#i’m still not into monogamy tho

[nightcolorz]

Hey, I’m the anon who asked about Armand being in love with Marius, Lestat, Louis and Daniel at the same time. First off I’m sorry if the question was offensive, that really wasn’t my intention and I was being genuine. But also can he ever be fully happy then? Like he was in a relationship with Louis but still loved Marius and Lestat and next season he will be with Daniel and still love Marius, Lestat and Louis? Can that be enough? My brain kinda can’t comprehend this, like is this a trauma response? Will he ever get over them?

donttt worry anon I didn’t think ur ask was offensive and I didn’t mean to put u on blast or shame u, I just thought the way it was worded was funny and wanted to make a joke. Absolutely no shade on you

I think I see what u mean. I don’t think Armand loving multiple people at once is a trauma response. The way he acts about the people he loves and the way he functions in his relationships sure is! But considering his life span and the depth of each of his relationships, it makes sense that he would continue to love his “exs”, and that doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative thing. In the books all vampires are polyamorous and they barely even have a concept of monogamy, they all just are together forever and it works out fine. But in the show while they are currently behaving very monogamously and breaking up with each other and stuff, I see how the clinging to lost loves things would be an issue. I think that Armand’s attachment to Marius is more of a problem than his attachments to his other lovers tho. Like, the reason that someone can love multiple people at once is bcus everyone gets something different from different people. The reason Armand’s love for Marius causes him problems while other loves don’t is bcus armand constantly tries to recreate his relationship with Marius with his new partners and is never being fulfilled by them as individuals bcus he’s chasing smth he doesn’t have anymore. But that doesnt manifest in his dynamic with Louis + Daniel + Lestat collectively. Like armand doesn’t try to make his relationship with lestat into his relationship with Daniel, etc. if that makes sense

so in conclusion, ig what I’m saying is, for someone as old as Armand love and relationships works differently then it does for a lot of people, so it’s alright

[perfectlyripeclementine]

Sorry if this is too personal for an ask, you seem to have developed a very mature and nurturing way of navigating past relationships... ofc this might just be from the outside looking in but still. In my experience and cultural background (monogamous, cishetero, conservative) -and despite outgrowing most of that education- I still struggle with grief when it comes to unresolved feelings for previous partners.

I understand that it's a very nuanced thing and it involves lots of factors for each particular person, in any case i thought I'd ask for your thoughts on this from your perspective and maybe some good literature to go along with it?

hi friend ❣️ i’ll start by saying, if you’re asking this question you might be feeling a bit tender, so i hope you’ve got some softness - that you’re receiving it from others, and that you give this to yourself. thank you for your trust.

read more bc this might be a long one.

there’s a lot of different things i’d like to say. i’ll start by saying the framework of polyamory really helped me here. the biggest lie of compulsory monogamy is that exclusivity means safety. monogamy sells you that the goal is to Date and then be Exclusive and then Marry and then you’ll be Safe. but marriage doesn’t mean safety: people divorce all the time; cheat on each other all the time; people stay in unhappy marriages (and relationships) all the time. i believe there is no such thing as safety in relationships - monog or otherwise. at the risk of being dramatic: in one way or the other, you will either lose them or you will die first. grief is not only a risk of love, it is a guarantee.

when i fall in love with someone i ask myself: is this person worth grieving? so far, the answer has never been no. but i walk in knowing i will either die first, or grieve them. it’s a bitter pill, but it gives me freedom, because it also means that the end of a relationship isn’t necessarily a failure. if i’ve learned, if i’ve grown, if the relationship gave me happiness, i consider it a success.

on that note, experience does help. i’ve had three or four Big Breakups(tm). and they don’t get easier, but now when i get my heart broken i know i can survive it. i may be in the Big Ouchies for a while but i won’t keel over and die. like a bad flu.

my work when i’m in the Big Ouchies is to not let my body deteriorate. i need to drink water especially if i’m crying; eat food even if i’m not hungry (that one’s tough for me); take myself out for walks even if the flowers aren’t out. if i can only eat butter pasta, so be it. if the only way i can sleep is taking melatonin, so be it. everything else, the processing, the learning, etc, can wait a second. when i’m in the Big Ouchies, i see what i can take off my plate. my priority for a few weeks is just to get through the searing heat of it. (two week statute of limitations on exclusively eating junk food tho. we do need vitamins and protein.)

the next step for me is to take what’s mine. i believe people when they say they love me, and when they say why; no take-backsies. whatever i learned from them is mine now. whatever confidence they gave me is mine now. i give myself credit for the things i loved about them: it’s a reflection of my values that i did. those are things i can cultivate in myself.

i do by myself or with friends the things i wanted to do together. i read that book we talked about. i go to that show i got us tickets for. i wear that sweater i got them. slowly, all these things become mine and stop being reminders that i lost them.

when i want to text them i text a friend a friend instead. ideally not to talk about them (although i do that too) but to make plans so i don’t isolate myself. it doesn’t fill the hole but it helps.

over time the missing gets softer around the edges. there’s one ex from years ago i think about every day. but it’s a soft kind of missing now. it kind of keeps me company. it’s proof i had a love worth having.

i don’t really have Breakup Literature but every time i’m in the Big Ouchies i reread Love Enough by Dionne Brand. I’ve talked about this book before. It soothes my heart each time.

When i’m in the dark pits of it I listen to Banks. When I have the energy to be angry or feel spiteful I listen to Dezi and Havaiah Mighty.

Sometimes the missing never leaves. That’s okay. I can still enjoy the sun on my skin and the taste of clear water.

[le-trash-prince]

OF Episode 6 Thoughts: Top/Mew

I finally got to watch this week’s ep and there is SO MUCH TO UNPACK. I have too many thoughts so I’m splitting them between posts.

First of all: What a fucking episode. I was either laughing or screaming the entire time. I love this shit so much. Everyone in this group sucks!

Mew's bi momma! 🙌

When Mew said “I want you to meet my parents at the end of the year” and then “But don’t count on us still being together” I was like “What the fuck Mew?” LOL. Like Mew, I know you will probably never understand this, but just because you are not seeing anyone else doesn't mean that you are emotionally committed to this relationship. You keep pulling back and giving mixed signals!

“I think the reason I was fine without a relationship was because I got enough love from family and friends” Mew how about you recognize that you’re demi instead of psychoanalyzing your slutty friends!

Tbh tho, I know it's really hard to come to terms with your own sexuality, especially when it's so different from everyone around you. We try to come up with reasons as to why people are different, rather than being able to accept that these differences can be inherent to who we are as people.

I think this episode showed more than any other just how genuine Top’s feelings for Mew really are. And of course this had to be the episode it all came crashing down.

Like the notebook of drawings he gave him? That was super sweet and thoughtful as a gift—ppl prob expect someone like Top to just throw money at his lovers but instead he put time and effort into his gift. You can’t draw someone like that without really looking at them. There wasn’t anything in that gift that said "fuckboy" or “I’m doing this just so you will sleep with me.”

Felt like there was an intentional parallel between Top kissing Mew’s forehead while he was asleep and Ray kissing Mew on the mouth.

I feel like I need to rewatch to process “Mew and Ray get in a fight” and “Ray gave Mew the audio file and Mew believed him”

When Mew and Top got home, I loved how the change and tension felt tangible. Like something about Mew going into the bedroom by himself and leaving Top in the living room spoke to a barrier between them

Mew pinning Top to the bed did a lot of things for me thanks 👍

“I love the way you sound in bed” honestly some cinematic poetry, I was hollering.

