#i’m already struggling with stuff and now this at a place i didn’t expect it and so sudden

[spoonfulofmilo]

Mick x driver!male!reader but childhood friends to rivals to lovers trope pls?

been writing this for so long, but I love it so much, and I'm finally happy with it :)

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mick schumacher x male!driver!reader - childhood friends to rivals to lovers

2004

---

“Micky, Micky!”

Michael watched as the 2 kids smiled at the camera, both struggling to hoist their trophies up for the trophy. He saw the trophy tilt and tried to cry out, however it was too late.

Y/N could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as his head hurt. He’d heard his friend Max’s dad say that men don’t cry, and unless he was dying, there was no reason to cry. But he was 5 and the impact that the metal trophy had made with his head had really hurt.

But before the tears could fall out, Mick had already placed both his and Y/N’s trophies on the ground and was giving his best friend the biggest hug, and trying to stop him crying.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay You’re okay. This only hurt because it scared you. It doesn’t hurt as badly as the karting crash from last month, you’re okay, aren’t you.”

Y/N wiped his tears and nodded, trying to smile as he gasped to get his tears under control. Mick gave him the biggest hug ever as he stopped crying and picked up his trophy again.

Michael watched as the photos began again and the 2 kids smiled. Those 2 were going to do great things some day, he knew it.

---

2009

---

Michael didn’t think that Y/N would be happy when he got out of the kart. Mick and him had been fighting the entire race, miles ahead of anyone else and it had looked like Y/N would win it.

Until Mick went for a daring dive down the inside of Y/N’s kart, resulting in a spin for Y/N. He’d gotten back, gotten up to close to Mick again, but that spin had been costly, as Mick crossed the line and Y/N crossed it in second.

Michael didn’t even try to look for Y/N’s parents. They either would’ve gone home, expecting Michael to bring him home, or they’d be waiting in the pits for an opportunity to berate their son.

If they had done the former, Michael reckoned he would simply decide to let Y/N stay over for a sleepover tonight. He needed it.

As Michael wandered down to the pits where the drivers were finishing and parking up, he tried to blend in. It was easier than it used to be, back when he was racing he’d spend a while after every race taking photos with a couple of kids, talking to them, trying to convince them not to give up on their dreams even when it’s impossible. But now, ducking through, he was almost invisible.

And as he approached the two 10 year old boys, all he saw was jubilation. The 2 kids were happy, celebrating each other.

‘Papa! Papa! Did you see that, I won!’

“He did very well, even though I’m not exactly happy about that dive down the inside.”

Nothing about Y/N’s face indicated that he was unhappy, except for the darted around eyes that signalled he was looking for his parents.

They weren’t here. Clearly. Michael pulled Y/N into a hug. “C’mon, let’s get you 2 on the podium, and then we can head home. You wanna stay at home tonight?”

Michael didn’t even realise he had referred to his own home as Y/N’s home, as he saw his face light up.

“Home sounds good,” smiled Y/N, as he darted off to follow Mick to the podium.

---

2019

---

“Mick. I get that we were friends, back in karting, but life happens. Stuff happens. We’re both gunning for the championship and the f1 seat.”

“That doesn’t mean that anything has to change between the 2 of us, Y/N. We never let that stuff get between us usually. We were fighting for seats our entire childhood, and it never got between us then.”

“Yeah, well, this is the big leagues, Schumacher, sink or swim. I would wish you good luck out there, but I think I need it more.”

Y/N smiled at Mick, but it wasn’t a nice smile. It was a planned smile, like he knew what he was doing the whole time. Then he turned and left the driver room, heading towards the garage.

Mick tried to stop his eyes welling up with tears. First of all, Y/N was his friend. He didn’t know where this competitive spirit had come from. Well, Y/N had always been competitive, but not an asshole. And right now, he was being an asshole.

And Y/N knew of all people how much he hated his last name. How he hated when people referred to him as Schumacher, how he wanted to be seen as his own person, not his father’s son. And yet Y/N had called him Schumacher.

“Fucking asshole” was all Mick thought to himself as he prepared for the race.

---

2020

---

Y/N looked like he was going to throw something. Or murder someone. Or crash his car into a barrier. He looked positively fuming as Prema surrounded Mick, congratulating him on his driver championship and celebrating the team’s championship.

But Y/N, the person who’d been with him since karting, since they’d both been born. That was who he wanted to see and talk to. He bounded towards where the other prema driver was getting weighed.

“Y/N! Y/N, we got the championship!”

Y/N didn’t respond, just simply nodded, before listening to whatever the official was saying and wandering away from Mick.

As if he didn’t exist.

“Y/N” he called again, seeing him take out his headphones, maybe he hadn’t heard Mick’s calls. He could hear his family and team calling out, ready to celebrate. But he wanted to celebrate with Y/N.

Mick called out again “Y/N.”

“The fuck you want Schumacher?”

“I… wanted to celebrate the win with you. We won the teams championships. We should be celebrate.”

“Yeah, congrats. Congrats on your seat for next year as well.”

“I- oh, c’mon Y/N, you’ll get a seat. I bet Christian Horner’s just seeing how long you can hold out before he gives you the Alpha Tauri seat.”

“Yeah, well. Currently you have a contract and I don’t, so excuse me if I’m a little salty.”

“Y/L/N.”

Mick saw the way his jaw tightened, as he heard his father’s voice.

“I have to go, now Mick. Enjoy your win, and congratulations.”

Mick watched him walk off, towards his father. He saw the way he curled in on himself, as his father slung his arm around his shoulders.

Days later, when Y/N’s seat at Alpha Tauri was confirmed, Mick messaged him congratulations.

Y/N didn’t message back.

---

2022

---

“When did you start hating me Y/N?”

Mick was pissed. Y/N had nearly taken him out early in the race. He hadn’t spoken to him in years, since the end of 2020, over a year ago. He missed his childhood friend, and the fans had too.

Finding childhood photos of the 2 of them, often with Michael, had brought up more painful memories than he would like to admit.

Y/N was hyper aware of the cameras following them through the paddock, and so continued walking until he could pull Mick into a quiet corner where the cameras couldn’t reach them.

Inevitably, Y/N thought as he pulled Mick into the side of a motorhome, this will end up on the next season of drive to survive, but god do I care, no.

“I never hated you Mick. I tried to make myself hate you, but I couldn’t. You could hate me, and I would still love you.” 

Y/N tried to retract the ‘l’ word as soon as it came out of his mouth, covering his mouth and praying that Mick didn’t hear him correctly. Yeah they’d said ‘i love you’ to each other as kids, but that was when they were young, and kids and they didn’t understand the word, or the world that they lived in, or themselves fully. It was just another silly childhood promise.

Besides, while Y/N understood himself as queer, there were never any queer drivers, and he was probably about 95% sure that Mick was straight. He’d been spotted with girls through the junior formulas and he’d even been introduced to a couple of the girls. They were all lovely, but they never seemed to last a long time.

Mick's eyes widened as he heard the love word come out of Y/N’s mouth. Honestly, he was confused as to how he never saw the signs of Y/N’s queerness. The fact that there was 1 girl in karting, when he was 14, and then she never showed up again. The way his eyes had always lingered just long enough that it was unusual, but not long enough to cause any real suspicion. The way he’d gone on a few dates here and there, but always been super hush hush about the whole thing, not mentioning it until after it had happened. The way those dates had always had they/them pronouns, or they hadn’t been named.

“Y/N…you love me?” Fuck, Y/N had really fucked this up.

“No,” Mick’s heart dropped “No, I, fuck fine. It’s not like I’m ruining any friendship. Yes. Yes. I love you. And I have since, well not the day I met you. Maybe when we first got into single seaters… fuck i don’t know, but yeah i love you.” Y/N took Mick’s silence badly and just decided to walk out towards his driver’s room.

Mick didn’t follow him.

---

2025

---

Y/N couldn’t even be pissed as he crossed the line second behind Mick. The Ferrari just seemed happy, even from 5 seconds behind.

“AND MICK SCHUMACHER CROSSES THE LINE FIRST TO WIN THE GERMAN GRAND PRIX AND CLAIM HIS FIRST EVER WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, and there’s his father on the screen looking every part like the proud dad that I’d imagine he is right now.”

“That’s right Crofty, it may not be the 7 world championships that Schumacher Sr achieved, but still this championship must mean so much to him.”

Mick pulled in to the pitlane, behind the number 1 stand, and he just sat in the scarlet Ferrari crying.

He had done it.

He had won a world championship.

Y/N pulled up beside him in the dark blue red bull, smile evident even after losing the championship.

He watched as he pulled off his helmet, watching as Mick embraced his family, his mum, his dad, his sister, his niece. He stood to the side high fiving his team, and thanking them for a great year. Next year would be their year.

And he didn’t exactly try and stop Mick as the German ran towards him, helmet off, and pulled him into a kiss.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @anicega, @badblondebisexualboy, @ghostking4m, @koalapastries, @camelliaflow3r

[chelseasdagger]

i’m at work and a guy just body shamed me and sexualized me in the same sentence. i wanna go home

[solxamber]

Prologue: A Day Like No Other

This is the prologue for the 1k Event! It'll split into routes from here!

1k Masterlist

When you woke up that morning, you expected an ordinary day—classes, Grim stealing food from your tray, and maybe an explosion or two courtesy of Ace and Deuce. What you didn’t expect was for nearly every boy in the entire school to suddenly decide, out of nowhere, that they wanted to ask you out.

Riddle Rosehearts

He corners you right after class, red as a lobster, clutching a rulebook in one hand like it’s his lifeline. "I… I thought you might like to attend a formal tea ceremony with me this weekend. You have excellent posture, and I believe we would engage in delightful conversation."

He clears his throat and adjusts his collar. "Of course, I’ll have a list of acceptable topics for us to discuss."

You stare at him. He's shaking slightly.

"...Is this a date?"

His ears turn crimson. "It is not—" He exhales deeply. "Yes, it is. Please say yes."

Trey Clover

Trey smiles warmly as he approaches you after club activities. "Hey, I made a batch of tarts, and I thought we could eat them together. Just us. I mean... It’d be nice to spend time with you. Alone."

He rubs the back of his neck, trying not to look embarrassed. "And if you’d like, I could teach you how to bake something... Maybe, uh, something sweet?"

Cater Diamond

Cater pops out of nowhere, phone already in hand and pointed at you. "Yooo! Wanna go on a date with me? We could take tons of selfies, make Vil jealous, and trend under #CoupleGoals."

You blink at him.

"And hey," he adds with a wink, "if we get along, maybe I’ll tag you in my socials. Exclusive content, you know?"

Ace Trappola

"Okay, look," Ace says, leaning casually against the wall. "I’m not saying you should pick me over, like, Leona or Malleus or whoever—but I’m way more fun than those guys. C’mon, let’s go out. I’ll buy you ice cream. Two scoops."

He wiggles his eyebrows. "You know you want to."

Deuce Spade

Deuce looks nervous but determined, like he’s psyching himself up for a boxing match. "I—I know I’m not the smoothest guy around, but I really like spending time with you! And if you’ll go out with me, I promise I’ll… I’ll be a perfect gentleman. Or at least, uh, I’ll try to be."

Leona Kingscholar

Leona, as usual, doesn’t even try to sugarcoat it. "Come nap with me."

"Is that your idea of a date?"

He shrugs. "You don’t seem like the type to want fancy dinners. This is less effort. Plus, I sleep better when you’re there."

Ruggie Bucchi

"Heyyyy," Ruggie grins, tugging on your sleeve. "How ‘bout you and me hit the town? I know a place that gives out free meals if you pretend to be engaged. C’mon, it’ll be fun!"

Jack Howl

Jack frowns, clearly struggling with the words. "I’m not great at this stuff, but... If you want, we could run together sometime? Or, uh, go on a walk?"

He glances away, ears twitching. "It’d be nice. With you."

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul adjusts his glasses, smiling like he’s just sealed the most important business deal of his life. "It would be an honor to escort you to a dinner at Mostro Lounge. Of course, all expenses will be covered. Consider it... an exclusive arrangement."

Jade Leech

Jade leans in just a little too close, that unsettling smile plastered on his face. "I believe we would have an interesting time exploring the woods together. Perhaps we’ll discover some mushrooms... or each other’s secrets?"

Floyd Leech

Floyd swings an arm over your shoulder, grinning ear to ear. "Oi, let’s go somewhere fun! If anyone bothers us, I’ll squish ‘em."

"Floyd, is this a date?"

"Obviously! Hehe, you're stuck with me now, Shrimpy."

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim’s eyes sparkle with excitement. "Wanna come to a party? It’ll be huge! And afterward, we can ride my magic carpet under the stars!"

You barely have time to respond before he’s already planning an itinerary.

Jamil Viper

Jamil sighs, looking like he’s regretting this already. "If Kalim hasn’t dragged you off yet… would you like to grab lunch? Somewhere quiet, where I won’t have to babysit anyone."

Vil Schoenheit

Vil regards you with a calculating smile. "We could attend an opera together. Or a fashion show, if you prefer. You have potential, you know. I wouldn’t mind refining it."

Rook Hunt

"Ah, mon trésor!" Rook exclaims, dramatic as ever. "It would be a delight to hunt for beauty with you! A picnic in the forest, perhaps? Under the moonlight, where all things enchanting dwell."

Epel Felmier

Epel grins mischievously. "Wanna go smash stuff?"

"...That’s your idea of a date?"

"Yup." He winks. "You in or what?"

Idia Shroud

Idia looks like he’s on the verge of fainting. "So, uh... I-I heard there’s this new game releasing. M-maybe we could play it together? Or not. Forget I asked."

Before you can respond, Ortho pops up cheerfully. "Say yes! My brother’s been practicing this for weeks!"

Malleus Draconia

Malleus looms over you, an almost shy smile on his face. "I would be honored if you would accompany me on a stroll through the gardens. There are many things I wish to show you... and, perhaps, learn from you as well."

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia grins, his fangs glinting in the light. "How about a little mischief together? We could visit an amusement park or play pranks on the first years. Either way, I guarantee it’ll be memorable!"

Silver

Silver, looking half-asleep, gives you a soft smile. "If you’d like, we could... I don’t know. Sit under a tree and talk. Or just... exist, I guess. As long as it’s with you."

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek stands stiffly, as if on the verge of saluting. "I would like to take you to dinner! Not that it matters to me, of course! But it would be... logical for us to spend time together. As comrades!"

Rollo Flamme

Rollo catches you alone, adjusting his pristine cuffs with his usual air of seriousness. “I dislike crowds, so I will be brief,” he says, voice as even as his posture. “Would you like to accompany me to a quiet tea house? I find your company... less intolerable than most.”

You blink at him.

He clears his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “Consider it a date.” Then, after a pause, he quickly adds, “If you wish, of course.”

His ears are red, but he refuses to meet your gaze, determined to keep his dignity intact.

And just like that, you find yourself drowning in invitations. Your phone buzzes with reminders from Ortho ("Don't forget to reply to my brother!") and Epel’s laughter rings in your ears. Ace and Deuce whisper ominously about Riddle’s wrath.

Leona, meanwhile, lazily waves from the other end of the hall. "Pick whoever you want. If it's not me, just don’t wake me up."

So...

Who will it be?

1k Event Masterlist (Go here for routes)

Main Masterlist

[kiwicopia]

🔞 MDNI | Kinktober: Gloryhole/Stuck 🔞

🎃 Dilf!Gojo x Babysitter!Fem!Reader 🎃

TW: Mentions of cheating (not reader), creampie, squirting, orgasm denial, cunnilingus, Gojo eating out from the back, a bit of roughness, Gojo taking advantage of reader, age difference (early-thirties Gojo, mid-twenties reader), mentions of breeding, Megumi is adopted.

tags: @shes-so-insane @stygianoir @uzxotic

For as long as you could remember, Gojo was always a respectable man and employer. He paid you more than what you thought was the regular amount for babysitting little Megumi, yet he always dismissed your words whenever you told him how you thought it was too much. The man was well off—very well off—and he didn’t mind being more than a little generous to the woman that took care of his child while he was at work. Honestly, if his wife hadn’t been caught sleeping with another man, you wouldn’t have this job in the first place. You felt bad about what happened, even if it was two months ago, yet you were grateful for the job opportunity that came out of it—but then came changes.

Longing glances turned into small, fleeting touches when being handed things or giving him stuff. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but it didn’t take long for you to eventually piece things together. Honestly, it felt like something to be expected after having divorced his wife, but you couldn’t do that to your employer. Could you? No, it felt wrong, especially since he was already more than generous with your pay. Still, you could never forget the looks or gentle touches he gave you. 

