#i'll most likely be awake for 20 hours today

[silentgravesdontexist]

Oh, just me, my brain fog, and this damned ad layout I've been having an intense staredown with. Nothing much.

[wosoluver]

Four times she didn't notice and the one time she did.

Andrea Medina x reader

tw: none

Andrea Medina Masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Hey are you coming to the game today?" she had called you up in the morning, excited as she always was on gamedays.

"Yes. Is that why you woke me up? You know I always come to home games."

"Yeah, but I just wanted to make sure. Good morning! See you later!"

"Good mornin..." - You barely had time to finish the sentence before she hung up.

Maybe others would find this rude. But you didn't mind at all. You knew she was just hyper, but most of all you knew she was anxious, and that she had called to ease up her anxiety before she needed to get ready for the day ahead, and hung up just as quick because she knew you loved sleeping in whenever you could.

And that's exactly what you did, not even a minute later you were sound asleep once again.

You took a ride with Cris to the game. You always stayed on the seats reserved for family and friends, so they knew where to look for you guys.

The game had taken a turn and was more competitive than they had expected. They had to fight hard 'til the end.

But she had to admit, seeing you on the stands wearing her jersey, cheering on definitely helped her stay greedy until the last minute.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Andrea?" you knocking on the bathroom door. You had taken her home after a tough game, that she had gotten injured. Unfortunately Wifi wasn't home. So you would have to sort this one out by yourself. Although you never considered yourself good at giving others support.

"Andrea! I can hear you crying, you've been in there for too long. Let me in, please." with every word you said, your voice became softer.

She only unlocked the door and went back in the shower. You opened the door as soon as you heard the lock turn.

"Hey," you sat next to her, but outside the shower. "I don't really know what to say or do, but I'll stay here until you tell me to leave."

And you two stayed there for another 20 minutes, before she got up to turn the shower off. And when she turned to get out, you held her towel ready.

"Thank you." - Thats the only thing she said for the next hour or so. But that was enough for you. You knew your friend and you knew how hard it was for her to accept being vulnerable.

Sitting on the couch, you were soothing her, rubbing her back as she calmed down.

"You'll be back before you know it. I promise."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

You had gotten home from a celebration and it was almost four in the morning. You were fighting to stay awake, opposite to her of course.

You had made her carry you to bed, you were hugged on her like a bear. She had slowly put you down. And she could tell you were not going anywhere else. So like you had done many times for her, she helped you.

She started by putting you in a comfortable T-shirt you could sleep in. Next she walked into your bathroom to get your make up remover. And she gently patted the cotton pads all over your face, making sure nothing stayed behind. That had taken her sometime, especially as she took her time to take in your facial features. The freckles on your cheeks, the beauty mark on your temple, your rosy lips and tinted skin from the alcohol you had consumed.

Then she tried her best to put your hair up and out off your face. And before getting herself ready to sleep, she went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and some pain killers, placing on your bedside table, making sure to get you covered for the hungover in the morning.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

When you were all back at Lola and Cris' apartment watching the Spanish national team, and she couldn't take her eyes off of you.

It started out as a classic game watching afternoon. You had ordered lunch, and then prepared the snacks you had stopped to get before driving there.

Everyone wearing their respective jerseys. And by that it meant, Cris was wearing one of Lola's old national team kit.

Lola was wearing a Putellas' number 11.

Wifi wore her own national kit, Marta was wearing a Misa jersey to no one's surprise. Andrea was wearing Ornella's number 7 she had wore on the final game of the U20 world cup they had won together.

And you were wearing her blue away kit. One of many she had in her closet, and one of many you had stolen. You thought you were being sly, but in truth she only pretended not to notice.

They would always look better on you anyway.

She'd observe you closely but it was once the game started she had completely taken a front seat to watch your reactions.

"Hijo de la puta madre! That's for a yellow card, she can't go at her like that!"

It was funny because they clearly knew the rules and they protested just like you, but the way you passionately argued with the TV screen, always made everything 10x better.

"Thats a penalty no?" waiting for the referee's decision. "YES, YES, YES." you said jumping up.

And as Mario scored you screamed in celebration with the girls. "VAMOOOS!"

On the last ball before the end of the game Alexia managed to score with a assist by Patri. "LA REINA, BABY" you yelled as you all cheered their win.

She could watch you watching a game, forever.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

When you went on a date with a girl you really liked, and couldn't shut up about it for the rest of the day.

"She's just so interesting, also she plays for the Uni's volleyball team." Your were telling Lola as she was driving. You in the backseat and Andrea in the passenger."

"Does she study physio too?" She said, interested in your sudden crush. She had known you for a while and she had never heard you talk about someone like that.

"Yep, although she's graduating this year. She's a rojiblanca by the way."

"Don't you have anything else to talk about?" - Andrea questioned rudely but you decided to take it in a light note.

"Seems like someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed." - giving it a light laugh at the end.

"No seriously, have you wondered that maybe she's just trying to get free tickets?" - But that one hurt. And you just stayed quiet.

Lola had just pulled up to your apartment complex too, so you just decided to walk away, clearly upset.

"Thanks Lo, talk to you later." and they watched as you walked in.

"Andrea!"

"What?"

"Don't treat her like that! She's one of your best friends! That was so uncalled for!"

Lola knew and so did she. As a matter of fact, everyone close to you two knew. It was obvious. But it seemed like Andrea had just realized, in the worst way possible.

She felt so stupid, it took her an argument over her jealousy, to realize what she had been feeling for some time.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

If you have any requests for her, please send them in! 🙏🩷

[skinnywalker]

Professional protector (Aaron Hotchner x nanny! male reader)

It's become a slight problem. Most nights it Hotch was late. Some he wasn't home at all and babysitters were only so reliable.

"You're really using Garica to get a other new babysitter?"

"I'm not trust random teens with my boy."

Emily rolls her eyes and pulls away the file of potential names.

"Can't you just hire a full time?"

Hotch groans.

"Same problem."

"Well it's either a once time issue or a till-jack-is-grown issue so make up you mind."

She's right of course, he needs to just bite the bullet.

After nearly an hour of barely scrapable options Hotch's attention was caught by a face.

Young, clean cut, handsome and with a bakround in child care. He gives Hocth a strange stomach twist, the kind he felt in high-school when he meet Harley. That same at once connection.

"Is he free?"

"Looks like it. Says on his employee web page he is open for full weekdays."

"Send that to me would you?"

Garcia can't help the small grin that crosses her lips.

"At once my lord."

From his nightstand the buzz of that familiar notification sounds him awake.

Clients.

He checks the profile his boss Diane always sends but this one is different than normal. He is used to business men who don't have time for their children but the man is an FBI agent and high in ranks too.

Doesn't look half bad either.

"How much is the pay?

"60 an hour."

He stops dead in his track.

"60? For one child and house sitting?"

"Ahuh. He asked me if that was too low."

"Too low?!"

She smiled at him with a gleam I her eyes.

"He really wanted you specifically."

Hotch keep glancing at his watch. He wasn't late but Hotch was nervous he might be.

"Excuse are you Mr. Hotchner?"

He's pretty in person Hotch thinks. More real. More warm. He's bright-looking but not cocky. Fair featured but no vain. He could reach out his hand and Hotch would near before him to kiss it without even thinking.

"Yes, you must be the nanny."

"Ahuh. Would you like to go over the details of what you need me to do while your away?"

Hotch smiles. He has no clue why but it feels natural.

"Of course."

Hotch leads him through the house explain everything he needs from the house care side of things.

"-and if you can't try to fold the blankets to fit in properly I'd be really thankful."

"Of course. What about your son?"

"Jack spends most of the day at school. He still in k-8 and does sometimes need homework help. He can make his own food but often prefers it made. He has 2-3 hours of screen time weekdays and 4 on weekends. He'll want to call me when I'm out of town which you can also do if you need anything."

He nods. Simple kid.

"He always wants to come along on grocery trips and basically anytime you leave the house."

Hotch hands him the house keys.

"And most importantly he'll ask for want he wants and his bedtime is 8:30."

"Got it. I call you at night if I have questions."

"Daddy?"

The two turn to see a sleepy toddler standing in door way. His spider-man pj's frumbled from napping.

"Hey Jack buddy, this is your new babysitter. He'll be here all day till I come back in the evenings so you don't have to be alone at home."

Jack looks up. Hotch feels the two smiling at eachother. His heart is aching know Jack is already bonding with the nanny. This have been a good idea.

"I have to go home today Jack but I'll see you again tomorrow ok?"

"Ok! Can we play with my Lego pirates."

"We can play whatever you want to Jack."

Hotch loves that smile on Jack. The innocent love. His boy is safe.

"Hotch? We have an emergency."

"What is it J.J.?"

"Ten victims all male in their 20s and the unsub is moving."

"I'll be there in ten mintues."

Hotch's body knows the routine of his morning work runs so well it work on autopilot.

Lastly he kisses Jack's sleeping head and text his new nanny 8 words.

"Flying for work for at least a week."

He'll get what I mean Hotch thinks before he stops himself. Why is he so sure? He doesn't even know the guy and he is trusting him like an old friend already. That's not good but Hotch can't seem to stop himself. He doesn't trust easily but something about him is so safe. So at home at ease. Hotch hates how his walls are just gone the moment he met a pretty man who takes care of his son. Hotch hopes he'll stay.

"He's targeting men who seem successful in love. Men with kids and partners and well paying jobs. Young man living how he wants to live. And he does it through robbery and hold ups. He is choosing targets on the fly."

"Where do we thinking he is making his way to?"

"Maybe his home or his get away car. I don't think he can keep this up for too long and I know he thinks that too."

At the hotel Hotch picks up his nightly call.

"How's your nanny been buddy?"

"I love daddy! He is super smart and he knew all about the history for my test on Tuesday and he makes such good pasta and he read me all the books I have trouble with!"

Hotch feel his stomach twist again. Just like a dad.

"That's great buddy. I'm glad you like him so much."

"He is gonna be my new best friend."

"I'm sure he will sweets now you need to good to bed."

"Ok, Goodnight daddy."

"Sleepwell Buddy. I love you."

"Love you too!"

He's safe. He's for the first time Hotch feels confident in thinking that Jack is really safe and happy. He sleeps better that night then he has in a while.

"Unsub is now in Virginia and he's getting risky. Going straight for our home now. He might even be there at this moment."

"So we came out here just to go home?"

"No, we came out here to know for certain he is home. Let's go."

Jack had asked to come along to the Cafe. He had followed his nanny to the counter and was rewarded with a small pink lemonade.

"Have you ever tried limeade or just lemon?"

He shakes his head no.

"Never liked lime. Too sour."

He chuckles.

"I like a lot of sour things especially ones that have some sweet in them."

"Everyone get on the floor! This is a hold up and if everyone behaves no one will get hurt."