As much as I feel like Top was coerced into sleeping with Boston, what can he even say to defend himself with? “I didn’t want to sleep with him?” Well it sure sounded like you did. “I did it because I thought you lied to me?” Yeah that’s not gonna make Mew understand. Lol. Again, I don't know if Top even knows if he's allowed to not want to have sex with someone.

It’s a hard situation with a lot of grey area! And even tho we kind of knew this was how Mew was gonna find out, it's the worst way for him to find out.

Of course Mew is going to be hurt. This is like the worst outcome for him, and it revealed a lot of his insecurities around his lack of sexual experience. Especially after talking big at the beginning "My senses are always correct and I know everything there is to know about love."

I wonder if he even blamed himself for being bad at sex as to why he didn’t enjoy his first time with Top all that much, rather than it simply being that he might not really get much out of sex at all. It's okay if you don't want sex, Mew, or if you don't enjoy it, or even if it takes time for you to enjoy it!

“I’m not worth enough for you to love only me.” Mew. Mew. *shakes him* First of all, Top thinks Boston is a pile of burnable trash. He does not love that man! Second of all, please don’t tie self worth to romantic love or to ideals of monogamy. It is never going to end well.

Again, "I think the reason I was fine without a relationship is because I got so much love from family and friends." Mew are you being honest with yourself? You even said yourself that the reason you slept with Top was because you were worried about him getting bored with you.

I may have mentioned this before, but I think the reason that "mastermind Mew" was so popular with the fandom at the beginning of the series is because people wanted it to be true, because if Mew had seen this coming, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. I don't think it came from "we think Mew is evil or manipulative or whatever," I think we just didn't want to watch a person as naive as Mew get hurt. Because that's what happens the majority of the time in real life. People get hurt.

Sad lonely himbo Top in the bathtub 👍

Overall, I really enjoy watching their relationship. It's very complicated; it's nowhere near as straightforward as a "fuckboy cheats on his virgin boyfriend" plotline could easily be. I don't think they had a solid foundation for their relationship. They enjoy their dates, but there hasn't been a lot of great communication between them, which as I mentioned on a previous post, is very normal, especially for a first or second relationship. And for both of them, I think this is their first real attempt at a relationship, and neither of them know what they're doing.

In the preview, we see a clip of Mew in the bathtub where his expression changes, and it really looks like a symbolic transformation to me. Whether we get revenge era Mew or "let's try this again with more emotional transparency" Mew, I'm here for it.

[mossiestpiglet]

...ocs? 👀

I am living in oc world all day every day and tbh if i could Art it would be over for you all because you would be forced to witness them nonstop.

Two of the fandom ocs that are consuming my whole life right now:

Still Unnamed Children of the Red King OC- literally just me isekai-ed into cotrk world from a post a while back but it was so fun i have been obsessed with the idea. They kill the person who summoned them within minutes because he’s such a bitch. The summoning gives them powers to both heal and harm by physical touch, and they have to wear gloves a lot while learning to control it which is sensory hell. Neither good guys or bad guys trust them because they think that dichotomy is bullshit and constantly disregard it to uphold their own ethics. They help Julia have her gay awakening and are in relationships with Paton and Harold. They held Manfred hostage once and have now become the best parent he’s ever had and he hates it. (Shout out to @the-walls-have-many-ears for all our wonderful convos about cotrk that have been so inspiring!!)

Liltanor/Hrávahín (lotr)- I have never spent so much time on the lore for a fandom oc, but he has taken almost two years at this point just to get satisfied with a name. I’ve wrapped them in and around the whole canon like a vine. Her mother is a Vala and her father is an elf (Vanyar), so she’s like Luthien in some ways but also I have made Luthien weirder for consistency. Both of them have shapeshifting abilities that also include ability to change sex characteristics, Luthien however chooses to always be female but Liltanor changes constantly and is gendered fluidly in universe languages (he spends lots of time as various animals too). He leaves Aman well before the Noldor (and also not on good terms) and by the time of LotR has been in Middle Earth longer than any other elf besides Cirdan. (Im skipping like. SO much there is too much lore) They are second cousins once removed with Galadriel (this wasn’t even on purpose) and more distantly related to Elrond & family. He is married to Haldir, which makes them both very happy, and many other people Unhappy because Liltanor hardcore rejects monogamy which is a fundamental aspect of elven culture (this is part of why they left Aman originally). She was lovers with Saruman in the past and would still be if he wasn’t going through his dark lord phase (Saruman is v resentful that Liltanor was so opposed to marriage back in Valinor otherwise he thinks he could have had a chance at marrying them instead and keeping them there. He is wrong). During the events of LotR Liltanor is a member of the Fellowship and forms a very close relationship with Boromir. This has consequences as they end up saving him, but in such a way that he (like them) becomes something Else and he now has to deal with immortality. As a consolation tho they also get married (yay two husbands!)

I also have a few original projects that have full casts of ocs but I’m still deciding if I might make a separate writeblr for those or what. I am also thinking about them all day every day and also making more of them like my life depends on it. My favorite hobby is to think of ways to make their relationships Worse <3

[bellamyblcke]

a non comprehensive but historically based list of My Type (tho no one asked):

1. the other girl in the codependent female friendship where i’m in love with her and she has an inferiority complex about me which leads to the death of our friendship

2. suicidal men who think dating me would save them and are therefore disappointed by the realization i am but a human woman

3. weird nice boy drama kids

4. charismatic disasters (non gender specific)

5. MY type is the hot charming brother but the one i’m dating is the less hot less charming brother who DOES have a complex about it

6. beanpoles

7. effeminate men who DO have girlfriends but express soulfully to me that they think monogamy might not be for them which i attempt to shut down but their girlfriends still actively distrust me (would that this was only one person (it’s not (there’s at least three)))

8. ginger men?

9. people who are really good at exchanging soulful text messages at 3am and very bad at being a person

10. writers (derogative)

