#i'll work on the actual answer to your questions shortly

[oracle-of-dream]

Bad Habit

Summary: Jiwoong's your partner in class studying bad habits. You happen to chew on the inside of your mouth and bite your nails. It's not healthy! He feels compelled to find a new way to help you.

Warnings: Male Reader, Jiwoong is a caring man, Finger/Hand fetish, Finger Sucking, Hair Pulling, Oral Fixation, Blowjob, Cum-swallowing

Wordcount: 2.5k

It's been a habit you've had for a long time. Maybe even since you were a kid. Any time you felt stressed out, you naturally started grinding your teeth. It felt like your brain was running out of air, your ears buzzed, and you couldn't think straight unless your mouth was occupied. After a while, it changed to chewing gum, sucking on lollipops, biting your nails... whatever you needed, to keep your brain running. It was just so relaxing.

The clouds looked so fluffy today. You chewed on your index finger while letting your mind wander.

"Y/n, your assigned partner is... Jiwoong." Your professor's voice snapped you back to reality.

Looking around the room for context clues on the topic, you noticed everyone was sitting in pairs. Talking to one another, and discussing plans.

A man by the window stared at you, his dark eyes locked with yours as he smiled. He waved you over and you took your bag to sit by him. "I'm Jiwoong. We'll be partners for a while for the project. Do you get everything that's happening?" He asked with a soft smirk.

You hated partner work. It complicated things, and you didn't even know the topic. And this Greek statue of a man was your partner–it smelled like you would be doing it all alone anyway. "No, I missed the explanation. I'll go and ask the teacher."

Jiwoong shook his head. "No need. I can explain it to you." Jiwoong explained the entire project idea with amazing clarity– as if he had written the assignment himself. It was a simple experiment to study bad habits. Each group was meant to learn about their partner and identify a bad habit and ways they can try to prevent it.

"Oh, that's super simple. What's your bad habit, Jiwoong?"

Jiwoong chuckled. "I thought we were supposed to learn about each other. Where's the fun if I just tell you the answer?"

"What do you suggest instead?"

"How about lunch? You can learn a lot about a person over a meal." Jiwoong started packing his bag. You followed him, packing your back, and walking to the campus cafeteria.

You tried to study him while walking, but he gave nothing to work with. It was time for a different approach. "Do you have any hobbies?"

"I work out," He said shortly.

"Favorite foods?"

"I like fruits, mostly the sour ones."

"Um... fears?"

"Next question."

You continued asking general questions until you sat at the table across from him. It was beginning to irritate you how nonchalant he was being. The static in your brain started taking over, the rising sound of ringing in your ears. Before you could enjoy your food, you started chewing on your chopsticks. The feeling of rolling your tongue over and around the cold metal soothed you in an instant.

"Y/n?" Jiwoong called.

"Mmh?" You mumbled as you looked over your food, deciding what to eat first.

"Actually, never mind." Jiwoong picked up his utensils and started eating with you.

You tried to study Jiwoong while he ate, but he was still perfect. An impeccable wall, with not a single crack. Meanwhile, Jiwoong studied you back with sharp eyes that occasionally met yours. Eventually, figuring out the other got boring and you let your mind wander again. Going over what else you had to do after lunch. Go to another class, study for a few hours, and then you have to stop at the store to get food for dinner.

Unconsciously, your hand scratched your chin. But instead of putting your hand back down, your thumb found its way to your lips. Your lips parted and you started chewing on your nail.

Jiwoong sucked on his teeth. "Don't bite your nails. It's not healthy for you."

You obediently put your hand down. "Whatever," you mumbled. You continued with your meal, occasionally glancing at Jiwoong and catching him closely watching your hands. You ate your meal but somehow you ended up biting your nail again.

Jiwoong stood and grabbed your hand, his eyes coated with a hint of irritation. "Don't bite them," He warned. "Or is this your bad habit?" Jiwoong smirked at you as he shook your hand in his.

"I guess it is."

"So, now we're supposed to find a way for you to break that habit." Jiwoong went through his bag and pulled out a lollipop. "Just suck this instead, okay? I read before that the best way to break that habit is to do something else."

You took the candy from him to see the flavor. "Is this butterscotch? Who eats this?" You tossed it back to him.

"It was just a random flavor, I didn't specifically pick that one. Just eat it." Jiwoong unwrapped it and pressed it to your lips, leaning over the table to reach you. You turned your head, which forced Jiwoong to hold you by your chin and guide the candy to your lips. He was soft when handling you. Holding your chin up so you were looking at him as his thumb brushed against your lips. Your lips parted for a moment and he seized the opportunity to slide into the opening. Just for a moment, Jiwoong's finger passed into your mouth and then left. His eyes were tender but piercing and you felt something inside you snap...

Jiwoong let you go and sat down. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so pushy–I was just trying to–"

"It's fine... I have to go. I'll see you around." The words spilled out of your mouth quickly as you scooped your belongings and rushed out of the cafeteria, your mouth filling with saliva as you did.

You could only make it to the bathroom before spitting into the sink. Your skin ran hot in waves, almost pulsing. Every time you closed your eyes, you could see Jiwoong's face holding you as his hands slipped into your mouth. Locked in a stall, you tried to calm down but the candy wasn't helping. Even biting your nails wasn't good enough anymore. You sat on the toilet, closed your eyes, and put your fingers on your lips. You saw Jiwoong looking at you with so much care as his fingers pushed into your mouth, letting you suck on them. He moved his long fingers making you gag as he held you by your neck–he wouldn't let you back away from him. Your body twitched and squirmed as your brain went black. Softly, you started humming, then moaning as you felt pleasure from your mouth being occupied. Less than a minute of this made you finish in your pants, you breathed heavily as you returned to reality.

You were sitting in the bathroom. Fingers dripping, lips swollen, and a dark spot in your pants that couldn't show how messy it was in there.

You cleaned yourself up, had to use your bag to cover your crotch, and left the bathroom. After a few minutes, you could feel an itch at the back of your throat. No matter how many times you coughed or rubbed your throat, it wouldn't go away. By the time you got home, it was unbearable. Drinking something cold or hot and eating cough drops. Nothing was working... Until you had an idea. Slowly, you put your index finger in your mouth and started to suck on it. The itch stopped and your head was at peace again. But anytime you stopped, the itch wouldn't stay gone for long.

Were you really that much of a freak? You couldn't focus unless something was in your mouth. You had to buy more candy that night to try and calm yourself, but you barely slept. At all. And the next morning was even worse, even your fingers weren't doing the trick anymore. You needed something longer to touch the back of your throat, to itch it directly. But your gag reflex would stop you from pushing anything too far... You needed someone to scratch it for you.

You struggled through the school day. Every minute felt like an hour. But you just needed to see him again, to ask for help...

When your psychology class came, you booked it into the classroom. Jiwoong was there before you and smiled at you walking in. Your body's immediate reaction was to start salivating as if it knew what would come. You approached Jiwoong as calmly as you could, trying to drink down as much spit as you could before speaking.

"Jiwoong, about yesterday–"

"I really am sorry about that. I shouldn't have been so forceful with you."

"No! I'm really not offended."

Jiwoong chuckled. "Well if you're sure. Just let me know if I can do anything to make it up to you, I just feel bad."

Your brain rang in alarm. This was your chance. "I–uhm, actually do have something you can help me with."

His eyes brightened. "Sure, anything."

"Can you come with me for a bit? Now?" You tried to contain yourself but the way you said "now" was almost like a moan. Jiwoong nodded and followed you out of the classroom. You led him down a few hallways until you found a secluded spot.

"What's wrong? Is it bad?"

You nodded. Struggling to keep it together. You picked up Jiwoong's hand before speaking, "I-I need a serious favor."

"Say it."

Your face burned with embarrassment with the words that came out of your mouth, "Can I please suck on your fingers?"

The silence was deafening. You stood there, unable to look at his face, waiting for his eventual judgment. But it never came–Jiwoong moved his hand to your lips. "Do I need to do anything specific?"

"You'll let me!?"

Jiwoong nodded. "I said I'd make it up to you. So, sure."

You couldn't hold it back anymore. You didn't waste another moment as you closed your eyes and took two of Jiwoong's fingers into your mouth. You pushed as far down as possible, gagging immediately as your body shook. You felt Jiwoong pull his hand away, maybe out of fear for your safety, but you opened your eyes to look at him. You silently begged for more.

Jiwoong moved his fingers back into your mouth, making your eyes roll. It felt so much different when he moved on his own.

You pulled off completely, swallowing a deep breath first. "C-Can you... do it?"

"D-Do what?" Jiwoong's eyes were wide as he watched your every move.

"Please... can you help me?"

"Just tell me what to do."

"Can you take control a bit? You can stop, but I can't do it alone."

Jiwoong smiled, cupping your cheek. "Okay, I can. If that's what you need, I'll do it. My way." Jiwoong fixed his stance before you, his energy completely switching. "Kneel for me," He commanded.

Slowly you knelt and looked up at him.

"Oh, that's perfect." He stroked your cheek again before putting his two fingers on your lips. "Open." You shivered at receiving the order as your mouth wrapped around his fingers. Jiwoong held the back of your head with his other hand and pushed you forward. His fingers pushed into your mouth as your tongue wrapped around them. They tasted sweet, like sugar, and were so soft. Jiwoong played with your tongue, stroked the roof of your mouth, and looked deep into your eyes the whole time. His chest rose sharply as he gripped your head tighter, his breath loud and ragged. "Y/n, stop for a second," He pulled you off him, leaving you gasping for air.

"Why? Please, don't stop–I'm not finished." You begged, almost crying from the absence.

"I know... I need help too." Jiwoong pushed your head toward his crotch, gently asking. "Can you help me too? It'll be good for us both." Sucking his fingers was the only thing you'd thought about. But now Jiwoong was offering something else... From what you could see from the bulge in his pants–he's huge.

You nodded slowly. "Please, let me suck it."

