#i’m genuinely super happy and proud of how this one came out and it’s very true to me

[snoodlebooper]

i remade my welcome home sona!!🐛🐛

[sourpatchys]

My personal Headcannons for Daryl Dixon that I will defend with my life

Just a warning! there is some nsfw❤️‍🔥 content in this list (not a ton)

This is a list full of random Headcannons I have, some are xreader related, some are just fun little things I’d like to believe because they’re fun

He l o v e s head scratches and chin scratches, just like a dog, his mom used to do it to him as a kid, it’s just really comforting to him

He is 100% dyslexic, he’s super insecure about it, which is why he leaves reading and writing up to anyone else who’s willing to do it.

This dude is secretly a math wiz. It came super easy to him, but he does tend to keep it on the down low because it was never something he was allowed to be proud of as a child, and it’s not really a needed skill anymore

I personally do not believe Daryl did anything hard while running around with Merle, Shrooms and weed were his limit 99.99% of the time, unless he felt pressured, but even then it would take a lot of convincing

He’s very self conscious about how thick his accent can get, he grew up in a much more rural area than the rest of Rick and Co. (apart from Maggie of course) and he feels out of place with his speech patterns at times.

Daryl was definitely a highschool drop out, assuming his birthday is January 6th, he left as soon as he was old enough to do it without a parent’s consent (18)

I just know this man never got his license. Can you imagine him paying his way through classes and taking a drivers test? I can’t. He probably just got a state ID for booze and just drove around illegally (if he got an ID at all, I’m sure he knew quite a few places that didn’t card)

He runs hot, the cold is a lot easier for him to handle than the heat, which is why he tended to wear sleeveless shirts or half sleeves

He has never had a “crush” in his life. He’s thought people were hot before, of course he has, but romance was never really on his mind

He’s not a total virgin, but he’s not exactly skilled either. His body count is probably 3, and I guarantee you he was not sober before, during, or after.

He’s a thigh and breast man. Hands down.

I know deep in my soul that this man enjoys some face sitting.

He’s not an overly sexual guy, if you were asexual he’d be okay with never doing anything, so long as you were happy

If you’re nonbinary, he was definitely mean to you at the start, with the way he was raised it simply didn’t make any since to him, BUT once you get closer and he starts to trust you, he might (he will) start asking some questions to understand you better

He isn’t a pet name kinda guy. He’s completely on board with calling you sunshine or princess, but anything past that just isn’t for him, and he really isn’t a fan of you giving him one either, unless it’s just a joking matter like how Carol calls him “pookie” from time to time

He’s a morning person and he hates it. He always wakes up at the ass crack of dawn, and every time he wishes he hadn’t.

He is definitely an insomniac, likely derived from having night terrors as a kid

He’s definitely self conscious about his scars, but not enough to cause issues if anyone happened to see them, he isn’t ashamed of them, but he doesn’t want to explain where their from, and he genuinely hasn’t thought of a good enough lie to tell instead.

When rick saw them for the first time Daryl had him fully convinced he was in a fight with a bear for about a week (rick never asked for the real reason)

He has a heavy sweet tooth, and likes to keep hard candy with him at all times (if possible) and he has never, and will never, pass up chocolate in any form.

He genuinely has chicken scratch for handwriting, he does not plan on ever attempting to make it easier to read, he enjoys the struggle people face when he’s put in a position where he has to write anything down. (Plus it helps conceal his errors if they do figure it out)

He does genuinely want kids in his life. Even if they can’t be his biologically. Being “uncle Daryl” is the best feeling he’s ever experienced, and he really wants to experience that with you if you’d allow it/want it (he would never pressure you to have kids)

Headaches and migraines plague his existence and they always have

He had super long hair as a kid and one of his punishments was his dad shaving it all off, which is why he kept it short until after the outbreak.

He would let you paint his toenails, or match his middle finger with whatever polish you decided to wear

This dude HATES clowns. Seeing a walker in a clown get up would absolutely kill him on the inside

You got sick? Don’t worry about it, he will absolutely attempt to make you soup from scratch using bone marrow and whatever else he can find

Fishing is not his thing. He knows how to, but he much prefers just catching them by hand or with a spear.

The closer you two get, the more likely he is to try and convince you that Bigfoot is real

Daryl is a secret star wars fan

He does NOT like country music, Led Zeppelin, Rob zombie, Ozzy osbourne and Lamb of god are much more his thing

He wasn’t a technology kind of guy, so if you tried to explain any aspect of social media to him he’d be completely lost (he didn’t even have a cellphone)

He has a super dry sense of humor

If he had to choose between starving to death or eating plain Cheerios, he would choose death.

One of the reasons he isn’t big on showering is because he doesn’t have a strong immune system from his childhood neglect, and he doesn’t want to shock his body and get sick

He also just hates the way soap feels on his skin. It’s way too sticky

During sex, he’s not strictly dominant or submissive, he’s ready to adapt to whatever you want, even if that means being strictly vanilla

He’s afraid of Santa Clause

And the Easter bunny

He’s willing to try anything once, even if he doesn’t think he’ll like it

He knows a lot of information on plants and herbs, so depending on your mood, he’ll try to find a flower to brighten your day with a little scribbled note explaining its meaning (because you can actually read his atrocious writing)

He’s never once told you he loves you, and your relationship wasn’t a spoken fact. His actions tend to speak louder than words, and if you say you love him, he will occasionally reply with a “back at ya.” Or “me too”

He always has weird shit in his pockets, like cool rocks he found, dead flowers, and fallen leaves.

He genuinely does not understand a single thing that Eugene says, and he never has.

The first time he ever kisses you on his own (you 100% have to make the first move) it’s a very rough and embarrassed act where he just grabs you and plants one in ya before you can even think about what’s happening

He will change his favorite color to whatever yours is, because if you can see beauty in it, then it’s all he can see from then on out

[eleanorandphantom]

tell us a bit about your DR and your relationships with the wards!! Maybe some cool things you guys do together

(I just wrote this entire thing out on the bus and when I got off it deleted so now I have to write this for the second time 😭)

but of course!! I’m so happy you asked, brace yourself because this is gonna be LONG (if you can’t tell, I love talking about my DR, especially my lovelies🩷🩷🩷)

be warned I will get side tracked at least twice

I’ll start with my momma, Miss Peregrine herself! 

About two weeks after I was born, my parents (who were both surprisingly peculiar) found me sprouting white fluffy tufts from my back(later I would discover I’m a Phoenix ymbryne) and they knew I wasn’t safe in America. They reached out to the ymbryne council and I was brought to Miss P before the loop was created. I grew up with her as my mother, and she taught me everything I know about being an ymbryne in training. She is my world, and I love her so dearly 

My favorite memory with her has to be when she started teaching me how to fly. I wasn’t the average ymbryne, I could sprout my wings without being in bird form, so I had to learn how to fly as a bird and as a human hybrid. Learning as a bird was wicked easy, as a human? Not so much. The way she taught me was using a swing set in our garden, which could swing a full 360. I would basically swing as fast as I can and have to jump and use my wings, which was very difficult when you’re 4 years old and scared of heights. It was quite amusing, but she had to hold back her hysteria to encourage me. We would go on flights together after that, it’s how we spend most of our time together

Now onto Claire! She is literally like a little sister to me, I love her so much 

(I didn’t script when each ward came, I’m leaving that to my consciousness because I suck at timeline stuff) when she arrived she was silent, she wouldn’t speak, she had the worst anxiety. I still stood by her side and showed her kindness and warmth, and she warmed up to me immediately, especially after I taught her the piano. She would follow me like a shadow and sometimes end up coming to my room after a nightmare to cuddle. After Olive arrived, she attached herself to Claire and brought out the bubbly energy into Claire, making them inseparable friends. I was so proud of Claire, she started talking a lot more and was genuinely so happy

I think my favorite memory with Claire was when we were at the beach playing chicken fight against Millard and Horace. Claire was on my shoulders and Horace was on Millard’s shoulders. At some point during the fight we got behind them and Claire nipped at Horace’s swimsuit with her back mouth and he screamed like a little girl. She started giggling and I sprouted my wings and shot us up 20ft in the air, throwing her up and catching her in my arms as we flew back down into the water, the entire time she laughed and smiled, her smile is so contagious (to say the least, Horace didn’t want to plus with us after that though)

Speaking of Horace, we grew to be great friends over our equal love of fashion. I was the seamstress of the household, making new clothes for everyone, especially for when we went to different loops, I made clothes for different timelines so we wouldn’t be caught by normals. At first we didn’t really talk since we didn’t know much about the other. Until one day he walked into my room to ask for something when he found me using my sewing machine. The look on his face was completely indescribable, but he immediately walked up to me and begged me to teach him all I know. We bonded over our love of fashion and grew super close, often hanging out or making witty jokes. 

One of my favorite memories with Horace was when it was his birthday (we have a calendar that keeps track of the days in the present so we can still celebrate events together) I ended up making him a 3 piece suit of his favorite fabric, navy blue silk velvet. I presented it to him at dinner and he bawled his eyes out, he would wear it for only special occasions and leaves it on a mannequin in his room to keep as a form of trophy. 

Onto Millard!! 

We actually immediately became friends with our love for books and reading, when he first came to us I showed him around the house and we didn’t leave the library till dinner time (we started in the morning) his favorite (fiction) books are dark mystery novels, he says they make him think more than any other kind of book, and he enjoys the suspense. He does enjoy nonfiction immensely, he loves to study maps, history, and languages. We actually study a lot of German and Russian together, it’s quite interesting 

My favorite memory with Millard was when we were out for a walk and it was quite windy out by the beach as normal. Millard (being unclothed as usual) got so much sand attached to him, we could sorta see him, he jumped into the ocean after that. It was honestly very funny, but he was so cold after that. Afterwards we all got him bundled up by the fireplace and gave him hot coco with extra marshmallows while he read us The Tales. It was truly a lovely day 

Onto Olive!!!

As I’ve stated, Olive is basically an energy filled bubbly girl in my DR. She is not afraid of much, other than hollows and being alone (oh and can’t forget, floating into the sky). She asked me to teach her piano after Claire learned, but she didn’t like the structure, so she ended up learning the pan flute instead! She’s actually pretty decent at it and it’s so sweet whenever she puts on little shows for us with Claire. She is a lot closer to Claire and Bronwyn, but we still hang out together often! 

One of my favorite memories with Olive was whenever she and Claire would ask Bronwyn and I to join their tea parties, they are always a delight. They would play with their dolls and instead of the usual Princess games, they would make them peasants in a royal kingdom and complain about the monarchy (they would do fake accents and everything, it’s adorable). It kind of reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, very satirical. 

Okay up next is Bronwyn, she’s literally like my best friend I love her so much 

She and I would often hang out together with the two girls but we mainly hang out to decompress and just chill. She loves my record player, and we like to dance together to music in my room. She also loves puzzles, especially 2000+ piece ones, I swear she finished one of those in three days, I don’t get how she can do that. Although she was more closed off after Vic died, it took her a few years to process, we stayed by her side no matter what. 

My favorite memories with Wyn are definitely our sleepovers. Her, Fiona, Emma and I would have an all older girls sleepover in my room and do a bunch of fun feminine activities like painting out nails, doing each other’s hair, etc. it was always the highlight of the week, especially if we were all stressed. We like to cuddle puddle, where we all cuddle on my bed, I’m normally up against Fiona but Bronwyn loves to cuddle with me. They all say that I’m the best cuddler, and if I’m being honest that makes me so happy 

Victor 

Oh goodness where do I start. Victor, Bronwyn and I were very close family like friends. We were always together and I was always there to help him, until that fateful day he died. It absolutely destroyed me, but it was 150% worse for Bronwyn. Everyone at the home was silent for a month, some went on longer. Miss peregrine was destroyed, at night she would sleep walk into my room and cradle me in her arms. But enough of the upset, let me tell you about life before he left 

Victor, Millard, and Hugh loved the play games together, he even made games like mixcrosse, (I’ll get into that later if anyone is interested!) He has a lovely singing voice, we would often sing duets together during our theater sessions (miss P wanted us to experience different forms of literature and we all loved theater so we ended up making a theater troupe!!) if I were to describe his voice, it would be like the Flea from Monster in Paris. 

My favorite memory with Vic was the night I took him out of the loop to visit the present, just for one day. I took him flying, brought him around modern day Cairnholm, we had ice cream, he was so happy. He couldn’t stand living in a loop, so the times I would bring him outside were cherished. I miss him dearly 

Next up is Fiona!!

She hangs around me when I’m baking, and often wants to help me cook and make food. She loves my cats, Oscar and Felipe, and often begs me to let them sleep with her which of course I let her! She’s very sweet, outgoing, but also very introverted and selectively mute. She doesn’t speak much to others besides Hugh and myself. Miss P ended up teaching us all ASL so we could all communicate better, Fiona was so happy she cried. 

I think my favorite memory with Fee was when we were decorating her room. Her room has pretty high ceilings, so I came up with an idea. I held her bridal style and sprouted my wings and flew us up to the ceiling where she used her seeds and peculiarity to make vines and wisteria flowers bloom all the way down, her room is absolutely gorgeous. Fresh flowers everywhere, she keeps it warm like a green house, and even Hugh lets his bees out to roam when they are in there together. 

Speaking of Hugh, him and I are good friends too! We don’t hang out just the two of us often, mainly cuz we hang out with Fee or Millard all together, but the times we do hang out alone are always delightful. We have extremely meaningful conversations, about our insecurities, inspirations, worries, etc. he often talks about his love for Fee, which is absolutely adorable. 

My favorite memory with Hugh was when we were on our morning walk and he found 10-15 bees in the forest. He was so happy, like stimming happy. He named them all and brought them home(that was the batch of bees Henry was apart of!!), I’ve never seen Fiona giggle so much, she thought it was the cutest thing ever. Of course Miss P was fine with the newest editions to the bee community that resided in Hugh’s stomach. 

Next onto Emma!

She and I are pretty close, especially after Abe left. She fell so deep into that relationship it took everything for us to dig her out of that. But besides her romantic life, she is hella strong. Miss P gave us self defense classes and she and I were up against each other and WOAH THIS GIRL CAN FIGHT, no wonder she pulled a knife on Jacob when they first met lol 

Besides her “firey” spirit, she is actual so soft when she’s tired. She will spill everything from her heart when she’s tired, and we have the most meaningful conversations when we are by the fire place just us two. This girl has been through so much and I’m so proud of her ❤️❤️

My favorite memory with Emma has to be during the classes we had, it was just so fun to see different sides of her. Not only that but swimming with her is so funny, she’ll light her fire under water and boil small sections, like we made a hot tub once entirely ourselves, although Miss P wasn’t too sure of its safety 

Next up is Jacob!

Yes I will call him Jacob and only Jacob, it pisses me off so much in the movie that they only call him “Jake” when in the books they never called him that. Okay enough of my ranting. One thing I am changing is the amount of time Jacob spent with us while in Cairnholm, I felt like it was very rushed. But during the time we spent, I felt kinda connected to him in a brotherly fashion. We would crack jokes and he’d make 2016 humor which none of us understood but still laughed with. I didn’t quite accept his and Emma’s relationship at first because of what happened with Abe, and also the fact that I’m a bit over protective of Emma. But after getting to know him I felt a little more comfortable with them, although it sucked whenever I would see them kiss and think it was Abe and her, trust me it was something to get used to 

Most of the memories with Jake are in the plot, but one of my favorite moments was the beach before everything happened. We just spent all day all together, it felt whole again, like we weren’t missing anything. It was so nice, I still look back fondly 

Last but not least, Enoch 

Although I’m shifting to the book version, I scripted Enoch to be the movie version with Enoch from the books personality. He is 17, and still has the same backstory as the book. (I have some opinions on the movie, but I watched the movie before I even knew the books existed, I watched it during a panic attack and it instantly calmed me down, which is why I have such a strong connection. I think the movie by itself without the book in mind is phenomenal, the setting, the storyline, the acting was kinda mid and I wished the children had more lines but other than that I still enjoyed it. But I think it sucks with the book in mind, they changed too much for no reason. But I digress) Enoch came to Cairnholm and we actually grew pretty close because of how interested I was in his peculiarity and his infatuation with mine. We grew very close and later on we would end up dating, he means the world to me in ways I cannot fathom properly. 

My favorite memories with him are the nights where we spent laying on the roof of the house watching the stars, my record player on my windowsill so we have some music to listen to. As much as he is an asshole, he has a soft spot for his loved ones, especially me, and it means the world to me to be with him 

That’s all for today!! If you’d like to hear about stuff that we do all together like activities, what kind of things we learn in class, theater stuff or little adventures I’d be more than happy to share, also if you have any questions about specific people I can do my best to answer! There are things I don’t feel comfortable sharing, such as relationships (not just my own, but also Hugh and Fiona, Emma and Jacob (eventually Noor) I hope you enjoyed my ramblings !! 

[ego-osbourne]

2023 Art Roundup

JAN - FEB - MAR - APR - MAY - JUN - JUL - AUG - SEP - OCT - NOV - DEC

(These aren’t entirely indicative of when I posted them, but when I actually finished them.)

These are some of my biggest/favorite projects through each month!

Piece details + Mod-posting below!

JAN - Asteía ; This was one of my first projects of the year that dealt with lighting, and additionally light from multiple sources! I also remember experimenting with backgrounds and how to make a character pop against a semi-detailed background without making them get lost in the piece.

FEB - Mora and Ego ; This was a good project on figuring out how to fill empty space while still keeping the atmosphere of a piece. It was also good perspective practice!

MAR - Sanguine and Ego ; Though I’m no longer too happy with the proportions or lighting of this piece, I still remember having a blast with it. Hearing feedback about them holding hands and Sanguine’s ear getting squished are very fun memories for me.

APR - Miraak and Ego ; This might be my favorite project of the whole year! Though I know I can do backgrounds better now, I remember being pretty confident and happy during the whole process! I think the motion/lighting/effects all came out very well :] ALSO it was the first piece I did with expressive masks for Miraak and Ego! Wahoo!

MAY - Mora and Ego (again) ; Though the last one was my personal favorite, I heard from a couple of friends that THIS was their favorite. Though a pain in the ASS to do, I’m especially happy with all the texture effects. This was also me experimenting with Mora’s design!

JUN - Erandur ; Not a particularly complicated/difficult piece, but one that was simply pure fun. Had a blast with lighting effects and atmosphere. It was also a good break from the family trip I was taking at the same time ,:]

JUL - Dagon ; Specifically his revamp! This was my first successful attempt at a (very) muscular body type that I liked! In fact, over the course of the year I’ve been pretty proud of my progress of expanding on body types. This one especially, though, was just very fun!

