#i would lovE to see his perspective while he's doing his one (1) job

[foxintheferns]

I'd love to see Jacob with a single mama. I'd love it if he imprinted on her while she's playing with her little one on the beach. She could be Charlie's niece who he helped move to Forks to give her a fresh start with the little one. I'm thinkin the kiddo is about 1-2, old enough to walk/play in the sand but still young. I can see Jacob being the best papa ever and the pack just LOVING on the kid <3 Please and thank you! <3

Thank you so much for your patience with this one! Because I made you wait so long, I made it a long one <3. Loved writing such sweet lil fluffy stuff. Please enjoy :)

A/N: AU where Jacob and Bella aren’t toxic & weirdly obsessed with each other, and he has his own life and experiences outside of her! Period.

HOME

You sat on the sand with Lydia between your legs, her wispy, silky auburn hair blowing between your fingers with each soft gust of the salty breeze. You faced the ocean, La Push beach surrounding you in all of its striking glory.

Lydia babbled as she played with the sand, her back to you and her arms and legs quite literally covered in the granules. It would be her second birthday in two months, and you couldn’t understand where the time had gone. She grew so quickly, her chunky little arms and legs getting longer by the day, and you wished desperately that you could pause time.

Your ex boyfriend Noah, Lydia’s father, hadn’t wanted much to do with the raising of his child.

You looked down at the side of her sweet face, the buttery soft skin of her cheek glowing with the orange light of the afternoon. It was despicable that anyone could not want to love this tiny human, you thought, that anyone would even consider leaving her by choice. But that was exactly what Noah had done. His booze and his gambling was far too important to him to bother with the raising of a small child.

It made you angry; you felt a relentless and almost violently intense need to protect her. From everything ugly and awful and false in this world, even if that meant her own father. He had never treated you right, always gone for nights at a time doing who knows what with God knows who. The pregnancy had been an accident, but his reaction was not what you’d expected. He’d seemed to be on-board at first, but was never there for you during your difficult pregnancy. You thought back to how your muscles had ached as you were on all fours scrubbing the bathroom floor that one Saturday night, seven months pregnant and inconceivably exhausted. He had come home after being gone for two days, reeking of liquor and barely having time to slur out his angry question of what you were planning on making for dinner before he’d passed out on the living room couch.

You had been expecting Lydia’s birth to snap him back to reality, to throw things into perspective for him. But the man you had practically grown up with, together since 18, had missed her birth.

“Got caught up at work,” had been his excuse when he showed up at the hospital the next morning. Even the labor and delivery nurse had thrown him a glare.

When Lydia was 3 months old, you were forced to go part-time at the job you’d loved, the one that could actually lead somewhere. Without Noah’s help, childcare was next to impossible. Your neighbor, Jess, a stay at home mom of three, was kind enough to babysit Lydia with her own children for a few days out of the week, but you felt awful not being able to pay her much, if anything, most weeks.

After over a year of trying, of desperately hoping and yearning for the man you had once loved to be a father to your sweet girl, you’d finally thrown in the towel. Noah had made it clear that he had no interest in being a dad, and in one of his more blacked-out stupors, had even remarked that if the two of you hadn’t gotten pregnant, things would’ve been easier. Better.

Noah had been gone 11 days, his longest absence yet.

You’d packed your minimal belongings, gathering Lydia’s too and putting them into her tiny suitcase with strawberries on it.

Your mom had passed when you were 16, and your dad was very much like Noah. Oh, how patterns repeat themselves. You didn’t have much of a support system to fall back on when shit hit the fan.

The one person you knew would answer if you called was your Mom’s brother, Charlie.

“(Y/N)?,” his gruff, tired voice had come through the phone that early Tuesday morning. You knew it was probably only 4am in Forks, where he was, but he’d still answered the phone.

“Uncle Charlie…,” you’d whimpered shakily, “I-….”

You didn’t even know where to begin. Uncle Charlie had always been so good to you, checking in and asking how Lydia was frequently. He’d been one of the few people you’d called to share the exciting news of your pregnancy with, and had been ecstatic, urging that you come visit him and your cousin Bella as soon as you could.

“What’s goin’ on? You okay?”, His voice had become suddenly alarmed, and you’d heard the shuffling in the background of him getting up and out of his bed.

Leaving with Lydia was something you’d been wanting to do for a while, but you didn’t think you could actually follow through with it. Saying it out loud felt impossible.

“I need your help,” you’d whispered, your voice low and on the verge of breaking.

That was two weeks ago now.

You sat on the soft sand with Lydia, her tiny fingers gripping your leg for support as she pulled herself up, and you thought back to the fear you’d felt that day. Charlie had immediately paid for a plane ticket for you and Lydia to fly up to Port Angeles. He didn’t waste a moment in inviting you to come stay with him. He’d been clearly enraged, barely hiding his distaste for Noah’s behaviors once you’d let the floodgates open and told him everything you’d been hiding for months.

“Jesus, (y/n). I thought you guys were doing good…I thought he was different, honey. I’m so sorry, kid,” Charlie had spoken into the phone after the words pouring from your mouth had finally come to a halt once you’d gotten him caught up on the current status of your relationship with your baby’s father. You hadn’t realized it, but you’d been hiding it from practically everyone. Your cousin Bella texted you often, and she knew some of the details of how absent Noah had become, but even she didn’t know the extent of it. You were a single mother, from the moment Lydia was conceived, you’d accepted that. Noah was never a dad to her.

“Mama! San!” Lydia’s tiny voice shrieked out as she grabbed a fistful of sand and threw it in front of her, some of it spraying in the breeze and landing across your chest and arms. She tentatively waited for your reaction. Her eyes scanned your face, her pink cheeks pulled into an ecstatic smile. You laughed, shaking your head, and wiped the rough granules off of your skin as you nodded at her.

“Yes, sand!” You picked up a handful of it, holding it out to show her and letting it spill through your fingers. She shrieked again, excited by your intentional dropping of the sand, and jumped several times, her little legs barely able to lift her half an inch off the ground.

You’d been down at the beach in La Push almost every day now. You’d gotten settled in to the extra bedroom at the Swan’s house, and you couldn’t help but feel like a burden, so you went out with Lydia often. Charlie and Bella had insisted, several times, that they were grateful to have the two of you. That they didn’t feel burdened by your presence. A toddler definitely wasn’t the quietest or most polite house guest, but Lydia was truly the best thing you’d ever done, and you prided yourself that you’d managed to raise such a good tiny human all on your own.

She was kind, and gentle. She loved animals, she loved making new friends. She watched the world around her with curious and eager eyes, anxious to explore and see and feel. She laughed and laughed and laughed; she was the giggliest baby you’d ever seen.

Bella offered to watch her whenever you needed a break, and you hadn’t asked for one yet. She was practically begging to babysit Lydia at this point, which had surprised even her; she wasn’t much of a kid person.

You didn’t want a break. You were soaking up this time with your little one as much as you could. You felt free, for the first time in a long time.

The beach felt like home now, and Lydia seemed to think so too. Every time you walked with her down the dirt path toward the beach, she would screech and try her best to run towards the glistening ocean. You’d been at the beach now for an hour or two, and you reached into your bag to pull out more baby sunscreen for her.

“Lyd, come ‘ere babe.” You reached out, gently pulling her to you, and her eyes landed on the pink bottle of sunscreen. She knew the drill at this point, and gingerly leaned against you as you rubbed the cream across her tiny little shoulders and arms. She giggled and smiled as the cold sunscreen landed on her skin.

“Eeee!” She cried, slapping her small hands against your leg as she pulled her face away in protest to you trying to spread the sunscreen across her cheeks. She still stood in place though, squeezing her eyes shut and pouting as you rubbed it in.

“Thank you, baby. Such a good girl,” you cooed as you snapped the lid of the sunscreen closed and placed a kiss on the tip of her little nose. You continued to pepper her face with smooches until she was a screeching, giggling mess on the sand, her arms and legs flailing every which way. You tickled her, both of you laughing loud enough for the sound to travel over the noise of the rolling waves hitting the beach.

After the tickle attack came to an end, you grabbed some strawberries and blueberries from your bag, pulling open the Tupperware container and holding it out to Lydia. Her eyes lit up (strawberries are her all time fave) and she eagerly grabbed at the berries with both hands. After several minutes of snacking, her mouth and face was stained pink and red, and her fingers were sticky. The sand was still warm, although the breeze was starting to cool off a bit.

“Let’s walk, yeah Lyddi?,” you asked, getting up from your large towel and brushing the sand off of your legs. She bounced around beside the towel, falling a few times onto the soft sand as she lost her balance. You held your hand out and smiled down at her, waiting for her to meet your eyes. She reached out without hesitation, allowing you to envelope her tiny hand in yours, and let you lead her down towards the water.

You walked across the gentle waves, only going far enough so that the incoming swells flowed across your feet and ankles. With each wave hitting the shore, Lydia giggled and gripped your hand firmly, picking her feet up as quickly as she could to run from the water as it approached, only to run back towards it when it receded. You bent down, releasing her hand to skim the ocean water, wetting your fingers to clean the berry juice from her face.

As you were wiping your thumb across the soft skin of her chin, you saw her eyes flicker to something behind you, down the beach. Her gaze was intent and focused, and you glanced over your shoulder to see what managed to catch her constantly fleeting attention. A group of four tall men coming down the beach, kicking a soccer ball amongst their group. Their laughter was just reaching your ears now, and they were coming close enough that you were able to make out their faces.

They were quite large, and all but one of them were shirtless. The image rang a bell: they looked like they could be some of the Quileute boys you’d heard Bella mention were her close friends. You knew the beach was on the local Quileute reservation, but it’d been relatively empty in the days you and Lydia had been spending there, and you’d only seen random tourists walking along the beach occasionally. Bella had complained jokingly to you that these friends of hers were annoyingly always shirtless, impossibly large and tall, and that her boyfriend Edward wasn’t the biggest fan of them.

You smiled when one of them looked down the beach towards you and Lydia, and he seemed to return a polite smile at first, but his face melted into an odd expression when your eyes met. It was an indecipherable look. A look you didn’t understand.

He stopped walking, his body halting while his friends continued to move down the beach ahead of him. For a moment, it almost seemed like he was about to wave or come towards you, as if he recognized you like an old friend. The peculiar expression lingered for a moment before he pulled his eyes away quickly, and you saw his mouth moving as he seemed to speak swiftly to the men around him. His friends stopped walking as well, all turning to face him with bewildered expressions. The eye contact between you had been longer than a typical interaction with a stranger, but you felt oddly unalarmed. You were struck with an odd sensation that felt like you recognized him too.

He was the tallest of the group, his shoulders wide & strong. His frame was long and lean, and he happened to be the only one wearing a shirt, though it was a black cut off tank that didn’t cover much of his chiseled musculature underneath. You brushed the encounter off as random and probably explainable, trying to ignore the odd and unfamiliar sensation that prickled across your entire body like electricity.

You turned back to Lydia, but her curious eyes were still locked on the group behind you, wonder filling her face. A smile crept onto your lips as you watched her blink, her long lashes framing her wide eyes. She was beautiful. She was always so curious, so interested. Strangers made her nervous, like any two year old, though, which is why you were utterly bewildered when she broke away from your grasp and started toddling down the shore towards the group of men. You shot up from your lowered position, chasing after her.

“Lydia!” you called, your feet picking up pace.

It was amazing just how fast a two year old could be when they suddenly decided they had a destination in mind. You caught her under the armpit just as she almost fell across the wet sand in her run, and your knees hit the soft sand as you almost fell yourself. You panted, holding onto her and unable to stifle back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“What the heck! Lyd-,” you started, looking up from where you grasped her. She was frozen, staring up at something.

She’d managed to close the distance between the two of you and the men, quickly enough that the soccer ball they’d been passing around as they came down the beach was only feet away now. You followed her gaze, and saw two large hands come down to swiftly pick up the ball. Your eyes moved up more still, until they landed on the face of the man you’d just locked eyes with moments before.

His gentle brown eyes were wide, his jaw slack and his expression yet again incomprehensible. You still had a smile on your face, and his eyes flicked down to your grin, the corners of his own mouth lifting up slightly. He gestured toward you with the arm that held the soccer ball.

“You’re, uh, Bella’s cousin?” The sound of his voice was rough and deep. Your grin faltered to make way for the suprised expression that came across your face.

“Oh, uh, yeah! Um, you know Bella?” You asked, taking the brief moment to get back up onto your feet and readjust the flowy fabric of your sundress that had gotten ruffled up in the capturing of your tiny escapee. You still held Lydia’s hand, and she stayed unmoving by your side, watching the tall man with the same awed expression. A grin spread across his face, and his eyes maintained the same electric glow they’d had from the moment you’d looked at him.

“Bella’s one of my best friends, yeah. She’s told me a lot about you…and… uh Lydia, right?” He spoke gently, his eyes glancing down at the tiny human to your right. You looked down at her, too, and she smiled timidly up at the man, stepping slightly behind your leg shyly. You beamed back at him, nodding and running your fingers through the soft silky baby hair on the top of Lydia’s head.

