#i wrote this at 4 am dont @ me

[skitskatdacat63]

Nando being silly in S2E2 of his doc 🥺

[badnewswhatsleft]

14 what a catch, donnie mv - commentary (patrick, joe, andy)

[aeonofladys]

Why i believe opal being a kid makes sense

We already know opal is kind of crazy and most likely doesn't use peaceful methods. A way this could have happened is, he was manipulated since a baby by the ipc to believe he is doing good, and doesn't truly understand what he does or who he hurts are actual people, seeing this more like a game.

Additionally, if someone grew up in a place where shedding blood to get what u want is considered normal and perhaps even encouraged, would he truly be able to develop the required empathy and courage to go against the people that he most likely looks up to? Especially if he truly a very young kid, wich is 100 times easier to manipulate.

That way, being manipulated since youth to believe in very worng ideals and not even registering on what he is doing is wrong, he will most likely view this as a silly game to gain praise, approval and money ,wich can get him a lot like physical items, for example toys, but also stuff like respect. It will bot be that hard for him to realise that the more money he has, the more people treat him nicely, because he can be of use to them and has a lot of influence but idk if he will realise the second part.

And of course, for the same exact reason, he won't view lives as actual lives, but more off a number. As said before, he will almost to even zero empathy, and he won't even be able to register that those are actual people he is hurting. He will view them as a stepping stone , or perhaps a way to win the game more easily.

Last but not least, he will start to get bored one day. Kids easily get bored with their toys. And so he will seek more entertainment. Will do even more crazy stuff. Will kill even more people, in different ways, just to give him some entertainment. Or perhaps just to gain a little more praise. Maybe after he has won so many battles, the adults won't give him such heartfelt compliments because they will start to expect it and so beraly give him attention. And what does a kid crave the most? Attention. Especially from the people he looks up to. So he will start to do more crazy stuff, so he could hopefully win faster, so the adults would actually get suprised and give him wayyy more attention.

It would also be very fun to see how he deals with relationships and attachment. Will he seek parental love out of people? Making stuff read bedtime stories to him, and asking them to do basic parental stuff, but once they mess up he will give them a punishment or even kill them because that's the environment he was grown up and his kid-like mind won't even register the fact it isn't the correct way to love? Or will he despise the idea of people looking down at him for being a child? People looking down at him, when they should be looking up, and praise him for all the things he has accomplished! Will he also hate attachment? That's something i am not truly sure of yet. But one thing i do know is that he will get attached without knowing it. Perhaps an additional reason on why he chose aventurine to live is because he has gotten slightly attached to him. Or perhaps because he found him as someone who will bring more entertainment to him. Or perhaps even none of this, and it's truly him wanting to follow diamond's wishes.

All in all, I truly hope he is an actual kid because it will be very fun to see how they will write him. Plus i truly adore the idea that he views everything a game.

I genuinely do believe it kind of fits his character the more i think about it, but maybe i am just self-indulging myself. Please tell me your thoughts!

{Ofc his actions aren't excused tho Imao. I can't wait to learn more about him, and he will most likely be the next stone head we learn about so i cant wait. }

[dvasva]

Tbh? I think the radiant emperor duology deserves more critique than it gets in its tag, so after stewing it over for a couple weeks and also discussing it with my friend, I have decided to do it myself.

So. Spoilers for She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned The World ahead.

First off, so nobody accuses me of hating the series, I liked the series. I'd say I'd give the first book a 4.5/5, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I like both books. I truthfully skipped the fisting scene, it triggered some dysphoria that I wasn't comfortable with personally but I don't have problem with it existing in the book, it's good where it is, no changes.

No, my critiques come mostly from the second book, hwdts. Which sucks because I absolutely loved Baoxiang in it, it's a well known fact that my ideal type is pretty, really mean, characters. ('What about Madam Zhang?!!!???!? Shes mean and pretty!!' I hear you ask. Give it a second cause i will get to my beloved madam zhang) So, my critiques are mostly organized as 'The first part I didn't like in Hwdtw that signals the thing that became my biggest issue, the bits in the middle that i did like along with the bits that I felt didn't really work well, and Act 3 which is where my issues really were exacerbated.'

