#i’ll be fine tho i just need therapy

[loucutie]

super depressed and in pain bc it’s 38 degrees out and i physically can’t do anything when it’s cold like my body is Stiff and it fucking sucks and i took my adderall this morning bc it helps distract from pain but i’m also just so throughly depressed like i’m 24 and i can’t do anything without assistance in some capacity. i always feel like a burden and i drain everyone around me i feel like a bottomless pit of take take take and no matter how much my partner or my family or friends say i’m ok i feel useless. i can’t drive, i haven’t gone to college yet, i don’t have skills, i can only work a job for so long before i get fired or quit bc of my pain. i lost the house i grew up in after grandma died and my mom was getting paid to take care of her so she lost her mom and her job and i feel responsible. i got sick in middle school and she was in her last rotation for dental assisting but she left school to help me bc i couldn’t get out of bed without physical assistance. she could’ve had a career and financial freedom but she left school to take care of me full time and i carry that with me everyday. my dream is have a history doctorate i want to study archiving i want curate entire exhibits. i haven’t even gone to community college. i tried but had to fail out bc of attendance. professors were unwilling to prerecord lectures or even let me attend virtually. that’s why seeing how quickly schools made accommodations for virtual learning made me so angry. the exact protocols for online learning especially in the area i went to school are things my mom and i spent my whole high school career fighting for. when i requested to be able to zoom into class i was told it was ridiculous and it was just never going to happen but flash forward 2 years and it suddenly matters to accommodate able bodied students. location shouldn’t stop a child from learning! but it didn’t matter when it was me bc i’m already a lost cause. black, poor, physically disabled, why should we help her pass? it’s not like she’ll make anything of her self so let’s not waste the resources. i graduated by the skin of my teeth. i start working at a second hand teen clothing store (iykyk) it’s great and they’re willing to accommodate my needs. i work there for years but my body gave out and i couldn’t pretend to be “normal” so even with all the accommodations i still had to leave bc i couldn’t handle it. i apply for community college and it’s great for a while until my professors decide not to accommodate me anymore. one of my professors is also disabled. he had no interest in my 504 plan. i emailed him my dr note for missing class a couple days in a row and he emailed me back saying essentially he can’t worry about me and even if i have notes he refuses to record his lecture and so any info i miss is my problem. i asked what i could do to make my accommodations easier for him. keep in mind this is a cis white man who also uses mobility aids. he told me that i need to help myself more and stop relying on others. at the same time i’m also being medicated for my adhd for the first time and trying to adjust. i asked my english teacher for extra explanation on an assignment and she took every single opportunity to belittle me. i even explained my recent diagnosis and she said that if it’s not on my 504 she does t have to do anything about it and told me to ask classmates about it. she constantly critiqued without teaching us how to do better. a truly vile woman who is def racist (like when she failed my paper on the angry black woman stereotype bc “i don’t understand how being powerful and strong could be a negative thing. women have been seen a delicate and too weak to do anything so this must just be something you made up” and in the next essay prompt she put a little not that said not to talk about taxes or religion or social justice bc “my taxes are high enough.” like she writes grants for the hospital in the area which is terrifying. a racist writing grant for a hospital that has a history of profiling it’s patients.)

all of this to say i’m having the worst time with self worth and confidence in my abilities. i don’t have anything to show for living this long i can’t even drive a car or cook that well or move around when the weather is cold. laying in bed for rest is the most isolating experience. when i was a kid my days were just taking medication that would make me sleep for hours, wake up to eat something and watch animal cops, take more medicine, and fall back asleep. it was truly the worst experience of my life. i lost so many friends and even family bc i couldn’t physically get out of bed.

this pain has taken everything from me and so tired. i want to do something with my life but i’m terrified i’ll have to give it up bc i can’t stand for too long or be in cold temps too long or bend over or lift anything heavy. it’s so isolating. my partner is helpless when i’m having a bad pain day bc she’s a doctor but knows she can’t do anything for me in the moment. i know how much of a burden my disability is on my friends and family and i hate myself so much for it. i’m grateful they love me but i don’t want to trap them in this with me. they say they don’t mind but can see the toll it takes on them. i hate seeing my partner cry bc i’m in so much pain and she can’t do anything. i feel so guilty when she gets home from work and has to help me bc i couldn’t get out of bed all day. i feel like i’ve been afforded too much kind that i didn’t earn. all i do is ask for help or hurt myself trying to do it myself. both are humiliating in completely different ways.

i’m so exhausted like physically mentally emotionally exhausted.

[theartinmyheart]

-

[shoveitevil]

ok lock in time

[coco-loco-nut]

Father’s Day

pairing: max verstappen x reader

summary: max is dating an international star

a/n: i literally had this idea last night and had to write a short blurb, i promise i am writing other stuff tho 🫶

masterlist

————————

y/username happy father’s day, daddy. i love you and your big…

maxverstappen1 anything to share with me?

y/username not pregnant, just letting everyone know how turned on you get me

maxverstappen1 love you too, schat

user12 anyone else not getting it, like she is so hot and he is 😬

y/username you know that one barbie scene with the rock? that’s my maxie. also if you think he’s ugly, that’s fine, more of him for me 😍

user98 Y/N BARBIE FAN CONFIRMED

y/username priority 1: old barbie movies priority 2: max

user3 ON THE MAIN?

user33 PR monster got her, I really wanna know what she was about to say

recordlabel we don’t… we actually want bleach for our eyes

redbullracing we will share our bleach if you send us demos of her next album 👀

charlesleclerc Go on, finish the sentence, I dare you.

y/username his big heart, ego, ass, trophy case, therapy bill from childhood trauma, i could keep going on but i don’t want to make you feel emasculated

user62 okay, but like how did he bag her?

y/username he has incredible rizz, and look at him🤤

“Happy Father’s Day, Maxie,” you grin as Max lays on you lap, looking up at you with his beautiful blue eyes.

“You aren’t pregnant, Schat,” he laughs, your fingertips gently scratching his scalp.

“We could change that, get some practice in for after the wedding?” you watch his eyes widen as he quickly sits up.

