#i’m not even scared my body is just stuck in fight or flight

[the-mud-and-dirt]

passing out triggered my anxiety and this weekend has been straight up hell

[websterss]

THOSE EYES  — LUKE PATTERSON

REQUEST: Hi!! So I've seen your account recently and I really would like you to write jatp luke Patterson x reader, when the Reader is always so goofy and childish. So they are sick like they have a very bad fever, and they are very weak and Luke takes care of them, and maybe sings a lullaby to help them sleep by singing to them and rocking them please. 

WARNING(S): um cussing mostly, and fluff

WORD COUNT: 985

PAIRING: Luke Patterson x fem!Reader    

A/N: Hope you enjoy it! ♡ Feedback is always welcomed!

MASTERLIST

“Y/n, I know you’re in there!” Rapid thuds against your window can be heard. The loudness that vibrates through the window shook through your body. You pull the duvet over your head to hopefully muffle the sounds of your annoying friend.

“Come on, let me in!”

“Goaway.” You muffle yelled. Though to your annoyance, it simply slipped your mind that Luke has the ability to poof in and out of places. Perks of being a ghost. “No. I wanna be at peace!” You whine as you sense his presence before you.

“Hello to you too, sunshine.”

“Goaway.” Your voice muffled under your blanket.

“Can’t do that. Julie specifically told me to come and help you around the house since she’s at school.”

“Why!” You kick out the duvet off you. Moving around frantically, part tantrum. “I don’t need a ghost. I need a goddamn miracle-“ You stop feeling clogged up air in your chest causing you to cough. “God I hate being sick.”

“Do you need anything?” Luke walked over, pressing the back of his hand against your warm tempered forehead. “No fever.”

“I just wanna sleep honestly.” You sigh heavily. Turning your head to meet his eyes. “I have this massive migraine that I’ve been trying to cure with ibuprofen for the last couple days, but I stopped because I’m scared of growing an addiction.” You muster a grin, finding the bit hilarious. “Then there’s my congested nose, trying to breathe has been a bitch. I keep waking up in the middle of the night in coughing fits because my lungs can’t get any air.”

“You gotta tell your lungs to work man!”

“I’m trying!” You laugh, heaving a slight bit then feeling the urge to cough again. “This sucks. I don’t even know how I got sick. It’s like all my energy just got drained right out of me. It’s ruined my whole week.” You let your arms fall in defeat by your sides. “I’m sorry, Luke. I know I said I’d be there for the band’s rehearsals but— I barely have the energy to get out of bed these days.” A faint smile paints your face.

“Hey, don’t sweat it okay. Rehearsals will still be there for you to watch after you get better alright? Besides, we can always record what you’ve missed.” Luke sat on the edge next to you. His comfort dissolves the aches and pain that run through your entire system. The mere thought of knowing someone wanting to look after you, gave you hope for a full recovery sooner rather than later. “Though you’re not missing much honestly.���

“Only my social life.” You dismissed passively. “Can’t believe I’m stuck here and you guys are making music. Unfair.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better-” He pointed at your side, activating your flight or fight response. You laughed moving away from his hands, never one to enjoy being tickled. “We’re not really having much luck with coming up with new songs.”

“Now that I found it hard to believe.”

“No seriously, it’s like we ran out of inspiration.”

“Oh come on! You guys seriously haven’t written anything while I’ve been at home sick?”

Luke shrugged. “We’re all missing our muse…” He reached forward to boop you on the nose.

“Please, I’m no muse.” You half heartedly laugh.

“Maybe not the guys, but definitely mine.” He nodded surely.

“Well then, I’m honored.” You reach forward and take a hold of his hand. Twiddling with his fingers. Intertwining and untwining your hand with his. “Any chance I can hear something?” You batted your eyes playfully. A pout full on display. “Would you sing for a poor sick girl?” You force a cough out of your mouth. “A sneak peek of what’s to come?”

“You sure know how to persuade a guy.” Luke smirked.

“What can I say–“ You cough again. “I’m pretty convincing.” Your eyes crinkle, a sleepy haze falls over your tired form.

“Alright sleepy head, I’ll give you something.” He brought his hand up to lightly brush away some flyaway hairs from your eyes. His touch softly lingering. Soothing the slight ache that didn’t want to go away.

“What’s it–“ You yawn big. “called?”

“Well, Julie, the guys, and I haven’t really settled on a name yet, but I think we’re inching closer with Those Eyes.”

“It sounds nice…” You adjust yourself into the bed. Bring the covers up to your chest. The thing about having the flu was that you had the tendency to get shivers here and there, other times hot spells causing you to kick off the covers. A continuous back and forth situation. Right now you were just simply feeling cold. 

“It does. It’s a little slower than any of our other songs, but I think it’ll be a nice touch to the album.”

“Let’s hear it, rockstar.” You hummed. Placing your hands flat over your covered stomach.

“Give me a second.” Luke scoffed humorously. He began making a rhythmic beat on his jean clad thigh, head slowly bobbing as he tried to find his pitch. He took a deep breath and began singing.

“Cause all of the small…things that you do…are what remind me why I fell for you...” His smile grew seeing you start to slip into a deep slumber. Your breathing evening out and becoming slower. He leaned forward, letting his hands caress the side of your cheek gently. His heart fluttering as you subconsciously leaned into his touch. “and when we're apart, and I'm missing you. I close my eyes and all I see is you...and the small things you do.” He leaned back and watched you sleep. His favorite pastime, knowing you were getting rest, and at peace in the comfort of your bedroom. “Sweet dreams, peaches.” Then he was gone in a poof. Silence filling the space, and your sleep unbothered.

[colibrie]

Confrontations- Doubling Down, part III

Art credit to the incredible @trilobitepunch. Check out all of her art, it's incredible!

When no reply came in return Mikey pushed back and went to his and Leo’s room, quietly closing the door behind him. The room was exactly how they had left it, but the excitement of the morning felt so far away now. Nearly another life time, another him all together.

He sighed, dropping down to sit on the edge his bed.

“Man…What am I going to-Ack!”

A shadow broke from the rest to zip across the room, leathery wings beating gusts of air into his face as happy trills and squeaks broke through the gloom.

“George!” Mikey cheered, his mouth and mood lifting as he held up an arm to his beloved pet. “Hey buddy!”

The smooka chirped as he settled on the proffered perch, chattering affectionately as his scaly head nuzzled against Mikey’s cheek.

“Heh, I missed you too,” Mikey hummed, giggling at the sensation of a wiggly nose pressing against the sensitive parts of his neck. “You would not believe the day we’ve had.”

Words poured past his lips as he told his beloved friend about training, about the fight, their flight home, and the revelations of the afternoon. About his father’s story and the weaponized words his brother and father had hurled at one another.

“I don’t know what to do George,” he groaned, flopping back to stare at ceiling. “I don’t know how to fix this!”

George let out a sympathetic croon, prehensile tail wrapping lightly around Mikey’s neck in a lose hug as a pair of sharp front teeth tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“I know they didn’t mean what they said, either of them,” Mikey continued, fingers stroking the short fuzz on his friend’s mottled brown skin. “Dad and Leo are stubborn, and they just…gah, I don’t know! I don’t even know how I feel about all this! I mean, it’s not like I didn’t know that I had two other brothers at some point, but Raph and Donnie… it’s…I’m…”

George purred, a deep rumble that shook his tiny body as it sank soothingly into Mikey’s chest. It coaxed the air and frustration from his lungs and encouraged him to take a new, clean breath.

“Yeah…You’re right George. I can’t help any of them if I don’t start with me. So, let’s do this Dr. Feelings!” he agreed, lightly clapping his hands to psyche himself up.

“First step is to break the feelings down and define them. I’m…overwhelmed. Confused, and scared. Someone tried to kill me, and that someone is actually my big brother, whose name is Raphael. Leo froze up and got hurt because of my other brother Donatello, and that is scary too. I’m also…frustrated, and maybe a little angry. I’m frustrated with myself for panicking and forgetting how to land the ship. I’m frustrated that Leo and Dad can’t just talk to each other. I’m... I’m angry at dad for treating my force abilities like they’re bad thing. I’m angry that I didn’t even know my other brothers’ names. I’m angry…no…I’m hurt that I’m the only one who doesn’t get remember them, that Leo and Dad have all these memories to fall back on while I’m stuck in the dark. I’m hurt that I just found out my big brothers are alive, and dad won’t let us go after them.”

He paused to pull in several slow breaths, carefully counting each one as George continued to purr against his throat.

“Okay, emotions identified. Great job! Now to take a step back and put those emotions in context.”

The shadows slowly grew longer as he worked, George occasionally letting out a squeak or chirp in support as he carefully untangled the skeins of his thoughts and feelings.

“There’s something dad isn’t saying about what happened back at the temple, but…it’s not because he wants to hurt us, and I don’t think he forbid us from going after Raph and Donatello because he doesn’t care. I think he’s just scared. For some reason, he’s scared of whatever it was Leo saw, and he’s probably scared that what happened to Donnie and Raph will happen to us too. Leo is probably feeling awful right now. Probably feels betrayed and thinks he’s all alone with everything. Which means he’s gonna do something stupid…”

“Not on my watch,” he muttered, pushing himself up. “Come on George, we’ve got work to do!”

_________________________________________

The silvery light of the moon gilded the treetops, wispy clouds scrolling lazily across a sky studded with breathtaking stars. The night’s chorus well underway, a symphony of nocturnal insects and creatures moving through their monotonous routines, unconcerned with the faintest footsteps that slipped by. Beaten earth wound on to the clearing, shadows peeling back as a lone, lean figure strode toward the parked shuttle. One hand was shoved deep into a pocket while the other held a bag slung over his shoulder, the hem of a long coat barely kissing the top of grass as he passed. His head hung low, the moon highlighting the brilliant blue of his mask as he frowned absently at the ground.

“Bedtime stroll, Leo?” a voice broke the silence as a second, smaller figure detached itself from the side of the shuttle, stepping out into the moonlight as the taller one flinched to a halt.

“M-Mikey?” Leo blinked, mouth falling open in puzzled shock as he glanced between his little brother and the direction he had just come. “Wha…. How…but you were…?”

“Wow, you must be really off your game if you actually fell for the old pillow under a blanket trick,” Mikey scoffed, letting his own bag drop beside him with a dull thump before crossing his arms. “Care to share what you’re doing out here in the middle of the night?”

“Uh…”

“Because I know it’s not because you were planning to steal the shuttle to go after Donnie and Raph all alone, right?”

“What? Pshaw, that doesn’t sound like something I would do,” Leo laughed, faceman smile spreading across his lips as Mikey silently returned a dry, unimpressed look.

“Really Leo?”

“Really! Everything is fine Mikester, I just couldn’t sleep is all. You know how it is. I just need a walk to wind down. You should head back though; dad will go ballistic if he finds-”

“I’m gonna save us both some trouble and stop you right there,” Mikey cut in, planting his hands on his hips as he leaned into Leo’s space, pinning his elder brother with a glare that had Leo leaning back, hands half raised in unconscious surrender. “I know you are planning on stealing the shuttle. I know you are planning to go after Raph and Donnie, and I am going with you.”

“I won’t…you’re what now?”

“I. Am going. With you.”

“Absolutely not! Mikey go ho-”

“They are my brothers too, Leonardo,” he argued. “I may not remember them the way you do, but that doesn’t mean I love them less!”

“I didn’t say tha-”

“And that also goes for you. You are my big brother, and I love you! Whatever comes next, we are going to face it together. Understood?!”

They stared at each other, a silent battle of wills backset by the songs of the night. George shuffled on his perch on Mikey’s shoulder, chattering softly as he too stared a Leo with shiny, expectant eyes. Little by little Mikey’s resolve chipped away at Leo’s, until at last the elder gave in, huffing out a resigned sigh. The next smile he gave shifted away from the perfect, artificial faceman to something a little more crooked, a little more real.

“Alright, alright, I give. Yeesh, you’re a real delicate touch when you want something.”

“You know it baby!” Mikey crowed, a wide smile replacing his glare as he leapt forward and wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck. “I’ve got your back Lee!”

“I know,” Leo mumbled, gently patting Mikey’s shell. “Its going to be a lot harder with out the maps in dads holocron, but we’ll figure something out.”

“Or” Mikey snickered, fingers deftly poking the sensitive skin at the back of Leo’s neck, “you could just say “abracadabra”.”

“Abraca-aaahhhh! Mikey, why?!” Leo squawked, flinching back. Mikey smirked as his brothers glare quickly transformed into dumbfounded delight as he took in the bright cube now sitting in Mikeys palm.

“Ta-da!”

“How did you…?”

“Jedi secret, oh beloved brother. Maybe one day you’ll reach my level of skill.”

“You little!”

Mikey squealed as Leo lunged for him, and the clearing rang with laughter as the two chased each other under the watchful stars. Mikey inevitably ended up in a headlock, giggling like a fool as Leo fought to both noogie him and push away a swooping George. Said headlock slowly transitioned to a tight embrace, the two of them standing firm against the looming unknown.

“We’ve got this Lee,” Mikey whispered, holding on with all his strength.

“Let’s bring them home,” Leo answered, pressing a kiss to the top of Mikeys head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Down below their father awoke to a horrifyingly familiar feeling, one he’d had only once before, on the night when everything changed.

No. Please, no!

The door slammed as clawed feet tore up the path, terror mounting as the familiar whine of a shuttle lifting off shattered the night.

Not my boys. Please! Please, not my boys!

“Boys, no!” he screamed as the shuttle appeared above the trees, willing his legs to go faster even as his heart wailed for the impending loss.

They are too young! he begged, willing the force to listen. Please don’t take them too!

“LEONARDO! MICHELANGELO!”

He reached the clearing as the ships thrusters engaged, one hand reaching uselessly for sky as the shuttle, and his precious children, shot into the atmosphere.

[let-there-be-tboys]

FIRST T SHOT: COMPLETE✅✅✅‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

details under the cut!! :-)

oh GOD i am so happy. oh god. oh i am losing my mind. years of agony every waking moment is gonna be over soon enough. even though i won’t see changes for a while, i already feel better.

it came a day early and they accidentally sent me testosterone cypionate instead of enanthate which, longer half-life + 8 carbon fucks severely so i’m not complaining!!! i don’t think i’m allergic, i got a little itchy immediately after injecting but i think it was mostly nerves/putting on my pajamas that had dog hair on them (i’m allergic to my dog), and it went away. i also feel nauseous ~2 hours after injection but i don’t know if it’s an issue with the T or just nerves or something unrelated. i was scrolling on tiktok for a bit which always makes me feel super nauseous so maybe that’s why

this was really, really, really scary. i did it on call with one of my best friends in the world (also trans, on e) and she really helped me. she’s the only person in my life who knows i’m on t, major shoutout, cannot express how much i love her

it’s been 2.5 hours since injecting about 25mg. i fucked up and am not quite sure how much i actually got in there cause the t got all stuck in the syringe plunger??? but the second time it worked i think. may have been more or less then 25mg…but…about? oops!

it didn’t hurt at all the first time but i fucked up and had to start over. the second time hurt a little because i forgot to turn the needle’s long side closer to my body, also the adrenaline had calmed down a little so i felt it more!!! but it was all very lovely and chill. i do subcutaneous (subq) and the needle was tiiiiiny tiny tiny so it really was nothing

i generally just feel Weird. everything feels sharper, i’m very very aware of my body right now. i was in absolute fight or flight panic defense mode while doing the injection because it was 1. just kinda a scary thing! 2. scared someone in my house was gonna catch me (they didn’t, we are all good). so i don’t know if my current Weird feeling is from T or from coming down from my crazy defense mode.

it feels like yesterday it was early august and i first heard of diy, it feels like yesterday i was holding my breath wondering if this was something i could really do. it feels like yesterday i, a trans kid in the south with no resources and no trans community, all on my own besides for a few friends up north, tasted real, tangible hope for the first time. and now i’m here and i did it. i started hrt. i finally did it

it’s Weird but really nice. i looked in the mirror and i feel different, i feel like me but also like a different person and i think i really like it and only time will tell how this all goes!!! i thank god and the universe and whatever divine luck brought me here because oh lord i have been so lucky. i am so lucky and have been so protected. i am so immeasurably grateful

[koogl001]

May I ask For A Singer Reader X Alastor? It's kinda like That you Are A Singer And then you fell to hell. The first demon Is Alastor And he kinda likes your singing? It's ok if you don't want to do this Or you don't Understand it. But if you do do it. Thank you!

Sorry, it's a little yandereish towards the ending, only because I naturally see Alastor as someone who is possessive and territorial, making him the perfect yandere character.

One-Shots and HCs Masterlist

From being a successful singer living in luxury to a low-ranking demoness with nowhere to go, you came across the advertisement for a place called the Happy Hotel and being the curious self you were, you decided to check the place out. It’s not like you had anything better to do. Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t believe a soul that ended down here could actually be redeemed, but the idea was quite interesting. And who knows, maybe you could get a job there, or at least ask the owners if they knew of any job opportunity you could take. To lighten your mood, you softly sang you favourite song, seeing as no one was around so it wouldn’t be awkward. Or so you thought, at least.

“My my, what lovely voice you have darling.”

Came a staticky voice out of nowhere. You quickly spun and observed your surroundings, not spotting anyone anywhere. Was that just your imagination? Are you going crazy? You were on high alert, being in Hell long enough to know violence was a daily occurrence.

“Now now, no need to be scared, darling. I was simply admiring your talent.”

A hand firmly but not too roughly squeezed your shoulder. Your breath hitched. Turning around, you came face to face with a tall, menacing figure of a man all in red, his mouth stuck in a permanent smile. Well, fuck.

“Oh, how ungentlemanly of me!”

He proclaimed, letting go of you and bowing mockingly, one hand on his chest while the other was grasping a microphone of sorts.

“My name is Alastor, one of the overlords of Hell.”

He straightened himself back up, looking at you expectantly.

“H-hi… I’m (y/n)…”

“Pleasure to meet you, quite a pleasure! I heard your singing and just couldn’t resist, what a performance!”

He was dramatically gesticulating with his arms to accelerate his point. It was almost comedic if he wasn’t so creepy looking. After the awkward conversation that took place, you mentioned your unemployment issue and your desire to seek out this Happy Hotel in search of a job. What a lucky coincidence it was, that this interesting fellow was actually familiar with the place, proposing to lead the way. It was great! You were well received by the owner Charlie and her girlfriend and even starred in some of the commercials showing your singing gift. Everything was perfect, or so it seemed.

“Darling, did you really think I wouldn’t find out about this?”

Came the voice you were so used to by now. The voice belonging to no one ese but the terrifying overlord working along side with you.

“Did you really think that a low life like him could actually make you happy?”

He caressed your hair, his tight grip on your waist signalling an unspoken threat.

“Did you really think he would be able to protect you, love you and give you what you wanted?”

His cold breath on your neck made your fight or flight instinct kick in. Why? Why did it have to be this way?

“Now, don’t look so scared, you know I wouldn’t harm you my dear.”

Trashing around the grip on you only tightened, making all dreams of escape be only that, dreams. How did you not see this coming? How did you ignore all those red flags? The lifeless body of one of the customers of the hotel lied in front of you, chunks of it all over the walls and even the ceiling. All of this only because you agreed to have dinner with him.

“I am a very territorial man, you see? Especially when it comes to what’s rightfully mine.”

No one was able to save you, not from him.

“Now my little songbird, you will never escape!”

[godshivered]

Just saw your "Melissa has PTSD" idea and I am totally on board. If you're comfortable answering, do you think that would be more from her marriage or from the "shady" side to her family that sometimes gets hinted at in the show?

ty for asking!! ok so it very much depends on what we find out about melissa’s family and ex (i imagine the show will tell us more eventually). but in general:

i had a personal headcanon for a while that melissa has a tough relationship with her parents, mainly bc they are never mentioned as stepping up during the struggles with her nana’s health. but generally they never come up, which interests me. and if joe was a toxic ex and she stuck around with him despite that, that’s a telltale sign of an unstable attachment to parents. AND THEN i read a couple fics on ao3 which also headcanon melissa as having mother issues. most recently, “before it’s all too much” by Teyamarra has a good exploration of that dynamic.

obviously melissa’s family gets up to some… funny business, legally speaking. i don’t know what i think that is, exactly, or how much involves her. but i do think growing up in a family with so many secrets, knowing from a young age that people generally can’t be trusted, would give her some learned hypervigilance. depending on the ramifications she’s seen (if she’s had any family members hurt/jailed, if she herself has been arrested or hurt), this could be a root for complex PTSD.

