#i’m glad he canonically goes to therapy

[fruitcoops]

In the Beginning

Going back to my roots this year with some pre-Coops PT fluff :) This is definitely going to turn into a short series (with exceptions for Leo's birthday, of course) and I'm really excited about it! Hoping for some more time to create this spring <3 Character credit goes to @lumosinlove

TW canon injury (Sirius' ankle)

“Sirius.” Despite the whiteboard with his name scrawled next to 11:00, Remus still managed to sound pleasantly surprised. “Hi, how are you?”

“Fine.”

God, he sounded like an asshole. Remus’ smile didn’t falter. “Glad to hear it. Come on in, take a seat wherever.”

Was this it? The first test? Sirius glanced between the chair by Remus’ desk and the exam table. Hell, maybe he was supposed to sit on the stool. Was he? Was that a ‘Remus spot’ everyone else was smart enough to not even consider?

He picked the chair. Lowered himself gingerly to the cushioned seat, crutches propped on the armrest next to him. A spot on his ankle itched under the Velcro of his stiff boot.

“Thanks for making the time today,” Remus continued, as if Sirius had been any sort of friendly or welcoming. “I really appreciate it. This’ll be quick and easy—just a check-in, figuring out what’s going on and where we want to be. Sound okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Sick.” Remus dug around behind his desk for a moment; Sirius could hear papers riffling. Remus’ brow furrowed for a second before relaxing with satisfaction as he pulled a sheet free. “Alright. Sirius Black, meet your new best friend.”

Sirius blinked. “You?”

“Ha! No, I think Pots still has me beat,” Remus laughed, sliding a clipboard across the desk. He pulled his own chair around as well, even though Sirius could see him fold his knees out of the way of the desk. It couldn’t be comfortable. “I don’t like sitting back there when you guys are in here,” Remus said, as if he could read Sirius’ mind. The side of his nose scrunched. “Feels…bossy? I dunno. Can’t really write upside-down, either.”

“Ah. Ouais.”

“But that’s—” Remus waved a vague hand and picked a pen from the broken-handled mug tucked by his computer. “It’s not important. This, on the other hand, is your two-week chart. Decorate it, marry it, I don’t care. As long as you know it’s yours and can find it in that—” He pointed to a wire bin by the door. “—box. Capische?”

Sirius shrugged one shoulder and readjusted his ankle under the table. “Sure.”

“Shweet. There are some forms under the top sheet, if you can fill those out for me real quick.”

Remus stood as Sirius bent his head to write; he puttered in Sirius’ periphery, collecting tape and bandages and a handful of other things from the drawers lining the walls before moving to the exam table behind him. Something spritzed, filling the air with the faint scent of lemon. When he glanced back, Remus was wiping down the exam table with a washcloth.

The table. Of course. He should’ve known. “Do you want me to move?”

“You can if you like.” A lopsided smile found him over Remus’ shoulder. “I’m just cleaning, though. Take your time.”

Feels like I’m taking nothing but time, he thought with no small amount of bitterness. At least Remus meant well. Arthur kept telling him he could have all the recovery time he needed, but Sirius could tell he was getting impatient. He hadn’t even been allowed to think about physical therapy before the six-week mark was up. On some teams, that was long enough to justify rumors of a trade.

Ink smeared under the side of his hand. Sirius cursed under his breath and licked his thumb to smudge it off, but only succeeded in blurring it more. He gave up and scribbled it out, leaving the check mark next to the box instead. Remus’ handwriting was at the top of the page. Sirius Black, printed with a gentle slant to the right. Numbers looped, their tails snagging into one another. Sirius had never met someone who wrote their ‘2’s that way.

“Done?”

He jumped.

“Ope, sorry,” Remus half-laughed as he rolled behind his desk again. The wheels of his chair squeaked. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

Sirius shook his head. “You’re fine. And ouais, here.”

“Thanks.” Remus flipped through the clipboard with easy neutrality. Sirius had expected him to take this a little more…well, seriously. “Looks good. Like I said before, today is just getting the boring stuff out of the way. Forms, building your exercise plan, making sure you don’t run screaming from the room.”

Sirius frowned. “Why would I do that?”

“Hopefully, you won’t.” Remus gave him a look—a joke, he realized a second too late.

“Oh—yes, no, not at all.” Great recovery. It took everything he had not to roll his eyes at himself.

Again, Remus seemed unaffected by his awkwardness. Did he just not see it? Did he think Sirius was playing along? But Remus was always like that, with every one of them. Unflappable and infallible. The world was smooth and calm for him, like a lake on a windless day in the dead of summer. He was wearing a shirt of the same blue-gray as the pond in the park by Sirius’ house.

“How’s your ankle feeling today?”

Get out of your head. “It’s…fine.”

The side of Remus’ mouth pulled up. “Gotta give me something to work with here, Cap.”

“A little sore?”

The light caught his sandy hair as he tipped his head back and forth. “Sore how?”

“Just…” Sirius shrugged. “Sore. Like normal.”

“Stabby? Dull? Lightning-y? Can you feel your heartbeat in it?”

“Um.” The cool air of the PT room siphoned into the small gaps of his boot when he wiggled his toes. “Mostly dull. Sharper when I take the cast off.”

Remus nodded. “You haven’t been putting weight on it?”

“Non.”

“Good. That sounds about right for this point of recovery. Is it an ‘all the time’ kind of pain, or just when you do certain things?”

This was a lot more talking than Sirius had anticipated. He had assumed Remus would sit him on the exam table, poke around, and then send him off with some ice packs and stretches. More time, he said when Sirius had imagined it. You just have to give it another week or two, and you’ll be fine. A hopeful part of him figured they’d let him back on the ice as soon as the bone was healed.

“It’s sore a lot,” Sirius admitted. “The dull kind. It gets worse when I move around, I guess.”

“Even with crutches?”

“Ouais.”

“Do you sleep with it on?”

“…my crutches?”

“The boot,” Remus snorted, though it wasn’t mean. He was rocking slightly in his chair, back and forth. Sirius could see the armrests turn with each light push of his foot behind the desk. The tense thing in his belly eased. If Remus was this casual, maybe he was allowed to take some deeper breaths.

“They gave me a different one for the night,” he said. “It’s softer.”

“Are you more of a back sleeper, side sleeper…?” Remus trailed off, gaze darting across Sirius’ face, and gave a sheepish grin. “That sounds super invasive, wow, sorry. I promise I’m just trying to figure out if you’re sleeping on it weird.”

Sirius tried to school his expression. He didn’t want to know what face he had been making at Remus’ question—they knew each other well enough to not fix him with a media glare. “Uh, my back,” he answered. “Usually. The doctors said to put it up on a pillow until it healed.”

“Cool, cool, sounds good.” Remus nodded again, then drummed his hands on his thighs. “Alright. Those are all the questions I have. Any on your end? Concerns, preferences…?”

How fast can you get me out there? Something told him Remus wouldn’t have an answer he’d like. “No, I’m good.”

Remus had a dimple on his left cheek. It made a divot with his small smile. “Great. Ready to hop on the table so I can take a look?”

It took a moment for Sirius to get to his feet; he reached for his crutches, only to find Remus already holding them steady for him. He hobble-hopped the five or so feet from the desk to the exam table; six and a half weeks in, and the crutches still did their best to stymie him at every turn. Horrible fucking things. His underarms were rubbed raw after fifteen minutes. Clunky and awkward and—

“Hold on.”

Sirius paused.

Remus was frowning at his leg. “Those don’t look right.”

“Quoi?”

“You’re…what, six-three?”

“About.”

“Sit, sit.” Remus ushered him to the edge of the table, but took the crutches as soon as Sirius perched himself on the cushions. He pressed a small button near the base; aluminum squeaked as the foot shortened by a few notches. “That’s better,” Remus muttered, almost to himself. “These pads are all worn out, too. Did they give you towels?”

What the fuck? “Uh, no?”

A disgruntled exhale made Remus’ nostrils flare. He leaned the crutches against the wall with a similarly irritated tilt to his mouth. “Remind me to give you some before you go, or the tops are going to wear the hell out of your armpits. I reset the height, too. They were two inches too tall.”

“Oh,” Sirius said helpfully.

“It’s not, like, a huge deal or anything, but it’s uncomfortable.” Remus cocked his head. He regarding Sirius with a critical, but not harsh, eye. “Has your back been hurting?”

Sirius shifted in his seat. “…yes.”

“That’s probably from the height issue.” Remus’ nose twitched with clear displeasure. A pen turned between his fingers, glimmering in the pale light. Sirius hadn’t noticed the bandaid on his knuckle before. The pen stilled with a sigh, then vanished into Remus’ pocket. “Sorry, I just—Moody and I have been trying to get the guys to come in here sooner, because of shit like this. Crutches at the wrong height, no towels, not knowing you’re allowed to wash braces. You’re already uncomfortable, you know? No need to make it worse.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh, god, it’s not your fault,” Remus said immediately, pumping hand sanitizer into his palm. “Just sucks that we have to ask permission. It’s not like we’re going to do anything stupid while bones are still healing.”

Sirius swung his legs up on the table while Remus rolled a stool across the speckled linoleum; his ankle twinged, but he managed to keep his wince light.

It was no use. “What was that?”

“Hmm?”

“Face.” Remus pointed at him, arching a brow. “You’re in my rink now, bud. You made a face. You can either lie about it, or get out of here on time.”

Perhaps Sirius had been a bit overconfident in how well he could hide pain. “Just sore when I lift it.”

“Where?”

“Uh. My ankle.”

“Right, I—” Remus broke off with a short laugh. “Sorry. Is there pain in other places when you lift it?”

He let Remus wave him further onto the table before answering. “I can feel it in my calf and foot. A little into my knee.”

The plastic was sticky from cleaning solution, but the cushions were perfectly firm on his lower back. He let his head rest back against the wall with a slow breath and wiggled his toes again. It was nice, being able to do that without lancing pain. Remus tapped his thumb against the edge of the table a few times before moving to stand by Sirius’ feet. “Can I take your shoe off, or do you want to?”

“Oh. Um…” He sat up further, but his fingers just barely brushed the hem of his pants. With a grind of his back teeth and a quick flash of pain, he bent his opposite knee and pulled the shoelace free. His ankle began throbbing faintly as he nudged the shoe off—sock too, thanks—and a puff of air slipped out when he finally leaned back.

Remus was watching him with a sad sort of wariness. “Can I make a request?”

You could ask me to do literally anything. “Yeah, sure.”

“Please don’t ever do that again.”

If he didn’t look so sympathetic, Sirius would have bristled. “What?”

“That—” Remus gestured at him. “Looked painful as fuck. This is an anti-pain establishment. If you think something’s going to hurt, we’ll work around it. No judgement.”

The thing was, Sirius hadn’t actually done this before. He knew where the ice packs were kept, and that the big steel container in the corner held heat pads in boiling water. He knew where the support bandages were, where Remus kept extra stick tape, and that the set of small drawers next to the desk would each be labeled with the name of a teammate so they could find specific gear. Remus had given him stretches for his sore back and arms and legs and whatever, but this—the shoes, the touching, the gentleness—there was no rulebook. No captain’s log to rattle through when he needed guidance.

“Okay,” he finally said. “That’s cool.”

“Cool.” Remus gave him that half-smile again. “Can I take your boot off?”

“Ouais.”

Remus was a lot nicer to the Velcro than he was. The rip was quieter than Sirius thought it could be, peeled off by practiced hands. He felt the pressure on his skin release immediately and took a breath at the tender feeling. Not pain, but something close. It made his heart spike every time. “Hurting?”

“Non.”

“You sure?”

“Just—makes me nervous.”

“Makes sense,” Remus agreed. “You’ve had it all wrapped up. Feels safer in there, right?”

Right. Exactly right. Something tightened in the center of his chest. “Yeah,” he said. “Something like that.”

Remus nodded. “Is it okay if I take it the rest of the way off? I can do most of the exam like this if that’s better.”

“You’re asking me a lot of questions.” He tried to sound wry. He wasn’t sure it came out that way.

“Lot of people don’t like touching,” Remus answered easily. He hadn’t moved to touch the boot again, hands flat to the maroon plastic covering the table. “I’d rather you tell me to step off now than make something hurt more.” He gave Sirius an apologetic sort of grin. “Plus, you’re probably sick of people grabbing at you. Don’t really want to be one of them.”

Sirius was sick of it. Hands and fingers and grasping through slivers in plexiglass while he was trying to move, goddamnit, when he just wanted to go back down the tunnel and finally be able to catch his breath. People grabbing him on the ice, pushing. Snape’s body against his own—a shoulder in his sternum. Fingers digging into his skin. A tight grip on the back of his neck.

“You can take it off.”

Remus had a crooked canine tooth. Had he noticed that before? “Thanks.”

Sirius’ fists clenched at the touch of warm hands on his heel and calf. It was…fucking strange, but not painful. Not unpleasant, either. Remus had calluses in the bends of his knuckles and on his palm when he carefully transferred Sirius’ foot to one hand and set the boot up by his hip.

“I’m sweaty,” he blurted. “Sorry.”

Embarrassment flooded him before Remus laughed. “Dude, you have no idea how nasty your boys are when they roll up here. Did you know I had to send a reminder to shower before seeing me? And to wear clean clothes?”

Sirius wrinkled his nose. “Ugh.”

“They don’t cut their toenails, either.” Remus’ eyes flicked up to his face, bright and teasing. “I’m not telling you who, but if you can throw a little captain-y weight around…”

“I’ll try.” It almost came out a laugh. Surprise tingled in his lungs. “But seriously, you don’t need me. They listen to you like gospel.”

