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sammysficfactory · 1 year ago

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Gone and Back Again

Clark Kent x blackcoded!reader

tags: angst, hurt/eventual comfort, fluff

summary: clark chose the world over you, and comes to regret his decision.

wc: 4.7k words

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, mentions of abandonment

notes: bruce wayne cameo🤭, clark is a coward, reader is a MOTHA..NO DRAMA, yes the baby is named jonathan, feedback is welcome

beta reader comments: damn 6 years a secret?? them glasses work wonders

"Clark is that you? Why are you up?" Clark freezes when he hears your sleepy voice. He pushes what looks like a large bag out of your line of sight.

“Go back to bed sweetheart, I’m just going for a drive. I’ll be back in the morning.” Clark walks through the dark and places a kiss on your forehead and your large belly. You nod sleepily.

“Alright, be safe. I love you.” Is all you say before you find yourself drifting off to sleep again. Clark sighs in relief, he never planned on leaving his wife and coming child, but sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

The next morning, you wake up to a cold and empty half of the bed. It seems that Clark hadn’t come back from his late night drive. You don’t think much of it, writing it off as him losing track of time. But when hours start to go by and Clark hasn't returned, you find yourself getting antsy. You pull out your phone and call your husband.

“Come on, pick up..” You murmur, pacing around your living room floor. Clark doesn’t answer, even when you call a second and third time. This wasn’t like him at all, even when Clark was at work he made sure to pick up if you called a second time. You begin making calls, starting with his job.

"Good morning, Daily Planet. May I ask who's calling?" a woman answers.

“This is Y/N Kent, Clark Kent’s wife. Has Clark come in to work today?” You ask, doing your best to keep your voice level. You hear some typing before the woman on the other end answers.

"I've just checked the schedule, and he's not on it...He didn't give any warning either. Did something happen?" You sigh, that was definitely not the answer you were hoping for.

“No, it’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.” You sigh heavily.

“No problem, Mrs. Kent. If anything comes up I’ll call you back.” She replies before hanging up. You make a few more calls, calling some friends to no avail. You pace around the house in a panic, trying to think of places where Clark could possibly be. After a few minutes, you grab your car keys and drive around the city, looking in all of the places you think Clark could possibly be, all to no avail. You sigh, deciding to call your last resort. The only person you know with the resources to find your husband.

"Hello? This is Bruce Wayne..." You sigh in relief when he picks up.

“Bruce, it’s Y/N. Clark is missing.” You cut straight to the point, there was no time for formalities in your mind. You can hear Bruce move around on the phone.

“Are you sure? How do you know?” He asks, not wanting to jump to conclusions just yet, but the panic in your voice was unmistakable.

“Last night he said he was going for a drive and that he’d be back by morning, but he hasn’t shown up. I’ve done everything, I’ve looked everywhere. I even called his job. I don’t know what to do, and I’m starting to panic.” You quickly run through the events, tapping your fingers on your steering wheel as you drive back home.

"It's okay, just calm down. I'll get some people in the area to search for him." He says, trying to ease your worries.

“He said he’d be back by morning. It’s already past noon. What if he’s…” You trail off.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. Let's not jump to conclusions. He'll be alright, trust me. I'm doing everything in my power." Bruce is already setting things in motion, and that much comforts you slightly.

"I'll get in touch with you soon, okay? I gotta go." Bruce hangs up and you walk into your home. You check every corner of the house, every room, closet, and the attic. Nothing. Your phone rings and you pick it up, not caring to check who it is.

“Clark?” You answer nervously.

“Hi, honey.” Your husband’s voice comes through the phone and you sigh in relief. Your worry quickly turns into concern.

“Clark, where the hell are you?! I’ve been worried sick about you!” You exclaim. Clark sighs, his voice tense.

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me very closely. Are you in the house?” He asks, his tone tense and urgent. You sense something amiss, so you sit on your couch, listening intently.

“Yeah, I just got back.” You answer, you can feel his distress through the phone.

“I’m gonna tell you something important, you have to listen.” He sounds serious.

“I’m listening, go ahead.” You hear Clark go silent for a few moments, creating a tense and thick silence before speaking up again.

“I’m…Superman.” He confesses. You’re silent with disbelief before you reply.

“Clark, do not lie to me right now. I swear on everything holy if you’re lying to me-” You warn before your husband cuts you off.

“Y/N, I'm not lying! I always wanted to tell you, but I was scared..." Clark was telling the truth, and he can't deny the hurt he was about to cause you.

“I…Clark. This is a lot.” You sigh.

"Look, I know this is too much, I'm sorry, I wish I told you earlier. I just... couldn't say it. How do you expect someone to say -‘hey, I'm Superman’ to someone they love." Clark remarks.

“Clark, we’ve been together for six years, and we’ve been married for three of them. You’re telling me that you couldn’t have told me before?” You feel yourself growing angry and frustrated.

"I never wanted to keep secrets from you, I just didn’t know how to tell you." All Clark feels is guilt and shame.

"I love you, Y/N..."

“Clark, just come home.” Your voice wavers, for the first time the entire day you can feel yourself about to cry.

"I want to, more than anything..." Clark's heart hurts when he hears how distraught you are.

"It's not that simple, Y/N. If I come back, I'm putting you in danger..." He tries to sound reasonable, but he can feel his own resolve weakening.

“Clark, honey, please. I can’t do this on my own. We’re about to have a baby! You can’t just leave.” You plead over the phone. Clark's eyes start to well up as he hears you beg him to return. He hates hurting you.

"I have to keep you and the baby safe." He'd do anything to be with you... and yet, his fears still dominate him.

“We can still be together, we can still be a family.” You try to appeal to him through your tears.

"You don't understand." Clark can't control it as the hurt and guilt comes out as anger.

"I can't be with you or the baby. The world needs Superman. It's my responsibility." He immediately regrets his tone as soon as he finishes his sentence.

“Clark…” Is all you can manage to say, hurt and shocked by his tone. Clark takes a deep breath.

"Y/N, let me explain. I love you. I don't just love you, I’m in love with you. It's taken me a long time to know who I am... but this I know. I know I love you, Y/N. But the world needs me." The honesty in his voice catches you off guard.

"I was afraid of what you would think. I was afraid of hurting you by telling you. But, I had to tell you the truth. I couldn’t keep lying to you." His voice is as pained as his expression that you don’t see.

“How am I gonna take care of the baby when it grows up? What if it has powers like you do? Clark, I can’t do this on my own.” You sob.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. But the truth is I can't be with you. You and the baby deserve better than me. This is the kind of choice that comes with having the powers I do." The shame he feels is overwhelming. Clark can't believe what he says. He never meant for this to happen, but here he is, tearing his own home apart...all for the greater good.

"It's not your fault. I swear. You're amazing. I just... I can't do this." He hangs up the phone and you sob. The “greater good” had just ripped the love of your life out of your hands, and the crushing weight of having to give birth and raise a baby alone felt almost too much to bear. Your vision blurred by tears, you call Bruce to give him the news.

“Did something happen?” Bruce asks, but when he hears your soft cries he knows the news he’s about to receive isn’t good.

“You can call off the search, he told me everything. He told me that he’s Superman, and that he’s not coming back.” You feel yourself unravel the longer you have to speak. Bruce sighs.

“So he told you.” Is all he says in response.

“You knew?” You ask, feeling angry. Bruce takes a breath as he figures out how to explain his knowledge.

“I did know. I’m Batman, so we work together often.” He confesses, guilt and sympathy translating through his tone. You’re silent save for the occasional sniffle or hitch of your breath.

"Are you going to be okay?" There's a pause, no response from you.

"Y/N?" he calls for you.

“I don’t know. I’m eight months pregnant with a baby that might get superpowers when it gets older, and the only person who can help them won’t be there.” You exhale shakily, feeling absolutely helpless at the moment.

“Y/N…” Is all he says.

“I don’t know if I can do this…” You reveal weakly.

"Y/N, you're strong and you can do this. I know you can." Bruce tries to stay positive, but his encouragement is unconvincing. He can't help but worry for you and your baby.

"Can you... just tell me you'll be okay?" Bruce asks you, wanting you to hear yourself say it. You stay silent, not really believing him but decide to oblige him anyway.

“I’ll…be okay.” You say, your confidence wavering at best. You can hear his small smile over the phone.

“That’s right, you’ll be perfectly okay." Bruce's tone is filled with confidence once again, even if his heart is worried for you. He knows it's not going to be easy, but he knows that you’re stronger than your doubts are trying to convince you are.

"If you need anything, call me. Okay? I'll do whatever I can to help. You're not alone in this." Bruce reminds you, but it goes in one ear and out of the other. You can’t help but feel completely and utterly alone.

“Thank you, Bruce. Thank you for being a good friend.” You sniffle, giving him a satisfying enough answer.

“Always.” Bruce replies before hanging up, leaving you alone in your home.

After Clark left, you decided to focus all of your energy on giving birth and working to raise your son. The years have passed and your son has grown.

You shop around with your five year old Jonathan, your hand in his small one. His face looks just like Clark, with jet black hair and large, kind eyes. Jonathan is bouncing with energy, he seems as excited as a five year old can get.

“Jonathan, you can’t bounce around too much in the store. You might knock something over and hurt yourself.” You warn your son lightly, but your tone is firm.

"Sorry, mommy." Jonathan says with an apologetic shrug. As you walk through the aisle, your eyes settle on a familiar tall figure. You hope Clark doesn't see you, but it appears he already has. Clark stops at the shelf next to the two of you. He notices you and Jonathan, and he can feel the tension.

"Hello, Y/N." Clark's quiet and polite greeting punches you straight in the gut. The realization of his presence happens all too quickly.

He's right in front of you.

And it's surreal.

Clark looks just as handsome as you remember him, his eyes still full of kindness and joy. Your heart races as you look away, and you aren’t sure if it’s out of anger or love.

“Clark.” You greet him curtly, bitterness rearing its ugly head and making itself known. Clark's eyes search yours, looking for even a sliver of love.

"Y/N, I missed you..." He's holding back. It's a struggle.

"I know it's been a long time, and I've hurt you... But I need you." He starts.

"I want to try again. I want to be with you, I want to be with my family. I made a mistake, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you." He looks at you, his eyes full of regret. You look away from Clark, diverting your attention to your son.

“Jonathan, go choose a cereal. Mommy will be watching from right here.” You suggest to your son. Jonathan nods and runs a little further down the aisle and you turn back to Clark.

“It’s been five years, Clark. I gave birth in that delivery room alone when you were supposed to be there. You missed every milestone, and left me alone to take care of our child.” You say calmly, but there’s an unmistakable edge in your voce.

"You're right. But I just wanted to protect you, I wanted to keep you and Jonathan safe. I was scared that if I was here with the two of you, it would’ve put you in danger. If something would’ve happened to you, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself." Clark looks at you. He can't bear to see you like this, to see your broken heart on display, showing him just how much pain he had caused.

"I made a mistake, I know... but I love you. I want to make this right. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I didn’t regret leaving you and our son behind. You and Jonathan, you're the people I want to wake up beside. Please, just let me make this right." He pleads.

“You don’t think I was scared? You don’t think that every night that I was pregnant with your baby, I was scared? When you left, I had no one to rely on except for myself. I was supposed to bring that little boy into this world with you by my side, but you abandoned us.” You clench your jaw, doing your best to stay quiet and not make a scene.

“You chose the world over your wife, and you chose the world over your son, I’m not giving you the chance to do it again.” You poke his chest angrily, and you can see Clark’s heart break right in front of you. It doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would, even after all that time you still hated seeing him hurt. Clark watches you in your quiet fury, his eyes searching yours.

"Y/N. I messed up... I know." His eyes are wide, his voice is desperate.

"I'm terrified I'll lose you again. I'm terrified this is my last chance. That I won't get another." His heart is tearing in two, he wants his family back.

"Y/N, please... for Jonathan." Clark is trying to be strong, to be better... and it's breaking him to see you so upset.

“You lost me when you left, Clark. But your son deserves to have a father, so I’ll allow you that. Come over Saturday afternoon so I can properly introduce you to him. I still live in our house, so you know where to find me.” You brush past Clark, wiping a tear away when you walk to Jonathan.

It's a small step, but Clark knows that everything has to start somewhere. He watches you walk away with his son, and he knows that he can't lose you again. He needs to prove himself and make it right.

Time passes, and Saturday arrives. He can't stop himself, he knocks on the door. There's a tension and Clark's heart is racing. He wants everything back... to be with the woman he loves and the child that needs him.

A few moments later, you answer the door.

“Hey.” You greet him.

"Hi." he replies awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck.

"May I come in?" You nod.

“Yeah, come in. I’ll grab Jonathan from upstairs.” You usher him inside before calling Jonathan from the bottom of the stairs. Jonathan all but runs down the steps. When he sees Clark, Jonathan hides behind your legs as you introduce them to each other.

“Jonathan, this is your dad.” You say, trying to coax your son from behind you. Clark waves at him, but doesn’t say anything.

“Can you say hi to your dad, Jonathan?” You ask, squatting down to Jonathan’s height, trying to reassure him that everything was okay.

"Hi..." Jonathan's voice is shaking, he's frightened by the strange man. He slowly moves out from behind your legs and stands in front of you. You keep your hand on his shoulder to remind him that you’re right behind him, and that he doesn’t have to worry.

“He looks just like you, Jonathan. You two have the same hair, same smile, same eyes.” You continue to try and help Jonathan warm up to Clark. Your son steps out a little more and looks up at Clark, shuffling his feet out of nervousness. He sees the similarities between him and his father and decides to take a step closer.

