#i would give anything to be functional even 80% of the time

[lawofangie]

Hello. I just saw your post about your manifestation journey while struggling with depression and I’ll probably just be another rant about “how difficult it is to manifest”, but honestly I just want to talk a little bit.

I’m at work right now. I’m a trainee in a law office and my relationship with my boss is deteriorating gradually.

While I was at school, I would always think that I would be happier at a job, because I like to feel useful and competent. But now that I have a job, I just feel miserable.

I already received complaints twice about “being distracted” and “not doing my best”, which came as shocking because I’ve been doing my best. I have two bosses and while one looks like she really appreciates me, the other one might be the contrary.

I always fails to do what she wants me to do.

So I have been having really tiresome dreams. I had one where they asked me to type a document and after a while it turns out it was a “you are fired document” and asked me to sigh it.

They laughed and said that “I wasn’t doing enough” and “I wasn’t attending my classes at college” which I WAS but it didn’t matter.

I actually can’t imagine my life better. It’s like my mind just blocks it from me. I feel like I can’t delude myself even if that’s what I want the most.

I really want to just escape and live happily but I just feel trapped and miserable. I think I can predict what you are going to advice me but…I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

this is actually kind of relatable. i've felt similarly at many points in my life, i struggled to function, i thought external things would make me happy, applying the law was difficult. i couldn't imagine my life any better either. i understand where this is coming from, i'll try to give less generic advice, but i'm going to be brutally honest, and, this still won't be anything special. its important to remember that regardless of what i say here, manifestation is still just assuming you have your desire and persisting in that fact.

anyways, it honestly gets to a point where you have to realize that you're just wasting your time feeling trapped and scared. you're doing yourself a disservice. no one and nothing can save you, nor is anything or anyone going to. as unfortunate as your circumstances are, you have to do it yourself.

you have to take what you want and prioritize that above how you feel, anyone's made you feel, and how anyone feels about you. your life is meant to revolve around you and no one else. its YOUR life for a reason.

you SHOULD NOT waste the best years of your life being miserable, feeling like a failure, like a victim, like you can't change, like you're trapped like this forever when that's completely illogical. everyone and everything changes. people change in age, appearance, personality, sexuality, preferences, etc. it's physically impossible to be incapable of change unless you're not alive. people change all the time.

you genuinely do not have the time to be so self loathing and miserable, not when you're going to literally grow old one day. and according to those who've made it there already, that day comes fast. do you want to look back at your life at 80 and see what you wasted it doing? when all this information was right in your face? when all you had to do was take a chance and have some faith in yourself?

changing yourself isn't impossible, you're just too scared to assume anything good about yourself, perhaps because you've gotten so used to being miserable. "changing yourself", by the way, just so we're clear, simply means to assume something new about yourself. for example, you already believe you are a failure, and to change would be to simply assume you're successful. that's quite literally it. you just believe in something without physical proof, that's assuming. we assume all the time. you're just assuming about yourself now. the law is extremely simple to utilize, but it's the simplicity that leads to people overcomplicating it themselves.

also, delusion is, by definition, a false belief that is resistant to change, even when presented with evidence that it is not true. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that is taken as true without proof or evidence. you need to realize the difference here. we are telling you to assume, not to delude yourself. we are promising you that the "proof" comes after you've fully accepted it as true. we're not telling you to actively deny something despite accepting it as true. what would be the point in that? if we're telling you that your assumptions, aka the things you believe to be true without proof manifest, why would we tell you to continue to accept something you don't want as true? does that make sense?

being delusional and making an assumption may seem similar in theory, but in practice, they are completely different. one is literally the result of a mental illness, the other is a very normal, very human behavior that we do every day. we make assumptions about ourselves, people, and situations. all. the. time. it seems like it's only a problem and called "delusional" when it's about yourself, and it's something good.

it's like being confident in yourself, believing in your abilities despite what others have to say about you. for example, you have a great confidence in a talent or skill, and the you believe that you will get better as you get older/more experienced/more knowledgeable, and you'll make it places and have great opportunities in the future. let's say some random person decides to insult you and say that you'll never make it anywhere in life. would it be "delusional" to not listen to them? to not let someone else dictate your future? or would that simply be having some faith in yourself and not letting others define you?

this is literally all we're telling you to do, believe in yourself even if your reality seems to be against you. don't fight it, just accept that the unfavorable isn't true and move on. continue to believe in yourself.

and besides, if any person successful to date operated with that "i don't see it so it's not true" mindset, they wouldn't have become successful, would they? would anyone accumulate any kind of success with a mindset like that? the people who have came from nothing and made it to where they were now, had an unwavering confidence in their abilities and the fact that they'd be something one day. despite what anyone's told them, or tried to project onto them, it didn't get through to their unwavering sense of self.

the point is, we are promising you something. all it takes is for you to have some confidence in yourself. to quit hurting yourself. is that so hard?

anyways, the point of manifesting is when you change yourself, the things in your external reality change.

assuming is easy. believing things to be true without proof is easy. you just have to get comfortable with the fact that you need to change before anything changes externally. again, instead of believing you are a failure, that you are trapped, you simply assume you are successful, and you are not trapped.

people also change their minds all the time, they grow to have a different opinion, they realize they were wrong, they want to give something else a chance, or without a reason, they simply change their mind. these things are not impossible, they happen all the time.

i'm saying this to say that manifesting isn't being delusional. to be delusional is feeling stuck and like things can't change, when they so clearly do, all the damn time. you're not special enough for the concept of change to not apply to you. for instance, you are certainly not the same person you were when you were 6 compared to however old you are right now. you changed, therefore you are capable of changing, and i proved it to you with that simple example.

you only feel stuck because you decided you are, you decided that you'll never be unstuck, and so you haven't been. the law is working, just not in your favor. everything you see in your reality right now, perfectly matches whatever you've assumed to be true. that is not a coincidence. it's important to remember that the law isn't a thing with feelings, it does not care about you or your situation. all it does is continue to operate. it's up to you to use the law's indifference to your advantage.

also, you seem to have a victim mindset. it's very obvious in the way that you try to explain yourself, that you were doing as you were supposed to, but it still 'didn't matter'. you're putting so many things (your job, your bosses, proving yourself) on a pedestal, over what really matters, which is yourself. do you even like your job? did you pursue something you were passionate about? because if not, then you have no business subjecting yourself to any kind of mistreatment, not when you didn't even want to be there in the first place. you should be putting yourself and your desires before even thinking about pleasing anyone or meeting any kind of requirement.

your own standards and requirements should come first. remember : you chose to work for them. you have a choice. you also need to remember that your bosses and colleagues are regular people. outside of work (and in the workplace if we're being honest) they have no kind of power over you. you shouldn't be letting such irrelevant people in your life have the power to instill so much fear in you, to the point where you're having literal nightmares.. about typing a document incorrectly.

also, about feeling useful and competent, that's something you have to decide about yourself. are you useful? are you competent? do you honestly feel this way about yourself? definitely not, which is why you're seeking validation from others. but at the same time, it is what's made you so miserable, because you're definitely not getting that validation. and any you get only gives you a short lived feeling of satisfaction. your opinion on yourself matters more than what anyone has to say. that's literally why confidence and insecurity exist. and either way, you still feel a certain way about yourself that outweighs anything anyone has to say about you.

here's another example, let's say you've been insecure about your looks from a young age. if one day, someone randomly tells you you're beautiful or they think you're pretty, is all the insecurity you've felt for years suddenly going to go away? or will your mind find reasons to reinforce the fact that you don't feel beautiful? and if someone confirmed your insecurities, saying you weren't their type, they didn't find you attractive, wouldn't you just justify that reaction in your mind since you feel that way about yourself already?

with that in mind, how much does anyone's words really matter? do the words of others honestly have any significance when they aren't reinforcing something you already believe about yourself?

your reality works in a similar way. whatever you decide to assume/ accept as true/ shift your awareness to/ decide is true/ feel is certain, your reality will reflect. as well as a bunch of reasons to continue believing whatever it is is true. the law is very indifferent and has no bounds. it does not care about your feelings, your specific circumstances, and so on. that's why i'm telling you, you only feel these ways and experience the things you do, because you decided you were. this goes for being miserable, being stuck, feeling useless, feeling incompetent and living in fear. there are no exceptions.

so, with all that said, what do i suggest? first off, you need to practice being secure in yourself. work on being confident in yourself first, then work on your self concept. i say "confidence" as in feeling secure in yourself within the 3d. so, your looks, your body, your social skills, your physical skills, etc. because "self concept" has to do with having confidence in your manifestation abilities. find a helpful method that works for you, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, rampaging, or just simply deciding something new about yourself and accepting it.

self confidence has to do with things like liking yourself, being your own validation, having optimistic thoughts about yourself, and self efficiency. you can't care about what others think, you have to put yourself first, and you can't let anyone dictate your future. be selfish. the only thing that should matter is you and how something makes you feel. nothing bad comes from putting yourself first and not worrying about others.

once you feel confident in yourself, or even while working on your confidence, practice using the law. you could start by manifesting something small, something specific that would prove to you that you can manifest, then work your way up. manifest bigger things or just a large quantity of things, just to prove to yourself that there aren't any limits. remember, manifesting is just assuming: believing something to be true without proof. i mean that in the most literal, simplest way possible. like the example of success i used earlier.

once you've proven to yourself that manifestation is indeed real, play around with it. also, work on your self concept. decide that things always go well for you, that you deserve good things, you're the creator of your reality, learn to mentally reject unfavorable things in the 3d, and so on. this is what i would do if i were you.

i know this was kind of long, but i hope you understand my words and find them useful. feel free to dm me or send another ask if you have anymore questions. 🩶

[thebubblemaster]

.

[shatterthefragments]

I know I know don’t trust your feelings at night

And especially don’t trust them when you wake up in the middle of the night after a 12 hr shift.

But. Fuck. I’m. Feeling a lot.

[moosesarecute]

The shadows sing

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

It was so dark, you couldn’t see anything. You stopped in the middle of the woods, but you had no idea what woods these were.

You could feel them coming closer, could hear their wings flapping.

The remaining parts of your wings were dragging against the ground as you tried to run.

