#i’m drunk don’t perceive me lmao

[vigilskeep]

hiya!! I never learned much about oghren besides what I needed to because, from what I remember, he pissed me off so bad with misogynistic comments that in both my playthroughs I kicked him out of the party as soon as the game would let me😂what would you say is the appeal of his character? it seems there’s more to him if I could’ve got past that, based on the posts of yours I’ve seen

i’m not going to make an argument for pushing through if you can’t deal with how he talks because like, it sucks and as i say, they did not do anything with it or make him get better on that. that being said, i think there is something interesting to his character and what can be done with it.

maybe i’m just desperate for dwarven lore lmao. there are three, total, dwarven companions in the series, counting one from a dlc, and i will take whatever lore i can get from my beloved orzammar

oghren operates in a really fascinating space in orzammar’s caste system. he’s born warrior caste, and once, he was everything orzammar values and a great prospect for a brilliant girl from the smith caste. then when she’s less than twenty and he’s presumably around the same, she becomes a paragon, a living legend, the voice of the ancestors. they soar up to being a noble house in a role neither of them are prepared for. oghren goes from being a very desirable match socially to an uncultured hanger-on who doesn’t even have branka’s attention as she becomes obsessed with her work (and quietly seeks a lover elsewhere in her new house). when branka goes into the deep roads two years before the events of the game, she takes the whole house—except him. and she doesn’t come back. oghren’s the single leftover of a house with no head. he’s also a berserker with ptsd, and when he loses control of himself in the proving arena and kills a young man, he’s no longer allowed to fight within the city bounds. if he left it, he’d be casteless; but inside it, he’s not far from that, unable to be the warrior that orzammar’s culture has always told him it is his only role and purpose to be.

there’s a lot of orzammar caste and gender politics in all of that. the guard who tells you about oghren says that he might have been something to be afraid of before the assembly “practically gelded him” by banning him from fighting. losing your ability to perform your caste role is emasculating and oghren’s over-exaggerated masculinity in his crude jokes is a response to that perceived shame. even before the ban, orzammar has the biggest gender inequality of anywhere we’ve spent time in thedas, and there’s a lot of implied social loss in becoming the lesser partner to his wife. both because she’s a woman and was once a lesser caste than him. in his fade nightmare, he’s drunk in tapsters, as strangers berate him for being a shame to branka’s house, dragging it down. he’s openly mocked in the same way in orzammar for all of this. for him in this dream, and in his life prior to meeting the warden, it’s easier to drink than to listen

there’s a lot to get into about how orzammar treats its warriors. they’re sent against the horrors of the deep roads, taught to harness this berserker rage, to be the only thing that stands between their home and the darkspawn, and... then what? is there a system in place for taking care of those veterans? i doubt they hold the same value once they lose the ability to perform their caste role. oghren talks a little about this, but he’s not even able to conceptualise that he should have been helped, it’s more like, how could they teach me how to fight out there like that and expect me to be able to hold back in that proving fight? a warrior’s going to do what a warrior’s going to do! but i don’t think it’s a surprise that someone like oghren turns to alcohol and i sincerely doubt he’s alone in that. compare it to someone like warden brosca’s mother turning to alcohol to deaden herself to life in dust town, and you can see that the dwarven love of drink so often played for laughs is the weight of the caste system in action

[icybreaths]

Rules, tag 10 followers  you want to get to know better!

Tagged by: @burdenedreverance (thank you~)

Tagging: @sunniestshark , @nildov , @characternerdocs , @ichigokurosaki , @sylvctica , @territorialii, @fallesto , @desuetmort , @midnightactual , @galeforged (no pressure tags, feel free to ignore!)

Name: Just call me Chicky

Star Sign: Taurus sun (Virgo moon / Scorpio rising winkwonk)

Height: 5'8

Middle name: Nicole

Put your itunes/spotify/youtube on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?

Crazy in Love – The Eden Project Feat. Leah Kelly

Death and Humanity – Sewerslvt

Psychonaut – Mr. Gnome

The Key – Black Stone Cherry

Dark Clubbing / Dark Electro / Industrial Bass Mix 'TECH NOIR' – Aim to Head Mix

Krwlng – Linkin Park (Reanimation)

Ever had a poem or song written about you: No, I don’t think so.

When was the last time you played air guitar: I don’t remember :’D

Who is your celebrity crush?: Hmmmm James Marsters, esp circa BTVS era. Hamsome

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: I cannot stand the sound of gritty textures, especially on metal. I always feel like I can taste it as I hear it and it makes me want to 4th dimensionally reel into myself I fucking Hate It lmao. I looooove the sound of rain. I feel an instant sense of calm and peace when it’s raining.

Do you believe in ghosts?: 100% I have stories!

How about aliens: Bro. We’re aliens bro.

Do you drive?: Noooo. It’s not out of a lack of trying either! I’ve failed the driving test twice and just barely failed last time. I think I was two points from passing it? My anxious ass was like, right maybe this isn’t for me I never wanted to do this anyway bye forever, and cried a little. But I’m over it now. Almost 30 btw, love that for me.

If so have you ever crashed: There were a couple of instances when I was younger but they were minor incidents luckily (also no I was not driving lmfao side-eyes previous question.)

What was the last book you read?: Couldn’t tell ya.

Do you like the smell of gasoline: No.

What was the last movie you saw?: Pretty sure it was Men in Black 2.

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  Several years ago I got really drunk and accidentally stepped on this creepy dude’s teapot with my bare foot, shattered it, and wounded my ankle. I Could Not walk on it omfg it hurt so bad. I was so drunk though that I was laughing about it, and then crying because I ‘couldn’t get the wound or shards out of my foot’ no matter how much I dug at it. There were no shards it was just a bloody pit and I was dumb drunk, don't perceive me.

Anyway skipping ahead a little bit because that was an awful night-- couldn’t walk on it properly for about two weeks, had to use crutches and people's shoulders as leverage so I could hobble around, and now I have a little crescent scar on my ankle to this day.

Lied to my family about it and told them it was from stepping on glass at a spring (because I was on vacation in another part of the country at the time. Didn’t wanna worry them. What a way to start off my 20s LOL)  I don't drink anymore btw. I don't enjoy the feeling of being drunk.

Do you have any obsessions right now?: Getting My Shit Together while also roleplaying on tumblarg, and doodling.

[alexstorm]

What you perceive as an “old man” walk is supposed to be “cool”. I think he sees this as a form of stage presence and part of his persona. Also you have to remember all he does on stage has a purpose. We might not understand it but I’m sure he’s got a reason // sorry but that doesn’t look cool. And it’s not just me, I’ve heard many fans say that he walks as if he has backache or as if he’s drunk. I know it’s subjective but at least the people whom I’ve seen talk about it don’t see it as cool. Maybe the ones who think it’s cool aren’t as vocal. And what sort of reason it might have that we don’t understand? lmao it’s like when a director makes a bad movie and then says “you don’t understand it”. I really don’t care about the way he walks, I thought that’s just his way until I saw him walking in real life.

Then why did you come to me asking me when you already made up your mind based on other fans’s opinions? I didn’t say you are supposed to find it cool. I said Alex thinks it’s cool. I really don’t care about his walk as much as you.

[bisluthq]

There are articles on Louis Tomlinson and One Direction, and once again Louis is speaking out about Larry not being real, but he is helpless in saying anything that changes people’s mind. It’s nothing he can do about it. I think it’s frustration on Sean’s part that rumors persist too. I think most Gaylors think Taylor would just come out and deny it, and the reason she doesn’t, is proof she is. I think she did try but the rumors got worse and saying anything more would make her sound homophobic. That is a fear in Hollywood, I believe…being perceived as homophobic. Hiddles seemed to get irritated when asked about it, and flat out denied his rumors. There are plenty of gay and bi people in Hollywood, but the conspiracists seem to focus harder on people that really hasn’t shown any proof they are gay.

Taylor did come out and deny it lol. She denied it to fucking CNN. They covered Taylor being straight alongside wars and shit. But yeah conspiracists don’t give a shit.

look, a bit of speculation is natural and normal and sometimes is yk very true lol. People do come out and/or admit rumors were correct sometimes. Rumors about wild behavior are always fun. People do have fun with one another and artsy people do on the whole tend to be kinda wild and free spirited so like heterosexual truthering to the point of “NO I KNOW FOR A FACT THIS PERSON HAS NEVER EVEN KISSED A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER” is just… not it for me lol. I mean I met old (in length of friendship not age per se) friends of my bf’s the other day that he’s had from Cali/HW (all are film people) and those two friends are married now but when my bf met HER (she’s his friend, he met him through her) she was married to some other guy. Fun story about how those two met: her now hubby has a tongue ring and one night apparently everyone was asking him what it’s like to hook up with a guy with a tongue ring so he set up a kissing line and HER THEN HUSBAND was in the line directly in front of her and made out with him first, after which she did. Her husband and her then split for completely unrelated reasons (my bf had known him and he was apparently a bit of a prick), this guy and her were working a crew job together, got drunk and hooked up and… the rest is history lmao. She finds it hilarious her ex husband made out with her now husband first. Now I don’t think that’s an especially straight story but I’m 90% sure everyone (except tongue ring guy who’s a bit of a wildcard on that kinda thing) in it identifies as straight. People also have flings and shit idk on both sides of the equation - a VERY lesbian friend of mine (the girl who was a bit too masc for me personally when we went on a few dates and we were both just not fully feeling it romantically but we’ve stayed pretty good friends - we actually were very close straight after the failed attempt at dating but then she moved to Colorado so it’s not super easy to talk time zone wise but we do text regularly) recently got drunk and hooked up with her male roommate lol. Shit happens. None of that’s identity related or like necessarily that deep and we should normalize saying like idk people do stuff sometimes lol and it’s fun and normal and we shouldn’t try box everything neatly.

conspiracies on the other hand rot ur brains 🤷🏻‍♀️ and all these gay truthering things are literally that - not rumors, just full on conspiracies and often kinda homophobic at their core because it comes down to like “a straight person wouldn’t do that” and like??? WTF lol. Wtaf.

