#i’ve literally spent the past
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so turns out verizon fucking locks all new devices for 60 days but just … failed to tell me or my parents before we got it to fucking MAIL OUT OF THE US -_-
#stream#i’ve literally spent the past#5 days#literally 5 days#dealing w this stupid fucking phone#only to get it & find out well guess what ur 100% HAVING TO KEEP the 12 mini bc u DONT HAVE A SIM OTHERWISE#BC YES THE IPHONE 14 & BEYOND DO NOT HAVE SIM CARD SLOTS I KNOW ITS DUMB AS FUCK#but it’s *ONLY* the AMERICAN ones that DONT#literally in eu u have to have a sim card slot by law thank god#but this is a 12 mini anyway so it HAS one regardless of the fact that it’s uk#but the fucking sim from voxi still hasn’t kicked on so i’m still like#barely w cell service but then i’ve another esim that i got for cell service before data resets on my ipad & this trap phone#but now the trap won’t have a sim but that’s … fine#wait no yes it does wtf#when the physical sim for the number starts workin then it’s coming in this phone but then the ipad will get her sim back bc that’s the 1#that’s in this phone i think ?#i honestly don’t know anymore#the trap & this 1 have sims that i literally pass back & forth#but now it’s fine#at least i’ve got the us esim back on the damn phone#annoyed bc now i’ve 2 carry 2 phones -_-#+ an ipad -__-#which is broken so it has to have the keyboard w it to charge -___-#i feel insane having 3 phones rn#i just remembered the 1 that comes in the mail tomorrow ALSKAKAKALALALSLAKSLAKSLAK#ITS A 6S 😭😭😭😭😭😭#backup trap …#like i’m not even kidding i’m literally getting telegram downloaded on these other devices so i don’t lose my plugs 😭😭😭😭😭#ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLAJSLKA GIRL ….. SAY UR AN ADDICT W/O SAYING UR AN ADDICT#BUYING MULTIPLE PHONES TO KEEP UP IN CASE U LOSE 1
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They don’t tell you that 90% of drawing comics is staring at a blank panel and thinking until your brain overheats
#I’ve done nothing but work on this comic in my free time for the past few days#and so much of it is just. staring. at the page.#my coworkers asked what I was up to on my days off and like 😭#I was drawing little pictures lads#or thinking very hard about drawing pictures#that is quite literally all I do#anyway I spent al day on one page and it isn’t done yet lol#but I got two done yesterday !!#and I have two or three more left to storyboard#yippeee#txt
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next up in my revamped kj designs: jet star!! 💫
she is so important to me… the space puppy tattoo is partially because of @eggbagelz’ headcanon which i saw and thought “oh definitely jet would LOVE laika” and the design is (with permission) one of my lovely friend @andpierres’ tattoo flash designs and tattoo tickets are available on his kofi if YOU would like to have a space puppy tattoo on your own skin! :)
as with the last two posts, untextured version under the cut for cleaner details and accurate colors!
#danger days#jet star#ttlotfk#killjoys california#jetty jetty jetty#jet has the most updated design technically because i went from headcanoning them as transmasc to transfem!#i have birthday and therefore astrology hcs for ALL the fab four btw if you’re interested#ghoul also has his sign’s constellation tattooed on him i think maybe jet and ghoul got those done to be loosely matching :) family#THANK YOU NICO FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR DESIGN!!#felt appropriate for jet not only because of the space theming but also because i know you like jet a lot :) and i like how you draw them#so. i kind of associate jet with you#and again: no jacket because i wanted y’all to see her tatts but unlike kobra’s jacket#i would probably make at least a FEW tweaks jet’s jacket makes the least sense to me. leather AND denim? i THINK? and there’s a weird symbol#on it? and an epaulette? idk man it’s interesting but i would probably do it differently#god fucking damn it the gun is a little too short probably. to make sense from a top angle. OH WELL. i’m not going back and changing that#too much work#also i spent literally five or six hours just on her hair please clap#if i’ve said anything about jet’s tattoos in the past ignore that i don’t remember any of what i said if that’s the case#NEW hcs now.
