#i’m very sorry for venting

[stillgotscars]

does anyone have any tips for someone who is having one of those days where their chronic pain is so debilitating that the act of existing is starting to feel excruciatingly draining? asking for a friend.

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn��t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[quarterlifekitty]

I just wanna know if the boys will kill a spider for me - not capture and release, I'm talking insides on its outsides otherwise I will live in the artic where they have ZERO spiders (for now, yay global warming)

#not all lives are sacred such as Spiders, Pedophiles, Nazis, anyone who is a p.o.s

Okay, I was on the fence about posting this because I don’t want anyone to dogpile. Obviously there was no ill intent. But:

Please do not send me asks like this.

This is truly a very saddening thing for me to see. We are literally so fortunate to share our time on this earth with other creatures. Biodiversity is a blessing in our lives and a great source of beauty in the world. I am pleading with you not to wish death on things that you fear. Jumping spiders are able to see the very same moon in the sky that you do. It is deeply upsetting that you think that a bug you find gross or scary is at the same level as a Nazi or pedophile. What did spiders ever do to deserve that? You’re allowed to not like them, but it’s extremely cruel to say that their lives have no value just because you don’t like them. They have to eat and live and find a place for themselves just like you do, even when the world isn’t kind. They don’t know that you don’t want them in your house. I hope that if I find myself in a place where I’m not wanted, that I will be treated gently, and that my treatment will not be up to someone like you.

This might be kind of an overreaction. But this message really did make me so, so sad.

[your-unfriendlyghost]

mentally prepping myself for another 9.5 hr shift tomorrow…might end up committing a few minor crimes after but we’ll see

[angeldaisies]

tlh side of the fandom is dead anyway but even if it wasn’t i still wouldn’t interact because i’ve come to realize that people just don’t like herondaisy and that’s so disheartening to me. even people who do like them usually go “yes but *insert character that is actually better*” and i know people can like whoever they want of course and i know it’s not a competition of which ship/character is better but also it’s very tiring to come online and see your personal faves being disliked at worst and tolerated at best by basically everyone with very few exceptions.

[hom3landr]

Hail Mary

Homelander x Unnamed OC

She’d left the faith a long long long time ago. But with a quickly growing desperation, she decides to cry for help.

CW: This is very much a vent fic and Christian themes are prevalent. Also full disclosure, the relationship between Homelander and the OC in this fic is not fluffy and is perceived as one-sided from the OC’s pov.

Homelander is long asleep as she finishes her prayers. Her eyes sting from scrunching them closed, as though the discomfort will send the words up faster. She means every word. She may doubt the effectiveness but the sentiment is sincere. The hope is too, even though most people not privy to her thoughts would hardly call her a believer. 

Still, she’s nice and kinder than the people at Vought deserve. She’s so sickly sweet that it makes her stomach turn sometimes. It’s as if she’s trying to make up for his cruelty tenfold. She’s sure it’s appreciated. She highly doubts it’s respected. She knows it isn’t trusted. How could it be? When a soft word from her is quickly lost in the echo of his hatred.

She can’t change him with her love. It’s futile and stupid to believe so. He sees her as a warm body. An easy lay he can turn to when he doesn’t want to try too hard. Her adoration is appreciated…but not respected. He isn’t cruel to her but he isn’t exactly kind either. The only moments of true tenderness happen after a good fuck, and even those moments quickly fade. It didn’t used to be like this. Not until his grand plan. She’s human. A fact he was able to overlook before is now a dirty little secret. She knows when the time comes he’ll tie up this sordid loose end.

She opens her eyes and stares up at herself in the mirror. Her face is blank. The accusing stare of her other self having long given up the fight.  She pictures herself a martyr, dying for love. A blasphemy that threatens to cancel out her recent pleas to heaven. He’s rubbing off on her. She’s starting to inflate her own importance in order to justify some reason for her actions. Not unlike Homelander’s mad claims of his divinity. She chides herself. She doesn’t believe she can save him. But she holds one last hope that powers that are greater than her might. Faith during adversity, that has to count for something. Even if her backside hasn’t felt a pew since she was a teenager and this is a desperate hail mary to erase the writing on the wall.

“But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most”

Mark Twain isn’t exactly a biblical figure. But the quote makes sense to her. So she prays and prays and prays. Homelander would mock her for it if he knew. Then he’d roll her under him and make her cry his name to the heavens. Double whammy, blasphemy and premarital sex in one fell swoop. Her old pastor would be appalled. At least this time his fire and brimstone rails against her religious shortcomings would hold some weight. She holds shame for her complicity in Homelander’s crimes but she’ll never feel shame for the sex. It’s the only time she feels truly holy.

