#i'll find all of this a lot more interesting

[auraisereigh]

"For Her, Always"

oneshot

Garrick Tavis x Riorson reader Request: Garrick x riorson little sister (she is a 2 year with Bohdi they are bff) they fell in love when they were little and now she is a rider but they hide what they feel to not upset Xaden, but the some guy flirts with her and we get MAD JELOUS Garrick and he hurts the guy on challenges, Xaden notices and they have a talk so then reader and Garrick can be together (Love confession Bridgerton style) wc: 6.8 ☆ no specific spoilers. Uses pronouns: she/her.

Masterlist ☆ Dragon guide ☆ Star's story ☆ Empyrean guide ☆ Support me

If there was one thing about Garrick Travis then it was that he was attractive, always had been- even when he was younger. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel something for him. And maybe, just maybe, I would have said something by now if it wasn't for the fact that he's best friends with my brother.

Xaden.

He has enough on his mind. Adding to that is the last thing on my mind. Even if that means I'll have to keep my feelings to myself. Even if that means my heart will keep yearning for what I can't have. At least I can still stare at him. From a distance, in the practice room. It's better than nothing I suppose.

"You're staring." Bodhi muzes next to me. I shoot a small glare his way as I continue to wrap my hands for sparring. "Am not." I respond tense.

Second year is more difficult and stressfull than it seemed. RSC hanging over my head. Xaden has done his part in preparing me but that didn't make it less terrifying and seeing as it's unpredictable when leadership would come and get us, well, that just makes it worse.

Not that I have seen a lot of Xaden lately, he's been occupied with a certain Sorrengail.

That thought brings me back to where I am. Xaden is training the youngest Sorrengail on one of the mats in the corners, Garrick not far away from them as he practices with his sword.

And I'd hate to admit it but I am staring.

After I finish wrapping my hands I stand and pick up my daggers. They had always been my preferred weapon. Light but easy to use.

I go through my usual warm up routine. Swinging them around. It's all going smoothly until I hear a voice call out. "Looking good, beautiful."

I glance toward the voice, only to find Oren—the overconfident third-year with a cocky grin plastered on his face—walking toward me. He’s twirling his sword as if to show off, his steps relaxed.

“Your technique’s good, but I think you’re missing something,” he says, a smirk on his face.

I raise an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. “And what would that be?” He shrugs, a look of mischief appears in his eyes. “A partner. You know, someone to make things more… interesting.” He takes a step closer, lowering his voice. “Maybe someone who can keep up with you.”

I roll my eyes and focus back on my daggers, spinning one lazily between my fingers. “I’m perfectly fine. Thanks though.” I reply sarcastic, focusing back on my daggers. In the corner of my eye i catch Garrick's gaze.

But Oren doesn’t back down. “Come on, beautiful. You’ve got moves, but I bet I could teach you a thing or two. Maybe over a Meal?” His grin widens. I shake off the shiver that runs through my spine. An uncomfortable look on my face.

"Back off Oren." Bodhi's voice cuts through the tension. "She's already got someone to spar with." Bodhi's voice is on the cold side, almost as sharp as my brother Xaden's.

I give Bodhi a grateful smile as Oren retreats a step, his hands up in surrender. The smirk on his face is still present and I can tell he's not finished. For now maybe. But not forever.

♤

I stand by the surrounding crowd. All our eyes are on the mat, at the fight that is happening. It's a good match-- the matches before this one were a little meh but this one is actually good, we might be onto something.

The match ends after the second year taps out. From the corner of my eye I can see Garrick talking to Emmeterio. Why would he talk to him?

"Next match. Seifert and Travis." Emmeterio announces and my heart jumpes in my throat. That can't be a coincidence can it? Garrick against Oren not even a day after the small incident in the sparring room.

I can feel Xaden's eyes on me but I don't turn to face him. My eyes are solely on Garrick as he takes his place on the mat. His face holds the sole emotion of anger.

Oren charges first but Garrick side steps him, around his attack. Oren tries again but Garrick takes a hold of his arm, twisting it and Oren let's out a groan.

I can see Garrick say something to Oren but it's too quiet for me to hear. Garrick starts twisting his arm at an unnatural angle. He puts his leg between Oren's and he falls backwards on the mat. I knew Garrick was a good fighter but he's really good.

Garrick easily straddles Oren, a dagger at his throat and I wouldn't wish the look upon Garricks face to anyone. Not even my worst enemy.

He moves his dagger slightly, enough to draw blood but not enough to seriously injure him. I hold my breath at the sight. There is no way Garrick would actually kill him right?

He presses the blad harder against Oren's neck. I hear the familiar tap against the mat, he taps out. I let out the breath I'd been holding, Garrick slowly gets off him. He takes a step backwards, his dagger still in his hand.

I also take a step back, most people in this room night not know what this means but some do. I can feel bodhi's and Xaden's eyes in my back, burning holes.

I can see Xaden follow Garrick out of the sparring room and I don't hesitate to follow. I follow them quietly until they stop in a dark alley.

"What was that supposed to mean?" Xaden snaps at Garrick. His voice full of authority. I stay hidden behind the wall.

"He was flirting with her last night." I hear Garrick argue, frustration laced in his tone. "I'm aware of that. I saw it to but she can defend herself." Xaden voice grows bored.

"You're telling me you don't care that an asshole was flirting with your sister?" The frustration in his voice grows harsher.

“Of course I care,” Xaden snaps. “But I trust her to handle it. You, however, handled it as though you were issuing a challenge. That’s not protecting her—it’s claiming her.”

Garrick falls silent for a moment, his heavy breathing the only sound in the alley. “Maybe I am,” he says quietly, his voice carrying a weight I’ve never heard before. My breath catches in my throat.

“You don’t get to do that unless you’re willing to back it up,” Xaden warns, his tone razor-sharp. “You don’t get to make her your responsibility unless she’s choosing you. So tell me, Garrick, what exactly are your intentions?”

There’s a long pause before Garrick speaks, but when he does, his voice is steady. “My intentions are to love her. To protect her. To be the one she can turn to for the rest of her life. If that’s claiming her, so be it. I’ve loved her for longer than I care to admit, and I’m done hiding it.”

I press my hand to my mouth, trying to contain the gasp that threatens to escape. Did he just say…?

“And what about her?” Xaden challenges. “Have you even thought about what she wants? Or is this just about you?”

“It’s about her,” Garrick snaps back. “It’s always been about her.” “Then maybe you should say something to her instead of throwing daggers at every man who looks her way,” Xaden retorts. “Because this whole display? It’s not going to win her over. Talk to her. And for both your sakes, stop making me the middleman.”

I hear footsteps retreating, the sound of Xaden walking away. My heart pounds as I realize I’m now alone with Garrick, hidden just around the corner.

I take a shaky breath, stepping out of the shadows. “You could’ve just asked me,” I say softly.

Garrick whirls around, his eyes wide with shock. “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough,” I admit, stepping closer. “Is it true? What you said?”

He looks away, running a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter—” “It does matter,” I cut him off, my voice trembling. “Because I’ve spent so long trying to convince myself that what I feel for you is one-sided. That you could never see me as anything more than Xaden’s little sister. And now you’re telling me that you… that you’ve felt the same way?”

His gaze snaps to mine, his expression a mix of hope and disbelief. “You… you feel the same?”

I nod, my chest tightening as the words spill out. “I’ve been in love with you for years, Garrick. But I thought you’d never… I thought it wasn’t possible.”

He takes a step toward me, his hand reaching out to cup my cheek. “You have no idea how hard it’s been, keeping my distance. Watching you with Oren last night, I just… I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“And today?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “On the mat?” “I wanted him to know,” he admits, his thumb brushing against my skin. “That you’re not just some girl to flirt with. That you’re… everything to me.”

I can’t help the tears that well in my eyes as I lean into his touch. “Then stop keeping your distance,” I whisper. “I’m right here.”

He doesn’t hesitate. His lips find mine in a kiss that’s both fierce and tender, years of longing and unspoken words pouring into that one moment. His arms wrap around me, pulling me close, and for the first time, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

When we finally pull apart, his forehead rests against mine, his breath warm against my skin. “You’re my everything,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

I smile, my heart lighter than it’s ever been. “You’ve already done enough,” I whisper. “But I wouldn’t mind seeing you try.”

♤

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | twelve.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.8k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, lotsa talk goin around, mostly focused on namjoon lol, i'ma tell yall rn - cant trust nobody!!, everyone is just onto san x oc but for the wrong asssss reasons, joon loves his 'yes or no' questions lmao, again - i promise you there is no ill intentions behind namjoon's actions - he is trying to see both sides but he has to do what he needs to do as a department chair first & foremost!! pls understand my guy.. he had to think quick!

Today, it feels like everyone is staring at you.

Today, it feels like everyone knows, and everyone is projecting their assumptions about you and San out into the world.

"You okay?" Eunchae looks down at you as you walk and avoid contact, keeping your eyes down on your feet below or your phone. "You're awfully quiet today." Maybe word hasn't gotten to Eunchae, Jurin or Felix yet, but you know it'll eventually make its way over.

Or, maybe they have heard and they're just waiting for you.

All you know is that you wanna hide under your blankets to prevent all this overthinking, this anxiety from feeling like everyone is watching you.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You sure? I'm all ears, you know."

"Mhm." You give her a small reassuring smile as you tug on your bag. "Thank you."

"Course."

"Have you heard from Jiung today?" You ask. You haven't really talked to Jiung since your fight at the happy hour event, and he hasn't done much to talk to you either. It's a bit awkward, but whenever you and your friends are all together, you try to keep the peace and act like nothing is wrong. You do hope he's okay, and you do hope to have your bestfriend back— but you're still upset at the fact that he jumped to conclusions about San and accused him of forcing you into this.

"No. But, he did say he probably wasn't gonna grab lunch cause he needs to take care of some things."

"I see."

"I'll see you for lunch though, right?" You nod, just as the Biology building comes into view. "Goodluck with class today." 

"Thanks." You squeeze her hand before heading inside for class. Luckily, Yunho said he wouldn't be able to join class today. You weren't really in the mood to deal with him, and you're more so worried about getting through class in one piece before your mind tears you apart with all this overthinking. 

"Morning Y/N!" A student already sitting in the classroom says. You're instantly comforted as you greet them back and start getting set up at the front of the classroom. But, that instantly goes down the drain when two more students walk in together— eyeing you as they pass the front table before talking amongst each other.

Fuck.

You haven't heard from San either.

The world truly felt like it was swallowing you whole.

—FLASHBACK

"Hey! I'm back." You smile at Sunwoo as you place your things down at your desk. It instantly fades when you get a chance to look around the basement office, a few of your lab members talking amongst themselves while looking in your direction. You slightly furrow your brows, wondering what exactly they were talking about or why they felt the need to be doing all of that in your face.

Was everyone in on you and San?

Is this what everything has come to?

"Hey you!" Sunwoo looks up, noticing the shift in your mood. He turns to look at everyone, shaking his head before returning his attention towards you. At this point, everyone has returned to their desks or left the room to head into the behavior or wet lab rooms. "You good?"

"Hm." You hum. "I guess."

"You guess? How was the conference?"

"Good! It was chill. Jotted down a few presentations I wanted to share with you and Belle. Is she around?" He shakes his head.

"Haven't seen her."

"Hm, okay."

"You can tell me, I'm all ears." You look at your watch.

"I gotta run behavior soon."

"So, let's grab something quick to eat before you run behavior?"

"I'm down. Kinda starving anyway."

"Yeah, let's get something in you. You won't be able to focus otherwise." He stands and stretches before nodding towards the door. "So, what was the most interesting?" You follow behind him with your wallet clutched in hand, lingering eyes watching as you leave with Sunwoo.

"Maybe she's trying to get around the lab?" You overhear one of the guys say just as you walk out of the room with Sunwoo, pausing in your steps.

"Sunwoo."

"Huh?"

"Actually, you know what. I think I can hang on until dinner. I should get started on behavior. We can talk about this another time."

"Huh? No, let's get something really quick."

"You can go ahead without me. Sorry. I just realized I'm more strapped on time than I thought I was."

"Okay? But, I'm grabbing you a snack and you better eat it." He slowly starts walking backwards down the basement hallway, glaring at you.

"Thank you." Sunwoo watches as your head falls when you walk back into the basement office. Truth be told, he's been hearing the talk go around, but he's not one to meddle— especially if it has something to do with his good friends. He'll always be on your side, regardless of what people say or think.

And he feels awful it's starting to be more obvious around you. The talk. The looks.

He wishes he could do more as your friend to help keep it away from you.

—END

Namjoon is already having a rough start to his day despite it being one of the lighter days meeting-wise. He was woken up to an urgent, sensitive email from the dean about an anonymous tip that came in overnight about San:

Namjoon— Please get to the bottom of this; we received this tip last night about San and his student.  'Hi. I'm not sure who to direct this concern to anonymously, but I believe Y/N Y/L/N and Professor Choi (San) are in an inappropriate relationship. I think she might be using it to her advantage to move forward in the program and secure her spot in his lab.' I'd like to resolve this before the end of the week. This should not be taken lightly if this is true...

And the thing is— he's just frustrated that this has been taking up this time lately. He hasn't even gotten his own time to think properly. He could only sigh in disappointment as he got ready for his day, unsure of what else it could bring him. 

He should've known the storm was coming.

Iseul tugs on her jacket as she heads over to the Panama Building, the wind cooling her cheeks as she made sure to clear her hour for this particular meeting. Most students are in class right now, so the halls are quiet, still. Iseul takes the elevator up to the second floor and steps out, rushing down towards the left end of the hall.

"Namjoon." Namjoon turns over his shoulder to see Iseul. His door is wide open since he doesn't have any important meetings for awhile, and he always tries to foster a welcoming environment by letting students [and faculty] know they're always welcome to pop in if they need him.

He did not mean her though, especially today.

"Iseul."

"Can we talk?" Namjoon quickly sizes her, realizing she's already inside his office. He doesn't necessarily have a choice, but he knows this talk was gonna happen sooner or later.

He knows Iseul always has something to say.

"You're already in my office so I don't think there's necessarily a choice." He says it in a slightly playful manner just so he doesn't come off entirely rude. "What's on your mind?" Iseul shuts the door and crosses her arms before looking at him. Namjoon sits on the edge of his desk, hands loosely clasped together.

"I think you might already know." He shrugs.

"Enlighten me."

"San."

"What about him?"

"Can you let him know how dangerous it is to be dating his rotation student? He's being stupid."

"He's a grown man."

"And you're the chair."

"Thanks for the reminder." He furrows his brows. "Respectfully Iseul, this is not a discussion for you, that's why I'm not trying to indulge."

"How is this not? He's putting his reputation on the line, along with the school's. Including yours—"

"I don't see where you're involved. You don't have anything to do with him directly or the bioengineering department." He crosses his arms and stands. "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, but this wasn't your place to do so. I'll handle it and I'll take care of it, so you don't need to worry." Namjoon glares at her a bit. 

"You're being so casual about something pretty severe." Namjoon pauses as he maintains his eye contact with her. She wants him to shrink and fold, but he won't.

"I think we both know that's not the reason why you're bringing this up." Her brows are knit tightly as they sit in an awkward, tense pause. "Aren't you tired of treating San this way? Why exactly do you feel so strongly about calling him out?"

"I'm not even doing anything to him—"

"You're right, you're not. You don't respect him, you don't acknowledge him, you don't know how to be civil with him. Yet, you don't see me calling you out on your behavior towards your ex-husband who has done nothing but try and keep the peace. I only ever hear San's name come out of your mouth when you've got something bad to say about him." She glares at him. As much as Namjoon equally tries to be there for all of the faculty and to not choose sides, one thing that can surely piss him off is when people act this way unwarranted.

So no, he won't sit back if he feels the hostility. He understands the severity of the situation and he has yet to gather his thoughts and his information, but he won't take this.

"So, you're gonna let this go? Do you even actually understand the situation, Namjoon? If you won't take care of it, I'll have no choice but to escalate this to the dean."

"I do, plenty. You don't have to tell me twice or how to do my job, Iseul." He walks over to the door. "I already said I'll take care of it. On my own terms and in my own way. Not the way you want me to." He places a hand on his hip. "And what makes you think we haven't already discussed this?"

"Fine. If that girl ruins everything for the school—"

"She won't." Namjoon cuts her off just as he swings the door open. "This will be taken care of, end of story. Is there anything else I can help you with that doesn't involve San and his personal matters?"

"No." She huffs a bit before walking out of the room. At this point, Jiung is cutting the corner and almost running into Iseul as he makes his way to Namjoon's office. Jiung does a curt bow to Iseul as she storms by, heels clicking away on the linoleum floor. Her feet are heavy, Jiung feels every step even as she gets further and further away.

"Oh, Jiung. Nice to see a friendly face." Namjoon lets out a breath and gives him a toothless smile. 

"Professor Kim." Jiung gives him a bow. "Are you free right now?"

"Mhm." He steps aside. "Just finished with Professor Lee. Come on in." He welcomes him inside, a bit relieved to see his face and to be welcomed by his gentle aura. It's nothing like Iseul and he's grateful; although, it does make him a little nervous to see Jiung in his office when he doesn't necessarily belong to the department. 

And just like Iseul, the buzz around campus, everything that's been going down— Namjoon already feels like he knows what this is about.

The only thing he can do is confront it and take care of it just like he told Iseul he'd do. But, how? He's not sure. He's gonna have to take the time today to sit San down and poke at his brain because he's just not understanding how all of this went down and why his name and your name are being tossed around together.

Maybe he just didn't wanna believe it was true; not with San, no. He couldn't. Both as his friend and colleague.

"What can I help with? I'm a little surprised you're popping into my office since you're in the electrical engineering department."

"Ah, cause.." Jiung slowly sits in the chair and sets his bag down. "It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me." Namjoon cocks his head to the side.

"Okay, no worries. I'm all ears."

"I-I don't really know how to say this, but I'm mainly concerned about a friend. She's in the bioengineering department."

"I think I might know what you're talking about." Namjoon says, giving Jiung a nod to proceed with his explanation.