Jiwoong unbuckled his pants and let his cock out of his underwear. It slapped against your face. It was heavy and warm. It smelled clean with a hint of sweat. He tapped it on your face a few times before he pulled on your hair. "Open... Please." You could hear Jiwoong straining, trying to keep himself from being too rough with you.

You gently opened your mouth and went to reach for his cock. Jiwoong swatted your hand away. “No hands, just–let me.” Jiwoong slapped his cock on your tongue. “You’re so cute… It’s almost bigger than your face. Lick it, baby.” Your tongue darted out, giving small kitten licks, precum salty and sticky on the stiff muscle. Jiwoong’s jaw clenched as you swirled your tongue around the tip, then licked along his shaft slowly. “Very good,” He mumbled. “Just like that, keep going.”

Your spit dripped down his cock as you licked, almost choking on your spit as you climbed up it.

“Can I fuck your mouth?” Jiwoong grunted. You nodded gently, eyes begging for more. Jiwoong pushed into your mouth, cock heavy on your tongue as the tip hit your throat. “So wet–” He started moving, listening for your moans as the vibrations traveled up his cock. Every touch of the back of your throat hit the spot perfectly. You gagged, but with Jiwoong holding you there was no way to pull away. “Brace yourself.” Jiwoong started speeding up, now both hands were holding your hand as he moved your head on his cock in time with his thrusts. Your throat bulged as his length dove down your throat. You twitched and shook at the sensation overload. Jiwoong didn’t stop. He couldn’t.

He grunted at every thrust, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry–” His next apology was cut off by his orgasm crashing over him. His cum spilled into your throat, while his cock was still deeply invested in you, forcing you to swallow. “Take it… Every drop,” Jiwoong grunted as he pulled his cock from between your lips and took a good look at you. Red, teary love-struck eyes, swollen lips, breathing heavily. You enjoyed every second of it and couldn’t feel the itch anymore. Finally, you could think soundly. Then the thought of what just happened crept into your mind.

“Jiwoong, I…”

Jiwoong looked around while slipping his cock back into his pants. “We should get out of here.”

“About that, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t get rid of that feeling and I needed something…”

Jiwoong helped you to your feet. “I needed you too,” He kissed you, tasting himself on your lips. “And if you need assistance regularly, I can do that.”

You nodded. “I’d like that… A lot.”

Jiwoong’s hand slid down your stomach, “And, I can even repay you for–” Jiwoong’s eyes widened as his hand reached your crotch. “Did you cum already?” You slowly nodded. “You need some extra pants? I have my gym pants in my bag.”

“Yeah… if you don’t mind.”

[lailoken]

Hi! If you don’t have the capacity to answer questions like this thats totally okay but I was wondering if you have any thoughts/resources on house cleansing rituals? My family and I are soon moving into the home my parents will likely live in for the rest of their lives, and I’m feeling drawn to consecrate the space with some cleansing and protection magic but unsure of where to start. We are of Irish and Danish descent living on Coast Salish land, I’m sure there’s some rich folk magic I could draw from but I have no teachers or guides to show me the way! I deeply admire your work and appreciate any advice you might offer :) Thank you!

Hello there, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond! I've got a whole bunch of messages I've been meaning to respond to.

I definitely get that urge to "magically nest" into a new home.

I'll start by addressing the cleansing aspect of your question. When it comes to a new home (or really, any new space or item that you're going to be exposing yourself to energetically over time) there is often an urge to cleanse in some way, which is understandable. However, I encourage you to check in with yourself and your intuition of the space, asking if it feels truly pertinent to cleanse it. I bring this up because, some things—and homes especially, in my opinion—can actually benefit from and be strengthened by the accrual of energy in them. For instance, sometimes you move into a place, and it just feels gross and wrong on a visceral level, as if it was covered in "energetic grime." In a situation like that, cleansing makes total sense, as the goal is to remove that influence so that you can begin to imbue it with energy of your own. However, other times, you move into a place and immediately feel the warmth, love, and care that has been steeped into it, in which case, why would you want to remove such a rich and supportive energetic foundation from which to build upon?

As an example, when my in-law's first moved into the house we later inherited, it was shortly after the house's first tenant had died within it. She was a very kind and funny old woman who really liked my in-laws and helped make it possible for them to buy it following her death. For the first ten years or so of living in the house, they still strongly felt a sense of her caring nature present in the home, which makes sense given how long she lived there. What's more, though, any time my in-laws would argue or struggle with tension, they would begin to smell cigarette smoke and hear distant country music they couldn't find the source of (two things the original homeowner loved and indulged in daily), which would always lead to them laughing and patching things up. The energetic residue left by this woman could theoretically have been cleansed upon moving into the house, but I believe that would have been a sad loss for the house and the family.

With that little rant out of the way, let's say that you do have reason to want to cleanse the home and address that approach. There are many different ways one could use to energetically cleanse a building, but the main ones that seem worth mentioning here include Fumigations, Washes, and Recitations.

Purifying Fumigations involve invoking the excisive virtues present in a given material or mix of materials (such as Rue, Sage, or Vervain) and then burning said materials to release the ritually activated and aligned virtues of excision to aid you in cleansing the space. Practically speaking, this looks like wafting smoke through the home.

A Cleansing Wash involves steeping the excisive virtues of pertinent materials (such as Salt and Chile Pelper) into a solvent base (such as Water, Vinegar, or Oil), invoking and aligning said virtues ritually, and then using the homemade solution to physically cleanse the space (using the different solvents depending on your need—i.e. use oil for polishing wood, use vinegar for cleaning glass, etc.)

Recitations of Banishment involve walking through the house reciting or reading words of power aloud that call for the expulsion of unwanted energies or entities. This method will generally benefit from a close connection to the source material and/or a close working relationship with one's spirit allies.

In many cases, a mixture of two or more of these approaches will be used in conjuctjon to purify a home.

As for domestic protection magic, that's another subject with innumerable approaches. Additionally, most useful domestic protection magic I've encountered seems to focus on particular facets of protection (which is why my home is layered with multiple wards). As such, I struggle a little bit to think of a concise and clear way to discuss this aspect of your question. However, here are some links to previous posts in which I've discussed things like:

Protecting the home from Intruders

Protecting the home from Storms

Protecting the home from Fire

Protecting the home from Malefic Forces

A Generalized Property Ward

Additionally, I believe that developing a close working relationship with the spirirt of one's home—called a Genius Domi in my tradition—is probably one of the best ways to establish magical guardianship of the house.

[uhitsum]

youve probably answered this question before, but just how did you do it? im at about 120 now (but very short), i can only dream of reaching 200. Whats the secret (is there one?)

I don't think there is much of a secret, I can't tell you any new hack for gaining that you've never heard before. But I'll gladly share how I did it :)

I started at 120lbs too, which was a bit underweight on my 5'8" frame 😅 I didnt only gain for the kink, but because I felt genuinely unhappy in my body and I wanted to change it. Here's a rough outline of the pace of my gains:

Sept 2022: 120lbs

Jan 2023: 155lbs

June 2023: 180lbs (plateau until October)

Jan 2024: 200lbs (starting this blog shortly after turning 18)

September 2024: 220lbs (I havent stepped on a scale this month, but I know I hit 220 lol. also yay, 2 years of gaining 🥳)

From Sept 2022 to Jan 2023 was probably the most work I've put into gaining, since i had to rewire the metabolism that had kept me skinny all my life. I don't believe in tricks and hacks in fattening up (not that I could get much for myself, I was 16 and couldn't drive) so I did it the old fashioned way. I altered my meal schedule in this sort of way:

7am Breakfast

NEW 10am Brunch snacks (often a Peanut Butter Smoothie)

12pm Lunch snacks

NEW 3pm actual Lunch (usually followed by a food coma)

6pm Dinner

NEW 9pm 2nd Dinner

I probably wasn't hitting all of these meal times every day, but adding more opportunities for me to get my hands on food throughout the day meant i was almost always thinking of my next meal 😅

Besides just eating more often, another area I worked on was eating more at each meal. I would push myself to go back for seconds, or to pair more with whatever I ate at each meal. I adopted a "what could I add" mentality, where I would never eat one thing alone. My favorite example was for breakfast: before, I'd eat a breakfast sandwich, which is a respectable small meal at ~400 calories. When I was in my "gaining prime," I would add a second sandwich, and put tater tots in the air fryer, adding up to 1000+ calories for just a little more work.

While I know this won't be the glamorous answer many people hope for, it's good honest work with results hard to ignore. After you force yourself to overeat for long enough, it becomes impossible to go back to the small and infrequent meals of before — your own appetite is enough to keep up your gaining momentum 🤭

From Sept 2022 to Jan 2023 was when I was working my gut hard to adhere to the schedules, but I loosened up once I upsized my wardrobe a second time and could feel the softness creeping in. My gainer's appetite kept me cruizing until June, gaining an average of 6lbs a month (🥵) when I started work (at a Frozen Custard shop, no less) which kept me on my feet late at night and made me plateau.

It wasn't until October that I would start pushing myself again, on one Very Horny week where I had the house to myself. I binged every single day, including my first experience drinking melted ice cream (cut with Heavy Cream) 😵‍💫 which led into a plateau break as I gained 20lbs in 3 months once again.

2024, despite me making this blog, has been predominantly a cruising year. I started at 200lbs, bigger than I had ever expected to get when I first started, so I mainly just eat a lot when I want to, and don't when I don't. Now that I'm in college, both stress eating and a very loving boyfriend join the mix, so we'll wait and see what these next few years have in store for my waistline 😉

So, that's the long and short of it! If you're looking to gain, I think you have to push yourself, but make sure you're only doing so in ways you can enjoy. Routine is EVERYTHING, with the end goal that you shouldn't have to make conscious decisions to overeat; it should just be a fact of life 😌 I wouldn't personally recommend relying on drinks to fatten up from the very beginning, since those can be easy to get sick of, but they can be valuable tools for plateau breaking in combination with an otherwise gourmand mindset.