It’s one of God’s greatest commands, isn’t it? To love. She’s read that passage enough times. And she does love Homelander. So much so that she’s willing to give up her life for him. It’s why she doesn’t run away as she sees fate speeding towards them like a freight train.

John 15:13.

Or maybe she’s just fixated on the whole martyr thing again. 

She startles a little bit as he moans and twitches in his sleep beside her.  His brow furrows as he grips the sheets, the fabric clearly strained to its limits. He’s having a nightmare. And she fights back the urge to wake him out of it. Her throat closes up at the memory of the last time she tried, how he’d gripped her around the neck and squeezed in his lingering panic. No apology was given but he was so sweet to her the week after that she almost fooled herself into believing that her desperate pleas might have reached heaven after all. So no, she doesn’t comfort him. That will have to wait till the morning, if he even admits something was wrong at all. He’s stopped admitting a lot of things to her. He just can’t risk the ever looming plan. 

Maybe it is a lost cause.

 “God helps those that help themselves” She doesn’t remember where that’s from. If it’s from the bible or if it’s merely a quote that fits perfectly regardless of the origins.  Homelander certainly isn’t interested in helping himself out of the growing pit he’s digging beneath him. Well…not in any way that really matters. How can he? How can he crawl out when all he’s ever known is darkness?

She remembers the story of Moses. Rameses (it was Rameses wasn’t it?) was no peach. He was a slaver and a cruel ruler to the israelites. Not someone to be admired at all. Even at the peril of Egypt, he’d refused to let Moses’s people go. 

Except that wasn’t quite true, was it?

Exodus 9:12. 

“And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.”

Exodus 9:27

“Then Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron. “This time I have sinned,” he said to them. “The LORD is in the right, and I and my people are in the wrong.”

Exodus 10:1 

“And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:”

The verses pelt her mind like heavy rain. Her butt may not have felt a pew in a while but she still remembers. It had never seemed quite fair to her. Perhaps the plagues could have been avoided, had a point not needed to be made. He was about to let them go. God had removed his agency for the sake of a plan already written in the stars.  Ramses deserved punishment undoubtedly but for a God who was all about redemption… 

“You’re cherry picking”  

Mr. Fire and Brimstone speaks directly in her mind. That was always her cardinal sin. She sought out the good and ignored the judgement. She had the gall to question. It used to drive him mad. The fact that she’d never felt the urge to hate. He couldn’t scare her straight and it had wounded his pride.

Homelander didn’t need God to harden his heart anyway. Vought had done that themselves. 

There’s another whimper from the man beside her and her fingers twitch as she aches to soothe him. She’s survived the pain once and he’s suffered more than she’s ever had to. Surely, the pros outweigh the risks. She can take what comes if it means she can ease the burden he carries.

Damn…she just can’t shake the martyrdom. As if 

her actions aren’t selfish. As if her prayers aren’t a slap in the face to everyone he’s hurt. She can’t lose him. Her pleas are self-serving at best, downright cruel at worst. If divine intervention does happen, then God has stolen justice straight from the hands of Homelander’s victims. Redemption is a nice enough thought, when there’s no bodycount. 

Mumbled begging she can’t quite make out fills the silence now. A single tear drips down her cheek. A moment so perfectly, obnoxiously, melancholy, that it might have even won an Oscar had she been lucky enough to merely be an actor in a tragedy instead of a willing participant. Her throat tightens. 

Please

She prays. 

Do whatever you want to me. Damn me to hell in his place.  But please save him. I can’t. The world can’t. Please. Please save him from himself. 

No reply from the heavens but the mumbling stops. The nightmare passes. Salvation this isn’t but perhaps some peace. Perhaps the two of them aren’t lost to their grim fate after all.

Perhaps since his heart is already as hard as stone, heaven will decide to soften it instead. It would be a true blue miracle. God remembering his promise to Noah before he used Homelander to wipe the slate clean once more. A little rainbow emerging from the cold white sterility of Homelander’s childhood. 

She’ll keep her faith. She’ll keep praying for her sinner. And maybe, just maybe, she can finally take a break from the martyrdom.

[whereismyhat5678]

Hey.

I’m gonna be off Tumblr for more than a few days. I’m sorry this is so sudden but I think I need a little break from the internet for a while.

I don’t really know when I’ll be back but I think for now I’m just not gonna be active.

