#yasha headcanons

[demigoddessqueens]

Hello there can I request a reader whose a bard and they're trying to flirt with the Mighty Nein through song since they don't know how to flirt and try to flirt through Muisc

Oh I love this idea!! ✨

Masterlist 11

“Flirting” as a bard would include…

Jester, Nott/Veth, Caleb immediately know what you’re trying to say, pulling you in for a hug and maybe sneak a kiss

Fjord is of course flattered with your choice of song and dance, especially if you add elements of a sea shanty to it

Essek tries to keep his cool composure but you see a raspberry tint to his cheeks as he sinks into his chair

It takes a while for Cadeuces to understand who you’re referring to before you point at him in the “youuuuu 💕” lyrics

Yasha and Beau are the types to swing you into a dance mid-song

Meanwhile, Mollymauk is only adding fuel to the fire by still trying to flirt with you incessantly

[mini-minish]

m9 pirate + essek joins earlier + speedrun any% au 🏝

disclaimer these are just sillies for fun bc i wanted more pirate times please don't think too much about plot divergences; feel free to add your own ideas in the mix!

spoilers for the mighty nein

• fjord becomes a captain earlier

• caleb escapes the prision earlier

• while on the run and covered in tears and mud, he meets beauregard in one of her many cobalt soul escapes

• a lone half-orc captain with a cursed sword but no ship or crew walks into a bar, sees two anxious looking humans in the corner: a scrawny woman with a grumpy face and a scrawnier ginger with a towel to his recently broken nose

• seems easy enough.

• girls night!!! they steal their first boat

• rule #1 of stealing methods of transportation is that you should watch out for blue tieflings stowaways trying to get as far away from a recent problem as possible

• back on land they loose beau (got got by the soul ☝️😔), caleb gets locked up in a shady storage while looking for her and there he meets nott the brave

• fjord's first response upon seeing a goblin following his navigator is to pull the sword on it

• nott's first response upon seeing some green dude shove a sword in her face is to pull her crossbow at him

• they look up and down for beau, but she finds her way back to them eventually

• still, they'll need more hands if they want to keep their totally legally owned ship afloat

• still on land, The Circus Plot happens and they acquire two more crew members 🎉

• molly loves the ocean, yasha likes the wind

• all of them like to go up to the crow's nest and bother caleb, nott more than the others; eventually he stops hiding up there so much

• yasha starts getting anxious about her unfinished business at the same time jester stars getting anxious about their clothes not being pirate-y enough

• they lose their first ship (of pristine papers as long as you don't look at them in the light) and have to travel on land until they manage to borrow a new one without asking it's owner and with promises of never returning it

• they also lose molly :(

• but they get caduceus :) who's not very keen on being in a boat for long periods of time but he'll adjust

• one thing he'll have in common with the cat

• fjord has a problem: The Voices in his head telling him to get back on the water

• jester has a conundrum: they got all of these nice, proper pirate outfits but now they have no ship

• love wins

• she did get frumpkin his very own little coat

• in the night, as the mighty nein crew wispers around two pushed together inn tables, a cloaked figure approaches upon hearing they are in need of help

• dezran, or dez, for short, for friends, an inconspicuous sun elf from, you know, around these parts, who is in dire need of work and oh would your captain be so kind to-

• insight checks fly around the pushed together inn tables

• but all of them know each of them is running from something or someone, and not all of them have a destination in mind, so really it's not like they're going to ask.

• plus nott thinks she saw a really nice boat on the dock with it's lights all out

• welcome aboard!

• cue the guy running from stealing things having to steal things

• cue a disguised drow's inventory slots full of the strongest sunscreen balm he could find this side of the continent

• maybe caduceus or jester finds out first, around when ess- dez, for friends, got a little too reckless and a little too hurt some time or other

• but the wildmother shows caduceus a lonely star when he asks, and artagan hasn't been paying attention, and anyways that's dez, that's right, their friend who has been nothing but helpful and fun, if a little skittish depending on the weather, and who always tries jester's pastries

• besides, far from him being the only person with a fake identity at the function. he's not that special.

• when fjord and beau find out, they're suspicious, but they won't make him walk the plank. there's protocol for that.

