#i would too if someone said that to me irl

[utilitycaster]

actually taking the last bit out of the tags of that post because here is the thing. and I'm going to use specific examples, because I think it's illustrative.

the two groups of people in this fandom who have specifically harassed me have been, as I've said before, imo/dna fans mad I don't find the ship very good, and (to be fair, only on one occasion) shadowido/mauk fans who got mad that I said that tagging ao3 fic about throuples with individual pairs sucks. [hilariously the latter was not even about them at all, it was about me looking for imogen and fearne ship fic that wasn't witchy trio fic and finding it almost impossible to filter].

I do not like these people because they have engaged with harassment. It is not about identity; it is about actions. My closest friend, and the first non-family member I talked to on Wednesday morning, is a bi woman in an open marriage to a woman, with a longterm male partner. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. The last time I visited her, in September, I was joined by other mutual friends, who are similarly in an open marriage with longterm partners and at least one relationship between two women.

I am entirely secure, in my personal life, that I am kind and accepting to queer women (of which I am one) and to poly people (of which I am not), and so I hope you can appreciate that if someone attempts to attack me on the internet on these grounds because I do not have the same exact opinions on pretend people kissing, my response isn't "oh my god I should go off and die because I'm a terrible person," it's "get a load of this moron making wild assumptions about my personal life based on a single data point in my preferences in fiction; I'm going to make them regret doing this to me, and hopefully anyone else, because this is genuinely a detrimental behavior in the fandom space." And also, you know what. If they were a homeless person on the street and asked for a dollar I would still give it to them if their attacks were merely verbal (yes, I know the idea of someone screaming "YOU'RE A LESBOPHOBE FOR HATING IMO/DNA can i have a dollar" outside the grocery store is rather comical, and I think that is how you need to consider statements like "um actually I won't help pro-shippers." Imagine that conversation happening in an irl activist group. Everyone would be like "uh...anyway, how do we fight back against this hostile bench architecture.")

I think right now it is vitally important to remember what actual bigotry looks like and what needs to be fought, and the reason I tapped the sign of this post last night is literally that I think you are wasting time and energy engaging with people who think bigotry is "criticizing the pretend guy Ashton Greymoore for concrete but pretend choices they made" when I also think most people criticizing Ashton would, if Ashton were real, still toss them change if they needed it, or are people who currently donate to or otherwise work with local programs that assist nb people, disabled people, or unhoused children.

I like to argue and I like to engage in fandom and I will continue doing that because it is a source of enjoyment and comfort for me, but I really urge everyone to ask yourself "am I arguing about genuinely different readings, or do I think that everyone who doesn't like my blorbo ship is a bad person" because if it's the latter, I think you need to nip that in the bud of online fandom before it grows into something darker and worse. A lot of irl hate and bigotry starts from a place of "everyone who doesn't agree with me and give me what I want all the time is wrong and evil" and perhaps I am too optimistic, but I think many people who say things like that in fandom just are caught up in the drama of it all and are capable of exercising empathy when they stop treating shipping or interpretation like a popularity contest that, if they lose, indicates that everyone around them is irredeemable. But I also think it can be the start of a really bad path.

[thedyingwriter]

somethings that i needed to get out regarding today's episode:

9-1-1 live airs in the US around 7 am Friday in my country and i get to watch it at 10:30 am on disney hotstar.

I couldn't wait so i was awake all night and was literally on twt since 6:30 am to get some clips.

that's where i find out that bucktommy break up.

i have been devastated all day. i have cried multiple times and i have literally lost count atp. it hurts like an actual breakup and i have absolutely no one irl to share this grief with.

the Abby being the ex-fiance wasn't even a major issue. i have been seen it done so well in so many fics.

Josh's speech was so beautiful and important but then to pull a breakup like that makes no fucking sense.

after what we saw in 8x5 breaking them made absolutely zero sense.

i was too overwhelmed so i tried to sleep and actually watched the entire episode around 11 am. I wanted to keep and open mind and analyse the episode.

twt is literally so toxic rn. I'm not even opening it.

after watching the entire episode i was even more confused as the breakup made zero sense.

we have had 8 seasons of character growth for buck, if they end up making him go back to casual relationships it just feels a complete wastage of 8 seasons of growth.

and from what we've seen in the past episodes the breakup was completely uncharacteristic to both buck and tommy.

it made no sense. why would tommy put so much effort if he knew it wouldn't last.

him constantly showing up for evan and talking about family just made zero sense for him to break up like that.

also it kinda felt weird to bring moving in together before saying i love yous.

and the way he said "the parking spot was too good to be true". this breakup doesn't feel good at all. he was obviously in pain and so was buck. this isn't doing any of them any good.

utter bullshit.

plus the "I'll see you around buck" broke me. like why the fuck would you do that to me and to buck.

it felt like someone put fucking alcohol all over a stab wound and then rubbed salt all over it.

