#i’ve been crying for Hours this is enough

[evie-sturns]

avoid - Matt Sturniolo

summary: when matt calls you out on you pushing him away, until a huge fight breaks out between the two of you. a couple hours later you find him a mess, you have no choice but to make things right.

contains: angst, crying, arguing, yelling, fluff, comforting, swearing.

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you didn't realise you were doing it, you just were.

you had accidentally been avoiding him and pushing him away for the past couple of weeks, there wasn't a specific reason but you just were.

9:04pm

i'm laying on the couch alone, watching some random romcom as i stare at the screen.

the floorboards creak as i hear matt coming down the hallway, his footsteps are heavy as he approaches the living room.

he stands in the doorway, just observing me for a couple of seconds.

i hear his lips part as he gets ready to speak.

"y/n..?" he mutters softly, his voice is weak and shy.

i hum quietly as a response, not even diverting my gaze away from the bright screen. i hear matt huff slightly, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

"what- why- can you at least look at me when im speaking?" matt scoffs.

"what difference does it make?" i mumble back, still staring at the television.

"makes me think you might actually give a shit about me still." matt spits, his arms fold over his chest as he leans against the doorway,

"pfft." i dismiss him which only sets matt off even more.

"why are you acting like this? seriously!" matt exclaims,

"why are you being so sensitive." i groan,

i know i’m being annoying as shit, but i can’t help it, i’m just doing what i can to tick him off.

matt just stares at me, his breathing heavy as i see him visibly start fuming.

“you wanna know what it is? you’ve been acting like a total stranger for the past couple months and i’m done with it, i’m done with you.” matt raises his voice

i stand up off the couch, standing a couple feet away from matt as i lock eyes with him,

“me? i’ve been acting like i stranger?” i laugh dryly, not cause this situation is amusing, i’m just in shock.

“yes! you’ve been treating me like crap for the past too long!” matt keeps his voice raises,

i point my finger at his chest as i walk closer to him, “you cannot be serious? i literally do everything for you? i gave up so many things for more time with you!”

“i didn’t ASK you to do that! nobody did!” he scoffs loudly, grabbing my wrist and yanking it away from his chest.

“so it meant nothing to you? clearly you’re not appreciating my love for y-“

matt cuts me off,

“don’t even. you’re trying to make me feel bad when i’m literally trying to talk to you about my feelings!”

his eyes are narrow slits now, his fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist.

“let me go, now.” i mutter angrily,

“just listen to me!” he spits, moving his hand off of my wrist to grab my shoulders,

he jolts me back and forth harshly,

“i fucking hate this new attitude of yours, you’re the most self centred bitch ever!” matt shouts,

his voice booms through my living room, making my heart race quicken.

“would you just shut up- shut up!” i scream,

matt shoves me back gently, not enough to actually hurt me, just enough to get his point enough.

“you’re just- you’re just being ridiculous?” matt mutters, turning on his heels and walking away from me.

“i fucking hate you! i hope you get that through your thick head!” i snap

i didn’t mean it.

not at all.

i was so angry, just doing anything i could to be mean.

i hear matt’s heavy footsteps as he walks up the stairs, followed by the door slamming shut.

i flop down on the couch, running a hand through my hair as i pant.

i don’t know why i said any of that.

(35 minutes later)

i’ve just been thinking for the past half hour, about things i shouldn’t have said, things i shouldn’t of done.

i’ve held back all my emotions, feeling somewhat numb, except for the intense feeling of guilt gnawing away at me

the whole house has been eerily silent, usually it would be filled with matt and i’s endless giggles, but it’s not.

i stand up off the couch, my legs somewhat wobbly and my stomach churning with immense guilt.

i need to talk to him,

i drag my feet over to the bottom of the stairwell, knowing matt’s at the top of the stairs, locked away in our bedroom.

one step,

after another,

i slowly walk up the stairs.

my heart pounds against my rib cage, not knowing what matt would say, nor think, when he saw me in the doorway,

the same person that just screamed at him, making him believe that i hated him.

i reach his door, my hand stalling on the doorknob as i let out a soft sigh.

i couldn’t bring myself to just twist the doorknob, my hand was lightly shaking.

i swallow harshly before twisting the knob,

i stand in the doorway, looking around the dimly lit room.

there’s a discomforting feeling in the air, the room is cold.

my eyes search around the room until they land on matt.

he’s laying down on the bed, his back facing me and his still.

is he asleep?

