#i would rather someone say they HATE the thing i made than have someone comment this
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the showrunner does not hate jaskier. and just to note considering that this isn't the first time i've seen you leave a comment like this on posts about geralt and jaskier's friendship, or rather the lack thereof as the show did drop the ball on their friendship (in s1 and to a lesser extent s2; s3 resolves this, imo, as does the brief sirens clip):
"All the grunts, I either added or I didn't say anything and just grunted instead. It was often up to the other actors to go, 'I think he's not gonna say anything now.'" ā Henry Cavill
"Henry likes to cut his lines, 'cause he's lazy. No, he literally just likes to cut them. He likes to do more up here [frames his face with his hands] and just with face and hmms and grunts. There's a lot of hmms, and so I often have to take a lot of his lines and turn it into a lot of my stuff so that the plot happens." ā Joey Batey
"Joey did all the work, I just had to take the right look andā¦ we had a ready-made 'comedy.'" ā Henry Cavill
"In the books, they are very, very close friends. That is so obvious. They speak to each other fondly. The opportunity is different in this story because Jaskier turns up and heās not an immediate player straight away. We sort of had to show that essence of Geralt and Joey playing the complete opposite, which creates a wonderful dynamic. If I were to play it more directly like the books, it wouldnāt quite have the same sense of two fated friends. Theyād just be like, āHey, buddy!ā Instead, Geralt cares deeply for Jaskier, whether he wants to admit it or not." ā Henry Cavill
"I didn't even cut that much. Just little bits when someone says how they feel, I thought if Geralt says nothing, and maybe the well-known grunts or hmms and sometimes the occasional f-word, people can take from that what they will." ā Henry Cavill
"I wanted to make [Geralt's voice] something which carried a lot of weight when you say very little. And I found my natural accent didn't quite portray what I wanted Geralt to portray in those brief moments. Whether it be a grunt or a single word or a couple of words directed at a bard." ā Henry Cavill
"Henry tends to cut his lines, say less, which means I have to say more. So I had to improvise quite often." ā Joey Batey
yeah, js, but if anyone was responsible for fucking up their friendship in s1, it was likely henry cavill more than anyone else as he would cut his lines especially in scenes with jaskier and to the point where joey often had to take his lines and improvise just in order to move the plot along. plus! by henry cavill's own admission, he didn't want to play them all "hey buddy" with each other which is actually the thing that was severely missing in their friendship in s1 and what was really the problem. because just a reminder to everybody, but the problem with their friendship in s1 was not actually geralt being an asshole to jaskier as there were times in the books where geralt was perfectly capable of being an asshole to dandelion:
the problem with their friendship in s1 was that there was not enough balance to any moments of contention in their friendship and that there weren't enough light-hearted, fun moments with them and that there wasn't enough warmth between them on geralt's side of things and that there was not enough sense and indication given that geralt actually cared about jaskier. which as we've already established was something that was probably greatly inhibited by how henry cavill didn't want to play them with that dynamic in the first place and how it's kind of hard to build up a friendship and not have it come off as extremely one-sided when one half of said friendship won't say his fucking lines.
and at least imo, chances are he's the reason why their friendship still wasn't the best in s2 even with geralt coming off as slightly warmer to jaskier than he did in s1 as henry cavill, basically, didn't want to play geralt with any character flaws in s2. and it's kind of hard to address the mountain and move past it in a way that's satisfying if the show couldn't, y'know, actually acknowledge that there was any wrongdoing on geralt's part given that henry cavill didn't want to play geralt with any flaws. (and just a reminder, but the only reason why geralt was more verbose and emotional in s2 (and s3) wasn't because henry cavill just cared oh so much about the sanctity of the books and the source material. it was because he got dunked on by reddit for cutting geralt's lines in s1 and either saying nothing or just grunting instead thus making geralt's characterization inaccurate to the books. if he had not gotten dragged by reddit for doing that, he never would've advocated for a more verbose and emotional geralt in subsequent seasons in the first place.)
also, js, but i don't exactly think it's a coincidence, either, that geralt and jaskier's friendship only really starts to feel like a friendship in s3 and that there's really a sense that geralt cares about jaskier and that their friendship isn't one-sided when that's the season henry cavill seems to've had the least amount of influence over. nor do i think it's a coincidence that geralt and jaskier also come off as genuinely being friends in the sirens of the deep clip, despite it being set during s1 when their friendship was at its least convincing on the live action show, given that henry cavill wouldn't've been involved in the production of sirens at all and thus wouldn't've had any input on it and given that doug cockle, who voices geralt in sirens, can actually act and emote with voice and despite not even physically being in the scene with his co-star, still manages to have chemistry with him. js.
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i have a lot of opinions that i know are stupid but ONE of the is that i HATE the use of the word 'underrated' in youtube comment sections. I Don't Know Why. as far as anyone is concerned it's a compliment but it fills me with rage whenever i see it.
#maybe in my head it feels backhanded??#cuz it's like. some guy saying people aren't paying attention to you#it feels like one of those words that people use when they get bored of using other words. it means literally nothing to me#it feels very much like stating the obvious. JUST SAY WHY YOU LIKE THE THING. FOR FUCK'S SAKE#you don't have to be like ohgghhghghg you don't get enough recognition for this.... so sad....... i'm so cool for giving this recognition#maybe that's what it is.#i'm being a judgemental bitch. if you use this word i don't hate you i'm just like this#the thing is it feels like a very self-centred lazy compliment. that's why i hate it.#comments are for praising/critiquing the person that made the thing that you're looking at depending on what they made it for#i would literally rather someone comment 'cool video' than 'this is so underrated' on something i made#i would rather someone say they HATE the thing i made than have someone comment this
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Bruh. Self... Analyzing and reflecting on past relationships is.... Rough
#miranda talking shit#I mean i can see what i did wrong easily i have since early after but... Only recently really thought#Hard about the other party... And im like.... Oh thats.... There was quite a bit huh :')#I mean i hate talking ill of others and i know no one ever does something to me on purpose but man....#My ex's insecurities really ... Have effected me a lot lol. Not like she was the only one who have made me feel some of the things#I felt. But it was worse bc it was... Her... My partner... Ya know? And now im like ah... That... Yeah#I never thought about how probably jealous she was? Of my bestfriend. She have done many small comments#About how much i talked about her and how much time i spent with her etc... I wasnt out partying or anything such for me i just spent time#With my best friend. And i remember how my ex had said at one point something like 'you really spend a lot of time with her'#I mean... I did. She was my bestfriend? But not until recently i think my ex was probably jealous... And its... I tried to adjust to her?#Like at the time i didnt see i did. But i did distance myself after she said such things bc i felt like i needed to appease her?#Meanwhile i mean. She was out at more social gatherings and parties. I cant remember me saying much else than#Have fun and be safe! Whenever she went. I was never worried that she would get with someone else or something?#I.... Trusted her in that way. I never saw that as an problem. But now i see she uh...probably didnt trust me in that way?#I cant say she was jealous like actually thought i was being unfaithful or something. But like yeah.#A lot of things werent great in our relationship but that thing i think impacted me the most. Bc it made me feel i was being...#Idk if i didnt give all my time to her she couldn't believe in me or feel safe with me? Yeah something like that#I mean i felt envy in the form of 'i wish i could spend time with her irl like others' so rather 'god wish that was me' but i never thought#Her being out with others and having fun was... Bad. I never sat and imagined things happening. I just hoped she had fun and that she was#Safe. I have my own insecurities. Had way more back then but for me it was not... I couldn't trust her to be faithful?#Or that i felt uneasy that she wasnt spending time with me... But i think that she felt that way and its... Sad. Not that she was controlin#Or super bad but like... She could make comments that were hinting at me talking or spending too much time with my bestfriend#I mean she did indirectly also pressure me in the intimate department by saying things that made me feel guilty#Glad i didn't just 'give in' in the end just bc she wanted to. That would be on brand for me but no i didnt#She made me realize how much trust is important to me. In intimate matters and overall. I probably didn't feel like she trusted me like i
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Baby Targaryens as adults headcanon: how would they fall for you? How they are in a relationship in general?
characters: Jaehaerys, Maelor, Aegon III, Viserys II.
Jaehaerys doesnāt fall in love gracefully. No, he sees you once, maybe catching you out of the corner of his eye while heās busy rolling them at Aegon or suffering through some royal function he doesnāt want to be at. His first thought? āGreat. Another distraction.ā
But something about you makes him pause, something makes him stare a little longer. And before he even understands it himself, the moment he lays eyes on you, in that deadpan, signature cold style of his, he mutters under his breath, ābeautiful.ā
Jaehaerys is different from other men in court. He doesnāt care to charm you, impress you, or, gods forbid, flirt with you. No, thatās Mealorās job, with his smiles and "how are you this fine evening, my lady?" Jaehaerys? He just glares at you across the room, assessing. He doesnāt need to court you. Youāre already hisāhe decided that five minutes ago. Now heās just waiting for you to realize it.
If he ever does try to flirt, it's the most awkward, detached, disastrous thing youāve ever witnessed. Heāll stare at you for a bit too long and say something like, āYour hair... itās fine, I suppose.ā Or worse, āYou donāt annoy me as much as everyone else.ā
Itās so unintentionally rude that you almost laughābut heās dead serious, just standing there, completely oblivious to how bad he is at this.
It doesnāt help that Jaehaerys is unreasonably attractive. Heās taller than his father, with that same Targaryen beauty, but heās always looking like heād rather be anywhere else. People fall all over themselves around him, but he just rolls his eyes. When you donāt, heās intrigued. Itās almost like a challenge to him. Why arenāt you impressed? he wonders, eyebrows raised. Youāre not supposed to be immune to him.
Aegon, his one and only friend (though Jaehaerys would never admit it), notices Jaehaerys watching you with a bit more interest than usual and teases him endlessly. Jaehaerys, tired of the teasing, the world, and quite frankly, of you for making him feel something, just glares and says, āShut up, Aegon.ā
Aegon keeps poking him, though. āYou like her, donāt you?ā And Jaehaerysās face twists in annoyance before he just groans, āGods, Aegon, leave me alone. I just want to sleep.ā Which, funnily enough, is his attitude about everything. Heād much rather be napping than dealing with feelings.
Most lords would play the long game, trying to win your favor, doing all the polite things. Jaehaerys? Nah. He doesnāt care. He sees you, he wants you, and thatās it. End of story. He walks up to you one day, fully expecting the conversation to end in you being his.
His approach? Straightforward and blunt: āWeāre going to wed. Thatās not a question.ā
Youāre stunned. āExcuse me?ā
āI'm in love with you,ā he says flatly, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, āSo youāre mine now.ā
Thereās no pleading, no coy smile. Heās already made the decision for both of you.
Heās deeply annoyed by the fact that he even has feelings for you. Heāll be sitting in his chambers, brooding, trying to read, but all he can think about is you. He scowls, tossing the book aside. āWhy?ā he mumbles to himself, irritated. āWhy do I even care?ā
Heās annoyed that youāve distracted him, that youāve taken up residence in his mind, and yet, heāll spend hours watching you from afar. He wonāt admit it, but youāre the only thing that makes him not hate everything for a little while.
The moment you show interest in someone else? Forget it. Jaehaerys is right there, appearing out of nowhere like some shadowy ghost. Heāll stand between you and anyone who dares approach, giving them a cold, dismissive look. And heāll say, in that cutting, dry voice of his, āSheās not interested.ā He doesnāt even ask how you feelāheās already made the decision for you.
People often comment on how lucky you are to have caught Jaehaerysās eye, becauseāletās face itāheās gorgeous. But the moment he opens his mouth? Everything gets awkward. Heās either blunt, rude in the most polite way, or just plain dismissive. Youāll walk into a room, and someone will say, āYou look beautiful today.ā
Jaehaerys, overhearing, just rolls his eyes and mutters, āShe looks beautiful every day. Obviously.ā Then adds under his breath, āCan we leave now?ā
The thing with Jaehaerys is, once he decides he wants you, thereās no escape. Not in a creepy way, but in a he-will-not-leave-you-alone way. Heāll suddenly be everywhereāat your side, giving you that Iām-annoyed-but-interested look. And when you try to argue, he just cuts you off with, āDonāt bother. Iāve already decided. Youāre mine.ā
You realize, in a strange, funny way, that itās almost comfortingāknowing that once Jaehaerys chooses something (or someone), heās completely devoted. Even if heās the most sarcastic, emotionally unavailable person on the planet, heās yours.
Maelor has an unmatched talent for getting into trouble, but the way he struts into it is almost impressive. Heāll walk into a room, compliment someone on their ridiculously oversized hat, steal the silverware off the table, and wink at you on the way out like it was all part of some grand performance. When you ask him why he does these things, he just shrugs and says, āItās called living, love. Try it sometime.ā
Flirting is basically Maelorās second language. Heāll start with something overly dramatic, like, āYou, my dear, are the moon to my drunken stumbles,ā and before you can even roll your eyes, heās convinced the entire room that youāre madly in love with him. Even if youāre not. Especially if youāre not. When you point this out, he grins and says, āCan you blame them? Look at me.ā (Heās very humble.)
Maelor does not believe in subtlety when it comes to his wardrobe. Heāll walk into a council meeting wearing a deep purple silk tunic, velvet cape, and, of course, his beloved golden earring. Heāll probably have a feathered hat, too, just because he can. When you tell him heās dressed like heās going to a festival and not, you know, preparing for day, heāll just smirk and say, āI know, Iām practically a walking work of art.ā
Youād think Maelorās silver tongue would be infallible when it comes to flirting. But when he really likes someone, the smooth talk disappears. Heāll go from āYouāre the most stunning creature in Westeros,ā to āYouā¦uhā¦have veryā¦nice shoes? I guess.ā The more he likes you, the worse it gets. Youāre watching a man who can talk his way out of a dragonās mouth completely lose it because he canāt think of a single charming thing to say.
Maelor has a special talent for vanishing from the scene of his crimes just in time, leaving you in awe of his ability to slip away right when things go south. Whether itās after āborrowingā a lordās prized horse or sweet-talking his way into a highborn feast, heās gone with a blink and a laugh. Heāll reappear later with a cup of wine and a grin, saying, āHello darling.ā (He never learns his lesson because somehow, he never gets caught.)
Maelor loves wine. And not just a casual loveāheās borderline obsessed with it (worse than his father). At every meal, heās got a goblet in hand, and heās always trying to top yours up like youāre both on some extended holiday. āYou havenāt lived until youāve had this vintage,ā heāll say, pouring you a cup while simultaneously swiping an entire bottle for later. If you ask him why he always has to drink, heāll flash a charming grin and say, āLifeās too short to be sober.ā
Maelor flirts with everyoneāitās just who he is. But with you? Thereās a sincerity behind his teasing that isnāt there with anyone else. When he calls you āgorgeousā or ādarling,ā itās not just part of his gameāitās real. And when he flirts with others in your presence, itās to get a rise out of you, just to see that flash of jealousy in your eyes. āWhatās wrong? You know youāre my favorite.ā
That golden earring heās so proud of? He thinks itās the height of fashion. Heāll casually flip his hair just so it catches the light, and if you compliment him on it (even sarcastically), heāll give you a knowing look like youāve just confirmed his suspicions of being the most fashionable man alive. Heāll say, āAh, youāve noticed. I knew you had taste.ā You canāt even tell if heās joking or not.
Maelor loves pulling pranks and stealing random things, but heās the worst at being subtle about it. Heāll swipe a coin purse or a golden goblet, only for you to see it sticking out of his coat five minutes later. When you point it out, heāll just laugh and say, āOops. Must have slipped in there.ā Heās too charming to be mad at, and he knows it.
When Maelor really likes you, he becomes an absolute disaster. His usual suave lines turn into awkward stumbles. āYouā¦uh, look nice. I mean, not that you didnāt look nice before, but likeā¦yeah.ā You watch him go from the most confident man in the room to someone who canāt even make eye contact. Itās adorable, really, watching him struggle to be smooth when heās head over heels.
One moment, Maelor is all smiles and teasing, and the next, heās quiet, watching you with a calculating gaze. Itās like heās always thinking three steps ahead, figuring out how to get you closer to him without you even realizing it. When heās like this, heāll casually brush a hand against yours, lean in just a little too close, and murmur something so soft itās almost dangerous: āYou know youāre the only one who can keep up with me, right?ā
Maelorās idea of a ācunning planā usually involves a lot of improvisation and almost no foresight. Heāll convince you to help him steal something valuable or sneak into a lordās private party, assuring you he has it all figured out. Spoiler: he does not have it all figured out. But somehow, through sheer luck and charm, it always works out. āSee? Told you I had a plan,ā heāll say with a grin, as if you both werenāt two seconds away from disaster.
Maelor doesnāt get jealous in the traditional sense, but heās definitely possessive in his own subtle way. If someone else is flirting with you, heāll step in with that dazzling smile and start charming them instead, all while keeping you close. āYouāre coming with me, love,ā heāll say smoothly, completely unbothered by the competition. And when he steals you away, heāll shoot you a knowing grin, as if to say, āYouāre mine, and we both know it.ā
If thereās one thing Maelor loves, itās teasing you. Heāll steal something of yours, just to watch you get flustered trying to get it back. āLooking for this?ā Heāll dangle it in front of you with that mischievous grin, his eyes sparkling with amusement. But as soon as he sees you getting genuinely upset, heāll soften, handing it back with a playful wink. āAlright, alright, here you go. Iām only teasing, darling.ā
Maelor steals more than just goldāhe steals hearts, too. You didnāt mean to fall for him, but itās hard not to when heās always pulling you into wild adventures and making you laugh. Youāll be fuming because he just got you both chased out of a tavern, but then heāll look at you with those pretty eyes and that teasing smile, and suddenly youāre not so mad anymore. He knows it, too. āIām irresistible, admit it,ā heāll say with a wink.
Maelor can flirt, trick, and outsmart most people, but when it comes to saying goodbye? Heās the worst. Heāll tell you heās leaving for a trip, only to sneak back into your chambers hours later with a bottle of wine and say, āMiss me yet?ā Itās impossible to get rid of him, and honestly, youāre not even sure you want to anymore.
Aegon is the definition of effortlessly charming, with that roguish smile and easy-going nature. Heās the type to charm everyone at court without even trying, and half the time, he doesnāt even realize heās doing it. So when he falls for you, itās not because heās trying to win you overāheās just being his usual, flirtatious self, flashing you that cheeky grin and thinking, āWell, why wouldn't you fall for me?ā
Aegon doesnāt flirt. He exists and somehow, people think heās flirting. He could be talking about the weather, and it would still sound like the most seductive thing youāve ever heard. When he meets you, itās no different. āYou look lovely today,ā he says casually, while inside, heās mentally patting himself on the back for keeping it smooth. But heās secretly freaking out because, for once, he actually wants to impress someone.
Aegon is normally laid-back, but with you, itās different. He catches himself staring at you all the time, whether youāre in the middle of a conversation or just passing by. Heāll be sitting in court, pretending to pay attention, but all his focus is on you. And when you catch him staring, heāll just wink and give you a little smirk, like it was totally on purpose.
Aegon is a very physical person, and once he decides heās into you, thatās it. Heās always finding ways to touch you, whether itās a hand on your back, a playful nudge, or just casually throwing an arm around your shoulders. Itās his way of saying, āHey, Iām into you,ā without actually saying it. And if anyone else tries to get too close? Aegonās immediately at your side, leaning in close and making sure everyone knows who you belong to.
Aegon is a sweet-talker through and through. Heās always showering you with compliments, and the thing is, they sound genuine. Youāll be sitting there, minding your own business, and heāll just pop up with, āYouāre the most beautiful person Iāve ever seen, you know that?ā And you know heās probably said it to a dozen people before, but somehow, with you, it feels differentālike he actually means it.
Subtlety is not Aegonās strong suit. If youāre trying to play it cool or make him work for it, forget it. Heāll take your coy responses as a challenge, and instead of backing off, heāll just double down on the charm. āPlaying hard to get, huh? I love that.ā He thinks itās all part of the game, and heās having a great time, completely oblivious to how flustered heās making you.
Aegon has big golden retriever energy. Heās the type who gets excited about everything, especially you. If you say something even remotely interesting, his face lights up, and heās instantly hooked. āWait, say that again? Thatās amazing!ā Heās like a puppy, hanging on your every word, and itās almost impossible to stay mad at him because his enthusiasm is so infectious.
Aegonās usually the easy-going type, but if someone else shows interest in you? Oh, heās stepping in real quick. Heās not possessive in a creepy way, but heās definitely the kind of guy to slide in next to you with a bright grin, casually draping an arm over your shoulder and making very clear that youāre his. āHey, love, everything alright here?ā He says it with a smile, but his eyes are daring the other person to try something.
Aegon is rarely serious, always cracking jokes and making light of situations. But when heās with you, sometimes the jokes stop, and heāll get this intense look in his eyes. Heāll brush a strand of hair behind your ear and say something like, āYou know you mean the world to me, right?ā And itās so sincere and unexpected that it catches you off guard. Just when you think heās nothing but playful charm, he hits you with a moment of real vulnerability.
Underneath all the flirting and jokes, Aegon is deeply loyal. Once heās decided that heās yours (and youāre his), heās all in. He might be playful with others, but with you, itās different. Heās always there when you need him, ready to drop everything for you. And despite how easy-going he seems, heās serious about his feelings for you. Youāll never have to wonder where you stand with him, because heās always making it abundantly clear how much you mean to him.
Aegon loves grand gestures. Heās the type to show up at your window in the middle of the night with flowers, or whisk you away for a spontaneous trip, just because. Heāll leave little notes for you, filled with sweet, silly messages like, āIām thinking about you. Donāt miss me too much.ā He may act like a carefree person, but when it comes to you, heās an absolute romantic at heart.
Aegonās favorite thing in the world? Making you smile. Heāll go out of his way to do it, whether itās through jokes, playful teasing, or simply being his charming self. Heās the kind of guy who, if he sees you upset, will drop everything to make you laugh. And once heās got that smile out of you? Mission accomplished. Youāre his world, and heāll do anything to keep that smile on your face.
Viserys is the grounding force in Maelorās whirlwind of trouble and adventure. While Maelor is off flirting, tricking, and scheming, Viserys is the calm, steady one, always there to clean up the mess. He watches from the sidelines with a soft, knowing smile, ready to step in when things go too far. Maelor often drags you into his escapades, but itās Viserys who quietly ensures youāre safe. āDonāt worry, Iāll make sure you both survive Maelorās next āgreat idea.āā
Viserys is the type to care deeply but silently. Heās not the type to loudly declare his feelings, but his actions speak volumes. Heāll subtly make sure youāre taken care of, always offering help without you having to ask. Whether itās making sure youāre comfortable during a long journey or pulling you out of one of Maelorās risky games, Viserys is always there, quietly protecting you. Heāll brush it off with a modest smile, saying, āItās nothing,ā but you know better.
When Viserys falls in love, he falls hard. He doesnāt do things halfwayāonce heās set his heart on you, thatās it. Youāll notice how his attention lingers on you more than anyone else, how heās always looking out for your needs before his own. Heāll give you his full attention, listen to everything you say, and remember the smallest details about you. Itās not dramatic or flashy, but itās deep and unwavering. āYou matter more to me than you realize.ā
Viserys and Maelor are a duo thatās practically inseparable. While Maelor is the mischievous troublemaker, Viserys is the one who always steps in to help him out of sticky situations. Maelor gets himself into ridiculous trouble all the time, but Viserys is the one who makes sure things donāt go completely off the rails. āHonestly, Maelor. What did you do this time?ā Heāll say it with a sigh, but thereās affection in his eyes as he helps his best friend out yet again. Itās a relationship built on deep trust, and youāre often caught in the middle of their dynamic.
