 💞 SEE TRANSLATION Wishing the best for you, pretty 💞
user so beautiful
user Bienvenue chez toi ! SEE TRANSLATION Welcome back home !
user i can’t be the only one wishing for charles and y/n to reunite (and get back together) now that she moved back to Monaco 😅
↳ user STOP BC LITERALLY ME TOOO 😭😭😭
↳ user omg i thought i was the only one who remembered they dated
y/nupdates
5,211 likes
y/nupdates Y/N attending a fundraising event in Paris! This is her first appearance since announcing her retirement three weeks ago 🥹
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user I already miss seeing her on the ice 🥲
user omgg her wearing chanel is everything
user aww she looks so happy!!
user How did charles fumble her
↳ user i'm pretty sure that it was just the wrong time for them :(
↳ user Ik that they broke up bc she moved to Canada for skating but why couldn't they just do long distance 😩😩
user y/n will forever be my celebrity crush 😍😍
leclerc16
2,332 likes
leclerc16 Charles in Paris with fans today!
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user seeing everyone surrounding him overwhelms me and i’m not even there 😩
user am i delusional for thinking he’ll somehow see y/n in Paris 😭😭
↳ user I mean they also both have been in Monaco the past two months and so far no interactions between them 😐
↳ user well no interactions that we know of 😁🤔
user charles looks so bf here
yourusername
liked by chanelofficial, lorenzotl, arthur_leclerc and 160,323 others
yourusername merci @/chanelofficial de m'avoir invitée 💞 SEE TRANSLATION thank you for inviting me 💞
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chanelofficial 💞💞
user face card never declines
user so pretty 😍😍
user omg not arthur AND lorenzo liking this pic?? 👀
↳ user the logical side of me thinks it’s normal bc they all grew up together but at the same time it’s kind of sus since it’s usually just Arthur liking and not both🤔
↳ user 😭😭😭
user wait i’m confused why did she retire at such a young age?
↳ user It’s actually quite common for competitive figure skaters to retire “early.” Y/N hasn’t stated an official reason but I’m assuming the physical and mental exhaustion just got to her, especially because the sport has been favoring difficulty over artistry lately 🤷♀️
mlnmarta
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 33,522 others
mlnmarta Les aventures avec sa tante Y/N sont ses préférées ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Adventures with her Aunt Y/N are her favorite ❤️
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yourusername le temps avec Chiara est mon préféré 🥰 SEE TRANSLATION Time with Chiara is my favorite 🥰
user the cutest duo 🥹
user Why is this y/n girl suddenly everywhere
↳ user umm y/n and marta are childhood friends lmao they’ve always posted each other! i think the internet has just amplified everything recently
user so does y/n have no job now lmfao
↳ user I'm like 98% sure she's gonna end up being a figure skating coach or an influencer or both
↳ user guys she's literally still working with her sponsors and i don't think they're dropping her any time soon
↳ user Chilllll she deadass just retired
user NO WAY CHARLES LIKED
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, lorenzotl and 597,390 others
yourusername Je voulais juste remercier tous ceux qui sont venus me soutenir lors de ma dernière présentation à Monaco. Je suis infiniment reconnaissante. Ce n'est pas la fin, mais plutôt le début d'un nouveau chapitre. ❤️
I just wanted to thank everyone who came to support me at my final showcase in Monaco. I’m endlessly grateful. This is not the end, instead it’s the start of a new chapter. ❤️
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yourbestie À couper le souffle. Je t'aime ❤️ SEE TRANSLATION Breathtaking. I love you ❤️
user je n'ai pas pu m'empêcher de pleurer en regardant 😭😭 SEE TRANSLATION i couldn’t help the tears from falling while watching 😭😭
user you’re amazing 🫶🏼
chanelofficial 💞💞
adidas A true queen 👑
user WAITTTTT CHARLES LIKED
↳ user It’s aggravating to see Charles constantly being mentioned in Y/N’s comments. Other than that, this is a reach. I think everyone is forgetting that Y/N is highly respected in Monaco so it’s not unusual for Charles to like her photos. You can even check; all of Charles friends and other well known individuals from Monaco are also in her likes.