“Practice makes perfect, why don’t we practice now?” Max suggests, picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom.

Your wedding is small, only some close friends and family in attendance. The ceremony takes place in your backyard, no reception beyond a dinner afterwards.

Despite both your respective fame levels, you didn’t want anyone knowing of the marriage. Fans still thought you were dating, so when you got a positive pregnancy test, you were extra careful.

Max was grateful that you had a private recording studio in the house, for when you needed to drop the album. You didn’t mean to choose the surprise drop date to be at the end of your pregnancy, nor Father’s Day, but life worked in funny ways.

“Happy Father’s Day, Maxie,” you softly say, handing the little bundle off to Max.

“This is the best present, he’s beautiful,” Max hold back tears as he holds his son close to his chest.

“I’m not sure if I will be able to top this next year,” you laugh a little, your tiredness making an apparent after a long labor.

“You should take a nap, I’ll be okay with him,” Max runs a hand though your sweaty hair. To him, you’ve never looked more perfect.

“I have one thing to do first,” you yawn, pulling out your phone. Max slides into the hospital bed beside you, you immediately nestle into him, his warmth enveloping you.

instagram

y/username SURPRISE! midnight rain is out now! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it for the past four years. There is so much in my life that happened, so enjoy my journey through heartbreak, love, and growth. I want to quickly thank Max and my team for making this possible 💙

user1 AHHH this is so good, but didn’t she and Max break up? Why is she thanking him?

user3 dude, i think they are married, did you listen to everything else

user4 yeah, she had some songs about marriage, but she hasn’t been at any races since last year

user10 did y’all see the statement saying there won’t be a tour for the album?? crying in the club

user11 Okay, but Robin?? secret child??

maxverstappen1 endlessly proud of you, schatje

user5 we get it bro, she wrote Dress and The Alchemy about you

maxverstappen1 our little robin decided to hatch 💙

danielricciardo So happy for you and Y/n, mate. Big day for the Verstappen family, can’t wait to hold the little guy!

y/username he will love his Uncle Danny

y/username he’s perfect, just like his daddy

redbullracing what a gift for father’s day! sending our gift to you 💙

user42 guys, y/n’s song credits changed…

user21 OMG MAX AND Y/N ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A KID???

[elderdragonblu]

Spoilers for the first two episodes of the new Life is a strange game so if you don’t want to see this then please scroll past to the bottom for my note :)

Sorry if it’s ranty I’m passionate

I absolutely hate how they took the game. In most parts.

My opinion of it is that the game and environment are so cool. Like the characters are cool and like the people and the college are interesting, but they shouldn’t have used max Caulfield for their main character. It’s what the original developers wanted and to have he in this new environment in a way that makes it feel unnatural to her character

Speaking of which. Her and Chloe’s breakup is entirely out of character for both, but Chloe especially. Chloe sending a letter and saying Max needs to stop living in the past and that she hopes she’ll live in the future with someone else?? GIRL. After we kill the whole town for you?? That’s not a trauma that takes a day to heal she probably didn’t have therapy road-tripping and how can she? Shes time traveling, what the fuck is she even supposed to say? Not to mention Chloe was stuck in the past when Max got to her with her father. Not that she can’t grieve for her dead dad, but jfc make the breakup believable. Chloe out of everyone should be able to understand MAX’S POSITION.

The texts messages are also weird? Like Chloe is a mix between immature and mature and tbf I haven’t seen much of them, but they’re just so weird. I won’t speak further, but it feels like… idk, the writers are fighting to figure out what they want with her. (Sidenote the desert picture got of her green hair and I personally fucked with it so).

Also people claiming that Victoria and Chloe are flirting are a jumping a little overboard. I’ve seen it only once and honestly like, maybe it is flirting, but I think it could also just as much be a hangout. Don’t take my word for it, tho. I’m not the most qualified to be talking so.

That’s partially why I think choosing Chloe’s death is just the easier option. Because they butchered her character so bad post-bae ending that I’d rather have Chloe dead and go date some other chick bc fuck that. I’d rather have an in character Max mourning the lost love of her life and what she had to give up then out of character Chloe breaking things off with Max.

Speaking of the new love interest, the only positive thing I’ll say on that and most of the game is that I actually really like Amanda. She seems really sweet. I like the characters, I like how they talk with Max. I wasn’t a huge fan of them earlier, but I think my issues were mostly that they felt like replacements of the old cast, which in some parts are true. I do like the dynamic, tho, and I do enjoy that Max is secretive abt her past and herself. Especially the trauma, it feels in character in some aspects.

I haven’t gotten far into the game, only most of chistes 1. So I won’t speak on the story much, but I have seen some characters that parallel Nathan and Jefferson so that’s making me worried. I just don’t want them to, and they’re already doing it, to just put life is strange 1 in front of us in a different font and that’s more expensive.

The close and style of Max have grown a little. I personally liked what they were building in the game and the comics. It’s not a huge deal to me, but I thought those styles helped stand out as a main character. Then again she’s essentially thirty I think in the game so maybe I’ll cut her some slack.

SPOILER END

As always, tho, please don’t harass anyone over the game. If they like it, that’s awesome!! Lis1 was a shit show in story too at times, im not saying the games are cinematic masterpieces. My problem is when creators take beloved characters and butcher their entire characters. Max and Chloe were fine before they were messed with. They were never meant to have a game after the storm for a reason. I wish they would’ve respected that.

However, I’ll be following the development of the game and probably write fix it fics again 💀

[unnervinglyferal]

Hiii

idk I have anything much to say really

uhhh I have some screenshots of a Typical Straight Guy™ from a dating app if you wanna see him call me a “slapper” for not wanting to sleep with him if you wanna see them

I made a new minecraft skin if you wanna see that

I’ve been not managing to go to a sexual health clinic for like a week now (I have to plan it beforehand and shower successfully at the right time and haven’t been quite doing that)

huh ig I do have things to say

I might be too unwell for talking therapy currently? That’s what my therapist suggested might be the case (we’re thinking I should be fine as long as we stick to easier stuff). Also we’re looking to get a second opinion about me getting some mood stabilisers or anti-depressants or some such (that’s about my psychiatrist tho, not psychologist/therapist).

my bf - did I mention I currently have a bf? - anyway his phone broke and couldn’t text me so I assumed he was ghosting me but in fact he was desperately trying to reach me through other messaging methods which I don’t check regularly. And honestly although I was sad about the presumed ghosting and him not being into me anymore I was also kinda relieved? cos he says he Loves me and definitely means it but we haven’t been dating all that long so I think it’s just infatuation and I don’t wanna break his heart but idk how much I like him like that.