Thanks for the ask! And to anyone brave enough to make it through to the end, thank you for reading! I love telling my gainer story, because I like to put it into a more realistic framework than many of the hot and horny stories out there are able to do. As thanks, here's a belly pic just for you! Dont mind the bruises, we just had a little fun yesterday :3

[whousestypewriters]

you again?? - jameson x reader

pairing: jameson hawthorne x fem!reader

warnings: swearing

a/n: part two is here!! hope you like it! its also like 11pm when is started writing this so sorry if its crap - i need to sleep guys

part one: i don't even know your name

its officially been one week since the night you met jameson.

jameson hawthorne to be exact.

one quick google search of his name - okayyy you were curious about the guy and searched his name up, but you weren't expecting him to be fucking famous - and you now had enough information that you could practically be his mother.

so yes its been one week since you were kissed by the devastatingly handsome boy and then you left him on the stairs running into the night.

your thoughts have been plagued by him. you even made a playlist for him.

cause you know what? you're only human.

try having the most handsome, charming, flirty person you've ever met kiss you and not think about it. its physically impossible.

so for seven whole days you've had to fight off the thoughts of jameson.

you were majorly unsuccessful.

like right now, as you sit on the bus driving towards your new job. clearly the whole stealing a car didn't work out. but you choose to positively ignore it, the same way you try ignore any thoughts of jameson - delusion is real.

pulling up at the nearest bus stop you get off the bus in your new clothes that you spent nearly every every penny you own on.

you trek the five miles uphill and in the heat to get to the gate of the house you were working in. nearly dying from the exercise you're about to press the ringer to call up to the house when a black unmarked veichle pulls up beside you.

the window winds down and alisa's - the woman who interviewed you - head sticks out looking down at you in question.

feeling its better to lie you simply say "car broke down this morning, had to catch them bus then walk."

at alisa exasperated look its clearly just the answer she was hoping for. "hop in the car."

pulling yourself inside you make eye contact with alisa and smile hoping it will be returned. it wasn't.

"okay, so y/n... was it?"

you nod. "yes."

"okay, good. y/n, when we arrive up at the house shortly, i'll give you your company computer, keycard - which will get you inside the property and our office in town - and files. you can also have the keys to this car - until you can get your own sorted - how long do you think it'll be out of action for?"

"at least a few months," you lie effortlessly. "they have to order the parts in from overseas."

alisa eyes you for a moment and you tense up wondering if you'd been caught out. "thats fine, just let me know when its out."

you revert back to silence and look out the window to the house - well actually house is an understatement. its a fucking mansion. like seriously its huge and gorgeous like straight out of an 1800's movie.

the sweeping structure looks like it has at least four floors. alisa noticing your wonder at the house starts off into a spiel about the house - it has a bowling alley?? - woah this is a huge place.

when you pull up in front of the house the driver gets out and opens your door handing you the car keys and walking off. alisa appears by you side and opens the huge - and i mean huge - front door.

she struts inside, seriously she's like a supermodel, formidable and determined as she walks into the house - mansion - and over to a table inside the grandest foyer ever.

holy shit these people are loaded.

it has grand archways on either side of the room and a intricately carved ceiling. you could honestly house at least ten families of five in here and still have room for more.

alisa turns back to you and hands you a key card, computer and two books that you have to read through as soon as possible.

"read that sooner rather than later, the hawthornes have quite a bit of information you have to learn about before you're officially allowed to be here without me."

you smile up at alisa. "thanks."

wait...

hawthornes?

alisa smiles back at you, before her looks returns to its usual stoney face. "that look of wonder in your eyes will disappear after you read this," she says patting the folders in your arms. " a word of warning though, don't lose your heart to a hawthorne, its not worth it." her words are sharp, a warning.

you're about to ask why, when a voice appears from the bottom of the stairs. "and who is this?" you turn to see a darker skinned boy with a charming grin walking towards you.

"xander, this is y/n my new assistant, she'll be around more often," alisa explains.

the boy - xander - raises an eyebrow and takes your hand, kissing it with a grin. "enchantè, y/n. i have a feeling we're going to be best friends."

you can't help the grin that takes over your own face. "really?"

"mhm. besties."

you're about to respond to him with a cheeky remark when another voice appears at the bottom of the stairs. "who's the new girl?"

you tense up and try to swallow the sudden lump in your throat. that voice. its the same flirty voice that has filled your dreams for the past few nights.

turning around you past on a smile and look to the approaching jameson hawthorne.

he falters slightly his eyes creasing in recognition before he continues on his path towards alisa. pretending he doesn't know you.

"and you are?"

"y/n," you answer, in the same fashion. "who are you?"

"jameson hawthorne at your service."

"lovely to meet you y/n," he winks. "for the very first time." he turns to xander in expliantion. "we've absolutely never met before, never before. and we most certainly haven't done anything illegal."

you can't decide if you want to slap him or kiss him.

the second is certainly more appealing.

a/n pt2: i hope you liked it!! sorry there wasn't too much jamie in this one <33

taglist: @lxvebelle, @reminiscentreader, @ravenclawdirectioner, @mrs-jameson-hawthorne, @tornqdowarnings

@zenikswaffleshop

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs (Pt. 02)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader

Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?

Warning(s): allusions to sex, graphic descriptions of murder, violent use of knife, vomiting, curse words, miscommunication, Derek says one cruel sentence but that's it I promise

Word Count: 2800-ish

Author's Note: here's the part two I promised! I'll be making a masterlist shortly after posting this so stay tuned I actually ended up making the masterlist ahead of time lol but yeah you can access it below xx as always, don't forget to like/comment/reblog or send me messages/asks if you wanna talk! :)

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

After that one fateful night, falling in bed with Derek Morgan only became that much easier.

The morning after that first time, you had slipped out of bed and prepared breakfast for two with the intention of sitting Derek down for a talk.

What did last night mean?

Does it seem like something you want to explore further?

Where do you see this heading in the future?

The mental list of questions just kept growing and growing as you continued scrambling the eggs. Derek emerged from the bedroom right around the time you were putting toasts on the plates.

And at that same second, Derek's phone began to ring.

"Hey, baby girl," he greeted quickly. "Okay. Alright, I'll be right there."

"Penelope?" you asked once he hung up the call.

"Uh huh."

"Is it a case?"

Before he could answer, your own phone started ringing on the kitchen counter, showing the contact name of one "Best Tech Fairy in the World".

"Yup." Derek smiled apologetically. "They want us in thirty."

You never did end up eating breakfast that day.

With the team's hectic schedule of flying, moving around, and profiling, it seemed as if you couldn't find the right time to pull Derek aside and talk about that night. Although in all honesty, you knew deep down that was merely an excuse for you to put off talking to him due to your own fears.

What if that night meant something different to him?

What if there was nothing he wanted to explore further?

What if he doesn't see this heading anywhere in the future?

The horror of these new questions tormented you every single second of every day. The prospect of losing Derek before you could have him, before anything could even happen between the two of you, was far too heartbreaking than any compromise you had to make just to have whatever little part of himself you were allowed to keep.

So when one particular night, during a particular case, you heard muffled knocking on the door to your hotel room, only to find Derek standing there in the hallway, you didn't even hesitate to let him in.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. The little charade you had with Derek just kept on going. At night, when everybody was fast asleep and there was no one to tell your secrets, Derek was all yours. But during the day, you kept it professional in front of everyone else. Just like the two oceans in the Gulf of Alaska, you made sure that these two sides of your life continued to remain as separated as possible.

But as you previously had predicted, something was always bound to go wrong in these circumstances.

"He's cute," Emily noted loudly from beside you.

"What?"You furrowed your forehead at the brunette, momentarily dragging your attention away from the file at hand.

The BAU team had been called in to assist on a case in a small town just around the outskirts of Iowa. Early investigation had your team believing that the case was somehow connected to a series of disappearances that happened in the 90s. So while Rossi and Hotch went to the crime scene where your latest victim was found, and JJ and Reid were running around to chase other potential leads, you, Emily, and Derek seemed to have pulled the shortest ends of the sticks and were now stuck delving into the endless stacks of case files from the 90s cases.

Emily raised an eyebrow at the confusion across your face. "Don't play dumb with me."

"I'm not playing. I'm just dumb."

Your fellow agent rolled her eyes at your retort. "Deputy Wolff got the hots for you."

You tore your eyes away from Emily's smirk and followed her gaze towards Deputy Wolff, who was just there to distribute the files you had requested from the disappearance cases. He was the youngest sherriff deputy in the department, lean build and tall with a kind face and driven eyes. He had been very helpful to everyone ever since your team had landed just the day prior.

"You're seeing things," you ended up saying to Emily, denying her claim once and for all.

"I'm not! He gets all flustered when you're around. Wait for him to come by again and then see for yourself. Or--" Emily's eyes flickered over to Derek, who had chosen to keep his silence from the other side of the table, "--you can ask the witnesses. Hey, Morgan. I'm right, aren't I?"

Derek lifted his head and met Emily's expectant stare. "About?"

"About how Deputy Wolff is totally in love with her and she should ask him for his number."

Derek's eyes briskly moved over to you. It was only for the shortest of seconds, but the gravity behind them had you staying rooted in place.

"I think she should do whatever she wants."

You tried not to let the lack of emotion in his reply affect you, but it was easier said than done. And for the next few hours, you caught yourself chancing a few glances in Derek's direction when you were sure that no one else was looking.

That same night, just like many other nights before, you found Derek standing in front of your door.

What transpired next had become muscle memory for you. Stripping you both of your clothes was a habitual routine. The feeling of his skin, the delicious stretch of his length inside of you, every detail surrounding the elusive Derek Morgan had forever been ingrained in the most intricate corners of your brain.

In those precious moments of delirium, you could almost pretend that Derek was yours as much as you were exclusively his.

