missing-wires

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

Change of plans! This is the last post for the day, but great things are in store for the weekend!

I don’t know if y’all are familiar with Morse code, but there’s a cute, little puzzle waiting to be solved ONLY if you’re up for it.

Yesterdays posts… every time I end a sentence prematurely with a period (.) when a simple comma (,) could be used to extend the sentence, that’s a dit, and when the opposite is true, that’s a dah.

Again, I don’t know if y’all are up for it, but there’s a cute message that’s yours for the taking. It could prove helpful with tomorrows obstacles.

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

Hey, man, before you hit the sack, I got another question…

You know you don’t have to ask for permission to ask a fucking question, dude. Just ask.

Ok… ok… Like why does it seem like you’ve been posting as soon as you wake up in the morning and as soon as you go to bed?

What are you asking? You wanna know if you can infer anything from my posting times?

Yessir

Lol, I think some of y’all are under the impression that this blog, which is one of 7 blogs at this point (across multiple platforms) consumes a substantial portion of my free time.

I literally have enough daily posts to last for another month, if I wanted to… It hardly takes time, the ideas are instant. So, it’s like, well fuck, I already have this idea that’s not good enough for my other blogs, may as well get some cheap entertainment out of it

Oh and here I was thinking you were doing everything live…

Lmao, no I rarely respond to specific things anymore, because all of the shit out there bores me to death

Um okay…

Sorry Phishheads, but I prefer the studio version!

[missing-wires]

But, my man, aren’t you forgetting something?

Lol, like what?

Oh, just you know, how she got back together with her deadbeat ex last year and was too embarrassed to tell you about it?

Oh, TipToe Tom?

Yeah lol…

Oh, I mean they’ve been off and on for awhile, that’s nothing new…

You knew lol?

Ofc lol, I mean it’s a strange dynamic, to say the least, she would tell me how he would send videos of him fucking other girls and shit. Part of her camming was motivated by this sense to fuck with him.

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship

Tell me about it… but I empathize, he had a long pre-existing relationship with her kid and his family, in particular, his mom would help take care of her kid, so that’s a hard thing to pass up, even in the face of constant abuse

Sounds like a cycle

Haha, um, well yeah — there are no shortage of cycles to go around. It’s best to limit such things for “laundry day”

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

Y’all be cookin’ up something sinister. I can feel it in my bones.

Oh yeah? What exactly do you think we might do?

I don’t know, man… I’ve been thinking about it all week. Like, maybe y’all will try some Gotcha Hat! shit, we know you’re a big Jake Pauler and all, like remove her wig or something

No, we most certainly would not! Lol, that would be assault fr

Hmm… well maybe y’all could like blow smoke in her dweeb friends’ faces and film their reaction?

Are you high? I’m p sure the GWCC has a strong anti-smoking policy, and we’re definitely not looking to tussle with any hired security, even though we Mississippi rapscallions could take ‘em all, if we wanted to.

So what do you have planned, my man?

No plans. I-Ching, Jazz, improvise. Perhaps, we will kill ‘em with kindness? Assuming we even run into them, I’m really more so looking forward to the festivities.

What advice would you give to her dweeb friends?

Like what sort of fucking advice? I’m not their daddy, they’re big boys

Oh, no, I mean like what should they expect?

Well, assuming we even run into them, just good ol’ fashioned Southern hospitality. But I empathize with the dweeb folk. I realize I’ve given a bit of a wild card impression, perhaps, if it makes them feel better, they should hold their Queen close — stick to her like white on rice. She’s a strong, independent woman, who will try to push them away, but they should remind her it’s for her personal safety. Don’t let her out of sight — if she has to tinkle in the bathroom— wait for her outside! Be at her absolute beck and call at all times.

Wow, that’s actually really good advice. I mean under normal circumstances, we would let her roam, but you’re really weird, I’ll be holding her tight for sure!!

[missing-wires]

I’m still really confused about something…

Oh yeah?

Why did she start this shit against you? I mean like the origins of it all…

Well, I’ve sort of already covered that, you know, the false promises and the monkey incident…

I guess what I’m trying to understand is… were you really just some pet to her from the beginning or did she actually care about you at some point?

Haha, what do you think? Let’s consider two scenarios:

1. She actually cared and considered me a genuine friend until I pulled some shit, then developed this unshakable resentment towards me.