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 5x05, i am not ready for all hell to break lose and for my brother to start getting heartbroken. He literally started the ep by saying he needs to see more Britin than Ben/Mikey, not knowing that this is the beginning of hell. Episode opens with the security letting Justin into the club ‘MR TAYLOR! Boyfriend privileges! I missed Emy and Blondie. SECOND WELCOME MISTER TAYLOR! I know for a fact that Brian told them about him and was all be nice to my man! He called Justin cause he has a surprise for him and he gave him MEN! I fucking love these two as a couple, they are literally the same person but different font’ ‘this fucking baby is being passed around like a ball. What the fuck is wrong with them? HUNTER CANT SWIM ANYMORE? Fuck them all. (Mike tells hunter to either be bitter or move on) OH THATS FUCKING RICH COMING FROM HIM. Look its Brian! I still hate that car. Why the fuck is Hunter rude to him? Oh shit, Brian and Mike are like actually drifting apart’ and Brian is at the doctor now ‘PLEASE DONT TELL ME ITS CANCER AGAIN. Wait whats up with the cancer story now? Did they forget? SYPHILIS? Well fuck, he’s probably gonna shut down half of liberty avenue cause of this.’ And now we are the scene where Hunter is back in school ‘i fucking hate this shit. I wanna hit every kid on the screen right now. I do like Callie though, she’s a sweetie. Her parents suck tho’ ‘okay, i LOVE Ted and Brian as friends but my first love is Emmett and Ted. But also i’d sacrifice you for Emmett and Brian’ *looks at me and nods his head*. Annnnd we are at Britin scene where he tells him about the std ‘look at Justin cooking. Suspiciously good? I need to know right now how many times Blondie burnt or fucked up food and Brian ate it to be nice. Why is Blondie so passive aggressive lately? THATS how he tells him about the STD? Calm down Blondie, it happens to the best of us. (Justin says he’s surprised it hasnt happened sooner) *takes a slow huge gasp* what the fuck? THIS EPISODE LITERALLY STARTED WITH JUSTIN AT AN ORGY IN LA? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO PRUDISH AND RUDE? *long pause* itd be kinda funny if he got it from Blondie’ This is where I made a mistake to get up and go to the bathroom and all i heard was a yell ‘TED GOT MISTAKEN FOR A LESBIAN! SHE THOUGHT TED WAS A LESBIAN!’ ‘BRIAN! Look at Brian! I don’t really like Ben and Brian together. Its weird. But also why the fuck are they all talking so much about marriage and monogamy lately? But only around Bri? I’m really hating all of this just so you know’ Justin and Daph are now looking after JR ‘DAPHNE! Finally youre back! Blondie thinks about kids? Since when? WHATS STOPPING HIM? Bitch arent yall still like 20? Ask him? But Brian has a kid? ARE WE FORGETTING GUS? Blondie! This is where you say we have gus! Puppy? Why would he get a puppy? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW? (Justin tells daphne about syphilis) why the fuck did he say that? What even? *pauses tv and looks at me all confused* WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON? I have no clue whats going on but i know i hate it’ He was pissed off during Hunter’s school meeting but weirdly stayed quiet and then Justin and Daph came back up ‘youd freak out because that would mean cheating BUT HE DIDNT CHEAT AND SHIT HAPPENS. SINCE WHEN DOES DAPHNE CARE ABOUT JUSTINS MONOGAMY? Ha! Blondie knows its never gonna happen because he and Bri Bri dont want that. Fuck this they brought Daphne back just to piss me off. She’d never be like this.’ ‘Now why the fuck is Mel pissed off? HE HAS MORE THAN ONE KID! Can all three of them go fuck each other? This is the second time that Mel acts like Justin is some random dumbass not to be trusted with her kid. He is GUS’s STEP DAD! *puts his arms out in that weird way guys do where they push their arms back but head forward, idk how to describe it im sorry* bitch’ he was so pissed off at mel during this. He said a whole lot of other stuff but it was all over the place so I did my best but the main takeaway was she treated Brian the same way and she doesnt care about Hunter or gus anymore.

My heart is breaking for your brother, for you, for all of us. Fuck you CowLip.

Justin being called Mr Taylor at Babylon is amazing, I love it. DON'T YOU SEE WHAT HE TELLS YOU IN HIS OWN WAY?

But also i’d sacrifice you for Emmett and Brian’ <- tbf I would sacrifice a lot to see more Emmett and Brian.

THIS EPISODE LITERALLY STARTED WITH JUSTIN AT AN ORGY IN LA? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY SO PRUDISH AND RUDE? even louder for the people (Justin, the writers) in the back. And here begins the ultimate betrayal. Where does Brian's growth go? Why does Justin at 22 want a baby and a house and marriage?

AND WHY DOES NO ONE REMEMBER THAT BRIAN HAS A KID (I actually typed that as Gid so there you go) and is really good as a dad?

Fuck this they brought Daphne back just to piss me off. She’d never be like this. It's true. To borrow the meme, she would not fucking say that.

This is the second time that Mel acts like Justin is some random dumbass not to be trusted with her kid. He is GUS’s STEP DAD! YEP

[teeresaresa]

Unh uh 😩 Riki and his lil bid for a boy cousin 😩 why is kids really like this ?

Awwww 🥹 when Njadaka told Tchalla bout Jobu. They were really his babies. Ugh! He probably smilin’ from ear to ear bout Toussaint and at how well the two of them are working together.

Oh lord Steve callin w the beginning of the end 🙄 I hated watchin’ that big nigga collect them stones. This damn snap 🤦🏾‍♀️ got me nervous af !

Chile I am nt shocked by the sexual activities that went down back in the days mmkay ! What I am shocked about is Queen N’Isiqithi Tha Firs considering the sharin’ of thee royal dick ! Cause miss girl was havin’ a damn hissy fit when he asked her to share w Disa bt oh yo lil friends can have a piece ? By all means let’s get it nice and wet together ! YANI !

Cuz like I’m sorry what tf 😀 ?!

And of course Mr Freak Nasty gon be all for it since she already havin feelins bout it. And he prob already know cause the nigga sense everything !

I know this they marriage and errthang Bt how is this any different from the poly shit ? Cause he ain’t in love wit em? Njadaka has grown very mature since becoming king bt at the end of the day he still a nigga. Yu cnt give ‘em too much ! Ijs Yani gurl press on that gas SLLOOWWW aight? 😂

And see this make me think she wasn’t mad all them ch back she jus wanted his sole attention. She just wanted to make sure he still loved her like he said he did! Sis had all of us goin thru it ch after ch ! Him! Disa! Even tha chullen ! Chile anyway. If she like it y’all kno the rest 😌

…had me thinkin she wanted monogamy. Is it really 🥴 Chiiii ! Nt she worried she can’t handle tht Jaguar dick herself ! Gurllllll ! Disa woulda been all the help yu needed Bt let’s move on ! 😭😭😭😭😭 Alright now dnt start tht shit Yani ! Nt when yu frm the island ! Mount that big bicycle n ride bih !

When Queen Mary came to her omg ! I always feel emotions when I read scenes like this because it’s so important to know where you come from, and how you came to be, and who stands behind you because it’s a motivation like no other! Especially as a black woman honey! So beautiful! I wish I could meet an ancestor like that. I woulda been sced as hell at first too tho !

We love a royal entrance! Had Big Nigga too stunned to speak ! On bended knee ! No Boyz II Men ! Purr !

Unt uhhhh ! Not the lil princess gf Vivienne ! Chileeee the world cannot be that small ! And just like boys do, these niggas up here laughin ! Chile I thought he’d run into Renata before he’d run into Viv ! Bt it does make more sense ! I loved her talk w them and her supporting Yani. She won me over for sure.

QUEEN KILLMONGER ! Whew chile he deflee got him a lil weapon as a queen honey ! Mububu was actual scum. Bt she was a great distraction and handled herself very well. She said yu wanna die in front of all these people? Dnt play w HER ! W THE VINTAGE CLAWS !? YAS !

DON’T THINK SHE JUST HIS LITTLE WIFEEE ! BOW DOWN BITCH or wateva Beyonce be sayin ! Lisssennn he nt playin bout her and she ain’t playin bout him okey ! Bt his reaction in the elevator was hilarious cause he was like wait nah …Bt I like that 😂

We love a family man wanting to come home to his kids and his queen 🥰 it’s cute I must say

And like I said ! Miss Yani was second guessin’ that royal dck shit when it was happenin’ bt of course he got it out of her ! I really dnt see that lady in waiting shit happenin as a regular thing. I think she just like the idea of it because her ass been sittin up watchin’ videos of his ass w randoms and now he like her personal porn star 😭 IJS THE SHIT MIGHT BACKFIRE ON HER

“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 73″

Masterlist HERE. 

“They say she get it from her Mama…

I put that on my own mama, on my hood I look fly, I look good You can’t touch my bag, wish you could I look fly, I look too good Put that on my own mama, on my hood…”

Victoria Monet – “On My Mama”

T'Challa lifted his newborn son from his fluffy pram blanket and gently burped him near the wall-sized window of the Sun Room. Nakia fed the baby constantly and after only a week of being alive, Toussaint was fatter and his belly became a round ball that his father liked to tickle.

The deep rich melanin had evened out across his son’s body and looking down at the tiny face, T'Challa witnessed a mirror, a version of himself that depended on a family to raise him up the right way. He kissed Toussaint’s forehead, then rocked him quietly.

