#anbu makes no sense sorry babes

[a-hidden-weeb-an-open-queer]

Yo whores, bros, and other nonbinary folks, Naruto? Yeah that shit is shit. Sorry >.<

Big shocker when I say this, but the systems in Naruto make little to no sense. From the hospital system to the education system, all of it SUCKS.

And one of the biggest offender is ANBU - yea those bitches.

ANBU are suppose to be the eliet, the best of the best, the type of soldiers that follow all orders and can kill with their pinkies.

Woah. Weird. Because what we get are little pussies.

In order to keep my sanity, I've convinced myself that it's done on purpose - because pointing out bad writing is more boring then desperately trying to excuse bad writing in the form of head canons and theories.

You cannot tell me otherwise that the ANBU was created by a drunk Hashirama and everyone just went, "you got it, boss man."

The system is so deeply flawed that it's getting soldiers killed - good soldiers. And when you run out of quality, you replace it with quantity.

The ANBU is built to accept the highest portion of people who are willing to sell their souls to their government. The way to do this is easy, you make the test easy - that's right, it's all a lie hoes.

Now, how do I know that Hashirama drunkly came up with this system? Well...i dont because SOMEONE doesn't give us good historical backstories - but I theorize this is how it went down.

BECAUSE NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE.

First of all, why the masks?

"B-but Weeb-san, the masks are to identify and give a persona to ANBU soldiers"

Incorrect, ignorant fake person who I made up for this argument.

You see, you don't want your unidentifiable ops to be...identify. We know that ANBU ops keep the same mask all throughout their career, so what's stopping a gossiping citizen from recognizing the same ANBU? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I bet my whole ass that there would be an underground Bingo book about ANBU ops, because oh, look at that: All it takes is a single person to record an ANBU's mask and abilities to completely nullify the whole point of ANBU.

The people who need to be identifying the ANBU are the same people who allowed to know the identities of ANBU - making the whole mask system fucking pointless.

Now, look, I'll admit that the whole 'adopting a persona to make you feel less shitty about murdering an entire family' is a valid argument - IF their personas wasn't so obvious.

So here's what you should do to fix it:

Keep the mask idea, but have them all be the same.

Keep the personable names, but allow them to be assigned by an overseeing captain or be personally choose - it's important to have these names to be personal and not just numbers; an easy way to forget who you are and going insane is by being completely stripped of who you are.

Oh. By the way, it's super easy to identify people outside of ANBU masks.

An example: when Kakashi was in ANBU, his hair and voice was unchanged.

How the fuck did no one go: "huh, it might be easy to identify this literal child genius based off his squeaky voice and weird ass hair. We should probably hide it with THE LITERAL HUNDREDS OF JUTSU THAT WERE CREATED EXACTLY FOR THIS REASON."

Oh, and right, let's not forget the tattoos.

No, you didn't hear me incorrect: the organization that no one is suppose to be aware that you're apart of gives you a tattoo. A tattoo. Right.

Can you guess where they're suppose to go? That's right bitch, on the shoulder. Right. Sure. Okay.

What, are ANBU suppose to fuck with their shirt on for the rest of their life? Oh sorry, I forgot the ANBU actively discourages having a life outside of being mindless shoulder because that's defiantly not a recipe for disaster - my bad.

"Oh but Weeb-san this is so they can assure that no one can copy and pretend to be an ANBU."

Yes, yes, I'm aware that the ANBU typical unform shows the shoulders. That's great. Sadly, there is a magical system in place which literally have zero limitations - looking at you space rabbit. Trust me, a tattoo is not the solution here.

So how do we fix this:

Add seals to the back of the mask to make it A.) Impossible to remove without the correct hand seals (which should change weekly btw) B.) Makes all voices monotone and androgynous.

Use the magic system. Please for fucks sake, use it. Everyone should have the same appearance; looking badass isn't an excuse for being a dumbass.

