#i’m actually abnormal about it don’t believe a word i say

[doodlebug-aboo]

i’m still feeling totally normal about the junior year announcement

[hotshotsxyz]

i might be a little stupid (but it's okay, you are too)

(buddie) (1.2k words) i have nothing to say for myself idk

The way Maddie says it, it kind of sounds like she thinks it should be obvious. It’s not obvious. It’s not even true, actually, because if it’s true then Eddie has no idea what to do with it. And he can’t—Buck is the stability in his life. He’s the anchor, the foundation, the crossbeam that keeps the roof from collapsing in the wind. So it’s not true. He says as much to Maddie.

“You’re both—” Maddie cuts herself off with a frustrated noise. “I should have listened to Howie. You’re both impossible.”

Eddie shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know what you want me to say, he’s not.”

Maddie sighs. “He is. He really, really is. And you—never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She blows a stray lock of hair out of her face.

And yeah, she shouldn’t have. Not because Eddie’s upset, but because it’s not true. Buck absolutely is not in love with him. He’d know. So it’s fine.

It’s fine until it isn’t, because a day later Buck is grinning at him like he hung the moon, and it’s so obvious that Eddie has no idea how he ever missed it. And he still doesn’t know what to do with it. But Maddie was right. Buck’s in love with him.

.

“Maddie, can you stop?”  Buck asks, nearly sloshing the wine out of his glass as he gestures. “It was funny, the first couple of times, but—”

“I wasn’t joking!” Maddie interrupts him. She pinches the bridge of her nose. “Why are you like this?”

“Me!” Buck exclaims. “You’re the one insinuating things.”

Maddie blinks at him. “Buck. I’m not insinuating anything. I’m telling you. He’s in love with you.”

Buck throws his head back dramatically, knocking it into the cabinets. Ow. “Did Chimney put you up to this? Is this his idea of a prank, because—”

Maddie drops her head to the counter, burying her face in her arms. “No,” she says, muffled by the fabric of her sweater.

Buck rolls his eyes. “Sure,” he says. Eddie isn’t in love with him, obviously. He’d know. So it’s fine.

.

Buck keeps looking at him. And that’s not abnormal, necessarily, but now that Eddie’s paying attention, he’s starting to notice it happens a lot. Buck, catching his eye when he walks into the room. Buck, glancing at him before he does anything at a scene. Buck, making eye contact any time he finds something funny. He’s just—always looking.

And it’s not like Eddie isn’t looking back. He is, obviously, otherwise he wouldn’t have noticed, but it’s different. Especially right now, because Buck’s very clearly watching him over the top of his book, but every time Eddie catches him at it, he goes right back to pretending to read.

It’s infuriating and endearing in equal turns.

.

Eddie is always there, Buck’s starting to realize. He’s at his elbow on every call, in the kitchen when he’s making coffee, in the bunks when he’s trying to sleep. That last one might just be because they’re mostly stuck with the same sleep schedule on shift, but still. He’s starting to think Maddie might be right.

Which isn’t a problem, necessarily, so much as it is an idea that feels almost impossible to wrap his head around. It’s just—it’s Eddie. Buck knows Eddie better than he knows himself. It’s kind of hard to believe he missed something this huge. But—

He gets this look in his eye, sometimes, one that Buck had only ever really categorized as warmth, but that he’s now realizing is reserved exclusively for him. So, okay. Eddie might be in love with him. Maybe.

.

They’re going to have to talk about it, obviously, so Eddie drags Buck home with him after shift. Not that it’s very hard. He kind of just tilts his head toward the truck and Buck follows him.

Buck’s eyes are on him the entire drive. He’s pretty proud of the restraint he shows, waiting until the front door closes behind them to start talking.

“So—”

“I’m—”

Buck huffs an amused breath. “You first,” he says.

Right. “Maddie said something,” Eddie blurts.

“Okay?” Buck says, drawing out both syllables.

“She said that you—” Eddie swallows, mouth suddenly, inexplicably dry. “She said you’re in love with me?” It comes out as a question.

Buck’s eyebrows climb higher on his forehead than Eddie thought was possible.

“And it’s fine,” Eddie says in a rush.

“She—”

“Seriously, Buck, I’m not like,” Eddie flaps his hand in place of an actual end to his sentence.

“Eddie, you—”

“No, really Buck, it’s—"

“She said you’re in love with me!” He exclaims.

Eddie’s brain short circuits, just a little bit. He hadn’t—he hadn’t actually considered that. At all. “She—what?”

“She said you’re in love with me, and honestly Eds, I think she might be right.”

“Since… when?” Eddie manages to get out.

Buck throws his arms in the air. “I don’t know, you tell me!”

“Maddie told you I’m… and you believed her?” Eddie asks.

“Not at first, but I mean,” Buck gestures vaguely.

They’re in Eddie’s house, but there’re traces of Buck everywhere. It’s his handwriting on the grocery list in the kitchen. He’s in half of the framed photos that adorn the walls. Buck’s sweatshirt is draped over the arm of the couch, and he isn’t the one who wore it last. Huh.

“So,” Buck says, looking at him expectantly, “are you?”

“Are you?” Eddie shoots back, borderline hysterical.

Buck opens his mouth and closes it. Blinks a few times. “I… am I?”

“I mean,” Eddie says, mirroring Buck’s earlier gesture.

Buck looks around and frowns. His brow furrows, and Eddie finds himself wanting to smooth it with his thumb. “Eddie,” Buck asks faintly, “are we stupid?”

It startles a laugh out of Eddie, and once he’s started, he can’t stop.

“It’s—it’s not—not funny,” Buck protests as he fails to suppress a giggle of his own.

“No,” Eddie gasps, bracing himself against Buck’s shoulder as he doubles over in laughter.

“St-stop,” Buck honest-to-god giggles. His fingers fist in Eddie’s shirt. “We have to—have to—” Whatever he was going to say, he can’t get the rest out.

Eventually, Eddie straightens enough to look Buck in the eye, and slowly catches his breath. All at once, he’s aware of how closely together they’re standing. “Buck,” he says, soft and warm and—

He can hear it in his own voice. He is. He is in love with Buck and it’s absurd, because how could he possibly have missed that? How could Maddie have known before he did?

“Eds,” Buck says. His fingers release the now-wrinkled fabric of his shirt, but his hands stay on Eddie’s waist. There’s a sparkle in Buck’s eyes that Eddie’s seen so many times, and not once before has he ever thought to examine why he’s so drawn to it.

“I think we’re a little stupid,” Eddie breathes.

.

“Told you,” Maddie says, watching Buck as he laces his fingers with Eddie’s.

Chimney snorts. “That you did,” he says. “They would’ve figured it out eventually. Probably.”

Maddie shakes her head. “I’ve never met two people who were so stubbornly opposed to their own happiness.”

“Eh,” Chimney says, “I think they were happy. They’re just happier now.”

Maddie laughs lightly and lets her head fall to Chimney’s shoulder. “Yeah,” she says. “They are.”

[chameleonwritess]

Incoming essay about Yuzuru Fushimi and why I believe he is the least normal Ensemble Stars character

Before we begin, I’d like to thank @normalestenstars both for giving me the motivation to actually write this at last, and for the polls that have allowed me to ponder over the normality of each enstars character, along with how normality would even be gauged. I’m aware that the concept will have differed from person to person, and so I’ll attempt to explain my metric of normality in order to explain why, say, Kanata, Wataru, or HiMERU aren’t my ‘least normal’ character (okay, what is it with blue hair and insanity in enstars, bc Tatsumi is kinda making the most insane list too). I'll also put the essay under the cut because... it got long. But if you wanna learn about Yuzuru, you came to the right place!

I was judging normality to be a combination of life experiences through from childhood to adulthood, behaviour, current responsibilities and activities, ways of reacting to situations, ways of interacting with the world, mental headspace and its subsequent projections, and any juxtapositions between those- particularly with regards to internal and external worlds of a character (this might not make any sense… it made sense to me but I’m hardly a most normal character myself).

First up, as Kanata was dubbed the audience voted least normal, I’ll touch  briefly on which specific aspect differed here between Kanata and Yuzuru that made me choose Yuzuru over Kanata. Both by the general audience and by the characters within the world of Ensemble Stars, Kanata is perceived as weird and strange, and his backstory explains that weirdness very well… perfectly well, basically. Of course he’s weird and outlandish given he grew up believing he was a living god. Meanwhile, Yuzuru is deemed as pretty normal by both characters and the general audience. At least on the surface! The amount of enstars fans I’ve heard call Yuzuru boring just confirms this, really. Who would ever dream of calling Kanata boring? But the characters who know Yuzuru better, or for those who finally get to interact with him more than very surface level, they suddenly uncover that oh shit hang on this guy is TERRIFYING and INSANE and what the actual FUCK IS GOING ON??? (See: Resort Live when Adonis is in the water and when Yuzuru dives to fetch him he felt like he was being followed by a wild carnivore and was confused as to how the hell Yuzuru had hidden that kind of aura up until now). Love how I said brief and then reached this length BUT essentially it’s the juxtaposition of Yuzuru’s external perception versus his actual reality that puts him on top of the weirdness ladder for me. Kanata’s weirdness is very in line with his history, giving him an aspect of normality, or at least expectedness, in my opinion (I’m in no way denying that Kanata is NOT NORMAL, though, don’t worry. My only actual denial of any not normal allocations is Wataru… but we’ll get to that in another essay xoxo)

RIGHT now let’s start with the Yuzuru focus. We’re gonna go back to his past to begin with. And no, I don’t mean the military camp, actually (although the very fact I just said those words should hopefully be clueing you in to Yuzuru’s abnormality). I’ll leave a list at the end of this of all the stories I got my facts from, as well as some key Yuzuru focussed readings if you want to learn more hehe. Saying that, I talk about Yuzuru’s past pre-military because it starts off as a wild backstory even before we get to the slightly more unhinged stuff. He was born into a family of butlers, and thus was fated to work for the Himemiyas and serve them… WHAT???? Yuzuru’s family are essentially slaves, and we know next to nothing about his parents. So many enstars characters are highlighted for having abusive families as an aspect of their abnormality and the weirdness with which they were raised, but yuzuru never gets brought up amongst those. How does this scenario even happen in the modern world???? I am SO CONFUSED and we have basically no answers. Does Yuzuru get paid?????? He’s been a butler since he was BORN so… probably not?? Is he essentially a slave???????? I suspect maybe!! We already know the Himemiyas are NOT EXACTLY THE EPITOME OF MORAL CORRECTNESS (see: they run an orphanage that filters into a fucking military training facility) so I would not put it past them. So- backstory and utter weird environment to be raised in? CHECK!!!! Yuzuru might have been raised in the weirdest environment out of all enstars characters except perhaps Kanata. Or joint weirdest WITH Kanata!! He grew up being trained to be perfect and to be entirely subservient. He had no interaction with peers, no downtime, doesn’t even have his own house given he lives at the Himemiya’s mansion. It’s absolutely insane if you stop and think about it for more than five seconds, and no one ever seems to talk about it??? Yuzuru Fushimi, man.

And we don’t know much about Yuzuru during this time (probably for good reason- he is cagey about anything that makes it look like he doesn’t enjoy his role and boy does this time include those feelings!), but we do know from Tori that he was not naturally talented at being a butler, would make loads of mistakes, and would hide in the shadows and cry over it. Yuzuru was just a KID. He’s only one year older than Tori, but he was expected to perfectly master pretty much every skill ever. He’s way too over-competent at seemingly everything, and as easy as that is to attribute to the military training…. a lot of stuff doesn’t make sense for that. He was trained to do e v e r y t h i n g. Child abuse, yay!! That’s essentially what it is when you think about it!! Were his parents trapped like this too?? How did his parents meet?? Are they the ones trapping him in this role, or is it the Himemiyas??? Because Yuzuru certainly seems to believe that his parents hold the authority, but idk how much of that is a biased perspective from what Yuzuru saw and knew as a child.

Okay. I think I’ve set the scene for why Yuzuru is insane and weird as fuck. I’d also like to give a brief breather from the agonising lore (bc it’s military time next) to let you all know that I’m writing this whilst desperately smacking auto-live bc I’m grinding for Ghostic Treat House Yuzuru <3 fine I love you <3

That’s all the reprise you get, trauma time again! So, you’re probably aware if you only watched the enstars anime to gain familiarity with ! era lore that Yuzuru spent time at a military facility with his good childhood friend Ibara (he would stab me for saying that lol). But that’s not all! So yes, Yuzuru was sent to the Himemiya’s military facility, where they were actually trained for wars, given the Himemiya’s army are actively fighting ppl during the events of Primavera (lol so much for me saving references to the end). Did Ibara and Yuzuru actually see the battlefield? Textual evidence would suggest perhaps, because Ibara mentions it being funny how a man who can face enemy forces alone is afraid of dogs. But that could be a metaphor and it may have just been training. Either way, definitely had to learn battle relevant skills and were given brutal training. But that’s still not all! From what we can gather from Yuzuru’s internal musings (although he is a somewhat unreliable narrator like 50% of the time tbh), he was sent to the military facility to learn better discipline so he’d stop acting up and play the role of a butler properly. This, combined with the crying when he messed up, gives two plausible reasons for him being sent. 1. he was considered too incompetent and the military was supposed to train him to be more competent as a butler, or 2. he was acting out big style and they wanted to quite literally beat him into submission so he’d treat his role more seriously. There is a scarier third possibility here, but that’s coming hehe don’t worry (: 

What happened when Yuzuru got to the military? Because so far yeah this is a wild situation but it doesn’t highlight Yuzuru’s utter insanity quite as well as I advertised. Ohohoho, don’t worry. Yuzuru was somehow so naturally gifted at being in the fucking military (whilst not being naturally gifted at being a butler, I remind you all!!) that he rose up to leadership and became an instructor IMMEDIATELY. He was in charge of Ibara, and assumably other people too, despite being the same age as him (and quite probably younger than others). Is it possible he rose through the ranks because of his status? No not really. He’s a butler to the Himemiyas, not an actual family member!! And he’s essentially been cast out by them, so why would they care?? It’s also implied and makes all Yuzuru lore add up if he was just… incredibly and terrifyingly talented with weaponry, fighting, tactics, etc etc don’t ask me what military things are important i don’t know. So I’m choosing to believe that the lore all checks out and that Yuzuru was made an instructor because he was freakishly good. Now about his role as an instructor!! 

Most of our info does come from Ibara which is… likely to be negatively biased, but we also have actual flashback scenes which legitimately support Ibara’s perception. Which was, in short, that Yuzuru’s training was spartan. He was harsh and ruthless and ruled with an iron fist… but he also genuinely cared about his pupils (and again, we infer that he had multiple bc he calls Ibara his favourite pupil. Although funny if he’s his fave by default lmao). The military is also the first time Yuzuru gets the chance to be a kid, which is ironic given he is AN INSTRUCTOR IN THE MILITARY. But he gets the chance to sit and talk with Ibara in between training and attempting to murder each other (which is like the closest thing to playing tag that Yuzuru has ever participated in, I reckon). I could write a separate essay about how important Ibara and Yuzuru are to each other, but that’s for another day (pls pls pls ask me to write it pls i just need the excuse). 

We find out some interesting things from Yuzuru’s conversations with Ibara. He hopes to die on the battlefield to show his parents (haha remember that scary third option…. what if this was their plan HAHAHAH). He wants to die out of spite, and he wants to die for the freedom. He hopes he never has to return and be a butler again. He feels free at the military camp, which is ironic given the intent was to trap him there to teach him a lesson. It’s also ironic, given both Ibara and Yuzuru refer to the training camp as an awful, horrible place. 

That definitely isn’t the end of me talking about Yuzuru and military experience, but it is the end of it in this linear fashion I’m taking to explain why Yuzuru is so fucked up and weird and insane.

So, he returns from the military! Read: he is forcibly taken back to the Himemiya mansion. And when he returns, Tori cries and hugs him and begs him to never leave again because he was so lonely without Yuzuru and scared etc etc. And we know that Yuzuru looked at him crying and decided that actually, this was something worth treasuring and putting his life towards. Tori was worth serving- he cared about Tori and wanted to protect him, and he had the abilities now (and probably always) to do exactly that. Was this inspired by Ibara saying he just wanted something to treasure and dedicate his life towards keeping/obtaining? Yep!!! Same story!!! Yuzuru took Ibara’s goal and went ‘snatched, mine now’ but fr… they had such an impact on each other. So, Yuzuru is ‘happily’ being a butler now. In other words, he’s taking his fate and making it his decision, as much as he can (or probably to convince himself hmmm). But where’s the insanity here, before we reach idol time? Well, here we discover that Yuzuru contemplates murdering Tori multiple times!! As a means of escape? As a reflexive urge to kill that he’s developed/been suppressing all along? Who knows! I still can’t quite believe that this is even canon but yeah!!! It’s not always a joke when Yuzuru says scary things to Tori and threatens him with weapons! He has legitimately contemplated murdering him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yuzuru Fucking Fushimi, folks!!!!!!!!

This section is also where I’d like to discuss Yuzuru’s fear of dogs, because he also had to acquaint himself with King (Tori’s dog) during these years. Do you know the reason why Yuzuru’s afraid of dogs? I hear you ask, because I am inside your walls rn. Was there an incident? At the Himemiya’s? At the military camp? No!!! Tori says he’s literally always been afraid of dogs, and Yuzuru confirms this and gives us an explanation as to why! He says that dogs are inherently ferocious hunters- killers at heart- and yet they wear an innocent, harmless mask of being ‘man’s best friend’, covering up the human lives they have taken and are easily capable of taking at the smallest provocation. He fears dogs because he fears their true nature that they’re hiding behind their perceived harmlessness. They’ve masked their bloodlust with domestic obedience- a facade many dogs have tricked themselves into understanding as reality. When I thought about Yuzuru’s explanation for about five minutes before I started this essay, it suddenly slid into place in a way I’d never studied Yuzuru’s fear of dogs before.

Yuzuru fears himself. This checks out with the dog metaphors he makes of himself, of Ibara, that Ibara makes about Yuzuru and of himself. Obedient lapdog, untrained mutt, guard dog etc. etc. The parallels were right there. Yuzuru is an obedient lapdog for Tori… but he’s a predator by nature. A born killing machine whom everyone trusts without hesitation because of the loyal and obedient facade he parades, convincing even himself is reality. Yuzuru is afraid of the hunter he is and when his true nature might escape. I don’t read it as a ‘being afraid of when others will find out that he’s secretly evil’ sort of situation. More a ‘being afraid of when he won’t be able to stop himself & the mask will disintegrate forever and reveal the hunter within. Being afraid of when he might attack’. Ouch. Yuzuru can I give you therapy pls I’m begging. ANYWAY Tori then gets into idols and Yuzuru is dragged along to fine shows, and when Eichi sees him in the audience (ignoring the fact that his first thought is ‘damn that bitch fine as fuck, i love a guy with blue hair purple eyes and a ponytail, smash’), he says Yuzuru looks wild and rugged (i’m going off memory I cba getting Daydream up just trust xoxo), which is interesting given he’s trying his best to be a loyal butler right now. He’s not quite mastered the mask at this point, I suspect. Other things we know from this era are that Yuzuru helped sneak Tori out to go to karaoke as idol practice. I wonder how he felt getting to sing and dance for the first time.

Fun fact in case you hadn’t noticed by now- I’m not very good at staying on topic bc I loooove to go on random tangents of character analysis. I swear this is still about how Yuzuru is the weirdest enstars character… somehow….

So! We’ve finally reached canon timeline in the chronological part of this essay (HOW LONG IS THIS THING GONNA BE?? I hear you worry because, once again, i am in your walls). Yuzuru joins fine yayyy and he’s a transfer student to Yumenosaki given he’s just following Tori. So… did he even go to school before??? Given he has to follow Tori??? Did he take a year out? I’’m so curious as to Yuzuru’s history because how tf did his childhood work? He passes the fine test easily bc turns out he’s also very naturally talented as an idol. He’s very physically fit so it’s unsurprising. What’s sooo fun to know about his joining fine, though, is that he immediately knows exactly what Eichi is like, immediately gets links with the StuCo and joins Keito’s club to get In There with the top people (networking innit and also… club with bow and arrows. Tsukasa confirms he’s freakishly good wow who would’ve guessed Yuzuru would be so naturally talented with a weapon), and apparently immediately developed an escape plan for him and Tori so that if Eichi ever tried to destroy them, he could take Tori and dip. I wonder if that escape plan is still in place, now! Anyway, we also learn in this era that Yuzuru starts to love being an idol and finds he’s genuinely enjoying it. However, the reasons he’s enjoying it are… not exactly normal. He loves being an idol because he’s surprised that it’s able to spur the human emotions of anger and frustration within him (basically, he’s surprised that being an idol brought out his painstakingly buried emotions). We also learn that he’s extremely envious that Tori and Eichi were able to escape their fates laid out by their parents to pursue being idols, but he immediately tries to suppress thoughts like this. The difference between having money and not, huh? Tori and Eichi could escape. Yuzuru was always going to be trapped :( Yuzuru also starts to experience having friends for the first time (does Ibara count as a friend?? It was way wilder and more insane than that) so essentially Yuzuru’s first ever experience of normal teenager things is when he is 16/17. But at least he gets to have a pillow fight and absolutely destroy everyone! And get yelled at by a teacher!! Proud of him for having fun. 

This era is also where we get Yuzuru completely lying to himself, us, and his peers. Everyone is quite conscious of getting Yuzuru to enjoy his life outside of being Tori’s butler, and he’s very much manipulated everyone (including the audience even though we can compile the evidence to discover otherwise) into believing that he’s always been such a loyal and simple butler with no thoughts of his own aside from those that are wishes to serve his master. We know this isn’t true… and yet Yuzuru tries to convince us and everyone in the story that this is reality, to the point that we get people being proud of Yuzuru for coming so far. We get Tori being proud of him! And feeling guilty for him always sacrificing his life for him. Ugh I love Tori actually. The second I started reading stories about Tori and Yuzuru it hit how much guilt Tori has over Yuzuru’s fate and AGHHHH oops I got sidetracked again. Anyway. Yuzuru’s an unreliable narrator and that’s important to his weirdness, because he hides his true utter insanity from even us as the audience!! He lies to himself, to us, to his peers, everyone!!! You cannot fool me, Yuzuru Fushimi. I see through you. I’ve figured out your utter unhingedness. The complete juxtaposition between the very ordinary bland background character you depict yourself as versus the utter fucking WEIRDO that you actually are <3

Moving onto !! era, Yuzuru introduces himself in the main story by being INSANE and everyone seems to forget about it? The first thing he does is discuss how beneficial it is to show up first to important events and prepare the drinks because you gain the upper hand of knowing you could’ve poisoned them and everyone knows you could have, but that he’d never do that because everyone would indeed know it was him. And that’s one of the joys of being a butler! HELLO??? YUZURU WTF BABE????? But that’s always just glanced over. Also there’s the whole insanity of Eichi reminding us that Ibara is the only person whom Yuzuru shows this other side of himself around, and by that we mean the side where he… openly threatens extreme physical violence. Also frontline watchdogs happens. And we learn that Yuzuru still very obviously cares about Ibara gahhh. Anyway, back to insanity time, Wataei are kinda mean to Yuzuru in this era, because they do end up toying with him quite a bit, and we get a lot of Yuzuru dealing with thoughts regarding the Himemiyas and the impact of ES and stuff, because he can’t even just be an idol, he’s also essentially in charge of Tori’s responsibilities until Tori is ready, AND he’s becoming an actor because wow how surprising he’s really good at fighting roles and getting into character (sarcasm, bc… it is not surprising. hey who wants to hear me scream into a forest about wataru and yuzuru and facades it’ll be super fun I promise). Other insane stuff includes the time Yuzuru thinks Ibara is holding Tori hostage so he walks into a room and straight up STRANGLES IBARA because he knows how Ibara responds to being tortured for info so knows he’ll get the truth here. He also proceeds to reveal he’s learnt vocal mimicry from Wataru and will fuck shit up if Ibara tries anything using that trick (how did he learn that???? Plus Wataru is cagey about teaching new skills so it is either an omg yay wataru and yuzuru getting close moment or a…. yuzuru did you just analyse his ability and somehow replicate it??). Also in this era, we learn that Yuzuru accompanies Eichi with a lot of business related things, because of course he gets to be involved in the big ES happenings, and that he’s become wayyy more petty and rude to Eichi. It’s a big step for Yuzuru, who’s been forced to be so polite to his superiors. Like can you believe it. The Himemiyas’ butler being rude and passive aggressive and turning down THE Eichi Tenshouin?? He’s wild for that, but he knows Eichi well enough to know he’s safe because Eichi loves it. Yuzuru is so good at reading people. Oh yeah the other !! era moment I was going to mention was the time he took both Adonis and Hiiro in a fight. Canonically strong guys with training in martial arts/defensive techniques. And he legit scared Hiiro with how suddenly his demeanour changed from passive butler to ‘don’t hold back on me >:)’ oooo I love the utter thrill he always gets when he can go all out and attack people!! He’s so fucked up!!