Jack looks up confused and then frighten.

"Nanny?"

"Comere Jack. Everything will be alright."

"We've tracked him to a Cafe he's holding up. Swat is on their way but we don't time on our side."

"How fast can we get there?"

"20."

"20 is not fast enough."

"You, with the blonde kid. Move up here."

His arms wrap around Jack and gently lead them both to the front.

"Give him to me."

"No."

His breathing hitches.

"I'm not letting you near him. You'll have to take me first."

The click of the handriffle echoed in his ears before he felt the the world go black.

When the room came back into focus he realized he was in the ER. His chest was burning. He could feel the dizziness bringing him in and out of blurry awareness.

"Hey, just rest, you're really injured."

"Jack.. what about Jack?"

"He's safe with his father."

A knock at the door interrupts them.

"Hello Doctor is it OK for me to see him?"

"Mr. Hotch? Is that you?"

Hotch leans over the hospital bed brush some hair.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been worse."

"Worse than shot?"

He giggled even though it hurt.

"Yeah. I'm better knowing Jack is safe."

"He was really scared for you, so was I. You don't know how much it means to me that you put yourself in such danger for my boy."

"I'd do it again."

Hotch felt strange. On one hand he was deeply relieved that he was safe but such a close call had his nerves in a twist. It was like a weight had been added to his psyche. Hotch couldn't let anything happen to him. He felt protective.

"How is he?"

"Exhausted but ok."

"Hotch I know he is just your nanny but you seem pretty worried."

"I can't help but be. He nearly died keeping Jack safe. I don't know what could've happened if I hired someone less bare. This whole time I've felt so.... connected with him. Like he is someone who I can trust."

"Does Agent Aaron Hotchner have a slight crush."

Oh no.

[mortzm]

Ok y'all are crazy 60 NOTES ON MY FIRST ONE SHOT?!

Gave you some Sanji ,today I have a little idea with BUGGY because I'm a clown

Buggy loved to be an entertainer ,I mean he was a clown,it was his destiny to perform and make people laugh .

But his favorite person to see laugh is you,his favorite person on his crew. Yeah you were just a chore person but without you ,the ship would be a mess.

After a long day of washing the ship and doing the dishes of those party people,you start walking to your shared cabin with other crew members ,passing by a few members laughing and probably too drunk.

You then saw a decapitated head thrown your way.You do your best to catch it,unstable as the waves hits the ship.

"What'ya doing (y/n) ,not wanting to laugh a little tonight?"

You looked at the head,a (huge) red nose in the middle of the face ,you recognized the head of your captain.You shook your head,making up an excuse to go in your cabin and go sleep early tonight,not wanting to wobble ,on a moving ship.

"Come on you can relax a bit , chores can wait later!"

You sigh as your Captain's head escape from your hands to get glued back on his body,soon a hand get in yours to force you to join the drunk pirates.Joining the circle around your ALSO drunk captain who goes back to telling jokes.

You have a good laugh ,drinking and watching your crew too.At the dawn of the day ,you watch the sun rise, enjoying the warmth getting on your face.You also realize that you haven't slept and your day is about to start by doing the dishes of the cooks doing breakfast.

In awe with the sunrise, you get out of your transe when the blue haired captain put his arm around your shoulders.No words, watching the sky getting orange and red.

"Why don't you come with us more often?You know you're always welcomed?

-Hm yeah,I like my job but I just don't like to be around people too much,the people in the kitchen are already too much for me , you giggle

-Ok but if you felt uncomfortable,tell me ok?I'll throw them overboard "

You laugh,covering your mouth with your hands and Buggy is clearly staring ,trying to engrave the memory in his brain.Your laugh was the most beautiful sound he ever heard ,your eyes shining with the first sun rays.

Days after days ,you started to notice your comfort rise and rise,first you had your own cabin now,the kitchen staff got reduced and the crew started to invite you to their late parties after shows... And now you're drinking your glass,laughing at the crew's jokes.Soon music started and your tipsy form started to dance in the middle of the crew.

Buggy was just staring at you on his throne,lazily half laying on it,leaning on the arm rests.Your body just moving along his crew,he enjoyed throwing parties just to watch you drink and smile , enjoying yourself and laughing.

Buggy made his way in the crowd,at least his hands did ,just to rest on your hips,sliding his fingers under your shirt as you shivered, recognizing those gloves you were washing every few months .

After a few hours of partying,drinking and dancing you went outside,letting the fresh air of the night hit you in the face.The owner of the hands on your hips following you.

"If you keep undressing me with your eyes ,I might catch a cold"

You never knew you had a flirty side but the alcohol running in your blood awakes it.

"You know I wouldn't let a crew member get sick ,it's a shame I'll have to keep you really close to warm up your body"

You saw him get a few drinks too.You were both tipsy,in the cold,and probably ready to just rip each other's lips.

"Such a shame my captain have to take care of his crew , he rolled his eyes, mumbling curses

-Yeah yeah,don't tell me I didn't take care of you ,when I saw those puppy dog eyes"

You laughed and looked at his painted lips,you suddenly felt like two magnets just sticking to each other,his hands were all over you,yours in his blue long locks.

This night was the start of 20 long years of marriage until Buggy took his leave on the pirate job and settled with you in your hometown ,letting you open a little bakery where you sold a special:

The clown night special, a blue cake with red and white icing with a strawberry on top.

Let's say your husband didn't like this cake too much as he often ate the strawberry "by mistake"...

Hope you liked it besties! Lots of love and drink water!

Take care!

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.

A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!

-

Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.

Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.

You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.

You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.

Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.

"youre awake?"

you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"

He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.

"You sleep okay?" you ask

"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."

"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.

He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you

You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"

"what?" tae whined "just dont go"

"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug

Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.

"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes

sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"

"why not?"

"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"

"whos throwing the party?"

"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"

"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted

"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"

"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.

"tae"

"Is kaito going?"

"yes"

"then I will too"

you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"

He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.

you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.

-

"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.

"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"

You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.

"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"

"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"

"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."

Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.

"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.

"early birthday festivities?"

"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.

"she doesnt wanna see me?"

"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.

-

"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.

"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.

"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"

"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"

Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.

"dahyun cmere"

The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"

"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.

Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.

"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked

"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.

"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands

"hey!" chae snatched her phone back

"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"

"it says 18 hours ago, yes"

He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.

-

"He isnt picking you up"

"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.

"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.

"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"

"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.

You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"

"what?" he sat up and faced you

You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.

"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,

"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.

"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"

"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked

"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"

"from you?"

"from him"

he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"

-

The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.

"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"

"Y/N!"

you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.

"oh..hey, uh-"

"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.

"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you

"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"

"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.

"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.

As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."

"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"

"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"

"who?"

you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen

"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.

"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.

Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.

He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.

Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.

" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.

"what?"

"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.

"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"

Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.

"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"

"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"

"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"

Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment

"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.

"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"

"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,

"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.

"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly

well. he found kaito.

Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.

"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,

"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.

"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly

"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"

"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.

"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.

"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.

Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.

"I know, shes my girlfriend"

"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"

"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing

"damn thats harsh man... even for you"

"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly

Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.

He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs

"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"

"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"

she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?

he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.

"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.

"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.

"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him

He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"

He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"

"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned

"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"

she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face

"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.

He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.

"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.

"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"

"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.

You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"

"I ran into Kaito and I think-

the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.

"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.

You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.

"get out" he looked at taehyung

"no im no-"

"just get the fuck out" he bit

"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.

"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.

You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.

"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.

"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.

"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.

"wh..what?"

"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"

you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"

"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."

"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"

he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"

you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.

"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."

he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.

You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.

You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"

Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.

You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.

"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.

"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.

"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.

"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance

"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.

Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.

Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.

"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.

"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded

Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.

"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.

You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.

Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.

before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.

You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.

"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.

You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.

Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.

"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.

He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.

"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.

"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.

He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.

"why...why didnt you say anything to me"

You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.

"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"im sorry" you choke out.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.

"we will have to talk, about all of this"

"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper

"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.

you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.

"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car

"no...I just need Ice"

"what if you have a concussion?"

you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.

"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.

You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.

You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.

-

"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.

"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled

"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"

Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in

"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"

She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.

you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.

"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.

"tae.."

"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."

"i know" you mumbled, looking down.

"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."

"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"

He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.

The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.

You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.

You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.

Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.

taglist:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 21

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Fine. I admit it.

The Royal Dawn is a really nice hotel.

And the best part is, after my... demonstration to the Administrative offices today, I didn't have to order the Hotel to give us some rooms! They just offered rooms to us the minute we walked in!

I was given 'The Empress Suite.' I giggled at the name. I wonder if this had something to do with the royal retinue back in the day. Between the opulence, the name, and the theme it feels possible.

It is possible. There was always more than the Throne for you and your retinue. Every Starbase competed to offer you the most luxurious accommodations. After all, if you didn't like them, you could just rest on your starship.

My room - my suite of rooms actually - are easily the nicest place I've slept in my entire life. I made sure Omar, Ava, Um'reli and I each had our own rooms and while I'm glad that they have their own space, I'm too used to being around other people in the close quarters of FarReach or Starbases back home. I rattle around the rooms opening cabinets and drawers until I see it in the corner near a window overlooking the promenade.

They have a bath here!

It's made of some kind of golden flecked white stone, and is carved to look like it was weathered by the wind and water over millions of years. I figure out the taps, and set a bath going.

Once it's finished, I take off my outfit - Ugh, I wish I packed, this is my only clothes unless I use the Nanites to make more - and slip into the bath. It's blissfully relaxing.

I'm laying back in the tub, just floating, and I wish Ava was here with me.

Where did that come from?

I think for a split second about calling her in, but decide against it. I'm sure she'd come running if I called, I'm sure she'd be... enthusiastic about it, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I comfort myself with the thought, and soak for nearly an hour.

After, I dry and climb into the bed naked. I'll deal with clothes tomorrow.

More wild dreams.

My ship, operated and led by my most trusted Builder, Aeche, carries us to her prized Starbase. Built on her order for me, it's beautiful. She takes me on a tour, and we visit all of the highlights. She is especially proud of the transit system, the largest off planet in the Empire.

A team of 10 Builders live and work at the Reach operating in shifts to make sure all the needs of the residents and builders that live here are taken care of. It's one of the most complex Starbases yet and one of the most impressive.

That night, she comes to my rooms while I'm in the bath. She asks to join me, and I accept. For her, this is a culmination of months of jockeying and positioning to catch my eye, it's the realization of a goal years in the making.

For me, it's a fun night. She is easy on the eyes though, I see no harm in keeping her around for a while.

The next day, she leads me to the Throne. The only larger one exists back home on Imperia and I get the impression that this one is smaller only out of courtesy.