“matt..?” i call out quietly, my voice breaking.

i walk over to the bed, my footsteps light.

suddenly i hear him,

a choked sob escapes him.

he’s crying?

i made him cry,

matt’s never cried infront of me before

and i’m the reason he now has.

“baby- are you crying-?” i whisper, reaching down and brushing his hair away from his eyes. he shivers at my touch, rolling over so his face is buried in the pillow.

i quickly crawl into bed beside him.

“please- please don’t cry-“ i mutter, my tone is panicked as i reach for him.

i sit up against the headboard as he stays buried in the pillows beside me, letting out strangled sobs.

“please look at me- darling i am so sorry, seriously.” i speak softly, my voice just loud enough so it’s audible to him

“matt, look at me please.” i say, my tone shaky as my voice cracks again.

he gently lifts his face from the pillows,

i take the opportunity to grab him, and tug him to sit up beside me.

i run my hands through his messy hair, he looks like a wreck, i feel terrible.

his eyes are swollen, his lips are a deep red and puffy and tears roll down his pale cheeks.

i grab his hands, “matt,” i sigh, “y-you’re killing me.”

matt stares down at the bed, “can- can i have a hug?” he whispers with a small hiccup.

“of course you can have a hug.” i sigh, wrapping my arms around him and pulling his body flush against mine.

i hold him close to me as i lay down on the bed, his head buried in my chest.

he sniffs shakily as he just cries, letting everything out.

i can still feel the undeniable tension in the air,

we’re both so angry at eachother still, it’s hard not to be after argument like that.

“hey, it’ll be okay- we’ll be okay.” i whisper, running my fingers through his locks of hair.

he lets out another sob against me, the noise making my heart break.

“you’re gonna make me cry.” i whisper with a small sigh, holding the back of his head gently.

“sorry.” he sniffles.

i hold him in my arms, whispering small words of affirmation while matt slowly starts to calm down.

i fight back the tears in my eyes as i attempt to stay strong for him.

“could we- talk maybe?” matt sniffs, wiping his eyes on my shirt before slowly lifting himself away from me.

he sits up on the headboard beside me, his legs outstretched and his hands still gently shaking.

“i think we need to.” i nod,

we both sit in silence for a second, waiting for one person to start.

“i know i was-“ i start but matt interrupts me,

“can i go first- i just want to tell you… how i’ve been feeling.” he rambles, his voice cracking.

i nod, “yeah..”

matt starts,

“i mean it when i say you’ve been stupidly distant for the past months, everytime i try to initiate anything with you, i just get brushed off, all of our conversations are shallow and i can’t tell if you actually care about me anymore!”

i stare at him as he rambles, trying to take all of his words to heart without getting mad again.

“i love you so much, and it’s hurting me to see you slowly drift away from me, i just want to know what i did wrong..?” he follows on, swallowing harshly,

i nod slightly, my lips parting to speak but no words coming out.

“i’m not trying to push you away matt.” i whisper,

he goes to speak but i interrupt, “i think it’s just a mix of everything, i’m just so exhausted with work after half my coworkers quit, i’ve been working long hours and i don’t mean to push you away, i swear.” i ramble on,

matt nods slightly with understanding, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“i love you so much matt, and i’m trying to do better, i promise.” i finish,

matt just looks at me, before finally nodding.

he lets out a breath, one that i can tell took a weight off his shoulders.

“i’m sorry about the argument.” matt says,

i shake my head, “no i was being a pain on purpose, it could’ve been avoided if i acted differently.”

“i came at you with like a confronting tone- i should’ve approached it better.” he speaks,

“and i also shouldn’t have laid my hands on you, i didn’t mean for it to ever get physical..” matt whispers, his eyebrows furrowing as he breaks eye contact with me,

“it’s okay, i needed it-“ i try to defend his actions but he cuts me off,

“no- no that was a shitty thing for me to do, i feel super guilty about it.” he sighs,

the room goes silent, my heart aches as i try to apologise for that one thing i said, the 3 words that exited my mouth, which is now eating me alive.

