#i’m also tired so if this makes no sense…sorry
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𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY SECOND; side a — for you - rita ora (ft. liam payne | s. reid x reader
w; nothing!!! besides it being a tad bit short. an; i had no idea what to write for this </3 i apologize 😔😔😔
mixtape here!
Valentine’s day — an excuse to wear something pretty, or to go out, or to simply just exchange and receive gifts before slipping into come cozy clothes and watching some cheesy comedy while eating pizza and eating yourself into a cookie coma.
Though, yours is looking a bit…lonely. Even if you had dressed up, bought a new outfit and makeup, and did your hair, you’re at home.
Waiting for Spencer. He had yet to call you to let you know if he was going to be late — so, at this moment, it feels as if he’d just dipped altogether.
Although a better part of your mind knows that he would never — could never — forget about your plans, some distant part of your mind sets up that doubt and it starts to slowly bubble until you're in tears.
It was late now — midnight — and you’re just now wiping off the makeup you’d taken your time with, and slip out of the new outfit you’d bought, to only slip into some pajamas and step into your kitchen to pour you a glass of white wine and grab the box of chocolates you’d gotten for both Spencer and yourself to share.
Pressing play for ‘How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days’, you sit back and pull the covers over your legs as you take the first bite of chocolate just as your door quickly swings open.
“I’m sorry,” Spencer startles you, causing you to look over at him. He’s flushed, one of his cheeks is a bit more red than the other, yet still flushed. You look away then, remaining silent. “I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t forget, I just couldn’t make it,”
You think that makes you feel a bit worse than what he intended. You hear the door shut and the locks click before he walks over quickly, kneeling in front of you.
“Try to understand, please. I was…I was dealing with Mom,” This catches your attention, your eyes drifting away from the television and landing on the man in front of you instead with heavy, tired eyes. “I couldn’t leave her in that kind of panicked state and I couldn’t get to my phone right away. I wanted to call you so bad, but—”
Moving the chocolates away from your lap, your hands immediately cup his face. “Hey, it’s okay,” You shake your head. You’d never truly stay mad at Spencer for long, and this time, you knew you really couldn’t blame him. “Breathe. I promise it’s okay.” You feel his head nod a bit in your grasp, his eyes slowly closing as he presses his own hand on top of your left one.
You watch with a bit of worry, feeling your heart skip a beat when his lips press into your palm, lingering there. Your thumb brushes over his cheekbone softly before leaning close and pressing a kiss to his forehead.
He pulls away slowly, yet staying close, allowing his nose to brush against yours as his eyes slowly open and looks into yours. You can see the beginning of when he starts to tear up, your heart clenching.
“I’ll make up for it. I promise.”
“Spence,” You shake your head, a small smile forming on your lips to reassure him. “I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t upset about it—”
“Because I would be able to tell.” He quickly adds.
Your smile grows a bit as you nod. “Because you’d be able to tell,” You add. “But, I knew that there had to be something wrong for you not to call or anything. I also knew that you’d explain everything to me, even though you could just…not explain anything to me.”
“But that’s what I’m supposed to do.”
“Believe it or not, some guys don’t feel the need to explain why they never called or showed up. But you’re not some guy,” You tilt your head slightly. “You’re…you,”
Before, that statement would feel Spencer with a sense of dread. He would never know if someone meant that in a good or bad way. But now, when you say it, he knows it’s something good.
“You’re Spencer Reid. The kindest guy to ever exist,” You lean in close and feel his face heat between your palms, a smile spreading over your lips as they slightly brush his own. “And I’m the luckiest.”
Sealing your lips against his finally, he lets out a small hum of content, eyes closing as his hand slips to your wrist instead. It’s a soft, sweet kiss that as him following after you when you pull away.
“I love you.” You whisper.
His eyes open and he looks at you. “I love you. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” You shake your head.
“Okay. Sor—” Cutting his apology off with another kiss, you feel as his lips grow into a small smile against yours, his hands now moving to cup your face. Pulling away, he stares at you before pushing a strand of hair from your cheek. “Want me to stay?”
“Would you?”
“Of course,” He nods. Instead of squatting in front of you, he places himself next to you. He pulls you close, his fingers wrapped gently around your bicep.