"Yeah, it's that. I feel like Professor Choi might have forced her into it, though. It just seems really out of character for Y/N, and I don't know. I guess it just feels like he might have said something or tried to take advantage of her."

"I understand your concern for your friend, but can you let me know why you think Professor Choi is taking advantage of her or forcing her into this?"

"I just.. it just seems off, is all."

"But, what if this is also Y/N's choice?"

"It's not like her."

"I'm not saying you don't know your friend, Jiung. But, there are things people are fully capable of doing that can come off as unexpected from your point of view."

"I talked to her after the whole happy hour thing went down and I found Professor Choi kinda cornering her against the wall. She didn't look scared or anything, but she did get defensive while I was talking to her and asking her about it."

"I see." Is all Namjoon says because one, he just doesn't know. Just like he told Jiung, there are probably things he doesn't know San is capable of doing. He needs to talk to him and that's the only way he'll get the proper story. The only way to get to the bottom of it is finally confronting San about the issue at hand. 

Face to face.

To be honest, he's been putting off the conversation because it's not a conversation he wants to have. It's not easy, nor will the decision at the end be something he wants to do— but he has to.

"I'm sorry, Professor Kim. I don't mean to add to your plate, but I got worried."

"Is Y/N doing okay otherwise?" He nods.

"Think so. She hasn't been saying much. We got into a fight after I confronted her so we haven't been talking."

"Sorry to hear that. I'm sure things will smooth over sooner or later." Namjoon says. "Is there anything else you'd like to let me know?"

"No, that's all. I'm sorry I don't have much details, I'm just worried about her."

"All good, I understand. I'm sure she appreciates it, too. She's lucky to have a friend like you by her side."

"Thanks, Professor Kim. For hearing me out."

"Sure. I'll take care of it and see what I can do, okay?" Jiung nods and stands, slipping his bag strap over his shoulder.

"Can we keep this between us? Please don't mention that I stopped by."

"Of course." Namjoon says softly as he stands to walk him to the dior. "Of course." He repeats.

"Thanks."

"I just can't promise you I'll have any updates cause it'll be pretty confidential moving forward."

"It's fine. I get it." Jiung stops right before he steps out the door. "Thank you again."

"No problem. You know how to reach me if you have any other concerns." Jiung nods before slipping through the door and taking his exit. Namjoon exhales heavily before pulling out his phone to text the person he needs—

namjoon: can we talk in my office? i'd rather much do this today, not later. 

namjoon: i'm free for the next hour and half.

san: yeah. i'll be there in 15 minutes.

namjoon: thanks.

He sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tries to gather his thoughts. It's the hardest thing to approach this as a colleague rather than a friend because as a friend, Namjoon would let this go. He knows San deserves to be happy, and it sounds like he is. That's all he's ever wanted for him especially after all the hurt and pain he had gone through with Iseul and Yunho. But as a colleague, his 'higher-up' even, it's wrong. San's happiness is wrong because it's with his student. A student who is a grown adult who can make decisions for themselves. It's wrong.

So, what does he do?

He feels a migraine coming on, so he tries to busy himself with some emails, making sure deadlines and reports have been submitted. Luckily, the dean is giving him some time and isn't pressing him for answers right this second even though he knows it's on his mind. If he was, Namjoon wasn't sure what he'd say.

He's not sure how he'll get San out of this.

"Yo." San appears in his office, softly shutting the door behind him. 

"Take a seat." San immediately picks up on the vibe in the room and how stressed Namjoon looks. He knows they still need to talk about things, but something tells San it's become much deeper than that and he's not prepared for it whatsoever. No matter how hard he tried to prepare, there's no proper way to be fully prepared.

"You okay?"

"Honestly, I don't know." He sits back a bit, hands clasped on the surface of the table. "But, I'm just gonna get right to it because I think this is way overdue."

"Okay." San manages to respond softly.

"We need to talk about what happened at the happy hour event the other day, plus that whole thing with Iseul and Yunho." Namjoon pauses before he cuts to the chase. "San, why do I keep getting wind of you being in a relationship with your rotation student?" Silence. "Y/N, to be exact." He looks at him. "Is that what the whole happy hour thing was about? Is that what you three were discussing in the conference room yesterday?" He sighs. "I was try to push this off a little longer until I could figure out how to get you out of this, but word keeps going around and it definitely didn't help that you three had a screaming match about it." San sighs heavily as he sinks into the chair.

"Well, as far as I know, I wasn't planning on discussing my personal matters with Yunho and Iseul. They trapped me into the fucking—"

"San." Namjoon stops him. "Is it a yes or no?" Pause. San just looks at Namjoon and it's enough for him to put the final piece together. Everything had been about you from the get-go, but San still won't say it. He's doing everything to protect you, but this might be it; there's no way he can lie to Namjoon about this, or hide this from him any longer.

It's far too late for that.

"San." He repeats. "This is not the time to try and lie to me. I had two people talk to me about it and an anonymous tip came in that was sent my way."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter." Namjoon furrows his brows and lets out a heavy exhale. "I need the truth from you. Now." The exasperated sigh that leaves San's lips is full of emotions; fear, anxiety, protectiveness, even.

"I'm sorry." Is all San can respond with. It comes out low, barely above a whisper.

"Why?" Namjoon cocks his head to the side, hands on his hips. "Why? I just wanna know why!" His voice is harsh, but he keeps his tone low. "A student, your student? It's damn near everywhere, you know that, right? I don't know how I'm gonna fix this for you, but you know they'll take action against her and probably you—"

"Namjoon, please." San pleads. "Please don't do this to her. Don't take her out of the program. Do whatever you need to me, but don't take it out on her."

"San." Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out an exasperated sigh. "You should've known better." He looks at him, but San can't even respond. All he can do is shrug and shake his head because he did know better, he just didn't wanna do better and chose to be selfish. "I need to figure this out before end of the day and report back to the dean. I can't force you to act a certain way or do things you don't wanna do. But, for this reason in particular, I'm gonna need you two to stop. You're not interacting with her on campus, you're not going to be involved in anything having to do with her moving forward." Namjoon shakes his head. "You both couldn't wait until graduation or something? I know it's years ahead but you know how this looks—"

"I— no. Things just happened. That's really the only way I can explain it. I'm sorry. The hell am I supposed to do? I can't help but feel how I feel for her." Namjoon sighs heavily, feeling torn between wanting his friend to be happy, but concerned and disappointed for his colleague.

"That isn't gonna fly. You knew better than to get involved with a student in your lab. You can't just risk everything you've built for yourself, San. You have no idea how much trouble you could get into if the school finds out just exactly how deep your relationship has gotten with her— let alone, your own rotation student!" His tone slight rises, but it falls when he sees San visibly shrink and lose eye contact with him. He paces around for a bit, hands still on his hips as he tries to figure out a way to brush this over before it gets way too messy and complicated. "I get you. I do. You deserve to be happy, and who the hell am I to police your actions? But, I can't have you do this to yourself or her. The both of you are grown so I expected you to do better."

"So, what's gonna happen?"

"Well, I'll need to let them know this isn't true and that you two aren't in a relationship. I'll have to remove her from your lab and I'll need to figure out where I can place her or what I can do for her." 

"They won't kick her out, right?"

"Honestly, I can't even be sure. I don't think so, but you two will definitely not be allowed to be near or around each other." Namjoon looks at him. "Are you not even worried about yourself?"

"No, I'm not."

"She's worth it to you?"

"More than anything." San says softly. "Look, it's cliché but you really don't understand." Namjoon shrugs.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I don't wanna take your happiness away, San. Believe me. That's the last thing I wanna do and this is already difficult as is. But, it just had to be her?"

"It did, yeah. And there's nothing I regret about it." Another small silence falls between them before Joon speaks up again.

"Do you get where people are taking this?"

"No, quite frankly, I don't."

"Favoritism, like you two are taking advantage of each other for benefits. It's becoming so noticeable that people are talking."

"You and I both know how great of a student she is. If she's received opportunities, it's because she earned them herself, not because of me."

"That's not how it looks. And perception matters. You know this. Relationships like this are literally a ticking time bomb for your career, the bioengineering department." He's gonna use the excuse that Iseul pulled because for him, as department chair, as someone who needs to keep the glue together for this department, it's true. 

"I don't even see how we're doing anything wrong when we're both adults. She and I both know what this is—"

"That doesn't matter in this situation. There's a power dynamic here you can't ignore. Even if this is real, you hold her future in your hands. Do you understand?" Joon exhales, brows tightly knit together. "What about her fate in this whole situation? Do you care about that?"

"Of course I do. I care about her more than anything." San responds almost exasperatedly.

"Do you love her?"

"If I say yes?"

"Then, tell me. If you had to choose between your relationship or keeping her here, then what?" San sighs and runs his hand down his face. "Think about it. You deserve to be happy, but that girl also deserves a chance to keep going."

"Why can't we just keep it on the low, why do I have to choose? W-we can be more careful—"

"San, don't be stupid. I'm sure 'being careful' is how this all started, right?" Silence. "You know people are going to find out one way or another. It won't matter how real this is to you, to the both of you. She'll be branded as the professor's pet. Is that what you want for her? And you'll lose everything—your job, your reputation, ability to work at other institutions. Plus, the dean is still thinking about your program with Jongho and the real estate. This is going to trickle onto Jongho, too."

"No, of course not. And I don't want Jongho to take a fall because of me. But.." San sighs, his heart breaking the more this conversation goes on. He wasn't prepared to be here today, no. And he wasn't prepared for his mind to start thinking otherwise about your relationship, you. He was always sure of you, but now he's starting to feel like he's been too selfish;

Neglected you and your future plans. Your dreams, your goals.

"You're asking me to break this off. To break off my relationship with someone I truly care about and someone that genuinely makes me happy. Something I haven't felt in a long time."

"I'm sorry, San. I already told you how difficult this is, and it's not my intention to take your happiness away. I just need to protect you two from everyone, especially the dean. Please understand me and hear me. I'm asking you to protect her this way. If anything happens, it'll be the both of you going down and you know she doesn't deserve that either. "

"And If I don't do this?" San asks just to put the question out there.

"Then, can you call it love? Or is it just you being selfish?" San leans onto his knees, head falling into his hands. "I'm trying to come from a good place. Help me help you." He feels a headache coming on, thoughts running at a thousand miles per hour. He hates the thought of losing you; it makes him sick to his stomach. But, he can't even lie and say there isn't a piece of truth behind Namjoon's words. 

Can San really say he loves you if he isn't doing the right thing for you? Is he being too selfish, assuming he could keep this on the low? Assuming he could be 'more' careful with you?

Is he selfish for wanting you by his side no matter what? Is he selfish for saying fuck it?

Is he selfish?

The last thing he wants to do is ruin your career, ruin you. Even if this will hurt like hell, he understands where Namjoon is coming from and knows he needs to put you first.

He's so conflicted. He has no idea what to do or how to move forward. Because as much as he knows he needs to do this for you and the sake of Namjoon, he doesn't want to.

He is scared.

"I need to head back to my office." San sighs and stands, but Namjoon follows closely.

"I don't have much time. I need to let them know that something is gonna be done and I need to prove it to them. You do hear me, right?"

"I do. I just.. give me a little bit of time to think, Joon. Please." Namjoon just nods, meeting San's expression. He feels bad, he really does. And as his friend, this isn't something he wants to do— but he has to. He could easily tell San to keep this on the low, to keep this a secret until things blow over but at some point, he doesn't trust himself to continue along with the story had anyone asked about it out of the blue.

Namjoon watches as San sadly walks off back to his office, eyes trained on the phone in his hand. San sees your texts, and usually, that'll be enough to put a smile on his face. He'll text back right away so you know he's been thinking about you; but today, he's thinking about you in a different light and he's not sure how to stomach it.

When he gets back to his office, he sees a few people from the lab lingering around— even you. You meet his eyes and his eyes meet yours, but he doesn't give you a smile.

His eyes don't glow like they used to.

His cheeks aren't threatening to glow that cute, rosy tint they do when you're around.

He just steps in without doing anything to acknowledge your presence and that already feels way off.

you: 😞 you didn't even look my way when you walked back into the office and i haven't heard from you all day.

you: i hate how all my papers and presentations are due this week. plus ppl have been weird, idk. i just wanna cuddle 😭

san: i'm sorry. it's just been a day.

you: that's never stopped you before... ☹️ what's wrong, san?

san: we should talk, baby.

—read 12.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

[littlefireball]

Heyy congrats for 500!!🎊🎉

So for your event, can you do san+e2l+werewolf au+smut please?? Thank you in advence 💜

ᴄꜱ|[ᴍ]|ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴜɴᴅ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ

ᴡᴇʀᴇᴡᴏʟꜰ ꜱᴀɴ x ᴡᴇʀᴇᴡᴏʟꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ꜰᴛ.ʏᴜɴʜᴏ)

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ʟᴏɴɢ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ~(ᴜɴʀᴇQᴜɪᴛᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ//ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀꜱ…ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴏʟᴅ ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ?ɪᴅᴋ ʜᴀʜᴀ)//ꜱʟᴏᴡ ʙᴜʀɴ//ᴍᴀɴʏ ꜰʟɪʀᴛɪɴɢ (ɪ ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ?)

ʟᴏɴɢ~ꜱᴍᴜᴛ|ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx|ᴏʀᴀʟ|ᴅᴏᴍ & ꜱᴜʙ?|ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴅɪʀᴛʏ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʜʜ…?|ᴋɴᴏᴛᴛɪɴɢ|ᴍᴀʀᴋɪɴɢ|ᴄʀᴇᴀᴍᴘɪᴇ|ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ…(ʜᴍᴍ…ꜱᴏ ᴍᴀʏ. ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴢʏ ᴛᴏ ʟɪꜱᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ʟᴏʟ) (ᴀ/ɴ: ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍʟʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀᴛᴇᴇᴢ)

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 11.8ᴋ (ᴡᴏᴡ…ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏɴɢᴇꜱᴛ ꜰɪᴄ ᴇᴠᴇʀ)

Summary: You had harbored a crush on Yunho for quite some time, even though they knew they weren't each other's destined mates. She thought her affection would persist indefinitely, unaware that the arrival of a woman would be the catalyst for her heartbreak. That is until your enemy, San appeared, reigniting the fire in her heart.

(a/n: This fanfic is really long lol. I originally wanted to shorten it, but there are a lot of things I want to add.  This is the plot that inspired me when I was playing c.ai. I like it so much that I have always wanted to write about it.  Although I don't think many people will read or like this article, I'll still post it🫠.  Also, I haven't had much interest in writing lately (again!). Inspiration is so fickle, and my traffic has dropped a lot.🥲  So these may be the last few fanfics (there is still a request that has not been written). Anyway, thank you all for your support.）

You find yourself perched on the soft, empty grass, your gaze tracing the movements of a tall figure in the distance. It's Yunho, the heir to your clan's leader and your childhood best friend. Each time his eyes inadvertently lock with yours, a flutter of excitement stirs in your heart, and a smile tugs at your lips without your consent. 

You had feelings for him, yet the harsh truth remains: he was not your mate. This reality became painfully clear in the first transformation, yet you refused to relinquish your hopes, clinging to this unrequited love. Perhaps this is your quiet rebellion against the whims of fate, even if it seems utterly foolish and pathetic.

"Hey, dumbass. Watching your favourite prince practicing?" Suddenly, an annoying voice pierced the air from behind you. Your wolf ears perked up, detecting the sound of approaching footsteps. Great, it was him again—the bully from the Wonderland clan, Choi San. 

You hated him. A Lot. He always treated you like some kind of plaything, constantly teasing you. It felt like he was a ghost, popping up wherever you went, almost like he was stalking you. You really wished you had killed him in last year's match. If you had just been a bit more ruthless, you wouldn't be dealing with this mess. But that's just a fantasy you tell yourself.

"No matter how much you like him, he won't like you back. Idiot" San said and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, resting his head against yours. God damn it…she really smelled good… He couldn't help but lean in closer, silently sniffing your scent. It drove him crazy. 

"Shut up and fuck off." You let out an annoyed sigh at the sound of his voice. Your blood felt like it was simmering, and the urge to shove him away was almost overwhelming. Yet, you remained still. The way his body was pressed so closely against yours left you feeling vulnerable, a sensation you were reluctant to acknowledge.

You want more…more…

He was all too aware of that. San's icy grip on your shoulder only grew more possessive, pulling you closer against him. His breath landed the nape of your neck, his lips tantalizingly close to your ear. 

"He's probably thinking of some chick from another clan." San grinned, relishing the way your skin felt against his. From the moment he laid eyes on you during the match, he sensed you were meant to be his, yet you never admitted it. Absurdly, your heart belonged to Yunho. It drove him wild with frustration. But honestly, San didn't have any real romantic feelings for you; it was just his alpha instincts and a fierce possessiveness urging him to make you his.

"He's not like you." You scoffed, trying to break his hold. "He's much better than you annoying asshole." 

"How do you know?" 

"That's common sense." 

"C'mon, you know nothing about me…" San chuckled smugly, clearly relishing every moment. It was like he could sense your anger and was just itching to provoke you further. "I bet you will find me more attractive than that guy…" His hand slid down your arm, locking around your wrist, his breath sending a shiver down your spine, which you tried to shake off.

"Look at you, still as cute as ever," he teased,  "Can't handle a little touch, huh, puppy?" 

This was really getting under your skin. Your face felt hot, and your heart was racing like crazy. Why did he have to be so damn attractive and annoying? You attempted to keep your cool, but it was nearly impossible with San so near. 

He slid his hand down a bit more, now resting on your hip. "You look adorable when you're all shy and flustered, puppy," San laughed, pulling you in even closer.

"Hey, you!!Enough─" "Hands off!!" Your sentence was abruptly interrupted by a voice you knew all too well, drawing your gaze to the approaching figure.

It was Yunho, the one who made your heart race.

"I take it that a Wonderland wolf isn't welcome here?" Yunho remarked, his tone authoritative yet playfully teasing. You gazed at him as if he were your hero, prompting an irritated growl from San.

"Tsk… Mind your own business," San retorted, tapping his foot impatiently, shooting him a frustrated look. He couldn't stand how your face lit up with relief at Yunho's presence. It should have been him who made you feel secure, the one you clung to, not this guy.