“i’m sorry- for saying i hate you.. i- i don’t i swear, it wasn’t true at all i was just saying it to make you mad- i promise, i love you more than life itself.” i spit it out.

matt’s gaze softens,

my eyes well up with tears, “i shouldn’t have said that, i’m so sorry-“ i whisper out,

matt reaches his hands up to my face, his hands caressing my cheeks and his thumbs wipe my eyes quickly.

“no tears.” he gently coos,

“i’m so sorry- i fucked up so bad-“ i continue, but matt cuts me off.

he presses his lips to mine, his hands still firmly on the sides of my face.

he rolls us over so he’s ontop of me, keeping our lips connected.

i kiss back, distracting myself from the swirling thoughts in my head.

after a few moments he pulls away from my lips with a small ‘pop’.

a warm smile appears on his face as he peppers kisses all over my face.

i squirm with a giggle as his pecks kisses all over me, before pressing a final peck to my lips.

“we’ll always talk things out next time, i promise this won’t happen again.” he whispers comfortingly, his hands gently running through my hair.

i nod in agreement, “i love you.”

“love you too sweetie.” he whispers, before going back to peppering kisses all over my face.

-

@sturnsdoll @obvisturns @stupid4sturniolo @meerkatzthings @witchofthehour @rosalierenee43 @gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnnn @sturnioloxlver @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s @ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl girl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @jamiesturniolo o @chrisstopherfilmed @ @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees @certifiednatelover er @solarsturniolo lo @mattsenthusiast t @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @bitchydragonparadise @sturni0l0tripletzz @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @mattsonlybitch @justalittle47 @sunsetsturniolos

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[itsa-me-lily]

Hi hello, here’s a list of more Military Program Spouse.

This is based off of the suffering I’ve experienced at my own stupid choices.

Content warning;

Baby noises, idea of the supernatural, medical/disease discussion

Simon Riley, military lieutenant and member of the elite 141, had experienced the horrors of the world enough to fill at least half a dozen lifetimes. He knew what lurked in the shadows, waiting to snatch any form of life it could get its claws into. He knew what to expect from the world.

And yet he never expected to wake up in a fucking horror movie. Because why was he violently yanked from the edge of sleep by the sounds of a crying baby. As far as he was aware, there were no babies in this household, the…rodents not withstanding. But there it was, the sound of an infant crying rang through the house, so either you decided to partake in a late night kidnapping, or his new house was haunted. There was a possibility that the years of buried guilt and PTSD had finally caused Simon to lose his grip on reality, but he would always choose to disregard that possibility until he absolutely couldn’t.

So his brand new house was fucking haunted by an upset baby.

Simon didn’t know how to solve his brand new house being haunted by a god damn baby. Before he could debate his choices of an exorcist or simply ignoring the problem and hoping it chose to bother someone else, the sound was cut off mid cry. It was sudden and the muffled sounds of the pull out bed adjusting to a shift of weight filled the void the crying had left. Whatever was happening must not have been that frightening because a few squeaks followed what sounded like the shuffling of feet. Those not rats either had no sense of self preservation, or were the bravest god damn creatures on the planet.

Gettin up from bed he hovered by the closed bedroom door, slipping on his medical mask while trying to hear what was further going on. He heard you hush your pets, though what you were saying wasn’t discernible. There was more shuffling and grumblings, and he cracked the door open when the sound of a light switch clicked into the night. The living room was empty, the pull out showing all signs that you had been there once.

Sweeping his gaze he found you in the kitchen, hunched over the sink, the single overhead light there bathing you in the only ring of light in the darkness. You were fiddling with something in your hands, the only clues as to what the popping of a cap, a little robotic beep, and a click of something. He watched as you squeezed a finger and then tapped something against it. He was already through the living room and entering the kitchen when you stuck the offending finger into your mouth, staring down at the little device in your hand like it had personally affronted you.

In the daytime hours Simon would deny any satisfaction at seeing you jump upon realizing you weren’t alone in the kitchen. But it wasn’t daytime hours and Simon couldn’t help but feel a little smirk tug at his lips when your head had whipped up to look at him, he shouldn’t have to be the only one dealing with spooks in the night.