Keep reading

[razorsadness]

Life has been strange, lately. Full of ghosts and unexpectedness. Then again, I've gotten so used to expecting the unexpected; I feel all out of sorts when it doesn't happen. It is another year like 2004. 2005, with a few exceptions, was fairly mellow, nothing extraordinarily good or bad. 2004, and this year, have been all ups and downs. Never a dull moment; always either fucking fantastic or really fucking awful. This is the kind of year I am built to deal with. Extreme highs are, of course, giddily wonderful; extreme lows, I can channel into my writing and music. I prefer extreme lows to times when things are just okay. When things are okay, good but not great, I tend to get very depressed and listless, and completely uninspired. Still, all this up-and-down stuff does have a way of taking its toll on one. Muscle aches and mania. And a lot of drinking.

There have been scares with both of my parents, recently. First, my dad got in a terrible car accident. Thank the universe that he is okay, and so is the woman who was in the other car. But if he had been driving just a little faster, or if the cars had impacted at just slightly different spots, he would be dead. And then, about a week later, my mom went in for a routine mammogram. They called her back in, saying they had to do more tests. It was a nerve-wracking few days, while we waited for the results. It turned out she had a cyst, nothing at all, but I was so, so afraid. These events have made me think hard about my relationship with my parents. I know they won't be around forever. And, despite all the issues I've had with them in my life and all the pain and sorrow involved – I love them very much, and I know they love me.

I didn't tell the full story of what happened in Cleveland, in that other entry. I fell in love, in Cleveland. With J. And as it always is when I fall in love – it is terrifying, and wonderful. We made an instant connection, a very strong one. Spending time with him was like looking into a mirror. Not a physical one, but a soul-mirror. Even P.K., who is a sworn atheist, said: If I ever believed in anything like kindred spirits, you and J. are it. He, he taught me the Carny Code. He kissed me, and got clown make-up all over my face, and I never wanted to wash it off. He calls me every couple of days, just to say things like: I was listening to Tom Waits, and I thought of you or I just pulled the final piece of glass out of my foot, from when we danced on that broken wineglass. In a strange way, it's as though I fell in love with him before I ever met him; I fell in love before there was even anyone to attach that love to. It is his circus I am performing with in Philadelphia; I am staying at his house when I go there. And I am terrified.

This whole situation is very complicated. Things are strange, between Levi and I. We're no longer engaged, but we're still together. I said yes when he proposed to me, because I was caught up in the moment. And then, a few months later, I freaked out. I tried to keep it to myself for a while, hoping that it was just cold feet, that I'd get over it. When I didn't get over it, when it just got worse, I decided to tell him. I don't think he quite understands why engagement and marriage make me panic, why being engaged made me feel so trapped, especially since we've had an open relationship pretty much from the get-go. I've tried to explain to him that it really has nothing to do with him, or the nature of our relationship. I couldn't marry anyone, legally, anyway – I don't believe that religion or law has any place in the bonds of love. And then that word itself, "bonds." Love shouldn't be about tying someone to you. It should be like the orbit of the planets; like in that beautiful cartoon The Story of the Cat and The Moon. There is a cat that is in love with the moon. At first, he tries to chase after her – but the more he chases her, the further away she gets. So he decides to wait. She comes to me when she can, he says, or when she wants to. And I don't believe there is only one right person for me, for anyone, even for Levi. Our relationship is technically open, but doesn't feel very open to me. Because I am always finding many right people, and he has decided that I am the only one for him. Like Ani DiFranco says: You've decided to love me for eternity, and I'm still deciding who I want to be today. Levi is one of my very best friends, and I do love him, very much. But it is with a kind of calm, content love. I need the kind of blinding love that knocks me off my feet, and I have never had that with him. However, I also know, that when I do find the love that knocks me off my feet, it will be a fleeting thing. Nothing like that ever lasts for very long.

Speaking of fleeting loves. . . I keep seeing my ex-girlfriend Haley, at the pub. I should correct that statement. We never officially labeled ourselves as girlfriends. We were lovers. There was a period of several months when she didn't show up there at all; but over the last month and a half, she has been there a lot. She's gotten new tattoos since our affair ended – sparrows flying across her chest. Her hair has grown out, and it's all black now, no more streaks of bleach-blond. She looks more beautiful than ever, and sadder than ever. She was always so sad. I always fall for the sad girls, and it never works out, because I am a sad girl, too. When we ended things, we said we would remain friends. That did not happen. It hurt too much; because we had fallen in love. We never said that word, but it was there. We fell in love and neither of us really wanted to end it, but we did, because we were scared. No, we didn't remain friends. When I see her at the pub, we don't even talk; we don't even make eye contact. It breaks my heart.

And this zine I'm working on. It is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever written. I am not giving up, because I know I can't move past all this until I get it out, but it is not easy. It is the story of Carmine, of Hertz, and of my almost-son, Dante. While writing it, I am reliving all the feelings – how I felt when I first met Hertz and Carmine, and everything that happened afterward. The two of them changed my life, changed me irrevocably, for better or worse. My body is reliving its memories, as well. It is amazing the way the human body stores memories, and they are all rising to the surface, now, like it is two years ago all over again: there is the constant nausea, the sore breasts, the backaches. Then again, both my last two periods started a few days early, as though my body is reminding me that it is nothing like it was two years ago. I would not want to go through any of that again, but there are things that I miss. The world was full of so many more possibilities, before everything went to hell.

And I know I am going to see Carmine and Hertz when I am in Philadelphia. Both of them have a way of popping up at random, whether by choice or by accident, just when I think I'll finally be able to move on. They're always sending me blue valentines, to mark the anniversary of someone that I used to be.

As excited as I am for my upcoming trip to Philly, I am also afraid. Rather, I am afraid of what will happen when I return home. Because every time I am there, I find new reasons to not want to leave, and it gets harder every time I have to do it. I am afraid this will be the time that breaks me. There will be so many reasons for me to stay, and only a few reasons for me to come home. But I will come home, because I have obligations and commitments, here. I will come home, and I will be depressed, and resentful, and angry with myself for not finally taking the plunge and staying.

Lately, I have to touch myself, to hold on to myself, to remind myself that I am a real person; I am flesh and blood, not just an ephemeral mass of words and emotions and memories.

[journal entry, 8/9/06]

[recycledbeercans]

I’m actually not one to get super heavy into having explicit gender/sexuality hcs for characters because I appreciate leaving it a little open-ended to explore possibilities, but everything about Futurama really lends itself to making me want to define my takes on them for these characters, and it feels very relevant to their personalities.

I actually hc Bender as a gay robosexual more than I do bi. Like, the nuances in of what flavor of queer this fictional character is doesn’t matter too much, but the reason I lean into it w/ him is because the series just constantly centers his love for Fry and need to see him happy as being more important to him than his own life. It’s continually reinforced that while Bender is able to at least move on from failed relationships without too much trouble, any time he loses Fry in some way, he is completely decimated emotionally. It makes me feel like he never has much true attachment to the fembots he sleeps around with, and even when he is more longterm into a lady, he doesn’t express the same level of devotion that he does to Fry. It feels more like he (honestly i’d argue this for Fry and Leela also) just acts the way he feels he is expected to, because his deeper desires always seem to skew elsewhere.

He’s an interesting character in that regard. Then there’s so many “Bender is gay” jokes littered throughout episodes, especially in how he idolizes over characters like Calculon and Elzar, how he is shown to naturally shift into other gender identities (which I’d say Bender isn’t cis either but because he’s a robot it feels like a bit of a gray area because the whole “robot = nb” trope is a little tired but in this case, it has less to do w/ him being a robot and more to do with his behaviors). Then of course prop infinity was just a blatant gay allegory, it straight up was based around our real world equivalent of prop 8 and I’m still mind-boggled why the writers would make that whole scenario… straight. It seemed like Bender was into Amy because she superficially reminds him of Fry because the idea of monogamy killed his interest entirely, but you know Bender wouldn’t hesitate to exclusively devote himself to Fry, even if his feelings are more one-sided. Bender to me feels, gay robosexual and in denial, like, he knows but doesn’t like to acknowledge it.