(i do think it’s complex PTSD that melissa would have (short definition: PTSD due to continuous trauma, rather than a few extreme instances of trauma), which manifests very differently and would be interesting to discuss in a separate post.)

my other main thought is melissa’s ex, joe, mainly because the scene on the phone with him was the most striking instance of body language shifting. that relationship informs her beliefs about dating and marriage — it causes her to avoid dating, and particularly men in uniform (avoiding reminders of trauma, even at the cost of your own happiness or growth, is a PTSD symptom). she’s shown reacting anxiously when gary, the vending machine guy, shows interest in her and makes a minor faux pas with the dave & buster’s suggestion. she loses all confidence and literally runs from the scenario (turns out you have both fight AND flight, melissa). we see moments of her trying to predict and prepare for red flags — hypervigilance, trying to protect herself…

which suggests she feels vulnerable/scared in romantic relationships. which suggests her experience with joe was particularly influential and damaging. we know she also has wavering self-esteem and is very sensitive to hurtful words (read: any time someone calls her a bad teacher, or when barbara says “people like you”). so my personal headcanon is that joe was verbally aggressive. it’s also generally HCed in the fandom that joe cheated on her with nina, which is believable to me. i don’t know if there’s reason to think he was physically aggressive (she’s still very touchy and doesn’t seem to have a visible fear of men), so i think it was just verbal/emotional abuse/toxicity.

anyway, that’s way more than you asked for! but that’s my basic thinking on it. i’m open-minded about it this early in the show, and wanna know more about her background. especially her family, which seems complicated (yet she has a zillion photos of them around her house, so there’s love there!)

[libraryofloveletters]

buck x fem reader work together / secretly dating but they act like they hate each other and the team doesn’t know. reader is also bobby’s daughter (or niece up to you) and scared of his reaction (prompts 17, 37, 42, 81)

Unconventional

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Prompts: #17: “We shouldn’t be doing this”, #37: “Uh why is your shirt inside out?”, #42: “I love you”, #81: “I can explain” 

Warnings: fem!reader, worrying, vulgar/suggestive comments (kinda but not really ?), suggested sexual content, a few swear words, kissing, mentions of hospitals, surgery and injuries. 

Category: fluff with a lil angst 

Word Count: 4.4k

Author's Note: I wrote it as bobby’s niece, it just made more sense :) hope you liked it!! 

---- 

Evan Buckley was a pain in your ass. 

He had been since the day you met him. His annoyingly attractive face, his stupid pretty blue eyes and his smile, not to mention how sweet he was. You couldn't help but hate him. Not in the typical “I hate your guts and hope you fall down a flight of stairs” way but in the “god you’re gorgeous and I want to marry you” way. 

Did you plan on liking the ridiculously attractive firefighter ? Most definitely not. 

Were you also planning on dating him in secret ? Also a no. 

Hence why you were sitting in his jeep on a Saturday at 3 in the morning. The two of you had gone on a date to this little restaurant outside of the city but everything that could go wrong kind of did go wrong.

Buck’s shift was supposed to end at 6 but they got a call last minute so he didn’t get home until 7:30. You called to push the reservation back and when he did pick you up, you got stuck in traffic. By the time the two of you got to the restaurant, it was 8:30 and the woman said she called to see if the two of you still needed the reservation but there was no answer (she didn’t call but neither of you were in the mood to argue) - Now it's 9 pm and the two of you still haven't had dinner. Venturing down the block, there was nowhere that seemed appealing. The night really began at some random mom and pop dinner you spotted by the beach. Deciding to have your own little dinner date on the beach, it was now 9:30. Buck had a blanket in the trunk (you didn’t ask why nor did you really wanna know) and you sat on the beach and had dinner. Time flew by, it was around 1 when the two of you began wondering what time it was. 

The date was now prolonged by Buck’s craving for something sweet so once again, the two of you were on a hunt but for somewhere to go. He googled the closest ice cream parlour but most places were closed, he searched until he finally found a place that was 20 minutes away. It was totally worth the drive considering it was some of the best ice cream you've had in your life. Which now brought you to 2:20 in the morning, the two of you were still sitting on the hood on his jeep, a container of half eaten ice cream between you. 

Buck looked over at you, a smile on his face. “Did you have fun ? despite, you know, all the shit that went wrong ?” you chuckled, “I did.” Buck had a shift at 11 so it was time for the night to come to an end. One of his hands held yours and the other on the wheel, you were staring out the window as the breeze blew by. 

“Something on your mind babe?” Buck asked you, glancing over at you as you turned towards him. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this” you mumbled, you didn’t want to end things with him but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have doubts about where this relationship was going. “What do you mean ?” he asks, his eyes on the road. “I mean how long are we going to hide this from everyone ?” your eyes back out the window, Buck sighed and the conversation dropped. There were a few minutes of silence and the tension filled the car, Buck finally spoke up “you were the one that didn’t want to say anything.” his voice came off a bit harsher than you expected, letting go of his hand, your body shifted towards the door and way from him. He noticed your change in emotion and seating. 

“Babe, I'm sorry. It's just that you didn’t want to say anything and it’s entirely your choice. I get it but we can figure it out. One step at a time, okay ?” Buck looks over at you when he pulls into the parking lot. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” leaning over the console to press a kiss to his cheek.  “Good night Buck, thank you for tonight” you give him a smile and get out of the jeep. Buck follows you, “let me walk you up,” he grabs your wrist, the two of you stopped in the middle of the parking lot. “That’s fine, I'll text you so you know I’m okay. You need to get home anyways, you have a shift and you need your sleep” shaking your head, you pull your hand away from him and head inside before he can ask again. 

He was right, it was your choice not to say anything but you weren't sure how your uncle would react. This relationship wouldn't just affect your relationship with him but also his relationship with Buck. You didn’t- couldn't let Buck jeopardize his work life for his love life. 

Shutting the door once you get into your apartment, you send a text to your boyfriend. 

To Lover Boy Buck: I’m home, text me when you get home. Sleep well <3

From Lover Boy Buck: Just pulled in, goodnight babe 

----

Athena’s birthday was on Saturday and Bobby had planned a surprise party for her. With a little help from May, things were in place. 

Bobby had taken Athena out for lunch at some fancy cafe that was impossible to get into and then to see a play. While they were out, you headed over to their place to help May set up. Upon arriving, you saw that Hen was already there as was Buck. 

“Good afternoon my loves!” you shout as you walk over to the kitchen. “I come with coffee” you hand a cup to May and the other to Hen, the two are thankful for the coffee as you had a shit ton of decorating to do and only a few hours to get it done. Buck leant against the wall by the kitchen entryway, “where's mine?” he asked which made you roll your eyes. “Didn’t know that you were gonna be here, no one invited you anyways.” you reply, sorting through the packages of balloons on the table, you toss one and it hits him square in the face. 

“Ow!” he shouts, rubbing his cheek. 

“Oh did I hurt you ?” you ask, pouting at him mockingly. 

Considering the weird note that the two of you left on during your last date, plus not being able to see each other that week left things in a bit of a mess. 

May and Hen exchange glances, “Buck, how about you help put up the banner in the backyard ?” she practically dragged Buck by the arm and into the yard. May was in the kitchen icing some cupcakes that she and Harry had made the night before when she called for you. 

“Why don't you get along with Buck ? I don't know him all the well but he seems like a good guy” May pleads his case unintentionally. 

He is a good guy 

“Ever meet someone and you just don’t like them ?” you ask, she hums. “That’s me with Buck” is what came out instead. 

“I get it.” she nodded, she began telling you about a guy in her chemistry class that just got on her nerves all the time. You excused yourself when the doorbell rang. Chim and Maddie had arrived right as Karen pulled into the driveway with Denny and Nia. You let everyone in and they began helping too. About an hour later, Eddie arrives with Chris and the cake. You take the cake from him so he can help Chris with his jacket.  

“Buck!” you shout

“Yeah ba- yeah ?” he corrects himself last second. Your eyes widen at the word that almost slipped out of his mouth. No one seem to catch it except for Chim who gave you a weird look but you just brush it off. 

“Take this, I need to change.” you hand the cake off to him and head to the bathroom to change into your dress. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door and then it opened. 

“Hey! I'm chang- oh it’s just you” you mumble as he shuts the door. Buck’s back pressed up against the door. “Are you just gonna watch me or are you going to help me?” you turn, your back towards him now. Pulling your hair over your shoulder, you feel one of Buck’s hands on your waist and then the tug of the zipper.  

“Must you always fight with me, y/n ?” he presses a kiss to your shoulder, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Must you always get on my nerves, Evan ?” you were looking back at him in the mirror, he flashed you a smile and nodded, a rather amused look on his face. “Yeah, it's kind of my job to irritate you” his arms loosen as you turn around to face him now, leaning back against the counter. “Well I guess then I have to fight with you” running your hand through his hair, he leans into you, his forehead against yours. 

“You know, they say make love, not war” he whispers, his lips almost touching yours. A little chuckle slips past your lips, “is this your way of saying that we should stop fighting ?” you mumble as you press a kiss to his lips. Buck pulls you closer to him - which you didn’t even think was possible, “no, it’s my way of saying we should make love” he smiles against your lips as he lifts you up onto the counter and you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. “Oops” a hand comes up to cover your mouth. Buck can't help but smile, you were adorable and all he wanted was to go out there and tell everyone that he’s in love with you, something he hadn't even told you yet, but at last, he could not. 

“You’re cheesy, you know that right ?” looking up at him whilst you fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “If you want to fuck me, just say so” he tells you to which you reply “you're so vulgar Evan” while rolling your eyes. 

“Oh I'll show you vulgar” he chuckles and pulls off his shirt, his hand reaching behind you to unzip your dress. 

--

Buck left the bathroom first, the house had filled up within the 20 minutes the two of you were in the bathroom. He ran his hand through his hair in hopes to fix it from the tugging that just happened. As he stepped out into the backyard, his sister’s voice called out to him.

“Buck!” she walked over, “you’ve been so busy I haven't gotten a chance to say hi yet” she pulls her brother into a hug. Maddie’s face screws into a confused look. “Did you try a new body wash or something ?” she looks up at Buck, his brows furrow but he shakes his head. “Why?” he asks, “you smell like mint” she informs him. 

You step out into the backyard, a tube of mint chapstick between your fingers,  being applied to your lips. Buck’s eyes were on you, watching as the tube rubbed across your lips, his mind back to those lips were moments ago. Chimney’s voice caused him to pull his eyes away from you and onto him. 

“Uh why is your shirt inside out?” Chim asks him, brows raised. Buck looks down and his shirt is on inside out, “uh, I- uh I had to change.” he says, hoping they’d believe him. 

“You had that shirt on when we got here.” Chim had a puzzled look on his face. 

“Oh Christopher is calling for me, excuse me” Buck walks off before they could say anything. He did indeed make his way over to Eddie and Chris, you were on the other side of the backyard when your phone chimed. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Couldn't you have told me my shirt was on inside out?

To Lover Boy Buck: And how was I supposed to know that ? I didn’t have time to look at you

From Lover Boy Buck: Oh really ? You had plenty of time a few minutes ago 

To Lover Boy Buck: Behave. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Make me. 

You roll your eyes at his comment, May coming out and shouting that they just pulled in. Everyone stood by the backdoors, waiting for Athena and Bobby to come in. 

Athena had a blindfold on as Bobby led her down the stairs to the backyard. “I swear if you did somethin-” he undoes the blindfold mid sentence. 

“Surprise!!” everyone shouts, Athena had a huge smile on her face. She turns to Bobby, “you did all this ?” he smiles but shakes his head, “I had some help” nodding towards May, Athena walked over to her daughter to give her a hug. Bobby and Athena went around to say hello to everyone, Bobby coming over to you and Eddie, Buck and Chris were sitting beside each other. “Hey” Bobby smiled at the two of you, “hey” you smiled back before you gave him a hug. 

“What do I own you for today ?” he asks you

“Nothing at all, I'm glad I could help.” 

“Are you sure kid ?” 

“Yeah, I'm good. I’ll let you know if I need something uncle Bobby” 

He smiles and goes off to talk to Chim and Maddie. Eddie switches places with Buck, Christopher showing his father the trick that Buck just showed him. “You’re good with kids” you tell him, “yeah, I know” he replies. “You're also an arrogant asshole but perspective I suppose.” Buck chuckled at your comment, watching as you walked away. 

It was a while before you sat down for dinner, you were in the house with Bobby, helping him bring stuff out while everyone got seated. When you returned, there were two seats left. One at the head of the table, which was where your uncle was currently headed, leaving you no choice but to sit beside Buck. “Pass me the green bowl ?” he asks you, “no thanks” you reply nonchalantly. Bobby gives you a look, “y/n, pass him the bowl” you sighed and handed the bowl to Buck who was snickering. It took all of you not to smack this man in front of everyone. 

A hand on your upper thigh startled you, you coughed and Eddie looked at you from across the table, his brows furrowed. Your hand comes down to rest on top of Buck’s. Chris followed his father’s look over to you, “are you okay y/n?” he asked you sweetly, you smiled at him. “I’m okay buddy, thank you for asking” Buck bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a smile. Oh how he wanted to kiss you right now, but again, he couldn't really do that, could he? He settled for holding your hand under the table like teenagers for now. 

----

8 o'clock and you were supposed to be there 20 minutes ago. Bobby was probably there wondering where you were. You were supposed to be having dinner with your uncle tonight to tell him about you and Buck. Buck offered to tell him but you felt like it was only right for you to tell him. 

You dialled the number but it rang out. You assumed he was still driving or maybe he was ruining late too. The phone rang while you searched for something to wear. It was Bobby. 

“Hey!” you answer, “I'm gonna be a little late” 

“Y/n, we’re gonna have to take a rain check on dinner.” Something was wrong, you could tell from the way he answered. 

“Everything okay ? Are you still at work ?” 

“I’m at the hospital.” 

“What? Why? Are you okay ? Is it Athena ?” 

“Athena and I are fine. It’s Buck, he’s in surgery right now. I don't think I'll be leaving anything soon. I’m sorry about dinner.” 

Your heart dropped when he said it was Buck. 

“Did anyone tell Maddie ? Do you want me to pick her up ?” 

“It's alright, Chim went and got her. You don't have to come, we’re ok-” 

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes” 

Grabbing the keys, you’ve never run down the stairs so fast in your life. The whole drive over, it felt like the world was moving in slow motion. He’d still be in surgery when you arrived but you needed to know what happened. 

I love you Evan Buckley. 

The 5 words replaying in your head over and over again. The 5 words you hadn’t gotten the chance to say to him. The team plus Maddie and Athena were in the waiting room. Bobby came over and gave you a hug, “is he okay ? Did you guys hear anything ?” you ask as you sit beside Maddie. “Not yet” Bobby returns to his seat. 

“Mads, I'm sorry” you gave her a hug, she gave you a small smile. “It’s okay. Buck’ll pull through. He always does.” 

-- 

3 hours later and still nothing, he had been in surgery 2 hours prior to you arriving, bringing it to a total of 5 hours. Athena and Bobby left for a few minutes to see if they could get an update on him. You looked around the room, Eddie was leant against the wall, his legs on the chairs in front of him, Hen stood by the window on the phone with who you assumed was Karen. Chim’s arm was wrapped around Maddie, her head resting on his shoulder. 

Bobby and Athena returned telling everyone that there was no update other than he was still in surgery. Your leg bounced as you waited, Bobby rested a hand on your knee when he sat back down. 

“You okay kid ?” 

“Mhm hm why ?”

“You only bounce your leg when you’re nervous. You’re sure you’re okay ?” 

“Yeah, I'm gonna go get some coffee” you announce as you get up. If you spent another minute in that room, you were going to combust, you couldn't take it. “Does anyone want anything ?” there were a few mumbles of no but Eddie gets up and says he’ll come with you. The two of you walk down the hallway to the other end. Slipping a bill into the machine, it buzzes and then nothing. Eddie watches as you push the button a few times. Frustrated and tired, your hand smacks against the machine. A few nurses glare in your direction. 

“Hey, go get some air okay ? I’ll get the coffee and meet you outside” Eddie’s hand on your back, leading you to the doors.

“Eddie, I'm fine” 

“Y/n, go. You’ve been in here for a while and honestly, I could use the air too.” 

Not in the mood to protest, you step outside. It was a little past 11 now, it was dark and cold out. Your back pressed up against the brick wall, the coldness seeping through your shirt. A hand running over your face in an attempt to wake you up, you sigh as the door opens. 

“Here” Eddie handed you a mug that didn’t look like it came from a machine. The mug read “#1 nurse” on it and his says “world’s best mom” your brows furrow, looking at the man standing beside you. “I sweet talked one of the nurses, it's fine. I promised to return the mugs when we're done.” he says casually, making you smile. You had always enjoyed Eddie’s company, he didn’t ask questions or poke around in your life, he just lived in the moment. 

“Cute shirt” he chuckles, looking down at the blue t-shirt you had on. You hadn't realized that you left wearing it. “Oh thanks” you mumble, taking a sip of coffee. “It’s Buck’s, isn't it?” he asks, you almost choked on the coffee. 

“Wha- why would you ask me that ?” 

“It reeks of his cologne,” Eddie chucked. “I’ve known for months, y/n. The two of you aren't as slick as you think.” 

“Who else knows ?” 

“No one that I know of, Chim has an idea but he hasn't said anything” 

You hummed, looking out at the parking lot in front of you. “Does Bobby know ?” Eddie’s eyes practically burn into your side.

“I was going to tell him tonight.” 

Eddie’s phone buzzed before he could say anything else. “Let’s go in, the doctors are out.” Eddie followed you into the building and back into the waiting room. The doctor has just stepped in, she glanced back at you and Eddie, “Are you here for Buckley as well ?” 

“Yeah, how is he?” Eddie asks, the two of you step further into the room. “He’s stable as of now, we managed to stop the bleeding. He’s asleep but he’s got a long road ahead of him.” the doctor inform everyone, you watch as Maddie lets out a sigh, her hand squeezing Chim’s. “I can take someone in, if they’d like to go in” Chim let go of Maddie’s hand as she went to follow the doctor down the hall. Eddie could sense the change in body language, you were relaxed until Maddie stepped out with the doctor. His hand rests on your back again, “let’s sit down. You can go in after” he whispered to you. To anyone else in the room, it would look like something was happening between you and Eddie but he was just comforting you. There was nothing happening. 

The person you were in love with was laying in a hospital bed at the other end of the hallway. 

One by one, everyone went in to see him. Chim went in first, meeting Maddie in his room. When they return, they let everyone know he’s awake. Bobby and Athena are next, they go in for a few minutes. Hen was after them, you could hear them laughing from the other end of the hallway. 

It was so good to hear him laugh. 

You and Eddie went in last. Eddie sat beside his bed on the chair, he and Buck having a conversation. Eddie looked over at you, you were standing by the door. “I think I'll go call Chris and let him know you’re alright” Eddie pats Buck’s shoulder before stepping out the room. 

Buck’s attention was now on you. “hey you” he mumbles, trying to shift into a sitting position. “Don’t move, you’ll rip your stitches.” you take a seat where Eddie was a few moments ago. Buck’s hand reaches for yours, although he was awake, his hand felt cold. Your hand rubbed against his, his eyes on you. Neither of you say anything to the other. 

“I thought I lost you for a minute there.” 

“You’ll never lose me, y/n” Buck’s hand squeezes yours. 

“But I almost did and I hated every minute of it.” the tears welling up by your eyes, you blink a few times to get rid of them but instead a few slip down. Buck reaches up to wipe your tears, his hand cupping your cheek. 

“All of this for me ?” he teases, “there was no need to worry, you know that, right?” 

“You scared me you ass, don't do that” you sniffle, your hand wrapping around his wrist. 

“Y/n, I need to tell you something” his eyes were on yours, now you were worried again. “Okay, what is-” 

“I love you” he blurts out. 

“Oh Buck” you breathe, the soft expression on his face changes to a worried one. “Oh god, I'm sor-” your hand comes up and covers his mouth. 

“I love you too” you smile at him, you can feel him smile against your hand. Moving your hand to his cheek, “you do ?” he asks, you nod. “How can I not ?” Leaning out of the chair, your lips meet his. Your hand is still cupping his face and his hand lifting off the bed to meet your waist. Shifting from the chair to the bed, you sat beside Buck, your lips still on his. 

“Excuse me?” someone clears their throat, Buck pulls away to look at who's by the door. Bobby stood in the doorway, his arms folded in front of him and a rather amused Athena beside him. Buck’s eyes widen, you look over your shoulder to see your uncle standing there. 

“I can explain. Bobby I-” Buck starts, but Bobby cuts him off. “It’s okay Buck, I know.” he steps into the room. 

“You do?” the two of you say at the same time, both of you looking at him. Bobby nods, “I might be old - well older than you two but I’m not dumb” he chuckles, “if anything, you two are the dumb ones for thinking I wouldn't know.” he says 

“I was going to tell you at dinner” 

“I figured as much, I also figured you’d want to be here when Buck woke up” 

“Thank you for calling” you smile at him, he gives you a nod. “Everyone is heading home, are you going to stay with him ?” 