Sitting upon the Throne, with a full contingent of Builders behind me, I'm able to instantly take stock of my Empire. Things are going well. There are new reports from the frontier, and I set them to my ship, Worldshaker, so I have something to read while en route to the K'laxi.

This is the last stop before I go see the K'laxi, turn their Gate back on and remind them what the price of insubordination is. Worldshaker is getting reprovisioned and refreshed as the trip is longer than normal and I want to make sure we can stay a while if needed. On my way out, I'll touch the Gate, and commit an upload.

That night, Aeche visits me again, and we have more fun. After, we go to bed and I lay awake thinking about next steps. Aeche sighs and rolls over in her sleep next to me. I stroke her hair gently. Yes, things are going quiet well. It's nice to have some quiet.

I wake up in my bed, alone, in the hotel room, fully myself again. Not only was that the most... idyllic dream I've had yet, it's the first that I felt like it was me doing the things, not some other Empress.

Yes, the Nanites are doing well. You can probably integrate with the Throne if you were to try. It's up to you however. But remember you told The Smell of Soil after Rain to bring everyone today. We should head over there.

Hmm Good point. Okay, let's get up, get dressed, grab everyone and head over. I look over at my outfit from yesterday. It's nice, and it's impressive, but if I'm going to be presenting as Empress to everyone, I need something... more.

I concentrate and think about what would be right. I don't think about specifics, I let the Nanites take my whims into consideration and see what I get. The fog cloud of them surrounds me and my outfit from yesterday and I when they finish I turn and look in the mirror near the bath.

I'm still in royal blue - good, I like that color - but the outfit now is a... strapless ball gown? It's rather severely low cut - I wonder if that's from dreaming about Aeche - and the dress clings on the top half and billows and flows on the lower half and ends in sparking stars and nebulae on a train that flows behind me, rippling gently as if a breeze is blowing it. I check and... yes, it's not touching the ground. That's a neat trick. I'm wearing taller heels than yesterday too, but at least they're comfortable - for now. It's not something that Lieutenant Mullen would ever wear, but it seems... right for Empress Melody The First. I'll roll with it. In deference to who I am, there is a way to mount my rifle on my back. I click it in place and feel complete. I wonder how many Empresses were armed?

Many were. We even have records of a few who would carry a battle rifle with them.

That brings me some happiness. Even after how different we are, there are still some things that I share with Empresses across time.

As I open the door to leave, I see Omar, Ava and Um'reli in the hall already dressed and ready. They turn to see me and Ava and Um'reli both gasp and blush. Omar grins wickedly. "Melody, I have to say that this is the first time since you told us you were an Empress that you look the part. That is an amazing outfit."

I curtsy slightly "Thank you Omar. Did you all sleep well? I have a hunch with the Nanites you had... intense dreams?"

Ava snaps her had up to me. "I did! I dreamt that I was running a Starbase. We were preparing for your visit and I had so much to do, but I knew how to do all of it, and I had a really strong team, and you complimented our readiness when you arrived!"

Um'reli looks at me with an odd expression. "I did too, but... I dreamt I was a human. A Builder. I was operating a Starship, the Sunrunner. We were tasked by you directly to tour the frontier worlds and build a report about how they were doing, if they needed anything and if we thought there was any unrest. We were very proud because you had personally asked for us."

"What about you Omar?" Ava turns and looks at him.

"Yeah, I had a vivid dream. I dreamt that I was a planetary administrator. I ruled over more than a billion people on a world with two suns. One was white and the other was larger and redder. I remember clearly the odd shadows it cast, and how everything had an odd coloration. You had requested an increase in the delivery of Magnesium. We were able to meet the new quota this time, but I was worried that if you had requested to keep the quote high, how we would be able to make it without overworking the miners."

"Wow, so not only did you dream about being a Builder, not only did you dream about being a powerful Builder, but you all were in direct contact with the Empress. I wonder if that's because you received your Nanites from me directly."

"Who knows?" Um'reli looks at all of us. "But I for one am starving. Let's get some breakfast and go back to the Throne. Melody has a performance to give."

We head downstairs and sure enough there is a restaurant attached to the Hotel. We sit down and immediately I ask for a carafe of boiling hot water to be brought. While we wait, I take out my hand grinder and scale and make some coffee. By the time the water arrives, everything is ready. The Mariens who brought me the water is watching curiously as I make the coffee. Soon enough, it's finished, and I take the first sip of coffee in nearly three days.

Ahh, now, I can rule.

"Pardon my asking, Empress, but what is that?" The Mariens points to my beverage.

"It's called coffee. It's the roasted seed of a plant that's native to the planet we lived on. I like to drink an extraction of it made with boiling water. It does have a chemical, called caffeine, that offers a stimulant effect to Hu-Builders, but we've found it to be toxic to other Sapients, like our friends the K'laxi here. You can smell it if you'd like though." I hold out the cup.

The Mariens leans in and gently inhales. They lean back sharply and look at me. "That smells amazing." Their body language expresses wonder. "Truly, the Builders do amazing things. Now, what will you be having for breakfast?"

We order and eat and walk towards the Throne. As we're walking this time, people are not ignoring us. Children wave, people follow us with their eyes. They don't seem to be fearful of us, more respectful this time. As we turn a corner, I see Rapid River Roaring and The Smell of the Ocean. They look worse for wear. Both of them have matted feathers, even a few bare spots. Wild eyed they're looking around. River is clutching a bag of some kind.

Uh oh.

They turn and see me. Relief washes over them and they run up to me "Empress! My Empress!" They both approach me and bow low, head touching the ground. "We have completed your task. We have found Vivvix and Zemmlin and brought them to you."

Ava looks around. "But, where are they?"

I know where they are.

River opens the bag they're carrying.

Inside are most of Vivvix and Zemmlin.

"I see..." I try to not look unsettled. Omar's face darkens and he turns away. Ava look in and nods, satisfied. Um'reli doesn't look in, but she isn't unsettled by this development either.

Well. What's done is done. "I would have preferred they be brought to me alive, but my fault for not specifying that. Where were they?"

"The cowards were hiding in the docks. They were attempting to board another ship and catch up to that traitor, Ottarn. We were able to surprise them, and carried out your order, Empress."

"Yes, I can see that. Er, thank you both for your hard work. Go to High Line and find Starlight on a Moonless Evening. After this presentation, I plan on visiting the ship to assess it for refitting.

They both bow again. "Empress."

Part 22

[scyphosunny]

vargastober day 11 was posted a couple days ago ! this is a huge one , so let's talk about it .

i wanted to write an entry for this one yesterday , but i wasn't home ! i was still able to write something , but i spent most of the day getting some sleep . SUNNY , SLEEPING MORE THAN 3 HOURS A DAY ? NEVER HEARD OF IT !

first of all . . . what happened with day 10's piece ? if im being honest , i can't really remember anymore . but i'll try .

ah , yes ! it was a busy day , overall . ( it really wasn't .

i spent some time with else on vc , had a nice time ! talked about a bunch of stuff . then , i tried to get something before 7PM . . . and while i did get a small sketch i wasn't really pleased with it . which is weird ! because i drew something similar a while ago . . .

THE COMPARISON IS FUCKING KILLING ME , WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE SWALLOWED A FUCKING BRICK IN THE FIRST ONE . i had a lot of trouble with face shapes , as you can probably notice . . .

did my usual things , watched evo with sister and had something to eat . then , it was thursday ! and usually my friends and i do stuff on thursdays . that day we played stardew valley !

my sister ended up puking and i panicked because i have emetophobia so after crying for an hour i was exhausted

i was planning on going to sleep early today since i was so tired . i tried to push myself a bit to get that piece done but i knew for a fact that i wouldn't be able to stay awake or focus even if i wanted . i also knew that if i tried maybe i could get something i liked ? sometimes the sketches for these don't look great , it's mostly about the colors or the ambience i add afterwards . ough then my friend asked if i could wake her up at 3AM because they all know im usually awake at that hour , and my stupid ass said yes even if i was falling asleep on the couch . i took a nap and i was talking to cris to try and keep myself awake . then i just went to sleep . and yeah , i knew the piece for yarn would be huge so i didn't even try to continue with the past one . another one to my " failed " folder ! this is the second time i chose a reference from the same artist and this is the second time i fail . MAYBE THAT'S BEEN THE PROBLEM THIS WHOLE TIME

i was setting ideas for the prompts , and the idea i had for this one was actually very different ! i was thinking , maybe scriabin using edgar like a puppet with strings of yarn ! that was a cool concept . maybe too cool . so i was like . . . what if someone already has this idea ?? what if we end up doing the same things ? something i want to avoid . i feel like , that's an image that also appears in other people's heads . so i was thinking . . . what else could i do . . . . . . and don't even know how , but i got the idea of that one scene scri described on chapter 20 !

this one ! it had been a scene i wanted to draw for a long time . honestly , i want to draw all the memories they described ough I JUST LOVE DRAWING FOR THIS UNIVERSE SO MUCH . it feeds my age regression delusions .

as soon as i was up , i tried not to waste too much time so i could work with this one . i really wanted to get it done that day ! since i knew i'd be out on saturday .

let's see . . . when i told brusk about this one i talked about how i had NO IDEA how i was going to achieve this and she shared this cool website with a bunch of 3D models of pretty rooms ! so i searched for one that looked similar to what i had in mind for their room .

started thinking . . . what do i think their room looks like ? at first i was thinking of it a bit like bluey's room , maybe . . . or dipper and mabel's room too . just two beds in the corners of the room . a bunk bed would also work for them , but let's just leave it like that .

this is a bit of what i had in mind ! maybe edgar's bed being the one on the lefft and scri's the one on the right . i tried to make it look messier for that reason lolz . two windows , some toys on the floor , a nice carpet in between the beds . . . i can't really imagine them having posters around , to be honest . maybe just some pictures . . . even if i added two beds ( for obvious reasons ) i have the hc that scri would mostly sleep on edgar's bed . a bit like what he does on the chapters after he has a body ! scri just goes , sits on the corner of the bed and even if edgar told him not to sleep there he still does and edgar doesn't do anything about it lolz . i can imagine scri walking to edgar's bed in the middle of the night to cuddle with edgar and that's that . so , in theory , edgar's bed should be the messy one and scri's would be made most of the time since he doesn't really sleep there . " his bed would be made " , is that how you even call it ? i don't know . . . then , they'd have fights and would sleep separately . ough , my little kids . </3

so yeah , that was the layout i had planned originally . i searched on the website , and these caught my eye !

( links for them are here and here

i was going to use that ffirst one as the reference but then i was like . that's a bad place to put a bed . ( ??? ) so i kept looking , even if i wanted to give those vibes . then , found that second one and my brain immediately went PERFECT

BUT .

i have a little problem . and my perception of time is absolutely broken . I CAN'T VISUALIZE HOW THINGS WERE BEFORE 2000'S i SWEAR . 2000's for me are like . how everything is rn . maybe like those nostalgia pics ppl like to share on social media . but , for everything before the 2000's it's like

WHICH IS A FUCKING PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T VISUALIZE ANYTHING FOR THEM THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS TO YEAR 1800

i knew for a fact that the story was set in the 90's but i also wasn't sure ? because there's this entry on violation where scriabin writes a date .

