#i’ve thought abt this with self insert shit

[nightmarevore]

some tidbits of this digestion drabble i’ve been working on. never enough loving digestion in the world

[funtheysaid]

IWTV 2x02 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)

- ooh the title card changed! I’ve been wanting to see the Eiffel Tower as a “fang” since season two was announced. WE IN PARIS BABY!

- ayooo three-way (interview) incoming

- Daniel’s “Paris sucks” aka “Paris is where my ex-bf is from and he sucks (dick), but not mine anymore, and no, I’m not bitter abt that, his city just fucking stinks (literally)”

- not two minutes in and Devil’s Minion is already flirting bickering

- ALICE MENTION alice!armand truthers are gon love that shit i just know

- “I’ll tell you what a woman is” That’s my sapphic-coded queen!!! 🕯️ pls S2 give me claudeleine 🕯️

- “Gauche” well, yes.

- Loumand: 🥰🥰 Daniel: 🙄 he‘s so second-hand embarrassed for them I can’t

- I mean, it’s crazy. What? We finish each other’s- I WAS WITH HIM FOR LONGER THAN LESTAT WAS WITH HIM WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN DANIEL PUT IT ON RECORD WEVE BEEN FUCKING FOR LIKE DOUBLE THE TIME …that’s what i…was….gonna say?

- Louis would be that faux-intellectual hipster who has his own darkroom full of overexposed and blurry, unfocused photos that are his “art” bc he took them on film (affectionate)

- Not claudia calling him out on it in the next scene “let me think I’m deeper than I am” okay honey you do you

- “She’s miserable but she doesn’t want to fuck with your too delusional left bank dilettante vibes” ahh the narrative foils are foiling, I see

- The show: Alice was pregnant, My dumb ass: OMEGAVERSE DEVILS MINION !?!?

- “joyfully joyless” MOOD.

- Claudia looking at Madeleine like “I don’t know if I want to be her or be with her” Dw babe it’s a rite of passage for all of us you’ll figure it out

- “Your French is ugly” 🥹👉👈 weally?

- “the dress for my body” LOOK I know what she meant, but I can’t help it that my mind is perverted

- LMFAO NOT GLORYHOLE PARK

- okay why Loumand playing with my heart “I will never harm you. And I never have” wtf wtf wtf

-Oh no the ole business card trick! we all know that’s Louis’ kryptonite he loves a man with credentials

- i like girls, but why is santiago kinda…

- Woah the Annika scene was really hard to watch which I think was the point but goddamn idk if I’ll be able to rewatch that part

- Estelle is my self-insert. I’m claiming her.

- “You both fucked Lestat!?!” HOW DID THEY KNOW WE WANTED HIM TO SAY THAT!?

- “He tasted of vermouth and annihilation” We both know you have no earthly idea what that man tastes like, Armand. Be so fucking fr right now.

- Did Armand just casually drop that he had a threesome with a father and son? I’m sorry, sir????

- “Now I know what two blood fat cocks slapping hands feel like” When I tell you my spirit left my body

- oh shit here we go. I’m a caged animal and it’s time for my weekly enrichment. give me my loustat.

- there’s a letter !?!? Wait wait I wasn’t ready for something like this wait stop stop please

- “all my love belongs to you. you are its keeper” just take me out back and shoot me at this point

- “it is a thin veil” fucking fuck why was that so romantic??

- the blood tears welling up in Lestat’s eyes I’m-

- “Rebound of my life” and in that moment, he spoke for the people

- WHAT IS HAPPENING???? Jesus Christ, they were talking about Alice and then it cuts to FUCKING ARMAND!?! This is not a drill. Everyone to your stations, this is not a drill.

- “You sold your Dad’s playboy magazines at recess” Hmmm? You’re telling me a “straight” teenage boy sold porno mags instead of keeping them for himself??? Yeah, I call gay on that one

- “she wanted to say yes” you motherfuckers.

- Oh shit Louis is pissy tonight rawr kitty got claws

- Devils minion girlies are thriving, skin glowing, hair silky, breath minty, pillow cold, stomach full, dreams sweet, and by Jove, we fucking deserve it !!!!

- daniel’s shaky “um- gulp” …….guys this is gonna sound crazy but i think there might actually be a god

- ooh the camera/photography being like a divide or barrier between Louis and his present situation. Like he wants to capture the moments, but only as if an onlooker and not a participant… interesting!