A small sigh leaves your lips when your head lays against his chest. You could hear his heartbeat in his chest and the moment he leaned down to press his lips to your forehead, allowing them to linger there as his fingers drag up and down slowly along the side of your neck.
“Spencer,” You whisper. He lets out a small noise to let you know he’s listening. “I hope you know you never have to explain anything you don’t want to,” His fingers stop their path.
“Not until you’re ready, that is. You help a lot of people in a lot of ways — more than you know,” You nod. “That’s when I knew.”
It remains silent, all besides the television playing slowly in the background.
“Knew what?” Spencer finally whispers.
“That I was in love with you.”
𓍯 ִֶָ tags; @ali-r3n — @marchsfreakshow — @dearestjune — @sstar-ggirl
𓍯 ִֶָ thank you for reading! comments, reblogs, and feedback are welcomed and greatly appreciated!
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You know, when I go on instagram and read comments about Logan (idk why I do that it’s safer on tumblr for the most part), they always say he was a shit driver but it’s like…none of them want to acknowledge the fact that he was driving a SHITTY car made with parts from the previous year, making it heavier AND he didn’t have the same upgrades as Alex. He was making the best of a shitty situation. I don’t think anybody could have done better than him in that car, honestly. But it’s always easier to blame the driver rather than blame the team, right?
#f1#logan sargeant#i need to stop scrolling through instagram comments about logan#cuz after this whole mess it’s like…either people are RIGHTFULLY upset or people treat him like he’s nothing#and it’s just frustrating because it’s not HIM#yes he had some crashes and what not but that does NOT warrant him getting dropped mid season#when everyone damn well knows that he’s probably not coming back the next season#they could have handled this with grace and dignity and let him finish out the season but NO#motherfucker decided to boot him with a shitty two sentence goodbye…fucking DURACELL gave him a better goodbye than his OWN FUCKING TEAM#i’m also tired so if this makes no sense…sorry#long day at work#but anyways#the whole thing is still stupid and i hope everything at williams crashes and burns
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idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.
#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#fantasy high#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#these kids are all so self-sacrificing but i do think riz gorgug are the most clear (& juxtaposed) self-sacrificers#riz will mentally tear himself to pieces and get lost in cases and take on ungodly levels of stress for those he loves#gorgug will use himself as a human shield. he will take hit after hit if it means his friends are okay.#and they’d both do the other thing too. riz would let himself get hit for gorgug. gorgug would pull all nighters & take stress for riz.#even if mechanically they can’t or it wouldn’t make sense. they would if they could.#also#the starstruck barry mechanic of being a guard is so gorgug. it’s soooo gorgug like that’s literally him#anyways love this tall green guy & this short green guy so much#especially because gorgug is tall & considered intimidating but protective in a deeply kind way#while riz is short & underestimated but protective in a deeply vicious way (affectionate)#i hope this makes sense but i think riz is primarily ‘i would kill for you’ & gorgug is primarily ‘i would die for you’ maybe#this does not mean gorgug would not kill for riz or riz would not die for gorgug. they both would.#but those are the primary ways their love manifests due to the nature of their strengths/personalities. To Me#idk this is all just me saying stuff when i should be sleeping 😭#sorry if i missed a riz gorgug moment in the main post btw i’m tired
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PLEASE!!! so curious ,,
i think too many retellings try and avoid portraying her with negative traits to try and combat the way she’s portrayed in the og texts, which i always thought was really strange and almost like it’s just circling back to misogyny again but in a different way? because now she’s not allowed to experience any sort of anger or defiance only ‘good’ positive emotions
#i’m very tired so if this doesn’t make sense sorry shxkwnfhzkwndjak#also. saying this just in case this is not directed to anyone in the fandom#this is more abt newer retellings i’ve seen#thank you for the ask btw!#saintsonnet#asks#beep beep richie#queen guinevere
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literacy, empathy and nuance are dead fucking arts and there really is no coming back from it.