You hum, your attention back on Buck. You could hear Athena and Bobby whispering in the back and then the door shuts. Buck shifts slightly on the bed, making space for you. Laying on your side, beside him, your finger traces over the words tattooed on his forearm. The world had come to a pause finally, the things around you didn’t matter right now. Everything you cared about was beside you, the hospital wasn't the ideal place but all you cared about that he was okay. 

“Tell me again” you whisper, your head on his shoulder. Buck turns his head to look at you. 

“I love you y/n l/n” 

“I love you Evan Buckley” 

Turns out you did get to say those 5 words after all. 

--- 

Taglist: @reiidsbby @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21 @averyhotchner

[absolutelyfizzing]

he promised

poe dameron x reader

description - Poe always promised he would come back from missions. One time he doesn't. (Ends in fluff i promise i promise)

warnings - depression?, anxiety?, fem pronouns, talk of injury and death, grief, fluff at the end, use of petnames, reader gets carried for a while and sits on a lap, mentions of eating and eating avoidance (not ed)

word count - 3800

A/N - so this was an oops. I wrote this hella fast but i was in the zone and i am pretty happy with the emotionally devastating product. I promise it has a happy ending i just dont want to give too much away. I feel like for maximum emotional damage you need to be a little in the dark. anyway, forgive me

MASTERLIST

You were stood in the command center with your hands wringing together. No matter how many missions Poe went on, the waiting was always hell. How were you supposed to remain sane when the love of your life was out fighting a battle that he might not come back from. That you might never see him again. He always reassured you that he would always come back to you. That you never had anything to worry about. You tried to believe him, and for the most part you did, but that didn't prevent you from being worried when he was gone.

You listened through the coms, trying to keep track of what was happening during the battle. Leia let you stay in there because she had a soft spot for you, as well as the pilot you were worried about. You were thankful she let you listen in on every mission, it meant that you weren't alone worrying in the room you shared with Poe. The conversation over coms was rushed and loud, they were scared and that made your heart beat faster.

'I have to go through, they're gonna come after us if I don't.' You heard your fiance yell. Worry stuck in the pit of your stomach, he was going to take a risk, you could feel it.

'Poe, it's not worth it. We should get out of here while we still can'. You agreed, wanting him to get out of there as soon as possible. You prayed he would listen and just get out.

'I have to try, I can't go back knowing that they could be following us to base.'

'Poe wait-' You heard someone rush out before comotion ensued again. You could feel your heart in your throat. You could have cried. After a minute of listening to pure chaos, nobody in the control room dared to speak a word. Everyone was waiting for an indication of what to do from the squadron. You found yourself zoning out in your worry. You were only broken out of your trance when you heard your fiance's name.

'Poe is down.' You stopped breathing.

"Down? What do you mean down?" You heard Leia call over comms.

'I'm sorry commander, he got hit. His X-Wing engine got shot and he was heading to crash on the planet right below us, his coms died. There's no way to know if he made it through but I don't know many who could take that crash and live. We have to head out and hope he comes back to base but I wouldn't get my hopes up.'

"Get out of there while you still can. We will have to worry about Poe when we gather our strength." Leia responded and the squadron called their understanding before the process of bringing them home began. You hadn't moved. You weren't sure if you had breathed. Your body was fully numb. You could feel eyes on you as everyone waited for you to respond. To show some emotion of your boyfriend having just gone MIA. You couldn't feel yourself though, your fingertips were numb, and you refused to believe he was dead. He promised. He told you he would come home.

Your brain was split between trying to grieve for the loss of the love of your life and trusting that he would be back. That he had to come back because he promised he would and he never breaks a promise. You felt hands on you and you realized you had fallen to sit in your spot. Leia was above you and was ushering you to your feet. You mindlessly let her push you somewhere and you barely even looked to see where you were going.

Eventually you showed up at your apartment door. You couldn't tell whether it felt like it had been instantaneous or an eternity to get there. Leia unlocked your door and pushed you inside and to the small couch that was stood in the living room-like space. The apartments were all very small, Poe had one a little bigger because he was housing with another person and because of his rank. Still, the extra amenities included a small couch, a smaller kitchen, and a window along the bedroom wall. When Leia sat you on the couch she kneeled in front of you. Her hand went to your cheek and you looked at her for the first time since you'd heard Poe go down. She seemed to almost be in tears but your eyes were dry. You didn't feel anything.

"Y/N, what can I do?" She asked gently. "Do you need anything?" You felt yourself shake your head and open your mouth like you were going to talk but closed it again as you thought.

"He said... He said he was coming back." You stated as if it changed the situation. "He promised." You mumbled.

"I know, Y/N. I am so sorry." She tried to console and your head shook. "We don't know what happened after he went down. You heard the team. He might contact us in the next few days, he is a smart man and he knows how to get a message out. But I don't want it to hurt you more if he never does." She tries to reason and you shook your head.

"No, you don't understand. He promised, " your head was spinning, "he's coming back." You felt tears fall down your face. When had you started crying? "He promised me that he was coming back home." Your voice broke which surprised you. Before you knew it you were crying into Leia's arms and you couldn't stop yourself. That was how you stayed with her for a while after, you weren't sure how long. She shed some tears of her own but eventually you both ran dry. You lost feeling again and you couldn't tell if it was better or worse. You made a decision. You wouldn't grieve over him until you were sure he was not coming back. You wouldn't mourn until you were sure.

The alternative was not, however, to recover. Instead you just stopped doing anything at all. You stopped eating, taking care of yourself, caring. Soon, your friends came in to talk to you. Instead of it being conversation though, they just talked at you. You couldn't bring yourself to respond or really even listen. Or maybe you did but you just couldn't remember. They would periodically come through to help you into a shower in which you just let the water run over you while someone else, you thought maybe Rey but you couldn't even recall, washed your hair. You drank water when they asked and would take a bite of food if they begged but other than that you might as well have been dead to the world. You almost hadn't realized how much of a vital part to your existence Poe was. How little you could bring yourself to do without him. You had thought you were prepared to be separated, you were in the middle of a war after all. Instead it was impossible to do anything without him and you wondered how long you could keep doing it.

This went on for a week. That was how long it took for them to declare him 'killed in action'. They felt that, if he was alive, he would have found a way to contact the base with the help of BB8 and local lifeforms. That was when you allowed yourself to grieve. The numbness turned into pain and it was a million times worse. You would have given anything to go back to numb.

You finally listened to your friends when they talked to you but their consolations did nothing to put you at ease. You still struggled to do anything but you complied with their pleads. You had been convinced, 2 weeks after the KIA announcement, to go to the canteen. To see people and interact. Finn pulled you along with an attempt at a smile on his face. Your face was blank but you tried to soften your eyes. You knew he was trying to help and he was grieving the loss of his best friend as well. When you were pulled into the large cafeteria, all noise ceased. You knew that they were looking at you and you guessed that they pitied you. You had seen yourself in the mirror that morning and you would have pitied you too. You got pulled to a table and Finn went to go get you and himself food.

People periodically came by and said hello or asked how you were as you tried to eat something. You responded with one word answers usually and you hadn't met anyone's eyes. You could feel yourself getting overwhelmed and decided you would head back to your room. You quietly thanked Finn for trying and left to the hallway.

Suddenly, alarms sounded. You were startled into awareness and people began running past you.

'ALL EMERGENCY CREW TO FLIGHT DECK'

You were curious about the alarm but you weren't emergency crew and you knew they didn't need any more bodies there than would already be there. That was until you heard someone as they rushed by as they talked to the medic next to them.

"Yeah I heard it was him but he went missing weeks ago." They sounded confused and continued jogging toward the flight deck. You feet started moving before you could even process it and it was the fastest you'd moved since he had gone missing. Since he had died.

When you got to the flight deck there was already a crowd. You could see over the see a people a beat up X-Wing. You thought you might have heard a droid. You elbowed your way to the front of the crowd, not apologizing when people grumbled their frustrations at you. When you made it to the front you were stood no more than 50 feet from him. He was soot covered and beat up but he was standing as he tried to wiggle out of the grasp of the medics. BB8 beeped and turned, spotting you. He made a loud excited noise and rushed to roll over to you and Poe turned at the sound. When he met your gaze he smiled.

You felt your knees give out and tears start to fall from your eyes. Your arms crossed over your stomach and you started to curl into a ball over your knees. A sob left you and suddenly large warm hands were on your shoulders.

"Y/N? My love, are you okay?" He rushed out, checking over you for injury as the medics still grumbled about needing to see him. His hand came under your chin to move your face so he was making eye contact with you. You let out another sob before grabbing his vest and pulling him into you, he kneeled to the ground as you clung to him and cried into his chest. He moved himself so he was sitting on the ground and he pulled you into his lap. You felt his hands on your back trying to soothe you but you couldn't stop crying. "I'm back. I'm so sorry I was gone but I'm back." He mumbled out as he kissed your head a few times.

"I'm so angry at you." You whispered and he almost laughed, just happy to hear your voice. You finally pulled your head out of his chest and kissed him like your life depended on it, like it was the last time you would ever see him. You pulled away so you were looking into his eyes. "Please don't leave me," you begged almost silently. You weren't even sure if he could hear you. "Please don't leave again."

"I'm not leaving, baby, I promise." He tried to calm you. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

You nodded, trying to convince yourself that he was real and he was here. You kissed him again just to check. You pulled away again, still trying to convince yourself.

"You died." You struggled out and Poe felt tears in his eyes as well. "You were dead, you crashed and you didn't make it and then they said you were gone." You said like that was what happened.

"I didn't die, my love. I'm right here. I'm alive, I'm okay." Poe pleaded and he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his face so you could feel him. Your hand moved along is jaw which was now covered in stubble and grime. Your head shook like you were disagreeing with him but you were simply in disbelief.

"I love you" You mumbled as your eyes traced the lines of his face and tears fell from your eyes. He let a few tears fall as well before pressing meaningful kisses to every part of your face that he could reach.

You spent the next 2 hours like that. You wouldn't leave his hold and he didn't try to move you. The medics worked around you and everyone greeted him without disturbing you. You stayed, on his lap, curled into his chest. Your breathing had slowed to a normal pace and you were holding onto his vest tightly. Eventually, he had to be debriefed. He petted your hair and cooed at you to catch your attention.

"Y/N, my love," he whispered, "we have to get up now." He felt you nod but you made no move to get up from him. He took a breath before moving you off of his lap as you whined, standing up, and then picking you up so you could wrap yourself around him. You hummed contentedly into his chest and he had a smile on his face as he walked through the base.

"I love you." You whispered again into his chest. You had been doing it periodically every so often in the last 2 hours and every time Poe would repeat it back to you, kiss your head, or say something else. This time he chose to kiss your head.

"Baby, I have to go to the debriefing now and you know you can't come with me." He tried to say gently but he knew this separation might be hard for both of you. "I'm gonna put you down." He warned before encouraging your legs to go to the floor. You listened but didn't release his neck which you were also clung to. His hands fell to your waist and you both stood for a moment with your heads in each others necks and breathing deeply. "I'm gonna hand you off to Rey, okay?" He asked as he flagged down Rey from the hallway.

"Okay." You whispered, still not releasing him.

"Hey, Rey, sorry to bother you but could you keep Y/N company for a few minutes while I talk to Leia and the squadron?"

"Oh of course!" Rey chirped and you took a deep breath before releasing Poe. You let him kiss your cheeks and your nose before he walked the other direction toward the command center. You stared at him until Rey put her hand in yours and clasped it. You turned to look at her and for the first time in weeks, she saw you smile. "I'm so happy for you, Y/N." She assured and you believed her.

"Thank you." You whispered and another tear fell from you, this time of joy and happiness. Not grief.

"What do you say to heading to your room and get cleaned up a bit, yeah?" She tried and you nodded, following where her hand lead with one last glance toward the direction that Poe went.

"-the converter didnt even work until a day ago because the main power source broke down." Poe finished explaining his time on the planet he had crashed on and the rest of the squadron nodded and asked a few more questions. Once he was done, Finn met him outside the command center.

"So-" he paused, "I'm not sure how to say this nicely but most of your stuff went into the redistribution center because you were presumed dead." He rushed out. Poe took a moment to process and nodded.

"Well that's sort of a bummer. Could I borrow some of your stuff?" Poe asked, knowing it would take at least a day for him to get reassigned sets of uniforms.

"Yeah of course, that's why I'm standing here waiting for you. You could get cleaned up in my room too if you want. I know Y/N kept a few of your jackets and shirts but most of it got taken." The boys began to walk toward Finn's living quarters and there was a moment of silence before Poe asked something he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to.

"What happened when I was gone?" His throat felt dry suddenly and his words came out hoarse. "To Y/N I mean. Was she okay?" Poe wasn't sure what answer he wanted. He knew from your recent reaction that you were devastated, as he would have been, but he also knew he had a dangerous job. He might not come back from some other mission in the future and he hoped you would survive without him.

"Do you really want to know?" Finn questioned.

Poe nodded.

"I mean, she was broken." He paused to think. "She didn't talk to anyone for a week. Wouldn't move. Wouldn't cry. Rey had to help her shower and we had to beg her to eat. We almost sent her to the med wing because we thought she was gonna pass out from dehydration, she would barely take a sip of water." Poe's heart was in his throat but he was sure there was more. "Then you were pronounced KIA."

"Oh god."

"Yeah it wasn't pretty. They pulled your stuff out of your guys' room, took your name off the ledger. Leia let her keep some stuff but it was hard to watch. She finally cried, she just wouldn't stop. She was more responsive but she wasn't even moving towards okay. You could tell she was only doing what we were asking because we were begging. That she was doing it out of guilt. Today was actually the first day that I talked her into coming out of her room. She had been to the canteen for about an hour when she felt she needed to leave and then alarms sounded that you were back." Finn finished with a glance to his friend and Poe looked like he might throw up.

"I want her to be okay if I don't make it back one day." Poe tried to explain to his friend.

"She probably would have been functioning in a few months. She wouldn't have recovered but she would function. She's a strong woman, but she also loves you a lot. I mean, how would you react if she was killed on mission?" Poe could tell it was a rhetorical question but he thought about it very carefully. You were an engineer so you weren't called out on mission often, not nearly as often as him. When you were, he was worried sick the whole time. He hadn't really thought about how him being gone affected you before. Now looking back on it he kicked himself for it.

Poe thought about what he would have done if you had died and he thought that your reaction was probably mild. That he would have been unresponsive for weeks or even become violent with anger and grief. He knew that you were the one for him, the most important thing in his life, and without you he didn't know if he would find purpose in his life anymore. He fought in the war as hard as he did for you. To make the galaxy safer for you.

When he went MIA it was because he tried to take out a couple more imperial ships than he could handle. He only did it because he knew they would have followed them back to base if they left. Back to you. So he took the risk and it backfired but he knew he would do it again to try and keep the First Order away from you.

He was knocked out of his train of thought by the arrival at Finn's quarters. Poe tried to get cleaned up and dressed quickly, getting the grime off of himself and shaving his face. He hurried back to your shared quarters and when he entered his room he was greeted with your smiling face as you laughed.

You were sat on the bed, Rey on the other end, as you were talking about something which caught you in a fit of giggles. At the sound of him stepping into the room you looked at him and got up quickly to rush up and hug him tightly.

"Missed you." You mumbled into his chest. As he held you Rey silently nodded at Poe and left the room.

"Was only gone for a minute, honey bun." He reassured and you pulled your face back.

"You know I hate that one."

"Boo bear?" he teased and you shook your head no. "Munchkin?" nope. "honey bear?" no thank you. "Baby love?" You tilted your head a bit.

"I don't loathe that one."

"Sweetheart?"

"I like that one."

"Princess?"

"That's my favorite" You giggled and kissed him quickly for a moment. He could have cried at the sight of you giggling. He had missed that, you, the sounds you made, so goddamn much. More than he would ever put into words.

"I know it is, pretty girl." He smiled before picking you up and you squealed. He walked you over to the bed before dropping you on it and laying next to you. You climbed close to him, practically laying on his chest. His arm was snug around your waist and he left no room for you to move, not that you would have anyway. "How would you feel about going to bed, princess?" He almost whispered, not wanting to disrupt the fragile quiet in the room.

"Yes please. I love you Poe." You whispered back and closed your eyes a bit, focussing on his breathing.

"I love you, Y/N" he responded.

You both got the first decent sleep you'd had in weeks that night.

[helliontherapscallion]

Sweet and Sour (Adrenaline Junkie Part 14)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing, descriptions of blood, talks of hypothetically dying, bones/teeth 

Word Count: 2,392

(A/N): the next part is currently in the works and probably will be out by tomorrow/late at night tonight 

The days ticked closer and closer until you had only mere hours left until your scheduled departure for the cave. With each passing day, you became more anxious and paranoid, your prosthetic wing constantly malfunctioning until you programmed it to respond solely to your conscious movement and not the random twitching of your muscles. It took you a bit to get used to, but you quickly got the hang of it. It felt closer to having an actual wing on your back again, but not exactly. Nothing beat the feeling of the wind resisting against both wings at the same time. 

You doubted if Philza knew anything, but you did know that he suspected something. He knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. You both knew each other all too well, he raised you and you spent most of your time with him growing up after all. 

Currently, you are obsessively reading over your will and the book you wrote for Arthur full of redstoning advice and what you’ve learned over the years. After rereading your letters to your family and your will, you decided that this is exactly how you wanted everything to turn out if you ended up not surviving this. Which, the chances of you actually surviving this was slim to none. 

However, you remained hopeful as there were several unknown variables in the equation. How big this thing was, its age, and most importantly what the cave currently looked like. It’s been multiple years and there might’ve been more erosion over the years altering the surface of the stone. From what you remembered, the ceilings were at least a hundred feet tall, so you had plenty of room to hover above it when needed. You had no clue if the ledge was still there, but if it was the being most definitely could snatch you up. You were going to have to be careful. Besides, you had a son you had to live for. You were going to get out of there alive. For Arthur. For Philza. For Wilbur. For Tommy. For Technoblade.

You reread your plans. Plan A consisted of you sneaking in (making sure this time to keep your wings close to your body), planting TNT, and setting it off with a lever as far away from the deepest part of the cave as you could. Plan B, if Plan A failed and the Warden noticed your presence, was to use the portable TNT launcher while flying as high as you could. If that failed, then you were kind of screwed. Plan C consisted of dropping everything and running for your life. You’d admit, they weren’t the most well thought out plans, but it was all you could think of.

You made sure your wing was secured on your back correctly with a full movement test before you slung your bag onto your back stocked full of redstone and TNT and put your portable TNT launcher into the holster on your hip. 

You took a deep breath and gathered your papers before you took one last look at your old workshop. You made sure to scrub it clean of redstone residue and re-sorted the blueprints so that everything was easier to find in the filing cabinets. You were sure that your… unique method of not sorting anything and just knowing where everything was would be very annoying to attempt to sort through. Even Arthur couldn’t figure out your sorting system and he was the smartest kid you knew. 

Oh Arthur… He was probably sleeping right now. Or at least you hoped he would be; it was midnight. With light footing, you walked up the stairs to the second floor and straight to Wilbur’s old room. Your little boy was sleeping peacefully burrowed underneath the covers. You could hear his soft snores exiting his mouth. 

You smiled lightly and walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling back the covers to see his face. His mouth was parted slightly with a small amount of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. You reached out to stroke his curly copper hair and smiled wider at the sight of his nose scrunching slightly before he relaxed with a small smile on his face. You leaned down to place a lingering kiss on his forehead before you covered him back up again and started to quietly walk out of the room. 

“Ren?” That was what he started calling you after he gave you the magnets. It was short for ‘parent’. You froze and felt your body warm up at his sleepy tone. You turned around and watched as he rubbed at his eye with the back of his hand and yawned. “Hey Artie, go back to sleep buddy.” You walked over to him and gently pushed him back into the pillows. He nodded and grabbed your sleeve. 

“Can you get me a glass of water please?” He sounded so out of it. “Of course, buddy.” You grabbed your bag and slung it back over your shoulder. You quietly went downstairs and filled up a glass with water. You sat it on the counter and pulled out your papers and the hefty book you had written from your bag. You spread them all out on the dining room table where Philza was sure to see it in the morning. You hopefully should be back before the time he usually woke up so you could just grab them and trash them when you get back.

Before you got back to Arthur’s room, you shed your bag and TNT launcher by the front door. You didn’t know if he saw them before, but he definitely didn’t need to see them now. Inside, Arthur was propped up on his chin desperately fighting against sleep. You walked over to him and gave him his water, scolding him lightly when he didn’t fully sit up so he wouldn’t choke. When he was satisfied, he put the water on the nightstand and laid back down. He looked up at you with sleep dazed eyes, “where are you going?”

