#i would be more angry at myself than at her

[lastoneout]

Also another more recent one here!

While wider studies are needed, it does feel really insidious that stimulant medication is misunderstood, demonized, and so strictly regulated that most of us have had to go without for days or weeks at a time sometimes multiple times a year or even EVERY MONTH, and in some places it's almost impossible to actually access at all while the truth is that it is quite literally life-saving medical care for those of us who need it.

I've left the stove on three separate times when unmedicated and I was VERY lucky that none of them resulted in carbon monoxide poisoning or me burning my house down. I've also nearly electrocuted myself or walked into traffic, being off my meds legit feels like all my senses are dulled, I'm far clumsier which leads to injury, forget important things like if I've taken my other meds, meds that if I go off of suddenly or take too much of can cause severe health problems. I've heard horror stories of how hard it is to even just drive safely with unmedicated ADHD and most people don't even realize how unsafe it is until they've gone on meds and learned what normal driving is for a neurotypical person. And the list goes on. Hell, being unmedicated can even lead to losing our jobs, housing, or access to food and support systems, and makes it way harder to keep your house clean, all of which also lead to an increased risk of injury, illness, and death. I've missed rent more times than I can count, racked up credit card debt, had my utilities shut off, all because I just can't fucking remember to pay bills on time without my meds, I've missed fucking black mold in my shower, accidentally eaten food out of date, gotten way too drunk without realizing it, it's a nightmare, it really is.

I really just hate thinking about how many people with ADHD have likely died or been seriously injured or suffered due to simple mistakes that they never would have made if they were properly medicated, and it makes me so angry that ADHD treatment is so hard to get almost entirely based on bullshit scaremongering about addiction. In fact being medicated puts ADHDers at LESS of a risk of turning to alcohol and drugs to make our lives manageable, and it's nearly impossible for someone with ADHD to get addicted to a stimulant medication anyway.

(Not that addicts deserve what happens to them, they need help and support as well, everyone deserves human rights and to have their needs met, this just is a completely fabricated problem when it comes to ADHD and it's normalization is legit killing us. My mom has also nearly died due to not being medicated and she to go through like four different licensed psychatrists until she found one who would actually prescribe ritalin for her, the rest all cited risk of addiction as a reason to deny her even though they should fucking know that isn't a legit concern. One even said she just "didn't want to be held responsible" for her patients forming addictions to ADHD meds. I wonder how she'd feel if she was held responsible for all the suffering her desperation to keep her hands clean has almost certainly caused.)

And tbh I'd also rather a million people get high off adderall than have even one person with ADHD miss out on medical care that can save their life because disabled people shouldn't have to suffer to make up for shit we basically can't do. Why should someone else abusing adderall mean I have to risk my life and go without. Make it make sense.

It is actually way better for 100 addicts to get their fix on pain pills than a single person in pain go without. I call this the "Torture is bad" principle. You should be able to get the good stuff forever after a single doctor's visit. If you're worried about addicts fund rehab centers and needle exchanges instead of torturing people.

[yutarot]

ride or die. l.jn smau

018 — for her, i am.

(a/n: u might wanna grab some popcorn for this one.)

JENO POV

“i know who leaked my secret.”

he had said it so quickly that he forgot the words had even come from his mouth.

jaemin stares at him, eyes wide in a mix of shock and weirdly, sadness.

but then jeno realises why. he had let jaemin be bullied, staying silent as all of his friends attacked him. he had done nothing.

jaemin didn’t care that jeno knew who it was, he didn’t care who had ruined jeno’s life, because jeno had ruined his. he thought that jeno thought it was him, he had assumed that’s why jeno did nothing, out of hatred, out of anger. but now, now it made no sense. jeno was meant to be his bestfriend.

jeno became angry at the thought. not at jaemin, but at himself. and he hadn’t even explained to him the whole story yet, he hadn’t even told him who it was.

jaemin spoke first after their silence.

“you better start explaining.” jaemin says, and rightfully so. jeno feels as if he should had done the explaining a while ago, he wanted to. but it all happened too quick. he never got the chance.

he doesn’t know why, but he feels like jaemin and him aren’t going to be the same after this. not after what he’s about to tell him.

jaemin grows inpatient, angry even.

“come on, jeno, im not gonna sit here and wait for the fucking grass to grow!!”

jeno says nothing still, and this only makes jaemin’s anger worsen. but he just doesn’t know what to say, how to word the sentence that will ruin their friendship.

“WHO WAS IT JENO?” jaemins grabbing his shirt at this point, and there’s nothing he can do but close his eyes and take it. “WHO WAS IT YOU HAD TO PROTECT SO MUCH TO THE POINT WHERE YOU HAD TO LET ME GET PUSHED AROUND, HUH? WHO SPILLED YOUR FUCKING SECRET, WHO DID YOU FEEL WAS SO SPECIAL TO YOU THAT YOU COULDNT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE?!! WHO WAS IT, JENO?! WHO W-“

jeno’s heart races. his fists clench. his arms tense.

he snaps.

“IT WAS ME!”

jaemin stills.

he lets go of jeno’s shirt.

his eyes never divert from his, his last breath never leaving. they both stand in the apartment lobby, the cold air of outside, breezing through the window, half cracked open, the distant buzz of the vending machine whirring in the corner and the deep hue of the midnight sky absorbing the light from around them.

they’re silent, they’re still.

neither of them dare to speak.

until jeno notices jaemins face.

it’s not anger, it’s not sadness. it’s pity.

“it was me.” jeno’s voice is lower now. “i leaked my own identity.” he looks at the floor, in both solemnity and shame.

“why?” jaemin asks. “why would you do that to yourself?”

“i didn’t know it would spread so fast. i posted it on an anonymous account before my race. i wasn’t expecting it to be spread so quick, let alone on national news. i thought it would be slow, i was going to tell you, i was going to tell everyone. i had decided i didn’t want to be samo anymore. but the speed of it all… i wasn’t ready yet, i hadn’t prepared yet, i hadn’t told her.”

jaemin stills at the mention of you.

“so that’s why.”

jeno nods.

“you’re an idiot.” jaemin says, throwing jeno’s words back at him.

but jeno isn’t laughing.

“for her, i am.”

that’s where he realises the gravity of it all. that both of their deception had all come down to the route of one thing, of one person.

you.

jeno continues. “do you know what she told me when we first got into that fake relationship?”

jaemin shakes his head.

“she told me that she didn’t understand why i liked living as samo more than jeno. and usually, i did. i loved living as samo, it was the only time that i was able to really be myself. but when she came along, i realised something. i realised that i didn’t want to be samo anymore, i wanted to be the person that she knew. technically, she knew samo, yes. but it was me, as jeno, that she truly knew. and when she told me that i should just live as jeno, avoid all the public attention and just go outside without a mask, i realised that she was right, that that’s who i wanted to be. i wanted to be me, because of her. so when she told chenle who i was, i should have been mad, i should have been pissed. but, truly? i was relieved. she had done the first step of my journey herself, i could break off the deal. i could explain that i didn’t care about it anymore. i could explain that i wanted to date her for real. but i didn’t do any of that. i was still angry, i was angry at the reason why she had told chenle. he ruined it all. i couldn’t explain it to her, what i really wanted. because she liked him. and it only confirmed my suspicions when i found that stupid fuckers hoodi-“

jeno realised he had be talking for too long when jaemin began to smile.

“oh man i’ve been waiting for you to say that for the longest time, that you want to be yourself.” he pulls him into a brief hug as he speaks, as if he hadn’t even heard the second half of jeno’s rant.

after a second, jaemin pulls away before stating the obvious truth of what’s staring them both in the face, “if only it wasn’t because of her.”

reality dawns on him, pushing on him like an incoming storm. “im sorry jaemin, but ive made up my mind.”

jaemin nods, expecting jeno to say more. but he doesn’t, he just walks to the elevator, clicking the floor to their dorm. jeno hopes that jaemin forgets all about you, that he puts his feelings for you aside. but he knows jaemin too well, he knows no matter how much he tries, jaemin will never forget you.

“you getting in?” jeno says, a smile plastered on his face.

jaemin grins back before running to the elevator to join him.

jeno was going back home.

well, he will be once he fixes things with you.

jaemin lets out a sigh, seeming deep in thought. “you sacrificed everything for her.”

jeno looks at him, an understanding of what he means by this.

“jaemin-“

“i’ll take the fall for it.” he says, a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes. “you don’t have to tell them it was you yet, if you’re not ready.”

jeno panics, “i can’t let you do that. not anymore.”

