#i’d understand a mild burn but THIS !? i didn’t SLEEP LAST NIGHT AT ALL !!!!!!

[marcvscicero]

somehow managed to get soooooo severely sunburnt on my face yesterday (in ENGLAND !!!!!!!! with a puny little uv index of 3 !!!!!!!!!!! THREE !!!!!!!!! and it was CLOUDY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i had sun cream and spf makeup on my FACE !!!!!!!!!!!!! and i was weaving in and out of SHADE AND TREES !!!!!!!!!!!!!) that i now look like a fucking tomato !!!!!!!!!!!! a tomato with 0 sleep, nausea, + a very bad headache !!!!!!!

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

you don’t know me

plum, chapter seven

a/n: i was gonna make them deal with this in a different way, give her a bit more time, but then I couldn't sleep last night and wrote this instead...

warnings: Joel Miller x reader, MILD SPOILERS for the last of us (both games and the hbo series), slow burn, age gap (20 years), timeline wise this is set in between the first and second game (so when they live in Jackson), ptsd, angst

word count: 575

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You’d nearly reached the outskirts of Jackson without uttering a single word to Joel, didn’t even offer a quick glance in his direction once. It wasn’t like he had tried to get a verbal response from you since you’d exited the library, but just the fact that he was still there, following right behind you, like the rapidly rising sun, made you feel like a ticking bomb.

Suddenly stopping in your determined trek, he didn’t have to come around to inspect before you broke the silence, “what made you think you have the right to do that, to say something like that? You don’t think I’m already painfully aware that they’re still out there?” the uncontrollable words spewed out passed your lips like venom, “you don’t know me, Joel. You don’t get to say stuff like that just because you’re Tommy’s brother.” 

“Y/n, I-”

Whirling around, you cut him off, tears blurring your bloodshot eyes, “do you really think I can’t protect myself? Protect myself from them? You don’t think I know them a hell of a lot better than any of you? You don’t think I know all of their tactics, all of their ticks, exactly how they think better than any of you that hasn’t even met them once? You don’t think I bothered to get to know every single detail about them when they held me captive? When they kept me as a fucking slave for their own sadistic pleasure? How do you think I finally escaped from there, huh? You think it was just dumb luck? You think I’m lucky? Is that what you would call luck? Do you really wanna call me of all people lucky?” you ignored your body’s wishes of throwing up your stomach contents instead of these painful sentences, “you have no idea what they did, what they-…” your voice broke, and you truly tried to continue, to speak, to share, knowing that the actual words would shut him up for good, but to no success. He didn’t say anything as he watched your lips frustratingly try over and over again to tell him, but in the end gave up, hissing at him right before you spun around again, “fuck you, Joel. I don’t want your help. I didn’t ask for it and I sure as hell don’t want it.”

As you began to walk away, his pleading voice stopped you, “don’t go after them on your own. With the resources here at Jackson, you could do it in a smart way, in a way that doesn’t get you killed.”

Sniffling heatedly, you glared back at him, “what makes you think I’d actually do that?”

He glanced down at you in such a way that he looked like an immovable mountain, as if none of your threats had scared him off, “I know that look in your eye,” he uttered with unmistakable understanding shining clear through his deep voice, “I know you’re desperate for things to get better, for you to be able to just breathe again. But I also know that that kind of desperation can be one hell of a motivator. Even if it’s not there yet, if you’re not already making a plan of attack, it’ll come,” he didn’t raise his voice once, keeping it low and steady, “and when it does, I just ask you to let us have your back, that’s all. If you ever want revenge, then let us help you.” 

© 2023 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[real-sotenbori-hours]

Hello there 💖 Love your writing and just finished yakuza 0, and if you're up for it, I'm in the mood for something different. I love Majima, but I'm craving drama atm. What if he and his badass beauty of a s/o are getting it on and he calls Makoto's name by mistake? New bae is sweet, makes his lunches, but is NO Makoto! How shook is she? Can the couple reconcile or is that the deal breaker?

This is a terrific prompt... I’ve been dealing with some roller coaster emotions as of late so I appreciate a drama req. Pls be patient and I’d love to write this. TYSM for requesting <3

Mistaken Makoto

Reader is Female

Mild smut, angst, mentions of trauma

***WARNING: YAKUZA 0 SPOILERS***

What a day. If she didn't stay and help up, who would?It had been this way all week, and Y/N had only realized how emotionally and physically drained she truly was at the end of it all, which couldn't be more ideal because nothing is worse than realizing how thanklessly overworked one is in the very midst of the issue itself. Thankfully she now had a couple of days off to decompress and relax and the first things on her mind were a quick snack, a cup of tea and hopefully some pleasures of the flesh with her all too irresistible man. She desperately needed some bliss to tear her from her incredibly demanding lack of work/life balance. Good thing her man was more than understanding.

They didn't reside together, but Majima's flat was a lot closer (and fancier) than her place, so she typically crashed there in the evenings especially after late work days. Her apartment was more of a storage unit for her belongings and less urgently needed clothes as she usually spent her nights at his place. Though he'd been pushing the idea of moving in together for months, it was just so much work to pack her stuff and close out her lease and with her long hours as of late, she didn't have the energy to seal this lingering loose end. She planned on it, but something else held her back from making it official. She hadn't even had the time to analyze her trepidation, it was just there, and something far more easily avoided. Money wasn't an issue, so she couldn't complain. She'd get around to it soon enough.

It was a damp, sultry evening... an hours' long rain had set a sexy mist in the air and with the low lights of Kamurocho illuminating her quick and safe walk home, she felt like a seductive evening at home was just what the doctor ordered. Majima had texted her only a couple hours prior, hinting at the same theme as he'd just settled some big work things and wanted to relax. He'd offered a lovely night on the town but because Y/N was stuck at work just a little later than usual, a hot night at home seemed like the move. He'd warned that he was settling in for a nap, and to wake him when she arrived.

Her plan was to forego the food and tea, strip down and slip into bed with him... he loved being awakened by her eager warmth.

After locking the door, she dropped her coat and shimmied out of each of her professional garments, slowly sauntering into the bedroom from which only a dim light from the bathroom shone due to the door being slightly ajar.

What a marvel --- his back was to her, his irezumi slightly visible in the dim light and partial obscurity of blanket. No matter how many times she'd seen it wet, dry, slightly irritated from her nails raking its flesh, it still made her skin tingle. She loved Majima Goro through and through and was willing to do anything for him. He treated her like a Queen and still offered her the world if she needed anything. He respected her independence, always offered to support her if she so desired, and was in turn endlessly grateful for her love and commitment to him. Many a time she wondered how in the fuck that she was The One to tame a yakuza boss... but she had. It was so natural and uncomplicated, she never batted an eye. It was sparks in the air the first time they met and every day and night since.

By the time she reached the bed, she was beautifully nude and ready. As much as she needed him and his attentions, she wanted to at least begin by lavishing him with attention while rousing him from his slumber. It drove him crazy.

After slipping beneath the linens, pressed against him, she kissed his shoulder, slowly and deliberately and then made her way down the back of his arm while slipping her hand along his back and over his hip, gripping the bone. He groaned, rolling on his back as she snuck up to his ear.

"Mmmm, I'm home...."

No further words necessary, he wrapped his arms around her as she straddled him, kissing and biting his lobe, down his neck, stopping to suck along his clavicle. His hands found their way to her hips as he gripped them and urged them to rock back and forth, but she wanted to prolong it. She needed to tease a little.

His eye remained closed, his breathing grew heavier as he gripped her hips hard enough to bruise. She adored it.

Leaning in to kiss his neck, she traveled up to his lips, leaving quick and desperate pecks along them before sinking herself on him. She rubbed his pecs delicately before leaning back and gripping his thighs, preparing to ride him. Just as she'd begun to establish a momentum, his hands gripped her forearms, his eye still shut tightly, lips parted. She raised herself, holding steady, slowly sinking down on him again just as he moaned... "I've missed you..."

She loved it when he mused in the throes of it. She bounced a few times, leaning in to kiss him again, harder, taking his bottom lip and kissing his chin... leaning in further to whisper, "I've missed you too..."

He slid his hand up the back of her neck, gripping and keeping her close. He turns his head, eye still screwed tightly shut as he kisses her cheek. She rolls her hips again. He rubs his lips along her lobe, sighing.

"Mmmm..."

She slams her hips harder, urging him to chase his release as he continues to keep her pinned to him, gritting his teeth. She loves his scent, his sweat, she wants to lap up every bit of it.

"....Mmmma..."

She bites at his clavicle, sucking tenderly as she continues pumping him with her entire body, just wanting to make him feel so good for no reason but adoration and appreciation for him... She just wants to hear him moan and watch his face contort as he fully surrenders.

She sits up, one last slam as she tightens herself around him. She descends, pulsing on him, cradling his head as his lips part one more time. He exhales, groaning.

"....Makoto...."

Screeeeeeeeeeech.

Y/N's heart, stomach, hell, fucking everything dropped. Without a second thought, she pressed her hands on each side of her along the bed and dismantled herself, rising.

His eye flew open, his head frantically turning, searching for his girlfriend, who was promptly planning on redressing and bolting before the tears could burst out of her into every direction. What the fuck?!

"Oy!" He shouts, sitting up, still registering.

She's already made it out of the bedroom, picking up every piece of her clothing trail and hurriedly putting them back on with the urgency of a burning building.

She's grabbing her bag off of the counter as he barges into the kitchen, wrapped in the linens. "OY! Where the hell ya think yer goin'?"

She takes a deep breath and turns around to face him, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm leaving. Fuck off."

"What in the hell for? What's the matter?!"

ARE YOU SERIOUS.

She steps forward and shoves him with a single, open hand. Bag still in her other hand. "FOR CALLING ME 'MAKOTO' WHILE I'M FUCKING ON TOP OF YOU. ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND?!"

He catches himself, grabbing the counter and throws his head in his other hand. "Jesus Christ, I'm a little drunk, babe. I'm sorry..."

"Yeah, great. Well, you can be sorry alone. I'm going home."

"Nah c'mon don't be like that, it was a mistake, I love ya and ya know that, don'tcha?"

"You know honestly, I'm not sure. If you're thinking of her while I'm giving it to you, giving you my fucking body, my affection, my time, I think the mistake is my being in this entire fucking equation. I must be insane. I knew there was a reason I wasn't ready to move out of my place yet...."

"Nah babe it's not like that, I swear. I'm really sorry, I know that didn't feel good but I was in such a deep sleep I really wasn't thinkin---"

"---ABOUT ME. You were thinking of another woman. While I'm here. Are you serious? Do you have any idea how much I love you, how you might as well have shoved your tanto straight into my chest? That would've felt better than to hear another woman's name come out of your fucking mouth..."

Majima realized this wasn't a conversation he could charm his way out of. All of the times he came home battered, bruised and bleeding? Yeah after a few minutes of patching, he could calm her down. All of the times he was stuck at the office late and hadn't eaten in hours, she'd bring him something home cooked, knowing full well that none of his favorite shops were open. She'd beg him to come and get some sleep but he'd assure her that he'd get it done and be fine. She'd take it all in stride, this was the man she loved, it was par for the course.

But being called another woman's name, one that held such a crushing significance in his life? Nah.

"...I'm leaving. I need space. Leave me alone for a few days." His eye flew open as he nearly tripped over the blanket, dashing to her and grabbing her arms.

He knelt, looking up at her pleadingly.

"Y/N, baby, please. Please. Yer everythin' ta me. Please don't go..."

She sighed, too tired to even fight the tears. She let them roll.

"I can't do this, Goro. Maybe you love me, but obviously I'm not everything to you. Maybe it's unfair for me to demand to be, but it's what you are to me, and I can't compromise. I won't find myself in another love in which my feelings aren't matched."

"They are matched, babe. Please just stay so we can talk about it. If ya don't wanna stay after that, fine, but please gimme a minute to explain..."

"Goro, what's there to explain? If she's still in such a dominant place in your mind, then what's left for me? I can't share your affection like that. This isn't gonna work. Am I supposed to get over it and hope it doesn't happen again? What do you take me for?"

He choked, taking a deep breath. He dropped the Kansai-ben.

He looked up at her slowly, his face changing, his voice low and serious."I cared a lot for her. I haven't spoken with her in almost 20 years. There is nothing there. Sometimes I'm plagued with nightmares from the events of those years. Between my captivity and the situation in which I met her. I wish her nothing but the best. I have moved on since then, clearly. She only means anything to me because she is a good person. I'm not in love with her, I'm in love with you, and only you."

Y/N swallowed hard, taking his words into consideration... soothed but still feeling an uneasiness.

"You said her name while you were balls deep inside me. How are you going to explain that away? Be fucking honest with me. You have one minute."

"Makoto and I were never physically intimate! She isn't an ex-girlfriend or former love or anything like that! It was an honest mistake, it had nothing to do with the fact that you and I were in the middle of it, okay? I was just waking up, babe..."

"You were conscious. You grabbed me, you kissed me..."

"My mind was still out of it. Come on, I'm telling you the truth. I love you, Y/N. I love you like crazy. Makoto has absolutely nothing to do with my life now. I was just having a fucked-up dream."

Y/N set her bag down and draped her arms around him lazily as he hugged her hips.

"Look, I don't know how much I ever told you about it but here's the brakes: I was told to kill her and if I did, I'd be let back into the family, which was all I wanted at the time. You know all about my Grand days and that tiny apartment and the fact that all I did was run a cabaret club and get followed everywhere I went and my direct boss at the time would just slap me around like a fucking puppy and throw wrenches in everything I did, right?"

She nodded.

"I was told that I'd be in good standing and that I'd get my life back if I did my first hit. I was supposed to take out some ruthless scumbag that trafficked women. It was a no-brainer. I hunt my target down only to find that this ruthless scumbag was a blind woman who had no idea why in the fuck anyone would be after her. You can only imagine my confusion and why I did not kill her. But I was then of course risking worse things than death by keeping her alive and hidden away, all the while lying to my boss. Once he wised up, he tried to kill me, her and the guy she worked for at the time who was a solid guy. I watched him die. I got roughed up time and again, had to find her, make sure they didn't kill her. She was totally blameless and a survivor of the trafficking itself. This woman went through so much and still never batted an eye at her poor hand of cards. Yes, I wound up caring for her very deeply and after all was said and done, I could've told her how I felt, maybe she felt the same, who knows. Instead, I wanted her to be happy and to have nothing to do with me... because at the time, I only created more and more enemies as I climbed the ladder and I knew I couldn't keep her safe forever. I knew that at that time in my life, I had to focus on where I was going, I couldn't drag an innocent person into my mess of a life just because I had feelings for her. I did what I thought was the right thing then and I stand by it now... and where I'm at now, finally, is a place in which I can finally be with the woman I love -- you -- and I don't have to keep you away. I'm not climbing anymore... I'm no longer a real target and neither is anyone close to me."

Y/N nodded again, feeling relieved... but sad. So sad. Sad for being angry at him and sad for his loss... she had no idea the extent of what Makoto was to him and had only assumed the usual out of fear of bringing up such a heavy conversation... but she was glad to finally have it all out in the open.

"Alright... I know I shouldn't ask this but I need to..."

"Anything, babe. What do you want to know?"

"Do you wish you had been with her anyway? I know comparing myself to her is nonsensical but---"

"---Could I love you like I did her?"

"Yes."

"...No. Because the way I felt for her is different. You have to understand, I had to fight dozens and I mean dozens of men to protect her. She kept getting nabbed, I'd have to fight my way through buildings full of armed men to get her out alive. She got shot and almost died. I thought she had at first. It looked grim. So I guess in a way, the way I felt for her then is that I just wanted to protect the only truly good person I ever knew in my life... at that point. How do I feel about her now? I just hope she's happy... and I believe she is."

"You said you haven't spoken to her in 20 years?"

"That's a half truth. When we went through all that shit, she was blind. She never knew what I looked like, she only knew my voice. Years later I ended up in Sotenbori tying up some loose ends that led me to her shop and she didn't realize it was me, telling a perfect stranger how she was happily married with a kid. I was glad to hear it, you know? That was it. I just hope her life now is great because the first half wasn't, you know what I mean? That's it."

Y/N closed her eyes tightly and breathed in slowly, trying to make sense of her emotional state.

"Goro-kun..."

He looked up for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Y/N-chan?"

She sighed once again and carded her fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends, trying to stifle a laugh. Though she was still mildly hurt, the burn of her fury had subsided... she was grateful to have gotten a full discourse out of him and now felt almost foolish for being so (understandably) upset. She all but worshiped this man... he has always been good to her, holding her up on a pedestal, treating her with the respect and care that one only does when they truly and deeply... love and care for another.

She realized it's not a competition, Makoto wasn't "some other woman" or even a threat to her... she was a member of his past, a traumatic and murky one at that. She realized in that moment that it's okay that Majima loved another woman (and more, of course) before her... look at him.

But in this moment for a time before and likely to come, Majima Goro is hers and only hers. He did the right and likely painful thing by scratching at the scab to let her in, to tell her what happened and how it applies to his life now... to give her a perspective on her importance to him now, in comparison to what he's endured. It's a scab because the events of his past never truly heal or leave his psyche... he's just learned to live with and in spite of them, in many thanks to her.

Her unconditional love keeps him grounded, her presence adds to his purpose and for her, the same.

She was indescribably appreciative that the gave her a part of him in his honesty... and she would never take it for granted again. Walking out the door in anger would be, in her eyes, taking it for granted.

He nuzzled his face against her stomach, cradling her hips, giving her all the time she needed to cycle through her thoughts and feelings. God, what a man.

She gripped his chin and pulled him up to his feet, slipping an arm around him, re-tucking the blanket around his hips.

"Let's go to sleep... and bring back the Kansai-ben. I miss it already."

He laughed his usual insane, multi-octave laugh and grabbed her face, kissing her lips, nose, cheek and forehead before ripping the blanket off of him, wrapping it around her and scooping her up, carrying her back to the bedroom.

[tearsofgrace]

written for destiel december day 15: lights

this is the last day ! thanks so much @jellydeans and @galaxycastiel for hosting this

word count: 1k, tags: MILD hurt/comfort, fluff, stars, outside, established relationship, human!cas, the no caps is cuz i was on my phone not for the aesthetic (also probably so many mistakes i’m sorry)

dean was starting to think this wasn’t his best idea. hell, might be his worst one yet. it was below freezing outside and despite their shared sleeping bag and layers of blankets on top of it, dean was shivering.

leave it to him to try to spring some last minute christmas surprise and have it all be miserable. 

cas nuzzled into his neck, his nose freezing against his skin, and he sighed. 

“sorry i dragged you out here,” he said into the freezing air, watching his breath rise toward the stars. 

“‘s okay,” cas responded, his body quivering next to dean’s. then he mumbled something, so soft that for a second, dean wasn’t sure he had actually spoken. 

“what was that, sweetheart?” he’d lost all feeling in his ears, and his fingers were only warm because they were intertwined in cas’. 

“nothing.”

some of the stupor, the trance from the cold faded away and he felt a note of concern wash through him. “what?” 

“i said it was nothing.” cas’ voice was definitely sharp that time. and maybe a little apologetic too. dean tightened his grip on cas’ hands and ran his thumb soothingly over them, staring up at the night sky as if it would tell him the answers. 

“cas,” he whispered softly. cas shuddered again from the cold and pressed further into dean, but he felt more relaxed now.

“i said,” he took a deep breath and sighed, the air hot against dean’s exposed skin, “if i still had my grace, we wouldn’t need to be cold. if i still had my grace, you wouldn’t be miserable. if i still had my grace, i wouldn’t be useless. i wouldn’t be-”

“hey, hey- wait,” dean cut in, rolling so their noses were brushing together and he could look into cas’ wide eyes. “not useful? cas, you’re on the same level as sam and i. you’re a good hunter now, you know that, right?” 

cas shrugged at him and tried to drop his eyes, looking down into the sleeping bag. dean reached out and lifted his face so their eyes could meet, their frozen breath mixing together before leaving for the heavens. 

“and that doesn’t matter anyway,” dean went on. he wished he could make cas see, make him understand. he’d probably never be able to. “where the hell did you get the idea that you had to be useful for us to want you around?” his voice was rising now and he took a breath to steady himself. “fuck, cas, i want- i need you around because you’re you. because you’re sweet and powerful and adorable and funny and you make me feel weightless in a way i never have. you are everything to me. without you-“ he paused, shaking his head. “I’d much rather have you here. like this.” 

cas was just staring at him, leaning into the hand still on his jaw, his eyes wide and vulnerable. when he didn’t say anything, dean reached into his shirt, wincing as his ice cold fingers hit his skin, and pulled out the necklace he was wearing. the grace swirled in between them, lighting their faces with an almost ethereal glow. 

“this was a part of you,” he whispered quietly. “and i know it’s been hard for you to lose. i’m not trying to minimize that. i hate seeing you in pain.” he paused again, searching for the words. he never knew what exactly to say, how to not fuck things up like he always did. “but, cas. you’re still you. grace, no grace. angel, human. cursed or not,” he added with a chuckle. “and i’ll take you however you are.” 

“dean,” cas said quietly, drawing them closer together so their lips barely ghosted over each other. 

“i love you, cas.” fearing his message didn’t get across, he shifted his hand so a finger was on cas’ lips, stopping his response. “i love you. got it?” 

cas nodded silently and dean removed his finger right as cas slid their lips together.

dean tried to remember when the cold left him. when he started feeling warm, like he was floating. then, as cas deepened their kiss, he realized he didn’t care. 

they fit together perfectly, each of them knowing every inch of the other. there were no questions, no fears, just love, drawing them impossibly close to each other. dean felt himself relax completely, dropping the grace to rest on his chest, his arms pulling cas closer and closer-

a soft beeping cut through their trance and he looked down at his watch. 

“midnight,” he said to cas’ questioning eyes. “merry christmas, sweetheart.”

“merry christmas, dean,” cas said seriously. he looked at peace now. happy in a way that made dean’s heart soar. 

“your first christmas as a human and we don’t even got any lights,” he said jokingly, his hand smoothing back through cas’ hair. 

“we have lights,” cas said, looking upward. “we have the best lights on earth.” 

dean rolled to his back and pulled cas close, both of them lost in the endless sky above them. each star twinkled fiercely, burning hot millions of miles away. they were beautiful. 

cas snuggled further into him and dean glanced down at him. his eyes were fixed on the heavens, glowing in the light of the reflected cosmos. 

“thank you, dean,” cas said softly. 

dean felt the full weight behind the words. knew what he was trying to say with so little. he just rubbed his hand over cas’ back, a small assurance that he was here. he was here and not heaven, not hell, not some new eternal being they’d yet to take down, would be able to drag him away. 

they watched the stars for hours, not speaking, not sleeping, just basking in the power of creation. creation without its creator. just the universe putting on a light show that was meant only for them. 

this might have been a good idea. maybe even his best. 

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Not by the Moon | 07

Genre: Smut, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Drama, Tragedy, Werewolf AU, Supernatural AU, Bookshop AU

Pairing: Bookshop keeper!/Werewolf!JB x Reader

Warnings: A philosophical slant, (heavy) angst, Werewolf!Jaebeom being absolute hubby material, Werewolf!Jaebeom being awkward and (a bit of a) pervert, domestic fluff, talk of medication, apparently werewolves don’t like to wear clothes (what is my canon...), talk of life and death, mention of blood, mild swearing

Summary: Every story has a purpose or goal it is dedicated to, their authors at times going to great lengths to see the project they once started to completion. Nevertheless, the things the writers swore on to see their latest art piece to completion are static.

Unchanging.

None of them swore by the Moon nor Love because they can solely genuinely swear on all that changes like themselves.

And yet, a wolf in love foolishly swore by the moon.

That is when Time truly started ticking.

Author’s Note: This chapter is from Jaebeom’s POV.

Well, here it is, earlier and much longer than originally planned. It’s also a lot more tragic and philosophical than I intended it to be, but then again, what else can you expect from a tragedian fascinated by the human condition even as it is translated into the realm of the magical?

I think I just thought of the modern literary movement I might belong to: magic realism.

It’s a crying shame the Decadent Movement isn’t active anymore, though, because that one truly feels like a good fit for me both as an author and an individual. Ah well, c’est la vie.

Previous Chapter / Next chapter

Masterlist

There is nothing better for a wolf than being with its mate. 

Well, there is one thing.

Having them completely at your mercy as you’re inside them.

I still don’t understand what the plastic wrapping is good for, but Jinyoung was very insistent on using it while we drove to the airport. And Y/N seemed glad I had whatever it is, her scent even betraying a hint of relief. However, one day, I hope she’ll tell me not to use it.

No, that’s not right. There’s a word for the… whatever it is.

A condom.

That’s the word.

I hope she’ll tell me not to use a condom. It doesn’t matter whether I’m in season or not, although the chances she’ll pup are higher if I am. I want pups with her, a little pack of our own. I want it to be our toddler running around the park, chasing its sibling. Then again, will I remain human long enough to see them grow up?

Will I even remember their birth on the day they’re born?

Will I still be here?

Or remain without a family, a proud bloodline?

I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the sunlight bathing the room in a warm golden hue, swallow hard and force myself to calm down. There is no use in contemplating this now, not this early in the day nor in our time together. What counts is that I’m here now with Y/N in my arms and we’re in her apartment somewhere.

A faint whiff of brine seeps in through the air cleaner filter above the window overlooking the city. A gull flies by and lands on the roof of the building opposite ours.

Sea. Rusted metal. Right, the old harbour.

A high-pitched noise, a disquiet hum followed by a sigh, makes my ears perk up. I look down at the lady sleeping on my chest, curled up and fingers balled into small fists similar to a bunny’s paws. More importantly, however, she’s perfectly alright and was only unconsciously trying to get more comfortable.

A breathless chuckle rises in my throat at the display. Y/N’s adorable even when she’s fast asleep, her lips parted yet not enough to allow drooling.

I, on the other hand, am another story. I don’t do it often, but I must have been so tired last night I triggered the habit. The finger I swipe over the corners of my mouth comes away wet both times.

