#i wonder when/if he starts accepting his identity and speaking to the others about it

[good-beanswrites]

So. It turns out I can't read. Have a random drabble of Mikoto + Tears because I misread one of the requests asdfds (featuring the smoking group :)) I thought of some juicy drama, but I'll admit his situation may not be as dramatic as this lol, just a thought about his emotions I was toying around with.

It had taken a bit of time, persuading, and bribery, but Mikoto reluctantly showed up to the smoking group’s next session. He looked like shit compared to them, but neither seemed to care.

Though he tried to refuse, they’d given him refills for his e-cigarette so he could participate. Shidou claimed he was quitting, but he didn’t strike Mikoto as the type to stop cold turkey. He stayed quiet most of the time, listening to the usual stories of days gone by.

Shidou asked about Kazui’s recent interrogation. Mikoto would have rather spoken about literally anything besides their situation as prisoners and murderers, but Kazui’s unlikely honesty caught his attention. The man admitted to getting rather worked up in front of Es, nearly to the point of tears.

Rather than offer any sort of comfort, Shidou chose to list off the benefits of crying in response. 

“It actually releases stress hormones,” he was saying, “and has been linked to better sleep, improved immune systems, and balance within your nervous system.”

Mikoto shared a smirk with Kazui, the cigarette angling between his lips. He wasn’t as quick as he thought.

“And what is that face for?” Shidou turned to him. “I do hope you’re not one of those types who think men shouldn’t cry. I’m sure you have plenty of times. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Mikoto was going to drop it; he wasn’t one of those people, after all. Unexpected thoughts struck him before he could dismiss the accusations. The rapid emotions that flashed over his face had the others waiting for his reply.

“Actually… uh…” He let out a nervous laugh. “I just realized, I haven’t. You know, h-” Mikoto’s voice faltered. It felt strange, speaking about the situation so casually. But he could trust these men. They’d never turned against him, or flinched away from him, even when the others had. Regardless, he was going to have to acknowledge it eventually.

“...He’s the one that gets to cry.”

The others stayed silent. Kazui took another drag. It wasn’t like it was a secret anymore, but he was sure that neither had come prepared for a conversation like this. Wisps of smoke slowly circled them.

"Whenever I got upset, he was there. If anything brought me to tears, then he… took care of it.” Not that Mikoto ever knew it was happening. In hindsight, it was maddeningly obvious how his blackouts corresponded to rough times. 

His breath shook the next time he inhaled. He took a pause. He had to stay calm. The line had been thin, these days, for when emotions would prove intense enough to send him over the edge. With all the underlying stress, even the most minor inconveniences could cause him to lose control.

The vapor he blew out left a trembly trail in front of him. He tried to sound lighthearted, but knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“I guess I always thought I was one of those guys who didn’t cry as much, or got less worked up about things. My coworkers always talked about breakdowns. I never had a single one. I didn’t really dwell on it. Why would I?” His smile was as wobbly as the laugh that bubbled out of him. “So, uh… I guess you were wrong, Shidou. I can’t remember the last time I shed a single tear.”

It didn’t take a doctor to know the kind of toll that takes on someone. 

Mikoto dropped his head, suddenly ashamed of his honesty. He must have sounded completely insane. He ran a hand through his hair. They were probably looking on with horror at what a mess he’d revealed himself to be. 

“I should go,” he muttered. He was already pretty upset and couldn’t risk hurting anyone else.

Shidou placed his hand gently on his arm. He didn’t look horrified in the slightest. Neither did Kazui. “Wait...”

He shrugged his arm away. “Leave me alone.”

“Mikoto.”

He paused only a moment in the entryway, as Kazui called to him.

“Thanks. I know it's not easy to talk about your true self.”

He wanted to accept it. He wanted to stay and keep talking and laughing as if nothing were wrong. He wanted to thank them for their kindness. But he couldn’t allow himself the luxury, now. “Whatever. It’s not like it matters.”

“It does.” Shidou told him. “Mikoto, I know things have been difficult. We just want to help you.”

“Yeah,” he said bitterly. The smoke shifted in his wake. “That’s what he said, too.”

[stars4gojo]

End of the world

Dad!Gojo x Fem!reader // Young Megumi and young Tsumiki // 1k words // fluff, angst if you squint. // Gojo and y/n are both teachers for first years

Your and Gojo’s three students are confused as to see why you and Gojo are walking past each other like you aren’t in love with each other as Megumi recalls yours and Gojo’s first serious fight infront of him.

More of my work 🤍

The three first year students at jujutsu high watched as their two teachers walked past each other as if they’ve never known each other. The usual silly jokes and overbearing affection between the two of you was nowhere to be seen and there was no doubt that the student were being wary of you two. 

Your usual kind demeanour was replaced by a cold hard stare that only seemed to show around Gojo. 