“Do you want to give your dad a hug?” You ask Jonathan, noticing how Clark desperately wants to hold him. Clark has never seen Jonathan until that day in the grocery store, and wants to immediately start making up for lost time.

"Umm..." Jonathan looks between his mother and his father and hesitates. It's all new and scary to him, and understandably so. He walks towards Clark and puts his arms out. It's the first hug of many to come for Clark and Jonathan. Clark's heart nearly explodes from affection, he has been waiting for this forever. He holds onto Jonathan tight, not wanting to ever let go.

You smile at the image before you, but can’t help the pang of sadness that hits you when you think about the day he left. Jonathan and Clark look happy, hugging each other tightly.

"Jonathan..." Clark holds him tight, and vows to himself that he'll never miss another day, another moment of his son's life.

"Y/N, I love you. I'm so sorry for leaving you. I love you." He says to you, still holding onto his son tight. You struggle to find what you want to say, opening and closing your mouth like a goldfish.

"Tell me what you’re feeling, Y/N." Clark says quietly. He's still holding onto Jonathan tight, but he doesn't want you to be upset with him. He feels his heart breaking, as you seem unable to speak. He knows he hurt you. He's so desperate to make it right.

“We need to talk in private then.” You reply, not wanting Jonathan to hear you say anything bad about Clark. You send Jonathan upstairs to his room.

"Okay, Y/N." Clark's anxiety is building, he knows you still have a lot of anger toward him. He knows he deserves that. However, he wants to fix all the problems the two of you have. He loves you, and he wants you back.

"Talk to me." He says gently. You sigh, sitting in a nearby chair, gesturing for Clark to do the same.

“I don’t have a problem with you spending time with Jonathan, but I’m not sure if I can get into a relationship with you again.” You admit.

"Y/N, I made a huge mistake. But I swear to you that I won't ever leave again." Clark's voice is desperate and longing, he wants just one more chance. He wants to be the best he can, by being a father and now a husband.

"Jonathan needs us, he needs his mom and his dad." Clark's voice has a pleading in it, all he wants is for his family to be together.

"Y/N, let's give it a chance. Just one chance." He implores.

“How do I know that, Clark? How do I know that when shit gets tough, you won’t just up and leave? I went through that, and I don’t want Jonathan to go through it too.” You ask. Clark winces, he knows that your fears are valid, but he can’t help but get hurt by your tone.

"You can't know, I guess." He's being honest with you.

"But I want to prove to you... to Jonathan... that I’ve changed." Clark's eyes still have that same desperate pleading in them.

"Please Y/N, you don't understand how much I regret what I did." He holds onto your eyes, willing you to believe him.

"And I will never leave Jonathan... I promise. Never again." You shake your head.

“Clark, you don’t understand. When you left, I was so alone. I was so scared. I had to give birth alone. When the doctors and nurses asked where you were, I couldn’t give them an answer. When Jonathan started school last year, he started seeing other kids with their dads. Do you know what he asked me? He asked me where his dad was, and I couldn’t give him an answer.” You tell him everything you had been feeling up to this point, the weight of it being lifted from you as you speak. Clark can feel his heart breaking as you tell him about your struggles. He didn't realize how the decision he made affected you and your son.

"Y/N, honey, I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you... for Jonathan. Please, give me... give us a chance." His voice is genuine, filled with regret and pain.

“It took you five years, Clark. I wanna give us another try, but how do I know you won’t leave?” Your eyes well up with tears as you speak, your once firm voice beginning to waver.

"You can't know... You can't know if I'll ever leave again. But what I can promise you is that I won't give up. I won't give up on you, and I won't give up on Jonathan." Clark holds onto your hands, his voice filled with love and compassion.

"Please Y/N, just... just give us another chance." He wants you back, he needs you back. He can't cope without you.

“If I do this…you have to promise me that you won’t run. That you won’t run away when stuff gets stressful.” You sniffle.

"I give you my word, Y/N." Clark's voice is filled with sincerity and determination.

"I'll never run away, not again. The one time that I did it... I destroyed everything. I won't ever do it again." He looks at you longingly, he knows that he needs you. He needs your love, your warmth, your affection. He can't live without you.

"Please, Y/N. Please give us another chance. I'll do anything.” You stay silent for some time, trying to figure out how you feel.

“Okay.” You nod hesitantly. Clark immediately wraps his arms around you in a gentle hug, he's been yearning for this moment for years. He holds you tight, unwilling to let go.

"Y/N, I love you so much. I love you. I love you." A tear rolls down his face as he holds onto you, the pain and fear, the regret and hurt, it all subsides in an instant.

"I love you." He repeats. He'll never run again. He holds onto you, his hand rubbing your back.

"I can't believe I put us in this position, Y/N. I was stupid. But I won't let it happen again. We have to be there for each other, Y/N. We have to communicate. We have to trust each other to share our fears." He smiles, you’re finally back in his life.

"I'm going to spend every day making it up to both of you." He promises you.

“Let’s start slow. I don’t want to change Jonathan’s life anymore than I already have with you meeting him.” You suggest. Clark nods in agreement.

"Of course, Jonathan is still so little, and this is a big change. Slow and steady, that's how I'll repair everything." He kisses the top of your head.

"Jonathan deserves to have a mother and a father. Let's work together to give him the best life possible." He's happy because you’re back in his life. The pain, the tears, the sleepless nights, they're all over. It's time for a new start, he can't imagine himself being with anyone else but you.

"I don't want to push too hard... and I want to earn your trust back. It's all about you and Jonathan, all of... this." He points to you, then to himself, then to Jonathan's room.

"Jonathan is going to be so happy when he sees all of us together. He needs a family Y/N... and I’m ready to give that to him." Clark pulls back from the hug, looking you in the eyes as he makes this promise. You place your hands on his broad chest, looking up at him and allowing yourself to relish in the familiar and comfortable hold of Clark.

“Can I…kiss you, Y/N?” Clark asks, this is all still fresh and he doesn’t want to move too fast, but he can’t help the urge to press his lips to yours.

“Yeah, you can.” You nod, feeling Clark lift your chin gently and bring your lips to his. The kiss doesn’t feel like fireworks or explosions like you’d expect it to. It feels more like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in a fire, like sleeping after days of insomnia, or finding water after walking through a desert for an excruciating amount of time. You don’t understand why, until you realize it. When you kiss Clark, you’re finally giving yourself the love you had been deprived of for so long. The two of you reluctantly break the kiss.

“Thank you. For all of this.” Clark smiles breathlessly at you. You nod.

“Don’t make me regret this, Clark.” You warn, holding his face in your hands.

It’s been about a year since your reconnection and ultimately rekindled romance with Clark, and he hasn’t let you down. He’s done everything he can to prove just how willing he is to stay with you and Jonathan. He’s been by your side as much as he can, occasionally stepping away for his heroic duties, but making sure not to miss any milestones.

“Daddy, mommy, look at me!” Jonathan does a flip on his trampoline as you and Clark watch him from your back porch. You and your not-really-but-still-legal husband smile in amusement.

“Be careful, buddy. Don’t hurt yourself, your mother already told you to be careful.” Clark warns, and Jonathan nods. You look at Clark impressed.

“Okay, Mr. I-mean-business. You need to do that more often.” You chuckle as Clark rolls his eyes playfully, pressing a quick kiss to your lips with a smile.

“Whatever. I reprimand Jonathan when I feel he needs it.” He tries to justify himself, but you give him a knowing look.

“Clark, please. Jonathan has you wrapped around his finger.” You snort, and he looks away sheepishly. Clark spoils your son, especially recently after Jonathan’s powers began to show up. Clark has been helping Jonathan control his newfound powers, especially his enhanced strength. Just a few days ago, Clark had to talk Jonathan down from pulling the kitchen door off the hinges after you told him he couldn’t eat ice cream for dinner.

“You know what I’ve been thinking about lately, honey?” You ask Clark. He shakes his head, looking at you.

“What?” You take his hand in yours.

“I guess you did choose us in the end, just not in the way we would’ve wanted. You chose to save the world, and technically Jonathan and I are part of that world.” You answer, rubbing his knuckles as you’re deep in thought.

“You’re right. But I like this choice best, don’t you agree?” Clark tilts his head slightly. You nod.

“Yeah, this is definitely the better option.”

#superman x y/n #superman x reader #clark kent x reader #clark kent angst #clark kent fluff #superman angst #superman fluff #sam’s masterlist #black reader #black reader insert #black!reader #fluff #black!y/n #angst #hurt/comfort #black fem reader #black reader self insert #superman #clark kent

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sl-newsie · 1 year ago

Text

Spelled (Carlos de Vil x Sanderson Daughter) Descendants 2- Ch. 6: Love Is Madness

“Magica?”

Carlos and I just stare at each other, unmoving and unsure what to do or say. Did he follow me? Why would he risk coming back to this place? Is it because he still cares, or just to find Mal?

“Trixie!” Jay breaks the silence and engulfs me in a big hug. Evie must be here too. “Don’t scare us like that! We thought we’d never find you.”

“Find me? What dost thou mean? Why would you guys come back here?”

Carlos’ POV

Why would we come back? Doesn’t she know how dangerous the Isle is?

“So we could bring you back,” I reply. Magica looks… sad. Something that seems to be happening to her more often. “Magica, please come home with us.”

The purple-haired witch looks at the floor and shakes her head. “This might as well be my new home. It seems that everywhere I go I can never find what I want, so I decided to join Mal here.”

Slowly, I inch forward and try to comfort her. “Magica, the Isle isn’t what you want-”

“How could you know what I want?” Magica suddenly gets very tense and her eyes glow a slight purple. “Do not even try to guess what I want, because it’s not your place to. You’re here for Mal, correct?”

What? We both exchange concerned looks. Magica’s never been this irritated with us before, so why the change?

“Yes, we’re here for Mal. But we’re also here for you-” I try to speak, but Magica interrupts.

“Good. I can take you to her.” She turns and goes to walk away, but then Ben and Evie run out from the alley. “Ben? You’re here too? At this point, why not?”

Ben gets a big grin on his face and tries to hug the witch, but she shows some reluctance.

“Pardon me for being rude, but I'd appreciate it if you kept your distance. You didn’t just swim here, I imagine?”

“Yeah. We took the limo-”

“Did you hide it?”

“Yeah, under a tarp.”

Magica cringes. “Wow. Real ingenuitive. Nobody’s gonna notice that!”

“So you know where Mal is?” Ben asks anxiously.

She shakes her head. “Yeah, but she’s not exactly in the mood for company. Besides, I’ve only been here half a day and I already know you wouldn’t last 10 minutes here alone!”

“Well then let’s go! I’ve gotta apologize and get her to come back.” Ben grabs her hand and starts dragging her down the street until she stops in her tracks and gives him a glare, to which Ben gets a sheepish look. “Oh, right. You know the Isle and I don’t.”

Magica points over to us. “Actually, they do. So pay attention and follow their instructions. The Isle isn’t the place for you, Brother Ben. So don’t do anything stupid.”

“Oh. Ok!”

Ben rushes over to follow Jay and Evie, while I join Magica in the back. But she still seems distant.

“I missed you. Chad’s gotten more out of hand without your daily threats.” I try to smile. “Why’d you leave?”

Magica’s POV

So… he did miss me, just not in the way I’d hoped. But I will not be hooked into going back. Just bring them to Mal and send them away.

“I… You wouldn’t understand, Carlos. I need to figure my life out on my own without getting too many people involved.” More people means more complicated emotions, too many problems.

“How dare you leave without saying goodbye!” A voice calls from behind.

I blink. “Binx?” I turn around and the black cat is sitting at my feet with an unamused look. “What art thou doing here?”

“Did you think you could just disappear and I wouldn’t notice?”

Carlos holds up a hand. “I told him as soon as we heard you were gone. Just because most of Auradon is convinced you’re an evil witch doesn’t mean you’re unwanted by everyone. We miss you, Binx misses you. We’ll work out any problems, I promise. Just please, please come home?” He grabs my hand and offers a smile. “It’s not the same without you, Enchantress.”

Oh God. Why does he have to keep making this so hard? Carlos is happy with Jane, can’t he see I’m doing this for him?

I hold up our intertwined hands and arch an eyebrow. “Thick as thieves, huh? We’ll see, Freckles. For now let’s see if Ben can apologize to Mal without her having a meltdown. She’s been under a lot of stress.”

I can tell Carlos sees I’m avoiding the subject, but he doesn’t press on. Instead we keep walking and catch up with the others, who are watching Ben wander around aimlessly and oblivious as he greets random strangers.

“Um, Ben? I’m no expert at being a villain but you’re sticking out like a really sore thumb right now.”

“This isn’t a parade, it’s the Isle!” Evie hisses.

Jay nods. “Keep your hands in your pockets unless you’re stealing.”

“Either slouch or strut,” Carlos points out.

“And never, ever smile,” Evie warns, then turns to me. “But you can, Magica. You’re a Sanderson, and it’s well-known that you guys like to cause chaos. You seem to be fitting in fine on your own, no doubt Mal’s taught you some things.”

I make a confused grimace. “Um, thanks? Not sure if that’s an advantage or an insult.”

“You’re a VK. It’s in your blood, trixie.” Jay pats my shoulder.

“Alright, thanks-” Ben goes to say.

“No, no thank-yous! And drop the pleases, just… chill,” Evie says with a smirk.

“Let me tell you something you can really trust

Everybody's got a wicked side.

I know you think that you could never be like us,

Watch and learn so you can get it right!”

The 3 VKs strut forward and begin to give the demonstration:

“You need to drag your feet.