Oh no, I didn’t drool on her, did I? Would she mind, though, if I explained it’s a sign I’m comfortable with her?

It isn’t hard to guess the answer to the question. She would beat me over the head, likely with a shoe, and say I’m not allowed to bite her at all anymore. Not even in the future.

In a hurry to discover whether I made the fatal mistake, I check her messy hair but keeping my movements controlled to not wake her up. Fortunately, there are no locks sticking together nor a trail running down over the side of her face.

With a deep sigh, I slump further down into the bed again and kiss her crown. However, I don’t go back to sleep despite the comfort of the sheets. Instead, I lift the lady’s head and gently put her down on the pillow as I get up, carefully calculating every movement like I do when hunting to make sure she won’t wake up or notice my absence in her unconscious state.

The faint smell of burned iron comes from somewhere when I rearrange the sheets to bundle Y/N up. My mouth dries up, throat blocked by something I can’t swallow as a familiar stench disturbs the morning happiness. Former intentions abandoned, I claw through the sheets to try and discover where the rank odour comes from.

Did I hurt her? Is she bleeding? Why is she bleeding? Where is it? Where’s the blood?

As suspected, the frantic search wakes the pretty lady. Propped up on an elbow, eyes half-closed and brows furrowed, she turns to me. “Jae, what-’’ she yawns, “What’re you doing?”

Barely has she asked the question or I find what I’ve been looking for.

On her side of the bed, between her thighs, is a puddle of dried blood.

Where did it come from? Did I… Did I do this?

I grab her by the shoulders and pull her close to check her condition, turning her this way and that as each thought grows more troubled. “Are you okay?” There’s nothing to see on the bare skin of her upper body. “Are you hurt?”

Maybe the wound is somewhere lower, on her hip or leg. I didn’t bite her last night. Right? I didn’t hurt her. At least, I don’t think I did. No. Surely the wolf- I wouldn’t harm her. I had enough control to prevent that from happening. Yes, that’s the case.

But then, with a fading mind, how much can I trust myself?

“Jaebeom, I’m fine. What are you- ah.” Y/N notices the spot of dark crimson when I pull the sheets completely off the bed and toss them aside. She lets out an incomprehensibly careless chuckle, evidently oblivious to the gravity of the situation.

“What are you giggling about? Y/N, you’re bleeding!” I bark, lost.

A small paw cups my cheek, her thumb caressing the skin in an attempt to calm me down. “You took my virginity. It’s natural to bleed a little when that happens.”

“Are you still in pain?” Even though it’s natural, surely it’s not without repercussions. Otherwise, the stain wouldn’t be there.

“No, I’m not, silly. I’m okay.” She kisses the tip of my nose when I let out a whine, unhappy with the response. Withal, a curious tone in her voice overtakes my own displeasure. “Are you?”

Why do you say it like that?

She sounds weird, hinting at something I’m supposed to find as obvious as she. Yet, I have no clue about what it can be. So, I tilt my head and stare blankly at her, waiting for an explanation. “I’m fine.” 

My choice of words makes her visibly flinch despite the effort to hide it. The sleepiness which glazed her eyes evaporated, leaving them devoid of the amusement at my failure as a human. The recognizable sour note of anxiety creeps back into her scent, setting off alarm bells in my mind. “I’m alright. No pain. Happy to be here. Happy to wake up next to you.”

I rub her arms in a poor attempt to make her calm down, have her scent return to its spring-like fruitiness. She is supposed to smell like fresh fruit still hanging from the trees, yet to ripen. Not like fallen fruit beginning to decay in the summer sun.

“Okay,” is all she says in response before she pulls away, the absence of the warmth of her palm sending a cold shiver throughout my body.

The world always seems a little colder without her.

“Want breakfast?” A low grumble pierces the silence following the question, giving me enough of a response. And a reason to get my head, no, that’s not the idiom. To get my thoughts ordered. Organized. To get my thoughts in order? To think about… stuff. Last night. This. Everything. “Never mind. I’m making you breakfast. You have to eat.”

I stand up and head for the bathroom to first get rid of the weird plastic wrapping she put on me last night. Having thrown it in the bin there after a bit of an awkward struggle removing it, I move to the kitchen. Nevertheless, I don’t start preparing food right away. Instead, I pick up the grey hoodie I gave her from the bag between the sofa and chair facing the kitchen. I remember how she held it up to her nose, breathed in and basked in the scent.

My scent.

A fragment of last night’s memory.

I remember we had sex and that she told me I’m her first, but afterwards things are blurry.

Smell. I said something about how nicely she smells. Not really an original compliment since I’ve said it a lot already, but I can’t help but focus on it.

And then…

Then…

Then instinct took over because I let it, thinking I’d remain in control even though I let go a little. After all, I’ve learned enough to know how to deal with the wolf inside thanks to the rehabilitation procedure Jinyoung put me through and supervised. Since then, there’s been a healthy balance between human and beast in my mind.

Or, rather, there was one.

I think.

Another boundary to watch out for. I have to keep myself in check. No more experimenting.

Because to do so is to forget.

And I want to remember.

 I stop absent-mindedly thumbing the piece of clothing, drape it over the armrest of the sofa and head into the kitchen to make breakfast. Unfortunately, the fridge quickly brings my plan to a halt, empty except for a pack of soy milk and a tray of eggs. The groceries Jinyoung and I got were only enough for dinner last night and there are no leftovers.

To be fair, she did just come back from a trip abroad. But still, is there really nothing to work with?

I sigh in defeat and grab the plant-based milk to pour it over the apple and cinnamon granola I find in the cupboard above the sink. At least it’s food and drink in one meal.

From the drawer next to the oven, I grab two spoons which I put into the bowls, grab the hoodie from the couch and return to the bedroom.

Y/N sits with her back turned to me, but flips around a little too fast for my liking once she hears my paws approaching. “Jaebeom?”

The terrible mixture of barely suppressed horror and genuine concern in her gaze has translated into her voice, which is cold and calculating. The sour note of anxiety hasn’t faded from her scent, creating a stone to sink to the bottom of my stomach because there’s only one thing that can be a distressing factor this early in the day.

Me.

Withal, the reason why she’s scared puzzles me since I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I’ve simply been me since I woke up.

Human.

Although, that’s me now.

Last night, I don’t know who or what I was though it isn’t hard to guess.

The pretty lady traces the deep indentation in the headboard of the bed with her fingers bent to resemble a claw. “Did you do this?”

Did- Did I? No. I- I don’t know. I was less strict with myself last night and don’t remember much, but surely I wasn’t gone enough to do this.

I hope.

I think.

I’m not sure.

But the reality provides the necessary evidence to repute any kind of denial I can offer.

I set the bowls down on the nightstand and crawl back on the bed to sit next to her. Gently, I nudge her hand aside to mimic her action, my own fingers perfectly fitting into the large gash. “I don’t know.”

A surge of violence shoots throughout my body, triggering the nagging feeling of a forgotten memory strong enough to knock the air out the lungs and split my skull with flashes of a memory. Nevertheless, the fragments pass by too fast to make sense of them and the mere attempt to do so worsens the headache. I flinch and scramble backwards with a paw- a hand pressed to my head as if I can thus suppress the pain. Yet, I remain unable to look at anything but the damage.

“I don’t know,” I repeat, my voice hardly louder than a scared whisper.

“I felt your skin move beneath my fingers last night,” Y/N starts, catching my attention with the timid response suggestive of requiring more explanation.

Exactly what I don’t have since I can’t even explain it myself.

This shouldn’t be happening.

“I think I did, at least,” she adds doubtfully on a shivery breath. The sourness sweetens to doubt instead of anxiety. Nonetheless, it’s still worrying she’s ill… uncomfortable.

“Did I-“ I swallow hard, forcing out the words describing my worst nightmare. “Did I transform?”

“Transform?’’ She briefly turns her gaze from me to the indentation, lips parted in an attempt to articulate a thought that’s dismissed with a headshake the second thereafter. Her attention returns to me, her expression slackened. ‘’What are you- What… No, you didn’t, but you looked far away. Retreated further into your own world, more so than you normally are.”

“That’s good,” I mumble, nodding as I, too, briefly return my attention to the claw mark. “Was human. Good.”

Still, need to talk to the weird-smelling intruder. Doctor. Friend. Name, his name. Jinyoung. Jesus, man, get yourself together. Your name is Im Jaebeom. You’re a twenty-eight old werewolf that- no, who runs a bookshop called Paper Souls. Jinyoung is your friend, doctor and supervisor appointed to you by... by... some organization.

“Jaebeom,” the pretty lady puts her hand on my shoulder, features softened instead of frozen and marred by fear, “have you taken your medication yet?”

The natural fruity undertone seems forced to be stronger.

You should be scared. I might have- I made that claw mark. Why treat me like a human? I’m a wolf.

“Me- Med-“ The strange word barely registers until a spark of humanity recalls its definition. “Medication. Pills. No, I- I haven’t.”

“Let me grab a glass of water and get them.”

She ruffles my hair, jumps off the bed and rushes out of the room. I listen to her bare feet lightly treading the floor as she moves on the other side of the wall, hurried steps going from the hallway, where she rummages in my coat for the rattling bottle of pills, to the kitchen. There, she opens a cupboard to grab a glass. The loud clinking of glass alongside the sour undertone in her scent indicates she almost accidentally caused several to fall out and break on the tiles. Fortunately, judging by the deep sigh of relief, Y/N could prevent it from happening.

She turns on the tab, fills the glass with water, turns the tab off and walks back into the room.

“There you go,” she says, handing me the small brown bottle and water. 

The mattress dips a bit when she sits down next to me with one of the bowls filled with cereal in her hands. After stirring the spoon around like she is trying to evade something, Y/N finally takes a first careful bite. Nevertheless, she starts eating properly after I kiss her temple, which is an apparently effective form of encouragement. I have to remember that. 

Quietly seated in the golden sunlight, we have our first breakfast together. I don’t mind her watching me as I’m taking my medication, measuring out the amount Jinyoung told me to take. Or, rather, as much as the label notes I should. Immediately my gag reflex is triggered when I put them in my mouth, the taste of bitter metal extremer than before so it’s like licking one of the rusted over buoys drifting in the harbour.

He’s increased the nightshade and silver. Damn, I think even the worst coffee tastes better than this.

“That bad?”

“Yep.” I open and close my mouth, nauseous due to the sickening taste lingering on my tongue. To prevent the bile rising in my throat from escaping, I gulp down the water. Unfortunately, it only washes down part of the bitterness.

She holds up a spoon with milk-soaked granola to feed to me, but I turn it down and shake my head. I might actually throw up if I eat anything right now. 

Disappointment flashes across her face, though it’s gone in an instant as she puts her bowl down and stands up. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

“But... food,” I meekly offer and point at the half-empty bowl on the nightstand. She should put herself before me. 

Because I’ll be fine.

“We’re missing something important. Coffee,” the bunny-like lady playfully responds before she bounces off again to the kitchen.

The pleasant and slightly sweet scent of instant cappuccino warms the apartment, replacing the sharp scent of frozen water alluding to hail later on in the day. It’s a little early in the year, but soon the first snows will fall.

Hopefully, she’ll move before then so we can spend Christmas in her cottage. Although, it doesn’t even have to be the holidays. I’d light a fire, drape a blanket over our shoulders and keep Y/N close to warm her with mine as we read and look at the snowfall.

Like a snowflake falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling before our eyes, so we pass through life. At this rate, I think the next snowfall might be the last I’ll see.

Consciously.

Meaningfully.

Like a human.

The snowflake will faintly fall on the man I am, descend on the husk I’m becoming, while she will continue living.

Without me.

The living and the dead.

I smile wistfully until the same shot of pain treks through me as when I tried to fill in the gaps of the fragmented memory. Folded in on myself, cold sweat on my skin and short of breath, I press my palms against my snout to push the agony away.

The pained groaning must have alarmed the pretty lady because she rushes to my side and pushes one of the mugs in her little paws… hands in mine. “Here, take a sip. The caffeine will help.”

As told, I nip at the hot beverage. Indeed, the cappuccino lessens the headache and cold shivers that ran down my spine and threatened to spread. Though I dislike instant coffee, it actually tastes good when she prepares it. I sigh in relief, blow on the coffee to cool it down, and slowly drink it while Y/N caresses my jaw and ear just the way I like it. At the same time, she comforts me with her soothing voice, murmuring words of solace and assurance as she sits down next to me again. 

I could listen to you all day. Maybe I should ask you to read to me sometime. Although, not maybe. I’ll ask it later. Note to self, write a note on your phone to ask her to read to you. Also, make note of kissing her temple.

My reverie is broken up by a comment which rubs me the wrong way. “I have to go to the office later today-’’

“Already? You just got home.”

“They’re counting on me, Jae. Besides, I’m not that jet-lagged.”

“It’s not healthy. You should stay home. Rest,” I bark. Her eyes widen, taken aback by my bluntness.

She opens and closes her mouth, planning to say something yet deciding against it. Instead, she tugs my ear. “I’ll be fine. And you have your shop to look after, so let’s both work hard today.”

“Still,” I take another sip, “I don’t think you should go.”

“As long as I have caffeine, I should be able to manage. How about this? I’ll come to your shop as soon as I’m done with work and cook for us. We’ll have a cosy night in like we had last night.”

“Last night was ‘cosy’ indeed,” I murmur, hoping she catches on to what I’m alluding to.

“It was. I really liked it.” Her lashes flutter with the memories of last night, cheeks tinged pink. Unfortunately, the heartstopping girlish giggle is short-lived and becomes serious too soon. “But while I did, I think we shouldn’t do it again so soon.”

“Agreed,” I respond, mind occupied by the ripples of transformation and the splashes of pain wanting to remember something significant only communicated in incomprehensible flashes.

Distorted.

Like the memories of the forest.

I need to call Jinyoung. He needs to know.

 “What shall we eat tonight?”

The change in subject is welcome, but also a confusing bridge to cross. How can humans go from severe to casual without a care? The aspect of communication has me furrow my brows as I try to work out the mech… work… nuts and bolts behind it. Nevertheless, I answer the question. “I thought you had a plan already.”

The corners of her mouth curl up into a cat-like grin. “I have no idea, so that’s why I’m asking you. You’re a better chef than I am.”

“I’m not that good,” I murmur, my ears lowered like a shy pup. “But I’d like something we can make together.”

“Pancakes?”

“Yes!’’ I bark, leaning in and grabbing the sheets to contain the excitement at cooking together. ‘’Yes, I’d like that!”

A flicker of doubt passes over her face, hesitant in the way she tends to be when it concerns food. However, a second later, she taps me on the nose with a content hum. “Pancakes it is.”

While Y/N showers, I clean the dishes and pull the sheets off of the bed so she can bring them to the laundry. Although, maybe I could do it myself. I’d have to text Jinyoung for instructions since he always does mine, but even then it shouldn’t be too difficult. Humans do laundry all the time. It’s part of their routine and if they can do it, so can I.

I hope.

As I’m making the bed and contemplating the process to get at least the blood stain out of the fabric, my mate walks back into the room. Her wet hair is bundled up in a towel that’s smaller than the one wrapped around her body. The addition of the scents of cherry blossoms and matcha to the blend of summer fruits drives me dizzy as she moves to the wardrobe.

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help looking as the towel falls to the floor to reveal her naked body. An appreciative growl unconsciously rises from my throat, a surge of heat culminating between my legs.

Just one more time. I’ll keep myself in check. Behave. I’ll behave.

“Jaebeom,” cheeks flushed, Y/N glances over her shoulder, “don’t even think about it.”

“Sorry,” I mumble as I shuffle to her side to help her put on her bra by closing the clasps. When they click in place, I place a kiss between her shoulder blades, feeling her shiver against my lips. “I know what we agreed on.”

I wrap my arms around her waist and let my head rest on her shoulder. Eyes closed, I try to keep a clear mind as she scratches me behind the ear.

“It’s not necessarily... that.” Her voice is light, wanting to move past the concerns of last night with humour. “It’s rather the thought I wouldn’t get to leave for the office at all if we go back to bed.”

“You’re right.” I decide to play along, if only to give us both some peace of mind. So, I bury my nose in the side of her neck, nuzzling her and earning myself a bird-like giggle that spreads a nice fuzzy feeling inside. “I wouldn’t let you go. We’d read the day away with coffee.”

“Tea, in your case. Doctor’s orders. I don’t want you bouncing around the place. You’re my calm, well, sort of calm bookish wolf. Not a supercharged husky.”

It’s a lame joke, but nevertheless makes me laugh.

“What will you wear today?” I ask, glancing at the clothes on the hangers.

Here and there, there’s a colourful item in the collection. Withal, the majority of the items are mono… one-toned... black and white items to be switched up with a dark-shaded checkered blouse.

My attention drifts to the long white dress with lemons. The fabric is on the thin side, which makes it suitable for summer or a warm spring.

I’d love to see you in that dress, if only just once.

She pouts her lips. “I was thinking about grey high-waisted jeans with a black button-up shirt and ankle boots.”

“Wear my hoodie,” I whine, upset my… my girlfriend. That sounds nice. My girlfriend. It makes me upset that my girlfriend doesn’t plan on wearing one of the things I gave her. “You like the grey one, right?”

“I do, but-’’

“Then wear it.”

She sighs, shakes her head and turns around to look up at me. “There’s something like a dress code at the office.”

“Don’t care.” I nudge her nose with mine, bark lowered to a woof to persuade her to go with my choice. “You’ll look better. More pretty.”

“If you put a pair of boxers on, I’ll wear the hoodie. Deal?”

“But they’re uncomfortable. I only wore them because Jinyoung told me to.”

“Then I won’t wear the hoodie.” Little devilish will-o’-the-wisps light up her eyes as the corners of her mouth curl up into a taunting grin. “Shame. Now my colleagues won’t get to see I have a boyfriend.”

The tables have flipped since I’m apparently not the only one who’s good at using their charms.

Nevertheless, reluctant to start a fight over this, I let out a compromising chuff. “Okay, fine.”

Humans and their clothes. I like yours, but you’d look even better in mine. Still, I’m only doing this because I want every male at your office and in the city to know you’re mine.

No matter what size they are, clothing is a thing I absolutely haven’t missed. Notwithstanding, to please my mate, I wriggle myself back into the tight short trousers and the loose pants to wear over them. Y/N gives me a warning look when she sees me fumbling with my shirt, hopefully missing out on the obvious clue I secretly hope she’ll let me off easy.

Of course she doesn’t.

“Yes, Jae, also the shirt,” she chastises me like a mother disciplines a rebellious pup. “And the shoes. You don’t want other people to call the cops after seeing a naked man in the streets.” Unaware of the fact I can hear her perfectly even as she mutters under her breath, she adds. ‘’Or me to pick you up at the police station because of it.’’ 

Amused by the funny image the fantastical scenario creates in my mind, I relent. “Yes, ma’am.”

Once we’re both dressed, Y/N makes way for the bathroom to do her makeup. Ignoring my protests it’s unnecessary since there’s nothing to hide or improve to make me love her more, she closes the door behind her and locks it.

There goes the plan of dragging her out of there by the collar to have her scratch my jaw and ear again instead. A much better way to pass the time, if you ask me.

In the meanwhile, I return to the bedroom to take a picture of the damage with my phone and send it to Jinyoung.

Jaebeom: We need to talk.

Immediately, I get a response.

Jinyoung: Yes, we absolutely do. Everything OK?

Jaebeom: Yes, Y/N is fine. Alive. A little shaken, but so am I. Well, we’re more than a little shaken. Fuck, Jinyoung, I don’t know what happened.

Jinyoung: I’ll drop by later today. I have to give a lecture in a bit and have to see a new patient afterwards. He’s going through the reintegration program right now and needs a little extra help.

Jaebeom: Help with what? What is he?

Jinyoung: A wolf. Not a standard case.

Jaebeom: Anything I can help with?

Jinyoung: I think you need to focus on yourself right now. I’ll be at the shop around two.

Footsteps disturb the silence, going from the bathroom to the hallway.

That was quick. Are females always this fast with applying their face?

It’s a funny phrase, ‘applying my face’. Also, it’s the argument the pretty lady used as the final word on the matter. But she already has a face so there’s no need to apply a second like some Greek god.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Ears perked, I glance around the corner into the living room and in Y/N’s direction.

“Work?” she answers sheepishly, looking back at me with her head slightly tilted to the side. In her hands is the black trench coat she was about to put on.

Fortunately, she’s kept her makeup natural with a golden brown eyeshadow, a bit of a black line to accentuate her eyes and something to enhance her lashes. It’s a natural look which some of the female customers could learn from with their fake lips or chest that makes them reek of silicone and plastic. Their makeup, often overemphasizing their fake features, doesn’t add to their supposed charm. In fact, it makes me turn my snout away even faster if their attitude already hasn’t.

I’d never offer them coffee or want them around more than once.

But not her.

Not Y/N.

I can’t remember if she wore the same makeup when we met, but I vaguely recall a sense of calm and need for protection alongside a strange recognition. A connection that would make all the puzzle pieces of my life fit together.

The missing last piece.

“Not so fast.” I swiftly move to her side to kiss her forehead. No way I’m letting her go without giving her at least one more.

“There,” I pet her head, griggling and sweeping my tail triumphantly, “now you’re free to go.”

“I wouldn’t have gone without telling you, you know?” She stands on the tip of her toes to peck me on the lips, slightly swaying side to side to keep her balance.

So I lean forward to make it easier for her and chuckle against her lips. “Have a good day at work, Y/N.”

“You too, Jae.”

And with that, she puts on her coat, grabs her bag and opens the front door. She lingers in the doorway, waving half-heartedly as a final word of goodbye.

I wave back, faking a smile to see her off without worry.

Being human again isn’t so bad.

However, the deadline is another story.

The shop is as tranquil as it is on any other day. The quietness of unread words hangs between the shelves, the only noise to disrupt the silence being the rustle of a page being turned. Seated by the window as per usual, listening to the hail in the dim light, I read the time away, but whereas it’s normally a form of amusement and pleasure, it now functions in part to forget this morning’s discovery.

I didn’t mean to pry, but I inspected Y/N’s bookshelves before I left her apartment. There was the usual assortment of classics, but also a lot of Asian fiction, a genre I haven’t delved into too much yet. So, of course with the intention of returning it, I took Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami with me.

She must have read it recently because her fruity scent still lingers on the paper. The summer blend distracts me to the point that the movement of the hands of the clock pass unnoticed in the background.

Regardless of the appointed time, it’s half past two instead of two o’clock that Jinyoung comes in. In his one hand he holds a carrier with two paper cups, the sleeves on them decorated with the silhouette of a black wolf and the name of the café printed in vintage letters beneath the design, the letters spelling out Wolf’s. Judging by the scent, it’s tea the doctor has brought with him. Apple cinnamon for me, since that’s the only one I like, and rooibos for himself.

In his other hand, he holds his bag. One of the claps has either not been fastened before he left or came undone along the way. Whatever the reason, it’s clear he came here in a hurry.

“Sorry I’m late. Christian and I had a lot more to discuss than we thought.” Jinyoung stumbles inside, puts the tea and his bag on the counter, and turns around to lock the door and flip the sign so we can talk in private.

A hint of leather mixed with coffee and wood is mixed in with his own.

Male.

Threat.

Teeth gritted and jaw clenched, I make a mental note to myself to keep this scent away from Y/N. To keep this Christian away from her.

“Jaebeom,” the other male sighs. His tone holds a silent warning of being close to breaking some kind of boundary.

“What?” The answer rolls off the tongue as a growl rather than an actual question. Not that it matters since he must have had a lot worse to endure from me. Besides, it’s not him I’m pissed at so he’s safe.

Although, the wild undertone in his already peculiar personal blend alludes to the opposite.

Has he always smelled like this or is this new? He is human, but then why does my instinct tell me to watch out for him, that there’s more than to him? Strange. 

“He’s no competition. I think he might have imprinted with my colleague, although neither he nor she might be aware of it.” He rolls his eyes. “The gods know whether Gráinne will do anything with it. I wonder if... no, I don’t think either of them told her anything.”

A grim wistfulness stains his voice, which ignites a curiosity about his colleague’s circumstances. Notwithstanding, that story will have to wait until another day and his willingness to tell me.

Still, I quickly fish my phone out of my pocket, open the notes app, and jot down a short reminder to ask about it at a later date.

“Anyway,” Jinyoung steps away from the door, hands me the cup with apple cinnamon tea, and gestures at the worn couch by the window overlooking the west side of the neighbourhood, “we’re here to talk about you. About the picture you sent.”

We move away from the counter to the sofa. A burst of hail spatters against the glass as we sit down.

I’m glad to have something to hold to conceal the shivers running through my body at the image of the claw mark mixed with the memory of what Y/N told me she felt. Or, rather, thought she felt although I’m certain she actually did feel the first ripples of transformation.

For a moment, we sit in silence as I mentally prepare myself for the conversation. Nipping on the tea with my shoulders curled over my chest, I try to reconstruct last night as best I can.

As much as my memory lets me.

To break the... something. There’s an idiom, no, a phrase? A saying.

I don’t know.

Not anymore.

To make it easier, likely noticing the struggle to say anything, Jinyoung speaks up. “There’s more than the photo. You’re leaving things out, things I need to know to help. What aren’t you telling me, Jaebeom?”

“Y/N-” I begin, my breath unsteady as I restart the sentence, “Y/N said she felt my skin move and if I try to remember last night, I can only recall fragments that give me a headache when I try to string them together. Which I can’t.”

He pales, frozen in place as the weird briny scent sours. “That shouldn’t-’’

“Shouldn’t happen,” I finish the remark. 

A horrifying idea arises that sets the hairs on the back of my neck on end and has me nervously tapping my thumbs together as I try not to squeeze the cup in my paws. Nonetheless, voice a low woof bordering on a melancholic whine, I tell the doctor what’s on my mind. “I think the pills stopped working. Completely. I- I don’t think-’’

The world stops, shrinks, and strings my chest as tight as a string as I shrink within myself. Each thought evaporates as fast as the flashes in the wolf’s memory, incoherent if meant to be sensible at all.