“Oh, please.”

“They do,” he insisted. Remus rolled his eyes. “Non, non, I’m serious—”

“Yes, I know.”

“—fuck off—you could tell them to brush their teeth four times a day and they’d be at it. They listen to you more than me.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Remus informed him. “And I also think you’re healing really well.”

“I—what?” Sirius looked down; his ankle was back on the cushion, cradled lightly between Remus’ palms. It jolted something in him. Had his skin always been that pale? He could see the line where the boot ended halfway up his calf. His foot looked ghostly in the light and everything else looked…thin. Skin and muscle, even bone.

He propped himself up on the heels of his hands. The angry, puckered scar from surgery had faded to a narrow line. When had that happened? Surely not overnight. It had looked so ugly in the shower yesterday, which was exactly why he tended to avoid looking at it. He glanced up at Remus’ patient face. Was he grossed out? That wasn’t how Sirius’ ankle was supposed to look. The knobbly bones on either side were practically gray in comparison; they stuck out, as if someone had stuck two marbles under his skin. His stomach turned.

“Sirius?”

He hummed.

“You okay?”

The joking tone had gone from Remus’ voice. The pit of Sirius’ stomach was heavy. His ankle looked weak; his calf, skinny all the way to the weird lump of his knee. “Mhm.”

“We can be done.” Slight movement caught his attention as Remus ducked to catch his eye. There was the solemnity he had expected. It was odd to see it now. “Any time. Just say the word.”

“The exam?”

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do.” Firmness had never sounded so kind. “These first steps are visual, anyway.”

Am I done? Sirius looked back at his foot, the strangeness of it, the sickly mirror of his healthy one. “Keep going.”

“Are you—”

“I’m okay.” He mustered a deep breath. “I’m good. Keep going.”

“Okay,” Remus said quietly.

They sat in relative silence, but it wasn’t bad. Sirius was glad for a break. It was easier to watch Remus work than hold a conversation. The tenderness faded somewhat under the gentle touches of Remus’ fingertips—a tap here and there, faint pressure in the soft spots. Murmurs of feeling alright? and tell me if this hurts filled the buzzing static in Sirius’ ears.

“Ow.”

“Here?” Remus’ first two fingers hovered at the arch of his foot. Sirius nodded. “Cool, thanks. Your swelling isn’t too bad. I think I’m going to hold off on big exercises until Monday, okay?”

Disappointment, bitter and tacky as molasses. “Yeah.” He couldn’t keep the sigh out of his voice.

“We’ll get there.” When he remained silent, Remus poked the peak of his kneecap. “Hey. We’ll get there, I promise. I want you to work on the rest of your flexibility this week. Keep the boot on, but stretch out your legs and back. Your other muscles have been compensating for this and I don’t want anything to get strained.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to do everything I can to get you back on the ice.” Sirius could hear the but in his voice before he even finished speaking. “But I won’t rush through this and throw you out there just to get hurt again.”

Hurt again. Pain, cold and consuming, flashed in his memory. “Okay.”

“If anyone gives you shit, I want you to throw me under the bus, alright?” The last strap of Velcro fell into place. Remus was even careful with that part. The pressure on his skin was familiar and welcome. He felt a light pat to the table. “Tell them it’s all my fault. That I’m being overcautious and mean and keeping you here, whatever. If the coaches have a problem with your care, they can talk to me and Moody about it. Not you.”

“Okay.”

Remus let him get up unhindered. That was nice. Sirius was pretty sure he’d lose his mind at one more helping hand. He waddled back to the desk chair at an incline of Remus’ chin and was once again relegated to watching while Remus taped some small, folded towels to the tops of his crutches before joining him by the desk.

“You did great.”

Wasn’t that a thing to imagine. Could barely get my shoe off, but alright. “Merci.”

“It’s hard to get people to come in here and actually want to get better.” Remus scribbled a few things on the chart. His forehead crinkled in the middle with concentration. “Lotta guys think they’re fine as soon as the doctors’ visits end. But this is the part that’ll make a difference in the long run.”

The chart slid across the table, followed by a smaller, far more sparkly sheet. A smile pulled at Sirius’ mouth in spite of himself. “Gold stars?”

“Very serious stamps of completion, actually.” The corners of Remus’ mouth were tight with restrained amusement. He couldn’t keep the laughter out of his eyes. “You can pick a different theme if you want. Talkie’s got Lisa Frank, which was kind of a power move.”

Sirius snorted—it was over from there. It took a minute for them to collect themselves, and as much as he hated to admit it, he did feel better after peeling a star from the sheet and sticking it in the first box. “Regarde,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Success.”

“Perfect.” Laughter still lingered in Remus’ voice. It was a nice sound. It was nicer when he looked up and smiled, like Sirius had put one of those heating pads right in the valley of his ribs. “Alright, well, that’s all I need. We can do the same time tomorrow, or you can check out the schedule. We technically have office hours, but you can shoot me a text if we need to find a different one. Number’s on the board. Make sure you give your name in the first message.”

“Okay.” Those ‘2’s again, in green marker this time. That weird feeling in his chest was softening. “Yeah, okay. I think tomorrow works for me.”

“Awesome, see you then.”

“Awesome.” Why can’t I talk? Sirius stood and took his crutches back with a slight stumble. He hoped it passed off as broken-ankle unsteadiness, not—whatever else was going on. He breathed an audible sigh of relief when the tops didn’t immediately begin to chafe his inner arms. “Oh, wow, thanks. This is great.”

“Yeah?” He could hear Remus’ smile before he even turned. He looked pleased, fiddling with the edge of Sirius’ chart. “I’m glad. Sucks to not have what you need, and not even know it.”

“Lucky we’ve got you then, eh?”

Remus’ cheeks flushed. It was rather warm in the room. “Nah. I’m the lucky one. Best job in the world.”

“Got you beat, there.”

Another laugh made Sirius’ chest squeeze pleasantly. It was good to see Remus happy, with all he did for them. “Guess you do,” Remus admitted, then shooed at him with the chart. “Get outta here, your boys are waiting. And check the box by the door for this when you come in tomorrow, got it?”

“Très bien, Loops.”

Maybe it was the adjustments to his crutches, or the promise of something like progress on the horizon, but Sirius didn’t feel quite so awful as he made his way down the hall. He almost felt good, actually. Almost hopeful.

[spnjediavenger]

It Won't Last Forever (Chapter 3)

Title: It Won’t Last Forever (Chapter 3)

Type: multi-chapter; father!Hotch x teen!daughter!reader, some bau x teen!reader (platonic!)

Warnings: canon-typical Criminal Minds sadness 

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions PTSD

Spoilers: S5 SPOILERS

Notes: The PTSD description is a mix of my own experience and some I read online - this is not how ALL PTSD is experienced.

The Container Exercise is a real thing, one of my past therapists actually walked me through it and i love it

EMDR is an actual method of therapy and it works for some and not for others, it's also very dependent on person and situation; this is taken from my own experience and doesn’t reflect everyone’s

As always, love and/or constructive/friendly criticism is welcome and encouraged!

Word count: 814 (shorter, transition chapter)

“It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.” Dalai Lama

When Hotch informed Rossi that Y/n had finally agreed to therapy, the older man told him that he had an old friend who was a licensed therapist and specialized in PTSD. Hotch was grateful for the suggestion. He decided to bring Y/n to work with him so he and Rossi could talk to her about it together. 

When they got to the BAU, everyone greeted her, glad she wasn’t as emotionless as the last visit. Hotch then brought her up to his office, keeping the door open. 

Y/n pulled some homework out of her bag as her dad began to work at his desk. A light knock came to the door about 30 minutes later, making both Hotchners turn their heads up. 

“Hey, Dave,” the older Hotchner greeted and waved him in. 

Rossi walked in and patted Y/n’s head, making the girl smile a bit. He sat in the chair next to her. 

“What’s going on?” Y/n asked, looking from Rossi to her dad. 

“Y/n, I know you’re hesitant about starting therapy. But when I mentioned to Dave that you agreed to it, he mentioned he knows someone that might be a good choice.”

“Dr. Warner is a friend of mine, very good in her field. She specializes in kids dealing with PTSD. We figured you might feel a little better if you’re talking with someone one of us knows.”

Y/n thought it over for a second, gave a half smile, and nodded a bit. “That sounds good. Could you…could you be there too, Dave? For the first time at least?” she asked. 

The older man smiled warmly and put an affectionate hand on her cheek. “Of course, bambina.”

Y/n giggled a bit and smiled at the italian nickname only Rossi used for her. “We’ll get you better, kiddo.”

Y/n put her hand on his and smiled. “Thank you.”

Y/n sat in a small waiting area with her dad and Rossi. Her leg bounced up and down wildly as her eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to focus on. She only stilled her leg when her dad put his hand on her knee, catching her attention. Her movement had stopped and she turned to look at him. 

“Y/n, it’ll be alright. Dave said Dr. Warner is a nice woman. And therapy goes at your own pace and comfort level. You’ll be just fine. Ok?” Hotch held his palm up and Y/n accepted his hand. 

“Ok,” she sighed. 

“Y/n Hotchner?” a voice called from the other side of the room. 

Hotch ran a comforting hand over her back as she took a shuddery breath and they walked over with Rossi in tow. 

The woman led them into a room and shut the door behind everyone. She held her hand out to Y/n first and introduced herself, “I’m Dr. Warner, but you can call me Peggy.” She shook each person’s hand and gave Rossi a small hug as well. 

“Thanks for doing this, Peg,” he said warmly. 

“Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, Dave. Please, everyone, take a seat anywhere.”

Y/n sat on the couch across from Dr. Warner’s chair and had her dad and Rossi sit on either side of her. 

The session started simply with Dr. Warner explaining to them how things would go and taught Y/n a tool for when she was between sessions. 

“This is called the Container Exercise,” she explained. “I want you to close your eyes and picture a container. It can be any kind you want. A box, a jar, anything. Think of the shape of it, the color, if there are any designs on it. Do you see it? Now, any time bad memories or feelings come up between our sessions, or you aren’t in a place where you can properly handle them, I want you to imagine putting those memories and feelings inside your container and sealing it until we can talk about them. You can open your eyes now.”

The rest of the session went by rather smoothly as well. They didn’t get too far into specifics about Y/n’s trauma since it was the first session, but Dr. Warner got the basics of what they would be working on. Upon understanding these things, the doctor recommended a technique called “EMDR” which both Hotchners agreed to start for Y/n at the next session. 

When the group left, Hotch kissed Y/n’s head before she got into the car. “I’m proud of you, sweety.”

The girl smiled and hugged him. “Thanks, daddy.”

She was on the road to recovery.

“You survived the trauma. Now, you’ll survive the recovery.” Unknown.

[torchickentacos]

Sad that we don’t see as much Zuki activity on tumblr as we used to but that’s how the whole atla fandom has been lately. I’m glad you ship them tho!

Do you have any spicy Zuki headcanons you’d like to share? 👀 If not that’s fine! Just curious.

Hi anon! God, I haven't been in the ATLA fandom for a long while now, goes to show how dead the zuki fandom is if you're coming to me for it 😭😭😭Rarepair so rare you have to go to an entirely different fandom's blog for your ship. Sad. BUT I APPRECIATE YOU COMING TO ME SO MUCH!!! I am a pokeani blog in spirit but a whateverthefuck/multipurpose blog in practice. I will say though, spicy headcanons are kinda far out of my wheelhouse, and also that fandom's age-up discourse (and everything else discourse) terrifies me so I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole tbh, BUT I can always give other stuff! Ramble under cut.

So, I think I'll just ramble instead of spicy headcanons- one INCREDIBLY FUNNY aspect of Zuki to me is that, in the comics, Suki's kind of giving 'I can fix him', ngl. BUT SHE ACTUALLY CAN, THAT'S THE THING. It's so interesting to me because canon Zuki in the comics is very much founded on that bodyguard/royalty dynamic trust- they have to trust each other with their life if they're going to do the whole bodyguard thing well. And from that trust comes Suki's trust in Zuko as a PERSON. Even when LTIERALLY THE ENTIRE GAANG is like 'ehhh idk he kinda sucks again', Suki's the one who's like 'can you guys chill for .5 seconds and trust him? look at him. he's sad. he needs therapy, not to be killed'.

I think Zuki just WORKS because of that trust. And FROM THAT TRUST, she actually is one of the key reasons they're able to help bring him back from the path he goes down in the comics (which i have not read in forever so pardon innacuracies). So, SHE ACTUALLY CAN FIX HIM. /half joking because obviously it was a ton of his own internal work and growth, but like, from a shitposter's perspective, #icanfixhim.

And that trust goes the other way around the entire way. Not only in Zuko trusting the kyoshi warriors to keep him alive, but Zuko also actually TALKS to Suki and opens up to her in the comics. ZUKO. OPENS UP. TO SOMEONE. AND TALKS TO THEM. AND COMMUNICATES. TO THEM. obviously he trusts her as a bodyguard and a friend IMMENSELY, which provides that super good foundation for something more. He feels safe around her, physically and emotionally, which I think is an incredibly rare honor. (lol, honor. zuko. ykwim. )

I just like bodyguard royalty ships tbh, I'm also a zelink hoe (my main three ships have always been zuki/zelink/contestshipping. not sure what that says about me tbh, other than 'likes m/f but undeniably bisexual ships'), but like, despite being a rarepair, the comics gave us a GOOD DAMN BASIS FOR IT!!!! IT'S ABOUT THE TRUST! THE VULNERABILITY!!!! ramble over, ty for listening to my ted talk.