#🪷—faerie whispers#girl I tried to keep my mouth shut#but I’m really having to treat this app like Twitter now#and only come on here when I post and leaving#bc people really are not intelligent enough to have a conversation with less known share my work with#I’m tired of seeing elitist childish ass takes abt this election#watching folks scream abt community but watching these same airheads wishing death on ppl living in red states#abandoning Palestine and Gaza bc they asked you simply to hold ppl accountable#making fun of them#telling legal Latino ppl they’re going to be deported#disgusting behavior#I wanted to go on another long winded tangent but it’d only become misconstrued#and I’m not here for it#the apathy that has come out of this whole situation has made me despise humanity#also considering making my page 23+ bc I have nothing to discuss w literal children#so sorry but I’m realizing that many ppl just lack common sense#prolly deleting this later but I’m just frustrated#to see ppl saying your entire state deserves to be flooded and killed off by hurricanes bc of a vote I didn’t even make is sickening#ppl are stuck in constant survival mode and ur angrier at them for trying to make ends meet and do what they feel as best#than those in power who are public servants
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ty to the people who continuously support me and love me I just. I love yall a lot <3
#camera talks#I’m going to bed right after this#but I really just wanted to say like. the hearts in my ask box really do mean something to me#and saying your giving virtual hugs and blankets etc like. it gets me through sometimes#and moo i know I say this all the time but I love you so much. genuinely my biggest supporter and you make me feel so so cared for#I don’t think there are words to express it#you all make me feel really close and warm when I realize people see me and care about me#also my irls too. he’s not on here lol but shoutout Ben. I really needed that hug#totally unprompted someone I’ve never hugged before and he just hugged me and I think he knew I needed it and yeah I did.#I really appreciated that. I know that’s what all of yall would have done too <3#I’m still not doing 100%. I’m going to bed now hoping I can feel better we will see#but I talked about some important stuff with my mom and it went well I think and I’ve been crying all day but I’m going to make it through#I want to live and I love my life so much. I want to see everything else that’s in store for me because I want to keep living <3#sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m tired#okay. good night yall <33 I love you so much and thank you for everything. I know I can get through this#and I dedicate a lot of that to yall so <33
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youtube
yOu'Re gOiNg fOr a LiTeR? | "Habs react to Quebec Maple facts", 10.22.24
#guys this is not becoming a regular thing this is just the mental illinois breaking through but ALSO I SAW THIS AND SCREAMEDDDDD#they did this For Me. those are all my guys. like yes yes we know about xhekovský but that’s my adopted austrian son david reinbacher!!!#that’s my baby goalie carey price time travel cowboy son cayden primeau!!!! and i just LOVE that they were like#‘yeah so one of them is gonna be a bitch in both pairs. & yeah we’re gonna make them lose.’ & i am HERE for it. you know the media day vid#where they asked all of them who was brat on the team and like 75% said slaf which we all KNEW? yes. correct. even more evidence godddd#also empathize so much with him because i hate feeling stupid & he is notably like. a very smart guy w/good awareness of broader society#and sorry to get like this on a silly little post i’m about to fanfiction-ify before i have xhekovský hours but so much of this goes back#to the xenophobia in the nhl and how we treat players (not only that. people in north am/west tbh) whose first language is not english#and degrade/discredit them and their intelligence by virtue of their multilingualism and how we even think about multilingualism as a whole#e.g. the sense that certain languages are perceived as more ‘valuable’ capital/the support that SHOULD be there for language learning simpl#is not from what i can tell in the nhl so even if you wanted to foster an environment of intercultural competency they’re doing nothing to#support it. the stories!! of so many guys! reliant solely upon their teammates for basic necessities! WHERE is your language acquisition#programming. sorry the linguistics language and culture attempted to jump out there & i am not conveying what i want to say at ALL. anyway#juraj's slow descent into madness as u can SEE him visibly getting more & more over it & done is my roman empire. like he's having fun#at first he's laughing 'what is this whiskey?' & i AM thinking that toothy little grin at arber with the jerkoff hand motion about the mapl#syrup only taking a few minutes to come (out) was a dig. lord knows arber deserved it with his shorts pulled all the way up like GOD the me#you put here to wear slutty little 3" shorts live in cold CANADA and have to cover up their thigh tattoos. what a travesty. and the amount#of THIGH in this video i- biting. arber's hairy legs slaf's manspreading more as he gets frustrated & arber teases him i. and DAVID????#on a completely different note cayden with his face covered is giving me INTENSE brainworms i have the most unhinged storylines for him#AND THE BRYNDZOVE HALUSKYYYY everything past 2:00 is gold. david's tired sighs. slaf hating it here. arber having the time of his life#'taste' 'that's not an advantage' DAVID kill him. 'maple syrup specialist... normal guy 🤷' slaf you are the WORST loser and ily for it#arber defending his wife w/his life... juraj's the smartest guy in the room & arber's on his leash about it. it goes both ways (to be cont)#juraj slafkovský#arber xhekaj#david reinbacher#cayden primeau#montreal canadiens#i'm xhekovský posting leave me alone i'm also *****