A small huff fell from your lips as you cleaned up the playroom. Megumi had already been put to bed after feeding and bathing him, so now all that was left to do was to tidy up the house before his father came home. Most of the toys had been picked up off the floor and put away, yet there were still a few that remained inside the little cubbyhole the child liked to hide in. You huffed again, lowering yourself to your knees before crawling inside to retrieve the last of the toys. It was a tight fit, considering it was meant for a toddler, so you panicked when trying to crawl back out, only to realize that you were stuck. 

No matter how much you pushed your body backwards, your position in the cubbyhole didn’t change, and you frowned. For what seemed like hours, yet was just mere moments, you struggled to get out of your little predicament. It was embarrassing, and that feeling intensified when the lock on the front door jingled before the door opened. Gojo’s footsteps were faint as he traipsed through the kitchen, and your heart pounded in your chest when his footfalls came closer and closer to the playroom. The door slid open, and your body froze as he spoke. “What are you doing?” He asked. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, almost reluctant to answer, considering how embarrassed you were. “I’m stuck,” you answered. He chuckled and you felt your face heat up. “I was cleaning up the playroom, and Megumi left some toys in his cubbyhole.” The explanation of your predicament only made him chuckle even more, and you felt a shiver run up your spine after he approached and trailed a finger down the middle of your back. 

“Mm,” he hummed. You couldn’t see the way he stared down at you with tired, yet hungry, azure eyes. His poor, little babysitter got herself stuck. The man felt like it was his lucky night. His hands then placed themselves against the curve of your ass before he gently squeezed, pulling out a small yelp from your lips. “I bet you want me to help you.” His hands squeezed again, his fingers digging lightly into you. “Do you want some help?” He asked. 

“Yes,” you answered softly. Honestly, you shouldn’t have expected him to outright pull you out of the cubbyhole, because he didn’t. In one swift move, his fingers hooked themselves underneath the hem of your pants and panties, yanking them down without hesitation. “S-Sir?” 

“Shh,” he cooed. His hands slid down to your pussy, and he chuckled as his thumbs pulled apart your folds, revealing a hint of wetness. “Naughty girl. Must have been waiting for this, yeah?” Your lips parted, yet rather than words that came out, a sharp gasp took their place as his tongue licked a thick stripe up your cunt. His tongue repeated the action again, only this time the tip of the muscle pressed down against your clit as he licked. It brought forth a soft moan, and your ass wiggled as you squirmed against him. Gojo chuckled again before his tongue plunged inside of you, tasting you fully now. You couldn’t help it when another, albeit louder, moan slipped out, which prompted him to pull away from your sopping hole. “Quiet,” he told you. “We don’t want to wake Megumi, now do we?” 

Your front lowered as your chest settled against the floor of the cubbyhole while your hands clamped over your mouth. This caused your ass to rise a little higher, and the man smirked lightly at that before he resumed eating you out. It had been too long since he last tasted another woman and having to juggle work and his child left little to no time for him to hook up with anyone. Then you came along. The memories of your sweet smile and soft giggles when he caught you playing with his son, or even tucking him in. Fuck, just thinking about how much you mothered his child got his cock hard. You were so good to little Megumi—better than the whore that cheated on him—and a sudden thought caused him to groan against your cunt as he now lapped at your folds. 

You moaned into your hands as his tongue licked you relentlessly, and the thought of how wrong this was turned you on even more. Your stomach knotted as a rush of heat swarmed your body, lighting every single nerve on fire as pleasure steadily filled it. Why his wife ever cheated on him, you would never understand. He knew exactly what he was doing; applying pressure to your clit every so often while his tongue constantly dove in and out between your folds. Gojo’s pleasing felt better than any of your exes ever did, and it wasn’t long before your body felt like bursting right then and there, and he knew it. 

A small whine slipped from your lips when he pulled away. You were close, so close, and he just stopped. It felt unfair. “Not yet,” he told you. His body shifted and you heard the zipper of his pants before feeling the head of his cock at your entrance. He rubbed it against your folds, coating it with your slick before sliding in effortlessly. The way your warm walls enveloped his cock had him groaning, and his hands squeezed your ass the further he pushed himself into you, stopping only when he bottomed out. The entire ordeal felt so unreal, and you moaned into your hands when he pulled back halfway, only to slam back into you with enough force to rock you forward. You then removed one hand from your mouth and gripped the small, plastic chair within the cubbyhole as he fucked into you. Gojo groaned again at the way your cunt kept pulling him back into you. “So tight and needy,” he breathed out. 

Your other hand fell from your lips, your nails scraping against the flooring of the cubbyhole as the mixed sounds of your moans, his groans, and his balls slapping against your ass filled the playroom. “Gojo,” you mewl, eyes half-lidded and back arched slightly the more his dick bullied your hole. 

“Satoru,” he said, correcting you. His jaw clenched the more your pussy swallowed him, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way your ass jiggled the more he pounded into you. “You better call me Satoru from now on.” From then on, all that left your lips was a series of wanton moans and his name. Over and over, up until the end. “Fuck,” he groaned, slamming into you one last time. Your cunt squeezed him hard, milking him for every drop of cum he had, and you cried in pleasure as you came with him, coating his cock in your juices. The two of you stayed like that for a little longer before he slowly pulled out, and he gently tugged your body backwards, pulling you free from the cubbyhole. The man zipped himself up as your worn-out body slumped back against him, and he chuckled before scooping you up into his arms. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

You hummed softly and stared up at him with tired eyes. Gods, you looked so cute all fucked out, and the thought of keeping you entirely filled his head. He could knock you up. That would let him keep you, and you were already great with Megumi. Yeah, he could do that. 

[sturniolos-blog]

dad!matt but reader is struggling w an ed while going thru pregnancy..?

Eating disorder - Matt Sturniolo x Y/n oneshot

warnings - eating disorder (don’t read if you’re not comfortable,) throwing up, sad, fluff, self consciousness, insecurity, mentions of a handjob, slight arguing

disclaimer: first person POV

—————————

1:24pm

It was hard for me, to be pregnant and barely see her husband.

It was harder to see women he was friends with that was the definition of beauty.

All of it was hard.

As I stood at the kitchen island, staring at the to go box of food Matt had left for her before he’d gone to work.

I got this from Buffalo Wild Wings, I know you’ve been craving spicy stuff. Love you so much, baby(s) -Matt

The note read, I wanted to crack a smile, dive in to the food. But I couldn’t, my mind didn’t let me.

You’re not supposed to eat. You’re already gaining enough weight with the baby. Matt’s not gonna know, throw it out, pig.

My thoughts ran wild and mean. I didn’t particularly think i was a big person, I definitely wasn’t skinny but I also definitely wasn’t fat, maybe a couple pounds “overweight.” But the expectation nowadays want you to be perfect or else you’re not good enough.

I let out a sigh, picking the to go box up and bringing it to the trash, shoving the box in the bottom of the trash, knowing that if Matt saw the box in the trash he would freak.

—————————

8:48pm

The rest of the day consisted of me sleeping on the couch, or watching TV. Getting up to wipe counters and vacuum occasionally, but otherwise just not doing anything else. Not like being 7 months pregnant was easy.

I scrolled through the channels with a bored look on my face, my hand holding my head up as my elbow was propped on the arm of the couch.

The door opened and Matt came in, holding another bag of food, with a big smile plastered on his face.

I internally sighed, guilt already eating away at me.

“How are both my babies?” Matt laughed, taking his shoes off and placing the bag of food on the coffee table before kneeling on the couch over me and kissing me softly.

He pushed into the kiss a little more before pulling away with a big smile, “Hi, pretty girl.” He whispered.

There it was again, pretty. That word, was he saying that because I’m his baby mama? Is he saying that because he doesn’t want me to be insecure? Or is he saying that be-

“Hey..” Matt grabbed my chin, making me look at him as he sat down regularly on the couch. “You okay?”

I picked at my ear and nodded, “I’m fine.” I said, pulling my hand away from my ear.

Matt let out a laugh and shakes his head, “You pick at your ear when you’re nervous or lying, so what is it? Am i making you nervous or am i being lied to?” He taunted.

I scoffed, my hand going to pick at my ear again but i caught my self, placing my hand in my lap. “Sorry, i’m fine. This baby just keeps pushing on my bladder, speaking of I have to use the bathroom.” I let out a short laugh, struggling to get up.

Matt stood up and helped me, “Okay, well I got in n out because I know you’ve been craving burgers lately.” He said, kissing the side of my forehead.

I shook my head, picking my ear once again but this time he didn’t notice as he started taking the burgers out of the bag. “Uh- i actually made a sandwich like twenty minutes ago so i’m not really hungry.” I said nervously, picking at my fingers.

Matt nodded, “That’s fine, baby. Now go use the bathroom before we have another accident like last week.” Matt teased.

I let out a scoff, “Screw you! I told you I had to go but you insisted on me giving you a ha-”

“Okay! Okay, go.” Matt cut me off as he let out another laugh.

—————————

9:57pm

I lathered lotion on my hands as i stood in front of the mirror in Matt and I’s room, smearing some on my neck and chest.

Matt came in with his hair wet, shirt off with sweatpants, coming up behind me and kissing the back of my neck, then kissing my cheek. His hand going to my belly, squeezing softly.

I smiled before he pulled away starting to get into bed as I started to put some overnight cleanser on my face.

“You sure you’re not hungry, n/n? I know you get hungry later at night now.” Matt urged on as he got comfy under the sheets.

I shook my head, “No that salad I had really filled me up.” I laughed, starting to get into bed.

Matt gives me a weird look, “I thought you had a sandwich.” He points out.

Shit.



“I had a sandwich and a salad so i’m extra full, can we drop it?” I snapped, not meaning to but it just came out.

“Alright, alright.” Matt said as i climbed into bed.

I turned off the lamp, the room going silent.

“Can we cuddle?” Matt whispered.

I let out a sigh, putting my arms out for Matt.

He immediately crawled into my touch, his head going onto my chest as his hand rubbed my belly, a gesture i used to hate, because i was fat.

—————————

8:34am

I wake up slowly, letting out a soft groan as i open my eyes. I let out a hum as i turn my head, looking over to see Matt’s head on his pillow, his face towards me as he slept.

His pink lips were slightly parted as he continued to take slow, unconscious breaths.

He was laying on his stomach as his arm was draped right under my pregnant belly.

I smiled before slowly removing his arm. He let out a small hum before he started to wake up.

“Mm.. good morning.” Matt said with his sleepy, morning voice.

“Sorry.. i didn’t mean to wake you up.” I apologized as I stood up.

Matt shook his head, indicating it doesn’t matter. He then gives me a confused look, “Where are you going?” He said as he rubbed his eyes.

“Bathroom, I told you this baby of yours likes to push on my bladder.” I complained as i started to walk towards the bathroom.

Matt lets out a laugh.

“Shut up!” I yell as I close the bathroom door.

I do my business before standing up, standing at the sink to wash my hands.

My eyes glance down at the water as it runs through my fingers.

The water starts spinning.

I look up to look at myself in the mirror, but I was also spinning, i couldn’t keep focus.

Everything was turning around me as I stumbled and almost lost my buisness. My back hit the door harshly.

“Babe, you okay?” Matt calls out.

I swallow harshly as I try to gain my balance, I try to speak. “M-matt, i think i-”

Thump.

Everything went black.

—————————

10:32am

I slowly blink my eyes open, my body hurting as i regain my conscious.

I let out a groan as I look around, noticing that I was in a hospital room.

“Baby? Hold on, n/n. Wait.” I hear Matt’s voice tell me, putting a hand on my leg.

“What happened?” I croak out.

“Just uh- drink this, sweetheart.” He said, a harsher tone to his voice, putting a cup of water in front of my face with a bendy straw poking out of it.

I bring my lips to the straw, sucking slowly as i swallow, my dry throat getting moist from the water.

I watch as a doctor comes in the room, holding a tablet.

“Y/n! So good to see you awake. Now, let’s talk. I’m gonna ask you a couple questions and i need you to answer truthfully and with full honesty.” She says.

I rub my eyes and nod, moving to sit up, rubbing my head but immediately groaning in pain as i feel a wrap around it, assuming i hit my head when i passed out.

I grabbed Matt’s hand.

“Okay, do you know where you are?”

“Los Angeles Hospital.”

She nodded and smiled, “Good, good. Next, do you know what happened?”

I look away for a second, thinking. “I passed out. Everything got spinny and then went black.” I explained.

She nodded, “Y/n, have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?” She asks.

I look at Matt who’s face turned pale, i shook my head. “Never.”

Matt squeezed my hand.

“Okay, well, Y/n, do you know the reason you passed out?” The doctor asks me, her tucking her hair behind her ear.

I shook my head as I picked my ear. I hear Matt let out a scoff.

The doctor looks at Matt, “Is something wrong, Mr.Sturniolo?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat, standing up. “I’m just gonna go grab something from the vending machine, i’ll be back.”

I held onto Matt’s hand tighter, shaking my head. “Matt, please.” I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. I could tell something was wrong.

Matt clenched his jaw, looking at me before he nodded.

“Alright, Y/n, well the reason you passed out is because your labs show you haven’t eaten in a while, which is bad for a normal person, but even worse for a woman carrying a child. You see, your body is giving energy too two living beings, your food is shared, your sleep is shared, everything is shared. So when you don’t eat, it’s not just taking energy from you it’s taking energy from the both of you.” She explains.

“Oh, i just- i don’t- uhm-” I shake my head, not knowing what to say.

“Okay, i can give you two a minute or two to maybe talk and process, and then we can talk about things we have to make sure happens for the future and for your baby girl to be healthy.” The doctor says, walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Mat stands up and starts pacing the room as he bites his thumb nail.

“Matt-”

“Don’t!” He raises his voice. “You were struggling and you didn’t tell me? How could you do that to me? What are we even married for if you won’t tell me things like this?” He yells at me.

“Don’t yell at me! It’s not an everyday thing t-that you struggle with y-your body, a-and that you feel guilty everytime you take a bite of something! So d-do not come at me for not telling you that!” I yell back as my voice cracks.

A guilty look appears on Matt’s face, “I’m sorry. I just wish you would’ve told me. I want us to be able to tell each other things like this, we’re married, y/n. Married.”

I nod and sniffle, “I’m sorry.” I whisper out.

He shakes his head, putting his hand on my cheek as he kisses me softly. “It’s okay, just next time, please tell me.”

I nod and he kisses me again.

—————————

So this is the end hope you liked it idk why it took me so long i’m in another writers block like help anyway hope yall liked

taglist: @sturniolosmind @novasturniolo03 @hearts4chriss @vinniehackerslefttoe @christhopersturniolo @mattybswife @streamermattsgf @sturnolio-luvs

[sunshine-theseus]

Et Tu, Brute? | Steph Cately x Reader

Words: 2.6k Summary: everyone betrays you. You just didn’t expect her to do the same; "et tu, brute?" - 'you too, Brutus?' – Caesar upon seeing his friend amongst his assassins Warnings: sexual themes, sexual shaming, leaked nudes, angst, I make the arsenal girls assholes sorry. this probably isn't my best but i hope you like it Request by - @liasputellas

The air felt different as I walked into training. I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe the way Maggie our receptionist looked at me with disgust, or the way the whole locker room went quiet when I walked in, or the way everyone seemed to avoid me like the plague.

The rain was pelting down on us, but I stood alone on the sideline shivering as Jonas gives the rest of the team instructions. Steph seemed to be missing today despite the empty space in bed when I awoke, so I was the odd one out. He finishes and approaches me.

“I think you should take a few days off.” Is the only thing he says.

“Why? What have I done wrong? No on will talk to me.”

“You haven’t seen?” I begin to get nervous, well more nervous than I already was, as he pulls out his phone.

“I thought Steph would have shown you this morning. I wish I wasn’t the one to break it to you.” He types things in and scrolls for a while before finally landing on what he’s looking for. Then he turns the phone to me.

Arsenal’s Star Midfielder, Y/n L/n’s Naughty Pictures Have Been Leaked By An Anonymous Source

My breathing grows heavy, and my head begins to pound. My sight goes into tunnel vision as I reread the headline over and over. This can’t be fucking happening.

I take off stumbling back toward the locker room, seeking some sort of privacy to have the breakdown. I end up sitting on the floor beneath a running shower in some false hope that it will wash away everything, but it’s all for naught. There was only one person I’d ever sent photos to, and it was Steph. She’s the one person I trust with my deepest secrets and she’s not here to comfort me or help me understand why the girls are ignoring. Obviously, it has to do with the photos but, I thought they’d be by my side.

