#i’ve never even considered selling wow

[softhe4rted]

hii im sorry if you have already answered to something like this but,,,, i really love your edits and i would love to have a print of them in my room…. do you sell them online? if not, would you allow me to print some of them myself ?

hiii! thank you so much for your ask. i’m currently not selling any but of course anyone’s welcomed to print some for personal use :’) 🌷 i’m deeply honored <3

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Kaz and Wylan’s potential to become each other

Wow, you guys were a lot more excited about this than I was expecting! I made a post briefly mentioning this idea and it got way more attention that I was expecting, so as promised here is my explanation and I’ve tagged people who asked for it at the end :)

*WARNING: CONSTANT SPOILERS AHEAD*

Ok so the driving forcing of this comparison is rooted in the similarities of their characters and their backstories. Both of them lost a close family member, were abused by men with power over them, and experienced a form of ‘rebirth’ by nearly drowning in the Ketterdam canals. They also both experience disability; Kaz using a cane for a broken leg that didn’t heal correctly, and Wylan having severe dyslexia that prevented him from learning to read. A key difference that separates them, and arguably is a representation of the difference in the way their experiences have shaped their personalities as well, is that Kaz’s disability is a direct result of his chasing after vengeance, whereas Wylan’s disability was used as an excuse for his father to abuse him for what we as the reader see to be a minimum of eight years. (I’m assuming this because he is 16 in the book and was 8 when his mother ‘died’, which is the point that he describes he father to have “given up on him”)

I’m gonna quickly hop to parallels between Kaz and Pekka Rollins, bare with me I promise it’s relevant, which are quickly established as a key part of the novels. When Inej compares them, Kaz’s reply is “I don’t sell girls, I don’t con helpless kids out of their money” to which she gently responds “look at the floor of the Crow Club, Kaz”. Aside from this being the heartbreaking line that it is, it also does a very good job of highlighting their similarities and a similarity that they share with Jan Van Eck. When they meet the merch at the end of the first book they meet on an island called Vellgeluk, which is described as being popular with smugglers and slavers like those who kidnapped Inej. The other Crows are surprised Van Eck knows about Vellgeluk, but Kaz simply says “maybe he isn’t the upstanding merch he appears to be”. Great subtle foreshadowing for his double cross, and great establishment of the link between these three characters. In fact, Van Eck and Kaz echo each other more than you might think. Just as Kaz states “Greed bows to me, it is my servant and my lever”, Van Eck says “Yes, Chaos will come. And I will be it’s master”. In their first meeting, Van Eck accuses Kaz of murder and gambling with people’s lives, and in return Kaz points out that 1 in 5 of Van Eck’s ships will never return because they will sink or “fall prey to pirates”, so they are both doing the same thing, and that they both have the same motivations for this bloodshed: “profit”.

Now consider how often Wylan echoes Kaz, and therefore whether he echoes his father as well. They both have exceptional memories, Kaz’s being photographic/eidetic and Wylan being able to put words to music in his head to remember pages worth of infomation - this is even emphasised by Kaz being able to count cards when he gambles, saying “he could keep track of the game for up to three decks” and Jesper asking Wylan if he’d be able to apply “that trick to counting cards” to which he replies “probably. But I won’t”. They also both have impressive intellects, which could have placed them far higher up in the world than they’ve found themselves if it weren’t for cruel circumstances - Van Eck even comments on this, saying it angers him that Kaz has so much potential but does nothing with it. Then there’s their tendency to avoid being vulnerable. I think we too often overlook the fact that no-one knows Jan Van Eck hired two men to kill his son, not even Jesper, and that not even Inej knows what happened to Kaz on the Reaper’s Barge. Jesper believes that Wylan left his house as a result of his father’s abuse but that it was still his choice, and Inej has no information beyond “Pekka Rollins killed my brother” and the explanation of the con when Kaz faces off with Rollins in Crooked Kingdom. I genuinely believe that the biggest thing separating them is where they place blame for their situations. Kaz blames Pekka Rollins. Wylan actually blames himself.

Arguably, although he catalysed the events, if Rollins hadn’t conned Kaz and Jordie they still would have suffered in an almost identical way: they would both contract the Queen’s Lady Plague, they wouldn’t have enough money for both medicine and boarding, and Jordie would die. In that scenario Kaz would have still been left penniless and alone with nowhere to go, but he wouldn’t have had anyone to blame. In fact, he may have died as well because it’s really his drive for vengeance that makes him strive for survival. When he’s on the Reaper’s Barge he wonders if it’s worth trying to survive because there’s nothing waiting for him in the city, but then he realises that the chance of revenge is waiting for him, and that thought drives him to stay alive every day that follows. Without Rollins, Kaz probably would have blamed himself for Jordie’s death, and I’m backing that up with the singular moment when he’s first attacked by parem-high tide makers and has a brief “boy’s fear” that they are ghosts. He thinks, for a split second, that a ghost has come to kill him and what does he say? He says “Jordie had come for vengeance at last”. This is chapter three. We have no idea who Jordie is. With the limited information we had at the time and what we’d just seen happen to Big Bolliger, I assumed it was someone in Kaz’s gang that he had backstabbed and who has died because of what he did. But no. This single line leads me to wholeheartedly believe that Kaz blames Rollins, who realistically was only a small part of his suffering, quite so vividly to emotionally avoid blaming himself.

Wylan blames himself until around chapters 14 to 16 of Crooked Kingdom. His experiences with mental, emotional, and physical abuse have actively convinced him that his so-called ‘inadequacies’ caused a change in his father’s behaviour. But Wylan not being able to read didn’t magically turn Van Eck from a lucky family man into someone willing to try “specialists, tonics, beatings, [and] hypnotism” against his child. The fact is that Van Eck, like many abusers, is masterfully manipulative in everything he does. Wylan describes seeing his parents’ marriage as a happy one, but he also says “the argued all the time, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. He’s quick to defend their relationship as if it isn’t supposed to be marred by argument and he lays blame on himself by suggesting that he was the root of their unhappiness. He also says that around Alys, Jan Van Eck becomes who he once was around Marya; a kinder, gentler man. I don’t think we’re meant to assume that he’s acting any differently with Alys in private right now, but I do think we’re meant to assume that he would have done down the line if he hadn’t been arrested (and presumably she filed for divorce). In chapter 14 of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan learns that his mother is still alive but that his father had her committed and declared insane so he could use it as grounds for divorce and marry Alys instead. And you know what happens? Wylan blames himself. He says, verbatim, to Jesper: “You don’t understand. It’s my fault”. He explains that Van Eck did this so he could have a “real heir”; because Marya produced a “faulty” child he needed a new woman to give him the child he wanted. That’s a messed up thing to think on so many levels, but Wylan doesn’t blame Van Eck because he is still being conditioned by his abuse. He and Kaz experienced different kinds of abuse, and Kaz wasn’t conditioned to blame anyone but his abuser, so that’s what he does. When Wylan does begin to blame Van Eck, he is immediately taken in by this same idea of revenge. Kaz says “you were angry. I needed you righteous” when explaining why he sent Wylan to St Hilde blind in chapter 16. Wylan was angry with his father before, but he wasn’t actively seeking vengeance. Now that he has a cause, someone other than himself to fight for? He tells Kaz “well, now you have me”.

Both of them have this potential to be fuelled by revenge or self-hatred, and although they go about it in different ways and lean towards different sides of the scale they are both balancing between those two extremes for the entire duology. Their past experiences have, and their future experiences could, tip them further either way but right now they are almost playing with the line.

Thank you so much if you’ve bothered to read this far, sorry for the long post but you did ask for an essay, so there you go. Tagging the people who asked - @kazooyay @mikasimaginairyworld @sunseeking-cyptid @moonlit-aura @alexplutoplanet @gandalfsmallnaturals @livsarthaven @goodomenstrack23 @origami-butterfly @flower-biatch @bookworm010307 @thesunniest @wherela @space-ace-thoughts @sixofbabycrows @antisocial-burrito

Sorry if I missed anyone!!!

[bisexualcage]

Half-Truths | Johnny Cage x GN!Reader (Requested)

Pairing: Johnny Cage x Gender Neutral!Reader

Summary: You and your costar Johnny get stuck in a PR (fake) relationship to promote your new film. It’s a bit fluffy & angsty.

Warnings: No warnings, although some sexual insinuations here and there.

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: I didn’t proof read a lot so yeah excuse any mistakes

There was a sense of annoyance you got immediately after receiving word that you’d have to participate in a PR relationship with no other than Johnny Cage. He was annoying— egotistical even, and that’s just what you saw when you were on set. So when your management suggested that it’d benefit the film’s promo to start dating you threw a fit. It was enough spending months with him filming, it was another nightmare pretending to like him in real life. Johnny was all over the idea, immediately jumped on board as attention starved as he was.

“So Cage, there’s been some rumors…circling the webs ya know…”

Johnny smirked and crossed his legs on the seat, knowing exactly what was about to come as he shot you a quick glance. “Oh I know, buddy.” He winked your way before looking back at the interviewer in front of you both. You were both promoting your film and in every interview you found yourself slowly going crazy by the same questions.

“Is it true? Are you both a thing?” The interviewer smiled.

“Oh we’re more than a thing. We’re quite…familiar with one another for a few months now.” He smirked, then playfully bumped your shoulder with his as you sported a flushed expression.

The interviewer then looked at you for confirmation making your eyes roll mentally; “That’s…that’s exactly right.” Your smile.

“Oh babe, I love when you’re shy.” Johnny said suddenly, making you go more red against your wishes.

“Wow, you two are sure hitting it off! I’m happy for you both, I bet your fans are ecstatic Cage.” The interviewer chuckled.

“Hell yeah, they love (name), right honey?”

—

“Hey- sweetheart, wait up!” Johnny yelled after you when the interview was over, you felt like your face was 50 shades of red and you hated him for making you feel gooey in front of a camera even though it was not real.

“Don’t.” You turned around suddenly and face him, “You embarrassed me. We were just supposed to confirm we were dating, none of that lovey dovey bullshit you pulled.”

There was a loud silence on his part as you finished ranting, a hurt expression of sorts before he shrugged it off and smirked again. “Come on! We gotta sell it. That’s what our management demands— that’s what the fans demand.” He let his hands drop to his thighs.

You scoffed loudly, “A confirmation was enough!”, you were being immature, hiding what you really felt inside.

Johnny laughed now, “Listen sweetheart, you weren’t exactly selling it in the previous interviews so I had to step it up!”

What’s funny is that he was correct, but you wouldn’t admit it. Not now. Not ever probably.

“Whatever, I’m done for the day.” You rubbed your forehead.

The actor raised an eyebrow at you, “You gonna come to the film festival right? Now there, there is a lot of promo to do there in a few days.” He winked.

You groan, “It’s my job unfortunately so of course I’m going-��

“You know, in all the months that we spent together shooting I’ve never known you to be the relaxed type— you’re constantly uptight. Like a little angry chihuahua. Let loose, this’ll be good for us.” He grinned.

“Good for us?” You raise an eyebrow questionably.

Johnny chuckles, “Yes, us…”

“What do you mean by that? Don’t start actually getting feelings on me now.” You cross your arms, a visible warmth up your neck.

“I know I know, it’s our job. Don’t worry, honey.” He nudges your shoulder.