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so
#last night was really so so so fun and it was super hard to get myself to go out? like#in the sense of I really wanted to because I knew it would be fun but I also knew my anxiety was eating me alive#and it would be an obstacle getting through that without alcohol and I need to be … careful#but I got fun drunk and didn’t have too bad of a hangover and didn’t feel super anxious once we got out :#and a different friend wants to make plans for tonight but I am really bad at making plans in advance because sometimes I physically can’t#do things after work bc tired bc neuro disorder and it’s frustrating to my friend with severe control issues#bc she needs to make specific plans like a week out and I’m like erm babe I can’t like#do that? and then if I don’t feel well day of and need to be home she gets (rightfully) frustrated because I’m bailing but it’s#challenging. and you don’t understand unless you live with it.#and it’s frustrating for us both. I don’t want her to think I don’t value her because I do and I force myself out often enough bc I#genuinely feel bad. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes . she also lives sort of far so going from work and having#to drive an hour to her place to then go somewhere and be out like#I’m spent before I even get there#friend I saw last night and I don’t talk consistently but when we do it’s always the same vibe and so fun and we just catch up about life#I feel like when I see my other friends they have things to always talk about because they’re in a discord call almost every night#I don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!! like I’m so sorry that’s so much for me#idk she isn’t answering me now but if she wants to do something I need to know in the next hr bc if not I’m literally going to bed#I love her but there’s a disconnect between us rn and I don’t know how to mend that gap#but I do love her friendship so I’m just like. sigh#idk it would be different if she was closer and I know that#I hope getting back on medication helps get me being more social again. I’m just so tired this week that speaking is hard lol
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thinking abt joe/carlos
#ashita no joe#yeah#idk just the way that they loved and understood each other#when that understanding necessarily came from physical violence they must inflict on each other#that post that’s like joe can only understand affection when it’s punching him in the face is true!!#when someone like noriko who he does care for tries to connect with him#the connection can never be complete bc she doesn’t understand what boxing is to joe (and carlos)#which is interesting bc someone like yoko who is one of joes number one enablers pretty much ever tries to have a more personal conversation#with him that’s not about his fights (him getting in the car with her bc he assumes she’s taking him to jose#him avoiding and getting throwing shit at her over the course of the series when she tries to personally help him)#he is hostile to for a lot of the time#idk it’s just like yoko is the closest thing he has to one of his oppenents in terms of understanding what boxing means and he lowkey hates#her maybe bc she is extremely privileged#she’s kind of playing at this boxing is everything when to her it’s really not#her family is incredibly wealthy and she never goes through turmoil herself over the plot (expect for the loss of rikiishi)#while the boxers of the series go through hardship#joe is a homeless orphan#rikiishi is in the juvenile detention center for almost killing someone#carlos also grew up in the slums#pretty much every boxer in the series has a reason why they MUST box#while there is no reason why yoko MUST be a promoter really other than her odd enabling of joe#i got far away from my original point but i just have so many thoughts abt this series😭😭#the anime elitists cooked with this one i fear#anyway it is now 1am and i’m tired👍#have no clue if this makes sense#need someone to yap abt this to😭#sorry for the block of text that probably does not make any sense
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faniil favorite holiday & how they celebrate??
Ahhh!! Thanks so much for the ask!! It’s fairly obvious but I adore rambling about the sillies!! :) :) uhhh brief mention of suicide nothing graphic however to answer this question I’ve gotta mention some Fal backstory stuff which involves the topic.