I WAS PRETTY CONFUSED , i wanted to go with that but i also knew that we couldn't really trust scri when it comes to anything . i asked zar because i wanted to have everything in place and she did say that scri was lying lolz . I JUST THINK OF THAT A LOT everytime i want them to do something i'm constantly thinking " did this thing exist back then " " is this how this thing looked when this happened " IT'S ANNOYING

i had to do some calculations . . . let's see , if the story is set roughly on the 90's , and edgar's like , 30 years old let's say ( i hc him being +30 , but zar usually says that he's in his late twenties so i'd go with 27 or 28 ) , so he was a kid on . 1970 , let's say . i literally googled " rooms in the 70's " but i was still leaning into something that looked more old that that . THEY ALSO SEEM TO LIVE IN THE FOREST OR SOMETHING IDK their house looks old in my head

i did end up changing the bed's design , though . make it a little more square-ish . if that makes sense . oh , also ! i added some stairs for scri , since he's so small and the bed looks tall ( it was actually even taller in the 3D render ) . he maybe moved the stairs to edgar's bed so he could just hop in when he wanted . smol boy .

so well . . . i had no idea if i could trust the process , to be honest . i had to move some stuff around , pushed the bed to the corner of the room , added the window in between the beds and uh idk i think that's all i had to move

so , i went from this

to this

to , well . this !

before even starting i watched a tutorial . i know for a fact that i'm not good at backgrounds . and i really REALLY didn't want to fuck this one up because if i got it right it would be SO GREAT . this is the tutorial i watched , by the way . . . it was super useful !

i started working on it at 1pm maybe , and as you can see by the hour on the screenshots ( i just checked and i took the screenshots at night lolz ah well ) it took me the whole day . ougghh . once i got to take a break and eat something , it was time to color stuff . i had fun choosing colors and textures for everything . . . really like that one wallpaper i chose ! and green always looks pretty on everything . also , added that one texture i always use for the skin and i really like how it makes everything look . looks less flat .

i didn't know what i wanted to do with those pictures . i just added one of edgar and his grandma maybe and a random rose . i wanted to make it a butterfly and looking back at it i should've gone with the butterfly but i couldn't get it to look right , bleh .

also , those strings holding the frame weren't supposed to be red but i accidentally drew them in the same layer as the yarn , so when i colored everything the strings also got colored and was too lazy to get them back to normal lolz .

coloring little scri was really fun ! i was planning to draw edgar crawling on the floor originally , as scri described . but i couldn't find a reference i liked and also , it was about time to draw scri in one of these ! it's been a while since he showed up . i just keep drawing edgar but i do find funny that everytime i tried to draw scri on these recently i just fail . DID I GET USED TO DRAW EDGAR AND NOW I CAN'T DRAW SCRI ANYMORE ??????? IDK but that can't be good .

uh , what else . . . coloring everything was a long process but picking colors was still fun . scri's sweater was actually blue at first but i didn't like how it looked so i changed it . . .

getting the yarn in place was actually harder than i expected . I DIDN'T REALLY ADD A BUNCH OF STUFF TO LOOP IT WITH , i wanted to make their room look messier at first but i got lazy . maybe add some clothes on the floor or shoes , i don't knnnnow . . . I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADD MORE DETAILS I'M SICK OF THIS DRAWING

i tried to make it just a whole thread of yarn going everywhere but at the end i did add some random pieces because it looked empty , bleh . even know , i feel like the yarn is not noticeable enough and that bugs me off because YARN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN THING ON THE PIECE and you can't even see it .

( quick break to say that i'm listening to dusty dirty curse by kikuo and i keep feeling sad because i didn't know the song before going to the concert a month ago , I REMEMBER ENJOYING IT AND STUFF BUT I LISTENED TO IT LIVE AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT WOULD BE FOR ME IN THE FUTURE . god i only knew its name because zarla told me but god GGGODDD PLEASE TAKE ME BACKKKK PLEASE I CAN ENJOY IT MORE THAN BEFORE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WAS SO HAPPY BACK THEN

my art is already HARD TO SEE I'D SAY but bleh

i was almost done coloring stuff . . . and sometimes for some reason my csp lags a bit when i try to change to certain brushes . well , i tried to change brushes , my csp freezes , the screen gets black for a second and i'm thinking " please don't crash , please don't crash " then i got a blue screen

fun ! ( fun fact , blue screens used to scare me so much . everything related with technology errors still scares me but last pc i had would crash over and over and over again so i kinda just got used to it lolz . now this one doesn't crash as much . last time it did was because i tried to play minecraft with shaders and it really didn't like that . oh well , where was i . .

i couldn't remember last time i saved and honestly it SCARED ME because i couldn't afford to lose progress back then . it was probably past 11PM at this point . . . i did get why my pc crashed , though . . . i had it turned on since 1PM . i did take breaks and stuff but i didn't turn it off completely ? so it was probably tired . at that point my time with csp opened was more than 11 hours . well . . .

i turn it on again . . . i check the file . . . didn't lose a lot ! i just colored the lamp on the drawer and the calendar lolz . i checked my file though , and i realized that csp actually restored some of the progress for me ! i didn't know it could do that . . . when it comes to the app crashing , i knew i could always trust sai2 . everytime the app crashed , i would open it again and it immediately would be like " hey you didn't save do you want your file back ooorrr . . . . . . . " and i never got that on csp until that ! really appreciated .

didn't know what to do for that calendar , exactly . so i just added that day's date . october 11th !

what else . . . had fun with the lightning and the colors . it was mostly me experimenting . i didn't know that to make for edgar's blanket . . . and well i just love the combination between blue and yellow . so why not throw some stars .

also , that bit of green is supossed to be scri's bed . added some random drawings to the paper sheets on the floor . . .

i searched for a while to find a nice texture to add to the floor . . . most of the ones i found weren't free . and when i finally found one i liked it took foverer to download . i was like PLEASE I JUST NEED TO DO THIS ONE THING

and i think that was all ! i'm really proud of this piece . it's my best piece currently . took around 13 hours with breaks . . . started at 1PM and finished it at 3AM maybe ? took two breaks to eat and shower. i'm used to take this long on pieces but god . it also has like , 300 layers . maybe 200 , i don't know . . . and makes me so much happier knowing that it ( mostly ( came out of my brain and not from a random pinterest reference !

i wish i had a speedpaint and i've been wanting to record speedpaints for these but I ALWAYS FORGET TO PRESS RECORD UGH

with and without filter ! i really , REALLY love this filter . it kinda gives 2016 tumblr vibes . or one of those filters on instagram no one actually uses . Río de Janeiro

as you can see , there's some stuff i cropped out . mostly because it didn't look good . . . those books on the shelf look kinda odd and the window is also throwing me off .

quick comparison ! last time i made a background this complicated was back in 2021 . . . even if it's been a long time since i really tried with one of these it's still way better . i've grown so much as an artist X3

i don't know if i'll work on today's piece , if i'm being honest . . . i think i'll try but i was out all day today and woke up at six . tired . . . was falling asleep in the bus back home until bug by kairiki bear started playing . my eyes just snapped wide open lolz . i really don't want to skip another prompt , ugh . i do enjoy drawing edgar bleeding to death , so that might encourage me just enough lolz . i was also out on saturday , as i already mentioned . didn't do a whole lot . . . i did write a small jake / edgar drabble i know for a fact i WON'T POST because i'm not good with writing !

pics i took today ! aren't i pretty ? also , i told you my shoes were cool !!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll have something to eat for dinner . . . then i'll see what i can do X3

also lol i've been having trouble to TURN MY MONITOR ON and i'm afraid that one of these days i'll try to work on a piece and it won't turn on . ugghh

[the-quicksilver-diary]

The Woods

[Below is a translated excerpt from a diary penned by one Gottlieb Schneider found in a ruined campsite in southwest Germany, dated to sometime in the early-to-mid 19th century]

November 17 I've made arrangements to head westward into the woods outside of town for a hunting expedition. For now is the season for fine deer and boars out in the forest, whose meat should keep well into the winter in the storehouse for Heidi and myself. I'll be taking with me my rifle, a few dogs, and some basic provisions that I expect to last me about a week. I will leave tomorrow before the sun awakes, such that I can reach the woods before nightfall. Yours, Gottlieb

November 18 I made quite good time today, making it to the edge of the woods just as the sun was setting into the trees. As dusk fell, a brisk chill welcomed me to the hunt ahead. I am grateful now that I remembered to bring my hat, for I am sure it will only get colder from here as I venture deeper into the woods. The hounds are already with great excitement, particularly the green ones. When I set up camp for the night, I took some time to review my rifle, ensuring its cleanliness and function for the hunt ahead. I broke off some hard cheese and some rye bread from one of my loaves as my dinner for the night. Yours, Gottlieb

November 19 Despite the sticks and stones on the forest floor, I awoke most refreshed today. However, it is already much colder today than I anticipated it to be. To warm my bones for the day ahead, I brewed a pot of coffee over the fire from the night before. The trees are thick here, making it difficult to find much in the way of available sight lines. I did, however, find scraps of cloth fixed to trees along my path. [Pictured below is a pencil illustration of a jagged scrap of red fabric that is frayed at the edges] A few hours into the afternoon, I was able to find a few does drinking water from a still and pristine pond. The sound of a brook hid my approach. Upon picking up the scent of my dogs from downwind, however, they fled deeper into the woods. This sighting gives me confidence in the swiftness and success of my hunt. Yours, Gottlieb

November 20 I had great difficulty sleeping last night. All night I heard creaking and moaning coming from the trees nearby, and insects bit relentlessly at me and my dogs. I took out a bit of cheese and sausage, tossing a few morsels for the hounds. Despite my weariness, I am eager to continue on the trail of those does that I encountered yesterday. Before me lies a clear corridor through the trees that stretches on for a few miles. There are no stumps or signs of destruction, but the trees themselves seem to have bowed away from the corridor. There are more bits of fabric here, scattered throughout the corridor and caked with mud. One of the does from yesterday has reappeared. She jumped out from behind the wall of bowing trees and devoured some of the fabric from the mud. The doe's emergence raised the hackles of my hounds until she went back into the woods. I spent the rest of today following some sets of hoofprints I came upon. A few hours after sending my dogs to follow the scent left within the tracks, they bayed to alert me to their location. I followed the sound and found my hounds barking at a buck standing atop a nearby hill, who all but refused to flee until I attempted to fire at it. Today caused great exhaustion and disappointment. I pray that tomorrow will be easier on me than today. Yours, Gottlieb