[theharrowing]

Favorite author=Claire=infinte love for them.

That's it. That's the message.😁😁💜

I LOVE YOUUUUUU 🥰🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️♥️♥️

[obiwan]

SO i’m going back to my home country tomorrow for a month, and pros: I’M MEETING MY PUPPY I’M BRINGING BACK TO AMSTERDAM AAAAH i could not be more excited about this!!!!!!!! me! a dog owner! god. he is literally the cutest puppy i can not wait to meet him 😭

cons: i need to attend a wedding of a childhood/family friend and GOD i do NOT want to see these people at ALL have them all comment on how i look (because they will lmao, third world country + older gen = zero tact) just. even the idea of it stresses me out, fake polite smiles and unnecessary explanations (like oh my god you haven’t seen me for at least 6-7 years what kind of autonomy do you think you have) 

I just really hate that any kind of comment, positive or negative, anything, will circulate back to your weight lmao like ik i sound dramatic but it does, like whyyyy does this need to be the FIRST thing that is commented on. i will persevere, i’ve had an ED for a better chunk of my life and I think I’m as recovered as I can be so TRULY whatever but lmao mentally preparing myself for an entire evening of this. Going to attempt to get blackout drunk tbh. I just hate that people feel like they can rightfully just outright comment on the way you look like. that is an insane thing to do. i don’t want to be perceived! n e way. i am kind of excited to go back home and see my best friend and my dog omg. a dog!!! 

[mypoisonedvine]

Closer | Bucky Barnes x reader

I wrote this for @mariessecretfantasies’ 500 follower challenge, took me forever but it’s done!!  congrats on 500 love, although I bet (and hope) you’re well past that now.

my ‘prompt’ was a song, specifically Closer by Nine Inch Nails… so it’s filthy.  purely filth, no plot.  don’t say I didn’t warn you.  special thanks to @evnscvll​ for the proofread!

warnings: SMUT of course, mild(?) dub con, d/s dynamics, oral sex (m receiving), vaginal sex, anal sex (and the prep is...not that good), ass-to-mouth (i’m literally blushing as I type this oml i’m so sorry), mentions of blood, slapping, spitting, degradation, semi-public sex, pain kink, and some other generally unhygienic behaviors…  this isn’t a dark fic per se but it’s got 0 fluff.  not even one ounce of fluff detected.  definitely no aftercare lmao.  ain’t nobody got time for that.

word count: a bit under 3k

He couldn’t drink anymore-- well, he could, but he couldn’t get drunk, so there was no use.  Couldn’t get high on any drug, either.  Pain didn’t affect him the way it did other people.  But everybody has their vice, their way of hurting themselves to feel something when they can’t feel anything else.  You were his, and he was yours.

You couldn’t even remember now how it started.  There was definitely alcohol involved, but past that you weren’t sure what had compelled you two to stumble into bed together.  Even at the time you had realized it was irresponsible and probably not worth the trouble, but it seemed inevitable in some weird way.

That was how it always felt, actually.  Like tonight, when he met your gaze from across the bar.  His eyes were so dark, demanding-- it made you shiver even though it only lasted for a moment before he looked away, pulled into conversation with Bruce.  But you knew what it meant.

Didn’t matter anyhow; it was a big party, the whole crew and nearly all of the Tower staff were crawling the halls.  There was no guarantee of privacy at a time like this.  

You were chatting with Wanda when you felt a hand slip around your arm, pulling you back into somebody’s form-- of course you knew it was him, you could tell by the roughness of his skin, the smell of him, the way he pressed against your back…

“Can I speak to you privately for a moment?” Bucky requested with poorly-suppressed irritation, his lips almost pressed against your ear.

“S-sure,” you stumbled over your response.  You got the sense that there wouldn’t be much speaking, but you couldn’t turn him down in front of these people without giving yourself away.

And that was how you ended up in a broom closet, pressed against the wall with his tongue dominating your mouth and his hands somehow feeling like they were touching you everywhere all at once.

“Buck, wait,” you managed to murmur against his mouth as his lips crashed into yours.

“Tired of waiting,” he growled in reply.  “Turn around.”

You didn’t even think to question it, just obeyed his command blindly as he slammed you into the wall and began pushing your dress up, pulling your underwear aside.

“Not here,” you groaned.

“Shut up,” he hissed.

The absolute second that his cock was free he was shoving it between your legs and fucking you with unmatched speed and ferocity.  It nearly burned, the way it forced you open, but it was exactly what you needed.  You arched your back to accept his length more easily, your head falling back in pleasure.  He responded by grabbing your hair and pulling it until your back arched even more.  

“Oh god, Bucky,” you whimpered.  In response, he slammed his hand over your mouth and fucked you even harder, as if it were punishment; he didn’t like when you said his name in times like this.  He didn’t want to think about who he was, or who you were, or what the two of you were doing.  He just wanted to feel you and nothing else.

Funny how a man who’d been unwillingly brainwashed actually craved the chance to forget.

His other hand moved from your hair and slipped down between your legs, roughly rubbing your clit as your hips bucked and thrashed in response.  He held you still through it, biting down on your neck hard enough to make you worry about the skin breaking.  But he knew by now that you liked the threat of pain, which is why he slipped his left hand down from your mouth to your neck.  The sound of your breath halting to silence was so perfect that he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning.

Already your vision was spotting into darkness, starting at the corner of your eyes and moving in.  As you lost your connection with the visual aspects of your reality, everything else became stronger, and it felt like you were somehow seeing better than ever.

He stopped thrusting and leaned closer to your ear.  “When I let go of your neck,” he explained quietly, his voice dark and rough, “get on the floor on your hands and knees.”  

He released his grip and your lungs sucked in air faster than they could handle, making you cough and sputter a little.  Still, you turned around to begin following his instructions.  You got a better look at him than you had before.  His eyes were so blown out that they were nearly black, watching you with hungry rage.  Or maybe it was raging hunger.  

You felt his gaze follow you as you stepped around him, bending down and getting on the floor.  It was cold and a little bit gritty, both of which made you shudder.  You became aware of the wetness which had leaked from your opening, smeared over your thighs and made an uncomfortable patch on the edge of your panties.  You didn’t have to worry about that much longer, though, as he kneeled behind you and ripped them off.  

“Buck, I need those--”

He slapped your ass, with the vibranium hand.  It was so hard that you perceived the sound before your body processed the pain.  As you lurched forward, your squeal of pain tore and cracked in your throat, so much that you could barely recognize it as yourself.   

One hand slid your dress up further, admiring the warmth and smoothness of your skin, two fingers running along your spine; the other guided his cock to your pussy again.

You weren’t quite ready, not exactly wet or warmed up enough for this angle.  You were sure this was the most your body could take, if not a little bit more.  The way he pushed into you-- ignoring the resistance of your inner walls, your skin breaking out into goosebumps, your arms and legs quivering-- put you entirely at his mercy.  Just as you were about to cry out in response to it all, he roughly shoved three fingers into your mouth: flesh, sweaty and dirty, tasting slightly of scotch and gun oil.  They pushed your cheeks out from the inside, stretched your chapped lips until they cracked and you tasted blood.  You swirled your tongue around them anyways, ignoring the way it caused drool to lewdly drip down his hand and your chin.  

He smiled, in a twisted way, as he looked down at you.  “You need it so bad, don’t you?”

You nodded feverishly, groaning around his fingers and letting your eyes flutter shut.  

He used the hand on your back to guide your movements, watching your body as it swallowed his length to the base.  He could tell you were struggling with his size, and he was almost impressed with your fortitude.  Unfortunately for you, it only made him want to push you further.

Pulling his fingers from your mouth, he grabbed your arms at your elbow and held them behind your back, using them to keep you upright as he slammed into you.  Each thrust made your knees scrape on the concrete, and your shoulders were twisted into an awkward position that made your muscles burn, but you didn’t care.  All it did was add tinder to the flame of pleasure.

