#not really in the mood to do any writing atm so laying in my bed injesting a new mainline ff into my eyes is just what I need

[aberooski]

I was gonna try and write today but then I remembered FF16 came out today and even though I don't have the ability to play it right now, my favorite FF youtuber is streaming it so I'm watching that instead lolol

[thefourthwifeoftengenuzui]

Hiiii bonten Rindou hc???? Pleaseee. Love him frr

To be honest, I intended for this to be almost exclusively for haikyuu… BUT FOR YOU MY FRIEND! *pounds chest* I SHALL GIVE YOU THE RINNY OF YOUR DREAMS. Also you didn’t specify what kind you want so ima give you my finest shit, which happens to be my head cannon prowess. (Totally not because I hate writing dialogue, no,no, that’s so stupid 😳) Also important side note: I aint spend days finishing the Tok rev manga not to use it tf outta here. Tokrev and Jjk content is welcomed proudly.

idk if I’ll make a part 2, but on the off chance I do, look foreword to girldad Rinny content.

status: unedited

warnings: cursing, slightly sexual situations (but no smut), mafia bs, blood? Fluffy bullshit, Rindou being a dick hole, the ick, my bad Spanish

💜Bonten Rindou Hataini. Headcannons~💜

The first thing off the bat, I definitely think he is on the demisexual spectrum. I know everyone else be saying that he would be all about just sleeping around like that, but to be honest, I think that that’s more of a Ran thing. I feel like the only reason he would go to strip clubs and shit like that for work, and would actually be really grossed out when people would coddle him. If he was to have a significant other, it would have to be someone he has known for a long time, or from his old delinquent days. My best idea would be a calm friend who would give him the notes from his skipped classes. And in return he’d take them out for food or some shit. Somewhere along the way y’all would just be like, “we’re totally together right?” “Duh, why else would I put up with you.” Yeah he a lil bitch.

Any way, as for him as an adult, all I gotta say is “Mmmm Papí ¿quieres una besito?~”. Like Jesus Christ man has no right being this freaking fine. Sexy Jellyfish ass boy

Yakuza Daddy🥵. This man will spoil the everlasting shit outta you, and go to Walmart for his own shit. But had does it in the most obnoxious way possible. He gets you a necklace? “Hey babe, gotchu this, your old one was musty af, take better care of your shit.” Awww you want a new dress? “Sure babe, but just know that thing barely covers shit, and will be gone by the end of the night.” You want something just random? “Wtf am I a walking ATM? No, pick it tf up, I’m buying it, you can’t stop me. Quit arguing before I buy you 3 more.”

But when it comes to himself? Yeah he only indulges in suits and Jordan’s. Other than that, he has an avengers shirt he had since he was 12 and a pinball machine. That’s the extent of his possessions. Well that and the watch you got him for his birthday, but shhhhh he can’t let you know he cares ewwwww.

Man is literally the biggest (for lack of better word) Tsundere. Like Top three in anime. Like you got 1.Kageyama 2.Sasuke 3. Him. Like manz would rather die than say he cares. His love language is quality time and gift giving, so he’s more show you he loves you, but won’t say it first. The kinda mf that when you say I love you to them say, “Yeah I know, I love me too if only there was someone out there who loved you.” Like manz is so obvious I wanna kiss him to shut him the fuck up. (I think I have a type.) like bro the me love you tf?

In terms of icks there is one thing I no for fact. This mf wears socks to bed. And not the cute fluffy kind. The musty ass crusty socks he wore all day, then stepped in water, and now you gotta deal with it while yall cuddling. I hate this mf.

On a more serious note, because of his Bonten Bs, he doesn’t have a lot of time for us. So we make time. His time. We just barge in during his meetings, lay across his lap, watch TikTok’s, while everyone (him) are just looking like “is this bitch serious!?” >:|

Anyways, because he’s so busy all the time, the majority of what he wants to do when he gets home is just to sprawl out on the couch and just stay there. You can cuddle with him too or whatever he doesn’t mind🙄. But fair warning, he’s the kinda dude who is only ever in the mood for either ww2 documentary’s or like deep sea documentary’s. Like mf has the same movie taste as my dad, I can’t with him. It’s a good day when you can convince him to try something actually entertaining. And you know what he picks? The Fucking exorcist. He’s an asshole. The kinda dude to pretend he’s unfazed, but his left leg physically won’t stop shaking.

speaking of movies, I know I say this every time, but scream Halloween costumes. Yes. Give me Rinny as ghostface please, I’ll freaking sell my soul. Especially if it’s not the robe but one of the like dry fit and leather harness- *incomprehensible pterodactyl noises* 🥵

anyway back to cuddling, his go to position is literally the Hakari and Kirara thing. Like this mf will always have a hand on your ass. He doesn’t like PDA but this? Yeah you can’t stop him. He is an ass guy, it’s just where his hand naturally gravitates.

I cannot explain the urge to play daddies home by usher every time I see him. Like he and my baby daddy Gojo have partial custody over that song. Like bro. Yes.

Tbh I don’t see him having a big wedding. Or any wedding. I think his thing would be just handing you his debit card and saying “pick some shit out. No, don’t worry bout the price I’m rich for a reason.” And after that yall just elope to some tropical place across the planet for like a month.

speaking of travel it’s a pretty common thing for you. Just that it’s always last minute. Like bro don’t even give you time to brag to the your friends. Man just pulls up 10 minutes before y’all need to go to the airport and says, “get ready, we’re going to France. How long? Idk a month? Boo hoo bitch. Stay home then. Mhm that’s wtf k thought”. Manz is such an ass but you gotta love a walking wallet.

My last thought I’m gonna share is how he physically won’t use nicnames. Like babe is the physically most he can bring himself to do. Maybe baby. He gives himself the ick every time he thinks of doing anything else

all in all, he’s the one who is always there for you, and expects the same. He’s a great guy, under all the stress and yakuza bs. Treat him well, or I’ll treat him better😤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ sorry this took me so long to write, I’m working on another request too, and more importantly, my final exams for collage, love that. But even do, if you liked this, please like and request something, and I will definitely be posting. Love y’all so much, I’ll see yall later.

[solaeter]

Having a Fragile s/o - Ryomen Sukuna

Headcanons are the bane of my existence, but here I am trying to make some yet again lmao. Sukuna is my guilty pleasure to write for atm while I try to think of things for other characters owo;;

Warning[s]: None aside from any possible errors.

❁ Honestly, this bastard will probably mock or berate his fragile s/o in the beginning of their relationship. Partially to be an ass and also to see if they have any fight in them.

❁ If he hurts their feelings, well he definitely won't apologize but he will take a step back and try to see it from their standpoint. That's when he realizes that hey, his s/o really can't handle much and that day to day tasks wear them out to the point of collapsing if they exert themselves too much.

❁ Very protective. Will murder anyone for his s/o, not really caring for the possible consequences. No one will lay a hand on the person he loves or rest their souls.

❁ Sukuna will probably complain but also be willing to cater to their needs. Like helping his s/o carry bags around or just help them move about in general. He doesn't like seeing how they struggle and he curses whatever god gave them this type of hardship.

❁ Will tease his s/o occasionally just to get them to pout. He finds it adorable when their little nose scrunches and they whack his chest so pathetically, goodness it makes him want to laugh and hold them simultaneously. 

"Aw did I make the little baby upset?"

❁ On days Sukuna's s/o can't get out of bed or they fall sick, he'll worry more than he shows. He also lingers by their side, often caressing their cheek when they sleep or making sure there's a rag on their head if needed. Sure there are other things he could be doing, but leafing their side leaves a bad taste in his mouth so he stays until they wake up and force him to be productive.

❁ There are some days where Sukuna is grouchy and he'll take his mood out on his s/o. His words might have a little more bite to them or he'll make things harder when they're trying to do something. He gets a kick out of their struggles during this time and once he calms down, he'll make it up to them somehow. Most likely through cuddles and small words of reassurance.

❁ Refuses to leave his s/o by themselves for long periods of time. There's no telling what could happen to them, so he's always nearby and if he can't be around them, he urges them to stay put at home. 

"Don't even think about stepping a foot outside." 

❁ Sukuna low key admires his s/o and their determination to live the best they can. He can see the toll it takes and how every little thing impacts how they go about their days. He knows they're fragile, but he also knows they're so strong for carrying on. And with that, they have his heart in the palm of their hand.

[shittylongcatposts]

A/N: hey guys, i'm sorry that i'm kind of inactive this week... I just don't have the time and the right mood atm especially after this evening. Anyways! I needed to rant about something a little bit and ended up writing more than planned. Mostly because i just want some jumin cuddles.

Ehm ... I'll also hide it under the cut, there are some swear words, and it's... It gets a little bit sad.

For Jumin's three week vacation you both decided to visit your family. You missed them all so dearly that seeing them, after everything that happened in the last months, made you cry rivers. When you first made plans, Jumin told you to book a hotel for the both of you, but when your mother heard that you wanted to spend your vacation in your hometown, she invited you to stay at her home. The guest room she prepared looked lovely and when Jumim opened the door to it for the first time he gasped. It looked like a hotel room, the duvet lay perfectly on the bed, the towels ontop were folded like birds or swans (your mother showed you how to do this once but you always forget how to actually do it).

A few days later, you nearly introduced Jumin to the whole family. He got to know your mother, your grandparents and some of your aunts and uncles and last but not least your father.

He came by your grandparent's home when you all sat on the patio enjoying a cup of the same old Cappuccino that you drank when you visited them after school. The one that your grandmother used to serve exactly at 3pm and always three cups of it, one for you, one for your "Öpimöpi" (grandpops) and one cup for her.

Now, after many years, there was another cup placed in front of Jumin's place, who quietly looked around, enjoying the view into the garden, listening to the silence of the town you once called your home. The birds sang and he could hear cars driving down the main road in the distance. The pigeons on the roof sang their song. It was beautiful! And then he heard steps.

It was your father and your younger brother. Before you could even jump to greet them both of them pulled you into a tight hug, and while you hugged your father, Jumin noticed that tears began to build up in your beautiful pair of eyes. But with a quick dry swallow they were gone again. As if nothing ever happened you started chirping again, playfully joking with your little brother. Dancing around and chasing each other through the garden, oh how lovely you two looked.

But throughout the whole evening the young man noticed that neither you nor your father exchanged a lot of words, only here and there a few sentences, a quick walk through the gardens, but you didn't tell him that much. Only about a few things that happened around here and some small exciting news in his life. (He offered his help a pregnant woman to renovate her house)

Your little brother however talked a lot with him, and with you. That little boy seemed to be quite charmed by the stories his sister shared with him and how you met Jumin.

When you finally slipped under the blanket that night Jumin tried asking you about the situation. However you kissed him good night, trying to please him with a "it's fine, I promise, Jumin. Let's go to bed, ok?". And with that you turned around, pretending to be asleep. Jumin knew it wasn't fine, but he also didn't want to pressure you, so he pulled you closer and tried not to worry too much about it. Only seconds after Jumin fell asleep, tears streamed down your face, you couldn't hold them back anymore.

Another few days later you decided to visit your old gymnastics training, it felt good to see all the familiar faces again. That one little granny you liked a lot, the other one who always forgot your name and especially your trainer. She hadn't changed a bit, and still enjoyed torturing the attendees of this course. When the torture ended you jumped into the car your mom lent you with wobbly knees. You started the car, turned onto the street and drove the way you so often drove down when you still lived here.

Down the long street, onto the main road and past the only ice cream parlor of this small town. You drove further and suddenly you saw two persons out of the corner of your eyes. They walked down the road and one of them looked pretty familiar. It was your father. Next to him stood the young woman with the baby resting in a kind of baby towel. They both ate ice cream and even though you only saw them for a mere second, you felt a sting in your heart. The last thing you saw in the corner of your rear view mirror was your dad, laughing, probably joking around with her. He made that weird step to the right, that thing he always did when he had to laugh while he was walking.

It hurt so bad to see him like this. Because you wished you were the one he just told his crappy joke. You felt your heart breaking into pieces, and wanted to cry so badly, but you could only sob, trying to concentrate on the road.

The minute you opened the door and slipped into your shared bedroom you collapsed on the bed. Jumin, who just watched you come in, quickly put his book aside.

"Darling what happened?" He asked, one hand rubbing over the small of your back, the other trying to put some of the loose strands behind your ear.