The students were not strangers to your bickering or little arguments but this one seemed different, as if someone had sucked all the warmth and love from the room only to replace it with heartbreak and angst. 

Nobara and yuuji quickly made their way to Megumi to ask him to explain why their two teachers, who seemed perfectly fine yesterday, were ignoring each other.

“Hey Megumi, what’s been going on with gojo and y/n?” Nobara whispered covering one side of her face with her hand as to prevent you and Gojo from overhearing.

“I’ve got no idea, I’ve never really seen them act this way either.” Megumi replied with a shrug.

“I’ve never really ever seen them fight this seriously either but they’re too in love with each other to let one fight end it.. right…?” Yuuji added with a slight frown on his face. 

“Well..There was this one time, a really long time ago where they both had a horrible fight.“ Megumi spoke softly putting emphases on the word ‘really.’

He looked over to Nobara and Yuuji who had an identically shocked face.

“I mean, I know not every relationship is rainbows and unicorns but really how bad was it?” Nobara spoke as her shocked impression settled down.

“I was really young back then so I can’t really remember the details but…” Megumi started speaking as his mind went back to that one night. 

Megumi recalls how one night, Gojo came home late, later than usual. He remembers how when you were preparing him and Tsumiki for bed your eyes couldn’t help but wander towards the clock that was hanging by the door. Even as a 10 year old he could tell your mind was full of worries. At the time, he was also aware enough to know why you were so worried. He can clearly recall how Gojo promised he would be home by dinner that day after skipping dinner for 3 nights in a row, you had accepted his promise with a tight lipped smile - the tension in the air was not gone unnoticed by the two children.

You were braiding Tsumiki’s hair while Megumi was drying his with a towel, you couldn’t help but notice how he’s catching onto Gojo’s habits, Tsumiki was humming a new song she learnt during her music lesson which was abruptly cut short as you finished braiding her hair. 

You called them both over so they could give you a goodnight kiss, Tsumiki went first and headed towards her room needing her alone time as a moody tween. 

As Megumi leaned over to give you a shy kiss on the cheek he paused in between and spoke softly, “Don’t worry he’ll be home.” 

You couldn’t help but smile at the kindness of the 10 year old. 

You gave him a toothy smile as you leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek instead, “Ofcourse he will! And I’m gonna beat his butt for being late again! You don’t worry about it, ‘kay?” You replied with a grin.

Which was responded by a loop sided smile and nod by Megumi as he whispered a goodnight slowly making his way to the bedroom. 

However, all your reassurances went to waste as Megumi woke up to a silent house, the usual lovey dovey atmosphere replaced by cold air.

Did Gojo forget to turn on the heating again? He wondered as he peeked through the kitchen to see you and Gojo in different corners of the room. Your usual humming replaced with silence as Gojo stole glances at you that you seemed to ignore.

Megumi looked at Tsumiki as if asking her what happened with his eyes, Tsumiki just shrugged as she played around with her food. 

Megumi took the seat next to her as he leaned into her ear asking, “Are they okay?” 

“They’ve been quiet since I woke up, i don’t know…but they love each other and they love us so it should be okay.”

Your heart broke at the mature conversation your 11 and 10 year old were having. 

“Oh shit! Look at the time.” Megumi heard Gojo shout as he dropped something in the kitchen.

“Well, don’t you care about being on time now.” You mumbled grudgingly only to be met with Gojo’s guilty eyes boring into your back. 

The entire conversation not going unnoticed by your children who seemed to just grow more worried by the minute. 

“Cmon kids pack your bags time to go! If you’re still hungry I’ll get food on the way. Quick quick quick!” Gojo shouted as he made his way to the living room clapping his hands.

As they were about to leave you went to bid them goodbye with a kiss, a routine you all gained after Tsumiki saw you giving Gojo a kiss everytime he left for missions which resulted in her shyly asking you to give her a kiss when she leaves home too. 

You kissed the children first and the kids held their breath when it was Gojo’s usual turn, and as you leaned into kiss him, the worried expressions turned into relief as they made eye contact with each other silently reassuring each other that everything would be okay. 

This is when Megumi realised that although the two of you may fight, and get upset it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. 

So now at age 16, Megumi watches you two ignore each other over a fight you will definitely be over in less than a few hours, he can’t help but grin.

“What are you laughing at?!??” Nobara questioned as she kicked Megumi on the shin.

“They’ll be fine, let’s just get back to training.” Megumi spoke as he got up making his way to the field.

Nobara and Yuuji watched Megumi from the back, “Will he not tell us about the fight?” Yuuji questioned.

“What do i know” Nobara answered, “Whatever, if he says they’ll be fine then they’ll be fine…let’s go!” She added.

[fun-k-board]

Happy New Year!! 🎉

If it's alright, could I request Loki Headcanons about a Shy Lover or Secret Admirer? I imagine something like that wouldn't stay secret for long, knowing Loki, but I love the idea of the Lover in question being flustered beyond belief at being found out 💕

MARVEL RIVALS - LOKI LAUFEYSON With a Shy Secret Admirer Headcanons!