You need to nod your head.

You need to lean back,

Slip through the cracks.

You need to not care.”

“Uh, you need to not stare,” Carlos snickers.

“You need a whole lotta help.”

“You need to not be yourself,” Evie points out.

“You wanna be cool?

Let me show you how.

Need to break the rules!

I can show you how.

And once you catch this feeling,

Yeah, once you catch this feeling,

You'll be chillin', chillin', oh.

Chillin' like a villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like, hey! A villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like a villain. Hey!

Chillin' like, chillin' like, hey! A villain.”

I think I’m getting the hang of it, and when I look back at Ben it’s hard not to laugh at his pathetic dancing! Evie sees it too and she points a scolding finger at him.

“You draw attention when you act like that.

Let us teach you how to disappear!

You look like you would lose a fight to an alley cat.

You gotta be wrong to get it right 'round here. Mer-ow!”

“You need to watch your back,

You need to creep around.

You need to slide real smooth.

Don't make a sound.

And if you want it, take it,

And if you can't take it, break it!

If you care about your health,”

“Seriously, you need to not be yourself,” Evie stresses.

“You wanna be cool?

Let me show you how.

Need to break the rules.

I can show you how.

And once you catch this feeling,”

Yeah, once you catch this feeling

You'll be chillin', chillin', oh

Chillin' like a villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like, hey! A villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like-”

Ben shrugs.

“I really wanna be bad a lot

And I'm giving it my best shot

But it's hard being what I'm not.”

Carlos cocks an eyebrow. “Well if you don't, you're gonna get us caught.”

Evie nods.

“He's right, we gotta stay low-key,

Now show us how bad you can be.

“Like this?” Ben puts on a pair of sunglasses.

“Like this?” He holds up Carlos’ stolen phone. How’d he get that?

We all smile and give him a thumbs up, and now Ben’s starting to smile.

“Oh yeah, I think I got this.

Let's go, I'm ready to rock this!

And I ain't gonna thank you for your help

I think I found the worst in myself!”

Now we all join in and strut through the street as if we own the place.

“You wanna be cool?

Let me show you how

Need to break the rules

I can show you how

And once you catch this feeling

Yeah, once you catch this feeling

You'll be chillin', chillin', oh.

Chillin' like a villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like, hey! A villain. Chillin'!

Chillin' like a villain. Hey!

Chillin' like, chillin' like, hey! A villain.”

Ben keeps walking ahead, still thinking about the VKs Villain 101.

“You should show that to FG,” I snicker at Carlos. “She might include it in Evil Stranger Awareness Day.”

We start walking towards Mal’s apartment when Ben accidentally knocks into another VK. Great, Ben. Real finesse!

“Hey, I know you!” The guy says with a grin. His unique features include a gray bandanna and a belt wrapped across his chest. The 3 VKs get concerned looks, so I can already tell this guy is bad news. But at least he doesn’t look as bad as that Hook guy.

Ben tries to play it cool. “Um, don’t know you, man.”

“Aw, c’mon! I’ll give you a hint: my dad is quick, slick, and his neck is incredibly thick!” He points to a poster with Ben’s face and waits for us to catch on, but we don’t. I’m still new to this whole Isle, and I’ve got no clue who this guy is!

But our delayed response has given the new VK enough time to recognize us. “Oh! You’re King Ben!”

I step in front of Ben and start shoving him down the alley. “No he’s not!”

“Jay? Carlos? Evie? Hey guys!” He calls from behind, but we keep ignoring it. “Ooh, Uma’s gonna love this!”

Uma? Uh-oh. I’ve got a feeling I’m sooner or later going to meet this ‘Uma’ character, and I can only hope it’s on halfway-decent terms.

We get to the stairs leading to Mal’s apartment and Ben gives us one last look of hope. “Wish me luck.”

“All the way up,” Jay points.

Ben climbs up, leaving us to wait at the bottom. But I can’t help it- my witch curiosity is getting the best of me. Looking around I see all kinds of signs and shops, with every alley buzzing with activity!

“Guys, I think I’m just gonna wander off a bit-”

“No, no! Bad idea, Magica,” Carlos gabs my hand and pulls me back.

“He’s right, trixie. Just because you’re a VK doesn't mean you’re safe here. You’re still a goody-goody to all the others here.”

My eyes narrow and I start sulking away. “I’ll decide just how evil I’m willing to become. Remember I came here for a reason, and so far this place has accepted me far better than Auradon ever will.” I give Carlos one last look, a mix of bittersweet and acceptance. “I’ll be back later. Inform me if anything changes with Mal.” I pull my hood up and lurk away into the shadows, and keep at a steady pace until I realize Binx is following me. “No use trying to talk me out of this, Thackery. My mind is made up: I’m staying here. I’m a VK, why fight it? If Auradon won’t accept me, this place will.”

Binx paws at my skirt. “Magica, this place is built for evil people. You shouldn’t have to feel that you have to resort to this bewitched prison as a home, if you can even call it that. Just because people might think you’re your mother doesn’t mean it’s all worthless-” “Oh really?” I chuckle darkly. “Did Carlos tell you he’s asking Jane to the dance?” I’m met with silence. “Yes, he… replaced me. Typical for any man who gets involved with a Sanderson, rinse and repeat. In Fate’s eyes I don’t seem to deserve love or happiness, so I’m gracing Carlos with my absence so I don’t ruin his.”

Binx doesn’t say anything, to which I am really grateful. We keep walking until we round a corner to a shop with a sign that says: Mad As A Hatter Tea Shoppe. My common sense already tells me this place must belong to the Mad Hatter, but I’m in the mood to let loose and be a little crazy so I enter anyway.

“I think I can handle it from here, Binx. You go back to the others.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “Yes. For now I’d like to try to forget my problems, and this seems like the place to start.”

Inside there are multiple tablets decorated with various tea sets. Multiple species of flowers are placed around the ceiling, which is painted with clouds to look like a sunny sky. The floor is checkered unevenly in black and white. The shoppe is mostly empty, aside from a few VKs at a booth and a purple and blue-haired girl behind a tall counter. She’s wearing a purple and blue skirt to match her hair, tall gold heels, polkadot leggings, and a tiny hop hat. When she looks up from the counter and notices me, her face lights up in an almost insane smile.

“Wait a tick! You’re Magica Sanderson! Oh I’ve heard so much about you!” She scurries out from behind the counter waving her arms and then stops to stare at my face.

“Um…” I shift awkwardly. “Good things, or bad things?”

She pumps her fists up. “All kinds of things! Hickory dickory cow says moo, it’s crackers to meet you!”

My face twists between a smile and a frown. “Uh, what?”

“It’s Riddleish! Only mad people can speak it, unless you cast a Babble Spell. Have you ever gone just a little bit mad?”

Oh! I get it now. I must admit her energy is catchy.

“Sometimes, though I doust not believe I wouldst ever compare to thy madness. My tongue consists of more olde English. Since thou already recognize me, whom art thou?”

She does a little twirl and giggles. “I’m Madeline Hatter, daughter of the Mad Hatter! Call me Maddie! Dad had me sent here to run a tea shoppe! It’s not as wonder-tastic as the one at home, but no magic means no fun. Unfortunately I got stuck when they cast the barrier on the Isle, but where better to find madness than here, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I used to go to Ever After High! It’s a different fairytale universe! You have to step through an enchanted mirror and everything!”

Different universe? Fairy Godmother never said anything about that.

“Oh, goodness! I never knew there were other worlds, but I guess it makes sense-”

“Right! And then there’s Monster High, Wonderland, Neverland, the whole hat’s worth! Oh, hold that mind doodle!” At the sound of a tea kettle, Maddie scoots back to a backroom and rushes back with a tray of cups full of steaming tea. “Sit! Try this new brew I concocted!”

Before I can respond, Maddie pushes a teacup into my hand and waits with a giddy smile.

I don’t want to be rude to my potential new friend. Please don’t be spelled, please don’t be spelled…

I take a sip, and the tea is… actually really good. “My compliments, Maddie. This is wonderful!”

“Hat-tastic! I was hoping the tulip tea would turn out!” Tulips? “Hmm…” Maddie suddenly looks me up and down with an intense twisted face. “You seem half-empty. What can you do to make yourself half-full?”

Instantly, my head starts to panic. How can I simply tell this girl I just met my entire life’s problems? I’ve already involved too many people only to be betrayed or forgotten. Then again… Maddie doesn’t seem like any other person I’ve met.

“So basic summary: half VK half Auradon, tried to hide my witch heritage, thought I found my true love, had a mental breakdown, thought I’d try keeping my distance and make myself a better person only to be put on Auradon’s most-wanted list and had my true love replace me with someone else. Um… that about sums it up.”

The whole time Maddie keeps an insane grin on her face and hangs on to my every word.

“Huh. It seems to me like you’re trying to decide between singing the maiden’s tale or flying the witch’s broom.”

I sigh and take another sip of tea. “I’m just sick and tired of running and being ashamed of being someone I’m not, but I don’t want to just lose control again and prove everyone right.”

Maddie stirs her tea and babbles: “Can the musical chair change its tone when the tablet of granite is inscribed with a bone?”

“Um… sorry that’s way too much Riddelish for me to go on.”

She chuckles with her eyes crossed and tilts her head side to side. “I mean, sometimes our destinies aren’t exactly what we want, but we can always change them.”

Just the door opens and the bell rings, signaling a new patron entering the Shoppe.

“Bold to assume, ah, and now I see we have a visit from Uma!” Maddie chatters on and waves to the new guest behind me.

“Wait. Did you say-? Ah!” Out of nowhere a sack is thrown over my head and I feel my hands being bound behind me.

“Jack Horner pie touch the sky! I never expected a kidnapping to ever happen here!” I hear Maddie say.

“Foolish mortals! Thou shalt regret the day thou tempted to cross me!” I try to shout.

“Yeah yeah, shut up. I’ve got big plans for you,” A girl’s voice says from across the room.

What have I gotten myself into now?

(BTW I decided to add Maddie to this because I can't imagine another version of the Mad Hatter's daughter ever replacing her, she's just so wonderfully perfect!)

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fishthegenderwitch · 2 years ago

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EATING.

So I’ve been struggling to make/follow some sort of an eating routine for about 20 years. I’ve researched this topic til my eyes bled [not literally], and I’ve tried many different [usually too complicated] ways of eating ‘enough food’. Last year I started the process again, only this time, I wrote out a list of food I actually like eating. Then, I figured out (this week) what groups those foods fall into, and how many of each I have to eat to just... be healthy and feel good.

Once I figured that out, I learned what a serving portion is, because LEMME TELLYA, I have not been doing that correctly. A serving size, for me, was however much I could stuff in til I didn’t have any left.

Going back to all those years of trying, I made SO MANY CHARTS. I tried like 5 different apps, doing different things, and generally not really feeling like I was doing it for me; I was reporting to some faceless AI that kept trying to get money from me. I’d make these beautiful charts with precise lines and pretty fonts and wonderfully artful crafted images... and not much of it worked.

Tonight I said Fuck this, and I scribbled out this thing

I got my fruits, veg, fortified soy, grains, water, and weekly proteins on there. I filled in what I ate today (I’ve since had 2 more cups of water). I’ve eaten more today than I’ve been eating daily for the past 4 YEARS AT LEAST... and I still haven’t made it up there. Baby steps. I’m not sure if/how I’m going to keep track of when I succeed at having all the food and water I should be in a day, but for now, I am doing Something. IDK if this will stick, IDK if this will WORK. But for now I’m trying and this seems the closest to succeeding.

I think I gotta set myself a goal. Like... 90% of my daily food intake for a month or something to start with. I’ll work on that later.

Even if it’s just like this for the next forever. I’m gonna be okay.

#food #health #personal growth #food chart #even if I don't track this beyond colouring it every day #it's closer than I've gotten to success #so much food in a day #it seems excessive #this is the lower end of my personal scale too #might be why my bod holds every scrap #I just wanna have energy and feel good #bodies are weird

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fahrni · 8 months ago

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Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

We had a lot of fun this week tracking down a bug in the project I’m working on. It was exposed by slow server response, which was because the service had grown. So the bug was icky. Once we tracked it down on the client side we were able to fix it up pretty quickly. I love doing stuff like this! Finding and fixing bugs is part of any developers job along with writing code.

I hope you enjoy the links.

Natalie Venegas • Newsweek

Documentary filmmaker Ken Burns' rare warning during a commencement speech about former President Donald Trump, sparked outrage from supporters of Trump’s Make America Great Again (MAGA) movement this weekend.

People are right to continue to warn us all of the dangers of electing Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump to the Presidency.

Anyone who reads this site — thanks to both of you — knows I’m a Liberal Democrat suffering from “The Woke Mind Virus.” 😃 So of course I think a man set on destroying Democracy as we know it is dangerous.

Noah Kirsch • The Daily Beast

Now, former board member Helen Toner is explaining her decision. In a new podcast interview, the artificial intelligence researcher blasted Altman’s lack of transparency and said the board was kept in the dark about key decisions. She accused Altman of “withholding information, misrepresenting things that were happening in the company, [and] in some cases outright lying to the board.”

AI will continue to be controversial and it looks like Sam Altman will be the poster boy for the controversy, at least in the short term.

Keeping a full commercial product rollout from the board seems like a bad idea, doesn’t it? No wonder they fired him.

Mark Tyson • Tom’s Hardware

Popular TechTuber Jeff Geerling has delivered an updated take on the old chestnut about the relative merits of pigeon-based vs internet data transfers.