And now on the theme of that, we have !!! era, because pretty much all he’s done since this new era began is fight people. In his cross scout with Kaoru, he gets disappointed in himself when Nagisa outruns him. It’s interesting to note that despite the lack of practice of his abilities Yuzuru gets outside of situations often purposefully set up so he can fight (usually by Eichi and/or Wataru like the incident in Fist of Idol Togenkyo), he still assumes himself to be… the best at any sort of combat out of everyone in his current environment. Do you know what I would give to see Yuzuru and Kuro fight??? I would LOVE to witness it, but I know neither of them would be willing to go all out on each other :(. So when Nagisa ends up out-running/outmanoeuvring him, he’s peeved. Like it’s not a surprise given Nagisa is genetically created to be The Best at Everything, but damn, how highly does Yuzuru think of his own combat abilities? It never really hit me until this point. Not only is he trained at combat, but he very much thinks/knows he’s good at it, and essentially takes pride in that fact? He’s such an interesting critter. Then we have the shuffle unit, too, where Yuzuru gets to go all out and apprehend a thief and he VISIBLY has fun doing it, as well as internally discussing as much. But we also have textual proof from someone else (a random director) that Yuzuru’s ‘snap’ is a thing. He can switch between this polite, passive butler and a bloodthirsty beast in SECONDS, and the joy he feels from being a vicious hunter is probably palpable. Other people can see him essentially change mask at the flip of a switch and become someone else entirely, and it’s wild. The fact Niki is the other person who does this is also beautiful because Niki in hunger mode is also a terrifying bloodthirsty beast. Can’t believe he won most normal, even with CrazyB being CrazyB.

I’ve finally covered somewhat of a chronological series of events for Yuzuru’s character that have led to the juicy stuff of why I view him as the straight up weirdest and least normal character. Whilst that was a lot of character analysis to do with who he is at his core, as well as his background and where he’s at mentally and in terms of progression in the story, now is for a beautiful collection of utterly unhinged things he’s said/done that make me go ‘what the FUCK Yuzuru’. Which, admittedly, I do a LOT. 

he MCs for the new year live featuring Trickstar and Akatsuki and decides to fuck around with Keito because he looks too serious. He then gets drunk on the joy of fucking with Keito and just keeps screwing with the scoring system and everything whilst Keito is seething with the betrayal

he used to genuinely think his drawings were lovely, but then according to others they looked like ‘horrifying yokai thirsting for blood’, ‘vegetables committing cannibalism’ or just ‘makes [them] anxious looking at it’ so wtf is actually wrong with his perception???

has said he feels the urge to kill Tori sometimes, but ‘a true gentleman suppresses his anger���…. JUST SIT WITH THAT ONE FOR A WHILE

He’s said he wants to dissect Wataru… medically… bc of his stamina levels

He’s also threatened to take Wataru to a secluded area and cut off each of his fingers with a bradawl. YUZURU??????

Nagisa is surprised at his dexterity when he very competently ties Jun to a pillar

He cleans ES and Yumenosaki in secret because he doesn’t trust other people to do it right. Not the most insane thing ever but it adds to his issues. Also cleaning is his favourite thing to do. Cleaning. This man has a body count and I mean in the murder sense

He loves to draw even though he’s shit at it. It’s just really funny to me that he’s very dexterous and talented at pretty much everything except the one hobby he wants to have

He can pilot a helicopter- only he and Madara are known to be capable of this

He’s the best at archery and at using firearms in Yumenosaki. And most likely ES. But he’s careful not to show off his talent and ‘true nature’ because he’s an idol and doesn’t want to scare people off

He has abs. Multiple characters have commented on this. Koga has felt them up

When he gets lost in thought he tightens his grip ridiculously tight. Figured this out due to him subconsciously tightening his grip on both Ibara’s neck during SS and Tori’s clothes during Resort Live

He speaks overly politely, but with the exact same dialect as Ibara which- i’m gonna lose my linguist status for the way I’m about to butcher this- from what I can gather is easy to interpret in a rude and sharp/passive aggressive tone. I’m going off characters who say Ibara and Yuzuru speak exactly the same, and the way Rei and Eichi highlight how Yuzuru says polite words but they’re very rude and barbed despite the politeness

His dancing is sharp and impeccable and his physical abilities are apparently ridiculously impressive, far above what would ever be expected of a butler (who’s surprised?)

His administrative abilities are incredible because he’s just overall a freakish genius apparently

He can completely hide his presence. He managed to scare Nagisa during the recent Halloween event and Nagisa is a very literal freak of nature who has been lab made to be a perfect specimen with like every skill ever soooooo terrifyingly impressive imo

Now, to conclude this insanity is my main point as to why Yuzuru takes the cake as the most insane enstars character to me. And whilst yes it’s obvious from all of this that he’s absolutely batshit insane, so are many other characters, but the reason my vote goes to Yuzuru over anyone else is because of the disparity between his public perception vs. who he is. And I mean both in game and out of game. I asked my lovely partner whose biggest flaw is not giving a flying fuck about my beloved Yuzuru Fushimi no matter how many times I yell about him what their opinion was of Yuzuru prior to knowing my insanity about him. I’d like to highlight that my partner is a big fan of Ibara, so knew about Yuzuru’s backstory at least, but was otherwise oblivious to most fine lore outside the main story, being a CrazyBP. My girlfriend said that, to them, Yuzuru was just a mild mannered butler who doesn’t come across as a big personality, especially next to the rest of fine. She said he’s very overshadowed when you have 2 characters very in-your-face personality wise and Eichi Fucking Tenshouin in your unit. Further thoughts were that whilst some characters you can soak up information of via osmosis, Yuzuru isn’t one of them.

And this was INSANE to me. Because how is it possible to be an Ibara fan and a NikiP who loves Niki’s kitchen and somehow no Yuzuru lore has seeped into your awareness???? And this is what makes me go oh yeah. Yuzuru is the least normal character from a character perspective as well as within the narrative. How do you write a character THIS INSANE with this many unhinged things being said and done in pretty much any story he shows up in, but the fandom who don’t pay attention to him just,,, completely miss it all and view him EXACTLY AS HE TRIES TO PRESENT HIMSELF TO OTHER CHARACTERS: as a mild-mannered, overly polite butler who loves servitude?? Yuzuru Fushimi has not only bewitched the characters into believing his facade, but he’s thoroughly hoodwinked the general audience of ensemble stars too. No one believes Wataru to be normal and casual, and arguably he’s the most normal of fine (at least in terms of upbringing, consistency, motivations etc….. but also he is literally me and i’ve been told I’m devastatingly Not Normal, so maybe that doesn’t count). No one would claim to call Kanata normal. No one thinks HiMERU or Mayoi or Shu & Mika, or the twins are normal. Everyone knows, at least in part, how insane they are, whether they produce the unit and know the lore or not. But Yuzuru!!!! He has fooled you all!!!! He has fooled everyone, and that’s exactly what he wants to do but exactly what he is terrified of doing, too. He fears the utter insanity inside him, but he’s also desperate for any chance he can find to unleash it and, for lack of a better phrase, go beast mode.

Yuzuru Fushimi, folks. He is one hell of a character and I hope you’ve enjoyed my ridiculously long essay on exactly why he is the craziest son of a bitch in ensemble stars. At least to me <3

And now for an incomplete list of references because I legit forget where half my knowledge comes from, I just read it once and forever absorb it into my brain:

! Era:

RESORT LIVE!!! lots of Yuzuru insight

Noble game. A lot of Yuzuru, specifically within his Butler context

GANG!!!! This is the backstory & ibayuzu lore story and it kills me every time

Flower Fes. Not huge on Yuzuru lore but gives an insight into his beginnings at Yumenosaki

Toyland. Yuzuru’s drawings and feelings about being an idol come up here. As well as Tori’s guilt about Yuzuru

School Trip. Aka Yuzuru unreliable narrator the novel

!! Era:

FRONTLINE WATCHDOGS!!!! It’s the Ibayuzu lore of !! era. !!’s answer to Gang

SS finals. It’s really long so specifically the chapters with Ibara and Yuzuru are where the lore is

Fist of Idol Togenkyo. I didn’t mention it much here but it covers Yuzuru’s acting and fighting quite well

Tempest & Primavera are the fine stories that discuss Yuzuru’s current role in ES and Tori’s life best but I didn’t reference them loads

Fair Waltz. It’s a short scout story but it’s so good for Yuzuru & Eichi dynamic & Yuzuru fighting

Grand Slam. There’s like one chapter during the sports festival about Yuzuru and guns lol

Yuzuru idol story episode 3. Ibayuzu reflect on their past & I cry

Seasoning as you like (Niki idol story). Niki’s kitchen revealing some of Yuzuru’s violent tendencies

!!! Era

Intelligence. Cross scout with Kaoru where the Nagisa incident happens

Ballade of the Lost Ones. Shuffle Unit!!!! Yuzuru goes wild!!!

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series is 18+ and will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 28 - In My Dreams | ‘Ours’

word count - 10.7 k

You were sitting at the kitchen table on your Mac starting to figure out some semblance of a plan for how Teddy’s schooling would work. Of course the club provided a lot of assistance with this because it was slightly an abnormal dynamic but also Trent and more specifically Dianne obviously knew the area and school system well. Regardless of all of this help… you did not. You didn’t go to school ever in the uk. You didn’t even study abroad in England because you already ‘knew it’ well because of your dad. Now you were regretting that and kicking yourself for believing that having an English passport meant you knew anything. Needless to say you found yourself in a wormhole of information about dos and don’t, public, private, religious affiliation, all sorts of things fueling your anxiety and worry about making sure you’re little girl got the best but most normal experience she could. You definitely had access to a lot more opportunities than most given your situation but the anxiety was still high. You were entranced in an article until a large ‘whap’ sound echoed scaring the shit out of you.

“Holy shit!” You exclaimed really not expecting the sudden loud noise. You laid your hand over your heart to make sure it was still beating normally. A pile of 10 glossy magazines slapped down on the table next to you. You looked up to see a cheeky grin plastered to Trent’s face.

“Heard there’s an absolute sort in this issue ya know.” He cooed with a slight giggle. You rolled your eyes at him and pulled the stack to you across the slick table top. “Go on. Open one! I’ve been waiting for you. I haven’t seen it officially yet!” He exclaimed. You grabbed one copy and flicked through the magazine to find your published article.

“See that is a fucking good looking lad.” Trent continued to laugh at himself pointing to one picture with him in it. You sighed, inspecting your own appearance ignoring his lighthearted joke. He wrapped his arms tight around your shoulder from behind your chair. “Baby, you look fucking unreal. Please. You’re so beautiful. This is so exciting. Come on.” He tried to get you to be happy about the feature but you just felt critical.

“I look okay? I’m scared to even turn the page to see the rest.” You mumbled out leaning your head back into Trent.

“Y/N… UN fucking believable. I want these framed in the house also. This is so cool, baby. Please just be excited, at least for me. I’m so proud of you, yeah?” He cooed smushing his cheek to yours. You knew if he was calling you your first name he was being serious.

“Okay. It is kind of cool.” You mumbled out hating you were admitting that Trent was right but he was. This was actually a dream of yours. You were in British GQ. You were in British GQ and not just some small blurb, this was a full article, multiple pages. Photos of you and your family blown up printed on glossy paper and typed quotes of yours.you smiled reading the headline Bentley Brown actually used a that you’d mentioned to Trent before.

‘From Manhattan to Merseyside.’

From a whirlwind romance struck on a Manhattan street corner Y/N Alexander-Arnold née Y/L/N and her husband, one of football’s brightest stars, England’s Trent Alexander-Arnold captivated both sides of the Atlantic when they first were spotted galavanting in Manchester late into the night. The couple tied the knot this past summer in an equally lavish as it was relaxed ceremony on Y/N’s home soil. Family and friends only… and us. Y/N Alexander-Arnold, the epitome of glamour and high society, seamlessly blended their luxurious lifestyles, trading the bustling streets of Manhattan to a sprawling estate in the English countryside. Their story, marked by years of quiet cuddles hidden in the stands of the worlds biggest stages, designer wardrobes, and high-profile circles, has become the talk of the town, showcasing a perfect fusion of American charm and British elegance. Curious who the woman is with the pearly white smile and model figure sporting the number 66 every match week, we were too.

“Damn fucking right it’s cool. Baby look. You look so sexy in this, you sound so intelligent, the whole thing. It’s massive and you deserve recognition like this.” Trent was your biggest cheerleader and it made your heart want to leap out of your chest. He was so sweet. He pulled one of the chairs out from your kitchen table and sat down, legs spread wide, relaxing back into it picking up a copy of the magazine. He opened it to the page where the article began. He picked his head up with a devastatingly handsome smirk and patted his thigh for you to come sit. You obliged by standing up and moving to him. You sat on his strong muscular thigh in Dior silk pants and a white bralette. Trent’s big warm hands quick to wrap around your small waist squeezing you. You leaned your head onto his shoulder. “You look so fucking good. Ooff baby, I’ll tell you what that Trent Alexander-Arnold’s lad, he’s pretty fucking lucky, huh?” He joked dragging his finger over your body’s frame in one of the photos. He kissed your head with a hum.

“Thank you for being there for me, T. Really. It means so much to me like I know I would never be in a magazine if it weren’t for you.” You began to talk with a bit of a frown reflecting on the circumstances at which this feature came. Yes, it was about you but it was because you were Trent’s wife. You were proud to be his wife but of course it wasn’t the first time you’d felt like this tinge of insignificance. The magazine feature should have been 100% a good, positive, exciting thing but instead it felt like there would always be this bit of you, this percentile you couldn’t quite ever dwindle down that felt lesser than him. You remembered the fight you had before you went to New York after the FA Cup.

‘It felt like you could never measure up to the golden boy that was in the room with you. No matter where you went or what you did he was always going to look sparkly and new, fantastical and interesting and you couldn’t feel more opposite. You had been stripped of a sense of individualisation and identity. You were Teddy’s mum and Trent’s fiance. Y/N didn’t matter, anyone could fill in the blank of your name. The icing on the cake was the image you were trying to uphold all the while.’

“You know what, beautiful? I really don’t believe that. You could be a fucking centerfold.” Trent cut you off with a sincere smile as he flipped to the next page seeing arguably your favorite photo from the entire shoot. It was Trent carrying you thrown over his shoulder, Teddy chasing after you two out in your back garden. You could practically hear her giggle through the page. The photographer really captured your family beautifully. Even in your moments of feeling most insecure there would always be that silver lining, the most shiny gorgeous silver lining that was Trent and the little girl you made together.

“T…” You whined quietly trying to let him know you were attempting to be serious. “I just… I appreciate what you’ve given to me and I don’t mean the tangible things. I mean I love them.” You paused to giggle because let’s be honest the house, the cars, the holidays, the clothes, the jewelry were lovely. You smiled playing with one of the gold clovers of your Van Cleef necklace. “I just mean for how you make me feel, what you’ve done for me. Not to like get serious on you but you know I still have a hard time sometimes but it’s always okay because I have you. I have you and you made it so for the first time in my life I know that even as dark as it gets you’re there and that’s all I need.” You sighed hiding your face in the nape of his neck feeling bad that you just unloaded on him.

“You have me in the darkest and brightest moments of your life baby. I’m here for it all. And the best part about that is we got our little bestie along for the ride now too. Call me biased but that, and I'm not exaggerating, that is the cutest most perfect little girl I’ve ever seen.” Trent smiled inspecting the photo of the three of you. Ironic considering Teddy was a copy paste of him but you did agree.

“I think you’re right. You know what? I think we don’t tell Ted about this and just let her flip through till she sees us.” You laughed, turning your gaze from the magazine pages to Trent who was mindless licking over his lips. You hummed appreciating the view.

“That’s jokes, baby. Yeah, what time is it? When we wake her up we’ll show her. I want to see her reaction so don’t do it without me.” Trent cooed cupping your cheek. He stroked his thumb over your cheek looking deep into your eyes. “‘I’m proud of you baby. I know this was new and difficult for you. I am so proud of you, don’t forget that, okay?” He gently spoke, keeping his eyes locked on yours.

“Thank you, baby. That means so much to me. So huh? You’re nice, you’re cute, you’re supportive, you’re sexy, arent you just perfect?” You teased kissing his forehead. He rolled his eyes.

“I am and so are you. Don’t forget that either.” He laughed squeezing your side.

“Look who's awake. My sleepy girl, want to go give daddy a cuddle?” You cooed to a very tired Teddy snuggling into you as you held her walking into the living room from upstairs after her nap. She pouted but you put her down anyway knowing that she would want a cuddle from Trent. She was just too tired to answer you.

“C’mere, baby bear.” Trent smiled big at her and grunted dramatically picking up her light weight body when she finally made it over to where he was sitting on the couch. “My beautiful girl.” Trent cooed, kissing her. You watched Teddy’s pink lips curl into an adorable smile. “Want to show me how smart you are? Can you tell me what this says.” Trent asked Teddy, flashing your eyes to you and pulling her further into his lap whilst he leaned forward to grab a copy of the issue of British GQ off the coffee table. On the cover off to the side there was the list of cover lines featured in the magazine, one of which read ‘Meet Mrs. Alexander-Arnold’ to lead into your interview. Trent traced his finger under the headline. Teddy couldn’t really read just yet. She could get words but it wasn’t like she was going to be reading the full article or anything but Trent knew she’d be able to read her surname.

“Alszander Arnal.” Teddy tried her best to pronounce your surname. To be fair, it was a little tricky and she was getting there. Honestly though, you liked the way she kind of stumbled her way through it. It was really really cute. As she said the double barreled last name aloud though she turned her head befuddled to Trent at why she was reading her surname for him and why it was on this magazine.

“Yeah, good girl! Alexander-Arnold. What do you think is in the magazine?” You applauded her effort and then asked her. She just furrowed her brow. Trent flicked through the magazine until he got near the feature and then made Teddy turn page by page. She got to the one before and Trent started to laugh preemptively.

“Mama!” Teddy screamed as she peeled the page back. There it was the first image of you covering an entire page. “Dada! Look is Mama!!! My mama!” She yelled with a massive smile on her face. Bewildered, surprised, and ecstatic.

“And who’s that? Is that my baby bear with daddy and mummy.” Trent turned the page for her once more and there was the photo of the three of you. She just squealed, picking the magazine up to have a closer look at herself chasing after you and Trent on the turf pitch with a football.

“Is that my pretty girl?” You cooed, coming to sit next to them. Trent pulled you by the waist of your trousers closer to him and Teddy.

“Das me, Mama!!! Teddy!” Teddy shrieked whilst trying to finagle her way out of Trent’s hold handing over the copy. She climbed off the couch and stood in front of you two. She reached out with grabby hands and pulled on Trent’s joggers. “Dada go ‘side like in piture. Footie ‘side now, tay?” She incessantly pulled and pulled on the fabric until he finally sat up some more and let go of his hold of you dropping the magazine into your lap, going to live the printed picture in real life.

“Okay, okay! The Teddy Alexander- Arnold wants to play footie with me? I can’t say no to that, can I?” Trent laughed, at her greedy smile pulling himself to get up with another grunt and a kiss to her forehead. “Alright, yeah it’s my day off but yeah, I’ll play footie.” He said more to you then to Teddy. He’d do anything for her. Was he exhausted and not in the mood to chase after your toddler outside in the freezing weather? Most definitely not but he would bundle Teddy up, throw on a pair of trainers and have a little kick about if it made his little girl smile. Every single time.

“Can you imagine if there were two of her.” You giggled watching Teddy pull on Trent’s facial hair as he zipped up her tan Moncler jacket. He removed her hand from his face for her with a laugh.

“Yeah, well then mummy would also have to go outside in the freezing cold because we’d need to have even numbers. 2 v 2. Right, Ted? Would you be on mummy’s team or daddy’s?” Trent asked Teddy.

“Erm… dada.” She was quick with her response gigging cheekily. You rolled your eyes kneeing before she even responded that would be her answer. Trent stayed bent over tying Teddy’s tiny brown Adidas campers that he had gotten her so they could match. If it was possible, in anyway, Teddy wanted to be like Trent. Naturally, Trent was flattered so anytime he got PR or grabbed anything from Adidas or really any brand he’d make sure to ask if they had a size for her. It didn’t bother you the way you thought it might have. Initially after you had Teddy you were so offended by her preference but now if she latched to him and gave you a minute alone it wasn’t always the worst thing. Lately, though you hadn’t really wanted that moment alone. You liked that she was so enamored with him. You definitely understand the attachment but you also knew when it came to certain things she’d quickly drop her daddy’s girl persona and come running to you. Needs her hair done? Mama. Is tired? Mama. A Cuddle? Definitely mama. Is Hungry? Mama. And hungry you knew the two TAA’s in your back garden would be when they came back in. They played for what felt like ages outside in the freezing cold while you got started on dinner. You could hear Teddy’s squeals, giggles, and ‘dada’s’ from inside. You were thrilled knowing that she’d be exhausted after Trent ran her ragged and would fall right to sleep tonight.

When you woke up the following morning Trent was feeling particularly handsy with you. Before you had fully even come to his big hands were kneading your boobs his thumbs lightly brushing over your nipples under the lacey blue pajamas you were in.

“Well good morning to you to baby.” You breathily giggled pushing your ass back into his morning hard on thinly covered by his boxers. You turned around still keeping yourself wrapped in his arms and pushed your nose against his. Trent’s hands drifted down your body to your hips and he pulled you tighter into him.

“Good morning to the sexiest girl in the world. I had a dream about you last night and let me tell you… wow.” He spoke with a morning raspiness in his voice that was unintentionally really turning you on.

“Really? Better than in real life?” You responded back, flickering your eyes between his sleepy brown ones and his perfectly plump lips silently suggesting that you play out whatever happened in his wet dream right now.

“Well…” Trent began speaking and your eyes shot open ready to be offended. “Relax…” he squeezed you. “Hold on, was just trying to say that sometimes I’m not entirely sure I’m not just dreaming every time I’m in bed with you. I don’t think it’s possible for someone to be so good, skin to be this soft,” he dragged his fingers purposefully up and down your side sending a shiver of anticipation up your spine. “ lips be so pillowy, god..” He groaned, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip as his other hand began to wander all over your body with much more intention. “These tits, just there's no way this is real life. You can’t possibly be real.” He rattled on with a more serious tone than you would’ve expected. You thought maybe he would have fallen into a joking manner but Trent was serious. He really felt that way. He was in a trance looking at you this morning.

“Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m only just for you, made for you.” You teased wrapping your hands around the back of his head and gently pulling him into you for a kiss.

“Made for me. Just my real life angel, yeah?” He whispered, ghosting his lips over yours. Your lips falling into open mouth kisses. You moaned into his mouth when one of his hands dropped towards your panty covered pussy. He dragged his finger teasingly over the dampening fabric.

“If I’m your angel, baby then what does that make you?” You asked him almost out of breath pulling away from the vulgar kiss moving your lips and kisses over his jaw and down onto his neck.

“I don’t know but hell, baby you make me want to fucking sin.” Trent groaned as he rolled his head to the side giving you more room to nip away at his sensitive skin. He was in a mood the morning and you were onto it.

“I need you” You murmured against his skin desperately. You could feel your pussy pulsating and growing hot just from his teasing touch. Trent was salivating at the thought of you long before you’d even woken up. You could’ve had some sort of gradual build up or foreplay but you both were too hasty, too eager, you needed each other, you couldn’t wait. He fucked the daylights out of you. Orgasm after orgasm and yet you craved more.

“You’re just insatiable, aren’t you?” Trent smirked at you as he lined his cock up with your sopping wet entrance for round two. The sheets of your bed were practically damp sticking to your skin. You had no idea how long you and Trent had been going at for but you were thanking your lucky stars that Teddy had yet to wake up because you didn’t want this to end.

“I just want more and more of you, baby.” You begged pulling Trent by his hips into you again. He slowly pushed himself into your warm velvety pussy. You wrapped your legs around him greedily. You dragged him into a messy kiss moaning into his mouth when his cock hit deeper inside of you.

“Good, because I can’t get enough. Be a good girl and take all of me.” He pulled away from the kiss and whispered back, a soft smile lining his lips. “Fuck, baby you feel so good.” He muttered out as you did as instructed, taking every inch of him to the hilt. His voice still plagued by a morning raspiness that had you a mess beneath him. Trent bottomed out with a grunt as you clenched around him.

“T…baby.” You whined feeling euphoric in a way that it felt like you were fucking him for the very first time. You’d been so horny for him lately. Your emotions were all over the place. You were sad one minute or stressed the next hour and then happy the following day, it was constantly changing but the one thing that never shook, never faltered and would probably never change was how fucking bad you wanted Trent.he was addicting. He could see the emotions play out on your face; love, lust, pleasure, and your pure vulnerability with him. You’d let him do anything, you trusted his love for you.

“I know, baby. I’m right here. Doing so good f’me.” He whispered, leaning his forehead down against your shoulder. He slid his face up into your neck and placed gentle kisses to your skin as he began to thrust into you, creating the perfect rhythm, the symphony of your moans, his groans, the sound of your skin, pornographic. Both of you were incredibly sensitive after your orgasmic first round. You tightened your pussy’s grip around Trent’s length and he shivered. Your face falling into an ‘o’ as your brows pinched. Something about this felt different. He felt so good despite you being so sore so sensitive. You weren’t sure sex had ever felt this good, you had no idea why, it was a random weekday morning, but you were not complaining. “I know, I know, baby. So good f’me.” Trent continued coaching you through stretching you out more and more as his soft plump lips grazed over your slick skin. He breathed you in with a groan. Your scent drove him crazy. He was so in love with you. Every bit of you. Every feature had him down terribly bad. No amount of time together would ever be enough for either of you. He needed all of you all the time. As desperate as you had been feeling, you had dragged Trent into the depths of the emotion with you and right now you were both benefiting from its repercussions. Your eyes began to water from the pleasurable feeling of his strokes but more so from the eye contact you two were holding, the emotion behind his eyes had you having a hard time swallowing. “I love you so much, baby. I love you. You have no idea, so fucking much.” Trent babbled away getting lost in you, his voice certain in his words. “I love you so much it could kill me.” Trent’s thrust faltered a little. He meant that. You were all consuming to him.

“I love you, T. I love you so much. I couldn’t live without you. I love you, I love you, I… I…” You babbled back to him just the same, lost in your feelings, tears streaming down your face . Your words only halted by the gasp and sudden intake of air you sucked in when Trent’s hand dropped in between you two working his fingers in tight circles over your clit. He was pounding into you aggressively and yet he never felt more loving. He gripped your thigh with his free hand, his fingers digging into the plushness of you pushing it up to your chest. He dropped his face down simultaneously and began to suck on one of your nipples. He was doing so much at once you couldn’t focus. You were completely at his mercy, submissive to any way he folded your body and you loved every single second of it.

