#girl what in the goddamn fuck /pos

[definitelynotshouting]

TJ OMFG. I FINALLY RECOVERED FROM SCAR WIN ONLY FOR YOU TO DROP *THAT*!! WTF

Holy fucking shit that win had me so ecstatic. Ive been wanting a Scar win for AGES. He deserves this so much man went absolutely insane

Also your fic. Beautiful but also *head in hands* them 🥺🥺 <33

-☀️

SCAR WIN MAKE ME LOSE CONTROL ITS LIKE THE MF POSSESSED ME

Okay the funniest thing abt the fic i wrote this morning is that i legit dreamed it before ever seeing Scar won. I was dozing and trying to get some more sleep and the scene where Grian says "I've hurt you a lot, Scar" and Scar replies "I know" just sprung fully formed in my brain like fuckign. Athena, good gods. Woke up like "fuck man i gotta jot this down" AND I HAD BEEN TAGGED IN SCAR WIN......... if i had a FUCKING NICKEL.

Im so happy rn fr like i just cant even process it and all the art is GOLD ohhghhb im so excited Scar win my beloved my cinnamon apple, i cherish this forever theres something so crazy bittersweet about him finally joining the ranks

[nightly-ruse]

I think I may be a little odd

[cyberdragoninfinity]

wild dana spotted howling and barking about yugioh arc-v out in the parking lot

oh BOY oh boy it's bout that time again. i can't believe it's been OVER A YEAR (?!?!?) since i last did one of these 'i just finished a yugioh here's my little rambly retrospective about it' posts but we are BACK!!! Finished my first ever watch-through of Arc-V last Tuesday after some 8 months of it putting me through the spin cycle and now as it's wedging itself permanently into my psyche i need to talk about its Everything or i will explode. so LET'S SWING INTO ACTION!!! I'M TAKING CONTROL OF THIS DUEL STARTING NOW!!!

[SPOILERS ahead for this decade old anime, of course]

WOW. YUGIOH ARC-V, HUH. before i started it watching it, I knew two things: A.) every single bit of knowledge I'd learned about it from Duel Links events or otherwise had me so, so, unbeliebable fucking hyped. I was absolutely certain this Yugioh was going to be so full of Danabait and completely fry my brain like an egg on the griddle. I had to physically restrain myself for TWO YEARS to keep from jumping the gun and watching Arc-V before I'd finished all the series before it (a decision I'm ultimately thankful for--Arc-V hits kind of fuckign crazy as a chaser to four other yugiohs.). And also, B.) when people Talk About Arc-V they always talk about it in a Very Particular Way. like. it's hard to describe. I feel like you know it when you see it. There is the full range of human emotion in the way people talk about Arc-V. People talk about Arc-V like its a confusing, malicious specter haunting their living room. And this admittedly got me even more hyped to watch it.

And then I watched it and here I am and I KNOW NOW. I KNOW NOW WHY PEOPLE. TALK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT. FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. SLASH POS. SLASH NEG. SLASH SECRET THIRD THING.

Arc-V is a fucking MESS. It starts out SO strong and then it starts setting plot threads on fire and writing conceptual checks it absolutely cannot cash. It falls down the narrative stairs like it has a goddamn death wish. It introduces 342052805 characters and then forgets to do anything with 99% of them. It does things to its girl characters that makes the back half of 5Ds's girl writing failure look like the height of feminist theory. If the stories I've heard about its deeply troubled production are any indication it is some kind of MIRACLE this show got made and aired at ALL. IT'S LIKE WATCHING A CAR WEAVING THROUGH TRAFFIC AT 90 MPH ONLY TO PLOW DIRECTLY INTO THE SIDE OF A PARTY CITY.

and goddamn if I didn't have a FUCKING BLAST watching it. GODDAMN IF I DIDNT HAVE SO, SO MUCH FUN. goddamn if Arc-V might very well end up being my FAVORITE yugioh out of ALL of them when all is said and done. WHOOOOOPSSS!!! 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

like. imo Zexal is absolutely from a quality/art direction/narrative/everything standpoint leaps and bounds better than Arc-V. Definitely one of my favorite cartoons I've ever seen period, and most people should give it a shot. Such a beautiful work of art. But Arc-V....... girl they put something In this one. My pre-show hype was absolutely warranted. This show is just one blast of Shit That Makes Dana Crazy after another. Every character absolutely delights me and is my best friend. I'm going to be losing my mind over Yugioh Arc-V for the rest of the year and maybe forever.

As usual I primarily watched the dub, with some sub episodes sprinkled in if I got tipped off about a big change, or just if I wanted to see what was going on back there. (glad I did, of course, for a number of reason--least of all that Arc-V's OPs and EDs are SO fun and so charming!!) (THOUGH SIDE NOTE: THE DUB OPENING SHREDS SO HARD IM SORRY. IT'S UP THERE WITH THE GX DUB OPENING FOR ME. CAN YOU FEEL THE FUCKING POWER!!!!!) Anyway, gotta say, really was blown away by this dub!! It's tied with Zexal for what's imo the 'best' yugioh dub--the majority of the voice performances were just fantastic (truly all the love in my heart for Michael Liscio Jr.'s performances as the yuboys, they all have such unique and charming voices and im OBSESSED WITH THEM.) and having watched some sub eps side by side with the dub it's really cool seeing a dub that genuinely tried to faithfully translate Most of the Original. idk it's just a really solid localization to me!! I loved it a lot!! ALSO IT'S EXTREMELY FUNNY. I SAY THIS ABOUT EVERY DUB BUT IT'S TRUE. there are line reads in the arc-v dub that have me SOBLAUGHING.

anyway. I like to do these little subsection breakdowns in these little retrospective roundups, so let's get into the weeds with it:

Stuff I Didn't Like: loooooooooong inhale through my nose. looks at you with mildly pained eyes. alright. let's get this one over with.

though I did really try to go in as blind as I could/avoid most spoilers with this one, I did inevitably get spoiled by some things from Duel Links, but in the case of. uh. Riley Getting Turned Back Into a Baby At the End. 👶🏼 I AM glad I had that spoiled for me, so I knew it was coming. Because if I didn't know that was going to happen and that clocked me over the head I would have been on the NEWS. I WOULD HAVE BEEN, SO MAD. HEY, YUGIOH: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼👶🏼 WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO RILEY!!!!

"character gets permanently turned back into a baby for Critical Plot Reasons" has gotta be one of my LEAST favorite tropes in anything, it's NEVER GOOD. AND IT'S ESPECIALLY BAD HERE!!! Riley is such a good character, he's got such an interesting arc going on, and THEY JUST RIP THAT TO PIECES. SO RILEY'S JUST FUCKING GONE NOW I GUESS. COOL. ALRIGHT. SURELY THERE COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WAYS TO DEFEAT ZARC. SURELY. just. good GOD. it was a small miracle to me when this happened like 8 episodes before the end, it was like ripping the bandaid off early, it was like "oh thank christ i got past that. ok well whatever happens it cannot possibly be as bad as the shit they did to riley"

^ (and imo it wasnt. thank GOD. actually let's talk about that)

LIKE. MAKE NO MISTAKE ARC-V'S ENDING IS CONFUSING AND CLUMSY AND SO STUPID AND NOT GOOD. WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DOES THIS SERIES NEED EIGHT EPISODES AFTER ITS BIG BAD DUEL.WE COULD HAVE WRAPPED THIS UP IN 2-3!!!! it feels like watching Chopped and the contestant has 20 seconds on the clock left and theyre like "i gotta make my whipped cream" like WEEEE DONT NOT HAVE TIMEEE FOR THAT!!!!! WHAT ARE WE DOINGGGG. why are we dueling jack AGAIN. FOR TWO EPISODES. EVERYONE IS YELLING AT YUYA LIKE ALL OF THIS IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND FUCKING IS IT??!?!??! HE'S 14. AND THEN THOSE EPISODES HAVE THE GALL TO THROW SO MANY COOL IDEAS ON THE TABLE (Gong fully exploring dueltaining, the Dimensional Highway, etc) AND IT'S LIKE. COOL!! WISH WE COULDVE HAD THIS ANY OTHER TIME THAN THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!!! WHAT ARE WE DOINGGGG

BUT all that being said, the way people talk about that fucking last episode I was expecting some genuinely godawful 'zuzu is yuyas mom again like in the manga' tier absolute nightmare scenario. i literally made a secret prediction chart of what insane plot twist i assumed the last episode was going to drop on me.

AND THEN THE LAST EPISODE WAS JUST. FUNNYBAD. just a run of the mill whimper at the end of eight episodes we KIND OF REALLY DID NOT NEED. THE SHEER AMOUNT OF RELIEF I FELT. like absolutely i think going into it completely blind/encountering that ending watching live I would have been pissed, folks are rightfully frustrated with it, but I WAS TRULY. EXPECTING MUCH WORSE. IT ENDS LIKE A FAKE TUMBLR POST. "AND THEN EVERYONE CLAPPED" ASS ENDING. I DO HAVE TO LAUGH

^ YIPPEEEE SIX CHARACTERS HAVE EFFECTIVELY STOPPED EXISTING YAAAAAYY (😬😬😬😬)

ALSO, IN GENERAL. SPEAKING OF. GOD. THE BRACELET GIRLS. YALL ARE SO COOL AND THEN POOR LULU AND RIN DIDNT GET TO DO A GODDAMN THING EXCEPT HAVE WORMS IN THEIR BRAINS!!!! HELL ON EARTH!!!!!! WHY DID THEY DO THATTTT GAHHHHH again!! show that introduces SO many characters, so many FUCKING COOL CHARACTERS, and then does NOTHING with them. Or hits them with PARALYZING NERVE GAS FOR 20 EPISODES. CHRIST!!! WHY DO ARC-V GIRLS SUFFER MORE THAN JESUS. LEAVE MY GIRL ZUZU ALONEEEEE

TO THAT END, ARC-V JUST MAKES; SO MANY CONFUSING CHARACTER DECISIONS. AND CHOICES. why is Yuto just out of the picture for like 60 episodes!!! Let him be Yuya's brain buddy!!! WHY WASNT HE. DID YOU NOT WANNA ANIMATE HIM FLOATING NEXT TO THE DUEL RUNNER??! BE REAL. It's like. GRAHHH In general Arc-V has a pacing problem that is like. Atrocious even for yugioh's bad pacing problems. This series needed to be 400 episodes long. I like the IDEA of a yugioh with a big cast, spending episodes cutting between different groups of characters like some kind of bulky YA fantasy novel, but in practice it got. Real Muddy. RIP Xyz dimension arc you shoulda had so much more to you. And then there's that combined with this way it's trying Really Really hard to ape the themes of the past yugiohs ('dont forget to have fun,' grief/moving on after loss, classism) but it's hitting every damn branch on the way down and just completely fumbling ALL of them, it's not actually doing much to Earn being able to have those kind of themes resonate properly. IT'S SUCH A BAFFLING SHOW. IN THE THEMES DEPARTMENT. AMONG OTHER THINGS. "DONT EVER BE VISIBLY PUBLICLY SAD" IS A FUCKING INSANE MORAL. AND IT TAKES THAT SHIT WITH IT TO THE BITTER END. WHY IS THE FATE OF THE WORLD HINGED ON YUYA MAKING A BABY LAUGH. WHERE AM I!!!!

god. god. ok. ok im calm now. im sure in the coming weeks i'll have more barking about arc-v's various fumbles. but i'll leave it at that for now, i wanna talk about stuff i DID like now lol

Favorite Season/Arc: ok well. this actually is a hard question. um. hrm. LIKE. I'LL GET SHOT BY SNIPERS IF I SAY IT WAS SYNCHRO ARC BUT ALSO

IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYY I GOT THAT DOG IN ME (A BACK HALF OF 5D'S LIKER'S SOUL.) and unfortunately I WILL go in there and think about it that hard (the absolutely fucked to hell sociopolitical situation happening in Arc-V New Domino City and how it contrasts with the NDC in 5D's) (one thing about me I love weird fucked up yugioh old people I love those bitchass old centrists apparently governing the entire dimension and doing a piss poor job of it it's just like contemporary American politics!!!!!!) ROGET WAS JUST REANIMATING DEAD PEOPLE AND PUTTING MIND CONTROL CYBERNETICS IN THEM AND WELL YEAH SURE I'LL BE NORMAL GRIP ABOUT THAT. NORMAL. i need to make an arc-v AU Aporia so fucking bad THEN YOULL ALL SEE *talking to empty room*

YES synchro was way too fucking long. but regretfully i love turbo duels and will never not be charmed when yugioh puts guys on motorcycles that have no business being on motorcycles. DAMN I JUST FUCKING WISH YUYA AND YUGO GOT TO ACTUALLY TALK AND MEET IN THE SAME ROOM THOUGH!!!! BUT ANYWAY!!!!

im. kidding at least a little, I actually thoroughly enjoyed like...all of Arc-V's seasons/arcs at least a little (barring a lot of the Weird Post Zarc Duel 8 Episode Dead Zone.) The first 50 episodes really are just peak banger Yugioh, I do love action duels to absolute bits (though Action Spells. Uh. Need Some Workshopping 8| If I See Evasion One More Time Im Gonna Lose It) and the shit especially that first season does with the crazy Action Fields is AWESOME. GENUINELY. GO DUEL IN THE VOLCANO. DO A FLIP. RIDE YOUR MONSTER. it's practically running on Pokemon universe logic i cant NOT love it. And well Fusion Dimension arc does just have a whole lot of episodes that make me go cuckoo bananas crazy. Truly something for Dana in every crevice of Yugioh Arc-V.

Favorite Characters: god I do think like a solid half of why I think Arc-V may be becoming my top fav Yugioh is that the cast is just, really Really fucking good. Like yes so many of them are underutilized but the time we Do get with them really just shows off what delightful characters they all are. Half the reason it took me so damn long to finish was I was having so much fun and was going to miss seeing them!! IT'S GENUINELY HARD TO PICK A TOP LINEUP OF FAVS. THERE'S SO MANY DANABAIT GUYS IN YUGIOH ARC-V. YES EVEN THE SYNCHRO ARC GUYS. LUCAS SWANK I MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

The Lancers alone are SO good, theyre up there with Team 5D's in terms of Favorite "Main Yugioh 'Friend Group'/Organization". Group of guys who kind of have horrible synergy and only like 3 of them are actually competent. Declan came up with it when he was 13. Funniest group of teenagers imaginable, I love them all. LIKE .YUYA MAY BE MY FAVORITE YUTAGONIST??? IM NOT SURE YET BUT. I DO LOVE HIM A LOT. HE'S A PATHETIC WET PAPER TOWEL AND I WANT TO GIVE HIM A NOOGIE. SLASH POS.

And I mean I'm always gonna be Z-one biased but I do like Zarc as a Big Bad a lot too... damn if I don't love Just Some Guy Has Become God and Is a Huge Tool About It <3 WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS!!!!

ah. but. of course. i'd be remiss if i didn't bring up. Rainbow Carrot Rock Your World.

hey guys. why'd it happen again. why'd the Yugioh Carrot and Company get in my head and completely fry my brain AGAIN!!!!!!!! ORANGE CARROT. PURPLE CARROT. YELLOW CARROT!!!!🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕 YUGO ISNT EVEN MY TOP FAV BUT HE'S IN MY HEART AND IN OUR HOUSE FOREVER NOW. meanwhile i dont want. to talk about what yuri is doing to me. if i think too hard about this little purple freak i'll start going bonkers ballistic chewing my leg off. I like all the yuboys but he is especially. Gripping Me. La Cucaracha Loca. My shithead gay son.

dennis needs his own post he's just. a Lot. may very well be one of the funniest yugioh characters ever. Among Other Things. his dub VA's performance needs to be marked as culturally significant. AND THEY JUST KEPT BRINGING HIM BACK.

IN GENERAL, AS I WAS COMPLETELY EXPECTING, FUCKED UP AND EVIL DUEL ACADEMY REALLY DID ME IN I love you Fusion Dimension kids I love getting sick in the head thinking about card game child soldiers.My Actual favorite Arc-V character may just straight up be Sora..... I just like him a lot. He's got a really solid character arc, his deck rules, he's a little fucker AND an absolute real one. Just 10/10 little guy.

GOD WHAT EVEN IS MY TOP FIVE FAVORITES. UHHHH Okay Sora and Yuri for sure, and Declan, I love Declan. Yugo..... god. GOD IS THE FIFTH ONE DENNIS FOR REAL. I FEEL HIM IN MY BRAIN SO BAD. AAAAUUGHHHH (Runners Up: Yuya, Yuto, GONG MOTHERFUCKING STRONG!!!!!!, Rin my girl my badass mechanic girl IM ON MY WAY. I'LL THINK ABOUT YOU THAT HARD., Riley, Arc-V Aster unfortunately a Dana Guy ever. Why Is He Here. He Didnt Even Go to DA in GX. But all of this is subject to change in coming months as the entire cast continues to hit me with weapons. An honor and a privilege to induct these characters into my Blorbo Hall of Fame)

Favorite Duel: HEY QUICK QUESTION: WHY ARE ARC-V'S DUELS SO FUCKING WEIRD. LIKE. NARRATIVELY. There's like 4352984589 ties and duels that get cut short and DUELS WE JUST NEVER GET TO SEE THE FULL OUTCOME OF ON SCREEN?!?!? WHAT WAS GOING ON THERE. It feels like another symptom of arc-v just desperately trying to bite off more than it can chew 😭 Frustrating!! And god I LOVE the zaniness of Action Duels, but we neeeeeed to do something about Action Spells... GRABBING AN ACTION SPELL SHOULD NOT BE THE CRUTCH OF YOUR WHOLE DECK.........

coughs. anyway. My actual honest to god favorite Arc-V duel is Yugo vs. Celina in the Friendship Cup <3 IVE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE BUT IT'S JUST SUCH A FUN ONE. It's got some great character moments on both sides, a yugioh girl Getting to Be Cool, the colors are gorgeous, it's SO funny, I just get such a kick out of it....I think part of what I Do like about the Friendship Cup is it really shows this sense of kinetic energy that the WRGP in 5D's really needed. I also really like the Shay vs. Dennis Friendship Cup duel for just going completely off the rails. Blow Up This War Criminal and The Whole Stadium With the Giant Bird Satellite Cannon. DOES NOT GET MORE YUGIOH THAN THAT!!

for all its weirdness Arc-V has a LOT of really fun duels that i enjoy--Shay vs. Sora is beloved for a reason, it also goes hard as hell. So many Season 1 duels are just a goofy blast, I really need to rewatch the quiz show one. For as much of an unnecessary mess as those last 8 episodes are, I DO really like Yuya and Dennis's duel too (THAT GETS REALLY REALLY GAY AT THE END???!?!? ARE WE ALL SEEING THIS.)

Hell even the Zarc duel started making me kind of sick in the head--watching Yuya's friends passing around his pendulum necklace while trying to save him makes me turbo emo WHAT CAN I SAY!!!

Arc-V also has the thing I had with Zexal where there's just some individual episodes that are absolute bangers for me. i love the Prison Break episode, it's fucking INSANE. HIP HIPPO SAID FUCK COPS FUCK THE PRISON SYSTEM!!! I love the episode where Gong and Dennis duel. FOR HOW LONG IT DID DRAG SYNCHRO HAS SOME REALLY FUN ONE-OFF EPISODES which I just really enjoy. Also love when Zuzu and Sora beat the shit out of a pack of cops. Based for that for real.

i do also love Yuri and Yuya's duel. Of course.

Other Miscellaneous Gushing/Shrieking/Losing My Mind About Yugioh Arc-V For Good and Bad and Everything in Between: arc-v arc-veeeeee yugioh arc-fiveeee theres just so MUCH. TO TALK ABOUT. THIS ONE'S GONNA BE IN MY HEAD FOR EONS I FEAR. THINKING ABOUT THE EVERYTHING. The sheer amount of narrative traits that make me specifically lose my mind (in a good way. as opposed to. the babyfication making me lose my mind. in a Real Bad Way :////) that they crammed into this. It's like digging in the treasure chest of elaborate fanfics I was writing in my brain in freshman year of high school. The Sick and Twisted Evil AU Version of Duel Academy. The Trained to Be Weapons Child Soldiers. Mind Control Reanimated Corpse Brain Chip. Alternate Dimension Selves. All of the Split Different Dimension Bullshit. Soul Splitting and Soul Fusion Framed as Fucking Terrifying. It's good I didn't have Arc-V growing up it would have been doing IRREVERSIBLE THINGS TO MY DEVELOPING CREATIVE BRAIN. INSTEAD IT'S DOING THEM TO ME NOW.

(side note, re: terrifying soul fusion: Arc-V is SO FUCKING SCARY SOMETIMES?!?? Like "ohh i wish yugioh was still a horror story" DAWG ARC-V ROUTINELY HAS SOME OF THE MOST DREAD-INDUCING CONCEPTS GETTING FLUNG AT YOU AT 90 MPH. SKIP BOYLE FORGETS HIS DAUGHTER EXISTED AND IT'S ONE OF THE MOST HEARTBREAKINGLY HORRIFYING THINGS IVE EVER SEEEEENNNNN )

The shit Arc-V does with Yugioh's themes of identity, these "when does a piece of yourself stop being you and start being their own person?" "what happens when multiple free standing people are one person" type ideas, you KNOW that makes my Aporia Turbofan ass go CRAAAZYYYY. AND THEN IT HAD RELIGIOUS MOTIFS TOO <3333 YOU'RE ME AND IM YOU AND IT DOESNT MATTER WHO DOES WHAT THE DEVIL WILL COME BACK REGARDLESS 😊💞💞💞

Arc-V takes such bold swings at things and 95% of the time it misses the ball entirely and spins up and out and directly into the fireplace but that 5% of sheer genius and thematic weight hits like a truck. Is Arc-V good? FUCK IF I KNOW. PROBABLY NOT. BUT ALSO YES IT IS. BUT ALSO IT'S NOT. BUT ALSO IT'S SOMETHING SO SPECIAL, AND I LOVE IT. That first like 50 episodes makes for such a good yugioh starter course tbh, the way it goes over different summoning methods and is very engaging and energetic, and then the rest of the show is an 18 car pileup of Card Game War that makes me automatically like DONT. START WITH THIS ONE. WATCH ANOTHER YUGIOH OR TWO FIRST AND THEN COME MELT YOUR BRAIN IN HERE. AND THATS SUCH A WEIRD DICHOTOMY TO HAVE WITH ONE YUGIOH. weird like everything else with arc-v i suppose. :,)

For all the mess and all the madness there truly is so much I love, though. I love the character dynamics, even when the show isnt doing much more with its cast--Yuya and Gong's friendship may be one of my favorite 'yutag and best friend' bonds, it's SO sweet and I'm going to be mad forever that Gong isn't more popular in western ygo fandom. I love the DUEL MONSTERS!! Performapals are SOOOO sillygoofy I have to adore them, the dimensional dragons all kick so much ass I love you Clear Wing my big legless weirdo. I love Shay's increasingly bigger Bird Guns. I LOVE FRIGHTFURS!!!! I LOVE D/D/DS!!!!! SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM ON ESPECIALLY SCREEN AFTER PLAYING THEM FOR MONTHS IN DUEL LINKS. MY FREAKY DECLAN DEMONS. I love the miscellaneous callbacks to past iconic monsters and funky weird AU retrains of the Legacu character's decks. Scarlight Red Dragon Archfiend my friend Scarlight Red Dragon Archfiend

I also do love that Arc-V in theory is trying very hard to be a celebration of past Yugiohs, but it's also instead being completely fucking insane with its 'tributes.' Oh you like Heartland City from Zexal? It's a carpetbombed warzone now! LIKE... HUH!!! When Lazar showed up at the end of season 2 i SCREAMED. I WANT TO KNOW THE LOGIC OF THESE CHOICES. THEY DONT MAKE ME MAD OR ANYTHING REALLY IM JUST FASCINATED BY THEM. i cant really be too angry at arc-v I'm just. transfixed. at every baffling choice it's ever made. I've really truly never seen a show that's so thoroughly felt like some kids doing a roleplay on a forum somewhere, players dropping in and out and mods not really knowing what to do with the lore anymore as things become more and more convoluted. I watch arc-v scenes and i can picture the text RP in my head, the players' forum signatures and all. It's truly some kind of feat to achieve that inherent vibe, that's for sure.

ok im running out of steam i think... what else. god. Yugioh Arc-V is just.... such a teetering Jenga tower of a show, a complete nuclear meltdown of clumsy writing and fantastic vocal performances (dub and sub) and confused handling of its own lore and occasionally some of the fucking coolest most intense expressions and gorgeous shots of any yugioh

I held out on watching it for so long cuz i just fuckin KNEW it was going to grab me by the brain and swing me into the wall and WELL!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!! SHES A MESS BUT SHES MY MESS BABEYYY!!! IS ARC-V GOOD? MAYBE NOT BUT, BROTHER, I FUCKIN LOVE WHEN YUGIOH IS BAD ❤ ive been a disciple of Bad Yugioh for 20 goddamn years and im not stopping now!!!!! I love you Pendulum summoning you insane busted ass mechanic. I love you all four completely fucked up dimensions. I love that they localized Maiami to Paradise City. I love the little nods to past yugioh things (like fusing with a motorcycle <3 Primo Moment...2!) I hate you Leo Akaba explode and die forever (though 'parent going mad trying to bring their child back' do also go me a little bananas.) I love the kickass shots of Yuya's monsters being set in the pendulum scale.I love Sora's relationship with Yuya and Zuzu. I love every fucked up crazyass expression Yuri makes. I love the sense of character design in this show. I love the Action Duel start chants. I love seeing the Synchro Math again and the Overlay Units and the deeply unsettling fusion hand gesture kids use with Polymerization. I love that third ED thats just the Lancers dicking around in different locations and having fun. I love Declan and Riley's complicated but deeply loving bond. I love when characters RIDE THEIR DUEL MONSTERS!!! AND I LOVE THAT DESPITE EVERYTHING I ALREADY WANNA SEE THESE CHARACTERS AGAIN. THEYRE MY FRIENDS!!!!! THEYRE IN MY BRAIN!!!!! MY KIDSSSSS

I KNOW NOW. WHY PEOPLE TALK ABOUT ARC-V LIKE THAT. AND IM ABOUT TO START TALKIN LIKE THAT TOO. YUGIOHHHHHH!!!!!