TL;DR - Data delivery by pigeon is still faster than the internet. 🤣

Kelly Crandall • Racer

In a joint statement issued Tuesday, Tony Stewart and Gene Haas confirmed that Stewart-Haas Racing will cease NASCAR operations at season’s end.

This is a real bummer for NASCAR fans and the sport in general. Stewart Haas had a championship team not so long ago but it’s been a long time since they’ve seen victory lane.

They have four cars on the grid. Three teams field four drivers and it’s my understanding NASCAR is going to limit team size to three going forward.

In 2016 NASCAR switched to a Charter system. In that system teams purchase a charter from NASCAR to be part of the system. Those charters are expected to grow in value so a team would have more than physical goods to sale should they decide to close shop. They’re not cheap. Spire Motorsports bought one last year for $40mm. What will each Stewart Haas charter sell for? 😳

Tuomas Pirhonen - PDF

Writing an NVMe Driver in Rust

The link above is to a PDF for Thomas Pirhonen’s Bachelors Thesis. Rust has really made inroads into systems development and I’m happy to see it. Having memory safe code at the systems level seems like a smart thing to do, don’t you think? 😃

I’d be curious to see how much unsafe code exists in the various Rust OS level projects I’ve heard of. But, you gotta start somewhere!

When will Swift be used to build major parts of Apple’s OS level code? Or is it already being used?

Cocoanetics

I’ve long had a longing to have a Mac Mini as build server in my technics room. After Apple finally updated it to (now) fashionable space grey, it was a must purchase for my company.

I’ve had a hankering to do this very thing. I can see setting up the server much in the way we see here and trigger builds via GitHub Actions to start the process. Heck, I could use Xcode’s built in support for automating builds and kick it off right from within Xcode on my laptop. Yeah, Xcode has a decent enough build system to make it useful. Makes me wonder how much of it Apple is using for Xcode Cloud or is 100% of that custom code?

Anton Zhiyanov

If you work with sensitive data, and want to be 100% sure that there is no trace of the old data after it has been updated or deleted — SQLite has you covered. The secure_delete pragma (off by default) causes SQLite to overwrite deleted content with zeros.

TIL! I’ve used SQLite in quite a few projects, including Stream. I love it for local storage and still prefer it to CoreData, it’s just straightforward SQL. Anywho, I had no idea you could do this. Another nice tool to keep in the toolbox.

JanerationX

Doctor Who returned to TV recently as a “soft reboot” to attract a new generation of viewers. Yeah, okay, but the older generations didn’t exactly go away, and since I am a member of an older generation, I am qualified to say that the show sucks.

I think we’ve all been here when we see a big change to our favorite Television show.

Heck, I’m torn about continuing to watch The Witcher. Henry Cavil is The Witcher and to see him replaced just feels wrong.

Kim Zetter • WIRED

Two years ago when “Michael,” an owner of cryptocurrency, contacted Joe Grand to help recover access to about $2 million worth of bitcoin he stored in encrypted format on his computer, Grand turned him down.

You gotta love these hacker folks. At least he’s using his talent for good.

Viktor Petersson

My Home Server Journey - From Raspberry Pi to Ryzen

What’s up with two server based links today? Guess I’m just in a very hardware mood today.

This reminds me I need to setup my $99 Mac Mini I purchased months ago. It’s an x86 based Mini and fairly old but I want it for media streaming and another local backup system.

David Price • Macworld

Those who miss the days of full-time Apple/Microsoft beef will have been heartened last week by bold claims that the latest Surface devices are faster than the M3 MacBook Air. It’s fun to see Microsoft’s marketing department in a combative mood, but part of me wishes the company would stop trying so hard to show it’s better than Apple.

I don’t know that I’d go this far. Microsoft is just trying to lead the industry into an ARM focused world by attempting to create a new standard of PC.

I’ve been on the Mac, almost exclusively, since around 2006(?) and I love the experience from a user and developer point of view.

There’s still that part of me that loves my old development days on Windows. It was also a great platform to build on.

The new Microsoft Surface Pro looks absolutely amazing and I’ve lusted for one of these computers for years. Microsoft has proven for years and years a tablet/laptop can have excellent touch support and a full desktop class OS underpinning it.

It’s only a matter of time before Apple does it. When it happens all doubt around Apple creating a convertible will disappear and folks will think it’s the greatest thing ever.

Chelsea Troy

Each quarter at the University of Chicago includes nine weeks of instruction. In the eighth week, I ask students to submit questions that they would like our ninth and final session to cover. This quarter, a third of the students in the class submitted some version of the question: “How can I use ChatGPT to get ahead in my programming job?”

I know of a lot of developers at work using ChatGPT to their advantage. It’s not that it’s doing their job, no, it’s just another tool to get started with a thought.

Jordan Tigani

The intended takeaway from the “Big Data is coming” chart was that pretty soon, everyone will be inundated by their data. Ten years in, that future just hasn’t materialized. We can validate this several ways: looking at data (quantitatively), asking people if it is consistent with their experience (qualitatively), and thinking it through from first principles (inductively).

I’m not really into backend stuff like this. It seems kind of boring but it’s good to know some folks are really into it.

Declaring something dead is a bit strange to me, because it was never a living thing, but I get the gist.

I’m sure your mileage will vary but this is a small piece worth a read just to understand his declaration.

BigData, it turns out, ain’t all that big.

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actuallyrandompersondaily · 2 years ago

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woohoo successfully remembered first post FGDJSHAK

i’ve started a few daily things recently. mood tracking is the major one (and has been going on for about a month now super successfully, ios automations ftw), but this week i’ve also started taking st johns wort in the morning and evening (its a mood balancer, my dr and a psychiatrist i saw recommended it as a first measure, i’ve also started seeing a mental health nurse and am hoping to get on the waiting list for an actual therapist asap). somehow combining multiple daily tasks together seems easier for me? like i’ve been taking my meds every time i do the mood tracking and it’s. WAY easier to tie those things together than treat them as two seperate tasks i gotta do.

right now, im mostly hoping ive not bitten off more than i can chew. theres been a lot of bullshit going on in the past year for me, and i’m worried i’m like. overcorrecting, i guess??? but i’m going into the daily writing with the full knowledge in my brain that uni and my happiness both come first. i even mentioned to my best friend that i’ll count 100 words of essay writing as 100 words towards my daily total, even if i obviously won’t be posting them here (no potential collusion accusations for me fgdjskjank). I feel like i need a better outlet, and while some of the shit im gonna post is ABSOLUTELY gonna be trash/make no sense/never again see the light of day, i think i’m going into this with a better approach than the 2021 drabble fic. i hope some people stick around to see my daily bullshit, but if this just ends up being me rambling into the void for however long i keep it up then thats fine too.

#embers daily rambles

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strangernstranger · 2 years ago

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Secrets

Eddie x Fem Reader request

Summary: Could Eddie’s good intentions really be the downfall of you both? Tempers rise when reader suspects Eddie has been keeping their relationship a secret as a means to sneak around with Chrissy Cunningham as well.

Inbox is open for requests! ———

“What are you doing?” Eddie crept to the doorway, hearing the sounds of dresser drawers slam.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing my shit.” You didn’t spare him a glance, you just continued stuffing your belongings into a bag. Eddie shuffled towards you in utter confusion. He had just made it back from practicing with his band to find you in his room like this.

“HEY hey, why are you- what’s wrong, sweetheart?” Eddie’s brows pinched together with concern. “Talk to me. Please?” He gently placed his hand on your shoulder. You tore away from his touch as if it could burn you. Eddie’s face further contorted into a pained expression realizing he was somehow at the core of this. He hadn’t seen you since yesterday. What could’ve changed over night?

“I’m tired, Eddie. I tired of sneaking around because YOU don’t want us to be seen together.”

“Y/N, I’ve already explained it to you. If you risk letting people know we’re together, you risk everything. You-Your reputation…” He stammered, hoping you would finally just accept that this is the way things needed to be. He hated the thought of you receiving the same treatment he endured on a daily basis. Eddie’s skin had grown thick over the years but he worried how the scrutiny of others would affect you.

“Who fucking cares about a reputation!? Do you really think that shit matters to me? What matters to me is you. But you seem perfectly fine keeping me in the dark. A dirty little secret you hide in your bed every other night.”

“NO. It’s not like that!” He couldn’t believe you’d actually think that.

“Is it like that with Chrissy?” You stopped dead in your tracks, looking at Eddie for the first time since all this started. Your eyes burning holes through the man you once considered yours. You wanted to see the look on his face when you said her name.

“What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Chrissy Cunningham. I saw you two yesterday. You snuck out into the woods and she followed.”

“That must mean I’m fucking her then, right?” Eddie scoffed. “It was a drug deal y/n! She’s clientele.”

“Yea? Do you typically bring clients home with you?” You crossed your arms over your chest to conceal your shaking hands. Eddie’s doe eyes startled as if caught in the lights of an oncoming truck. The realization of how that must’ve came across settled in with the sinking feeling that he was moments away from disaster. “You opened the door and let her right in.” You sneered a smile, watching Eddie grip his hair at the roots. You thought you’d surprise him after his meeting with the Hellfire club. You never thought you’d pull up to see him bringing another girl home. You were disgusted. Eddie sat down on the mattress, racking his brain on how to explain himself, already feeling overwhelmed.

“Y/N…it wasn’t like that. You gotta believe me.” He punctuated the word as if it would drive the point home but you weren’t having any of it. There would be no convincing you. You saw if for yourself. “She was only here for-“

“It’s never what it looks like, is it, Eddie?” You cut him off saving his breath and your own time.

“Y/N PLEASE-“

“NO! Do you really think I’m so naive that I’d take any ol’ excuse? That you can just say I’m wrong and I’ll fall happily into your arms?”

“Will you just shut up and let me explain!?” Eddie shouted, clearly distressed. His legs bounced anxiously. His hands shook in his lap. You were irate. Heat flushed behind your cheeks. It was as if a switch flipped in your brain and you could barely contain your resentment anymore. You thought Eddie was someone you could trust. In fact, you were actually falling for him. It hurt you that he wanted to keep things secret. Still, you were willing to accept that if it meant you could have him. But the thought of him sneaking around with Chrissy Cunningham, the perky cheerleader, Hawkins High’s sweetheart, it broke you in ways you couldn’t imagine possible. Another girl. Another secret.

“Fucking cheat! LIAR!” You began tossing your clothes at him harshly, one by one. Eddie jerked his hands up to block the projectiles. He was growing angrier by the second. Angrier with every harsh word you spit at him. His breaking point was rapidly approaching. “You’re a condescending, lying, prick, Eddie Munson!”

“Yea? And you’re a jealous, fucking bitch!” He finally snapped, rising to his feet. “You wanna say hurtful shit? We can do that. You are so goddamn insecure, it’s pathetic. I didn’t fuck Chrissy. I don’t WANT to fuck Chrissy. I was selling her drugs! That’s IT!” His face was red. The veins in his neck prominent from the strain of yelling. “Can you get that through that little head of yours and cut the know it all bullshit already!?” You stood there dumbfounded. Eddie had never raised his voice to you. Your eyes began to sting with tears.

“Karma is gonna bite you in the ass, Eddie. And I hope to God I’m there when it happens.” You managed to choke out. The lump in your throat grew with each passing second.

“Do you really think that little of me?” Eddie’s voice wavered, pained by your distrust. “You really think I’d spend every second with you I could, introduce you to my friends, give you a key to my house if I was just using you? Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N!”

Your body vibrated, tears you tried so desperately to stave off finally breaking free. You wanted to believe in him, but you saw it with your own eyes. Could you really have misread things so gravely or was it all a lie? You couldn’t answer him.

“If that’s really how you feel, then GO! HERE, I’ll help you pack!” Eddie grabbed the remainder of your clothes and furious stuffed them into your bag before tossing it to the floor. “Just get the fuck out of my house.” He turned his back to you, running his hands through his hair. His vision blurring with unshed tears he didn’t want you to see. You choked back your sobs as you picked up the bag. You spoke no goodbye. You couldn’t even if you wanted to.

———

You cried the entire drive home, catching glances of your glossy, bloodshot eyes in the rear view. The possibility that you were wrong dug deeper and deeper with every mile that passed. The further from Eddie you drove, the harder his words hit. They played on a loop in your head. You weren’t sure who fucked it all up, you or Eddie but there was no saving it now. No taking back what was said.

Meanwhile Eddie sat in silence, fully taking in your absence. Empty hangers in his closet where your clothes used to be. A vacant space on his nightstand where you used to keep your books. The ones he’d beg you to read to him as he was falling asleep. How could you think he would touch another girl? You were all he ever wanted. The more he thought on it, the worse he felt. You thought he was ashamed of you when truthfully, you were the best thing about his life. He was only trying to protect you. Keeping things a secret was meant to shield you from the cruelty of others. But then he turned around and hurt you worse than anyone else could manage. What you needed was reassurance. Instead he berated and belittled you for being genuinely hurt. He dropped his head into his hands, holding back tears. He had to find a way to fix this but he was sure you wouldn’t talk to him again. Not after what he said. He thought on it all night. Time was abundant since sleep was scarce. Every time he’d close his eyes to rest, he’d see your face. Eyes red. Broken. Betrayed. You two needed to talk about it, but that would take some convincing of course…

———

You dragged yourself out of bed. You combed your hair and brushed your teeth like you always did. You followed the same monotonous routine you followed every morning before school. But things felt heavier than usual. There was a weight on your shoulders, waiting for the perfect moment to break you. Still, you sucked it up and caught the bus. Staying home only meant you’d dwell on things.