Viserysās love is soft and gentle. Heās not the type to overwhelm you with grand gestures, but heāll show his love in small, meaningful ways. Heāll remember the way you take your tea, ensure your favorite book is waiting for you after a long day, and offer a reassuring smile when you need it most. His presence is soothing, like a steady flame that never burns too bright but never wavers either. āIām here for you, always.ā
Viserys is smartāincredibly so. Heās the one who sees ten steps ahead, the strategist who quietly observes and plans, ensuring that no one can outwit him. When Maelorās wild schemes start spiraling out of control, Viserys is already two steps ahead, subtly pulling strings to fix everything. With you, heās just as attentive, always knowing what you need even before you realize it. āYouāre more predictable than you think, but I like that about you.ā Heāll say with a teasing smile, his eyes warm with affection.
Thereās something about Viserys thatās endlessly comforting. Heās the rock in a storm, the one who remains calm no matter how chaotic things get. When Maelorās antics get overwhelming or life becomes too much, Viserys is there, offering quiet support. He doesnāt need to say much to make you feel at easeājust being near him is enough. His hand on yours, the way he softly says your nameāitās like everything is okay again.
Viserys is an excellent listener. Heāll sit with you for hours, listening to everything you have to say with genuine interest, no matter how trivial it might seem. He makes you feel heard, like every word you say matters to him. He doesnāt interrupt or offer advice unless you askāheās just there, present and engaged. āIām always here to listen, you know that.ā
Viserysās loyalty is absolute. Once heās decided he cares for you, thereās no changing his mind. Heās fiercely protective of the people he loves, though he does it in a quiet, understated way. If anyone tries to harm you or Maelor, Viserys wonāt hesitate to step in, but heāll do it with such calm precision that no one will see it coming. Heās the kind of person who would go to great lengths to protect you, without ever needing to brag about it. āYou donāt need to worry. Iāll always take care of you.ā
Viserys may not be as overtly flirty as Maelor, but he has his own way of showing affection. Heāll give you knowing looks from across the room, say something that seems innocent but has a deeper meaning, and brush his hand against yours just enough to send a shiver down your spine. Itās all so subtle that you might not even realize heās flirting until you catch the way he smiles when you blush. āYouāre adorable when youāre flustered.ā
Once Viserys falls in love, everything he does starts to revolve around you. Heāll prioritize your needs over his own, making sure youāre comfortable, happy, and safe. He might not be as vocal about his feelings as some, but the way he makes you his priority in every situation speaks volumes. āYour happiness matters to me more than you know.ā
Viserys rarely gets rattled. While Maelor might be loud, dramatic, and prone to theatrics, Viserys remains calm and collected in nearly every situation. It takes a lot to get under his skin, and heās always the one diffusing tense moments with a soft word or a calm demeanor. Even when Maelor gets himself into the wildest situations, Viserys never loses his cool. āI expected this from you.ā Heāll say with a sigh, shaking his head fondly.
When Viserys finally admits his feelings, itās like a dam breaking. All of the quiet affection heās been holding back comes flooding out in soft, earnest confessions. āI didnāt want to say anything because I wasnāt sureā¦ but I canāt keep this to myself anymore. I love you. Deeply.ā His love is steady, unwavering, and all-consuming in the best way possible. Once heās yours, heās yours completely, and thereās no turning back.
Maelor and Viserys are best friends through thick and thin. Maelor might be the more adventurous one, but Viserys is always there to support him. He doesnāt get involved in Maelorās schemes for the thrillāhe does it because he cares. And even when Maelor gets them into trouble, Viserys never holds it against him. Itās the same with youāonce Viserys cares about someone, his loyalty is unshakable.
Viserysās romantic gestures are thoughtful and subtle. He doesnāt go for grand displays of affection but instead does things that show how much he knows and cares for you. Heāll leave your favorite flower on your pillow, write you a heartfelt letter when heās away, or make sure youāre always warm on a cold night. Itās not about impressing youāitās about making sure you feel loved every day. āI donāt need to shout it from the rooftops. You should know by now how much you mean to me.ā
@ ššššššššššš šššš. š
šš'š šššš, šššššš šš ššššššššš ššš šš šš ššššš šššš šš ššš ššššš ššššļæ½ļ潚šš.
#who's your favorite?#ć
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¤ š¼ć
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¤ Ėć
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¤ āć
¤ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶć
¤ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶĶ ĶĶ#hotd#house of the dragon#hotd x reader#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon ii targaryen#aegon the second#hotd aegon#king aegon#aegon x reader#aegon ii targaryen x reader#aegon fanfic#daemon targaryen x reader#daemon x reader#viserys targaryen x reader#jaehaerys targaryen#prince jaehaerys#maelor targaryen#hotd x y/n#hotd fluff#hotd fanfic#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x reader#daemon targeryan#daemon targaryen x you#daemon targaryen x female reader#hotd x you#game of thrones#game of thrones x reader
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Just read screenshots of the Aaron extra chapter and I have so many thoughts, so here they are:
It's always so funny to me to be reminded of the fact that the animosity between Aaron and Neil is mostly one-sided. Like, Neil finds Aaron frustrating, but all the antagonistic stuff he does to him is ultimately in service of helping him in some way and while he's angry when Aaron provokes him, he otherwise regards him with disinterest and even expresses the desire to see what he's like when he's relaxed and enjoying himself during the party with the Vixens. Meanwhile Aaron just really hates that man.
I really appreciated Nora using this chapter to clear up some of the gripes a lot of the fandom has had with Aaron's character in the past and confirm that Aaron's comments to Nicky have to do with his cousin making graphic and unwanted sexual advances on their teammates, and his accusations towards Neil were from a place of concern for his brother. I also liked that it was pointed out that of course he would have at least some internalized homophobia due to being raised by religious zealots in a conservative area, but is unlearning it due to Nicky.
On a similar note, I'm glad that we were provided the context that Nicky's inappropriate behavior is a defense mechanism to weed out people who might hurt him rather than legitimate advances, because I think the fandom tends to forget that he is also a character with extreme trauma written outside of the "perfect victim" stereotype. His actions aren't okay, but the entire point is that they are the result of what he's had to endure just like every other member of the team
The implication that Andrew specifically signed with the Foxes so Aaron could go to college
Aaron and Andrew have the same nervous habit of picking at loose thread
It causes me physical pain to see Andrew clearly trying to open up to Aaron about his self-harm, but because his way of communicating is less straightforward (he doesn't lie, but he because he stuggles to confront and be open with his emotions, he presents the truth in flowery, vague language) and because the two dont really know or understand each other, Aaron can't fully grasp the implications of what he's saying
On the subject of things that cause me physical pain: baby Aaron telling his mom that he wanted to be a neurosurgeon like the people on TV and her laughing and saying he'd never make anything of himself. Fuck Tilda Minyard, all my homies hate Tilda.
Andrew is so uncomfortable, someone Get Him Out of There.
Going off that and his nervous habits (that Aaron mentions he did often enough to be noticable as a habit premedication), I am highkey wondering if the reason Sober Andrew doesn't talk to anyone outside Neil is because he's just. Socially Awkward.
We get a little bit of insight into Andrew's "misogyny" (I personally think distrusting certain people as a result of extreme personal trauma is a little bit different than just being sexist, in the same way women distrusting men because they're used to being harassed and belittled isn't misandry, but that's up to your personal opinion) and that his distain for Katelyn comes from the fact that he thinks she's stringing Aaron along and will turn out to be awful like his previous girlfriends (there's also a notable implication that Aaron has the same self-destructive tendencies as Andrew, and may be why he went out of his way to get him into college and on the straight-and-narrow) also see that this extends to Bee as well despite their close relationship, with him being so afraid that she'd reject him for being gay that he can't even look at her while talking about Neil, probably made worse by the fact that she's a maternal figure for him, which is where this trauma response originates.
Aaron is the only person on the team who's aware that Andrew hasn't slept with Neil, and the only one to grasp the significance of the fact that they've gotten close to that point already despite Andrew's trauma, outside of Renee
It was overall really interesting to see inside Aaron's head (I actually wouldn't mind a book from his perspective, he has a similar way of thinking to Neil but much more grounded) and to see Andrew through the lense of someone who just views him as Just A Guy
#obligatory disclaimer that these are my OPINIONS#im not going to tolerate anyone being rude or hateful#aaron minyard#andrew minyard#aftg#aftg extra chapters#all for the game#all for the game extra chapters
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Silent Treatment
SUMMARY: How would they react to you giving them the Silent Treatment?
CHARACTERS: Demon Brothers (Lucifer; Mammon; Leviathan; Satan; Asmodeus; Beelzebub & Belphegor)
TAGS: Fluff; GN ReaderĀ
WORD COUNT: An average of 540 words per character.
COMMENTS: I remember I had this idea after reading that Mammon had stolen and sold something from MC. MC used STAY on him, but if he did that to me I would be so upset that I would want him to suffer more than that. And I thought about the silent treatment, which would certainly be his worst nightmare. And that's why I thought of making this post. Beel's part is the shortest, but you'll see why.
I hope you enjoy š¤«
CONTEXT: This takes place in the Original timeline and not Nightbringer. So, to make matters worse for them/him, you live with them in the House of Lamentation.
Your argument was probably about Lucifer working too much and you wanting to give him a break. But his stress mixed with pride made him deny this offer in a rather mean and perhaps even disrespectful way.
Does he not want you to bother him? Very well then. What if you never bother him again?
At home, you ignore him. He tries to talk to you, but seeing how stubborn you are he ends up giving up. But this is already bothering him a lot.
At school, if necessary, you will talk to him about importante matters related to RAD as if he were any other student at school. And that's it. Anything else outside of that, you will continue to ignore it.
And that just makes everything worse for him. To have YOU of all people talk to him like he was just any student?! Not only does this hurt his pride, but this small sample of conversation with you makes him miss you more and more. But he will continue to hide it.
The last straw will be at home, when he asks you something directly and you ask one of his brothers to answer for you. Bonus if it's someone from the Anti-Lucifer League. But he must have lasted two or three days without talking to you.
He will lure you to his office, where it all started. Maybe he'll tell you to go get some important papers. You won't see him inside, but as soon as you're close to the desk you'll hear the door closing and locking. And that's when you see him calmly walking down the office stairs to meet you.
āSo you decided to give me the silent treatment.ā Lucifer says as he walks down the stairs.
āDidn't you want me to leave you alone?ā You say, still not looking at him.
āI never said that and you are perfectly aware of that.ā He finishes down the stairs and walks over to you. āI just didn't want to rest because I needed to finish that.ā You don't answer him again. He already knows what you think about that. Your back is to him and he stops right behind you. ā*Sigh* I'm sorry. I know you only want me well. I was just... I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I promise that next time I will consider the break.ā
His voice is sad, so you know he was being sincere. But you wanted to see how much he missed you, so you remained silent and with your back turned to him. And he knows you. He knows what you want. He sighs again, more deeply, as if you're making him admit something that hurts his pride.
āPlease... I miss you...ā You haven't turned around yet. That wasn't enough and it bothers him. You had his desk in front of you.
He rests his hand on the table, leaning on it, and leans in to bring his face closer to yours. āNow you're just teasing me, aren't you?ā He was now with that smug on his face. And he sees you give a little smile, which was the sign he understood to move forward. He holds your chin and makes you face him. āYou missed me too, didn't you?ā he whispers near your lips āYou little tease.ā And he kisses you passionately and provocatively.
Mammon probably sold something of yours. Or maybe another things of yours. Of course, you hate it when he does that. So you decide to give him the silent treatment, because you know, you know perfectly well that he won't handle it. There is nothing else you can be so sure about as this.
The moment he realizes what you are doing, he collapses. The day wasn't even over yet. In fact, you were on break from classes.
He even gets kicked out of class for constantly trying to talk to you.
You know how much he hates being ignored and being ignored by you breaks his heart into pieces.
He wants to resolve this as quickly as possible, but not in front of his brothers. He waits for you to be alone in your room.
You hear a knock on your door and you ask who it is.
āIt's me, the Great Mammon. I got your stuff back. All of them. Open the door and see.ā
You decide to open the door, even if it was just out of curiosity and you see Mammon holding so many things that you can barely see his face. You can see your stuff that he sold and some gifts like a teddy bear, chocolates, clothes, accessories, your favourite nerd/geek/otako related stuff, etc... You let him in and put all that on top of your bed.
āI got it all back! But, um, you don't mind if some of them are new right? I also bought you more things. These are your favourite chocolates, right? And you really wanted this plush, didn't you?ā
You remain silent, looking at him with your arms crossed. This already happened once and he sold your things again.
āI won't sell your stuff again, I promise. You can hit me with your stay if I ever do it again.ā
You turn your back on him and go do something, like homework for example. You went back to ignoring him because he used that excuse before.
āPlease hang me upside down like Lucifer, use your stay on me at full power, but please stop ignoring me.ā he sounds desperate.
You sit at the table you have in the room behind the bed. Continuing to ignore him. The next scene you see is him kneeling next to you, his head at the same level as your thighs, and looking at you like a puppy with tears starting to come out of his eyes.
āPlease. I never thought this was so bad. I can't stand not having you anymore. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. Damn it, I miss you yelling at me.ā He places his chin on your thigh, looking at you. āPlease, talk to me again~ā
You can't take so much cuteness anymore. āDon't sell my stuff again! You hear me, you idiot?!ā
His face lights up. "Am I forgiven?"
āYes, for now you are.ā
He gets up and hugs you, showering you with kisses. He won't leave you alone for the rest of the day.
Levi would hardly do anything that deserved the silent treatment. He practically idolizes you, he would never do anything to hurt you. So, something like this would definitely have been an accident.
He had arranged a date with you. But then an Ruri-chan's event came up and he ended up going to it instead of going to you. He got the dates wrong and thought the date with you was the next day.
And he only realized this mistake when the next day he sent you a message asking where you were and if you had forgotten about the date, and you replied that he was the one who forgot that the date had been the day before.
After that, you are bombarded with messages apologizing and saying how much of a complete idiot he is and doesn't deserve you. You don't respond anymore, which leaves him in a dilemma to decide whether to go to you or never see you again because you don't deserve to hear the excuses of someone as pathetic as him.
But he has to do it! He has to apologize to you in person! Even if it means you telling him to his face that you never want to see him again. He would deserve it anyway.
You hear a knock on your bedroom door. The moment you open the door, Levi kneels down and places his forehead on the floor.
āI am so sorry! I'm an embarrassment of a partner. I don't even deserve your forgiveness. But I needed to show you my regret.ā
Maybe you were already feeling a little bad for him, but you were also curious to know how far your silence could take him. You turned away from the door, gesturing for him to enter your room.
He enters with mixed feelings, on the one hand he was afraid of what you could do if you wanted to punish him. On the other hand... wasn't he kinda into those things?
But no, you just sit on the bed and use your cell phone to send a message to Levi, asking why he missed the date the day before. You still needed to talk to him, but not yet with your voice that he loves so much. When he happily tells you that it was because of Ruri-chan's event, you look even more upset.
āN-N-N-N-NO WAIT! I'm so sorry! Exchanging you for anyone else, even Ruri-chan is unforgivable! I should have warned you. I wanted to tell you, but it was all so short notice.ā
You still didn't say anything and even crossed your arms with a sulky expression. He kneels at your feet and gets so close to your legs that he could even hug them.
āI know that what I did was a complete betrayal, and a wretch like me doesn't deserve another opportunity, but please, just let me hear your voice one last time, even if it's to say that you hate me.ā
And you finally break. You know he didn't do it out of spite and you've already punished him enough. You know you're practically torturing him at this point.
Regardless of how you say or show that you forgive him, he will praise you, maybe even cry and if you let him hug you, he will cling to you desperately.
Satan was probably on a bad day. A really bad day. That kind of day where anything irritates him, even you trying to calm him down. And he ended up saying what he would regret the moment you left his side: He told you to shut up.
And that's what you did, but for longer than he was expecting. He realized you were giving him the silent treatment when he came up to you to ask if the two of you could talk alone, so he could apologize to you, and you acted like he wasn't there. He was upset at first, but soon after he realized that that was exactly what led to this situation.
He won't try to talk to you in public again. He's prideful too. He'll wait until you two get home, and you are alone in your room.
You hear a knock on your bedroom door. When you open it, you see Satan with a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. Either they're your favourite flowers, or your favourite colour or anything he knows you would like.
āWould you allow me to speak to you, please?ā He wasn't angry, he was sorry and you could see it in his eyes.
You don't answer, but you let him into your room. If you pick up the flowers, he'll be a little more relieved. But if not, he'll put them on the table and get a little more worried.
āI'm so sorry. I should never talk to you like that. I regretted my words the moment you walked out the door. I realize what you are doing, you are doing what I asked you to do, and it tears me apart. I'm not mad at what you're doing to me, I deserve it and worse.ā He kneels in front of you and bows his head. āBut please tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me. Because no words can mend the ones I used.ā
If those words weren't enough for you and you're feeling like he deserves to "suffer" a little more for the way he treated you, you send him a message (he still doesn't deserve to hear your voice) saying that if he's really sorry about that, he could be your cat butler for a day.
He lifts his head and looks at you, blushing slightly. āWith a condition: It will be for your eyes and your eyes alone! No making me go to the kitchen or something while any of my brothers is there!ā
And if you agree, he will do it. Any request he will fulfill. If you tell him to end his sentences with "Nya" he will do it, partially embarrassed but partially enjoying it.
And at the end of the day, when you finally let him hear your voice again saying that you forgive him, but that you hope it doesn't happen again, he smiles, kiss your hands like a gentleman and asks permission to hug and kiss you again, after so long.
There's a good chance you decided to do this because you started seeing Asmo with more and more succubuses and incubuses.
Well, if he likes being with them so much instead of you, let's see what happens if you prefer to talk to the other brothers instead of him.
He starts the day with no idea what you've decided to do, so he compliments everyone, especially you. And the moment you don't greet him back he knows something is very wrong.
He cannot, nor does he want to, hide how devastated he already is. Of all the demon brothers he is the one who loves attention the most and not getting it from YOU is the worst thing that could happen to him.
In return, you will have ALL his attention. He won't leave you for a second. He needs to know what happened, even if he has to make a dramatic spectacle at your feet.
He will speak to you in the sweetest of voices, calling you all the affectionate names he knows of, even if he has to do so in other languages. Hon, honey, love, darling, Mon cher, mon amour, mi amor, amore mio...
If you just want to talk to him at the House of Lamentation, you'll have to ask the other brothers to basically be your bodyguards. Which will only make the situation worse for Asmo. And more fun for his brothers.
When you get home you tell one of the brothers to tell Asmo that when you are available to talk to him you will send him a message.
You were alone in your room when you sent the message to Asmo saying that you could "talk" in your room. Not a second had passed when he knocked on your door, almost as if he had been waiting in the hallway that entire time.
Heāll walk in like a happy puppy whose owner has finally opened the door for him. He will try to hug you, but you can't give in. You stray, cross your arms and looks in any direction other than at him.
āWhy are you being so mean to me?ā he asks in that cute, sad voice. āWhat could someone as cute as me have done to deserve this?ā
To continue guarding your voice until he deserves to hear it, you write and send him a message. In it you talk about the succubuses and incubuses with whom he took a ton of photos and posted a bunch of stories, and it started to be much more than normal.
āAww, my little sheep is jealous, that's so cute!ā You turn your back to him. āHA! NO! Wait! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I thought you knew that you are the one I love the most in all three worlds. I love you almost as much as I love myself. I couldn't say no to my fans. Oh, I know! What if we spend a whole day together? What if we went on a special date? I can prepare everything! I'll reserve a table at your favorite restaurant. I can even buy you new clothes if you want.ā You turned back to him, but still didn't say anything. āPwease, talk to me again~ I'm sowwy~ā
If you accept his apology and tell him so with your voice, he will hug you and kiss you al over your face. āAhhh! I missed you so much~!ā
Honestly, I can't imagine a single scenario where Beel would do something that would deserve the silent treatment. He's the type to apologize even if it's not his fault. Even if he ate something of yours, he would apologize in the next second.
So, most likely, you and Belphie were just curious to know how Beel would react. And this would probably happen after you had done this to everyone else but him and his brothers wanted to know how he would react.
At breakfast he greets everyone, but you're the only one who doesn't greet him back. And you already feel horrible because you can feel his sad gaze on you.
"(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" he asks in an already apologetic voice. You still don't answer him, and that hurts so much, poor thing.
The other brothers tell Beel to start eating otherwise everyone will be late. But he says he doesn't want to. And everyone looks at him in amazement, except you. He is looking at you and only you, no one else matters, not even the food.
āAre you angry with me? I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did this time, but I'm sorry. Did I eat something that was yours?ā You still don't respond but you're almost at your breaking point. ā(Y/N)?ā He says your name in the cutest regretful voice that only he could do and you break down.
You turn to him and hug him, apologizing. You explain that he didn't do anything and explain that everything is fine. If you offer him the rest of your breakfast he will be very happy.
But he will be much closer to you for the rest of the day. It hurt him a lot and he just wants to make sure that everything was really okay. He will really like it if you two cuddle a little when your back home.
What could he do to make you mad at him? *cough* Lesson 16 *cough*. Anyway. There's a good chance he's been a little more selfish lately. Always wanting your free time to be spent with him, and try to convince you to fall into the temptation of laziness and exchange your responsibilities for him.
He needed to learn a lesson. He needed to value you more and realize that you are not a guarantee. Let's see what happens if he no longer has you.
He realizes something is wrong when you don't respond to him.
He tries to convince you to talk to him by being cute. That younger brother cuteness that he always uses against his brothers.
When he realizes that this isn't going to work, he isn't exactly going to give up. He will stop trying to convince you with words, yes. But he won't leave your side. He will be almost like a ghost behind you. At least until you all get home.
You'll have to lose him or convince his brothers to help you if you don't want him to follow you to your room the moment you get to the House of Lamentation.
If you manage to do this, you will be bombarded with messages until you finally respond saying he can come talk to you in your room.
He knocks on your bedroom door like he normally does. As soon as you let him in and close the door he will get extremely close to you, but he won't hug you no matter how much he wants to. He knows that could make the situation worse.
āSo, what happened?ā he asks close to your ear and in his calm voice. āWhy are you upset with me?ā
You poke your head in a gesture.
āDo you want me to think? To guess? *Sigh* Fine...ā he says pouting sadly. āUm... I know you get upset because I make you late with your work. Sorry. I promise I'll stop being so pushy about that. But, you know I want to be with you.ā
That was a good start, but it still wasn't enough for you. You had your back turned to him without speaking.
āYou know, it really hurts to see you mad at me like this. I miss you.ā and then it hits him. āOh... thatās it, I miss you. I donāt think anyone likes to be seen as a guarantee, right? I'm sorry, for being so selfish with you. You always try to make me happy by giving in to my whims, I should do the same for you more often... I mean, I will do the same for you more often. I promise.ā You turn to him, but still don't say anything. āum... What if... tomorrow, I have to give in to whatever whims you have? But go easy on me, okay?ā
You accept the deal, and tell him so. He laughs, saying that he already missed hearing your voice so much. And if you let him, he'll hug you.