I might be lithoromantic honestly (meaning I feel romantic attraction only if it’s unreciprocated) but I do not have enough data points. And it might just be cos depression yada yada

I had this kinda conversation with my therapist and I just hate that I can’t get closure on any of this or resolve anything, I just need to not think about any of it cos if I properly confront it I just get suicidal and it’s just… exhausting.

ik it’ll get better and I’ll be happy in the future but I’ve been suicidal for 5 fucking years. why does it have to take so fucking long man.

ugh this turned out to be longer and sadder than originally intended so I’m gonna send the aforementioned media in another ask to make me feel better

Closure is a fake thing that's not real. Once the situation is over, you make peace with yourself and yourself alone. And it's going to take as long as it takes, but I promise life can be better than that. Even if you've never known anything else, it's out there, things can be better. A tadpole that was born in a bucket has no idea that there's a world outside of it. You've just got to hold on, try to make things better a little bit at a time.

You don't have to break things off with the guy just because you're scared of what might happen. Just be honest with him and let him make his own choices about it with the information that he has. If he doesn't want to protect himself from getting hurt by you - even by accident, without meaning to - you can't do that for him. You can't really do much on behalf of other people, really. And everyone gets their hearts broken at some point, it's like losing your baby teeth. Part of growing up.

...Also what the fuck is a slapper.

[lux-scriptum]

Re-Re-Introductory Post

Hi! My name is Lucas (Luc or Lux works just fine!). I use he/him pronouns. I’m 26, and I’ve been writing for well over a decade now. I’ve had this blog since 2015, and I have no plans on leaving any time soon. I enjoy talking about my projects, my current character hyperfixation, and offering any nuggets of wisdom my years of writing may have produced.

I write fantasy of all flavors. While urban fantasy is my leaning, I have a couple high fantasy projects as well. My favorite thing to do is something I affectionately call frankengenres. (Perhaps a misnomer, but a fun word.) My casts are all queer of some flavor. I adore worldbuilding, with fondness for finding a reason to add wings to characters (leftover from my obsession with angels and demons), and building all new god pantheons. I like to play with concepts in my writing like morality, and trauma both personal and generational, and healing, and turning into creatures, and anything else I might be processing between therapy sessions. All of my writing is tagged under my writing, and usually the character name/project name.

My big projects I’m likely to talk about are Personal Demons, Ichor (godsuckers), Dragonmarked, or Give Me Ur Eyes (temporary title). My minor projects are many, but the ones I can remember at the moment are the Warped wip, the polyam supernatural wip, the witchy nun story, the twisted trio, opulent dreamer, tons of aus and such, and technically Lev n Fax, tho that one is “complete” in theory. Might edit it up one day if I end up self-publishing PD, since it (and a few of my minor projects) are in the same universe. Also, me and @fragmentedink wrote Hell to Pay as a collab au, and we’re in theory working on the second generation right now.

If you find my old introductory post, you’ll see that I said I had dyslexia, but in January of 2020 I went to get fully diagnosed and it turns out I just have severe ADHD that was making it hard for me to read. I was supposed to get diagnosed with autism via a specialist for adults and I... did not follow through.

I do ask you don’t tag me in tag games. I have really bad anxiety, and even though I know no one gets mad that I don’t fill them out, I still stress an awful lot when I can’t fill them out. I just don’t have the time or the energy.

My askbox is always open though! I take prompts constantly, and you’re free to ask me anything. I tend to get on at night more than daytime when it comes to asks, but I’ll get around to them eventually!

I don’t currently have an FAQ, but hey, that might be a thing in the future, I don’t know. We’ll see. There doesn’t seem to be a need just yet. Also I procrastinate real bad. 

My cat’s name is Luna, and she’s fat and I love her. If you want to see her, her tag is Luna at large.

[aurumacadicus]

My kingdom for fics where okay wait a minute this has facets. Bullets then.

1) Steve doesn’t like to ask for things because it makes him feel weak. He’s part of the Greatest Generation (the GI Generation, if you will). He grew up experiencing the greatest economy and a technology boom (radio, telephone, cars), but he also experienced the tail-end of the Spanish Flu Pandemic and the stock market crash and following Great Depression. He grew up sick with a working mother and (in some iterations) an abusive father. This man would rather crawl off and cut a bullet out of himself than walk into medical and have someone else do it because he doesn’t want people to see him as fallible.

2) This is Tony’s biggest beef with him. He’s rich, he’s never going to be able to spend all of the money he has, and as such he likes spoiling his friends. And Steve never fucking wants anything, even seems distrustful and annoyed when Tony gives him things he’s sure he’ll like, like art supplies or a motorbike upgrade. He uses them begrudgingly at first because he doesn’t like waste and Tony sees him using them and just keeps buying those things for him. Steve hates it but he can also tell that Tony would be terribly hurt if he told him so, so he stoically keeps his mouth shut because he’s good at it.

3) Absolute fucking astonishment, this helps Steve see that he deserves things that are not Duty and he starts to heal a little bit. Doesn’t seek therapy tho, what is he, a pansy lol (😰) even though he could really use it. He is very tired of the entirety of the team telling him to see a psychiatrist. He was in a frozen coma for seventy years just leave him alone.

4) Steve and Tony start dating! Who didn’t see this coming tho. Anyway they start learning about each other, growing together, it’s all very sweet and Natasha started strangling Clint when he started to pretend to gag so that’s nice.