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a logan piece i did based off of this tik tok
#marvel#logan#logan howlett#x men#x men origins: wolverine#owen doodles#wolverine#i have this really boring monday class in the morning#and the class is all art terminology that 85% of the terms#i already know#so the past few weeks i’ve spent each class half listening to each lecture and drawing#and this is what i did yesterday#literally did the sketch 20 minutes before the clsss started on some random piece of paper in my bag#and then by the time i got home 2 hours later it was done
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i hope this is the last post i’m gonna write about this but one of the reasons the 60th specials upset me is that it felt like rtd cheapened his own legacy. his initial run, especially season 4, was so meaningful to me as a kid, so influential to me as a writer and even the way i love and engage with tv to this day. that’s not to say he or his run was ever perfect, the most obvious issue being the terrible choices with martha and mickey, and others.
but it’s still upsetting to know that he doesn’t get what made his own series special. which i kind of knew when i read in the writer’s tale that, had catherine not come back as donna for season 4, the companion would have been romantically interested in the doctor. again. the thing he most consistently got right was how his run had stakes; how you could feel the heavy weight of death. tentoo works because it IS bittersweet, because it does come at a cost to both the tenth doctor and donna.
and now? he just gives us another tennant clone and it means nothing. if it had been 13, if david had just come back as tentoo to remind his former self that resting, living, is still an adventure. that despite what it might feel like, it’s an option. and after all the horror 13 faced it could have felt like a catharsis, especially if she’d reunited with the fam in addition to tentoo reuniting with donna. maintaining the biregeneration would still have undercut ncuti’s debut but not the way having david as TWO different doctors did (plus i was never expecting rtd to have improved on race because i watched years & years and wow yikes).
but it still sucks that someone who has written genuinely meaningful things to me hasn’t learned anything in the intervening years. that perhaps next time i revisit s4 it’s going to shine a little less brightly because of what he’s now written, to me the sign of truly bad writing and something i’ve already experienced from another doctor who showrunner, and that makes me sad. a real “you either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain” moment.
#before you come for me rtd was never actually a hero#even as a kid there were episodes i thought were Bad#but his character work was good (except when it wasn’t lol)#i really hope ncuti’s era feels and aims for something properly different#but i’ve literally spent the past year seeing things being like you’ve! done! this!#anti rtd#and also#pro rtd#please prove me wrong
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i have a feeling my mom (who has acted extremely upset + sympathetic about me sweating profusely in my shitty 80+ degree room) is going to tell me that they can’t help me replace my 20+ year old ac unit for $250, even tho they are about to pay Thousands of dollars to replace their central ac bc clearly her needs are more important than mine (when one of my worst and most impactful symptoms is heat intolerance, which makes me dehydrated and even more dizzy and fatigued and i’ve been getting dehydration headaches even tho i’m drinking almost a gallon a day)
#like idk if it’s just the ptsd and i’m psyching myself out for nothing but i don’t feel good abt it#to the point of being extremely anxious abt asking her abt it and not knowing how to approach the convo not angrily#it’s just extremely frustrating bc i 100% Know my stepdad has the money to help me. if he says no it’s literally just bc he doesn’t like me#and cares more abt having retirement money than me not being even more ill and suicidal than i already am#Anyway i’ve been feeling like i’m being hunted for sport all day#and regardless i’m ordering it tomorrow bc i Cannot keep living like this and it’s a basic need#it would just be like half of the money i’ve worked to save up down the drain#and even longer until i can move out which i Desperately need to do at this point#idk man it’s just like. if they don’t offer to even help w Half of the cost i will have lost All trust in Her especially#bc 99% of the time she doesn’t give a single shit what that man thinks. she spends his money Constantly#literally in the past month she spent like $300 on a Bush Trimmer and a Chainsaw#she pays $200 monthly for an art studio that she barely uses#but ah yes my immediate safety and health is too much to ask for. totally understandable#just Extremely maddening when she constantly tells me that she’ll do Anything to help me and was like Why didn’t you tell me sooner????#abt my ac not working#like my brother in christ letting me bring a tower fan up to my room is not going to fix the situation 👍#ventnote