- “Who?” will never not be funny

- “Mon ami” in the same episode as “Mon Cher” FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

- “Armand for you” nah nah nah i changed my mind, you can do like Leatherface and shove that chainsaw in rough and hard

- Close up on Louis’ conflicted face, fire blazing behind him…. That’s not foreboding in any way. I’m sure they’ll all live happily ever after from now on :D

What a ride! Until next week! 🧛‍♂️🩸

[starrylayle]

coming on here to quickly rant abt remadora. Okk yess I know ‘another wolfstar shipper shitting on remadora’ here me out okay!!! Just for a sec!! I read the Harry Potter books for the first time back in 2017 and remadora was my shit. Remus was my second favourite male character and tonks was my second fave female character. (Harry and cho were my first faves — yes I self inserted into Harry and had the biggest crush on cho — yes I cried when they broke up — shut up we all had our embarrassing phases!!)

Anyways back to remadora, I just thought they were so cute together, even tho it felt a little random. But one thing that I remember that really pissed me off was the ship name. I never understood why it was ‘remadora’ and not ‘ronks’. Tonks hated being called Dora!! I remember ranting abt this on my Wattpad acc (yes I know SHHHH) when I was reviewing all the Hp ships.

I don’t ship it anymore (obviously lol) and looking back, I think my issue with the ship name is lowkey symbolic for my key problem with remadora — it basically removes everything that made her interesting in the first place and reduced her to just Another Woman Character in the series. When she got with Remus, she became more mellow, more feminine, more complacent — which are fine traits btw — but that’s not tonks!! Now as I’m older, and re-reading the series, I see a lot of subtext for a gender non-conforming and possibly genderqueer person forced into a heterosexual relationship simply becoz jo didn’t want ppl thinking Remus was gay and coz she had this weird thing abt all ‘good’ women being mothers.

Which brings me to tonk’s pregnancy — I wouldn’t mind a storyline for tonks having a child — I just hate how jkr had to fit it into this whole nuclear family model and get her and Remus to get married. I feel like a more compelling, or at least consistent characterisation would have tonks having a one night stand with Remus after they were both mourning their cousin/uncle/lover’s death. Shit happens sometimes. And it would be interesting to see Tonks and Remus grapple with this and what it means for their child.

Another head cannon I saw on tik tok was that Tonks had a threesome with Fleur and Bill and since polyamory wasn’t socially acceptable she asked Remus to be the stand in legal father — and ofc Remus would say yes coz he’s Remus!! This hc sounded wild to me at first but they all gave me queer vibes and it just makes me happy so now this is the headcanon I stick with lol.

Anyways not every woman has to have a husband and 2-3 kids to be a good person jkr!! Families are complex! Women are complex! And Tonks deserves better imo.

P.s. if you ship remadora that’s completely okay!! This is just my opinion!! I’ve seen remadora shippers who don’t water down tonk’s character/subtextual queerness — I just hate how jkr depicted the ship in canon.

[scarabtea]

I really don’t get into tumblr discourse or whatever and I intend to keep it that way but I’m sleep deprived and I’ve been seeing some shit so bear with me, but I think there’s a real… callous attitude with regards to how CERTAIN Scream fans will interact with Billy x Stu content bc they don’t like gay people getting in the way of their ‘favourable straight relationships’ and it really shows. you do not HAVE to like or interact w/ stuilly, and I think people have the right to produce any other ship media they want, but I’ve seen this weird trend with these certain people pushing their straight content into places where it really shouldn’t be - and where it’s honestly obnoxious for it to be, if that makes any sense.

I mean I had a whole endless draft abt this which I decided will never see the light of day because I can’t word my thoughts well enough right now but to try summarise it without going into as much detail:

a homosexual couple written by a gay screenwriter, inspired by real gay people, would be canon if it was straight, written in the era of “don’t ask, don’t tell”, supported by both actors and costars, and all I’m saying is these certain people wouldn’t act the way they’re acting if billy loomis was a woman or something.

but apparently gay portrayals in media are only real, and only deserve respect when they’re outright announced, and no amount of clear context behind it is enough to change someone’s mind unless they had actually made love on the big screen or some shit. but also remember that outright stating a relationship is gay is ‘shoving it in the face’ of those poor people who don’t want to see it! so I guess really this content just shouldn’t exist according to them.

and again this is a very specific subset of person that I’m getting at here. I don’t care if you make x reader content, don’t care if you do self inserts, this is aimed at a VERY particular type of person. I have a feeling maybe one or two of my followers will actually understand what I am blabbering about, bc if you know what I mean then you KNOW.

[crassinova]

⬇︎Rambling (mostly abt my fallout ocs Which is mostly chanceyLOLL) ⬇︎

I’ve always wanted to use those silly emoticons in my custom keyboard loool

But anyway this is basically what’s to come and plans from me since. Because I wanna let it all out NOW

- new fallout characters yaipeee!!