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 53 - Galway Girl

Summary: Josie has another run in with the law which leads to another revelation. She reaches out to a Savior with the new info. Luke plays his violin. A beloved sassy Scotswoman stuns Josephine on her hunt for the innocent Scotsman. An Irish memory rattles Jo. She and Gerry have a HUGE discussion on many subjects. More comes to light about Megan's attack. Emotions go awry when Gerry learns the truth.

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, mentions of drugs and rape

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

March 22, 2022

The revelation of your ex-fiance's non-infidelity had your mind spinning as you carelessly sped down the freeway, stiff as a board with a white knuckled grip on the wheel and trying not to puke. Over and over, just as you had done 3 years ago, you began dissecting all the events of that painful day when you had awoke to the life altering text that you believed to have been from Gerry. A fabricated text to incriminate him, making it look like he had accidentally sent it to you instead of your sister which put her diabolical plan of entrapment all into motion of deeming him unfaithful and it had worked like a fucking charm. Still etched in your mind as if it were only yesterday, was the look of horror on Gerry's face when you found him in bed with Megan. A look that you now saw in a whole new light and you were so lost in that image that you did not notice the cop parked on the berm of the road, pegging you at 82 miles per hour.

The startling sirens brought you back to the present which you didn't even know where that was at the time, for you had just experienced one of those blackout moments where you didn't remember driving from point A to point B and wondered how you even did it without causing a wreck. You didn't have your seatbelt on either which you didn't realize until after you pulled over.

In your side mirror, you nervously watched the grumpy looking policeman approach your car, wishing it had been Luke because this time, you knew you couldn't cry your way out of it with being almost thirty miles per hour over the speed limit. Was he seriously unsnapping his gun holster???

"License and registration." the officer robotically requested as you rolled your window down.

You fumbled through your purse, then the glove box and handed him the items without question or argument, just wanting to get the humiliating moment over with and go.

He looked over the documents and then eyed you as he asked the usual rhetorical question. "Do you know why I pulled you over miss March?"

"Speeding I assume."

His reply was cocky as car after car sped by, taking advantage of the situation. "You assumed correct. 82 in a 55. Also I see you aren't wearing your seatbelt which is a law in every state other than New Hampshire which you are not in and your tail light is busted out as well which is a non-moving violation and a ticketable offense."

"Wait, what? How did that happen?? Can I go look?"

"You will need to remain in your vehicle while I go back and write up this ticket."

As soon as he was back in his cruiser, you immediately texted Jeffrey.

"I think u were right! Someone was in that car. My tail light is busted out and it wasn't when I was putting my bags in the trunk!"

About 30 seconds went by and he then replied. "Thx for the 411 darlin. Been thinkin bout it more since you dropped me off. Stowaway POS. Prob followed us to the junk yard too. He's toying with us. Busted the light as a warning. Ballsy fucker bit off more than he could goddamn chew. I'll find him and when I do, well I think you know how that will turn out. In the meantime, your best off to stay close to Craig. Sorry bout your trouble, Trouble😉 When you got time, bring your sweet self and that sweet ride to the shop and I'll get that taken care of for you asap. Least I could do for pissin you off. Talk more then."

"Thank u!! I'll text u later to let u know when I can come."

"You're very welcome doll. You can cum anytime."

You huffed and shook your head at his remark and before you could reply, he texted right back.

"Oh damn! Old habits die fucking hard. Told you I'd piss on the floor every now and then. Sorry for the comment. My bad."

You smiled and softly chuckled. "I'll let it slide. At least you're trying. Talk later."

"You rock girl. Later."

Stay close to Craig. Great. Now you had to haul all your stuff back to your apartment instead of going to your mom's as planned... for the time being anyways. You couldn't bring more trouble to her. Megan would surely remain in the hospital for quite sometime anyways and your mom would most likely take up residency in her room. Would they even be safe there though? Elizabeth sure wasn't. You then anxiously texted Luke.

"Hey. Can u please put a guard at Megan's door??? Just to be safe."

His reply was instant and shocking. "Already working on that Jo. No worries. I'm heading there in a few to speak with her as well since I was informed she is awake. Everything ok? Still pissed at me?"

You wanted to be but you just didn't have the energy anymore. "Thank u Luke. For everything. I'm fine. I just want my mom and sister to be safe right now. Please keep me updated."

You wanted to tell him so bad about the bar thugs since they were after him to begin with but you couldn't now that he was a cop. You just didn't know if you could trust him after knowing the little bit you knew about his agent days with Lee. Your list of loyal peers was growing thin anymore.

"I see you've deflected on my last question. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I really am Jo. I'm just trying to turn my life around but all I seem to be doing is making everyone hate me even more. Maybe it was a mistake to even come back here. I wanted to try to fix things and all I do is fuck them up even more. Suppose there's no reform for someone like me. Who am I to be some judge and jury? I'm a loner. Always have been. Better off that way...for everyone involved."

Luke was doing it again and at the worst possible time. Removing the armor and showing his softer side and that was why it was hard to stay angry with him. Just like Lee, he had a sordid past and had been through some bad shit. Knowing what Luke Sr. did to both Luke and Landy, defiling his own sons, was beyond comprehension to you so you couldn't even begin to imagine how that felt for the two wayward brothers. As you stared at your phone, not knowing how to reply to the heart on Luke's sleeve, you nearly jumped out of your skin when the officer appeared at your window, ticket in hand.

"I see that you're the late detective Brady's sister. Good man. So tragic. I am sorry for your loss."

Thinking he may decide to let you off with a warning, you smiled and hoped for the best. "Yes, I am. Thank you. Our family misses him so much."

"Your family, yes. I also am aware that that makes you Jason Morgan's sister. Not a good man, but you know that. He almost took you to the grave with him and here you are, speeding round town like he did on the bike as if you're something special."

"Ex...cuuuse me??!!"

"No, I won't excuse you like you probably thought I was going to just because of your family ties to the precinct."

Oh how you wanted to go all Betty White on him like she did in Lake Placid and call him Officer fuckmeat and then continuing on with her other snarky line of if I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it, but you would certainly be arrested this time if you did.

"Yeah well, I'm also detective Butler's ex- finacee and we're still very close. I'll be sure to tell him about this."

"I can see why it's ex. Lady, I don't care who you are. There won't be any preferential treatment here. Don't break the law. It's really not that hard. Here's your ticket. Have a good day Ma'am."

He handed you your expensive ass ticket with a court date for the following week and walked away as you sat with a gaping mouth.

"Asshole!" you grunted after you rolled up your window, then finally you were on your way, but before you drove off, you quickly texted Lee to tell him you would come to the cemetery but that you would be late. You didn't mention why though. It had nothing to do with the traffic stop and everything to do with the whopper of a secret that Megan confessed. As far as a reply to Luke, he would have to wait.

You called Gerry as you pulled up to the gates of the Kiriakis estate, but once again, he did not answer so you punched in the code for entry that only very few had. Those without the free pass would have to go through the whole rigmarole of identity verification and approval to be buzzed through, for Victor's security was understandably high with being a man of his nefarious stature and corresponding life. He may as well have been considered a celebrity. Of course ALL the other crime families of Salem were like that too.

The property was enormous and endless, consisting mostly of forestry, open country-like land and bayside access surrounding the mansion and one that did not know it well could easily get lost. It took you almost 5 minutes just to drive up the pine tree-lined path to the main house and then another minute to get back to the two story guest house where Gerry resided on the bay which was only a fraction in size of the stately manor. Even though Victor's fancy fortress had as many rooms as a 5 star hotel, Gerry cherished his privacy and wanted nothing to do with all servant bullshit and the tiresome walking involved in getting from room to room...and of course, papa Vic's business dealings. If the reserved detective could live like a hermit in a surfing shack on the beach, he would, for he loved the water and he had actually built one not far from the guest house that you were surprised he hadn't moved into already. It was more of a trailer located where all the good waves were for surfing and if he wasn't doing that, he was working on cars, one of his favorite pastimes. Maybe that's where he had been when he wasn't at the hospital visiting his father?

Once you reached the guest home, there were two cars parked in the front and neither were Gerry's.

You deciphered at least one to most likely be the maid or gardener, for Victor was OCD on the cleanliness and beauty of his grounds. As for the other, no clue. Maybe he had a girlfriend now? That could explain why he wasn't answering your calls.

After parking by the garage, you peaked in the window and saw Gerry's truck inside, so you headed up to the porch and rang the doorbell. There was no answer so you rang it once more and then glanced through the small window panel to see the television on, but no one was there.

"Gerry???!!" you shouted and knocked aggressively. "It's me, Jo!"

Another minute went by and no one came to the door. "Alright. " you sarcastically rationalized out loud as you took out the key you still had. "If you can walk right into my mother's home, I can do the same here."

You crept inside and quietly closed the door, then made your way to the TV, turned it off and called to him once more. "Gerry! Are you here??"

In the silence, you heard the toilet flush from the bathroom around the corner and then the door opened.

"Hallo?" a woman's familiar voice loudly questioned and then in walked Gerry's mother, gasping as she covered her mouth.

"Josephine darlin, in the name of the wee man!" the petite Gaelic woman with salt and pepper hair exclaimed in her strong Scottish accent.

Ironically, her name was Margaret just like your mother's and they both shared a son with Victor. She even had fiery hair like your mother once upon a time which was possibly what attracted Victor to her aside from the identical names and similar accents. The only difference was, she went by Margie and your mother went by Maggie. Margie lived in the Scottish Highlands and rarely visited the states. Gerry had usually went to see her instead, for he didn't like her braving the big Scotland airports alone such as Glasgow and Edinburgh, so you were just as stunned to see her as she was you. She probably came to support her son over Victor's heart attack which now made sense as to why Gerry had fallen off the grid, but it still pissed you off that he couldn't have sent you a simple text instead of ignoring you.

"Margie?? Oh my God is right!"

In the shared excitement, you both bee-lined to each other and embraced. You had surely missed her, for she had always made you feel like a part of her family. She was so kind-hearted and compassionate with a side of Scottish sass and she adored you. Needless to say, she was just as heartbroken as you and Gerry were when you and he had went your separate ways.

"I had no idea you were here Margie. Sorry for just walking in. I rang the bell and knocked but..."

"Oh, I tried to hurry but I was in the cludgie doin my jobby. It's a wee bit bowfin in there, so I would wait awhile if ye need to pee. It might make ye greet." she warned with a grin and a wink, for it literally meant she was taking a very smelly shit, one that would make you cry. She was usually quite frank about everything.

"I haven't been able to reach Gerry lately. When did you get here?"

"About tree days ago. I told my boy I was coming and there was nothin he could do about it so he flew all the long way to Glasgow and swooped me up in the sky on that fancy Kiriakis jet so I wouldn't have to fly alone. Ye know my Gerard, stubborn as an ox just like his Da. Oh goodness it is so guid tae see ye! Are ye well my darlin girl? Ye know I will always think of ye as my daughter no matter whit's happened."

You smiled and held her dishpan hands. "Of course I will always see you as a mother figure and I've certainly had better days."

"Ye do look a wee bit peely wally and ye been greetin. Yer een are red. Dinnae fash yersel. I won't tell."

"Dinner...what?" you giggled. "Sorry, my Gaelic sucks."

"It means don't worry. Nothin to be sorry about. Look who ye learned it from! Although Gerry knows the Celtic tongue, he tends to haver in the lowland Scot's language." she snarked with an eye roll. "But I suppose, like yersel, no one would understand him around here. His accent has weakened too. He tries to emphasize it more when I'm around and he thinks I don't notice the change but I suppose if I saw him more, it wouldn't seem so drastic now would it?"

"No, I suppose not. How is Edward? He didn't come?"

Her infamous Scottish sass surfaced about Gerry's stepfather. "Oh that old numpty craw. The eejit is probably sittin on his arse with his tap aff, wearin his baffies and clyping to the neebs while sippin on his uisge. He didn't want to come and be a proper crabbit around Gerry, but we all know it's because he don't take kindly to Victor and wouldn't be caught dead in his home."

"Have you went to see Victor?"

"HA!" she guffawed and rolled her eyes again. "I don't give a radan's arse about the old bawbag either but let's keep that between you and me. I'm only here to use the rich bastard's free amenities and to be here for Gerry because only the good Lord above knows why he loves that menace to society."

There was another difference between your mother and Margie. Your mom loved Victor. Margie despised him because he could never get over your mother. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Well, I would say your secret's safe with me but it's not like Gerry don't know how you feel. Speaking of, where is he? And.... who's cars are out front? Does he have other guests?"

"If yer hinting around to see if Gerry has some manky hen hiding under his bed, that would be a flat out naw. The only hen in his heart will always be the bonnie lass I'm lookin at, his Galway girl. One of the cars is a rental Gerry got for me so I can come and go as I please. Somebody has got to get the messages around here. Wasn't enough scran for a luch to nibble on. The other is Brady's car, ye know, the son who's name is strangely the same as yer mum's maiden name? or maybe it's Phillip's car? I lose track of all Victor's offspring anymore. All I know is one of his half brothers is here. The skinny malinky long legs and a braw lookin fella there in that picture on the stand. Looks like my Gerard when he was a lad."

You picked it up and chuckled. "Ahh, that would be Phillip, the youngest one. They have the same slanted smile and dimples. Is that where Gerry is? With Phil?"

"Aye, sorry, I don't know where my mind went whit all my haverin. Jetlag has me knackered, sticks with ye longer when yer thairis air a 'bheinn."

You tilted your head at her like a confused puppy. She usually used more of the Scot's English for you but would forget when she was rambling and would blurt out her witty words the way she spoke to Gerry because it was simply what she was accustomed to with being from the highlands. You compared it to playing a game of charades on guessing what she meant.

"Oh sorry darlin. I did it again. It means when yer over the hill. Anyways, Phillip's upstairs sleeping off the lagair. He and Gerry were off their trolley last night after visiting their dunderheid da. Phil got the boke. Poor lad. His heid's mince. He hit a pure whitey come morn. I told him not to have so many swallies but he was determined to keep up with Gerry. My son is out on the docks, up to high doh on fixin the boat while suckin down more of the bevvy and still reefin on those clatty baccy fags, so I've been in here, scrannin ma wee pan in on some mince and tatties, which is whit sent me to the cludgie and I was goin to watch my stories when ye popped in."

She very indiscreetly glanced over your shoulder to see the TV. "Ye mak a better door than a windae. Go on now. Get yer bahookie out there and have yersels a blether. That's whit ye came here for now aye? Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye."

Her smile was devious. You knew she wanted you and Gerry to reconcile but you couldn't even think of things like that when you loved Lee the way you did, but you understood what she last said and you certainly believed it. What's for you will not go by you. There were always signs if you paid attention, which you always did.

With your stomach in knots, you slowly headed out down the lengthy dock where you could see the speed boat up on the lift with Gerry inside of it and you could hear his jeers too, swearing like the Scotsman he truly was.

The day had become dreich as Margie would say and it was getting colder too, even more so out on the water. It felt like a reflection of your emotions. The calm before the storm that was about to become a category 5 hurricane when you found the courage to tell Gerry of Megan's betrayal. Knowing him the way you did, he wouldn't believe it at first and you could already predict his words. Yer bum's oot the windae! Blatantly translated....you're full of shit.

Your phone beeped, causing your already shortened steps of rapidly growing cold feet to cease altogether. It was Lee responding to your text that informed him of your late arrival.

"I have already waited a lifetime for you. I can wait longer because you are worth every aching minute of delay. I will wait forever if I must, just to breathe in your presence."

How? How could any human being possess such power over you? To be able to stop and restart your heart all from one simple text? As you stood there, literally holding Lee's bleeding heart in your hands, you began to feel incredibly guilty for making him wait, especially because you had chosen to go to Gerry first and you knew he wouldn't understand. You didn't even understand.

Forcing down the urge to lean over the rail and hurl, you gripped your queasy stomach and continued on. The closer you got, music became audible. You halted your steps once more, gasping as the song flung you back in time to 5 years ago in Galway when your relationship with Gerry was shiny and new. It was all your eyes could see as you gazed at Gerry working in the boat.

You had been wanting to go back to your roots and he had made that happen for you by taking you to Ireland on the same jet he picked his mom up in. It took a lot of coaxing though to get you on the man-made bird, for that was how your father had died when his plane had went down, something you rarely spoke of. Doped up on anxiety meds and tucked in the safety of Gerry's arms like a baby bird had gotten you through the fear and before you knew it, you and he were in Galway, partying it up.

The song was Galway Girl. Gerry said it reminded him of you and one night at one of the local pubs, the dashing detective showed off one of his many other talents. Playing guitar and singing that particular and very popular song with some guys he used to be in a band with back in his youthful days...and he sang it to you as he strummed the acoustic chordophone and strutted his way through the overcrowded room, embarrassing the hell out of you and then to top that off, he grabbed you up in his arms and kissed you madly. But you loved it and you loved him. It was like no one existed that night but you and him. Everything was so different then. You and Gerry were different, right down to his clean shaven baby face and your red hair with bangs.

You could still feel that kiss, taste it even. Guinness Stout mixed with sweet cologne and salty sweat. You were so happy. He was so happy. You could have had it all, rollin in the deep as the song said. He had your heart inside of his hand and he played it to the beat, or so you had believed no thanks to Megan's malevolence. She ruined everything. If she hadn't, would you now be Mrs. Josephine March Butler? You momentarily glanced down at your ring finger where the glowing golden rock used to be that he proposed to you with. He chose it because it was his birthstone and it reminded him of your amber eyes. He said it proved you and he were born for one another and even with Gerry, you had believed in all the signs so you really took that one to heart, along with both of your mothers names being the same. When everything went to shit, you took that as another sign and even went as far as secretly blaming it on the fact that he was a Scorpio. Low compatibility with your sign, a Sagittarius. Water and fire. It was said to be a very challenging relationship which it eventually became even without Megan's interference. You had just needed some fucking reason to understand how Gerry could ever cheat on you and with your slutty sister of all people or even at all. Would you have ever even met Lee? What would have happened if you had? Because your connection with him was instant and extremely intense, like the striking and igniting of a match. Aries and Sagittarius. Fire meets fire. You literally burned for each other.

As the song ended, the silence brought you back to the present, still staring at Gerry who had now locked his widened blue eyes upon you. Watching him hop out of the boat and casually strut his way to you in a dark baggy tee and a pair of khakis, you resumed your steps and your breathing that you swore had also ceased during your involuntary time travel.

He looked back at the boat and then you. "She's being stubborn. Hope you didn't come for a boat ride."

The ridiculous attempt to downplay his ghosting of you was expected and typical of Gerry, as well as the adorably anxious smile he displayed.

Gerry knew damn well you couldn't swim and would never get in a recreational boat but you couldn't even muster up a snarky retort with the way you were feeling and he noticed it. You noticed something too as he laid the rag on the railing and asked you if you wanted a beer. He was wearing his wedding ring.

"N..no. I'm good." you softly and simply declined.

As he opened the mini fridge under the small kitchen island used for bay parties, he looked back at you with concern.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine Gerry."

He popped the cap off the Heineken and took a swig while staring at you. "You're good, you're fine. Ok. Then why do you look like you've been crying?"

"Why do you look like a bottle of whiskey kicked your arse? Where have you been Gerry? I've been trying to reach you and I know damn well you know that. Why couldn't you answer my texts and calls??"

"Not to evade questioning like you're doing or to be a prick but since when do I owe you any explanations about my life? Last time I checked, we were never married."

"Fair enough...but why are you wearing your ring??"

His lips parted as he glanced down at his hand with a baffled expression, for clearly he had forgotten about it.

"Ohhh...that. Yeahhhh. Phil and I got a bit minced on a few wee drams last night and I woke up wearing it and well...now it's kind of stuck. Fingers got fatter I guess."

"A few shots?" you snickered. "I know how liberal you Scots pour those. According to your mom, ya'll were oot yer tree... errrrr was it off yer trollie?"

Gerry face palmed and grinned, then he sighed as he sat down on the rail. "Both terms would be correct. Look Josie, I'm dealin with a lot. You know that. I got my Mum in there hovering over me as you now know. I got Phil's young, dumb and reckless arse in there to look after and Vic over there in the hospital, still not doing well and now there's you."

You both gazed at each other for a moment, knowing he was reading you like a book and you began to feel sick all over again about what you had to tell him. His eyes already held so much stress and exhaustion and you were about to make it ten times worse.

"Josie...why are you here? What's going on with you sweetness? I can see it in those gorgeous eyes that something's wrong."

He was killing you. Gerry always called you sweetness from day one but it's the first time he had used the term of endearment it in a very long time.

"What ISN'T going on? Like you, I'm being hit at every angle with a new fresh hell every 5 minutes."

"And....you came..to me? Why? Don't you have that pretty doctor to bandage all your wounds?"

Your eyes instantly welled up. "You know what? This was obviously a mistake. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

As you spun around to leave, Gerry leaped off the rail and grabbed your hand, pulling you back. "Wait, wait...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I..I'm just not used to you coming to me for anything or even talking to me much at all for that matter and now here you are, out of nowhere and...."

Gerry paused as he intensely peered down into your glistening eyes. He was still clinging to the littlest bit of hope that someday you would want him back and he couldn't help but wonder if that's why you were there.

His thumb softly caressed the top of your hand as he still held it. "Talk to me baby. Did...did he...hurt you in some way?"

There he went, reading you again like a psychic with that annoying intuition of his. Gerry was certainly meant to be a cop.

"Just stop!" you cried, yanking your hand from his and turning away from him as you softly sobbed. "I am NOT going to talk to you about Lee, so just stop Gerry. Please just stop."

"It's very clear that I'm right but I will respect your wishes."

His then laid a gentle hand upon your shoulder. "But you're crying and you know what that does to me. Did my mum say something to you? I know she tends to overstep...."

You turned, eyes closed as you sighed, then forced them up to his. "No, she was actually more subtle about you and me this time. God, I'm just so fucking frazzled right now."

"I can see that. Ok, take in deep breath, hold it for a second and then just let it go. Here, I'll do it with you, come on. 1, 2..."

"Gerryyyy...that doesn't work." you whined with an eye roll.

"No, don't argue with me. Just do it. One more time, 1...2...3."

On his count of three, you just began blurting things out. "First off, there's how many experienced cops at the Salem P.D. with murder cases and you left that egotistical rookie partner of yours in charge of Elizabeth's case. Does no one realize it's a conflict of interest?? Luke and Lee are at each other's throats over their own issues so HOW is this fair to Lee being a person of interest when Luke's the investigating officer??!! And let's not forget a little girl is missing and it's all my fault! This is one of the reason's I have been trying to reach you because you can be objective and get shit done and speaking of cops, I got pulled over on the way here by Officer over the fucking hill for speeding and he was rude and mean and insulted me all because Jason's my brother, oh and someone busted my fucking tail light out and rusty water keeps coming out of the faucets!!!"

Gerry's response was of simple surprise as he stared at you, lips ajar. "Wow."

"That's it? Wow??"

"Well Josie, there's all kinds of bad shit in this county going on and we only have so many cops who are on pre-existing cases, not to mention the huge drug shit going on so I felt Luke could handle this while I got my shit together since he's highly qualified and all and no, I was not aware of the personal conflicts with him, but now I am and I'll look in to it. I'm sorry I've been distant but I really didn't think I was needed in your life anymore. Bring your car out to the trailer tomorrow if you want and I'll fix it but as far as your plumbing problem, isn't that your mobster landlord's responsibility?"

"Hilarious Gerry. Craig is not a bad guy. His daughter is missing so don't start in on him like you always did Jason who also isn't a bad person like that cop called him and I'm not going to ask Craig to fix my shower when it isn't even broken."

"But you just said..."