Well starting off I can confirm they do not celebrate Christmas at all, as previously mentioned Falin has issues related to the holiday due to making an attempt on his life on Christmas Day after a particularly nasty fight with his father. So for the obvious reasoning Falin can’t stomach the holiday and Daniil never cared much for the holiday beyond his family making him celebrate so it works out. Though post canon Falin might do something minor like getting both Clara and willow gifts despite his discomfort surrounding the holiday he’d still want to give both a gift or two, Daniil would probably just buy people gifts and claim it’s from the both of them to save Falin the stress of having to associate with the holiday further.
As for favorite holiday probably pretty obvious but Halloween!! Both of them are rather extravagant individuals so Halloween would be a perfect time to show off their amazing fashion senses with a duo costume. After all they are the capitals best couple so they have to put together the greatest costume!! However I think they’d both have opposing ideas on the prompt, for examples the idea could be demons!! One would show up as a thoughtful rendition of a classic painting on the subject and the other will show up in a rather…. skimpy version of a demon. As for celebrating it truthfully depends on if this is university or if it’s at the age they are in canon, in university they’d definitely go to a party or two a common friend threw however speaking on current age?? They might still do costumes but just as a fun side thing they’re both far too busy for actually festivities though perhaps thanatica had the occasional Halloween party.
Post canon however I think fal would insist that they take Clara out trick or treating since ya know she deserves a proper childhood and to get to do things any kid does, but also there’s so much potential of danill being Clara’s brother in law that I do not tap into and I think Halloween where he’s left in charge of taking her trick or treating while Falin is busy working is a very good opportunity for that. Suppose there’s also Halloween stuff fanill related that could happen in regards to that homunculus daughter but that’s for another time.
However separately Daniil would take Valentine’s Day very seriously the date on the calendar in his study is marked days ahead of time, he picks out a gift for Falin months in advance he clears his schedule for the day months in advance insisting that they have dinner at the same restaurant they had dinner at after getting married cough cough elopingin the middle of the night during exam season He’s very dead set in it going the same way every year!! Without fail that’s how it’s going to be!! Nothing but the best for his mae vita!! (As for the gifts I think they’d get eachother for Valentine’s Day I think he gets Fal something seal related since nobody else recalls how much he truly adores seals that or perhaps he’d get him some jewelry for his navel?? and Falin would get danko a new beetle for his collection!! Since he knows Daniil loves beetles or perhaps a new microscope after his old one finally gave out!!)
As for Falin he’s not big on holidays honestly however he would be big on birthdays, again case of planning far far ahead in advance the day is marked on his calendar, gifts hidden in his office (as his study is a far to obvious place to look.) he’s already got flowers arranged dinner reservations (Daniil only for those obviously lol)!! He is more than prepared!! He’s hand writing fifty different cards on how much the birthday person means to him and others. Depending on the party and what they prefer maybe he plans a party it depends just I’m starting to get tired you get the point I’m sorry I’m getting sleepy lol I hope these don’t suck lol
#asks tag#mutuals tag#fanill tag#this answer probably sucks sorry#also would be funny if one of the Halloween parties they attended in university was held by Andrey#wouldn’t that be ironic….though it’s mentioned Fal doesn’t know him before everything so#perhaps it won’t make sense timeline wise#but whatever who gives a fuck….#not related to this question but now I’m thinking about pre transition fal and his relationship with blok and how interesting that one is#sorry I’m tired my brain is going nuts I can not focus#sorry I can’t focus for the life of me#though almost want to canonize the idea of Andrey knowing exactly who Falin is since that adds an interesting layer to that dynamic#also adds a interesting layer to his dynamic with Daniil as well in that regard but whatever that’s not the point#sorry I’m rambling again feel free to take me out back for my crimes
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It’s summer for me! Last summer I got my friends to listen to a long explanation of EMH (shoutout nightmind for the videos cuz some of the posts aren’t available anymore) so how do I top that this summer? Hmmm…I’m thinking a long explanation of Who’s Lila. Gotta hit them with some more fucked up reality changing/repeating and the folly of humanity when it comes to facing powerful beasts. How we can lose but still win, even if the game we’re trapped in is unfair.