Sobs wrack my body and I lose track of time as the shower continues to run, until I hear boots clacking against the linoleum floors. I scramble to get up and leave before they arrive, but the effort is futile.

They come piling in but stop in their tracks the moment Kim sees my soaking frame looking at the floor ashamed. I try to move around them, but Katie grabs a hold of my shoulder, my drenched jersey sticking to her skin as well as my own. My eyes flick around desperately looking for someone who will let me go, but not even Kyra seems to feel remorse.

“You’re going to go home, end things with Steph and stay somewhere until you figure out where you’re transferring to. You’re not welcome back here.” Katie pushes me back toward the locker room, clearly a sign that I should fucking move and get out, but I’m stood frozen.

“Did you not hear her?” Caitlin begins to approach me, much like a lion approaches it’s prey, but I still can’t move.

“Why are you doing this? Why would I end things with Steph?”

“You’re a dirty cheating bastard that doesn’t deserve her. You’re fucking disgusting.” Despite my want to fall to the ground and cry again, I slowly move to my cubby and grab my stuff, then make my way out.

-

When I finally pull into the driveway, I become very aware of Steph’s car that fills the space again. I become wary as I close the car door and make my way to the house, fearing what I’ll meet on the other side. I juggle my keys in my hand and struggle to slide it into the lock as they shake, but eventually the wood swings away from me and I step inside.

It’s eerily quiet as I make my way down the hall. Steph’s nowhere to be seen as I pull my now damp kit off and place it in the washing machine, or when I go to our room to grab clothes to change into. I trek back through the house, eventually falling onto the couch, with no sign of my wife.

My phone buzzes and I reach for it in a hurry, hoping to see a message from Steph. Instead, it’s from a small group chat of friends from across the football scene, checking in to ask if I’m okay. I leave them on read and scroll through my contacts to find Steph. I press call, but it goes straight to voicemail.

~~~~~

15 minutes later, keys rattle against the door in a similar fashion to how I imagine mine did, and in walks Steph. When she spots me on the couch she stops in her tracks and the look on her face slowly melts into anger.

“Why are you here?” I admit the harsh tone in her voice feels like a stab to the heart.

“Well, I basically just got fired so I didn’t really have anywhere else to go Steph. Can we talk?”

“I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”

“Why? Is it because the fucking pictures you didn’t even bother to tell me about? Who doesn’t tell their wife that private pictures were leaked?”

“Don’t act like I’m in the wrong! You sent those photos to someone, it’s your fault for trusting them!”

“Who?! You? You’re saying I shouldn’t trust you?”

“No! Whoever you sent those fucking pictures to! Because it certainly wasn’t me who got them!” I freeze once I realise what she’s implying.

“Y- you really think I cheated on you? You think so low of me?”

“There is no other explanation for it Y/n!”

“You… you and the girls are fucking unbelievable. I’ve only ever sent those types of things to you Steph. Only you. You’re the only person I’ve ever trusted enough. You really think I’d throw 6 years together, 2 of those married, away like that?” I take a deep breath as I try not to break down in front of who I thought was the love of my life.

“If you scroll back far enough, you’ll find those photos in our messages. Around 11 months ago, after your birthday. Before this morning you wouldn’t have been able to find them on anyone else’s phones except ours. Which means our messages got hacked.” I stand up and bump shoulders with her as I make my way back to our room, pulling out a duffle bag and packing it.

It takes a few minutes for the brunette to follow me, looming in the door.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving. Clearly that’s what everyone wants.”

“You’re just leaving? Just giving up?”

“Giving up!? No Steph, I’m not ‘just giving up’. You think I’m capable of cheating. You think I’d throw away all my years of loving you just like that. For what? Some random hookup with a meaningless girl I’d never see again? You clearly don’t trust me, which I can’t live with. I love you. And it’s not just you. The whole fucking team thinks so little of me. I kept my vows, why can’t you keep yours?” I continue to move around the room, collecting items I needed, as I wait for her response.

“I love you.” Is the only thing she can say, so I slip on some shoes, leaving the worn arsenal kit in the washing machine.

“I love you too. But until you can give me a proper apology, and mean it, I’m going to stay with Mackenzie or Sam. I guess tell Jonas I’ll hand in my resignation papers by tomorrow.” She grips my arm as I try to walk past her. Tears pool in her eyes and I can’t stop mine from falling.

“Please stay. We can talk.” She whispers, her bottom lip wobbling.

“I don’t think I can do that right now.” I reply, and I kiss her gently as a goodbye before I walk out the door.

~~~~~

I end up at Sam’s, having officially resigned from Arsenal the morning after leaving, who made a statement later that same day.

We deeply regret that we have to make this statement but unfortunately Y/n L/n has been let go from the Arsenal team due to conflict between players. We wish her the best wherever she ends up.

I spend a lot of time with Kristie or join Sam at training to avoid looking at the horrible things people are saying about me on my phone. Sam likes to claim it’s ‘to feel like I’m still playing’. It just makes me sad, which is why I had every intention of refusing her offer to go again today. Then she told me Emma wanted to talk to me about something.

“Why does Emma want to talk to me?” I poke Sam continuously as she leads me down the halls of Cobham.

“I have no clue.” The cheeky grin I’m very familiar with graces her face but it doesn’t hint at anything.

I push open the door and Emma directs me to sit down, which I don’t hesitate to do. Sam closes the door and leaves us to talk.

“I wanted to discuss your career’s future. You’ve spent a lot of time here with us after the situation, but have you received any offers from other clubs? What are your moves?”

“No. I haven’t received anything, no one wants to take the player who’s had a sex scandal. Not even in the Championship League.”

“Well obviously the transfer window doesn’t open until January, so it’s not on the table to bring you in as a player. But I was wondering, how do you feel about coaching. I’ve seen you give the younger players like Aggie tips, and she comes back onto the field much better, it’s clearly something you’re good at. Would it be something you’d look into doing?” I blink in shock as I try to process the question.

“Uh.. yes, yes absolutely I’d love to. I- I took the coaching courses over the break when I was out of the world cup on injury, so I’m fully qualified.”

“Well I’d love to have you on the coaching team. I’m looking for people to keep the players in line once I leave and I think someone who has played the recent developments in the game would be perfect. I have the contract ready for you to sign, right here, if you want.” She slides the paper over, and I read it over.

Am I really going to do this? Go to my clubs biggest rival? I could never make an appearance at Arsenal as a player or member of the team ever again. No one else wanted me. I couldn’t refuse the only offer I have.

“W- what about the leak? Aren’t I a liability?”

“We’re not stupid. They were personal photos between you and your wife. It’s not your fault and we know that. I want the best coaches for my team. And that’s you.”

Shock washes over the world of women’s football this week as Y/n L/n signs as an assistant coach alongside Emma Hayes at Chelsea. What does her wife, Arsenal and Australia’s star left back Steph Cately, think about this decision?

The day my signing is announced is the first time any of the Arsenal girls, including Steph, reach out to me.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ From Katie

‘Are you serious?’ From Caitlin and Kyra

‘I genuinely hope you’re happy there. You deserve the best and we couldn’t give it to you. I couldn’t give it to you. I love you and miss you. Maybe we could talk after the derby next weekend?’ I want so bad to leave Steph on read, but I can’t help but reply.

‘We’ll see. Love you’. Kristie takes my phone from me after that.

Training is odd. Being the one running it instead of participating. I like to join in on easy drills, bonding with some players, keeping fit and helping them understand how we want it done. A win-win-win if you will. Emma’s press conference before the game against Arsenal is when things get tense again.

“What effect do you think L/n on the Chelsea coaching staff will have on Arsenal, especially her wife Steph Cately? We haven’t seen them together in quite some time.” Some guy in the back of the room asks the question but it still rings in my ears as I hear it, Kristie watching the conference on her phone because Sam’s there.

“Well I don’t think it should have any effect on their players. Players have to compete against their former teammates all the time, whether as players or coaches. This should not be any different. They kicked her out, they made that decision. We gave her the option to come back into the game when no one else was willing to take that risk, and she’s made us better. As for Steph? I don’t know how she will react. She’s an incredible player, I’m sure she’ll be fine, but that’s none of my business.” I’m grateful for the way Emma stands up for me. She’s one of the few people I now trust with what’s going on behind the scenes of my life and marriage.

It's when we’re in the dugout, the players about to come out from the tunnel, when I begin to genuinely worry. I don’t want to put Steph off her game just by being here, but I’m not going to abandon the team that gave me everything when I had nothing. So I pull on my puffer coat, put in my ear piece, and take my spot next to Emma who puts an arm around my shoulder and squeezes me tight.

Yeah. I’ll be okay.

-

The game is rough, every time we score, Arsenal comes back with a matching goal. But they’re playing dirty. They’re making unnecessary tackles and getting yellow cards every other minute.

I laugh it off until Steph makes a challenge in the penalty box. Her leg stretches out in front of her, kicking the ball away from Fran’s feet, but she falls on a funny angle and doesn’t get back up.

I walk to the edge of the coach’s box, trying to get a better view as the medics run to her.

I tell myself she’ll be okay. She’s always okay.

The medics bring out a stretcher.

She’s not okay.

“Emma-”

“Go make sure she’s okay. We’ll be okay.” I follow closely behind the medics as they carry her down the tunnel and to the medical room.

I slide into the seat beside her as their team’s doctor checks on her knee, taking her hand in mine.

“You’re here.” She smiles gently at me, and I try not to cry. I haven’t seen her in so long.

“I’m here Stephy. I love you.”

“I miss you.” She pouts then grimaces as the doctor moves her knee.

“I miss you too. But-”

“But you can’t act like everything is fine unless I prove I trust you and regret what I did.” I nod solemnly.

“I promise I’ll prove it. Maybe you can come stay at home again. Just a couple times a week. We can have dinners and catch up. I miss the way you hold me.” She squeezes my hand as she waits for an answer.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can try that.” I press a kiss to her hand.

“But I’m staying at Chelsea. They treat me right here.” Steph pauses, but smiles.

“Rivalry could be good for us. You little Blue.”

It will be a long journey, but we’ll make it through.

[audiblehush]

Okay, so post-P1 trailer, the thing I’m MOST excited about for is Colin and Penelope’s ACTUAL friendship!

Because while Colin has always viewed Penelope as a genuine a friend, she has always had the added lense of “I’m in love with you,” and that changed the way she interacted with him.

But now, to Penelope, Colin has essentially closed the door on him ever seeing her in a romantic light, both with his end of S2 words AND their “friends” handshake in S3. “Okay,” she probably thinks, “that dream is dead but friends. I can do friends.”

But what this opportunity does is this give us Penelope functioning in this friendship as an ACTUAL friend, and not just “yes sure friends but I can’t get the heart out of eyes enough for it to be truly genuine because I’m wearing a mask so you like me” - That didn’t make her a bad person; it made her a girl with a strong crush worried about his view of her; it’s normal! But it also obviously led to her putting on airs around him, while also having him on a pedestal and not seeing him as a fully realized person.

But these “lessons” allow for them to be around one another without expectation. That scene of them giggling in the ballroom like dorks, as if no one else was around them??

ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!!!

Colin will begin to see Penelope as a true friend because she’ll LET him; she’ll drop her guard enough to be real instead of trying to impress him all the time. THAT is (hopefully) when Colin starts to realize his feelings: because Penelope will finally be her authentic self… while feeling more confident because of her new wardrobe. He’ll be attracted to her new confidence, and her ACTUAL personality she’s letting him finally see, not just her physical glow-up (the candle symbolism!!!!).

COLIN will now have heart eyes for her, and maybe the one to have her on a slight pedestal… only for the LW reveal to happen and shake his world… letting us see his hurt, his anger, his worry…

Once they work through all that is when these two see each other for who the other REALLY is, flaws and all, fighting to grow individually, as a friendship, as a COUPLE… and choose each other every time.

THAT. IS. MY. JAM.

I still have my concerns about the season. I do NOT want Colin only realizing his feelings once some other guy pays her mind. I NEED him to already be struggling with and analyzing his feelings before Debling get involved. If I had to guess, it will be more than Colin is like “okay, I’m pretty sure I have feelings for Penelope, but how do i know for SURE when I’ve thought that before?” (thanks S1…) … but then Debling comes along looking for a wife, and Colin is suddenly between rock and a hard place because now he has a sort time limit to sort through really complicated feelings.

Violet says “ what more could SHE want?” mostly likely about Penelope and Debling, because Debling is wealthy, titled, and has strong interests and beliefs he is committed to (based on his promo info, anyway). This has already been an insecurity of Colin’s since S1. He’s a third son (with wealth, yes), but he has been searching for “his purpose” for ages now; it’s all over S2 how lost he is and how that frustrates him. His family tends to tolerate him at best and kind of ridicule him at worst, and so he flits by being easy-going and “charming” when he just wants to know who is and be accepted for it. So Violet says all this and Colin says “but you said friendship is the best foundation” and she tells him to follow his heart.

But that’s the problem: Colin struggles to KNOW HIS OWN HEART, and not just romantically! So I just want to know how much of his feelings for Pen has he grappled with at that point? How much exploration outside of his Pen stuff has he done regarding his own person? Because he IS a person outside his relationships, but HE doesn’t feel that way.

EDIT: Also, ALSO Yes, Colin is hyping pen up, but I want her to hype HIM up once she sees that he’s not as confident as he acts. She’s seen glimpses of that in S2, but S3 can let her be like “actually, you are AMAZING…” and without romantic intentions, just her telling her friends he has so much to offer the world.

I’m also scared Penelope will make some awful choices (Nicola hinted at this in interviews) and like, i get it we need conflict, but my poor heart can only take so much…

At the end of the day, it’s all speculation. It’s so hard to say with how trailers are cut, and I know they can’t include it all, and most people are here for the romance so that is what they would lean into… so I’m really trying to avoid doom-theorizing, or even getting attached to things I WANT to happen. We won’t know until it’s out, so I’m just trying to contain both feelings of nervousness AND excitement.

I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH, YOUR HONOR!!!!

[veeluvss]

Hey I really love your stuff abt jj having an autistic child. Could you please post more of that it’s amazing

Hii! Sorry this took so long, I was struggling for inspo but here you are! Just under 2k words. I've left CJ's age up for interpretation as it makes it more universal to insert yourself if you wanted. I hope you all enjoy !

Little Brother

“Good morning, sunshine,” JJ said softly as CJ, her daughter, came down the stairs. CJ stopped mid-step and examined the room. It was past 9 am which meant Mom was meant to be at work. “Come on, kiddo. It’s just Mom,” Will said from behind her. CJ took a quick look up the stairs at her dad and then skipped down the rest of the stairs to get out of his way. However, she refused to enter the kitchen. Why was Mom in there?

“Don’t you want breakfast? Come on, slow coach,” JJ said. CJ examined the pancakes on the table. Pancakes were her favourite but it was Wednesday and that was cereal day. CJ looked up at the menu on the side of the wall and JJ followed her gaze. Sure enough, Wednesdays were cereal days. “Do you want me to make your cereal?” JJ asked and CJ instantly nodded, coming into the kitchen. JJ smiled and began making it. CJ explored the messy kitchen with her eyes. There were piles of clothes everywhere, and bowls of food for breakfast. There were also baby bottles all over the place for the new baby. CJ was unsure about the new addition to the family. He was going to change things. He already had changed things. Mom was meant to be at work. But instead she was here messing up her morning routine. “Sit down, sweetheart,” JJ said. She had the bowl of cereal in her hand. CJ looked at her chair and saw a baby’s car seat on it and huffed, crossing her arms. The mess was overwhelming and the whole morning was going wrong. Will noticed quickly and moved the car seat to another seat so CJ could sit down. CJ slid into her seat and didn’t say anything.  JJ set the cereal in front of her and kissed her head. CJ leaned her head back so JJ could kiss her nose and lips. JJ smiled at their little routine and kissed her nose and lips one after the other. “Eat up.” 

After breakfast, CJ went to her bedroom to do school work. Being the way she was, CJ didn’t fit in well at mainstream public school. JJ and Will had tried private school but CJ struggled there too. Instead, they settled on homeschooling. It meant CJ could work at her own pace, in her own routine without it being messed up by too many outside factors. She was busy working on algebra when she heard the baby cry for the fifth time that hour. How was she expected to concentrate in such a noisy environment? She covered her ears and screeched angrily. She kicked out her legs in frustration and waited for the crying to subside. It didn’t. Getting more and more frustrated with the incessant screaming, CJ marched from her bedroom and down the hall to the baby’s nursery. She hadn’t even been in the room yet, unsure about the new baby. She hated all the change. Although her parents had warned her and she had nine months to prepare, everyone knew she’d never be ready. 