"I'm a failure, Jumin, that's what happened. I just… I can't hold it back anymore." you whined, and for the first time Jumin watched you crying, not because of anger or joy, no, because your heart was broken. He didn't know what to do or say, wishing he could tell you that you were the love of his life and not a failure to him, that he loved you no matter what happened. But he couldn't speak, a big lump in his throat silenced him, and stole his voice. Instead he continued to stroke your back, always reassuring you that he was still there. When your sobbing got worse he pulled you into a hug, softly placing kisses on the crown of your hair.

"Mc, i don't know what happened" he whispered, finally finding his voice again "But you are not in the slightest a failure. You are the most precious human being on this earth…"

"Shut up Jumin, I know I am, I fucked up. Look at my father, he can't even spend time with me, but with everybody else. That was the case and it always will be like that. Why doesn't he want to eat a fucking ice cream with me! I just want to be able to talk to him for god's sake."

"Shh… Mc, you're upset I get that, but I'm sure that's not how it is." He tried to calm you. Pulling on his pajama shirt, your eyes red from crying, you looked up at your boyfriend, letting him see how broken you were.

"Jumin, it's always been like that, since I was six, my dad and I lost each other and never found each other again. I love him with all my heart but it hurts so much sometimes."

The young man pulled you tighter to him, cupping your cheeks with both of his smooth hands. His thumbs rubbing away the tears that still streamed down your face.

"It's going to be ok, my princess, I promise." He kissed you again, this time his soft lips brushed the tip of your nose.

"Maybe we should talk to him tomorrow? I can come with you if you want to - I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, darling."

You didn't want to, but you knew Jumin was right. You should talk with him. Tell him how you feel, how much you 'suffered' all these years. Rubbing the last few tears away you nodded. Jumin's fingers brushed over your shoulder wandering further down to squeeze your hand. "Thank you Jumin. And I'm sorry I got so… emotional."

"You know that you can tell me everything, my dear. I want to help you in any way possible and I really wish to stand right beside you at all times." He smiled softly. With a sigh you leaned into his chest, listening to his heartbeat always calmed you down. His breath evened out and while you both enjoyed each other's presence the steady sound of his breath and his beating heart let you finally fall asleep.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Heart-Shaped Box 💟 6

Warnings: noncon/dubcon sex, obsession, possessive, breeding, sex pollen, spanking, oral, menstruation.

This is dark!Bucky and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: You accept a job as an au pair, but not all is as it seems.

Note: Okay so probably the last chapter until the weekend. I gotta work, I gotta go do social shit I’m not into atm, I gotta live my stupid life. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter. You make me so excited to write and all your encouragement and awesome comments and memes make it even better. Know that I am forever thankful for all of you and the energy you put into this series is just as important as mine! Love you all. <3

Leave some feedback, like and reblog if you can <3

You weren’t allowed upstairs again, though you were no longer bound. You were brought your meals as usual and your pills. It didn’t stop. The undeniable longing. It remained even when he was touching you. When you were lost in your lust; writhing and pleading for more. And when he finished, he left you worn across the mattress as you lingered in a haze of desire and shame to sink into a fitful sleep.

Each day was the same as the last. A perfect predictor of the next. Even in your dreams, his hands were on you. It all blended together. You were slowly drifting away. Far from content, you were compliant. If it kept him from tying you up, from leaving you helpless to the unscratchable itch, you did it. Lied to your own mother, debased yourself for a sliver of relief, surrendered to him entirely.

You lost count of the days. You didn’t care. It didn’t matter. There was no way out. Besides, you were just as guilty as him. You let him use you. You didn’t fight, not hard enough. It was easy to smother your pleas with a single touch. To subdue your body with his. Maybe, you wanted this too.

You groaned as you rolled over. Your stomach hurt. Cramps. And your back was wracked from sleeping heavily on your shoulder. You opened your eyes and gasped at the figure standing over you. James watched you passively as you woke. You were still naked. Had been for a while. He hadn’t brought you any clothes.

He tore the sheet from around you as you sat up. His eyes narrowed and he sighed as he stared between your legs. You looked down. You were bleeding. Had it really been a month? You gulped and glanced up at him. He shook his head and turned away.

“Breakfast,” He pointed to the table as he strode past it. “I’ll get you something to wear.”

You watched him go and slowly got off the bed. You pulled the sheets from across the mattress and bundled them up. He returned as you left them at the corner of the bed. He handed you a pair of panties and a plain black dress. He didn’t look at you.

You took the clothes and went to the bathroom. You cleaned yourself up, searched out a pad, and dressed. He was at the table when you entered and you sat across from him silently. His fork scraped the plate as he shoveled back the omelet.

“I…” You stopped yourself before you could begin. Were you really going to apologize to him? You should be relieved. You didn’t want a baby; his baby. And yet, his disappointment worried you. His could barely conceal anger.

“We’ll try again,” He grumbled. “Eat.”

You picked up your fork and used the edge of it to cut out a bite of egg. You stared at the table.

“You still have to take your pills,” He said. “Don’t worry, I’m not afraid of a little blood.” You blanched as you looked up at him and nearly choked on your eggs. “I’ve read it helps with the cramps. Maybe the mood swings too.”

You rolled your eyes at him but stayed quiet. You ate in silence.

“I’ll have to up your dose though,” He said. “And you need to eat consistently. It’s wasteful and counterproductive.”

You let out a long breath and scowled. He was really annoying you. You didn’t want to think about this right now. Your uterus was slaking off quite painfully.

“You get a day.” He declared as he cleared his plate. “Now finish your breakfast.”

“Yes, sir,” You muttered. 

💟

You had one day. One day to lay in bed and try to ignore the cramps. You got your meals on time but James didn’t linger. For that, you were thankful. You couldn’t tolerate both your body and him at once. You slept heavily despite the pills and when you awoke, you were almost refreshed. Until you heard it.

The subtle metallic whine of the faucet and the spray of water as it pattered onto the porcelain. You sat up as James emerged from the bathroom. He wore only a pair of grey sweats and his biceps bulged as he crossed his arms. His jaw ticked as he stared down at you.

“Come on. Time to get cleaned up.” He said.

You blinked at him dumbly and didn’t move. He sighed and moved closer.

“I’m not going to tell you again.” He warned. “So hurry up. You’ve got a long day ahead of you.”

You frowned and stood. You stepped past him and he turned as he watched you. You yelped as his hand met your ass. He slapped you so hard you had to catch yourself on the door frame. He was close behind as you entered the bathroom, steam coiling from behind the shower curtain.

“Get in,” He yanked the hem of your night shirt. 

You pulled the cotton over your head and let it fall to the floor. You heard another rustle behind you and glanced back as his sweatpants gathered around his ankles. He tilted his head at you and nodded to the shower. You slowly slipped out of your underwear, careful to fold the fabric over the pad.

You stepped into the shower as James followed. You reached for the loufa and he caught your hand. “No sense cleaning up just yet,” He pressed himself against your back and you felt his arousal.

You dropped your arm and lowered your head. His hands ran down your arms and you shivered. His fingers crawled along your lower back and he gripped your hips. He pulled you back a step and kicked your feet apart. The water flowed down your face and you closed your eyes.

He guided his cock along your ass and prodded at your entrance. You arched your back and reached out to catch yourself against the tiled wall. He pushed inside you smoothly. You hissed at the ripple it sent along your spine. 

“See how easy it is to be good,” He growled as his metal fingers hooked around your shoulder, his other hand still firmly on your hip. “That’s all you have to do is behave.”

He jerked sharply with the last word and you held your breath. His pelvis slapped against your ass loudly as your wet palms slipped down the tile. He bent you lower as he drilled into you harder and harder.

“But if you’re bad…” He snarled. “You can stay down here for good.” 

You pushed your head back as you bit your lip. You hummed as the current flowed through you. As he plucked at your core so expertly. Your arms shook and your voice grew louder and louder. You moaned as his hand slid around your throat and he pulled you back against him. He had you on tiptoes as he rutted into you.

“Tell me you’ll be good,” He rasped. “Make me believe it.”

“I’ll be good.” You gulped out as the water rained down your face and chest. “I’ll--be--goooood.”

You clawed at his wrist as you came. Your entire body spasmed as you murmured. You leaned your head back against him as he slammed into you. His heavy breaths mixed with the steam and encased you in flames. He turned suddenly and pushed you against the tile, your chest crushed against the cool wall.

He grunted as he plunged into you. He twitched as his entire body rumbled and he swore loudly. He leaned on you as he came and his hand slowly fell from your throat. He shuddered as he pulled out of you and cum and blood gushed between your legs. 

You didn’t move from against the wall immediately, not until you felt the scratchy loufa against your arm. You looked over as James offered you the sponge. You pushed yourself from the tile and took it wordlessly. He pinched your ass as you turned to face the shower head.

“Mmm mmm,” He hummed. “I am starving. I think I’d like some bacon for breakfast.”

💟

Make breakfast; check. Wash the dishes; check. Wipe the table; check. 

Your roster of tasks was simple enough. You went about each under James’ supervision. He loomed in your peripheral as he watched you. His blue eyes were intent, wary. This was a test. He was waiting for you to slip. Just once and you’d be back in the basement.

Next on your list; laundry. Easy enough to figure out the machines. He showed you where the soap was and the softener. His gaze felt heavier as you bent to load the clothes into the machine. His hand grazed the bottom of your ass, your panties barely hidden by the short skirt he’d selected for you. He was quick to retreat as you closed the washer and grabbed your list once more.

“Um,” You reread the next bullet point. ‘Dust the office’.

“Well,” He intoned. “What are you waiting for?”

You shrugged and went back into the hallway. You found the duster with the mop and broom in the kitchen closet. He let you guide him to his office though you paused before it. You remembered that day he’d caught you in there. You hadn’t been nosy enough, you mourned.

“Go on,” He reached around you and turned the handle. 

He nudged the door open and waited for you to enter. You slowly crossed the threshold and glanced around the office.

“Top of the shelves get dusty,” He said as he passed you and sat behind his desk lazily. “Shouldn’t take too much, though.”

You started with the bookshelf and lingered on the aged photo. It was him and Steve, long ago. A war-era jeep in the background and several other nameless soldiers. You replaced it and continued on. The top shelf gave you pause; What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Pregnancy and You, How to Track your Cycle, The Science of Fertility…

You turned away and went to the mantle of the artificial fireplace. You dusted as you ignored James. When at last you went to dust his desk, you couldn’t avoid his gaze. You peeked up at him and he seemed all too amused by you. He sat forward in his chair.

“You’re doing well but… you’re awful quiet. I need you to answer me when I speak to you.” He said. “You know the rules.”

“Yes, sir.” You replied as you ran the feather over the luger. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” He smiled. “When we have guests, you may call me James, or Bucky if you’d prefer it.”

“Guests?” You lowered the duster and shook your head.

“Not to worry, that won’t be for some time,” He sat back and the chair groaned. “You should focus on yourself.” His eyes drifted to your stomach. “On your duties.”

You swallowed and went back to dusting his desk. You were quiet again and he cleared his throat.

“Yes, sir,” You forced you as you neared him. “I understand.”

“You must,” He caught your hand as you brushed over the side of the desk. “It can take some time but there are… means of assistance.”

“And…” Your heart began to race. “If I can’t?”

He smirked. An unsettling smirk. “Let’s hope that’s not the case.” He let go of you and pointed to the corner of the desk. “You missed a spot.”

💟

Several days passed. Ticked off like tasks on your list. After the first day, James left you to work on your own. He’d check in momentarily but didn’t hover as he had. The front door was locked and the latch did not turn. You tried several times but found it as impenetrable as that below. 

And so, you went about your routine. Tedious and dull. As you got to the upper floor, you felt drained. You were tired of it. The same shit every day. Cleaning what was already immaculate. Tiptoeing around your keeper. You yawned as you entered the children’s room. A grim omen of his plans.

You sat on the lower bunk and held your chin in your hands. You had finally stopped bleeding. Your hips weren’t so sore and you felt somewhat normal. Normal? Is that what this was? You rubbed your forehead as you thought. You could feel the walls coming down. He was slowly chipping away at you; slowly taking what was left of you.