Tears stung the back of your eyes.  You always cried when he fucked you like this, and he either didn’t care or didn’t notice; it was just so intense, you couldn’t stop yourself.  You would probably be bleeding when he was finally done with you, and you would definitely be sore (on the outside and inside) tomorrow.

“Gonna cry, bitch?  Can’t take it?” he hissed.  You always got wet when he talked like that.  Then again, you got wet whenever he talked at all.

Your voice came out hoarse and cracked when you spoke.  “Harder,” you barely managed to grit out through your teeth.  

Instead what he did was pull out and flip you over, slapping you straight across the face.  There was nowhere to hide from him now, with your legs spread and your clothes torn to shreds, so you didn’t even try to suppress the moan when he hit you.  He grunted and hit you again, spinning your face the other way.  You wanted to ask him to hit you again but he just shoved himself inside you again, putting his weight on your neck as he wrapped a hand around it.  You couldn’t moan but you could arch your back; he pushed down on your stomach until you couldn’t do that anymore either, and it forced your g-spot to push right into his cock.  You would’ve screamed if you could; it felt so fucking good, too good, too much all at once.

Who could say how long that went on for?  It didn’t feel subject to time or space, it all just felt like sensation-- sensation which washed over you until you didn’t know how to experience anything else.  So often our bodies feel like machines, slaves to routine.  A body which must rise in the morning, rest in the evening; a mind which must toil over the past and worry for the future.  Now, you didn’t even know your own name-- you didn’t even understand what a name was for.  Your only purpose now, and your only goal, was to feel.

That was what you craved about this: the chance to forget about everything else.

At some point you were pulled back into reality by the way he was manhandling you, tossing you back onto your knees and pulling your body flush with his by your hair.

“Beg me to let you come,” he growled, but you couldn’t even think long enough to put a sentence together, let alone actually get it out.  He bit down on your shoulder and you whimpered in pain.  

“P-please,” you sighed-- it came out so quiet that even you could barely hear it.  His teeth sunk in deeper; you tried to say it again but it was caught in your throat.

He pulled your head to the side by your hair, and slapped the half that was exposed.  “Beg me to let you come,” he repeated, slower, “you dumb fucking whore.”

“Please… please, let me come,” you mumbled.  

“Louder.”

You hesitated, about to remind him that the hallways outside probably had people passing through and someone might hear you, but your hesitation was rewarded only with more violence as he hit you again-- even harder than the last time.  You yelped and bit down on your lip.

You hadn’t realized how weak you were until he let go and you instantly fell to the floor, your hips held up by his hands but your face pressed against the cold cement.

“You can come,” he decided, almost flippantly, as he fucked into you deeper and harder.  It seemed like he knew your body better than you did: he made you come faster, for one, and he saw it coming sooner as well.  It was slightly embarrassing, but then again, you were on your knees in a broom closet so that was sort of beside the point.

It seemed to hit you all at once, and with no sign of stopping.  You reached up to claw at the wall but it did nothing to keep you stable as shocks reverberated through your body.  You were about to space out again when you felt the metal tip of his thumb press against your tighter rim.  

“W-wait,” you gasped, but he pressed in further and your words were lost to a whimper.

“Oh, you can’t play innocent with me, sweetheart.  I know you want me to fuck this little ass.  Go ahead, say it.”

“F-fuck my ass, please,” you begged.  It sounded shameless, but there was certainly shame (and fear) tingling in your gut.

The thumb pushed in all the way, and before you could deal with the way that felt, it was replaced with two fingers.  You hissed from the sting, but willed your body to relax as you fell back into that headspace and simply let everything happen to you.  

The transition from two to three fingers was barely noticeable.  But you definitely noticed when he pulled everything out of you, guiding the head of his cock higher up.  He moved your hips closer as you went limp in his grasp-- a drooling, mindless fuckdoll who, apparently, spread your legs for him whenever he wanted.  It was some undefinable mixture of demeaning and liberating.

His cock pressed against your opening, and when it finally pushed past the tightness with a nauseating pop, you bit your lip.  

You almost felt prideful when you heard him moan; he was usually pretty quiet.  How you managed to feel any sense of achievement or value when you were face down in a broom closet getting fucked up the ass… that was a different issue.

He didn’t give you much time to adjust as he picked up his speed, fucking you so much gentler than he ever did but still rougher than you were expecting, somehow.  Each time he was buried all the way inside, you felt like you were miles beyond your body’s limits, fuller and wider than was possible.  It made you wet, uselessly.

When he moved faster, his balls slapped against your pussy and you could hear how much you were loving this, even as disgusting and painful as it was.  He leaned forward to push your face into the ground and fucked you harder.  The new angle pushed him even deeper, opened you up even more brutally, and you couldn’t suppress a cry of pain.

“How’s it feel, huh?” he taunted.

“It hurts,” you told him with a voice much whinier than you intended, but you weren’t exactly complaining.  And you definitely weren’t asking him to stop.

Not that you were worried that he would.  If anything, it only inspired him to push you further as he grabbed your hips tight to slam you back onto his cock.  

He didn’t announce that he was close, but you could just barely tell based on the way your hazy brain couldn’t ignore the rapid increase in his thrusts.  A broken growl was your signal that he was filling you with come but you were too numb to feel any difference.  He kept fucking you through it, only stopping once every drop was inside you.  When he slowed to a stop you sighed with relief, wincing a little as he pulled out and trying to ignore the lewd way that your hole flexed and constricted.  You felt his come leaking as it dripped down over your pussy, down your thighs and onto the floor.  

The smell in this cramped space was inescapable, and putrid, and only now did you really become aware of it.

“Don’t just lay there,” he scoffed as he stood up, “come over here and get on your knees.”

At this point, you were so well-trained that you were obeying his words before you’d even processed them or taken the time to question what his intentions were.  

You looked up at him with watery eyes as he stroked his cock right above your face.  He was looking at you with the most uninterpretable expression… cold eyes, tightened jaw, lips curled into a grimace.

“Clean me off,” he demanded, shoving his softening length into your mouth, “come on, clean my cock off.”

You grimaced but did as he asked, sucking and licking as it slid down your tongue and back into your throat.  Didn’t take much of him for you to start choking, considering his size.

“Breathe through your nose,” he offered as a solution, but you had been trying to avoid smelling or tasting it.  You didn’t even want to think about it.

You even took the time to lick his balls clean, too, and they tasted like your own arousal, bringing back some memories which managed to disturb you in spite of their recentness.  When he was satisfied, he pushed you back onto the floor by your throat, and you swallowed thickly.

As per usual, he said nothing as he stuffed himself back into his jeans, or as he made a hasty exit.  When he shut the door behind him, you were left there used up and tossed aside; dress ruined, mascara smeared, panties torn, come seeping out of you, gasping for breath.  You had no plan for getting out of here without everyone seeing you; you had no plan for getting out of this sick, addictive cycle with him.  In the meantime, you would sit in the empty room and wait for the blood flow to return to your numbed extremities, wait for the aftershocks of arousal and orgasm to subside, and let yourself bask in the comfort of the dark.

[a-hidden-weeb-an-open-queer]

Yo whores, bros, and other nonbinary folks, Naruto? Yeah that shit is shit. Sorry >.<

Big shocker when I say this, but the systems in Naruto make little to no sense. From the hospital system to the education system, all of it SUCKS.

And one of the biggest offender is ANBU - yea those bitches.

ANBU are suppose to be the eliet, the best of the best, the type of soldiers that follow all orders and can kill with their pinkies.

Woah. Weird. Because what we get are little pussies.

In order to keep my sanity, I've convinced myself that it's done on purpose - because pointing out bad writing is more boring then desperately trying to excuse bad writing in the form of head canons and theories.

You cannot tell me otherwise that the ANBU was created by a drunk Hashirama and everyone just went, "you got it, boss man."

The system is so deeply flawed that it's getting soldiers killed - good soldiers. And when you run out of quality, you replace it with quantity.

The ANBU is built to accept the highest portion of people who are willing to sell their souls to their government. The way to do this is easy, you make the test easy - that's right, it's all a lie hoes.

Now, how do I know that Hashirama drunkly came up with this system? Well...i dont because SOMEONE doesn't give us good historical backstories - but I theorize this is how it went down.

BECAUSE NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE.

First of all, why the masks?

"B-but Weeb-san, the masks are to identify and give a persona to ANBU soldiers"

Incorrect, ignorant fake person who I made up for this argument.

You see, you don't want your unidentifiable ops to be...identify. We know that ANBU ops keep the same mask all throughout their career, so what's stopping a gossiping citizen from recognizing the same ANBU? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I bet my whole ass that there would be an underground Bingo book about ANBU ops, because oh, look at that: All it takes is a single person to record an ANBU's mask and abilities to completely nullify the whole point of ANBU.

The people who need to be identifying the ANBU are the same people who allowed to know the identities of ANBU - making the whole mask system fucking pointless.

Now, look, I'll admit that the whole 'adopting a persona to make you feel less shitty about murdering an entire family' is a valid argument - IF their personas wasn't so obvious.

So here's what you should do to fix it:

Keep the mask idea, but have them all be the same.