LOW BLOW.

now coming to the post ep interviews which btw made it worse.

i was still under the impression that the way the breakup happened there was still hope for reconciliation because remember even tarlos went through breakups.

but then lou confirmed he might not be back and that this is it. specially that buck line. UGH.

and that #letbuckfuck interview with oliver really triggered me. I'm a bisexual woman and the reason i really loved buck's discovery of his sexuality was bcs Oliver was very determined in Givin a good bi rep.

but this doesn't feel that way. he could have said that he wants to see buck explore his sexuality more with both men and woman but the whole "girl, girl, guy. guy, girl, guy" montage was a very disturbing image.

it feels very stereotypical and biphobic.

it just hurts me so much. idk why i expected so much from a network tv show who has been queerbating for years.

i am gonna be watching this season just to see how they salvage buck's relationship and sexuality. it feels incomplete.

but if it goes in the buck 1.0 direction that's it for me.

i watch 911 as an escape from reality and if it goes so bad i am not continuing with the show.

it has already tested my limits and mental health enough.

also i need to point out that there are a lot of people who enjoy watching sports a lot more than they enjoy playing it. buck is a watcher. he would have loved seeing the Lakers match. just bcs he doesn't like to play doesn't mean he hates basketball.

a little extra side notes-

really excited for another buckley han kid. hope they don't ruin it. want to see how they deal with ppd this time.

also happy for eddie and really hoping he gets chris back soon.

ya'll need to understand how platonic friendship buddie is also so important rn then them getting together bcs eddie is def not ready to date.

if he starts dating he'll feel super guilty for putting his desire above chris all over again.

ALSO FOR PEOPLE IN THE BACK- EDMUNDO DIAZ IS CANON STRAIGHT.

[northlt03]

NEED TO RANT ABT THE SURGE IN BUCKTOMMYS!! No one I know irl watches this show so this is the only place I can talk about it. I see so many people hailing the queer ship and calling the breakup biphobic/ homophobic. MIND YOU THERE'S A HAPPY LESBIAN COUPLE WITH TWO KIDS IN THE SHOW!!!

Also, they never really addressed Tommy's problematic past and when asked about it in an interview, the actor said that Tommy (at the ripe young age of his 30s) was spewing sexism as a joke!!??? And didn't realize women could do the job (I saw this in a ss on a different post, excuse me if it's not real btw). Not to mention the racism when Hen and Chim first joined the 118.

I understand there are other characters who have done bad stuff, Buck cheating, Eddie cheating, Hen cheating, Bobby with the fire, but we had whole arcs of them being apologetic and guilty about it and realizing their mistake before ultimately working to be better people!!!

Tommy's past on the other hand is never even mentioned and in this episode they're trying to frame him as a queer hero.

MIND YOU he dated Abby in like 2015-ish and led her on for months if not years.

Am I disappointed in the episode? Not a lot, I love Eddie's dance, him being able to be happy, the talk with the priest, Eddie in a tank top, Madney being pregnant, Bobby Nash just existing and Maddie being an absolute icon as always.

What I don't like is Josh's speech. I'm sure he doesn't know about Tommy's past, but this was a conscious choice from the show runners to paint Tommy as a queer hero who's been through so much. Girl.

ALSO CALLING OLIVER STARK BIPHOBIC?? HAVE YALL LOST YOUR DAMN MINDS?

BUCK HAS FUCKED BEFORE!! HE USED TO BE A SLUT!!! OR DID YOU MORONS FORGET BUCK 1.0??? HIM BEING OPEN TO EXPLORE IS THE MOST IN CHARACTER THING.

#LETBUCKFUCK

He's just a bisexual who happens to be a slut!!! He's not perpetuating the "bisexuals cheat" thing.

