#i’m off to bed now

[not-available-for-comment]

There is a frog under your bed.

“You’re not a very good monster,” you tell it. You’re lying on your belly on the dark floor. The carpet scratches at your chin. “Monsters have teeth, and they eat little kids right up!” Your dad always said so anyway.

“Why should I be a monster?” asked the frog. “Other things can be under the bed. Like that Lego.” It’s true, there is a Lego brick hiding behind the bedpost. But you already knew that Lego was there. You hadn’t known about the frog.

“Monsters are things that live under the bed uninvited,” you tell the frog. The frog’s eyes twitch in your direction, his throat puffing doubtfully.

“So the dust bunnies are monsters?” The frog asks. “They don’t have teeth either.”

“No!” You smack the flat of your hand against the floor in frustration. “Monsters don’t belong under the bed! Monsters don’t belong anywhere!”

“Then why are you looking under the bed for them?” The frog asks.

You don’t know the answer. You start to cry. There are footsteps in the hallway. “Kiddo?” It’s your mom’s voice. She opens the door. “What are you doing out of bed? Are you ok?”

“There’s a frog under the bed!” you tell her through your tears.

“A frog!” She picks you up, and sits down on the edge of the bed with you in her arms. “But frogs are nice! They catch insects and say, ‘Ribbit ribbit!’. A frog under the bed is a friend!”

“This one doesn’t say ribbit ribbit,” you say sullenly, though your tears are drying. “It just asks questions.”

“What kind of questions?” your mom asks.

“I don’t know,” you mumble, “About monsters.”

“Well if the frog is asking you about monsters it must not have found any under the bed,” your mother says. “I’ll bet it keeps good watch for you.”

You don’t know if that’s a very satisfying answer, but you can tell your mom wants it to be. You nod.

“Ready to go back to bed?” your mom asks.

“Yeah,” you say. You climb out of her lap and she tucks you in and kisses your forehead and tells you to sleep tight. After she’s left the room and closed the door, you hang your head off the edge of the bed and look underneath. The frog is still there.

“You should go live under Mom’s bed,” you tell it, “She needs a friend.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good monster,” the frog says.

“It’s ok,” you say. “Did you eat any bugs?”

“Just some gnats,” says the frog.

“Oh.”

There’s a brief, companionable silence. The blood is rushing into your head and making your face feel too full.

“You know,” the frog says eventually, “You have a mouthful of good strong teeth. And you don’t belong under the bed.”

You consider this. Slowly, you let your body slither out from under the sheets and onto the floor. Careful to land lightly so your mom doesn’t know you’re up to something.

“Do I have to eat little kids right up?” You ask softly.

“I think that’s optional,” says the frog. “The important thing is to make fearsome noises and snatch at ankles.” The frog holds up a webbed foot. “I’m not good at that last one.”

“Can I help then?” you ask. The frog nods solemnly. “And you’ll eat the bugs? And the spiders?” you ask. The frog nods again.

“It’s in my nature,” it says.

Very, very quietly, you reach up onto the bed and take down your teddy and your blanket. And then you crawl under your bed on your belly. It’s dark.

“Welcome, little monster,” says the frog. You smile. And hiss. And curl up in your blanket. And sleep.

[thegreatnpowerfulspuukiiz]

am i the only one who unironically enjoys when animated kids movies end with a big dance scene? like- i get how it’s not fitting for some movies, and that it’s been done probably to death at this point, but i mean, idk. it’s just such a fun way to end a kids movie, you get to watch everyone vibe while watching the credits plus i just love animated dancing, it always makes me smile ( ˶´ ᵕ `˶ )

[backlikeineverleft]

ngl, you didn’t heart react my selfie and it made me feel some type of way.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

I don’t know why I’m suddenly compelled to post about this, but I was just thinking about medical dramas and had to laugh.

What tv thinks medical drama is:

Who’s sleeping with who, doctors did everything in the hospital and no other kind of staff exists so it’s so stressful for them, who’s sleeping with who, insane scenarios, did I happen to mention who’s sleeping with who?

vs

What actual medical drama looks like.

[eatyourdamnpears]

I’ve been in such a funk since the concert. I’m not even sure I enjoyed myself that much. maybe I did. I don’t know

[blitzy-blitzwing]

Lucifer’s demon form tho. 👀

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

✨ As our lord and savior hozier once said “move me baby” ✨

[myokk]

💘

[chalamet-chalamet]

[coffbeanie]

Tim and Brian most def cuddled in bed if they had to do on campus housing (cause like ik for my school its a requirement) so imagine its late af and one of them doesn’t wanna go back to their dorm so they just have to share the one twin xl

[chaoswarfare]

a little dp x dc art ;))

gotham in the ghost zone

[laurrelise]

ok so: the umbrella academy except it’s about the hargreeves siblings in 40 years when five is a very, very old man but really in his early 50’s while the rest of the siblings are senior citizens whom five has to take care of against his will

someone please read the tags and yap about this with me. thank you

[hawnks]

Enough dancing around it.

I need a loverboy. One who is insane though. Plans out in excruciating detail all the firsts (firsts dates first kisses first oral fem receiving), loves to gift roses and champagne, says I love you every ten minutes and always means it sincerely and with his whole heart. Takes everything incredibly seriously, cherishes every moment with his lover, would literally kill someone for hurting his little puppy and probably already has.

[star-spangled-man]

guys…what the fuck…

[padawansuggest]

Helix: *goes to help pull a halfway melted part of Cody’s blacks up so he could cut it off, and get smacked on the hand for it* hmmm…

Cody: *did not mean to do that just got startled while he was trying to do the same thing to his left ankle, isn’t actually hurt just annoyed because melted blacks apparently stick to your body hair* …!!!

Helix: You know. I once had a dream where you drank so much coffee your body started to shut down.

Cody: …???

Helix: Yeah. I guess it starts with paranoia, huh?

Cody: -_- I think it has more to do with the shinies that tried to wax me with my own melted blacks.

Helix: Keep telling yourself that.

[gravehags]

cock AND balls?? in this economy??