Keep the personable names, but allow them to be assigned by an overseeing captain or be personally choose - it's important to have these names to be personal and not just numbers; an easy way to forget who you are and going insane is by being completely stripped of who you are.

Oh. By the way, it's super easy to identify people outside of ANBU masks.

An example: when Kakashi was in ANBU, his hair and voice was unchanged.

How the fuck did no one go: "huh, it might be easy to identify this literal child genius based off his squeaky voice and weird ass hair. We should probably hide it with THE LITERAL HUNDREDS OF JUTSU THAT WERE CREATED EXACTLY FOR THIS REASON."

Oh, and right, let's not forget the tattoos.

No, you didn't hear me incorrect: the organization that no one is suppose to be aware that you're apart of gives you a tattoo. A tattoo. Right.

Can you guess where they're suppose to go? That's right bitch, on the shoulder. Right. Sure. Okay.

What, are ANBU suppose to fuck with their shirt on for the rest of their life? Oh sorry, I forgot the ANBU actively discourages having a life outside of being mindless shoulder because that's defiantly not a recipe for disaster - my bad.

"Oh but Weeb-san this is so they can assure that no one can copy and pretend to be an ANBU."

Yes, yes, I'm aware that the ANBU typical unform shows the shoulders. That's great. Sadly, there is a magical system in place which literally have zero limitations - looking at you space rabbit. Trust me, a tattoo is not the solution here.

So how do we fix this:

Add seals to the back of the mask to make it A.) Impossible to remove without the correct hand seals (which should change weekly btw) B.) Makes all voices monotone and androgynous.

Use the magic system. Please for fucks sake, use it. Everyone should have the same appearance; looking badass isn't an excuse for being a dumbass.

The tattoo system is in place to avoid the ANBU from being infiltrated. Allow me to quickly say: infiltrating ANBU will have to be done by someone who has inside information - the ANBU literally have their own sign language. Plus, I'm sure the members are close enough to realize when someone isn't suppose to be there. Overall, the tattoo system is fucking pointless. Just get rid of it.

Some headcanons~

Therapy. Seriously. There should be a mandatory check up every three months. You're telling me we have a whole clan who specialize in mental health and we aren't going to use them? Fucking dumbass.

ANBU headquarters should hold everything a person would need: sleeping quarters, cafeteria, medic area, and rec area. For most ANBU this is a life style; it makes no sense to force PTSD riddle, lonely soldiers into normal population unless they actively choose it.

I do believe this is cannon-ish, but teams should created for a single specialization.

There should be captain and co-captain; this is just to assure that a dumbass decision isn't made. Or teams should have a voting system.

Retirement should be encourage. Shocker, but having a useless teammate is very dangerous. If someone is incapable of continuing in ANBU they should be discharged and put into a different branch where they can be even more useful.

ANBU should be a very respectful position and shouldn't be taboo to talk about or anti-famous. This is less about the organization and more about how the public perceives them - I just find it very weird that being ANBU isn't idolized by children or lower ranked shinobi.

I defiantly forgot a few points, but honestly who gives two shits? I'll just edit it later lmao.

See you later, sexy mamas~

Xoxo

[agoddamn]

I’m also a little ??? at this whole ‘30’s reel announcer intro thing. It’s very…distinct, but it feels weird to just throw me past a bunch of interesting stuff, like the actual discovery of the signal. This is much more a taste-based complaint than my other remark about story structure, I admit. Just…it makes it feel very clear that the writing priorities are Flashy Action above story.

Another episode of the Clone Wars with no clone content.

WE EVANGELION NOW

I’ve read a lot of fic about Mortis and nobody mentioned that it was an octahedron

So Obi-Wan has that Open Circle logo on his vambrace, but Anakin doesn’t

why does this feel so much like a Star Trek TOS episode

“landed on a mystery planet and there’s a bunch of gods here I guess, whattup Abraham Lincoln”

oddity: she introduces herself as “Daughter” , no article, but the others are “The Father”/”The Son”

If I were in Anakin’s position I would have assumed that she’s immune to rocks tbh. Bitch is glowing, reality is running in fast-forward. I assume she’d be able to handle rocks

Is this the first we’ve seen of Ahsoka dual-wielding or is my memory bad?

smh Ahsoka, short sabers are a massive DPS loss that aren’t worth the additional to-hit bonus. It’s so much easier to get additional to-hit buffs via gear or feats than it is to get additional damage, girl!

“Whoever I’m looking for is in that monastery”

this is such an “I read the script” line lmao he knows nothing about this planet except that its physical features do not adhere to the standard definition of reality, why would a tall building be more relevant than anything else? I mean, it’s an assumption that’s very IC for Anakin, I’m not criticizing that. Just. It’s funny.

i put on my robe and wizard hat.jpg

this mf straight out of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice

…are this guy’s theatrics even necessary? Aside from like, one Mace Windu line I don’t think anyone’s vocally doubted Anakin being the Chosen One

>Obi-Wan straight going 'bullshit’ and drawing his saber on ghost Qui-Gon

that’s my man

I like how Qui-Gon is rendered here (NOSE.jpg) but his voice feels…off. Which is funny, cos I believe this is actually Liam Neeson? lol

holy SHIT, they rendered a blanket. Really breaking the budget for Anakin here

I dunno man, it just feels bizarre and unnecessary to me to represent the Force, something that has specifically never been gendered or anthropomorphized as a single person, as three white people. You can split hairs about how they’re not technically the Force and “only” super-powerful Force beings, but come on. Narratively you are supposed to be taking them as Force Avatars, not a bunch of random assholes high on power. They sure feel like a bunch of random assholes to me, but I’m a mean person

Do you get it. Do you get the joke. Do you get that he’s The Father because Anakin has no father. That is the joke.

GIANT MONTRALS

Do Shaak Ti’s lekku do that awkward thing in profile of dangling over her boobs like this older Ahsoka here? If they do, I don’t recall. Maybe it just looks less odd on her because she’s wearing robes

I really can’t divine the intent, the purpose of this writing, why these people are here, their goals. Narratively or in-universe.

Like, this guy says that he can only CONTROL his children on this planet, and…what does that mean. Are they not sentient? Are they sentient and he just doesn’t believe that? Anakin doesn’t even question the need to control his children (which is, again, very Anakin, but useless to us from an information perspective)

There’s a couple beats of the Imperial March around this guy’s “and a prison” line

Ah yes, so this is where we get that headass “balance is dark AND light” take. I would like to mulishly submit that these are just random, pretentious assholes buying their own bullshit.

“when news reached me that the Chosen One had been found…”

Hang on hang on hang on

You get, like…physical news? I thought you were connected to the Force or some shit. You leech space wi-fi? You steal the neighbor’s papers? Because you’re about ten years late on the whole “Chosen One found” thing and if you’re so hax powerful connected to reality whatever, it’s very weird to me that you’re this dated in your news. I guess this could be a “we perceive time differently because we’re a million years old” thing, but it’s just odd

So far Mortis is a bizarre blend of literal and metaphorical/symbolic in a way that I’m having trouble parsing. Like, The Son’s big fancy plan was just dumping rocks on a bitch on this reality-bending octahedron

LITERALLY if you’re some kind of Force spirit why don’t you just fucking know whether or not Anakin is the Chosen One. Tick of evidence in my “just random pretentious assholes” column

Obi-Wan calls this planet “herself”

stupid-ass fucking regular yin-yang in goddamn incomprehensible space aliens God I hate this so much

“release the guilt and free yourself by choosing [who lives and who dies]”

That…seems like complete gibberish and another tick in my “pretentious asshole” column but whatever, I’ll buy that you believe it

Is it that impressive to lift creatures that already fly?

“it’s symbolic (caw)” note: yin-yang is now completely black

Looks like there’s…constellations in the ring above the arena? There’s a crane in the low-angle shot of Obi-Wan

“It has been foretold that the Chosen One will keep my children in balance!”

By who? When? Is this dude supposed to be so delusional and drunk on power that he’s convinced himself that he IS the Force and that’s why nothing here lines up with greater Force lore?

I really think this guy is just a delusional asshole

[monkberries]

Wait what's wrong with the AKOM How Do You Sleep episode? I remember it being fine but its been ages since i listened to it so if you've got any thoughts I'd love to hear them :)

Be aware, this is only about the first episode, not about the George-focused episode. If they resolve any of the issues I have with the first episode in the second episode, then I sincerely apologize.

First, there are some things they talk about that I agree with! Near the end of the episode, they discuss the dynamic between John and the people around him in a really insightful way, and in a way I’ve often thought about it; both John and the people around him were all kind of in this mindset of ���oh, Paul rejected us? Well, we didn’t want him ANYWAY! So THERE!” They also discuss the fact that John was very easily manipulated, and nearly his entire support system (minus Ringo, and shame on them for not mentioning that) basically egged his anger and viciousness on. And they also play/read some interviews with John about the song and tangential subjects, and it’s always nice to hear primary sources.