CJ approached the bedroom door and hesitated as she touched the handle. The metal was cold under her hand but she pushed open the door nonetheless. Inside, JJ was sitting in the rocking chair with Henry in her lap. He was crying and it was louder now and CJ resisted covering her ears with her hands. She didn’t want to seem unbrave in front of her mum. Instead, she stood there motionless, in the doorway watching the screeching baby and struggling mum. It didn’t take long for JJ to notice her daughter in the doorway though. 

“Hey, baby. Can you do me a favour?” JJ asked, smiling slightly. CJ didn’t respond, only looked up from Henry to her mum. “Downstairs in the fridge, there’s two bottles. Can you grab the left one and bring it up to me? He’s not feeding and I’m sore.” “Why?” CJ asked, not moving from the doorway. “I’ll answer when you come back with the bottle. Please, Cee.” JJ was desperate. She’d been trying to get Henry to breastfeed for half an hour and he was only getting more hungry and JJ was getting more stressed and now Will had gone to work, it was even more stressful alone because she couldn’t just get up and go get the bottle from the fridge because she was in too much pain from the birth. Walking hurt, especially the stairs. 

Henry cried out louder and CJ covered her ears and stepped back. Why did she have to get a bottle? “It’ll make him be quiet, baby,” JJ explained. That made sense. Stick a bottle in his mouth and he’d stop crying. CJ sped down the stairs and to the fridge. She picked up the left one and took it up to her brother’s nursery but she stopped at the door. It wasn’t her bedroom to enter, she didn’t have permission, plus it smelt bad - like babies. “Bring it here, please, I can’t walk well,” JJ said. CJ shook her head and set the bottle on the floor. “CJ, I need you to hand it to me. You can come in, it’s okay,” JJ sighed. She didn’t want to get frustrated at her daughter but the crying was giving her a headache and it shouldn’t be this hard to have a baby. CJ looked around the room nervously. It was a light cream colour with a safari animal themed banner around it. The bottom of the room was light blue, like the blanket wrapped around the baby. JJ sighed again. “CJ, now, please,” JJ said, holding out her hand. CJ picked up the bottle, scurried across the room, handed it to her mum and ran back out again. She stood in the doorway with her hands over her ears. 

JJ thanked her daughter quickly and put the bottle in her son’s mouth. The crying subsided and the sobs turned to quick gurgles of milk. JJ sighed in relief and looked up at CJ who was still in the doorway. Her hands were at her sides, curled into angry fists. It had been three days since JJ had brought the baby home and CJ hadn’t interacted with him once. JJ knew it was going to take time but hoped it’d be quicker than this. 

“You want to come say hello?” JJ asked, trying to keep her voice calm. CJ shook her head quickly and ran back down the hallway to finish her homework now it was quiet. 

Soon after, Henry was fast asleep. JJ leaned over, wincing quietly in pain, and put him in his basket before heading to her daughter’s room. She knew she’d have to talk to her after the stress of the morning. She didn’t like the change herself. She went from being there for her daughter 24/7 to having to put her daughter aside for her newborn. Usually, understanding CJ’s needs, she was patient and if CJ expressed that she didn’t want to do something, for whatever reason, she was never forced. But the bottle was needed and she knew she couldn’t walk from one side of the room to pick it up off the floor to then walk and sit back down. She hated that Will had gone back to work and she hated that she wasn’t yet feeling her best. She wanted to help CJ but she knew CJ didn’t appreciate her being home at all. It messed with her routine, as had everything recently. She could understand how out of sorts CJ was feeling.

She knocked on her daughter’s door three times, their little code, before CJ granted her entry. “Come in,” came the small voice. “Hi, baby,” JJ replied. “Hi,” CJ said. She was playing on her nintendo switch, curled in her sensory corner. After the whole bottle and crying incident, she couldn’t focus on her work so packed it up, deciding to unwind with her game instead. JJ smiled at the cute sight and headed further into the room, she curled up beside her daughter, being careful of her stitches and watched CJ racing. The corner was JJ’s favourite part of their house. It had two beenbagds, lots of blankets and stuffies, a big teddy bear as well as books, sensory toys and fairy lights. Around it was a sheer canopy with more twinkly lights on. It was CJ’s unwind space but JJ often used it herself to unwind after a case. If it was bad, she’d sneak in after her daughter was asleep and just lay on the beanbags for ten or so minutes before heading to bed with Will or even sometimes sneaking in with CJ. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, baby,” JJ whispered and rested her head on CJ’s. Their blonde hair weaved together to make a seamless bundle. CJ shrugged. She was never very good with apologies. But JJ knew that was an acceptance. A shake of the head was a no but a shrug was a yes and she was grateful her daughter didn’t take it to heart. “You want to come see Henry now he’s sleeping?” JJ suggested. CJ looked up at her mum. She was interested in the tiny human occupying her home and her space but she also was weirded out by it. “He’s just asleep so we’d have to be quiet,” JJ smiled and ran her fingers through CJ’s hair. Not like CJ was ever particularly loud anyway. She was partially nonverbal and never spoke around strangers and rarely around family or friends. Only on really good days could her parents get good conversation out of her. CJ nodded and turned off her game, shocking JJ. She was expecting a no. “Come on, then,” JJ muttered and stood up slowly, using the bed as support. CJ watched her injured mum and sighed, she didn’t like that the baby had hurt her. She didn’t like seeing her mum hurt. “I’m okay, baby,” JJ reassured CJ and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Together, they walked down the hallway. 

CJ peered over the side of the basket, just about tall enough to see in. He was small, tiny even. He had a little button nose and long, blonde eyelashes. CJ looked up at her mum and then down at the baby boy. He looked a little like the dolls people used to buy her. She never played with them, she never understood how to play make believe. She used to just stare at them or shove them as far down her toy box as she could because she hated the noises they would make. No one bought her toys anymore. “What do you think, sunshine?” JJ asked. CJ thought for a moment, what did she think? “Pretty,” she muttered. “He is pretty. He’s your little brother.” CJ nodded, understanding. A brother. She still didn’t like the noises he made or the way he moved and wriggled or the way he smelt but maybe, just maybe, she could get used to the way he slept, silently and still. Maybe a new brother wasn’t so bad.

[whiteobsidian]

from cyra, to you

My struggle with LOA and how I overcame it.

During the summer (in 2020), around July I read a community post about the law of assumption, then I really did my research and had a better understanding of the law of assumption. It was quite fun and painful, I would read the same posts just to get reassurance that what I was doing was “correct”. Growing up with only listening to instructions made it a bit difficult to transition from the law of attraction to assumption. Though the law of attraction didn’t do  me any good.

When I got into the law of attraction in (last) december it was like a miracle had happened and I could change anything I “disliked” all by listening to some music online. I discovered those videos by accident, and I don’t regret it but I do regret abusing it and myself.  During quarantine + online school I was probably at my lowest point in life, I was depressed and scared and my anxiety had turned severe, especially as a black person during this period. I had also gained weight and my acne was worse than ever, In conclusion : I was insecure. Using subliminals was my escape from that, being so desperate to fit into today's beauty standards , I wasn’t doing myself any justice, I would get angry at the 3d for not showing what I wanted to see. I drank 2 liters of water a day, why wasn’t I getting results? I listened at low volume, why wasn’t I getting results? This mindset did change…. well kinda.

As I wrote earlier, I read a community tab from one of my favorite submarkes talking about how they used the law of assumption to manifest. I was obviously confused, I didn’t even know there were different laws/ ways to manifest. This got me into watching Hyler and Sammy Ingrams videos for a whole day straight. I was fascinated to say the least, and I was even more excited learning that visualization can also help you manifest, since I am a big day dreamer. A few weeks later, I had an instagram account and followed lots of coaches and accounts. I was doing self concept challenges and abundance challenges. I had manifested a lot of new things (clothes, macbook, food) but I wanted something more, something I saw as “BIG”. You might've already guessed : appearance changes.

I didn’t want to change for me, I wanted to change so I would be treated differently, that I would have a better life with prettiness. I had a ugly mindset and this ugly mindset told me I was ugly, I never really thought I was an ugly person before and I'm questioning why I ever thought I was in the first place, I had completely changed and it scared me, I was desperate. I would get mad when I didn't see what i wanted, this led me to repeating the old story over and over again. It took me longer than I expected to get my appearance changed because I had doubts. The 3d is a reflection, a movie of your thoughts. All I needed to do was to change my mindset on how I saw myself. 

Self Concept

Self concept changed my whole view on manifesting and honestly myself.  Your self concept is how you see yourself, how others treat you, how you see the world etc etc, for example if you believe that men or women treat you badly then it's going to reflect your reality. I had a lot of old  thoughts and assumptions that would mold into the 3d. Remember that no one is going to manifest for you, you have to do this yourself, know you are powerful, beautiful, and smart. Nobody can change these beliefs you have set in your mind except you. You need to work on yourself. 

Techniques and Methods

i’m going to put this out now, you DON'T need to do any methods or techniques to get “faster results” do whatever makes you feel comfortable, if you're new to the law of assumption feel free to try any techniques you're interested in, just don’t be pressured to. It's not mandatory to do all this extra stuff, unless you really want to. 

Timing

I know that all of us want our results to come quick, instant even and it is possible, but only unless you truly believe that. Know that your affirming is going to work and that your results are already there, if you are affirming for quick instant results, know that you will get quick and instant results. You don't necessarily have to believe in your affirmation, you just need to believe that what your doing is going to work. If you've been affirming and listening to subliminals for months and you're still “not” getting results it's not the 3d, it's you. 

Why?

You can manifest anything you want, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise but question yourself, why? Especially if it's an appearance change, I hope you're manifesting an appearance change because you're doing it for YOU. Not for validation, or to actually “feel” pretty. You are a powerful being, don't let others determine your self worth or determine who you are. 

Apply

Manifesting is simple, especially in the law of assumption, all you need to do is affirm, persist, and know.

Affirm for what you want 

Persist in that thought over and over

Know that your thought will materialize into the 3d no matter what

STOP over consuming info online, I don’t care if a loa creator posted, I bet you already know what it's about by the title. Stop going on instagram and tumblr just to read things you already know, if you're really that impulsive then delete the apps! Don’t waste all your time for reassurance to see what you're doing is right. There is no right or wrong, just manifest.

Have fun!

Have fun when manifesting, don’t make it seem like it is a chore or it's that pile of homework that's sitting around in your room. Think about it, you can manifest your dream life by just thinking, I want you all to have fun when manifesting, enjoy it! Know that you have everything you want all just by assuming!

Remember, you’re one of a kind <3

with all my love, 

xoxo cyra, 111 222

ps. I did manifest an appearance change (and everything else I wanted), all by working on myself! :)

[eldritchpotato]

Mirrorbound 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.

Mary moaned into your kiss. You couldn't feel it, not like her but it was enough.

“You’re perfect, you know that,” Mary chucked as you struggled to unzip her coat, your fingers only partially tangible. “We’re going to be stuck together for a very long time, it's good we see eye to eye,” she giggled at her own twisted humour.

As many questions as you had you didn't really feel like talking much right now. Not as you felt yourself up.

Mary leaned back, opening herself up to you. How strange to see things from this angle. You didn't waste any time, latching yourself to Mary’s clit. You didn’t need to take things slow, you knew what your body liked.

“I m-masturbated like four times this morning already but fuck,” Mary admitted breathlessly. “I feel insatiable.”

That was perhaps the hottest thing you had ever heard. Violating, yes, invasive, absolutely, but also really fucking hot. It wasn't really your body right now, it was her’s, it was her opportunity to have one again. Who were you to judge what she did with it?

You had better things to be focusing on than objectifying your own body in the most literal way possible. You knew how your pussy tasted, you could practically imagine it as you ate Mary out. Tongue and teeth and fingers. You liked them all and so did the body she was borrowing.

“Oh fuck,” Mary groaned. 

How old was she? She seemed all the more contemporary and modern with every second. Despite her ghastly Victorian appearance, her accent wasn’t even anything odd.

You would have to inquire about that later.

You slipped fingers inside her, disappointed you didn’t have that long tongue. Using both hands you spread yourself open, relishing in every moment to see everything. Mary was squirming.

You couldn’t fist yourself… you already knew that… but you could still stuff yourself. Mary was definitely soaked enough for it and you wanted to fit as many fingers as you could inside her.

Four fingers was the limit, splaying them wide as you tongued her clit. Mary was kicking at the ground, hands failing to grasp you in a vindicating way as you sent her spiralling over the edge.

She even squirted, a damn shame it all went straight through you. You were always too busy squirting to relish in the accomplishment. She was beautiful like this, drowned in pleasure.

As much as you preferred having a body, having her take the reins and making her come apart would be delightful.

“I think I’m in love,” Mary croaked.

You drew a heart in the snow beside her.

She must have been freezing, her ass now bare in the snow but while it was snowy it wasn’t cold. Still, she hurried to fumble back into her pants. She was going to have to go all the way back to the house with her pants soaked with her own juices.

She pulled your phone out of her pocket and opened the notes app. “Type,” she offered.

“How old are you?”

It seemed appropriate considering she knew how to use a phone.

“Not much older than you. I died in a car crash after a performance. That’s why I look uh… so intense,” she explained sheepishly.

“Lol, so the Victorian look is a costume?”

“A lot of the blood is too, I mean… not the glass and the uh… eyes but… it was a regency reenactment of Carie,” she explained.

You took a moment to process that information. Things had truly taken a turn you could have expected even less than the already insane turn things had taken in the first place.

You were starting to get a little antsy though. 

“Can I have my body back now?”

“Oh, yeah sure,” she nodded, her reluctance was clear but a split second later the whole world blurred. Sensations slammed back into you and now you were the one sitting in the slow, your pants full of your own cum.

“Yeah, that’s on me,” you chucked. “I will go get us clean,” you added, deciding to make your new roommate feel at home.

Mary typed a winking emoji. As you stood you felt her trial a hand between your legs. Your legs briefly lost coordination before you caught yourself.

“At least let me get back to the house first,” you groaned. 

Mary fortunately left your oversensitive pussy alone. Proof of your own skill considering how thoroughly fucked you currently felt.

However, she still played with your nipples under your coat all the way home.

You had a feeling of how things were going to be going for the foreseeable future. And boy did they look like so much fun.

[xaharadesert]

10 of my Favourite Horror (Adjacent) Movies and Why You Should Watch Them

(Not in any particular order or subgenre. TW are super vague, spoiler-free, and from my memory, but I would recommend looking up more specific ones before watching any of these if you are easily triggered. Not all triggers are listed because these are horror movies, so stuff like death and murder is to be expected.)

Let me know if y’all want a part 2, because I’ve got about 7 more! (It could have been one post if Tumblr didn’t limit my images to 10)

1. Parasite

A struggling lower class family slowly integrates itself into the household of a rich family without their knowledge.

Most of you have already seen this one, or been told to watch it. I am no different: this movie is popular for a very good reason. Divided into 3 clear acts, starting with comedy, and making its way through drama into horror. Also, great commentary on classism, very psychological at times and makes you wonder who you should really be rooting for.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 5/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: Dark comedy thriller

2. The House That Jack Built

Serial killer Jack recounts some of his most influential murders.

A bit infamous and controversial for being very messed up, but still really good. Highly psychological, with a lot of narration and use of metaphor. Especially fun if you have any knowledge of Dante’s Inferno. Definitely not one to watch if you want a protagonist to root for.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 6/10

Disturbing: 10/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual Genre: psychological horror art

TW: sexism, corpse mutilation

3. Creep (1&2)

A man is hired to help film messages from a dying man to his son.

I’m usually not a fan of found-footage, but there’s something special about Creep. On top of that, this is one of the few movies where I can confidently say I like the sequel more, which is shocking because the first one was amazing. Very funny and off-beat, with a sense of foreboding underlying the whole thing.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 1/10

Disturbing: 3/10

Psychological: 4/10

Actual genre: found footage psychological horror

Edit: now has a TV show! Haven’t watched it yet, but saw some clips and it looks great! Follows the same formula as the movies :)

4. Mother!

A woman and her poet husband live quietly in a secluded house away from society.

Very metaphorical and highly feminist; definitely not a movie that everyone appreciates, but if you enjoy analysis or just being really weirded out then this is a good for you. Starts slow and snowballs toward the horrific climax.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 7/10

Disturbing: 7/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual genre: psychological horror

TW: cannibalism

5. Perfect Blue

Mima is a young pop star looking to join the acting industry.