The snow hasn’t even come.

I can’t leave her alone.

I don’t want to leave this life.

I don’t want to go just when being human again starts to get good.

I don’t want to be the old me again.

  “I think so too,” Jinyoung agrees grimly. “If I increase the silver and nightshade or the doses it will kill you.”

He tilts his head to the side, eyes sharp with focus as he poses the question I’ve been wondering about myself. “Does she know what you are?”

I shake my head. I might be her weirdo wolf guy, but she’d never believe me if I told her what I really am. Besides, werewolves are the stuff of fiction these days.

We’re no longer seen as a real threat nor have the power and status we used to have in the days of yore. We are devoid of an identity acknowledged by humans.

But, if I don’t possess an identity, am I really here?

Alive?

Or dead like the wolf inside?

Paradise is calling, the song of the forest playing like a red thread through my broken memory.

Beckoning me home.

The woods are calling.

And I must not go.

Jinyoung’s new question pulls me out of my reverie, just in time before the train of thought would crash and burn. “Are you going to tell her?”

“No.” I take a sip of the sweet tea, to have a second of bliss and enjoy a new human pleasure.

Another happiness I discovered a little too late.

“Will you at least tell her about your meds?” Even though she’s seen me take them, Y/N doesn’t know what they’re for. But, then again, did she look at the label?

Regardless of whether she did or not, she’s perhaps not truly ignorant to the reason I have to take them. After all, she thinks they combat my amnesia, which is partially true. It’s a half-truth.

But the real reason is a secret I intend to keep.

“No,” I repeat, determined in my answer regardless of the world spinning out of control. “I won’t tell her.”

“She deserves that much, doesn’t she? She’s your girlfriend, Jay.’’ Although his features have softened, the doctor’s voice rises to a fierce bark as he reinforces his point. ‘’Your mate.”

“I can’t tell her,’’ I retort, my bark closer to a growl than a civilized answer. Tears brim on the edge of my lashes, obscuring my vision in spite of my attempts to blink them away. The vision of Y/N by herself in the snow, on her knees in the middle of the orchard, blocks my throat and makes breathing harder than it already was. 

The vision changes to the image of a spring day close to summer, warm enough for her to wear the dress with the lemons. She’s seated in the same position between the trees which are now white and pink with blossom. However, whereas her belly was flat before, it’s now swollen, pregnant with pups.

My pups?

No, I have to stay here.

I have to survive the winter.

I have to be here if I ever change my mind and want to start a pack with her.

I must be here.

But the question is whether I actually can.

At this rate, I’m not sure.

I don’t know.

But I know enough to explain why I’m reluctant to tell my pretty lady anything. ‘’I can’t tell her, because the news will hurt her and I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Plus, what am I supposed to say? I’m a wolf that turned into a man and is slowly dying, going back to his old form in which it... he. Am human. In which he’ll be stuck until it- He! Am human! Until he dies?

“Y/N has to know about this, Jaebeom.’’ A hand on my shoulder makes me look up from the floor to the man next to me. ‘’How about I talk to her, tell her what you told me and discuss what our options are as well as a plan for the future?”

“You’re right.” I let out a mirthless griggle. “Fuck, I hate it when you are. But… But how will you… explain, uhm, explain… this- me! How will you explain me? What I am? For all she cares, werewolves are my- myth- fic-’’ I throw my head back, frustrated I can’t find the right word or properly speak.

Jinyoung gives me an encouraging squeeze, kindheartedly chuckling at my failure. “I know what you mean. Nobody comes into our world willingly or at least without a good reason. I think your... situation is enough of the latter for her to get involved too. She doesn’t have to join the branch, I’ll leave that up to her. But, if Y/N decides to believe me, or us for that matter, she’ll at least have a community to rely on when you, you know, you’re...”

“When I’m gone.’’ The hesitance to state the facts makes me grimace and my tone sharper than intended. ‘’We both know where this is heading so just say it.”

“Fine,’’ the doctor puts his hands up as if he’s at the risk of being shot ‘’when you’re gone.”

“What’ll happen to the shop?” I gesture around the paper paradise, changing the topic slightly. Books have been another treasure of humanity I will forever be grateful for, especially since I hopefully have created a legacy with them that’s worth keeping.

The doctor glances around, a somber expression on his face. “Either the university will keep it and maintain it as a potential workplace in the reintegration program or sell it off. I don’t know, real estate doesn’t fall within my jurisdiction.”

“Ah, I see.” I lower my head, gaze averted to the half-empty cup in my paws.

Funny how I once thought of making this a family business or to have at least my pup’s name on the spine of one of these books. If I ever had them, would they like to be a writer? Would Y/N tell them their absent father, I... I love... loved to read?

I force myself to forget the thought, swallow despite having a dry mouth, and shake my head. “Thank you. For wanting to tell her. She’ll come over tonight, so-’’

He holds up his hand to stop me. “I’ll text her so we can meet at a later date. She just returned from a business trip and had quite the evening with you. You two deserve a bit of rest.”

“But what if...”

It’s unlikely, but what if it happens again? What if I spin out of control tonight?

“Keep your temper in check and try to suppress your instinct,” Jinyoung answers matter-of-factly.

So, no sex.

Although the unspoken implication doesn’t come as a surprise, I can’t help but feel disappointed even though Y/N and I agreed on not doing it again so soon. Notwithstanding, it would be a lie to say I didn’t want to do it again this morning. But then there was the pool of blood and the amnesia that ruined our morning bliss.

All the same, flashes of what I do remember from last night replay in my mind.

They say once you’ve had a wolf, you never go back. Maybe because I won’t let you.

She looked beautiful, tears glistening in her eyes, equally as beautiful as her meek whimpers. She’s so small and fragile, easy to overpower.

To conquer.

“Your mind’s…. gutter again, isn’t it?” A groan sounds from somewhere on the side, distant like a faint echo

I was inside her.

In spite of the weird plastic, she felt nice.

Warm.

Wet.

I replay the image of her whimpering on the sheets as I looked down at her over and over. My hand on her cheek and Y/N keeping it in place. I should have used that second to dive down and worship her soft breasts more.

I could have bitten her there. Just a small bite on the side.

The snapping of a pair of fingers before my eyes interrupts the pleasant reverie. A bit offended, I snap around to growl at whoever took the pleasure of a cherished memory away.

 Only to face Jinyoung, who sighs and looks down at the bulge in my pants before pursing his lips with an exasperated knowing expression as he looks up. 

Scrambling to regain my composure and hardly remembering what he said, I answer as best I can. “No!”

“Then why are you drooling?”

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

massaging them , bandaging injury in healer draco / auror Harry one shot please thank you ❤️

This one is new!! Btw sorry for delaying it. Here ya go, hope you like it. @flakeyakey

Single healers

" come on, get him in here" although it was deafening. He was probably losing his senses, his eyes opening and closing, blurring his vision. He couldn't really see the speaker but unconsciously sensed the urgency in their voice.

" and you're sure he wasn't bitten ?" The same voice asked again. Harry tried very hard to open his eyes and see who it was, but exhaustion was pulling him under and he was ready to sleep. Long sleep.

His breath was cutting short, his vision blackening, he was relaxed finally until someone started to lightly pat his cheeks.

" keep breathing, potter... Don't you dare give up right now " and that was the last thing he heard, only getting a slight peek of someone oddly familiar and with a nod, harry closed his eyes.

It was really exhausting to be where harry was right now but all he did really felt was the uncomfortable pillow, hurting his neck. In attempts to fix his pillow, he tried to move his arm until he realised they weren't exactly in a spectacular shape and he grimaced with pain.

" welcome back sweetie" he heard a sweet voice. Okay, there isn't any woman at Harry's home, so he opened his eyes.

" ouch " harry immediately shielded his eyes because of the intense light

" shut that light Karen, it's hurting his visuals" Someone said as they must've shut the door behind him.

Once the light was turned off, harry relaxed and opened his eyes again.

" wow, this is definitely not home " harry groaned

" well not if your home is a hospital potter" the guy in the white coat said. Harry couldn't see whoever it was, mostly because his back was turned to harry but also because he was very much leaned over onto the table that you couldn't see anything but his white coat, his black pants and nice black shoes, shining, and if harry wasn't wrong they were vintage, oh!!

" so how do you feel ?" The guy finally turned around

" I knew it, only you say my name that way " harry fisted his palm in a small victory.

"yeah, yeah very great achievement potter, now how do you feel ?" He asked

" well, for one, I can't feel my ass because of this bed, second, my arm is really sore, third my pillow isn't put right so it definitely is craning my neck too much that it hurts. And lastly my question how did I wound up here ?" Harry goes

" Karen please do the honours of adjusting thy majesty's pillow or he'd cry over it" the other man said as he poured some liquid carefull in a vial.

" now, to answer your question, I am not even slightly interested in how you wound up here, all I know is that you are here and I have to take care of you. Next, the beds are a bit uncomfortable, you'll get used to it in a bit and if not, I'll cast a cushioning spell and lastly, can you tell me exactly where your arm feels most sore ? And do the honours of actually telling me how you feel ?" He said as he walked towards harry, analysing the morning reports he received.

" still keeping the I am a prat attitude Malfoy, suits you " harry rolled his eyes, pointing above his elbow on the dorsal side.

" well the sodding insolent prat attitude suits you too potter " draco rolled his eyes as he lightly dabbed Harry's arm recieving a flinch.

" there's no such external injury here so I think that's a bruise. Think massage would do it " draco frowned to himself

" I feel a little dizzy by the way. Also there's a portion on my neck that is itching quite badly, can I scratch ?" Harry asked innocently.

Draco furrowed his eyebrows before helping harry sit upright and taking a look at the point of his itch.

" those are deep scratches. So no you can't scratch Over. Karen I thought all wounds were cleaned up "

" I did. It must've been because it's on his back I might've missed it. I'm sorry " she hurriedly Apologized

" that wouldn't really qualify you as a healer would It, now, next time don't make the same mistakes. Ms. Adelman across the room needs you by the way " draco said as he dipped some cotton in antiseptic potion and cleansed Harry's wound.

" it's burns ? " Draco asked

" a little " harry grimaced.

" I think you got that from the werewolf " draco whispered as he carefully studied for any bites.

" when will I be free ?" Harry asked impatiently.

" well at this pace not for another two weeks" draco replied as he pushed down his reading glasses and kept the files over the side table.

" no way. I'm not staying for 2 weeks. That's 14 days off work, I can't do that. I'm in the Middle of an important case and-"

" okay save it potter. You have to stay for 2 weeks and it ends there. Your friend Weasley will come by and explain you everything but under my watch, even if you're free you're not allowed to work"

" and who gives you the right?" Harry rolled his eyes frustratingly

" me. As your healer, it is my responsibility to make sure that you only resume when you're wounds are all healed up " draco huffed, annoyed by Harry's childish behaviour to just break free.

" and you think I'd listen to you ?" Harry narrowed his eyes in a glare at Draco.

Draco clenched his jaw before closing his eyes and continuing speaking " you are not going anywhere and that is it, you get me! And if you do try to get away, I will tie you up with shackles without a wand. Now if you're a chain eater or something like that then you'd be successful to break free otherwise not "

" whatever " harry rolled his eyes, again. If draco had one pet peeve, it was people rolling their eyes necessarily on his face and potter seemed to have a death wish.

" look " draco pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed " you don't understand the severity of your injuries. I understand your passion for work and all but not at the risk of health. If you must know you were attacked by a werewolf, the problem however is that we're not sure if you were bitten or not.. it might've been someone who bit you before full moon, basically not a werewolf then but there is a possibility that you're not bitten, the more likely one -"

" but if there's a bite, you should be able to see right ?"

" yes and no. The evolution of werewolves is allowing them to leave very little traces of bites these days which of course does not benefit them nor potentially harm the one bitten. The real reason why we can't figure whether you're bitten or not is because your back Is covered in scratches and if you can't feel them it's because of the numbing potion. And we're done talking. Drink this up quietly"

Harry looked at Draco strangely for a moment before taking the vial from his hand and bottomed up " can I work from here ?"

" no " and draco walked out.

And then it became a thing, harry constantly asking if he could work and draco constantly denying and threatening him that this time he'd definitely put him in shackles. And by the by, interactions between them did get pretty interesting every once in a while when Draco used to check him up late at night before leaving from work.

And one of these days harry shoot his shot "you pretty much always leave late, come early and stay here all day, so I should by now just assume that you're single "

" not that it's any of your business potter " draco absent-mindedly replied as he changed the bandages on Harry's back.

" ha- you didn't deny it. So you are single " harry exclaimed

" sit still "

" sorry "

" why do you care if I date or not ? My personal life Potter " draco said as he changed the bandages on the bottom right of Harry's back, amused for a moment of what he saw something going under his pants. It seemed like a mark, he didn't question it.

"I don't. Just curious " harry shrugged.

" well dearest curious George, I must assume that you're single too since nobody special visited you " draco said as he got up and lightly massaged Harry's sore arm from before. Harry relaxed in his touch before he continued the conversation

" I don't do Dating. Even if I do date someone, it's never about us or the dating in itself, it's just mostly to get into witch weekly or daily prophet under the chosen one's new beau sort of thing "

Draco almost pitied harry for never having found something but decided not to, since he obviously didn't need the pity.

"that sucks " draco hummed " does it hurt still ?" He pressed a little more firmly over the spot

" not much anymore " harry replied " what's your not dating excuse ?"

Draco etched a small smile especially for harry before he told him the truth " it's a bitter world for me out there. I think it's the same as you, you know just the opposite end. It's almost as if i- I'm still a death Eater and people still hate me for that "

Harry pressed his lips in a thin line, never having thought of it. He always thought it must've been easy for Draco to find Someone, with being attractive and working somewhere you're basically helping people all day but it came as a mild shock as it was opposite.

" whoever ends up with would be one lucky person though " harry complimented just in time draco stopped massaging and picked up the vials to give to harry.

" really ? What makes you say that ?" Draco smiled

" because I know you'd do anything to keep that person in your life no matter the cost. And I've seen the good in you, you're not all bad " and with that harry gulped the vial, missing out draco's blushing.

" I think whoever ends up with you would be a lucky one too then " draco said as he finished up aligning the empty vial bottles on a tray to take them away.

" and why's that ?" Harry smiled

" because- it's just you. You're different and you're nice.. think you'd always keep them happy and safe if it were your life on stake. That's just you " draco complimented smiling at harry.

Not as capable as draco, harry turned pink from the compliment " that's nice of you "

Draco should not have been mesmerized but unfortunately he was and it should've been a mistake, but he liked it. And he knew harry enjoyed gazing at him too but the moment Only lasted so long and draco broke free before he could've lost control.

" I should go. Goodnight. Take care " and he left the room.

The next morning draco returned to his room, the first thing he saw was an empty bed until he harry walked in, shirtless.

" y- you can walk " draco said

" yeah. I can " harry smiled.

Gaining his composure back, Draco resumed " and you cleaned up nice, with all the Shaving "

" I figured I'll be leaving in 3 days so better get used to it again " harry replied

Draco stared at harry dumb folded " oh, right, yeah, 3 days "

" so " draco pouted " does it hurt anywhere? Need of change in bandages ? Or anything else?"

" no, I think I'm fine " harry placed his hand over his hips, frowning.

" well, alright then. I'll be going. I'll be checking in on you at the end of the day like a normal healer. Goodbye potter " and he practically ran before his heart might've fell out of his chest, metaphorically ofcourse.

The rest of the day draco got so busy that when the night came, he couldn't visit harry again even if he desperately wanted to but he was so exhausted that he could Barely walk and so by the recommendation of the work counsellor, he got sent off.

The first he did next day was visit harry, who to his surprise was sleeping. So like a normal healer, he checked his bottled of vial, his normal medicines and the bruises and left. When the night came, harry was swamped with his friends that draco couldn't had stayed for more than professional purpose. The next day again when he visited harry, he was tiredly sleeping. Defeated, draco worked all day until again at the end of the night he visited harry to see him sitting with all the files.

" working?" Draco asked as he place his files over the side table and started checking Harry's injuries, which were now almost healed.

" yeah. Filling in for what I missed while being here " harry sighed.

Draco scrunched his eyebrows looking at Harry he retrieved his hands and asked him " do you really enjoy your work though? Like putting your life on line and working immensely over something so exhausting ?"

" do you enjoy your work ?" Harry huffed

" I do. I very much do. It's tiring sometimes yes but I like what I do. It makes me feel nice About myself. Is it the same for you ?"

Harry huffed pushing away the files before Pouring our reality " to tell you the truth, I don't enjoy work. It was all fun in the beginning, the chase and run but now it just seems as if that's all I've been doing my whole life. Running after the bad guys but then that's exactly what everyone expects of me and I can't let them down. So I do exactly what I've been doing, the right thing "

Draco amusingly watched him, as if it was fun story, only it wasn't " my mom always used to say, much before anyone else's you're your own. There's no point in living your life the way people expects. I think they must've have had enough of that already. There's nothing new in the potter magazine you know, the chosen one after the bad guy. Life's too short for the same title harry "

" hey, you called me harry " harry pointed out grinning

" don't I deserve to at least call you by your name after taking care of your lame ass for 2 weeks " draco chuckled.

Harry chuckled " you deserve it, draco "

And draco smiled.

The next morning when harry was finally ready to depart with no ill effects or presence of lycanthropy, he waited until he see'd off draco..

" and I thought I'd almost miss your departure " draco heaved, breathing in harshly..

" nah, I wouldn't had let that happen " harry chuckled..

When Draco finally had his air back he leaned upright looking at harry " it was nice having you here "

" it was nice being here " harry smiled

" so, I guess, I'll see you around then ?" Draco asked awkwardly.

" right, yeah, of course " harry rambled.

" cool then " draco pressed his lips in a thin line, pushing his hands in his coat pocket.

" alright then. Bye " harry hesitated

" oh. Yeah..bye. see you again probably " draco replied

" yeah, might. Bye then "

" bye " and then finally harry stepped back one by one until he reached the door handle and turned around to walk out.

" fuck it " harry whispered under his breath and walked back to draco

" something wrong ?" Draco asked

" you. I don't care how stupid I might sound, but I like you, like I really really like you and I haven't felt his way for someone in a long time and I don't want to blow this away. So draco malfoy would you maybe want to go out with me someday even if I'm a complete insolent prat-"

" okay, yeah "draco grinned

" and I've got attitude problem and you possibly don't feel the same- wait- you said yes?" Harry rambled

" yep. I said yes " draco chuckled.

" oh. Then I'll definitely see you. Outside leaky cauldron, at 7 "

" you definitely will " draco smiled

" okay then" harry grinned as he started walking back again.

" okay "

" okay " harry bit his lip.

" I like you too by the way " draco chuckled

" I really have to go.. but it's good to know " harry chuckled..

" okay " and then harry finally left, after dancing in victory of course.

Requests open

[shiversdownyerspine]

7. Premeditated

GETTING WARMER FOR ALL THEM OTTO PEEPS. >:D

18+

You take a deep steadying breath into your hands, dragging them down your face as you breathe out. Stars twinkling in the window, you lean forward against the counter as your body shivers uncontrollably. With your elbows atop the counter, you wait once again for your kettle to boil, already dreading morning. 

This can't go on. At this rate, you're going to drink all the coffee in your home! But what can you do except wait? You've done it time and time again; wrap up in your covers, drink your piping hot tea, and catch a couple hours of sleep before the cold sets in again and you start the whole process over. Rinse and repeat the whole night away, the week away, until the chill that has made a home in your bones eases its grip. For a time.

Lips parting on a shaky sigh, you fiddle with your sleeve, allowing your flannel pajamas' polka dot pattern to distract you from your joyless thoughts. Feeling the fuzzy interior around the inside of the cuff, you miss the meager vestiges of body heat that had long disappeared into the night. Small as they were, at least they had been something. Your head swivels to eye your stove, the little flame burning under your kettle, and hop up on the counter to sit. Not too close to the flame, but close enough to soak up some of the heat.

As the water bubbles in its confines, you quickly switch off the stove and pop the kettle up before it can start to whistle. Filling your classic mug of chamomile tea, your thoughts once again fall; this was much easier to handle when you had no guests, no one to pick up on your little problem. Of course that's not their fault, and you're certainly not blaming them, just appreciating a freedom that you were unaware of before. 

Smile pulling at your lips, you recall a couple days prior how you taunted the three before disappearing to your room before revenge could be had. Your familiarity with the men has certainly been making you bold. Honestly, you're kind of surprised no one has retaliated against you, but on the other hand, the suspense offers a sort of retribution all on its own. You doubt that'd be enough for them though.

This introspection has you distracted well and good, to the point that when the tallest brother leaves the guestroom and walks barefoot to your kitchen, you had yet to notice him until he was practically in front of you. Deja vu strikes; your grasp falters, hands fumbling with your drink with the familiar sudden appearance of a long john wearing man. Wide eyed, you blink up at Otto as he scans you head to toe, taking in your shivering layers and that you are once more preparing a drink late in the night.

He is direct, "You're awake, why?"

Judging by his determined tone, the man is on a hunt. You fidget, "Can't sleep sometimes."

He snorts, "Weeks of bad sleep? No."

He gestures to your kettle, "Drink, why?"

Your answer is technically honest, "...I get cold sometimes."

With narrow eyes, he crushes your wish that he would leave it at that, "Cold why?" 

Your gaze lowers to your steaming cup, pouting just a little, "I was kind of hoping you'd just assume it's because I'm smaller in stature." Otto waits patiently, folding his arms in victory.

Tapping a nervous rhythm on the sides of your mug, you give it a go, "Well, you all know about my regeneration? So...I suffered a serious injury to my diaphragm and my ribcage when I was young and my healing was in..early development. It did heal, but not...uh..the way it should have...it was..different? Wrong?" 

Your brow furrows with frustration, "I-I'm sorry, I know I'm not being very clear, but the only way I'd know for certain is with a doctor visit...which I can't do for...many reasons. Basically all I have is just...theory." 

You sip your drink, eyes drifting back up to Otto.

"I think when the injury healed, it healed incorrectly and permanently. Because of that, I have difficulty generating and sustaining my own body heat. It just slips away sometimes. It took a good while to get used to these...random cold spells. They don't hurt, not really, I just...lose out on more sleep than I'd like."

Although the colder seasons are...pretty rough. You can't lie to yourself about that.

Otto cocks his head, frowning. He takes a moment to find the words, which he speaks softly, "All your blankets..sweaters...ah..hot drinking?" 

You smile to confirm, patting the knit blanket on your shoulder as you hum, "Yup, all to help with my condition. Well...not exclusively. I do enjoy all those things quite a bit, so even if I didn't have this little problem, I don't know if my tastes would be much different. There's just something about knit-wear and hot cocoa that makes me happy." You grin, wiggling your feet in the heavy fuzzy socks that currently adorn them, displaying your enjoyment of their softness. You can get a bit silly when you're so tired.

The look he gives you is...focused. Judging by the tense set of his jaw and the soft popping of his knuckles as his hands curl into fists, it's almost like he's...

"Who hurt you?" 

Your thought process is abruptly cut off. You blink in mild surprise...he's not asking what, but who. Does he suspect it wasn't some sort of accident then? You do have a lack of pictures around your home, no friends or family from before you became affiliated with the Commission, so maybe he reasoned that your isolation had something to do with an aversion to people? And not just fear of your ability being discovered?...The man pays attention.

The smile on your face fades as you fall still, thinking carefully. Of course you were trying to figure out some sort of way to answer his question without diving into dangerous waters, but you find that his question is pulling from you some honest consideration; you weren't sure how you felt about the agents that brought you to that man, but in the end they were just doing their jobs...you don't even know if they had any idea what was actually going on. Regardless of intent, you have no warm thoughts or feelings to spare for them. But, there was only one person that made the feathers on the back of your neck stand on end with just a thought.

"It doesn't matter, they're long gone now. Good riddance." Your last sentence leaves your lips in a quiet hiss.

Ottos frown deepens into a furious scowl, "Where."

Your hands squeeze your mug, "Dead. I promise."

You're fairly certain you're the one that did it. You had gotten some flickers of memory quite a while back, one in particular had been of a man in...dire need of assistance as he flailed uselessly underneath long frantically swiping claws. He hadn't really been recognizable under all the mess and gore...but oh, there was this feeling.

The tension in the large man seems to ease, but Otto pauses with curiosity and surprise as he processes the pure vitriol in your voice, "You kill?"

You stumble over your words, "I...well, anyone can kill...if they're backed into a corner, right? If there's no other way out, and...and really.." 

Your voice trails off at about the same time as your mind does, beginning the descent into fuzzy memory.

You're not even sure why you're fighting the urge to panic; these men are assassins, killing is a part of their life. They understand ending a life to defend oneself... but that isn't the problem, is it. It's not that someone might think less of you, it's that...you don't remember. 

"I barely remember doing it. I don't remember what I was thinking or what I felt. I don't remember being shot at, but I do remember the pain. Bullets and blood spilling out. I don't remember if that man said anything before I started mauling him. I don't remember if when I had staggered up off the floor after a never-ending beating if..if I'd ran or tracked the man down first and...what sort of person has that maliciousness at 12 years old?"

Sighing, you scrub a hand tiredly over your face, the thick silence in the air bringing your gaze back up to Otto and...oh...you'd said everything out loud.

Color drains from your face as your eyes fall to the half full cradle of tea that is the inside of your mug. The exhaustion swallows any further panic as you mumble an apology, that you didn't intend to burden him.

Bare feet quietly pat against the kitchen floor as the man steps closer to you, burning fingertips gracing your cheek. Deep in the back of your mind you're reminded of Axel's touch, but it isn't quite the same because it's Otto's. The warmth has you leaning into his palm, seeking more instinctively to chase the chill away. It's not enough.