2. She was long conning me from the get go, and fleeced me out of a whopping $156.66 over the better part of a year.

If you believe #1, then you must also accept that she’s a cold, calculating bitch who will never accept a genuine apology. If you believe #2, well then you must also consider the time she’s spent thinking and talking about me behind my back and consider the dollar to minute ratio on her ROI. What’s a more embarrassing scenario?

Why do you think she’s selling this revisionist history to her fake friends?

Because she thinks it gives her the upper hand. Because she’s a raging narcissist who views everything through a power dynamic lens.

Oh, wow, but even in spite of all these things, you felt some type of pull to her? Why is that?

I have no idea, lol. Some things cannot be explained, no matter how hard we try to articulate them

[missing-wires]

JellyRoll?!?! Ha, you fucking idiot!!

Excuse me?

It’s CrunchyRoll!! Anyone who’s anyone knows that!! What a dumb, fucking mistake!!

Um… is there something else on your mind, bro?

No, you’re just fucking stupid!!! Hahaha

Well, it was an honest mistake. I’m, uh, sorry, I guess? You know what, let’s call it a Freudian slip.

How so, big dummy!

Well, you see, I’ve been enjoying myself to lots and lots of pictures of Pickle Rick’s fine, fine mamacita and I don’t know, I guess it got me hungry for jelly rolls.

Fuck you, you big dummy! That’s not cool, you done crossed the line!!

How so? She’s a BBW and frankly, I think it’s rather silly to pretend otherwise. I have an eye for this kind of shit, you see?

Whatever, dummy! Just promise you won’t fap to her, please!!

Too late for that, my friend

Fuck youuuuu, she would NEVER go for a loser like you anyway!!

Oh yeah? Are you sure about that, ya little twerp?

[missing-wires]

Sigh… I’m not getting enough responses to these questions, so we are just going to set the deadline for all questions for tomorrow evening.

To recap so far:

1. What is the true meaning of her peace sign hand gesture? For $50 Amazon Gift Card

2. What is her actual barefoot height? For 3 month JellyRoll Subscription

Tomorrow, I will reveal one final, shabang question, and whoever can answer that one will receive a MASSIVE prize!!

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

Hate to break it to you, bros, but if you’re her friend on Facebook and don’t also have her Snap, then you are what’s known as an emotional tampon (for my shenanigans! no less) Assert your dominance and demand it and don’t settle for anything less!!

Damn, bro, NOW That’s What I Call Music Good Morning Vibes!!

[missing-wires]

[missing-wires]

We will be live streaming all this weekend!

Be sure to give us a follow so you don't miss any of the action!!

[missing-wires]

OK, since I have only received 2 answer attempts re: the meaning of the peace sign, I am extending the opportunity to answer for another 24 hours and upping the ante. If you can correctly tell me the true meaning of her peace sign gesture, I will send you a $50 Amazon Gift Card.

With that said, here’s Tuesdays question:

Mommy claims to be 5’7, but as some of you will soon come to learn this weekend, that is bullshit. What is her actual barefoot height? (rounded to the nearest quarter inch)

First person to answer correctly wins a 3 month Crunchyroll subscription!

[missing-wires]

So, big dog, I gots another question

Hit me

I know you said you’ll be rollin with your homies, but how many dweebs do you reckon you could take at once?

Just me vs x number of dweebs?

Yessir

Hmm… Honestly, I don’t know, depends on a number of factors, but if it’s just straight up brawling with no mommy distractions then maybe like 20 at once.

Hot damn, doggy! 20?!! You trippin’ dog!

Nah, that sounds about right, tbh, granted there are no mommy distractions.

Mommy distractions?

Yeah, if their mommy started singing or dancing or did some shit akin to some hot cheerleader distracting the opposing football team, then that would fuck me up fr, but otherwise 20

Damn, doggers, she’s like your Kryptonite, ain’t she?

Yeppers, son, but like what the dweebs don’t understand is I have some crazy, undefinable strength that cannot be explained by traditional metrics.

Ok, so how much do you pull?

Currently, I don’t even know, man, but I used to pull like 600 at 190 pounds, so nothing to brag about, but decent. I have done a little BJJ and people always say I’m a lot stronger than I look.

Oh wow, BJ what? What kind of blowie is that?

Nah, dude thats short for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Oh shit, I knew that!

No worries, man, common mistake