• yasha is not one to question someone running from their past

• when nott the brave finds out, she doesn't ask what he really looks like

• when caleb widogast finds out, during a siege on the ship, he grabs essek's arm and sees the drow underneath the disguise, and wants to know who are you, but circumstances are that later, they'll talk about this later.

[railroad-migraine]

Hello! I was wondering if you could write a Mighty Nein version of the hiding in the alley together Bell's hells scenario you wrote? I really loved your Bell's hells one! Thanks!

Thank you darling! I love that post so much too 🥰

Bell's Hells version 💙

Tight Squeeze (hiding in an alley together)

Beau 💜

You're standing on her toes, and her elbow is poking harshly into your side, and you both just don't know where to look. "Sorry, I'll scoot over a little bit-" "No, wait, hang on a sec-" Awkward scrambling ensues. You whisper and try to convince her to put up with the closeness until you guys are safe, but she. Just. Won't. Listen. Eventually, her squirming has you both off centre and reaching for each other for balance, and she murmurs a quiet: "... oh."

Beau isn't a romantic, never has been, and she's never really gazed into someone's eyes as purposefully as she is right now. You're fucking gorgeous. How has she never stopped to just look at you before? Have you always been so... You blink in confusion as she seems to soften, ever so slightly, calming down enough to breathe in sync with you.

You feel a palm drag itself up your arm, up, up, up until she finally cradles your jaw. And you both stand there, unmoving, for who knows how long, before she eventually tears herself away from you and the alley with a grumble. You take a moment to recover from the intense look in her eye, running after Beau only when she calls your name to hurry up.

-

Caleb 💜

His mouth is puckered in a tight frown as he looks anywhere but your face. It's an incredibly tight squeeze where you've found yourselves, so narrow that you're effectively pinning the wizard to the wall behind him. Your palms rest flat at either side of his neck and his hands have curled into little fists between your chests. Your heartbeat is thundering in your ears - or maybe it's Caleb's - you're not quite sure whose it is when you're this close together.

It's incredibly quiet. Awkward, even. So you say something. Anything. A stupid comment on how this is like a cheesy scene in one of the awful smutty books that's been passed around the group, and he can't help but huff a laugh and try to hold back an amused smile. His shoulders relax and he rests his head against the wall to finally get a better look at you, and something makes you lean your head towards him, following his lead. His lips part slightly as you move closer and-

Nott/Veth calling both your names from outside the alley jerks your faces apart, and Caleb very hurriedly inches away from you. "We should, ah..." He reluctantly shuffles towards the road, adjusts unkempt hair and smooths down the front of his coat, fingers twisting the buttons shyly. "W-we should go join the others, ja?" His heart sings at the simple touch of you linking pinkies with him. It's a quiet message he doesn't need to worry about deciphering.

-

Fjord 💜

"Beggin' your pardon." You can't help but snort. Even in times of peril, in situations where you're taking cover from the intense fighting outside of alleyways, Fjord still manages to treat you well and act the perfect gentleman. He shushes you, smiling himself, and it briefly feels like you're the only two people in the world - except for those in the battle mere feet away from your hiding spot.

His eyes soften as you share a secret grin with him, but not in the way you'd like. He clears his throat, peeks out of the gap of the alley."Look, I know this isn't an ideal situation but..." You say his name sweetly, urge him to look up from the ground to meet your gaze, and you see colour quickly spread across his neck in embarrassment. He swallows thickly and looks away, and breathes out the quietest shuddering sigh.

A hesitant hand reaches out for yours, and you grip it tight before he can regret taking the leap. The rest of the Nein find you both in that same position minutes later once the battle had officially ended and it was safe to leave, all tangled fingers and soft gazes. Fjord never wants to let go.

-

Jester 💜

"Are you gonna kiss me?" She's a little cross eyed, a little flushed and out of breath, and so so pretty this close up. Her eyes flick between your own, both your noses just barely grazing. "It feels like now would be a good time to kiss me." And it does.

But the moment is ruined when a swarm of soldiers charges right by the alley's entrance, and Jester lunges forward to hug you close. Together you find yourselves huddled further in the shadows while the enemy runs right by your hiding spot. She's so soft in your arms, perfect - it's like she belongs there - and you want to tell her that, but saying so out loud would easily blow your cover. So you settle for keeping her close, a hand in her hair while she ducks her head under your chin.

