#i would be a housewife for him

[cupajoscafe]

the things i would let him do to me would set feminism back by like 80 years

[insignificant457]

There is a nebulous jordie lives au which lives entirely in my head in which jordie recovers from the plague while Kaz is still sick. He gets up to find them food and water only to return and discover Kaz is nowhere to be found. Still recovering from the fever, he searches the barrel for days before he finally sees Kaz wandering down the staves in a sort of fugue state, soaked to the bone with a haunted look in his eyes.

Kaz won’t tell him what happened, but jordie knows it’s bad because his baby brother flinches every time he touches him, and soon enough he’s started wearing gloves, even in the height of summer.

Soon, they discover kazs gift for cards, and it keeps them fed and clothed, if not much else. Kaz is angry at jordie for losing the money, refuses to let him make any decisions. Jordie is beholden to his angry traumatized little brother because he can’t deny that he failed them the first time around.

Kaz is offered a place in his pick of the gangs, but the only one willing to take both him and his tag along older brother is the dregs. Jordie dies a little bit inside when they join up, when they take the tattoo side by side, but he’s not sure they’ll survive another winter on the streets.

And the plot of SoC generally goes on from there. Jordie tags along on the ice court, he and Jesper test kazs patience at every turn, he’s constantly offering unsolicited annoying older brother advice about Inej.

This lends itself to a really interesting exploration of Kaz and jordies relationship, what holds brothers together in the face of incredible trauma, the skewed power dynamic of Kaz becoming the breadwinner for them both at the age of nine, etc etc. But mostly, this au is a vessel for the sailing of the ultimate crack ship, which is of course, jordie/alys Van Eck.

[eggcats]

I couldn't rest until I made this because I truly believe in my heart of hearts if Alastor contacted Vox and was like "hey if you quit the Vees and come live at the hotel I'll provide for you ♥️ " Vox would be GONE before Alastor even finished speaking

[tricoufamily]

geoffrey's parents, the osters, betty and ralph

[cmkren]

when i hopped into house md at first i thought wilson was housewife in hilson

But house literally ends up being a stay at home wife in one of the seasons when he stays with wilson

a good housewife too he made some bombass food

[sameschmidtdiffname]

I love the difference in Katniss and Peeta asking for love. Peeta is in full "You don't have to, it's ok!!! Please don't even make eye contact with me, no pressure!!" Mode during 'The Hunger Games' meanwhile Katniss for the rest of the series is just like this fucking goblin crawling out of the pits of hell like "No pressure, but I will kill myself if you don't breathe in my direction"

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

this is a little you know. whatever. guy who is akin to a wearied mother figure

[hearteyesfor17]

What are some of your head cannons for 17? -I live for this account ❤️

wow, okay, sorry for dying on y'all </3 anyway, love !! tysm, I shall provide now - Lapis is a brat tamer, no joke; he has a huge ego and lots of pride, so if bruise them, he'll have a few marks to give you himself ! - Please tug his hair, he loves it - I'm not gonna lie, he gets off to you crying when he's pounding you <3 (of course, if it's serious, he'll stop) - He's really rough and pretty controlling during sex; sure, he likes to please you, but he cannot get enough of your pretty lips on his cock, so he's gotta grab you by the hair and force you to take more and more .. y'know, until you're gagging on his length - He'll bring you to multiple orgasms .. Lapis has infinite stamina and he plans to show you that - Lots of biting involved; you have to be littered with his marks - He hates making sounds, but trust me, he's got the prettiest moans and whimpers (my lifeline fr)

When all is said and done, Lapis is actually really sweet with aftercare. He tunes in and reads you like a book. He's not tired, but you are, so he'll be up and preparing a bath, glass of water, etc. just for you <3

[vadergf]

It is THAT serious to me...

[wildsaltair]

I’d like to thank Maximus Decimus Meridius for inventing loyalty and emotional intelligence and devotion and goodheartedness. and also sex

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Get yourself a man who looks at you as lovingly as Slappy does to Nosferatu <3

[varpusvaras]

There are enough similarities with how the life was before and during the war, and how it is now, so that Seventeen doesn't lose his mind instantly.

He still gets up early. That was the easiest similarity to keep. He was told that he needs more sleep, so he gives himself until five thirty instead of his regular five sharp. It's acceptable. He still has enough time to get himself ready and then try to make food.