"It's not the plumbing. Just never mind. You wouldn't believe me if I told you and that doesn't really matter right now so forget I said anything."

Gerry looked at you with skepticism. "Ok. But what did you mean by isn't?"

"Huh?"

"You said Jason isn't a bad person. Don't you mean wasn't?"

Oh god. You DID say that and you needed to do damage control real fucking fast because this wasn't the first time you had almost let it slip that Jason was alive and Gerry was too damn smart. You hated lying to him but Jason would tell the world his secret when he was ready. In the meantime, you hoped he would find Ethan sooner than later and especially Blaise, but you hadn't a single clue what your undead brother was even doing or where he and Britt were. Did Jason even know what happened to Megan?

"Of....course I meant wasn't Gerry. It was an accident. He's only been gone close to 2 months now. Still don't seem real." you sniffled and wiped the corner of your eye for good measure.

"Alright. I get it. Sorry. Guess I'm still in cop mode and speaking of, so this cop that pulled you over. What's his name?"

"I...I don't know?"

"You got the ticket on you?"

You dug into your purse. "Yeah. Here."

Gerry stood looking it over and then his eyes popped as he chuckled. "82 Josie? Really? Where was the fire? All of this was that important to get here? Anyways, I know this prick."

He crumpled the pink paper up without a care and chucked it into the water. "There. No more ticket."

"Gerry...what are you doing??! I need that!"

"Not anymore you don't. I'll make it go away. One problem solved."

You knew he could too. You just didn't want to ask him to. "I..you...you would do that for me? I mean, with you being all by the book and stuff, no matter who it is?"

"I think you know you're an exception to that rule. I would do anything for you, especially if I can in some way make up for all the pain I caused you."

Your stomach twisted. You couldn't put it off much longer. The truth about Megan.

"Can you make everything else go away too? Lee didn't hurt Liz and he certainly didn't kill her. Please tell me you believe that."

"I've done my research on Lee and no, I don't think he attacked or offed his ex. Honestly JoJo, I think it could be someone else who Elizabeth pissed off which according to Luke's reports, was quite a muckle amount of people, even including you but of course I know that's not the case. I'm leaning more towards someone who wants us to believe Lee did it since he does have quite the motive, but again...I don't feel it was him. Things just don't add up. I think someone was more pissed off at Lee than Elizabeth."

Gerry didn't suspect you but someone certainly tried to make it look that way by planting all that stuff in Lee's car, but you couldn't tell Gerry about that and now your thoughts swirled like a twister, sucking in every person with means and motive to hurt the two of you. Someone who knew Lee's routines.

"Well, there's a large list of those people too. Ethan will always be my first guess. He hates me and that Lee chose me and not him and we all know what he's capable of. Then there's Angel, Lee's neighbor. Another jealousy, woman scorned thing and there's that Carpenter guy. I mean, you witnessed his rage at Lee and there's even..."

You paused, feeling guilty for even thinking it, but your priority was to always protect Lee, no matter who you had to throw under the bus. "There's...your new partner...Luke. Something happened years ago between them Gerry and I don't know what that was but I do know it was really bad and the two of them, as I said, are not getting along. I just think you don't know everything about Luke and I know I don't either, but from what I've seen and from what I DO know, he has a violent streak in him, especially if provoked. Just like his brother Ethan and maybe Luke is using this cop thing to his advantage?? I mean, he was WSB for christ's sake and..."

Gerry shook his head. "Stop. Stop."

But you didn't stop. "No Gerry! Is it really that far fetched?? He's smart as hell. He can easily hide things he don't want people to know. Trust me."

So could Lee for that matter, but you were way past ever thinking it was him and would forever regret that the thought had ever crossed your mind just like the guilty person wanted it to.

"Or maybe he's just doing his damn job. So let me get this straight. You think a former WSB agent is now a dirty cop and my partner at that, just to seek some kind of revenge on his once good friend."

"I..I don't know! It's possible yes?? He knows Lee inside and out."

"I'm smart as hell too and would like to think I am damn good at what I do and the fact that you're standing here implying that I wouldn't see right through a conspiracy like that is rather insulting. I'm telling you Josie, it's not Luke. Until you can give me something concrete as to why Luke would want to hurt Lee, you need to drop it."

"Ok fine. Maybe it's not to hurt Lee? Maybe it was FOR Lee. Luke hated Liz too for what she did to Lee."

"You know, you're definitely right about one thing. Luke is too close to this and needs pulled from the case. With that said, I think you're forgetting a few others with motive to kill Nurse Webber. I mean...let's not forget her ex-husband who she kept his own daughter from, or so called daughter I should say since he believes Blaise to be Ethan's and if that turns out to be true, it's really damn good motive on his part to off her and let's also not forget his line of work, so there's that."

"Nope. Stop it Gerry. Craig did not do it. Leave him alone already. He wouldn't do that to his daughter no matter how much he despised Liz."

"You seem so sure of that and oddly protective of him. What's that all about?"

"None of your business. Now who else? You said a few others."

"Ok, but you aren't going to like it."

"WHO!" you snapped.

The name that came out of his mouth made your skin crawl. "Peter. He's been making some noise lately from within that 6 by 6 of his."

"W...w...what?" you softly stammered in fear.

"I wasn't going to tell you this but out of the blue, he's been demanding to get word to you to come see him and he won't say why, which I think we all know is because he knows about you being with Lee. The warden let me know about it and I've made sure any letters he sends out with your name are never sent."

You shuttered inside. "Just like he sent letters to Britt, wanting her to give them to me."

"She didn't did she? I was under the impression she loathed her sadist brother."

"She does and no. I never saw the letters and I don't want to talk about Pe..." you sighed, unable to even say his name. "Why are you bringing him up?? You're in good with this warden. Get him to put him in solitary confinement where he belongs, like he did to me!!"

"I'm sorry. I said you wouldn't like it. I know what he did to you, kidnapping you and locking you in that morgue drawer. I was there and saved you remember? Or you would have suffocated and believe me, if I could shut him up, I would, but I can only do so much. I'm bringing him up because we all know he has extreme jealous tendencies and access to people on the outside. I think you know where I'm going with this. If he wants to get to you or Lee, he can."

You wanted to tell Gerry so bad what you knew about Lee's past with Luke involving Peter aka Sam Colin and how Lee was using that alias because Luke told him to, but you just couldn't. You trusted Gerry with your life but not Lee's.

"Yeah, I do. He could easily set Lee up to get him away from me which is WHY his communication needs to be revoked!! He's not only the son of an infamous terrorist, but he's one himself and he shouldn't have the privileges he has Gerry! Besides that, do you really think it's his style to frame someone?? He's more of the eraser type.''

"Then why isn't Lee dead already? Peter is his father's son yes, but he wasn't raised by him, only that other whack job son of his was, Charles Rane, who got blown up across the pond years ago."

You felt sick again, because it was Lee who caused that explosion, killing the Rane of terror. If you only knew what happened. The entire story. You would bet money Peter knew. So did Spinelli from intercepting those letters from Peter to Britt. And of course, Jason knew. If only you had listened to his and Lee's entire conversation instead of interrupting them, maybe you would know the truth.

"Does that make Peter any less dangerous?" Gerry continued. "No, but I had been after Cesar for so long and the two couldn't be more different. You should know since Faison was going to kill you the night you got shot, which not to defend Peter, but he meant to hit his father, not you, in an attempt to save you. Cesar eliminates his threats. Peter toys with them. The sadistic fuck likes to watch people suffer. Big difference."

"I swear if you say his name one more time!! And yeah, I know the difference. It's the real reason, which you already know, that my anxiety issues arose and why I'm claustrophobic and scared of the dark and storms! You have no idea what thunder sounds like inside a cold metal box. But in shame, I tell everyone, even Lee, it's because Megan locked me in a crawl space during a storm when we were kids, which was true, but that never damaged me the way that monster did. I...I couldn't fucking breathe. I could still smell the chloroform and I can still see the darkness all around me, stealing my breath like the grim fucking reaper and hear the echoes of my own cries as I called out for you."

"I know...and Peter claimed he was hiding you from his father because you were my girlfriend and Faison would kill you if he found you. Maybe I should go visit the piece of shit because now I'm angry all over again and want to rip his minging heid aff!!"

There was the full blown Scottish accent and you hadn't even told him about Megan yet. "Well maybe someone in prison will get to him first, shank him over and over and over or slip some rat poison in his coffee or something. I bet you could arrange that."

"Haud yer wheesht! What's gotten into you Josie? Just because you're Jason's sister doesn't mean you have to act like him."

"Now YOU haud yer wheesht!"

"I will when you stap yer haverin!"

Your lips pursed and you went to riposte, but Gerry's phone rang. "Saved by the bell. Guess Luke's ears were ringing. I gotta take this. He fills me in from time to time."

As Gerry walked away to talk privately, you went to the sink for a glass of water. Your eyes were on him, trying to listen as you turned the faucet on but he was purposely whispering. Your hand became wet as the glass overflowed and when you looked down, your hand was stained with red water.

"Gerry!!!" you screeched and dropped the glass in the sink, shattering it.

"I'll call you later!" Gerry barked and ran to you. "Fuck Josie, did you cut your hand? Here baby, let me see it!"

"It's not blood Gerry. It's the water!! This is what I told you about! First at Dave's, then at my place and now here. I...I don't know what the fuck is happening. It's like some supernatural sign or an omen or something. Gerry, I feel like something bad is going to happen."

His eye dropped from yours and he became silent as he dried your hand off with a towel.

"Gerry? W..what's wrong? What did Luke tell you??"

He threw the towel down and grabbed another beer. "When were you going to tell me about Megan being kidnapped and attacked?"

"I...I was going to. We were just, you know, talking about all this other stuff and I got distracted. That's all."

"Luke's at the hospital now and asked me if I could find a guard and..."

"You need to! Because I don't think she was expected to be found considering where she was at. Did he speak to her? What did she say? Because she told me and mom she couldn't remember anything just before it happened and during, just that she remembered Dave finding her and...Gerry...she said she feels like it wasn't Ethan but...I don't believe that. She's either scared to rat him out or it's just the trauma."

"Or it's the drugs they found in her system compromising her memory. Her blood panel showed traces of Rohypnol in her system. It's a roofie."

"Oh my god...."

"That's...not all Josie. They uh...they did a rape kit on her and..."

"No...just...no. Tell me she wasn't."

"I...I can't. I'm sorry Josie. Luke said she don't remember it but she was so distraught from the results of both tests that they had to sedate her."

Your eyes burned with tears as your heart began to pound. "M..mom...what about my m...mom?"

"Luke's staying with her for awhile. Still think he's a cold blooded killer?"

"I...I don't know what to think anymore. Gerry...there's more...and it involves you. I need to get this out. It's the entire reason I came here."

"Why do I feel like I'm the one who's not going to like this now? What is it Joey? Oot with it."

You drew in a deep breath like he told you to do earlier, then exhaled long and hard. "Ok. Here it goes. After speaking to Megan today, she decided to do some kind of conscience cleanse and...she...she claims that you and she...never slept together. That she set you up to hurt me."

Gerry turned around with an incredulous sigh, placed his palm on his forehead for a moment, then turned back to you with his mouth hanging open.

"What? Yer bum's oot the windae." he exclaimed, exactly as you predicted he would and still in shock, he questioned again. "What?"

"It's not nonsense Gerry. Trust me, I didn't believe it at first either, but...her demeanor and how she cried her eyes out...it's true Gerry. She admitted to drugging you and even wearing my perfume to get you excited, but the drugs and the alcohol only ended up knocking you out, so she sent me that text from your phone, then took your clothes off and hers and climbed into bed with you, waiting for me to show up the next morning. It was all a fucking set up Gerry because she was jealous of me. I...I'm so sorry." you cried. "I..I...should have known better...I should have believed you when you said something didn't feel right...I..."

And here it came. The blow up you dreaded.

"That clatty cunt!!! Are you fucking kidding me??!! Oh karma sure bit her in the arse now didn't it eh??!! JEE-sus Mary and Joseph what the fuck is wrong with that girl??!! She should be in a fucking mental institution. I cannot even comprehend this right now. She..she ruined everything for us and for what?? Just to make you suffer?? And don't you dare stand here and blame yourself. I wouldn't have believed me either! She's going to fucking pay for this, so help me God."

"Well, as you said, she's already getting her karma."

"Ohhh hell no. She's going to get MY karma. Why am I the only one that's losing my shit here??!! She destroyed us Josie!! My god, did it ever cross your mind that we might still be together and even married?? You would be wearing the rings that go with the one I'm wearing right now!"

"That's ALL that has crossed my mind Gerry!! I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now but I came here. It's why I got fucking pulled over. I kept spacing out with the memories. I literally kept seeing the look on your face when I found you with her and it hurts like hell, all of it and then I get here and you're playing that damn song and my mind went back to those memories too and then I see you with that ring on and...and...and...I...god Gerry...I'm so confused!!"

He finally calmed down and started a conversation that you knew he would but were in no way prepared for. "Why? Why are you confused? My god, I'm innocent sweetness. Does this mean anything to you now? Does it...change...anything? Because nothing has ever changed for me except losing you. I still love you as much as I did then, if not more and..."

"Gerry...please don't."

He came up to you, face to face, pleading his case. "Don't what?? I never fucking cheated on you baby. I never could. That's why it never made any sense and you and me, being apart never made any sense. Do you not feel anything at all for me anymore? Is it really all gone? Because we were crazy as hell for each other and I know I'm not wrong about that. I mean, look what we had. We had a beautiful life. I know we had been through shit after you were shot, with the whole children thing, but we made it through that. We worked hard for what we had. Let's put some more gas in the tank."

"Gerry...I...I'm with Lee now, you know that and I..."

"Are you? Because I'm looking right at you standing here in front of me. Is that where you're supposed to be right now? But you're not, are you? You came to me. You could have waited to tell me all this. What was one more day of letting me feel the agony of losing the best damn thing that's ever happened to me? You couldn't. You couldn't do it. You had to come tell me right away and why? Because it fucking matters to you. I...matter to you, even now, after all this time, even after you moved on with someone else."

"Of..of course it matters to me Gerry! And no, I didn't want you to suffer anymore, not even for one more day..."

He stepped right up against you and placed his large hands on your cheeks, his face merely inches from yours, his warm beer breath showering your lips. "I...matter to you. Say it Josie. Tell me I still matter. Tell me you feel nothing for me anymore. Tell me you don't still love me, not even a little bit."

Tears raced out of your eyes and over his hands as your lips began to quiver. "I...I...Gerry please sto..."

His lips took yours with a fierce passion like he did on the dance floor that night in Galway and you found yourself succumbing to him like you did on the dance floor that night in Galway. The familiarity of his taste, the way his lips moved, the way they felt, the way HE felt all came flooding back to you and you couldn't pull yourself away.

@redeemer46

[blistering-typhoons]

BBC SHERLOCK REWATCH - A STUDY IN PINK (REAL TIME NOTES)

From the perspective of someone who watched this show when they were thirteen, made it their whole personality and then stopped being a massive prat.

I thought about organizing this into a cohesive review, and maybe as I go on I'll delve deeper into some of my observations but for now I thought it would be funny to present my findings in raw, mostly unaltered form:

- loud ass opening, my god

- only bit of acting Martin freeman ever does lmao

- dances along to theme against my will

- god the effects and transitions are so shit

- all the shots of the pills are so ugly

- oh yay molly - whoo - yayyy

- the potential withe these two goddamn

- also this sherlock does not drink his respect women juice by god

- fucksake the deduction about john's sister- not only is it translated awfully into this modern setting, it's explicitly a deduction Sherlock is supposed to make once they know eachother a bit better

- THE POTENTIAL

- also sherlock displaying one insecurity when john accidentally insults his stuff- well done moftiss, characterization

- How far away is the crime scene, why it dark

- pls the transitions

- PIPE BOMB, WHOO Phone deductionnnn

- oh my god it's so shit

- uuuuuuuugggghhhh the potential I hate this shooooow

- fuckin deduction as a way for witty one liners and sexism, i hate this place

- 'you were thinking it's annoying' i'm going to send myself off a cliff, CRINGE

- RACHE- moffat, come here a sec- literally putting ACD on par with the police, who are always wrong the sheer audacity- also just a bad change

- these lens flare white lights are so goofy please, you will never be a whole scene of silence with jeremy brett

- benedict cumberbatch is very pretty i will grant

- terrorized by the fact i used to quote this show unironically

- from a writing point of view I understand that John gushing over Sherlock is to show off and emphasize their specialest boy- but, some sincerity is infused into it from an acting standpoint

- 30:02 GIRLIE WHAT IS THAT SOUND EFFECT

- OOH YAY THE PSYCHOPATH/SOCIOPATH STUFF WHOO YEAAAAH

- All the phones calling as john walks past is kinda cool but mostly stupid

- oh anthea, what a rich character lmao

- how long was mycroft posed like that

- First johnlock queerbait whooo

- Where does he fuck off to???

- he just vanishes lmaoooo

- Three patch problem. Bruh.

- I am bored as shit, help

- This music- girl

- Bloated is a very good word to describe some of these scenes

- HERE SHE IS- THE BIG DADDY OF QUEERBAITING

- this scene is insane fucKING INSANE I HATE THIS SHOW

- god how much episode is left fucksake

- the stop/go signs- pick a tone girl

- this episode is so almost good and it's anytime Sherlock makes a mistake lmao

- not the drugs bust :/

- ooh sociopath line- whoo

- "I don't have to [imagine]." OOOH OKAY, WELL, YOU GUYS GET *ONE* POINT FOR THAT SHEESH

- this is so ridiculous- COME WITH ME- girl shut up

- I wanna be done I wanna be doooone.

- lamenting the confrontation we had in the unaired pilot

- The 'Frwhoomp' noise as the light goes out, girl

- 20 Minutes left my christ

- BRO- I forgot that bit of ADR wooooof

- and thus begins the scree of Moriarty

- five years, why is Scotland Yard still doubtful of Sherlock's skills? I know he might have been deep in his addiction during some of that, but they evidently kept him around for crime solving.

- Great man/good man quote has me fumin babes, my god, what a fundamental misunderstanding of Sherlock Holmes

- boring ass back and forth

- this piano is giving me war flashbacks

- is it a five orange pips reference?

- also the pills look like that speckled gum that burns your throat

- when is it oveeer

- falling asleep

- bomb under the table but the table is made of glass and hates gay people

- she tooks the kidssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

- 13 min

- love, or rage, dude, come on Sherlock

- i hate this 'enjoying crime too much' theme they've written

- like watching a stupid play

- once more, the potential

- moriarty he said calmly

- also, so out of character for Sherlock do I even need to say

- peaks of what could have been- FUCK

- this mycroft fake out- lord

- also, mummy, fucksake

- cheesy ending BUT IT'S OVER

[sugar-omi]

(swiftie asker) OH MY GOD YOU GET IT. YOU UNDERSTAND. THIS IS ... EVERYTHING??? THIS IS THE MOMENT????? THIS IS ALL THAT EVER WAS AND ALL THAT EVER WILL BE???????? HELLO???????????? your english teacher is so based for that btw i know damn well i'd be digging claw marks into that desk DKJNCFJ

IF THERE WAS EVER ANYBODY WHO UNDERSTOOD BAXTER WARD IT WOULD BE YOU. BECAUSE YOU FUCKING GET IT, YOU UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT AND YOU RAN WITH IT LIKE THE GODDAMN WIND. "promises oceans deep, but never to keep" OUGHNGGFJGH IT'S SO BAXTER . ESPECIALLY SINCE ANY OCEAN MOTIF OF ANY KIND IMMEDIATELY ROLLS IN THOUGHTS OF COVE....... FUCKKK DUDE

dude. LOML /IS/ BAXTER CODED HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS??? "you cinephile in black and white", "in your suit and tie, in the nick of time", "MR. STEAL YOUR GIRL, THEN MAKE HER CRY"... how did i not see this before what the fuck . ???!?! i'm a fake fan fr /j ...

no but seriously. THE WAY THE SONG HAS REFERENCES TO ILLICIT AFFAIRS, YET ANOTHER BAXTER/MC CODED SONG??? the connection between illicit affairs's "they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times" and loml's "you told me i'm the love of your life about a million times" FUCK DUDE I'M CONVINCED TAYLOR KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING WHEN SHE RELEASED THESE TRACKS BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO PERFECT.

"i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all" and "you're the love/loss of my life" as both baxter AND mc mourning what could have been if they were two different people...if they'd met under different circumstances, in different periods of their lives. if they had one, two, a thousand more chances to get it right. if they weren't built to fall apart - destined to find and then lose each other as if it was nothing. if mc is the moon and cove is the sun, then baxter is the ever-buoying ocean - destined to forever reflect their light and be swayed from shore to shore by mc's magnetic pull - but the way they dip below his horizons by dawn as if melting into him, it's nothing more than the illusion of touch; the ghost of something he might have had once but can't hope to yearn for again.

OKAY I THINK I'VE BEEN RAMBLING WAY TOO MUCH FOR A COMFORTABLE-TO-READ TUMBLR ASK SKJDFKDFJD... truly i will never get over how you just took my silly little thoughts and absolutely TOOK OFF with them, i'll literally never be the same after "that'd be too selfish. he couldn't be that selfish." DUDE LIVES WERE CHANGED. PEOPLE DIED. (it's me, i'm people) so all of this is just to say YOU HAVE DONE IT ONCE AGAIN . ABSOLUTE ICON . 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

"if mc is the moon and cove is the sun, then baxter is the ever-buoying ocean - destined to forever reflect their light" + ".. the way they dip below his horizons by dawn as if melting into him, it's nothing more than the illusion of touch; the ghost of something he might have had once but can't hope to yearn for again."

IS FUCKING CRAZY. OH MY GOD. IM GOING TO SOB??? IM.. IM ON THE FLOOR?? THE WALL???? SHIT, MY LIFE WAS CHANGED JUST NOW AFTER THAT PARAGRAPH. WHAT THE FUCK. like excuse me while i go tattoo such a GUT WRENCHING BUT SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, SUCH A POETIC PARAGRAPH ON MY EYELIDS !!!!!

AND YES YES YES "you're the loss of my life" IS FUCKING CRAZY. I WAS GRIPPING MY STUFFED ANIMAL WITH BOTH HANDS. THAT WAS SO CRAZY N SO FUCKING TRUE

IN FACT. THATS LITERALLY BAXTER'S LINE???? baxter meeting you again, be it when you help plan scott and jude's wedding or when you marry cove, THAT IS HIS FUCKING LINE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM..

literally screaming rn, i will not be able to sleep at all omg... i'm gonna be thinking about that reflecting their light line all fucking night... LIKE I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE IM EXAGGERATING BUT I AM GENUINELY SHAKEN /POS. YOU HAVE ME IN A DEATH GRIP RN ISTG

i love your mind. my writing freak as been matched. you are brilliant 😭👏👏👏👏

also im trying to listen to more of the songs on ttpd but istg i cannot hear if i cant see words so im checking the lyrics and. THE SMALLEST MAN TO EVER LIVED? BAXTER CODED ANDI NEED YOU TO HEAR ME OUT

"was any of it true? / gazing at me starry-eyed in your jehovah witness suit / who the fuck was that guy?" + "and i dont even want you back, i just want to know / if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

THAT LINE. "i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal" THIS IS SO PERFECT FOR IF YOURE STILL MAD AT BAXTER EVEN 5 YEARS LATER.

and listen, i have somewhere to be in the morning so i can't wax poetry abt this line right now, imma type some shit up later bc i am going CRAZY but literally even though baxter gave you such a lovely time, and even though you knew it was going to end. even though you hoped he'd stay for awhile..

the way he wraps you up in his arms so sweetly, smiles at you so handsomely... he has you hooked on him like a drug only to turn you away, blame you for your addiction to him. blamed you for still yearning for the temporary but euphoric effects of his love...

[growling]

please give us the tea on the warrior cats ships!!!

I'll go first by saying Mothpool is overhyped and Leafpool had more chemestry with Cinderpelt. (in my opinion, ship what you like!)