You froze and sat on his bed, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here.” He scrunched up his nose and stared at you in annoyance, “no you aren’t, you’re going somewhere.”

You stared at him before you sighed, “I’m just going… to get more redstone. I just need a bit more to finish what I’m working on. I won’t be gone for long, I promise.”

“Can- can you stay here? At least until I fall back asleep?”

“Of course, my little fledgling.”

He looked up at you timidly, “will you always be with me?”

You rubbed your hand up and down his arm soothingly, “I’ll never leave you. Even if I’m away, you’ll always have a piece of me with you,” you grabbed your feather he kept on his nightstand and handed it to him. It was one of your primary feathers you lost in one of your last molts in the house before you left for L’manberg that you found between your bed and your wall. It was an impressive size being about a foot long, but your wings have long since grown bigger alongside your body’s growth. You were about to throw it away one day after doing a deep clean of your old room, but the boy was amazed by the patterns and the size of the feather. So you, being the caring parent you were, gave it to him. Since then, you’ve found him on several instances holding the feather to his chest in his sleep. 

He took the feather and ran his fingers along the vane and stem. You could see him tearing up slightly, so you leaned down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll always be with you, my little fledgling.” You pulled back after placing a kiss on his forehead and ran your fingers through his curly mop of hair soothingly. You softly sang the song Philza would hum to you as a kid and watched as he drifted off to sleep. 

“Love you Ren,” he slurred out before he was completely out. You softly smiled at his sleeping form, “I love you too, Artie. I love you too.” You sat there for a bit absorbing his every facial feature and felt pride and warmth erupt within you. Arthur Fox was your son, your pride and joy. He certainly had a bright future ahead of him. Sighing, you remembered the task ahead of you. You needed to leave soon. 

Reluctantly, you left the room and started to make your way downstairs. “Did he have a nightmare?” A sleepy quiet voice asked from behind you. You jumped and whipped around with your hand flying to the empty holster on your hip before you relaxed seeing Philza there. He looked like he just crawled out of bed, his blond hair stuck up in multiple places and his blue eyes hazy. 

You put a hand over your heart, “Ender Dad don’t do that, you scared the shit outta me. But yeah, he had a nightmare but he’s fine now.” He tiredly hummed, walking over to you and pulling you into an unexpected hug. “You’re a good parent for him. I’m so proud of you for adapting to the responsibility that adopting a kid takes.” You hugged him back tightly and wrapped your wings around him, careful of keeping the metal one barely pressed against him. You both stood there in the middle of the hallway enjoying each other’s presence before you heard him yawn and felt him pull back. You retracted your wings and stepped back. 

“Why’re you still dressed?” 

Shit, “oh, I was just finishing up something in my workshop.”

He deadpanned at you, “you know how I feel about you staying up this late, even if you’re an adult-”

“‘Even if I’m an adult it’s not healthy to constantly stay up this late’ I know, Dad. I’m almost done, I’ll be in bed in like half an hour tops.” He stared at you for a bit before he nodded and started to walk back to his room, “alright, I trust you. I’m going back to bed and I want you to do the same in a bit. Goodnight, (y/n). Love ya.”

“Love you too, Dad.” You waited until you heard the bed creak before you went back downstairs. You grabbed your stuff before you quietly opened the door and checked to see if there were any mobs around. Luckily for you, the nearest mob was only a single 

enderman. With that, you spread your wings and took off into the clear night sky. The weather was perfect for flying. It would’ve been a pleasant night flight if it weren’t for the current circumstances gnawing and nagging at you in the forefront of your mind.

You lowered yourself to the ground upon getting closer to the cave’s entrance and glided into it landing a ways into the cave to avoid any mobs. The ores around you were plentiful, the occasional glimmering of redstone cutting through the darkness. Old burnt out torches hung from the walls was the only indicator that there were previously other people in the cave prior to now. You could only imagine how Arthur looked at the ores with amazement and curiosity. 

As you ventured deeper, you could feel anxiety gripping at your chest and remembered how innocently and naively you craved exploration two and a half years ago. You shuddered as you wondered if the beast still had your feathers and bones scattered about. The torch in your hands sent flickering light onto the dark cave walls casting all sorts of shadows. You pushed onwards through the inky depths of the cave. Deeper yet deeper you walked placing torches wherever you went. 

Eventually, you arrived at the wide opening of the cave. From where you stood, the opening of the cave was massive making you feel miniscule. Even if you were to fully expand your wings to the side, your seven and a half foot wingspan still wouldn’t come close to touching the sides of the opening. The torch in your hand hardly cut through the abyss of the cave, so you made quick work of placing them around the area so you had a clear view of your surroundings. 

The cave was as you remembered it, but if you looked close enough, there were plenty of stalactites and stalagmites that weren’t there before. You could see faint dark brown stains on the walls and floors in scattered places, the stains of the miners that did not come back. The stench of rot, mildew, and decay emanated from deep parts of the cave, becoming almost unbearable in certain points where you couldn’t find anything out of place. Occasionally, you found cracked and broken shards of bone around some of the bloodstains. You even found a tooth and clumps of auburn hair. You shuddered as you remembered how Arthur told you that Hugh had dark ginger hair.

You have only found one of your feathers so far. It was trapped between a fissure in the wall. Crusted old blood decorated and clumped together some parts of the vane. You moved on to examine different parts of the cave. Sculk blocks littered the floor randomly, the tentacles calmly moving about. Soft squelching noises sounded from them; if you held your torch close to one of them, a soft shine could be seen. It was probably slimey. 

If you stopped to listen past the crackling of the fire, you couldn’t hear anything. Besides a slight squelching noise that you suspected was from the sculk blocks and the sound of water droplets dripping, there was nothing. Good, you still could place the TNT. Plan A: commence. 

You made quick work of placing sticks of dynamite between the nooks and crannies of rocks firmly and scattered the TNT along the vast expanse of the cave. Connecting the redstone was tricky though with the amount of TNT placed, but you eventually got everything connected to one and made work of making a trail to the outside. Just as you got started on trailing the redstone towards the mouth of the cave a few hundred feet away, the torches started to flicker. 

It’s here.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam  @bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash4  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @lestrangenymph  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado  @wing-non  @lovely-echoo  @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual  @mysteryartisticwriter  @momo-has-a-gun  @misfortunatem00n  @w-0-r-n-n  @v-kouya  @kusuinko  @cheybaee  @dulcedippers  @jaciahbabes  @prlan  @hummingbird-lightningstrike  @pog-sad-muffin  @prickypearpropaganda

General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@crybabyjabby  @izzybobizzy13  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @bunnyz-pxstel  @averytiredfanfictionwriter  @dcml04  @sparkling-gayyyy  @bbigbbrainn  @thaticecreambish  @kiinokochii  @satansphatass  @bxkubitch  @bxmentchildxx  @roxy3457  @montygator17  @feverish-dove  @the-fictionwriters-hairdo  @jichuuchaeng  @404rynnotfound  @luluwinchester  @laura--444  @the-cult-classic-bitch  @youngstarfishdinosaur  @nottheotheruser  @ohworm-writes  @localwolfanon  @realitycanbeajerk  @v10dw4lk3r

[solarwonux]

6. “Feel free to admire me.”

19.  “Give me a kiss please.”

non!idol taehyung x f!reader

warnings:  angst if you squint, slight mentions of going crazy, a teeny tiny bit suggestive, minimal editing, 

note: helloooo, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this one, and if it’s bad I apologize from the bottom of my heart, it’s my first time writing anything but academic papers in like 3 months. And it’s my first time writing for bts, so i’m dusting off the cobwebs. Either way thank you for reading it means the world to me.xx

masterlist || drabble game 

You were acting strange

Taehyung noted as he watched you scramble around the apartment, running a frustrated hand through your hair, mumbling underneath your breath as you tore the apartment apart looking for your glasses.

You had been doing that a lot. Living up in the clouds, distracted. Your mind racing to the point you would forget what you were saying mid-sentence or misplacing things you had just been using in obvious places. He knew something was bothering you, keeping you from grounding yourself back down to Earth, and he so badly wanted to know. But after almost being together for almost a decade he knew that asking you what was happening would only frustrate you and keep you from coming back down to Earth. To him.

So he sat back, a small smiling forming against his face. He cradled his almost empty wine glass between his index and middle fingers, the setting sun reflecting off your glasses on the coffee table. The same place you had left them earlier before walking to the bathroom to wash your face. He could tell you, to stop your endless pacing and ease your mind a little. But he was oddly amused as you made your way around the living room, retracing your steps, endlessly.

The movie the two of you had been watching, paused. The wine bottle you had refused to share with him was reaching its wilts end as he kept refilling it every time you sat down next to him silently looking around for a few minutes and then getting up again to make your way around the living for the umpteenth time.

“I’m going crazy Tae.” You blew out a raspberry, blowing away the few strands of hair that had escaped your ponytail. “How can my glasses just disappear, I was literally just wearing them.” You threw your hands up in the air as you made your way into the kitchen. Lifting up the stacks of manila folders you had brought home from work to peacefully look over throughout the long weekend.

“Have you checked the bathroom?” He said, hiding his smirk behind his glass of wine taking the last sip. You scoffed, throwing your arms up in the air before walking down the hallway to the bathroom.

Taehyung shook his head reaching for the wine bottle on the coffee table. “Your eyesight isn’t even that bad, you don’t need your glasses to watch the movie.” He said emptying the rest of the wine into his glass and sat back on the couch, tilting his head to the side as you stomped your way back into the living room.

You gave him a pointed look before rounding the corner of the couch and sitting down next to him again. “Babe, I’m sorry.” You exclaimed dramatically, hiding your face into the side of his body, making him laugh softly. “I’m going insane and now you’re stuck with me till death do us apart.” You whined, huffing out a loud sigh. His soft boyish laugh ringing in your ears. The slight irritation you had gained during your impossible quest, bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

“Sounds like a dream.” The sarcasm burning brightly in his vocal chord and you could almost feel him rolling his eyes. “Now, give me a kiss please.” He placed his fingers underneath your chin lifting your face up gently as he puckered his lips drastically.

Annoyed you pushed his face away, crossing your arms in front of you and pouting your lips. Mock hurt evident in his features. “You don’t deserve one all you did was watch me as I slowly lost my mind.”

“I can’t admire my beautiful wife now?”

“I mean...feel free to admire me, but not when I’m one step away from being admitted into a psych ward.” You leaned over, taking his wine glass out of his hand, bringing it up to your lips. A drink is what you needed. A small sip to calm down your racing thoughts, before you got up to look for your glasses again.

You threw your head back, waiting for the red liquid to reach your lips, savoring the taste before it even reached your mouth or your taste. And when it did, when it coated your lips enough for a drop to enter your mouth, your eyes grew wide in panic, remembering why you had been refused to drink with Taehyung tonight and why you had been so up in your head lately.

Taehyung watched as the scene unfolds in front of him. Instantly he had felt your rush of panic and his worries got the best of him. Acting on his fight or flight instincts he immediately took the glass from your hand, setting it down on the coffee table next to your forgotten glasses. “What’s wrong? I didn’t want to ask, but now you’re worrying me.” He placed his hands on your shoulders shaking you slightly, bringing you back to him.

Your eyes were glossy and distant as you breathed out a sigh looking into his eyes for a slight second before planting your gaze on the beige throw pillow you had been hugging earlier. It had helped ease your nerves before and now with Taeyhyungs piercing stare, burning holes into the top of your head. It was failing to do what you had wanted it to do. Comfort you.“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell you.” You whispered, playing with the little tassel on one of the four ends. “I mean I want to tell you, but I don’t know why I am so scared.”

“Is it something bad?” He said carefully. He could feel the air getting caught in the back of his throat as he tried to keep himself from thinking of every possible scenario, good or bad, to have you acting the way you were.

You lifted your head, chewing on your bottom lip. “It depends.” You shrugged slightly avoiding his eyes and settling upon the tv screen. The paused movie nowhere to be seen as it was now asking you if you wanted to keep watching.

“Depends on what? You’re scaring me.” The softens of his voice faltering as his grip on your arms got tighter, trying to keep himself from breaking down.

“On your reaction. I thought I would have more time to come to terms with it but I don’t think I can hold it in any longer,” you said in a haste. Your words combining with one another as Taehyung tried to keep up with your fever.

“Just say it...please. I can feel my heart trying to leave my body.”

“Taehyung,” you took a deep breath, digging your nails into the pillow, and turned to face the only man you had ever loved. “I’m pregnant.” You whispered with wide eyes. Maybe you weren’t going crazy but after finding out three weeks ago that you were with child, the thought of telling your husband the news was driving you to the point of no return.

It wasn’t like you and Taehyung didn’t want kids, the two of you had been trying for more than a year with little to no success. But the second you saw the little positive symbol on the pink and white stick, you couldn’t believe it. So you took another and another and another until you had about ten positive pregnancy tests staring back at you, mocking you. All you could do was cry.

Taehyung’s eyes sparkled with tears as he threw the pillow you were holding to the side and hugged you tightly. He buried his face into the crock of your neck leaving behind a trail of loving kissing trying to comfort your shaking form.

His biggest wish had finally come true.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier you big idiot?” He raised his head. His hands trailed up your spine until they reached your head. His thumbs swiping underneath your eyes taking your falling tears with him. “Why were you scared?”

“I just...it finally happened and I couldn’t believe it. I thought that if I said it outloud I would wake up from a dream or something.” You hiccuped.

Taehyung shook his head in disbelief a slight chuckle falling out of his lips as he leaned over and kissed your cheek. “That head of yours is your biggest enemy. No wonder you were in such a dreamlike daze the last two weeks.”

“Are you happy?” You pouted slightly, holding his arms gently, scared he would let you go.

“I’m more than happy, I’m so excited. I could literally run down the street naked, waking up the whole neighborhood, risking a public offense violation, just to let the whole world know that I am finally going to be a dad”

You laughed, throwing your arms around his neck and bringing him closer to you. “I’m starting to regret ever saying anything, I should’ve just kept it a secret for the next eight months.”

“Hmm, and here I was thinking that I should probably tell you where you left your glasses. Now I think I’m going to keep it a secret for the next eight months.” Teahyung stuck out his tongue at you before settling into the couch and bringing you along with him, making you whine in annoyance.

“I knew you knew where they were.” You grumbled crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I’ll let you decide on the first letter of your childs name if you tell me.” You sang, poking his side gently, making him yelp out in pain.

He turned to you, pouting, rubbing his side in pain, “first letter and their first outfit when we leave the hospital.” He challenged, sticking his hand out for you to shake.

“Kim Taehyung, it looks like you got yourself a solid deal.” You said, encasing your hand in his, giving it a firm shake before pulling you into his side. His arm entrapping you to keep you from moving and placed a loving kiss against your forehead.

“You left them on the coffee table.” He pulled away, presenting your clear framed glasses to you. You let out a sigh of relief, quickly grabbing them, slippin them on and cuddling into his side.

“You could’ve told me earlier, I really thought I was losing my mind for a second  back there.”

“If I didn’t would I have found out about our lovely baby bean?” He grabbed the remote, pressing the ‘continue watching’ button on the t.v. and unpaused the movie.

“I see your point.” You settled further into the side, finally letting yourself enjoy the movie. Earlier you had been ansty, pushing his hands away as they kept  traveling to your lower belly. Though, his intentions were far naughtier then what was playing in your mind. But you were afraid he would finally figure it out.

Five minutes

Five minutes was all it took before Tayhung paused the movie again and sat up in panic. “Oh my god,” He mumbled before turning to face you, eyes wide in horror and shook. “Babe I’m going to be a dad.”

You laughed, squishing his cheeks in between the palm of your hands. “Yeah I know, I thought I made that pretty clear a few minutes ago.” You teased as his eyes raced from your face and down to your midsection.

“I know but I was thinking about how we had sex last night and now I’m scared. Like what if we hurt the baby, what if I hurt the baby.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. You’re fine Tae, just play the movie.” You patted his cheeks lightly before getting up and walking into the kitchen, “do you want popcorn?”

He stood up and quickly made his way to the kitchen, leaning his forearms against the counter, watching as you placed the bag of popcorn into the microwave. “How can you be so calm about this, how do we know the babies okay? We need to call the doctor now and book an appointment.”

“Stop worrying, I’m sure baby is fine, but you can ask the doctor in a week during my first ultrasound.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, now do you want popcorn or not?”

“That’s a stupid question, I always want popcorn.”

[yandere-sins]

Routine

I had the absolute pleasure to write for @bellanovas who wished for a continuation for the events after Different ♥ Thank you so much for your support over Ko-fi and then continously as a commission, you’re awesome!

Characters: Yandere!Atsumu Miya x Fem!Reader x Yandere!Osamu Miya (For clarification: While they reader in the previous one-shots used they/them pronouns, we used she/her here) Warnings: Yandere, Kidnapping, Emotional Meltdown, Forced Affection, Attempted Feeding

Even you knew the charm of routine. 

Even though you were kidnapped and held in this apartment against your will by not one but two crazy men, you understood how a routine helped you to look forward to certain things and not so much to others. Still, it was nice knowing Osamu woke up first, letting you and his brother pull the blanket over your heads a few minutes more until Atsumu had to get up for his morning run and you for your breakfast. You always looked forward to them leaving for the day, despite it meaning they were going to lock you in your room, but at least you had some alone time to either keep napping, read a book, or play a game. It was also the only time you were able to shower or bath without always having the nagging feeling of someone waiting at the door for you, trying to get in even though they knew you locked it. 

Routine meant knowing that your peace would be disturbed with either of the two coming home. There wasn’t a pattern to who returned first and when, the two of them communicating it throughout the day without having a way of letting you know - and not always wanting you to know either. If it was Osamu, you knew you’d at least get dinner soon. If it was Atsumu who walked through the door, a big idiotic grin on his face when he saw you, you sighed, wishing he’d still be at practice. At least, if Atsumu let go of you, he let you roam the full apartment and often brought you new things to get busy with.

However, that was only your day. The meaning of ‘routine’ meant something different entirely for the twins.

Cornering you against the wall, you averted your face to escape the smell of a deodorant shower mixed with sweat. It couldn’t be helped; Atsumu was what he wanted to be - an athlete. Nonetheless, he liked to disregard your personal space in favor of getting closer and closer, even if he only just returned home after a long day, immediately causing a ruckus. 

You see, for the twins, you were the height of their days. No matter how much they enjoyed their daily activities, once they were done, you were the only thing on their mind. No amount of desire and yearning could come close to the drive they felt rushing back from their work to their home to continue their routine of loving you. A feature of this routine was that things you did once had to be shown again. Had to be experienced again, especially if they were cute. 

Thus, your current suffering involved a grown man cornering you, trying to squeeze out the sweet, sweet ‘Welcome Home’ you muttered to him while your mind was foggy from the pleasure you had experienced on that day. It had become a part he’d have liked to implement in his routine, especially with how stubborn you turned out to be when it came to repeating it. You weren’t raising your hands or struggled as much as you did at first when they kidnapped you, but this was a matter of principle. Once you gave in to Atsumu, you’d always have to do it, and once they had this little bit, they’d demand more enthusiasm and more work. You’ve been with them long enough. You knew how these things would end.

It had been foolish, you couldn’t lie. Even though you had only tried to soothe the flared tempers of your captors with these words and were driven by serotonin and other feelings of happiness, you could only blame yourself for doing what you did. Never before had you shown even the smallest enthusiasm over their return, and having, especially Atsumu, latch on to that now, was just an immediate consequence. Any piece of affection you gave him was swallowed wholly and manifested in his head as a new routine for him. Had it been anything else - a kiss, a hug, an apology - you’d be in the same predicament, but it just had to be this silly greeting.

Perhaps you should have tried humoring him just to please him and get him off you, but the thought alone made you want to throw up. Once you’d allow this to fester in his routine, Osamu, too, would demand the same treatment. Before you knew it, the words alone wouldn’t be enough to satisfy their growing hunger for your attention. Suddenly you’d have to be affectionate with them when they arrived at your door, and they’d start to crave for more than you had to offer. There would be no avoiding or forgetting about something they made their routine, and soon enough, it would need to become part of your schedule too.

“I’m home,” he cooed, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. He was prompting you, fishing for what he wanted. Atsumu had a gift to ignore failure, simply trying it again even if his endeavors hadn’t been successful yet. ‘No’ wasn’t in his dictionary, and his understanding of you entirely revolved around loving you and gaining attention and praise from you. Fighting him was the worst. Though Osamu scared you more on a general day-to-day-basis, Atsumu was undeniably trickier than his brother. At least Osamu knew how to take a hint, while Atsumu ignored any and all that didn’t suit him. 

“Home,” he continued, lips fluttering against your temple. “Home~” Another kiss to your chin. Arms started to crawl around your body, feeling like caterpillars wandering over your skin. Knowing what was about to happen, you tensed up, feeling your flight instincts setting in. But where to? Atsumu was already all around you. 