—

A few days later the film festival came to be, there was actors of all calibers walking around being interviewed and their films being shown on projectors for audiences and critics. There was already a pressure of sorts- professionally and personally. You didn’t consider yourself the best actor in the world but you put your heart in this film— and as much as you hated to admit so did Johnny.

You walk in with professional attire, a carpet on the floor as you walked over it and a bunch of paparazzi started shouting your name and taking pictures. You weren’t used to this, you weren’t Johnny and it made you anxious the more you stood there trying to smile at every direction. Your hands shook slightly and you shoved them in your pockets to hide it.

Suddenly, you hear an uproar of yelling on the other side of the carpet as someone pulled up in a limo and you immediately knew who it was. Johnny, getting out in a dashing suit and tie, his usual shades on his face as he had his hair swayed a bit to the side. A bunch of fans were yelling at him compliments and even inappropriate comments but Johnny lived for that and smiled at them as blew kisses at the fans behind the railings.

“Name! Do you like your boyfriend’s outfit?” A paparazzi yelled as you forgot you were posing on the carpet, you shook your head and gave a simple thumbs up as your fingers kept shaking. You were about to have enough and walk off to the actual event but you felt a hand slide around your waist and pull you back.

“Hey, baby.” Johnny whispered in your ear and winked at you as he held you to his side, his hand softly gripping your waist as the paparazzi went crazy and started flashing their cameras even more. Johnny showed his pearly whites to the cameras all confidently and you looked the opposite, he noticed this as he felt your skin shake under his grip.

“You okay? Come on, let’s go…let’s get you some water.” He slid his hand now to the small on your back and walked your jittery figure out the carpet to the main event.

Inside you were screaming at his unexpected tenderness and for the life of you…you couldn’t figure out if this was part of the PR or not. Regardless, you looked at him with a rare softness. “Thanks…” you said lowly, a warmness on your cheeks.

Johnny chuckles and pats your back now, “If you fainted on the carpet it would been good for the film’s promo.” He said, obviously joking, there was a flash of care under his cocky expression. “Now, where’s that water?” He looked around, a bunch of actors and executives finding their seats for the viewing of your film.

Johnny then grabbed you by the wrist suddenly and dragged you like an excited puppy when he found the bar, “Hey man, give me your best H20 and a whiskey.”

The barman nodded and handed him a water bottle and then handed him his whiskey. Johnny opened the water bottle cap with his mouth, which you found amusing to say the least and then handed it to you; “Drink up, don’t want you pale. I know you ain’t used to these type of huge events like I am.”

“Johnny I’m fine for Christ sake-“ you chug the water, a clear blush on your face.

“Huh oh! Don’t blame a guy for caring you rascal.” He nudges you.

“I’m not saying you can’t…just….” You trail off shyly.

The actor raises an eyebrow, “Just what, sweetness?”

Before you can even formulate a rebuttal the hosts called for all attendees and cast members to get to their seats for the viewing of the film to start. You both found your seats, along with the director of the film and a few other cast members. You were nervous now, critics came from all around to judge and you couldn’t keep your leg from bouncing.

As the lights dimmed and the film started you looked over at a smiley Johnny who has his eyes fixated on the screen— the lights highlighting his face. It was endearing almost, despite his irritating personality sometimes he cared about filmmaking he cared about the craft— he cared about acting. If you counted the amount of times he quizzed you on film trivia back when you were filming on set you’d be a billionaire. He must of noticed your staring because he snapped his head your way and smirked.

“You know, we look good onscreen.” He whispered in your ear.

You chuckle softly, “I hope so. Would hate for a bunch of old men critiquing how bad I look.” You whisper back.

Johnny snorted now, a sparkle in his eyes even though it was pretty dark. Patting your knee briefly and then going back to watch the film. It was as if it was so natural of him to be so touchy with you and you didn’t get it.

As the film comes to an end there was a standing ovation. Rows of people standing up to applaud the film and it made you emotional. Your eyes glassy but you didn’t let any tears fall. Johnny looked over at you and patted your back with a smile, rubbing your back softly. “You’re just as a rockstar as I am.” He mumbled.

“Shut up.” You laugh with a shy smile.

Soon after, there was interviews held. Your whole cast and crew sat in a circle as interviewers asked everyone questions one by one.

“You seem emotional. This is your first time at a film festival right? and you experienced a standing ovation. You were amazing alongside Johnny and you guys had the best chemistry.” An interviewer said your way, the whole cast and crew looking at you, including Johnny who sat next to you.

You chuckle with a blush, “Thank you. Yeah, I was certainly a mess. This is all new for me and I- I really am so grateful for this opportunity.”

The interviewer now turned to Johnny with an excited expression, “Was there an instance on set that made you go…wow, this’ll work. I mean, it was so good you’re both in a relationship now.”

Johnny chuckles, looking over at you briefly; “I guess it was. Although, yeah, there was a moment on set where we were shooting the kissing scene and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I was shaking like a damn maraca— I’ve kissed so many people. But (name)’s confidence and sternness in getting it done made me more…interested.”

Your face grew warm at his unexpected honesty, even while he said it there was no ounce of cockiness unlike in other interviews. It took you aback to say the least.

“And that’s how it came to be, huh? You were hooked immediately?” The interviewer kept going.

Johnny nods, “Definitely, like a fish to a hook.”

You looked at Johnny with a stunned expression, still not knowing how real he was being about that.

“You look surprised.” The interviewer shot at you.

“Oh- no, I’m just shocked at his information. He…never told me this.” You shifted in your seat as everyone in th room looked your way. “But huh- yeah he never ceases to amaze me.”

There wasn’t much PR work done on both your parts other than being seen in interviews together and some public sightings of you both walking around town, up until the carpet today when he decided to hold your waist. Outside of that everything’s been pure speculation and with Johnny confirming you both “dating” a few days ago, these invading questions were only gonna ramp up in the following weeks. And that was only further proven when the next question smacked your face.

“How’s bedroom time? Is (name) as stern with you in bed as on set?” The interviewer said with a perverted smile.

You didn’t know how to answer when he directed that question at you, everyone in the room slightly gasped and went quiet.

“What?” You whispered at the interviewer, your throat becoming dry.

“I said-“

“Hold your horses. That’s not a very respectful question is it? And most of all none of your damn business.” Johnny’s laid back demeanor was suddenly gone and his jaw clenched slightly. He took his shades off and his brown eyes were staring holes in to him.

“Woah- hold on, I’m just asking questions. I mean, y’all confirmed your relationship recently I’m just scooping a bit-“

“Johnny-“ you tried to intervene.

But Johnny grew colder at the man, “And that gives you the right to be a weirdo?”

Suddenly both of your agents stood up and begged for you both to say your goodbyes and end the interview. Johnny on the other hand wasn’t persuade as easily and ended up asking for the interviewers boss and the company he works for.

“Hey, damn- you sure make a habit of running off!” Johnny ran up behind you as the event came to a close.

You turn around with a stern expression, “Stop…”

“Woah woah woah- what’s wrong?” He whispered, looking around to see if anyone was looking.

You scoff loudly, crossing your arms, “You’re confusing me, you know that?”

Johnny raises an eyebrow, “About?”

“About this whole damn thing. This.” You point and him and yourself. “This damn circus act, it’s gonna drive me insane-“

“Babe, you agreed to this circus act. Come on, you can’t tell me you’re not having a bit fun despite…it’s downs.” He thinks back to the interviewer with a solemn expression.

“Look, I appreciate you sticking up for me. But all you’re doing is confusing the hell out of me with what’s real or not. Sometimes it looks like you mean what you say and do-“

“I do. I can’t keep faking it anymore.” He said with a serious expression, his little smile gone.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“That whole story you told about being nervous when kissing me on set, that was real? Your nice deeds?” You said a bit too loudly because of how shocked you were.

He approaches you more with a tender expression, making you grow warm, “Yes.”

You shake your head rapidly, “Cage, you better not be pulling my leg here…”

“Shut up and come here…” he cupped your jaw with both his hands and pressed his lips firmly against yours.

It was all so sudden that you didn’t even know what was happening at first, you eventually reciprocated with a blush on your face. When he felt you reciprocating he let out a sigh of relief against your lips, slipping his tongue in your mouth and rubbing it against yours, he then pulled back softly as he rested his forehead against yours.

“Cat got your tongue, honey?” He rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs.

“You’re crazy you know that?” You smile warmly, “god you drive me insane…”

“Tell me, was this better than the kiss we had on set?” He smirked, looking down at your lips.

“It’s definitely an upgrade.” You look at his eyes softly.

Johnny smiled softly, bringing you in for an embrace, his mouth against your ear; “These weeks have been hell- pretending to be with you, making up stories and none of them being real. I want it to be real.”

It was a completely different version of him you’ve never seen, unusually very vulnerable and real.

“You know, I never really hated you. I was trying to…push my feelings away— thinking that it’d prevent me from liking you.” You said truthfully, looking in to his eyes.

“Oh I know that sweetheart, thats why I kept being specially annoying with the PR cause I knew you liked me— could see it from a mile away.” His smirk came back on his face, “I mean, who could resist this?”

“Cage…” You slap his shoulder playfully.

“Smack me like that again and we’re gonna end up in completely different circumstances.” He whispered in your ear.

“Oh yeah? You’re already thinking about that?”

Johnny kisses your jawline, taking in your smell, “Well, we are an item now are we not? No PR, no bs anymore babe.”

“Thank god, Hollywood.”

[vindickyoutive]

spoilers!!

ok so thoughts on the first 3 eps.

- annie being a childhood bully, i kinda seen it coming. i feel like her mother’s narcissism & projection most likely instilled this sense of entitlement within her in her youth. interesting reveal, i wonder how this’ll come up again later on in the season now that the first half is presumably done.

- hughie’s mom lmfmdmdd that theory i had with his mom also being homelander’s mom seems kinda dead in the water, especially with the post partum & attempted suicide explanation. also hughie & victoria nueman were definitely a thing idc what anyone says, i’ll write the fic myself!

- mm being the leader!! mm kinda being mediocre at it but not messy! also his fight with billy was.. 😕 really feeling like they’re going to do down the comics route & it might be gut wrenching, but who knows!! it seems like they’re still changing things up. (everything that’s going on with black noir’s character)

- frenchie/kimiko, i’ve never seen a captive-savior, friends to siblings to lover, back to siblings to friends trope before and i gotta say.. i could care less either way, makes for an entertaining watch though!

- sister sage, i’d let her sit on my face. that’s it. that’s all. in all seriousness though, wow, talk about a fresh face!! her dynamic with homelander is chefs kiss & the fact that they’re literally going everywhere together the first 3 eps is hilarious, it’s like mean girls but just two girls. homelander literally going out of his comfort zone to recruit her, wooooooooooooooooooooo

- firecracker, not much thoughts on her yet. her backstory with starlight is eyebrow raising but that’s pretty much it!

now to the big 3

- ryan.. oh my precious little angel. god where do i start. first off cameron corvetti is doing an amazing job, really selling how emotionally torn ryan is. ryan himself is such a fascinating character in this season especially, & i love that we’re finally seeing him make his OWN decisions. he went to go see butcher. by himself. he misses butcher, and he knew that it would upset his father but they showed that the boy has his own desires & his own autonomy. every season we either saw ryan with someone by his side, whether it be an adult figure or just anyone else - always making decisions for him or telling him how he should feel about this or that.

he’s told how he should perceive his father, what he should do, what he shouldn’t do, what his future may be. i feel like now, with all those external layers aside, we’re going to see ryan’s approach on things now, especially the later episodes that’ll come out & i’m so excited. god, i’m so sad for him. i have more to say on ryan but i can’t even put it into words.

