#i feel so powerful wow
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✨ It's been a while ✨
#It's really me#Stop asking jeez#I feel so powerful wow#s1ut#Anxiety ridden like hell#Confident about the naughty tho
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doing my job for once and finishing my essay piece by piece like a good boy only through the power of my sugu nendo staring at me with his most radiant smile <33333333
#i feel so powerful wow#is this how non-procrastinators feel all the time…..#i need to channel this energy for my merguru writing btw 😔🙏#aaaaaa i’m almost finished (AND EARLY TOO)… then it’s just . the Exam tmrw :////#i’m worried bc i’ll 100% get my period this week and if it ends up being bad i’m so cooked#pls spare me ……….#ari noises ✩
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still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#sebek: wow we're so lucky to see lilia-sama at his fighting prime. so commanding! so powerful!#lilia: (straight up stuffs a frog in his mouth without breaking eye contact)#seriously though i did not think it was possible for me to enjoy lilia even more. and yet.#'dragon eggs need love in order to hatch'#ten year old me: gasp. i knew it.#the IMPLICATIONS though!#forget true love's kiss we have true love's baby dragon over here#also twst. twst please. i do feel i need to call you out a little bit on malleus' age#i don't really have a problem with it i was just. surprised.#i mean i GUESS the description of dragon ages was vague enough that malleus being under 200 doesn't inherently contradict it#it could've been clearer okay :(#that said it is true that the younger malleus is the more hilarious his whole world-weary immortal schtick is#'ah...you are all as infants in comparison to me. ' - malleus (age 19)#also lilia being a foundling does explain him not knowing his real birthday. so i will forgive (1) birth-related shenanigan.#auuuugh the parallels between lilia and silver#brb i need to go roll around on the ground and mutter to myself for a while
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(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time
#this started as a design exercise bc i couldnt get sphinx/devon rex narinder out of my head#but the whole time i was thinking man imagine if the lamb brings him in as a follower but nobody knows he was actually. you know#and the followers are like haha wow our leader channels the power and wisdom of the one who waits almost as if they were them#would that be cool or what. anyway heres narinder reassuming his pre-bishop form and everything his flesh remembers before godhood#ok now im gonna ramble abt design notes#the singe marks were inspired by fallen angels like how some ppl say they burned while falling from heaven. i wanted smth like that when#the lamb is resurrected by nari.. their outfit is inspired by papal cloaks while narinders is based on crusader armor#the lambs name 'bellwether' is also a term used for sheep that wear a bell and lead the flock and i thought that was cool#idk what the thuribles do yet but i do have smth in mind where theyre linked together. and ofc the lamb has a shepherds staff#very proud of nari's little devil tail!! and it was hard to see bc its so dark but he has wrinkles around his forehead to conceal his#third eye. even he isnt aware of it (for now)#idk where im going with this au i just have a bunch of ideas?? basically the lamb is keeping nari's identity a secret from him so he doesnt#go down that path of powerhungry destruction. smth like trying to lead him down a better path but feels guilty lying to do that#also theyre in love with each other and theyre stupid pining idiots abt it. mwah#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#the one who waits#cotl the one who waits#narilamb#art#au#myart#my art#character design#cotl au#false prophet! au
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horror movie twins/gansey's magicians/etc
#the raven cycle#trc#pynch#adam parrish#ronan lynch#jun23#actual art#fanart#digital#showed roomie my bluesey last month and she was like wow i'm surprised u drew them first and not pynch!#and i had to be like. well u see thinking abt pynch makes my heart feel flayed open like a fish so bluesey was easier#anyway tho heres: them !#i looooooove when they start going off together to do fucked up magic shit. and how they each get to know the other's powers better than#the rest of the gangsey. like. united in the willingness to commit crimes against god and man for gansey's sake 🙏#&how they work so well as a team once they have that knowledge of each other?? adam scrying from the front seat while ronan drives?? romanc
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A Batman who kills people is a bad Batman. Except for Terry because he is my special boy. Terry can drown a man it's ok. He can literally shatter a woman it's fine.