5) Steve becomes comfortable enough with Tony that he gets the courage to ask for something. Could be anything, really, but for purposes of this post let’s go with ummmm a dog. And Tony is immediately delighted! Steve asked him for something! This is wonderful! Forget saying “I love you,” this is a way bigger step (and quite frankly something he never believed would happen) so he’s over the moon! Of course we can get a dog! And by we I mean that I’ll pay for everything and you can walk it and clean up after it. (Steve is actually okay with this because Tony can barely remember to take care of himself when he gets busy, he just thinks that it would be nice to have something with a heartbeat to cuddle while Tony’s jetting off doing Important Business Things and Tony thinks this will be good because dogs have been proven to be therapeutic.)

6) Steve gets a dog, and it hates Tony. I’m talking growling when Steve isn’t near to hear it, snapping at Tony’s ankles (Steve always scolds it, and it stops for a while, but then Tony goes on a business trip and it starts all over again), peeing on anything Tony leaves lying around, it’s chewed up three StarkPads and torn apart his pillow. “It’s fine, it just needs a little more training,” he tells Steve every time it happens, because this is the first thing Steve has ever asked him for and he doesn’t want to ruin it just because he’s a little scared of this dog. It’s fine. Things can be replaced! And it’s only nips, sometimes running under his feet to knock him over. It’s fine. The dog loves Steve after all, and that’s all Tony really expected because he’s gone so often.

7) Tony is in tears in private tho okay. He keeps telling Rhodey and Pepper and Happy how scared of this dog he is and then always backpedals with “but Steve’s taking it to more intensive training!” when they make noises of concern. It’s not like it’s just him, either. The only other people the dog seems to like are Natasha and Thor. He sticks to the workshop unless Steve is home with the dog because he’s too scared to see it alone and makes Thor (or Natasha, on the rare cases she isn’t with him) take care of it while Steve’s on missions. It’s fine. It’s Steve’s dog! He asked for it! Tony knows if he complains, Steve will never feel safe enough to ask him for anything again. It’s fine.

8) “I can’t take this anymore,” Tony whispers, feeling like he’s about to break apart as he stares at the jagged wounds where Steve pried the dog’s teeth out of his hand as he and Thor try to wrestle it into its kennel. Bruce stands between them as he carefully escorts Tony to medical. Tony dreads seeing Steve after. Steve must know he’s going to have to make an ultimatum after this. He’s not going to allow a dog to attack him twice in is own home, not with how viciously it had attacked him this time. (He doesn’t hear how many stitches he needs, or how long the cast will have to stay on. He just sees Bruce go a little green around the edges before he takes his good hand between both his own, and at that point, he’s scared to ask the doctor to repeat herself.)

9) Steve immediately rehomes the dog. He doesn’t tell Tony how, or where, or with who. He just packs up everything dog-related into a box and leaves for a few hours. It’s like there was never a dog at all. Tony somehow feels worse than when the dog bit him, remembering the way Steve had pressed a stoic kiss to his forehead before he’d left. Maybe he should have offered to stay on a different floor while the dog was there, cited nonexistent allergies. The dog had been… it had really been good for Steve.

10) “Why didn’t you tell me to get rid of the dog?” Steve asks when he gets back. He wonders what he did to make Tony think he didn’t have a say in what lived in his personal quarters. Why didn’t he feel secure enough with Steve to admit the dog’s attitude toward him scared him? He would never have kept it if Tony had shown even an inkling that he felt unsafe. “It was the first thing you ever asked me for,” Tony whispers, ashamed. “I knew if I said I didn’t like it, you’d never feel safe enough to ask me for anything else.” Steve looks like Tony shot him, eyes darting from his face to his still-bandaged arm and back again.

11) Steve says they should go to therapy. “It’s not healthy, that you would let me hurt you, even via a dog, just because you think I want it. I would never want something to hurt you, Tony.” He’s man enough to admit, if only to himself, that he’s only going to go because it seemed hypocritical, telling Tony he needed help when Tony’s desire to please him had been borne out of his own issues. Maybe next time he wants something, he’ll be able to see how that affects Tony, and not just himself. He should have realized something was wrong. Tony gets along with Lucky just fine, even after being bitten. He should have realized the way the dog was reacting to Tony wasn’t normal.

12) “I found a stray dog on my run. I’m going to take it to the shelter,” Steve says. “I wanted to tell you, so you don’t think I’m standing you up for brunch.” Tony looks up at him, blinking slowly, before looking down at the dog cowering behind Steve’s legs. Squats. Holds his shaking hand out. The dog looks at him with big, wet eyes before darting out its tongue to swipe between his fingers. “Maybe you weren’t meant to get a dog. Maybe the dog was always meant to get you,” Tony says after a moment, and Steve lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yeah?” Tony reaches out, wincing, but relaxes when the dog patiently lets him scratch behind its ear. “Yeah.”

13) “I’m naming him Dodger because I found him in Brooklyn and at least he seems loyal to the borough,” Steve mutters darkly even as he reluctantly tuned into an LA Dodgers game, and Tony chokes on his coffee laughing.

[anime-simp-0]

what i think each MHA 1A student would do in a quirkless society

midoriya: nurse. oh my god i saw a fanart of nurse deku forever ago and it was fine asf. but anyways. i think he would still have the desire to help people and save them, but not wanna go running head first into buildings. so, he decides to use his head and hands instead. i could also see emt since it’s still a little dangerous for his adrenaline junkie ass without almost burning alive.

bakugo: i can’t explain why but quirkless AU bakugo to me is always a firefighter 🤷. i think he is a junkie when it comes to danger and saving people is just engrained in him so, even without a quirk, he would still wanna do something whether military or police service.

todoroki: i’m gonna say family business. but he runs it the exact opposite of his old man just to piss him off.

kirishima: public service of some kind. i’m stuck between police officer or a firefighter cuz i could see both. on one hand, i could see him running head fire into fires with bakugo being each others partners and saving each other left and right since he’s the only one that can put up with him. but i can also see him as the police officer of an area. like the one that everyone loves and treats with respect. so much so that even the gangsters and drug dealers are like “hey sir, how’s your day been” because kiri wasn’t disrespect even when arresting them.

denki: i'm gonna say electronical engineer. he might act stupid but he managed to pass the UA written exam just like the other members of UA so clearly there is a brain up there. Having said that, electronics were something he always thought were cool and he started messing around with them as a kid and it stuck.

