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slytherinbarnes · 4 years ago

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Seasons Change [2]

ii. spring will wash what’s left of the taste (of you)

pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

word count: 2.8k

warnings: discussions of death, smut, language.

summary: a chance meeting in japan gives you the opportunity to take advantage of your arrangement with steve.

a/n: a little earlier in the day than normal bc today is a busy day! i hope you guys enjoy!!! the taglist for this series is open!

previous part // series masterlist // full masterlist

March 19, Kumamoto, Japan.

You walk along the street in Kumamoto, and smile as the wind blows a flurry of cherry blossom petals towards you. You shake them free from your hair and watch as they flutter to the ground around you like pretty pink snow. Spring in Japan is beautiful, and it’s a welcome change to the New York snow.

Your phone dings in your pocket and you reach for it, eyes scanning the message on the screen. You’re pulled back into reality when you crash into someone, sending both of you falling. The man hits the ground with an angry cry, and his suitcase hits the ground beside him, scattering the contents inside. You jump up and scramble towards him, picking up fallen papers and folders as you go. “I’m so sorry, that was completely my mistake!”

He seems unimpressed, but nods in thanks when you hand him the papers, and you help him to his feet with a flurry of apologies, in both Japanese and English. He seems to accept your apologies before walking away, leaving you alone on the street. You look down at the phone in your left hand, smiling at the unfamiliar device, before leaning down and grabbing your fallen phone. You stuff your phone into your back pocket and pull a small SD card from your pocket, quickly inserting it into the man’s phone. You slide his phone into your pocket and look around for him, watching as he veers off the sidewalk and into a small cafe. You follow the same path, checking the phone periodically to ensure the download is going smoothly. When you see the progress bar reach 100%, you pull the card from his phone and put it beside your phone in your other pocket, before following the man into the cafe and stepping into line behind him. He moves forward to order, and when the cashier announces his total, you step up beside him. “Let me pay for it.”

You dig around in your pockets for the right amount of money, but the man shakes his head, trying to stop him. You pull the money out anyways, turning to the man with a smile. “Please, I insist. As an apology.”

Finally, he relents, and as you step forward and hand the money to the cashier, you use your other hand to carefully slide his phone into his pocket. You step back and he thanks you, and you give him a nod. “It’s the least I could do.”

He moves away to the end of the bar to pick up his drink, leaving you to order. “A small matcha tea please.”

The barista gives you the total and you pass her the money, and out of the corner of your eye, you see the man grab his drink and leave. With a satisfied smile you pull out your phone and text the only number saved.

Got your drink. Meet at the usual?

Your drink is placed at the end of the bar, and you thank the barista as you grab it and turn to leave. Your phone dings as you head to the door, and you glance at the screen as you step outside into the bright afternoon sun.

See you there.

You leave the cafe and head to the Suizenji Jojuen Garden, so you can meet the agent for the drop. The walk is nice, and you enjoy the fresh air and scenery immensely, hoping you get to spend a little more time in Japan before you have to head to your next location. When you reach the garden, you move to the bridge that overlooks the water and find a spot to get comfortable in. It’s usually a few minutes before the agent shows, so you spend the time admiring the view and watching the cherry blossoms fall from the trees. He shows up a few minutes later, and stands next to you, asking. “Enjoying the view?”

The familiar voice pulls you from your thoughts and you turn your head towards him quickly. “Steve?”

His blue eyes lock with yours and his brows lift in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

You scoff, “I’m collecting intel, as agents do. What are you doing here? Avengers don’t normally do drops.”

He turns and looks out at the water, “I was on my way back from South Korea and Tony asked if I’d stop by to get some intel from an agent in Kumamoto. I didn’t know it’d be you.”

You snort, “Try not to sound so disappointed.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean-”

You hold up a hand to stop him, “Relax.” You pass him the now empty matcha cup with the SD card secured inside. “Here’s your tea.”

“Thanks.”

You both stand silently, staring out at the water, before speaking at the same time.

“Do you want to come back to-”

“Well, I guess I’d better get-”

You both stop at the same time, before you motion for Steve to speak first. “I should get back to the Quinjet. What were you saying?”

Your brows lift in surprise, and you let the invitation back to your room die in your throat. “Oh, yeah, same.”

“It was good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

You give him a small wave and turn to leave, moving quickly to put distance between you and Steve, you and this garden, you and this awkward situation. You start to think your question in December really upset him, because you haven’t heard from him since. And yeah, you’ve been working a lot, but if things were okay, the meeting in the park wouldn’t have been that...weird. You shake the thoughts from your head, trying to delete the interaction from your memory, thankful when you reach the hotel quickly, distracted by the thoughts in your head. You head to your room with a sigh of relief, locking the door before kicking your shoes off. As you do, your phone rings from your pocket, and you check the caller ID, answering quickly when you recognize the number. “This is Shield’s best agent speaking.”

Maria Hill’s laugh crackles through the phone, “Try worst agent. You didn’t even check if the line was secure before announcing who you work for.”

You smile, “I knew I didn’t have to because you already did.”

You can’t see her, but you know she’s rolling her eyes, because you’re right. Hill knows what she’s doing, and she does all the technical stuff for you, making your job a hell of a lot easier. “How was the drop?”

You cringe, reminded of the awkward interaction. “It was fine. Coulda told me that Jeff wasn’t doing the drop anymore.”

“Sorry, last minute change.” A pause, and then, “Wait, why? Did something happen with Steve?”

You shake your head, temporarily forgetting she can’t see you. “No, no, no, it was fine. Everything was good.”

“Okay...” She draws the word out, and you know she’s unconvinced. Still, she doesn’t pry. “Well, that gives you two extra days in Kumamoto, work free. Enjoy them. I’ll see you back in D.C. in a few days.”

“See you then.”

You drop your phone to the bed before moving into the bathroom and starting a bath. As the tub fills, you head to the hotel phone and call a nearby delivery service, placing an order for a few different meals, deciding to treat yourself now that you have a couple of days off. Minutes later, your food is ordered and you’re chin deep in lavender scented water, the warm water starting to melt your worries away. You clean up slowly, taking your time to relax in the bath until the water turns cool. As you’re leaning forward to pull the drain, you hear a knock at the door, and assuming it’s your food you quickly wrap a towel around your body and head out of the bathroom. On the way to the door you grab your gun, just in case, before moving to check the peephole. But instead of finding the delivery driver you expected, you instead see Steve Rogers standing at your door, holding your food.

You put your gun on the chair near the door before unlocking it and pulling it open. He eyes you up and down, and you look back at him in confusion. “What are you-”

Before you can finish the sentence, he steps towards you and pulls you in for a kiss. Your lips crash together, hard, but there is none of the awkward tension from before. He guides you into the room and kicks the door closed, dropping the food bag unceremoniously near the door, forgotten in the haze of lust. He guides you back towards the bed in the room, both of you in a hurry, evident by the clothes he drops on his way across the room. Your towel joins his discarded clothes somewhere along in the journey, and when you reach the bed, it doesn’t take long until you’re writhing and moaning beneath him, calling his name as he takes you over the edge.

When your high dissipates, the two of you lay in silence like you normally do, until you decide to finish your post bath routine. You roll out of the bed, leaving Steve sprawled across the sheets watching you, and you scoop his shirt up on the way to the bathroom, pulling it over your head. You pull on a pair of underwear and grab some lotion, moving to stand in the doorway as you apply it, giving you a good view of Steve. “How’d you know where I was?”

You swear you see his cheeks heat up when he answers, “Hill.”

You smile and shake your head, “Should’ve known.”

He watches you moisturize, silent, and you’re the first one to break the silence again. “I thought you forgot.” He quirks a brow, and you clarify, “About the arrangement.”

“Oh. No, I just wasn’t sure if that’s what you still wanted. You never reached out after the party.”

“Honestly, I haven’t really had the chance. I haven’t been home since the party. After my week in D.C. next week, I finally get to go back. I was gonna call you then.”

“Looks like I beat you to the punch.”

You smirk at him, “Looks like it.”

You step back into the bathroom, finishing up your routine quickly, and when you’re halfway through brushing your hair, you call out, “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“What?”

You finish brushing your hair before stepping back into the room, and you repeat, “Do you want to stay for dinner? Since you did bring it up to the room.”

A strange look passes over his face, and for a second, you’re sure he’s going to say no and bolt, giving you the cold shoulder like he did in December, but he surprises you by smiling and nodding. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

You smile in return and grab the bag from the door, setting the food up on the low coffee table in the room, sitting on the floor beside it. Steve pulls his pants on before he joins you, both of you sitting across from each other on the floor, and for a while you enjoy a comfortable silence, pushing dishes across the table to share, quietly enjoying your meals. You’re in the middle of shoving a large bite of noodles into your mouth when Steve suddenly says, “Paper cranes.”

You look up at him with absolute bewilderment, quickly chewing the noodles in your mouth to ask, “What?”

“Last time you asked me what my thing is. It’s paper cranes.”

“Oh.” You say nothing else, too afraid it’ll break the moment, that he’ll change his mind and close up again, but he doesn’t. As you put your fork down, a faraway look passes over his face and he mutters, “My mom died when I was 18. Tuberculosis. But before that, when she was sick and still alive, I used to visit her. All the nurses that used to help her were friends of hers, because she was a nurse too. And one day, one of them told me about 1000 origami cranes. According to Japanese legend, anyone that folds 1000 paper cranes will be granted a wish by the gods. The nurse told me that maybe if I folded 1000 paper cranes and wished for her to live, she’d be okay.”

Steve pauses for a minute, and you watch him closely, too afraid to say anything. “I was desperate to save her life, so I spent weeks folding cranes out of any paper I could find. Scraps, old artwork, it didn't matter. If it could save my mom’s life, I wanted to do it.”

He takes a deep breath before his eyes lock on yours, heavy with sadness. “She died before I finished.”

You feel your heart break for Steve, tiny 18 year old Steve left alone in the world without his parents, his mom dying before he could finish trying to save her. You reach out across the table and take his hand, and despite the intimacy of it, he lets you, smiling at your intertwined fingers before he adds, “When I knew Peggy was nearing the end, I folded cranes for her too. This time, I knew they couldn’t save her, but I wished that she wouldn’t suffer the way my ma did.”

“Did it work?”

“She died peacefully in her sleep, so I like to think it did.”

You smile a little and squeeze his hand, and he whispers, “Now, I make them when I need to remember. Because sometimes, you just need to remember.”

“I know what that’s like.”

He looks at you with surprise, “You do?”

You nod, dropping his hand to head to your suitcase, pulling the leatherbound notebook from between the neatly stacked layers of clothes. When you sit down across from Steve again, you push the book towards him, despite your promise to yourself to never show it to anyone. “Remember the cinnamon rolls I told you about?”

He nods, reaching for the book though he never pulls it open. “I keep track of every cinnamon roll I’ve ever eaten since my brother died, and I write about it in this journal. I rank them and talk about it as if I was telling it to him. I know he’s dead and he’ll never read this, but I like to remember what it was like to talk to him, share food with him. To be his little sister.”

This time Steve reaches out to take your hand, lifting it to press a kiss to your knuckles. “Do you want to talk about him?”

Your brows lift in surprise, always shocked that Steve just seems to know. “I haven’t really talked about him in years. My parents found it easier to pretend he never existed. I would beg and beg for them to acknowledge it, for them to talk about him and his death, but they never would. Eventually I gave up, agreed to the silent family decision of erasing him from my memory.”

You shake your head, tears pricking your eyes. “Of course I never did though. How do you erase someone who’s a part of you? How do you live your life knowing you got more time than they did? Maybe it was easier for my parents because they didn’t have to stop pretending to be parents. They still had me. But how do you stop being a sister? You can’t. He may be gone, but I don’t want to pretend like he didn’t exist. Not anymore.”

Steve is watching you closely, making you feel seen, though not in an uncomfortable way. And as if he knows exactly what to say, he asks, “What’s the earliest memory you have of him?”

You think for a moment, running through your memories of your brother, smiling when you land on one that you think is the earliest. “I had to be about 5 or 6, and…”

Later, after you spend hours telling Steve about your brother, you lay in bed beside him, both of you quiet for the first time in a while. His hand holds yours beneath the sheets, and as you both sit in the dark, waiting for sleep to take you, you whisper, “I’m glad you came to Japan.”

“Me too.”

And that’s the last thing he says before you both fall asleep.

The sun is high in the sky before you finally wake up and roll out of bed. You’re unsurprised to find that Steve is gone, but left in his place is a paper crane and a note on his pillow. You smile as you pick the crane up and admire it, folded on hotel stationery with expert fingers. You set it aside before lifting the note and reading,

Call me when you get to New York.

See you soon.

-Steve

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader smut #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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historyofshipping · 4 years ago

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My massive Bellarke is epic and here’s proof from s5-7 rant.

Ok guys I cannot stress enough that I am drunk, this is long, it has strong language, and it’s a trip. I am putting it almost all under a cut because it is 20 f*ing pages on word.

For reference: this was on a discord chat and I am removing all names and a few other things but there will be absolutely no editing. Anything in straight text is me, anything in italics is someone else (there’s several different someone elses so people are separated by line breaks). On my page I think it appears as everything grey is someone else, everything black is me. I’m going to put the beginning on here and rest under the cut. If you’re still going through with this, I suggest some popcorn.

Guys... I'm trying to stay optimistic but I'm really worried that jroth is gonna make bellarke canon in a really disappointing way. Like for me infidelity is a huge no in ships and I hate that becho has gone on so long that there doesn't seem to be a lot of room left in the canon timeline for a becho breakup/end that doesn't ruin the start of Bellarke for me

WAIT I GOT YOU I CAN CALM YOU I THINK BUT FIRST I NEED TO EAT MY BREADSTICKS

Every moment Echo is on the screen I want to claw my eyes out because she's so boring please jroth let it fucking end, but the feminist in me doesn't want her to die or be disrespected just because she's a callous asshole who doesn't deserve him yknow

Eat your breadsticks babe I've been living with my dread for 2 seasons I can hang on a little longer I just wish the entire becho relationship had never happened it's a blight and it's gone on so long adenfkidsngksdgnksdgn

Kate will say it better than I will, but don't lose hope! Becho hasn't really been together on screen for very long. It's only been like a few weeks to a month since the beginning of S5. They've stretched it out over two seasons, but in canon not much time has passed. And most of that time had Bellamy either sacrificing almost 300 lives to save Clarke, poisoning his sister to save Clarke, or fucking off into the wilderness with Josephine to save Clarke. They've just straight up not had enough time for Bellamy to be like, "Hey Echo, I know I said things wouldn't change but that was before my wife was actually alive, so bye." Though to wishing Becho had just never happened. We got one good angst scene with Clarke seeing them kiss. But otherwise, I could have very much done without their whole relationship.

they gave me 2 dozen breadsticks. i ordered 6

You've been blessed by the breadstick goddess.

oh sorry i was misinformed. i only have 22. apparently one bag only had 4 OK SO BELLARKE BITCHES AM I GOING TO ANNOYINGLY DO THIS IN CAPS SO BUCKLE TF UP

I mean, I love the idea that they only got together in the sixth year on the ring when Bellamy totally lost hope but is that canon? I thought we had a 3 year range

ALL RIGHT

We ignore canon in this channel. lol They've been together for 3 months.

SO LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING OF BECHO ok caps off. i even annoyed myself

I'm so here for this.

https://tenor.com/view/murder-she-wrote-angela-lansbury-jessica-eats-popcorn-interested-gif-4594942

Damn, I was ready for caps.

OK WE'RE BACK TO CAPS

https://giphy.com/gifs/popcorn-go-on-keep-going-Zd1BUb0qs6nwjeMUBu

OK SO WE HAVE BECHO'S FIRST SCENE TOGETHER ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT BELLAMY SAID? ANYONE? THIS REQUIRES AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION

"Hey work with me so I can break everyone out of this mountain"? or something?