“please let me.” he fidgets, watching the numbers on the elevator screen climb up, and up, and up. “it’s the most i can do.”

jeno doesn’t know what to say, just like before. so he does the easiest thing. even though he knows he shouldn’t, he does what he knows he’s going to regret.

the elevator dings to a halt.

he lets him.

a sacrifice for a sacrifice.

previous : mlist : next

notes; it’s been so hard tryna keep this secret guys u have NO idea

taglist — open! @jenohyun @jirsungs @do-you-remember-summer-127 @ddolbyong @stqrgr7 @thatsatricky1 @sunghoonsgfreal @nattan127 @ssweetreveries @flamingi @chenlesfavorite @peterm4rker @snoopyjimin @akunoeyebrows @junviadinho @slayhaechan @f6llsun @multifandomania @cookiehaos @catecita @mrsjohnnysuh @luv4jeno @hyuckies18 @dreamiestay @tangerinelovelees @jjaegyeom @https-yeonjun @nanaxwi @yukisroom97 @nosungluv @mrkleelvr @neocrashed @jaedgemental @apolloxxivmin @kyubing @catdonut657 @dudekiss3r @juyeonshour @hamjwis @antifrggile @mmjhh1998 @thegracerammy @jenocity23 @honeynanamin @bluedbliss @lampcults @yyangj3lly

[simmplerussiangirl]

Her Princess

Part one

Ambessa Medarda x Reader

Synopsis: The only daughter of the Ras family is exchanged with the Medard clan for a peace treaty. Thanks to her pride and the hard core inside her, she doesn't falls into despair and continues to live. She continues to live to take revenge on her family for literally selling her to a clan of enemies.

word count: 1.6k

cw: selfharm, hatred, aggression, death, defiant behavior, Ambressa is a sweet bun.

Part One

- Princess Ras, you are invited to the throne room.

 I knew this was going to happen. I was informed about this three nights ago, but my heart still did not believe that my own family would do this to me. Of course, we were not an ideal family, but rather the most ordinary, aristocratic one. With an infinitely angry and indifferent mother who hated her daughter, with a tyrannical father who, like the mother, did not participate in the child's life in any way because of his busy schedule and unwillingness. It seemed to me that we were not a bad family anyway. I guess I was just imagining it.

 I got out of bed, straightening my clothes.

I was wearing a light burgundy dress, the hems of which moved from any wind current, it was spectacular, just the kind I needed. And also, more importantly, it was in the colors of the Medard clan. I wanted my parents to realize that I knew. I knew what was going to happen today. But, nevertheless, I forced them to make that cherished speech on their own, looking straight into my eyes.

As I walked along the corridor, I took one last look around my ancestral mansion. There was no fear inside, I knew I wouldn't be killed or tortured. Firstly, I am quite a valuable exhibit because of my abilities. Secondly, I would kill myself faster than anyone would want to bring me harm. I will not allow myself to die at the hands of the Medard clan. Never in my life will I allow it. I will not give such joy.

 A flame of hatred burned inside me with every step I took. Each heel strike against the marble floor was accompanied by a strengthening of inner resolve.

 Disappointment at what they'd done to me. It hardened me even more, preventing me from crying or fleeing. Rather, it pushed me to think of new ideas for revenge.

 I felt more and more confident, clutching the amulet around my neck that I'd inherited from my late grandmother. It carried no magical potential, but when I touched it, I felt myself fill with the strength to go on. To go on, no matter what. 

Already standing at the door, I was brimming with determination. No blade, no arrow, no word could break me, shake my confidence.

-Princess Ros. - I entered the hall with my head held high and shoulders squared. I wore a mask of infinite calm on my face.

 The room was quiet. There were no whispers, no sighs. There was no sound at all, even the ever-noisy clock mechanism was silent, and no candles crackled in the candelabra. Everything froze, as if at a funeral.

 The clack of my heels was like a hammer hammering nails into a coffin lid. I stopped in front of my parents, who were now sitting on the throne. But this time I didn't bow, just stared at them as if they were dirt under my feet. In fact, they were now. I had lost all respect for them, and even the thought of bowing to them made me gag. From this moment on, they were no longer my family.

 Behind me I felt Medard's warriors, led by Umbressa herself. I could almost physically feel their gaze. Uncomprehending, even stunned by my antics. I wanted to shrink and cower under the oppression, but I could not allow myself to do so.

 I looked at my father, who opened and closed his mouth, staring at my clothes in shock. It was beautiful. Watching the echoes of realization appear on his face. That I knew everything. Just waiting for him to ruin his daughter's life with his own hands. When he literally sells her out.

- "In the war with Noxus," his trembling voice broke the silence of the hall, and I saw him wince at his own weakness, "we lost too many soldiers, too many civilians, too many resources. And we made the decision to retreat, to sit down at the negotiating table. And we came to the conclusion that we would end the war and sign a peace treaty. On the condition that we give Clan Medard something of extraordinary value. Something that could replace our territories.

  My father stared at me unblinkingly as I stood there, smirking in his face. But what was going on inside of me...A storm of emotions, my chest tightening, tugging as if I were about to pass out. I wanted to cuddle up to someone and cry at how painful and hurtful it was to hear those words. To realize that they see me as a resource to be exchanged for something.

-Ambressa,- my father finally took his gaze off me and looked somewhere behind me. - I'm handing you my only daughter, Sophie. She is naturally endowed with an extraordinary gift of magic. I am sure she will be useful in your future operations.

 I heard measured footsteps behind me. Soon two of Medard's warriors appeared beside me and were about to take me under their arms so that I would not run away, but I just looked calmly into the eyes of one of them and shook my head slightly. They immediately lowered their hands without touching me.

 Ambressa stood a little ahead of me, her back covered in a multitude of scars that stood out strongly in white stripes on her skin. I looked at her with mild interest, for this was the first time I had ever seen someone so strong, much less a girl. I smirked at the thought that she could take on our soldiers by herself and not even get tired. Surprisingly, I felt nothing for her. No emotion whatsoever.

-I accept this...an offering of sorts. It was an interesting negotiation, glad we all got what we wanted. As of this moment, the peace treaty is now in effect. Have a good day.

 Without bowing, the girl turned and walked away from the hall. One of the warriors gently touched my shoulder, hinting that it was time to leave. But I had something else to do.

-Can I say goodbye to my parents? - I turned my head to the side, looking at the wall instead of at the general. My pride wouldn't let me turn around to look her in the eye.

-Of course we'll wait. Family is sacred.

Ambressa laughed a little at the comicality of the statement. I, too, smiled a little and began to slowly and quietly climb up to my parents, who were sitting on the throne. As soon as I reached a flat surface, my mother approached me.

-It's best for all of us, - she said dryly and unemotionally as always. Mother pressed me lightly against her, patting me on the back and pushing me away, as if my embrace and closeness might stain her.

-Absolutely.

It hurt to hear that, but I buried it deep inside me, not letting any emotion come out. Someday I'll cry about it. Someday, but not now.

My father came over to me, pulling me quickly against him. I smiled a bloodthirsty smile, anticipating my actions.

-I want you to know, - I spoke softly in his ear, hugging his back, - I've wanted this for the past few years. I've literally dreamed about it. - I knew my father didn't know what I was talking about yet, but that was just for now. - Remember when you told me that everything in the world boomerangs back?

 Quickly using my magic I created a fiery dagger that was suspended in the air. I heard a commotion nearby and sharply plunged the dagger into my father's heart. The man instantly collapsed in my arms and I threw him to the floor, a small trickle of blood flowed from his mouth, quickly drenching the expensive uniform, the floor and the hem of my dress. I instantly created an air shield around me and my father, which helped me protect myself from my mother, who was already running to her beloved husband in tears. Either wanting to kill me or spend the last seconds of her life next to him, looking into his eyes.

-So your boomerang didn't go as far as you thought.

 I saw the light of life go out in his eyes, but he couldn't even say goodbye to his wife because I wouldn't let him.

-I hope you burn in hell.

I felt my mother begin to thrash into my shield and saw my mother take her last hoarse breath and close her eyes. I, still remaining infinitely calm, got to my feet and took small steps down the stairs. I walked with my head held high, hearing my own mother's curses and hysterics behind me. I walked straight toward Ambessa, who stood with an impenetrable face. The girl might not have expected something like this, but at least she didn't show it.

 As I approached her, she held out her hand to help me down the stairs. I put my hand in hers.