- billy, billy, billy! still a mess. it’s so interesting seeing him still make borderline bad decisions & pulling out of them, but this time he pulled out of one early. thank god. drugging ryan? that was not going to end well. 💀

like i said, how low he is this season has got to be the lowest we’ve seen him since the beginning of season 2? the beginning of each season he’s pretty down under, but this one just feels different. especially considering that between every interaction someone is basically telling him that’s he’s a deadman walking. 6months, 6months, 6months!! seeing him patch things up with ryan is a balm to my soul, seeing him make ryan smile, balm to my soul, oh & he missed becca so much gaaaaahhh!! on the bright side, seeing him so low, he’s got to get a win soon & i’m ready to see what it’ll be! i wonder how the writers are going to navigate his illness, i still am leaning towards the idea that he might get powers himself. (i havent read any voughthq spoilers other than the few i’ve seen around regarding a bit of hl, these are raw thoughts, most of the time.)

- homelanderrerereeererererrrerererrr

more personal season for him, imo. we seen his morning routine, seen his tits, seen him OUT OF HIS GODDAMN SUITTTT, seen him have an early severe mental episode after he found out ryan was with butcher. next few episodes should do a deep dive, finally, on the torment & abused he suffered through as a child. and i’m just… devastated. now to be truthful, it was a SHAKY start. i didn’t like the taste in my mouth with all of the trump references, & some bits of how he was treating ryan, especially with being all controlling?? if that makes sense? considering how sorta gentle he was with him in season 2 or 3. forcing ryan into this & that, kinda didn’t really align with what whatever they had going on in the prior seasons. i feel like they just wanted to push the envelope a bit, & not so subtly say, hey, he’s not a good dad but the writers don’t know homelander like EYE do so. i mean, we ALL know he’s not the best dad, & his thirst for being the best dad for ryan is the conflict between him & ryan imo 🙂 he wants to give ryan what he never had, he wants everything to be PERFECT for ryan but ryan feels like he doesn’t deserve it, which pushes & pulls at ryan, especially since homelander is all ryan has left in a way. unfortunately, at the end of the day, they both need each other. & that’s how i’ve always seen that pairing.

anyways, episode 3, they kinda got back on track. hmm. i feel like this wouldn’t push ryan completely away from him though, & a delusional part of me sees homelander apologizing to ryan (not a straight up ‘i’m sorry about that’ ofc) perhaps an attempt on giving him a milkshake idk 🥹

[mintymelty]

YHS: A Serialization [] 1. A Funny First Day

════ ⋆💙⋆ ════

Hi.

Today’s September 1st. A Tuesday, and the first actual day of school.

You may be asking why I look so emo.

To make a long story short, I slayed too hard at my first highschool, was bummed out too much at the second, and now I’m currently attending Yamada High on what accounts to academic probation. I even have my own cop in my dorm! Well she says her name is ‘Kim’ and that she’s my cousin but she’s basically a probation cop. And a snooty one at that.

💛: “Oh, you have to go to the REGULAR literature class? Well, good luck with the PLEBEIANS, I’ll be on my way to ADVANCED PLACEMENT-“ Go away, I don’t like you.

But whatever, there’s this “cool” guy chatting up a storm with some other student, and said student looks bored AF. For the last few minutes he’s been making the rounds across Mr. Draco’s classroom (which I have no idea how; with the way he acts, I thought Mr. Draco hated any form of conversation) to try and… IDK sell them a used car?

◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷

🌻: “So, you new here?” ‘Cool Guy’ whipped his head around to face me.

💙: “Yeah.” Duh?? Not to be rude, but no-one’s ever seen me here.

🌻: “Cool! Cool.. I like your jacket, you do sports?”

💙: “No, not yet. Never really had the chance to get into extra-curricular stuff.”

🌻: “Oh, really?”

💙: “Yeah… I mean I guess I have plenty of free time right now, huh?”

🌻: “If that’s the case, are you free this Friday?”

💙: “WOW, I don’t even know your name-“

🌻: “Wha?- I mean I’m in a band and we’re having a garage concert this Friday. My bad.”

💙: “Oh! What music are you playing?”

🌻“How do you feel about… indie rock? You seem like the kind of girl to be into that.”

💙: “I do? What about me gives of that vibe?”

🌻“I dunno, just your outfit? Like you’re kinda just all around chill.”

💙: “Okay then, what bands are you covering, or will the music be, y’know original?”

🌻“They’re kinda obscure.. have you heard of Nirvana?”

💙: “…Yeah.” BOI. MY DUDE. WHO HASN’T HEARD OF NIRVANA?“Well then sure, I don’t have anything else to do. Where’s the spot?”

🌻“Hm… 2033 Miller Avenue, City of Industry… I dunno somewhere in Traum County.”

💙: “Traum County..” I’ve heard of that place before.. oh yeah! I have- well, HAD an uncle there. I think he got shot.. “Ok, I’ll go. What time?”

🌻“About 7 P.M.”

💙: “So the Redstone link should get me there 30 minutes early-“

🌻”Redstone link?? Uhh if I were you I’d just ask someone for a ride.”

💙: “Wait- why?”

🌻“Traum’s metro’s are kinda shady.. but it’s like not that big of a deal, just don’t go near the Sky station.”

💙: “..Okay. I’ll see you there.”

◁◁ ► ▷▷

Huh. That was actually kinda nice, even though I didn’t get his name.. oh well. It’s too awkward to just ask him right now, considering the teacher finally got up from his desk.

✒️: “Now class, I HOPE you all have your outlines for your introductory essay done??”

Uh. About that…

👥: “Yes, Mr. Draco.”

✒️: “Good. Class dismissed. Go to period 2.”

Okay, so I’m alone on this. At my last school, practically nobody would’ve answered him like that, and some “class-clown” would instead cuss him out. But whatever, it’s a good thing people are nice here.

…Right?

════ ⋆💙⋆ ════

[officalroyalsofpierreland]

Old Haunts, New Faces

Rumeur, Brichester, Pierreland

???: This is an interesting wall… Maria Aisha: Yeah… very interesting. ???: It clearly holds your attention since you’re here Maria Aisha: It’s a good spot to observe…there’s too many bodies out there and I am not hydrated enough, let alone drunk enough to join that sweaty sea of humanity

???[joking]: So if I just get you a couple more drinks��� Maria Aisha: yeah no…rule one, don’t accept drinks from strangers. I’m alone, not dumb.

???: Never said you were. The name’s Theo. Theo Hampton. You? Maria Aisha[panics internally]: Minerva. Minerva Sepulveda. Theo: Named after the goddess of wisdom. I imagine the name fits? Maria Aisha: is that your attempt at a pickup line? Theo [joking]: Is it working?

Maria Aisha: No. but you are cute so you can stay. Theo: Well one victory for me in comparison to all the other guys. I noticed you sent them all on their way in quite creative ways. Maria Aisha: Maybe I’m not looking for male company? Maybe I’m into girls? So many presumptions Mr. Hampton.

Theo: I don’t judge. Honestly, I actually came up to you cause my friends were two of the guys you turned down and I thought what you said was hilarious. One of them was the guy who “is so sober he can’t even string a sentence together” and the other you told to try picking up a girl from space, cause he’d probably have more luck. They’ve never been turned down that hard before, we’ve heard Pierreland girls were fiery but damn. Maria Aisha[laughing]: Those two dumbasses are your friends? I think you to exchange them for some new ones! [Theo laughs] You’re not from here? Theo: Nah. I’m sadly from Druzar…so I got that working against me. Maria Aisha: I mean hate to say it but …you look the part…minus the cocky smirk that I usually see right before I throw a drink at them for attempting to look up my skirt. Theo: So that explains why they looked like drowned rats when they came back.

Maria Aisha: One of them looked like such a Kevin after! The way his face contorted while he turned red Theo: Damn. It sounds like them to be honest. It was refreshing to see someone put them in their places.

Theo: I should get out of your hair. Enjoy your- Maria Aisha: You can stay! Seriously…besides [joking] you’ll stop all the rest of the assholes trying to pick me up.

Theo[joking]: Wow. I’m honored to have the invitation Your Highness. What have I done to earn it? Maria Aisha: Not be an asshole? It’s the first time…in a long time…I’ve been in a club and felt safe with a guy.

Theo: Wow…I’m glad I could provide that feeling...honestly, us guys are the worst. You should stay away from us til at least 25 when we somewhat catch-up maturity wise. Maria Aisha: You speaking from experience? Theo: I’d like to consider myself a reformed player. Maria Aisha [sarcastically]: From Druzar? Really? Hold on, let me go outside and see if pigs are flying. Theo: Hey! We’re rare but we exist! Maria Aisha [a teasing tone]: Prove it.

Theo: Let’s see, I left the dark corner that is my table to come talk to you. I have paid you a genuine compliment and, if you tell me to go fuck myself, I’ll just go sit back in that corner and laugh at my friends instead of trying to hit on some poor girl who’d be in second place. Maria Aisha: Really? How come? Theo: Something about you…has me hooked…I can’t explain it…I can’t put it into words but…it’s something Maria Aisha [eyebrow raised]: You sure it’s not just your dick talking? Theo [chuckling]: I’m pretty sure, though it’s starting to get difficult to ignore what it’s saying Maria Aisha: Not doing much for the reformed playboy story you’re selling, are ya? Theo: Well…either I’m doing really well, or you’re just waiting for a good moment to throw that drink. Maria Aisha [teasing]: Lucky for you it’s empty. You know…I think the sea of humanity thinned out, and….dancing is sounding good right now

Theo [mumbling]: Watcher Damn…

Let's get out of here...

@trentonsimblr

[franberry3139]

Heritage Hoarders Legacy

I’ve always wanted to create a legacy challenge. A few years ago, @lilsimsie and @alwaysimming inspired me with their Not So Berry challenge, and I've been eager to craft my own ever since. Today, I'm excited to present the Heritage Hoarders Legacy, a random idea that came to me while cleaning a sink at work.

Do you like to collect? Do you like the idea creating a big build over many generations? Do you want to eventually loose all your hair because you feel like you cant find everything you need? Wow, do I have the challenge for you!

Welcome to the Heritage Hoarders Legacy Challenge, a many generation legacy with a focus on collecting.

Side Note: This is NOT mandatory, but it would be funny and is recommended to theme each generation according to their collection. For the frog generation, why not have green hair, maybe green skin, or even a frog costume?

Basic Rules:

Money cheats can be used, but not excessively. Suggestion: use freerealestate for your first home, but no cheats afterward.

You may live wherever you please unless something is specified in the rules of a generation.

Every generation is supposed to complete both the specified collection.

Some collections my be more difficult then others so you may want to flip from diffrent lifespans. I’ve always wanted to create a legacy challenge. A few years ago, lilsimsie and Alwaysimming inspired me with their Not So Berry challenge, and I've been eager to make my own ever since. Today, I'm excited to present the Heritage Hoarders Legacy, a random idea that came to me while cleaning a sink at work.

Generation One: Frogs You love frogs—no, no, you ARE a frog (at least that's what your delusions make you believe). You crave being around frogs and want to populate the world with them, dreaming of a frog-run world! But be careful—you might go a bit overboard and end up breeding too many frogs.