AUG - Iren and Rakell ; My first dive into a colored + shaded animatic (animation? It’s awful choppy lol)! FAR from perfect, but I was (and still am) so happy with the outcome. I particularly remember enjoying figuring out lines of movement and sound effects for the video.

SEP - Sanguine ; My first (and still only, though hopefully not for long) attempt at making Sanguine intimidating. I think this one is going in the right direction! As far as effects go, I actually had a very tough time with things because of a few layer-merging mishaps, but the final product was well-received!

OCT - The Warden ; After many-a night on Minecraft with friends, I realized just how much I loved the warden, and HAD to draw them. Redesigning characters is one of my absolute favorite things to do, especially when taking minimal details and expanding on them! They were super fun all around.

NOV - Miraak, Serana, Ego, and Ancano ; I’d been meaning to draw the siblings being siblings for a while now, but putting them all on one canvas was more than a little intimidating. I was so happy to have it done, though, and I kinda love seeing their colors clash together.

DEC - Sanguine (again) ; After not drawing him for so long, it was a blast doing so. The moment I was back home for winter break, I was ECSTATIC to get to work on this piece. #1 blorbo

~

This year has been an absolute ride.

I became a mod and then co-owner of the TES server that got me into making TDI and have made some really tight friendships over there (genuinely, anyone reading this who is/was in the cult server, I’m so damn happy to know you).

I’ve done some intense progress on TDI, and even though I didn’t QUITE accomplish my New Years Resolution of posting Ch. 1 this year, hopefully you can understand the drawbacks considering I am… //checks notes/// 70+ chapters in and still going.

I’m in college! Have been for a hot second now, but I’ve been working towards a ministry degree, and have future plans of getting a PhD after my bachelor’s so I can teach at a college level! I don’t think I talk a lot about my irl happenings, but hopefully that gives you an idea of why I might be a liiittle busy when it comes to writing. Ministry is an unforgiving degree when it comes to papers and meetings.

As earlier mentioned, I’ve learned how to do different body types, and am trying to find a good balance between shape language and inclusivity when it comes to bodies! I am… still struggling with feminine anatomy! Admittedly! But I’m willing to keep trying ,:]

And, overall, I (certainly hope I have) improved on my art. I have a much better sense of face shapes, line weights, and consistent details than I did at the beginning of the year. Always learning, but always improving, too!

I hope your year has gone well! Thank you so very much for checking out my blog. Tumblr has been a wonderful thing to get into and has led me to a lot of wonderful people. See you in the new year!

[caretaker-au]

you’re probably offline again, and I don’t know if anyone is gonna see this. but your au is genuinely one of my most favorite Undertale AUs ever. I have been in the Undertale fandom for a LONG time, but I don’t think there will ever be something as well written as the Caretaker AU again. the amount of research and love put into it is so cool. it truly does feel like something that could possibly happen in the actual canon and I LOVE it.

your version of Chara is also one of the most best portrayals of them I’ve EVER seen in the entire history of the fandom. when you began releasing the final chapters for the AU, I remember just sitting at my computer and rereading Chara’s lines over and over again. because their character was just so interesting to see in action. even when it was still a comic, their goddamn expressions and words are just so memorable to me. I still and always will have that little sadistic smile ingrained in my brain. (that also includes literally every character in comic even the background ones.) I love how you handle Chara as well, how you made them a horrible person but not totally unrealistic. like that one asker said, you feel bad for them, but just a LITTLE TINY bit. because they always screw up everything for themself and then go blame a 12 year old for it.

speaking of Frisk, your portrayal of them is definitely so very canon to me. I love their design and personality so much. they are so just relatable too, possibly one of the most realistic 12 year olds I’ve seen in a comic. they remind me a lot of me in a way, especially when I was 12 lol. I’m beyond happy they got a happy ending, they deserve it after, y’know, everything.

I wish you all luck on any other projects you may be working on. and I hope you are proud of what you have accomplished. :) you crafted a truly beautiful story. now if you don’t mind me, I’m just going to go reread everything again.

(take a shot every time I say ever lol, sorry for any spelling mistakes, thank you for reading it all)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Caretaker truly was a huge labor of love. I remember back when Ellipsis came up with the concept how it just gripped me like a bear trap. I couldn't stop thinking about it! Eruto felt the same way and was saying we should make a comic, and I was like, "no no, I don't want to do all that line art" but then she was like, you won't be alone we can draw it TOGETHER and then to demonstrate she took one of my super rough sketches and lined and colored it. And I was like, wow okay maybe this is feasible.

The resulting 3-ish years it felt like we were spending every waking hour working on Caretaker. I carried my sketchbook everywhere and would draw out thumbnails during my breaks at work, I'd be thinking about it on the drive home, and then we'd get on a discord call together to draw, line, and color for hours at a time. I could go on but the bottom line is that I LOVED IT. Each finished page (drawn or written!) fills me with pride and I look back fondly on the time spent creating and maintaining this blog together. It was exciting, compelling, and at many times exhausting, but worth it.

As far as the characterization goes, glad that you appreciate it! We reminded ourselves to never lose sight of the fact that Chara was still a human being--full of contradictions and ego and multiple-facets--but we didn't want to justify their behavior either. We all know people who are selfish, manipulative, and arrogant, but what happens when a person like that gets naïve enablement and never has to face any repercussions for their behavior? Without the correcting force that is LIFE, a cynical, angry, cruel child like Chara didn't have any reason to second-guess their worldview. Of course anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else!

This has already gotten kinda long, so all I'll say on Frisk is thank you and glad you agree! Personally, I knew some friends of the family who had kids about that age so I tried to reference their behavior in my mind when it came to writing Frisk. (Though most of Frisk's behaviors boil down to "RUN!!") Through the many discussions and occasional rewrites of this story, we always planned on ensuring Frisk had a happy ending. ♥

Thanks once again for the ask, and I hope you enjoy the reread!

[nctsmess]

Eunjae’s Relationships with: NCT Dream

Mark:

You can’t tell by how close and comfortable these two are now, but it took a while for Mark to get close to Eunjae

When Eunjae was still a trainee she had many high highs↗ but also many low lows ↘ and everything in between

She was very hard for Mark to understand and it definitely took him a second to even approach her

One day Eunjae noticed Mark having a hard time explaining something in Korean to another Korean trainee, so she walked up to them and told Mark to tell her whatever he needed to say in English so she could relay the message in Korean

Ever since Mark grew somewhat curious of Eunjae

She was weird to say the least, but it wasn’t a bad kind of weird at all

So Mark decided it wasn’t too bad of an idea to get to know Eunjae a bit more and he was happy he did because when SM told them she was debuting in NCT they were already close pals

Eunjae sometimes takes his role as the “group’s leader” too seriously and she looks at him as some kind of mentor

Mark had to reassure her that “hey, we’re friends, I’m not more or better than you. I’m just here to make sure things don’t get too chaotic.” Looks at Jeno holding Haechan in a choke hold “Well, I’m trying at least.”

You know how some idols are just weirdly in sync with random things they do?

That’s Mark and Eunjae for you

Eunjae also genuinely laughs at Mark’s dumb jokes (they both laugh super easily) and Dream’s just like: ??? “That’s funny to you?”

Mark’s super proud when he makes her laugh so soft

Talking in English in front of the dreamies to tease/annoy them? YUP! They understand them more now, so they don’t do it often anymore

All in all, super soft, cute, adorable relationship 10/10 would recommend

Renjun:

Renjun didn’t really like Eunjae that much when he joined SM

She was very outspoken and sometimes it came across as rude to Renjun

He felt like she was using her “seniority” to command other trainees around, but she was just trying to help out

When Eunjae realised Renjun didn’t seem to like her, she felt a bit hurt, annoyed and even confused, because “What did I ever do to him?”

Renjun is also known for not having the most patience some times, so when Eunjae started training with them and was struggling with basic dance moves his patience would run out a bit too quickly and Eunjae would catch him rolling his eyes multiple times at things she did wrong

It actually took the other members telling him he should be more patient for him to actually give Eunjae a chance

He’d start to see how much she actually practised and realised her lack of progress and skill wasn’t because she was lazy or slacking off

After that he felt really bad for judging her so quickly and even though he was just stressed sometimes because of his trainee life, he knew he couldn’t blame his previous behaviour on that

Even though the side glances and eye rolls stopped after that, it took until just a few months before Dream’s debut that Renjun and Eunjae started being actual friends

Now they’re the perfectly balanced duo

Renjun’s directness contrasts Eunjae’s naivety very well

When Renjun runs out of patience, Eunjae either tells the boys to hurry up or she stands by Renjun to “calm him down” or just keep his mind off things until the rest are ready

Also: vocals

You know how Renjun already sounds like and angel, but also loves harmonising with the other members?

Yeah get yourself Renjun harmonising with Eunjae and you’ll believe you’re in heaven

EunJun/JaeJun: A solid “started from the bottom now we’re here”/10 & a “shipname still pending...”

Jeno:

Out of all the members, Jeno and Jaemin probably understand Eunjae better than she understands herself

While the other Dream members kind of let her do her own thing while looking out for her, Jeno keeps Eunjae in check

You’ll see Jeno motioning to her to calm down (politely) when she (often with the rest of the maknae line) is getting too rowdy, or tell her to pay attention when she doesn’t notice someone else is talking

If necessary Jeno will carefully pull or push her around when they are in busy places to make sure she doesn’t get lost in the crowd

Overall Jeno and Eunjae are pretty chill

They enjoy having calm conversations and love “complaining” about how the other members never help in the dorm

Old grandparents vibes coming from these two and it annoys the other members to the core, but that just more fuel for those two to continue

When the members say that the way Jeno acts sometimes makes him look like he’s the maknae, it’s a 100 percent true

He usually denies it though, but when it comes to Eunjae he secretly loves being babied by her👀

He won’t go out of his way and act cute for her or anything, but he won’t push her away when she coos at him, ruffles his hair or squishes his cheeks

As long as she knows he’s still older than her at the end of the day he’s fine with it

Summarising: “Go be cute somewhere else”/10

Haechan:

Food is was 100% their love language

They’d sneak out during their trainee and early idol days to get dinner or just snacks

However once she got a lot of hate for her appearance her relationship with food was never the same

Her relationship with Haechan though ;) Still as strong as ever

Outside the usual teasing (which surprisingly he doesn’t tease her that much) he has a huge soft spot for Eunjae

He won’t be too clingy or touchy on camera (because some fans be tripping sometimes yk -_-) but he’s always keeping an eye out for her

During the time that Mark wasn’t in Dream, he, Jaemin and Jeno shared custody of Eunjae

“I’m not a child. I’m only a year younger than you.”

Eunjae is old enough to take care of herself, the boys know, BUT she just has a lot of small little things she does that make the boys Haechan worry about her

Like when she gets nervous and absentmindedly shakes her legs, or when she tries to bite at the skin around her nails, or when she pulls at the loose strands of her hair, or... I think you get the point: A LOT of nervous habits

Haechan is always the one to reach out for her hand or hold her knee so she’ll stop shaking it (They sit together during interviews)

If he didn’t she’d continue without noticing what she’s doing

She reminds him of Mark (a bit too much sometimes) and we all know how Haechan looks at and treats Mark ^^

He’ll purposely say and do things to confuse Eunjae because “she’s so cute when she looks lost”

This is a “I didn’t know Haechan could be so soft for someone”/10

Jaemin:

Let’s her be her natural weird self

He’s not “normal” either so it’s only fair

Jaemin treats Eunjae the same way he treats Chenle and Jisung

With utmost adoration in his eyes

They have this thing were Eunjae stands in front of him and he only has to slightly tiptoe to rest his chin on the top of her head, or she’ll just stand with her feet a bit further apart (that’s 10 cm of difference for ya)

Jaemin loves holding her in his arms whenever they are doing a live stream together with the dreamies

Like they’ll be completely silent, sitting on the far side of the screen just minding their own business

They don’t necessarily have to be talking, but every once in a while, Jaemin will whisper something in Eunjae’s ear and she giggles and then they continue playing with each other’s hands/fingers and... NOW EVERYONE IS JEALOUS OF THEM (＞﹏＜)

He’s biased, but Eunjae is the prettiest girl in his eyes

It’s not even about her looks (though she’s stunning), but he just loves her personality, flaws and all

They can gush about each other for hours

Are the ones in charge for cooking at the dreamies (+ Sungtaro) dorm

However it’s usually Eunjae cooking, since Jaemin gave up after the boys didn’t appreciate his cooking enough

They all seem to love Eunjae’s cooking, so she cooks almost everyday when they don’t have schedules, and Jaemin is her assistant

Giving 2Jae a “You’re the apple🍎 to my pie🥧”/10

Chenle:

If it weren’t for ChenJi, ChenJae would be thriving...

NCT’s official fangirl and fanboy right here

Listen exclusively to NCT songs and know all the choreography to NCT127 songs

They’re always laughing way too loud about dumb stuff

Eunjae would call Chenle her best friend, but she knows Chenle would fake gag at that so she doesn’t 🙃

Chenle acts like Eunjae is his annoying little sister he doesn’t want to have around, but instead of pushing her away he’ll hold her arm and tell her to leave him alone... 🤔 something isn’t adding up here

These two are actually such good friends, but you rarely get to see them alone

This is ChenJiJae domain and Eunjae is okay with being the third wheel

Chenle’s house? We already know Dream just walks in even if he isn’t home, but Eunjae takes it to a whole other level

Even when Chenle isn’t in Korea, she’ll just stay at his house for days

His mother and aunt have adopted Eunjae as if she was their own child

When possible Eunjae even flies to China to visit Chenle’s house/family there and no one even bats an eye to that

They’re actually siblings I’m sure of it

Chenle also likes cooking for Eunjae

Like Eunjae will provide the main dish from their favourite restaurant and Chenle makes the side dishes and then they’ll just sit down in his dining room and talk for hours

Making Eunjae flustered and teasing her is Chenle’s favourite hobby

He’ll throw her under the bus any time (nothing too serious though)

He knows her boundaries really well, so he’ll never cross it and when he realises someone is about to cross the line, he’ll shut them up or be at Eunjae’s side to cheer her up asap

Rating their relationship at a: “best siblings, you wish you were them”/10

Jisung:

Let’s remember that Eunjae used to be taller than everyone in Dream for a second ㅠ_ㅠ

This boy has no recollection of such a thing...

Goes out there poking fun at her height

And isn’t Eunjae supposed to be older than Jisung??

Jisung doesn’t call Chenle hyung and Eunjae is only a few months older than Chenle, so he decided by himself that it would be weird for him to call Eunjae noona

“I mean, if I called you noona, wouldn’t Chenle have to call you noona too?”

The disrespect  (¬_¬'')

But don’t worry, Eunjae doesn’t actually mind, she doesn’t even notice it and for the longest time Jisung did call her noona

He will however call her noona whenever he wants something

Does it work? Not most of the time

But the few times it does makes it all worth it

He likes it when Eunjae can be herself around them, she usually has to be careful with what she does when she’s on camera

And even though she is older than him, he has this proud smile on his face when he watches her have unadulterated fun

Jisung is Eunjae’s personal dance coach

Her weakest point was always dancing, so Jisung wanted to help her

That’s why they would spent a lot of time after group practise perfecting the choreo they just learned

Fans also noticed in 2018 how Eunjae’s dancing got a lot better and she said it was all thanks to Jisung in one of her VLIVES

Eunjae is literally so thankful for everything Jisung does for her and that results in her spoiling Jisung by buying him food or other things he needs/wants

But~~~ wherever Jisung and Eunjae are, Chenle is always lurking

I’m sorry for all you toll-smoll shippers, there’s only toll-medium-smoll here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Our maknae and Eunjae get a well deserved “Cuteness overload”/10

[ironicscavenger]

YEAR IN REVIEW | 2023

To be honest, I think 2023 belongs in the same garbage bin 2020 is rotting in. It started out fine. But as we reached the end, it got worse and worse. Still, I cannot resist looking back as I do every year.

While I did not achieve all my goals this year, I did do one: graduation. This is my greatest achievement, and one I’m super proud of. There’s also the one I almost achieved: finishing E04 of SNTM. I almost did it! Only a few videos left, which I hope to finish by February. But you know how it is: make plans, life runs over them. Anyway, here's what happened in the world of ironicscavenger in 2023.

THE HIGHTLIGHT

I’m not sure there was one on the blog itself, but I did graduate as a psychologist. However, I talked enough about that. Just know it was the highlight of my year. My mom said she hadn't seen me that genuinely happy in a while.

MY FAVORITE POST PER MONTH

Well, then, these are my favorite post for each month. Just to clarify, however many notes they got does not influence the decision to include them. As you can see, there are many gaps. Life got overwhelming this past couple of months. So, there’s very little done. Anyway, here goes.

January | I took an unexpectedly long hiatus and just played videogames for a while. So the end of the holiday special is the only post I got.

February | I made a sim for @madebycoffee’s BC.

March | Not a thing. Just two reblogs the entire month.

April | I was having problems with my computer and could not get back to sim stuff. But I did say hi, at least.

May | I worked on the Emerson story a bit. Also, I got a diagnosis for a problem I’ve been having all my life. The answers to a lot of questions, finally.

June | Once again, not a thing. I was finishing up school, and it was impossible to do anything but focus on that.

July | Same thing. Two reblogs, and that’s it.

August | It gets interesting again. I finished school, got a bit of a makeover for the blog, and got more active on social media.

September | SNTM got back, and I took some screens of Saffron and Piper in Chestnut Ridge. Honestly, it was just an excuse to put Piper on cowboy boots and cowboy hat. No regrets. Also, I decided to set up a discord server.

October | I had an incredible time at simblreen. But I honestly, I think everything stopped after the bombardments happened. I have mostly been blogging about Palestine since. So, you know, Free Palestine.

November | I published my simblreen treats (1 & 2 | 3), and kept reblogging about Palestine.

December | I did not feel the holiday spirit. I just had a quiet weekend with my parents and cousins that my mom was taking care of. SNTM came back again. Still talking about Palestine.

SNTM

Not a lot happened, but we are so close to finishing the episode. After I did a poll to decide the show's fate, I got a green light from all of you to make some changes. But I admit I’m not sure what I want to do yet. For now, the show goes on as it is. There’s a special episode that I’ve been planning since the beginning, and I really want to do it in video format. But it takes a lot on me. We shall see what happens.

Thank You!

This was not an easy year, but you guys are still here, following me. That’s gotta be some kind of miracle. I love you all so much. Even when it gets tough, I could never abandon this community. I’ll still be here, even when I no longer have anything to offer.