[lightning-writes]

good heart (faulty machine of a man) - 12/30

fic summary: bucky meets someone at therapy

chapter summary: is this what hope feels like?

word count: 566 (a little baby chapter bc it's a part 1)

tags: post endgame, pre tfatws, hurt/comfort, slow burn, canon divergent, canon compliant, au

warnings: none

a/n:

AO3 / MASTERLIST / X

November 11 (Part 1)

“Okay, man, who’s the girl?”

Bucky nearly startles his phone out of his hand. 

(Rue had texted him, asking him to ‘save her from the throes of capitalism’, and Bucky couldn’t help but smirk at how dramatic she was.)

Sam glances over with a knowing look, feigning a grab for the phone. Bucky quickly tucks it away as Sam laughs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude, you’ve been staring at your phone for the past twenty minutes,” Sam scoffs, keeping his eyes on the road, “and even though I know you have a staring problem, it’s usually reserved for people you hate.”

Bucky hits him with a long glare, punctuating his point.

“Exactly.” Sam is unfazed. “What’s her name? How did you meet?”

(The car feels smaller, the car ride to the VA feeling like a long, laborious trek.)

Bucky wants to hold this information close to the vest. He nearly feels like Sam cannot be trusted with this information. But it’s Raynor’s stupid voice, echoing in his eyes, let people in, trust people, this is healing, that prompts him to tell.

Bucky gives Sam some key details - he met Rue at therapy, yes he goes to therapy as a condition of his pardon, no they aren’t dating, it’s not like that, they just started talking… Now, they are texting. Bucky doesn’t go into how patient she is with his questions or how she laughs with her whole face or how sharp she is in a conversation, witty remark after the next.

(He definitely doesn’t tell Sam how pretty she always looks, even when she hasn’t done her makeup. Or how more attractive her tattoos make her look or how thick her ass looks in her jeans. He doesn’t tell Sam that Fridays are the highlight of his week because of her or that, when he’s trying to fall asleep, he imagines the two of them together in more ways than one…) 

Sam parks the car in the lot and claps a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky allows it.

“If there’s anyone who deserves a break and a nice girl, it’s you, Buck. I’m glad you met her.”

(He’s glad, too. More than.)

////

Bucky used to go to VA events with Steve - for memorial day, veteran’s day, Thanksgiving, even Christmas - but no one really knew who he was. He was just Captain America’s good pal. And, now, with Sam as the Steve-appointed Captain America, Bucky expected it to be no different.

Sam has other plans.

Sam introduces Bucky to the veterans with a proud speech. Using words like brave, valiant, persevering. He says Bucky defied all odds, accepted help from his brother in arms, and understood his limits. Hearing Sam say these things makes his chest hurt - not just because of the memories but because of the embedded truth he hadn’t noticed before.

He sees some of the older veterans in the back sneer and look away. They are disgusted by this Hydra killing machine. Bucky understood that, deeply and intimately. If he could extract the part of him that brutally assassinated countless people, he would have.

But the others, the younger vets and handful of progressive older men, really looked at him. With hope. It’s something he barely remembers having, in others or in himself, even before Hydra, the Serum, or the arm.

(And it gives him a healthy dose of hope too.)

[reiayanamiisbestgirl]

im sure I’ve already told you but no worries I’m glad to tell again so

the au takes place after lamentations because in lamentations fayrouz realizes she’s fucked up bad.

Now here starts the au. Nothing after this poinis canon. I’m not part of Team 6x111. And this AU is open for feedback! I have it under this keep reading line cuz it gets longggg

In the au she’s worried about many things, like how she can fix her mistakes to try to lure her kids back or keep more kids from running away in the future, what would happen to her rep, how she could lie her way out of the situation for publicity, ect. So she goes to get help and in her own therapy journey with a human therapist she drafts a plan to improve and follows it pretty strictly. She also emails a well written and sincere apology to Rafid with no intent of him forgiving her. She also becomes an alcoholic.

Mariyam, on their quantum travels with Tamari, think that Fayrouz would have been forced to get better now that she’s left all alone. Tamari is less enthusiastic about going back to their original Fayrouz because he thinks that she hasn’t gotten better. The two robots end up wandering back just to check for Mariyam’s sake, and are pleasantly surprised that Fayrouz has improved a bit as a person and Fayrouz is overjoyed that Tamari and Mariyam have come back. Tamari and Mariyam are not pleasantly surprised to learn their mom is an alcoholic. Fayrouz still doesn’t really see her bots as her kids but sees them more as employees, which is probably at least better than being treated as a computer, and treats them as such. She also tells them the truth about her and Rafid. The 3 also go on short family bonding trips, it would do good for her reputation to show she cares about the TA-Ms.

Now somehow Tamari and Mariyam meet up with Rafid since from their mom’s new description of him, Tamari thinks he would be pretty cool and would like to chat about old and obscure video games with him and Mariyam is just being dragged along. Tamari thinks it would be awesome to have a dad as well as a mom, and tells Rafid all about how Fayrouz has improved. Mariyam kinda just browses pictures of turtles and rocks the whole visit. Rafid is sent another email by Fayrouz, her offering her TA-M therapy services to him for free, which he take.

Eventually, and somehow, Rafid forgives Fayrouz. Fayrouz(who is working well on managing her enjoyment of power) and Rafid(who is getting help to lessen the damage Fayrouz did to him while they were married) rekindle their feelings for eachother. Fayrouz watches herself to make sure she’s not overpowering him, but takes a leadership role in the relationship. Tamari couldn’t be more stoked when his mom and Rafid start dating, and Mariyam takes it as a sign that Fayrouz is likely to see Tamari and them as her kids soon.

Now for the alcoholism thing? Well it gets worse and worse and just as Fayrouz and Rafid are planning a second wedding, Fayrouz damages her liver enough to need hospitalization. She survives without a transplant but now she’s left in recovery, with no work to do and all the time in the world to think. Tamari and Mariyam take this chance to spend as much time with her as possible, hoping that the two never leaving her side will give them memories to bond over. When she’s well enough to return to work, she and Rafid get remarried.

The rest of the au is just wholesome family stuff, Rafid sees Tamari and Mariyam as his kids and loves them as his kids and lets them move in with him and Fayrouz. Fayrouz kinda sees them as her kids but is mostly just annoyed with Tamari’s need for attention as usual but gives him some positive and non professional attention, sometimes. She gives Mariyam much more positive and non professional attention but she can still be described as cold and she’s not a doting mother and ignores her TA-Ms quite a bit. Rafid is definitely a doting father though.

we could get into the Kennith thing I’ve woven into this partially as a joke

[jeffwingxr]

can i just hear some of ur jeff winger thoughts. abt anything related to him. ur one of the only people ive seen who rly Gets It yknow

yes. thank you for this ask, i will talk about jeff literally anytime! i have such strong feelings about his character! which you can all probably tell by now lol!

jeff is bisexual. if you don’t agree, that’s totally okay, but i believe it. there’s genuine substance in the show that points to it, and i am confident that if this show was created a few years later, they would’ve explored his sexuality more. he’s kinda private about his sex life besides when it’s the focus of an episode anyway, so i’m of full belief that it could’ve just never came up, or jeff didn’t feel a need to bring it up. sometimes the group just doesn’t talk about certain things anyway.

i also don’t personally ship him with anyone. i don’t think through the show, (especially at the end), he was ever at a part of his life in which he could hold a stable relationship, and i appreciate his friendship dynamic with each character more than relationship-y. i don’t find anything wrong him having casual sex, or short-term like with slater, but a long term relationship was not something i believe he could’ve handled healthily during his time at greendale.

i love analyzing his friendships with everyone, because it’s clear he cares about each of them deeply, and his relationships with each are unique. i find this very telling about his character and his whole experience learning how to care about others. he didn’t have anyone really, truly caring about him before he came to greendale, and his adapting to an environment in which he is loved was certainly a change for him.

he grows to love his friends deeply despite being afraid to show vulnerability. he holds everyone at arms length and is very closed off due to his inexperience in letting people see the true him. he’s hid behind this persona of who he thought he should be- who he needed to be- for so long that in a way, he was getting to know himself as his friends were. lawyer jeff was alone in the world as he fought to survive, and gaining this found family at greendale taught him how to simply live his life freely.

this is pretty long already so if anyone has more specific asks i’ll totally delve into stuff further. also i got another ask that specifically mentioned dark topics related to jeff so i’ll talk about the darker things (his disordered eating, self-esteem issues, mental illness, etc) when i reply to that one :)

these are just my own thoughts on these few topics, and if anyone has alternative opinions that’s cool of course- and i’d totally love to hear/discuss them if you’re willing.

thank you for the ask! thank you so much for saying i’m one of the only ones you’ve seen that get it lol, that means a lot.

[nartothelar]

Was it Ingo flinching away from Future!Emmet that caused him to stumble backwards into the portal? That's gotta sting. Future!Emmet probably regrets all that tormenting, especially since Ingo is gone and his brother's memories of the past few months is Emmet being cruel to him. He can't even say sorry to Ingo. Plus Ingo finally seeing his actual brother at the end, already too late to escape the portal.... heartbreaking

Yep! Ingo flinching away from Emmet was what caused him to take that last step into the portal: a reflex gained from Emmet’s actions over the last few weeks

tfw you “playfully” torment your bro (due to your abandonment issues and unresolved grief) so much that he reflexively flinches back from you, making you one of the sole reasons why he disappears in the first place

I’m glad you caught that! :D F!emmet really should have checked safety first...

place your bets now ;) actually a lot of asks were able to vaguely guess a couple of plot points in pass comics, so a gold star to those who predicted that Ingo was to be heebie deebied due to F!emmet’s meddling

Technically we do! The au off shoot of when F!emmet goes to therapy (after coming clean to Ingo about this whole mess) is considered a canon au of the possession au, including the more lighthearted instances of F!emmet and Emmet being body roommates (the triplets au is also a another more lighthearted au of the au)

As for a happy ending for the actually possession au: we will just have to see the last terminal. This is not the end

[alastorswifee]

Hello could I make a request that is if you're still doing them. How would the bayverse turtles react to their S/I coming back from getting surgery on their shoulder. I just got surgery on my shoulder yesterday (I had a non cancerous tumor) and I still feel tired and a little weak. Thanks. I'm in no rush so take all the time you need.

Oh I’m so sorry to hear that has happened to you love but I’m glad you got the surgery needed, get better!<3 @pinkeagle

I took so long writing this but I have school and exams and a bunch of stuff going on right now, I really do apologize if each head canon section for the boys are short<3

~

Leonardo

• he’s been worried the entire time, from the moment you informed him that you’ll be heading for surgery to the moments after the surgery is over

• he doesn’t want to lose you and always had a fear that one day he won’t be there to protect you

• when you came back from your surgery and shot him a text that you’re home he was already on his way

• he had stopped on the way to have April pick up your favorite flowers and give it to him

• once he got to your place he knocked on the window before slowly sliding it open

• there you were laying on the bed with a soft smile on your face

• as you were about to get up to greet him he’d quickly walk over and tell you to stay laying down

• “Leo I promise I’m alri-“ “Just stay laying down..I don’t want to risk anything..”

• he would lean down and press his lips to yours, gosh you’ve missed him

• as he pulled away he held the flowers infront you to which you let out a soft laugh

• “for me? Leo please you didn’t have to” “I wanted to..only the best for my hana..”

• hana…such a lovely name

• hana means ‘flower’ in Japanese, he’s given you the nickname because according to him you’re as graceful and beautiful as a flower is

• he sat at the edge of the bed and asked you to tell him about your surgery and how it went, how are you feeling right now

• how long will it be until you’re able to be reckless again tho he wouldn’t want you to be reckless

• but you have your chaotic moments so he won’t put it past you that you’ll accidentally get yourself hurt

• he would press soft kisses on your shoulder a lot and whisper the sweetest things to you

• if you were to feel insecure or be down about your scar the surgery has given you, Leo would be right there to reassure you that you’re beautiful no matter what

• he would love you no matter what happens and no matter how you look he would always see you as radiant

• he tends to visit almost everyday, once he’s not busy he’s always visiting and making sure you’re okay

• he treats you like fine china

• “I’m going to use the restro-“ “I’ll carry you”

• “I’m hungr-“ “ill get you something, what would you like?”

• “my shoulder hur-“ “where are your painkillers hana?”

• sometimes you would give him a pleading look to not be as jumpy and worried

• you appreciate his care and hospitality but sometimes you want to do things on your own and don’t want Leo stressing out

• he understands but always gets worried

• you told him you’ll have to start doing physical therapy(physiotherapy)

• he immediately piped up at the thought of you moving around too much but slowly nodded

• he told you he’d be watching over you everytime you partake in those exercises

• to ensure you’re alright and such because what if something goes wrong

• after you’re done recovering Leos not exactly going to let you off as easily anymore

• he’s going to almost always baby you(unless you object because he won’t push to annoy you)

• keep you away from missions and danger as best as he could and always check up on your shoulder

• “how’s your shoulder hana?” “Leo it’s been a year..”