I need to post more of my other fallout ocs OTHER THAN CHANCEY. I swear I have a lot more awesome other ocs, Chancey is Just really Special. like Eva shes lovely she is. Important? well. Important to . But there is also MJ and my sole survivor I really need to get out there since. You know the protags of the fallout games. Though my fallout story actually revolves around Chancey which is why I always talk and draw him. So this is where my next thing comes up

- Chanceys book thing uhh Im gonna write yay

(I like how I wrote about “ooo I’m gonna introduce my other ocs no more Chancey anymore” and then I proceed to write more about him)

That’s right I’m gonna be writing. The problem is that I’m not Good at writing. I basically can’t explain my thoughts and ideas through words, from what you can see from my explanation of my two ocs, which is why drawing is my strong suit. But for this new project I am going to be writing.

Yes this is about chancey again.

Basically in. The most. I guess easiest way to describe summary than the chicken scratch is did in my notebook:

Basically Chancey writes a story with his Self insert character (kinda ironic since Chancey has some of my personal problems) and writes his experiences in a form of Fantasy fiction stuff. Or like a diary. since it would make me practice my writing and develop Chancey and his relationships since he will be Making characters in his book that are based off “real” people that he interacted in his life

I have to think and plan on how would Chancey write, how would he talk, and how he would doodle cause I think he would but also. I need to be confident on how I write certain characters. Like Nick for example because I’m afraid. I’ll get it wrong and he’s my favourite character but AUAGH jus gag

I dont know if I’ll be able to dedicate myself to this type of project but I wanna try. But it’ll be a slow process since I’m in my last year of highschool and I need to prepare my portofolio for an art Uni but we’ll see. But thank you for reading if you attempted to read this mess I wrote this in my math and science classes in a rush because I like paying attention. (I’m shit at it)

Edit: when I think about it Chanceys book just be good. Omens

[mars-ipan]

it’s funny. bman is one of those things that takes up a lot of brain space but i don’t have enough connected thoughts to make any new points or say anything abt it

[officialratprince]

hate to always be the one saying stuff like this but if you’re foggy on etiquette when interacting with authors on ao3, here are some things I’ve noticed and wanna caution against ! if you’ve done these things in the past and genuinely didn’t think abt it that’s fine but time to be more self aware kings

don’t ask to include works in a collection with an insulting name. collections like “my favorite trash fics” or “actually decent fics” are both ones i’ve encountered. this is so rude !! it seems like people don’t know this, but the word “decent” is not a polite adjective to use.

when leaving bookmarks, obviously leaving your brief thoughts about a piece is normal. please be polite and don’t leave comments like “6/10” or “this was okay but not my favorite” or even worse, “this was fine but the ending was rushed and was kind of bad” . jesus christ there is a button to mark your favorites so ppl can differentiate. you can make your bookmark private so the author can’t see how much you disliked their work. more importantly, if you don’t like a work then why are you fucking bookmarking it ?

if you don’t know the author, calling them by the nickname used by only their friends is not appropriate. it feels invasive and overfamiliar. we don’t know u!! we are not friends and similarly it’s not okay to make assumptions about the authors mental health (like saying “are you good” or “this feels like you’re processing *insert trauma*”)

being in comments saying things like “I wish you’d included *insert unmentioned or unrelated triggering topic or ideology without warning*” is not okay, considering that authors don’t owe you anything. actually complaining about lack of your specific interest is also weird as fuck just make a normal request on their tumblr if they offer that opportunity to you. this is literally just a hobby unless you send me $50 I don’t give a shit what you wish I’d covered.

leaving comments that are just a string of one emoji is fine if you absolutely have to do that but leaving that same comment on multiple fics is like. please just leave kudos (this might be a personal thing but it makes me feel absolutely nothing and doesn’t tell me anything. just type “nice fic” it’s two words )

some of these may be me being overly irritated, and obviously different authors may feel differently. but after several years and posting too many fics, I’m getting a little tired!!! authors can add stuff youve noticed but don’t be freaks abt this

[laughableillusions]

Ah shit I guess I’m gonna rant abt my self insert x Cthulhu OC:

Their name is Riley, pronouns are they/he. I say that because while they are more non-binary than masculine, they don’t mind their biological body and view it more as an earthly form than their real self. He is also a mid to low functioning autistic with low empathy (DOESNT MEAN HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT PEOPLE THO!!!)

Physical description: shaggy black hair, piercing grey eyes with dark circles, a sickly gaunt sort of face.