Yunho moved in closer, his grip tightening around your wrist as he pulled you away from San's grasp. A jolt of electricity shot through you at his touch, but it was quickly overshadowed by a wave of disappointment as San's presence faded. Why did it feel wrong? You should have been relieved, yet the feeling of loss washed over you.

"This is my clan's territory. You have no right to lay a hand on my pack member without my consent," Yunho declared, looming over San, who instinctively took a step back.

"Tsk…so possessive," San retorted, attempting to stand his ground, but Yunho paid him no mind. "Now, leave my clan. I won't warn you again." Other wolves gathered around Yunho, their eyes fixed on San with a mix of disdain, as if he were an unwelcome intruder.

"Alright, alright," San said, raising his hands in mock surrender, a smirk still playing on his lips. "I'm leaving, no need for violence." He took a slow step back, his eyes lingering on you for a moment before shifting back to Yunho, then he turned and walked away.

Yunho spun around, worry etched on his face. "Are you alright?" he asked. You smiled and nodded, reassuring him. "Yeah… I'm good…"

"Be careful next time, okay? He is not a nice guy, you know…" He ruffled your hair, smiling lovingly. You loved how he laughed which was making your heart skip a beat. "You know you're my best friend and I will keep you safe." 

"Okay…" You nodded, a blush creeping in. "Yunho, shall we hang—"

But before you could continue, a girl burst in. "Yunho!!" He looked up, shifting his focus to her. 

"Oh, hey, Jessica." He smiled awkwardly at her.

"What's wrong?Has something bad happened?I heard a wolf from Wonderland came here?" 

"Relax…relax…nothing happened." 

"Oh…thank god…" Jessica nodded with a smile. She was stunning, tall, and had gorgeous fur that made every wolf swoon. "Is this your friend?" Jessica asked, looking at you and pointing, which made you feel a bit uneasy. She was sweet and friendly, but there was always something off about her.

"Yeah…this is my friend, Y/N." Yunho looked at you quickly before focusing back on Jessica. 

"Ohhh!Y/N!Yunho mentioned you a lot." She giggled, trying to play the part of the sweet girl. You could only respond with a forced smile, clearly not thrilled to be around her. You understood her game; she was just flaunting how much Yunho chatted with her. 

Jessica seemed to enjoy your reaction, while Yunho appeared to be silently enduring the whole situation. He wasn't as energetic as he usually was, and definitely not as shy around a girl. It was obvious he had a crush on her too.

She glanced at the clock that was hanging from the tree, keeping an eye on the time. "Oh no! My first training session is about to start. I need to head out, catch you later, Yunho." She playfully messed up Yunho's hair before starting to walk off. Yunho stayed put for a moment, fixing his hair that had fallen over his eyes. He looked at you and let out a soft sigh.

"She's always like that…" Although he was complaining, you could see a small smile tug on his lips which made your heart tighten. He would never show this side to you. For him, you were just his friend, a normal member in his pack. 

"It seems you like that a lot, huh?" 

"Why would you ask that?" 

"Am I wrong?" 

"What?Are you jealous?" 

"Don't try to change the subject, Yunho." 

"Fine…I might have a tiny bit of feelings for Jessica." 

"Just tiny?" You forced a smile despite your heart was arching. 

"You're forcing me to admit to liking her more, aren't you?"

"Just be honest."

"Fine…I'll admit it…I do like her a lot." 

His words struck your heart like a sudden blow, shattering it with a force that left you reeling in pain. Yet, you stifled the hurt, attempting to sweep it under the rug. Confessing your feelings to him was out of the question; it could shatter the friendship between you two.

"Is she your mate…?" You asked tentatively. Deep down, you were aware of the truth, but a tiny part of you still clung to the hope that he might say otherwise.

"Yeah… I can sense it," he admitted, a hint of shyness creeping into his voice. 

Your hope was shattered. 

"But we haven't marked… you know…"

"Alright, I don't need the details." You joked, trying to keep things light.

"Me neither," He laughed. "I should get going now. Hope you find your mate soon." He turned and walked away, not glancing back, leaving you with a heart that felt like it was breaking into pieces.

He spotted her right away and rushed off to find Jessica, his face lit up with a grin that was a complete contrast to how he acted around you. It was like you didn't even exist; you were just invisible. Every single time you tried to talk to Yunho, Jessica would magically show up and grab his focus. All you could do was stand there quietly, watching them laugh and chat, completely ignoring you. 

A few hours later, you found yourself at the cafeteria, waiting for Yunho as you always did. The events of the morning still weighed heavily on your mind, but you tried to push them aside. However, the moment Yunho walked in, your heart plummeted. He was with Jessica again, their laughter ringing out like a melody, a perfect harmony that made your stomach churn. They seemed destined for each other, a bond that transcended any mark, hinting at a future you could only dream of.

"Hey, Y/N!" Jessica's voice cut through your thoughts, pulling you back to reality.

"Hey…" you replied softly, forcing a smile that felt more like a mask.

Her smile in return was laced with a sense of superiority, a silent acknowledgment of the power she held. You recognized it, but kept your thoughts to yourself. Then, your gaze fell on her necklace, its shape unmistakable—a piece that held memories of a shared childhood.

"oh…are you seeing this?" she said, deliberately playing with it. "Yunho gave it to me~"

"He gave you?!" The surprise slipped out before you could contain it. That necklace was a cherished gift from Yunho, one that you both had exchanged long ago. The realization stung, a mix of confusion and hurt flooding your heart.

"Yah yah yah. Who told me to lose the bet?" Yinho shook his head but a smile tugged on his lips. 

"Bet?" 

"Yes~ I thought this necklace was lovely, so I asked for it as a reward. He lost, after all. But I heard it was your childhood necklace? You don't mind, do you? We're friends, after all~"

"Don't mind?" A laugh escaped you, tinged with disbelief, but before you could voice your protest, Yunho interjected.

"She won't mind. And wait, did you just call me a loser?"

"Of course! Who else would it be?" Jessica teased, her laughter ringing out.

"Hey! Knock it off!" Yunho exclaimed, but they continued their playful banter, completely oblivious to your presence. 

You felt like a mere spectator in a scene that should have been yours, the necklace—a symbol of your past—now a token of someone else's affection. The weight of it all became too much to bear, and you decided to make a hasty exit. The image of them together twisted your heart in knots. As you strolled, you began to toy with your fur, trying to keep your mind  off things.

Tears started to form in your eyes as images of Yunho and Jessica kept flashing through your mind.  That heavy ache in your heart was tough to shake off. Sitting alone in the quiet park, you stared into the sky. The silence felt overwhelming as you couldn't help but linger on those feelings of loneliness.

You gently grasped the necklace that Yunho gifted you in your childhood, handling it with utmost care. Though it was merely a simple shell, it held immense sentimental value for you. Over time, it has faded and lost its once vibrant shine. As you gazed at it, memories of your childhood flood back, filling your heart with warmth, yet a twinge of discomfort lingers... You let out a sigh, sinking once more into a sea of contemplation.

"Oh~ Let me see who's there?" Suddenly, a voice snapped you out from the deep thought. You looked up to see a figure walking towards you, their features obscured by the shadows. But you knew who he was based on his scent and voice. You brushed away the tears that had fallen down your face, trying to pull yourself together.

"You again?" You rolled your eyes, letting out a heavy sigh and turning around to avoid San's gaze. 

"You cry?" He teased as he sat next to you.

"Why you care?"

"C'mon, you can talk to me if you'd like." 

"Tsk…don't act like a nice guy." 

"Don't pretend you're not secretly happy to see me~" He leaned closer, his strong musk scent filling your nostrils and making your heart race again. "So, what's got you all down in the dumps? Something is bothering you?" His voice was a bit softer, not matching his usual cocky demeanor. 

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms as San got closer. "You don't get to ask me that," you protested, trying to keep up your aloof front. 

But he wasn't fooled, he saw through your tough act. He tilted his head slightly, studying your expression. "You sure about that? You look pretty upset, puppy." 

You felt your cheeks heat up a bit at his nickname. You hated how he always seemed to know just what buttons to push. 

"Don't call me that…" You huffed, trying to keep your cool demeanor. 

"Ah c'mon, I know you actually like it when I call you that." San chuckled, moving even closer to you. 

"Yeah right. Like you know me." You retorted, averting your gaze, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing how flustered you were. 

"You're acting like you hate it, but your face is already turning red~" He smirked, enjoying how much he was getting under your skin. 

"Shut up!" You muttered, still not daring to look at him directly. Damn it! How was he always aware of how his presence and words affected you?

"Oh, now you're just being rude." He teased, feigning hurt. "I was trying to make you feel better, and you go and act like a little brat." 

"I don't think so." You retorted. "You're just annoying me." 

"You're mad, huh? You're so cute when you're mad, puppy."

"I'm not cute! And I'm not mad." 

"Sure, you're not. You're just getting all flushed and stuttering for no reason." He moved his hand to poke your cheek, annoying you more. "You're such a bad liar, puppy." 

"I-I'm not lying and don't touch me. You're annoying. Why did I not kick your ass in the last match?" 

"Feisty one, aren't we?" He chuckled, rubbing your wolf ear slightly to make it twitch. "Let me guess…You are still thinking of that Yunho?" He said, his tone shifting to a more mocking tone. "It's kinda pathetic." 

Shut up. You know nothing about me." You snapped back, feeling hurt by his words. It was true that you still thought about Yunho a lot, but you didn't want to admit it to anyone, least of all San. "I'm not pathetic." 

"Really? Then why are you so hung up on him? You keep thinking about him all the time, it's foolish." 

"I…I'm trying…" You mumbled, looking down at the ground. "It's just…hard." 

"You've been saying that for a year now," San rolled his eyes. "Just stop moping around and move on. There are better wolves out there, you know." 

"I know that…But Yunho…he's…he's different…"

"Oh, please. He's just another guy. There's nothing special about him, puppy." He crossed his arm, feeling annoyed. "You're just stuck in the past. You need to move on." 

"I know that…" you repeated, your voice shaky. "But…it's not that easy. I…I can't just forget about him." 

"Oh, how hard you're trying to defend him," he mocked. "You're just going to keep pining after some guy who doesn't want you." 

His words caused your breath to hitch. It hurt, but it was true. 

"You don't know…you don't understand…" You looked at San, clenching your jaw as you were struggling to keep the tears from falling. 

San's eyes widened slightly when he noticed your red nose and watery eyes, but then his attention shifted to the necklace in your hand. A smirk crept onto his face as a mischievous idea crossed his mind.

"Yah~I don't know anything~" He suddenly stood up, looming over you with his tall frame. "All I know is that you're still into him and clutching that little gift he gave you." Before you could respond, he snatched the necklace from your grasp and started inspecting it.

"Hey!Give me back!! What're you doing!!" you shouted, lunging to reclaim it, but his height made it impossible.

"Is it a gift he gave you? How cheap~" 

"Shut up and give me back!You fucking thief!" You leaped up, trying to snatch the necklace back, but he dodged effortlessly. "Don't make me bite you!" 

"Oh no!The puppy is threatening me!I'm shaking in my boots!" San laughed at your threat, not taking it seriously in the slightest. "Try to get me, huh?" He started to run away from you after jokingly shielding himself from your grab. 

"Stand here!!" 

"No~stay back you puppy!" He couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips as he dodged your attempts to catch him. 

"Come back here!!" 

"Not a chance!You're not taking it back today, no matter how pretty you are." He continued to back away, though he wasn't actually trying to escape.

"You die when I catch you!" 

"Try hard, puppy~" 

You darted around the park, mirroring the playful antics of two exuberant puppies. With every sprint, a wave of joy surged within you, washing away the irritation that once lingered in your heart. The echoes of frustration faded, replaced by the sweet melody of laughter. 

Each time your bodies brushed against one another, a thrilling spark ignited, sending a delightful jolt through your veins that left you craving more. 

Seeing you laugh so gleefully made San's heart swell with affection. He found your happiness contagious, his own smile widening. He didn't know why but he wanted to see your smile more. 

"Ha!Catcha!!" You suddenly launched forward, leaping onto his chest and sending both of you tumbling onto the soft grass. "I told you I could catch you!" you declared, pinning his wrists to the ground as you settled on top of him, securing your hold.

"Oh no no no!Please let me go~~" He mocked, acting like a prey dramatically. You couldn't help but laugh at his words, totally forgetting you were straddling him, and the necklace. 

"Happy now?" 

"Uh huh. Looking at you underneath me is a good view. You know?" 

"You're cruel, aren't you?" He rolled his eyes playfully. Seeing your smile, San couldn't help but soften, his 'pretend' annoyance fading away. He smiled back at you, appreciating the moment of lightheartedness between the two of you. 

He slowly tucked your hair behind your ear, tracing a path along your jawline with his fingertip. "You know, it's cute when you smile like that," He blurted out before he could stop himself. His words and move made you two suddenly frozen for a moment as you realized how close you were, an awkward silence falling between you. 

San's eyes widened at his own words, realizing what he had just blurted out. He quickly tried to cover it up with a joking tone. 

"Ahem, anyway," he coughed awkwardly. "You're, uh, very flexible. It's not every day you see someone who can jump so high."

He felt his heart skip a beat, his cheeks slightly flushed as he avoided eye contact with you, not wanting you to see how flustered he was. You were still straddling him, and the realization of your proximity made his stomach flip.

"Yah, uh, can you get off me now?" San stammered, trying to play it off as a joke, but there was a hint of red on his cheeks.

His heartbeat quickened as your body was still on top of him, heat pooling in his core. He desperately wanted to flip you around and pin you down on the ground, but he managed to resist the urge. He cleared his throat, trying to regain his bearings. "So, er, are you gonna get up or what?"

You looked at San, feeling his flustered state beneath you. It was rare to see him so off-guard, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction. 

You smirked, enjoying the chance to tease him. "Hmm, what if I don't want to get up?" you said, deliberately keeping your weight on him, reveling in his increasingly flustered state.

San's face continued to burn red, his heart racing as you kept yourself pressed against him, a smirk on your lips. Damn, you were enjoying this little game, weren't you? 

He tried to regain his composure, but the feel of your body against his was driving him insane. "Y-You're insufferable," he muttered, his voice wavering.

"Aw, come on, puppy~ You know you love it," You chuckled, loved seeing him so off-guard and vulnerable, it was adorable. You leaned even closer, pressing your chest against his. San's eyes widened at the intimacy of your position, his breath hitching in his throat.

"If you don't get off, I can't promise what I will do."

"Huh? Mind telling me?"

San let out a surprised gasp as he managed to flip you over in one fluid motion, reversing your positions and effectively pinning you down on the ground. 

He hovered over you for a moment, his heartbeat racing as he looked down at your flushed face. The feeling of having you underneath him sent a jolt of heat through his body, making it hard for him to form a coherent thought. 

His gaze darkened as he realized he now had full control over the situation, and he was enjoying it quite a bit.

"What–what're you doing?!" You gasped, taken back by a sudden change in positions. 

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He asked, his voice low and dark. "I'm the one in charge now, puppy."

"You…you…don't you dare to do something…" 

"Something huh?"

You turned your head away, avoiding his hot gaze as he leaned down more. Both of you were so engrossed in your playful teasing, neither of you noticed the newcomers at first. But the sound of clearing the throats snatched your attention, making you pause mid-step.

San, still in a joking mode, spun around to see Yunho and Jessica standing there, watching the spectacle with raised eyebrows.

"Yu…yunho??" You stared at him, a mixture of embarrassment and surprises washing over you. You couldn't help but freeze for a moment. 

"Oh? Audience huh?" San mocked, soon calmed down from the surprise. "Try not to disturb us?"

Jessica's eyes flicked between San and you, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. But she didn't say anything, just observed the two of you with unabashed curiosity.

Meanwhile, Yunho's expression was unreadable. He seemed to be taking in the scene silently, his usually cheerful demeanor replaced by a more thoughtful air.

The silence hung heavily in the air, the atmosphere slightly tense. San could feel the weight of their gazes,wondering what they were thinking. He subtly glanced at you, wondering if you were uncomfortable. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Yunho spoke up, breaking the silence. 

"Having fun, I see." His voice was nonchalant, betraying no particular emotion.

"Oh..yeah…um...just messing around, you know…" You said as you tried to get up, but San hold you firmly.

Jessica, however, was far less subtle, her smirk widening. "Yeah, definitely looked like more than messing around to me."

You tensed up at her comments, feeling your cheeks heat up further. San, different from you, shot her a glance, not appreciating the implications in her tone. 

"Are you jealous?" He mocked. "Jealous to the point of spying on us?"

"We were just taking a walk and stumbled upon you two lovebirds." She said, a hint of amusement in her voice. 

"Jessica," Yunho, who had been usually quiet, suddenly spoke up. "Could you give us a moment?" 

"Well, Jessica. I think you won't bother us, right?" San added. 

Jessica pouted a little bit at Yunho's stern look, but then her eyes flicked to San, a sly smile on her face.

"Of course, I'm a saint." She responded. "I'll just give you two lovelorn fools some…privacy…"

She gave you and San another smirk, making it clear she was poking fun at the situation. 

"Thanks for that." San rolled his eyes.

Yunho waited until Jessica was out of earshot before he turned to you two, his expression serious.

"I need to talk to you both about something…important…" he began, his usually cheerful demeanor replaced by uncharacteristic seriousness.

"Okay, what's going on, Man?" San said, pulling away from you but still holding you firmly in his arms which made Yunho frown a bit. 

"It's…it's about what we just saw now…" Yunho said, his eyes flickering between you and San. "I couldn't help but notice…the way you two were interacting, it didn't seem…just friendly?"

"It's not like that…" you cleaned your throat. "We're just messing around."

"That didn't look like just messing around," Yunho raised an eyebrow, looking unconvinced by your attempt to downplay it. "You were being pretty…touchy-feely with each other."

"It's just like you and Jessica. What's the matter?" San snapped back, causing Yunho's eyes to widen. 

"That's…that's different…" Yunho was a little bit taken back. "She is my mate. And you, Choi San, is another wolf who doesn't belong to my clan. Now you are harassing my pack member."