OH DAMN I MEANT WHEN THEY WERE CANONICALLY TOGETHER XP

"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written

LMFAO OJN THE RING WHAT'S THE FIRST THING WE HEAR FROM THEM? THE FIRST IMPORTANT THING? ANYONE?

Unfortunately that scene was physically repulsive for me so I don't remember much except for "nothing will change on the ground and my sister totally didn't mean to murder you"

AHA! THERE YA GO NOTHING WILL CHANGE ON TEH GROUND BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EXPECTING ON THE GROUND? NOTHING TO CHANGE BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD CHANGE IS -----

>"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written I SPIT OUT MY DRINK I CANNOT

ANYONE? YUP

I'm behind. lol

CLARKE

AND THEN WE GOT TO THE GROUND, WHAT HAPPENED?

BEING ALIVE

His sister having more taste in his romantic partners than him?

WHAT WAS THE LITERAL ONE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN THAT WOULD CHANGE BELLAMY'S MIND DING DING DING CLARKE IS ALIVE

10 points to

AND WHAT DOES OUR BABY BOY DO?

SACRIFICE 300 PEEPS FOR HIS WIFE

Clarke with a gun AND a kid AND a rover AND bedtime storytelling practice like what more could he want that's all the things he loves

A LITTLE AHEAD BUT BANG

BABY BOY FOLLOWS CLARKS DAUGHTER FIRST, LEAVING ECHO IN THE LITERAL DUST (that's what he does before sacrificing lives)

WE WENT FROM "I WILL NOT TOUCH THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO DO BETTER." TO "I WILL SLAUGHTER 283 PEOPLE WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW" BECAUSE RANDOM CHILD SHOWS UP AND SAYS "CLARKE'S IN TROUBLE" RANDOM CHILD WHO HAS JUST KILLED A BUNCH OF HARDENED CRIMINALS

He had the dad mug tho, he had to help her

HE SAW HIMSELF IN HER HE KNEW

HIS SOUL KNEW

SO WE'RE THERE NOW BUT THEN BANG, WE'RE ON THE GROUND AND OH FUCK I FORGOT I HAD A GIRLFRIEND BUT BELLAMY IS LOYAL SO HE SURE AF ISN'T DOING ANYTHING UNTIL HE'S DONE WITH ECHO BUT

He's had 2 seasons!!!!!

CLARKE BASICALLY ACTS LIKE SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SEPARATION THOU SHALT NOT POKE HOLES IN MY SHIT UNTIL I AM DONE

>He's had 2 seasons!!!!! But only like a few weeks in time.

BECAUSE THESE TWO FUCK HEADS CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION

Forgive me!

SO WE HAVE A GRAND TOTAL OF FEWER THAN 3 WEEKS THAT THEY'RE ON THE GROUND AND THEN IN THAT TIME WE HAD.... one sec pPLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO REVIEW THE TIMELINE https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/620425806742749184/season-5-7x03-so-far-timeline FOR SEASON 5 ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM TOGETHER FOR LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE BELLAMY'S LIKE (FROM CLARKE'S PERSPECTIVE) "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KID, I HAVE TO SAVE MY FAMILY" SO THEN WE HAVE THEM SPEND THE NEXT 10 DAYS APART BECAUSE SHE LEFT HIM AFTER SLAPPING HIM AND SHE THOUGHT HE DIED BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS WHO CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION (YOU WILL NOTICE A RECURRING THEME) AND THEN, ECHO HAS LEARNED THAT NOT ONLY HAS CLARKE CARED ABOUT BELLAMY ALL THIS TIME BUT THAT SHE'S ONCE AGAIN READY TO PUT THE FATE OF HUAMNITIY ON THE LINE TO SAVE HIM "GO SAVE HIM. EVEN TAKE MURDER!DAUGHTER WITH YOU" BUT BELLAMY STILL DOESN'T KNOW THIS SO ANYWAY WE HAVE ANGST!BELLAMY GET PARENT TRAPPED BY MURDER!DAUGHTER are y'all still with me? AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY AFTER MURDER!DAUGHTER'S INTERVENTION?

BELLARKE FORGIVENESS ™

YAS NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOFT!BELLARKE RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE [side note: you can pry this theory from my cold dead hands but there was 100% a canon bellarke scene between forgiveness and 125 year wake up just in case they ended at season 5.]

[I need them to publish that scene when this is all over]

ALL RIGHT SO FUCKING MARPER - WHO SPENT A TOTAL OF LIKE 4 MONTHS WITH CLARKE BUT 6 YEARS WITH THEIR FAMILY- DECIDED TO WAKE UP BELLARKE TO TALK TO AND GIVE GUARDIANSHIP TO AND WHY DID THEY DO THAT?

THEY BEEN KNEW

I'LL ACCEPT IT

OK SO WE GET THIS PROMISING FUTURE TOGETHER ON THIS NEW PLANET RIGHT?

WRONG MURDER POLLEN

OK BUT TECHNICALLY BECHO IS STILL TOGETHER. NO PROBLEM - WE NEED TO FIGURE OUR SHIT OUT AND THEN WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE PEACE AND GET TOGETHER OK SO I'M JUST GOING TO START SAYING "CHORUS" WHEN I MEAN "BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER" IS CHORUS THE RIGHT WORD? OR IS IT REFRAIN? WHATEVER ONE REPEATS - THAT ONE ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM GOING INTO THE VILLAGE AND EVERY TIME THERE IS DANGER, BELLAMY GOES IMMEDIATELY TO CLARKE WHEN IT'S PEACEFUL, OPE IT'S BACK TO ECHO

(like the husband he is)

I HAVE A WHOLE META ABOUT THAT IF YOU WANT IT BUT SO THEN THE FIRST TIME - LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE MARPER VIDEO - THAT THEY'RE ALONE, IT'S BECAUSE BELLAMY HAS SOUGHT HER OUT AND WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT? Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION BUT SOMEONE IS WELCOME TO SCREEN SHOT THIS SO THAT THE NEXT TIEM WE HAVE DOUBTS, I DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT ALL OUT SO WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT?

>Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION @kate (historyofbellarke) "Give a position show me where the ammunition is" from My Shot just popped into my head lololol

WHY DID BELLAMY LEAVE HIS CANONICAL GIRLFRIEND TO GO SEEK OUT CLARKE?

BECAUSE HE LOVES HER AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE WAS DANGER

OK BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY NOOO WHEN CLARKE WAS IN THE SCHOOL

AND THE LAST TIME SHE WASN'T IN HIS SIGHT SHE ALMOST DIED

OK THAT TOO

Okay I'm lost at this point then.

LOL

Phone a friend.

Bc she sucks and Clarke's the best?

I'LL LET ---- CHIME IN LMFAO I LOVE YOU GUYS KNOW IT'S TO TELL HER THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CALLS

OH THAT SCENE

HE KNOWS THAT SHE CALLED HIM EVERY DAY FOR 2,199 DAYS HE SOUGHT HER OUT, BY HERSELF, TO TELL HER THIS

YES YES

BUT BECAUSE CHORUS

WE'RE BACK THESE FUCK HEADS CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION

SHE GOT NERVOUS AND DUCKED OUT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS SINCE HE CAME BACK AND SHE'S OVERWHELMED BECAUSE HOLY FUCK WHAT A 3 WEEK PERIOD THAT WAS (REFER BACK TO TIMELINE AS NEEDED) ALL RIGHTY SO THEN AFTER THAT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE RED SUN WHICH BY THE WAY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS BECAUSE HE CALLS OVER ECHO JUST TO PROMPTLY IGNORE HER COMPLETELY [AND BECAUSE IT'S ME, I HAVE A GIFSET FOR THAT] SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED

NO WE'RE HERE FOR THE GIFSET

I'M LOOKING OK IT'S PART OF THIS SO YOU GET A 2 FOR 1 https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184827185143/bellarke-danger-vs-becho-safety OK NOW I FORGOT WERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH IGNORING ECHO ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT AND OF COURSE, BELLARKE LOCK THEMSELVES TOGETHER AND WE HAVE THE ANGST THE ANGST BUT THEY HAVE EACH OTHER'S KEYS

WHICH IS A MARRIED MOVE IF I EVER HEARD ONE

BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'LL KEEP YOU

That's a very comprehensive gifset

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT SONG THEN I FEEL OLD SO YOU HAVE THEM UNLOCKING EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE

I might drift in and out of conversation, partner wants attention but I wanna finish reading this asdfgh

AND HE'S LIKE "NAH ECHO, WIFEY AND I GOT THIS. WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS." TELL THEM TO WAIT THEIR TURN SO THEY'RE GOING LITERALLY PSYCHOTIC BUT THAT'S COOL. I TRUST THE OTHER ONE ENOUGH TO NOT KILL ME BUT OH WAIT - WHAT IS BELLAMY'S PSYCHOSIS ?

Not needing Clarke anymore...?

YUP WHICH MEAN S

He needed her and knew it at some point

YUP ALSO I FOUND THAT GIFSET THAT I IDD TO THAT SONG https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184725894498/this-song-popped-into-my-head-and-i-had-to OK SO SKIPPING AHEAD, HIS BIGGEST SECRET IS THAT HE DOES STILL NEED HER OK EVEN I'M STARTED TO GET BORED SO I'LL GIVE BULLET POINTS FROM HERE ON OUT SO WE HAVE HIM NEEDING HER HIM CALLING HER THE LEADER EVEN THOUGH SHE HASN'T BEEN FOR LIKE 6 YEARS AND WE HAVE HIM PINING OVER HER AT THE DANCE FLOOR AND PICKING A FIGHT WITH ECHO OH YEAH AND WE SEE ALL THE BECHO CRACKS HERE

This has been a v good rundown, I won't lie.

LOL

ONWARD I'M BACK ON TRACK

WE HAVE JUXTAPOSED: ECHO NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY WITH REGARDS TO OBUT CLARKE KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY EVEN AFTER 6 YEARS

BECAUSE WIFEY

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618426948212965376/historyofbellarke-4-times-someone-knew-the-right

Really you'd think the spy would know what someone wants to hear smh

NAH BECAUSE SHE HAS NO EMOTIONAL EMPATHY. WE'LL GET TO THAT EVENTUALLY

She's also kinda a shit spy. Like when has she ever done actual spying.

Y'ALL I HAVE A GIF FOR EVERYTHING. I'M THE LIZ WARREN OF BELLARKE GIFS GIFSETS AT LEAST

You don't need empathy to fake it, Madison's right she's just such a bad spy :joy:

I'VE GOT NOTHING ON ---- FOR JUST GIFS LOLi

I say this as someone who was 10/10 a spy in a past life at least according to my recurring dreams about it1

OK SO THEN WE ALSO HAVE BELLAMY SIDING WITH CLARKE AT EVERY TURN, OVER ECHO'S EXPLICIT OBJECTIONS AND WE HAVE HER NOTICINGGGGGG WE'RE HERE FOR THIS CONTENT

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/185265380768/6x04-bec-scene-follow-up-with-6x05 JUST ONE EXAMPLE

HATE TO SEE IT

SO WE HAVE BELLAMY CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE'S HER LEADER - WHETHER HE MEANS TO BE OR NOT - WHICH COMES IN IN 7X01

Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out

OH SHIT ONE SECOND I HAVE TO DO DUOLINGO SO I DON'T LOSE MY STREAK BRB

>Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out ---- I love this, actually. WE SHALL HOLD YOUR SPOT

No one in this goddamn canon knows how to have an actual breakup conversation they only know how to die

CORRECT CHORUS

BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER

Ironically Raven and Finn are the only ones who have had a half-normal breakup.

Will be back, partner is dramatically exclaiming that I don't love him anymore bc I won't go give him a goddamn hug bc the meta's too good

BOOM OK I'M BACK

SIDE NOTE BEFORE WE'RE BACK

GO ON

What language are you learning on Duolingo?

relearning spanish and then german german for work, spanish because i used to be fluent and i'm so bad now xp

This entire convo is a chaotic mess

We are a chaotic mess.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH, ----

Our ship is a chaotic mess.

It all tracks, honestly.

WE WOULD'VE ALL BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF JASPER HAD DESTROYED THE CHIP OOK SO MOVING ON NOW I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH LEADER PERF SO OH YEAH I FORGOT TO ADD - 6 & 7 ARE ONE SINGULAR SEASON SO

This convo should totally be convered into a Masterclass session at the end. YES

WE'VE GOT A RUNNING THREAD OF ECHO BEING A FOLLOWER OF BELLAMY AND HER KNOWING IT

6/7 ARE ONE SEASON WE'RE HERE WE'RE LIVING

BUT BACK TO S6 SO WE HAVE BELLAMY BEING THE FIRST TO REALIZE THAT CLARKE WANS'T CLARKE AND WE HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

I’m here and all of this is glorious

OH YEAH THERE'S ALSO THIS BUT I DIGRESS https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618548726524510208/historyofbellarke-5x09-6x04-6x05 THE FIRST ONE HERE - https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/616075629201408000/just-some-clips-ofabout-bellamy-where-either HE'S WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING EBCAUSE CLARKE MIGHT BE AT RISK EVEN THOUGH THEY LITERALLY HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO OH YEAH FUCKING MURPHY - I'LL GET BACK TO HIM ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE BELLAMY FIGURING IT OUT AND THE HORROR BLOOMING IN HIS SOUL AND THEN WE HAVE HIM LITERALLY WITH A ROOM DESTROYED EVERN THOUGH HE IS CHAINED UP LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW DID HE MANAGE THAT AND THEN TRY TO KILL RUSSELL THE SECOND HE COULD BECAUSE HE HURT CLARKE EVEN THOUGH, AGAIN, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND HIS PEOPLE COULD SURIVVE BUT WITHOUT CLARKE, HE'S NOT ALIVE. HE ONLY SURVIVES AND HOW DO WE KNOW THIS? BECAUSE HE FUCKING SAYS IT (implicitly)

I just came into this. I have nothing to add I just want to say I’m living for it

:heart:

Agreed, this conversation is giving meaning to my insomnia :joy:

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618973621000585216/just-a-reminder-that-bellamy-canonically-only

WHOLE F*ING THING ON SURVIVING VS LIVING AND THEN ONCE HE DECIDES THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE (AND LET RUSSELL LIVE) BECAUSE IT'S WHAT CLARKE WOULD'VE WANTED, HE SAYS "WE SURVIVE" LOOKING LIKE THE SADDEST FUCKING PUPPY IN EXISTENCE AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT WE HAD A WHOLE DAMN EPISODE OF A 13 EPISODE SEASON DEVOTED TO BELLAMY SUFFERING BECAUSE HIS WIFE DIED AGAIN 3 WEEKS AFTER SHE WAS RESURRECTED SUBTLE, JASON. SUBTLE. OK NOW BACK TO MY BELOVED COCKROACH MURPHY AND BELLAMY ARE ARGUABLY THE TWO CLOSEST NON-ROMANTIC (:upside_down:) PEOPLE ON THE SHIP THE RING RIGHT? OK WE'RE GOING WITH IT ANYWAY

Hmmm yes(I agreee) but also Clarke and Murphy have that understanding that transcends words?