GOODBYE 2023! HELLO 2024!

May it bring us peace. That’s my only wish.  

Past Reviews: 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 | 2017

[maliceandvice]

Hey there... Just saw you reblog a post with tags about being unhinged with grief and how you relate except the guy being talked to in the post is your cat... You doing ok? Do you need to talk at all? If not feel free to ignore this. It's just, I've lost very special pets before and that post was so extremely accurately evocative of the worst parts of grieving over a pet and I can't NOT offer to help...

Oh, it’s very sweet of you, I appreciate it, thank you. Yeah that post kind hit the nail on the head. Yes, I lost my little special guy, Sunshine, about a month ago. I haven’t really spoken about it here since I tend to keep this account separate and quieter from my more public social media, but I’ve found talking about it does help so I don’t mind sharing and talking about him.

I got him when he was about 6 and he was fiv+, so he sat in the shelter for 6 months because no one wanted an older sick cat. Also all his teeth went bad a few months after I got him because he’d been so neglected let, so he only had 3 and was the silliest, most pathetic little gummy bear. But he was perfect. My little buddy. The sweetest guy, just wanted a bff to hold him and give him head kisses. He loved new friends and would roll over for tummy rubs from everyone he met. Never bit or scratched. Loved rolling in sun puddles and licking water out of the bathtub like a little weirdo. He slept in my arms every day, went feral for sour cream, and would tuck himself under my arm to read or play Switch together.

In January 2022 he was diagnosed with large cell GI lymphoma. We did 6 months of chemo for it. Every Friday we’d brave the traffic on the LA 101 to go to the oncologist, I’d wait for hours in the vet’s parking lot for him to finish his treatment because I wasn’t allowed in with him because of COVID, and then we’d drive back together. He was a brave little champion through the entire thing; I genuinely think his bright, happy little personality helped him through it because he just didn’t know how to feel upset or bad! That first treatment worked perfectly though so it was worth it and he went into remission for about 9 months and he was great! Happiest little guy! But it came back this April and I knew we couldn’t possibly get that lucky twice. We still tried though. But yeah, he just never responded to this second round of chemo and he declined over the last few months. Even though I was braced for it for a really long time, it still went shockingly fast at the end. He was fine one week and then just faded so quickly the next and I knew we had to say goodbye.

One the one hand, I know getting 19 more months with an fiv+ cat with a terminal illness is amazing. It’s literally unheard of. It just doesn’t happen. He defied all his early prognosis, lived months and months beyond what’s typical, and didn’t start to show he was ill right until the end. So it’s near miraculous we got so much time, I’m so grateful to all the vets who looked after him, and I’m so proud of him for being so brave and strong to stay with me for so long. But on the other, we only had about 4 years together and he deserved so much more. I know he got several lifetimes worth of love in that timespan, but it still makes me upset that he didn’t get longer since he had such a hard life before I found him. We both got shortchanged.

I’m doing…pretty rough tbh. I think I’ve cried every day for over a month. I think between the pandemic and then the intense cancer treatment we basically super trauma bonded. And also he was just the perfect little guy for me, he slotted into my life so well. So it feels like all my happiness just got ripped out of my chest. The little constant and reliable source of brightness and love in my life is just gone. I know they’re all special and perfect, but he really, really was and I know I’m never going to be able to replace that kind of bond. So I’m pretty much a huge mess.

But I’m honestly probably doing about as well as I can be. I had a long time to mentally prepare and find pet grief resources, I’m very self aware, I’ve reached out for help when I’ve needed it, and I sort of just know that like…this is what it is. It’s an inevitably and it’s the saddest I’ve ever been in my life and there’s nothing that will make it feel better and I’m probably gonna be sad about him forever so you just gotta go straight through it. You just keep goin forward in small steps, even if you’re crying the entire way.

[davyjoneslockr]

what's your writing process when you work on fics and does it change depending on if it's a longer fic compared to a one shot?

and second question, what fic are you most proud of?

Yeah so!! My issue is that most of my writing process consists of “fuck it we ball.” For oneshots, I’ll usually have a starting point, an ending point, and vague ideas for a few scenes in between. Everything else sorta comes to me as I go. (<- This is a bad strategy. Don’t do this.)

I usually plan out long fics a lot more. For Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday, for example, I had a really long outline with a few “beats” for each chapter – at the very least, how it starts, the climax, and how it ends. My one rule with multichapter fics is that something should change by the end of each chapter. Characters should grow, relationships should change, the main character should obtain some significant information, etc. And a good chapter should have a mini conflict of some sort (this is why, imo, some chapters towards the middle of YMYYYD are kinda bland – if I did a rewrite, I’d flesh them out and make more actually happen.) So there’s the overarching plot, and each chapter also follows its own mini plot structure.

Also, to generate fic ideas, I listen to a lot of music :] A lot of them had their titles taken from the inspiration songs, but some were different. To use YMYYYD as an example again, the song that originally inspired it was The Sweetest Thing by Camera Obscura. The working title was… A Mista(ke) actually lmfao, but when it came time to post the first chapter, I considered calling it Yesterday’s Gone, and ended up going with the final very convoluted title because I thought the song’s lyrics fit the story well. Also, I thought up This Bird Has Flown while listening to this version of Norwegian Wood.

As far as the fic I’m most proud of, I’d probably have to say both parts of the Mista fic for different reasons. I think the story was more compelling in YMYYYD at the expense of some sloppier writing, and Leaves That Are Green was maybe a bit slower story-wise with better prose. Chapter 4 of LTAG, in particular, I’m pretty proud of. Just in general, though, I never expected the emotional response I got from a lot of readers on that fic, as well as how popular it got, so. Idk. To be real for a second, it genuinely means a lot :]

I’m also really happy with how This Bird Has Flown turned out overall, and the response to that fic was so fun to witness. I remember reading some of the comments when I was with my partner (who just kinda went. Hey what the fuck at the ending) and they were like. YEAH. WRITE SOMETHING HAPPY FOR ONCE. And my other one I’m pretty happy with is Setting. Yet another one I was surprised to get a lot of love for, especially because it’s a Gen fic for a duo that’s not super popular, but I’m glad a lot of people enjoyed it!! Fugo and Abbacchio emo family forever <3

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

Hey,

Lesbian anon here.

So I finally had the talk with my fiancé and I came out to him. Told him how amazing of a human being he is but that sadly, apart from attachment and platonic friendship... I don’t feel any sexual attraction towards him or men in general. He was really shocked and speechless most of the time, kinda stoic expression and it made me super nervous. But nothing malicious. And didn’t say anything that was hurtful.

He asked me if I’m 💯 sure about it, if there’s a chance I could be bisexual... that all of this is new and maybe I could fancy him later. I told him I don’t think I am. I told him I’m still emotionally attached to him and I’ll always love him but I don’t think I can be what he wants me to be.

He said he’s okay with it as long as that’s how I really feel. And said he will be there for me if I needed him when it comes coming out to my family and would just support me through it all. Honestly it took me by surprise that he wasn’t mad and chose to make it about me and comfort me, when I was the one letting him down. I felt so bad but it had to be done.

Also he said he don’t mind pretending to being my fiancé till come out officially.

I feel blessed beyond measure to have him in my life. He’s such a sweetheart. He chose our friendship instead of being bitter about his unfulfilled relationship.

That's amazing!!! I'm so happy to hear that he took it well and that he's being so kind and understanding. I know this is probably a difficult time for both you and him, but I'm very very very happy to hear that he took it well and that you still have him as a friend. He sounds like a really wonderful friend. Oh my god I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you <3 I hope that things continue to go well for you. Coming out isn't easy, and I'm so happy for you that you were able to come out to him. Like genuinely that's amazing, and from the bottom of my heart I wish you absolutely nothing but the best.

[lovelydolls]

asks you about your magical girl universe

all those ocs are ADORABLE and I need to know more<33

LUNA ILYSM/p THANK YOU <33

I’m trying to figure out where to start- well explaining the characters first make sense- all of it is below the cut!

There are currently three main characters!!! The magical girls!

First there is Cherry!

She’s a simple teenage girl who had very few worries up until becoming a magical girl! While she was bullied when she was younger, she ignores that stuff now and tries to not let it hurt her. Cherry is just. Very energetic and happy! She can be very, random and chaotic too. In school life, she’s very popular! Since she’s pretty, good at sports, and a part of the Girl’s Tennis Team :))! She’s best-friends with Venus! They met before Cherry’s transition and during the time she was getting bullied at school. Venus just stood up for her one day and they’ve been together since then :))!

Then there is Venus!

She’s is a very dedicated student! She excels in all classes and refuses to accept failure. Venus is very highly thought of in her family. They are all super proud of her :)) though they unknowingly put a ton of pressure on her to be perfect. She’s terrified to disappoint her parents and siblings. A few things that Venus is skilled at is hand to hand combat and fencing :)! She is very very very in love with Cherry. She fell in love during Cherry’s transition, when she first came out to Venus. She can be very. Serious and strict. The only time you can see her smile is with Cherry or when she’s done something she’s proud of. She’s President of the Student Council and is part of the Fencing Club.

Last there is Rumi!

Honestly a lot of her stuff is,,, for later in the story. But damn I wanna talk about her so bad so you get to hear it-

Rumi is a very charismatic classmate. She is in the same year as Venus and Cherry. She’s the leader of the Drama Club! And she is loved by so many students- tons of boys and girls have crushes on her and she’s gotten a ton of confessions. She’s very flirty with everyone too and rarely says anything rude. Rumi is actually very insecure and genuinely hates herself with her whole heart. She was bullied a ton and never really had anyone like her before. She changed herself majorly when she got to a new school. She was so scared to not be liked so she turned herself into a heartthrob!

Okay okay now my favorite part of Rumi. Later in the story he transitions :DD!!! So now I’ll be using he/him for Rumi :))!! I wanted to have a character realize how to love himself and just. I always wanted to make a trans ftm character I can project on!! He keeps the same name and his appearance mostly the same!! He cuts his hair a bit and he has a small side pony tail!

Okay I think that’s it for character explanations-

Next is the story explanation!

Cherry, Venus, and Rumi make a deal with an alien from another planet! The alien is able to give people powers through deals and stuff!

That sounds weird but just. Think of it like a Madoka Magica situation? Except the alien thing wants them to make deals with him because his universe is in danger and he wants them to protect his and their universe.

There’s this. Evil Alien who is currently just called The Puppeteer! He wants to be like. The ultimate ruler and just bring. The end of the world on. He was defeated once before by a magical girl group but he is back now! He just needs to get his full power back etc etc. and the way he does that is by getting old alien artifact things that are currently on earth!

That probably sounds very confusing but!!! So the whole story is the girls trying to prevent him from getting these pieces and becoming powerful again :))!! A lot of. Slice of life is thrown in and. Self discovery!!!

Sorry if that was super confusing 😓 or long lol!!! But I love them- there’s a ton of other information but this is just like. “Basic” stuff!!!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HEY HEY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARI MY SWEET LITTLE BELOVED HIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's way many exclamation marks jfc anyway HOW ARE YOU???? how is uni treating you? are you sleeping are you eating yes this is a mandatory regular checkup. no arguing. other than the checkup i wanted to inquire u more about haikyuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!

i saw that u finished s4 too so now that we're both all caught up i think we need to do a final round of favourites!!! i'm pretty sure i also saw a kita mention hihihi he's was such a sweetheart. and the miya twins were so funny???? but i'm still staying very very true to my beloved kageyama/hinata duo THEY'RE SOOOOOOO GOOODDD WAAHHHH i'm so upset that it's over:((( i mean yeah the movie just came out but that's only like an hour and a half:(((( i need more A LOT MORE i think i'm actually gonna rewatch it again now................. lmao but the dub version this time bc i've seen some clips and it's ridiculously funny hihii

OKE WAIT ALSO BOKUTO?????????? HE'S SOOOO??????? i love him he's also a big sweetheart he dug himself into my heart + i realllly love the bokuto/kuroo duo too they're so fucking silly together<3333 AND i already said that i like tsukki but i need to say that i LOVEDD how cocky him and kageyama were in the final season i'm so proud of them OKAY THAT IS ALL FOR NOWW I HOPE YOUR DAY HAS BEEN GOING WELL MWAH MWAH MWAH LOVE U<3333

- @catchuuu

MICKEYYYY MY MICKEY i am sending u so many sunny vibes ☀️☀️☀️☀️ they r heading ur way 🌻🌻🌻🌻☀️☀️☀️ (also there can never be too many exclamation points silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

no but we’re soulmates fr i was also gonna send u another ask abt ur hq faves >:33 I MISS IT TOOOO I WANT ANOTHER SEASON :(((((( rewatching in dub is a good idea, i remember watching a couple eps and liking tsukki’s performance :33 he keeps calling kageyama “my liege” LMAO i love them so bad…

NO BUT MICKEY I NEED MORE DETAILS ON UR FAVS likeee if u had . to narrow them down ….. maybe around five ……. 🤔🤔 who would ur faves be. impossible task but !! i just need to know ur Absolute Favorites for science …..

as for the ones u already mentioned <333 OFC I LOVE THEM ALLLLL kagehina are so charming….. i genuinely think it’s impossible not to love them. they’re so good. i LOVED seeing their dynamic grow and shift!! :((( our lovelies …. i’m so fond of both of them. hinata our little orange and kageyama our little blueberry 🍊🫐 <- they r friends :3

AAAA AND !! bokuto!!!!! he’s so charming too!!!!! i never fully got on the bokuto train but i understand why ppl love him so much…. he’s just a big ol sunny boy !!!! his depression spurts are so funny LMAO but he’s also so kind and sweet :((( loveeee his dynamic w kuroo ofc…… AND TSUKKIII him and the troublesome senpai that follow him around and improve his life 😒😒😒 whose advice he truly appreciates even tho he’ll never admit it 😒😒😒😒 such a little loser boy. ON THAT NOTEEE mickey i’m so overjoyed u ended up liking him he’s maybe my Fave overall….. but i can’t rlly say for sure…… i knowwww i’ve already mentioned it before but 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 the ushi block changed my LIFE i still think his character development is crazy good like wowow. AND I ALSO LOVE HOW COCKY HE GETS he’s such a cutie :333 him and kageyama are suchhh a good duo i love them i do….

but okokokok. since my lovely husband asked i’m gonna Try to narrow down my favs….. 😥😥 still ended up with like seven guys BUT i tried my best ok….. here they are <33 our meowmeows <333 i am cradling them gently in my arms.

<33333 i get sooooo happy just looking at them OUR SILLY LITTLE GUYS :((((((( no but. overall i’d say my Absolute Favorites are kuroo, daichi, tsukki, ushi aaaand noya !! kita and oikawa being super close behind :33 (tsumu is on thin ice.)

daichi is just Mommy i’m sorry. not rlly though. he’s soooo sugucoded cmon now :(((( i just think i’m weak for reliable polite motherly men with dark hair who r Fake as Hell <33 one of my fave scenes in the show is when kuroo and daichi are shaking hands all smiley and polite and BOTH of them r just thinking ”he’s the crafty type, huh?” PDHFKDJ THEY’RE SOOO SILLY…. i just love him so dearly :((( he’s so sweet but when he gets angry he’s Terrifying and that contrast makes me so weak. he’s also so funny i adore his interactions w the other karasuno senpai….. our little honeys……….

AND KUROOOO tbh same as daichi….. i’m just extremely weak for his character but ALSOOO gojo voice 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 AND he’s silly and goofy 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i’ve said it before but he truly is the stsg lovechild how could i NOT adore him. and!! i lovelovelove his dynamic w kenma!!!! the childhood friends trope stays 🔛🔝 they’re the cutest . also he’s canonically a kitty cat !!! i love nekoma <33333

i’ve already said enough abt tsukki i think LMAO but… he’s just suchhhh a little loser AND he appeals to my guilty pleasure when it comes to anime…… Mean Blondes With Glasses. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 no but he’s just so wellwritten and cute he’s my little guyyyy he makes me so happy :3 LOVE his dynamic w yamaguchi and hinata and kageyama those are his silly little idiot loser friends and he loves them very much.

ANDAND AND :3333 NOYA :33333 ohhhhh mickey noya is my special little guy Ever i need to know more abt ur thoughts on him…. i didn’t think i’d end up loving him so much but he’s just ??? easily the coolest character ???? while also being sooo charming and sweet and funny . his saves are always so epic and i love how he’s always keeping the team together. he rlly is their guardian angel ☹️ a little ball of sunshine but he’s also so confident and comfortable in himself and HHHH . i just love him sm!!!!

and ushi <333 our autistic king he’s so funny and cool and cute. karasuno vs shiratorizawa was my favorite match btw like the differences between them…. the different dynamics……… the crows vs the eagles 😵‍💫😵‍💫 hinata from the concrete .. vs ushi up on the mountain top ….. they make me insane. i think characters who are fully sincere in everything they do are SO charming and that’s literally ushi,… he loves volleyball and he’s never mean for the sake of being mean he just wakes up every day and chooses to speak Facts. he’s charming!!! that One scene where he borrows tendou’s shounen jump just to read the adverts…. 😭😭 he’s the funniest man alive . i loveeee him i want to kiss his forehead and tuck him into bed

and then oikawa obv …. little loserboy…….. he’s a hater and he’s pretty and he’s trying his best :(( hardworking characters . are also so so charming. he has so many great moments and banger lines… that whole thing abt talent vs instinct ……. he rlly is so lovely BUT he’s also just . Funny. shows up to matches just to hate on both sides . realest guy alive

AND FINALLY (needed to rant a little abt all these guys they mean the world to me 💔) kita…. + atsumu………. tsumu isn’t my Absolute Fave or anything but he’s cool and funny and sweet :3 AND HE’S A FOX I LOVE FOXIES……. (on that note i Still haven’t gotten to ur ask abt knight!sugu n brat!reader :cc I PROMISE I’M GETTING TO IT THOUGH WAIT FOR ME MY SWEET) also LOVE his last words to hinata in s4. how one day he’ll set for him. it’s such a fun twist to the kagehina dynamic where they vow to fight against each other but end up on the same side… meanwhile tsumu looks at his opponent and just goes I’M gonna set for that little guy one day. anyway enough abt tsumu we neeeed to talk abt kita bc he stole my heart…… he’s just such a good character to me he’s so charming (ik i’ve been saying that for Literally Everyone BUT IT’S TRUEEEE i know u’ll get it mickey)…… that scene where he cries :(((( bc he got a jersey :(((((( he’s such a sweetie AND LEAVING A CARE PACKAGE FOR TSUMU WHEN HE GOT SICK he’s just so caring?????? (again … one thing abt me is that i like Motherly Men) he loves his teammates sm he’s such a good captain. i did in fact Cry when he praised them after the match . inarizaki stole my heart a little . silly little foxes .