sero: i feel like he would LEGALLY sell marijuana. like he would have a license to and would sell edible snacks as well as marijuana straight. he just gives me hippie-ish "the world is less shitty when your high" vibes so he sells good quality weed so people get blissed.

iida: i think his family business would be something tech based instead of heroing. i still think they would make bank from it tho. and the family business would make him feel obligated to follow it.

aoyama: model. enough said.

uraraka: probably join the family construction company “temporarily” but then always come up with an excuse to why she needs to stay. “well, __ is gonna be on a 1 week vacation so, i’ll put in my notice after they’re back” “well, now it’s close to *insert holiday* so i better stay and help get the projects done faster” and on and on.

momo: design. whether fashion, interior design, architecture. something with design tho. she likes being able to create things from scratch. enjoys watching what she can turn things into.

jirou: musician. specifically vocalist and guitarist for a indie rock / alternative rock band.

ojiro: i feel like he would totally have a therapy office where you talk about your feelings while doing yoga 😂. his reason is it helps align your body and your mind.

tsu: i feel like she would be one of those people that study plants and creatures in their native habitats. but she would exclusively work with ponds, rivers and streams and has a deep love and interest/fascination with frogs.

mina: model. i think she would start as a model for a fitness brand and would gradually move over to being a diverse model as her career grows.

hagakure: kindergarden teacher for some reason. i can't explain why. it just seems right in my brain.

satou: baker. like come on.

tokoyami: musician. specifically guitarist for a rock / metal band. it just… fits.

koda: something to do with animals. whether that’s working at a zoo or traveling the world studying animals.

shouji: cop. he's really good at spacial awareness and protecting his partners. plus he has really fast reflexes.

mineta: he died <3

[yandere-sins]

So I thought I’d give a little life-update as there’s a lot going on at the moment and I think it’s visible on my blog as well. Maybe the positives first:

I do really like my new work, I like that I have set hours (even if I do overtime here and there) and though it got incredible stressful the last few weeks, I think the four people that work in my office space are the coolest in the whole company and I love the support I am getting, it’s something I always wanted for my work-life tbh! My dog is also doing very fine, she’s really a total sweetheart and I wouldn’t know what to do without her, and at least I, myself, am doing pretty okay-ish physically, so nothing to complain there.

Now to the negatives.

Unfortunately, my mom’s cancer returned but is quite hard to pinpoint. She went back to an even more aggressive chemotherapy and we’re hoping for the best. Honestly, I don’t wish cancer on anyone, it’s such a tough battle and even just as the primary caretaker it’s been really hard to deal with for me, luckily I have grandparents and a brother who all deal with it and help and support, so that’s good! My mental health though is suffering. It’s biting my own butt now, but I cancelled therapy to focus on work at the beginning of this year and now my therapist is fully booked, so I will have to sit out this month probably. I am telling that because that’s the reason I am struggling with concentrating on one thing for a long time, which includes writing, which explains the fluctuation of posts you are seeing, since I try to get requests and drafts done on the weekend when there’s less stress. Sadly only works like 30% of the time...

Going forward I have decided to indefinitely pause commissions. I have noticed that they put too much pressure with the deadline and expectancy on me when I am already struggling and sometimes need a day to myself. I can’t say when they’ll come back, but thank you all so much for your interest and support, it’s always a pleasure to write your ideas and I never had a bad experience with commission ♥

Good news for Mermay: it’s still happening! ... buuuut I am shortening the story I came up with. I think I was too ambitious with the three routes I teased, so I am trying to figure out how to ensure that it won’t drag out as much as Atreo’s story last year. Unfortunately, the start will be delayed some more, but we were going to celebrate Mer-June anyway, so at this point it probably doesn’t make as much difference (’:

Because the question arose a few times already, I will not be playing Honkai Star Rail. It has a few reasons, but the main one is I don’t have the time. Sorry to everyone who asked about it, but it’s just not the right time for me at the moment! ): I’ll probably be miserable again later when everyone has moved on to it and I am stuck behind but I have to make cuts somewhere ;;

I actually have some commissions and requests that I haven’t released yet, so I will try to schedule some of these in the meantime while I work out how to go about stuff. If you’ve been around for a while you probably know I like routines that’s why it’s always important for me to build them and keep them up. Other than that, I’ll probably focus on Mermay and my own writing projects which will happen rather irregularly. No guarantees on posting, sadly ):

I do realize tho that it just isn’t always possible to keep up frequency of posts and interactions I had when I started this blog, as much as it saddens me. I have to prioritze my real life before my internet presence (and I really need to not feel guilty about taking breaks from everything ever so often ;;), so if you see me vanishing for a few days, it’s just that really.

Thank you everyone who stuck around and supports this blog ♥ There’s another big milestone coming up veeery soon and I am always in awe that so many people would stay to read my silly little stories!! If you have some time and don’t mind waiting for a response, I’m always happy to chat and answer questions, so please don’t hesitate to hit me up!

Thanks everyone ♥

[stonerskinny]

gonna ask my psych to refill my xanax prescription today. because nothing else works for my panic attacks without also putting me directly to sleep, and when i have them in the morning that’s not really an option.

got sick from getting too high yesterday. lmao. it appears i was very very wrong and i was NOT ready to leave res. but i cant go back there. so we will push through for as long as possible and i’ll just send myself ip in like december if i can’t get this shit under control.

today will be interesting. i have an intake appointment for a virtual iop, and then a therapy session, and then a psychiatry appt. i also am out of my morning meds for today aka im out of my abilify for today aka i will not be taking the med that seems to single-handedly stop my SI from getting uncontrollably bad. so. gut reaction is to just fast 2day to try and keep some semblance of control, however i have groceries that need to not go bad in my fridge so idk if i will be doing that. gonna try to not order anything tho because i simply do not have the money for that. also applying for jobs like crazy today.

aaaaaaand just took a hit of my dab pen LMAO i am an addict through and through i get it now i really was white knuckling my way through those two and a half weeks. and i took 2 more hits while writing this. this is my destiny i fear.

someone remind me to cancel my last cardio appt later i don’t need to see those bitches i already know im fucking fine!