You wait until the last soldier has gone before you reluctantly remove yourself from the tiefling (who visibly pouts) and peek outside the alley. Once the coast is clear, you look over your shoulder, only to find Jester already looping arms with you. She smiles, this time confidently, and you enter daylight once more with no mention of the almost-kiss.

-

Mollymauk 💜

He doesn't say a word. Which, y'know, is ideal when skulking about in an abandoned alley, away from prying eyes of spies and mercenaries - but the way how Mollymauk is not-so-subtly glancing your way every few seconds is awfully distracting. You lightly push against his chest, tell him in a hushed voice to stop smirking so much, that this is a very serious situation. "What? Can I not look at you now? Can I not enjoy the little things while we fear for our lives? Who knows when I'll see something so lovely again~"

You push him again, a little more forcefully this time, and he actually barks a laugh, sways back to you and tilts his head with sticky fondness. There's a sudden commotion nearby - heavily armoured folk who suddenly look in the direction of the sound and touch their weapons suspiciously. Quick thinking in the moment has you press your body closely to Molly's, making your forms fit within shadow, and cover his mouth with your hand.

And he's silent again, but his expression has changed. He never looks away from you, nor you him, both of you holding breaths in anticipation - of being discovered, or of something more passionate, you are not completely sure - but the moment is never interrupted. When all is safe and sound once more after the hired fighters evacuate the nearby area, he slowly peels your hand away and presses a single, simple touch of his lips to your palm. It's barely even a kiss, but you don't mind. It's nothing. It's something. It's a promise.

-

Yasha 💜

She's... Well, you already knew that she was tall before this, but you never really knew exactly how tall Yasha was until you were up against each other in a tiny alleyway in some fancy town neither of you know the name of. It's a small space, and there are hired thugs sniffing around town looking for you and the Nein, but you feel so safe with the barbarian - a protective barrier between you and the rest of the world. Your face warms at the thought.

She peers down at you with a blank expression, and you expect awkward silence, but she surprises you with: "Well this is quite cosy, isn't it?" It's dark in the alley, but she can see the wrinkles by your eyes when you smile at her. Good. That'll ease the tension immensely... And the slightly nervous pitter patter of her heart.

Despite it all, she's a little flustered being so close to you. It's weirdly intimate caging you in, and she curses under her breath quietly when you look away bashfully and bite your lip with a grin. She's obviously done something right when you gently rest a hand on her arm and ease her wandering mind. She still feels that touch hours after, and wonders if you're thinking of it too.

-

Kingsley 💜

You don't want to admit it, but you're panicking. What started off as a cheeky side quest quickly spiralled into a catastrophe, and you now find yourself in a claustrophobic space with bad guys on your tails, and you have grazed knees after tripping earlier and you're stuck with your most charming friend who looks at you like he loves you, and it's all too much, and- "Hey, keep your eyes on me."

Kingsley is holding your face in his hands, and you can barely make out his crimson eyes in the dark, but you know he's giving you that look again. "We're gonna be fine, we're gonna get out of this. I'll buy you a drink later, you'll see." You want to believe him, even as your heart drums loudly in your chest, leftover adrenaline dulling in your veins. You follow his lead, breathe in, and breathe out as you move to hold the wrists of his hand that are cupping your face still. You find calm, and he looks proud. Maybe it's only a shadow of an expression in the dark though.

Instead of leading you back towards the ship, Kingsley takes you by the hand and dances around the crowded marketplace towards a quiet tavern on the outskirts of town. He reaches out and holds the door open for you, and grins when you look puzzled."I owe you a drink, remember?"

[hello-eeveev]

Yet another ace week wherein we get to see the Mighty Nein, the most acespec-coded party of all time, so aces stay winning now and forever 🖤🤍💜

[keyleth-clay]

Happy pride month, everyone! To celebrate, I decided to make a whole bunch of character pride icons!

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜Part 2: The Mighty Nein (+ my favourite C2 guest characters)❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Canon identities where applicable, and my personal headcanons/interpretations to fill in the gaps. Click the alt text for the name of each flag, if there's any that you're unfamiliar with. All character art by Ariana Orner. Feel free to use; credit isn't necessary, but I won't say no if you want to give it!

[you-poopin]

Caleb being the first one to meet Beau and Yasha's new baby, just a few days after they bring them home from the orphanage.