By the end of book one, I had a general annoyance but acceptance that Ma Xiuying was a bit of a weak character, and not weak as in 'dang shes a woman and cant fight' or any other sexist way you may interpret that, but weak as in structurally, she didn't really have as much depth as other characters. I thought she didn't have as much time put into her character as others. And yeah you could have a million character analysis essays over Ma and her place in the story and etc, but for me, her setup for the next book as potentially having conflict with Zhu or her own morals was the most interesting part of Ma. In general I think a lot of people tend to overlook this flaw partly because Ma is a cis lesbian character and the main 'love interest' in a book that is usually marketed to people as sapphic, which yeah there is certainly a sapphic relationship in the book but I think saying it's a major part of the book is really giving the relationship a load bearing wall ot isn't strong enough to carry. The Radiant Emperor Duology is not a romance, first and foremost. To describe it as a wlw romance is gonna leave people who read ot specifically for that reason kinda dissappointed by the end of book 2.

My big critiques didn't start until book two, and a particular scene, though. Ma, at the start of book two, was generally filling the niche of 'nagging wife' to zhu, which yknow, is a fine place to start from. I was a little disappointed there was no further discussion of Ma's disapproval of the morality of Zhu's actions, and in fact the dead child was pretty much entirely forgotten by Ma in favor of being Zhu's wife. Which, yknow, sure.

The Scene I had issue with happened (Spoilers once again) after Zhu finally captures Ouyang and imprisons him at her base of operations. Ma, dressed in her empressly regalia enters his room with the intention of being the bigger person. She walks in, looks at the stripped down and humiliated general who killed her father and famously is also really a women hater, and tells him she forgives him for killing her father. And then she gets upset and cries when the prideful general who hates women gives her a dressing down and taunts her and is like 'I'm glad I killed your father'? She nearly cries because Ouyang was mean to her (notably only cause he was mean to her and didn't gracefully accept her forgiveness, not because he killed ehr father) and runs off to Zhu. And Zhu responds with 'Wow, he's just a weirdo, everyone likes you and everyone in existance immediately knows you're a good person and you change people.' Which, my friend suggested before she finished the book, was a case of Zhu placating Ma and dismissing her feelings which would be an interesting dynamic.

Really my hangups with this scene come from multiple parts.

1. Ma' few character traits including being observant and reading people really well (a thing she's praised for in book 1) and having good social intuition are completely thrown out by her thinking being alone with ouyang and forgiving him would be a good idea and then her being shocked and upset when he spat on her forgiveness. And

2. Zhu's response is never once treated by the text as her dismissing Ma and placating her, and Zhu's statement despite never being shown to be true before and that moment being the first time it's ever mentioned, ends up becoming Chekov's moral purity by the end of the book, where the plot hinges on Ma being able to magically heal a damaged character's mind enough for Zhu to win in the end. Which I will get back to. There's a lot of other stuff happening between here and the end.

So, before I get back to Ma and her role in the story, I'll address some other bits from after this scene. Both problems and things I enjoyed generally.

Madam Zhang and her parallels to Baoxiang and her being the absolute queen of dissociating really was interesting (before act 3). She was a very compelling character who I completely understood and felt positively about. She had a way more interesting relationship with gender imo than Ma did, especially in book 2. I didn't really like that she was overwhelmingly shown having sexual villence done to her, that felt weirdly like a punishment. But, I did like her a whole bunch, and I liked the look we got into her head. She was probably my second, maybe third, favorite character in the whole book until Act 3.