#batman beyond#batman#terry mcginnis#I am doing my yearly rewatch to stave off a total collapse of the flesh vessel and wow#Terry kills so many fucking people in Season 1#even the people who he turns out to not have actually killed like...a reasonable person would think they were dead#there's no fucking way that Terry didn't shatter Inque thinking she would die. he killed the Terrific Trio in Heroes like yeah they#were dying anyways but that's like saying 'oh yeah I stabbed a terminally ill person but that's not murder bc they were dying'#he 100% killed/intended to kill at least like 5 people in the pilot ALONE#and Bruce just...doesn't say shit. he's like 'welp that's Terry I guess. he doesn't follow the same code as me'#On one hand that is a fascinating way to show how Bruce has become even more jaded and borderline apathetic to the evils of#the world (as also shown with his inaction towards Powers and general retreat from everything). On the other...what the hell#I want a Batman Beyond remake for so many reasons and one of them is because I feel like a more traditional plot structure#would further make this part of Terry's version of Batman really interesting as a drama driver
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We are halfway through the calendar👀👀👀 you can pre-order it and help reach stretch goals like a print and a notepad only by the end of September!! linktr.ee/mezzy
Also something for Polish folks: teraz można kupić kalendarz i przypinkę samurai&ninja w polskiej walucie, ta opcja będzie dostępna tylko na czas przedsprzedaży i można ją znaleźć w linkach na linktr.ee/mezzy . Nie jest to w pełni osobny sklep, bardziej proxy żeby nie trzeba było myśleć o przewalutowaniu jeśli w plny komuś wygodniej. Dajcie znać jakby ktoś miał pytania lub napotkał problemy 🥰
#klance#voltron legendary defender#first message from my current girlfriend (yes she met me through ig)#was “i love your art!”#and the second “wow nie wiedziałam ze jesteś z polski :O” (surprised im from poland)#and after 3 years together instead i love you i like saying 'im a big fan.... where are you from again?'#also i want to say it took 2 weeks but im starting to feel overloaded with being active on socials again lolol nevertheless when i need#the power to keep posting i open all the notes and comments i got so far so we good#“do it for them” meme and its about me posting my own art for 5 people who still like klance
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inspired by this Hope!Hob piece by @mashumaru, have a little reverse-verse fic, Hob as Hope of the Endless and human Morpheus
(reverse-verse Hope and Morpheus are my special special little guys, I wrote an extremely long fic about them before. I think about them all the time and at this point they're basically distinct from Dreamling in my mind 😂)
cw hate speech, homophobia, slurs, violence. it's pretty brief though.
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At this point, Morpheus is no longer shocked to come home and find Hope sat at his kitchen table, knuckles and brow bone bloody, drinking tea as if none of that matters. It still rankles him, though. Bloody. Injured. Always.
Morpheus sets down his messenger bag in the hall with a thump and bypasses Hope entirely to go right for the first aid kit on the top shelf in the bathroom. Hope turns to watch him pass, a forlorn little look on his face. No, Morpheus tells himself, he does not get some sweet little welcome home kiss if he’s going to come back like that.
“Must you insist,” he says, as he drags the kit—packed full, always—off the bathroom shelf and trudges back into the kitchen, “on always starting fights?”
Hope pushes his half-drunk tea away, pouting. “I don’t start them!”
Morpheus sits in the chair next to him and just looks at him.
“…Okay,” Hope concedes. His lip and brow line are bruised. There’s dried blood under his nose. Morpheus wishes this wasn’t his natural state. “Sometimes I throw the first punch.”
Morpheus sighs, tearing open an alcohol swab and starting to wipe at the cut on his brow.
“…Most of the time,” Hope admits.
“Hope,” Morpheus says, exasperated, and Hope cringes.
“You know I can’t really be hurt,” he tries to explain. “I’m not human. Besides. You think I’m just beating the crap out of people for no reason?”
“No,” says Morpheus, and wipes at his split lip with perhaps more force than necessary. “I do not.”
“Besides, I don’t kill people and I don’t like when people do it around me either. It’s not about fighting, I don’t enjoy fighting. It’s about taking a stand.”
“You do enjoy fighting,” Morpheus accuses. “I have seen you.”
Hope ducks his head. “It’s not about that, though,” he insists. “Listen. You know I never really finish these things, but it’s my role to start it. To show that these battles can be fought. And that it’s worth standing up.”
“Bar fights, such a noble cause,” says Morpheus dryly, and Hope tucks his forehead into his shoulder. Morpheus can’t help himself, his hand automatically goes to the nape of Hope’s neck, fingers combing through his hair.
“You attract violence to you,” he says quietly. “I have seen it.”