November 21 The air has grown even colder and more bitter, taking on a quality I would not expect for another two months. To breathe burns my nostrils and fogs my breath, though no snow has fallen. I heard in my dreams last night the sound of a great moaning and creaking on the wind, like that of a home dying of age. I knew not its source, but it gave my visions an eerie quality. I ventured to find some more water to fill my canteen this morning. When I reached the lake, its water that was without flaw just yesterday had fouled. Leaves that had fallen upon the water have now turned to primordial scum. The sound of a babbling brook has been drowned out by the buzzing of flies. I took no more water then, for I doubt even pouring it into my campfire could clean it. Still determined to find my kill, I set out into the woods once more. After a few hours, I came upon a small herd of does attended by that most impressive buck from yesterday. I stilled my breath, took my aim at the buck, and fired my rifle into his shoulder. As I went to the fallen buck, the nearby does made no motion to move. In fact, they watched me with great stillness and intent, heads and eyes following my every move in unison. They even watched me as I dug my knife into the buck to remove his viscera. I dragged the carcass back with me to camp, but even still those does watched me. I don't think I'll ever forget the way they watched me. The buck was quite easy to carve and prepare for smoking. I even fed some fresh venison to the hounds which they readily devoured. Yours, Gottlieb

November 22 My oldest dog has died in the night. I expected this to be his last year, but I had no expectation of a fate so gruesome. His hide was perfectly intact, with no sign of injury of any sort. It lay mere feet away from his bones that were cast aside in a hasty pile and cleaned of all debris. My other dogs can barely move without trembling. I looked for tracks around my campsite to see what manner of beast was capable of such an act, but all I found were splintered and gnarled bits of oak and more of that dreadful red cloth. I spend the rest of my day digging a grave and performing a service for my hound, may she rest in peace in these woods. As I make my preparations to sleep, I pray to the Lord that I may return home safely to Hilda. Yours, Gottlieb

November 23 The corridor of trees from several days prior has appeared near my campsite, though I remember its location being a few miles south and its length being substantially shorter. Even with one dog dead, I must continue my hunt. As I trudge through the black woods, I notice that the birds have gone quiet. If I listen closely, I can hear now a faint, hollow, rhythmic rattling against some sort of dry membrane. Shortly into my walk, I see that a doe lies before me, still and lifeless. Her skin is icy and tough. After making an incision, I understand that her meat is still viable. In short order, I drag the doe's carcass back to camp and prepare it for curing. It is of great providence that this doe has fallen, as my provisions are growing scarce. Ice is beginning to form around my knuckles and fingers. Though I feel that my vitality has gone from me, I must return home at once. Yours, Gottlieb

November 24 The rest of my dogs have forsaken me during the night. I suppose they were wise to do so, for none have any chance out here in the black woods, not anymore. How fitting is it then, that the Final Sunday should be still and silent as the dead? As I break camp and make swift retreat to Schramberg, I hear once more that damnable rattling. It courses harsh and sorrowful through frigid autumn air, sending a chill up my spine and unease through my bones. I must move quickly before the cold catches and devours my very soul. The trees in the direction of my egress creak and bow before my eyes, they bend softly and turn away from it. Its rattling - its breathing - is growing louder. I hear the distant sound of a hymn for the dead. The choir is all-encompassing, coming from all the directions of the black woods: the north of devastation, the south of hunger, the east of decay, and the east of terrible and inexorable Death. Scraps of red fabric faded with age shed from its teeth and flitter about and dance. Its song is deafening, a choir of the countless thousands that rot, forsaken deep in the black woods. May God be with

[kimmysurveyblog]

52

1 - What time did you wake up this morning? Is there a particular reason you woke up at that time? 6:50am. I slept pretty well last night so I naturally woke up 10 minutes before my alarm.

2 - What was the first thing you did after opening your eyes? Scrolled for 10 minutes.

3 - What did you have for breakfast? Are you even a breakfast person? I don't eat breakfast. I had a breakfast sausage and some salad for lunch.

4 - Have you left the house at all today? Where did you go and what did you do? Yes. Went for a nature walk this morning, and to my bf's dad's this afternoon.

5 - What's your favourite time of day to shower/bathe? Have you done either of those things yet? I shower right after getting my daughter up from her nap. Yes.

6 - Did/do you have work or school today? No.

7 - What made you decide on your current outfit? What are you wearing, anyway? I'm in pajamas because it's night time.

8 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did it taste good? Breakfast sausage, toast & eggs. Yes!

9 - Do you spend a lot of time with the people you live with? If you live alone, who do you spend the most time with? Sooo much time. I'm a SAHM and my boyfriend & I are homebodies.

10 - When was the last time you got caught in the rain? I don’t remember.

11 - Who was the last person you spoke to online? Do you know them in person or not? They are my online friend but we've met a bunch of times. I think I'll be seeing her later in the year.

12 - If you could change any law that exists in your current country, what would it be and why? I’m too sleepy for this one.

13 - What were the last toppings you had on a pizza? Bacon and green olives.

14 - When was the last time you cut your toenails? A few days ago.

15 - What do you take the most photos of? Do you post them anywhere in particular? My daughter. No. 

16 - What's your favourite way to eat potatoes? Mashed.

17 - What time of day do you feel at your most productive? Like... all day while my daughter is awake.

18 - Would you rather spend an hour walking a dog or riding a horse? Walking a dog.

19 - Do you ever have fairy lights up even though it's not Christmas? I put some in my daughter's room. 20 - Do you freak out when you need to visit the doctor or the dentist? Oh absolutely!! The dentist especially. I’m a little excited for my doctor apts these days. :)

21 - What do you tend to spend most of your free time doing? Do you do that activity alone or with other people? Scrolling on my phone, playing video games, journalling, watching the shrimp tank.

22 - When was the last time you met someone new? What were the circumstances and did you get along? No idea.

23 - What's the job of your dreams? Is this something that's achievable to you at all? Being a SAHM is the job of my dreams! I love getting to spend these years with my daughter.

24 - What will you be eating for your next meal? Will you be cooking, eating out or ordering a takeaway? I have no idea.

25 - Are you still living under COVID restrictions or have things mostly gone back to normal for you now? Back to normal.

26 - What time of year would you say is your favourite, weather-wise? Autumn.

27 - Do you have any irrational fears or phobias? No.

28 - Do you prefer The Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit movies, if you like any of them? Neither.

29 - Which Harry Potter film was your favourite? What about your least favourite? Never seen them.

30 - Do you ever get in the mood to clean/tidy/organise? When was the last time that happened? On and off all day.

[tardigradesonthemoon]

I have a genetic condition that causes the connective tissue in my body to be stretchy an loose, like a rubber band thats been stretched too many times. Because of this the my muscles do extra work to keep my skeleton in place that they're really not designed for and it hurts. It hurts everywhere most of the time and extra in some places sometimes. It also causes me to be much more prone to injury and joint dislocation, sometimes when I'm walking my knee will briefly dislocate and I'll suddenly stumble or fall. Or I'll pick up a grocery bag and my shoulder will simply fall out of the socket. This by it self doesn't hurt for more than a few seconds but the tendons and ligaments arent designed to stretch that way and, if I'm lucky, it feels like a bad bruise inside the joint for the next few days — or weeks depending on how bad the pull was. This condition cannot be treated or cured. It effects the collagen in your body which is in everything. It will get worse as i age, it already has gotten worse.

Did reading that make you feel tired? Imagine how I feel. So, I just started taking a new medication for narcolepsy. Do I have narcolepsy? Probably not, but I DO have chronic pain and fatigue.

I would not make it to work on time most days, I'd struggle to stay awake with high caffeine energy drinks and take a nap at my desk almost every lunch. I'd come home and fall asleep on the couch then go to bed, sleep all night and then do the same thing all over again. Some days I'd call in sick because I simply COULD NOT stay awake even to get ready in the morning. Every weekend I'd sleep for 15-20 hours a day and nevermind getting anything else done, cuz ti don't know if you know this, but that's the whole day.

So my new drug.

Today is my first day on the new drug. And y'all, I feel fucking amazing; not only do I feel like I have energy to get up for the day, feel like I can tackle things on my to-do list — some of those things have been there for MONTHS or even longer, I actually feel like my antidepressant is working better because it's not being dampened by a this film of tiredness.

Like I said, its only my first day so I'm trying to be realistic. I still have my usual pain, this isn't helping that (and it's not designed to) so i need to be careful not to overdo it and injure myself. Am i feeling like anything is possible because I've felt so bad for so long that suddenly having that feeling lifted is euphoric? Or is this how I'm going to feel on this drug? I don't know the answers to these questions but I'm excited to find out and I'm excited to be able to DO things again. Anything is a step up but this feels like the whole staircase.

[hackerqueen]

Summer Love

Chapter 2: I Ain't Worried

Previous <-

I'll never forget the first time I saw Jake shirtless. Seriously.

July 7, 2014

The end of the first week of July attacked California with a huge heat wave. It was practically impossible to survive on the streets, and the only place of solace was the calm ocean water cooling down the heated body. Of course it was temporary, but always something.

Jane and I were there practically every day, but today my cousin was not at home. She went to her boyfriend's for the night, leaving me alone and withered by the cosmic temperature.

I was damned bored. Therefore, I didn't waste a minute more but headed to my aunt's neighbor's house. Namely, Jake's mom.

I bit my lip and started knocking on the door. In my spirit I prayed that his mom would not be home. Actually it didn't matter; I went out with my him every few days. Most of these meetings consisted of evening rides in his car, which he got for his 18th birthday, and our arguments or teasing.

I felt good in his company. Despite the apparent difference in our characters, we got along ... quite well. Jake was a great guy and I envied people who had him on a daily basis.

After a few minutes, the door swung open and in the threshold I saw a sleepy Jake with disheveled hair wearing a white oversize T-shirt and red and black plaid pants.

And just maybe my heart started beating a little faster at that sight.

– Christ, MC, are you haunting me even in the morning already? – he said, and his voice was hoarse. Despite his words, he opened the door wider, letting me in.

– Nice to see you too, Jake. – I replied, entering the cooler room, which immediately gave me relief – Besides, it's already after 1 pm, ignorant.

The boy closed the door and yawned completely ignoring my comments about his biological clock.

– May I know what urgent matter sent you here at such an inhuman hour?

– Do you want to go to the lake? - I asked directly, making puppy dog eyes to convince him. The boy, however, seemed unconcerned.

– With the fishes? No, thank you.

– Wait, you're scared of fish? – I asked trying not to laugh. Jake seemed too serious to be afraid of such things.

– They're just so..slimy – he confessed while shrugging in disgust which made me giggle. I guess he wasn't fully awake.

– Slimy?