You looked up and saw the ballerina on her single leg, the dinosaur and his stumpy arms, exactly as you’d left them. You were so stupid. You huffed as you stood and knocked the toys over. The dancer fell and her foot snapped off as the dinosaur bounced under the bed. You kicked the ballerina again and grunted in frustration.

What were you doing here? Day after day of this domestic bullshit. You were going crazy. Crazy enough that you contented yourself with your hours spent above dusting and vacuuming like it was some prize. Crazy enough that you obeyed James without argument. Crazy enough that you let him use you over and over.

You stomped over to the shelf of teddy bears and swept them onto the floor. You tore the drawers out of the dresser and emptied them onto the fluffy rainbow rug. You dropped them one by one and jumped on them until they broke. You stripped the beds and threw the sheets onto the pile of wood. You ripped the heads off the plush animals and added to your collage of destruction. You stood out of breath and stormed over to the window and tore down the curtains.

“What are you doing?” The voice made your blood freeze. You asked yourself the same as you slowly turned around. James sighed as you stared back at him. “You know what this means.”

“I-- I’m sorry,” You gulped as you kept to the other side of the heap. “I was just--- James…”

“Get over here now,” He sneered. “If I have to drag you, it’ll be worse.”

“I’ll clean it up,” You pleaded.

“Oh, you will. But first, you will get over here.” He pointed just beside the bunk bed. “Now.’

“Yes, sir.” You whispered.

You clasped your hands together and hung your head as you stepped around your mess. He grabbed your arm as you neared and pulled you close. His hot breath singed you as he hissed in your ear.

“Bend over. Hands on the bed.”

You slowly bent and placed your hands on the bed frame. He was quick to tug your skirt up past your ass and your panties down. He tutted as he groped your ass and slid his fingers between your legs. He drew away, a thick silence strangled the breath from you.

“You’ve been a bad girl.” He said. “Not only have you made a mess but you’ve lied to me.”

“I didn’t--” Your voice cracked as he brought his hand down across your ass.

“You didn’t tell me you were done bleeding.” His metal palm left your skin hot as he pulled away once more.

“I… I’m sorry, sir.” You croaked. “I… I’m just… I don’t know.”

“Shhh,” He hushed you as he struck your ass again. “The only thing I want you to do is count.” He spanked you again your legs trembled. “That’s three.”

He brought his hand down again and you squeaked out a ‘four’. Each number came with more effort, more pain, and he didn’t stop until you were speechless and sobbing. He slipped his fingers under your collar and pulled you up.

“Knees,” He ordered you. You fell to the floor weakly. “Go on.”

He glanced down and you followed his gaze. The bulge in his jeans betrayed his excitement. To your shame, you felt your own slick along your cunt. Your hands shook as you reached out and unbuckled his belt. He watched your fingers as you nervously undid his fly. Your ass brushed against your heels as you knelt before him and you flinched.

You shoved his pants down, then his briefs, and he sprung out. You gripped him firmly and ran your hand along his cock. He stopped you, his metal fingers firm on yours.

“Mouth only.” He warned. “Make it good or I’m strapping you to the bed.”

He let go and you dropped your hand. You shuddered as you raised yourself on your knees. You hovered your lips before his cock and he poked you with it. You opened your mouth and took him slowly. Impatient, he jerked his hips and you gagged as he hit the back of your throat. You swallowed and forced yourself to take all of him. So deep you couldn’t breathe.

You slid back and then forward again. You spread your spit along his length and pressed your tongue to his shaft. He groaned and his hands rested on the sides of your head. You grabbed the front of his pants as you began to rock against him. You built a rhythm as your gulping created a sickening beat. 

He buried himself entirely and held you there as your head began to pulse. You struggled for air and you feared passing out. He glided out, only long enough for you to inhale before he slammed in again. You did your best to keep time with him, to try to measure your breaths, as you clung to his thick thighs.

He stopped again and pulled out entirely. He shoved you so you fell back on your ass and you coughed and wiped the spit from around your mouth. 

“Up,” He snapped as he stroked himself. “Now.”

You stood and he grabbed your shoulder with his other hand. He spun you around and pushed you towards the bed again. You ducked your head and barely missed the top bunk as he bent you over. His wet cock slid into you and he sighed. He thrust once and spasmed. He leaned against you heavily and grunted. His cum added to the gush of your arousal.

He shoved you off of him and you fell onto the bunk, your legs hanging over the edge. You heard the quiet snap of elastic, the glide of his zipper, and the clink of his buckle. You slowly turned over and reached down to touch the puddle flowing out between your legs.

“Great,” He shook his head. “You’ve gone and messed the bed too.”

You bowed your head. “Sorry, sir.”

“Sorry to me?” He put his hands on his hips as he turned to the room. “You’re the one who’s gotta clean all this up.”

[dawninlatin]

Online classes are the worst

A manorian teacher AU

Words: 1381

AO3: Click here

Based on the prompt:

Teacher AU: When you realize Person A and Person B have the same background during zoom class and holy shit they are living together!?

By @perseannabeth​ (omg I hope you’re okay with me using this, if not please let me know!)

Manon was installed in her office - laptop open and an iced coffee next to her - currently giving a lecture in organic chemistry. She knew half of the class wasn’t paying attention. Knew that the muted microphones and turned-off cameras meant the student was scrolling down TikTok or sleeping or not even in the same room as their computer. But as long as she got through her lesson undisturbed, she didn’t care. It wasn’t her fucking problem if they didn’t want to learn. Organic chemistry was awesome.

Online classes was a challenge though. Manon needed to be in a physical classroom, needed to have a chalkboard to write on, needed to pace around, needed to do crazy and borderline dangerous experiments.

She had been a high school teacher for 6 years now, and she loved her job - most days, at least - but her students could never know that.

In those 6 years she had built herself a reputation of being the uncaring, cold and slightly manic science teacher. This was naturally because she had learned that the teens respected her if they were terrified of her. Nothing would beat the look of pure horror mixed with awe she had seen on the faces of twenty 16 year olds that one time she poured ethanol on her desk and then lit it on fire.

But now, instead of getting to do those kinds of experiments, she was confined to a small office in her small home, with nothing but a laptop to teach her students. It was driving her crazy.

Even if she preferred teaching in a physical classroom, Manon had to admit, she had gotten the hang of Zoom pretty quickly. They were only in their second week of online classes after all.

This lesson was going great, all things considered, at least until a message from Kyle Williams popped up on her screen. She couldn’t stop the look of horror on her face as she read it.

Kyle: Wait…isn’t that the same bookshelf Mr. Havilliard was sitting in front of yesterday?

Nora: OMG

Nora: It is!!!!!

Omar: Are they living together??

Manon tried ignoring the chat, tried continuing with her lecture, tried stopping the blush that was currently spreading on her face.

Kyle: Are they dating or something?

Ellen: I bet they’re sleeping together…

Ellen: Or what if they’re secretly married???

Freddie: Come on, can you imagine Ms. Blackbeak married to someone?

Kyle: And Mr. Havilliard of all people…

Theo: So they are sleeping together then?!

Nora: EW! I don’t wanna imagine them sleeping together…

She wanted to die. She had to quit her job, had to leave town, had to go away…she could never step foot in her classroom ever again…

Ellen: But now that you mention it, they always look at each other really weird

Theo: And they are staying in the same house atm…

Omar: What if they have kids?!

Freddie: Ms. Blackbeak does not have kids

Freddie: I have never even seen her smile, imagine her with Mr. Havilliard

Jenna: I’m freaking out over here…

Kyle: Omg, now I can’t stop imagining them having sex…

That was enough, she needed to end this before she died of humiliation. Then she needed to say goodbye to her loved ones, because she would be imprisoned for life for murdering a bunch of teenagers.

While closing the chat window - and ignoring the sound of countless more messages - she schooled her features back into a bored look. «Okay, that’s enough for today.»

The messages abruptly stopped, and Manon couldn’t help the smirk spreading on her face, beet read as it was. «I want you to spend the rest of the lesson reading through the chapter on organic chemistry, and then I want a 2000 word paper on a subject you find interesting in that chapter delivered to me by Monday.»

Writing a paper hadn’t been part of her plan, but she needed to do something to make her students suffer, if only to stop herself from committing murder.

Manon ended the meeting, not bothering with the groans and complaints coming from her students. She had to quit her job now, anyway…

She shut the laptop, pushed her chair back from the desk, leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

«FUCK!»

-

Dorian was sitting at the kitchen table, grading book reports when he heard his girlfriend curse loudly, before marching across the hall and slamming the bedroom door shut. He silently counted to ten before standing up and following her.

Opening the door, he found that Manon was already lying under the cover, ignoring his presence. Dorian was curious to what had put her in such a mood - wasn’t she supposed to have a lecture right now? - but he knew his girlfriend, knew he needed to wait until she was ready to talk about whatever was wrong.

These past two weeks had been hard on them, but Manon especially. Not only because of the virus, he thought to himself. Dorian was doing okay, he didn’t mind staying inside, and he’d gotten a lot more time to read lately, but Manon wasn’t like him. She hated staying inside, hated sitting still. She might not admit it, but he knew the lockdown was challenging for her.

While slipping of his jacket, he padded over to their bed, laying down beside her. He gave her a few seconds to tell him to fuck off, before scooting closer and putting his arms around her when she stayed silent. She sighed at the contact, pulling the covers down slightly so he could see part of her face.

«Apparently, Kyle fucking Williams is in your English class, because during my science lecture today he noticed we use the same room.» Hearing the anger and annoyance in her voice, Dorian tried his best not to laugh, but as she gave him a deadly glare, he knew he had failed.

«Is it so bad? That they know, I mean.»

Manon groaned, burying her face in the covers once again. «I’m so embarrassed,» she said, her voice muffled.

Dorian let out a small chuckle, pulling her closer. Manon had been clear from the beginning of their relationship about how they couldn’t be seen together at work. He had been a little unsure of hiding it, but she had assured him that this was all about her, and all about her reputation at school, so Dorian respected her wishes. Manon wasn’t comfortable with displaying affection publicly in the same way that he was. She kept her feelings to herself, and those that were the closest to her. And Dorian had to admit, he kinda liked being the only one she truly opened up to. The only one who saw her smile and laugh and being giddy with love. It made him feel special. Even if he wanted to shout from the rooftops how much he loved Manon Blackbeak.

«It’s forgotten in a few weeks,» he said to her in an attempt to lure her out of her hiding spot.

«They’ll never listen to me again,» she complained, her head now peeking out.

Dorian pressed a light kiss to her forehead. «You’ll be just as awesome and just as scary as before, promise.»

She rolled her eyes in answer. «Why should I trust you?»

«Because you love me?» He poked her lightly in the side, now determined to make her smile.

Manon shook her head, murmuring something that sounded like «not in the slightest» into the thick blanket.

«You’re adorable right now, you know that?» Dorian teased, peppering her face with kisses. He expected her to bat his hand away, but she only leaned into his chest, sighing in defeat.

«You’re not making the situation any better right now…»

«You’ll be fine. Besides-,» he trailed his hands down her body, to her stomach, and the small bump that had begun to form, «they’ll definitely know in six months, cause we’ll have a baby then.»

Manon turned around so she faced him, a small smile finally playing on her lips. Dorian met her eyes, and found himself slightly taken aback by the amount of love and adoration he felt for this woman. «I love you,» he whispered against her lips.

«I love you too,» she whispered back, her mouth meeting his.

A/N: Hey!

I am sory for the mess that is this fic, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I need sleep...

Also, I'm sorry for not writing a new chapter of Queen of Peace, but that chapter will take time, and time is something I do not have atm, sooooo, I will try and update it on Friday:)

If you bothered reading all of it, congrats, I stan<3

I love reading your comments, so feel free letting me know what you think:)

Also did anyone get the vine reference...? God I really should sleep...

*lots of smoochies*

-Dawninlatin<3

[stardustkenobi]

Compromise

Poe Dameron x Reader

Warnings: F l u f f, 1:00 am hastily written fic

A/N: Hiii everyone! I’m sticking with writing Poe for now until requests come in because idk it feels really comfortable atm. Thank you for reading :)

Saturday halfway through the semester typically meant a day spent in bed, surrounded by books, laptop open for hours on end, eyes blinking back the symptoms of strain.