:3c !!! Didn't think anybody would actually ask I am gonna gonna ramble now.. Separating this into pos and neg opinions

Positive:

I did think of leafcinder before and thought it was cute but not really something I'll get passionate about (i tend to be very picky on these kinda age gap/mentor x apprentice ships), now that I'm reminded of it I can really see it! They would have a great dynamic (taking tnp cinderpelt personality into account here. tbh her in tpb and her in tnp are almost different characters to me... where's your whimsy girl...), and honestly, there are almost endless options for Leafpool ships (she interacts with so many cats woagh that's crazy for this series she actually has friends??) that have more chemistry than crowpool. I mean it's fine I guess from a strictly plot perspective (and even that's well. bendable) but why is Leafpool, 30 cat years after their breakup, dead, in cat heaven, STILL deeply in love with cat Clay Puppington. I know they will get back together in StarClan because the authors absolutely love them and think they popped off writing their romance subplot they think they created a banger. Sorry this veered off into negative can't help being a hater.

hollyjaylion, leafsquirrel and bramblehawk are the three shipcest pairings I will never be able to be normal about. Canon to me. I say this as if I'm joking but I'm serious oughhh the goddamn dynamics. On a joking note though, graysky. there is no healthy nothing to see here just bro supporting his bro explanation for whatever the hell gray wing's problem was this entire arc

spottedtiger is cool it's interesting it's mindblowing it saves lives and it's haters are sooo silly I am sorry... "but spotted is his aunt according to the family tree!!!!" ok. and is this made relevant in the books at all? do they ever even acknowledge these two as kin. It's so pointless.. draw them making out

why's the fandom turning on darktiger suddenly now because they're still related (which is not even relevant or explicitly pointed out in the books and them being related was only decided way after both of their arcs together were done I. ughhhh.) wasn't this your favourite little henchman x fascist dictator toxic yaoi ship just a few years ago?? cowards. draw them making ou- ah wait that's just dark being obsessed with tiger, who on the other hand would RATHER NOT he wants that useless lickspittle OBLITERATED he doesn't CARE

ivyhawk good she could fix him. or he can make her worse. once again the fandom are major cowards for turning on it just like they did with darktiger, but much, much more aggresively so. like you people need to calm tf down just take deep breaths it's just a warrior cat ship...

people complaining about dovetiger's age gap (which are commonplace in the wc series tiger is not alone in dating apprentices) are so boring. they actually have the most wholesome dynamic in the current era/arcs I'd argue. they're in love and I love them. as a ship and both as characters.

fallenholly had the option to be one of THE best dubiously-canon wc pairings to come out of this series had they just went the direction of making fallen actually somewhat more messed up after being trapped as a ghost in the torment tunnels for cat centuries like. I remember someone else wording this really well earlier but I'm not really gonna search so just. Yeah. fallen leaves ships.

leopardtiger is hilarious I don't care. she thinks he's sooo correct and intelligent and truly the enlightened sigma worthy of the tigerclan podcast throne while also poisoning his food because he's fucking pissing her off in their side twitter dms and plotting his demise every night while he's snork mimimi'ing next to her in their kitty political marriage cuddle pile. ben shapiro x pragerU fucking ship I hope they kill each other

mudhawk... funny... seriously WHY is the fandom picking the most interesting goddamn ships to get pissed off at and call "problematic"??????? "age gap" THEY WERE BOTH ADULTS WHEN THEY MET WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON LET HAWK MANSPLAIN MANIPULATE MANFUCK THAT OLD MAN

I didn't read AVoS in it's entirety (and don't want to. it's... boring for the most part. I mean I love violet but is she enough to make me keep reading all that.) and don't remember if they even had any notable interactions but violetpuddle is very cute and my favourite (and, honestly, only) option for their ships. puddle's mother suckled violet but they don't consider each other "real" siblings just like how their mother doesn't consider violet as her daughter but try telling that to the fandom who can't distinguish between wet nurse arrangement, foster siblings and adopted siblings. Proud only resident of violetpuddle nation...... literally nobody else is here...

Negative: (gonna start censoring the cat/ship names now)

so correct moth.pool overhyped and their fans annoying. and also because I headcanon moth as aroace like there is not a single romantic thought in her body I cannot ever imagine her in a relationship moth don't care.

*takes a deep breath* mouse.fur is not aroace. tall.star, raven.paw and barley aren't gay. authorial statements made 10 years ago at some con ARE NOT CANON. IF IT'S NOT IN THE TEXT IT'S NOT CONFIRMED CANON. Also the latter examples also reek of biphobia lol. you can ship any of these characters with anyone forever, what is any of you people's problem.

long.fire, shadow.root, holly.cinder, bright.cloud, jay.kestrel are boring yaaawn I am falling asleep and do not see it. same with sandfire; these two did not have the groundbreaking dynamic (nor was sand that uh, well-rounded as character) you think they did you're just nostalgic. I actually prefer spottedfire and cinderfire over sandfire. anything over sandfire.

hawk.ash pisses me off because their shippers are always "hahahaha toxic yaoi sooo fucked up they make each other worse!!" but show them an actual toxic pairing and they immediately shit themselves and call you an abuse fetishizer. COWARDS you lot are COWARDS and this is why I cannot get behind hawk.ash at all like I associate them with the most annoying people so much I cannot sorry. I'm sure it's a cool ship or whatever

I actually got tired and now am too sleepy to articulate myself properly anymore but still here are the other ships that I either dislike or just plain out hate seeing: fern.ivy, alder.needle, crow.squirrel, bristle.root, bramble.squirrel (but that's a very popular one lol), lion.cinder.

thanks for the ask! :3

[feuqueerfire]

The Warp Effect Live Blogging

I've been obsessed with the idea of this show since I watched the freaking mock trailer like sooo long years ago (late 2021? early 2022? like 2 years ago bruh) and was so glad that people seemed to really like the actual show when it released, can't believe I'm finally watching it. I attempted to watch this once before but it was while I was taking a break at university and uh this is not a show I can watch in public, so I had to stop just a few minutes in and now I'm back like a year later.

Anyway, I better love it. I'm gonna lose my shit if it turns out like Be My Favourite for me (I love the mock trailer -> people love the show -> I finally watch the show and find it... fine).

Ep 1 (Apr 20)

Why am I so nervous, I almost don't wanna start it. see this is why I have so many highly praised show or shows I'm hoping to love like ITSAY and 3WBF still on my To Watch list

1-1

ah, the promise/purity ring of doom

oh he's a high school KID pls

ah, I'm so excited seeing this intro with the whole cast, I'm anticipating a lot of their roles

Is the one who found the bra his grandpa?

Alex and Ice brothers

I like their uniforms

Jan, hiiii <3 <3 <3 (name: Nim)

his face appeared on the news of the massage parlour burning ?!

hehe Nim and Jan are already dating

I'm so excited seeing Gigie and Fah and everybody ahh, it's actually been so long

Also I wish I'd watched TWE before I learned about how Fah's husband is a POS because now I'm like ah... by extension she is also a POS because you're literally marrying that man

I've been like damn why am I so excited to see all these people? I see them act all the time except no I don't because apparently I haven't watched a GMMTV show since Be My Favourite last year (other than OffGun 20 minute Love From Outta Space but that only has them). I just see some of them online, esp like FourthGemini and Phuwin. No wonder I'm like hiii~ to everybody I see pop up.

not the sex situation roleplay in front of the class. good on consent tho

i'm gonna have to relearn everybody's names later fr

Army the homophobic homosexual (actually does he like girls too fr? idk)

hah, Mark's character getting schooled for asking who tops and bottoms

not Army getting so into it T.T closeted kid... and then punching Alex oh boy

is Alex not underage or is that not like a concern bruh like even the teacher is so casual about it

free period product spiel

1-2

New and Fah (Alex and Jean) are so cute man. I'm so nervous that he... sexually assaulted her? or something nonconsensual?? like I don't remember what the issue was but he did something bad I think? it makes me so nervous because they wouldn't fucking made the main character in our sex-positive show a fucking assaulter right?

uh what does the grandfather know?

is this camera magic

I'm hungry, time for lunch, hope nothing super raunchy or gross happens while I'm eating

ah kiss

aw slap (foreshadowing for the future IMO *wink*)

1-3

hah the dildo scene

Fah you are so hot and so cool (or so I thought) why are you with your husband T.T

idk why I'm so happy seeing Alex and Jean getting it on like it's fun and it's exciting

Fah is so hot goddamn

1-4

ohhh Alex accidentally kind of saw Army with some guy (Joke?). Are both the bullies gay and hooking up? well he didn't recognize shit cuz he's drunk off his ass but yknow

he's no longer a virgin

dang, miss girl went straight into a pelvic exam. usually people like "wake up" in a different time or go from one room to another or smth lol

I have watched a couple time travel things but they've usually been to the past/deaged to teenagehood whereas this one is to the future.

Very fun 1st ep, interesting and fun and intriguing and also heart-felt.

Kinda funny that in the GMMTV subreddit on-air, people have mentioned how American it feelts (apparently a lot of the inspo for it is American which makes sense) but I have no clue about that because I haven't much American/western TV lol

Ep 2 (Apr 20)

2-1

Delightful Army who is no longer homophobic

Is this the same hospital as Vice Versa?

pls gooner See-ew

ahh, I was wondering if Ew would indeed no longer be Alex's friend

ahhh his relationship with family is now extremely distant too, I'm so curious about what happened

girl you're like 30 now, it makes sense that your grandfather might have passed away. but i do get that it's sudden and he must be like wtf i just saw him yesterday

oh also they're like Christian. the promise ring thing is in a church and there are crosses and stuff in their house too

I think I remember something about him having to fix his relationships or people he wronged or something and I guess these photos give a hint as to what?

2-2

0:49 Ew (aka Sing who also plays Todd in Not Me) says "Are you challenging me?" but him saying it in Thai reminds me of him saying the same thing/a similar thing to Black as Todd when Black came to kill him

ohh these photos are from the future?

broken promise leading to this mess

heh, Alex really went wild that night at the party ig

Ah, indeed Alex kissed Molly (we saw this in 1-3 I think)

Alex, Kat fuck buddies

2-3

Gigie is so hot

pls the way I burst out laughing at him leaving the bathroom nearly naked

the change from shy/nervous -> eager and excited

also Kat's so funny cuz she gets angry and then is like ^.^ :D like the cat smiling emoji

pls the curse not letting him have sex even in the future

Joong hi, can't wait to see him be tied up in a chair (and whipped?)

"Thank you, master" ahhhh i'm so excited for Liu and Ew and puppyplay

i'm actually not a super big of the dog mask but it's all so cute omg >.< Master feeding her dog strawberries aww and then giving a little flog for being a bad doggie but being nice to him again awww so cuteeeee he's such a cute dog

2-4

Army is so fun

so he did indeed get with Jean in between making out with other people

yay Jean director, her dream

and she's mad at him because he did smth but whattt

Ep 3 (Apr 21)

3-1

pls the way he has no doctor gyno knowledge T.T he's 17

I saw people guessing that Alex and Jean had sex that night -> Jean got pregnant -> Alex left/wanted nothing to do with that/she got an abortion and he gave no support/etc. which I think I would like more than my fears that he did something untoward

Jean and Kat convo ahh pretties and cuties i hope you are friends and don't hate each other later on

3-2

ik Ew is excited but I also want Liu to be more excited and eager and partaking in the sex toy shopping and kink play

aw she's embarrassed esp in public

okay exactly liu being like "i like it but not all the time. do you ever ask me what i actually like?"

ah her running into Jedi and Rose right in front of the store

does Alex even know how to drive

all i can think is Army's hands were probably on his dick or the other guy's dick and he's touching Alex all casually without washing hands

there's no photo of Ice but i guess he'd need to patch things up with his brother anyway

I think this is the first time I'm seeing Phuwin in a romantic role with somebody other than Pond?

Jan with a girl let's fucking go

tragic that this isn't gonna last bc Nim and this girl are cute together

3-3

Ah

I guess the best thing would've been to set up guidelines earlier in the relationship, like puppy play/BDSM is just One aspect of our relationship, not the whole thing. because it's been clear since ep 2 that Ew is more eager to play that way every time they see each other whereas Liu likes it to a lesser degree and also wants to hang out and be romantic outside of that play and also wants to be pampered sometimes rather than always domming him/taking care of him

agh it irritated me that Ew just turned on porn and got off but ig he uses it as a crutch maybe... i'm hoping it's that instead of a lack of care and affection toward Liu smh

I love Gigie's smile her sharp little incisors are extremely attractive

I'm glad Alex cut it off with Kat esp because in last ep it was mentioned that he's kind of being dishonest with her since he's not... exactly who he says he is

3-4

Oh, that's Ice's girlfriend Kim? Jean and her work together?

I loveee Jean's colour-block jacket

a little lesson on doing a pelvic exam for someone with a vagina

ah Alex and Jean in the same room again i'm so excited but nervous

I'm nervous For Jean bruv

you didn't do the cotton thing before inserting the speculum Alex

ah, they fr had sex that night

Ep 4 (Apr 21)

4-1

Army is so funny and endearing. i'd be curious to know his reaction when Alex finally tells him about the time travel

Are we getting Thor's character finally or not yet? anonymous face

oof Bew and Nim's future plans look pretty different

and the pregnant Nim photo is manifesting

bruh obviously Ew dresses up and plays a little dog lmfao

damn they're actually talking about puppy play

girl that's not Thor, that's a baby! I just remembered that I think I knew about this? about Fluke's character accidentally meeting up with an underage guy

pls 2005 liner (in 2022)

i am aware that playing football is an euphemism. is it for masturbation? just being horny?

I found out about Fluke Pusit's new BL which is apparently the fucking Your Dear Daddy that had me icked out from the title agh but like... I like him in this and wanna see him in a BL as a main lead so I might still check it out since the synopsis doesn't seem too bad. It'll still be many months perhaps over a year or two until it comes out though... not even a pilot trailer yet. will they get the budget and talent necessary for the show? Who knows...

4-2

Ah, Joe and Army also had a falling out and aren’t in contact, rip

I think it's Army's baby based on that one tiktok where Army and Nim are talking about the kid having gay and lesbian parents

non-binary Molly!!!!

i can’t quite tell how we’re supposed to feel about Joong’s character Tony tbh

ohh that’s how the Joong tied up in a chair by Sylvie scene comes to be, it’s part of their movie acting.

i watched the first few minutes of this on the train lol

Damn, what's up with Jean :< is it really just bad cramps or something serious?

4-3

pls Ice's friends are losers (or maybe just that specific dude)

oh the moaning while Ice and Kim are having sex threw me off

did Kim even have fun? USELESS

okay she's saying she had fun, though I wish she seemed more into it while they were actually doing the act. Orgasms aren't always necessary but it should still be fun

Kim is so fucking hot bruh

"Let's do it raw" well i'm so glad it was Phuwin playing Ice and not me bc I would've embarrassed myself on that set

ah, Army can still think fondly of his time hooking up with Joe and get off to it lol

Anyway, at least it seemed like Kim was gonna have more fun in round 2 but i want that for her every time they have sex

4-4

Kat and Jean on one screen is always so heart eyes

Army, what are you apologizing forrrr

pouty Army is so cute bruh

pls the argument while Army's jacking Joe off

the handjob that leads to forgiveness

well I'm glad they didn't get caught cuz I was nervous lol

The people I find incredibly attractive in this show are: Jean, Kat, Kim, and Army lmfao

Ep 5 (Apr 21/22)

5-1

Army reminiscing about the high school days when he and Joe hooked up lol

ah, Army has the photo he took of Alex and it shows Alex in the future in a doctor coat

hilarious that Alex is just a good, knowledgable gyno now lmfao

finally Army learns about the time travel

oof, Alex running into Kat and Jean at the club

the way he leaned over Jean freaked me out fr

correct that you can revoke consent at any time etc but maybe also say that if you're gonna bring a random person home from the bar, be clear about expectations before leaving the bar/coming home

5-2

he can't even get off when he masturbates?

Ew's animosity toward Army lol

Mollie lead role!

idkkkk Nim doesn't seem to be want to be pregnant and doesn't seem to like kids, I don't want her to have a baby when she doesn't want one

ouch, Mollie-Nim-Bew meet

the pilot guy is sleazy, Kat run away

5-3

wait we're not doing any more puppy play? :( did Liu really not like it at all?

Aghh we're only doing extremes of puppy play every time y'all meet vs no puppy play ever... what about a happy middle?

Ouchhh the public humiliation and body shaming, this is the hardest storyline in the show to watch for me so far

5-4

yay mollie

ohhh the photo of mollie changed cuz they overcame their problem ig? w alex's help once the photo happened

Kinda surreal to watch Molly be played by Sylvie who is attractive and, despite not being stick thin, also not fat

I barely watched anything on the 22nd and yesterday the 23rd was all about GMMTV 2024 Part 2, so I'm Finally starting the next ep today

Ep 6 (Apr 24)

6-1

Okay I got too nervous waiting to watch what Alex did so I read in the comments that he didn't use a condom because he was so drunk. It's terrible but I feel better knowing what it was that he did before seeing it

eughhh they're so drunk

oh ew that's... horrifying. to have her actually say wait and stop multiple times while he... doesn't

that's actually fucked fr

the look of horror and realizing on Jean's face and then the tear...

why is Alex fucking smiling?! how dare he

aw shucks everybody gonna know and the rumours are getting bigger

not Alex just going with Jedi while leaving Ew behind

Incredible that this guy who traumatized Jean is now just at the top of the school pyramid I actually can't believe my worst fears were real and Alex ignored Jean's multiple attempts to push him off while she says stop

6-2

the Jean and Molly convo is interesting. I understand Jean more because you can't just go around kissing people while in a monogamous relationship just to check if you're into it or not but I understand that Molly's also unsure of what they actually like, especially because it seems like they were probably grappling with being nonbinary back then and haven't yet chosen that term for themselves yet

I think breaking up is the right thing to do in this situation

Kat dropping big hints that she knows Army likes boys lol at least she's breaking up with him easy

Army has armpit hair which is normal but rare in EA/SEA shows it feels like? idols are clean shaven/lasered

Army's so annoying lol conceited but a cutie so I can't even disagree

conflicted because hah gay locker room handy is fun but also... part 1 sex was horrific

oh naur they're gonna get caught?

noooooo Army throws Joe under the bus?!

6-3

nosy ass grandpa

Ice is 13? lmfao. so he's 23 in the future ig

we should kill Alex first not stopping when Jean told him to and now abondoning Ew at Army's suggestion

heh Ew liked the slap

oh In Love by Gamma Skies, I think this was in a Bad Buddy playlist but I couldn't remember it being used in the actual show

Kat and Jean smoking in the balcony aghh I want at least 1 kiss between them plsplspls (but not right now when Jean is just newly traumatized :()

agh Jean labeled as a slut for sleeping with Alex (and dancing on the table in her bra) while Alex becomes the top dog for presumed to sleep with 3 girls (+ kiss Army lol)

6-4

I read the comments first because I know apparently Jean's photos in her bra from that party are gonna be plastered on the wall and aghh... Alex is gonna be useless and treated well while Jean is gonna be called an attention seaker and also suspended ?! and people in the comments were saying people shouldn't say that Alex did nothing wrong, how the fuck are there comments saying he didn't do anything wrong omg??!!

punishment for WHAT?!

Jean isn't quite yelling at Alex for the things she wants to yell at him about so I guess that's why the comments that apparently defended him may have thought she was treating him unfairly but it's like... it's hard to say you might not fucking remember but you didn't use a condom and didn't fucking listen to me while i told you to stop repeatedly you jackass and now they're all ruining my life

this fucking Alex/Jean montage i'm so mad T.T

and Army needs a fucking punch too

Alex is soooo aghhhh why is he literally going to Jean's house (!!!) and saying sorry but also repeatedly being like "Can you forgive me?" like girl wtf how can you expect forgiveness this easily by saying it was your fault a decade later smhh

ahhh horrible. good episode in the sense that it's well-crafted and makes sense but truly what the fuck

I get that Alex was drunk and so ignored Jean while we assume he wouldn't have done that if he wasn't drunk but truly... what the fuck? Being drunk doesn't mean you get a free get out of jail card to violate consent. The show nor the audience seem to use the word rape but that's what it was, right? I don't want them to get back together in the end man...

And also the Army-Joe thing... idk, throwing Joe under the bus...

Also I think I won't look at warp effect tumblr posts anymore... idk, I kinda don't care to read about people's thoughts on it because it's already tiring to watch the show, much less read people's thoughts on it. Might seek out specific gifsets if I really want one though.

Ep 7 (Apr 25)

7-1

lol everybody having fun while Alex can't orgasm

Liu's boss... ew

Rose and Jedi are cute heh

plss not Jedi being one of the men who wants their gf/wife to go open relationship but then is jealous she's is getting more partners and having fun and such

I'm glad we get kissing and sex with with Jedi and Rose because I swear so many times when trans actresses are cast, they either get no romance or very chaste romance with hugs at most

aw shucks, I'm guessing Jedi's dick hurting is gonna lead to the hospital visit in Alex's photo

7-2

oh also, ig I didn't think about the fact that Nim would have to marry whoever she has a kid with?

heh quick decision to have a freaking child

I'm also not sure Nim having a child is even the right decision

New looks soo attractive in the bar scene

I love Alex trying to mend the relationship with Ice

ewwww not Captain asking Kat to be his gf in public with flowers and such. It puts pressure on the one being asked, I hateeee it when people ask such questions in public and then the asker might get angry at being humiliated. I'm glad Kat stood her ground but I'm afraid he's gonna retaliate, esp since he's a pilot where she is a flight attendant

7-3

It makes me so nervous fr when they do anything in public

oh crazy, we're having the not orgasming talk but for a gay couple this time

a little PSA about positions

omg Joe is a side? doesn't like penetration possibly? because he liked the handjobs

Joong's character and Jean are cute man, idk I hope he's not sleazy

ah, Molly and Nim scenes once again

aw man Ew is going to meet the bunny domme

it's cute how excited he is but helloo you're meeting a woman behind our gf's back + camera?!

oh no he's wearing the outfit he gets arrested in

ah cops

you can get arrested for creating porn in thailand?

7-4

Ew begging Liu to stay is still more about himself and how she's the only one who understands him and gave him a chance rather than about her. But the story gets that I think because Liu says that in their relationship she has tried to be what's needed for Ew but Ew hasn't done the same.

ah shit not the captain beating up Kat, that fucker

Ep 8 (Apr 25)

8-1

poor Kat

aww Jean and Kat <3

girl, imagine if you had indeed accepted him, he's a fucking asshole, you'd be in a mess either way

yesss you two should date

I don't even know how to feel at Jean and Alex conversations, like it's not cool or chill dude, just shut upp

In the ep 7 r/gmmtv on-air, somebody mentioned that maybe... Army sleeps with another guy/cheats on Joe (esp if they're not on the same page sexually) and that's why it's a polaroid with the other guy's identity hidden? made me sooo nervous, I don't want that to be true plsss I just thought it'd be because Joe is closeted and so we can't see his face

plsss not Army's rant to Alex about Joe not bottoming

ah, Kim is pregnant and I'm guessing Nim is/will be too. I hope one of them gets an abortion for the storyline here

bruh, Bew was flighty from the jump but also Nim really shouldn't have gotten IVF done so quickly and easily with little though

bruh fuck Bew

8-2

plsss Alex going to Joe to talk about his and Army's sex life is sending me fr

side Joe! and they're fr talking about it!

Ah, Mollie and Nim :(

I really hope Kim ends up having an abortion. She and Ice can make another baby in the future when they're older and more stable and ready

Aw, Ice is sweet but I still don't think they should have a baby when neither is ready

Alex randomly there to help Kat lol

damn, Captain got put in jail, that's good

8-3

I hope Tony's just a nice, regular guy

pls Army being like yep my partner is soo satisfied with my performance to his patient

lol multi-activity full package outercourse

uh... is Kat developing feelings for Alex/I thought she had feelings for a while tbh

oh, Alex talking about Jean in his sleep rip

I hope Jean and Kat don't become enemies, that's my only wish

8-4

I love Joe and Army so bad wtf

Kat and Army's photos now fixed

Ep 9 (Apr 26)

9-1

okay Jedi mentioned always using protection

oof, not them fighting over the HPV

Rose is trans and didn't have bottom surgery so how tf did they have sex so easily in the kitchen that one time lmfao

pls not Ice singing about their child in this club setting

Kim shouldn't be drinking but Ice shouldn't be picking fights with strangers like that and escalating situations either

okay finally abortion mention

Ice let go of your fucking pride for like one second

9-2

hehe Sylvie and Joong scenes

not both Mollie and Jean falling for Tony's charms

okay Alex giving Ice good advice about supporting Kim's decision for an abortion. I wish somebody would also mention that they can just... have a child a couple years down the line

i wonder where we're going with the HPV storyline?

9-3

stop meeting at Joe's workplace I beg

STOP YELLING !!!

why is that man taking a video aghhhh Armyyyy i'm gonna kill you and also that man

ah, Nim and Molliee

ohh Nim's photo went back

not the flight attendant roleplay plss

I'm dying at Rose and Jedi's relationship where they're in an open relationship and flirt with people but never sleep with any of them even though the other one thinks they do lmfao

okay glad Kat didn't just get over Captain's assault and that it still affects her. but she's not portrayed as week for still being affected because it's literally such a big thing

Jedi and Rose are sooooo cute what the hell

not the scent callback

Jedi/Rose cutiesss

9-4

omg Kat and Tony?

Tony is suchhh a flirt that it's fun to see him be taken back by Kat's extremely forward pursuit

so is Tony... supposed to be just a nice, normal guy fr? I hope he is

Rose and Jedi are actually so cute like I'm dead

okay so it's stronger and stronger hinting that Jean was indeed pregnant after that party

oh no, Liu and her fuckass boss creep next ep

I liked how cute Jedi and Rose were but I feel like why introduce the open relationship aspect at all then? Like if they needed to have it, they could've treated it with more nuance and have them actually participate in the open part of their relationship. idk i was like, the lesson isn't that "people in love can't do open relationships" right?