………… ok that’s all i think PHDKDBDBD …. i . love them a bunch :) BUT I LOVE U MORE MICKEY ty for checking in <333 uni is being nice but i got knocked down by a sudden anxiety wave so i’m just kinda waiting for it to leave :’3 BUT i’m doing fine overall!! how r things on ur end ?? is spring treating u kindly?? r u taking care of urself properly??? <33 i hope so!!!!! the sunny vibes r still heading ur way…. 🌻🌻🍊🍊☀️☀️ getting closer …… have a cute little picture of hinata as a treat :33 ILYSMM

[humansun]

SUCCESSFUL BRAIN DRAIN!

Written Friday, August 11th, 2023 at 4:23AM

Good morning! Hello brain drain. I have plenty to write about today.

A few thoughts are:

Tanya + another aunt’s birthday is coming up, sweet!

There’s a million things running through my mind this morning

How do humans handle having so much stimuli in their life and head?

I was just thinking of something but it left me

Oh yeah sleeping an adequate amount of time every night actually affects my day and mood completely

Getting out of bullet points for a second to retrieve myself. I had an ample amount of sleep last night and I feel for the most part, very recovered from an exhausting day yesterday. Working out on less than 6 hours of sleep does not work for me and I have to accept that if I sleep late, I won’t be working out at 5am, because I won’t even put in my best for the workout. Plus, I’m lucky enough to have Fuzzy’s place as a backup gym!

Some thoughts that came into my mind this morning and crystallized in my mind was whether I genuinely like the person my partner is. The answer after all that thinking is yes, because he is a kind, integrity-based, and considerate human being, that cares about me and the people around him. 

As for the other traits that I’m not the hugest fan about - him sometimes being on his phone for long periods of time, his downtime is watching TV, his mealtimes are watching TV, he doesn’t really enjoy going to museums as much as I do, and he’s a super duper homebody. There are pros and cons to all of these traits like I get to be the person who travels while he holds down the house or something, but at the same time it would be nice to be with someone who’s on the same page about deep convos, living life relentlessly, etc.

However, I also recognize that he’s a Ravenclaw, and for that I am grateful. There are many traits he has that I don’t have, and the love he gives me is beyond what I could ever ask any human being for. I am hoping we grow together and build a world that makes us both happy and excited to continue to live and be great humans!

These mosquito bites and/or eczema are killing me! I don’t have enough self-control to not scratch. Anyways, that’s a little bit of what I was thinking about lately. Oh! I had LinkedIn Learning for the past month and didn’t use it except for 1 ⅓ of courses and now I am regretting my time not using it, since there was a lot of free information in there that would cost me $20 a month.

I guess it’s not the end of the world to pay $20 for usable knowledge, but it’s okay because I can potentially finesse to get that education somewhere else! I also am so proud that I’m now spreading my awareness of high-yields savings accounts with my friends and family. Let’s go! Let’s grow our moneys!

I’m really grateful I get to spend time with people that I love whether in the household, in my workplace, in my daily life, etc. I’m determined to continue to find ways to make my life sustainable because I deserve to live a colorful life, I do.

Jesus, there were a million and one things I was thinking about but now they all fled my mind. I guess another thing is my creative practice at this moment. It looks like its off as I’m applying to some programs that require written application materials, so I’m only exerting my energy towards that direction adn not necessarily towards storytelling or character building. I’m not going to lie, my life does feel a bit empty not practicing those things and I want to figure out how I can do it a little bit everyday.

Living a logistics filled life honestly feels boring, and I never thought I’d say this after years of doing logistics work in all of my event management jobs. I’m proud to have come this far and I wouldn’t be sure I’d think these thoughts had I not quit my normal 9-5 and questioned my life a little harder. I know I took a leap and it comes with its own challenges, but learning how to invest in myself time and energy wise is something I wouldn’t take back for the world.

At this time, perhaps I’m not the most financially free person in the world, but I’m also deeply aware that I want to live a normal person life and do normal people things like take vacations throughout the year and have trips to look forward to. I’ve never spent more than probably $500 on one person, but I’m learning that there is a gift of giving and surprising someone you love with something they would appreciate immensely.

Speaking of someone that I love, back on the topic of my partner because it’s important. He got a health screening and his health is alright, but I can’t help but think that I want my partner to take care of their own health so it doesn’t become a burden on me. I believe I could be thinking this way because I take my mom to the doctor pretty often and I almost feel like I’m parenting her.

I wouldn’t be parenting my partner, because obviously, he could handle his own doctor’s appointments, but in the case that anything sudden were to happen, I would take the grief and all the hits for another human’s lack of proactivity.

Perhaps its because I know how to take care of myself healthwise that I’m also projecting these feelings onto my partner. But - at the same time, my partner could also say the exact same about me and where I’m putting my money and how I’m not really working a full-time job, getting health benefits, etc. Thinking about the future is a really tough thing and how its going to pan out, but I’m hoping things continue to change in a way that is amazing and difficult and growth-oriented!

There were two things that were sitting in my mind yesterday that I wanted to massage out. The first one I’d say is how being grateful for people, even if what they do isn’t the greatest thing (to a certain extent, this thought) can be helpful. For example, my grandma’s crappy behavior may fuel a plotline in my story. Of course, I’m never grateful for the trauma we experience at all. But, I realized that all stories and characters experience conflict, and that conflict is usually inspired by our lives. It’s really interesting realizing that because it’s a very zoomed in thought.

Another thing, I was thinking about how there really is no way I can’t get to where I want to be when I’m this young, determined, excited, and pumped about what is to come in the future. There is no way I can’t. Especially if I keep trying. If I keep trying, then people will know about me, my path, and who I am. Even if I tried and things never worked out, something would eventually work out, even if it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.

Like, I realized that I doubt myself alot and my work ethic and who I am. Like I think people hate me or dislike me, but I realized that a lot of people think I’m a cool cat and want to spend more time with me (although I don’t allow it because I’m busy and have a bajillion things to do). Realizing this gave me the confidence at least for yesterday to keep moving through and knowing that at some point all of this would pay off. Like there would be fruit to my labor. And I’m not super confident that I have faith, but I’m confident based on my experience, who I am, what I do to make people feel what they feel, etc.

I have a huge desire to use my Knott’s season pass like crazy right now. I think because when Fall and Winter come, it’ll cool down, and I’ll be able to go as often without worrying about the heat, and also to get our money’s worth! For some reason, I feel like we didn’t go that much this year and that bothers me. Why did they put time restrictions and meal limits to the season pass meal options? Why! It would be such a steal to come in and out without buying any food for a whole year - I could just sit there and do my work while eating some good junk!

Calorie deficit update - dude. The weight fluctuation is insane. Maybe 1270 or whatever the number is supposed to be is way too crazy for me. I still was able to weigh 129 about two times this week, which is surely a good sign. But I’m not entirely sure about how the progress will pan out for the rest of this month. Regardless, I’m proud of myself and think I’ve come very far since starting! Hopefully, I don’t burn out later.

Mom. She’s doing good. There is no point in my life that I am not grateful for her. Even if I’m mad, crying, or frustrated, I still feel grateful or her and I love her very, very much. Grandma is a different story but I still love her. It’s a lot of weight I’m holding, but I am happy to help as much as I can, even if I get mad.

The Artist’s Way is a next level book. It’s like reading a introductory wall text in an art museum that I’ve been waiting to go to for a long time. And I’m finally here, and I’m savoring every word. I think I could feel the intentionality that went behind this book and I feel that if there is a significant amount of intention behind any creative project, that viewers and people will recognize and relate to that intention. Jeez, finding intention behind all of my own projects is difficult. Even formatting a screenplay without the appropriate tools is hard too.

At the end of the day, I still feel like I’m at the very beginning of perfecting my craft and I’m okay with that. I think I’m okay because I got started and starting on anything is better than not starting at all. I’m curious to know if I could shoot something next week. That would be really fun! It’s really easy for me to get distracted when I type on the laptop, but I think using a bit of mindfulness and discipline will make it work.

Last thing, (wow, morning pages really work. I just want to keep writing because I keep thinking about things!) mindfulness was another thing that was sitting in my mind that I really am grateful for. Mindfulness keeps me grateful, in control, happy, content, etc in my life and without it, I think we would all go a little crazy. To spend more of my life being mindful means I will be living a more rich and happy life. Wow, so many things I wrote about today and I finally let out my brain drain. That was fun and I’m definitely coming back for more! 

P.S. Waking up at 4am is incredible because of the silence in the house and I highly recommend it to myself and others. 

[ashes-and-loveletters]

just had a powerful moment

I tend to switch between full face makeup and barely any lipstick. On days where I’m feeling the feminine urge to be a force of chaos and beauty, I wear eyeshadow.

I love eyeshadow, I look cute af with the eyeshadow looks I wear, I’m still an amateur and sometimes mess up bad- but 9 times out of 10 I look good with eyeshadow. It’s also just fun for me to do and mess around with. eyeshadow is also the bane of my fucking existence. I despise cleaning it as my skin is a little sensitive bitch, I have hooded lids so it normally looks *not great* by the time I wash it off (next on my shopping list is an eye primer- didn’t know this was a thing until recently) and, again, sometimes I mess up and it just looks… bad.

Well I wore some today, because I could, and I was super proud of it. Then evening came and I couldn’t be bothered to wash it off, I was/still am on the verge of being swept away in sleep, and I overall could. not. move.

But alas I’m prone to eye infections (again, sensitive bitch skin) and I’m planning to wear more tomorrow. so I drag myself out of bed, just use a gentle soap and water to clean it (makeup remover would require face cleansing) and I looked in the mirror, and in that moment I was genuinely happy with how I looked. I’m not very self conscious normally, but dysphoria is a thing, and teenage angst is strong with this one lately, so I’ve been going through a phase of not liking my appearance as much lately. but in my disheveled and burnt out state of mind, at 11pm on a Thursday, after dragging my depressed, adhd, caffeine withdrawn ass out of bed to wash smeared sparkly bronze eyeshadow off my face, I looked at myself and cried a little- been doing that a lot lately- crying over genuine happiness? It’s nice! I then sent my gf a message about it, because I’m happy, which is fleeting for me sometimes

There’s no point in this post aside from marking a checkpoint for my future self maybe? Idk

[nationalharryleague]

Two for the Show

Summary: Jeff plans for Harry’s new opening act to be more than that. 

Genre: Famous Fake Dating! 

Word Count: 17.1k!

Pinterest Board

A/N: Hey babes!! This is something I’ve been working on since December now and I’m so fucking proud of it and how it turned out!!! It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written and I’m so so so excited to hear what everyone has to say!! Giant thank you’s go out to the incredible soph (@theharriediaries​) and Lu (@meetmymouth​) bc this never would have come to fruition without them and their help!! Please let me know what you think!! More of my writing can be found in my masterlist!! Happy reading y’all :)

***

Keeping appearances in the public eye is a delicate balance.

If Y/N was being honest with herself, everything Full Stop Management had ever suggested to her had worked, and very well. When they suggested her music took a more pop direction, they set her up with a team of fantastic producers and her music sales and popularity skyrocketed. And when they set up an appointment with a celebrity stylist to figure out her signature style, it worked; they turned her into the 1970’s inspired goddess she had always dreamed of being. Even the hours of media training that she had been put through worked, helping her learn how to bob and weave even the most intrusive of interview questions.

But this time, she thought they might be going too far.

“Jeff,” she began with a sigh and a doubtful shake of her head, “I don’t know about this one.”

“It’s just a few months before and during the tour,” explained the man sitting across from her at the long conference table. “You’ll be seen in public a few times to drum up publicity for the tour and your album, maybe do an interview or two together, and some light PDA.”

His expression was honest and earnest. In the time he had represented her, he had never done anything to her that didn’t help her succeed. It was not hard for her to believe that he just wanted what was best for her and her career.

But something kept holding her back.

“I just got my heart broken in the most public way,” she said softly, absentmindedly fiddling with the base of her ring finger where an engagement ring once sat. “Isn’t it a little too soon to be seen jumping back into a whirlwind romance?”

“I don’t think so. If anything, it will make James look even worse than he already does after what he did to you.” She had to admit the idea of a little revenge did perk her ears up a bit. “And it doesn’t hurt that Harry is so universally loved and known for being such a good guy.”

That was another reason she was skeptical of this entire plot. This was Harry Styles they were talking about; Harry fucking Styles. She had only met him once or twice while working out details for her to be the opening act for his upcoming tour, but she had been a big fan of his and idolized him since she was a teen. Just meeting him threw her inner 16 year old self for a loop, let alone trying to pretend she was in love with him.

In all honesty, it probably wouldn’t be too hard on her end once she got over being starstruck; she wasn’t so sure she still wasn’t kind of in love with him, or at least the version the public saw.

“Listen,” Jeff began again, his voice taking on a bluntness, “no one cares about the opening act. No one bought tickets to see you; they’re there to see Harry.” His words stung but she knew it was the truth. “But if they think you are a part of Harry’s life, they care about you too. And they will keep on caring about you after they leave the show.” Her apprehensiveness must have been clear on her face when he put on a gentle smile. “He’s a really nice person. I promise.”

“I know,” she breathed, a small pout finding its way to her lips. “Fine,” she conceded after a moment, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically to signal surrender. “I’m in.”

A triumphant grin spread across his face. “Thank you. I’ll go call Harry and tell him you’re down.” She watched as he got up from his chair and came towards her, pressing a brief and friendly kiss to the top of her head. “You won’t regret this, Y/N.”

“I better not, Azoff,” she chuckled while shaking her head slightly.

Soon she was alone in the conference room, basking in the light from the floor to ceiling windows that sat before her.

“What did I just get myself into?” she mumbled quietly to herself.

***

The answer to that question came two weeks later when she was sitting across a table from the Harry Styles at a small outdoor brunch spot in LA. Their meeting place was strategic, a small restaurant, not too flashy so it didn’t look like they were seeking attention, but outdoors where anyone could see. It was only a matter of time before he was recognized, and the sighting was almost guaranteed to be trending on Twitter only minutes later.

She couldn’t say that she wasn’t nervous. The inside of her mouth had been chewed raw and the bags under her eyes showed she had been having trouble sleeping in the nights leading up to their first appearance together. By the end of the day, she would most likely have countless articles written about her and possibly have millions of angry fangirls coming after her; even though their “relationship” wouldn’t be officially confirmed for a few weeks.

If all went to Jeff’s plan, she would become an A-lister overnight.

She stood in front of her closet for over an hour, trying on and taking off outfits before finally settling on her favorite pair of bright red corduroy flares and a crisp white textured halter top. She paired the outfit with a new pair of heeled leather boots. They were a flashy pair that were split down the middle, bright yellow on one side and white with yellow stars on the other, hoping Harry would appreciate the bold colors.

She meticulously did her makeup, sure to match her lipstick color exactly to the shade of her pants; and spent far too long in front of the mirror fussing with her hair, praying it would lay the way she wanted it to.

She knew that she was going to be photographed in some way shape or form, and with the fashion icon himself. She had to look good. He had been on the cover of Vogue for god’s sake.

When she finally arrived at the cafe, Harry sat quietly across from her. He looked casual, or as casual as Harry Styles gets. A yellow t-shirt, that was tight enough to look as if it was painted on, showed off his muscular chest and arms. His iconic tattoos illustrated his arms and she hoped he wouldn’t notice as she covertly tried to examine closely. He uncomfortably ran his palms down the legs of his high waisted denim flares that had been paired with his signature pearl necklace and ratty, but well loved, white vans.

And she couldn’t forget his rings. His signature gold ‘H’ and ‘S’ looked back at her as he gently grasped his flute filled to the brim with a mimosa, bringing it to his pink lips that were surrounded by the short stubble he had been wearing lately.

The pair sat in a slightly awkward silence, both seeming to down their mimosas quickly just because it was something to do with their hands and could occupy their lips so they didn’t have to talk.

To say she was panicking, wouldn’t be too much of an over exaggeration. She was sitting across from one of the world’s biggest stars, and as one of his biggest closeted fans. The things he could do for her career were astronomical and it was hard to ignore that, but she also had a hard time getting over the way his hair seemed to fall into perfect tousled curls and his dreamy green eyes.

She had been in love with him (or at least the idea of him) since she was 16. She couldn’t help it.

But the bottomless mimosas helped to break her anxiety, and apparently his as well, as they both began to feel a slight buzz.

“So how did Jeff end up talking you into this?” Harry eventually broke the silence, the alcohol lowering his naturally shy inhibitions just enough to kick off their conversation.

She let a playful eye roll take over her face before she began. “Oh Jeff,” she said jokingly, letting out a long sigh. “I was convinced somewhere in between ‘it’ll make your ex look bad’ and a stern ‘no one ever cares about the opening act,’” she chuckled, while sarcastically wagging her finger in the air, dramatically re-enacting his scolds.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth, letting out a dramatic ‘ouch.’ “He’s not always gentle, is he?” matching her chuckle.

“He knows where to hit you where it hurts,” she laughed, while nodding in agreement. “How did he convince you?”

“Coincidently, he also took a low blow involving my ex. I believe his words were ‘You wrote an entire album about her and haven’t dated anyone since and it makes you look kind of pathetic.’” He dramatically used air quotes and did his best impression of Jeff’s American accent. She couldn’t hold back the giggles that erupted from her.

“Oh my goodness,” she let out through slightly buzzed giggles, “you definitely win.”

From that point, their conversation began to flow more easily, easing her anxiety as she learned he was generally easy to talk to. He laughed at her jokes, and she laughed at his. He really did have the calming and disarming quality that people always said he had, like could melt down any walls and convince you to be honest with him, even if you didn’t really want to be. She was shocked to find that she wanted him to genuinely be a friend to her so badly. He was just so nice and such a good listener.

Their conversation took a turn when Harry’s super power of knowing when his picture was being taken kicked in. “Give me your hand,” he said to her, diverting from the pleasant conversation they had been having about their families. “Don’t look but there’s someone across the street taking photos of us.”

His instructions brought her back to the reality that they weren’t really friends and that all of this was for show.

She brought her hand up to meet his, strategically resting on the side of the table that faced the street, giving the camera the best view. The cool metal of his hand full of rings felt good against her skin that had been baking in the hot LA sun and he passed his thumb over her knuckles with faux affection.