The tattoo system is in place to avoid the ANBU from being infiltrated. Allow me to quickly say: infiltrating ANBU will have to be done by someone who has inside information - the ANBU literally have their own sign language. Plus, I'm sure the members are close enough to realize when someone isn't suppose to be there. Overall, the tattoo system is fucking pointless. Just get rid of it.

Some headcanons~

Therapy. Seriously. There should be a mandatory check up every three months. You're telling me we have a whole clan who specialize in mental health and we aren't going to use them? Fucking dumbass.

ANBU headquarters should hold everything a person would need: sleeping quarters, cafeteria, medic area, and rec area. For most ANBU this is a life style; it makes no sense to force PTSD riddle, lonely soldiers into normal population unless they actively choose it.

I do believe this is cannon-ish, but teams should created for a single specialization.

There should be captain and co-captain; this is just to assure that a dumbass decision isn't made. Or teams should have a voting system.

Retirement should be encourage. Shocker, but having a useless teammate is very dangerous. If someone is incapable of continuing in ANBU they should be discharged and put into a different branch where they can be even more useful.

ANBU should be a very respectful position and shouldn't be taboo to talk about or anti-famous. This is less about the organization and more about how the public perceives them - I just find it very weird that being ANBU isn't idolized by children or lower ranked shinobi.

I defiantly forgot a few points, but honestly who gives two shits? I'll just edit it later lmao.

See you later, sexy mamas~

Xoxo

[okaywitheverything]

Can I request a Kakashi x reader where Kakashi and the reader have a unspoken thing between them, like they both know how they feel about each other even through when going through different relationships but it’s just not something they’ve acted on because of ✨ninja life✨ and ✨trauma✨then one of the readers relationships starts moving too fast so kakashi finally confesses. I love your writing btw sorry I went off on a ramble it’s like 4am and I’ve had a lot of energy drinks

A/N: Thank you so much honey! I had a kakashi kick so i decided to write this, Hope you enjoy! Please show it love and I’ll be more than willing to write a second part!

 “I had a fun time too.” You lied straight through your teeth, with a smile on your face to make your statement look more convincing.

You had just returned from your sixth date with Genma, and you were the most cruel human possible for leading him on like this. Given, he was a player back in the academy and broke many hearts but he had now redeemed himself and parted with the playboy ways. Your intuition told you he was genuinely falling for you but you couldn’t reciprocate, constantly giving yourself the excuse of just one more date.

But how to give your heart to him when it already belonged to another?

He pecked your lips lightly and gazed into your eyes, then stepped back and continued, “So I was wondering if you would come back to my place for dinner next Friday?

He looked like a golden retriever yearning for its favourite toy, you didn’t know how to say no to him.

Of course, you weren’t dumb. You knew what he was hinting at. The next level of your relationship was physical intimacy. You were sure this was the longest Genma might have dated someone without indulging in uhh, lovemaking.

You knew he was trying to be patient with you, because you had never gone that far with any of

your previous relationships, third base was foreign territory to you. You knew this was a well known fact among your colleagues but you were over the initial embarrassment now.

But the question was,

Were you ready for that?

He was one of the most sought after bachelors in Konoha, alongside Izumo, Kotetsu, Kakashi-

Kakashi of course.

Kakashi was coolness personified and you were not even kidding. Almost every one wanted to either be him or be with him. Both applied to all possible genders. Even as a kid, he was a once in a millennium prodigy, the pride of ANBU during his youth, famous in every Ninja village across the world. He was a celebrity for goodness sake! He had his own horde of fangirls and fanboys alike. Kakashi had single digit failed missions in an entire record of few hundreds at least. It was almost an insult to give that skilled shinobi a mission below A rank. You both started alongside ay the academy and you were nowhere near his match. Both as an opponent and a partner. That too in both senses, as a team as well as a couple.