 My life has changed 180 degrees in just a few minutes. I was traded for a peace treaty, I killed my own father, and I'm going after the girl who ruined my life. This is not how I envisioned my future.

I would be very grateful for feedback, as English is a language I am only practicing. I accept criticism in a milder form, do not break my heart, pls.

[fangirlstorycreator]

Alastor X Reader:

Context: When you discover it's Alastor's birthday, you want to suprise him with a thoughtful gift. But would it be one he'd like? And how would he show his appreciation?

Part 1/2

Shouting, swearing and things being thrown and broken had just startled you awake after a terrible nights sleep. Just like every other morning in the hotel. Why did Angel and Husk always have to be at eachothers throats? Just once, you'd like to wake up normally, without being disturbed. But, it wasn't like your afterlife was easy, it was hell. Groaning as you sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the tiredness from your eyes, still hearing Angel and Husk argue like an old married couple.

"Uugghh, please shut up you two"

This was the 5th time this week they'd done this. They didn't listen to Charlie when she asked them politely to stop, well, with your eye bags and pounding headache, they were about to be asked in a more aggressive tone. Once you were dressed, you made your way down the hallway, with a face like thunder, not wanting them to fuck up your sleep anymore. When you reached the top of the main staircase, you see Angel and Husk at the bar, Charlie desperately trying to calm them down, Vaggie struggling to get Nifty down from the curtains, and Alastor is sat on the sofa with Lucifer and Pentious.

"Angel, come on, let's just go for a walk huh?"

"Why the fuck would I wanna do that Charlie?! I ain't leavin till Whiskers hear says sorry to me!"

"I already told you! Don't call me Whiskers!"

"Then don't call me fake you stupid moth'a-"

"SHUT UP!!"

You scream down the staircase, making everyone go silent. The only ones who look slightly impressed are Alastor, Lucifer and Vaggie.

"For the love of god! You guys haven't let me get a decent night sleep all fucking week! I don't care what started this stupid little argument, but it's ending now! And I swear, if you wake me up with this stupid little war of yours one more time! I'll shove a vodca bottle so far up your asses, you'll be tasting it for a month!"

"There uh, there ain't no need to be like that toots-"

"Oh really Angel? There isn't? Tell that to my fucking headaches! You've both been asked by Charlie nicely to stop, but neither of you listened. Well now, your getting it from me! Both of you, grow the fuck up!"

".............I'm sorry toots"

"...Yeh...sorry"

Angel and Husk both say, embarrassed and unable to look you in the eye, Alastor and Vaggie just chuckle under their breath.

"Good. Now, I suggest you both make yourself useful and help Charlie by doing that project she wanted you both to help her with"

"Aww! But toots-"

"(Sturn look, raised eyebrow)"

"A'right, fine. C'mon Husk"

Charlie looks so relived, she mouths the words thank you before taking Angel and Husk to the activities room down the hall. When they leave, you exhale, rubbing at your temples walking to the bar, and grabbing a drink. In fear of you still being angry, Vaggie, Nifty and Pentious slip up the stairs. Alastor on the other hand, stands up from the sofa, leaving Lucifer and sitting on the bar stool infront of you.

"Bravo my dear! I am rather impressed. I won't deny, I came very close to doing something along those lines myself. But you beat me too it! And dare I say, in a much more entertaining fashion"

"Those two have been driving me crazy! Charlie's sweet, but those two need something more firm"

"I absolutely agree. I must say, it was quite possibly one of the most enjoyable moments I've experienced for quite some time. Even more entertaining than when Charlie's little father came along"

"Eh! I'm not little"

"Aha! You keep thinking that"

Lucifer scoffed, turning away and playing with a little yellow duck in a kings crown.

"I say my dear, you do look rather exhausted. Might a nap be beneficial to you?"

"I would if I could. Even when I was alive, no matter how hard I tried, I could never nap unless I was ill or on holiday"

"Well, why not imagine your on your holiday?"

"Alastor, have you seen where we are?"

"Hm, quite right. You have a point. Ah well, at least you mother'd those two imbesils into stopping their squabbles. They shouldn't make that same mistake again, not if they want to remain unharmed"

"I'm not usually like that. Just with a lack of sleep, I don't know what came over me"

"Worry not my dear, all of us hear know your not a spiteful or nasty person. In fact, since I've known you, I have often wondered on many occasions, why you ended up in hell rather than heaven"

"That's a story for another time Alastor"

"Of course, I wouldn't want to cross your boundaries. Ah! Would you look at the time, I must take my leave. I have a scheduled time to see my good friend Rosie. You remember Rosie don't you?"

"Yeh, the nice overlord from Cannibal Town"

"That's her. I'll tell her you said hello. I do hope you have a pleasant day my dear. (Kisses your hand) And Lucifer...eh..."

Alastor flips Lucifer the middle finger as he leaves, pissing him off, his horns slightly showing when his eyes glow red. They're relationship was just as bad as Angel and Husk.

"Just ignore him Lucifer, he just wants to get a rise out of you"

"Yeh, well it's fucking working. Hey? You mind grabbing me a drink?"

"Sure, what are you having?"

"Uuuuuuuumm? I'll have an old fashioned. Oh oh! And can you put it in a wide glass? I wanna float my little ducky in there"

You giggle at his cute request, he loved his ducks. After making him a drink, he sits next to you too, floating his little duck in the drink with a giddy smile and big shiny eyes.

"Hey, can I just say, Alastor wasn't the only one who liked the way you spoke to those two"

"I kind of guessed you did. Your eyes were darting back and forth between me an them. Like a child trying to listen in on a conversation he's not supposed to"

"Can you blame me? Other than the red asshole who lives hear, your the only sinner I've seen who has the balls to raise your voice in the hotel. And heck! I remember seeing you have a shouting match with that overlord Valentino a few months ago too!"

"Yeh, well, he hurt Angel. I'll always protect my friends"

"I know. We all know that. I think that's why those two listened to you when you scolded them. Your their friend, but you can be a stern mother figure if needed to be"

"That's so weird, both you and Alastor both said the word mother, I honestly never thought that word would be used to describe me"

"Well, it is now. I think this place needs a motherly figure. Even if it's to stop the everyday chaos that happens in this place. I mean, you remember when Charlie made that birthday celebration for Nifty?"

"Oh hell yeah, I remember. (shudder) Nifty's birthday was the definition of disaster"

"Yeh, thank golly that only happens once a year. But then, Charlie wants everyone to celebrate their birthday down hear, and that's probably gunna be even worse"

"Well, I doubt Husk won't try dousing his birthday cake in bleach like Nifty did. Isn't is Husk who has a birthday next?"

"Hm? I have no clue. The calendars behind the bar"

You grab the calendar behind the bar, flicking through it as you lean on the counter, Lucifer playing with his little duck as you read.

"Hm? That's interesting. Turns out the next person to have their birthday is Alastor"

"What?! Why do we have to celebrate HIM?! He's such an ass! Every single time he's hear, he always does something to piss me off!"

"Not everyone in hear hates him Lucifer. I know you and Husk do, it's understandable why Husk does, and with you, I think he just enjoys making you angry"

"Who the hell does like him then?!"

"Charlie does. Nifty, Angel enjoys trying to get a rise out of him sometimes. I like him too"

"Why?! He's a dick!"

"He's a dick to you. He hasn't behaved that way with me since we've met. If anything, he's been a real gentleman"

"Yeh, gentleman my ass!......Although, you do kind of have a point. I've seen him be nice to Charlie and Nifty, definitely more with you. You never know, he may have the hots for you. Don't fall for his bullshit if he does!!!"

"Lucifer, relax. You do know Alastor's Asexual right?"

"Huh?"

"He's not into sex"

"Not into!!-How the hell can someone not be into that?! Sex is awesome! I mean, me and Lilith back in the day, eheh, bow chick'a wow wow!"

"That's you Lucifer. Not everyone can like the same things"

"I just didn't know that about him. Right! I'm gunna tear him a new one about it!"

"No"

"What?!"

"Your not gunna do that"

"But why not?! I'm the king of hell! I can do whatever I like! Why-why'd you say no?"

"Think about it Lucifer. You'll be lowering yourself to his level"

"Oh shit, yeh"

"And your own daughter said this hotel is about bettering yourself. Don't copy Alastor's behaviour, rise above it. Have you ever heard of the phrase, kill them with kindness?"

"Well yeh, but how can-oooooooooohhh! I see what you mean!"