Then Fry obviously reads as bi or pan to me, because he clearly loves Leela (and his affection towards her is really genuine), but also because of the time period he came from, he wouldn’t even realize he isn’t straight or consider it so he’d probably need to be pushed into considering other options (like Bender, lol) to process this information.

Leela also screams lesbian to me. I get such strong comphet vibes from her because every relationship she has with a guy in the show always feels like she is trying to superficially mark off checkboxes of what a guy should be and provide, but she never seems genuinely passionate in her love for any of them. She never shows much affection and always expects the guy to impress her. I’ve never seen her be in love with and pursue anyone, esp never the way Fry has her. It always feels like she just settles and only gets with Fry because she can eventually fit him into the mold of what she expects in a man after Fry tries for years to win her over, but she never seems truly charmed by him the way he is with her (this is so reinforced by Lars, even tho it’s supposed to be a Fry/Leela win, Lars isn’t even comparable to Fry so it’s basically saying Fry as we know him isn’t Leela’s type).

Something about these characters all being their own flavor of unrealized queer is such a good and appealing narrative to me, esp with a show like Futurama that came out around the time that it wasn’t fully accepted in society to be able to openly explore if you were, but it was still acknowledged as a thing. I feel so strongly about Leela being mom-friend to Fry and Bender and to me that feels more natural than trying to force a relationship between her and Fry.

I was actually surprised to find out a lot of people told me they never considered Fry/Bender before and I think it’s because there are two ways to watch a show. You can follow along with what it tells you (Fry likes Leela, he will win her over), or you can pay attention to what actually happens (Fry and Bender are affectionate and care about each other and Bender would give anything for Fry, Leela really doesn’t want to date Fry until all options are exhausted). And well, most ppl are casual viewers, yanno. But even tho the show says you should ship Fry and Leela, everything in their behaviors behind this superficial veil of expectations does not fit this narrative at all in terms of how things play out? It also begs the question of how the writers view relationships because there’s too many “our marriage is falling apart and my wife is a nag” jokes for me to think they weren’t just genuinely writing their shitty take on what love should look like. And these were the unintended consequences.

I have mixed feelings about a Futurama revival for a laundry list of reasons. But I will say I wonder if the show does get revived, if any of this will be addressed. I would actually lose my shit over a narrative involving the characters exploring and coming to terms with their sexualities because 1. It feels in place for Futurama, and 2. So much media has skipped over depicting the struggles that come with accepting your identity and gone right into “jt’s normal and no one says anything negative about it” that as a queer person who grew up struggling w/ my own identity, I desperately miss not seeing my experiences anywhere. And because I grew up with these characters and lived in the same time period, it’s something I’d want to see from a revival. Though my hopes aren’t high.

Otherwise I’m not really interested in seeing the technology be updated because part of the charm was that it was the future but the tech was all retro futuristic, like stuff from the 80s-80s.

Anyways I’m getting off topic.

Professor Farnsworth is gay and homophobic.

[mysugardaddyissatan]

I’m too lazy to do this for 30 days so I’ll just do all of it lmao and maybe reminisce after a year or so if I still feel the same way as I am now

(I hold out reading on-going BL manhwa so pardon me for the lack of content)

Day 1: Twittering Birds Never Fly

- I just finished the movie so this is my favorite right now lmao. Yoshiro is so fucking sexy and Doumeki is a devoted cinnamon roll. I don’t even like Yakuza stories that much (Honto Yajuu is the only Yakuza story that I really like before reading this).

Day 2: Harada

- I’m willing to give my soul to him, I loved the dark humour and how twisted his characters are.

Day 3: Color Recipe, Happy Shitty Life and Yatamomo

-  You’re asking too much so imma give my top 3.

Day 4: Puppy Love

- I just hate this type of uke, annoying and useless

Day 5: Killing Stalking

- I don’t want them to know what type of shit i’m into so I just recommend the most popular yaoi ever

Day 6: Caste Heaven

- well it’s on hiatus and I wanna kill myself for reading it so soon

Day 7: Everything Seki Sabato, Zaria and Echo Jiro drew

- what plot? we’re here for the fap lmao (i’m not a shotacon I swear)

Day 8: Love Is An Illusion

- it’s like watching a mexican drama teleserye at 4 in the afternoon

Day 9: BJ Alex

- Still like it tho, but not as much as before

Day 10: Megumi and Tsugumi

- I just love how stupid Tsugumi is and how understanding Megumi to him #goals

Day 11: Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai

- All of this manga covers are just—-

Day 12: Life Senjou no Bokura

- THE ONLY MANGA THAT MADE ME CRY. FUCK THIS SHIT MY HEART ACHES WHENEVER I REMEMBER THIS

Day 13: Warehouse

- like every manhwa ever? I wanna frame it and hang it in my room

Day 14: 19 Days

- I really loved stories where I should drink holy water after reading it but damn THIS IS JUST TOO CUTE. There’s too many daddies lmao

Day 15: Color Recipe

- I mean it focuses on the hairdressers at first which I find boring but when the plot twist shows damn I was hooked. Fukusuke is so damn consistent from beginning to the end. He’s a manipulative psychopathic asshole through and through lmao

Day 16: Walk On Water and Down and Dirty

- they have similar art style. i was weirded out at first but THE PLOT IS SO GOOD. I have zero expectation but it turns out so smut and sexy. I fell in love. McQueen and Lee Gyung is just AHJAHHHASDASKD step on me

Day 17: Cherry Blossoms After Winter and Here U Are

- don’t get me wrong the art is so beautiful but the translations are bad in CBAW. And I can’t really relate in manhua so there. I’ll still try to reread it when it’s completed

Day 18: ?????

Day 19: At The End of the Road

- One of the first one that I really like. I don’t like live action so I’m just gonna recommend some shounen ai

Day 20: Ghost Child

- it has the same ambiance and premise as Painter of The Night. Please be more popular so someone will translate it lmao

Day 21: Fukusuke (Color Recipe), Seungho (Warehouse) and He Tian (19 Days)

- I have a thing on psychopaths I think lol

Day 22: Yoshiro (Twittering Birds Never Fly), Azusa (Caste Heaven), Shin (King’s Maker), Hyungdo (Down and Dirty) and Taemin (At The End of the Road)

- I personally like strong, fearless, independent and “doesn’t give a fuck what other people think” ukes. Even though they have a dark past, they stay strong. I really loved characters like that. They are so beautiful.

Day 23: Yarichin ☆ Bitch Club

- as long as they’re happy with their club activities, i’m happy

Day 24: Hikizuru Oto

- this is just so fucking twisted, this needs to be longer

Day 25: Eleceed

- i’m sorry my brain is dead and everyone from Eleceed is gae for each other okay

Day 26: Every 3p manga

- I give my life for monogamy. I can stand ukes with slutty past but I would never buy any 3Ps

Day 27: King’s Maker

- hey I lived for this kind of plot. I liked how it doesn’t focus on love but on political and societal issues. The plot here is so deep. AND THE SMUT SCENES ARE FUCKING HOT REEEEEEE

Day 28: Happy Shitty Life

- this is the first time I read where the main characters are both ukes. the humour is so dark I can feel my soul slipping out

Day 29: Adam no Rokkotsu

- I feel like it will be good anime. The seme has a multiple personality disorder.