However, much like their post about Lewisohn, I find a lot of this episode excessive, overtorqued, and generally far too exaggerated. They perceive an imbalance in narratives (which I do think is there, just not to the extent they say) and overcorrect, imho.

First, I want to get my opinion on the song itself out of the way: I listen to it a lot. It’s on my Fall 2020 playlist. I enjoy the musicality, the style; the mood it evokes is extremely strong to me. Sometimes it’s fun to indulge in feeling evil or mean without having to actually be evil or mean! Plus, I love playing it right before Jealous Guy, or Steel and Glass, or I Know (I Know), just to get that maximum John Lennon Mood Whiplash effect. I think George’s solo is vicious and perfect for the mood as well. However, the lyrics are pretty horrendous in terms of their effect on Paul and his feelings; they’re also horrendous in that they’re just not well-written lyrics. IMHO you can tell it was written by three different people all throwing insults at the wall to see what would stick and rhyme. Half of the digs don’t even make sense. “So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise/You better see right through that mother’s eyes” Wut? “The one mistake you made was in your head” ??? The hell do these things even mean lmao

Anyway. Onto the episode itself.

Around 1 minute in, they say that there’s not a lot of check and balance in the Beatles fandom w/r/t this song, and that much of the fandom espouses that HDYS was “deserved” and “honest”. They reiterate this sentiment over in different ways throughout the episode, and I just do not see that kind of thing being a majority opinion in Beatles fandom spaces at all. Perhaps they are occupying different fandom spaces than I occupy (tumblr/Hey Dullblog/beatlebioreview), and it is true where they are? (In which case, my goodness, find some better blogs to follow, babes!) They talk about how they’ve never seen anyone pick it apart before, and that the discussion around it has not changed, that people have been saying Paul deserved it since it came out. Again, this is does not jive with my experience in the Beatles fandom.

From Shout!, a book with a well known anti-McCartney streak, published in 1981: “John’s Imagine album - despite the plea for universal peace and brotherhood in the title track - launched a thermo-nuclear strike back at Paul with ‘How Do You Sleep?’ a title suggesting crimes almost in the realm of first-degree murder. The McCartney references were unmistakable, and, often, cruelly unjust: ‘The freaks was right when they said you was dead... The only thing you done was Yesterday...’ There was even a two-fingered gesture of contempt for Paul’s new outdoor life with Linda on their Scottish farm.” Also, the RS review spends two paragraphs talking specifically about how heinous and unjustifiable HDYS is. You can definitely say that rock journalism takes some of the attitude of HDYS and runs with them, such as Paul’s music sounding like muzak - that sentiment certainly persisted. But I would argue that most of the shit journos are reacting to and buying into comes from Lennon Remembers primarily, where John says all the same crap and more, and worse, rather than HDYS itself, which they seem to balk at.

They make the claim as well that the Imagine LP has been elevated to some kind of untouchable, un-criticizeable status. In the years after his death, I think there is probably some truth to that, although again, untouchable is an extreme word. Even in 2003, the LP was number 80 on Rolling Stone’s top 500 albums of all time. However, it was 227 on NME’s list in 2013 and dropped to 223 on Rolling Stone’s new 2020 list, suggesting a waning in popularity over time and a willingness to look more objectively at the quality of it.

The thing that really bothered me about this episode is like... They talk about the need for nuanced discussion of the song, right? And that’s all fine and good, and I agree, nuance in any Beatles discussion is essential if you want to get close to any actual truth. However, they then go on to say, quite adamantly, that if you say the music of the song is good, even if you think the lyrics are awful, then they wouldn’t even bother having a conversation with you. It’s very “We want nuance! NO NOT LIKE THAT! YOU’RE DOING NUANCE WRONG!” Like, I’m sorry, the music is good, in my opinion! John is very good at evoking a mood! The fact that I think George’s solo is incredible, or that the keyboard riff gives me chills, or that I think the bass goes super hard, doesn’t mean I don’t understand how rough the lyrics are or the effect they had on Paul. In fact, imho, I think it’s important that we discuss how quality the music is because it underscores the calculated cruelty John exhibited. He worked hard on this song. He wanted to create a very specific feeling out of it, and he succeeded in spades. I think if it had been crappy musically, people would have been much more contemptuous of it than they already are. As I said earlier, some of the digs don’t even make sense; I think they’re bolstered and propped up specifically because the music underneath them is so good. Also, it’s not fucking wrong to enjoy a groove.

I also take some issue with them saying that HDYS was easily among the worst things John ever did. Like... equivalent or worse than going on anti-Semitic, homophobic rants? Yikes.

There are many instances in this episode where they will go “I often read things like...” or “Jean Jackets will say...” or “I see this a lot...” and then never actually talk about where they see these things or quote directly from them. One instance goes “I often read things like, ‘John Lennon is expressing years of pent-up resentment over creative differences’, as if John is some kind of, like, drunk art teacher doling out free advice to Paul on his music.” I’ve read a lot about HDYS and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that. Just about every discussion of the song I’ve seen says very clearly that it was an unjustified, deeply personal attack. I realize there is an aversion to publicly Naming Names when you’re calling out people who perpetuate a bad narrative. But I want to know where this stuff comes from. I want to actually see what it is they’re upset about.

Lastly, they talk near the end about music innovation and experimentation, and this is where I think things go much too far in overcorrecting a narrative. The well-known narrative for many years post breakup was that Paul was a boring square who wrote granny music. That is true; he was much maligned in the press about that. However, I think post-Hertsgaard, post-Revolution In The Head, post-Complete Recording Sessions, and post-Many Years From Now, that attitude has changed quite a bit. Most serious Beatles fans know now that Paul was the first one to really get into Avant-Garde stuff; most fans know about the fact that he made McCartney 1 basically alone in a homemade studio. Most fans have probably heard or at least heard of Temporary Secretary, lmao.

But it feels like these women are still living in the past where Paul was still being maligned for being a square, so instead they go way far to the other end and say “Paul was the musical innovator, not John.” And that is just flat out NOT true. They were BOTH musical innovators. The fact that Paul was the first to get into avant-garde art does not exclude John from also being incredibly innovative and experimental in his own way. Perhaps he wasn’t doing that on Imagine; they are right that Imagine is a collection of really good but fairly commercial songs. But they utterly discount the fact that he did Strawberry Fields Forever, and I Want You (She’s So Heavy), popularized backmasking, was one of the first if not the first to use amp feedback in a song in I Feel Fine, experimented with recording his voice differently with Tomorrow Never Knows and Revolution, and also the entirety of Plastic Ono Band!!! You don’t have to downplay or erase John’s experimental contributions to music in order to elevate Paul’s. You can elevate both of them. It’s fine.

Also, this is the episode where they say Lewisohn’s book is exactly the same as all the other Jean Jackets books except thicker, and I have a viscerally bad reaction to that for many reasons I have already outlined on this blog. Suffice to say, it is demonstrably untrue (not least because Lewisohn hasn’t published anything in his Tune In series that goes beyond 1962) and unfair to someone who has done an unbelievable amount of legwork to back up his writing. They also compare Lewisohn to Goldman (???????) and call them John and Yoko’s “fuckin bitch boys saying the same shit over and over again.” I have to imagine Goldman was a misspeak and she meant someone else, but still that jarred me lmfao

[kimnjss]

wait pause 😔🤚🏻

jungkook (ignoring the multiple girls) is actually sweet.. obviously bc its arya, but he really do be looking out for his own friends.. him going out his way to do what he feels is best for his friends, even though he knows he shouldnt insert himself into every problem the couple has (i kno he always does it bc he likes to push their buttons sometimes cause hes a lil shit but he knows when to draw the line) he may be a fuckboi but he just really wants his friends to be happy 🥺 when he thinks he doesnt deserve the same for himself 😔

jungkook saying “doesnt want to go thru the shit arya n joon go thru” when arya asked him when he was gonna have a serious relationship kinda felt like a half truth.. idk he might be like kinda hot!hoseok in this case.. living in the moment type of thing and is in no rush to be in a serious relationship and if it happens, it happens. however rn his feelings are directed towards a girl who is his friend and is already taken by his other friend, so he’s creating as much distance as possible. and the it-was-actually-one-drunk-person-and-the-other-sober-drunken kiss didnt help his situation..

idk why but i feel like jk, joon and hoseok are similar when it comes to their feelings/emotions.. dont get me wrong, they are very affectionate, physically and vocally.. but all three live inside their heads for too long..

jungkook isnt being honest with himself, when he does realise something about himself and his feelings, he dismisses it and blocks it off, and distracts himself until he forgets about it and then it comes back, rinse and repeat.. namjoon isnt communicating with arya properly (neither is she but im like comparing the boys rn LOL) and when he does start showing emotion, its really passive-aggressive (??), its almost like he’s saying something but he isnt saying anything at the same time?? did that make any sense 🤡 idk sometimes its like he expects arya to read his mind and vice versa.. (ALSO not them going back to making out as if nothing happened.. they better have talked 😀👊🏻) but they do love each other, its the communication thats 🥴

and hoseok, if that last part was anything to go by 😬, but whatever he is thinking about to create boundaries to address the co-dependency from his side (dialling it down maybe??), he better be careful bc yn isnt stupid and she picked up on mood change quickly, he’s gotta communicate with her or else it aint gonna be easy in the long run.. yn isnt a mind reader and if he wants things to go smoothly like the past few months have been, he has to speak up and make yn understand how he feels from his pov.. he really be thinking about his feelings about yn and pleasuring yn at the same time.. king of multi-tasking??