Traits: Loves Outdoors, Erratic, Cheerful Aspiration: The Curator Career: Frog Breeder (Register with Ministry of Labor)

Rules: ⦁ Complete 'The Curator' Aspiration ⦁ Sell Frogs for a Living Use a selling table, retail store, or your inventory to sell frogs. ⦁ Complete the Frog Collection (0/25) ⦁ Build a Frog Museum: Create an area where you display one of every frog.

Generation Two: MySims Trophies You've always loved history, so when you discovered trophies depicting famous historical figures, you knew you had to collect them. You always swore your obsession would never be as extreme as your parent's, who actually believed they were a frog. But before you knew it, you were building a new room onto the 'museum' right net to theirs just for your trophies.

Traits: Ambitious, Bookworm, Slob Aspiration: Renaissance Sim Career: Writer

Rules: ⦁ Complete 'Renaissance Sim' Aspiration ⦁ Write history books a Living ⦁ Complete the MySims Trophies Collection (0/20) ⦁ Add onto the Museum: Create an area where you display one of every MySims trophy.

Generation Three: Postcards Ever since you were an infant, you loved making friends. It's no wonder that people you've met across the globe send you gifts and postcards. You've always been loved and had a pristine reputation worldwide, so it’s no surprise that you eventually found love easily.

Traits: Good, Loyal, Practice Makes Perfect Aspiration: Friend of the World Career: Business

Rules: ⦁ Complete 'Friend of the World' Aspiration ⦁ Have had at least 7 sims consider you a 'friend' ⦁ Complete the Postcards Collection (0/14) ⦁ Marry a sim you had been friends with sice you were and infant. ⦁ Add onto the Museum: Create an area where you display one of every postcard.

Generation Four: Holiday Cracker Plushies You've always LOVED the holidays and almost always had your home decorated accordingly. Some people loved it, while others felt sick just looking at it. It's no wonder you wanted to collect all those small little plushies.

Traits: Cheerful, Childish, Loner Aspiration: Musical Genius Career: Entertainer

Rules: ⦁ Complete 2 of any musical skills ⦁ Make a living from creating holiday music ⦁ Complete the Holiday Cracker Plushies Collection (0/8) ⦁ Have a holidays themed home. ⦁ Add onto the Museum: Create an area where you display one of every Holiday Cracker Plushie.

Generation Five: Fish Fish, fish, fish—everything is about fish. Dating profile? Fish. Home décor? Fish. You are? Fish. Traits: Cheerful, Childish, Loner Aspiration: Musical Genius Career: Entertainer

Rules: ⦁ Complete the fishing skill. ⦁ Make a fisherperson. ⦁ Complete the fish Collection (0/22) ⦁ Have a home filled with fish décor. ⦁ Add onto the Museum: Create an area where you display one of every fish.

Here are my links:

Check out my family tree

Check out my YouTube

Check out my Twitch

Check out my Twitter/X

My Discord Tag is @destiny_games

[summerpogue]

ok so I have about half the final episode left and I had to stop bc my AirPods died and also it was 5am and after an emotionally taxing day (election related) a bitch needed some rest

however…………. holy fuck ????????????? (obx4 pt 2 spoilers below - seriously, like…. the whole season spoiled below, do not read if you haven’t watched)

jj crashing out and inciting a pogue uprising was beautiful. I know some people will say what they will about jj always being reckless but enough was enough. the pogues collectively bit back and I loved to see it. (also, I cried a little bc it was cathartic as shit to watch given recent events, we love to see the lower class, constantly getting fucked over and over and over again by kook ass bullshit finally saying fuck you, I’ll give you something to whine about).

and I will say, it was tough to watch jj withdraw and drink about his feelings but all his feelings were valid. lashing out at john b and saying what he did wasn’t cool, however both of his father figures are grade-a pieces of shit and he literally had almost just gotten murdered by one of them so he gets a pass. like nick miller’s ‘dead dad pass’, jj gets a ‘two deadbeat, abusive, backstabbing, money-hungry dads’ pass as far as I’m concerned.

I knew sarah’s pregnancy arc was coming, they weren’t subtle at all in part one and as soon as she started acting weird I was like ‘wow okay we’re really doing this????’ I don’t think it’s necessary. she is nineteen years old, their lives are never ending chaos, whether or not it’s been properly explored her and john b are deeply traumatized and have parental shit they need to work out, she is nineteen years old. several times I said ‘and we’re not gonna have a conversation about options??? we’re just full sending it??????’ not saying that she has to do anything particular, but with how firm she was not even that many episodes ago when john b brought up kids this feels like a disservice to her character (and in light of recent events, I feel extra angry about a storyline boxing a woman into becoming a mother when they’ve clearly expressed they’re not ready, and when they haven’t even started to achieve the things they want out of life).

chandler groff can get fucked. (I left off on jj considering letting him out of the well and I know he’s gonna do it but I really wish he’d let him rot). I think he’s worse than ward ever was, because for as greedy, self-serving and maniacal as ward was, he would never have stolen the map and looking device and thrown her injured into the ocean to die. I really really don’t think he would. he loved his kids even if he did it wrong, chandler doesn’t love anyone but himself.

jj deserves so much better, he deserves so much more. he got not one but two fathers who would hang him out to dry to make a quick buck. that shit luke pulled at the town hall had me about to reach jj levels of crash out. I hope this second will that was mentioned says that jj gets goat island. let them turn goat island into poguelandia, or let jj sell it and tap into the wealth that is his birthright (even tho he’ll do something dumb with it). I also hope he’s able to learn more about his mother, I think it would help anchor him to truly know who she was, and to know that he came from someone good because right now he thinks he only comes from bad and that breaks my heart.

I’ve liked seeing rafe soft and trying (why did I feel bad for him when they tied him up lmao I really felt like he was being genuine about coexisting until they got to morocco) and I yelled at him when he dumped sofia like girl???? you killed the sheriff??? you tried to kill your sister??? she took a little money from someone who was paying you, they are not the same and your karmic debt is so massive you shouldn’t even have a girl like sofia so like, shut up and be grateful. let it go.

I’m scared for pope, he’s in seeeeerious shit. it was a badass move but also so, so reckless and I hope they bring groff back and shoupe does something to make it go away. shoupe pulled through on the beach and he needs to keep pulling through

those are all my thoughts — if you reply or chime in pleeeeeeeeeeeeease remember, I am not finished, do not talk to me about anything beyond jj seeing groff in the well, I don’t even know if he’s out of the well or not

[thevulturesquadron]

Hi! I just want to say that WOW you are an amazing artist. Your anatomy and colouring are just breathtaking. How long have you been drawing?

I am a thirty year old baby at art and trying to improve and push through being bad at art, but i'll be honest, it's frustrating having hands that just cant make what i am seeing in my head! Basically... how long do you think it took you to make art that is kind of good? And do you have any tips?

What??!! Thank you so much!!!!! 💜💜💜

I have no words, really. I always feel like I am such a fake when it comes to art because I draw once every 5 years under the impulse of a hyperfixation or another, and I feel like I never take the time to improve. You are too sweet, I don’t deserve it!

I’ve been doodling here and there since I was in highschool, but only seriously picked it up in my 20s. And trust me when I say ‘here and there’. I used to try my hand for a couple of months and then it would take years to go back into the mindset of wanting to do more and better. It’s been like this ever since. I just do things when I have too much love for something and I need to let it out somehow. But in all honesty I feel like I started to be confident with myself and my range only when I hit my 30s so what I am saying is - it’s never too late, as long as you return to it no matter how rusty you feel. But that feeling of never being good enough compared to what you envision - be it art or writing - that’s never going to go away, you just need to conquer it and accept that every piece you make is another step towards getting better. And I know it sounds like a cliché but try not to put any pressure on yourself because of that either -  even if you end up drawing once in a blue moon like me, it counts. It really does! And sometimes you get a bit proud of what you do, sometimes you’ll feel like you learnt nothing. Knowing and understanding that - that it’s not just a way up, that it has highs and lows - has been the one thought that has always kept me going. Gosh, when it comes to tips I feel like there are so many other artists here that are better equipped to help than I am, but I’m happy to share a couple of ‘quick/dirty first stops' that have saved me from giving up:

References!!! Don’t EVER be afraid of using references especially when learning anatomy. Look for poses that inspire you, gather angles for hands, feet, eyes. You are not cheating, you are learning. If you are like me also, and drawing/sketching is a hobby and not a career, using references for poses comes with no strings attached. I can’t stress enough how important it is to use references. 

Colours: I. suck. at. picking. colours. Trust me. Most of the things I draw I leave as sketches because my brain can’t comprehend colour theory so when I do end up adding colours it feels like a miracle each time it looks ok. So I use palettes. There are sites online but also most tools for digital art offer ways to create colour pallets. Sample & drop is your friend! 

Also depending on what tools you are using, don’t shy away from playing with colour balance, brightness, curves or from experimenting with colour overlay layers to unify the look. 

In general, based on what program you use to draw - look for simple tutorials to get familiarised with it. I use Procreate and to this day I am amazed about how many ‘cheats & tricks’ it has. 

Probably a beginner move but one thing I rely on is Pinterest - I create boards for poses, references, colour pallets. So that when I get an impulse to draw and I am not sure where to start or what colours to use I have a library of things I saved in time! 

Hope this helps! Again, I don’t consider myself a real artist, I don’t sell any of my work and I just post what I create here out of love for a fandom or another. BUT I am always happy to share the little I know or learned along the way so don’t hesitate to ask! <3 

[woundedheartwithin]

All right, folks, my ko-fi shop is set up and ready to go!  I’m still uploading products, so if you don’t see your favorite double exposure, be sure to check back later!

You can also tip me if you like my writing, my virtual photography, or just wanna help me out in general!  I’m thinking about opening commissions on my double exposures and virtual photography only, but we’ll see how the shop does first.  If that’s something you’d like to see in the future, please don’t hesitate to drop me a message.  In the meantime, if there’s any particular game you’d like to see, or any specific images from my virtual photography tag you’d be interested in purchasing a print of, feel free to let me know!

I’ll post a breakdown of why I price the way that I do under the cut, if that’s something you’re interested in seeing.  I know a lot of folks want to see exactly what they’re paying for!

So why $20?  I price all of my prints this way so that shipping is always free!  I use WHCC to fulfill all of my print orders because they can do a much better job of printing and packaging a perfect product for you than I ever could.  This ensures that the process is as efficient and cost effective as possible, and you get a beautiful, professional quality print delivered straight to your door in packaging that will keep it safe and protected.  This also ensures the lowest possible cost of shipping internationally.  They’re also just wonderful folks in general, and their customer service is second to none, not to mention the print quality is absolutely stunning, so I trust them completely with handling your orders!  Of course, if there is an issue, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, and I will take care of it for you.

Drop shipping through WHCC has a flat rate of $7.95 in the U.S., and $7.95 international shipping plus additional possible fees depending on the country, though none of the countries I entered into the USPS shipping calculator had any additional fees.  USPS international shipping is actually very reasonable, and because you will be getting a flat envelope, standard postage rates typically apply.  I’ve also been using USPS international shipping for years with my goat halter business, and have never seen any exorbitant rates come through on any of my orders.  