"I saw Deputy Wolff talking to JJ this afternoon," Derek spoke up out of the blue into the quietness of your hotel room.

You exited the bathroom and looked at the direction where he was sitting against the headboard. "Oh?"

"He was asking about you."

"Was he?"

You picked up the discarded T-shirt on the floor before quickly putting it on, aware of the pair of eyes that followed every inch of your movement the entire time.

"He's gonna ask you out," Derek spoke again. There was a beat of silence before he continued, "Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Go out with him."

The question lingered in the air.

The most truthful answer would be no. You were not going to go out with Deputy Wolff, or anyone else for that matter. You hadn't even been going on dates since you started joining the BAU. There was only one person you were interested in going on a date with at that moment, and he was the one lying on your bed asking stupid questions about your interest in other men.

Derek seemed to assume your extensive silence as your partiality to the idea. "You're considering it."

Your attention snapped back towards him.

"Don't go out with him," he later added.

That last statement fueled an incredulous fire inside your chest. "Why not?"

"Because--" Derek sat up straighter on the bed, searching his mind for the right reason to say but coming up empty, "--just because."

And that one simple reason just wasn't good enough for you.

"What happened to I should do whatever the hell I want, huh?" you shot back, recalling the words he had said at the station. "I don't know what I'd do yet. I'll have to think about it."

"There's nothing to think about." Derek's voice was harder now, more bitter. He threw the covers off his legs and started putting his boxer back on. "Why would you go out with him, anyway?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

Silence.

You ignored the earth-shattering sound of your heart breaking in that deafening quietness.

You knew deep down what it was you wanted Derek to say. You wanted him to tell you that he didn't want you to go out with Deputy Wolff, or any other man ever again, because he wanted to be the only one to take you out from that point forward. You wanted him to assure you that the frightening feeling brewing in your chest was the same one that was also blooming in his. That the prospect of something new and exciting growing between the two of you wasn't just another product of your inane fantasies.

You wanted him to let you know that as much as your heart belonged to him, his heart had always belonged to you, too.

But Derek continued to let that silence linger. It settled heavily in the center of the room, mocking the ticking bomb between the two of you that was imminent to explode.

"So, you will go out with him then?" Derek said through gritted teeth.

"What is it to you?"

"Do you think he would still want to go out with you when he finds out I've been fucking you on the side for months?"

Derek knew it as soon as the sentence left his mouth, but it was too late. Your eyes were red, an ironic metaphor to the blazing rage that had clawed its way out of your chest. He began to move towards you, wanting to make right the wrong he had caused over his hurtful words, but your stern palm stopped him before he even got the chance to take half a step.

"I want you to leave," you seethed.

"Bug, I didn't mean to--"

"Leave, Derek." You gathered his clothes from the floor, making sure to shove every single item right into his arms. "Out. Now."

Derek didn't bother to put the rest of his clothing back on, and you didn't trouble yourself in casting one last glance at Derek's retreating figure before he slammed the door upon his exit.

In the painful aftermath of Derek's absence, you let yourself cry until the exhaustion brought you to sleep.

You hadn't talked to Derek again since that fight.

Technically, it wasn't entirely true. You did still talk to him at work. About the case. Or during the occasional team gatherings at the bar or at Rossi's house.

But beyond the necessary interactions you had to endure as coworkers, you and Derek had never been as far apart as possible.

The late night visits had stopped. So did the flirtatious, harmless banters that started long before your little arrangement. Missing him was your new constant, and it made you feel so foolish because Derek was always there, so near yet so out of reach at the same time.

Hence why, in an attempt to distract yourself from wallowing further into your misery--or to dwell too much over the fact that you had been sexually frustrated over the past few weeks--you chose to throw yourself completely into your work.

The team's latest attention had been preoccupied by a series of murders in Arlington. The targets were all women in their 20s to mid 30s who lived alone and had similar physical appearances to one another. The UnSub had kidnapped the women in their homes, taken them somewhere else, and kept them for no more than two weeks before murdering them and dumping their bodies at various locations around town.

At the latest dumping site, the UnSub had left a taunting message specifically addressed to the BAU unit.

"The UnSub obviously craves attention," Emily pointed out. "And he's patient, organized, which means he's highly intelligent. He most likely has a steady job that requires competence but lacking the sense of importance to satiate his needs."

"Well, that just narrows it down to every 9-to-5 worker in the entire city," JJ remarked.

"Nevertheless, it's the best lead we've got so far," Hotch said. "Let's deliver the profile. Reid, you go ahead and review the case files again. See if they missed anything in the initial investigation. And (Y/L/N), I want you to deliver the profile to the press for this one."

"Me?"

"Yes. You fit into his victimology. Hopefully, you'll attract his intrigue and make him slip something up."

Before you could utter your response, a deep voice spoke up from behind you, "Hotch, I don't think it's such a good idea."

You turned around and locked eyes with Derek, who had now gained the attention of the other members of the team.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's too risky, Hotch. We might as well just draw a target on her forehead by letting her give the profile," Derek argued.

The entire room stood still. It was one thing to question Hotch's decisions, but it was another to straight-up disagree with his call. A part of you felt warm at the knowledge that Derek still cared enough to be concerned about your safety, but the other part--the much larger one that was still reeling in the fallout of his rejection--was enraged because he didn't have any rights to speak on your behalf that way.

"I assure you, Morgan, we won't let anything happen to her," Hotch responded calmly. "But, (Y/L/N), it's your decision. You can refuse if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, I'll do it," you interjected quickly, casting a look in Derek's direction just for the sake of being spiteful. "I'll deliver the profile."

As it turned out, Hotch's prediction was correct.

A few days after the press conference, the BAU received a package courtesy of an anonymous sender. Inside, there was a single video tape with a paper containing the names of each member of the team glued on the top.

"That's our latest victim," Rossi noted as soon as the tape started playing on the projector.

It was a video of the victim whose body had been discovered just a day prior. Only in the tape, she was still very much alive. She looked bruised and beaten up, mostly delirious in her tied up position on the chair. Suddenly, she started to become hysterical just as a disguised figure walked into the frame.

"No sound," Reid thought out loud upon realizing that there was no audio in the tape.

"He's taunting us," you pondered before glancing at Hotch. "He must've seen the press conference."

"We'll get this tape to Garcia. See if she can analyze it for anything that can help us catch this UnSub," Hotch instructed.

Everyone's eyes returned towards the screen, seeing that the UnSub had moved to stand behind the victim. Despite having no audio, the look of pure terror on her face had successfully caused chills to run down your spine. Without any foreseen warning, the UnSub grabbed the victim's head and drove his knife straight into the juncture of her neck.

She was still fully conscious when he stabbed her. And in some twisted way, you were thankful that the psychopath had chosen to send the tape with no sound, because you truthfully didn't think that you were capable of sitting there silently while listening to the very last painful moments of another human being's life on this earth.

When he brought his knife across the curve of her neck, spurting an insane amount of blood that some of it even tainted the camera lense, you decided that you couldn't take it anymore.

"Excuse me," you mumbled quickly before rushing out of the room.

Your feet carried you towards the restroom, where you found the nearest empty cubicle and immediately dropped to your knees before emptying the content of your stomach into the toilet bowl.

When you reemerged from the stall, you were taken aback to see JJ already standing beside the hand dryer.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Hm." You nodded absentmindedly before turning on the faucet to wash your hands. "Sorry. It was just brutal, that's all."

"No need to apologize. I get it. It was awful," JJ agreed. "Sadly, not much different than what we've all seen before on our daily basis."

You caught JJ's eyes in the mirror, breaking the eye contact the moment her true implications dawned on you.

"(Y/N), what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting strange."

"Have I?"

You passed by the blonde woman and headed for the door, but JJ's hand on your forearm stopped you before you could go any further.

"You'll tell me if something's up, right?"

Your gut started to churn in guilt. JJ had been amazing since the first time you joined the team. In a way, she was the sister that you never had, and you knew that she was merely looking out for your well-being.

Unfortunately, this particular storm you were facing was something that you needed to figure out on your own. At least, for a little while. Perhaps in the future, you would tell JJ everything. About Derek, about you, your feelings, and the little suspicion that had been nagging at the back of your head for the last couple of days. But in the meantime, the most you could offer her were empty promises and little white lies.

"Of course, J," you told her as you took her hand in yours, squeezing affectionately. "Always."

[bellaxgiornata]

Honestly I cannot believe that I've been on tumblr for just over a year now and somehow there's already so many of you wonderful people here that are reading, enjoying, and supporting my silly little fics. When I jumped over here from AO3, I had not anticipated how much fun I was going to have getting to chat with all of y'all while also sharing my stories with those of you who aren't on AO3. I've definitely made some wonderful friends this past year because of tumblr and I just want to say thank you to everyone for the support. I always mean it when I say y'all are the reason I keep writing these stories 💖

I could certainly get sappier but instead I'll just invite y'all to join me for my first ever celebration! There's a few fun things below the cut that y'all can pop up with in my ask box starting today May 3 through Wednesday May 8! I tried to think of some interesting things that I could realistically make time to do with everything currently going on in my life, especially because I'm also still trying to stockpile rough drafts for many of my stories so that I can still have updates during my upcoming "writing hiatus" (that I'll explain more about later). My plan is to answer things as they come in and hopefully have them all finished shortly after the celebration ends. And once the celebration finally ends, I'm hoping to give y'all an update to a story or a one shot!

Hopefully this will be fun for everyone!

Let's Chat! - Feel free to send me an ask about anything at all! No, seriously. You want to tell me about your day? An upcoming vacation or exciting accomplishment of yours? Do it! Or maybe you want to ask me questions about one of my stories or my writing process? Hell, feel free to ask me about myself, chat about coffee, music, books, pets, whatever!

Discuss Headcanons with Me! - Have any headcanons about Matt Murdock, Frank Castle, or Michael Kinsella that you want to chat about or share with me? Send them in! Or are you interested in a headcanon I might have about one of them in a certain situation? Feel free to ask! We can chat about the boys!