āWe still have a lot of time until dinner, and I miss your cuddles. You're not going to say you didn't miss me too, right? Come on, just a few minutes. I promise I'll spoil you more than you spoil me, he he.ā
If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX
#Obey Me#obey me shall we date#obey me imagines#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me fluff#obey me x reader#obey me Lucifer#obey me Lucifer x Reader#obey me Mammon#obey me Mammon x Reader#obey me Leviathan#obey me Leviathan x Reader#obey me Levi#obey me Levi x Reader#obey me Satan#obey me Satan x Reader#obey me Asmodeus#obey me Asmodeus x Reader#obey me Asmo#obey me Asmo x Reader#obey me Beelzebub#obey me Beelzebub x Reader#obey me Beel#obey me Beel x Reader#obey me Belphegor#obey me Belphegor x Reader#obey me Belphie#obey me Belphie x Reader
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šššš šššššššššš šššš
ā±āæā° summary: headcanons with bakugo and a black cat girl
ā±āæā° warnings: swearing, suggestive comments, fighting ig, idrk
ā±āæā° notes: i have had this request for like fifteen months lol but im finally doing it for my pookie's bday. Happy birthday ml š«¶ im posting it now so i dont forget lol
ā he hates you at first sorry not sorry. bakugo just sees you as yet another one of those extras who happen to have an annoying tendency to fight with him. i feel like he might respect your tenacity but barely and he still hates your guts whoops
ā on the topic of hatred, your other classmates half are jokingly shipping you and the other half are just wishing you two would stop fighting. mina is at the head of the shipping bandwagon especially after she read a book with rivals to lovers. todoroki might say he ships you guys only because he thinks it means he wants you two to get along lol
ā your arguments would mostly be stupid shit like who rescued who, who did better on the assignment. you guys are rivals who also get into fistfights because why not.
ā bakugo doesn't think much of your swearing problem because he's used to it by his mom. you're just another annoying person who happens to like using some naughty words all the time (him in girl form)
ā i feel like the way you two get closer is kinda sad but also drama yay. basically mineta was being an S-class pervert and he was literally harassing you.
ā and it made you uncomfortable so you started to fight back. bakugo doesn't find you until the aftermath, huddled in the corner of the dorm while trying to hide your tears
ā he didn't know seeing someone cry could make his heart clench like that. But for some reason, seeing you all teary eyed and sad made him want to punch the living daylights out of whoever made you like that
ā as awkwardly as he can, he tries to comfort you. His large hand patting your back, not saying anything since words have never been his forte. He was used to using anger to battle his sadness, he didn't know how to help someone succumb to it.
ā you guys sit there in comfortable silence until you explain to bakugo what happened. he'd always hated the little brat but now he was wishing he had uraraka's powers so he could throw mineta into space. how was the creep still in the hero course?
ā lets just say the nice day mineta looked more like a cranberry than a grape
ā you guys aren't particularly close after that but he does tend to notice you more which means his respect for you goes up. you're in combat training and you beat deku? fuck yeah he likes you now. even if you don't hate deku like he does he still thought it was awesome seeing you beat the daylights out of him.
ā the moment he realized he liked you was when he almost lost you. by now hanging out was pretty regular for the two of you, even if bakugo would rather die than admit that he sees you as a friend. and since you guys spent time together he was around for whenever you got crushes...and told him about it.
ā most of the time he would shrug it off, especially since half of your crushes were fictional and why would he care? he's not jealous! however you started falling for a boy in class 2b which (for some reason) was a major no go for bakugo. why would you want to date a stupid extra when he was right in front of you
ā despite what everyone says he isn't the most emotionally constipated. it takes awhile yeah but i imagine he started going to therapy during the course of the show so he started to understand what feelings went where and etc
and one thing was for certain: this feeling was love.
ā he started being a massive asshole after that. he went right back to always arguing with you or ignoring you completely. he might understand his feelings but that doesn't mean he knows how to handle them
ā he was so wrapped up in his angry emoness that he didn't know you had stopped talking to the boy from class 2b, forgetting him entirely. he also failed to notice the hurt looks you'd give bakugo before you snapped right back into your harsh comebacks.
ā the reason you guys even talk it out is during a simulation where the both of you get stuck inside rubble. you were both exhausted, dehydrated, and heartbroken.
ā you just couldn't help but ask, "why do you hate me?" which basically broke his heart into a million little pieces. he couldn't help the way he admitted to his feelings, the way he handed you his heart in hopes you'd keep it safe...and safe you did.
ā if you two as rivals were bad you two dating is even worse. you guys are the ultimate power couple, able to tear anybody down with a few well placed sneers and snorts.
ā everybody either loves or hates you guys. mina obviously loves you guys even if you two are constantly arguing still plus with the added of you two tag teaming one person. she loves when she manifests things.
ā you guys still have that silly banter and with your tempers. but now you guys made up your arguments with kisses and cuddles
ā you guys aren't allowed to get paired together for assignments because you are either bickering or making out. and aizawa is too tired to try to stop it.
lori Ā© 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything weird with my writing! i like reblogs and comments but please be kind as this was my writing.
#ā lori writes#my love skye#mha#mha x reader#mha bakugou#boku no hero academia#bnha#my hero acedamia#my hero academia#boku no hero acedamia#bakugo katuski#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugou#bakugo katsuki#kacchan#x reader
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I apologize for irritable tone of this post, but a portion of this fandom is starting to irritate me, so let's analyze catwin through the lens of how age works for ghosts and how situational irony is used in a scene where Edwin and Niko talk about kissing.
Let's start with age. Right at the beginning, when Emma asks Charles and Edwin to take her case, she tries to play it off as her being just a little girl. This is what Edwin replies:
And before anyone jumps the gun and says: "He said SUPERNATURALLY speaking! He is still physically 16!"
Okay. Let's unpack that. Considering how for people who are immortal, which ghosts essentially are, and as such unchanging, that isn't quite a proper argument, is it? Because the way I see it, there are two ways someone could argue this. Either your gripe is about the Cat King finding Edwin attractive despite him physically being a 16 year old or your gripe is that Edwin is mentally 16 and as such, cannot consent.
If it's the first, I think that argument is quite lacking here, because we know the Cat King is aware Edwin is older than 16. And as someone who is an adult and often gets mistaken for a minor, I think the idea that you can just always tell someone's age by looking at them quite funny. Also, by that logic, I shouldn't be able to consent either, because people generally gauge my age to be between 16-18, when I am in my mid 20s.
If it's the second, your point doesn't work because being frozen at 16 would mean being unable to learn and develop firther than what you did by that age. Which we know is false for ghosts, especially Edwin. He changes and develops constantly throughout the s1, and we have a front row seat to that! Human brains aren't clear cut, and before you jump under the post to say your brain isn't fully develop until age 25, I will kindly tell you that human brains, in fact, never stop changing and developing. And that experiences, traumas, etc hugely impact developments of individuals.
One argument I can sort of is perhaps Edwin and Charles having somewhat stunted emotional growth, but as we also see throughout the season, that has more to do with them stagnanting rather than them being unable to emotionally develop. And frankly, I know bunch of adults with the same issues, so.
Now for the "But Edwin said he doesn't want to kiss the Cat King!" argument. How about we look at what Edwin says before that, huh?
He says he has never been kissed and didnt understand the appeal, until recently. And you cannot tell me it wasn't the Cat King who made him realize it. Yes, he wanted to kiss Charles and I am not saying he didn't like Monty too, but if it wasn't for the Cat King getting physically close to him and playing into his desires, he wouldn't have realized that he too, feel physical attraction!
As for him saying "Absolutely not!" When Niko asks him if he wants to kiss the Cat King, I think that's laughable argument to saying "Well, see, he didn't want him!" Because first of all, characters can lie. Edwin most certain, lies about things he wants, both to himself and others, up until pressed.
Besides, if I am not mistaken, given English isn't my first language and I learned this stuff in a different language, this is also called situational irony, aka, someone say something won't/can't happen and then it happens. This is very often seen in romance plots too. A characters says they hate someone and then they end up dating them.
Think of Lizzy Benett and Darcy
And then she goes ahead and married him later, once her opinion of him changes. It's a classic romance trope!
Similarly, Edwin says he doesn't want to kiss the Cat King and what happens at the end? Oh yeah!
He kisses the Cat King. Shocker.
But yeah just like. Y'all are free to not like the ship for whatever reason, but for the love of god, stop making up stuff that's just blantantly untrue. There is an "anti catwin" tag for a reason, if you truly cannot stop yourself from commenting, but in all honestly, you could just enjoy your own ship without putting other ppl's ships down. Cat King is not perfect by any means, but this isn't a predator type of situation. I and many others have addressed the whole "coercion" bit quite a few times so I won't get into it again, but these two arguments I have seen pop up and I just had to address it. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
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Why Her? - Matt Sturniolo
a/n: this is my first fan fic so pls be nice, i made this keeping in mind i might make this a series thing so yes its a bit of a slow burn. Its pretty bad considering it is my first time writing something like this.
Summary: You and Matt have been best friends your whole life, sometimes even more then friends.. so when he gets a girlfriend, you make it your mission to remind him what he's missing.
Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, protected p in v and oral.. might make this a partly thing.
Matt x Female reader
One of the perks of having a birthday on October 31st is the amazing halloween party's you get to throw. This year, Nick offered to have the party at his place, you, Nick and Chris spent months planning and decorating for the best night of your life, (i mean it is your 21st birthday), as for Matt.. well he had decided to spend his time with his new girlfriend.... Maria. Nick and Chris hated Maria, it was obvious she was clout chasing Matt. She would always ask to be in their videos or post Matt to her social media. They'd only been dating for a few months so obviously Nick and Chris got suspicious when she'd ask so often. You'd never met her personally but anyone who was dating Matt was immediately dead meat to you. But tonight... you were going to meet for the first time.
Nick is currently updating you on the shit talking Maria does behind your back. "I mean she hasn't even met you yet it's all empty threats and boosted egos." You smiled lightly at Nicks comment. "We would much rather prefer it to be you than her." You let out a little giggle. "Let's just get ready to have a goodnight okay. Who knows what will happen tonight." While getting into your costume, you go over your plan in your head: look hot, get drunk, fuck Matt. It was pretty easy, Matt always fell victim to your flirtatious persona, he'd obviously fall for it tonight after seeing you in your corset and mini skirt.
After putting on the finishing touches to your costume, you take a few shots with Nick and not long after people started to arrive, soon enough people were piling through the door in their halloween costumes. Matt had stayed the night at Maria's the night before so he didn't come til a little bit later. Your nerves started to rack up while waiting for him to come so you and a few others did a couple more shots.
"Oh you guys are gonna get fucked up". Chris walked in wearing his Stranger Things inspired costume. "AWWW CHRISSY! YOU LOOK SO CUTE!" As you walk over to Chris you stumble over the floor "woah! looks like someones already a bit tipsy." Just as you look at Chris, Matt walks through the door with his slutty girlfriend. He's dressed up in an extremely attractive cowboy costume, the jeans hug his crotch while the button up flannel shows his chest in the right ways, clinging to his arm... she's obviously dressed as a cowgirl, but the jean shorts give her camel toe and the tied up flannel shows just how uneven her boobs are. You mentally scoff before smiling and walking over to them. "Matt! It's so good to see you" You clumsily walk over to him and hug him in a way that purposely creates tension between his crotch and yours. You back away and look at Maria, throwing her a fake smile. "You must be Maria, it's so nice to meet you" She looks you up and down before throwing a fake smile back "you too... happy birthday" You look back at Matt just in time to see his eyes rake over your figure. "Well you two have fun" Without saying anything else you walk off.
As the night progresses you continue to dance with your friends and enjoying your birthday, every now and then looking at Matt as he looks at you even with Maria by his side. You even made out with a stranger just to get him on edge. The time hits 3am, everyone's sung happy birthday and are slowly starting to leave.. but the house is still more than full with people. You've stopped drinking now but can still feel the alcohol in your system. As you hug some friends goodbye, you see Matt kissing Maria goodbye. You smirk knowing Matt will finally be alone. Matt quickly pushes past you going upstairs and into his room... it was obvious he didn't want to be alone with you, but like hell were you gonna let him get away with that.
"Didn't even say happy birthday to me" you pout as you walk into his room. "You don't need a happy birthday from me, why are you in my room." You can see he's putting up a fight in his head whether or not to make eye contact or not. "I haven't seen you in a while, you don't talk to me anymore." You were serious now. It hurt not talking to Matt. "I have a girlfriend now." You scoff. "So that means you can't talk to me?!" "We don't talk. We fuck. And I don't cheat." He was serious, but you didn't care. You sat on his bed. "Why her." "W-What?" He looks up at you. "Why her. Why not me. I know you better than any other girl, I know how to make you feel good. Why her." He didn't have an answer.
You look at him right in the eye, "What does she have that I don't." He didn't expect that question from you. His eyes opened slightly before returning to his neutral expression. You crawl closer to him "I mean, she's hot.. but I'm hotter." You stop crawling right in between his legs. "You're drunk." You perk yourself right in between his crotch. "I stopped drinking about an hour ago." "Let's get you to Nicks room." "I don't want to be in Nick's room, i want to be in yours." Your hands roam his thighs, his breath hitches as he watches your hands. "Why can't you want me the way I want you?" You were genuinely asking. Before he could answer you place yourself on his lap. "This is wrong" he whispers so close you can feel his breath on your lips. "Then why does it feel so good.. No one has to know, just us." You pepper kisses on his neck, his hands subconsciously finding you waist as his head flies back giving you more access. You pull away causing him to look up. "Take my clothes off Matt." Without a second thought his hands fly to the clips on the front of your corset undoing them all within seconds. As he throws your corset on the floor you start unbuttoning his shirt.
Once his shirts completely discarded you look at him, he obviously can't control himself yet you can see he's thinking about how this will affect his relationship. Your hands find their way into his curls. "One more time Matt. That's all i'm asking. That's all I want. And after this.... you don't have to talk to me ever again." He looks up at you, obviously disagreeing with your words but all he says is "okay, once and then never again." A ping of heartbreak hit you, he was willing to never speak to you again. But you push it aside and place your lips on his, slowly grinding against his jeans causing a wet spot to form. He flips you both over and discards your skirt and panties. He starts kissing down your body, in between your thighs, you gasp and grab hold of his hair. "Doesn't matter how many times we end up here, i'll always devour you." His words meant nothing to you now knowing after this, you wouldn't see him again. You push his head in between your thighs and he immediately pushes his tongue through your folds. "Matt omg- fuck" you begin to moan loudly, no one can hear over the music. He laps his tongue through your folds before finding his way to your clit, kissing it passionately, not long after you clench around his tongue.
He moves away abruptly causing you to whimper at the loss of contact. "If this is the last time, i want this to last a while, i need you to cum in me." His words sent shivers down your spine. He moves back on top of you unzipping his jeans. "Condom." He grabs one from his drawer before putting it on and quickly pounding inside you. He was eager. You immediately become a moaning mess, he kisses you to keep you quiet. "Fuck- taking it so - mmm- so well" He continues to pound in and out of you, the bed frame underneath moving with the movements of his hips. "M-Matt, I'm not gonna last" You feel your stomach tightening around him, your walls clenching him. He throws his head to your neck sucking on the skin to quiet himself. Your hands run through his hair, pulling on it lightly. "One last time. One last time." He starts chanting it to get himself off, tears brim your eyes knowing that he's looking forward to this ending more than it happening. "Matt i'm gonna cum" You push your hips into him causing one last enjoyable ride before the both of you cum in unison. He rolls over panting. You quickly put your clothes back on without saying a word. "Where are you going?" "You said one last time, never again." "That doesn't mean you have to leave." You look at him. "You didn't enjoy that. You didn't want it like I did. I'm better off out of your hair anyways." "cmon i did want it. I just.. Maria-" You cut him off "Why her matt?! I was right here! waiting for you. and you... you chose her." He didn't say anything so you left.
You weren't sober enough to drive home so you walked... you'd come back for your car tomorrow.
A/N: I know this is bad.. it's literally my first time writing something like this so I'll take any feedback i cant get lol.
#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo smut#sturniolo fanfic#matt x reader#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fandom#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo x reader
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Foggy Minds
Word Count: 4.7K A/N: I dont know his body!! So I tried to leave it ambiguous and yeah!! i also wrote this just for the ending bit
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Itās a fucking joke. A cruel one. Angels- or at least Exterminators- are known for their cruelty. Raining down from above, a storm cloud that leaves red behind. Even after the destruction and death, the guts and gore that leave a lasting stench, the cruelty isnāt done. The angel Adam still has to bring torment down to Hell.
A wolf in sheepās clothing is what he is. He can pretend heās higher than the sinners down below, but heās just as crude, if not more so than the worst of them here. Itās a tradition at this point for both you and him. He brings hell on hell, and a week later, he flies down once more, calling the club that you work at, demanding for you to be sent to the Heaven Embassy. However, as the next Extermination Day comes close, heās called for your services once again. You wish you could say no, but he pays quite a lot for you, and you could always use the money..Ā
You hate the walk there more than anything. Itās like everyone knows youāre off to go fuck the Exorcist. You look both ways before disappearing through the doors of the Embassy. Maybe they think youāre getting a meeting with- someone.Ā
The Embassy is empty, and every step you take echoes out in the room. Youāre terrified. You always are. It never stops feeling like a trap. Even in the elevator on the way to the suite, you can only stare at the golden doors in front of you, your reflection distorted and twisted.Ā
If youāre going to be honest- you arenāt sure why itās you who has to come up. Itās Adam- heās bragged enough about how he can have anyone, and yet, he pays for a sinnerās cunt. You make sure to not feel special, to squash any pride down. Perhaps itās too tedious to pay for another sinner or hellborn, and itās best to just get what he knows will be a good fuck. You sigh and look away from your reflection and the glowing numbers. Still, you show up and do your job. You've taken better and worse clients. The angel is just someone in between.Ā
The doors open and you pass a few doors until you reach his suite. You donāt know why the Embassy has so many rooms, and when you tried to ask Adam, he made a comment about how you could have a fuck-a-thon, doing it in each room, and you sneered at the idea.Ā
Your suite- or rather his suite- is unlocked like always. You waste no time, stepping into the shimmering room. Itās livable. A kitchenette on one side, a bathroom with a wonderful shower tucked in the room, and a massive bed pushed to the end of the room. The room is bright, golds and blues, a deep dark wood carved into ornate decorations, and you feel out of place. Itās nice- far too nice for you to show up and defile it with what youāre going to do. The room never ceases to amaze you. There arenāt many places in Hell where the colors are bright and soft at the same time, where things look so pristine and untouched. When you once mentioned to Adam how nice the room was, he laughed and told you that there were far better rooms in Heaven. A part of you still wishes that he would have offered to show you- something, pictures, descriptions, anything.Ā
āTook you long enough!ā The angel says, leaning back on the bed. āI pay for your entire time, ya know? From the walk from your whore house to the embassy, the least ya could do is hurry it up. Iām a very important angel, ya know?ā
āYou ordered me like last-ā
He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. āI donāt want excuses.ā His hand waves in the air, and he sits on the bed. āCome on, letās get to it.ā You roll your eyes at him as you walk closer. āOi! Donāt roll your eyes at me,ā his voice is laced with disgust, and you remember that he looks down on you- in more ways than you would care to admit. āCome on, strip.ā Your hands go to unzip your skirt. āAnd make it good!ā
You bite your tongue. Your shirt is the first to go. The action is slow, tantalizing as your fingers skim over your bare skin, and your skirt follows suit, pooling on the floor. You step out the fabric, and your heels click on the floor. Adam watches you, his hands scratching the bed covers. You spread your legs over his right, and grab his hands, letting them touch your ribs and then moving towards your back.Ā
You can feel the tips of his claws scratch at the clip of your bra. You press your cunt over his robe covered thigh, and grind over it softly. āPlease, Adam,ā you beg. āTake it off for me?ā Your hands rest over his chest, and he watches as you grind yourself over him, your hands fisting over his robe, and you wonder for a moment if maybe you did a bad thing- if this was the wrong move. But then your bra straps fall down your shoulders, and itās discarded somewhere in the room.
You hiss when his mouth suckles on a breast, the other breast being pinched and pulled at. He sucks so softly, letting his tongue roll over the swelling bud, teething at it so you hiss and arch yourself further into him. You can feel a wet spot grow, and you canāt help but rock yourself over your thigh. The other breast is manhandled, twisted and pinched that has you gasping and fisting holy fabric in your sinner hands.Ā
You're pushed off and his hands claw over your hip. You get the memo, and peel off your underwear, the wetness of it noticeable, and the only mention of it is when Adam pockets your underwear. You wish you bought another pair with you. The heels are tossed aside, and strong hands push you down from your shoulders. You fall onto your knees with a hiss, and you know what you have to do.
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āAnd- And- Oh fuck, thatās it, baby-ā He hisses, his head tilted back. The hand fisted into your hair tightens, sharp stinging encouraging you to swallow more so he could let go. āIām just saying that why would you settle for anything less than-ā A moan interrupts his monologue and you look at him through glossy eyes. āOh fuck. Itās like a fucking gift to suck me off.ā
A string of spit and pre-ejaculate connects to your lips as you pull away. Itās thick and white, and youāre gasping for hair, a hand wrapped around the base of his cock and you push yourself to swallow his package, fitting the pair into your mouth as your hand pumps his length. Heās breathing heavily, and you know he's upset at the loss of contact with your mouth with the way that his hand tangles itself into your hair, but his mask is twisted, and you pop them out of your mouth. Your mouth feels dry despite the excess spit- you suppose itās the salty taste that lingers.Ā
You take him back in your mouth, eager, and begging for him to just spill his seed already. Your cheeks hollow, and heās heavy on your tongue. Your tongue swirls over a vein, and you can feel him twitching.
āFuck, Iām close,ā he hisses, his hands cradling your head. You hum, and brace yourself, your hands holding at his thighs, bracing yourself for him to thrust forward. His hands tighten, and he thrusts into your mouth. You gag around him, your throat constricting around him. Itās a horrid sound, loud and hollow, and acid threatens to bubble over. As he continues to pump himself into you, spit dribbles from the corner of your lips and youāre grateful that you were ordered to remove your clothes.Ā
āThatās right, take it. Oh fuck, fuck-ā a string of curses fills the room, and heās unrelenting, pushing deeper into your throat. A hand slips to grab at your breast, eyes squinting when you can feel the spit coat over your chest. Your other hand tightens around Adamās thigh, your nails pinching into him.
Your fingers pinch over your nipple, rolling it over, desperate to take your mind off of the assault of your mouth. His thrusts get deeper and harsher, and heās still in the back of your throat, holding you down. Curses mutter in the air, sharp and slurring together, and he keeps his eyes on you. The eye contact is far too much, the piercing eyes boring into your entire being, and it must be some type of power play for him. You choose to focus on the base of his cock. With your nose pressed into his pubic bone, you cough around him, and finally he pulls away, his seed laying thick on your tongue. Tears wet your face and mix with your spit and the drops of his seed.Ā
He grabs your chin and you open your mouth, showing the mess that heās made. Letting go, you stay still, as he taps his cock on your face. Itās tacky with your spit and leaves you feeling much filthier than you would like to admit. You hold the seed in your mouth and he gives a nod, and you make a show of swallowing, and open your mouth to show him. āDid you want me to do a blessing before you swallow?āĀ He teases. āWith my holy cum, I grant you the opportunity to fuck me.ā He chuckles at his joke.
āThank you, Adam,ā you murmur, hoping that the soreness on your jaw will go away.
āYou know, you could learn how to relax your throat. Youād think after doing this for a living, your gag reflex wouldn't be a thing.ā You send him a dirty look, and his grin widens. āSo fucking sensitive. What did you want me to tell you? That you were good?ā
You arenāt sure what mood heās in at the moment. Sometimes you can tell when he wants to fight with you- where he wants to punish you and call you a sinner as he ravages you, but then there are moments when he wants you to beg for him, to tell him how good he is, how you want his cock more than anything. But at the moment with your skull pounding and jaw sore, you spit out a simple, āFuck you.ā His grin widens, and he hoists you up onto the bed. The stickiness on your face ruins the soft comforter, and you feel too dirty to even touch something so nice.