Hope sighs. “Did you really think that people would like Hope? Sometimes they want to give me a hug but more often they just want to punch me in the face.”
“I thought you were meant to inspire,” Morpheus says, and it’s a little bit mocking of things Hope himself has declared in the past but Morpheus is listening.
“More like get in the way,” says Hope, his face still pressed to Morpheus’s shoulder. He sounds despondent now. Morpheus supposes people instigating fights with you simply because of your nature wouldn’t be pleasant. At least when people instigate fights with Morpheus, he’s usually done something to deserve it.
“You are not ‘in the way,’” he says. “If you are, then you are meant to be there. Like when you stepped into my path.”
“‘Least you didn’t punch me,” Hope mumbles.
“I considered it.”
Hope huffs. He pushes himself upright again, shaking his messy hair out of his eyes. He is so beautiful, even still speckled with blood and grime from the fight. Especially like that, if Morpheus is being honest with himself.
“So long as you never hated me,” Hope says. His voice is fragile now, and it hurts Morpheus’s heart. Hope is like a radiant sunbeam, and still more often than not people are only trying to throw shadows over him.
“I could never hate you,” he says, and Hope’s expression softens. Morpheus kisses him lightly on the lips. “I do not think they hate you either. You are… challenging. Just being around you… it is a confrontation in its own way. Especially for those who may have pushed you aside.”
“Even for you?” Hope says.
“Especially for me,” Morpheus tells him. He leans his cheek against Hope’s, overcome with fondness. Fondness that is greater for how frustrating Hope has been to him over the years, during those times of darkness. “It is how you saved me.”
“You saved you,” Hope says firmly. “But if I helped, then I’m glad.”
“Always.” Morpheus kisses the hinge of his jaw. “What would I do without you?”
“Now you’re just coming on to me.”
Morpheus hums, not disagreeing.
“Admit it,” Hope says, tangling fingers in Morpheus’s hair. “You’re into it. When I come home all bloody.”
“Mm. I am not.”
“Oh, you are. I can tell.”
Morpheus skates a hand up along his thigh. “Hm. Perhaps it makes you seem very fierce.” He kisses Hope’s mouth this time, swipes his tongue soothingly over his split lip, tasting just the tantalizing hint of blood. Leans in and—
“Ow!”
Morpheus pulls back, raising an eyebrow. Hope looks sheepish, pressing his hand to his nose, which Morpheus had bumped. Hope’s non-human body will heal quickly, but for now his nose remains at least partially broken.
Morpheus keeps giving him an unimpressed look. “I see you are gravely wounded.” Hope catches him by the hair before he can truly pull away, and he smiles. “I suppose… I will have to ply my mouth elsewhere. If you promise to be more careful.”
“For such a reward I’d promise anything,” Hope swears, and Morpheus obligingly sinks down, hands on Hope’s thighs. It is hardly a hardship.
“You do like this,” Hope swears. “Don’t try to pretend. You’re so transparent.”
“Perhaps you once punched a man in the face on my behalf, and perhaps I found it titillating,” Morpheus says, and Hope laughs. “Is it terrible if I wanted you to break his nose? Perhaps I am terrible. You do look appealing with blood on your hands. If it is not your own.”
Even Hope’s own torn, bruised knuckles do stir something in Morpheus, a fierce pride and terrible heat. But he worries for him also.
“Liar,” Hope crows, gleeful, “hypocrite. Terrible lecturer. You love it. You know you do.”
“Do not get yourself horribly maimed in a bar fight,” Morpheus orders. “However…” he takes one of Hope’s hands, kisses his knuckles, lets his lips linger there for a moment. “If you must be righteous and full of passion, then I will soothe your injuries later, oh knight of promise.”
“Terrible incentive, now I’m going to get worse,” Hope says. He caresses Morpheus’s cheek, thumbs at the corner of his mouth. His look on Morpheus is so fond, always. Then he says, “Alright, darling, for you, I’ll be careful.”
“Thank you.” Morpheus leans his face against Hope’s thigh, lets Hope play with his hair. In a moment he will indeed ply his mouth upon Hope’s body as promised, in a moment he will indulge the spark that Hope’s fierceness lights within him. But for this moment, he just stays close to him, a gentle valley in the topography of Hope’s violence. Morpheus has never been gentle for anyone before. He finds he likes it.
Hope leans down, smiling, and kisses the top of his head.
