#i’m not proud of myself for graduating

[angelfoodscake]

ok all that walking has finally tuckered me out , but just talking to my school psychologist put me in such a good mood . like i was so happy!

it definitely made me feel assured , and i know the negative thoughts will probably come back but, something i needed in the moment

i feel so young yet so old. was told its normal to feel so lost at this age. she told me that people don’t even feel like adults when theyre into their 20s and 30s

ok now i forgot what else she said because it’s been a few hours

[angelmush]

the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.

[mostrizzaward]

I’d like to thank daniel howell for my 3.9 GPA in law school this semester, did it for you babe <3

[sophies-junkyard]

So uh I’m really posting for myself but… I did it!

Bachelors of Science in both Physiology and Biology (pre-medical concentrations).

Also a Spanish minor

And uh. I graduated with Honors.

And the grades aren’t finalized yet, but uh… Magna Cum Laude? (I mean even if something Hilarious happens, I think I can round on tumblr)

And I just. Uh. Idk it hasn’t sunk in yet. Like I haven’t cried yet or anything but… I did that.

[ichthustent]

btw guys i graduated!!! my cap had a nod to next semester of course, very happy i made it through :’) “graduate now”, and i did!!! <3 all thanks to this band (and a few other things)

[ramblings-into-the-void]

There is no feeling quite like when you recommend something to your friend and they get consumed by it like you did and you knew they would

[the-sn0wy-0wl]

.

[angelicwolf98]

...

[theastronovastarlight]

✨🫧🎉GRADUATED!🎉🫧✨

[malachitezmeyka]

Idk why I thought the new year would suddenly bring immense change to me as a person, it was such a childish belief, I can’t believe I let myself fall for it. The years go by but I remain the messed up anxious wreck who starts crying the second she’s left alone with her thoughts. The new year won’t change anything, nothing will

[deus-ex-mona]

congrats to anyone who has graduated recently/will be graduating soon~~~ y’all did it!!!!!

[tittyhunt]

.

[campirebitesarchive]

I just booked my tattoo and I could cry of happiness

[chazz-is-a-zelda-fan]

can’t post this on insta considering a good chunk of my irls follow me there and they wouldn’t get this but i’ve been doing a lot better this week about keeping up with myself, i think

[stillthe1]

.

[jmflowers]

Cataloguing this life again cause I kind of can’t believe it’s mine. Sometimes I feel as though I haven’t done enough, or I’m not good enough, or like people are lying when they say I’m worth anything. But then I have days like today and it’s an oh. I’m capable.

So, todays project was called a “White’s Day”. My Cinematography profs make it happen at the very end of the final semester for students in my program at the college. Basically, they get a bunch of cinema quality gear for us to work with and give us a day to execute a short film shoot, adhering to a schedule of their making. It’s designed to be exhilarating and stressful and just a lot of fun. Tons of learning.

We got our script a week ago and broke down four scenes across a bunch of different teams - there’s about 40 of us in our final semester. I missed the production meeting, but a classmate reached out and asked if I was interested in joining him on the direction team. So, I was given a scene and had to break down how I wanted it to be executed.

Planning for it involved working through my pages - my scene had “3 7/8” (which means just under 4) pages - and deciding what sort of moments I wanted to emphasize, where tension could be added, and how I wanted the scene to feel. From there, I sat down with my co-director and we talked through the logistics of the blocking; where characters needed to be and why and how they would move through the scene. I wrote all these notes into a shot list and took them into a meeting with my DP.

DP, DOP, or Cinematographer are all just names for the person in charge of making the visuals happen for the director. I hand picked my DP because he’s a classmate I’d really been wanting to work with and hadn’t yet (and he has such an incredible eye with a camera). That was one of the best choices I made. He helped me transform my logistic vision into a storyboard and then into some of the most beautiful shots I’ve ever been a part of.

We brought that plan onto set this morning. I’d begged the production team to shuffle our schedule and put my scene first, as it was the longest, so we started the day in our location. It took a long time to get set, since we’re a team of students trying to corral each other. As director, I basically had to stand back and watch as they figured out the dolly and set up lights and all that jazz - director isn’t allowed to touch a thing. I was, however, allowed to watch the clock and see my allotted time ticking away.

In the industry, overtime happens a lot. You learn quickly that you must adapt as fast as possible. So, as time ticked away, I started mentally going through our planned shot list and began cutting what we wouldn’t need for coverage. This is where I was so glad to have a DP who was comfortable working with me; our rapport is good and so we pivoted quickly as a team (which can’t be said for other teams, who argued when in similar positions). We stripped our plan down to what was necessary and would allow us to still do the couple of shots we just knew would be fun to execute.

I also was doing all the normal director stuff we think of when we hear that word: communicating with actors about what I wanted, calling action and cut, choosing which shots I wanted and how to frame them. Lots of staring at a monitor and then giving instructions.

And we managed to wrap our scene on time. Despite not rolling until 27 minutes after our plotted start time. Despite a hold for some sound interference. Despite some elaborate dolly moves. I am so impressed with myself and my team because we pulled it off!

I am so grateful that I had the people I did working with me. I am so glad that my co-director is a kick ass focus puller and that he stepped up into that role at the last minute - I don’t know anyone else who could’ve done his job at the F-stop we were at. These guys made me look soooooooo good and our scene looks amazing and we all had so much fun doing it.

The final product of this is something I am going to be so proud to have my name on. I feel like I proved myself today, to my peers and my profs and myself. I am capable. I can do this.

And I can have the time of my life doing it!