Note(s): I'm sorry this came out a bit late, college stressed me out so bad my body and mind did a factory reset. I'll be trying to finish the rest of my requests weekly.

"Oh?" Loki's eyes are light, something unusual for the trickster. Almost eager, they flick between you and the paper that's held loosely in his hand, the usual hint of amusement in his upturned lips. "You wrote these? Well, I can't say I'm not flattered, but you are aware I've been courting you for quite some time, yes?"

You and Loki would most likely know each other prior to you becoming his secret admirer, after all, he is a bit of a flirt and you're most likely one of many that he's charmed over the years. But, for him to accept your proposal, which is how I intend to write this as to avoid angst, he would need to reciprocate your feelings. In short, he'd probably be actively courting you while you do this.

It'd mostly be insignificant things, not killing you, maybe paying you a compliment every now and then, and maybe, just maybe, if he's feeling generous he'll find it in his heart to give you a gift. Typically it's jewellery, something that reflects him, gold with green jewels are his favourite. Necklaces are a no brainer, they're so easy to spot, and it's so easy to tell who it's from, too (You'll be lucky if he doesn't engrave his name on the damn thing).

Of course, he loves to tease you. It's so fun to see you squirm and try to hide away, even if he can't see the effect of the blood rushing there, he likes to hold a hand to your face every now and then to see if it's hot. One of his favourites is to whisper plans of mischief, and maybe try and get you to tag along in his next prank or attempt to steal the throne, it depends on his mood, really.

Infuriatingly, however, you don't seem to pick up on his obvious flirtations. He immediately decides that's an issue on your part, but he'll indulge you and give an extra flirty, witty remark every now and then. Wait- you're still not- oh you frustrate him endlessly! He's got half a mind to smite you, you know!

The thing is, Loki enjoys a good mystery and a thrilling hunt, but what he wants most of all is to be adored, worshiped, have thousands at his feet begging and pleading just for him to spare them a glance. So, when he starts getting little trinkets wrapped in bows, with papers written full of heartfelt devotion... Well, how can a God refuse such wonderful praise?

It's around that time of annoyance and pining, his stubbornness refusing to allow him to confess first, you must make the first move as it's obviously you who is obsessed with him, that he actually begins to receive your gifts. In such random places too, sometimes even tucked in the pocket of his clothes! Not that he doesn't admire the bravery to do such a thing.

At first he doesn't really look deep into it, he's content to find the very obviously placed gifts and doesn't care much for where they're found. As long as he's getting the attention he rightfully deserves, he doesn't care who it's from. Why should he need to know who loves him when he's being loved either way?

But, when he does want to find out this secret admirer's identity, perhaps in a ploy to make you jealous and confess, it's when he realises that it's you. The handwriting, the way of speaking, grammar, punctuation, and the nail in the coffin is when he catches you placing a note in his quarters while invisible.

This works out brilliantly.

Not only does it confirm in Loki's mind that you're utterly infatuated and obsessed with him, but it makes him believe that you were secretly aware of his courting all along. That you, given your shy nature, had done this to play into his trickster personality. He can't say he isn't impressed by your wits! (Someone please get him a reality check...)

Naturally, Loki plans something sweet yet embarrassing for his your confession, and despite his want for love and attention, he supposes that he'll make it a private affair. After all, he does want you to admit your love for him and giving you a panic attack would probably only drive you away.

The gardens are certainly beautiful this time of day, not bright enough to burn your eyes but not dark enough so you can't see, it's perfect. Not to mention quiet. Many people prefer to admire the gardens after their meals, either in the morning or in the night, but strangely never the evening, which leaves you by yourself. It's peaceful.

Yet the peace, as usual, is interrupted by a certain prince.

You turn around when you hear your name being called, your brows shooting upwards when you realise it's Loki. What could he need? Is he planning another prank? No matter, either way you're clearly involved. So, you wave a friendly hand and hope that you can ignore the sickly butterflies in your stomach that flutter harder when the sound of his shoes click closer and closer towards you.

"I want to speak with you." Loki hums, coming to a halt only a meter away from you.

You ask what he wants to speak with you about and he searches in his pocket for a moment until he finds a small piece of paper, holding it out in his palm almost like an offering. It looks familiar. Hesitant, you feel your fingers pinch a corner and take it for yourself, dread setting in your stomach as you realise. He figured it out.

When you look up sharply to explain, his face is inches from yours. The action causes your cheeks to get unbelievably hot, and even if the blood rushing to your face isn't visible, Loki knows you, he knows your tells. "I admire your worship, darling." He whispers, eyes narrowing as a sly grin grows on his lips. "But I would prefer it to be in person."

