#i'll also never move on from them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baifengxis · 10 months ago

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I owe her a love worth sixty thousand years.

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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago

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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there

#the ability to say to oneself 'it's okay if you don't agree with me'#(and possibly adding a quiet bitchy 'I can't force you to be right' at the end if you're annoyed enough lol)#at seeing a bad take without ever internalizing it any deeper than that... indispensible.#if someone is really unpleasantly vitriolic or reactive about it I'll just block and move on. and never think about them again #a gift for me and for them I'm sure! but as long as people are being civil I'm getting pretty good at just going 'alright.#I think you're wrong but it's your prerogative to think that. away from me preferably but still'#when I was younger I always felt like a more negative take must be more valid/see something I didn't but over time (and a lot of therapy)#that kneejerk self-doubt is a lot easier to get through. sometimes. people are wrong! to me and my experience. and that's alright #if nothing else understand your own limitations in ever changing someone's mind for them and let it go lol #when I feel the real badfeels at a shitty take now I know it's just because I'm tired and threadbare and need to sleep haha #sometimes mental health progress is sooooo... boring and low-key but also brings so much relief #like doing admin work up here. *sees something so dumb I feel dizzy* file that shit under 'not my problem' and move on chief

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cultivating-wildflowers · 5 months ago

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somewhat ironic that the yarn minder has both matches and an old smoke detector in it

#guess I'll join in this fun little game because sometimes I simply cannot resist a harmless trend #note: this prompted me to rearrange some of my wall art and swap out stuff that's been there since I moved #regarding the checkerboard: there are three generations of Guys in my family tree and I never can remember which one made the board #I need to figure out how to frame the family crest Dad gave me so I can hang it #it's still got the raw edges of the cross-stitch form (???you know the thing??) from whoever made it #also I had to clear out the extra rocks from the bowl of rocks to show you the actual bowl #the lady who made it collects rocks and then lays them out in a nice wooden bowl and glues them down #this one was a birthday gift #my growing collection of knick-knacks is one of the reasons I'm looking for better bookshelves #the ones my mom 'loaned' me when I moved out are nice but they aren't meant to be bookshelves #they only have three shelves each and those are very widely spaced and open on the sides #mine #polls

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inamagicalhallucination · 1 year ago

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my toxic trait is i get really annoyed when ppl make atsushi and akutagawa's relationship about dazai

#like damn let them be their own individuals #not to say we should deny dazai's influence on them especially on how akutagawa's resentment/dislike towards atsushi is stemmed from him #but like does every post about sskk have to be like “and then dazai-”#and i hate the trope that implies that dazai manipulated sskk to have romantic feelings for each other #in general i dont like how ppl sometimes make dazai all knowing other than viewing him and his plans with any nuance but ya know #i'll say “atsushi and akutagawa love each other becuz-” and someone will be like “and then dazai-” like no get him out of here #also im really into the idea of aku letting dazai go at least to some extent and i dont like when ppl like have him hold on to dazai #like they never let him move on from dazai???#like u could be like “aku stops worrying about dazai becuz he realizes he has value” and someone will be like “and thats when dazai finally #acknowledges him and the years of pent up frustration adn the abuse aku went through are finally justified <333"#to add: i dont care if you do like this becuz i dont engage with fanwork that has a differing opinion from me with malice becuz i am not a #child #im just commenting my own opinion about it becuz its something i dont like #like u know i can say i dont like kiwis but that doesnt mean u have to dislike kiwis and r a horrible person for liking them #its like a minor annoyance at best

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mokeonn · 7 months ago

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I think something that is REALLY fun about having a small animal that needs to live in a habitat is making it a hobby to try to make the best possible habitat for them. Like there's nothing more fun than planning and executing different ways create paradise for an animal with a brain no larger than a peanut.