“Please, make them go away,” you whispered a prayer. To whom, you didn’t know, but you just needed them to leave.

You heard them coming closer and closer and you tried to run faster. But it didn’t work. You were exhausted and hurt. After being on the run for the last three days, where you have been hunted the last 5 hours, you couldn’t move faster.

“We’ve got you now,” you heard the voice of one of your hunters, Adrian. “You can’t get away.”

“Please, make them go away,” you repeated a little louder this time. You got no response.

You felt Adrian’s arms grab your wings, and soon he had picked you up from the ground. You let out a scream at the harsh treatment.

“If you’re so attached to your wings, why don’t you use them?” Adrian taunted you. He knew your wings didn’t work, he was responsible for the damage.

You were now about five meters above the forest floor and he let you go.

Instinctively, you tried to flap your wings, but the pain ripped through your body as you hit the ground.

You woke and had to fight to catch your breath. Even though you were used to reliving the worst day of your life, it still didn’t get any less scary.

“Late, Master Raven waits,” your shadows whispered to you.

“Shit,” you said and jumped out of bed.

You dragged on the clothes that were the closest to you. As you hurriedly strapped your knife onto your leg, your shadows surrounded you.

“Cold outside,” your shadows argued.

“I really don’t have time for this,” you told them with a sigh.

They didn’t listen and soon you wore a scarf, a hat and also your old winter cloak. It was full of holes, but it still kept you somewhat warm.

You sprinted out the front door of your small cabin, the snow under your feet was crunching and as soon as your shadows told you the coast was clear, you shadow walked.

You were careful to stop a safe distance away from the meeting place, so that nobody would see you. Your shadows protested as you hid them and ran towards the meeting.

You felt Master Raven’s disappointed stare long before you actually saw his eyes.

You stopped at the end of the line, all 19 of your “colleagues” in front of you. You tried to hide, but failed miserably.

“You’re late,” Master Raven said with his dark intimidating voice. He walked towards you with The Raven, your team’s actual master, placed at his usual place, Master Raven’s shoulder. “I didn’t get you a functional foot, just so that you could show up late.”

You looked down on your left leg. From the middle of your calf and down you had a metal prothesis. It was a little rusty, but you had a functional leg and ankle, so you were grateful. You would have been dead decades ago without it.

You quickly moved your cloak so that it hid your leg.

“I’m sorry, Master Raven,” you said, your head still looking down. “It won’t happen agai-”

“The Raven and I have decided on a fitting punishment for your laziness,” Master Raven interrupted you. “You’ll fight the twins, if you win you’ll get the 20/80 agreement the next month, however, if you lose, you’ll get 10/90, understood?”

You looked over at the twins, or Sole and Sherry which was their names. You saw their smug smiles and sparkling eyes. You swallowed. They wouldn’t give you an easy win.

You had always been smaller than the rest of the people in the team, so it didn’t really help that the twins were the two tallest ones. They originated from Day, but they looked scarier than most people from Day.

“Understood?” Master Raven repeated and stepped closer to you.

“Yes, understood,” you replied.

This is going to be a long month.

You stumbled back into your cabin hours later.

You yielded after an hour long battle. Your nose was bleeding and so was your forehead. Your ribs hurt and you limped a little more than usual on your prothetic leg.

Your shadows got loose as soon as you closed the door. They swirled around you in such a manner that almost made you fall over.

“Careful,” you hissed at them.

“You aren’t careful, we aren’t careful,” they answered. They were annoyed at you for getting hurt again. They wanted to protect you, but you never let them.

They pulled you towards the kitchen table and sat you down.

You always left a few shadows at home when you left. You wanted them to protect your cabin, but today had obviously been a calm day, since they had made you food.

It was a simple bowl of oats and water with some different kinds of seeds. It was your usual breakfast.

“Thanks,” you told them and started eating.

You waited a few hours before you picked up the paper from Master Raven. Your wounds from earlier had mostly healed, so you were ready to go get beat up once more.

Master Raven got customers that paid him to kill different kinds of animals.

Sometimes it was to get a specific type of animal, because the customers were throwing a big party and wanted a feast.

Other times, the customers had been hurt or something they owned got damaged by the animals and they therefore wanted them dead.

“Two nagas escaped after destroying a garden in Day,” you read out loud so that your shadows also would know what you’d be doing this week.

“No more nagas,” the shadows almost yelled at you.

“It would get me the most money,” you argued. “300 each. I’ll only get 10% this month. I either have to work around the clock to take all of the small ones or spend longer time to get one of the bigger ones.”

“Too dangerous,” they answered. “Remember last time!”

You thought back to one of your first tries at killing from Master Raven’s list. You had gone big, trying to prove yourself worthy of the team’s time and training.

You ended with a missing piece of your leg.

“I don’t really have a choice,” you replied with a sigh. “We never know when we’ll get some as good paying customers.”

You walked out of your cabin and deeper into the forest.

“Clear,” your shadows whispered.

You shadow-walked to the nagas favorite spot, not far from the river.

However, both you and your shadows failed to notice the Illyrian that sat in the trees, hiding in his own shadows.

[bbyboybucket]

Okay besties, today I’m giving you the run down of Buckys finances and networth. Because as I’ve said multiple times, he’s obscenely wealthy despite the fact you’d never know by looking at him.

Now first off, MatPat (my fav YouTuber who I’m so sad is retiring, literally adore him) did a mini theory a few years ago, calculating Bucky’s compound interest in previously earned money from WWII in his frozen bank account while he was presumed dead. It totaled out to $51,143. This is just the money that he earned in the 30s/40s and has grown interest on. This is assuming the money wasn’t given to his family and for the purpose of this post, we’ll go with that it wasn’t. However, MatPat didn’t account back pay, for disability pay, and other military pay/benefits.

So as a starter point, we’ll use $51,143. Next, I’m going to calculate his back pay from being MIA/POW because he would have been considered active duty. A MIA/POW is given back pay of 50% of the average per diem rate, for each day held in captivity. The 2023 rate is $157 per day, and I assume that would be similar for him because TFATWS takes place in early 2024. So that means Bucky would get $78.50 per day. There is no time limit on how far back pay can date to, so the entire span of Bucky’s capture is accounted for. As per the Smithsonian memorial in CA:TWS, Bucky was captured in 1944, making it exactly 70 years of capture. So, the back pay for those 70 years, is $2,005,675.

Next, we’ll look at the different forms of disability pay he would receive. I’m only going to look at canonical, confirmed disabilities for this. Bucky would be classified under SMC-N 1/2, where one arm was amputated above the elbow and/or was amputated so close to the shoulder that a prosthetic cannot be worn. Now obviously, Bucky does have a prosthetic but it is implanted into his body, as a majority of his left shoulder seems to have been amputated. Since he is single and has no dependents, aka has no children and is not taking care of any family, and he is still able to work, he would be receiving $6,182 a month.

He also has PTSD, which he would most likely get a 70% percent disability rating for, as 100% is very rare to receive for mental and is considered to be extreme impairment in daily functioning. (He could recieve 80 or 90% but I’m being generous here and trying to give the most realistic assessment). All this means, his mental illness pay for PTSD would be $1716 a month.

It’s also canonical that he has brain damage via The Wakanda Files book. We know in that book, he’s described to have pretty severe TBI. However, we don’t know anything of his symptoms and the book only describes of the brain scan looks bad and that the serum is keeping him from being more impaired. The VA uses 10 areas of impairment as criteria to rate the severity of TBI disability. The only canonically confirmed area that we know Bucky deals with is memory. Since we know no other symptoms and we know he’s not extremely impaired, I’m going to estimate he’d be rated at 50%. Which would give him a compensation of $1075 a month.

Now, we can assume Bucky is retired from the military. From being a retired sergeant, we can assume his monthly pension is around $5,482.

Reminder, all VA pay is untaxed. All of these together, his monthly salary is $14,455. However, this is not including disability back pay. The VA sometimes will pay a lump sum from back from when the diagnosis was made. Assuming the Wakandans were involved in Bucky’s trial and pardon, I’d assume some of his medical records were brought in as well. Back dating to when he was being treated in Wakanda, that’s 7 years, however we don’t know if the blip would count so for that reason, I’ll say 2 years. So, his lump sum would be around $215,352.

Now, endgame was in October, six months before TFATWS, meaning it took place around March/April. Within, the span of October to March, Bucky woulda have accumulated $86,730. Because even if his pardon wasn’t official yet in October, he would still receive payment for that month.

Finally, in grand total, all of this is $2,358,900. His networth would be in a similar, slightly lower range. Meaning: yes, Bucky Barnes is a millionaire and nobody would ever guess.

[mrslectermoriarty]

Headcanon Series #16

Ice and Mav finally get their shit together after the Uranium mission. Don't ask me how, theories in the comments. Anyway, they kiss in public - on base or something, it looked very dramatic - they become a couple and the next morning Ice walks into the building he works in (enter important navy office) and half the officers he passes look very pissed at him, ready to bite his head off. Especially older ones he's known since the 90s or so. Most of them grumble some unfriendly sounding greetings into his direction. Some of the younger ones though smile at him with such happiness and sometimes clap his shoulder or congrate him, he can't really comprehend what's happening.

He shrugs it off and enters his office, only to find out his long time secretary and dear friend Mrs. Lesser is about to leave. For a vacation. She's never taken a vacation before. Sure, some free time over the holidays or when Ice took a break from work, but never longer than a couple days. Now she's gone for a few weeks.

The weird events continue when two hours later, a mad looking Admiral Hanson stands in his door and rants something about Tom being childish and stupid and how he could do such a thing. "Seriously, Tom. All those years and now you gotta pull a stunt like that? I thought better of you."

After the third officer passing his office and muttering something among the lines of "Really great, Kazansky," Tom calls for a meeting. He's the COMPACFLT after all. He outranks most people in the building. And this seems rather serious.

"Gentlemen, I am at loss for words. Your overall behaviour today has not only been out of line for work but also simply disrespectful. If this has anything to do with the events from yesterday, I can only say I am disappointed. We are professionals and the government, the state and the people depend on our work. We can't let something from any of our private lifes affect us like this. We're grown men and we should be able to handle such things like grown men. We can only function as a united front."