[randum-famdoms]

HEY IMPORTANT POST ABOUT MY P5 FANFIC!!!!

It’s a long one so I’m adding a cut for people who don’t read my fic <3

TLDR: do you want a side fic which is a series of one-shots showing an alternate timeline of my main fic which includes the Royal characters Sumire and Maruki?

That fic would not be written for a while, due to time and other factors, but I want to gauge interest early on so I can make an outline

More details below ⬇️

—

So I don’t plan on including the Royal characters or yaldy/god (I don’t feel like googling how to spell his name) in my fic (dw I already have an explanation for the velvet room that doesn’t include the evil god) in my main fic

I have several reasons, but it all boils down to the fact that their storylines don’t fit well with my vision for the fics themes and plot. It would be interesting, but it would feel too much like trying to fit two separate fics together and would end up dragging both sides down and creating a worse overall whole. My fic is primarily about akechi and Akira’s stories, and that story ends at Shido. Adding on anything else would simply not work.

But I LOVE Sumire so so much, and maruki is fine I guess, so I’m debating on whether to include an alt-timeline side fic (wayyyyy down the line when I have time and at least 15 chapters pre written in the main fic) where I include Sumire and maruki. It would be like a one-shot series, since if I wrote a whole ass fix it would A) be way too fucking long, and B) really boring because not much would change between it and the main fic

I’d either post it all consecutively over a few weeks, or a new chapter alongside whatever chapter in the main fic lines up with the alt chapter in the timeline.

Also don’t plan on including yaldy except if it’s super vague and I don’t include the fight scene cause I think it’s boring and I hate writing fight scenes anyway.

To give an idea about what the fic would look like, here’s some ideas I’ve come up with for one shots in the side fic below:

—

Maruki’s dream lives for the mains (aka the canon PTs + Sumire + Mishima

maruki’s dream-verse waking up scenes

How Sumire meets akira and Mishima and they be fired her and introduce her to akechi and they become a big depressed dysfunctional family

Sumire persona awakening (it’d be different from canon)

Sumire being a sort of work-for-hire persona user that works with the main trio when they need more hands, but who doesn’t usually work with them since she’s so busy

Sumire accidentally being adopted by akechi and futaba as a third sibling (none of them are happy about it except Sumire even tho she’s not the one that instigated this dynamic)

Sumire becoming good friends with ryuji and shiho because she’s just so much fun to work out with and she makes the physical therapy tolerable (this ends up making her Ann’s favourite [after shiho of course])

Futaba high-key judging maruki because she remembers enough from her mom to know that he is NOT a qualified person to be talking about psychology, not to mention working with children as a therapist

Maruki tells Mishima to get more sleep and Mishima is soooo offended by that, and then after the dream-verse is even more offended because HELL FUCKING NO HE DOESNT WANT WHATEVER SLEEP THIS CREEP IS TRYING TO SELL HIM

—

I’ll include a shorter version of this post in the end notes of the upcoming chapter alongside a link to this post, but please let me know if you want to see this fic become a real thing.

Regardless it’ll be a WHILE, I’m already super busy and adding a whole new fic on top of that will be a big deal, and I haven’t even got an outline yet plus most of these one shots would take place a whiles a way down the timeline and I’d rather have a grasp on what that would look like in the main fic before I add a second layer of canon divergence on top of that.

Anyway sorry for the long post, love y’all!

[aclosetfan]

Hi 👋, I was wondering, if you didn’t mind, if you’d wanna share any head cannons about any of your ongoing fics, like the fake dating au or parasomnia or anything??

Haha sure!

I’ve been thinking about parasomnia a lot lately, so I think I’ll rant about that!

Plot-focused ideas:

The magic system I’m using is undefined. I have a loose idea of how the curse they’re all under works but I’m still like ??? Here’s a basic idea, but I need to make it make sense:

HIM is a demon, duh. The mirror is his window into the world. The mirror has taken many forms and currently is a vanity brought to Townsville by a bratty girl no longer with us (rip Princess I love you but your death is plot important). The mirror finds its way to this shed, no one knows why, but I know it’s because the vanity has had multiple owners since and was moved to the preschool shed for storage as a favor in return for a favor, and so forth and so forth.

Putting your blood on the surface brings you in contact with HIM, who allows you to really look into the depth of your soul and find the answer you’re seeking. There’s a price, though. That price is 1) you never know exactly what you’re seeking 2) your mirror-self is desperately trying to break out of the mirror. If they get you, they take your body and HIM gets your soul, which he consumes for power. So, basically, you’re forced to fight your inner mirror self as you attempt to piece together some sort of enlightenment (because, you know, HIM likes a good puzzle and nothing’s scarier then self reflection.)

But this piece of information sort of gets lost over time. Like, instead of working on yourself, HIM’s basically offering to fix your inner demons for you, but you have to figure out what needs to be fixed, but no one ever survives, so that little piece of information—that you need to be fixing yourself—is never shared between owners, which is all fine and dandy with HIM. He becomes a phantom akin to Bloody Mary. Ppl do the ritual for fun and then get stuck in this terrifying self-led therapy session

But does that even make sense?? I’ll flesh it obviously, but is it lame?? Also, I was thinking that you’re only stuck in the mirror world from 12-4, which encompasses the general witching hours, but idk why. I think maybe because the realms between the shadow world and the real realm are weakest then. But idk maybe that’s too short of a time period. I think four hours every night would suck tho so idk idk. I want their time in the shadow/mirror realm to affect their sleep.

Other fun magic things — light portals for quick travel that Bubbles is only able to adequately transverse. She’s got the “sight”

Brick understands what the mirror people are saying. To everyone else, it’s just pig Latin.

Healing is quicker in the mirror/shadow world because you’re not really physically there unless something is damaged beyond repair. So if you get cut in the beginning of your time, by the time you wake up, what may be left on you is only a faint bruise—like what happens sometimes with active sleepers.