“Yeah, this is Lydia,” you replied, ruffling her hair until a soft giggle fell from her lips.

“I’m Jacob Black,” he glanced beyond him briefly and jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “those are my buddies Quil, Embry, and Jared. You’re (Y/N)?”

You glanced briefly over to the other three men, though they were now immersed in their own mumbled conservation several yards away; one of them was watching you with interest and flashed a warm smile back at you.

You nodded, turning back to Jacob.

“That’s me,” you answered with a shrug and a smile. When you met his gaze again, his eyes were intense, almost pained, his pupils wide. That electric feeling ran through you again. The eye contact between the two of you lingered each and every time it occurred, as if it was an inconvenience to pull away from it for both of you. Jacob knelt down on one knee, tucking the soccer ball under his arm. His eyes only broke away from yours to glance down at Lydia, who was still watching him intently from her place next to your leg.

“Hi, Lydia, it’s nice to meet you,” he murmured gently, “I’m Jacob.”

There was a hesitation, and you were just about to encourage Lydia to say hello to Jacob, but to your surprise she broke away from you once more, ambling across the sand and reaching her arms out towards the soccer ball Jacob held under his arm. In her uncoordinated stumbling over the sand, she started to fall forwards. Before you could even begin to reach to catch her, one of Jacob’s large hands came out in a flash to support her, stopping her mid fall.

“Woah, buddy, careful there!” He exclaimed, a chuckle coming from his chest.

At the sound of his laughter, your baby beamed up at him, her expression suddenly delighted, and after a moment, a giggle erupted from her own little body.

Your eyes widened, shocked as you watched her laugh, Jacob’s large hand still holding her up off the sand. His eyes flickered to you as you broke into surprised laughter as well, and soon the three of you were a giggling mess. Lydia adored making adults laugh. It was the phase she was currently in: to laugh at everything anyone deemed amusing, and it was common that she would even fake laugh to get you to laugh, which would often result in a real fit of hysterics from the both of you

You were astonished that she’d warmed to a stranger so quickly, especially such a large man - a category of human that toddlers tend to decide is terrifying for no reason.

As the afternoon started to bleed into evening, you and Lydia got to know your new friends. Lydia was very opposed to moving away from them, interested in the soccer ball and jumping around in the sand. Jacob continued to stare intently at you every moment that his eyes weren’t required to be on something else, and you didn’t mind it. His energy was warm and gentle, and even his friends seemed to find his behavior entertaining, chuckling and whispering to eachother every time Jacob’s eyes lingered on you for a few seconds too long. You couldn’t help but feel the heat rush to your face with his stares. You hadn’t really felt this noticed by someone, a man, in what felt like forever. And he was absolutely noticing you. He was doing more than notice you. He was ogling at you, drinking the sight of you in like fresh air for a suffocating man. His eyes turned gentle and soft whenever they fell upon Lydia, and he spent the time as the two of you spoke truly attending to her and her endless toddler games, showing earnest interest in the shells she had picked up and started to stack on one of his feet.

“Oooh, wow, now that one’s pretty. Definitely my favorite one yet.” He carefully examined the newest purple shell Lydia had found and handed to him for inspection. She smiled and clenched her fists in excitement, eagerly racing to find more shells in the sand to bring to him.

His eyes slowly found their way back to yours as you sat beside one another. You smiled softly, and he returned it, the smile reaching his eyes and crinkling them gently.

There it was again, that electricity.

Six Months Later

It had been a whirlwind, these past six months. Meeting Jacob Black had changed life entirely for you and your daughter. After that night on the beach, you, Charlie and Bella had visited the Blacks’ home a few times, joining them for bonfires and pizza dinners whenever a hockey game was on tv. Bella seemed adamant that you visit Jacob often, even Charlie seemed surprised with how eagerly she encouraged you to join them and hang out with the Quileute boys. You’d met Jacob’s father, who seemed to welcome you into his family without hesitation within moments of meeting you. He had peered at you with an intensely inquisitive expression, something that reminded you of the odd gut feeling you hadn’t been able to shake…that your new acquaintances were far more interesting than they let on. There was just something about them, and it felt like a secret club you were looking in on, one that caused the hushed, private conversations that seemed to happen frequently in their presence. You’d spoken to Bella about your encounter with her friend right after that first night on the beach. As the rest of that week had passed, Bella had begun acting suspiciously around you. Within days of her odd avoidant behavior, she finally sat you down to tell you things that challenged your perception of the world, forever.

Vampires and werewolves.

Insanity, right?

Bella had explained her relationship with Edward, and you hadn’t believed it at first.

Like, at all. Who would?

In fact, you thought she’d been completely off her rocker, crazy.

That was, until she’d claimed that Jacob had something to do with it, too.

“You need to go talk to Jacob,” she’d urged, “only he can explain what you need to know.”

You’d been absolutely confused, unsure what Jacob Black had to do with anything, especially with this absurd tale of vampires.

“I’ll watch Lydia. Go,” she’d insisted, practically pushing you out the front door. You were insanely curious; you’d never had any reason to question Bella’s mental competence before, and with her frantic efforts to get you to talk to Jacob, you had to know what this was all about. You still of course doubted the absurd story, but wanted to get to the root of the craziness, naturally.

When you’d arrived at the Black’s house, it seemed Jacob was expecting you, and he’d grabbed your hand gently, pulling you towards his little makeshift garage in the back.

You’d spent hours with him that night. Jacob had tried, while his eyes watered and his voice shook nervously, to explain the wildly unbelievable, and yet somehow completely sensical and validating reality of his ancestral destiny.

“I know, (y/n). Please, believe me, I know this sounds crazy,” he’d said as he anxiously paced across the garage, his eyes flashing to your face for your reaction.

You’d shaken your head, trying to connect the dots in your mind. It matched up with the absurd story Bella had told you, only this time he was speaking of wolves, wolves with the instinctual duty to protect from the supposed vampires Bella become involved with deeply. Wolves that were not wolves, but men. Men that included Jacob and his friends.

“Come with me,” he’d finally insisted sternly as you’d silently refused to accept the words he spoke, staring at him dumbfoundedly.

He’d led you outside, to the dark treeline, and placed his hands up in front of him before you could protest.

“Listen, I know this is gonna be hard to see, (y/n). I didn’t wanna have to do this but I need you to understand. There’s so much more to this world than you think there is. Please,” he’d begged, pulling you into a tight hug, his eyes wildly urging yours to listen to him, his shaky voice reducing to a whisper against your hair, “I understand if you never, ever want to be a part of this. But you deserve to know.”

You’d shaken your head, bewildered.

“What are you talking about, Jake?”

He stood back and started to pull his pants down, and your eyes widened, your eyebrow cocking up in confusion. A smile flashed across his lips.

“Remember what I just told you. I’d never hurt you, okay?”

Your mind flickered to the story he’d just spent the last hour telling you, but your brain simply wouldn’t allow you to defy logic to consider the possibility that the man was truly actually about to turn into a wolf.

And yet, you stood there with your jaw slacked open and your eyes wide, your body frozen as he stepped back several feet, his body twitching and trembling and twisting oddly before…

A ripping sound rang out, a wildly violent sound that came from deep within his body. The sound echoed against the trees, before it fell hauntingly silent across the dark backyard. Within less than a moment, a massive red brown wolf was standing before you, his huge head only inches away from your face.

Your mind didn’t comprehend the sight, the reality too unreal and too intangible to wrap around and understand. Those same brown eyes you’d come to know and feel safe in stared back at you intently from the massive wolf’s face.

It was the last image you remembered before you’d fallen to the ground, slipping into a shock driven unconsciousness.

When you’d woken, you had been in Jacob’s bed, an ice pack being gently repeatedly pressed to your forehead and neck.

It had been a rude awakening, but one that had forced open your eyes to a world that quickly became home for you, lifting the veil of reality that you’d come know.

Jacob’s next explanation was that of the concept of imprinting. That night, after you’d settled and moved out of your state of shock, started speaking real words again, Jacob expressed why he felt it was necessary to expose you to his world. He’d explained the ancient way of imprinting, what it meant for him, what it meant for you. That first day on the beach, the way he’d look at you, that electricity. It all made sense now.

“It’s you, (y/n). Now that you’re here, I will follow you anywhere. Even if you don’t want to be part of this, I’ll always protect you and Lydia from afar. Always. I can’t imagine a world anymore without you, a life without you. The moment I saw you, I felt it. My heart was yours,” he’d murmured, his arms around you as he rubbed your back to calm your tremors that had come across your body as you tried desperately to adjust to your entirely new concept of existence.

That felt so long ago, now. You’d met the Cullens soon after you were welcomed into the world of the supernatural, joining Bella in her secretive lifestyle of hiding the direct truth from Charlie, only letting him in on what he absolutely needed to know. Charlie was over the moon that you and Jacob got together; he pissed Bella off with how openly he approved of your relationship with Jacob over hers with Edward. Jacob didn’t feel right having you live in a spare bedroom at the Swan house, and had practically demanded you move into a home on the reservation with him. He’d jokingly insisted that it wasn’t his fault, that the imprint had forced him to need you in his sight at all times. You didn’t resist, elated to finally feel welcome in a home with your Lydia. And it wasn’t hard - Jacob made that incredibly simple. He so openly loved Lydia nearly as much as he loved you. Sometimes, you wondered how deeply the imprinting had impacted him. He accepted it and took it on with respect. He never pressured you to be anything but there, in his life. He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest or even really notice how slowly you were allowing him into your heart. The relationship you had with Jacob had begun as a deep and true friendship, but the imprint connection was impossible to ignore, and there was undeniable attraction you felt for him, even beyond his beautifully kind heart and spirit. You held hands constantly, even before you’d established any sort of romantic connection. The first night Jacob had kissed you, you’d expressed your hesitation at pulling him into your life. You’d gotten used to men not wanting much to do with a single mom, after Noah had made it clear that you and Lydia were essentially a burden in his life. You were scared, not only for your own heart, but for Lydia’s. You couldn’t bear to bring another man into her life only for him to reject her like her father had. But Jacob? He’d adamantly refused to let your anxieties overcome you. He loved you, he’d insisted. All of you. Lydia was part of you. So, he loved her. It was that simple to him. He was often just as anxious when Lydia was out of his sight as when you were.

You remember the first time Lydia had called Jake ‘Dada’, several months after you’d been exposed to this world of fantasy. Lydia had gotten so comfortable with him, more comfortable than she’d been with any person, besides you, before. She babbled with excitement every time she heard you or Charlie or Bella mention him, and begged to see him frequently. Once you’d moved into the small red house with Jacob, she’d jump and squeal every time his truck pulled into the driveway at the end of the day.

That day she first said the word, you’d nervously glanced at his face, searching for his response.

She’d been holding his hand, walking along the shore at La Push. It was winter by this point, but Lydia needed her regular beach walk, and was bundled in her tiny red puffer jacket and white hat. She’d stooped down to pick up a shell, gripping it in her small fist, and jerked her hand out to him, dropping the shell into his hand.

“Dada!” She’d squealed as she waited for his approval of the shell.

His eyes had lit up and an expression of utter shock, which had quickly shifted into ecstatic bliss, moved across his features. His eyes had flashed to yours, and he clearly struggled, with everything in him, to hold back a massive grin. He was unsure of your reaction. Your eyes had melted back at him, and you were completely unable to resist the smile that crossed your lips. His dark eyes had turned glossy, and he’d looked back down at Lydia’s impatiently waiting face as she’d stared up at him, grasping the shell and embracing her in a massive bear hug. She’d laughed and shrieked, wrapping her tiny arms around his neck.

At Lydia’s 2nd birthday party, the whole pack had celebrated with you and Jacob at Billy’s house. The rest of the boys had happily taken on the role of proud uncles, practically fighting over who could hold her whenever you brought her over.

Life was peaceful, and you’d taken on a job at the La Push Farmer’s market. Childcare was a breeze now: on any given day while you were at work, either Sue & Charlie or Emily would eagerly babysit Lydia if Jacob was out on patrol or working his shift as a mechanic at the local bike shop. Lydia now had a family that was larger and more loving than you could have ever dreamed for her.

And you couldn’t ignore the fateful gift that you’d received too. Jacob Black was yours, and you were his. And you knew that, without a single doubt, he’d protect you and your daughter with relentless fervor for the rest of your lives.

You were safe. You were loved.

You were home.

[mazzystar24]

I hope I can ask you this because I don't want to ask in the tags, I'm scared 🥹 but I've seen a lot of discourse about why tommy isn't good for buck, he's cold, the relationship is toxic etc and I was wondering why people think that? Is there anything specific that started it?

I fully believe eddie is buck's true love, endgame, whatever we want to call it and I'm sad we don't have that (yet) but I thought bucktommy was kinda fun in the meantime. I just want to understand 🫶🏻

Oh hey darling! you were so sweet and genuine in your response so please know I’m just answering what I’m asked and if you wanna enjoy and have fun with bt that is completely your prerogative but I’m just offering my perspective on it

And i am warning you this is gonna be long because I feel a constant need to go really in depth in my thoughts

Okay so idk how I’m gonna break this down but maybe I’ll do it in like main points?