THEY ARE THE CLOSEST ROMANCE WITHSTANDING ON THE SHIP

AND MURPHY, MY BELOVED MURPHY, HAS BEEN THERE FROM "I'LL CHOP HER HAND OFF" TO "OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK CLARKE IS UNCONSCIOUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" TO "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE SAVING SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT"

BECAUSE BELLAMY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ECHO'S ACTUAL NAME AND THEREFORE THEY ARE NOT CLOSE

LOL SO MURPHY AFTER 6 YEARS IS TRYING TO GET BELLAMY TO DO SOMETHING HE WANTS (WE'RE BACK IN SEASON 5 NOW, SORRY) AND HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

AND INVOLKES MOM'S NAME

BLESSED BE "WELL IF CLARKE WAS HERE" BELLAMY ESPLODES OK SO NOW WE HAVE MURPHY AGAIN WHO KNOWSSSS AND WHAT DOES HE SAY TO JOSIE? ABOUT BELLAMY

If Clarke is dead Bellamy will kill us all HE KNOWS

BAM ALSO, REFER BACK TO PREVIOUS GIFSET, SAME MURPHY "OH YEAH I'LL TRY TO HELP ECHO TOO" BECAUSE MURPHY KNOWSSSS OOK THAT'S ALL FOR MURPHY NOW SO WE HAVE BELLAMY "WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHJOUT CLARKE BUT I'M GOING TO ONCE AGAIN HONOR HER FUCKING MEMORY" UNTILLLLLL WHAT HAPPENS

lol @ Murphy having to remind Bell his gf exists hahahah UNTIL HIS SOUL REALIZES CLARKE IS ALIVE

BUT HOW DOES HE REALIZE THAT

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE OF EARTH SKILLS NO

HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE HIS SOUL FUCKING KNEW HIS WIFE WAS ALIVE

Yesss

PLATONIC SOULMATE MY ASS JASON

Morse code is life

[okay rant over, continue Kate]

MILLER'S FACE WAS LIKE "YOU FUCKING WHAT MAN?"

(side note- i am getting alive in morse code on my wrist when covid clears) OK SO WE'RE BACK SO WE HAVE JOSIE TAPPING HER FINGERS

Oh I love that I have friend who has that tattoo

YES TAP TAP MILLER GOING WTF BELL GOING ALL GIDDY PUPPY WITH A BONE

WHICH MEANS BELLAMY HAD TO HAVE GONE BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND SAY "OK WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE MY DEAD WIFE. SHE'S ALIVE. IKNOW BECAUSE JOSIE WAS TAPPING HER FINGERS." AND THE FAMILY HAD TO GO "YEAH OK THAT MAKES SENSE."

AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT BECAUSE THEY BEEN KNEW

Yessss

SO WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? LIKE IT WAS EVEN A QUESTION. THEY'RE RESCUING CLARKE AND BY THEY'RE I MEAN HE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AT THE MOMENT SO HE'S LIKE "READY OR NOT, I'M RESCUING MY WIFE. BYEEEEE" AND JORDAN'S LIKE "WHAT ABOUT PRIYA?" AND EVERYONE'S LIKE ".... SORRY BRO. CLARKE. YOU WANTED HEART BELLAMY. YOU GOT HIM." SO HE GOES, LEAVING HIS FAMILY BEHIND WITH A BUNCH OF PSYCHOPATHIC MURDERERS WHO KNOW THAT BELLAMY IS GOING TO KILL THEIR DAUGHTER BUT HE'S JUST LIKE... BYE AND HE KNOWS, AND WE KNOW THAT HE KNOWS, BECAUSE JOSIE TAUNTS HIM ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE JOSIE IS THE AUDIENCE BASICALLY

JOSIE IS US BUT SLIGHTLY MORE PSYCHOTIC

ALL RIGHT SO SKIPPING AHEAD, SKIPPING AHEAD, YOU HAVE JOSIE'S WHOLE RUN DOWN OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP

TOGETHER

AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE"

EXHAUSTING

INSTEAD OF I FUCKING LOVE YOU BECAUSE CHORUS SO WE GET CLARKE BACK THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF BELLAMY'S WILL

>AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE" @kate (historyofbellarke) "I LOVE YOU, BITCH. I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH."

"I'LL SHAVE THE BEARD" SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) AND THEN CLARKE COMING BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE BELLAMY WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND THEN WE HAVE OCTAVIA, MY BROTHER POISONED ME FOR HIS WIFE AND I STILL RAISED MY NIECE ON STORIES OF EPIC BELLARKE, BLAKE IN THE BACKGROUND BEING ALL OF US

>SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) @kate (historyofbellarke) OMG I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS BUT IMMA WAIT TIL WE'RE DONE TO POP INTO SPEC TO TALK IT OUT OKAY CONTINUE

i'm going to keep going, but have i done a pretty good job of convincing anyone who was wavering? because remember this is all canon. i have done absolutely no spec-ing at all.

I'm very hype rn. Ngl.

lol

Could flip a tire for Bellarke rn kind of hype

OK SO NOW CLARKE IS ALIVE BUT OH FUCK, THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS IN TROUBLE WE LITERALLY HAD MURPHY, MY BLESSED MURPHY, SHOW UP TO GO "YO. YOUR GIRLFRIEND." AND BELLAMY GO https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/591463308117278720/716493560610029708/tumblr_pv4mkld49N1xsmktho1_500.gif SO OF COURSE, IT'S NOT TIME TO TALK BECAUSE CHORUS

DUMBASSES NO TALKIE

SO WE GET EVERYONE FIXED. A BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY PLOT SHIT HAPPENS. AND THEN BELLAMY LITERALLY PUSHES HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT OF THE WAY TO GO AND DO A DRAMATIC SUNSET REUNION WITH HIS WIFE AND THEN PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT WE'RE IN S7 AM I MISSING S6 STUFF? PROBABLY BUT Y'ALL IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 WEEKS IN CANON AT THIS POINT AND I MISSED A LOT OF SHIT. SO Y'KNOW. OUR BABIES ARE TIRED N AND NOW WE'RE ALL GOOD RIGHT? JUST GONNA GO HAVE A QUICK MEETING WITH GABRIEL AND THEN GO BACK TO MY WIFE SO WE CAN TALK OVER SOME TEA THEN BAM, O GETS STABBED AND THEN WE HAVE . 4 EPISODES THAT HAPPEN OVER 2 DAYS BEFORE CLARKE'S LIKE "WELP. I'M THROWING MYSELF HEAD FIRST INTO A WORM HOLE TO GO GET MY HUSBAND AND HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND." AND YOU HAVE EVERYONE ELSE GOING "I'M SORRY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING ELSE WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?" AND FOLLOWING AND THE S6/7 WRITERS MOSTLY JUST CHOSE TO IGNORE THAT S4/5 WRITERS GAVE CLARKE A DAUGHTER BECAUSE, WELL, I DON'T BLAME THEM EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MADI SHE'S AN UNNECESSARY COMPLICATION SO HAND WAVING SHE'S FINE SO NOW WE'RE UP TO PRESENT

Fully convinced Madi was there to ensure Clarke didn't go fully insane on Earth and provide motive for that bitch slap scene from S5.

brb spilled beer

Oh, and to parent trip Bell/Clarke.

>brb spilled beer @kate (historyofbellarke) makes sense after the tea you're spilling on this channel

Someone really oughta document this convo for a later date. lol We will need to reference it before end of the season, bet. lol

blesss i do not deserve my partner he told me to go sit down and is cleaning it also i went to finish the last of the unspilled stuff and promptly spilled it down my chest so ALL RIGHT WHERE WERE WE OH YEAH AND BELLAMY FORGAVE HER BECAUSE MADI WAS LIKE "YO YOU'RE A PARENT TOO AND REMMEBER SHE STOOD BY YOU WHEN YOU PUT OCTAVIA ABOVE LITERALLY EVERYTHING" AND BELLAMY WAS LIKE "OH... SHIT." AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE "SHE CALLE DYOU EVERY DAY YOU DUMBFUCK" AND YOU HAVE THE PATENTED "OMG, DOES CLARKE HAVE FEELINGS FO RME TOO???" JAW DROP BUT NOW BACK TO PRESENT

(Now if someone will just fucking tell her that he did the equivalent grant gestureTM of the radio calls except w/ poison)

i didn't even include the fact that he fucking poisoned O, that diyoza referred to her as his girlfriend, etc etc etc OH AND AS TO WHY HBECHO ISN'T GOING TO BE A HTING ANYMORE BESIDES EVERYTHING I'VE SAID

FINN COLLINS THAT'S WHY

BASUCALLY YES

FINN COLLINS EXCEPT AT LEAST CLARKE KNEW HIS REAL NAME

THEY DID A LITERAL EXACT PARALLEL BETWEEN BELLAMY AND ECHO SPFEIHOi4ur YES LIKE IT'S LIKE THE WRITERS FOUND BESTOFBECHO AND WENT "FUCK, ARE WE NOT BEING OBVIOUS ENOUGH? TIME TO CALL IN ZACH MCGOWAN" ( THEY FUCKING GOT ZACH ON A PLANE FROM LA TO VANCOUVER TO JUST SAY "YOU DON'T LOVE HIM" LIKE I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW INVOLVED OF A PROCESS IT IS TO GET AN ACTOR THERE - ESPECIALLY IN CANADA WHERE YOU HAVE TO BALANCE NON-CANADIAN WITH CANADIAN ACTORS OR YOU CAN'T SHOOT IN CANADA SO THIS AMERICAN HAD TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT FOR THE WHOLE SEASON FOR A 2 MINUTE APPERANCE BUT THE WRITERS WERE LIKE "YO HUGE NEON SIGN RIGHT HERE" AND THEN SHE CONTINUED ALL SEASON IN THAT VEIN UNTIL 7X05 WHEN SHE BROKEEEEE OVER HIS "DEATH"

BECAUSE HER SOUL DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS ALIVE LIKE BELL DID CLARKE

AND DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING BELLAMY DID WHEN HE FOUND OUT CLARKE WAS ALIVE

And also as mentioned, she's a shit spy.

BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE LIKE "CAN WE MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS? I'M NOT SURE HOW!" so now we're at present day and here's a bit of crack spec-ing

THANKS FOR THIS LONG ASS META !!

YOU ARE WELCOME once again if i put that amount of effort into my dissertation, i'd be a phd with a published book or 3

This was a joy to read An utter joy This reaffirmed all my beliefs and got rid of all doubts I had

https://tenor.com/view/about-to-ugly-cry-ugly-cry-emotional-sensitive-crying-gif-8033343 i aim to please so now we have that O/B scene so we as the audience know something is off. bellamy was dragged sobbing and unconscious by his captors to suddenly being awake, fine, and killing a bunch of trained soldiers and holding someone hostage with his left hand. so then you have O, noticing something isn't quite right, casually bringing up clarke's name clarke. fucking. griffin. who bellamy had JUST brought back from the dead after learning she was alive and he's just... calm? about O possibly doing something with these psychos that's related to clarke? HE JUST POISONED HIS SISTER LIKE A WEEK AGO TO SAVE CLARKE'S LIFE i cannot stress this enough. bellamy fucking blake would not just go "huh?" when O, his sister that he's barely tolerating, goes "i'll tell you, you psychotic cultists, everything about my sister-in-law" and that's it. that's where i'm at s6 was about bellamy literally pulling clarke back from death s7 will be about clarke literally crossing time and space to get back to bellamy THIS IS AN EPIC FUCKING LOVE STORY AND ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS WRONG AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKEA . SHOWER BECAUSE I SPILLED BEER ON MYSELF BUT I WILL BE BACK also i didn't think iw as drunk but then i reread that and started crying so it's definitely shower time

#bellarke #bellarke meta #the 100 #anti bech #anti ech #blarke wine club #long post

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glitteredcum · 3 years ago

Text

Coming back...

I’ve been wanting to monologue since I don’t really write in a journal anymore.. and tbh it’s so much more fun typing out my feelings these days, even if no-one reads it too...

So much has been going on in my life lately and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it...

Funny thinking about it now, I never really fully notice how I will process my own emotions until I start doing this... or journaling...

It’s been too long, and there has been so much on my mind lately...

Let’s start with the basics:

1) I had an interview today and I think I was hired (?) lol... so that’s cool, however I won’t be starting until two weeks from now... but that’s still a good thing bc it gives me a chance to live it up before starting work again.. lol I’m excited but idk how long I’ll keep this job... tbh my mental health is so bad (even at my best) it’s kinda really hard for me to keep a “normal” job (also a part of the reason why I have an OF because it’s so much easier motivating myself for something I have to schedule myself for...)

2) I broke up with (one of) my boyfriends, (Zack, now ex) today... bc he kept pushing me away and I couldn’t take it anymore.... Worrying about him was really starting to wear down on me, and I’m not going to let myself put up with someone who’s making me feel like shit bc they do... (I’m sorry, but I care about myself more than that...) I need someone who’s going to treat me the way my other boyfriend (CJ) does... he ALWAYS hits me up and checks up on me and even updates me on his own mental health! (He even tells me when he’s down and I think it’s the cutest fucking thing ever how comfortable he feels with me... I love you CJ!♥)

3) I now live in my (”own*) apartment with my brother!? ... it’s cool living with him but obvi his name is on the lease so I don’t pay FULL rent, however I STILL PAY RENT! (I don’t need newfags telling me I don’t pay rent) But, there still is a lot of things unfinished in the house and the landlord seems to not even fucking care??? Like it’s fucked up how much we pay for rent and there’s fucking MOLD in the house! Like???? YIKES... Anyways,

4) I am now with my wife Lele for 3 YEARS! ♥ and Katii 2 YEARS! ♥ (These are the longest LDR I’ve ever had! And I’m so proud of us and how far we’ve come!♥ I LOVE my babies!♥) I have also added Brandon this summer ♥ CJ a few months back in April or May ♥ and Xavier last year in November ♥ to the partner list! (I also have another LD bf in New Jersey but he doesn’t want his name out there yet, so I will leave him Anon for now ♥) And that’s 6 partners in total! ♥

5) My NJ boo has kind of been giving me major heart ache, and y’all ima be full on honest af with out trying to expose him soooo LOL.... for now let’s just say that he has a very time consuming career-path and I used to have a crush on his friend... LOL long story short when we first met IRL, I was going through a very crazy manic episode during the time and I was trying to find a way to live out there (clearly did not work since im back at my home-town lol) but, I ended up telling his BESTFRIEND that I had a crush on him after getting my heart SHATTERED by a fucking - .... rude person I was living with at the time /.\ (trying not to shit talk all my ex’s bc the past is the past but still that person fucking shattered me, but anyways) I was just heartbroken and letting all that out to the wrong person, and we’re cool now (me and my crush), and we had a convo about it and he said it’s “not a big deal” and shit, but idk... something feels off... maybe it’s just me over thinking but we always go through these periods where we will talk for literally two days straight and then he ghosts me for weeks after that...? Like it always has me feeling like he’s just fucking with me this entire time... but everytime he “slides back in my dms” that feeling goes away... I’m so confused honestly, and I don’t even want to think about him or his anymore so I just muted him on instagram and his friends bc I can’t stand being reminded of him (my crush).... I’ve NEVER felt this way about any guy before and idk how to deal with it other than just ignoring it and putting my mind else where.... UGH I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I guess y’all can tell what’s really been on my mind here now huh... lol fuck man... ☻ life is crazy... and I feel dead inside 100% of the time tbh, but I’m just too high to notice... lol

Literally if it wasn’t for w**d IDK what I’d be doing w my life, I CBA... LOL

Nah but really though, when you start to value yourself more and how you are treated, you really start to put up with WAAAAAAAAAY less from people. I’ve learned how valuable my time and love is, and I’m not going to allow ANYONE to take that for granted... anyone who doesn’t make me feel absolutely loved for accepted, will be DISMISSED IMMEDIATELY! I don’t have time for people to waste... I need people around me who give me pure love and friendship, I’m not one for the fake shit babe, you can more around with that! ♥

Anyways, y’all ty for reading if you did! I hope this reaches someone who could use this or someone who really needs someone to relate to bc girl, same! ♥

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delimeful · 5 years ago

Note

First time they saw Patton cuddling with Virgil? (Like y’know the energy thing maybe?) Or Virgil protecting the three of them from some other alien?

Okay, now that Making Adjustments is out in full, I’m posting all the asks that inspired me for certain parts or even just to continue writing! Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas/what they wanted to see/theories, I really appreciate it! All asks under the cut!