(have i connected any dots yet 😳 i swear im getting rusty AJDBAJEBSKAJ)

okay also its either i read thru this chapter quickly or my eyes are playing tricks but i swear this is one of the quicker party fucks LMAOO 😳 although it makes sense cause there’s still a party going on downstairs LMAO but not like its stopped others before 💀 but also hoseok was kinda getting overwhelmed with his feelings/thinking there so..

whew its been a while since ive written something this long 🧍🏻‍♀️idek what ive said anymore -🤼‍♀️

PHEW THIS WAS SO LONG I’M JUMPING !!

okay !! first ., jeongguk has a lot going on the inside ., but when it gets down to it - he’s a really great guy . like his bedroom habits aside . he’s always honest nd clear abt what he’s looking for . he plays around ., but not in the ‘ruin my life’ type of way . his friends always come first to him . there aren’t any times where he has left them hanging nd them being happy correlates to him being happy . same when it comes to arya . his feelings for her are strong nd once he noticed that ., he set boundaries for himself bc of joon . he never crosses them . the only thing he wants for her is to be happy . 

it’s a mixture of both really . he’s not miserable . he enjoys having a line of girls nd meeting new people nd doing his thing . he’s young nd thats how he has his fun . buut if the right girl were to come around - he would not be against settling down nd being in a serious relationship with her . buut the right girl for him right now is already the right girl for someone else - who happens to be his best friend ., so there’s really nothing else he can do . so he buckles down into his hoe life . 

yesss! you got it exactlyyy . they are the exact same when it comes to how they handle their emotions nd all the stuff relating . lmao they’re best friends for a reason . 

the main thing that jeongguk keeps to himself is his true feelings . like on the surface he’s this cool guy that doesn’t care nd has girls knocking down his door nd he’s just out there enjoying himself - not getting attached . nd he’s so into that lifestyle nd focused on making sure that’s who he is perceived as that he ignores everything else that doesn’t fit . not to say he’s not himself ,. jeongguk is himself all the time - his feelings just tend to take a backseat (especially the ones he has for arya bc of how much damage it could do) . // joon definitely wants arya to know what bothers him without properly communicating anything . that comes from the fact that they’ve been together for ten months so he expects her to just know what will make him mad . nd when she doesn’t get it he gets pissy . (they both do that btw) but what they don’t realize that they’ll never go anywhere if they don’t just talk things out . (no they did not have a conversation before making up they just missed each other too much)

his biggest issue is that he’s in his head too much . he’s freaking while realizing that he’s falling in love with her nd that he doesn’t really like being away from her (he’s also extremely dramatic ., it’s not as co-dependent as he thinks) but bc in he’s confused himself when it comes to his feelings for her - he’s more inclined to just shut down nd figure things out on his own . buut that’s not going to fly when it comes to yn ., she’s not the type to take the no communication nd wait around for him to get his life together . even if he doesn’t know what he’s trying to figure out - she’d want that to be told to her so she doesn’t overthink . 

- their smut scene was a little quickie upstairs since they were in yoongi’s room nd the party was going on downstairs still . but hoseok was so deep in his thoughts that it made it seem faster ., he was so overwhelmed with his feelings that being wth yn was like at the back of his mind... (he still did a great job tho so props lmao)

[piraticalarchive]

if twistedwit was married when you met, how did your writing partnership evolve into a relationship?

okay a few things here.. 1) I think that’s a really personal question and if that part of our relationship ever wants to be shared then I think that’s amy’s prerogative and not mine. Definitely not my place. But I will wax poetically on a few things that set amy apart from the crowd for me.

I was in a bad place in 2014 when i made my killian blog. My bipolar mania was running rampant, unchecked, and i pretty much lived alone and barely existed. I was halfway through my second semester of grad school and I had a lot of self loathing, etc. I was not happy - I felt like I was doing what was expected of me and trying to fit this mold that I just wasn’t made for. Amy was the first person who saw that. And she went one step further.

I have a tendency to shift myself into what I perceive other people need - I can say what they want to hear, I can help them through rough spots by knowing exactly what to say .. I think its the major empath in me. But by the time I was 23 and on tumblr, I knew exactly how to use this to my advantage. I was fun and I was happy constantly (based on others perceptions) and I turned my drinking problem (I was literally drunk 99.98 percent of my time on tumblr) into a joke and everyone just kind of went with it. I would stay up writing and skyping and just being a general idiot until like 6 am and then I’d be posting again at 7:30am and most people were like woo hoo party lifestyle taylors such a hoot - but after like a week of knowing her and allowing her to be privy to it, Amy called me on my bullshit, and I got mad. I was fucking furious, mate. It was kind of like this whole ‘how dare you see me for what i am and host an intervention. like who are you to even care??’

I would go a week to a week and a half without eating because I spent all of my money on the care of my two horses and the rest i spent on alcohol. Just to put it into perspective, I could not sleep unless I was two to three water bottle sized drinks of mountain dew and jack in. I was on a skype call with amy one time and my stomach growled because I was hungry and she was like ‘ dude go eat something’ and i was like ‘oh i will.’ and like two hours went by and we were still on the call and my stomach growled again and she was like ‘????’. I remember her being like ‘ you DO have food, right?” and i was like “yeah. i bought myself one of those boxes of like 4 pizza bagels and i’m just gonna eat one pizza bagel a day.’...liek this was totally normal for me. I found nothing odd with it. But anyways I ended up drinking myself stupid after I ended our conversation and I woke up like three hours later to this message on my phone and I opened to read it because I couldnt make sense of it and she had sent me like five fucking virtual giftcards for different restaurants in my town. She’d order me pizza and have it sent to my house. And once I got really upset and took about 5 muscle relaxers with a lot of rum and she spent all night on a skype call with me even after I fell asleep making sure I didn’t stop breathing. Like she stayed up all night listening to me sleep because she was afraid something might happen - like .. what?! I had one version of killian that i poured my everything into - his darkness, his desperation, his desire to just die - and we would spend literally 12 and 14 hours on kik where I hid behind my muse to talk about how I wanted to give up, how there was nothing left for me to hang onto.. and god help her she kept it in character so she wouldn’t let me on to the fact she saw through it and make me clam up - but i’ll be damned if she didn’t get me through every day. Because of her i held on, I would tell myself ‘okay. just one more day. I’ll take care of it the day after’. And one more day turned into years and here I am today.

She made me really mad - like really mad. I hated someone caring about me to that extent because I didn’t understand it. I didn’t really delve into this whole ‘unconditional love’ thing until i went to therapy in late 2016 so i honestly believed she was trying to manipulate me and i was very resentful of the fact that i felt like i ‘owed’ her because goddammit i’m an island and i need no one.

She loved me when I was at my worst. Because of her I found the strength to stop drinking and to stop taking random shit. At her urging once we moved in together (this pissed me off too, don’t fucking doubt it.) I dragged myself in to see someone. I say urging but she really gave me no choice lmao. I went to counseling three times a week, I started on medication - things slowly got better. But I would still randomly rage against this ‘new me’ because i thought she was trying to change me to better fit what she wanted me to be, and that she was ignoring what i was.

But, here we are, almost 7 years into being in each other’s lives and 6 years into being a ‘thing’. I still have my moments, we both do - but she is literally my rock, my strength, the fountain from which I get my willpower and determination to make it through every day. If it wasn’t for @twistedwit I can tell you with complete and utter honesty, that probably about a year into making Killian the blog would have gone silent and no one would ever know what had  happened to me - but, now, thanks to her , not only is killian still around .. but i am too.

She has pushed me to be a better writer, she has pushed me to be a better person. I still have moments where I miss drinking, especially (this might sound dumb) when I write about Hook drinking. me: types ‘rum flavored lips’ , me: you goddamn lucky bastard... and there are also moments where i want to say to hell with it and quit taking my meds but .. I found someone way too important to throw to the side. I made a promise and I never want to hurt her like i used to, i never want to hurt myself like i used to. Despite what I’ve thrown her way (sometimes insulting words, sometimes punches), she has never kicked me out, she has never told me I’m not worth loving. She catches whatever clenched fist i’ve thrown her way and hugs me until i’ve stopped yelling. Sometimes she waits for me to destruct whatever it is my brain is telling me to destroy so she can help me pick up the shards after- and sometimes she picks up rocks and throws them with me, both of us yelling until our throats bleed, showing me that I’m not the one fighting the battle alone. She might not understand why its important for me to unleash my fury at whatever it is, to tear at my skin like there’s something holding me fast that i want to break from - but she’ll help, and if she can’t help, she’ll wait. 