Also if you’re new here whenever I use bullet points I’m just doing it cos I find it easier to chunk up my thoughts not cos I’m being curt or anything with you

1. The chimney and hen begins episodes

He wasnt just passive in the episodes and letting Gerard get away with his racist and misogynistic behaviour he ACTIVELY participated in it

This includes:

• Asking if they forgot to tip the delivery guy WHILE THEY WERE EATING CHINESE FOOD when chimney first comes up despite the fact that 1. Chimney had a big ass lafd bag 2. They were probably already told a probie would be coming 3. Probably would’ve seen the actual delivery guy 4. I would bet my absolute life that question would not have been asked if buck or bobby had walked up those stairs this wasn’t an innocent comment it WAS RACIST intentionally like the entire point of the episode was to show how bad they had it

• the New York bitchiness comment

• throwing his tools down along for hen to clean up

• going out of his way to treat them like outcasts and hating chimney before he even knew him despite chimneys efforts

• the way each of them had to “earn his respect” in some way before he acted like a normal coworker to them and this was never in the typical ‘oh it’s a new person’ type of way it always had to do with their race or in hen’s case her gender too

A defence I see a lot for this is “oh he was closeted” and honestly to me that is such bullshit because 1. Eli was perfectly capable of not participating in the racism and taking chimney under his wing without getting any shit for it and chimney is quite literally a Korean man (something he literally can’t hide) and he had just got his head above water with Gerard’s racism when hen came and he STILL was a friend to her 2. Again tommy wasn’t passive in it and just letting Gerrard be racist (which would’ve been one thing) no he actively participated in it to be part of the boys club 3. Let’s say that somehow not being a dick would’ve meant that that was a threat to the closet he was in- that is still in my opinion a fucked up sense of preservation if you spare yourself the possibility of bigotry (despite having inherent social capital by being a white man in that job) by inflicting others to bigotry

Now when Tommy was first reintroduced I was like keeping an open mind and saying okay it’s been a lot of time and maybe he has genuinely made amends because I do believe in redemption but imo they have made no attempt to show us that and had him honestly put more of the blame on Gerrard for his behaviour or the writers flat out avoiding mentioning it to retcon tommy a little and hope we forget

Another defence I see is “oh chimney and hen became friends with him so they must’ve forgave him”, hen went no contact the moment he left (something the writers went out of their way to include that line) and chimney didn’t even invite him to his wedding which was quite big after the Buckley parents got involved so it’s not like it was cos it was such a small and intimate wedding and he only called him as far as we know in those years when he needed a favor, which all means that most likely they had kinda just put it behind them and kept up a coworker relationship with him, but no actual friendship or actual forgiveness or redemption had taken place

Oh wow all that was just point one and I can probably talk more on it but I’ll just leave it with saying that Lou’s comments about it being teasing or how Tommy genuinely didn’t know hen or chimney were capable etc just makes for a worse case than saying it’s cos of being in the closet (and that is genuinely a large part of why idk much abt Lou but those comments are enough to make me hate him) and I’ll also say that poc (myself included in that) have these situations so often- situations even as specific as gay men being racist to them to fit in - and we understand the nuance and shit to it but we also understand on a deep level how it feels to be on the other side of that

And getting toxic bt fans try to come up with ways to downplay or minimise racism honestly pisses me off so much cos believe you me we have heard every excuse and downplay under the sun and I for one am sick and tired of it

2. Why he’s viewed as cold and his jokes

• literally from the small parts we saw of him and Eddie hanging out we have seen the man is in fact capable of joking and being light and having fun but around buck in particular he’s like 🧍‍♂️😐 and the occasional 🙂 like it just feels very stiff and just plain in a way

• his humour consistently falls flat and feels passive aggressive more than anything like blunt or sardonic humour DOES work like I personally love it but it’s not being written OR executed right

A. It’s always in response to genuine moments or questions such as buck talking abt the award or the daddy kink joke or henren questioning him

B. It’s the the majority of what we see from him, there is not enough balance for it

C. Lack of rapport, when friends or couples make jokes that can come off the wrong way if said to anyone else it’s cos of the rapport built already, this rapport is not established with the characters OR with the audience for these jokes to come off right

D. I gotta say this one too but the execution just isn’t right from writing to acting, it’s the same reason sardonic humour lines from Sandra oh as Cristina Yang or hugh Laurie as house still lets you like the characters and find them funny but Tommys lines come off as annoying to a lot of people

3. I think fandom discourse probably has something to do with it but not in the way you think

I’m not saying like oh ppl who ship buddie just hate him cos of the ship no I’m saying that like what takes him from an annoying disliked character to a hated character is most likely the fact that his role stirred so much drama and caused so much damage to how the fandom used to be that its turned the dial up

4. A lot of his development, lore or redeemable factors or cute things are just not canon

This may be blunt and I am sorry for that but I think his character has been blown up to such a degree that it’s genuinely shocking

Like I look at posts or get sent hate and I’m like where did any of this happen this is just not canon this is just not a show like at times I’m genuinely convinced it’s a social experiment where different ppl saw a different show like some spiderman multiverse situation

Listen I’m all for headcanons genuinely like if you wanna take extra number three and make a whole backstory and lore and cute stuff abt her I’m all for it but it’s when it’s said as if it’s fact or canon that I’m like hold up a second rewind

I think this is kinda a result of Lou’s cameos (which honestly deserves its own post but you asked why the tommy hate so imma stay on topic) and also this like need to defend the character but not having much material to work with

Like if we look at canon we can literally break down the entirety of Tommys appearances this far in the show and what we learn about him:

• chimney begins- he makes a racist comment and he tries to suck up to Gerard, there is a little hint abt his gayness with the gf comment, Eli says to chimney that’s just how they are and tries to reason it could be fear of losing friends but we see tommy having friends in the firehouse while eli says this, chimney tries to make friends with him and tommy makes no attempt to get to know him and says he’d hate him anyways, chimney saves Tommys life thus earning his respect

• hen begins- she’s met with the same racism chimney is but also met with misogyny (and homophobia but that’s not relevant to the tommy of it all), we find out chimney is still isolated from the rest despite having earnt that respect, chimney befriends hen and again tommy still doesn’t try anything like that until hen proves herself and earns his respect, ppl reported Gerard but it’s never actually stated tommy was one of those ppl so again that’s not canon that’s speculated

• bobby begins- chimney and hen both seem to be like coworker friends with tommy and Sal, Sal throws hissy fit bobby “fires” him tommy says it’s an overreaction bobby reveals it was a transfer, they all seem to make nice, tommy leaves to 217

• chimney calls tommy for help and tommy helps

• we see nothing from tommy,then cruise ship he helps the team but also in this we find out hen cut off all contact since he left

• buck takes tour of harbour, Eddie and tommy have a friendship and we find out some of Tommys interests and that he was in the army, basketball scene and the subsequent apology and kiss

• dinner date, Tommy explains how he was in the closet, Buck has his little awkward moment (which will be elaborated on in my next point) , Tommy says nothing abt it till the Uber arrives and he leaves buck

• buck reaches out and apologises and asks for a second chance inviting tommy to the madney wedding

• bachelor party and the issue of the lack of costume and not just taking the day off for neither wedding nor bachelor party (which you can reason is reasonable but also I feel like this deserves its point for the narrative choices)

• tommy shows up straight outta work they kiss buck has the soot coming out award ceremony - buck being happy abt the reward to which tommy sardonically says enjoy it while it lasts enter bigoted cunt gerard then chimney comes and insults gerard and they walk away

• we don’t see tommy again till the dinner date after Bobby nearly died and when buck tries to explain Bobbys significance to his life tommy throws the your dad is still alive which is just honestly one of his worst moments imo and I made a whole post abt it but can’t find it and then we all know the rest of that convo and I could make a bullet point for it but actually I made a whole post before so I’ll link it: here

AND THATS IT

Like all this comes down to what maybe like 30 mins screentime? If that?

5. The leaving buck on their first date

The defences people use for this are:

• buck was trying to shove him back in the closet

• buck was obviously not ready

• people angry abt this are just babying buck like he can find his own way home it’s not that big of a deal

• buck was at fault there and tommy would’ve been justified in being angry and not giving him a second chance

And honestly every last one of these are bullshit imo and lemme go point by point

• buck panicked, I don’t think that what buck was feeling in that moment can be properly described because unless you’re a queer person and you’ve experienced that like bone deep panic that like brain overload then you won’t get it

Like one it’s his first queer date

Two he doesn’t even understand his own sexuality atp

Three his closest friend just walked in in a situation that’s already putting him on edge

So he’s not only panicking he’s not understanding why he’s panicking he’s trying to make excuses eventhough part of him knows he doesn’t need one but also he doesn’t even understand this side of himself yet so he doesn’t want to have to potentially explain it

Like it’s a million things and a million emotions and no one can claim they would behave rationally or appropriately in that situation and if you say that you would you’re lying simple as that

Also then we find out that Eddie thought tommy was straight anyways

• the reason I love the buddie coming out scene is because of Eddie’s “and what do you think” line because it’s not up to tommy or anyone else whether a person is “ready” enough in their queerness to date. Full stop.

Also tommy knew it was Buck’s first date with a man and was still down so why is he using that as some sort of out

•it’s not about babying buck and it’s not about him finding his own way home it’s the fact that Tommy could’ve done it with much more grace and he could’ve been a lot nicer with it but he wasn’t, and this is again bucks first date with a man even if it doesn’t end with a second date it should at the very least not end up with him feeling like a screw up on the side of the road

• to the ppl who say that- kindly shut up cos again see the first point but also I wanna point out that somehow the ppl saying this are also the same ones saying that Tommy was justified to be RACIST for a prolonged period of time due to being in the closet yet Buck what? Panicking for a few seconds and being a little awkward? is somehow this giant inexcusable thing

5. The narrative choices with him have been reasonably clear and tbh if they had been made with a woman it would not be up for debate:

• tommy leaves buck on their first date then he comes back and gives buck a chance- we as a fandom have been unanimous in saying for years that Buck’s endgame would be the one that doesn’t leave him cos this pattern has been something we saw over and over with him

• tommy not dressing up- again you can rationalise it but it’s a narrative choice and it’s glaring when contrasted with Eddie suggesting the duo costume

And if we had this scene with Taylor so many ppl would be saying that it’s once again showing that her and Buck’s personalities don’t align

• him being on standby for the wedding and bachelor party- again you can say oh buck invited him last minute or oh he couldn’t taken the day off (which lbr he could’ve he’s not the only firefighter pilot in la) - but again narrative choice

If it was Taylor everyone would’ve been like SEE? Again they’re showing the audience that her work is this looming presence in their relationship

Anyway I’m gonna shut up now cos this is A LOT

I’m so sorry it took me so long to respond tho and sending flowers in apology💐💐💐💐💐💐

Love ya for being so genuine when asking and hope all this didn’t come off too strong and that it was idk helpful?🫶🫶

I realise my response is abt to have toxic bt fans scurry to my inbox like rats to send hate and to that I say go fuck yourselves I’m responding to a question here

[softstarlite]

Se nos rompió el amor

CHAPTER 2

Summary: You thought your love was strong and could conquer everything, I guess you were wrong...

Warnings: implied age gap, talks of pregnancy, angst, mention of options facing a pregnancy.

Rating: +18

Word count: 1.9k

Chapter 1 / Masterlist

Divider by @saradika

A/N: here you guys have the second chapter!! Hope you like it, and let me know your thoughts about it, love you amores <3

You knock on the door of the only person that feels right to go to right now, for various reasons, you know her for starters of course, she lives in an apartment owned by the US government as well, so it is safe, she knows what is like to have problems and arguments with your partner because of their DEA job and she also knew what wanting to protect your child was like.

You knock once more and wait for a few seconds, but the nervousness in you wins this battle and you knock again a little harder now. When Connie's tired and confused face comes into your vision after she opens the door, you can physically feel a weight being raised from your shoulders by the thought of not having to walk the Colombian streets by night all by your own.

Connie says your name as a question “honey, what are you doing here?” that's when she sees your face and sees the tears and the red nose from having blown your snot earlier “what happened? Are you alright?” her arm immediately embraces you and pulls you to the inside of the apartment, guiding you towards the couch.

You cry into her shoulder for a few minutes without needing to tell her why. That's when you hear walking behind you, you look towards the sound and see Steve with tired and a teary eyed Olivia, resting on his hip with her father's hand on the back of her head, who had woken up because of your knocking.

As soon as he sees your crying face he opens his mouth “Is Javi okay?” he asks with a lace of worry and readiness in his voice. You nod your head and he nods back in acknowledgement then he turns around saying “i'll give your guys space…” then he goes to Olivia´s nursery with her to try and put her to sleep again.

“I'm sorry for waking Olivia up, Con” you say between sniffs.

“It's okay honey, she'll get plenty of sleep in her life and she would have probably woken up in half an hour by herself, she's teething” she tells you while she rubs your upper back in comfort. She doesn't push you to talk about what is happening or why you are in their apartment at this ungodly hour.