On their first interaction with Cthulhu’s true form (usually called Lu or ‘LuLu’) their eyes turned grey from the sheer shock of it. They are sickly because of the many interactions with Cthulhu, though he is very resilient against Cthulhu’s inherent madness-inducing features, it does very little good on his health as the years have gone by.

Riley was gained immortality for almost an u known reason (probably because of Cthulhu and being around him so much), he is 27 years old physically. But has been 27 since the 1920s (around the time Lovecraft was writing)

Their mother was part of Cthulhu’s cult, she ultimately offered herself up as a sacrifice to him and Riley was left to fend for themself until being picked up and raised by a lighthouse keeper (a trade which he inherited)

Cthulhu is so moved and hurt by the story of Riley’s mother that he drives the members responsible for her death completely mad and has them sacrificed by all of them dropping themselves off a sea cliff. Riley appreciates this closure.

Riley’s father is something of a mystery, and quite possibly the reason Cthulhu was drawn to them in the first place, it is suggested that their father is perhaps an “avatar of Azathoth itself” but both of them aren’t really sure, there is also evidence to say that Riley had no father and was simply spontaneously conceived.

Cthulhu was drawn to Riley’s soul, as it was much older and stranger than any normal human. At first he thought Riley was simply an avatar of Nyanthrolotep, but after investigation it was proven otherwise. Riley is in fact an insanely powerful being that is somehow inside a human mind and body (but there is nothing inherently nonhuman about this, the soul is human still…but also cosmically powerful)

Riley is still human however, so they are still extremely “fragile” to Cthulhu, and the Great Old One remarks upon this often and tends to overly fret sometimes.

Cthulhu doesn’t understand why Riley allows other humans to treat them cruel, or talk down to them. As perhaps even The Outer Gods would be at the mercy of Riley’s true potential. He even offering to shatter their minds or destroy them, they compromised so that Riley would simply stand up for themself.

Cthulhu can’t be out of slumber for too long, since the stars aren’t aligned for his true awakening he is still supposed to be sleeping. He says that this is the only time he has really ever slept in his life, and that it’s necessary that he spends more time hibernating. Riley & Lu usually only meet on the new moon of every month due to that as well as Riley’s fragile health, unless there is an emergency. He comes to them in their dreams more often than anything.

Cthulhu’s true voice would shatter a human brain if he even uttered a single syllable, so he talks in Riley’s head. His voice seems to emanate from everywhere all at once. Cthulhu uses this telepathy to help calm Riley’s overstimulation and sensory overload, as sometimes guiding them through difficult situations.

The cult is in fact a spot of trouble for Riley, many of them consider them and their relationship to Cthulhu “blasphemous” and have on many accounts been kidnapped and almost sacrificed.

Riley is outwardly perceived as timid and kind, however they are extremely unforgiving and are patient and meticulous their revenge, they also do not other people touching their stuff and have violently resolved the issue in the past. The people of the town know better than to disturb Riley uninvited.

Riley paints as a hobby, during his off hours when they’re not tending to the lighthouse, fishing, or swimming, they paint. Usually landscapes they see in their dreams (sometimes inspired by Cthulhu’s influence), Cthulhu is fascinated by the art. Never having to see a human create something before his eyes, or see the process of creation. Riley doesn’t mind him watching, and has painted him a few times.

If you wanna hear more just tell me…I’ve had Riley for years and I think they’re just so damn cool.

[wokestraightpuffy]

i have so many thoughts about c!puffy and i had no idea who else to come to besides the token mcytblr puffy enthusiast themself so i hope you don’t mind me dumping my thoughts on puffy in your inbox

anyways!! i’ve noticed a theme in her character: she always has to have a role, and these roles align with her relationships with other characters. ok ok so, her mama/papa puffy dynamic? based on that quote about her not having anyone i’ll bet literally all of my money that she adopted that role to be to others what she never had, what she always wanted. this also works if you think about her therapist and supportive, loving friend role. it’s a role she uses to connect herself to other people, to be a caretaker.

after the red banquet she DESPERATELY needs that loving role that she’s adopted, but she can’t play her own therapist because she’s been ripped away from both the mama/papa role (foolish’s death being blamed on her) and loving supportive friend role (killed antfrost) she’s come to this place where the roles she held onto arent (in her mind) available anymore. so she has to pick a different role, and because of the fact that she feels she’s hurt the people dearest to her, she picks the villain.

but the thing is!!!! she’s been actively hurting herself!! she’s been her own villain before she even considered the word!! she’s pushed herself into these roles of things that she desperately wants or needs herself but!! puffy, you cannot be the person you want to be for someone else when youve never given yourself the time to be that person for yourself.