Reluctantly you complied with Atsumu’s demands, his pulls and pushes leading you to the nearby couch. You knew if you wouldn’t move by your own efforts, he’d drag you with him, and not very gently so. At least that much you had already gone through, experienced, and submitted to. You preferred moving over bruising from his grips and pulls. It still wasn’t easy to give in to the fall when Atsumu plummeted onto the cushions, making you lose your steady feet on the ground in favor of seating you on his lap. Still, even that was manageable, though you wished you could have chosen any other position than straddling him. 

The two of you settled like this, his deodorant still filling your nose with its pungent smell, but the hand placing upon the back of your head pushed you forward into his chest relentlessly. It was dizzying but not the worst thing you ever smelled, even though you’d have preferred his deodorant not to be as strong and musky. 

Satisfied, Atsumu embraced you tightly for a few seconds, taking a deep breath of you in return, until you started to stir from the uncomfortable hug. At least for now, you figured he had given up on demanding your sweet voice to welcome him home, if only so because he wanted to cuddle. It may seem like a compromise to him, but you knew it was him forcing you to decide which was the greater bad of the two options he was giving you. Nothing was stopping Atsumu from burying his hands beneath your shirt, his skin noticeably colder than you after he just came home, enough to make you flinch lightly and dig your hands into his arms. 

You tried to get up and free yourself. Still, Atsumu merely chuckled, his response a joking yet demanding, “No! Warm me!” as he reached up all the way over your back, well-maintained, soft hands digging into your sides roughly. Taking a sharp breath, you had a hard time toggling the pain and uncomfortableness that rose in you, wondering what he was up to while Atsumu remained calm and indifferent about your struggles. A few more shifts were all you did, feeling his fingertips squeeze you harder every time you moved, forcing you to give up if you wanted him to release you from the pain.

Immediately, his hands became soft again as he felt you slump in his hug submissively, Atsumu too taking a deep breath before rubbing his cheek against yours affectionately. The areas he had just clenched down on burned up quickly, but you felt the relief set in as the pain slowly subsided. Littering the side of your face with kisses, he finally pulled out a hand from your shirt again, directing your head against his chest once more. You could feel his body relax as he followed your example to slump into the couch, one hand caressing the back of your head with slow, tender strokes while the other one held you in place around your waist precautiously, so you wouldn’t jump up. He held you like a precious, loved child, though he was nothing even remotely close to a parent.

There was no escape from someone so eager to pretend this was a healthy relationship. That you were an actual couple hugging and embracing each other, even if you were more of a limp doll in his arms, barely able to bring up the enthusiasm to hold him in return. All you did was fixate your eyes on the entrance to your room while your ear rested against Atsumu’s chest, hearing an excited beating through his shirt. 

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. 

“I did really well today! Everyone was praising me for my setting,” Atsumu began to recount.

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

“And Bokkun, he--” Interrupting himself with a laugh, Atsumu shook his head, heart beginning to race a little faster. “He tried to look extra cool, but he totally jumped into the net today and got stuck!”

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. 

“What about you?” he shifted his attention, and you knew he looked down at the top of your head from above, his thumb coming forth to brush over your eyebrows. “I played Mario Kart today,” you whispered, unwilling to create an awkward silence and cause him to urge you on with more painful touches. 

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. 

“Let’s play together after dinner!” Atsumu enthusiastically exclaimed, and you knew it wasn’t an invitation, but a firm statement of how you were going to spend your evening. It also didn’t surprise you that despite talking about Volleyball before, his heart only began to race now that you had spoken up. Atsumu could be that easy to read if he allowed it. 

You thought of the possibility of a nap as he kept spluttering excitedly about how he was going to win against you and how much better he was at games than his brother. Atsumu called it ‘the perk of being the older twin’ that he was winning so much, despite you remembering that he lost almost all the games lately, suspecting it was because he tried to gain your approval by letting you win. 

But your stream of thoughts were harshly interrupted by a sudden hand grabbing you by the arm, pulling you off Atsumu’s lap and out of his embrace. Atsumu’s merrily blabbering came to a halt, and you caught a glimpse of his face wrinkling while you fought with getting to your feet alone. “Go shower, you stink, ‘Tsumu,” you heard Osamu’s familiar voice raise behind you, another help coming to support your struggles.

“It’s not like [Name] cared,” Atsumu hissed, rising after you, their two bodies giving you a feeling of menace as they kept you between each other. “We just enjoyed cuddling, what’s wrong with you?!”

“It’s dinnertime, and you’re still not showered and changed, that’s what’s wrong, Dumbass.”

Atsumu did a short, upset flinch, a huff falling off his lips before he trotted off, pouting. Nothing angered him more than admitting his faults, and Osamu pointing them out didn’t help his swollen ego. Finally, after what seemed to be a quick pat-down, Osamu’s hands disappeared too, and he muttered a short “‘am home,” when you finally turned around, though other than Atsumu he wasn’t as persistent on you returning the greeting as you avoided your eyes and ignored it. Still, he waited for a hesitant, unsure moment, and you supposed the stakes were high when even Osamu considered delaying his routine just to hear your response.

But nodding slowly, his patience took over, and he turned to leave, having you trot after him with a relieved, inwardly sigh. Passing by the twin’s bathroom, you heard Atsumu’s phone play music as he started up a shower behind the door, but with Osamu being unbothered by it, you couldn’t care much about it either. Instead, you felt your stomach grumbling, your last meal having taken place well over five hours ago.

Absentmindedly as you thought back to the bread and egg you had in the morning, you stepped behind the kitchen isle, only to gain a very sharp, alert glare from Osamu, catching you by surprise. Understanding quickly, you were back on the other side, sliding onto one of the three stools on the other side of the kitchen counter, waiting patiently, for this was Osamu’s routine and not yours. 

Where you got your food depended on what either of the twins was feeling like. For Atsumu, it could be a quick plate of pasta on the table in your room or convenience store-bought items on the couch while watching TV. But for Osamu, when it came to be his turn - and luckily that was more often than Atsumu’s - he had you sitting pretty and proper at his side as he finished dinner, mostly served in the kitchen for convenience. 

Cooking was a skill he had in his blood. No wonder he raised ‘Onigiri Miya’ to be a famous hotspot in no time. But besides lavish onigiri, he also was decent with everything else he tried out and wasn’t stingy on bringing home fresh ingredients to feed you and his brother. Even Atsumu’s unique needs for his sports career were met by Osamu’s food, and though he did it with a straight face, you knew he enjoyed cooking very much. 

Being dependent was despicable, that much you knew, but even so, his food could make the world a little better. Even if you wished it wasn’t, well, from someone so toxic and sinister. Someone, whose greatest pleasure was watching you eat the food he prepared for you. Someone who was that kind of crazy. 

It was criminal that the plate before you smelled so damn good. 

Going without food for a long time, or even just a few more hours than usual that day, it was heaven to smell the curry whose steam rose to your nose sweetly. Without doing anything lately to upset Osamu, he even picked out the vegetables and ingredients you liked. A trick he liked to use on you whenever you ‘misbehaved’ was feeding you with only the things you despised. So right now, it was pure bliss, even though you knew it was nothing short of being the reward part of his carrot and stick methods.

You started to scoop a spoonful of it up, not waiting for any signal - you didn’t have to do that, luckily - before putting it in your mouth, letting the hearty taste lay down on your taste buds and the comfortable warmth spread in your body. Usually, you cursed Osamu in your mind, but this day all you could think of was how wonderful the nourishing this meal was for you. Enthusiastically, you kept stuffing your mouth full with it, hoping you’d never get full and your plate never empty.

At least for a while, it truly seemed that way, as you ate and ate some more. However, soon enough, your tummy started to feel stuffed, every spoon getting harder and harder to swallow. You weren’t sure why you were feeling this way when you snapped back from your food trance, hesitating to take the next spoon, only to catch an entirely different spoon putting rice and curry on your plate. Confused, you looked up and at Osamu, who had a very pure and tender smile playing on his lips as he kept taking small portions from his plate, to leave them on yours. 

“Uhm…” you mumbled, blinking a few times in confusion, and he, too, seemed to snap out of his thoughts, meeting your gaze wordlessly. “I’m full, so…” you tried to explain, putting your spoon aside. “Why? Don’t you like it?” It was almost laughable with how much his voice dipped low in disappointment as he said that, Osamu’s eyeing your plate gloomily, shoulder’s slacking. “N-No, it was delicious,” you muttered, a pang of nervosity driving through you. The last thing you wanted was to get on his bad side now. 

“Well, then,” he chirped up again, continuing his curry transfer. “You had no dinner yesterday, after… you know…”

Oh, you knew. And frankly, remembering it now made you feel even worse about the kitchen counter you had sullied the day before with your actions than you usually felt sitting here and contemplating your life choices as Osamu cooked. “Breakfast wasn’t much, so I wanted to make sure you eat enough today.”

“I’m fine, really,” you assured him, but Osamu biting his lip with a doubtful shine in his eyes almost made it seem like he couldn’t believe it even after you ate your portion and most of his. “One more,” he prompted, holding up the hill of rice-curry-mix on his spoon to you, and you felt your stomach turn both from thinking about consuming any more and from letting him feed you. Backing away ever so slightly, you bit back on the urge to decline his offer verbally, instead taking your own spoon to eat from your own plate with your own cutlery. 

Osamu merely watched, a shade falling over his eyes. Still, unprompted, he proceeded to leave the fill on his spoon on your plate again, proceeding to push you to eat more. You didn’t like to acknowledge this side of him, always wanting to believe he was more mature and tempered than his brother, but Osamu, too, could take too much pride in his doings and get pouty when he didn’t get the recognition for his work. It was a bad trait they shared, and though you tried to ignore his watchful eyes whenever you ate his cooking, you knew he was watching you with boundless joy because it was his cooking you were eating. Sometimes, like that day, you even ate with pleasure. 

It made you aware that he reveled in this feeling of being your provider, the hand feeding you, and you wondered if he always thought this way about himself, or only now that you had allowed him closer than ever to you, caressing the remnants of doubts into security. Perhaps, he felt more confirmed in his beliefs after you led him on, believed more in a connection than he did before. 

Scooping only the smallest amount of curry onto your tool, you proceeded to have some more tastes, hoping it would satisfy Osamu if he saw you eat at least a bit more. You dared to think not even he really knew what he wanted from you, and his actions were only placeholders for his true intentions. The intentions of watching you do things that were pleasing to him. 

Even though the hand enveloping yours suddenly came as a shock, it was almost a saving grace if not for the person behind it. Cooling drops of water fell onto the side of your face, and your shoulder as Atsumu leaned over your side, pulling the spoon to his mouth with a loud, “Aah!” 

Before anyone could react, he had already taken a mouthful, wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb while his other hand held up the towel around his hips. “It’s good!” he announced, letting out a fond sigh while licking his lips. “Where’s my plate?”

“Where are your clothes?” Osamu retorted sharply.

“In my room, why?”

Staring each other down while Atsumu used your hand casually to keep feeding himself curry, you were both baffled by the exchange as well as him not getting his own spoon or not use your hand to navigate food to his maw. Mannerly, you turned a blind eye towards the towel or the lack of clothes thereof, but an uncomfortable friction began to spread in the air nonetheless.

“Get some clothes and stop spreading water all over the floor, and we can talk about you getting dinner.”

“You’re too sticky with yer damn rules,” Atsumu complained, finally letting go of your hand and turning to leave for his room. “What if someone slips? What if she,” Osamu worried, pointing to you though you weren’t comfortable with being used in this conversation, “falls and hits her head? You want that?”

“‘Course not,” Atsumu quietly admitted, sounding offended, a little worried even, but mostly pouting. “At least get me a plate too,” were his last words before he toddled off, and Osamu sighed, rolling his eyes at his brother before getting up. He wasn’t fooling you, you knew you weren’t a child anymore, and you wouldn’t slip on a few drops of water on the floor - at least, not seriously. It would have made sense for him to think so little of you, simply to undermine your being, but you couldn’t believe it yourself. Watching as Osamu filled another plate with steaming, delicious curry, you pushed your plate away from you, making it very clear you were done. 

However, before you could go, Atsumu returned, taking the seat at your other side for himself and using your spoon to get an up front fill on the food, Osamu returning shortly after, scolding him for eating your food. “Don’t steal from other people’s plates, ‘Tsumu.”

“She’s done,” he confirmed what you had wanted to tell Osamu all this time. “You’re just jealous because I get to eat from her plate.”

“‘Am not.”

“Tell that someone who believes you.”

Their bickering continued, a laughable display of their sibling relationship. As if they could not go a moment without a tease or a snappy comment. As if this was normal, and to some degree, it seemed like it. By the corners of their mouth ever so often twitching upwards, as they joked on each other’s expenses, or the plates being put into the sink to be washed off later, it was all so normal. Just an ordinary evening, on a typical day, with not so sane individuals around you, but overall it appeared so awfully normal. 

Supposedly, that’s what routine did to you. It made a situation that was nothing short of abstruse seem alright and normal, even though the tears welling up as your heart clenched with the realization, weren’t at all a sign of normality. Rather, it was desperation, pity, and fear of what was going on. What was becoming of you when even you started to adapt to this routine of your new days, a routine brought to you by the twins rather than from your endeavors and your life going forward. What would happen? Where would your life lead to?

You couldn’t care about the gazes you earned, two conflicted bastards watching the tears leave lines as they rolled down your face, cold and calculating. Still, neither of them reached out to comfort you yet. They wanted to see where the situation was going, what was happening. If you’d lash out again at them, throw a tantrum, or just fold into yourself. Fulfilling your needs wasn’t always easy with the relationship you three had, and they glanced at each other, hoping their twin would know more about what to do than they did individually. 

But neither of their routines included tending to a meltdown, and yours didn’t either. They could pretend to be normal as much as they wanted. Still, the paradise they tried to uphold daily was rotting and decaying under the surface even if everything seemed to be fine. Laughs, fun, and forceful measurements couldn’t bring them what they really wanted, but it broke you into pieces more and more every day. Their routine and their acting slowly made you wilt and lose yourself, and neither you nor they knew how to deal with that. How to deal with your own routine of slowly succumbing to their forcing. 

They didn’t know.  

They didn’t know, so Osamu emerged from the kitchen to help you up, drag you back to the couch in your room, and sit you down between the two brothers as they put on the TV, latched a big blanket over you three. Their hands rested on your body, but you weren’t even uncomfortable with their touches at that moment, one palm rubbing over your lower back and one on top of your thighs comfortingly. A thumb drawing circles over your knee, while Atsumu pulled you to rest against his chest again, experience the warmth and comfort of another person wanting to help you through whatever you were experiencing. It was something they couldn’t understand, but didn’t intend to happen, at least, that much you took from Osamu’s worried frown as he wiped away the tears escaping your eyes.

You simply hoped that these meltdowns wouldn’t become a part of your or their routine ever.

Especially not when they took turns in gazing at you lovingly, adjusting their bodies so you’d be comfortable, and leaving tender kisses on the top of your head, learning that despite it all, they were the closest you’d ever have in terms of comfort ever again.

[literate-lamb]

Man of the House | five

Sam Wilson/fem!Reader, dark!Bucky Barnes/fem!Reader | 18+

A visit to your landlord uncovers a past.

► word count: 3.6k

► warnings(!): injuries, masturbation, hallucination. this is a dark fic.

|| Series Masterlist ||

A/N: A bit of a slow chapter but we’re nearing the end lads! 

𝔻𝕒𝕪 𝔼𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟

“We’ve checked everything, sir.”

It was hard to believe. There must be somewhere they had overlooked. Something felt amiss, you knew it.

“There were no signs of a forced entry. Everything was locked. Well, except for the balcony doors, but she had opened those.”

Had they checked the attic? The basement? He was there in the parlour windows, and the next, he was at the bottom of the stairs, close to the front door. You refused to believe he had came in easily, as if he had apparated in.

“The door she claimed the assailant kicked showed no damage whatsoever.”

That was impossible. You had heard it. You watched it shake as he demanded entry. You had  felt  it, the vibrations from his heavy boots passing through the floorboards. If there were no marked footprints, there should’ve been at least a splinter in the wood.

“We’ve received complaints like these before regarding the Rogers’ house, but we can’t really do anything when there’s no evidence. A ‘ghostly’ touch on the ankle can’t be taken as evidence.”

And just like that, your case was dismissed. Your encounter, taken with a grain of salt. Your experience, dismissed as a mere ghostly tale.

You had almost wanted to show them the purples around your neck. To take off the makeup and show them, to pass them off as evidence of an assault. But with no recollection of the event, and no solid evidence, you refrained. It would only backfire; not only towards you, but towards Sam as well.

“Thank you, officers. For all your help, but we can handle it from here.”

It was a long night and it ended when the officers had left. They had searched your house, taken your statement, and calmed you down. They were polite enough, listening when you recounted your harrowing experience, giving you comfort in the form of a shock blanket. However, their quick dismissal left a sour aftertaste within you. The disheartening feeling of being seen as a hysterical woman. 

You only had Sam who believed. You hoped he did.

“Sam, you believe me... right?”

“Of course, baby. Of course.”

Too shook up after last night’s incident, sleep evaded you until the wee hours of the morning, all the while curled up next to your saviour. He had soothed you, a protective arm at all times, giving you time. He never left your side throughout the night.

Now, huddled under the warm comforter of your guest room, you played last night’s events on loop. Heart palpating by even the sight of your bedroom door, Sam had decided a switch was in order.

At the end of the bed, Peaches laid in a white loaf by your feet, softly purring. She was a comforting presence, the heavy weight a reminder you weren’t alone. A guardian angel in her own way.

The day came and went faster than you could register.

In the morning, Wanda had came by with Vis to check up on you. She was worried after your abrupt goodbye on the phone and she was right to be. You missed their visit, being at the forefront of sleep. The warm serving of Paprikash you had for lunch was the sole indication of her visit.

Tony and Pepper had called and sent a large bouquet of colourful assortments with a ‘get well soon’ card attached right to your doorstep. They had heard from Sam, who had taken the duty of taking messages and answering your calls for you, citing your need for rest. Both had expressed the desire to visit, unfortunately corporate obligation had swamped them both.

In the late afternoon, Sam had came in with snacks in bed to soothe your cravings before dinner. He had prepared a few biscuits and fruits and made the grand gesture of feeding you with grapes. 

“Some folks in the area actually came by to give these to you,” Sam said, shooing a hissing Peaches off the bed. Those two will never get along. “A Mrs Proctor and her grandkid, said you’ve met before at her shop. Seems like you’ve been making friends.”

You hummed, confirming the information. It’s been a while, yet you still remembered your little visit and the incident. Warm, welcoming grandmother and her sour, distrustful grandchild. But after your harrowing experience, you came to realize maybe the teen had known something; it wasn’t just a tale told to scare teenagers off the property on Halloween.

If the both of them knew, then the whole neighbourhood knew. It isn’t a secret when the local police visited you in the middle of the night. Word always traveled fast in small neighbourhoods.

“She sent her regards and hope you’ll come visit soon,” he continued. “Her grandkid told me to relay a message to you too.”

You eyed him, prompting him to resume.

“She said ‘all the best’.”

There was no help coming for you.

 —

 As the Sun slowly descended into the horizon, you received your last visitor at the end of the day. He came to the house while you were in the bath, finally having the energy to rid off the grime from the last horror. 

You scrubbed your skin until it felt raw, the stinging a reminder to stop. You watched as the water swirled down the drain, bringing with it the impurities of the previous night. 

You began dressing, the dark turtleneck a warm choice against frigid Autumn. Wiping the fogged up mirror, you stared at your reflection, observing your state. Your skin was deadly pale with dark rings concentrated beneath your eyes; a perfect representation of a troubled person.

Carefully rolling down the collar, you gently thumbed the delicate skin of your neck. What was once a large bruise had shrunk, covering you in patches. They were now a faded purple with a tint of green; a sign of healing. 

They disgust you.

Your stomach churned looking at them. They were a reminder of a fog: thick, dense, a swallower of memories. You stared at them hard, racking your mind for a smidge of something, for anything. The longer it took, the uglier they became.

You unconsciously wrapped a hand around your neck, covering the ugly bruises from sight. It felt familiar, yet foreign. Slowly, you began putting pressure, firmly squeezing the sides. You felt an amounting rush.

You sat yourself on the opened toilet seat, back resting against the body. With the unoccupied hand, you hastily pushed your skirt and underwear aside. You worked yourself, rubbing your clit and running fingers down your lower lips, spreading your gathering slick. You let your mind stray away, forgetting the upsetting contusions, driven by only pleasure. 