After some minutes of you crying and sniffling with her comforting you, you blurt it out “I'm pregnant Con…”

You turn your head over your shoulder when you feel her hand freezing on your middle back, you see the surprise look in her eyes and how her mouth is open like she wants to say something but the words don't come, instead she embraces you, cradling your head in her hand like a mother would do.

“Oh honey…” she almost whispers so low that you don't hear her over your sobs.

You stay in their apartment for two days, making Steve swear that he wouldn't say a word to Javier about it, talking non stop about your possibilities from her nurse perspective, about what you want to do and how to do it.

The late afternoon of the second day is when you make your way downstairs on the apartment building and enter your shared one with Javi. When your gaze looks up from your hands opening the front door, a surprised squeal comes out of your mouth and your key free hand comes to your chest, over your heart. You weren't expecting Javi to be there on the couch, his back perched into the back of it, his fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose and a glass of whiskey in his hand. As soon as he hears the front door closing behind you, his gaze meets you and in less than two seconds, he's putting the glass on the coffee table, standing and striding towards you.

You let him take your face between his hands but you can't bring yourself to meet his gaze, he wasn't supposed to be here, he never is at this hour.

“Tesoro, oh my god, you´re fine” he says with relief, his eyes going over all your features “I'm so sorry for everything i said mi amor, hablemos tranquilos por favor (let's talk calmly please)”

Before he has any chances of making you doubt your already made decision, you take his wrists in your hands and look into his eyes “Javi, i'm here to pick up my things…” you see hope leave his eyes and pain come to them.

“What?! No, tesoro, no, you can't. I was drunk and work has been hell lately, that was all, we can talk, we can fix it” he says while his eyes travel from one eye and then the other of yours again and again.

“I've already bought a ticket for the states…” you say with guilt, even if you knew that what you were doing was for the best “you´re welcome to join us” you continue talking when you see the desperation in his face “but i already know what your decision is going to be…” which makes you feel even more heartbroken.

“Tesoro, you-you know i can't walk away from all of this” you knew he was talking about the narcos not the pregnancy “I need to finish this” he indirectly pleads with you to stay, trying to reason why you should.

“And you should know that i have to walk away from all this” you finally pull his hands away from your face; once they're back at his sides, you release them like they're hot iron “I can't raise a kid or even just have it while being surrounded by so much violence, and not only outside of this apartment but also in it, you´re angry all the time because of the violence outside of this safe place. Javi, lately i´ve been living with a person that when he's not angry, he's an emotional ghost…”.

Before he has any opportunity to respond to you, you walk fast towards the bedroom; you pull a suitcase from under the bed and you start to fill it with clothes and other necessities. Javier appears on the doorway of the bedroom, his eyes follow your every move around the room, he wants to say anything that would make you stay, but even his heart is telling him that you´re doing the right thing. By the way you expressed your plans, he knew you had already your mind set on having the baby, and if that was your decision, he supported it and he even supported even more your decision of wanting to get that baby away from all the violence; but the part of him that loves you from the very moment his eyes landed on you that day on the market, can't even fathom the idea of living day by day without your presence everywhere around his, that part wanted to be selfish and convince you to stay. He didn't even consider the possibility of leaving the DEA and going with you, it just wasn't an option, it was so important for him to put Escobar behind bars or a bullet between his eyes, he needed for his sacrifices and violence to have a meaning…

“Where are you going?” he asks with a colder tone now, not sure if it was as a way of protecting his heart or yours by making your decision easier for you.

He knew you had left the states when your last living relative, your dad, died; you sold his house, put his belongings in an storage unit and then started your travels around the world, you had been in a few countries before coming to Colombia, and you had planned to stay here just for a month before you met him and you both fell for each other, he was the one that flirted his way through the embassy to get you a visa to stay in the country with him when you made the decision to stop your travels to be with him.

“I'm…I'm going to Laredo…” you say, stopping your packing to look at him. “I've already book a hotel for a few days while i look for an apartment there, i thought that it would be better for the baby to be close to the only close relative they'll have apart from us…” you have already met Chucho before, you and Javier had travel to Laredo once when the embassy forced him to take some days off because they didn't want to face a problem with HR; you had loved the old man, so similar to the man you love in many ways, and his presence always made you feel like having a paternal figure close that reminded you so much of your own father… Since then you have responded to many calls that were originally direct for Javier from his dad but that turned into at least an hour of you talking with Chucho.

Javi shakes his head immediately “No, hermosa, no te vas a quedar en ningún apartamento (no, beautiful, you´re not staying in any apartment). I'll call pops and you´ll stay on the ranch, that way if you need anything or something happens, i'll know that pops is there”

You´re the one shaking your head now “Javi, I don't want to trouble your dad, no sería justo (it wouldn't be fair). This is my mess, I'll deal with it” you finish putting the last item that fits the suitcase and then you close it.

You hear him scoff then say “Tesoro, that man has been asking me for a nieto or nieta since i turned 30 and he also loves you already like a daughter, he'll be thrilled to hear about…your state” he clears his throat “but even more to have you on his house. He won't be that thrilled with me though” he says the last part in a whisper to himself.

You´re conflicted with the offer but when your mind debates it, you only think of your future kid and how it would be better for them to have as many people that love them close to them. That's when you nod and say “okay, while i stay in the hotel, that i´m not wasting away after already paying for it, i'll go visit him and we'll talk, okay?” you don't even know why you want to ease him, you should be infuriated with him, not only for what had happened two days ago but also for the fact that he was deciding to leave you and your kid by yourselves.

He nods and that's when you pick up the packed suitcase and start to walk to leave the apartment, refusing his help with the luggage when you walk past him. You make it to the front door, with you hand on the doorknob, you turn your head towards him and he gives you a encouraging small smile that you answer with a firm nod, then you turn back to the front door and finally leave.

That's how yours and Javier´s worst part of your lives start.

Next chapter

[raygirlramblings]

OK so I had enough interest in my new CLH AU concept to actually put it to paper so here we go :3

I call it 'Orphans of Eden' AU

What IF instead of being found and taken in by Alex after getting away from the military, Dolph is instead helped by Jade and Pey'j?

This AU takes more influence from beyond Good and Evil where Pey'j and Jade run a business while also taking in and caring for orphaned mutants in Eden. See Eden basically manufactures mutant kids to become labour for the city and most are raised in compounds. it's not a great life but the kids are fed and get basic schooling (and access to plenty of kids tv featuring our favourite limbless shill!). But mutants born with birth defects or who are considered 'worthless' tend to get quietly shuffled off to be 'disposed of'.

Jade and Pey'j are part of an underground network (maybe loosely connected to Holloway's group?) who 'steal' these vulnerable kids and care for them, then find the means to ship them out of Eden to safety. In the meantime Pey'j runs a small restaurant/take out place as a front to fund the care of these orphans (I'm thinking like a noodle shop or something, like Nikaido's gyoza shop in Dorohedoro). Jade makes a little cash on the side investigating Eden's crimes and doing freelance jobs for the rebellion.

So a younger Jade and Pey'j stumble on a passed out Dolph and take him in despite the fact Pey'j recognises him as a soldier. They nurse him back to health and invite him to stay with them (and help Pey'j out with the restaurant) until he can figure out what he wants to do. Dolph agrees having no real plans of his own, and starts to be shown the dark underbelly of Eden from a different perspective.

Dolph becomes the cool big brother to all the kids being fostered. He and Jade develop a dorky brother/sassy little sister relationship with Jade teaching him some basic life skills to help him on the rough Eden streets. Pey'j, seeing Dolph as a musclehead with no experience outside of the military takes on a more fatherly role, teaching Dolph basic restaurant skills. Dolph discovers a love for cooking and his ability to maintain his cool in tough situations makes him a great line cook. He still has to maintain a low profile to avoid Eden's police force so he stays back in the kitchen most of the time.

Thanks to his time with them Dolph discovers what it means to have a family network, and how to show compassion to the most downtrodden in society. The mutant kids adore him and he strives to be a role model and stay strong for them. It's not easy looking after little kids in a nightmarish corporate hellscape, but this Au would explore the trials and tribulations of finding enough to survive, using every skill and favour you have access to. That may involve taking on a few risks for the best rewards ;)

There also might be a side plot where Dolph is attempting to track down his mother using his new connections, trying to find out if he's truly an orphan.

So how do the other characters from the show fit into this AU? I'm still making links here and there but I have a few guidelines laid out.

Bullfrog - Still a badass assassin. He's generally doing his own thing but his stealth abilities and knowledge of Eden are vital in preparing safe routes for the orphans to get out. When it's time to ship one of the orphans to a new safe home Bullfrog is there as a personal bodyguard. Obviously the kids love him, though his visits are few and far between. He likes to brings the kids stories and gifts from his adventures ^0^

Rayman - Despite being Eden's number 1 poster boy Rayman is vital to the orphan's safety. Before Jade and Pey'j meet Dolph the pair manage to get the attention of Rayman thanks to Holloway and Bullfrog. Rayman is still very much invested in the wellbeing of Eden's youth and is horrified when Jade provides him photographic evidence of the cruelty subjected on mutants by Eden. Instead of going rogue however he instead becomes a double agent for the resistance. While maintaining his good standing with Eden he uses his connections from within to find pathways out of Eden for he kids, disguised as drug deals. Eden just think Ray is getting his weird fixes, but instead he's using similar networks to smuggle the kids out of the city with Bullfrog's help. It's tough as Eden is constantly breathing down his non-existent neck but Ray is determined to do right by the kids who look up to him. He keeps his distance from them and he and Jade communicate through codenames.

Holloway - While not directly involved with the orphanage Marcus finds Jade's espionage and investigation skills invaluable. In return for information he assists her and Pey'j getting mutant kids out of Eden's clutches, and forwards them resources where he can. While Pey'j is super wary of him Jade sees Marcus as a valuable ally, and when Marcus finds out about Dolph he becomes even more invested in the potential of having an ex-Eden cyborg on their side to take down the powers that be.

I haven't figured out much else beyond this yet, but obviously if anyone has input I'd love to hear it!

Keep in mind this would take place earlier than the show timeline, at the point where Dolph would have met Alex and long before Sarah would form the Ghosts.

[dreamwreaver]

When the pilot first dropped, I was a teen who shipped Chaggie only because it was canon and it was cute. But now that I'm older and watched the series, I realize how... simple and dare I say it, flavorless this ship is. They don't have that much in common, I can't really think of at least 3 things they have the same interest in. Their viewpoints are different and sometimes it can really broaden the perspectives of the couple for the better, but for Charlie and Vaggie, it only serves to clash in a way that doesn't amount to a lot in the long run, considering how Charlie often disregards Vaggie's caution and Vaggie shuts down most of Charlie's ideas. Not to mention that the whole "exorcist reveal" was poorly handled and did no service to their characters, only butchering these two further.

For me, I cannot see Vaggie providing any essential and substantial development to Charlie's growth in the series because of how bad the show makes her out to be only the love interest. Also, what is Vaggie's purpose to the hotel and for redemption as a whole? Simply being the manager and supporting Charlie doesn't really help much especially when she seems not to care all that much aside from her girlfriend. She cannot relate with all these sinners she was originally tasked to kill because she is most likely a heavenborn angel so what can she offer?

While I don't ship Chaggie anymore, I wish the show would take this ship seriously. They are doing their fans a disservice by failing to make their main pairing mean something more than scoring sapphic points.

My sweet nonny, you took the words right out of my mouth. Like, I feel that most charlastor shippers don't have an actual issue with chaggie being canon in and of itself, they have a problem with it being canon and yet it not meaning anything. Which isn't to say shows can't have main characters with stable queer relationships going on in the background. I think Kipo and the wonderbeasts did it? The new She-ra DEFINITELY did that, Steven Universe walked, and I'm guessing had it not been canceled after like 2 seasons Ok Ko let's be heroes would have developed lord box man and processor venemous' relationship in the background with major plot points being their on and off again dynamics (side note please watch it it's made by Rebecca sugar's spouse and it's so good!)

The problem with chaggie, is that they're BOTH main characters. Charlie is essentially the titular protagonist. Vaggie is one of the core six. Them being together in a relationship can be casual while not being missable. Let's look at a straight example of this being done right; Kim Possible. Nothing about Kim and Ron's dynamic as friends/heroes changes once they're in a relationship. Sure, fears and concerns that drive plots change, but the fundamental characters and dynamics do not. Moreover, we see the casual displays of affection between them that definitely indicate they're not just friends. (Then again KP did an awesome job of establishing that Kim and Ron both have this weird attachment to each other long before they got together. They had an official Kim/Ron night on Fridays).

Chaggie at least as far as season 1 is concerned, is not the focus. And yes, I know, "it's only 8 episodes!" Okay, but tell me if every episode counted why did we have one focused on introducing the Vees? Why did we have an entire episode focused on Huskerdust? These are not complaints in and of themselves but it makes you wonder when the big season 1 plot twist is that Vaggie's been an Angel the whole time.