After what was, for all intents and purposes, a silent showdown, Simon nodded to your hands, his questions rumbling through his chest.

Diabetes.

You had explained that you were a diabetic, and the system you used to automatically monitor your glucose levels audibly alerted you if your levels decided to take a nose dive. Which would mean checking it manually. Okay that was fine. Another detail he would have known if he had actually chosen to read your file. He wouldn’t judge you for that. He would, however, judge you for choosing a baby crying as your alert noise. Sure it was affective at getting your attention, but he didn’t have to question the possible possession of ghost babies too.

He couldn’t help but glare up at the ceiling as he laid back in bed, pretty confident he wasn’t getting back to sleep anytime soon. Yes he knew staring at a screen was not helpful to falling asleep. Yes he was searching up facts about diabetes management. No he wasn’t worried about you or anything. He just liked being prepared.

He did have the fleeting thought about if he still had your file floating around somewhere on base though. Maybe taking a peek through it wasn’t the worst idea.

Edit

Listen the baby crying is very effective for getting your attention in the middle of the night, doesn’t mean it’s not disorienting as fuck. I hope you enjoy and as always feel free to send in an ask or something

[stillagoodwitch]

repeating the sentence “i’m a person” in my head to prepare for my parents visiting

[hana-bobo-finch]

actually gonna cry wtf is this battle. Ok yeah there’s a second phase that’s to be expected. Oh ok he fully healed. OH OK HE HEALED AGAIN. COUGHS UP BLOOD. I ACTUALLY HATE THIS THIS ISNT FUN AT THIS POINT

[seilon]

love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me

[hella1975]

basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

the struggle is real <- the struggler

[cybervom1t]

i hate getting sappy on main but i think things are actually gonna be okay, y’know?

[vcnom]

I could simply cry forever

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

honestly if all the people over my many years of living were in fact correct in their horrible horrible assumptions I was the most evil despicable inhuman person.

I’d still not care,

does the dog that bites because it’s only known pain evil?

Is the cat that kills a bird to show you it’s love evil?

is the plants that grow through the pipes in the ground cracking and puncturing them evil?

is the curious shark evil for taking a inquisitive bite?

Are the strikes that take the young and skewer them on thorns evil?

are the parasites that depend on its host evil for having no choice?

Am I evil or unsavory, who knows.

but if people wish to dehumanize me I shall make myself happy with the creatures you call evil, the ones who are scary and cruel the ones who hurt and chew and claw.

for we are one in the same, and I will happily accept that from you.

[skhardwarevers1]

that feeling when you want to post a rant/vent but it just feels like another attempt to get attention <<<<<<<<<(x one million)

[elysiumcalled]

I feel like i have to go on this work trip even tho I really don’t want to and I’m being pushed for an answer but no feels like I the wrong answer (not wrong for me but wrong to my boss) 😭😭 help I feel so pressured LOL

[callixton]

it is the second week of class and i have been up until at least 3 am multiple days

[placeinthisworld]

pls elaborate on how the brand became icky? im interested in that

ever since tn took a step away from taylors merch and branding, everything is a fucking cheap cash grab. quality of merch and customer service has been absolutely shit, yet the PUSH and constant limited edition/ only available here/ signed items that are ALWAYS brought back is just so annoying!!! UMG has made collecting merch so miserable it’s not even worth it anymore. The quality of a majority of the merch released lover- present is astronomically priced and almost ridiculous???? like who’s paying $25 for a metal keychain???? what about a set of four coasters?? but don’t forget you have to pay sales tax plus shipping, plus you have to wait 6+ months for all the items in your cart to ship (unless you choose ship separately, which is like $20+ extra to get your items shipped when they’re ACTUALLY available). It feels like Taylor is only on social media when she has something to promote or sell and it’s like I don’t feel like I’m supporting my fav artist anymore, she’s a millionaire and she’s Taylor Swift™️ now and not just like….taylor!! like I want to be supportive and I’ve built my life around this blonde girlie but everything just feels so icky.

like, they definitely thrive off of fomo and the cult/ hive mind of swifties :/

[rosesradio]

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[reflectionsofgalaxies]

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