"Anytime he wants to make you angry, be positive. Because in failing to wind you up-"

"It'll drive HIM crazy! Yes! I love it! Thank you sweetie"

"Don't mention it. And, don't give him something condescending for his birthday either"

"Not even a duck in the shape of a big-"

"I know what your about to say, and it's a firm no"

"Nnuugghh ok. I'll....be nice to him or whatever"

"Good. Hey? Did I just hear your name?"

"Hm? Oh, I hear it too. Sounds like Charlie. I'll go see what she wants. See you later Y/N"

"See you Lucifer"

You can't help but chuckle, watching Lucifer jump down and dance towards the hallway, little duck in hand. Now it was just you, in blissful silence, ah it was wonderful. You knew it wouldn't last long, but it's nice to have it while you can. As you enjoy the peace, you look back at the calendar, seeing Alastor's name written on the page. You did wonder to yourself, what he would like, or even if he wants a gift? And his birthday was happening tomorrow, it was time to have a think. Later that afternoon, Alastor came back from his morning with Rosie, and saw you sitting on your own in the hotel lobby.

"Good afternoon my dear! How has the day been for you?"

"It's been nice thanks, Pentious and Nifty came through a few times, but everyone else seems to be busy doing their own things. How was Rosie?"

"Ah she was delightful, a lovely morning was had by all, haha! (Sits down next to you) What are you reading?"

"This? It's The Great Gatsby"

"Ah! I read that book before I died! I do believe it was published about 10 years before I ended up hear. It was a great read if I remember correctly"

"Did you know they made a film of it?"

"But of course! In 1926"

"Not just in 1926"

"I beg your pardon my dear?"

"Yep. They made it into a film two more times. The second time in 1949, and again in 2013"

"I say! One might think they would like to leave a classic alone once it's been put on the noisy electronic box. But they truly did it 3 times? I never witnessed any of them myself. The book shall be my only knowledge of the classic tale"

"To be honest, you weren't missing anything. I saw the latest film before I died, but I wasn't a fan. I much prefer the books"

"Aha! And that is why I truly enjoy your company my dear. Ahh, I sometimes believe you are the only person in this whole building whose company I genuinely like"

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"That's so sweet Alastor, thank you"

"Don't mention it. Actually, now that I have you hear for a moment, I did have a subject I wished to bring up with you"

"Oh? What's that"

"It's something I was waiting the right time for. More specifically, a time where none else was around to listen in on us. As you well know, I like to keep my life private, unless I choose to share it"

"I do"

"Well......as you are aware, aswell as a few of the sinners in this hotel....my....passions....desires.....they are not.....exactly the same, as everyone else. Case in point, my desires are almost on the opposite spectrum of someone like Angeldust"

"Yes. I remember when you told me about that"

"And while I do not enjoy or wish to take part in any form of sexual affection....it does not mean I retain from all forms of showing my appreciation. I don't know if you were aware, of me kissing your hand goodbye whenever I leave your company? And noticed that I do not do that with any other lady"

"I...may have noticed, yes"

"Well, that is my way of showing my affection to you. But there are times, I wish....I wish for your hand...to be your lips...."

"Alastor...I'm flattered"

"Thank you....but my question to you is....is this feeling...reciprocated?"

"(Blushing, tucking hair behind ear) It might be"

"My darling, if it pleases you, I would never much like to show you how much you mean to me. But as you know, being the radio demon and a powerful overlord hear in hell-"

"You'd rather keep what might happen between us, private"

"Indeed. But please understand when I say, it is not that I do not wish to be seen with you in public as my partner, I very much do. But if Vox or the other V's see you at my side as my partner, you may be at risk of being targeted by them, and you may be in danger because of me. I need to make sure I am strong enough to protect you against any of the V's"

"It's ok, I understand. To be honest, I'm not one of those people who loves to parade around the streets with a boyfriend. I'd rather spend my time with them, enjoying their company"

"Absolutely! But I promise you this, if this is something you wish to be a part of, we will walk hand in hand, side by side after a sensible amount of time. Once I know I am strong enough to take on and win against all the V's, I will not have to worry about your safety. Because your safety, my dear... is my highest priority"

"That's very considerate of you"

"(Chuckles lightly)"

Alastor's smile looks genuine right now, you can tell by how gentle his eyes were. Taking your hand, he places a kiss on the back like he always does.

"Alastor?"

"Hm?"

"I think you have a new target....don't you think?"

".....Aahh....my pleasure my dear"

Feeling his fingers delicately hold your chin, he looks deep into your eyes. Looking desperately at your lips, but lovingly into your eyes. He leans in closer, you can almost feel his lips, so close-"

"Hi guys!!"

You both sit back a little, a little spooked by Lucifer barging through the hotel doors, loud and proud.

"Whatcha both up to?"

"We were enjoying a peaceful conversation before you very rudely interrupted us! One might say, it was very inconsiderate to barge in on someone's conversation, without adequate reason"

"Ah get over yourself! This hotel's a free place! And my daughter runs it, so yeh! Hey hey Y/N! Wanna see the new little ducky I made today! Look look!"

Lucifer bounds over to you and Alastor, but only speaks and looks at you.

"Isn't he just adorable!!"

"Well, yes he is Lucifer. But uh? Why does he have a bottle of whiskey?"

"That's because I'm making little ducks of everyone in the hotel! It was Charlie's idea, but I like it! This one's the bartender"

"You mean Husk?"

"Oh! That's his name! I keep forgetting-"

"Excuse me! If you wouldn't mind, me and Y/N were actually in the middle of a rather important discussion"

"Oooooh! I'm so scared! What are you gunna do? Talk me to death?"

"Something like that can surely be arranged-"

Very quickly, you intervene, standing between them both when Alastor stood up, eyes darkening, and Lucifer smirking.

"Woh woh woh! That's enough! Both of you!"

"My dear, if he insists on causing an issue, I am in more than happy to deal with it"

"Awww! Is someone a little tetchy? Knowing your becoming an old man getting to you huh?"

"What?! How did you know I am to be-"

"It's on Charlie's calendar, dipshit!"

"That's it-"

Again, having to push them apart, this time, Alastor really looked like he was going to attack Lucifer.

"Alastor! Alastor look at me!"

You say calmly, taking his face in your hands, making him look at you.

"Look at me. Take a deep breath, in....and out...in....and out..."

If anyone else had asked him to do that, or touched his face, he'd push back. But because it was you, he didn't mind, and it was genuinely calming him down, even his eyes had changed back from black to red.

"That's it. Ok, we can finish our chat another time, but for now, why don't you just take some time to calm yourself in your radio station? You've told me thats your happy place. Please Alastor, please don't let this escalate anymore"

"........Alright my dear.......I'll take some time.....I shall see you soon"

His shadow engulfs him, sending him up the stairs and on his way to the radio station.

"Ah man, can you believe that guy? He gets so-"

"You know what Lucifer? I can't believe you!"

"Wait, what?"

"Didn't listen to a word I said today? About not lowering yourself to that level? Not doing to him what he does to you?"

"But I-"

"But nothing! You agreed to have a better attitude when your around Alastor and you've just thrown all of that out of the window!"

"I can argue with whomever I want Y/N! I'm the king of hell after all!"

"And your in this hotel to support YOUR daughter! Have you forgotten that? Stop acting like a child and at least try to make something work with Alastor"

"Why? Because you'll be disappointed?"

"Because this is Charlie's dream! You can't see how hard she's working to actually help people, and instead of doing what a father should be doing, your picking fights with Alastor! Stop acting so childish and help you daughter! I shouldn't have to tell you that!"

You can't talk to him anymore, and storm up the stairs.

"But Y/N wait! I...I AM trying to help Charlie"

"Then pack in whatever this is with Alastor, or at least try. Because it's going to be Charlie who's going to be affected. Just think about that"

Lucifer just stood there, frozen, feeling guilty, because he knew you had a point about Charlie and how hard she's been working to make this hotel what it is.

You on the other hand, slammed your bedroom door shut behind you, running your hands though your hair, headache pulsating in your head. This place would drive you insane some days. You throw yourself onto your bed, snuggling up with your pillow, wanting just 5 minutes of peace. But again, you lived in a hotel with many others. Three gentle knocks came to the door.

"Nngguuhh! Please go away....."

"(Muffled voice behind the door)....Toots? It's me. Can I come in?"

His voice sounded so innocent, sweet. Normally, Angel would be all proud, sometimes seductive with the way he spoke, but this sounded genuine.

"Yeh. Come in"

You say, sitting up on your bed, seeing Angel enter your room with a little smile.