He doesn't mean to be the first, he just wants to check on them, figures they're busy and wants to check on Yasha's garden to make sure it still looks alright.

Beau sees him outside, calls him a creep, invites him in. He tries to refuse, but Yasha steps behind her, baby on her hip and all but insists, so he caves.

And he meets this tiny little thing, who smiles at him and without asking, Yasha passes him the baby.

And Beau calls him Uncle Caleb.

And Caleb just melts.

[yikes-ajax]

I love how everyone is freaking out over Essek being threatened by Trent, meanwhile I was out here hyped up by the mere thoughts of him, not even aware there was a reunion happening. Everyone was suddenly going feral about him and I was like "huh, must be a full moon, all the thelyss enjoyers are howling"

[onewolfaday]

025. yasha nydoorin but werewolf au

[mogai-headcanons]

Beauregard Lionett from Critical Role is an autistic transfeminine monkic nonbinary human lesbian with PTSD, ADHD, and BPD who uses she/her pronouns!

She's dating Yasha Nydoorin, an autistic selectively mute transfeminine barbarianic agender angelgender stormlikic aasimar lesbian with PTSD who uses she/her and ae/aer pronouns!

They're both dating Jester Lavorre, an autistic hypervebal bluegender transneutral clericic trickgender pilullipopic nonbinary sillycute aurethesia genderqueer fungender tiefling girl with ADHD and PTSD who uses they/them and she/her pronouns!

Jester is in an unlabeled relationship with Fjord, a bi gay warlockic paladinic half-orc man with PTSD who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!

Fjord is in a wavership with Caduceus Clay, an autistic aroace gay deathgender aurethesia clericic nonbinary trans firbold man who uses he/him, ey/em, and grave/graves pronouns!

Caleb Widogast is an autistic bisexual wizardic trans human man with PTSD and BPD who uses he/him pronouns, and he considers himself Beau's semi-brother!

He's dating Essek Thelyss, an autistic demirose wizardic nonbinary gay drow man with chronic pain, AVPD, and PTSD who uses he/him, they/them, and shadow/shadows pronouns!

They're all friends with Mollymauk Tealeaf, an autistic pansexual queenkingish tiefleic genderqueer genderfluid transfeminine nonbinary royalpeafowlic tiefling with DID who uses any pronouns. but prefers he/him and she/her, and also goes by Molly!

Molly used to be the system's host, but now shares that role with Kingsley Tealeaf, an autistic aromantic pansexual genderqueer transneutral xenogender genderfluid tiefling who uses any pronouns, but prefers they/them and neopronouns!

Molly is dating another alter of his, Lucien Tavelle, a pansexual aroallospec agenderfluid transfeminine tiefling who uses any pronouns, but prefers he/him, it/its, eye/eyes, and nine/nines! Nine used to be the system's host before Molly, but is now the system's protector and rarely fronts!

Veth Brenatto is an autistic biht trans halfling woman with an alcohol addiction, PTSD, and OSDD-1b who uses she/her pronouns!

Her alter Nott the Brave is a caedaroace transfeminine nonbinary goblin girl who uses she/her and it/its pronouns!

Veth and Nott both consider Caleb to be a sort of son to them!

dni link

[amazingmsme]

what do you think are the worst tickle spots of all of the mighty nein?

My answers with no rhyme or reason, just solely based on vibes

Jester- tail, neck/ears, thighs & tummy

Fjord- armpits/biceps, belly, hips & thighs

Beauregard- back, ribs, armpits/biceps & feet

Yasha- neck/ears, back, thighs, & hips

Mollymauk- tail, all the eyes, feet, knees, hips & ribs

Caleb- RIBS, tummy, armpits, sides, feet, back, basically anywhere & everywhere

Nott/Veth- feet, tummy, sides, & thighs

Caduceus- ears/neck, back (especially his spine) ribs, feet/ankles, knees & ribs

Essek- ears/neck, feet, palms, sides, tummy & armpits

Kingsley(yes he gets his own)- tail, ribs, belly & thighs

[demigoddessqueens]

Mighty nien x reader S/O. Yet the reader had gone missing and then they found their S/O so it is filled with angst, fluff and comfort.