I hope everyone is doing well, I just need a break.

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

[markerofthemidnight]

You know what really pisses me off?

When fans of a multi-part indie game project- or, hell, any indie project- try to push for the next chapter/installment/whatever to be released unrealistically quickly just because it’s coming out later than they expected it to.

As a fan of mainly indie projects, it is SUCH a pet peeve for me! Everywhere you look, under new videos, in community posts, on Twitter, whatever, half the goddamn replies are just a bunch of lowlives screaming “WHERE’S (insert instalment here)?!” “YOU SAID (insert instalment here) WAS COMING OUT (insert time here)!” “I’M GONNA UNSUBSCRIBE IF (insert instalment here) DOESN’T COME OUT THIS YEAR!”

And what pisses me off the most is that it’s so evidently clear that none of them have ever devoted themselves to a project like this before! Do you know how to model and program a unique horror monster and give it a map to run around in? No! Do you know how to balance paying bills with all the other costs that you have to pay in order to make the game? Of course not, you’re only 11! Have you EVER written ANYTHING past your shitty, self-insert fanfiction, let alone a whole script?! FUCKING! NO!

I know because I used (emphasis on used) to be a Dark Deception fan back before Chapter 4 came out. You know that? And the comment section of all their community posts and videos was, indeed, filled with 11-year-olds parroting the same bullshit like that.

Until the trailer came out.

When the trailer came out, they all immediately stopped, and then what happened? What fucking happened? The comment section was immediately filled with people going “God, this looks good! No wonder it took them so long!”

It looked just about the same as every other Dark Deception chapter.

But still, that’s why you have some fucking patience. Because you have no idea what your favourite devs could be cooking up sometimes. People regressed into a bunch of caged chimpanzees back before Bendy and the Dark Revival came out, and look how good it was when it did come out!

And also, you wanna know what happened when Dark Deception: Chapter 4 came out? It was bugged. Bugged as shit. And it was almost entirely the fans’ fault for not giving the devs more time to sit on it.

(Granted, I know that this isn’t a very good example, since in my opinion a lot of the problems with Dark Deception are the devs’ fault- mainly the fact that they’re dealing with like 70+ projects and have actually given themselves no time to sit on the game itself- but… eh, my point still stands.)

Fans kept pushing for FNaF: Security Breach to come out. You know what happened? Bugged.

And don’t even get me STARTED on Cyberpunk 2077- a supposed AAA game- because we all know how that came out.

BUGS. UP. THE FUCKING. WAZOO.

(Yes, this is an old indie horror fan’s excuse to vent about all her trauma between the years 2020 to 2022, thank you very much.)

So, in conclusion… be kind to developers of small projects. Even if it takes them months, even if it takes them a year, even if it takes them five years, they’re going to give you what they crave eventually. They just need to actually prepare it first, and most people have no idea how difficult that actually is.

So stow your hunger, ravenous masses. Food will come soon.

[smol-being-of-light]

i’m incredibly angry every time a show gets cancelled always for the same reasons that the numbers weren’t satisfying enough

greed is taking over creativity and passion

it’s already enough to make me sad about the world we live in

also i already feel powerless when it comes to every disaster happening everywhere because i think that i’m too small and i can’t change things

but with fandoms i see the dedication of every single person and how amazing the group effort is

yet it’s still not enough

so i feel powerless depressed and overall beaten by this hellish system they created because of greed im just really devastated over this more than the show honestly at this point

[sofitai28]

my face every time my professors keep assigning me shit

i am still kicking!! simply going back into my Greek myth phase (as if I ever left). ask me about greek myth please i have too many in my head

[candyheartedchy]

Anyone else have the problem where they feel discouraged about a certain self ship or f/o of yours that you end up jumping to a different f/o or announce a new one to focus on for awhile to distract yourself?

[gunkbaby]

is bulimic misandrist rize like. an acceptable concept to ppl or is my fic gonna be hated into oblivion

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

wough weird sad feelings about my dad who could have expected that

[emotinalsupportturtle]

literally saw someone say David tennant owes his career to j**. PLEASE don’t make me laugh

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

I wonder if maybe, just maybe, in a better world, I could have been a better son to my parents

Where I’m not trans

And they never had to yell

And they never felt the need to punish me

And I never deserved it

Where I still felt as good about them as they say they feel about me

Where I was their golden boy they could really be proud of instead of this…wretched thing

I don’t know if he would still be me

But if that version of me is out there somewhere I hope he’s doing well

He deserves it. Better than I do anyways