#simon says #currently I'm TRYING to work on moving out so I can't really afford to upgrade my Hamster's tank just yet #but since it's a size 20 tall I got for free there's a lot of wasted vertical space i want to utilize #so im currently plotting making a little platform for her to climb on that has some toys or hides for her #I've honestly been looking at some of the reptile tanks at my store because some of them LOOK like hamster heaven #but I'll have to do a lot more research before I do that #also I will probably never post the hamster tank here until I upgrade it because small pet people are... something else #like i understand that when it comes to small pets like reptiles/small mammals/fish there's a lot of misinformation about proper care #but people get very hostile if your set-up is anything less than Ideal #like currently my tank is just adequate #it does it's job and my hamster is happy and healthy #but because it is not ideal (bigger and fancier) I will likely face backlash #like I know a 20 gal tall is NOT the perfect tank size and shape #and even just going from a 20 tall to a 20 wide would be a huge improvement #but I do not have the money to buy a new tank right now #so i must make do and improve what I have until I have the ability to upgrade #i really do want to make a little hamster paradise for her tho #i love my lil silly beans. she deserves a 100 gallon paradise in my mind #but alas. we must make do with what we have

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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 12 days ago

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men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.

#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my #obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him #simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those #obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao #and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon #i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing #it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings #like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i #was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've #thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me #more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all #the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism #and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby #like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being #kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever #worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO #honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me #i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao #but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm #destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def #do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough #now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see

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wereh0gz · 9 months ago

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It's oc posting time

Rue has vivid revenge fantasies. Extremely violent ones about the many ways they'd kill Nox if they ever got their paws on him. Crushing his exoskeleton under their bare paws, tearing him apart limb for limb, ripping his guts out and eating his heart while he's still alive- you name it, they've probably thought about it

These thoughts *terrify* her. It proves what Nox has always told her right, that she is a hopeless, violent, uncontrollable *monster*. That the reason she became a beast in the first place is because she is truly evil at heart, just like him

(In actuality, it's just a symptom of their PTSD, but going to therapy and actually unpacking all of that isn't an option to them. They'd rather die than actually talk abt their struggles)

So the thoughts fester in her mind for years. She thinks about it daily. It becomes like an obsession. An impulse. A need. And she begins to think that the only way to free herself from that torment is to do it. To kill him. Even if it proves Nox right

Even if it proves *her* right

So they hunt him down, trying to kill him every time they encounter each other. And every time, Nox gets away, and he taunts them. And the thoughts, the want, the *hunger* for vengeance grows stronger

The cycle continues. The thoughts never cease. She never finds peace

(At least, she *thinks* she will never find peace, but she does. Eventually. After Nox dies from his own hubris lol)

#ramblings #oc posting #rue the wolfdog #nox the spider #lmk if this needs any tags for anything. jic #also um spoilers for the story i'll probably never write ig. nox dies eventually lol #fucker gets squashed like a bug <3 #he basically doomed himself tho. rue doesn't get to kill him #it makes them feel a lot better actually #like they didn't HAVE to kill. like they can just forget about his pathetic ass and simply LIVE #this isn't to say revenge is bad always. her anger was very much justified #but it was also tearing her apart. it was bad FOR HER. in the end what she needed the most was to be able to move on #and nox fucking himself over and dying is the perfect opportunity to just let go. to not dirty her paws with him any further #she doesn't have to concern herself with him because he was dead the moment he chose the path of world destruction #there's also the fact that they have support from specter and phantom as well as sonic and tails #so they didn't have to face this alone anymore #i hope my thoughts are cohesive enough lol i'm very tired rn

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theflyingfeeling · 5 months ago