Mewling, you pleasured yourself, knees in the air. More and more, you squeezed thoughtlessly, cutting your airways to chase that building pleasure. You let your imagination wander; visualizing thicker fingers spearing you and heavier palms circling your throat. Intermittently you’d pull out, slapping your cunt while envisioning rough digits handling you. You didn’t envision the physique of anyone, just the feel of a touch. They were familiar, kept in the back of your mind like a hidden memory. You were sure they were not that of your boyfriend. 

You were becoming dizzy, high off adrenaline from your asphyxiation. Nearing the tipping point, you quickened your ministrations until you finally snapped. Your thighs quivered as you came crashing, gasping for oxygen as you released your hold. Slick painted your thighs as they trembled. Eyes brimming with tears, you eyed yourself in the opposite mirror. You sighed, lost in blissful delirium; the sound of a woman spent.

Your bliss was short-lived when a knock came on the bathroom door.

“Baby, you okay in there? Your landlord came by for a visit, he just left.”

The tenor of Sam’s voice startled you, grounding you back to reality. You sprung up, adjusting your clothes and making yourself seem proper. Thighs still shaky, your legs felt like putty as you tried to stand up.

“In a minute!” you respond.

When you’ve deemed yourself decent enough, you opened the door. Sam’s toothy smile greeted you.

“My girl’s lookin�� all fresh and smellin’ beautiful,” he whistled. 

“That’s silly,” you laughed, hitting his chest. Sam grabbed you by the waist, pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your lips. 

“How are you?” he asked.

“Feeling slightly better.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t closer to the truth either. “Being taken care of really did wonders, I want this to last forever,” you kissed him again. “Just the two of us.”

“I’d love that as well.”

It was quiet for a time, the both of you lost in a peaceful bliss. Foreheads touching, you both focused on the moment; taking in the scent of your partner, hearing the beat of each other’s heart, and overall enjoying being in the other’s company. If given, you would prefer to stay like this forever. The beating of his heart, it grounded you. This was your safe place. 

Minutes passed and you were both still locked in each other. It took a sudden loud thump in the ceiling for you two to part.

  THUD!

 You quickly jumped away, horribly spooked. You were on high alert, fidgety, and distraught. The loud noise triggered your flight or fight, leaving you frantically searching for the source.

“Look at me, look at me,” Sam called your name. He grabbed your shoulders, rubbing your forearms in soothing circles. “You’re fine. Breath, you’re fine. I’m here.”

Sam guided your breathing and you followed his rhythm. After a while, you were calmed once more. It was obvious you were still spooked, a second thud confirmed it when you shot up at the sound. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Sam’s soothing voice cooed. “Would it make you feel better if I checked?”

You frantically nodded. Sam hastily strided through the hall with you close behind. He pulled the attic hatch but it wouldn’t open. 

“It’s stuck.” 

Sam tried again, giving it a pull a few times. On the strongest pull, it finally relented, revealing the ladder. As it slid down, a large heavy object came tumbling along with it, thudding by your feet. Sam picked it up and upon closer inspection it was an album. The word “Memories” greeted you; it was the photo album you had found a week earlier. You felt a cold run through you.

“Now, what do we have here.” 

He flipped through, stopping on the wedding photo of Mr Rogers and his wife, their fading faces smiling at you. Photos of their vacations, anniversaries, and holidays passed.

“Seems that he had a fulfilling life.”

Sam continued flipping before stopping on an older photograph. It showed a younger Mr Rogers and a brunette man with his arm slung over the shorter blonde. You immediately paled, recognizing this man. The same hair colour, except shorter. The same steel blue eyes, except brighter. The same chiselled cleft chin.

It was no doubt, this man was your  intruder .

You felt the temperature plunge upon your realization; wondering why he had seemed familiar. Panic began to consume you as Sam continued to flip through, the blue eyes in each photo seeming more sinister than the last, haunting your subconscious. 

Sam stopped when he noticed your trembling. Your eyes were glassy as you stared at the photo of the brunette decked in a peacoat.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sam asked, worried.

“T-this man,” you pointed to the photo. “It was him last night.”

“Are you sure?” Sam closed the album, giving you a concerning gaze. “Do you need to lay down?”

How dare he. He didn’t believe you. After everything, was it all pity?

“Yes, I’m freaking sure!” you shouted, tears spilling over. “And I do not need to lay down, Sam. I’m perfectly fine.”

It was tense from there. None of you spoke for a while. You could see a shine of regret reflected in his orbs, softening your anger by bit. Despite his reserved apprehension, he had saved and later, attended to you. He didn’t deserve your fury.

“I-I’m sorry for shouting, but why would I lie about this Sam?” you sighed. You were tired. “I don’t know who he is or if he’s even alive. I’ve never met him, but it seems like my landlord has.”

“Do you want to see him? Tomorrow?” Sam asked. “I can arrange it.”

“Yes, please,” you pleaded, giving him an empty smile. “Ghosts or not, I need answers.”

“Okay,” he slipped the album beneath his arm. “Let me check the attic first.”

Sam had checked every corner twice before climbing down. There was nothing unusual, saved for the coincidental album.

 𝔻𝕒𝕪 𝕋𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕧𝕖

The wet concrete was a hazard as you exited the car. Fall brought in cold winds as well as the small drizzles and showers here and there. The smell of rain mixed in with mud was high as you and Sam took deliberate steps on the pavement. 

The mailbox was a rusted red with ‘Rogers’ scrawled in white, the lawn an immaculate green spread that showed its upkeep. Opposed to the grandeur and foreboding nature of your rental, Mr Rogers’ abode was a small little thing. It looked old and worn, with a browning chimney and paint chipping off its sides.

You rang the doorbell and waited. Soon, Mr Rogers greeted you and welcomed you both in.

“Come in, come in. Make yourselves comfy, it’s not much but it’s home.” he ushered in. “Please, take a seat. I’m making some tea in the kitchen. It won’t be long.” Mr Rogers disappeared, leaving you and Sam time in his living room.

Similar to the exterior, the interior was just as worn, with the lumpy couches and yellow staining the ceiling. This house had seen better days but you couldn’t deny the certain charm. Off to the side of the living room, a fireplace stood, its mantle littered with framed photographs. You took a step closer to observe them. 

There were many photos of Mr Rogers with his wife, but there were equally the same amount with that of this elusive ‘James Barnes’. All of them were of the brunette with shorter hair, clean shaven, and lean; a contrast of the man who had grabbed you. A feature that stood out were his eyes. They looked hopeful and bright in these, the opposite of what you’ve seen. You shivered at the memory of locking with them through many mirrors. 

“I hope you’re both fine with regular black tea.” The older man came in, carrying a tray of bone china tea set and finger sandwiches. He poured you each a cup, placing them on the coffee table.

“It’s more than fine, sir,” Sam took a cup. “Thank you for your hospitality.” 

It was quiet for a moment with everyone sipping their tea. You sat beside Sam on the lumpy couch to the opposite of the older gentleman. You didn’t know where to start.

“I heard of what happened,” Mr Rogers started to your relief. “Officers Matthews and McCray phoned me in the morning. They’re probably exasperated, those two. Always getting calls about my house.”

“Enough about that, I should be asking you about your well-being. How are you doing, dear?” he asked, giving you a forlorn expression.

The blues of his eyes began to change, taking on a much more steely quality. His platinum strands darkened and lengthened, becoming dull and greasy. His frail body began bulking and doubling in size. The wrinkles of his skin disappeared, pulling taut over his cheekbones. 

He was morphing, taking on the figure that haunts you.

In his place was your monster.

 A nudge surprised you, pulling you away. The face of your nightmare nowhere, Mr Rogers remained in his armchair.

“Hey, you alright?” Sam shook you, concerned. “We lost you for a minute there.”

“Um, yeah.” 

You looked at him, eyes vacant. You turned towards the older man, he gave you the same look of concern. 

“It’s nothing, just thought I— Sorry, it’s nothing.” you gave a nervous chuckle. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” Mr Rogers asked, refilling your cup. “I know this is far from just a friendly visit. From my experience with past tenants, I understand if you want to leave. And don’t you worry about the deposit, I’ll give a full refund. It’s the least I could do.”

Relief filled your chest at hearing those words. This wasn’t what you had come here for, but it was a welcomed balm to your already tumultuous mind. It was one less thing to worry about.

“Thank you, Mr Rogers,” you said. “But that’s not actually what we’re here for.”

Signalling towards Sam, he uncovered the photo album from a canvas bag. You took it and carefully set it on the coffee table, spreading it open to a portrait of a brunette soldier. 

“We’re sorry for bringing this here, but it dropped from the attic when we opened the hatch,” Sam explained.

You watched as the elder’s fingers ghosted over the lettering of the man’s name;  James Buchanan Barnes . They were light, careful, afraid of ruining the piece of antiquity. 

“Mr Rogers, can you tell us a bit about this man?” you asked, desperate for answers. “Were the two of you friends?”

It took a while before he answered, eyes never taking off the photo.

“Bucky was my best friend. We grew up together in Brooklyn and he always had my back. Though, he was always neckin’ with a dame once in a while,” he mirthlessly chuckled. “He was always there.”

“When my ma contracted TB and passed, Bucky always helped. Late on the rent? He’ll cover it for ya. Low on food? He can cook.” 

He flipped through the album, recounting every tale that came with a photo and you let him. This was a man who missed his youth, left for only time to claim.

He recited how they went to Connie Island and how he threw up after riding the Cyclone. The many dance hall dates that left him for his friend. The many tales of how ‘Bucky’ had saved his butt in alley fights. The war they spent together fighting in Europe, defeating Nazi base after Nazi base. The war where he returned the favour of becoming ‘Bucky’s’ saviour.

“Bucky was all I had.”

 He stopped at the last page, where a photo of them in uniform in the snowy mountains stood. 

“What happened to him?” Sam asked.

A long stretch of silence filled between the three of you, not readying you for the answer you were to receive.

“He died. Fell off a train in the Alps. I never saw him again.” 

And it was back to silence. A beat or two passed.

“What’s this sudden interest in him?” the elder man asked, accompanied by a mirthless chuckle. “I didn’t think I’d be reciting his tale again after so long.”

You flipped the pages back to the portrait, stomach becoming queasy as you prepared to tell your tale.

“This man,” you paused, pointing at the photo. “He’s the one that came into the house the other night.”

“How…? Are you sure?” Mr Rogers’ breath hitched. “He’s been long gone for 75 years.”

“We’re not sure how,” you started. “But I have a theory.”

Sam handed you a flimsy folder. You opened it, taking out clipped pieces of paper. Most of them were screenshots of blog posts from previous tenants, recounting their part of the story living in your current residence. There was a similarity in their retellings that you noticed.

“These are some of the blog posts I managed to find on the house.” You arranged the papers on the coffee table, making them face the elderly man. “Sorry to sprung these on you, but I noticed a consistency in the hauntings that tenants before me have experienced.”

“Go on.”

You let out a breath before continuing, ”In each of the stories, everyone has said that they’ve seen an apparition of a man.” 

You pointed to the highlighted texts, their descriptions of an encounter similar.

“Sometimes in an army uniform.”

You turned to the portrait film of ‘Bucky’ in his World War II uniform.

“And sometimes in a blue coat.”

You flipped to the photo of Mr Rogers and ‘Bucky’ on the Alps. It was too good of a coincidence.

“So, what you’re saying,” Mr Rogers put two and two. “Maybe it’s his spirit that has been haunting the house all along.”

“That’s a way to put it,” you confirmed.

He seemed to still be taking it all in. A conflicted expression on his face, full of sadness and worry. Minutes passed and everyone started to move on, with the elder steering the conversation away. You thought it would take time for him, after the sudden resurgence and recalling of a traumatic past. You thought he would have more questions. But he surprised you and Sam by bouncing back, carrying the conversation with the fond memories of his past. It seemed a bit odd, but you put it behind you.

 The both of you ended up staying over for dinner. 

“Won’t you keep an old man company? It can be quite lonely since I don’t have kids of my own.”

The evening flew faster, with Sam and Mr Rogers exchanging military stories over plates of spaghetti. They bonded over their shared experience, with you chiming in questions  once in a while. You looked on in fondness, enjoying the time spent. Maybe you could do it again.

When it came time to leave, you both thanked Mr Rogers for his hospitality. You slipped him an invitation to have a meal at the house some time. However, before you could leave, the elder stopped you, a hand gripping your shoulder.

“Sorry dear, I needed to know. This theory of yours,” he said, forehead creasing. “You don’t believe in them, do you?”

You were caught in surprise by his sudden line of questioning, having thought of already getting past it. Nevertheless, you answered.

“Maybe I’m starting to have a change of thought.” 

And finally, you were no longer in denial.

A/N: Next up: The Witch’s Visit

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 1 of 2

SPOILER ALERT.

It's probably just the alcohol, but the beats of the music are starting to sound a little bit like a marching drum that's announcing war. She can feel herself dancing along to it, but her whole body is on alert, ready to switch to fight and flight any second.

"So, cool place huh?" The bloke in the leather jacket asks.

She tries to remember his name. Jeff something. Or maybe Jed. No, not Jed, she's thinking of Star Wars again. That's what happens when you binge watch a multiverse of movies in a single day.

Oh, yeah, that's right. She broke the multiverse.

Another shot of tequila, and she takes not-Jed's hand in hers. It doesn't feel right, at least not the way-

No.

She realises he asked her a question, but she can't remember what, and she just laughs, because that always works.

Encouraged, he leans in close and whispers into her ears. "How about we get out of here?"

"And go where, exactly?" She asks, but she's not sure he understands, not with how slurred the words come out.

She laughs again, and this time, it's bitter. This time, she's laughing at how this is so him, this getting drunk in the face of imminent danger and making a mess of things.

(But I'm not you.)

---

She's frozen in her place the second the glowing yellow door appears. But it's not for her, at least not this time.

She hasn't been on the run for a while. Doesn't need to be. Because even though she is the one who unleashed the chaos, it's the chaos that needs to be contained immediately. She's low on the list of priorities.

The TVA will come for her. But not right now.

---

It's extremely easy pretending to be a psychic. All she has to do is take her client's hands and enchant him, find a memory, describe it back to him.

Sometimes she does it just for fun, just to see the look of amazement on their faces.

Other times, she does it for the money she needs to survive.

"And I see a blonde woman. Very beautiful."

"That's my wife."

The way he smiles, loving and proud, makes her heart drop.

"What do you see in her future? Is she happy? Does she get the job at the magazine?"

There is definitely at least one timeline where she does get the job, but The Enchantress cannot exactly tell if it's this one. She can't actually see the future, after all.

She sees the colors drain from his face as her silence swallows the room. "She's going to be okay, right? I just want her to be okay."

(I just want you to be okay.)

There's that bitter laugh again, because-

No. She can't do this right now.

"She loves you very much", she whispers, to the man in front of her, and to the man who is not there to hear those words.

---

Mobius finds her in the middle of a concert by a Nirvana where Kurt Cobain never died. She can easily slip away, disappear into the screaming, writhing crowd if she wants.

Or she can just take him some place quiet and hear him out.

"Help us", Mobius pleads. He sounds exhausted, and not just physically. "We're outnumbered and outwitted. Our world is in danger."

"This isn't my world", she reminds him.

"Yet, you're here", he retorts.

Her smile is pained. "Where else will I go?"

He is sympathetic, like he always has been. And he offers her a new glorious purpose. "Come with me. We need you. He needs you."

She feels the air find its way out of her lungs the same way she pushed him out of her life- painfully, forcefully. "H-how is he?"

"He's okay... all things considered."

Now there's a cocktail of relief and disappointment that will give her months of sleepless nights.

"Tell him I'm-" she starts, but she doesn't know how to finish that sentence. What can she tell him? That she's sorry for not trusting him when she should have? That she's sorry for making the universes collide?

That she's sorry for betraying him and breaking his heart?

(How will I know you won't betray me at the end?)

"Nevermind."

---

It's been really hard facing the consequences of her actions, watching the timelines bleed into each other and destroy people's lives- families torn, achievements gone, every little anomaly delving into death and destruction. Every headline on the newspaper is her fault, and she has to live with that.

But that seems so easy compared to this moment where she has to face him.

The plan was to send him away, kill He Who Remains, give people their free will back, save the world, then come back to him. Yeah, he'd be mad at her at first, sure, but he'd forgive her eventually, she was confident.

Then the timelines started to branch the minute she stuck the dagger in that terrifying man's chest, and she knew she had screwed up.

She had sunk to the ground in defeat as the realisation of the repercussions hit her, and she did what she has always done- run.

She didn't even realise she had sent him to the wrong universe until she teleported herself into another universe as well. The journey back was long and lonely, but she dreamt of him in colors while the world was bleeding red, and that was enough to keep her going.

She doesn't really know what she'll do when she sees him again. Neither does she know what reaction she expects from him. Nothing he can say to her can be worse than what she thinks of herself.

A part of her hopes he would be overwhelmingly happy, he would come running to her, just like he did at The Void, greet her with the smile that has won a hundred hearts- including hers, and tell her everything will be alright. Another part of her fears that he would be furious, and he would confront her with accusations of unleashing havoc on all worlds- especially his.

What she never expected is this eerie calm that makes her feel like she is standing in the storm center.

His walls are up.

And it causes her to redirect the anger she feels at herself towards him. There's venom in her voice. "So you do get to rule, after all."

"I don't feel much like a king." He shrugs. "I'm more of a multiversal janitor. Mopping up multiversal messes."

"My messes."

"Our messes." He corrects, his features softening around the edges. "We made a mistake." He has been saying that ever since he found himself in the alternate TVA, and that hasn't changed even after getting back to his own version of the bureau. Always "we", never "she". He simply cannot bring himself to blame her without taking accountability for his part in the mess.

"Don't patronize me." Her hands are shaking, just like her voice, a sharp contrast to his steady silhouette, and can he just hold her, please? "I don't need you to take the fall for me."

His eyes go cold, like they were forged in the heart of Jotunheim. "Of course not", he says, fully composed. "You don't need me for anything. It's not like we're in this together."

(Maybe we can figure it out-together.)

---

She now knows her walls don't- can't- keep the hurt out- it just keeps her locked inside this cage of distrust and insecurities. And the price she has to pay for it is too high.

They could have been lying on a beach somewhere, sipping mimosas right now. Instead, they're here, in the vast, silent library of the TVA, sitting on separate tables, reading files on variants.

The only thing worse than bearing the weight of his gaze is having him stare at his files without looking in her direction even once. She can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry." She suddenly blurts out.

He looks up, confused. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm sorry for what I did." She repeats. It's difficult to start an apology, but once she finds the strength to begin, the rest of it flows automatically. "I'm sorry I messed up everything. I'm sorry I broke the timelines. I'm sorry the world is in danger." She takes in a deep breath. "And I'm sorry I betrayed you."

His smile is the saddest kind. "A Loki betraying a Loki. That's the least surprising thing in the world. What's shocking is how I didn't see it coming. You really had me going with that kiss. Very nice distraction. Very Loki."

Free will comes with the fine-print of living with the consequences of your choices. And she has to live with hers every day. The tears finally spill out of her eyes. She hasn't let herself cry for a long, long time. But now she's breaking down worse than the multiverse. "I didn't do it to distract you. I did it to say goodbye."

He gets up, and she panics that he's leaving. Instead, he sits down in front of her, reaches for her hand, but changes his mind mid-way and lets them fall to his side. "You didn't have to say goodbye."

"It's all I've ever known." She feels like that scared little girl, far from home, running from minute men, with nobody to turn to but herself. "I told you, I don't have anyone."

"You had me."

That's the saddest part of it all, isn't it? Everything else in her life is the TVA's fault. She's torn from Asgard? Hasn't seen her parents in years? Can't remember her brother Thor? Spent her whole childhood running and hiding? All TVA.

But this? This is all her own doing. This is the one time she had something real, something worth holding onto, someone worth fighting against the world for. Instead, she questioned his intentions, didn't hold on, fought him and ruined everything.

"I didn't want to rule, Sylvie", he finally tells her. "I wanted you."

She has dreamed of this moment when he tells her how he feels. They have come so close to it so many times, the words dangling off the edge of his tongue but never quite finding their way out. She has always known- every word, every action pointed to it. But it was so hard to imagine someone could love her.

It's so hard to imagine someone can love her again. The past tense in his wording terrifies her worse than any danger ever could. "Is it too late to fix things?"

His smile doesn't reach his eyes. "We are fixing things. That's why we are here. Saving the universe."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't know how to trust you again, Sylvie." He tells her point blank- no deception, no lies, no Loki-ism. "And you never trusted me to begin with."

That's not entirely true. She trusts him more than she has trusted anyone. "I really thought I was doing the right thing."

"I know."

(Not to be dramatic, but yeah, we're saving the universe.)

---

The Avengers are much nicer than Loki described them, considering they don't kill her for what she has done, instead tell her about their own journeys towards redemption. Wanda tells her about the man she has loved and lost, and the pain she has caused to an entire town. Barnes talks about his past as a brainwashed assassin. Clint tells her the story of Natasha and how she took charge and changed her life.