@ironwoman359 said: I’d be really interested to read about what the first week or two aboard the ship with all four of them was like. I’m sure it was a big adjustment for all of them, and it’d be really cool to see!

@skeletonsloverockcandy said: WINBAR prompt - Virgil’s first night on the ship, is not with Patton, and gets a nightmare. Logan finds him and Virgil has to explain his nightmare/dreams

@the-princey-pie said: Logan mentioned that Virgil would probbaly have trouble fitting through the space ship doors. Now I really want to see Vorgil stepping into their spaceship the first time/navigating it for the first few weeks.

@indigomasquerade97 said: WIBAR prompt. Virgil is Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. You know the scene I’m talking about! ;) Roman is still freaked out with the idea of having a human on board, and one night (maybe on patrol, since he is still jittery from loosing Patton and doesn’t want to loose him - or Logan - again) and he gets freaked out by the nocturnal human suddenly being in the room? IDK

Anonymous said: So. I was wondering for the WIBAR prompts, what was Virgil’s first night on the ship like? How did Roman and Logan act towards him? And is he worried that his relationship with Patton is going to change now that he’s back with his family? Sorry if this is a lot…

Anonymous said: WIBAR prompt idea: Food! Since food is often culturally connected for humans, would it be the same for our alien friends? And if they have any, from Virgil’s pov., strange food items etc. Would be interesting to see considering they are all from such different species. :D

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: WIBAR: did Patton tell his crewmates how to interpret Virgil’s body language? Did they figure it out for themselves? Did they struggle to remember when they saw him smile or stretch (and make himself big) or something?

Anonymous said: I would love to see some V POV or adjustment period/cultural differences! (particularly L/R’s reactions to V smiling, differences in diet/hunting styles, what V considers a threat vs. what LMP consider threats… anything that highlights the deathworlder in Virg! (Space Australia is like my fav thing that came out of tumblr)) also maybe some more of L/R’s thoughts on Patton befriending a space boogieman?? I really really love this au! :)

Anonymous said: OoOOooh okay how about,, Virgil’s POV as they head back to Roman and Logan’s ship and get on, (and maybe if he doesn’t know the species Logan and Roman are he could ask? That seems the easiest way for us to learn more about the boys without it being too awkwardly shoved in) and V’s probably awkward because he doesn’t know Lo and Ro and Ro’s openly hostile and he wasn’t expecting to go along with them and idk you decide. Also :DD wibar’s not done yet!! Tysm; I’m really enjoying it!

@bishopriecke said: Okay, so I’ve got a couple prompts so I’ll send them separately in case that’s how you’d wanted them? The story is absolutely adorable and it made me think of the sleeping habits back on the ship. There’s space for Virgil, but will Pat gravitate to sleeping with him, since it was such a comfort and Virgil only gets sleepy if he snags energy during cuddles? If he’s tired/virgil’s stressing over something will he wander over to where Virgil is chilling and settle in his lap? How’s Ro&Lo react?

@bumblebeekitten said: Do any of the others attempt to learn Virgil’s language? Or maybe Virgil quietly tries to dispel some of the more hurtful rumors about ‘deathworlder humans’?

Anonymous said: What would wibar Roman and Logan do if they couldn’t find Patton? Would they assume Virgil had done something?

Anonymous said: While waiting for more WIBAR, I keep re-reading everything (Act 1, Intermission, all the world building asks). Right now, I just want to plead with Patton to go find Virgil as he needs comfort, to calmly tell Logan that I don’t blame him, and to hiss at Roman that, while he has had bad experiences and that is valid, he needs to be nicer. Granted, a reaction like that from a human fan-nut probably wouldn’t help Virgil’s case… but he needs a hug so much right now!

Anonymous said: i’m thinking there’s lots of potential for hurt/comfort with this chapter. Virgil’s obviously panicking so i reckon he’s gonna have to try and convince himself that he can trust Patton if not the others. i feel like virgil still wont trust the others but they’ll get to see that he’s not always this big, strong deathworlder and he gets scared just like them. he’s been traumatised and he cares for Patt a lot and theyll try to understand eachother better and hopefully become friends/gain some trust

Anonymous said: that is very much wishful think and a need for my boys to be happy though haha. soz, that probably wasnt very helpful for writing but thats just something i’d like to see happen but i KNOW that whatever you end up writing is gonna be fabulous (ran out of room on my last ask and couldnt even sign it, whoops)

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: I’m mainly really curious how Roman will react. If he has even have as big of an imagination as buobba Roman then he will probably interpret Virgil’s outburst as a violent attack and try to frame him as a danger they shouldn’t keep on the ship. However if he was able to detect Virgil’s fear then this might be the first step of them growing closer. Idk which I like better, because on one hand I want them to to get along and witness wacky human things in an amicable atmosphere, but on the other hand, misunderstandings are soooo good!!!! Most of all I want Virgil to get a hug though. Poor boy deserves one. I don’t care with who it is, although I suspect it will be Patton because no way the other ones trust Virgil enough and vice versa.

@yalltookmyurlideas said: Haha wibar fears? There are,,, so many. My main fear is that Roman will misinterpret Virgil’s panic to mean he’s hiding something and not see it for the panic and fear it is.

Anonymous said: I was thinking about for WIBAR, are we going to find out more about Virgils life on Earth? Is there angst there or is it irrelevant? Also would Logan and Roman go after Virgil themselves so as not to worry Pat or would they realise this was a situation they couldn’t solve? OR does Roman think V is attacking them and goes to hurt him? Sorry long ask but I’m excited for the chapter 😅😅🥰🥰

Anonymous said: Ayyy super late gang, barely got a hour of sleep bc anxiety/nightmares so yeehaw. I guess for WIBAR, the most essential thing to consider is how you want Making Adjustments to sorta add onto its characters & how they interact. Idk that ofc, but I think the situation is going to resolve into a ‘im only human’ (the irony) kinda situation and the crew (maybe minus patton??) only /starting/ to grasp the human is a bunch of damaged goods who is lowkey more scared of them than they are of he (½)

Anonymous said: (2/2) how i see the situation going down? Depends who finds him. If it’s Pat, he could sing him clam like in the cell. If its Roman or Logan, odds are Virgil’s gonna b scared & his response will be to Fight or Freeze, as he already did the Flight option. Virgil reacting like a cornered animal would be terrifying Ro and Lo. (Also Ro and Lo going to wake up Pat for Human Help has the same vibes of a child waking up their parents to tell them they puked lmao)

@killerfangirl3 said: After where you left last chapter, I am 100% terrified Roman will find Virgil before Patton and cause real danger to everyone. After all Virgil is flooded with adrenaline right now and he barely knows how his strength affects the metal? of the ship as it is. The sudden increase in strength if he was attempting to defend himself could cause him to put a hole in the ship.

@hotchocolatehugs said: Oh! Also, would Virgil calm down if Patton found him, or would it just make him worse/more crazed? I dunno about his state of mind, but if I were in his position I would probably be acting aggressively to anyone who came in. Do aliens have hot chocolate or tea, or some equivalent drink? Because I think Virge needs a calming drink. (sorry if this is too much!)

Anonymous said: I saw your latest post and all I could think about is Virgil stuck on the appliance, really high up and close to the ceiling unseen while he sees Roman and Logan below. Maybe a bit of a language barrier while they say some words that Virgil may not no yet and jumping to conclusions and filling in the blanks in the sentences

Anonymous said: I’m afraid that In WIBAR, Roman may keep Pat from going to find and comfort Virgil and just…leave him up there

@katelynn-a-fan said: Mission impossible theme while looking for Virgil. Too short can’t see Virgil on top appliance. Mission impossible theme continues and fades into the distance. (That’s all I got)

Anonymous said: WIBAR suggestions/predictions/fears: I worry about Roman or Logan finding Virgil before Patton - Roman because I don’t think he will be understanding about how afraid Virgil is; Logan because I think that would scare Virgil more. He might break out of his flight stage into fight, and that could make them fear him more. But, while worry about this scenario, maybe it would be for the best. Maybe one or both need to find him at a low to see that he isn’t a monster, just scared.

@enby-phoenix said:

OK so wibar thoughts! I’m a little concerned that Roman will think that Virgil was genuinely trying to attack him with that chair and also probably trying to hurt Logan, and he’s gonna get upsetti. I also think that the way they figure out what’s made Virgil go all fight or flight will probably involve Logan doing the memory share thing, but it’ll take them a bit to get close enough without Virgil threatening to bite Logan’s hands off.

Also PLEASE let my boy eat a full meal and get some proper sleep!

I would also love to see Virgil curled around Patton protectively but everyone knows that it’s Patton who’s making Virgil feel safe.

Another prediction is that Logan, realizing that SOMETHING bad just happened, and knowing that all his information on humans seems to be incorrect or at least not apply to this one, will go to Patton for advice on what to do regarding Virgil’s sudden change of behavior, and how to calm him down again. Cause Patton is the resident expert on Virgil.

I also imagine that Logan might keep his note taking to himself again for a bit, until Virgil believes that he’s not the bad kind of scientist.

I love that Virgil climbed on top of the tallest thing he could find, and I imagine that if it’s above everyone else’s usual eyelines, they each walk past him multiple times while they’re worriedly searching the ship for him.

I’m mostly imagining Virgil clinging to Patton like a lifeline and the other two aliens worrying for their tiny friend but Patton knows that Virgil is just scared and sings him the “calm down baby it’s okay I’m here” hatchling soothing song until Virgil calms down a little, and then still staying with him while explanations are had. They do not come out of the small space on top of the tallest appliance and Roman doesn’t like that but he’ll deal.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, one of the best ways for Logan to gain (at least a little bit of) Virgil’s trust would be for Virgil to see his honest reaction to what the other scientists did to him. Cause based on what I know of Logan, he would be horrified. And that might help Virgil to realize that Logan ISN’T LIKE those other scientists.

Anonymous said: *gets out the defibrillator to help kickstart the creative juices* At this point Virgil is running on fumes and when the trio find him Patton tries to comfort him. But he’s too stressed and feels betrayed and there’s just too much inner turmoil for him to hold back so he finally breaks down in front of them. Perhaps it’s not Patton that manages to calm him down, but Roman who finally recognizes him as a traumatized person rather than “just an evil human” :D

@enby-phoenix said: tbh Virgil probably hisses at either Logan or Roman at some point and it makes them nervous and confused.

Anonymous said: Roman forcing Virgil down from his hiding spot. 'Blade’ to his neck and tying him to a chair. Virgil thinking that he shouldn’t have run and that they are going to be even angrier at him now, ergo more painful experiments. Begging to be put under for the cutting away and to please don’t get mad at Patton (just in case Patton was trying to be a good friend).

Anonymous said: Suggestion for WIBAR - Roman goes looking for Virgil, all ready for a confrontation. But, when he finds him, Virgil unknowingly makes some sort of gesture that means fear/terror to Roman’s people and he stops and evaluates the situation with clearer eyes. This gives Patton/Logan/both a chance to get there.

Anonymous said: Can we get somr wibar fluff/angst?

Anonymous said: I’m just waiting for WIBAR Virgil to just pass out and the panic of everyone that sees him. Or Roman threatening him or Logan goes to touch him and BAM he’s on the floor!

Anonymous said: Stuff for WIBAR: 1: who’s gonna find Virgil? 2: what’re they gonna do with him? 3: how’s he gonna react? – Options: Patton: tries to comfort him Virgil: can’t decide whether to trust or not, maybe leading to emotional outburst and sad PatPat – Logan: scared cuz danger goblin had an outburst at him. Wondering what he did wrong & how to best proceed Virgil: 'he’s gonna do tests on me’ fight or flight – Roman: 'so, if you hurt my friends imma hurt you’ Virgil: fight or flight – ��

Anonymous said: 2/2 Of course those aren’t the only options, but it was fun for me, and I hope it got creative juices flowing for you as well. I love all your writing, and I want you to know that you can take as long as you need to be proud of your work. It’s okay. And take care of yourself too! You can’t make as good of work when you aren’t feeling as good as usual

#asks #wibar #assistance asks #long post #read more please work :(

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creepweirdo · 4 years ago

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don’t worry about slow replies or w/e this is meant to be fun when you can!! but capitalism is the worst. and yesss, my faves openly support lgbt+ fans they’re good boys. i almost missed the yoi news because of the destiel spam so i wasn’t even sure if it was a joke at first either. tumblr is on fire right now. it wasn’t that art but wow also HELLO SIR I AM LOOKING not very respectfully i am but a weak bi. i used to read a load but quarantine brain is broken so i cant focus on novels now.

i want to read tgcf but i keep flopping after like 5 pages but also san lang hot and i heard there’s wlw in it?? cloud recesses does look so pretty to live in but i’m such a nhs, i just want to sit in his nie sect and paint fans and look at pretty things all day. let other people swing swords and all, gossip is way more powerful. rogue cultivator tho your mind! this is the best answer to this question. and that’s not lame, the reason my s/o is the best is bc they know i like to have my own time

most of the time and we can just sit and chill in quiet for hours. it’s perfect. OK! mdzs question which char deserved better (so many choices…) and tell me about other fandoms you’re into/active if you have any more!

hi classified cultivator!!

LMAO THE DESTIEL SPAM. all those memes about the 2020 bingo card - destiel canon, yoi return, and now the marvel trailer for the sambucky show 💀💀 they’re going to queerbait us so bad i’m in love with the chaos that is going to happen 😍❤️

i took me a little bit to get into it too 😭 all the word building but it gets better ❤️ ahaha it’s just vibes - i was like wow i’m pretty sure this is all important information but yeah i’m still a little confused. i was given a character sheet google doc/drive thing that might be able to clarify some things!! i’ll link it at the end! and omg wlw!!! lmao they haven’t shown up in the 100 chapters i’ve read but that info has made me excited 👀 maybe i’ll continue reading it on my days off this week ahaha!