She couldn’t help but feel a dishonest weight pulling on her heart. She knew everything was going to plan and this was all for the best, but it also felt slightly wrong. She played with her small heart shaped earring to distract herself from the sinking feeling.

“Harry,” she began, knowing the people across the street were out of ear shot. Her voice brought his attention from her hand back up to her eyes. “Does this feel wrong to you at all?”

“How so?”

“It just feels dishonest, like we’re lying to millions of people, our–well, mostly your fans.” She couldn’t help but correct herself.

His eyes softened at her words, like he was taking in the innocence she still held onto after only being in the industry for a short time, compared to his decade in the spotlight.

“I try not to think of it as lying,” he spoke slowly after a moment of thinking. He nodded along softly to punctuate his words. “When you think about all this as lying, it starts to weigh pretty heavy on you as a person. I try to be as honest as possible in my music and daily life, but that’s not always what people want to see. They want a show that will entertain them, and it is our job to give it to them.”

“I see,” she mused.

They sat together for another hour or so, allowing their small mimosa buzz to wear off enough for them to drive the short distances to their homes. The pair eventually found their way back to a comfortable conversation, but Harry’s comment about being in the public eye still weighed on her.

Suddenly, she wasn’t sure if all of this was worth it. Y/N was a master at dodging a question and turning the charm to 10 when it was needed, but she wasn’t a liar and she definitely wasn’t an actress. She hoped she (or Jeff) hadn’t bitten off more than she could chew with all of this.

Harry eventually walked her back to her car that was parked a few blocks away, and while she was sure he was doing it for the cameras, she didn’t doubt that he would have done it even if they weren’t there. He just seemed like that kind of guy to her; caring and trustworthy.

“Thank you for a very nice date, Harry,” she said, winking and chuckling along with the extra emphasis she put on the last word.

“My pleasure,” he smiled down at her. He moved along with her as she walked to the driver's side door, opening it for her like a perfect gentleman. The two stood close, his body hovering over her’s as they stood inside the open door. Her heart rose to her throat as he leaned down to her and pressed a gentle kiss to her burning cheek.

Y/N  looked back up at him with rosy cheeks and a tightlipped bashful smile. She watched as he walked backward carefully, taking her hand that had been locked with his until he was too far and let it fall back to her body.

She situated herself in her drivers seat and was ready to leave when she heard a knocking on the passenger side window that startled her. Harry had bent himself over and was motioning for her to roll the window down. When she did, he leaned himself in, an honest look in his eyes.

“Before you go,” he said gently. “A word of advice from someone who had been in the public eye for a long time,” he spoke with a tender yet serious tone, eyes locking with hers. “When you go home today, don’t go on social media. People are mean, and it’s just going to hurt.” She nodded along with his words and watched as he pinched his bottom lip. “And when you inevitably can’t resist, text me if you need to talk about it.”

***

They must have done a good job putting on their show because within an hour of her returning home to her apartment, they were all anyone was talking about. Their names were trending worldwide #1 on Twitter. Streams of Y/N’s debut album were up by 800%, and even Harry’s streams had taken a considerable jump. Y/N had gained 40,ooo new followers and views on every interview she had ever done were steadily rising.

All was going according to Jeff’s plan.

Harry’s words circled her brain for hours. “Don’t go on social media,” she heard him say over and over again as she paced her apartment, only stopping to look at the phone sitting on the kitchen counter every so often.

She had taken a shower, done her hair, tried to watch TV, cooked herself dinner, and even tried to sit down and write a song; it all got her nowhere fast. The unknown was eating at her inside.

Y/N broke when she heard the small ding signaling she had gotten a text message. She had all but sprinted to see who it was, reunited with the outside world through her touch screen. Unsurprisingly, it was from Jeff; the message sent to her and an unknown number she assumed to be Harry’s.

Good job, kiddos., was all it read but there was a photo attached to the message. Her heart stopped while she waited for the photo to load, cursing her slow wifi in the process. After a few breathless moments, the photo came through.

It was a screenshot from the website of one of the biggest entertainment magazines in the country. A picture of him kissing her cheek was the front page of the website.

Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N Rumored To Be Music’s New Power Couple Ahead of Tour

She was honestly speechless. This was huge.

She would like to say the sheer shock blurred her judgement, but the curiosity just got the better of her. Harry’s words repeated over and over again in her head, telling her not to, even as her finger connected with the icon of the little blue bird.

She was the most talked about topic in the entire world, her name hovering in bold letters on the trending page. She did everything she could to not click on her name, but her fingers did it all on her own.

The first few tweets were nice. Someone said they liked her style and that they looked cute together as a couple. Another said that they had always enjoyed her music and that they were happy for them.

But as she scrolled, it became harsher and just mean. People commented on her weight, said she couldn’t sing, and criticized her personality as seeming fake and forced. Her eyes were locked on the screen, unable to look away, as her heart began to break and few tears began to roll.

It took one final, and the most painful, tweet for her to consider deleting her account completely. She swiped out of the app fast, but the words were still burned into her brain.

Y/N is using Harry, just like she used James before he got rid of her and found someone better.

The words knocked the wind out of her, pouring salt on an open wound that had yet to heal.

She also had the little blue bird for that heartbreak as well. When she opened the app two months ago, the first thing she saw was pictures of her (former) fiance, James, with his tongue down some girl’s throat. At the time she had been devastated, her heart broken beyond repair.

It felt like no one else in the world could understand the way she was feeling. If she was in this position because of another person, they must get it too. The text to Harry was already sent before she had time to think it over.

I looked and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen.

His response came only seconds later.

Don’t be sorry. It’s hard not to. Are you alright?

She had to think about his question, unsure if she knew the answer. Tears were still running down her face and she felt like she was a target the entire world had decided it was open season on. Logically, she knew these people never thought she would see these awful things, but it didn’t excuse the hurt she felt when she did.

I don’t know. I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel.

She felt like she was bothering him, even though he had offered to be there for her. He wasn’t her best friend, or a close confidant; he was her fake publicity boyfriend. He had real friends he wanted to talk to or maybe even a real girlfriend underwraps somewhere. Her body was wracked with guilt as she thought it over.

People are just mean on the internet, okay? They think they can say whatever they want without repercussions. I’m so sorry that you are being targeted because of me.

Before she got a chance to think through a proper response to him, her phone dinged with another text. It was from Jeff again.

Really good job, kiddos.

Y/N was confused. They hadn’t done anything else but be seen together today. Her sick sense of curiosity got her again before she opened Twitter again and looked up Harry’s name. He had tweeted for the first time in six months only a few moments ago.

@Harry_Styles: We treat people with kindness.

***

The next time she saw him was two days later at yet another public meet up Jeff had arranged for them. Unfortunately this time, she had become just as famous as Harry seemingly overnight, the flames of her new found fame growing even larger after he had sent that tweet.

While the fame had grown, the hate had calmed since his statement, which most had taken as an official declaration of their relationship. Now, that was not to Jeff’s plans.

She had to fight her way out of her apartment complex, wearing a pair of massive dark sunglasses with circular lenses and shielding her face with her hands the best she could. But she did have to admit that the electric orange fabric of her jumpsuit probably didn’t do much to help her blend in and avoid the attention of the paparazzi that had now found out where she lived.

Harry was sitting at the table by himself facing the back of the cafe when she arrived, two cups of coffee waiting before him to be drank together placed delicately on the table. He had his head down, buried in a book, before she startled him with a hug from behind. Her cheek connected with his warm neck where she buried her head into him and she took in his dizzying cologne.

She felt him jump beneath her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing a dramatic and cheesy kiss to his cheek, feeling his light stubble prick her chapsticked lips. “My hero,” she joked, trying to bring at least a little humor to the man who had just about jumped out of his skin at her touch.

It felt like she was crossing a boundary, and she was pretty sure she was, but she just needed to thank him and a hug felt like the best way to do that while in a semi-crowded coffee shop. Also, playing up that they were madly in love didn’t hurt.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed, a hand flying over his chest in surprise to feel his racing heartbeat. “You scared the shit out of me.” Once he settled for a moment, his arm moved across his chest to rest on her arm. His touch was gentle and soft, holding her there gently like he didn’t want her to release him from her grasp. She tried not to think about it too much as she slipped her arms off of him, making her way to the seat that was clearly meant for her across from him.

“I’m sorry that I scared you. A little jumpy today?” she teasingly questioned.

“Hey, watch it,” he playfully threatened. “I believe you called me your hero about thirty seconds ago.”

“I guess I did,” she quipped over the mug she was bringing to her lips. It was sweet but not too sweet, with cream but not too much, and still piping hot; just the way she liked it. “I don’t think it’s too far off,” she smiled before turning back to the coffee. “Good coffee,” she mused. “Just the way I like it.”

“Good. I texted Jeff for your order,” he informed her, the gesture being so thoughtful and sweet she could have melted into a puddle right there and then. “And I think ‘hero’ might be a bit much,” he tacked on.

“Don’t be humble, Harry.” While her voice was still light and held a jesting tone, she meant her words. “You made the entire internet leave me alone, for the most part,” she clarified as there were definitely some nasty messages still floating around Twitter, “in five words.”

“It was the least I could do,” he said while shaking his head slightly, seeming to deflect her words.

“You could have done absolutely nothing.” She reached across the table and grabbed his hand in hers like they had staged at the cafe a few days earlier; but this time, it was an honest gesture, not one for a role they were both meant to be playing. Her words were serious, punctuating each with a gentle nod of her head. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” His eyes held the same truthfulness and honesty she hoped she was mirroring in her own. “I know all of this,” he paused and gestured between them with his free hand, “is for publicity, but I consider you a friend. It was hard to watch it all go down like that. You’re a good person and you didn’t deserve all that. I had to do something.”

There was a warmth that flooded her chest. He called me his friend, she thought to herself, fighting back a big toothy grin. She had been under the impression that all of this was just work for him, something he was doing just to drum up publicity, with no personal connections at all. But him calling her a friend meant so much to her. It meant she was not alone in all this terrifying and overwhelming attention.

“I’m glad you think of me as a friend,” she said, still holding back her smile. “You’re my friend too.” He matched her close-lipped smile that had fought its way onto her face at her words.

They sat in silence together for a few moments. Harry returned to his book and Y/N answered emails; but their hands stayed connected across the small table. This silence was very different from the silence on the day they first met. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence that sat on your tongue, begging you to break the quiet; it was peaceful and safe.

Their silence was broken when a young woman wearing a jittery smile and nervous eyes approached their table. Her voice squeaked out a mouse-like “Hi,” towards the both of them, bringing their eyes up to meet hers and instinctively breaking their hands away from each other.

“I’m so so sorry to be a bother,” she began, cheeks red and hot. “But I’m a really big fan of both of you and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t say hello.” She rambled excitedly, mostly looking at Harry, as she held her slightly shaky hands up to her chest.

“Hello,” Harry said with one of his million dollar smiles. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Emma,” she breathed.

“Well, it’s so nice to meet you Emma.” He spoke gently with her, clearly sensing her anxiety, extending his hand for her to shake. “Thank you for all of your support.”

Y/N watched closely as he spoke with her. He spoke to her like she was the only person in the room, giving her his whole undivided attention, and repeatedly thanking her as she flooded him with compliments about how his music and message of kindness meant so much to her. She was so entranced that she nearly didn’t hear her own name being said as the girl turned towards her.

“I love your music as well,” she grinned, clearly more comfortable after her short conversation with Harry. “And your jumpsuit is just incredible.” Her nervous giggle was contagious, Y/N releasing one as well at the compliment as her cheeks heated slightly. She was shocked she even knew any of her music, clearly being the less popular of the pair.  

“Thank you so much, Emma. It means a lot.”

Emma took a few quick selfies with the both of them (that would be everywhere within a few hours), said goodbye and went to leave the two, but not before she paid them one last compliment. “You two are really cute together. I’m rooting for you.”

Both of their cheeks warmed as they looked back at each other. They were quiet for a moment, unsure how to respond, before Harry turned his attention back to the girl with a coy smile. “I am too,” was all he said.

***

The next three weeks passed in a blur of tour rehearsals, fittings, and public meetings with Harry. And then all of a sudden, it was the night of the first show.

Y/N had never been so nervous in her entire life. She would be the first face seen by just over 19,000 people, tasked to warm up the crowd and prepare them for Harry, which was enough pressure. And then there was the chance that they all hated her guts.

She stood behind the curtain, listening to the loud and inpatient crowd as she paced back and forth. She white-knuckeld her guitar, trying to keep her violently shaking hands from being too visible to the crew around her. Her stomach swirled and her palms were clammy, constantly having to rub them on the pants of her icey blue jumpsuit. It fit her like a glove, the wide legged pants and slight shoulder pads, creating a perfect hourglass silhouette; the only thing she was confident in at the moment was how good she looked in it.

Her heart leapt out of her chest and she almost hit the ceiling when a small voice appeared over her shoulder, whispering “You’re going to do great,” in her ear. If her heart wasn’t about to give out before, it was now. She swung around to face him, almost hitting Harry with her guitar, letting out a small breath of relief when her eyes met his own. They always seemed to calm her down a bit.

“I’m kinda freaking out, H,” she anxiously babbled, using the nickname he had told her to call him. “This is the biggest crowd I’ve ever played in front of, and they probably all hate me because they think I’m dating you, and I have to make sure I do a good job so they start listening to my music; and I just…” she trailed off for a second, uncomfortably scratching the back of her neck, “I just can’t let you down.”

His face softened at her words, seeming to take pity on her. “Y/N,” he began, resting his hands on her shoulders and looking so deep into her eyes she felt like he could probably see her soul. “We picked you to open because people love your music and the way that you perform. You just have to go out there and do what you do best: sing your heart out and put on a good show. It’s only 25 minutes. I know you can do it.”

Every word that left his lips was laced with honesty and encouragement; just enough for Y/N to relax her furrowed brow and give her lip a break from her constant chewing. “I can do it,” she softly repeated back to him, still not breaking contact with his striking green eyes.

A stage manager passed by them, running to some other important task, but not before tapping her shoulder. “You’re on in 30 seconds,” he spoke, just as she heard the roar of the crowd begin, signalling the dimming of the lights in the arena.

“Go kick some ass,” he winked, stepping backwards from her and releasing her from his grasp. “I’ll be watching.”

Walking on stage, she wasn’t met with ‘boo’s that had plagued her nightmares, or mean looks from the audience, or rotten tomatoes thrown from the crowd.

They were screaming in excitement, screaming for her.

From the second she started playing, the crowd had her back; the ones that knew the words to her songs sang them along with her, and the ones that didn’t, happily danced to her voice. Before long, the smile she had forced onto her face was genuine, and her set passed by with ease. When her 25 minutes were up, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to get off the stage.

She took her final bow as the crowd roared, running off of the stage into the wings, looking for one person in particular. And when she found him, she threw herself into Harry’s open and waiting arms. “I told you that you were going to do great!” He spoke excitedly into her ear and he held her close to his body, his arms wrapped around her waist tight.

She liked the way it felt to be in his arms.

Pulling away from him, she saw the massive grin that he wore for her, noting how adorable his dimples were and how the excited look in his eyes made him look like a little kid. But there was more to his face than excitement, he looked proud.

“They were so nice to me, and they knew my songs, and they were screaming so loud for me, and it just went so well. I can’t believe it!” Her previous anxious chatter had become an exhilarated rambling and she felt on top of the world.

“I can,” he grinned, looking down at his watch quickly. “I have to go get changed.” If she wasn’t so amped up, she might have noticed the disappointment that flashed over his features. “Promise me you’ll watch the show?”

“Pinky swear?” She stuck up her little finger in the air.

“Pinky swear.” He kept their pinkies locked for a moment too long, then released her hand and ran backstage to get dressed.

She kept her promise and watched with excitement as the building shook when Harry took the stage.

She had never heard something quite so loud, sure her ears would be ringing when she snuggled into her bunk on the tour bus that night. Watching him perform was mesmerizing; he knew how to work a stage in every way and make every person in the arena feel like he was singing just for them. He was larger than life while performing and his little dances and mannerisms only got more pronounced the more comfortable he got on stage. He messed with Mitch, who she had only met a few hours ago (he was very nice), and constantly praised Sarah on the drums behind him, while he looked over to Adam and sent him smiles often.

Everyone in the building came for a show, and boy, did he give them one. It was amazing to watch. There was a reason she was a fan.

Bouncing off the stage, full of adrenaline and in a post-show high, he came to find her. It wasn’t hard, as she had never left her spot on the side of the stage, unable to rip her eyes away from the man before her.

“Oh my god, Harry! That was incredible!” she said with delighted amazement.

“I’m glad you liked it.” He was smiling down at her with a big toothy grin, a hand running through his sweaty hair and pushing it off his forehead. “They only get better from here.”

***

He was telling the truth. The shows only got crazier and more exciting as the tour went on, and so did their “relationship.”

About five shows in, Jeff had Harry given her his “H” ring to start wearing. Harry didn’t seem too phased by it all even though she thought it might be too much, saying “it’s like a friendship bracelet.” But it was too big for her fingers, not because she had small hands, but because Harry’s were absolutely massive. She wore it on a chain around her neck from then on and made sure to always be seen playing with it.

Fans took notice and loved it.

A little after that, Jeff sent them off to get matching manicures. Both had a melting rainbow of oranges, pinks, and browns on their fingertips, which looked amazing in the paparazzi photos of them walking around with their fingers intertwined.

The fans loved that too.

But when she “accidentally” posted a photo of Harry on her story, the entire world lost it’s shit. In the photo, he laid sprawled across a bed in only a white hotel robe that was creeping dangerously high up his thigh. He looked sleepy and slightly sweaty, in a post-fuck haze, and clothes that looked very similar to ones she had been seen wearing in public only days before were strewn across the floor. The caption read “I love getting to love you.”

The photo had strategically only been up for about 30 seconds, but by the time it was deleted thousands of people had seen it and screenshots had been taken. They quickly circulated the internet, creating a bit of scandal. But more than anything, people began to love the two of them together even more. Harry looked genuinely happy in the photo, and for most of his fans, that was all that mattered.  

They were creating a fairytale love story for an audience, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying her role. She quite liked being his “girlfriend.”

Harry and Y/N had a way of clicking as they grew closer–quite literally as they were crammed together on a tour bus most of the time. They seemed to be able to finish each other’s sentences and always beat the other to the punchline of a joke. The pair had begun to pick up on the other’s mannerisms and habits; Y/N always teasing that Harry was going to rub his nose off one day if he kept rubbing it while he was thinking and Harry always knowing when she got enough sleep by whether or not she had put on eyeliner that morning. They swapped playlists back and forth in their bunks as they tried to doze off and always grabbed a cup of coffee for whoever had decided to sleep in the next day, now knowing the other’s order by heart.