“I’m gonna fill you up, baby. I’m gonna cum again. Fuck you feel so good. Can you cum with me?” Trent’s words were muffled by his face buried in your tits. You could barely respond. All you could do was moan and whine out his name. “Hmm? Can you cum f’me?” He asked again as your thighs shook. You weren’t sure how many times you had orgasmed this morning. You nodded pathetically unable to even identify where you were. You were holding it together by the flimsiest of threads. It wasn’t exactly a big ask to let it snap. Your orgasm came before his, crashing over you, your pleasure always his priority. You squirmed under him as you creamed all on his throbbing cock. Trent groaned as you clenched tighter around him. He drew out his high thrusting into you still. He didn’t let you come down, he just layered a secondary orgasm on top of the last. You felt a type of blissful delirium you could never articulate with words, it was indescribably good. Trent let out a filthy groan as he hit his own climax. Your eyes rolled back and your heels dragged down his muscular back as you felt him fill you up as promised, pumping you full. His warm release leaking out between you two still connected. Trent lazily kissed you as he stilled, laying his body weight onto you. If you could, you wished he could just stay inside you forever. It was like this was the safest, most comfortable you could be. It was what you had been craving. Him. You needed him. At the beginning of your relationship with him, day one in fact Trent was adamant telling you that you were his. He’d tell you ‘you’re mine’ on repeat and you had a hard time believing it. How he knew that, thought that so early on. Sometimes you wondered how he had such foresight because right now as he rolled over and pulled you to lay on top of him you stared into your husband’s beautiful mahogany puppy dog eyes that you hard time wrapping your head around that they could also do all the dirty things he had just done with you, you knew he was right from the start. You were his and he was yours. You cupped his cheeks with your hands and rested your slightly slick forehead against his. The glow on your face had Trent pink lips curling into a tired smirk. His hands caressed your bare back up and down your spine with a hum as your erratic breaths slowly began to even out. You ran one hand over his hair and smiled.

“Even after all this time, no matter how many years go by, lifetimes we could live in, it will always be you.” You quietly told him. He hummed and kissed the bridge of your nose.

“In this lifetime and the next and even in my dreams. It’s you.” He hushly spoke with a stoic expression. “I used to build dreams about you. You’ve made my life a dream, baby. I’m not sure I’ve woken up since I met you.” He mused and you felt your heart falter.

“I will always find you, T. In each one, I’m meant to be yours.” You cooed, brushing your nose back and forth over his. “I’ve been missing this…” you sighed. “Missing you so much lately. Sometimes I feel like I was missing you before we even met.” You confessed imagining the same warm honey hue his eyes had on 78th street that they did right now.

“You are mine. My baby, my angel, my pretty girl, my everything, my whole world, my forever. You, Y/N are it.” He kept his eyes fixed on you, confirming his sincerity. He was right, you weren’t sure it was possible to be anything but a dream. This was a love you could only dream of.

“Annnndd she’s ours.” You giggled hearing a stir come from a monitor off on your bedside table. You turned the screen towards you and kissed Trent’s nose.

“I’m holding Teddy, relaxxxx.” Trent laughed as you slipped your hands under his t-shirt running your nails over his abs. He was stood holding your little girl as you stood in your laundry room on a mission to find a very specific shirt that Teddy was very clear she needed to wear today. You followed Trent around all day after that dream like morning sex.

“I can’t stop thinking about this morning.” You whispered behind the shell of his ear, pushing your body into his from behind. He rolled his eyes and moved Teddy from his hip to sit on the machine. He turned and grabbed your face rashly and you giggled uncontrollably when he began to nuzzle himself against your neck, nipping at your skin.

“I will take care of you tonight, alright? Don’t I always?” He cooed to you sliding his big hands over the curve of your ass. You hummed.

“Dada me too!” Teddy without fail felt left out. She saw the beaming smile on your face left by her dad and she was jealous. Trent turned around quickly, letting go of you, completely smitten with him, and scooped Teddy up blowing raspberries against her skin sillily.

“T… baby.” You whined, squeezing him as tight as you could, nuzzling your face into his cotton t-shirt under you. You’d been so clingy to Trent and especially after the type of sex you’d been having lately you were practically glued to him.

“Come gimme a kiss, baby.” Trent cooed as you laid in bed that night. He pulled you tight to him with a kiss to your lips first and then he kissed your temple. You wiggled your body into him to be as physically close as possible. You whined his name hiding your face in his neck. “So needy for me, huh? You promise everything’s okay, sweet girl? You’re making me a little nervous. I'm not gonna lie. I mean you’ve been eating fine I thought. You’ve been doing so well with Ted, you and I’ve been fine but it just feels…” he paused, taking a deep breath not sure how to quite articulate how you’ve been acting and why it was giving him a bit of anxiety without upsetting you. Although to be fair, he had every right to be worried after the year and half you’d had with your health.

“I just… I don’t know. You’re right everything is okay I guess. I just feel really needy like you said. Like I just want to be with you all the time and then today I just felt so nauseous all day. I’ve been waking up so fatigued. Ted has so much more energy now as well and all I want to do is just squish her and hold her with me all day and it’s kind of sad she doesn’t want that anymore. She wants to run and play which is amazing and I’m glad she’s happy and goofy but like I’m tired.” You cooed sadly to Trent wallowing in the fact that your baby girl was getting older whether you liked it or not.

“Baby, she does want that. Ted loves a cuddle with her mummy. She just also wants to learn and explore. It’s good that she’s independent and curious. You know if you really asked her she’d always come and give you a big cuddle and in between those times where maybe she just wants to mess about, you always have me. I’m here. I love a cuddle with mummy.” He kissed your lips gently with a hum. “I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling well, baby. I’ll keep my eye on you, alright? Just tell me whenever you need me. I’m always here for you.” He whispered, keeping his lips tight to you ghosting over yours.

“I know. I love you, T. Can you just hold me all night? I don’t want to be apart.” You asked him fairly sadly, feeling a bit pathetic with yourself. He hummed with his eyes closed pulling you tighter into him. “Thank you. Night, baby.” You kissed his bare chest squishing your face into him. He mumbled a ‘night, beautiful’ into your hair.

“Hey, baby, what are you doing awake so early?” Trent grumbled with a raspy voice sitting himself up in bed moving back to lean onto your headboard seeing you sneak out of the bathroom back towards bed. He frowned at you. You were an early riser but it was really fucking early, this was abnormal. He pulled the blankets down for you to get back in. “Good morning, beautiful girl. How we feeling today?” He cooed more gently watching you cautiously and slowly bring your body back onto the mattress. He pulled you back into him, wrapping you in his warm embrace.

“I’ve gotten sick twice this morning already. I didn’t want to wake you. I think I caught a bug or something.” You pouted nuzzling into Trent. “T, I feel horrible. I feel so sick. Every day I feel like I’ve gotten worse this week. I… I just..” You stuttered, getting your words out and started to cry unable to hold back the emotion. “I can’t keep up with her today. I can’t do it. I feel so exhausted I can’t manage her on my own. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m the worst. It’s my only job and I can’t do it” You started crying more and more, feeling horrible, admitting to the fact that taking care of Teddy seemed like it would be an impossible task.

“Beautiful, you’re doing amazing. You’re such an incredible mum. Baby, this is not your only job, you do so much. Also, this is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It is really hard. Please don’t say you’re sorry to me. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. What can I do?” He spoke gently to you feeling like if he raised his volume even a little above a whisper it would bruise you.

“T… I’m failing.” You croaked out embarrassed by the fear you’d be unable to take care of your daughter today.

“You’re not. Come here, sweetheart. Can you stay in bed for me today? I’ll make Ted breakfast and call my mum. I’ll ask her to take her today. She can handle that very cute bundle of energy. Just take today to rest please. I’ll make sure you’re okay, head to training a little late, and if you need me, even to just get you a tea, you call me and I’ll come right home. If not, then I’ll be home as fast as I can right after training back to my beautiful girl. Hmm?” He cooed and you sighed a sad ‘ok.’ Trent did as he said, he got himself dressed for training, he woke Teddy up, got her changed and downstairs for breakfast, then came knocking at your door a little while later.

“Mummy’s a little sleepy so we have to be quiet, okay?” You could hear Trent whisper to Teddy as they walked into your bedroom. Teddy trailed Trent clinging to his joggers as he carried a water and a cup of tea in his hands for you.

“Baby, how do ya feel?” He spoke softly rubbing his hand over your head after putting the drinks down on your bedside table. You rolled over more onto your side to get a better look at them. You just hummed with a soft smile as Teddy haphazardly climbed up into your bed and squirmed her way into your embrace.

“Mama, morning time. Why still sleepy?” She asked you and you didn’t even have the energy to try to get into your current state so you just kissed her forehead. “Know I lub you most.” She said to you with a dramatic whisper. She was trying hard to whisper the best she knew how but it was more like just speaking more breathy at regular volume.

“I know Ted. Thank you, baby. I love you the most. Mummy’s just a little extra sleepy.” You cooed meekly, kissing her cheek. “You’re going to have such a good day with Nana today though. That’ll be much more fun.” You told her hoping you could convince her that it’d be fun and you knew it would be once she got there. Dianne was amazing with Teddy, of course, but you knew Teddy well enough to know that no matter how fun something like this would be, if there was no mummy or daddy it was going to be a hard sell.

“Want stay with you, tay?” She informed you as anticipated. You gave her a sympathetic grin appreciating how attentive she was to you but you needed her to go to Dianne’s so you mustered all the strength you had to sit up a little in bed. Trent moved quickly to grab Teddy from you and plop her off the bed onto her own two feet. Your weakness and what you assumed to be a run down body was apparent to him.

“No, no, you want to go play and sing and dance, you don’t want to lay with me all day, silly girl. Plus you haven’t gotten to tell Nana all about how well you’ve been taking care of the doggies too, right?” You cooed to her cupping her cheek as she leaned her body goofily onto the bed to stay close to you. She gave you a disappointed nod of the head. Teddy had been taking it upon herself to help out more and more with your two dogs. It was sweet and she was very very proud of herself. It didn’t really relieve any of the actual duties of care from you or Trent but it was cute. “And then when you come home you have to tell me every single fun thing you did with Nana. I want to hear every bit, cute girl.” You smiled at her trying to reinforce the idea that her day would be well worth her going and leaving you.

“Will miss. Mama know I lub, tay?” She told you once more. It was cute. You knew she did but again, getting her to leave you was not an easy task. Frankly, you would have loved to cuddle up with your baby girl all day right now but that is definitely not something she had the attention span for. Your energy levels at the minute couldn’t have been more opposite.

“Okay, baby. I know, I’ll miss you too. Go ahead please. Have fun.” You cooed gently and quietly as you laid back down defeated into your pillow feeling another wave of nausea wash over you again. You had a horrible migraine that not even closing your eyes was making it dark enough for you to feel more at ease. Before Trent went downstairs you scribbled on a post it note in your room and had told him to pack something for Teddy as an aid to get her to be a bit more happy once they got to Diannes.

“Thanks mum for watching her. I told you Y/N thinks she just caught a bug or something. She was up early sick so really appreciate you taking Ted.” Trent spoke to Dianne in the foyer of her house as Teddy clung to his leg in an effort to not let him get to training. He was attempting to drop Teddy off and make it to training on time, to avoid a team fine but Teddy was being stubborn.

“No problem, hun. Everything alright? I haven’t heard that anything is going around.” Dianne brushed her hand over Teddy’s curls but kept her gaze on Trent with a raised brow. Trent gave her a confused look in return not sure what her suspicious face was for. Dianne dropped it though and smiled with a shake of the head. “We’re going to have a fun day, right my Teddy girl? What do you want to do today?” She asked sweetly to Teddy.

“Be with my mama, nana.” Teddy answered her sadly with a signature pout and puppy dog eyes Dianne was now enduring the second generation of. Teddy had inherited Trent’s beautiful face and certainly the same face that had people around them crumbling.

“Oh, I know. Mummy is the best but you’ll see her soon. How about we go play outside, we can watch a movie, we can make you some yummy food.” Dianne paused seeing Teddy’s face unchanged. Nothing she offered her was going to be better than being with you but she’d try one last effort she knew was Teddy’s latest fixation “We can color.” She drew out the word with a smile, squinting her eyes a little seeing Teddy’s face immediately respond to the option.

“Oh I know that look… I think you heard something you like, huh?” Trent cooed, coming to squat down next to Teddy, their faces now level. Teddy loved coloring and she was getting better and better at it. ‘Better’ is subjective but her progress had Trent singing her praises and she was eating it up. It was a nice activity for her and you liked how careful she was with all the markers and supplies you’d get her. She took care of it all and put everything back neatly. Trent said it was bizarre but you loved that she inherited a sense of organization and meticulousness from you. It was adorable. “Did you check in your bag we brought yet? I think there’s something special in there” He asked her as he reached behind him to grab her pink Stoney Clover backpack with her own ‘TAA’ initials on it and bring it towards them. She unzipped it slowly not understanding that this was something to be excited about. But there it was inside, a brand new pack of markers you had gotten for her, you had planned to give her at some point but no time like the present. Trent had stuck the post it note you’d written on to the packaging.

‘Show Nana how well you color, my Teddy bear. I love you so so much. Love mummy xx’

“Wow Teddy! Your mummy must love you so much! I think we should color today then if mummy gave those to you.” Dianne cooed excitedly watching Teddy’s smile grow and grow on her face and her eyes go wide, absolutely gassed about the markers.

“C’mere baby. Let’s read what mummy wrote on this little note for you.” Trent pulled Teddy into him and held the sticky note in front of them and helped her work through the worlds, essentially just Trent reading to her. When they finished, Teddy giggled and hugged the pack of markers to her chest. “Aw baby, you’re so excited. So you have to do what mummy said, yeah? Gonna show Nana how good you are at coloring with your new markers?” Trent cooed before kissing her cheek. Teddy nodded and for the first time since they entered the house took steps away from Trent. They said goodbye and Teddy took off to a little table and chairs for toddlers Dianne had at her house for her. Teddy knew exactly where it was and she couldn’t wait any longer to get there.

Trent drove home after a long fairly thought provoking training session. All day at AXA he couldn’t shake the thought of his mum’s questioning look when he said you were sick. As he was stopped at the traffic light before he entered your neighborhood, the possibility smacked him in the face. He gasped and leant his head back onto the headrest of his seat in the car, eyes wide. Trent puffed out some air and shook his head with a stupid grin. He couldn’t wait to get home.

“Beautiful, can I ask you something and please don’t take it the wrong way.” Trent asked you about an hour after he’d gotten home. He had checked in and made sure you were okay before he began his probe. You hummed not thinking about anything other than how shitty you felt today. “Ermm…” Trent paused, getting a little nervous to ask his question, beginning to second guess himself but he mustered up the courage after he took a deep breath and looked at you. He looked deep in your eyes and he sighed. He knew you. He knew you so well, he couldn’t be wrong. “When was the last time you got your period?” He asked you and you tilted your head confused and then you felt your stomach sink.

“Oh my fucking god…” You gasped and felt your soul just about leave your body. You were not being careful in the slightest in bed but it wasn’t like you’d been actively trying. You were more shocked that you hadn’t thought about this possibility though. You couldn’t help it, you just started balling your eyes out. Your tears felt like they were just endlessly flowing.”I… I… I can’t be. No.” You stuttered out the words. Trent was a little confused because, just as well as he knew you, he could tell these were not tears of joy or excitement, this was fear. Your emotions were all over the map lately and uncontrollable, it should’ve been obvious.

“Baby… Are you okay? C’mere please.” Trent sat down on the bed and pulled you into his embrace. He was holding your body up for you. You were in a completely blanked state. You couldn’t think. “Let’s just take a test alright? Let’s find out. It could just be a bug, I could be wrong. You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” Trent tried to comfort you.

“I can’t know…” You muttered out. You felt the words leave your mouth and you knew that wasn’t possible so you sighed. You squeezed Trent. “Can you come with me?” You looked up at him with teary eyes, water clumping in your eyelashes. Your bottom lip rolled into a quivering pout.

“Yeah, baby, of course. I’ll be there the whole time.” Trent cooed and helped you up from the bed. You had a few extra pregnancy tests in the cupboard of the bathroom stashed away for a situation like this but you kind of thought you’d be more prepared to take them when the time came. Trent got one out for you and handed it to you. When you took it he grabbed your hand and pulled it to him. He kissed your hand. “Whatever, absolutely whatever any test says. I love you and you will be okay.”

“Can you turn around?” You mumbled out embarrassed. Trent gave you a cheeky smirk silently saying ‘really, baby… I’ve seen you in labor. I don’t think you peeing is going to be all that big of a deal.’ It lightened your stone heart momentarily but when he did what you asked and turned around, you lost eye contact with his support and your heart hardened again. The thing was it’s not that you were massively opposed to another baby, it just was so overwhelming. There were a lot of factors at play. You were so stressed by how you would manage two babies so little when Trent had to be away for football. Today you couldn’t even get out of bed. What would happen if you had two babies and he was out of the country? Another reason, god, what if a postpartum depression came back worse this time around. Last time you were borderline suicidal.

“T, baby, I can’t… I’m sorry I’m so scared.” Tears began to fill your lash line again you stood up and Trent turned around. You placed the cap back onto the test and hugged Trent. In a backwards way his comfort triggered your tears to begin to fall again more rapidly.

“My beautiful girl, put this here.” He grabbed the test and put it on your sink counter. “You, my amazing wife, Teddy’s amazing mummy, you come with me. I got the timer. All you need to do is come and give me the best cuddle you’ve ever given me in your whole life, okay?” He moved you to come lay on top of your bed and pulled you into his embrace. He held you securely but gently whispering ‘I love you’ on repeat again and again quietly into your hair. After the alotted 5 minutes or so the sound of the alarm blaring from Trent's phone made you jump, wince, and your heart stop all at once. You were about to find out if you’d be a family of 4 and you also felt like you were about to be sick..

“Can you look? Sorry I’m being such a… I don't know I’m such a mess. I’m sorry baby.” You mumbled into his cotton t-shirt that you had now soaked with your tears.

“Baby shhh. Shhh, okay? You stay right here. I will go get it. Just you stay here and be my beautiful dream girl.” Trent let go of you and you felt like you could cry more just losing his comforting hold momentarily. He picked up the test in the ensuite and stifled his gasp. His smile was massive but he shook it off his face and looked down at a very clear positive pregnancy test. He came back into the room and he had a smile you usually hated to see one that was sympathetic and a little sad. “Y/N…” He whispered, stroking his hand over your head. “You’re pregnant. It says we’re pregnant. It’s positive, baby.” As the words rolled off his tongue Trent couldn’t suppress the smile he really felt. He was beaming, ecstatic but as you heard the words fall out his mouth you felt sick.

“Oh…” You sighed with disappointment in your voice. “Oh my god. Look how happy you are. I should be. I’m the worst fucking mum in the world. Fuck. I’m so sorry.” You looked up at Trent with swollen red eyes from all your tears. “T…How did you know?” You croaked out curious what made him think of this when you hadn’t. You felt so stupid honesty. How could you not see it. You were beating yourself up internally.

“Don’t know, baby. Just instinct. I think I know you pretty well.” He laughed shyly, running his hand behind his neck. “You were so cuddly and getting sick and It just felt like last time a little bit and baby… we…” Trent started to laugh with a gentle smile coming to give you a cuddle. “We fuck a lot.” He continued his laugh. You couldn’t help but at least crack a small smile.

“I guess better than I know myself.” You sighed realizing that Trent probably did know you better than you knew yourself. “T… it’s just… I just got my body back to a place I wasn't grossed out by.” You whimpered pushing your face into his chest upset by the idea of going through the lovely bodily changes of pregnancy again. You’d been working so hard in the gym to get fit and with your care team to get healthy.

“Baby, we’ll do whatever you need.” Trent unexpectedly told you. He was calm with his words but the sentiment was kind of insane. You wouldn’t dream of not having this baby because of something so selfish like appearance. Trent didn’t see it as selfish he saw it as your mental wellbeing. But you thought you wanted babies with Trent, plural.

“T, stop.. it’s not just my decision.” You lashed out at him pulling yourself off him in a flustered state. You felt your tears fill your eyes again. You pulled your legs up onto the bed and wrapped your arms around them, pulling your knees tight to your chest.

“I know, I know but baby we’re going to do what’s best for you though.” Trent sighed, rubbing his hand over your smooth leg. He meant it. He did. He wanted to do what was best for you but the thought of getting pregnant and then deciding not to go through with it made him a little sick.

“I need a minute alone.” You snapped standing up prioritizing your own feelings, unable to look at him. You knew the expression you could imagine was on his face would be heartbreaking. It was a really emotionally conflicting thing. He tried to call out to you but knew better and just let you go. You locked the door of the en suite and slid down the back of it, seating yourself on the floor. You cried and cried raking your brain if you were ready for this. Were you an okay mum? Would you be disappointing Trent if you decided not to have another baby? Would you be doing a disservice to this unborn baby by having him or her? You were terrified of falling back into a depressive state but as you rested your forehead onto your knees in front of you, you clocked a tiny silver frame on the marble countertop above you out of the corner of your eye. You sighed seeing matching toothy grins of the two people you loved more than anything in the world. More than yourself. You could almost hear the photo of Trent telling Teddy to say cheese. Her babbling out her attempt, something like a ‘cheebs.’ You kept crying but not because you were questioning yourself, or your abilities but because of how in love you were with being a mum, having this family. Your family was everything to you, the three of you and now the possibility of a fourth didn’t sound so bad. Another cute voice learning to ‘cheese’ in photos with the best husband and dad in the world, the love of your life didn’t sound so bad. It took you a bit of time but you eventually pulled it together.

“T…” you whispered coming back into the bedroom. You sighed and ran your hands over your face feeling guilty inspecting Trent’s body language. He was more upset than you anticipated. He wasn’t pouting intentionally, he just really wanted this. This was the best news ever for him but he was trying to talk himself down and to the fact you might want to get rid of the pregnancy. “I want this…” you cooed hugging him from behind as he laid curled up on the bed.

“C’mere, baby.” You could audibly hear him let out a deep breath. He turned to face you and pulled you tight into an embrace, tucking your head under his chin. “If you…” he began to talk.

“I want this, okay? This baby… I do.” You interrupted him, stopping what he was going to tell you, clarifying that you were certain about this.

“If it’s not the right time for us or it’s too much.” Trent was persistent with his thoughts. He kissed your head trying to tell you that no matter what he’d be there but it was breaking his heart and you could hear it in his voice.

“Stop… I really do.” You pulled your head out from against him to look him in the eyes. You were serious. You wouldn’t change your mind. You wanted a second baby.

“Yeah? You’re sure you can? You can’t do this for me.” He haphazardly got the words out not sure how to express what he was feeling. The last thing Trent wanted to do was put pressure on you.

“It’s not for you. It’s for us.” You hummed with a soft smile. Your lips began to curl more and more. Both you and Trent could feel the tension in the room evaporating. He gave you a questioning look silently so you spoke again. “I always thought we’d have like multiple kids. I don’t know. Right? Wasn’t that what we wanted?” You giggled a little trying to recall the exact plans or discussions you had had in the past. It all felt a little blurry thought. “Like not in a weird way but don’t you think it’d be silly for us to not at least try for a boy.” You smiled at him imagining a little boy.

“I think it’ll be another girl but I get your sentiment. C’mere, baby. I love you so much.” Trent cupped your face and gently pulled you into a kiss that felt like heaven. It felt like relief. You smiled into it, starting to laugh imagining another baby in the house. “Let’s have Ted sleep at my mum’s. Just need to be with my favorite girl tonight.” Trent cooed and although you wanted to correct him with a tease telling him you knew Teddy had replaced you as favorite you just hummed. “Baby… I’m really really happy. I love being a dad. I love our family.” Trent whispered into your hair kissing your head a few times.

“You’re the best daddy. Just the best, baby. It looks good on you too.” You giggled a little more picturing how good he looked carrying Teddy around, you assumed a second would only double the attraction. You were only able to kiss at his neck from your close proximity and his hold of you, limiting any movement. “T… I’m a little scared though.” You got out the obvious fear you were harboring after a couple quiet minutes embraced in a hug.

“I know, beautiful. You can be scared but you got me the whole way. You’re so strong. You can do this.” Trent tried to put you at ease with encouragement.

“Are you excited?” You meekly and sheepishly asked him, trying to divert from a more serious conversation and confessional about your fears. You could guess the answer but you wanted to hear him say it.

“I am gassed right now, seriously? Creating a life with you, having a family? It’s an absolute dream.” Trent looked at you confused with a furrowed brow. How could you not know that he thought that.

“You’re such a good daddy.” You sighed hugging him. You breathed him in. His scent wrapped around you, calming all your fears by just simply being there with you.

“Think I do okay?” He asked you with a bit of smugness in his tone. You smiled with your face still hidden pressed against his neck. You loved Trent’s cheek.

“Yeah, really the best. Ted… and I guess this little baby here are so lucky.” You cooed, moving your hand to your still flat stomach. Trent let his eyes flutter closed and moved his hand to lay over top of yours. He kissed your forehead as a silent ‘thank you.’ He could never properly thank you for giving him a family of his dreams but you were just the same. There were no words.

Trent was fucking beaming when he picked up Teddy from Dianne’s the next day. Call it a mother’s intuition but Dianne knew something was up. She easily put two and two together but bit her tongue letting you two have your privacy. You had called your doctors and made the appointment to find out for real how far along you might’ve been. Like Trent said, you had sex a lot you had no idea when this could’ve happened.

“I missed you baby bear. You had so much fun with Nana huh?” Trent cooed to Teddy looking through his rearview mirror back to her tucked in her carseat in his big car.