OKAY BUT TRUE THATS MY SECOND CHOICE - to be nhs and vibe all day 💀❤️ and be a gossiper and mastermind on the side 😼 i am a gemini after all HAHAHA.

omg which character deserved better 😭😭 oh no, my gut reaction of lan zhan of course 💔 i’m still thinking about that fic i read like 2 weeks ago where it was his life recovering and grieving after the 30 lashes ahhh all the pain he went through and waiting 13 years for wwx to come back!!! that really really breaks my heart. and then all the things before like his fucked up childhood, mum dying, dad dying, cloud recesses burning, getting his leg broken, pinning after someone, and having the love of your life DIE!!!! wtf 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it hurts me so much.

oooo other fandoms - so i never really contribute to any of the fandoms i’ve been in. i just sit back and observe ❤️ and i’m normally into one fandom at a time. for some weird reason hannibal doesn’t count 💀 i will always be laughing at that show HAHAH.

but before mdzs tbh i was honestly just waiting for another fandom to take me 😭 so i watched avatar the last air bender and the legend of korra in june/july this year and ahhh it was so good!! and i read heaps of fic and my other blog basically became an avatar blog ahaha. then before that the september-december period of 2019 was my it chapter 2 era bc i saw the movie at the cinema and the whole reddie thing - having the love of your life die before telling them that you love them 💔 (whoops spoilers lol). and before that i honestly can’t remeber??? i think my fandom blog was more of a multi fandom blog with posts from everywhere - rather than just super focused on one thing like it is now HAHA. no regrets ❤️

i think this will be more on an indicator - my top fandoms in my AO3 bookmarks are:

mdzs captain america 💀 lol this is why i’ve relapsed with the sambucky show les miserables avatar game of thrones hannibal inception yuri on ice

hahaha that’s so funny - that basically sums up the last 5 years of my life 💀

what about you - who do you think deserved better? and what other fandoms are you into/active in?

oops my phone is about to die 😳 so i’m gonna post this asap HAHAH

thank you for the questions haha ❤️

(heres the link to the google drive folder https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1oXnp5Y2OD70i78utu4BcQ3xgAlygypd0?usp=sharing)

(and this is the link to the specific document that is a character places and terms primer https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ZoYuvSPNaYpGFFnR6gnGjUKFS8EW1-T3IFkk6D4wR4/edit?usp=sharing)

#mdzsnetcc

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purralyth · 4 years ago

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How have things been going with Chariot and crew? Maybe I missed some things, but it feels like it's been awhile since I last heard of their shenanigans! Has the gf been helping out? Any crisises? (In the world around them or emotional?) What is the DEALIO I am ready to hear it!

haHAHAHA i’ll be honest i don’t talk much about their emotional/world crises because they are happening All the time. our dm wants to see us suffer. but let’s have a small summary shall we, i’m actually going to put this one under a read more bc we’ve done That Much

so first things first, the gang got shunted into the feywild, i talked about that much. that’s where we picked up our lovely little tiefling monk Fuarthas (Silence, back then) from his awful hag grandmother rosie, found chariot’s masked mom, and then got taunted by a fey demigod in his Hell Maze and he proposed to fuarthas and now they’re engaged because he’s a warlock now it’s fun shit. anyway. we get back to toril with the crew (and chariot’s masked mom’s ship, lovingly dubbed Eri’s Chariot after her daughter and her dead boytoy, that we thought we might have to leave behind) and we find out that in the MAYBE month-long period we’ve been in the feywilds, 2.5 years have gone by on toril. meteors have fallen from the sky, which is now a permanent blood red, people are chanting at these meteors embedded in the city like possessed cultists who attack anyone that threatens to take them out, and the worms coming out of the meteors are like kind of sort of turning people undead?? it’s messed up. Cool Stuff. but chariot’s aunt mom Serenity and uncle dad Patience opened up an orphanage so that’s cool

So we got some magic tattoos in some downtime (Chariot got 2, one on the back of her neck that lets her understand Undercommon, and another on her chest that gives her a free use of Mage Armour per day) and met up with some new NPCs, one of which is traveling with us now as our cleric-fighter and is dating(??) our big tiddy big heart half-orc barbarian Lockjaw, and left our aasimar monk’s kickass wife behind to run her tavern bc she’s expecting. we go to look at some funky stuff going down in the town cemetary. first thing we do is go see erran, our moon elf friend we took into the feywild and hates us now for it, and he takes us into this portal and shows us this weird temple thing his supervisor or something had just discovered. there’s these murals on the walls of meteors striking the earth, and a flood, and some figures sailing on a ship through the sky, and then 7(?) figures, that like kind of seem like Us but not quite on par, so fun stuff, and these two HUGE statues in the main chamber. somebody presses a button and this fantasy Alexa bitch floats down from the ceiling and is like oh shit presences detected. and starts listing these titles, like Sufferer, and Guardian, and Exceptional, and then locks onto jia and is like ABERRATION DETECTED FUCK THOSE SHITS and tries to kill her so she has to run. basically without making this too long we find out that we (chariot, frazier, lockjaw, fuarthas, and frazier’s daughter) are descendants of some ancient heroes that saved the world once, and we grave rob just a little and get some cool magic items, and there’s this prophecy that we’ll stop the apocalypse or something?????? shit’s wack. we go back out to see jia and chariot’s trying real hard to cover for her but she’s like well i cant rly hide it anymore. hey guys i have an illithid tadpole In my brain and it didn’t develop so now i’m also part of a separate prophecy that i’ll wipe out all the illithid. but look at this i can float but chariot and i did some research and the only way to not have it be a problem anymore is to destroy my skull and then resurrect me. so that’s a lot of fun!!!!!

still in that cemetary, we find a trail of meteor worms. follow them into a secret passage that leads to the lair of Sunshine, masked mom’s dead assistant that chariot one-shot, but it turns out she’s a necromancer! she kicks our asses to unconsciousness even after chariot polymorphed into a t-rex and sells us to Neogi in the underdark, which if you don’t know what they are, google them, they’re fucked up spider giraffe eels that are evil incarnate and basically were slave trading us & psychically torturing Jia the whole way!! which made chariot throw cantrip after cantrip at them to try to hurt them so they just mind-control enslaved her over and over so that’s fucked her up good :)

we get sold to some drow after a week. beefy boys were sent to work manual labour til they die, and the rest of us were set to be sacrificed to Lolth, so we go haha we have to get out of here asap. chariot disguise selfs into a drow guard (a man bc i was very stupid) and gets caught 2 seconds out the door by a cleric of lolth, who sets up some mix between a dick appointment and an ass kicking for later bc chariot didn’t like. idk acknowledge her. fuck drow. she and fuarthas (who she was pretending to transport) skedaddle into a side chamber and a drow guard captain comes in. she goes to beat up fuarthas so chariot attacks her and a wild magic pops off and they fall mutually head over heels in love and lust with each other, which is MESSY. chariot convinces her to help round the gang up, but everywhere they look everyone’s gone missing (frazier and lockjaw got into a fight down at the manual labour camp and jia turned into a fish and shrieked so she’s gone) so chariot ends up wined and dined and tries desperately not to let this drow captain Do Her and does not take a long rest bc she has to stay awake and make sure this woman doesn’t wake up and see she’s not actually Erran the Drow Guard. but when everyone wakes up a shadow dragon is attacking this drow camp. cool. yes. awesome. fantastic. hell breaks loose, chariot and zarra (the drow captain) find frazier and jia in a stairwell, zarra kisses chariot goodbye and runs off to do stuff after a hefty persuasion check, jia gets Understandably Angry, we run like hell to find our magic items they bought with us and get the hell out of dodge With Lockjaw’s new orc army he’s recruited and the drow dude we found that’s a part of Frazier’s old order. shadow dragon finds us, holy shit she’s frazier’s adopted mom, she offers us a ride back while chariot very desperately tries to tell jia she doesn’t know what’s going on and why zarra kissed her and why she feels like this (she didn’t know it was a charm !!) and generally feeling Very Shitty. we get to frazier’s old monastery and the charm wears off, chariot and jia have a very long talk and chariot breaks a couple times, chariot steals a bottle of wine to try and feel better, she gets in shit for it and frazier takes the fall, he gets whipped as a punishment which just breaks chariot even more, she puts herself on house arrest for a full week, jia finally starts talking to her again 3 days into that, they do some drugs, chariot makes a deal with shadow dragon mama to split the cost of a teleportation circle and the gang blows up at her but she’s like nah it’s cool. at this point she is using her +9 deception to pretend she didn’t just break for a whole week and nothing happened and she’s totally good now guys dont even worry about it.

side tangent from All That, we go to deal with a giant problem for the monastery and there’s corpses strung up with the symbols on chariot’s palm all over. lots of combat yadda yadda, trap one giant in a room and ask her questions through the door, get some cool insight on chariot’s magics that she still has no idea how it works. turns out there’s a third queen of the feywilds, the queen of night and magic if i remember correctly, and she was shunned for her beauty and her and all of her subjects were made to be ugly and misshapen or some messed up stuff. chariots like oh fuck we were just there and no one said shit about a queen that apparently everyone hates that she has the symbols for on her Hands and honestly on her cape as well half the time. but ok cool that’s some new info sweet.

jia’s still guilting chariot for kissing zarra (even though it was a CHEEK KISS and she didn’t do it) because chariot’s been feeling awful that jia got into a romantic relationship (WITH FRAZIER’S DAUGHTER WHO JOINED JIA’S CULT, FUNNY ENOUGH) on her like 10 month leave bc she assumed she’d never get to see chariot again, but that’s a whole can of worms. lots of emotional fuckage though, chariot feels even worse that that happened bc jia hadn’t even been charmed, etc etc etc. but she’s never gonna say any of it bc she’s terrified jia will leave a second time and bringing any of that up might be what triggers it So!

we get told the neogi are selling slaves to jia’s old god, Ool’zakgothool the Aboleth who has been the Big Bad since like session 3-5, so we need to go stop that shit so we can go take down this aboleth and get frazier’s daughter back. but first we have literally no money bc we got sold and had all our shit stolen so we have to sell the like 700lbs of elven armour and weaponry we stole from a navy outpost place thing in the feywild. so we get to solve a little murder mystery in a gnome town so that’s fun. go back to the monastery, pick up some stuff, get some cool magic items made by our new artificer friend Jokk who’s part of the same prophecy we are, and head out again to fuck up these neogi. but on the way jia suddenly sprints ahead and gets like hug tackled by 5 kids who she apparently raised in her cult, and we get lead back to the marketplace where we plan on staking out the neogi and following back to their camp, but uh oh there’s 100 cultists here who swarm us and there’s some midsommar shit and we just fight the neogi right then and there and that’s basically where we’re picking up now. they enslaved lockjaw who oneshot chariot bc she’s a weak little bitch so jia kicked him in the ribs it was fun. and now we’re holding the elf that threatened to cut chariot’s tail off from our Neogi Cage Days hostage to tell us where the shiny gold head hauncho went bc he dimension doored out while chariot was paralyzed and couldn’t counterspell and we want him Dead. to be continued

#akitheshinigamia #ask #chariot #THANK YOU #WE'VE DONE SO MUCH THIS ISN'T EVEN THE HALF OF SHIT #I'M SURE I MISSED A COUPLE THINGS

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aloyssobek · 4 years ago

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okay so.......thoughts about next year. this is a doozy it’s okay if you don’t read it i just have...................so many thoughts

tl;dr: need to re-apply for my job probably, imposter syndrome, deep deep depression, so anxious, don’t know if i even want to stay in my job, and surgery worries

i am genuinely concerned about how anxious i am feeling about work next week. i’ve been on holidays for a week and a half but any time work is brought up, i feel myself tense up. like the amount of anxiety i’m feeling about going back to work next week, albeit remotely, is fairly high. i thought i was okay until i got that call yesterday morning from one of the APs about the timetable and needing to apply for one of the jobs online. like i feel so stupid that i didn’t fucking realise that i need to re-apply for my job? i guess i just assumed that bc i filled in the form about next year that they’d come up with an offer??

but now i’m doubting it and thinking ‘what if they finally realise that it was a mistake to hire me? that i’m not actually that good? that i’ve been secretly faking it this entire time?’ and i KNOW that’s my anxiety and imposter syndrome talking!! but fuck man!! i feel like every. fucking. day. i’m at work/working i feel like i’m faking it and don’t really deserve to be there. and i’m tired! i’m tired of fighting that every single day! i’m so tired of dealing with my anxiety! and my depression! i’m tired of waking up, wondering how i’m gonna feel today, and then trying to get through and do exactly the same amount of work as everyone else! or more in some cases!!

i think i like teaching...for the most part. i’m at the very least passionate about education and science. i know that this has been a fucked up year. but even though it’s the end of the holidays (basically), i feel like i’ve run into the ground. now that i’m facing another 11 weeks of the school year i feel kinda sick! not gonna lie!! i’m not sure if the solution is to go part time or switch to being a TA. both ideas appeal to me for different reasons. part time would mean i still get to be a teacher, making plans, delivering content, etc. those are all things i enjoy to some degree!! being a TA (part time or full time) means that i would be able to actually leave at 3:30 every day, i don’t need to be the one 100% responsible and don’t need to worry about classroom management etc. i just...don’t know if i’m technically qualified i guess? i have a teaching degree not a teacher’s aide qual and those are definitely different things. part of me just wants to leave teaching altogether.

part of me feels like i need to stay as a teacher however because i got a masters degree for this job. like it almost feels like a waste if i become a TA or just leave i feel like i wasted two years. PLUS i also feel like i should be grateful that i even have a well paying, consistent job this year! so i feel even worse for wanting to quit. but i feel like..............i feel like i’m fighting every day and i’m trying to work on it with my therapist! but i just..........i feel like i cannot handle this any more i am so anxious about term 4 that i have actively tried to avoid thinking about it all holidays and i don’t know if that’s healthy. like i know a lot of teachers struggle with this dread, but for me this doesn’t feel healthy. like at all.

i feel like, currently, i don’t have a handle on anything in my life. i feel like i can’t control work, i can’t control my living situation, i can’t control my health, i can’t handle dming in some cases. i’m so tired of fighting my brain every single day. i legitimately feel like i’m banging my head against a wall like i don’t have the energy to touch or look at work stuff without having a full blown meltdown. ultimately, i’m a bit worried i’ll never be able to work for long periods of time bc of how shot my mental health is.

like i guess one solution could be to go part time so i can get my quals for a phd or research masters which is kinda appealing. i was thinking i might email that AP that called me yesterday to ask about that....maybe it’ll be too much maybe i’ll actually feel something positive idk.

and then there’s the fact that i guess we’re ramping up for surgery probably in the next few years huh. like it’s likely to be a day surgery but it might not be! i might need to take a significant amount of time off if i need to have open heart surgery! but even a day surgery has its complications!! and idk what job would be more beneficial for me to have when i go for surgery - academia or teaching. bc it’s never really been an ‘if’ i have surgery but a ‘when’ and i’m just....nervous about what my situation will look like then.

not to be like everyone else but this year was gonna be my year. i was gonna get my mental and physical health sorted and i was gonna love my job. but really, truly, i feel so depressed and i feel like so much of my energy every day goes towards just trying to be at least kinda happy

#[fart noise].txt #text #health tag #personal #teaching tag #dnt rblg #god this really is almost 1000 words huh

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tdotsspot · 4 years ago

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2020.....

Wow, it’s been almost TWO years since I've posted anything on here. I’ve thought about it from time to time, but never sat to actually say anything. I just looked at my last two posts....so funny. This is why I'll probably always keep this....just to look back, see where I was, who I was.

But back to 2020 bc HONESTLY this year is the one to go. down. in the mother. fucking. books.

2019 was literally the best year of my life. It was the year I did the most traveling, the year I made the most money...it was like, perfect until the end. I went to Puerto Rico and St Thomas....Atlanta, Boston of course, MARTHA’S VINEYARD FINALLY and even though I've been there 100 times, this was the absolute best. Of course having Dameo was a plus, getting to show him my childhood summers, but Unc let me use the Mercedes which I legit fell in love with, we met Danny Glover which was crazy, I got the brass ring on my first try lol, and we had a lot of good food. LA, was amazing, I miss it so much....NY.....I feel like I’m missing a city, oh yes, dc! That was a fun drunk night.

Late November for Britt’s bday we all went out and that was the first time I was ever real life drunk around his fam, but it was so much fun. The next week....nana passed. It was sad, weird....I hadn’t lost someone in a really long time, and I was there to see some of her last lucid moments. We definitely got closer over the last two years or so since I visited her a good amount, and it made me more sad than I thought. I’m glad I got to have those moments with her, it was cool to get a grandmother again. Made me miss nanny a lot though...

A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant! It was planned, we were excited although tbh I was kind of freaking out. A baby??? Like a whole ass human? No more weed, liquor, or runny eggs??? HOW SWAY! I don’t think I was ready yet, and a few weeks after that, RIGHT before Christmas, RIGHT before we were going to tell the family, I had a miscarriage. Goodness, I really wasn’t ready for that, at all. Obviously it’s common, but I never thought I’d have one....I was healthy, in a healthy relationship....happy....how the hell did this happen? Unfortunately we already told our moms at that time, partially to help cheer ang, and I knew my mom would be hype as well. I knew it was early, but I told some close friends as well. The pain I felt from that, I just didn't really expect. It was, really sad....I delayed our trip to Boston twice because I really just couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed and sit on a train for 6 hours. I almost canceled altogether but KNOWING NOW THAT THE FUCKING WORLD WAS GOING TO SHUT DOWN, I'm really glad we still went. It was reassuring to get my hugs from my mom, cry it out with her, and see the fam. Except Kendall was such a douche that visit *rolls eyes*. I did get to go see the friends pop up which LEGIT made my whole holiday. As such a huge fan, it was AMAZING, simply, amazing, and I got to enjoy it with my two older cousins and of course, the Dame.