"Hey. How yah doin?"

"I've been better. I just can't shift this headache"

"Well hear. (He says pulling out a packet of paracetamol) Maybe these will help?"

He sits down next to you on your bed, handing you the tablets.

"Thanks Angel"

"It's no problem. Hey uh...I just wanna say sorry for the way I've been actin recently. I dunno, I guess Husk just brings out that side of me. I swear, I didn't know I was wakin yah up"

"It's fine Angel. I feel like I should say sorry too for the way I spoke to you and Husk"

"Oh no no toots! What you did was great!"

"Wait, seriously?"

"Hell yeh! Me and Husk both said it was like a moth'a tellin off her kids! And I think we both needed that. Honestly toots, you didn't do nothin wrong"

"Ok, that's a worry off my mind"

"Can I uh.....can I share somethin with yah?"

"Of course"

"Having someone moth'a me like that.....I actually liked it. Not cuz I'm into strong, independent women, well, I am but that's not the reason. Since I died, I hadn't really had that feelin of being around family, and well......my moth'a used to keep me and my sister from having fights like that too.....you kinda.....remind me of my mom"

"....I do?"

"Yeh....and it's nice. It feels like with you, I've got part of my family down hear that cares about me. I know that's probably stupid of me to say-"

"Angel. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I feel honoured that you see me like that"

"(Sighing in relief) I'm glad toots. Thanks, for everything"

"Come hear"

You and Angel share a sweet and tight hug, all 8 of his arms held you.

"I'll always be hear for you Angel"

"So will I toots, I promise"

A good 20 minutes had passed, just chatting with Angel in your room. Talking about the afterlife, his fights with Husk, and you take some paracetamol in that time too.

"Hey toots! Have yah thought about what your gunna get smiles for his birthday yet?"

"I'm not sure to be honest. He's a tricky guy to buy for, I'm not sure if he'd even like receiving gifts"

"Well.....you could always.....wait in his room, wearing nothin but a little bow around your neck..."

"Angel! That's-wait? Why would you-"

"I maaay have been walking past the lobby when Alastor and you were talking"

"Angel"

"Don't worry toots, your secret's safe with me. But dayum babe! You've got the radio demon himself wantin yah! You've gotta admit, that's awesome!"

"It is lovely being around him, I can't deny that"

"So? You gunna take my advice?"

"I would, if Alastor was into that"

"Oh yeh! He ain't is he? Damn it. Well, I have no clue what to get him. I don't know him that well"

"I've been trying to think of things that would remind him of happier times, or his memories when he was alive. Something like that, but I've had no luck just yet"

"Hm? That's interesting. Wait! Didn't he live in new Orleans?"

"Yes! He did!"

"Sweet! I'll think of something to do with that! Listen toots, I've gotta go now, but I'll catch up with yah lat'ah"

"Alright Angel, see you soon"

When he left, you tried to have a good long thing about what to get Alastor for his birthday. He was sometimes fond of trinkets, eh, not good enough for a birthday present. Come on think. He enjoys his radio, taking long strolls through pentagram city, spending time in his room that's also part swamp-huh! That's it! Angel had a point about New Orleans, Alastor lived there, and you were the only one he confessed to about his life before he died. And he had the swamp in his room for a reason, to remember. The perfect idea came to your mind, and that was it, you knew exactly what to get him. Getting out your phone, you search for any place you can go to 'acquire' this suprise gift. Hm? The only place that could have some luck is in the Wrath Ring. Somewhere called Rough 'N Tumbleweed Ranch, well, it's better than nothing. The next day was Alastor's birthday. And down stairs in the lobby, you walk up to Charlie, who was bouncing with excitement.

"Oh hey! Hey Y/N! What are you up too?"

"Just on my way out to get Alastor his gift. What about you?"

"Ooooooh! Exciting!! Well, I'm just trying to plan the theme for Alastor's party tonight. I'm not quite sure what to go for. What do you think? (Shows you her note book) big blue and sparkles? Or big red and sparkles?"

"Umm, somehow, I'm not sure Alastor is a sparkles kind of guy"

"Yeh your right. Ugh, I just don't know what theme to do, I'm stuck"

"I know, why not do a 1920's theme? Get everyone to dress up in clothes from that time, and maybe serve his favourite food? Jambalaya. And don't forget, he isn't a fan of sweets, so he wouldn't eat a normal cake. Try putting a candle on a roasted duck? He's said before that he likes that meat, and carving a slice would probably make him happy. And maybe the party food could be similar to the 1920's too? Like deviled eggs, waldorf salad, dutchess potatoes, shrimp cocktail, canapes, olives, or maybe oyster rockefeller?"

"Yes yes YES!! Oh thank you Y/N, your a genius! I'm writing everything you've just said down! (Squeaks) This is going to be perfect! Thank you thank you!"

"I can give you a hand later, but for now, I need to get going"

"Yes! Of course! Go go! Me and the others can make a start on this party, thank you again Y/N! See you soon!"

"Bye Charlie!"

And with that, you were off. Leaving the hotel as Charlie bounds with joy in the background. Taking a walk to the streets, you flag down a taxi and give him the directions to the ranch you saw online. It was a fair distance away, but you were happy when you arrived there, seeing the sign as the taxi pulled over.

After paying, you headed in and looked around for anyone, apparently, this place was owned by an imp family, who had many things in and around their ranch.

"Hey there! Can I help ya'll?"

"Hi! I'm Y/N. I hope you don't mind the drop in, but I saw your ranch online, and see that you sell things to people who offer a good price?"

"Thats right, what're yah wantin today? We've got vehicles and animals available"

"Can I look at your animals please?"

"Sure thing darlin, follow me"

This lovely imp lady takes you to a fenced area, with 2 types of animals already.

"Hear yah go darlin, we've got horses and hogs hear, I'll haggle the price depending on which size you choose"

"These are lovely animals, but I was just wondering if you had something that prefers to stay close to water? Or swampy areas?"

"Ah! I hear yah. Let me take you to the edge of the ranch, we've got a few little critters back there for sale too"

A short walk later, a marshy tree covered green pond, that's also fenced in securely, seems to have many more animals.

"A'right, we've got Hattie over there. She's a water snake, a little bitey though. Over there we've got Wade, the snapping turtle. Be careful around him, he'll snap your fingers off before you can say fuck! And over there we've got Dutchess, she's actually just had a new litter of babies about 2 weeks ago. Their quite cute when they're youngens, and surprisingly easy to train. So all these little thangs are perfect for swampy areas, just take your pick"

"Would it be ok to buy one of Dutchess's babies?"

"Of course yah can! We've got little animal carriers too for yah to take one home. Ya'll fussed about the sex?"

"If it's possible, could it be a female?"

"Absolutely. She only had one boy outta 5 girls. Let me just grab one, yep, this ones definitely a girl. She's at least 2 pounds, and a healthy one too. I'll give her to yah for 200 bucks"

"Sold!"

Link to part 2

[asagewitch05]

(you inspire me sm)

Dick isn't sure why, but the scene in front of him hurts. There's nothing wrong with it; in fact, it's so wholesomely domestic that it should make his heart all fuzzy and warm- like how he gets when he gets to spend some time with his siblings, or when Damian sleeps over.

But it doesn't. It makes his heart twist painfully, like someone is trying to tug it out of his chest. It doesn't make sense, and that hurts too. Why does this bother him so much?

Bruce is sitting, chatting with Tim about some science article, with Jason sarcastically adding in every once in a while when he looks up from his Jane Austen- Pride and Prejudice, again. Steph and Duke are gossiping about some celebrity, while Barbara scrolls through her phone, trying to find the cat picture she had saved to show Damian, with Cass peering over her shoulder. Alfred is watching them all with a small uptick of his lips, a slight crinkle to his eye that shows how happy he is.

Dick doesn't fit in this scene. He knows he can, if he sits on the free couch, or on Jason's couch where he was splayed because he'd- begrudgingly- make space for him. Damian would likely sit beside him with ease, managing to finally tell him about an art assignment he has to do.

But he doesn't just slide into it like the rest of them. He can distantly realize he's been standing in the shadow of the doorway for a while, but no one has noticed. Even him.

He's pretty sure the issue is Bruce. He'd had a rapport with Bruce, he'd had a dynamic and he still does, but it isn't like his siblings and Bruce. Bruce doesn't have that same smoothness of chatting about his life anymore. That same ease.