Send Me Fake FFTD Installment Titles! - Create a title name for an installment for my Falling for the Devil series (ex. "The [insert title]") and I'll write a couple of sentences about what I could picture that installment being about! You win bonus points if you can actually stump me on coming up with a plot for your title. But also who knows, maybe some title suggestions could spark an idea for future updates...

Let's Play a Game! - We can play would you rather, have you ever, or fuck/marry/kiss (or kill). For the record, f/m/k can be with anyone from Daredevil, Punisher, Defenders, Kin, or even any of Charlie's characters that I'm familiar with (Matt, Michael, Owen, Henry, Tristan, or Adam) or those of Jon's that I'm familiar with (mainly Frank, Shane, or Julian). If you can think of another game feel free to play it with me!

Ask the Boys! - Do you enjoy my weird internal dialogues with fictional characters that probably make me sound crazy? Great! Feel free to send me an ask to either one or all of the fictional men that live in my head (Matt, Frank, and/or Mikey) and I'll relay whatever they respond with in something of a short internal dialogue!

Request a Sneak Peak! - Since I have been stockpiling quite a few WIPs and rough drafts for a couple of months now, I am open to y'all just requesting a sneak peak. If you do, I will share a snippet from a fic I choose at random from something that's either a fully finished rough draft or still a work in progress!

**You're more than welcome to participate multiple times, but all I ask is that you (1) send things in separate asks, (2) are not rude to me or anyone else, and (3) are 18+ to discuss anything spicy (this is an 18+ blog anyway so I'd hope everyone here already is).**

[bad-decisionsot7]

Them wanting a sextape.

SEOKJIN

"Come on baby, pleaseeeee." he'd beg, his hands stuck together as he practically whined in front of you. "i just want to make one little tape, that's all." you'd give him a "bitch you thought" look but he wouldn't give up. "c'mon, you don't want me watching other girls in another porn, do you?" his mind games worked on you, in fact they always have. "fine..." you'd give in, a victory smirked played out on his face.

NAMJOON

"You know-" he'd pause, eager to hear your answer, "us making a sextape wouldn't be such a bad idea." you'd almost spit out your water looking around your surroundings to see if anyone heard. they didn't. "namjoon that's not something you just bring up." "oh really? what is?' he'd retort. "shit, i don't fucking know. maybe something like hey i washed the laundry so you didn't have to or i accidentally dropped a plate this morning." you'd ramble earning small fits of laughter from him. "okay but no really, we should make a sextape."

HOSEOK

Hobi was always sending videos of him masturbating to you while on tour, not that you cared but it seemed like he was always sending you things and you wanted to give back to him. so it would be no surprise when the two of you filmed a sex tape together with him making sure he got his "good side." he was always vocal during sex but you had figured he was doing it over the top due to the fact that you guys were filming it. he'd be a great porn star.

JIMIN

"Hey, have you ever thought about making a sextape?" jimin would question you out of nowhere. "w-what-" you'd pause, "like a porno?" he'd smirk, licking his lips. "something like that. a lot less dramatic though and with real orgasms." he'd respond, his eyebrows wiggling to tempt you. "i guess i'm down, i never really thought about it though." you'd answer him honestly. "well good, let's start now." he'd pick you up. you'd giggle beginning to wiggle out of his grasp. "stopppp wiggling baby, let me fuck you and record it." he'd whine making you both burst into laughter.

YOONGI

"Wanna watch a movie?" you'd ask him. "why don't we make one instead?" he'd ask, serious as ever. in no time you were sprawled out on your guys' bed, his tongue in your pussy while your hands gripped the sheets, the only witness being his phone which was recording every single bit of the actions that took place.

TAEHYUNG

The two of you would be on facetime while he was on tour, his horniness being the main reason he called. "fuck, i miss your body." he'd groan, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. "and your lips." he'd whimper. you'd simply moan as you watched him jack off on the screen. (my oh my what a sight id kill to see) "i wanna make a sextape with you, one that i'll never stop watching, one that'll make me hard the second i think about it." the two of you would end up making dozens of sextapes. just saying.

JUNGKOOK

You would actually bring up the idea of a sextape, "I just think it'd be hot, you fucking me, me sucking your dick, etcetera." he'd weigh his options a smirk creeping on his face, "fine but only if you act like a dramatic porn star while we do so." you'd groan but shortly after agree. in no time you'd be moaning quite dramatically while he'd fuck you, insisting you call him daddy long dick, you didn't.

[tia-amorosa]

Episode 2: "Where is Bella?" (Part 2, short)

It was shortly after 6:00 a.m. when Mortimer woke up unintentionally. “Oh, good morning, son“/”mmh, has mother banished you for the night again?“/”Mhm, hnhn. How's your heart?"/ ‘My answer to that is always the same, so you don't have to keep asking me that question.’/ ”Sorry. Your daughter was up late. Is she still working on her project?“/”That's not a project, that's nonsense!”.

“Give her a chance, Mortimer. She's the only one here who isn't unstable. She trusts in the power of science"/ ”Science… I don't think much of it anymore… Bella's gone, she's left us…“/”chh, there's an explanation for everything, it just takes time. Do you mind if I take a nap?“/”,Do what you can't help doing”.

“Good morning, Dad. Are you going to the gallery with me after breakfast?“/”What do you think about going to school first?“/”But there's no school today, not until tomorrow. Today the teachers wanted to meet in a, uh… Conc… um?“/”Conference?“/”Yes, exactly“/”mmh. well, let's go to the gallery then”.

“Oh, good morning. I actually wanted to make us breakfast…“/”But we're hungry now. Oh, there's a deer out there“/”no, just a roebuck. All right, I guess I'm off the hook for cooking today“/,,for once”/

After breakfast, they left the house together. “Alex, what do you say you make your way to the gallery already, I'll follow later"/,,I can go alone? O.k., but I'll wait for you outside“/”,all right.“/,,Bye, Cassy, see you later”/ “oh, I'll be out a bit longer, Alex, I'll see you tonight”/”,0.k., ”.

Mortimer deliberately waited until his son had boarded the bus, then kept talking. “Are you going to meet Don?"/ ”I'm planning to, yes. But first I have to go to the institute, there are some important things waiting for me"/ ‘why are you still so stubborn about this?’/ ‘because you've given up on it, Dad, that's why’. He narrowed his eyes. “At some point you're going to reach a limit."/ ‘Hn, I haven't even come close to reaching all the limits yet’.

“I've seen so much, Cassandra, I know where life begins and where it ends. And everything that comes after is more than familiar to me, through all our ancestors. “/"And as you know, not even our ancestors have a clue where mom is, she's not in this world and not in the hereafter… Otherwise“/,,I don't want to hear any more, please.”. His voice sounded tortured and his look was tired. “hh, all right”.

“Are you still seeing Dina?"/ ”Not often, you know that. And you're sure you still want to marry him?"/ ” of course, I love him… And… I don't care what people say here"/. Her father raises an eyebrow. Don didn't have the best reputation in town because of various women's stories. So it was incomprehensible to him what his daughter liked so much about him.

“Why didn't you look for someone else? Someone down to earth… Not so… Wild"/,,he's not wild, he's very charming and polite…. And he knows that I… Have my principles“/”and you're not even church-educated, my child. You could have anyone, you know that"/ ‘hm - I want him and he wants me, his proposal came quickly, but he's serious’/ ‘I hope so’.

Cassandra is friendly and loves her family more than anything. People also like her shy side. This is particularly appealing to Don too - and she knows it. They have never slept together before, she deliberately wanted to wait. She had to. Because of her principles, as her father believes….but maybe there's something else behind it?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover , @solorisims , @plumbobgothica ⭐😊

My story posts are also welcome to be shared.😊🙂

[love-beyond-space-war]

can I be cheeky and request the non-requested story you were gonna do then dropped in favor of requests only: Alliance - Thel 'Vadamee?

I didn't really have ideas and that's why I got rid of it but I'll see what I can do! Here's a short story of Thel saving a marine darling during Attack on Crow's Nest.

Alliance

Thel 'Vadam (Halo 3) x Human Marine! Reader

Synopsis: You try to get used to having a Sangheili, a species who used to be your enemy, around more often.

Content Warning: Romantic/Platonic Pairing (Dubious), Gender-Neutral Reader/Male Character, Xenophobia due to War, Takes place before Chief was found at first then time skips to after, Canon typical violence and death.

The UNSC gaining help of the Sangheili was very important to win the Human-Covenant war. You understood this but still struggled with the idea of working with them. They were your enemy for a long time, after all.

In fact the one who frequented your base concerned you the most. Thel' Vadam, an Arbiter of the Sangheili, had done a ton of damage to humanity alone. He had glassed planets and hindered humanity in the past.

For that... you struggled to welcome him.

Thel was always polite when talking to human leaders and usually paid other marines no mind. You could tell the stares got to him at times but offered no comfort. You were also a marine stationed at The Crow's Nest that still feared Thel like many others.

Thel working with The Chief himself was an admirable trait. Despite this you couldn't just forgive his crimes. You mostly stayed out of the way and only answered questions when talked to.

Thel often came to base with other Sangheili but even then you typically stayed away. You had your own thoughts on Sangheili. Thoughts you'd keep quiet about.

Turns out Thel's Sangheili had their own thoughts about humans.

One of your encounters started in hostility when you accidentally got in the way of one of his soldiers. You were roughly pushed away from your workplace as a Sangheili growls before laughing at how high you jumped. You couldn't stop your beating heart.

Said Sangheili was then kicked into place when by Thel, The Arbiter. You could see Thel glaring at his subordinate before pushing him along. You then see Thel give you an apologetic look for his dishonorable brother.

"Did he hurt you?" He asks you. You struggle to find your words but eventually find something to say.

"Easy to do but it's nothing much, Sir...?" You reply. "I don't blame his actions, tension is a little high."