I really, really liked Ouyangs dynamic and relationship with Zhu. The weird sexual tension between them, their weird kinda nonsexual but also kinda very sexual S&M relationship. It was somehow the most sensual, sexual part of a book that featured Madam Zhang having sex with multiple people, and Zhu going down on Ma, and a lot of other mentions of sex or scenes involving sex. Tbh I feel like, in a way, Ma was left to the sidelines for most of the book because Ouyang became the primary 'love' interest for a hot second there and the only reason Ma could get her spot back was Ouyang and Zbu's separation. Also, from what I've seen when people talk about this book, they always kinda try to express Zhu and Ouyang's dynamic as very nonsexual and nonromantic, as platonic mostly. And there is no inherent superiority of romantic over platonic, but I think to insist that it is only platonic, and not a strange swirl of romantic, platonic, sexual, frustration and relief, and a swirl of familiarity and vulnerability all wrapped into one, is doing the dynamic a bit of a disservice. And ther is, imo, very clearly a subtle hint of romantic intent and interest on Ouyang's part before he realizes Zhu has a body he hates.

Which is also another point I didn't like. Ouyang and Zhu's relationship end felt off. The entire bit with the pirates felt off, but especially how Ouyang found out about Zbu's body, and how Zhu reacted. I think Ouyang finding out second hand, from a combination of being suspicious and from Jiang saying it, was a poor way for that to be revealed. I think there was a better way for that to happen that woyld have felt more like a betrayl to zhu than this did. The fact that Zhu and Ouyang were so in tune and could see each other perfectly, but this one thing was a blind spot for both of them because of how unaffected by gender Zhu was compared to how overaffected by gender Ouyang was is a really interesting thing to explore, an interesting disconnect between two character's whose entire basis for their relationship is 'like recognizes like'. I think Zhu seeing it as a betrayl would have been more impactful if she had presented this informatuon to Ouyang herself and been rejected than how it went down. And, I think her not realizing Ouyang would be disgusted that he felt connected and felt a sameness to someone with a body he found grotesque and that he feared would have been more interesting for zhu, who views herself outside of womanhood and didnt really think that other people would not see her outside of womanhood, if she was the one who told ouyang herself.

Also, less importantly, think going into Ouyangs annoyance that zhu kept moving his target further away was a good move but it wasn't expanded on as much for my taste. I also really liked it when (spoiler) Xu Da dies, and that entire part despite some minir bits, was extremely good in that Zhu finally has tasted loss. She had, up until that point, been riding a wave of positivity, she was the underdog who won over and over again despite all the odds and despite her own reckless choices. So I did appreciate that everything went wrong for her at least once. that would have been, imo if other things were changed, a good place to end a book two in a three book series. Which will make sense as to why I mention it im a bit.

I also didn't like how Ma was nonexistant unless the plot was like 'ok we need to remind people that Ma exists.'

And there's of course other stuff but those are the main points of acts 1 and 2 that i wasn't fond of or that i liked.

Act 3 is a wholely different behemoth which can be encapsulated with 'I wish it was longer but also different' (courtesy of the convo my friend and I had).

My friend and I both agreed that we liked this kind of courtly drama game it was playing. My friend doesn't tend to like the structure or writing style of a lot of the chinese wuxia, danmei, or courtly drama translated books i read, so it was nice to know that the genre content isn't the issue for her there.

The biggest problems I had with the ending though was 1. I think Baoxiang and Ma had an interesting dynamic despite it being really rushed and how distasteful I found the entire concept of Ma being such a good wholesome goody good good person that she could change Baoxiang, quiet his demons and fix him in some way. That was annoying in an otherwise interesting dynamic. And 2. I think Madam Zhang's character traits and cleverness and all that were wiped away to make her inexplicably jealous of Ma in a way that I don't think fit her character and just served to fit a trope of jealous empress who hates the favored concubine.

So, here's my major proposed changes.