Eddie’s chair was empty during first period which wasn’t entirely uncommon but given the events from the night before, you wondered why. Would seeing you break his heart or just piss him off? It was all for the better. Seeing him would collapse the collected veneer you were trying so desperately to uphold. You tried putting Eddie out of your mind to the best of your ability and focusing on your assignments.

Back at Eddie’s, the numbers on the clock blinked red ‘10:07AM’

“SHIT! SHIIIIT!” He had overslept after finally drifting off around 4AM. He discarded his blankets in a flourish and launched himself off the bed, clumsily stepping into whatever jeans were closest to him. He rushed down the steps of his trailer, making a b-line for his van. He had to make a little stop before heading to the school…

He burst through the cafeteria doors, practically breathless. A few students jumped in surprise. Others rolled their eyes, assuming he was up to his usual antics.

“Y/N?” An unintentional shout. The room went silent. Eddie zeroed in on your almost immediately. Your heart beat quickened, eyes locked with his as he made his way to you. You hardly noticed that everyone else was staring as well, watching the scene unfurl. Your eyes drifted to the hand Eddie held behind his back, revealing a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “They’re uh- they’re for you.” Your eyes shined bright with disbelief, on the verge of tears. Words escaped you, so Eddie continued on. “I don’t really know what flowers are good, so I tried to get your favorite colors instead.” Eddie’s smile was nervous, but hopeful. He reached the bouquet out to you. You lightly touched petals colored in violet and magenta. He remembered?

“Th-thank you?” You couldn’t help but smile at the gesture although you were still taken aback by it all. This was Eddie’s first public display of affection which of course garnered an audience for the two of you. Your eyes darted around the room, hearing whispers from the other students. You glanced over to Chrissy, curiosity getting the better of you. There she sat with dreamy, bright eyes. As if she were watching a scene from a televised romance. She looked happy. Happy for you. Happy for Eddie. Not at all like a scorned lover or a burned out flame. Eddie took your hand in his.

“Can we please talk?” His doe eyes melted away at the animosity you felt just earlier.

“Looks like the Freak got himself a girlfriend.” Jason jeered from the jock’s table, laughs following.

“Maybe somewhere a little more private?” Eddie sighed, not even phased by the attention. It was new to you but already insignificant.

———

You followed Eddie out to the football field. The spring air was cool but the sun provided just enough warmth. You sat together on the bleachers. You stared at your shoes while Eddie fumbled with his rings.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He grumbled. He dipped his head low enough that his hair concealed his face. “I just couldn’t believe you’d actually think I would even look at someone else the way I look at you. I promise you, y/n, I swear on my life, we were just making a deal. She asked for something stronger while we were in the woods. I-I didn’t have it, it was back at my place. She caught a ride with me, I gave her the stuff and I drove her back home. That’s all it was.”

“I believe you, Eddie. I’m sorry I freaked out. I feel like such an asshole now.” A tear slipped down your cheek, embarrassed by your behavior from the night before. Eddie lifted his hand to wipe it away.

“Hey, no more crying, okay? Everything is fine now. I don’t blame you for getting mad. I would’ve lost my shit if I saw you bringing another guy home.” You placed your hand on his knee. “Why didn’t you just tell me about the deal before hand?” Eddie huffed realizing that would've saved you both a lot of hurt.

“Um, because I’m an idiot? Selling drugs is a quick way to earn cash but it’s not really something I’m proud of, Y’know? I just thought it would be better if I kept you out of that portion of my life. It felt like I was doing the right thing at the time…but like I said…idiot.” He breathed a laugh, admiring your small upturned smile.

“Eddie? No more secrets. If I didn’t think I could handle it I would’ve left a long time ago. You gotta stop acting like I need to be sheltered from you. From your life. I want this, okay? I want you.” Eddie placed his hand over yours giving it a tight squeeze.

“No more secrets, promise.” He looped his pinky with yours. A subtle gesture the two of you often shared. “I’ll tell you everything. Y/n, I was never ashamed of you. Not for a second. The day you kissed me before that pep rally? I had to stop myself from running across the court and yanking that microphone out of Jason’s hands to tell everyone about it.” You laughed at the thought. “I mean it! No one else makes me as stupid as you do.” Eddie snaked his arm around your waist and moved in close, relieved you would allow him to hold you in his arms again. “But no more hiding. Tell me the time and place, I’ll be there to kiss you breathless.” He buried his face into your neck, smiling against your skin in between kisses. You pushed against his chest, laughing at the sensation. “There’s no one else for me, sweetheart. It’s you and only you.”

#Eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagines #eddie Munson requests

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hauntdoesthings · 3 years ago

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Bakugou x Sassy!Reader: Soulmate AU