"I see." Thel hums. "I'll discipline him after seeing your Commander. Take care."

You'll admit you're thankful Thel knows how to keep his Sangheili in line. That interaction didn't help how you felt about the Sangheili as a whole... but you did respect Thel a bit more. Regardless... it still felt weird to be around him.

As much as Sangheili are helping the UNSC, you'd have to wait until Master Chief was located before this war could be changed.

---

Your next encounter with Thel was actually on a "mission" with the Chief himself. Once found, Chief was brought to The Crow's Nest. However, shortly after said base was attacked by Covenant.

As a marine should you fought with all you had. You stayed in the barracks and tried to defend against the waves and waves of Jackals and Grunts. It's when Brutes got involved that you began to falter.

You've seen Brutes tear marines apart, quite literally. You tried to give it your all, spraying bullets into crowds of Covenant. Despite this it was certainly a futile effort.

Before you knew it you were picked up off the ground by your neck like a toy. Claws threatened to crush your windpipe as you were disarmed. You stare the Brute in the eyes as it roared at you.

Even in your situation you try to fight. You struggle and claw at the hand around your throat. You try to kick the chest of the beast but it only laughs at your attempts.

You begin to fear for your life... until the familiar streaks of a plasma sword slide through the Brute's chest like butter.

The Brute drops you as it roars in pain, falling to the ground with an audible thump. You flinch when you barely land on your feet, looking up to see your savior. Your eyes grow wide when you see who it was.

Thel looks down at you with a plasma sword on hand. You feel your throat close as conflicting emotions bounce around your head. Thel, the one who's massacred countless humans in his past, saved you... a weak marine.

"Can you walk?" Thel asks you and you nod, regaining your footing and searching for a nearby weapon, Covenant or not.

"Yes, Sir!" You bellow, the Sangheili gesturing you to follow him.

"Your Sergeant has prepared a ship for us to leave. I've come to gather the other humans at the barracks." Thel explains, looking back to make sure you're keeping pace with him. "You're lucky I found you, Jiralhanae would eat a human like you once they killed you."

You feel yourself gulp, fear gripping you at the idea of that.

"The help is appreciated...." You say softly, running to keep up with the taller Sangheili. You push away your thoughts for his kind to share your gratitude towards him. It's fair to say he's earned it for saving your life.

"It is no issue." Thel states, aiming his Carbine down a hallway. "We are both soldiers fighting against a common enemy now. I'm supposed to aid you."

"Then I will do the same, Sir." You offer, Thel glancing back towards you.

"You fought well back there. The Jiralhanae are challenging foes."

"Brutish..." you hiss under your breath.

"Indeed." Thel snorts. "The name you give them certainly fits."

You were surprised how casual a conversation with Thel can be as he escorted you and other marines to a Pelican. To repay the favor you made it a goal to watch his back. You were also quite thankful The Chief came in to clear the landing pad of Brutes with Thel.

Taking your promise to heart you fired at Covenant troops until it was clear enough to lead. Even when you missed, Thel or Master Chief were quick to clear the threat. By the end of it Sergeant Johnson was escorting Thel and the marines onto the Pelican.

You found yourself taking a seat by your safety, sighing in relief once the ship closed. Thel looked down at you to notice you were there but said nothing. Instead, you spoke up in a whisper tone.

"Thanks for everything... you've earned my respect." You smile, the Sangheili looking back at you.

"It was the right thing to do, wasn't it. I think you've proven yourself as a warrior in training. I hope you're promoted in the future." Thel answers back, listening to the Pelican roar away.

After this... you think you can accept Sangheili a bit more. The past will never be forgotten, you are aware of what Sangheili have done before. Yet the fact Thel saved you made you rethink things.

Maybe you'll accept Thel and his species as a whole faster than you thought after this war is over.

[dont-f-with-moogles]

Terra my love 💚

So many questions about your WIP post it note 😜

(remember the post was actually a WIP ask game, right?)

1. Is the whole story planned with chapter structure etc... or even partly written already?

2. If you already know, how many chapters will there be for this fic?

3. Will they kiss? & more importantly will they fuck? /jk

4. What other SNK characters will appear throughout the fic?

5. May I ask for a sneak peek? (because there was no "WIP it Wednesday" post yesterday 😢)

Could be from the next chapter or another random chapter, I'm so in love with this fic & in love with your writing style & greedy that I'll take any crumbs 🤲 🧎🏻‍♀️

Love you lots & even more 💚

Val! Thanks for sending these questions. I'm always so excited to talk about what I'm working on! I think A Sunrise Without You Is Coming will probably be my longest (and last) fic.

1. Is the whole story planned with chapter structure etc... or even partly written already? The whole fic is planned from start to finish :)

2. If you already know, how many chapters will there be for this fic? I planned 25 chapter outlines originally but ch3 ended up being longer than I thought once I had written it. I had to snip it off part way through. This might happen again so let's guess somewhere between 26 and 30 chapters in total.

3. Will they kiss? & more importantly will they fuck? /jk Honestly, I haven't included anything more than pining and eye fucking in my ch outlines! To give the story an authentic feel, I'm going to feel my way through their relationship as it grows. If the moment seems right, I'll take things to the next level ;)

4. What other SNK characters will appear throughout the fic? Apart from OG Levi Squad, Moblit, Nifa and Nile... you can expect to see Miche, Marlo and Floch very shortly. In future chapters we will also be joined by Hitch, Reiner, Erwin, Zeke, and Kenny.

5. May I ask for a sneak peek? (because there was no "WIP it Wednesday" post yesterday 😢) I have skimped out on the WIP It Wednesdays, huh? Fair's fair. Let's have a sneak peek then:

From ch4: I'll Not Speak A Word Despite a lingering chill and the last vestiges of afternoon light, the folk of Shiganshina were still leisurely browsing the marketplace. At the centre of the military village, where the earth roads converged, stood three avenues of unembellished stalls, each exhibiting their wares. 

Levi walked amongst civilians, hesitating as he drew level with a metal rack of women’s clothing. Inconspicuously, he cast his eyes around, before approaching. 

Thick woollen cardigans hung amongst long floral-patterned skirts. Levi peeled back a knitted sleeve. Then, with growing impatience, he swept past one garment after another.

“Hello? Are you looking for anything in particular?” asked the proprietor, a woman with dark hair pulled back into a low ponytail. At her intrusion, Levi quickly withdrew his hand.

With a final sweep of the area around them, Levi inclined his head as though he were about to mutter his response. He opened his mouth. He closed it again.

“This is part of our Fall Range…” The woman lifted a yellow button-down shirt, smoothing the material. “You know this is what they’re all wearing on the continent.”

She crooked a finger, beckoning him closer. With an expression of resignation, Levi obliged her.

“...I saw pictures in a Marleyan magazine once,” the proprietor boasted. 

Levi nodded, uncomprehending, as the woman seized a peasant skirt to tempt him with next. The pocket of his khaki military coat vibrated. Thankful for the interruption, Levi removed his cell phone. 

“I’ll take them all,” Levi indicated the entire rack with his hand. Flipping his phone open, he held the device up to his ear. 

“What size is she, sir?”

Levi hesitated again, his palm covering the mouthpiece.

“She’s… tall.” Turning away he answered in a low voice. “Miche?”

Delighted, the woman began bagging the clothes up.

“Levi,” came the Section Commander’s voice on the line, “I still haven’t been able to reach Erwin.”

“Sir, will you be needing underwear?”

The woman slowly pulled back the navy blue cloth which covered the stall, unveiling a low shelf of bras in different colours. Some were frilled and elaborate, others dark and lacy. Some contained padding, wired supports and front clasps. Others were elastic, unfilled or entirely strapless it seemed. 

Levi made a small noise in the back of his throat.

“Levi?” came Miche’s voice.

Covering his cell phone once more, Levi glanced at the proprietor.

“I’ll… take all of those too.”

 On the other end of the line, Miche gave an impatient sniff.

“Look, whether Erwin’s off having breakfast or the world’s longest shit, this can’t wait,” Levi hissed, “the MPs seized a vehicle of defectors right outside our base. How can he have nothing to say about that?”

“Which size is she, sir?” The woman held up a large, padded bra helpfully.

Levi stared determinedly past her, over to where smoke rose from red brick chimneys.

“...any,” he replied faintly, lips barely moving. He blinked. Cleared his throat. 

“You didn’t hear about the traffic incident?” Miche continued, “happened last night on the central road to Mitras.” 

“The one where the pedestrian was killed?” Levi turned away from the proprietor who was now tucking numerous bras into another bag. “They found a woman’s body according to a member of my squad.”

“Worse,” Miche countered, “the vehicle that struck her was being driven by two MPs. Skidded right off the road. I’m sorry, Levi. Every one of those defectors was killed.”

(Thanks again for your questions, Val!)

[akehoshimystar]

Ai SSR

FAVOR

Part 1

After my shift at the cafe, I dropped by the office.

Ai: Would you be willing to lend us your assistance?

Kou & Yuzuru: …….

There, Kosaka-san was talking to someone on the phone while Kise-san and Kou-san watched the situation. As I quieted my breath so as not to disturb him, I heard a cheerful voice coming from his phone.

Man: "You don't have to sound so distant, Kosaka-san. Please just leave it to me!"

Ai: I'm grateful to hear that.

Man: "I'm glad to finally be able to return the favor. I'll try contacting them right away.''

Hearing his eager acceptance, a feeling of relief washed over Kise-san’s and Kou-san’s faces.  Shortly after, Kosaka-san answered a few questions before ending the call.

Yuzuru: Good work, Yashiro-san.

As you may have heard, there has been some progress on the matter of the strawberry daifuku.

Ito: Really?

It all started with a request for Yuragi-kun, asking him to “celebrate client’s mother’s 70th birthday with her favorite strawberry daifuku.”

Ito: (Yuragi-kun also seemed to be looking forward to it, since she’s asked him to act as her grandchild several times...)

The Japanese sweets shop that had the best daifuku, according to her, had went out of business last month.