↳ user lmfaoooo it’s truly not that deep girl, it’s okay to smile
user her adding in her own translation is so real of her 😭
user There will never be another skater as graceful and talented as you 🥺🥺
f1gossip
12,388 likes
f1gossip Charles Leclerc seen with ex-girlfriend Camille Dubois driving around Monaco. Many fans were convinced he was back with a different ex, Y/N L/N, after Charles and his family were spotted at Y/N’s retirement showcase last week. Always Mr. Indecisive 👀👀
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user bruh 😐
user This is crazy wtf i’d be pissed if i were y/n
user CAMILLE AND NOT Y/N BYEE i’m sliding down the wall punching the air sobbing bc what the hell
user i’m going insane contemplating the possibility that y/n and charles were always just friends and never had any intentions to get back together
user not what i wanted to see first thing in the morning 👎
user guys was it all in our heads
#f1 instagram au#f1 social media au#f1 imagine#charles leclerc x reader#f1 x reader#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc au#f1 smau#charles leclerc smau
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Hi, I just read your hcs about reader struggling with anxiety and depression, it was really great! I am also sorry you're going through tough times rn, I really really hope you'll feel better soon. Tbh I've been going through something myself and reading the Sinclair brothers' hcs, it reminded me of an idea I've wanted to eequest for a long while. I would like to request for the Siclair brothers (separately) x gn!reader headcanons where the reader struggles with mental health issues, but since they don't really leave Ambrose they can't get to their medication. How would they approach the brothers about it, would they hide it, how would the brothers react, you know.
Of course you can work on this when you feel like it, if you're not feeling like it with what's going on in your life. Or scrap the idea altogether, or add whoever you want. Thank you so much for letting me get my thoughts out tho <3 You are valid. You are loved. You are seen.
thank you for the kind wishes, i do appreciate it :) i tried to keep this relatively inclusive as to what exactly reader is suffering from but some stuff may be a lil specific. and don't worry, writing helps distract me so i'm happy to do this <3
SINCLAIR BROTHERS x GN! READER WHO NEEDS THEIR MEDICATION
BO SINCLAIR
You absolutely tried to hide it at first. How could you not?
Bo wasn't exactly... understanding about that kind of thing
I mean, you've seen how he acts with Vincent sometimes and thats his own brother. You don't want to imagine how he'd treat you if he knew...
But you knew the longer you went without your prescriptions, the more difficult things would get
It started small. Your moods would change randomly and very drastically - one extreme to another or you'd have trouble sleeping or oversleeping or - your least favorite - you'd lash out at one of the brothers for seemingly nothing
Bo noticed. He didn't say anything about it because he assumed that, if it was that important, you'd tell him
So when you had a full on meltdown on the kitchen floor one afternoon, he was blindsided
He had no idea it'd gotten this bad and, unfortunately, his first reaction was to get mad at you. He yelled at you, tried to get you to pull yourself together. After all, if you had been suffering, you would've told him! Right...?
It's not until your crying abruptly stops that he realizes he fucked up. You shut down on him, near catatonic as he tries to apologize
He's scared. And when he's scared, he lashes out. You know that. It still doesn't make it hurt less
The brothers agree that there needs to be regular trips made so you can get your medication. Lester offers to take you since he's the one who goes to town the most anyways
You and Bo get into an argument about it once or twice because he doesn't understand why you wouldn't tell him
His heart breaks a little when you tell him you didn't think he'd believe you or would look at you differently for it
He reassures you that no, never. He totally understands the moodswings, the angry episodes you have, those things
Once you're on your meds again, you two promise that if anything major like this happens for either of you, that you can always lean on each other
Bo takes time getting there but he grows to understand you and figure out how best to help you!
VINCENT SINCLAIR
You tell Vincent pretty early on that you need medication
While you don't give him many specifics as to why, you tell him that life will be better for all of you if you keep taking them
At first he's a little apprehensive of letting you go into town so Bo goes with you to pick it up
Not because he doesn't believe you! But because he's scared you're still trying to escape
He wants to know what they're for so he's not above snooping around to read the labels
(You'd tell him if he asked but he didn't know that)
The amount you take surprises him and he tries to think about what you're like off them, in a morbidly curious way
He is, however, insistent that you're taking them consistently and without interruption. Vince makes sure you take them every day and gets on his brother's cases if they give you a hard time about it
They're not cures though. You both find that out the hard way when he finds you trembling in the corner of his shop like you were in freezing weather. The panic attack was violent and took you by surprise but Vincent holds steady
He sits with you, humming soft melodies to try and ground you
When you're ready, he hugs you and you just break down into tears. You'd never wanted him to have to see you like this, you don't want him to think you're some fragile china doll who can't take care of themself
But he would never see you like that. You explain that, while the meds make them less frequent, you're not cured completely
Things will slip through the cracks sometimes and that's okay! He'll always be there when you need him
When he catches you scratching yourself anxiously, he buys you gloves and makes sure you keep your nails short
He catches you picking at your face and gets you small bandages you can place over the spots so you don't obsessively pick
Vincent is always doing little things to try and improve your quality of life, even if you're taking medication!