– Slimy. – he replied, pulling out an energy drink from the refrigerator

– Do you even still have internal organs? – I walked over and tapped on his chest, where his heart should be. I looked at him with feigned seriousness to give him the tragic information. – It's not beating. These shits have gnawed them all out of you.

The Jake's hand tapped my forehead forcing me to move away. My face lit up again with a smile. Damn, how could it be that smiling was easier with him?

– Do you know we're going to go on that beach anyway? – I asked with confidence in my voice. Seeing his resolute expression I rolled my eyes – Oh, come on, grumpy face, it will be fun!

– Absolutely not.

* * *

– Why do you always manage to persuade me? – he groaned, combing his hair with his hand while I spread a blanket on the sand – This is why I hate summer.

– Personal charm, my dear. – I almost sang out, sitting down on the material, and Jake joined in a moment later. The sun was shining straight into my face, which already seemed sweaty enough. – Ugh, I'm so hot!

– Loving your confidence. – he muttered accusingly causing me to punch him in the arm

– Oh shut up. – I grabbed the bottom of my T-shirt to pull it over my head. Then Jake coughed violently and I looked at his embarrassed face. – What? After all, I'm not going to sit here like a nun or there will be popcorn left of me.

I took off my T-shirt leaving me in a red swimsuit top. I looked out of the corner of my eye at Jake's flushed cheeks. It must be the temperature.

I heard a loud whistling in front of me, which made me raise my eyes. A boy in his 20s or so looked at me suggestively, but immediately walked away as soon as he saw that Jake, who was accompanying me, was taking off his shirt and sending him an unpleasant look. I turned to face Jake and was nearly clobbered.

Teenage hormones were bubbling as I moved my gaze over his slightly defined arm muscles as well as his abdomen. The pendant that hung loosely from his neck perfectly matched the sculpture of his body and....

Damn it, MC stop checking him out!

I forced my gaze back to his eyes and knew that my earlier act had not taken place without his knowledge. A slight, yet cocky and confident smile stretched his lips. I bestowed a hostile look on him, raising an eyebrow.

– Why did you do this?

– I don't know what you are talking about. – he said looking away and laying down, laying his head on his backpack. Through my meaningful silence, he sighed and forced himself to answer – It looked like he was trying to flirt with you.

I smiled victoriously.

– So you're jealous?

– No.

His answer was immediate which only put me in a better mood.

– But you like me.

– I tolerate you more than most people. – Jake's typical response

Some time later we went to a nearby beach bar to buy something to drink. My attention was caught by a box filled with ice, in which two bottles of wine were placed. I looked pleadingly in Jake's direction to which he firmly shook his head.

– No, box wine does not count as keeping yourself hydrated. – he recited as if he were reading a pamphlet from a doctor. I stuck out my middle finger in his direction.

– What can I get you, Jake? – asked the bartender, who turned out to be a friend of Jake's

– Two Sex on the beach. – he replied, and the bartender smiled provocatively and winked in our direction, then started making drinks

– Oh really? – I teased him

– I will throw the drink on you. – he replied smiling artfully

Not being 21 was not a problem in this bar. Familiarity was enough.

I couldn't hold back my laughter as I looked over at Jake, who was seated under one of the umbrellas, putting on his sunglasses and slowly sipping his drink while giving a shit about the whole world around him. When he heard my laughter, he pulled off his glasses and, with one eye squinted through the sun, asked.

– What is it this time?

– The energy you have is tired dad energy.

– I don't have kids? And I don't want to? – he furrowed his eyebrows in incomprehension and his obliviousness amused me even more

– Still, you're gonna be a DILF. – I finished shamelessly, and a short laugh filled his lips

Christ, and that sound was so lovely.

With him I let go of all my brakes. I knew him for two weeks, yet they seemed like two years.

– You're too quiet, and you never want to talk about yourself, why? – I asked curiously, watching him refill his drink

– You talk plenty enough for both of us. – he replied simply to which I tilted my head to the side in disbelief

– I just... Hey! – I shouted as he took my drink and began to drink it to the end, rudely looking into my eyes

Drinking from the same straw is almost like kissing, isn't it?

– Give it back! – I tried to grab the glass, however, the boy used his advantage and pulled his hand up every time I tried to take back my property – You are unbelievable!

And so arguing we were watched by some tourists however then no one else counted but him. And I saw the same in his eyes. The whole world around us disappeared, there was only us and we didn't worry about anything.

[elizabethplaid]

Semi-rhetorical, but why am I sleepiest when I first wake up and most wired when I'm trying to fall asleep? I swear, it takes me like 3 hours to not nod off lately.

In contrast, I only got like 2-3 hours sleep yesterday before I was wide awake again, and then I stayed alert for like 20+ hours. I think it's related to cell phone gaming habits, rather than my nocturnal lifestyle.

Also, if I'm waking up around like 3:30pm, trying to roll out of bed until 4pm, that's basically sunset, nowadays. Today, I was in bed before 8am, but yesterday had me in bed at 10am and then not sleeping until after noon (cell phone games, as I said).

Anyway, I'm sleeby, so I think I'll skip the games and just go back to bed. If I don't wake up til morning, watever.

[jodilin65]

I snored myself awake when I could have used another hour or two of sleep and finally I said, I gotta do something about this shit. Sleep cursed or not, no getting around it or not, I've got to at least try something. So, since it will be a while before I see the next pulmonologist and even longer before and if I can get a mouthguard, I really do have to try to lose a little weight. I didn't have this problem 10 lb ago, although it still seems a hell of a coincidence that as soon as I move to a quieter place where traffic isn't waking me up, I start snoring myself awake. Again, it's like something always wants to fuck with my sleep. At least I wasn't as tired as I normally would be after being shorted on sleep. I really do think the waterbed is helping. It's so much more comfortable. The vitamins help too but I don't want to overdo it so I'm taking them every other day and will see how I feel.

Anyway, Atkins is a bit extreme and not good for people like me, so I'm thinking of going Keto. They recommend 20 to 50 carbs a day instead of just 20 like Atkins. Thanks to AI, I could really get some helpful info on it. Most of it is common sense but it's still nice that I can ask it for a menu plan if I want or if a specific food or drink is acceptable on that diet, what the carbs are, etc. I still don't want to drive myself too crazy with all kinds of restrictions. I also still don't think my body will give up its weight due to a combination of my thyroid, being older, and my body being used to being where it's at but I'm going to make one last-ditch effort along with trying to get help with the two sleep disorders. No matter what the doctor says, everything is up to the insurance company in the end. Never the patient and the doctor which is all wrong but just the way it is. They get the final say whether I like it or not, so if there's anything that can help me that I can't afford that they won't cover, I'm shit outa luck.

Thanks for all the story ideas some of you offered on different sites but I think I'm going to take a break for my story and come back to it later with a fresh mind and see what I want to do with it then. I might work on something a little simpler with a less intricate plot instead.

I was frustrated today because my Temu package arrived in Florida last night but it wasn't transferred to the post office in time to get to me today. Because tomorrow is a holiday, I'll have to wait till Friday.

Here we go with the fireworks again although it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be… yet. Tomorrow night I expect some chaos, understandably, because it will be the fourth but hopefully, it won't go on and on and on for so many hours. Like anyone really gives a shit about the country's birthday anyway as opposed to making noise to get attention?

I'm finishing up the first of five rides of VZ’s latest challenge which are in France in honor of the upcoming Olympics.

I read that Jordan Chiles almost quit gymnastics because she “didn't think the sport wanted her” because of her race and I’m like, she's kidding, right? After Gabby Douglas, Simone, and other black gymnasts, she really thought that? Some people really see racism in everything and I mean everything, even when it's not really there. It's attitudes like hers that make whites look bad.

Grow up, Jordan, and stop making excuses! If you want to throw your talent away and quit for other reasons, do it. But don't blame whites for why you really want to throw in the towel.

Since I bitched about the famous, how about the infamous? When I read that Susan Smith was up for parole, I couldn't help but ask how the hell someone can drown their two kids and have it shot at parole, even if they're unlikely to get it at first, while Jodi Arias can kill her gaslighting, mindfucking boyfriend (not that he deserved it), and get life with no chance of parole. WTF???

[nathank77]

5/24/24

7:13 p.m Edited

I fell asleep fast with half a mg of xanax and 25mg of Hydroxyzine but I woke up 2 hours later needing to pee too bad to ignore it .. I had to take a Benadryl 25mg to fall back to sleep. I prob woke up 3 or 4 times needing to pee and ignored it every time but one more time than at 10 a.m...

Part of me worried I didn't sleep cause I had my eyes closed for a while at 10 a.m.. but I did at least until 1 p.m.. then the time in-between 1 p.m and 3:30 seems foggy... I remember kinda being awake and opening my eyes soon after seeing a movie of like jurassic park in my mind... just prob the trauma of microsleep and waking up during rem making me think I'm "dreaming" while I'm awake idk. I dreamt of being in a mall running away from dinosaurs. Raptors were chasing me a lot.

Anyways I felt groggy cause I always do when I wake up and I couldn't make phone calls. I decided to be productive in a different way. I call it a car care day. Or just car day.

Either way I got the letter in the mail that they received my report on Kristen today now I'm waiting on the status letter that's coming. I'm worried they'll throw it away... I mean I'm crazy right? What does the words of a guy with auditory hallucinations mean to people against a professional? That's the fucked part I'm 100% level headed but they see a lunatic.. I'm stronger than most people. 99% of you all would have killed yourself if you lived through microsleep and auditory hallucinations and being delusional...

Anyways I await the status report.... not holding my breath... waiting to fucking off myself if they let her off the hook..

Well so car care day. I checked my oil and it's low and I scheduled my oil change for Tuesday at 5 p.m. I also added freon to my car. The compressor works. I learned a new thing today :)

Against many people's advice in the 3G (Mitsubishi eclipse) group as I don't have money to pay a technician 200$ to use a 20$ can of freon on my car, I did it myself and found what they contributed to be helpful. It took a long time. I used at least half the can. It didn't seem to want to go passed 25-30 PSI it read 10 when i hooked it up... but sometimes it read 50. When I turned on the ac to full blast it went red indicating the compressor works. And eventually I didn't see much movement on the gauge after turning it down and using more. So I just decided to test it via going grocery shopping. It was def 100% cooler. I feel like I did it but it's not super cold. It's def cold. It's 82 where I am and I was comfortable in the car. Idk if my car is one of the vehicles that don't exceed 25-30 psi. I just asked in the group.

I'm really glad I didn't waste my money on a technician- as a guy who isn't mechanically inclined there are things that we shouldn't do and there are easier things that we can do to be self sufficient and learn and I'm glad I learned. I restored it to about what it was a couple years ago. I'm happy with it but I'd like to get it cooler.

I went to Wal-Mart and stop and shop. I grabbed a chicken and Coolant and some other stuff. I got gas so when I go to the mechanic on Tuesday I don't have to get gas since it's in Southington.