ANYWAY i just needed to rant idk i don't like Tommy, he's always been weird, calling Buck "Evan" when he told his PARENTS to call him Buck because everyone important to him does so. The only time Tommy does call him Buck is when he's leaving (GOOD RIDDANCE).

Not to mention, how are you dating someone for half a year and don't know they don't like basketball????

They let him go too easy idk.

Kinda off topic and delusional, but I genuinely thought Buddie would kiss when Buck shows up at his place SDFGHJKL

[doubletaileddoubletrouble]

I see a lot of ppl talking about corporal punishment so let me put my input on it.

I've gotten corporal punishment (mostly from my dad) and YEAH SURE it did in fact help me learn things quickly-- but it hurt more than it helped. Recently, I've noticed that it installs fear in communicating with any authority figure. (And communication is pretty essential in terms of working out problems.) Especially when it's used on a kid that doesn't understand why exactly they're being punished. They'll end up fearing asking for help in order to fix their mistakes, and only end up making more mistakes and misunderstandings.

Now, the exception about this is that it was less of a punishment, and more of a reality check, kinda. Instead of the punching being used to reinforce an ideology that the kid may not exactly understand, it's to knock some sense into someone who seems to have gotten lost from what they already know. (and totally understands why they got punched.)

ALSO ADDITIONALLY: Corporal punishment is more constant throughout the life. This was kind of a one time thing.

Additionally, punching your loved one's is still bad. I'm pretty sure Sonic only did that spontaneously because he needed a solution, and that was the easiest one. Which brings me to ANOTHER thing which is that parents use corporal punishment instead of trying to teach their kids with less violent methods because simply, it's easier. Fear is a good motivator, no matter the context.

Sorry guys, I'm sleepy so I don't even know if my point is coming across correctly. Feel free to argue against me more and maybe I can actually get my thoughts in check ugh.

Communicating about problems- heh, who needs that?!? (<- panicking) Certainly not me. I learn from my mistakes. In "more healthy ways" or the same way I've learned my whole life. You learn not to touch the wrong wires in circuitry, or else you get shocked.

It's not just the quickest way, but it instills it for the longest. That seems like the most effective method to me.

Ooc:

Alright, let's talk about this for a moment.

There's a difference between abuse, corporeal punishment, and whatever the fuck Sonic did.

Tails very clearly was Abused, not punished. There's a main difference between the two and that's health after the "punishment." (Or maybe I'm just American and it's all abuse.)

If you are showing physical signs afterward, or they activity didn't provide you with things that are nessicary to live (when it was available to them, poverty is an exception to this one) then its abuse.

The most common corporal punishments are things like spanking, being pattled, or just generally being hit with blunt items on the arms, hands, back, or bottom. I think a belt also counts on this topic, but neither of my parents owned belts, so I never dealt with that.

Again, I could just be American, and this could all be abuse, but If you are being hit out of anger rather than punishment, you're left bleeding, they're depriving you of house, food or anything, they're breaking bones, and especially if you're told to lie about how you got any injuries, you need to ask for help. That's certainly abuse.

My childhood fluctuated between the two. My parents had anger issues, and while they'd try to keep it legal, their emotions often got the best of them. I don't wish that upon anyone.

(Yes, I put the sonic thing into its own category because it checks every box for abuse and I don't want to label it that with my whole soul)

Regardless, it's interesting seeing everyone argue against my upbringing, and uh yeah, I'm questioning a lot of things, guys, lol.

[yuridovewing]

i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.

what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.

in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?

obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)

[kavehater]

“In general I find the idea of being with a man disgusting but I don’t find it disgusting with him”

- spoken by a lesbian

[girls-and-honey]

.

[derpinette]

english used to be the normie filter & how you could tell someone was a Trve Internethead but after the DAMNED 2020 quarantine for obvious reasons EveryBody & They Momma is acceptably fluent so now i have to learn swedish or something. -_-

[enden-k]

im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

[cinerins]

The GAR structure honestly scares and confuses me a little what is going on in there

[magentagalaxies]

.

[wildevenusian]

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

[theclosetedskeleton]

im going to lose ir me after being selfish and idiotic and not smart enough to realize how my personality makes people leave :]]] ^_^

[fallenrain40]

frick it i am a wolfkin AND a catkin AND a coyotekin as well as the genders of all those YOU CANT CONTROL ME I AM WHATEVER I WANNA BE

[musical-chick-13]

Fandom be normal about bi women challenge (impossible. apparently.)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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