please tell me this is comprehensible and i didn’t just go crazy in your inbox i am so sorry

i dont mind at ALL im absolutely delighted to read any and all tangents about c!puffy bc i love hearing everyones thoughts about her so thank u (´ ∀ ` *)

also holy shit 100% i agree w everything youve said, idk if puffy actively planned to insert self-identity into her characters arc but its something i think about a lot especially w her line about 'having to be mama puffy' and being a little lost when shes faced w the fact that she HAS one. i think her self-worth ties into that too, like she HAS to have SOME kind of role of use to them, otherwise whats the point? and man, the thought of her doing these roles bc shes subconsciously trying to find that role from other people to support herself?? i havent thought of that b4 outside of her acting like the server mom bc shes missing her own, and MAN. it makes sense and it makes me sadge

also it DID makes sense, i always love it when someone goes a lil feral in my inbox i personally enjoy it a lot. release all ur woes abt these block people in my asks, be my guest, i will be here to read ur cries <3

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[jacksallys]

hi thank you to @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists for tagging me in this fic writer tag game! i have not actually written a fic in a hot sec but i’m working on some stuff so yes. i have no idea who to tag but if you see this and you post fic then i’m tagging you <3

how many works do you have on ao3?

twenty one! tho i have nine more in my ao3 drafts

what’s your total ao3 word count?

fucking. 103844 what the fuck i only posted my first fic like. a year ago ish why did i spend six months writing 103k of muke fic when i could’ve written a fucking novel

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

two! 5sos & rainbow rowell’s carry on

what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. coffee shop fic (w/ muke)

2. random hair braiding prompt (w/ lashton)

3. the witch fic (w/ muke)

4. fake dating fic (w/ muke)

5. baz & smoking drabble (w/ snowbaz)

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

ok so i try to but also sometimes i put it off when i receive them, and then i forget about them and feel awkward answering them when i remember like five months later but i do read all of them and appreciate them all <3

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i am simply too depressed for angst. some people’s comfort tag is hurt/comfort but i can’t read that w out crying, let alone write it. i guess the end (so far) of what i’ve written of carry on fic is sorta angsty?

have you ever received hate on a fic?

no thankfully not bc i think i’d die inside

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

no! thank u to everyone who does i love that shit when it’s abt fictional characters and not real people but i can’t write it and also i don’t think i want to hfjdkd

have you ever had a fic stolen?

no i don’t think so hfjdks

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but the amount of shit that me and @radiosil3nce come up w could probably be put in a fic 😔

what’s your all time favourite ship?

ok. well. my first favourite ship was scorbus. i was dealing w a LOT of self internalised homophobia and then i started shipping them and realised hey maybe gay people aren’t gross, maybe i’m gay. it’s probably wolfstar, but also i don’t think i’d love wolfstar THAT much if i didn’t love sirius. based off of like, the dynamic alone, merthur. their dynamic’s elite. but wolfstar is my favourite just bc nothing makes me happier than thinking abt sirius black happy, and nothing makes sirius black happier than remus :)

what’s a wip that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

carry on fic but also draft’s wise, starstruck fic & my poly hp au

what are your writing strengths?

according to gigi it’s the fact that i write p good dialogue and am good at making my version of other people’s characters seem in character <3

what are your writing weaknesses?

probably. lack of motivation. and the fact that i can’t read over my own writing w out dying. and self confidence hfjdkdks

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

i’d probably do it! i think i’d just be nervous abt getting stuff wrong bc the only languages i know are english (barely) and french (studied it for five years and i can barely speak it) so. it’s not looking good

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

ok it was either winx with a self insert and a completely mary sue oc that i paired w brandon or a harry potter fic where draco had a sister who was a year younger than him called andromeda bc apparently in this andromeda black wasn’t a thing?? ok. also yes she was a self insert who decided to karate chop harry potter at the train station?? i was like, eight. enemies to lovers stan since ‘03 <3

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

god quality wise, i think either carry on fic or my witch fic are my best. carry on fic bc it’s the most recent, so ofc it’s gonna be the best bc writing gets better AS you write, so new stuff is always gonna be better than old stuff. i love my witch fic, i got some really nice comments on it and i think it’s one of my best, but also my fake dating fic has a special place in my heart, it’s rlly the only one that i reread

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some genius pt Musings i’ve been having this time around