āI was going to be nice and just fuck you, but shit, you had to talk back.āĀ
A hand grips at your rear, and a finger teases at your hole. You hiss at the contact, and you're glad youāre face down or else youād never hear the end of it of how flustered you must look. As if reading your mind, he flips you over, your face exposed and your hands immediately cover the lower half.Ā
āAdam-ā you squeal, instinctively trying to close your legs only to have them pried apart.Ā
āDonāt worry,ā he says casually. āI just wanna look at how wet you got just from sucking on me.ā A finger traces against your slick and you watch as he tastes the finger. āDamn, I should have let you keep your panties on if I knew you were going to get this wet.ā A finger enters and you squirm, suckling the intrusion further into your softness. āYouāre soaked. And all you had to do was suck me off. You know, if I could keep you, I would.ā He enters another finger, pushing the two inside until heās at the knuckles. āIād give you a nice collar, a nice bed, and all you would have to do is be my little cocksleeve.ā He pulls out, and thick strings of slick connect his fingers back to your cunt. He returns his fingers to your cunt, now with the addition of a third. Itās a wide stretch, a sharp pain being overridden with pleasure. āI bet youād like that. Youād live a pampered life, and all you have to do is keep your pussy spread open for me.āĀ
With a yank, youāre pulled further into the bed. The comforters make a soft noise, but the bed itself doesnāt creak. You watch with half-lidded eyes, focused as he rests on his knees beside you, his cock growing, the scent of it enough to make you go dizzy. You brush your cheek against it, licking at the side of it when he thrusts his fingers into you.
You sit on the bed, his cock pressed against your face, and with a mind too delirious to think of anything else, you pull him into your mind, lazily bobbing his head, as his fingers scissor inside of you.Ā
You breathe heavily, your mind growing fuzzy with the stimulation. Heās slow and lazy, massaging the inside of your gummy walls as he looks down at you taking his cock once more. A hand brushes your hair away from your face, and you pull away, pecking at his cockhead, nuzzling the glistening head against your lips. It isnāt enough for you, and you swallow him once more, humping into his hand when he gives a smart smack to your cunt.Ā
āTurn around,ā he orders, and you scamper to do so. You donāt get a moment to prepare yourself, until heās bullying himself inside of you. Your hands claw at the comforter, and with watery eyes, you see the fabric tear apart underneath your claws. āYouāre clamping down hard around me,ā he breathes out, and you buck your hips, trying to feel him deeper into you.
Above you, he's heavy, and selfish, pumping into you relentlessly. The sound of skin slapping against skin is harmonized by your moans. He grunts above you, whispering strings of obscenities and few words of praise linger in the air.
āOh fuck,ā he grunts out, āso fucking good.ā His breath is hot against you, fanning out into feathered tickles that touch at your body. Heās never been one for intimacy before reaching his peak, always preferring to be lustful, so you never expect him to actually kiss you, but in moments where he rights just at the right spot, youād wish he do a little more to make it feel something other that whatever this all is.
His body is pressed against your back, hands squirming underneath to grab at your breasts. His hands are rough and unforgiving, pulling and pinching his nails into your soft skin, You can feel the warmth of his breath against your neck, puffing and huffing, murmurs about how you feel wrapped around him, and you bury your face into the comforter. Your mouth is slacked open, spit pooling down, as your moan helplessly around him, body taut and nerves feeling as if theyāre on fire.Ā
āNo fucking wonder youāre a sinner,ā he seethes out, his thrusts harsh and deep, enough to have you see stars and think about how as selfish as he can, he feels so good. āWith a pussy this good, I bet you had everyone lined up for just a taste.ā You let out a low whine. āYeah, I bet you did. No wonder you were hired at that sex joint. Did you have to fuck the owner to get in? Ha?ā His tone is wicked, and youāre unsure if itās his words or the fact that youāre so close as to what is making you tear up. His weight above you shifts, and by your hair, youāre yanked back. You yelp and tighten around him, tears slipping down. āI asked you a question.ā
āI didnāt-ā you yelp as he continues to bully himself inside of you- āI didnāt hear it, ām sorry,ā you mumble, your scalp stinging with pain.Ā
āToo fucked up on my dick to even think,ā he hisses, pushing you down onto the bed. He pulls himself out, and you whimper, shaking your head and pushing yourself closer to him, your cunt weeping for more of him. āA cock hungry slut is all you are, huh?ā His cock is pulled out, and he watches you whine, your cunt gaping and leaking slick that makes your thighs glisten.Ā
āAdam, please,ā you moan, turning your head to look over your shoulder. You can feel the drool stick to the side of your lips.Ā
āPlease what?ā he spits out, his eyes flickering to yours, before returning to your ruined sex.
You let a whimper, high-pitched and desperate. You fall back to the bed, your eyes looking forward, and your hand slips underneath you, fingers peeking towards your cunt, feeling the warmth drip onto your fingertips. āI want more,ā you tell him, your words muffled by the comforter. āI want you,ā you tell him, hoping that heād take pity on you for a moment.
The tip of his cock brushes itself against your opening, and you clench around it, your body aching for more. āNah, you have to do better than that.ā Your cries are shushed, brows furrowed and youāre turned over onto your back, āCome on, Iāve heard you beg before.ā Two of his fingers enter you, thrusting in painfully slow. āYou know what to say already.ā Your chest rises and falls rapidly, your fingers twisting the bed sheets into spirals. You shake your head, humping pathetically into his hand. āI promise to make ya feel real good.āĀ
āAdam,ā you croak. He pulls his fingers out, and tears gluten over your lashes. āPlease, I wanna be fucked.ā Your legs tense when you feel the tip of his cock nestle itself inside of you. āIām just a filthy sinner who needs-ā you yelp when he thrusts himself inside of you, the entire lengths filling you nicely- āneeds to be fucked by your holy dick.ā His hands curve over your hips, scratching softy over your skin.Ā
āA little more, honey, and Iāll ruin that demon pussy for you.ā His hands curve over your hips, scratching softly over your skin, his voice low and sweet for you.
āAdam,ā you plead, your hands curving over your breasts, āI need you,ā you whisper in a haze. āI need your cock in me, I wanna cum real bad. I need you. I need you to fuck my sinner pussy.ā
He gives you a lazy smile, and gives a nonchalant shrug. āGood enough.ā He pushes himself inside of you. Your stomach coils into a heat, and you suck in a harsh breath when his fingers slip to rub at the bundle of nerves between your legs. āYou have a fucking grip on my dick. What is it? Are you close?ā You let out a broken moan. Your legs kick up, and wrap around him. āIf I cum in you, youāre dealing with it.ā His grin is sharp and predatory, and it only makes you drag your hands down his arms.
Your hands reach up, and you hold the sides of his neck, your hands curving behind, and you just feel tufts of hair peek from underneath the mask. A hand reaches to grab your wrist, holding it tightly, and youāre sure youāre going to have a bruise afterward. āYou fuckinā slut,ā he spits out. āYou think just because you got my mask off last time, Iāll let you look at me again?ā
āAdam,ā you whimper out, scratching at the back of his neck with your free hand, āplease. I just wanna look,ā you slur out. You know youāll regret saying those things when youāve sobered from him, but sex always did make you softer, needier. You think that must be why he decided to continue to hire you- to see you pant for him and stroke his ego. āYouāre so pretty, I wanna see,ā you lament. āI wanna- I just- I wanna look at you when I cum,ā you stumble over your words, your fingertips tapping against the bottom of the mask. The golden eyes narrow at you, and you can only look for so long until you turn your attention elsewhere.
His mask is tossed to the side, and his irises glow. The hand that holds your wrist loosens, and you cup over his cheek, the stubble on his chin scratching at your palm. āFuck- Oh fuck,ā you hiss out, your heart beating against your chest rapidly. āIām gonna- Oh my- Adam! Fuck,ā you hiss, the knot in your stomach tightening, a pressure building more and more until youāre sure that youāll burst.Ā
Even as your body shakes, he doesnāt stop. He continues moving his hips, pushing all of himself inside of you, his breath coming out in pants above you, his smile sharp and face flushed. A hand wraps around your neck, and you arch yourself into it, whining and mumbling at how your cunt is still too sensitive, how he has to slow down, but he coos at you, and he tells you how good youāre benign for him, and you hold onto his wrist with your hands.Ā
Adam places his face close to yours, his lips and breath fanning above yours, and youāre stuck staring at his eyes, unable to look away from the gold in front of you. You lick your lips, and you brush against his. He stares at you, and your face burns.Ā
He gives shallow thrusts, and is still inside of you, and you can feel him. You can feel the heat, and the stickiness leaks out of you. He keeps himself there, and hides himself into the crook of your neck. After a moment, he slips out, and you can feel the heaviness of his seed weep out of you in slow and heavy drools.Ā
You lay in the afterglow, chest heaving and sweat and more sticking to your skin. Your body is on pins and needles, and laying on top of the soft bedding, you could fall asleep right then and there. Nestled into a pile of feathers and gold, you could die- again- and be happy with it.Ā
But then the man- the first man- groans and you remember that this isn't the time to play house. You have a job. Or rather, you had one, and now you have to return. You lift yourself up into a sitting position, and you stare at the bathroom. A part of you wants to take a shower, but you fear that if you even just tasted what luxury is, youād have to be pried out of the embassy.Ā
With a sigh, you lift yourself off of the body and gather your clothes. The lack of underwear is something that you frown upon, but when you look back to the angel, with the demand for its return, you canāt bring yourself to ask for it. Youāve walked around without it before when customers got handsy, this is nothing. Your skirt is tight, and long enough that only a pervert would tell.Ā
āSo,ā he trails off, lying on his back, ādo you wanna cuddle or something?ā
Your eyes widen, and as you flatten your skirt, you thin your lips. āUh, no. No thanks, Adam. Iām uh- Iām good.ā You straighten your top, and tap your heels against the floor, the sharp click echoes in the chambers.Ā
āWhatever,ā he huffs, āI was just gonna psych you out anyways.ā He waves his hand, and cool air rushes around you.Ā
You let out a sigh, looking at the mirror where you stared at yourself just a bit ago. Your hands play with your hair, making sure that when you leave, it wonāt look like you just slept with someone. You hum, and tilt your head from side to side, trying to find some sort of mark that would have to be hidden. However, the cool air- his own magic or blessing- has fixed any evidence of indecency on you.
āThe extermination is next month,ā Adam sighs. Your eyes flick up, and you catch him staring at you- golden eyes piercing into your own, unblinking and unbothered.Ā
āIām aware,ā you tell him, returning to look at yourself in the mirror. You stand straight and let out a sharp sigh. āI think some of the residents are already panicking.ā
āAre you?ā
Your stomach knots itself, and you remember when you were first bought by Adam- the nervousness, the disgust, the bile burning your throat. Itās all too familiar at this moment. You shrug. āI donāt think itās set in yet,ā you mumble.Ā
āIāll come by the night before.ā You look at the white tiles- the grout filled with shimmering gold, and the tiles patterned with silver and gold lines. āIāll leave the back door unlocked like last time.ā He doesnāt say the words nicely, itās more like an afterthought, as if telling you this is a bother, but still, he tells you this, and one thing you've learned about Adam is that he hasn't lied to you yet. You fist the hem of your skirt in your hands, and nod. Itās silent, and then he starts again, annoyance laced into his words. āWhat do we say?ā
āThank you, Adam,ā you tell him in a beat.Ā
āYeah, well, I can't have my favorite whore die.ā His wings unfurl and stretch across the bed. The tips of the feathers reach just beyond the mattress, and you shrug. The words hang heavy in the air, and you feel small compared to him. In the mirror, you can see his reflection, hisĀ mouth thinning, and his eyes narrowing. āI- uh- I still have you for ten more minutes.ā You make eye contact with him in the mirror. āGet back here. I wanna suck on your tits.ā
You stick your tongue out, and your hips sway as you walk towards him, your heels falling carelessly to the floor as you rest beside him. His hands are cold as they peel off your shirt and without a care, he tosses it to the foot of the grand bed. A hand cups at your breast, and you can feel his breath fan over your chest, and you wait to feel his teeth bite at you, but you never do. The wetness of his lips trace over the swell of your breast, a peck pressed against the bud, but never swallowing it. Your chest is heavy with his weight on top of you, and the hand on your breast unfurls and curves over your ribs. His wings expand, and they partially cover you, the softness of them akin to the finest blanket in what only money can buy.Ā
Realization as what heās doing has your body heating, and you worry that he can tell with the way that heās laid bare on your chest, and yet, he makes no snide comments. This is far more intimate than anything youāve ever done before. With a harsh swallow, your arm wraps around him, your hand reaching upwards to scratch at the back of his head. Your hands knot into his hair, your nails dully scratching along his scalp. He lets out a low hum in response, nuzzling his cheek over your bare skin in approval.Ā
With a shaky breath, you break the silence. āYou know, I was thinking, that maybe Iād uh, give that Hazbin Hotel a shot.ā You feel his hands scratch over your ribs, straight, and piercing, and they cling to you as his breath hitches. āIām not sure I believe in the whole redemption thing, but free housing is nice.ā You feel him nod slowly, and you twirl a piece of his hair around your finger. He gives you a short answer, one that is mumbled into your skin and doesn't make its way to you, and his wings inch further up covering more of your body as he brushes his lips against the swell of your breast. You donāt look at the time even when you feel that heās grown heavier on your body.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin adam#hazbin adam x reader#adam x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel adam#i uh#something something he's pretty and awful#i just really wanted to write the last part#but i needed sustenance#i needed food#i had to write them getting there#i think he'd get a soft spot#like he'd like just a few people but would have trouble connecting to them#but i also think he would pay money to like get with a sinner#something about his ego and stuff#how he knows that hes better#but hes still depraved because he keeps going back to one specific demon#please let him return as a demon#i need it#i need him
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NEXT THING YOU KNOW, gator tillman
summary: in which gator tillman and his arranged bride figure out life and each other and what a real relationship means to them.
warnings: mentions and depictions of abuse, mentions of bruises, arranged marriages, romance, humor, dead parents, slow burn relationship (not completely but not not), basically we know the tillman men are asswipes so i 100% see Roy forcing gator into this kind of situation for money for his militia, eventual smut with kinks such as thigh riding, gun play, choking, spanking, lots of marking and possible spit play.
comment on this post to be added to the taglist for future parts!
The smell of cigar smoke hung thick in the air, the lighting dim in the dark office. You sat stiffly in a large leather chair, and across from you on the other side of the massive oak desk sat your step father, Boyd Augastine. He was a mean old man, and you had hoped in your time away at boarding school that he had graciously paid for, that he would have calmed down. That hope seemed to be more wishful than anything though, in fact, you thought he seemed meaner than the last time you had seen him at Christmas dinner.
āBoyd, please!ā You begged, trying to fight back tears. You hated being home, if you could even call this massive estate that, it made you tense and irate, scared. You shake your head at the man in front of you, trying to remain as polite as you could lest you reap the repercussions. āYou canāt make me marry that boy!ā You say, tone as even as you could keep it. āIs this even legal?!ā
He had at least let you finish speaking. āI can, and you will.ā He sniffs, not even bothering to look up at you as he shuffled through some papers sitting in front of him. You assumed they were the documents pertaining to the horrid news you had just been given. āThe Tillman boy is a fine young man, heās strong and not entirely stupid, and his family is almost as powerful as me. You will marry him, and you will produce a male heir to take over both families when the time comes.ā He says, finality in his tone and a hint of annoyance that you knew meant that the conversation needed to end before you wound up being hurt. āLord knows iām not about to leave my fortune to some half-witted emotional broads. You may not be my blood, but you are legally an Augastine, you will do your part.ā You wince. āUnless of course, youād rather one of the girls marry him when they come of age?ā
You purse your lips, trying desperately to bite your tongue. He always knew exactly what to say to get you to do whatever he wanted, and you hated that you had no backbone sometimes. What were you supposed to do though? Your half sisters werenāt even in high school yet, they were mere babies still..they deserved to find their own happiness in life, with someone they actually loved..if you had to marry this boy for a few years and pop out a kid or two for them to be able to live their lives, just to satiate their father, then you would gladly do it. They didnāt need to take your place. Besides, it's not like divorce wasnāt a common thing amongst young married couples anyway.
He knows your answer before youāve even opened your mouth to speak it and tosses his expensive fountain tipped pen across the desk. It lands with a thud and you pick it up with a trembling hand as he slides the documents towards you as well. āYour mother would be proud.ā He says cooly, watching you scrawl your name across every highlighted area that needs signing. You wondered what the Tillmanās were receiving in return for this, they were already fairly well off from what you understood. Pretty much every man in their lineage had been sheriff of the godforsaken county, law ran in their blood, and it paid well too. But who's to say that they werenāt being paid handsomely for this?
You felt as if you had just signed away your soul.
You toss the pen back to him, and give him his stupid papers back before standing and turning on your heel. You didnāt care if you hadnāt been dismissed, you were done. You needed to be alone, you needed to cry. You stride across his large office, and just as your hand touches the brass knob of the heavy door, his voice rings out.
āYouāre to be married in two months' time, wedding planning begins tomorrow.ā You clench the knob, fighting back the tears. He didnāt deserve to see you cry. āSleep well, Pearlie.ā You swore on your mamaās gravestone that the nickname she had given you dripped with venom when it came from his mouth. Sometimes you wished you could drip actual venom into his mouth, shut him up forever. It was a soothing thought when you were younger, before he had shipped you off to boarding school.
You make your way down the long carpeted hallway to the large wooden staircase, climbing them as quickly as you could. You could hear your sisters, Victoria and Lucy in their room giggling about something that had happened at school, and you smiled as you pressed your ear to the door. You had worried the whole time your mother was pregnant that the girls would be treated just as horribly as you were when your mother wasnāt around, that they would have to hide bruises and emotions and pretend that everything was okay just like you did, but they were his own flesh and blood, his own life force, he could never act such a way towards his own blood. But they werenāt boys, so they also werenāt good enough to take over his fucking business.
You head a little farther down the hall, closing and locking your own door behind you as you slipped into your room, the only place that occasionally felt safe to you when you were here. āI wish you were here, mama.ā You whisper to the photo sitting on the dressing table right next to the door.
True to his word, the wedding planning started the next day. You were awoken by your sistersā nanny early in the morning, her knocking at your bedroom door loud to your pounding head. You had spent the night crying and you were paying for it dearly.
āMiss Pearl,ā Her ever pleasant voice calls through the thick wood as you sit up in bed. āBoyd is requesting you downstairs, your betrothed and his father have arrived..ā You glance at the clock. It was seven-thirty in the morning. You were used to waking up around this time for school anyway, you had only been home twenty-four hours by this point. āHeās not too pleased this morning,ā Her hushed voice comes next and you sigh, leaning your head back into your pillow.
āThank you, Lorraine,ā You say loud enough for her to hear, your thick comforter falling off of you as you sit up. āTell them I'll be down soon, please..ā She doesnāt respond but you hear her footsteps fade away from your door.
You stretch before swinging your legs over the side of your bed, rolling your head from side to side. You knew it was in your best interest to play along with Boydās scheme, and he would know if you were half assing or catching an attitude the moment you walked into the room. If you were going to do this, then dammit, you were going to do this right.
Within fifteen minutes you were dressed in a sleeveless white dress that flowed down to your feet, the top of it pushing your breasts up in the illusion of a push-up bra. You had purposely bought this one a size or so too small for that effect while you were still at school, wanting to impress one of the guys you had been previously dating before graduation. You left your hair down to fall around your shoulders, brushing it and using one of your favorite hair serums to run through it with your fingers, leaving a nice smell before you slid on a glossy lip oil and mascara, with a spritz of your favorite perfume to your wrists.
With one last look at the photo of your mom, silently wishing she were here with you to help you through this, you open your door and make your way barefoot down the hallway and stairs.
You hear their voices when you come off the stairs in the middle of the grand hallway on the first floor, floating out of the massive dining room that was hardly ever used. You donāt pause, afraid that if you did it would be all you would need to turn tail and hide in your bedroom forever, and head immediately for the doorway, waltzing in as if you werenāt interrupting their apparently humorous conversation.
You paint a smile on your face as Boyd narrows his eyes at you, a look that you knew meant he wasnāt at all happy with you and you were certainly going to hear about it later. āSorry to keep you waiting, sir,ā You say, kissing his cheek to keep up the appearance of a loving father and daughter relationship, something you had been doing since you were ten. He couldnāt have the world knowing that he despised his late wifeās daughter, could he? You squeeze his shoulder. āThe drive up from school must have exhausted me more than i realized, i didnāt mean to sleep in and miss greeting our guests.ā You shoot them an award winning smile as well as you smooth out your skirt, taking your seat next to Boyd, but across from the Sheriff and who you assumed was his son.
Boyd hums and you just know that heās boiling with rage at you, though in your defense, he hadnāt informed you that there would be a breakfast this morning. āYou havenāt missed much, we were just talking about your horse actually, and your award from Eventing last season.ā Just the topic brought another smile onto your face, a real one this time.
āThat was a close one too, we were neck and neck with our second place competitor..ā You had spent the majority of the time after the event wondering if Boyd had paid off the judges to put you in first, though you did know that you had put in a lot of training hours with Bubbles, and it had clearly shown. Besides, Boyd didnāt like you nearly enough to pay off the judges just to see you place first in any sport, let alone Equestrian Eventing.
The older man sitting across from you, the Sheriff, smiles what appears to be a genuine smile at you. āYou love your horses, I can tell from the way your whole face just lit up like the sun had touched it..ā You canāt help the blush on your face, and judging by the look on his sons face as he looked at you, you had just done something right without even knowing it. āYou and I already have something in common with each other, perhaps iāll make time to take a ride with you this weekend..ā His sons face completely changed at the mention, you would say it resembled a sort of panic.
āI would love that!ā You exclaim, more than pleased to spend any kind of time on your horse, even if it was with your soon to be father in law. He nods at you in return, and nudges his son, as if communicating with him.
Breakfast is served not too much longer after that, and the time is spent with your step father and the Sheriff talking about things you couldnāt even have pretended to care about in that moment, like golf or what the government was doing, while you and the boy across from you shared a couple of glances, staying silent unless spoken to.
You had to admit, he wasnāt terrible on the eyes. He wore a black polo shirt underneath of what you could only assume was a bullet proof vest with a velcro patch that said Sheriff across the chest. His hair was slicked back away from his face, and you noticed a tattoo peaking out of one of the short sleeves stretched across his bicep. Oh, he was certainly handsome, but probably not the type to ever be happy with a girl like you..nor did you think you could be happy with him.
You were obviously younger than him at only eighteen (your birthday thankfully just before your wedding date), you had just graduated highschool. You had no job, and your only future now lay with the man in front of you. He didnāt speak too much, and you couldnāt tell if it was because he was a naturally quiet person, or if it was because his father and Boyd were obviously the alphas in the room and from what you could gather, werenāt to be bothered until they bothered you first. You didnāt mind that he was older than you, though you guessed he was at least mid twenties if he was already a cop. You kind of liked the thought of being with someone older than you, the boys you had been with at school were all dipshits and childish. You hoped that he wasnāt the same. And if he was, well, at least he was handsome to look at.
The boy, Gator, looked up at you from across the table. You decided that his eyes were hazel, a beautiful color for a decidedly beautiful man. You give him a shy smile from where you sat, raising a mug of your favorite breakfast tea to your lips. You noticed the way he licks his lips, his eyes darting to your mouth and back to his plate once you had set your cup down on its saucer. Well, you thought, at least heās clearly attracted to me. Maybe our marriage wonāt be completely boring..