~
Morpheus does not like to be “out and about.” In fact, he generally detests it. But Hope likes to be out among people and Morpheus likes to be with Hope, so sometimes he goes. Besides, he likes to see Hope happy.
The White Horse is a safe space for them, anyway. Morpheus does not feel so uncomfortable there as he does at other crowded, loud establishments. He sits in his usual corner seat at the bar, nursing a drink and working on his writing, leaning lightly against Hope’s shoulder as Hope chats with whomever has come up to him now. He tends to attract people wherever he goes. Fortunately, no one has tried to start a fight, this time.
Hope leans in close to his ear. “Get some air with me?”
Morpheus smirks. Inevitably, getting some air will turn into Hope pushing him up against a wall and kissing him senseless. He is hardly opposed to that series of events.
Cold air washes over him as Hope leads him out to the back garden, around the corner to a private spot in the alley by the inn. It makes his hands feel even warmer as he takes Morpheus by the hips, leans him up against the wall as expected, thumbs stroking over his hip bones under his shirt. Morpheus smiles to himself.
“Did you get bored?” he teases.
Hope kisses his cheek, then his jaw, leans in close to his ear. “Hardly. You know my mind is always on you no matter what. But you were being so patient.” He tugs on Morpheus’s ear, then goes to his throat, kissing along his pulse. “How could I not reward my darling?”
“Knowing that I am the one you will go home with is its own reward,” Morpheus murmurs. He trails a hand up Hope’s back, pulls him close so their bellies are pressed together. “So many of those people in there want you. I see it. But they do not know that you are already taken.” It makes him feel privileged. And hungry.
Hope laughs. “Possessive little bastard.”
“Yes.” Hope is so radiant. To be the one chosen by him… it makes Morpheus’s soul sing. “You are mine. I am yours.”
“Yours,” Hope agrees. With that he moves to Morpheus’s lips and kisses him deep. Morpheus hums in pleasure, opens his mouth to him. Tastes the beer lingering on his tongue. Sinks into the press of Hope’s fingers on his hips, and—
“In public? Disgusting.”
Hope pulls away from him, and Morpheus grumbles in displeasure. Hope turns to the mouth of the alley, where a strange man is standing, expression of, indeed, disgust on his face.
When they don’t respond, the man steps closer until he's almost in their space. Hope’s jaw clenches but, perhaps remembering how Morpheus had chastised him for always getting into fights, he doesn’t yet react.
“Can we help you?” Morpheus asks. Not politely.
“By taking that somewhere else,” says the strange man. His tone is aggressive. And most of his attention seems to be on Hope, rather than Morpheus, which Morpheus doesn’t like. Morpheus has noticed before that Hope’s presence inspires ire to jump to action as often as it inspires positivity and good works. But this is the first time he has seen such outright aggression.
Maybe some people really do hate Hope.
“Mind your own business,” says Hope, stiffly.
“You fags shouldn’t be allowed out in public, it’s an insult to respectable people.” He’s still primarily looking at Hope, and it's hard to say if it's because he is the one who looks more traditionally masculine between the two of them, or if it is because of the inherent draw of Hope as an Endless. “Should fuck a real woman instead of that.”
Hope takes a quick step forward at the man’s words, expression hard.
“Hope—” Morpheus starts. Do not get yourself hurt again, he means to say. As much as I enjoy you defending our honor I also like you well. For Hope may have supernatural qualities that prevent him from dying but he is not invulnerable. His powers lie in his empathy, his charisma. Emotion and community. But he takes a punch like any other man. Comes home to Morpheus with a black eye like anyone else would.
Hope stops sharply as if caught on a leash. And Morpheus immediately regrets speaking, for the other man crows in victory.
“What are you, his little bitch? You a man or not?”
Hope flinches despite himself. Not, Morpheus thinks, because he cares so much about a stranger’s sense of masculinity, but because he prides himself on being able to handle himself. On being able to defend his lover. On being able to stand on his own feet after being broken down into shards by his imprisonment.
Morpheus often feels anger, is too quick to it even, but he does not often act on it with violence. It is not so much that he disapproves of violence as that he dislikes the attention associated with causing a scene, and, being rather slight, is usually at a disadvantage in any physical confrontation besides. Cutting words are his weapons instead.