"Ok wait wait wait- harassing?? Excuse me? Watch your mouth." San shot him a glance, pulling you even closer as his arm wrapped around your shoulder. 

"What are you doing?! You get off me." you whispered against San's ear quietly but San ignored your words and tightened his grip.

"Why do you care that much? Because she is your pack member? Pfff…shut it. She is my mate. That's not business to deal with what's mine."

"You…two are…?" Yunho's eyes widened further, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief. 

You, meanwhile, just stood there in shock as you hadn't expected him to claim that you were his mate, especially not in front of Yunho. 

"Yunho…we–" 

"Do I need your permission to touch my mate? What a nosy guy."

"Permission for what?" Jessica suddenly appeared again, sidling up to Yunho and looping her arm through his. She glanced at you two and let out a knowing chuckle.

"Nothing. Just your little boyfriend being nosy." San let out a scoff.

"Oh really? And why's that?" 

Yunho, still looking a bit startled, just stood there silently, letting Jessica speak. He didn't know why. Knowing you had a mate caused him feel uncomfortable. You should hate San so much. But why? Why were you so close to him? Why were you his mate? 

"It seems you are blind, huh?" A smirk played on San's lips as he mocked Jessica. "Can't believe you have a blind mate, Jeong Yunho."

"Hey!! I am not blind… I'm just observant, that's all." 

"Then don't ask a question that is obvious already." 

"How was I supposed to know you were…together? You didn't exactly announce it to the world. And you, Y/N, don't you hate him? But what now? You suddenly fall in love with him? Do you like seeking attention??"

"What—" Before you could snap back, San suddenly cut you off. "Mind your words, bitch. Y/N just mad at me because I had pissed her off. But now, she forgave me. Right? Y/n?"

You knew San was lying but you didn't stop him at all. On the other hand, you allowed him to fight for you. 

"And we are not like you, attention seekers. We don't like showing off."

"Yah!! How rude you are!!" Jessica gapsed, feigning offense at his description of her. "You're  just jealous! Can you blame me? I'm just…popular and beautiful." she said, leaning her head on Yunho's shoulder, a hint of cockiness in her tone. Yunho just sighed but not saying anything.

"We don't have time to talk to you dumbass. It's just wasting our energy. Let's go, love." San held your hand firmly, tugging you to leave.

Yunho was still processing everything that had just happened. He watched as San leaded you away, his expression a mixture of surprise and mild curiosity. 

You followed San silently, feeling San give you a squeeze on your hand. 

"Is it that Jessica always acts rude to you?" San suddenly said, pulling you back from the deep thought.

"Huh…hmm…" You nodded. 

"You didn't fight back at all?" 

"I…how…?"

"How?? Huh?? Seriously? You can kick my ass countless times in the match but can't do it towards her? What's wrong with you?"

"Hey! It's different! She…she is Yunho's mate.. our future luna. How can I fight back?"

"Pfff…I'm an alpha too and you still kick my ass." 

"You're from another gang, okay? That's different…" 

"Tch…bullshit. You just like bullying me."

"Yah! When did I bully you?! You're the one who keeps messing me up!"

"Don't say you aren't enjoying it~"

"I.." 

San suddenly spun around, causing you to collide with his chest. "ouch..! What's wrong…?"

"Hey, dumbass." 

"don't call me that–" He lifted up your chin, making you look at him. A blush creeped in your cheek, heat spreading through your body as he leaned closer. 

"Listen. You're my mate. Mine. That means no one else gets to hurt you. I am the only one who gets to hurt you. Get it?" 

"Who said I am yours? Don't be…" He placed a finger on your lips to stop your words.

"I asked, Get it? Yes or no. Don't you dare to say no."

"You…You're insufferable." You rolled your eyes. "Yes..yes…I understand it. Happy now?"

"Good." He gave a small grin and playfully tousled your hair. He really enjoyed teasing you, even if it meant making you cry. It was pretty amusing to see a tough little wolf, who had taken him down so many times, whimper like a puppy. 

But then he thought about it. He only wanted to see you cry for him, not anyone else. He loved making you laugh, too, but only if it was because of him. A wave of protectiveness surged in his chest. He promised himself you would be his, no matter what. He wouldn't let anyone else take you away.

"And~~" He took out a necklace that Yunho gave you from his pocket, swaying it side to side in front of you. "I'll keep this. You can't keep it."

"What?! Give me back! That's mine!" You attempted to grab it, but he dodged and held you firmly against his chest.

"No no no~ I helped you to fight back that bitch! I should have a reward."

"Yah! Why you have to choose this!?"

"I chose what I wanted. That's it." 

"It's unfair!"

"Nothing's unfair, puppy." 

"I helped you, remember?"

"Fine. But why you tell her I was your mate? She must announce it to the world!"

"What? That's the truth."

"But we haven't marked–"

"Oh? That's what you mind?"

"Huh? That's not the point! it's…" He unexpectedly leaned closer and planted a kiss on your cheek. You were taken aback, your eyes going wide at the surprise. Your heart raced, and you could feel your cheek warming up again. For a moment, you just stared at him, completely stunned and at a loss for words.

"Wh–what was that for??" 

"Finished marking~" He winked and joked. 

Your cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red at his teasing. You brushed your fingers over the spot where his lips had just been, still feeling that lingering warmth.

"Hey! Are you just claiming me as yours or what?" 

"Absolutely. You can't argue with that." 

"Ugh… You're insufferable," you scoffed, rubbing your cheek and pouting. "We have to act like a couple now… for everyone else's sake…"

"Is that a problem?" San tilted his head, a smirk on his face. "You should be thrilled to be my mate."

"Shut it, you jerk! It's so annoying!" Even though you were acting annoyed, deep down, you found it amusing to watch San stand up to Jessica.

"So you're not against it?"

"What else can I do? There's no other option…" you pouted and mumbled. "I guess we can fake it."

"Good! Trust me, being my mate is the best thing ever." 

"Enough already." You rolled your eyes. "I'm only going along with this because of Jessica."

"Huh? So she's your top priority? Not the whole 'lovey-dovey couple' act?"

"Who would want to pretend to be a cute couple with you?" 

"You do." 

"No, I don't!"

As you two bickered like kids, San realized it was time to head back to his clan. "Oh man, I've gotta go. Time really flies, huh?"

"Just go already."

"Don't you miss me?"

"Not at all."

"Ouch… that hurts."

"Just hurry up. The curfew is coming up."

"Okay, okay. Don't be so mean. See you tomorrow, my girlfriend."

"I really don't want to see you tomorrow." You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. But a small smile crept onto your face despite yourself. As he walked away, you let out a sigh you didn't even know you were holding in. "See you tomorrow…" 

—-----

Everyone in the clan was aware that you're San's mate. No matter where you are, you could feel the eyes on you, filled with doubt or even judgment. The Wonderland clan, which San was part of, had a long-standing rivalry with your Aurora clan. This all started centuries ago when there was a fight over territory, leading to a full-blown conflict. It's only been about fifty years since things started to cool down, and now the two clans face off in friendly competitions instead. 

Still, it seems like the tension between the two clans isn't going away anytime soon.

San never shies away from it. Ever since that day, he strides into your clan's training ground with a mischievous purpose. To him, you're merely a plaything; he delights in riling you up, only to lead you on a wild chase around the arena. Sometimes, he morphs into a wolf, snatching your weapon right from your grasp. The entire training ground has turned into his personal playground, much to the annoyance of your fellow members. 

With each of his antics, your reputation takes a hit. It's clear he's out to humiliate you! That guy holds a grudge because he lost the last match, and now he's determined to "ruin" you. Ah, you really hate him! But you couldn't deny it. Being his 'girlfriend' made you feel happier. 

You didn't know how to put this tangled feeling into words. Yes, you despised him, that was your firm belief this entire year. However, something was inexplicably different.

You would miss him, even feel a slight sense of disappointment when he didn't show up on time. As you reflected on this strange development, you couldn't understand how your feelings had so swiftly changed. You feel happy and relaxed when he's around, especially when he plays tricks on Jessica (such as burning her fur??). It's funny to watch how she freaks out and asks for help. 

Your emotions had become a convoluted, tangled mess. How could you harbor both hatred and longing for the same person? It was as if your heart had a mind of its own, and no matter how hard you tried, it couldn't help but yearn for his attention. You were baffled and angry at yourself for allowing these feelings to develop, especially when just a few months ago, you had loathed him.

On the one hand, your past distrust of him has made you suspicious of his behavior; but at the same time, a part of you has gradually become addicted to his company. It was irritating and confusing, so damn much.

Once again, the time for that "competition" is drawing near. As the most formidable fighter in your tribe, it's only natural that you'll be called upon to represent them in this event. However, your situation is quite awkward.

You now prepared your garment backstage and a knock echoed on the door.

"Come in." You said, finding Jessica entering the room.

"What you want?" You said, even didn't raise your head.

"Just come to see you~~" Jessica sneered, sauntering over as you organized your gear at the training grounds. "I never imagined you'd turn your back on our clan just to chase after a mate," She leaned against a wooden post, arms crossed, her tone dripping with mockery. "I'm not like you. I won't abandon my people. After all, I'm the future Luna."

You tossed the protective gear into your bag, cutting her off mid-sentence.

"Is that all you can say? Always going on about the future Luna?"

"Heh, that's way better than your situation, traitor. Plus, Yunho and I share a bond that you and San will never have. Honestly, I think San is just messing with your heart. You should really think about leaving him. Don't chase after anyone for attention."

"Don't pretend I'm you." You shot back. "Apart from being a future luna, you are nothing. Also, Yunho still didn't mark and knot you. You don't have any right to judge me."

Jessica glowered at you, her irrational growing. "I have every right to judge you! You're pretending to be San's girlfriend just to piss me off, but everyone can see right through the facade. You're cheap, attention-seeker, and pathetic!"

"You really just want the spotlight, don't you? You're upset because I'm getting attention. You don't want me to have anyone special in my life. It's like you're determined to keep me from getting anything good! You stepped closer, hands on your hips. "Honestly, you're just a jealous, attention-seeking brat."

"Well. Let me tell you something. You're not special, and this little act of yours won't last. San will realise that soon enough, and he'll drop you like the cheap bitch you are!!" Jessica huffed, but her mean words didn't hurt you at all.

"Then let me tell you something too. Yunho will see right through your act, and he won't even think about marking you, even if you're his mate. You keep messing up, and no one will ever really care about you. You think you're a big deal in the clan? They just see you as a joke." 

Jessica's face paled as your words sunk in. She tried to keep her cool, but it was clear that your words had hit her where it hurt. Her facade of confidence started to crumble, and a hint of vulnerability flashed across her face. 

"It's…it's not true! I'm the most popular and all the wolves like me!"

"Just keep doing your thing in your little bubble," you said, giving her a quick look as you moved in closer. "Soon enough, you'll see I was spot on." You nudged her shoulder as you strolled off, leaving her there, feeling a bit frantic.

But when you opened the door, you saw Yunho standing outside. He looked at you with a serious expression.

"Can we talk?" he said, his voice low and calm.

"Of course," you responded, gesturing for him to come in. "Take a seat."

Yunho followed you inside and took a seat opposite you. Jessica immediately ran to him, looping his arm as if she was almost crying. 

"Listen," he began, "about what happened with Jessica." You nodded, bracing yourself for whatever was coming your way.

"I wanted to talk about her. What you said to her... it was harsh."

"I know it was," you said, not meeting his gaze. "But I'm just defending myself."

"But you didn't have to be so aggressive about it," Yunho replied, his voice edged with a hint of impatience.

"Seriously? She can talk bad about me, but I can't? What's the logic?"

"It's not about logic…Y/N." Yunho rubbed his temple, sighing. "There's a difference between standing up for yourself and being cruel. You hurt her feelings badly."

"How weak is she then? Can't handle these words at all? Isn't she a future luna?" You were pissed off. You knew your words were too harsh for her, but what hurted you most was Yunho's reaction. 

Yunho shot you a disapproving look. "It's not about weakness. It's about respect and empathy. She has many flaws, but that doesn't make it okay to go after her like that."

"So what can I do, huh? Not defending myself?"

"You can stand up for yourself, but do it with respect. Treat other people like you want them to treat you. And don't let others get under your skin."

"Then tell your fucking mate first! Don't speak to me with respect when she never respects me at all. Such bullshit!"

Yunho's eyes widened at your words, clearly taken back. "When you become like this? Y/N…? You won't be that cruel…After you got close to San, you totally changed…"

"I wasn't changed. I'm just tired of being her punching bag. That's all." you shot back, your voice sharp. "She thinks she can do anything she wants and I'm fucking sick of it."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Tell you? Did you ever listen?"

"Of course I will listen. I care about you."

"Don't make me laugh. You know how many times you ignore me when Jessica suddenly pops up from nowhere?"

"I…I didn't realise…"

"You didn't realise??" you repeated, unable to hide your disbelief. "Jessica literally says your name and you turn around to answer her like I'm invisible."

"See? I said you were jealous!" Jessica suddenly chimed in. "You just want my Yunho's attention. But he's my mate! How dare you bother us! I know you are such a bitch who wants to steal everything from me! So I fight back and you hurt me like this!"

"What the fuck?! You–"

"Enough!" he said firmly. "Both of you, stop. Fighting."

Jessica looked sheepish, clearly caught out in her outburst. You, on the other hand, were still fuming. But Yunho's stern voice made you fall silent.

Yunho took a deep breath before speaking again. "Jessica, you had no right to say that, especially not like that. And Y/N, you need to learn to control your temper…you were not like that before…San isn't a good guy, you shouldn't be close to him…he…"

"Cut it out!! Don't you dare to talk bad to him." You, on the other hand, were struggling to keep your emotions under control. It was clear you cared about San deeply, and hearing Yunho speak about him in that way hurt.

"Y/N…" Yunho saw the look on your face and quickly backtracked. "That's not what I meant..." he said, trying to clarify.

"Then what do you mean?" you snapped back, your voice still tight with emotion.

Yunho sighed, clearly at a loss for words. "I just mean that San is...he's not the person you think he is."

You let out a scoff, rolling your eyes. "Oh, and you know that better than me, right?"

"I just...I've seen what he's like. He's not good for you, Y/N."

"Shut up already. You know nothing about him. Yes, he is annoying as fuck, always acting like a child to tease me non stop. But he's the one who gives me happiness that you never give me. I don't need you to judge him" 

You cast a glance their way as you stepped out of the room. There was no use in saying anything further. You could tolerate their insults directed at you, but not those aimed at San. 

—--

The competition kicked off with a surge of excitement, as teams from various clans assembled on the battlefield, poised for action. The palpable tension between you, Yunho, and Jessica was unmistakable, drawing the attention of others, particularly San, who couldn't resist winking and teasing you with a mischievous grin. However, when he caught sight of your furious expression, he quickly realized something was amiss.

There was no time for him to inquire further. The bell rang, and chaos erupted as everyone scattered into the depths of the forest. The countdown concluded, marking the official start of the game. This was no ordinary contest; it was a high-stakes version of hide and seek. The team that was discovered would engage in a battle with their discoverer, with the victor earning one point, while the winning team would claim five points.

For the first several minutes, everything unfolded smoothly. But then, your team's fortunes took a sharp downturn, and many players began to fall. Your heart raced as you heard the grim updates about your teammates being eliminated through your headphones. You knew your team was stronger than this, so why did it feel like your position had been compromised?

Lost in thought, a familiar scent suddenly wafted beside you. Instinctively, you spun around and launched an attack. Yet, the figure before you effortlessly deflected your strike, a sarcastic smile playing on his lips.

"Hey, feisty as always, huh?Puppy." 

"Choi San!!I know it's you!"

"Hm~You know my scent well huh?" 

Without hesitation, you lunged at him again. He dodged with ease, seizing your wrists and pinning them against the tree trunk.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa~ What's got you all riled up~?" San teased, leaning in to catch a whiff of your scent. "Why the anger?"

The memory of your earlier confrontation with Jessica and Yunho flashed through your mind, igniting a fresh wave of fury.

"You're the one who knocked my teammate down, aren't you?" 

"You're the one who took down my teammate, right?"

"Oh, so clever~ puppy~" San grinned. "You wanna know how I track them?" You just stared at him, waiting for his response.

"Your scent, puppy~ Your teammates carry your scent, making it super easy for me to track them down~ We've been together for so long, after all~" 

"What?!You…?!You…So you get close to me to know and remember my scent…?" 

"Hm~ There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep my mate's scent fresh in my mind~" San nodded, raising his eyebrows as he confessed. "And honestly, I can't help but use this to my advantage~"

"You jerk!!" You tried to shove him away, but his grip was too strong, and a part of you secretly liked it. He knew that, so he wasn't about to let you go.

"Pup~ That's just being clever."

"That's sneaky!"

You both were completely unaware that Jessica had been eavesdropping on your conversation. She had been tailing you, biding her time, waiting for the perfect moment to exact her revenge. It was only the unexpected arrival of San that held her back. Now, however, she had all the justification she needed to strike. You had betrayed the team, offering your scent to the enemy, and it was only right that you faced the consequences.

"You traitor!!" In the heat of your argument, Jessica lunged at you, transforming into her wolf form.

"What the—" Before you could even process what was happening, San swiftly enveloped you in a protective embrace, his hand cradling the back of your head as he shielded you from Jessica's fierce attack, turning his back to her.

Ouch! Her razor-sharp claws raked across San's back, sending a jolt of pain through him, even with the protective vest in place. He staggered forward, pressing his entire weight against you, wrapping you tightly in his embrace.

"San—!" Your eyes locked with his, the playful banter replaced by a deep well of worry and concern.

"Just hold on." He cupped your face, planting a quick kiss on your lips before turning to confront the frantic woman. She had expected her attack to land, but to her surprise, it had barely fazed him.

"You..." Jessica stumbled backward, her eyes wide with fear at San's fierce glare. Shouldn't you be helping your teammate?! Y/N!!" Her voice was laced with desperation, but her expression was menacing.

"Is she the one who got under your skin, love?" San teased, his voice dripping with possessiveness and protectiveness. "Let me handle this."

"How dare you…" Jessica gasped, taken aback. "Y/N!! Are you really just going to stand there while I'm in danger? You're supposed to be on my side! Think about what this looks like to the whole clan!"

