#i would be a housewife for him

[cupajoscafe]

the things i would let him do to me would set feminism back by like 80 years

[insignificant457]

There is a nebulous jordie lives au which lives entirely in my head in which jordie recovers from the plague while Kaz is still sick. He gets up to find them food and water only to return and discover Kaz is nowhere to be found. Still recovering from the fever, he searches the barrel for days before he finally sees Kaz wandering down the staves in a sort of fugue state, soaked to the bone with a haunted look in his eyes.

Kaz won’t tell him what happened, but jordie knows it’s bad because his baby brother flinches every time he touches him, and soon enough he’s started wearing gloves, even in the height of summer.

Soon, they discover kazs gift for cards, and it keeps them fed and clothed, if not much else. Kaz is angry at jordie for losing the money, refuses to let him make any decisions. Jordie is beholden to his angry traumatized little brother because he can’t deny that he failed them the first time around.

Kaz is offered a place in his pick of the gangs, but the only one willing to take both him and his tag along older brother is the dregs. Jordie dies a little bit inside when they join up, when they take the tattoo side by side, but he’s not sure they’ll survive another winter on the streets.

And the plot of SoC generally goes on from there. Jordie tags along on the ice court, he and Jesper test kazs patience at every turn, he’s constantly offering unsolicited annoying older brother advice about Inej.

This lends itself to a really interesting exploration of Kaz and jordies relationship, what holds brothers together in the face of incredible trauma, the skewed power dynamic of Kaz becoming the breadwinner for them both at the age of nine, etc etc. But mostly, this au is a vessel for the sailing of the ultimate crack ship, which is of course, jordie/alys Van Eck.

[eggcats]

I couldn't rest until I made this because I truly believe in my heart of hearts if Alastor contacted Vox and was like "hey if you quit the Vees and come live at the hotel I'll provide for you ♥️ " Vox would be GONE before Alastor even finished speaking

[sameschmidtdiffname]

I love the difference in Katniss and Peeta asking for love. Peeta is in full "You don't have to, it's ok!!! Please don't even make eye contact with me, no pressure!!" Mode during 'The Hunger Games' meanwhile Katniss for the rest of the series is just like this fucking goblin crawling out of the pits of hell like "No pressure, but I will kill myself if you don't breathe in my direction"

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

this is a little you know. whatever. guy who is akin to a wearied mother figure

[politemagic]

IV who always gets onto his partner when they skip meals, his heart aches at the thought of his love not taking proper care of themself. He's the kind to whip up a bowl of buttered noodles or a little quesadilla at a moment's notice when he hears their tummy grumble.

IV who comes home from a long time away, desperate to get his hands on his partner again, missing the feeling of their skin against his. He drops his bags at the door and is on them in seconds, his lips meeting theirs in the hungriest kiss, pulling them flush against his body, hands wandering to every inch of exposed skin he can reach. His tongue just barely slips through their lips when they pull back to whisper, a mischievous smile on their face.

"Have you eaten anything yet today?" they whispered, knowing he had a bad habit of not eating on travel days.

Furrowing his brow, he shakes his head. It had been a long day of driving and he'd been so excited to see them the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. When he shook his head, they slip from his grasp, causing him to whine at the loss of their familiar warmth in his arms.

"No play until you've eaten something," they tease with a wink, tapping their index finger against his nose gently. They disappear into the kitchen, leaving him alone in the entryway of their home. He groans loudly, knowing that they're making him pay for every well-meaning message about their eating habits.

He's grinding his teeth while he watches them whisk through the kitchen, his eyes raking over their figure as they're gathering the necessary ingredients for their signature meal. It wasn't anything complicated, but it tasted like them and it tasted like love, and despite the much less innocent thoughts racing through his mind, he couldn't help but feel a sense of peace he hadn't felt in weeks as the familiar smell wafted towards his nose as he sat at the kitchen table watching them work.

They've never seen him eat so fast, shoveling every last bite into his mouth before he practically throws his dishes into the sink, scooping them off their chair. A surprised squeal echoes through the kitchen as he planted them onto the table, standing between their legs with his hands on their face.