Take as much time as you need have a lovely day

Oh this kinda reminds me of VM s2 when Vax runs to Vex 🥲💔

Masterlist 11

Caleb

The voice is ragged and broken as he stumbles over to see you, hands roaming over your body as he crushes you into a hug, “don’t ever scare me like that again”

Jester

You’ve rarely seen her upset because Jester never gets upset. She’s the positive one, the jokester one, but here she is with chastising you and begging you don’t ever scare her like that

Fjord

The sea farer has lost his fair share of people to the sea and before, but almost losing track of you has scared him the most than any voyage. Holding you tight like “don’t ever scare me like that darlin’”

Mollymauk

Even when he’s had his near death experiences, never in a million years would he think the one that scarred him the most was yours, and you’ve never seen him more serious or solemn like that before

Cadeuces

The usual calm and collected one he is takes a complete 180 if you’re ever in danger, a calm sorrow that another one he cares for was almost lost

Nott/Veth

The rogue always had a trick with you of tackling your legs and knees when you least expected it, but you don’t indulge in it when she’s like this and scrambling for you when her fears were getting to her again

(Beau)regard

The monk’s arms feel like they’re crushing you entirely but you don’t protest, falling limp into her arms as she chastises you for scaring her

Yasha

Her ragged breaths and heaving chest pair along with the ringing in her ears, eyes are searching for you and for a split second she thinks her first love was there before it morphs into you running back to her

Essek

He’s usually so reserved but the Nein can see the facade breaking when he thinks you’re missing, hands amazing and voice wavering when you’ve returned safely and he has you in his arms

[eleiyaumei]

It's "Asexual Day" in @inuyashapridemonth but I felt like including aromantic and aroace in this as well (bc romantic identities are just as valid as sexual ones).

I can't draw well enough to contribute fanart so I hope some cheap photo manip is okay ^^'

Sesshōmaru is the most obvious character in IY to interpret as ace, aro or aroace. My teenage self who didn't know they were ace yet fell for him right away because of that (and bc of his androgynous/GNC looks) and started unconsciously writing an asexual romance.

Anyway, happy Pride Month, everyone!

[critcallyobsessed]

So hear me out, okay? I keep thinking about this head-canon, and it’s lowkey eating me alive. I just want you to know this is not at all in alignment with canon but I just really think it’s cute!

Caleb has a son…with Kingsley? (Image if you will that’s he’s trans)

I think that after life calms down, Beau and Yasha eventually get TJ (through whatever means necessary ) and obviously Veth has Luc. There comes a time when Jester and Fjord would settle down a bit and maybe adopt a child from the orphanage that Fjord grew up in, maybe even make one of there own, so Kingsley spends a year on the sea alone but eventually he would return to Nicodranus ((hopefully that’s close to how you spell it)) and Caleb comes to visit.

And it’s different then the last couple of times they’ve seen one another, Caleb is happier? And all those old feelings they shared even the ones from Lucian kind of resurface, and one thing leads to another, and it was maybe supposed to be a one night stand but those feelings just won't go away.

Caleb tells Essek (I image he's living in Emon working with Alira probably under a false name) and Essek is shockingly (at least to Caleb) very very cool with it. He wants Caleb to be happy and they can't see each other all the time so why not let Kingsley and Caleb explore their feelings???

In the end Kingsley gets pregnant and it's not exactly what he wants but Caleb gets excited and they decided to have the kid, Kayan (Zemian for Star a little nod to Essek). And Caleb raises him and I think he would look just like his Papa except he has one red eye like his Dad.

He probably grows up to be a kickass wizard like his Papa with some rouge from his God Mom and Dad.

And maybe a few years after Caleb has died Essek is on Wildmount and he sees a 20 something year old Caleb (who he knows is gone bc how could you forget the love of your life is dead? )And then he realizes who it is and has a little bit of a break down when Kayan walks over to him (disguised and all) and greets him like a perfect combination of Kingsley and Caleb, “Hello Herr Hot Boi”.