You're also right about Vaggie not... really having a place there? She's just kind of there, and it's very glaringly noticeable. She's manager in name but Alastor handles all the facilities work and is by his own admission (believable or not) that he's there to watch people fail for his own entertainment, Charlie's the one involved with lesson planning and activity development and she certainly doesn't lack for cash to fund the place, Husk and Nifty both have positions within the hotel but are very obviously only there because of Alastor. Angel and Pen are guests. So what does Vaggie actually do besides wrangle sinners and tell Charlie no?

And part of why I'm so annoyed by this is that I think everything we do know about Vaggie's character could make her super compelling if it wasn't so heavily dependent on Charlie. A fallen angel and former exorcist who was cast out because she did the right thing rather than follow orders? Awesome! Injured in the process losing both her wings and eye? Badass! Believes that people can better themselves long after the lives they've lived? Cool! Is constantly fighting against her own self hatred and projects that out onto other people without meaning to? Feels she's utterly useless if she's not being of service to someone or something? Like this is barely scratching the surface but it's all there and it's all super interesting!

Except for the fact that tying it to Charlie negates all of it. Vaggie doesn't seem to have a character outside of Charlie, which is why they aren't really separated. Think about it, even when Vaggie's confronting Carmilla is on Charlie's orders. And while I'm sure vaggie always means well, her way of helping Charlie involves Charlie changing herself to be more acceptable to others. Alastor's way of helping Charlie involved him bringing her to a place where he knew her natural inclinations would actually be welcomed with open arms.

Alastor and Charlie just make too much narrative sense to not be together. They're foils, dark reflections, and they have so much chemistry it's honestly insane. People said that shippers got shafted when dad beat dad came out but all I saw was the greatest "your daughter calls me daddy too" joke of the last like 20 years. Alastor, who is canonically only in people's spaces to piss them off, who makes even his closest female friends wait for permission to touch him, both climbs over Charlie like ivy on a brick wall and lets her touch him on prompted without recoiling. Alastor always offers something useful to Charlie, even if he delivers it in an insult, and more importantly; not once has he ever laughed at her. He wants to guide her and watch her reach her full potential; malicious intent or not he's in it for the long haul. Again I say this not to bash on Chaggie but to emphasize how WEIRD it is that there's this dynamic isn't present in the canon ship.

I'm with you on your last point nonny, I can not actively ship chaggie and want better for it. I cannot tell you the rage that filled my body when I watched the last episode and saw that out of 8 episodes Chaggie got 1 30-second song and not only was it a REPRISE it was a reprise of the FATHER-DAUGHTER SONG!!! If that creative decision doesn't tell me everything I need to know about the ship's treatment going forward, I don't know what would.

[gaelfox]

Ok, so I was just going to stay quiet watching you talk about Law again after a time. But now I have read something it's getting on my nerves..

What if Cora is alive?

Suddenly, this theory seems to have catch the internet again after so long but honestly? I don't quite believe it.

I have read @/1000sunnygo theory here o Tumblr, but I would like to see an Trafalgar Law specialist talking about the case, if you may.😎

Woooooheeeeee thank you for the ask and MORE reason to keep talking about Cora and Law! I ADORE the "What Ifs?" I see of the world. Hell even Disney/Marvel published their own little thought experiment that leads to so many new and uncharted waters when it comes to the construction of an overall story and universe. Would Law be the same person if Cora lived? Would he have stayed on Swallow Island, met with Wolf, Shachi, Bepo and Penguin? Would Cora have taken him further into Navy protective custody now that he had a target on his back with the Op-Op Fruit? (...would the Gorosei even allow him to live after that, knowing what we know now?)

AH. So many ideas, just from surviving his injuries! So. After reading @1000sunnygo 's analysis (Which, I absolutely *love* how they put in the time to add in panels and images to support their statements) I have to agree with the points they've made for both sides of the argument. Overall, I do not personally believe that Cora is Alive. (But, as we've seen, Oda has left enough room in the story if he wants to bring him back for whatever reason, he can and will and I will not complain about it) I'm gonna take a little bit of a different look on this than the points previously mentioned that are within-universe, and instead tackle this from a literary standpoint. Let's ask these questions: 1. Why was Cora introduced to this story? 2. Has he fulfilled this purpose? 3. Will his presence later fulfill something that has yet to be explained/fulfilled? So let's talk about #1. Why was Cora introduced to One Piece? We probably won't ever know truly unless we actually ask Oda himself -- but Cora can arguably fit best as a Catalyst of sorts - character-wise, he's the reason why Law behaves and acts as he does, as well as puts the entire Arc of Dressrosa into perspective of how Doffy came into Power, Law's place in it, and acts as a sort of nice glue that ties everything in that arc together. If you remove Cora from this story, that story does not exist. There is no inner journey of healing, there is no misdelivering the missive to Vergo, and you could even argue Law maybe(?) is given the Op Op fruit by Doflamingo once they obtain it, who raises him to be his right-hand man as planned and BOOM. Law is now a villain. A villain who maybe even dies from the Perpetual Youth surgery before he ever gets to where we are now -- the What Ifs just snowball from there. Cora is the Sacrificial Lamb. Cora is the Catalyst which frames Death as a Sacrifice for the Greater Good, as an Act of Love, for Law to have a chance and for him to understand that. While Cora swore up and down that he should never try to put reason into love, Cora is the one that Gives Everything and gives Law's live the ultimate value simply because he unapologetically existed. (Of course, and to make sure that Doffy's plan wasn't fulfilled, but we're talking character growth here, and I personally believe that Cora's actions were framed equally both by his mission and his want for Law to thrive.)

Cora's role as a Marine was, if I remember correctly, was to act as a mole in Doflamingo's plan, relate that info back to the marines, and keep tabs on dangerous activity. So, that leads us into #2 - has is current presence in the story done its job? Overwhelmingly, yes. Law is who he is because Cora's death. His entire action and reason for going to Dressrosa was realized. He confronted, and won, against Doflamingo, brought him down, and "gave back" to Cora what he'd sacrificed so many years ago. Dressrosa is free. Law is Free. And lastly, #3, arguably where most of the "what ifs" are now being speculated. Let's say, if Cora was alive...why? What value does it add to the story now? One could say "Well, if would give Law a chance to say Thank You for Everything, and have a cathartic closure". That...kind of already happened in One Piece Odyssey -- if Oda was going to do this later, why even add it in the game as a beta test if he was planning something later? We argue the canonical viability of spin-off media all the time (and many, many series have heavily canonical events mentioned in passing in obscure media .... *cough cough Kingdom Hearts* ) but between the movies, books, and other publishing, Oda has made it pretty clear that generally whatever he touches has a specific purpose to the overall plot. "He could be part of Sword/Acting on his Own/Letting Law Act as His Own Man" Do I honestly believe that Cora, who wanted nothing more for Law to Live and Be Free, would idly sit back and allow him to put himself in as much danger as confronting his Brother? 13 years later? Was his job as a marine not to allow the seizure of Dressrosa to happen? These things, I believe, are only allowed to spiral out of control because Cora wasn't there to stop them. Would he have secretly gone back quietly to the marines? We already have the Fresh Bloods of the Marines (Koby, Helmeppo and the gang) already spearheading the new generation in -- what value would adding Cora back in there serve? Does Cora's presence in the future add anything to the overall plot of storytelling? Maybe as an ally in the final fight, an additional resource in the Marines or as a fruit user -- but truthfully, every other reason I can think to bring him back has either already been addressed or just...doesn't add any additional unique value. Law's story with him feels completed, he has done what he was brought in to do, and its not him but his legacy that is carried on by Law that's a huge part of the whole "Inherited Will" that One Piece has as part of a huge theme.

Now, would I be happy if Cora suddenly showed back up? YOU BETCHA.

[sibylsleaves]

This isn't a Buddie established relationship ask so feel free to ignore this but I'm curious...what do you see Buck and Tommy eventually breaking up over? Or what would you want them to break up over?

anon do you want to get me killed

no, i'm totally kidding, this is an interesting question! and im sure everyone is going to be completely normal about me answering it right guys

(under a cut for length)

I think if I'm being super honest, my #1 choice would be Eddie. Both for Buddie reasons and for established narrative reasons--Eddie has been haunting the narrative of BuckTommy, so to speak, since the beginning and it makes a lot of sense to me that it would come back around to him in the end. In 7x04, Tommy says it was "never his intention" to come between Eddie and Buck. He also says Buck "isn't the only one" who can get jealous. In 7x05, Eddie says "this doesn't change a thing between us." Maddie in 7x05 also says that line about "if there's something you need to tell Eddie, you will in your own time."

Right now these are just lines that mean what they mean at face value BUT they are also ripe with potential to be foreshadowing for an eventual break-up/Buddie feelings realization arc. I do think the Bi Buck arc/Tommy arc in general is an excellent catalyst for Buddie feelings realization because. well. it DOES change the equation in a fundamental way. And it's like. slow burn romance 101 to have one character pining over the other while they're in a relationship, so. the stage has been set.

But what form that takes exactly, idk. If I'm the one in charge, I think I'd want Eddie feelings realization -> pining while Buck is with Tommy -> separate Buck feelings realization -> break up with Tommy -> mutual pining for a while -> eventual Buck confession -> they get together. With like some more messy fun things thrown into the mix idk.

I'm less enthused but still intrigued by a Tommy realizes BEFORE Buck arc leading to a break up. I think it makes sense as an echo of Buck's bi realization--Tommy was the catalyst there and it wasn't until he kissed Buck that Buck came to terms with his feeling so I do like the narrative parallels there.

But from a character perspective I think I just really want Buck to get there on his own because one of his prevailing character flaws is that he just kinda...does not know what he's doing or what's happening in his brain ever. He says to Connor and Kameron in season 6 that he "doesn't know what he wants." and in 7x05 he says to Tommy he "doesn't know what he's ready for." And Maddie says in 7x05 that Buck "isn't sure of his own feelings yet." So. I'd like to see a growth where he IS sure of his feelings, where he DOES know what he wants and what he's ready for, and is able to take the initiative and be the one to break things off with Tommy (learning from his mistakes with Taylor/Lucy).

If it's not Eddie (or perhaps Eddie is just PART of the equation) then I think it could go a couple different routes. Route 1 would be a fundamental incompatibility, something like...idk. Tommy not really taking Buck seriously as a partner. This would kind of harken back to their first date (and also to Buck's relationship with Abby) and Tommy cutting out because he thinks Buck "isn't ready."

Or maybe they break up because they don't want the same things in life. I've said it before with other Buck relationships on the show but I would actually love to see an amicable break up because Buck wants kids and his partner doesn't. As Buck gets older, I REALLY would love for the show to really delve into his desire for family/kids, and this particular storyline I don't think I've ever seen portrayed. And it's a very normal reason for a couple to break up!

Or maybe Tommy has to move away for a Cool Helicopter Job and Buck contemplates moving with him. Maybe he even decides he will. But then something Happens and at the last minute he realizes he can't leave his family and that his home is in LA and he has to let Tommy go. This would give me a lot of found family feelings so 🥺

Or maybe they end up together and there's no break up arc. Anything could happen tbh.

[bluemoonscape]

While I'm on my Hannibal essay bullshit, here's a copy/paste (plus images) from a response I had to this post that I wanted to get out there in its own post regarding the symbolic differences between the stag and the stag man:

I interpret the main difference as one representing Will’s Becoming and the other representing Will slowly learning Hannibal’s darkness—and then his humanity.

The stag initially appears as a symbol for Will’s “madness” due to his encephalitis in Season 1, with the scene of the antlers on fire being the most obvious indicator to me as well as how he seems less in control of it in this season. He sees it wandering around and he’s afraid of it. He’s afraid of what he’s seeing and why. He’s unable to control its actions. It’s out of his hands.

But in Season 2, he gains control of it. In the dream he has of killing Hannibal, he uses the stag to achieve this end. When he’s in the head of Randall Tier, the stag is with him and once again, it kills on his command.

What was originally madness, a frenzied spiral into darkness with no say in where he landed, becomes more of what I view as a “controlled descent” in Season 2. He is fully aware of his actions. He often seems to excuse his darker actions and inclinations “I need to do this because ____” blank being any number of things such as his job, a “righteous” purpose, his seduction of Hannibal to catch him, or Hannibal’s own seduction of him and influence on him. I think that could be why the stag sometimes feels confused with a symbol of Hannibal. It’s Will, but he’s not telling himself that. He’s trying to convince himself it isn’t his nature. He HAS to do it. He doesn’t enjoy it. He needs to tell himself he doesn’t enjoy it.