There was only one thing she didn’t know about him that she longed to discover: what his lips felt like against her own. She could never think too hard about it though, or she may just explode.

He had become a calming presence and was currently helping her keep her cool, even though she knew the pair of interviewers across the table were getting ready to grill the pair for every detail they could get. His hand had settled on top of her knee to quell it’s nervous bouncing, but remained after she had stopped, even though no one could see his touch under the table. She watched as his thumb ran itself back and forth along the leg of her flashy orange and yellow patterned overalls and she had a hard time pulling her gaze away when the radio host across the large table began to speak.

“So Harry,” the bald man began. “Fine Line has been one of the biggest albums of the year and I just have to say I love it. It’s truly incredible.” She listened as the man continued on to sing Harry’s praises, going on to list his grammy nominations, sold out world tour, and other accolades. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched his cheeks tinge pink with the praise. She knew anyone watching would pick up on her adoring look and people fawn over it, but she knew her gaze was nothing but truthful.

“Thank you very much,” he said shyly, shaking his head slightly as he spoke into the microphone suspended in front of his face. “You’re too kind.”

“Stop being humble,” she teased him, playfully tapping him on the arm. “All of his music is fantastic,” she said turning her attention back to the man across from them, “especially Fine Line.”

“And there’s Y/N, being the supportive girlfriend,” the man chuckled.

“I support him in everything he does,” she smiled back, not having to embellish the truth at all. “He is an amazing talent and I think Fine Line shows that.”

It wasn’t hard for her to gush about him. It was actually quite easy. She absolutely adored him, as an artist, a friend, and the focus of her affection. She felt an equal warmth in her cheeks as she watched his get even pinker with her compliments.

“That’s actually something we wanted to ask you about,” the blonde woman sitting next to him piped up, a mischievous glint in her eyes that sent nervous butterflies flying around Y/N’s stomach. “One of the songs on Fine Line, Cherry to be specific, actually features the voice of Harry’s ex, Camille. How does that make you feel as his new girl?”

Y/N did her best not to gag at the woman’s question, gritting her teeth as she plastered on a polite smile. “Well, I think Cherry is a really great song and her voice at the end adds a lot,” she spoke as smoothly as she could, refusing to let on that the question rattled her. Harry’s light squeeze on her knee signalled to her that she had answered the question well.

“It’s also been three years since the song was written,” Harry cut in. “Things are obviously a lot different now.” He connected their eyes for a second while he was leaning back into his seat, sending her a short smile, but she knew him well enough to know it was genuine.

“Oh, definitely,” the woman eagerly agreed. “You’re in a great new relationship with a beautiful girl on your arm.”

“Y/N,” he emphasized her name as the woman had referred to her as a possession of his for a second time, “and I are very happy. Thank you.” To an onlooker, he was calm. To her, he was visibly uncomfortable by her words.

Y/N began to notice a clear pattern as the interview went on. Harry was asked exclusively about his music and the tour, while Y/N only became relevant to their interviewers when they wanted to mention their relationship.

When the man asked Y/N if she felt uncomfortable playing to Harry’s mainly female fanbase every night that are “so obviously jealous of her,” something snapped inside of her, sending all her hours of media training out the window. “I’m not uncomfortable at all,” she said curtly. “His music is great and he puts on an awesome show. I don’t think the audience’s gender really has anything to do with the music.” She watched the man’s face fall before she decided to go on. “And I would like to think that at least a few of them are there for me too. You do know I make music too, right?”

An indignant smirk found its way to her lips as the man stammered out, “yes, of course.”

“Okay. I was just wondering since you have only asked me questions about our relationship since we got here.”

She knew Jeff wouldn’t be happy, but at the moment, she couldn’t care less. They may not have really been dating, but the interviewers didn’t know that. All of their dismissal of her and her career was 100% real.

She had been so worked up that she didn’t even realize Harry’s hand had left her knee until it found its way to rest on her back. She leaned into his touch as he rubbed her back softly while she crossed her arms in front of her.

The interviewers looked at the two of them across the table, jaws both lying on the floor. It was quiet until Harry nonchalantly spoke. “She has a point.”

The last few minutes of the interview passed in an awkward blur that felt suffocating. She felt like she could finally take in a deep breath once they were in the back of a massive SUV being driven away from the studio.

“Jeff is going to have my head,” she mumbled under her breath, nose stuck into her phone as she scrolled Twitter to see what people were saying about her outburst. But before she could read any opinions, Harry's tattooed arm blocked her view as he gently pushed her phone down onto her lap.

“Look at me,” he murmured, beckoning her attention to the other side of the back seat. When she connected her eyes with his, his usual calming aura took over her, softening the stressed crease between her brows. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Harry, I just blew my career up into smoke because I couldn’t deal with a rude interviewer,” she huffed at him.

“No,” he disagreed softly, moving the hand that rested on her arms to interlock his fingers with one of hers. “You stuck up for yourself to people who were ignoring your work and whittling you down to your relationship.”

“But it was rude.”

“It was necessary.”

The car ride to the venue for that night’s concert was quiet, but Harry never let go of her hand, brushing his thumb over her knuckles in a comforting touch. She wasn’t sure if she ever wanted him to let go.

***

It was the early hours of the morning by the time the pair returned to their tour bus and went to crawl into their bunks.

Her performance had gone well and Harry was mesmerizing (as always). He was truly hypnotizing to watch while he performed and she hadn’t missed watching him yet, even as they drew close to the end of the tour. It was the best part of her day and she would miss it dearly after the last show.

She was almost asleep, curtain drawn and cuddled under a pile of blankets, when her cell began to ring. Her heart sank, knowing only one person who would know when she had a sliver of free time (even though it’s debatable if sleeping counts as free time). She was going to get scolded like she was a little kid in the principal's office and she knew it.

“Hi Jeff,” she answered with a sigh as she pulled the curtain back and slid from the bunk, the cold air of the tour bus nipping at her legs.

Her gaze was met by a snuggled up Harry wearing a concerned face across from her in his own bed. He never closed the curtain, not even when she asked politely to muffle his snores, always saying something about how it made him claustrophobic. He sent her a tired smile and mouthed “good luck,” extending a hand for a fist bump as she passed. Knocking their knuckles together put a brief smile on her face before she buckled in for the chewing out she was about to get.

Harry watched her intently as she paced up and down the front of the tour bus as she spoke to Jeff, too far away for him to listen in. Her face gradually turned from anxious, to surprised, to something that would have probably been happiness if she wasn’t so tired.

“Alright, thank you for everything.” She spoke softly when she finally returned to be within earshot for him. “Goodnight Jeff.”

“So?” he murmured groggily at her, brows raised in question at her.

“People loved it,” she said shocked, like she didn’t fully believe it herself. “They think I’m some kind of badass for shutting down a sexist. Which is, like, a lot,” she spoke with a disbelieving chuckle, unable to find the right words in her groggy state. “I don’t really know what to make of it.”

Harry seemed to spring up from his spot in his bed, smacking his head on the top of the bunk in the process, prompting them both to dissolve into a puddle of giggles.

“Don’t get too excited for me,” she laughed. “I cannot be the reason that you hurt yourself and have to cancel a show.”

“I was just too excited to say ‘I told you so,’” he smirked, now rubbing the side of his head through his curls.

“Cocky bastard,” she sarcastically murmured under her breath while dramatically rolling her eyes.

She watched with confusion as Harry left his bed, and after a short and frantic search for his pajama pants so he wouldn’t “offend her eyes,” he moved towards the front of the bus. Her eyes trailed him as he bent down to the small mini fridge and pulled out two beers.

“We have to celebrate.”

It was 2 AM and she had been so ready for bed after a long day. But she knew she could never say no to him. She thanked god that they had a day off tomorrow.

After retrieving her massive and lovingly worn Grateful Dead sweatshirt to protect her from the chilly air, she nearly ran to the front of the bus. His painted pink fingers moved with skill as he popped the bottle caps off with one of his rings, handing it to her and gently nudging his bottle against hers.

“Cheers,” he murmured softly as he looked down at her with a kindhearted smile.

“Cheers,” she seemed to whisper back to him, a flutter in her stomach reminding her how badly she wanted to reach out and connect her lips to his. Instead she slid into the small booth across from him, taking a long sip from the bottle as she watched him do the same.

“I want you to know that I was really proud of you today,” he said as he put his beer down on the table. “Rude interviewers are never easy and you handled it like a champ.”

“Thank you, H,” she nodded, suddenly bashful and unable to make eye contact with him. Her cheeks burned hot as she put all her focus into tracing the rim of the bottle with her finger tip.

“Hey,” he called for her attention and her eyes snapped up to meet his. “I mean it, Y/N.”

“I know you do,” she gently nodded at him. “I’m just really happy they didn’t ask about my ex,” she chuckled as she took another sip. “That would have gone very poorly.”

“Oh yeah, I was a little annoyed they brought up my ex but not yours,” he teased. “Not fair if you ask me.”

“Well, then I’m glad no one asked you.”

“Can I ask you?”

“What?”

“About your ex.”

She should have been prepared to talk about it with Harry at some point. Half of this plan had been devised to get back at James anyway. She should be able to talk about it by now, especially with someone she had grown so close to.

“I guess so,” she shrugged, trying to seem casual like the mere mention of him didn’t still hurt her heart a little bit. “What do you want to know?”

“As much as you’re willing to tell me.”

He looked soft like this, eyes slightly sleepy with a tenderness in them as he looked back at her. His hair was unruly and puffy and he was wrapped in the powder blue blanket that lived on the tour bus’ couch. She would have told him anything that he ever wanted to hear if he kept looking like this.

With a deep breath, she began to recount everything that went down.

“I met James while I was still working as a waitress. I recognized him from his movies and started a conversation, and then–to my surprise–he asked me out on a date. I had been in LA for three weeks and this insanely famous actor is asking me to go out with him, so I obviously said yes.” She paused to take a swig of her beer, before mumbling under her breath, “I should have said ‘fuck no’ to that.”

A smile ghosted over her lips as she listened to Harry’s laugh across the table. She swore that laugh could cure cancer.

“But I didn’t,” she continued. “He introduced me to the right people and helped me make the right connections in the industry, which I guess made me feel indebted to him. Does that make sense?”

“Of course,” Harry nodded, eyebrows furrowed and listening intently.

“I should have broken up with him after I signed with Jeff and the label, however awful that sounds. But he just always knew the right things to say to make me feel special and like I was the most important person in the world. Even after I found out he was talking to other girls, he was somehow able to talk himself out of it.” She shook her head as she recalled it. “You wanna hear something fucked up?”

“Always,” he said with a gentle smirk.

“He proposed to me using lines from a romcom he was working on.”

Harry nearly spit out his drink. “Holy shit, you’re kidding!”

“I wish. I didn’t find out until I went with him to the premier a few months later and the proposal scene sounded surprisingly familiar.”

“What a dirtbag.”

“I know, right?” she laughed. “Then a few weeks after that, he got papped with his tongue down another girl’s throat. That finally knocked some sense into me and I ran for the hills.”

“Fuck,” he sighed as he finished his beer. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she breathed. “I don’t even feel hurt by him anymore, ya know? I just feel angry at myself for trusting him.”

“I understand but it’s not your fault he was a piece of shit,” he said as he rose from his seat and traveled to the mini fridge once again. “Another?” he asked, holding the bottle up about his head.

“Fuck it,” she shrugged. “Sure.”

She watched him skillfully pop off the tops again using just his rings, making a mental note to make him teach her how he did that, before he flopped back down in his seat.  

“At the risk of sounding like a Facebook mom, ‘you grow through what you go through,’” she chuckled, taking another long sip as she finished her first. He matched her high pitched giggle across the table and she nearly drooled beer down her front from smiling so wide.

“Amen, sister,” he agreed, raising his beer in the air.

“Oh, that was awful.” She shook her head as she descended into giggles. “Please never say that again.”

“Noted.”

“Anyway,” she began again after another sip of her drink, “I was well prepared to get my heartbroken by untrustworthy men after you, Styles.”

“I’m offended–tell me more,” he spoke quickly, his signature narcissistic smirk settling onto his features.

“I need you to know that Zayn leaving was my first real heartbreak.”

“Were the rest of us chopped liver?”

“You weren’t Zayn, I can tell you that.”

“Ouch!” He let out a loud belly laugh.

“Put yourself in my shoes for a minute, H. So first, the hottest-”

“Rude-”

“-I’m speaking. So the hottest one leaves, and then the rest of you are all like ‘we’ll be back in 18 months,’” she mocked him in a high pitched impersonation with a wave, “and then 6 months later you all mysteriously have solo careers.”

“I do not see you complaining about my solo career now, ya fame leetch.” He spoke with such humor and charisma, she couldn’t have even wished to be offended by his joke.

“Absolutely not, sir,” she said sternly, giving him a dramatic salute. “Deepest apologies from the fame leetch.” The two collapsed into giggles, laughing until their sides began to ache.

“Wait, I have a question for mega superstar Mr. Harry Styles of former One Direction fame,” she announced.

“I believe that’s me,” he bowed his head and raised his hand into the hair. “Shoot.”

She barely could get the question out, laughing too hard at her own joke. “Is Taylor Swift a good kisser?”

“Oh god,” he exasperatedly threw his hands in the air, chuckling while rolling his eyes dramatically before grinning wide as he thought over his answer. “I don’t kiss and tell,” he finally smirked.

“Wait, I have another!”

“Watch it, smart ass.”

“You think I’m smart?” she teased as she feigned flattery. “Have you ever heard of a song called ‘English Love Affair?’” He narrowed his eyes at her, a knowing smirk crossing his lips as he shook his head at her. “Also, when do I get to meet Gemma?”

“I’ll consider it when you stop bringing up her sex life, perv.”

“We’ve been dating for a few months now,” she teased as she continued to prod, emboldened by the liquid courage running through her veins as she was now half way through her next beer. “I think I should be allowed to meet the family soon. They seem delightful.”

“They would love how you have decided to rip into me like this,” he said with a cheeky smile, dimples on full display.

“Rockstars have to get knocked down a peg every once in a while.” She sarcastically shrugged. “Consider it a favor.”

She couldn’t help but think about how right this felt. Their back and forth flowed so smoothly, the banter falling from their lips without effort. Their laughter joined together in a delightful melody and she imagined they could go on this way all night.

Spending any amount of time with him made her so fucking happy; and time spent teasing each other over beers caused her to nearly explode with joy. How much she was enjoying herself was too hard to put into words.

He was safe and he was kind and he made her laugh no matter how bad his jokes were.

He was her best friend.

And for the first time, she was willing to admit that she was in love with him.

“Harry,” she hummed softly as their laughter died down to a comfortable silence. “Thank you for everything. You’ve changed my life forever and I can never repay you.”

“Just remember me when you get famous.”

“Oh shut up, I’m being serious,” she playfully scolded before letting her tone drop back into honesty. “You’re a very good person and I’m eternally grateful for you letting me be your opening act and then agreeing to this whole relationship charade.”

“I didn’t ‘let’ you be anything, Y/N. I picked you myself.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I listened to your album when it came out and fell in love with it,” he shrugged, his casual tone contradicting the surprised raise of her pulse. “When I found out Jeff also managed you, I knew I had to have you on the tour.”

Y/N was honestly stunned. She had always assumed that the tour was Jeff’s doing, a careful arrangement pairing Full Stop’s new up-and-comer with their most famous and established talent. Being offered the tour had been the biggest opportunity and honor she had ever been presented with; but she had never considered Harry himself being behind it.

“Oh,” was all she could manage to get out.

It was now his turn to be confused. “What’s so surprising about that?” he asked, reading the shock on her face like she was an open book.

“I just,” she stammered, trying to find the words in her slightly hazy state. “I never would have thought you knew who I was or listened to my music.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” she trailed off. “You’re you, and I’m just... me, I guess.”

He didn’t respond right away, just looking at her intently and slightly amused, sea glass eyes boring into her with a pink lip held between his teeth.

He scanned her frame, from the way her hair sat messily on top of her head and the way the massive sweatshirt swallowed her body enough to where she had pulled her knees up to her chest underneath it. Her shoulders were slumped slightly, making her appear smaller as she held her legs close to her torso and her eyebrows were knitted together in worry, slightly nervous under his intense gaze.

She downed the rest of her beer in an attempt to forget his intense attention. It didn’t work.

“You really don’t know how incredible you are, do you?” he finally asked, the corner of his lips twitching into a small smile.

She felt her whole body burn with his compliment, wanting to shrink into herself and disappear completely from his view. She finally shook her head slightly in an attempt to deflect his words, breathing his name under her breath as if to scold him for being too kind.

“You are,” he insisted, ignoring her objection. “You’re so talented and your music deserves all the attention that it gets. I am honored that I get to play a part in helping expose the world to you and what you have to offer.”

“Thank you.” Her words came out as a whisper.

“You’re welcome, love.”

His pet name made her stomach turn in a nervous excitement and a wide grin involuntarily came to her lips.

“I like it when I make you smile like that.” His words only made her beam further. “You look very pretty when you smile.”

“Stop it,” she said softly, cheeks burning hot and having a hard time making eye contact with him.

“Stop what?” He feigned innocence as he lightly teased her, smirk still prominent on his features.

“Are you flirting with me, Styles?”

“Just practicing.”

His words rang through her mind long after they had left the table and crawled back into their bunks for the night. She wished she could see inside his head to understand whatever thoughts were running around his brain.

But for now she could just peak at him through the gap she had purposely left in her curtain, wondering if she ever popped into his dreams as he slept.

He was always in hers.

***

There was a sadness mixed in with her usually thrilled mood as she took the stage for the last show of the tour. While there was an element of relief as she looked forward to some well needed rest, the adrenaline and joy of being in front of a crowd was something that she would miss dearly. She had grown into a real performer over the last two months as they zig-zagged across the US and this period of time would have a special place in her heart long after it had ended.

But there was another reason why she was so sad to see this chapter come to an end. As far as she knew, a staged breakup was not far away and the thought of being without Harry was heartbreaking. He had become her person and soon their feux falling out would be on the front page of every magazine. She wanted nothing more in the world than for their relationship to be real, but it would be forced to end before it had even truely started.

She got choked up as she sang her final song that night, letting a few tears escape as she took in the thousands of people singing her lyrics back to her, flashlights swaying in the air to the beat of the music. Taking a move from Harry’s own playbook, she took her mic and directed it to the crowd to sing as she cried. The vibrations of the drums and bass behind her nestled it’s way into her bones and the chorus of singing voices in the crowd surrounded her in a bittersweet melody.