Raphael

• when you told him of the surgery he internally panicked because his mind went to ‘what if’ situations but he quickly shook it off

• he simply nodded to you and told you that you’ve got this

• he would be worried as hell but wouldn’t show it

• just like Leo he has a deep fear of losing you

• if he showed how worried he was he might worry you or make you feel bad so he decided to tough it out

• if he showed how worried he was he might accidentally psych you out 

• he wouldn’t disregard you but he would tell you that you’ll be okay

• if you need anything, he’ll try his best to help you but cut him some slack cause he has no idea what to do in situations like this

• he will try his best to reassure you because in his eyes you’re beyond beautiful

• if you get insecure of your scar he’ll say it’s badass as hell because it showed that you went through something that some people would be afraid of going through

• if you tell him it’s nothing like his battle scars he’ll lean down, press a kiss to your shoulder and tell you..

• “we may not have gotten em in the same way but yer scar shows how strong ya are”

• he tends to cook for you sometimes so you don’t move too much

• he won’t overdo it and baby you cause he wants you to as I said tough it out and work through the pain

• if the pain becomes too much tho he’ll help you

• “hey hey let me help ya sweetheart”

• he always has your pain killers on standby incase because he hates seeing you in pain

• he tends to watch you during your physiotherapy(physical therapy) sessions

• he wants to push you to try your hardest but there are times you can’t do a certain activities as easily anymore

• he understands and tries to encourage you tho sometimes he doesn’t really know what to say(he’s tries his hardest tho)

• after you’re healed from the surgery Raph would be so happy to finally do normal things with you again

• he acts like nothing happened on the outside

• but on the inside there would be times he’d make sure you’re more careful so you wouldn’t hurt yourself

• like I said he cares about you deeply and wouldn’t want to lose you

Donatello

• when you told him you’ll be going in for surgery and you told him why he’ll wish you goodluck and try to stay strong for you but by the time you walk out of the lair he’s going to have constant anxiety

• once you told him your surgery went successfully he was sighing in relief and asking you when he could come over to yours and see you

• during the time he was waiting for your surgery to be over, he had researched what to do in terms of helping with recovery

• he came over and was holding a bunch of things such as ice Packs or heating pads because using ice and heat compressions on your shoulder should help

• he also brought you take out, your favorite obviously and pain killers tho you probably already had them

• some tea bags as well(they’re probably Leo’s and he didn’t tell him)

• you looked at him in a bit of shock

• you told him he didn’t have to bring you all of this but he insisted

• “no no darling I want your recovery to go as smooth as possible, so as your boyfriend I want to do my part..”

• you could’ve just melted at how sweet he was being

• just like Leo, Donnie would cater and almost baby you

• he’s not as bad as Leo tho, he wants you to try and move around and do things on your own so your shoulder can get some exercise

• he helps you with your physiotherapy exercises

• insecure about your shoulder? You don’t even need to bring it up because donnie had already been telling you how lovely you are with or without your scar

• donnie is that type of lover to reassure you about how beautiful and lovely you are without you having to bring up any insecurities

• after you heal and such, Donnie’s not taking any risks

• the next time he hears you’ve hurt yourself in some way or form he’s gonna be rushing and I mean RUSHING to your side to make sure you’re alright

• did you see the anxiety this turtle went through because of your surgery?

• Naur sweetheart he’s gonna be extra cautious with you now

• “wait wait dove I’ll get that for you!”

• he would stop everything just to grab something from a high shelf for you

• he doesn’t want you climbing up so you can accidentally fall or knock something over or pull a muscle or- you get the idea

Michelangelo

• when he heard about the news of the surgery he actually got really scared like he psyched himself out

• you would panic and assure him that it’ll be okay but let’s be honest..you were internally freaking out

• once you’ve calmed your boyfriend down he’d take a moment before cracking a stupid ass joke to lighten the mood

• “the worst thing you gotta worry about is using your other hand to do everything angel cakes”

• cue his nervous laughter and awkward finger guns

• when you got home and called Mikey to tell him about how your surgery went, he immediately hung up and sprinted to get to your place

• when he got to your apartment, he nearly rammed into your window from how excited he was before sliding it open and hopping inside

• once inside he was about to give you the tightest hug before he paused upon seeing you laying on your bed

• then he remembered, you just came home from the hospital after surgery

• you asked him to hand you the painkillers from the bedside drawer

• he would panic and rummage through until he pulled it out

• he wouldn’t know what to do so throughout your whole recovery he would be making jokes to make you laugh or find any sort of way to entertain you

• he would try his best to help you tho he wouldn’t know what he’s doing

• “what can I do to help you babe?”

• if his jokes tend to be bad timing or hit the wrong way he’d apologize and stop

• he won’t want to make you uncomfortable or sad in any way

• he does cook for you here and there

• you do warn him to not mess up your kitchen or burn the apartment down

• luckily the apartment and building is still standing and there weren’t any messes in your kitchen

• there was this one time tho you were in the middle of your physiotherapy and Mikey walked in chowing down on your cereal like

• “hey angel cakes *munch* what kind of cereal *munch* is this? Can you *munch* buy another box?”

• you’d give him this look like darling honey sweetie babe look at who you’re talking to

• it’ll take him a minute before he goes “ohhhhh” and laugh nervously before sheepishly apologizing

• he watches you sometimes when you do your physical therapy and hypes you up like

• “you can do this angel!”

• “You’re strong!”

• “Look at you go!”

• if you’re ever insecure about the scar the surgery has given you he’d be showering and I mean showering you with compliments

• “but you’re a hottie! That scar just makes you hotter!”

• then he gets hit with a pillow

• eventually tho when you end up getting better he’ll be so excited to finally take you out to do fun stuff with him again

• he will be cautious tho

• “why skate a half pipe when you can skate a sewer pipe!(if anyone gets this reference i love you) Down we go!- oh wait! Hold on tight babe, don’t want you getting hurt!”

• he’s such a sweetheart and he tries his best for you

[buckleyblueyes]

buddie + laughter

(send me a word and a ship and I’ll give you a head canon)

Uhh so this turned into a ficlet?? I don't know what happened but there's dialogue in it and I putting it under a cut. It's angsty bc it's a post 4x14 recovery thing, but also very fluffy.

Buck first notices it a week after Eddie comes home from the hospital. He hasn't laughed. Not once. There have been a few smiles, a handful of chuckles. But he hasn't actually laughed. And Buck understands the trauma of it all, knows the nightmares that are keeping Eddie up at night and the anxiety that is thrumming under his skin at all times. He's been there, after a ladder truck exploded on him, after a tsunami tried to wash him away, and he's there again, if he's honest, after watching Eddie get shot right in front of him. So, he understands what Eddie is going through. The last thing he wants is to make Eddie feel like he has to act happier than he is--Eddie deserves space to process and feel his negative emotions.

But, the thing is. Buck loves Eddie's laugh. And even before the shooting, it was a rare thing to get a full, unguarded laugh from Eddie instead of a chuckle or a giggle. Buck prides himself on the fact that of all the people in the world, he's one of three people who can get that kind of laugh out of Eddie (the others being Christopher and Abuela), and he also just. Really misses the sound of Eddie's laugh. Not to mention the fact that Christopher has picked up on Eddie's mood and has himself been laughing less.

(If Buck is truly honest with himself, he's been laughing and smiling less, too. But this isn't about him.)

He decides he has to do something. He knows he can't make it obvious to Eddie what he's doing, so he focuses his energies on Christopher first. Everytime he sees Chris (which is often, since he's practically living on the Diaz couch for the time being) he makes sure to come prepared with a joke. Always cheesy and silly and almost impossible not to crack a smile at.

How do cows greet each other? They exchange milkshakes.

Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

Knock Knock. Who's There? Tank. Tank Who? You're Welcome.

And it works. The jokes, silly as they are, do manage to elicit giggles from Christopher, and fond eye rolls from Eddie. Buck keeps at it, and after a couple of weeks, Christopher starts to have jokes of his own, many of which are at Buck or Eddie's expense. Buck decides he would be the butt of a thousand jokes to make Christopher and Eddie laugh. Some of the jokes they exchange even get a smile or a chuckle out of Eddie, much to Buck's delight.

Eddie's recovery progresses, physically and emotionally. He goes to the department mandated therapy, and then, to everyone's pleasant surprise, he decides to keep at it. Buck is there every step of the way with encouragement, and a few corny jokes. He's not sure when he moves from only targeting Christopher, to telling them to Eddie as well, but he knows that it helps.

When Eddie is frustrated with his physical therapy, angry and tired of fighting with own body, Buck cuts the tension with a "Knock knock. Who's There? Woo. Woo Who? Glad you're excited!" which Eddie begrudgingly goes along with. When Eddie is annoyed because he can't lift something/open something, Buck swoops in with a "need a hand, or maybe an arm?" and a wink. When Eddie emerges from his bedroom early in the morning with dark circles under his eyes, Buck nudges him and says "You should go back to bed. The early bird gets the worm, but the late worm doesn't get eaten." and every time Eddie rolls his eyes and shakes his head and bites his lip to keep from smiling. It's not a laugh, but it's something.

As the months go by Buck gets more and more of a reaction for his troubles. A lip bite turns into a half smile turns into a full smile turns into a grin turns into a snort turns into a chuckle. Eddie is clearly doing better, and so is Christopher, who has turned the whole thing into a competition to see if he or Buck is funnier. But Eddie still hasn't let out a full, deep, belly laugh since before the shooting. It makes Buck's heart ache because he knows Eddie only laughs like that when he is truly relaxed and unguarded, and knowing that Eddie hasn't been able to reach that level of calm in months, that he's been on edge this whole time? It's awful.

Finally, finally, a week before Eddie is supposed to start work again, it happens. Buck finally makes Eddie laugh. It's just...not on purpose. He's over for movie night, having moved back to his own apartment by that point. He gets up to refill the popcorn bowl and trips over something Christopher left on the floor. He falls, the plastic bowl goes in the air, and lands right on his head. Eddie just loses it.

"I'm sorry--" [laugh] "Are you--" [laugh] "--okay?"

Buck glowers. "Fine, thanks."

It's not until Buck's back on the couch, fresh bowl of popcorn in his lap, Eddie running his fingers through his hair checking for bumps (because, sure, Eddie likes slapstick, but he also has to be sure Buck isn't actually hurt), and Christopher asleep up against his dad, that it occurs to Buck. "You laughed!"

"Uh. Yeah?"

"No, I mean," Buck swallows. "You haven't laughed, since..."

"Since the shooting?" Eddie finishes. "Is that what all the jokes were about? You wanted to make me laugh?"

Buck shrugs. "I know it's been hard, and you're allowed to feel however you feel. But I just...I wanted to make you happy."

Eddie's hands are still in Buck's hair, and he turns Buck's head in his hands until Buck is facing him. "You always make me happy, Buck."

Buck can't even begin to respond to that.

"You're right, things have been difficult," he nods. "I've been on edge. But having you here? The way you've taken care of Christopher, taken care of me, for the past few months, it's not nothing. In fact," Eddie hesitates, taking a deep breath, for a second before pressing on. "Buck, it's everything. You're everything."

Buck feels like the wind has been knocked out of him, just like he always feels when Eddie says these deeply meaningful things to him. There's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you. You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong.

You're everything.

Buck swallows. Glances at the movie they're supposed to be watching. Glances down at Christopher. Finally, meets Eddie's eyes, gaze heavy with anticipation. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"I love."

"I love who?"

"I love you."

[aftgficrec]

Hey! I’m looking for fics that focus on Andrew and self-harm, could be thoughts of it or like, relapse or pre series him dealing with it or au.

I’m so glad you guys are doing this kind of stuff and that the askbox is open. Ur doing the lord’s work!

Hello, yes, there is a lot written for this. - A

Also see:

‘Haunted’ here

‘Honey Golden Light’ here

‘If you must’ here

‘Bad days - Andrew’ here

‘Broken’ and ‘Over and Undertow’ here

‘scars’ here

‘Unstitch That Shed-Off Soul’ and ‘A Thousand Lifetimes Over’ here

‘Open Smother’ and ‘broken boy in a fast car’ here

‘It's My Party ( And I'll Cry if I want To )’ here

‘Ink Stains and Paper Cuts’ here

‘listen before i go,‘ ‘ephemeral’ and ‘Ficlet Collection…’ Ch 28 here

‘Hold my hand’ here

‘The Court-Hole Fox’ (since updated) and ‘The Degenerate Court’ here

‘Don't Let Me Go’ here

‘day by day’ here

‘He's the same as always’ and ‘i find my place (in your arms)’ here

‘both hungry and awake’ here

‘These Days’ here

‘copper sea turtles’ here

‘The Before and After’ here

‘ANDROMEDA’ here

‘Cut at the knees (I’ll bash your head)’ here

‘Jekyll & Hyde’ here

‘Fire Burns;Underneath My Skin’ here

‘Love, Loved, lover(s)’ here

‘Take Shelter’ here

‘Something Better’ (since updated) here

‘North Star’ here

‘The Waiting Game’ here

‘so maybe tonight I'll be the libertine’ here

Odd Eye by tdashshirts [Rated T, 16394 Words, Complete, 2021]

Andrew spends most of his childhood thinking he is a psychopath. He is not. Andrew is, and always will be, just Andrew.

tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: ptsd, tw: mental health slur, tw: violence, tw: panic attacks, tw: severe depression, tw: involuntary outing, tw: homophobia

Proof by Anya509 [Rated M, 6998 Words, Complete, 2021]

Proof: the cogency of evidence that compels acceptance by the mind of a truth or a fact.