Thor is the kindest of them all. He talks about how far Loki himself has come. He tells her stories of his version of Asgard, the nine realms, the glorious battles, the beauty of earth.

She still dreams of death, but sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes, she hopes.

---

(To be continued)

[beatricethecat2]

"Another day or two?" Helena gruffs.

"Yeah, um, sorry," Myka replies.

"That storm postponing your flight was one thing, but this? You are aware our rental is expiring eminently."

"Maybe we can extend?"

"I already inquired."

"And?"

Helena grimaces, nose wrinkling.

"I-I'll find us a new one."

"No, I shall, since I've clearly been left to my own devices."

"I'm coming soon, I promise!" Myka yelps. "I'll stay wherever you want. Extend the car rental, too."

"If I must swap it at the airport, I shall be cross."

"More cross than now? How is that even possible?" Myka jabs.

"I believe you know the answer," Helena says, deadpan. "What exactly is keeping you there?"

"I'm figuring something out but it's more complicated than I thought."

"And this 'something,' how long am I to remain in the dark?"

"Not long, but..." Myka's shoulders sag. "I might as well tell you."

"If it's such a burden—"

"No! I wanted to iron out the details first." Myka heaves a heavy sigh. "Ok, here it goes...I'm figuring out how to work remotely. Mostly."

Helena perks up. "This is something you truly wish to do?"

"I..." Myka pushes a hand through her hair, stopping halfway, looking off to the side. "I've been thinking about what you said, that the Warehouse needs to evolve, that it's stuck in the nineteenth century."

"Such a travesty; agents sequestered in a boarding house with modern communication and travel as they are."

"It's not so bad, having your friends there when you need them." Myka's hand drops to her side. "I do love my family here, but if I'm honest, it hasn't felt the same since Leena died." 

"May I say again how truly sorry I am for your loss. She was an extraordinary woman."

"She really was." Myka blinks back a tear and looks down. "But it's more than that. What you said about only traveling for work, of never really visiting a place, that stuck with me, too. How you want to take advantage of all this new world has to offer, things I take for granted, because you've been given a second chance." 

"I can be quite persuasive when I wish to," Helena says, lips turning up at the ends.

"And I love you for it." Myka's smile matches Helena's.

"But those are my wishes. What are your own?" Helena asks.

"I think it's worth fighting for change, even if making up rules as we go scares me."

"You are fond of protocol."

"And you're not. So we complement each other. Or cancel each other out," Myka says, lips lifting into a crooked grin.

Helena huffs a short laugh. "And Pete? How is he faring?"

"He's super bummed, but I think he understands." Myka shifts in her seat, sitting up straighter. "You might hear from him. He said he wants to have a chat."

"What about?"

"A 'big brother' kind of thing."

"I'm surprised he's waited this long."

"Me too."

The air quiets, each waiting for the other to continue.

"There is one other thing. An, um, 'condition," Myka says.

"Just the one?"

"Hey..."

"I'd expect nothing less. Go on."

"I can't go on missions alone."

"Nor would I allow you to."

"Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"While you're working, someone will join you."

"Yeah, you."

"But I'm no longer an—"

"They want to reinstate you."

"Myka..."

"I know, I know," Myka says, waving her hands in surrender. "It'd be on your terms. I'll make sure of that. And I'll keep you in check."

"That's a tall order."

"Believe me, I know."

Helena grasps at her locket and works a thumb over its smooth metal case.

"We'd have our autonomy, mostly. Be working part-time. We're already doing it unofficially anyway. And I think we work well together." Myka flashes a smug smile.

"And the distance from the Warehouse? How will you manage?"

"Abigail agreed to be our eyes in the archive. And we already have access to the database."

Helena stares at Myka for a long moment, fingers clutching her locket. "Can this truly be?"

"I think so. I'm hashing out details with Jane, but we need a few more days," Myka says, smiling. "Find us a place to stay for a couple of weeks. We can figure out what happens next from there."

"With pleasure," Helena says.

"So...can I tell them you're Agent Wells again?"

"I've further terms to discuss."

"Send them over. I'll make sure you get what you want."

Smiles grow wider as they hold each other's gazes.

"So...what'd you get up to yesterday?" Myka asks.

"I traveled by cable car up Hyde Street. The views were breathtaking."

"You did that without me?"

"I was tired of waiting."

"Do not go to Twin Peaks or Coit Tower. We're doing those together."

"I shant. Perhaps I'll peruse City Light Books again and linger in Jackson Square."

"That's where those buildings from the 1800's survived the earthquake."

"Indeed."

"Are you feeling a sense of closure, being there?"

"I believe we could have had quite a pleasant life here in my day. But closure, that may only truly begin upon your arrival."

"I can't wait," Myka says, grinning wildly.

-END SCENE-

------------------

Bering and Wells: New Horizons ("Warehouse 13" Season 5 replacement) Season 1: Episode 8 Title: San Francisco: The 415 Blues Summary: A freak storm delays Myka's flight to San Francisco. Helena learns Myka's taken on more while home than just dropping off an artifact. New paths are revealed while working through a difficult retrieval, as well as an ask that may take them to foreign shores.

Previously: Episodes 1-7 (look in my archive as adding links broke my post last time)

------------------

After assessing the scene of a retrieval, Myka and Helena duck into a coffee shop.

"That facade's massive! How would we know which one?" Myka asks.

"'It'll be obvious,' Artie said. Far from it," Helena snips.

"Maybe spray it with neutralizer and see what sparks?"

"It's a landmarked structure, too high-key."

"True," Myka says, frowning. "Artie said it was a chain reaction. One brick radiating into the others. Remove the source and the rest will calm down."

"Once one pinpoints the source."

"At least we know it's in arms reach," Myka says, sipping of her coffee. 

"Do we?"

"Someone almost burned their hand on it."

"Nothing felt even remotely hot to the touch today." Helena screws the cap onto her water bottle. "The brick responsible could be beaming down from the loftiest of places. We'd need scaffolding to check properly."

"And that hill is..." Myka motions with her hand at a forty-five-degree angle.

"Is it truly a risk if it's merely hot to the touch?" Helena says, leaning back in her chair.

"Artie's not sure. He thinks wildfire smoke is 'activating' the bricks, making them think they're in the fires after the 1906 earthquake. So it depends on which way the wind's blowing. Prolonged smoke contact equals hotter bricks, and hotter bricks mean the building might catch fire."

"Because these melted 'clicker bricks' were used in rebuilding after the earthquake?"

"Uh-huh. And Artie thinks they caused a previous fire."

"The one where those girls died trapped in the basement."

"So sad," Myka says, shaking her head. 

"I'd read it was arson, meant to discourage the Mission House staff from rescuing those poor immigrant girls from servitude."

"It probably was. But it might not have spread as fast without the clinkers."

"I see." Helena's hand tightens around her water bottle. "We cannot allow it burn again."

"We won't," Myka says, touching Helena's hand to reassure her. "Maybe we can monitor it with heat sensors. I bet Claudia has a gadget."

"I'm certain she shall," Helena says, looking as if she's combing through a catalog in her mind. "We must set up surveillance in the buildings across the street."

"Maybe we can pose as historians studying Julia Morgan, the architect," Myka says, perking up.

"What a blessing it shall be we're here for an indeterminate amount of time."

"Ooh! Maybe this can be our thing, traveling places and staying awhile, snagging difficult artifacts."

"I adore your ingenuity." Helena leans across the table, planting a kiss on Myka's lips.

"Mmm...thanks," Myka hums as Helena pulls back. She lifts her phone off the table, fingers working the keyboard, texting Claudia. "Maybe this is a good time to, um...tell you, there's a...a, um...something else the Warehouse's asked us to do."

"I knew they wouldn't release you that easily," Helena says, narrowing her eyes.

"This one's about you."

"Aren't they all, somehow?"

"Kinda?"

"Well, out with it then," Helena says, sitting back, crossing her arms over her chest.

"The artifacts you hid, the Warehouse wants them."

"They believe there are more?"

"Oh, come on."

"They've shelved the Trident and Corsican Vest."

"And the Imperceptor."

"That was not an artifact."

"Fine. Artifacts and inventions," Myka snaps. "And they want us to follow up on cold cases you left behind."

Helena shifts in her chair and looks towards the bridge in the distance. "This is punishment for my unwillingness to interact with the Warehouse. You told them of my issues surrounding Christina."

"No. I said separating your body from your mind then sending it out as a lure for Sykes really pissed you off."

"This is not untrue."

"Pisses me off, too," Myka mumbles.

"They may threaten such a thing again should I not bow to their demands."

"We."

"Pardon?"

"Should we not bow. I'm part of this, too."

"Yes, as my 'handler.'"

"Maybe. But our definition of 'handling' can be kind of fun." Myka skims a finger down Helena's forearm, prying her fisted hand apart and threading their fingers together.

Helena lets out a heavy sigh. "I may not recall everything. I'll need my diaries."

"Do you know where they are?"

"At the Warehouse, of course."

"I meant the real ones."

Helena raises a brow.

"You know they know you hid them before you were bronzed."

Helena grimaces. "I once knew where they were. There's no guarantee they're still there."

"You've already looked."

"I may have, briefly."

"And?"

Helena shakes her head in the negative.

"Then let's start with what you remember."

"Or, start with the items I've hidden since?"

"Helena!"

"Punish me later, darling. We've a smoldering building to extinguish." Helena squeezes Myka's hand and brushes a thumb under her jacket cuff. "Did Claudia get back to you?"

"No," says, checking her phone. "Maybe we should get back to the apartment and do some research?"

"'Research' is our best course of action."

Both women smile in agreement, then rise and hastily take their leave.

-END SEASON ONE-

NOTES: NOTES: And this wraps up Season 1! As you can see, it's set up to transition to a second season, one fairly independent from the Warehouse. Who knows if that will ever materialize (but I do have a few ideas). Links broke my post last time, but look up Cameron House (formerly the Mission House) in San Francisco and Donaldina Cameron for more on that organization and the deadly fire. Clinker bricks are regarded as junk bricks - warped from being fired at too high a temperature, or in this case, mangled by building fires after the 1906 earthquake. Many older buildings in Chinatown contain them as the neighborhood scrambled to rebuild after the earthquake, because white real estate developers were poised to swoop in steal their land. In the Cameron House design, clinkers were also used decoratively in an Arts and Crafts style (there are other buildings in SF like this, like 45 Upper Terrace, also designed by a female architect, Ida McCain). I dedicate this episode to @blackfoxreddog !!

[reinerispretty]

reminiscence. (? x f!reader) pt9

hello and welcome back! thank you for ur patience! this is another over 5000 words one, so pls enjoy! feedback and sharing is loved and appreciated but not necessary!!

pt1

pt8

pt10

“Have you talked to him at all since…?” Asami asked.

“Since I completely embarrassed myself at dinner the other night? No, I haven’t.” She situated herself in bed and turned over to look at her friends. “Do you think I should? I mean, it is odd that he just kissed me out of nowhere, right?”

“Mako’s not one to hold back when it comes to his feelings,” Korra said, and she and Asami exchanged a knowing smile.

Asami swung her fist forward, but (Y/N) ducked and lurched towards her to land a hit in Asami’s abdomen. She blocked her punch by grabbing (Y/N’s) wrist with a hard grip. (Y/N) paused, unsure of what move to do next, before relying on her instincts. Asami would expect her to try to punch with her other hand, but (Y/N) dropped to the ground and swept her leg under Asami’s. She toppled to the ground and landed on her back. As (Y/N) leaned over her, Asami gave her a bright smile. “You did so well! You’re a quick learner.” She took (Y/N’s) hand and stood on her feet. “One or two more sessions and you’ll be ready to handle anything.”

“It’s because I had a great teacher,” (Y/N) gave Asami a sloppy bow. “You really think I’ll have to fight in the Spirit World?” Asami shrugged.

“It’s better to be prepared for anything.”

After the disastrous dinner earlier in the week, (Y/N) had thrown herself into training with Asami and Korra. Both girls were great at teaching her hand-to-hand combat, and the exercise helped take (Y/N’s) mind off of everything that had happened with Mako and Bolin. By the time she went to bed at night, she was too exhausted to spend the night lying awake and wondering what she should do.

It was awkward now, being around Mako. He was trying his best to be nicer to her, she had noticed. But they hadn’t talked about his reasoning behind the kiss and at this point, (Y/N) was so full of scrambled emotions that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. She wanted to just write it off as a fluke, an accident, and focus on preparing for their journey to the Spirit World.

She had barely talked to Bolin since that dinner. They only saw each other in passing. He avoided areas that Mako tended to be, so he rarely hung out with the group as a whole. (Y/N) was beginning to worry. Korra had assured her that Bolin would be fine. He bounced back quickly when he was upset and his and Mako’s relationship would be fine. But (Y/N) had passed Mako standing in front of Bolin’s door each night as his knocks went unanswered. Not seeing Bolin as much unsettled her, putting a sour feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Asami handed her a bottle of water, which (Y/N) gratefully accepted. “Are you coming to lunch?” She shook her head.

“I think I’m going to head to my room and freshen up, maybe take a nap.” Asami nodded and they bid each other goodbye.

The walk to (Y/N’s) room was long and allowed plenty of time for thoughts to run through her head. She had stuck her foot in her mouth earlier this week, but she wanted to make things right. She had given Bolin space, because that’s what she thought he had needed, but him not being part of their meals and time together just felt unnatural.

She stopped in front of his door. She knew that she probably looked a mess. She was sweaty, and her hair was falling from the ponytail she had put it into before her training, but she had to do this now before she talked herself out of it. Raising her fist, (Y/N) gave a few raps against the dark wood and waited. “Bolin?” She asked after there was no answer. “It’s me, (Y/N).”

  ---

Bolin had spent the last few days laying in bed with his eyes glued to the ceiling. It has been over a year since he had last seen (Y/), before all of this mess had happened, and he had thought he was doing alright. He didn’t wake up in the mornings feeling empty anymore, like a piece of his heart was missing. She wasn’t the first thing on his mind when he opened his eyes and she wasn’t the last thing he thought of before going to sleep. He could actually make it through his day without being reminded of her.

And when she showed up unannounced sure, it had tugged at his heartstrings to see her. It had brought back a flurry of old memories with every facial expression she made. But Bolin was okay. He had gotten over her. So, why was he so angry? Every time he thought about Mako kissing (Y/N), it nearly enraged him. Bolin hated feeling like this. He was never an angry person, but right now if he could punch Mako in the face, he would. And he didn’t understand why. After all, Mako was the one that had been so adamant about Bolin getting over (Y/N). He had told him to put himself back out there, to make new memories to replace the old ones. Had this been his plan all along, to steal (Y/N) from Bolin?

Bolin shut his eyes tight. No, Mako wouldn’t do that. And besides, (Y/N) wasn’t his. He didn’t have any claim over her, especially not know, when she doesn’t know who he is. She knows nothing about their history together and Bolin had to be honest, sometimes it killed him. Sometimes he wanted to make a joke that he knew only she would understand, but she wouldn’t now. In the mean time, before she got her memories back, he had wanted to be her friend. It wasn’t her fault that this had happened to her, and a tiny part of him hoped that maybe this amnesia thing would explain what had happened between them. He had to admit that a small part of him did enjoy standing so close to her and hearing her laugh and spending time with her, but he had written it all off as leftover feelings.

She had done quite a number on his heart, after all.

Almost two years ago, Bolin stood on the doorsteps of (Y/N’s) apartment, waiting in the cold winter air. He hit the buzzer and heard the second-floor window fly open. “I’m almost ready!” She called down to him, poking her head out of the window. Bolin’s heart caught in his chest for a moment. Half from seeing his girlfriend and half from noticing how far she was hanging out the window. “You can come up if you want!” Bolin accepted her invitation silently and pulled open the door, a chill running through his body as he stepped from cold air into warm. He walked up the high flight of stairs and immediately stood in (Y/N’s) living room.

Every time he had visited, he was unsure how a girl could come to accumulate so much stuff. Her furniture was all mismatched, taken from sales and alleyways, and piles of books were scattered across the entire apartment. Potted plants lay in beams of direct sunlight beneath the windows. Upstairs in the loft, he could hear her rifling through clothes to get ready for tonight.

“I have absolutely nothing to wear,” He heard her huff, just as a blouse fluttered down from above and landed at Bolin’s feet. He picked it up and climbed the stairs to the loft to return it to her.

“No matter what you wear, you’re still gonna be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” And she turned around and gave him a smile, biting down on her lip to prevent herself from grinning so wide.

“Thank you, Bo,” She said softly, standing in front of the mirror to smooth down her hair. “I’m just nervous.”

“I’m meeting your mom, shouldn’t I be the only one that’s nervous?” She scoffed, pulling one of the old sweaters he had given her from her closet and pulling it over her shoulders. It was green, like most of Bolin’s things were, and he couldn’t help but run over to her and hug her from behind, lifting her into the air as he did so. She let out a squeal of surprise that turned into laughter. He thought she was beautiful no matter what she wore, but something about seeing her in his clothes made his heart soar even more than it did when he was around her.

She turned around once he set her down, but his hands were still placed gently on her waist. She smoothed out the collar of his shirt. Bolin had wanted to dress to impress, so he borrowed one of Mako’s nicest shirts. It was a bit too tight on Bolin’s frame, but he hoped if he kept his jacket on, no one would notice. “My mom is just…something else. She owns Kwong’s Cuisine, so sometimes I think she thinks she’s better than people. I don’t want her to scare you away.”

He pressed a kiss to her cheek and she hummed, wrapping her arms around his middle and resting his head on her chest. “Nothing could ever scare me away from you.”

They walked the whole way to the restaurant, which had closed just a few hours prior. Bolin thought the dinner idea was nice. (Y/N’s) mother had suggested a private, after-hours dinner with just the three of them. Her mother was not only the owner, but a highly renowned chef in Republic City, so Bolin’s stomach grumbled in anticipation as (Y/N) led him through the doors of Kwong’s Cuisine. The inside was beyond elegant. Bolin had only seen the inside when he was walking by and people were entering or leaving the building. He had always wondered what it was like, and it had certainly surpassed his expectations. The host took their coats and led them to the table where (Y/N’s) mother was waiting.

Her mother sat with her hands folded in her lap as they approached. Everything about her seemed regal, from each perfectly placed hair atop her head to how even though Bolin was standing and she was sitting, it seemed like she looked down on him.

“Hi Mom,” (Y/N) said as they approached. Her mother remained seated and Bolin noticed how rigid (Y/N’s) body had become. “This is my boyfriend, Bolin.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ma’am!” Bolin said excitedly, extending his hand out to offer a shake. She stared at it for a few moments before Bolin retracted it, wiping the sweat that had accumulated onto his dress pants. He pulled out (Y/N’s) chair before sitting down across from her. There were only three chairs at this particular table, and although she was still within arms reach, Bolin felt like he was way too far away from her.

“Your restaurant is amazing,” Bolin said, staring at the chandeliers over their heads. “I’ve heard super great things about it.”

“You’ve never been to Kwong’s Cuisine?” Her mother asked, taking a sip of her water. Bolin shook his head.

“It’s not quite within my price range unfortunately,” Bolin chuckled, and (Y/N) smiled at him as she started to look at her menu.

“I don’t know why you need that thing,” Her mother said off-handedly. “If you work here you should have the menu memorized.” (Y/N’s) fingers gripped the menu pages tightly.

“I was just looking.”

“Bolin,” Her mother said, turning to Bolin, but she pronounced his name all wrong. She said it as “Ball-in” and while Bolin wasn’t all that concerned, he could tell that it irked (Y/N). “I’m glad I’m finally meeting you. I was beginning to worry that our dear (Y/N) was going to keep you a secret for forever.” Bolin stole a glance at (Y/N), but she was staring very intently at the menu. “Tell me about yourself, since my daughter neglected to do so.”

“Oh,” Bolin said, and he was starting to sweat at the back of his neck. Had (Y/N) really not said anything to her own mother about him? She worked at this restaurant nearly every day! She had sneaked him into the kitchens and she hadn’t bothered to at least mention him? “Well, my name’s Bolin, but uh, you already knew that.” He coughed to clear his throat. “I have an older brother, Mako, he’s pretty cool. He and (Y/N) get along swell. We’re part of the Pro-Bending team, the Fire Ferrets,” And the look that (Y/N’s) mother made told Bolin that he probably shouldn’t have said that.

(Y/N) came to the rescue. “They’re amazing! You should see them play at the stadium, Bolin and Mako are like a dynamic duo.”

“I see,” Her mother said. “And do you and your brother see yourselves making a career out of this?”

“Well-“

“Because I can’t imagine that you could win every game.”

“Mom…”

“And it just seems to me that it’s not a very practical career avenue. I mean, what must your parents think?”