I know I say this a lot and I apologize for waxing on but - Amy saved my life. She continues to save my life. Her smile makes me smile. I love the way she can do the eyebrow quirk (a talent that completely eludes me), the way she’ll fight sleep just to let me finish a conversation, the corniest in the entire world jokes she tells, the way she’ll do research into the stuff that means a lot to me so she can talk about it with me. I love the way she will come home from a 12 hour day at work and help me with the dishes because I’m starting at them overwhelmed. I love the way she’s a stickler for routine and I love the way she washes my hair when I’m too dead to the world to do it myself.

In short, hi yes. This blog will forever be a We love Amy and Guy blog and a shrine to their amazingness for the reasons listed above. I love @twistedwit with my entire fucking heart.\

weird side fact if you’ve made it this far: we made our blogs like two or three days apart from each other. I had never seen once upon a time besdies liek 4 youtube clips and  the crocodile and i had watched robin hood bbc maybe like .. once all the way through a year or two before. But for some unearthly reaosn I will never  understand, I started off with Hook in the robin hood fandom rather than ouat or anything else and I was like -I wanna write with a Guy. Which .. I hated the character in the show so ??? why taylor ?? why ?? But from the very first moment that i tackled her in a chatzy thinking she was someone else - that was it. Our fate was sealed lmao. Yo, amy !! I love you so much!!

[thoughtfulnerdcycle]

all the even numbers (for the send in numbers to get an answer thingy) >:D

gonna be a long one :D

2: Age

19, born in 2001 lol

4: 3 things I love

music

my friends

animals

6: 4 turns off

(these are just a preference and only count for people i could be romantically attracted to u can have these things and we can still be friends)

dirty finger nails/uncared nails/hands

dreadlocks

crooked teeth

just personal preference not attacking anyone <3

8: Sexual orientation

lesbian

10: How tall am I

im around 5“3 or 161cm

12: What time were I born

around 8.30pm!

14: Do I have a crush

kinda recovering from a crush rn

16: Favorite place

my house if i’m alone and outside if i’m not alone

18: Do I use sarcasm

i think i try to but probably fail miserably

20: First thing I notice in new person

hands

eyes

lips

22: Eye color

brown :(

24: Favorite style of clothing

(korean) streetwear, or dark academia no in between

26: there’s no 26 lmao :D

🪨

28: Favorite movie

i love shrek lol and basketball diaries, very basic but i also like pulp fiction

30: Favorite band

queen, bon jovi, pink floyd, arctic monkeys, one ok rock, oisicle melonpan

32: Someone I love

my newest friend - she’s a lovely person and i alr feel like i’ve known her for years <3

34: My relationship with my parents

sometimes it’s pretty good but there’s no trust

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

i want tattoos don’t have any yet

i have s helix on my left ear and two ear lobes, two on my right ear and i used to have a nose piercing on the right side

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i was 13 and not like other girls

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not really :( i want one

42: When did I last hold hands?

i don’t remember

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

not my friends bc they’re drunk too

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

my mom and my stepfather, idk where my father is

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my best friend - i love him so much and he always listens

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

unless a quick hug counts idk if it counts then on thursday

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i trusted my ex best friend even tho i knew i shouldn’t

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

this is such a hard question tbh i can’t decide id love to meet all the famous people who died like Freddie Mercury or Kurt Cobain maybe Marilyn Monroe or just my soulmate lol

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can tie a knot with my tongue?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

i wish i was confident enough to be in front of it but i’m good behind lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i usually hate talking loudly at home as i’m scared my parents could hear so neither texting is best

64: Do I believe in magic?

dunno

66: What’s the weather like right now?

warm with a harsh find

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

does my chronic illness count lol

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

no

74: Favorite animal?

cats for pets and ducks for non domestic animals

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

cool people don’t use last names like zendaya

78: How can you win my heart?

give me attention and be as passionate as me (or just try) for my hyperfixations lol

80: What is my favorite word?

i love handlettering the word moist, girls, history and love

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

love is love

black lives matter

stop racism against asian people

stop the hate

but would probably be to nervous to talk ingrown of ppl i almost lost consciousness when i had to present smth in class

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation would’ve neat

86: What is my current desktop picture?

leafs lol

88: Bought condoms?

for a friend that had a hook up later that das but didn’t have enough time to get them lol

90: Failed a class?

yes but on purpose

92: Kissed a girl?

yes

94: Had a job?

kinda?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i don’t remember actively bullying anyone bc i always was against that but you never know if your words were perceived the way u wanted

98: Played on a sports team?

no

100: Did drugs?

only weed

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

104: Been overweight?

yes

106: Been to a wedding?

yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

does netflix count if yes then yes

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yes lol

112: Broken a bone?

no

114: Been to prom?

no

116: Fly by helicopter?

no

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yes

120: Wore make up?

pretty much everyday

122: Had oral sex?

no

124: Voted in a presidential election?

no

126: Had a surgery?

had 1 wisdom tooth removed haha

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

yes

130: Been fishing?

no

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yes :(

134: What do I want for birthday?

i’ve been saving up for an ipad past few months and i got almost half so maybe the other half of the money or smth idk i don’t do birthdays :D

[bisluthq]

That thing she said about the two drinks is like basically impossible lmao like why tf is she always drinking spirits - hard spirits - if her tolerance is that low but like ya./ Dude people exaggerate for effect in stories lol I think she was being hyperbolic, she does that all the time. She seems to drink mainly wine at home, hard stuff out or at parties. I drink gin and whiskey very frequently and I can hold my liquor but it really doesn’t take that many for me to feel drunk. 🤷‍♀️

Well yeah but my point is I think she’s like still a bit weird about being perceived as drinking a lot (which is pretty normal) hence how she talks about it. She’s been very concerned with it since she was a teenager - she was very insistent she wouldn’t drink till 21 and I don’t think that’s true lol like because of 1) pics of her back in HS even 2) the friends she kept 3) her own dramatization of that period of her life in ATW film where her character is repeatedly seen drinking - and like into 1989 era she was like VERY concerned about being seen drinking. She stopped caring as much in Rep era in part imo because she was like “well they’ve cancelled me for much less like who gives a fuck if I, an adult woman, am seen drinking lmao” and she’s like right about it. But I do think she still has some concerns and worries and like doesn’t want to be “bad” and stresses about her impact as a role model. For another example see her editing out her decorative cigar box for a birthday post.

I’m not saying she’s a lying liar who lies lmao I’m just saying she will probably never say like “ya I can finish a bottle of wine by myself lmao when I’m in the mood” because that would be a wild thing to publicly admit.

[han-shinsuke]

h i n a t a s h o y o x ME (lmao 😂)

🌼♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

• i n e b r i a t e

(verb) make someone drunk.

–1–

2:30 pm [ Camp Edinburgh ]

No way. Why would I do that? I'm not that desperate to get noticed by him. No. My answer will always be 'no'. No one can change my mind. I will not risk my reputation for him. Call me coward and stupid but I don't really care at all.

“Why not, Hannah? All you have to do is to confess your feelings and all.” Rei insisted. Wow. Confess my feelings? That would be the end of me!

“You're really a coward, sensei.” Rica added.

“She's just afraid of getting wrecked by Shoyo.” What the actual fxck?! I grab my friend, Lou and gag her with the bread that I'm about to eat. For fxck’ sake! We are surrounded by other people!

“Seriously, guys? Did you bring me here just to gang up against me?” I question their true intentions after inviting me–no! They dragged me here! In this camp that I thought they organized for the four of us! “I shouldn't have trusted you guys, you're all traitors!” I said in my annoyed and on the verge of crying tone.

No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that I should stop, I always find myself looking at his direction.

Up on the hill, I am once again, a few feet away from him. Hinata Shoyo, you are the dream that haunt me during daylight.

–2–

I used to read fairy tales when I was a kid. And up until now, I still read them. In hope of finding the right one. In hope of feeling the same euphoria all over again.

Freak. That's what they called me back in high school. Freak. Because I dressed like a rat during our play. A pest who got lured by the Pied Piper of Hamelin into the Weser River. If someone will ask me which story is my favorite among the hundred of tales I've had read, I'd tell him/her that it's the story of the rat-catcher and his magic pipe.

Why? Why not Cinderella? Why not Snow White? Why not the fairy tales wherein princesses were saved by their princes?

My answers will always remain constant.

Because my heart was taken by an ordinary man.

And I have no plan of taking it back.

For I am no princess and he is no prince.

Shoyo, after all these years, I'm still into you.

–3–

“Where's Lou, Rica?” I asked my other friend. My eyes and fingers are busy doing some assessment tools on my laptop. I know. I know. I should at least let myself enjoy this temporary freedom for as long as I can but my top priority for now are my students. I must work hard.

“Probably inside a tent somewhere, banging Wakatoshi. Come on, sensei! I'd like to dance with them!” Rica pointed the bonfire in the camping site where most of the guests, including all the members of Japan National Team are dancing around it while holding a bottle of ale.

“Then join them! No one's stoping you from doing so!” I lift the disposable coffee cup from the wooden table and finish the remaining liquid mixture in one chug. Damn. I think I already reached the limit of my caffeine consumption for a day. But I want more! I still have work to do!