Ito: By progress, do you mean… Have we found its new location?

Kou: It’s a bit unfortunate. But apparently, one of the apprentices has opened a new store. Ai-san used his connections to mark its whereabouts.

But Ai-san didn’t brag about it at all, so I ended up sounding like I was gloating about it, even though all I did was submit a report.

Ai: It's the superior's job to take over the work of his subordinates. You and I both did our tasks to the fullest, that's all there is to it.

….….Hmm, he works as fast as ever.

Kou: There’s been an update already?

Ai: Yeah. He already booked the reservation over the phone.

Kou: Really? Ai-san, your connections are really something else. How did you even establish a network with the Japanese sweets buyer at the department store anyway?

Moreover, he seems very fond of you. Like a vassal supporting their emperor?

Yuzuru: No good deed goes unrewarded, you see.

Ai: It’s no big deal. 

He just chose to go with the plan I had prepared and climbed his way up, that’s all.

He wasn't arrogant, but he wasn't too humble either. From the way Kosaka-san spoke, it was clear that this all came naturally to him.

Ito: (.....So people like this do exist.)

A few days later, I witnessed Kosaka-san's dignified disposition once again. This time, an unexpected event had struck the case I was in charge of. 

Part 2

Ito: (I have checked the other company’s documents, but they were still a lot cheaper than the market price. ..... I don't think this is a simple mistake...)

???: -san, Yashiro-san.

Ito: !

I suddenly turned around and saw Kise-san looking at me worriedly.

Yuzuru: Are you all right? There aren't many customers around this time, so feel free to finish your shift early.

You have a meeting with the potential business partner tomorrow, right? Were the documents left as they were...?

Ito: I received the revision yesterday, but...

Yuzuru: If you have any concerns, please come in today. Ai-san should be in the office right now.

Ito: !

Yuzuru: Fufu, it's okay. He is more open-minded than you think.

I’m not saying it’s not a burden to be relied on, but if you hold back and don’t ask for help, your efficiency will suffer. 

As such, Yashiro-san, please don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Sorry if I came off as overbearing.

Ito: ...No. I'm grateful, actually.

(I've been wondering whether it was worth discussing….. But I should tell Kosaka-san after all.)

The biggest selling point of this wholesaler was the wide selection of alcohol they managed. Mika-san and the other staff were also very impressed, and we were looking forward to the deal. However….

Ai: That's certainly strange. There’s too much of a benefit for us. 

As he looked over the latest version of the documents, Kosaka-san’s eyebrows began to frown.

Ito: The price was much lower than the market price to begin with, however, the prices of new featured goods have also been lowered. 

Ai: Offering it at almost a cost price, huh…

Who’s the person in charge? Is he new?

Ito: Here’s their business card.

Ai: ……..

Haaa...... What a pain. It’s the same name and last name………. Too many conditions are met.

Ai: Yashiro.

Ito: Y-Yes.

Ai: I'll attend the meeting tomorrow.

Ito: ! Thank you very much.

Part 3

The next day. The eyes of the man in charge lit up right after he saw Kosaka-san. He bowed vigorously and said, "It's been a while!"

Person in charge: You may not remember, but I was indebted to you in the past! So I have always wanted to repay you someday.

Ito: (I see how it is. This person also wants to be what Kou-san called a “vassal supporting the emperor''...)

Ai: Thank you. Can we get down to business now?

Person in charge: Of course!

The man nodded energetically and started his presentation regarding the matter of the prices being "too" beneficial for us.

Person in charge: ……So what do you think? I think I've learned quite a bit about pricing.

Ai: Yashiro. Any thoughts?

On the inside, I was surprised by him calling on me. However, I opened my mouth, praying to sound as neutral as possible.

Ito: I think it's a very attractive proposal. But, I believe the burden on your company may be excessive. Would you mind clarifying a bit more?

Person in charge: Ah... No, it’s okay. You guys don’t have to worry about anything! As long as we make a profit overall…..

Ai: So you’re saying that this price can be passed onto other stores as well?

Person in charge: Um, well...

Ai: Forgive my manners, but has this document been approved by the company?

Person in charge: !

In contrast to the man, whose shoulders were trembling immensely, Kosaka-san continued with his usual calm demeanor.

Ai: If a problem occurs, depending on the scale and details, it may not just end with the person in charge being fired...

Now, let me ask again. Have you spoken to your superior about this?

Person in charge: ………….

...Did I…. disappoint you, Kosaka-san?

Ai: The end does not justify the means.

I appreciate your kindness and generosity, but I cannot accept this unless it is legitimate.

Kosaka-san words were the decisive blow that led the man to withdraw the documents.

Kou: Hmm? So he’ll come back later with his boss and a new proposal?

Yuzuru: I'm glad nothing serious happened. Good job, Yashiro-san.

Ito: I didn't do anything.....

Ai: Yashiro. You didn't overlook the mistake and reported it to me.

Just accept the fair evaluation.

Ito: (Ah….)

Ai: Well done.

Ito: ...Thank you very much.

(It somehow slightly crossed my mind..... but I feel like I tend to get overly happy when Kosaka-san praises me.)

(Maybe this is why people called him "His Majesty")

Yuzuru: By the way, Kou-kun, what's with that paper bag?

Kou: Oh, this? A gift from the Japanese sweets buyer addressed to His Majesty.

Daifuku made with fruit pickled in sake. It’s still under development in collaboration with an artisan.

Ai: I'll have some.

Favors come in many forms, and sometimes they can turn into blind faith, dragging those around you into a recklessness. 

Ito: (But Kosaka-san is the type of person who can "properly" take a favor and turn it into strength...)

Aporia is truly a place where charming and eccentric people gather. Here, I felt like I was able to get a glimpse of the popular Kosaka Ai, our Majesty.

[ihavedonenothingright]

heyo! curious, what’re you most excited about in your newest WIP? or in any of them lol? what’s the hardest parts? the funnest parts?

I hope you know you've given me an open license to ramble.

In terms of things I'm most excited for, I am currently getting back into one of my original WIPs I started a few years ago, and I can't wait to write the dynamic between the two main characters. Neither of them possess a sense of self preservation, and they're reliant on each other for two (equally unhealthy) reasons: one just needs any source of support because they're embarking on a self-assigned death mission out of a somewhat selfish desire to flee some stuff going on at home, and one just needs to be needed by anyone at all, and doesn't care if they're being used. They're my toxic QPR and I love them <3

For hardest... definitely my Shink WIP "Untethered." That one's just giving me a lot of trouble right now. Mainly because I'm writing a confrontation scene and it's emotionally tense, but I made some progress today! So now I should be able to get back to the stuff I'm good at relatively shortly. I am super excited to write an upcoming scene between The Boys which I've been referring to as "the reunion." The way I'm describing this might lead certain people to think I have way more of this WIP done than I do, but nope! Chapter 3/uhhhhhhh babeyyy. Though hopefully I'll be able to start posting it in July.

And for funniest... I'm currently working on another original WIP of mine that's actually vaguely LOZ adjacent—in that it's inspired by LOZ fandom. I wrote a short story a few months ago based on late 2000s- early 2010s FF.net culture, and that has become a fully fledged novel about the biggest fan of an abandoned fic and the fic's author getting yeeted by *checks notes* Arbiters United (I'm really subtle) into the fic itself to fix it to their standards from the inside out. Said author is none too happy considering they wrote the damn thing when they were like sixteen, and it's been fifteen whole years while the reader is even less enthused to be surviving the angst-laden plot of a fic from 2007. They're very pissy at each other. It's fun.

I hope that answered your question!

[starfall-reef-syscourse]

i sent that ask about you being syscourse neutral and i first want to say, thanks for being Normal and like. civil about it lol

but secondly,

i think there should be a distinction between being anti-endo and endo-safe. i would consider myself to be anti-endo- not because i think they're full of shit, (i'm sure the majority of them experience all of those things they say they do. it's not my place to say they don't), but rather that they have very little in common with people with CDDs and i wish the two communities weren't connected at all, especially when information about *non-disordered* plurality is conflated with information about a very serious *disorder,* yknow what i mean? that's why i'm anti-endo.

that said, i'm not gonna be an asshole about it. most of the time i block people, even if they're totally harmless and not bothering anyone. (and honestly i wish people would do that instead of whatever the fuck is happening instead.) so like. i'm endo-safe. they can wander onto my blog, check it out. i'm not gonna keep them from like. enjoying their Phone Time or whatever. i start to get itchy when they leave notes passive-aggressively correcting my syscourse-adjacent posts.

anyway. sorry for expositing my syscourse stance into your inbox. TLDR thanks for responding nicely, i get where you're coming from, etcetc.

firstly, i promise that as long as a question or ask in general is phrased nicely enough (like don't call me names or be super passive aggressive yk) i'll answer it with sincerity. i was actually very excited to see that my first ask wasn't hate but rather an actual question, so thank you for that. it made me happy honestly.

i don't disagree with you here much really! a lot of your thoughts and opinions are ones i share. it bothers me too, how much our disorder and their experience get conflated. i feel that our life is very different from the life of an endogenic system through the lense of our multiplicity, and while that doesn't necessarily bother me, there was definitely a time not long ago at all where i wanted nothing to do with it. endo-safe and anti-endo sound like mutually exclusive ideas to most because anti-endo implies "i don't believe endogenics exist, and i don't think they should- i am against them" and endo-safe implies the opposite, but i shared almost your exact perspective and considered myself endo-safe just months ago. i think there's much more nuance to be had there.

for me, i was anti-endo less than a year ago. when i shifted to a perspective almost exactly like yours shortly after dropping anti-endo as a label, i said i was endo-apathetic, but i considered myself to be endo-safe too, because i no longer had any desire to fight with them or drive them away either. now i consider myself to be endo-supportive but still syscourse unaligned, it just feels more right to me. i mean, if i can almost entirely agree with the reasons why you consider yourself anti-endo, that automatically means i don't fit too cleanly into the pro-endo box either.

that said, the only part i personally disagree with is that our communities should be completely separate - i'm in mixed spaces for the first time in years, and it's been really interesting to learn about non-disordered plurality. i even know a cdd system who uses willomancy to help their system function. theyve taught me how they help their fragments through the splitting process using willomancy, something i was interested in as another cdd system with many fragments who never really... tries to help (it's just never crossed my mind), and while i haven't tried it yet and there's no guarantee it'll work, isn't that wonderful for them? and i never would have known had i not been curious enough to ask. it can really help some cdd systems to be more involved with non-disordered plurality spaces i think. so, kindly, i disagree with that part.

i'm proud of you for choosing not to be unkind in a situation where many would be. syscourse can be such a hurtful and angry community, i'm no exception really, but i'm trying to be. also, you have nothing to apologize for, it's completely okay; thank you for the ask and i hope you're having a great day. 🩷

[sendpseuds]

✨✨✨✨🫱Care to share🫲✨✨✨✨

The message was sent to you because someone loved your writing and stories. ❤️

▪️What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

▪️How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

▪️What do you do when you have writer's block?