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youtube

the love of my entire life

#valtteri filppula #no one cares but i'm still gonna rant about this because you don't understanddddd #he's objectively one of the most succesful finnish hockey players. no not just in my biased opinion he really is!!#no other finn has won the triple gold (the stanley cup + olympic gold + world championships gold)#in the latter two he was also the captain of the team 😭#1000+ games played in the NHL #he's also won the swiss league and the CHL #he could have retired. moved to florida and bathe in his money #but what does he do? comes back to play in his home team 19 years after he left #(if we don't count the few games he played here in the NHL lock-out season 2012-13 before he got injured)#in his home team that currently does not even play in the top division??#as one of the owners of the team?? practically for FREE?!#because he wants to give back to his team and help them back to the top division 😭#i mean. what kinda person does that?? 😭😭😭😭😭#i'm bawling at how he walked in the locker room for the first time and introduced himself to everyone (with his nickname!!)#as if all them didn't know exactly who he was. come on he's a living legend??#he said he wants to be treated like everyone else in the team. they're just some boys #and he's won pretty much everything you can win in this sport #look how stark the locker room is in comparison to what he got used to in the fucking NHL and the swiss league 😭#at 40 years of age he's gonna be sitting in the same bus with these youngsters through the darkest of finland's winter #again i cannot emphasize enough that he could have retired to e.g. florida where he used to play for many years #(and where i think his wife is from? but i'm not sure so don't quote me on that)#he's so humble so smart so polite so friendly and on top of that he is handsome as fuck 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i've never had the chance to meet him but this season i really hope i can. although i'll probably cry loads and make an idiot out of myself #i was bawling my eyes off just watching him skate on the ice in his first match this season. it all felt so surreal. he's home again 😭#i've loved him for a thousand years (or just 20. but it feels like thousand years)#i'll love him for a thousand more 💙

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icewindandboringhorror · 24 days ago

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Recent misc pictures

#image 1 - sky of course.. beautiful clouds time. Image 2 - steak and scrambled eggs with a mushroom spinach sautee sort of thing #and an apple fritter (all cooked at home of course except for the apple fritter... still wishing I could ever get food out or have it made #for me so I don't have to do the effort of making it all myself.. it just tastes better sometimes when you're in a relaxed state eating #it rather than a 'just stood in the kitchen for 1hr' state lol). Image 3 - nice gray clouds with the sun through them.#Image 4 - 4 tiny gyoza type things with a tiny Diet Restriction Friendly size portion of iced coffee and a starshaped ice cube #Images 5 - 7 - these interesting flowers I came across whilst walking on a trail. I think the way they grow is cool. And that the buds of #them are so fluffy and such. Image 8 - 9 -- more stinky word counts... aughhh...... Trying to plan a full timeline of when #I might actually finish the game and I'm estimating currently like July 2025 as an insanely optimistic ideal and October 2025 as my very #late one. So likely somewhere in between. Or even later if something happens as things tend to do (computer explodes. etc)#Both are HOT months for oregon so I guess that's what started me off thinking and dwelling on the passage of time and the weather.. grrr #I wish I could be done with it tomorrow or something and then just relax and play sims all winter knowing my work is done lol #But I feel like the impending summer (as well as many other impending societally threatening things) give me too much urgency to be like #WAUGh i need to get this done NOWWW.. But I still wish I could relax and enjoy the winter a litttle. eugh... ANYWAY. I did finish the #discord for the game but I still don't know if I'll use that. I need to work more on the game itself and the itch.io page. But then also #I should probably talk about it or try to cultivate a small base of people (like a discord) who actually care about it and could become #future playtesters so I have that all ready well before the game actually is done so I needn't scramble at the last minute.. If I were #smart. and had social skills. and had energy (< has none of these things). So inevitably who knows if shall be able to muster any such feat #At least I'm getting like.. some words done.. some days. I am making progress. It's just never good enough considering the circumstances #(< looming instability and time passing in what feels like a very fast manner). ANYWAY.. lol... Image 10 - recent game of Price #Is Right Plinko Pegs my beloved game which I return to to play like maybe 2 rounds of once every 5 months... one day I shall win... Though #I'm incresingly uncertain if there even IS a last level. Or if its designed to go on forever/make you fail at a point to keep you playing..#Last two images - CLOUDS again. A very cloud heavy photo diary this time it seems lol #Also trying to: - post a few more costumes from drafts. - make new friend survey thing. - edit videos - make a sculpture. - set up #things to actually sell sculptures. - doctors appointments. - pack up things to possibly move before the summer to an apartment which #will still not have central AC but maybe at least is not west facing (so gets direct sun hottest part of the day and is a greenhouse)#Life is a constant revolving to do list with occasional sleep & looking at clouds in between.. (sigh)(pauses)(slightly more whimsical sigh)#photo diary

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fishymedic · 2 months ago

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Something, something he's always pulled into people's orbits but also- that he pulls people into his orbit too; how he comes across probably not so social (for survival in piltover) But as a previous street medic/the only one really; a huge part of that job is socializing with people- it's knowing a lot of people even if just by directing them to safety it's about community and the compassion.