I put on a timer for a hour once I got home cause you can't put Coolant in a hot car. So I'm waiting on that. I shaved my face. I got to buzz my head before the shower and then I guess I'll watch Dexter.

Tomorrow and Sunday imma fuck with my hdcp bypasser and try to have two Red bull days in a row and play silent hill even though no one watched a second of them despite the money and time it takes to bypass hdcp.

I'm still hallucinating but it's whatever. I'm hoping they take my claim against Kristen seriously and I get her license taken away. Although I won't doubt it if they throw it away bc no one sees you as a person when you hallucinate. You're labeled a drooling lunatic that should be institutionalized.

[audiovisualrecall]

I have to be at work at 3pm today for inventory and it's 10:45 and I still need to feed the cat his canned food, shower and get dressed, pack/put together my lunch/dinner, possibly eat lunch before I go bc I never have time for 2 breaks on inventory nights, and I have to leave around 1 if I'm going by public transport or by 2:20 if I'm doing uber, which I might despite $$$ bc I hate taking 2.5 hours and possibly also a 15 minute walk to get somewhere that takes a car 20 minutes. And also idk if I can be ready in time to leave at 1.

Also I didn't call a customer yesterday so now I have to do that ASAP when I get in to work, but I Also have to look up a bunch of stuff for mothers day because they want to discuss and finalize plans today around 4pm. And of course there's the usual stuff like restocking and then taking care of the garden center.... plus I absolutely Have to do the condensing and organizing for the GC before 6/7pm so that when I go to count out there at 9pm I won't be guessing or standing out there for ages and idk if it's gonna rain or anything tonight.

Also also I have no idea whether my mom is going to pick me up from work or if I should ask my sister to come get me and I'll sleep on their couch instead, it depends on if they do the procedure for dad (apparently the meds they have him on have sorted out thw issue bjt idk if thats an actual fix or something he could keep taking or if they still need to do the procedure anyway) what time they will, if he's staying another night, and if ma is going to stay late there or overnight or what. if he's staying in the hospital overnight again, then Idk, cause she's going to be like 15 mins away from me at most and it doesn't make sense for her to drive all the way home and then back, but also I won't be done till 11:45 or later possibly (last time I clocked out at 12:04am, got in the car at 12:15 or something) and is she just going to hang around in the area till then???? Stay with dad until 11 and head over??? And will she even be able to be awake enough to come get me and drive home??? On the maybe 5 or 6 hrs of sleep last night?

[the-heaminator]

Ludwig woke up the earliest, he almost always did, he was still so happy that he could see Alfred and Matthew asleep on the floor, Alfred snored though, and he snored massively, he and Matthew were tangled in sheets and bedding and whatnot, but they were both still very asleep, and he was gonna wake them up.

It was 8.15 on the dot and Matthew was so damn warm, one of the warmest and most comfy he had ever been in his life, he was still a bit confused on where he was because this was not their rickety old bed but he couldn't care less, and he was hugging Alfred, who was a damn furnace. 

The snoring he had gotten used to, there was nothing he could do about that, and then he was pounced upon, he almost had a heart attack and squirmed in the blanket weakly and poked his face out of it, all sleepy and a little ornery, he had read that in a book once, poked his face out, to see Ludwig, smiling like the damn sun and full of life.

“Mmm, whaddya wan’?”

“Wake up, it's already past 8!”

He made a pitiful little sound and burrowed himself deeply into the covers again “‘S too early, wake me up at 10.”

Ludwig left him alone, Alfred probably also didn’t want to be woken up just yet, he went out and made himself breakfast, toast and eggs, it was good, Papa was still asleep, but there was a blanket on the sofa that usually wasn’t there, the winter blanket that they only took out when it was absolutely freezing. When it hurt to breathe and when it froze his nose, that was when the blanket came out, but now that it was out he wasn’t going to complain, it was warm and soft and he buried himself in it after he had eaten.

He had sat down and started to watch some TV, this was nice and quiet, Matthew finally woke up about 20 minutes later, grumpy and annoyed, he didn't want to wake up for another hour but it was hard to go to sleep properly after someone woke you up like that, Alfred was still asleep and there as the eternal problem of trying to wriggle out of Alfred’s firm grip, but he managed it, leaving him snoring and wrapped in the blanket like a little child.

He went outside and couldn’t find Papa, which was not good, and he started to worry, Ludwig saw sleepiness quickly get replaced by panic and quickly got up to follow him “Matthew. Where are you going?”

“Where’s Papa!”

“Mr Kirkland?” he tilted his head like a curious fox “He’s probably sleeping. Why?”

“He sleeps on the sofa though?”

“Why would he, he is probably sleeping with Papa.”

Matthew still went to go check, quietly creeping into the room to check, and lo and behold, they saw half his head of greying hair poking out of under the blanket while Mr Belichmidt seemed to hug him, see, they were asleep, they were fine, Ludwig tried to drag Matthew out, to let them sleep, but he was just staring. He had rarely seen Papa look so peaceful, warm and happy, that was not something Arthur really was, he was usually tired and a little sick, and didn’t he have to go to work today? He usually had the last shift of Sunday off, not the first shift, did he not have to go to work?

He almost went to go prod Papa awake before Ludwig grabbed him and gave him an odd stare “No. Why. Let him sleep, it's Sunday.”

“But he has to go to work and his boss will get very annoyed with him if he doesn’t go! He’s not very nice, you know.”

“If he didn’t go to work then that probably meant he took the day off, just let him sleep, and you need to eat, wake up Alfred, I’ll make eggs, you like eggs?”

He made a little bit of a face, but decided to listen to Ludwig, he was sensible, maybe he made sense, and to be fair he did need a good amount of sleep, and he needed it desperately, fine, they would leave him alone, eggs would be grand.

Alfred woke up to Matthew practically sitting on him, it was so damn difficult to wake his obstinate ass up, but did eventually manage it at the cost of a bit of a kick to his stomach “Oi, fatass, wake up.”

He was awake but really didn’t want to be, and so he decided to try and hibernate again but Matt was not having it “Come on, wake up! Ludwig is making us eggs, get up.”

He did finally get up, and everyone grumbled horribly, he was all groggy and cranky, he did not like being woken up early, and much like Matthew, one of the first things he asked was whether Arthur had gone to work yet. And when he allegedly hadn’t, Alfred was equally as worried.

Ludwig did not understand their fretting, but he didn’t understand a lot so he tried to avoid asking and just made the eggs, Alfred and Matthew did try to help but he really disliked it if anyone else was in the kitchen at the same time as he was, so that was a dead end.

Alfred was always so damn hungry, a lot of egg and a lot of bread went into him, and Matthew ate only marginally less, and so there they sat, warm and cozy in the massive blanket on the sofa.

This day off was not planned, he had not informed his boss about it and naturally, somebody called. But he was far too asleep to care and did not wake up when his phone rang for the first time, and the second time, the third time Gilbert picked it up, bleary and tired himself, it was like 10.40 in the morning, he could hear the TV on in the next room, the children were probably awake.

“Was ist los?”

The voice on the other end of the line was unrecognisable, and it took him longer than he would have cared to admit to realise that this was Arthur’s phone, not his, who, speaking of, had not followed his attempt to stay on one end of the bed while he stayed on the other, since he was snug under Gilbert's armpit, curled up like a tired little cat, snoring horribly loud, how someone so small managed to sound like a damn jackhammer was beyond him, but he slept deeply, so maybe he simply hadn't noticed.

 He smelled heavily of cigarettes, that was reasonable, he did assume he was a smoker, but god it was strong when it was right under his nose, he also smelled very strongly of coffee, and if tiredness has a smell, he had it.

He finally caught up and finally tried to understand what the person on the other side of the line was saying “I’m sorry, do you know where a Mr Kirkland is?”

“Mhm, yes I do, why?”

“He hasn’t come in for work and hasn’t authorised his leave, so I just wanted to know whether he will be coming in to work today.”

Gilbert looked down at Arthur, asleep and warm in a way that hurt to wake him up from “He won’t be.” He lied, well, not really, it was a half-truth if anything, more than that, he had technically vomited “He’s quite sick today, so he won’t be coming in.” a ¾ truth if you would.

The person on the other side of the line sighed and said “Well. Tell him to get better soon from our end. He has been looking a little sick lately.”

That was probably an understatement, but regardless, the phone cut and Gilbert had to fight the urge to snoop through his phone, there were a couple of missed calls from someone called Aditya, probably a friend of his, but very little otherwise, and put the phone down to preserve his privacy. That was not a nice thing to do, especially after practically coaxing him to stay.

He should probably make sure Ludwig had eaten something, and Alfred and Matthew too, Arthur needed all the rest he could damn get, absolute fool, getting here at an ungodly time of the night, cold as the damn dead, and then trying to leave in such a damn state, idiot didn’t know what was good for him, did he.

He wanted to get out of bed, he really did, but something kept him in it. Probably the thought of leaving someone currently so fragile in bed alone, he knew Mr Kirkland would not like being fussed over like a sickly child, but sometimes the needs and wishes of people were very different, he needed to be fussed over because Gilbert knew damn well Arthur wouldn’t do it to himself.

He dozed off again, and he felt Arthur curl up closer to him, he had hogged all the blanket leaving Arthur exposed, and sleepily chucked it over him when he felt him shaking like a little leaf in the wind, he didn’t bother checking the time but for you, it was a little past midday, the children had been running around in the garden and being overall menaces, as children tended to be.

But finally, Gilbert did manage to wake up, one in the afternoon, he finally looked up and got out of bed, he needed to piss, otherwise he would have hibernated for longer, honestly how did Arthur manage a 9 am shift after getting home at 3, how, that was absolutely insane scheduling, no wonder he was so sick.

The living room was a bit of a mess, children as it were, weren’t exactly the cleanest little things and they were currently sitting in the garden, there were pots and pans in the sink that he had to clean, Ludwig had put a pan he used to fry eggs in the dishwasher and had turned it on, everything in the dishwasher now smelled like egg, dammit, he would have to do another cycle.

Then he had to get the kids to clean up the damn living room, and then to clean up the room that they had been staying in and clean up the floor bed, and get the damn grass out of the carpet, what on earth had they been doing all morning, if he saw Ludwig digging a hole again he would not be particularly pleased, he loved digging holes. Which was generally fine if a bit odd, but doing it in the garden was a big no-no. he had lost count of the number of times he had tripped over a hole or a mound of dirt removed from said hole.

Arthur stumbled out not too much of a while later, looking beyond confused, bedraggled, and a bit like a grouchy cat, stalking out of his warm little den and coming back into the living world, and the first thing he did was squint at the clock and panic, he couldn't read it entirely but knew it was far too late and the sun was down far too low for him to be remotely on time. 