1. Ma gets sent to Khanbaliq extremely early on. Like, act one maybe after ouyang is captured early. This serves three purposes. A. Ma has something to do and is more present in the story. this could be a good xhance to let her actually feel frustrated or upset at Zhu in some tangible way that needs to be resolved or talked thru eventually. B. she gets more time to build a relationship with Baoxiang, whose entire defeat hinges on him having a strong connection with her. and C. Her absence in the other parts of the book feel less like she's being ignored or forgotten. It makes Zhu's lack of haste more than just a way to annoy Ouyang, and turns it into an interesting moral choice. Should she rush to Khanbaliq to save Ma or trust that Ma will be ok in favor of gaining power? Her lack of haste means Ouyang leaves, depressed, and she loses Xu Da, all while she doesn't even have the assurance that Ma is ok, she is truly at her lowest point with nobody with her. If Ma is in Khanbaliq and that's explored, then Zhu and Ouyang can also explore their dynamic without Ma feeling a bit like she is battling for Zhu's attention.

2. Madam Zhang is suspicious of Ma, or feels actually tangibly threatened by Ma. In act 3, Madam Zhang's anger towards Ma feels really out of place. She got exactly what she wants, she is empress, her emperor isn't interested in removing her from her position and her position isn't threatened by anyone. Baoxiang won't get rid of her, he won't demote her, he has shown zero sign of ever even considering it. So, why is Madam Zhang jealous of Ma? Imo, especially since she very clearly has dissociated into oblivion and has no love or affection for anyone anymore, and no real desire or motivation to secure her position further aside from maybe producing an heir to make sure shes taken care of after Baoxiang dies, there's no reason for her to be inextricably jealous of Ma. It kinda just erases all of Madam Zhang's political savvy and cunning into jealous, petty woman, and that sucks. If she was suspicious of Ma's intention, or Baoxiang genuinely expressed spmething that actively threatened her position, her hatred of Ma would make sense, but instead she hates Ma cause Ma is ugly and spends every night with Baoxiang. She hated rice buckets concubine cause that concubine used a lot of funds and competition genuinely made her position less stable. She needs better motivation for hating Ma.

3. As I mentioned earlier, Zhu needs to be the one to tell Ouyang that she does not have a dick. That's just all around better, it feels more like a betrayl to bare your secrets and be rejected, etc etc.

4. The duology should have been a trilogy, with book 3 starting when Zhu is at her lowest, ouyang is dead, ma is in khanbaliq, Xu Da is dead, a new guy is the emperor. This is where a book three should have started. in a series that has so many important characters, i feel like it needs more space. she's in a 10 gallon tank when really she needs a 30 gallon tank. Lots of it, especially towards the end of book 2, felt rushed and the extra book will absolutely push that back a bit and make it less rushed.

Anyways that's my critique of The Radiant emperor duology. Once Again, I liked the series, its one of my favorites i've read all year. I don't dislike it, and having a critique or opinion about something doesnt mean I didn't like the book or understand the book (because obviously if i understood it i would understand why its flawless). I liked it, there are things I wish were different, that's it.

[jaarijani]

Käärijä Antwerp gig recap!!!

I HAVE THOUGHTS of course i do i dont shut the hell up ever you should know this about me by now

i arrived there at around 9 am bc of train delays but there were only 10 people there then and for the longest time it was just the 15 of us so 15 gang ily sm!!! i loved sitting and chatting with all of you you made those 10+ hours go by SO FAST ❤️❤️❤️

the tour bus arrived at around 12ish and we all stood around for a while until they finally came out

häärijä BEELINED to Ed, ignoring us completely, it was so funny

he was so sweet oh my god i love him 💛

while he distracted us Jere sneaked off the bus

as Jere walked back to the bus i saw him wave so i waved back and he came over to say hi!!! right in front of me!!! he was so sweet too 😭💚

you cannot comprehend how beautiful this man is irl oh my god

sidenote: he was SO surprised some of us woke up super early to travel all the way from the Netherlands

people started giving gifts and asking for pics and he said to form a line so we could all have a pic and he called himself santa claus lmao

i have the forbidden knowledge of Jeres height as he's exactly as tall as me 😈

OKAY THE ACTUAL GIG

it was so amazing???