A/N: Kind of trying a different format for this one, let me know if you like it or not

~~~~~

Bakugou Katsuki was infamous for his anger issues, so much so it was easy to imagine anything could rile him up. This was true for the most part, but there were few things that enraged him more than his soulmate mark.

Bakugou, your vibes are absolutely atrocious.

The six words that plagued Bakugou Katsuki's very existence were printed plain for any and all to see on his left wrist.

He could vaguely remember being excited to meet his soulmate, but ever since the tattoo had showed up, all he could feel for this mystery person was confusion and scorn. What the hell were his "vibes," and who did this person think they were to judge him for them?

His parents had no explanations and his friends at the time just laughed and called it stupid. So, he had taken to covering the nonsense his idiot of a soulmate would spew whenever they first met with either long sleeves or a bracelet or bandanna around his wrist. It wasn't too uncommon for people to cover their marks to keep it more intimate or because of something inappropriate their soulmate had said without thinking, so thankfully few bugged him about it, and those that did were sure to get anything from an earful of yelling to a limb blown off.

On the other, more optimistic hand, the strangely specific words made it easy for him to wait for his actual soulmate instead of wondering if every rando who said some common phrase happened to be the specific rando he was meant to be with. He had lost count of the times he'd seen Deku almost give himself whiplash at every "Are you okay?" he heard.

By the time high school rolled around, he could almost forget about the weirdo he was "destined" to be with. He didn't feel like going on some manhunt for them and besides, there was no chance they could be one of the losers he was trying to beat in this class.

At least that's what he first thought. The way he stared at one of the so-called "extras" on the daily begged to differ. He didn't know when it had started or even why, but he couldn't seem to take his mind, or his eyes for that matter, off of them. Neither of them had ever even talked to each other. They were one of the quieter students, always in their own world or silently observing, while he was known as the loudest and proudest of Class 1A.

Even if he wanted them to be his soulmate, he couldn't imagine someone like them saying something so...weird? Bold? To his face. Maybe it was for the best. Bakugou had always scorned the words on his wrist so maybe whatever stupid force was out in the universe pairing people up had made a mistake. He couldn't seriously be meant to be with anyone who would say something so nonsensical, right?

Whatever thoughts he had about his mark, they were currently forgotten as he had stayed in the classroom after school to "tutor" Kirishima, or more accurately put, scream at him for not understanding a certain concept.

During this scene, Bakugou's crush had walked in, coming back to retrieve a forgotten folder. Bakugou froze, his eyes widening in mild embarrassment at them seeing him this aggressive, even if it was with his friend.

They took in the scene for a moment before sighing and shaking their head. "Bakugou, your vibes are absolutely atrocious."

Bakugou stiffened more, if possible, as his eyes followed them to their desk. At their raised brow, he growled and stomped over to them, history lesson or whatever it was totally forgotten.

Most people would be terrified of an angry Bakugou, even more so if that anger was directed at them, but they simply stood there, unfased and unimpressed. This nonchalance towards his anger was one of the many things he'd found himself drawn to in them, so much so that he almost stopped in his tracks. Almost being the keyword.

Slamming a hand on their desk, he glared directly into their eyes. "Do you know how long I've had to walk around with that branded on my wrist?!"

They rolled their eyes. "Better than, let's see," they rolled up their sleeve and squinted at the words on their wrist as though they didn't have them memorized. "'Get out of my way now before I set you on fire.'"

Bakugou gawked as they rolled their sleeve back down and reached in their desk to grab the folder. He vaguely remembered that threat, but it was directed at Deku, before the entrance exam to UA! They knew for that long and let me just sit around totally clueless? Do they- Bakugou felt his hands shake as the thought crossed his mind. Do they hate me?

Seeing the gears turning in his head, they flicked his forehead with a playful grin. "Don't worry boom boy, you didn't ruin your chances." Once again he could only stare at them as they strode to the door before turning back to look at him. "Unfortunately though, I'm not just gonna drop everything now that you finally figured it out. You still gotta put in some work for it."

Then, with a wink, they were gone.

A grin grew on Bakugou's face. He loved a challenge, and if they realized that, maybe this soulmate thing wasn't so stupid after all.

This is gonna be fuckin' fun.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, Kirishima still sat there awkwardly, apparently invisible to the lovebirds, but happy for a reprieve from having the lessons beat into him.

#mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #soulmate #soulmate au

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frogcraftingg · 2 years ago

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Hey i really love your builds and stuff and i had to ask, How do you stay motivated to build? I’ve hit a real block recently and none of my stuff looks right or i can’t even start a build, any advice?

Hi dear!! Love your name btw, and thanks for such a deep question! I'm so sorry you've hit the builder's block- honestly that happens to me from time to time as well! As a creator it can be really frustrating to hit a wall with builds and not know where to go. These tips are generally what I do and sometimes they help, sometimes I just gotta ride the block until it's over.

Keep a list of projects you want to complete. You can do this for survival OR creative. I find keeping lists really helps me to stay motivated though I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I've got an entire iPad's worth of notes for my worlds. Before my iPad I used Notion and handwritten notes to keep track of everything I wanted to do! If you wanna see my lists / inspo organization feel free to let me know and I'll post~

Build something from a reference. Instead of trying to imagine it if you normally do that, open up a cool Sims house, art concept, video game screenshot, photograph, etc., and just try to build the shapes you see there into a cohesive thing~!

Try a brand new style! Sometimes to keep ideas fresh and flowing, I need to take off my texture packs and get back to basics- and building in a gothic or medieval style with different blocks than I normally use generally really helps me get the creative ideas flowing! If you're not really sure how to build that style, go find (and follow!!) a tutorial or browse online (YouTube, Instagram, MinecraftBuilds subreddit, Tumblr, Pinterest, etc.,) for some inspo!! Even if it's something you won't ever build again, sometimes just building the way someone else does can spark so many ideas!

Play something else for a while. This can be super helpful if you are stuck. Sometimes I get stuck because I've Minecrafted too much, and I need to take a day or sometimes even a week away from the game and play something else. But usually I end up seeing some kind of inspo from another game and come racing back to build it 😂 The days where I opened the game, got nothing done, closed it and was frustrated with myself though were harmful to my overall mindset so now I will just see how I feel when I turn my PC on. Feel like building/playing? No-> Alright, let's do something else. Everything else can wait. Videos can be released a day later. Streams can be cancelled. I need to do /something else/.

Switch up the game! There are many times I get burned out from building in survival so switching to creative where I can feel more free has definitely helped! But the opposite is also true, sometimes forcing yourself to gather the resources and really envision the build as you're doing it helps me!

Don't force yourself if you're not feeling it. I burned out hard on Minecraft building a few times trying to keep up with daily build challenges or posting insta reels/tiktoks. Wait until you're feeling how you used to or motivated before you actually jump into the game again. The longest this "recovery" period has taken me is about 2 months, in summer of 2021 before I started streaming.

Honestly the biggest one that helps me is #1, I keep track of everything I want to do and I save lots of different inspo. pictures to give myself ideas while I build. Now, I don't block for block copy stuff-but sometimes seeing a roof shape I've never tried before or a block palette that looks cool can be enough to help me. Overall, I've found that keeping track of what builds and projects I'm working on and ✔ checking things off as they're done has really helped me be more intentional with my game(s) and my time, and the less time I spend frustrated or feeling lost, the more overall I've not been hitting the block as much.

Wishing you the most luck!

#frog answered

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shandian-go · 4 years ago

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Reflections

Happy Wednesday everyone, and hope you’re looking forward to the long weekend! I can’t believe it’s been a year since I started this group order and I’m feeling a little sentimental so I thought I’d take some time to reflect in an actual post (instead of rambling in the tags like usual). FYI this is NOT a goodbye post - it’s just me rambling to myself and there’s no important updates or anything so feel free to skip :)

So much has happened over the past year that I don’t really know where to begin to be honest. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first started asking around to see if there would be interest in a group order and the way this GO has grown has honestly taken me by surprise. It’s probably been one of the greatest learning opportunities of my life and has pushed me to work harder than I thought myself capable of.

Before all this happened, I was living a very average, boring life - I’m not particularly talented or insightful so my fandom involvement was limited to hanging out with some friends in my little corner of the internet. As for IRL, I’ve always been surrounded by people who were smarter, worked harder, and more capable than me, so I never really thought of myself as the type of person that could take charge and shoulder responsibilities. Whenever I edited the ‘problem solving’ part of my resume, I’d have to rack my brain to come up with examples because the fact is, the challenges I’ve faced in school and work haven’t been all that special. The problems were (mostly) within my comfort zone and there was always a teacher or textbook to guide me.

That wasn’t the case at all with this GO and ever since the very first batch order, there’s been problem after problem that I had to figure out myself with no ‘how-to’ manual to follow. I don’t talk about it too much because I don't want to cause worry, but there honestly isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not trying to resolve an issue with an agent or seller behind the scenes. I remember learning about the difficulties with shipping powders in the first order and having to search for a way to ship it over. I also remember the panic I felt the first time a seller screwed up an order and the struggle to coordinate the return and exchange process. Every time an issue came up, my gut reaction was to imagine the worst possible outcome and I wouldn’t be able to relax until it was resolved. To be honest, I still get anxious whenever I encounter a problem I’ve never seen before, but it’s a bit more manageable nowadays (relatively).

My day job involves understanding how various businesses perform but as an outsider, I never really had a good grasp of what happens day-to-day because all I get to see are some finalized reports at the end of the year. It’s a bit like watching a recipe tutorial on 2x speed without actually doing any of the cooking. I knew - theoretically - how things should work but it was only when I got involved in this group order that I started to understand what it was really like being in the kitchen. In addition to resolving issues, there’s daily tasks to stay on top of, like tracking which orders have shipped and which have been consolidated, checking in with the shipping agent on packages in transit, checking for updates from sellers, checking store availability for limited items etc. etc. And when stuff arrives at my place, there’s items to sort, boxes to pack, labels to make and shipments to follow-up on as well.

There’s honestly so much involved just to keep things running smoothly and the work is far different than what I’d expect in theory. In theory, all you have to do is prep the ingredients, cook them and then make everything look all pretty on a plate. In practice, sometimes you run out of basic stuff like salt, sometimes the food ends up burnt and sometimes you accidentally knock over the plate and have to start from scratch - and you just gotta deal with it. As someone who’s only ever been exposed to the ‘after’ side of a process i.e. tasting that picture-perfect dish at the end, the change has been refreshing (and at times frustrating). And while cleaning up messes isn’t always fun, there’s definitely a sense of satisfaction when things do work out and knowing that you had a hand in making it happen.

I definitely fall under the Chinese/Asian stereotype of having had to learn a musical instrument as a kid. For me, it was the piano - which I genuinely came to love - and most of my adolescence was spent practicing away, playing the same pieces over and over again until it was ready for some exam or competition or other. I’m pretty sure this was the main cause of my perfectionist tendencies and it’s actually been handy for my day job, given the high standards and attention to detail needed to meet said standards. While perfectionism may have helped with staying organized for this GO, I think an important lesson that I’ve learned is that getting something perfect isn’t always feasible in the real world, especially when there are so many factors that I can’t actually control.

Failure - the opposite of perfection in my mind - was something I took very personally. I would often blame myself for not being able to avoid it - after all, when my fingers fumbled during a performance, it was my own fault for not practicing the piece enough and letting the nerves get to me. Failure was something I dreaded, which resulted in me putting a lot of pressure on myself to get everything perfect on the first try. Whenever I did encounter failure, a part of me would freeze up and it was always hard to stop myself from looping my own shortcomings in my head. But after dealing with so many issues for the GO, I think my mindset has changed a little - while I still get upset, I spend a little less time despairing and am quicker to start looking for a solution. I think I’ve also come to accept that the world isn’t my piano and I can’t will things into perfection with enough practice. In fact, the world will only pose an endless number of problems, but instead of getting stuck in the ‘why couldn’t these problems be avoided’, I’ve tried to shift more to a ‘how can I fix the problem at hand’ approach, and it’s actually been a pretty welcome change in my mentality.

For most of my fandom existence, I’ve spent 99% of the time on priv, emoting about whatever new fandom pit I fell into. I've mainly kept to myself because being known is a Mortifying ordeal and there wasn't much I could bring to the table anyway. However, the number of followers for this GO has hit numbers that are pretty shocking to me, and thinking about how many people might be seeing my posts is still kind of nerve-wracking. I've spent most of my virtual presence chilling under a rock so hanging out on public is still jarring to me.

Even as a lurker, I’ve seen the influence - both positive and negative - that accounts with large followings have had on fandom spaces. While I still don’t think anything I’ve got to say is all that earth-shattering (because I’m the same boring old potato as I was before), I’ve been more conscientious of the influence that I might have and it’s pushed me to think more about what I could do to make a difference. The November charity auction was my first attempt at making a positive impact and truth be told, I didn’t think it would get much traction. However, it far exceeded my expectations and I was very humbled and moved by everyone’s generosity. The Novel Club was another attempt at creating positive change - it was clear that there were barriers preventing fans from legally supporting the webnovels and I kept trying to figure out what I could do to help out. While I’m personally not behind the recent #SupportAuthors initiative, I’m so happy to see it take off and with every new Novel Club order, it gives me hope that this shift in fandom is here to stay.

These extra projects do take a lot of time though and unfortunately I haven’t been able to do more because there’s always so much work involved just to keep this GO going (pun intended). However, they’ve definitely made me realize how much good can be found in fandom and that the toxicity and drama that can sometimes spread like wildfire isn’t the only side to fandom, even if it may sometimes be the most visible. While I don’t think my projects have created change on a monumental scale, it’s so much more than what an under-the-rock lurker like me could have imagined a year ago and it’s been really inspiring.

I think I’ve joked before about how managing this GO has become a full-time job and the hours that I’ve put into it probably do add up to a full-time job by now. I’m used to working a lot of overtime anyway but it’s gotten to the point where I clock in to work on GO stuff the minute I clock out of IRL work and just...keep working until it’s time for bed. Weekends tend to be even busier than weekdays because I use them to catch up on all the GO tasks I couldn’t get to during the week, so there's not much time left for anything else these days.

This isn’t meant to be a complaint, but I’ve definitely had to push myself a lot just to finish everything on my GO to-do list, and there were many moments when it felt overwhelming. Because of how much responsibility is involved, I can’t help but worry about the GO constantly and it’s actually gotten pretty hard to take a step back and de-stress. My body has also developed the terrible habit of waking up in the middle of the night (which is the middle of the day in China) and I end up checking my phone and spending 30-40 minutes dealing with pressing issues, before falling back asleep.

Again, I’m not begrudging the amount of work involved nor am I trying to gain sympathy - I do this willingly and lots of people out there have to work much harder in roles they don’t enjoy. But I just wanted to be honest and the truth is, it’s been a really...exhausting year. While I’m fortunate in that I’m the type of person whose selective memory tends to forget the bad stuff and remember only the good stuff, it’s undeniable that running this GO has impacted my mental and physical health in ways that probably aren’t sustainable.

It’s still manageable at the moment though so we’re not quite near the end yet! But just to give you heads up, there will, eventually, be an end and I think I’ve mentioned before that this wasn’t meant to be a long-term thing anyway. I’ll stick around as long as I’m able to and will of course finish managing all existing orders before closing this GO, but at the end of the day, this was never my primary job and with pandemic restrictions lifting, there’s so many other things I’d like to learn about and explore.

Finally, I definitely don’t say this enough but thank you all so, so much for making this GO possible and for giving me the opportunity to learn so much over the past year. I know I’ve made mistakes along the way and many of you have had to adjust to a long list of changes, but thank you for your patience and understanding through it all. Thanks as well for the kind messages you’ve sent my way - I may not always have time to respond in detail but every message has lifted my spirits and I’m always grateful for the support. July will probably be another busy month given the number of packages that are expected to arrive but I definitely want to host some sort of thank you giveaway and will also try to sort through my own collection to see if another charity auction might be doable.