“Told dada.” She quipped fairly sassily. Teddy inheriting Trent’s own personality traits was biting him in the ass. His eyes widened.

“Well, I know but I’m just asking sheesh, Ted. Are you going to give Mama your pretty drawing when we get back home? She’ll be so happy to see you. I know she’ll love it” Trent continued on. When Dianne had handed over all of Teddy’s things from her impromptu sleepover to Trent she had to make sure, per Teddy’s instructions, that her artwork she’d made was kept nice and safe because it had to get to it’s recipient, you, safely. You had a museum full of Teddy drawings, each one priceless… to you. Likes squiggles on a paper to a stranger.

“Yeah huh, for my mama.” She mumbled getting distracted fixating on the little tray of her car seat filled with cheerios just moving them around. She had complained that she was hungry and couldn’t wait till she got home but evidently not enough to eat said cereal. Trent winced every time he heard Teddy crumble one up littering his car with crumbs. Anyone else… he’d be fuming.

“We’re gonna stop at the shop first, okays?” Trent told Teddy. She just gave him a ‘tay’ as expected. Trent parked his car in your local town shopping center ahead of getting back home because he wanted to get you some flowers. He held Teddy’s hand as they fumbled around the florist letting her decide the color of flowers. He knew chrysanthemums weren’t your favorite flower but Teddy was adamant that you would like the pink color which she was sort of right. In her defense, she did have the experience Trent did. She hadn’t been buying you flowers just about every month for the past 5 plus years.

“You know what, Ted? You get mummy the pink flowers, okay? And dada will get her white ones.” Trent decided two bouquets would work then, one from your babies, Teddy and your new addition, and one from your baby, Trent.

“Tay, mama like pink doe.” Teddy stayed set on the fact that you’d want the pink and Trent was wrong. It was a battle of two of the same people. Neither would concede but Trent realized he was in his mid twenties and Teddy hadn’t even hit three, so he compromised despite a tinge of confidence that he knew you liked the bouquets he usually got for you, luxurious, lavish, chic. Teddy did have the advantage of her handing over her pink cute flowers with chubby cheeks raised in a smile indented with dimples. To be fair though Trent had those dimples too. As they left the shop walking to the car two excited young men stopped them asking for a selfie with Trent. Trent was hesitant, shy, and protective of Teddy, moving his hand to her back pushing her to him but of course he obliged. “Yeah, no worries mate.” Trent ushered the kids away from him after they got the photo as Teddy stood wrapped around his leg swinging her tiny body back and forth impatiently.

“Dada, how come piture?” Teddy asked inquisitively, confused why people were stopping her daddy in the car park.

“Erm… they just know daddy from footie.” Trent answered her as simply as possible. She gave him a ponderous ‘oh’ and then went quiet as he put her into her car seat.

“Why?” Teddy pipped up again, still pressed about what just happened. You had officially entered the ‘why’ stage of toddlerhood.

“You know when you watch daddy at Anfield or when you and mummy watch the matches on the telly?” Trent cooed gently pushing a fallen curl behind her ear. “They like the way daddy plays the game so they watch dada on tv too.” Trent further elaborated for her.

“Ohs cause my dada bests.” She adorably tacked on to his explanation. Trent hummed in agreement with a soft smile. “But, dada…” Teddy cooed, continuing her thought looking to Trent who was getting into the drivers side. “Mine and mama’s, tay?” She spoke up, wanting to just cement and confirm that those guys could appreciate Trent and take a photo but Trent was in fact hers.

“Yeah, course. Only yours, baby bear.” Trent smiled back at her, kissing his hand and pressing it to her little legs dangling in her seat. He liked her possessiveness over him. “Let's go give mama her flowers and your drawing.” he cooed with a smile and a wink back in the mirror to her.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 29 xx

[guitarstringed-scars]

the ravens eye diner- hajime iwazumi

masterlist

cinnamon roll (extra frosting)

she is going to be the death of him. hajime lays staring at the ceiling of his room, phone thrown to the side. he is blushing at a text message, and is thankful that none of his friends can see him in this state. he decides he needs to make a move. not through oikawa, but on his own. he can totally do it. he’ll just show up at the diner tomorrow morning and ask you out. straight up.

so he does. hajime wakes up at 6:15, gets dressed in clothes maybe a bit nicer than usual, and heads out. he decides to walk today, because he doesn’t want to be all sweaty and gross. he strolls to the little diner, which he has quickly grown to love, swings open the door, and is greeted by hitoka, like usual.

“good morning!” he greets, abnormally happy.

hitoka looks a bit frightened as she greets him and leads him to his usual table.

for once, he actually looks at the menu. he’s so interested in it that he doesn’t immediately notice you approaching his table.

“hi.” you say, setting a mug on his table.

he looks down, it’s a black coffee.

“sorry, i just assumed you’d probably want one.” you say smiling.

“you’d be right. i’d also like a cinnamon roll though.”

“oo, switching it up! do you like frosting?” you ask, scribbling it down in your notebook. ”who doesn’t?”

“alright then, cinnamon roll with extra frosting,” you smile. “and a black coffee.”

“thank you.” he says as you walk away.

okay hajime. you got this, he thinks. you just have to ask her out when she comes back with the cinnamon roll.

a few minutes pass, and you return with a ginormous cinnamon roll, a huge mound of frosting on top.

“anything else i can do for you?” you ask, setting the blue plate in front of him.

“uhm. well, i was wondering if you would maybe want to get dinner tonight? with me. like a date. if that’s weird or i made you uncomfortable i’m really sorry and-” you cut him off.

“i’d really like that. one condition though.” he sighs, relived you agreed.

“what is it?” he asks.

“we have to go somewhere other than this restaurant.”

he laughs.

“of course. i’ll text you later about it.”

“sounds good hajime. i’ll be back with a refill on your coffee in a bit.” you quickly rush to the back of the restaurant.

“alisa you would not believe what just happened.” you say, slamming your notebook on the metal counter. ”table one asked you on a date?” she says, not even looking up from the silverware shes rolling. you frown.

“you weren’t supposed to guess it so quick.”

“wait really?” she exclaims, turning to you.

“yes!”

she starts to squeal and rushes over to you.

“this is so exciting, when are you going?” she asks, jumping up and down.

“tonight, after i get off.” you say, checking the time on the wall clock. “which is 5 hours from now.”

“5 hours isn’t really that long.” alisa says. “it’ll go quick!”

it doesn’t. hajime leaves the diner with a smile about 20 minutes after you refill his cup.

the diner is busy today, but not the kind of busy where time goes by quickly, just the kind of busy where you are stressed out, and rushing around. but even though time feels like its moving at a snails pace, you don’t feel too upset. at least you have something, or someone, to look forward to seeing at the end of your shift.

“whats got you in such a good mood?” tendo asks, leaning out of the kitchen window.

“shes got a hot date with a regular after this.” semi chimes in as he rings up his order.

“semi.” you say, elbowing him in the side. “it doesn’t need to be everyones business.”

he laughs.

“word moves quick in the restaurant business.” he says.

“you talk like you’ve worked here for 50 years.” you say, doodling on your notepad.

“sure feels like it. hey, will you pick up my shift next friday? i’ve got a show i wanna go see.”

“ugh, fine. only because i’m in desperate need of money.” you say.

“yeah, money to spoil your new boyfriend with.” he says, walking away. you throw your pen at the back of his head, but unfortunately miss.

when you are finally off, you punch out, and rush back home. you quickly shower, washing the restaurant smell off of you, and change into nicer, non-coffee stained clothes. hajime arrives a few minutes later.

“hi.” he stands in your doorway, flowers in hand.

“hi. those are beautiful.” you say, acknowleding the bouquet. ”you’re beautiful.” he says, looking a little distant.

“smooth.” you say, raising your eyebrows and stepping out of your apartment, locking the door behind you. “so, where are we headed?” you ask as you fall into step next to the tall man.

“there’s a pretty nice restaurant nearby that my roommates and i go to sometimes.” he says, leading you to his car. he opens up the car door for you, and crosses in front of the vehicle, getting into the seat beside you. ”sounds good to me.” you say.

the car ride is filed with conversation about your schoolwork, you find out he’s a sports medicine major. hajime learns that you like your coffee with cream and sugar. he learns your favorite color, and your last name too. the freckle question may have to remain unanswered.

once you reach the restaurant, hajime holds open the door for you. the two of you are seated at a table in the back corner. ”what do you think those people are doing?” you say quietly, nodding your head towards a group of 3 people gathered at a table nearby.

“probably secret spies.” he says, taking a bite of his food. “are you big on people watching?”

“i love it. it’s the best part of being a waitress. i love to make stories up about all the people who come in.” you say.

“oh yeah? what’d you make up about me?” he asks.

you think for a moment.

“i made up that you were a criminal on the run.” you say, looking him directly in the eyes. he chokes a bit.

“did you actually?” he says, cheeks tinted a light pink.

“no,” you laugh. “but you should’ve totally seen your face right now.”

“you’re evil.” he doesn’t mean it. he can’t stop smiling.

“does that mean i won’t get a second date?” you frown.

“no defiantly not. i’d take you on as many dates as you wanted.” he says, staring down at the bowl in front of him.

“i have a question.” you say.

“shoot.”

“do you drink anything other than black coffee?” ”i’m drinking water right now.” he says, gesturing to the glass next to him.

“doesn’t count.” you say. “i just don’t even think the coffee at the ravens eye is that good.”

“it’s not.” he admits.

“then why do you drink it every time?” you ask, head cocked to the side.

“you can’t laugh.” he says, red faced.

“why would i laugh?”

“because it’s embarrassing.”

“i wont laugh hajime, come on!” you plead. he loves the way you say his name.

“it’s because ……to……cool.” he’s mumbling and looking down, so you only catch a few of his words.

“what? i can’t hear you.” you say, leaning in closer to him.

“it’s because i wanted you to think i was cool.” he says, looking up at you. ”i already think you’re cool hajime.” you smile.

“i already think you’re cool too.” he says.

hajime pays the bill, and then the two of you decide a walk is your next plan. as you stroll though the dark city, the conversation never lulls. the sounds of cars whirring past remind hajime of the coffee machine, and he’s ever so grateful his routine got messed up, because he met you.

hajime thinks you are absolutely electrifying. the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you smile, the way you are leading him through the city.

the two of you eventually reach the entrance to a park, and with a sudden rush of courage, hajime reaches his hand over to yours, intertwining your fingers with his.

“smooth again.” you say, laughing ever so slightly.

your pair reaches a fountain, and you begin to rummage through your bag, eventually pulling out two coins. you seperate your hand from hajimes, but hold the back of his, placing one of the coins into his palm.

you toss the coin in your hand into the water, and then turn to hajime.

“make a wish.” you say, slightly under your breath.

he thinks.

“how big can the wish be?” he asks.

“something small, you’d need more coins for a big wish.” you say, still admiring the water.

“the wish economy is very messed up.” he says, still admiring you.

he tosses in the coin, watching it hit the surface of the water.

“what’d you wish for?” you ask, finally looking at him.

“aren’t you supposed to keep it a secret?” he says. “or else it won’t come true.”

“i won’t tell anyone you told me.” you say.

hajime takes a deep breath.

“i wished to kiss you.” he says, voice a little shaky.

you smile.

“well, do it then.” you challenge.

hajime takes a step closer to you. he brushes a piece of hair behind your ear, places a hand on your waist.

“are you sure?” he asks. you laugh, and crash your lips against his. hajime can feel you smiling into the kiss, and can’t help but smile himself. you place one hand on his shoulder and the other on the side of his face. your hand feels warm against the cool night air.

when he pulls apart, he places his forehead against yours.

“what’d you wish for?” he asks. ”a second date.” you laugh.

“i can grant that.” he says.

“how about a third?” you ask.

“you’ll need another coin for that.”

you laugh and kiss him again, and hajime feels like floating.

𖦹₊⊹fun facts⊹₊𖦹

-hajime changed his wish to something smaller

-his wish was gonna be to stay with you forever so he's a little glad he chnaged it cause that seems a little intense for a first date

-still meant it though

-more to come for mr. iwazumi

a/n: this is technically it for hajimes part, but i'm going to go back through and write more for him because i think he's so cute. so that'll come once i finish a few more characters!

taglist: @wyrcan @nbcvs @froyaoya @mylahrins @wizardhore

@chloiyoomi @causenessus @bubooo @lvtilzs @nishayuro

@diorzs @19calicos @seookki @chososcamgirl

[ficsilike-reblogged]

A Lonely Heaven

Summary: The five times Robert gave you something and the one time he took. Pairing: Soft Dark!Robert Fischer/F!Reader Word Count: 7.2k A/N: Written for Day Three’s prompt from the Haunted Hoedown Challenge Hosted by inklore and psychedelic-ink. Today’s prompt was “inspired by your favorite Lana del Rey song + yandere.” The song I chose was “Say Yes to Heaven.” I hope you enjoy! Warnings: Gaslighting, isolation, drugging, kidnapping, general unhinged behavior, smut (unprotected sex, female receiving oral, fingering), reader calls him Bobby for reasons, minor character death (not described) ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS ALLOWED

Robert just needed a minute. Just a minute to breathe before the next meeting with men and women he’d rather never see again. But he was heir to the empire. He had a reputation to uphold and a company to run.

But still, he just needed a moment.

He slipped into the blessedly empty break room just down the hall and stared at the coffee maker for a moment. He didn’t need coffee. He didn’t need anything that the break room could provide except silence-

“Hey, I’m sorry, can I get to the coffee? If I don’t get my boss a refill, I’m fired.”

Robert turned at the sound of soft if not frazzled voice and saw you. He expected to see you flinch at the sight of him before apologizing—most people did when they spotted him. But not you. There wasn’t an ounce of recognition on your face.

You didn’t know who he was.

Robert stepped out of the way with an apology of his own and you were quick to fill up an abnormally large coffee cup with a faded company logo on the side. You also dumped three things of creamer into it and half a packet—exactly—of sugar. Robert must have been staring because you glanced at him over your shoulder with a small smile. “First day?”

“No. But I don’t think I’ve been in this particular break room before.” It was technically not a lie. He only knew of the room’s existence because he’d been shuffled by it each time he had a meeting in the conference room down the hall. He didn’t have to come in here. People brought him coffee. He didn’t get it himself.

You nodded. “I prefer the one on 12. They have better snacks.” You paused, drumming your fingers against the mug. “You look a little out of it. You okay?”

That was probably the first time this year that someone had asked about him. It was just a simple thing, really. “I’m fine. Thank you.” Your head cocked to the side, like you didn’t believe him but you still held your hand out to him with an offer of your name. Despite the coffee you held, your hand was cold as Robert took it. “I’m Robert.”

Your answering smile twisted behind his ribs. “Anyone ever call you ‘Bobby?’”

A sharp laugh punched out of him and he watched your smile widen. “No. No, never.”

“Well, if I ever see you again, we’ll have to try it out.” Again, you drummed your fingers on the mug. “It was nice to meet you. I hope your day gets better.” Then you were gone and Robert watched your hips sway until you disappeared, unknowingly taking his heart with you.

**1**

You hadn’t been the most sociable person when you took the job at Fischer Morrow. Actually, you could count the friends you’d made on two pathetic fingers and even then you knew they were hardly more than casual acquaintances. Moving to Australia was supposed to be a new start but instead it was the loneliness you had been running from compounded. Sure, you were paid decently. Your apartment was fine. But your boss was a dick and you weren’t even using your degree to fetch coffee and answer a phone.

God, you were lonely.

You picked at your sandwich as you sat in the park just on the opposite side of the street from Fischer Morrow’s building. There was a couple playing with their son under the shade of the tree. There was a small gaggle of women from the accounting department walking together around the perimeter, having traded their sensible heels for trainers. Then there was a small group of teenagers, probably skipping school, a little further into the park. They all looked happy and you continued to pick at your sandwich until it was just a mangle of bread, tomato, and cheese.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

Your head snapped to the side to see Robert standing at the edge of the bench you occupied, holding a small paper bag. “O-of course! Please do!” You hadn’t seen him in weeks. Of course, it was an absurdly large building with a matching number of employees. It shouldn’t have been surprising that you didn’t see him again. But you had kept his pretty blue eyes and sharp features in the back of your mind anyway. Your lonely heart leapt when he settled beside you.

“Haven’t seen you in awhile,” he started, pulling a sandwich of his own from the bag.

“They keep me busy. And you? Did you find the good snacks on twelve?” You winced as soon as you asked. Your conversation skills were abysmal. It was honestly surprising that he wanted to sit anywhere near you after your awkward conversation weeks prior but you weren’t about to tell him to go away.

He nodded with a smile. “Yeah, thanks for the tip.”

You smiled, too, but it felt a little stilted and you turned your attention back to your mangled sandwich.

“You’re in IT, aren’t you?”

Your fingers stalled their shredding and you glanced at Robert for a moment. “What gave it away? Most people think I’m in Logistics.”

Robert shrugged but his smile remained. “Do you like what you do?”

You snorted and popped a bit of your sandwich into your mouth. “I got this job because I have a masters degree in my field and I’m fetching coffee and answering phones like a secretary. But it’s fine. It pays the bills.” You grimaced as soon as you finished. You never knew how to say the right thing; it was why you preferred staying quiet. You should know better than to sound ungrateful. “But, um, what about you? Do you like what you do?”

“It pays the bills.”

“What department are you in, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Robert’s sandwich froze just in front of his mouth before he cleared his throat. “I work for the Board.” He then quickly stuffed his sandwich into his mouth.

“Oh, you poor soul. That’s got to be so stressful. No wonder you looked so out of it when we met.” Then it was your turn to freeze again. “That was so rude, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, no it’s all right. It isn’t great, you’re right. But I’m thankful for it anyway.” He was quiet again as he took another bite and you felt a tiny bit of tension slip from your shoulders. Maybe he was as lonely as you were. “Who’s your supervisor?”

“It’s Reynolds. Why?”

“No reason. He’s the guy with the,” he waved a hand at his neck, “right?”

“Neckbeard. Yeah. That’s him. Very particular about his coffee.”

Robert hummed but didn’t say anything else for a stretched moment. Perhaps he liked the quiet like you, too. “You think they’re skipping class?” He asked, tipping his head toward the teenagers.

You laughed. A big belly laugh. That wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. “Oh, definitely.” And the conversation was easier from that point on. You spoke about your favorite cafe downtown and he suggested a running path he was fond of along the coast after you mentioned that your “favorite” treadmill at your gym broke. Was it earth shattering conversation? No. But it lessened the ache in your chest.

As you packed up your lunches, noting the time and how your lunch hour was nearing its end, Robert turned to you with a small smile on his face. “You know, last time we talked you said something to me.”

You squinted at him, as if that would help you remember, and it did, washing over you with a fresh mortification. “Oh no.”

“I was hoping you’d actually try it out. See if I like it.”

You were about to broil in your skin. You were sure of it. “It was a joke.” (It wasn’t.)

Robert’s obscenely blue eyes didn’t leave your face and he smiled. “Try it anyway.”

You rolled your lips into your mouth for a moment before saying, “thank you for spending lunch with me, Bobby.”

His smile widened a fraction. “I think I like it.”

“Then I’ll keep saying it, if we see each other again.”

His head tilted to the side just the slightest bit and the new angle had the sharp planes of his cheeks growing dark shadows. “We will.” It sounded like a promise before you parted ways as you neared the lobby.

You had a smile on your face for the rest of the day, even when Reynolds berated you about putting too much sugar in his coffee. You didn’t care. Why? Because maybe you made a friend.

Your smile only faltered when you were called into HR the following morning. Had you done something wrong? Had Reynolds really reported you for getting his coffee wrong? But the smile came roaring back when the stern looking man on the other side of the desk said, “Reynolds is no longer with Fischer Morrow. I’m officially offering you his position. We can discuss salary and benefits, of course. And…”

The rest of the conversation was a dull roar in your ears. Of course you would take the position. You couldn’t wait to tell Bobby.

**2**

“I like the new office.”

You leaned to the side, tearing your gaze away from your computer screen, just enough to see Bobby walk into your office with something tucked beneath his arm. You were quick to stand and welcome him in before glancing at the clock and gasping. “It is nearly midnight! What’re you still doing here?”

His dark brow arched as he moved you both further into your office with a hand on your lower back. “I could ask you the same thing, you know.”

You chuckled nervously, wiping a hand over your mouth. “Um, well, with the reshuffling of the department, some of the tickets fell through the cracks. I’m just making sure no one down here gets in trouble right when I’ve taken this job. Wouldn’t be a good look.” You leaned against the leather couch as he looked around your office. It was nice, truly. You could see your park out of the window and you had enough room to hang a white board so you could work through problems on your own, too. But it had taken a week for you to get moved in after your impromptu promotion and were still getting settled. It was surprising that Bobby knew about your new office at all but you weren’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe he learned about it from the board meetings he had to sit in on.

He held out what was in his hand and you gasped when you realized that it was a bottle of exceedingly expensive champagne. “It is just a little something to say congratulations on the promotion.”

That single bottle could pay for several months of your rent. “Oh, this is too much, I couldn’t-”

But he still pushed it into your grasp with a shake of his head. “I insist. You’ve more than earned it and you’re obviously taking your new duties seriously.”

You turned the heavy bottle over in your hand as you bit your lip. “Well, if you insist.”

“I do,” he said with another smile.

“Then I must insist that you share a glass with me. Deal?”

There was something in Robert’s gaze that had you nearly shivering. It was too heated, too calculating. But as soon as you saw it, it was gone and he was smiling again. “Deal.”

You handed the bottle back to him. “Can you open it for me? I’ll grab glasses from the break room.”

You heard the pop of the bottle as you hurried down the hall. When you found no clean glasses, you settled for two mugs and hoped that you wouldn’t offend him with the choice. And it seemed that your trepidation was unfounded because he laughed as he spotted them and then poured you both a large serving. He held out his mug toward you. “Cheers, to you and your new job.”

“Cheers!” You clinked your mug against his with a laugh before taking a sip. The champagne tasted expensive and bubbled all the way down. You had to “Thank you so much. This was really kind of you, Bobby.”

He waved it away. “I’m sorry I didn’t manage to swing by earlier.”

“No need to apologize,” you said after taking another sip. “I know the big wigs keep you busy. I think you’re the only person who has actually congratulated me, anyway. So, this means a lot. Thank you, truly.”

He looked at you over the edge of his mug as he took a sip, too. “Well, they don’t know what they’re missing.”

You bit your lip–a terrible habit you were only now realizing how often you did it around him. “I kinda like it just being us anyway. I get nervous around too many people.”

“I don’t mind not sharing you.”

You laughed.

**3**

It was a little strange, how long it took you to realize that you only saw Bobby while you were alone at work. It was like he only appeared when everyone else was gone for the day or you were in your little corner of the park for lunch. You didn’t mind it, really. But your friendship seemed tinged with secrecy. You followed his lead and kept the details to a minimum when anyone asked about who you were having lunch with or who your late night meetings were with. “Oh, just my friend Bobby.” You also tried to ignore that you didn’t know many things about him, including his last name. You weren’t about to ask though, afraid that you’d ask something he didn’t want to divulge and he’d leave you alone.

You sent a smile to your assistant from across the room when she locked eyes with you. She waved when you raised your half-filled champagne flute in her direction, silently telling her to enjoy the holiday party. She was new and lovely and so helpful. She was also overjoyed when you actually let her help with the work your department handled. She also teased you goodnaturedly whenever you would go have lunch with Bobby at the park and asked her to hold your calls for the hour. “Can’t hide him from me forever, you know. I’ll figure out who this man is!”

You glanced down at your watch. It was a quarter to eight. You’d been here for a solid two hours and talked to half a dozen people who really only wanted to double check that their tickets would be resolved before Morning. It was fine–it seemed like most everyone still pretended you didn’t exist. Maybe they’d heard about how awkward you were, or they were wagering about how you got Reynolds’ job. Whatever. At least you got to attend the party–the last time you attempted to do so, Reynolds had you running around the city to grab the gifts he “forgot” to pick up after ordering so he could give them to the rest of the IT team before the end of the party (you did not receive one).

Staying until nine would be acceptable, right? You showed your face, thanked the catering team for their hard work, and watched the party slowly get rowdier at the hours trickled by. Then, you could be asleep before 10 and finally try that running route Bobby mentioned tomorrow morning.

Solid plan, right?

“I was hoping I’d find you here.”

You turned, already smiling, to see Robert leaning against one of the pillars of the hotel’s ballroom, nearly hidden in shadow. “I didn’t think you’d be attending. I thought the big wigs would be having their own party.”

“They are,” he said with a nod. “I escaped.”

You frowned at that, anxiety gnawing at your ribs. “I don’t want you to get in trouble, Bobby.”

His hand gently skirted up your arm and you tried to ignore how he left goosebumps in his wake as his long fingers pressed like firebrands into your skin. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

This was a new habit of his: touching you. You never minded. You had gone so long without more than a friendly pat to the shoulder or a brief handshake that you nearly cried the first time you felt Robert’s fingers trailing along your spine on the bench you still shared at lunch. “Promise?”

“I swear.” His blue eyes flashed with that strange gleam again–after all these weeks you still couldn’t decipher it. “But, I do have ulterior motives.”

“Oh?”

“I got you a present.”

Your grip immediately tightened on your champagne. Shit. “I-I didn’t know we were going to exchange gifts. I-”

“I am not expecting anything in return,” he said, thumb swiping against your arm with a smile. “I just saw it and thought of you.”

“Bobby. You know I’m going to have to take you to lunch or something as a thank you and then still give you a present. I feel awful.”

His grip tightened just a fraction as he shook his head. “Don’t. I actually get more joy out of giving gifts than receiving them.”

“Well, that’s too bad because I’m the same. You’re not getting out of this.”