You had long ago tuned out the droning voices of your step father and your soon to be father in law, using your fork to pick around at the fruit salad you had served yourself for breakfast, adding a little yogurt to it here and there. You couldnāt bring yourself to fully eat, your stomach uneasy the more you thought about your impending marriage. God, how was arranged marriage even still a thing? How was this even fucking legal? You made a mental note to ask Boyd for copies of all of the documents you had signed so you could take them to a lawyer in town somewhere, have them double check that the documents were in fact legal. If there was anything you could do to get out of this, you were willing to do it.Ā
Youāre jolted from your thoughts by Boydās voice, and you jump, startled. āSorry, i was day dreaming..ā You say, shaking your head with a small giggle, hoping that he hadnāt been trying to get your attention for too long. You can see Sheriff Roy give a small smile from across the table, another nudge to his son.
Boyd gives you a subtle eye roll as he faces you, and you can tell from his body language that heās upset with you for zoning out. You were certain to hear an earful about it tonight and that made you nervous. āRoy and I have some business to attend to in my office,ā He says, giving a pointed glance to the boy sitting across from you guys. āHow about you take Gator on a walk around the grounds? The girls are out getting piano and violin lessons right now, you wonāt be bothered for a while.ā Is he trying to tell me to fuck this boy? You wondered disgustedly, you knew Boyd was..well, Boyd, but really?
You want to say no, you want to tell him to marry the boy himself if it was that important to him, but youāre afraid of what could possibly happen to you if you do, so you paint another smile on your lips and look over to your husband to be. āIāll show you my horse!ā You say, setting your napkin next to your plate as you stand, walking around the table to lead him out into the foyer. āThe barn is a little ways out there,ā You say when you notice him following you out of the dining room. āHope you donāt mind a little walk..ā
He follows you silently through the formal living room and into the kitchen, straight back into the mudroom where you bend over to put your well worn boots on. They were brown, and the leather was starting to wear down on them but you didnāt mind, they still got the job done. They were a gift from your mama and you would wear them until they fell apart, and even then you would probably duct tape them back together again.
Heās gentlemanly enough to hold the back door open for you, and you breathe in his scent as you brush past him. He smells good, his cologne floods your scents. Its a woodsy kind of scent, mixed with a little bit of leather, and something a little fruity that you canāt quite name and you wonder what the hell it is as he falls in step next to you as you both walk off of the porch. His hands are slipped into his pockets as you guys walk, a casual look, and you notice that heās tall too, even in his work boots.
You realize that heās not going to make the first step to conversation.
When youāre a good enough distance away from the house, out of sight of Boydās office, you stop abruptly and turn to face him, the sun beats down on his face even with his baseball cap pulled down over his eyes. He stops too, tilting his face down at you, an eyebrow raised and an amused look on his face. God, you though, he really is handsome.
āCan I help you with somethinā?ā He asks, his drawl washing over you. That was the first time he had spoken and good lord his voice could do things to you if this were any other kind of situation, you just knew it. His shoulders are squared, and you realize that now, alone with you, he is the alpha male. You kind of like the vibe that rolls off of him, but it makes you wonder why he cowered when he was in the same room as your guysā fathers.
You look around, lips pursed and hands on your hips as you thought. āLook,ā You start, meeting his gaze under the brim of his hat. āThe way I see it, neither of us particularly wants to be in this situation.ā He hums in agreement, crossing his arms over his chest as he listens to what you have to say. āNeither of us are happy, but that doesnāt mean that we canāt at least try to be friends..weāre both stuck doing this, and even though i wasnāt given a choice, I would still like to at least be friends with the person iām marrying in two months..ā
He sniffs and looks around for a moment, and for the first time, you see a smile on his face and you couldnāt help but think it was beautiful. āAlright then,ā He says, holding out his hand for you to shake. āLetās be friends.ā
taglist:
@ruth-barnes @justherebecausesafarisucks @daisy-is-a-writer
#gator tillman fanfiction#gator tillman fanfic#gator tillman fic#gator tillman#gator tillman smut#gator tillman x reader#joe keery#fargo season 5
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AITA for making a "Hate Club" for my sister? My sister (13) and I (16) have never been close. She is very loud and energetic whereas I am not. She always has been a bit of a jerk sometimes, but recently she has been unbearable to be around. She has been outright mean to our parents, calling them names, screaming at them, throwing things, and doing so every morning when she gets up for school, and every evening when she has to go to sleep. Because of her "screaming schedule", my already bad sleep schedule has been ruined, and I need multiple naps to make it through my day properly because she wakes us up so early. I talked about this to some of my friends who know her, and we decided to make a group chat called "(Sister's name) Hate Club" where we could vent about how she has affected us personally. Sometimes our vents would devolve into mean comments or theorizing about why she's like this, but we never said any of this to her in person, or to anyone outside of our group of 8. However, one night when my mom (63) and I were coming home from a play we had gone to see, she saw a notification for (Sister's name) Hate Club. I had my phone connected to the car's display to play music, so she saw the notification, clear as day. I lied to her at the time, and told her that it was a group chat for stuff in our scout troop, as I didn't feel like explaining what it was on the way home. I thought that she would be mad at me. After I told her, she didn't talk much for the rest of the night. The next day, she confronted me as I was leaving for a doctor's appointment. She said "I don't know if you can tell, but I'm pretty angry at you right now." When I asked her why, she told me the group chat. She started saying how I was a bully, and how I was acting just like my sister does when she's mad. She wouldn't let me get a word in, so I rolled my eyes and left in the middle of her sentence (which I understand was not a good move, but I was already running late and I was angry now too). When I was done at the doctor's appointment, I decided to text her that it was actually a vent group about my sister to try and explain why the group wasn't actually a hate group. When I got home and into my room, she confronted me and we had a big argument. She kept on saying how I was bullying my sister, and apparently she talked to 2 of my friend's moms, saying "If your child made a hate group about someone, would you be mad?". They both responded with some form of "I'd be livid". One of those people got in trouble with their mom and had to write an apology letter to mine once their mom found out what my mom was talking about. In the argument, I told her that "I need a space to vent" and she said "The venting is not the problem, the name is". When I told her "It's just a joke name, because I obviously don't legitimately hate her", she said I was still bullying her. After that I got very defensive and started swearing (not directly at her, but for word emphasis), and she started saying I was disrespecting her now too. At that point I said I would change the name, because I know she's a hard-head and would rather die than admit that she's wrong in any given situation. I've changed the group chat name twice, and now were acting like nothing ever happened. I've talked to my friends that were in the group, and they've said that I'm NTA, but I'm still not sure if they are right or just biased because I'm their friend and they were hearing everything from my perspective. So AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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I'd Wait For You
Summary: Everything is perfect between you and Suguru. It could not get any better. The universe has a funny way of doing things though. How do you cope once Suguru gets taken away from you? Will Suguru be able to move onto the afterlife, or will he stay by your side? A/N: I wanted to try my hand at writing angst. Haven't done it too much. Please ignore the inaccuracies of the medicine, it won't be perfect. Comments always appreciated!
CW: SFW, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death (not reader), Grief/Mourning, Afterlife, Depression, Medical, Car Accidents, Sad, Fucked up but honestly not too bad
W/C: 6,584
Suguru hadnāt known love until he first met you.Ā
Everything that led up to you was somehow minuscule compared to the emotions that coursed through his veins whenever he saw you. He wasnāt aware of how fast a heart could beat, how his lungs could falter from merely being in the presence of another person. He wasnāt even quite sure what heād done to achieve someone like you. We were made for each other, you always told him. In his opinion, he believed he was made for you. Crafted and designed to love you. Not because you needed to have someone like him, but because he needed someone like you. Someone to care for and love.
It was your birthday, and just like he had done every year before this, Suguru was planning on making your dinner. He liked doing it, it made him feel like he was doing something right. It was the least he could do for you, after everything youāve done for him. He thinks you donāt even know the half of it.Ā
āShit.ā Suguru murmurs under his breath as he searches the freezer. He could have sworn he bought the meat for tonight, but it was nowhere to be found.Ā
āDid you find it yet?ā He hears your voice call from the couch.Ā
He doesnāt really have the heart to tell you that no, he hadnāt found it. His lip twitches as he pushes aside all the useless ingredients, looking in places he had already checked three times over.Ā
Suguru is so focused on the fridge in front of him that he doesnāt even hear your feet padding into the kitchen.Ā
Tender hands wrap around him from behind, yanking him from his despair. When he looks over his shoulder he sees you behind him, peeking over with curious eyes.Ā
āI'm sorry baby.ā He speaks quietly, turning around to the fridge again.Ā
He shuts the freezer and faces you, taking you into his arms. Itās nice like this, having you pushed up against him. It makes him feel like heās protecting you.Ā
āWhatāre you sorry for?ā You ask.Ā
You reach your hands up and place a palm on either side of his face. Your mouth drops open as you hold him.Ā
āSuguru, youāre freezing.ā You scold. āHow long were you looking in there?āĀ
He hadnāt realized how cold he was until your warm fingers pressed into his cheek. He nuzzles against you and allows his lids to flutter closed, indulging in the warmth you provide.Ā
āOnly a little bit.ā He says. He would rather die than tell you heās been here for ten minutes.Ā
āNo luck though, huh?ā You donāt seem sad when you ask this, and Suguru canāt figure out why.Ā
He feels like he ruined your birthday.Ā
āUnfortunately no, but Iām gonna go head down to the store to pick it up. I shouldnāt be gone long.āĀ
āI donāt want you to go, though!āĀ
You have an exaggerated frown playing on your lips as you tug his arm.Ā
āBaby, you need food. I promise itāll be-āĀ
āWhy donāt we go out to eat?ā You propose.Ā
Heās looking at you with raised brows, watching partly in amusement. It wasnāt an awful idea, but he much rather preferred to cook for you himself. It was like a gift that way, although he bought you plenty of those too. He nearly felt giddy at the idea of how you would react to each present, all hiding in various places around the house. You always told him he didn't have to get you anything, so he had to get creative in his hiding spots.
āWhat, you hate my cooking?ā He jokes, pulling back to straighten your clothes.Ā
At first you would snap at him when he mindlessly groomed you like this, but you had gotten used to it. It was just another avenue for him to show his love, fixing your attire like a mother would.
āUgh, itās the worst!ā You joke back.Ā
Both of you were well aware of how much you loved his cooking.Ā
āA shame.ā He murmurs.Ā
āWe never go out, itās been ages since weāve gone somewhere nice. Donāt you think it would be fun? That way, you wouldnāt have to slave over the stove for me.āĀ
āBut what if I want to slave over the stove for you?āĀ
āThere will always be another time.ā You squeeze his arm.Ā
Youāre right. He can always do it for you for your next birthday.Ā
āIf you say so.ā Suguru presses his lips against yours.Ā
~~~
Itās a chilly night, the black sky above you providing no heat as you head out of the restaurant. Youāre cradling your stomach as if you were 8 months pregnant, while one of your arms is wrapped around his. Youāre chattering his ears off, but Suguru doesnāt mind. The night felt perfect, he wasnāt sure how it could get any better.Ā
The two of you are making your way to your parked car, not in a rush. You have all the time in the world. Youāre strumming his hand as you talk, only letting go when he pulls your door open for you.
Suguru crosses the car and slides into the driver's seat, not backing out until your seat belt is on. The drive is calming, your windows rolled down to let in the night air as you quietly sing along to the radio.
āWas it a good birthday?ā Suguru asks, tossing a look your way before focusing on the road.Ā
āIt was perfect.ā You promise, your eyes twinkling.
Suguru starts to think about which gift he wants you to open first.
āHey Suguru?ā You ask.
āYeah?ā Suguru looks up from the wheel to see your face.Ā
Your brows are furrowed together as you look forward. Something wasnāt right.
āWhat is that guy doing?ā You speak quietly.
Suguru turns his head forward, his foot on the brake as the car sits at a red light. Thereās another car in front of you, driving towards you. He isnāt slowing down for the light, and Suguru can feel his pulse pick up.Ā
āI donāt-ā Suguru starts.Ā
The driver presses on the gas even harder, his car jerking, now hurdling in your direction. Suguru only has half a second to throw his arm across your front, shoulder covering part of your body.
ā¦
Love makes you do crazy things.Ā
Love can make you feel unstoppable.Ā
Love can make you cover your partner in a car accident without a second thought.Ā
The movies never get it right, Suguru thinks. People always talk about the pain, how much it hurts. But Suguru doesnāt feel pain. He doesnāt feel anything. He wishes it was more accurate, that way he could have been prepared.Ā
It was loud, so loud.Ā
Metal on metal, tires screeching. It also smelled. Gas, fire, and burning something. Was it plastic? He had never smelled something so atrocious. Suguru turns his head to locate you and sees you motionless, your beautiful lids fluttered shut. Is that blood? Somethingās reflecting on your forehead and he hopes to god itās not blood.Ā
He attempts to say your name, but nothing comes out. Itās as if his voice box has been completely removed, leaving a gaping hole in his throat. His fingers twitch as he tries to move to help you.Ā
Move, move.Ā
Heās begging his useless body to do something, anything. Itās never cooperated with him, lest of all when he needs it most.Ā
Suguru thinks he hears yelling. Was that a woman? Itās a voice heās never heard before, and sheās saying something he canāt quite decipher. His head is spinning as he tries to focus on the voice, but it isn't easy. It's all becoming overwhelming, each of his senses being amplified. The sight and sound alone was enough to leave him breathless.
Red lights.Ā
Cops.Ā
No, not cops.Ā
An ambulance.Ā
He hopes itās an ambulance. You really needed one.
Suguru tries to focus as he strains his ears to listen for your breathing. He could feel his eyelids get heavier and heavier, his sheer willpower being the only thing keeping him awake. Thereās more tires screeching and the ambulance has arrived, heavy footfalls running to your car.Ā
Good.
Good.
Help is here.
It would all be alright.Ā
Everything would be fine.
~~~
When his eyes open, he sees white. He must have been in a hospital, the clinical setting surrounding him. No one was in his room. Not even you. You were in worse shape from what he remembers, so he understands.Ā
He isnāt in as much pain as he wouldāve expected from being in a car accident, but heās glad. Suguru looks down and wiggles his fingers, then his toes. Good. He isnāt missing anything. He knows you wouldāve taken care of him if he was missing something, but he would rather soon die than make you do something like that.Ā
Suguru sits up and notices he isnāt attached to any monitors, which is odd. He figures he probably didnāt need them though, so he quickly pushes the thought aside. He might as well look for you since he was able. You could have been really hurt, and he wouldnāt have been able to rest until he learned where you were.Ā
The hospitals halls are a scary place, even for Suguru. He knows many great things happen in hospitals, but thereās also a lot of tragedy too. He tries not to think about all the death as he walks down the halls. There are nurses and doctors pushing past him, paying him no mind. They were busy. He could see it in their droopy eyes as they locate room numbers and run to codings.Ā
He finds the nurses station and speaks up, finding two women sitting at the desks.Ā
āExcuse me?ā He says.Ā
Nothing.Ā
Weird.Ā
āUh, Iām looking for someone.āĀ
Suguru says your name, but neither of them turn to him.Ā
Okay, maybe they were too engrossed in their conversation.Ā
His eyes flick down where he sees a chart, and at the very top of the list was your name. Room A93. That wasnāt too far from here.Ā
He spares them one last glance before turning around to locate your room. His heart flutters (not in the good way) when he gets closer to the door. Could he handle seeing you hooked up to a million monitors? Could he handle seeing other people take care of you? Suguru pushes through it. He needs to see you. He comes to a stop outside your room and hears voices coming from inside, talking to you.Ā
āAnd where is Suguru?ā He picks up on your voice, the sound instantly warming his heart.Ā
āHeāsā¦ not in good shape.āĀ
He wasnāt?Ā
He felt great.Ā
Suguru pokes his head around the door and finds a tall woman with tanned skin and long dark hair. She must be the doctor.Ā
āWhat do you mean?ā You ask.
The doctor straightens, tired eyes looking up at you.Ā
āHe was intubated, he lost a lot of blood and sustained a head injury. My team had to put him in a medically induced coma. I actually was coming here to talk to you about whether or not he wanted to be on life support.āĀ
What?Ā
āI'm sorry, what are you talking about?ā Your body is turned towards her, anticipation leaking from your pores.
āYouāre married, arenāt you? I trust that the two of you have gone over it?āĀ
You haven't looked his way, not even once.Ā
āLet me see him.ā Youāre sitting up, wobbling as your frail body attempts to hold you up.Ā
You donāt see him right now?Ā
āI'm not sure thatās a good idea.ā The doctor comments, her voice heavy as if she knows something you donāt.Ā
āPlease.āĀ
The doctor softly sighs and dips her head once, acknowledging your desperation. She relents, aiding you in getting up. You canāt do it on the first try, your face wincing in pain as you ease yourself off the bed. The doctor is patient as she helps you, because of course she is.
Suguru follows you to his room, throat dry as he stares at the IV stand in your hands. What was happening?Ā
āSuguru?ā His heart shatters at the way your voice cracks.Ā
He turns the door and comes to a halt behind you, looking over your shoulder. He was looking at himself. His motionless body was laying in the hospital bed, looking more helpless than he had ever felt in his whole life.Ā
āWhat happened?ā You ask, your eyes never leaving his bed.
āThere was an accident. I was told that he took the brunt of the crash to cover you. Heās notā¦ā The doctor looks anxiously between you and him. āI donāt think heās going to make it.āĀ
The room is quiet, eerily so as you process the news the doctor gave you. Thereās a steady beeping sound coming from behind his body, the only sign of life. By all accounts, he looked dead. Suguru flicks his eyes up and notices a brain monitor attached to him, but the line was flat. How was that possible? Was he in some space between life and death right now?Ā
You rip the IV from your arm and run up to the bed, collapsing beside his body. Suguru can see blood begin to pool from your forearm, dark red trickling down your wrist as you force yourself against his bed.
āSuguru! Wake up!ā Youāre shaking his body, voice trembling and loud as tears begin to fall from your eyes.Ā
He doesnāt wake up. His useless body doesnāt even flinch.
āYou asshole! Wake up!ā Youāre in hysterics as you shake him, and Suguru feels himself choke on a tear.Ā
āWe need to discuss-ā The doctor starts.
āDonāt do this to me! You gotta wake up!āĀ
Suguru is beside you now, standing above your crumbled form. Youāve never looked so small before. Your tears are staining the sheets beside his body as you hold his hand, your other arm clawing at his chest. Suguru canāt tell which hurts more, watching himself or looking at you.Ā
He needs to comfort you.Ā
He needs to make you smile.Ā
But he canāt. He canāt do anything. Suguru is forced to stand by your side as you cry until you lose your voice, until all of your words blur together and no one can understand what youāre saying.Ā
The doctor stays with you the entire time, remaining quiet as you sob. She wanted to comfort you, but she also needed an answer. And the truth of the matter was, Suguru never wanted to be on life support. It was a discussion you had early on in your marriage. He didn't want to be a burden. You respected his decision at the time, never in a million years thinking you would have to uphold his choice.
~~~
Itās raining the day they pull the plug on Suguru. He always did like the rain. It made for perfect nights in with a warm drink and his favorite book. Obviously with you by his side. Thatās not what heās thinking about when he sees the sky the day he dies. All he can think about is how your tears match the droplets, how god must be crying for you. He hated it. You said it was fitting. It was one of the only things you said on that day.
Suguru watches as his body gets whisked away, he told himself he couldnāt watch the embalming process, but when it happens he canāt look away. It felt unreal. His body was cold to the touch, pale as it lay on the metal table. He didn't look real. He watches with curious eyes as they pump him full of fluids in an attempt to immortalize his youth and beauty. He overhears the morticians talking. Not even thirty years old, they mumble. All Suguru can think about is how you werenāt even thirty. The word āwidowā was meant for older people whose partners died in natural circumstances, not for someone like yourself. Plump cheeks and a full life ahead of you.
Itās sunny when his funeral is held. Heās glad for that, he dreaded the idea of you waiting out in the cold. You sit in the front with Satoru. Suguru expected you to be a wreck, you were at the hospital after all. But you arenāt. You sit quietly as each person speaks, your chin tucked into your chest. Your eyes are glassy as you listen. You were checked out. He wanted to take a peek into your brain to see what memory you were reliving. Was it the time you both vacationed in the Bahamas? Or was it when you talked for hours about your favorite book? Those were his favorite memories, but he didn't know yours. He never thought to ask before. Now he wouldnāt have the chance to.
You refuse to let anyone help you make it home, Iām fine you said. You werenāt fine. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that. All the people surrounding you tried to offer words of comfort, promises to help falling from their lips. You wave them off as you set off down the sidewalk towards your apartment. You hadnāt been in a car since the incident.
The second you close your front door you collapse onto your floor, your knees hitting the ground with a hard thud. You let out the most ear piercing wail. Suguru didnāt know people were capable of making noises like that. He didnāt have a body anymore, but he swore he felt chills creep over his skin.Ā
You keep screaming, and screaming, and screaming. Suguru hears a loud pounding and turns his head to the door. Someone was here. The pounding resumes and he hears his best friend call out, trying to get your attention. You arenāt listening. You donāt care about anything outside these four walls.Ā
Satoru twists the knob hoping by some miracle it would unlock. Unfortunately, you had the foresight to lock the door before falling to pieces. Satoru relents in using the knob and tries bumping the door with his shoulder. It takes him a couple of tries before it splinters open. He's out of breath as he looks down at your figure. Your crumpled figure.Ā
Leave it to Satoru to follow you to ensure you got home safely. Suguru tells himself to repay Satoru, buy him that soda he likes, but then he remembers. He will never be able to repay him for anything again.Ā
He hopes a token of his gratitude is enough.Ā
You donāt register that Satoru is even there until heās kneeling beside you, holding your body close to his. You thrash a bit, shoving him back but he doesnāt budge. Satoru takes it all, even though it hurts.Ā
āHey, hey, Iām here.ā He murmurs quietly to you.Ā
āHe's gone! He's gone!ā Youāre heaving into the air, letting him rock you back and forth.Ā
āI know. I know.āĀ
āHe's never coming back, Satoru!āĀ
You breathe in deeply, your chest sore from the meltdown.Ā
āBring him back! Please, please Satoru!āĀ
Satoru grits his jaw as he holds you tight. It must be hard. Suguru mourns the loss of himself through you. He can feel the pain youāre in, it feels like a forest fire as it claws into him.Ā
Youāre scratching at Satoru, as if you could dig your way back to Suguru.
Suguru has never felt so helpless before. How do you help someone when theyāre mourning the loss of the love of their life? How do you console them when they will never see them again? How could he make you feel better?Ā
He canāt do anything. He's an outsider in his own home, watching the people who were closest to him.
Satoru grips you as you sob, occasionally rocking your frame back and forth. He doesnāt say anything. There really isn't anything to say. The living room quiets down as your screaming becomes sniffling. Suguru doesnāt know how much time has passed. Satoru refuses to let go until he feels your breathing slow down, your body going limp in his hold.Ā
Satoru never leaves. He just sets you on your bed before making his way to the couch. He looks just as fucked up as you do. Suguru doesnāt think heās ever seen his friend in such a bad state before. Eyes that had previously been so bright were now dull, his lips tugged down into a deep frown. Satoru slides onto the couch, his eyes shutting the second he makes contact.Ā
Suguru takes turns watching the two of you sleep. It breaks his heart. Never again will he feel the warmth of your sleeping figure beside him. Never again will he wake up before you to start your breakfast.Ā
Things are awkward between you and Satoru in the morning. Neither of you know how to approach the subject.Ā
Satoru is the first to talk. He always was the talker.Ā
āGood morning.āĀ
Your eyes flick to him, almost as if you were expecting him to stay the night. Satoru looks uncomfortable, which is a first.Ā
āI uh, I'm gonna pick up breakfast. Do you want anything?ā He goes on.