- Or - Five times Andrew doesn't want to be touched, and the one time he does.

tw: self harm, tw: rape/non-con, tw: csa, tw: child abuse, tw: blood, tw: ptsd, tw: underage sex, tw: underage drinking, tw: alcohol, tw: drug use, tw: murder, tw: canonical character death

I Don't Know by Joyous32 [Rated T (we say M), 2070 Words, Complete, 2019]

Neil and Andrew go to therapy with Bee to deal with Andrew's cutting.

tw: self-harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/non-con, tw: blood

No Soul To Be Broken by one_black_coffee [Rated T, 1320 words, complete, 2021]

There was a longer scar. A deeper scar. That ran the length of his forearm in a jagged stretch of defeat. It raised higher than the others, caught the light in sickening pallor better than the others. It served as even more of a reminder than the others.

tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced suicide attempt

Call Me Neil by BakaDoll [Rated M, 16678 Words, Complete 2018]

Andrew is 13 and his life is already a living hell. He decides to call a crisis hotline, but ends up dialing the wrong number. Instead, he is on the phone to a boy his age who calls himself Neil. They become friends and talk regularly, until one day Neil needs Andrew's help.

tw: suicide attempt, tw: child abuse, tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm

a step back by nialeta [Rated T, 1589 Words, Complete, 2015]

there's no guidebook on what to do to stay on the path of 'getting better.' because there is no getting better; only hanging on.

andrew forgot that, somewhere between a lease signed to two names and a bedroom door he no longer locks.

tw: suicide attempt, tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: depression

Overwhelmed by BakaDoll [Rated T, 2038 Words, Complete, 2018]

Andrew feels overwhelmed by all the new things happening after the championships. He goes back to old coping mechanisms but realises they might not be the best way to deal with his problems.

tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: anxiety, tw: alcohol abuse, tw: drug use

light a spark and let it burn (keep the flame alive) series by cake_lovin_ace [Rated G/T, 58050 Words, Incomplete, Updated August 2021]

Part 1: think i'm looking at a long night (i'm alone, i'm alone, i'm alone, i'm alone) (17322 Words, Incomplete)

by the time he made it into juvie, andrew wanted nothing to do with touch….and even now, years later, andrew was never warm. cold, icy and niggling, dogged his footsteps, ice brushing over his chest and into his heart as he yearned for touch in a way he never had before.

[or, a story about andrew's relationship with touch.]

tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: violence, tw: self harm

Part 2: can you help the hopeless? / i'm begging on my knees [Rated T, 8684 Words, Complete, 2021]

andrew would never call himself insecure, but it was insecurity indeed that plagued him, insecurity that wrapped cold hands around his mind on the nights he could not breathe and warped his thoughts until all he could hear was undeserving, undeserving, undeserving.

or

andrew has a bad day. neil helps.

tw: panic attacks, tw: flashbacks, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: self harm

Part 3: i stand here alone / begging for answers that i need to know (how can i let go?) (G, 22586 words)

andrew struggles with his demons and his recovery, and the mortifying, life-saving ordeal of being known.

tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: panic attacks, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: disordered eating, tw: nightmares, tw: dissociation

“Don’t go where I can’t follow.” by @atomancy-a [Tumblr, 2021]

Andrew is slipping. He didn’t mean to but he never does.

The first time Andrew let Aaron see him without his arm bands by @aftgscenes [Tumblr, 2021]

- It happens about ten years after they had graduated, both Andrew and Aaron are well into their 30’s

meta about andrew and caring and wanting things by @sinistercacophony [Tumblr, 2020]

so first of all. andrew doesn’t care about people in general, or society in general, or being polite or nice or palatable, bc being able to care about that shit is a) a luxury he did not have for a long time and b) probably one of the most inconsequential things in his life.

Thoughts on Andrew’s arms hc by @a-case-for-wonder [Tumblr, 2020]

Thinking abt Andrew’s armbands this morning, and how functionally unlikely it is that None of the Foxes ever saw his arms…

abby would have had to see andrew’s scars hc by @skullcaidd [Tumblr, 2021]

thoughts on Andrew and Tilda’s crash hc by @knox-knocks [Tumblr, 2021]

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! Would you happen to have any fic recs that involve John meeting the Holmes family? I always think that's such an interesting dynamic to see! Also, I think this goes without saying but I love your blog and appreciate your contributions to the fandom! Thanks!

Hey Nonny!

Ah, thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my blog!

Oooo! Yes, I love that dynamic too!! ANNNNND!!! You’re giving me the chance to make a part 2 for a REALLY OLD LIST!!! So YAY!!! I found a bunch on a text doc I haven’t posted yet, so HERE WE GO! Hope you enjoy, and as always, everyone please add your own!

PARENTS AND FAMILIES Pt. 2

See also: 

Parents & Family

Meeting the Family With a Fake Relationship

Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.

Once Upon A Time by ProfessorSquirrell (T, 908 w., 1 Ch. || Family, Snippets of Life, Romance, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Implied Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending) – There is a room in Sherlock's mind palace where nothing gets deleted. And it looks like this...

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”

On the Steadfast Approach of an Oncoming Darkness by 2bee (T, 7,772 w., 1 Ch. || Apocalypse, Minor Character Death, Sort of Parentlock) – The world is ending. Not fast, but slowly, like falling asleep with a fever.

The Name Game by ItsClydeBitches221B (K, 8,958 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Family, Platonics / Friendship, Sort-of Parentlock, John/Mary, Mary is Nice, Five and Ones, Baby Watson, Mycroft Loves Baby Watson) – The names that baby girl Watson comes up with for her extended family. Or: how everyone—Watsons, Holmes, and others alike— just learned to give up and embrace their weirdness.

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Where The Ghosts Have Voices by HappyJuicyfruit (M, 37,691 w., 12 Ch. || Supernatural AU || Ghosts, Magical Realism, Light Horror, Fluff and Smut, John Can See Ghosts, John Whump, Emotional Manipulation, Dark Magic, Coma, Injury Recovery, Blow Jobs, Anal, Happy Ending, John’s Past, Mr Holmes, Powerful John, Holmes Brothers, Sherlock’s Past, Past Viclock, Drug Abuse, Hair Pulling) – John has lived his whole life as an outcast. It is only when he meets Sherlock, that be realizes being a freak might not be such a bad thing, and that the curse he has lived with his whole life may be a gift after all. (TO READ)

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Alternate Future AU || Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex, Case Fic, Emotional Love Making, Bath Time Fun) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It's 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn't need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[brokentoys]

@the-blackened-dove​ SENT:

// Your Riddler is the most respectful, skillful, and compelling take on a mentally ill villain I have ever seen. From his addiction, psychosis, attachment issues, to even his most lucid moments of intelligence and charisma, you portray him as complex and multifaceted. He's never 'just' a genius, or 'just' a delusional criminal. He feels like a complete person.

omg !!  This  is  so  kind!!  As  I’ve  said  plenty  of  times  before,  I  REALLY  do  think  Ed’s  mental  illnesses  are  a  very  important  part  of  his  character.  I  mean,  if  you’re  gonna  have  the  characters  go  to  a  psychiatric  hospital  rather  than  a  prison,  I  think  those  mental  illnesses  should  be  explored,  because  obviously  they’re  important.  And  I  want  to  emphasize  that  NOT  every  mentally  ill  criminal  goes  to  a  hospital  instead  of  a  prison.  If  you  go  to  a  hospital,  you’re  actually  INNOCENT,  and  not  a  convict.  This  is  “found  guilty  by  reason  of  insanity.”  And  to  get  this,  the  criminal  HAS  TO  BE  seen  as  not  in  control  of  his  own  actions,  that  the  criminal  doesn’t  understand  what  they  were  doing,  or  they  wouldn’t  have  done  said  crime  if  they  were  mentally  aware,   and/or  didn’t  suffer  from  a  delusion.  Therefore,  nobody  with  depression  or  NPD  (which,  DeeCee  now  seems  to  think  is  all  Ed  has  -  and  a  poorly  depicted  version  of  it  to  the  point  where  it’s  just  arrogance.)  wouldn’t  get  you  in  a  hospital.  I  mention  this  because  if  seeing  as  many  (but  not  all)  of  the  rogues  go  to  the  hospital,  it’ll  mean  they  are  severely  mentally  ill.  And  if  they  are,  I  think  it’s  important  to  explore  that.

And  yes,  I  know  many  people  (thanks  to  some  stupid  comics/depictions)  will  say  “but  Arkham  IS  a  prison!  It  was  just  turned  into  one  because  of  too  many  criminals  in  Gotham  -  the  jail  wasn’t  big  enough  to  fit  them!”  But  if  that’s  the  case,  why  are  there  still  doctors  roaming  around  Arkham?  Yes,  I  know  some  people  will  also  argue  they  pit  criminals  up  with  actual  patients  due  to  not  enough  space  in  prison.  But  like,  we  have,  canonically  seen,  many  of  the  rogues  receive  therapy  sessions  with  doctors,  as  well  as  medications.  Also,  Blackgate  exists.  And  even  if  Blackgate  is  full.  Gotham  is  in  New  Jersey...  they’d  -  they’d  just  take  the  criminals  to  a  neighboring  city’s  prison  lmao.  Also,  they  would’ve  removed  the  “asylum”  from  the  name.

Anyway,  as  I  said  -  Eddie’s  mental  illnesses  are  very  important  because  I  feel  like  they  should  be.  Also,  because  I  find  him  to  be  very  relatable  -  and  an  accurate  depiction  of  his  mental  illnesses  when  he’s  written  well.  (Which  sadly  AND  SURPRISINGLY,  seems  to  be  only  in  older  comics.)

When  characters  question  if  Ed’s  brilliance  is  genuine,  or  if  he’s  just  a  “madman,”  I  answer  with  another  question;  why  not?  Someone,  or  a  character  doesn’t  have  to  be  just  one  thing.  Eddie  is  both;  he’s  a  genius  who  struggles  with  (untreated)  mental  illness.  I  really  want  to  make  Eddie  feel...  well,  real!  I’m  glad  to  hear  I’m  doing  a  good  job  on  it!

I  apologize  for  the  LONG  ASS  ramble  here  -  most  of  it  was  probably  unneeded,  and  just  me  spilling  my  thoughts  lol.  But  thank  you  so  very  much  for  this!  It  always,  ALWAYS  means  a  whole  lot.

[aanakin]

Your blog got me into watching 9-1-1, I’ve watched 2 seasons in the past week! Do you have any fic recommendations?

Good, glad you’re enjoying the show! 😎

Okay, so, I’ve read quite a lot of buddie fics in the past two weeks since I binge watched 9-1-1. The rec list got a bit long, so I put it under keep reading. Enjoy! 💖

alternative universe:

I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania | 10k | Total strangers Buck and Eddie go to couple's therapy together to get out of the therapy requirements their captains have placed on them.

Frequent Flyer by red_to_black | 13k | The one where Eddie is a firefighter, Buck isn't, and Eddie finds himself rescuing Buck from increasingly sticky situations. Sometimes literally.

Strike a Match by extasiswings | 13k | When Eddie Diaz from the 136 agrees to join one of the LAFD strike teams to provide wildfire assistance, he’s thinking about two things—overtime and hazard pay. The last thing he expects is Evan Buckley.

knight in shining armour by coupe_de_foudre | 2k | AU, married!Buddie | It’s funny how your day can go from a dream to a nightmare in the space of a second. But the moment that call came through - the moment they clambered into the truck and Bobby listed off the address they were headed - that’s when Buck’s whole life came crashing down around him. It’s his address.

getting together/canon divergence:

it's funny how they say when you find someone (heart speeds up, time slows down) by wafflesofdoom | 5.5k | The one where Eddie finds a no-nonsense therapist, confronts his feelings, and jumps off several metaphorical cliffs.

Love Language by red_to_black | 6.4K | Eddie's love language is acts of service, and Buck doesn't totally get it.

things we shouldn't do by Ingu | 21k | The one where Buck and Eddie accidentally get set up on a blind date with each other, and everything snowballs from there

last night (i woke the fuck up) by ariavederci | 5k | “So. I know you have the day off on Sunday.” Groaning, Buck let his head thump lightly against the wall. TK was fucking relentless. “No, TK. I already told you, I’m not gonna let you set me up with your friend.”

Nobody else I’d rather know by justhockey | 7.5k | Five times Eddie really knows Buck, and the one time Buck realises.

i'm begging for you (to take my hand) by sirencalls | 14k | the breakdown after 4x05 that Buck deserved to have.

Leave My Body by Pline | 23k | Buck dies but it's not the end. (Inspired by the movie It's a Wonderful Life)

Home Recovery by Clockwork_Mockingbird | 13k | Jinxed AU where Buck doesn't trip over anybody, does reach the rig right before Brian takes off, and then is taken for one hell of a ride that results in him recuperating at the Diaz household.

love doesn't discriminate by awashleyno | 10k | Buck gets tired and uses Eddie as a pillow.

it’s okay by itsmylifekay | 11k | Buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone.

a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things | Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that. But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

what if i surrender (and give in) by chthonicheart | 9.9k | “'Hey, man'?” Eddie repeats, and the weight of disbelief in his tone is the only thing that drowns out the latent anger. “Really? Why the hell are you even here, Buck?”

the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by theleftboobgrabber | 49K | When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret.

everything you see (ain’t always what it seems) by autumnchills | 6K | Buck had never thought that his best friend would like him back, but at the end of their date night, he’s in for a rude awakening when he learns just how he ended up there with Eddie. Things only get more confusing when Eddie seems to be mad at him in the aftermath.

Left Unsaid by Clockwork_Mockingbird | 33k |  The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

established relationship:

whatever you lack, i make up (we make a really good team) by wafflesofdoom | 10k | The one where buck and eddie find out about the 118's bet on their relationship and set out for some well deserved revenge - with athena's help, of course. and a seven-phase revenge plan.