He remembers the Titans being utterly horrified that Dick had trained so hard under Bruce, been so mistreated and neglected (although he still found that hard to swallow as a concept because Bruce was just Bruce. That was how he acted. Except not with Jason. Or Tim. Or Steph or Cass or Duke or Barbara. It's just him and Damian. And he'd finally understood why the Titans were so upset and angry at Bruce when Dick saw how Damian was being pushed to the side because he didn't deserve that.) He remembers even more so how angry they were that Bruce only treated Dick that way.

And Dick has shrugged it off and smiled because the performer, the supporter he is wouldn't just let himself admit that it was wrong.

He is glad, though, that no one else got that cold shoulder. The pure exhaustion of training until you passed out and then getting up and doing it all again. He did have to admit that it kept him alive and safer when he was with Slade, but still. He guesses that's why he watches them closely, when they train or spar with Bruce. Because Bruce never knew Dicks limits as a kid, why would he know theirs?

He feels guilty, and horrible for that wretched twist of jealousy in his gut, at both his siblings and his teammates. Their mentors knew limits. Knew when to stop. They knew that passing out or vomiting up bile was more than enough reason to just stop training for a bit.

'Why couldn't he have had that Bruce?' is what he always asks himself. But then he remembers that they would have gotten that Bruce too if Dick hadn't charted out some of the path for Bruce. Smoothed out his ragged edges.

So he shoved down that writhing feelings monster in his gut and puts on his best smile and walks in, sitting down at the free couch.

After all, he is but a performer.

Me after making this:

I hurt myself so bad man. Not even joking this was painful to write (totally not projecting *at all*)😭😭😭

Ok, but a canon-divergent AU where Bruce is a terrible father figure to Dick, but he doesn't know it.

Of course, in canon Bruce is far from being a perfect father (even a good one in many cases), but at least he cares about Dick, even if he has a peculiar way of showing it (I'm talking to you, Bruce, who decides if saving the world is worth it only if Dick will be okay).

But imagine an AU where everything happened the same, or almost, except that neither Alfred nor Bruce cared to show, not even kindness, but that much empathy for Dick. However, in this AU Dick's father was not very affectionate either, so Dick does not associate male figures as affectionate.

It's not until Dick is with his team that he learns... That's not normal.

Dick: So... You guys didn't train until you pass out? Weren't you taught that the only way to get better is to push your own limits?

Roy: *wanting to kill Bruce* No, Dick. The first thing they teach you is how to stay safe, you know, avoid getting to the point where you pass out from the effort.

Dick: Oh.

Donna: Dick, you should rest, you're hurt. You literally have a broken ankle.

Dick, who is at the gym, doing arm exercises and twists that are not at all safe for an injured person: I'm fine, Donna. I'm just warming up. I've been on patrol in worse conditions.

Donna: Wdym by that? Worse???

Dick: Yes...? Villains don't take a break just because you're hurt, you know that.

Donna: That's why there are other heroes to help!

Dick: Don't you guys have a rule about not taking help from anyone? That shows weakness and...

Donna: No, Dick, no.

Dick, confused: Oh.

Wally: Please tell me you're not doing that thing again.

Dick: What thing?

Wally: Not sleeping or eating to be on guard.

Dick: Well, it's my job, so...

Wally: You. Are. A. Human. YOU NEED REST AND FOOD.

Dick: I'm fine, it's not like...

Wally: Don't you dare say that Batman made you stay in those conditions for more days. That's NOT normal, Dick.

Dick: ... It's not?

Dick: So... you guys aren't on guard all the time waiting for your mentors to surprise attack you to test your reflexes?

Roy: I swear to God I gonna kill him.

Donna: I'll help.

Wally: On it.

Dick: *panics*

It's even worse for his friends when they discorver that his siblings are being treated much better, as after he leaves, Bruce and Alfred finally begin to notice how to treat children.

Dick was literally trial and error.

[oros-ash3s]

₊ ˚ ⭒ 𓆩✦𓆪 Sibling Questionnaire 𓆩✦𓆪 ⊹ ˚₊

✧ Who looks more like their dad? ✧

Out of the three of them, Elmira is the only one who has her dad present in her life. Crow was the bastard child of the family, the product of an 4-year affair their mother had with a commoner, while Aurora was adopted into the family when she was young. Which leaves Elmira as the only one who closely resembles their father, with his sharp nose, dark red hair, and pale skin.

✧ Who looks more like their mom? ✧

Crow looks much more like his mother than Elmira does, at least he used to, anyway. It’s a fact that he hated growing up, especially because it didn’t make his “father” any more sympathetic to him.

✧ Who eats the most? ✧

To be honest, none of them. The three of them have developed horrendous eating habits, all of them eating as little as possible. Though, when compared to her younger siblings, Elmira makes sure to eat at least one decent meal per day.

✧ Who has been in the weirdest situations? ✧

Definitely Crow. Having left home when he was only a teenager, he ran into quite a few odd people during his time on the streets. Elmira and Aurora both had very structured, orderly lives under their father’s command, which left them with not much room to get into weird situations.

✧ Who sleeps the most? ✧

Elmira, which isn’t saying a lot, seeing as Crow can’t sleep and Aurora is the definition of a workaholic.

✧ Who has the most stable romantic life? ✧

Crow, who actually has the experience for that statement to be true. Both Elmira and Aurora have never had the time to date, even if they wanted to.

✧ What is the worst habit of each? ✧

Elmira is easily persuaded by others, and doesn’t follow her gut instinct, instead just following along with the orders she’s given.

Crow is extremely defensive and apathetic, especially to those he doesn’t care for. He always puts himself first, because he’s the only person he can truly count on.

Aurora is angry and driven by rage. She sacrifices her health, her mental well-being, her relationships, all in the search of revenge.

✧ Who is the most dramatic? ✧

Aurora, who also loses her shit over practically any inconvenience.

✧ Who had the weirdest phase? ✧

Probably Aurora, who had a full-fledged emo phase as a teen.

✧ Who is the best cook in the family? ✧

Elmira is the best, and can cook quite well. She made many meals for Crow and Aurora while growing up. Both Crow and Aurora are terrible cooks.

✧ What is their best memory together? ✧

Though there are not many memories the three of them can name as happy, there are a few that they have as children that they all look back fondly on.

✧ What is their worst memory together? ✧

The day that Crow left — the day the three of them recognize as his death. After he disappeared, everything only got worse at the Koroleva estate.

✧ What is their dream trip together? ✧

Nowhere.

✧ Would you rather: Not be able to shower OR not be able to change clothes? ✧

Elmira: “I’m not extremely particular to fashion if it comes at the expense of my personal hygiene, so I’d say…. change clothes.”

Crow: “Shower. No question about it.”

Aurora: “Shower.”

✧ Who's older? ✧

Elmira is the oldest out of the three!!

✧ Describe each other in three words. ✧

Elmira: “Z… I mean, my brother, is caring, empathetic, and resilient. Aurora is hard-headed, determined, and goal-oriented.”

Crow: “Elmira? Stuck-up, small-minded, and ‘family-oriented’.” [He sneers the last word and laughs.] “And Aurora, hmm… Naive, hot-headed, and stubborn — as fucking hell.”

Aurora: “Elmira is bossy, responsible, and closed-off. And that… traitor?” [Her expression twists up in obvious distaste, eyes border-lining hatred.] “Dangerous, savage, and disgusting.”

✧ Who's their role model? ✧

Elmira: “I don’t have one that I can think of.”

Crow: “Myself.”

Aurora: “Father.”

✧ Who usually has the worst ideas? ✧

Elmira. I don’t even need to say anything else.

✧ Who is the certified "Bug Killer"? ✧

Aurora is DEATHLY afraid of bugs, ironically enough, considering what she does for work, and always has Elmira kill them for her. Crow likes chewing on whatever bugs he sees lying around.

ty for the tag @seastarblue, as per usual ^^

I already did this on my alt account @dioles-writes, but I thought I’d also do another one here!! this may or may not have been my attempt at soft-dropping my new WIP, with the three most complicated siblings ever: Elmira (she/her), Crow (he/him), and Aurora (she/her).

Taglist: @seastarblue @vesanal @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @bioniclechronicles @ohagi505 @lostcryptidinthewoods @lancedoncrimsonwings @blackboxwarrior-mkultra @whump-till-ya-jump @sharkblizzardblogs @sugaredparchment @scoundrelwithboba

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

parings -> park jay x reader genre -> non-idol au, school au, hybrid au warnings -> mental health, abandonment issues, etc. word count -> 1.8k

abstract -> people aren't as they seem... but they are always redeemable

jay’s perspective

She didn’t fight it not like I really expected her to but… what did e/n mean by murderer? How did the two even know each other? I’ve been left confused and questioning it as I found myself in the same cycle my life has been. With fancy clothes, jewelry, fancy food… and yet I was just a temporary trophy.