P.S: if you’ve never seen/played these, you totally should! My disco elysium mutuals you guys might like who’s Lila. Who knows (it is kind of a cognitohazard tho so like fair warning if you don’t enjoy knowing about that kind of stuff)
#I like taking hopeful stances on these pieces#like the emh guys get up and try again#they’re friends in every universe#they kill each other in a lot of them#but they always meet up and talk again#like Sisyphus kinda#i believe in them#and with detective yu for who’s Lila#a final devious trick#and yet does that not give the answer?#that might not make sense#but like#these stories take very human desires and play with them#and I enjoy that a lot#who’s lila?#everymanhybrid#my beloveds#I can elaborate if this makes no sense but also I’m tired so like#sorry lmao
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You know when a family member keeps reaching out to you but you know it’s only because they’ve asked you for smth and you haven’t done it yet and so they keep reaching out in different ways under the pretense that they care about you and want to see how you’re doing but you know you just know they don’t mean it and as soon as you reply they’re gonna be like ‘yay cool have you done the thing yet’ and you just wanna tear your eyeballs out cuz you don’t wanna waste tears over this??
#it would be nice to be unconditionally cared about by my dad#god he just feels so suffocating#I don’t even know if I’m in the wrong here cuz it makes sense for someone to reach out if they haven’t heard from you in a few days#but also I’m like 95% it’s ONLY because he wants me to do this thing that I haven’t done#I hadn’t heard from him for like two weeks before his request#so idk#if nothing else I just hate feeling like my own father will only reach out if it benefits him#sorry for the tmi I’m just tired
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khdkgdkgdjgdkgdkys so funny when ppl say greg is pointless or doesn’t drive the plot in any way. you can hate him all you like but to basically say he could be removed and the show would be the same is just literally Not True. gimme what y’all smoking bc it must be some strong shit
#txt#like i’m sorry the chara u hate is one of the mains and affects the storyline but like. deal with it? lmfao#he’s literally jesse’s bias/insert also how you gonna say he ain’t shit be for fucking reaaaaal#also don’t even get me started on the tg is just a bad ship it isn’t homophobia!!!! bc uh. yeah it is lol#like. what else would you call it when you rally hard against a mlm ship the moment it could become a serious relationship#like it only makes sense if it’s a joke if it’s taken seriously as a relationship it’s suddenly stupid and wrong#how tf is that Not homophobic lmfao#disk horse sorry im just so Tired
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*Looks at all of my mutuals*
How? How am I your mutual? You are literally such a cool person and are so talented how am I your mutual?
Anyway Ty everyone who follows me I’m shocked there’s as many of you that there are
#my brain is so tired rn#y’all are all amzing#(also plz don’t take this as me talking down to myself bc I’m not)#(y’all are just epic people)#sorry I’m tired I feel like none of this makes sense#rando ramblings#moo’s moots
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i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now
#meaning i’m having the worst start of the year ever#i’m EXHAUSTED fucking exhausted from my living situation and it doesn’t seem to get better any time soon#naturally i don’t have it in me to write because i don’t have enough time to relax. it’s been three fucking weeks.#i just don’t know even my body gives up from this stress and not like something terrible is happening#it’s extremely upsetting also considering that i love writing and it’s the only activity that makes sense to me#and always has been like that it’s in my core#and i. can’t do it. i can’t. i have no willpower or strength and it’s not writer’s block i’m just SO TIRED ALL THE TIME#therapy and years of medication mean nothing at this fucking point. props to me for not killing myself tho. well done 👍#sorry for ranting i am so frustrated that i can scream. i have actually. didn’t help.#well ahem i hope you understand 🙏 i feel bad that i’ve promised the chapter a long time ago and NOT TO BE THAT AO3 AUTHOR but#i really wanted to keep my promise. fuck me i guess#putting letters together one word at a time
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Hey! On your poll I was going back and forth between yes and secret third thing BECAUSE I do think Izzy displays homophobia in the show. However, I interpret the incident you referred to as mostly misogyny i.e. that "real men don't show feelings." I think the derogatory words and actions towards Lucius and Stede are way more homophobic, but they're connected for sure.
I think the emphasis on boyfriend is making fun of him for being emotional that a man he loves isn't there and he wanted to remind him that (to Ed's understanding) Stede didn't care enough.