“We can debate this later.” He pulled the flute from your hand and drained it before grimacing as you laughed. “The stuff I got you was much better. C’mon, I don’t want everyone else to see it.” He then set the empty glass on the nearest table and tangled your fingers together to lead you out of the ballroom and into one of the unlit side rooms. It was filled with folded tables and rows of unused banquet chairs but you could still hear the music coming through the doors. He only let go of your hand when he reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a velvet box with a distinctive HW logo on the lid.

“Bobby…” There was no way you could afford something like that. How were you supposed to reciprocate?

“Open it.” He gently pushed it into your hand and nodded with a smile when you glanced at him again.

With shaking fingers, you did and gasped when you saw the necklace carefully draped across the velvet padding. On a delicate platinum chain was a diamond pendant. Well, it was several diamonds set to look like a flower. It was the most beautiful necklace you’ve ever seen and probably the most expensive you’ve ever held. “I don’t…I don’t know if I can accept this.”

Robert stepped closer, expensive shoes knocking into yours. His cologne, leather and musk and money, slowly filled your every breath as his hands once again found your arms. “You being in my life has been my lone bright spot in a long time. This necklace is just a fraction of what I owe you, all right?”

“You don’t owe me anything, Bobby. I should actually be thanking you. You have been my truest friend. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You were telling the truth–he was your closest friend. Your only friend, if you were being completely honest with yourself. “This is-this is still too much.”

You tried to hand it back but he only pulled the necklace from its hooks and swept around to stand at your back. In one fluid motion, he was fastening it around your neck and his fingers trailed down your arms. “It suits you.”

You looked down at the necklace and a shaky sigh pushed through you. “Fine. You win this round.” When you turned to look at him, you were rewarded with another one of his smiles. “Don’t think I won’t try to pay you back.”

A new song started, something slow and soft, and Robert turned his head to hear it better for a moment before looking at you again. “Well, as a start, would you like to dance with me?”

“Here?” You asked, a giggle coloring your tone.

“Yeah. Just us.” He held out a hand, long fingers angled toward you.

This felt like a step toward something new. Something different than the quiet friendship you’d carefully protected. It would be a lie to say that you hadn’t thought of him in that way–he was beautiful. And kind to you. And funny. So, you put your hand in his and laughed as he hauled you close. His other arm wrapped tightly around your back as he held your hand close to his chest and started to lead you in a dance that had your heart racing despite the slow movements.

Without even thinking, your other hand inched its way up his arm to settle at the nape of his neck and your fingers absentmindedly pushed through his hair. “Thank you, Bobby. For everything. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out. I promise.”

**4**

This was embarrassing.

So embarrassing.

How did you not connect the dots? Your Bobby was Robert fucking Fischer. Successor to the Fischer Morrow empire. You had been palling around with a billionaire heir apparent. You had complained about how the board was fucking up to him. You had said that you couldn’t imagine being a Fischer because, “it just seems miserable.” You had literally said you felt bad for Maurice’s son because “that old man seems like an asshole.”

Wonderful.

Fantastic.

You wanted to walk out into the ocean and swim to the nearest uninhabited island to escape your shame. But you couldn’t because you were watching Robert give a speech to the entirety of Fischer Morrow about the future of the company because his father’s health had taken a sharp decline in the last handful of weeks. You had tucked yourself into the back of the assembled crowd, wishing you had just watched it online in your office instead. How could you miss it? His suits were tailored and designer. He was always perfectly put together. You had once vaguely recognized the Hermès logo on his watch and had thought it had been a holiday gift from the board.

He’d probably bought it on a whim–the tens of thousands it cost wasn’t even a drop in the bucket to him.

Robert finished his speech and nodded his head in response to the applause he earned before stepping away from the podium so CFO could take over, giving further explanation to the expansion planned for Fischer Morrow. You didn’t hear any of it. You were too focused on Robert moving at the edges of the crowd.

Right toward you.

Your fingers fiddled mindlessly with the diamond pendant around your throat. You had worn it every day since he had given it to you. You should have known better.

Before you could even think to do anything at all, Robert’s fingers were circling around your wrist and you were being pulled out of the room. He was quiet as he led you into an empty conference room and shut the door with a soft snap as soon as you were inside.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted, tugging your arm out of his grip and folding your arms over your stomach protectively. “I’m sorry I said all those things.”

“What?” His brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“All…all the things I said about the company, about your father-”

“They needed to be said. I like that you felt comfortable enough to say that to me.”

You scrubbed a hand over your mouth as you started to pace around the table, a million and one thoughts racing through your brain and all of them landed on one conclusion. “Was this just some game? To see what the little worker bee thought of the hive?”

A short breath pushed out of him as he rounded the conference table and grabbed at your hands again to pull you to a stop. Your poor heart hiccuped when he laced your fingers together. “It was never a game. I sought you out because you treated me like I was my own person instead of someone who only stood in my father’s shadow. You saw me, not my last name.”

“Robert-”

His grip tightened, near desperate. “No. No, I’m Bobby to you, remember?”

“I never would have called you that if I had known who you are.” The words were small, as small as you felt in his presence now. But still, you couldn’t pull away from him.

“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. I’m still your Bobby. Nothing’s changed.” His voice was soft. Almost pleading. It cracked at something behind your ribs you had tried to ignore for the sake of the friendship.

“Everything’s changed! You are so far up the corporate ladder above me I shouldn’t even be on your radar.” You finally pulled your hands from his and hated the look in his clear blue eyes. It was unbidden hurt. But your mind jumped to something else. “You had Reynolds fired.”

Robert’s answering silence was answer enough.

“God. I didn’t even earn this position did I? You just felt bad for the stupid, lonely girl in the park-”

Robert was on you in a flash, crowding you against the table without even needing to touch you. “You earned it. I looked into your work history. I saw your credentials. Reynolds knew you were better suited to his job and stepped all over you because of it. I only gave you what you deserved.”

“So, you admit it-”

“I admit that you were better suited. I admit that your department is better for it, too. I admit that I did it because I just wanted to see you smile again.”

Your next breath stalled in your throat and you hated that you felt your chin wobble. What was he saying? “Robert-”

“And it wasn’t pity. It was selfish of me. I wanted to see you smile. I wanted to give you something no one else could. So I did.” Slowly, so slowly, his hands skirted a familiar path up your arms until he was cupping the back of your head and pressing the pads of his thumbs beneath the hinge of your jaw. You could feel each breath he took against the sensitive skin of your lips. “I want to give you everything because you have given me more than I could ever repay. You were lonely. So was I. And we found each other, doesn’t that still matter?”

“I-”

“Let me be your Bobby again. Nothing’s changed, I promise.”

You searched his perfect blue eyes and wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that he felt what you did. That it was okay to feel this, that it was okay to keep him tucked in the confines of your heart where he had burrowed. “You know this has changed, Bobby.” You watched his shoulders sag in relief at the sound of the nickname. “You know it.”

He agreed, nodding just once. “I can’t hide it anymore. You’re right. But I’m still the man sitting next to you on the bench. I’m still sipping champagne out of mugs with you at midnight. I’m still dancing with you in empty rooms. And I’m hoping all that I am, all the charade and everything behind it, is enough for you. I am asking you to have me because of it all, in spite of it all.”

“What will I be to you?” You asked, your voice little more than a whisper.

Robert paused and you watched his pupils start to blow, black eating blue. “You’d be mine.” And then he was kissing you, plush mouth pressing against yours and stealing your next breath. Your hands scrambled to find purchase in the fine fabric of his suit jacket as he hauled you closer, like he was trying to devour you.

You would happily let him.

When he pressed at the seam of your lips, you readily gave in and let him lick into your mouth, searching and wanting. One of his hands fell to your hip as he swallowed a whine building in your throat and he hauled you onto the edge of the table, knocking your legs apart so he could slot himself between them, like he’d always meant to be there.

Maybe he was. Maybe this was inevitable. It certainly felt like it.

Your shaking hands pushed at his jacket and he hurriedly shrugged it off, never moving his mouth from yours and not caring when it hit the floor. “So fucking perfect,” he murmured against your kiss-bitten lips. “And all mine.”

“And you’re mine,” you whispered in return, tugging at his tie next.

A sharp knock at the door halted your next breath. Robert froze, too, lips still pressed to yours.

“Mister Fischer, you’re needed upstairs,” came a stressed, tinny from the other side.

Then you were giggling against him, feeling like a teenager, and you moved to press your face to his shoulder to try to quiet the noise. But then he was laughing, too, and stealing another kiss. “Let’s get out of here.”

**5**

Robert’s father was dying.

There was no more denying it. You watched Robert waffle between heartbreak and resignation and tried to help him through it all, even though what he was feeling was foreign to you. You’d been alone your entire life, growing up at an overrun group home for kids who couldn’t find a foster family to take them and then shuffling from empty dorm room to empty apartment after aging out. But still, you let him burrow his head into your chest when he needed just the world to be quiet. It had been only a handful of weeks since he’d kissed you, asking you to take him for all that he was, but it felt like you had been with him for years, settling into a domestic routine that felt like something out of a romance novel. Something you had only ever wished you could have. You just wished you could ease the ache he was fighting.

You were in his office, the rest of the building having long been deserted at the end of the work day, pushing your fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Tell me what you need,” you murmured.

“I just need you.” His words vibrated as he spoke them into the fabric of your shirt.

“Bobby,” you started, pressing your hands beneath his chin so he looked up at you. “I am always going to be here, okay? But let me lighten your load. Want me to grab dinner so we can try to knock out some of that paperwork Browning saddled you with?” You smoothed your finger over one of his eyebrows and watched his eyes flutter shut for a moment.

“He means well. He wants me to really know what I’m doing before I officially take the reins.”

“I think he’s being lazy and then schmoozing the rest of the board while you’re in here, working your fingers to the bone,” you said with a smile to try to lessen the blow because you knew how much his ‘uncle’ Peter meant to him. You, however, thought he was a snake.

Robert was quiet as he looked up at you and you felt him squeeze you a little tighter before he stood and pressed a firm kiss to your mouth. “I have a better idea.”

“What could possibly be better than shitty takeout and monotonous paperwork?” You teased, earning a pinch to your side.

“How about you, me, and a bottle of that champagne you like and we just lock ourselves away at my house for the weekend?”

Your agreement was on the tip of your tongue. You could feel it. But he’d played this card before. “You’re going to say ‘after I let you finish this paperwork,’ aren’t you?”

His smile was tired as he danced his fingers down your spine. “God, you’re perfect.”

“You’re not getting out of this, Bobby. Let me help you.” The next noise out of you was an undignified squeak as he grabbed at your hips and hoisted you onto the top of his desk. “What’re you doing?”

“Convincing you to let me do my work.”

“It is Browning’s wor-” Your words halted when his warm hands slipped beneath the hem of your skirt and deftly pushed it up to your waist, exposing your silk stockings and lace garter belt. “You’re fighting dirty.”

Robert only smirked and sank back to his knees as he pulled your underwear down in one swift motion. He licked a bold stripe up your folds that had your head immediately tilting back with a gasp. Again and again, he did it until he closed his warm, wet mouth around your clit and sucked until you were keening, sinking your fingers into his hair again. He always knew just how to turn your spine to jelly with a few flicks of his tongue but his real talent was-

“Oh my god!”

Robert sank his teeth into the dough of your thigh as his long fingers slid into your wet heat and easily found that spot inside you that had sparks bursting behind your eyes. If your mind was capable of doing more than pleading pleasepleasepleaseBobbyplease, you may have felt his lips press a smile into your thigh before his mouth descended on you again, working in tandem with his excruciatingly wonderful fingers.

Your thighs clamped around his head but Robert was undeterred and kept licking and sucking and pushing. Wet, sloppy noises filled the air, punctuated by your whimpers and pleas, until you were crying out with your abrupt release and your entire body felt like you’d been dipped in molten heat that fizzled down to your fingers. You collapsed onto the desk in a heap, thighs sagging open as Robert gave a few last kitten licks to your clit until you pushed him away with a whine. When he pulled his fingers out, you could feel your slick puddling below you and you spotted a damp spot on the cuff of his shirt. Damn.

Robert, however, was unfazed and licked his fingers clean as you tried and failed to catch your breath.

“I know just how to get you to cooperate.” His fingers danced over your thighs, still shaking with aftershocks. “Look at you now. All soft and compliant.”

“Not my fault,” you said between labored breaths. “You don’t fight fair.”

Robert smiled, all teeth. “Not with you.”

**+1**

You hadn’t slept on the flight to Los Angeles. Sure, the first class seat was comfortable and food was delicious, but you weren't able to get comfortable. You knew tht Robert had said you didn’t need to come to the funeral but you weren’t about to let him go through this alone and had used the card he had put in your name to book the next flight out to be at his side.

A chauffeur was waiting for you when you landed and whisked you away to the gated Fischer mansion in one of the more exclusive enclaves outside the city. You’d been to Robert’s penthouse a few blocks from Fischer Morrow. He’d offered to let you use his Venice apartment when you offhandedly mentioned needing a vacation but also told you that his family owned an entire island near St. Barts if you wanted something a little more private. But this mansion was truly something else. Perhaps a better term to use would be Manor or Palace. You thanked the chauffeur as he handed you your single bag and told you that ‘Mister Fischer’ was waiting for you inside.

Your heels clicked against the solid piece of marble of the entryway but you hardly noticed when the butler (oh, you hoped you were using the right term) took your bag and told you that Robert was waiting for you in the library. Of course there was a library. You followed his directions and pushed the door open, unsurprised with its silence or its wait.

Robert was leaning against the fireplace mantle, nursing a glass of cognac. The crystal clacked as he set it down when he spotted you. You were quick to meet him halfway, wrapping your arms around him as he pulled you tight against his chest. The pair of you was quiet for a moment as you tried to press every ounce of love you had into him.

“Tell me what you need. I’m here for you.”

Robert’s next breath rumbled through him and he pulled you even tighter. “Just need you.”

“You have me.”

He was quiet again for just a moment. “I’m dissolving the company.”

You went to pull back but he held firm. “What?”

“I’m going to build something better. I don’t want to be a miserable old man like him. I don’t want to devote my life to a company when I have a family who needs me.”

“A family?” You prodded softly.

“I want a family with you. I want it all with you.”

The simple words had tears forming in your eyes and you just held him tighter. “I want that, too.” You pulled back, finally able to do so when his grip loosened, and pressed a hand to his cheek. “We can talk more about it after the funeral, okay? Emotions are running high right now. I don’t want you to think that you have to make any big decisions immediately. I’m not going anywhere.”

Robert’s eyes searched for something in your face but he seemed to find what he wanted as he smiled. “I know.”

You stood at Robert’s side during the wake and funeral and tried to keep him out of the spotlight when the photogs descended on him before the reception. He held your hand in the back of the limousine that took you back to the house after the coffin was buried and didn’t let go until he was pressing you down into his bed.

You sighed as he sank into you, hot and thick. He was always so good to you. Always stuffed you full and left you gasping. Every drag and pull of him was sending new sparks up your spine and you clung to him as he dragged you closer to euphoria. “Take what you need, Bobby,” you whimpered. “Take it.”

And he did. His hips snapped to yours, hard and strong, as his hands pressed you down into the mattress until you were only able to hold onto him, letting out choked whines and whimpers into the flushed skin of his neck.

“You’re mine,” he said, words in time with each thrust.

You could feel him in your throat.

“Yours.”

Robert bared his teeth and the next thrusts knocked the air from your lungs and you wailed as you felt him come, warmth blooming and spilling. His deft fingers found your clit and rubbed vicious circles until you were keening with your own release that he swallowed with a kiss that was all teeth and tongue.

Both of you were quiet as he led you to the bath and filled it with near-scalding water and some sort of floral oils. He held you tight against his chest again and you tried not to be embarrassed when he sent one of the (many) maids to fetch the bottle of champagne he’d apparently set out for this moment. Realizing that it was the same champagne from that night in your office all those months ago did make you smile. Robert turned and poured two glasses and pressed one into your hand. You settled back against his chest and sipped, frowning when it didn’t quite taste the same. Maybe it was a different year. Oh well.

By the time you finished your glass, you were exhausted and blamed the sex and hot water. “Take me to bed, Bobby?”

He wiped you down with a warmed towel and wrapped you up in a plush robe before leading you back to bed that now had new sheets. You were too tired to care about someone being that aware of your bedroom activities. You’d be back in Australia soon enough anyway.

Your eyelids were fighting to stay open by the time your head hit the pillow and Robert settled beside you. His warm hand cupped your cheek and his thumb smoothed a gentle arc beneath your eye. “My lonely girl.”

“Yours,” you mumbled, eyes closing.

“Mine.”

You woke the next morning with a raging headache and a strange cottony feeling behind your tongue. Robert wasn’t beside you and you assumed he was probably already downstairs, eating breakfast and answering emails. You would have to convince him to take the day off.

Work could wait.

You walked to the closet in search of your bag and…couldn’t find it.

Your purse was missing from where you had left it on the bedside chair, too.

Your passport wasn’t in the lockbox.

“Bobby?” You called out as you walked down the hall, trepidation with every step. Something was wrong. “Bobby?”

The house was silent. Unnervingly so. You could almost hear the blood roaring in your ears. You were almost relieved when you spotted the butler near the front door. “Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but do you happen to know if one of the maids, um, moved my stuff? I can’t seem to find anything.”

The butler nodded, quick and sharp. “Mister Fischer has made sure everything you will need is delivered by noon. I will have the maids bring it to your room when it arrives.”

That…that didn’t make any sense. “I…have you seen Robert?” You asked, just wanting to see a familiar face. Your Bobby.

“He’s returned to Australia, miss.”

Your stomach dropped to your feet. “What?”

“He said he left a note in the bedroom explaining the situation.”

That was dismissal enough and you turned and walked back to the room, metaphorical tail tucked between your legs. You did find the note and braced for an awkward break up or something of that ilk but what you found instead had your veins turning to ice.

I’ll be back for you. We can begin our lives together as soon as I finish dealing with the board. You’ll want for nothing, I’ve made sure of it. And you can finally settle into the life I’ve always wanted to give you. Learn the house. Pick out a nursery.

This had to be a joke, right?

Right?

But the windows were on an alarm system and a man with a gun would yank you back into the room before you could even get halfway out. The doors were guarded. The landline didn’t work. The computer in the office didn’t connect to the internet.

You were alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone until Robert came back three weeks later and placed a diamond ring on your finger as he kissed away your tears. You weren’t sure if you were crying out of anger or relief to finally have him back.

“Why’d you do this, Bobby?” You whispered into his chest as he held you close. You didn’t have the energy to fight him.

“Because you’re mine.”

A/N: please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

[yooils]

lightweight . drunk!isagi x reader. fluff. accidental proposal. short blurb + extremely forced plot.

— ISAGI YOICHI is a lightweight.

it’s a truth acknowledged by everyone close with him, really, with the way he begins his flowery proses after a drink or two– followed by a gradual descent to an emotional wreck; usually accompanied with an abundance of impulsive decisions and a self depreciating monologue of his life.

but in spite of that, he knows how to handle himself 90% of the time. (the remaining 10% is left unmentioned by all, regardless of the copious amounts of black-mail material some of his teammates possess.)

so naturally, the first time you see yoichi have an emotional breakdown in public is during a team get-together! he’s half on his knees with an abnormally flushed complexion; his eyes are starting to water from the reverie he’s found himself in, and his throat is constricted with hiccups. you've been so-called paged by his colleagues– only to find that the emergency they had mentioned afore to be your drunk boyfriend.

“i just want you to know that i love you.” is the first thing that comes out of isagi's mouth when he catches sight of you entering the bar his team had booked for the night.

the collective wolf whistles from his teammates would have portrayed the unfolding scene to be akin to an extremely romantic (read: corny) scene of a movie, if it wasn't for the uncharacteristically delirious look in your boyfriend’s eyes.

“my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this. i just want you to know that i’m pregnant, and you’re the baby. will you marry me?”

(a few feet away, rin spits out his drink, outraged at the sheer blasphemy of one of his favourite books and movies. nagi's recording next to him, half-asleep yet still giggling at his friend's drunken antics.)

you love yoichi too, you really do– but you have to run through the list of things you love about him just to keep yourself from strangling him to the brink of unconsciousness so he stops talking.

– he's cute. he's only a little bit annoying sometimes. he does the laundry properly. he just confessed that he loved you amidst his drunken stupor even though you've never said it to each other directly before in person– and then proposed to you. and he's hot.

finally forfeiting to his boyish, drunken charms (and having had enough public humiliation for today), you find yourself and your extremely drunk boyfriend in the middle of the parking lot; with you holding him by his coat so he doesn’t escape, and him squirming around with airy sounds of discomfort which you had opted to ignore.

isagi’s leaning in close, breath reeking of alcohol and hands fumbling with his seatbelt clumsily.

“psst.. don’t tell anyone, but i’m gonna marry you one day.”

the pause in the car is deafening.

you furrow your eyebrows. he obliviously leans his cheek against the car window, unbothered by the sheer weight that his words had carried.

“wait, you don’t want other people to find out that you’re going to propose to me, so you tell the person you’re actually proposing to?”

his drunk gasp speaks volumes to you. “oh no, did i say that out loud? am i being kidnapped? where am i? is the world finally ending? but i still haven’t told (name) that i loved them…”

(okay, maybe he’s a little more stupid when he’s drunk, but you’ve grown to become a believer in the concept that drunken words are sober thoughts in the last hour. you hope.)

isagi’s eyes melt into something akin pools of sapphire stones under the lamppost-lit light. it’s been your favourite colour from the moment you met him.

“yoichi, why are you sniffing me?”

you amusedly ask, finding minor entertainment in his actions.

he’s half slumped on you by the time you stop the car by his apartment– and you realise that there’s no way of getting out of your vehicle without damaging 1.) your spine 2.) your arms and 3.) his dignity. (which really is already ruined, objectively, from the amount of second-hand embarrassment you’ve faced tonight.

“don’t wanna leave you.. smells like home..” he almost-incoherently mumbles, and you impulsively have half a mind to keep him forever-intoxicated because of how cute, despite tedious he’s become.

as a relatively simple man, isagi has always been subjected to a desire for more; especially when it came to football.

(but you, he thinks, will always be more than enough for him. and he hopes he’s enough for you too, even in his drunken haze, because he doesn’t want to let you out of his grasps for even a second).

the way you stroke his hair has his mind collapsing into a puddle of melted goo even in the air-conditioned car. you’ve rewritten his brain chemistry to make yourself the only pearl in his universe composed of mostly football, and in every life, he would let you break his heart over and over again.

once you realise that he's stopped his drunken ramblings and fumbling, the panic finally kicks in.

"yoichi, are you sleeping? we're still in the car park! i can't get out with you laid on me!"

(the next morning, he apologises after a much needed hangover pill and a reminder of what happened last night, sent to him in the form of a video by nagi.

you don't tell him that you've already seen the ring in his sock drawer.)

8.12.23

[georgiapeach30513]

Closer to Heaven and Closer to You, Part 12

Summary:  And baby Drysdale is a….

Pairings:  Ransom Drysdale X Reader

Rating:  Mature

Warnings:  explicit language, complications with baby Drysdale, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  6.5K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

“Alright, Ms. Sinclair, hop onto the table,” Ransom hates hearing your current last name.  It was the only thing that pained him about getting pregnant before you were married.  Hearing the doctor call you Ms. Sinclair, while baby Drysdale was swimming around in your belly.  

“So, I know that you two have opted for a blood test to determine the sex of the baby, but let’s have a little look at your baby, shall we?” Ransom lowers his head next to yours.  Gazing up at the monitor while the doctor fishes around looking for the sweet bean, and you give his pretty cheek a kiss before looking with him.  Being able to view the baby, and that sweet man giggles.  Actually giggles.  Airy giggles at that.  

Ransom gives your hand a little squeeze.  You are excited, but hearing, seeing, and feeling his excitement was even better.  “Alright, little one, show us what we want to see,” he taps on your belly a bit, getting frustrated with the lack of visibility, “You know, usually stubborn ones like this, and whose heartbeat is so fast, we have little girls.”

“Oh, a girl,” Ransom sighs, leaning in for a quick peck on your lips.

“Yes, but we’re going to get your blood drawn.  I’m not saying you’re having a girl for certain.”

“When,” you look up at your fiance, and then back at the doctor.  The wedding was days away, but this is something that was bothering you.  You look down at your stomach, and towards the doctor.  It was almost unfair that people couldn’t even tell you were pregnant.  If it wasn’t for the baby on the monitor, and the slight flutters you had been feeling you wouldn’t believe it.  

“When am I going to, you know, where’s my belly?” The doctor huffs out a laugh, and points towards your bloated stomach.  That was it.  “No, this…this is about the size I was when I’ve eaten a whole carton of ice cream and a medium pizza alone.  I’m bloated.  It’s barely there.  I want a belly.  And when will Ransom be able to feel her?”

“You just called the baby her,” he looks between the two of you confused, “Please, don’t take what I said completely to heart.  Just because the baby won’t show us what we’re looking for doesn’t mean it’s a girl.”

“She’s been calling the baby a her.  But back to that part about me feeling her question.  I would very much like to feel my baby.  The lack of a bump, and no movement, makes me feel she’s not pregnant.”

“See!  I want a bump, and I want to feel her more than feeling gassy.  That’s it.  This is really a food baby, and I’m gassy, huh?”

“Except for the fact that the baby is literally in there.  You saw it up there, and it was turning somersaults.  Ms. Sinclair, every pregnancy is different.  And usually the first one takes time.  You’ve got a petite little baby, and when it’s time he or she will make themselves known.  And don’t you have a wedding?  Wouldn’t you hate to have to find a different dress because this baby decided to be seen?  Let me get the nurse in here.  He’ll take your blood, and we’ll determine what you’re having.  What I can say for certain, is they’re growing right on time.  There doesn’t appear to be any abnormalities, and you and Mr. Drysdale are doing everything right.  And eventually you will pop out.  And you will become uncomfortable because of it I’m sure.  Mr. Drysdale, soon you should feel your little fish in there.  Okay.  You two hang out.”