But watching Hope shrink back, the hurt that flashes over him—a terrible spark jumps inside Morpheus. Hope is stronger, is better, than any person he knows. Has been through hell and come out of it still with more empathy than Morpheus has ever possessed in his life. Morpheus will not watch him made small.
He steps forward and punches the man square in the nose.
He hears a crunch. He’s not sure if it’s the nose, or his own knuckles. The man wheels back with a shriek, clutching his bleeding nose, and Morpheus stumbles back, too, shaking out his hand.
Hope has his hands over his mouth in shock, eyes wide. “Holy shit.” When he drops his hands, he’s grinning. “Holy shit.”
Holy shit indeed. Morpheus watches the man scamper off down the alley, casting one last dark look back at them. His hand hurts, he might have broken it—but the adrenaline pumping through his veins is much louder. He can’t quite believe he did that.
“How’d that feel?” Hope asks. He is a terrible influence sometimes. Always roping Morpheus into doing terrible things, like wanting to live.
A smile tugs at Morpheus’s lips. “It felt… good.”
“Yeah?” He’s still grinning madly. “Let me see your hand.”
Morpheus shows him. Hope prods gently at his knuckles, and winces.
“That’s gonna hurt for a while,” he says. “Your punching technique is terrible.” He kisses Morpheus’s hand anyway.
“Now you understand how I feel when you come home bloodied,” Morpheus says.
Hope’s eyes are sparkling. He does not seem like he’s learned a lesson from that at all. “Oh, I do.” He leans in close, presses his lips to the corner of Morpheus’s mouth. “You were…” his voice is a low hum, “incredible.”
“Do I get a reward?” Morpheus asks dryly, though his breath quickens at Hope’s proximity, the heat in his voice.
“For defending my honor? Anything.” He takes Morpheus’s uninjured hand. He smiles. He’s altogether too excited about Morpheus punching someone. Which only makes Morpheus want to do it again. Terrible influence, Hope. “Come home, and I’ll show you.”
But Morpheus catches him when Hope starts to tug him away. “Here.”
Hope raises an eyebrow at him, but he does look… interested. “Something to prove?”
Morpheus draws him close again, leans back against the wall so Hope is caging him in. “Perhaps I simply want you, and I do not care who knows about it.”
He touches low on Hope’s belly, his hand hidden between their bodies. He is not willing to truly expose them—though they are somewhat sequestered in the alley at the moment—but to play with the idea is… arousing. He wants Hope to touch him. Here, in their place. After Morpheus has hurt someone for him.
He cannot blame Hope for this. Morpheus is just a terrible influence upon himself.
“Menace,” Hope chuckles. “You’ve no high ground left, you know that, right? You’ve obliterated it.”
“I never did,” Morpheus says, as Hope lets him draw him in and kisses along his neck. “Always you have been the better of us.”
“In terms of exhibitionism, maybe,” Hope says. Even now, he won’t let Morpheus truly criticize himself. “I could be persuaded, though.”
With that, he slots their lips together. Sucks on Morpheus’s lower lip as he pushes him harder against the wall, Morpheus’s back scraping the brick. Morpheus groans, pulls him close by his hips so Hope’s swiftly-hardening erection is pressed against his, and Hope’s breath hitches against his mouth.
“Should I give you a proper reward?” Hope murmurs.
“Yes,” Morpheus breathes. “Hope—”
He loves Hope so much. He wants Hope so much.
“Vicious little thing, I love you so,” Hope says. And then, in the darkened alley by their favorite place, with his hands and mouth and the weight of his body and his devotion, he goes about showing Morpheus just how much.