There the similarities end when it comes to the morning. The clothes aren't right. They are soft and while good for moving around, they are not tactical in the slightest. He feels like he is missing a layer of skin with them on. It grates on him, and it doesn't make the fact that he has no idea how to cook any better.

Not that he is giving it any more voluntary thought than he has to. Any of it. It's just clothes. It's just cooking. He has learnt to repair weapons, ships, armor. He has learnt how to fight, how to kill, and how not to be killed. He has made through all of it and has now ended up in a small kitchen of all places. This is not going to end him either.

He reads all the manuals for every single kitchenware they have. He reads of the nutritional values of every single item of food there is in the cupboards and in the cooler. He studies the diet plan he had been given enough time so he remembers every word. He downloads a cook book. He watches tutorials from the holonet.

Fifteen minutes after 6 in the morning, he has made caf, tea, toast and five other things that goes with the toast. It all tastes how the book and the tutorials describe them to taste like.

Then he cleans. He does the dishes. He looks through the kitchen again. He makes a list of things they need more of. He gathers every single item on all of the counters and puts them back in their place. He goes back to the bedroom. He makes the bed. He goes back into the kitchen. He dries the dishes. It's a repeating task, like cleaning a weapon. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away.

He goes through all the plates like that, then the cutlery, then the glasses. He puts them away in the same order in their correct places inside the cabinets and drawers.

Then he goes into the living room and stands in the middle of it and stares at the wall for fifteen minutes.

After the fifteen minutes is over, he thinks about his therapist, who had told him to pick up a relaxing hobby that he can do with his hands but that gives him enough to think about. Something that is a little bit more removed from his life so far. Something softer had been the implication.

Seventeen doesn't want to do anything softer, but he still picks up the needles he had got for himself, despite it having felt like he was giving up, finds another tutorial, watches it, and starts learning how to put the thread through itself.

It's just past eight in the morning when he makes his first row of stitches. He stares at it for a minute, and then throws it at the same wall he had spent fifteen minutes staring at before.

His legs hurt. They do that a lot, these days. Seventeen thinks it's because they hate him just as much as he hates them.

He gets up. Takes the first dose of his allotted painkillers and tries not to feel like the biggest failure in the entire Galaxy, because it's thirteen minutes before he usually takes them, and then gets angry at himself for a moment for being stupid. Because the thing is, Seventeen does not care about anything.

He waits for a moment. The pain goes away. He picks up his needles. The stitches have fallen of off them.

It's nine in the morning. He has made 28 rows of stitches.

Seventeen hates the fact that he had forgotten to hate everything while focusing on doing them.

He doesn't throw the needles this time, though.

[kiyomitakada]

it actually really annoys me how well death note fits into dracula because i don’t like writing l/light as a predatory dynamic even though i do enjoy reading fics with that interpretation sometimes but like the correspondence is so so clear. dracula (L) and his three roommates (near mello matt). mina “haha i bet those newfangled feminists will be the one doing the proposing not like me i am polite and normal” “holds her husband’s arm instead of the traditional other way around” harker is obviously kiyomi takada since they are both the repressed butches of all time and id really like to see kiyomi have a breakdown about holy items leaving scars in her skin. i actually cannot decide between jonathan-light and lucy-misa or the other way around because lucy “i fancy myself a tough nut to crack” “my entire personality is masks and i die by suffocation under them” westenra could fit both of them so well but jonathan’s manic devotion is honestly very misacore. renfield mikami is very important to me not just because disciple god etc but because renfield tries so hard to get everyone else to take him seriously by acting the part of the refined gentleman he once was and because his last act is a futile attempt at resisting his god (and as a bonus he gets along with mina-kiyomi). the suitors are also there i guess

[eggcats]

So, instead of writing anything about the everyone loves vox au, I've decided to actually WRITE that scene where Vox yells at Alastor for messing up his kitchen bc it's gotten such a hold on me I had no option

(It's also funnier to me to canonize it, bc this makes Alastor's "Vox hates cannibalism" belief even funnier to me. Alastor, the man helped you cut a sinner apart to store in your house and yelled at you for making a mess and didn't flinch at the dead body you were carrying, and you decided he's disgusted by your cannibalism when he's jealous of your relationship with Rosie? Sir.)

[lewmagoo]

i need to be bob floyd's housewife 🤗

[petz5]

i don't think akane is smart enough for college 😔 MAYBE she'd take fitness classes so she has a better handle on how to teach it but any fic where she's like a business major or whatever is insane i know in my heart her grades are mostly B's and C's and she just wants to teach in the dojo