Poe never really understood how you could get yourself so bogged down in your reading for classes- an aeronautical engineering major himself, his was used to problem sets, skimming notes found in the speaker’s notes section of the slides his professors posted, using his hands in mechanics labs. The whole “burying your head in James Joyce for seven hours and then start doing your work” thing? Not his speed. That was definitely not how Poe got through undergrad.

“I really will never understand how this could make anyone happy.” He grunted as he flipped from his spot on his stomach to lay on his back, now facing your stoic face rather than the phone he had been staring at for the better part of your morning.

You shrugged him away, practically putting your hand in his face as your free hand scribbled in the book on your lap, marking some sort of motif because of something your professor said during lecture because of some reading that you had done the week prior that sent you reeling because you had missed it and how the hell could you have missed that motif of all of the ones to miss-

Poe’s insistent grumbling had turned into full on whining, pulling you out of your thoughts. You knew part of it was his own selfish desire to be the center of your attention- he’d had a long week too and was looking forward to a Saturday spent in bed with his best girl, doing absolutely nothing. And the other part? It was his little way of pleading with you to take a break for your own sake. Trying to get you to laugh. Break your eyes away from the pages that English majors have been reading for decades.

You might as well have been reading that stupid book in your hands for decades in Poe’s eyes.

“Poe!” You snapped as moments later, Jane Eyre was being flung haphazardly to the ground of your room. Sense and Sensibility followed, along with a book on literary criticism and another about writing essays for literature. Your laptop finally joined, with much more time and care afforded to it than your poor books. “What the hell do-"

He was pinning you down to the mattress before you could get out another word, knocking the breath from your lungs. “This is an intervention.” He shrugged, pinning your wrists over your head.

“I’m not in the mood.” You quipped, eyebrows raising as you assumed his intentions were any but innocent as he sat on your stomach, holding you down as his face hovered over yours.

“Well I’m really not in the mood to argue so listen up, pretty girl.” He growled, tone teasing and always caring. “You.” He said, kissing your nose. “Are.” A kiss to your left cheek. “Going.” Another to your right cheek. “Take.” Forehead. “A.” Chin. “Breaaaak.” And finally, one feather light kiss pressed to the corner of your lips.

You tried to buck him off, getting frustrated. “Poe. Dameron. It’s midterms- I know you’ve been away from this for a few months now but I think you can remember how stressful a time-“

Poe rolled his eyes, pulling back slightly. “I do. And I know what my girlfriend’s like- the girl who forgets to drink water and will let her eyes stay open for 32 hours straight just to write a response that still could have been A+ work if she had taken breaks to, oh I don’t know, sleep and eat and maybe take a shower?”

Your nose scrunched in dismay as you bit your lip, considering his words. “But I need to keep reading...” You finally whispered, swallowing the lump in your throat as you glanced away. “That book was supposed to be done Wednesday- my first draft of my paper is due Monday morning. I’m not even close to being finished with reading it, let alone annotating it.”

Now, Poe knew the semester had been getting to you. You were never one to hold back when he asked how things were shaping up- Poe was always more than willing to listen and provide solutions, what did you gain by hiding it? His eyes did widen at your admission, not having realized the full extent of how the heavier course load you had taken was affecting you. He sat silent for a minute or two, thinking of his options. Of your options. He wasn’t going to let you get yourself sick from not taking care of yourself, but he also knew that you’d make yourself sick worrying if he forced you to relax.

Suddenly, he was scrambling off of you, leaving the room. You frowned, tears now pricking at your eyes. “Poe.” You called out weakly, gripping the duvet beneath you as you sat alone, afraid you had upset him.

Three minutes passed and he was returning to the room, a water bottle, a protein bar, and an apple in his hands. Tossing the apple on the bed gently, he leaned down and scooped up Jane Eyre as he strode toward you, purpose in his eyes. The bed dipped as he sat down, putting the other three objects down next to the apple before shimmying up the the headboard, then effortlessly scooping his silent girlfriend into his lap. He placed the food and water in your lap, giving you a knowing glance, then took the book in his hands.

He cracked the spine before skimming through to find where your last note was while you watched in disbelief. His left hand was soon reaching over to the night stand, snatching his glasses up and placing them on the bridge of his nose.

“No sooner did I see that his attention was riveted on them, and that I might gaze without being observed, than my eyes were drawn involuntarily to his face,” He began to read, voice even and controlled as one hand came to rest on your thigh, tracing slow patterns. “I could not keep their lids under control: they would rise, and the iris would fix on him.”

Taking the hint, you tore at the wrapper of the protein bar in your lap. You listened with rapt attention, watching Poe’s eyes and lips as he read to you, hand never leaving your thigh as he attempted to soothe you. As he read, you leaned over, taking the notepad from the nightstand and a pen from its draw, chewing thoughtfully as you started to make notes.

Whether it was the water and food you soon inhaled or the sound of a voice that was just meant to read books and poems and speeches to others you couldn’t say, but the words made sense. Much more sense than they had in your head before and your notes flowed with ease.

Poe may not have understood what the appeal of having your nose in a book some person with a stuffy title was forcing you to read for all of a Saturday afternoon might have been, but his girl in his lap about to snuggle up to him after a snack was something he’d do anything to have.

[nickmuch]

c.z.k. - high school (part 3)

PART 1 / PART 2

Note: Honestly, I have nothing to do at work atm, so I might update this daily. Can’t wait for Part 4! Bc I have finally some more Zion action planned.

Also: It might be prom season there, but you didn’t hear it from me. My favorite part to write was probably the one that took place after prom.

Aaand: mobile tumblr seems to ignore all the paragraphing I put into the text to indicate the end of a scene???? So it’s probably easier to read on the desktop version.

A week had passed since my outburst. If you thought that everything magically turned upside down and we lived a happy life riding into the sunset on our white horse, then you thought wrong. Absolutely nothing happened. I returned back to class that day, not even flinching from his words. And he came back a couple minutes later, both of us acting as if we didn’t just kiss. He went back to her and I went back to feeling like shit. The usual story.

I acted like it didn’t faze me when he approached my locker at the end of the school day. “So …” he began. “You and Edwin?”. His voice sounded nervous when he asked me. Scrunching up my face, I fully turned towards him. “Me and Edwin what?”. Sighing, he grabbed my arm making me look him dead in the eyes. “You guys together now? You both seem oddly close these days”. Wow, I couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. “Congrats! You have officially lost your mind, Caleb” I started picking up my pace. The front door wasn’t too far from here, so I hoped he would just let it go and let me drive home in peace. I hoped for nothing because clearly, he and his long legs caught up to me rather quickly, opening the door to my passenger seat before sitting down. “Look, I’m sorry for everything. But honestly, I just wanna put this all behind us. I miss my friends and I feel like I can’t hang out with the group while you’re still mad at me” “I’m not mad at you, in fact I give zero shits about you. But if you have something to talk about with the boys, then do so. I’m not keeping you from seeing them. They were your friends first, so you have every right to chill with them. I just don’t wanna be included, s’all”. A tap on the window made us look up. There she stood, tight smile on her face and eyes cold like ice. “Aw shit” he said, hurriedly opening the door to get out and explain why in the name of God he was sitting in his Ex’s car talking. Since I seriously didn’t need to hear their arguing – which was bound to happen any second now – I quickly drove off.

“Prom is right around the corner. What do you mean you’re not going?! Yes, you are! Don’t leave me alone with these fools!”. Edwin was close to having a breakdown. All because I didn’t plan on going to prom. There was no reason to go, really. I had no date, it was way too cold In New York to walk around in a dress the whole evening, and I wasn’t in the mood anyways. “Eddie, I love you, but please don’t make me go. I would only destroy the fun” I begged, thinking that would change his mind. Wrong! Because Edwin was – well – Edwin. My excuses were exactly that: just excuses. And he knew. “Okay bebecita, I knooooow you don’t feel like going”. He was convinced that easily? Wow, okay. “But!”. Ah there it was. “We will have fun. Trust me! When have I ever lied to you?”. I mean, he was right. Whenever he said something was going to be fun, it actually turned out to be. “Fine, we’ll go! But make sure that Zion leaves me alone. He thinks we’re dating and I don’t feel like dealing with his headassery again”. Edwin’s eyes nearly fell out of his face. “What?! Oh my god, is he serious?”. A hearty laugh filled up the whole living room. “Mijo, not so loud!” his mom shouted from the kitchen, making him quit immediately. “Anyways” he plopped down next to me on the couch. “No offense, but even if you’d be the last girl in the world and we had to reproduce in order to save the human civilization, I still wouldn’t touch you” Edwin finished. “No offense taken. You’re not my type anyway” I casually said while not breaking my eyes off of the tv screen. Gasp! “I- what? I meant because you’re my twin sister! Not because of your looks!” he cried. “Uhm … oh y-yeah, that’s what I meant too …?”. No way I could save my ass out of this. He looked hurt for a second but didn’t seem to dwell on it when he used my lap as a pillow to watch the show. “Don’t be fooled, you still suck ass”.

The night of the prom, Edwin had officially turned into a bridezilla. Minus the bride, of course. His steps could be heard from everywhere in the house, like a ticking clock you couldn’t dismiss. It was driving me insane. It was driving us all insane. “Edwin, you need to calm down” I tried. “There’s no way! No. Way.” he frantically walked from one room to the other. “My clothes need to be ironed, you still aren’t in your dress- “. “It’s 2 p.m.!” my voice sounded squeakier than expected. “- … your hair’s a mess, face not beat, my hair is acting up, and the damn rental car is running late” he finished with one last breath before collapsing on my bed. “We won’t be on time. Just cancel on the boys for me, the stress isn’t good for the baby”. “What baby?!”. “Me. I’m baby”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This boy lost his mind. Narrowing my eyes at him, he challenged me back to a stare-down. “Listen here, egghead” An offended gasp left his lips. “You’ve been talking about this night for weeks. There’s no backing out now. Move your ass up and get your to-do-list, so I can help you with everything. We still have four hours left before the boys are supposed to be here. So, let’s start!”.

The white Range Rover came to a halt right in front of the school building. Loud music could be heard already, some new rap song playing in the background. “This is gonna be so lit!” Edwin bounced on his seat excitedly before jumping out and dragging the rest of us with him into the gym. The motto for this year’s prom was “neon festival”.The wall decoration was painted in a mix of fluorescent colors, which reflected every time the lights hit them. Bright yellow stars adorned the ceiling, some white smoke even coming out of a smoke machine. Everything was arranged so nicely, I couldn’t help but admire the great effort of the students who probably worked hard for this to come true. Now I understood why Edwin wanted to go so badly. Back home, our prom nights were pretty basic. No one could be bothered to put so much effort into an event, just for it to be over on the same night.

“Here, for you” Nick handed me a red solo cup, which was filled with some pink drink, accompanied by a cocktail umbrella. “Thank you” I said, turning my gaze towards the shining stars again. “I’m so sorry about what I’m gonna say next” he looked slightly uneasy, so I tried to calm him down by laying my hand on his shoulder. “Z and Asya will be joining our table. I mean, only if it’s alright with you”. As if on cue, my eyes wandered over to where I last saw the boys, seeing that – in fact – they were surrounded by the couple. All of them looked so happy, laughing and joking with each other. No matter what I felt towards Caleb, I had to set my pride aside and act nice from now on. The boys were longing to hang out with their friend again and I didn’t want to be the reason for a strain in their friendship.

“It’s alright with me” I replied. His hand cautiously wrapped around my hips, like he was scared of making me uncomfortable. “Lead the way, Mara”. He grinned at me. “Say no more, Honoret”. I rolled my eyes at the name. He knew I wasn’t really a Honoret, and yet everyone just called me that, totally ignoring all my attempts at correcting them.

Luckily, I got the seat between Edwin and Brandon. I didn’t know how to greet Zion and his girlfriend. She was too busy typing away on her phone to notice my arrival, anyways. So, I just gave him a short wave and a shy smile. “Looking nice” he said, motioning to my baby blue velvet bodycon dress. His girl was so busy, she didn’t even notice him complimenting another female. Either that, or she didn’t care. “Thanks Caleb, you too”. Coincidentally, he wore a dark grey suit with a baby blue pocket square. To not give awkward silence any room, Austin suggested to me to dance. Gladly taking his offer, we made our way to the dance floor. Soon enough, Edwin and Nick joined us, their dance moves putting me and him to shame. “You guys enjoying yourselves?” Brandon shouted over the music. I pulled him closer by his forearm to join us. “Very”. My grin however didn’t last. When I looked back to our table, I saw Zion all by himself. He looked bored, occasionally scrolling through his phone. “I’ll be right back” I told no one in particular before making my way over to the lone boy.