As for stag man, Wendi darling, that’s been explained really well in recent posts, but to lay out my thoughts, it’s Will’s association for Hannibal moving forward and backward, the teacup shattering and then coming back together. He doesn’t see it until about the end of Season 1, during the scene where he confronts Hannibal and is shot in the shoulder by Jack:

Before then, it’s the stag. In the “did you just smell me?” scene, Will’s intuition is trying to tell him in his compromised mental state what Hannibal is. The stag statue is directly linked to him seeing the stag, and the stag is his own darkness steadily being stripped bare by Hannibal’s influence on him, which he doesn’t yet recognize. Only when he unravels the truth of Hannibal’s darkness does he see the stag man, and as mentioned, he doesn’t see it anymore after Mizumono. After Hannibal’s betrayal of Will in S1, Will convinces himself (understandably) that Hannibal doesn’t care about him. He’s using him. He was never his friend and all he wants from Will is a show, wind him up and watch him go. Mizumono proves him wrong on a fundamental, inescapable level. He wasn’t aware of the humanity and love Hannibal could possess until that moment, so his view of him as a monster shatters the moment he recognizes it. What I love about each season finale is how every final episode can represent a new crucial realization in Hannibal and Will’s relationship; S1 is Will realizing Hannibal’s darkness, S2 is Will finding Hannibal’s humanity again in the cruelest of circumstances, and S3 is him reconciling the two and letting himself accept both—letting himself accept Hannibal and himself as an extent.

This is largely open to interpretation, but those are my thoughts on the stag vs. the stag man and what they represent in the story. We watch the show from Will’s perspective, a notoriously unreliable narrator, so it makes sense that associations would get mixed up in his head, causing the viewer to become confused, too. That said, they are two distinct entities in the story and represent two distinct elements in the story: Will’s Becoming in relation to his bond with Hannibal and Hannibal’s darker traits juxtaposing his humanity, as viewed through Will’s eyes...

...hence why they can often be seen in direct opposition to one another, like the dream sequence in Shiizakana.

[tothefiniteyou]

Something that's been in my head a while concerning the brothers and their "roles", so to speak. This is meant to be about the original Mirage comics, but applies to 2003 and IDW as well. Potentially 2012, maybe more. I don't remember the exact issues, but this WILL contain spoilers for IDW and the original comics.

Raph is the one that takes on the responsibilities no one else does/wants to. He very often has to play the part of the bad guy because his convictions are more rebellious in comparison to what Splinter teaches them, core beliefs and rules that Leo in particular takes to heart. Raph keeps his family in line through his anger, for better and worse, being the one of tough love. In volume 1 of Mirage when they retreated from New York after Leo was almost killed, he calls his brother a coward for not "finishing the job" and goes off to face the Shredder alone. He almost got killed because of his impulsiveness, yes, but Leo's always been about saving his family. So really, he had the courage to face Shredder again because it was for someone else's sake. Their whole fight was kind of gruesome and full of harsh words, but at the end of it all, Leo thanks Raph for it. It's very interesting to me. It shows that Leo, even if he was originally mad, understands that his brother was only doing it because he was scared of his family being hurt again. He sees that it was for his own good, so he expresses gratitude.

Alongside that, I've said before that it's not that Raph wants to be the leader because of the title itself, but rather that he wants freedom, and for others to listen to him. He resents Leo for holding him back, not fully understanding his brother's reasoning. He focuses more on action and less on the consequences of said actions and choices.

In essence, Raph is often the one that has to do the dirty work. His parentification in Rise is even similar to this, having to parent his brothers and be the one to tell them "no", even when it isn't his responsibility. But if no one else is going to do it, then he has to be the bad guy, even if his brothers resent him for it. At his core, he always has his family in mind, even if the execution is flawed.

Raph being thought of as the shield has always felt right to me, as shields can still be used to hurt.

On to Leo - Leo is a very existential person, and that also makes him the most spiritual. Kind of a yin and yang ordeal, with him seeing how there's a balance to things. (I would also say that he needs to assign a purpose to everything, if only to rationalize bad things. It's sort of why he has a bit of a crisis in several iterations when Splinter isn't there to guide him). He's the most "warrior-like" because of the way he values life and honors things like bushido. He'll kill to protect, but that doesn't make him callous, just "strong" (putting this in quotes for multiple reasons). I think IDW tackled this quite lovely, especially when he goes on to have a greenhouse just full of life.

However, I can't say all of this without mentioning the fact that Splinter's teachings are often flawed. I've said before that a lot of Leo's major "arcs" and "growing up" is about becoming his own person and leader, and that's still very much true. Blind Sight is my favorite story to have come from the original comics, and I think it really puts into perspective how Leo struggles to see himself as anything but a weapon. It's that bad habit of his where he must assign purpose to everything, struggling when proven wrong or having to recontextualize things. There's so much more I want to say about him and his role, but a lot of it would be reiterating my points from this post. I struggle to call Leo the sword of the team considering his words to Mikey about how, if he were to throw his katana off the roof, would that be the same as throwing himself. But in Blind Sight, he does learn that he's more than just some sword for his father to wield, and that a sword not only hurts, but protects.

People infantilize Mikey wayyyy too much in this fandom for just being the youngest, which makes me have to pick and choose my words very carefully for fear of the wrong impression. He's definitely the goofball that tends to not take things as seriously, but I think something that The Last Ronin meant to emphasize is that his "raw talent" is from a place of love. It's not that he's not the best of them all just because he lacks focus, it's that he's never seen a reason for him to have to be a warrior like that. Surrounded by his brothers, he doesn't have to try so hard. He'll watch their backs and they'll watch his. He's got the same warrior's spirit as the others, it's just that he rejects some of those teachings in his own way? Raph is often seen as the contrast to Leo, and that's typically true, but I think Mikey can be as well... In a way, Mikey has the most ties to humanity, and that's why I think he's similar to Leo in some ways. Not to say the brothers don't have humanity, but... It's so hard to word what I mean, bear with me.

Being a better warrior kind of means losing his fun-loving and go with the flow nature. He would be less like Mikey. Not to say that being good at fighting exactly equates to being deadly, but that's always a possibility, you know? IDW Mikey is such a good balance and blend of his little shit characterization and his more empathetic side. When he's the first to leave and reject Splinter's ways in IDW, this shows what I mean with him being more strong than Leo's way of being considered strong. He might not be "the best", and he might not tap into his raw talent that several characters mention, but I don't think that's what he necessarily wants. Splinter's idea of strong isn't necessarily the best.... Hopefully this section makes sense and my point gets across that Mikey is both the heart and armor of the team.

And as for Donnie... Oh boy! He has to use a gun in the original comics and actually be the one to kill (since only Raph and Leo really did that from what I can remember), and it shakes him up SO BADLY... And volume 1 just ends with him not choosing to go back to the sewers with his brothers, but to stay on the farm with Splinter for a bit. This is quite a finishing scene after ending a whole war within the city...

Donnie doesn't love his brothers any less, it just goes to show that he's never wanted to be the one to have to kill, and maybe wasn't prepared for it. While Mikey is definitely a pacifist, you can argue that Donnie is more of one. Him wielding the bo even supports this idea, as it can still be deadly, but not as lethal as his brothers' weapons. He's a very soft-hearted person that prefers to invent and give life to machines.

I hate when people think he's any less skilled in fighting than his brothers, because that's wrong! He just doesn't like violence and, dare I say it, I don't think he ever wanted to be a warrior in the same way. His intellect is a mightier and more useful weapon to him, because he can use it to keep others safe and make machines that can do all sorts of things. He'll fight to protect, same as the others, but disarming is more of his goal in the end. This makes Donnie, at least to me, both the brains and armor for the group. He's more than that, but... something something, things falling apart when Donnie is missing in SAINW.

At the end of it all, something you have to remember about all of them is that, even when they grow older, they started out as nothing more than child soldiers cultivated for the sake of revenge. Killing was always in the books, but they all have a different role on the team, and killing wasn't meant to be Donnie's. He helps with plan-making and would probably rather be support than a tank, if that makes sense.

They're heroes but but but. They're just kids, too...........Gripping my head

[sokkastyles]

ATLA Live Action Ep 1 Thoughts:

When the writers meant they wanted it to be like game of thrones, clearly they meant "we want the battles to happen in complete darkness so nobody can see what is going on," and not, you know, the sex stuff.

Idk why this never occurred to me until now but ostrich horse is chocobo.

They are clearly going for a darker, more grittier feel here, but it clashes with the attempt to keep things true to the animated origin. Like, the earth kingdom OC looks straight out of some more realistic Adult fantasy show, whereas Sozin's character design makes him look like evil Santa.

So firebenders are able to do that to bodies, which I appreciate from a fanfic perspective and also confirms what people have been theorizing about the agni kai, that Ozai put his hand on his son's face. Not sure it was necessary to see it, though. The original does a good job of horrifying us with implied violence and the adults already get it, while showing it makes it less accessible to a younger audience. This is hardly a problem unique to this show, though.

Air nomads actually riding sky bison!

I like having more background with the air nomads and Aang's actor is great but front-loading the flashbacks doesn't work great for the pacing.

One thing I do really like is the emphasis on how the war damaged the harmony of the nations in more than just a spiritual way. No one has friends from other nations now. Zuko comes seeking "someone who does not belong" with the (false) promise that no one will get hurt if everyone keeps to themselves, keeps the status quo. The air nomads are a complete anomaly in a world of division. We are introduced to Aang, Sokka, Katara, and Zuko, and all are isolated in their own way by the war at the beginning of the story.

Overall there is something just weird about the pacing. Characters keep pausing at vital moments of action to deliver exposition or meaningful monologues. It just feels off.

Zuko so desperate for "glory" that he accepts Sokka's proposal to fight one on one (nice foil to the final agni kai by the way). Then his surprise when Aang shows himself reveals that Zuko himself did not know whether he would really find the Avatar in this village he's suddenly shown up to terrorize. God, it just emphasizes how low Zuko is at this point. This is probably his first real high stakes fight and he might have killed Sokka over absolutely nothing out of a false sense that he had something to prove. It's just...sad.

The scene at the Southern Air Temple looked great and had me in tears. I actually saw some criticism of this to the effect of them "ruining Aang's arc" because he comes out of the Avatar state himself, but first of all, let's be real and admit that if mastering the Avatar State was Aang's arc, he never completed it. Second, just because he could bring himself out does not mean he can control it, and he's still letting his emotions control him which is a learning curve for handling that power, it's just that he was able to control his anger in that moment by remembering the people he loved. Which is not that different from how the scene plays out in the original, only he isn't using Katara as a crutch. Which is a good thing, actually. It's much more fitting and poignant that he thinks about Gyatso here.

I don't think there was any mention of Katara wanting to go north. She has a few lines about wanting to help more and Aang teaches her about balance so she can bend now, apparently, but where is her drive? It feels like they're attributing her accomplishments to Aang and that bothers me. Maybe it'll be mentioned in the next episode, since they haven't talked about Aang learning waterbending yet, either. But I do miss the Katara who was ready to banish herself from the village the moment she met Aang not just because it was the right thing to do, but because of her own desire for independence and autonomy.

Liked the scene between Aang and Iroh. It gives us a glimpse of an Iroh who is stuck as to what to do and so he just gives Aang the Zuko treatment by offering him tea. I'd be excited if this means we get to see more development for Iroh.

[studious-bookworm]

So fanfic idea, Port Mafia around the world.

Called Port Mafia around the world, Where the story is told in Kaji's perspective.(my favorite lemon boy) and his time with the port mafia.

•Its about how all the port mafia doing theor job overseas and even disguising themselves.

I created different crime organizations in different countries with powerful ability users some are even stronger than chuuya.

•But also explores the friendships between Akutagawa, Kaji, And Chuuya. (Which are like the main 3 in the show)

•So like in one chapter we have a mafioso from France, Her name is Annie (i thought it would be funny to call her that after seeing Chuuya dance like Michael jackson in BSD wan).

•She has blue hair and purple eyes, And her ability is called "Titan" where she can make herself bigger.

(This may or may not be refrence of attack on titans tho)

•One of the chapters would probably feature Q, As he needs to under cover as a student to find one of the rival mafia boss's daughter. While he is undercovering as normal student, he makes some friends who are also orphans and they call themselves the "tiny mafia."(but i might change this)

•The next idea in this, Project Fumi, Fumi is a little girl who was running away from the government because they were experimenting on her and ran in to Chuuya asking for help. Chuuya takes her in and the develop a father and daughter relationship.

She ends up dying by sacrificing herself so chuuya could live (evil laughter).

•Then its Mafia in the jungle, Where its like jumanji, (probably the 1st episode) where they're mission is to steal red ruby in the jungle. I say this because i love Koyou's explorer outfit. I kinda wanted to draw it before writing this but nah.

•Next episode, Would probably be funny one for my skk shippers. Where Shirase gets a gf and wants to take in the festival in Yokohoma.

•He and Chuuya rekindle and he askes Chuuya if he is still single. In which Chuuya lies, And no, and that he has gf. So Shirase invites Chuuya to double date.

(Reason why he lied is because Dazai decided to tag along, and was about make fun of him for being single)

This can go two ways:

1) Dazai calls Chuuya out on his lie, Chuuya gives in and admits his lie. But, Dazai decides to dress up and be Chuuya's fake girlfriend for the festival/double date.

2) Chuuya calls Annie, Askes her to be his fake gf. She accepts. But on the day of the festival, Dazai decides fo surprise Chuuya by being his fake gf.