So that brings us to the new year of 2020. 2020 the year I think EVERYONE thought was going to be amazing, and maybe it will be. Maybe everything that’s going on albeit sad, overwhelming, insane....is in fact the year we all really needed. The Amazon was on fire, forever and as someone who truly cares about global warming that was super stressful. We almost had WWIII thanks to good old Trump, but boy oh boy....that was just the tip of the iceberg. A few weeks later AGAIN, I call my dr telling them I still haven’t gotten my period, my boobs hurt, and wtf is going on? She tells me to take another pregnancy test, which I thought was a joke because I JUST had a miscarriage weeks before, and yes we had sex, but we were ‘careful’. COME TO FIND OUT, my ass is pregnant again. I was, very confused...a little upset because I was planning on waiting a bit before trying for real again. I mean we just dealt with so much loss between nana and the miscarriage, I hadn’t even fully processed what my body just went through. I remember angrily buying the test because, those shits aren’t cheap.....peeing with the door open with Dame downstairs, (not at ALL romantic like the first time I told him) and looking down like....wait. “WHAT THE FUCK” about 3 times was said, I explained to dame this indeed does say I’m pregnant, but how??

30 minutes later, the world finds out Kobe Bryant died. There were a lot of emotions that day for sure. Even though I wasn’t a die hard Kobe fan or anything, for some reason this one really made me sad. Maybe because I was currently listening to a book his personal coach wrote; relentless....which is REALLY fucking good.

A week later, I'm confirmed via bloodwork that I am indeed pregnant and it’s time for take two! I didn't get excited until I passed my first trimester, just in case...but now at almost 26 weeks, I’m really excited to meet her. My babygirl! It’s still wild to know I’m about to be a mom, but I’m really pumped for both of us and I know we’ll make great parents.

Ah yes, the mid march, covid 19 hits America. I was supposed to go on a three city tour to the west coast which I was very much looking forward to, before the world stopped. In fact, it was that very weekend, right after we had our ultrasound, the first and only visit Dame was allowed to come in, that everything stopped. A week or so later, a mid level of depression kicked in for me, which lasted about a month. I couldn’t believe that after WEEKS of puking and being dead ass tired, I was finally ready to work again, but I was Essentially unemployed. The west coast gig was a cute check, I had multiple events coming up that got canceled....weddings that got postponed, and all I could think about was I’m about to have a kid with no money. I went almost two entire months without making ANY money....luckily unemployment kicked in and I got a couple of grants I applied for because I really don’t know what I would’ve done. My mom of course was in my corner, and Dame would start working from home, but still fully employed so at least we wouldn’t be homeless. I knew there were hundreds of thousands of people in my boat, if not worse but I couldn’t help but be consumed with not making any money, and my 2020 year essentially being wiped out.

Again, this was supposed to be MY year. Be a parent, make a lot of money, and I felt like I just fell flat on my face, in mud, and was suffocating.

America’s approach to covid was trash, more and more people died...I was worried about my mom and aunts as they're older and more susceptible. This is the longest I've gone without seeing my mom, but thanks to technology! We literally FaceTime every day.

I almost forgot! Red literally almost died. He got attacked by a pit that lives up the street and it was one of the scariest things I ever dealt with. We just came back from a cute little drive, it was absolutely beautiful out, and I just remember parking, letting him out for a walk, looking at a dog running but I couldn’t tell if it was on a leash or not. I then realized nope, this bitch is not on a leash, crossing the street, and watching it whip its head at me and red and sprinting across the street to attack him. I was absolutely terrified. My baby red, is literally getting mangled by a fucking pit by the neck. I’m also pregnant and scared the pit is going to attack me, that my stress is going to cause another miscarriage, and that I’m probably going to watch red die in front of my eyes. I completely blacked out on the woman who was sloppily running to get her dog off of him. Had it been a minute more, max, he would’ve been dead. I still picture it sometimes and it legit makes me so sad, but luckily he pulled through after about a week of healing, and a huge bloody abscess that needed to be drained.

THEN about a month ago now, George Floyd was killed on tape by a cop and it changed the world. Between Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Abery dying and being cooped up for months in the house, major cities went up in flames, literally. It was a revolution that Is still happening which has caused corporate America to shove ‘black lives matter’ down our throats like black people just popped up, shown privileged ass white people who refuse to try and understand, racist fucks that just hate us so much....and the list goes on.

That’s been our year so far! and it about to get shut down again because because aren't taking covid seriously.

Pregnancy has been really interesting though....not at all like what they show on tv and the movies. I’ve been emotional as hell crying over my body changing....constipated af to the point where I now celebrate any time I shit, hella uncomfortable....but I know when we see her face it will indeed all be worth it. Doing this back to back though like Dame envisions....I don’t know man lol. We shall see. She's due in about 3.5 months. Check in before then....

Tdot, out.

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moiraineswife · 7 years ago

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Molly/Yasha headcanons

because I have Feelings from the last episode.

-Molly is the only person currently allowed to touch Yasha. This is because he built it up gradually, over a long period of time, and asked for permission every time until one day she quietly told him he was now An Approved Person and it was all good. Is secretly very fond of his affectionate little head kisses and shoulder pats (he never really goes in for the hug unless there was a near-death experience, he is approved but she’s still not super big on the touchy-feely thing)

-Yasha always has Molly’s back. Always. And she 100% will Loom over anyone who even thinks about giving him shit. Like, he’s getting a bit of shit off a couple of guys for being a tiefling and he’s just being sarky and his usual self about it, but they’re starting to get a bit rough and approximately 0.6 seconds later this gigantic, hulking aasimar barbarian woman appears towering behind Molly and just “Do you have a problem with my friend?” Shockingly the answer is no.

-Molly always buys her a drink after this. She always insists he doesn’t need to, and he insists harder, and then they just end up getting drunk together. (Or, well, Molly gets drunk while Yasha sits at the same table as him, drinks twice as much, and suffers apparently none of the effects. Molly whines about this every morning after when Yasha is just...Yasha and he’s banging on death’s door begging it to take him now, please gods, release him from this torment. Yasha rolls her eyes at his dramatics and makes him tea.)

-Molly gives Yasha a tarot reading every morning as a kind of ritual thing, (”free of charge, naturally.”)

-Yasha likes being around Molly because he’s one of the few people she’s met who is completely, utterly, 100% without a shadow of a doubt completely comfortable with the fact that she’s a woman who is a)- stronger than him and b)- definitely strong enough to crush his head between her thighs with ease if she so chose. (Every time anyone mentions Yasha being strong/a good fighter, Molly is right on in there and just ‘yes, yes, she absolutely is’ and I love it)

-Molly will still occasionally go nonverbal every now and then when his batteries just flatline. During these times, Yasha will just hover protectively around him like a really well-muscled shadow and glare at anyone who even thinks of approaching him.

-On the nights Yasha can’t sleep Molly will sit up with her all damn night and keep her company. He’ll drink with her, talk to her (Molly can prattle for days on end when the mood takes him), play cards with her, do readings for her, juggle, literally anything to keep her occupied. At least once this has led to her quietly falling asleep against his shoulder at which point he gently lies her down and covers her over with a blanket, but he stays close.

-Once you’re on Molly’s ‘approved friends list’ he will straight up kill and die for you without thought. Like you name a time and a place and he’s there. Yasha is the only person on said list at the moment but he’s beyond ride and die for her. Yasha is for him, too, she’s just...Quieter about it.

-Yasha frowns a little bit when people (Beau) accuse Molly of being a heartless asshole because....He’s an asshole but he’s also got a good heart and she dislikes hearing that criticised.

-They both love music, and are both fairly musically inclined (Molly can play something, I don’t know what but he just can) and Yasha has a beautiful voice that Molly has heard one (1) time in his life when he actually succeeded in getting her a little bit tipsy. (He will never speak of it. She will kill him. He knows this.)

-I feel like Molly asks Yasha to teach him Celestial and she just kind of shrugs and agrees without really thinking about it because like why not? And it takes six months for Molly to admit the entire reason he agreed to this was because he thought it’d be really funny for a tiefling to be able to speak Celestial. Get it Yasha??? I’m a tiefling but I’m speaking Celestial. He tries to teach her Infernal for the same reason but she just kind of rolls her eyes and no, Molly.

-Yasha has broken up a LOT of bar fights in her time and a solid 93% of them were entirely Molly’s fault. (She sighs and curses him to shit but she always goes to rescue his useless purple ass. Always.)

-Speaking of, she’s the one who dabs at his split lip and puts in stitches in the cut over his bleeding eye after said bar fights while he whines and squirms like a kitten in a cat carrier and she tells him not to be such a baby.

-One time one of these bar fights was actually started by Yasha because this dude had been trash-talking Molly all damned night and would not stop and Molly just kept shushing her and buying her more drinks and insisting it was fine, he’d heard much worse (but his tail was twitching just a little bit, and there was a muscle going in his jaw) And she restrained herself for like a solid half an hour but then the guy just took it a step too far and she just straight up fucking decked him. Like one punch to the face and the guy went down and out cold and Yasha settled back down to enjoy her drink in peace.

-Molly swooned at the sight of her for like a solid two weeks afterwards and called her his ‘knight in shining armour, out to defend his honour!’ She told him she’d knock him out if he didn’t stop (but also smiled just a little bit when he was looking.)

-Definitely have little whisper moments like they did in last nights episode where they talk together and because they know each other so well it dissolves into a series of ‘yes’ and ‘mhm’ and ‘no’ and ‘I get you’s that none of the others can make sense of.

-Depending on how long Molly was nonverbal for, I can totally see him and Yasha having a crude kind of homemade sign language they used to communicate to each other with. They’ll still occasionally use it in battle together if things get really loud, or across a bar, or if they want to say something privately to each other, or just to fuck with the group because it’s Amusing sometimes.

-Speaking of them in battle like if these two tag-team you in a fight you’re dead. Like be you fiend, fey, or fucking deity, I don’t care. You’re dead. Scarily in-sync. Epic, physics defying combos. They’re just like a tornado of back-to-back death it’s great. (Not pictured, the rest of the squad just being like O_o in the background of the first fight this actually takes place in)

-Molly encouraged the others to bring Yasha into the carnival and take her with them because he recognised her as being a little lost and adrift and in need of a home and some good people around her, like he was, and she’ll be forever grateful to him for that, even though he very genuinely insists it was nothing.

-Yasha knows about Molly’s amnesia, or at the very least bits of it, even if she doesn’t know the full extent of it. She’s always supportive and gently nudges people away if they get a little bit too prying.

-Molly is 100% cool with Yasha vanishing into the wilderness whenever she feels like it. He just kind of shrugs and ‘eh, she’s like a cat, she comes and goes as she pleases.’ But he’s always happier when she’s around, and is relieved to see her, because the girl can take care of herself and he knows that, but also he’s a mother hen and his job is to worry, dammit.

-Yasha can actually be surprisingly soft and gentle when needed, and has been this way with Molly on a few necessary occasions.

-Molly found the four-leafed clover that’s pressed in Yasha’s book and gave it to her when they were travelling with the carnival.

-They genuinely, deeply trust and respect one another. And like...neither of them really trusts or respects, well, anyone, but they do each other.

-FRIENDED BONDED FOR LIFE, Y’ALL.

I’ll maybe add more to this at a later date, or maybe I’ll make a part two bc this is Long but I had feelings so here you go, you’re all welcome.

#critical role #yasha #mollymauk #taliesin jaffe #ashley johnson #i'm so glad they're sitting next to each other the potential for CUTE MOMENTS is peaked and it's great #I NEED MORE #GIVE ME MORE MOMENTS #GIVE ME ALL THE MOMENTS #that i can gif in hopefully non-glitchy quality dear god this week's was a disaster A DISASTER I TELL YOU #anyway #do with this what u will #molly headcanons #yasha headcanons #cr2 headcanons #my headcanons

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threemoonsareshining · 6 years ago

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i read through all the 'get to know me uncomfortably well' questions and honestly i couldn't pick because i'd love your answers to any of them so idk just answer the ones you feel like answering? is that allowed in these ask games? idk i'm making it allowed (also have a great day!) xx

Hi!!!!!! Oh my god you’re blessing my night with this message because let’s say... I haven't had the best day today, and I’m sure that’s allowed in these ask things, i mean are there even rules? I do’t know how many i’ll be able to answer but I’m going all in so let’s go

2. How old are you? 19 such an ugly age let me tell you

4. What is your zodiac sign? taurus and i’m not really into astrology and stuff so i don’t know if i can relate to my sign or not

5. What is your favorite color? i really like earthy tones, and i’ve always loved dark colors but i’m trying to broaden my horizons in terms of colors, unsuccessfully this far

6. What's your lucky number? i’m not sure if it brings me luck but i’ve always loved the number 5, maybe bc it’s my birthday, i think it’s really nice overall

7. Do you have any pets? yes!! i have 2 cats, i love them so much even though they’re not the friendliest cats in the world you know. I used to have fish but they kept dying not matter how hard i tried! It makes me a little sad but in the end it was just too much work and if i wasn’t able to take care of them properly i’d rather have no fish honestly

8. Where are you from? i don’t like to say these things but i think it’s pretty obvious if you pay a little attention to what i post every once in a while

9. How tall are you?i’m 1.64 or so, which is like… 5.3-5.4??? I’d like to be a little taller tho

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t own many, this year i bought some winter shoes but i just realised all my summer ones are either a little too used or i just don’t like their style anymore so yeah i should do some shopping (if only i had time to do that hah!)

12. What was your last dream about? i don’t remember very well but i think i saw my economics teacher riding a bike with no pants after i’d been fined by the police for having a water balloon war in the middle of the street, I wasn’t happy about that. I’ve had many dreams i was able to remember these last days, but they were more like nightmares i’d say, many of them about being kidnaped, other studies-related (i failed my math test again, i had to retake my college-access test… just terrible), and other were with people i actually know, which wasn’t the best thing ever honestly

15. Favorite song? Plant life by owl city, i’m going to paste the answer i wrote to explain why it’s my favorite (Plant Life by Owl City, that song just describes my soul at a spiritual level, like I could choose 1564 other songs by Owl City that describe me as well but this one is the one that I can relate to when i’m going through the worst times, but also gives me the hope that things will get better idk. And it’s funny because I still loved it before I had the level of English to understand the lyrics, and then I found out what they meant and i was like “woah this actually speaks to me in a way i can’t explain” it was a really weird feeling idk, that song is just me)

16. Favorite movie? billy elliot, actually it’s been a really long time since i last saw it. I remember i watched it like 7 times in a row in one week when i first saw it, i just loved it so much

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Just… someone that i’m 100% comfortable with, which should be a given, but apparently that isn’t that easy to find. Idk i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately basically because some of my coming decisions are going to be based on who i want as a partner, obviously not in a serious-for-life way, but in a way that i deserve right now. I’d like to have someone that doesn’t make me feel inadequate like almost everyone does, that doesn’t make me feel like a temporary asset in their life until they get want they want for me and just don’t care anymore. I don’t know, recent experiences have made me realise I need to figure out what I want and fight for it, not settle for someone just because it’s convenient, or because i don’t want to be alone... because in the end, if someone is making you feel like shit for being who you are and it’s acting like you are not important, even though they’re willing to be with you (even if it’s just for the physical part) that clearly makes you feel even more lonely

18. Do you want children? I’d say my #1 fear in life is getting accidentally pregnant (i know that shouldn’t worry me that much if i use protection and stuff), i meant a good reason i’m so wary of having sex is because i’d go crazy just considering the possibility that the condom failed or something. I think this answers the question, i really don’t want children, idk if i’d be able to take care of a kid, and above all, i don’t want to. Every time i see a kid in the street or in the public transport i pray he/she doesn’t interact with me because i just find it so so so difficult to be nice to them, basically because i don’t know how . Then i also look at their parents, their tired look, and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they love their kids and all but I don’t think everyone can find happiness in having kids, and I don’t think I’m one of those people that won’t feel complete until they have kids or stuff. Furthermore, I’m not willing to sacrifice my body and to suffer the pain of giving birth, that doesn’t even cross my mind. So if I consider the possibility in the future i think I’d adopt.