You remained silent, your gaze drifting to San going behind you. Yes, he might have used your scent to outmaneuver your teammates, but he was also the one shielding you. On ordinary days, he was playful, calling you his little puppy and teasing you endlessly... but beneath that lightheartedness lay a genuine concern and affection that was unmistakable. At that moment, everything crystallized. You cherished how fiercely he defended you and the joy he brought into your life.

You were falling for him.

"I'm not on the team. I'm on San's side." You responded, your voice firm. "Whatever you like, I'm sick of you!!Don't you dare to order me!" 

"That's right." San affirmed, stepping even closer. "She's mine."

"You've lost it... You've gone mad…" Jessica couldn't believe what she was hearing. Had you really chosen him over her own team?

"Enough already! You propelled yourself forward, charging at her with determination. But just as before, Yunho intervened, stepping in to block your advance. San swiftly caught you, guiding you down to the ground with care.

"What's going on, Y/N…?" Yunho stared at you, astonished. "She's on your team!"

"She never saw me that way! She was the one who struck first. Don't talk to me like that, Yunho!"

"That's enough." San's voice was firm, his gaze fixated on Jessica. "You've done enough damage for one night."

Jessica tried to protest, but the weight of San's expression told her it was useless.

Meanwhile, San's words struck a chord in Yunho, and his eyes flicked down to you, his concern growing.

"Y/N..." Yunho spoke up, his voice filled with confusion and worry. "This isn't like you. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing was ever like it should have been." San interjected, his voice laced with the weight of years of concealed emotions. 

Jessica's expression hardened at his words, clearly taken aback by his bluntness. "San..." She began, but he cut her off. 

"No more excuses, no more pretenses." San's words echoed with a determined resolve. "She's mine, whether you or our team realizes it." 

Jessica finally found her voice, her eyes flashing with fury. "You wouldn't dare…"

"Oh, I dare." San smirked, unyielding in his stance. "And I won't let go. She's mine, and I'll make sure she knows it." 

Jessica's expression darkened at his words, her jaw clenching. "You're a fool, San. You know nothing." 

"Perhaps I do." He shot back, a hint of a playful smile on his lips. "I know her better than anyone, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep her by my side."

"As if you've ever tried." Jessica gritted her teeth, her anger flaring. "You've always treated her like one of your conquests, your little plaything to toss aside when you got bored." 

San's expression darkened, his grip on you tightening protectively. 

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He shot back, his voice edged with a coldness that belied his growing irritation.

You swiftly broke free from San's hold and advanced, delivering a sharp slap to Jessica's repugnant face. The forest fell silent, everyone taken aback, until San let out a low chuckle.

"That's what you get. I'm done with you…" Your eyes locked onto Jessica, who was shielding her flushed face in disbelief, before shifting your focus to Yunho. "Two."

"Y/N…" Yunho stuttered, caught off guard. You removed the group badge from your arm, holding it up for him to see.

"You never stood up for me, did you?" You arched an eyebrow, scrutinizing him. "Every time you pointed fingers at me, claiming I should respect others, or accusing me of changing?! Haven't you changed? Do you even care about me? You don't! You weren't like this before! Ever since she came into the picture, you've changed completely!!"

"I..." He was at a loss for words, fully aware that you were right. It was he who had changed, not you. He had turned his back on you, he had stopped caring, he had driven you to this breaking point.

"I've had enough. I don't want to endure it anymore!" You hurled the group badge to the ground, signaling your departure from them. Your actions would be broadcasted to the entire clan through the conference's live feed, marking your exit not just from the team, but from the entire clan. Yet, you felt no remorse; your only concern was for San.

"Let's go." You grasped San's hand and led him away, leaving the other two in your wake.

You only paused once you had pulled him into a cabin, a place where the broadcaster couldn't intrude. You shut the door and immediately checked San's back, anxiety flooding you. Jessica's earlier attack had rattled you. If she had harmed San, you would never forgive her.

"Show me your back, okay? Does it hurt? Did she hurt you??" You said, unbuttoning his shirt with urgency. But San merely gazed at you with affection, relishing your worry for him.

"Hey, say something—"

He abruptly cradled your face in his hands, prompting you to gaze up at him. "Aw~ it warms my heart to see how much you care about me~ you know~"

You let out a frustrated sigh, your eyes rolling. "Can you just be serious for a moment? What if you end up getting hurt? You—"

Suddenly, he leaned down to press his lips against yours. San's kiss took you by surprise at first, but before you knew it, you were melting into the sensation. His lips were soft and warm against yours, and you could feel the heat spreading through your body. He cupped your face, pulling you even closer, and deepened the kiss, causing the heat to intensify even more. 

He kissed you passionately, his tongue exploring your lips and searching for yours. You could hear him gasp against your lips, the sound growing louder and more desperate as he pressed you closer to him. His fingers gripped your hips tightly, as if he was fighting against the urge to take things even further. 

San broke the kiss, panting as he looked at you. "Goodness…" He mumbled, his breath shaky and uneven. "You drive me goddamn insane, you know that?" 

Before you could respond to his words, his lips found their way to your neck, nipping and sucking your skin to mark you as his own. "Mmmm…you taste so good, babe. I can't get enough of you." He ran his tongue over your lips again before slipping it into your mouth, dominating the kiss as he explored it. 

His hands wandered over you, his touch gentle but tinged with a hint of possessiveness. His fingers slid under your shirt, giving you goosebumps as he traced the curves of your bare skin. "God…you feel so good…I could touch you like this all day long and never get tired of it." 

He suddenly yanked at your shirt, making you gasp a bit. "I need this off, now." "San…" Your soft moan drove him wild. He couldn't hold back, quickly unbuttoning your shirt with a sense of urgency, some buttons popping off as he pulled at it roughly. Once the last button was free, he shoved the fabric off your shoulders and tossed it away.

"Much better." 

His lips found your shoulder, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck and onto your chest. San lowered himself to his knees in front of you, his eyes still burning with lust as he looked up at you. He wrapped his arms around your hips, dropping a peck on your stomach. 

"Babe…I want to make you feel good…would you let me?" His hand reached the waistband of your pants as if asking for permission to pull them off. You could do nothing but nod, unable to find your voice as you were overwhelmed by the pleasure he gave you. San grinned, clearly enjoying the effect he was having on you. 

"Good, dear. I promise you will never regret it." San positioned himself even lower, his lips inches away from where you want him most. Your pants dropped on the floor as he pulled them down, leaving you totally exposed to him. Without a warning, his face divided into your thighs, moving his lips all over your sensitive skin. 

The room was quiet, the only sound was your heavy panting and his lips gently grazing against your clit. His tongue flicked out to taste you, licking away the juices flowing out from the core. A soft moan and whimper let out from San's lips as he loved how sweet you taste, how your body squirmed under his touch. 

You couldn't help but arch your back, your fingers digging into the mattress as you tried to hold yourself together. "Please…there…more…" 

"More hm?" He grinned, kissing and biting a bit on your sensitive spot. 

"Fuck…" 

"Here?" He repeated, darting out his tongue to lick over where you needed him the most. No words came out from your mouth but only heavy breathing, he knew that's a point to bring you to the edge and he won't have mercy on it. He kept repeating the same move, but with a little more pressure than the previous one, enjoying how your moan became louder and louder. 

You couldn't help but roll your hips, pushing yourself closer to his lips as if your body was practically screaming for release. Just a little bit more, just more. He got the signals but he wasn't done with you yet. He wanted to draw this out as long as possible, to make you ache and squirm with need. San held back, teasing you with just enough touch to keep the fire burning, but not enough to push you over the edge. 

"San…please…let me come…" You needed him, a gasp escaping your lips to plead for him to give you the release you so desperately need, but he just smiled and continued on. 

"Patient, babe. Just a little longer…" He murmured against your skin. His lips danced over your flesh, never quite touching where you wanted them most. 

You tried to be patient but it was so hard when every bit of you was on fire. Your body was wound so tight, the tension building until you didn't think you could take much more. His tongue traced a path over you, slowly, so slowly, but it was enough to make you arch your back and gasp, your fingers clutching at his hair, tugging little. He started by taking his tongue to taste you, but then he began to move, the wet muscle working slowly, gently. 

"San…hmm…" Just when you thought it was too much, he pulled away, leaving you breathless and wanting for more. He just stood in front of you, a grin tugging on his lips. 

"Beg for it, babe. Tell me how bad you want me." 

"Hm…please…fill me…I need you…"

"Fill you huh?What do you want me to use to fill you up? My tongue? My cock? Or My cum?" 

"Everything…please…don't stop…"

"Everything?You can't be that selfish…dear…You can only choose one…"

"Please…your cum…I need it…just make me feel good…" 

"You ask for it." 

He suddenly pushed you down, positioning himself between your thighs. You could feel his hardened length brushed against your swollen and blushed clit, the wetness from the pre-cum on the tip causing you to squirm a bit. 

"I'll be gentle…at first…" He looked down at you, his eyes were dark and filled with a possessive desire. "But I can't promise what will happen later."

He inhaled sharply, the warmth radiating from you igniting a fire within him that he could no longer resist. With a decisive thrust, he entered you in one seamless motion. A gasp escaped both your lips, the sensation overwhelming as your body instinctively tightened around him, enveloping him completely.

You arched your back, eager to connect with him, your arms encircling his shoulders, drawing him closer. Each movement of his inside you felt like a claim, a possession that left you craving more. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the pleasure he was bringing to you.

San couldn't tell where he ended and you began, so lost was he in the pleasure of being joined with you. The way your body responded to his, the moan and gasp leaving from your lips drove him insane. His body felt like it was on fire, every nerve ending alive with sensation. 

"You're mine." San growled, his words almost unrecognizable through the haze of desire. "Mine to claim, mine to mark, mine to mate…" 

"Yes," You gasped, your voice little more than a whisper. "Yours, I'm yours." You wrapped your legs tighter around his hips, pulling him even deeper inside you, and you could feel the pleasure building inside you like a coiled spring ready to snap. You wanted to give yourself to him completely, to let him possess you in every way. 

"Take me" you pleaded, your nails digging into his skin. "Take me entirely." 

Your words like a trigger to him, your touches driving him closer to the edge, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. He moved even faster, deeper, driven by a primal need to claim you as his own. 

"Yes, honey. You're totally mine. He repeated, his voice ragged. "And I'm going to make sure you never forget it." San lifted your leg over his shoulder, changing the angle of his thrusts. His hard tip directly met the sensitive spot, causing your whole body to tense up. 

"Oh god…don't stop…" The numbness and the excitement mixed together, driving you wild. You gasped and moaned his name over and over again as if it was the only word in your mind. Your hands were everywhere on his body, running over his chest and arms, nails digging into his skin. 

The tension within your body sent a signal to him, your soaked wall tightening around his fat cock each time he shoved to the depth. He knew that you just needed a little more, and he was determined to give it to you in order to push his big knot inside you. 

San leaned down, his mouth finding yours in a fierce, passionate kiss. You kissed him back without care, arching up your torso as you gave him over completely. You were lost in euphoria, lost in the feel of him inside you. Everything was just overwhelming but perfectly balanced. 

A little growl let out from his tongue as he suddenly pulled himself almost all the way out of you, then surged himself back in. "San!!Fuck!!" "You…really…like it..don't you?" You both gave growls which were mixed with moans, and his grip on your hips got tighter. He began to move with more force, letting his instincts completely take over and he was no longer in control of his desire. He wasn't going to stop, not until he had taken you over the edge and pushed his knot inside. 

His eyes roamed on your bare body, enjoying the sight of your chest bouncing up and down from his thrusting. "Look how beautiful you are…only me can pin you like this…Am I right, Y/N?" He suddenly stressed his last words, like he was using all his strength in his lower body to push against your tight walls.  "Answer me." "Ye…yes…Only you…" You squeezed your eyes shut, forcing every breath from your throat. He penetrated so deeply that your entire body began to quiver, caught in the battle to maintain a steady breath.

"Come on. Louder, Y/N. I know how loud you can be." San grinned, slapping his hips right straight to the point you scream out his name loud. He tugged your wrists harshly, making your whole body left in the air. What you could do was wrap your legs around his waist, trying your best to steady yourself while he kept thrusting, thrusting and thrusting. 

The skin slapping sound mixed your high-pitch moan and his heavy panting, making other noises fade away. Your back met the messy mattress once again as he pushed you down and folded you in a mating press. There was no mercy left but only raw emotion. His tip collided with the entrance of your cavity as if asking permission to enter inside. 

"Hm…San…" "Let go," he whispered, his voice rough and gravelly. "Let go, and give in to me." "San…San…" "Come for me," He commanded one more time. "Now."

It was like a bolt of lightning, striking through your body and igniting your euphonia even further. You arched up towards him, your lips meeting his in a breathless kiss. Your body was shaking with the force of the release, juices flowing out like a spring and your wall stretched to allow San to push his knot inside in one go. 

"FUCK!!!" "Hold on, honey…" A cry escaped from your lips as he shoved in without mercy. Excitement and pain blended together and heightened everything between you two. He pulled you up, positioning you to straddle on him. The knot went deeper as the tip entered your deepest, a hot wave running through all over your limbs as his white hot seed filled the cavity. 

You wrapped around his shoulder with your arms, your eyes shutting tightly as he sunk his fangs inside your nape, releasing his pheromones. The primal drive to claim and possess you overwhelming his mind and body. He growled deep in his throat, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he pushed forward, ensuring his seed creamed all your cavity. "God…it feels good…" He let out a low murmur against your neck, the heat spreading through his body as his sperm kept splitting out non stop, filling your cavity literally full. 

"San…it's…too much…" You breathed, still trying to catch your breath after the high. "I…I can't…" "Behave." He gave your hips a smack to silence you, his grip tight on your backside to keep you in place. The way your walls clenched around him, pulling him in deeper and sucked the sperm in drove him wild. He was obsessed with this feeling, the thought that you were entirely his, and he would make sure you must his, completely and utterly. 

"Fuck…babe…" He let out a long throaty moan before capturing your lips in a fervent, possessive kiss, his body pressing against yours in a relentless, commanding rhythm. "You belong to me now… eternally mine…" he breathed against your mouth, his voice a low, urgent whisper. Just as you opened your mouth to respond, his lips crashed against yours once more, his tongue delving into your mouth with a wild, primal fervor. 

As the pleasure subsided, the kisses became less passionate but instead tender and soft. He held you in his arms, slowly parting from your lips and pressing several soft kisses all over your face and neck. His touch was gentle and loving, different from his rough self. "You're beautiful…Everything about you is just perfect…" 

You smiled weakly, your body still trembling with aftershocks. "You're not so bad yourself," you managed to say, your voice a little hoarse. 

"Not so bad?" San asked, feigning offense. "Is that all you have to say to me after I just rocked your world?" A cheeky grin spread across his face. "I'm hurt, sweetheart. Hurt."

"You're not really hurt," you said, rolling your eyes at his playful pout. "You just like making a big deal out of yourself." 

San pretended to ponder this for a moment before speaking. "You might be right," he finally admitted. "But can you really blame me? I am pretty amazing." He gave you another cheeky grin.

You rested your head on his shoulder, smiling a bit. "I have nowhere to go now… but you knitted me…that means I'll follow you everywhere."

"That's my pleasure." San responds to you with a loving smile, giving you another deep kiss. "I'll never let you go from me."

"Is that a promise?" 

"That's a swear." He pushed you down on the bed again before drawing you into a passionate kiss. 

At this point, everything else fades into insignificance. Yunho and Jessica who once occupied your thoughts are now mere shadows; your heart is set on being with San, and nothing else holds any weight…

Oh... it seems the game has slipped your minds entirely as well.

tag list: @angelsaway, @yeosangcutie0615, @monsta-x-jagi

[agirlwithglam]

📚 It girl's guide to school 📚

hiii girls! this is part of the big Guide to being the It Girl. this section will be all about school, studying and academics. i'll teach you how to tackle school, get the highest grades effortlessly, and look chic and gorgeous doing it! the rest of the ultimate it girl series is linked! 🎀

guide to getting good grades:

LISTEN IN CLASS. one of the best tips ever. if you would actually listen to what your teachers teaching in class, you’d get to spend a lot less time studying.

ask if you need help! these teachers are qualified for the job, they’re meant to be good at it. so if you don’t understand something, don’t be afraid to ask. and if you’re really too much of a chicken, ask once the class is over or email the teacher. but honestly? half the kids probably aren’t even listening tbh so u do ur thing!

participate in class. actually participating in class will help you so much in recalling the information. it’s a great way to actively revise. you don’t have to be a teachers pet or anything, but if you know the answer, put yourself out there. anyone who judges you simply judges themselves and their inability to speak up.

change up your environment so that you're still interested and excited to learn! you could go to a coffee shop, set up a mini picnic in the woods, go to a library, etc.

use alter egos!! i will never stop recommending this because it really is an amazing tip. either you can create your own alter ego who loves to study and gets high grades, or you could pretend you're rory gilmore or hermione granger!

revision/ study techniques:

feynman technique: teach it to someone else/ to plushies. try not to look at your notes too much, pretend ur a teacher.

use practice questions/ practice exams! trust me this can be so helpful! try and find past exams and go over them in exam conditions so you can see what u missed later. or, you can get all the info and ask an AI like chatgpt to write questions based on it and go through them!

BLURTING! love this method! basically, you write all the information you know about the topic on one page (optional: set a time limit) and then go over it with a different colour pen and add in what you missed. do this a couple times until you haven't missed anything! - you can do this by creating a mind-map, or literally just scribbling down everything you know.

SQ3R method: survey/ skim over the text, question- make questions on it, read- begin reading to find the answers to the questions, recite- summarise the words in a section in your own words, review- quiz yourself on what you just learnt

organise/ prioritise what you need to study using the traffic light method. first, identify the topics, then highlight them according to these 3 colors: red- struggling a lot/ no idea , yellow- okay ish, need to work on it a bit tho , green- good understanding & confident on the topic.

make associations. this is especially helpful for when you need to memorise things. the thing you need to memorise- link it to stuff that you already know.