Because you’re not physically there, stuff isn’t really physically there either, so if you move a car in the shadow realm, the physical car isn’t moved. But if you total the car, the car in the real world is destroyed. So locals think there’s some unexplainable crime/ghost problem.

Character focused:

Despite being a grade above Brick and Boomer, Blossom is the youngest of the group. She skipped a grade.

Boomer has a crush on Bubbles, but doesn’t end up with her. She’s not interested in him because she’s almost seventeen and is def not interested in dating a freshman. Sorry blue-lovers, but I promise it’s still a fulfilling relationship and there may be someone else for lil Boomer 😉

Mitch is actually plot important. He’s a prick but he ends up redeemed.

The Professor is VERY VERY plot important but isn’t anyone’s father. Mojo is equally as important — and a good foster parent (🤫)

Bubbles is raised by her grandparents, Mayor and Ms. Mayor. Her parents died in a car crash. Blossom is a test tube baby. Her mother is Bellum, who ends up marrying Sedusa, or here, strictly Ima Goodlady, who Blossom considers her annoying, gold-digging step-monster. Buttercup is raised by her mom, Ms. Keane. She has a father, but he’s not in the picture. He never remarried, but has a long term partner, who’s about 15 years older than Buttercup, and recently had a son named Ken. Buttercup’s never had the pleasure of meeting her brother and she doesn’t like talking about it.

Brick was abandoned as a baby. Butch’s parents could no longer take care of him (in prison/addiction issues), so he was taken in by the state. He’s in contact with them, but it hurts him a lot. Boomer was also taken in by the state, but his mother wasn’t a good woman, so they are no longer in contact. He doesn’t talk about it at all. And if you pry, you now have beef with brick and butch

Buttercup has a crush on Butch pretty much instantly. Butch doesn’t acknowledge her romantically until later on in the story, so yes, slow-burn. He’s too busy adjusting to the craziness.

Both trios are co-dependent. You don’t get Bubbles if Blossom and Buttercup can’t come.

[spookysprings]

HELLO!!! This is an introduction to my account!!! PLEASE READ IT!!!

What to call me by?

Spring is fine! But you can also refer to me within the seasons!! For example

Summer for summer

Autumn for fall

Winter for winter

And spring for spring!!

(You can call me spooks too, I don’t mind! 🫶)

❤︎︎My interests❤︎︎

(Btw, I may not talk about many of the things I’m interested in but that’s because im hella hyper-fixated on spooky month TwT)

• SPOOKY MONTH!!

• Legend of Zelda: Breath of the wild

• FNAF

• Poppy playtime

• Bendy and the ink machine

• Undertale (and a lil bit of deltarune)

• Batman

• Family guy (lawl)

• Welcome Home

• Good omens

• Steven Universe

• Flamingo

• Horror in general

• CoryxKenshin

• Markiplier

(That’s about all I’ll name hehe, there’s more tho! Pretty sure…)

🚨🚨🚨DNI!!!!🚨🚨🚨

My dni is basically like any other dni

No maps/pedos.

No incestors or incest ew yucky

No pro-shitters.

No problematic people, like at all.

No people who fetishize/sexualize age regression.

No one over 21.

No holyfire (I despise that ship will everything in my body)

just shoo if you are bad

🪻🪻🪻🪻BYI!!!🪻🪻🪻🪻

When stress comes by (I just really stressed out easily) I start to understand less of what’s going on, which leads me to be confused and stuff, so please be patient with me

I have anxiety which causes me to overthink, it effects my friendships a lot and I’m trying to fix it 🫶

I have depression as well but I am getting therapy for both!! (My therapist is nice)

I do age regress a lil bit

I have ADHD and dyslexia

I tend to try and avoid conflict and stuff

If I do anything wrong I would like you to come me about it, it’s most likely that I wasn’t aware. I would like to know so I can correct myself and apologize 🫶

I’m weird (obviously)

I can post highly suggestive stuff or slightly suggestive stuff, but no NSFW since I’m a minor and this is a public area!!

I am catgender, bunnygender, Demi girl, and Bisexual :3

MY ASK INBOX IS OPEN AND YOU GUYS CAN REQUEST ANYTHING! LIKE DRAWINGS AND STUFF!! ILL BE HAPPY TO DRAW FOR YOU!!!

SOCIALS

I will add more if I remember something or need to add!!

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

Can you recommend best ways to tell family you’re gay? I’m terrified of speaking up but want to

Hey! Thanks for the ask! I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice on this since I still haven’t come out to my parents as bi, but I’ll try my best to answer your question. It’s completely natural to feel scared, and your feelings are 100% valid. This is a huge step, you are really brave, and I am proud of you!

In short: it depends. I’m not sure what your family situation looks like, how close you are to them, or how accepting your parents and/or siblings are of the LGBTQ+ community in general. That’s why I’d say it’s first and foremost important to assess the situation.

Number one thing, and I can’t emphasize this enough, is make sure you’re safe. Make sure you have a contingency plan. I don’t know your age, but if you live with your family and rely on them, and you have any reason to believe they might react violently or throw you out or try to send you to conversion therapy, then I’d recommend waiting until you’re in a safer situation or making sure you have a supportive friend you can stay with. Hopefully this is not the case, but I say this because way too many queer kids end up homeless or worse, and I don’t want this to happen to you. There are lots of resources available if things go south. The Trevor Project is one of those.

But assuming you’re in a generally safe situation and have no reason to believe your family would react violently; you just don’t know if they’d accept you (or maybe you believe they’ll accept you, but you’re still scared to tell them- coming out is scary either way), I’d recommend building up to it by casually bringing up queer-related topics and see how they react. One potential way to do this is by showing them movies and shows with queer characters and relationships and asking them their thoughts.

Maybe showing them an explicitly, specifically queer movie or show like But I’m a Cheerleader or Heartstopper isn’t the move, cause that might raise eyebrows. But regular shows that have queer characters might be a good start. I don’t know if your family likes Stranger Things, but since this is Byler tumblr, asking them their thoughts on Will or Robin is a potential idea. You could also play queer artists around them, bring up important political news related to the community, or see how they react to you being an ally first. It’s important to note tho that even overall accepting family members can have confusions and misunderstandings.