20. Are you religious? I already answered this so I’ll just paste it I’m sorry this is so lazy (i was raised catholic and as a child i was really really devote, i truly believed in god. But you know, as years go by, then you find out you don’t agree with a lot of things the Church preaches (being in a catholic school doesn’t help, i will never forget the day i heard a priest telling literal 7-year-old girls that their only duty in life was to have children). My environment was really really conservative and I was lucky to somehow realise how fucking wrong some of the stuff they were teaching us was, sadly, i still see a lot of kids in my school being brainwashed… it’s crazy to see the way some families think. Anyways, that contributed to me getting distanced from everything religious-related. Now i could say i’m somewhere between agnostic and non-practicing. I still pray every once in a while but i’m not sure if i truly believe it or it’s just out of custom, i just feel too hopeless and detached from everything to believe there’s something greater than us… this question is too hard!)

24. Baths or showers? I used to hate taking showers just because I didn’t have the strength to go through all the process of taking a shower but I’ve been trying to fix this mainly because 1) Personal Hygiene and stuff 2) Even though i don’t have the willpower to do it, i always try to think about how nice it feels to be clean after a shower, or how relaxed you are (even if it’s for a short period of time) after taking a bath. So yeah I don’t like either of them but they’re obviously necessary

26. Have you ever been famous? I haven’t been famous but I’ve been mistaken for a famous people more than once. The first time i was very young and a man asked me if i was that girl (idk who) that was on tv and I said no, and the other was more recent, last year, when someone mistook me for a youtuber

28. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental music, specially orchestral but i also adore celtic themes. And i hate to admit it but i love electro pop, the owl city - type, even though many people (aka my dad) may think it’s not the Best Quality, but i mean who cares at least I enjoy it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m a mess so most of the time I have a coffee so I don’t die of tiredness throughout the day and if i have time i eat some fruit and cookies, not a lot honestly, which isn’t the most healthy thing to do but hey idc

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No. I really, really hate guns.

37. Favorite swear word? I never swear in public, just when I’m alone, I don’t think I can choose any word!

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? Maybe 24 hours, the thing is that i sleep very, very little, but i always end up sleeping anyway

41. Are you a good liar? Even when I’m actually telling the truth there are people who don’t believe me so yeah hah not really

42. Are you a good judge of character? i’m really good at getting the vibes of people, sometimes i think i’m just overreading everything but a high percentage of the time i end up being right, so yeah not only regarding people but also with other aspects of my life… i like to trust my gut. However, i don’t always say it bc i’m afraid i might be wrong, but when my suspicions are proven, I’m like yeah i was right how weird hahahahhhhhhhhh, i amaze myself in this aspect honestly

46. What is your personality type? i think i’m intj, but i remember retaking the test a few months later and getting another result but yeah i can relate to the architect type, introvert, cautelous, focused on analysing rather than acting blah blah all that stuff (i love this stuff)

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 4 life, because I’ve tried to force myself to be more outie and let me tell you that didn’t go well

50. Left or right handed? left!!!

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m really scared of them but i also cry every time i kill one bc i feel sorry for her (but it’s either my life or hers i’m sorry) although most of the time when i see i spider i face my fear and i put in in a box or something to release it outside

52. Favorite food? i’d eat ice cream every day of my life for every meal all the time just give me all the ice cream

58. Do you have much of an ego? My ego is so tiny sometimes i forget it exists and let people step on it like it’s nothing

61. Do you sing to yourself? I perform to myself, i love singing alone in my room. I used to care about my neighbour hearing me but you only live once right

62. Are you a good singer? i wouldn't say i’m a bad singer, nor a good one bc the problem is that my voice is not very strong, so it’s very hard to hear me. But yeah, i’ve been complimented for my singing in some occasions, and i really enjoy doing it on my own (i still don’y know how i was able to sing in public the only time i have done it)

63. Biggest Fear? that i’ll keep missing stuff due to my anxiety, oh that and having unwanted kids obviously

64. Are you a gossip? it’s always interesting to hear stuff and be aware of what happens around you but i‘ve always said that things would be better if everyone just… minded their own business a little bit more, you can’t get mad at someone if they don’t want to tell you something, it’s their life and they don’t owe you all the explanations after all

66. Do you like long or short hair? i have really long hair and i’d love it if it wasn’t so so so hard to maintain… i’m pretty tired of it honestly and i know i said i’d be cutting and donating it this year but… it’s such a part of my identity (which is so silly but it’s true, i’m introduced to some people as “the girl with really long hair”) and… i don’t know i think i’ve enough changes this year, so i’ll keep it for a little longer

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? i’m so scared of the sea i think i’d die

71. What makes you nervous? sadly, even the most insignificant stuff makes me nervous, and apparently, ignoring them doesn’t mae them disapear! so yeah i’m basically suffering at all times due to stupid stuff, i’ve just learned to ignore it enough so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my life (most of the time it works but it’s mentally draining now that i think about it)

77. Have you ever drank underage? I’m one of those people that can say that never drank alcohol until it was legal for me to do it, I didn’t do it even when my mom offered me something at family gatherings… yeah i think that’s the reason i drink so much now

80. How many piercings do you have? I don’t like piercings for myself (i obviously don’t have a problem with other people having them) but i just think it’s an unnecessary way of mutilating yourself (i hate needles)

86. What are you allergic to? Ironically, I’m allergic to cats, even though i have 2. It comes and goes, and it’s not serious, i sneeze a lot, my eyes itch a little sometimes, but i’m willing to pay that price for my cats honestly

87. Do you keep a journal? I do, but it’s been months since i last wrote mainly because i always feel like shit after writing, so now i can’t bring myself to do it, that’s why i post so much about my personal life in here, because i’m not able to journal but i also don’t want to forget about what happens in my life

90. What makes you angry? Anger is a weird concept for me. I get angry very often, but I’m angry in general, not at anyone in particular, I just find myself unable to get mad at someone, the anger instantaneously turns into sadness, so I don’t know what’s worse. If I’m being mean to someone (most of the time my parents are the victims) it’s not because of them, I’m just angry for no reason and I just can’t keep being nice.

Hey congratualtions if you made it till the end, i was really bored so i answered a lot. Thanks for the message again 🐱🐱🐱🌳🌳🌳

#ask #mutuals #suspended-in-gaffa #long post #i'm so sorry these are all over the place #but ot was nice

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sneakyhomunculous · 5 years ago

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RPT Phoenix Report: Back to Back!

Part 1: Preparation

“How should I begin this? I’m just so offended; how am I even mentioned by all these fucking beginners?”

Let’s back up a bit.

I’m coming into this half season fresh off a 5th place finish in the last MC, which means I’m qualified for RPT1/2 and PTFinal 1.

From what I could make of the shoddy convoluted details at the beginning of this year; I believed I had a serious upper hand in the Rivals race.

Only 4 tournaments count. The 3 I am qualified for and the 2nd PT final which I’ll have multiple chances to que for as well.

Almost everyone else has at most 1 RPT Q and a pipe dream.

With this info, I decide I am going to go for it. I know I am still an underdog, but I believe I am one of the few people in the world in this spot to somewhat reasonably set this goal of top 12 paper rivals for myself.

At the same time, the world we live in is an Arena dominated one.

I hate it of course.

Like most of you reading this; I play the game for mostly 1 big reason [the fierce competition]. Arena is severely lacking in this department.

Only standard, a mindless ladder with the only reward being a single lottery ticket into a ~15k USD 0.5% equity drawing. (that requires you to play standard for 8 hours on a saturday there will assuredly be a GP you want to play.)

A petty, infuriating chore.

Bc standard is so chalked and flooded with players anyway; You are forced to play casual [but ranked] drafts against the bots.

Slamming BO1 games with 15 land decks until your eyes bleed and the mythic achievement is reached!

Then you close the unbearable program down not to be touched again until the next time this chore is required; or the lottery drawing is happening.

Nice system!

All that being said, I’m still not going to handicap myself, and so I decide I will go for Arena as well.

Unfortunately I have no early advantage there, and the spots are obviously unbelievably high variance.

There are only 2 Invys and 2 Mythic point challenges, and if you miss the first invy you are almost drawing dead at a 1-12 spot. Especially with special invites and re-ques for top finishers all factored in.

So far I am failing on the Arena front.

I was too attached to my beautiful Urza Oko deck (I didn’t prepare enough for the first MCQW I would be double queing along side the modern GP in Austin. It cost me as I woke up and played poorly to a swift 2-2 exit with Jetski Fires before heading over to the GP)

I lost a win and in and got 17th there. Never have I played a tournament with a bigger edge over all non mirrors in the field! Unfortunately I played 7 mirrors and managed a lowly 4-2-1 in them.

I can’t make it through these gauntlets on autopilot anymore.

I’m only 27, but my seemingly rapid reduction in processing speed has made me feel like I’m somehow getting too old for this grind.

The way I have dealt with it?

Accepting it.

As much as I hate to admit it; I am not the same 17 year old wunderkind anymore and the young guns have a big edge on me.

I have to take all the necessary steps to take care of myself and do everything in my power to make sure when I’m in the trenches; inside the matches in the important tournaments; I can be as focused on the games as possible. This is just so I can make the playing field close to level.

Otherwise I am going to be reading cards, and playing slow unconfident magic.

This is a big one; I believe.

I think one thing a lot of players are lacking in pushing themselves to higher levels is the confidence in their decisions. I used to struggle with this a lot (still do sometimes) and I would constantly second guess things multiple times every turn.

Over time, I’ve learned that if you put in the work...

You practice;

Play actual games and learn the interactions;

You can really lean on your instincts and exude confidence in yourself that goes a long way in winning matches of Magic the Gathering.

(Look at almost all of the best players. They are confident in their decisions in the games, even when they end up making mistakes.)

But enough with the nonsense; let’s get to the tournament prep so we can blaze through that boring shit and get to the sweet 16 PT rounds

(spoilers: there may be more than 16)

Collin Rountree is torn between testing with Me Ty Will and the Houston Slack, and testing with team 5% captained by Allen “The Process” Wu.

Of course the choice is obvious, but Collin doesn’t want to leave all the local bangers in the dust.

He lobbies on our behalf, and Me Ty Will and Eddie all join team 5%.

I am not a stranger to large testing teams.

I spent four PTs testing with team TCG/SCG and we averaged around 15 people. The difference was that we always met up in person a week or more ahead of time for an intense testing period, and also I guess we had more dueling personalities.

Shoutout to everyone on those squads those were great times.

But when you have Steve Rubin Seth Manfield Corey Burkhart Andrea Mengucii mixed with Brad BBD Martell Kibler mixed with Me Fennell GerryT Josh Cho mixed with Ari Lax trying to organize everything for everyone.....

Anyone who knows these people can see how this led to some logistics issues and some heated arguments about who is not pulling their weight, or who is just showing up late and mooching, or who keeps brewing decks with no mana bases and sideboards and bringing them to Brad telling them they are great and we have to play games with them (another shoutout to Fennell, hope he reads this and fires up a modo draft tonight. And shoutout to Brad for creating the no 75, no games rule. You can’t fucking say you made a deck if you don’t have a manabase or a sideboard, and some brewers out there may need to hear that again.)

Team 5% (7.1673746%) is all online testing.

We use a discord with dedicated channels to all the constructed decks, all the limited topics, logistics, and chalkdiesel/washed bad beat/rant rooms/RIP Rimrock Knight etc. etc. so you can see how it stays pretty clean, organized, and simple.

But no really, having so many people gives us an edge on many fronts.

There is usually always someone available to battle. We can cover a lot of ground really quickly. Multiple people are brewing and many people are tuning the known decks. Lots of different opinions and we end up covering all the limited archetypes quickly as the drafts pile in.

All of this being said, my best two PT results from the past are when I worked alone.

I usually draft infinite (75-100) times (when I lose I drop and draft again. And sometimes I drop when winning just to draft again) and I just try to play the best deck in constructed.

This I have learned is a recipe for success for me.

But I was happy to join this team. My intention was to just do the same thing, but have some people to talk to while I drafted 75-100 times and tuned the best deck.

I worked with a few of these players back in the TCG days (shoutout to Ari and Corey, and again to Corey for winning the PT let’s gooooooo) and everyone that I heard was currently on this 5% team; I liked.

So for my testing I did almost purely magic online.

I did around 60 drafts after all was said and done. In constructed, I played a ton of UW control and small amounts of all the other stock decks, and watched a lot of streams.

I wanted to be familiar with the format but not go too hard until the days leading up to; during; and right after the first 2 RPTs.

What a weird dynamic, having 2 pro tours 5 days before deck submission for your pro tour.

It really worked out in our favor because our team is so big and we were able to quickly attack the new and perceived future metagame.

Nothing at those two tournaments made me waiver from wanting to register UW control.

I was still beating everything, and I predicted the metagame would be 20%ish UB invertor and then spirits, red, black, and sultai delerium/invertor uro decks would be all around 10%.

When I say I was beating everything, I was beating everything.

Granted these were in leagues, but it was mostly all against real decks and my constructed rating was skyrocketing above my limited.

Not a thing I am accustomed to.

I had a 17-1 record against mono red, and no cap. I had a 12-2 record against mono black. I had a 8-1 record against UB invertor.

I crushed Collin so badly with our teams current front running mono white devotion that he decided to add 4 Gideon Ally of Zendikar to the maindeck and try again.

A 4-0 for me later in which he resolved 5 Gideons led to him telling the discord he is off it. “Bursavich just beat me every single game and I resolved gideon in all of them.”

The only deck I ever lost matches to was spirits but I still won more than I lost against it.

Around Monday our team was all piling on to the breach deck realizing how good it was, and I joined in to.

I played a prelim and a league and immediately bought all of the cards from cardkingdom. But after my next few matches I was feeling very conflicted.

I was very worried how bad UW was against breach, but I didn’t think breach would break 7-8% or the metagame anyway. And I can tweak UW some to have a shot I tell myself.

The breach deck is obviously busted, but it’s a combo deck with a weird puzzle-like 3 step combo.

First you have to get 2 lands into play and then play lotus field, then u have to play a thespians stage and copy it, and then u have to kill your opponent with ur huge amounts of mana.

But the deck is so consistent and sort of resilient that I found myself trying to play it like a midrange deck.

I have these faes and grazers and pores and viziers, I can block! And Fae for planeswalkers and grind people out or take all these weird dynamic lines... and then I realized I was fucking up a lot.

The games are not always intuitive to me, and I won’t be able to live with myself if I register this and play horribly to lose games I should win, considering there will likely be some number of games my deck fails and I can’t win (or my opponent is prepared with damping sphere or one of the other 1-2 cards that do anything at all to stop this abomination of a deck)

So a few hours after ordering the breach cards I am going to bed Monday night and I know I’m going to play UW control...

Shoutout to the squad though!

They really crushed it over these few days and perfected the breach list and had all the matchups figured out down to the T.

Our limited meetings were great and I believe they really helped everyone a lot and we had an overall great showing in limited.

I spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday with magic online open and the discord on my other monitor.

I occasionally jam some games with teammates but for many many hours I just stare at my UW decklist while catching up on the latest breach tech.

I just stare at the deck.....

For hours

I went to get lunch and came back and stared some more.

It was perfect and there was just nothing to cut.

I wanted another hard counter in my deck but could not find the space.

I have been moving 1 card around here and there, swapping 3rd field of ruin for the 4th Glacial, swapping back, then swapping back again. going down to 1 absorb and back to the 2/2 split back to 1. Moving around seal away D sphere narset lantern thassas intervention Mystical Dispute elspeth etc. etc. but mostly keeping the same core 73-75 cards the same.