5 times they introduce one another as 'husband' (+1 time someone else does) by coupe_de_foudre | 4.6k | Just buddie being dorky husbands showing each other off, what's not to love?

subtle as a brick in the small of my back by spinningincircles | 5.4k | Eddie’s proposing to Buck. The whole team finds out first. It goes about as well as expected (not well at all).

the most important mark to leave by thisissirius | 4.9k | “Dad, Buck’s not gonna say he wants a party. He doesn’t think you want a fuss.” Eddie is, apparently, a failure of a partner. “Buck—” “He told Abuela,” Chris says, matter-of-factly. “I wasn’t meant to hear but they thought I was sleeping. He knows you don’t like big celebration things unless they’re inside but he wants a backyard party. He wants fireworks because he thinks they’re cool and he never got them when he was as old as me. He also never got cake like I do. That’s really sad, Dad.”

I've Gotta Go by hideeho | 1.7k |  The team gets stuck on the side of the road. Bladders are tested and revelations are made.

[roguishredaxion]

My BnHA AU List

Sorry for the length. Fics that are currently available to read have links. To those of you mentioned in this post, I wanted to make sure people knew where the ideas originally came from. (And you’re all awesome anyway!)

Can't See The Forest For The Trees - Genderbent Midoriya Izuku who became a vigilante known as the Forest in Musutafu. Has been operating for five years dealing mostly with information gathering and dispersal and some smaller situations that crop up on the streets. Todoroki Shouto is on patrol in the area and takes an interest in the unknown vigilante after she helps out with a situation where he got in over his head. AO3

A Piece of Patchwork (Improperly Placed) - AU where Izuku and Aizawa swap places in canon. Izuku fights the hero system to become the first quirkless hero, graduating alongside Present Mic. He gets called in to help in a situation where the villain has the ability to steal quirks, five years before the start of canon, providing part of the back-up team for All Might. Part 1 is the battle against All for One, part 2 is an alternate ending to the fight. Part 3 is Izuku learning to use One for All, which was forcefully given to him by All Might at the end of the battle. Part 4 is the other half of the role swap, where Aizawa grows up alongside Bakugou and is trying to get into UA. AO3

The Fallacy of Greatness (AKA Tenth, in my files) - AU where the whole first year class of UA in canon is born 4 years later than in canon. All Might encounters a 10 year old Izuku who asks if he can be a hero. Even after rescuing Bakugou and proving his heroic spirit, All Might elects not to give One for All to a child as young as Izuku. Izuku, desperate for someone to believe in his dreams, realizes that he has to be his first believer and decides to take matters into his own hands and prepare for a future in heroism on his own. AO3

The Capture Scarf Caper - Based on an idea from @terrible-my-hero-academia-aus Izuku finds Aizawa's capture scarf discarded in an alley and takes it home. He figures out how to use it and becomes so proficient that it accidentally gets mistaken for a quirk. Deciding to capitalize on the strange bias he's come up against, he uses the capture scarf to get into Class 1-A. Unfortunately, this means his teacher is the original owner of his scarf. Suddenly his deception is a lot more desperate and precarious. Meanwhile, Aizawa is trying to figure out why his instincts are telling him to pay such close attention to this anxious kid. AO3

The Better Part of Valor - Suspected Traitor Izuku AU a la @gentrychild. After Aizawa discovers one of Izuku's hero analysis notebooks, he drags Izuku to an interrogation room trying to get him to confess to being the traitor in UA. Izuku comes to realize that several of his classmates were also made aware of this theory and have been feeding information on his movements to their teacher for a while. Betrayed, he starts to pull away from class, falling back into some of the same habits from middle school to go unnoticed and fall off of people's awareness. At some point, his classmates realize that he's no longer staying in the dorms, they only ever see him in class, and All Might is the only person he will voluntarily interact with.

Civil Disobedience - All Might doesn't track Izuku down after the slime incident, but Bakugou's parting words cut far deeper after the day he's had. Realizing that everyone talks about how great of a hero Bakugou will be, Izuku comes to the conclusion that he wants to be the exact opposite of what Bakugou is. He elects to become a villain who goes after and exposes corrupt heroes. Adopting the username Wasureta for his villain work, he collects information on heroes who aren't performing their job as they should and releases it to the court of public opinion, taking away the support that has kept them from being exposed before this. As he digs deeper into the cesspool of rotten heroes, he manages to collect enough information to rake Endeavor over the coals and ends up with an interesting new follower. Dabi, meanwhile, is shocked by the ruthless but polite teenager he found when he tried to find Wasureta and he's not sure if he's impressed by what the kid has accomplished on his own, or horrified by the scope of what he controls.

Hunting Prometheus - There is another quirkless student attending Aldera Middle School, but she wasn't born that way unlike Izuku. When she was seven, her quirk was stolen from her by a man with a smooth voice and a forgettable face and she's been existing in a state of carefully cultivated rage since that day. Before, she never even considered becoming a hero. Now her only goal is to become a hero so she can find that man and punch him in the face. (OC fic, obviously)

Lost Stars in an Indifferent Universe - Leverage AU, five parts, origin for each member of the team. Izuku is told to be realistic and he tries to be following his disastrous encounter with All Might. But realistic means that he has already exceeded the life expectancy of quirkless individuals, acknowledging the fact that no amount of studying or work will let him join a remotely helpful career, and he is stuck living with his mother while he wastes away as a janitor at a nearby middle school following the completion of his high school education. When he returns to a tall building he hadn't managed to convince himself to jump off of yet, he finds that the abandoned space has been taken over by a black market of sorts and gets folded into a world of grey morals and an underground economy based on merit instead of quirk. When he becomes aware of an illegal quirk experimentation operation and tries to blow the whistle, several attempts are made on his life in order to shut him up. Instead of disappearing, he gets angry and decides to collect a team to strike back and prove the shady shit the lab is up to. (Izuku=Mastermind, Shinsou=Grifter, Hatsume=Hacker, Shoji=Hitter, Eri=Thief)

Love and Other Things Not Bound By the Laws of Time - Mr. Peabody and Sherman AU. Nezu adopts a young Midoriya Izuku whose mother died shortly after he was diagnosed as quirkless. Determined to show his new son that one's quirk or lack thereof means nothing in the grand scheme of things, UA's principal develops the WABAC machine to travel through time and prove just how capable people were before quirks manifested. He indulges Izuku's passion and curiosity, encouraging him to look into as much or as little as he wants on any subject. It becomes clear that, while not supernaturally intelligent, Izuku is a genius whose ability to make connections and strategize is by far his greatest asset, especially as he still holds onto the goal of becoming a hero.

The Quiet Revolution (collab w/ my sister) - The Todoroki siblings need therapy. Instead of getting that therapy, they decide to meet up for dinner every Saturday night, begin a tradition where they burn their father in effigy each week, accidentally start a highly successful Minecraft YouTube channel, and generally cause the downfall of the existing hero system through the power of networking.

You Can Tell What I Am By The Lines In My Skin - BnHA/Naruto AU. Naruto dies in his own universe and is reborn into the My Hero Academia Universe as Midoriya Izuku. He remembers who he was, but his chakra, which followed him into this life, is always out of reach. He trains as best he can to keep up his regular ninja skills but can't break through the barrier separating him from his chakra. He still meets and trains under All Might. When he receives One for All, however, the sensation that fills him is entirely familiar. It breaks through the barrier as though it isn't even there, and settles inside like it's always been there. Honestly, he had been missing the angry furball anyway, so he was glad Kurama managed to follow him to this world. With access to his chakra again, the world is about to discover just how effective one shinobi can be in a world of heroes.

War Games - (Inspired by RogueDruid's Hero Class Civil Warfare and others similarly inspired by it.) A year-wide hero class exercise is announced. Bakugou is announced as the Hero leader while the villain leader's identity is kept secret. Izuku knows it's him before the letter appears in his room. The students are allowed to pick whichever side they want, but most choose the hero side, which has won the exercise every time it has been run. This year is no different. Todoroki realizes that Izuku is the villain leader and signs up with him. Izuku goes and recruits Momo and Monoma to his side. Then, after consulting the rules, he folds in Shinsou and Hatsume as well. Monoma plays decoy villain leader and attempts to collect a few more people, but they've already signed up for the hero side. Izuku, without explicitly saying that he's signed up with the hero team, gets folded into the hero strategy sessions since no one expected him to make a different choice. He proceeds to get "taken out" in the first villain assault, and most people don't realize what's happening until it's far too late.

Life's A Game (And I'm Player One) - AU in which Izuku realizes that he does have a quirk but can't tell anyone about it because a) he can't prove it and b) it could be dangerous if he talks about what he can see. His quirk, which he privately calls Stat Check, freezes time just for him in order to open up what looks like a video game character bio that explains a person's quirk, as well as containing vital statistics. It only works in person or on unaltered photographs with a person's face or a distinctive enough feature to identify them. As he gets older, more tabs are added to the bio, and he starts to notice signs above certain people's heads telling him what level he needs to be to fight them (he stops seeing these after receiving OfA, until he sees AfO in Kamino Ward). In pictures, only the first tab is available unless he took the picture while time was frozen, in which case all the tabs are accessible. Because of this, he has accordion folders filled with photographs of people instead of analysis notebooks.

Of Unpainted Fences and Raw Ingredients - Smart Izuku AU. He has been writing essays about hero society, morality, and several other issues since before UA, but he doesn't realize how much people are paying attention to them until the essays start becoming required reading for certain classes. Meanwhile, the teachers are desperate to get in contact with him, not expecting that the essayist they have been gushing over is sitting near the back of the class, trying not to blush.

In A Mirror Darkly - Aizawa is out on patrol with Shinsou and Midoriya when they are attacked and the boys are apparently obliterated by an enemy quirk. The rest of the class attempts to help Aizawa, but he blames himself for their deaths. It doesn't help that he keeps seeing flashes of them in the mirror out of the corner of his eye and could swear he heard one or both of their voices in the middle of the night. Meanwhile, Shinsou and Midoriya are stuck out of sync with the rest of the universe and can't communicate with anyone except Aizawa, and only through mirrors. Izuku figured out that they have maybe two weeks before they waste away since they can't interact with anything being stuck in this in-between space. The only way they can get out is for Aizawa, who was there when they de-synced, to touch them and bring them back in sync with the rest of the world.

Guerilla Tactics - Vigilante Class 1-A AU. After the slime villain debacle, Izuku runs away from Bakugou and the heroes. He literally runs into Todoroki Shouto and they commiserate about how the heroes have failed them. Realizing a bit late exactly who Shouto's father is and why he's trying to run away, Izuku offers to come up with a plan to help him get away cleanly. (This is sort of the worst timeline, where most of the good teachers aren't employed at UA, Nezu is not the principal, and the HPSC is in charge of almost everything.) The plan they come up with involves Shouto failing the recommended exam, then disappearing the day results arrive home. Izuku, meanwhile, attends the regular exam and sees how the whole points system benefits those with flashier quirks and easily aimed egos. He gets to talking with a lot of hero hopefuls and sort of steals them out from under UA when their applications are rejected. They move into an abandoned sector of outer Tokyo and start working as vigilantes. Dadzawa makes an appearance, as if summoned by the horde of teenagers with no form of parental guidance to speak of.

No Rest for the Wicked (Or The Damned) - Person Of Interest AU. Instead of apologizing to Izuku when he asked if he could still be a hero without a quirk, Inko points out the other ways he can be a hero, by building the things they would need to fight crime. Figuring that one of the main problems with villains is that no one knows when they're going to attack, Izuku creates an intelligent program that can assess a high volume of data and extrapolate when and where a villain attack will take place, and who the villain will be. When his mom is killed and he's badly injured in an attack his AI predicted, Izuku realizes that no one is taking his information seriously because he's quirkless. He decides to take matters into his own hands and reaches out to an unlikely helper. Dabi doesn't know why this kid decided he was the best option to stop a lot of the more violent crime he somehow knows is going to happen, but he promised and then delivered Endeavor's fall from grace, so he's willing to see where this goes.

Binary Stars - Slight Megamind AU. Before their respective planets were destroyed, Izuku and Bakugou were placed in small space pods and sent towards Earth. Bakugou's people were warriors who looked enough like humans that they intermarried (unbeknownst to humans), thus bringing about the first quirks. Izuku's people, however, are survivors. Their planet was populated by predators so their greatest asset was their ability to camouflage themselves. As Bakugou's people often hunted Izuku's people, they gained a sort of sixth sense for them, which is why Izuku's very presence pisses Bakugou off. (All for One is from Bakugou's planet. He was exiled for stealing power. The last power he stole was what he gave his brother, and the brother always resented him for getting them both sent away.) Izuku still receives OfA, and is the first of his species to have a quirk/power like that.

The Wings of Icarus - Spy AU. Todoroki Shouto works for Yuuei, an espionage agency run by his father. He's been training practically since birth, no thanks to his father, and is second in the spy business only to a person known as Icarus. When something goes wrong on a mission, he is rescued by a short man with freckles and deep green eyes shortly before he passes out. He is found at one of the entrances to Yuuei with a note from Icarus to the tune of "I think you lost this", making Shouto the only person to have actually seen Icarus. Meanwhile, Nezu is running a small but successful info brokerage out of a bakery with three kids he picked up off the streets years before: Izuku, Shinsou, and Hatsume. Codenames: Icarus, Psyche, and Daedalus, respectively. Nezu is known as Zeus.