[creatingblackcharacters]

hi ice! im sorry that you're dealing with other stresses, please don't feel any pressure to answer this quickly or anything.

im wondering if you have any advice for a Black person overcoming a lot of internalized anti-Blackness? especially pertaining to feeling like a disappointment specifically for being Black (i struggle with feeling like i will ever be attractive to a partner because of it, even if theyre also Black), and presenting in a way that makes me happy (i want to grow out an afro but i get afraid of looking "too Black", same with wearing my durag and similar things). also are there any books that you would recommend for working through that, or even just learning about Black history (reading often helps me to logic myself out of negative thought patterns and feel inspired)?

thank you! sorry if this ask is too complicated/encompasses too much

Hi! Well first, I am sorry that you've lived a life and in a world that reinforces you to hate yourself. You do not deserve that, and I'm proud of you for asking for more, and I hope you one day live a life where you love yourself and recognize how much you deserve.

If it's okay, in addition to some resources, I could give you some pointers that I gained from my own life experience unlearning internalized antiblackness. It's not an easy or short process, and there's plenty of hard truths and happy truths. I am not the sweetest advice giver either, but I promise I mean well:

1. Release the Shackles of Respectability Politics!

I was already starting to really grow into my Black identity by undergrad (my family had at least tried to help me get there through my childhood) but what really cinched it for me was the state murder of Sandra Bland. Sandra Bland was everything "right"- multiple degrees, pretty, educated, in a historically Black sorority, a college educator, a woman who spoke up for justice. Respected in her community! She was everything I thought I was supposed to be!

And the police still captured her, beat her, and murdered her in her jail cell (and lied about it, and potentially posted a picture of her dead body as her mugshot) for the audacity to question them. She's still dead! She still wasn't "good" enough to live!

No amount of being a "good, well-behaved" Black will save you in a society where being Black itself is deemed a sin. So every time you get a thought where "this isn't what society wants" or "I'm embarrassed" or "if I do this, I'll look like a bad-" cut it off! Fuck em! IT'S NOT TRUE! Recognize that you could be the finest, richest person on the street and you'd still be just a n***a in many people's eyes. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Point blank. They don't like you for your racial identity. They can be racist to Barack Obama and Beyonce, and they sure can be racist to you lmao.

It's not about you, you are not the problem! James Baldwin himself once said that racism is the white man's problem. It's not your responsibility to make them "like" you and "not be disappointed", it's their responsibility to respect you as a human being regardless!

2. Take Back Your Autonomy

This ties into the first one. Let's all thank Lil Nas X for this one, bc he did for my bisexuality what I had to do on my own for my Blackness. 🙏🏾

If they hate you anyway, you might as well be your most authentic self 🤷🏾‍♀️

Don't die disappointed because you wanted to reach white acceptance. Don't do it. If they're gonna hate you suppressed, they might as well hate you out loud 🤷🏾‍♀️ it's your life! It's why I don't shut up about racism lmao. You already hated me, now we'll both be uncomfortable and imma speak 🤷🏾‍♀️

So when you wear that durag, or wear your afro, recognize that 1) there are people just like you who love how you look because you look like them, 2) you should love how you look period because you're who matters, and 3) the day I receive a check with an undisclosed amount of reparations on it is the day I'll sit and discuss allowing whiteness to designate how the fuck I'm suppose to wear my hair lmao (and the answer will still be no). 😤

3. Accept that you're worth it

It's going to be hard. Even by wearing your afro, your own natural hair, you are making a statement of pride in your Blackness, and everyone won't understand or respect that. That was one of my first steps in high school, was cutting off all my permed hair and loving my afro. I had to write affirmations that I read daily to love myself, I was so scared. But it was worth it. My hair is healthy and happy. I had to learn brown skin was beautiful. But once I did, I couldn't stop fawning over it, on myself and others.

There are people who live their lives told by society they are perfect. Why do they get to think they're beautiful, and you don't? They're not better than you, yet they can tell you that you should hate yourself. What gives them the right? Who do they think they are? Fight back! Accept that the fight is hard, but you're worth it! Your Blackness is beautiful, and it fought hard as fuck to make it this far- honor that by honoring yourself!

4. Find some community; dive deep into Blackness

This one is self explanatory. You're gonna have to be around Black people that love themselves. Surround yourself with it. Find things they do that you like. Learn to find love in it. It could be creative, political, hell even finding a hairstyles group that shows cute ways to wear your hair. That can be a way to grow more confident and try new things. (All skinfolk ain't kinfolk though, so be aware.) But being around Black people, who care about the same things you care about, and make you feel heard, will help break that... Mind space where you feel alone and wrong. Trust, if I didn't have other Black people on this site, I would go mad from people gaslighting me that the racism I was seeing wasn't real. You need some more of us around you that reinforce your love for us, and yourself.