Leaving makes things feel like an eternity.  You were about to find out the sex of your baby.  You and Ransom were becoming a family at this very moment.  You were going to be able to give the peanut a name.  No more RJ or baby Drysdale.  He or she was going to be talked about as if they were a person.

You are nervous, but not even close to what Ransom is feeling, “I asked my parents if there’s any underlying issues in our family I wouldn't know about.  It was just some sinus issues.”

“What?” You smile, looking at him.  “What does that even mean?”

“I had my tonsils taken out when I was young, and sinus surgery.  I’m just so worried that I’m going to be the reason that something is wrong.  And…Buns, I can’t…I want our baby to be healthy.”

“She is,” he rolls his eyes, but still smiles.  Leaning in for a kiss, but you grab his hand to place on your belly.  “Or he.  They’re going to be fine, Ran.  And you best believe we’re going to make sure he or she is taken to the doctor regularly.  They’ll get their checkups to make sure they’re growing right on schedule, and that nothing is wrong.  Tonsils are nothing.”

“Speak for yourself.  That was torture.  But what if something is wrong?  If they have something wrong, it’s gonna be my fault, and…”

“Shh,” bringing his hand up to your mouth, pressing it on your lips, you begin to kiss over his knuckles, and press them up to your cheek.  He was already shaping up to be the sweetest dad.  So concerned for his baby, and already blaming himself.  “We made this baby.  And we’re not going to speak something into existence that isn’t there.  We’re also not going to blame ourselves.  This is our baby.  Hopefully our first.  And we’ve got to make sure that she is cared for and loved above all else.”

“You are calling our baby a her.”

“Because, it’s just what I feel.  I feel this sweet pea is our baby girl.  We may find out that she’s not a girl, but a boy, and I’ll still love him.  But I really think this angel baby is our baby girl.”

“Yeah, yeah.  This day is going to be so long waiting to find out.”

“While the baby is growing, Ran, we shouldn’t worry as much as you are.  Let’s just breathe.  We’ll know soon enough what we’re having.”

“Wait, stop!” Ransom throws his hand out in front of the doctor, eyes wide, and you hold in a snort.  He had warned you he was going to do this, but him actually doing it tickles you, “Can you just for the sake of this moment call us, Mr. And Mrs. Drysdale?  It’s happening this weekend.  I’m making it official.  I just don’t want you to tell us what we’re having as Mr. Drysdale and Ms. Sinclair.  It’s insulting.  Please.  Just this once.”

My goodness, he was adorable.  Didn’t want this moment marred by your maiden name.  He wanted the moment you found out about your baby’s sex to be with mama and daddy Drysdale.  He wasn’t lying.  He was making it official in less than forty-eight hours.  You were cutting it close.  Wanting to spend your honeymoon with your husband being able to buy cute outfits for your child.

“Okay.  Mr. And Mrs. Drysdale, keep in mind this test is anywhere from ninety-eighty to ninety-nine percent accurate.  Are you ready to find out what you’re having?” With Ransom behind you, and both hands on your belly, with yours on top of his, you give the doctor a nod of your head.  Sucking in your breath slowly.  “You two are going to have a baby girl.”

The sound that escapes your mouth as you turn around to hug Ransom was that of pure joy.  A stutter cry of shock and happiness when you hug him.  You were getting your little Ransom junior that was going to be the sweetest little angel girl.  

Burying your face into his neck, you cry.  Digging your fingers into his back as you and him celebrate.  Just as it should, together.  Just the two of you.  Three.  “I’m going to leave you two, alone,” he steps out of the waiting room, and Ransom holds you even tighter.

“Bunny?  Buns, are you happy?”  

“Ran, we’re having our baby girl.  Yes, I’m so happy.  Oh my god, oh our sweet little peanut.  Oh hey, darling,” pulling away from Ransom, you hold onto your belly, looking down at the little bump of your stomach.  “Hey.  Ransom, this is our baby in there.  Our sweet girl.”

“And boy, I’m going to spoil her so much.  Hi, baby,” he says to your belly, squatting down, he pulls up your shirt, giving the swell a kiss.  “We have waited for so long for you.  And now we know that you’re going to be our little sunflower.  Your daddy is going to have you dressed in the cutest little dresses and sweaters.  Your mama is going to look at you all the time.  Oh,” he looks up at you. Tears blurring his bright blue eyes.  

“She’s ours, Buns.  This…oh, this sweet thing is our little bitty baby bunny.  Oh my goodness.  I can’t even process anything because we’re getting our girl.  And sweetheart, if you were a boy I would be just as happy.  Have you been talking to your mama, and telling her what you were.  She’s been calling you a girl for three weeks now.  Okay…she’s going to paint the mountains in your room.  Your mama is going to hide a little girl somewhere in there, and it’s going to be you.  Maybe she can paint me and her, too.  Bunny?  Babe, why are you crying.”

“Because you’re so sweet,” sniffling as you wipe your face.  This was all that you had ever wanted.  A man that was your partner, but also shared in your wants.  You never saw Ransom the way he is now.  Not with that first meeting.  You are glad that first impressions aren't everything.  “How did I get so lucky to have you as my baby daddy.”

“Wait.  No, no.  I’m the husband.”

“And you love her so much already.  And I can’t even take how sweet this is, and I want to see you talk to the belly everyday, and I want you to feel her kick.  It’s not fair.  You love her so much, and you can’t even feel her, or feel when she hiccups.  Ran, I want you to feel everything, and…”

“Shh,” he stands up, pulling you into his embrace.  “Buns, I’m fine.  I’ll feel her when she’s ready for me to.  She’s a tiny little thing and can’t stretch out enough to kick your belly.”

“But I want you to feel her now,” you know how silly this is.  But it was so emotional, that you couldn’t help but to feel frustrated, and it didn’t even bother Ransom as much as it is you.  “You’re her daddy.”

“And when I feel her, I’ll still be her daddy.  Sweetheart, your mama’s hormones are crazy, and I make her crazy, but she’ll be fine,” you pout at his tender words.  His hand pushes up against the belly again as he starts another conversation.  “We sure had fun making you.  Fucking your mama everywhere.  She was insatiable.”

“Hugh Ransom Drysdale!”

“I’d come home, and her pretty little pussy was wet and ready for me to stuff her full.  I think that’s actually how you were conceived, up on the counter.”

“Ransom!”

“She had her naked self up there, legs spread so wide, and she was dripping onto the counter.”

“You better stop!”

“It got you to stop crying though.  I’ll do it again.  Just to see you smile,” he kisses on your forehead, and all the way down to your mouth.  Committing this day to his memory.  Every bit of it.  Right down to the smell of your perfume that lingered on his skin.

“Bunny?” Ransom gives you a tap on your arm, but you curl more into his warmth.  You are exhausted.  This honeymoon was spent with Ransom keeping you well stuffed and exhausted.  “Bunny, wake up.”

“Mmm,” you whine.  It wasn’t even light outside.  Why was this man waking you up?  “Stop.  I’m tired.  You kept me up all night long.”

“You know, I didn’t hear you complaining when I had your legs pinned to the bed.  But fine.  I won’t tell you what I know,” he stubs up.  Sticking his nose up in the air, and crossing his arms over his chest, and leans back on the bed.  This week has been amazing.  Even if most of the week was spent in the room being entwined with your husband.  

“Won’t tell you anything.  Not one little thing.”

“Shh,” finding your way closer to him, you nuzzle up against his side.  Sighing at the faint scent of his cologne.  He smelled like you, sweat, and Dior.

“Nope.  Can’t drag it out of me.  No way, no how.”

“Ugh,” you sit up, playfully glaring at him.  “Go on.  Tell me what it is that you know.”

“Nope.  I told you I wouldn’t,” rolling your eyes, you start to slide your naked body back down on the bed, but Ransom lays his hand on your stomach, and you look down at your favorite piece of jewelry he owned, his wedding band.  You gasp when you see his fingers splay out on your belly, and he gives it a few pulses.  “Won’t tell you anything at all.”

“Where did that come from?  Oh my god!  Hey, little one,” your hand rubs over your belly, and you give your baby’s waterbed a smile.  “Look at you.  Did you finally decide to tell daddy hey?”  It wasn’t much, but it was a bump.  No longer did you look like you were housing a food baby, but instead, you finally looked pregnant.  

“Ransom!  Oh my god.  Hey,” looking up at him, you both smile with waterfalls of tears streaming down your face.  “Did you feel that?”

“She’s been doing that all morning.  Woke me up, didn’t you, sunflower?  I was sleeping, and minding my business, and her chubby little foot kicked daddy’s hand, and I woke up, and looked, and there she was.  Were you hiding behind mama’s bladder or something?”

“We really need to think about her name.”

“Sunflower.”

“No.  No, we’re not naming her sunflower.  You can call her that, but I want her to have a name,” Ransom shrugs, and looks back down at the bump.  His hand wanders over the belly, stopping when he feels her movements again.  He was obsessed.  He was never going to let you go again.

While he’s watching his daughter, you stare at him.  He was the perfect choice for a life partner, but you could not have been ready for how good of a father he was going to be.  You could already see how his hand was always going to need to touch the bump.  But even the way he was so soft and gentle, and he talked to your belly.

“Your mama won’t let us officially name you sunflower.  So I’m going to say the alphabet, and when you like that letter, you kick your daddy’s hand, okay?” He starts to say the alphabet slowly.  Pausing on certain letters longer than others.  His hand drifts over your belly searching for the peanut.  

“L.  M.  N.  Are you asleep?  I will go back through this alphabet if you don’t kick.  O, I really like the name Ophelia.  Okay.  No.  P.  You have got to be kidding,” giggles erupt out of your mouth as the baby P starts to twist around in your stomach.  “P?  P?  This is going to be the first obstacle, sunflower.   I don’t even know any P names, and this is what you want to stop on.  Let’s try again.  Q.  Oh thank goodness.  R,” his eyes close, and he peaks at your belly.  She was a sleeping beauty again.

Finishing the alphabet, and starting over, he randomly says P out of place.  “What is this child?  Sunflower, you’re being a smarty pants.  Bunny, she’s moving on P again.”

“Well, I think P is going to be the first letter of her name then.  There’s Penelope, Penny, Piper, Prue, Phoebe, Paige.”

“Did you just say the Haliwell sisters names, and add in a Penelope and a Penny?  No.  Our daughter is not being named after a television show.  Go on, say some more P names.”

“Parker, Pippa, Payson, Peyton,” you sigh because there was one name you really loved.  Ransom wasn’t liking any of these, and you both had to love her name.  The thought of him not liking a name that had been on your list for a few years, even before Frank, hurt to think about.  “Paisley.”

“Oh!” He shouts, leaning over your belly.  Pressing his lips against the stretched skin.  “She is moving so much.  Paisley, are you going to be a demanding little thing?  Oh, Buns, she loves the name almost as much as I do.  Paisley Ransom Drysdale, you are going to rule the mountain.  You are going to command Bucky.  The only one keeping you in line is going to be Gucci, huh?  Paisley, I know.  I know.  We all agree that this is the sweetest name.  And no, I totally didn’t look at your mama’s baby name list on her phone and see a star beside Paisley.”

“Ran,” he was too sweet.  “Did you really look at my baby name list?”

“Yep, and I added a little part at the bottom that I titled Ransom’s list.  I put down the names I really liked, and added a few of my own.  So we have us a Paisley Ransom?”

If it wasn’t for you and Ransom in agreement, it was Paisley herself swimming in her ocean and telling you she loved the name just as much.  “Paisley, daddy is going to spoil you, but I also think uncle Bucky is going to spoil his chicken butt, too.”

“A girl, hmm,” Bucky slings a bale of hay out of the barn, and goes to stand beside Ransom.  He couldn’t keep his eyes off your home.  To say that things went from blissful to a torturous and sick pregnancy once you returned would be a lie.  Why did you have to be the woman that was sick in the third trimester?

“What are you going to do with this tiny little Bunny running between my house and yours?”

“Uh, no.  I will be carrying her everywhere.”

“I’m talking about when she can walk.”

“So was I,” Ransom deadpans.  What a silly notion that Paisley was going to walk to get around.  Ransom had intentions of keeping her held and treated like a princess.  

“How is she doing?  Still sick?” Your sickness was worrisome to Ransom and Harlan.  Harlan claimed that you shouldn’t be this sick this far along.  He felt like he had become a nurse when all you could do was be nauseous and sleep.  “My mom, she has this remedy she took with my youngest half sister.”

“No, you know Bunny, she’s going to power through this.  I have offered everything.  But she’s not dehydrated, Paisley is growing perfectly fine, and Miss Gucci makes sure to keep her entertained and moving.  Thanks, but you know how she is,” Bucky nods his head, starting to head back up to the hayloft, and Ransom looks up at him.  “What are you doing?”

“Uh, getting the stables ready.  Bunny approved goats.”

“We don’t need goats.”

“Umm…they’re cute.  You better watch your wife, she wants a donkey.  She’ll have this little petting zoo for your children.  Don’t get angry.  You love that woman, and your children are going to grow up seeing life in other animals.  They'll have compassion, and learn to care for things.  Having animals is a good thing.  And she always told you she wanted a ranch and farm.  Goats will be in the and farm part.  And I’ll teach Paisley how to care for everything.  And quit pouting!  You are always the daddy.  I am the uncle, and she is the chicken butt.  Which by the way,” he hauls the last bale of hay down, and walks back down to Ransom, pointing out a spot close to the barn.

“Your wife wants the chicken coup and chicken run to go there.  Gotta keep her girls safe.  You should see some of the chickens she wants.  You’re going to have so many eggs, with different sizes and colors.  That sweet little girl is going to be going right over there with her designer corgis, and gather the eggs for the day.  You know, for a city slicker that everyone think is nothing but a pretty face, you’re adjusting well to this life.”

“Ehh, I think well is an overstatement.  But the idea of getting my Bunny and my baby, and the only family I like here, it’s worth it.  Plus, the view at night.  This seriously is a piece of heaven and paradise.  Quiet.  Anyways, I guess get the goats and donkeys.  Save the sheep for when Paisley can ask for them.  Whatever chickens that she wants, get them, and you trust Steve with building all this?”

“He’s smarter than he looks.  He’s more than just a dick on legs believe it or not.  Very high sex drive, but sharp as a tack.  You know he actually has a college degree in architecture?  He’s designing this chicken house.  Tend to your baby mama,” Ransom lets out a guttural growl as he shoots an angry look towards Bucky.  He hated the baby daddy and baby mama term.  “She married you.  Look at it as a term of endearment.  A term she can’t say about anyone else.”

“You’re right,” he puffs up his chest a bit.  “We wanted a baby, we made a baby, and now we’re getting a Paisley.  And hopefully she’s not a thorn in her mother’s side when she’s born.”

“Oh, if she’s anything like you, then yes, the chicken butt is going to be a thorn in all our sides.  She’s going to have this sweet little face, but she is going to mean business.  Go tend to her mother.  I’m ready for Paisley to keep you from asking too many questions.  Especially about the ducks.”

“No ducks!” Ransom screams as he starts to jump onto the side by side to head back to the house.  

“If Paisley wants ducks she gets ducks!”

“Paisley can not talk.  Ransom can.  No ducks!”

“Uh huh,” Bucky starts as Ransom drives away.  “Paisley told me yesterday that her wanted duckies.”

You exhale slowly, pressing a hand over your swollen belly, and look up at your husband with fearful eyes, “It’s time,” you tremble out, but he is every bit the calm man he always is.  Confidently reaching for your hand he leads you towards the front door, “Ran, I’m scared.”

“I’m not.  Our little Paisley sunflower is finally making her debut.  You’ve got this, and I will be right by your side.  You’re going to be amazing.”

“I’m not ready.  Can we…can we just stop time right now,” you know how ridiculous you are being.  But there was a literal human about to be pushed out of your body.  Life was going to change.  “Please?  You always make things happen.”

“Sweetheart, I can’t make this happen, even if I wanted to, and I don’t.  I am ready to see you hold our precious little baby girl.  To see you take on another role in our lives.  I’m ready to see your parents, Harlan, Bucky, and I’m sure Steve fawn over this little baby that we created.  We wanted this, and we made this happen.  Now, get your cute little waddling self in the car.  I really don’t want to deliver a baby today.”

Your eyes open up wide in shock as you stare at him.  You are wasting time.  Things can happen slow, but also just as fast, and you could deliver your child in the car.  “I’m only joking.”

“Ransom, let’s go.  I do not need my insides on the floorboard of my car.”

The nurse lays your baby on your chest, and time stands still.  You had wanted and hoped for this little angel that is staring up at you all confused.  “Oh, hey, baby.  Look at you, Paisley Ransom.  You have your daddy’s lips.  Ran, look it.  Oh my goodness, Paisley meet the man that talks to you every night.  You’re going to have to call him daddy though.”

“She’s so small,” Ransom’s thick fingers wipe the steady cascade of tears coming down his face as he gazes at his sweet little angel.  “You’re going to be daddy’s shadow, huh?  I’m not going to be able to let you out of my sight.  Oh, honey.  She’s absolutely perfect.”

“Wait,” your voice panics as her eyes slowly close.  Her back refuses to rise and fall with her breathing.  “Ran!  No, no,” hands from faceless people reach and take that bundle of joy off your chest.  “What’s happening?  Ransom?”

Ransom stares horrified as nurses hustle around your baby, while you are a puddle.  Crying and reaching for her.  Needing answers of anything, and you get nothing.  Almost as if a light switch is flipped on, Ransom goes into action.  Holding onto your hand tightly, “You will tell us what is going on with our daughter.  Tell us now.”

“Mr. Drysdale, your wife still has the after birth.”

“And our daughter has got machines being hooked up to her as we speak.  Where…where are they taking her?”

“To a doctor.  My job currently is your wife.”

“But I need to know what is going on right now!  You tell me what is happening.”

“While I can’t be sure, things like this aren't uncommon.  They’re going to check her over.  If there was a true concern they would be coming over immediately.  I assure you, your daughter has the best care here.  Let them take care of her, while I take care of your wife.  When there is something to report about your daughter we will.  Please, stay calm.”

Calm was not at all how you are feeling.  Scared.  Terrified.  Empty.  Lost.  None of your emotions are calm.  Ransom turns to look at you, keeping his eyes only on yours, and you follow suit.  Copying his breathing, but still you felt scared.  Terrified.  Empty.  Lost.  You want your baby.  Need to know if she was okay, and what was going on.  You need to see her sweet face again.

Mr. And Mrs. Drysdale,” a new doctor walks in, without your baby.  Breathing is usually an involuntary thing, but since Paisley was born, you had to physically think about it.  “Paisley is just fine.”

“So where is she?” This woman was coming in here to tell you that Paisley was fine, but she came without Paisley.  You need to hold her.  Ransom still hadn’t got to hold her.  “Where’s my baby?”

“Mrs. Drysdale, she is fine.  There were a few complications.”

“Like what?  You tell me that our daughter is fine, but that there’s complications, and…”

“Mr. Drysdale, let me finish, please.  She is fine.  We are going to wheel you into NICU.  She’s being monitored.  There is a slight heart defect, but as of right now we do not think there will be a need for surgery or medicine.  She will need to be monitored.”

“Why…but why did my baby stop breathing?  She was laying on me, and just…Ransom she just stopped, and,” you words run off into tears, and Ransom grips your hand even tighter.  Fearful that he was the cause of this defect.

“That had nothing to do with her heart.  While our body’s have the ability to adjust from being in utero to being outside, it doesn’t always happen.  So far, other than her heart that I think she will just need some monitoring with for the next couple of days, she’s healthy.  She wants to see her mom and dad.  Would you two like to see your baby with less dramatics than you have seen today?  I promise, she is a healthy baby.”

“Please,” you whimper, throwing the blanket off your legs.  You are beyond ready to be reunited with her.  Ransom doesn’t miss a moment to help you out of the bed.  Assisting you to a wheelchair as you’re taken to Paisley.  Seeing her in an incubator makes you gasp, “Do I…can we hold her?”

“Of course.  Wash your hands.”

“So, how will we know if she’s going to need surgery or medicine?  She’s just so tiny,” the doctor runs through a few scenarios with you.  Letting you know that she is being heavily monitored currently.  That doctor’s visits may be more frequent for her, but you don’t care.  Paisley being a happy baby is what you care about.

“Oh, hey, Paisley,” you coo as a nurse places her in your arms.  She swishes around, and moves even closer to your chest.  Squeaking with every move she makes.  “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.  Ran, she’s perfect.  I mean, minus your wee little heart.  It’s because you felt so much love from everyone, huh?  You want to hold her?”

“I want you to right now.”

“Paisley, you’re daddy is being very generous, but I know that he wants to touch and hold you so much right now.  Ransom, sit down.  Hold your baby,” sitting down beside you, you extend the tiny sunflower over to him.  Waiting until he gets comfortable holding her before you settle back.  Watching him more than her.  How he is so serene staring at her.  His forefinger pets around his face, and still more tears.

“You are a pretty little thing.  But I didn’t expect anything less with who you have as a mama.  Paisley, you don’t get to scare daddy like that, okay?  You’ve got to be okay so you can run around the property.  Your mama has gotten you so many animals.  Uncle Bucky has these two annoying goats that he can’t stand.  But I need you to be okay.  You’re so strong, sweetheart.  And we’ve got to take you home, and love on you.  Grandpa is so excited.  He misses your mama, too.  Bunny, this is our baby.”

“I know,” you whisper, wiping his cheeks free of tears.  This is the most handsome you have ever seen him.  Completely vulnerable, loving, soft and tender.  Becoming the sweetest and most protective father in an instant.  But how he was holding onto her like she was the most precious thing in his life.

A younger you would have been jealous that your husband was getting a new lady in his life, but if you were sharing Ransom’s attention with this angel, it was worth it.  He pets over her sweet little fingers, looking up at you with a bright smile, “We made her.”

“I know.  Daddy, that's your baby girl.”

“You hear that, Paisley?  Mama says that you are mine.  I didn’t think I could love someone like I do your mom, but this — Bunny, I love her so much and immediately.  How did I get so lucky for two people in my life?  Bunny?” He gives you a pout, his bottom lip trembling, “I’m not even letting you hold her.”

“You keep holding her.  When she gets hungry, I’ll hold her.  I like watching you become a dad.  This is my favorite I’ve ever seen you.  Paisley Ransom, you have your big scary dad wrapped so tightly around that tiny little pinky finger of yours.  Look at him.  He can’t even stop looking at you for long.”

“I love her.  And I love you.  And you promise that I didn’t do this?”

“No.  You would never do anything to hurt our baby, and she’s going to be just fine.  Okay?”

“So far her heart seems to be working just fine.  We’ll still keep an eye on it.  And her constant stuffy nose.  If this persists we may go through with an allergy test.  Have you noticed any changes in your diet?” Paisley’s pediatrician tries to get her attention again.  Smiling and waving at your daughter who doesn’t react until a loud noise is made.

“Yes, we’re doing the elimination diet for me.  She doesn’t like when mommy eats shrimp or green beans, do you?” Paisley looks around the room, blowing bubbles, until you click your tongue, and she averts her gaze right up to you.  

“And you’re sure this is going to make a difference?” Ransom asks, as the doctor gets closer to the two of you.  “She…it’s like our baby isn’t even a year old and it’s always something.  Could you not move so fast towards her.”

“Ran, she’s here to help.”

“Paisley,” the doctor calls her name, and Paisley’s head turns towards her quickly.  Blinking her eyes heavily.  “She’s smart, and her hearing is perfect.  But let’s just try this right here,” slipping on the cutest tiny little pink glasses, Paisley opens her eyes as wide as possible and looks up at you.  

Staring long and hard towards you before the biggest two teeth smile appears on her face, “Oh god, baby.  Oh, my Paisley,” her chubby hand reaches towards your face, touching all over it before giggling.  “Can you finally see mama?  Ransom, say something.”

“Paisley?” Her head flits towards Ransom’s so fast, and her giggles get even louder.  Making grabby hands towards him.  Her mouth is opening and closing, not saying anything, but she wants her daddy.  “Come here, sweet sunflower.  Look at you.  Do you finally see daddy?” Her eyes blink several times looking at Ransom before glancing around the room.  “Our sweet baby just couldn’t see, huh?  You going to discover every little thing now?”

“Dadadadadadada,” Paisley squeals suddenly.  Slapping hand on Ransom’s cheek, and pulls herself closer for one of her messy kisses she reserves just for him.  

“Looks like the glasses have done the trick.  I think you’re going to have a much happier baby now that she can see.  Since she’s mobile, she should become more so.  No more knocking into things, Paisley.  And you two are doing a great job.  You’re giving her the best life you can, and you’re taking care of her.  Noticing that there are some things that just aren’t right.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  She’s happy.  And that’s what all people want for their children.  Ransom, remember, this isn’t your fault.  That baby isn’t blaming you.”

You whisper thanks to the pediatrician.  Ransom still had yet to forgive himself for Paisley’s health.  Forgetting how happy she was, and how she was always searching for his voice.  Paisley adored her dad.  And if it wasn’t for pesky things getting in her eyesight and vision, she would be able to crawl to him much faster.  

Placing her chunky hand over his mouth, she waits for him to give her dozens of kisses, and turns towards you smiling.  “Okay, Paisley, you ready to see Uncle Bucky?  You got to show off your new look.  I think he’s going to love your pretty new glasses.  And Gucci,” she squeals, turning to look at you.  Giving her hands a little clap.  “You wanna go see Bucky and Gucci?”

“Uh!”  Making the sweetest little motions towards you, she bounces in Ransom’s arms.  

“She’s going to be very curious for a while.  She’s seeing everything in a new light.  Be patient with her as she learns her surroundings again.”