his energy is so good and the audience matched him SO well today

he was CLEARLY feeling so much better today he was so happy and smiley and he seemed genuinely surprised by how crazy we were

we chanted käärijä after almost every song

VOITTAJA CHANT

i blacked out during hirttää kinni???? it was so good and its my fav at he moment and suddenly we were done??? no wait take me back

he talked about huhhahhei and said "when two guys go on a love boat together" paraphrasing but sIR!!!

AND THEN he did a whole bit about bojan again? he sang a little song wondering where he was and that he misses him and JERE PLEASE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

i have a video of this btw

Emilia fucking SLAPPED icip again holy shit she matched his energy perfectly

i feel like he didnt want to go again!!! he just stayed and talked about doing what you love and being true to youself WHILE the reggae mix was playing

it was so fun so good i had an amazing time 💚💚💚💚💚 and am low key considering going to finland next year

also shout out to Ed @submariini and his amazing Häärijadar bc we share the same birthday??!!!! october 29 babeyy

[purplecladmerchant]

this sucks so bad i need to (remembers suicide jokes only make my mental health worse) help someone else right now

[northern-passage]

i wrote a 500 word dynamic poem for neo-twiny jam :-)

i rewrote this in a few different ways with a handful of different drafts before settling on just doing a poem; this originally came from a full branching narrative i've had stewing for a while, and i might come back to it one day. but for now i enjoyed channeling that into this poem, which has also been very influenced by the fact that i've been writing hungry vampires for almost 2 months now.... it was also my first time messing with audio in twine, which ended up being way easier than i expected (i'm sure it helped that i only used one audio sample tho)

faith does contain sexual content, and while not super explicit, it is the main theme of the poem.

anyways hope you enjoy and check out the other entries here!

[pjlotrhhjeml]

it would be amazing if there were more reader insert that have a storyline about being family from your confort characters

[13eyond13]

actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

[reapersmarch]

there is thunder in our hearts

The room Bel is confined to could barely be called that—it had four walls, a bed, a small end table. It even had a window that faced the woods and mostly abandoned industrial park. In the loosest sense of the word, it was certainly a room in the crumbling remains of the office building he was using as a base. It was drafty, cramped, and creaky, and couldn’t remotely compare to his apartment, but, again, it had four walls and a bed, and most importantly—it was secure.

Bel would be loath to call it safe. Nowhere was really safe any longer.

That all went out the metaphorical window after the meeting with Hollow Ground.

If he was being honest with himself, it had probably gone sideways much earlier than that. He’d been sloppy. Not with his work, he prided himself far too much to allow himself to be caught that way. He’d been careful all the way through, covering tracks, obfuscating what he could, misdirecting and pulling the strings in safer, subtler ways that would leave his identity completely obscured.

But then he told Argent.

And he was lucky—really fucking lucky. She should’ve killed him, and would’ve been within her rights to, but she didn’t. Who the hell knew why. Respect? Understanding? To pull a fast one on him later? He couldn’t say, but she knew his secret, he knew hers. Mutually assured destruction, should it ever come down to it. He didn’t think it would, but he also didn’t think he’d be brought back from the brink of death—again.

If Bel was being completely honest with himself, the whole thing had been fucked from minute one.

He didn’t want to get involved with the Rangers again. Didn’t want to be a hero, didn’t want to help, didn’t want to see him or talk to him or be near him or—

Of all the places in all the world, why that diner at that time on that day? The worst thing that could’ve happened to him.

The best thing, too.

Bel should’ve said no. He really, really should’ve pushed back harder, been firmer about boundaries, kicked and screamed and tantrumed until Ricardo left him alone. He’d been so careful about keeping a hard divide between his two lives; Entropy could not be Bel, and Bel could not be Entropy. But for every wall he built higher, Ricardo found its weak point, and Bel… God, he wanted to be found.