1) the question of “is mytho’s hair white just from unknown decades of Time Passage within the paused story, like, his hair pigmentation Aged but nothing else lol” or “That, but his hair is white from the stress” (it’s that one lol. plus fr why would only his hair change due to Time) but i wanna introduce a Third Element: i think we can suppose in-the-story tutu’s appearance / disappearance happens just before or v shortly before the interrupted non-ending of prinz und rabe, and it sure seems like some or all or some Version of tutu’s Essence & part of the prince’s heart are like, truly Merged, and what if it’s that the prince got white hair from That b/c it was more swan-esque. a la the white feathery part of ahiru-tutu’s (& that one design of seemingly-prinz-und-rabe tutu)’s hair

2) again w/the matter of how at least part of Original Tutu seems to exist on in the prince’s physical heart: there’s the brief mention that fakir and mytho dance b/c Mytho Likes To Dance, which like, would be one of those Traits that transcends his emotions, like how he protects everything (so does tutu? emotionally? while the prince protects everyone physically (against a Metaphor for Despair so is that not also, in a way, emotionally too) like thank you power couple) but there’s also the brief mention that tutu is a Spirit Of Dance maybe so it’s like, again, did tutu becoming part of mytho pass something along in that way which imbues him with that proclivity to dance (although you’ve also got neko-sensei saying his dancing was not that Emotional earlier, which makes sense, but also seems like tutu protecting Feelings happens via dance. by “seems” i mean “this is a key aspect of literally every part of this series” s/o to me) or on another note: maybe drosselmeyer just wrote prinz und rabe For Adaptation lmfao. he was like “fuck yes they’re gonna make this into a ballet.” what with this series’ implication that like....the nutcracker is one of his stories where he just so happens to have a full self-insert who textually uses that power to make stories become reality. and that sure is a ballet. and from looking it up just now i’m learning that it was Based on a preexisting story, and, reading the wikipedia summary, i’m also remembering i’ve read an adapted-into-another-book version of this story, and it sure has another layer of “story interwoven with / becoming Reality” to it. anyways my point is i suppose, Watsonianly Speaking, prinz und rabe involving Ballet could’ve been Written Into It throughout all the characters, or maybe it’s just tutu who dances, which then becomes part of mytho’s character when her sacrifice like, bonds (part of? all? whomst can say) her to his heart. bless. doylean reason is this is a series about ballet and stuff

3) Another Briefly Mentioned thing when mytho talks about how he apparently could just naturally draw birds to him. and ahiru having that happen in the first episode/s is like, could be b/c she’s a bird or could be because she has part of the prince’s heart, as is emphasized like, immediately during the Bird Visit in ep 1. so i just had the thought like, a duck who cares about mytho gets to become tutu, but what if it was any other bird, surely it Could be. that fledgling canary he’s saving in episode 1 gets to become tutu mid-fall

4) i had some other Thought and i’ve forgotten it. well in the meantime thinking about how everyone dunks on Prinz Und Rabe Textual Lohengrin as the useless loser failure knight lmaooo but then like, that was just re: the One mentioned fatal raven encounter & also specifically about that lohengrin can’t protect the prince with his sword. but like, sure Behearted Mytho can probably exercise a little more discretion in risking his life to save whatever needs protecting, vs unsupervised heartless mytho diving out of windows, but can we really suppose he was That much more careful about staying safe vs impulsively throwing himself into a situation to save something at all costs. how much work did lohengrin do simply making sure the prince didn’t die in that sort of way. thank you lohengrin

5) oh right. i was thinking about Magic i think. s/o to the person who had the idea that when tutu sacrificed herself and turned into Light she might’ve merged with Good Magic in the story’s world, which the prince also had access to, and that’s how she kind of literally becomes part of him / they share powers / they share their Swan / Dance visual themes & stuff. & i was sure at one point wondering about the Forbidden But Granted Only To The Prince (own...?)-heart-shattering ability, like, maybe at some point an implicitly more specific verb was used like “taught,” or did the prince simply just Have the power by virtue of being the prince, or did it like, come from tutu who has the tie to the prince & Loved him & has those abilities to protect people’s Feelings, although maybe that’s just like, a choice and not inherently part of the magic lol. and then the Real World Magic we see is just like, inherited. but wait then there’s that bridge & ghosts & stuff, although there’s Stories about those too apparently. nvm this one’s really vague i’m just wondering if the Prince alone has that heartshattering Magic Technique through tutu or what. could be anything