LESTER SINCLAIR
You don't really tell him but you also don't hide it from him either
He notices you taking pills every morning and every night and is able to put two and two together
Probably asks you what they're for once you two have been dating for a bit but it doesn't really change much in your relationship
He's relatively chill about it though and offers to take you into town to pick up your meds
Likes to hoard pills for you so you never run out - it's an irrational fear of his but you think its sweet
Whenever you get sad, Jonesy and Lester are both right there to comfort you however you need
Sometimes, when the bad thoughts get too loud, Lester catches you staring vacantly into the bathroom mirror or out windows and he worries
One night you wandered out into the woods, barefoot and freezing, just because you felt so out of touch with your own body
Everything felt fake and floaty and you just needed to be out somewhere harsh and grounding and real
You love Lester, you really do, but there, in the forest all alone, all you could think about was how empty you felt
He finds you early the next morning and he was clearly worried sick, still in his sleep clothes with just a flashlight and an anxious Jonesy
Once at home and warm from your shower, he pleads with you to talk to him about it
You finally spill about how you've felt completely dissociated from yourself, even with all the meds you're taking, and it just got to be too much
He gives you a hug and you both agree to try and find other ways to shock you back to reality that don't involve you wandering into the forest at night
Turns out, an ice cube on the back of the neck works wonders to snap you out of whatever stupor you've found yourself in!
Lester is as involved with it as you'd let him. Never ashamed or afraid to lend you a hand with anything!
#🔪 creeps writes#slasher x reader#slasher fanfiction#slasher x s/o#house of wax#bo sinclair#bo sinclair x reader#vincent sinclair#vincent sinclair x reader#lester sinclair#lester sinclair x reader#sorry for the way i write bo#i feel like i write him accurately though
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been feeling EMOTIONS today and thats. fRUSTRATING.
been on a "trying to reinvent myself" kick as I'm (HOPEFULLY???) coming out of a depression spiral and I'm working at the store i used to work at and its SO SO NICE LIKE ITS ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
and i'm like. i need my hair cut (check, but it looks bad rn). I'm dying it as blonde as possible, I'm switching my glasses I bought a new purse (pumpkin purse!!!) and i wanna start wearing a cowboy hat and idk. coat/cloak whatever idgaf anymore i WANNA LIVE MY LIFE AS I WANT TO!!!
and like!!!
i'm writing about that! in winning hats! and goddamn it where does the "reinvent yourself" arc come from the writing vs. whats happening to the character where do the lines cross or blur
cause the whole reason i've fixated on loop's hair is cause I've been planning that hair cut IRL
I'm also noticing a lil more like. confidence???? in myself? and letting go my "need to people please at all extremes or else i will die" by going "Actually i want to be a bit of a cunt. new era new me. i can't live for others every second i need to take up space and accept myself as a person worthy of living life and being an inconvenience"
I DON'T WANT TO RELATE SO HEAVY TO LOOP OF ALL PEOPLE THIS MOTHER FUCKER WHY DID THIS HAVE TO LINE UP!?!??! FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#personal stuff#i wish i had the loop plushie SO BADLY i want to throw them against the wall how dare they fuckign do this to me
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not sure if anyone has recomended monster x mediator yet but its such a fun game despite being quite short. the game is supposed to have mutiple routes eventually (which I'm not sure are supposed to be yanderes) but the one it has rn is complete and definitly fits the yandere vibes. If u like things that mix horror with humor and have a funnily pathetic but still terrifing yandere this one is a trip. Also the fact that the guy is a monster that looks like a madness combat character adds to the charm of it in my opinion lol
I'll be honest, I was a little skeptical about this game, but I saw how pathetic he is and now I'm very much on board. This game is supposed to have four different routes, but currently only has one for now. The comedy and horror is well balanced in the game itself. If you want to try out the demo, you can play it here.