I signal the barista to serve me another cup and he nodded.

“What’s Rei doing there? Is he, her friend, too?” Rica asks, stopping my fingers from hitting the keys of my laptop. Again, she pointed at a specific spot. This time she's directing my eyes back to the coffee counter.

“Not sure,” I shrug my shoulders. “You know her, she's a guy magnet.” I said, smiling.

“Anyway! I need to go now! You're such a killjoy! Loosen up, Hannah!”

“Yeah, whatever.” I rolled my eyes then ushered her to join the fun in the camping ground.

For the record, I am not risking my reputation for him. I won't confess to Hinata Shoyo.

–4–

What's so funny? I keep asking this question to myself. Rei was laughing for as long as I can remember. And why is she interrogating me while I'm working? For every correct answer, a scoop of affogato will be served. That's our game arrangement. Yes. Interrogating me is just a game for her.

“You are aware you have a gene called PDSS2, right?” Woah. What was that? My vision suddenly became blurry for seconds right after she asked that question.

I press a finger on my temple and regulate my breathing. This symptom!

“I am, Rei. I could get intoxicated by caffeine and behave like a drunkard.” But that doesn't mean I am unaware of my actions.

“Want me to walk you in our tent?” Rei sounds different. Wait! Why is she treating and talking me like a weak kid?! No. No way! I feel like I'm floating! And my heart suddenly change its' rhythm. Another symptoms of caffeine intoxication!

“You tricked me!” I accused her and she just laugh again. “Kill me, Rei or else I will keep talking like an idiot and I won't stop until the caffeine in my system completely metabolized.”

“I did not tricked you, Hannah. You did this to yourself. That's what you get from being a coffee maniac.”

“I hate you, Rei.” I sighed then shutdown the laptop. “But I hate myself, too.”

“Hydrate yourself to reduce the caffeine effect.” Rei hand me a bottle of water and help me drink it, “how high?” she queried.

“So high that I feel like jumping from here and crash myself to the grassy ground.” I replied.

Rei taps the table. She's instructing me to lay my head there. I obeyed her.

“Do you still love him, right?” She asks, mirroring my condition and position. Now, we are both laying our head atop the table as we face each other.

“You know I didn't stop, Rei.”

“Then take a risk. What's stopping you from expressing your love for him?” she asks, putting her phone between our face.

“The reality, Rei! He's out of my league. So please stop forcing me to spill the beans for him.”

“Do you fear the possibilities of him rejecting you?”

“I fear everything about him. Shoyo Hinata is the perfect definition of fear for me. He made me feared love. He made me feared living this lifetime without him. You know what, Rei? Not all untold love stories deserves a chance. Not because they are unworthy of time and space. But because some of them are meant to be hidden. That's where my love for him resides. Inside a chest of secrets.”

–5–

“..... that's where my love for him resides. Inside a chest of secrets.”

This is what I hate the most after consuming high dose of caffeine in a day. I spoke things I shouldn't. And I cried in a place where I mustn't. Instead of drowning myself with unnecessary thoughts, I let my friends drag me inside the circle of people partying around the bonfire. I don't remember starting but I found myself dancing along the waves of people, along the hyper beat of the song playing in the background. I dance until my legs break. Until my throat hurts from laughing and playing along with my friends and former classmates.

Shoyo's there but made no move to approach me. I just caught him looking at me from time to time and every time our eyes met, he would give me a timid smile and a nod. If only you knew, Shoyo, I want more from you.

“Going somewhere?” I was surprised when a former Nekoma alumni went to me and start talking to me.

“Yes. Back in our tent. To sleep.” I believe his name is Kuroo Tetsurou. I stand on my feet and step backwards. I feel so dizzy.

“Mind if I come?” Did I heard him right?

“Uh, why?” I shook my head harshly. The caffeine is kicking me good in the head.

“You’re supposed to say, 'yes' babes. I’m clearly trying to get under your pants.” Woah. He's so straight forward!

“Well, uh... you are targeting a dull one, Mr. Kuroo. I'm afraid I am incapable of satisfying your needs tonight.” I smiled at him then waved goodbye.

Okay. I don't do one night stand.

I was humming my favorite song along the way when a hand grab my arm then I found myself spinning before landing on a broad and hard shoulder of a man with a very familiar hair color.

“Argh. Put me down, please. I feel so dizzy.” I am not a sack of rice so why are you carrying me like this...... Shoyo Hinata.

“I’m glad you declined, Kuroo's offer.” there's a hint of amusement in his tone while he keep moving forward.

“Are you really talking to me now, Shoyo?”

“Yeah...”

“Can you put me down? Everything is spinning. I feel so lightheaded. I might speak nonsensical things.”

He's deaf. It's confirmed. He really didn't bother putting me back on my feet.

“I think I've heard enough from you, Hannah.” Shoyo says, stopping on his tracks. He put me down but hold my forearm tightly as if I have plan of running away from him. I shook my head again. Trying to clear out the dizziness and drowsiness. “Get inside.” He pushed me down on the soft futon inside his tent and hovers above me.

His proximity is causing my heart to flutter.

“What do you mean you have heard enough from me?” I questioned. Slowly closing my eyes.

“I heard your conversations with Rei.”

“How? You weren't there.”

“She put you on the line during your talk. I heard everything.”

“Ah, that's why she put her phone between our face. That witch!”

I heard him giggle after my outburst. Then I felt his hand on my face. His fingers tracing my lips. His warm breath fanning all over my face.

“May I taste your lips?” His question send electricity throughout my body. I didn't respond. How to? In my current state, responding accordingly is not possible.

My eyes are closed and my mind is in haywire!

“My lips tastes like coffee. I had three servings of americano and four scoops of affogato.” Bravo, Hannah. I deserve a reward for my smart answer.

“I would perceive that as ‘yes’ then,” he whispered.

Don't judge me. I'm on my right mind. And I am aware of his actions. I just don't feel like stopping him when he started claiming my lips.

I dreamt of this moment once.

Would it be too much if I let my guard down tonight?

Just this once, I would like to have a taste of heaven.

“Will you go on a date with me tomorrow?” Shoyo asks, his lips trailing soft kisses along my jawline.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Marry me instead.”

“That's what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Then I'll taste your other parts as well.”

“Be gentle.”

“I can't. You know I can't.”

Dear Lord, give me strength to withstand the storm he would bring tonight.

–end–

[dannystattoo]

@90smallaesthetic sent me a bunch of incredibly amusing asks to distract me from the fact today has fucking sucked and I’m going to answer all of them here instead of posting 10 or so separate ask posts lmao

1) Suddenly you can’t live in Florida (it’s underwater or something). Where are you moving?

At this current moment in time, New Zealand or Australia. Like they have their shit together to the point the Guns N’ Roses is touring there in the summer?? And apparently they can go clubbing and don’t need to wear masks?? The biggest flex of 2020 honestly and that’s the life I want to be living. Clearly they have competent leadership.

2) What's your most prized possession and why?

It’s cheesy, but all of my photos. A close runner up is probably my HHN skull from 2017 because obviously HHN27 was very important 

3) What are your favorite memories from 2020? (I know the year has kind of sucked)

Hmmmm...probably my birthday weekend as a whole, particularly the night Ginger flew down and surprised me, Seattle even though the lake refused to let me perceive it, my trip to New York before everything went to shit, all patio drink nights, moving into my house..honestly yeah, this has been a SHIT year, but I have way more good memories than one might expect

4) What’s your favorite thing about your house?

I’m obsessed with the front office. Like all the storage? The hidden table? THE DRUNK MURPHY BED? It’s such a unique room and I love it. 

5) What’s your favorite Greta Van Fleet song and why?

If you asked before their new music came out, I would definitely have said Black Smoke Rising - it was the first song of theirs I heard and that song is like...comforting might be the right word?? 

However, I think My Way Soon might be my new favorite because that song is like a giant serotonin hit 

6) If you could be in any musical, what would it be and what role would you play?

I’ve wanted to play Maureen ever since I saw Rent, so that’s definitely one.  Another one is Anne Boleyn in Six...and probably Lydia from Beetlejuice because I just love that character in every form 

7) folklore or evermore? Why?

OK SO THIS ONE IS HARD - if you asked me last week, I would have said Folklore since it has a few more upbeat songs (I think?). Idk, at first listen, Folklore hooked me a lot quicker than Evermore. However, the more I listen to Evermore, it’s kind of becoming the one I like more. Idk someone made a post about Evermore for the gays to cry about and honestly? They’re right lmao

8) Did you see any good movies this year?

Well I saw Bill & Ted 3, so yes, I did 😂

9) Dani or Jamie?

WOW HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME PICK BETWEEN MY WIVES lmao. If I have to choose, I’ll pick Jamie, but that was a hard decision

10) You can only listen to one album in 2021. Which one is it?

Honestly I’d have to pick The Battle at Garden’s Gate even though I’ll have to wait until April haha. 

Thanks for asking! These were really fun 💖