It felt pathetic. 

“Back to being a part of the upper class huh?” I heard Sunghoon sitting next to me. He was someone I knew for a brief amount of time. Some would say he was… a nice guy before his owner got amnesia. 

Sunoo… a poor fox hybrid who wants to please his owner he was severely abused. He was kind and kept to himself but he defended Sunghoon sometimes. That made me believe there was more to the famous snow leopard. 

Someone better than the bully to everyone, even his owner. 

“Do you know why I hate you, bird?” he asked and I shook my head. “y/n and e/n were best friends with my owner a long time ago” he said and I was shocked at the revelation. e/n never would associate herself with… someone who wasn’t in the same financial class as her. 

“y/n was from a well-off family before getting disowned for what they did–” disowned? “e/n though… deserves all the karma y/n got as well. I don’t like either of them let that be clear but there are rumors about you, you oversized chicken” he said and I scoffed. 

“Since y/n was keen on adopting you e/n is now keeping you to spite her” he said and I let my eyes widen. “And where did you hear that?” I asked and he chuckled. “Rumors, I don’t know if it's true but… it does piss me off,” he said and I wondered…

“What did they do?” I asked and his facial expressions turned to hatred. He looked at me with sad but vengeful eyes… 

“Almost killed my owner”

y/n’s perspective

I just had to continue my life as I did before. 

Study and become someone worthy of forgiveness. Someone who helps people… it's why I changed my major after all/ I want to help people as a doctor to atone for my sins.

To finally be able to face her again. 

“You need to take a break” Haechan begged for what it felt like the hundredth time. “I’m sorry for forcing you but I wanted you to get better,” he said and I didn’t want to listen. “It’s fine… I know my limits. I don't need someone taking care of me” I said and he sighed.

“But you do… you're self-destructing. You need to learn to forgive yourself… she already has” she said and I scoffed. “She’s an idiot who doesn’t remember anything! She can’t forgive me if she doesn’t remember what I did!” I yelled and he sighed. 

“You’ve been punished already… you’re just punishing yours;more besides you weren’t completely at fault. You weren’t the only one there” he said and I felt tears blur my vision. 

“But I could’ve stopped it…” I muttered. “You weren’t the one who organized it… you were framed and you couldn’t do anything again e/n. You’re a better person now than before… just please remember you need to calm down and try to accept what happened– What really happened and try to forgive yourself” he said and I sighed. 

“Haechan… I really liked having company for once” I admitted and he smiled. “Jay is complicated but I think he liked you. He just protects himself from getting hurt… like you” he said and I sighed and even let out a chuckle. 

“When did you become mature?” I teased and he scoffed. “Oi! I have always been this way!”

I wanted Jay back… he was nice for the one time he was and now that I look at it through Haechan’s clarity… he was pushing me away like how I did everyone I met when I first crumbled from where I stood. 

I knew though I couldn’t get him back… I had to accept it and move on. 

“Ah! y/n!” I heard someone who made my blood run cold. “Huh? What are you doing?!” I heard the angry snow leopard. “It's been a while! How have you been!” she asked with that same smile… she was also too innocent and sweet to be around me and e/n.

“G-good how’s the… treatments going?” I asked and I noticed people now staring and gossiping around us. She smiled brightly though…

“Good! Sunghoon helps a lot!” she said and I was glad. “Sunghoon said you had a hybrid–” “Not anymore” he muttered, cutting her off to look at me sadly. “Oh… sorry I must’ve forgotten,” she said and I shook my head. 

“No… it's not your fault” I said and she nodded softly. “I hope you’re taking care of yourself?” she asked and I chuckled. “I should be saying that,” I said and she smiled. “Well, let's make that promise together huh?” she asked and all I could do was smile.

“Sunghoon has a bit of training in the ice rink so I have to go but please don’t forget to take care of yourself… and maybe we can hang out again?” she asked I smiled and said sure and our goodbyes. My throat felt tight knowing I lied to her… 

I couldn’t let myself be in her life again. 

Not when I know I ruined her social life… and humiliated her… and caused her disease. Not directly but I was there and I could’ve stopped it. I should’ve stopped it when she asked me to help her… 

“Who do you think you are talking to?” I heard and saw e/n… with Jay by her side. “She came up to me… I was just being nice” I said and she scoffed.

“I don't know how you can wake up in the morning knowing you did that to her… it should’ve been you in the forest that night,” she said and I sighed… “Maybe… or maybe it should've been you,” I said and she scoffed and started yelling at me. It wasn't all my fault I knew that…

Sure I helped… but I didn’t plan it and besides I didn’t know half the things she did to her. 

“See Jay… I saved you from her. She ruins the lives of people around her” she said and I sighed… “Whatever e/n,” I said and left her. I was at least bettering myself… she will never have the chance to. 

I was at least studying and doing my best to be someone worthy of her forgiveness. Not someone who will never change and ruin and belittle others for the rest of her life. 

Funny when I was the one by her side protecting her from mean bullies and pranks when in the end she was no better than those who bullied her. And endless cycle…

That will unfortunately never change. 

jay’s perspective

I tried and learned everything that had happened. 

Sunghoon’s owner was always known as sweet and kind. However, she associated herself with two queen bees. Both may be as bad as each other but as they grew up she improved. Though others will always blame her for it… I didn’t think someone in their position could change but she really was.

I heard things like she volunteers a lot and she’s on the honor roll. Before all she would do was party and… just live the life e/n did but now she truly was trying to make a name for herself on her own.

So much that she would often not take care of herself which is why Mark and Haechan thought a hybrid would be a good idea in the first place. 

“I don’t even know why she would want a hybrid? Her parents never allowed it calling them icky and failed experiments anyway” e/n said to her group of friends.

While many people thought hybrids were luxurious there were some who thought otherwise and saw them lower as humans that shouldn’t even be in the same room as them…

“I guess now that her parents disowned her she’s wanted one I guess but she never mentioned it” she continued with a slight daydreaming expression. “Didn't you guys used to be like bffs” the girls laughed but she didn’t

“Yeah until she did something unforgivable! Only monsters do things like that!” she laughed but it almost seemed forced. 

“Anyways see ya!” she said as I followed her but she stopped abruptly to look at me with a glare. “What was it like? Being under her care?” she asked with crossed arms and I shrugged. “Was she as clumsy and stupid as ever?” she smirked and I said nothing until she sighed.

“She rarely takes care of herself right? It's all I ever hear” she muttered and I nodded. “I see… well Jay! You’re not what I want… in fact, I don’t think I even want a hybrid too much work and I never get my privacy after all” she said as she started walking… 

What was she on about? We walked until I realized we were at the cafeteria somewhere she’d never eaten…

“Oh? Didn’t think she’d be here… ugh and asleep? How low Cinderella has fallen~” she taunted as I saw Mark, Haechan, and Chenle…

“Well, Jay is all hers… I’ll get some of his stuff I don’t need any more hybrids things after all ~,” she said as she took off my collar and threw it on the table and it seemed to wake y/n up. 

“Huh?!” she let out and e/n laughed. “Careful your mask is falling,” Chenle said and she scoffed. “Whatever… buh-bye!” she said and left… but she looked back and tried to look at her reaction… maybe she did care a little after all.

“What is happening?” she asked as the boys laughed. “Looks like you’re stuck with each other again,” Haechan said as he gave my collar to her. 

Would she even accept me again after how mean I was? “But… Jay said he didn’t–” “I do! I want to be your hybrid!” I said this time being truthful… when would I have the second chance like I do now to… finally be with someone who could appreciate me?

“Y-you do?” she asked flustered and I smiled… “Well, the two of you have lots to talk about and I need to pick someone up from the airport” Chenle said as he waved goodbye. “We should go too!” Mark said and Haechan looked confused… “Huh? We don’t have anything–” “Yes we do!” he said leaving us alone. 

“Do you really mean it?” 

