#i’m still gone but these made my day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chanstopher · 8 months ago

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240329 Magic School Fanmeeting©️Layla are Roses

#bang chan #christopher bang #fs pics #240329 #truly the most beautiful boy in the world #i’m still gone but these made my day

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moonkhao · 3 months ago

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hi.

#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone #but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3 #it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere #like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july #which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault #i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY #anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like #flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation #i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D #and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen #it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold #(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all #like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love #ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place #anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls #and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE #he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual #i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now #i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3 #AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks #@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3

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hekateinhell · 3 months ago

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accidentally took somewhat of a vc fandom break for a while and i come back and it’s almost vamptember lol oops

#i’m not back back but i’m lurking and trying to catch up hope you’re all good & thriving! <3 #also being gone kind of made me reflect a lot on the state of vc fandom & sort of where i fit in & how i've changed since i started my blog #the good and bad yk it’s interesting to me to note where my meta thoughts #-have evolved or changed completely or remained exactly the same #and how i interact with fandom too bc i’ll be honest when my blog was peak active and i was answering several asks a day #-i was wired on stimulants *and* in school full-time #lbr that amount of activity requires a very specific sort of energy and a very specific sort of schedule #and thinking about things that i would do differently here if i could start over things i’ll be doing differently now #and things that i plan to keep doing!#anyway a lot changes in two years is what i’m trying to say #but dw i’m still thinking about armand and lestat every single day of my life that will never change <3 #hekate.txt

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simgerale · 8 months ago

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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

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trash-bin-ary · 2 months ago

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I can go on that ramble about the future and housing and aromanticism though now. It’s like man, the future is already something that is so inconceivable to me. To then have the sexuality that does not allow me to slot in the cookie cutter you find a romantic partner that you end up moving in with is terrible. And like In this economy I sure can’t live alone, and I know at least when I’m sick I desperately want someone to be there. And then there’s I’m likely to move around a bunch how do you deal with that housing, other than the work having paid housing. like constantly having to find somewhere that’s looking for roommates and it isn’t terrible? And then long term, when I find a job I stay at for a while (that’s remote so I’d love to live in a remote place) is it like I find a place to stay and then I’m stuck there forever and I just have to hope that I make good friends at this new place. (Friends that don’t want to live exclusively with a romantic partner no less.) I want to live with close friends so bad and I’m not sure if that’s a feasible thing for my future. I’m a person that has so much hope so I have to assume that yes it will work out, I do believe that. But man just hearing someone mention it, sparks that hope.

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steviescrystals · 7 months ago

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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

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xx-helliswheretheheartis-xx · 3 months ago

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i know i basically disappeared from tumblr and have a ton of asks i’ll eventually get to, but i wanted to come on here and say how proud i am of nick. he’s come so far and i can’t wait to see what he does with his music going forward

#i’m just gonna put my feelings in the tags #the instagram post he made tonight honestly feels like proper closure #it’s really sad that get scared is gone for good but it’s honestly for the best #but the music will always be there and we can be glad that it happened #not to get really personal #but #even after all these years get scared means a lot to me #their music helped me through a really dark time when i was a teenager #they brought me towards my first internet friends and i still talk to one of them to this day #and those are moments i’ll always cherish despite how bad some things ended #while it will be hard to let go because letting go means saying goodbye and sometimes growing #but knowing that chapter is over brings overwhelming peace #i’m really proud of nick i feel like i grew up with him and i hope he continues to flourish #he deserves the fucking world and all its stars after what he’s been through #sending nick all of my love and well wishes

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seilon · 4 months ago

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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!

#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account #it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen #she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least #even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of #dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore #because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to #contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help #my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing #anyway I’ve given myself a headache #I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious #not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did #if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate #my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly #I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance #and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late #as possible and it . doesn’t even matter #im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs #vent #like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount #through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore #not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground #I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it #I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating

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mangora · 4 months ago

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On one hand Trevek is canon which is infuriating and terrible because Trevor deserves better and Derek is a nothing character with no likable or sympathetic traits beyond occasionally having funny lines and Emily is literally right there. On the other hand Trevek is canon which is awesome because Noahh’s character had to kiss a man

#alex’s dc rambles #anyways. ep 18 bad but who’s surprised #Jake and Riya are so alike because they’re both great in their og seasons and lowkey terrible here #I’m still team Jake because yk he’s been my scrimbly from day one but Ally deserves it a little more maybe…imo…#really hope Jake and Ally finally make up tbh I really love both of them and need them to be besties #or at least chill #also s2 riya absolutely deserved to make finale and I loved here there but honestly having a character make the finale twice is…mmm…#like give someone else a shot. she hasn’t even had a good arc this season like she did in s2 #also I’m glad Connor is gone because I did not like him as a finalist #or even as a character since his comeback tbh early s3 Connor come back to me #but him leaving as like. idk a hero sacrificing himself. like it wasn’t deserved #hate how he’s treated as such a golden boy like somehow hes always in the right #sigh. society if grett and/or gabby made the finale #wtv. that hotel episode better sweep. also if they start villainizing Emily I’m going to bite my computer in half

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michi-chelle · 1 year ago

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“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard

#if only this song came out like 6 years ago lol #i’m also nearing the end of season 2 of my free! rewatch and gosh haru’s conflict hits closer to home than ever #and idk if i’m just getting more emotional lately but makoto and haru’s fight in ep 11 deadass made me tear up #when will i stop relating to teenagers real or fictional lmao #part of me wishes i was still a teenager just because being a teenager would explain my sense of purposelessness in everything i do #like taking things one day at a time with a blurry future on a road leading to nowhere #but others having high expectations from you and being sad seeing you so lost #but you just don’t want to let go of what you have now #you don’t want to box your passions in what other people want from you #and going back to the lyrics of the song #you feel like there’s not much you can offer anymore ‘cause you were a ‘gifted’ kid and now you’re just an ordinary person #whose gone complacent to the disappointment of everyone who wants to see you succeed but you feel you don’t have it in you #so again you’re just floating through life trying to enjoy the blessings each day brings again with no clear goal #anyway idk what i’m writing #at the same time i’m glad i’m not a teenager anymore ‘cause that shit sucked #but being a grown adult sucks ass too #i know there doesn’t need to be any purpose in life but #i feel like things’ll be easier if i did have a dream #guess i need a best friend to take me to another country or something to inspire me or something #in other words i’m about to watch one of my fave free eps where rin and haru go to australia #anyway i’m rambling #michi yaps

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goldensunset · 1 year ago

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cheers to this guest lecturer for nearly giving me a heart attack making me think there was a paper due tomorrow that i hadn’t even heard about so i couldn’t focus the rest of the lecture and like rushed home and opened the site to find there was nothing at all