There's an audible huff at the other end of the table, coming from Admiral Marcus. "Easy to say for you, you got the guy you've been thirsting over for the last 40 years, I lost about 600$ because of you and Mitchell." Admiral James, who sits next to him elbows him. Tom's eyebrow start to wander. "How exactly do you loose 600$ because of me? Please, elaborate."

Opposite from Marcus and James, Admiral Cameron pulls a thick folder from under the table and slides it over to Tom. Whispers and even gasps erupt. "It's over, so he might as well know now."

Tom opens the folder and is greeted with a long list of people, dates that reach back to the 80's and huge amounts of cash written down. Between the pages are various copied documents of conversations between him and Mav, pictures of them together on various occasions and hand-scribbled notes with more dates and different statements on them. Tom's eyebrows almost disappear in his hairline. "What is this?", he quietly asks, afraid of an honest answer.

Cameron sighs and speaks up: "Some guys from your Topgun Class apparently started this in 86'. It was about when you and Mitchell would get your shit together and do something against that unresolved tension between the two of you. They expanded their list with every squadron you both were in because you guys weren't subtle at all but also extremly stupid and the rest got a kick out of betting who'd give in first and when this would happen. At the ceremony in the 00's, when you got your stars, an Admiral got a hold on the list and decided to join. He brought it over here and no-one couldn't really resist. And now we heard of you and Mitchell eventually putting an end to this. Of course people are pissed, they bet way to high on the wrong guy or year!"

Tom's eyes skim down the list. It seems like every person he's known inside the Navy has their name written down on the yellowing paper. He spots Mrs. Lesser on there and let's out a surprised chuckle. "Marywas really good. Got almost 3000$ out of this. No wonder she's on vacation." He drages his hand over his face to regain some grip on the situation.

"I can't even- how did you manage to hide this from me for so long?", is the only question he gets out. James laughs. "We're the military. We have our ways." By now the whole table is chuckling or whispering in amusement. Tom can only shake his head, but also smiles. "Can I take this home? I need this in a proper display on my office wall. Or maybe over the dinner table. And you are all invited to an apology-BBQ."

Okay, I know this was weird, but in my head I can see so many people in the Navy that just see Pete and Tom working together and they think like "Yeah, these two are totally gonna end up together." I love people shipping IceMav, I'm sorry.

[astral-disastral-catastral]

Headcanon Time!!!!

✧ He has multiple extra limbs and organs excluding eyes [.e.g. 3 arms and 3 hands, 3 hearts, 2 brains 1 extra layer of dough which the average cookie does not have that he doesn't always display] which are all functional! He likes to scare others with it.

✧ His bones don't have nearly as much sugar as most cookies [what makes cookie bones hard and sturdy] so he's concerningly flexible hence all the 90° head cocking and odd bodily positions aswell as being hypermobile [but it doesn't often cause him pain]. Funfact: he could turn his head 360° if he wanted to.

✧ When he falls asleep, the eyes on his head are closed like his actual eyes so they look like they're not there.

✧ Has a habit of biting other cookies near him that he finds hard to control/stop doing.

✧ Has purposefully eaten more than 1 cookie and very much derived joy from doing so [he thought they tasted good. Or atleast some of them did… he just killed the ones he didn't like or used them for something else].

✧ If you were to chop off any of his limbs, .e.g. his arms or legs or hands, they would regenerate quickly or he would just re-attatch them and say something like “ow” very nonchalantly.

✧ Regularly shapeshifts into things that aren't him .e.g. animals and other cookies like the ancients [mainly PV] for the fun of it, if he's bored, or to taunt and trick others.

✧ The weird looking sonic’s quills on his head is a hat!! His actual hair is light blue and white, flows majestically, is long enough to touch the ground if he decides to stop floating around all the time for once, and is very liquidy but doesn't feel wet at all [it's more soft and fluffy and smooth to the touch if anything…]. He doesn't like his hair that way and is insecure about it and it makes him angrier than he wishes to be so he always keeps his hat on. Or is it a wig or something??

✧ Is extremely touchy with PV and absolutely does not give a care in the world about boundaries. Refuses to leave him alone 80% of the time [he legit always less than 30cm away from him].

✧ The sorest loser in the world he WILL throw a fit if he cannot win something and will go out of his way to win no matter what, whether it's cheating, killing, you name it!

✧ For any cookie that isn't a beast or unconventionally massive, he's practically a giant but out of all the beasts, he's the shortest one.

✧ Sprawls out the most uncalled unwanted unnecessary unasked unfiltered comments whenever and wherever blatantly [sometimes he does it intentionally and sometimes he doesn't even get it's the wrong time or wrong at all].

✧ Really likes puppets [like a lot oh my lord]

↑ Has possessed/controlled PV various times on various occasions and has no regrets doing so.

✧ Mythomania/Pseudologia Fantastica.

✧ Enjoys drawing, scribbling, doodling and the taste/smell of crayons [regularly uses them].

✧ Acts like a 5 year old having a sugar rush 90% of the time and complains non-stop if he becomes bored and will do too much to find something to entertain himself to no longer be bored, whatever that may be…

✧ Funfact: i love him to an unhealthy extent he's my son i love him oh my god my gallery of him is almost at 2000+ images.

✧ Has weird patterns all over his body [it's a part of his dough and he cannot get rid of it anymore].

✧ His hair is completely sentient for some strange reason [he could move individual strands if he wanted to like they're extra arms and hands].

✧ Can probably play the Accordion perfectly [referencing circus of shadows…]

[fandomsniper]

so this is my take on human Caine

keep in mind that this is all my headcanons and imagination, and I'm going with the theory that he is an AI and he wasn't a human before

(again it's my hc!) also minor tw for drvg mention

so going with that logic, man is an AI, for his whole life all he was, was lines of numerical codes and suddenly he's thrown into this world and becomes a human, as we all are aware a human body needs to comply to the laws of physics, biology, etc., it has needs that need to be taken care of for it to function right which an AI in a digital world doesn't need to do so imo all of that had to mess with his head a lot, I think that there is a high possibility that he would experience some kind of body dysphoria, he would feel that this isn't HIS body, that something isn't right, something doesn't fit etc., that would be pretty logical

complete change of how his brain operates (idk what he had as an AI but let's also call it a brain lol), human body operates on five basic senses, which is something that he didn't have to submit to, the list of "senses" he had as an AI in a digital world is probably long as fuck and now he has to lean on only five basic ones? that gotta suck and be absolutely difficult (which should be obvious, imagine suddenly becoming blind or deaf, now you need to learn to operate with even less senses than you had, fucking sucks), back in the digital world he could do practically everything with little effort and now? he is limited by this human body/world and all the laws it needs to obey

still on those senses, I think they are all over the place because of the sudden change so he would be prone to sensory overloads or something like that

he literally needs to learn all social rules, written and unwritten, and overall the basis our world works on, which we had YEARS to learn about as we grew up, and yeah as an AI he had some info about humans and our world 'cause he had direct contact with us back in the digital world but it wouldn't be even close to enough to live here among us (heh) completely out of nowhere

because of all of this, I think that he would be a total train wreck and he would be very prone to fall into some unhealthy habits, like for example imo he could easily get addicted to drugs (idk what kind tho), he takes some pills and he can "get back" to his old life at least for a moment? sign him up! for that short period of time, he could feel "right" again, he could have control again [I'm also leaning towards the idea that he could develop some kind of control issues considering who he was back in the digital world as an AI], drugs give you a high which on you can imagine/hallucinate/feel a lot of things so yeah, he could easily get addicted to those, especially if his trips would revolve around him being back in his digital world, his home

and nope, it's not me projecting onto my fav character yet again, not at all (I'm a big liar)

but fr tho, I think it would make sense if he actually was an AI who was never a human and somehow he got out of the digital world with all circus crew

and I made a visual of him in a picrew! (if anyone will want it, I will drop the link to it)

I made some small adjustments in ibis paint lol, like the eye color and the roughly drawn Glasgow smile scars (for some reason it just fits him??? cause he was literally all teeth and it connected in my brain??? idk but my mental imagine of him as a human has those scars, can't do anything about it) + a bit longer lines under his eyes

he would look like he's in his really late 20's or early 30's

bonus, cause I found that t-shirt in the maker lol, Jax gave it to him

a playlist I made and some footnotes with fun hcs

he would love the movie "The Greatest Showman", can't tell me otherwise

I think he wouldn't have a specific music taste, no specific genre etc. but I think he would enjoy music from 80's and 2000's

he cried watching Bambi

his fav candy is Skittles

for the first two weeks the only thing he would eat was any variation of buttered bread, breakfast? toast with butter, dinner? buttered bread with salt, supper? toast with butter but this time with no crust, he would have continued this if Ragatha didn't step in and practically force feed him scrambled eggs one morning and then continued to do so with other foods until he stopped eating just bread

he likes Lady Gaga

he's not allowed caffeine, under any circumstances, never again, the circus gang decided that as a group

surprisingly, he enjoys horror movies

Jax showed him that one video of car driving through the hills (iykyk), he fell out of his chair

his room is very cluttered, messy but in this artsy-homey way

he picks on his skin a lot, especially when he's nervous and because of that his hands are covered in band-aids

he once saw Zooble smoke and asked if he can try, now he joins Zooble on "smoke breaks" because he picked on the habbit, Zooble kinda feels bad about it

[abloomingperiod]

him | kim namjoon

"hey, you listening?" you ask as you make your way out of the bathroom and into the room your fiancé was situated.

"yes" he simply answers, voice calm and eyes and hands leaving his book to look at you.

when your eyes find his, you stop - on your tracks and your train of thought - to drink on the sight.

there he was, the reason you’re even planning and thinking about what is supposed to be the biggest and best day of your life for the last three months, since he dropped on one knee to ask for your hand - and later, to give you a glimpse of why you’ll need more than a week for your honeymoon.

there he was, hair growing over his neck - less than a mullet, just like you asked him to grow it into -, bare and pretty face, big and buff limbs glowing as the warm, small light from your lampshade illuminated them. sharp eyes, yet so calm and serene gaze expecting your next words.

speaking of them,

where exactly did they go?

“honey?” his deep voice asks with a small side grin, which you want to slap him for. does he thinks he’s helping you and your reasoning, when all you can think about is how remarkably low it is?

him, him, him. everything about him. all about him. him.