It didn’t matter how much he fought against it, he wanted Ricardo to find him. Catch him. See him. Save him. The number of times it sat bitterly on his tongue, died in his throat, it’s me it’s me I’m Entropy it’s ME, replaced instead with a tight-lipped smile and a topic change. If he knew, would it have made things easier? Harder? Better? Worse?

Did it matter?

He couldn’t take any of it back.

He’d purposely bared his throat and let the wolf tear it out, just to feel its warmth before he bled out.

“I’m back.”

Bel flinches instinctively as a paper coffee cup settles quietly on the end table beside him. Again. Snuck up on him again. His fingers dig harder into his arm. He pulls his attention away from the window to glance over, trying to will the tension out of his shoulders.

“That’s where you went?” he asks blandly.

“Well, you need to eat.”

“I’m not h—”

“Bel. You need to eat.”

With a frustrated sigh and barely restrained roll of his eyes, Bel snatches the paper bag from the table and picks at the croissant inside, tearing it apart anxiously.

“…Thanks.” 

Ricardo shrugs and pulls a chair over, sinking into it with his arms crossed. It had been like this the entire time since—awkward. Tense. Uncomfortable. Even with things considerably settled from the initial break out, they never got better. How could they? Bel didn’t want to talk, and Ricardo didn’t know what to say. It was a special kind of hell, being trapped in a room with the first and last person in the world you want with you.

Careful what you wish for.

“You know,” he starts, and Bel lifts his eyes to acknowledge the conversation, fingers still moving nervously. “For a guy who can’t go anywhere, I really have to back you into a corner just to get you to talk to me.”

Bel scoffs out a sardonic laugh. “What do you want me to say, Ricardo? What is there to say?”

“What isn’t there to say?” he shoots back. Bel scowls and turns to face the window again. “You can’t keep locking me out, Red. Not again. You told me that I remind you of the worst time in your life, and we’re just not supposed to bring that up?”

“I can’t help that, Ricardo.”

“Neither can I, Bel.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” “Well, I do! Bel—” Ricardo cuts himself off with a sigh, running a hand down his face. “We can’t just… I don’t know. Leave it there. You said—”

“I know what I said,” he interrupts lowly. “You don’t need to remind me.”

“Apparently, I do, because you act like it isn’t true.”

Bel scrubs both hands over his face before burying it in them completely for a moment. When he lifts his head again, eyes glassy and red, it’s to stare at the ceiling. He exhales, long and slow, then turns towards Ricardo again.

“Okay. Fine. Let’s talk.” Bel tosses his hands in the air. “Let’s start with the elephant in the room,” he continues. “I am in love with you, and that’s terrifying. Okay. Talk over.”

Ricardo groans, waving a hand dismissively. “Oh, Bel, knock it off and be serious about this.”

“What else can I say? Ricardo?” Bel laughs mirthlessly. “Do you want me to lay it all on the table? Play therapist for a minute? Okay, fine. Let’s lay it out then.”

He sets everything aside to sit up properly.

“I’m in love with you, and that’s terrifying for so many different reasons. Should I list them? How about, ‘I don’t know if I’m allowed to be’? How about, ‘I don’t count as a real person, so what reason would you have to be with me’? How about, ‘I knocked the shit out of you’?—sorry, for that one, by the way.” Ricardo actually manages a snort at this. “Ric, I’m not… I was never supposed to be one of you. I’m not one of you. It doesn’t matter what you insist on, I’m a fucking… this!”

Bel yanks his sleeve up to his elbow, revealing rows of orange against pale skin.

“I’m not supposed to do or say or be anything other than what I was expected to be, and that’s—do you know what that does to you? To question every day if this is all manufactured or genuine? And that is nothing to say of—” he taps a finger against his temple. “I wish I could predict you. I wish I knew what you were thinking, but I like that I don’t. That’s the oxymoron of it all,” he says. “I just… hate that it feels like a threat.”