Ep 10 (Apr 26)

10-1

director and main actor dating? and also Tony asking her in public like this too? Captain flashbacks smh

girl, dancing?! omg why is this too much for me, too much public stuff

let's kill Liu's boss

aghhh, they found out about Joe being gay

10-2

Alex barging in and confronting the boss like that in front of everybody. I hate these men's need to publicly "defend" women and confront/fight men without actually asking the women they're defending what they want because this has consequences

had to work really hard to get into the comedy mindset for this sexual harassment storyline because usually... the serious topics are treated serious idk

pussy eating, let's go

oof, Mollie and Nim fight once again

I get Joe so much and it frustrated me that Army doesn't quite understand how much trauma Joe has because of his actions (similar to his bff Alex in that way who just jokes around with Jean as if he didn't fucking rape her)

and what about the puppy play? we doing that still? cuz idk if Ew can do with it?

Ah, Jean and Kat convo about Alex. I'm glad it wasn't messy

10-3

oof, no Kim, you did the right thing

there is no need to feel bad for Ice because he can have a baby couple years down the line if he still wants it after he's more settled

okay he finally mentioned that they can have a kid when they're ready

erotic foot massage, loll yas (+ a little servant roleplay?)

i'm so glad they're communicating, never been so happy to see erotic foot massage and puppy play

omg Jedi proposing (and this time the public proposal feels okay like it doesn't feel like pressuring Rose)

Jedi and Rose are sooo cute. maybe the fact that they have the least screentime & so the least conflict helps with that

10-4

I'm nervous

ooh, a Tony and Jean kiss

this is so fucked uppp, my poor Jean T.T

glad Tony turned out to be actually decent

Once again, I'm hoping Alex/Jean isn't endgame

polaroid photo of Alex's mother and Teacher Saran?

Watched most of this at 1.25x speed tbh

Ep 11 (Apr 26)

I'm really enjoying the show but I must be honest... I'm also kind of dreading it and just want to be done... The Alex & Jean is honestly A Lot for me and idk if they can handle it well and I'm not looking forward to Joe-Army and Mollie-Nim's conflicts either. I kinda wanna just knock out the last 2 episodes by tonight though because I just wanna be doneee

It'll be 1.25x speed for the rest of the show I think. I managed to watch the first 9 episodes at regular speed though

11-1

Ah, Alex's bio dad is actually their gym/sex-ed teacher

damn, we're going so fast with this storyline

dang, more than his mother, his father was the reason for the time travel with the camera gift

Tony and Kat could be cute

pls not the "what if I get dragged by your fans" mentioned

I get that Nim shouldn't have been so callous with Mollie by saying they can be friends but Nim literally had 1) Mollie kiss another boy while they dated and 2) had Bew walk out her while pregnant. I feel like her not opening up or easily trusting Mollie to be a good partner and parent makes sense

Mollie could've just said the stuff nicely as a confession instead of a fight

11-2

let's go Joe (incredibly easy fix for something serious though lol)

I don't get the point of the kicking crossbar thing but sure, ig Joe and Army have made up

girl okay wtf is this promposal from Alex to Jean, idkkkk I'm just not into it

glad Jean didn't say yes

11-3

aw, Jedi/Rose wedding

Army-Joe dance too, Joe overcoming his shyness

no way Ew is proposing right here smh

Tony and Kat are cute too, even if it's all going fast cuz the show's ending ig

I want Jean to be able to speak to somebody openly and honestly about being raped by Alex (like that's literally what it was), whether it be a therapist, a close friend, fucking confronting Alex, idc but it feels like Alex doesn't even give it the weight it deserves, idk

Alex requesting for Jean to get back with him like literally why bro just let the girl be, I beg

11-4

literally, like just let her live her life instead of fucking inserting yourself so boldly, and often so jokingly. i get that you wanna fucking climax and also go back to the future but it's so frustrating to have him want to get back with her romantically out of selfish desire instead of at least helping her altruistically

This is so devastating, I don't fucking want them together fr

omg, her telling him to go back to the past

I guess he's gonna go back in time and do things differently. I'm just glad that in this scenario with how things have played out, in this timeline how original Alex lived, Jean can't forgive him or get together with him. So I'm partially getting what I wanted.

Also interesting parallel with Alex's father who Alex is now refusing to give a second chance, to come into his life, because he fucked up big time as well and there's just no coming back from that to suddenly be a good dad or being involved with Alex's life.

Also, people in the YT comments or on reddit who are acting like "ohhh Alex didn't know, he can't be held accountable for that night/for not knowing about the pregnancy, Jean should've told him yada yada", fuck you like actually. She was a young woman who was raped by somebody she deeply trusted (idc that he was young and drunk and it was "unintentional" - doesn't undo what he did), then ostracized by the school while he was put on a padastal (and left his other friends to follow his popularity), then suspended, then found out she was pregnant at a time when abortion was illegal. It makes plenty of fucking sense to me that she didn't go and tell Alex what happened. It's not even like she was doing anything to Alex in the current timeline, he's the one who keeps inserting himself into her life and pursing her romantically despite her saying no multiple times (parallels?).

Ep 12 (Apr 26)

I don't really feel like watching this ep but I will because I just wanna be done bruh

1.5x speed idc

12-1

please Alex going around and being elated toward Grandpa and Ice who are like ?? lol

omg this is so funny as he gives everybody the advice they need 10 years in the future

12-2

bro there is noooo way they're gonna give Jean's iconic dildo defense rant to fucking Alex

bro you just went on a time travelling mission that taught you about your mistakes when you were drunk this night at this party, c'mon don't drink bruh

12-3

not the Liu-Ew and Jedi-Rose making out competition

Joe-Army have had more sex in public places than in private in every timeline

12-4

pls not the time jump again when he orgasms

Honestly, a pretty fun end and kind of makes me less upset at the other stuff. Like I'm still intellectually upset at it when I think about it, but I'm on a high from the fun stuff, so it doesn't feel as terrible as when I finished ep 11.

Overall:

A unique and enjoyable show, it was so fun to see all these characters in their specific situations and how they deal with them. The characters were all compelling, it's wild how I was into all their storylines. how charming each character/their story was, and how the story juggled them. It also made me see a bunch of actors in new lights, New most of all, as they acted in a role outside of their usual wheelhouse.

I think the most frustrating part for me was how it seemed like although they were getting at it, they never quite acknowledged that what Alex did to Jean that night was rape. It made me quite angry actually, especially how Alex's actions didn't feel like it actually took Jean's feelings and trauma and requests into account. I was at least glad that in that timeline, Jean doesn't get back with Alex.

Rating: 7/10

[yfmconfessions2]

oh no ❄️🎀 is Normal over a ship again everyone run (<- has read a 73 chapter fic about their favorite ship in 2 hours once) benapuff hcs because im Ok! yep im Alright! (kms) (these can be interpreted as platonic or romantic) - since puff is a good cook (uhm explaining that soon) (im gonna forget am i.) he makes benatar his favorite snacks and cake for bena’s birthday :D benatar,, uh he’s not really good cook imo sorry chat :'D once he wanted to surprise puff for his 21th birthday and he burnt the cake ,, 😭 - puff absolutely explodes (/pos) at physical touch. He loves hugs and and (dies). And benatar’s hugs are so warm. Like It feels really nice when you hug him and vice versa. And benatar loves hugging knowing this. For the first few times Benatar hugged Puff, puff tried to get away and starts trying to.. idk what this word in English is,, uhm he tries to pinch benatar but with his nails (and goddamn are puff’s nails sharp. They’re not long but they’re sharp like a knife) (this man is a literal cat I HOPE HE EXPLODES RAHH). Of course, he secretly likes it but it takes him so long to get used to it also he wants to keep his “(dumb) tough guy attitude” but after a while, he loves it sm that he stays in that position for such a long time (“puff dear, can you get off” “no ^_^") - puff (somehow??) rarely gets sick but when he does, benatar takes really good care of him. cant say the same for puff, he absolutely sucks at that shit its kinda funny actually. - (for the alien benatar fans out there):  only benatar’s antennas and tail show up when he’s super happy or really sad over something. So when puff compliments/praises benatar, benatar’s antennas and tail show up and his tail starts. Idfk the perfect verb for this,, moving?? Yeah moving like how a dog wags its tail. And even though puff prefers cats alot more and he’s kinda scared of dogs (a dog almost bit him once) (scared of dogs,, hi akito shinonome), he finds it really endearing :3 though he does jump a little everytime it appears. Like ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THIS MF TO GET USED TO IT (I mean can’t blame him honestly) was gonna include my deejane x christine (friendzone girl hcs) but this got too long so so sorry if this is super out of character btw =(( (this is what i do instead of focusing on my exams. some fucking cartoon band from 2010/2011. amazing. fuck you ❄️🎀)

I LOVE THE ALIEN BENATAR ONE... HELL I LOVE ALL OF THEM OMGMGMGMG

[specterscythe]

Album Review: Genesis by Baby Bugs

Requested by Dexhatesnormies (it/xim) my wonderful partner <5

Side note: I love the album cover, its so freaky /pos

TW FOR:

Cannibalism Depression Abuse Religion Swearing

I asked in a server I'm in with my partner whether they wanted a song analysis or an album review. More people said album review and one person gave a request, that being my partner.

I listened to it while walking at night and wow this is a depressing yet brutal listen. The vocals are so pained and so genuine, and the instrumentals are either hard hitting rock bangers or soft stripped back guitar. The lyrics in this album are so intriguing but for the most part I wont go too deep into them, as I'm no analyst.

Every song I've heard from this artist has been really well done, they feel like cries for help while also being really nice pieces of music.

I will give a short sentence or two for every song on the tracklist and give my final full thoughts and score at the end.

I am not biased because my partner likes this album, I genuinely do like this utterly gut wrenching project. Enjoy the review!!

PART 1: THE SONGS

AUTOTHEIST ★

SHORT THOUGHTS: RAHHHHH THIS SONG IS SUCH A BANGER. Genuinely garnered such a strong reaction from me. Goddamn this song is so good. Probably my favorite on the album. Its such a fuck you to religion I love that. Immediate playlister.

PRETTY FOR YOU:

SHORT THOUGHTS: This song is so fucked up but I love fucked up music so this song is great. The lyrics are powerful as they are sad. Its basically about someone trying to make themselves perfect for their partner, destroying who they are in the process. A real and soul crushing thing lots of people in unhealthy relationships face.

SINAHOLIC:

SHORT THOUGHTS: This one is such a fuck you anthem I love songs like this. Not much to say here, I really like it.

DRESS UP DOLL:

SHORT THOUGHTS: GOD THE VOCALS ON THIS PROJECT ARE SO GOOD. Baby Bugs is such a diverse vocalist, it kills it on this one.

ANGELS:

SHORT THOUGHTS: This is the song I have the least to say about. THE VOCALS ARE SO GOOD THOOO I LIKE IT.

I just wanted to put a transitional photo here whoops

PUPPETEER:

SHORT THOUGHTS: A banger. This person can fucking make a banger and also make it fucked up. I love the production on this album and it was all done by baby Bugs. They're a very impressive artist!

TEDDY BEAR SYNDROME

SHORT THOUGHTS: I really hope the person who made this album is in a better place right now. This song is gut wrenching, just a stripped back vent. What a song /pos.

CANNIBAL GIRLFRIEND

SHORT THOUGHTS: RAHHH GIRL THAT EATS PEOPLE. This song goes crazy though its probably got some dark deeper meaning but RAHHH YEAHHH CANNIBAL GIRLFRIEND.

TAPEWORMS:

SHORT THOUGHTS: Similar style to Teddy Bear Syndrome, no flashy guitar just pure deep poetry. I hope this album helped Bowie's mental health. This album is so good.

I TOLD YOU SO:

SHORT THOUGHTS: I like it, I wish it went on a little longer. Probably if I had to pick this would be my least favorite.

PART 2: FULL THOUGHTS

This album was a ride, 26 minutes of really good rock music. I'm definitely gonna listen to this again at some point, I really really enjoyed this listen! It's a very depressing deep album made with care and a genuine passion in the lyrics and production.

Goddamn this album is sad, but that is not a point against it. This album is a work of fucking art and MASSIVELY underrated. Give this album a listen if you can. Thank you to my partner DEXXX for recommending this to me, follow it!!

My only real issues were I wish it was longer, I feel like it needed more songs to fill the story but I love the story they told in this album.

Favorite songs: Autotheist ★, Sinaholic, Puppeteer, Teddy bear Syndrome, Cannibal Girlfriend, Tapeworms.

Least favorite song: I told you so

SCORE: 8/10

Listen to the album here: Genesis

[haunted-homes]

I need more people to call me a Dyke, I'm so close to using Fag/Dyke pronouns permanently. Yes I'm fully aware it's a slur, but it makes me feel good! Like!

In the same way I get so excited at the Rabies Pride Flag, or silly Xenos, like. That's so Weird!! /pos You made something weird and unique and god I love being apart of that! I love being a Faggot! I am a Dyke and a Fairy, and a Tranny and I'm so fucking happy to be that, because I've never seen stronger people than the ones who proudly call themselves what we've been called out of hate and spite for years, with a fucking smile on their face!

Reclamation is beautiful. It's always been my favorite thing in media, any type of apocalypse brings beautiful, restorative reclamation. That's what it does for me. Everytime I call myself a Fag or a Dyke a part of me fucking Unwilts. It's like finding an oasis in the desert and that little kid who was so proud to kiss girls and be in a Polyamorous relationship, and who dreamed of being a Husband AND a Wife, they get to see the world through a whole new fucking lense and that shit is GODDAMN EYE BLEED RAINBOW BITCHES!!!!!!

Fronter/Poster - 🍯 W

[malusienki]

la traviata rant /pos

SKIP IF YOU DONT WANNA READ A VERY LONG AND PASSIONATE RAMBLE ABOUT LA TRAVIATA (spoilers i guess..?)

image: lisette oropesa as violetta and alek shrader as alfredo in the philadelphia opera’s 2015 production of la traviata :)

————————————————————————

ok ok ok i fucking LOVE la traviata, it’s a huge… comfort..??? i guess??? it’s the first opera i ever went to go see in person (IT WAS A DRESS REHEARSAL TOO LIKE!!!???) and it holds a place in my heart cuz i’m so familiar w the story yadda yadda

but oh my god. the amount of times i’ve went down RABBIT HOLES just analyzing violetta as a character and the whole plot in general is more than i can count on both hands.

not only that, but the second i got my hands on the novel it was based off (lady of the camellias by alexandre dumas, 100% recommend btw) i read that whole thing within like six hours during the school day because i was just so enamored.

listen it could be the autism talking but it is a MASTERPIECE. both the book and the opera are AMAZING and i don’t CARE that it’s a bit of a cliche love story romance i LOVE it so MUCH and i will DIE on this hill.

sempre libera is such a classic piece but i get JOY FROM LISTENING TO IT!!!!!! it’s how i found lisette oropesa (my absolute favorite opera singer ever to grace this earth) (the video where liu jianwei joined her when the tenor didn’t) but i love how she’s written to say “oh!” and “oh amore!” as she hears alfredo singing outside the window only to immediately snap out of it and be like “NO!!!!!!!!!! (maybe.)”

i don’t know what it’s technically called cuz i’m rlly not that good with aria/duet/recit/etc names but the like.. one phrase in the duet with giorgio germont where violetta is pleading his father to not separate them always gets me because its such an emotional moment. the part i’m referencing is the “Ah, il supplizio è sì spietato, che a morir preferirò” at the very end of her part which prompts giorgio to respond with “i know it’s a large sacrifice but please just hear me out girl”

addio, del passato never fails to make me want to bawl my goddamn eyes out because it grabs my heart and tears it apart . she just. wants to live. she wants to live for alfredo. and when he DOES ultimately return she’s hit in the face with the cold, hard and awful truth— that alfredo returning would not save her. WHICH, IN THE BOOK, HE NEVER RETURNS TO HER. SHE DIES ALONE. ALONE. READING THE PARTS WHERE IT WAS HER WRITING TO ALFREDO LEGITIMATELY MADE ME TEAR UP AT LUNCH BECAUSE IT WAS SO SAD AND YOU COULD SENSE THE DESPERATION OOZING OFF THE PAGES.

breathes in… breathes out. i promise im normal guys

image: lisette oropesa as violetta and daniel mobbsas as the baron in the same production as before :)

[speakingagain]

6/11/24 Tuesday, 2:25 pm

I'm so.....Mad. Empty. Frustrated. Exhausted. Sad. Alone. Everything I could be emotionally that doesn't have a positive side to it.

Everything below being "okay".

I'm not okay.

Not even close.

I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate my life (yes brain, I know this is a little overgeneralizing). I fucking hate what I let myself go through. I fucking hate that I had to start over. Again.

I fucking hate that I'm a year into 'starting over' and I'm still in the same god damn fucking position.

I hate my POS van. I hate that I had a 2016 jeep and I lost it because of him.

I hate that I had my own apartment and home that I could support individually and not rely on some stupid motherfucker to pay his portion. I hate that he and his brother made it an unsafe place for me and my dog.

I hate that I had a job that I fucking adored, with kids that meant the world to me and loved me just the same. I hate that I had to give it up because I couldn't stand to be around my husband.

I hate every goddamn thing about him.

I hate that he ever fucking touched my life.

I hate that I can't trust anyone to do the normal human fucking thing and love me for me because I'm a decent human fucking being.

I hate that I could have done everything myself and built my life for myself. I hate that I held on. I hate that he burned my life to the ground because he-

He was just himself.

Fuck him.

I can see why everyone fucking leaves you, asshole.

I can see why no one tolerates your fucked up brain, sense of humor, lack of respect, lack of responsibility, lack of accountability, lack of shits to give about anyone but yourself.

I hope your new girl realizes what a piece of shit you are before you get involved with her kids. I hope she realizes before you financially ruin her too. I hope she realizes before you start throwing things at her too. God forbid the kids.

I hope she stomps all over your pathetic ass heart and teaches you what real heartbreak is. And throws in a kick to the balls as well.

I'm just here rebuilding my life. I'm just cleaning my shit up like king Kong went ape shit on my city. I'm just trying to get better and trust myself, and maybe those around me.

Get fucked.

-someone who still blames you for ruining everything good in my life

[musamcal]

I got canceled?

Another SamCal official post incoming! And a serious one at least.

Well, I have mentioned sometimes before that I like to write songs as a hobby. A thing of my own. These songs I write can be considered poetry too since I'm just going to write lyrics based on my experiences, and the melodies of the songs are all in my imagination, coming from the top of my head. I just keep repeating the same damn melody for so long that I end up memorizing it.

I wanted to share and open up a bit about something with this new one I have been writing. It's not full, but here's what I've written:

"Piece by piece, it starts up small, then big.

Watch, me fall, from grace into defeat.

Am I that, irredeemable?

So much that you want, to drag my face through the mud...

I'm not perfect, I'm human, I also make mistakes

I feel guilty, please forgive me, I want to make amends

Not for my own reputation, I want peace to be set.

Why would you hurt me in revenge?

Should have stayed silent

Not one word spoken

Why couldn't I shut my fucking mouth?

I am not evil

And no saint either,

Nobody bothers to understand,

If I plead guilty,

Will you be happy?

Would you be fine? Would that be enough?

What more can I do?

You don't have to do this,

I am really not who you think I am

There is no crime here,

Rules weren't broken,

Just used my mouth before thinking twice

What is the point,

Of pointing my mistakes,

out to the world, and to drag me down?

We could have fixed this,

Only us both but

No, you chose to push me to the crowd

Did I deserve this?

To let somebody

To think two wrongs make it for a right?"

That is all that I have at the moment. You could probably tell already what is this song about. The thing is, I decided to write it after I had after a personal realization of mine. There have been several times in my past where I've been trying to redeem myself and own for mistakes I made to certain people, and unironically but coincidentally, all of these people have told others, "outed" me to the world, about the bad things that I've done to more people that didn't even need to hear about this. What is more intriguing is that, if I was being the one affected, I never asked for help unless I really showed I wanted it, because I always thought that closing myself, my emotions and my heart was the right thing to do, so everyone else would not have to deal with my pain and so, they didn't have to end up worrying about me.

Story 1

One situation was when I called this female classmate a bitch two years ago (It was two classmates actually, but one of them I ended up in better terms with after the incident, and for the rest of the year). It was a slip of the tongue and I meant to say it ironically since I was kinda tired of seeing them dance jokingly but "sexily" to some vulgar music while we were in a small public park for our PE Class at the time. No doubt I made the first wrong here. But holy shit I really look back and think "The fuck did I get myself into?" That time I really followed the saying of "fuck around and find out". Remember that I said it was 2 girls that I said this to? And that with one of them I ended up in better terms with? Well the other one... A piece of work I tell you, and she was bigger POS to me than I was to her. Sure, I screwed up first (and later that day I really felt guilty and said to myself "I really shouldn't have said what I said there, but why does it feel so exaggerated? Isn't like every teen alive cussing at each other very casually nowadays? Why is this any different? Were my words uncalled for? Ok let's assume someone hurt me the same way I did to them, what would I have done? I would have felt slightly insulted since I was taught to not take those insults to heart", but holy fuck she kept on dragging that small goddamn situation for ONE year. And it's not like I was a bully or anything like that. Sure, my opinion/impression of her after the incident wasn't positive by any means, but I did never went on my way to attack her or destroy her emotionally.

And something I wished that someone could have told me before in that moment is the emotional gender difference between men and women. The fact that us men TREASURE compliments (aka take to heart) because we rarely get them, and we receive insults more often (regardless if they're light or heavy hearted), so we tend to be desensitized from them when they're said more casually, but for women it's the opposite. They take insults to heart since they rarely get them, and become desensitized to compliments most of the time because they're often told positive things about them. And I mean all of this objectively because it's true to a general overall scale, and a certain extent too ofc bc not everyone's the same but still, you get my point.

Going back to the story, the next week I asked for her forgiveness and whatnot. I really felt guilty and tried to involve the least people as possible because I was dealing with both anxiety and past victim-blaming wounds too. With the help of one of my teachers I really wanted to apologize myself to these girls in front of him. I did and even asked for the "good" girl to give me a hug because the tears ran down my cheek and I didn't want this to repeat ever again. I was reckless and stupid. It was just a slip of the tongue that really showed what I thought of them in that moment, but I never thought anything bad about them before. I used my mouth before my mind in that moment, and that was it. I messed up and later owned the guilt of it. But the guilt would still be there, because the second girl would actually make an effort to drag me down even after 1 year of that stupid mistake.

She brought it up later one day, one year later almost, during virtual class (pandemic and shit) and she mentioned it to my social studies teacher at the time. I barely remember what happened afterwards this brand new incident since I have tried to ignore it all. She told the SS teacher, he arranged a date for us both to talk it with our parents and the school psychologist, the parents-teachers convo with us happened, we tried to solve everything and no further damage was done after the whole thing happened. Everything finally calmed down. We both recognized our wrongs and while it took me a lot of strength of will to forgive this girl, I did. If things apparently didn't end last year, then I wanted to get this over with asap one year after.

Nowadays to me that one situation is confusing and blurry. I remember the pain I caused and the pained I went through. Internally I carried so much guilt, and not only from that situation, but from past mistakes I thought I could forgive myself for. That's why I resorted to fix things as quickly as possible to avoid the emotional reactions. Get this over with and move on to make everything right. That's how I slowly started to behave with the most minimal things. I became stoic and tame. I would pay no further mind to how other people were or acted unless they actually damaged me emotionally. Now all of this affected me deeply because it happened in my real life, despite me not having a physical encounter with any of these people involved so... What about online?

Story 2

This song/poem I wrote was also based on me being canceled online. Yes. Me. A normal internet user being canceled. On Twitter (of course) of all places. Not here in Tumblr but in my other social medias I have a pretty decent amount of followers. So much that now it was possible for me to be "canceled".

This second story was between me and some nonbinary mutual I had on the website. We weren't online friends or anything. But oh man, the feels. The anxiety. My poor fucking mental health.

This is basically a recap in DMs of the whole story because telling it fully from scratch is completely tiring:

Yeah, I had an issue with someone on twitter. Fucked up with one person by saying something I shouldn't have. Took my time to properly apologize while still keeping my beliefs and expectations low. Offered them time to think about this before coming back to me again since I'd understand they'd be angry with me.

They twisted my words completely and posted the private DMS to the public, ruining a bit of my online reputation aka cancelling me for hurting their feelings. And when I posted my apology people said I was doubling it down and asking them to apologize to me (which is definitely a fucking absurd statement btw) since I never asked for them to do that if I was accepting I fucked up in the first place?? People left and right just kept nitpicking parts of the situation to still make me look bad. The mistake? Apparently trying to say to someone nb that being misgendered was expected of them since they were fem-presenting and AFAB and I said to them 'well, that makes you not any less valid than a woman'. (I saw this as also 'comforting then out of a label because that didn't define truly who they are regardless of gender) Take it as how you will but I'm not in the mood for gender neutral discussion neither do I care for that at the moment. I reflected and thought 'ok maybe I DID mess up so I'll see how to apologize' but no. they just instantly labeled me as transphobic when all of this happened.