Day 30: Dear Door

- I love everything with the tags (Mystery, Horror, Psychological, Police, Detective). I see this genres, I buy the book lmao

_________________

imma see if after a year I still like the mangas in here :)

[doodlevich]

Post-11x07 thought’s let’s gooooooooooo!

First and foremost I am once again simping for Mickey because i can’t tell you how much I relate to that man. “Why the fuck are you touching me rn” I-

The breakfast scene was once again ✨everything✨ things starting out so civil and then devolving into chaos as usual + lip saying family only and Ian responding immediately hE Is FaMiLy yes go off

Frank’s sl was a goddamn roller coaster all throughout the ep, because they got me right away with him not being in the alibi but then when he was scamming I was like “oh right Frank is still Frank”. AND THEN I went right back to :’) and over all the whole thing just hits a nerve, ya know? I might cry for one million years actually

Don’t even get me started on Liam, I absolutely love that V is taking him under her wing tho ❤️

The little ways that they show Ian and Mickey being in sync are just GREAT, like the way they just know what the other one is thinking, and they’re trying to be on the same page in their own funny little ways and I just want to SCREAm

Mickey trying to smile on command when he already has the most beautiful natural smile I-

ALSO THE fact that we got a resolution to the monogamy convo was a nice touch I think actually because I think the whole “we can only sleep with other people together” thing is very Ian and Mickey somehow, and a good compromise! Good job boys 😌

no I will not accept that Mickey doesn’t like getting rimmed as canon you can’t make me

Sandy’s sl also threw me for a loop, like I figured she had a kid, but she actually had me— defending Debbie by the end of the episode???? Which was a strange sensation because I never agree with deb

KEVIN BALL I OUGHTA BEAT YOUR ASS WHy are you being so extra, lip was already having a hard time. Kev and Tommy with those bikes woah guys you’re hogging the brain cell

Speaking of Lip, when he and Tami argue like that I feel like I’m stepping in on a very private moment, which shows how excellent Jeremy and Kate’s acting is imo

Anyway back to horny husbands... WHEN THE SYNOPSIS SAID IT WAS A JOURNEY TO MAKR FRIENDS THEY MEANT A JOURNEY, “two guys are jackin’ off in the steam room, let’s go be friends with them” Mickey doesn’t quite have a handle on the whole friend thing but it’s the effort that counts

Prince is my new favorite character on the show so 🤷🏻‍♀️

“The charcuterie board is here” “MMMM PEPPERONI”—- again my love for Mickey expands ever deeper

Carl’s sl is... idk how to feel about it. Too many thoughts, gotta think about it more

POOR IAN. The way Mickey was actually sorta feelin’ himself all episode was adorable to watch tho, and then just bickering and being H U S B A N D S was the bestttt

The way the episode ended........ yikes

THE END CREDITS. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about those mfkin’ end credits. I am deceased.

Anyway it’s 3 am and I had to get all of that out before I could sleep

Now all my posts for the next few days are all queued up so, night y’all ✌🏼✨

[fakeloveaskblog]

So, to answer your question Remy: as opposed to polygamy (gender neutral term for being married to multiple partners, exclusively describes relationships where people are married) polyamory is the practice of having sexual or romantic relationships (though this may extent to queerplatonic partners too) with more than one partner at the same time, with the consent of everyone involved.

Polyamorous people tend to have multiple loving, intentional, and intimate relationships at the same time. Polyamory is ethical and consensual non-monogamy, meaning that the relationships are not monogamous, but all partners consent to the situation. Tradicionally (and this is a common misconception) polyamory does not mean any type of open relationship that may include more casual sexual partners; but a person can be in a polyamorous relationship with another person/people and have it be an open relationship of that kind for themself and/or their partner/s if they have discussed it with everyone involved with them beforehand and it has been agreed upon that this be the case. Logan, for example, is poly and appears to have one such relationship with his wife Patty, so what you inferred that night was not in fact cheating.

Your having feelings for Janus and Remus, even while being with Virgil, is a sign that you could be poly (because you manifest these feelings for multiple people at the same time and wish to be in a relationship with all of them). This is not bad, it's just something that you should think about, also think about maybe bringing up with them all or even Doctor Picani beforehand.

Remy reread your message over and over. They glanced around the apartement to make sure Virgil hadn't come home yet before letting out a shuddering breathe.

"So there's- there's nothing wrong with me? I'm just- it's fine? I'm alright? I'm not- I'm not horrible?" They let up into a relieved laugh "Girl Picani is gonna get so much fucking tea dumped on him next session! Holy fuCK!"

They held onto their raccoon plushie. It didn't quite feel real. It didn't feel like it would just exists an easy answer to why they were like this.

"I uh maybe I should have like guessed there was something like this. There always seems to be some explanation for stuff that I think makes me like tots the most unloveable person on earth. Like the fucking dysphoria, the fibromyalgia, the nonbinary!!! Girl I gotta start reading more, I need to learn some fucking words. Makes me wonder if all those other fucked up things about me are actually just like okay???"

For a brief moment they let themself daydream about it all working out. Of Remus and Janus coming over for dinner. Of finally getting to kiss Remus until he let up into that wonderful laugh of his. Of getting to be cuddled up between Virgil and Janus. Of hearing all 3 of them ranting to each other about the supernatural and conspiracy theories.

But they quickly forced themself to forget it "The whole thing was that everyone involved gotta consent right? Yeah girl I dunno if Viv is gonna like it. I don't- I can't like tell him about it. He's probs gonna get like anxious about me leaving him and get mad and have a panic attack and I'm gonna have to calm him down like usual" They sounded so tired as they said it "I don't wanna risk getting Viv upset.....Once Jan like asks me out I'll probs gonna have to tell him tho and then like still say no to him I guess"

There was a small tired smile on their lips as they reread your message again.

"Even if I don't like start dating Rem or Jan just knowing it's not wrong...it like helps...so like thanks gal" It took a few seconds before they got a bitchy tone in their voice "Oh and I still fucking hate Logan but knowing he's not a cheater makes me wanna throw acid at him less!"

[firelxdykatara]

So I was at work thinking about Zutara (as you do) and my mind drifted to a kat@@ng argument I tend to see a lot of. About how Aang would be so sad if Katara never returned his feelings and therefore Zutara 100% //can't// be endgame which... a) homeboy is literally 12 and would get over it, and b) BUT WHAT ABOUT KATARA THO. But it got me thinking. Is there even any evidence in canon that Air Nomads believed in wholesale monogamy or marriage? I mean, Aang never knew his parents (1/2)

(2/2) -and Aang was raised communally by the Air Nomad monks and nuns. So like, why would being with Katara (specifically JUST Katara) //forever// be something he'd hyper focus on so badly? Also, Aang is shown wanting to adhere pretty strictly to Air Nomadic teachings but in this instance he gets a pass? It just boggles me tbh. Anyway, your meta and responses are just plain amazing and would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I’ve actually talked a lot about Aang’s willful disregard for his people’s culture and customs when it clashes with something he wants, but I think most of these discussions have happened in private server spaces and I haven’t actually spoken much about it here, so let’s remedy that!

You are absolutely right--Aang’s lifelong monogamous relationship and Katara being his ‘forever girl’ clash with literally everything we actually know about Air Nomad culture. And it’s actually kind of frustrating, because this would have been an excellent chance for some worldbuilding--speak about how the Air Nomads did not hold with typical family structures, that monogamy simply wasn’t done because they practiced detachment and while that doesn’t mean they couldn’t love one another (Gyatso loved Aang a great deal, for example) it means they most likely would not have practiced relationship exclusivity.