Otto is quiet for a moment, searching for the words before he describes their first kill, how the brothers had been young as well but older than you were. Young adults. They hadn't been employed by the Commission yet, but what you can gather from the little he gives of the situation is that they were protecting Oscar. It happened so quickly, didn't feel real. It weighed heavy on them, got easier with time. Still have rare moments where it's heavy again, old thoughts, memories. He rests his nose and lips at the top of your head, lightly in your hair. Like you. You are like them.

Perched up on the counter, your knees lightly brush his hips as he stands close, nearly between your legs as his hand cups the back of your neck. His palm rests oh so lightly atop your feathers, careful not to ruffle or stress, only offering a sheepish sort of comfort. His scent surrounds you, and it's fresh laundry and unexplainably his own and it's making you dizzy, everything is making you fuzzy and you're so drained and he's so so close...

Impulsivity, desperation, and prolonged sleeplessness has stolen away your common sense as you scoot closer to him. Your arms wrap tentatively over his shoulders in a loose hug, carefully leaning in as you tuck your face tiredly into his neck. Otto goes very still and quiet for a moment, before a quiet expletive in Swedish leaves his mouth. His palm remains on your nape, neither of you moving as you bask in his warmth.

Your lips are ticklish as they brush against his skin, murmuring a muffled bashful apology about clinginess and coldness and he can feel your hands slipping away from him. Impulsivity can be very contagious; before your touch has the chance to leave him completely, both of his big hands slip to your back and he's pulling you right back into him. Any response you have dies on your tongue, stunned and a bit timid as he pulls you forward off the counter, chest to chest. Otto has one of his arms curled under your rear, the other hand splayed at the middle of your back as he walks to the living room.

He insists, "You need to sleep."

Otto supposes he really should have just set you down after pulling you off the counter, but that doesn't necessarily mean he needs to detangle from you right now...just when he reaches your door. And when your legs aren't quite so snug around him. Of course.

Flustered, you pull back from his neck and remind him, "Sleep is easier said than done. Drinks and blankets help but it's only temporary, it comes back and I wake up."

He pauses before he can reach the hallway, scowling at your predicament. And then he wonders about you taking initiative to boldly press to him for what he had first considered to be emotional comfort...but now? You're not shivering as much so...

He offers curiously, "Body heat?"

Your mouth open, closes, then opens again, "I..um.."

Reflexive embarrassment fades as you take a moment to really think about it; you had had short professional relationships in your life, tentative friendships when you were younger that you had abandoned in the end, holding everyone at arm's length...when was the last time you had indulged in a simple hug? When you were a child?

You answer quietly, "I don't know."

Otto redirects his path and walks to the sofa instead, listening, "It's possible? I never really had the chance to find out, never mind finding the trust for it. It just didn't seem like a good idea to get that close to someone, anyone. It was too much of a risk, all things considered."

The large man understands, in a way. He knows his brothers would understand this kind of hesitation as well; caution had to be taken in many aspects of their lives working for the Commission as assassins, they still remember the early paranoia itching at the back of their minds when they first started. Luckily they had each other to rely on in their lives, not to mention the later experience to read intent and confidently indulge in a good fuck every now and then to chase away the touch deprivation.

But you...you had adopted solitude from a much earlier age, had molded your life around isolation. Sure, it wasn't exactly the same, but the similarities were there.

As he unwinds your legs from him so he can sit comfortably with you on his lap, his mind slips unbidden to other thoughts. Your earlier mention of a lack of social interaction and now admitting to a lack of touch confirmed that there were certain...activities...you had never experienced. Oscar had a point when he teased eating you out; the thought of your spread thighs shaking in his hands at the unfamiliar feeling of his wet mouth on you is intoxicating, but it may also be a necessary extra preparation before he fucks y-

Otto rips his mind from lurid thoughts, reminding himself to concentrate on his original effort to help you. Hopefully that would prevent his cock from rising to attention under your soft rear. You peer at the large man; he had gone quiet for a moment, drifting away...maybe he was processing or finding the words he wanted to say? 

You eye the flush on his face, concerned for a moment that your actions had finally made him uncomfortable before he flicks his hair out of his face and asks with a mild strain, "Curious so..find out? Answer?"

You consider putting an end to your invasion of his space, time, and sleep, feeling you had imposed enough. Strangely though, you don't quite seem to have the will to pull away from Otto. You find yourself relenting and accepting. It was too tempting, the thought of finally having relief from this stubborn cold spell. You'd brush aside your shyness and impropriety, especially if it meant you could finally sleep through the night undisturbed.

With your consent, Otto pulls you down to the couch on your sides with you still tucked in to him. Reaching for the quilt on the back of the sofa, he tugs it down and gives a couple of good single-handed shakes to unfold it before tossing it messily over the two of you with a grunt. His ears burn when he hears the muffled giggle at his minor predicament reverberate against his chest, responding to you with a huff, "Sleep."

And you do. You sleep for hours right through the night and well into morning as your body insists on you taking the opportunity.

Otto wakes to the sound of his younger brother wandering out of their guest room, but his eyes remain closed, more interested in focusing on the feel of your soft weight on his chest. Oscar wanders in to the living room to offer Butternut and Pumpkin a morning scratch, but notices the quilt missing from the back of the sofa. Figuring the cats might have messed with it, he wanders over to the aforementioned piece of furniture and nearly doesn't believe his eyes when he sees who are resting on the cushions. Is this an emergency? It has to be. He has to show Axel, it is an emergency.

Otto's ears perk as he listens to Oscar retreat to their room and return a moment later with an extra set of footsteps. Both feet stop at the back of the sofa, and the reclining man feels a pair of eyes looking intently down upon the two of you. Otto cracks open an eye, muttering that you most likely won't be up for a while longer. With a sigh, Axel trudges off to the kitchen to prepare food, insisting on a replay of last night's events when he's finished.

Earlier on, your habit of staying up late and waking in the night had made the eldest and his brothers a bit...antsy. As time went on their suspicions quickly died down, reasoning that your habits were simply a mild form of insomnia. They've all had their fair share of sleepless nights, yet over the course of a couple of weeks, you had steadily been staying up longer and longer and appearing more weary by the day. And as you fought to keep up, they could only watch with growing concern as you were slowly submerged. They had began to wonder if the culprit was something else.

As Axel prepares coffee and breakfast, Oscar heads off to check on the kittens and feed them while you are indisposed of. Otto waits patiently for his brothers to return and give him what he knows will be their undivided attention. He dips his chin down to watch you curiously; judging from your slow deep breathing, you are still very much dead to the world. Well, he supposes this means you both found the answer to the question of body heat to be a firm 'yes'. His brothers return shortly, leaning against the back of the sofa and eyeing you with not so subtle relief.

Otto begins his retelling by first asserting that it hadn't been insomnia like they thought, but an old injury made into a persistent condition by your ability. And just like he had found himself incensed as you accidentally revealed bits of your attack, so too did his brothers become possessive and protective; their lips twitching with the urge to bare teeth, postures tense and eyes blazing. Of course Oscar's rage was the most outwardly evident, but he knew how to read Axel. They were all mad dogs really, all of them.

The surprise on their faces when he revealed your kill was satisfying to say the least. Their expressions gradually changed to approval as they processed the information; it was hard to believe that you, tiny little sweetheart that you are, had actually killed someone. Of course anyone in a dire situation could be capable of things they hadn't thought possible, but you ripped a man to shreds. As a kid. Not to mention you did it with your bare hands? Well...maybe not bare per se.

Axel rests his elbows atop the sofa, hands clasped together as his attention returns once again to your ability. Oscar peers down at you in fascination and quiet disbelief. The eldest and youngest brothers' thoughts are eerily similar, the two men compare your unanticipated ferocity with the first time they saw your Phase; when Otto had caught you, the claws on your hands hadn't seemed all that significant...but then again they hadn't really asked all that much about the aspects of your ability, hadn't felt the need as they had taken your changes at face-value.

But what if there was more to it than general appearance? They weren't threatened, no, they were intrigued. After all, you had proven time and time again that you weren't interested in fighting or killing, even as they presented themselves as threats to you more than once...and not once did you attack them.

Needless to say, they have some more questions for you when you wake up. And perhaps a couple of changes as well.

[volexis]

⤷ december 12 ▸ i have fillings for you ft. sugawara

summary: in hindsight, staying up till 2 am might’ve not been one of your best ideas. that is, until you get a call from your very frantic boyfriend asking for your help in baking cookies. what could go wrong?

warnings: there’s like one quasi-suggestive sentence but other than that pure fluff (i hope)

wc: 1.5k

a/n: lowkey ngl i don’t really like how this turned out but she’s here! i was in a suga mood a couple of weeks ago and i wrote this and somehow it turned into me creating this event lmao

note: find the rest of the advent calendar here!

You all but sunk into the mattress as you let out a deep sigh. After an exhausting day, all you wanted was to let sleep overtake you as you bundled yourself in a slew of snug, cozy blankets. Your room was peaceful. The dark emptiness of the night filled you with balmy, heady delight as you shut your burning eyes for the first time in what seemed like days.

A dull buzz rang through the room, sharp enough to pull you out of your half-asleep state. You groaned and rolled over, praying whatever noise dared interrupt you would stop soon. It did, and you smiled in relief, snuggling back into your bed. The noise returned not a second later, this time, accompanied with a bright, blinding light. You reached over to your bedside table, staring at the culprit, your phone, through bleary eyes.

Twenty-four new messages alongside seven missed calls, all from the same person: your dear, loving boyfriend. You clenched your jaw after a glance at the clock, irritation clouding your mind. You answered the incoming call with a growl. “Suga, you better have a good reason for even thinking of calling me at—”

“(Y/N) thank goodness you’ve answered, I need your help!”

Any other day you would’ve hung up on him after thoroughly berating him for calling you at such an ungodly hour, but his words were saturated with desperation and something you hadn’t heard from him in a while: unmitigated panic. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

You could practically feel the warmth from his relieved smile through the phone, and you couldn’t help but glower. “Tell me what happened.”

“So, you remember I have a holiday party at work tomorrow, right?”

You confirmed, and he continued, practically tripping over his words as they sped to leave his mouth all at once. “Ikindasortaforgotthatineededtobakecookiesforthekidsand—”

“I’m stopping you right there. I did not understand a single thing you just said. It’s too early for this,” You felt bad, but you couldn’t help but laugh at your panic-stricken boyfriend. He resembled one of his students before giving a class presentation. “Please, can you slow down and repeat that?”

He took a shaky breath. His next words were slower, sounding them out in a bashful, apologetic tone. “I kind of, sort of, maybe, forgot that I promised the kids I’d bake cookies for their winter party... now all the stores closed and won’t open until after school starts…”

He tapered off as his voice softened into silence, words practically drenched in nervous anticipation. Your irritation bled into a temperate ire as you processed his words. “Let’s see if I understand this. What you called me for, at two in the morning, was to help you bake?”

His silence was answer enough. Your anger faded as his words sunk in, in its place a resigned smile. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. Anyways how’re we even going to get this done? Where are we even going to mee—”

“I’m already outside.” You swore you’d murder him one day.

You swung the door open unceremoniously, not at all surprised to see him towing bags of supplies with what could’ve passed as a sheepish smile if you didn’t know him well enough to see the gentle yet smug grin lying beneath it.

You followed him as he strode through your apartment, wincing as he upended the contents of his bags on your counter with a resounding crash. He dusted his hands and turned to you. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

You smiled, and he mirrored it with one of his own, quickly settling into a practiced rhythm beside you. He was in charge of shaping the cookies and monitoring the oven while you mixed the ingredients. The silence that soon enveloped your kitchen was nothing if not comfortable, a perfect backdrop to the soft clatter of your latest midnight endeavor.

“Babe, I’m almost out; can you pass me that flour over there?” Nothing.

“Babe? Suga? Kou?” You turned to face him and almost dropped your bowl. His hands were still; fingers wrapped tight around the scoop, dough dribbling off its edge while his eyes glued to your figure. He sported a smile sweet as sunshine, brimming with tender adoration.

“Kou?” Your breath caught in your throat, voice barely above a gentle whisper. It was enough to snap him out of whatever reverie absorbed him.

As if embarrassed to have been caught staring so unabashedly, he turned away quickly to face the bowl in front of him, pointedly avoiding your inquisitive glances. You wouldn’t have guessed Suga was feeling so flustered if it hadn’t been for the warm tint spreading over his cheeks and up to kiss the tips of his ears.

“What was that all about?” your tone dripped with the same teasing lilt he’d use to croon sweet nothings in your ear in your most intimate moments. It never failed to send electricity singing through your every nerve, and you hoped it would affect him the same way.

“Can’t I look at my beautiful partner?” His words were more brazen than you expected, having recovered from the ruffled state he was in just seconds before. You swiveled to gawk at him, scowling as he snickered at the mild disbelief in your eyes.

“I wouldn’t exactly call this,” you motioned to your attire: rumpled pajamas far too large for your frame paired with mismatched socks, and, to top it all off, a starchy lime green apron. “The epitome of beauty.”

Suga's smile melted into something tender and compassionate as he let go of his utensils; his lithe fingers reached to cup your cheeks and tilt your head to meet his gaze. You held your breath, incapable of tearing your eyes from his.

“I don’t care what you’re wearing, you could be wearing nothing at all, and it wouldn’t change the fact that you’re absolutely radiant.”

He firmly pressed his lips against yours, chuckling softly at your jolt of surprise. The two of you part, and he leans back to look at you, hands drifting to hold your waist and draw you closer. He kisses you again, and again, and again; fervently as your mind spins into delicious emptiness.

You’re both brought back to reality as a timer beeps obnoxiously loud beside you. Suga laughs against your skin and reaches over to check his phone, eyes widening in horror as realization crashes over him. He peels away from you and rushes to the oven, fretting over the condition of his treats.

You smile from your place on the counter, lowering yourself onto one of the nearby chairs to watch your boyfriend dart around the kitchen. You check your phone, and it dawns on you that you’ve been baking for the past four hours. Exhaustion envelops your every sense, and you yawn widely. Suga notices and looks down, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, love. We’re almost done, though. I think this is the last batch. After that, we can go to bed.”

You nod numbly and rest your chin on your palm, eyes slipping shut as you gently succumb to your long-awaited slumber.

You’re woken by soft, dim sunlight streaming through the cracks in your curtains. Almost out of habit, you reach over and search for your phone to turn off any alarms. Instead, you find a plate of cookies, delicately frosted. A small card rested by their side, the ink partially smeared in Suga’s hurry. You laughed quietly. He must’ve woken up late.

Dearest (Y/N),

You don’t know how much I appreciate your help last night. It was extremely unfair of me to call you so late, but you responded regardless. You turned what could have been an evening of inevitable disaster into a memory I’ll treasure forever. You fell asleep after we put the last batch in so don’t worry, I cleaned everything before heading out! Thank you again, really. I can’t wait to see you when I come home; love.

Yours always,

Kou

A fond smile makes its way across your lips as you scan his neat yet rushed handwriting. You dropped the card on the table with a sigh, almost missing a small post-it note attached to the back. Eyebrows furrowing, you flip the paper over to read the words, gentle and deliberate in its delicate script.

P.S. Ironically, I wrote this before I wrote what’s on the card, which makes this more of a pre-script rather than a postscript? Anyways, I’m rambling, on to the actual message.

I got to thinking after you fell asleep last night. Your words stuck to me. I never once stopped to consider you might not believe me when I remind you of how gorgeous you are. You’re my everything; my heart is full of you, so full my words fail me even now as I write this.

I said it once, and I’ll say it eternally. You are beautiful. Though you may not see it, I’ll make sure to repeat it every day until you learn how beautiful you are.

taglist: @tsumuseum @amoroushero​ @mrslordexplosionmurder​ @ssat0ris​ @osamusriceballs​ @seraphgabrielle​ @1642lux

additional note: event taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added <3

[toraodwaterlaw]

Taken Apart

Law has made his way from Minion to Swallow, where he has a fateful meeting with Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi. Now he has these three to deal with on top of trying to remove the deadly lead that riddles his body.

This is Pt 2 of a two part AU story where Cora survives Minion. Pt 1 can be found here. 6.4k, more of Law dissecting himself, so a warning for that. Otherwise, a happy ending after all that angst.

-

Law awoke much the way he had in the past few weeks— in pain and with a desire to keep his eyes closed and let it end at last. Just as he had all those times before, he dragged his eyes open regardless.

His brain felt fuzzy and his eyesight was fuzzier still. His cheek was pressed to cold earth, which played a sharp contrast to his burning skin. The familiar flicker of a fire painted his surroundings in shades of orange while the even more familiar scent of smoke filled the air. Was he still on the road with Cora? Was everything else just a horrible nightmare? But no, now that he was more awake, he could hear quiet voices. Voices that he didn’t recognize until suddenly he did.

A bear. Blood. Snow. Two gangly, cocky teenagers with bats in hand.

Law tried to scramble to his feet but he couldn’t find the strength. Instead he managed to slump against a rocky cave wall and mustered up his best glare for the pair of boys at the mouth of the cave.

“You’re awake!” the redhead said.

“We, uh, we were a little worried you might be dead,” penguin hat added.

They both took a step toward him. A growl from over Law’s shoulder stopped them dead in their tracks. The bear… Mink… Bepo was huddled at the back of the cave, teeth bared. He managed to look equal parts like he wanted to fight and flee. Despite his apparent fear, he’d edged enough forward that he was looming over Law.

It made something rare shift in Law’s chest. He didn’t understand. Bepo was bloodied and beaten, they barely knew each other, and yet the Mink was trying to protect him.

Law shook his head. He didn’t need protecting. He reached for his knife but it wasn’t there.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” redhead asked, knife held up hilt forward. Law made to grab it only to be outmaneuvered. “Not so fast. I’d rather be sure you aren’t going to stab us with this first.”

“I don’t need that to put you both down,” Law snarled.

“We know.” Penguin hat stepped forward and put his hand on redhead’s shoulder. “That’s why we want you to train us.”

Law blinked and shook his head, certain that he was hallucinating. “You— what? I don’t even… why would I…?”

He rubbed at his temples. He could feel a headache forming. None of this made any sense and he wasn’t in a mood to figure it out. The two loud boys weren’t deterred by his reaction.

“Look, I get it. You don’t even know us and we don’t know you. Well, I’m Shachi and this is Penguin.”

“Your name is…” Law dragged his hands over his face. “You have your name on your hat?”

He didn’t know why that stood out to him as the most absurd point of all of this. Apparently they didn’t think that was absurd either.

“What else would I have written on my hat?” Penguin asked.

Law opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again. It wasn’t worth it. He turned back to Bepo instead. “They didn’t hurt you more, did they?”

Bepo looked to the others before he shook his head. “No. I’m okay.”

Law very much doubted that. The bear looked fine the way Law was ‘fine’ whenever Cora asked how he was doing. “I can help but…” He wondered how far his medical expertise would help him in this particular case. “You’re a Mink, right?”

Bepo small, black eyes widened. “How did you know? Everyone else thinks I’m just a monster.”

Law scowled. He thought of a city turned into a graveyard and of hospitals on fire. “I’ve seen monsters. I know monsters. You’re not a monster.” He grabbed his pack, glad that at least hadn’t been taken from him. There were some basic medical supplies in it but nothing for the wounds Bepo had sustained. “My— someone told me stories about Minks but I don’t know much about their physiology. I can only treat your superficial wounds.”

Bepo squirmed in place. “You don’t have to.”

Law ignored him and turned to the others. It was almost comical how much they perked up under his gaze. “You.”

Shachi pointed at himself. “Me?”

“Both of you,” Law replied. “You look like you know how to take care of yourselves. If you really want me to train you or whatever, you need to get some stuff for me first.”

“Whatever you want,” Penguin agreed quickly.

“Good to hear,” Law said. He held up his fingers and ticked off the list of things he needed. “I need a pot and water. Or snow. Whatever is easiest. Also bandages or a clean sheet. Clothing. Really any fabric you can get your hands on that I can make into bandages.”

“Anything else?” Shachi asked.

Law tapped his chin. He considered natural pain relievers. Many were dangerous in the wrong quantities and he didn’t have anything to measure. He also wasn’t sure he trusted these two meatheads to grab the right stuff. It wasn’t worth the risk.

“Food,” he said after consideration. “Whatever you can get. But no bread.”

Shachi and Penguin grabbed their bats. After a moment’s thought, Shachi grabbed Law’s knife as well. “Mind if I take this? For hunting. We’ll give it back.”

Law would have rather kept it but the possibility of meat was pretty compelling. He felt unusually hungry. He couldn’t think of when he’d last been actively hungry instead of simply willing to eat to placate Cora.

“Go ahead,” he said. “I can fight just fine without it, remember.”

Shachi smiled broadly. He was too easily impressed. Idiot.

“Alright,” the redhead said, “we’ll be back before you know it.”

“Yeah, we’ll only be gone a second,” Penguin said. “So no running off.”

Law glowered and waved them off. As soon as they were gone, he sank back onto the ground. He wanted to operate and try to get at least some of the lead out, but he couldn’t imagine finding the energy to form another Room. With any luck, food would help with that. He wished he’d ever bothered to ask Cora how using his fruit affected him.

“Why are you doing so much to help me?” Bepo asked.

Law rolled his head to look at him. “I dunno. It was just a whim, I guess. Maybe I just wanted to put those idiots in their place. Don’t think too much about it.”

Bepo stared down at his paws. He looked at Law, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Can I do anything to repay you?”

Law groaned. He didn’t want repayment. He didn’t want idiots following him around, begging to be trained. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted Cora back and he wanted sleep. Which…

“On top of my pack, there’s a bedroll. I’d get it myself but…” He gestured broadly. “So if you could spread that out for me, you can consider us repaid.”

“Right!” Bepo near shouted, suddenly energetic.

He undid the clasps that held the bedding in place and very carefully unrolled it by Law. Law got up on shaking legs. He barely needed to take half a step but it felt quite suddenly like a mile. When Bepo offered a helping paw, he was too tired to protest. He took it and lowered himself down with as much dignity as he was able, given the way he was trembling.

“Are you okay?” Bepo asked.

“I’m fine,” Law snapped. When the bear winced, he sighed. “It’s… don’t worry about it. I’m sick but it’s not contagious and I’m working on treating it.”

“Okay.”

Bepo didn’t sound so sure but Law would take mild disbelief over the shrieking he usually received. Come to think of it, Penguin and Shachi hadn’t seemed to notice the white spots either. Maybe he was just more lead than healthy skin at this point. It had been a while since he’d looked in a mirror. Fine by him if they assumed he was just that pale. Saved him some trouble when he had more important things to worry about.

For one, why was it so cold? There was a good fire going but he couldn’t stop shivering. He tugged the blanket around him and edged a bit closer to the flames. He knew from experience with Cora just how close to a fire was too close. He would still be safe at this distance, even if he decided to close his eyes for a moment.

He woke up without any memory of having fallen asleep in the first place. He must have, though, because Penguin and Shachi were back and the smell of cooking fish had filled the cave. The world was blurry again when he opened his eyes and he felt even worse than he had before. No matter what, he needed to start removing lead. If only he could so much as lift his head.

“You’re awake!” Penguin said.

“We saved you some,” Shachi added, holding out a skewered grilled fish for Law to see. “And there’s some other stuff, too. No bread.”

Logically, Law knew he needed the energy. Protein would be good for him if he was going to get anything done but the world was spinning again and he couldn’t get it to stop long enough to sit upright. To make matters worse, when he put the back of a hand to his forehead he found that he was running a temperature. That might explain the headache. Either way, those two idiots were being too loud.

A gentle hand at his back helped him sit up. Bepo. Law might have even thanked him if it didn’t hurt to so much as breathe at the moment. Instead he gave him a nod and took the fish from Shachi without a word. When Penguin offered him a canteen, he took that as well. His stomach threatened to revolt over both, so he squeezed his eyes shut until he was certain he would keep it all down.

“We got bandages,” Shachi said with obvious pride.

Penguin’s smile shone from beneath the shadow of his ridiculous hat. “And a pot of water, like you asked. Well, snow, but we melted it by the fire while you slept.”

They had indeed gotten bandages. Good ones, along with some other medical supplies Law hadn’t asked for, like a bottle of pain relievers. He didn’t know how they’d managed in the middle of the night but he wasn’t about to push the matter. He swallowed a few pills dry before portioning some out for Bepo.

“Take these and I’ll work on patching you up,” he instructed.

Bepo did as told. He sat entirely still despite the fact that his injuries must have stung as they were cleaned. Really, he was a much better patient than Cora was. The bumbling blond spent far too much time protesting that he was fine any time he was clearly not and he tended to fidget. It would have been ideal conditions, if not for the fact that every pair of eyes in the cave was watching him work.

“What are you looking at?” Law growled.

“Sorry,” Bepo murmured.

“We’re learning,” Penguin said.

“We said we wanted you to train us,” Shachi added.

Law paused to consider them. “I thought you wanted me to teach you how to fight?”

“We’ll learn anything you’re willing to teach,” Penguin replied.

Shachi nodded. “We’ve gotta make it on our own, so anything that helps with that, we’re down.”

Law opened his mouth to argue and then thought better of it. If they really wanted to learn first aid skills, good for them. He didn’t really care what they decided to spend their time on. He wasn’t about to waste his own time actually training them. Once Cora came for him, they’d be nothing more than a confusing memory.

He sat back and considered his work. He’d done what he could for Bepo. As it turned out, things had looked worse than they were. Blood was an alarming sight against the white of fur. Once it was cleared away, most of the injuries came down to cuts and bruises that would heal well enough on their own. That was a weight off Law’s already burdened shoulders. He might not care what became of Shachi and Penguin, but he’d have felt bad if he’d done a poor job tending to a patient.

He eyed the three of them and came to a decision. “If you want to really learn something, give me my knife back.”

Shachi took the knife from his belt but hesitated to hand it over. “Shouldn’t we have weapons, too?”

Law snatched the knife away before the redhead could react. “It’s not for fighting. I need to operate.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Penguin said, throwing up his hands. “Are you sure you should use that? It seems like a good knife but not for something like an operation.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Law replied as he pondered where to start. “I don’t even really need the knife, I think, but it helps me focus. I could probably just use my bare hands if I wanted.”