A moment passes before you speak. When your voice comes out it's brittle, harsh in a way Suguru has never heard before.Ā
āI'm fine.āĀ
The hours of screaming must have caught up to you.Ā
āYeah, alright.ā
Satoru is scratching the back of his neck, a tell that Suguru learned years ago. He has something to say, but doesnāt know how to say it.Ā
āI really think you should eat something.ā
āSatoru.āĀ
Satoru steps back as if the tone of your voice wounded him.Ā
āOkay. Iāll back off. Iāll bring back something for you to drink at least.āĀ
Satoru doesnāt ask so you donāt have the chance to deny him. You watch as he exits your apartment, your gaze fixed on your broken door.
Satoru calls repairmen to handle the door while heās out. It doesnāt take them long at all to fix the damage he dulled out the prior night.Ā
When Satoru comes back he has two drinks and two bags in his hands. He bought something for you to eat in the end. Satoru rings the doorbell and waits for you.Ā
You never come.Ā
He knows youāre home, because where else would you be?Ā
He stands there for thirty minutes before he takes the hint that you donāt want to be seen.Ā
Suguru wishes he could curl up in on himself at the sight of his best friend looking so dejected as he leaves. Satoru was making an effort. Suguru doesnāt blame you though. He never could. If he was in your position, Suguru wouldnāt stop until the whole world around him was burned to the ground, he wouldnāt stop until there was nothing left.
Satoru comes back hours later to drop off dinner and notices that the bag of breakfast he left for you is still in the same place. You hadnāt touched it. He leaves dinner for you as well, hoping by some chance that youāll actually eat something.
~~~
Satoru stands at your door, a bag in his hands as he tries to keep up a smile. Suguru can tell itās a hard task, heās always been able to look right through his best friend.Ā
It had been two weeks since the funeral, and Satoru has stopped by every single day.
Satoru says your name again, rocking back on his heels. Heās been here for two hours. Suguru knows because heās seen him check his phone five times. One of your neighbors comes out and greets Satoru, smiling once he gives her attention. The two had been acquainted because he had visited so often. Satoru didnāt mean to seduce the older woman, but it just came with the territory of being a beautiful man.Ā
āHey Ms. Nakamoto!ā
āHello sweetie.āĀ
āI brought you something.ā Satoru searches the bag heās holding and produces a wrapped piece of chocolate.Ā
Suguru knows Satoru didnāt bring it for her, but that he couldn't bear the thought of not giving her something.
āYouāre so kind, Satoru.ā Ms. Nakamoto squeezes Satoruās shoulder before walking off, popping the chocolate in her mouth.Ā
Satoru watches her leave with a smile plastered on his face. It feels genuine in the same way a waitress's smile is genuine when sheās working.
āAre you gonna let me in?ā Satoru calls, resting his shoulder against the door.
Youāre standing on the other side of the door, staring into the wood as if youād be able to see Satoru if you look hard enough.Ā
Suguru doesnāt understand why would donāt want to see Satoru.Ā
He wonders if itās because Satoru reminds you of him. Suguru would understand, the two have always been inseparable. It was never that way for you, though. You never saw Satoru and thought of Suguru in the past. It was one of the many things he liked about you. He felt like he could be his own person around you. He wonders if the lines are blurred now that he was gone.
āI know youāre there.ā Satoru says, leaning against his forearm.Ā
āWhy wonāt you let me in?ā He waits for a moment until you respond.Ā
āI donāt want to.āĀ
āI brought snacks.āĀ
āI donāt care.āĀ
Suguruās heart breaks. You look like a mess, your hair was piled on top of your head and you were wearing the same clothes you had been wearing yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. It was one of Suguruās shirts, the clothing wrapped around your body as if it was a cocoon. You had been wearing it for so long that the smell of his cologne was starting to fade away. You cried for four hours the night you realized.
Neither of you talk or move for that matter, intent on waiting it out to see who would break first. You have something on your mind, Suguru can tell youāre holding back.Ā
āWhy did he do it?ā You ask, your voice muffled through the door.Ā
You know Suguru as much as Satoru does, but Suguru supposes thereās a sense of relief from the company.Ā
āYou know why he did it. He loved you.ā Satoru responds, his voice more level than Suguru had ever heard it.Ā
āHe wouldnāt have been able to stand himself if he didnāt save you.ā Satoru finishes.Ā
You and Satoru both turn around and slide your backs against the door till your butts hit the floor.Ā
Youāre separated by a piece of wood, yet it feels like youāre miles away. Even though you felt so far apart, the two of you were the only ones on the planet who understood each other.Ā
āHeās selfish.ā You say, and Suguru thinks you mean to have a bite to it, but it comes off much more heartbroken.Ā
āWhat makes him selfish?āĀ
āHe wouldnāt have been able to live with himself if he let me die, so heās making me live without him instead. Why didnāt he care that it would hurt me?ā You question.
Satoruās silent as he listens. Heās good at that, although he talks a lot. Suguru is glad you have someone to talk to who listens when you need it.
āI think he did care.ā Satoru says, looking at his legs. āHe just loved you too much to stop himself.ā
āIt was my fault, you know.ā You start.Ā
āI was the one who suggested going out.ā
Satoru is silent as he listens and Suguru feels like heās been shot. You were blaming yourself? If Suguru could talk to you, he would reassure you that you had nothing to do with what happened.Ā
āIt wasnāt your fault.ā Satoru says, unsure of how else to comfort you.Ā
Nothing he could say would take the pain away, he was aware of that much.Ā
Suguru is on your side of the door, watching as your lip starts to tremble. You must be sick of being alone. You slowly stand up and reach for the door, opening it much to Satoruās surprise. He nearly falls back before hopping to his feet, facing you.
āDo you want to come in?ā You ask, knowing the answer.
~~~
Ever since the night you let Satoru in, you welcome him in. Suguru thinks it's nice, watching the two of you talk. Heās glad youāre opening up to someone. Itās not good to keep it all in, and Suguru couldnāt stand the idea of you shutting down completely.Ā
In the beginning, Satoru would sit on the furthest end of the couch, but over time he slowly inched closer until the two of you were sitting next to each other. It didn't matter what you talked about. It was always different. Usually it was about Suguru.Ā
āHe waited until the sun set and it was dark out. I didn't really understand why. Anyway, he got on one knee and when I turned around he had the ring out.ā
āIt was because of the people Iām sure. Suguru was a private guy.āĀ
Youāre picking at a loose thread on the couch, quietly listening to Satoru.Ā
āI helped him pick out the ring, you know. He was so indecisive. There were two options we narrowed it down to, he ended up asking all your friends what they thought you would like more.āĀ
Suguru sees your shoulders shake and he thinks for a second youāre crying, but when you lift your head up he sees a tiny grin on your face.Ā
āHeās ridiculous. Wouldāve loved anything he got.āĀ
āI know. He only wanted the best, though.ā
Suguru loves to listen to the two of you talk, but he loves the silence you share just as much. Satoru always used to dread silence. Suguru thinks youāre bringing him down to earth. Itās nice. Suguru didn't think it was possible.Ā
āItās hard. I can't sleep.ā You confess to Satoru late at night.
āWhy is that?ā Satoru asks, but you know he knows the answer.Ā
āItās impossible without him.āĀ
You arenāt aware, but Suguru is there each time you lay down. Sometimes heāll lay beside you, but he rarely does. You always get a chill when he tries, so instead he sits across the room, listening to your breathing. Heās always loved the sound, but he finds he appreciates it more so now.Ā
āIf you ever need company, I could spend the night on the couch again.āĀ
āReally?āĀ
Youāre trying not to sound eager, Suguru can tell. He grins to himself as he watches your face light up.Ā
āI'd just have to bring over spare clothes, but I can.āĀ
People on the outside may think that something was blossoming between you and Satoru, but Suguru knew better. Satoru would never cross that line. At times, Suguru almost wished he would. He wanted you to find happiness again. And truly, who better to give it than Satoru? The two were so alike that Suguru knew you would be happy. But you wouldnāt do that to Satoru. You wouldnāt want him to feel like a placeholder. Suguru doesnāt know how Satoru feels, but he knows how you feel enough to be positive that nothing was starting between you.Ā
Satoru sleeps on your couch that night. Suguru notices itās the first time youāve slept through the entire night in weeks. You donāt wake up even once, not even when Suguru slides into bed beside you.Ā
Suguru keeps his eyes on you the whole night, mesmerized by the features on your face. You were so beautiful. He shouldāve told you more often.Ā
~~~
It was going okay. Suguru thought you were healing. One night you have a terrible nightmare. He watches you in horror as you thrash and scream, wishing he could reach out to touch you.Ā
āHelp! Help!ā
Satoru is in your room moments later, holding your body against his. You twitch in his hold, body shaking in fear. Your eyes flutter open and you have to hold onto Satoru for several moments before you understand where you are.Ā
āIt was just a dream.ā Satoru speaks quietly to you.
Tears are streaming down your cheeks once you understand whatās happening. You have a tight grip on Satoruās arms, as if they could keep you from floating away.Ā
āI was- Suguru, he, we needed,āĀ
āIt was just a dream.ā Satoru says once more.
It wasnāt a dream, not really. It was the accident. The scenes were flashing in your brain, plaguing you with memories. Suguru wishes it was a dream. The worst was already over, only now you were left trying to pick up the pieces.
Satoru sleeps on your floor each night afterward. Always beside the bed, ready in case you have another nightmare. No matter what, he never leaves.Ā
Each time you had a nightmare, Satoru would reach his hand up and squeeze yours, reminding you that the worst part was over. He pretends not to see the scars your fingernails leave in his skin.
~~~
Suguru watches as you experience life. Finding your first gray hair, he was even there when you bought your first new car. They were all things he should have been experiencing with you, if only he was alive.Ā
If you asked Suguru the day he died if he regretted his decision to cover you in the accident, he would say no in an instant. It was the same now, all these years later.Ā
You never move on from him, not really at least. There were men that passed through your life, but you never marry again.Ā
Suguru wanted you to find love again, but you were always more stubborn than he knew what to do with.
And when the time came for you to pass, he was there too. The hospital room didn't feel the same as his did, yours was much more warm and happy. That was what it was supposed to be like when you lived a full life. All of your loved ones gathered around you, crying as they held you. You donāt cry. Youāre ready. Youāve been preparing for it for a while now. You have weathered skin and a full heart. You have smile lines now, and Suguru thinks youāve never looked more perfect.Ā
Suguru stands by the door, watching as everyone says their goodbyes. He feels tears begin to drip from his eyes. He knows it only means he gets to see you sooner, but heās mourning your death just as much as he would if he was alive. He wanted you to continue living. You still had so much to experience, Suguru wanted you to have it all.Ā
The last member of your family leaves the room, but you have one visitor left. The doctor smiles at the visitor before pulling the door closed behind the two of you, giving you privacy.Ā
āThank you, darling.ā Satoru says, smiling at her.Ā
The door shuts and Satoru is hobbling over to you, lowering himself down next to your bed. He's in relatively good condition for someone of his age.Ā
āHello.ā He squeezes your hand, if Suguru looks close enough he can still see the crescent shaped marks caused by your nails on his hands.Ā
Scars proving your love of Suguru on another manās body.Ā
āYouāre here.ā You speak.
āOf course Iām here.āĀ
The room is silent as Satoru takes in your presence. The air is heavy, partly from sadness, but also from the memories and love everyone had left you with. You had lived a long life.Ā
āAre you excited to see him?ā Satoru asks.Ā
You look down and fiddle with your ring, the same ring Suguru had picked out all those years ago.Ā
āI am.āĀ
āWhen you see him tell him I said hi.ā Satoru could say much more than that, maybe even a joke from his childhood, but more than anything he just missed his friend.
āI will, I swear.āĀ
āI canāt believe the two of you are going before me.ā Satoruās messing with you now, Suguru walks closer so he can catch the glint in Satoruās eyes.Ā
āDonāt you worry, your time is coming.ā You chuckle to yourself.Ā
āIs that a threat?ā Satoru leans in close to you, the act intimate in a way that only appears between friends that have endured years of life together.
āMaybe. I think Iām going to haunt you for the rest of your life.ā You tease.
āI hope you do.ā Satoruās tone is heavier as he speaks, a nugget of honesty leaking through.Ā
āThank you for being so good to me Satoru, Iām sorry I wasnāt there for you as much as you were there for me.ā Regret is dripping from your words.
āI know youāre dying, but have you gone senile? You helped me as much as I helped you.ā Satoru looks at you in disbelief.Ā
It was true. You had helped Satoru. It wasnāt in the same way he helped you, but instead you provided him multiple chances to relive his childhood. That was worth more than anything in the world to Satoru.
Satoru rubs his thumb along your hand. He sits with you through the silence. He's there with you as the doctor comes back in, voice soft as she asks you if youāre ready. You are, you have been for a long time. Satoru holds your hand, he doesnāt leave as the doctor turns off all the technology thatās assisting you in staying alive.Ā
Suguru would stay, but he has a date he canāt miss.
When you die, everything is empty around you. Your old body is inching by, walking aimlessly.Ā
āSweetheart.ā A voice like velvet fills your ears.
You whip around, jaw and eyes wide open as you come face to face with the love of your life.Ā
āSuguru!ā You cry.Ā
Suguruās smile is relaxed on his face as he walks up to you, embracing you once more. He could finally touch you. He had been dreaming of this moment for years.Ā
The second his skin hits yours, it's like a ripple effect. Your skin slowly rejuvenates, your body regressing until it resembles what it looked like the night he died. You were young again.Ā
Suguru holds you for what feels like eternity before you pull away. He tries not to frown, reminding himself that he can touch you again whenever he feels like it now.Ā
āI missed you!ā Your lash line is holding on a thin thread, tears welling up, nearly pouring out.Ā
Suguru doesnāt say anything because he doesnāt think he can put into words how much he missed you.Ā
āOh, and Satoru said-ā
āHi, I know. I heard him.ā Suguru reaches a hand up and skims your cheek with his thumb.
He no longer feels cold.
āYou heard him? You were there?ā
āOf course I was. I always was.āĀ
Suguru chuckles to himself at the expression on your face. It's a shock, for sure. You had no reason to believe he stayed with you. Suguru could have moved on at any point in time, but he wouldnāt. Not without you by his side.
āI love you.ā He says it the same way he used to say it, and you finally break down.Ā
Tears stream down your face as you pull him in for a kiss.Ā
āCome on, letās make up for all the lost time.ā Suguru murmurs in your ear, wrapping his arm around yours.
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our beloved summer | jjk (07)
You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isnāt as strong as you thought.
pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, mentions of oc's mother because we know girlie is hella traumatized, mentions of drinking, mentions of an almost physical fight, abandonment issues, jk forgets to practice safe driving for 2 seconds, and uhmmm kissing š¤«, anddd that cliffhanger? š rating: 18+ (minors dni) word count: 10.8k note (1): this is the longest it has taken me to update obs and i do feel pretty guilty about that. but it's finally here now and this is one of the chapters that i'm the most nervous about posting. massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao) for beta-ing this for me or else i would've screamed cried thrown up and scrapped the whole thing, and to @jeonwiixard for being a wonderful cheerleader as i was writing this, and to everyone in my beloved obs discord server for always being so sweet and kind and putting a smile on my smile every day since the server was created. also to my sunshine āļø for introducing me to the song mentioned below bc HELLO is it not just one of the most obs coded songs ever. love you all my babies <3
series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist join our OBS discord server āØ
as always, iād appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ā”
Somewhere in the multiverse There's a me and you that works We never fuck it up We're out there still in love Somewhere in the multiverse Maybe that's enough
multiverse - Maya Manuele ft. PEMRBOKE
Sometimes, whenever you look up at the moon at night, you wonder if Jungkook is doing the same thing.
Even when you fall out of love with someone, it still hurts. It hurts because you once loved them so much it felt like the sky would collapse if you couldnāt be with them. It hurts because the love wasnāt taken from you, but rather it started slipping away on its own, more and more each day until you realize youāre holding onto nothing when there once was everything.
You canāt say that youāre too familiar with that kind of hurt though. Youāve never fallen out of love before.
You donāt think Jungkook is too familiar with it either, at least not when he left you.
You wonder if he thinks about you from time to time and gets sad. You think he does, because you know that he loved you. Something ended for him too. The memories that you shared were his memories too.
You hope that itās painful for him whenever thoughts of you cross his mind, because that would mean that he cares. That a part of him still cares.
And if he still cares, then he might come back.
Despite the front that you try to parade around, there is a part of you that will always leave your heart vacant for him, regardless of whether or not he would return. Itās a scary thought, one that you would rather avoid at all costs, one that says there will be no one that you love more than you loved Jungkook. Maybe there canāt be another person that you will love at all.
You can come back quietly, like the wind slipping through the crack I leave in the window at night; or you can announce your return resoundingly like a sudden downpour quenching the summer heat. I donāt care. I kept your side of the bed empty and warm, waiting for you to come back. Hoping that you would come home.
[08:47] Yoongi: sure you donāt want me to drive you there? [08:48] Yoongi: i can pick you up in 30 [08:52] You: positive š¤§ i told you i already booked the train. itās only 4 hours away [08:53] You: iāll survive, yoongs [08:55] Yoongi: did you not watch Train To Busan? [08:56] You: ? [08:57] Yoongi: what if thereās a zombie apocalypse [09:00] You: yoongi if thereās a zombie apocalypse, how is your CONVERTIBLE supposed to keep me safe [09:01] Yoongi: iāll put the roof up [09:02] You: stop talking [09:02] You: please stop talking. [09:03] Yoongi: š”š”š” [09:03] You: š [09:03] You: gotta get dressed now though. iāll see u when i get back? :) [09:05] Yoongi: fine [09:06] Yoongi: safe travels. text me when you get there :)
You plop onto your bed with a sigh, glancing at the bag thatās already packed and sitting near your wardrobe, lonely. You stay like that for a while, contemplating whether or not you should bail at the very last minute.
It was not on your bingo card that youād be here, agonizing over your ex-boyfriendās brotherās wedding. Nope. Absolutely no one saw it coming.
For fuckās sake, why would they invite you to a wedding? A celebration of love? It feels like youāre being forced onto a prank show, just waiting for someone to jump out and scream in your face.
You learned that the wedding was for close friends and family only, so it would be a relatively small event, which makes it even more confusing why you were also asked to join. Maybe the world is changing too rapidly and youāre just a little old-fashioned for it, but you really donāt understand why your ex-boyfriendās family would want you there.
Taehyung and Jimin were invited too; theyāre Jungkookās best friends after all. Theyāre practically an extension of the family, Jungkookās brothers by choice. But Taehyung doesnāt come back from his work trip until the day of the wedding, and Jiminā¦ Well, he just doesnāt want to go to a Busan wedding in the middle of winter.
So why are you even going?
You couldāve declined. Said you couldnāt attend because the invitation came in so late. Made up a work trip or a family emergency. Thereās a plethora of excuses you couldāve used.
Or you couldāve simply said no. That wouldāve been perfectly fine too. No one would even need to ask why.
But maybe it was because his mother had customized the invite with her own handwriting in the back. You wouldāve missed it if you hadnāt spent hours meticulously studying the card like someone was going to quiz you. It wasnāt anything special - just We hope to see you there - but you think youād feel really bad to decline after sheād made the extra effort to ask you to come.
When you told Yoongi that you would be attending Jungkookās brotherās wedding, he didnāt seem upset. Still cool as a cucumber. Although if he was bothered by the announcement, you donāt think he wouldāve let it show. It did take him a minute to take it in, but then he just pecked your cheek and asked if you could bring a plus-one. You both knew that you wouldnāt even if that was an option.
Pushing your body off the bed, you drag yourself to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then sunscreen. Then change into the clothes youād already picked out last night. Your train doesnāt leave for another hour and fifteen minutes, but you want to be there at least twenty minutes early just in case. This is one of your only good habits.
You rub your eyes when you finally haul yourself outside, thinking you must still be dreaming because what is Jungkookās car doing here?
You blink a few times, expecting the vehicle to disappear in a puff of white smoke.
Spoiler alert: It doesnāt.
The car is in front of you, but the man is nowhere to be found.
You stand there dumbfoundedly, contemplating whether you should wait it out for a little bit to see if heās actually here. He comes running up to you a couple minutes later, holding two paper cups in his hands, one of them a chai latte. A memory youād buried long ago comes rushing to the surface. Itās too early for you to be feeling.
āHi,ā he says, his warm breath coming out in a huff of smoke in the crisp morning air.
āHi?ā you mutter dumbly when he trades the bag in your hand for the drink. Thereās a moment where youāre genuinely baffled, wondering if this is a memory reel playing right before your eyes. This is your Jungkook, wearing that same old smile whenever he used to come bounding up your dorm building so you could walk to the library together, where he would hang out with you during your shift if he didnāt have classes. āWhat are you doing here?ā
You donāt remember telling him what time your train was, so heād probably badgered it out of Taehyung or Jimin somehow.
āI thought I could drive us there,ā he says. āI texted you about it.ā
Well, that explains it. You donāt bother with his dozens of messages anymore. āOh, uhm, I already booked the train.ā
This doesnāt seem to faze him at all. āFree cancellation up to 15 minutes before departure.ā Jungkook grins, clearly eager despite your obvious reluctance. Itās too early for this, whatever the hell this is.
When you told him that you had RSVPād yes to the invitation, he was surprised that you even knew about the wedding. He even seemed nervous that day.
āWhat if Iād already left?ā you ask.
He blinks, then stammers like a confused child. Itās cute, and you have to mentally slap yourself over the head for even thinking that.
āThen Iād go after you.ā
How? you scoff internally. Unrealistic.
Regardless, not even an hour ago, you were declining Yoongiās offer to drive you there. Now, youāre standing here, in front of your ex-boyfriend, contemplating whether or not you should go with him.
āLetās go,ā he says after a minute. āWe donāt wanna be stuck in traffic.ā
āI havenāt said yes.ā Yet. āItās a 4-hour drive.ā
You donāt have to clarify what you mean. He understands it.
You both just stare at each other for a moment, the tension suddenly thickening with every passing second. Four hours on the road. Four hours alone in a car with Jungkook. Thatās about two hundred minutes more than you think you can handle.
Itās like he can see right through you. āDonāt think about it,ā he says, voice dropping lower. āItās just a weekend. Everything will still be here for you to think about when we get back.ā
In your head, it translates to: All of our shit will still be here when we get back. You can keep being mad at me then.
You hope thatās not true. You hope that when you get back, the things that keep you up at night will simply cease to exist. That in the two days youāll be gone, a genie will materialize and solve all your problems for you.
Either way, itās probably for the best that you arenāt mean to him this weekend. Youāre stuck with him for the next 48 hours or so; itāll only stress you out even more if you channel all of your energy into tormenting him. Besides, youāre already the ex girlfriend who has no place alongside his family. You donāt want to be the dark cloud raining on everyoneās parade too.
Maybe youād already made up your mind when you let him take the bag from you.
For the first half of the drive, you were unconscious.
Itās a useless superpower that you have, the ability to fall asleep anywhere - literally anywhere, including in the passenger seat of your ex-boyfriendās car while he escorts you to his hometown. Melatonin gummies manufacturers hate you.
You couldāve slept the whole drive, but around the second hour mark, you were startled awake when your body jostled forward, straining against your seatbelt uncomfortably. There was an arm trying to hold you back, despite the seatbelt having done its job well.