Honestly, it would have been really cool to see a culture where monogamy was not the norm, and we get hints of it--Aang never knew his parents, and he wouldn’t have been discovered as the Avatar until years after his birth (I believe they do the toy test when the kids are toddlers or older), which means he was likely removed to the Air Temple shortly after being born. His parents most likely lived at separate temples--nuns had their own, as the temples were separated by gender--and its not a stretch to believe they didn’t have any sort of monogamous relationship. One theory I’ve seen proposted is that the AN practiced something like a yearly or bi-yearly fertility festival, where adults from the temples came together in celebration--of life, of love, of their people, of the element they breathed that informed every aspect of their lives--and I’m not suggesting wild orgies, but that many would pair off, have their own smaller celebrations, and return to the group, and this is where most pregnancies would happen.

That is, of course, pure speculation, but it would be a lot more in keeping with what we do know of the AIr Nomads than Aang deciding, at the ripe old age of twelve, that he’d found his ‘forever girl’ and he would be with her, and only her, for the rest of his life, no matter what.

It’s also very... odd, though, that Aang would even come up with this idea on his own. It’s not like there are tons of examples, as the gaang travel the world, of aggressively heterosexual couples pairing off and spending Forever together, because, well, they’re in the middle of a war and everyone has more important things to think about. And Aang’s crush, while cute and seeming more like puppy-love than anything else book 1 and most of book 2 (he literally imprinted on the first girl he saw when he hatched from the iceberg ok), becomes almost disturbingly possessive in book 3, and it really comes out of nowhere. When did Aang decide, without ever once asking, that Katara must return his feelings? And why? Because, as established, it makes absolutely no sense given what (admittedly little) we know about his own culture and how he was raised.

I realize that the Doyalist explanation is that Bryke are, themselves, aggressively heterosexual, and had decided from the jump that they wanted Aang to Get the Girl in the end, and so were determined to Make It Happen even when, given the story and how the characters had developed, it no longer made any narrative sense. (And yet they never thought to make Katara’s feelings a focus when trying to force Kataang to happen. Odd, that. Or maybe not so odd, considering their treatment of Katara in LoK. But I’m stopping myself here cause that’s a whole other rant.) But the Watsonian one paints a very unpleasant picture, especially given Aang’s actions towards Katara in book 3--during EIP in particular.

And it’s funny how Aang’s complete and total disregard for his people’s beliefs and culture, when it would deny him something he wants, is never mentioned in those ‘but Aang couldn’t kill Ozai, it goes against his culture’ posts. If Aang had demonstrated any willingness to uphold his people’s beliefs before this--like, say, following through on letting go of his attachment to Katara and understanding that if she didn’t feel the same way he did, he was not entitled to her affections and would be able to move on--then I’d be much more inclined to give those arguments credit.

As it is, however, the only reason I agree that Aang shouldn’t have had to kill Ozai is because he was just a child, and he should have been able to preserve the innocence of childhood as long as possible--but I still dislike the way his battle with Ozai ended, because he had disregarded his people’s beliefs over the entire book, he had done nothing to regain the Avatar State except get slammed against a pointy rock, and energybending was handed to him on a silver platter by a lionturtle who literally came out of nowhere to give it to him.

Not only that, but the discussion about what he would do once he actually faced the Firelord came much too late--the subject wasn’t even broached until The Southern Raiders, and thus Aang’s insistence that he can’t possibly take a life seems to come out of left field because a) he never felt any guilt over the lives he took while in the Avatar State at the end of book 1 (and this isn’t to say he was at fault for what Koizilla did while he was fused with it, but he has felt guilt over his actions in the Avatar State that were just as uncontrolled before this, and you’re telling me that he wouldn’t have seen any of that as blood on his hands? that if he killed Katara, or Sokka, or Toph, in one of those rages, he’d have just shrugged his shoulders and blamed it on the Avatar State? no), and b) there was absolutely no discussion of this before the eclipse, leaving one to wonder what, exactly, Aang was planning to do in that eight minute window where Ozai would be powerless. I don’t think it was a dance-off in the cards, that’s all I’m saying.

I’m sorry, I got incredibly off-topic. but the bottom line (TL;DR:) is: I absolutely agree with you. And it’s suspect, from both a character arc and a worldbuilding perspective, that Aang is only committed to his people’s beliefs and his culture in the one instance where he might have been asked to do something he didn’t want to, but not at all when following his own culture might have meant losing something he wanted. This not only paints him as incredibly selfish (something that is hard to dispute when looking at his behavior in book 3, though I would point out that if his arc actually followed a natural progression from books 1 and 2 he would have grown up rather than... that), but puts his culture in an incredibly simplistic light. We never get any deeper insight into what his people believed or how they lived, because Aang latches onto the first girl he sees and is determined to make her his ‘forever girl’, and there’s never any talk of how he was raised or what his people actually believed.

And even when he meets the Guru--someone much more well-versed in Air Nomad culture than Aang is, because Aang went into the ice at twelve years old and never had an opportunity to understand his culture--he almost immediately disregards what the Guru told him when it conflicts with his own desires. Sure, he says ‘I’m sorry, Katara’ when letting her go at the end of the finale (although....why he’s apologizing to her, when he’s had no indication she has feelings for him, and he certainly never asked, is beyond me), but come book 3 he’s right back to wanting to have her, and assuming he will just because he kisses her--without preamble, without any discussion of feelings, without even asking if she wants to be kissed--and flies off before the invasion.

Any way you slice it, it really doesn’t make sense, unless they wanted Aang to come across as selfish and pigheaded throughout the entirety of book 3. But I suspect that isn’t actually the image they wanted to project, and it makes me really sad when I think of what his arc could have been if it weren’t for Bryke’s insistence that he get the girl at the end of the story.

[proof-i-love-merthur-fics-a-lot]

Blog cheat sheet

I'll try to stay consistent with this...

Preferences:

I am not picky in the least, as long as it’s endgame Merthur I’ll most likely read it. However, I have preferences and there are some things I truly can’t get behind.

One of these things is when one of the two characters (let’s face it, it’s always Merlin) acts overly feminine or naive. They are two guys, I feel making one of them a girl in all but name is... unfair? I can’t find the right word for it, but still... I’m never one to talk about heteronormativity and stuff like that, I’m not into identity politics, but like come on. So no hidden hetero under the guise of two bros chilling in the hot tub. Obviously, it’s fine if a character has some feminine traits, I’m not saying guys should be 100% masculine.

I don’t dislike gender bent fics though; I feel as if it’s just another way to look at the dynamic, it’s not among my favorite, but it gets an honest D tier from me. I don’t get the feeling the author is trying to fool me, you know? 

I’m not into poly shipping at all when it comes to Merthur. I’m sorry, I’m very boring, whatever. Still, I only read monogamy and I won’t try out anything else. That’s just what I like.

I tend to avoid unhappy endings and Major Character Death, because I want to keep my psyche intact, thank you. I’ll dive into it if it’s an excellent fic tho.

Also, as a general rule... Nothing too political. I hate when the political ideology of the author somehow becomes the same as all the good characters, and the baddies are somehow all on the opposite side of the compass. It's annoying.

And that’s it. I think I’m pretty open to basically anything else.

Tags:

Every time a fic is ‘introduced’ on this blog, it will get tags describing it, which I’ll explain later. What I mean by introduced is the first time I share a particular fic on here, by linking the entire work. This means that a fic can appear several times on here. It will happen mainly for chapter updates, so for WIPs, or a completed work that I want to revisit or talk about some more. For chapter updates, the tags will be as follows:

#name of the fic (ex: #The student prince)

#chapter update

#chapter n (ex: #chapter 3)

Now, for the introducing posts. They’ll get this particular tag:

#introduction

Along with the name of the fic like before.