Dark is the Night (Momo is Batman: version 1) ​ - Based on an idea from @terrible-my-hero-academia-aus​ . Momo loses her parents in a villain attack when she's eight. She throws herself into her studies in earnest, determined to be a hero. In the meantime, however, she has a hard time ignoring all of the hardship she sees on the streets, all of the crimes that go unanswered.  However, to duck the vigilantism laws and disguise her identity, she wears a suit that covers every part of her body (think Cassandra Cain as Batgirl) because no one would assume that someone with a creation quirk that needed exposed skin to function was under it. She produces everything she needs at home. Aizawa notices that there's someone off about Yaomomo, something fake. It isn't until he runs into her on patrol that he figures something out.

Used to the Darkness (Momo is Batman: version 2) - Based on an idea from @terrible-my-hero-academia-aus​ . Bruce Wayne was reincarnated as Yaoyorozu Momo. She remembers everything about her previous life, but she has adapt all of the fighting training she knows to her new female body. The intelligence and detective skills are useful in this new world, especially since a good portion of logic and deduction has fallen by the wayside for the majority of those in law enforcement. The quirk is something else to get used to, but it's highly effective at producing materials of various things needed for vigilantism. She's interested to see how far she can take the limits of the superpower this universe had given her. At the very least, she's more than capable of recreating the gear she had. Even though her parents haven't died in this universe, she still ends up going out at night and trying to help in whatever way she can. Upon meeting and befriending Todoroki Shouto, she realizes the good she can be in this universe. She attacked the corruption in Gotham wherever she could. Why shouldn't she be able to do the same here? The night is still dark and the people who hide in it are the same cowards they've always been. It's about time someone reminded them that the dark hides more than just their actions.

A Rose By Any Other Name (AKA the Haruhi AU) - Based on a prompt found on @rayshippouuchiha‘s blog. Midoriya Izumi is having trouble staying in uniform after starting middle school because her bullies have decided to step up the abuse a little bit and keep burning them. She had three sets of uniforms, and all three are burned by the third day of classes. What's more, the nurse doesn't have any spare girls uniforms and her teacher insists that she needs to be in uniform and not in her gym outfit. Since the nurse does have a boys uniform that would fit her, Izumi elects to follow her teacher's instructions and shows up in a boys uniform as she doesn't care as much about the clothes she's wearing as she does about following what her teacher said. Cue a gender identity crisis. AO3

Nothing But The Truth - Izuku is hit by a truth quirk while out on patrol and Aizawa is made to babysit him until it wears off. Although he tries to avoid more sensitive lines of questioning, Aizawa asks about his analysis notebooks and ends up accidentally learning about One For All, Izuku's life prior to receiving it, and what his Problem Child's true goals regarding heroism are. (Might become a series with this as a oneshot, or a multi-chapter story as originally planned.)

Panacea - Izuku has a hidden quirk his whole life, one that people didn't even consider could be a quirk. He has a super-powered immune system, and it can and will treat damaging quirks as an infection to fight. His burns from Bakugou's quirk heal faster and faster, emitter quirks used on him start to be less effective after the first couple of times until they don't work at all. He has the ultimate cure in his blood and no way to share it. And then he receives One For All, a powerful stockpiling quirk with a secondary aspect that makes it capable of passing from person to person regardless of heritage. Izuku doesn't realize it, but his invisible quirk got a free pass to start changing the world, one touch at a time. (Possible Dad For One) (Just had the stupid thought that Izuku's quirk is basically Cure For All)

Prototype - While getting scolded after the Slime Villain incident, an underground hero known as Prototype shows up and forces the other pros on the scene to back off. They then walk Izuku home (accidentally forcing him to miss All Might's offer). During the walk, Izuku confesses that he is giving up on his dream of being a hero since everyone says it's impossible. Prototype points out that Izuku was the only one on the scene who was thinking about a solution from more than one angle, which is a useful skill for an underground hero to have. They offer to take him on as their apprentice in the underground, promising that if he still wants to be a hero, an apprenticeship would be more flexible and faster than trying to become a hero through one of the heroics schools. They advise Izuku to think about it and discuss it with his mom, since he would probably be spending a lot of time training out of the house and not every parent is willing to let their child basically move in with someone they barely know. Izuku, after talking things over with his mom, decides to go for it, embarking on a totally different journey to being a hero than he ever expected.

Yesterday's Sunshine (A Storm On The Rise) - Based on @hey-hamlet's End of An Era AU in which the mind of a 19 year old Izuku fighting a losing battle against Paranormal Liberation Front and the League of Villains is sent back to his 14 year old body, a mere month after he started training with All Might. He is traumatized and trying to hide the fact that he is shocked to see the people he knows died walking around again, untouched and whole. He's determined to make everything better this time, to keep his loved ones from dying or betraying him in the worst ways. He also needs to try and stay ahead of the people around him, who are trying to figure out why this child who shouldn't have encountered many villains in his life, is so terrifyingly good at putting them down hard. (I'm considering adding an aspect of DFO.)

Searching for Tododeku - Or Five Times Shouto Tricks Midoriya Into A Date and One Time Midoriya Asks Him Instead. Featuring semi oblivious Izuku, Shouto stealth-competing for the title of supreme memelord with Kaminari, and a cameo of Endeavor's crippling addiction to tabloid magazines.

Planar Shift - An All For One-Izuku body swap just weeks prior to a fight that would have left AFO and All Might both greviously injured. Izuku is quick to realize that the person he ended up in doesn't seem to be a nice person (and he tries not to think about what it would mean if the person is in his body around Kacchan) and has a lot more quirks than a person should have. His childhood doctor is there, as is a strange boy with delicate skin, a disintegration quirk, and a love of video games but little else. Then there's the purple mist person who reads as both alive and dead to one of Izuku's new quirks. When he figures out that All Might is trying to track this villain down (and will probably think it's a trick if Izuku tries to explain his situation), he decides that he should get himself, the kid, and the not-dead-but-not-alive person out of there. He doesn't know how long he's going to be in this body, but he wants to be the hero those two need, even if he's technically a villain.

Environmental Damage - Hitman Izuku AU. When Izuku's mother is killed when he's young, he manages to track down the killer but the police won't take him seriously because he's quirkless. Neither will any of the heroes he approached with it. So instead he goes back to the criminal underground where he found most of his information and talks to an assassin who had a soft spot for him. Izuku agreed to become the man's apprentice so he can take out the person who killed his mother himself. After that, he starts selling his services to people who can't get out of bad situations, offering a much reduced rate compared to other contract killers. Then a kid his age with red and white hair approaches him about killing the Number Two hero.

Summertime and Seaglass - Aizawa keeps running into this mute homeless kid on his patrols. He's not sure what to make of him, except that he needs someone to care for him, especially as the nights are getting colder. Treating the kid a bit like an abused and feral cat, he starts taking food with him to offer the kid when they meet up. It's more or less an accident when he learns the kid's name is Midoriya Izuku, a child thought to be dead and burned three years before when he and his mother were caught in a villain attack that was ended violently by Endeavor. Aizawa wants to give Midoriya and all of the other victims of Endeavor's carelessness the justice they deserve, and maybe by the time he's done the kid will let him bring him in from the cold.

The Importance of Being Batman - (Based on an idea from @terrible-my-hero-academia-aus​ .) Izuku spends a lot of time on forums for quirkless people, getting support and advice from other people like him who don't have a quirk. He gets the attention of an old Admin, Toshinori, and they talk about heroics, pre-quirk comic books, and the importance of representation and symbols in modern media and culture. After failing to get into heroics in the entrance exam, Izuku shifts his focus slightly. Batman didn't have any special powers in the comics, but he was one of the best heroes in his universe. Izuku decides that if he can build the skills, knowledge and (most importantly) money to become his own version of Batman, that would be almost like being a hero. It's time that society learns that 'useless' is a matter of choice, not birth, and even someone who doesn't have a quirk can do incredible things.

[stellocchia]

Here’s an analysis of the “Tommy’s Plan To Kill Dream” stream (part 2)

Continuation of this here (though it really isn’t needed to read that one to read this as I will be recapping a bit as I go): https://stellocchia.tumblr.com/post/645995202162671616/heres-an-analysis-of-the-tommys-plan-to-kill

This is the less intense part of the stream. They already talked about their plans to kill Dream (well, Tommy’s plan that Tubbo is VERY reluctant about and Ranboo agrees with). We’re moving into the gathering resources for the surveilance post part now. 

As always moving forward I’ll be soley talking about the characters and, for the dialogue, this are the respective colors: Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Ghostbur.

Analysis under the cut as always

So let’s start off with the obvious: I absolutely love how protective Tubbo and Ranboo are of Tommy, I’m glad he has people who actually care in his life right now. We have various examples of this throughout the stream, but the first one is Tommy seeing a creeper, backing off immediatly (because of his hightened fear of pain, aslo known as algophobia apparently) and them immediately destroying the threat. Of course this is also because they don’t want Snowchester blown up, but it’s still sweet nonetheless. 

He also opens up about his algophobia right after to them and asks for some armour, which Tubbo actually provides.

“You’re wearing Dream’s armour, aren’t you Tubbo?” “Yeah” “Okay, I wouldn’t- I genuinely would advice not. Anything that that man’s fucking been too near you don’t wanna be using” Tommy’s fear of Dream by now is just all encompassing. It is also quite peculiar that he would say this while still using Dream’s trident (right? It’s still his right?), though that could simply be because he puts himself in the category of “things that have been too near Dream” by now and really can’t be affected more then he already has been, though this is just a theory. 

Same thing as with the creeper happens with a skeleton a couple minutes later.

“What happened? Holy crap” “Tubbo he beat me to death, he punched me to death” Bee duo starting to realize how serious Tommy’s situation is right after the scheleton encounter because Tommy was just genuinely panicking. 

“Pain it feels so much more real now, ‘cause I know what’s on the other side” “Surely doesn’t that give closure?” “No... no it gives quite the opposite Tubbo” And what a good choice that was narratively speaking! If death did give closure as us and the characters in the story themselves expected, with resurrection it would be meaningless. This way though, death has just as much narrative weight as if resurrection wasn’t there, which is what you want in a story. 

“On a side note for you two: Sam Nook great guy! Really lovely guy! Awesamdude is a bastard and does not deserve to be running that prison. If he let me die he failed his job” We can see that Tommy’s perception of the warden’s duty is strickingly different from Sam’s. To Tommy the top priority should be protecting others from Dream (even if it means compromising the security of the prison), while to Sam the top priority is keeping Dream locked up.

“My therapy update!” We all knew I had to include this one. It’s actually really great because: 

1) Him actually reacheing out to Puffy to get therapy means that he actually recognises that he needs help and is willing to ask for it, which is the first step towards healing

2) Him acting so happy about it is actually such a good message for the younger viewers to see that therapy is nothing to be afraid of and it’s not taboo

One more thing we had him wanting to remove his own statues as they’re a grim reminder of his death in a scene that is very similar to Tubbo on the 16th asking to remove the decorations of the day of his execution. 

“I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to... try and kill Dream. I don’t know how canon lives work for you anymore, but I only got one left” As I pointed out in the other post the 2 main reasons why Tubbo is reluctant about the plan are that he’s on his last life and that he managed to build a life for himself with Snowchester and Ranboo that he doesn’t wanna loose. 

“Listen guys, I’ve experienced death now, it doesn’t matter how many lives I have left now, I’m NOT willing to go through that again” “Yeah that makes sense actually, that makes sense” This is an interesting question though of how many lives he re-acquired. We know Jack came back with 3 when he did it, but then again, normal rules don’t seem to apply to Jack Manifold. Also I wanted to include Ranboo’s quote there just because he’s literally been nothing but supportive and I love him for it. 

Also all 3 teens decide at once that ignoring the Egg will most definitely make the problem go away, because that has always worked in the past of course! (Also, honestly, good for them. Let the adults take care of something for once!)

“I’m not very god at smal- that’s not true” “Mhmm” “So eh... you guys heard The News?” “The news about what?” “The news about...?” “You know... what-what’s been happening...” “What’s been happening?” “About- about umm... George”  “About George? What happened with the Gogmeinster?” “Oh yeah, he got banned! Twice” “No no, he... he grew a third ear” “Really? Oh man!” “Oh yeah! I’ve seen a photo of that on instagram!” So, aside from this being so funny, the reason I’m highlighting it is because if there is one thing Tommy never struggled with in the past it was small talk. He could literally start blabbering with anyone about anything, no matter how dumb, with absolute confidence. Now he’s struggling with everything (both here and later in the Nether we have similar scenes for it). He is insecure about everything he says and socializing seems much harder for him. Regardless both Tubbo and Ranboo still go along with everything he says with absolute confidence, which seems to help him quite a bit. Considering that his biggest desire seems to be to be treated the same as he was before having them not pointing out his obvious insecurity (while still very obviously noticing it) is probably quite a big thing for him. 

“Why are Punz’s eyes red?” “Why? Oh- Where is Punz?” “Oh, that might mean we have to kill him, he might kill us on sight” “Yeah, he might try to kill you. Where are you Tommy by any me- where are you?” “Yeah, stay away from him” “No I can fucking take him man!” “No because you get scared of damage...” “Tommy... yeah” “I don’t get scared of damage!” “That’s not true” “Tommy where are you?” I loved this scene so much! Tommy didn’t actually even see Punz here, he only saw his face on the players tab, but the other two were immediately on the defensive. Also this is what I mean when I say that it’s not that they don’t acknowledge Tommy’s situation, they’re just trying to give him some normalcy, because, as soon as he is in any actual or perceived danger they’re immediately in high alert. 