With a few hours left in submission and all the data pouring in, we realize that LSV Huey and a large swath of great players have all been spotted in leagues today playing breach.

I am suddenly panicked bc the matchup is still quite bad.

I have a few good cards, but nothing to swing it past like a 33% matchup at best.

I know damping sphere is my only real option if I want to respect it, and I’m of the mindset that doing so is normally a bit silly.

While the deck is obviously busted, it’s been 5 days and many players are uncomfortable playing decks of this style.

My general guess is that it breaking 6-7% of the field will still be unlikely, and I think it pushing above 10% would be crazy.

So I can expect to play vs it once on average??

Not so fast.

This is a new RPT with a wide open field, but still a lot of goats at the top.

Turns out you almost always have to defeat multiple goats to get the trophy in PT’s...

And I didn’t fly to Phoenix just to have a good ole time and settle for 6th place, so I man up and delete 2 Monastery Mentor for 2 Damping Sphere.

This will hurt me in mirrors and vs Invertor, but I am confident I will be fine anyway.

With 10 minutes left in submission I consider adding a 3rd sphere but am too lazy to open back up my laptop and know I won’t be able to cut any of the beautiful cards in my sideboard for it anyway.

Enough with the boring shit; let’s get to the tournament!!!

Part2 coming tomorrow!

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dreaminterlude · 5 years ago

Note

My first semester ends next week. I'm going to try to talk to one of my teachers next week asw ell even tho she really intimidates me. I'm so scared I'm going to start crying in front of her(I hate the fact that I suck at holding back my tears. IT makes me feel so stupid and embarassed). She is really straightforward and so I'm kinda scared that she is going to tell me that I'm not good enough... She would never say it like that tho but she could imply it.I'm tired of never being good enough (1)

I'm tired of never being good enough for anything. My classes are so time-consuming and so demanding... I feel like i'll never be able to get better. Anyway, I'm so sorry to annoy you with this, it's meaningless. I just feel really down and I don't really have anyone to talk to (that's making me sound pathetic isn't it?) Reading your answers to my asks really warms my heart so thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer them. I hope you got to enjoy your day without classes

Also, I hope you had a good night of sleep. I don't want you to feel tired :(( - your cute soft anon

habibti you’re really breaking my heart out here :( i’m so so sorry you’re going through it, but it’s almost over and you just have to ride this last week out and you’ll be done. i’m so proud of you for planning to meet with your teacher and seeing what you can do, that literally requires so much guts, like i know how hard that it is because i STILL feel that way even with all the years of school i’ve had! i’m so proud of you for braving that. don’t feel stupid or embarrassed, like seriously it requires so much strength, you’re amazing!

and i’m telling you, you are good enough. it’s so hard because our classes are designed to make us feel inadequate and everything is so competitive that we end up being hard on ourselves and think that if we’re not giving it our maximum 100% of the time that we’ve failed. but we’re not machines, we cannot be expected to give it our best literally all the time!! please don’t be hard on yourself :( i know it can be so hard, but you have to be kinder to yourself, speak to yourself and about yourself kindly. this is hard, but start with things you can believe, and then move towards more motivating things. you are your greatest supporter! we all have moments of doubt and weakness, but we slowly push past it. and everyone goes through the same thing, even if they don’t admit it to you. this is personal omg but my freshman year of college i had a chemistry midterm on my birthday and i failed it and i remember when i finished i just went to my friends’ dorm and cried and then i called my parents and told them that there was no way i could do medicine and it was the first time i had failed an exam, and i ended up getting a D+ in the class, and i had never even gotten lower than a B before...it totally changed my world. but looking back on it, 6, 7 years later i barely remember it. like that happened to me? it feels like a spec in my imagination. i’ve grown up so much since then, and i still worry about failures and being lost, which, oh my god even this first week of classes, i’ve felt so lost in my classes, but i know that somehow it’ll work out. you have to keep believing that or you’ll go insane

and i’m so sorry you have no one to talk to, but i’m so glad you can message me, seriously i’m here for you! i also think that it might be helpful looking into mental health services your school provides bc it can be sooo beneficial to talk to a therapist and let an adult certified in mental health counseling know what you’re going through so you can get some concrete help! there are so many people who do that, literally everyone in school is on a brink of collapse, you’d be surprised to find out just how not alone you are.

just remember to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself, even and especially if you don’t think you deserve it. imagine if a friend of yours was going through this, or a child you knew, would you kick them and call them pathetic or not good enough? why can’t you offer yourself the same amount of kindness? you deserve it baby, this period of your life will pass and you’ll look back on it and be like wow that was a time in my life...but i got through it. but it’s so important to remind yourself that you’re good enough, that you love (even certain aspects of) yourself, and you want to get better. try to take things one small step at a time, figure out what you CAN do in any given moment, and let go of all the things you can’t. you will make it out of this! <3

#replies #my cute soft anon

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nisuki · 8 years ago

Text

Hiya ~

Hehehe. Yea, I’m still alive. Hmm.. Sorta. Have my deepest apologies. I wasn’t feeling great, heck, let me just say I had a period I just felt terrible on the edge of just staying in my bed the entire day. I’ve no clue what I went through, but I felt like doing absolutely nothing.. Sigh, it’s still haunting but ah I’ve crawled back up slightly, so no worries ^^ . However, feeling like doing nothing mostly made me end up sitting on my bed just thinking about things, watch anime series or smashing heads of darkspawn x3 .

I’ll be replying to weeks, maybe a month, old replies and after that waggle to other chats, do this and that blabla... hihi~ For the sims I’m continuing what I’ve been neglecting so far.. I’ve finished a building for something . . -sigh- took me long enough and now I’m continuing with some private projects. *happy sigh* reading these replies again (as I’ve definitely seen them before!) really flows a surge of happiness through me.

Okay! Enough writing for here, sorry to keep you hahahaha ~ I hope you have been doing well.. Once again, sorry for disappearing like that. I’m feeling better, so it’s good to be back too.

aoihana2510 @aoihana2510 reblogged your photoset and added:

moore moore she’s so cute))

Thank you so much aoi <333

aoihana2510 reblogged your photoset and added:

wonderful top, thank you)° ͜ʖ ͡ - ♥

*( ^‿^)♥ and thank you as always love!

aoihana2510 reblogged your photoset and added:

very cool! ��

Thank you, thank youu!

aoihana2510 replied to your photoset “OC’s BEST OF 2016 Post your fave OC’s screenshots from 2016 and tag...”

beautiful Sims!

Aw, thank you pretty <3

puffkin-reblogs @puffshale reblogged your photoset and added:

Yieee~ They all look awesome senpai ❤(ˆ‿ˆԅ) 100 percent talented ❤

T____T Do you want me to cry???? *tacklehugs with all my love <3

preferatajaferoj--reblog @preferatajaferoj reblogged your photoset “» ♡ ”

THANK YOUU <3333 ooho, your blog’s amazing.. let me take a closer look later on (¬‿¬)

armanasims @armanasims reblogged your photoset and added:

<3 <3

armanasims reblogged your photoset and added:

Nice!! <3 Can’t wait to try!

*incoherent squealing* have I already told you how much I love you and your photos?

armanasims replied to your photoset “Favorite Pics of 2016 Well yea, these are some of my favorites I’ve...”

Looking forward to doing this! Thanks for tagging me! :)

Have you done it already? hihih *3* I’ll be rolling to your blog soon as I know you’ve been posting lots of pretty pics!

the77sim3 @the77sim3 reblogged your photoset and added:

love

the77sim3 reblogged your photoset and added:

sim3simsimi reblogged your photoset and added:

Love it~~>3<

Thank you so much love ♥

viviandangcc @viviandang2206 reblogged your photoset and added:

So cute!

Aw, thank you very much muffin ♥

katkitsimmer @katkitsimmer replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

Feel free to use Yuna for any projects you may think she suits :) I feel ya losing interest in projects! Don't worry about it :))

Yay! I will * 3* Sigh yea, and I was heavily thinking about it during a period in which I wasn’t that positive to begin with. Part of me is regretting the decision, but another part is telling me, I shouldn’t worry about it and continue with other plans.

katkitsimmer replied to your photo “I’m trying to.. eh….. welp, I honestly never finished a digital...”

You're so good at drawing!!! :O

ARGH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, BUT I WISH I COULD DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. I guess time will tell what I can do later, and lots of practice. I eventually did that drawing so stupidly when it came to coloring, so I ended up making it black and white. I’ve not much experience at all with coloring, not even with colored pencils in real life! I usually just made sketches and line-art to begin with. I’m still proud of it. Even though the clothing and such look so fake hahaha, but hey, for everything’s a first try, right? Maybe I’ll tackle the picture again in the future.

mckatsims @mckatsims replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

No worries. I figured when you didn't pick back up with the BC, that you probably were going to discontinue it at some point. Don't feel bad, it happens. You can use Lola if you want to, so long as you don't mess with her sliders. ;)

Yes T.T and my time management ended up being horrible. Yay \(*3*). No worries, I do not mess with other sims their sliders, except sometimes the size of the eye iris..? you call that an iris.. I’ve no clue what else, but I’m sure you know what I mean haha xD

explosionofpixels @explosionofpixels replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

Awww, it's okay! I know first hand how hard it is ;-; BUT of course feel free to use her for a background char or photoshoot or something if you want! ❤

-uggly sobbing- T^T . ugh, oh yea, I remember. Jeez, I can’t phantom how ppl do one so many times haha. Most likely it’s because I want to do lots of other things and end up doing these other things x) I’m not good at planning, something to work on!

And yey, thank you for your permission too <3

corianderpunch @corianderpunch replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

noted! :) feel free to use Akira for photoshoots if you want. Not story though ;p ;p

Will do. thank you! and no problem, it’s good that you mention it ^-^

catchingstrings @catchingstrings replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

It's okay, it can happen! Do with my sim what you want ��

Thanks for understanding >.< and yes, thank you :D

lilyssims @lilyssims replied to your post “Kenneth’s BC.”

I know this feeling so damn well.. it hurts when it strikes you. Don't be upset Suki ♥ *hugs* I know you tried, and it's okay. You can keep my simmie if you like to. LMAO I don't even think I have her any more X'D It's totally cool ♥ :3

Yes argh, but I’ve always kept telling myself, I’ll do it, bcus I really wanted Kenneth to end up with one of the girls. They’re all so pretty ;-;

And will do! <3 thank you ^-^ OH GOODNESS LILY XD But argh, your pics lately are so beautiful! I want and muuust definitely look through your blog later today!

fyachii @fyachii replied to your post “Hmmm……. *stares* ……. WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY TEXTURES. I DON’T GET...”

All hail a new hair creator! *bows*

*smacks with pillow* NAY. IT’S DIFFICULT AND FRUSTRATING, but that was the same with creating meshes in the past.. :c but still.. it looks flat hahaha, I’m still proud of it XD.. but for now I’ve put it in a folder to finish some time later.

thesimperiuscurse @thesimperiuscurse replied to your post “A random wip.. what I’ve been doing ? Work work work work and watching...”

Ahhhhhh you've started making hairstyles, that is awesome! >.<

Yes and no! >.< I’ve tried it several times before, but this is the first time I finished it without getting too frustrated. Thank you very much tho, I think it’s very fun to create too * 3* but it looks so fake hahaha XD

thesimperiuscurse replied to your post “How do I consider a “friend” who decided to unfriend me, without even...”

;______; *hugs*

*tight hugs back* thank you <3

igotsims @igotsims replied to your post “Hmmm……. *stares* ……. WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY TEXTURES. I DON’T GET...”

it looks prettyyyyyy

Thank you love ♥♥

igotsims replied to your post “How do I consider a “friend” who decided to unfriend me, without even...”

;o damnnn that sucks, I hope you're feeling okay ^__^/

Yes, I’ve been feeling better about this <3 thank you very much!

chof-pixls @chof-pixls replied to your post “Hmmm……. *stares* ……. WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY TEXTURES. I DON’T GET...”

It still looks amazing, don't give up on it buut meanwhile... *gives you a cookie*

*noms cookie* yumm ~ ♥ thank you, needed that for an energy boost! I did stop going further though for now. I’m planning to pick it up again in a week. For now, I feel like doing other things :3

chof-pixls replied to your photoset “˜†* Laslyja Eal .”

Looks so cool <33

Thank you *O* It makes me happy to hear that.

doka-chan @doka-chan replied to your post “How do I consider a “friend” who decided to unfriend me, without even...”

Sigh, yea :c

katsujii @katsujii replied to your post “How do I consider a “friend” who decided to unfriend me, without even...”

Seems like a conversation I've had with another simblr and THAT doesn't seem like a friendship to me. But that's just my opinion.

Ha, speak about coincidences! Ugh no, and yet the other person has come back and made their apologies. I’ve mixed feelings about it, but I tend to not hold a grudge anyways. Friends or not, I guess we’re still acquainted, but this occurence is not an event I would forget at all. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to these incidents, that causes me to be unsure how to handle the situation hm.

icrvesims @icrvesims replied to your post “How do I consider a “friend” who decided to unfriend me, without even...”

��

Yea T__T .

arthurlumierecc @arthurlumierecc replied to your photoset “Panmdy - Big Sweater with even a Panda face! I honestly had a lot of...”

So cute!!! Love the panda!

Thank you dear! Yes, gotta love the panda face as well.

arthurlumierecc replied to your photoset “Naho - Big sized top with a half shirt showing . . How I came to this...”

Amazing!

Thank you love <3

sugary-plumb @sugary-plumb replied to your photoset “Panmdy - Big Sweater with even a Panda face! I honestly had a lot of...”

Cuteee!

jordutch @jordutch replied to your photoset “Panmdy - Big Sweater with even a Panda face! I honestly had a lot of...”

CUTEEE

THANKS <3

simsmono @simsmono replied to your photoset “Naho - Big sized top with a half shirt showing . . How I came to this...”

Woohoo! Levi says thanks! xxx

Aw, big hugs for him from me <333 If he likes hugs... if he doesn’t.. I’ll still hug >:)

simsmono replied to your photoset “Favorite Pics of 2016 Well yea, these are some of my favorites I’ve...”

Oooh I love these! Your edits are beautiful! Thanks for the tag, I will give it a go! It's always nice to see what the person themselves choose as their faves xxx

Thank you *o* You’re very welcome! I’ve gotta take a look at what you’ve chosen >:D Though I’m sure they’re all gorgeous to begin with. Your pics often have a little story too, so that makes it even more fun!

slythersim replied to your photoset “Favorite Pics of 2016 Well yea, these are some of my favorites I’ve...”

They're all gorgeous ❤️

Thank you vrey much. It means the world to me ~

wonkiie @wonkiie replied to your post “11 Questions tag”

Haha I don't play sims anymore but I'll still do this from past experience xD

Ah, it’s okay :D . I didn’t even think about that possibility! I still follow a handful of non-simblrs on here, but not that I’ve much contact with them.. unlike you! I hope you’ve been doing well :D

aod4909 @aod4909 replied to your photoset “OC’s BEST OF 2016 Post your fave OC’s screenshots from 2016 and tag...”

been there T_____T I know back up all my characters online in differenct places XD damn lizette was pretty ;__;

Ahaha XD -cries with you- That’s actually smart to make a backup somewhere online of all your sims! Yes... I’m going to plan to do that too now, because you never know what may happen..! Yes.. I really instantly grew fond of her when I made her ;-; .. I don’t know if I’ve the energy yet to try to recreate T_T

eenhoornsims @eenhoornsims replied to your photoset “Favorite Pics of 2016 Well yea, these are some of my favorites I’ve...”

omg beautiful o-o

Thank you *3*

204863-simblr @204863-simblr replied to your photoset “Favorite Pics of 2016 Well yea, these are some of my favorites I’ve...”

woww your photos are so beautiful ��❤️

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