In genuinely caring for people, means knowing & knowing about them especially in his case. It's if you mention a loved one he'll bring it up softly when you next cross paths. "Well let's get you back in mostly one piece to them, how about that?"

That he's always the first rushing in to help others/protect them and he never asks for anything in return. Never expects it returned but sometimes helping others builds a bond that gets them to help you out too. To trust you in the middle of a heated conflict or direct people your way.

#an island inside my heart ☤ headcanons #(like the biggest part of what he did was caring about people as people even without the medic lens)#(it was keeping ears out for raids or trouble)#(telling people he could to steer clear and lingering in the area ready for hell to break loose)#(it was choking on the enforcer's chemical gas grenades to get an innocent kid out of the crossfire)#('i'll find your guardian and get them to you but you can't be here')#(he just has that nature to him that radiates that he is helpful and safe)#(even if he's in a bad mood or shut off to others and or literally unable to communicate)#(like medic stuff aside he enjoys helping people move boxes or run errands)#(doing their errands when they are sick or too injured)#(being friendly with people who frequent the hospital that arent assholes)#(in details about people he only treated once and hopes to never need to again but just in case)#(which also- alternatively freaks some people out because its so genuine and unusual)#('i cant be around this if there isn't an ulterior motive or lashing out at you')#(and he gets it he understands the sentiment)#(it doesnt stop him from trying to be friendly or helpful though)#(anyways i can very easily talk novels about him being very community minded and all that)

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youremyonlyhope · 10 months ago

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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

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set-wingedwarrior · 2 months ago

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I've been studying in uni since midday, with like just half a hour to get something to eat, which I hate while still studying. It's 6.20pm now, and even considering how I frequently need micro-breaks to keep myself functioning (literally 5 minutes from time to time to check texts or scroll a bit of tumblr, stuff like that), it's still a damn lot. I am exhausted.

I may be a degenerate student, but no one can say I am not trying here 😭

#Elo stuff #Uni stuff #I still think the professor gave us too little time for so much stuff #I am literally yoloing this exam lmao #Let's hope for the best #My brain weirdly doesn't feel fried (yet) but I am exhausted #How this prof expects us to be able to pull off disability diagnoses after just s month of classes #In which she only did half of the program btw #Is insane to me #I'll never be able to do the open question properly I just know that #I'll be lucky to write anything down depending on if I get something I remember a little better #(i pray for a question about anxiety disorder PLEASE)#But hopefully I can ace the multiple questions and compensate any mistake with my extra bonus points from the group project #Sadly we won't be able to move back and forth with the questions tho and I'll only get one shot to do them right #Also prof is a bitch and literally told us we must look for the 'most correct answer'#Because sometimes there are multiple right ones #As if we can fucking predict what the fuck she thinks is more correct and important!#i am going insane #As usual #I needed to ramble

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gu6chan · 3 months ago

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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(

#gu6chan's musings #im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have #up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY #but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console #and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you #giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE #i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe #but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage #but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao #black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of #the map beyond castelia city lmao #14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot #But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked #legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you #have to hold it lol #but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol #like #i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like #i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao #so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...

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orcelito · 4 months ago

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Getting ready for bed now. Ended up taking no nap. Realized that I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep over the past 58 hours. Which is not recommended.