Additionally, the cost of printing your 8x10 luster print (semi-gloss) is $2.75, bringing the total overhead cost to $10.70.  Given that most of my double exposures take a minimum of three hours to complete, not including time spent in game capturing the images used in each edit, that brings my hourly compensation to $3.10, give or take, for a total profit of $9.30.  I don’t include time spent in game because, well, I’m playing a video game!  I enter photomode as the spirit moves me, often with no real idea in mind for a potential double exposure.  Usually I just stop and say something like, “Oh wow, that’s neat,” and then spend half an hour taking pictures.  It’s fun for me, and I enjoy it immensely, and that’s payment enough for that part of the process.

By and large, I consider each of my double exposures a labor of love, and I do them because I enjoy them and I want them to exist.  But, to be perfectly frank, I could use the extra income for my medical bills, so I decided maybe a print shop wouldn’t be such a bad idea, since so many folks were interested in them on Twitter.  Admittedly, I haven’t had much luck with selling my prints with my other shop, so even though I will be making less in terms of profit with ko-fi, it does seem to be a more user friendly option.  The other shop is still open if you’d prefer to purchase from there, though the shipping is not free (which I think might be some folks’ issue with it).  

Either way, thanks so much for reading and for supporting me!

[cdevroe]

Diversions #5: Kayaking Psychonauts

Kayaking in July 2024

Few experiences have the serenity of kayaking on a lake. Especially in the evening at sunset. If you haven’t kayaked, I highly recommend it.

For years I kayaked very regularly. These days, I hardly ever do. But it is something Eliza and I want to return to. I’m hoping that writing it down will force me to get back at it. And fishing. I miss fishing.

Lately I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to so many people mention that they love the open web and seeing so many people return to their personal websites or using more open platforms. Me too! The amount of beautiful, fun, unique, niche, and did I say fun? websites I’m seeing these days is off-the-charts.

I’ve written this before; I don’t think the open or independent web ever went away. Yes, some people slowed down or stopped blogging in favor of siloed social networks. And billions of other people, who had never blogged, jumped onto those same silos. So it seemed as though blogging shrank. But I would argue it never really did. It has grown and continues to grow. And what we’re seeing now is the return of the web professional to their home gardens. And for that I’m very happy.

As I mentioned on Mastodon, Eliza bought me a Barbour jacket for our 25th anniversary. I’ve wanted one for longer than I can remember. I always have a hard time spending money on clothing for myself and an even harder time on what I consider fairly expensive clothing. I love it!

Progress on the prep for the addition to our home is happening much more rapidly now. I have no misconceptions about how this process is going to be very hard and disruptive – I know it will be. When it is moving too slow you wish it would go quicker and when it is moving quickly you wish it would slow down. I suppose that is all of life.

I’m nearly 44 years old. I wear Crocs and a fanny pack. And I don’t care who knows it.

OK. Now, for some links.

Sentinel – Impressive embroidery from Marine Beaufils (on Mastodon).

Music for Programming – A very fun website. The creator’s profile is on X and I refuse to link to it since you cannot see it without signing in.

Drone flies up Mount Everest – DJI video of the route all the way up Everest. I’m exhausted just watching it.

Kind of Bloop Vinyl – Andy is selling vinyl copies of Kind of Bloop on the 15th anniversary of his masterpiece.

PsychOdyssey – I’ve been making my way through Double Fine’s documentary of making Psychonauts 2. I realize the documentary is edited for time but wow these people have a lot of meetings where only one person speaks or seems to have their opinion heard. I don’t think I could ever work at Double Fine.

That’s it for now!

[missing-wires]

I’m still really confused about something…

Oh yeah?

Why did she start this shit against you? I mean like the origins of it all…

Well, I’ve sort of already covered that, you know, the false promises and the monkey incident…

I guess what I’m trying to understand is… were you really just some pet to her from the beginning or did she actually care about you at some point?

Haha, what do you think? Let’s consider two scenarios:

1. She actually cared and considered me a genuine friend until I pulled some shit, then developed this unshakable resentment towards me.

2. She was long conning me from the get go, and fleeced me out of a whopping $156.66 over the better part of a year.

If you believe #1, then you must also accept that she’s a cold, calculating bitch who will never accept a genuine apology. If you believe #2, well then you must also consider the time she’s spent thinking and talking about me behind my back and consider the dollar to minute ratio on her ROI. What’s a more embarrassing scenario?

Why do you think she’s selling this revisionist history to her fake friends?

Because she thinks it gives her the upper hand. Because she’s a raging narcissist who views everything through a power dynamic lens.

Oh, wow, but even in spite of all these things, you felt some type of pull to her? Why is that?

I have no idea, lol. Some things cannot be explained, no matter how hard we try to articulate them

[marcelloandtyler]

noahsandersonlevicarter​:

NOAH: I’m not sure what would happen. Probably there would be a lot of kids eating good food? :) NOAH: You career hop? Oh. Because you’re interested in so many things? NOAH: No. I don’t model at all. Not even once. NOAH: You did? Why did you think that? No. I don’t know, I’ve never considered it. NOAH: Glad I could make you laugh. NOAH: Later. :)

( AN HOUR LATER ) TYLER: Kids are off in bed and I get free reign of the entertainment room! I just put on some music and I’m going to lay down and vibe :) TYLER: Anyway, haha yeah, lots of good food! But also like I would have no more point to be finding schools to introduce the food! Maybe we would tackle the private school sector then, but usually those kids have the money for healthy food already... Still, I would prefer presenting vegan foods more to every school to help the planet :) TYLER: Wow, that’s crazy. I honestly thought you modeled. You should... You could definitely be good at it... TYLER: Just the photos you’ve posted! You’ve always been attractive, man, and you just seem to photograph so well! I bet you’d really sell some clothes and stuff haha

noahsandersonlevicarter​:

NOAH: So they do preschool outdoors? That’s interesting. I’ve never heard of something like that before. Sounds like she had fun though if she’s dirty. NOAH: Oh. Ohhh. Got it. Well, thank you. That’s very kind of you. NOAH: I guess if there are still more schools that need to get on board, that you’ll be going back there again in the future, huh? NOAH: Yeah, it’s a foot in the door somewhere. I don’t know if it’s the kind of photography I want to be doing, but it pays. NOAH: No? I’m only a photographer. I don’t model. NOAH: Ironically, I was taking photos of models. They needed some shots done for their pages. NOAH: Thanks. Best of luck. Try and stay out of the splash zone as much as you can.

TYLER: Yeah! Super cool :) TYLER: You are welcome, my man. TYLER: We’ll see! There’s always places to send me. I always wonder what would happen if we got every school district on board LOL but I don’t know, I tend to career hop so... TYLER: You don’t model? OMG! TYLER: Why not?! I always thought you did! TYLER: HAHAHHAHAHAH THE SPLASH ZONE OMG TYLER: LOL You’re hystiercally! akshf safsahfuas hahahah TYLER: Talk later :)

[flying-nightwing]

Lettuce Leave

Hi. So this is semi crack. Actually it's more of a giant incorrect quote from a movie that I absolutely adore, and for me it's positively hilarious so here I go, applying one of the funniest thing in cinematographic history to the batfam. I basically own no intellectual property to this, not even the title lmao.

A/N: It's from the same universe as Lesson learned. Same batsis (Nightshade)

Enjoy!

Characters: Tim Drake, batsis!reader (Nightshade)

Word count: 2387

Warnings: Unvoluntary intake of (soft) drugs, casual talk of (soft) drugs, lots of swearing, Bruce losing it but it's funny.

Summary: You and Tim give Bruce an aneurysm and a hilarious story to recount, according to Selina (He doesn't think it's as funny, though)

“Well cover me in jam and tie me to an anthill. Red Robin, come check this out”

Tim jogged down the stairs, pausing at the top of the second to last step. It took him a moment to realize what he was looking at, but when it clicked, he let out a low whistle.

“Wow, that’s a lot of weed”

Batman had sent you and Tim recon an old house on the outskirts of Gotham, one that had been flagged for being a potential hideout for Two Faces’ cronies. According to Bruce’s intel from Gordon, there had been suspicious in and outs during the middle of the night and barely any activity during the day. The windows had been recently boarded up and one passer by even noticed a black van being backed up in an old shed. He had specifically instructed you to monitor from outside and to report back to him before sunrise, but with you being you and Tim being Tim, it hadn’t taken much convincing on either part to sneak in the house and personally advance the case for Gordon.

All the conditions were there for an in depth visit from you, and clearly, it had been warranted.

You had made a beeline for the basement, because you knew if any illicit activity was happening there, it would have been hidden underground. However, the carefully set greenhouse and multiple rows of cannabis plants had been a surprise.

“This must be worth thousands in resale value” You mumbled to yourself, then frowned. “I didn’t know Two Faces was into selling grass. That’s a bit beneath him, don’t you think?”

“No, no I think you’re right” He nodded along, but his eyebrows were scrunched. “Take notes on this set up, I’ll check upstairs if I can find anything. Leave your comm open”

You turned on the device in your ear and carefully advanced into the plantation, snapping shots with your mask. You could faintly hear Tim run upstairs as you delicately threaded around the green leaves and hot lamps providing artificial lightning for the plants. Quite obviously, a lot of time, money and attention had been put into the care of the plantation, so there must have been a steady rotation of personnel to tend to the garden, which meant plant experts must have been contracted at one point or another to achieve such healthy crops.

The name Poison Ivy immediately jumped to your mind.

But weed? It seemed a bit basic for her usual theatrics. Still, you couldn’t rule her out, as she was your primary culprit as of now.

“I’m thinkin’ Ivy” You hummed. “Those plants are too pretty to be from some rando”

“Yeah well, hold that thought” Tim’s voice sounded grim and pinched in your ear, even despite the screeching from the bad connection. “I just found three guys that say otherwise”

Your feet paused, anchoring themselves onto the ground. “Wait, there are still people inside? Do you need back up?”

“We could say that, but considering they’ve been dead for at least a couple of hours now, I don’t think they’ll attack me anytime soon” He replied. “But I’ve never seen this type of kill before. It’s not Ivy, it’s not Two Faces, I don’t even think it’s the Joker. Hold on, I’m sending you a visual”

You opened the device strapped on your arm and checked the picture Tim had sent you. The three guys were all tied together in a circle, their throat slit and wrists bound with a very specific knot. But what stood out the most was the gold plastic crown on each of their heads that seemed like they had been dug into the skin of their skulls.

“Oh jeez-a-doodle” You grimaced. “What did these poor sons of bitches do to end up like edgy burger king?”

“I swear if we end up in an actual fast food war I’m quitting”

“Red Robin–”

“Don’t you dare–”

“YUM”

You laughed, turning around to resume your course. It abruptly stopped however when you heard the faintest click. You froze, trying to locate its source until you found a little green light beeping frantically. Your eyes widened.

“Red Robin”

“Not as funny the second time, Nightshade”

“No, Red Robin!” You yelled, then ducked in instinct. The beeping stopped, plunging the basement in a short lived ominous silence. “Get out of here NOW”

As if on cue, a loud explosion went off above you, sending a blast that would have cooked you well done if you hadn’t been crouching. Still, you could feel the intense heat scorching the air above you as it set the plants on fire.

“Shade, are you okay?” Tim yelled in your ear. “What the hell was that?”

“Something not good” You grunted as the smoke began filling the basement. You tried to stand up, but decided against it when you realized the last breathable air was hugging the ground. You began crawling towards the exit, cursing yourself for not having taken more seriously bruce’s stupid bootcamps. “Get outta here, I’m right behind you”

“I need to get those bodies out”

“Are you crazy?” You shrieked, then coughed loudly. “They’re dead. Leave ‘em be!”