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saw the "how often do you think about the Roman Empire" meme and thought about you <3
my first thought was to say, well maybe not every day, but I just looked in my journal and I do I fact think about Ancient Rome on a daily basis
#❤️❤️❤️#to be clear u are absolutely right although I’m the version of that meme that’s about the republic#It’s just that I’ve been thinking non stop about one piece and mortal kombat for the past week#like literally I drew a comic and then it left my mind entirely bc I was back on my mishanks bullshit even though I spent an hour#looking up something about germanicus#I have physical proof in my WIP folder that I spent time yesterday drawing Caesar and Pompey however I remember none of it bc#That space has been replaced by Bi-Han’s biceps like. My god.#CHRIST I was thinking about getting some replicas of Roman coins for jewelry reasons but I cannot for the life of me#Recall what I liked when I was doing that. Head empty just the opla ost on repeat#thank god for my journal lmao#ask tag
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how can I have so many ideas but also NO IDEAS
#I’m back in my hating music phase sorry#it’s just so incredibly frustrating the concept is 100% but I literally cannot come up with anything#I’ve been putting off trying so I’ve been like ‘well just try you don’t even know if it’s going to be hard’#guess what. it’s just as hard as it’s been for the past three years I’ve been massively burnt out#I hate it here why do I even do this#this was supposed to be funny but it’s actually not that funny anymore I’m so tired of only ever being able to force myself to create#nothing I do is ever all that good. like it’s fine. but in the past three years I’ve written one (1) piece I’m actually proud of#and I’ve written at least like seven pieces#which is not even a lot compared to most people who do what I do#anyway. the tags kind of got away from me. I think I should stop for tonight#meanwhile I only spent like 15 minutes on it and that was enough to genuinely upset me#mine
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Why are videogames hard when you put them on hard mode :(
#playing kh2 on critical mode#and like. here’s the thing.#i don’t play games on hard. i’m not here for the challenge i’m here for the story and some good times#but i really want to earn the secret ending for once so here we are on critical#i’ve gotten through every boss so far no problem (mostly)#but despite this NOT being a completionist playthrough i am still fucking incapable of finishing a kh game without collecting#every treasure chest#i just have to collect them#and i just can’t fucking get past that last nobody fight in cavern of remembrance#i leveled up specifically for this. i spent like two hours on it#still nothing#i guess i just need to level up even more :/ (i’m level 68)#i literally finished my beginner playthrough on level 67 lmao. i completed all of CoR at a lower level but oh well#kh#kingdom hearts
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Apparently my mom shares trans memes on her facebook, which is… cool I guess? But she also still posts old pictures of me all the time
#mine#i’ve even talked to her about this and she got really upset and said she spent hours going through all her old photos of me#and only keeping ones where i looked ‘masculine’#but. they’re absolutely not.#and i mean i’m glad my parents are supportive enough that this is the shit that pisses me off but i’ll be damned if it doesn’t piss me#the fuck off#well ok worse than this is what my dad does#which is basically to only acknowledge it when i’m about to make a big change and he sends me a text#saying ‘hmm i guess you’ve wanted this for a long time huh :(‘#and also still not gendering me ever even though it’s been almost 4 years#like ok he’s not misgendering me but he awkwardly interrupts his sentences to rephrase them to avoid using pronouns#or if he gets really stuck he uses they/them which also pisses me off#it’s this shit and a thing that happened over 2 years ago (!!) at this point that make me feel like i don’t fucking pass ever#and everyone only ever genders me correctly to be nice or patronizing#i still get shocked when strangers gender me correctly (which is basically 100% of the time for the past 3 years)#but that’s really mostly because of the thing that happened 2 years ago#it literally makes me feel so deeply sick when i think about it like i genuinely feel ill#i still have nightmares about it lol#um. i realize i’m being vague but it wasn’t anything actually bad. just some stuff a friend said to me#and then said again and then continued to make it worse by saying more stuff#anyway that’s enough for now#hey if you just clicked ‘see more’ on the tags and saw this huge wall of text don’t bother reading it k
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Me like 99% of the time: “Lol, yeah, I was super suicidal and severely mentally ill when I was 13/14. I was so cringe. Glad I’m better and can make light of the topic. What a wreck lol”
Me that 1% of the time: …I was suicidal when I was 14