Bolin was feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He understood now, why (Y/N) was so nervous about him meeting her mother. He felt like he wanted to run and never stop. But he remained seated. “My parents passed away when Mako and I were little.”

“Surely your family must-“

“Mako and Bolin don’t have any other family.” (Y/N) snapped. That seemed to shock her mother into enough silence so (Y/N) continued. “Bo, I was thinking, you might like these Water Tribe noodles that we serve.” Bolin opened his menu for the first time but his eyes were just a bit watery.

They ate dinner for the rest of the night in silence. (Y/N) tried hard to make the conversation flow, but it seemed like that ship had sailed. Once they left for the night, she walked at Bolin’s side, huddling into herself.

“Why didn’t you tell your mom about me?” Bolin asked.

“I just wanted to have you to myself for a little while longer,” She said with a sigh. “I know I should have told her, but my mom…she ruins things. Good things. We used to get along swell before my dad left, but she turned into someone I don’t like.” (Y/N) looked up at him. “I didn’t want her to ruin us, too.”

Bolin reached out and grabbed her hand. (Y/N) squeezed it. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to protect me. I grew up living on the streets. I’ve probably stolen food out of the garbage from your mom’s restaurant. If you like me for who I am, then you have to know I like you for who you are. Scary mom and all.”

(Y/N) smiled up at him. “On the bright side, now that that’s over, we won’t have to see her again!” Bolin laughed.

“At least not until the wedding.” And because he knew her, he smiled at the warmth he knew was coming to her face.

Things went surprisingly well after meeting (Y/N’s) mom. They spent even more time together. Their anniversary was coming up soon and Bolin had been saving his cut of the Fire Ferret winnings for months to buy her something nice. He knew she wasn’t the kind of person who expected gifts from others, but he enjoyed spoiling her regardless, and wanted to give her something a little nicer than usual.

The idea of telling her that he loved her had also been bouncing around in his head. Bolin had never been one to deny his feelings, and although the majority of him was fairly confident that (Y/N) felt the same way, there was still the small fear of rejection at the back of his mind. But life was too short to live in fear, so when they would go out to their anniversary dinner, he would give her the present and also tell her that he loved her for the first time. And if she didn’t feel the same just yet, Bolin was okay was that. Because (Y/N) was the kind of person that Bolin wanted to wait for.

When he and Mako were little and living on the streets, they had to pawn off as many things as they can to make sure they could survive. This money lasted them for a few months. It helped to get them clothes and food. Mako had chosen to keep their father’s scarf and Bolin had chosen to keep Pabu, because having a pet around was always a good idea. One thing that they had to part with was their mother’s most prized possession: a necklace that their father had given her. It was pure gold, bent into the shape of the Earth symbol. Their father had told Mako and Bolin that he had given it to their mother when he was confident that he was going to marry her. Bolin had always been a romantic at heart and couldn’t wait for the day that he could give that necklace to someone. But as he and Mako fell on hard times, they decided to pawn the necklace to get some money for new winter clothes. Bolin had been tasked with taking the necklace to the shop and he had done so with shaking hands and watery eyes.

“Please don’t sell this to anyone else,” He said as he placed the necklace on the counter. “I-I’m gonna come back for it, I promise.” And the owner of the pawn shop took pity on him and decided to keep the necklace in the back room for whenever Bolin had the money to buy it back.

Bolin, with the money he had saved over the past few months, had been able to buy the necklace back just a few days prior. He kept it tucked away in his bedside drawer, eager for his anniversary with (Y/N) so he could give it to her.

But (Y/N) had walked into Bolin’s apartment a couple days later, her cheeks tearstained and her eyes bloodshot. He looked up from teaching Pabu a new trick, his eyes bright with excitement to show her, but his face fell at the sight. “Are you alright?” He asked, and (Y/N) sniffled.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Was what she said, and Bolin couldn’t help but laugh in surprise. This had to be a prank that she was playing. (Y/N) loved telling jokes.

When he saw the serious expression on her face, he felt panic arise in his stomach. “You’re being serious?” He asked, and she nodded her head. “W-what do you mean?” He rushed over to stand in front of her. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because we’re breaking up, Bolin,” She said, and she refused to meet his eyes. “We won’t work. Being with you was fun but I don’t see us going anywhere.”

“(Y/N), I don’t understand,” He could feel the prickling sensation at the back of his eyes. “You’re not making any sense. Come on, let’s talk about this.” He grabbed her hand.

“There’s nothing to talk about!” She insisted, ripping her hand out of his. Bolin’s fingers curled in on themselves, shocked at the absence. She had never reacted that way to him. “We’re breaking up and that’s it! I don’t know what you want from me!”

“I want an explanation! You can’t just come in here and decide that we’re broken up, I-We-I love you, (Y/N). Please.”

She looked up at him for the first time, her eyes boring into his. Her bottom lip quivered. “I don’t love you. There’s your explanation.” She spun on her heel and ran out of the apartment. Bolin was still in the same position when he heard the door shut.

He moved back to the couch to sit, still trying to process what had just happened. Pabu curled himself around his neck, licking at his cheek. It took Bolin a while to realize that Pabu was licking at the tears that were falling, now more rapidly. Once he started crying, Bolin felt like he couldn’t stop. He was still crying when Mako got home and cried as his brother hugged him through the night.

Bolin opened his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest and the familiar tight, anxious feeling that he had had that night in his chest. He hadn’t dreamt about what had happened between him and (Y/N) in over a year. He sat up in bed when he heard a knock at the door.

---

To (Y/N’s) surprise, she heard the click of the door unlocking and then Bolin was standing before her, his bright green eyes staring at her curiously. “Oh, hi!” He said, as if he hadn’t actually been expecting it to be her. “How are you?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing. We haven’t really gotten the chance to talk this week.” She gave him a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, you know me, super busy Bolin.” He looked back at his bare bedroom. “I’ve just been doing, you know, things.”

“Things,” (Y/N) repeated. She might not remember Bolin and his habits, but he was a horrible liar. “Listen, I just wanted to say sorry for everything that happened at dinner earlier this week. I spoke without thinking and I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Bolin said. “Mako kissed you, that’s…that’s no big deal.” (Y/N) furrowed her brows.

“Does Mako know you feel that way?”

“You don’t have to come talk to me on his behalf. Whatever you guys have, I’m cool with it.”

“That wasn’t what I was doing, and Mako and I don’t ‘have’ anything.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her lips pulling down at the edges. “Don’t make assumptions about what’s going on between Mako and I before asking either one of us.”

“I wasn’t trying to make assumptions,” He said. “Listen, if you and Mako want to…y’know, have anything, I don’t want you to think that I’m upset or standing in the way of it. I’m fine, really. I’m over what happened between you and I. I was upset at Mako for not telling me, but I’m fine now.” He moved to shut the door.

“You’re over me,” (Y/N) said, and she felt like an idiot for repeating it but she needed to clarify.

“A thousand percent,” Bolin said with a smile. “From now on, we can be best buds!” With that, he shut the door. (Y/N) stared blankly at the hardwood for a moment, trying to process what had just happened. Bolin was over her. He had said it himself. She supposed she should have figured that. It had apparently been years since they had been together and it was obvious to her that she had hurt him very badly. Bolin deserved this outcome, he deserved to be over her after everything she had put him through. She should be happy for him.

As she walked back to the main part of the ship where the rest of her friends would be, she couldn’t help but comb through every interaction she ever had with Bolin. She had thought that maybe there had been something there. He had made her a favorite food of hers and had offered her a jacket to make sure she wasn’t cold. (Y/N) felt like an idiot. Those were probably just things Bolin did, and she wasn’t aware because she didn’t know him at all.

“(Y/N)!” Korra called, jogging to catch up with her friend. “I’ve been shouting for you to wait for like a whole minute.”

“Sorry,” (Y/N) said. “A lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Well you’re about to have even more on your mind, because I just talked to the captain and he said we’re going to dock in the Southern Water Tribe by nightfall.”

“That’s amazing!” (Y/N) exclaimed. She was going to allow herself to have a moment of excitement. “And then we’ll head into the Spirit World?”

“It’ll be too cold to leave at night. We’re going to stay with my parents and then my dad will help us get there tomorrow.” Korra grinned at (Y/N), her eyes barely visible from how wide her smile was. “I’m so excited for you to see where I’m from.”

“If it created someone like you, I’m sure it’s amazing,” (Y/N) said. Korra looped her arm through (Y/N’s).

“I’ll have to ask Mako and Bolin where your family’s from. I’d love to know if you have a bit of Water Tribe in you.” She poked her side, causing (Y/N) to giggle.

“I can’t wait to have all of the answers back,” (Y/N) said. “Who I am, where I’m from. Do you think my family is still in Republic City? Do I even have a family?” She turned to Korra. “I wonder if they’ll even let me come home.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself. First, we have to figure out how to get your memories back. And then we have to figure out how to get you to stay in Republic City. I kind of like having you around.”

“Really?” (Y/N’s) smile was bright and beaming. She was thankful for Korra. When everything else was so uncertain, at least she had a friend in her from the very start.

“Yeah. There’s no one I know that does as much embarrassing stuff as you.”

---

They docked in the Southern Water Tribe late that night. (Y/N) had put on as many layers of clothing as she could to keep herself warm, but it still didn’t feel like enough. She was shivering as she walked off the boat, which caused Korra to laugh at her. “Not all of us have firebending to keep ourselves warm!” (Y/N) muttered.

Korra’s father was waiting at the end of the dock to take them all back to their home. He introduced himself as Tonraq and he absolutely towered over (Y/N). He looked rather intimidating, but he had a kind smile that (Y/N) appreciated.

“So you’re the young girl that’s been stirring things up in Republic City,” He laughed as he shook (Y/N’s) gloved hand. “Just when I think Korra might take a break, she’s gets herself into another adventure.”

“She’s been such a great friend to me these past few weeks,” (Y/N) said. They rod snowmobiles back to their hut. It was modest in size, but as soon as (Y/N) stepped inside, she felt so at home. A fire radiated in the middle of the room, keeping the entire house warm. Animal furs and pelts decorated the walls, but so did pictures of Korra. From an infant to present, photographs of Korra were placed through the entire house.

“It’s so nice to see all of you again,” Korra’s mom said as she hugged her daughter. “And it’s so nice to meet you!” She pulled (Y/N) into a hug of her own, surprising the girl. When they pulled away, she introduced herself. “I’m Senna. Korra has written us so much about you.”

“Alright,” Korra said with a cough, her face bearing a faint flush. “(Y/N) and Asami will stay in my room with me. Mako and Bolin, you’re going to sleep in the living room if that’s alright.”

“Sounds good to me!” Bolin said, and he started pulling out his sleeping bag to prepare for the night. (Y/N) couldn’t help but look back at him as she was guided into Korra’s bedroom.

It was a small bedroom with a bed pushed against the wall, but two beds had been set up on the floor. Korra’s walls were bare compared to the rest of the house. “I saw those pictures of you as a baby,” (Y/N) said. “You were so adorable!”

“’Were?’” Korra asked, and she, Asami, and (Y/N) laughed.

The three girls began getting ready for bed and each crawled underneath the covers. (Y/N) had opted to leave her jackets on. “I don’t think I have any Water Tribe in me,” She said to Korra. “It’s freezing here.”

“You get used to it eventually,” Asami said. Korra tossed a blanket at (Y/N), which landed on her head.

“Here, have one of mine.”

“Are you sure you won’t need it?”

“Nah, plus I don’t really want to hear Mako complaining in the morning when you’ve turned into an icicle.”

“Have you talked to him at all since…?” Asami asked.

“Since I completely embarrassed myself at dinner the other night? No, I haven’t.” She situated herself in bed and turned over to look at her friends. “Do you think I should? I mean, it is odd that he just kissed me out of nowhere, right?”

“Mako’s not one to hold back when it comes to his feelings,” Korra said, and she and Asami exchanged a knowing smile.

“I just don’t want to complicate things anymore. I talked to Bolin earlier today and he said that he doesn’t care what Mako and I do, because he’s over me. And I know it shouldn’t have, but it still stung.”

“Once we get your memories back, everything will make sense again,” Asami said, reaching underneath the blankets to squeeze (Y/N’s) hand.

“Thanks, guys,” (Y/N) said, closing her eyes to try to get some sleep. She and Asami’s fingertips remained touching throughout the night.

---

In the living room, Mako and Bolin remained wide awake. Both brothers stared at the ceiling, neither sure of what they should do in order to make themselves fall asleep. Mako decided to speak first.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you,” He said in a low whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I kissed (Y/N). I don’t really know what happened. She just got me so angry.” Bolin hummed in acknowledgement, so Mako continued. “If I’m being honest, I did sort of like her when you guys were together.”

Bolin turned on his stomach to face Mako. “Have you liked every girl I’ve been with? First (Y/N), then Korra-!”

“Not every girl,” Mako said. “Just the really smart and pretty ones.” Bolin scoffed, but Mako could still see the hint of a smile on his face. “I don’t want you to think that I was trying to undermine you by kissing her. I really didn’t know what I was doing when I did it and I still don’t know why I did it. I’m glad she hasn’t tried to talk to me about it, because I’m not sure I wouldn’t have had an answer for her.”

“I don’t care that you guys kissed,” Bolin said. “I’ve been over (Y/N) for a while now. I was just bothered that you didn’t tell me about it.” Mako raised an eyebrow.

“You think you’re over (Y/N)?”

“Of course I am. It’s been years-“

“And you look at her like you did the first time. Stop trying to lie to yourself, little bro.” Bolin huffed.

“It doesn’t matter. You remember how things ended.”

“I know, but maybe…maybe we were wrong.”

“Are you actually starting to defend (Y/N)? Old (Y/N), I mean?”

“I’m not defending her! It’s just obvious that we don’t have the whole story. But hopefully we will soon.” Mako slid further underneath his covers. “Just…don’t hold what I did against her.”

Bolin turned on his side, staring at the fire that was now dying out. He didn’t like the way being around (Y/N) made him feel. It scared him, because he had felt those feelings before, and had ended up worse off because of it. But that night, he did drift off thinking of her smile. 

---

Tag List!

FIC TAG LIST:

@ilovespideyyy , @zukostan221 , @nataliahaslosthershit , @dailytrashypanda , @ryleyrooroo , @yuhaino , @hotgirlazula , @writeido , @foenixphire , @bolinmorelikebabe-lin , @pointlesscoconut , @shells-bells-ringding , @hstott , @bombardia , @maruchan77 , @busyforkuvira , @moon-spirit-yue , @idk123906 , @hocus-pocus-i-dont-focus , @simpingforzuko69 , @theloneliestplaytapus

PERM TAGLIST:

@beifongsss , @aroyaldarknessblr , @musicalkeys , @thefandomimagines , @blondie0458 , @kairiririri , @awesomelupe , @zukosvice , @tomshollandz , @lavendercrystals , @astralsaf , @realimbo , @mycollectionofnuts , @wingeddemonclub , @gingersnap126126 , @aangsupremacy , @marvel-ing-at-it-all , @davnwillcome , @someoneovertherainboww , @bigbuckyenergy , @breadqueen95 , @buttholland , @noodlesfluffy , @busyforkuvira , @error-loading-sorry , @bombardia , @la3divine , @just-a-teal-android , @theeavtrkyoshi , @brokennerdalert , @sukifans

[the-night-moves-writing]

Hostage

Demon dean Winchester X Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: What happens when deanmon thinks the reader has left to find him while arguing with Sam

Warnings: General angst, sexy demon dean (yes he needs a warning)

Characters: Past Dean x Reader, (Platonic) Sam x Reader, Deanmon x reader

Word count: 1296

A/N: If you wanna part two let me know, i kinda tried to leave the ending open in case i wanted to come back but for now its a one shot.

There I was walking down the road, I left everything behind me I just hope I can move on from this from all the lies and deceit, I shivered from the cold and I wish I would have brought a jacket, but the little time I had to pack what little I could, I simply forgot. I keep walking. I have to. I don't know where I'm going but I know it can't be here no matter where. It begins to rain. I get colder.

I need to get out of this rain and somewhere warm so I don't get hypothermia. I wish things could have been different but I don't think it could be suddenly my thoughts break And I hear it the rumble of his car a 67 Chevy impala in the rain I turn around and confirm my suspicions it's him. Dean pulls up next to me “get in” he says “no” is the only reply i have to offer. “come on sweetheart you're gonna catch a cold”  i don't say anything instead i just keep walking. He keeps coming closer to the side of the road where I am and suddenly I stop.

I contemplate running off into the woods on my right but i know that even if i ran i wouldn't make it very far. All of a sudden I heard his car door open and in that moment I knew I would remember this night for the rest of my life. Dean walked around the car and I knew it was now or never so I took off right into the woods. I could hear his boot clad feet following after me as I ran. Trying my best to weave through the trees and not trip over the things that littered the ground. I could hear him though that's what terrified me the most.

Dean knew me, he watched me for days maybe even weeks and I had no idea. That only meant I had no idea what he remembered about my habits, pet peeves, favorite things. Lost in thought I trip, falling seemed to take forever, when I got back up I could still hear him behind me watching me fall. I had to get back up; it was my only hope of survival. So I did noting that he was closer than before, and he seemed to know these woods. I got up and continued to run as fast as I could. The only thing I knew was getting away from him.

As my fight or flight kicked in I, still running, concocted a plan to turn around using a tree as coverage to get back to where I knew he left his car. I turned around using the tree’s to hide my body from being seen. I saw him continue to run in the opposite direction and took that as my cue to leave. I started to run back to his car, back to where I knew was safe.  

As I drew near the car I heard a twig behind me snap. I picked up the pace, just a little. I continued to run as fast as I could, knowing he was still out there. I finally made it back to his car, and picked my bag up off of the ground and got in. The keys were still in the ignition. I started the car and the passenger door opened. “Hey, there sweetheart, took a bit of convincing, but at least you're not outside anymore.” I stopped the car, hoping to be able to outrun him again, until he grabbed my arm. “We are going home now,” he said violently.

I knew there was nothing left for me to do. I was stuck there in that car with him. The man who haunted my dreams and stood outside my windows. He instructed me to re-start the car and drive, giving me directions along the way. It was like he was taunting me, making sure I knew where I was and knew I was powerless to do anything about it.

I was scared, he sat too close and moved with purpose as he went through my bag and through my phone out the window. “We can't have you calling anyone especially Sammy now can we sweetheart” he taunted with a smirk. He then reached for the radio and turned it on. It played some old rock song, the music blaring through the car taking over my senses. I could smell him from how close he was sitting in the car, he smelled of leather, gunpowder and cinnamon. Something that would have smelled good if it weren't for my current situation.

Finally he told me to stop in a neighborhood. As I turned and reached for the door, that's when it all went black. That's when I started thinking he's going to kill me. Torture me maybe, I had no idea where Dean was taking me. Who was he with where were we going. Everything went dark.

A million questions were in my head as I woke up tied to a chair.A motel, that’s where he took me. A dingy motel room that smelled of BO, smoke and piss. I open my eyes to see Dean talking to Crowley. Crowley seemed to notice me first. “Ah, good morning darling, your little boy toy here needs your help.”. I looked over at Dean who was now a demon, what could he want from me? “See his problem has been that brother of his” Crowley spoke. But your eyes were still locked with Dean. Dean finally stepped forward and crouched to be eye level with you. “I have some big plans sweetheart, it can be like old times just you and me against the world.” Dean spoke calmly. He brought a hand up to brush the hair away from your face.

In that moment it did feel like us against the world again. But that moment broke and I realized that my Dean was nowhere to be found, only the demon. I yanked my face out of his grasp upon this realization. He stood up angry before hitting me. Crowley spoke up before he could do it again. “Now squirrel it’s not nice to hit your girlfriend, and i’m pretty sure it’s illegal in this country.” He spoke calmly as to not anger Dean more.  Dean turned around to face Crowley “She’s being difficult she hasn’t said anything and has been disrespectful to the kindness I’ve shown her” Dean said. “What do you need me for?” Iasked quietly “Sweetheart your gonna be the thing that keeps Sammy from looking for me. See if I have you, in an attempt to protect you Sammy will keep away. Then you and I, we can have the life you always dreamed of.” Dean said “This would be perfect if I didn’t already have the life I wanted Dean. I had everything you, me, and Sammy. When it was all of us in the bunker I had everything I ever needed of wanted, and it was taken from me when you turned into a demon.” I said. Dean looked angry and Crowley looked surprised. “There is one more thing Dean i’ve been helping Sam, we figured out you didn’t go far so you could get me for collateral, Sam never kicked me out but the thing is we expected for me to get farther than I did, but good thing we thought of that too because you just trapped yourself.” I said, right then Sam burst through the door and fought Dean down to the ground where he was handcuffed. Crowley who was helping us disappeared from the room. “Dean you were right I’m about to get the life I always wanted again.” I said.