⭐️ use mnemonics, songs, raps to remember! a couple years back, my science teacher made us create a rap on osmosis (a biology term). and not even kidding, i still remember the simple definition of what it does because of that rap! so create songs or rap and maybe even make a whole music video on it! trust me, not only is it so fun but it really does help keep the information in your mind!

more resources:

huge big list of studying and school

another big study masterpost

100 reasons to study

how to be a whole new student this year

ACE your exams -by me!

study icons:

as i mentioned earlier, channelling the energy of a character who already studies and gets good grades is an amazing way of getting yourself motivated! here are some of my favs & tips to study like them! (p.s i've also added links to the names for a more in depth guide on each person!)

♡ rory gilmore

she loves studying- develop that mindset! have a passion for learning more.

"i can go from 0 to studying in less than 60 seconds"

switch between different subjects when you get bored

ask someone to test you with flashcards

♡ elle woods:

study while you exercise- take care of ur body too!

"what, like its hard?"- i love her sm for this!! if anyone else can do something, of course you can do it too!

be ambitious + have strong source of motivation

get into study groups

♡ paris geller

have the discipline and ambition to do the things that will get you to where you want.

"i want to win, and i'm going to win." - love this, she's sure of herself and confident in her abilities.

prioritise & use to do lists

start early to be the top of your class!

♡ blair waldorf

honestly its so fun to embody her energy of high value, cares about her education, so confident and takes no sh*t from others!

"anything you can do, i can do better"

always have a plan

have flash cards, take notes

♡ hermione granger

always participate in class!

read more about the material. + learn more!

teach others & help them study

finish the hw/ work quickly and do the extra credit!

stylish in school 101:

SURVIVING SCHOOL AIR: here are some tips to staying/ looking pretty and refreshed all day at school bc u and i both know the horrors of school air 🙀 :)

DRINK WATER. stay hydrated - very important. always drink water. this keeps your lips hydrated, face hydrated, and just makes you look a lil less dead.

lip gloss/ lip balm to reapply throughout the day, esp for my girlies with chapped lips! i keep lip balm in my pocket so its always there when needed, but you can also keep it in your locker/ bag/ pencil case.

perfume. you can keep it in your locker/ bag/ pencil case to spray whenever needed and smell sweet and amazing the entire day <3

stop touching your face!! your hands have so much crusty dust and bacteria that can give pimples on your face.

keep hair away from your face. leave it out if you want, but try to make sure it doesn't touch your face too much- it also has tons of crusty musty dusty germs

keep a hairbrush in your locker. listen, i know how messy hair can get during school so keeping it in school is SO helpful to maintain the tidyness and cleanliness

waterproof makeup - if you wear makeup.

sunscreen!! keep. applying. SUNSCREENN!! i'm not going to elaborate further on this point.

ACCESSORISING YOUR UNIFORM!!

this is for the girlies who have a school uniform! i understand it can be so annoying so to have more fun and feel more confident, ACCESSORIZEE everything as much as you're allowed! here are some ideas!

♡ necklesses

♡ bracelets

♡ bows in your hair

♡ bows in your bag

♡ bows everywhere basically 🎀

♡ decorate your ipad/ pencilcase with stickers

♡ headbands

♡ rings

♡ cute earrings

♡ cute watch

♡ nails

♡ a cute clip!

the ultimate it girl series

xoxo, vanilla!

[felassan]

Some more DA:TV and related snippets from Sylvia Feketekuty, Part 5. rest of post under a cut due to length and spoilers. [Post One, Post Two, Post Three, Post Four]

Sylvia Feketekuty: "I agree, the Necropolis IS gorgeous, I was blessed with wonderful level artists, lighting artists, and a fantastic LD who poured their hearts into making it it." [source]

Sylvia: ""But what does Manfred think about Spite?" Good question. Manfred is curious, as always, and can probably sense Spite's on his own plane of existence (in other words, another spirit.) But Manfred also doesn't have a greatly evolved sense of danger, he might not understand Spite's "moodier" moments. I also think Manfred isn't as sophisticated a spirit as Spite at the start of the game. (Though don't let Emmrich catch you saying that!)" [source, two]

Sylvia on Emmrich: "He was a team effort, and I have to especially thank the writers and editors for their early feedback that helped shape him. Emmrich wouldn't have worked as well otherwise." [source]

Sylvia: "it's a huge honour to work on a character who's someone's favorite anything, let alone romance. (Huge props to Allegra, her actor, who just got Josie right away.)" [source]

Sylvia: ""With Cassandra being our only POV into Nevarra" Poor Cassandra. (Emmrich has such respect for her uncle's books!) "There's a lot of deep respect and empathy for all the ways people relate with death and I appreciate it"" Thanks, that was something I'd so hoped would come through." [source]

Sylvia: "It really was a team that brought Emmrich, the Necropolis, and the rest of its guardians to life, I know everyone would be thrilled to know you enjoyed it so much." [source]

User: "Emmrich's fear of mortality really hit hard. Some of those lines are etched into my heart now. Thanks to everyone who helped put that deeply relatable and human experience into the game" // Sylvia: "It was kind of the core of Emmrich, writing the part where he opens up about his fears, so thank you for sharing that, it means a lot." [source]

Sylvia: "I loved writing the MW branches and letting people be a nerdier flavour of Rook with Emmrich." [source]

User: "Nevarra, Mourn Watch and in particular Emmrich's personal missions were amazing! The whimsical and the grotesque in perfect balance. When I replay next year I'll be looking forward to those missions the most!" // Sylvia: "Especial praise goes to the level designers for tackling a bunch of complex stuff in those missions as we planned them out." [source]

Sylvia: "I think we can all agree Emmrich might be a touch eccentric, but I really wanted his interests and compassionate outlook to be heartfelt, so this is lovely to hear." [source]

User: "I was so nervous about the whole Necropolis gang as I have PTSD and a major fear of death. So when Emmrich confided in Rook about his own fear, I was struck with such an unexpected comfort. I've never heard someone describe my own fears and how they make me feel so perfectly." // Sylvia: "Thank you, Bibi. It's a very familiar fear for me as well, and I find sometimes talking about it can ease things. So I'm very glad to hear Emmrich's thoughts on it were helpful for you." [source]

Sylvia: "I like a good sinister necromancer, but really wanted to try something different with the Mourn Watch, something more akin to a sacred duty." [source]

Sylvia on the Necropolis: "The concept, lighting, and level artists, and the level designer, did so much cool stuff there IMO. Seeing it with the final art and lighting in for the first time was a thrill for me too." [source]

User: "special thanks for the Terry Pratchett references in the form and speech of Vorgoth. I don't know exactly whose idea it was, but it was great!" // Sylvia: "Aw thank you so much! Re: Terry Pratchett: oh man, I read nearly every Discworld book multiple times, absolute favorites growing up." [source]

User: "I kinda of assumed that Emmrich just calculates age in academia terms, so no matter how many physical years old your Rook is, you're just a tiny baby who hasn't completed a necromancy phd. "When I was your age" = "When I was a TA."" // Sylvia: "Yes, yes that math checks out." [source]

User on Emmrich: "how refreshing it was to have an argument with a LI that’s specific to their relationship. It gives the characters such texture and dimension!" // Sylvia: "Aw thank you! I liked the tone range we ended up having between everyone, it was more rewarding to do." [source]

User: "Would you guys ever expand more on Nevarra and its culture? I loved seeing the Necropolis, and hope we revisit it. But I'll be honest when I say it made me curious what life in Nevarra is like, and how infused Nevarra's Mortalitasi are with average Nevarran life." // Sylvia: "Since I've left the company, that's not really in my hands, so there's not much I can say. But I get what you mean, because the Mourn Watch are a subbranch of the Mortalitasi with a very special field of study and service. We don't really get much about everyday Nevarra. So whoever tackles that in the future, if they ever do: I think that could be neat. Lots of room to explore different dynamics and customs!" [source, two]

User: "I adore Emmrich, he's so sweet & so thoughtful! I especially adore his love for flowers, and I personally interpreted that as a hint from the writers (you!) that choosing to embrace his fleeting mortality, like the fleeting beauty of flowers, was his "good" path - is that correct? What's your take?" // Sylvia: "I tried really hard to make either choice feel like it could be the right one for him, because I wanted it to be more about a player's own interpretation-and their relationship with him-than author fiat hinting at which one is correct. Also thank you for the kind words! I really liked writing Emmrich enthusing about flowers." [source, two] // User: "He's such a charming character, the vibes of him and Josephine are among some of my favorites in the series, thank you for helping to shape them and for being kind enough to answer my question! Do you, personally, have a preference for which choice Emmrich makes? It's a tough call to make in game!" // Sylvia: "I'm afraid, like a coward, I've not stated a preference because I don't want to accidentally influence people into thinking one was right or not. I'm also in a weird place where as the person writing him, my thoughts are far less subjective in weird recursive ways. If that makes sense." [source]

User: "do you have a favorite flower? It was such a lovely detail in Emmrich's character and it warms my heart to know writing that was enjoyable for you" // Sylvia: "It kind of changes depending on what's growing during the season, but while it's very common, you can't beat the scent of a rose. (Fond of lilacs too)" [source]

User: "Did you have any role in Manfred's wisp being lilac when/if you bring him back? That detail made me bawl 😭 Manfred was so shaped by "living" with Emmrich that his essence became Em's favorite color?! The only wisp we see to do so?" // Sylvia: "I wish! I actually don't know who did that. I'd assume that colour was chosen by one of our animators, or maybe the LD, so perhaps they added in that detail, which is adorable. (Carly, Derek Wilks, was this either of you?)" [source] // Derek Wilks: "I think that was someone in VFX actually!" [source]

Sylvia: "Glad you enjoyed the graveyard date, our animators and music director did wonders there." [source]

User: "Can you give us any hints on when Dorian spent some time at the necropolis? I need to know their circumstances for science (how old was Dorian back then? I could imagine he had a crush on the professor lol)" // Sylvia: "I'm going to chicken out and not pin that down (sorry.) Since I've left BW, my answer would be even more non-canonical than usual, because that would've been something I'd have wanted to talk over with the other writers. But by that same token, nothing I've said invalidates what you want to imagine." [source]

Sylvia on Emmrich: "I am flattered to hear he has become a favorite romance, the team went all out on him." [source] // Sylvia: "So many people worked on those scenes: animation, art, audio, the editors, and huge kudos to his actor Nick Borraine." [source]

Sylvia: "I THINK Emmrich is 6'2 or 6'3, but you'd need a character artist to confirm." [source]

User: "Do the necromancers of the Grand Necropolis have their own sort of culture? Like perhaps their own rituals for marriage, courting, etc.?" // Sylvia: "Hrm. Good question. I'm sure they have some individual quirks and traditions, like any long-running institution. But they probably don't deviate unrecognizably from the mortalitasi norm." [source]

Sylvia: ""i also played a trans rook, and some of emmrich's content for a romanced trans rook made for probably some of the best romance content of all time for me." That's so nice to hear, and I must give credit to some trans people who kindly took the time to give me feedback that made those lines better." [source]

User: "1) are Tevinter exchange students like Dorian common? 2) what are some of the other fraternities of the Mortalitasi? 3) do members of the Mourn Watch often attend social events with the Nevarran elite like other Mortalitasi?" // Sylvia: "1) Yeah, I think they're not uncommon. I took my inspiration from The Grand Tour, and thought it would make sense if Tevinter sent out some of the wealthier scions to see the world a little, pick up a few new spells. [link] 2) I'm afraid I've deliberately left this one blank, for future people to fill in if/when the need arises. Emmrich complains about the palace necromancers, so we do know there's a special cadre of mortalitasi running the show over there. 3. Absolutely. The MW are pretty prestigious in Nevarra with their running the Grand Necropolis. Much as Emmrich dislikes politics himself, there's probably a lot going on at the top." [source, two, three]

User: "Do you think Lich Emmrich would eventually be told by the Lich Lords to sever his mortal ties and return with them to the depths of the Necropolis? It seems like he’s willing to break all their rules to keep Rook with him" // Sylvia: "I'm afraid defining Emmrich's duties/responsibilities/required conduct as a lich would very much be something I'd leave up to the future (even if I were still at BW.) Kind of too big a topic for me to want to speculate here." [source]

User: "did you have a hand in designing how emmrich looks?" // Sylvia: "Yep, I gave feedback as his design progressed. Our concept artists really got him very early on, though, so it was smaller stuff." [source] // User: "was he at all inspired by Peter Cushing & his hammer film characters? He really gives off van Helsing vibes to me" // Sylvia: "Time permitting I want to do a post on influences, but you got it in one exactly. It was specifically the Hammer films I was thinking about!" [source] // User: "would Rudolph van Richten from Curse of Strahd be on his list of influences?" // Sylvia: "I'm afraid, to my shame, I never read much of the core Ravenloft books, so that one's a no." [source]

User: "I needed you to know that Emmerich's conversation in the Memorial Gardens about his thanaphobia really got me. I could never put the words together of what thanaphobia feels like, and his description is perfect." // Sylvia: "It's a familiar feeling to me as well, and I'm glad it rang true." [source]

User: "I've got a really severe death phobia that's been flaring recently, and emmrich's conversation about it captured the feeling perfectly and helped lessen the weight for me" // Sylvia: "I find at least discussing it can ease it, sometimes, so I'm very glad to hear getting to know Emmrich helped in that way." [source]

Sylvia: "Hezenkoss was a blast to write so I'm glad she clicked for you. "preposterous is what you wore to a bog, Orlesian" Oh wow, Skywatcher! It's been an age, so glad that line stuck with you. That takes me back!" [source]

Sylvia: ""And yet I ask the question - what attracts Emmerich to the Hand? Yes, the answer is “perseverance”, but I think this is not fully explored." Do you mean the Hand of Glory specifically? He's intrigued and disturbed by the magic around it, which is why he hones on it, even before he knows its origin" [source]

Sylvia: ""I was wondering if you could tell us about his & Manfred's first meeting or notable moments in their friendship?" This feels like something I'd probably want to leave more to the imagination. And because I'm not a BW anymore, answers would be even more non-canonical than normal. All that said, for some reason, I always pictured Emmrich being alone in the Necropolis the first time Manfred's wisp floated up to him to peer at what he was doing. It just seems a little more poignant that way." [source, two]

Sylvia: "All credit to the team, especially the writers and editors who gave feedback that made [Emmrich] so much better during those early days and beyond." [source]

User: "me + a handful of people were wondering about non-mage mourn watchers! id love to hear your notes/thoughts about them! b/c i didnt remember hearing how they become MW or if reaper uses death magic!" // Sylvia: "Sure! Not much to say, though, I think the MW is likely a mage majority fraternity that accepts a few non-mages who have exceptional skills and temperaments sympathetic to the Necropolis. A warrior of great renown, a rogue of exceptional stealth and quiet, a baby found down there in a grave, and so forth. They'd certainly undergo the same kind of oaths and bindings every Watcher goes through. I always pictured them being provided with the best enchanted gear the MW has to offer too." [source, two]

User: "Hi! About Emmerich being a professor—does he teach at a Circle, or is he specifically a professor to other MWers and Mortalitasi? It seems like the MW has some sort of official schooling for its members since he regularly takes on students each year, could you comment on that at all?" // Sylvia: ""It seems like the MW has some sort of official schooling for its members since he regularly takes on students each year, could you comment on that at all? " Sure, but I think you have it, the MW seems to want to raise well-rounded students with a classical education on top of magecraft. In my mind, it was because they saw every MW as representing the Grand Necropolis, so of course they wanted its members to have training in etiquette and history and generally be able to move in polite society." [source, two]

User: "If I remember correctly, we only really see Emmrich use necromantic magic in-game. Are there other types of magic (elemental, healing/spirit, etc) that you think he would gravitate toward?" // Sylvia: "Hrm. He does have a bit of healing magic, mechanically in combat. It coudl work, but somehow I don't think Emmrich would ever be a high-level healer. He could maybe get the basics but it's not his great gift. Something about the gravic magic of the force mage specialty feels appropriate though." [source]

Sylvia: ""would it be possible for a (romanced) MW Rook join Emmrich in linchdom, eventually?" Yes: Rook can try, bc it's not forbidden to seek the knowledge out. (Emmrich makes it clear Hezenkoss pieced some of it together herself, so we've also seen another mage get it almost-right) It is very hard and probably takes decades to accomplish (and of course, there's no guarantee Rook would survive.) But everything written in game points to there being a chance." [source, two]

User: "I’ve been thinking a little about it and I know it’s mentioned in the game he would be interested in visiting - but how would Emmrich feel about visiting the Avvar in the south? They are one of the few groups that show respect for spirits in a similar way and I imagine he’d have a lot of questions." // Sylvia: "He'd probably love it. He'd be fascinated by their relationship with spirits, in the ways it mirrors and deviates from the Mourn Watchers' own practices. (I imagine there is also like a 15% chance he gets into a heated argument with one of them over a fine point of how spirits work exactly.)" [source]

User: "congratulations on another achievement, Emmrich took the silver trophy" // Sylvia: "I was so excited to see we'd gotten the silver trophy! I hope everyone who worked on him sees that." [source]

User: "Is there anywhere we can follow your future work after this account gets shut down ?" // Sylvia: "TBH I'll probably just reopen it it there's any cool news to share since I don't have a website or anything. (I THINK I can just reactivate it?)" [source]

User: "Thank you for Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet, emmrich, Liara and Leigon!!!!" // Sylvia: "Thank you! (I should mention I was only a part of Legion in ME3 - specifically the N7 mission into the Geth Consensus. Great fun to work on that level though.)" [source]

Sylvia: "I'm lucky to have had the chance to bring Emmrich and Josephine to you all with the rest of the team." [source]

Sylvia: ""I still remember when you introduced yourself on old BSN when Lair of the Shadow Broker came out." Wow, you're right I did! That is a blast from the past. Thank you for the kind words!" [source]

User: "Just wanted to say thank you for all the amazing characters you helped bring to life in DA and ME. I really enjoyed Emmrich and Hezenkoss in DAV. The dynamic between them really made me laugh" // Sylvia: "Thanks! That was one of my favorite pairs to write, the history between them meant everything was always a little more personal, which is always fun." [source]