Tldr - izzy is homophobic for reasons outside of this scene, but his gorilla grip on societal standards of men bleed into his view of queer men, especially those who aren't "masc" enough for him
anon my beloved i must apologize in advance bc i had a very weird and emotionally draining day today and i am very tired right now. so i don’t know that this is going to be coherent. but also i like this ask and i want to say words about it before that poll expires tomorrow so i’m just gonna slap some shit together here and hope it makes sense
so first thing’s first, i definitely agree that izzy does homophobia all over the show. the reason i picked out this scene and that line specifically is because imo “pining for his boyfriend” literally sounds like a dumb middle school boy bullying his classmates on the playground. which is to say that it sounds like the most simple-minded homophobic taunt in the world. like i always think abt this scene in the last season of the magnus archives when the main character and his boyfriend roll up to some dumb meathead bully type who goes “who’s this, your boyfriend?” and the whole fandom was like “wow i can’t believe this guy is homophobic.” bc even if the bully is literally correct and the guy is actually his boyfriend, saying “boyfriend” in that tone is saying “boyfriend” like it’s an insult. which, clearly, is homophobic.
so yeah mocking ed for the pining bit is kinda more on the “boys don’t cry” misogyny side of things like you said, but the way izzy tilts his head and draws out the first vowel in “booooyfriend” to me reads like the single most straightforward and undeniable instance of izzy being homophobic in the entire show. bc even if (and this is a big if) izzy doesn’t actually care abt ed having a boyfriend and is just trying to goad ed into being blackbeard again bc izzy needs blackbeard to feel safe, the way izzy is choosing to go about bullying ed into being blackbeard again is through grade school level homophobic taunting.
however you are not wrong that there is also misogyny going on in that scene. and that is because these things are all so deeply intertwined it’s impossible to say where one ends and where the other begins. and this is where i don’t think i’m going to be able to maintain coherency lol but i’m gonna do my best!!!
like the thing with homophobia is that at it’s core, it’s about men not doing gender right. bc gender roles in western society are a fucking shitshow and the expectations for how men and women are supposed to behave extend into every facet of people’s lives. like we all know the basic “boys don’t cry, women are caretakers, men are tough and macho, women are soft, men are hard, etc etc” stuff. but one of the biggest areas where society has strict expectations of how men and women should behave is about sexuality.
men are expected to be attracted to women, obviously. but also men are often expected to be overtly sexual. having a high sex drive is tied to many guys’s concept of their own masculinity and their sense of personal identity. like this should feel like common knowledge right, the idea that some guys build their identity around “getting bitches” or whatever?
(the societal expectations for women and sexuality are a whole other shitshow that people have written entire essays and articles and books on, but im not gonna get into that here bc we’re talking abt ofmd, and this show is focusing on challenging society’s ideas about what it means to be a man)
the other thing with gender roles, and with male gender roles specifically. is that of the two genders that western society has expectations for, manhood is seen as superior. so when a guy is unable to perform masculinity to society’s standards, he is seen as less than a man. and what’s less than a man?
a woman.
men who fail to adhere to a certain expectation of masculinity are insulted by being likened to women. it’s why guys will literally say “don’t be such a girl about it” when another guy gets emotional about something. hell, it happens to stede in the show!! calico jack calls him “the big gal,” the british describe him as “a heavyset woman in a silk dressing gown.” stede is someone whose gender presentation does not match what is expected of him At All, from his clothes to his crying to his picking flowers to just his mannerisms and how he is. and stede has faced constant ridicule because of this.
so like. it all gets real tangled together. and a lot of the time it’s hard to say which is “more” present, homophobia or misogyny. insulting a man by calling him gay, insulting a man by comparing him to a woman, those things go hand in hand. having a gorilla grip worldview on how men “should” behave leads people to policing how men, both cishet and queer, perform gender and experience attraction.
so like, izzy’s general vibe of not caring if ed has gay sex, but absolutely caring if ed bottoms during that sex and caring if ed actually falls in love and cares about a man? that concept of masculinity, which calico jack is also shown to adhere to? homophobic. just like how his treatment of stede and lucius for being “less masculine” is homophobic.
#ask#anon#mine#txt#og#ofmd#ofmd meta#our flag means death#izzy hands#izzy critical#s1e10#this post is barely even about ofmd anymore lol#i’m sorry i have no idea if any of this makes any sense at all i am so fucking tired rn#also my throat hurts from yelling ahahahaaa
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