For every new fic I’ll also tag the author(s, if it’s more than one)

After, I’ll either put

#WIP

or

#Completed

depending on the fic, and I don’t think I need to elaborate further on that.

If I believe a fic deserves more attention, I’ll add:

#Underrated

If a fic doesn’t have this tag, it doesn’t mean I don’t like it, if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be here, it just means that I believe it needs more appreciation for one reason or another. For example: I like The Student Prince, but it certainly isn’t underrated.

Along with these personal tags, I’ll also include a word count if the fic is completed, they’ll be divided this way:

#<1k

#1k-5k

#5k-10k

#10k-30k

#30k-50k

#50k-100k

#100k-200k

#200k-300k

#fuck-its-long (>300k)

Why these random numbers? Idk, that’s how I mentally divide them.

I’ll also put the year they were uploaded. Not completed, as some rightfully take several years to make. I don’t think I need to list all those tags, it will literally be just the year.

To each fic I’ll add some actual tags found on AO3 like the usual

#canon era

#modern au

#soulmate au

#high school au

and some other tags not included in the work that I feel would fit.

If a work is part of a series I'll make an introduction linking to the latter, with the following tags:

#Name of the series

#Series

I know, I'm very creative... and handle the individual works as chapter updates with this tag:

#work n (work 2)

I think that’s it for the tags.

Suggestions:

Now what is this? If I ever actually get enough fics on here, I’ll try to do this thing I’d love to see on AO3, but alas, it’s only on Wattpad. Omg, Wattpad, I avoid bringing back memories, but this is one thing I did like about the app! In between chapters of a certain fic, Wattpad would suggest some similar works that you could read later, how cool is that? So I’ll try to do that on my introduction posts. Let’s see if I can keep this up long enough.

Which brings me to...

This blog:

How long will it last?

2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? 2 DAYS?!

IDK

I have no idea. I guess I’ll find out!

[eternalgirlscout]

Sokka/Zuko/Suki... my weakness.... if u have any headcanons id love to hear them 👀

first of all 

[gay history student in the avatar world voice] the fact that fire lord zuko took two nonbenders, one from the earth kingdom and one from the water tribe, the latter of whom was a man, as his beloved consorts following the 100 year war did more for equality than avatar aang’s defeat of ozai in this essay i will–

on a serious note:

sokka & suki are very good at open communication but are de-facto monogamous for a long while. LDRs are hard enough when you’re not helping actively rebuild the world

once they’re generally in the same place for long stretches of time they explore the structure of their relationship a little more. discuss the idea of non-monogamy. not much comes of it but it makes them both more comfortable

until

“suki, i have to tell you something”

“i have to tell you something too, sokka”

“i have a crush on one of our friends”

“no way! me too!”

“really? who’s yours”

“who’s yours?”

“let’s say them at the same time”

“okay. one”

“two”

“three”

“zuko” “zuko”

“oh thank goodness”

“yeah, that makes this way easier”

“oh, that too, but i was terrified yours was going to be my sister.”

zuko, meanwhile, is out of his mind in love with the two of them and has. not. noticed.

he’s new to the whole “having friends” thing, okay, and the only romantic relationship he’s ever been in was a delirious combination of an 8-year-old handing another 8-year-old a note that says ‘do u like me?’ and the entire album “Tallahassee” by the Mountain Goats.

he’s still friends with mai tho they’re chill

“yeah, i mean, aang is my best friend. but maybe sokka is my best friend? and suki? sokka and suki collectively are my best friend? i really like spending time with them. but i want to spend time with just them and i sometimes get kind of disappointed when our other friends show up when it’s just the three of us. is that bad of me? am i a bad friend? oh no i’m so bad at having friends”

[cut to iroh breaking out the heavy-duty teapot]

sokka & suki try so hard. they try SO HARD

cue montage:

sokka and suki putting together a romantic candlelit dinner for three, except sokka gets distracted when zuko bends over to help suki take something out of the oven and lights the tablecloth on fire. zuko puts the fire out but not until it’s too late for sokka to stop his momentum as he dumps a bucket of water over their meal, also dousing zuko.

a trip to the beach utterly ruined by a pathetic assassination attempt. suki has never been more irritated to have to chi-block someone.

late night sparring sessions that get intense and sweaty, all three of them exhausted, jelly-legged, leaning on each other, breath a little too close to one another’s faces until zuko pulls away and seems to take all the warmth with him.

zuko climbing into the palanquin, sokka and suki tapping the two bearers on the front on the shoulders and taking it from them and steering the dang thing all over town, then promptly getting chased by palace guards who don’t recognize suki without her facepaint and forgot who sokka is.

all three of them having a quiet night in, zuko reading, suki’s head in his lap, sokka on the floor tinkering with some new project and leaning his head against zuko’s knee. sokka and suki make eye contact and decide not to disturb the peace this time.

finally, finally, FINALLY they have to just sit him down and say, “look, zuko, we like you a lot.” “in a sappy, goopy, smoochy way.” “yes, thank you sokka.”

fire_lord.exe has stopped working

suddenly, he recalls all of uncle’s metaphors about loving many blends of tea because they each have a unique beauty but may be even more beautiful in combination with each other–

wow, okay, that one was pretty on the nose, wasn’t it

and… we’ll give them their privacy after that, shall we?

[shameless-notashamed]

why are they making them fight over every absurd thing in the book? first the whole job thing even tho mickey's always been a hard worker in the past so that's OOC, then the monogamy thing out of the blue even tho they've not cheated unless they're separate or under duress, and now the who's the man BS? what actual LGBT people even talk about that? i mean i've always just heard straight people projecting that narrative, not what this mess was? it's just so much pointless drama, like why this?

hey anon! thank you so much for the ask! i need to apologize up front though because i don’t think i’m going to give you the answers you are looking for. i most certainly can’t answer why the show is making ian and mickey have so many disagreements, but it does make sense to me. figuring out finances, fidelity and a future doesn’t seem absurd to me either. it’s been bumpy, but they are figuring out their expectations now that they are married, and since communication is still sometimes difficult for them, tensions are going to run high. i can totally understand the frustration you’re feeling though. it just seems like they should be past all this by now, right?! but everything is so different for them. they aren’t navigating in that old reality of abusive and controlling fathers, understanding mental illness, constant separation and prison sentences. they’ve never lived this life and they’ve never really had good role models for what a marriage could or should be. their learning curve is steep, but i just know they are going to get through all this and that they will figure it out together. and when they do, it will be all that much sweeter.

i didn’t personally think that the whole “who’s the man” thing was meant in the way it’s being perceived. there are different roles for each partner in every relationship, a balance must be found between sharing the responsibilities of caretaker and provider, but neither role is more important than the other. ian and mickey both had valid reasons to be upset with each other throughout the episode. ian wants to tell mickey what to do and mickey doesn’t want to be told what to do, so then this absurd question of who’s the man in the relationship becomes a ridiculous thing that they spend the rest of the episode asking everyone else what they thought, instead of just talking to each other. but for me it all comes down to that look they both had on their faces after v put them in their places. and she was right. they do need to stop one-upping each other and acting like they need to keep score. i believe they really heard that and in that moment it sunk in that trying to prove “who’s the man” is a fool’s journey that would only end in ruin.

is this all pointless drama? yeah, you’re probably right. we are watching shameless after all. but i’m honestly really liking this season. yes again, it’s a bit messy right now. but we’ve still got a lot of season to go and i for one am looking forward to it and there’s still a lot to look forward to! (ahem, that steamy kitchen kiss with our boys decked out in their camo gear. *swoon*) i’m really sorry that you’re frustrated, but hopefully if we just give it some time we might see that all this drama is leading to something and that it might just all be worth it. 🤞