āFuck,ā Jungkook curses before he turns toward you, worry written all over his face. āIām sorry. Iām sorry, are you okay?ā
You blink, still half asleep. āIām okay,ā you say. The minivan that Jungkook almost rear-ended continues on its merry way, carrying what seems to be a family of five. āWhat happened?ā
He sighs, his outstretched arm retreating back to his side. āI got a bit distracted, thatās all.ā
You take in your surroundings then. Thereās barely any other cars in sight, no tacky billboard that sticks out like a sore thumb to catch your attention. Thereās just the freeway, stretching on empty for all you can see.
āBy what?ā you ask.
āNothing,ā he says. āGo back to sleep. Iāll wake you when we get there.ā
See, you have the superpower of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, but once youāve been woken up, itās not as easy to fall back asleep.
That, and the fact that youāre hungry as shit.
You open your mouth, about to say no, about to offer to drive the rest of the way if Jungkook is tired, but your stomach doesnāt let you get a word out. It growls, filling the space of the car, making you want to chuck yourself out the fucking window and run all the way back to the city. This wouldnāt have happened had you taken the train, because if you had, there wouldāve been food services and no one would be subject to hearing your stomach sing like itās chewing out a small puppy in there. Life is nothing but an endless pit of embarrassment and despair.
Your arms hold themselves tighter around your frame, practically squeezing into your abdomen as you will it to please, please, please be quiet. Jungkook stares at you, and you can tell by the teeny tiny quirk of his lips that heās trying to bite back a smile. Heās relaxed, but thereās still something hesitant on his face. It takes him a minute before he finally throws the question out.
āDo you want to go to that guksu place that we used-ā that we used to go to, āyou know the place. The one thatās right off the freeway?ā
The sun is out today. The sky unfolds endlessly just outside the window, coloring blue everything your eyes land on. There are strips of clouds scattered here and there, like delicate strokes of white paint on an azure canvas. Even the winter cold has to soften.You bite into your cheek. Donāt think, thatās what he had told you.
Not much about this quaint restaurant has changed. The quirky decorations are still where they used to be, the windows still the same unique stained glass that you never came across anywhere else. You remember the elderly woman who runs the place, even if she doesnāt have a single clue who you are. The golden retriever you used to fawn over every time you stopped by, sits quietly by the door and watches the cars pass by, his fur now graying as weariness begins to settle into those old bones.
You wouldāve been displeased if the place had changed, because, well, you donāt like change. But then again, this familiarity is dangerous. It tricks you into thinking that everything is still the same, even you and him. Deludes you into believing that youāre still in love and that heāll walk out of here holding your hand.
Regardless, the first spoonful has you biting back a smile.
āHow is it?ā Jungkook asks.
It makes you feel all warm inside, and then a little sad, nostalgic.
āTastes just the same,ā you tell him simply.
āHmm.ā
He lets you satisfy your hunger in peace. Itās the least he can do anyway.
Thereās a wall near the back of the restaurant, where people could hang polaroids of themselves and cute handwritten notes. You think if you dig through the hundreds of photos scattered across the space, you might be able to find you and Jungkook there, if you two havenāt already been thrown out long ago to make room for new memories.
He pays for your food after youāre both finished, despite some protesting on your side. As you leave, youāre busy thinking that if you could have a moment to marvel at that far-back wall of memories, if you could find a photo of you and him there, you would probably sneak it into your coat pocket.
Itād be another thing to add to your pile of Jungkook memorabilia - the old clothes in the back of your closet, the stack of dusty polaroids at the bottom of your drawer. You wonder if he keeps anything of yours, maybe an old t-shirt that you forgot to take back. Itās probably unlikely, but a girl can hope.
You miss the way Jungkook glances back, thinking the exact same thing.
You survive the rest of the drive with more ease, probably because of the food. You spend most of the remaining 2 hours leaning against the window, humming to the radio, closing your eyes but not really sleeping. You even forget to be nervous about what is to come.
That is, until the car pulls up to the venue.
Itās absolutely gorgeous, and a lot bigger than you imagined - a modern beach house overlooking the waters. Itās not as extravagant as one would expect to see when they come to a wedding, but considering the small crowd in attendance, this is more than enough. You see people rush in and out of the place even from far away - planners, caterers, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, probably.
You feel a bit comforted just watching this. His family seems to be doing a lot better than before. Itās nice to know.
You barely make it out of the car before someone calls your name, and pulls you into a hug that knocks the wind out of you. Although, when you catch the scent of her hair, you instantly know who it is.
Parents usually have a scent thatās distinct to only their kids, a scent so cozy and homely that no perfume can ever mask. You can only describe your momās scent with a feeling, specifically the feeling of your chest tightening, tingling with a bittersweetness that you never found elsewhere.Ā
Strangely enough, Jungkookās mother has always made you feel the opposite. She makes you feel relieved to be in her embrace, like she accepts you for who you are even if all you are to her, at the end of the day, is a stranger.
You hug her back awkwardly, hesitantly, in front of Jungkookās dad, his brother Junghyun, and a girl you donāt know. You assume that sheās the bride-to-be, the main character whom this weekend revolves around. Sooji, you remember that was the name on the wedding invitation.
You get choked up suddenly, eyes turning glassy though you quickly blink it away. Youāre not sure if youāve had someone be so happy to see you. Bypassers might even think that you just found the cure for cancer.
For a second there, you wonder if your mere presence has ever made your mother this overjoyed.
You look at Jungkook for help, silently asking him to rescue you. Who else are you supposed to turn to if not him?
He understands that look. āOkay, mom,ā he says, entangling her arms from you with ease, āY/Nās tired from the drive. Letās let her rest, yeah? Iāll show her the room.ā
She ignores her son. āHoney,ā she says, brushing your hair away from your face so she could see you better. āThank you for coming.ā She used to insist that you call her āmomā, or at least by her first name because āMrs. Jeonā was too formal for someone she considered family.
You now have to opt for the latter, because āmomā isnāt an option for you anymore.
āThank you for inviting me, Mrs. Jeon,ā you tell her with a smile. Youāre not really sure what else to say, but it makes you a little sad just calling her that.
She opens her mouth before closing it again, seemingly about to jokingly scold you for the formality before she recognizes the bittersweet look in your eyes. She just smiles at you then. Thereās not much to be done about it.
You donāt know if anyone else sees how the moment is weighed down. Probably not. Maybe itās just you and her who share this sentiment.
Jungkook doesnāt wait for his mom anymore. Sons, typical. He wedges himself between the two of you like a bulldozer and leads you inside the house.Ā
Even though all you have is an overnight bag, Jungkook carries it for you all the way up to your room, which is only down the hall from his. Then he disappears pretty quickly afterward, saying something about his best man duties and putting out fires. He seems apologetic as he tells you this, but itās not like youāre expecting him to babysit you all weekend.
You bore yourself to death in your room for a while, before you remember you have to text Yoongi to let him know you got here safely. Though, you stop short of telling him that it was Jungkook who drove you here. Itās trivial enough, right? You donāt want Yoongi to feel bad over nothing. You do, however, inform Taehyung and Jimin when you text them about it, to which Jimin only responds with a preemptively disapproving āDonāt do anything I wouldnāt do.ā
When you get too stir-crazy, you wander outside, hoping to explore the beach before it gets dark and colder. You try to stay out of everyoneās way, because a good guest is a quiet guest. You seem to be doing a good job. No one notices you, not even Jungkookās mom but thatās because sheās the person you actively want to avoid the most. You donāt know what youād even say to her if she gets you alone.
Everything is hectic, as one can probably imagine when it comes to wedding preparations. You havenāt had anyone close to you get married yet, so itās safe to say that youāre pretty much clueless about all of this. You wonder what itāll be like when your big day comes around, if you even ever get married. You havenāt thought about it in a long time. Why would you? You donāt really have a reason to think about this. Itās much easier to picture Taehyungās or Jiminās wedding day than your own.
Your opinion on having kids still remains the same, and you were never one of those girls who daydreamed about having a big and extravagant wedding, but itās not such a bad idea to ponder about. You still think marriage is a scary thing - itās one of the biggest commitments a person could ever make - but youāre not entirely opposed to getting married.Ā
Why are you even mulling over this? Your time might never even come.
When you round the corner to get the steps that would lead you down to the beach, you run into Sooji and a woman holding a thick binder - must be a wedding planner. You give Jungkookās future sister-in-law an awkward smile in greeting, which she returns much more gracefully before she tells the woman that sheāll be with her in a minute.
So now youāre stuck here, about to make small talk with a person you have never met before, and will likely never see again. Great.Ā
āHi,ā you say, extending a hand. āI havenāt had the chance to introduce myself. Iām Y/N.ā
āIām Sooji,ā she replies warmly as she shakes your hand, and you have to stop yourself from being a little weirdo and thinking about how silky her hair looks up close. āYouāre Jungkookāsā¦ friend, right?ā
You purse your lips before nodding with a chuckle. The pause tells you that she knows, and you wouldnāt be surprised if sheās uncomfortable having you here.Ā
āIām sorry if this is weird. You probably donāt want a complete stranger at your wedding.ā
Sooji shakes her head instantly, waving her hands around to dismiss your apology. āPlease, itās totally fine. Junghyunās mom talked to me about it before we sent out the invites. I wouldnāt have agreed if I was really bothered. Donāt worry about it, seriously.ā
āWhy did you agree?ā you ask, trying to sound as polite as possible. āYou donāt know who I am.ā
āI guess I was curious.ā She shrugs, before laughing lightly as she says, āI used to think you werenāt real.ā
āHuh?ā
āShe talks about you constantly. Never in front of Jungkook, of course. But sheās really fond of you, and you probably already know that doesnāt happen very often. She really does see you like a daughter. She made you sound too good to be true.ā
Youāre not sure how to respond to that. His mom still thinks about you, still talks about you after all this time. Youāre just his ex-girlfriend, but she considers you her family. You donāt know what to do with this information nor the way it pinches your heart.
āI-ā You purse your lips, fumbling with the responses in your head. You settle on a light laugh, because Sooji can probably tell that youāre struggling with the words too. āI have to be honest. I donāt know what to say to that.ā
āYou donāt have to say anything. I just thought you should know that youāre still very much loved here.ā She gives you a kind smile, and it looks like she wants to tell you something else but decides against it in the end. Soojiās eyes land somewhere behind you before she points in that general direction. āI have to go take care of an issue with the flowers, but look, Jungkook is here. Why donāt you ask him to show you around?ā
And then sheās already off. Overall, what aā¦ strange interaction.
You turn around to see Jungkook standing near one of the entrances to the house. As you watch him talk to someone - a bridesmaid, you assume, or just one of the other guests - you try not to think about the fact that thereās a stirring sensation in your stomach, and that it only intensifies when she throws her head back in a pretty laugh, a perfectly manicured hand landing on his arm like heās the most charming person sheās ever met.Ā
You donāt give it a name, donāt label it green in color even though youāre blue and heās golden sunshine. You donāt acknowledge that itās a feeling, because doing so would make it real and there are certain truths that youād rather delude yourself into thinking are lies.
When Jungkookās eyes catch yours and he cuts off the woman mid-sentence with a curt excuse me, you donāt acknowledge that feeling either, but itās warm and it blooms in your chest as he makes his way to you. Itās something victorious, something that tickles your ribs.
He comes to you like youāre a destination heās been waiting all his life to reach, and you certainly, adamantly donāt acknowledge the spectacularly dizzying feeling that swallows you whole when he places a gentle hand on your arm, his voice soft as he says, āThere you are. I was looking for you.ā
The familiarity, itās catastrophic.
āI was just walking around,ā you tell him. āThereās not a lot to do here. I was bored.ā
āYou have me,ā he says. Probably not in that way, but youād like to think thatās how he means it. āI donāt have any more fires to put out. What do you want to do now?ā
You glance over your surroundings, still set on your original plans. You wanted to go alone, but you suppose you can let him accompany you. You check the time on your phone before asking, āCan we go down to the beach? I wanna see if we can catch the sunset.ā
You used to do this whenever you came here to visit - walk along the beach, hand in hand, sunlight in your hair and the cool breeze holding you tight in the afterglow.
The keyword here is āused toā. Now, you have to stuff your hands in your pockets just so you donāt reach for him every time you shiver.
Itās late enough in the afternoon for you to see the moon faintly shine against a blue and orange backdrop. Sun and moon, together in the same frame. It feels symbolic somehow. Youāre not really sure.
āThe moon looks like an egg,ā Jungkook observes astutely, taking casual strides next to you. It makes you burst into easy laughter, which makes him laugh with you too. You stop walking when you reach what you think is a good spot to watch the sky.Ā
āLetās sit here for a bit,ā you say. Itās not the greatest idea - sitting idly by would only make you colder - but you just want to stop and look at the sunset. Once youāre seated in the sand, you respond to his moon remark, āThatās true, yāknow. NASA said so.ā
āYeah,ā he says, settling down beside you, āyou made me read that.ā
Youād forgotten about it, and you didnāt think that heād remember. Itās freezing cold and the moon looks like an egg, but youāre not thinking, and you feel safe. Nothing can hurt you here, or at least thatās what youād like to tell yourself.
You wrap your arms around yourself to keep from shivering, but you still shiver anyways.
āAre you cold?ā he asks.
āA little,ā you admit. āI shouldāve worn a thicker sweater. But itās o-ā
He doesnāt let you finish the sentence, just smoothly takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders.
You put your hands atop his to stop him. When you touch him, thereās an electric tingle that almost makes you flinch. He feels warm, still resembling a human furnace.Ā
āNo, you donāt have t-ā
āTake the jacket, Y/N,ā he says. āItās just a jacket.ā
The jacket smells like him. It only makes you want to crawl further into the warmth.
He seems more self-assured here, thatās what you notice. More like the version of himself that he used to be. Confident, sometimes borderline cocky. Annoying but oddly endearing, you came to love that about him.
His relaxed demeanor is understandable. Youāre merely a visitor here, while this is his homeground.Ā
āIām curious about something,ā he says after a while.
āOkay.ā
āWhatās the deal with Wednesdays?ā he asks.Ā
āYou know how they say bad things come in threes?ā You purse your lips, thinking it over, feeling something bitter in your mouth as you recall the events that led to this. āMy parents got divorced on a Wednesday. I moved out of momās house on a Wednesday. Andā¦ā You hold your knees close to your chest as you hesitate to utter this last part, āwe broke up on a Wednesday.ā
You see the exact moment Jungkook mentally slaps himself, paling a couple shades as he tongues his cheek, not expecting his question to inadvertently lead back to this. It wasnāt your intention to guilt trip him. It was true that he dumped you on a Wednesday, but you donāt want the mood to turn sour, to have to mull over this again. Like he said, it will still be there for you to worry about when you get back. Youāre not looking forward to returning to a shitshow, but what youād hate even more is to tarnish the memories of this place just because you canāt keep from being vindictive for not even a weekend.
āI was born on a Wednesday too, so I guess bad things come in fours sometimes,ā you continue, chuckling to yourself humorlessly.
A frown appears on his face almost instantaneously. āWhat is that supposed to mean?ā
You shrug. Jungkook turns his body toward you, which makes you spare him a glance before you return your gaze to the horizon. His face is so serious that itās almost funny. āY/N,ā he presses. āWhy would you say that?ā
āCāmon, itās a joke. I was just being self-deprecating. Lighten up.ā
āWhy are you talking like that?ā
āLike what? Contrary to popular belief, I donāt walk around with a thundercloud over my head all the time,ā you laugh lightly. āI figured if there was a day to be nice to you, it should be today. And tomorrow, I guess.ā
āThis is you being nice?ā
Funny how just a few weeks ago, you were fighting with him and calling him a hypocrite. Now, youāre sitting together, watching the sun set, trying not to be mean to him.
āIām not picking a fight with you,ā you say. āThis is nice enough.ā
āItās not even my wedding.ā
āOkay.ā You glance at him again, letting words flow without a single thought. āIāll be even nicer to you on your wedding day then.ā
You donāt know where that even came from, but something aches the very second the words leave your mouth. The thought of him getting married one day makes you just nauseous, even though you always knew that it was a possibility. It might even be inevitable.
You clear your throat, waving the sullen feeling away. Your body shivers then, even after the added warmth of his jacket. Maybe youāre not shivering because of the cold anymore.
He doesnāt say anything, but you can feel his eyes linger on the side of your face. The both of you keep tiptoeing around an elephant that follows you wherever you go.Ā
You hug your knees close to your chest, watching the blue sky melt into the golden horizon, splattered with ribbons of cotton candy clouds.
You want to scooch closer to him and have him wrap his arm around your shoulders. This isnāt the spot where you used to draw your names in the sand, enveloped in a giant heart like two lovesick kids, but wouldnāt it be nice to imagine that it is?
āI was always really happy here,ā you mumble to yourself.
You were, truly. This city was your pocket of hope, your piece of peace.
Being here brings back so many memories.
Itās the same feeling you get every time you pass by somewhere you used to live. The nostalgia of walking down the same road you used to walk every day until your shoes wore out. The familiarity of your surroundings. The bittersweetness of looking into a past you cannot hold anymore, of remembering the person you were at a certain period in your life, of knowing the things you do now that you didnāt back then.
You long for things you cannot change.
Nostalgia only grows stronger with time, you can always count on that.
He hums in agreement, before admitting quietly, āI miss you.ā One pulls, the other pushes. The water wavers, like itās touched by his words, simple but earnest. Youāre touched too, somewhere in your heart, where you know you should be writing someone elseās name now.
Should?
āYouāre pushing it,ā you say softly.
āI know.ā
You look at him. Maybe itās because youāre back in the city that holds only good memories of you two. Maybe youāre hypnotized by the way the pink and purple hues kiss his side profile, making him feel like a fever dream and not someone you loved. Maybe itās the cold, making you yearn for any source of warmth. But instead of returning his sentiment, you say, āItāll pass.ā
He meets your eyes. Thereās something pleading in his gaze. All things pass eventually. Time moves forward, people move on. Bad things will pass sooner or later. Your worst heartbreak, your most arduous trials, your saddest moments, they will all pass.
And good thingsā¦ good things will have to pass too, whether you like it or not.
Your fingers twitch from where theyāre still holding onto your body. You itch to reach for his hand. You donāt tell him what he wants to hear, even though hereās a part of you that wants to say it back. In a better world, you would be telling him I love you too, instead of having to suppress an I miss you too.
āAll things have to pass eventually. This will too.ā
[20:05] Taebear š»: we could go to that bar near the gallery. Y/N likes the cocktails there [20:06] Mimi š„: kay kay [20:06] Mimi š„: soooooo next friday? [20:09] Mimi š„: why is y/n reading our messages. shouldnāt she be at dinner [20:09] You: i approve of the bar choice [20:11] You: if you didnāt want me reading your messages, you shouldnāt have sent them to the gc [20:11] You: and if you must know, iām skipping dinner. iām avoiding Jungkookās mom [20:12] Mimi š„: understandable. i figured you would do that [20:13] Mimi š„: howās it going? are we regretting going yet? i told you to just stay home and we could binge watch the office together [20:15] You: and EYE told you that you could be a good friend and go to this wedding with me but nooooo baby doesnāt like the cold [20:16] You: you couldāve visited your parents while youāre here you know. two birds with one stone [20:18] Mimi š„: babes my parents stayed with me for a whole month last month. i reached my quota for family face timeĀ [20:19] You: son and friend of the year š [20:20] Mimi š„: šššš
[20:22] Taebear š»: hey [20:23] You: uh oh. am i in trouble? why is this not in the gc? [20:25] Taebear š»: lol shut up [20:26] Taebear š»: you okay? [20:28] You: feels like that couldāve been a perfectly good question to ask in the gc [20:29] Taebear š»: because itās a serious question and we both know Jimin canāt be serious for one minute to save his life [20:32] You: why does it have to be a serious question? š¤Ŗ [20:32] Taebear š»: š [20:33] You: stop pouting. iām fine [20:35] Taebear š»: are you? [20:36] You: i am! you donāt have to go all mama bear on me [20:39] Taebear š»: ha ha ha. youāre so funny [20:40] Taebear š»: want me to call you? [20:42] You: i said iām fiiiiiine š [20:43] You: but also no because i told everyone i was tired and iām pretending to be asleep in my room right now [20:43] Taebear š»: okay [20:43] Taebear š»: did you eat something at least? [20:44] You: i have a cup ramen in my room [20:45] Taebear š»: okay [20:46] Taebear š»: how was today? did JK make you wanna strangle him? [20:48] You: okay Kim Taehyung at least act like you have some faith in your friend lol [20:50] You: but mmmmmm it was ok. he was mostly behaving himself [20:51] Taebear š»: mostly? [20:54] You: we were down at the beach and he just told me he missed me out of the blue [20:55] You: Mimi is asking why no one is replying to himĀ [20:57] Taebear š»: i can see that [20:58] Taebear š»: what did you tell JK? [21:01] You: i quoted fleabag to him [21:09] Taebear š»: i had to google that [21:10] Taebear š»: i still donāt know what that means [21:11] You: i know you donāt lol. youāre adorable [21:11] You: iāll tell you when i get back.Ā [21:13] You: ok bye i have to sleep early or iāll look like ass in the morning [21:14] Taebear š»: oh. okay [21:15] Taebear š»: sleep tight. remember not to gorge yourself on booze tomorrow [21:17] You: thanks for the reminder. love you mom šš [21:17] Taebear š»: :) [21:20] Taebear š»: you wonāt look like ass btw
You clocked out right after you told Taehyung that you would. It wasnāt a peaceful sleep though. The anxiety simmering in your belly woke you up a few times throughout the night. You donāt even know why you were anxious. Itās not like you were the one who was about to walk down the aisle.
When morning finally came and you managed to untangle yourself from the surprising comfort of your familiar bed, you practically dragged your feet for the subsequent two hours, trying to get ready. As if that would actually slow down the passage of time.
You had to compartmentalize the things you needed to do in a mental checklist. Makeup. Hair. Dress. Stare at yourself in the mirror for half an hour and internally freak out while waiting for Jungkook to come get you from your room.
Now youāre sitting in the wedding hall, watching people filter into the room. Itās not even a lot of people, but youāre still overwhelmed regardless.
You feel so exposed, even though heās the only one looking at you in this room of strangers. Heās been looking at you like that ever since he first saw you this morning, in a dress that you got just days before the wedding. You still donāt know if itās entirely appropriate for your ex-boyfriendās brotherās wedding - maybe a bit revealing - but it was the only one you could find on such short notice.
When you tried on the dress for Taehyung and Jimin a few days ago, Taehyung said you looked beautiful. Jimin said you looked decent, āsix point five out of ten,ā which translated to āpretty niceā in Jimin-lingo. That wouldāve been enough if you were going to any other wedding, not one where Jungkook would also be attending.
You had wanted him to see you and regret ever leaving you.
It was a silly thought, just a tad adolescent.
You had wanted him to see you in your dress and be consumed with thoughts of you until he couldnāt even see straight. To be the only thing on his mind, you didnāt think it was a lot to ask for.
That was before he told you not to think about it and youād been convinced to just go with the flow just for two days. It was before he actually did see you earlier today in your dress - a simple midnight blue satin cowl neck with a slit in the thigh - but you were the one rendered helpless and speechless. He had stared at you for a minute when he came to walk you down from your room, then heād said, all breathless even though both of you were just standing there, āYouāre beautiful.ā
Youāre beautiful, not You look beautiful.
You donāt know why, but you appreciated it.
It made your cheeks burn underneath your artificial rosy blush. Stupid, you thought to yourself when you two made your way to the main hall. Stupid for letting yourself get dizzy because of a single compliment from him.