If you’ve read this far, thanks for sitting through this very long, very self-indulgent ramble. Hope you enjoy the long weekend and take care~

Mel

#for once there won't be an essay in the tags bc the essay's all up there in the main post lol #tldr i've learned so much from managing this GO and thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to do so <3

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the44thpilot · 3 years ago

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hi! I was wondering if you could maybe elaborate more on the parallels between Strahd and Dracula 👀 As someone who dm'd CoS and absolutely loved running it but haven't read the book Dracula I would love to see what parts the Wizards of the Coast used as inspiration :o (I know it wasn't just Dracula they were inspired by of course but its interesting to see what parts it did influence)

Hi!

So to preface all of this, my qualifications are:

- has never read Dracula before Dracula Daily

- has been a player in a CoS campaign for the past 2 years

So I’m only going by what little we’ve seen from Drac himself in these first few entries, but some parallels I’ve noticed (and apologies if I’ve already mentioned these in that reblog from earlier today but I find it useful to keep track of these all in one place) are:

- big fuckoff castle on a hill that’s known for being impregnable

- a country-wide reputation for being an evil evil man with evil evil plans

- is vampire

- has been ruling over the area for as long as anyone can remember and is an ever-present thought on each and every resident’s mind. Both Strahd and Drac are facts of life in their respective settings

- Barovia itself being a vaguely eastern-European setting / Transylvania being legit located in Eastern Europe

- the Wives Thing

- I’m not sure if Strahd can control wolves himself but Drac seems to be able to and wolves/werewolves are a persistent theme in CoS

Along with these, I’ve already started to notice some key differences as well:

- similarities in personality between the two are harder to pin down because how Strahd behaves depends entirely upon the dm. However, Strahd does seem to be, in general, more aloof and world-weary than Drac so far. In my mind he’s closer to Netflix Castlevania’s portrayal of Dracula than Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

- I haven’t seen any parallels to the relationship between the Vistani and Strahd in Dracula so far, but the night’s still young

- Strahd seems keenly interested in lording his power over the players by sending his cronies after them. I don’t get the same vibe from Drac, but again, it may just be too early to make that call yet

And that’s what I’ve got so far! I’ll probably post more of my thoughts on this as new entries come out. I gotta figure out what to tag them as…

#dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #my good friend jonathan harker #Strahd vs dracula #curse of strahd

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berryslimchance · 2 years ago

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Days 1-9

Imagine that, me with a late start. ANYWAY. Where to begin? I guess just stating what I’ve been up to and my goals. I made the choice to take control of my life and make a real change this year. I have a purpose and the motivators to get me where I need to be and I’m determined to lose this weight and become a healthier me before I’m 35. I’ve struggled with my weight and relationship with food a really long time. A couple of years ago I lost about 50 pounds, but life happened and depression beat my ass up a little bit so I teetered. This battle with BED (binge eating disorder) is a rough one and it seems never-ending, but we out here. I’ve been focusing on a bullet journal format to keep track of my goals for the year, but I also wanted to incorporate some type of daily reflection to help keep myself accountable and busy (so, Hi!).

For the month of January, I am solely keeping myself accountable for my calorie deficit. My current cut is a big one, mainly because I’m not exercising yet and I work 40 hrs. a week at a sedentary job. I was trying for 1650 calories a day for the first week and was having trouble meeting that and needed to add in more protein so I upped it to 1700 calories. Baby steps seem to bring me the best results so I start out small. I’m also trying to get back into the swing of meal prepping, so there’s a lot going on in my head right now as I create recipes and try to balance all my calories for the day.

During week one, I had a meal prep that consisted of 2 rotating meals for M-F and daily snacks since I don’t really like to eat breakfast. Snacks were yogurts, fruit, cottage cheese, and nuts.

Week One: Meal One

2 Trader Joe’s Sweet Apple Chicken Sausages

100g Green Beans

5 oz. Sweet Potato

Week One: Meal Two

4 oz. Trader Joe’s Carne Asada

1 cup Jasmine Rice

92g Roasted Broccoli Florets

As you can see, for the most part I’m trying to stick to a whole diet. I want to try and reduce the amount of processed foods I’m eating and the amount I’m dining out because it’s really gotten out of hand. As long as I meal prep, it seems easy though and I really like that. I created a “picking” grocery list to assist in grocery shopping and meal planning for the week. I’m trying to spend an average of $100/week on my grocery trips to help save money.

This week I took a little more time to look back on my mistakes from week one. I added more protein to my diet. Although, week one was a success. I lost 10.4 pounds as of January 7th. WOOOHOOO!!!

Week Two: Meal One

Perdue Grilled Italian Chicken

Bird’s Eye Roasted Potatoes with Garlic Butter

1 cup Green Beans

Week Two: Meal Two

3 oz. Lean Taco Meat

1/2 cup Jasmine Rice

1/4 cup Black Beans

1/4 cup Corn

50g Avocado

1 T. Salsa

2 T. Sour Cream

I purchased some Ghost Whey Protein....and OH. MY. GOD. The “Fruity Cereal Milk” flavor is the bomb.com, literally like drinking the milk after a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. This week I’m trying to have my daily intake be something like this:

Breakfast: Protein Shake with Fairlife 2% Milk +/- Coffee

AM Snack: 2 Hardboiled Eggs with Mustard and Pickle

Lunch: Meal Prep 1 or 2 +/- Fruit

PM Snack: Yogurt with Almonds

Dinner: Meal Prep 1 or 2

Late Snack: Cottage Cheese with Strawberries

This time I just gotta stick with it. I’m gonna show up every day and hold myself accountable. I’m going to take baby steps and forgive myself for bumps along the way. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Until tomorrow!

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sweetscenes · 2 years ago

Text

@wingingthenight asked: 📔for ecco from jeremiah and/or lois from clark? :0 !!

September 23rd, xxxx

Ever since I’ve started keeping this logbook to keep track of my leads, thoughts, and processes, it has unfortunately become a journal of a more personal sort. I’ve read somewhere or something that journaling can open the mind, but I’m hoping for the opposite. I’ve got a problem that needs to be solved, one that I can’t get out of my head.

An infuriating, frustrating, country bumpkin hayseed named Clark Kent. He showed up to the Daily Planet like he owned the place, and now suddenly he’s jockeying for my spot as the top reporter. The spot I’ve worked so hard for. Now all of a sudden just because he’s able to get the byline regarding Superman he’s the new darling. It’s cheating! Journalism is already such a boys club, I have to fight to get treated seriously. Now all my hard work is being taken for granted.

Yet what makes him so horrible is that he’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Nobody can be that much of a good guy and not be hiding something. He has to be concealing something beneath that farmboy smile and that tan that so many would kill for. I’ll find out what it is, he can’t be perfect. There’s gotta be a skeleton in his closet somewhere.

I’m no stranger to hard work, and with enough coffee in the pot I should be back to taking my spot from Smallville and uncovering whatever is beneath the muscle.

Lois Lane.

October 1st, xxxx

My pay has gone up substantially since I have started working for Mr. Valeska. I have no knowledge as to why, I am only doing what anyone competent would do. Judging from how poorly he takes care of himself, and how he seems surprised by the littlest thing I do... he had never had anyone competent. It is a shame, that such a brilliant mind must be hidden away in a maze. I have learned many things about my employer, ranging from his choice in alias to his preference in alcohol. Many of which I will not be detailing here should this wind up in less hospitable hands.

We were taught to never leave a paper trail, and I could very well not. It would be so easy to recall all of this information later. However, Mr. Valeska or Mr. Wilde, as he may prefer, is not ordinary. He reminds me much of a frozen lake. Cold and hard on the surface, stagnant, and yet there is so much life just beyond the hard shell. I supposed it is my job to fish that life out and dole it out in bite sized pieces to his associates. They are leeches and pigs, but what can you expect from businessmen?

Mr. Valeska deserves better than what he has received in life. I thought myself unwilling to devote my being to any one person. The only attachments I made the mistake of forming often died at my own hand. I was well aware that when I first signed on, it may not be forever. He needs me right now, whether as his errand girl or a crutch. That serves me fine. However, there is a deeper part of me that feels like I need to prove myself to him more.

There’s a certain joy I had long forgotten whenever he gives me a nonverbal acknowledgement. One that I find myself frightfully weak to. The smart thing to do would be to close myself off. However, I do not wish to do that. No, I think I will continue my services for as long as he shall have me. For he is like a great, big flame. That must make me his moth.

He calls me ‘Ecco’. I doubt he knows my real name, and I do not care if he does. I am more than happy to be his Ecco. Whatever Mr. Valeska wants, I will provide.

That is my job after all, it is what I owe to him for showing me how to breach my own lake of ice. He has carved open my heart, so I must continue on.

Isa

Ecco

*written in Russian.

#;wingingthenight #;star reporter - lois lane #;harlequin proxy - ecco #;asks #zoo wee mama that's a lot

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queenbrightwhitly · 4 years ago

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Ok so this is my first time requesting so please be patient with me. Could you please do a teen!reader where they are the youngest child of the Whitly family, and Malcolm is very protective over them because he doesn't want them to be hurt like he has? And when they meet Martin for the first time, Martin is asking personal questions towards the reader and Malcolm just cranks the over protectiveness to 100. Sorry if that didn't make much sense, but thank you for taking the time to read this :)

Haha, I feel like I should be asking you to be patient with me! Anyways I liked this idea and I hope it turned out okay...

Daddy’s Home

“Y/n, stop messing with your food!” Jessica said for the fourth time.

“This is so boring, why can’t we eat?” Slouching in her seat, Y/n moved her fork in between their fingers.

“We are still waiting on Malcolm.” Ainsley pipped in.

Rolling her eyes, she picked up her fork and started eating.

“Y/n!”

“What? It’s not like he’s going to be on time, he never is. I say we start eating now.”

“She’s got a point.” Ainsley shrugged, taking a bite from the plate herself.

Just then all three heard the door open and slam shut, Malcolm walked in the dinning room, quickly taking a seat next to Y/n. “Sorry, I got caught up with a case.” Malcolm loosen his tie.

“Big surprise.” Y/n mumbled under her breathe, making Ainsley crack a smiled from across the table.

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” Jessica smiled at her son. “Let’s eat shall we.”

Everyone started eating, leaving an awkward silence. Nobody seemed to have a topic of conversation.

“So, Y/n. How’s school going?” Malcolm started, not seeming to like the tension in the room.

“Fine.”

“Yeah, Y/n. How is school?” Ainsley dragged out, her voice was teasing.

“Don’t make me come across this table Ainsley, I said it was fine.” Y/n gritted their teeth, already annoyed by what she was trying to do.

Since Y/n never saw Malcolm as much as Ainsley, she knew more about what went on in her daily life. Although, according to Y/n it was more like being nosy then anything else.

This comment had sparked an interest in Malcolm, of course picking up on Y/n defensive behavior. “What’s happening here?” Malcolm asked.

“Nothing.”

“Y/n has a crush.”

Shooting a glare at Ainsley, Y/n tried kicking her knee from across the table. “Stop being nosy.”

“Is this true?”

Y/n turned to Malcolm, instantly recognizing the look on his face. His protective nature was coming out, looking rather annoyed at the lack of response.

“Whatever, even if I did. It’s not yours or Ainsley’s business.” Y/n shrugged, taking another bite of food, hoping someone would change the topic.

“Y/n, you know I could just find out, Dani is really good at-“

“Absolutely not, don’t even try to go there! You keep to your life and I’ll keep to mine.” Y/n got up from her chair, grabbing her plate she walked up to her room.

“Well, that wasn’t so surprising.” Jessica casually stated, taking another sip of her wine.

“Did you know?” Malcolm turned to his mother now.

“Of course I knew Malcolm.” Jessica proceeded to drink her wine. “It probably wasn’t a good idea to say your police friends would get involved though.”

Malcolm sighed. “They don’t tell me anything, I barely get to see them, and when I do it’s always one sided.”

“Malcolm, have you ever thought that maybe you being gone all the time is the reason you don’t get told anything in the first place?” Ainsley pipped in.

Malcolm leaned back, taking a bigger sip of his wine. “I’m not gone that much.”

Just then Malcolms phone started ringing. Gil. “I gotta go.” Getting up from his chair, he proceeded to make his way to the front door. His hand was on the handle when-

“I wanna meet dad.”

Malcolm stopped dead in his tracks. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“What- Why would you wanna meet Dr Whitly? Where is this coming from?”

Y/n shrugged. “You see dad all the time, Ainsley herself did a whole interview with him! But anytime I even try suggesting to mom about seeing him, she freaks out. I wanna meet him.”

Malcolm shook his head. “No, absolutely not, that is a horrible idea. You don’t need to meet him.”

“Look. I get it. You wanna be all protective older brother. But you fail to realize that I’m asking you to meet dad, I could’ve just waited and gone myself. Instead I’m asking you so you can come with me.” Y/n leaned against the wall, messing with the hem of their shirt. “I love you enough to tell you I wanna see him, but when the day comes and I’m aloud to see him myself, I will go alone.

Malcolm sighed, walking over he pulled her in for a hug. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. You got out lucky being so young when everything happened. I would hate to see that crumble.”

“You can’t protect me from him my whole life. I gotta face him at some point. Besides you’ve already done so much, even the whole change the last name.” Y/n teased.

“Alright fine. But you can’t tell mom. She would not only kill me but might lock you in your room forever.” Malcolm said.

“You got yourself a deal Bright!” Y/n took out their hand.

Malcolm smiled. “And a deal yourself, Bright.” Shaking on it, Malcolm left to go meet up with Gil.

A few hours later, Malcolm texted Y/n saying he was outside. When the car pulled up, Malcolm started his rules on things to say and things not to say. Meeting Mr. David was a treat, he was super nice and welcoming. However Malcolm kept going on and on, until they finally got to the front door of the room.

“Malcolm. It’s okay, I get it.” He nodded, but he couldn’t stop his hand from tremoring.

Taking a hold of his hand, Y/n smiled reassuring at Malcolm. “Don’t worry, you’ll be there. You always got my back.”

Taking a breath Malcolm nodded to Mr. David. Giving him the okay to open the door, they both walked in, hearing the loud clank of it shutting behind them.

Martin was looking though a couple of his medical books. He didn’t look up, but he knew they were there.

“Malcolm my boy! You know how I love unexpected visits! I saw the news, quite an interesting turn of events on the case. Please tell me how I can assist.” Martin swivel in his chair. When he turned around he stopped when he realized there were two individuals.

“Why hello there, who’s this?”

Y/n tried not to let that comment get to them. It would only make sense that Martin wouldn’t know who they were. The last time Martin saw them was when he got arrested, and that was years ago.

“This is-“

“I’m Y/n Whitly!” Jumping in before Malcolm could respond.

Martin looked shock, his eyes looking up and down until he settled on Malcolm. “This is little Y/n? My baby?” Martin asked.

Malcolm sighed. “Yes, this is Y/n. Y/n Bright. Not Whitly.”

Y/n rolled their eyes. “Hi, uh, sorry. It’s just- well I’ve never really thought of what I was going to say, I just thought I could make it up as I got here.”

“Oh my sweet child! You have no idea how happy I am to see you!” Martin walked closer to the line.

Malcolm still was holding Y/n hand, which then began to tighten. Instead of moving closer to Malcolm, Y/n walked closer to Martin, standing in front of Malcolm now.

“Really? I mean- it’s been so long, I just thought maybe you forgot about me?” Y/n shrugged.

“Oh, no!” Martin protest. “My sweet child, I never forgot about you! I’ve always kept you in my mind with your brother and sister, it’s just so overwhelming to see you all grown up. I’ve really missed a lot haven’t I?” Before Y/n could say anything he continued.

“I mean, there’s so much to catch up on! How’s school going? Do you have any interest? Oh! Let’s start off easy. What’s your favorite color? Favorite food? How about a boyfriend or girlfriend-“

“Enough!” Malcolm cut in. He pulled Y/n back by her hand to try and put distance between them and Martin. “This is their visit, they can take all the time in the world to catch up.”

“Malcolm-“ Y/n hissed.

“No, your brother is right. I’m sorry.” Martin smiled brightly. “Go ahead, you go first. What would you like to know? Or perhaps tell me?”

Y/n stood there for a moment, knowing there was so much to ask but not enough time for the whole day. They could start with a favorite color, or food, but that was just meaningless things. Instead wanting to ask something a bit more meaningful.

Looking back to Martin who was waiting patiently for something to be said. “Was there ever a moment when you thought you could stop?”

Both Martin and Malcolm taken back by this, but they continued anyway. “Like- did you ever think that you would get caught one day, end up in here, miss out on everything, and never see your family again.”

Martin sighed. “I’ve thought it once or twice, but I never thought I would get caught, or rather... ratted out.” He started to walk around his side of the room, his chains dragging. “I’m so sorry I missed out on your life Y/n, but who’s to say I can’t catch up now!”

“But you wouldn’t have stopped, would you... I mean Malcolm knew what you were doing, and you were going to kill Gil that night anyway.” Y/n stated.

“Maybe, but Y/n you have to realize, it wasn’t my plan to come here, your brother-“

“Did an amazing job.” Y/n cut him off. “My brother did everything that should’ve been your job, and he did it great.”

Martin looked a bit nervous now, fidgeting with his handcuffs. “Y/n, my sweet-“

“I’m not your child.” Y/n stated. “And, biologically speaking you are my father, but Malcolm is my dad, my brother, my best friend. He made sure I was okay... even when I ignore him.” Looking to Malcolm, Y/n smiled apologetically. “I thought coming here to meet you would help fill this hole of not having a father, maybe see if there was a chance that we could have had something. I see now that I was wrong, and if you would have never got caught, I would most definitely been worse off.”