The two older boys looked aghast. It was enough to shut them up for the time being, which was all Law wanted. He decided his earlier instincts had been correct and that he would be best off starting with his feet. He most needed to remove the lead from his lungs and heart but he wasn’t about to start practicing somewhere so potentially lethal. Once he had a better grasp on his abilities, he would move onto the more vital regions of his body.

He started by removing his socks and boots, placing them aside, and then rolling his pant legs up to the knees. It was likely all unnecessary but it made him feel more like he was doing things the right way when he actually did something to prepare for surgery. Expanding the bubble of his Room also made him feel like he could really do this. Of course he needed its powers in order to operate but he also felt a sort of ease inside its confines. Everything around him was under his complete control. He could sense it all, from the small droplets of nervous sweat on the back of his neck to the unseen deposits of lead in his flesh.

With fresh confidence, he made the first slice and cut off his left foot at the ankle. His concentration was immediately shattered by a wave of shouting and flailing. Law sighed.

“Oh relax.”

Penguin and Shachi were both standing just at the edge of the Room’s border, as though afraid to let it touch them. He couldn’t see Bepo but he could hear a high pitched whine from behind him.

Shachi pointed accusingly at the disembodied leg. “Relax? You cut off your foot!”

Penguin emphatically nodded his head. “You’re gonna bleed to death and I don’t know what to do with a dead body. Wait… why aren’t you bleeding? There should be blood, right?”

Law rolled his eyes. He picked up his leg with his free hand and reattached it to the clean cut stump. “See? Fine.” He wiggled his toes once to prove his point before cutting it off once more. “I have a Devil Fruit.”

“Oooooh,” Shachi said. “I get it now. How’d you get it? That makes sense, though. That’s how you were able to kick our asses so easily.”

Law rolled his eyes. “No, that’s because you two are pushovers. Now shut up. I need to concentrate.”

Immediate silence followed and Law quickly forgot they were there at all. Now that he’d had a bit of food and rest, he didn’t feel as dizzy. It would be easier to enjoy what his new powers offered him. He felt so aware of everything that he likely didn’t even need to cut himself up… but where was the fun in that? He further dissected his leg so that he could better see the muscles and veins within. There was the soleus and the gastrocnemius, the posterior tibial vein and perforating veins. He could have examined it all for the rest of the day if not for the rapid depletion of his stamina.

Later. Someday after he was healed, he would experiment with it all to his heart’s content. Funny to think that finally felt like a possibility while he was sitting in a damp cave with his limbs chopped to bits before him.

First things first, he needed to cure the Amber Lead before it made the future an impossibility. It would be easier said than done. While he could sense it, the lead particles were too small for him to clearly see. He put the rest of his leg together so that he could focus just on his foot. His ability to manipulate things at will did little for him if he didn’t have the fine control to remove what he wanted from his body. He wished once more that he had time to obtain a specimen to practice on instead. Maybe the remaining fish? Or they might be able to catch something. The problem was, he was already so close to the edge. As had been the case for his entire life, time was his enemy. He needed to use what energy he had to start curing this thing.

He sucked in a breath to brace himself and closed his eyes. Despite all the trouble he’d gone through to see what he was doing, he could only focus well enough if he shut out everything else. He envisioned every bit of lead in the foot, ignoring the rest that lay in deadly wait in the rest of his body. Then, as he’d made the stick dance about earlier and as he’d tossed Penguin and Shachi aside, he moved it. Just one easy flick of his fingers and the lead in that foot was now on the ground.

It might have been easy to do, but it wasn’t so easy to endure. A sudden chill washed over him. He felt winded, as though he’d taken a sharp blow to the gut. He opened his eyes again and reassembled and reattached the foot before he lost his ability to keep up the Room. The sphere of blue stuttered, shrank, and then vanished. Law fell back onto the heels of his hands. He let his gaze slip to the side. Where he thought he’d put the lead, there was a small puddle of blood. That was probably bad. He’d need to work on his control.

“That was intense,” Shachi gasped.

“Are you okay?” Bepo asked as he extended a reassuring paw.

Was he? That had taken far more out of him than he’d expected. He was lightheaded and his arms shook as they held him up. “I’m fine.”

He couldn’t recall dropping his knife but he must have. He picked it up again. He raised it over his other leg and summoned the Room again. Before he could cut down, a gloved hand found his wrist and stopped him. He mustered his best glare— the one that would always send Baby 5 running— but Penguin didn’t shrink back.

“Look, I know we don’t really know each other or anything, but I’d really rather not watch you kill yourself, kid. Maybe you don’t need to be in such a hurry to make your blood exit your body?”

Penguin’s hand was trembling. Despite the front he was putting up, he’d seen what Law could do and he was scared. Good. Law jerked his arm free.

“You see all the white splotches on my skin?” he demanded. “You know what that is?”

Penguin only shrugged. When Law turned his glower on Shachi, the redhead shook his head as well. For a moment, Law was too taken aback to say more. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d met someone who didn’t know, let alone didn’t shrink back in terror when they saw.

He looked back at Bepo. The Mink simply stared back blankly.

“Really? None of you?” Law could hardly believe it but there wasn’t so much as a flicker of recognition in any of the faces pointed at him. “It’s…”  He almost didn’t want to tell them. He never thought he’d enjoy the freedom of being surrounded by people who didn’t know. “A poison. Lead. I was born with it in my blood and it meant I was never going to live to adulthood. I still might not if I can’t remove it. Soon.”

Penguin and Shachi looked at each other.

“Soon…” Penguin said.

“But not immediately,” Shachi finished.

Law sighed. The crackling dome of blue that surrounded them was banished. He had to admit it was a relief to stop. He was nearly spent. He was certain he could push on but less sure he would be able to work effectively with these three set against him.

He crossed his arms, unwilling to cede ground just yet. “Well, what do you suggest then?”

“You should sleep,” Bepo said. “If, uh, you need to.”

Shachi nodded emphatically. “And I can keep guard.”

“And if you’re in such a hurry, I’ll make sure you don’t sleep too long,” Penguin offered.

They sounded so earnest. Law didn’t get it. They’d only just met him. He could handle himself. And if he couldn’t, people died all the time. Maybe that wasn’t the way things should be but that’s the way they were. Flevance had gone before him. It would be so easy to follow. But… Cora wanted him to survive. He was so sure Law could live and be free and be something more than what fate had handed him.

“Fine,” Law grumbled. “If you’re all so set on it, I’ll rest for a bit. But only for a bit. There’s someone important to me who went through a lot of trouble to get me this chance and I’m not going to let him down.”

The three other boys bobbed their heads happily. So damned earnest. Law only just resisted rolling his eyes. He might not have resisted at all but as soon as he’d agreed to their terms, Bepo’s eyes had really lit up. No matter what they might think of him by now, Law wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t going to crush the young bear’s hopes.

“Actually, speaking of that someone,” Law added, “keep an eye out for a giant blond idiot lumbering around out there in the snow. He’ll be impossible to miss. He has a stupid black coat and can’t take two steps without falling on his ass.”

That raised a few eyebrows but they agreed. With that settled, Law kicked some dirt over the blood he’d spilt. It wouldn’t do for Cora to come back to him and see that. He also moved his bedroll to the other side of the fire. From then on, he’d be sure to try to cure himself in one place and sleep in another. An irrational part of him worried that the lead would leech right back into him if he got too close to it.

It didn’t seem like the others needed warning twice to do the same. With all that settled, he laid down and closed his eyes. Despite his exhaustion, he hadn’t expected to sleep. He must have gone deep under, though, because the next thing he was aware of was being shook roughly.

“Hey! You’re not dead, are you?”

Law groaned and rolled over. “You keep saying that.”

“It keeps being true,” Penguin countered.

Law stretched out his limbs. When he sat up, he took a look at the foot he’d operated on. The skin was still extremely pale, with only small patches of tanned skin. It wasn’t white, though. Maybe that was hope. Maybe he really had gotten it all out and could someday start fresh. Maybe. But Law wasn’t one to hang his hat on possibilities. He was going to do what he could right now to remove every speck of lead, if he had to carve it all out.

He was feeling a bit stiff so he walked a short circuit around the cave to keep his muscles from getting too tight. That started a routine. He would move around, maybe take a step out to breathe the crisp, cold air, and then sit to operate. Each time he tried, he was able to get slightly better control. It meant he lost less blood in the process but it sapped away more stamina. Between that and the ravages of the Amber Lead, he barely had the energy to protest when the others would insist he stop to take another break.

He was able to get through three rounds of this— rest, stretch, operate, and repeat— before he passed out cold. He’d expected to awaken the way he had whenever he��d dozed off, with a shake from one of the others, but it was the bright light of day that woke him instead. He groggily rubbed the sleep from his eyes. When he looked around the cave blearily, he saw that the fire was down to flickering coals. Despite that, he was surprisingly warm and he realized it was because Bepo had snuggled close sometime in the night. Penguin and Shachi were also snoring next to each other near the mouth of the cave.

Law wiggled his toes and flexed his legs. He might not have gotten as far as he’d meant to, but he’d managed to remove the lead from both of his feet and calves. They felt a bit odd. Without closer examination, he could only speculate. Likely the feeling was a mix of his powers, which seemed to bestow a bit of numbing, and of whatever damage he’d done in his rough job excising the poison from his veins.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Penguin said. Law couldn’t tell if the other boy had already been awake himself, since the bill of his hat hid his eyes. “Sorry. Would have gotten you up but you seemed pretty out of it. I was a little worried one of these times you really would be dead.”

Law clicked his tongue. “It’ll take a lot more than any of this to kill me.”

Penguin let out a soft laugh. “I’m really starting to believe that.”

Their conversation awoke Bepo, who snuffled lightly in his sleep and then yawned wide enough to show off every one of his sharp teeth. His ears twitched and his nose wiggled as full wakefulness returned to him. His ears flattened back when he saw Law looking at him.

“Sorry. You looked cold.”

“No, it’s…” Law frowned. He had no doubt he’d slept so long because Bepo was there. He’d felt as safe and warm as he did bundled in Cora’s coat. That was a hard feeling for him to capture. “Thanks. You did warm me up.”

Bepo blinked as though he was as surprised by Law’s open gratitude as Law himself was. After a moment’s puzzlement, he smiled brightly.

Shachi was the last to wake up. He stretched broadly enough to knock Penguin in the side of the head. “You were supposed to get more wood for the fire.”

Penguin bumped him back with his shoulder. “You could have done it.”

“I was keeping guard.”

“Yeah, great job with that.”

Their bickering and the small scuffle that followed almost made Law miss Buffalo and Baby 5. They hadn’t been friends, exactly, but the closest Law could claim in the last few years. Then there was Cora, who wasn’t a friend but something else. Something good. Something he could maybe put a name to, like family, if he was given the time. If Cora came back.

Law had been so focused on figuring out his new abilities and curing the Amber Lead that he’d forgotten his fear for a time. It all came back at once and hit him hard. His chest tightened. His heart squeezed. He couldn’t just wait any longer.

“I’m going out,” he announced.

“Wait.” Shachi had his eyes glued outside while he fumbled at his side for his bat. “There’s someone out there. On the ridge. Someone is coming.”

Penguin looked out as well and then yelped. “Holy shit.”

He scrambled to grab his own bat. They stood, bats raised, in the mouth of the cave. It was hardly an imposing sight but the fact that they were shaking really undercut any strong face they might have put up. A hundred possibilities flew through Law’s mind, none of them good. If it was any member of the Family, they were dead. 

“What do you see?” he asked.

Maybe they were dead but if he could get a good idea of what they were up against, he could at least put up a fight.

“It’s Doflamingo,” Shachi hissed.

Law’s stomach plummeted. Even if he wasn’t at death’s door, he wasn’t ready to fight Doflamingo. And what did that mean for Cora? Had he escaped so Doflamingo was forced to hunt for him? Or was he…?

Law couldn’t even think it. He shoved himself up onto his feet, collapsed, and got back up. Screwed or not, if Doflamingo had done anything to Cora, Law was at least going to get one good hit in. If there was an afterlife and they were lucky enough to meet up there, Law would have to apologize to Cora for dying so quickly when he’d promised he would survive.

His legs were still slightly numb from the surgery he’d performed last night. He did his best to ignore it as he stomped out of the cave, knife in hand. Shachi and Penguin scrambled after. They looked like they sort of wanted to puke but they were ready to fight. Maybe Law had underestimated them.

Up on top of the ridge ahead a massive, feathered figure was silhouetted against the morning sun. Fear and anger warred inside of Law. He was smart enough to know he was no match but he would fight until his last breath to avenge Cora. He used both emotions as fuel to summon up a Room. Then his eyes adjusted to the light so that he was finally able to see the figure clearly.

“Law!”

It was Cora-san. Law couldn’t even bring himself to respond. All the fight went out of him and with it, his energy. The Room vanished as he collapsed to his knees. Cora ran, then slid, then tumbled down the snow covered hill. Law let out a breathless puff of laughter despite the hot tears that welled up in his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. He’d hoped but hope had felt like an impossible, foolish thing for so long. To have it really happen, he could barely believe it.

Shachi and Penguin, bats held aloft, formed a barricade that stopped Cora from reaching him.

“Don’t move another step,” Shachi warned.

Penguin tightened his grip and nodded. “You might kick our asses but not before we take out your knees.”

Cora seemed to have only just noticed the other two boys. He looked at them, looked at the blood that still stained their bats, and then looked back down at Law. “I saw the blood in the snow back there. Did you hurt him?”

Cora’s voice was a low and threatening rumble. Law knew from experience that he at least wasn’t above throwing children. He probably wouldn’t hurt them but Law knew that he should probably interfere. He had to admit, though, that he was kind of interested in being on the other side of that for once.

“We didn’t do anything to him,” Shachi said quickly.

“I mean, we tried to,” Penguin added. “But he kinda kicked our asses.”

“Tch, you don’t have to tell him that.”

“What? I don’t wanna die for something we didn’t do.”

They’d completely taken their eyes off of Cora now and were busy bickering with each other. Law was almost embarrassed for them. Cora, for his part, just looked confused. Law decided it was finally time to intervene. He quickly dashed away the tears still pooled in his eyes and got to his feet once more.

“Look at his clothes, you idiots. That’s not Doflamingo.”

His feathered coat was not the vivid pink that Doflamingo notoriously wore but charcoal black. If that wasn’t evidence enough, sometime in the night Cora had traded in his bloodied outfit from the day before for a marine uniform. He’d also wiped his face completely clean, which admittedly did make him look more like Doflamingo rather than less, but that was the most shocking detail for Law. Even on the road, Cora had kept it up, perhaps with some vague intention of staying undercover.

“What kind of Marine wears a coat like that?” Penguin asked.

Shachi’s head perked. “Oh wait… blond. Tall. Black coat. This is the guy you said you were waiting for. He even fell on his ass like you said he would.”

Cora ignored the part where Law had apparently been insulting him and lit up at the rest. “You were talking about me?”

Law groaned. “Of course I was, you idiot. I was worried about you. Last time I saw you, you were full of bullets and off to fight Doflamingo.”

Cora blew past Shachi and Penguin, who at this point were too shocked to do anything about him anyway, and swept Law up into his arms. He hugged Law hard enough that it actually hurt, but Law didn’t care one bit.

Big, stupid tears were already streaming out of Cora’s eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Law sputtered out a wet laugh. He was crying again despite himself. That idiot. That monumental idiot. He was actually back. “Me? You’re the one who went to fight the Family alongside a bunch of stupid marines when you were already half dead.”

“Well, as it turned out, after they had their fill of the Barrells pirates and that cage came down, they ended up getting chased off by Tsuru. I think she’s still hounding Doffy as we speak. So I think I spent more time convincing them I was a marine than fighting. And I got patched up by some field medics. That’s part of what held me up in coming after you.”

Law frowned. He knew who Tsuru was but only because she’d so often chased the Family off one island or another. It was still weird to think Cora was working alongside someone like that. Weirder still to think he was probably the reason old Tsuru had always been on their tails. It was one thing to realize Donquixote Rosinante was a marine and quite another to have all the implications of that laid out for him. He would ponder all that later. There was only one part that concerned him at the moment.

“Marine medics? That’s who looked you over?”

“What? What’s wrong with that? I’m a marine, you know.”

“Let me look you over. I could do a better job.”

“I have no doubt you could but you were barely keeping conscious last time I saw you. I don’t want you pushing yourself, kid.”

“Yeah, well, I spent most of the night working on removing lead, so I’m fine.”

Cora held Law out at arms length, leaving Law dangling nine feet in the air while he faced down a radiant smile. “You did it? You figured out how to cure yourself? I knew you could!”

“I only started. I might have gotten it all out if it weren’t for these guys.”

Law jerked a thumb at Shachi and Penguin who shrank under the returned weight of Cora’s attention. 

“He was going to bleed to death,” Penguin argued.

“We were trying to help,” Shachi insisted.

Cora pulled Law back, snug against his chest. He raised an eyebrow that disappeared underneath his shaggy bangs. “Is that true?”

Law scowled. “They’re oversimplifying.”

“It seems pretty simple to me,” Cora countered. “Was the blood inside or outside of your body? You don’t need to be a medical prodigy to know that.”

“Some blood. I had some very minor blood loss when I started to remove the lead. I’m getting better at it each time, though.” He doubted the second part would matter much to Cora but he refused to let it seem like he was some incompetent hack. Cora only hugged him more tightly. It was enough to make his ribs ache but it felt good after thinking he’d never get to see Cora again. Not that he would say that out loud. “If I’m in danger of anything it’s that you’ll crush me to death.”

Cora ruffled the top of his head so that his hat was left askew. “Good to see you’re doing better, brat. Have you eaten anything?”

He posed the question not just at Law but at Penguin and Shachi below. This question more than anything else that had happened left them looking baffled. They looked over their shoulders as if expecting to see someone else there. When they saw no one, not even Bepo, they turned two blank faces up at Cora.

Shachi gestured between them. “Us? Have we eaten?”

“I don’t see anyone else,” Cora said with a soft chuckle.

“There’s also a polar bear Mink. Bepo,” Law supplied.

“Ah, well, he can come along too, if he wants. But yes, you two. I figured if you all spent the night in a cave, you might want something warm to eat. Then,” he said, turning his attention back on Law, “we can discuss just how much blood loss did or did not happen.”

Law resisted the very strong urge to flip him off and settled instead for sticking out his tongue. “Fine, as long as we don’t leave Bepo. He’s still my patient.”

“I’ll go get him,” Penguin offered.

“And I’ll get your stuff,” Shachi said, already on his way back to the cave.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Law squirmed in Cora’s grip so that he could really turn the full power of his scowl on the clumsy marine. “Don’t leave me like that again. We’re supposed to be doing this together.”

Law almost missed the stupid clown makeup. Cora’s big, dopey smiles almost seemed too bright without that dark edge around them. “I’m sure you’d manage without me. You’re a remarkable kid, you know.”

“I don’t care.” He couldn’t imagine what that would have been like, doing this all on his own. He knew he’d survived worse but he didn’t want to go through more. He wanted Cora with him, alive and safe and smiling. “Together.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t argue with you there.” Cora rested his chin on top of Law’s head. “Together.”

[forever-lynx]

as long as he had eiji

pairing: asheiji

word count: 1754

angst with mild hurt/comfort

A/N: shoutout to the big motivator @emi-joanna 😌this one’s for you bestie

this was also meant for mother’s day yesterday but i had an essay to finish so i couldn’t complete it on time... well, it’s here now! i hope you enjoy

–––––––

The smell of pancakes flew through the air. Eiji wanted to make something simple this morning. He was exhausted from work; he was called in for extra hours in the past week to cover for his sick co-worker. Eiji was smiling to himself as he made the pancakes. Today was Mother’s Day and it reminded him of how much he missed his mom. He’d have to call his mom after breakfast.

Eiji inhaled the smell of his pancakes. He was an excellent cook, he knew; he had to cook for his younger sister back when he lived in Izumo because his mom would often be at the hospital beside his dad. Eiji grew melancholic at the thought of his dad. He missed his family more than anything, though he did not regret living in New York. He never would. It gave him the opportunity to meet his soulmate, the man he valued above all else. Speaking of which, he turned his head toward the couch his lover was asleep on. Ash was awake until late hours of the night in order to complete his business report. Ash was working incredibly hard in his new job. He truly valued it, and Eiji was forever proud of him for his hard work.

The two had not yet moved from New York. Ash had unfinished business to take care of with his gang which caused them to postpone their travels. It was unfortunate – Ash was really looking forward to seeing the place Eiji was born in, and above all he was looking forward to finally escaping the suffocating atmosphere of New York – but they had their aspirations, and it would not escape their grasp so easily. 

Eiji piled up the last bit of the pancakes on top of each other and placed them in the middle of the table. He walked over to Ash to wake him up. Ash’s nightmares still continued, unfortunately; though it was to be expected, two months was not enough time to heal from an incredibly traumatic event. And in Ash’s case, he was still dealing with the devils of his past. It pained Eiji; he wanted to be the barrier that protected Ash from all the hurt in the universe. Though as unrealistic as that may be, he was happy to be beside Ash, from now to forever. 

Eiji knelt beside Ash and kissed his cheek. 

“Aslan,” he murmured. “Breakfast is ready.” 

Ash grumbled, turning positions.

Eiji giggled, “Wake up you sleepyhead.”

“Fuck no.” Ash groaned.

“Aslan. You have five seconds to wake up or else I am flipping this couch.”

“I’d like to see your twink ass try.” 

“You are impossible,” Eiji said, grabbing a pillow from the other couch and hitting Ash with it.

“What the fuck– Eiji!”

“I spent ten minutes making pancakes, you are not going to let them grow cold and have all my hard work go to waste. Stupid American.” Eiji hit him with a pillow again.

Ash grabbed his pillow and threw it at Eiji. Luckily, the Japanese boy was able to ditch it. Eiji laughed and stuck his tongue out.

“Too slow.”

“Slow?! Oh, you’ll pay for this,” Ash threatened, lunging at Eiji and tickling him. Eiji erupted in a fit of laughter. The pillow fell from his hand as Ash continued to attack him with tickles. 

“Fine! Ah- you win!” Ash smiled in triumph. He got up and made his way to the table.

“Pancakes. Wonderful. Yours are to die for.”

“I am not taking compliments from a man who almost killed me with tickles.” Eiji said, sitting down. “Death by tickles, huh? Never tried that method before. Sounds lame.”

Eiji rolled his eyes. The lovers dived in, gulfing down their breakfast. They talked about their work and their plans for Izumo. Eiji was beyond ecstatic to have Ash see his home city. He wanted to introduce him to his neighbours and his friends. He couldn’t wait to take Ash to his old school grounds and the park where he learned how to ride a bike. He wanted Ash to see every little detail of Izumo and he hoped more than anything that his boyfriend would finally find peace. 

Once breakfast was over and Eiji had cleaned the table, he announced that he’d be calling his mom.

“It is Mother’s Day. It will only take a minute.” Eiji said. Though that wasn’t entirely the truth. His mother tended to stretch one minute long phone calls to an hour. “Take as much time as you need,” Ash assured him. Eiji smiled and went in their room for the phone call. He did not want to bother Ash when he had mountains of work to do.

Ash settled on his desk chair and stared at his laptop screen. Mother’s Day, he thought, how odd to dedicate an entire day for a parent. Who even came up with this shit?

Ash sighed and shook his head. It wasn’t worth questioning something as minor as this. He tried to focus on his work; he stared at the numbers before him. Unfortunately for him, he was unable to make out what they meant. He knew the formulas – he knew this job like the back of his hand – but his brain refused to cooperate. Weird, he thought.

Ash got up from his chair and made himself coffee. Perhaps he was too tired from the night before to even focus on his work. Of course, that was it. He simply needed to wake up and consume as much coffee and Monster Energy drinks as he could.

Ash sat on the couch with the coffee cup in his hand. He was staring at the blank TV screen, looking at his reflection. The more he stared, the more it felt like the person staring back at him was a stranger. Sometimes he would do this, staring at his reflection until he could not recognize the face. People would find this an abnormal activity, but not to Ash. He was used to questioning the person he saw in his reflection.

Eiji’s laughter erupted from the other room. Ash grinned slightly. Eiji loved his mom, Ash knew. They loved each other. Like a normal family. Like what he always wanted.

The thought hit Ash. He violently shook his head – why was he thinking about this? Yes, it was Mother’s Day, but it meant nothing to him. He never knew his mom, anyway. Why would he want to celebrate a day dedicated to someone who had abandoned him? He thought it was some sick humor. Mother’s Day was just for people to rub their healthy relationship with their mom on those who didn’t.

Eiji had once told him that his mom cared for him, which was why he was named Aslan Jade Callanreese. The thought of his mom caring for him made him laugh. If she truly cared, why had she left Ash with that bastard of a dad? 

Ash’s vision suddenly got blurry. He scoffed and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He didn’t understand why he was wasting his energy dwelling on this. His mom had left him. Full stop. He had gotten over it.

Right?

Ash inhaled shakily. He hated to admit it but he always yearned for a mom who cared. He wanted to know what it was like to come home from school to the smell of freshly baked cookies and the happy humming of a mom. On nights when he could not sleep, he found himself yearning for the touch of his mom, a woman he never got the privilege of knowing. More than anything, he wanted proof that his mom had loved him. The feeling of despair that came with this thought was overwhelming. Ash was suffocating in the loss of someone he had never known. 

Ash’s head dropped in his hands. He allowed his tears to flood on the carpet below. His body was shaking with gloom, his world turning black. All these years he hoped it would get easier and it never did. It never would.

Ash heard Eiji’s footsteps getting closer. He immediately stood up and wiped his tears away. He didn’t want to ruin Eiji’s day just because he got sad over his mom. Eiji deserved to enjoy this day – he deserve to enjoy every day.

“My sister wanted to talk to me in the end… I had to tell my mom I had somewhere urgent to go to just so I could avoid talking to her,” Eiji said.