Here is a long paper discussing internalized antiblackness; you said you like to read lol. It admittedly focuses on Black women, BUT it might also help to use the sources that they cite to go on your own journey regardless! You could also just surround yourself with bloggers and beautiful poems and Black creations. There's beauty in all of it, you gotta let yourself find it.

I hope this helps 🙏🏾

[simpforsolas]

on spirit cole

When I first played DAI, I made Cole more human. It felt better to me. Making him human makes him more relatable and allows him to change and grow in ways that feel good to players. But my most recent replay, it's amazing how much my opinion changed.

My fundamental issue with a lot of human Cole arguments is this idea that making Cole human makes him "real." It's an extremely human-centric viewpoint (and by human I just mean intelligent mortal beings - this includes qunari, elves, and dwarves). It's this idea that in order to be "real," in order to be something valuable, you have to fit into a specific mold that's palatable and understandable by people. But in reality, spirit Cole is just as real and as valid as human Cole. Sure, he's different. Sure, he can't live a mortal life and experience typical mortal relationships. But he's still REAL. Spirits are beautiful and wonderful beings just as they are, and they shouldn't have to change into something more human to start to be seen as valuable. It simply takes embracing a different perspective to see the inherent beauty in them.

Consider this line of dialogue you get in the spirit Cole route:

"You found out, but you didn't change." The context of this line is that Cole is talking about Rhys, the mage who befriended Cole but then abandoned him when he realized what Cole truly was: a spirit. Cole has intimate experience with friends leaving him when they find out his true nature, so imagine how meaningful it is to him when the inquisitor doesn't do that. They learn he's a spirit and continue to treat him the same. Nothing changes in their relationship. Then he goes on to say, "You didn't make me change. You let me be this, be more." And that, my friends, is the core of why I love the spirit Cole route so so much. You meet this being who is different and odd, who frightens people just by being himself and wants nothing more than to help. And instead of treating him differently or encouraging him to change into something that you personally might relate to better, you accept him as he is. You don't make him change. If you listen to Cole, he seems so incredibly happy about it, too. He's happy to remain a spirit, as long as he can continue helping people and maintain the relationships he built.

And yes, Spirit Cole also does retain feelings and emotions. He expresses joy when Corypheus was unable to bind him, he expresses sadness when Solas leaves. As we learn from Solas's quest, you can certainly have friendships with spirits. It's just a different kind of relationship, and that's the entire point: Different is okay. I think that this speaks to me on a deep, personal level because of past relationships where I was made to feel like there was something wrong with the authentic, true me. Like I was broken. I felt that in order to be accepted, I had to minimize parts of myself and pretend to be someone I wasn't. So to see Cole be so wholly accepted just as he is and to not be encouraged to change was extremely cathartic for me, and I believe that's the entire point of Spirit Cole. Unapologetic acceptance for someone as they are.

There is the argument to be made that Cole wanted to be more human. After all, he took on the original Cole's identity and tricked himself into believing he was human (if you read Asunder you will know this). But I would argue that Cole never explicitly wanted to be human. He accidentally stumbled into taking on Cole's identity because his compassion and empathy was so strong and he identified so deeply with his pain, that he became him. If you talk to Cole, though, he never expresses a preference one way or the other.

Now, don't take this to mean that I don't think the human Cole route isn't lovely in its own way. There's something beautiful about self-determination and not feeling bound to stick as one thing just because you were born one way or raised to believe that you had to be one way. But all that said, I personally resonate more with spirit Cole and will be a spirit Cole truther forever.

[thebookofcarol]

i'm very much in my caryl feels right now. it's my safe bubble, and i feel very much protected in here. i'm also feeling very hopeful for the future. DISCLAIMER: i've already seen the whole season - the good, the bad, and the wonderful.

WARNING HEAVY FULL TBOC SPOILERS AHEAD-

the whole theme of the show since s1 is Daryl wanting to go home. at first, he doesn't care about anything else but going home. slowly, he starts to care about people, he develops a strong bond with Laurent, and a shockingly surprising romantic connection with Isa, but there's one thing that never changes - DARYL WANTS TO GO HOME. even when he accepts L&I have become his surrogate family, he still plans to take them home to the Commonwealth. his desire never wavers - DARYL WANTS TO GO HOME. he doesn't want to be like his grandpa, who fought someone else's war and ended ruining his family. DARYL WANTS TO GO HOME.

i know i'm going around in circles repeating myself, but what i want to mention is the song that ends the season, the same song that Laurent and Daryl sing together.