"Happy now?" to which they only nod. He wasted no time in crashing his lips back against theirs, his tongue slipping into their mouth to offer the faintest taste of the delicious meal they'd just made for him. A token of appreciation for the care they showed to him, a silent thank you for looking out for him.

But he was about to make and even more delicious meal out of them.

[hearteyesfor17]

What are some of your head cannons for 17? -I live for this account ❤️

wow, okay, sorry for dying on y'all </3 anyway, love !! tysm, I shall provide now - Lapis is a brat tamer, no joke; he has a huge ego and lots of pride, so if bruise them, he'll have a few marks to give you himself ! - Please tug his hair, he loves it - I'm not gonna lie, he gets off to you crying when he's pounding you <3 (of course, if it's serious, he'll stop) - He's really rough and pretty controlling during sex; sure, he likes to please you, but he cannot get enough of your pretty lips on his cock, so he's gotta grab you by the hair and force you to take more and more .. y'know, until you're gagging on his length - He'll bring you to multiple orgasms .. Lapis has infinite stamina and he plans to show you that - Lots of biting involved; you have to be littered with his marks - He hates making sounds, but trust me, he's got the prettiest moans and whimpers (my lifeline fr)

When all is said and done, Lapis is actually really sweet with aftercare. He tunes in and reads you like a book. He's not tired, but you are, so he'll be up and preparing a bath, glass of water, etc. just for you <3

[varpusvaras]

There are enough similarities with how the life was before and during the war, and how it is now, so that Seventeen doesn't lose his mind instantly.

He still gets up early. That was the easiest similarity to keep. He was told that he needs more sleep, so he gives himself until five thirty instead of his regular five sharp. It's acceptable. He still has enough time to get himself ready and then try to make food.

There the similarities end when it comes to the morning. The clothes aren't right. They are soft and while good for moving around, they are not tactical in the slightest. He feels like he is missing a layer of skin with them on. It grates on him, and it doesn't make the fact that he has no idea how to cook any better.

Not that he is giving it any more voluntary thought than he has to. Any of it. It's just clothes. It's just cooking. He has learnt to repair weapons, ships, armor. He has learnt how to fight, how to kill, and how not to be killed. He has made through all of it and has now ended up in a small kitchen of all places. This is not going to end him either.

He reads all the manuals for every single kitchenware they have. He reads of the nutritional values of every single item of food there is in the cupboards and in the cooler. He studies the diet plan he had been given enough time so he remembers every word. He downloads a cook book. He watches tutorials from the holonet.

Fifteen minutes after 6 in the morning, he has made caf, tea, toast and five other things that goes with the toast. It all tastes how the book and the tutorials describe them to taste like.

Then he cleans. He does the dishes. He looks through the kitchen again. He makes a list of things they need more of. He gathers every single item on all of the counters and puts them back in their place. He goes back to the bedroom. He makes the bed. He goes back into the kitchen. He dries the dishes. It's a repeating task, like cleaning a weapon. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away. Take a plate. Turn it around in the cloth. Put it away.

He goes through all the plates like that, then the cutlery, then the glasses. He puts them away in the same order in their correct places inside the cabinets and drawers.

Then he goes into the living room and stands in the middle of it and stares at the wall for fifteen minutes.

After the fifteen minutes is over, he thinks about his therapist, who had told him to pick up a relaxing hobby that he can do with his hands but that gives him enough to think about. Something that is a little bit more removed from his life so far. Something softer had been the implication.

Seventeen doesn't want to do anything softer, but he still picks up the needles he had got for himself, despite it having felt like he was giving up, finds another tutorial, watches it, and starts learning how to put the thread through itself.

It's just past eight in the morning when he makes his first row of stitches. He stares at it for a minute, and then throws it at the same wall he had spent fifteen minutes staring at before.

His legs hurt. They do that a lot, these days. Seventeen thinks it's because they hate him just as much as he hates them.

He gets up. Takes the first dose of his allotted painkillers and tries not to feel like the biggest failure in the entire Galaxy, because it's thirteen minutes before he usually takes them, and then gets angry at himself for a moment for being stupid. Because the thing is, Seventeen does not care about anything.