▪️How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

▪️Any messages for your readers or fellow writers?

You are welcome to answer if you have the time and desire, or you can simply respond to the questions that come to mind.

💐Thank you for your work as a writer and as a member of this fandom!💐

Hello and thank you for thinking of me 🖤

I’m trying very hard not to be as shy about these things so let’s see what we can come up with!

just do it. Just write the thing. You can’t find your voice if you don’t start. Know that you will change with time, and that it’s best to become yourself, rather than comparing your work to someone else.

this question sent me down a rabbit hole, so I'm actually going to answer it in a separate post.

unfortunately, I do not have a magical cure for writer's block. A change of location can help, sometimes I'll draw for a day or two. I've tried changing fonts, starting new works, silly internet rituals... there is definitely not one thing that always works.

new ideas come from everywhere. Leather Duchess was a band poster in a Maryland bar. Go Fuck Yourself Obi-Wan was a tumblr post from @tideswept that I saw at 3am. Display Intelligent Behavior was literally just me ranting about AI and putting the words in Obi-Wan's mouth... there are stories everywhere. As for developing the ideas? I have a few wonderful friends who let me shout ideas at them a lot 🖤

messages? I guess, thank you so much for continuing to encourage and inspire me. I adore being a part of this community, even though I know I'm not the best at interacting [the sun is coming out more so I'm hoping that might get better]. I am so humbled.

Thank you again for the ask! I'll be posting the personalities and perspectives answer shortly [got real carried away]

[woogly-boogly]

1, 4 + 5 boooooook

1: What's something you read recently and enjoyed?

The Langoliers by Stephen King! it's about a group of passengers who wake up mid-flight to discover the rest of the passengers and crew have completely vanished, and upon landing at an airport they discover it wasn't just the plane - there's no one on the ground either. something has gone very wrong with the world around them... and there's a worrying rumbling noise coming from the east, and it sounds like it's getting closer.

it's not his most popular book, probably partly due to the fucking garbage tv mini-series that was made shortly after it published, but this book was excellent! it filled me with dread from start to finish, and i actually felt like i had to read it faster so that the characters wouldn't run out of time haha.

absolutely loved it, strongly recommend!

4: What are your top 3 comfort reads?

you probably could have guessed this but the Skulduggery Pleasant books, specifically 4 and 5 in conjunction. they really do transition 4 to 5 so seamlessly man, it's a perfect pairing and i fucking LOVE the plot of 5.

i think Catch-22 deserves a spot because it was a big part of my reading during Covid 2020. it took a long time for me to *get* it, but when the penny finally dropped and i understood it, i suddenly understood this was a new favourite for me and devoured the rest in record time. man, i really wanna read it again, i'll do that after i move lol

also Enid Blyton's Faraway Tree books, they were really comforting when as an early teenager i was at a friend's place and he showed me 1000 Ways to Die and a few Final Destination scenes on YouTube. i know it's not much (especially because i'm a big fan of violence in media now) but at the time it was really confronting because i hadn't seen anything like it and it made me realise how fragile life can be. laugh at me all you want for being disturbed by that at 14 but i knew they'd help because i remembered they were the least violent books i'd ever read. and it worked, they kept my mind off it and i came out feeling a lot better.

so i guess the top 3 list is:

• Skulduggery Pleasant: Dark Days & Mortal Coil

• Catch-22

• The Faraway Tree books

5: What is your favourite non-fiction book?

man i don't even remember the last non-fiction book i read... if essay books count as non-fiction then the last one i read was The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck in 2016 or 17, and it was just ok. i think trying to read the sequel, Everything is Fucked, taught me that i don't give a shit about books of essays.

other than that i remember one of my favourite books as a kid was Why? Why? Why? which was a book full of fun facts about various topics from history to science and other stuff like that. it had heaps of illustrations and on one of the pages was a step-by-step graphic on how stars die, and when i was like 9 i swapped stages 3 and 4 with a pen because i liked the way 3 looked better and wanted that to be how it ended haha.

idk i don't really read non-fiction, it's never really appealed to me. i think those shitty textbooks we had in high school kinda soured me on it... but i know it'll be important to read nf to be a better writer so i'll get to it eventually lol

anyway them's the answers, here's the questions!

[suusoh]

quick check in for our dear author susu!😁 you may or may not answer this ask, im just curious ab sth after i saw your vents. i hope reflecting on these questions can make you feel better though!😃

are you, by any chance, pressured by the attention your works are having? did you not expect that a lot of people will like your craft? do you actually prefer having fewer audiences? i feel quite sad that this toxic world of internet where audiences just look at creators as machines to produce and produce has seemingly taking a toll at you and i sincerely hope you feel better ab it soon and eventually rekindle your love for writing.

love,

your reader

you're very kind anon :-)) thank you for sending me an ask. I hope you're doing good as well?

I've think I've explained things better on my other blog but I'll try my best to answer your questions here as well <3.

(any bitterness or snippiness picked up in this answer is not aimed at you anon!!! you are very very precious and kind. susu is just talking out of frustration.)

Not pressured, maybe overwhelmed and shy at times, but not pressured, no. If i don't like a request I literally don't entertain it at all and will just answer it shortly. If i don't feel it then i just don't.

to be fair I didn't even expect an audience in the first place. I was literally jsut writing because I felt like i was going to explode (or implode?) if i don't get my ideas outside of me. It felt like i ended up just talking to myself with fic dialogue, or staring mindlessly in my room while i just watch scenarios in my head. So i thought, heh, why not make it into a fic. no harm done.

If anything anon, I was quite expecting for myself to be.. uh... niche? I guess my expectations started out wonky because prior to monster, I came from very large fandoms. So as an x reader, as a yandere x reader, and as a yandere x reader who warped johan into her own personal characterization with near zero-canon basis at all just to get her rocks off at that too, I figured I'd just be writing for only a certain amount of people who choose to seek me out.

not sure about the fewer audiences thing, I don't quite care for numbers. But i guess what I preferred isn't "less followers" per se, but I think i would've preferred the energy and the synergy of interactions back then when it was only quite a good number of people. felt intimate. Like can you believe I got more comments when there were less people on here, compared to with more people on here... people are more quiet now?

quiet- in the sense of showing appreciation and enjoyment of the writing of course. the amount of people in the ask box..... is another different thing. my ask box is definitely not quiet.

to be fair anon, I don't think they're doing it intentionally. I guess with how niche monster is and how there were only so few of us here writing johan x reader content, people of course asked for more.

but now i guess i do feel a bit... tired and listless now. Because it felt like i've already achieved my goal of seeing what I want to read. If anything, i think i've written so much content of what i want to see that I've even made myself sick lol.

so now it feels like im at the point where i don't have the same drive as I used to before. there's no personal goal keeping me going, and the people who inspire me to keep on writing are very few and far between (aside from friends of course), compared to those who just wish i'd keep writing so they'd get their daily dose of johan copping a feel up or something. idk.

truth be told. what makes me feel tired is that not only did i grow to loathe my old johan writing and concepts, but it's exactly those concepts that people are drawn to, and keep asking for everyday. which makes me somehow loathe what i've written even more.

And honestly, look i can't blame them. When I wrote those, i was vibrating and i wrote it with so much love and energy at the time, and i'm sure the vibes they still translate into those posts.

but it just feels so so so confusing and honestly... emptying to me that that's all people who come here care about, that's all they ever ask for, and in some weird ironic laughable twist, they don't even show any appreciation for it.

and like shit, im not even sure if appreciation is the right word to use. I'm not asking for praise or anything. but literally just... talk? talk to me? talk about your thoughts on it?

and NO. talking about your thoughts on it is different from downright just sending in something with no explaination. just some blank prompt that you think I'll pick up, go insane over, gush over, and spit out 4 paragraphs worth of whatever you sent in.

and again yes, the glaring answer is "just ignore those asks then lol. pay attention to nice asks instead.

but then again, it's just tiring that the only story comments i ever seem to get nowadays are just those asks. i'm talking about the majority.

and before anyone says i'm too negative or too sensitive for focusing on the bad instead of the good: I do pay attention to nice comments, i hold them close and dear to my heart. made a whole freaking tag and folder just for it.

but it's just that they're so rare and few and far between compared to how much people have the time to type in another request, but can't seem to type in at least one... thank you. or... say that that what i did was... really nice.

and it i feel so confused again because people assure me over and over again that they like my writing, that lots of people like my johan writing.

but with the way i'm treated and interacted with here.... i'm starting to think that sure, maybe people do like my writing: but it only because it gives them their fill.

so whenever i go on a break or when i go post something to express my worries with my blog and i get asks or comments. i just... I have to laugh a bit at just how much of those asks feel like they're saying the same thing:

It's less of "oh no! susu is going away and needs a break." and more like "oh no! now we won't get any more johan."