Considering this could have been solved private, it's extremely petty despite my actions. Like sure I made the first wrong here, but it's just not worth it if it doesn't impact you in a way that it changes the whole fucking trajectory of your life. This wasn't cyberbullying, harassment or grooming. This didn't cross beyond the line of what was legal nor inmoral. Maybe hurtful yes, but I made the effort to make amends and gave it a few hours or days so the other person responded back more calmly and civilly.

Even the people that pointed out the situation were like 'hey I know what this person did wasn't right but exposing them like this is not right as well' and these people with actual common sense still got doubled down for speaking the truth.

I talked like to 6 friends about this whole thing. All of them agreed that I didn't deserve this and they all saw both perspectives of the matter while I still showed empathy for whom I hurts and brought me down.

Thanks to them, and my strength of will, I didn't let myself drown in the negativity and focused instead of living normally.

Even when I showed my apology public people still got fucking mad at me for no reason like "you're stubborn, go educate yourself, grow up" et fucking cetera.

And I was like "I can't afford to care anymore. I'm not submitting to the negative comments of others. I did what I could do the most, and while I wished that I could have done more, unfortunately my life doesn't revolve around social media and twitter. I have school, family, friends, teachers, class assignments, homework, food, pets, health habits and other needs to attend" rather than what people had to say online. And they called me selfish and told me things like "you only care about yourself and your reputation eh/you're selfish". So it's selfish to apologize, move on and live my own life. Ok. Got it.

That's my queue to leave the twitter side of the Minecraft community. I honestly love watching others play the game, but I'd love to engage more into other communities in which I'm actually active as well (like music, FNF or Just Dance ones since I do content based on those 3 different things). This person happens to be friends with some Minecraft CCs I like watching so I'm staying of their YouTube comment sections and Twitch streams for a bit, regardless of what they think of me were they ever spot me online.

Also no, I'm unironically, genuinely and very much definitely not transphobic. There's a few trans people out there I do admire and like following, but not because they're trans either. People who i actually find interesting for what they do and how they are more than for who they are.

I just saw the amount of attention that fucking post got. I want to be KO'd on the head be led unconscious.

I need fucking help or some shit bc Idk how the fuck to deal with hate.

More than 100 people saw this shit. Im fucking scared to be harassed. Think it was the right call to lock my accounts but still man I feel like shit.

This was the first part of the story. Then I said this after I had a realization:

Yeah... I messed up even more and realized too late

Apparently I said 'asking you to apologize', when I actually meant 'asking you for forgiveness' instead

My dumbass stressed brain threw the word so much around in my own mind that made me seem like the person I hurt *owed* me an apology. And I was like 'the fuck? I am the one in the wrong so why would they do that?'. Then I realized my grammar mistake.

perdonar in english has two translations = apologize & forgive. Same meaning, different uses for different contexts. My brain wired itself to just use one meaning of the word without even thinking about the other one.

(For further context, yes I'm English/Spanish bilingual so even if you hear me speak fluently or redact text pieces very accurately, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M INMUNE TO MAKING ORTOGRAPHIC, GRAMMAR, VOCABULARY OR SEMANTIC MISTAKES. Also this day I was being cancelled I had some serious business to attend with my family involving our stay in the United States, which I rather won't speak about but had I let myself drown in negativity that day, I'd have ruined the errand I was in)

This last story made me learn a few new things: Never tell nonbinary people the truth and stick to theirs to appease them and make them feel good or if not they'll just throw a tantrum and make you look like the most absolute scum of the earth. Maybe it's an exaggeration, or maybe it isn't, but still, my point stands. This doesn't mean go harass nb people instead of respecting them like any other human being deserves respect.

While I talked with some LGBTQ+ friends about this thing and they told me things like "be more inclusive/be more accepting/it doesn't cost that much to respect others" and they're right, that's not what concerned me the most. Like, yeah, I know I should treat others with respect and all what I could have done was done, but the fact that many other people I was in good term with just, instead of giving me a second chance or reaching out to me they just either unfollowed me or blocked me because of what this person said. I was stressed, embarrassed, humiliated, and all those feelings that I felt from Story 1 were coming back to my gut. I wasn't about to apologize to them all individually since I never hurt them myself in the first place. Sure they can be disappointed in me but like... You can't instantly believe I'm some sort of asshole who treats everyone like this? These people are mostly from MCC The Show (which obviously, I don't mod for anymore), and knowing that some of them are from Noxcrew that probably means I have zero chance to ever make it into MCC or to be accepted in the MCC community ever again (maybe I'm exaggerating here idk). Even if the stress of the situation has dissipated a lot, the lingering anxiety of a 'what if they bring this up again' outcome is unbearable. I did talk to a couple of the ex-fellow mods who were still my friends and told them how I messed up, that I felt guilty and regretful for not shutting up and needed to destress myself after being canceled. That the amount of hate I received I couldn't deal with, so I focused on what truly matters in my life as I listed previously. One of my friends said she let herself do be drowned in the negativity, and I understood why would she felt like that. Maybe I was more strongly willed to keep my head up than she was, but I understood her sympathy too. She checked up on me and we spoke for a bit a few days after this thing went down. Our conversation was profound and I will always be thankful for her concern and approach.

Now I don't care if this person I hurt in Story 2 accepts or refuses my apology. All they did to me, stress me out, making me sink into my old sins and past errors, I have found in myself the will to give them mercy and forgive them what they did to me. Sure it wasn't deserved, but regardless, I can't hold a grudge against them forever; because if I do, I'll just grow ireful and vengeful. Hell, I even understand perfectly what does it feel to being other people down, because even I tried to do that to Trobinguy in defense of Handzy (these 2 people were creators of two different pairs of OCs of Ruv's parents, Ruv being the character from the Friday Night Funkin mod called Mid Fight Masses) since Robin hurt Handzy and I tried to step in and defend her by bringing this guy down to the public thinking I was in the right when I had no business in interfering. Weeks after this cancellation attempt both Robin and Handzy made peace with each other behind the scenes, which brought me to approach to Robin and ask for his forgiveness after I said what I said about him in negativity, with awful regret. Thankfully he accepted it and we also stayed in good terms afterwards since no further harm was meant to be.

I understand blaming others. I understand suffering the insults of others. I understand insulting others. I understand interfering rightfully. I understand interfering where I shouldn't be. I understand every damn role in these troubles and conflicts and how, when, where and why I should or should not act. I understand being the cause of other's' suffering, and being the one who suffers. And regardless of all that, even when I try to humble myself to abide to what other people want me to do in order to fix things, there's always someone willing to believe I am truly heartless and evil.

Hey, maybe I am exaggerating, maybe I am not. But I wouldn't have written all of this if I didn't feel guilt-ridden for all I did. This post in also no way of mine trying to affirm that things didn't happened, because they did and there was both causes and consequences. I do firmly believe those consequences may have not been fitting for the size of my actions, but nonetheless, something it's better than nothing. I reflected on what I did and I have moved on from it completely. If someone in the future wants to bring this up I will just show them this post.

Also this post is no reason to condone illegal/inmoral behavior or to make of them easy subjects to deal with. These are my own experiences, mistakes, errors, troubles, feelings and reflections. In no way I am condoning the same behavior to other kinds of bad actions about anyone else, which I hope I will never be the cause or victim of them anytime in the future.

[cheolkanojo]

inhales. exhales. okay, i have SO MUCH TO TALK ABT SO LET’S GO (had to put the read more just bcs)

okay before i start this is actually kinda stupid but you did say to go all out on screaming abt this fic so I DID. INITIALLY. ON THE TAGS. AND THEN TUMBLR DECIDED TO GIVE ME THE “YOU REACHED 30 TAGS!” POPUP. WHICH WAS ANNOYING BCS I STILL HAD SO MANY THINGS I WANTED TO TALK ABT. so here we are.

secondly, pls do forgive me for not having replied to your reply(?) on my comment the other day (i’ve read it but haven’t got the time to reply back </3 but ur so sweet i hope you always get nice comments ily) BUT I AM BACK TO SCREAM ABT THIS MASTERPIECE

okay that’s enough rambling from me, LET ME START.

I ALRD SCREAMED FROM THE BEGINNING LIKE WHAT WAS “AND SEUNGCHEOL LIKES RED”??? HUH???? FUCK OFFFFF GURL YOU ARE WHIPPED (and so am i) IM LOVINGN THIS DEVELOPMENT

and god fuckign dammit THEY ARE HOLDING HAAAAANDDDKSHRKSHFSJDJ NO WAY THIS IS WAYyyYyYY TOO CUTE!!!1!1! and the whole dinner part with team svt (and dae and yejun <3) is so, so sweet. i love team svt. i love their friendship sm. I LOVE HOW CHEOL JUST SITS BACK AND ENJOYS THE ATMOSPHERE. IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS IS SO CANON HE LOVES THEM SM

THIS PART THOUGH “you wonder if he’ll ever look at you like that in the future” MY GOD. AAAAAAKADHSKFHEKFJSKD I CANNOT. I CANT. AAAAAHNANDSJDJS 🥹🥹🥹🥹

also this is a must mention: SUGAR DADDY CHEOL. HE IS SO DAMN HOT??????? GOD DAMMIT. i think i literally just MELTED AT THIS PART. FUCKKKKK daddy pls pay for my food and bills too i am broke

now to the part where you just GAVE ME A FULL EXPERIENCE OF AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER RIDE. AAARHENDHSSKFHD THIS HURTS SO MUCH… BUT ALSO I CAN FEEL SO MUCH LOVE FROM SEUNGCHEOL… he’s so sweet… i cant do this anymore… /pos

(also i rly rly want to point this out, but the way you narrate how they hold hands in the car… it’s rly sweet. got me crying. i love these two sm)

ah yes. THE PART WHERE CHERRY (it’s almost awkward writing my own name but it also got me squealing every time cheol calls her “cherry” bcs it’s technically MY INTERNET PSEUDONYM) THINKS ABT ALL THOSE ✨DOMESTIC THINGS✨ WITH CHEOL. IT’S SO GODDAMN CUUUUUTEEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭 (I HOPE WE GET TO THE PART WHERE THEY ACTUALLY DO DOMESTIC THINGS TOGETHER INSTEAD OF JUST DREAMING ABT IT ASAP) (or not. i love slowburn) she’s so adorable with cheol. I LOVE HER I LOVE THIS DEVELOPMENT (99)

(also can i just say… “my pretty girl” ahaha… “my” ahahah… “MY pretty girl”… “my PRETTY girl”… FUCK OFFFF /POS)

her relationship development with seoah is also super, super sweet (im sry rip vocabulary i only know the words sweet hot cute and “i love them sm”) and i love how seungcheol has some sort of an impact there… 🥹🥹 i rly cant wait to see more of her and seoah!! (and dae!! i miss her)

ALSO WHEN SHE GOT THE UPPER HAND ON CHEOLLLLLLLLL OH YESSSSS WE LOVE THE DEVELOPMENT HERE (937493)

ALSO(2) ASSERTIVE!CHEOL MAKES AN APPEARANCE HELLO????? AND CHERRY’S JUST SO OBEDIENT EXCUSE YOUUUUU THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR MY HEART AND SOUL (every time cheol has his hands somewhere on cherry’s body and every time they hold eye contact esp when cheol holds her chin just got me 🫠🫠🫠 melting into a puddle 🫠🫠🫠🫠 this is it im beyond saving)

also!!! (3) i just wanna say i really, REALLY love the reader’s character here. have i said that? idk, but i will say it again and again. I ADORE HER SO MUCH 😭😭💞💞💞 (and cheol. your writing of cheol is without question, RLY RLY GOOD. i love u)

in conclusion: this chapter was AMAZING. a huge emotional roller coaster ride, but i loved every second of it 🥺✨ soft!cheol made LOTS of appearances here, and he rly made me melt and cry and screaming into the pillow. i love him. i love the way you write him. i love their relationship. (and i just wanna say i adore the way you write in general?? your narration is SOOOO GOOD. definitely gonna read all of your other fics when i have time!! ♥️)

anyways. yeah. uh. this is a lot. i hope you don’t mind all of my screamings and random side comments here and there 😭💦

thank you so so much for writing this fic, for putting your effort into each and every word. i hope you have a great day (or night) and once again, cheol loves you 🫶🏻💞✨

pretty please (stay with me) || c.sc | 3

“After being assigned a fashion show for your big senior project, you set off to find volunteers to make it successful. However, when you meet Choi Seungcheol and his unfriendly clique through your volunteers, you realize they’re an unwanted package deal you can’t escape from. Can you handle Seungcheol’s obnoxious friends, and can he handle your brash behavior?”

🍒 Pairing: businessMajor!Seungcheol x fashionMajor!Reader (afab)

🍒 Rating/Genres/AUs: M(18+); Slice of life (!!!), slow burn, drama, fluff, angst; Unrequited enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, college au

🍒 Warnings: General tws + mention of death, mention of divorce, sugar daddy seungcheol (we love to see it)

🍒 WC: 12.6k

🍒 Betas: Sarah, Indi, Kelly, Freya 💖

🍒 Author’s Note: Already halfway through the series! Thank you for all the support I've gotten so far! (no I won't stop saying thanks bc I'm grateful for you all!). I'm really relieved people like it since I enjoyed writing it a lot ♥️

also read here: AO3 | Wattpad

seventeen masterlist | main masterlist

previous chapter \\ pretty please masterpost // next chapter

You sit on the edge of your bed, legs bouncing with anticipation.

He will be here any minute, and like before, you’re suddenly self-conscious of your outfit. You didn’t change it as many times as you did last time, but you still thought hard about it. You end up donning a black faux fur tube top, high-waisted black pants, and black heels. 

Your red pumps are an option, but you think they’re too much—a little too dressed up for a simple dinner… But then again you are wearing a top that resembles a fuzzy rug, so the outfit is already borderline “too much.”

And Seungcheol likes red.

Your eyes dart to the discarded shoes in the corner. Does it matter that he likes red—on you, to be more specific? If you wear those, will he think you wore them for him? Do you want to wear them for him?

As the questions tumble into your mind, you barely register your door opening.

“Honey?” your father asks gently.

Your head pops up to see him entering your room. “Yeah?”

“How late are you going to stay out?” he wonders.

You give him a quizzical look. He rarely questions you on your outings, let alone the duration.

“I’m not sure. I can bring home some food for you and Seoah,” you offer, thinking he needs you to bring back dinner since you will be gone.

“No need. I’m going to take her out once you go,” he replies.

You’re never good at hiding your reactions. Your eyes widen slightly before narrowing. This is odd coming from your dad.

“What’s the special occasion?” you wonder. You can’t recall the last time he took you both for food or just out in general.

“There’s none,” he says. You stare at him in silence as you take in his appearance. His usual eye bags are still present, but he looks more freshened up than you’ve seen in a while. It also looks like he put some effort into his outfit.

“Are you dying?” you ask, thinking he is trying to leave a positive impression before he leaves this earth.

Your dad’s eyes enlarge. “No, no, I’m healthy. I just,” he sighs. “Seeing your mother again made me realize I haven’t been very attentive to you and your sister.”

“This isn’t the first time she’s come back though,” you reply, confused as to why this time is different.

“I know. I can’t really explain it right now,” he says. “Are you going out with Dae?”

“Yeah—” a buzz from your phone “—she’s here.”

You stand up from your bed. “We can talk later, if you have time.”

“I’ll find some time,” he says. You aren’t sure if that is really going to happen, but you don’t want to ponder on that now. “Come back safe.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. Talking to a caring dad has your mind-boggling. You want to feel like your father is actually going to be in your life, but he’s been out of it for years, so it’s hard to imagine that changing.

Your father nods and makes his way out of your room. 

A knock at your door startles you from your daze. Before you can overthink the decision, you hastily kick off your heels and replace them with the red pumps. You apply a layer of matching lipstick, then toss the stick in your purse while you jog to the front door. Though what you see isn’t ideal.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ln,” Seungcheol greets respectfully.

“You as well, Seungcheol,” replies your father. You can’t see his face from where you are, but he sounds friendly. Not that he shouldn’t be. He has no reason to be hostile. You just aren’t sure if he’ll try to play the tough dad or not.

Plus, a part of you worries Seungcheol will be able to see past the “perfect family” facade and see all your imperfections.

You gently push your way in front of your dad, turning to face him with your back to Seungcheol.

“I’ll see you later,” you tell him and nudge him inside so you can close the door better.

“Now, just wait a minute, Yn,” he says and looks over your shoulder to Seungcheol. Your body tenses. He is not about to give the whole get-her-home-by—

“—by eleven o’clock. I trust you’ll keep her safe.”

Seungcheol doesn’t appear to be bothered by your father’s little protective speech. Instead, he gives him a reassuring smile. One that a gentleman would wear and one you aren’t used to seeing from him. Normally you get teasing grins.

“Her safety is my top priority,” Seungcheol says earnestly.

Oh God, now you’re stuck between a rom-com conversation.

“Great. Now that you’re both done going through your lines, can we go?”

“Lines?” your dad questions. You aren’t about to waste any more time explaining your lame reference to common daughter-father-date discussions. Not that Seungcheol is your date.

“Is that Seungcheol?!” Seoah’s voice rings behind your dad. Not her, too.

“Yup, it’s slang, bye Dad!” you quickly say, and instead of shoving him back inside as you planned, you turn and shove Seungcheol down the stairs.

“Hey, wait!” Seoah calls out and zips past you to Seungcheol. Seungcheol stands at the bottom of the steps, eyeing you with confusion at your strange behavior. He looks at Seoah when she stands at the top of the stairs.

“Hey, Seoah,” he waves at her. 

What did she do to deserve one of his dimple-inducing smiles?

“It’s good to see you back,” she beams, a grin on her face.

“You too,” he chuckles.

“Back?” your father asks.

Your attention zooms in on Seoah, and you hope the silent glare you give her is recognized by her. Her mouth drops open at the realization.

“I mean, it’s good to see your back! It’s nice,” she corrects quickly, gesturing around his body. “It’s, erm, wide and cool.”

“His back is wide and cool?” echoes your father slowly in puzzlement.

That’s enough.

Seungcheol laughs, his obnoxious little deep “ha’s” ringing in your ears. You quickly grab his arm and start to drag him away. 

“Have fun at dinner,” you say to your family while you briskly walk away.

Despite Seungcheol being strong enough to pull himself out of your grasp, he lets you lead him to his car.

“Do you think my back is wide and cool too?” he teases.

You whip around to look at him, pausing in your trek. You’re standing a little too close than you intended. “No, I think it’s mediocre and dull.”

He laughs again at your response. You flicker your eyes to the sky as you take a deep breath.

“Not another word,” you warn before guiding him to his car.

Your hand is on the passenger’s side handle, ready to pull it open, but Seungcheol stops you. He gently pushes your hand off before placing his own on the handle.

“I’m perfectly capable of opening your car door myself,” you grumble, arms crossing over your chest.

The corner of one of his lips raises. His eyes drop to your lips briefly.

“I know, Cherry,” he says, then averts his gaze back to your eyes, “but I’m chivalrous, remember?”

He pulls the door open and nods to get in. You narrow your gaze at that, wanting to challenge him on if he truly is.

“Can you guys stop flirting and get inside? I’m hungry,” Dae’s voice pulls you from your staring contest. You forgot she will be in the car already.

“You heard the lady,” Seungcheol murmurs to you.

“You’re going to get this heel stuck so far up your ass, Choi Seungcheol.”

He chuckles and leans in closer, voice dropping so only you can hear, “Sounds kinky, baby.”

You push down the fluttering of your heart at the pet name because you refuse to let him get away with that cocky reply.

“If you both don’t get in now, I’m leaving you guys and taking the car,” Dae threatens.

You glare at Seungcheol for a second longer before lowering yourself in the seat.

“Finally,” Dae mumbles when Seungcheol climbs in.

“Sorry, there was an… incident that delayed us,” you say and set your purse in your lap. Dae leans forward, placing a hand on your arm to turn you toward her.

“You don’t look sick,” she observes to herself. You scoff and brush her hand off you.

“Because I’m not,” you say.

Seungcheol starts driving as you speak with Dae.

“Are you sure?” she wonders.

“Why would you think I’m sick?”

“Because you apologized.”

You peer back at her, unamused. Dae just smiles.

“She also says please now,” Seungcheol chimes in. You groan at his addition and press your back into the seat. Your feet almost kick like a kid throwing a tantrum, but you hold back that urge.

“Well, now, she’s always done that…sort of. Have you been saying please more? I’m shocked. What about your ‘thank yous’? You haven’t forgotten those right?” Dae asks as if speaking to a child.

You sigh loudly, making it as audible as you can so they know how annoyed you are. Apparently, all Seungcheol’s outings result in your misery one way or another. “I’m not agreeing to any more of your invitations, Seungcheol.”

“I doubt that. You like my company too much to refuse,” he replies. He doesn’t appear to be bothered one bit by your statement.

“Does she now?” Dae wonders aloud. You don’t like where her mind is wandering to.

“Hush it, you two. The only tolerable one here is Yejun,” you huff, having seen him for a second when you glanced at Dae. He was on his phone then, but now he’s sitting back enjoying the bantering between you all.

“I’m honored to hear that, Yn,” he teases.

Even though the car ride consists of Seungcheol and Dae teasing you and Yejun, you’re grateful to get your mind off the troubles you’ve been having lately.

When you arrive, you quickly open the door and step out before Seungcheol can open it for you.

“I beat you this time,” you gloat as Seungcheol comes to stand by you, locking his car once the others are out.

There’s a small bounce to your step when you exit that causes Seungcheol to give you a warm smile, eyes staring at you with tenderness. 

“That you did, Cherry.”

Your elevated shoulders deflate while a pout takes over your features. His reply is too casual. You had expected something more witty.

“While you two do a round two of flirting, Yejun and I are going to go inside,” Dae says before wrapping her arm in Yejun’s and leaving you both by the car.

She walks away too fast for you to reply, so you turn to Seungcheol. He wears a red turtleneck, black pants, and a black leather jacket slung over his arm. The shirt hugs his body nicely; it outlines his muscular chest ever so slightly and makes you yearn to see more. His hair is styled a little to still look natural but gives it a different appearance. He’s really handsome tonight. Red seems to be his color as well.

“You’re not going to wear that?” you wonder while pointing to his jacket.

He shakes his head. “It’s too hot right now.”

“Then why did you bring it?” you ask, eyebrows coming together.

Shrugging, he takes your hand in his. Your first instinct is to pull away—startled at his sudden touch. You’ve never held his hand before. The act seems a little too intimate… Makes you feel a little too warm.

Nevertheless, you keep your hand in his. The feeling is rather nice if you’re being honest with yourself. His grip is firm to make the grasp feel secure but not too tight to be suffocating. It’s as if he’s just naturally used to having a strong grip on things.

“We don’t want to keep them waiting,” he says before making his way to the restaurant. You stay silent as you walk next to him.

“I’m glad you listened to me,” he comments when you are near the entrance.

“Huh?” you ask, glancing up at him.

He gives you another smile and reaches past you to hold the door open.

“Red still looks good on you. Even if there’s only a little of it.”

So he did notice.

You tear your gaze from him at his compliment, heart beating quicker. You can’t keep it steady even if you try. You feel a little proud you decided to go with the shoes after all. 

You mumble a ‘thanks’ before walking inside. He follows behind you, greeting the host. The host gestures to where your friends are all seated before wishing you a good dinner. It almost looks like they are a group of people celebrating something, but you know they aren’t. There are just a lot of you. And of course, the two empty seats happen to be next to each other at the end.

“Hi, Yn! Hey Cheol,” Joshua greets. When everyone notices you, there is a chorus of hellos. The large welcome has you smiling, not used to the friendly attention. 

All the people who are helping you with your project are here, plus a few others. They make you promise not to talk about the show before sitting down, claiming you need a break from it. You want to protest as you can talk about whatever you want, but they have a point. You probably do need a mental breather. Thus, you agree to their conditions.

You sit between Seungcheol and Wonwoo, who you just met. He’s a film production student and like Vernon, keeps mostly to himself. Despite that, he isn't shy to engage wholeheartedly in the conversation if he is passionate about the topic. You also meet Jun and Seungkwan for the first time—Seungkwan being the more outgoing of the two.

Seungcheol’s friends are a lively bunch, and although his business friends can get rowdy as well, their energy just doesn't match this group. It’s more relaxing, carefree, and so easy to slip into. However, a part of that can be because you don’t feel like you’re on defense the entire time.

For the first time in years, you are surrounded by people you thoroughly enjoy—without the stress of being the best, viewed as being the enemy, and the pressure of keeping your family together with tattered strings. It’s all so… alleviating. Comforting.

Seungcheol keeps his arm hung over the back of your chair as you attentively listen to his friends. Sometimes you would feel his hand on your back and would turn to see if he needed something. He always shook his head and nodded back to who was speaking—sometimes it was multiple, and you just picked the closest conversation you could hear.