Brutally realistic to the point where I had to stop watching and take a walk at one point. Very much “female rage” and a protagonist that will live in your head rent free for the next 6 years (or maybe that’s just me). Very triggering in a lot of ways, but worth it if you’re not sensitive to the topics it covers.

Scary: 5/10

Gore: 4/10 (animated)

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 10/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: depersonalization/derealization, nudity, stalking, rape scene (she is acting in a tv show but it is still the most uncomfortable scene of the movie), inaccurate portrayal of DID

6. Midsommar

A couple and their friends go on a vacation to their friend’s remote hometown for a Midsommar festival.

Probably the best-known out of this list, and again for a good reason. 90% of the film takes place in broad daylight, and the visuals are absolutely gorgeous. Once again will bring up the question of who is in the right and who is in the wrong (I have the answer to this question and I will fight you in dms if you’d like).

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 8/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 7/10

Actual genre: folk horror

TW: long and graphic sex scene, nudity, close up and graphic gore, cult stuff, suicide

7. The Call

A woman moves back to her childhood home and receives a call from the woman who lived there 30 years prior.

I got really into modern Asian horror films a few months ago and this is one of my favourites. The dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist is one of my favourites, and finishing this movie felt like finishing a 3 season TV show because of how well paced it was. Really hoping there will be a sequel with the same concept, even if it is not likely.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: abuse

8. Incantation

A cursed woman takes back custody of her young daughter and does everything she can to keep away the effects of her curse.

This one was popular on TikTok for a while, and for good reason. Another found footage in a more traditional sense, and a bit confusing at times, but overall a really solid scary story. Very cool effects as well.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: supernatural horror

TW: derealization

9. Pearl

A farm girl dreams about leaving home and living as a show girl.

Mia Goth is a national treasure, but we all knew that already. I watched this one before X (the actual first movie) because I didn’t know they were connected, but I much preferred this one. The Wizard of Oz vibes combined with Pearl’s unsettling behaviour made is a really creep film to watch.

Scary: 4/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: horror

TW: porn

10. The Platform

A man is stuck in a prison where a platform of food is lowered through the layers of cells for inmates to eat as they please.

I’m a sucker for psychological movies that take place in a very limited space. If you’ve ever played and enjoyed the game Presentable Liberty then I’m gonna go ahead and say you’ll like this too. Not every question is answered, but the film is more about the human condition than the prison they inhabit, so it’s not too much of a problem.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 9/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 9/10

Actual genre: social science fiction horror

TW: cannibalism, suicide

[chipsinsalsa]

Pretty Boy 🖤

Sub Peeta x Fem! Reader

Plot: After a month of no intimacy with Peeta you decided to give him a punishment.

AN: As promised for the winner of the poll! I’ll be doing another poll later to see what the next one will be about! Once again disclaimer for any typos or mistakes. And thank you all for the support it means a lot 🥹! I am taking requests so feel free to do so 🤘

contains: smut, sub Peeta , dom fem reader!,character aged up, handcuffs, overstimulation, no katniss

It was a rainy day when you decided that your boredom just needed to be cured.

You and Peeta had been living together as a couple ever since he came home from the games. It had been great between the both of you. Every day you would wake up to freshly cooked pastries from your boyfriend, and at night you both had incredible chemistry.

That is to say that as of recently the both of you had been going on for about a month without any sexual intimacy. And today you decided you had had enough. You went up to Peeta who was per usual making something in the kitchen. It kept his mind occupied and off of the memories he held onto from his experience in the games.

He noticed you coming towards him with a serious look in your eyes. Immediately putting his stuff away sitting down ready to hear you out. “Yes, darling?” He spoke questioning as you began to sit down as well.

“Peeta it’s been a month”

He furrowed his eyebrows giving you a confused look. “A month? Of what? Did I miss our anniversary?”

You looked at the blonde-haired boy questioning whether he was playing coi or he genuinely didn’t know what you were saying.

“You know what never mind.” You said as you rolled your eyes turning away from him.

Peeta shook his head, still looking confused. "Know what y/n? You haven't told me anything yet," he said gently.

You took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes. "It's been a month since we've been intimate, Peeta," you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked expecting the worst.

He began to shake his head “No no no, I just-” He paused. “I wasn't sure if you wanted to-”

Now you gave him a confused look. “What?”

“I didn't want to force you into anything”

You felt a warmth spread throughout your body at his words. It was sweet of him to be so considerate, but it wasn't what you wanted. "Peeta, I want to. I've been wanting to. I just didn't know how to bring it up, but do you know how long a month is?”

Peeta chuckled, understanding your frustration. "I know, y/n. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

“Oh, you're going to make it up to me, now!” You grabbed his hand dragging him to the bedroom immediately throwing him onto the bed and locking the door.

“Hey now slow down beautiful what's happening.” He said propping himself up.

“I’ll show you what's happening-” You walked over to the drawer next to the bed. As you opened it you dug through it looking for the one item you never thought you would use. Yet here you were pulling out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

You dangled them in front of Peeta, his expression turning into that of fear. “Your not actually going to use those on me, right?” Before he could utter another word you walked over to him straddling him making sure he wouldn't move. You placed the handcuffs on him placing his hands to be above his head.

And you couldn't lie, the angle, seeing Peeta so…vulnerable made you want to do unspeakable things.

“Is this what you want?” He asked his eyes filled with fear.

“It's what you deserve.”

You heard him gulp as he struggled to verbalize. “I’m- why dont we take things slow maybe– fuck.” Was all he said as you took his clothed member into your hands. You could feel his desperation to be released already as he bucked his hips in the air. “Please-”

“Pleading already?” You cooed as you began to untie his belt taking off his pants.

His precum already showing through his boxers. You looked up at him. His cheeks flushed red. You knew he felt exposed and you loved it. “Such a pretty boy”

You slid his boxers off as his cock sprung out. His body shivering from the release.

You couldn't help but smile at his reaction. His body was so responsive to your touch, and it made you feel powerful. You leaned down and took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip before taking him deeper .“God fuck-” Peeta moaned and his body arched, the handcuffs preventing him from moving.

You continued to work your mouth on him, feeling him twitch and throb inside you. You used your hand to stroke him as you sucked, alternating between soft licks and deep sucks. Peeta's breathing became ragged and his moans becoming into desperate whines of pleasure. “I think I'm going-” With a pop, you took your mouth off his cock wiping your lips.

“Why'd you stop-” He spoke panting.

You smirked at Peeta's frustration, enjoying the power you had over him. "Not yet," you replied, crawling up his body to straddle him again. You leaned in to kiss him deeply, tasting yourself on his tongue. Your hands roamed over his chest.

“I need you-” He spoke between the kiss, his body writhing beneath you. You scoffed.

“Now you do.”

You broke the kiss, trailing your lips down his neck and chest, stopping to suck and bite at his skin. "Please," he begged, his hands pulling at the handcuffs above him.

"Please what?" you teased, trailing your fingers down his stomach towards his hard cock. You could feel the heat between your legs growing, and you knew you needed him just as badly as he needed you.

"Pl-Please... let me touch you," Peeta begged, his eyes pleading with you.

"I don't know, Peeta," you said, teasing him. "I kind of like having you all to myself." You smirked as you decided it was time for one final punishment. You opened the drawer one more time grabbing a condom and placing it carefully onto his shaft. You slid your clothes off positioning your entrance onto him.

“You ready pretty boy?”

Peeta's eyes widened with anticipation as he nodded, unable to form words. You lowered yourself onto him, feeling his hardness fill you completely. You began to move, riding him slowly at first, savoring the feeling of him inside you.

Peeta's moans grew louder, his hips bucking up to meet yours. "F-faster," he stuttered, his body shivering from the contact.

You picked up the pace, bouncing on his cock harder. Peeta's moans turning into whimpers, and his body shaking with overstimulation. "I-I can't- ah- I'm gonna-"

You didn't stop as he came, determined to push him over the edge. "Not until I'm done" you demanded, riding him harder and faster, feeling your orgasm building.

Peeta's body was now shivering uncontrollably, his eyes squeezed shut, and his breathing erratic. "P-Please," he whimpered, "I can't take it anymore. I'm a good boy, remember? You can't do this to me."

You smirked at his plea, loving the way he begged for release. "Oh, but I can," you replied, slowing down your movements to tease him. "I'm going to make you come again and again until you're completely and utterly wasted. And I'm finished."

The poor boy's eyes filled with a mixture of pleasure and fear as you resumed your movements, pushing him towards his second orgasm. "L-let me make you cum, P-Please I’ll do anything. Just let me touch you," he begged unable to moan anymore as only desperate whines came out of him.

You could feel your climax building, but you were determined to make him beg for release. "Tell me how much of a pretty boy you are and how badly you need me to come."

"I'm a pretty boy," Peeta stuttered, his words barely coherent. "I'm such a pretty fucking boy-"

You could feel his body tensing beneath you, and with one final push, he exploded into the condom with a loud cry. Peeta's body convulsed beneath you.

You collapsed onto his chest, feeling your own body shake with the intensity of your orgasm.

You felt his chest panting as he managed to stutter out only a few words. "T-that was- I-I-"

You leaned up to kiss him, a gentle smile on your face. "Shh, it's okay," you said, stroking his hair. "I know."

[hcdragonwrites]

Cozy (a @jttw-monkeybusiness Drabble )

So I made another one- this one was inspired by this ask (I suck at Hyperlinks I’m so sorry)

It rolled a bit in my brain and kept begging to be fleshed out, so I decided to give it life ! Enjoy!

Snow

Snow fell in white flurries, chasing away the blossoms and birds that had been sitting in the trees just moments before. The storm was in a full frenzy now, peeling petals from overeager trees who had budded too soon, and throwing the birds from the sky. The wind whipped up the cold powder to spray back in the face of the pilgrims as they continued on their journey. They had left the warm subtropical forest only hours ago, where Sophie had rolled her sleeves up to relieve some of the excess heat. Now however, she was shivering.

None of the group, save for Wukong, was truly equipped for the snow and cold. Pigsys ears were turning purple from the temperature as he tried, and failed, to hide from the worst of it behind Sandy. Sandy silently continued on, carving a path for Sophie (who trailed farther behind) to walk through. The snow was already deep, coming to her knees as they continued to follow the tiny path up the mountain. Black rock jutted upward and outward like broken teeth into the white air. Horse and Monk both were struggling ahead, Yulongs sides shivering in the wet as the snow melted on his fur. Tripitaka called Wukong over, asking him to scout ahead to look for a place they could shelter for the duration of this storm. Sophie could see there heads bent together as Master and pupil discussed. Wukong, for once, didn’t reply with a snort or a quick jab at how Trip should be lucky for him to be his disciple. Instead he had somersaulted off, gone in a flash of fur and tiger stripes, into the air.

“Would be nice if I could just somersault out of here.” Sophie muttered.

A freak blizzard had not been on the list of things Sophie was ready for. She had faced shape-changing demons, women that turned to great tigers to devour Tripitaka, mountain gods throwing stones down into their path and the like. Sophie was prepared for any person or creature - or at least- expecting it. The weather however? She was severely underprepared for. She had the travel clothes she had bought with the coin purse she’d been given. They were meant for light rain and mild heat. Not for a snowstorm. Sophies hair was getting wet and the cold was starting to chill her ears from where it melted.

“It’s so cold…” she muttered. She kept following Sandys footpath, thankful for the giant of a river demon and his slow shuffling walk. If he was walking normally he would have left her far behind in the snow.

Her foot hit a rock and slipped, sending her flailing into a rapidly growing snowbank. “F-f-f-freezing! AH!” Snow had gone down her shirt, sending a chill up her spine. Faster than a wildcat she had hopped from the bank, shaking herself.

“Hate snow hate snow hate snow—“ she chanted her mantra as she slapped off the powder, trying to prevent it from melting and wetting her clothes. Wet clothes would only spell disaster. Sophie could recall all the cold born illnesses from one special National Geographic did on Everest and the extreme exposure the hikers faced there: pneumonia, Trench foot, frostbite, hypothermia, flu, Chilblains, bronchitis —

Her foot slipped again as her mind was listing all the things that could happen. Sophie would have been in the snowbank a second time except something caught her by the midriff and hauled her up.

“Stupid women stay on your feet!” Wukong snarled in her ear, setting her down. Sophie nodded, teeth chattering and nose turning red as the cold began to chap it. “Of all the people here I thought at least you had the common sense to be aware of ice!”

From up ahead came the faint cry and heavy fall as Pigsys fell face first in the snow. Sandy had to quickly turn to hid a chuckle as the drenched demon began wilding swinging his rake around in rage.

“S-s-sorry.” She mumbled, shoving her hands beneath her armpits. “Slipped.”

“What’s wrong with your speech? You sound like a squirrel.” Wukong cocked his head, an eyebrow raised. He rolled his eyes when Sophie didn’t banter back irritated she wasn’t snapping back at him. That agitation grew when he felt something like worry begin to itch his pelt. Of the pilgrims, the two mortals were in his charge of care and were the most delicate. While Wukong could fight off monsters and Demons and wicked minded mortals he could not fight a storm. Well- he could if he really wanted to find the celestial body responsible for its creation. But that would take time- and time was not on his side on this.

Tripitaka had put on a brave face when he had asked the Monkey King to find shelter. That didn’t mean Wukong had not noticed how his Masters hands had turned red at the growing cold, how his body shivered and his nose sniffed. Wukong would have teased, poked and prodded at his master- it was his nature to rile and cause mischief. But when he had seen the half awake expression on the mortal man’s face, Wukong had bit his tongue (with great effort) and had instead nodded.

Seeing Sophie in a similar state made the itch beneath his pelt grow worse as fire ants had begun to bite his skin.

“Damn it.” He cursed beneath his breath. He snatched her arm, avoiding her hand, and started dragging her behind him. “Come on just a bit farther you softie. I found a cave up ahead where we can get out of the worst of it. You mortals are ABSOLUTELY worthless when it comes to weather —“

Sophie was only half listening to Wukongs ranting. She allowed herself to be dragged up the mountain pass, trusting the Monkey King to find a better route than her own dimming senses. The cold was like a blanket she wanted to escape out of. Or escape into? She couldn’t remember clearly. If she closed her eyes… she was so tired. The snow looked inviting, comforting. Like the best downy comforter. Like the fluffiest pillow.

Maybe I just … need to lay … down in the comfort. Just close my eyes for a few minutes.

They had been walking for hours before the storm blew in. Her feet hurt, her hands shook and it was so cold. Cold. She just wanted to sleep.

“SOPHIE LOOK AT ME!” Wukong yanked her and she was rattled enough to open her eyes wider in surprise. Sun Wukong was right in her face, leaning so close she could see every line of his facial markings in detail. His breath came from between his teeth like some dragons as he glared.

“Ye-es?!”

“Stay awake- we're almost there. If you fall asleep while I’m dragging your ass up the mountain I will bite your pretty nose clean off!” The demonic monkey spat, then, half carried, half dragged Sophie the rest of the way. Leaning against his back Sophie sighed. Through the clothing she could feel it- like desert sand warmed by the sun. Delicious heat. Sophie - who wouldn’t in normal circumstances have cuddled so close- practically melted against the warmth. What else could she do? Wukong was dragging her up the mountain- practically carrying her. She could see the bend in the mountain pass- a steep cliff where the road cut itself around and hugged the mountain as a snake would do climbing along a vine. Almost there.

“How come you get to be so warm?” She grumbled, not realizing she had said it aloud. Wukong had heard however, and his face became a storm cloud as his heart took a shuddering beat.

“Maybe grow some fur or ask for the Buddha to make you some furry creature. Bet he would too.” Wukong grumbled back.

Stupid fucking women.

They reached the curve in the mountain where Pigsy and Sandy- mostly Sandy since the pig demon kept complaining about how cold his snout was- were setting up three tents. The tents were simple, the leather treated against wet weather and solid. All pigsy had to do was drive the stakes into the stone which, it seemed, he was failing at.

“It’s so damn cold!” Pigsy snorted angrily stamping his hands together, having missed the spike for the third time. “Blasted Heaven and whoever ordered a storm now of all times! Don’t they know who’s crossing these mountains?”

“Less talking more working.” Sandy angrily chided. He had finished setting up the second tent all on his own. When Pigsy went to open his mouth to make another comment and the usually peaceful Sandy shoved him across the shallow cave to the last tent and the one closest to the entrance.