“Oh and you think we won’t be when this place burns down with all the evidence inside?” He shouted back. “If we don’t salvage anything we won’t be any better than those motherfuckers. B will have our heads”

You swore under your breath and coughed again. “I hate that you’re right. Fine, I’m coming up to help you, hold on”

The stairs seemed way farther than they were from the ground, and the temperature was steadily rising in the room. You tried to cover your nose with your arm the best you could and picked up the pace, soom reaching the elevation in the concrete under you. You rose back to your feet and hurried up the stairs, shutting the wooden door behind you and locking it. It wouldn’t make much of a difference in the end, but maybe it would buy you a few minutes.

You joined Tim on the second floor, noticing how smoke had already begun filling the house. You then rushed to the three corpses, trying to undo the intricate knot on your brother’s other side, but it just wouldn’t come loose. Now you had to deal with a god damn boy scout as if this situation wasn’t already absurd enough.

You heard an explosion and felt the structure underneath you weaken with a groan.

With a quick glance to the mess in front of you and your combined lack of progress, you stood up and studied the bodies closely, then took a quick look around you for anything else that stood out. “Alright, enough, let’s go”

“No, I’m almost done, I can–”

“Tim” You called his name, and he looked up in surprise. You didn’t miss his wobbling as he straightened up. “Enough”

He coughed, then nodded. You grabbed his wrist and made your way to the staircase, where flames had already begun licking the walls. You tried to take a deep breath as much as you could and protected your face, then barged through the flames with Tim hot on your heels. Another explosion sent you forward as you crossed the front door’s threshold, making you stumble in your already less than gracious exit.

You ended up panting outside beside Tim, hunched over with your hands on your knees, taking in as much fresh air in your lungs as you could. You were both covered in soot and your suits were showing some surface burns, but you were fine otherwise. You looked at each other, then back at the burning house, where a third and rather large explosion blew up the windows.

Your glances slowly met again, then as if on cue, you began laughing.

An uncontrollable and seemingly unstoppable giggle overtook the both of you, and the more you looked at each other laughing, the more it made you laugh. Everything seemed so ridiculous at that moment, and all you could think about was how all of that weed downstairs was now in your lungs.

“Tim, Tim” You tried to say through your giggles. “I think we’re high”

He wheezed, barely any sound coming out of his mouth. He pulled down his mask and wiped the tears from his eyes, then coughed so hard he stumbled. That was enough to send you in hysterics again, leaning on each other for support. You spent at least five minutes trying to calm down, and by the time you could breathe again, the sun was already coming up on the horizon.

“B’s gonna kill us” His shoulders were still shaking. His speech, as well as yours you noted, had been considerably slowed down. “Oooooooh my cheeks hurt”

“Do you–” Why was this the funniest situation you had been in? “Do you think he’d believe us if we said we just smoked a fat one?”

He held eye contact for a few seconds, dead serious. “Not a chance”

That was all it took to set you off again.

—

Your return home was still hazy in your mind, but all you knew was that you and Tim were still laughing, but it was now quieted down to a little giggle that lingered behind. You were now faced with a very displeased Bruce, whose glare was stronger than any brute force he was capable of. Yet, it was still hilarious to you, and to Tim apparently as well considering his shaking shoulders. You were biting your lower lip to control the urge to laugh out loud and piss Bruce even more, even though you really wanted to. His anger was the funniest thing to you at the moment.

“What the hell were you thinking”

There we go.

“I thought I had been crystal clear when I told you it was recon only” His voice raised a notch, anger slipping even more into it when you and Tim exchanged a look, trying not to escalate your giggles. “Not only did you go against my direct order to stay out of the house, but you burned it down to a crisp. All that remains of all the evidence now can be fit into a fucking ziplock. Do you find this even remotely normal?”

“We did send you pictures of inside the house–”

“Pictures aren’t enough, Timothy!” He yelled, pushing off the computer desk. “Countless hours of case building are now gone in ashes, literally. We’ll have to pick up what’s left of it with a spoon. We are taken is disadvantage against Two Faces now–”

“Not Two Faces, pretty sure of it–”

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME”

You stifled a laugh while Tim covered his with a cough. Bruce seemed about to start again, but you slowly raised your hand. His thunderous glare then set on you, as if daring you to say something out of line.

“Actually B, it’s my fault” You began, sending a quick glance to your brother. “I thought… I saw someone inside in distress”

Tim nodded while Bruce took a deep breath, rming himself with patience.

“You thought you saw someone,” Bruce repeated. “You thought or were you sure?”

“There was someone” You nodded along Tim, who kept his nodding motion. “But not the one I thought… He was in distress… But not today”

A look of utter confusion set on top of Bruce’s deep frown. “Then when was he in distress?”

You shrugged slowly.

That was enough to make him lose the little bit of cool he had accumulated in those last minutes. “I am very disappointed in both of you right now. How did you even let this happen?”

You could have heard a pin drop in the cave. Tim didn’t want to try an answer, so you volunteered yourself. “With regards to the situation, I think there are some… Some… Things. That we need to, um… What was the question again?”

“Fucking hell” He muttered to himself, then returned his eyes on you. “You are lucky I found you before the police showed up. What do you think would have happened if they, or worse, the press had found Nightshade and Red Robin high out of their minds beside a burning crime scene?”

“Depends on whether they brought food” Tim replied.

You tried to push back your grin. “Red Robin”

“YUM!”

“No!”

Your laughter picked up ten folds at how Tim and Bruce had answered at the same time, giggling until you couldn’t breathe while B looked down at the both of you with something akin to discouragement.

His shoulders rose and tightened, and his voice suddenly seemed lower and more menacing. That was enough to slow down your fit of giggles. For now. “Both of you. Go to sleep now and don’t come down here until you’re fully sober. Once you can think clearly again, you will give me a full report of what happened and you will face consequences for your actions. Do I make myself clear?”

Tim slowly leaned closer to you, trying to be as subtle as he could. “That’s not good, right?”

You shook your head.

“GO!”

Tim raised his hands in surrender and backed away, then tripped on his own feet and fell on his butt. You stared at him, then blinked slowly.

Bruce let out a long sigh. “Would you help him up?”

You flattened your lips and lifted a finger, then nodded and held out your hand to Tim. You then made your way out of the cave, and up to your bedroom where you crashed like a rock.

Three feet beside your bed.

—

That afternoon, you happened to walk down the stairs and wander into the kitchen, where Tim was already drinking orange juice and eating a plain bagel. You came in and grabbed a banana, then took a seat beside him at the counter. You didn’t talk yet, you just ate in miserable, hangover silence.

“We’re really in trouble this time uh?”

You nodded, empty staring straight in front of you. “Yup”

“You think he’s still down there waiting for us?”

Your eyes trailed off to him, meeting his tired, reddened glance that was already on you.

“Oh yeah”

“... Should we just rip off the bandaid and go?”

“Let’s face our death like heroes”

“Alright”

“Alright”

-------------

Excerpt of the movie in question (in French canadian/english)

[dreamwritesimagines]

Burn The Witch 15 - Liar Liar [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns, knives.

Summary: Dishonesty requires practice.

Series Masterlist

Every spy knew things could go downhill on a mission. Considering how your last mission had ended with your ex, you weren’t exactly unfamiliar with the idea of your cover being blown but—

None of the targets were as dangerous as this one.

For a moment, you thought about pushing that button on your wristwatch and calling your whole team here because there was no way you could take down the legendary Winter Soldier in a fight, but through the haze of panic, a voice in your head told you not to.

It was just a mission.

As long as you kept your calm, you could fix this.

“Bucky,” you heard yourself say, “I can explain.”

He stared at you and the gun in his hand, then raised his brows.

“Okay,” he said, “Yeah, please explain why you have a gun.”

God damn it.

Okay, you had to think. Your cover was the naïve sweet civilian girl so any sentence you formed had to fit the description. The spy in you was already trying to come up with something, you had been taught to lie without even blinking but somehow it felt almost—

Wrong.

You tried to pull yourself together, shaking your head.

“I—it’s—“ you took a deep breath, “Yeah I have a gun.”

“I can see that,” he said drily, “Why?”

Good question.

Why would the small town sweetheart have a gun?

The cover story didn’t have anything like that, so you had to come up with a believable lie based on—

Oh. Bingo.

“I was going to tell you,” you said. “I’ve actually—I’ve had it for weeks.”

“For weeks?” he repeated, “Why?”

You ran a hand over your eyes, then crossed your arms and shrugged.

“I’m going to need more than that, Y/N.”

You gritted your teeth and raised your glances to look up at him. “After I got mugged,” you started, “I told one of my friends back home about what happened and she’s—she came up with this idea that I should maybe buy a gun because I—I don’t know. I don’t know why I bought it, I just bought it.”

“You bought a gun because your friend told you to?”

You tilted your head, “No Bucky, I bought a gun because I got mugged and got shot within the first month of moving here.”

His gaze on you was fixed, as if he was trying to see whether you were lying or not but now that panic wasn’t taking over you, you could think straight.

Bucky was a legend among the espionage world and he was unstoppable and you probably didn’t stand a chance against him yes, but you had one advantage.

Bucky was a soldier, not a spy.

Spies were different. Bucky had the physical training to go after a target, but he never, ever had to manipulate them emotionally. You were one step ahead on that and if there was anything that could get you out of this mess, that was it.

“Listen I know that you’re concerned, but you have nothing to worry about,” you waved a dismissive hand, “The guy at the shop was very helpful, he even gave me his number—”

His head shot up, “What?”

“Yeah in case I needed anything with the gun. Or if I had any questions.”

A shadow crossed his eyes and he scoffed, shaking his head.

“Did he now?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “And besides, I watched a bunch of tutorials so I think I got it. I’m a very quick learner.”  

“Tutorials?”

“Yeah, videos.”

He blinked a couple of times, and looked down at the gun before looking up at you.

“You watched videos.”

“Mm hm. One of the guys even had a deer head mounted on the wall behind him, it’s very clear he knows what he’s talking about.”

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered to himself and you had to remind yourself not to smile.

“And I know how to take the safety off,” you added, “After that point it’s basically point and pull the trigger, that’s what the video said.”

“I don’t even know where to begin— sweetheart,” he turned to you, “Forget what the video said, I can teach you if you want, but for what it’s worth, I think it’s a terrible idea.”

Hook, line and sinker.

“I hate guns,” you insisted, “It’s just that—Stacey said it’s a big city and after I got shot… I don’t know. I know I should’ve told you, I just didn’t want you to think I’m some kind of a paranoid person.”

He heaved a sigh and reached out to tug you by the hand so that he could pull you closer.

“I don’t think you’re paranoid,” he said. “I just think that you could hurt yourself or someone if you don’t have any training.”

“The guy made it sound pretty easy.”

“Yeah, I don’t think selling it was the only thing he wanted.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Now who’s being paranoid?”

“I’m just being observant.”

“Jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” he said and you scrunched up your nose

“Right,” you said, “Of course you’re not.”

“So is there anything I should know about?” he changed the subject, “Anything at all? I won’t judge, I swear.”

You pressed your lips together as you looked up at him. What could you say to that?

I’ve been manipulating you all along.

I’m working for the same government that is looking for you to slip and make a mistake.

