#i’m back in middle school again
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i read ‘yes’ guys and it was so frikin cute thanks for the fic @aryashi and @lost-kinn
#it’s free real estate#these bugs are eating me alive#i’m back in middle school again#hollow knight#sbabl#lemmquirrel#quirrelmon#rehehehehehehe#raddest laddest art
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archivist be upon ye
#relistening to tma again#i think the last time i’ve drawn anything related to it was like may 2020#god it’s been a while#have been listening to the magnus protocol and my god it’s so good#but heres good old jonathan as a treat#the interest has been in deep slumber for the past 4/5 years only periodically coming back to life#i’m very normal about this podcast actually#on other note i also started a taz balance relisten#what’s up with me and revisiting my middle school fixations lately#anyways#if you’re still reading these tags i’m impressed i could never with my abysmal attention span#tma#the magnus archives#the magnus pod#jonathan sims#the archivist#tma jon#fanart#my art#digital art#illustration#doodle
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growing up is like, every single thing you thought would be so complicated and unmanageable and unthinkably difficult turns out to be, actually, pretty simple. and every single thing you thought was so simple and easy to understand and how come adults don’t get this turns out to be painfully hard to deal with, to actually understand and internalize.
the thing you thought you had all figured out—somehow, you forget the right way to handle it. the thing you thought would dictate the course of your entire life, the thing you thought would ruin you forever—you move on in 2 months. the worst thing to ever happen to you hasn’t caught up yet. maybe it never will. maybe life shouldn’t be based on which worst thing happens when.
a hobby you thought would be a silly one-off becomes an all-time favorite. a genre you could never see yourself getting into can offer you the best story you’ve ever experienced. an inherent belief you thought you’d never budge on starts getting cracks. a person you’ve only ever seen in passing and had short conversations with can become your closest three, five, seven years later.
everything you thought about yourself can turn out to be wrong. you’ll get better in ways you didn’t know you could. you’ll slip and fall just as much, get new scrapes along the way as you survive yet another mess of a job, a situation, a relationship. it might be fear, or it might be happiness when you’ll look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize who it is.
so yeah, i guess, if i had to describe what growing up feels like, i could say i’m closer to figuring my life out, or i’m even more lost than before, or that it’s like a rebirth, i’m becoming a new person, i’m finally getting to know myself, or the many, many other things people say when you ask them.
and they’re all right, of course—the future you dreamed for yourself at age 12 is no longer there to guide you anymore, but sometimes it does feel like you see things clearer, like the pieces occasionally click in your head even if you can never comprehend the puzzle. you’re still who you were at your core, but you’re also starting to peel back the layers, to find such things that you never even imagined could be you.
so yeah, i guess, growing up is all of those things and more. it never stops to wait for you to realize it’s happening. it’s changing, changing in a way you can never anticipate, changing in a way that will simultaneously ache deeply and make you the happiest you’ve ever been. it’s the most complex, most intricate experience a human could have.
but, like most complicated things, it’s also actually pretty simple.
i mean—it’s just plain fun, isn’t it?
#at the risk of sounding trite—i used to think i had relationships and mental health down to a T when i was a kid. i could seeeee it allllll#and i mean i very much might’ve had it all figured out! because middle school relationships are famously not that complex (most of the time)#so i guess back then i really could see it all. i handled all the conflicts and navigated what i could and just went with the flow#then you grow up and people change and *you* change and it’s like ohhhh. My world was so small#my world was so small and now with each day i expand it inch by inch and it’s just *exciting*. it’s just fun.#with each day i feel more and more like a person. like i’m taking up more space in this world and so are the people around me. i love it#crammerposting#so yes here is some random poetic late night writing for u. doing this shit instead of what i should Actually be writing#but i’ve been having these thoughts for a while. growing up is sooo (trails off forever)#looking over this again and it just reads like Such an inkskinned post#can u tell i am a huge fan of their work yet
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15 years since these gay disasters met in person for the first time. Now they’re on their third world tour, living together in a house they designed, and living their best lives being with and doing what they love
#girl help I’m getting emotional about two men I’ve never met before again#like actually though whether they’re a couple or not they are couple goals#and I’ve been watching them for almost 13 years now#wtf#I remember when they had been a duo for 7 years and we were all freakin out cause ‘if you’re friends for 7 years you’ll be friends for life#and I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL#just fuckin put me down at this point#back of the head execution style#dan howell#phandom#dan and phil#phil lester#amazingphil#danisnotonfire#danandphilgames#and now they’ve been back on dapg for a year too and I just#girl I-#no but seriously imagine it
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so I’ve been feeling insane about a WinterHawk Werewolf!AU, cause it’s kinda perfect for them
#winterhawk#bucky barnes#clint barton#the winter soldier#hawkeye#marvel#I feel like I’m back in middle school all over again lmao
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I’d love to see a study done on the rise of demanding and expecting morality in the fiction we consume, to the point where liking, consuming, or creating anything “gross” or “illegal” or “immoral” reveals a desire to want and enjoy it outside of fiction, from kink to dead dove to even just sex outside of a narrative context in some extreme corners of fandom online. where is it coming from? why is fandom today more lenient with physical violence than sexual deviancy? why is fandom becoming more sex negative than ever, and why is fiction being used as a reflection of someone’s wants outside of it?