“I know you are going though a lot of mixed feelings right now, but I assure you, I could be there for you. Give me a call, come by and visit, and you’ll see there is still a chance for us! We can still make this work Y/n. I can still be your father!” Martin encouraged.

“Maybe, but you’ll never live up to what Malcolms already given me.” Turning around towards the door, Y/n tugged Malcolm gently with her. “It was really nice to meet you Dr. Whitly. Maybe one day, we can form some type of relationship. Perhaps I’ll be proud enough to call myself a Whitly again, but for now, I think Bright suits me better.”

Walking towards the door, Mr. David opened it, moving to let them both pass.

“Don’t you worry Y/n! You’ll be proud to call me dad one day! I promise! Can’t wait until next time! Call me anytime! I’m always here for you!” Martin shouted from behind. Y/n didn’t say anything until they heard the metal door close.

Taking a breathe, Y/n leaned against the hallway wall. Their hands on the knees, thinking over what just happened. Malcolm squatted down in front of Y/n, taking their hands in his, he started to move circles with his thumbs.

“Are you okay?” Malcolm asked.

Nodding, Y/n looked up to him smiling. “Thanks for letting me come. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing out on much.”

Even though it was supposed to be sarcastic, there was still truth to what Y/n said. Malcolm leaned forward, kissing the top of their head. He pulled back and stood up straight, taking their hand in his. “Come on, let’s get home.”

Walking toward the exit Malcolm wrapped his arm around Y/n shoulder. “Did you really mean what you said? About me being like your dad? Also me doing amazing? Because sometimes I feel like I’m failing.”

“I know I give you a hard time, but I’m really glad to have you as my brother. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You made sure I was always okay, sometimes too much, but I knew the love was always there. Thank you Bright.” Y/n smirked.

Smiling, Malcolm ruffled their hair. “Anytime Bright.”

#malcolm bright #malcolm whitly #prodigal son #prodigal son fandom #malcolm bright x reader #tom payne x reader #tom payne #malcolm whitly x reader #my writes

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years ago

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So every member has been posting on weverse or Twitter lately, they've been coming on vlive. But Jk has done none of this. Do you see his social media absence as a silent rebellion against BH for them trying to hide Jikook or do you think he's probably just staying away for like mental health reasons or something.

Run that by me one more time???

Are you asking for my opinion on why JK might be absent from social media or are you asking me to choose between those two opinions as explanation as to why Jungkook might be absent from social media???

Is it for his mental health or relationship??? Lol. You are juxtaposing two extremely opposite theories so one sounds more appealing and plausible to highlight the other as outlandish and ridiculous. But that's a fallacy ma'am. Nice try though.

Also, the part about BigHit hiding Jikook...

I object. You is leading the witness sir/ma'am.

It's a little bit silly and presumptuous to assume whenever a member is absent from social media that the only possible reason I could possibly think of is that they are rebelling against their company.

Sometimes it's just a case of volition and personal interests. Sometimes you just don't wanna be social on social media. Sometimes you have work, family, chores, practice. Sometimes you've outgrown the space or lost track of why you wanted to be apart of an online community in the first place. Sometimes it's the toxicity and wanting to take a break from it for your mental health. Literally a plethora of reasons all of which could be valid depending on the context.

I try to give my theories context by sharing as much of my thought process as possible. It's asinine to strip those contexts away and present me with a skinned theory devoid of context.

About his mental health-

Let's try it this way...

Your first Ask: is there ever a moment I wonder if Jikook are just platonic brothers or something along those lines.

Yes. When they are not together romantically. I look at them and go huh... that's a very platonic hug, or interaction. I still uWu over their interactions though.

Cute. Next.

Is he rebelling against BigHit....

Why would he?? What's the context?

Do you think BigHit is making changes JK and the others might not be happy with in the company? Do you think the company or the members are interfering in his self autonomy and determination within the group or suppressing him in anyway in regards to what he says, what he does or who he does it with?

If so then him rebelling in that way would make sense to me because he wouldn't be the first idol to have used that tactic. A lot of idols do these and worse to assert themselves against their company.

If there's no such underling subtext then him rebelling makes no fucking sense to me.

Is he staying away for his mental health

Again, do you think he's been exposed to severe amounts of toxicity and hate online beyond what all the members experience on a daily such that he would need a break from the internet to rejuvenate like we saw around 2019? If so then taking a break for his mental health would make a lot of sense too.

But for someone who keeps reiterating how important connecting with his fans is to him, you gotta wonder how he strikes a balance between his mental health needs, his emotional needs and his professional deeds.

This is the last he was seen on Weverse.

Relatively recent I'd say. So when you say he's absent from social media which timeframes do you mean? They were all pretty much off the grid until recent times post PTD not just him. Are they all dealing with mental health issues or are they all rebelling against their company or something?

You have all these tiktok trends and memes he's been referring to here and there and incorporating into their freestyle dance- seems to me he's active online alright. Just not in the way we are used to them being 'active' online. He is fulfilling that need to connect with his fans just not in a way you'd expect. I can say same for Jimin.

Just gonna have to observe things for a while to form a definitive opinion. If you know what I mean.

BigHit hiding Jikook

Sigh. Sounds like shade when you put it like that honestly and so I didn't want to touch it but also I don't think anyone in Bangtan has had an out in the open romantic relationship with anyone yet💀

Show me RMs partner or Suga's girlfriend.

BTS are hiding their relationships gay or straight. If you can see it from that angle then I think the idea of Jikook hiding their relationship or Bighit aiding them or asking them to privatize their relationship isn't so outlandish and ridiculous like you make it seem. BTS are allowed to date, they are just not allowed to make those relationships public💀

If Jikook were heterosexuals and in different bands I think a lot of people would have entertained the thought. Hell people are convinced they are each dating female idols and keeping it a secret. People are convinced JK is dating Mijoo and keeping that a secret but him dating a boy in the same band and keeping it a secret is kapushkalava😌

Theories of RM married and raising a kid abounds in this fandom and people entertain the idea. However, because Jikook are in the same band and play out certain interactions in front of the cameras the thought that they may be hiding sounds funny in y'alls ears? Jokers💀

Most idols hide their relationships and are required by their companies to keep that out of the public eye. Jikook are idols ergo they are required to hide and are hiding their relationships be it with themselves or with others.

And yes BigHit does aid them in doing so when they issue statements about that "this relationship rumor is false" or when the members evade questions about their relationships in a way to insinuate they are single and not in relationships.

How Jikook feel about being required by the company to keep their relationships to themselves or their peers taking it upon themselves to enforce those company policies of private relationships is up for debate and speculation.

BTS wrote a whole ass song dissing the company and calling them out for having a no dating policy yet expecting them to write love songs and yet somehow we think it's ridiculous that Jikook who are part of BTS would rebel against their company from time to time over certain mandates? Lmho.

Edit:

This ask was sent in a few days before JK's recent VLive. I started answering it and let it go to draft because I felt it was pointless to answer it. Especially since a lot of my thoughts on this were regurgitative, abstract, and based on my own subjective opinion and assumptions about the boys. I feel I keep repeating myself and repeating the same things I've been saying over and over with these kinds of shady trolling asks. Sigh.

However, due to recent events that gives more credit to my thoughts and feelings on the matter, I'll attempt to answer it again.

In JK's VLive he said he noticed it's been a while he interacted with Fans which is why he jumped on the Live to see Army- if we take his word for it and at face value then he said nothing about his mental health ergo it can't be because of that😌

Tae equally said in his VLive he noticed the others coming on VLive and so he thought he would come too.

Now, don't you think they wouldn't have come so spontaneously if they were dealing with mental health issues or trying to take care of their mental health???

There was a time Tae was constantly online interacting with Fans and I think I was one of the few people out here who speculated he was lonely and wasn't dating anyone at the time- which he confirmed in Soop by the way when he told JK he being online constantly was because he was lonely.

Do you think he staying off Social media in recent times is because of his mental or that he doesn't feel as lonely anymore??

I stay off line sometimes for my mental health, sometimes too it's because I feel there are people and things in my life I've neglected and need to spend time with and pay equal attention to them.

Sometimes it's because there's death in the family or studies, or work or a film I need to catch up on...

As to the relationship between campanies and artists- in case you can't pick up on the subtle cues some of the members leave- Suga captures it so well in his Weverse magazine interview.

We made you, as long as you follow our instructions you will be good. Idols are expected to be subservient and sycophantic. As Suga points out it's a thing in the industry and it's destroying the industry.

As to whether or not you think BTS are fully and totally exempt from this harsh reality because BigHit is different is up to you frankly. As to whether or not you think this type of attitude from companies can create friction and tensions between them and the bands is equally up to you.

As to whether you think certain members in BTS are more obsequious than others, more rebellious than others is equally up to you.

In what ways they rebel is up to you too.

That's part A.

Part B. Lol

I answered the first part of this Ask based on the assumption you were being shady. But just in case you were not then here is an alternative response.

Like I said, JK is not the only member who's been absent from SNS in recent times. They all were at one point.

It's interesting how they will promise to come on Vlive whenever they have some to sell us and only recently started showing up on Vlive consistently when Permission to Dance received such mixed reactions from the audience.

It seems their disconnect from their fanbase and its subsequent consequences is becoming much more apparent to them...

For Jungkook, I think the members discussed his rebellious phase at the beginning of the year when they talked about him not posting for the members's birthday, how they expect his post for Hobi to be a start of something new and Jimin even said he was gonna cut his head off if he didn't post for his birthday- I don't think in all the times he didn't post for the members it's because he was grappling with mental health issues. It's just a post. It doesn't take more than a minute to wish your bandmate a happy birthday on their birthdays.

Especially not when he was posting relatively regularly on SNS but would go radio silent on their birthdays... Forget mental health that's antisocial and we saw how the members felt about that from the VLive.

Also, I think it would be insensitive for the members to expect Jungkook to post on their birthdays or for Jimin to hold him to such high expectations when they know very well that he deals with mental health problems or was dealing with mental health issues in those periods he didn't post for them- whoever says Jungkook didn't post for the members because he was dealing with mental health issues is a fraud. Yea I said it. If I ever spewed that nonsense out here then I'm a fraud too chilee💀

His other forms of silent rebelliousness has been in passive aggressive backhanded remarks aimed at the company and at times certain members. In my opinion of course. He won't do what he won't do and if he has to do it he will do it huffing and puffing and later chat shit about it during pillow talks at night with his boyfriend.

So I don't know what it is he might zeffbe rebelling against now. Like I said, being asked to tone down does not mean he can't Jikook. They are Jikooking. It's just on the low low.

And when you say he is reacting to BigHit hiding Jikook, you have to take into account if Jungkook himself wants to keep things hidden and private. Why would he rebel against something if it's what he wants too?? Know what I mean?

This is why I was talking about context. Jungkook of 2018 and 2019 is not the same Jungkook now. He's pretty much the same person, has the same values but he is learning and growing and that is equally important in the way he sees the world around him.

For instance, he wasn't one to think much about the future when he made certain choices and this is something I've talked about a lot in my blogs. Carpedium, make hay while the sun shines etc used to be his values but now he places a lot of emphasis on thinking about the future, being considerate and about how his actions could impact his future.

Those two mindsets produce totally different actions. One is likely to do very childish things, one is not. One is likely to be reckless, not very ambitious, and less serious, while one is likely to be thoughtful, calculative, intentional and less impulsive. He talks a lot about growing up fast but now it seems to me he's catching up with the times.

This is not to say he is a different person but more so he is becoming. He is learning and unlearning. He is not there yet but he is getting there.

If he wants to sit with Jimin, Vlive with Jimin, post on his birthday and not the others, if he wants to stand in a line up next to him but he can't then definitely he's gonna react strongly to that. But as it stands he is not doing any of that in my opinion- not that I'm aware of. Dude is living his best life out here.

I think I've said this, he is happy with where they are at now. If he is not we will know. That's when they ghetto jumps out of him. Don't know if I'm making sense chilee. Lol.

On the part of the company, I can only speculate to the effect that they are looking for various means to optimize and leverage the bands high demand. That they are trying to monetize their platforms and so restricting access to the boys is part of their mid pandemic marketing strategy- something I have been saying from day dot since the pandemic hit.

Like Suga says, monetization is a huge problem in Kpop and the Pandemic has only exacerbated it.

Showing up on Vlive gives us free access to the boys. As often as we would like to see them through that medium it doesn't pay their bills- doesn't pay much especially if they earn money in Won or whatever currency Naver uses.

YouTube is great. However it comes with restrictions and challenges especially with censorship- videos can be demonetized easily and willy nilly, You have to comply with Coppa and YT guidelines. There's CPM- whixh I don't know if it's high for BTS...

Then there's that whole breaching into Korea/China market agenda going on with them etc

Bighit is a business. BTS is not a nonprofit organization. I think the members can understand that much should the company explain to them why they all- not just Jikook- need to limit access to them.

Bighit made them and holds a contract over their heads. There's a certain amount of control they have over them yet a certain level of autonomy they reserve within such a transaction or business relationship.

Take Tae's appearance in Peakboy's MV for example. It's indication BTS does have a ree will to embark on such out of company adventures. There's Hwarang and features and all these side hustles they do...

Yet in the same breath they were at one point prohibited from taking photos with fans on the streets and stuff like that- I guess I should say allegedly.

If they want to VLive they will- as to whether or not they can VLive outside schedule is another thing all together.

As spontaneous as their VLives can be, a lot of them are scheduled too. So it's interesting how they all went MIA for a noticeable minute without the company officially scheduling these 'compulsory' Fan interactions via Vlive or even YT.

Let's not pretend they don't post sometimes on behalf of certain members. Let's not pretend that that doesn't happen💀

Jungkook showed up on YT grumpy and passive aggressive talking about that he didn't know he was supposed to do a VLive, he wasn't prepared, his hair was messy, he didn't know how to operate things- sigh.

Then he nagged us to death about the arts and crafts thingy... but in his recent live he said singing is all he can do so he sang and thrust his hips away- we can't be mad at that.

So if your question is whether I think there's something up with BTS and how they are interacting with fans or not interacting with fans my answer is yes. I mean that much is obvious...

Money is the root of all evil blink blink. Lol.

Do I think there's something up with Jikook and BigHit my answer is yes still- my theory?? Well I'm still observing things and hoarding information. Can't put out half baked theories you know?

I'm a professional ship delulu theorist and I take my delusions seriously😐

I can say this though, I think BigHit has a lot to lose now that they are a publicly traded company. They have investors and stockholders they hold themselves accountable to- how the fear of a scandal or the stigma of a queer relationship plays into all that is yet to be seen.

They are trying to mitigate that risk through strategic marketing and business models- separating BigHit under Hybe is one, their partnership with Dispatch has always been one. There's just so much they are doing we don't know and can only assume or infer.

If their recent interviews and line of questioning has taught me anything, it's that they are all well aware of our theories on BTS and speculations on their sexuality and if Taemin's manager can ask him or was asked if he was dating Kai to his face then others can equally speculate, wonder and ask BigHit directly if Jikook being the sticky ones in the group are dating fueled by all the fandom theories out there.

Rumour says Jikook is gay and are dating eachother. How Bighit feels about this, how BTS feel about it, how Jikook feel about it open for discussion.

There are those who just want to nip all such rumours in the bud and those who want to lean into it and and profit off of it because negative attention is still attention.

Which brings me to your question about Jikook, because I see you sent that Ask in twice, they sure as hell are goofy and dorky. Jungkook admitted that much in his interview.

They are the ones to troll the lives out of us and feed into our delusions of them. It's why most people dismiss them as messing with fans and playful and fanservicey.

So I find it interesting that the members calling them a couple because of their outfits isn't being taken as goofy, dorky, fanservicey but as a reason to further invalidate their relationship.

If you can't take whatever Jikook says and does seriously then you certainly can't take whatever anyone says and does concerning them seriously either.

I will answer the rest of it under the Ask you sent in. This post is getting longer already.

I hope this helps.

GOLDY

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