6) but no really i think i had some other Thought, i’m sure it was great & ig i’ll reblog if it reoccurs to me, but i got distracted down another mental track so, you know, rip. in the meantime just thinking like, i have no imagination but was trying to muse on some sort of big Attack power the prince could have, b/c the classic thing to happen in the story (whether mentioned in its text or not) is for mytho to go ham with some such Power Surge [Magic Thing] to drive the raven away after lohengrin gets Got. even after he gets his full prince Abilities back he mostly only seems to Attack with his sword. damn wait a second and when he just like crashes Into the raven the big Swan Made Of Light appears first like hang on like is that Him? was it part of his Transport, can he like, Also turn into a swan of light or is it just how he Appears, was it tutu’s Hope Manifestation again since he’s being That to rue in that moment, oh my god. a lot to consider. anyways, but then the thing is, some sort of like Energy Blast move would go outside the realm of [fighting with the sword alone] and the prince’s Magic mostly seeming to be like, a mobility Boost, and how everything abt the prince is centered around Defense and Protection rather than going on the offensive. but then, who’s to say the Heart Shattering technique couldn’t be used as an Attack but was used by the prince only as a self-sacrificial protective thing, and who’s to say the prince Doesn’t have other powerful Attacks to draw from but refrains from using them if there’s others around to be hurt or whatever. i’m just trying to think of how the prince could just really go tf off and Immediately get the raven to fuck off after lohengrin is ko’d because that’s appropriately Tragically Dramatic & Emotion-Fueled Magic, not to mention the best case scenario vs still having to continue like 23 hours of battle when your boyfriend Just died. i mean like boom Light Blasts type situation i guess. or maybe he could just land a really good sword hit like Right Away. thinking about it. anyways

7) oh wait shit lmfao idk if this was The other thought but it was Another thought. that everyone in The Story (Within Reality) is like, locked in The Town (although they can leave if they’re not a Character / if they entered from outside? presumably) but in episode one this all kicks off b/c mytho was at The Lake which is Outside the town, right? i’m pretty sure. which like, is that something he Can and has been able to Do.....is this a. a liminal space. or did/does drosselmeyer like drop him over there sometimes For Some Reason, like having “stages” available around here, a la the s1 finale.....like, didn’t seem like he Knew if he put mytho in front of waterfowl that one would become devoted to restoring mytho’s heart. probably Does Not Matter, Actually, but it sure happened and much to Think about there. shoutout to mytho dancing en pointe whenever it’s magical and he can do so, e.g. when dancing naked on the surface of a liminal lake, or midair with tutu. iconic

8) the point is i’m sure just Thinking About Him (mytho)

[inferiorspooks]

qfg reaction: 7/10 not as bad as i thought it would be but not ... particularly good either

characters: first off, ‘jasper’ or whatever the fuck his name is, is a punk ass bitch. i’ve only known him for a few hours but if anything happened to him i would be extremely pleased.  Lady of The Lake kissed him??? sounds fake as shit but mkay. 

as for rhian,,,,, yeah okay rhian was a good twist villain, i thought he was hella bland as a support character. he and tedros played off each other well. (and dammit soman stop making them siblings to avoid shipping material) 

i loved Nicola. That scene where she told off sophie made me happy and i usually like sophie but yes i was rooting for her. RIP chaddick and lancelot you were good conceptually. Forgot everyone else. 

except hort. i fucking hated hort in this one. who would want a hort? 

Also, the tlea ending for Sophie was so satisfying. i feel like soman was trying to dismantle that bc he can’t just have one character arc that makes sense. or maybe he thought she was boring bc she was happy being on her own and he can’t stand the thought of one person not being paired up. or bc sophie is a self insert. or maybe-

lots of developed arcs got tossed away to create more drama. am not a fan. 0/10 do better. 

relationships: i didn’t like tedros/agatha that much and this book didn’t convince me very much. the scene after tedros and sophie ‘break up’  in tlea pushed me over the edge but yeah. not very much in this one. 

the letter sophie sends to agatha where she calls herself ‘silly old me’ is exactly the content i wanted. love is stored in agatha realizing the importance of platonic relationships. their reunion was cute, if not for hort grumbling darkly about hating agatha for hugging her SISTER even though i thought they established a friendship last time. 

i was getting behind the idea of them as sisters until they smiled knowingly at each other during that weak hester/anadil bonfire scene. like. wtf was that? why knowingly? because they were girls in love too, but actually not???? whomst?? 

tbh some of the hicola scenes were cute but i still don’t like hort. give me back comic relief hort. 