Also realized upon taking them off that id been wearing my glasses for Most of the past 23 ish hours. Maybe closer to 22 hours (for shower and such). My ear kinda stung a lil when I took it off. Which made me realize how long I'd been wearing them but ALSO the fact that they HAVENT been hurting my ears in daily wear. For a while there, wearing them for too long would make my ears Hurt. Hell, I literally ended up getting scabs on my nose where they rested. But it seems like my body has been adjusting to them... it is accepting that we are a glasses wearer now... this is a marvelous realization

#speculation nation #and now im up in bed and im hanging out with june. who im still kind of mad at for clawing my thumb so bad this morning #(like SORRY i had to move u from my bed!!! instead of my normal tactic of annoying u so much u move urself. i didnt have the TIME!!)#at the same time tho she laid on my stomach for like half an hour while i was trying (and failing) to take a nap last night #which she almost never does. neither of them like sitting on me usually. so it felt...very special.#baby forgiven. also forgiven simply for being baby. June doesnt mean bad by it she's just easily startled & i moved her too quickly...#i was on the way to 20 mins late leaving for class tho i did NOT have the time to take it slow. sorry June.#(cant leave her on the bed when im not here bc the door stays shut so tally wont try to eat my plants when im not watching)#(usually i just smother June with love in the morning so she gets up by herself. Tally too. then i shut the door once theyre both out lol)#anyways i took a melatonin so hopefully TONIGHT after a day with no sleep and a day with half sleep i can actually sleep thru the night.#still mad that i laid down for 3.5 hours last night and couldnt sleep a wink. it was still rest but it could've been SLEEP!!!#whatever. 8 hours sleep here i come #(unfortunately not more than 8 hours bc i have to get up to do my readings. but 8 hours is still better than what ive Been getting lol)#(i'll... try to catch up on my sleep some more over the next few days...)#anyways goodnight 🫡

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katyspersonal · 1 year ago

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It is only first month of 2024, and I've already lost not one but two subjects of nightmares, paranoia and reoccurring emotional torture. I really wish there was another way to get rid of these besides having extremely painful conversations.. but at least these scars are closing, one by one

#/vent #personal #and this time was like.. opposite of the previous one #previous one absolutely wrecked me with very ugly insight and basically made all puzzle pieces fall together #this one was just pain and crying and having my worst suspicions about other person AND self faced and confirmed #but again it got solved #I really want the power to move on without having a closure.#I hope I will be strong enough for it one day.#I just need to think..#I think I really should avoid other depressed/traumatised people until something can be done with how I react at perceived threats #(which is eternity because hell I know when I will be able to afford therapy. probably never with how my life situation is going)#as jarring as being close only with 'healthy' people would be I just can't make things worse for both me and them #until I can change my default response from aggression into avoidance I'll just stay away from anyone with depression #I say very terrible things when I feel threatened and it is way too easy to make me feel threatened. it is THE easiest thing in the world.#I won't survive without close friends anyhow but there is category of people that can't recover from these words normally #I mean I am ALSO this 'category'. I also hurt from awful words thrown at me for MONTHS don't I #it is very hard to be aware of my glaring flaws when everyone that points them out is outright malicious and wants me bullied off the Earth #and then everyone who does think I deserve my human rights either doesn't see my flaws or doesn't mention them #so at least discussing it without outright intention to harm me was helpful for a change #maybe one day I'll have a friend that can be open if I've hurt them a lot so I can work on it but that's another story I guess

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keeps-ache · 5 months ago

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linelesssss oohoohoo !!

#just me hi #oohoohoohoo !!#drawing stuff.. wheeoo..#my brother leo n i were playing sky the other night and going crazy with the camera hbfhvbhf #he took a LOT of good ones. i got to stand around and act dumb so Lol :3 #my favorite move so far is to hit 'im with a random flex and not do it again bhghfbhsf #he managed to catch me only twice but the first couple times he missed bc there was a jellyfish that kept getting in the way lollll #also he wanted a mid-air shot of me falling from one of the geysers and that was So Hard hjkfsjvhf #cuz the geyser would get me again while i was coming down and i wouldn't even be in the shot.. we tried like 8+ times it was a good attempt #but yea he took some really good ones and he said i could paint them so !! :D #when he Does send them to me. eventually lol...#/yea so i'm drawing some sky ocs rn hfsh :3 #i've made sky ocs before but i never really vibed with them much so i'll be trying some different stuff here #yea though !!#/oh yea and i'm going lineless lol :3 #it's been a long while since i've done that so i'm figuring this out again hfsh #//but YEA i gotta poof rn #ooo toodles !! .w.

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