The past two months she had been on top of the world, and as soon as this song finished, it was the beginning of the end.

She took her final bow, watching as the small tears fell forward onto the dusty stage below her. She waved and blew kisses to the crowd, then nearly ran off the stage looking for the only person she wanted to see.

Harry was right where he always was, just out of view behind the curtain, holding his arms out for her to fall into.

“Awe, babe,” he hummed sympathetically when she settled her head onto his chest, surely ruining his crisp white t-shirt with her now wet makeup. “It’s okay. Final shows are always tough.” He rubbed her back gently, in a soothing rhythm.

He smelled so good. He smelled like home.

She tilted her head up to connect her glassy eyes with his. “I just don’t want this all to end.” She knew she wasn’t just talking about the tour.

“Neither do I,” he said as his lips curved into a devilish smirk that sent her heart into palpitations. “That’s why I have one last surprise for you.”

“Oh, Harry,” she sighed while wiping the remaining tears off her cheeks. “What have you done?”

“You said you liked surprises!” he defended.

“Not surprises in front of 20,000 people!”

“I promise you’re going to love this one, okay?” His voice was softer now, encouraging and supportive. “You’re going to come out and sing an extra song with me during my set,” he revealed.

“Sing what?”

“That’s the surprise.”

“Do I even know the words?”

“You definitely know the words,” he chuckled.

“I just finished sobbing. I can’t go out there like this.”

“You can fix your makeup. I believe in you.”

“What am I going to wear?” she asked, grasping at straws at this point, doing anything she could to get out of this.

“I had Lambert put something together for you.”

“Of course you did.”

She peppered him with a few more questions, but he had a smooth and charming answer to every single one. He had thought every detail out, and as always, she couldn’t say no to him.

“Fine,” she finally exasperatedly agreed, immediately met with his excited and dimpled smile that she had fallen head over heels for.

“Perfect,” he breathed. “I have to go get ready and so do you. I already put everything you need in your dressing room, okay?” She nodded, still biting her lip anxiously. He held her by her shoulders, lowering his head to match their eye level as he leaned in close, before he spoke. “You’re going to have fun. I promise.”

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

Seconds after they locked their little fingers together, he pressed a quick and protective kiss to her forehead that set her whole body ablaze before running off in the direction of his dressing room. She remained stunned and frozen in her spot for a few moments trying to process what it felt like to have his lips on her for the first time since that very first day they had met.

There was no audience to perform it for or an act to keep up behind the curtain. He kissed her because he wanted to.

She was finally snapped out of her daze when a stagehand bumped into her by accident, prompting her to begin the short walk back to her dressing room. But the ghost of his lips remained on her forehead, an incessant tingle placed there by his touch.

The dress she found waiting for her was one of the most beautiful gowns she had ever set her eyes on. Made of a light purple chiffon, the wrap dress’ long sleeves and floor length skirt flowed freely. A belt cinched the wispy fabric close to her waist and a deep-v exposed her neck and chest. But the most dazzling part of the dress were the red sequined hearts that dotted the fabric and reflected the light of the dressing room like a million little mirrors.

Slipping into it, the light fabric was soft against her skin, opaque enough but still slightly sheer to let light through and show off her legs and the bright red shiny pumps Lambert had left for her. She felt the most beautiful she had ever felt in this dress, boosting her confidence and quelling her nerves about whatever the hell Harry was planning.

“One minute to curtain,” was announced in an ominous voice over the arena’s backstage speakers as she finished fixing her makeup and she all but ran to make it back to the stage in time. She only had one more chance to watch him perform and she refused to miss a second of it.

Harry dazzled as the lights focused in on him, his deep blue and fully sequined suit reflecting the light and turning him into a human disco ball. He stood close to the edge of the stage as the beginning notes of the first song began being played by the band, but he made no move towards his mic stand to sing. His eyes were closed and his arms were outstretched to the audience, taking in every scream, every tear, and the thunderous shake of the building; but also giving himself to them.

Then the show began. As usual, he was electric, but tonight was like he had turned himself up to eleven. Every note he sang was full of his heart and every dance move was done with his entire body, even his bad jokes seemed funnier tonight.

She was so mesmerized she almost forgot about his ‘surprise.’ Almost.

“Since tonight is unfortunately our last show,” he pouted. “I thought I would do something special,” he spoke to the crowd as they roared, but quickly connected his eyes with her’s in the wings. By the smirk plastered on his face, she knew she was in for it.

“I recently found out that someone very close to me was a very big fan of…” he trailed off as he dramatically pretended to search for the right words, “my previous work.” He finished with a smirk and his words prompted the loudest reaction since he had been on stage.

“Now, I told her that she would be coming on stage to join me tonight, but I didn’t exactly tell her what we would be singing and I haven’t performed this song in a very long time, so cut us some slack if we mess up. This is very unrehearsed.” He kept sneaking glances back to her, as her eyes grew wider at the stunt he was currently pulling. “But I know for a fact that she knows all the words. I listen to her sing them in the shower quite often.” He wore a cheeky dimpled grin as he looked back at her once again.

The building was shaking due to the suspense he was creating, and looking down at her hands, she realized she was to. She gripped hard onto the mic a stagehand had just shoved at her, pleading with her hands to stop their tremors.

“Now, I would love it if you could all give another warm welcome to one of my favorite people on the planet, Y/N Y/L/N!” He turned his body to her for a final time, extending his hand out for her to take. Her legs felt like jello as she walked out into the bright lights towards him, interlocking her fingers with his as a way to keep her on her feet.

The audience’s screams were deafening at seeing the two of them together and she thanked god she had her earpieces in to protect her ear drums or they would have surely burst. She could only imagine the articles that would be written about this and the thousands of tweets that were probably already being sent.

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” she mouthed at him threateningly, but she couldn’t even get through the sentence before his dazzling smile began to quell her anxiety.

“The look on your face is 100% worth getting my ass kicked,” he answered smoothly before turning his attention back to the audience. “Everyone, sing along if you know the words,” he commanded their attention. “This is Ready to Run.”

Her jaw dropped and the crowd roared as the band behind her began to play the first few chords of the song she loved and knew so well. She had admitted it a few days ago that it was one of her favorites of his ‘previous work,’ but apparently he already knew that from the few showers she had taken on the tour bus.

“There’s a lightning in your eyes I can’t deny,” he began by himself, her brain still too shocked to jump in yet. He sang the first few lines to her with a giant grin plastered on his face, hand still holding tight to hers. His eyes had a playful glint in them that seemed to say ‘just have fun.’

“There’s a devil in your smile, it’s chasing me,” she finally began to sing, Harry fading his voice out so she could take the next few lines by herself as he admired her.

He did have a devilish smile, but it was one she loved with her entire heart. As she began to sing, she felt her muscles begin to relax into the song she had sung to herself so many times before, letting her body begin to bounce to the growing rhythm as her dress flowed around her.

The stage vibrated as Sarah beat her drums to introduce the chorus. “This time I’m ready to run, escape from the city and follow the sun,” the pair sang together, eyes still locked as their voices combined into the most perfect tune. “Cause I wanna be yours, don’t you wanna be mine?” they continued the lyrics. She felt herself meaning the words leaving her mouth more and more as they went on. She did want to be his, she couldn’t deny that. “I don’t wanna get lost in the dark of the night.”

Her apprehensiveness eased further as the music picked up and the hook went on, finally allowing herself to have a bit of fun. “Wherever you are is the place I belong,” they insisted towards each other, leaning in close before Harry grabbed her hand to dramatically spin her, the beautiful shining fabric of her dress splaying out around her. The next line was mumbled through giggles by both of them, but their laughter only added to the perfect moment they were having.

They danced across the stage together like there weren’t 20,ooo pairs of eyes watching them, both singing their hearts out to each other. It began to feel like they weren’t even there. It was just Y/N and Harry, serenading each other to one of her favorite songs.

“There’s a future in my eyes I can’t foresee,” she sang to him to start the second verse.

“Unless, of course, I stay on course and keep you next to me.” Harry grabbed her by her waist and pulled her into his side as he sang the words, prompting more giggles from her. She loved the way he smiled so wide as he sang, never breaking his eye contact with her and emitting pure joy. His eyes looked honest as he sang, like he meant every word just as much as she did.

The pair made their way through the rest of the verse and second chorus, flawlessly moving around the stage like they owned it. Y/N selfishly decided to let him have the bridge all to himself, needing to hear the way his beautiful voice hit the high notes. “This time I’m ready to run,” he sang passionately, executing the downward moving riff perfectly. “I’d give everything that I got for your love,” he pointed across the stage towards her, beckoning her back close to him. She quickly skipped to him at his request.

Like she had blinked, the song was already nearing its end.

“Cause I wanna be free and I wanna be young, I’ll never look back now I’m ready to run,” they belted the last lines out to each other. The band fell quiet on their last chord and the crowd exploded, but their noise fell on deaf ears as the pair stood so close their heaving chests were almost pressed up against each other. His eyes stared down into hers and she watched as his eyes flickered quickly down to her lips.

The world ceased to exist when he pressed his mouth to hers, even if it only lasted a second. It was nothing more than a peck, but it was everything to her. Her body igniting with heat and eyes full of shock, she looked back at him in simultaneous confusion and adoration, before realizing they had been staring at each other for too long. She needed to get off the stage so he could continue with his show. She walked back slowly towards the wings, letting the hand he had still been holding fall to her side. She waved and smiled to the crowd the best she could in her clouded mind.

“Thank you everyone!” she shouted into her mic as she moved out of their view. She shoved her mic into the first set of hands that would take it as she wobbled her way over to a table with water bottles. She nearly choked as she tried to suck one down, hoping it would ease the dizzy feeling he had created with his lips. Her lips burned just as her forehead had earlier in the night.

He had kissed her. He had sang a love song with her and then he had kissed her. She couldn’t decipher if that kiss was a confirmation that he shared the same feelings for her or if it was just another act for the cameras. But his mouth felt so right against hers. They fit together like a pair of puzzle pieces. She tried to suppress the optimistic hope that rose in her chest, but it began to swallow her whole.

When she heard his next song begin, she made her way back to the spot that had become hers at the side of the stage. She watched him perform the rest of the show in a loving haze, doe eyed and hypnotized, lips still buzzing from his contact.

He gave it his all. By the last song he was out of breath, drenched in sweat, and looked like he was about to pass out at any second. The crowd applauded for minutes after he left the stage and they were still cheering when she finally caught sight of him again. His curls were stuck to his forehead and his skin was shiny and flushed. He was panting, still trying to recover from his workout of a finale show; but he was beaming. His smile seemed to turn him into a beacon, emitting a light and positive energy that drew everyone backstage towards him.

She was so transfixed on Harry as he thanked the crew and accepted congratulations from all around that she just about jumped out of her skin when Jeff slinked up behind her and whispered ‘boo’ in her ear.

“What the fuck, Jeff,” she chuckled as she caught her breath, resting her hand on her chest and feeling her racing heartbeat.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on being half of the best fake couple out there,” he teased. “That kiss was perfect. People are losing their minds over it.”

“Oh,” she said softly, feeling every emotion she was distracted from while watching Harry rush back into her. Her heart sank as she remembered all the questions that continued to haunt her since she got off stage. “Thanks,” she murmured, plastering a smile onto her face. “I’m glad we could make you proud.”

“If you two could convince me, you can convince anyone.” Jeff walked off moments later, leaving her to sit in her confused thoughts as he disappeared into the hoards of bodies waiting for their minute with Harry.

She knew that she didn’t ‘convince’ Jeff of anything on her part. Everything she did with Harry was authentic and truthful. Including the thrilled grin that appeared on her face when she finally made eye contact with the exhausted man across the room. She gave him a shy wave that he sheepishly returned, biting back a shy smile. He pointed in the direction of his dressing room and mouthed “meet me in 15.”

She could never say no to him.

Fifteen minutes later, she was knocking on the large wooden door that had a single piece of paper that read STYLES haphazardly taped onto it. When it finally flew open, she was met by a soaking wet Harry with a towel hanging dangerously low on his hips. Her eyes trailed down his body without permission, taking in the toned torso that was decorated with his beautiful tattoos. Her eyes hovered over the two ferns that sat on his pelvis, too fascinated with the dark ink to pull her eyes away just yet.

She had obviously seen him in various states of undress before. They lived together on a tour bus without much space to exist with privacy, but this was different. He wasn’t rushing to get dressed or quickly changing his outfit. And he wasn’t moving away from her gaze at all.

If she hadn’t been so entranced by him, she would have noticed he was looking her up and down in the exact same manner.

She had changed since she had seen him last. The skin-tight black velvet romper she had brought along for the afterparty now fit her snuggly and held her every curve. The dark fabric was tight and appeared almost painted on, a rainbow racing stripe making its way down either side of her chest. The short shorts of the outfit exposed nearly all of her legs and the deep neckline put much of her chest on display as well. It’s long sleeves were her favorite part, as a strip of fringe dangled from below her arms any time she moved.

“You look great,” Harry finally choked out, his voice pulling their eyes back up to the other’s face.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, slightly awkwardly. “You too.”

“Well, I’m hopefully not going to the after party dressed like this,” he chuckled before stepping aside and ushering her into the room.

His dressing room was much larger than hers and she settled herself on the brown leather couch in the corner as she waited for him to get ready, sneaking glances up from her phone often. She chuckled as she watched him spend far too long fussing with his curls in the mirror, but was quickly distracted by the way his back and arms flexed when he reached up to muse his hair. Once he was satisfied with the way it fell, he disappeared into the bathroom at the back of the room. When he emerged, he was finally dressed, allowing her to take a deep breath and to focus on something other than his bare skin for the first time since he had opened the door.

The black satin suit was simple for him, but the tight white tank top that sat underneath hugged every muscle in his torso. She knew as soon as he got in the hot club, he would lose the jacket, and she would be devastatingly distracted once again.

The narcissist took one final look at himself in the mirror before turning to her and extending a hand. “Ready, darling?”

“You just spent 15 minutes exclusively on your hair and you’re asking me if I’m ready?” she teased as she took his hand, weaving her fingers between his as they exited the room together.

He leaned down close to her ear as they walked down the now mostly empty hallway, lips brushing over the hollow of her ear as he spoke. “I could have done it faster, but you were so obviously enjoying the show.”

“Relax yourself, Magic Mike,” she muttered indignantly, but hung her head in a way she hoped he couldn’t see how flustered he made her. Was she really that obvious?

They walked hand in hand out to the parking garage, now caught in a back and forth about whether or not Harry could be a male stripper. He said yes. She said no, although she did admit at one point that he worked his mic stand like a pole.

“Hey Jeff,” he called when they finally reached the parking garage where Jeff and Glenne had been waiting for them to head to the club. “Do you think I could be a stripper?”

“I think people would pay a lot to see it, but they may be disappointed in your dancing skills.”

“Come on,” he playfully whined. “I have some moves.”

“You have one move,” Y/N cut in with a chuckle, “and it’s the wiggle.” She brought her hands up near her chest, tilted her head back while dramatically biting her lip, and swayed her arms by her sides, earning a chorus of laughter from the people around her.

She hadn’t even realized she had done the move without releasing Harry’s hand first, dragging his arm into her dance as well, until their manager commented on it. “You know, you two don’t have to be holding hands all the time and keeping the show up back here,” he said with a slightly suspicious quirk in his eyebrows.

Her smile had been in the process of fading, like they had been caught doing something wrong, before Harry answered smoothly. “We know. Just practicing.”

There were those words again. Just practicing, she thought over to herself. But was he practicing anymore? How many flirty comments, heartfelt compliments, and warm touches did it take to cross the line of practicing to the real thing?

She wasn’t sure about Harry, but she knew that she wasn’t just practicing anymore.

She knew that the way they sat nearly on top of each other in the large SUV on the way to the club felt more than friendly. And the way he hadn’t stopped touching her in some way since they left his dressing room insinuated far more than something with business-like intentions. And the way he looked at her everytime he caught her eye the entire way to the club, always with a bright smile and adoring gaze that she always returned, pulled at her heartstrings far more than they should have if this was all an act.

A sloppy and cheeky grin settled almost permanently on his features after he had a few drinks in him, his arms moving in a lazy and fluid manner as she took in his many tattoos that he had exposed when he ditched his jacket (just like she knew he would). His butterfly was visible through the tight ribbed fabric of the white tank top and the little birds that peaked out from underneath seemed to be inviting her even closer to him in her now inebriated state.

All she wanted to do was to connect her lips with his as she watched him make conversation with someone from his management, entranced by the way his perfect mouth moved as he spoke. She once again craved the shocks of electricity that were created between them at the contact and could not stop thinking about it no matter how hard she tried. The protective hand that had settled onto her hip and continued to hold her close to his body just wasn’t enough anymore.

The pair had been drinking far too much; martinis turning into vodka sodas that had turned into straight tequila shots. She believed it was tequila shot four that did her in. The last thing she remembered was licking the line of salt off the back of her hand, downing the shot, and being entranced by Harry’s eyes as she bit down on the slice of lime he held carefully with his jeweled fingers.  

***

The next morning, Y/N woke up in a hotel room that she didn’t recognize with a pounding headache and a swirling gut. It felt like she had been hit with a truck and she could barely pick her head up off the pillow.

She had so many questions about what had happened the night before. Where was she? Who let her drink that much? Whose clothes was she wearing? But most of all, what the hell happened after that fourth shot?

But she realized the worst was yet to come when she heard soft snoring coming from beside her. She knew that snoring well. It was the snoring that kept her up half the night for the last two months and the one that had almost driven her to suffocating her bus-mate in his sleep; the snoring that matched the crumbled black suit she just noticed in a ball on the floor.

It took every ounce of strength in her body to pull herself from the pillow and turn around in the bed to have her suspicions confirmed.

There he was.

His dark long eyelashes were fluttered down across the tops of his cheeks and his hair was going in every direction, skin clammy like his body was trying to rid itself of all the poison he had ingested the night before. The crumpled comforter was pushed down his stomach, his bare skin holding a sheen that helped define every dip or curve of his muscles and the tiniest bit of the band of his boxers peaked out to assure her that he at least wasn’t fully naked next to her.

Why were they in bed together? And why did he look so good? Oh my god, she thought as a possibility dawned on her. Did we sleep together?