Ash let out a light chuckle; he was doing his best to act normal.

“Ah, I see you made some coffee for yourself. Good to know you did not burn the kitchen.”

Ash chuckled again, looking away from Eiji. As much as he tried to hide his hurt, Eiji always noticed. He always knew when something was off.

Eiji walked towards Ash and sat next to him.

“You do not have to tell me what is wrong, but is there anything I can do to help? We can go get hot dogs if that is what you want.” Eiji softly said.

Ash smiled, “No it’s- it’s okay. It’s just…” Ash hesitated. “It’s Mother’s Day…” Ash could not get the words out of his mouth. The tears seemed to be spilling back immediately. Stupid emotions, he thought.

Luckily, Eiji immediately understood what Ash meant. He always did. “Oh,” Eiji said softly. “I am sorry, Aslan. I should have checked in on you today before I did anything else.”

“No, it’s really okay,” Ash assured him. “It’s not a joyful day for me but you do not have to go through any trouble. Just wishing I had a mom to celebrate this day with, I guess.”

Eiji rubbed Ash’s back. “I am here for you, Aslan. We can take it easy today, if that is what you want.” There were no amount of words that would heal Ash’s hurt but he wasn’t going to leave his lover alone – he never would.

Ash stayed silent for a moment until he opened his mouth to say, “Can��� can you hold me?” 

Eiji nodded, “Of course.” He hugged Ash; Ash buried his face in the crook of Eiji’s neck, letting the tears roll. 

The lovers stayed in silence. All Ash needed was Eiji to let him know it would be okay.  

This is okay, Ash thought. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay… he kept repeating to himself, because as long as he had Eiji with him, everything was okay.

[lady-charinette]

Tamaki Amajiki x F!GirlfriendReader - Tamaki working out and getting a late night visitor.

Rated: NSFW

Warning: Mild dirty talk, public sex, cock riding, sex after workout. (I'm an embarrassing beginner at writing smut so...the cringe!)

Not in the Gym

Tamaki Amajiki was one of the Big Three at U.A.

Studious, punctual and with a mastery over his quirk that was on par with a pro's.

Tamaki Amajiki was one of the Big Three and yet he was also the possibly shiest individual at U.A. trying to back out of interviews and press conferences that made him stand out too much as much as his work - or Fatgum - allowed.

That was more of his mentor's thing, Fatgum had always handled the publicity and interviews and questions, even Kirishima from time to time, but Tamaki simply couldn't.

Nevertheless, the possibly shiest individual at U.A. also had a girlfriend.

That had come as a shock to his peers and the younger students. To Mirio and Nejire, it had only been a matter of time. They'd had known for a while the shift in atmosphere between the two of them, whenever his adorable girlfriend would walk next to him and offer silent support during one of Tamaki's staring contests with the wall around crowds.

During or after lengthy, taxing battles. She was there, ready to lend support, to help and protect him.

Lately, villains had started biding their time, their appearances rarer and rarer except for the small fry that tried to survive still scuffling through the streets. Still, schoolwork increased and Tamaki didn't have as much time to commit to training.

Despite his shy demeanor and general usage of his quirk, there was an astounding amount of people that thought him to be weak.

No, not in quirk.

In physical strength.

While his quirk didn't rely as much on strength like Mirio's for prolonged fights or agility like Nejire's, Tamaki still had to train.

It was a thing he'd picked up from Eraser, someone who possesses a quirk with too many cons, should have a trick up his sleeve.

Tamaki's was weekly visits to the gym.

At night.

He was thankful he could use the U.A. gym when either all the students were in their dorms or already asleep, principal Nezu had been understanding enough to offer him a special permit and Tamaki had sent a gift basket in gratitude, too shy to actually confront the small rodent principal himself despite his size.

The weights seemed heavier than they used to the last time he was here, which had been...a while.

It didn't help that his hero agency largely consisted of individuals who loved to consume as much food as possible, it also didn't help he needed to eat large quantities of food himself to utilize his quirk effectively.

It also didn't help his girlfriend being a food lover too, cooking any time she had the chance or buying sweets at a candy shop. Tamaki loved her sweet tooth, while it wasn't quite practical for his quirk, he enjoyed to indulge from time to time.

The question his girlfriend mostly asked was 'Can your arms turn into lollipops? Or your hair?'

Nejire, his far too curious and open-minded friend, had directed the innocent questions into dangerous territory.

'Huh? His arms? Don't you wanna know if he can turn other body parts into a lollipop-' thankfully, Mirio had mercifully dragged the babbling girl away, just to save a very red faced Tamaki the humiliation.

Unfortunately, his girlfriend was perceptive and had figured out very quickly what Nejire had tried to insinuate.

The reaction had been as mortified as his own, if only because they were in public. He wasn't quite sure what her reaction would've been in the privacy of their own home.

Tamaki tried to ignore the burning tips of his ears to the burning in his arms, trying to lift the heavy metal weights above his head.

He could just use his tentacles, but it wouldn't be very effective, especially the small plate of takoyaki he'd ate for dinner. Not that that was the whole reason he was in here in the first place, he needed to build up strength in his own body, not his quirk.

Tamaki panted, gritting his teeth at the strain before he dropped the weights carefully to the mat and moving over to the next equipment, the running track.

Twenty minutes in and his legs were already burning, screaming to stop, but he stubbornly pushed forward, eyes fixated on a point in the wall.

He hadn't even heard the double doors opening or closing.

He hadn't heard the footsteps that slowly padded towards him.

But he did hear the soft voice calling out to him. "Tamaki~"

The clumsy jump and the higher pitched yelp he released echoed within the vacant room as he fell on his butt, hissing at the burning in his muscles "Ow!"

Tiredly, Tamaki glanced up at none other than his girlfriend, an apologetic expression on her face as she quickly kneeled next to him on the floor. "Oh my goodness, Tama, I-I'm so sorry!" her hands squeezed his arms and grabbed his face, thumbs rubbing his cheeks gently.

His cheeks burned, they were already red with extortion from training, but now a different kind of heat filled his cheeks at his girlfriend's soft touch and nice smell he recognized was from her shampoo. She must've showered earlier.

"Y-You scared me, Y/N." he breathed deeply, chest heaving before he shook his head and gently squeezed her hands on his face. "I-I'm fine." she nodded, still with a apologetic look.

"I should've called earlier, I'm sorry. I got worried when you didn't come home yet. Eraser said you'd be here."

Of course, Eraserhead was still awake, that man loved sleep but he was on watch duty for the first years as much as he heard. Some outdoor scuffle or other between two students of class 1-A.

A brief glance at the clock told him it was late, eleven p.m.

He got off the floor with the help of the woman already dressed in her cute PJ's. "I-I'm sorry, I should've told you I'd be late."

It had been almost two years since them sharing living quarters together, it had been nerve wracking for the both of them, especially when they started sharing a single bed too.

That had only been a year ago, but it had surprised Tamaki how astonishingly easy it was to be beside her on the soft bed, talking to each-other until they were too tired to continue or cuddling each-other into sleep.

She shook her head, flashing a brilliant smile at him. "It's alright." she glanced at the sweater he'd shed while working out, becoming far too hot in it. "You did mention you'd work out with Mirio though." She turned her head this way and that but failed to spy their other friend.

Tamaki rubbed the back of his neck, sitting down on a bench and gulping down a generous amount of water. "He...he couldn't come, he had a mission with his agency, something about patrol duty."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself and shifting her weight from foot to foot.

Tamaki watched her from the corner of his eye, recognizing her fidgeting.

Nervousness.

"Is...is something wrong?" worry rooted itself deep in his heart and the hero in training waited with baited breath for his girlfriend's answer.

She bit her lip, like she always did when she was worried but didn't want to say it. "Y/N?"

At her boyfriend's prompting, she finally relented. "Um...I was...I uh-" she rarely ever got tongue tied around him, only when people made crude jokes when they were both present, but her behavior now seemed odd.

Tamaki stood up on wobbly legs, placing his hands on her shoulders and rubbing them gently, reassuringly. "You can tell me, you know. Just like you said I can tell you anything."

At that, she seemed to relax, shoulders sagging in defeat, before her gaze met his. "I'm sorry I know you have to train and that ever since work with Fatgum increased and you guys have been on edge because of suspicious villain activity that you just couldn't....really come home as often or have free time and I completely understand if you-" she continued on, lost in her speedy mess of words as she often did whenever she was nervous.

Tamaki adored that aspect of her, they were both shy people, him more so than her, but she was nervous in different ways that channeled his confidence to come out to reassure her.

He cut her off with a tight hug, chin resting on top of her head and arms holding gently onto her waist and upper back. "T-Tama?"

The woman in his arms relaxed into his hold, but he sensed the confusion rolling off her in waves. Tamaki sighed deeply, nuzzling his head against hers. "So that's what you were worried about..." he mumbled into her hair, closing his eyes to inhale the mild shampoo. "I'm sorry for...for making you feel this way, Y/N. I-I should've paid more attention to you and-"

She suddenly broke free of his hug, hands splayed over his chest, a weak glare on her face. "No! No, no, no! I'm fine Tamaki, I just- ugh I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to make you feel guilty, I was just..." she sighed helplessly.

Tamaki shook his head, leaning forward to gently kiss her forehead. "Nonsense. I think I know what you wanted to say...trust me, I've been feeling the same. " he awkwardly gazed off to the side. "Um...I was...I wanted to spend more time with you, but I-I also didn't want to let Fatgum and Kirishima down and classes started p-piling up and..." he finally lifted his intense gaze back down to her and smiled wirly. "I'm sorry Y/N."

His girlfriend sighed but smiled warmly, shaking her head. "I'm sorry too Tama." she leaned forward and nuzzled her nose against his, making him smile at the cute gesture.

The couple stared at each-other for a while longer, until Tamaki's eyes strayed to her lips. 

He swallowed, a brilliant blush moving from the tips of his ears down to his neck. His girlfriend immediately noticed the shifting air between them and giggled, a blush of her own on her cheeks. "Y-You...you know if you want to kiss me just do it..." when his head whipped to her at the speed of light, he felt her lips meet his in a light sweet kiss.

A sigh of contentment left both their lips and he felt her arms loop around his neck, playing with his sweat soaked hair. Tamaki's own grip tightened around her back, drawing her closer to him.

He broke the kiss when he felt her hands slowly glide down his shirt. "W-Wait." she froze, eyes wide in fear of doing something wrong. His larger hands squeezed hers gently to calm her down. "I-I didn't shower."

Her boyfriend's embarrassed mumbles prompted a laugh out of her throat, before her gaze turned half-lidded and she looked him from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes. Tamaki only blushed harder at her open ogling, trying to hide himself with his hair, until a gentle hand brushed it back. "I don't mind at all, Tama, besides you... kind of look even hotter after training."

His entire face could've exploded like one of Bakugou's explosions right then and there, but his girlfriend silenced his nervous sputters with a deeper kiss.

Despite his heart racing a mile a minute, Tamaki's hands easily found his girlfriend's hips and pulled her tightly to himself, a groan rumbling in the back of his throat when she bucked her hips against his suggestively.

Wait...

Tamaki panted against her lips, dark eyes drinking in her form hungrily. "Th-The door..."

The mischievous twinkle in her eye made him feel mildly nervous. "Locked." she captured his lips in a searing kiss again, mumbling between kisses. "Thought....you wanted....some privacy."

The hero was too worked up to properly think if his girlfriend had somehow planned this, or simply cared for his desire for privacy.

He staggered back, his legs still burning from training and his girlfriend broke their heated lip lock to smirk up at him with a fierce blush. "Trained too hard?" far too flustered for words, Tamaki only nodded. "...Hmm..." she looked around curiously, a small giggle leaving her lips. "What about..." her eyes lightened up with joy when spying the weight machine with the seat, immediately backing her staggering boyfriend onto the bench with the weights attached to cables behind him.

His eyes flew open once he was seated, a question burning on the tip of his tongue before his girlfriend suddenly sat right on top of him, her legs spread on either side of his hips and directly over his-

"W-W-Wh-!" Tamaki felt lightheaded at the blood rushing through his body, obviously not being able to decide whether to travel south or all up to his head. "A-Are you sure?! Ww-we have a bed and- and-"

The positively excited look she shot him made something else on his body react in excitement and Tamaki hid his face. "C'mon Tama! We never tried it outside before! Besides, everyone's asleep, Eraser's too busy babysitting the first years to care to check on us." she winked, eyes back to mentally undressing him before she actually did.

His whole body shook in embarrassment, embarrassed at his own increasing excitement at the prospect of doing something so intimate outside of the safety of their bedroom.

It seemed like the woman stop him noticed it too, if the sudden jump her hips made and the cherry red color of her face was any indication. "W-Wow, I-I didn't know you'd be this excited Tamaki." her surprised but delighted gaze met the hands of her boyfriend desperately trying to hide his expression.

She laughed and pried his hands away, settling them on her hips instead. His eyes refused to look at her, fixated on a point to the side. "Tama~" she called his name in a sing-song voice, fingers gently poking his cheek. "Aw, Tamaki, I'm happy you're reacting this way! You know how happy I always get when you want me too!" Her hips experimentally bucked against the prominent hardness beneath her, her insides clenching pleasantly at the constant pressure on her clothed core.

He took a shaky breath, eyes closing briefly before his purple eyes suddenly stared straight at her.

Intense.

She gently slapped his shoulder. "S-Stop trying to imagine me with a potato head!"

She knew all of her boyfriend's "embarrassment-evading" tactics.

She normally found them adorable, but with her sitting on his cock, craving for her hero really didn't fit in this situation-

"I-I'm not imagining you as a potato..." her eyes flew open when she felt his hands gently begin to rub her hips, her fingers squeezing his shoulders reflexively at the intimate touch.

"W-Wha-" her voice died down when her boyfriend suddenly righted himself, still sitting on the bench but looking down at her intensely, lips trembling just the tiniest bit.

"I-I imagined you in your underwear but-but that didn't really help..." if the throbbing beneath her was any indication, it helped in a different way.

The woman froze on his lap, flabbergasted at the dirty confession that slipped from her shy boyfriend's mouth. "Y-Y/N?" At his confused mumble, she came back to her senses.

She slapped her hands to her red face, turning her head away from the intense stare of her boyfriend. "T-Tamaki! Y-You-you can't just s-say stuff like that and-and oh!" she gasped at the sudden strong grip on her thighs, positioning her higher on his lap, his clothed cock brushing against her clit.

She jumped, legs squeezing his hips and he groaned, looking as red as a lobster. "W-Was that too-" his voice got muffled by her insistent kiss and Tamaki relaxed into it immediately, arms snaking around her body and pulling her closer, lips meshing together in a needy kiss.

His girlfriend's pants and wet tongue tracting his lips never failed to elicit a shiver that ran down the whole length of his spine.

Once his tongue shyly met hers, she moaned into their kiss, fingers gripping his sweaty hair and digging into his scalp.

They broke apart for air, thin strands of drool still connecting them, until Y/N licked her lips. "C-Clothes. Off." her fingers already traced down his chest and stomach to lift his shirt up.

Tamaki released a growl, the sound sending shivers down her spine. She loved her shy and sweet boyfriend, but she also loved the more daring side of him when she was able to make him completely relax and feel comfortable.

His hands slowly slid her shirt off her, her undershirt coming off with it. He licked his lips at the sight of her bra clad breasts, heaving with her pants, her own eyes feasting upon his abs.

She never could understand why her boyfriend ranted on about having to 'catch up' with training.

She was already drooling at the sight of his chiseled chest and the hard ridges of his six-pack, how much more training could he possibly-

"Ahh!" her surprised yelp echoed through the gym hall when her boyfriend's hands threw her bra off to the side. When had he even unclasped it-

She eyed his hand, morphed into a crab claw before it transformed back into his original human one.

Wait a damn min-

"Did you just snap my bra?! Tamaki!" Y/N pouted before an idea struck her. "Hey, wait, why don't you ever use your quirk on m-" her suggestion flew out the window when her boyfriend's tongue in her mouth broke her train of thought and his hands gently kneaded her breasts, drawing moans out of her.

Tamaki himself breathed deeply, trying to control his growing desire. His eyes were drawn tightly together in concentration, but the tantalizing sight of his girlfriend with her eyes closed in pleasure made him curse silently at his weakening resolve.

He groaned when he felt her hot lips trail a searing path down his skin, suckling on his pulse point and biting his jaw or throat.

His own mouth didn't remain idle, kissing her cheeks and mouth and sucking on her neck, more harshly when he felt her hands explore his torso daringly.

The things her touch did to him should've made him embarrassed, but it only fueled his desire for more.

Tamaki had been so absorbed in kissing down further and laving attention to her breasts to notice her sneaky hands working his sweatpants off.

It was only when her warm hand grabbed his hardness through his underwear that he hissed and threw his head back, cheeks pink. "Y-Y/N..."

She smiled, thumb tracing distracting circles on his weeping head. "Feeling good, Tamaki?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice to crack from the pleasurable electric bolts shooting up from his pelvis.

It had surprised him how quickly she'd ripped the rest of her clothing off her body, how intense the delectable musk off her hit his nose and made his mouth water. It was at the insistent tug on her hips that she realized the ravenous look in her boyfriend's eyes. "T-Tama..." she squealed when he surged forward and swallowed her moans in a deep kiss, hands kneading every available surface of her skin.

When his fingers gently began rubbing her trickling wetness that soaked his pants, she tore her mouth free from his. "T-Ta-Tamaki, I-I need you. Now." Her whimpers and the dazed look in her eye was all he needed to quickly take off his pants and underwear.

Once he settled back down on the bench, she climbed back onto his lap, her dripping cunt dragging along his own weeping cock. He hissed through his clenched jaw, guiding her motions on top of him. "E-Easy..." no matter how hard he tried, not even he could stave off the need to be inside her.

His fingers slowly sunk into her up to his knuckles, drawing out a long needy moan from her kiss swollen lips. "Oh-ohhh T-aaahhhmaki, I'm- I'm ready, just-just please." he shook his head, chest heaving as he continued to thrust his fingers into her burning core, his other hand gently pinching her nipple.

It was only when she grabbed his face and kissed him like her life depended on it that he slowly removed his sticky fingers from within her wet walls, watching in mild amusement and embarrassment how her eyes zeroed in on his tongue cleaning her juices off his fingers.

"T-Tamaki, I-I need you...your cock inside me...please." his cheeks darkened in desire and the indigo haired man gripped his shaft in hand, one hand steadying his girlfriend's trembling hips to guide her on top of him.

"W-Wait, l-let me-" before he could finish his sentence, she pushed him back down against the steel pole of the weight machine.

"N-No, you-you're tired from training. Let me do the work." she was flushed brilliantly from his earlier ministrations and he couldn't help but admire the way she spread her nether lips for his throbbing cock and slowly sunk down into him.

They both threw their heads back when the tip of his cock was in. It's been a while since they did this, what with Tamaki's hero work and her own studies.

"Ohhhh T-Tama..." she whined in arousal, short pants leaving her lips as she felt his thick cock spread her open. Her boyfriend wasn't only gifted with his quirk, a small fact she sometimes subtly hinted at whenever she set out to praise her boyfriend in front of others.

'Tamaki? Of course he's great! He's such a strong and gifted hero, you know? But he's also pretty gifted in other areas.'

Nejire wholeheartedly supported her deviant endeavors, with Mirio laughing and comfortingly patting his blushing friend's back.

She shivered when she felt every pulsing vein on the thick shaft entering her gushing walls, moaning when he was fully bottomed out within her.

They paused to catch their breath, Tamaki trailing soft kisses all over her face and neck, his large hands moving to brush back her hair tenderly. "A-Are you okay, Y/N?"

She nodded rapidly, hands resting on his stomach. "I should-I should be asking you that big guy. You were training when I-I- ahhh interrupted." the twitch of his cock within her made her moan, gently rocking her hips against his.

Tamaki panted heavily, fingers squeezing her hips. "Y/N..." he returned the gentle rocking motions, worry creasing his brow as he watched her expression.

She laughed shakily, feet finding purchase on the floor beside the bench. "Y-You know I love it when you stretch me out like this Tama." his cock slowly slid out of her before she moved back down, impaling herself further on his throbbing dick. "Ohhh fuck..."

Tamaki groaned, sweat trickling down the side of his face and his hands gripped her hips harder and lifted her off his soaked lap, before he slammed her down on his twitching length again. "A-Ahhh! Uh-uh oh oh!" The sound of her moans riled him up even more and Tamaki lifted his hips to meet her eager thrusts.

It always took her boyfriend a while before he shed his shy demeanor and slowly but surely grew more confident, especially the louder her moans got. "Y-Y/N, someone will...someone will hear us." he panted, fingers digging into her sides.

She licked her lips, eyes closed at the pleasurable tingles down below. "Nghh...T-Tama, everyone's aslee-oh!" she jumped, a full body shiver wracking her when she felt her boyfriend's hips suddenly surge up into her again, harder and deeper than before. "O-Oh y-yes, Tamaki that-that was good! P-Please again!"

She mewled against him, running her hands appreciatively over his body, trying to keep a shred of control within her.

Face red but eyes hooded with desire, Tamaki gripped her more securely and bucked his hips up again, another louder mewl leaving the woman on top of him. "D-Damn, you just-g-grew tighter around me...." he hissed through clenched teeth, resting his head against the wall and trying to concentrate on bringing her pleasure.

The sensation of her cunt clamping down on his sensitive arousal made him thrust harder into her, ignoring the burning of his arms and legs. "Y-You-you know..."

Her dazed eyes met his intense gaze and she felt another shiver dance through her heated skin. "This...this is..." he groaned and pulled her hips down to meet his upwards thrust. "A-Also...training!" she cried out, gripping onto his shoulders for support, panting heavily into his neck.

Tamaki hissed at the strain on his hips every time they not only lifted up to thrust but lifted his girlfriend's weight with it. "Nghhh!" he groaned at the clamping of her soft, wet walls around him.

She cried out, falling against his chest, breathing as harshly as he was. "T-Tama, t-that's it- just- just a little-! Ah!" she bit the side of his neck, trying to muffle her too loud moans into his sweaty skin, tasting the salty sheen of sweat on it.

His hips stuttered and Tamaki wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, lifting her chin to silence her moans with his mouth. "L-Let's...let's finish...t-together." he bit her bottom lip, soothing the bite with his tongue, fingers digging into her ass as he ground her harder and harder on his leaking cock. "Ngh...I'm...I'm close!"

She tore her mouth away from his, trying to suck in air while also kissing him. "M-Mmm m-me too! T-Tamaki!"

"Y-Y/N...!" His own guttural drawn out moans were muffled by her lips, hips stuttering until he finally released, her own release following shortly after if the wildly fluttering sensation of her cunt around him was any indication.

She shook in his arms like a leaf and Tamaki himself tried to ignore the trembles of his arms and legs. They rested back against the machine, the metal pole wide enough not to dig too uncomfortably into his back, but the surface was still unpleasant.

They panted heavily, trying to catch their breath. She could feel his hot cum slowly trickling out of her, his softening cock still within her sensitive cunt. "T-Tama..."

"Y-Yes?" he sounded even worse than before on the treadmill, as if he ran a marathon.

"U-Um..." she wasn't nearly as nervous and flustered as her loving boyfriend could get, but now her face was on fire. "...I-I think we need a towel."

She felt the heaving chest beneath her flushed cheek freeze, breath catching in his throat, before she slowly raised herself off his torso. Tamaki's entire face blushed a deep red, she probably didn't look any different, when they both watched his cum trickle out of her entrance where they were still joined.

"I-I'm so sorry!" Shy Tamaki was back full force, she mused with a smile.

Tamaki carefully lifted Y/N off his sensitive length, the couple groaning at the action, before he grabbed the towel he'd originally meant to use for a shower later.

Thankfully, the most mess was still on or in their bodies and not the bench, where only a small trickle had escaped. Tamaki didn't think he could ever enter this hall anymore without combusting on the spot from the memories.

He awkwardly glanced at the now dirty towel then back towards his girlfriend, who had shyly grabbed his shirt as a makeshift replacement for her own clothes. "Uh...." both blinked at each-other before they started to laugh. "Oh my goodness...I'm so..." she ran a hand down her face, legs tightly clamped shut. "S-Sorry Tama, I-I didn't mean to um..."

Tamaki cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his burning neck. "N-No, its um, I-it was my fault, I uh- I was the one who-who..." his ears looked like red christmas lights, so red that Y/N feared they would catch on fire.

She suddenly started giggling, hand covering her mouth. "We really did...make a bit of a mess huh..."

Tamaki's expression softened, sweetly pecking her forehead. His face was still dark pink but he chuckled softly, helping his girlfriend clean up and dress so they could go home.

Thanks for reading! :)

[drxwsyni]

Petrified (pt.3)

Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: is this what they call a slow burn?? i promise the intense yandere stuff goes down soon...-ish. i’d like to have a new part out every week or so, give or take a few days. we’ll see how it goes, but for now enjoy the new chapter!!!

ALSO WE REACHED 200 FOLLOWERS LAST NIGHT THANKS Y’ALL, YOU’RE AMAZING

(5.8k words)

Warnings: reader experiences mild anxiety

If there was ever a time in your life when you felt like you could finally take some well needed rest, it was now.

It wasn’t like you had a choice though, your nurse making it very clear that you weren’t cleared for discharge yet. Therefore another long bout of unconsciousness was the only option you had whilst in the dreary hospital room, and waking from it felt much more pleasant than you anticipated.

Your sleep schedule appeared to be unaffected by the recent events, something you were grateful for. It had you up on this fine Sunday morning at precisely 8:12 am, according to the time on your phone. Unfortunately, you neglected to bring a charger with you to work on Friday. So when your abandoned belongings were retrieved from that dreaded alleyway, you were still left with relatively nothing to keep you occupied. The phone was running on a steadily declining 14% battery life, leaving its use to be minimized to an expensive clock.

