nerohudson45

[nerohudson45]

"I wish caucasian LGBTQIS in America would own up to the fact...

that they have this ideal fantasy of a Gay African American ....

and its mostly to entertain them at drag bars or #### them at 3a.m.

and when you dont fit that they lump you into a "mean girl" persona and your left outside looking in.

And gay african americans who primarily date caucasians act like they should be the ones lifted to a level of prestige.

And black gay men who do date other gays of color have to be seen in society as the dominate one...

I feel that the man that Ive always been has been cheated out of the romantic equation because of my opinionated yet roguish behavior of being my own developed person.

Im not going to say its been 45 years of time wasted but its been one of isolation not so much of my own doing as I thought before.

The truth is no one will be honest with the fact that the LGBTQIS community is no better then the heterosexuals who outed and arrested you from 1888 to 2012 ....

its just that they say "your free to be who you want but that doesnt guarantee that your free to be romanced and loved."

Again i dont want to use the term i wasted my time but that is what comes to mind because I would have made a great stay at home dad and I kinda wish thats the route that i had taken.

So while we wrap up pride weekend take a moment and stop thinking this community is one big romantic rainbow comedy because realistically its dreadfully isolating."

Hudson 2022

[nerohudson45]

Breaking Free

Have you ever just thought if you just broke free the real life you want would emerge?

What would it look like?

Well after the mass murder in Buffallo against pocs its has me thinking this very same but first i have to look at my restrictions.

Im black (african american) would be the most prolific restraint because this world isnt made for me unless i go quiet and act as if i almost exist.

I cant make any real noise

I cant make over 250k unless i sold dope

I cant

I cant

I cant

So what is it that I can do

Because i cant be my authentic self because i dont even know who that is

And its not just a battle with caucasians its all races

Its a power struggle that only make me victorious some of the time.

Next we look at my strengths.

[nerohudson45]

Everyone is exploiting each other for likes.

There are these so called power couples and all you see are them half naked taking photos of their hot bodies asking people to pay a subscription fee to watch them f### and usually with other people.

But then there is all of these documentaries of men trading their girlfriends in once they gain more muscle mass; Chris Ward got rid of his entire family and gets more letters then students at Harvard.

These aren't just scary times for Ukraine but for the rest of us as well. Tik Toc is exploiting every user while being racist at the same time. You Tube junkies are getting rich while pocs have to wonder if they will live or die.

I have been using a computer since I was 8 and the first yahoo chat rooms were more about meeting new people instead of taking advantage of them.

The axis of evil has shifted to where it is winning and this benefits no one but those who have monetized evil.

[nerohudson45]

Its only a matter of time before the world either fixes what the system and its privileged hue (mostly anglo saxons) has taken advantage of or we allow it all just to fall apart.

People of color and poor caucasians all over the world are being left out of success. We have these celebrities, these tech billionaires and even more elites that know very well that the balance of equity is at an all time low.

What if I had the chance to be the person I wanted to be and not the discriminated hue that i was born into? What if people were told the truth that Highschool was never going to be enough to ensure the life that you wanted.

Now its nearly to late and maybe there are other ways to ensure the betterment of mankind with complete honesty.

Be honest about how Jay Z went from drug dealer to platnium rapper to billionaire. Be honest about how lonely Whitney Houston was to the point Bobby Brown was her only love match.

Be honest about how christianity was used to plunder nations, its people and its resources because we are living in this bed of lies that many of us have no input in.

We have gone to far over the edge.

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

'I Gotta Text'

(Inspired by my obsession with everything Love Island)

A 12 week winter series of lust, romance and awhole lot of texting.

4 friends are getting over the heartbreak by traveling to Ibiza for a fun filled session of sex texting ....and if at the end you can tell who has the best technique you both with 75,000€

Get ready for it December 3, 2021

Created By: Hudson K. (Me)

Written By: Hudson K. (me)

Find out the cast in a special texting extravaganza on Thanksgiving Day.

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

I sit at home and watch tv and i dream.

Dream of being a lawyer.

An artist.

A son.

A brother.

An uncle.

To drive a car.

These are realistic dreams and wants so then why did not of it ever happen to me.

Its as if i was not a wanted child.

And then when i had to navigate the world i was swimming in traumatic waters and each part of reality never seem to happen.

This isnt about blame or shame.

But does my universal life sign even exist or because i was never supposed to live past the months i basically get to write my own life line?

My brain has no desire to want anyone but my mother. I dont weep for never having a love match. I cry inside because my mother chose to bear a child that she never intended to love.

That's why i abandoned them just as she had abandoned me.

My mental health is a coping mechanism, a saving grace, a tool to navigate what is real and what i tell the rest of the world to belong.

Until a year or so ago i told people my dad was an entertainment lawyer why you wonder to normalize my being.

I want to have romantic love i just dont have it in my story and that is why i am the prince of bromances because that means even when tou find love i will still have a brother.

This is nearly as therapeutic as my time in real therapy mainly because i dont have the fear of my truth having me locked away but that maybe all of our fear that someone will use our words against us.

My mother used my words against me as when i had to testify against her she made it a point to always seek me out and i ensured that we never bonded.

So as a tool i used my mother to continue to harm me because she already had from the start so maybe i dont want my mothers love i just want to tell her, goad her with the truth and abandon her as she has me.

Hudson

[nerohudson45]

This really does hurt sometimes.

I went on the nami website to share my story and i dont know if ot posted or not but i was writing it from a place that seemed staged as i am wanting to always be stoic and in control.

But really this does hurt.

The meds

The lonliness

The fatigue

The emotions

The deaths unknown by me to covid 19

The racism

The abandonment

Keep reading

[nerohudson45]

My Diagnosis

I plan on coming here to share as much of my story as I can to help others and let them know that they are not alone.  There will be no particular order but do know that I have lived this journey for 43 years and as much as these meds have helped “ground” me sometimes I wonder will i be on them for the rest of my life.

I know that during covid 19 a lot of new mental health crisis will arise but mine began from the moment i was born and from about the age of 35ish i managed it the best i knew how.

I worked but never kept a job that led to a career.  I was abandoned by my entire blood family before i could even grasp any aspect of life.  My parents and others never taught me anything from riding a bike to having a healthy sex life.  I don’t think they wanted me so my moms pawned me off to her drug dealer for her heroin at the age of 3.

Keep reading

[nerohudson45]

[nerohudson45]

https://onlyfans.com/princehudson

[nerohudson45]