#this has been sitting almost finished in my drafts for months...#dreamling#my writing#hope of the endless#hope x morpheus#cw homophobia#writing hate speech even for the purposes of the story (morpheus getting to punch someone) feels so fucking CRINGE like can you imagine#behaving like that. i think instead of countering hate speech with logic we should just start cringing at people like oh my god you talk#like that? 😬 cringe. you kiss your mother with that mouth? wow. everybody point and laugh at this idiot. the power of public shaming#anyway if it sounds super fucking cringe in the fic i apologize 😂
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Hehe this man is broken and severely emotionally distressed. Silly lovable guy but given self esteem issues because of the crushing weight of perfectionism. Not so funny if you think about it too long. But at least on the upside he cries pretty :))
No but seriously for all those who relate to Mr. Puzzles just want you to know your accomplishments alone do not define your value and worth as a person. Even when you’re a messy work in progress, you are loved and appreciated more than you may recognize. Thank you for being here. Don’t get me wrong it’s good to be idealistic and set goals, but don’t undermine yourself if you don’t get that perfect score….or if you start to fall behind compared to everyone else. Everyone goes through those moments of doubt or perceived failure. We need to fail every once in a while. And that’s okay
…a-anyways funny goofy dramatic TV guy we love him so much so silly so slay he lives in my head rent free yipeee. This animation is dedicated to him because if anyone in the cast deserved a feature length film it was definitely him, and he sure took up the spotlight in Puzzlevison and absolutely owned it. I’m excited for his future endeavors ✨
#someone please how did I make this in two days wh-#wow wow wow what’s going on here how did I do that this is scary super powers being unlocked right now#Mr. Puzzles hyperfixation give me strength and motivation to get shit done I guess??? yay???#like holy shit I’m so productive in my art all the sudden whats this feeling of dopamine and happiness-#WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEPRESSION WHERE’D IT GO#sir really stepped into my brain and yeeted my depression saying ‘looks like you won’t be needing that anymore’#and now he things he can just puppeteer me around to make countless art pieces in his image and honor??#he’s using me as his pawn to spread his glorious face around the internet HELP jksjksp#no actally don’t it’s very comfortable and freeing here I love letting my silly fixations go rampant <3#I don’t even need to think about what I want to do art stuff just happens naturally#CHEERS TO FICTIONAL MEN YIPEEE#wow he’s so mentally ill just like me fr /j#also now I’m staring to guilt trip myself because I feel bad watching him cry even though I’M THE ONE WHO ANIMATED IT WHYYYY#hplonesome art#mr. puzzles animation#smg4 mr puzzles animation#mr puzzles smg4 animation#sad mr puzzles#mr. puzzles crying animation#smg4 mr puzzles#mr. puzzles smg4
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What ships with Tighnari would you consider?
i won't tell anything because I am scared of being cooked
#if i do brainrot on a pair concernin nari i dont think romance is include but#kavehnari albenari tighrose. concretely.#since I enjoy sucrose aroace I highly imagine a queerplato tighrose#for kavnari it is more because I follow an artist I love and they sometime draw them and since their art makes happy i just accept it#(wow the power a artist can handle is terrifying)#and for albenari i just enjoy it in small amount#i am not into it nor do ship them but i am like “oh okay sure!”. and. huh. i literally drew them too. because it was fun.#i consider nari also findin dehya so cool and attractive but that's stop here#but maybe for dehya i am just projecting so please ignore this#but I MAINLY stay w bro being single because he just dont care and doesn't feel romance affection#but tbh.. i really don't mind seeing other ship#but this is something i won't search#“i won't say anything” then proceed to say everything in tag maybe I am just not bold 😭#reply
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Someone hasn't been wearing bras this week 🥵
✨So bouncy✨
#really me before you ask#s1ut#daddy’s babygirl#i feel so powerful wow#older men do it better#It's been cold here 🥶#They're always hard I love it 🥰#Pray it stays 🙏#Pray I stay 🙏
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meow
#i feel like i should have made his ears a little bigger in th first pic. maybe ill go back and edit it later#GET WRINKLED IDIOT#i first thought of drawing him as a sphinx cat bc i looked at his third eye like hm... if he had wrinkles he could hide his eye#its also very fun imagining him wearing head coverings and hoods cause hes so fucking nakey#kinda makes me wanna draw him more... sphinxes are fun to draw. i kinda wanna make a sphinx design now <- loves designing characters#a thought i had while drawing this is that if only few had seen narinder before (like the lamb and previous vessels) then not many would#know what he looks like. since hes supposed to be death and the only time you see him is when you die and pass on i guess??#so i think it would be an interesting situation if the lamb just introduced narinder as some guy without telling anyone he is or used to be#the one who waits.. smth like a false idolatry situation so everyones like. oh wow our leader has been channeling the messages#of the one who waits for so long its almost like they have become death itself!! ^_^ and narinder is just. standing there#maybe if he gets enough power he can grow more eyes between his wrinkles like in his eldritch form. that would b cool#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl fanart#my art#myart#doodles#the one who waits
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i finally finished the aeneid and even in the very last lines aeneas is absolutely haunted and hunted by destiny. i found it disturbing
in the iliad the presence of destiny is felt in the way the heroes throw themselves at fighting and death in the name of eternal fame, kleos etc, they are aware of what awaits them and they’re running toward it. achilles comes to troy knowing for certain that he will die, his destiny is inescapable but he is fine with that, he wants eternal glory, he will die for it, he accepts that before he even sets sail for troy. hector knows and accepts that his fate is intertwined with troy’s fate. aeneas is different from these other heroes, he wants glory of course like everyone else does but he never seems to want more than to defend troy. but after troy falls, he’s propelled forward by the will of the gods and nothing more. he wants to die in troy like hector and paris but the gods don’t want him to. they show him his destiny—to found rome—and he doesn’t want it, he tries to fight it. it never works.