When this is over, I’m probably going to hate myself much more than you hate me.

Yeah. There was absolutely nothing you could say.

“Nothing I can think of right now,” you shrugged your shoulders, “So, can we go now?”

                                    ***

You could barely remember the last time you had been to a funfair. It didn’t even matter that you already knew where you were going, you were still quite excited despite the earlier panic you had gone through. Thankfully, Bucky seemed to have bought into your story but it didn’t mean you weren’t taking mental notes about what to do by the time the date was over.

Or when you were out of his sight, whichever.

“Thank you!” you said what it felt for the hundredth time as you put a piece of cotton candy into your mouth, enjoying the sweet taste melting in your mouth and Bucky smiled at you fondly.

“No problem darling.”

“No seriously, I haven’t been to a funfair in…I don’t know, forever!” you said, “Wait, so it was a thing back then?”

“Hm?”

“Bringing your date to a funfair?”

He nodded, walking beside you, “Yeah. There wasn’t much to do and you know, lots of people.”

“So no gossip?”

“Lots of gossip,” he corrected you, “But at least—“

“No one’s virtue got damaged.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope,” you grinned at him and gasped when something caught your eye, making him turn his head.

“What?”

“Oh my God!” you pointed at the huge neon sign and he followed your gaze, then scoffed a laughter.

“Seriously?”

“I want to try it.”

“Shoot The Ducks.” He read out loud, “You know what, let’s see how good you are if you watched that many videos.”

“I’m going to get that teddy bear,” you pointed at the biggest teddy bear sitting on the top shelf while he looked like he was fighting a laugh.

“Are you sure you can carry that?”

“You’re going to carry it for me,” you said as you handed him the cotton candy, your nose in the air and tugged him by the wrist to lead him to the shooting range. You took a look at the paper ducks with bullseye on them, then turned to the man behind the counter.

“Excuse me, how many of those should I shoot to get that?” you asked, motioning at the teddy bear and the man looked up.

“3 sets, all bullseye.”

“Okay,” you said and reached for your purse but Bucky had already paid the man by the time you could get your wallet out. He gave you the toy rifle and you had to remind yourself you were supposed to be terrible at it no matter how much you wanted that goddamn plushie.

The good thing about being an expert sniper was that you knew exactly how to miss and look like an amateur. So you pointed the rifle slightly to the right and took your shot, and as expected you missed.

“No!” you whined and Bucky stifled a chuckle, but adapted a look of seriousness as soon as you turned around to look at him with your eyes narrowed.

“I said nothing.”

“That was just bad luck,” you insisted, then took your shot again, deliberately missing once more. You lowered the rifle, pouting.

“I’m pretty sure this is rigged.”

“Or maybe the guy with the deer head on his wall had no idea what he was talking about,” Bucky pointed out, “Almost like watching videos isn’t enough to figure out how to shoot, wouldn’t you say?”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying this.”

“On the contrary, I am a little terrified now that I know you have a gun," he taunted you, “And seeing this…”

You glared at him and took your shot, missing again and you heaved a sigh, lowering the rifle again.

“Better luck next time miss,” the man said and you offered him a small smile. Bucky heaved a sigh as if he was fighting himself.

“Which one did you say you wanted again?” he asked and you pulled your brows together, then pointed at the huge teddy bear. He nodded at the guy and handed him some cash after giving you your cotton candy back, then grabbed the toy rifle from the man and in only a couple of seconds, he had hit every single bullseye, making your jaw drop.

Okay.

You were so screwed.

You knew that he was a great super soldier but seeing it was something else. A shiver ran down your spine as what you had read on his file flashed before your eyes. You were right earlier, you had to make sure to avoid any kind of combat with him by the time this whole mission was over.

“Y/N?”

Your head shot up and you tried to pull yourself together, letting out a breath.

“Wow,” you managed to say and the man behind the counter gawked between you two.

“Um— that one please?” you said and he blinked a couple of times, then reached out to take the teddy bear down to put it into your arms. You let out a small squeal of glee, then beamed at Bucky.

“Thank you!” you said, trying to keep your nervousness hidden and he smiled.

“No problem,” he motioned at you and you gave the teddy to him so that you could hold your cotton candy better. You shook your head slightly, distracting yourself with the sweetness on your tongue but a small laughter escaped from your lips when you took a look at the sight beside you.

The scary Winter Soldier holding a huge teddy bear in his arms.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you managed to say, “I’m going to name him Bucky.”

“No you’re not.”

“Fine, I’m going to name him Grumpy,” you said, “Same deal.”

“Hey!” he protested and you giggled, then looked around.

“Come on,” you said, grabbing his hand, “Let’s go to the Ring Toss!”

                                ***

It was as if the time was going faster on your every single date with Bucky. Even after spending hours in that funfair until midnight, you were still quite giddy when you and Bucky reached your building. You let out a giggle as you turned around and took the huge teddy bear from him, hugging it tight.

“Thank you,” you said, looking up at him, “Really. I…I think it was the best that I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!” you said, “And now I have to find something equally amazing for a modern date, so no pressure.”

He chuckled, “You don’t have to find anything,” he said, “I’d be happy just being with you, not doing anything.”

Warmth filled your insides and you smiled.

“Really?”

“Really,” he nodded and you put the teddy bear down, then stood on your tiptoes to pull him down to a kiss.

His arm wrapped around your waist and you found yourself sighing as his other hand cupped your cheek. A fire – a very, very familiar fire started burning at the pit of your stomach as you felt yourself melt at his touch, every single doubt about the mission and the strategies and everything else wiping out of your mind until desire was the only thing left. He brushed your hair behind your ear as you pulled back and looked up at him, the same fire burning in his eyes but he was better than you at hiding it so a gentle smile pulled at his lips.

Fuck what the strategy report says.

“Um—“ you took a deep breath, “Would you want to come upstairs for...a cup of coffee or something?”

He looked almost surprised at the suggestion but for what it was worth, he overcame that quite fast. His gaze stopped on you for a moment before he nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, “Yeah I’d love to.”

A nervous laughter escaped from you and you nodded,

“Okay—“ you started but before you could say anything, his phone started ringing. He closed his eyes for a moment and took it out of his pocket to answer it.

“This is not a good time man,” he said, but his frown deepened as he listened to the other line, “Right now? Are you serious?”

You tilted your head and he heaved a deep sigh while the person told him something you couldn’t hear.

“Fine,” he muttered, “I’ll be there.”

Oh God damn it.

“Let me guess,” you said when he hung up, “Change of plans?”

He ran a hand over his eyes and nodded.

“Sam says there’s this group of people in need of help…” he grumbled, putting the phone into his pocket, “But somebody better be dying because if not, I can fix that really fast.”

You let out a laugh, “Don’t be like that,” you said, “It’s fine. I told you, I’m not going anywhere. Go save lives.”

“I’m really sorry darling.”

“It’s fine,” you repeated with a smile and pecked him on the lips before picking up the huge teddy bear. “But be careful, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” he saluted and you blew him a kiss before walking into the building. You took the elevator, still holding the teddy tight and as soon as you got to your floor you stepped out.

“What the hell is that?” Keith’s voice reached you and you tilted your head to look around the teddy’s arm to see him by his door, as if he was just leaving.

“It’s a teddy bear,” you said, walking to your door to open it, Keith following you into the apartment.

“What’s in it?” he asked, “Weapons? Guns? Knives?”

“…Fiber.”

“Y/N—” he started but you put it on the floor and took a step back.

“Where are you going?”

“General gave me a mission,” he said, “You seriously want me to believe you just got a teddy bear just because?”

“I was on a date.”

“Oh,” he said, “Romantic. It would be a great way to hide weapons though, even you have to admit—”

“Bucky found my gun.”

Keith stopped talking and stared at you for a couple of seconds, “I beg your pardon?”

You rubbed at your eyes, “You heard me. He found my gun.”

“Why the hell did you not alert me?”

“There was no need.”

Keith threw his head back, “Are you serious right now?” he asked you, “This is the freaking Winter Soldier we’re talking about, you’re not supposed to take any chances! For God’s sake, I live next door for a reason!”

“My cover wasn’t blown,” you insisted, “If you or the team got here, all this would’ve been for nothing. I handled it.”

He crossed his arms, “Still an unnecessary risk to take,” he insisted, “Anything could’ve happened, Y/N. You’ve read his file.”

You nodded, “I handled it,” you said, “You should go by the way. You’re going to be late, the General hates that.”

“Do you want me to say anything to him?”

You thought for a moment and shook your head.

“No,” you said, “Good luck.”

“We will talk about this when I came back.” he pointed at you and left your apartment. You took a look at the teddy bear, then grabbed your phone to touch Chloe’s name.

“Hey there!” she answered on the first ring, “How was the funfair?”

“It was good,” you said, “Listen, I need you to make sure my background is solid.”

“What?” she asked, “It is, I made sure of that—“

“Bucky found my gun,” you said, “Earlier.”

She took in a sharp breath, “God damn it.”

“No it’s fine, I came up with this story of buying it from a shop after the mugging, but…”

“You need a document just in case,” she completed your sentence, “Got it. Do you think he would check?”

“No,” you said, “But Wilson might, he and Bucky are pretty close. It would be much harder to trick him.”

“Got it,” she said, “I’ll get the document ready, maybe some footage… And I’ll go over your social media just in case.”

“Great.”

“But are you okay?”

You paused only for a moment,

“Sure,” you said, “I’m fine, I handled it. It’s all going according to plan.”

“Alright,” she said, “I’d better get to it. Be careful!”

“You too,” you said and hung up, then went to the kitchen to grab a couple of knives before going back to the living room.

“Sorry about this Bucky number two,” you murmured as you turned it around, stuck the knife into it and started ripping it, “But you really would make a good place to hide weapons.”

Chapter 16

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

#1 Fan [Part 1/2]

Summary: Spencer knows he’s seen his new neighbor somewhere before.

A/N: This was a blurb request from my sideblog that got completely out of hand so here she is as a full fic! (We’re gonna pretend like I know how OnlyFans works)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff & Smut 

Warnings/Includes: smut, graphic descriptions of sexual acts, masturbation (male & female), voyeurism(?), please let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed!

Word count: 2.9k

Request: “Blurb about basically the same fic as the other one except she just moved in and he recognizes her as the person he subs to on OF. She’s describing her hot neighbor- and yeah” from @thatsonezesty13​

Masterlist

Read Part 2 Here

The first time Spencer sees her in the lobby grabbing her mail he thinks he’s in a dream. Or maybe he’s seeing things. For a second he’s terrified that he’s having a hyper-realistic, yet somehow mundane, wet dream.

He’s been subscribed to her for a while. To be honest once he’d found her account he didn’t have much of a need to subscribe to anyone else. She was almost tailor made for him, it was sort of scary.

So when he saw her that day, and she smiled at him, giving him a small wave as she passed him in the hall, his heart all but stopped.

That night he checked her page. He compared the pictures of the sweet girl in the hall with the ones in front of him. The photos where she was wearing next to nothing, or sometimes nothing at all. The ones where she had her fingers inside of her panties, or her mouth.

He ended up spiraling that evening, partially forgetting why he was even looking in the first place. Until he was watching videos of her, fucking into herself with a toy until she was squirting onto her bedsheets.

The following morning when he woke up he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t her. How could it be? And if it was, would he have to stop looking? Something felt a bit perverted about that.