I don’t have the initiative to do a full fledged research project on this, but someone else should.
#shroom.txt#yes this is partially about pro/anti disc horse but also just some things I’ve noticed over the years as well#the fuckin. yaoi and fujoshi shit is coming back now and I feel like I’m in middle school again#but also I feel like media literacy and critical thinking is getting worse#that and alarmist stuff like ‘(blank) is what’s causing people to do xyz!’#it’s a weird time to be on the internet
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i think one of the reasons i enjoy the percy series so much is because it’s an adaptation of the novels and not word for word the same.
at first i was a little upset by all the changes, but after rereading the books, i actually like the series even more now. as much as we all adore the books, i think we can agree that they’re not perfect. sometimes there’s plot holes, inconsistencies, or just bad writing in general. this gives rick a chance to fix those things, and that’s OKAY.
the series isn’t perfect either, don’t get me wrong, but it is nice to see the characters going on the same adventures even with some variation to the original story. i think this will allow the characters to be fleshed out more.
we have to remember that a tv show and a book is not the same medium, so the way these things are presented cannot be identical. otherwise the characters in the show would probably seem pretty flat since the books are only from percy’s perspective. the series allows us to learn more about the motives and personalities of other characters, be it annabeth, grover, or luke (personally, i’m really excited to see how his character’s story goes).
anyway, all of this is to say that the percy series is great for what it is (an adaptation of a book series). yes it could be better (cough longer and more episodes cough), but i personally really enjoy it so far.
#like let’s be honest there’s definitely some things from the books that need to be fixed#namely the weird family-but-also-love-interest dynamic between luke and annabeth#luke should not like annabeth romantically At All#i’m really hoping rick fixes that in the show#which i think they have so far…#i think they have more of solely the found family dynamic in the show#i’m really excited to see luke’s character arc#i hated him in the books so hopefully this will change my mind#i think charlie is doing a really good job of portraying him#(god this cast is so perfect tho let’s talk about that)#like that’s the other main reason i love this show#the casting was just so perfect and i can’t imagine anyone else playing these characters now#when i reread the books i literally pictured them as walker and leah and aryan like-#anyway sorry for the rambling i just have fallen in love with this universe all over again#i’m 20 but feel like i’m back in middle school 😭#pjo#percy jackson#percy series#percy jackson and the olympians#annabeth chase#grover underwood#luke castellan#rick riordan#walker scobell#leah sava jeffries#aryan simhadri
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guys. i miss volleyball. but idk if i could play again.
#my dad ruined it for me in middle school#and#i just#idk if i could step foot on the court again and know that he’s watching#i’m definitely not crying#but#it brought me something in my life#and i want that back#but idk how i can get it back#if i even can#emi talks <3
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Wohoo animation update I guess wow cool fast paced camera pan stuff wowwww
#man I just wanna#I just#I can’t anymore with#*dies from exhaustion*#okay but funny enough I made RAPID FIRE progress on this sequence particular#because it was just a sketch outline two days ago before I said ‘screw college homework I’m just gonna animate lol’#ahahah I have the final math exam on the 25th#so like uh….also two days from now#ironic how that checks out I sacrifice two days for animating and then I’m going BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN#….that was a meme reference hope someone caught onto that#sorry if I sound disjointed or overly frantic here it’s because I am#usually I spend an hour trying to formulate my words into something insightful but nah not anymore#I can’t be bothered to be put together it’s way too much right now I just need to explode#like the DAMN POTION EXPLOSION EFFECT I HAVE YET TO FINALIZE AAAAAAAA#anyways if I keep pointing a middle finger at college then I’ll get this whole animation done in no time <3#things is I’m hella proficient at getting work done it’s just school always robs me of the time and makes me appear lazy#THIS is what I can accomplish in the span of two days back to back work#and I just wish it could be like that all the time is all#hplonesome art#a hat in time animation#ahit animation#ahit animatic#wip animation#massive project
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i don’t think i know how to be a person
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Save me oliretta and benslie save me
#looking for content for another ship I like could potentially lead to me finding more stuff that causes the#‘making me upset because my brain is used to social ostrichization and treats random shit I don’t care about the same way as social ostrich#so im going to attempt to delay my invisible return to this ship (which has happened multiple times where im like ‘I think I’m not as into#(ship) as I used to be’ and then like a week later get really into it again; rinse and repeat)#(fuck when I said invisible I meant inevitable and it’s not letting me edit)#im going to fixate HARD on these two ships; which im currently near obsessing over#so that hopefully by the time I go back to the ship#it will have been long enough my brain will have calmed the fuck down#and learnt not to give me panic attacks over shit I don’t actually care about#because apparently being bullied when I was nine (a time in my life I barely remeber)#was enough to put it in permanent defensive mode#oh wait I guess also the eighth grade thing#and that sort of covert ‘being fake nice as a joke’ thing that’s been happening to me since middle school#and that I still humor because I’m too socially awkward to stop it#save me#parks and rec#benslie#ben wyatt#leslie knope#only murders hulu#only murders in the building#omitb#omitb season 3#loretta durkin#oliver putnam#vent in tags#wait fuck#oliretta#i forgor