#never realized how fast I moved on#I went from being super sick and once I got better I just erased the past#everything that happened then was something cringe my middle school self did#MIDDLE SCHOOL#I WAS A CHILD#no child should ever be so sad they want to kill themself#I guess I’ve never given it thought#never mourned or reflected what I lost and what happened to me#I guess it’s just easier to completely separate that part of me than remember it#because it’s painful and hard to remember#I wasn’t a good person then I was in a lot of pain and I was so young#no one wants to think about that#but now I have such a huge disconnect between that time of my life and who I am now#I’ve completely made that part of my life a separate entity#and it’s literally been this past month or two that’s i realized this#I’ve spent the past three-ish years just making fun of myself at that time period because it’s easier than thinking about that part of#my life#it’s a chapter I don’t want in my story but keeping it out leaves this awkward blank space#I’ve never been good at receiving apologies or praised for doing something hard#and looking back and admitting that I was so sick so young and was able to get over it is something that’s fucking amazing and fucking#horrifying and I’m allowed to feel those things without pushing it away and making a joke about it#this is so random I meant for this to be a lol relatable post#delete later#rae’s rambles
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the actually worst part of doing things alone is getting other people to not want to go with you
#bc it’s normal to ask someone to accompany you but telling someone you want to do sth alone tends to be viewed as rude#esp when the other person doesn’t get going places alone#but i looove doing that it’s sooooo fun#like i literally lied to someone today that i was going to the doctor even though i went to see a museum exhibit#bc i was worried she’d want to join me and i wanted to just sit there with headphones on and wander around#btw how do i get a relationship to die off naturally if the other person doesn’t seem to want it to end#like even the 2 hours we spent together today were a little exhausting and she’s been annoying me this entire past semester#nothing happened either ig i just don’t care as much abt this as her plus listening to her sometimes makes me want to go crazy#like yeah i’m sorry the guy you like told you he was busy and then went to see someone else#but also. this has been going on for so long he clearly doesn’t want to see you that much#but i don’t want to tell her that like it’s be kind of cruel but i just. find that such a strange situation#maybe it’s bc i’ve never had a crush on anyone or maybe bc i don’t care to pursue relationships when they aren’t just developing#on their own but like. girl how do you live like this#and listening to her complain that she doesn’t have classes this semester like ok?? then find some to go to???#📓#idk i don’t want to be an asshole but she’s so tiring
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Not to sound like an edgelord or something, but the more you think critically about it, the harder it is to reconcile religion with reality
#I’ve literally spent the past 10+ years avoiding doing any actual thought about religion#just for my own peace of mind#but I’ve just had too much time to think lately and couldn’t help myself#by no means am I even an atheist#I think that intelligent design is a probably explanation#but I just can’t really convince myself of religion
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also I spent money today and now I feel so guilty :(
#I was doing so well… I barely spent anything for the past few weeks… and then I went and bought a new sweater and tshirt#(on a really good sale and they weren’t that much anyway so I don’t feel that bad about them)#AND ordered a bunch of craft supplies for a project I’ve been putting off bc of how expensive and involved it’s going to be#(basically 65 bucks on paint and other things I need to customize a pair of vans for a cosplay)#and I feel Guilty now :( I’m literally right here in the home stretch of my college savings goal I can’t fail NOW#gurt says stuff#delete later
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my quest to find tengo miedo torero in any bookstore continues to fail but at least i got soy una tonta por quererte this time…
#i literally don’t want to calculate how much i’ve spent on books these past two months… everyone LOOK AWAY!#she speaks.l
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#turned 21 today#spent the day w some of my best friends#and got lots of bday wishes from good friends#but one of my friends who i’ve been friends w since we were 12#and who i’ve been rooming w in college the past two years#didn’t even wish me#and i’m like damn……….#i decorated the place and gave her a gift and all that for her bdays#but i couldn’t even get a text like wtf#it’s kinda hurtful#like i wasn’t expecting a gift obv esp bc we are in dif cities rn#but like …. a bday text at least…😭#like my friends roommate literally texted me today to wish me and i just met her this year#like it’s not that hard#idk
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