Sylvia: "Thanks Janette, loved writing Hollix." [source]

User: "Elements of Emmerich's costume resemble the Cerberus logo from ME. Is this just a reference or is there something more to it?" // Sylvia: "Gee, I can't say for sure because I didn't make it, but I'd assume that one's just a coincidence (since the Mourn Watch and Necropolis use hexagonal shapes as their primary shape language)" [source]

User: "I can just tell how well Emmrich is written along his fear. I lost my fear of death and dying as I began to honor the dead." // Sylvia: "I do think talking and thinking about these things more than we normally do helps eases the fear." [source]

Sylvia: "Thank you for these lovely thoughts. I did read some books about different customs around death, and I know a little about pagan/occult/magic practices (in a very basic and generalist sense.) So it doesn't surprise me per se, but I am very glad to hear getting to know Emmrich was a positive thing. And I'm also very glad to hear he's someone you feel you can take into the future with you as a helpful friend." [source, two]

Sylvia: ""Does Emmrich have any guilty pleasures?" Huh. Excellent question. I should really be more decisive about my own character, but while I think that could be fun, I'm not sure what it would be. "Oh one other question , is there a part of thedas you wish you could of explored but wasn't able to be in game?" I've always been interested in the sinister sounding Sea of Ash. What goes on over there???" [source, two]

User: "i have a silly little question bc i also love emmrich. was his scene revealing lichdom to everyone meant to parallel a trans coming out or was that accidental? because i felt on an existential level the thrill of revealing who you are, but also fearing people would be afraid or treat you differently. (and then there's strife discussions, and putting up a glamour some places but not others, and the blooming but gentle self-confidence... he is very transgender to me)" // Sylvia: "Not a silly question at all! After writing the scene I wondered if people would see similarities because of those overlapping themes you pointed out: the dignity of bodily self-determination, revealing your true self to those you love, fear of rejection, hope for acceptance. But during the writing, I mostly approached becoming undead as its own thing, because I wanted to ground it in the MW's particular philosophy. I think there's parallels because of the way the human personal is universal, if that makes sense. That said, if this does feel very transgender to you or anyone else (or not), I'm not against varied interpretations. That's one of the cool things about seeing people actually get their hands on your work." [source, two, three]

User: "I'm not sure what Emmrich's hairstyle is, slickback?" // Sylvia: "Good question. Afraid I don't know what it'd be called either. Googling it, slickback LOOKS correct?" [source]

User: "Emmrich has definitely developed a special bond with Bellara and Lucanis, and yet, both of them don't comment on his relationship with Rook! What would you say their reaction was? Their banter was so good I'm sure we'd all love to know what Emmrich had to say!" // Sylvia: "Ah, that one I'm afraid I can't answer since I'm not their writer, and that would've been something I would've discussed with the narrative team together. Sorry!" [source]

Sylvia: "Nick was indeed brilliant!" [source]

User: "Ive got quite bad thanatophobia and Emmerich's writing is one of the only times I've seen that dealt with actually respectfully." // Sylvia: "Thanks very much! I've experienced that fear, and I suspect it's way more common than we think, and I'm glad to hear it felt that way to you." [source]

User: "My HOF was a spirit healer, very kind & very curious, & for years I've considered how that special connection to spirits might lend itself to an interest in Thedan necromancy & puzzling out where spirits & souls begin & end. Emmrich, Manfred/Curiosity and the wisps gave me so much to think about!" // Sylvia: "that's interesting about your HOF. They may've found some kindred spirits if they ever ventured further north." [source]

User: [was] "Dorian was taken over by a nominated writer for veilguard or if his legacy was more of a team effort ?" // Sylvia: "Dorian was in the capable hands of Writer Chee" [source]

User: "I’m also dying to know what Emmrich did during Rook's stint in the prison-my thought is he not only did the majority of the work on finding Rook, but in leading the team, prob finishing touches on the dagger clone, keeping the team together in Rook’s absence while barely holding himself together at times" // Sylvia: "I think he was indeed having some very sleepless, guilt-wracked nights, working himself too hard, and trying his best on that dagger." [source]

User: "I just wanted to tell you that I love Emmrich's part of the lighthouse the books the fact that it's right next to rook's room and that johanna is in it later and that you can talk to her" // Sylvia: "Thank you! I love what the level artist there did, it's such a cozy den of a place. And I'm glad you liked meeting Hezenkoss afterwards, all praise to the level and tech designers who got her in there." [source]

User: "Are the Watchers overall vegetarian, or was it a personal preference Emmrich developed?" // Sylvia: "I think it's a thing among some Watchers, but not all. Because they think a lot about life and death and the cycle of life, and their place in it, and what constitutes a death they feel comfortable with or not. My actual, original inspiration for it was from an old Call of Cthulhu TRPG book about Miskatonic University, set in the 1920s. There was a great little detail about the campus having a cafeteria that serves vegetarians. And when I read it, I got a little jolt because I was so used to vegetarianism in North America being portrayed as a relatively modern movement. But of COURSE there's always exceptions and cultural enclaves and so on. Just one of those moments you feel your understanding of what we were up to in the past shift a little, even if it felt obvious in retrospect." [source, two, three, four]

Sylvia re: writing Manfred: "Yep, Manfred was my guy too." [source]

Sylvia: "I'm glad you enjoyed meeting our gentleman necromancer. (Full credit to the great feedback I got from the other writers and editors early on, he wouldn't be as good without them.)" [source]

User: "I was curious I know none of emmrich's serious relationships ended up panning out But like did any of them get to the point that him and his partner at the time shared a living space I'm wondering if emmrich has ever lived with anyone besides manfred" // Sylvia: "That's an interesting question. Like a coward I will hedge my bets, but I could MAYBE see a few. Not many though." [source]

[asexualbookbird]

It sure has been a Year huh. Ups and downs this month, as life happens. Saw friends I haven't seen in years, went into the city and met new friends, tried new foods, saw some birds, tried new crafts, read new books.

The Fireborne Blade by Charlotte Bond ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Hm! Interesting! Didn't hate it, but something feels missing? Almost like it could've benefited from being at the very least a short novel. It needed more. I also have qualms at this being pitched as sapphic when there is no romance at all and the main character talks a lot about being betrayed by her last romance with a man. One mention of Woman With Hot Thighs. Not mad I read it, might even read it again.

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon by Kimberly Lemming ⭐️⭐️ ‐ I'll be honest, one star is Mean but I had a lot more fun reading Fourth Wing and that was two stars. The tone is what dragged this one down for me. It reads like YA, but it's very much not. I do not believe for a second the MC is 24, she doesn't act like it at all. The sex scenes. Are there. I could make an entire post about the book ending on them having penetrative PiV sex. Part of my grievances are me not liking the genre, but I truly think this just isn't that good. Plenty of people on the internet write better more filthy works for free. Why was this sitting unassumingly on the library shelf.

*amended to two stars if this is indeed satire

The Dead Cat Tail Assassins by P Djèlí Clark ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Fine. Not much to say because it was Completely Average. Not mad I read it, but don't wish to repeat the experience. I think maybe Clark isn't an author for me, as I recall feeling similarly about A Master of Djinn. It's not so much that the characters or world feel flat, but something definitely feels missing. It was silly and lighthearted and gory and I did like that though!

The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Another hit from Sarah Beth Durst. I see your Themes. I see your Tropes. Kindness. Found family. Accepting help. All personal attacks on me. Adorable, fun, some sort of cross between T Kingfisher and Becky Chambers, I didn't want it to end, and now have a name for my spider plant. It also seems like I need to get my spider plant a friend.

The Woods All Black by Lee Mandelo ⭐️⭐️ - I have very mixed feelings about this that are really summarized as This Wasn't For Me. I like the idea that yeah you're a monster but someone loves you anyway. I like using the monster to punish those who called you one. I think there's some very specific midwestern religious trauma that I'm missing to really Get It, though. On top of that, while I recognize the themes and significance in the age gap, a 30 year old going after an 18 year old icks me out. I'd still recommend it with very very heavy reservations.

The Spare Man by Mary Robinette Kowal ⭐⭐ - Going to be honest, I just finished this and I'm already moving on. The writing was fine and I'm not put off of the author entirely, but I never felt wowed. I was annoyed more than anything. I didn't love any of the characters, but I didn't really hate anyone either. The amount of people Tesla let pet her service dog drove me nuts. The ending felt slapped together. It never really felt cohesive. I feel vindicated reading that fans of her other books also were unimpressed with this. I wouldn't steer people away from it, but I didn't have a lot of fun.

I'm tentatively excited for February. I have art ideas I'd like to get started on, I am working on a craft thing that I might be able to profit a bit off of, I'm flat out ignoring the world, book club is approaching. I'm looking for good things in the world, and I will find them. That is a threat.

[259kmvn]

campfire

– two researchers confess in the wild | albedo x reader fluff

expeditions with albedo are... interesting. often, he is lost in thought- treading unsteady grounds with ease and crouching down occasionally to satisfy his interests. you're always a few paces behind him. watching for the security of his own steps so you can replicate it for yourself.

you don't talk. not unless he's found something to point out to you that he deems relevant to your research. sometimes it's a naturally occurring phenomenon like a flower; sometimes it's an alchemic test. the point is that during expeditions, he does his own research and you do yours.

seeing him at work, you have to admit that albedo is leagues above you in terms of knowledge. yes, you are fully capable of bearing your own footing, but yours is nothing but a drop of water compared to albedo's ocean.

that has never stopped him from treating you as his equal, however. whenever he speaks to you, he makes sure never to insult your intelligence. most important to him is that you ask when you don't understand; and that's exactly what you do. to him, this is a comfortable relationship- neither too co-dependent nor too detached.

"this is a good place to settle," albedo announces to you as he scans the area. you scan too, taking in the small expanse of open space surrounded by tall, protective trees. there are logs surrounding traces of ashes- telling you that this place has been rested at before. you look up and see the warm evening sky. he's right. it's a cosy place.

"are you sure?" you ask out of courtesy. the only reason he's offering a place to rest, after all, is because you're a human and you need it. "i don't mind going a bit further. i read somewhere that there's an interesting cave past the river right in front- perhaps you'd like to see?"

he turns to you, pauses, and smiles. "i appreciate it, y/n. i would like some time to consolidate my findings, however. we can visit the cave tomorrow." you nod in understanding. "alright."

as you settle down and prepare your items for sleep, you notice albedo sitting on a log- thoughtfully gazing at the horizon peeking between the trees. the sleeping bag in your hands drops with a 'plop' and you straighten it out. once you're satisfied with the placement, you head towards him.

he says nothing when you sit on an adjacent log. it's completely silent- save for the birds' woos and insects' chirps. and yet, the both of you are comfortable. the light silence continues for a while, until the skies are dark and your bones start to get chilly. you let out a cold breath that catches his attention.

"it's getting cold- i'll go start a fire," you tell him, standing up to grab some loose sticks. his acknowledgment is a distracted hum.

you can tell that he's deep in his thoughts while his eyes follow you around. try as you might, his heavy gaze is hard to ignore. "something the matter, albedo? anything i can help with?" you call out while continuing your motions. he blinks.

"this place isn't safe for humans like you." you pause. he must sense your confusion because he continues, "there are too many endangering factors. wild creatures, unpredictable weather, poisonous foods-" and to that you chuckle. for he has had to save you from an unfortunate stomach illness during one of the expeditions- and it's the kind of experience that you can only laugh at in hindsight.

the actual experience, however, was a lot more scary than you'd like to admit.

"y/n!" albedo's voice rang in your ears as you belched out all the contents of your stomach. there was a pungent, acidic smell to it- and an acidic feel. your whole digestive system was burning, and you could not stop puking.

"fuck, fuck, fuck! i knew i shouldn't have let you eat those fruits- i should have known they were poisonous- fuck!" you can't see, but his hands grappled at everything he could reach- his belongings, his notes, his hair; clamorous in finding a way to help.

with one hand gripping your stomach, you reached out to him with the other. you muster whatever breath you could before heaving, "water.." and his noisy panic went into a silent task-mode. after he handed a canteen of water to you, he waited. softly patting your back to soothe what little he could.

your vomiting lasted for a week- although it stopped being so persistent after the first night. the expedition ended early and you rested at home, away from your research and away from albedo. still, you saw him everyday.

busy as he is, the man brought you flowers and gave you fruits for every visit. says he feels guilty even though you insist that the choice to consume was yours. he made sure you were fully healthy before letting you do any work again- and even then, he's still constantly worried for your wellbeing.

"-so i don't think you should continue following me on my expeditions." you drop the loose sticks on top of ash traces and squat down to work a fire up. but your mind continues running. you look at him. "but how about you, bedo?"

he delicately leaves the log and joins you on the ground, arranging the sticks you brought. "i'm synthetic. i'll be alright." you stare at his synthetic hands that carefully shift the pieces of wood. he mentions this often- that he's synthetic; that he's a creation made to explore the world. that once his task is accomplished, an enormous feat as it is, he will have no more purpose to be. you've never been able to sit with that.

"..what does being synthetic mean to you?" you decide to ask as sparks fly from the friction of your rocks. the question, though laced with your own discomforts, is otherwise genuine.

you seem to have stirred something in him, because his eyebrows twitch in a way you've seen when he discovers something unexpected. "it means.. that i can explore the world ungirded. that i can pursue my task of finding the meaning of this world."

you frown. "and after that?"

he frowns. "after i accomplish it, if i were ever to, then i would perish."

you frown harder. "i don't think so."

a fire bursts from your rocks and crackles atop the firewood. albedo's eyebrows lift- a sign of intrigue and curiosity. you look into the teal of his eyes that reflect the flickering fire. he awaits your explanation, patient as he sees your thoughts gather behind your own eyes.

"i think.. you're more than your task," you start, your voice slow and certain. "maybe you see yourself differently, but.." you get warmer as you speak. not only because of the fire, but you notice a new warmth engulfing your heart.

"the albedo i know would bring me flowers and fruits when i was sick. he would panic when i vomited, and end the expedition early. the albedo i know.. worries about the people he cares about, and would protect me and keep me safe from any danger. the albedo i know would help me with a fire even though he's got better things to do."

with every word your smile grows, recalling the feelings of affection that bloomed in your heart with his every action. "you're already so good at your task, i mean- i admire your determination and willingness to go above and beyond- but you're also so good at everything else too."

at this point you're rambling, but you don't mind. because the look on his face is something you wish you could capture to keep forever. his lips are pressed together, twitching ever so slightly as if he was contemplating smiling. there's a bashful tinge in his eyes and on the apples of his cheeks. you take it all in, along with your feelings, and slowly the pieces fit together. you finally realise-

you like him.

"what?"

shit. did you say that out loud?

"i.. yeah," your gaze sheepishly lands on the ground between you. "i like you, albedo."

somehow, you don't feel nervous about your accidental confession. rather, there's a new strength in you to continue working with him- following his expeditions. because you not only have things to learn from the world, but you have much to learn from him. regardless of whether he returns your feelings or not.

from the corner of your eye, you see him slowly reaching out for your hand, gently touching the tips of your fingers. you return your gaze to his. "i.. i've still got a lot to learn about emotions," he states, and you wonder if he's saying that to you or to himself. "but i'd love to learn, not just.. not just for research, but for-" you understand that this may be a leap for him. your fingers curl around his.

"for myself. for you, as well. i think.. i've come to like you, y/n." a small smile graces his lips.

"it may take a while for me to grasp these concepts," he continues in true albedo fashion, "but i trust you to be patient with me. you'll teach me as well, won't you?"

somehow, your heart races at this. the albedo, from whom you've been learning, requesting that you teach him. you, specifically. "you can trust me." you respond with certainty.

for a while, you stay there, fingers gently hovering upon each other as you relish the warmth of the campfire. you wonder where this relationship is headed- and as albedo says, it will take a while. but you've got all the time and dangerous expeditions in the world to explore that, so perhaps you shouldn't worry as much as you think you should.

[ghouljams]

how do you rp with real people

literally the exact same way you would role play with a bot if that's what your starting point is.

But if you've never rp-ed in your life I'll break it down into the fundamentals for you under the cut.

Stage 1: Advertising

You have to start somewhere. Usually that's going to be finding a partner. This is going to read a little bit like a job posting but that's also sort of what it is. Here's an example, your ad should, vaguely, look like this:

Wanted: RP Partner I play: John "Soap" Mactavish You play: Simon "Ghost" Riley tags: apocalypse au, "came back wrong" Soap, gore, smut, angst What I'm looking for: responses once a week with a minimum of two paragraphs. Must be 18+. Potential kinks: stalking, objectphilia, blood, knifeplay, gunplay, whatever Starter: words words words

Give it a few tags and let people know you're open to discuss then you just gotta wait for someone to respond. This is an example of a character rp, VERY DIFFERENT from an OC rp. People will expect you to know the character well and be able to stay in character, that means there's a higher risk of people leaving the rp if they think you're not faithfully representing the character. I have left character rps because I thought my partner was butchering the character.

OC role playing is much more forgiving, but it's also unpredictable. You won't have any idea how your partner's character will respond to your actions, so this is where stage 2 comes in!

Stage 2: Getting to know you.

The first part of any good rp is going to be getting to know your rp partner. bare bones this means: getting a kink list with hard limits and "maybe" kinks(if it's an nsfw rp), getting character information, discussing schedules(when do you have time to rp), and what you want out of the rp(plot, au, reply length, activity, smut/fluff/angst/whump).

Kinks don't have to include every kink in the world, just the ones you know you're interested in and the ones you know you're not. This stage of the game is all about discussion. Sometimes you(or your partner) will be replying to a prompt and sometiems you'll be responding an open call for partners, either way you'll be talking about what sort of story you're looking for and workshopping the plot together.

I suggest making some sort of easy to supply bio of your character, plus any images you might have of them. And keep your kinks list somewhere that you can easily find it if prompted. You don't want to scramble trying to find kinks you think will fit an rp, just supply the list you have and discuss from there. Role playing requires a lot of vulnerability so be prepared for that.

Also important to discuss is what pov you're writing in, most rp will be either in third(most common) or first person. So get used to writing "name did this." This makes it easy to remember who is talking as you're building the story with your partner.