“Why so lonely, Kuwonu?” I nudged his arm. With a weak smile on his plump lips, he answered “Asya is preoccupied with her group of friends. I don’t really vibe with ‘em”. Nodding understandingly, I offered him to accompany me back to the others. “As long as you don’t hit the folks, we’re good” I playfully teased him. “Ha ha, very funny” Caleb sarcastically remarked. It was nice to talk to him without an attitude or tension building up. Maybe I overreacted a little bit in the last weeks. Having him around felt good, if you ignored the butterflies that erupted deep down in my stomach every time he looked at me or smiled his goofy grin. But we had our chance and it didn’t work out, that’s why I had to get over it. Better to have him as a friend than anything else. Right now, though, was about having fun and enjoying the company of good friends in a night that seemed to be endless.

The thing is, everything has an end. And so, I found myself in the booth of an old diner. The fake leather of the seats was peeling off and little bolts of cloth got stuck to our clothes. One of my legs was pressed against the window side, my other leg was touching Brandon’s involuntarily. Edwin thought a corner booth would totally suffice for all seven of us. Well, he thought wrong because now we were all huddled up, trying to get as comfortable as humanly possible with not much space between us left. Asya decided to not tag along, saying she was too tired from dancing with her friends all night.

“I hope they hurry up with our order, I’m starving!” Ansley sighed dramatically. Turns out, Austin was talking to her for weeks now, he just couldn’t build up the courage to ask her out yet. So, Edwin being Edwin, persuaded her to join our trip for a midnight-snack, claiming that “this pizza is going to be the best you’ve ever had!”. Judging from the interior design and the slack expression we were getting from the waiter, I highly doubted he was right. But then again, never underestimate Edwin.

“Okay, you were right. This is the best pizza I’ve ever had. Kudos to you, Ed” Ansley munched happily on her slice. Suspiciously examining the pieces in the center of the table, I couldn’t really put too much trust into her words. For some odd reason, the pizza had more grease on it than my face in the morning before washing it. “Just try it, she isn’t lying” Zion slid me a slice over. “If I die, tell Mama, Papa and the babies that I love ‘em” I told Ed before taking a bite. This was actually pretty good. Maybe not the best I’ve had, but it came close. “What makes this the best pizza in all of New York, though? It doesn’t taste that special”. The boys smirked knowingly, all eyes looking down trying to avoid my gaze. “It’s not necessarily the taste but rather the memories this place holds, you know? Back when we were younger, we’d spend our evenings after school here since our parents were working and we had no one to watch us in the meantime” Brandon nodded along to Edwin’s words, clearly remembering it all as if it had happened yesterday. “Can you imagine the mess we’d make?! Five little boys, full of energy rushing in to buy themselves some junk food, not a single care in the world” he paused for a moment, giving the others a short smile. The moment was filled with a melancholic retrospective feeling. “We literally grew up in this place. T’was safer to play and wait for our parents in here than at home or on the streets. I guess that’s what makes this so special to us” he shrugged. Sensing that he had finished the story, I nodded slowly, comprehending everything he just told me. “I like it here. Has charm to it”. Grinning widely, I took another bite to further prove my point.

People think of New York as this cool and hip city, with expensive luxurious apartments and such, but they seem to forget that not everyone is fortunate enough to live that life. Some of us have to learn from an early age that this world is full of bad people. Not everyone is going to wish you the best or give a helping hand. “We kinda are like OMB if you really think about it. Sure, no one is forcing us to join a gang or sum, but we do live a similar life” Zion threw in. “Actually, the weedhead might be onto something” B exclaimed. “You moving here out of nowhere” he said, pointing towards me. “Ed having to give up his room for you. A weird crackhead as a friend like Jamal” Now it was Edwin’s turn to be pointed at. “Hey! That’s rude! Besides, don’t do my bro Jamal like dat. He’s a great friend, always got their backs and shit” Ed tried to argue. “You’re a great friend, too. And an even better twin brother” I genuinely told him. A chorus of “Awwee”’s followed the round. “Now this is how you talk to friends! Take notes, ladies”. When he said ladies, he definitely wasn’t referring to me or Ansley.

The night itself turned out being amazing and I was glad that Edwin had convinced me to go to prom. We were talking about everything and nothing, really. Moments turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours, and soon it was already time to leave. Ansley had to be home soon, so Austin took it upon himself to make sure she would arrive there safely. Edwin was craving donuts from the corner shop across the street, but since he couldn’t be trusted on his own, Brandon decided to follow him. “Is B really the right fit to watch him not do any shenanigans?” Nick asked warily. “… honestly, talking from experience, I should probably go with ‘em before their sugar high kicks in”. With that, I was left alone with Zion in the booth of a run-down diner in the middle of New York. Despite being in one of the biggest cities, the world suddenly felt so small around me.

“So …” Zion said, looking around the place. “So …” I mimicked. Shaking his head, he just laughed. “This is low key awkward, not gonna lie”. It was true. In a group we no longer had trouble talking, however when alone it was a whole another story.

“I’m sorry”.

“You say sorry way too much”.

“Maybe. But this time I wanna apologize for attacking you with that kiss last week”.

“It’s all forgotten”.

His mouth opened and closed, scared to say something but I knew there still was something he wanted to get off his chest.

The bell above the door frame signaled the arrival of someone. “Guess what I gotchu guys?!” Edwin trotted over, taking a seat on the table, so that he had both me and Z on each of his sides. A small brown paper bag rested on his lap. With one swift movement, he pulled out some twizzlers, and shoved them in our hands. “And we also bought you make up wipes!” happily Brandon said in a sing-song voice. Fishing out the pack, he handed them over to me. “I love you guys!”. Nick walked in last. “Yo, I’m slowly getting tired. Can we drive home now?” sleepily he rubbed his eyes, already pulling on Zion’s sleeve. Reluctantly, Edwin followed behind, even though all he wanted was to eat his candy. His sugar high was still going in full force. Therefore, he didn’t feel an ounce of sleep.

“Why the fuck is he so bouncy?!”Austin asked. We had called him earlier to ask for his location, so that we could pick him up and drive home as well. He climbed up the Jeep, sitting next to an energetic Ed. “Twizzlers?” he offered to his friend. “No, thanks. Also, please stop smiling so creepily, you’re scaring me”. This was going to be a long drive.

Note: Part 4 will have more Zion moments. The plan is to have only one or two settings, so hopefully it’ll work out as planned.

I’d love to get some feedback, good or bad doesn’t matter!! What direction would you want this to go? How would you like this to end? Let me know!

Cami

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Above The Party

Sokkla Week Day 1: Awkwardness

Azula, trying to escape the party scene, walks in on Sokka changing. 

A/N: due to real life circumstances I’m posting this one a day early. Officially, Sokkla mini-week begins tomorrow. I may or may not be able to reblog content posted tomorrow either. It really just depends atm, but I’m gonna try.

She isn’t at all familiar with the place. Frankly, she doesn’t know why Zuko has even brought her along. It wasn’t as though it was an event of any importance. No, it was little more than a fancy get together hosted by Earth King Kuei. Azula isn’t one for parties, especially not after her first experience with one. Political gatherings, sure, but this…this is just for entertainment. ‘To relive stress’, as Zu-Zu put it. She couldn’t see it soothing any of her tension. In fact, she had every intention of ditching the party scene at first opportunity.

 She sticks around only long enough to seem polite, which entailed some socializing over an appetizer platter or two. Mostly she sips at a bottle of peach sake. It sooths her nerves and takes some of the edge off. A little further into the drink than she had intended, she worries that her tongue will become too lax and excuses herself.

 For a moment—she likes to blame it on the drink—she forgets that she isn’t at home. The Earth Kingdom palace is larger than she has anticipated and she thinks that she may be lost. No, she knows that she is lost, she is wandering rather aimlessly. She doesn’t even recall where she had planned on sneaking off to. That’s right, she tells herself, she’d forgotten where she was and for it she had planned on finding her bedroom. She supposes she’ll just have to find another, hopefully with a balcony. Balconies seem to be the place to be if one loses interest in the party itself.

 She travels to the third floor and pushes on the first door she sees, only after having done so, she considers what she might find.  Granted she hadn’t heard any sort of racket coming from behind the door. So she assumes that she is safe.

The room itself is quiet, indeed so she finds the bed and drops onto it, laying with her hair fanned out and her hands tucked under her head.

 The moment of quiet doesn’t last, she hears a rustling from across the room. She bolts up again to see Sokka’s bear ass. His pants and underpants are only half up. His face is as flushed as hers, maybe even more so. He quickly scrambles to tug them up the rest of the way.

 “Wha-what are you doing?” There a very few things that can catch Azula off guard, and he has discovered one of them.

 “I spilled some juice on my pants so I ran up here to change!” Everything about his tone is on the defensive. “Why are you here?” And that fell on the accusatory side.

 Azula sighs, trying to cool her cheeks. “I don’t much like social parties, like this.” She confesses. “I came up here for some quiet.”

 “You had to pick this room?” Sokka sputters, “you’re a royal, you’re supposed to know about knocking.”

 Azula shrugs. “I’m a royal, I go where I please. I don’t need permission.” She replies with a dismissive wave. “And besides, I didn’t hear anything so I figure this room wasn’t…occupied.” She pauses. “Not like the others anyways.”

 Sokka narrows his eyes. “I guess.”

 She crosses her arms. Sitting in silence, it doesn’t take long for her eyes to wander. He is still topless. Topless and in very good shape, with the kind of abs worth trailing her fingers over. A sculpted chest…

She shakes her head, what is she thinking? He’s Sokka, the water peasant’s brother. The idiot. Again she tries to blame the sake for tainting her vision and bringing out her libido.

But he isn’t really, she knows it. She just needs an extra push to keep herself in check. She picks up his shirt and thrusts it at him, “have some decency.”

 Sokka blinks. “Decency? I don’t know if you know this, but men run around topless all the time.”

 “Great for men.” Azula mutters, only because she knows that he has a point. “Just put your shirt back on, before you make things weird.”

 “I make things weird?” He points to himself. “You made things weird when you barged in here without knocking.”

 Another good point. She was an a losing streak—a petty, trivial losing streak—but a losing streak no less. “Well perhaps you should have put a sign up. Or, if you are too uncultured to write, you should have spoke up when you heard the door open. You know, instead of letting me get cozy.” She smiles smugly because it is, in her opinion, a satisfactory argument.

 He opens his mouth only to close it a few times and she knows that she has won this silly verbal spat. Her mind goes back to her initial task. She tosses the shirt at him. “Put it on.”

 Sokka rolls his eyes and tugs it over his head. “Happy?”

 She nods. But a part of her actually is not satisfied. That part still wants to take in his sculpted abs and toned arms. “Quite.”

 He is staring at her now and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. She averts her gaze, brushes a sweep of hair over her shoulder, and pretends to pick some fuzz off of her top. She finds herself hoping that she at least looks presentable in his eyes.

She thinks that her face might have colored again and it frustrates her. She didn’t think she had drank that much.

 .oOo.

 Sokka doesn’t think that he has ever seen Azula so flustered. He can smell a faint tinge of sake and he wants to blame the drink for the pink in her cheeks, but somehow he knows that it is an old fashioned blush. Despite it all he feels bad for making her feel so awkward and out of sorts. Granted he is rather embarrassed himself.

He let her see him with his pants half-down.

 He stuffs his hands into his pockets and looks at the ceiling. When he finds the courage to look back down, she is sitting with her arms propping her up, weight shifted more-so onto the right arm. She crosses one leg over the other and seems to stare at her lap as she taps one foot. Her cheeks look less pink now. He can’t help but note that she does look rather lovely tonight. She looks nice with her hair down. And the gown she has chosen is rather elegant. It suits her well and accents her figure. It is fuller than he remembers, more grown up. Her face is some sharper too.

But her expression.

That is notably softer. It takes him a moment to realize, but he thinks that, that is why she looks extraordinarily wonderful tonight. It is because she doesn’t have such an evil presence about her. She, for the situation, almost seems relaxed.  