He waits for a moment. The pain goes away. He picks up his needles. The stitches have fallen of off them.

It's nine in the morning. He has made 28 rows of stitches.

Seventeen hates the fact that he had forgotten to hate everything while focusing on doing them.

He doesn't throw the needles this time, though.

[lewmagoo]

i need to be bob floyd's housewife 🤗

[fuckwhoeverpickedallthefunnyurls]

Any fanfictions out there where Ed and Stede DO actually open the inn but Izzy survived so he's just kind of their mascot

[rawstfish]

Graves is like one good paycheck away from becoming a housewife

[askdrhanniballecter]

How would one convince one’s husband to help him clean up after a dog? My partner is very insistent that it would ruin his entire day if he were to help me like this.

Your husband should worship the ground you walk upon. If Will can convince me to clean the yard, surely your husband is no different.

If he still refuses, remind him of his place and make him beg for your mercy.

[randomnameless]

Speaking of unification, the end of FE3/12 was so disappointing. FE1 ended with each country still being independent, which was perfect. But no, the sequel had to do a 180 so that Marth could rule over all of Archanea.

Especially since it comes with a...disturbing trend of putting female rulers back in their place: Minerva, Nyna, Sheena...

Like you would seriously want me to believe that Minerva would be happy to settle in a convent? But guys, she wasn't competent T.T. She couldn't rule like Michalis and it ended in an internal crisis.

But Sheena didn't want to rule. She just wanted to live as an "ordinary happy girl" UwU. Yes, Archanea gave us the wonderful Shiida, but Kaga's sexism shines here.

The worst thing is Michalis' ending in FE12. They wanted to keep him alive, fine, they did the same with Camus/Sirius after all. But he either gets to rule over Macedon again (so it means that there were no consequences for his actions unlike in the original game) or conquer another continent.

Perhaps they wanted to show that it realistically made no sense that an ambitious man like Michalis would give up on his dream, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You can kill your father, be a tyrannical ruler, but don't worry, you will get your throne back or you will either get to conquer a whole new land. Yeah!

I would have made more sense if Michalis was the one to give up on everything and perhaps become a monk if they wanted to show that he was trying to atone. After all, he dies in the original version. It could have shown that the old him was indeed dead and that he was now going on a different path, thanks to Maria.

Yeah :/

The sheer fact that Michalis wasn't kept dead in the remake sort of pisses me - why keeping him alive after kind of saving Maria ?

Was it to have a "good end" where no one dies, or because you'd feel uwu for poor Michalis who :

Murdered his dad, had his youngest sister kidnapped, fought against another sister etc...

And as you said, what kind of message this leaves that he gets to survive to conquer other lands, after the mess he did in Archanea? Was it a joke or just to piss on the original writers ?

So between Kaga's sexism and the "but earl grey" nonsense from the "modern" devs really did a number of FE3/12 to me lol

The only character I can "realistically" see abandoning her throne is Nyna, because of the guilt she must feel regarding Hardin's fall but then I'm always reminded at that person @crushednugget found that said Nyna is responsible for the war in FE3/12 and I'm just...

[eggcats]

So, instead of writing anything about the everyone loves vox au, I've decided to actually WRITE that scene where Vox yells at Alastor for messing up his kitchen bc it's gotten such a hold on me I had no option

(It's also funnier to me to canonize it, bc this makes Alastor's "Vox hates cannibalism" belief even funnier to me. Alastor, the man helped you cut a sinner apart to store in your house and yelled at you for making a mess and didn't flinch at the dead body you were carrying, and you decided he's disgusted by your cannibalism when he's jealous of your relationship with Rosie? Sir.)

[sol-consort]

I love seeing you geek out over the Jaal romance lmao

HOW IS HE SO FINE

i wanna chew on him like a cat on plastic

[livvyofthelake]

“dude, i’m your best friend! you don’t lie to me, you lie to customs officials!” we used to make tv where two insufferable teenage boys switched off on delivering the most ridiculous preppy bitch dialogue for five entire years in flat affectless tones…