So he introduces himself as Chuuya's gf buy Annie who came in late, Also introduces herself as Chuuya's gf. So these two have to pretend to be in polygamous relationship.

But then, More girls from different crime organizations that the port mafia have an alliance with comes in and claim to be Chuuya's gf and everything is just a mess. 😂

•The other chapter would be mafia in paradise (which is either going to be one of the first chapters or a seperate fanfic.)

But this one takes place after the current arc. Natsume decides to thank the PM and The ADA fot saving th city by paying for their trip in a tropical resort.

The mafia needs to be roomates with ADA members.

So

Fukuzawa is roomates with Mori

Chuuya roomates with Dazai

Atsushi roomates with Akutagawa

(These are funny especially when it comes to shower time, Mori takes a Looong time in the shower just to piss off Fukuzawa.

Fukuzawa: "you've been in there for 45 minutes, Get out! Already! "

Mori:" i am not with my 50 steps skin care routine so have some patiences"

Fukuzawa:"50 STEPS?!"

He doesn't but its funny.

And when Chuuya takes a bath, Dazai breaks in his bath and takes a bath.

Chuuya (relaxing) : Aaaah...this is the life,

Dazai: tell m about it

Chuuya: WHAT THE- GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BATHTUB!

Dazai: relax chuuya~ we use to take bath like these together all the times.

Chuuya: Why You-

And Atsushi forcing Akutagawa to take bath.

Akutagawa running from Atsushi, While Atsushi has a spray of water, soap and a bath towel. And chasing akutagawa around to take a damn bath.

And Kunikida is roomates with Katai.

Where he just talks all day on how he needed to deal with Dazai and his annoying ex Partner. And Katai just silently listens to him. While forcing himself to make soup dumblings for Kunikida. (He gets depressed because he burnt them, but Kunikida eats them anyway because of their besties)

And Yosano is roomates with Koyou, Which she hates because Koyou is loyal to Mori. How can anyone be loyal to someone like that?

Q is with the Kenji, While Kyouka is with Higuchi and Gin and Naomi.

Tachihira and Horitsu are with Tanizaki and ranpo.

•Tachihira does meet Yosano, And Yosano sess that Tachihira looks like the boy she met long time ago. (Tachi's brother).

•But that's basically the rundown of paradise.

I also plan to write a backstory Kunikida and Katai, How Kunikida was adopted in to the Yakuza family, met Katai because he was being bullied at age 12.

(In the Kunikida and Katai LN, They met at age 12 but they never told us how.)

And they became besties for 10 years, Katai joined The ADA for Kunikida ( Katai joining the ADA kunikida, is actually in the LN between them)

But, it was never specified why he left ADA.

In my headcanon, Katai left because he felt like burden to Kunikida and felt like he couldn't protect him as a partner.

"Katai looks at Kunikida and smiles"Thank You". Before pushing Kunikida out the building. the building explodes and goes up in flames

Kunikida lands in the water, watching the building go up in flames. He joined the agency to save lives, and yet he hasn't saved any, He couldn't even save his own best friend. "

(Yeah, Imma find a way to traumatize Kunikiiiidddaa-kuuuun more)

Damn i wish i was better at writing XD.

[soulc-hilde]

The Bear

If there’s anything more frustrating is doing a series for a show that has writers who don’t properly go about their job. For example, for my series Bear in the Wild which is based on and follows The Bear tv show, Storer and whoever else is co-writing the show - probably - don’t know how they want to go about the show or what to do.

Cause what I remember reading, is that the show wasn’t even supposed to go on for this long which is a congratulations well deserved. However, I don’t think Storer was ideally prepared to take the show higher. Hear me out…

The viewers are split between those who want Carmen to find the light within his life and heal, those who wish to see him be in a relationship with Sydney, and some who may want him with Claire or any BETTER character that can be added in.

From my perspective, I can see how Sydney and Carmen can be a couple. For those who are too hooked onto the fact that they work together - Carmen’s ENTIRE family is heavily involved with the restaurant since he was a kid. That separation is non-existent.

However, the point of this post isn’t about ships. It’s about the writing and the caring of the show. The first two seasons were killer, amazing. The pacing was perfect, the plot of each season was explored within their episodes consistently, and there’s obvious chemistry between Sydney and Carmen.

Romantic or Platonic, who gives a fuck. It's there, that's material that they can work on.

Season 3 fails because it’s inconsistent, it removes our deuteragonist Sydney and replaces her with tertiary characters like the Faks. THE FAKS??

If this season’s theme, its plot, was to dive into each character’s background and how they’re tied within one another, GO FOR IT. Even better, do that but stick to your focal cast which consists of Carmen, Sydney, Richie, Natalie, Tina, Marcus, Ebra, and… maybe the Faks.

Tell us about our seven fishes, how’d they come across Michael? What was his role in their life, outside of being the boss? It’s The Beef/The Bear. Everybody is family. Tell us how The Beef became a home. Talk to us about Sydney’s family, hell Marcus’ mother died at the end of Season 2… let’s dive into that.

Instead, I’m staring at John Cena as a Fak and I’m learning about Thing 1 and Thing 2? I’m receiving vague hints that Claire’s best friend can’t read red flags to save her fucking life and got associated with a Fak? Why would anyone to do that to themselves?

How does this contribute to The Bear? Or to the Season in general?

Claire is the type of girl in reality where you have to tell them to shut the fuck up or else you’ll punch the shit out of them. She pushes and she pushes until you give her the answer she wants.

In the eyes of a WOC, she acts like a typical white woman that was never told no because she was too pretty or talked so soft when in reality, she looked like everyone else and talks as if she’s being stalked and needs saved. Claire ain’t no different than any other plain jane.

So, what makes her so special in Storer’s eyes that she gets to be Carmen’s love interest?

Can’t say that it’s the nostalgia that holds them together cause I’m pretty sure that while they were both acquainted, she wasn’t an actual friend of Carmen’s. She was the out of reach girl who he had a crush on and knew of. Instead of initiating that bond during those times, she initiates it through his family.

Specifically, Michael, Richie, The Faks, and Donna.

Instead of understanding that the fake number meant he didn’t want to talk to her, she goes through Fak and proceeds to keep calling him. He doesn’t owe her shit, not even the toilet paper he used to wipe his ass and yet, we’re watching this grown ass woman hunt this man down when he didn’t want to talk.

If this was the other way around, it would immediately be an example of harassment against women. But Claire? Oh no, this is apparently supposed to be her fighting for her chance at love or getting close to his heart.

Girl, you're a damn pest. Get sprayed.

And let's not even get into one of the promotion interviews. Why is the cast split by the comedic reliefs, the siblings, and the Blacks?? Um... Tell us how you really feel, say that shit with your chest whoever set that up.

Storer was not prepared to create another season and that happens to all shows. I mean, how many shows you've start strong but then there was either a change on staff or it received crazy hype and decided to add seasons to follow the momentum but things went to shit?

There's ways to recover from that. However, here's where Storer really fucked up.

In recent years, the generation of BIPOC have been wishing to see themselves as characters who do the things that the most overhyped white character does.

Cook? Farm? Paint? Rich? Anxious? Depressed? Happy family?

After so many years of "progression" within the industry, we receive these characters that are supposedly in these non-stereotypical roles and won't be used for the plot (especially if they're a woman of color) but then when the final product is out...

Where was that regular-degular character you had?

And thankfully, there's some shows who have been successful with giving us that representation. And it's not about us wanting white directors and writers to tell our story as people. Y'all already had that control and look where we're at now.

We want y'all to get your head out of your asses and realize that there's more to the world than Ashley with the blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes.

In The Bear, we get that with Sydney, Ebra, Tina, and Marcus. Now, with Sydney, as I said, she's the deuteragonist. Both her and Richie. Where the fuck was she this season? Why is her role being pushed to the back and the likes of the Faks and the Pest being pushed to the front?

They're for damn sure not on the promotional posters. Especially, Claire. They're not one of the main characters. If anything, they're foil characters and/or tertiary characters.

They are either to help further the plot to reach our ending destination, especially if they surround the main character(s), or add little substance here and there before disappearing.

Storer fucked up. He knew what type of audience he had, he saw the reception that both Sydney and Carmen (Ayo and Jeremy) received for their roles and yet when it came to this season, he played in their faces and with their time. And that's fucked up.

[butt0nzz66]

okay I got some sleep my thoughts have changed slightly.

So after a little spiral of sadness yesterday and grieving the incredible love and softness we got in first 6 episodes. I got some sleep and watched it again with the bf who in respect to my obsession has watched all the seasons with me to understanding what I’m yapping about.

I actually am beginning to like it more and can’t lie I really enjoy episode 7 I love the angst, Mr fingerton of worldwide and the wedding. I think this did a great job of demonstrating Colin’s internal struggle between loving and wanting pen but not been able to reconcile both sides of her and the wedding was a happy one until big QC rocked up. I even didn’t mind the entrapment comment because as one other poster pointed out he’s lashing out in anger because he knows he basically ran to the carriage and didn’t give her a min to breath after lol.

However I am still struggling with a few points and I have laid out what I think they could have done to improve it with a few short scenes.

The ending of episode 7 e.g. lack of a wedding night. I personally think the queen thing could have happened after, so we get a sweet wedding night where things aren’t perfect but they are moving towards understanding eachother, this gives us as the viewers a min to breath and then next episode is the queen/cressida drama and then this new wave of struggles for him(yes even with the couch sleeping) or them against the world kind of approach.

Another thing I found is while I do think they actually portrayed quite well him talking to various people to reconcile his feelings in the last episode e.g. Cressida, Eloise, there was a lack of communication of his growth to Penelope and while yes he’s a sulker that isn’t a heathly representation of marriage like you need to talk. I think this could have been improved with a very simple “I’m trying to get to that, but it’s just going to take me time” kind of line in the study love confession.

I also would have LOVED to have seen the conversation between Colin and Violet following the letter Penelope sent, to see her go from shocked to impressed and to see Colin realise maybe I am a lil jealous and dragging it out a bit. She was so insightful with him in episode 4 I think we could have all benefitted from her wisdom and maybe pointing out that while LW didn’t always do things in the right way she has always tried to save the Bridgertons because she loves them more than anyone.

Finally if we could have added a short scene of them after the ball going home and her being like “no more on the couch?” or them running to the bedroom laughing not even sex just fluff then that last sex scene wouldn’t feel quite so plonked in. Like don’t get me wrong I’ll take any crumb I can get but would have been nice to have an intro to it.

I think if we sacrificed a few sub plot scenes for that then it would be a 10/10 despite the angst being dragged on a bit. But maybe that’s just me having too much drama in my own life I don’t want it in my escapism show.

Also the end of season 1&2 was pretty similar in a lot of miscommunication and drama right up until the last second so it was silly of me to hope for something more.

So big shout out to the BF who watched it and gave his perspective of colins feelings which I think helped me get out of my own way.

And I’ve seen a few posts saying why is everyone so critical and quite frankly um because that’s how I feel? Like overall I loved the season definitely my favourite of the 3 and all the actors did a brilliant job however I will point out where I think things could be better. Which is why I’ve tried to word things in a more cohesive way now I’ve had time to reflect. Forums like this are built from discussion if you don’t like what someone is saying scroll on past, to be honest reading your positive analysis gave me a new perspective and improved my thoughts of it so that’s great and thank you, but if you don’t like what I have to say please let me know your thoughts, mute me or scroll on by and stay in your happy bubble because honestly it was a great show overall.

sorry for my rambling but the comedown is worse than any drug and I miss them already 😢

[homestuckreplay]

john's movies GOOD?!?!

Homestuck is 1 month old today! Sadly we didn't get an update to celebrate, but there's still so much to puzzle over with Sburb that I'm okay with it. Plus I watched Contact last night, and I'm canceling the narrator for claiming that John likes 'really terrible movies' because this movie kicks so much ass. I don't care if John only likes it because he thinks Matthew McConnaughey is pretty, this rules, I want to stop here and watch this one six more times.

In this movie, we get a cool scientist who's really good at her job and could easily have a successful career, turn away from that to focus on a fringe project searching for aliens, despite constant criticism and loss of funding. Eventually she succeeds, proves that aliens are real like it's no big deal, and is recognized by her work enough to be the first human sent to greet alien life. Only, since she can't prove that she actually met aliens or even left the planet, scientific opinion turns against her once more, despite her certainty that the contact did happen.

Now if we extrapolate this to John and Sburb, we could see a similar arc. He and TT are probably going to have some weird ass experiences playing this game. Something we don't know yet is how the game reacts to non-players - 'You just hope he doesn't notice the MAGIC CHEST on the roof' (p.143) is the only nod we get. What if the environment is only changed for the players, and the changes simply don't exist for Dad? What if they're technically living in different versions of the same house now, and John has to try and prove that TT is actually changing his environment? That could make for a weird story that deals a lot with object interactions, the same way the early pages did.