She crosses her arms again, holding them against her middle as opposed to her chest.

 Against his better judgment, he tucks her bangs behind her ear and brushes his thumb over her exposed cheek. He can’t quite believe that she is letting him do it. So when he feels her fingers wrap around his wrist, he expects a lash out. But she simply holds his wrists and stares at him. He doesn’t think that she knows what to do next.

 Briefly he thinks of kissing the princess, but before—and perhaps mercifully—before he gets the chance, she effectively ruins the mood.  “Just so we’re clear I’m not going to be that person.” She declares. “I’m not getting knocked up at a party.”

 Sokka rolls his eyes, the woman really is hellbent on making things as weird as she can. Truly she must have been a thrill downstairs. “I wasn’t planning on doing anything like that with you!”

 He can’t possibly fathom why Azula looks so smug. He senses that it would be a good time to get back to the party scene. But she still has him by the wrist and the smug look is gone. It takes him a second to realize that she is rubbing her thumb over his wrists. But again, she seems to be at a loss as to what comes next.

 He doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable so with a sigh he asks, “so you up for going back to the party or…?”

 Azula cocks her head and withdraws her hand. “I think that I might be.”

 .oOo.

 She doesn’t exactly know what is going on in her head. The feeling is foreign and somewhat disorienting. In avoiding the first, she has put herself in another, different situation she doesn’t know how to navigate. She is grateful that he hasn’t taken advantage of that. He takes her hand and leads her down the hall. She thinks that it might be a good idea to jerk away, but she feels safer as they are. She admits to herself that she is a little lost here and it is reassuring to have a familiar face so close. Even if the face belonged to someone she hadn’t particularly gotten along with in the past. They don’t say much to one another for a while. Not until they reach the second floor. Finally Azula finds the courage to thank him for respecting her boundaries, as grey as she had made them.

 He smiles. “It’s no big deal.”

 She lets the conversation drop again and it takes until the first floor to set her pride enough to the side to thank him for accompanying her back to the party. She didn’t want to return alone. Even with a rekindled friendship, Mai and TyLee weren’t much use here. They had conversed in the beginning but eventually Mai had gone off with Zuko and TyLee’s attention was tugged by a herd of boys.

 He nods. “Yeah, no one likes to be alone at a party. You don’t mind talking with Aang, Toph, and Katara, do you?”

 She shrugs, “I suppose that it can’t hurt.”

 “Great!” He says boldly, “I’ll re-introduce you.”

 That was just one more thing that was oddly reassuring. She is glad that things took a turn from awkward to something rather promising.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Shut Him Up (Rodrick Heffley x male!reader)

Request: "Can I get a rodrick x male reader (preferably smut) idk what the story would be but I can't find any thing x male reader atm" ~anon

Yeah, that needs to be fixed! ❤❤❤

A/N: Okay, so usually when I write lgbt fics its been L or B, lets get into the G. I'm kinda surprised to see that there isnt a whole lot of gay Rodrick fics, cuz I've heard a few people finding out they were gey from having a crush on the og Rodrick. This is my first time writing for a male reader, so, if I mess anything up or there is something you'd prefer! Don't be afraid to ask! As always, your requests and feedback keep me going! ✌❤

Warnings: NSFW, guy on guy smut, etc.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tensions had been high for you lately. High school was no fucking picnic, and the finals that semester were worrying you particularly. The way your boyfriend didn't even bat an eye at the idea of piles of work, and threw it aside without a care it the world, unerved you a bit. Or more accurately, pissed you off.

He'd been doing that latley. Annoying you. Even when the two of you were just friends, Rodrick had this habit of getting on your nerves. That didn't go away when your relationship turned into something much, much more.

Rodrick never really had to come out and say he was gay. You had a hunch when you first met, and over a year or so just being friends you came to the conclusion. What sealed the deal? Well, don't you remember that party? The drinking? The hot make out session on the host's couch which progressed to clumsy dragging into the bathroom. Rodrick makes such a sweet needy bottom, doesn't he? No matter how much he'd swear he's a top.

He's sweet, and needy in general. However, on this particular afternoon, he's been annoyingly talkative and in command. It's not like you guys have a strick, 'I'm the big guy and he's the little guy' situation. But today, you're really not in the mood to be bossed around by anyone. You're stressed, tired, and tense as hell.

Laying on his already pretty small twin sized bed, trying to relax and watch a movie. You're head is nuzzled into his chest as you watch the screen. A leg swung around his hip, and your body mostly resting on his side and shoulder. That would usually be a soothing and comfortable experience. If it wasn't for the incessant and unrelenting sound of Rodrick's stupid voice. He's going on and on about his band. Normal you'd be all into hearing about the new equipment, or gig, or trick he just learned. But not today.

Your breathing heavy with pain, and your body shifting to try and undress your state of uncomfort. You look up at your boyfriend's preoccupied face. Why does he have to be so cute when he's being so annoying? Fuck it. You reach up, and pull his face towards you. Pushing up, your kiss him passionately, forcing him to shut up. His voice is muffled, and it fades in a moan as his eye close and he melts into it. Its a long, and passionate kiss. You throw all of your current emotions of fustration into it, which just makes it harder. When you finally seperate, theres an audioable smack.

"Mmh...What was that for?" Rodrick asks with heavy eyes.

"Shut up." You tell him hushed as you pull him back down to you by the neck. Kissing him once again, he adjusts himself so he's holding himself over you. As you make out, your hands travel all over his torso. He moans when you pull away from his plump lips, and you kiss his neck. He loves it when you leave hickies. You gently bite and suck the soft flesh as he lets himself fall slightly onto you. He's leaning on you now as you reach down and pull up his shirt. He pulls away to take it off, and reaches for yours to make it even.

He then leans in and moans into your neck. With your knee held up against his growing erection, you rub him through his jeans. The sound that comes from him only makes you harder. Suddenly you're reminded of your own situation. The tightness in your own pants is slowly becoming more and more unbearable. When Rodrick begins kissing down your chest and all the way down to your belly, a chill goes down your spine. You buck your hips up slightly, a little way of telling him what you want. He smiles coyly, and bites his bottom lip. Unbuttoning your jeans, and pulling them off. It only releases a small amount of tention, you're still in your boxers. He kisses your clothed member in random spots. You twitch with need.

"Uh, fuck, Rodrick." You grunt out, bucking up a little again. He chuckles to himself, and frees you finally. His as if by habit goes to your base to hold you in place. Suddenly his wet tongue slides up from the base to your tip. He swirls his tongue around your head, and you let out a moan. You shudder when he finally wraps his plump lips around it, and starts to bob his head. Taking more and more of you in. The warm feeling of his mouth makes you let out heavy breaths. Before you know it, he's practically deepthroating you. His tongue wrapped around the bottom of your cock as he takes you in and out. When he moans, it sends small vibrations through your flesh and it tickles.

"Mhh, mgh, fuck," he says as he pulls up with a loud pop, "I love your cock." He tells you with a wet smile. God bless those lips of his. But fuck...were you close. He sits up, and strips as you lean over and pull put lube from his bed side table. You squirt a good glob on your fingers as Rodrick climbs over and strattles you. You reach around, and prep him as you kiss his neck and chest. He closes his eyes and leans on you as you finger his hole to make sure he's ready for you. Then suddenly, you find yourself doing it just to tease him. "Ahh, Y/N, just fuck me already!" He whines. You chuckle as you kiss him again and position yourself.

"Ready, love?"

"Yes!- ah!" He shouts as you suddenly slide it in with ease. You begin thrusting, forcing him to hold onto your shoulders. He begins bouncing back into your cock. His moans and whimpers are so cute. He only gets worse when you start strocking his cock as he bounces on yours.

"Mmmmhhh like that baby?" You ask him, he just nods as he bites his bottom lip. You feel him begin to twitch in your hand, and he starts panting.

"Mh mh mh I-I’m gonna cum." He tells you, so you begin thrusting faster and faster. Your own orgasm nearly to the brink. Suddenly his eyes shoot open and he looks down at you with a gasp. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" He tells you as his cock starts to squirt all over your chest. You let out a few grunts as the hot liquid covers you and only makes you reach out to slam Rodrick down a few more good times. Forcing your orgasm. You let out a moan and a gasp as you cum in his ass. He whimpers as he feels you release. He leans down and kissing you sweetly to pull you back to earth.

The two of you, panting messes, Rodrick finally pulls off of you. He lays down next to you the best he can, and looks at you after a few minutes of catching your breath. You look back, and smile at one another.

"Seriously, what was that for?" He asks finally.

"I...seriously just wanted you to shut up." You tell him. He lets out a high pitched laugh and rests his head on your shoulder.

"I'm not that bad!" He argues and you chuckle at him.

"Yes you are! But I still love you anyways." You share a sweet kiss.

"I love you, babe."

[eeveesanddragons]

1 - 150

Bitch I see you (I love you - please keep getting me to do these because it’s fun)