“You’re like a living ghost” “I think that’s just called a human Tubbo” “You’re like a human” “That’s just called someone who is alive” “You’re treating me differently” So two things here: 

1) Tubbo still has a lot of confusion towards the whole revival process an that’s what he was trying to express. Ranboo was not particularly happy with his choice of words though and kinda got the defensive tone again

2) Tommy shuts down very fast any time any kind of change is mentioned. In this case the change being Tubbo’s perception of him.

That said they manage to recover the situation really fast with Ranboo making a comparison between Tommy and Jesus (they’re teenagers, what can I say?)

“Tubbo I feel like we’ve grown less close while I’ve been in prison and dead” “That’s ‘cause you’ve been gone for such a long time...” “Do you like me less?” “Nope!” “Well it feels like you do” “Well, that’s all in your head then!” “No” “Maybe you superpower is immagination” “Maybe my superpower is anxiety” Well Tommy, do my job for me, will you? But yes, these kind of thoughts (fretting about what others, especially your friends or family think of you) is extremely common for individuals suffering from anxiety disorders. Also what Tubbo did here was really important, even if it is the bare minimum, he still provided the ressurance his friend needed and that’s good of him. Also, while Tommy’s dependence on Tubbo does shine through quite a bit during this stream Tubbo does continuosly set up healthy boundaries for them (introducing and keeping firm on his relationship with Ranboo and admitting that they did grow apart a bit and he is still confused about Tommy for example), which is extremely good. Ranboo is also presenting himself as a viable option for emotional support, which will actually be good for Tommy in the future as this would mean breaking out of the habit that was ingrained in him of relying on one single person every time. 

“I’m not afraid of anything! The only thing I’m afraid of is, you know, waking up in the morning and...” “The- the thing your afraid of is waking up in the- are you alright? Are you- are you alright man? Are you good?” That’s concerning! But, again, very fitting with his newfound extreme anxiety he seems to be experiencing. Also ConcernedBoo, he just care about his friends and is worried. Pretty sure Tommy fits together with Michael and Tubbo in the circle of people he’s willing to protect.

Also, in case people were wondering, Ghostbur wasn’t handing out sugar because he was a fake Ghostbur, but just because Ranboo gave it to him and it was the only thing he had. Same goes for Tommy calling Ghostbur “Wilbur” and acting as if he was Alivebur and Ghostbur only correcting him after quite a while: it’s not because he’s fake, it’s because he gave permission to Tommy specifically to do so before. As I mentioned in the other post their relationship is complicated, but Ghostbur very much cares for Tommy a whole lot and he came back specifically because he heard Tommy needed help again, it’s not so weird he’d allow him to do stuff he doesn’t allow for others.

“Last time I spoke to you was like a few days ago...” Now, as some people pointed out this could simply be Ghostbur memory being sort of foggy and him not realizing how much time passed. But the OTHER theory is that he remembers talking to Phantommy (which we know happened thanks to Quackity’s lore, as they visited Glatt’s gym together). Honestly both are plausible (if the first one was true then meeting Phantommy may have simply made him upset and he could have forgotten about it, or perhaps he could have just forgotten that Tommy was dead). 

“Ghostbur do you want him (Wilbur) to come back? Because I- I don’t. I don’t think that I do ever” “It’s... I... umm, hm. The-the world needs structure and order and he- he was good at that. He did that-” “No. The world needs less villains and he was a villain if I’ve ever seen one” “But a- a villain is just- is- sometimes the line’s a little blurry. You could say a little blurry, a tiny bit, it’s like a- a villain it’s just a hero you haven’t convinced yet” Now, as much as I love Ghostbur he’s half wrong here. Let me explain: 

Simply put not all bad people can be redeemed for one thing (for example someone like Dream could never be redeemed because he hurt so many people in such horrible ways without ever regretting it), and secondly describing a villain as a “hero YOU HAVEN’T CONVINCED yet” puts the responsability of that persnon’s actions on their victims. As a matter of fact it’s most definitely NOT up to the ones who’ve been hurt to reabilitate the ones who hurt them (which is why Sam managing the prison now is considerable a conflict of interests). They shouldn’t even be forced to forgive that person if the person DOES change for the better. And here’s the crux of the issue: Wilbur hurt a LOT of people. He hurt Tubbo, he hurt Niki, he hurt Fundy, he hurt everyone who joined Pogtopia. And more then anything else he hurt Tommy. He was abusive and manipulative towards him and Tommy has every right to never forgive him. He has every right to be scared of him and regard him purely as a villain, because that’s what he was for him towards the end of his life. 

Ghostbur bringing him back in the hopes that he’s changed at all just means that, once again, the responsability of his possible reabilitation will be left entirely on the shoulders of the teens of the server and the same goes for if there is NO reabilitation. The destruction will, once more, be left for them to deal with. Tommy specifically will have one more person who abused him to deal with. Wether Wilbur will or will not ally himself with Dream doesn’t matter, because he was still a destructive individual on his own (despite of course being that way because of his own mental spiral, but that just makes him more sympathetic, it doesn’t justify his actions nor make them any less hurtful for those around him). 

Also Wilbur’s been dead for 10-12 years in Limbo time, I can’t imagine that doing wonders for his mental state...

There is a scene after that conversation where Tommy was talking about how being dead was, Tubbo asked a question about it and Tommy got upset. Of course the others got confused about his reactions since ha was already talking about, so, to clarify: the probable reason why anyone (aside from Ghostbur apparently) asking him questions about it upsets him is probably because of Dream. He mentioned multiple times now that Dream treating his death as a science experiment when he revived him was extremely traumatic for him. He hates the idea of being “just science” to the people around him. Ghostbur seem to be an exception to this, but that may be because Tommy seems predisposed to just trust Ghostbur more from an emotonal stand-point (perhaps because he reminds him of how Wilbur used to be before he spiraled). 

“I love monster energy” “Monster energy is kind of scary...” “Mhm, it’s for monsters...” Man the very low-key constant self-deprecation sure it’s kinda worrying... I really do hope that someone will help him with his very obvious sef-esteem issues at some point.

“He (Wilbur) spent a lot of time around a bad guy. He spent around a decade, you said, around Schlatt and Schlatt- Schlatt’s the bed guy, Right?” “I don’t think Schlatt’s the only bad guy” “Him and Eret are the bad guys, right?” Once again Ghostbur’s view of things is very naive and still very much stuck in the past. It’s been so long now since Eret betrayal, and they tried to redeem themselves since. Meanwhile it’s also been months since Schlatt died, and, even back when he was alive, he was far from being the only arguably bad person, Wilbur being right there along with him if we consider what his actions caused. And now we have Dream and the Egg, we have Quackity indulging in torture, we have the syndacate having a gestapo arc, we have Jack back on his goal of killing a teen. We can be sympathetic toward many of this people, but this doesn’t change the fact that they hurt others a lot or that their objectives or actions are objectively morally wrong in some cases. By now it’s honestly pretty hard to draw the line of who IS and ISN’T a bad guy.

“Cobble is GOOD, people don’t like it when I use cobble though...” Again, the usual self confidence is completely lacking. This is worse then post exile: back then he still had the full confidence to build an ugly cbblestone tower on Techno’s front lawn, now even using a bit of cobblestone makes him self-concious. 

Also apparently Sam instructed Sam Nook to keep Tommy specifically away from the prison for his own safety. Man’s still looking after him even if he probably won’t manage to do it directly for a while (at least until Tommy forgives him, if he does).

That’s pretty much it! It’s everything I’d consider important that I could find in the stream!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Top five fanfics?

Oh fuck (gets shot)

Well, I shot myself in the foot with that one.

Keep in mind, these are in no particular order, and I'm a bit of a pleb when it comes to reading fanfic. I just tend to like what's popular or stuff written by my friends.

I need to give Height Treason by @wholesomeklei a huge shout-out.

I'm not sure if this fic will ever be continued or not. Last I heard of Klei, they had a cancer scare (it wasn't) updated a chapter about Sizz-lorr and then vanished from the internet entirely. I hope they're taking a much needed break from online stuff and nothing bad happened to them.

But anyways, I can not thank Height Treason enough for existing. It gells with the humor of canon so seemlessly it feels like I'm watching an "Invader Zim after dark" show. Yes, even despite the not safe for work canon.

I love the lore they weave and I'm always a fan of "zim finds out the truth of his mission and schmoops and gets revenge on the Irken empire" stories. Also Pining Zim has my whole heart.

And it even paints side characters with much love.

Membrane tries his best and sucks at parenting and it inspired me greatly for how I write and came to understand Membrane as a character.

Miss Bitters is a delight. Sargent Slabrankle gets a cameo. Tak's ship has an existential crisis. Gosshloog gets an entire chapter about a spicy love afair with his boss. Zim's Computer is his usual sassy self and has ackward conversations with a frustrated teenage Dib.

Like the love for the side characters is amazing.

Height Treason was the fanfic that inspired me to write an entire fanfiction based on Computer Brain lore.

The lore is amazing, it's in character and this fic inspired me SO MUCH and is the reason that Tech Support (and the Brainbrane fic by extension) even exists.

I've probably reread this fic over twenty times.

However, I can't link the fic here, since it's VERY nsfw. As in, explicit sex scenes later. (The chapter where zim learns sex education is great)

So I can't link it, but it's easily searchable on A03.

If you're of age, and don't mind nsfw I highly recommend it.

Honesty Hour by @patchworkpoltergeist is one of those new fandom classics.

Like I don't even know how describe this fic.

Honesty Hour chills me to the core and has me looking at my ceiling for hours on end questioning my own existence.

Like it's Zim gets therapy, but in a psychological horror way.

Patch is a master wordsmith and just has a way of describing things. Everything is in the details.

I just love how Zim thinks and that half the time I don't know what's going on as much as Zim does. Which is honestly more scary then I think.

There's lots of details that I miss and usually after talking about the chapter with Patch or the Moo-ping10 gang, I realize "oh fuck that's what happened?! The hell"

Anyways. I fear and look forward to every update.

But I honestly have to run a mental health check before I even attempt to read the chapters.

Emotions, Cryptids and the possible end of the world series by @bamsara

I feel Bamsara does onto theirself and I don't need to sing her fics praises but I will.

I am a bit behind on my reading, cause I haven't read the latest chapter of Galaxy Days yet.

But I love the casual yet feral friendship Dib and Zim have built throughout this series.

There's just a constant yearning throughout the whole thing, and the two boys are at the center of it all. Like the feeling of a real long road trip with no destination in mind. That's often what these series of fics feel like. There's an underlying tenderness and longing but also something dark and sinister. A lot of moments stay in my head for days after the fact. Not just the cryptids of the fic, but the smaller moments. Zim and Dib having breakfast in France as the sun rises, Dib crying his eyes out in a dingy motel room near the beach, Zim breaking into Dib's hospital room in the dark, Dib attacking Zim in a fit of insomnia hallucinations....

The list goes on.

There's plenty of good moments, and I've even drawn Zim giving Dib space (cause that's the fucking gayest romantic thing and I still lie in bed thinking about it)

Also Dib constantly running into Death's arms and Zim often doing fisticuffs with her and both getting stupid trauma over stupid decisions is very good.

I feel a lot of Sara's soul in these fics and it shows. Especially with how Dib is written and I can tell this is an extremely personal project with passion behind it and I can't help but admire that.

Every star another sun series by @dionysuscrysis

I really love this series. The end.

Okay, unfair.

But Dion's series really needs more views and appreciation.

I like how it just skips over the "zim and dib become friends somehow....realizes mission is fake..yadda yadda" part of the story and just jumps right into the thick of it.

Space Adventures! Wooooo!!!!

A giant sandworm, a Battle Zoo!!! An alien spa, badass good guy Skoodge, and mad max style sci-fi racing.

And I'm glad that Dib is already in his early twenties here. And Dib is just so smart with machines and not a complete lost duck in space. He's sharp as a tack and dumb as an ox this boy and I love him very much.

Lol I'm old. I'm sick of seeing teenage drama sometimes.

And I can also feel a lot of Dion's soul in their fics.

Lots of hurt comfort in here....

It's actually kinda like the Bamsara effect in reverse...

Instead of Dib throwing himself head first into danger...

Zim is the one doing it.

And Dib thinks an appropriate way to fix this is throw himself at the same danger.

Idiots.

Help them.

Parade of Indignities by @rissynicole

Finished recently and since then my heart has never known peace.

It's one of those fandom classics that I ended up reading due to Bamsara's fic recommendation list like roughly two years ago.

Rissy has a way with words and their strengths lend themselves to action scenes extremely well.

Zim finds himself critically ill and it's up to Dib to travel back to irken space to save him.

Thats the basic premise but there is so much more.

A conspiracy, involving the other Invaders, Zim's massive wall of denial, and how everything Zadf happens from Dib's perspective.

I remember reading all the available chapters (like 15 of them) all in one night until 5am the first time I read it.

It's a master suspense and thriller story and I enjoyed it very much.

I still have to leave a huge comment.

Also honorable recommendations:

@melodyofthevoid 's Royalty AU.

....just. it good. Save these kids.

And ofc me and @paketdimensioncomic 's collab fics:

"Jerking around the House" and "Membrane's guide to be a better parent, lose your fucking arms"

You're a delight to work with and I love how your writing style compliments my insane ramblings so they're less wordy.

Also gotta give a shout-out to my Baby Tech Support.

Is it vain to plug your own fics? Maybe.

Do I care.

Nah.

I love my stuff. And I'm glad others do too.