You were sure you were one of the many girls pining after him. Sometimes, you gave yourself false hope that even though you weren’t in the same circle at academy, he might have noticed you, crushed on you, felt the same adoration for you.

But who were you kidding? With a exquisite range of beauties lining up at his doorstep to create his progeny, where would you even stand?

“(Y/N) babe? You alright?” Genma asked snapping you out of your thoughts and you almost forgot he was standing in front of you, actually paying you some of his wanted attention and your younger self might have almost felt giddy about it, but you felt nothing but horrible. Horrible because you couldn’t return the enthusiasm and love Genma was offering to you with a pure heart. Horrible because you couldn’t find it in yourself to be brave enough and confess to someone you wanted to be with so much. Horrible because you knew, somewhere deep inside, that your favourite fantasies of love would never come true. But Genma didn’t deserve this either, he didn’t deserve to be treated this way, and the sooner you told him that, the more heartbreak you would be saving both of you from.

“Genma I have mission on Thursday, which might extend up to weeks. I’m sorry-” That was the truth. It might buy you some time as well to figure out what to say to him.

“Hey, it’s okay, not your fault doll. We’ll reschedule after maybe? That sound good?” He gave you a cheeky smile that you loved. Before any of this, you had been friends and he was a gem of a friend. Loyal, true and charismatic. You nodded a genuine smile up at him and suddenly hugged him, he was a good friend after all and you knew nothing would come in the way of that ever.

“Thank you.” You murmured in his chest and he kissed your forehead.

“Anytime.” He replied and left with a smile.

He knew you needed a friend at the moment and that was all he was being then, a good friend.

It was two nights before your mission when Genma suddenly asked you to meet him at the bar. ‘A casual hangout’ he said. But you knew that was obviously not the case.

You had dressed in a simple attire, a top and jeans, the basic only. You had thought it over the previous nights and finally reached the conclusion, you were going to tell Genma the truth. The exact conversation hadn’t played out in your head but you knew what lines to go along.

You would even tell everyone he dumped you and it would be okay if he never wanted to speak to you again cause you didn’t deserve even his friendship for being so ruthless and downright nasty.

But how would you survive without one of your true companions?

Well that was certainly your problem now, not his. Genma was immaculately kind and genuine and you were a cold bitch.

“This is clearly not working (Y/N).”

Well that wasn’t what you were expecting. You knew what he was getting at but juts so you were on the same page you dumbly asked, “What?”

He sighed and looked in your eyes, giving you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“It’s getting kinda obvious. You do know I can read you quite well and I see there’s something you’re trying to hide, something that so clearly shows. I could tell you were moving on, well trying to at least. You gave your heart to him when we were just kids, while I gave mine to you. Funny how fate works?”

Neither of you laughed.

“But I guess this is some sort of karma. And it’s going to hurt me for a bit of time. But I’ll be okay. I can’t see you like anymore though. I really hope he appreciates all the love you have for him. And comes around soon. But stay in my life nevertheless.”

You didn’t realise when you started crying, but your face had heated up and you streams of tears tried to cool it down.

With a shaking sob, you replied, “I don’t deserve you Genma. But I Know you’ll find  another and be just fine. For your sake, I really hope you do. And Thank you.” You wrapped your arms around him while tears landed on both your shoulders.

It must have been so incredibly hard for him to do this yet he never failed to amaze you. You were proud to be a part of his life. You tilted back and looked in his glazed eyes, stood on your toes and pressed your lips to his, one last pasting kiss. There was so much emotion in it, from both sides that you knew you’d never forget this moment ever.

Genma really knew like the back of his hand, you never even said his name but both knew who you were talking about.

Kakashi always sat at the back of the bar, where he could drink his beer without the prying eyes of others trying to see his face. He rarely drank, lest he was with his friends but his heart was aching right now. He had messed up his mission yesterday because he couldn’t think straight after he saw (Y/N) looking as gorgeous as ever With her sleek (f/c) dress and cherry red lips. He might have drooled, he did actually, but gained his senses when he saw Genma accompanying her. He quickly hid, masking his chakra and looked at the happy couple. It was his fault, if anything for never acting on his feelings.