[scenessystem]

Mighty Nein ND/Disability Headcanons

Beauregard Lionett: C-PTSD & Depression

Caduceus Clay: Autism

Caleb Widogast: C-PTSD

Essek Thelyss: AVpD, PTSD

Fjord: ADHD, C-PTSD, & depression

Jester Lavorre: ADHD, Autism & PTSD

Marion Lavorre: Agoraphobia

Veth Branatto: ADHD & PTSD

Yasha Nydoorin: Autism & C-PTSD

[railroad-migraine]

Hey Poet! <3 First, thanks bunches for all that you do, your writing never fails to make me smile! If it's alright, may I please request Molly, Essek, Yasha and Caleb with a socially anxious F!teammate/friend or crush who's a half-dwarf? She usually passes for a short human, but her dwarven heritage shows in her body being hairier and a bit more thicc than the average human female, which makes her very self-conscious. Thank you and have a lovely day <3

Okay but first, you're adorable. And second, I never expected to have a request like this but I'm so so glad you sent it in. You're lovely, honey. Thank you x

~ Poet

Reassuring Fem!Reader about body hair

Caleb 💜

To be honest, as perceptive as he is, it's not something Caleb ever really regarded as something to be noted or commented on. Your hair is just another part of you, another piece of your body for him to admire - it's no different to how he loves your hands, your eyes, your smile... Cough not that he's ready to admit that he loves you yet tho cough

He's always looking out for you and can just sense when you're having a bad day. He gets them too. The perfect person to talk to about anxieties or insecurities with because he can share his own experiences with you. Together, you work to fight against the niggling voices in the back of your heads and grow stronger and accept this is who you are, and that's good.

He makes more of an effort to try convey how he feels for you. His pinky shyly links with your own and he mutters something about how nice you look today, how confidence suits you. You know he means it.

-

Molly 💜

Molly has never really been one to judge someone on their appearances, and you better believe he's not gonna start now. You are lovely. You are strong. You are healthy. You are so very normal (in a extraordinary way). You're hot, stop doubting yourself sm <3

King of reassurance and looking after you on days where you're less confident or more self conscious. Treats you like royalty, recommends and drags you to a spa day to treat yourself and ease your worries, make you feel pretty and comfortable in your skin.

Beauty standards and trends come and go. Your body, and the hair that comes with it, is yours for life. He wants you to learn to love it. If you let him, he sits you in front a mirror at a vanity and points out every single thing about your appearance that makes you special and beautiful and handsome. He kisses your cheek, and asks quietly for you to see yourself just as he does.

-

Yasha 💜

Yasha thinks you're the cutest thing. She's quite tall, and since you're smol in comparison, it's a huge win for her. Lifts you up like you weigh nothing, more than happy to hold you on her hip or on her shoulders. Likes how the sunshine catches on your hair and skin because you practically glow.

Is kinda hairy herself and stops shaving her arms when you confide in her. She never really had a preference to having or not having hair - it was more of a habit than anything else. She wants you to know that it's completely human to be as you are, and you don't have to change for anyone. Change because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.

She thinks that no one should feel like they have to conform to societal pressures and such. It can be hard, especially in the beginning, but she's with you every step of the way to give encouragement and reassurance when you need it. Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes, and you're no exception (°^°)

-

Essek 💜

Also enjoys the height difference. He's not super tall himself, but the levitation helps give the illusion that he is. Presses sweet lil kisses to your forehead when you least expect it only to see you flustered and smiley.

Hot boi finds it hard to grow hair anywhere other than the top of his head, so he actually likes the contrast between you two 🥺 You're soft and warm and he just holds you happily. There are qualities he seeks in potential partners, such as intelligence and emotional maturity and kindness. You have all of those. He likes the the shadows and the stubble and fuzz (no matter how thick) and everything that comes with you because it's you.

He also thinks it's nice that you physically show your dwarven heritage! He wants you to be happy and proud of your people, your background and where you've come from - it's just a reminder of how much he loves every single inch of you. Life is too short not to love your body, fluff and all xx

[you-poopin]

Yasha and Beau's oldest doesn't cry for her first few weeks home, because she was used to no one coming when she cried, and it freaks out her moms. So there's this tiny, terrified baby who absolutely will not cry even when she probably should cry (tired, cold, hungry, all the reasons babies cry) being looked after by nervous, first time parents. And so they just decide carry this kid around all day, every day, making sure all her needs are met and making sure she gets so much love and attention, because they need to show her that they will take care of her.

And then one day, the baby wakes up from a nap bawling and they nearly fall over themselves trying to get to her, to show her that they're there. And Beau is pretty sure she's never been happier to hear a kid cry in her entire life.