You’re so used to hearing Seungcheol’s voice that you don’t realize how quiet he can get. At first, you’re concerned, but you realize he’s enjoying sitting back and watching his friends have fun. You don’t know how long he’s known these people, but from the fond look in his eyes, you know the duration doesn’t matter. They mean a lot to him.

You wonder if he’ll ever look at you like that in the future. Like you are someone he cherishes and adores. Suddenly, you want to try everything in your power to achieve that.

Once the food arrives, you figure the noise will quiet down. That isn’t the case. The table is still chatty even though it should be filled with munching. You suppose this is the pros of being with a large group.

Seungcheol had moved this arm so he could eat, but he put it back when he was done. When his fingers graze your back for the nth time, you finally peer behind you to see his hand. You giggle as you realize he’s been playing with the fuzz of your top the entire time.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly apologizes and retracts his arm from your chair. You grab his wrist, guiding it back to where it was.

“It’s fine. It’s nice,” you murmur.

“And cool?” he taunts, referring to Seoah’s attempt to hide the fact that Seungcheol had been to your house before.

You scowl at him half-heartedly before turning away. In spite of the loud environment, your ears still catch his low chuckle behind you.

Not once this night did Seungcheol put on his jacket. He never came close to needing it. Nevertheless, he didn’t hesitate to drape the material over your shoulders when he saw you shiver for the third time. There’s a tiny part of you that wonders if he brought it just for you. Though that’s a reach as he wouldn’t have known what you were wearing. You could have brought your own.

Despite feeling warmer, you miss his hand touching your back. Sometimes it would tickle your bare skin whenever you moved a certain way; it had shivers running down your spine. It could’ve been because of his cold hands, but you knew it was more because of his skin touching yours. You’re tempted to remove his jacket just so you can feel his touch again.

“Hey Yn,” comes a voice behind you suddenly. You glance up to see Jeonghan. He leans on the back of Seungcheol’s chair to look at you.

“Hi,” you greet. He’s sitting on the other side of the table, so you wonder what brings him over.

Jeonghan glances down at Seungcheol, one hand on his shoulder. “Seungcheol.”

“Jeonghan,” answers Seungcheol suspiciously.

“So, I heard you’re paying for some people’s dinner,” Jeonghan trails off.

Seungcheol leans forward to move away from the man.

“Emphasis on some,” he replies.

“One more won’t hurt, right?” Jeonghan asks with an innocent smile on his face; however, you know that grin is more devious than it appears. It means trouble.

“Hm, you’re right,” Seungcheol answers, then glances past you. “I’m sure Wonwoo would love a free meal.”

Jeonghan whines at his reply. “Not him! Me! Pay for mine, buddy?”

“No,” Seungcheol says with a small laugh.

“Seungcheol’s paying?” Soonyoung’s voice rings out from across the table. Their conversation, albeit not loud, catches his attention. Or perhaps Soonyoung just has a keen ear for the words “pay,” “Seungcheol,” and “free”.

“No!” Seungcheol says, louder than before.

“Seungcheol’s paying?” More voices resound this time, all heads turning toward Seungcheol.

“No, I’m not,” the man in the center of attention declines. He sends a glare to Jeonghan.

“Isn’t he so generous?” Jeonghan says, disregarding Seungcheol’s answer, and goes to wrap his arms around Seungcheol. The latter man has no choice but to accept the hug as he is trapped due to the table.

Whoops, hollers, and thanks reverberate from the group.

Your eyes scan the table. It’s covered in plates. Sure, a few meals aren’t too bad, but paying for a table of sixteen is absurd. Perhaps they’re all joking with him. Though, when they all begin to file out of the building without opening their wallets, you know they’re serious.

Seungcheol stays seated as they leave, informing you both they’ll wait outside. 

You stare at Seungcheol in shock. You figure he’d be infuriated, but he looks relaxed still. Almost as if this isn’t the first time it’s happened.

You grab your wallet from your purse, plucking out your card and holding it out to him.

“I can help pay,” you say. Seungcheol glances at your offering. He smiles at you and pushes your hand back.

“I appreciate that, but don’t worry about it, Cherry.” He sounds amused as if you just offered him a popsicle rather than money.

“But this is way too much for you to pay alone,” you argue.

Seungcheol doesn’t let you see the bill and pays for the meal swiftly. However, you don’t need to see the total to know it’s a lot of money.

“Seungcheol,” you scold when he doesn’t listen to you.

He chuckles and slides his card back into his wallet. “Put that away, and let’s go, baby.”

He gestures to your card still in your hand before standing up and adjusting his clothes. It takes you a few seconds to move, still dumbfounded by him actually paying for it all and affording it, and him calling you baby. Despite him only calling you that three times, it still has the same effect it always has.

Not that you are counting.

He takes your hand in his again as he walks out, thanking the host once more.

“There’s the man!” Seokmin greets him with open arms when he sees Seungcheol.

Seungcheol shakes his head in disapproval, but he has a smile on his face. “You all owe me now.”

“You say that every time,” Seungkwan calls out.

“Exactly. You all have a tab open,” he says.

“We were thinking of getting some ice cream, you guys want to come?” Chan asks.

Seungcheol glances at you before saying, “I’ve got to get her home, sorry.”

“What?” you ask. “No, you don’t.”

“It’s almost eleven,” he answers. You sigh and shift your weight.

“You don’t actually have to get me home by then,” you say, remembering your father’s words.

“Yes I do,” he argues. He looks at Dae and Yejun before you can reply. “Do you both want a ride back?”

“Nah,” Dae says. “We’re going to get another one.”

“Alright. See you all later,” Seungcheol raises a hand in farewell.

“Thanks for paying!” Mingyu exclaims, a bright smile directed toward Seungcheol.

“It was nice to meet you, Yn,” Wonwoo says.

“Get back safely,” Jun adds.

“Thanks,” you answer and then peer at Seungcheol. He’s giving his last byes. Dae catches your gaze, giving you a big grin and a few eyebrow wiggles. You roll your eyes at that and send her a small wave as Seungcheol starts to lead you to his car.

When your friends start driving past, waving and shouting goodbyes while they leave the parking lot, you slow to a stop.

“Why don’t we go with them?” you ask.

Seungcheol raises a brow. “You want to go?”

“I don’t see why not,” you shrug. Truthfully, you don’t want the night to end.

“You like hanging out with them that much?” he teases.

“They’re not that bad,” you mutter, “and ice cream sounds nice.”

He lets out a breath as if in realization. He slides his hand from yours, which you are about to protest, and then drapes it around your shoulders.

“I’ll get you ice cream on the way back, okay?” he replies and continues to his car.

Seungcheol keeps his promise, stopping by a place to get you both a double-scoop cone for the drive. Compared to the last time you were in his car, this ride is a lot more relaxing. It’s quieter since Dae and Yejun are absent, but the music on the stereo fills the small space.

At a stop light, Seungcheol fishes his phone from his pocket.

“Come ‘ere,” he says, lifting the phone up at an angle.

You peep up while licking your ice cream. “Hm?”

“Smile,” he instructs and puts his cone in the frame.

Your gaze drifts to his phone, a puzzled look on your face just in time for him to capture a photo. You’re a second too late to understand what he’s doing.

Seungcheol laughs at your unreadiness.

“Hey! That’s not fair,” you whine and nudge him.

“That’s not my fault. I told you to smile,” he says. He sets the device in the cup holder when the light changes.

“But you didn’t give me enough time to do that,” you grumble.

Not wanting him to have the upper hand, you retrieve your own phone. You lift the device, both your faces on the screen but only you are looking at the camera. Seungcheol is focused on the road, so you quickly take a photo.

“Did you—? Okay, that’s not fair. At least I told you to smile,” he laughs when he hears a click, taking a quick peek at you.

“We’re even now,” you smile as you click on the picture in your gallery. Seungcheol’s side profile can be seen in the background. His tongue is poking out to take a lick of his ice cream. That part was unintentionally taken, but you find the candid photo endearing.

“For now,” he replies, lips in a wide grin.

Your hands are sticky after you’re done with your treat, so you dig out the hand sanitizer in your purse. Seungcheol gives you his palm upon seeing the item. You laugh softly and place some in his hand as well.

Everything feels so normal. It doesn’t help that he places a hand on your thigh so naturally that you can’t find an excuse to move it. At some point in the drive, you start playing with his hand, running your fingertips across his skin and toying with the ring he wears. You don’t even realize you are doing it until he slowly pulls away to put the car in park.

“Did you have fun?” he asks quietly.

For once, you don’t shy from the truth with a sarcastic answer. “I did. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Again, it wasn’t just me. They wanted you there,” he reassures with a kind smile.

That’s weird for you to hear, and you aren’t sure how to respond. You still can’t wrap your mind around the fact multiple people wanted to be in your presence. You mean, it wasn’t just yours, but normally people give you side-eyes when you’re near. Or perhaps you just feel like they do.

“I’m glad you came,” he says before turning off his car. “Now, wait while I open your door.”

You watch as he walks around the car and comes to your side. You want to disobey him, just to rile him up, but you decide to let him have this win. In all his chivalrous glory, he holds out his hand when he opens the door.

“Thank you,” you giggle as you take it and climb out of his car. He keeps his hand in yours leading you to your house.

“You don’t always have to walk me to the door,” you say.

“I can’t see the door from where I park,” he replies.

“You don’t need to?” you answer, but it comes out more as a question due to your puzzlement.

He chuckles and squeezes your hand. “Of course I do. I won’t know if you made it inside safely.”

“That’s kind of you, but—”

He turns around to face you, stopping you in your tracks

“I meant what I said earlier. Your safety is important to me,” he says, eyes locking onto yours so you can see his seriousness. Heat rises to your cheeks. You try to bite back the smile though it’s no use.

Seungcheol stares at you with gentle eyes.

“I like seeing you hap—” he starts.

A loud noise startles both of you, forcing you to move away from one another. You expect to see Seoah or your dad watching from the windows, but you don’t see any faces hiding behind the blinds.

What was that?

Another loud crash.

You don’t like the doom that creeps into your mind. Worried about your family, you rush to the door—only to find it slightly ajar. That doesn’t seem good.

“Seoah? Dad?!” you call out as you push open the door.

“Yn, stop!” Seungcheol urges and runs after you. He grabs you before you can get farther in. He moves you quickly so you are behind him.

“Get out of my way, Seung—”

“Who’s that?!”

You peer around Seungcheol to see your mother, a random knickknack you have around the house in her hand. Your eyes shoot down to the floor to see shattered glass.

“Are you out of your mind?” your father shouts and snatches the item from her hand before she can presumably throw it.

You shove Seungcheol out of the way. Well, you try to shove him. He stands firm in his stance. You try again, and although he still doesn’t move away, he leans slightly over so you can see better.

“What are you doing back?” you question your mother. She turns to you, eyes puffy and lips curled in a snarl. She looks like she hasn’t slept for a few days.

“Yn, dear. Hi sweetie,” she greets, voice softer than before.

Seungcheol watches her with hawk eyes, but when you push him for the third time, he relents. Though he still keeps close.

“Dad?” you ask, hoping to get an explanation.

“She came wanting her stuff back. I told her we had to sell some of it to afford things, and she wasn’t happy about it.”

“Am I supposed to be glad?” your mother growls as she turns back to your father. “You had no right to do that without my permission!”

“You weren’t here,” you say. Her gaze on you is one of surprise as if you’re supposed to be on her side.

“I was coming back,” she says, shoulders sagging.

“And then leave after a few days. This isn’t your home anymore.”

“You’re my home, baby girl,” she replies and starts to come closer. Seungcheol takes a step forward.

You put a hand on his arm to stop him, telling him quietly, “This isn’t your problem.”

This doesn’t make him move, and you sigh. This is exactly what you wanted to hide from Seungcheol. To hide from the world.

“Who is this? You’re letting our daughter see this disrespectful man?” your mother questions your father. 

“He’s a nice young man,” your dad defends. There’s an annoyed spark in you that wants to ask how he could know that. He met him for five minutes or less, and suddenly he knows Seungcheol? However, you don’t want to ignite another argument.

“Yn, take Seoah with you and go book a hotel room. You can take my wallet,” your father instructs.

At Seoah’s name, you realize she’s been home while all this has been happening. You’re used to her being somewhere else when fights like these occur. 

Without another word, you nod and start toward her room. You don’t get far before you remember Seungcheol. You stop to peer at him. 

You’ve never seen him so mad yet worried.

“Thanks for the meal. I’ll talk to you later,” you dismiss, hoping he will turn around and leave so you can focus on Seoah. You should’ve known he wouldn’t do that.

“Yn,” he says.

“Boy, get out of this house right now,” your mother declares.

“You’re the one that needs to leave,” your father exclaims.

Sighing, you grab Seungcheol’s hand and pull him down the hall. You knock on Seoah’s door. Your parents fighting can still be heard.

“It’s me,” you say. The door creaks open.

“What do y—Oh, Seungcheol!” Her eyes widen when she sees him.

You move in front of him more so she’s focused on you. “Eyes on me. Pack a bag. We’re going to a hotel.”

“Again?” she sighs. “I don’t want to. I can just put my headphones in.”

“It doesn’t matter. Pack. We’re leaving in fifteen.”

“I said I don’t want to!” she huffs.

“I don’t ca—” you hiss, only stopping when Seungcheol places a hand on your hip.

“You can stay at mine.”

Seoah’s eyes light up at this.

“Really?!”

“Absolutely not.”

You and your sister say in unison.

“Why not?” Seoah whines.

“We don’t need his help.”

Seoah stares at Seungcheol for a moment and then at you. Finally, she nods solemnly. “Alright, I'll be ready soon.”

“Good,” you reply, then walk to your room. Seungcheol follows you.

“You shouldn’t have said that in front of her,” you scold as you grab a bag, not bothering to look at him. He quietly closes your door to block out the noise outside, though you don’t hear it shut fully.

“Maybe not, but I meant what I said,” he replies.

“And I meant what I said,” you pause while putting a shirt in the bag, eyes glancing at him. He leans against the wall near your door; his arms are crossed. “We don’t need your help.”

You go back to tossing clothes in the bag in a rush. You kick off your heels and trade them for socks and tennis shoes. You don’t hear Seungcheol move until a hand is gently placed on yours.

“Just stop for a minute, Yn,” he says.

“I don’t have time.” You brush his hand off and go back to your closet. Seungcheol grabs your reaching hands and turns you to face him. He leans in so you can see his face easier.

“Stop,” he instructs, using that firm tone of his. It has you relenting. “It’ll be faster to just stay over. You won’t need to deal with a hotel. They may not even have an empty room.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with us,” you reply, chest jumbling with overwhelming emotions. You were happy with him just minutes ago. Now, you feel embarrassed and frustrated.

He shakes his head. “I want you to come. You won’t be bothering me.”

“Do you have a roommate? What would they say?” you question, thinking back to how some of his friends are rooming with each other.

“I live alone. I have a spare room Seoah can sleep in. It’ll be more comfortable there.”

“What about me?”

“You can have my room.”

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own room, Cheol.”

He smiles, yet it doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s nice to know you care about me.”

“I don’t,” you huff. “I just don’t want you to give me a hospital bill from the back pains you’d get from sleeping on the couch or floor or wherever.”

Seungcheol chuckles softly and watches as you take a deep breath. The playful moment disappears as quickly as it came.

You bow your head; wrists still clutched in his hold as you ponder his offer.

Staying at his place rather than a hotel does sound nicer, and he has a point there may not be any openings. Not to mention, it’s the cheaper option. But will this be crossing into territory that you aren’t ready for? You’ve hung out with him enough times to consider him your friend, but even then, that’s new to you. Friendship doesn’t come easy to you. Despite you clashing heads with his business peers, you feel Seungcheol has slid into your life too readily. Like it’s too good to be true, and he isn’t going to stick around permanently. Something in you doesn’t like that thought, but that’s an issue for another day.

Seungcheol places your hands on his chest before moving his own to cup your face. He gently lifts your head up to see you. Your eyes are glossy, not yet crying but can easily if one more thing goes wrong.

For the first time, your veil of confidence lifts.

“Stay with me,” he whispers.

He’s talking about going over to his place to get away from your parents. You know this. That’s what this whole discussion is about. But why does your heart tell you he means something else?

There’s a knock at your door, and you move away reluctantly. Seoah shuffles inside with a backpack on her back.

“He’s still here,” she says, surprised at Seungcheol’s appearance.

You clear your throat. “Yeah, we’re,” you pause as you do one final debate in your head, “we’re going to his place for the night.”

From your peripheral, you see Seungcheol’s lips lift in a faint smile.

Seoah’s sad face brightens at the news. You aren’t too sure why she’s so excited to go to his place, but you figure it’s similar to your reason—it isn’t a stuffy hotel room.

“You convinced her! You’re so clever!” she exclaims to Seungcheol.

“I am, huh?” he agrees to which you nudge him.

“Seoah, will you go grab my toiletries, please?” you ask.

“Hm, fine, but only because I forgot mine,” she replies and hurries to your shared bathroom.

“I’m clever, did you hear?” Seungcheol gloats while you finish packing.

“I’m pretending I didn’t,” you mumble. 

You zip the bag and toss it over your shoulder. As you expect, it doesn’t stay there for long. Seungcheol carefully slides it off your body before putting it on his a few minutes later. You had opened your mouth to protest, but he shook his head to tell you not to argue. Sighing, you nodded because frankly, you’re done having and hearing arguments for now.

You meet Seoah in the bathroom, and you all walk to the door. 

The yelling has stopped. 

Your mom is sitting with her head in her hands, and you can hear her sobs filling the room. Your dad is cleaning the mess she made from tossing things around. They are talking, but you don’t stay long enough to hear the topic. The few words you do hear make it sound like they’re talking about their marriage, which is a conversation long overdue.

Seungcheol ends up carrying all the bags to the car. While he sets them in the trunk, you and Seoah sit inside.

“Woah! This is fancy,” Seoah admires, eyes scanning the small space.

“Thanks,” Seungcheol laughs lightly as he drives away.

Seoah talks for a while before eventually falling asleep. You aren’t surprised as it’s late, and she probably doesn’t realize how much the drama took a toll on her.

“You can sleep too,” Seungcheol offers quietly. He keeps his hand to himself this time, and you wonder if it’s because of Seoah or because he wants to distance himself from you. You can’t blame him if he did. Who wants to deal with other people’s problems? He only offered for you to come over out of courtesy.

“I’m okay,” you reply, gaze cast out the window.

As if sensing your thoughts, his hand comes to rest on your thigh again. His thumb brushes against the material of your pants, offering some comfort and reassurance. You place a hand on top of his gently. He flips his over so he can curl his fingers around your hand. You both gaze at each other with a small smile before turning away, hands still clasping in each other.

Seungcheol carries Seoah and her bag once you arrive. He offers to carry your bag too, but you’re stern in your refusal. He’s helping enough. He directs you quietly to his apartment number. After retrieving the keys, you open the door.

His apartment is spacious.

The interior is polished and decorated nicely. Similar to his car, it’s enough to tell you it’s luxurious but not obnoxious to shove it in your face. And man, is he wealthy. From his car, his clothes, the dinner bill, and now his apartment? His pockets are definitely not empty. You’re sure he could rent or buy a house, so why he decided to live in an apartment is unknown. 

Seungcheol leaves to put Seoah in the guest bedroom while you lock the door. You place the keys in a bowl near the entrance. Some of his shoes are left by the door, so you take off yours before walking any farther.

“Cherry?” he calls out. A small smile forms on his lips when you respond to the name. He nods for you to come over, and you follow carefully as if you could break his flooring. You don’t think you can afford the repairs if you do.

“You act like you’re walking on glass,” he chuckles. He watches you with amusement.

“I don’t want to break anything,” you explain.

Seungcheol glances around where you are. The path you take is pretty much empty, but you still act as if you are going through a maze of porcelain vases.

“You’ll be fine. Now walk a little faster, please,” he says.

You don’t listen to him and keep your pace. Seungcheol eyes you as he leans his back against a wall. His head is tilted and his arms are crossed while he waits.

“You’re cute,” he comments when you come closer.

“Be quiet,” you hiss and take a few more steps before stopping in front of him.

“No,” he says defiantly, then guides you to another room. Although you don’t see the room he put Seoah in, you’re positive you have just stepped into his room.

You were so caught up with your family drama that you didn’t think twice about Seungcheol being in your bedroom. Now that you are in his, it dawns on you how much of your life he has seen in a short period of time.

It isn’t a big deal. At least, it shouldn’t be; however, bedrooms are personal. They often described the resident, and you and Seungcheol have seen each other's spaces in the span of an hour.

“The bathroom is over there,” he points out. “You can set your bag anywhere. I’ll be out there on the couch.”

“I should take the couch,” you say.

“Cherry, don’t argue. Not tonight. You’re sleeping here.” His words make it seem like he is tired of your complaints, but he talks so softly that it doesn’t feel like that.

“Fine,” you comply.

Seungcheol rewards you with a smile. “Goodnight then. I’ll see you in the morning,” he says and starts for the door.

“Cheol,” you murmur, reaching out when he comes by.

He stops as soon as he feels your hand grazing his arm. “Hm?”

Your eyes rise to meet his, and the look on his face has you needing to catch your breath. He is worried. Worried about your well-being. Worried about what would happen tomorrow. You don’t want him to stress over you.

“Thank you,” you speak softly, “for a lot of things.”

He chuckles and raises a hand to the nape of your neck, thumb caressing your cheek. “Care to be specific?”

“For dinner. For this. For not… leaving me.” Yet.

“I don’t think I would if I could,” he murmurs.

“You can, though?” you say, skepticism evident in your head tilt.

Seungcheol’s mouth curves into a small smile, eyes searching yours for something you don’t know. “You’ll know one day.”

That doesn’t help your puzzled state, but that doesn’t seem to affect him. Slowly, he leans in. His lips press against your forehead tenderly, lingering there long enough for you to close your eyes for a second. It’s gentle and sweet. You wish it was on your lips instead.

“Sweet dreams, Cherry.”

He leaves without another word, and you’re in such a stupor that you don’t have time to say anything before he shuts the door behind him.

Using Seungcheol’s bathroom and changing in his room is strange. Yet what’s more strange is that it doesn’t feel all that… weird? Not like you thought it would be. 

Is it another illusion you cast upon yourself? 

Seungcheol would stroll through the door, dressed in sweats and a loose shirt… or maybe not one at all. He would kiss your mouth in greeting. His broad body would press against yours, and he’d smile that smile that had you wanting to do anything to keep it there. He’d slide next to you in bed, whispering teases in your ear that would annoy you, yet you wouldn’t want him to stop.

Oh, hell. What is wrong with you?

Irritated at the mini story you conjured in your head, you kick at the jacket on the floor. However, you recall you didn’t bring a jacket tonight. Seungcheol had let you borrow his. You just kicked his jacket.

Oh no.

But it’s just a jacket. Why are you getting upset over it? You can kick it again. It isn’t going to come alive and bite you. Seungcheol will never know you fought with it, but something in you feels guilty about the action. Perhaps because it belongs to him, and you feel responsible for it since it’s under your care.

Shaking your head, you grab the item and hang it over his dresser. You’re losing it. Your marbles? All gone. Rolled off to another dimension, never to be seen again.

You move to his bed, carefully pulling back the covers to climb in. Your body sinks into the mattress, and a sigh leaves your lips at how good it feels under you. It’s comfortable, soft, and way too big for just you. You feel like royalty.

Leaning over, you switch off the night light, snuggling deeper in the covers and taking a deep breath.

Sleeping in his bed is surely a bad idea. His expensive cologne is lingering on his sheets and is a strong reminder of where you are. Nevertheless, you pull the covers closer to you as you close your eyes. You need a break from your tiring thoughts.

The morning comes sooner than you’d like.

You open your eyes expecting to see your pegboard of sewing supplies and instead see a black dresser. It has you jolting up and frantically glancing around. When you spot the black jacket on the dresser, you remember you aren’t home. You’re at Seungcheol’s.

You reach over and flip your phone to view the screen. It’s nearly ten.

You linger in bed, mindlessly scrolling through social media until Dae texts for a favor. You’ll fill her in on what happened later, for now, you’re forced to go to your gallery to send a reference of something she needs. The act has you stumbling upon the picture you took last night.

The stretch of your lips happens involuntarily as you stare at Seungcheol through your screen. Even though the night ended poorly, at least you have something to remember about the good times.

Having caught yourself staring at the photo for too long, you quickly exit the app and send Dae what she needs. That’s enough phone usage for now.

Reluctantly, you haul yourself from Seungcheol’s (beyond) comfortable mattress, fix the bed, and then go to the bathroom. After a quick change, you carefully open the door and pad out to the living room. You anticipate seeing Seungcheol sipping on something warm on the couch, but what you see instead has your heart tightening.