The story starts out with the MC taking on a job for a large sum of money. They are currently in debt and need money quick. After receiving the first half of the money, they are directed to go to some abandoned building to get the other half. After receiving it, they are then told their task to go inside of the building. If the MC tries to run away, they will be shot on the spot. If they accept, they will be faced with a couple of doors. Their boss will then tell them that there are monsters that behind each door, and that the MC's job is to get all of them out of the room without dying.
Going into the red door, the MC is pretty much immediately knocked out before waking up and finding a large monster hovering over them and thousands of things pasted up in the walls. You can successfully get him out of the room in three different ways but can also be killed a couple of other ways as well. The first thing he does is declare himself as the MC's biggest fan, getting so excited that he grips his axe menacingly. If the MC gets him too excited, they will end up killing the MC. The monster (later revealed as 404), talks about how much he loves the MC's fanfiction blog and how he was really sad and depressed when the MC blocked him and even sadder when they stopped writing all together. 404 also reveals that he is such a big fan that he also knows all of the MC's passwords and even their bank account, with all of the fanfiction that they written pasted on the wall. 404 then asks if they want to see where he kills everyone and if they can write a fanfic for him.
If the MC is curious about where all the dead bodies are, 404 will bring them into another room to show them. We learn a lot about 404: he doesn't know what kind of monster he is, doesn't really need to eat, loves to kill with his axe and seems to have regenerative abilities considering he was shot in the head and was completely fine the next day. The MC can have two ways to get him out of the room, both of which are hilarious. The first way is to literally beg 404 to leave by pleading desperately (do you know that let me rizz you up meme? That's what you do) until 404 gets tired and does it for his super star. The other way is to seduce (?) 404 by telling him that it would be sexy of him to leave the room, which works well. We also learn about the facility itself, that 404 has been living there since as far as he remembers, that he loves killing the various people that come in, doesn't like the MC's boss (finds them annoying through the walkie talkie) and pretty much only kills and reading the MC's blog.
If the MC decides to oblige 404 with his obsession, they will start to write on a typewriter as 404 stands behind them excitedly. He keeps on asking the MC to add more and more things, making it 100 pages instead of 10, making the story a romance, making it a romance between him and the MC (noting that "the name Nick is the same as his username", which is a huge stretch).
If the MC refuses to write 100 pages, 404 will end up getting extremely angry and hold the MC by the throat, calling them and humans "bitches". He will start to kill the MC, crying and feeling despair as he kills the MC by choking them to death.
If the MC does oblige, they will write the most god awful fanfiction (their words) and end up pretty much just holding the a key until it fills all 100 pages. 404 ends up crying out of happiness at such a beautiful gift and leaves the room, just as the MC wanted.
First of all, I think that the game does a good job of balancing the horror elements with the comedy. I did not expect to like 404 this much and definitely did not expect his personality to be like this. I did feel it was interesting that 404 believes that the MC's writing would "fix him" and even laments that even though he knows it wouldn't, he still wanted to try when he was killing the MC in a choke hold. He basically is a very feral online fan who meets their super idol (which gives me a bit of incel vibes), but not enough to be extremely obvious, much more than other yanderes, with him saying like he's a gentleman, or that he isn't angry at all despite the fact that he got blocked. I also love the various ways that you can get him out of the room, and just how obsessed he is with the MC. He seems to mostly be an obsessive yandere, with him pasting the fanfic of the MC's work all over his walls, delusionally believing that he is the same character that the MC writes, confessing his feelings to the MC while they're writing, not killing the MC (since apparently he's killed every other person that came in) and wanting the MC's writings to fix him. He is also a pretty pathetic type of yandere, hoping desperately that the MC (and their writings) would fix them, crying when he does kill the MC and generally seeing himself in their writing, but also rather dangerous just due to his violent nature. It's fun to see dangerous but pathetic yanderes since I feel like that's something that I haven't seen to much.
I am curious about how the other monsters will be like. It seems that as of writing this, the Knight Monster is currently delayed, so I guess we'll see if he ends up being a yandere too. I would recommend this game just on it's humor and interesting kind of intrigue about why these monsters are in the buildings themselves. He does look like a madness combat characters, you're right.
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