“Gucci typically stays right with her, huh, Paisley.  And Grandpa.  Yeah, she’s got so many people watching her, and making sure she doesn’t run into things.  Now you won’t have to worry about that, huh?  You’re going to see everything.”

“Look at that beautiful princess,” Harlan announces, standing up to meet you two at the door.  “Paisley Ransom, you are more beautiful now than when you left.  Look at how big you’re smiling.”

“You men have got to stop.  Ransom can’t stop crying, and here you are tearing up.  Paisley, tell Grandpa that you can see everyone you love now, and that’s why you’re smiling and giggling so much.  And…” the front door opens, and the paws of a corgi that is trying to get traction on the hardwood floor comes bustling into the room with all of you.

“Ahh!” Paisley screams, looking down at Gucci and clearly seeing her for the first time.  “Ahh!” It was like seeing her fluffy guard dog truly the way she was meant to, and it was the best thing in the world.

“I hear my sweet angel!” She bounces in your arms hearing Bucky’s voice finally, and when he comes into the living room with all of you, she screams again.  “Oh my goodness.  Does she see me now?”

“Yes.  Don’t you dare, Bucky Barnes, you quit this right now,” he can’t.  He doesn’t even try to pretend that he’s not crying.  Just continues on his merry way.  Walking closer to you, and extends his hands for Paisley.

“You don’t even have to hear my voice.  You know it’s me now, huh?  Oh my goodness.  Paisie, you quit smiling and reaching towards me.  Gimme this baby,” the fit of laughter that Paisley goes into as Bucky pulls her into his arm, blowing raspberries on her neck.  “Oh she’s so cute I could just…GOBBLE HER ALL UP!  Nom nom nom,” he playfully bites at her chunky self.

“Bucky, we need to find you a woman, so you can have one of these of your own.”

“Nope.  None will ever be this cute, and giggly, and smushy, and she’s biting my cheek.”

“Well, you bite hers,” he is adorable with her.  It was different seeing Bucky with Paisley, because you knew Bucky had the potential to be just like Ransom.  Completely soft for a partner and child.  “Paisley, don’t you hurt Bucky.  He is going to buy you a turkey.”

“No turkey!” Ransom gives you a shout, pulling you into him.  “No turkey.  No turkeys.  No peacock or whatever silly little animal you decide you’re going to add down there.  And that wasn’t an idea, Buns.  I did not give you an idea to run with.  You quit looking like you’re ready to order a damn peacock.”

“I do miss not having the menagerie of animals here,” Harlan muses.

“Then we’ll get fake animals again.”

“Ran, you don’t even tend to the animals.  Imagine Paisley and Gucci being followed by a peacock.”

“No peacock!  Bucky, don’t you dare order a peacock.”

“I am not included in this conversation because I can’t say no to Paisley.”

“She doesn’t even talk.  She literally just was able to see today.  No more fowls.  We have chickens.”

“And the cutest little chicken butt for Uncle Buck Buck.”

THE END

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @patzammit @lavender-annd-lilac @midnightramyeoncravings @midnightramyeoncravings @slowdownbeforeyouregretit @elrw24

[dearweirdme]

I love the point you made on hereronormativity earlier on the plushie and how people feel about two men sharing it.

That's funny because it reminds me of this thought I've been having recently :I actually understand the notion of not shipping real people together because it will make them uncomfortable or whatever and at first I failed to get along with this statement because I think taekook is real and the fact that I couldn't enjoy anything related to them without some mfs reminding me that they are friends...

But anyway. I think people in the fandom do not think like that. At least not recently. It started off as something about moral and the members respect and it went down the road as a thing of heteronormativity borderline homophobic.

Because why were people writing EVERYWHERE (even some shippers) that jungkook has a girlfriend(also the weird stereotype) because he has a hello kitty plushie????? Like it really blows my mind up how it was sooo normal for everyone to assume this one bit and nobody saw anything weird in this. It's like having a car key and my family members assumung right away that I have a boyfriend because boys love cars. See how stupid it sounds???? It's sooo crazy to me.

But I sat there and observe because I didn't think my word could have had much effect against 200k likes on tiktok.

And now we are in the present, Taehyung and Jungkook happens to have the same damn plushie and its considered a bro thing.. I don't want to exaggerate about anything but the moment the fandom open their eyes and understand that those fads going around shoving the hetero thing down our throat and then acting blind when it happens to be about two men or homosexuality in general, they'll also understand that homophobic people thrive in this fandom and they think they have a place there because who's gonna complain about Anna who thinks Jungkook has a girlfriend because of his tattoos and it doesn't make sense if its not the case?

Hi anon!

Oh.. heteronormative thinking is ingrained in so many people still. Let me go on a bit of a rant here 😁.

It starts as soon as someone is pregnant.. and it intensifies when a child is born. I live in a so called progressive and openminded country.. and yet to my ex it was extra special that our kid was a boy. Thoughts of playing football (soccer) and other ‘boy activities’ went through his mind. People gave us blue clothes and car toys. When my kid got older it became clear that he has what would be considered a ‘soft’ side. He’d choose rainbow colored mermaid plushies and unicorns to play with alongside his car toys.. and people found that odd. Kids don’t actually see a difference.. they just like stuff and colors and it’s the reaction of adults that makes them feel a certain way about it. My kid is a bit older now and I have constant conversations with him about that it’s okay to let his hair grow out if he likes it, that boys can love boys and that girls can love girls (i always say stuff like ‘when you’re older and have a boyfriend or girlfriend’). I was a member of an inclusive bookclub for kids for a while, and people got uncomfortable about the topics.. which was basically that love is love and that people are diverse. I am a big believer that if people start being inclusive in the language they use.. it will make a difference.

A lot of people aren’t even aware that it’s something they’re doing. I still catch myself at times.. but I make it a learning experience.

Fandom absolutely treats heteronormative ways of thinking different than queerness. The many times we see people defending members from queer allegations is insane and it shows that queerness is seen as something less valuable/weird/abnormal 😡.

I have always seen Jk as a soft guy (which has nothing to do with his sexuality). Straight men can be soft, queer men can be tough. Tattoos say nothing about what someone is like.. I have tattoos and I’m all sorts of things none of which would have anything to do with my tattoos. My tattoos are an expression of what’s going on in my mind while for someone else it could be that they just like the look of it.

I think Jk is queer because he is attracted to men (Tae) it’s as simple as that really.

[lovepersevering13]

elaborate on tori springs autism

Ok I’m gonna start this by saying that the topic I’m most passionate about in the entire universe is Tori Spring (As well as Michael, Charlie and Oliver) being a very autistic coded character and so this post is a very long info dump about it because it consumes almost all of my waking thoughts.

Anyway, quick summary, I believe that Tori Spring has autism because of her social struggles, mannerisms and general outlook on life. Like how she always talks about not fitting in, she gets really obsessed with specific things (Star Wars and Solitaire) and she struggles to express her emotions, often leading up to an intense emotional outburst (Autistic meltdown).

Forewarning - I am obviously not a licensed psychiatrist (I’m literally just a mentally ill teenage girl) and so I don’t actually have the capability to diagnose anyone, I just have a lot of time to waste studying the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision) and analysing Tori Spring. Also, Autism is different for everyone and this is just one perspective of it based on research and the DSM-5 which obviously doesn’t cover every autistic persons experience. OH, Also, I tried really hard to focus on using ‘person-first’ language when I was writing it but I may have messed up a few times so let me know if I did! Also let me know if there is anything else incorrect here so I can fix it :)

Ok now that’s out of the way I will start with what we know is true: Tori Spring likely struggles with Depression. It’s a generally accepted fact amoungst the fandom due to Tori’s negative outlook on life and suicidal ideation (at the end of Solitiare). Now, why is this relevant? Well Autism and Depression are often comorbid diagnosis, people with Autism being 4 times more likely than Neurotypical’s to experience a diagnosis of Depression.

So she’s already got that going for her, let’s take a look at Solitaire and some excerpts from that which highlight different aspects of the Autism diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. This is based of what I annotated the first time I read Solitaire about a year ago there may be more that I missed.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

- “No- Tori just held a conversation by herself” - Becky Allen, Solitaire, Page 28

- “I think you’re breaking down.” I cough loudly. “I’m not a car.” Solitaire, page 311.

In this quote Tori is taking things wayyy too literally which is common amoungst many people with Autism due to the way they process information.

- “I think… it’s unlikely that anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump I doesn’t of a train for anyone else. That’s very counterproductive.” Solitaire, Page 45

Again the literal thinking (I also have this exact thought every time I hear this song).

- “I drift away and picture myself….” Solitaire, Page 33

Ok so I didn’t want to include this entire quote because it’s really long but essentially she’s thinking about what it would be like to be, for lack of better word, neurotypical. To be confident in social interactions and always say the right thing, say things that people are interested in and to not be awkward or shy.

- “I quite like cats, and I saw it for the first time at lunch in the cafeteria. I almost felt like I’d made a new friend,” Solitaire, Page 68

Often people with Autism prefer interaction with animals, this is theorised to be because social interaction with animals can compensate for a lack of social interaction with peers. Oh also a lot of people say that cats are kinda autistic coded animals because of their similar mannerisms to people with autism.

- “Emotions are humanities fatal disease.” Solitaire, Page 346

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

- “I think it’s important to make the effort. Social conventions and all,” Solitaire, page 43

- “I need to control my staring” Solitaire, page 45

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

- “Then again, I don’t feel very similar to anyone at all” Solitaire, Page 20

Many people who have Autism (Especially Women) often report that they don’t “fit in” with their peers, there are a variety of reasons for this but it is often related to masking and just generally struggling to socialise the same way their Neurotypical peers do.

- “There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.” - Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 61

This quote from Michael is one of my favourites in Solitaire and I feel heavily related to the autistic experience. It pretty much perfectly describes the experience of autistic masking.

- “I thought it’d be nice to try and rekindle this friendship. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Solitaire, Page 99

- “I’m no expert on social etiquette.” Solitaire, Page 140

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

- “I kick the floor and spin. The world hurricanes around me. I don’t know how long I do this,” Solitaire, Page 84

This quote is just Tori stimming, she stims quite a bit in the book but this was just one example I picked.

- “I watch that scene three times and then turn it off,” Solitaire, Page 102

- “Playing ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay over and over on repeat” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

These are another two examples of stimming that I wanted to include because it shows different forms of stimming (repeatedly watching or listening to something) that aren’t talked about as much.

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

- “It’s not a very funny programs but I still seem to watch at least on episode every single day.” Solitaire, Page 100

While this could just be because it’s on tv I figured if she really didn’t enjoy the show she could definitely watch something else. This is probably an example of “preservation” which is a coping mechanism that helps people with autism to find comfort in predictability and routine.

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

- “The matter of the fact is that Star Wars was actually a major obsession of mine when I was a kid” Solitaire, Page 24

Apparently most children don’t have extreme, obsessions that consume all of their waking thoughts (I cannot attest to this, I’ve been hyper fixating on random stuff since I was like 2). Anyway, hyper fixation is a sign of Autism which is often overlooked in girls because it’s usually something related to pop culture and is ignored as just being “fangirling”.

- “I have already stuck all of Solitaires previous posts. My wall is completely covered.” Solitaire, Page 297

This is only one example but if you’ve read solitaire you’ll know that Tori gets very obsessed with solitaire and especially toward the end of the book I’d argue that it does start to become quite a hyper fixation.

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

- “I started to feel all this hair on my forehead and my cheeks and how it plastered my shoulders and back and I felt it creeping around me like worms, choking me to death.” Solitaire, Page 15

So this is an example of sensory overload, while this can affect anyone, it is very common in people with Autism as they often have a hyper awareness of sensory stimuli, causing it to become very overwhelming. So this can happen with things like sound as well and I didn’t put it in here but there is another quote when she’s at Becky’s party talking about how loud it is.

- “At some point I fall asleep but I can here all these creaky noises coming from outside” Solitaire, page 65

So this quote isn’t exactly that special but it’s the way she brings it up every time she sleeps, like she’s so hyper aware of the sounds outside that it begins to prevent her from sleeping.

Here are some other miscellaneous quotes that I wanted to throw in because I think they are relevant:

- “Who would I be,” I ask at one point, “if I were any of the Big Bang theory characters?”

“Sheldon,” - Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 100

This quote is nothing really I just thought it was interesting that Charlie related Tori to Sheldon as he’s generally seen as another autistic coded character (No matter how problematic that may be, I haven’t actually seen the show I just know a lot of people with Autism think it’s poor representation)

- “I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that and I don’t understand yet.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

- “I’ve got to do something,” I keep saying,” Solitaire, Page 272

Ok so throughout Solitaire (and ‘This Winter’ and the ‘Heartstopper’ graphic novels) Tori displays a very high sense of empathy. Main examples of this are with her brother Charlie and in that scene where Ben Hope gets beat up at the Solitaire meet up. Stereotypically people with autism have a low sense of empathy but actually it’s a spectrum and many people with autism (more often girls) experience a heightened sense of empathy.

- “Before boys, before sex, before alcohol, before she started to move on while I stayed exactly where I was.” Solitaire, Page 353

In girls signs of Autism generally begin to manifest more during their tween/teenage years. Girls who appeared to be progressing at a similar rate to their peers may begin to fall behind due to the increased social and academic pressure. This quote could however be more related to Tori being asexual, which we will get into now.

Asexuality and Autism

As confirmed in volume 5 of Heartstopper, Tori Spring is asexual. People with Autism are 2-3 times more likely to identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially, the aroace community. The studies I looked at said around 30% of people with Autism also identified as aro/ace, this is also more common in women with Autism than men.

Autistic Meltdowns

So in addition to those direct quotes a repeated occurrence throughout Solitaire is Tori’s emotions bubbling up and eventually bursting out… and what could these outburst actually be? Autistic Meltdown.

The main examples that come to mind for Tori are the fight with Michael, that scene where Charlie asks if she’s ok and she starts crying and the scene where she’s talking to Lucas about Charlie at the concert.

Safe Foods

Ok Tori’s obsession with diet lemonade is kind of iconic. People with Autism often tend to have ‘safe foods’ that don’t trigger sensory issues, usually these are specific things with consistent, safe, tastes. For Tori, this is diet lemonade. Another thing to point out about this is the fact that she always uses straws which is possibly either a sensory thing or a routine :)

Ok, that’s about it… I don’t believe anyone would actually read all that but if you did… damn, thanks :))

Some of the resources I used:

https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sexuality/asexuality-and-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/autism-and-sexual-diversity?format=amp

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/08/the-bond-between-animals-and-the-autistic/623372/

https://socialcaretalk.org/experiences/life-autism-spectrum/autism-feeling-different-wanting-to-fit-in/

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

https://jackiesilvernutrition.com/articles/autism-safe-food/

[guilty-pleasures21]

Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!! You SUCK!

I'm actually going to start posting a new chapter everyday, just because 😁.

0. The Slow Burn

Part 1 - the meet-cute

Part 2 - the coffee mug

Part 3 - the spicy song

Part 4 - the absence

Part 5 - the watch/the sweet song

Part 6 - the backrub

Warnings: none.

----------------------------------------------------------

“So,” Jess began, her eyes flicking up to gauge X’s reaction, “you and Miguel, huh? Can’t say I’m not surprised.”

She froze, her eyes widening with terror at the implication of Jess’s words. She swallowed her food slowly, trying to keep herself calm as she replied. “What about me and Miguel?”

“Oh, come on, X!” MJ gave her a light smack on the arm. “It’s so obvious that you guys like each other!”

Another pause, another attempt at not choking on her food. Was it really? Did he like her? Like, like-like her? In the same way that she like-liked him? She kept her head down, trying to hide her blush from everyone else at the table.

“No way,” she protested weakly, pushing the last few grains of rice around her plate. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “There’s no way he likes me. Like that.”

How could he? When he was so handsome and strong and smart and … and she was just her. Small and quiet and with absolutely nothing to offer him. She slumped over, disappointed.

“Of course he does!” Ben reassured her, noting her sudden drop in mood. “It’s so obvious even I can tell.”

Her lips twitched at that, but she kept her head down, still hesitant to believe it.

“I don’t know,” she argued softly. She bit her lip, considering the next words out of her mouth. “What … Why do you think so?”

She looked up at them, the nerves written plainly all over her face. She must really, really like him. Jess grinned.

“Girl, you should have seen him when you weren’t around,” she informed X, waving her spoon in the air enthusiastically. “The man was basically throwing a tantrum the entire day!”

“Oh my God, yes!” Ben agreed, his eyes wide as he leaned forward in his seat. “I asked him if we had any cashew nuts left and he got so mad at me! He started cursing and swearing and everything!”

X let out an amused snort at the revelation, finally seeming to ease up a little. She returned her attention back to her food, rolling the rice around her plate.

“What does that have to do with me, though?” MJ and Ben sighed, both of them exchanging incredulous glances.

“Because!” MJ replied, insistent on making her understand. They’d be so cute together, after all, the big and grumpy Miguel who only ever let himself relax when he was around her, and the small and shy X who’d light up with excitement whenever she was with him. They made each other happy, and what more could anyone ask for?

“Hey guys,” Peter began, settling into the seat beside X. “What are we talking about?”

He looked around at their faces, trying to discern the subject from the excited looks on Ben’s, MJ’s and Jess’s faces and the hesitant smile on X’s.

“Peter!” MJ exclaimed, her expression transforming into one of victory as she looked at him. “Tell her! Tell X how much Miguel missed her when she was gone.”

Ohhh. So that’s what they’d been talking about. X glanced over at him nervously, her eyes wide as she waited for his answer.

“It’s true,” Peter revealed, giving her a gentle pat on the forearm. “He was practically counting down the days until you came back!”

She grinned, then lowered her head, letting her hair fall over her face to hide her blush.

“Oh.” Her voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the happiness in it. Then suddenly, a vibration buzzed through the air, causing her to jump in her seat. She looked down at her wrist and began tapping frantically on her watch, trying to stop the notification that her vitals were abnormally high.

“X? What’s wrong?” She turned around, startled to find Miguel standing right behind her. She froze, panicked, then turned around quickly, curling into herself to hide her expression from him.

“Nothing!” She winced when her voice came out as a squeak. Then she cleared her throat and tried again. “Um, nothing. What’s up with you, Miguel?”

He’d heard - he’d heard everything they’d said about him being agitated when she’d been away. And then he’d heard her heart, pounding in her chest at the thought that he might have missed her. He swung his leg over the bench, taking the seat on her other side. Then he glanced around at the others, his eyes narrowing in suspicion beneath his eye protectors.

“Are they bullying you?” She turned to him, lips parting in horror at the suggestion.

“No! No, they’re … they’re not bullying me.” She waved her hands, then lowered her head again, her lips curling into a shy smile that had his own heart racing. She brushed her hair behind her ear, then flickered her eyes back up to his, peeking up at him from beneath her curly lashes. Dios, she was cute. He cleared his throat, shaking away the thought.

“Then why was your heart beating so fast, arañita?” Oh God. Had he heard? Had he heard her heart speeding up at the thought that he might like her? That she most definitely liked him? As more than a friend? She pulled her gaze away from his, trying to ignore the warmth radiating off of him, the pure masculine scent of him flooding her senses.

“Um, did you … did you hear that?” she asked him apprehensively. “Or did you get a notification?”

The corner of his lips curled at her reaction. Could it really be true? Could she really have had a crush on him? A passing infatuation that would wear off once she knew the real him? His stomach curdled at the thought, his smile slipping slightly.

“I heard it,” he told her, wanting to tease her, to see that shy smile grace her lips once again. She tensed, her fingers curling into fists as she studiously avoided meeting his gaze. He lowered his head, his lips stretching wider as he tried to get her to look at him. “¿Qué pasa, arañita? Is something bothering you?”

He straightened when she looked up at him again, that devilish smirk taking over his features. God, he was so hot. She squeezed her legs tight, dragging her gaze away from his as she clasped her hands together. He carried on, undeterred by her lack of response. “Or someone?”

He reached out and scratched her waist lightly with his finger, causing her to let out a surprised squeak. He snickered at the sound, only getting more amused when her watch started buzzing again, signalling the increase in her heart rate. MJ reached across the table and punched him in the arm.

“Stop teasing her like that, Miguel!” she scolded him when he turned to glare at her. He returned his attention to X, raising an eyebrow and feigning confusion.

“I’m not teasing her,” he argued, convincing absolutely no one at the table. “I’m just worried about her vitals being so high.”

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably, wondering if he knew exactly why she was getting so flustered right now.

“I just have a naturally high resting heart rate,” she protested, still avoiding his gaze. “And I have an anxiety disorder! Therefore, I would like to petition for the sensitivity of my watch to be turned down. Just a little?”

She held up her finger and thumb, wincing as she awaited his response. He smirked again, holding his hand out for hers.

“Well, if your vitals are naturally so abnormally high,” he began, fiddling with her watch, “then maybe we should increase the sensitivity. Just a little.”

He pulled on her wrist, tugging her closer to him so that her knee was pressing against his. She let out a little whimper and, mierda, the sound of it, the reminder of how absolutely tiny she was compared to him, it drove him wild. He leaned down slightly, bending over to murmur in her ear.

“After all,” he continued, his fingers still curled around her wrist, “we wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you, would we, arañita?”

She looked up at him, eyes wide, lips parted in surprise, so close he could have leaned forward and brushed his own against them. Then her watch started vibrating again, and she pulled her hand out of his grasp, holding it close to her chest as she frowned up at him. Dios, she was cute when she was mad.

“You’re so mean, Miguel!” she huffed, getting up from the bench. She picked up her plate, going over to return it to the kitchen, and he followed after her, catching up to her easily.

“Arañita,” he called, grabbing her wrist to get her to stop. “I was only joking, arañita.”

She set her plate down, then turned around to face him, that adorable frown still etched onto her features. He took a step closer to her, forcing her to crane her neck back to look up at him.

“Here, let me fix it,” he reassured her, tapping on her watch again. She held her breath as he worked, trying to keep herself calm even though their proximity was making her heart leap out of her chest and into her throat. Finally, he released her, letting her arm fall back to her side. “There. It should be better now.”

“Um, thanks, Miguel.” She clasped her hands behind her back, that shy smile taking over her features as she shifted in place. “See you tomorrow!”

And then she ran off without another word. He crossed his arms, trying not to let out a frustrated groan as he watched her retreating figure. Ay, ¡por Dios! Why did she have to be so f*cking cute?!

She wasn’t here again - something about going out with a friend. But it was okay this time, because he knew he’d see her tomorrow. That didn’t stop the uncomfortable ache in his chest that made him feel like his day was missing something though. He rubbed his chin, studying the data in front of him. There was something he wasn’t seeing, something that X would have stared at for a minute and then figured out somehow. Maybe he’d just wait for her to come back.

“Lyla?” She popped up beside him immediately.

“Yes, boss?”

“Play some of that music that X always plays.”

“Copy that. Pulling up her playlist now.” She disappeared and then the sound of old-timey pop music began filling the room - well, old-timey to him anyway. He furrowed his brow, not recalling having heard this song before - he’d listen in sometimes, when she put her earphones in to start playing her music: because it helped her focus, she’d told him when he’d asked her about it. He’d grabbed her phone then, showing her how to connect it to the speaker system so that she could just play it out loud in the lab or the control room. Her eyes had widened with amazement and she’d treated him to that sweet smile he was getting far too fond of as her music started playing around them. He’d waved her thanks away, doing his best to ignore the way his heart fluttered in his chest as he turned back to his monitors.

‘Son esas ganas de sentirte cerca, al pronunciar tu nombre …’ He paused for a second, surprised by the Spanish flowing through the speakers. He knew she listened to Spanish songs sometimes, French ones too, but it always made his heart skip a beat, the reminder that she could understand his native tongue.

‘Qué está pasando, que esa carita divina, se ha vuelto mi medicina, y poco a poco yo me estoy sanando …’ His lips curled at the lyrics, a very specific little face popping into his head immediately: thick, curly lashes framing large, almond-shaped eyes, her full lips so soft and rosy. She had seemed to pop up in his life right when he'd needed it the most. And she never asked him for anything, nothing except his company, the two of them sitting in contented silence for hours at a time. And everything always seemed so much easier whenever she was around, less … scary. Just like in the song. He pulled out his tools, setting the data aside and deciding to work on some gadgets instead. He’d take a little break, come back to the problem after he’d given his brain some time to reset. And maybe she’d be back by then, there to lend a fresh set of eyes to the problem. But then the music started to fade away, the song changing to a new one, and he looked up, frowning.

“Lyla,” he called her back, “play the other one again. The Spanish one.” The song restarted and he felt his lips quirk at the ends again, the tension leaving his body as he settled down to get some work done.

She’d had fun today; going out with her friend to get some shopping done. But, of course, it still wasn’t as fun as hanging out with Miguel. So she’d changed into her suit when she’d gotten back, opening up a portal to take her to HQ. An unexpected sight greeted her when she entered the control room, however - or an unexpected sound, rather. Miguel stood on the platform, bobbing his head in time with the music as he fiddled with a gadget, his smooth, deep voice mumbling along to the lyrics of one of her favourite songs.

“Miguel?” she called to him, trying not to laugh as she webbed up to stand beside him. “What are you doing?”

¡Coño! He dropped his tools, startled by her sudden arrival. He hadn’t even heard her walk in, so absorbed had he been in the song. But what was she even doing here anyway? She wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow. She looked up at him, lips stretched into a wide smile, her face lit up with amusement as she waited for his answer.

“Uh …” he began slowly, trying to come up with a response. He gritted his teeth, flashing her an embarrassed grimace as he muttered out of the side of his mouth. “Lyla! Turn it off!” Thankfully, she did as he said, turning off the music without arguing back - for once. He let out an awkward chuckle.

“Uh, what are you doing here, arañita?” he asked. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to make it today.” She continued grinning at him, a hint of shyness tinging the edges of her knowing expression.