🎵You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well you might find, you get what you need. 🎵

for Laurent, what he wants is a life with his aunt and his hero Daryl, but what he actually needs is a normal life as a normal kid. and that's exactly what he gets when his new daddy Ash flies him away to the CW.

so when it comes to Daryl, it's fairly obvious to me, what he truly wants is TO GO HOME, but he gets what he needs - CAROL. as they walk out of that tunnel into their new Spanish adventures TOGETHER. he's got everything he needs. that's it.

to find home is to find each other.

despite my dislike and side eye to some of the Daryl narrative/storyarc decisions, i can't help feeling, that like Carol, he is also dealing with his own trauma and abandonment issues. the Isa hallucination is about her telling Daryl he won't die there, he won't be like his grandpa/father as she turns into fireflies.

speaking of fireflies, i don't have to like Daryl's arc, but i think the story they are trying to tell here is Daryl is Peter Pan - he is lost in Neverland, and the longer he stays, the harder it is to remember everybody back home. Isa is his tinkerbell, so he says and she literally turns into fireflies ffs. Tinkerbell (Isa) is in love with him, but Peter loves Wendy (CAROL). Wendy who risked everything to get Peter back. sounds familiar? and there you have it.

and if you're still not convince Caryl is coming, then i suggest you wait for ep 4 when Carol and Daryl meet an older version of themselves, who not only see Caryl's love for each other (thinking Carol was Isa - holy mistaken identity trope!), but also comment on them bickering like an old married couple.

i apologize in advance for my aggressive/toxic Caryl positivity. CARYL ON!

[owlf45]

started scrolling through candor and ended up rereading the whole thing. here's some things that I noticed that people didn't pick up on/didn't mention in comments (ordered from most interesting (IMO) to least):

chapter arcs & stages of grief

Roughly each of the 7 chapters in Candor embodies a different stage of grief (an extended model from the 5 stage model): shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, reconstruction, and acceptance. because grief is inherently messy, these stages are superfluous and sometimes a chapter cycles through multiple of these moods. but, generally, each chapter shines with each stage of grief. (funnily enough, this was not necessarily intentional; I broke up the chapters in terms of vibes and readability, but it turned out quite nicely.)

theme: growth, love, and the unsaid conflict b/t AFO & Yoichi

everyone picked up on the theme of self love, but really the theme is about love despite changing. its about growing up.

you see where this theme shows the failure of love when people grow in two different directions. Yoichi and AFO in chapter 3, for example:

“You lied to me,” All For One snarls. “I told you I would take care of you. I loved you, and you lied to me.”  “The person I loved died the minute you decided to kill for no reason!” Izuku snaps.  All For One reels. “What happened to the Yoichi that cared? What happened to you?”

And:

All For One watches him curiously. “I wonder how many times my adoring little brother will watch you die,” he says simply. “I wonder how long it will take before he realizes it was his fault he changed.” 

Versus Yoichi and Izuku in chapter 6:

“When you choose to love somebody, you choose to love a different version of them every day.” Yoichi looks sad. His hair curtains his face more than usual. “Maybe, when you wake up from this simulation, you will not be the same. Maybe the person who went into the simulation isn’t the one who will come out of it.” Izuku stares.  “If they love you,” Yoichi says, “they will choose to keep loving you.” “They can’t love someone who doesn’t exist anymore,” Izuku says, defeated.  “It exists, here, in your memories,” Yoichi replies. “And it exists in their memories too.” 

it is as blatant a metaphor for growing up as I could get without starting to wax poetry. it's about changing, becoming someone so different that recognizing you is difficult. yes, it is about loving yourself, but its about loving in spite of not being the person you were once comfortable being.

the line 'it exists, here, in your memories' ('it' meaning izuku) is also a little bit funny. izuku is quite literally in his memories when this line is spoken, but he is not the person he wants to be there (he is not who he was before the simulation): instead, he is unrecognizable, monstrous, and lost. it is supposed to be paradoxical. at the same time yoichi says, "it exists here, in your memories", 'it' does not exist in his memories— 'it' is dead. the contradiction lends itself to the theme of growth often being a confusing, uncertain period.

(note that Yoichi is speaking both times here. in chapter 3 he says he loved a person who died (a younger AFO who no longer exists, who didn't kill others). in chapter 6, yoichi says that when you love someone, you choose to love different versions of them as they come. here is as close as yoichi gets to confessing that he loves afo, still, even as he hates him. what makes chapter 3 fascinating is that afo says he loves Yoichi but means it shallowly and obsessively—he means he loves a version of Yoichi that is adoring, repentant, and reliant on afo. yoichi dies with his love completely unmentioned (it's not even in the narration), though it is far more real.)

inspiration from canon

there are a lot of references to the muscular fight, and the first time is when I introduce the readers to warring identities between izuku wanting to flee and wanting to fight (civilian Deku vs. hero Deku). this dialogue is actually directly from canon (the anime, at the very least). watching it inspired that whole part of the fic.