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either the same person who is the anon that asked this or someone at the NaNoWriMo event today (I actually really like holding other peoples hands it’s fun, cute and platonic)2. Are you outgoing or shy? A bit of both - shy when I’m around people I don’t know/aren’t comfortable with and outgoing with people I know. It also depends on my mood3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? MY NANO FRIENDS BECAUSE I DON’T GET TO SEE MOST OF THEM EXCEPT IN NOVEMBER I LOVE THEM4. Are you easy to get along with? I would hope so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I like a lot of people (platonically, not romantically) so I would hope so6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I actually can’t pinpoint a specific thing about people I’m attracted to, but they’re all generally attractive to me and decent human beings7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I don’t think so but a girl can hope, right?8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? The male character whose intro short story I’m writing at the moment9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Yeah (sometimes)10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Oh god, I have deep conversations with people every five minutes - probably a family friend last night about sexuality (I’ve come out to four people in as many days and it feels so good)11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Bacon, Croissants, Hash Browns, Ice Cream, 2x Apple Danishes, Marshmallows” - I was sending a shopping list to my Mum from my brother12. What are your 5 favourite songs right now? ‘Yet Another Dig’ by Bob the Drag Queen ft. Alaska - ‘Candy Store’ from Heathers - ‘Animus Vox’ by The Glitch Mob - I can’t think of two more13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I would say yes14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Sometimes15. What good thing happened this summer? Man we’re just coming out of Winter. Going into Summer I can already pinpoint one thing that’ll be good - taking my dog down to the beach and seeing Jinkx Monsoon live16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I haven’t kissed anyone17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Abso-bloody-lutely18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Lol no he’s a dweeb19. Do you like bubble baths? HELL YEAH20. Do you like your neighbours? I guess? I don’t talk to them much but they’re nice people21. What are you bad habits? I chew on the skin around my fingers, I sometimes sleep until 3pm, and I drink too much soft drink22. Where would you like to travel? Fucking everywhere I can (Russia, UK, New Zealand -again- Canada, Europe, Asia, Africa, North and South America, everywhere I can)23. Do you have trust issues? I don’t think so24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Getting into bed after a long day OR using micellar water on my face before bed25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin?26. What do you do when you wake up? Lay in bed for a while thinking about things I should do that day then feed my dog27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Less pink - I’m pale as shit and my skin goes pink so easily. I wouldn’t change the complexion but if I could stop myself from burning or turning pink I’d be great28. Who are you most comfortable around? My sister and my mum probably29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Nope30. Do you ever want to get married? I think so31. If your hair long enough for a ponytail? YES and I often accidentally hit myself in the face with it32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I wouldn’t (have a conversation with two people though? Cate Blanchett and Chris Hemsworth33. Spell your name with your chin. M easghahn34. Do you play sports? What sports? I don’t do sports anymore (I really want to get back into some though) BUT I used to play Netball, Softball, Basketball (for like six months), I did swimming, dancing, callisthenics, athletics. I’m generally pretty good at most sports35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV. I could survive with just music so long as I still had books36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh yeah37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing or I change the topic or put on music38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Challenges and encourages me to do things and pushes me to keep working towards goals, has a dog, is cute, will let me hold their hand for as long as I want, recognises the signs for when I need me time, is good at doing hair and makeup39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I would say bookstores but lately I really really shoe and makeup shopping40. What do you want to do after high school? Did* travel or go to uni and do a teaching course. I travelled and I realised I didn’t want to go straight to Uni (I do want to do it later on though)41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? That’s a bit of a trick question. Second chance to be a better human/fix mistakes? YES. A second chance but use it to be the same shitty abusive human? FUCK NO42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Either I’m thinking, listening, or have nothing to say, or I’m just trying to keep it together until I can be alone for a bit and recoup43. Do you smile at strangers? I do 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? SPACE BITCH I fucking love space I want to meet aliens45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My dog usually46. What are you paranoid about? Most things47. Have you ever been high? No (sometimes I wish I was less hung up about it though and would actually do it once)48. Have you ever been drunk? Nope - I’ve had a lot to drink at points but I’ve never actually been drunk49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No and if I did I wouldn’t post it here?50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Grey51. Ever wished you were someone else? Sometimes - but a more put together, productive, less anxious version of me52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My productiveness53. Favourite makeup brand? I’ll say MAC because my favourite lipstick is a MAC lipstick54. Favourite store? Any store I don’t work at55. Favourite blog? PaperFury56. Favourite colour? Green and Purple57. Favourite food? Nutella and Strawberries58. Last thing you ate? Pizza (and Nutella and Strawberries for dessert)59. First thing you ate this morning? Hashbrowns and croissants60. Ever won a competition? For what? A few - I won a footy jersey, a netball comp, a writing competition61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope62. Been arrested? For what? Nope63. Ever been in love? Nah64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I mentioned (at 17) that I’d never been kissed and I was at a public pool with friends and a friend said “well we should do something about that” and grabbed me and kissed me - it was pretty cool65. Are you hungry right now? No66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? The only people I interact with regularly on Tumblr are people I’m friends with IRL so !?!!??67. Facebook or Twitter? RIght now? Twitter - because people on my facebook are shitty and I keep seeing stuff related to the fucking postal survey68. Twitter or Tumblr? Both69. Are you watching tv right now? Rupauls Drag Race AS2 finale (I put the marathon on pause for NaNoWriMo)70. Names of your bestfriends? Sammy, Katrina, Hannah, Joanne (I hardly seem them because we’re all super busy but I could message any of them and they’d usually be down with doing something fun and we’re supportive of each other)71. Craving something? What? Nothing atm72. What colour are your towels? Purple72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One but sometimes I use smaller pillows/cushions for my wrists if my tendonitis is flaring up73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? I used to74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Maybe three75. Favourite animal? My dog, but also horses and foxes76. What colour is your underwear? Black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? GOLDEN GAYTIME79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Grey80. What colour pants? Blue81. Favourite tv show? I don’t know?!?!?82. Favourite movie? Legally Blonde hands down but also Thor Ragnarok83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 184. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Janice86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? DORY87. First person you talked to today? My brother about getting him to feed my dog (but I talked to my dog first because she slept on my bed)88. Last person you talked to today? NaNo people89. Name a person you hate? Tr*mp90. Name a person you love? My Mum91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Not really92. In a fight with someone? If I am I’m unaware of it93. How many sweatpants do you have? Uhhh maybe one pair that doesn’t fit because they’ve been in my drawers since I was 13 and haven’t thrown them out for whatever goddamn reason?94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Like 20 (more like 10)95. Last movie you watched? Thor Ragnarok 96. Favourite actress? Right now it’s Tessa Thompson97. Favourite actor? Why are these gendered GDI use Actor for everyone. But right now it’s Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Kaitlyn Alexander98. Do you tan a lot? I don’t tan even a little I’m pale af99. Have any pets? A DOG AND I LOVE HER SO DAMN MUCH SHE’S SO CUTE (follow her on instagram @ziva_the_lamington) 100. How are you feeling? Tired, a little socially drained after today, but good101. Do you type fast? Most of the time102. Do you regret anything from your past? All the times I was being a shitty kid doing dumb shit103. Can you spell well? Yaeh maet 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? No105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I don’t think so107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes! I did horse riding for a year108. What should you be doing? Writing my novel because I’m behind in my NaNo word count (someone prod me to write)109. Is something irritating you right now? Yeah - me not being as productive as I should be and not going to see various doctors about my shoulder/eyes/mental health110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Once111. Do you have trust issues? Already asked this, no112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mum113. What was your childhood nickname? Megslegs114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? All the time and whenever I can115. Do you play the Wii? I used to have one but it’s super old so not anymore116. Are you listening to music right now? I’m listening to movie soundtracks117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I do118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes119. Favourite book? Gentlemans Guide to Vice and Virtue or Gathering of Shadows120. Are you afraid of the dark? No121. Are you mean? I hope not122. Is cheating ever okay? “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage” NO123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Not for long, but I try to124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No? I guess I think love develops as you form a bond with a person125. Do you believe in true love? Yes126. Are you currently bored? Bored? No, tired of the state of non-productiveness? Yes127. What makes you happy? Hiking, my dog, friends, family128. Would you change your name? No, i like it129. What your zodiac sign? Virgo130. Do you like subway? I guess so131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Cool, lets date and see where we go132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Family friend133. Favourite lyrics right now? “Never going to give you up” (If you’re still reading this I commend you)134. Can you count to one million? Lol who has the time135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I’m straight (I’m obviously not)136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed137. How tall are you? Like 5″11/6″0138. Curly or Straight hair? Curly139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette140. Summer or Winter? Autumn/Spring 141. Night or Day? Daytime/evenings142. Favourite month? August or March143. Are you a vegetarian? No but I have thought about going veg144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk and dark145. Tea or Coffee? Tea146. Was today a good day? It really was147. Mars or Snickers? Mars148. What’s your favourite quote? “Per Aspera Ad Astra” “As Travars” “Nevertheles, She Persisted”149. Do you believe in ghosts? Sure why not150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Aled said nothing, he just started to grin” - Radio Silence

[azurera]

I know you are supposted to get one in your askbox. but guess what. i dont give a shit, and i’m bored as fuck so i did them all. my memory is shit atm so i dont remember some answers to some of these. and my grammar is shit but do with it what you want. g’night ya’ll ~

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk, because i can always drink the extra milk, the other way around you would end up with dry cereal and thats just bleh.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? everything i can find. most unique thing is probably a 10 Gulden bill (very old dutch currency before the euro) 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I trow as much crap in my coffee as i possible can, sugar, milk. more milk than coffee. give it to me cold, add alcohol. i dont give a shit. thea is just nice to have a little suger thats it. let me enjoy the flaver itself. 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? 9/10 times probably yeah

6: do you keep plants? since a few weeks i sometimes get flowers, so you could say i kind of own plants some times. 

7: do you name your plants? i should 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? i scream into the void

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? no, because i sound terrible 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side mostly. or when im really tired my back. usually not my stomach because .. well.. boobs. 

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? if i had friends.... no idea tho. i have so many jokes, my life included. 

12: what's your favorite planet? PLUTO. VIVA LA PLUTO. the little rings on saturn are also nice. shit this could have been a nice opportunity to make a uranus joke.. 

13: what's something that made you smile today? i didnt

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots of pillows

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! 99% of our soular system’s mass is the sun

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? i dont know. but those swirly things are cute. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? every. colour. at. once.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i try to stack those memories far far away. 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i dont 

20: what's your favorite eye color? i dont have a favorite eye colour. but i love eyes that look like space nebulas. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. i bought a nice leather bag on castlefest. its very usefull nice and small but it can fit more in it than you think. 

22: are you a morning person? if by morning you mean still awake at 4, then yes. 

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? lay my dead body to rest on my couch and cuddel with my cat

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? probably not

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? my own house? i dont really break into places. 

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i have to many shoes man..

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? the really over the top fruity onces

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset, (becouse im not a fucking morning person) 

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? im thinking of to many things at once and yet nothing comes up. 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? way to many times. 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i only own black socks, becouse then you never have the problem of looking for a pair. sometimes im all for socks, i wear them even when i take of all my other clothes just becouse they are soft and then i wear them to bed and they magicaly disappear. but since i wear dresses a lot i also wear panty’s and stuff. so its not always socks. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. usually that invloves a lot of alcohol. which means that i don’t really rememeber a lot. (which is also probably for the better) 

33: what's your fave pastry? pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i think it was a little lion called simba. and im sure its in a box somewhere. 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes i love them. but i dont use them a lot becouse a) not many people write me letters and b) i could. write them first. but obviously im a lazy fuck. 

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? i just really prefer silence right now. 

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like keeping it clean, but we all know thats not happening. 

38: tell us about your pet peeves! i do not know right now. i think

39: what color do you wear the most? black..... 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? the 3 things I always wear are a ring my grandma got me, a ring my mother bought for my 18 birthday that she switched her old wedding rings for. and a mjolnor necklace. I just saw so many people with one. and i really wanted to have one aswell, but not just any, so i went and looked all over this fantasy event and i’ve honestly seen every single mjolnor necklace they had, and then i picked this one. 

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? the girl on the train was a nice book (the film a little less)  it was just nice to have a book that i could go through quickly. 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! not really 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? god its been to long... 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i still wish for this day... 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? mmmaybe

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i can not make one up right now. i need to have the righ feel in the right moment. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? PINAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA, PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? death. yes.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I only own a few CD’s, and a few LP’s the last one i think was a supernatural christmas cd thing.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? those prayer cards with the picture of the person, you get at a funeral. i have quite a lot of them, so you could say i collect them. 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? suddenly

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? i like the “you cant xx if you don’t xxx” memes. those make for some good jokes. other than that i make my own memes, fresh and local. 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only parts... i should watch them shouldn’t i..

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? u know who u are.. im sorry.. 

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? i secretly moved out in a pretty dramatic way to prove my mom that i couldnt go on like that... 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they shut the fuck up

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i do not feel like listening to it now, thats how its making me feel. 

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im both.

59: what's your favorite myth? nice people are my favorite mythical creatures. 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? im not really into poetry tho, but sometimes there is one thats just nice, discribing beaty in such a subtle way, that i like it. 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? i don’t give stupid gifts. people either get something epic from me or nothing at all. go big or go home. 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ive been drinking this strawberry/apple/ bananna juice stuff sometimes, makes me feel like i try to be healthy. 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i keep them in an organized mess (just like my life) 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? its a lovely gradient of light blue/white/ to a bit darker blue. 

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? so many people, i suck at being social. 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? ALL THE COLORS

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? sometimes its nice to stare out of the window on those days. 

68: what's winter like where you live? shitty 

69: what are your favorite board games? i like playing monopoly and slowly see the light dissappear from my friends eyes. or cluedo you know, murder. 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? its this one thea they have at the cinema, the pink one. the rosy stuff. its so good. 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i should note it down. but then i forget to read it. so yeah, ill mess up either way. 

73: what are some of your worst habits? i tent to complain a lot, becouse i always hope it will make me feel better when there is to much going on in my head. but sometimes i just keep going, and i dont even know how bad its getting, and i probably pull myself down into some negative spiral and well then we’re fucked again.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. you fucking pancakes. 

75: tell us about your pets! MY CAT IS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE SHIT, HE IS SO CUTE. AND LOVES CUDDLES. AND HIS FLUFFYNESS IS. i can keep going forever. 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? its getting pretty late. i should sleep. 

77: pink or yellow lemonade? mmmpink? 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i hate them. 

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? im trying to think of one. but my memmory is shit atm. 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? just white. makes it look bigger. 

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. NEBULAS

82: are/were you good in school? soommeeetimessss

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I do like GACKT his album art tho. the costumes he wears are nice.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i have been thinking of this design of a music G thingy that looks like a cat. its really cute. but i cant even commit to where i put a sticker let a lone where to put a tattoo. 

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? i have quite a lot of constantine comics, to satisfy the fact that the series quit after 1 season. 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no idea

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? stonehenge appocalpyse

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not sure

89: are you close to your parents? *crying sounds* 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love all cities except the one i live in. Im such a slut for older building and architecture. old gothic churches man. oh my god. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? france, for sad stuff, and i hope to see my german potato this year <3 if i can make it... 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? SMOTHER THE FUCKER IN CHEESE. 

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just long, straight now. or either in like a clip. when its to hot  to have it all down. 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? i saw on my calander at internship that one collegue had his birthday today. 

95: what are your plans for this weekend? convention staff meeting on saturday, looking into something for sunday.. 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? *hysterical laughter*  

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? no idea, leo, huffelpuf

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? in germany i think. to long ago. i love mountains, and walks, and beaches. 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. PIANO’S 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past to kill myself. :”D absoluutly.