Seungcheol lays on his back, one arm resting across his eyes and the other across his chest. Some of his hair is trapped against his forehead due to his arm, and the rest dangles off the side. His lips are slightly ajar due to the position of his head. The blanket that was once over his body is now situated half on the floor.

You recognize his clothes from last night, and a pang of guilt hits your heart. He could’ve knocked on your—his—door and asked to get a spare of clothes, yet he left you alone. It was a selfless act, and you stare at him with newfound affection.

You shuffle in your spot, unsure of what to do. A part of you wants to be a creep and stare at Seungcheol longer—he looks too cute not to—and another wants to go back to his room until you hear some movement. Neither of these happens when you hear Seoah’s voice.

“Are you plotting his murder?” she whispers, though it’s louder than one.

You snap your eyes to her, feet moving farther from the sleeping man. You scoff, muttering, “No!”

“Then why were you staring at him like that?”

“I was not staring,” you argue. Seoah’s eyes narrow, unbelieving you.

“Were to! You weren’t even blinking.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“And you’re lying.”

You both eye each other down from across the room, sending invisible daggers each way.

“Go get dressed,” you finally say.

“Why?” she questions. “We’re going now?”

“Soon, yes.”

“But it’s so nice here. Don’t you think we should, I don’t know, cook him breakfast for letting us stay here?”

“We can give him a granola bar when we get home,” you sigh. Just once, can she listen to you?

“A granola bar? I didn’t think you hated him that much,” she gasps, overexaggerating her expression.

“You’re right. I don’t. I’ll give you the granola bar instead,” you threaten.

She giggles, and a frown sets on your lips at the sound. “You can’t. They’re all gone. I gave them to Dad.”

There’s a small puff of air somewhere in the room that doesn’t come from you or Seoah. The only other person in the room is… Your eyes go to Seungcheol. Sometime during your bickering, Seungcheol had woken up. He doesn’t have his eyes open or has even moved his body, but his lips were definitely not in a smile a few minutes ago.

“Did you hear that, Seungcheol?” Seoah asks. “Yn’s trying to kill you with granola bars.”

“Hm, I heard,” he chuckles softly, still a little sleepy. He peels his eyes open and leans his head to the side to look at you. The arm that was once over his eyes has shifted to rest on his forehead. 

“That’s not very nice of you.”

You should be irked at being ganged up on. They’re teasing you, yet your mind gets foggy from hearing Seungcheol’s deep timbre. He already has a deep voice, and you’ve heard it go deeper when he’s teased you, but this is different. 

And goodness, do you find it attractive.

“I think we won,” Seungcheol continues playfully and looks at Seoah with a smile.

“I think so too! She doesn’t have anything to say,” she giggles.

You blink a few times and then look at Seoah. “Why aren’t you getting changed?”

“This is why you don’t get invited to parties. You ruin the fun,” she huffs, smile dipping into a frown at your words.

“Parties aren’t fun in general,” you counter.

“Speak for your own parties!” she says.

“What do you even know about them?” you question. Seoah opens her mouth to answer but stops when Seungcheol speaks.

“Seoah, go get dressed, and we can get some breakfast. One that doesn’t include granola bars,” he chuckled.

“Oh?! Okay! Sounds good,” Seoah replies excitedly and turns to go back to her room.

“You listen to him and not me?” you scoff.

She stops in her tracks. “He’s nicer.”

“I’m your sister,” you answer as if that holds more weight.

“Right,” she drags out. “I revoke that privilege!”

She hurries inside the room and shuts the door.

“Privilege,” you repeat with a scoff and cross your arms over your chest.

“You should’ve been a lawyer,” Seungcheol says as he stands from the couch. You focus your attention on him, almost forgetting he’s there with how quiet he is being. His hair is sticking in different directions, and you have to force down a giggle.

“What? Why?” you question.

“Because you like to argue.”

“Hmph!” you sound and give him your back. A childish move, but Seoah isn’t here to mock you for it later.

Seungcheol laughs and comes up behind you. He places his hands on your hips, leaning his head to your ear. Your heart begins to race at how close he is. His breath tickles your ear, and you squirm at the sensation. Seungcheol holds you tighter.

“I think you would’ve been a good one,” he murmurs, voice still deep from his sleep. You want to listen to him more.

“Really?” you hum.

Seunghceol’s hair brushes against your cheek when he shakes his head.

“No,” he teases before slowly slipping his hands from you. You whip around to look at him.

“Where are you going?” you ask. Why do you sound so desperate? You don’t need to be near him. It doesn’t matter he’s leaving.

He smiles as he walks back toward his room.

“To get ready. Don’t miss me too much,” he replies, sending a playful wink and shutting his door.

Seungcheol comes back dressed in a simple black short-sleeved shirt and jeans. It’s not a combination you haven’t seen before. In fact, it’s really common, yet your eyes can’t tear away from him.

“Is it stained or something?” Seungcheol questions, glancing down at his outfit as he walks to you.

“N-no,” you reply and avert your eyes from him.

“You know you can tell me when I look nice, right? My ego will only inflate a little,” he says.

He plops down next to you on the couch, swinging an arm behind you and spreading his legs a bit. Your gaze drifts down to his thighs. They’re thick, and you wonder if they will be soft or firm under your touch. Your body instinctively inches closer to him like the temptation is too strong to ignore.

You hear Seungcheol try to stifle his laugh, causing your eyes to move away.

“A little?” you echo when you recall the active conversation. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

He smiles and shrugs. “Well, what can I say? A pretty girl giving me compliments makes my ego grow bigger than usual.”

“Cheol,” you whine, glancing away, wishing he wouldn’t say things that make your heart do somersaults. You had put those thoughts under lock and key because you are definitely not developing an infatuation with Choi Seungcheol.

Seungcheol tucks a finger under your chin and turns you to face him, so he can see your flustered expression clearly.

“My pretty girl,” he murmurs so low you have to strain to hear it.

Silence looms over you both. You swear he can hear your thudding heart. His hand glides from your chin to your upper thigh.

“You gonna’ give me that compliment now, baby?” he prompts lowly while his hand gently massages you.

“You look good,” you reply quietly, fighting to stay calm.

“Only good?” he hums.

“Really good.”

Seungcheol chuckles. “I guess that’ll do for now.”

Your lips tug down when he pulls away from you, making Seungcheol pause and smile.

“Don’t be sad, Cherry. You can compliment me more later,” he says. You have a feeling he knows the true reason for your pout but decides not to mention it.

You’ll have to work on hiding your expressions better. For now, you focus on making sure you and Seoah don’t leave anything before heading out the door. You don’t fight with Seungcheol when he takes your bags again. It’s just easier not to.

As promised, Seungcheol drives you all to a local breakfast diner. It’s lively—filled with all different walks of life. You see couples, friends, families, and some loners who don’t actually look alone. They seem content.

Seungcheol must come here often as most of the workers recognize him. They’re happy to see him with new people this time. You think you catch sight of one of them giving him a thumbs up, but it could’ve been directed to another patron.

“This tastes amazing!” Seoah exclaims, another fork full of pancakes entering her mouth.

“Don’t eat so fast,” you scold when you see her cheeks full.

She brushes you off with a wave of a hand but waits until she swallows what’s in her mouth before taking another bite.

“Is yours okay?” Seungcheol asks from across the table.

You had wanted to sit next to him, but Seoah had pushed you inside the booth and slid in after before you could have a say. Though Seungcheol doesn’t let the distance stop him from giving you affectionate touches. He has been brushing his leg against yours slowly under the table for the past ten minutes.

You glance at him and nod. “It’s great,” you say.

“I’m glad,” he responds before taking another bite as well.

The rest of the meal isn’t anything exciting. You all eat well, and when it comes time for payment, Seungcheol beats you to it. You try to pay, even going as far as trying to distract him, but he remains adamant. You reason he just paid for a hearty meal last time, and the least you can do is pay as a thank you for spending the night. He only shakes his head.

Seoah is much more awake on this car ride. Her mouth almost never stops running. She gives Seungcheol so many compliments on his apartment you figure his ego is bursting at the seams. He’ll be full of them for days. Then Seoah talks about you—well, tries to. You shush her every time she attempts to tell an embarrassing story.

“But he should know how you can’t eat more than three egg rolls before throwing up—” Seoah says from the backseat.

“Seoah!” you huff for the umpteenth time.

“Seriously, Seungcheol, she ate so much one time that her body can’t eat a lot anymore,” she continues. You rest your head against the headrest with a groan. You don’t want to go to jail. Deep breaths.

Seungcheol laughs, taking a quick glance at you. “Fully noted,” he replies.

“Good! You should know this stuff since you’re her boyfriend,” she says. “Well, not yet, anyway. You’re going to ask her out, though, right?”

The question has you holding your breath. You don’t expect him to answer as it isn’t any of her business, but there is still some hope that he’ll respond.

Seungcheol makes a small choking noise while he tightens his hold on the steering wheel, obviously startled by the sudden question. His face becomes flushed, and his ears turn a light shade of red. It isn’t often you see this side of Seungcheol, and you almost let Seoah continue. Almost.

“I—” Seungcheol starts.

“You’re five seconds away from being kicked out of this car,” you threaten Seoah as you turn in your seat to glare at her.

“Seungcheol wouldn’t do that to me,” she protests defiantly.

“There’s always a first for everything,” you smirk at her. “Plus, it’ll build your character.”

She gives you a shove on the arm and pouts.

“Don’t worry, Seoah. You’re safe with me,” Seungcheol says after he collects himself.

Seoah straightens at that, sticking her tongue out at you. “Told you so!”

You mutter a “yeah” at her as you shake your head and glance at Seungcheol. He gives you a lopsided smile before looking back at the road.

That night your mom and dad discussed their relationship.

It’s been delayed long enough, and all that pent-up anger finally bubbled over, resulting in your mom becoming the Hulk for five minutes. You had never seen her so mad, but you’re grateful she was throwing the objects on the floor rather than at your dad or Seoah.

They agreed to break up officially. It’s always been a cloudy subject with them. You didn’t really know where they stood, but it’s clear to you now. Whatever hopes of getting your family back won’t come true. Your parents have some money and plan to file for divorce papers soon. You aren’t sure how custody will work, but you figure Seoah will stay with your dad. Your mother is too busy traveling to take care of your sister. Despite your dad also being busy, at least he’ll be home more. Though, you get the feeling you’ll still have to look after her. 

As promised, your father put aside some time to talk to you. It wasn’t a lengthy conversation, but it was… nice, regardless. He apologized again for not being there for you and Seoah and said he’ll try to be better. He’s honest in that he tells you it will take some time, but you’re grateful he wasn’t feeding you fairytales. 

Two weeks pass by with the same schedule—wake up, homework, class, homework, dinner, sleep. You meet with Dae a few times to work on your project, but that’s all. You have a quarter of your outfits completed for the show, which feels good, but you still have more to finish. You’re on track with your own deadlines, but barely.

You haven’t seen Seungcheol much during the weeks. If you do, it’s only through passing. Texts with him have also been minimal due to your schedules. You should be fine with that. You’ve seen and talked with him plenty that weekend to last weeks, yet you can’t get him out of your mind. 

You’re not sure when you’d grown so attached to the man, and that makes you worry. You’ve only known him for nearly three months. It’s too soon to feel this strongly. To feel like you need him. You need to focus more on something else. Anything but him. You have repeated this in your mind, trying to make it stick. 

Though it isn’t too successful, considering you are sitting on your bedroom floor with Seoah stringing beads as a thank-you gift for Seungcheol. You want to blame this on Seoah, but you had come up with the idea. Seoah is here because you know she has been wanting to do something. However, if you are being honest, the main reason is you need an excuse for why you are making a bracelet for him. The idea is silly, but you found a bunch of beads in your room and needed to do something with them. Maybe this is too childish for someone like Seungcheol. You were going to back out of the plan, though Seoah was over the moon at the suggestion. Needless to say, you couldn’t change your idea even if you wanted to.

“These beads are too small,” you grumble as you try to pick up a bead for the third time.

“You just want to complain,” Seoah replies, having no issue with plucking beads from the container. You glance at her work. She used pink and blue beads only, alternating between the two. There’s also an “S” dangling in the middle.

“‘S’ for Seungcheol?” you wonder. Seoah glances at the letter and then at you.

“No. ‘S’ for Seoah. I want him to know it’s from me,” she explains. You laugh a little. A two-for-one use.

She tilts her head at yours. “Why the cherries?”

Your body warms at the question. It’s simple. Innocent. Nothing inappropriate or difficult to comprehend. Though the answer is more complicated, or at least, it’s too personal to share.

“They matched my colors,” you shrug, acting as if it has no significant meaning, but you know otherwise. 

You want him to be reminded of you any time he sees it. You want to be on his mind as much as he is on yours. It’s only fair. Plus, in a weirdly possessive way, you want to feel like he’s yours. Even if that isn’t true.

“There are strawberries, too,” she points out.

“I just grabbed the first charm I saw.”

“Ah,” she examines the unfinished bracelet. The beads are alternated in a different pattern than Seoah’s. It consists of mainly white beads, a few red and green ones scattered between. “It’s nice.”

As you tie the string, you consider the chance of him not wearing it at all. Is yours too much? Too cheesy? Should you just have given him money and left it at that? Why did you spend an hour planning a design and ensuring the beads you picked weren’t scratched or chipped? Seoah had finished hers minutes ago but stayed watching you.

It’s been a while since you hung out with Seoah alone. You hung out more when your mother was here, but even then, it wasn’t too often. You aren’t as close as you feel you should be. You glance at her once you are done. She’s been growing fast, slowly discovering her personality and interests. You know you will never win the Best Sister Award, but you can try to be an honorable mention.

“Seoah?” you call, fingers toying with the finished bracelet.

She’s staring at your hands, but you can tell she isn’t really registering what is happening around her. Somewhere lost in her thoughts.

Still, she answers and looks up. “Yeah?”

“Do you,” a pause, “want to sleep over in my room tonight?”

It isn’t a big deal. You don’t plan to have a pillow fight and do each other's nails, but you would have company.

She looks happy for a split second and then narrows her eyes. “What’s the catch?”

“There’s none,” you shake your head.

“Then why did you ask?”

You bite the inside of your cheek. Not quite ready to fight through the awkwardness of a sappy conversation.

“I thought it’d be nice to have some company, but you don’t have to,” you answer and grab her bracelet. You slide them inside a sheer bag you found, pulling the strings to close the opening. You stand up and place it in your purse. You’ll give it to him tomorrow.

“I want to!” Seoah says quickly when she feels like you’re changing your mind. “Let me go get changed.”

“It won’t be like the sleepovers you have,” you warn when she gets to your door. You don’t want her to get false ideas. She smiles at you.

“I know, but I don’t care.”

After you both are ready for bed, you lay staring at your ceiling. She talks about her classes, friends, and even a few crushes she has. She’s a social butterfly; unlike you, people enjoy talking to her. She is quirky enough to put some fun in conversations, but not excessive to come off rude or overbearing. You’re not sure how she grew to be such a good person because she sure as hell didn’t learn that from you or your dad. Whoever it was, though, you’re grateful. You’ve stopped feeling close to your family, so you quit putting effort into getting to know them more. 

Maybe you should change that.

This feels like walking in a tiger’s cage.

You are surrounded by people dressed up in suits and others in plain jeans and a shirt. The majority have neutral colors on, and it’s different from what you’re used to. At least in your building, there are more colors.

There’s no way you’re going to be able to camouflage yourself in your all-pink plaid outfit, so why try? 

You keep your chin high as you try to find the study room, ignoring the many stares you receive on the way. You texted Seungcheol earlier and asked for his location. When he asked you why, you simply said it was a surprise.

Room 526.

There’s a window in the door, and you peer in to see if he’s there. He is. Though he isn’t alone. Hajun, Hana, and Doyun are there as well. They’re silent, heads bowed, as they all work on something in front of them. Seungcheol seems deep in thought.

That is until Hajun makes a comment while glancing at Seungcheol. He smiles, chuckling at whatever she said before they both go back to their work. 

It’s odd to see him in this environment. He acts so casually with the very same people who only spit insults at you. You know Seungcheol has never stopped talking to them. You didn’t tell him to, and they were his friends before you. Yet, there is still a twinge of disappointment that he remained friends with them. 

Dae’s words ring in your ear from weeks ago—he could have left you. Then there is the devil on your shoulder telling you he should have. However, you tried that already. You made that decision for him, but he came back. And you let him.

“Yn?” says a male voice behind you. You jump, turning on your heel quickly and moving from the door.

Vernon stands with his backpack hanging off one shoulder.

“Vernon,” you say, startled. “What are you doing here?”

He smiles shyly. “I’m late for a study group.”

“I thought you were changing majors?” you question.

“I am, but I figured I’d stick it out for the classes I have. Don’t want to waste any more money than I already have by withdrawing,” he chuckles sadly.

“It’ll be worth it once you find something you like,” you reassure.

“Thanks,” he replies and gives you a toothy smile. He looks so young with that grin. “I should go in before they text me again.”

You step aside as Vernon moves.

“Hey, can you tell Seungcheol to come out?” you ask quickly before he opens the door.

“Sure,” he replies.

“You took your time,” Hana teases when the door opens.

“It’s not my fault my phone died overnight. I didn’t hear my alarm,” he pouts. There are a few chuckles that echo in the room.

“Oh, Cheol?” Vernon says. There’s silence for a second. “You’re needed outside.”

“Why?” Seungcheol asks; he sounds distracted.

“Yn’s here.”

“Yn?” Hajun questions, surprised. “What is she doing here?”

“I’ll be right back,” Seungcheol says as you hear the sound of a chair scraping the floor.

“She’s probably just here to recruit you for her stupid project. You don’t need to help her. Let’s just get back to work,” Hajun reasons. “Vernon’s here so we can get done faster.”

“I’m sure you can wait five more minutes,” he says. You listen carefully as his footsteps become louder. The door squeaks when it’s pushed open more.

You look up at the noise and meet Seungcheol’s eyes. 

Your breath gets caught in your throat. 

His hair is pushed off his face, a few pieces hanging down deviantly. He wears black slacks and a tucked-in white button-down. The tie around his neck is loosened and the first few buttons of his shirt are undone. 

His once-stressed face soon brightens as he lets the door shut. He moves closer.

“Hey, Cherry,” he smiles.

“Hey,” you reply, a little breathless from having held your breath.

“It’s good to see you,” he murmurs, leaning a forearm against the wall. You notice he’s keeping his distance, and you’re unsure if it’s purposeful. Perhaps you’re just overthinking again.

“You too,” you reply. Your eyes take one more quick sweep of his attire. How he makes a simple fit look so remarkable is beyond you.

“I can tell you want to give me another compliment,” he haughtily says.

You huff, trying to disguise your panicked expression with faux annoyance. “Not when you tell me that.”

“I can wait,” he says and disregards your comment. He lays his head against the arm that’s on the wall as if he’s taking a rest. You want to wipe that smug smile off his lips.

“You’re insufferable,” you whine.

“No, baby, I’m patient.” He speaks slowly as if to emphasize his statement.

You glare up at him but soon relent with a huff. “You look good.”

“Oh, come on, you used that last time. Don’t you have another adjective? Maybe one that rhymes with pot?” he smirks, an eyebrow rising in challenge.

He wants you to call him hot.

You aren’t going to at first, but then you decide you’re done with him having the upper hand. You recall his shocked and reddened face at Seoah’s question in the car. It would be nice to see that again.

You close the space between you, hand grabbing the end of his tie. Slowly, you wrap the material around your palm. His smug smile slowly disappears with each inch you tug him closer. He pushes his forearm off the wall and sprawls his hand on it instead. His other hand grabs your hip so he can’t tumble forward.

“I’ll say something even better,” you purr lowly. Your faces are so close to each other that you can faintly feel his breath. “You look very sexy, Seungcheol.”

The hand on your hip squeezes you, and you can see his Adam’s apple bob from his harsh swallow. It feels good to put him on the other side for a change. You smile triumphantly at his reaction before letting his tie unravel from your hand.

Taking a step back, his hand slips from your body, and you dig into your purse for the jewelry bag.

“Here, I came to give you this,” you explain and hold the bag up. His eyes drop from yours to the item. He still looks a little dazed.

“It’s a thank you for letting me and Seoah stay the night.”

Seungcheol takes the bag, flipping it over in his hand. He brings it closer and examines it through the sheer material. His lips slowly tug up. Before he can say anything, you hastily continue.

“It was Seoah’s idea. You don’t have to actually wear them, we—she just wanted to give you something.”

Seungcheol starts opening the bag, and you swiftly put a hand out as if to stop him. “You don’t have to open it now, you can do that la—”

He takes out the two bracelets, twisting them until both charms are facing him. You drop your hand and start playing with the strap of your purse, resisting the urge to tap your foot as you stand in silence watching him.

“T-the ‘S’ is for Seoah, not Seungcheol,” you explain. You’re not sure why you do it in the first place. It doesn’t really matter what the ‘S’ really stands for.

“And the cherries? What do they represent?” he questions, eyes flickering to you with a faint smile.

Your heart hammers in your chest. He doesn’t need to ask that. He knows what they represent.

“They’re just cherries. Don’t think too muc—”

“That’s not true and you know it,” he scolds gently. Your eyes focus on his hands as he carefully slips both bracelets on his wrist. They fit around him perfectly. They aren’t too tight to dig into his skin, but they are loose enough to allow a finger or two to slip through.

His gaze moves back to yours. When he notices your averted gaze, he leans in to catch your attention.

“What do they represent?” he repeats, a hint of sternness to his voice.

You meet his eyes reluctantly. “Me. They r-represent me.”

“Yes, they do,” he says, finally letting his smile show more. Seungcheol slips the bag into his pocket. “They’re nice. Tell Seoah thank you.”

“I will,” you answer, clearing your throat. “I’ll let you get back to studying.”

“Don’t you want your thank you?” Seungcheol chuckles and takes a small step forward.

Your body freezes in place. “I don’t need one.”

“Hm,” he says. He takes a quick glance at the study room’s door before cupping the back of your neck gently. Warmth spreads from that area to the rest of your body. You stare at him with wide eyes.

“Thank you, Cherry. Really,” he murmurs and then kisses your forehead for the third time since you met him.

You truly aren’t keeping track. Definitely not.

“I’ll text you later?” he says, though it sounds like a suggestion.

“Okay,” you agree with a small nod.

“You going home?” he asks and slowly walks back to the door, hand grazing your skin as he leaves.

“No, I have a class. Do you have a test or something?” you wonder, recalling how serious he looked earlier.

“A presentation,” he says. That explains his attire.

“Ah. Good luck,” you wish.

You’re not sure what comes over you, but you quickly added, “Oh, and Seungcheol?”

His hand is pressed down on the door handle when you call. He turns his head to you, waiting for your reply before he goes inside.

“You do look sexy.”

Seungcheol laughs, less flabbergasted about your compliment this time.

“Thanks, Cherry. You look beautiful.”

He says it as if it’s as easy as breathing. There’s no hesitation or delay in his comment. You wonder how long he’s been thinking that.

Seungcheol pulls the door open before you can reply and slips inside. As the door is closing, you hear Hajun ask, “Goodness, was she trying to get in your pants? You took forever!”

“Enough, let’s just...”

The door clicks close as Seungcheol speaks. You’re tempted to press your ear against it to hear the rest of the sentence, but you remember you’re in public. You inhale slowly, pausing for a few seconds before exhaling gradually. 

Why does every conversation with Seungcheol leave your heart racing?

previous chapter \\ pretty please masterpost // next chapter

A/N: brb swooning 😪 also if i knew how to draw well enough, i would def conjure up the pic mc took of cheol bc in my head it's just SAUR CUTE D:<

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[sacredmothermonarch]

Listen. I am so excited to meet this baby.

I love this child so much already its fucking nuts.

That being said,

Don’t get pregnant.

My stomach been on 99999 for the last 3 hours and I just want to go sleep rn. 😩

My hormones have me either wanting to start wars or cry and be held and there’s virtually no in between.

And sleep?? Me and her used to be the best of friends. But that heaux done ghosted me and I ain’t seen her ass since. 😭😭

Then I gotta mentally prepare for my body to expel a whole other human body out of it. 🥴

We ain’t ever done no shit like that before. Excuse moi?!! I’m talking I gotta figure out how I’m bout to bare the pain of pushing out a whole ass human?!

And I’m already an auntie. One thing about children? They don’t gaf. They’re sleepy? They’re hungry? They’re tired? That is a YOU problem. Not a them problem. A YOU problem. I just 😶

Pray for me.

More than anything, I miss sushi, starbucks, and good ass sleep. 😩😩😩

THENNNNNN I found out you can’t eat spicy food while you’re breastfeeding?!!

I just don’t believe God would really do women like this. Who fucked up the algorithm?? And change it back RIGHT NEOW!!

Cause like I wasn’t even rooting for Eve. I was rooting for Lilith. Why I gotta go down like I ate the fruit?! I would have left Adam’s dusty ass too!! Its just not right. 😩😭😖

So yeah.

Adopt if you want children. Don’t get pregnant. Just. Don’t do it. 🥴😭😭😭