Youāre seated with his parents, which makes sense because you donāt know anybody here except for them. Well, maybe you know one of his cousins whose kid you and Jungkook used to babysit whenever their family was in the city, but you doubt that he even remembers you anymore.
When the ceremony begins, your heart instantly feels like itās about to drop to the pit of your stomach.
You canāt lie to yourself. It stings.
It stings just sitting here next to his parents like a daughter-in-law, like a member of their family, watching his brother solidify his happy ending.
It stings that Jungkook is standing up there, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes arenāt on the couple. They keep flickering to you no matter how much you try to pretend that they donāt.
It stings that even though you donāt think about marriage often - or maybe you just donāt allow yourself to - you canāt deny that the thought does cross your mind from time to time. Any time that youād wander the corridors inside your head, youād pass the doors that you keep unopened on purpose but thereās always that one door marked with a bright red X that you can never sidestep.
You watch Junghyun and Sooji with their teary smiles and shaky hands, shaky but happy. Thereās a sudden clarity that this couldāve been you and him in another life. Forever is a lie, but you wouldāve perjured yourself a thousand times for him. I do - you wouldāve meant it.
You imagine yourself in Soojiās place, and Jungkook, standing right on the other side, holding both your hands in his. A beautiful and radiant bride terrified of the altar. A dashing groom with a smile that could rival the sun and shoulders weighing heavier than he lets on.
It wouldāve looked clumsy, but it couldāve been right.
You wonder if heās wondering the same thing. Maybe he is. You hope he is.
When the ceremony ends with a kiss shared between the newlyweds, you wipe away the tears that well up in your eyes. The people around you do the same thing, but theyāre doing it for the right reason, out of genuine joy for the happy couple. You donāt think you can say the same for yourself.
Some of the bridesmaids fawn over him. Itās reasonable, you suppose. One tends to do that in the presence of Jeon Jungkook.
You watch as they come up to him one by one to ask him to dance, watch as he politely declines until theyāre all stalking away with similar pouts on their faces. You watch him until his eyes lock on you, sitting at a table near the back, nursing a glass of champagne.
He weaves himself with ease through the people making their way to the dance floor. When heās in front of you, he holds out a hand.
āDance with me?ā he asks, his doe eyes working overtime to lure you in with their sparkles, though youād rather stay here where you can easily go unnoticed until the night ends. āOne song?ā
āI donāt know how,ā you say, even as youāre taking his hand and standing up.
āI showed you how, remember?ā
āThat was a long time ago.ā
He squeezes you reassuringly. āJust follow my lead,ā he says, walking the both of you to the floor. āCāmon.ā
Once the music starts, your heels stomp on his feet at least three times before you start finding the beat to move along to. Muscle memory, or whatever, is bullshit. You remember absolutely nothing of what he showed you.
Youāre grateful that the song is slow, because it makes it easier for you to follow the beat with your two left feet. He takes one of your hands in his, the other settling on the small of your back, guiding you to move in a steady rhythm.
You feel his motherās eyes on the two of you, because she must be somewhere nearby, watching you like a hawk. You feel his gaze on your face while you keep yours on the knot of his tie, just trying to keep your composure and to not step on his feet with your heels.
The blur of white that you catch from the periphery of your vision makes you turn your head. Sooji and Junghyun are close by, swaying together slowly to the soft music, both of them glowing with happiness. She must sense your eyes on her, because she lifts her gaze up to meet yours. She smiles at the sight of you and Jungkook, and you smile back, because you donāt know how else to respond to that.
You donāt say it, but you do think it. Your fingers tighten around his hand ever so slightly.
Could that have been us?
If the answer is yes, then it would hurt.
If the answer is no, then it would hurt.
The point of your story is that itās painful however you choose to look at it. Thereās no other way to frame it. Itās just painful, because youāre never going to get any of it back.
You bite your lip, then turn away from the happy couple but you still donāt look at Jungkook. You look at your hand in his, and thatās when you see it.
āHowād you get that?ā you ask, gently tracing the inch of slightly raised skin on his knuckles. You never noticed the scar until now.
āIt was four years ago, I think? After Taehyung and I almost got into a fight, I went outside andā¦ punched a wall,ā he says, wincing as he recalls the memory.
His answer takes you aback. āYou and Taehyung got into a fight?ā
āAlmost,ā he corrects. āIt was a long time ago. Didnāt they tell you?ā
āNo, they didnāt say anything. What happened?ā
āNothing happened.ā
āIf it was really nothing, you wouldnāt have punched a wall.ā You frown. It makes you miss a few beats, but the song isnāt whatās important now, even if Jungkook is still trying to steer you back into the dance. āTaehyung isnāt violent. You arenāt violent.ā
āIām serious,ā he says finally. āItās nothing. We were just drunk and stupid.ā
You know there must be more to it, that something must have happened or been said to trigger such a reaction from both of them. But you also know that you wonāt probably get anything out of Jungkook if he doesnāt want to tell you.
You give up, for now. āFine. If you say so.āĀ Youāll just have to weasel it out of Jimin later.
The song comes to an end, before another one comes on. If Jungkook remembers that he only asked for one song, maybe heās counting his blessings that youāre still here and dancing with him, because he doesnāt mention it.
For some reason, you pull your hand away from his, only to slide up his shoulder to lock both of your hands behind his neck. He seems surprised, but he does the same around your waist.
Jungkookās gaze flickers to your lips briefly, then back to your eyes again. You find yourself doing the same and wonder what he tastes like after all the time youāve been apart. Is he still as sweet as you remember? You used to tease that it was because of the excessive sugar he put in everything, but you knew it was really just him. The few inches between you are so inviting that itās practically tempting you to close the gap. You could, easily in fact. Blame it on one too many glasses of champagne later if you want.
He looks younger like this, like the boy you loved, starry eyes and dimpled smile. His shoulders are always the most comfortable resting place, the crook of his neck your long lost home. This is nice, you think, to see him again even though it feels like a fever dream. Memories of your first date, your first kiss, come to life before your eyes so realistically that you could almost touch them.
Loved? That sounds funny to you.
The people you used to be, souls wrapped in innocence, when the world was nothing but the arms of the person you loved. You reach out, and the memories quickly fade from view. The only trace they leave behind is a speck of gold on your fingertips, a memento of charming naivetƩ for you to tuck neatly away in the corner of your mind, but also a reminder that ah, they only exist in the locket of your heart now. Because he has changed, and you think you must have too. Life, as they say, goes on.
āWe made it. Kind of. Thatās crazy,ā you find yourself saying.
āDid we?ā
āYou donāt think so?ā you chuckle. āWeāre in a group chat with the Kim Seokjin who spams it with bad jokes on a daily basis. Iād call that a win.ā
That makes him laugh. āIf you put it like that, yeah, maybe. Sure.ā
Other people might be fooled, but it doesnāt sound at all convincing to you. The light doesnāt really reach his eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek, thinking of how to translate the sudden poignant turn of the moment.
āIt isnāt everything you hoped itād be?ā you ask.
His shoulders rise then fall quickly in a second-long shrug. āI thought it would make me feel moreā¦ fulfilled. But it doesnāt. Not really.ā
The way he says it and the way heās looking at you makes your heart dive. You understand what he means. Youāre good at what you do, and you donāt need reassurance from anyone to recognize that. But sometimes, it doesnāt feel like itās enough. Doesnāt feel like itās real, like itās validated.
When you landed your first big project, even before Yoongi, you were so proud of yourself. You were bursting with excitement but you werenāt happy, and you knew what the reason was. Something was missing that couldnāt be filled, not even with all your friendsā hundreds of messages of encouragement.Ā
Itās beyond stupid, this feeling like your wins amount to nothing at all just because of one person. You wanted him there to celebrate every achievement with you and he wasnāt, and the milestones seemed incomplete without the presence of him. It doesnāt feel like youāve accomplished anything because this always used to be a dream you thought youād make come true together.
āItās lonely,ā he concludes.
It sounds like he feels the same way, like he wanted you to be there too.
He suddenly holds you tighter than you think he needs to, like heās afraid to let go of you. You imagine that he doesnāt want to let go of you, and it makes you feel better for a second. But it doesnāt change the fact that he still did in the end. And he will have to when this ends.
What was the point of this? Why did he bring this upon yourselves when he seems to be as hurt as you are? All of this time, all of these years, lost to what? You couldāve been happy together but instead, you were both lost and miserable.
When the music stops - you lost count of how many songs itās been - you pull away from him. He looks disappointed, maybe even a little hurt for some reason.
āIām gonna get some air,ā you say, already turning away from him.
āY/N-ā
āI need some air.ā Then youāre weaving through the dancing couples despite Jungkook calling your name. How did he manage it? How did he not look back when you called out for him?
You hastily grab your coat on the way out. Itās not going to keep you warm, but thatās not something youāre even remotely concerned with.
Itās everywhere, you feel it down to your bones.
The wind wraps itself tightly around you, intertwining in your hair, slipping through the cracks of your fingers, caressing your face in a chilling touch. You greet the cold like a long lost sister, shivering violently with nostalgia. It was there for you more than your own flesh and blood.
Is that why you like the sea at night? Because it reminds you of mom?
Itās dark out here, barely anything is visible except for a lighthouse sending out light in the quiet of the night. You canāt see much, but you can certainly hear it. Youāre not sure if the music is coming from inside the venue, or if itās still ringing in your ears. Itās probably the latter; youāre too far away to be able to catch the music anyway. But regardless, the tune is quickly drowned out by the sea.
The waves crash violently against the shore like itās out for blood. Thereās a magnetic pull, as if itās calling out for you. You want to go to it, to reach out and feel the cold outside of your body for once, but you stay there despite your legs itching to stand up and run straight ahead. Into the water and down under.
You could lie down and close your eyes for a moment. The sound of the water, as sharp and brutal as it is, nurtures a part of you somehow.
You just want to be alone. You donāt want to talk to Taehyung, or Jimin, or even Yoongi.
Oh.
Yoongi.
Itās a terrible feeling, knowing that youāre going to hurt Yoongi. Knowing that youāre going to kill this even before it has a chance to truly begin.
Truth be told, you canāt envision a future with Yoongi. There isnāt anything wrong with him, because heās not the problem here. Yoongi is fun, heās considerate, he keeps things light on purpose for you, until youāre ready to initiate something more serious. Heās good for you, even Taehyung thinks so.
But you canāt love Yoongi, not in the way that he wants you to. Not more than you love Jungkook.
There you go. Ruining things again.
Did you ruin Jungkook? Is that what happened?
The layers on you are no match for the sea at night. The wind hisses relentlessly, biting at any part of your skin thatās exposed.
It takes you back to that night. Almost everything does, actually.
Maybe thatās why you never even stopped to consider starting anything with anyone, because it always ends. If thereās a beginning, then there will be an inevitable ending. Love isnāt made to last and you arenāt meant to carry love with you. Youāve been abandoned twice. If it happens a third time, itās a pattern, and then your hypothesis will only be proven. That the problem here is you.
Youād be lying if you said you havenāt wondered when itāll finally be Taehyungās turn to leave. He eventually will, right? That oneās gonna hurt.
Then, youāre startled when someone calls your name.
āWhatās wrong?ā Jungkook asks. The wind and the waves masked the sound of his footsteps walking up to you. When you turn around to face him, his eyes grow worried, almost panicked. āWhy are you crying?ā
You breathe out irritatedly before you hastily wipe at your cheeks. You didnāt even realize that youād been crying. āNothingās wrong. Iām fine,ā you say, though you both know itās a lie. āIām just tired. Iām going up to my room.ā
He catches your wrist in a firm grip when you try to walk away. You wish heād just leave you alone, but you knew he wouldnāt drop it just like that.
āI said Iām fine,ā you insist.
āYou were crying,ā he says. āDid I do something wrong?ā
He didnāt, at least not tonight.
God, you really donāt want to do this right now.
āJungkook,ā you warn. āLet go of me.ā
You try to free yourself from his grip, hoping that heāll get the hint and back off for now. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, where you struggle to escape from his hold until you realize your efforts are futile. He takes the windās place, wound tightly around you, so tightly that itās nearly impossible for you to move.
You hiss out his name, but he doesnāt budge.Ā
āJungkook, can you just- Fuck!ā
Damn him.
You realize heās not giving up, which in turn makes you give up struggling, hoping that if you let this be a moment, then itāll be something that can pass.
Youāre just standing there, letting him hold you, letting yourself be held by the person who broke you in the first place. This feels exactly like where youāre supposed to be - in his arms, with your face hidden in the crook of his neck, his gentle fingers stroking your hair. Thereās not a lot that you could do but lean into that feeling the same way you lean into him. One foot in the sand, one foot in the past. A hand on the doorknob of time, wondering if you should look back or look forward.
You want to be alone, but that never used to apply with him.
The wind stills, the sea calms. You remain unmoving too, locked in his embrace. You feel the faint rhythm of his heart, beating faster than you think it should. If you could, you would bottle this moment up and live there forever.
I miss you, you think.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
Then your arms are around him too. It only makes him hold you tighter, and all you can think about is how much you miss him, how painful it is to miss him, how you feel like youāre being pulled apart at the seams from the weight of missing him.Ā
Fuck.
Can you pretend that the last few years never happened? Is there a higher power that would allow you to go back to the night before that wretched Wednesday, when everything was still perfect? Hundreds of days of your life, can you pretend that it was just one long nightmare? When you wake up, youāll be back in his humble apartment, tangled up together in his bed. Warm sunlight, your silken youth, and him. It was all you ever needed.
Again with the devastating familiarity. The city, the beach. His motherās warmth that always made you reminisce about your own motherās coldness. How Jungkook used to find you in moments like this and just stayed by your side until the dejection passed. He understood that he could never understand it the way you did.
You hear yourself sniffle, then you feel him press a kiss into your hair. Home is comforting.
Oh, you never want to leave.
You donāt want to leave, and thatās terrifying.
You allow yourself to stay there for one more second - one endless second - so you could commit to memory what itās like to be with him. Back and forth. Itās always so easy to fall into him.
Jungkook releases you when he feels you loosen after a while, and you reluctantly meet his eyes as he tilts your head to face him.Ā His fingers cradling your jaw, how warm and delicate they feel on your skin.
You swallow thickly, your mind going blank. Heās the only person you see, the only one that matters. His eyes flicker south, and even then you donāt make any move to run away, despite his loose grip on your waist telling you that you can if you want to.
You told him that it would pass, and maybe for him, it will. For him, itās the city and the moment, making him feel like heās caught up in a page that heās turned over a long time ago. He was fine with leaving, and heās been fine without you. It will pass for him, as much as it hurts you to admit it.
But not for you. For you, thereās only him. Thereās nobody else but him. Itās always been him, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that there will be another person you can love as much as you love Jungkook. You might only be a page, perhaps even a chapter, in the story of his life, but heās your entire book. Heās volume after volume after volume, until he takes up the whole shelf and leaves no room for anything else, not even for yourself.
And now here he is - at the biggest turn in your career.
Heās a bad blood cell you canāt ever get rid of.
Youāll never be able to truly let go of him. How could you? When you truly love someone, those feelings will carry on forever. Theyāll always have a piece of your heart despite an ending. When you look back on a certain period in your life, youāll think to yourself, Youāll always be a part of me. I loved you then.
But Jungkook is a force of nature. He has your whole heart.
Years and years from now, when you look back on your life, you know youāll see him everywhere. Even when youāre old and gray, and when faces all just blur together in a mosaic of broken memories and long lost youth, you know youāll still remember him - the person you loved, the one whom you let slip through your fingers. The great love of your life when you were young.
Sometimes, you regret that day. You canāt help feeling like it was your fault too. Maybe you shouldāve tried harder to keep him. You shouldāve fought harder, shouldāve held onto him instead of standing there and watching him leave.
He lit the match, and you let the house burn. It takes two to tango, two to break a heart.
Youāre quick to let people leave. Oh, how you wish it could be that easy to let them go too.
It isnāt until your eyes mimic the flicker of his gaze that he leans in. You meet him halfway. For the first time in years, you feel like you could breathe, truly breathe. Itās achingly slow, like neither of you can believe that this is happening.Ā
You sigh against his mouth when his tongue brushes your bottom lip, slips past the seal to devour you. It feels like a perfect dream. You could stay in this bubble with him forever, pretend that youāre the only two people who exist in the world and thereās nothing else, no one else, waiting for you in a city that seems so far away right now. The thought of him never left you, not even for a second. Heās always been with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do, always in the back of your mind.
He tastes like your youth, like remembrance. He kisses you like heās still yours when deep down you know that youāre still his. The hand on your jaw is gentle but firm, and it makes you repeat a thought, I miss you.
Then a feeling, I love you.
Not then. Now.
I love you now.
I love you even when I shouldnāt. Even when it hurts. Even when you leave me. Even when you donāt love me more than I love you. If there comes a day where you love somebody else, I will still love you then. There will never be another person for me but you. My first and only love.
When he pulls away, you think itās too quick, even though your lungs are grateful for the breath that you instantly inhale. You stare at his lips like youāre in a daze, mesmerized, wanting to chase them again. You donāt even know how you have it in yourself to utter these next words, but you hear your own voice saying them anyway.
Youāre holding onto him now. Doesnāt that count?
āLetāsā¦ā Your fingers tighten on the collar of his dress shirt. āLetās go up to your room.ā
note (2): so... what do we think?? will they?? won't they?? šµ stay tuned for obs7.5 which will be dropping 29.09.2023! also i'm gonna pause obs muse asks for a little bit! š¬
all rights reservedĀ Ā©Ā jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying isĀ notĀ permitted by any means.Ā [posted september 24, 2023]
#jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook x you#jungkook fanfic#jungkook imagines#bts x reader#bts x you#bts fluff#bts smut#bts angst#bts scenarios#bts imagines#bangtanbathhouse#clubzerooclock#52hertz#fic: our beloved summer#obs spoilers#jungkook
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AMOUR ROSE | cl16
SOCIAL MEDIA!AU charles leclerc x fem!reader (fc: pasabist on ig)
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yourusername filling up my vitamin d tank in portugal ā¦
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user1 someone explain to me how this girl is dating charles ā¤· user2 she's way out of his league
charles_leclerc mon bijou (my jewel), no one compares to your beauty! ā¤· yourusername charles stop i'm already turning red
charles_leclerc i cannot believe how blessed i've been with you in my life, i'm going crazy over you ā¤· yourusername you're so overdramatic...
user3 y/n being absolutely flustered because of charles' comments is so real of her ā¤· user4 even i'm blushing because of his compliments ā¤· user5 idk if i should be jealous because she's dating charles or because he keeps being the sweetest boyfriend
ā” liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 301,392 others
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yourusername bye bye vacation āļø
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user6 i want what they have ā¤· user7 every night i manifest this exact life
charles_leclerc mon soleil (my sun), your smile brightens up my day ā¤· yourusername careful or you'll get a sunburn ā¤· charles_leclerc i'd gratefully accept every sunburn if it means seeing your smile every day
user8 i hate charles for raising the bar so high with every comment he leaves under her posts ā¤· user9 god has his favourites and she's one of them fr
ā” liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 193,304 others
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voguesingapore Let the elegance of #Y/N enchant us all. A rising star on various social media platforms, Y/N Y/L/N has enjoyed a big following, especially on Instagram. She's currently dating Formula One driver Charles Leclerc and opens up about the life as an F1 WAG and her life in the spotlight in our September Issue 2022.
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yourusername it feels like a dream come true! i'm still speechless this is really happening... ā¤· charles_leclerc you deserve for all your dreams to come true mon amour (my love)
user10 so we're celebrating people who have achieved nothing on their own now? ā¤· user11 she had a pretty big following even before she started dating charles ā¤· user12 yeah but like.... why? just because she's pretty? ā¤· user13 that's literally how most people became influencers on social media
user14 she's so otherwordly pretty
user15 she looks so ethereal. elegance perfectly describes her
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yourusername charles loves to spoil me on my birthday even if he cannot be here right now
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user16 i need to call my therapist because i cannot anymore ā¤· user17 charles spoiling y/n and her friends because of her birthday really confirms the "if he wanted to he would" saying
charles_leclerc the pink hair is going to be the death of me mon coeur (my heart) ā¤· yourusername my face is as pink as my hair right now
user18 wow and my boyfriend couldn't even text me a "happy birthday" on my birthday morning... ā¤· user19 not everyone can be as sweet as charles leclerc
user20 she's so spoiled oml
user21 you're telling me she rather celebrates her birthday with her friends than support charles in zandvoort? ā¤· user22 some people love to hate on every little thing...
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charles_leclerc mon ange rose me rend fou... bon anniversaire ma chĆØre (my pink angel is driving me insane... happy birthday my dear)
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user23 oh he whipped whipped
user24 charles being absolutely head over heels for y/n is what i aspire in my future relationship
yourusername you're too adorable charles, je t'aime (i love you) ā¤· charles_leclerc je t'aime davantage (i love you more) ā¤· yourusername impossible! ā¤· charles_leclerc yes possible!
user25 i need to take a break from charles' and y/n's profiles because their comments keep destoying me
user26 they made me believe in love again ā¤· user27 if they ever break up, i'll be a two times child of divorce
#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#charles lecerc imagines#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc fanfiction#f1 instagram au#f1 social media au#f1 smau#f1 imagine#f1 imagines#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 fluff#f1 fanfiction
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I can't stop thinking about this morning's anon and some of their wording. "This was so scary to write because if any of my friends knew about this my life would be over".
It's short but I honestly felt so bad for them. They really don't need this on top of their other experiences. And what's worse, this is the common mentality now: I keep seeing, on Twitter and Tiktok screenshots, teenagers who genuinely ask if a ship they like is "proship", with the underlying message being "please don't bully me".
And listen to me. I am the most insecure bitch on the planet. I would literally eat my own hands with ketchup and mayonnaise rather than reveal my music tastes to other people. I've been endlessly mocked for my passions ever since I was a child - not bullied, but I've been told by parents and classmates that no one cares, or I'm too old for this, or I need to live in the modern world... long story short, to this day I do not want to be perceived. So I understand the feeling of "you will pry my true tastes from my cold dead hands". I am old enough to know these are irrational thoughts, but to this day I much prefer to keep things to myself.
So listen: you deserve friends who do not judge you.
Again:
You deserve friends who do not judge you.
It's one thing to prefer to keep your tastes private because you're a private person. That's fine! That is your right! But please, if you really think your friends will hate you because you happen to read Problematicā¢ fiction... no, that shouldn't happen. Especially not on the internet, where nobody should know about you as a person. Friends who do care about you would not think any less of you for something as common (yes it's common!) as enjoying some spicy stories. It is not a crime. It does not say anything about your morals. And it's even worse if you've already suffered in the past, but this goes for everyone.
I don't want to get into the whole pro/anti ship discourse because I am sick of how easily the internet twists the meaning of important words until discussions can't be had because the two factions are not even talking about the same thing anymore. I don't know anon's previous or current stance on shipping, what they meant by that comment, and again the wording worries me a little when combined with that other comment. I do have my thoughts about it that go beyond what "proship" means, and I'll summarize:
not only no one deserves harassment for what they ship, but the only thing you can judge from someone's writing is their writing level. Not their actual personality, not their experiences, and less of all their real-life morals.
Brand this backwards on your forehead and read that in the mirror everytime you wake up.
Anyway. I don't know if you'll read this, anon, but I really wish you all the best luck in the future. And I'm very glad that you approached me to tell me that - as sad as the circumstances are, and I'm sorry for being self-aggrandizing, your praise made my day :)
#important#vent#proship#i suppose this counts#i really do not want to use myself as an example because as i said i don't want to expose myself#but i am so fucking tired of this relentless bullying over something that at the end of the day is barely above the pettiest of ship wars
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