[aliceellablog]

Come on Brian!!! You can do it!!!

Hellooooooo :) OMG…. I’m in an actual good mood!! Lucky for you guys this might just be my most positive blog post yet! But let’s not get carried away, I mean, I’ll always find something to complain about eh ;)

So this week I’ve been more up and down than a bride’s nightie. I went from feeling strangely high up to so far down I never thought I’d reach the surface again.

When I last posted I was feeling so god damn positive. Like I could conquer the world - I felt like even though I still had that fluey thing I couldn’t wait to get better and kick my M.E. in the balls….. instead… my M.E. hit me right in the vag. (Don’t worry… my vag is fine…. #TMI)

Monday was nice. It was sunny (Love me some vitamin D) and I traveled down to saaaaaaf east Landan to see one of my best friends. We ate masses of Chinese takeaway and watched shit tele- in other words, best evening ever!! I was in a really good mood and felt emotionally strong. Gwarn gal.

Then on Tuesday I woke up and felt like someone had not only taken out my batteries and buried them in a land far far away  but they had also run me over with their bloody massive heavy bus and then… I don’t even know…. done something to make me cry. A lot.

What a bastard.

No matter what I did I just couldn’t shake it. I managed to keep it together (kind of) most of the morning and was doing the Lightning Process as often as I could (See my other blogs if you would like to know more about what that is- but basically it’s a Neuro Linguistic Programming/ brain training thang I’m trying ATM for my M.E.) and then by the afternoon came I completely broke down.

I couldn’t stop crying and could hardly breathe. I was having panic attacks and it yet again felt like my world has collapsed and I didn’t want to live in it.

The process is a lot about making changes and life choices and sticking to them- it’s really hard because by ‘allowing myself’ to have this break down, that then meant that I had failed in doing the LP. That thought was then just adding fuel to the fire and making me even more upset.

I knew that the LP had been really helping me the last few days, especially considering that I’d had this fluey thing yet I was still able to feel positive (trust me that’s a bloody miracle) so I hadn’t lost all my faith. I just had to find a way to pull it together and power through.

Allow me to please introduce you to Brian. He’s a funny one is Brian… he controls my whole body and everything in it - or does he??? That’s what I am trying to figure out. I THINK I can take control of him and stop his silly thoughts, or at least I hope I can, but does Brian control my thoughts or do I? - Yes Brian is my brain, and it makes me laugh… Every time I am struggling to do the LP and I get a bit annoyed with myself, I start saying in my head ‘Come on Brian!!’ ‘You can do this!!’  …. ‘silly silly Brian’ ahhh… it’s making me laugh now as I type that… god I am a weirdo….

So after a day of sobbing and feeling broken hearted that I was feeling so much worse I went to bed and cried myself to sleep,  but I knew that tomorrow was a new day and a new chance to start over again… AGAIN.

I woke up on Wednesday feeling determined as ever. I was meant to have a writing session that day but it got cancelled so I had a little think to myself….. What could I do today that would challenge my body and mind and make me feel like I had achieved something if I managed to do it?? PRIMARK that’s what!! lols…. even though it is like hell on earth I do love a good rummage!! Throughout the morning I kept getting waves of feeling too ill and ‘Brian’ was there saying ‘you’re not well enough to go’ ‘just stay home and rest’ but I ignored him and went for it! I am lucky enough to be able to pretty much just get one bus there and back so at least I don’t have the tube struggles :)

So I went, I saw, I purchased :) AND I treated myself to my fav chicken wings on the way home!! I was knackered but in a good way- in a - I haven’t done much for a while so I probs should be knackered kinda way.

I rested that evening and then it was Thursday.

Thursday was also a good day!! I went and got ma hurrrrr did!!! YASSSSS QUEEEN!! My hair dresser Kris is amazing! I’ve finally found someone who can get my hair white blonde in one visit!! - trust me, my natural hair colour is really dark brown and I used too have to go like three times for them to get it the right colour!! This time though we decided to go pink :) :)

It’s always lovely seeing Kris, he’s not only gorgeous (unfortunately he bats for the other team) but he’s hilarious too and we always have a proper giggle! Although if you’re reading this Kris, one day I WILL turn you!! HAHAHAH

I did the LP all day and then managed to do my nails when I got home :) How cute are my little bunnies and chicks though right?? 

By the way - I do just feel the need to say that I can not wait to get back to work!! This must seem like I am now just spending my days spoiling myself!… shopping, hair, nails….well….. lol… but seriously, I am spending these days trying to build up my strength and my stamina so that I can book in sessions and gigs and then stick to them. Also I’ve had so much time recently where I wouldn’t have actually been able to go and get my hair done, so to me it’s an achievement. - I have already started booking some writing sessions in for late next week! Wish me luck!! But I feel like if I can stay on the right track I will be able to do them! Yay!

Friyay had been booked in for a while, and for weeks I thought that I wouldn’t be able to go and that I would have to cancel on my friends yet again… but…. she made it!!! We went to a lovely little pub in Hampstead for lunch and it was so nice to spend some quality time together…By quality time I mean that basically we spend ALL of our spare time together as it is, but we are usually just talking bollocks, laying on the sofas with Catfish on the tele - not that I am complaining ;) But this was a little more ‘civilised’ and I felt like a grown up ;)

The food wasn’t that great not gonna lie, but that was more because they didn’t have many gluten free options…so I ended up ordering scallops and bread #random. I’ve never tried scallops before and I wasn’t a massive fan. Chewy bland weirdness in my mouth. Get out please. The bread (sourdough) was ok…. but not really worth £13…I’ll get over that though… or will I?! lol

The company however was GREAT- all of the gals got pretty drunk and I was the sober observer as per usual. I hate that, but am kinda used to it. Maybe I will be well enough to drink again some time soon….although I do have way more important priorities I know, so don’t worry!! I do have problems with self control though and am a bit of the ‘all or nothing’ type, so if I say I am going to have just the one drink, it ends up being a countless amount and then I die for a very long time afterwards- I’m talking weeks! - The last time I drank was New Years Eve - I had just had a really good patch through most of December and was so massively on track! I was working, socialising, still not to the extent I want to be, but I was able to do an OK amount which was AMAZING.

Then NYE hit. ouchhhhhh…whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!? why did I do it? Actually I know why. Because I wanted to be normal that’s why.

We went to a house party where I drank quite a bit of vod (maybe 4 or 5??) which is enough to finish me right off, but had a bloody fantastic night! We were all dressed up as Snapchat filters (obvs) and I actually felt like partying! For the first time in forever I did a little bit of dancing (shocked cat emoji) and wasn’t sat down on the sofa at the side the whole time as expected!! I still left early and slept in the cab home but I was so bloomin’ happy.

Then I was not so happy…. this is my most recent kind of relapse within the big relapse if that makes any sense. I think I’ve been pretty unwell and at home most of the time since New Years with the odd few days of being much better and then straight back down again- They call it ‘boom and bust’ in the M.E. world, where you basically feel a little bit better so you do a bit more because you are desperate to and then it’s too much so you’re worse than when you started. Good times.

So yea, since then I haven’t had any alcohol…ok that’s a lie… I went on a date (shocked cat emoji again please) and really felt like I had to have one drink, but that was a whole other story that when the time comes deserves its own blog!! (just you wait) - and yes I got really unwell after I drank so never again. It’s been about 3 months sober now (LOL I don’t actually have a drinking problem at all) but we have a house party in about a months time…. uh ohhhh I know it’s so easy to say that ‘your health is so much more important’ and not to drink, but there’s a fat alcoholic stuck inside of me trying to get out and she just wants to party and eat LOL.

So now I am on the train down to Sussex now to see my family for the Easter weekend :) I usually end up breaking down to my Mum and spending a majority of the time resting, but I am feeling confident that I can ‘Process’ throughout my time there and really enjoy being home……. AND SEEING MY CAT!!!!!

So I packed my laptop away and got off the train and am now avec la fam :)

Happy Easter you lovely lot!!! I hope that you all eat as many easter eggs as physically possible and that you are able to spend a bit of time with ya loved ones! 

Every day, and week, is so up and down but we’ve just got to keep the faith. Most of the things I did this week I genuinely didn’t think I would be able to do, and couldn’t have done the week before. The darkest roads lead to the most beautiful destinations, we’ve just gotta somehow travel down them without giving into them. Oh, and we’ve GOT to learn to control our Brian's, I really believe that. Let’s see what happens…. ;) xx 

[lets-make-out]

I love you *Sunday 1st October 2017 10;31 PM*

I shouldn’t have been mad at him. I realize now that it was really stupid to be so mean and mad at him. I know that I get annoyed when I don’t see him often. It just means that I miss him and it’s stupid to be so mad all the time. It all started when I got into a fight with my parents. This was also stupid but I told him about it and he was really compassionate. He even got a bit upset about it. Later we decided to go to Haarlem to go shopping. At first I was still a bit mad at him. It was kinda awkward and I didn’t really know what to say. We visited a few stores and then I saw the Pandora store with the ring that I wanted. I wanted to buy that ring and he kinda didn’t want to go inside but I pulled him in. I never meant for him to buy it for me, but I think he thought I just wanted him to pay for it. We went inside and he basically knew which one I wanted and this lady came to us and asked if she could help so I asked if she had this ring in other sizes. Lothar was already being really busy on his phone talking to his mother. I kinda just wanted to get it over with so I said yes this is it and I paid for it. The lady said there were also matching earrings but I didn’t want to spend any more. So we went outside and he said you were so fast, I wanted to pay that for you. For me, that was already enough but it wasn’t my intention to make him feel obligated to buy me a ring. So I said, well, there are matching earrings? He actually looked them up and I thought that was very sweet. We were both already in a much better mood. Then we shopped for another few hours and he bought me dinner. Then he wanted to buy new jeans and while he was in the fitting room, he asked if I wanted to send his mother a text for the money. So I started writing and then I saw them conversation in which he said like Denise wants a ring and his mom responded jokingly like not a wedding ring I hope right and then he said oh no she’s paying for it herself. Then we went home and he showed his mother his clothes and it was all just good and then we went to the Bakkerij and we drank pretty much since the ATM only gave 20 euros. So we could drink for forty euros which is quite much. At the end of the night we were pretty drunk. There were these jazz-like songs without lyrics and he sang his own lyrics to me. I don’t remember much except for ‘I will love you for an eternity’ which is so sweet. Then we went home and he smoked another joint and he kept on offering me his jacket because I was shaking but I wasn’t that cold. Then we went to his house and brushed our teeth. It was cold as hell in his room and we started to undress. I had my pants off and I was taking off my shirt as he started to make out with me. He took off my bra and pulled down my panties as he pulled down his boxers. We kept on making out and he started to touch me and I was so horny. He basically threw me on the bed and we started to have sex. It was very intense. I was so horny Jesus Christ I hope we didn’t wake up his parents. Then he went down on me and it was so good. I totally loved it. A few minutes later he came back up and we started to have sex again (he hadn’t come yet). It was again very intense and fast and then I was sure he came. We didn’t move for a few seconds and then he laid next to me and while he was doing that I asked if he was done yet. He smiled and said, of course I’m not done. God just the way he said that was so hot. So I sat on top of him and we kept on having sex. It really took forever, I don’t know how he did that. A few minutes later he kinda let me know without words that he wanted to switch positions but I pushed him back down and said no and then I went down on him. I actually really liked it and it seemed like he liked it too because he was kind of moaning. But then he started to move his hips with his hand on my head, and I can handle one of those but not both at the same time so I couldn’t help but slightly gag and he noticed and sat straight up as he kissed me and we changed positions and kept on having sex. I swear to god, he kept on going for almost two hours. I was like, did you take a pill or something, how are you doing this? I felt just so comfortable having sex with him and it was fun and hot. I really liked it. And then he finally came and he came deep as hell. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to walk for at least a day. He gave me a towel and we cuddled up. He was warm and soft and I was laying in his arms and feeling so happy. ‘You’re sweet’, I said. ‘No, you’re sweet’, he replied. ‘I love you’, I said. ‘I love you too babe’, he replied. And then we fell asleep as I was laying in his arms. This night was beautiful. We slept till 2:30 in the afternoon. I really love him and I’m so happy with him.