“Harry,” she murmured softer than she intended, voice scratchy and mouth dry. The soreness at the back of her throat clued her into the copious amounts of screaming she must have done last night. He didn’t stir at her gentle coaxing, the light streaming through the windows making him look angelic as it covered him in a blanket of soft light while he continued to sleep.

It was a hard nudge to his chest that finally made him open his eyes, immediately releasing a groan she was sure she made when she regained consciousness too. He looked at her puzzled, still rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he propped himself up on his elbows. He took an equally confused look around the hotel room before looking back at her. She watched as the gears slowly turned in his head until his eyes opened wide and he spring up into a sitting position to mirror hers.

“We didn’t,” he whispered hopefully. “Oh my god, did we?” he asked, a look of horror crossing his face that matched her own.

“I have no idea,” she anxiously replied. “I was hoping you would know!”

“You don’t remember anything?”

“The last thing I remember was doing tequila shots with you.”

“I remember those.” He rubbed his eyes hard like it would somehow jog his memory. His eyebrows knit together, buried in thought as he searched his brain for a timeline. “I can follow the night up until we did karaoke.”

“We did karaoke?” she repeated incredulously and was met with a somber nod. “Do I even want to know what we sang?”

He shook his head slowly, shame clear on his face, before he finally mumbled. “We did ‘It’s Raining Men.’”

“Oh my god, no,” she whined, holding her head in her hands and rubbing her temples. There were surely videos of them sloppily singing on top of a bar circulating online and she wasn’t sure how Jeff would be able to spin that one in a positive light.

“Where’s your phone?” he asked, a hopeful glint in his eye as he reached for his own. “Maybe there’s something on there that can clue us in.” It took her a moment but she finally spotted it on the ground in the corner of the room. She said a silent prayer that it wasn’t dead or broken.

Forcing her heavy limbs out from under the covers she made her way towards the device, but not before she heard a confused sound coming from Harry. “How did you get my clothes?”

Looking down at herself and taking in the red lettering that read But Daddy I Love Him across her chest, it clicked that the t-shirt and baggy basketball shorts were his. But how they hell did she get into them?

“I think we’ve established at this point that I don’t know anything that happened after about midnight, Harry.” Her words came out laced with slight frustration. She hoped he knew she wasn’t annoyed with him, just their situation.

“Just a question, princess.”

She ignored his quip and began to search through her texts, call history, and photos, hoping to find anything at all that could help trace their steps through the night. She found nothing but a few selfies of them still at the club. One was the pair casually smiling, the next was one of him kissing her on the cheek that made her skin warm, but the final one made her snort out a laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“I have a picture on my phone of you with two martini olives shoved up your nose,” she spoke through hysterical laughter. “Definitely birthday post material if you ask me.”

“Let me see,” he demanded with an adorable scowl.

She passed her phone over to him, still letting a few chuckles fall past her lips. “I’m gonna change your name in my phone to ‘Olive Nose Styles.”

“You're cruel.”

“You’re the one that put olives up his nose and then posed for a picture!”

“Whatever,” he grumbled, turning attention back to his own screen to continue his investigation. “There’s nothing of use on my phone either.”

The two flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling in the frustrated confusion. There was so much of their night that had gone up into smoke, completely unaccounted for with no clues as to what they did. Each traced their steps over and over again in their heads as they hoped desperately for a single detail that would lead them down a path to bigger memories, but it never came.

“Are we going to have to call Jeff and ask him what happened?” she finally murmured.

“I think so.”

“He’s going to put us both in client timeout, isn’t he?”

“We’re probably already there,” he groaned as he picked up his phone and hit Jefe Jeff-e in his contact list, putting the call on speaker and resting it on his still bare chest. The man on the other end picked up almost immediately.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty, I was wondering when I was going to hear from you.”

“Hi Jeff,” he groggily started then stopped, searching for the words that would make this all less uncomfortable. “Y/N and I have some questions about last night.”

Jeff let out a strained chuckle. “Yeah, that doesn’t really surprise me after last night’s bar bill.”

“Um,” Harry hummed, stammering but unable to form any real words.

“You sing about sex for a living,” she hissed at the man next to her before yanking the phone off his chest. “Jeff,” she started, taking over the conversation for them both. “Do you know if we slept together?”

“Probably not. You both were pretty unconscious when I put you in the hotel room.” His words prompted a massive sigh from both of them, looking to each other to share a relieved smile.

“Oh thank god,” they mumbled in unison.

“Jinx,” he smirked under his breath, prompting a ‘shut up’ from her.

“How did I get into Harry’s clothes?”

“I stopped by the tour bus when I realized you two probably shouldn’t be trusted not to roll out of your top bunks. I got you some clothes to sleep in before we took you guys to the hotel.”

“But why Harry’s?”

It was Jeff’s term to get squirmy. “I felt weird going through your things.”

“But you were perfectly fine with going through mine?” Harry asked, only half joking.

“Absolutely,” he deadpanned. They were all quiet for a moment before Jeff began again. “You two really don’t remember anything else that happened?”

“Everything after about two is unaccounted for,” she confessed.

“Oh,” Jeff chuckled. “So, you don’t remember when you stuck your tongues down each other’s throats on the ride home?”

Fuck.

Her eyes raced up to Harry’s from the phone she had been staring at like it held all the secrets of the night before. His easily readable features displayed all his emotions that surely matched hers. His pupils had grown in surprise, taking over nearly all the green in his wide eyes, and an embarrassed blush tinted his cheeks in a red hot flush that had reached the tips of his ears. His eyes flashed to the blank wall in front of them, running a stressed hand through his curls, like if he wasn’t looking at her, he would be able to focus better on the newly revealed information.

She couldn’t say that she didn’t relate. Her mind often went blank when she looked at him too. But right now, it was racing, occupied by anxious thoughts and intense emotions she couldn’t quite place, but felt with her entire being.

Her inevitable downward spiral was interrupted when Harry stiffly cleared his throat. “Uh,” he started, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. “We’ll see you later.”

“Sounds good, love birds,” Jeff replied, a clear snark apparent in his voice. Neither of the pair dignified his teasing with a response, Y/N quickly ending the call.

Silence hung heavy in the air and she let her eyes hover over the phone for too long when she settled it down on the bed, unwilling to connect her eyes with his just yet. Harry always had a way of staring into her and revealing all her cards to him before she even knew them herself. She wanted to hold them close to her chest for a moment, protecting the heart that longed for him more than anything else in the world.

There were no words exchanged between the two for a while as they silently took turns in the bathroom and occupied their hands and thoughts by their phones. They walked on eggshells anytime one neared the other. A tension like this hadn’t existed since the very first day they met, the first day they had begun to pretend.

Maybe that's why Harry was being so quiet. Maybe he never wanted to cross that line of pretending like she did. Maybe she had been blinded by his generally friendly personality and tricked herself into thinking there was anything more than a charade between them. Maybe last night really was just a drunken mistake, no matter how much she wanted it to be more.

“Maybe it’s a good thing that we don’t remember what happened last night,” she finally murmured from the opposite end of the room. She rested the side of her still heavy head and muscles against the wall, arms crossed in front of her as if they could keep her safe from the tension they had created. Her fingers nervously played with the hem of his t-shirt she was still dressed in.

“Why is it a good thing?” he almost immediately responded from the chair on the other side of the room he had settled himself into, running his hands along the satin pants of last night’s outfit he had put back on during their awkward shuffling around the room. He had even put physical space between them since they found out what happened, causing her heart to feel as if it was teetering on the edge of disintegrating.

“Well,” she stuttered, refusing to look at him and continuing to pick at her nail polish. “We’re just pretending so it would be weird if we really remembered it.”

“I don’t think it would be weird.”

“I don’t know,” she tried to maneuver her way around his response. “It might just be embarrassing to think about it.”

He let out a long and frustrated sigh, running his hands down his face. There was so much going on behind his eyes and she wished he would say something, anything, to break down the wall that hadn’t existed between them in months that was slowly reappearing.

“Do you regret it?” he asked bluntly, the abrupt question shocking her body to attention. “Do you regret any of this? Any of us?”

Did she regret drinking too much? Yes. Did she regret making out with him in front of their manager? Yes. Did she regret denying her feelings and pretending they didn’t exist for so long? Of course. But, did she regret falling in love with him? Never, not even for a second.

“No, I don’t,” she let out with a gentle shake of her head, no louder than a whisper.

“Neither do I.”

The words had barely left his lips before he crossed the room and crashed them into hers. The same fire she had felt on stage returned ten times over as his lips moved smoothly over hers, every neuron in her body lighting up like a switchboard. Her fingers reached up to curl into his hair and pull his lips impossibly closer to hers as her heart hammered in her chest with a passionate love she had kept under wraps for so long.

He tasted like the spicy peppermint toothpaste the hotel stocked in the bathroom and smelled like the tiny bottles of shampoo that rested on the side of the bathtub; but there was so much else about him that was completely unique–wholly irreplaceable and indescribable. He was just Harry.

Teeth clashed, lips were bitten, and hair was pulled as they took in every sensation the other created. His lips had been the only thought that captivated her mind since they were on stage the night before and her return to them did not disappoint. If her head wasn’t dizzy and her lungs not screaming at her for air, she would have stayed in that moment forever

When they finally disconnected, they stood against each other in a heaving and disheveled mess of heavy breathing and adoringly dazed smiles. She swore she could feel the pounding of his heart under her fingertips that rested on his chest.

“That was nice,” he eventually murmured down at her through heavy breaths, a love drunk grin finding its way onto his swollen lips.

“Yeah, I agree,” she hummed breathlessly, her anxious thoughts quiet and calm for the first time she could remember since she met him.

“I’m kind of disappointed I don’t remember doing that the first time,” he chuckled softly at her, shaking his head lightly in embarrassment with his pink tinged cheeks on full display.

“That’s okay. We were ‘just practicing’ then, right?” A giggle left her lips as she used the words against him. The same words he had used every time they let a glimpse of their true affections for each other slip past their guarded and friendly facade.

His dimples were exposed when he smiled a giant grin and let out a knowing huff, piecing together that she had caught onto his trail of excuses. “Yeah, just practicing,” he repeated softly, before his tone turned sincere and genuine. “I don’t want us to pretend anymore.”

“Good,” she said softly as her fingers slid up his neck to beckon his lips back down to hers. “I never was.”

“Neither was I.” She watched a soft smirk appear on his lips as they hovered over hers. “Do you want to keep not practicing?”

“Depends,” she quipped, lips brushing over his as she spoke. “Am I better kisser than Taylor Swift?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK MEAN THE WORLD!!! 

An extra for our babies can be found here!

[lunarticxenia]

The Sun Signs

Hi guys! So I decided to make a series. I’m going to do: each sign in each planet, each house placement for every planet, and the aspects for all the planets. This of course is going to be over the course of a month; it’s going to take a while to cover everything LMAO. I’m thinking of doing this and alternating between asteroids, “placements that make people ____”, and astrology observations. Without further ado, here’s my take on the sun signs based off of people I know: 

🪁 Aries: These people are go-getters and know what they want when they want it. I feel like a lot of people associate Aries with being extroverts because they’re a fire sign, but I know ALOT of Aries and 95% of them have been shy. It’s more of the Aries moons that I’ve noticed that have been more extroverted. However other aspects in your chart can determine this. They’re also extremely competitive and very hard workers. Every Aries I’ve ever met has worked their ass off, and they keep working their asses off until they perfect everything. Some negatives are that Aries people can be super dramatic as well, and don’t take other people’s advice. Even when they ask for it, if their mind is set on something, there’s no going back. 

🪁 Taurus: Boy oh boy, do these people just want to go on a 10 year vacation and not have to deal with anyone ever again. These people love the finer things in life; they most likely have a creative hobby or have a creative streak. They also love good food and they love a good nap. Now everyone says Tauruses are super chill, and honestly, it depends on other aspects in their chart. I’ve known super chill Tauruses and super chaotic Tauruses. I’ve noticed the chaotic Tauruses have a lot of Aries energy in their chart i.e. Aries Mercury and Aries Mars (no offense Aries). I’d say a downside of Tauruses is that they can be lazy because they love to relax (however this depends on other aspects) and they can be apathetic a lot. I’ve found that Tauruses can very much disconnect themselves from a situation when they have to, so they can keep calm and grounded. 

🪁 Gemini: These people are social and will talk for hours. I don’t mean this in a bad way. Even the more introverted Geminis, once you get to know them they will talk for days especially about things they’re passionate about. I think it’s a cute and endearing trait. A lot of people hate on Geminis, but I don’t get it. One of my best friends is a Gemini, and she’s the most genuine person I’ve ever met. In fact, most Geminis I’ve met have not been two-faced, at least from my experience. I think that Geminis are also very funny, every Gemini I’ve met has made me laugh my ass off. Every single one. They have a great sense of humor and a very engaging personality. You can see this with Gemini politicians, they’re very charismatic and know how to entertain a crowd. I’d say the more negative side of Gemini is that they can be very flighty about what they want and while they’re social, they’re not always the best communicators when it comes to interpersonal relationships. 

🪁 Cancer: I’ve found that Cancers are either extremely extroverted or extremely introverted; and this can change depending on their mood LMAO. I can speak from experience; I am a Cancer. Sometimes I feel like being social and talking; other times I hate people and I just don’t wanna deal with them. Cancers also always have a softness to them; even if they have a lot of fire energy. I don’t know how to describe it other than they just look like water itself. I’d say some obvious downsides of Cancer are that they can be extremely moody and they can be snippy. If you catch them in the wrong mood, they’ll snap at you. I’m guilty of this as well. 

🪁 Leo: Again, a lot of people don’t like Leos but I love them. The Leos I’ve met have not been self centered at all- in fact they’re the exact opposite. Perhaps it’s the underdeveloped Leo suns who are self-centered, but all the ones I’ve met have always put others before themselves. They’re not cocky at all. I’ve also found that Leos all have really nice hair; this is a stereotype that’s definitely true. I’ve never met a Leo with bad hair. I’ve also found that they’re super creative and even if they don’t have a creative hobby, they have a creative flair. They’re also REALLY funny. I feel like they’re definitely slept on in terms of funny placements. This is the sign that rules “performing” in a way, so of course they’re going to be entertaining. 

🪁 Virgo: My favorite sign. I love all the signs in their own way, but Virgo is my favorite. Every single Virgo I’ve met I’ve loved. I get along so well with them. Virgos are shit on for being critical but it’s because they know that the people in question can achieve so much. Virgos also save that critical energy for themselves and can tear themselves apart if they’re not perfect. These people are also always putting others before themselves and always try to help everyone. Remember the 6th house rules one’s sense of usefulness. They feel that if they’re not being useful in some way to people that they’re not good enough. I literally just want to hug every Virgo. Also they’re not boring at all. FOH. Virgos are literally so much fun. 

🪁 Libra: These people are just so likable. No matter what they do, you just tend to like them for some reason. They can adapt to any type of personality and they have a way of making everyone like them. This is why Libra suns tend to be popular; they’re very bubbly and sociable. Even if they’re not popular, they’re well-liked. However, this can be their downfall as well. They can be superficial and fake. They tend to flip flop in arguments alot, and they try to play on both sides which can create more tension between two people. Also, have you ever seen a Libra try to make a decision? LMAO. Love them though. 

🪁 Scorpio: Your eyes. Holy fuck. You can tell if someone is a Scorpio just by the gaze in their eyes. They stare into your fucking soul. Even if their eyes are a light color, there’s always a sense of mystery and darkness to them. Despite this sense of power they give off, once you get to know them they’re literally the biggest teddy bears. Literally just go up to one and talk to them, they’ll talk to you and be all nice and happy. I’ve noticed that Scorpios just don’t like to talk about their emotions or what goes on in their heads either. They like to look strong and they don’t show their vulnerable side to just anybody. This would be one of their downfalls. They have a hard time being vulnerable and letting people in. They look fierce, but they’re sweet and just want a hug. 

🪁 Sagittarius: The funniest people ever. I’ve never met a non-funny Sagittarius. I work with two of them and they have me in tears laughing. They’re also very smart and you can talk to them about anything. Even if they don’t get the best grades in school (which I rarely see, the Valedictorian and the Salutatorian were both Sagittariuses) they always have a base knowledge about everything. They’re also extremely chill and try not to take life too seriously. I’ve found that a downside of this placement is that they can be very flighty in love. They have a hard time settling down which can be difficult for someone who wants to date them. Sagittariuses crave independence and they’re usually not the relationship types. Also they have a hard time taking things seriously. 

🪁 Capricorns: My guilty pleasure. I’ve dated two of them and 75% of the people I’ve liked were Capricorn suns. I feel like people overlook the appeal of Capricorns. Scorpios are the “sexy” ones, but have you seen how attractive Capricorns can be? Remember, in Tarot, the Devil rules Capricorn, so they can be devilishly handsome or darkly beautiful. Even if they’re not the most attractive person in the room, they have an aura to them that’s intriguing. They speak softly and carry a big stick. They don’t have to impress anyone; they know that they’re powerful. I’d say some downsides to Capricorns are that they have a hard time expressing their emotions and they tend to shove them down; which can result in them exploding later on. They also have a tendency to be arrogant, and can dish it out, but they can’t take it. 

🪁 Aquariuses: My second guilty pleasure. I just love the Saturn energy, what can I say? Aquariuses are such lovable weirdos. I don’t know how else to describe them. Every single one I’ve met has been unique in some way and they don’t try to fit in either. They’re proud of being different. My boss is an Aquarius and I felt self conscious one day because I had a different color shirt on than everyone else and he told me “Why would you want to fit in when you could stand out?”. They’re those types of people. They’re also really funny as well, their minds just work so differently from everyone else. They’ll say the most outlandish things and you’ll die laughing. Some downsides? You could know them for years and you’ll just find out things about them. They don’t share things about themselves and it’s hard to get to know them. They also can be very emotionally cold. They don’t like emotions. 

🪁 Pisces: Softies. They’re literally soft teddy bears. No matter how big or tall or muscular they could get, you just look into their eyes and that softness is there. They’re really sweet and tend to be more introverted. They aren’t the types who go out of their way to talk to strangers at a party. They love comfort and they like to feel secure. They’re also very dreamy if that makes sense. They always look like they came out of a fantasy world. I’d say a major downside would be that they’re overly sensitive. They cannot take a joke. I remember I was telling my co worker who’s a Pisces about the negative traits of Pisces and one of them was lazy; and he got SO offended. He was like “I am NOT lazy.” LMAO. 

Also guys, as I’ve said, other things in your natal chart can affect these traits. For the next asteroid by the way, I’m between asteroid Bellona and Lilith. Which one would you guys want to see? I’ve been getting a lot of questions about those two. :)