As Wukong walked past, Pigsy lifted an eyebrow at the strange sight. The Monkey King could see the pig beginning to lift a lip in a smirk only to stop when he noticed Sophie’s shivering.

“What did you do?” Those were the last words Wukong expected to come out of his fellow brothers mouth.

“WHAT DID I DO?!” He bared his teeth, fangs on display. He didn’t have time for Pigsy or for his own feelings to confuse him. He knew Sophie was practically clinging to his back like the newborn monkeys did to their mothers back on Flower Fruit Mountain. He was very aware of it. The last thing he needed was for this thick pink idiot to start shit with him.

“I DIDNT DO SHIT YOU THICK HEADED BOAR.” He spat, continuing past. “THIS IDIOT STARTED FALLING ASLEEP IN THE FUCKING STORM. NOW SHUT UP AND GET THE OTHER TENT SET UP.”

Wukong left Pigsy behind, angrily chattering to himself and feeling embarrassed all the while. He couldn’t let that thick womanizing boar know any of Wukongs feelings. If he did, the damn brute would only press his nose to it and route deeper. The sooner he got Sophie off his back the better. Even though he didn’t entirely want that.

He reached the back corner of the cave, setting Sophie down. She huffed, letting go with some reluctance to his warm back. The Monkey King knelt, leaning in. Sophie’s shivering was less. Good.

“I’ll be back- I have to make sure the pink ham doesn’t fuck up the last tent. Once I’ve tended Yulong and seen to my masters comforts I’ll be back to check on you.”

Sophie pulled her knees to her chest. She was still so cold. She wanted nothing more then to curl up and sleep- to find something warm and hold onto it. She heard Wukong from far off - but she nodded.

“S-S-sure… just gonna fall .. asleep.”

“Don’t fall asleep you idiot.” He snapped.

“Why not?” Sophie groaned. She was tired

“Remember. You are in wet clothes. Wake up just to remember - Think. Use that reading brain of yours.” He flicked her between the eyes. That woke Sophie up enough as the pain cleared her head.

“Ow, what the hell Wukong?!” Sophie felt like she had come out of a daze. Her fingers started rubbing at the pain. It wasn’t terrible but … she felt like a child be scolded. Sophie glared up into the smug monkey face.

“Awake? Good. Now fucking listen before you nod off again.” Wukong smirked just a bit. The itching beneath his fur had eased just enough upon seeing her get mad. He spoke slowly, for her sake but also to press in how much he enjoyed giving her orders- and being right about them. “Your clothes are wet. You can’t sleep in them. Change to new ones. In fact, bundle up as much as you can. I’ll be back to check on you.”

Wukong stood up, then turned back around to flick her on the forehead again.

“Ow! I’m up, I'm up!” Sophie rubbed at the space between her brows.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes yes …” she uncurled herself and stood as well, looking down at the Monkey King. “Get out of wet clothes and get new ones. Bundle up. That really hurt you know.”

“If you are still in wet fucking clothes, I’ll do a lot worse then just smack you between the eyes.” And then he was away, already cussing Pigsy out who had, somehow, managed to rip the tent.

It was a only about twenty minutes later but Sophie had managed not to fall asleep. She had gotten into the tent and had peeled the worst of the wet clothes off. Her poor shoes were the worst for wear- the socks and the soles were soaked. She would have to wear her spare shoes tomorrow and let these ones dry. Sophie had set the wet clothes to the farthest side of the tent. She was now dressed in a pair of gray sweats, a long sleeve and her hoodie of bright orange with clementines decorating the front. She felt much warmer and absolutely exhausted. Her fingers were red where the cold had gotten them, her lips felt chapped from the dry air, and her body just kept shivering.

Sophie had retreated almost completely into the hoodie- only her face was viewable.

The tent flap lifted and Wukong stepped in, a bowl of some sort of wild berries and cold rice in one hand. He took one look at her huddled there on her sleeping mat and snorted.

“You look like some orange orangutan.”

“Hahah very funny. See how you like the cold when you don’t have fur.” She shot back. Wukong offered the bowl to her and she took it, digging into it with gusto.

“How’s Trip?” She asked between bites.

“Alive.” Wukong leaned back, putting his arms beneath his head as he stared up at the tent ceiling. “You two would have frozen if not for me- you were both starting to look pinker than yangmei fruit.”

“Thank you.” Sophie said.

“Mm? What are you thankful for ?”

Oh he was gonna ask her for all of it then? Sophie looked at him. Wukong had propped himself up enough to stare at her, waiting.

“Thank you for the food.” She lifted the now empty bowl- she had been famished - to him. “Thank you for finding a spot to rest. And … thanks for dragging me out of the snow.”

“You almost died I hope you know that.” He smirked, laying back down, eyes closing. She followed suit, too tired to sit up anymore or even bicker back with him.

“Yeah I did …” Sophie yawned. Usually she wouldn’t admit so readily to Wukong just how certain situations had made her dependent upon him. He was always, in some way or other, saving the lot of them. When Tripitaka was snatched up by some Goblins belonging to some chieftain of a nearby mountain, when Pigsy had boasted that they didn’t need Wukong and then (almost immediately) failed to find food when Wukong was sent away. He had stopped the dragon horse from foundering and taken to the care of his hooves and coat many a time. The Monkey King had seen to restoring the missing supplies from Sophie pack when a group of mischievous raccoon spirits had taken it. Wukong had even replaced Sandy’s teakettle when it was smashed in battle (Sophie was pretty sure he had stolen it).

He may act aloof and pompous but deep down, this big old brute cared for them. Even Pigsy.

Sophie felt her eyes grow heavy as Wukong kept talking about how she had stumbled in the snow like some “dumb struck fawn” until he came to help her.

As she relaxed to the sound of his voice rumbling on and on, it almost felt … cozy. Yes Wukong may like to slide the occasional wriggly salamander into her water skin, he may thumb through her things like they were his, he may call her idiot, stupid women, and softie. But. There was no real malice behind his actions.

He was also kind of … warm. She scooted closer, half listening to the Monkey ramble on about the idiocy of mortals and the greatness of beings such as him. He was rambling on about his natural prowess over mortals and how he had mastered the arts of immortality and Tripitaka couldn’t even master warding off a cold. Sophie fell asleep before he could get to the part about her looking like a slack jawed idiot in the snow.

Wukong was only a quarter way through his regaling of the story of how he had saved everyone this day when he felt hands wrap around his chest.

His heart nearly flew into his throat as he stopped dead in his speech. His mouth was open, voice cut off halfway through his speech. Sophie curled into his side, face buried in the crook of his neck and so close to his ear he could feel her breathing against its shell.

Electricity shot threw him, fur standing on end as if he had been in a thunderstorm.

He was suddenly very aware of many things. Of Sophie’s hands that had escaped that ridiculous orange sweatshirt and were now burrowed into his fur. One arm was across his chest. The second one was now, somehow beneath his head and tugging on his shoulder. Sophie’s face rested on his arm and in the curve of his neck, her face rubbing back and forth like a cat. As if … she was enjoying the feel of it.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Sophie moved just a bit, mumbling in his ear and Wukong felt his tail lash like it had just been bit. She didn’t say anything coherent but — the proximity alone—

Fucking Hell and all its Judges.

Sophie was … cuddling him.

She was practically twined around him.

And she smelled fantastic. Her scent always changed- sometimes it held a hint of lemons and the sweetness of grass, other times it floated like rain clouds and smelled of stones. But all of it together had a larger perfume beneath it. It was just her. Yes there were moments when her scent changed just enough that he felt like he was adding new spices onto his favorite dish. The essence of it, however, was just Sophie.

And now that cloud was all around him, filling his nose.

He looked at her, turning his head just a fraction to see.

Big mistake.

She was asleep, passed out completely. She looked so … fragile asleep. The dark circles beneath her eyes spoke of how she hadn’t been sleeping well. Her nose was stupidly pink like a Red Pika in her pale face. The cold must have chapped it. His eyes darted to her lips …

Mistake number two.

Wukong looked away, feeling his face flame. Fuck. Shit. He was stuck in a predicament now. He hadn’t meant to chat away about himself for so long that Sophie would fall asleep. Wukong was at war with himself. On one hand, he needed to get out of here. To leave before Pigsy and the others found out- before Sophie found out.

He couldn’t let anyone be that close to him- couldn’t let anyone be as close as Sophie was right now. It was a liability to his pride, to his reputation—

To his heart. Because if she rejected him it would ruin the friendship they had. And the feeling he had building in his chest- he would crush it in his fist before he let it jeopardize that peace between them.

I have to leave —

Wukong tried to move-

Only to feel Sophie’s fingers tug in his fur and her sleepy voice grumble “m’no don’t go.”

Jade Emperor flay me and boil me alive again.

In all the hundreds of years of living, Wukong had only felt trapped like this but once before. The first time he had lost his wager to the Buddha, having been unable to somersault out of his hand. The second time? He was trapped because he allowed it. He was trapped in a way no one in Heaven could have predicted- or had thought to do. Wukong had been placed in vats to be boiled, had wormed and tricked his way out of every trap and net that had attempted to keep his mischief managed. It had taken Buddha and his wager to finally end Wukongs terrorization of Heaven.

Wukong couldn’t move now. He was tethered here by frail fingers and the steady beat of a mortal's heart.

He could hear her heartbeat, feel it against his side. It was steady, soft. Like the steady roar of Water-Curtain Cave. Like the wind through the trees of the orchards on his mountain.

She was mortal. One day that steady beat would stop as all mortal hearts did.

That set his tail to lashing just a bit.

Hasn't she been afraid of dying? Of growing old? He remembered hearing a conversation late at night- when Tripataka and Sophie had those rare mortal conversations where he was explicitly not allowed to sit in on. He hadn’t known why it was such a secret conversation. So of course, since it wasn’t an order, Wukong had pulled a hair from his tail and made a doppel and floated somewhere nearby but out of sight to eavesdrop. The Monk and Reader had been chatting about death, about Sophie’s future.

Well her fears were unfounded. Doesn’t she know I would take care of her? Sophie shifted a bit closer as a gust of wind slipped beneath the tent flat he had left unsecured. Damn it all. Wukong carefully, o so carefully, shifted himself. He slid his body so he was now lying on his side, setting Sophie’s head beneath his chin. It was all the invitation Sophie needed to cuddle closer and escape from the wind.

“You stupid women.” He angrily whispered into her hair. He wouldn’t let her die. He would just fix that. He would fix a lot of her problems. She just had to tell him. He was Sun Wukong, Great Sage Equal to Heaven. He knew of a hundred different ways to achieve immortality. He could fix them all. Like her problem right now of being cold.

He was too tense to relax fully- too aware- but he grew just a fraction larger. His size now dwarfed Sophie’s a good bit and gave her a bit more to tangle into. And she did. Sophie curled her knees up, shivering slowing. Wukong waited. Watching. When finally the shivering had ceased he allowed just a fraction of tension to slide off of him. This stupid softie is gonna make me soft. The thought didn’t bother him as much as it would have months ago.

Maybe he wouldn’t get much sleep tonight but…

He could make her life Hell in the morning. It was something that she owed him on. His face was screwed furiously into a scowl because all he wanted to do was enjoy this moment but if he did- if he really truly did- he didn’t know if he would be able to stop.

She was most assuredly going to be bombarded tomorrow with the most annoying and snappish teasing and toying a King of Monkeys and tricks could give.

Sophie woke with a start as something cold and wet slapped her in the face. She panicked as any person would.

“GaH! DEMON!” She cried, grabbing at her face and throwing it aside. It was a wet rag.

“Relax.” Wukongs voice laughed at her. “Unless cloth can become possessed and has gained a hunger for red nosed mortal flesh, you're fine.”

He was at the tent flap, grinning ear to ear in a grin that promised problems. Really so early in the morning and he already wants to play games ?

“You could have woken me up in a number of other ways- why did you pick that?” Sophie rubbed at her face, feeling … huh. She didn’t feel as sore as she usually felt. When Sophie woke up there was almost a constant crick of pain in her neck from whatever odd angle she had slept in on the ground.

Maybe I had been so tired my body just finally didn’t care.

He shrugged. “You stink. Next place we stop at you better demand a bath of some sort or other.”

“Thanks….” She grumbled, letting the sarcasm drip off her words. She took the cloth up, rubbing the sleep out of her face and the worst of the dirt off her face and arms. She would kill for a warm bath, one that would wake up her bones and chase the last of the cold from her body. Once clean, she checked her wet clothes, bundling them away in a separate part of her pack to avoid them dampening the rest of her stuff. Then she stepped out of the tent, smelling the fire and the promise of breakfast being made.

Only for her feet to slip right from beneath her as a monkey foot stuck out and caught her ankle.

“WUKONG!”

He laughed, face full of malicious mischief as Sophie gathered herself up to chase after the errant Monkey. To do what, she didn’t know. He was a mystical demonic creature born of stone and she just a mortal women. As the morning light cut into the cave and Tripitaka had to order his disciple to calm down after he once again tripped her and she almost went sprawling into rocks, the pilgrims ate breakfast. They broke down their tents. And they were once again on the road.

None were the wiser of Wukongs happier mood. He hid it beneath a storm of frowns and a game of teasing torture as he became partically insufferable to Sophie. The threat of the hoop tightening spell was the only true damper to his mood when Tripataka heard Sophie scream as snow was dropped down the back of her shirt.

As the sun rose higher and the word was cast in a frosty flash of refracted gold, Wukong made a decision. He would solve Sophie problem of growing old. It was easy. And if Buddha couldn’t send her back…

Well she was a great sport for pestering and heckling. The least he could do as a benevolent King is give the poor women a roof over her head.

Maybe a few dresses down the line...

Girls liked dresses right?

“Hey Reader!” He called.

“What?”

“Dresses or suits ? What did you wear in that fake time long after this one ? Or whatever fake dimension you fell out of. What did you prefer ?”

And thus began the long hour debate that somehow pulled every one of them: Pigsy, Sandy and Tripitaka, into what was a heated discussion on the best attire for the best occasions.

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - A Little Funky

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x OCD!reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning(s): possibly triggering content to those who do have OCD. Mentions of blood, angst, resisting compulsions.

This one’s for all my OCD people! Your struggle is just as valid even if it’s not always as visible as others’.

Next thing I’m working on is a Quinn request!

—————————————

“Why do you do that?”

It caught me off guard the first time Jack asked. I looked up from my menu. Fear struck my heart in concern that I’d already ruined our first date.

“Do what?”

“You blink like..” he paused, mimicking the action. The way I blinked hard. The way my head tilted occasionally with the force I needed to get my eyelids to close just right.

I let out a quiet sigh.

“Why do you do that?” He restated his question.

“‘Cause I’m just a little funky, Jack.” He didn’t need to know. Not yet. It would scare him off. So instead, I phrased it as a joke. But Jack was far more observant than I gave him credit for at first.

It wasn’t the first time my mental health interfered on a date. Or even that date with Jack. After dinner, we had gone back to his place and agreed to spend a bit more time together.

The night had simply gone too well to part so soon.

“What do you wanna watch?”

I shrugged at Jack’s question. I quickly sat down next to him on the couch, leaning into his side as Jack scrolled through a streaming service. I counted the seconds it took for the app to flick down from one section to the next. Lost in thought as he tried finding a movie.

“Stop.” My urgency made Jack raise a brow.

“You wanna watch Corey Carson?”

“No- no.. go back up.” I shook my head, and watched as Jack scrolled up to the previous section.

“Wednesday?”

“It’s wrong now.” I reached for the remote. Jack’s confusion only doubled. I was strategic in my continuation of the scrolling. Only when we got to the bottom of the page and restarted at the top, did I allow Jack to have control over the remote again.

“What was that?”

I never knew how to explain it to him. I didn’t know how to make him understand that my brain just worked a little different than his. I hated to keep him in the dark, but I thought it was safer for us both to keep it as such.

Our ‘talking’ stage consisted of a lot of great moments, with those occasional interruptions sneaking in.

Interruptions that would leave Jack questioning my habits all day, and leave me feeling like I was walking on thin ice.

“Jack baby…I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A beat.

“Jack- Jack..” I tried to stop myself. “Jack, listen.” He looked at me, trying to walk out the door to go to a game. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“You have to say it back now.”

“I already did.”

I could sense myself getting frustrated with him and upset with myself.

“I gotta go.. okay?”

I nodded, but my mind wouldn’t let it go.

“Jack.” I called his name as he opened the door. He quickly looked back at me.

“I love you.”

“I love you too! Jesus..”