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reading easier level books with the open dyslexic font is actually making reading fun again 2 me
#realizing things abt myself rn#have i always struggled this much to read 🪿#honestly actually yes because i remember struggling in middle school too even if it took me a few days to plow through pjo and hoo books#i’ve been trying to finish the atlas six for two years now but the writing is sooooooo. sometimes too#girl i really do think i’m dyslexic … i’m like 90% sure my mom is in some way too#anyway fourth wing fun :) finally picked it back up again on libby!!! happy i bookmarked it because whew i had to check it out again#for the first time since august#anyway no one make fun of me . i know how weird ppl are about books other people read for some reason#also i have the autistic fear of being perceived#anyway <3
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take me back to 2013 doc I didn’t appreciate 2013 lady gaga enough
#lyla's talking again#I was in my edgy middle school phase please I’m so late 😭#I mean I did like her songs back then but not ENOUGH
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Personal
Hi.
How did you get over your quarter life crisis?
Because I’m trying not to fall into the vast unyielding void. And I’m failing hilariously.
#TAG RANT. CAN IGNORE. YOON JUST NEEDS TO GET HER THOUGHTS OUT.#filler tag to push the rest of the rant down past the cut off point.#i literally don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I can’t decide anything.#do I stay in flowers#do I leave flowers#do I try and get into film again#do I move to Europe#or delay that and go back to school for the one thing that’s always brought me pure happiness#or do I move out of my city#but in all of this I have to consider my partner and what he wants#but I don’t know what to do. i don’t know what the right thing for me is and I can’t afford a therapist so I ramble on the internet in hopes#of a shiny beacon of something rings into my head and figures everyhting out for me#like. I’ll be 25 in April. a ways off. but I’m 25 and I haven’t done anything. i don’t know what I’m supposed to do?? i had a life plan that#was derailed so hilariously hard by COVID that cannot be mended. and this is the first time I haven’t had a plan or a solid goal and so now#I’m floating in the middle of the pacific wondering which direction to turn in hopes of finding land#i have nothing to work towards and I miss who I was. i want to be that again. i wanna be her again. but it’s so difficult to do that.#anyway. rant over. needed to get that out. thanks for reading if you did.#this actually made me feel a lot better hope moly.
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After being out of academia for a month, the urge to read has finally returned, and I’m pleased to announce that I chose to pick up a new book instead of simply rereading the Michael Vey series again
#EVERYBODY CLAP#this is a rare phenomenon and a testimate to my growth#I won’t lie it was really close but I did manage to fight off my demons#reading the iron trial cuz it seems like a stereotypical middle school fantasy#so hopefully it’ll ignite my passion for reading enough to tackle something longer and more complex#I’m trying to get into new adult stuff but my brain reads one chapter and never picks it up again#but that could’ve also been bc I never tried reading adult genres when I wasn’t also burnt out and stressed over school#anyway#book 10 comes out in September brain rot Katie will be back soon enough
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Anyone who’s out of high school or in college, do teenage boys eventually get nicer? They make me not want to go to school.
#sorry to the good teenage boys out there#but I hate these guys so much#why am I being harassed just because they don’t find me attractive#why do they come up to me and say random shit just because I’m quiet#I remember in sixth grade a boy called me a gorilla because of my hairy arms#and it’s been years and I still haven’t recovered I bleach my arm hairs because of that#it got better when I grew into my body a bit more but still#they call girls females and speak lowly of them#this one guy said he would never be afraid of a female even though he’s under 4’9 and everyone is taller than him#ik height is not relevant but why is his ego taller than him#they’ve called me out on my checks flushing (it’s rosacea)#and the amount of times I’ve heard them rate a girls body behind their backs is gross#and now that I’m not ‘ugly’ they respect me which still sucks bc why is that the reason they don’t treat me like shit#and the girls who are like them and condone the behavior are just as bad bc why are you against yourself do we not have enough difficulties#anyways#had to ask this#because the school year is starting and that means I have to see them again#after a nice summer of recovering from then#rant?#idk#when do they outgrow the middle school phase because it doesn’t look like it’s happening anytime soon#teenage boy#girlhood#?#or is that just me#pjo#kotlc#high school#idk what to tag this as#school core
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