He also had one hell of a headache, pain pooling behind his eyes and refusing to leave, he would love to say that these headaches were rare, but unfortunately he had a headache more often than not, sometimes they were almost debilitating, so much so that he felt more nauseous than usual.

Shit he had to go to work today and he was already beyond late, shit, shit, shit, why didn’t Gilbert wake him up.

He hadn’t yet realised how warm and happy he looked all cuddled up, how would he know?

Gilbert felt almost bad for a second before he forcibly reminded himself of the state he was in last night, he did not need to go to work, what he needed was food and rest, sure, he didn’t exactly know Mr Kirkland very well, but he had a heart, and it genuinely hurt more than he would care to admit to see him in such a sorry state, he was even less likely to admit that it practically angered him to see him in such a state.

He immediately went hunting around for the children, did he not have anything else on his mind other than his children or work, a boring creature, a boring, beyond tired little creature of a man, he needed to stop being so fretful.

That was a good word for him, fretful, it wasn’t a word you would normally hear, but it worked, conjuring up images of some stressed, sickly Victorian mother, he almost amused himself with that thought, a fretful little mother hen, that’s what Arthur was, before he came back to reality, to Arthur apologising.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Apologising, you have done nothing wrong so I do not see why you are saying sorry over and over.”

That, that was admittedly something Arthur had never thought about before, why did people apologise so much for things they didn’t even do, Mr Belichmidt seemed to have rather strong feelings about it, Belichmidt, hmm, that was probably German, he was at least 80 per cent sure he was, and he did have the slightest faintest bit of an accent sometimes, but barely, huh, he had never really thought about how often he said sorry.

Gilbert watched in some kind of satisfaction as he could see what was either Arthur’s sleep-addled mind come to terms with what he just said really slowly, or was seeing a restructuring of his mind, at least in a small amount, Arthur himself didn’t know but would find out soon enough.

“Anyways, thank you Mr Belichmidt, but we really have to get going, it's already very late and I'll have to explain this to my boss, oh god. It is an unauthorised absence. I don’t tend to take those. Plus we have encroached on your hospitality enough, really, thank you.”

“He called early and I told him that you were taking a sick day.” He gave a dismissive wave of the hand “He said it was fine, and even he thought you were looking a little sickly.”

His ears went a faint shade of pink, he would have gone redder had he not been severely anaemic for most of his life, for now, that was the closest thing to a blush you were going to get from him, at least for now.

Arthur seemed to remember something. “Have we ever exchanged phone numbers?”

They had known each other in some respect for at least 5 years now and had never actually exchanged phone numbers, well, better late than never, had they never bothered to do this, usually what happened was they communicated through the children, so maybe that didn’t need to be done, but why not.

Arthur’s phone was an older, cracked thing, but it still worked well enough for Arthur not to splurge on a replacement, Arthur’s phone was a bit slow so it took a while for it to process Gilbert’s phone number, and he shot Arthur a text, an emoticon smiley face “:)” It was only vaguely threatening, now was the business of naming the contact, Arthur flipped between Mr Belichmidt and Gilbert a couple times till he settled on Mr Belichmidt, Gilbert didn’t much like that, it made him sound old, he was doing the same for Arthur though.

Professional, they were more professional than as friends, at least for now. Acquaintances at best.

No comment on how they had literally been cuddling less than 20 minutes ago.

Arthur jokingly sent back a sad emoticon “:(“ and Gilbert grinned a bit, he had oddly sharp teeth and sent something that didn’t really have a name, and it took him forever to type it “(▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) What on earth was that?

It was such an odd little face that Arthur let out a little laugh because of just how absurd that was, all of a sudden Mr Belichmidt’s smile looked goofy, like a smiling child. Less serious, Arthur would not admit how nice he looked at that moment.

Alfred and Matt rushed inside, with their muddy ass shoes on, earning a reprimand from Gilbert for tracking mud all across the carpet, Ludwig took off his shoes before coming inside out of a fear instilled by his dad getting annoyed every single time.

Alfred looked at Arthur oddly “Weren’t you supposed to go to work today Papa?”

“I was, but I called in sick.” Well, Gilbert had called in sick for him, but this was not the time to be pedantic.

Matthew also looked at him, oddly searching for a child his age, before they finally softened “So that means you have the whole day off?” He sounded so dreadfully hopeful.

“Yes, I do, but that does mean you need to study now, young man, you’ve played enough today.”

How quickly the excitement left their eyes was almost funny, not to them, they didn’t find the idea of doing Maths and English and science and whatnot till they were left all tired and drained and angry, they didn’t want to do that, but what choice did they really have.

They bid Ludwig a farewell, as well as Mr Belichmidt, whose mind seemed to be someplace else completely, probably something boring.

The walk home was admittedly rather nice, the weather was nice and chilly, the boys had their jackets on and everything seemed to be fine, they were dreading studying, Arthur only saw the world in a washed-out grey, his surprise when he saw the sky a brilliant blue, a cold blue, but a brilliant one, was strange, since when had the sky been so pretty?

Regardless, they went home, it was winter so it was cold and there wasn’t all that much colour anyway, the stairs up to the third-floor flat were old and rickety and there was black mould on the walls, peeling paint and the general smell of death and decay, Arthur always told the children to try and breathe as little as possible when climbing the stairs, not the safest thing to be breathing in.

Which was hard when climbing 6 flights of stairs, Arthur already had weak lungs, and Matthew was a bit asthmatic, he had only started to develop it recently, 2 or so years ago, he still hadn’t gotten a doctor's appointment for that, he really should. 

The place was damp and mouldy and he needed an inhaler for his safety, when Matthew started to cough horribly most of the way up, he reminded himself that he desperately needed to call the GP to get an appointment for him. Alfred was the only one with good lungs, Arthur and Matthew had fallen quite far behind, and he waited for them after climbing the stairs because Arthur had the keys.

Waiting impatiently as he heard Arthur practically cough up a lung going up the stairs and saw Matt wasn’t doing too bad, he was just trying not to breathe very much, and if he did need to be breathing then he breathed through his shirt so he wouldn’t breathe in the mould, smart lad.

Arthur didn’t smoke around them, not at all, if he needed to smoke he would go into the balcony to do it or go outside, the flat could not handle any more musty smells, and it would stick into the furniture and the walls and he did not want a constant reminder of his bad habits and vices.

He had been smoking for a very very long time. He started at 14, which for the area he grew up in was rather late, he knew people smoking before they hit double digits, he wouldn’t let Matthew or Alfred smoke till they were like 20 and had their life together. Or at all really, it would not be good for Matt.

Alfred yelled down the stairwell, Matthew grumbled like a storm cloud and Arthur tiredly yelled back that he was coming, and after an almost excruciating few minutes, he finally rounded the corner, he gave Alfred the key because the kid was getting impatient to go back home, him and Matthew sprinted to their flat, Alfred won, and Matthew was huffing and wheezing not too far behind him, Arthur had a coughing fit so hard he had to bend over and desperately needed water.

The lock was sticky so it needed a bit of elbow grease to push through, but it worked, Alfred rammed into the door and it opened, and enveloped them in the slightly dank smell of their flat.

Arthur got them to change, their clothes were a bit dirty from yesterday, it was the same clothes they had been climbing trees with after all, his were fine, they were full and now it was time to study, as much as they all loathed it.

Arthur had to steel himself for the inevitable shouting match that occurred, he hated that it always boiled down to that, an angry Alfred storming into the room and barring himself in, and Matthew looking like he saw a ghost, he didn’t want to, he really didn't want to, he hated how short his patience was, he hated how irritable he was, he hated how much he sometimes resented his children even as he damn well knew none of this was their fault, this was his fault, his alone.

He hated that the most, he hated a lot of things but he hated most how he blamed Alfred and Matthew for things they were too small to even remember to have happened.

He steeled himself, today, he would not shout, he swore, he would not shout. He swore on a God he wasn’t sure he really believed in, but he swore, he would not.

To his very mild credit, he did last longer than he normally did, he had gone out for a smoke halfway through after trying to explain to Alfred how to properly link sentences with connectives and commas for the umpteenth time, for his sanity, the air felt nice on his face and the smoke filled his lungs, in, out, he would not lose his temper.

He did eventually lose his patience but at Matthew instead of Alfred. He rarely lost his temper at Matt, he was a lot more well-behaved and a lot less abrasive, a whole lot less like Arthur himself. Maybe that’s why he and Alfred clashed, Alfred was everything Arthur could have been, and he hated it.

That was just an idea though.

But this time he ended up yelling at Matt, maths was never Arthur’s strong suit, and it frustrated him to no end to begin with, and trying to teach it to an uncooperative, tired Matt was hard.

Matt had been eternally tired for a very long time though, always been tired and never understood how other children had so much energy, he always felt too heavy and too light at the same time, floating and sinking at once, he just wanted to sleep, he could sleep for a very long time if he was allowed to do so. The only time he managed to amass a small amount of energy was for hockey and when he was playing with Alfred and Ludwig, but otherwise he was exhausted, soft and grey.

Head of wool and eyes of steel, he didn’t have the energy to study.

He understood why Alfred hated being yelled at, he had seen it often secondhand, too often if anything, but it was always different when he was on the receiving end. He knew Papa was tired and stressed and sick, as he had always been, but it didn’t stop him from going pale as Arthur tore his throat out berating him.

Going pale, then grey, then starting to shake.

Arthur felt sick, he was a horrible parent, Matthew was shaking and ill, Alfred had a face on that couldn’t be described as anything other than pity, pity for Matt, Alfred had been in this situation too many times to count.

Alfred left his stuff where it was and fled with Matthew to the room, Matthew had his palms in his eyes, digging them in till he could see things in his eyes till he calmed down, pressure on the optic nerve, Alfred got a glimpse of Arthur before he closed the door.

Angry.

It wasn’t hard to tell that it wasn’t at them though, he rarely ever was. Always a hot flash of anger before the the clouds rolled back in, making him feel desolate.

Why did he never learn, why?

Heavy breaths, heavier coughs.

On autopilot, he cleaned the boys’ study stuff up, put it in the designated rather cramped drawer, sat down, head in arms, and shut down.

Matthew had shut down too, fallen asleep on Alfred’s shoulder after his eyes dried and he stopped wanting to vomit, he hated himself for making Papa yell at him, he wasn’t perfect, and he hated it.

Alfred creeped out half an hour later to see what Papa was doing, he was asleep, clearly, bent at the table at all right angles. He let him stay there, it was for the best. He should stay there.

He knew he never meant what he said, never meant the foul words he spat at them, but they still cut, and Matthew was softer than Alfred had grown to be, when will they learn, when will Papa be happy, when will they stop being so tired, when will they move out of this flat, when will everything get better.

 When. When. When.

So many questions. Alfred hated he didn't have the answers.