“I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know why it had to be like that. Why my mind had to work the way it did. It scared multiple people off, and I was always afraid of losing Jack because of it.

Eventually, months into our real relationship, I sat Jack down to speak with him on the matter. It was only after I could no longer hide it, that we had the talk.

What I didn’t expect was him to be so relieved and accepting when I told him.

“We should really talk about what’s going on.” I cringed as I looked up at Jack from his bed. He looked exhausted from his game. I was equally exhausted from getting up every ten minutes to check if I turned the stove off.

“What’s going on?” I knew what was coming.

“All of this stuff. It’s different. It’s just- you say you love me a million times, and you have all these.. these off behaviors.” I could tell he didn’t want to offend, but that was really the only way for him to describe it.

I slowly sat up, patting the empty space on the bed beside myself.

“Jack please don’t be mad.”

“God I’m not gonna be mad, just please tell me you’re not a psychopath.” He huffed as he dropped onto the bed, pulling his legs up and shimming until he was next to me.

Some might argue I was a psychopath. Some days that’s how it felt.

“It’s OCD. It’s a disorder- it’s just.. it’s really hard to live with sometimes, and I know projecting it on you doesn’t help. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s what?”

“Obsessive compulsive disorder. It’s when you obsess over certain things, and then you have physical or mental compulsions. Like triggered behaviors or actions that help calm you down.”

“Like saying I love you five thousand times?” Jack eyed me with uncertainty.

“Yeah. I get nervous that you’ll leave and maybe..” I hated talking about it.

“Maybe, what?”

“I don’t know. Like what if you leave and then get hurt? Or die? And I never told you that I loved you. Or maybe telling you that I loved you would save you from that fate.”

We spoke for what felt like hours on the topic. Jack asked as many questions as he could, and tried his best to understand.

We both realized that the best form of understanding came with time.

When we moved in together, Jack had a load of time to form an understanding.

——————

“Hun?” I heard his voice from the bedroom, groggy and confused. I didn’t answer though, staring down at my hands splayed out on the counter top, sobbing quietly as I had convinced myself that my circulation was being cut off.

“Baby?” There was rustling in the bedroom, before the bathroom door opened and in came Jack, in a pair of shorts and no shirt.

“Aw damn..” the disappointment in his tone made my heart break. “Hey, it’s okay.. what’s up?” Jack slipped behind me, carefully wrapping his arms around my torso. He eyed my face, and after a moment he put the pieces together. “Your hands?” We’d been here before.

Jack moved his hands down the expanse of my arms, resting them on top of my own on the cool counter top.

“Don’t look at ‘em. They’re gonna be the same color and feel the exact same way in five or ten minutes.” Jack whispered. He pressed a gentle kiss to my collar. “Gotta relax for me, baby.

I always had issues obsessing over my health. One of said compulsions was the consistent checking of a body part and another was Google searching. In this case, limiting the amount of checking I could actually do, was supposed to help. To show me and my thoughts that I was okay.

At first, I hated giving in to Jack. I hated that his methods never felt like they helped. I hated him because in those moments I felt safer checking myself than not. I couldn’t understand why he wanted me to be hurt.

Over time I began to understand better, that he was helping. I just didn’t like it because it was a good method.

I breathed out a sigh eventually, leaning back into Jack’s chest and nodding to him. “I’m good now.”

There were other days when my OCD got the best of both of us. When Jack struggled between giving in and pushing my limits. When he never quite knew what to do or say.

“I can’t wait to be home.”

“Yeah.. my feet hurt.” I mumbled, eyeing the tile floor of the mall as we neared the door. I had been counting my steps. I made Jack start over with me in three different stores. I think the only reason he agreed was to not ruin my day. But it seemed since it was coming to an end, he was trying to not be as lenient. The second we got to the door, I stopped and turned to go back. Jack gripped my hand tightly.

“We can’t do it again, hun.” I looked back at Jack with wide eyes. His own baby blues responded with a sympathetic look.

“Jack, please.” I squeezed his hand.

“You can do it.” He encouraged, but I wasn’t sure if I could.

“Jack it’s not an even number.” Odd numbers usually meant somebody might die in my head. Jack knew that.

“Who is it?” He spoke softly. He held his free hand out and I slowly stepped into his arms.

“Ellen.” I whispered nervously.

“We can call her when we get home.”

I broke down into tears for the hour long ride. By the time we got into the house, Jack already had Ellen’s number pulled up. When she didn’t answer, he realized his mistake and I was devastated.

Those were learning moments for both Jack and I. He tried to work past his mistake, and I had to wait longer to speak with Ellen. Who had ended up being fine nonetheless.

Jack and I weren’t a perfect couple, and there were nights when I know he got just as frustrated with me as I did with myself. I hated to put that stress on him, but I learned over time that he was not going anywhere.

“Why can’t I just be in here with you? I wanna hang out.” Frustration seeped out of his tone.

“Because I said so, Jack.” I mumbled, barely giving him the time of day with my words, much less my eyes.

One of the things I hated most were the intrusive thoughts I occasionally got about him. The ones that broke my heart, because no matter what they were, I could never live with the thought of myself hurting Jack.

I never wanted to be around him when one came about. Especially because I was always afraid. It was something I never told him, and he never understood.

“Please?”

“No, Jack. Please go call Nico or somebody else. I wanna be alone right now.”

He’d huff and he’d puff, but damn he never went away.

“I’ll be back in a half an hour.”

He was always adamant on checking in on me. He knew when it was my OCD. I had little tells he was good at picking out.

Intrusive thoughts were not the only reason I avoided Jack at times. I also struggled to be around him when he had a cut or broken skin somewhere that was touchable. I was lenient about it being beneath clothing, but on a hand or his face, parts of his arms they weren’t covered by t-shirts, or his legs where they wouldnt be covered by shirts- then I had an issue.

Jack didn’t have diseases by any means. Maybe yaps-a-lot-itus, but other than that, he was fine. That didn’t stop me from getting extra tense when the moment arose where I could have gotten his blood on me. When Jack tried to fight me on that, we usually got into fights.

“Would you at least cuddle with me?”

I hadn’t kissed him for days, not since he busted his lip.

“Jack I can’t. It’s not-“

“There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m fine!”

We could both be emotional in these times. Jack hated to be neglected, and he hated knowing there was nothing he could do to help me. I hated hurting him, and I hated knowing I was helpless against my own mind.

“Please be patient with me?”

“I’m trying!”

If, or when I did get the courage to lay with him, I kept an arguably safe distance. Sometimes Jack would coax me into hand holding, and sometimes he wouldn’t.

There were other nights however, when all I wanted was to be in Jack’s arms. When I’d focus too much on a chest pain or the sound of my own heartbeat. When I’d convince myself I had a heart problem or something major was wrong.

“I really need you to tell me how bad it hurts.” Jack whispered as I sobbed into his chest, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that one might assume I was actually dying. Moments like these always scared the shit out of Jack.

“Baby, I really need to know. If we need to go to the hospital then we need to go now.” Jack tried. I tried to get ahold of my wandering thoughts, trying and failing to communicate with him.

“Come on. You gotta have something for me. One out of ten.. how bad is it?”

He moved one of his hands to trail through my hair.

“Two or three?”

I felt silly for sobbing over a pain that was only two or three on the scale, but that simple confession helped my mind come to its first realization. And it helped Jack relax.

“That’s not bad…” Jack sighed out. “Where’s it hurt? Can you show me?” He slowly pulled away. I looked up at him and swallowed before I reached up to press a hand to the center of my chest, then around my abdomen.

“What’s it feel like?”

I felt myself becoming choked up again. I couldn’t explain it. I let out a strangled sob.

“Hey, hey.. it’s okay.” Jack took my face in his hands, and wiped away the trails of tears. “Is it a sharp pain? Or a dull one, like a soreness? Or does it burn, maybe?”

“It burns..” Jack was always so good at helping me organize what I thought and felt. So good at helping me communicate when I didn’t know how to.

“That’s it?” He asked as if it was nothing. Somehow hearing his nonchalance also relaxed me.

“Baby.. we ate a few hours ago.” Jack whispered, continuing to wipe my tears away. “It’s probably just heartburn.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my head. “I get it sometimes too. Feels all uncomfortable in your stomach and your chest? Kinda tight or burning?” I nodded to confirm that he was correct. “Yeah. It’s just heartburn. It’ll go away, just give it some time. If it doesn’t, we’ll go to the pharmacy and grab some pills.”

I was slow to nod in agreement of his plan. Jack pulled me back into his arms, whispering soft assurances and conversation starters. Some that I answered and some that I didn’t.

Occasionally that pain would grab my attention again, and a new wave of fear would strike, but Jack was one step ahead of it. Always one step ahead.

I rolled over in his arms, my back pressed firmly to his chest. One of Jack’s hands was hidden beneath my shirt, thumb rubbing gently back and forth across the skin of my stomach. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

“You’re safe right here.” He whispered. “Safe as you could possibly be. It’ll go away before you even wake up in the morning.” He pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” I mumbled.

“For what?” He shifted, propping himself up on an elbow and looking down at me. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him though.

“For being so hard to handle.” My voice quivered.

“Hey,” he cooed. “Hey, no.” He laid back down and wrapped himself around me, slipping one of his legs stubbornly between my own. Even though I insisted it was a weird position. “You’re just a little funky.. remember?“

I scoffed at his recollection of the first time we ever spoke.

Jack and I may have gone through so much together, but I realized that it was easier to tackle with him, than without him.

“Maybe a lotta funky.. but I still love you.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[plxcos]

Scars and splinters

Paring —> Lumberjack ( Logan ) , FTM reader

warnings —> fluff , angst , mature content

The air was crisp in the Canadian wilderness, the towering pines swaying softly as a cold wind rustled through their branches. Logan Howlett, better known as Wolverine to a select few, stood beside a stack of freshly chopped logs, his plaid flannel rolled up to his elbows, exposing the veiny, scarred arms of a man who’d lived too many lives. His axe was embedded in a stump, and sweat clung to his brow despite the chill.

You stood a few feet away, hands buried in your jacket pockets. It was rare to feel nervous around Logan—after all, he wasn’t exactly the chatty type—but today was different. Something about the way he moved, the lines of his frown deeper than usual, made you hesitate.

"Something on your mind, kid?" Logan grunted without turning around, his sharp senses catching the rapid thud of your heartbeat.

You huffed, scuffing your boot against the frost-laden ground. "You always do that. Just... know stuff."

He turned, his hazel eyes narrowing slightly as he looked you over. "Ain’t hard to tell when someone’s holdin’ somethin’ back."

You bit your lip, your breath fogging in the cold. "It's nothing, really. Just... been a lot lately, you know?"

Logan grunted, leaning against the stump. "You're not exactly one to shy away from saying what’s on your mind. Spit it out."

You hesitated, the words feeling heavy on your tongue. Logan had been there for you during your transition, steady in a way that didn’t draw attention to itself but was undeniably solid. He’d shown up at doctor’s appointments when you needed a ride, sat silently in waiting rooms, and once almost decked a guy for giving you a hard time about your voice. But this was different. This wasn’t about surgeries or pronouns or binders.

It was about you.

"I feel like I’m stuck," you admitted finally, your voice quieter than you intended. "Like... no matter how far I’ve come, it’s never enough. I thought I’d feel... whole by now."

Logan’s gaze softened in a way that few people ever got to see. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just let your words hang in the air like the steam rising from his breath. Then, with a sigh, he pushed off the stump and walked toward you.

"You think I ever feel whole?" he asked gruffly.

You blinked, taken aback. "What do you mean?"

Logan gestured vaguely to himself. "I’ve been patched up, torn apart, put back together more times than I can count. Doesn’t matter how much time passes, the scars are still there. Hell, half the time, I don’t even know who I am anymore."

You frowned, looking down. "But you always seem so... sure of yourself."

Logan huffed a humorless laugh. "Kid, confidence ain’t the same as being whole. You keep movin’ forward, not because you’re fixed, but because you’re alive. That’s all you can do."

His words hit harder than you expected, the weight of them settling in your chest. You’d always seen Logan as unshakable, a force of nature that nothing could touch. But hearing him admit to his own doubts, his own struggles... it made you feel less alone.

"I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep moving forward," you said softly.

Logan’s hand came down on your shoulder, firm but not heavy. "You are. You’ve already been through hell and come out the other side. That ain’t weakness. That’s grit."

The warmth of his touch seeped through your jacket, grounding you. For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the forest around you quiet except for the rustling of leaves.

"Thanks, Logan," you murmured, your voice thick with emotion.

He gave your shoulder a squeeze before stepping back, his usual gruff demeanor slipping back into place. "Anytime. Now, how ‘bout you give me a hand with these logs? You look like you could use a distraction."

A small smile tugged at your lips. "Only if you don’t mind me slowing you down."

Logan snorted, picking up the axe with ease. "Kid, you couldn’t slow me down if you tried."

And as the two of you fell into an easy rhythm, the weight in your chest felt just a little bit lighter. Logan wasn’t whole, and maybe you wouldn’t ever feel entirely whole either—but together, out here in the wilderness, you realized that wasn’t the point. It was enough to keep moving forward, one splinter at a time.

[brokenpieces-72]

Graves Circumstance

Part 4 | Navigation

TW: Dark imagery, blood, gory, confrontation, let me know if anything was missed

Your captor sat behind you having to hold you in place in front of a mirror. The blade stung as it carefully and precisely dragged over your limbs. You struggled but got scolded, warned that if the blade slipped it was all over. You almost wished you kept struggling.

“Stop!” He barked in your ear. “Almost done.”

By the time he finished you were expecting the next tool of his arsenal to a be a skinning knife. Instead he moved your body around, admiring his work. You looked and felt like a doll. A doll being altered and changed to fit your owner’s preferences. Unclothed you whenever they wanted and rip into you with reckless abandon.

“Stop…” you whimpered, pleading to whatever god might listening.

Your captor pulled your head back putting the already dirty knife to your throat. In a hauntingly casual tone he spoke. “What was that?”

You didn’t answer. He smirked. “Oh you’re hungry… poor thing.”

His arms changed the grip he had, holding and forcing your jaw open. The dirty knife was out by your mouth. You know what he wanted you to do. You tried to pull away, but his grip tightened.

“Stick your tongue out.” He ordered. You obeyed. That’s all you could do, if only to stay alive. “Swallow it.”

The knife was slowly being inserted into your mouth as you tried to scream and struggle for help. No. No more! Make it stop make it stop!

You cried out and Graves awoke within seconds. The lamp went on as he rushed out of the bed to you.

“Wake up! Wake up kid!” Graves tried to shake you awake, get you out of your nightmare. When you do awake, your body jerks and you thrash around. Graves gets hold of you and holds you down while you panic and come to reality. “It’s me kid. You’re safe.”

There were tears in your eyes again as Graves retrieved the blanket again, and wrapped it around you. He then went looking for your stuffed animal.

“Deep breaths, that’s it… good job.”

“I… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. Nightmares are expected for this.” Phil said. “Just take a minute.”

He got you some water, and you squeezed Bagel like a stress ball. You take more than a minute, processing what just had taken place in your mind.

“Why can’t I remember what happened?” You asked. Clearly something affected you enough to cause vivid nightmares and yet you struggled to recall what had happened to you. You didn’t expect Graves to have all the answers.

“Plenty of people forget what happens in their dreams.” Graves told you.

“No… the-the dream was of what happened…” you explained. Graves stared at the floor.

“I hate to tell ya this but that may not be a bad thing. Having nightmares about the stuff you don’t remember could fill in some blanks.” Graves said. “What happened in the nightmare?”

You tensed at the question, trembling. You suddenly became extra aware of your long scars, scratching at them through your shirt. Graves noticed you were now very quiet. He took a quick glance at you, sitting up right. Your jaw was shaking, like you wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out.

Graves looked around the room quickly and found a notepad on the bedside table, and a pen. He sat on the other bed, across from you. If you couldn’t take it all at once then breaking it down would have to do for now. The thing about dreams and nightmares is once they’re had, it’s hard to bring them back. He didn’t want you to forget anything that could get your case moving. If the police would even get off their asses that is.

“Can you tell me where you were?” He asked. Your lips tightened, and you were starting to panic again. There were small noises coming from you, as you tried to tell him. Graves sighed. He needed to break this down further.

“Nod your head for yes, were you inside?”

You nodded.

“Did he have a weapon?”

You nodded.

“Was it a gun?”

You didn’t move.

“A blade?”

You nodded. Graves jotted down his questions and your replies. He kept going, trying to keep the questions simple. Every time he glanced up, checking on your state. You were sitting on the bed cross legged now, and pulling the blanket tighter.