“right” you come back to earth, hands on your hips, “so... about our wedding”, you start, but can’t help and feel funny under his gaze, shrugging it off with an old, stupid joke of yours, “let’s end it off- nah i’m joking, but for real-”

as dumb as it is, it never fails to rip a small chuckle out of your sweet soon-to-be husband, and you swear to god it’s the prettiest sound in the world.

if it was possible to fall in love twice with the same person without even falling out of the first time, you’re sure his laughter would be responsible for it.

and once again, you’re standing there like an idiot, watching the other idiot that knows exactly what he’s doing when his lower lip gets pulled back by his teeth, and you feel like a teenager for the tenth time in the last 3 minutes. “...you okay, babe?”

just let your thoughts win and grab him, for god’s sake.

“i can’t keep my hands off of you” you confess, arms giving up, sighing and faking a frustrated face that could never be convincing. not when your legs are already folding and making their way onto his lap, slowly crawling with your knees to the only place you never get sick of in the world.

him, him, him. his skin, his warmth, his embrace.

everything about him. all about him.

“now why would i ever want you to do that?” he asks smoothly, hands immediately finding your waist and burning up your skin. his eyes held such a welcoming stare, you wish you could just say ‘i do’ right now and have him all for yourself ‘til your last day on earth.

“no but i do have something to say” you remember yourself and him, hands finding his waist and caressing around it - waist, tummy, chest, bones, everything you could find and paint with your own touch. “i was thinking, and maybe, we should throw a little something before the actual wedding, you know? like a pre-wedding thing”

he observes you, head slightly hanging to the side as his curiosity get to him.

“not that i don’t think it’s enough or anything!” you assure him, fingers going through his small silver chain that held your proposal ring in. “you’re gonna like this, hear me out: we probably want to drink our asses off. that’s just how we roll, right? but i know myself, and i know my limits... i’ll be straight up with you: i don’t think my insides can take cake, korean food and alcohol the way i wish it would.”

and there it is, one more laughing sound of his, but this time, a louder, bigger one.

the dumbass is laughing at your costs, now.

“you really can’t function outside of the ‘8 or 80′ style, can you?” his right hand flicks your forehead lightly “dumbass.”

“pardon? i didn’t ask for a funny tummy and i certainly don’t want it messed up at my own wedding. that’s a huge ass reason to throw a small something a few days before!” you interject, quickly pinching his sides, earning a cute squirm from him. “plus, i don’t wanna be bloated when i’m wearing my wedding dress.”

with that, he just stares at you for a second, and lets out a fair question as his eyes narrow at your intentions, “you’re not plotting this just because of that, are you?”

another thing you could easily hold accountable for a second fall for him: his caring.

handling and watching you more intently than yourself, sometimes.

god, it’s almost embarrassing how much you love this in him.

“no. and you know that. i really do have a suck ass stomach, you’ve seen how bad it gets” you say, easing his sudden seriousness, and with that you smile at him “plus, i want other korean stuff turning my insides out...”

he interrupts you with most delicious laugh you’ve heard in a long time - since the last time he laughed this hard (last than a day before). “ “god, you’re gross! okay, i see your point.”

“i knew you would. now, this can be very s-small,” you get into the details of your plan and his hands betray his incredulous gaze, as they travel down to the small of your back and rest on your ass, softly caressing it an earning a small tremble in your voice. “less than 20 people, your closest friends, my closes friends, a bar with at least 5 of the 10 drink options we’re having in the menu... we can bring the same flavor of cake...” your eyes keep scanning his beautiful face and the loving eyes he gives you, admiring the thought you put behind your little plan. “we can even wear a tie and a small veil! so everybody knows about it! who knows? maybe we even get a free drink. gotta milk our options out, baby.”

at that, you expect him to give you one more nice chuckle, or even a light slap on the butt, but he decides not to. instead his hands press you against his own lower body, and his plump lips attach themselves to the side of your neck. you let out a small sigh followed by a light chuckle “i’m serious!”

“i know you are” he defends himself, lips travelling north to your jaw and cheek, leaving hard pecks, making you smile like you’re high “you’re irresistible, that’s all”

you know for a fact he felt your pulse stumbling, fumbling and failing as his lips kept kissing you.

“enough for you to say yes?” you take advantage of his sweet words.

“i’m marrying you, isn’t that enough of an answer?” he asks, facing you with the most whipped out smile you’ve ever seen. “sure. anything for you.” you smile wildly at him, heart throbbing and lips mumbling a small ‘thanks’ as you peck his lips. “i can search for that bar, too.”

god, why is he so freaking him?

of course he can.

“yeah?”

“yeah.” he responds, smile never leaving his mouth, cheekily giving you his trademark wink along with it.

“you..... ugh!” your hands tangle ins his hair and your lips attack his just like you did when he proposed to you. your kiss is urgent, desperate even, and still, he manages to laugh against it. he pulls you flush against him, chest to chest and heart to heart, hands dancing around your ass.

you could never get sick of this place.

“fucking love you. can’t wait to put this ring on your finger” you pull back and confess, lips ghosting his as you watch your hands travel back to his chain.

“you and i both” he agrees, eyes and hand mirroring yours, gasping a bit. “can’t wait to see you in that dress” fingers caressing your whole torso: spectrum, under-boob, ribcage, waist, “and take it off.”

oh, are you longing for that honeymoon.

“and you will” you peck him again, “‘cause now i don’t need to care about my tummy”

his laughs fills your room and your eardrums with the most beautiful sound you can point out. his head fall back to the wall behind and his eyes close, and you wish you could have this sight and this sight only for the rest of your life.

“yes, your tummy is well taken care of”

“and that’s for you, too. i need my newly husband a hundred percent conscious and collected for the after party”

he lightly tsks at you "if i were you, i’d wish the opposite” he slowly grabs your ass and kisses the back of your ear. god, he feels like a delicious poison. “plus, i don’t think i can stay collected after watching you down that aisle.”

“you and i both” you repeat his words, head resting on his shoulder. “thank you, i owe you one.” and leaving a small kiss on his jaw.

“show me the dress?”

“never.”

“but i’ll search for the bar.”

“you did that on yourself.”

he jokingly scoffs and mumbles a small ‘fine’, and you fall in love with him all over again.

“but i’ll give you a hint. it’s white.”

“shut up.”

“make me.”

and he looks down at you, small smirk painting his face.

“yeah? wanna pay it back now?” he asks mischievously, as his finger trace your lower lip.

“i just might” you respond, kissing his thumb. his eyes hold a darker tone, and as your bodies almost mold into one with the proximity you’re in, you can feel just how much he might want it.

“...still wanted to see that dress, though.” he jokes, and you return to your position facing him, lightly slapping his rigid chest. he catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, softly kissing it, and travelling to the back of your hand.

“that gives bad luck, dumbass.”

as he keeps kissing your knuckles, his other hand ghost over your thigh, enticing you and making you shiver deliciously.

because that’s what he does. namjoon makes you stumble, tremble, flutter, shiver and fall.

him, him, him.

everything about him. all about him.

“you’re all the luck i need.”

him, him, him.

[istherewifiinhell]

grand finale baby okay. (what do u mean their are 80-300 more of these...)

[ID: Optimus looking up to a hole in the ceiling, a beam of light filtering through, rubble around him. He says "That was Megatron's way of letting us know he has come!" END]

badum tssk 🥁🔔

its marvel tf no 4! or 7-8 in uk reckoning, winter of 84, the cartoon is now on air!

okay lets hear it- Writer: Jim Salicrup, Pencils: Frank Springer, Inks: Ian Akin & Brain Garvey, Letters: John Workman Colour: Nelson Yomtov, Editor: Bob Buduansky, EiC: Jim Shooter Digital Re-master by Digikore Studios Limited. Collection Edits by Justin Eisinger and Alonzo Simon. Editorial notes and assistance by Mark. W. Bellomo

it wouldnt be some 80s comics without some pain so lets get hurting

[ID: Caption box: Meanwhile, at a ballet class attended by Buster's girlfriend Jesse… A gratuitous panel of four presumably teen girls in sleeveless leotards looking out the window. Jesse asks "What is it?" One answers "Looks like the Rolands are leaving town! They've packed everything --including the kitchen sink!" Close of three looking out the window, mild expressions of shock on their ingenue faces. The speaker continues "I really can't believe anyone would take this robot business seriously!" Jesse cries a single tear thinking "There's no escape from this Madness!" In the dance locker rooms, Jesse stands in elegant contrapposto of distress thinking "I thought coming here would take my mind off Buster--fora little while, at least. But knowing that he's risking his life to save his father is eating me up inside! Guess I was only fooling myself! I can't stop wondering if I'll ever see Buster again!" Caption Box: While back at the ark… Buster kneels over his father, fingers to his pulse. Optimus, looming in the fore asks "Is your father still functioning?" Buster pleads up at him "My father's not a machine! He's flesh and blood! And if we don't get him to a hospital fast--he'll die!" Ratchet in the back says "Perhaps I can help!" END]

sorry thats as long and as hateful as i ever intend to be here. boy i hate comics tho...

this episode of transformers is brought to you by: jarring cuts!

[ID: A military jeep driving, a human voice inside it says "I'd give anything to get a little sleep, but if you and this truck aren't delivered to the 4067th M.A.S.H unit in time, my goose'll be cooked! This is all your fault, old friend! If you weren't such a hotshot mechanic they wouldn't need you to repair their ambulances.' END]

[anime girl image] MASH REFERENCE 🎊🎉🥳 (yes sparkplug will be having war flashbacks the whole comic. technically. theres a point to it)

[ID: Two EMT's get into the front seats of Ratchet in alt mode. Passenger: This is the only ambulance available, and we need it. Ratchet: What? Driver: Did you hear that squeak? Passenger: We'll get it fixed after we bring back that heart attack victim! As they drive off Ratchet thinks: These men seem to mean well! I'll just keep quiet and help them! After all, it's the least I can do as a doctor-- even if an earthling is my patient--and it's better than waiting! END]

oh by the way ratchet is just parked outside the hospital cause he drove sparky there. what a nice fella. also im not showing any of it but actually the AUTOBOTS are the ones that hurt him... like. accidentally but they werent being.. VERY NICE either. bad vibes all around.