What good are your worldwide achievements if you don’t have a family to share them with?

Both his parents were taken away from him at a very young age and he had no relatives. Studying too hard, over exerting himself and being bratty became his coping mechanisms. Since his early childhood, Kakashi was very independent and self-confident, at times even appearing arrogant and condescending. Despite that, Kakashi was very perceptive and intuitive, quickly realising the situation for what it was. After his father's death, Kakashi became more stern, aloof and cold toward others, dating was never something he considered important, it didn’t even cross his mind. The only people he ever let into his life were a handful of classmates like Gai, Asuma, maybe even Kurenai to some extent but romance was out of his story, At least he thought it was.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missing home Only know you love her when you let her go And you let her go

He first realised his love at some festival being celebrated in Konoha, when his bored eyes saw you all dressed up, beside your group of friends. You were laughing so wholeheartedly that even tears pooled there. He was thankful for whatever had you wheezing so hard. Sure, he always thought you were attractive, he knew how to appreciate beauty, but for some reason that laugh created a domestic picture in his head and he knew wouldn’t mind listening to it again.

That night he thought about you, like really thought about you. Reminiscing about every encounter you both had ever had, and he fell harder for you the same night. He remembered how you approached him after his father’s passing, the only person whose eyes held true sadness apart from his real friends’ circle.

He knew a lot of his admirers left him gifts at his house, expensive chocolates, cards, bouquets but he knew their intentions were never genuine. But he also remembered that among the lot, were homemade cookies and chocolates. They never had a name but he connected the dots when he found out your distant aunt had some sort of bakery. It was conformed when he saw you travelling through Konoha with several baskets in your hands, Your teen self trying to figure the addresses. He might or not have followed you. Some were your aunt’s deliveries while you brought some of them to your friends’ house and one last basket which you left at his doorstep.

You never approached him after to take credit, or with some other purpose. You didn’t even contact him in academy the next day.

He found himself wishing way too often that you did.

As much of a genius as Kakashi was, it took him way too much time, more than he’d like to admit, several years exactly, to realise the extent of his feelings. It happened when you started to date someone. It never crossed his mind why you never dated before but he wished it could go back to that. He caught you with your date kissing in a park and he swore he heard his heart break. Like really, really break. Then the intellectual finally figured out his Love.

And he knew he screwed up.

 You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies.

 After that realization, you plagued his thoughts. He thought he would confess if your relationship ended but he was a coward. And he hated himself for it. He knew how shit his reason of losing you if he confessed was, but it was effective. The amount of close people he had lost just amplified his fear. He couldn’t afford to lose you, even if it pained his heart to admire you just from afar.

He was an exceptional ninja and his alert senses identifies your chakra as soon as you entered. Even in casual clothes, you were the prettiest thing he had ever laid eyes on. His gaze followed your short walk to the bar countertop where he found Genma and his mood turned sour. He was once again reminded of all he couldn’t have.

He observed the couple from a few feet behind his crush, and he saw you both hug suddenly. His heart broke all over again when he saw a tear roll down Genma’s cheek and you pulling Genma in a hot, steamy kiss. Though you both weren’t aware, you made quite a scene in the bar and everyone was gazing right at you both. Kakashi quickly paid for his tab and ran out, breathing heavily.

What if Genma proposed? That was a bizarre thought because he knew you’ve been dating for just over a month but Kakashi didn’t know how relationships progressed. That night found him lying awake in his bed and he came to a conclusion.

That he’d be damned if he let you get away without even trying.

A/N: Thanks for making it till the end. I hoped you liked it. Requests are open and if you don’t have any prompt, just comment which character you’d like to see more of and I’ll consider requests of that character. Please reblog and like. I’ll love you if you do.

Until next time.