So he pushed the thoughts from his head. And that lasted all of 10 seconds because there was a knock on his front door. When he opened it up it was her standing there, the girl from the mailboxes, and the girl from the videos. He knew they were one and the same, who was he kidding?

“Hi!” She sticks out her hand to introduce herself, “I think I saw you the other day, I’ve just moved into the building, Y/N.”

He knows her name already, well he knows her first name, and part of him’s a little surprised it’s not fake.

He takes a moment to consider her hand, he wouldn’t usually shake a strangers hand like this but for some reason he didn’t feel like she was a stranger. The real reason her didn’t want to shake her hand was because of all the things he’d pictured her doing with them. Touching herself, touching him.

But he’s hesitated for too long, so he takes her hand, shaking it gently, “Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid. Nice to— uh, meet you” he has to force his breaths out or they might not come. Looking at her up close, in person, she was too beautiful. And he already thought that about her pictures.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, I always like to know the folks in my building. And especially you if we’re gonna be neighbors”

“Neighbors?” He tries to stop his eyes from popping out of his head but she doesn’t seem to notice. She just nods happily.

“Yup, I’m right on the other side of that wall” she points to her right and giggles, “knock if you need me” she jokes but Spencer’s breathing stops entirely and he can only nod.

“So um, if you wanted to hang out or anything you know where to find me” she smiles at him and starts to head back to her apartment.

He’s not sure what’s come over him, but it feels like adrenaline is coursing through his entire body as he speaks.

“I’m free right now if you’re not busy?” He asks before she can get too far away but she shakes her head.

“I’ve actually gotta head out for a bit but if you’re free tomorrow do you wanna come over and see my place. I’m sure it’s probably the exact same as yours but—”

“Yes!— I mean, um, yeah, that sounds nice, cool” she laughs at him a little, probably at his eagerness, or maybe at the way he’s blushing, he can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks.

“See you then Spencer, Dr. Spencer Reid” she giggles and he’s smitten already.

— —

He’s pretty much counting down the seconds until the following evening. His mind is completely restless, he’s got no idea what to wear or how to act, or what to say.

She was just so pretty, he could barely have a 2 minute conversation with her in the hallway. How was he supposed to hang out with her for an evening.

She slips a note under his door the following afternoon:

I’m on my way out but I should be back around 8! See you then x

He wishes he didn’t stare at the little ‘x’ on the note for quite so long but he couldn’t help it. Even her handwriting was cute.

He doesn’t want to think about why he knows her already but he can’t help it. He decides that he’s not going to look at her page again, taking a cold shower as part of his preparation for that evening before agonizing over what to wear.

He settles on a purple sweater and he already feels like he’s made the wrong call somehow as he’s knocking on her door at 8pm on the dot.

“Well aren’t you punctual” she smiles at him as she pulls open the door. His stomach drops when he realizes that he recognizes the little dress she’s wearing. He’s seen her take it off before. He tries to steady his breathing but it doesn’t work super well so he just waves hello as she ushers him inside.

“I guess you got my note then” she smiles and he smiles back.

“Yeah, your— um— handwriting is really nice” he wants to slap himself in the face. What kind of complement was that?

“Thank you?” she giggles at him, “no ones ever said that before, you’re a bit of an oddball” she points him to the sofa so he sits.

When she comes to sit next to him she’s holding a bottle of wine and two glasses and he has to stop his eyes from bulging out of his head.

“Would you like a glass?” She asks and he nods his head, it probably wasn’t a great idea, but neither was any of this. She hands him a glass of wine and takes the seat next to him on the couch, turning to face him as she tucks her legs up under herself.

“So Spencer Reid, what kind of doctor are you?” she asks as she takes a sip from her own glass.

“I’m—um— I work at the FBI actually, I— I’m a profiler” he’s already conscious that he doesn’t want to bore her by harping on about work, or by rambling like he does right before people usually roll their eyes. But she doesn’t, she leans in.

“That’s so cool, well it sounds like it is anyway? Does that mean you read people or something?” her eyes look like they're after lighting up and she's smiling at him encouraging.

“Y-Yeah? It’s sort of like reading people I guess. We catch killers by getting inside their heads in a way, trying to figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing, and hopefully what they’re gonna do next so that we can stop it. It’s a little more complicated than that, but that’s the gist” he’s smiling now too, the way she’s looking at him makes him feel like he’s actually doing a sort of good job not embarrassing himself.

“So you said my handwriting was nice” she says, gears clearly turning, “Can you read anything about me from that?” she looks like she's challenging him, if he didn’t know better he might call it flirting.

“Well actually graphology—sorry— handwriting analysis has been deemed a pseudoscience by most, the validity of handwriting as evidence in court has always been dubious and many of the techniques used today are the same as those employed in Renaissance England.” he rambles but she’s still engaged when he stops speaking.

“So you’re smart smart, huh?” she smiles at him, and he nods.

“I don’t believe intelligence can be neatly quantified but I do have an IQ of 187” he feels paradoxically stupid saying that, it feels like bragging or something and he already wants to take it back.

“Wow, a doctor with an IQ of 187” she takes a second to mull it over, “What are you doing hanging out with the likes of me?” she jokes, but his eyebrows knit together, he had no idea what she did, other than that thing he knew she did.

“I wouldn't sell yourself short like that, what do you do?” he asks her, at the very least it’ll stop him from spiraling.

“I work in a vintage bookstore, the one two blocks over?” She motions behind her as she tells him, and he knows it well, in fact he spends so much time there that he’s shocked he’d never seen her before.

“You work there? I’m there all the time, how have I never noticed you before?” she chuckles at him.

“I’ve only just started, I just moved in, remember?” and he wants to slap himself again, something about being around such a pretty face slashed that impressive IQ in half.

They spend another while and the rest of the bottle of wine getting to know each other before Spencer has to call it a night. Part of him wished that she was boring, or rude, or hated him, then maybe he’d be able to quell his infatuation. But this just made it worse, now that he knew her, now that he had spoken to her and she was so sweet, so smart, so funny, and still so damn pretty. He was absolutely fucked.

— —

He swears to himself that the wont look at her page again. Now that he knew her and he liked her more than he even did before, it felt like a real invasion. Part of him still felt bad about it in general, like he should've told her right away, been up front. But the moment for that had already passed so this was his next best plan.

Until he returns home the following Friday. He’s exhausted when he crawls into bed but he’s still somehow restless, the gears still turning in is brain. So he does what he always does when he wants to forget about everything else in the world.

His muscle memory opens it up, and he’s on her page before he even realizes he's done it. And she’s posted a few new videos this week. He wishes he had better willpower, or any willpower at all, but he can’t seem to stop himself from clicking on one.

It begins with her kneeling on her bed, wearing lingerie he’d seen before, it was baby pink and it was one of his favorites. She starts by dipping her fingers into her panties, teasing herself as little moans toppled from her lips. Then she started talking.

“I’m gonna tell you guys about a little dream I had last night, well, I’ve been having it all week really” she continues to tease herself a little, her other hand coming up to grab her breast over her soft pink bra as she speaks. Her voice is smooth and perfect, if he only had the audio he’d still be turned on right now.

“It goes like this. I’m lying in this bed right here, doing something a little like this, when there’s a knock at my front door. When I get up to answer it he’s there, with his shaggy brown hair, and his huge doe eyes, and he’s got these lips that are just so fuckin’ pink. I want them all over me. He comes inside and he grabs me with those huge hands of his and he pulls me right into him before he kisses me.” she moans a little as her fingers brush right up against her clit, but Spencer’s vision has almost gone blurry.

He’s not sure he’s even breathing when she starts talking again. “Then I lead him to my bedroom, and I get him out of those clothes. He dresses like an english teacher and I wish I didn’t find it so fuckin’ hot. Sometimes in the fantasy I take his cock in my mouth, I suck him off until he’s whimpering. Other times I can’t wait, I just need him to fuck me right away.” she takes off her panties then, leaving them to one side, while she grabs a toy from her bedside table.

“I like to fuck myself with this, but all week I’ve just been imagining that it’s him. He’s just so pretty, I know his cock has to be too. I want to know what it feels like when he’s buried inside me, so fuckin’ deep” she continues to fuck herself with the toy, and he’s tuned back in now, he’s achingly hard without even noticing, his hand wrapping around his cock as he pictures the other side of that fantasy.

It doesn’t take long before he's releasing, spilling all over his hand in tandem with the video. She takes a moment to relax, steadying out her breathing before she speaks to the camera again.

“I think I have a crush guys” she gasps out, “I moved, and I think I’ve got a crush on my fuckin’ neighbor already”

Not that he needed any more confirmation, but those words hit him like a fucking train.

It’s already midnight, it’s not so late that he couldn’t go over there, but it sort of is late enough that he shouldn’t. He really can’t bring himself to care though, getting out of bed and cleaning himself up he decides to ride this uncharacteristically confident wave as far as it’ll take him.

He’s knocking on her door before he’s had a chance to second guess himself. When she answers she’s in a little robe, it’s ivory and satin, and he recognizes it too. He doesn’t say anything, neither does she. They just look at each other for a little too long, eyes taking each other in. He wants to lean in and kiss her, just like in her fantasy, but he’s not that guy.

“Hi” he breathes out instead, “I know it’s late, sorry, I shouldn’t be here—but I— I just wanna say” he pauses to take in a labored breath, “I like you a lot and I think you’re really pretty and funny and smart and would you wanna go out sometime? With me? Maybe?” he doesn't realize he’s closed this eyes until he’s got to pry them back open.

“Well that’s not how the fantasy was supposed to go” she giggles, her eyelashes fluttering as she looks up at him and the blush that’s steadily spreading up his face and neck.

“What do you— I don’t— what?” he’s stammering, doing a god awful job of playing dumb.

“In my video, you were just supposed to kiss me. This isn’t as sexy but it is a hell of a lot better”

“I don’t— I’m not—” he can’t get a sentence out, he’s got no idea what’s happening right now.

“It’s alright Dr. 187, I know it’s you” some part of him genuinely wants to throw up. Why did he think that would be an innocuous username. He was the stupidest genius alive.

“I’m sorry, I should've told you. I had no idea how, I just never thought— how could I have known you’d move in next door to me? And that you’d be even prettier in person but you’d be so cool too” he’s got to cut himself off before he really starts apologetically rambling.

“Spencer stop. It’s fine. I make that content for people to enjoy, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. I made that video because I wanted you to see it, that was intentional.” she reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, and it’s more comforting than it has any right to be.

“Was that—your fantasy—the uh the video—were you telling the truth?” he can feel his heart absolutely racing in his chest as he waits for the answer. And she breaks out in a huge smile, nodding up at him.

“Every word.” he doesn’t let himself overthink it this time, he just leans right in, pressing his lips to hers. It’s soft and gentle, a sweet kiss rather than a heated one, it’s not just infatuation, there are feelings behind it now. He can feel her lips smiling against his own and his heart’s fit to burst now.

When they break apart she looks giddy with excitement, her hands come down to the little bow that holds her robe closed, toying with the ends of the tie. “I’m actually about to make a video now if you’d like to see behind the scenes?” she asks and his breath gets stuck in his throat.

“Fuck” he rasps, “You’ve got no idea how much I want to do that” he pauses, scolding himself in his head already, “But I think I wanna take you to dinner first, if you still want that?”

She’s grinning at him again, “I still really want that, tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night.”

-- --

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