[ID: Various dinosaurs in a cretaceous vista. A character narrates. "In a volcano-ringed valley, inhabited by weird, alien creatures, some even larger than ourselves. The drone found its answer…" A single transformer walks fully over one of the dinosaurs in the clearing. The speaker continues "The cybertronic life form was none other than the Decepticon known as Shockwave!" Editors note: "Long-time marvel readers will recognize this place as the savage land, prehistoric domain of the present-day Ka-zar!" END]

(sees 5 specific kinds of dinosaurs) OH BOY OH BOY. shut the fuck up marvel editor. THATS DINOBOT ISLAND where my friends the DINOBOTS live. jeez... also shockwave bigfooting it up, as tfs are wont to do.

anyway get ready for the meg.op comedy hour

[ID: Ironhide shouting: What are we waiting for? Let's get him! Optimus: No! That's exactly what he wants!-- so he can pick us off easily! Let him come to us! END]

[ID: Caption box: One after another, the Decepticons enter Mount St. Hilary, pushing the attack… Megatron stands in the left fore, his troops in the mid, and Optimus high on distant hill on the right. He calls out: I'm coming for you, Optimus. Our war is nearly ended! He thinks: Too many of my men stand between me and Optimus! My fusion cannon would destroy them as well! Bah! A small price to pay to rid myself of my constant foe forever! END]

normal thinks to say and think megs. wow

[ID: Optimus large in fore, looking same direction the camera is focused. He and the other Autobots shaded in dark purple and black. The Decepticons, in full colour, seekers flying above, and the rest charging down the middle, all firing weapons. Megatron yells "Prepare to be DESTROYED!!!" END]

HEY. THATS NOT HALF BAD. a panel with dynamic composition and values that direct the eye??? I CANT BELIEVE IT. also i just noticed. lets all thank soundwave's head being obscured in this panel. THEY LEFT IN A PURPLEWAVE!!!! he endures... seek him out where the remaster dare not go.

[ID: Megatron firing his fusion canon, shouting "You're mine, Optimus!" Optimus yells in pain, his arm melting, and his gun dropping to the ground. END]

as im always saying...

anyway yeah the autobots win in the end cause sparkplug sabotaged the fuel he made for them, JUST LIKE HE DID WHEN HE WAS A POW IN THE KOREAN WAR... jesus. comic of people who like. have heard how drama is supposed to work, without perhaps. really getting why it works. at least it looked nice...

fucking hell. anyway and then shockwave shows up and tramples the autobots. THE END

[ID: Printed comic. Caption Box: --Into Shockwave! Shockwave stands in full view, light emanating behind him, rubble, and injured Autobot's at his feet. He speaks "After four million earth years I have accomplished my mission-- The Autobots are no more!" END]

(dont he look great in printed purples. mwah)

[ivant1ll]

5 Barely Functioning Adults Don't Mix Well (Obviously)

ALNST modern AU . . . AO3 LINK IF PREFERRED

word count : 3823 - so i wrote this like a month ago and i thought it would be nice to post it over on here since im kinda getting back into posting atm ! 1! only mizisua & ivantill rlly mentioned in this fic btw im not too big on hyuluka so i don't really include them in fics soz (they're all autistic btw- GETS SHOT)

Who would know that a note, a single ink stained piece of paper could become the death sentence for the whole house.

“Needed a small ‘me day-’,”

“God, even the way he says ‘me day’ makes him sound like a mom.” Till cuts off Hyuna reading the lined paper laying on the kitchen counter. She rolls her eyes and shoots him a small grin as she continues.

“I’ll be gone for the day, make sure to take care of the house while I’m gone! Please….”

There are now large spaces in between the next 5 words, some of said words now going out the lined rows of the notebook paper. “Don't. Burn. Down. The. House.”

“Pfft- burn down the house, what are we five?” Hyuna discards the note onto the counter it was originally placed on.

“Well then, ya’ll, the fort's ours for the day! Simple as that, all we need to do is keep this place clean and keep our bellies filled until Ivan gets home.” Hyuna already triumphantly goes to lay on the couch resting her hands behind her head as if she’s already eaten her 3; multi-course meals of ‘victory’ for the day and all she’d need to do is wait for the sound of Ivan walking through the door.

If only it was that easy.

Sua and Mizi stand together in the middle of the hallway leading to the kitchen, deciding how they’re going to handle Ivan’s abrupt absence.

“Well I mean.. It doesn’t seem like too much of a mess is left as of now, we could all make a simple meal for ourselves too if anything, I don’t mind cooking us a decent sized meal either.” Mizi warmly smiles at her partner in light of her generous offer.

“Why don’t we just order pizza or something…? Seems kinda dumb to give us more of a mess to deal with-”

“Unless you’re willing to pay over 80$ for pizza, no. Till we are fully capable of cleaning up after ourselves and feeding ourselves as well. Frankly you should be the last one here telling us how or what we should be eating.” Till should know pizza is only for special occasions, they all get different toppings so they need their own separate pizza. Taking food advice from the king of instant and fast food is like getting healthy eating advice from the king of Candyland.

“Well god forbid I make shit easier,” Till rolls his eyes and raises up his arms defensively, “I’ll be upstairs just let me know if you make something or if Ivan’s back”, he quickly rushes back to the confines of his room.

Frankly, keeping a house in order seems easy enough for the group. Everyone in the house knows that, but they’d all be lying through their teeth if they said Ivan didn’t bridge that gap of functionality between all of their schedules, living habits, etc. He never even felt forced to take on the role, that’s the most shocking part. Depending on who asks him, you'll get 5 different answers for each house member as to why he’s the self proclaimed “House Malewife”.

“Mizi, you’re scared of the hot oil in the pan jumping out at you..”

“Well yeah, it’s sudden! It hurts too, of course I’d be scared!”

“Hence why having you cook, although a generous offer of you to help, wouldn’t work out for this dish I’m making. Seriously though, thanks for the offer.” Ivan flashes a smile at the dejected face of the kindhearted Mizi. Ivan won’t admit that Mizi loses track of the cooking utensils too much.

“Doesn’t dust set off your asthma, Luka? Here let me clean it, I can get the table too.”

“No it’s fine, don't worry Ivan. It’s never triggered in any outrageous way, I should be fine handling it.”

“No no Luka, trust me it’s fine! I was about to do some tidying up anyway.” Ivan begins to shoo Luka away. “I spend such a large chunk of time in here anyways I probably contributed to most of this mess!” Ivan chuckles a bit while he begins to dust down the center-console.

Ivan won’t admit he hates the way Luka arranges the things on the tables and shelves. Random books don’t go on tables, that’s not decorating, that’s just being disorganized. Yes books would look fine if they were sorted by color, but only if they were all the same size, this just looks abhorred and Ivan can feel his eye twitch when he looks at them.

“Hyuna! Hyuna!” Ivan physically can’t shout any louder. He quickly rushes to her speaker to turn it off, the deafening silence being the best thing anybody in the house could hear for once.

Hyuna quickly turns around, “Huh? Yeah what’s the matter Iva- woah…. You look upset. What happened? You don’t like this song?” Hyuna asks as obvious as it is why Ivan would be upset.

He takes a deep breath in attempting to ground himself,

“Hyuna… would you like to know who we just received a noise complaint from?”

“.... Uhhhhhh… Sua!”

“No Hyuna. Our neighbors, Sua left the house 45 minutes ago because of the music…! Please… please turn it down. Or you know what, even better, I like to clean with headphones on!! You go listen to your music in your room and I’ll continue cleaning from here.” Ivan begins to take the broom in Hyuna’s hands, she hands it over.

“Suit yourself, but if you need help, just lemme know. My bad about the music by the way, got a bit too into it!” She looks way too happy as she finishes her sentence, almost proud of the ear-piercing noise her speakers made. Ivan won’t admit he also hated how loud, obnoxious, and overstimulating Hyuna’s cleaning playlist is.

“Hey dear what ar- …. Till. What the hell are you doing?”

“Making cereal.” Ivan ponders a way he can respond that does not include smacking his boyfriend. His jaw physically cannot clench anymore as he speaks.

“In a pan…? On the stove…? I suppose I could say I’m impressed as well, seeing as you managed to burn it too, I can quite literally see the charred bits from here.” They both stood there in silence.

“You know what, I choose peace, I'm too tired to ask, I haven't had my coffee yet. Please get out of the kitchen.” Ivan exhales as Till shrugs, turning off the stove and just grabbing the cereal box to eat straight out of it instead of… whatever he was trying to do with the cereal on the stove. Ivan won’t admit Till looks stupid as fuck doing things sometimes. What was he even trying to achieve by what seemed to have been cooking cereal??

“Oh hey Ivan, can you please pass me the dressing for this salad I’m making?” Sua is making herself a garden salad, she looks as peaceful as peaceful can possibly get.

“Oh yeah sure th-” Ivan notices the empty lettuce core left on the table.

“Hey Sua, can you please let me know if you’re using up the entirety of something in the fridge? I needed that lettuce for the tacos I’m making tonight..” Ivan passes the dressing to Sua.

“Oh, sorry about that Ivan, yeah I’ll make sure.” Sua takes her bowl and walks over to the living room to eat. Ivan won't admit that as independent as Sua is, her being a vegetarian gets in the way of meal planning… a lot… nor did she even offer to buy more lettuce.

Knowing all this, it becomes obvious to just about anybody why Ivan would need a break from the house for a bit. But unfortunately, the house members aren’t just “anybody”. Yeah they know Ivan does a lot of housework and would deserve a break, but not any of his extra grievances that caused him to be so committed to taking on so much of everyone's chores. Sua sighs as she turns to Mizi.

“So.. what should we make?”

“Oh well… anything you make is good so I wouldn’t mind whatever!” Sua almost forgot Mizi is the last person she should ask about food or frankly anything concerning Sua that warrants an opinion. Mizi is too nice for her own good.

Sua sighs, still kissing Mizi on the cheek for complimenting her cooking. She turns to the other side of the room, “Luka. Food ideas, quick.”