ALSO: if i see anyone shipping dot and kei i will combust on the spot i know abt the rafal/dot stuff and i’m just gonna stay in my tiny corner of the fandom, why you guys gotta be like... that. (keian is ok but it has to be done right. that being said please send me your fic recs)

plot: got weird sometimes, too slow paced and too fast at times. kinda confusing but i’ve never super smart and analytical anyways so maybe it’s just me. personally the first one is my favorite because of all the twists but they just got kind of tiring to me in this one. 

soman seemed eager to hop from mystery to political drama to romantic drama to magical fantasy to old fairy tale centric quests and it really lost me eventually. 

i didn’t get the lion eagle snake story but i don’t think many people did anyways. all in all, it was fun at times, but i’ll never take it as seriously as the school years. 

[bronanlynch]

beam saber recap time: an ex-osha inspector and an ex-mech sports athlete walk into a secret underground bunker full of scientists who hate each other and now they’re all snowed in together! what happens next will shock you!

(technically a christmas episode, depending on how you define christmas episodes)

starting off strong with kay @girlfriendsofthegalaxy saying concerning sentences to me: “I’ve been playing red dead redemption so I’ve been looking up a lot of pinkerton manuals about union busting” “I love where this is going” “don’t worry about”

“unions?? in my god-fearing underground base??? it’s more likely than you think”

accidentally gave an npc a slightly stronger version of my new jersey accent, which I guess is fair considering they’re an archaeologist who’s trying to unionize so it that not just a self-insert oc at this point

zan @duckswithwings: “that’s my secret, cap, I’ve always been from new jersey”

reappearance of the artist formerly known as hawthorne march aka ballad imperative aka herculine vane

v bought her silence by asking her out on a date. love this awkward fraught spy romance we’ve got going on here

a very fun conversation between v and her rival, holliday rue. I love playing holliday she’s so awful. I didn’t transcribe everything we said but. some highlights

Holliday: “We need to talk”

V: “do we, what do we need to talk about”

Holliday: “I think it will be relevant to your interests”

V: “Relevant to my interests, right, because you know so much about those”

Holliday: “is your continued self-preservation not still relevant to your interests?”

(some stuff that I didn’t transcribe because I started paraphrasing, holliday is threatening to tell someone that v’s been doing shit she’s not supposed to, and saying that she knows v’s up to something, at some point v says “and yeah I am up to things, because I’m a spy”)

V: “I thought you were smarter than to threaten a spy with a gun, my expectations for you were low, the bar was on the ground, but now it’s in the bunker we’re in”

Holliday: “valentine, darling, I thought you were smarter than to assume that I don’t have a gun”

V: “you might have a gun but do you have a bulletproof vest”

Holliday: “think about this sensibly, if you were to shoot me in a crowded room, imagine how that would look”

helpful aside from zan suggesting that v doesn’t need to shoot her and can just stab her with a poison volt meter

kay: “How do I give my rival food poisoning”

V: “Only one of us is a dedicated decorated civil servant (I’m lying, they don’t give spies medals)”

Holliday: “and yet only one of us was forced to resign in disgrace”

the other fun thing abt that conversation is that while v is having a miserable awful time, indigo is arranging a threesome in the background because they’re snowed in and he’s gonna live his best tropiest life

I think this was a mission where I did a little bit too much prep and had things a little too complicated in my notes but I like how it turned out and like. which parts of my planning I decided to keep

especially happy with how some of the stuff with hawthorne/herculine turned out, and the part about her helping some other spies defect from the empire as a way of showing the party one potential way out for them

and then also managing to include some stuff that I wasn’t sure how to fit in until indigo started flirting with some of the people who were defecting, so now he knows that some of them want to join the cirque du soldat, the independent squad his twin belongs to

my other fave moment as a gm this session was when I said that a certain npc would probably join another faction instead of going independent, and I have in my notes that it’s because she likes belonging to a military hierarchy, and before I said that zan said “yeah, makes sense, she seems like she likes the structure” which. love when I can characterize relatively minor npcs well enough that my players pick up on what their motivations are

zan made sure to establish that indigo still had the orb in his pocket during any and all seducing he was doing, leading kay to call him a nevernude and me to say the horrible sentence “instead of leave room for jesus, leave room for the orb”

indigo installed the orb into his mech and then bonded with it like he’s the protagonist of a horse girl movie

my game mechanics answer to what having a sentient orb installed into your mech does was “a mech can make a move at any time”

indigo took one of his several boyfriends on a date

zan: “Have I learned anything about Dr. Boyfriend” me: “yeah his name maybe”

v is having trouble buying a house because her credit score is bad because she’s a spy who lives on a secret base and legally doesn’t exist

zan and I kept saying a distorbance in the forbce and kay made increasingly distressed noises, sorry kay I need to say at least one cursed thing per session it’s how I reduce my stress