With nothing to pass the time in that regard, you simply observed the world coming to life outside your window. It left you the chance to go over the past 48 hours in peace, and you specifically regarded the strange development from last night.

It wasn’t something you hadn’t already been over multiple times in your head, but you still couldn’t manage to wrap your mind around the motivation that was fuelling Shouta and Hizashi to propose such a request. Concern over your health did explain some of it, but the extent of the actions caused by this concern was not at all equal to the reasoning.

Regardless, you’d already accepted to fulfill their strange request, so there wasn’t much that overthinking the situation would do to benefit you at this point.

_____

Breakfast came at around 8:30 am, effectively pulling you out of your wandering thoughts. It was simple enough: eggs, sausage, toast, a side of bland oatmeal and a tall glass of water.

The nurse left you to your own devices after that, telling you that for now it was a matter of continuing the same treatment before any more judgments could be made.

This wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t growing increasingly bored by the minute due to the lack of distractions. So when the sound of a certain voice hero’s conversation could be heard on the other side of your door not long after breakfast, it served as a great relief to the mind numbing atmosphere.

Not a moment later and you heard the familiar rapping on the wooden frame, before the blond pushed it open and entered.

“How’s my sunshine doin’ this morning? Ya feelin’ any better?” Hizashi was dressed in casual clothing with his hair down. In addition, he appeared to be holding some sort of shopping bag in his right hand.

You watched as he made his way towards the right side of your bed, responding to his worries. “Well, the rest definitely hasn’t gone unnoticed. My head still hurts but they’re giving me some pretty powerful meds for that thankfully.”

You figured he would sit down in the armchair, but instead he opted for settling on the edge of your bed again. “Ya sure you got enough shut eye? I can come back if ya need to snooze a lil’ longer.”

His open compassion for your health was comforting, albeit a little insistent, but it made for a relaxing atmosphere for now.

“I don’t think I could sleep anymore no matter how hard I tried, thanks for the concern though.” You gave a warm smile, sensing that he was almost stressed over your wellbeing, unnecessarily much in your opinion.

The blond brought the bag up to rest on your lap, and vaguely you could make out the contents for a brief second.

“Well, Shou’ and I figured you didn’t have all that much to live off of since being admitted, so I went and grabbed ya some essentials on the way here.” He gestured to the bag, to which you hesitantly reached for.

He continued, “I wasn’t quite sure what my favorite listener needed, so I just bought a lil’ bit of everything.”

You peered into the opening, seeing quite the assortment of toiletries. Picking up the packet of cleansing facial wipes, something you desperately needed, you continued to peruse through the items. Smaller things like high quality travel sized tissue packets and floral scented lotions were settled aimlessly at the bottom.

One thing that did catch your eye was a small stuffed black cat, wearing a white frilly dress. You took the plushie out of the bag for further inspection, also singling it out for just being cute.

“Shou’ picked that out. Sent him some photos from the gift shop downstairs since he’s not a mornin’ person. Thought it’d keep you company until ya get outta here.” You looked up at Hizashi, seeing him smiling warmly at the thought of something so wholesome, and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“It’s adorable, thanks…” For a moment you sat in the feeling of being cared for so well, something that you didn’t have much time to receive given your lifestyle. However, that sentiment was quickly overshadowed by the circumstances you were in, particularly with this man.

Once again, your body became riddled with grief over the fact that they’d spent not only their time, but now their money on you. Not that you didn’t understand that Hizashi was genuinely concerned for you―nobody could miss that. It’s just there was no reason for it as far as you were concerned.

The two had done more than enough as it is, and the overkill only made you feel worse. “...I just―I can’t help but feel bad that you spent so much on me. I’ll pay you back completely, it’s the least I could do for how much you and Shouta have invested in me so far.”

That’s what you said, and you meant it completely. But you knew that the voice hero wouldn’t stand for it, so you could only hold onto a string of hope that he’d at least let you compensate for half of the valuables.

He almost let out an amused laugh at your worry for the state of his finances. “Look, I know ya mean well, baby. But this stuff costed no more than pocket change. After all, can’t have you bein’ neglected in this place after going through all that trouble to get ya here.”

“Can I at least pay back half, just for some peace of mind.” He was more stubborn than you initially thought, just another trait of his you were growing used to.

“Not gonna happen, sunshine! But there is one thing ya can do…”

The blond pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket, unlocking it swiftly. He handed it to you, the screen appearing to show a page for new contact information. “Go on and type in those digits of yours. We’re gonna need a way to contact you if some new info pops up about the case from Friday night.”

You glanced at his awaiting expression before silently agreeing, typing in your phone number.

“Also, we gotta work out when that dinner night is happening. Can’t have you runnin’ off on us before then.”

He was right, the only way they were letting you make up for their generosity was oddly by letting them provide you more of the manner. It was your only option, so you settled with the new belongings and finished typing in your contact information.

As if to make sure you didn’t give him the wrong number, Hizashi sent you a quick text of a sun emoticon. You took the opportunity to save his information to your phone.

Just as you did, the screen turned black and wouldn’t come back to life no matter how many times you pressed the power button.

“Outta juice?”

Your eyes darted to Hizashi, who moved to rummage through the bag. He pulled out an object you somehow managed to completely miss: a phone charger.

He began unwrapping the cord from its casing, getting off the bed to find an outlet.

“The police ended up havin’ to go through your bag to file everything as evidence. Shou’ was there when it happened, told me to grab a charger cause you were missing one before I left this morning.”

Just another expensive item you wouldn’t be able to compensate for. It’s like he wants you to feel bad for being so helpless.

“Thanks…I’d be pretty screwed without you I guess.” You didn’t want to keep going on about the regrettable feeling that was all too persisting, seeming as it didn’t matter much anymore.

He handed you the end of the now plugged in charger, letting you hook your phone up to it. “No worries, actually I―”

The same nurse as last night had interrupted his train of thought, making her presence known before entering.

“Good morning Yamada sir, checking up on my patient I see?” She didn’t let him respond,  “Well, I hate to break it to you but I’m going to have to steal her for a while.”

He regarded the nurse with a smile. “‘Course, I’ll talk to you later, songbird.”

The blond gestured some finger guns in your direction as he spoke, walking out of your room.

Regardless of the circumstances, you thought, at least I have someone coming to see me. That’s what I get for throwing myself into work and not making friends I guess.

You let the nurse close the door all the way, silently awaiting the slew of information about to be sent your way.

_____

It would seem at this point the only stimulation outside of examinations was in the form of boring phone games, and your newly acquired, and insistent, hero companions.

One of which was currently posted in the armchair, waiting for you to finish eating dinner before you told him about the exciting day you had. Shouta, reserved as ever, kept on his phone until then.

You finished up as soon as possible, the silence eating away at your psyche due to its growing awkwardness.

“How was your day?” Simple, the only thing you could think of asking, great for breaking the silence.

The erasure hero looked up from the screen immediately. “Good, actually. Still haven’t heard anything from the station.”

Remembering that fateful night wasn’t something you particularly wanted to do, but for now it had to be dealt with. “I doubt much will come of it, not exactly like what was going down wasn’t obvious, so no need for an investigation, right?.”

“Probably...any changes with yourself?”

You knew well enough that like his partner, Shouta seemed genuinely interested in your health. The difference was that his way of conveying this was much more...intimidating.

The look he gave you demanded a response, even if the question was harmless enough.

“Ah―not really I guess. I’m here until tomorrow morning for sure, but that’s about all they’ve said.” You wouldn’t know if he was pleased with the response if you didn’t catch the slight nod he gave.

“Well, it’s not a bad thing. You could certainly use the rest.”

Now that’s something you could agree to, but you’d still rather do so in the comfort of your own bedroom.

“Listen, as much as I want to keep you company, my students are expecting graded essays back tomorrow morning. I’m afraid I can’t stay any longer.”

While you did appreciate his presence as a change of routine for a short while, it was only to an extent. You’d be lying if you said the atmosphere didn’t feel heavy while he was around, even if just a little in times like these.

“That’s no problem, I’d hate to keep you from your work.”

He slowly stood up from the armchair, “Hizashi will probably visit tomorrow morning. He’s got the day off so he’ll likely stick around as much as possible. Just tell him to leave if he’s annoying you.”

You watched as his eyes drifted to the stuffed cat resting on the bedside table next to the bouquet, the sight influencing a tired smile.

“You should try and get to sleep early―oh, one more thing.”

Like his partner had done earlier today, he reached for his phone, handing the unlocked device to you. Having done so already, something he was also aware of, you silently typed in your information.

“Don’t be afraid to send one of us a message if you need anything.”

You returned the phone to him, “Right, thanks for stopping by Shouta.”

As he exited the room, you were left with feelings of confliction over the whole ordeal. It was strange―having someone being concerned about your wellbeing was nice, but something, you couldn’t quite place what, was getting in the way of your gratitude.

The two men were clearly busy people. Hero work, on top of being teachers, would more than suffice as something to occupy most of their time. When it comes to dealing with victims, you’d assume that for the sake of efficiency a hero would just drop you off at the nearest hospital and then be on their way.

And yet, for reasons still incomprehensible, the presence of the strange duo was something you couldn’t shake off. Perhaps it wasn’t intentional, but the reality left a peculiar underlying feeling of...suspicion?

It was too soon to say, and frankly it’d be rude to judge them after they’d been so kind to you. However you’d always been someone who falls on the more overstrung side, and neglecting the situation by simply ignoring it was not something you could do.

_____

It was just as his partner had foretold―the next morning you had once again been graced with the presence of Hizashi.

You noted how he was awfully chipper for being up at 8:20 am on a Monday, but like the couple other odd traits of his, you chose to disregard it.

Especially since this person also came bearing quite the appetizing breakfast.

“The nurse said ya didn’t have to eat the hospital food if someone brought you a meal instead. Thought you’d appreciate somethin’ homemade so I whipped it up before leaving.” This time he was seated in the armchair, likely because there wasn’t enough room on the bed with the table that was positioned over it so you could eat.

The meal consisted of―somehow still warm―scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage, fruit, and a side of blueberry pancakes. All in all, it was delicious, and you didn’t quite think it was something he could just ‘whip up,’ but you’d let that slide. You thanked him profusely for it before regarding just how little you’d been informed of things since coming to the hospital.

“I didn’t even know that was allowed to be honest. They don’t tell me much aside from whether or not my condition has changed.” You tried to talk in between bites, not wanting to let the warmth dissipate by waiting to have a full conversation.

“Funny you say that cause she also told me you’d be cleared to leave by the end of the day. Looks like the hit you took wasn’t too serious.”

Well, you would’ve appreciated being the first to receive this news. Isn’t there like a doctor-patient confidentiality thing to keep others from knowing stuff like that?

Regardless, it was still good news. The hospital room was starting to drive you a bit crazy.

“That’s good to hear, thanks for letting me know.” You quietly continued your meal while Hizashi went on about similar things―cases that were like yours, his opinions of the hospital staff.

If there was anything he was good at it was filling the silence, and you supposed this was where his relationship with Shouta came in handy. Not that his partner didn’t seem to mind talking, it was just he wasn’t the most energetic when he did so, whether he knew that or not.

In general, the two of you quickly realized that there wasn’t much to discuss, given how you’d been holed up in the tiny room for the last few days―it didn’t really allow for the most exciting news.

He asked you about a few work details of your own occupation―how long you’d worked there, if you liked your coworkers―menial stuff mostly. By then you had long finished breakfast, and it would seem that the blond had no intention of leaving, much like his partner warned you of.

So, you listened patiently while he went on about this and that. Sometimes trailing off into hero stories, other times bringing up his work as a teacher.

In general, you had no problem listening to him go on. You’d speak up here and there, but not for long as he’d quickly resume with whatever topic he’d fixated on for the moment.

One would think it’d be annoying, and perhaps this was just a result of some form of exposure therapy that made it bearable, but it was enjoyable hearing him ramble.

Yet, good things only last for so long.

It’s not that you eventually found the endless discussion boring, rather the developing behaviour was due to you still recovering―even just in the slightest―from recent events. You didn’t even notice it, but gradually your eyes were becoming heavy, and the sound of Hizashi’s voice was becoming more and more distant.

Embarrassingly, he was the first to pick up on it.

He was mid sentence when he caught you nodding off. Rather than being offended, the blond actually found it endearing.

Instead of alerting you just yet that he’d taken notice of your behaviour, Hizashi silently stood up out of the chair, walking over to the windows of your room.

Your half-lidded eyes just barely picked up on the movement, vaguely seeing him pull the blinds closed before coming back to your senses.

“Oh god, I didn’t mean to―you weren’t boring me I promise. I just-”

“Relax, songbird. It’s my fault, ya must still be a lil’ done in, no worries.”

Naturally, you felt terrible. He was acting like he didn’t care, anyone would be offended at this point.

It was excruciatingly awkward, and you desperately tried to collect your thoughts. “No, no it really was interesting, you can keep going if―”

“Stop it, sunshine.” He started towards your bed, which you instinctively shrunk into. You always defaulted this way, panicking immediately in the face of little to no danger. But Hizashi wasn’t dangerous, you told yourself. He continued, “I should’ve known you weren’t better yet. Still not sure how but you really managed to wear yourself out, didn’t ya?”

He pushed you back down into bed by your shoulders while he spoke, continuing to pull up the blankets you discarded earlier.

“I’m gonna head out so you can get some more shut eye, yeah?”

“Um...o-okay. Yeah, I guess…” You inwardly cringed at how small your voice sounded, but to be fair it wasn’t like you could exactly help it.

It was confusing, how he acted so indifferent to the unspoken insult that you gave him by nearly falling asleep. Was he acting?

Hizashi moved away, heading towards the door, leaving you somewhat comfortably tucked into the hospital bed.

“Get some rest, ‘kay sweetheart?”

“Y-yeah, thanks.”

You heard the door click shut as he left, the room falling into silence amidst the now dim lighting.

Okay...what the fuck.

Devoid of any distractions in your proximity, the hard thumping in your chest was more than clear. At times like these you didn’t even realize any growing anxiety―not until the ordeal was over and you were left with the aftereffects.

The attention to it was only drawn more when you processed the increased rate of beeping coming from your heart monitor.

The last thing you wanted to do was bother the poor nurse taking care of you. Steeling yourself, you took deep breaths, focusing your attention on calming down. It worked soon enough, leaving no need for medical intervention.

You noted that getting like this always drained you of energy―mentally and physically. Heeding Hizashi’s orders, it was easiest now to try and sleep off the anxiety.

You can think about whatever just happened later, maybe when your not still hospitalized.

_____

You were stirred awake by a gentle hand on your shoulder, lightly shaking your resting form. Eyes fluttering open, you observed the dedicated nurse you’ve seen time and time again leaning slightly over you.

“Miss (l/n), I have an update on your condition.”

That was more than enough to give you motivation to pull yourself from the jaws of sleep. You sat up slowly, although it was your best attempt at doing so quickly.

The nurse continued, “Well, it’s good news. You’ve been cleared for discharge. Your condition has improved considerably, so you can continue the rest of your recovery at home safely.”

You needed to hear no more, immediately looking around to find your bag that had been delivered to you from Friday night. Still, you figured that this deserved a response.

“That’s really great to hear, thank you for taking care of me...also, where are the clothes that I came here in?”

“Oh yes, they’re in your bag.” You watched as she reached underneath your bed―no wonder you couldn’t find the damn thing.

The nurse settled the bag next to you before continuing. “Here you go, miss. I’ve prescribed some pain medication for your head injury. Directions for consumption are on the label...and I believe that’s it.”

You rifled through the bag, retrieving your clothing from the bottom.

“Oh, one last thing actually. Now, this is only a recommendation, but given your health it would be beneficial if you were to remain home for the rest of the week. You can go to work if you’d wish, but it may slow your remaining recovery process.”

“I’ll have to think about that one, but thank you for letting me know.”

She turned off the heart monitor before removing the clip on your finger. The IV had been removed yesterday, so there was no need for attention in that department.

“Perfect, you can get dressed and gather your belongings. Please speak to the receptionist at the end of the hall―right before the elevator―so you can pick up the prescription before you leave.”

“Sounds good.” You offered a warm smile to her, and she politely excused herself from the room.

You got changed, clothing appearing to have been washed at some point while you were asleep. Somehow you managed to pile all the things Hizashi brought you the morning before into your backpack, and you threw the shopping bag into the garbage.

It was nice to finally stretch your legs for longer than a few minutes to use the washroom, although your muscles did feel somewhat weaker now.

Slipping on your jacket and bag, you exited the room, closing the door behind you. The receptionist’s desk had been exactly where the nurse said it would be, and you handed over your information to the man behind the counter. He left for a moment before returning with a paper, your prescription printed on it with an illegible doctor’s signature. You thanked the man before heading to the elevator and stepping in.

Nothing was more enticing at this point than returning to the comfort of your own home. The thought of your bed waiting for you was enough to have you drooling, being so done with the unfamiliar setting of the hospital.

The elevator chimed, signalling it had reached its destination of the ground floor. The doors slid open and you stepped out, heading straight for the front entrance.

At least you were, until you collided into some poor unsuspecting human standing in your path.

How many times are you going to embarrass yourself before the day is up?

The person had caught you by the shoulders, stabling the both of you. You were quietly trying to apologize while, painfully so, you lifted your head to assess the damage.

You weren’t sure to be thankful or not, but you were met with a familiar gaze.

“You really shouldn't keep your head down like that all the time. Are you okay?”

Shouta looked down at you with a stern yet concerned look. He didn’t exactly back away, rather he continued his hold on your shoulders as if you were going to fall over any second. Hizashi also stood close by his side, and therefore close to you.

The sudden proximity had your head spinning, blood quickly rushing to your face.

“Ah―yeah. I’m fine.” Your response was pitifully sputtered out, and gently you moved back, out of his grasp.

“You headin’ out? Shou’ and I were just comin’ to check up on ya.”

The blond regarded his partner, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll drive you home, have you eaten yet?” The erasure hero didn’t seem to be asking permission over the matter, but you still forced yourself to give them your take on it.

“You don’t have to do that, I was just about to call a cab. And I have stuff at home for dinner, so I honestly can’t impose on you two anymore.”

“Aw, but we're already here sunshine. It’s no problem, c’mon.” The blond flashed a warm smile before moving to place a hand just beneath the nape of your neck, guiding you to the front entrance alongside his partner.

You were beginning to grow frustrated with the way the two acted, disregarding your wishes so casually. Sure, they weren’t doing anything inherently wrong―just helping a poor civilian get home―but that wasn’t what irked you.

They were too insistent, and it was making you uncomfortable. Clearly they either didn’t notice, or simply didn’t care.

Heroes or not, you couldn’t just let them do whatever they want.

But...would they be offended if you got mad? They’re just trying to help, so what’s the big deal? It’s not like you would have to deal with it much longer, surely you could put up with a bit more of their pushiness.

...Just endure it a little more, you’ve already done enough damage anyways.

It was growing dark out, the sun having just set over the horizon. The crisp air hit you hard as the automatic doors slid open, being equally refreshing and shocking to your system.

An involuntary shiver wracked your body, and you felt Hizashi’s hand slip to your shoulder, gently pulling you closer to him.

It made your stomach churn ever so slightly, but you pushed the feeling down.

Shouta walked in front of you two, presumably leading you to their car in the parking lot. Approaching it, you weren’t surprised to see the expensive looking exterior, and were even less surprised to find an equally luxurious interior as the erasure hero opened the backseat door for you.

You offered a quiet ‘thanks’, removing your backpack and slipping in. The door shut with a heavy thud, and you waited for the two men to enter the vehicle while putting on your seatbelt. It smelled of pine inside, likely due to an air freshener somewhere that you couldn’t see.

They stepped inside, immediately turning on the heat. Shouta was given the responsibility of driving tonight.

“We can grab you something to eat on the way home, I know a couple good joints around your area.” Hizashi seemed quite invested on the topic of good food, but you had to turn him down at least once today.

“Oh, no thank you. I’ve actually got a frozen dinner that I made last week that I was gonna heat up.” You felt the car start to move, grateful to be getting home faster than you would’ve by cab.

For the first time in a while, the blond actually acknowledged and accepted your opinion. “Alright then. Hey, did the nurse lady have anything new to say ‘bout the whole passing out thing?”

“Surprisingly not, guess it wasn’t as bad as it looked.”

Yeah, because they didn’t know why you were so tired, or how getting the crap scared out of you was the final driving force that night.

“That’s good to hear. I take it you’ll be staying home for the rest of the week to rest?”

Once again, you noted the tone in Shouta’s voice that was a little off-putting. He was asking a question, one that you had the freedom to answer however you see fit. But the lowness, sounding like a warning rather than a simple inquiry about your future actions was all too present.

It made you nervous.

“Well...I’m definitely going to take Tuesday and Wednesday off. But I’m already feeling good so I won’t bother to cancel for the rest of the week after that.”

You could only anticipate the disagreement in silence. And disagree they did.

“I’m not too sure that’s a good idea, sunshine. You went through a lot, its best ya hold off for a while.” You could hear the passionate concern in Hizashi’s voice, but it did little to deter you.

You briefly glanced outside, thankful that your apartment wasn’t too far from the hospital. “Maybe, but the end of the week is always really busy, and I usually handle evening shifts anyways. It wouldn't really be fair on my coworkers to bail for that long.”

Without skipping a beat, Shouta replied. “It’s not fair on yourself to put unnecessary strain on your body.”

Well, he’s not wrong, but that’s not the point.

“I can handle it just fine, besides it’s still a few da―”

“‘Zashi told me you fell asleep while he was there today. That doesn’t sound like handling it to me.”

Confrontation had never been your strong suit, even less so when it was directed at you. His words made you want to disappear into thin air, or have the backseat swallow you whole―anything would do at this point. You felt the shame from earlier today resurfacing, despite the internal fight you put up to contain it.

You were a little over halfway home.

“I was just a bit tired. Nothing a nap c-couldn’t solve.”

This time the blonde spoke up. “We’re just thinking ‘bout what’s best for you right now. And with the way things have been...maybe working so soon ain’t the greatest idea.”

The atmosphere was weighing down on you, thick with tension likely only you could feel. “The nurse said that it was okay to work if I wanted, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Is that all she said?” Your eyes flickered up to the rearview mirror, Shouta’s hard gaze meeting yours for a moment before you shied away.

God, this man is relentless.

You could lie, it might make this easier. But something told you that they would know if you did. They were pro heroes after all―didn’t they train to detect stuff like that?

“She said working might slow the recovery process, but I think two more days is more than enough time to get better.”

The two men exchanged looks mixed with annoyance and doubt, which you would’ve seen if you hadn’t had your head down, incessantly picking at your nails to distract from the bubbling anxiety you felt.

“Songbird, if the nurse said to stay home then you should listen to her. Going back to work ain’t gonna do ya any good.”

What could you say to prevent this from getting worse?

“She recommended staying home, I don’t have to listen to her.”

“Even though you should?” There was that tone again.

There was a silence in the car that felt like it lasted for an eternity. Clearly both of them were thinking the same thing, Shouta was just more insistent over it, much more insistent.

“What I should do is take responsibility as an employee. I’ll be okay by the time I have to go back.” Somehow you managed a response, despite feeling yourself physically shrinking back into the seat with every passing second.

Judging the surroundings, you were about one minute away from your apartment. One minute away from freedom.

You heard the blond sigh, “We know you wanna work, just promise you’ll think about staying home this week, give us some peace of mind?”

If that’s what will get them to stop hounding you over the matter, then whatever.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

The car pulled into the parking lot of your apartment complex. You would’ve jumped out at full speed and ran into the building to escape the tension at this point. But that would be rude, and you didn’t want to look like a lunatic. And even if you didn’t care about that, the car doors were locked.

“We better not have to bring your unconscious body to the hospital again, especially if it happens because you thought going back to work was a good idea. If you think we’re worried about you now...well, this would be nothing compared to what would happen if you pass out again. Understand?” Shouta glared at you in the rearview mirror as he spoke, creating more than a lasting impression of his warnings.

You swallowed dryly, “Of course, thanks for the ride.”

Another moment of silence, then the click of the car doors unlocking sounded.

You opened the door, grabbing your bag while stepping out, trying not to trip over yourself in the rushed panic you were in.

Rounding the vehicle, you started towards the entrance to the complex.

“We’ll catch ya later, sweetheart!” Hizashi’s voice boomed after you, having the car window rolled down.

Out of courtesy, you turned back around, giving a small wave and a smile before stepping through the doors.

In a haze, you shuffled back to your apartment, pulling the keys out of your jacket pocket. You locked the door as soon as you stepped inside, chucking your bag on the floor in the entryway.

You didn’t even bother to heat up dinner, knowing the nauseating feeling in your stomach wouldn’t allow for sustenance at this time. Instead you showered, taking the time to massage your scalp in an attempt to relax.

Sliding into your pyjamas, you found that eating still wasn’t an option, but drinking likely was.

Not alcohol, but herbal tea―it always seemed to do the trick.

The exhaustion set in quickly after you’d gotten only halfway through the cup, so you retreated to the comfort of your bed. You knew the feeling was a mixture of coming down from a stress induced high, the tea, and your still recovering system.

It served as plenty of foundation to knock you out the second your head hit the pillow. This time, you welcomed the inevitable unconsciousness with open arms.

End of Part 3

_____

taglist: @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @shinsous-eye-bags @roseloverofpastels

[12yeahiminluvwu]

Calm

pairing - Rudy Pankow x Little Sister!Reader

summary- Requested by @deathcompass :) “hi! your writing is amazing :) i was wondering if you could write something with drew/rudy where his younger sister has a panic attack and he helps her calm down because she gets them a lot?”

word count- 1.9+ 

warning(s)- panic attack tw, anxiety tw, swearing (maybe? idk), kinda cliche… gives me 2016 wattpad vibes ngl, the ending sucks i’m so sorry! very loosely edited

series masterlist 

masterlist

Disclaimer: I’ve only ever had very mild panic attacks so I’m going to use my own experiences to write this, but I do understand that they can be very severe and I’m not in any way trying to romanticize anything at all. I love you, stay safe <3 

-------------------------

“Hey bug, you ready to come home?” You sighed, realizing that summer was ending and you would be having to go back to Alaska for school. It hadn’t snuck up on you, but some part of you had hoped that you’d get to stay with your brother forever. 