“Huh…?” Luka suddenly regains focus on the situation, having taken a seat in the middle of the pizza negotiations. “I’m not quite sure, I’ll be just fine not eating so it’s whatever you’d wish to make.”

Great. Mizi’s too nice and Luka can go about a week eating a singular Cheerios’s amount of food, how could Sua forget. Asking Hyuna is already out of the question, she’s made it known she in no way can handle just about anything made within Sua’s diet.

“Meat is just something I cannot give up in the meal. I don't know and never will know how you do it.”

Even better, Hyuna’s strictly a carnivore and Till can’t eat anything that isn’t frozen, made in a microwave, or that isn’t fast food. Sua’s already tired, so forget cooking for now.

“You know what… you guys just let me know when you get hungry, let Till know if you do see him that I’ll be upstairs with Mizi and to let him know what I told all of you.” She exits the room with Mizi trailing behind her.

Hyuna proceeded to lay on the couch, lounging just as she had been doing before, Luka eventually turned over to her, “How long do you think the house is going to last?”

“You’re saying that like you don’t think we can handle ourselves. We’re grown ass adults, months! We can last here for a whole season if we wanted to.” Hyuna replies with a slight eye roll. Luka simply looks away in response, he doesn’t have the energy to clash with Hyuna nor does he think there's any good reason to have a genuine debate over the survivability rates of the household without Ivan. The blond eventually walks off to his room when looking around the connected kitchen and living room became uninteresting enough.

“We can last here for a whole season if we wanted to” is quite an interesting statement. Hell, it might have been seen as believable too, the house was quiet and peaceful. But, that statement would ring in Luka’s ears as the blaring fire alarm in the house would screech and scream loud enough for everyone to hear. He rushes out his room to the kitchen, which is conveniently right next to his door. Turns out that “screaming” isn't the fire alarm (the screeching was though, a fire alarm can do nothing more but screech), that screaming was in fact Till and Hyuna.

Looking down, the reason for the screaming and screeching and other loud and undescribable noises became obvious. The large skillet on the stove that was engulfed in flames. Both Till and Hyuna were scrambling around the kitchen, unbeknownst of what to do other than scream and try to get across incoherent sentences to each other.

“Water, cup, now!” Till screamed at Hyuna. Luka would have almost found it a better idea to pretend he saw nothing and go back into his room as if this wasn’t technically his house to begin with.

Hyuna bolted to get a cup of water, which Till proceeded to throw at the fire. The flames only began to consume the feeble cup worth of liquid and would grow in size.

“Why didn’t it work?!?-”

“You seriously think I know Till?????!?! Luka help us!!!” Hyuna cuts Till off, shouting towards Luka who is mere feet away from the chaos. He doesn’t respond. Sua and Mizi begin to rush downstairs as they hear the commotion.

“What happe-” Sua pauses in place. Mizi gasps and jumps back, knocking her partner towards the wall.

“Mizi, call 911 please. Till, go get towels so we can… try to cover the fire to put it out.” Sua is trying her hardest to keep Mizi calm knowing that if she begins to hyperventilate, she’d honestly start doing the same.

“You mean the towels from the hallway hamper that I put in the wash?????” Till’s eyes are wide as he realizes the weight of his horribly ironic sudden urges of responsibility in Ivan’s absence.

“Till. You mean to tell me that the one time you actually do the laundry is now???!!?!??” Sua’s enraged, irate in fact.

Whilst those two bickered, Mizi was on the phone with operators, and Luka stood in the middle of the kitchen, almost frozen in time. Hyuna suddenly ran through everyone with a large pot in hand. Sua quickly spots this and turns towards her,

“Oh Hyuna thank god quick cover the fi-”

She revealed at that moment the pot was not to cover the fire, in fact she threw even more water into the flames, it only began to increase in size, beginning to also engulf the paper towel roll that was just barely close enough to the stove to be set off as well.

“Hyuna! You can’t just throw a small amount of water on a fire that only makes it worse what the hell is wrong with you!!!” Sua has now raised her voice even higher than she would in even her most tensest moments, losing her composure even more.

“Well what the hell else am I supposed to do?!?!?” They all begin to dodge back from the stove, unsure of how unpredictably the fire could move at this point. The skillet that started this whole mess is now completely ruined. Great, the house is on fire and Ivan’s skillet is ruined, the other house members can only pray he’d even show up to their funerals after killing them all.

Mizi runs back over to the group after finishing the call, only processing at that moment how big the fire is. “Guys please what do we do!?” Mizi exclaims not being able to keep her composure. Mizi is now panicking, Sua is now arguing with Hyuna and Till for their lack of critical thinking skills, and Luka has gone into the closest thing to a vegetative state out of pure shock.

The door opens. Either divine intervention might just be real, or whoever is on the other side of the door found it quite amusing to watch everyone from the inside panic and flail around as the kitchen stove was on fire, and they decided to simply watch it until they felt like stepping in. All of their heads jerk towards the door, as if they had all been coded to do so, they all shout in unison

“Ivan!!!” Their savior is finally standing at the door.

He simply stands there in silence looking at everyone and the… “mess” they had caused. Not uttering a word or even making direct eye contact with anybody, he walks straight towards the kitchen. Everyone goes still and simply stares at him.

He opens a cupboard, making haste while doing so to stop the fire from spreading any more than it already has. Grabbing a fire extinguisher that was quite literally right there and putting out the fire. He places it back on the ground after assessing if the fire has been fully taken care of. Bag and other miscellaneous items in hand, he looks around at the rest of the house members, who continue to stand there, not moving an inch. A pin in the next house over could be dropped and heard from the kitchen.

“When… did you have that..?” Mizi asks.

“Right here…?” Ivan responds quite nonchalantly. A bit concerningly relaxed too, almost as if the stove wasn’t almost fully engulfed in flames.

“You were going to tell us this when???” Till chimes in, sounding quite annoyed that this whole situation could have easily been avoided.

Ivan raises an eyebrow and grins a little, almost out of some sick amusement he’s deriving from this. “I’m quite sure I told you all a few months ago, this is Luka’s house to begin with, wouldn’t he know where it would be??”

They all turn towards Luka in response to this, waiting for a response from him, but he simply stands there in silence. The cherry on top to this fuck you pie, due to the situation unfolding, Luka had a shutdown and literally could not explain where the fire extinguisher was.

“Yeah… I’d suggest giving him a moment to calm down,” Mizi walks up to Luka, not close enough to possibly make him feel uneasy, but enough to get the message across that she’s attempting to communicate with him as passively as she can. He simply walks off and goes to his room in complete silence.

Ivan now takes a second to take in the damage done, looking at the charred skillet that is now completely unrecognizable, the stovetop which is now quite damaged, and finally, the faces of all his other housemates.

“Who started the fire?” He says bluntly, Sua and Mizi step back, Hyuna instinctively pushes Till forward towards his lover.

She points to him and exclaims, “Till did it.”

He quickly snaps back towards his friend, “Woah woah woah what the fuck dude you were literally in here with me too, hell you even played into the fire starting?! Don’t play all innocent now, you couldn’t even put out the fire you made it worse actually-”

“Till. Hyuna. What did you two do? I don’t want to sit here interrogating you all when we can easily solve this issue like adults.” He is now speaking through clenched teeth, what adult, nevertheless an entire group of them manage to almost burn an entire kitchen down and fail at any and every attempt to put it out?? Ivan can subside his inner consciousness to attempt to remain as grounded as possible.

Till steps forward, crossing his arms in the process, “Okay fine, I was trying to make myself something small to eat since I got hungry. I was gonna make a small instant meal, but I needed to set up the pan first.”

“Yeah but it wasn’t completely his fault Ivan, you gotta believe me! I must have turned the stove too high and none of us were paying attention enough after putting the oil in, cause next thing we know the whole damn thing was on fire!” Hyuna attempts to defend Till, even after initially betraying him.

“So much for ‘simple as that’ Hyuna, you can’t even prepare a pan properly, or use the right pan!” Sua scowled at Hyuna.

“Oh hush Sua, what we were making would’ve been much better than your herbivorous shit!” Hyuna retorts and Ivan shushes them all.

“Please. Shut up. So, if I got this straight. Till got hungry, you and him decided to prepare something small, used a whole skillet to make a single frozen salisbury steak, left the stove on too hot with oil in the pan, and almost burnt down the kitchen?” They all frowned at Ivan’s breakdown of things, as true as it was.

“Well I mean.. when you word it like that we look dumb as hell dude..” Till looks away from the gaze of his boyfriend, his hands slipping in the pockets of his hoodie that he wears around the house. “Look man, we just wanna be able to handle ourselves, I guess we got carried away though with it…”, he takes a deep breath in, almost as if it would pain him to utter these words no matter how important the person is to him that he’s saying it to. “We-”

“We’re really sorry Ivan! I should have been more on top of what everyone else is doing and I bet we look reallyyyy dumb right now- I promise we’ll learn how to take better care of the house when you’re gone since it’s not your responsibility to always do!” Mizi quickly interrupts, almost looking like she was going to simply burst if she couldn’t get out her apology any sooner.

Till points to the pink haired girl, “Yeah what she said, sorry I guess Ivan…” Till celebrates in his head over not having to come up with some long winded apology. Yeah he feels bad, but apologies are something he’ll never be able to muster up properly without feeling a weird pit in his stomach.

“I thought I could handle everyone and their needs as well as you can, but I suppose I couldn’t,” Sua lets out a slight chuckle trying to make light of things, “They kinda suck at this whole ‘living alone’ thing.” She grins at the others.

Hyuna leans back to elbow the girl placed at the entrance of the kitchen, “Well maybe if we didn’t have someone correcting us like a school teacher during a literal house fire instead of jumping in to help we could have put it out sooner.” Hyuna sticks out her tongue at Sua as she walks back up to Ivan, “We’re really sorry man, I promise ya’ we’ll get our shit together and learn how to be functioning adults!!! But really dude, you gotta let us start chipping in more around here, it’s the only way we’ll learn how to properly handle ourselves.”

Ivan nods, “That… I suppose you are right about”, he flashes a defenseless smile at the others, “I’ll be sure to try and take the load off of me. I wouldn’t have needed such a sudden break like this if it weren’t for all of the stuff I put on my plate.” As much of a hater as Ivan could be towards the little things his housemates do, he can admit at the end of the day they do keep the house interesting.