“Well, I … I wanted to see you,” she confessed, breaking his gaze for a moment. Then she looked up at him again, her features rearranged into an expression of mischief this time. “I didn’t know you missed me.”

“Oh.” He broke her gaze, afraid to use that word specifically to describe how he’d been feeling without her there. “Uh, well, it was just a little quiet, that's all.” He turned back to his desk, fiddling with the gadget there as he figured out what to say.

“Hmm.” She nodded thoughtfully and took a step closer to him, trying to tamp the happiness starting to bubble up in her chest. Had he really missed her? Just like the others had said? Just like she'd missed him? She kept her gaze fixed on his hands as she leaned into him, her eyes tracking the movements of his long fingers as he twisted and fidgeted with the gadget. “I missed you too, Miguel.”

He froze again, unsure if he’d heard right. He glanced over at her and found her gaze trained on the ground as she smiled and shifted on the spot shyly. His stomach flipped at the sight and he dragged his eyes away from her, tapping on the table nervously as he digested her response. She’d missed him - she’d missed him even though she’d only seen him yesterday. How much had she missed him then, that week she’d been away? As much as he’d missed her? He shook his head at the sudden thought, not wanting to admit how he felt about her - not even to himself. He bit his lip, thinking. Then he cleared his throat and returned his attention to the computer, pulling up the dataset he’d been having trouble with earlier.

“Uh, I … I was having some trouble analysing this data, arañita,” he informed her, turning to face her without meeting her gaze. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Could you take a look at it?”

Of course he’d never use the word ‘help’ - probably an oldest sibling thing, considering how she still struggled to ask for help too, sometimes. She grinned, delighted by how well she was beginning to know him, how soft and easy everything was with him. She clasped her hands behind her back and turned her attention to the screen, trying to keep her heart beat steady as she studied the data in front of her.

“Okay, yeah, this is … not right,” she told him, lips still curled into an amused smile. He raised an eyebrow, confused.

“What do you mean?” She stretched onto her toes and pointed at a set of numbers that didn’t seem to fit with the rest.

“These numbers make no sense at all,” she informed him, lowering herself back down again. “I don’t know if you accidentally typed in the wrong numbers or something, but … this ain’t right, boss.” It was the way she always said it, that playful smile on her face, that teasing tone of her voice. Dios, it drove him mad. He tucked his hands under his arms, his muscles clenching as his stomach gave another flip.

“Vale, I’ll … I’ll go back and check the raw data,” he acquiesced, waving her away, needing her to leave so that he could work on getting his emotions back under his control again. “You should go home, arañita: it’s getting late.”

He was so cute, the way he kept rubbing the back of his neck or clearing his throat or pulling his gaze away from hers. Was he nervous? Around her? Now she wished she had some of his super senses, so she could hear his heartbeat and be sure of it. She tugged her chair over and sank back into it, swivelling around as she looked up at the screen. “I’ll wait. We can go through the data together.”

She turned to him, smiling up at him in a way that made his heart stop beating in his chest. And he wondered what it would sound like, hearing the words ‘I love you’ fall from those lips, what they would taste like beneath his own, her body small and soft in his hands. Just like in the song. He tensed up, suddenly realising the direction his thoughts had been going in, and turned away from her quickly. He was being ridiculous. They were just … colleagues. Just two strangers thrown together by unfortunate circumstances. Just … His stomach curdled with each excuse, the words weighing heavily on his heart. Even he hated how they sounded in his mind. He slid his gaze over to her and she smiled at him again, waiting. But he couldn't let himself indulge in … whatever this was. They'd only get hurt and she might not have been able to see that, but he … he knew better. He gripped the edge of the table, considering his next words.

“Uh, actually,” he began slowly, trying to come up with a lie that would get her to leave. Not something that would hurt her though - he knew he wouldn't be able to stand the crestfallen expression on her face if he hurt her. If anyone hurt her. “I was just going to get someone else to take a look at it. You said you'd have a lot to do at work this week, so I already got someone else to cover all your stuff.” He waved her off in a way that he hoped was an adequate mix of dismissal and reassurance. Not so dismissive as to make her think she wasn't valuable, but not so reassuring as to convince her that she meant more to him than anyone else at HQ. It was perfect.

She pursed her lips, thinking. She could see how careful he was to control his instinct to push people away. He was still afraid to let her get too close - hence the dismissal - but a part of him seemed to have begrudgingly accepted that she wouldn't be pushed away so easily. He was trying, and that was all she'd asked for. So, she wouldn't push him. She stood up and took a step closer to him, her brain running through all the possible responses she could leave him with. And then, she found it.

“Great,” she replied unexpectedly, sidling up to him. “That means I get to spend more time with you.” She flashed him a cheeky smile, then opened up a portal to take her home, not giving him the chance to respond. Not that he would have had a response anyway: what could he say, after all, when she'd told him she'd missed him? When she'd said she liked spending time with him, just the two of them alone together? When he'd started to like it too? He sank back into his seat, clutching at his hair in frustration as he sighed loudly. Por Dios, she was going to be the death of him one day.

Tags: @leahnicole1219

[xoxopandapanda]

InuKag Week 2023: Day 1: Love Language(s)

@inukag-week

Day 1  Day 2  Day 3  Day 4  Day 5  Day 6  Day 7

AO3 

Fanfiction

He hadn’t really dealt with other people in any other capacity than a hostile one for most of his life, so Inuyasha didn’t always know how to read another person in the way someone socialized when young could. He struggled with always feeling as if the people around him were just waiting on baited breath to show him their hostility, and often believed others to be a threat to him when they were perhaps tying to do the right thing by him.

He was quick to snarl and snap at anyone who presented even a mild inconvenience to him, his mind always looking for threats that were not always there.

Kagome had squeezed into his life (starting with being squeezed to him by the madame caterpillar), and was never actually put off by his behavior. He would cut her off, insult her left and right, accuse her of things she didn’t do, and yet she still stuck around.

“Jerk.” His quip about her having slow legs was apparently louder than he intended. “You’re just abnormally fast.” She tossed him a look over her shoulder. “Not everyone is as athletic as you.”

Intended as an insult most likely, her words hit him differently. She thought he was athletic. Not a freak, not an abomination.

Athletic. The word bounced around in his head for the rest of the day.

Souta had told him once that women liked athletic men. He hadn’t really understood what that word was (and honestly still didn’t), but Kagome had used it to describe him.

Did that mean Kagome liked him? Like liked him?

Inuyasha used whatever excuse he could to go see Souta and ask more about what it meant to be athletic, much to Kagome’s dismay.

The two of them had huffed loudly at each other for a few minutes before she ran off to ‘study’ with some friends that Inuyasha had a vague notion existed. He knew they knew he was important to Kagome and that was all that mattered. He had established himself as a part of Kagome’s life and they were friendly to him mostly.

“Souta.” He announced, sitting down next to the boy as he played on the ‘television’. Bright lights and bouncing shapes filled his peripheral, but his focus was on Kagome’s brother.

Souta didn’t look at him. “What’s up?”

“What is an athletic man?”

Souta froze. The bouncing shapes stopped and a descending noise of disappointment left the TV. Inuyasha knew that meant Souta had lost (although what he lost was still a mystery). “What do you mean?” Souta looked at him with the same bewildered look Kagome had given him hundreds of times.

Inuyasha huffed and leaned back, crossing his arms across his chest. “You told me women like athletic men. What is an athletic man?”

Souta’s face relaxed as he leaned back on his hands and shrugged. “It’s a guy who is good at sports.”

“Sports?” Inuyasha furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Yeah, like running, jumping, hitting balls.” Inuyasha’s lean in and further crinkled face told Souta that his explanation was not working. “Using arrows to hit things? Swinging swords? Punching?”

“Fighting?”

Souta pondered for a second before saying, “Yeah, fighting without the killing part.”

Inuyasha nodded fiercely. “I’m good at that.”

Souta wondered if he meant fighting or not killing, but figured he didn’t really want an answer. “Athletic men have muscles and are good at sports.”

“I have muscles. And I’m good at sports.” Inuyasha’s chest puffed out as he sat ramrod straight. “I’m an athletic man.”

Inuyasha stood up abruptly and announced, fist pumping in the air. “I’m an athletic man, and Kagome must LIKE ME.”

Souta didn’t have time to react properly before Inuyasha had vanished from the house. Grandpa walked into the room, confusion drenched across his features. “What was that?” He asked his grandson.

Souta locked eyes with the older man. “I don’t know but I don’t know if it’s a good thing. Something tells me Kagome’s not going to be pleased with it.”

Kagome probably would not have been pleased with Inuyasha’s newly form conclusion that she was all but professing her love by calling him athletic. Instead, she was left in the dark as she, and by proxy the rest of the Inugumi, dealt with Inuyasha’s new found confidence and boldness.

Miroku had to leave Kaede’s hut when Kagome came back from her break in the future as to not insult his friend by accident.

Inuyasha had waited, not patiently but not anxiously either, for Kagome to walk in the door and loudly announce. “Kagome! You are athletic!”

Not expecting any sort of announcement of the kind from her half-demon friend, especially not a nice one, Kagome balked and rolled onto her heels from startlement. “Excuse me?”

“You are athletic!” Inuyasha repeated himself, his face becoming slightly flushed. “Am I athletic?” His voice dropped a bit with this question.

Miroku slunk past the priestess in training, covering his face and clenching his jaw. Whatever was going on was wild at best, and inappropriate at worst. Best to leave before it got worse and he had to mediate a solution.

Kagome moved to the side to the let the monk pass her in the door frame, her eyes still locked on Inuyasha, mind racing to figure out what was going on. If it was anyone else, she would have thought this was a prank happening. But Inuyasha was the most sincere and honest person she had ever met, so what was doing?

Kagome’s mouth opened and closed once, before she agreed. “Yeah, you’re athletic.”

“And that’s good, right?” Inuyasha’s voice was even smaller.

Kagome nodded, slipping her loafers off and stepping into the room. “Of course. It’s a great thing to be athletic.” She avoided making eye contact with anyone as she placed her backpack down and got settled in for the night. Whatever had sparked this outburst was not something she wanted to engage with, and she secretly hoped that by playing along with whatever had just happened would encourage Inuyasha to drop the fixation on being athletic.

Inuyasha let out a loud and pleased huff, squatting down to go through her backpack looking for snacks. Kagome took a chance to look over at Sango, who was sitting down, mouth agape, staring at Inuyasha’s back. At mentally connecting with Kagome, Sango shook her head and Kaede let out an audible snicker, causing Shippo to loudly ask, “What’s athletic?”

No one answered the child’s question, as no one wanted the experience to continue and he was easily distracted by candy.

Kagome would later learn what exactly was going on when Inuyasha told Koga off by shouting “Kagome likes me because I’m athletic! LIKE LIKES ME!”

Apparently, she had found a new love language with him.

[lem-argentum]

hi hi here’z a post of me rambling about some of the things in shadow.bringers, because i predicted i would be abnormal about it and i was right. 💛💛 <)

1. FIRST OF ALL. character writing. early into the game i remember reading someone say that shb improves a lot in giving you a lot of character moments. and i remember not entirely believing it because this game is usually so plot-driven that characters’ feelings are not the spotlight? and you especially don’t talk to them one-on-one in depth about emotions or anything. BUT AS IT TURNS OUT. THEY *WERE* TELLING THE TRUTH

from very early in..!! when you reunite with ali.saie and you have that talk with her on the tower overlooking the flood. VERY GOOD moment. just the two of you, her expanding on feelings that were introduced to you post-stb and prior, further establishing the relationship you have with her in a meaningful way. it sets up the fact that.!!! moments like this continue happening through the whole story forward…!!! lots of them…!!!! and it was so unanticipated on my side that when th.ancred just started talking to us about his struggles & insecurities in nuvy’s leavings i was like HUH!!!!!!??? AMND IT KEEPS HAPPENING. HELPS YOU CARE PROPERLY FOR THE CHARACTERS AND LETS YOU FEEL CLOSE WITH THEM. EMOTIONS FEEL LIKE THEY’RE GIVEN THE ATTENTION THAT THEY NEED, ITS GOOD. <3

2. tge setting. awesome. the premise is compelling all in itself. “world plagued by eternal light + essentially a zombie apocalypse with angelical beings” is a strong base especially in juxtaposition to earlier plots where the main threats are nothing like it. and the story leads you through different areas in such a smooth way, each introducing to you the effects of the flood on the people and auaug it’s got cool worldbuilding in it. <3 it’s not at all without its flaws (kholusia is super interesting in idea i’m a huge fan of “location has something deeply wrong with it but its residents are unaware” concepts, but, ya know. vau.thry’s whole deal could have been much better, hm……..!) but i’m in love with lots of it….. leadinf into:

3. emet-s.elch. making him a section is kind of funny HEKFK I THOUGHT HE WAS A GOOD VILLAIN. have not thought about him enough to super elaborate but the themes around him + amaurot are so oouuuououg. good. amaurot was such a change in atmosphere from places we’ve seen before and the ENERGY. was SO. AUGH. (its theme, the ticking clock, the the the….!!.!) having its destruction be a dungeon was also a great idea. having us go through the calamity ourselves to experience what it was like & the loss he’s been dealing with for eons. it’s cool. OH AND TALKING SPECIFIC CHARACTERS:

4. ARDBERTTTTTTTTTTT. MY FRIEND. MY BESTIE. I HAVENT MENTIONED HIM BEFORE. BUT HE’S EVERYTHING. you could argue he has one of the best narratives out of any character here ever. the scenes you share with him are so so special i understand why people like him so much. warriors of darkness my beloved your writing gives me So Much Feeling.

5. The Themes. in general. okay SO. you could really write an essay on how shb feels like it was written for suicidal people. truly. at the very beginning you are introduced to the premise of “your friends have figured out that you are destined to die. and they have spent their past years trying to stop it.” and that’s not the entire deal, you all still have a world to save, the focus is on that, but that theme is still there, in the background, and whenever it shows itself it is so potent. to me.

this game has a core of hope and survival and it’s a central point constantly. but in shb…. it feels most directed at you. the exarch tells you to survive at all costs, that it’s the one request he must impose on you. to “burn bright again, and live.” ali.saie has you promise against self-sacrifice (several times, actually!). and with the way everything is worded, it’s hard not to feel like the message is from real people, urging you to stay.

when the warrior of light is, well. consumed by the light. when emet tells you, in front of everyone, how much of a danger you will be, how you will inevitably hurt and ruin everyone around you — the only thing on their minds is curing you. not getting rid of you, even with all the world’s corruption inside of you. you wake up in a soft bed and are told of how busy everyone has been, desperately searching for any other route for you. (and, of course, that’s the obvious course of action for people who care about you, but to players who struggle to see that as at all reasonable, it means something…!!)

you see the light in the sky above you and KNOW it’s because of you that it’s there. that if you were gone the first would be free. and then you are told that there is hope, that you and everyone else will find another ending to this, and if they can’t, they will forge one. and everyone insists on being by your side even when who you are could bring about their doom at any moment. and ITS GOOD………!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all this to say: i understand why this is most players’ favorite expansion. um. game good, meant a lot to me. :’) THE END <3.

(AND TAKING A MOMENT TO PUT MY FAVORITE SHB TRACKS HERE, OK? OK <3. special shoutouts to to fire and sword (HELL YES.), sands of blood and the quick way (the night themes being so intentionally calm & elegant compared to their daytime counterparts really makes you think doesn’t it.), mortal instants (yeaahhhhhhhg. <3), who brings shadow (THE CROWD ERUPTS IN CHEER). OKAY THE END <333)

[vinnymauro]

Fic Title Game: your words are like gasoline

this is giving me enemies to lovers. two people in close proximity who have to spend their days together and they hate it. i was originally going to do edancy bc they speak to me always but i’m actually thinking that i might do stali. i rewatched the lost sister while thinking about this so i have all the kali thoughts and feels. and now i’m thinking about a canon divergence fic where kali came back for el to help defeat vecna and they do blah blah blah. and she decides to stay with el and her policeman and ends up getting a job. one of those ultimatum bullshit deals hopper makes. and where does she get a job now that robin’s left for college? at family video.

your words are like gasoline

you’ve got to be shitting me. that was her first thought as the orange dusted man handed her an ugly green vest with a pin placed over the breast. the material was scratchy and not in a good way. the pin read: how can i help? get her out of this podunk town for starts. if it wasn’t for jane, kali would have split months ago. it’s what she was good at, moving on, finding somewhere new to cause mayhem before moving on again. never be stationary. that was one of her rules. kali had a lot of rules for someone who didn’t care for society’s rules. she didn’t, of course, she believed that the people should self-govern and be themselves. which is why she has her own personal rules. 1. don’t get caught. 2. never stay in one place too long. 3. don’t get attached. they were all perfectly sound and logical rules. ones she didn’t make a habit of breaking. she did not get caught, ever, which is great considering she probably would have looked worse in orange. but even as she put on the vest, feeling her insides crawl as she did so, she broke rule number two. she’s been in hawkins for months. pretty much all summer and now it’s fall, with halloween just around the corner, and she was just hired to work at family video. kali couldn’t even remember the last film she’s watched, not a lot of time to go to the cinema as someone constantly on the run. her stomach felt weird. kali didn’t do nerves or anxiety. it was useless to fret over the inevitable and the uncomfortable. she lived in those spaces, purposely and spitefully. this feeling in her gut and chest felt abnormal. she hated it. she hated it more as it worsened when she was introduced to her coworker. the guy she’ll have to spend all of her shifts with as the manager, mr. processed cheese dust works at the arcade next door. her coworker seemed nice. clean cut, in a striped polo and jeans without a rip in sight, and the same ugly vest she had to wear over her torn to shreds outfit. his hair was about as high as hers but painfully plain. no dye, no shaved bits. he was a fucking cookie cutter model citizen. “you have got to be shitting me.” the worst part of it, the bit that twisted her stomach up more, was that steve harrington didn’t like her. it was evident to her from the first moment they met, the protective way he distrusted her and she only made matters worse by getting into his head. since then any run in they had together resulted in bickering and insults. usually about each other’s warring appearances or something equally as shallow and petty. sometimes they’d say something aimed to hurt at the other which left the tension between them thicker and uncomfortable. even though seeing him made her feel different, she tried to revel in just how uncomfortable she made steve harrington. maybe she just liked watching him squirm. that crinkle in between his eyebrows. the way his lower lip juts just slightly when he’s annoyed. maybe she just liked looking at him. wait. no. that can’t be it.

send me a made up fic title and i’ll tell you what i’d write

[teamhawkeye]

if you popped into the Ted tag in the past two or three days, you might have been hit with the sight of a supposed DM between “him” and a fan:

however, this appears entirely false and i’m fairly certain i can prove it’s fake:

1.) Ted doesn’t talk like that. it is the most jarring part of all, aside from that this was probably entirely fabricated altogether. i’m not saying i’m privvy to his DMs or texts and how he messages people but it’s so far off from how he interacts with people on social media that it genuinely doesn’t read as him at all

2.) the misaligned text and the randomly fluctuating text size. the text size is not congruent throughout, the first message is abnormally larger than the next 3 lines, and those lines don’t match each other at all - even with the shot taken at an angle as it is, they would not look like that tilted. it is not leveled flat and straight like normal text would - nothing about it matches what an actual message layout would appear as

3.) there is not a single timestamp or date included. it is impossible to hide timestamps with the current instagram UI at the very start of correspondence in DMs

let me walk you through it-

screenshots of DMs through iPhone:

screenshots of DMs through Android/Samsung:

you can only get the giant PFP, the followers count, post counts, whether or not you follow each other, and any accounts you both follow from the very start of your DM correspondence - meaning this only shows up with the very first messages you send to an account. after sending more messages, the block of account information is no longer visible as it gets pushed up by further exchanged texts

you will also always have a date and/or timestamp at the top of the beginning of your first DMs, that’s not exclusive to one phone or tablet OS - the app itself is fairly congruent between different brands and their OSs. it is also not exclusive to accounts that follow each other or not

any other DMs from that point on will look generially like this:

you can literally only get the giant PFP, follower count, post count, etc. from the very start of your correspondence, it disappears with the more messages exchanged. and it will not appear anywhere else except on mobile or tablet

all DMs look like this from desktop - it doesn’t matter which browser, because i tested it on Firefox, Chrome, and Edge (screenshots i can also share, if you want them) and they all are the same:

dates and timestamps still at the top of the start of message threads - you cannot remove dates and timestamps from the beginning of direct correspondence with the way the instagram UI is now - it will always show the date and/or time the very first message was sent. and the block of instagram account information will only appear at the very start of messages first being exchanged

also, the big PFP, follower count, post count, etc. is not available  through desktop, only mobile and tablet, so it cannot be duplicated anywhere else

there is too much not adding up and the fact that it has proven impossible to replicate through conventional means leads me to believe and state with conviction that it is fake, manufactured

i’m not sure which app was used to do it, but based on how the picture was taken - the angle and the distance - leads me to believe a watermark or app interface was cropped out purposefully. there are multiple apps and sites out there that can be used to create such fake interactions, but beyond not knowing just which one was used, i’m also not going to exhaust myself trying to search more than i have

could i be wrong? yes, i’m not going to say that it’s impossible for me to be missing something, i’m not an instagram expert by any means

do i think i am wrong? no. too many things just don’t add up

i’m more than willing to eat my own words if everything i’ve just laid out can be proven wrong, but i genuinely cannot replicate what is displayed in that screenshot, which leads me to believe it is fake

it also lends precedent that she has been lying repeatedly about supposed interactions that i also believe have never taken place. but that’s for a whole different post of its own

if, again, anything could be brought to light to prove anything i just said to be incorrect, i would gladly recant. but i don’t see that happening. she’s locked down every account she has and the likelihood of Ted seeing any of the fuss being made about all this goes down every day, since he is so rarely online and interacts with so few replies and almost no @ s from people he doesn’t follow

[maria-eve-falcon]

The past is a happy place

Caution : this is a theory based on some psychics (I’ve linked the sources) and my gut feeling from the song tis the damn season and the fact that she wrote it when she was drunk (aaron said something like this) and the sheer rawness of the song. (and maybe this is also projecting) I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I just wanted to mention this cause 2 people , 3 times have almost mentioned this. Take everything with a grain of salt please as I myself don’t believe in everything psychics say cause they all talk about possibilities. this is a theory and I mean no harm or shade to anyone. And if you are planning on reading, this will be LONG

https://youtu.be/rHfQb5N4U7I?t=335 ( secret crush) (click and you’ll know what I’m talking about)

https://youtu.be/nktwP_c085c?t=272 (an ex she keeps checking on)) (click and you’ll know what I’m talking about)

So, I always thought celebs tend to reminsce the time before they got famous as a good time because fame takes their ‘normal’ away. So, they tend to idealize their past. Everything I say next will be based on this mostly so buck up!(if you plan on reading, obviously)

Maybe during re recordings she remebered these feelings again maybe (ik , I heard it but it’s just a thought ) about that person in her home town. 

Maybe she kept thinking about the ‘what ifs’ . that ‘normal’ that she rejected. That road not taken. That innocent times of being in love when you don’t worry about anything. I feel she still idealizes that as ‘perfect love’ or ‘looks real good now’ or ‘the warmest bed’ 

So, when she was in an actual, her reality’s lifestyle adult relationship and they had problems (lmao lbr nothing is perfect . not fighting or having no arguments ever is as abnormal as picking fights without reasons) she kept thinking if she was in her hometown maybe.. Just maybe things.. Would be.. Simple. And innocent. That’s why we never forget these young love moments. Those are the simpler times.

So while I think she was ready to settle, she had her doubts. And joe knew about them. I feel, he at least got a hint of that . 

Besides she seems like bit of a commitmentphobe to me.(imo, and idt it’s her fault for being a bit) Because lbr, after paper rings, it’s hard to think joe wouldn’t think about proposing (he doesn’t strike me at all as commitmentphobe but he maybe a bit too specially where his career is rn kinda normal) and if he didn’t propose after that! They must have talked about it or the relationship wouldn’t go on for almost 4 more years after lover. (I am aware of her wanting kids and wanting to get married since forever but something always seemed off to me ) 

So whenever there were fights or something needing to be sorted out she went back to those ‘we were happy’ idealizations. 

Now about this ‘ex she checks on’ , ‘ secret crush she has’ mentioned by antphrodite (sp?) in the first two vids and ‘ a person from work she has a crush on’ from that blog I linked could be anyone, but tis the damn season kinda gave me vibes like it could be a normal person who will become the person she needs and wants to be with. (i’m not ruling out joe either) . that or not, it’s defs not matty (idk how the blogger I linked got the idea that matty is gonna be a good person all on a sudden, he doesn’t even seem to understand what he did was wrong and people can be hurt by people’s words. I mean someone from work doesn’t essentially have to matty. Look at their compatibility! Harry is more compatible with her! And harry is her least compatible ex if not conner ) 

Please be reasonable. And idk or think the guy she has a crush on is compatible either tho.judging by my theory , he is a normie. And that will never work for her.  Period. She’ll always endure a lil bit of fame (also who knows if the other person can take her everything.yk) now if this guy can make her literally hide with him , maybe . or she wants to stop all of it just sit somewhere and make occasional music. Or maybe they could work! Who knows?! 

But I feel he is just not compatible with her . but she keeps thinking back and forth bout him cause she just can’t let go of the ‘road not taken’ and her ‘what ifs’

Also her way of moving on is weird. She gets into rlts real quickly after one (never leave well enough alone) ,lbr. Which can lead to having a lot of unresolved issues with her exes and , the biggest one, herself. That may be a barricade to let someone actually completely be just a happy memory i.e. letting someone go. Cause lbr, if you have unresolved issues about a rlt , these thoughts may come back and what ifs too! She is not a very ‘owning up’ person , so there is that. She needs to sort things big time actually.