#during a fatigue spell i just cant function and i lose track of the time and the day and the world feels like it just moves around me
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#i need to like vent somewhere and this is as good a place as any bc tumblr hides long tags so pple can just scross past but#having chronic fatigue is so frustrating because im either asleep or exhausted and basic tasks feel impossible#during a fatigue spell i just cant function and i lose track of the time and the day and the world feels like it just moves around me#i have to save the little energy i have for feeding myself and maintaining my hygiene so sometimes i just lay in bed half asleep#i can either scroll through my phone or watch a video or something else that requires little movement or thought#bc if im not i might cry from how frustrated i am and how heavy my body feels and how sluggish my brain is and how slow my words are#and i just#comparing the really bad days to the really good ones brings a lot of melancholy bc the difference is so stark#on my best days i wake up early and clean my room and work out and get my hw done and go to every class and walk on campus#ill keep up with my laundry and dishes and ill go out with my roommates or meet with a friend or make it through a work shift#these are all such ordinary things that i take for granted when im well that i wish i could do at least one of when im unwell#i used to think it was laziness or stress or lack of sleep#i used to push myself to the point of feeling faint and get mad at myself for not being able to handle everyday life#i used to have breakdowns over my inability to function and have my parents list off all the things i was doing wrong that made me tired#i asked my mom if maybe i should go to the doctor and get some tests and she would tell me that theres no magical cure#that if my tests came back with nothing wrong then what would i do#even now knowing im developing a thyroid issue i find myself angry that there are days i cant do anything because of my fatigue#i would give anything to be functional even 80% of the time#ive never known what its like to not be slightly tired and unfocused and uncomfortable#its depressing
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