The moment between all of them is suddenly cut off by the sudden blaring of fire truck sirens outside. Some members of the group jump at the sudden surprise,

“Oh… there's the fire department… so funny story Ivan right before you got here we kinda called for some help!”

Ivan let out a sigh, understanding that would be the most logical thing to do in that situation. “Someone go get Luka for me, check if he’s alright and tell him to come out front to talk to the department with me. Also everyone start deciding on something you all want to eat because… for obvious enough reasons we won't be using the stove for some time.”

As Ivan walks towards the door and outside the general vicinity of the room, everyone lets out a sigh of relief. Except a sigh of relief in the house wouldn’t be one without a catch, suddenly the voices of all of them exclaim with near record breaking speeds,

“I’m not paying!”

Great, who’s going to be paying for all this food?

[kariachi]

Skimming a transcript of What Are Little Girls Made Of and damn, no wonder that girl jumped when Kevin said he wanted her to stick around. Verdona goes 'hey, run away to another planet with me, a relative you've known less than three hours' and when she turns to her parents for help her dad is just 'well I never got the chance to run off to another planet' and her mom- of "polite people don't glow" fame- starts off with "we hoped you'd take after my side of the family" before going down the 'we won't stop you' path.

Because gods know that shit's what a teenager who just had their life turned upside down wants to hear. Not 'you should sleep on it' or 'slow down mom you've been back like an hour' but 'I never got this chance' and 'we hoped you wouldn't be like this' and 'we won't stop you going'.

And of course Verdona just immediately 'that's that settled let's go' with no actual input from Gwen because she's like that. So Gwen runs off because everything is a lot, and the boys follow, and then Ben decides to be supportive. By telling her that yeah they'll miss her if she leaves for possibly forever, but it's okay because they'll easily be able to replace her on the team.

Just, Benjamin.

This is what happens when you're too focused on 'must be supportive' that you fail to read a fucking room. Of course Gwen immediately goes 'then I won't go' when Kevin says he wants her around, because she's got her grandma going 'fuck this shit come with me and you'll actually be happy', and her dad going 'this is opportunity I never got', and her mom's bullshit plus 'we're not gonna do anything to stop you going', and Ben immediately segueing how they can replace her- Poor girl is overwhelmed and uncertain and most definitely feels like all her relatives except the one who didn't give two shits until she showed the Spark are going 'we don't care about having you here or if we ever see you again'.

And then Kevin, who I am reasonably certain is a case of 80% selfishness and 20% being the only person here who can read a room, when asked if he agrees with Ben, says no. Say's he can't believe she'd even consider it. Says he wants her around.

And Gwen immediately takes it, because this girl is looking for fucking permission. Seriously. We've seen enough of the Tennysons to know they're a 'but they're family' family, and Gwen was raised to be very polite, and Verdona's a fucking whirlwind of a personality coming in like a tornado to flip her life and try to take her away, ten to one Gwen honestly at this point feels like all the pressure is on her to say yes. Verdona wants her to come along and while it's not their intention her family's attempts at support easily come off as 'are you still here?' And the things Gwen herself says on the matter, immediately going to how she'd probably be gone a long time, that she might not even come back, and her wondering if she even belongs- When Ben says they'd miss her she actually asks him if they really will. To which his response is functionally 'yes but we can replace you'.

Any doubts and uncertainties she already had, her family is just compounding them, and I think by the time she turns to Kevin she knows she doesn't want to leave. I think she always did, but with everything happening at once... I think she knew she didn't want to go, but was beginning to wonder if anyone would care if she did. She mentions having never felt entirely like she fit in, and with her mom's shit... Having everyone going 'yeah you should go right now we support you without question' just makes her feel like maybe she should go, whether she wants to or not, because clearly here, the people she's closest to are all but packing her things for her.

They don't mean to come off like that, they only want to support her, but they're so focused on supporting what they think she wants that they don't stop to learn what she does want, or even give her the time to figure that out herself.

Then she turns to Kevin. And Kevin's quote- "Why would you even think about it? I want you around."

And immediately 1) any doubts she's been having as regards going are validated in that 'why would you think about it', because she does not know this woman and is being asked to give up everything she does know on no notice for her promises, and 2) even if her grandma only gives a fuck because she's Sparky and her family are damn near shoving her out the door, somebody wants her around. The world won't just go 'whoo, finally got rid of her' if she leaves, at least one person would be sad to see her go.

Somebody agrees that this isn't just a 100% great deal we're so happy for you. Somebody will care if she's gone.

And that's all she needs, is someone to back her up on not going, and to make it known that she's wanted where she is. That the hole she would leave can't just have somebody else slotted into it and everything's fine.

And of course it's the guy from the broken home that gave it to her.

[verdemoun]

can i have more timewarp Javier info? just because im insane about him

Timewarp Javier deserves the world I will never forgive dutch van der linde.

Javier was the only timewarper who immediately burst into tears and started hugging everyone upon seeing the gang. Admittedly, if not for the fact they’d just watched him magically appear in the middle of a market, they might have doubted it was Javier because of how out of character it was and also pictures didn’t do justice to how much Javier had changed.

Not in a fatphobic way but in a what happened to the light in his eyes. How is his hair shorter than they’d ever seen it and yet so dry and ratty with split ends when it had once been something he took pride in. Why has every single year been carved into his face. Compared to Bill, John and even Dutch, Javier just seems old and tired to the 1899 gang.

Being around the gang in a weird way bought back the post-1899 depression and self-doubt back. Javier really took Dutch's 'change' the hardest. He stayed loyal to Dutch only for Dutch to still leave him behind escaping Beaver Hollow. He had been living for survival since then, not for anything he believed in. Had he ever believed in anything? Or had he echoed Dutch's ideals from the moment they met?

Once again, Papa Hosea to the rescue. He knows what it's like to feel like a fool for believing in Dutch - and even if he knew everything he does now, he thinks he would have kept following Dutch with the same blind devotion. Javier was no more a fool than any of them. Every day he wakes up beside his wife he's reminded what a fool he is: he went back to Dutch when Bessie was still alive. He gave up years he could have spent waking up beside her in favor of following Dutch.

Javier also struggled a lot with the sheer concept of timewarp because he's catholic. All the catholic boys (Kieran, Sean and Javier) went through the necessary crisis of 'does this mean God isn't real' because modern era isn't torture enough to be hell but if the closest thing to heaven is a 16" new york pizza then they want their money back.

One of his first regular outings leaving the house was he started going to church again. Kieran and Javier, two gays in the back row having a crisis of faith not for being gay but 'how the fuck did I end up alive 100 years into the future instead of Hell'.

Javier loves instagram. It's like giving a bird a mirror. He will doom-scroll for hours just looking at pretty things and understands the modern era concept of aesthetic long before even the 1899 gang have figured it out. Bessie loves that they've picked up an interior decorator. She has come home to Javier moving furniture around and it just works so much better.

Javier sees Kieran in a skirt once, gets the run down on how the concept of gender and sexuality, and immediately is running to the store because he NEEDS IT. He loves make-up (admittedly just because he is a bit vain and loves hiding his blemishes to Kieran's disgust) and is the crowned prince of hair products. Everyone's getting $80 bottles of shampoo and conditioner for their specific hair type for Christmas.

Because Javier was so depressed after he timewarped Hosea held off bullying him to get a job because he needed time to work through his grief and feelings towards the gang and get back to something he could consider himself again. Most of the gang actually enjoy having jobs and a reason to get out of bed and function but by the time Javier seemed in a good enough place to consider it, Javier was fully committed to the unemployed loser lifestyle and loved it. Bessie is fine with this but swears no more of them living off her paycheck she can only support so many and still have grandbaby spoiling money.

Javier in fact invented the 'can I rizz you up' 'sure' 'PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE' because man knows how to carry himself confidently and act suave but is actually a dork and a loser. This level of manfailure even effects his ability to flirt with Kieran Duffy, an oversized sweater wearing horsegirl who still has hay stuck in his hair. (Kieran in contrast is a clumsy disaster who is fully capable of having someone wrapped around his fingers with an artful pick up line).

Teaching Javier to drive was basically a crash course in Spanish. He doesn't hate driving but he has the worst road rage and will always say insults in Spanish instead. This has backfired many times with how much more common Americans speaking Spanish is in modern era.

Fishing is much more obviously a core part of Javier's personality. He has all the shit fishing caps. Javier and Kieran have fucked in the Bass Pro Shops pyramid. He does have a guitar but sometimes at gang catch ups he will be too busy talking about fishing to remember to play it.

The gang still love listening to Javier play. Javier hadn't played guitar since 1899 and playing again takes them all back to the good days before Blackwater.

Javier, alongside John, are the only ones who won't forgive Dutch. Javier lost too much of himself in his loyalty to Dutch and he won't forgive him for never coming back for him after Beaver Hollow. He won't risk losing the slither of happiness he's found to Dutch's whims again.

[rcmclachlan]

Hey R. C., unless I'm confusing you with someone else -- did you used to have a master list of all your favorite (red) lipsticks? Search function is operating as usual, which is to say, not at all, and my go-to fave was recently discontinued 😭 any chance you could help a girl out?

Nope, that was me! But it's been quite some time since I posted about lipstick, so thank you for giving me a reason. For anyone new around here, I wear lipstick every single day. Even when I'm not going to be seeing anyone. It's just part of my face now. So, it's safe to say that I definitely have some opinions when it comes to lipstick.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, so if you have any recs of your own, please leave them in the replies!

R.C.'s Lipstick Recs for 2023

Best in Show: Beauty Bakerie

I haven't made my love and devotion for this brand a secret. 99% of the lipstick I've worn over the last 10 years has been Beauty Bakerie's lip whips. These liquid mattes are the end all be all, as far as I'm concerned. If you apply them correctly and let them dry down (using a hair dryer on the cool shot setting will set your lipstick in record time!), you'll get upwards of 12-15 hours of insanely pigmented wear—even after eating the greasiest of foods, and you won't feel like you're wearing anything at all. My best time was 19 hours before it started flaking.