Acceptance is a spectrum. It can range from the worst case violent scenario I mentioned earlier to a “We’ll love you forever, but we don’t agree with the action” sort of stance to “Fine, but just don’t be weird about it” to “Okay cool, no worries” to enthusiastic and passionate allyship (with many degrees in between). Casually bringing it up can help gauge where they fall.

This too can be really scary, but know that your worth is not determined by how others react. You are loved, you are cherished, you are enough, and you have a whole community here cheering you on every step of the way. Even if it feels like you’re lost in the world, you are not alone.

Maybe some of them are more accepting than others? This is a huge possibility. It may not be the best idea to tell the whole family at once. Maybe you tell a trusted sibling first. Maybe you feel more comfortable telling your mom so you go to her first. Or your dad. Or your grandma, idk. It really depends. How you come out to them also depends on your family’s preferred communication style. It’s often best to have a one-on-one face-to-face conversation, but in some cases, a phone call might be better.

There’s also some cases where a text is the right move, which can then be followed up by an in person conversation or a phone call. It’s also possible your family will need time to process the information. But something else I want to emphasize is that your family’s love for you may surprise you as well. Many families come around and grow into their acceptance and understanding over time. So even if you don’t get the reaction you hoped for, that’s not always the end of the story.

Alternatively, you can wait till you’re in a relationship to tell them you’re gay. In some cases, that might make it feel less abstract and more concrete and real to your family. (But don’t feel pressured to come out just because you’re dating someone). Lastly, it’s possible that your family may genuinely be a very accepting group of people. If that’s the case, you might not need to make it as much of an ordeal as you may be dreading. You can pull a Cyrus Goodman from Andi Mack and casually slide in your sexuality into conversation (or casually slide in your relationship) and let them catch on.

Or if you feel more comfortable, you could go a more creative, theatrical route and bake something or paint something. Ultimately, it’s important to do it on your own terms and whichever way feels natural and comfortable to you. Everyone’s family situation is different, so there is not a one-size fits all way of coming out. Whatever you choose, I’m proud of you, I’m rooting for you, and I believe in you! If you have any other questions, feel free to DM me.

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

B, N and T for the ask game and with the Flash fandom :))

Yay!!! Thank you for the ask! (for my favorite fandom no less🥹) and sry I took a bit to get to this.

Time for my ✨silly little ramblings✨™️

B “A pairing-platonic, romantic or sexual-that you initially didn't consider, but someone changed your mind” : Ooooooo, this is a good one. Well I’m not a big shipper naturally tbh, unless I see undeniable chemistry and/or suggestive scenes between characters, I’m probably just going to ship what was canon— that was until I fully entered tumblr and related fandom spaces. Now I see ships everywhere. Especially with Ao3.

Ao3 has made me ship soooo many ships, the OG being Superarrow/Kariver

More recently tho: Coldflash (my current OTP), Snowest, Hartmon, and I personally prefer them as platonic but I definitely support them as a ship— Barrisco

Also as much as I hate to admit it— I understand Eobarry and why people ship it (One sidedly it’s basically canon) but I still do not like it and definitely don’t ship it. (Ok but how tf could it ever be two sided guys— it’s also creepy af) nvm I’m not jumping into that rabbit hole today.

N “Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)” : Hmm— does more fanfiction count?💀 Ok ok, three things let’s seeeee

1: More merchandise. I finally have a STAR labs sweatshirt and it is one of my most treasured possessions— but I wish there was more options, I wish we could get Ciscos vibe glasses or smth like that (I know we can on ebay and stuff, but it’d be nice if the CW or WB put in merch effort) Ah. The pain of smaller fandoms (and I say this in relation to my other big fandoms being Star Wars and the MCU)

2: Less discourse/hate. I’ve calibrated my space here on tumblr to be on the positive side of the fandom but I remember when I couldn’t look at comment sections without seeing at least 10 hate comments (from other fans may I add). Idk maybe it’s not as bad now. I also notice this was primarily around the topic of shipping; specifically around Westallen vs Snowbarry, I saw some pretty bad stuff on both sides. Personally I just believe in ship and let ship. If you don’t like a ship then that’s fine; but don’t attack the people who do. But like I said; maybe it’s not as bad now. (Sry that was a long one lol)

3: M o r e w h u m p— including taking place in later seasons; 9x4 has so much potential and I really want someone to take advantage of it (I say, knowing full well that I could write it— I can’t though; The Bad Ending is taking up all of my writing time/energy)

Either way; whumpers I love you and I hope more of you find this fandom

T “Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?” :

*Rubs hand together* Oh do I— it’s ramble time

Now as a fanfiction writer, I have to have headcanons; it’s how I make the story and characters work while giving them extra depth. Naturally however; it’s not something I would usually think of outside of that. I have created the most fanfictions for this fandom by far (It was also the first media I ever wrote it for) so naturally I indeed have headcanons that will make their way into my fics.

Oliver trained Team Flash in hand to hand combat Now this one is less of a headcanon and more something I wish happened— cause where tf did they get their training from?? Maybe I’m missing/forgetting something and if so sry my bad— but this seems like something that absolutely could’ve happened. (I’m not counting superhero fight club as canon btw; as fun as it is)

Everyone goes to therapy

Gods this one is more wishful thinking than anything else— I’ll never forgive the CW for having Barry and Iris take couples therapy when what they both need is therapy therapy. The number of life threatening scenarios the entirety of Team Flash has gone through is more than enough to warrant therapy (and some form of PTSD but that’s a whole nother topic). The only possible exception I would make is Barry, because it would not surprise me at all if Joe had him go as a kid and the therapist didn’t believe him about the man in yellow just like everyone else; plenty of people have bad experiences with therapy that make them not want to go and that’s completely understandable.

Team Flash has movie night

You can’t look me in the eye and tell me they don’t.

Barry has claustrophobia

Nothing to support this really, but hey— that’s why it’s a headcanon

Also I have sexuality headcanons for most characters but I’ll do those another time.

Sweet! This was so fun and again; thank you for the ask!!! Sorry that it was so long but I had a lot of fun :-D