he falls in love with dido, he starts to build homes for his people in her kingdom, the gods send messengers and portents to push him toward italy. he reaches acestes’s town and starts to build homes there and the gods send him messengers and portents again. he is always aware of his destiny and still he tries to settle down anyway! he keeps starting to build a home somewhere and has it ripped from him over and over!
when aeneas gets his special armor from aphrodite, there’s this really beautiful moment where aeneas looks upon the special shield created for him by the gods and sees upon it intricately carved patterns of stories of his future, the roman empire and all the heroes and achievements of people he will never know but has sacrificed everything for against his will. and he takes the armor and with it the “fate and fame of his descendants” even though he doesn’t know what that is. it’s sad reading on about the battle that he fights and loses so many faithful friends to later, fighting for rome and not knowing what rome is, a pawn of the gods until the very end of the poem
#i have so many feelings about aeneas!!!! he’s such a cool character!!#i love the end of the aeneid it’s almost a fuck you lol#i know this is mostly roman propaganda but having aeneas kill turnus while the man is on his fuckin knees was so good it felt like he was#taking back some of that power he acceded to the gods#also he’s very cute 😭 he really doesn’t know what’s going on#every time the gods show him the future (Caesar etc) he’s just like wow that’s….. something… 🫥 he has no idea what’s going on#I feel bad for him he’s just used by the gods in a way that achilles etc weren’t#anyway lol#im reading divine comedy next let’s just read all famous epic poems this year#the aeneid#the iliad#classics#aeneas
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part of the process of learning to take responsibility for your actions is learning what things you can't take responsibility for. not just to protect you (e.g., from your own feelings of guilt; from people taking advantage of your willingness to take responsibility by attributing blame to you unfairly), but because to take responsibility is not just to say "it was my fault and i'm sorry" but to actually do things (to make amends and to mitigate and prevent future harm), and if you don't understand what to take responsibility for, you aren't going to understand how to take responsibility.
there is a lot that's outside of your control. people put a lot of emphasis on forgiveness in a way that i think is missing the point. being forgiven is not my priority. my priority is that i am doing what it is in my power to do. i can't control how that's received. i'd like it to be received well; i'm doing what i'm doing because i want to repair harm that i have caused to another person, so it matters to me if what i'm doing is actually achieving that goal or not. but there's only so much that i can do to achieve that goal, and if i'm doing it, and the harm is not repaired, that's okay. that's beyond my control. i have to make my peace with the fact that i've caused harm to another person that is not resolved, because i'm doing what i can and i have to continue living on this earth, and in continuing to live i'm going to be living with the fact of that unresolved harm. the most important thing at that point is for me to use my knowledge of the specific ways in which my actions harmed that person to change my behavior going forward to avoid causing that harm again, to the extent that that's within my power.
it doesn't do anyone - you or the people you have harmed - any good for you to assign responsibility to yourself for things that you can't control. if you're going to attempt the active work of repair and change you have to first identify what it's possible to repair and change. you can't actually repair a relationship all by yourself! you can only change your own behavior. you can only offer amends to the other person that they may or may not find sufficient. not to go all serenity prayer on you but guilt for the sake of guilt just makes you feel way more powerful than you actually are (because you think that everything happened because of you) and at the same time completely incapable of exercising your power (because you don't understand what your power actually is). to effect change you have to focus on the things you can actually change. focusing on the things you can't change is a problem not just because it's taking your focus away from the things you can change, but because it means you don't actually understand the sphere of your own influence. you're operating under what is essentially a self-centered worldview in which you could make everything better, you could prevent all harm, if only you were trying harder, if only you were a better person. who does that serve? it doesn't reflect reality. it makes you hate yourself and feel sorry for yourself at the same time, and it doesn't actually improve things for the people you harmed. it doesn't help keep you from harming people in the future, because you don't understand the territory and the limits of the causal relationship between your actions and other people's reactions to them.
you can only do what you can do. what you can't do, you can't do, and you can't take responsibility for doing, either in the past or present. after you realize that there is harm to repair the next step in the process of repair is to ask yourself what your responsibility is for the past and what your agency is going forward. everything else will follow from that. you simply cannot skip that step.