Best red: Mon Cheri

Best non-red: Gingersnap (my new favorite since I dyed my hair forest green)

Best Non-Liquid Matte: NARS Velvet Matte Pencil

If it's been hours and my Mon Cheri lip whip is starting to disappear around the inside of my mouth, I immediately use my NARS Velvet Matte Pencil in the shade Mysterious Red (a perfect match) to tide me over. The NARS pencil is a beautifully pigmented, long-lasting matte that isn't drying and doesn't tend to bleed or feather.

Best red: Mysterious Red or Cruella

Best non-red: Promiscuous

Best Non-Matte: Smashbox Be Legendary Prime & Plush

I was bopping around Ulta one day (as one does) when I happened to see this on display. It swatched so beautifully on my wrist that I couldn't leave without it. Plus I had some Ulta points, which made the price tag a little easier to bear. It's an incredibly luxurious lipstick, but be careful of how soft it is: it can break easily. This is one you should apply with a brush.

Best red: Bawse

Best High End: Lancome L'Absolu Rouge

I had some Macy's Money to burn and I decided to splurge a little. This isn't a cheap lipstick. At $35, it's one of the priciest lippies I've ever treated myself to (I'm a cheap bitch, what can I say). But, as the saying goes, you get what you pay for, and what you pay for is a beautifully moisturizing lipstick with incredible color payoff. Also it smells really nice.

Best red: Rouge Badaboum

Best Drugstore Liquid Matte: Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink

Completely out of character for me, but I was actually looking for a bright 80s pink when I decided to give this a whirl. I was so impressed with the color payoff and the staying power that I went back and bought it in a red shade. Be warned: despite its longevity, it's a very sticky matte. I have pretty good luck drying it down with the blow dryer, but it takes time and patience. It will get less sticky the longer you wear it.

Best red: Exhilirator

Best non-red: Romantic

Best Drugstore Non-Liquid Matte: NYX Suede Matte

I used to be crazy about NYX's Full Throttle mattes back in the day, but I think they were discontinued, which is a shame. The Suede Matte isn't quite as long-lasting as the Full Throttle was, but it's a beautifully pigmented and non-drying matte. And for $7.99, you really can't complain. I would wear this with a lip pencil to help prevent feathering.

Best red: Spicy

Best Drugstore Non-Matte: Maybelline Color Sensational Made For All

Okay, I confess: I only bought it because I was in CVS and needed to spend a certain amount of money to use a coupon, but I was pleasantly surprised! I don't really wear this one, but I did think it was beautiful when I put it on. You can be the judge.

Best red: Crimson Race

Best Lipstain: ColourPOP Fresh Kiss Glossy Stain

Lipstick is applied as a layer on top of the lips, but lipstains are meant to be absorbed by the lips so the color lasts longer. I don't tend to wear stains, but I really like how they look on other people. I've only tried a few, but the best one I found was ColourPOP's (with Fenty's Poutsicle coming in at a close second). I'm a sucker for ColourPOP's packaging and they were so cute in Target that I couldn't resist.

Best red: Cherry Up

[terrence-silver]

How many children would Terry like to have with beloved? Do you think it would change in different eras?

― Twig? Maybe one child at best, not because he doesn't want more. Oh, he very much does --- he seems like he'd yearn and ache for it theoretically, but in practice he would've been freshly back from the war, he's still immensely young in the grand scheme of things even after everything he's been through, possibly messed up and internally traumatized in more ways than one, survivor's guilt galore, growing pains of a multitude of types (involving an oppressive, demanding father of his own, maybe?) budding ambitions to fix everything, including his own perceived weaknesses by accumulating power and strength, and so yes, one child does it in this period --- if that. The timing is bad for anything else, because this is entirely a transitional and transformative period for young Terry. He is out to outgrow everything he figures made him...well...Twig. He's out to build an empire. Learn how to run conglomerates. Companies. Learn how to be The Terry Silver. Polish himself into someone tough. Worthy of respect. Fear. He's hellbent on training. On training his body. His mind. On helping John build himself up too, because he figures he owes him that much after the man saved his life in Vietnam, and so really, the prospect of progeny? Have to wait a couple of years, because Terry would undoubtedly want to be at the top of his A-game and settle scores regarding everything first. He's simply a perfectionist like that. Or rather, he's shaping up to be one.

― Now, Terry in the 80's might go right into another extreme altogether; this man would either proceed having no children and enjoying perpetual bachelorhood and the life of a Californian Playboy Billionaire bon vivant (someone who lives exuberantly well) or he'd just hit an entirely different contrast and want several children. At once. Now. There's no either or. It is everything or it is nothing. Go large or go home. He wants so many that a company (or a full Tang Soo Do class) can be named after them. Silver and Sons Branch of Dynatox. Silver and Children Inc. Terry Silver's Cobras. The world is his Oyster and he intends to dine with a big, decadent spoon and he almost views siring quite as many kids like one would view a competitive sport, except, Silver is out here to win a Gold Olympic medal for it (same as always), because beloved never really stops being knocked up. They give birth and not before long --- whoops, it happens again. First of all, wonderful way to sweetly be in control and ensure his beloved stays put and under his devoted thumb. Second of all, he relishes in seeing them so dependent and so his. Filled with him. Third of all, their pregnancies are a full circle of a self-fulfilling prophecy that function a bit like a natural aphrodisiac for the aspiring patriarch of ten, because beloved might turn him on so much he is already planning the next child before the first one is even born.

― Terrry Silver at his older age? Hard to tell. I think he thinks the opportunity for offspring has passed and that he missed his chance. That that chapter is closed, time being the great equalizer. That it is one of those things that slipped out of his control, and since the notion of things slipping out of control tend to haunt him and make him feel infuriatingly powerless to the point of being capable of making him lose his mind, the topic remained a bit of a sore wound and it was possibly in the back of his mind for decades, like something he still wouldn't give up on, because the man doesn't give up. Not really. So, when a child does happen...and these things, they never happen unplanned for the meticulous planner that is Terry, so let me re-phrase and say, when a child is a success, and somehow, at his age, he gets his first ever heir, it is like a newly invigorated energy stirs in him and he wants more. Craves it. He will have more. Because whatever he wants, he gets. So, really, he doesn't really stop at one. After the firstborn, a second one comes, and then he already wants a third because something dormant awoke in him and it doesn't intend going back to sleep. Terry might feel he won something, in fact, he knows it. In actuality, he is happy. Yes, this is happiness. This is legacy. There will be another Terry Silver yet, after him, and another one still after that and it is like he can vicariously live forever through that notion and The Valley and all his enemies in it will hear from him yet.

[kurokoros]

I hate complaining about Billy Hargrove because it gives off the impression that I don’t like the inclusion of morally ambiguous characters. And that’s not the case. I like S1 Steve because I think there’s complexity to be explored under the stereotypical 80s jock that the Duffers gave us. I like Doctor Brenner because he’s a manipulative piece of shit and the series wouldn’t function the same without him. I really enjoy Billy’s inclusion in the series in S2 and think he had a lot of potential to act as a foil to Steve and even Jonathan, to a degree. 

What I don’t like is how canon really tries to overcorrect in S3 or how the fanon attempts to read into subtext that either doesn’t exist or blatantly contradicts the subtext that does exist.

“The Hargroves are poor, so the hate against Billy is classist in nature.” But there’s no evidence to suggest this. Billy drives a nice car. We’re never shown the Hargrove/Mayfield family struggling for money in S2-3 like the way the show gives us proof that the Byers are struggling financially. That’s a core part of Jonathan’s character, it’s not a part of Billy’s. Despite watching Stranger Things several times, I’ve never once gotten the impression that Billy and Max were anything less than regular middle class.

“Billy isn’t a ‘good victim’ and that’s why people dislike him.” Until S3 there was no real indication that Billy was being abused on the regular. In the scene with Neil, Billy is snarky and makes it clear that Max isn’t his responsibility. That doesn’t make what Neil does any less deplorable, but it also doesn’t give the impression that Billy is all too afraid of talking back or pressing buttons. Parenting was different in the 80s. From personal experience, I know that there are a lot of 80s kids that are very cavalier about being physically abused for being disrespectful. For all we, the audience, know, Neil hitting Billy isn’t a regular occurrence. It doesn’t make it less shitty, obviously, but I do think that fanon attempts to make Billy’s home life more tragic than it actually was. Canon also does something similar in S3 to make Billy more sympathetic before his death, but I don’t find Billy’s writing in S3 to be very good. He’s possessed the entire time. He barely, if ever, interacts with Max, Steve, or Lucas--the three characters Billy should have been interacting with--and instead all of his interactions are with Karen Wheeler and El. It’s not a bad thing to have certain characters be sympathetic, or even empathetic, towards Billy, but the show completely ignores the conflicts between Billy, Steve, Max, and Lucas in S3 in order to make people upset about his death, rather than satisfied or plain apathetic.

I have issues with the way some people try to write off Billy being racist towards Lucas. Namely, that they try to pass it off as Billy actually just being protective of Max. Billy threatens to run Lucas, Mike, and Dustin over with his car just to fuck with Max before he has any indication that they know each other more than happening to be in the same class. There are a lot of Billy-centric meta that tries to argue that actually Billy is trying to keep Lucas away because it would make Neil go after Max, but I feel this gives far too much credit to Neil while taking responsibility away from Billy. Billy probably did get his opinions from Neil. That would make sense. But we have no reason to believe that Billy doesn’t just hold the same racist beliefs and that’s why he goes after Lucas. Attributing Billy’s behavior to an attempt at protecting Max is just willfully ignoring what’s actually happening, in my opinion. Not everything is actually subtext. Sometimes people really are just shitty without having covert motives behind their actions. Personally, I think that makes Billy more of an interesting character, with potential for growth, than if he was actually just trying to protect Max. It adds a layer of complexity, as shown in S4.

I also have issues with how the Max/Billy conflict is resolved in S2. I think the Duffers leaned too far into giving Max a cool girlboss moment instead of just allowing her to be a scared child. While it was fine to have Max try to stand up to Billy, I think the sedative being there was too convenient, and I think Billy proceeding to leave Max alone after that incident was wishful thinking.

TLDR: I think Billy is an interesting character, but the fandom and canon tries too hard to make him more tragic and less shitty than he actually is.