This movie's primary theme is science vs religion and faith vs proof, and the situations in which those aren't so different. I think we're already seeing this in Homestuck via the chumhandles, with John and TT being connected to science ('biologist' and 'therapist' respectively) while TG and GG are associated with faith ('godhead' and 'gnostic'). Maybe we'll get to see TG and GG play Sburb together and have a completely different gameplay experience to John's with TT, and we'll be able to compare and contrast the ways that they alter their environment.

I know family is a really common theme in movies, so I'm curious. If you randomly selected any five movies from, say, 1985-2000, what are the chances that parent-child relationships would be a driving plot force in all five? How meaningful is it that this keeps reoccurring? And from which Egbert's perspective do we see Ellie's relationship with her dad from? Is this John wishing he was like Ellie, and that his dad encouraged his interests more instead of trying to force clowns and cakes onto him? Or is this Dad trying to let John know that he does support him, that he'll get John movie posters and help him buy memorabilia for his friends and participate in John's love of pranks?

I am going to be so john egbertcoded and get a poster of this movie for my room too.

VIES WATCHED: 5/11

MOST RECENT MOVIE: Contact (1997) - Rating 9/10

[fic-recommended]

Shyan Fics

more to be added, if I feel like adding

—————————————

I’ll Crawl Home – carrieonfighting

(16,024 words / 6 chapters / Teen and up)

Tags: Demon!Shane, Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, bc im PRETENTIOUS, Protective!Shane

"Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him."

Wow. That’s all I gotta say. I started reading Shane/Ryan fic because I had a weird dream and went looking for comfort fic to ease the edges of my mind. I stumbled upon this fic and was so fucking blown away. I was drawn in because of the demon!Shane tag and the way this story is charted out is insane. It’s nonlinear (there is a liner version tho I’m strongly against it). Just ohmygod read this fic it’s insane and hurts so good.

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) – beethechange

(21,847 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: fake married, also real married, friends to husbands to lovers to ???, Las Vegas Wedding, possible dubious consent due to alcohol consumption, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Rimming, just assume most of the kinds of sex are present here, probably more Celine Dion than you were hoping for, they say "fuck" a lot, also "dude" but I don't make the rules okay, Bedsharing

Shane is pacing around the hotel room. It’s not a huge room and Shane’s legs are long enough that he doesn’t have much real estate to pace before he has to swing back around for another loop.

“Can you stop?” Ryan asks. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Okay,” Shane says finally. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re just going to—we’re going to be married. The only way out is through.”

“Um,” Ryan says, because this plan strikes him as counterproductive to their shared goal of not being married.

To me there are the big two when thinking of Shane/Ryan fics. That is to say the others aren’t amazing but two gutted me in a way I was not expecting from I ship I don’t even ship. This is one of the two and fucks sake it hurts me but in a way I really like and neeeeeded. (The other is the one above this)

Muscles Better and Nerves More – beethechange

(26,301 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Bodyswap, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, First Time, Pining, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Body Horror, Rituals, Swearing, Sexy Shame

“I’m serious,” Ryan says. “Don’t go fucking up my body. I want that shit back in the same condition I left it.”

“The same condition—Ryan. I’m not spending hours in a gym every day so you don’t lose muscle mass.”

“I want you to treat my body with the respect you would a national park. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories.”

***

A certain meddling Voodoo Queen of New Orleans thinks Ryan and Shane need some new perspective on life. After an inadvisable ritual deposits Ryan in Shane’s body, and Shane in Ryan’s, the ghoulboys pursue some soul-searching and self-discovery to put things right. Sometimes in a sexy way.

I have found out while reading this fic that I am also a sucker for bodyswap!au. Something about learning to love someone completely while seeing (and being lmao) all of them is so intimate and endearing to me. Plus there’s dumplings in this fic and that is just sweet sweet poetry.

If you can find a way to love me, it’s all right – varnes

(11,232 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Psychic Ryan

When Ryan was a kid, he fell into a pile of bricks. They were playing hide and seek, and he thought he had the best hiding spot: high up in a thickly lush tree, his knees drawn to his chest so that he’d blend in. But the branch broke. He hit his head and doesn’t remember much of what happened after that. When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was setting, and his friends were gone, and his parents were calling for him, their flashlights swinging across the grass. There’d been blood on his bangs.

Anyway, now he can see ghosts.

Kind of.

Look, he’s not great at it.

--

Or: Ryan, personally, has three lists: “NICE GHOSTS,” “GHOSTS I DON’T FUCK WITH,” and, “IDK, SPOOKY STUFF.”

Oh my goddddd this fic is so sweet and so owie. At first I was skeptical because the fanon is that Shane can see demons or ghosts or whatever. But having it be Ryan???? So owie in such a good way. Other then this fic being the masterpiece that it is, I’m going to convince you with one sentence: Ryan has a cat with a ghost in it that demands Taco Bell. That’s it baybee. Read it or you’ll regret itttt.

BFFS Get Married For A Week – Ryan and Shane – aspookycryptidsock

(18,108 words / 8 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Pining, Mutual Pining

"As I was saying," Curly continues with a pointed glare in Ryan's direction. "It's my honor to join the two of you in unholy matrimony. The rules are simple, you'll live together, plan one date each, and cherish each other. Til week do you part."

I first read this fic years and years ago. I don’t know how it happened but me and my best friend found it while being at a library and we went feral reading it before their mom picked us up. It’s my origin story to the ship. This fic is my first love and my baby gorl. Shane is intense in a way I lovelovelove. Ryan is dumber then a pile a bricks amen.

Body Farming – shiphitsthefan

(7,251 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Season/Series 04, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Omega Ryan Bergara, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Scenting, Multiple Orgasms, Knotting, Daddy Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Filth with Feelings, Community: bfukinkmeme, Multisex Omega

Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Your honor I’d like to state my case by saying being horny on main is bc I’m silly goofy and I never meant no harm. ABO fuck or die in a cave? Fuccck kkkk y e aaaa

Por Favor, Sweetheart – carrieonfighting

(7,859 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Kid Fic, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Accidental Baby Acquisition, ryan dadgara, and shane dadej, Original Baby Character - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You Have Been Warned

Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late

Alternatively, Ryan Bergara is Trying His Best Thanks

Ryan gains custody of a baby and is strugggglinnnggg until a Sasquatch comes and helps <3. Ain’t nothing says romance baybeee then an actual baby.

daring it’s a faded notion – varnes

(28,760 words / 5 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Paranormal shenanigans, y'all remember that trope where people can't be more than 5 feet apart without Suffering?

The sun is too bright and Ryan’s whole body is alight with something that is eating him all the way up from the inside out, but he keeps his eyes open and he makes himself look, and he tells himself that once he finds Shane, he’ll think about it. Once he finds Shane, they’ll make a plan. Once he finds Shane, and only then, he’ll let himself have the thought he’s been swallowing down like bile since he came to: that they didn’t fall.

They were pushed.

OR: Ryan and Shane get cursed by a ghost, and now they can't be not-touching. It's ... not great.

Ghosties don’t like the no homo and said ummm yeeeeet!!! Into the Grand Canyon then the ghoul boys kiss???? Makes me go hubba hubba

Collide - needywitch

(35,310 words / 2 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Pining, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Biting, First Time, Dirty Talk, Love Confessions, Rough Sex, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick

Ryan is desperately in love with his best friend.

Owieeeeeee. This one made me cryyyy. The prose of this fic along with a healthy usage of the word jaunty made this fic deeply emotional as well as made me want to cry when they kissed. Very excellent

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian - beethechange

(25,706 words / 3 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: entirely self-indulgent PWP, smut with feelings, Threesome, Birthday Sex, Oral Sex, lotta ball stuff here folks, so i hope you like balls, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sexy Air Traffic Conducting, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

“Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?”

“Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks.

Oh shit.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that this fic is morally correct but Shane/Sara/Ryan fic is what I needed and it blew me away and it is the best smut thank you goodnight

[toointojoelmiller]

today I can't stop thinking about Joel & Ellie & love

This is the thought spiral I've been on today instead of doing my actual job. PS this is sad because I'm sad lol.

Pt 2 spoilers btw.

Marlene has feelings of fondness for Ellie, at the minimum. Clearly she feels a connection to her as the daughter of her best friend. She gets her into a safe environment while she continues her Firefly work. Marlene isn't a monster. She wants to do good for the world. She cries at the idea of having to kill Ellie for the cure. To her, she is feeling a form of love towards Ellie.

She realizes that Ellie and Joel have bonded, and assumes that Joel also feels love for her. So she believes she can understand his pain.

But she obviously does not have parental love for Ellie. She doesn't view Ellie as her own.

Neil Druckmann has spoken in interviews before about how one elements of the themes explored in TLOU came from how he experienced parental love as something that was completely unimaginable until you experience it for yourself - how the love that a parent has for their child practically blocks out everything else and makes you irrational and crazy sometimes. And has also mentioned that many fans who he has encountered who are in the Joel Did the Right Thing camp are parents who say 'I would do exactly that for my kid'.

Joel has experienced the insanity that comes with having and loving a child, and the pain and insanity of losing that child. It destroyed him.

Marlene has no. idea. what. that. is.

She thinks she knows what he is feeling, underestimates Joel significantly (two guards???), and all the fireflies get squished.

An interesting idea explored in the story of Pt 1 and Pt 2 combined is that love opens our eyes AND it severely blinds us. Love saves us AND it destroys us. And sometimes the only way we fully appreciate the power of love is through the grief that comes when we lose it.

❤️‍🩹 💔

Okay.. now think about this idea of different experiences of love and pain giving us blindspots re: being able to actually understand each other, combined with ...

The "love me the way I want you to" motif.

This is so so heartbreaking to consider regarding Joel & Ellie's relationship breakdown, Ellie's grief spiral, and how she finally escapes it.

When she's young, she isn't capable of understanding just how much Joel loves her. She doesn't have the ability to see his actions at the hospital as an act of love. She thinks that if Joel truly loved her, he would have shown it the way she wanted it to be shown - which at that time she believes is letting her be sacrificed for the cure.

When Ellie loses Joel and knows she will never have him in her life again, she is ripped open by the pain. NOW she actually can somewhat appreciate how unbearably painful letting her die would have been for him. And as she's feeling the pain of his death, and thinking to herself every minute of the day "I would do anything to go back in time and save him", she can finally understand why he did what he did.

She also has JJ with Dina after Joel's death, giving her more perspective on the parent-child dynamic still - both personally, as she certainly has played an active role in caring for him, and also through being part of Dina's motherhood journey, seeing her insane love for her baby.

She knows that Joel experienced some version of that with Sarah, and lost her (which she already knew was traumatic for him but now can understand). And it's this added layer of guilt for her, because Ellie knows she was pissed at him and blamed him and cut him off for not wanting to go through that agony again.

The grief she feels is SO painful that she needs to try to find a way to run from it. The only way Ellie knows is to do the same thing Joel did when he lost Sarah - try not to think about it, try to ignore it, try to bury it in something else... like going on some crazy rage fueled revenge mission.

Just like it was for Joel, anger is easier to feel than grief. Anger makes her feel like she's DOING something. The grief just makes her feel like she's going to die.

She does things she hates herself for and she thinks it's out of love. And unfortunately for her, because she IS a kind and empathetic person with a good heart, she can't avoid that things aren't actually as black and white as the anger-brain and desire to avenge Joel wants her to believe.

She's constantly being confronted with the reality of how others have a "person" just like Joel was hers and she was his - and both her and Joel have killed many, many of those people. Her sense of justification with the rage mission is eroding, even if she doesn't want it to and tries to hang onto it.

And she loses more and more of herself, because avoiding the pain of her grief also means she needs to block out thinking about the positives about her bond with Joel.

She can't even draw his face because it hurts too much.

When she sees Abby trying to save Lev, obviously paralleling her and Joel's devotion to each other, it just shatters her ability to keep trying to stuff all of the confusing awful feelings into a box they don't fit into. She's too physically and mentally and emotionally exhausted to keep fighting it. She just gives in to whatever the hell the grief is going to make her feel.

To me, Ellie's 'Joel on the Porch Flashback' moment is her heart and soul finally letting in the grief, with all of the pain and all of the love together. That's the thing about grief. Letting yourself fully feel it brings undeniable clarity about the love that created it.

She is finally able to accept and think about their bond in all of it's complexity. Even though she can't deny all of the imperfect and even terrible (rip humanity lol) and messy parts to it, and even though she wishes she did so many things differently when she still had Joel with her, she is able to finally let herself remember and feel how special and unconditional and undeniably good the love they had for each other was.

And that makes her realize that this isn't how she shows Joel love. This isn't what Joel would want for her. All he would want for her was to live a healthy, long, peaceful life full of love. The way to show Joel that she still loves him is by doing just that.

And while she is clearly still insanely depressed and heartbroken and traumatized at the end, I also think that her leaving the guitar in the empty house is a bit of a gesture she is giving to Joel to say "I get it and I'm going to try to live like you want me to - I'm not going to let loss break me."

sigh.

P.S. I actually emotionally can't handle the guitar thing even when I try to cope with a nice spin so I actually just pretend she comes back for it eventually at some point lol.

did this even make sense? idk.