They sit there, staring at one another for a moment, silence stretching between them for an eternity, like a taut rope waiting to snap. Their contest drags out for a few seconds, and then a few seconds more, before Bel tears his eyes away to return to staring out the window, deflated. The treeline wasn’t very interesting, but it was better than dealing with this.

When they go to speak again, they start at the same time.

“Listen—”

“Look, I—”

A beat.

Then, “What do you want, Bel?”

Bel turns back, brow furrowed in annoyance. “What?”

“What do you want?” Ricardo repeats. He uncrosses his legs and leans forward, elbows rested on his knees. 

“That’s a loaded question if ever I’ve heard one.”

“No, it isn’t. Don’t think that hard. What do you want?”

The laundry list of things Bel wanted was extensive��functionality of his legs again, for one. A cigarette, for two. A stiff drink, a hot shower, a bed that didn’t feel like a stone slab. A bullet to the head.

That collision should’ve killed him. It would’ve been easier than this.

“You, you fucking moron,” Bel grits out instead. “I want you.”

“Then stop fighting me, Red.”

Ricardo’s hand hesitantly moves towards his, then stops, fingers folding in on themselves. It’s as though he’s not sure if this is allowed. Is he allowed to reach out like this, so familiar as you once were? Does he have any right? The bed shifts as Ricardo settles carefully next to him instead, shoulders grazing, and this close, Bel shatters. His head lands heavily on his shoulder, face still turned toward the window. 

“I don’t know how,” he says quietly. His entire life, Bel has been in a constant state of fight or flight, backed into a corner with a kind of prey animal rage just to survive. Survive, by any means necessary. Survive, even if it costs you. Survive, because you can’t die until you’ve lanced the pus filled boil that’s spent seven years growing.

You might die in the process anyway, but at least you went down swinging.

“I already lost you once, nearly lost you a second time,” Ricardo tells him. “Don’t let me lose you a third time.”

“I’m not in the business of making promises I can’t keep.”

“Try.”

[definitelynotshouting]

TJ OMFG. I FINALLY RECOVERED FROM SCAR WIN ONLY FOR YOU TO DROP *THAT*!! WTF

Holy fucking shit that win had me so ecstatic. Ive been wanting a Scar win for AGES. He deserves this so much man went absolutely insane

Also your fic. Beautiful but also *head in hands* them 🥺🥺 <33

-☀️

SCAR WIN MAKE ME LOSE CONTROL ITS LIKE THE MF POSSESSED ME

Okay the funniest thing abt the fic i wrote this morning is that i legit dreamed it before ever seeing Scar won. I was dozing and trying to get some more sleep and the scene where Grian says "I've hurt you a lot, Scar" and Scar replies "I know" just sprung fully formed in my brain like fuckign. Athena, good gods. Woke up like "fuck man i gotta jot this down" AND I HAD BEEN TAGGED IN SCAR WIN......... if i had a FUCKING NICKEL.

Im so happy rn fr like i just cant even process it and all the art is GOLD ohhghhb im so excited Scar win my beloved my cinnamon apple, i cherish this forever theres something so crazy bittersweet about him finally joining the ranks

[tankerfishthesimp]

sometimes i thank fuck a few years ago that did not happen and my mother did not follow her thoughts

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[smoosnoom]

i have a sprained ankle and a messy room and im sitting on the floor with my laptop that feels 200° degrees in my lap . best believe i am getting thru writing this godforsaken kiss scene even if it kills me

[orcelito]

I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.

[kj-munch]

new pfp new mee babyyy trying to remind myself that this is MY account i can do what i want with it . disconnecting myself from the madcom theme, ill still be drawing it ofc but like i mentioned on another post a weekish back i want to allow myself to post non madcom art too. hoping to start drawing more frequently again soon