the fourth vestige & theme: perception

less for candor, more for the series in general: people wildly overestimate the 'evilness' or twistedness of izuku's fourth vestige in perception, which is my fault because I made aizawa the POV and the man is notoriously paranoid and harsh. his personal feelings do melt into the narration quite a bit which paint a brutal picture (which I did on purpose but I underestimated how seriously people took aizawa's POV), so ill talk a little bit from behind the scenes. i find the fourth vestige to be cunning, analytical, and sort of the mastermind behind canon!izuku's brains. civilian-izuku can memorize tons of facts, but obviously, he's not much of a planner. he tends to go about things in a very headstrong way, as seen by how he mindlessly throws himself into the simulation. UA izuku (the fourth) is more creative. but much like the other vestiges, he is scared and doesn't want to be left behind. he takes satisfaction when he's seen as a person, a worthy hero, a challenge. as a result, he's much like a peacock, posturing in the way izuku does at UA to seem confident and in control, though pushed to an extreme because its hosted in a single vestige. the line that gets twisted in aizawa's POV the most, I think, is this one, where UA Izuku says this to civilian (Aldera) deku:

UA Izuku holds his hand out to the other. “I don’t want to hurt people any more than you do.” And the lie is so, so smooth.

which, if you think about it for a second, is probably not an unrealistic lie for... well, anyone. civilian Deku would cry if he stepped on a ladybug. here UA izuku is charming, knowing that civilian Deku is twitchy, frightened, and difficult to pin down, and needs to be reassured of UA Izuku's goodness and kindness. UA Izuku, understanding how explosive the other two vestiges are, has to think creatively to minimize conflict and does that by seeking out the one most likely to hurt himself to keep him safe (I find UA izuku would be the least likely). now, would UA izuku be willing to hurt others? probably, if it meant keeping himself and others safe. but that's not an evil value. hence why I titled perception the way I did... not just because more things are happening that were never seen in candor, but also because Aizawa himself, our POV and our muse for the day, brings his own biases to the table.

theme: grief, again

explaining the up-and-downs of each chapter is super complicated and circumstantial, so I wont for all of them, but I wanted to talk about chapter 3 (again! I guess it has my heart). it has a heavy focus on the warmest, most compassionate characters (fifth and seventh). as hinted above, it is also the 'anger' stage of grief. much of the chapter is about this compassionate love, but its also about loss, and the anger that accompanies it. chapter three starts with izuku whole and ends with him in pieces as he loses parts of himself in parallel of fifth/seventh's memories. candor is constantly ending at an arc where it started (but with its occupants changed, different). the material in each chapter and between chapters is circular/repetitive, much like grieving is.

fun fact, i guess

the first scene in candor is not the first scene that izuku goes through. the very first line says as much: "It’s the third time Izuku’s hit the pavement face-first... And it’s his third time dying today." It's implied that Izuku's already been at it for a while in different scenes, though it's subtle. no one seemed to pick up on that in the comments until it was shown in perception. i wanted it to be very evident what the crux of the conflict in the fic was, however, so I started with the jumping-out-the-window scene.

i dont believe this is a super inclusive look at everything candor has to offer, but here's a few things i could think of right off the top of my head. again, this is what I was thinking about when I wrote it, but I am but one person, so conveying these points might not be obvious or done poorly. nevertheless, if you ever decide to go back and reread parts of it, I hope some of my decisions are enlightening and/or interesting!!

[the-apocrypha]

DVD Bonus Features: Fanfic Edition!

I have like 6k of cut scenes from my last fic (the fourth dimension) and many of them were not cut because they were bad, but because they weren't working with the overall story. Seems a shame to let them languish on Google docs. So, for anyone who might be interested - here's two scenes that didn't make the final cut!

<<<>>>

The hourglass is broken. 

The glass is intact, of course, as is the intricate brass housing Dream had spent so many hours bending and curving into symmetrical spirals. It is the spring plate that forms one of the bases—designed to depress slowly as the weight of sand gathers, thereby stretching a miniature steel coil beneath such that it begins to draw back a tiny gilt hammer. When the full weight of sand is upon it, the catch releases, and the hammer strikes the chime. 

Dream had left the mechanism skeletonized, proud of both the ingenuity and the beauty of the gears he had crafted. This is what allows him to see, today, that even though the sand piles upon the spring plate, the hammer remains stationary. The plate is not depressing.

He has migrated to the window for better light and turned the hourglass every which way. The symmetry of the hourglass means that an identical mechanism exists on the other side, for convenient comparison, and it is from this that Dream is hypothesizing that the issue is perhaps with the pinion gear. 

He will not know for certain until he attempts correction. 

And herein lies the problem, for in a masterful stroke of arrogance on his own part: 

The glass is intact. 

His only options now to access the mechanism are to melt the glass, or strategically break it apart, and in either case hope for both minimal damage to the contents and an aesthetically pleasing repair following the—

“What’s wrong, dove?” 

Or rather, what Hob actually says is hǒu is th' problem, culver?, because Dream is standing in the kitchen next to an abandoned bowl of muesli, because it is breakfast, because during breakfast they speak Middle English. Hob is before him, coffee in one hand, breakfast sandwich in the other. 

“It’s broken,” Dream replies. Is brokæ.