“I guess…” You mumbled back, not wanting to hurt your parents but also not wanting to go back. 

“You’re all set to fly out in a few days, we can’t wait to see you!” Your mom exclaimed. You could hear the excitement in her voice which only broke your heart even more. The familiar feeling began to bubble up in your chest, making it seem like you couldn’t breathe in all the way, like something was taking up space in your lungs preventing you from getting enough oxygen. This hadn’t happened all summer, not since you came to live with Rudy. It had been so long since you felt it, you almost forgot the feeling altogether. 

“Sweetie? You still there?” Your mom’s voice brought you out of your own head and back into the real world, where a few minutes of silence had passed. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m here. I’ll see you soon. Love you guys.” You quickly ended the conversation, wanting to get as far away from your phone as possible, as your mind assimilated it with the panic you were feeling. 

This time, you were able to keep yourself calm.

--

“Baby, do you really have to leave?” Your boyfriend asked, his arms sliding around your waist, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The feeling of his skin on yours always ignited a fire within you, one you didn’t want to put out. You leaving in a few days felt like a storm threatening to wash away the wildfire the two of you had created together. 

“Yeah… I have to go back to school, my brother is gonna be filming season two of his show in Charleston, I’d have no one to stay with…” You mumbled into his chest, soaking in his scent, aching to remember every piece of him. Part of you wanted to believe that a long-distance relationship with him would work but the rest of you knew that it wasn’t fair to either of you. 

“Go to school here, with us! You could stay with me!” One of your best friends chimed in. A spark of hope lit up in your stomach, maybe you could stay. But then, like clockwork, that same feeling from earlier began to slither its way through your body. Your mind raced to all the things you’d be leaving behind, all the friends you had back home that you hadn’t seen in months. 

But as your mind raced and you sat with your new friends, and boyfriend (something you never thought you’d get back home), you realized the people in this room meant more to you than the people back home, who were only still friends with you because they didn’t have anyone else to be friends with. That still didn’t keep the panic at bay, but once again, you were able to keep yourself calm. 

--------------

“Roo, I wanna talk to you about something…” You said, coming into his room that night. 

“What’s up kid?” He asked, watching you sit down next to him on his bed. The way you twiddled your thumbs and chewed on your lips told him you were nervous about something, his mind racing to find out what it could be. The energy in the room shifted, and it was like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Taking a big gulp, you started trying to verbalize your thoughts, even though it felt like you couldn’t breathe. 

“So… I was thinking- maybe- I… I could stay here with my friends and go to school here. She said she’d- she’d talk to her mom and ask if it was ok. But like, I would- I would need your help talking to mom and dad because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I really- really don;t want to go back home…” You stumbled out, hoping that he would understand what you had just word vomited at him. Slowly, you began to feel the burn of tears coming to your eyes, and desperately you tried to hold them back. 

“You want to stay here? How come?” He asked. He sat up, coaxing you into his arms cause he knows it calms you down. You laid your head on his chest and kept trying to take deep breaths as he stroked your hair. 

“I feel more understood by the people I’ve met here than I do by anyone in that stupid little town…” You whispered, “I’ve gotten closer to them in 3 months than I did to anyone back home in 16 years, Rudy. I have no one... no one real anyway.” 

“So you want to stay here in LA?” He asked again and you nodded. The sound of his voice was distant, sounding miles away. You did your best to focus on your breathing but that focus was quickly slipping away as your breathing became more sporadic and uneven. It was as if something was sitting on your chest, preventing you from getting enough air. 

“I’ll talk to mom and dad and see what they say. Kiddo, I need you to focus on your breathing ok? Focus on taking a deep breath all the way in and breathing all the way out.” He continued to run his fingers through your hair as you gasped in deep breaths and let the tears fall down your face. Slowly, the room started opening back up and even though the tears still ran down your face and your hands shook like an earthquake, it got a little easier to breathe. 

“That’s it, just like that,” He cooed. You sighed at the sound of his voice, remembering when you used to get these all the times before Rudy left home. After he was gone, they picked up even more and your mom and dad just didn’t quite know how to ground you like Rudy did. He was always there to protect you, it was a kick in the gut when he left you. But here he was, calming you down.

-----------------------------

Rudy sat up in the living room, the next morning. You were still asleep, somewhat exhausted from last night's events. The phone rang and he took a deep breath, hoping for nothing more than to be able to get you what you want. 

“Hey Rudy! How have you been?” Your guys’ mom answered and he smiled, hearing the happiness in her voice. 

“Hey mom, is dad around?” He asked and heard shuffling on the other end. Suddenly his dad's voice sounded from the line and they got a little lost in simple conversation. Rudy then remembered exactly why he called them and got down to business. 

“So I wanna talk to you about Y/n…” He trailed off and your parents went a little quiet. He started to feel the sweat gather on his palms and gulped down the nervous lump in his throat, noticing the shift of energy in the call. 

“Is she ok? Did something happen to her?” Your dad spewed out, worried that something might have happened to his little girl, but he shook his head before remembering they couldn’t see him. 

“No no no she’s fine, but I know you guys are gonna be a little skeptical about what I’m going to tell you,” He sighed before continuing on, “ She wants to stay here for the school year…” 

The line went quiet. He could tell his parents were shocked, the fact that their daughter didn’t want to come home was a lot to process and they had no idea what the reasoning behind it was. 

“What do you mean? She doesn’t want to come home?” The woman gasped, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“She’s ade some really awesome friends, people she’s closer to than anyone she is with at home. She’s already lined up a place to stay while I’m shooting. I think you’d really like them actually. It’s one of her best friends and her mom, they’re really nice! I think you guys should change Y/n’s ticket so that you guys can come down here…” He rushed out, hoping they understood him, but he was met with silence once again. 

“Uhm… We’re not making any promises, but we’ll come down there so we can talk about this as a family…” His dad said and he nodded with a smile, agreeing. 

----------------------

You woke up feeling the events from last night lingering in your shoulders and neck. 

It was a familiar ache that only ever happened after an attack, a muscle tightness that made it feel as though you’d been sleeping on concrete for the past week. Doing your best to roll out the soreness, you walked into the kitchen to see Rudy with a look on his face that you couldn’t read. 

“So… I talked to mom and dad, and they’re gonna come here so we can talk about you staying!” He smiled and you felt like a little bit of the weight you’d been feeling lifted. 

“When are they coming?” 

“They’ll be here tomorrow,” He said, coming over and hugging me tightly, “We’ll get you where you need to be kid, promise!” 

----------------------

The tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife. Your parents sat across from you and your brother, silently. You could tell they were deep in thought, but it didn’t help the shaking that began to take over your hands. 

All you wanted was for them to understand. They weren’t always great at that… 

“Mom, are you gonna say anything?” You finally asked, wincing when she let out a sign.

“Y/n, I just don’t like the idea of you living with someone you just met three months ago....” She said finally and your dad nodded along with her. 

“You don’t understand though. I’m closer to them than I am to anybody back home! I know her and I know that she cares about me, her mom cares about me! When I wasn’t here, I was there. I’m practically already a part of the family! She’s had me and Rudy over for dinner so many times I lost count. She’s hosted dinner parties for the cast because she wants to get to know the people close to Rudy and I because she cares! She’s like a second mom to me. And I love you guys, I really do. But I’m just not happy at home! It doesn’t feel like home anymore. This… This feels like home.” You stood up, pacing back and forth, your voice gradually raising to try and hold in the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Baby…” 

“Momma…” You whispered pleadingly, looking her in the eyes for the first time since she’d arrived and finally letting the tears fall. Rudy was next to you in seconds, pulling you into his arms, doing his best to keep you grounded so you didn’t fall off the edge.

The silence was filled by your sniffles and Rudy’s whispers into your ear. Your parents looked at each other with a knowing look in their eyes. It was obvious that they were not your home anymore, and no matter how much it broke their hearts they knew they had to let you go.

“Y/n, honey, we want to meet the family first, but we think you should stay. We want you to be happy bug, and if this is where you’re happy, then this is where you should be!” Your mom finally said, coming over and wrapping you and your brother in a tight hug. Your dad followed in suit and soon enough you started to feel yourself calm down.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//just one bite. sakusa kiyoomi//

Warnings: Blood/Mild Gore.  Some swearing

Word Count: 2.2K

Notes: My google search history is W I L D after this, but @nekxrizawa needed some Vamp!Sakusa, so here you go, bby ;-;

(Vampire!Sakusa x Human!Reader)

“I’ll only be gone an hour.  Go on to sleep, love,” he had whispered, tucking a loose strand of hair from your face.  It was late, the only light coming from the soft flickering of the candles and the rays of the moon illuminating his face.  The soft gleam of white fangs as lips were eased up into a small smile.  You were only left to watch as his coat was pulled on and a long scarf was wrapped around his neck to help disguise him from the townsfolk.  A quiet thud of a door closing is the only indication that he had wandered out into the night, a small “please be careful” escaping behind him.

Glass shattering in the main room of your small home yanks you from sleep's embrace.  There are soft grunts as a chair is scraped across the floor.  You gently move the blankets off your body and tiptoe towards the bedroom door.  Your fingers tighten around the nearest blunt object: an unlit candlestick.  Excellent weapon choice, Y/N. 

The door is eased open just enough to get a good view of the cause of the ruckus.  The candle is dropped and you throw the door open.  Socked feet drumming against the floor with each hurried step towards the man at the table.  “Sakusa, what happened?” You fret, crouching down to be eye level with your husband.

He gives you a tired smile, fangs shrinking to blend back in with his human teeth. “I told you I’d be back in an hour.”  Small trickles of the sticky red substance ran down the side of his face, dripping onto the shoulder of his now torn coat.  Sakusa winces a little as you move your hand up to move his hair away from his eye, fingertips brushing accidentally over a heavy bruise on his cheek.  “I guess I need to find new hunting grounds,” he mutters, leaning back to the best of his ability in his worsened state.

“Again?  You just found this one last month.”

“Clans already took it over,” he grunts, pushing his hand against his abdomen.  It was dangerous to not have a clan to call your own, Sakusa was the perfect example.  Constantly having to find new places far enough from the prying eyes of the townsfolk just to get your next meal, moving silently as to not alert your prey or the other vampires undoubtedly in the area.  Good grounds were precious and unclaimed ones that weren’t an immediate death sentence were hard to come by nowadays.  It seemed like every inch of forest around the town was taken by one of the few neighboring clans, but when you’re just alone?  It’s damn near impossible to eat when you need to.

“Come on.  You need to lay down and rest.” You reach out your arms to offer him an extra support system, willingly accepted by the injured man.  He lets your arm slide around his waist as he attempts the slow hobble towards the bedroom, desperate to sleep this night away.

But, he couldn’t ignore it.  The pangs of hunger that came and went.  The smell of blood, even if it was his own, making his mouth water, his head spin at the delectable scent.  It took everything in him not to raise his hand to his lips and lap the blood from his cut knuckles.  It’d been days since his last proper meal and a small rabbit never lasted him long.  What he would do for a small snack, anything to soothe him.

You laid him gently on the bed, leaving only briefly to get a wet rag.  Sakusa’s fingers dug into the sheets as you used the towel to wipe away the blood from his face.  His beautiful features contorted into a grimace of pain at the feeling of you attempting to gently scrub him clean.  He didn’t even have to see himself to know that your increase in pressure meant that it had stained his cheeks.  There’s a weak grab for your-

Wrist. The blue vein running up your arm, waving in front of his face. Teasing him. Testing his will.  The all too familiar feeling of his fangs poking the inside of his lips returned, a small quiver in the corner of his mouth becoming evident.  Just one bite.  That’s all it would take.  One little taste and then he’d be fine.  He’d have enough energy to last him until the morning and then he might be able to see his friend at the butcher shop, see if they had anything fresh in, see if there was any blood.  It wouldn’t even hurt.  It’d feel like a bee sting.  Hell, maybe if he waited until you had gone to sleep, you wouldn’t even notice.  Your flesh just looked so soft in the low midnight light.  He had always wondered, from his very first meeting with you, how good it would feel for his fangs to pierce that beautiful skin.  How your blood would look staining his fangs, the crisp metallic taste still on his lips hours after.  He finds himself leaning towards you, eyes trained on the vivid vain that contrasted so teasingly against your skin.  Just one bite-

What am I doing? He shakes his head free of those thoughts.  He promised you that he would stop drinking from humans and you were not about to be his first taste of human blood after years of upholding that deal.  He pulled himself away from you quickly, the sudden pain in his side eliciting a gasp from him.  

“What?  What’s wrong?” You worry, eyes staring into his.  

Sakusa just hums, waving off your concern.  “Moved too fast.”  His voice is barely above a whisper, rasping with every word. His head had begun to feel woozy.  Between the fight in the forest and his slow, painful trek home, he had lost a lot of blood.  Even just from moving from the main room to the bedroom, he had left a small smattering of blood droplets all over the floor.  That was going to be a pain in the ass to scrub up tomorrow.

You continue dabbing at the cuts on his face.  Every few moments, his breath catches in his throat, eyes shut tight to distract himself from the small sting.  Your hand goes down to rest next to him on the bed in an attempt to better support yourself.  The sheets are warm, Sakusa’s radiating body heat-  You stop. Body heat?

Eyes scan down to your hand and the slowly growing stain of red blood on the white bedsheet.  You can feel your heart beginning to thump thump thump rapidly in your chest, head clouding at the sight.  Bringing your hand up to examine the bright color, fingers quivering.  “Sa- Sakusa?”  Your voice shakes just as much as the rest of your body.  Your husband’s head is lolled weakly to the side, eyes glazed as the life is slowly drained from them.  His chest rises with short little stutters as his breathing grows ragged.  Yet, despite everything, there’s a sleepy smile on his lips. 

“Sakusa! Come on, don’t do this.  Stay with me, my love,” you whisper, carefully moving layers of clothing to reveal the deep gash on his side.  “I need to go find the bandages.  Do not go to sleep, do you understand?”  You’re on your feet in a flurry, running to the kitchen, careful to avoid the blood trail.  Rummaging through every cabinet to find the cloth bandages and a bottle of alcohol, anything to disinfect the wound.  You were finally able to get a good look at the scene around you.  Your brain had been fogged with worry, all focus on Sakusa and his health and you had failed to notice the sheer disastrous state that the house had been left in.  Mugs that had been left on the table from your evening tea had been smashed to the floor upon your husband’s rough entrance.  Bloody hand prints seemed to be plastered on every single surface.  It looks like a crime scene in here.

Sitting back down next to Sakusa, you place your cloth, wet with alcohol, against his wound.  The sting brings a low groan from him, body tensing at this new pain.  “Please-” He whispers, weakly trying to move away so you’ll just stop.  “I can’t-” Sakusa gasps as you place the rag back on his side.  His mind, so taken over by the burning of the disinfectant doing its job, couldn’t even register the hot tears flowing over his cheeks.  “Stop, please,” he begs, his voice barely audible.

“I know it hurts, sweetie, but, I promise, I’m only doing this to help you, okay?  You’ll get better faster if you just keep pushing through this.”  You lean over him, peppering his face with soft kisses.  “You’re doing incredible.  Just keep your eyes open, Sakusa.”  

There’s more groans and hot tears of pain.  More whimpers and desperate pleas.   “No more-” “Please, I can’t-” “My love, st-”  You had to stop.  It hurt too much to see him in such a state: weak, broken, a sobbing, bleeding shell of the man you loved so much.  

“I’m going to sit you up so I can bandage you up, okay?”

He nods weakly, letting you pull him into your arms.  Sakusa’s head buried itself into the crook of your neck, letting you feel his soft shallow pants against your skin.  So . . . hungry.  He was so close to all the blood he needed.  He could just sink his teeth in so easily. He could eat.  Regain strength.  He’d be able to heal his wounds if only he had just a little energy.  One little taste wouldn’t hurt anything, right?  You would understand, right?

You could feel his mouth open against your skin, smiling a little as you anticipated him to place short kisses over your shoulder while you worked.  Involuntarily, you tilt your head to the side, giving him more space.  The soft graze of teeth against your skin is almost sinful in this situation.  “Sakusa, you’re making it hard to focus.”

He says nothing, teasing the point of his fangs more harshly on the spot he had chosen, the scent of your blood coursing through your veins most prominent here.  He paused, waiting for you to push his head away, ask him what the hell he thought he was doing.  But, you never did.  You just continued wrapping bandages securely around him. 

It was a blissful moment, really, when he finally broke through.  His first taste of human blood in nearly five years.  He forgot just how good humans tasted compared to animals.  The sharp metallic carried an extra sensation.  He was never able to describe it to you.  He had never had anything human that even compared to the taste, but if only you knew just how delicious you tasted.  Sakusa pulled his fangs out, eyeing the blood seeping from the two little marks.  His tongue darts out before he can stop himself, licking up the stream that had started to creep down your neck.  His mouth attaches over the wound, long, hungry drinks running down his throat.  

You had long since stopped wrapping his wound.  The sudden pinch on your neck had made you yelp, but Sakusa didn’t notice, too lost in the ecstasy of finally being able to eat.  The blood that kept dripping down your neck was not lost to him, enjoying each and every single drop that was pushed up from the wound.  With each swallow, he could feel his strength returning to him, the wounds beginning to close as his supernatural healing was finally able to kick it’s ass into gear with the newfound energy.  His head had begun to clear, satisfaction coursing through him as his hunger passed.  Sakusa pulled his lips away from- 

His eyes shot open and you were convinced that he was going to fall off the bed at how fast he had scrambled away from you.  Embarrassed, he wiped the excess from his chin and stared at you like a deer caught in a pair of headlights.  What had he just done?  You were going to scream at him.  Tell him that he had mere minutes to get out of the house and away from you.  He was a monster.  He shouldn’t be anywhere near you.  

You can imagine his surprise when he sees you just smile a little.  “Did you get enough?” You ask, tilting your head just in case he found himself still hungry.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t know what I was doing!  I was just-  I was hungry and I- I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that!” He frets, trying to move away from you.  Even in the low light, you could see the red flare up on his cheeks.   Your hand reaches out to caress his face, feeling him try to hide his face in your grasp so you can’t see every ounce of embarrassment evident on his features.  

“It’s okay, my love.  One bite isn’t going to hurt me.  I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

[justanotherfoolhere]

Hey! I wrote something for the Iruka Week 2021! @iruka-week

Day 1 - Scars.

Title: Tracing stories.

Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi

Wordcount: 1422

Tags: domestic fluff, really light angst, trans iruka (mentioned), scars.

Summary:  Scars are stories embedded on skin. On a too hot night, Kakashi finds himself tracing Iruka's stories.

Read on ao3 if you want to.

Every ninja had a scar. Multiple scars, really. It’s an occupational hazard, a reminder to be more careful in the future and a sign you survived to try again. Most ninjas displayed them with pride, exaggerating the stories and adding their own dramatic flair; some preferred to conceal them and were more discreet and reserved; others just ignored them and moved on with their lives. Rarely someone was ashamed of a scar, it was a victory mark, a reminder you’re alive rather then you’ve failed.

Kakashi thought about all of it while his fingers lazily traced Iruka’s back, caressing the scar tissue there. It was a huge one, left by Mizuki’s shuriken back when Naruto was just a kid. Iruka had told him this story, a mix of pain and grief for seeing his childhood friend so consumed by hatred, and pride for being able to protect the student he saw as his own, for standing up for Naruto when no one else would and seeing Naruto protect him in return.

Iruka wasn’t one to exaggerate stories, so when he said how impressive it was, eyes shining and a smile on his face, Kakashi believed him. If there was a kid stubborn enough to conjure a bunch of clones with barely no practice out of pure rage and protectiveness, it was Naruto.

“Can’t sleep?” Iruka asked, voice low, and stirred to face Kakashi on their bed.

“Too hot,” Kakashi mumbled. Iruka made an agreeing noise. They were both striped to their boxers and it was still too hot, “Did I wake you up?”

“No, I also can’t sleep,” he smiled. Kakashi’s hand, now that Iruka’s back was turned, decided to trace the scars on his chest instead, “something on your mind?” Iruka got his hand to place a small kiss on his knuckles before letting it resume the scar tracing.

“You.”

“Ow, that was so cheesy,” Iruka shoved him playfully, a grin betraying his true thoughts, “please tell me you didn’t get it from Icha Icha.”

“I’ll let you know Icha Icha is full of great lines!” He play-shoved Iruka back, “You’d know if you gave it a try, sensei.”

“Let’s agree to disagree then,” It wasn’t the first time they talked about it, and wouldn’t be the last. The outcome was always the same.

They fell on a comfortable silence.

Kakashi’s attention went back to Iruka’s scars, his fingers idly tracing them one by one.

The twin lines on his chest, under the pectorals, faded and neat, surgical. Top surgery. Iruka told him all about the pre-op nervousness and the how the first post-op week sucked. Then how good it was, to make his body more his own. Iruka also traced these scars from time to time.

His hand adventured a bit lower, tracing the faint scars on his ribs and soft belly. A couple shurikens he didn’t dodge in time, some accidents on kunai practice, faint marks of cuts that barely managed to scar. Kakashi cherished those small stories as much as he did the big ones.

Iruka chuckled when his finger fluttered over a particularly ticklish spot, but he didn’t say anything. Kakashi kept going down, sitting on the bed to have access to Iruka’s legs. He was mesmerized, like it wasn’t a hellishly hot night, like he wasn’t tired, like the only thing that mattered was keeping on tracing Iruka’s scars, Iruka’s stories.

“What are you doing?” Iruka’s voice was somewhat amused. He tilted his neck to get a better look at Kakashi, but didn’t move otherwise.

“I love you,” Kakashi said, barely above a whisper and so sincere.

There was a bigger scar on Iruka’s right thigh, one made by a deeper cut. A kunai. One of the many kunais Mizuki threw at Naruto. The one that hit Iruka when he pushed Naruto away and suffered the attack on his place.

Kakashi loathed how many marks Mizuki left on Iruka’s body.

“Love you too,” Iruka let his head drop back on the pillow, “but what are you doing?”

“Just… Thinking,” he shrugged, fingers going to Iruka’s ankle, “about how lucky I am to have you,” and for you telling me all these stories. Letting me know all of you.

He didn’t say the last part aloud, but it must have been written all over his face, if Iruka’s blushing cheeks are any evidence.

“Are you trying to make me beet-red at this unholy hour?”

“Maa, I’d never dream of it,” Kakashi joked. His finger found a small, circular scar on Iruka’s foot. This one was different from a stab wound. It was from burning.

A cigarette burning, to be exact.

He smiled. At least this one was a funny one. Iruka and Asuma were still on their teens and Asuma had just started smoking. Hidden from his father, of course. He and Iruka were messing around, talking about everything and nothing all at once, when Hiruzen snuck up on them. Asuma got so startled and desperate to hide the evidence that he let the cigarette fall on Iruka’s bare foot.

He was grounded for a long, long time. And Iruka got a mild scolding too for enabling him and helping him hide it from the Hokage.

“Asuma still gets flustered when I bring this one up,” Iruka mentioned, as if reading his mind. They looked at each other before laughing.

There they were, on a too hot night with Kakashi’s hand strolling over Iruka’s skin like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Kakashi lay back on the bed with a grunt, his body relishing on the softness, and leaned just enough to place a chaste kiss on Iruka’s lips.

The light, comfortable mood soured a little when Kakashi’s finger gently traced the characteristic scar on Iruka’s nose.

Iruka wasn’t one to flaunt scars and embellish stories. But he also didn’t try to hide them or brush them off. Kakashi always thought of him as someone who doesn’t particularly care about the scars, but shares the stories with people he’s close with (and always tells them exactly as they happened).

Then there’s the scar on his nose.

It’s probably his older one, since no one remembers him without it. The thing is, whenever someone asks, Iruka evades, dodges, change the subject or find an excuse to leave. It doesn’t matter if it’s a complete stranger or his best friend, he never answers this one.

Kakashi worries he’s ashamed of this one. Ashamed enough to hide it from everyone, even from him. He asked once, when their relationship was still new and fresh, then never again. It was a mix of respecting Iruka’s privacy and avoiding the stinging feeling of rejection.

“What’s the problem?” Iruka must have noticed the sudden dark mood, one of his hands caressed Kakashi’s while the other went to cup his cheek.

“Nothing, just…” he trailed off, staring the story-less scar. Understanding dawned on Iruka.

“Oh,” he said, “It’s the only one I never told you about, isn’t it?”

Kakashi nodded.

“You don’t have to,” he assured.

“No, it’s okay,” Iruka’s hand kept on caressing his cheek, “It’s just… I wish you hadn’t chosen the hottest night ever to bring this up,” he jested, managing to get a chuckle from Kakashi.

“So… about this one,” he traced the old scar over his nose, “I have no idea,” he grinned.

Kakashi spluttered. Talk about breaking the expectations….

“Yeah, well,” Iruka resumed, “I was too little when I got this one, and when I asked my parents they said they’d tell me later. Then there was the Nine-Tails and… There was no later.” His voice got quieter. Kakashi squeezed his hand.

“I see,” he said, because he felt he should say something.

“So that’s it,” Iruka shrugged, “Guess I’ll never know the story behind this one.”

“That’s okay, thanks for telling me,” Kakashi moved closer and tried to pass an arm over Iruka’s shoulders, but Iruka shoved him away less playfully this time, “What?”

“Too hot to cuddle,” Iruka grimaced, “I love you, but you’re like a furnace.”

“It’s never too hot to cuddle!” Kakashi protested, then he considered how they were both sweating already and recoiled at the idea of having another body’s warmth on top of his own, “But maybe it’s hot enough to warrant a nice nighttime bath? With really, really cold water,” he offered, “Join me?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Iruka sat on the bed and stretched, popping his joints with a pleased sigh, “Let’s go?”

“I’m right behind you.”