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[genderkoolaid]

still fucking pissed about the way im being treated by my professor. she basically told me to my face that my trans experiences & opinions were too advanced and complicated for our class, & that she had to teach them the basics...

and what exactly are those basics? cis people. cis experiences. cis opinions. this is not intersectionality. "basic feminism" should not mean white cis feminism. & i feel like she is projecting onto my classmates, many of whom seem very interested in what I have to say. one cis boy in my class even tried raising questions about nonbinary people based on those in his life, and she shut him down because she refused to understand what he was talking about. she's just fucking obsessed with her idea of feminism while trying to feel like an intersectional ally yet the minute ANYONE brings up trans people when she doesn't want them to, she throws a little fit.

just. when exactly are cis people supposed to learn about us? i am used to having to explain transness to cis people. i am willing to do that! i am willing to simplify it if need be! but cis adults & older teens can handle being challenged a little bit. in fact I'd say it's pretty healthy for them to be introduced to trans theory as part of their introduction to feminism, especially in an age where transness is a major part of the ongoing culture war. but noooo god forbid this cis woman's ego is challenged in the slightest. god forbid i have an original thought about gender that i didn't get from her fucking textbook

[coraniaid]

I think I can, if I try, just about persuade myself that Xander and Jesse were friends.

Partly because the ways in which Jesse behaves unpleasantly [his treatment of women who aren't attracted to him, his obvious self-hatred about being " a loser" who nobody wants to date; various lines that were presumably written as jokes but just come across as disproportionately mean-spirited insults] echo the ways Xander himself is also sometimes (to a lesser extent) unpleasant (especially in the first two seasons of the show). In both cases, I suspect the writers didn't quite realize how badly the character was coming across (doesn't Joss Whedon say in the DVD commentaries that some of the way Jesse behaves around Cordelia is based on things Whedon himself did as a teenager? which suggests a certain obliviousness about precisely how sympathetic this behaviour actually is).

Also, well, because you can maybe assume that Jesse is going through a (non-supernatural version) of what happens to Xander in The Pack (in that he's "turning into a sixteen year old boy", as Giles puts it) and that he didn't use to be quite so unbearable to be around (or so obsessed with Cordelia). And because the closest that Jesse ever comes to being sympathetic is when he tells Buffy he wants her to feel at home "unless you have a scary home", which -- if you try really, really hard -- you can maybe tie into the (later) implications we get about Xander's own home life [and hence conclude that on some level Jesse is aware of and sympathetic to the reality that some people -- people like Xander in particular -- do have "scary homes"].

But Willow? President of the "We hate Cordelia" Club Willow? Shy and soft-spoken computer loving nerd Willow? "I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world before he notices me" Willow? Yeah, it just doesn't make sense to me at all that she and Jesse would be friends. The only thing they have in common is hanging out with Xander.

Actually, I'm not sure there is a point in either of the first two episodes in which Jesse or Willow refer to the other as a friend, is there? Or even hang out together except at school with Xander? They both get captured by vamps while at the Bronze on the same night, but they weren't there together. Willow tells Buffy in Welcome to the Hellmouth that she's in the Bronze because she "thought Xander was going to show up ... we're just friends", and in The Harvest Giles will tell Xander that, when he sees Jesse again, he won't be "looking at your friend". And vamp!Jesse will address Xander as "buddy". But Willow never calls Jesse a friend, that I can remember.

After Jesse is captured Willow talks about "wanting to help [Buffy]", but she doesn't show any real concern for Jesse himself. In fact, when Buffy goes to try to rescue him, and Xander is about to talk himself into chasing after her, Willow reassures him that "Buffy'll be okay". Not Jesse, but Buffy. And what's her immediate reaction to Buffy and Xander coming back and telling her that Jesse is something "worse than dead"? She says "at least you two are okay". And that's it, that's the whole of her reaction. Xander tells vamp!Jesse he's sorry and gets angry and talks about disliking vampires, but -- even in an episode were Jesse's death is acknowledged -- we never seen any emotional response to his death from Willow. She reacts far more to the death of Cordelia's boyfriend Kevin in Prophecy Girl, and Kevin is a character who (1) only exists for one episode and (2) Willow herself never interacts with.

So, yes, it rather beggars belief that Willow would be friends with Jesse and I don't think there's any on-screen evidence that they actually are friends in any real way. I don't think Willow would even hang out with Jesse between classes at school if he wasn't with Xander.

obviously the out-of-universe explanation for why jesse's name is never mentioned again after "the harvest" is that (a) while joss was tickled by the idea of immediately killing off a character he had set up to appear important, he had no desire to make a show with the dynamic of 'the hero and her two friends who are in mourning and traumatized over the death of their third friend who the hero failed to save', and also (b) the writers forgot he existed. but in-universe, given how many times it would have made sense and been in character for xander and/or willow to bring him up (such as in wacky stories from their childhood, or times when they are throwing buffy's failures in her face), i am forced to conclude that the reason jesse is never mentioned again is because neither of them actually liked him very much. he was just unpopular because he is unpleasant and so they let him hang out with them because they were unpopular too. but secretly they were kind of a bit relieved when he died because, well, he sucked and they didn't like him. and i'm sure they felt guilty about being relieved. but that didn't change the fact that they were. which is why neither of them ever mentions him again and never will

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

like on the one hand language matters and i too sometimes find slang trends annoying and/or concerning and on the other hand sometimes women do actually make jokes and talk shit on the internet with their friends and it is not actually that deep and commentary on phenomena gets to a weird point where i’m like i don’t know how “these idiot losers on the internet using a two to four word phrase they will have moved on from in a year are basically the primary cause of patriarchal oppression” is the feminist take. like sometimes i start to think the plot has been lost.

[itz-pandora]

Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"

[thewoollyviking]

Idk, you might be right. I don’t think for a minute that this really mean spirited attitude towards Rose was at all deliberate. But all the same, leaving Rose like that before the end of the series definitely feels like it’s saying “everyone will be better off if they just stopped thinking about Rose” and alone ruins Future for me.

I cannot rewatch it because it just makes my blood boil that they just left Rose off like that. Isolated. Alone. Left someplace only Steven can access and we both know he ain’t coming back to get her.

I get him being angry at the Diamonds. I’m glad he’s angry at the Diamonds. I’d argue he could stand to be a little more angry at the Diamonds.

But like… Steven’s empathy for Rose near the end of season 5 seemed to completely disappear.

Steven realized perfectly well WHY Rose left. I think he’d have enough context clues and emotional intelligence to put together that her “leaving her family” the second time wasn’t her abandoning them. She chose to end her life by having him because even after everything, she believed every awful thing White and the other Diamonds said about her.

If I was Steven, I wouldn’t be angry at Rose, I’d be sad for her.

Rose messed up, tried to do right, saved the Earth, but never once felt she was worthy of love or could confide in anyone. And she died feeling that way.

And especially knowing how alike she was to him as he noted on Homeworld, that would bum me out. Like her personal fuck ups like with Bismuth or Pearl are still on her and all, but looking at her story broadly, she clearly made mistakes Steven was able to avoid by virtue of having a significantly less shitty family than Rose did.

So Steven feeling the way he does about Rose just makes him come off as an insensitive, mean spirited little shit.

Also I could not possibly bring myself to care about Spinel for other reasons. I do not like her character and it’s so clear that she felt shoehorned into Rose’s backstory.

Random thought, but do you guys think that Rose, if she could see the way the diamonds responded to losing her – Blue being in such misery and unable to move on several millennia later, Yellow wanting to destroy everything that reminds her of their missing diamond because it hurts so much to think of her and she can’t bear to feel, and White locking herself in her head to never interact with anyone face to face when she presumably appeared in person for discussions with the other diamonds and events – that she’d feel any way about that?

I know(though in a much less extreme sense) what it’s like to feel unloved by your family, when their idea of what’s best for you is heavily dependent on you being on your best behavior. Rose seems to have had a tendency to not realize people were hurt until it was too late, but she cared. Would she realize how much she meant to the other diamonds? Would she cry for the relationship she left behind, even knowing it was unhealthy?

[shi0n]

already dreading new years bc i have to go out drinking w friends <_> i think i would actually enjoy it if i had a say in how much i wanna drink.. agh. guh. AOUGH OUGH.. sorry coughing a lot lately. maybe im getting sick.. would be a shame..

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

[elytrafemme]

i tried to be the strong one at age 17 and my alters were trying to be the strong one for me, they always thought i was weak. and now i'm vulnerable and stupid and incapable of doing much at all, i'm so much weaker mentally than my friends. and i just think they'd be disappointed if they saw me. or maybe proud but like, it's not like i can ask. but i have a party tonight. and some work i should do. and i don't want to be a fucking downer. me and klavier always felt like we were both late to the party, to our own party, and i guess in his stead i have to get my shit together and get us there. because some time ago he might have really liked that. and i'll never know.