“Did you see him?” He asked.

You shook your head but you hesitated. If it was a blade you might have seen parts of him. Right now the last thing Graves wanted to do to you is traumatize you more. But this was all he had right now.

“He hurt you with the blade?”

You nodded. Okay now to phrase the next part.

“Did he… leave scars?” Graves asked. You went very quiet, and waited a moment before giving a single nod.

“Which ones?” Graves asked, cautiously. You didn’t say anything, but kept tugging your shirt in the same spot.

“We’ll come back to that one. Did he say anything?”

You nodded.

“Did he tie you down somehow?”

You shook your head. He didn’t tie you down, but you didn’t see him?

“Was he holding you down?” He asked.

You nodded.

“He wasn’t in front of you?” He asked.

You shook your head, and tried to talk again.

“Was he holding you from behind?” Graves asked before you could speak. You nodded.

“You saw his arms then?”

You nodded.

“Any tattoos or scars of his own?”

You shook your head.

“Did he have a deep voice?”

You didn’t move. Honestly, you weren’t sure. Your eyes flicked around, thinking and thinking. Why couldn’t you remember it just happened?!

“Hey, don’t fixate on it.” Graves told you pulling your focus on to him. He glances at his hastily written notes, and then the alarm clock on the side table. God it was fucking early.

“Kay you can point for this last one… what scars did he leave?”

You rolled up your sleeves and tugged down at the neckline to reveal one shoulder. The precise cuts. He took a deep breath himself and set the notepad down.

“Did he do anything else?” He asked, tired. You nodded. Honestly, Graves didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t want you fixating on it anymore. “Let’s leave it for tomorrow. You still need some sleep.”

As Graves was getting back under the covers, his cellphone went off. As he picked it up he got himself an idea, but that could wait until tomorrow. You crawled into the covers yourself, keeping the blanket around you. Graves swore to himself as he read the alert further.

Possible Snowstorm Warning in Affect

“Mr. Graves?” You asked. Graves looked up at you from his phone, shutting it off and letting it charge.

“Graves or Phil is fine kid.” He said.

“…why were you on the news?” You asked.

Graves was hoping you’d forgotten about that. He knows what he did, but he knows how many people perceived what he did. You seemed like a good kid, and you trusted him. If he told you what he did would you still trust him? Phil got comfortable staring up at the ceiling.

“I followed orders… and did what I was told.” He said. “That’s the short of it, and it’s too long for us to discuss tonight. Try to get some more sleep kid.”

Phil shut off the lamp just as you turned over.

Graves waited patiently and wanted to call the station himself. He had a feeling they wouldn’t pick up for him. You were eating breakfast, ready to go at a moments notice. You wanted to ask him about the news still but it seemed to be a sore spot.

You noticed him pacing and checking his stuff and even your stuff. He was going back and forth, while the tv droned on. He was like a dad getting everything ready before mom returned from work so they could get on the road right away.

You looked over at the notepad and pen and tore the first paper off. The notepad was blank again, while your mind was filled. You started to write and there was no organization. One moment you were writing about the cops, the next minute you were writing about what little you could recall, and then you scribbled about all the different encounters you’d had.

“There was that guy peeking in our window the other night.” You wondered out loud. The statement pulled Graves out of his pacing. He looked over to you in the bed with the notepad.

“Whatcha thinkin?”

“The road block was up before he peeked into our window.” You pointed out. Graves was focused on you now. Honestly he’d been more concerned about what the guy had been doing there rather than how he got there.

“Which means he was here before the block went up.” Graves said.

“So either he got here and was wandering around, was already living here or…”

“He took the road I did. Which should have been blocked off for the investigation.” Graves said. Mother fuckers were neglecting evidence.

“If he’s still here at the motel we could talk to him.” You suggested. Graves had a different idea but he did know the guy’s room number. If he was a local, even better. Maybe there were some answers being kept close to the vest. Still you seemed uneasy by your own idea. It was worth a shot. The snowstorm wouldn’t hit for a while, and the cops would call either before noon or Graves would storm the place himself. Honestly he wanted to go commando on that place if only get them to do something.

“Alright get your coat. And bring your teddy.” Graves said getting his boots on and laced.

“Bagel.” you corrected. A little childish but you didn’t want the plush too far away. Made you feel safe.

You followed Graves along the lines of doors and overheard a couple intimate noises yourself. You stepped away from the doors a bit, upon hearing the noises.

“Here we are.” Graves said, and knocked on the door. You waited next to him. As an extra precaution Graves made sure he was in front of you slightly.

Graves knocked again, calling “house keeping.”

There was a muffled voice from inside. The door opened and the man from the night before stood in the doorway. When he saw Graves he stepped back, cautiously.

“Morning.” He said, and looked up and down the way.

“Morning. Mind if I ask you a few questions?” Graves asked, calmly.

“Wh-what is this about?” The guy asked nervously.

“Sounding a little unsure of yourself. Seemed pretty certain last night.” Graves said, getting closer to the guy. “How did you even get here last night with a road block?”

The guy was backing up, not want to deal with a guy like Graves. “Dude you need to chill, I swear I wasn’t trying to creep on your kid!”

“Oh yeah, and where’s your so called friend? The one you were supposed to me-“

“Phil!” You said, catching Graves by the arm. Graves stopped and looked back at you. He softened seeing the scared look in your eyes. You turned your attention to the man who was currently rethinking his choices from last night.

“Could we talk to you?” You asked.

The guy’s name was Jacob. Graves felt a little bad for being so rough with him earlier. The guy was acting different than he did last night. Last night he’d been defensive but he now he was skittish.

“Can I offer you anything? Uh, water, coffee?” Jacob said. You sat down on his bed while Graves stood near you like a personal bouncer.

“No thank you.” You said. Jacob nodded and poured himself a drink. After taking a sip he came a little closer but kept his distance. He was around Graves’s age, wore a hoodie, and had sweat pants on, fit but it’s hard to tell with hoodie. His hair was short, and some peach fuzz on his face. The guy was more focused on Graves than he was on you.

“Do you um… do you live around here?” You asked.

“Kind of… uh, I move around a lot. Staying here with a friend of mine for now.”

“Where is your friend?” Graves asked.

“Out getting breakfast.” Jacob said. “Sorry, can I ask what this is about?”

“You ever seen them before?” Phil asked, nodding his head to you. You looked at Jacob who looked at you. Jacob shrugged.

“Aside from last night.” He said.

“When did you get here?” Graves asked.

“Uh… 7 pm. I took the north road.” Jacob explained. The north road. The road Graves found you. Graves took a deep breath, before leaving the room. You stayed where you were, knowing he was probably working off some steam.

Jacob stood there awkwardly as you stared at the door. “So uh… what’s up with that?”

“Um… l-Long story.” You said.

“Listen, you and your dad might wanna get out of here.” Jacob said. “Not trying to spook or threaten you but uh… this place ain’t exactly safe.”

“What do you mean?” You asked. Jacob seemed to regret his suggestion.

“Look just do yourself a favour tell your dad you need to get going.” He said. You looked at the floor and noticed there were a couple of unopened bags. Was Jacob’s friend really getting breakfast?

“Are you… moving?” You asked.

“Something like that.” Jacob said quickly.

“Why?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. Trust me kiddo, you should get the hell out of dodge. There’s some local legends that have reports to back them up.” Jacob warned. His demeanour changed from skittish to fight or flight.

“I’ll go tell him.” You said getting up and going to the door.

“You got a good head on your shoulders. I think your dad is protective enough to take the advice.” Jacob commented. “Stay safe… and I like your plushie.”

You gave him a quick smile and a nod before going into the chilly day.

Graves stormed the police station by noon. He ordered you to stay in the truck again. Anyone who tried to stop him were ignored as he demanded an audience with whoever was in charge.

“Sir, please we are trying to work!” The officer said. The same officer as yesterday, a woman, and a desk card that read “Officer Marwood”.

“Oh are ya now? Then why the fuck isn’t the north road blocked off, evidence is gonna be destroyed if it isn’t gone already.” Graves demanded.

“We had to block off the other road, we’re a small town and resources are limited.” Marwood said, maintaining a calm and collected attitude.

“Then why didn’t you have them go sooner?” He questioned. “You know what fuck it. I’m taking Y/N there myself.”

The officer panicked when Graves turned, and grabbed the commander’s shoulder.

“Sir I cannot permit that!” Marwood said. Graves shoved the officer’s hand off when he was forced to turn around. The entire police station went quiet. The cop was no longer calm, her eyes were wild.

Graves got in her face. “You either step up or stay out of the way, or I can show you the difference between military and me.”

With that Graves left the station, and returned to the truck. He got the snow storm ping again. Time was running out. It was now or never. You didn’t say anything as he got in the truck and took off.

“Are you sure this is where I was?” You asked. You and Graves walked further down the road from where he recalled finding you. His hope was there might be some footprints, or some other trail. The temperature was dropping quite a bit. You were scanning as much as you could but you had been blinded. It was a miracle you could find the road, and you nearly broke down in relief when you felt it at your feet. Graves walked beside you and kept a look out for anything out of the ordinary.

“We went over a bridge after I found you. You had to have come out somewhere nearby.” Graves said. He seemed tense himself, looking around like a dog finding a scent.

“Are you okay?” You asked.

“Focus on the ground.” He instructed. You looked back on the ground, looking for any traces of you along forest line. You held on to Bagel, Graves insisting you kept Bagel on you. Graves continued walking, getting a couple feet ahead as you stared at a spot on the ground.

“I think…” you said, catching Graves attention. Graves turned and saw where you were looking. There was a trail of foot prints. Your prints. The two of you stood, and stared at the trail. Graves started walking down the path.

“What are you doing?” You asked, fear evident. Graves stopped and turned. You almost looked like a little kid with the plushie in your arms. He checked the time, and it was clear the snowstorm would be coming soon. The gear he had wasn’t the best for harsh snow weather, nor was yours. This was the only shot you had though, the one window and Graves didn’t let windows shut on their own. The snowstorm would cover up any traces you had left.

Graves patted his pockets and found a pocket knife. He stretched out his hand to you, to help you down the small drop between the road and the tree line. “Come on.”

Your eyes widened seeing the knife at his side. The hand outstretched had small flashes in your mind and your legs stiffened. The wind started to blow harder, and you know there isn’t much time left. It didn’t make you less scared. You shook your head.

“Kid we don’t have all day, we need to move fast or we lose the trail. Come on.” He stepped closer to you, gesturing for you to following. You stepped back. If you followed the trail what would you find? What if he was waiting? What if this was a trap? You’d known Graves for a while, but how much did you know?

“What did you do?” You asked.

“Kid we don’t have time!” Graves said urgently. He was half tempted to take your hand by force.

“Tell me what you did… why you were on the news.” You demanded. Graves wanted to haul you over his shoulder right now if only to get you moving. Of course it won’t work that way, you wanted an answer.

“… I hurt people.” He said, looking you in the eyes. “I had my orders. I was put on trial for it. I will tell you more but we need to follow your tracks as far as we can before the snow comes and we lose the only lead we have.”

You took a second to process the answer and then hurried after Graves who started walking as soon as you did. He went to put a hand on your back but you shrugged him off. Graves started to mark the trees as you went. Every stroke was in the same direction. The wind howled and kicked up snow around you. The trees stretched tall above you, as you kept your eyes on the trail you made. Your body tensed and you held Bagel close to your chest, bracing yourself against the elements. It felt like an hour of following your bare foot prints. Graves continued making marks, plenty of them, and kept them subtle. You kept walking, lost in the moment. You felt the cold as if it were on your bare legs, your vision blurring as you trudged along, the wind making you flinch and whimper. Despite your distracted state you sensed Graves reaching out to you again. You flinched and stepped to the side, to avoid him.

“Kid the wind is picking up, I don’t want to lose you in the storm.” Graves said.

“Right.” You said quietly. You stepped closer, and Graves put an arm around your shoulders. You shivered as you felt the wind kick up again. You and Phil stopped, seeing your trail being blown away. Phil cut into the closest tree, close to the stump. He made the mark distinct, and more obvious.

“Time to head back kid.” He instructed. You stared ahead. The storm was coming, but you swear you saw something ahead. Something that made you freeze up. Your legs were locked in place, you could barely hear Graves calling to you. You could see something in the distance. It could see you.

Suddenly Graves grabbed you from behind and dragged you along. You panicked, and thrashed and he’s a bit more forceful. Without thinking you tried to pull away. Graves held your head, getting you to focus on him.

“Kid we need to go! We don’t have time!” He told you. You nodded and took his hand, letting him lead you back to the truck. The storm was picking up as you got in the truck. You got in the backseat and stared out the window. Something was out there, you knew there was. You’d seen it first hand. You scanned the trees as Graves stepped on the gas.

Thankfully the motel had enough power, while the wind screamed and howled outside. You had a warm shower as instructed by Graves and he was having one himself. This whole thing was exhausting you. You had to fight the urge to fall asleep, your wet hair tied back and tucked in the beanie. You were under the covers already, trying to get warm. You tucked Bagel in as well. When you’d returned it was just an order for you to have a warm shower. You hadn’t questioned him when you first met. At the time you were ready to cling to whoever you could. Now it felt you and Graves were cell mates. Thrown together, curious to know what the other did to be sentenced, and wondering how long you would be in for.

He was getting agitated lately, and you felt responsible. It didn’t stop you from wanting to know what Graves did. You wanted to trust him but he was holding something back from you.

You got out of the bed to make some warm water. The tea options weren’t very good, but there were packs of hot cocoa. Good enough. Graves came out of the bathroom just as you were stirring the powder. You brought the mug over to the bedside table as he stared out the window. Phil made his way to close the curtains again.

You sat in silence, sipping your cocoa, trying to clear your mind. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. Answers were what you wanted, and needed.

“What happened?” You asked.

Graves really hoped you’d forgotten. He sighed. “Y/N can we drop i-“

“No.” You said. Graves saw the fear in your eyes. It was masked but he could see it. Open book, Phil told himself he would be that for you. He just didn’t think you would read the footnotes. Didn’t want you too. Graves sat on the edge of the other bed.

“What I did was what I was ordered to do.”

“That’s not answer.” You argued.

“You don’t need to kno-“

“Yes I do!” You said, sitting on the edge of the bed now. “I need to know I can trust you, because whether I like it or not you’re all I have. You’re the only one who cares, and… that is fucking terrifying.”

You felt the tears on your face as you steadied your own breathing. Phil couldn’t pretend to know what you were feeling. That feeling of helplessness he’d felt before, but he hadn’t been alone. Truth was he’d been frustrated he couldn’t do more to help you, to take charge of the situation without raising any alarms. Graves could only imagine what you would think of him once he told you the truth.

“And what if you think I’m a monster?” He asked, looking at you, very serious. The question is a warning, about what you would be opening up. You considered the question.

“Then maybe you can scare the demons off.” You said. Phil gave a small scoff at that. He wasn’t sure how to phrase this now.

“I run a PMC called Shadow Company. I get hired by the government to do some pretty high profile jobs and one job led us to tracking down missiles. Lost some good men in losing those missiles. I got orders to detain special forces in Mexico and even had a hit ordered out on men who were working with us. When they fought back things got ugly, and really fucking quick. I followed orders and then the man who gave them to me tried to act like it never happened. So I covered my tracks and exposed his. I don’t regret what I’ve done because I was doing my fucking job.” Graves said. “I was put on trial and I lied.”

You take a deep breath and process the story in your mind. That wasn’t what you were expecting. You asked for it.

“I’m not asking for perfect trust, hell if you want you can take any trust you have for me a throw it into the cold. But I’m all you’ve got right now, and I’m here, and ready to take out this fuck if that’s what it takes. You understand?” Graves said. Fuck sugarcoating and sweet talking. The gloves were off.

“I trust you.” You said. Graves nodded. The two of you sat in silence. You took a sip from your mug, and let the richness help calm you down. Graves got up to make himself something warm as well.

“He made me lick it.” You said finally. Graves set the mug down and looked at you confused. “The blade… after he… he used it on me he wanted me to clean it.”

Phil turned to kettle on and sat down next to you on the bed. A truth for a truth. Not what he’d expected.

“He made you lick the blade clean?” He asked. You nodded, pressing your lips together. You leaned against Phil and he doesn’t hesitate to put his arm around your shoulders. The hell you’d been through made him look like a saint.

“We’ll give them a police report and then leave tomorrow when the storm is over.” Phil said. “Staying here any longer is gonna make us both lose it.”

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