#this is so hard to think about and talk about because it's so nebulous. it's comforting to have some hard and fast rule instead#'take responsibility for the harm you have caused' sounds good but what does it actually mean?#you are responsible for your harmful actions. you can't be responsible for the actual feelings of other people#it obfuscates what you can actually do. which makes you think that you are both all-powerful and#powerless to make amends or change#but adding any nuance to the discussion just sounds like apologism. and could easily be used by bad actors (e.g. abusers)#to justify their completely insincere attempts to apologize and change#accountability#responsibility#restorative justice#guilt#learning and growing#apology#forgiveness#wow i have a lot of tags relevant to this haha#my posts#you can tell i gave up on sleeping and got out of bed because of the absence of typos which means i have my glasses on#fare thee well to my theoretical night of restful sleep. hello day before me that i have to navigate on three hours of sleep and#terrible head neck and shoulder pain :/
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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My gift for the @technoblade-gift-exchange !! i was assigned to @simplepotatofarmer who asked for dsmp rivals duo. i hope you like it Loyal!
rambling about headcanons, designs, and my process and stuff under the readmore, because i wanna talk about it but dont want the post to be super long !!
i had originally planned to not have a background and then at the last second i decided to speedrun drawing one in a few hours so um. quality difference but its fine. also unrelated but im pretty sure everything about how i draw animals and anthros makes it very obvious i used to be in the warrior cats fandom lol. anyway onto the designs!!
the gold on techno is scars from the totem at the execution, which i think is a pretty common thing for techno designs. he isnt supposed to be a piglin, but rather similar species of anthropomorphic pig. also his mane and tail fluff are naturally brown but he dyes them pink ^_^ so cool !! um. i maaayyy have forgotten the crown until i was way too far into the piece to add it. haha. oops. pretend its missing because. uuh. hes in a casual outfit. "but he still has the cape" yeah its comfy. "but dream has a mask thats not casual" dream is dream he does Not relax fully ever. see entirely intentional i would never make a mistake.
dream is an original shapeshifter species i came up with because i couldnt decide what i wanted him to be. i havent decided on a name for the species yet but i plan to make almost every solid-color or nearly solid color mcyt into this species. theyre mostly involuntary/unconscious shapeshifters. so like they change slowly over weeks or months to adapt to their surroundings, with little conscious control. basically i wanted him to be like five different things so i shoved them together lol, rabbit ears but in a pattern that looks like an axolotl, a cool tail, TOE BEANS tho you cant see them. this was actually the first time ive ever had a dream design im happy with so thats really nice.
i um. i made full use of my time lol, i spent a bit over a week on the lineart, another week on the coloring, and maybe a week and a half on rendering. unless i suddenly became shit at math(which is possible) that adds up to roughly the amount of time i had to work on it. im really proud of myself actually since i usually take a while to do art, and i wasnt sure i would be able to make something id be happy with in this amount of time. but i did! woah!! this was my first time participating in a fandom gift exchange and it was so fun, and also helped motivate me to draw more instead of getting distracted like i usually do (classic adhd moment) lol. anyway super cool!!
Loyal if u decided to read all this for some reason then again i really hope u like it!! u are so cool and i really love ur rivals duo opinions and creations so i hope u like this! i know theres been shit happening lately, i hope ur doing ok!!
#technoblade#dreamwastaken#rivals duo#dream smp#dreblr#technogiftexchange#<- thats the tag right?#also wow i think i said too many words. i dont think anyone else rambled that much about their gift. um. in my defense the only thing more#powerful than my written language learning disorder is my adhd and autism. so. yeah. lots of words.#aaaaaa i feel like how i wrote everything is so awkward. i am just a creature imitating others i have no idea how to interact with people..#hmmm. posting now before anxiety gets the better of me!#edit: wait fuck i forgot my art tag. how do i ALWAYS forget my art tag.#chara makes things
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