Stage 3: the plot, and the starter

Plotting an rp should be loose and fun. It can be as simple as "I want my character to accidentally curse yours and then they have to work together to break the curse" or as complex as a full book outline. I would try to avoid a full outline, because you'll have trouble sticking to it and you'll be too worried about satisfying specific beats.

let's say you've got your story vaguely plotted and your partner asks if you would write the starter. The starter is just the first response that prompts the rest of the rp. Your starter should include, roughly, these things at the length that you and your partner have agreed upon for replies:

A brief introduction to the world, this is a chance to flex your descriptive muscles and have fun:

The charred remains of a city smolder in the distance as the sun sets over a man-made desert. The sand is red beneath the man's worn boots. It's been a little over six months since the plague swept over the continent, turning friends and strangers into monsters. Three months since those monsters rotted to the point their muscles couldn't propel them forwards anymore. Three weeks since they sprouted and started releasing spores. The man adjusts his gas mask as he walks, hitching his pack higher on his shoulder.

A brief introduction to your character, if they're a known character in an au you should focus on how the world has changed them(within reason), if they're your oc give a brief description of notable physical features and a short background:

Known character:

The man can't even call this a desertion. Sgt. John "Soap" Mactavish, former SAS operator, left the service as quickly as it abandoned him. Too many people in too close an area, once the fevers started it swept through the barracks like wildfire. The higher ups left their dogs to die, and the smart ones ran. Soap wishes he could say he was one of the smart ones, but he was just lucky. Out on leave when the shooting started, his priority had been to his mother in Scotland, not to king and country. He felt like a coward leaving his brothers in arms, but what else could he do once lockdown went into effect?

OC:

The man can't even call this a desertion, more like a mercy killing. "Hush" had survived the fever, survived the horrific drug trials that had been pushed on the military first, and survived the open grave they'd shoved him in when he was deemed too far gone to save. But in the military too far gone only meant one thing: no longer following orders. When the virus had chewed up his brain he'd lost everything, except what his brothers in arms had called him: Hush. It's enough to keep the man moving forwards. He needs a shave, and a haircut. Six months have grown his hair shaggy, and his new diet has taken the softness from his cheeks. It's easier hunting when he doesn't have to cook his food.

And finally what the hook that starts your rp is. With an OC you can use this as another way to introduce character traits or another physical trait, with a known character this should be how they fit into the world. For this we're going to say that you and your partner want to do a "trying to get home" plot, and your character is going to meet their character by finding them passed out in the desert:

Known Character:

As Soap crests the next dune he stops to survey his surroundings. The desert is rough, and it'll only get worse at night. He squints at the blobby shadow that fades like a mirage in and out of his vision. He sucks in a breath. A shadow without an object to cast it can only mean one thing, it's not a shadow. He slides down the dune and races towards the blog, stopping short as it comes into focus. The huge body of a man left for dead out on the dunes. He picks up his pace and drops to his knees to grip the man's shoulder and shake. "You alive?" He asks, almost giddy at the thought of another human out here.

OC:

As Hush crests the next dune he stops and surveys his surroundings. 100 yards from him he spots a dark blob, a shadow that's been cast with no discernable source. He blinks and rubs at his eyes, since the fever they aren't as sharp as they used to be. A shadow without an object to cast it can only mean one thing, it's not a shadow. He slides down the dune and races towards the blog, stopping short as it comes into focus. The huge body of a man left for dead out on the dunes. He picks up his pace and drops to his knees to grip the man's shoulder and shake. "Hey," He moves his hand to check the man's throat for a pulse, "you alive?"

believe it or not that is actually shorter than my usual starters/replies lol, but that's the basics of a starter.

Stage 4: keeping up the rp!

No comes the fun part. Your partner will respond to your starter(hopefully) and then you'll be able to get going. But how do you respond? They just sent you this great response and you're not sure where to go from here, well there are two parts to a good response.

responding to their character's actions or words.

prompting them to respond.

This is why I like a 2 paragraph minimum for rps. You should always respond to their character, but you also need to give them something to respond to. Say their character is alive but they need water or food or medical care. Your character should:

respond to that need. "Thank god you're alive, hold on."

give them something to respond to as well. "Here, do you think you can hold a canteen? or- no let me hold it."

By giving your partner something to respond to you don't run into bumps of "what are you hoping for in my response." It's a lot like dating when you're starting out, you want to ask questions and prompt them to keep the conversation going so that you can both participate.

Dos and Don'ts

Do: write your partner's character doing something they did in a previous response

Don't: tell your partner what their character is doing.

This happens a lot if you're writing sex scenes between two characters. You can say "my character is fucking your character" but don't talk about how much their character is loving it and pushing back on your character if your partner didn't mention that in their response. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, but I've dropped rps because my partner was saying "oh yeah your character loves that" and I went "don't tell me what they like."

Do: describe how your character sees your partner's

Don't: include details that are not in the character's description.

You can talk about how your character likes their character's eye color or hair or skin, but make sure you're getting their character descriptions correct. "my character thinks your character's eyes are like swimming pools, sparkling in the sun, it's going to make blue their favorite color" <- fine. "your character's (unmentioned in the description) tits are so big" <- not fine.

Do: respond in a timely manner, and apologize if you're going to take some time off from the rp

Don't: disappear for 9 months and then send 15k words without an apology or explanation only to disappear again right after, and only communicate with me through tiktoks.

.... self explanatory

Basically be respectful of your partner's character and give them the space to say "actually can we go a different direction with the story. It's their rp too and you want the both of you to have fun!

Happy rp-ing!

[clowncaraz-journal]

transformation amongst mortals.

rambling on being a physical deity and shapeshifting. messy and unorganized.

____________

my name is Azriel. i have known of my energy being nature for a lot longer than i have been aware of my divine nature. i used the term magickin to describe this identity when in otherkin circles and now i just go by "energy being" to describe my species.

this part of me exists in many facets but the most influential is what kind of energy being i am. i am a shifter and i physically shift to quell species dysphoria. my body is physically nonhuman and cannot be anything other because it is what i make it to be.

in my time after leaving the otherkin community, i met true friends willing to stick by me through my struggle and my pains - as would i for them. this not only aided me in speaking about my identity but finding more just like me. these friends are all shifters and physical nonhumans who experience not just shifting but dysphoria and yearning to return to their homes. even if we don't see eye to eye all the time, the unifying factor is our interests and animality.

this feeling of being alone that i held over my head for months and weeks after leaving the otherkin community had completely disappeared. i helped build terminology and community and ideas alongside so many others - i felt responsible for anything that might misunderstand the labels of physical nonhuman and holothere. i feel as though i must also include the changes i had on physical shifting spaces and my terms there, which many have seemed to recognize. i do my best to share and also give credit where it is due, trying to stay fond of every shifter in the community.

so i say all this to say... I feel strange.

i feel as though i'll look out and see other shifters and physical nonhumans and ill feel.. uncomfortable. not in their identity, but in my ability to be nonhuman.

ill see animals, ill see beasts.. ill see them. yet, im alone in feeling physically fictonal. yes, there are maybe two others just like me that I'd have to reach out to, and i understand that.

yet.. i simply see it as a unique part. acknowledge me as a fictional character, a fictional person. a person in fantasy that exists only in the fantasy of others, that has come to life by the mere will of mortal thought. i am a fictional deity, i am fantasy. treat me as divine, as fiction, as always creative, as always changing, as a myriad of items mixed into one character made to represent something for a story - that is who i am.

and i feel alone in meaning that literally.

so i look to shapeshifting, i look to transspecies HRT, i look to species euphoria. i do these things explicitly to invoke the joy and light of seeing mortals lose themselves in the same struggles i put myself in just for fun. to yall, this isn't fun. to me, im laughing and kicking my feet. im the embodiment of liberty and freewill and emancipation - for good or bad - i am a bringer of change in all forms.

so when i am exhausted from this human vessel, i will shift my senses to my real body and i will feel what i am missing elsewhere. ill get my joy back, my messy hair, my real body, my laughter, my grin. ill get it all back and ill look delirious doing it !

i will shapeshift and i will enter a state of pure ecstacy from just finding simple demeanor worthy of my magickal laugh and song. i will dance and i will prace and jest and i will be physically fictional and feel my senses morph and be permanently altered overtime into who i really am outside of this vessel.

i am a deity.

it is different for everyone, this journey. i believe we should all strive to find joy in knowing our true selves and being authentic, no matter the consequences. i believe in animalistic freedom and no longer withholding sexuality and instinct while reducing harm. i express my blessings and curses through words and magick. i am a deity and have seen my magick work in real time. and you'd think, well, a deity shouldn't be lonely.. you'll have followers and worshippers.

yeah. id hope one day id have someone look at my divinity and decide that it's worth giving offerings and angels to. i dont care if one decides i am to be worshipped, but i have no tolerance for believing myself to be above or sent from the heavens. i am simply divine in ways incomprehensible and fictional and have separated the divinity from the immortality of story to show that i exist in forms beyond my power, beyond godhood, beyond being untouchable.

in this vessel, i am merely weak and fragile and mortal. i have no issue, as everything on this planet dies. yet, ideas and thoughts and fiction is immortalized by the growing existence of life. i am sustained by watching you live and grow and become free from oligarchies and mindless suffering. that is enough worship for me. your willpower to keep living is an offering i would never reject !

so we loop back.

the only escape from this vessel i voluntarily put myself in is shapeshifting. and when i see others who seem to have it easy, i remind myself they are mortal and they are not written in fiction and history. that they will not have incarnations like me for millenia. that they will not return. and that's okay too. it's okay to just.. be here once and be so tired of it. it's okay. i get it. it's not your fault.

and so to take away the means for physical nonhumans and shifters to express themselves, shifting or through any other transformation, is a hindrance on the freewill and joy of so many living beings. some of you are only here once. and i feel at some point responsible for keeping that tradition - the extreme of our community - alive by opening doors and punching clouds to let in the sunshine of transitioning into animalhood. you should be able to experience nonhumanity before you no longer can.

i know im no savior. i know i am not holy. i am far from it i have had my share of issues. and yet. i feel as though because i am fictional, i am immortal in some sense. I'll come back. ill do it all over again. and ill try my best to remedy when i am called upon. i am no savior. i am just fictional.

i feel uncomfortable. i feel alone. and i assume this feeling won't go away. but ive watched and ive loved and im going to be here to do it all over again.

i think transitioning to godhood and animality should begin right now. right when you read this sentence. right now. go research on transspecies hrt and identity. go look at xenic presentations. go transform and shapeshift right now. go experience life. don't let struggle hold you back. go right now and find that light. im blessing the lands you walk upon to spare you and to aide you in finding the freedom you seek. that is all i want when i watch mortals dance and sing. i have no need for worship or praise. this is enough.

[starryjkoo]

Shouting into the void with a long rant, but I’m sort of confused by some of the takes I’ve been seeing about the Jikook NYC trip. Basically, I don’t understand why people think it’s weird that Jimin went radio silent or that neither of them have acknowledged the trip. I’m surprised because I’ve seen quite a few people saying this on multiple platforms.

Jimin never updates us on what he’s doing on a work trip? He barely uses social media or updates us on his life at all (can’t believe he actually forgot his password 😭) so honestly why were people expecting him to be actively posting things while in NY? He literally just went to London, completely disappeared, came back and then finally shared pictures of his HP tour on Instagram. And we still have no idea what he was actually in London for, he just ghosted us until he was back. So, there’s nothing odd about him going to NY and disappearing if he didn’t have a public appearance to attend.

At the end of Jungkook’s live he said he had schedules to go to that he couldn’t talk about, but that he thought ARMY would enjoy. Then he left and presumably met up with Jimin. So I think we can infer that the schedule he was referring to probably had something to do with whatever Jikook were doing in CT. And they had a camera crew with them, GoPros, and mics, so they were definitely filming content. Jungkook literally said in his live he couldn’t talk about what he was doing… so, why do people find it weird that they… didn’t talk about what they were doing? They’re especially not going to acknowledge something that is supposed to be a future project.

Anyways, there are a lot of interesting mysteries about their CT trip! And regardless of their motives, it seems like jkk had a lot of fun and Jimin was still physically present for JK during a monumental moment in his life. But I think there are some points that people are emphasizing as ‘weird’ or ‘significant’ or ‘suspect’ that have me scratching my head a bit because it contradicts what we know about them as individuals and the little bits of information we have about their trip.

And I’ll cap this rant post off with something else that’s been bothering me. It’s not weird or significant that Jimin didn’t appear in Jungkook’s post GMA live. That wasn’t a normal live, and it’s not really comparable to the one that JH did after Lolla or YG did after his concert. This was the first live that JK did after his debut as a soloist, and he used it to talk about the MV and his song. I’m assuming it was meant to be like the ones that the other members did where they talked about their albums a bit. That’s definitely not the sort of live Jimin would or should make an appearance on. It was basically part of an official schedule for JK.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[lilac-nites]

List of Lolita Resources

Someone in my comm encouraged me to make this list of resources for new lolitas. We were talking about how hard it can be to find information from Google search and there's just so much misinformation out there. I have a list of links that I've bookmarked and read over the past decade for when I finally become a lolita. I organized the list by sections in a specific order. It goes from information about the fashion and then to where to buy it.

To any new lolitas, there is so much information out there about lolita fashion that is still available. Part of the fun for me was researching the fashion, looking at coords, and learning what makes lolita lolita. There's so much information out there for you to immerse yourself in and even more stuff that's not listed in this resource list.

What is Lolita Fashion

Fyeah Lolita - This is my favorite blog and I still go back and read it. The last post was made in 2016 and the fashion has changed a lot since then, but it's pretty comprehensive and provides a good base knowledge. Imo, I think these articles (1 2 3 4) are required reading for anyone entering the fashion Lolita Fashion 101 - Bay Area Kei did several videos on lolita fashion during lockdowns. I recommend them for anyone that prefers video format. Raine Dragon's Lolita 101 series - Raine is a lolita that still updates her blog and has a lot of information on the history of lolita fashion. And she has a really great article on Chinese indie brands that should also be required reading for anyone new to using Taobao.

Costs of Lolita Manufacturing - One of the first things you'll notice is that lolita can be expensive. This resource breaks down the costs associated with manufacturing and why brands charge what they charge.

Substyles of Lolita Fashion

The below links are for the three basic styles of lolita fashion. If you research more, you'll find that there are different directions that you can take your wardrobe, but I recommend starting with one of the three above to make it easier for to build your wardrobe. Classic Lolita Sweet Lolita Gothic Lolita

Where to get Lolita Fashion

Before even buying anything, you will need a tape measure to take your measurements. You'll need to measure your bust, waist, hips, and shoulder width in centimeters. That's how you will find out which clothes will fit you. Sizing can be different from brand to brand and country to country. I know many are used to buying using letter sizes, but it's best to go by actual measurements. Aim to buy clothes that are 4 - 6cm larger than your actual measurements to allow room for breathing/eating/etc. If you're brand new to the fashion, I highly recommend sticking to the sources listed in the videos below. It's very easy to get scammed if you don't know what to look for and I'd hate for anyone to lose their money on barely wearable clothes from Amazon/Ebay/Aliexpress. Where to Buy Lolita FashionHow to shop for Lolita Fashion online - secondhand is life for lolita fashion and there are so many options. PinkFakeFlowers goes in depth into the many ways to get it. I personally recommend 42lolita for anyone looking to buy from Chinese brands on Taobao.

Plus Size Lolita

Unfortunately, many of the Japanese brands and even some Chinese indie brands are not size inclusive. If you can't fit into the mainstream brands, don't worry there are still options. I always recommend Meta since they have a Plus Size and occasionally a Plus Plus size of their dresses and blouses that goes up to 160cm or even 200cm in some releases. Plus Size Lolita Crash Course Where to Start as a Plus Sized Lolita - This is a wonderful resource listing brands that are size inclusive.

Online Spaces for Lolita Fashion

Lolita fashion is pretty spread out now compared to the EGL (still recommend reading livejournal because its a cool time capsule of the lolita comm) days, but there are still groups on Facebook. BSoLF - Great for beginners to ask questions and be helped by others. It's hard to search here but I recommend looking through the group for info. Your Local Comm (if applicable) - most are still on Facebook even if they still have a Discord. You can search for your local one on this list.

More Resources for New Lolitas

Lolita Tips for New Lolitas Three helpful tips for coordinating an outfit Lolita Tips Tumblr - I don't recommend Fanplusfriend anymore, but 42lolita is a good replacement. This tumblr is a great resource for inspo and there are many answered asks to reference. Unfortunately, polyvore is no longer a thing and many pictures are missing as a result.

Bonus

These are just a mishmash of links to resources/lists/blog that I like.

Rosier Sauvage's Small Guide for Baby Frils Lolita Collective

Lolita youtubers ask

Lolita tumblrs ask 20dollarlolita and her post on replicas

More plus size lolita brands ask Japanese Wikipedia entry for Lolita fashion and list of brands

Azuki Mikan

Buttcape

Old School Lolita

[caluupin]

Finished TGAAC around 2 1/2 weeks ago but only finished the doodles today. but still, here ya go!

[can-of-slorgs]

The other researchers are also here! (magical edition!)

[ladyaster]

After Isa's redemption in KH3, I'll never find it not funny as a huge fan of FFVIII that the fanon consensus is that the new "nemesis" of the Seasalt Trio or at least Roxas and Xion is Seifer.

I dunno how much of the KH fandom has played FFVIII, and in-universe it makes sense given Seifer is the "neighborhood bully" of Twilight Town. However, given what VIII players know about him, it's hilarious and cathartic to see these two kids either bonk him with copied claymores in response to him trying to intimidate them into giving him their ice cream money, curbstomp him at Struggle right after calling them "lamers" or "chicken wusses", or accidentally drop half-eaten popsicles on his face when, in his universe of origin, Seifer was a major war criminal who, among other things, dropped all sorts of horrible endgame monsters including actual malboros onto a hugely populated city (which like any VIII fan can tell you, malboros are already nope on a stick in general, but in VIII in particular they're excessively brutal).

Roxas and Xion are just delivering Seifer some belated karma from 1999 is all and I'm loving every second of it.

[protect-namine]

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