“It’s nearly eight,” Hob replies, eyebrows up. 

Dream abruptly sets the hourglass down. 

“So you noticed the Astrid Alarm was broken,” Hob says, as Dream swings the freezer door open and starts shifting ice packs and frozen pizzas about. “And then you didn’t set a different alarm. You didn’t eat your breakfast. You didn’t pack your bag.” 

“This is unhelpful.”

Hob goes quiet as Dream frantically stuffs notebooks into his backpack, then a water bottle (too light, probably empty), the peas, headphones, and a sweater from the back of a chair that is likely not his own. Three binder clips go into his pocket. All he needs is—

He turns to find Hob waiting, Dream’s wallet in one hand, sandwich in the other, meat now removed. 

Dream accepts both, and heads for the windowsill. 

“No kiss?” Hob complains.

The broken hourglass, too, goes into his bag. 

Dream doubles back, cups the side of Hob’s face more for the sake of injury prevention than tenderness, and presses a quick kiss of gratitude where it belongs. 

The hand on his wrist stays him. 

Hob’s fingers fall comfortably between the three watch bands that lie there, his thumb over Dream’s pulse point. 

“Tonight, five o’clock,” Hob reminds him. 

Dream holds up his other arm in reply, where a fourth watch glints golden. 

“Ah, perfect,” Hob says, beaming. “Hob Fob to the rescue.” 

It is one of the many great failures of Dream’s life, that this nickname has persisted. 

“Five,” Dream agrees, and pulls his hand free. “You will be wonderful.” 

“Best in my age group,” Hob agrees proudly, and raises his coffee mug just as Dream turns around to make for the door. The mug is a custom job from the internet a few years ago, chipped in both paint and porcelain, but the original black with white lettering can still be read: 

It does not belong to Hob. 

WORLD’S 

LEAST 

PUNCTUAL 

WATCHMAKER 

<<<>>>

(Originally there was an OC named Astrid that Dream would birdwatch with every morning, and Hob had a piano recital in the evening. Obviously these plot points went, and so the breakfast scene had to be rewritten.)

<<<>>>

A watch does not know the time it tells. 

It cannot feel the sun moving across the sky. It does not know the axis of the Earth, nor the ellipsis of its orbit. It does not reach into the fabric of the universe and pluck divine truth from the red-shift coefficient of the galaxies that hurtle through space as afterthought projectiles of the origin of existence. 

A watch begins with a mainspring—or perhaps a quartz crystal, or microscopic solar panels—but traditionally, a mainspring. This is where the potential energy is stored, to be released as the kinetic energy that will drive the gears to turn the escapement, which is what moves the hands of the watch forward, and would do so without rhythm or reason were it not for the staying hands of the balance wheel. 

The balance wheel is the best part of a watch. The most precise. The most expensive, for the precious gems encrusted upon it that almost entirely eliminate the enemy of constancy: friction. It is what decides the length of a second, for it is what checks the urgency of the marching army of gears that say go go go go go and instead says no. It says, stop. For one thousand milliseconds or one million microseconds or one trillion picoseconds, it holds the entire watch in perfect stillness. 

Then the second hand ticks over. The next interval begins. 

On, and on, and on, and on, it goes. 

<<<>>>

A watch does not know the time it tells. It is a mindless contraption, a work of metal and stone and glass, and it grinds inexorably forward with a steady tick, tick, tick, tick, tick that may at first listen sound like the drumbeats of progress. But listen closer. Listen carefully. 

It is not a ticking that you hear. It is one small gear, striking back against the machine, protesting, crying out again and again: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

(I liked this little meditation on the nature of watches, but it's a few shades off from my central thesis, and in the end was not needed.)

And that's it! Alas, sometimes good pieces must be sacrificed in the name of a greater project.

[shinjiikar1]

Once again I have so many thoughts about these episodes... i was sort of dreading watching them because i wasn't totally recovered from last week, but I ended up watching it in one sitting (with a lot of breaks to pace around and calm down lol), I really want to give this show the space and thought it deserves, it's just too good for me to watch any other way...

I'm going to make another post with my Extensive thoughts about Go Young and Young Soo, but I wanted to answer some of the questions this week first.

The first part of the story paired the relationships with Choi Mi Ae and Kim Nam Gyu. Why do you believe this section paired Yeong’s relationships with Yeom Eun Suk (Umma) and No Yeong Su (Hyung)?

I think this section really emphasized various relationships to homosexuality, particularly how it intersects with Christianity.

Both characters are homophobic (internalized or otherwise), and enact this homophobia on Go Young, but represent different aspects of how it can manifest. Umma (in the present) is willfully blind, she pressures Go Young about marriage, she sees the picture but doesn't comment, she keeps his books at her bedside and takes newspaper clippings but won't read them and she's relieved when she doesn't have to meet Young Soo. She's avoiding reality as much as she can, it seems by the end she's realized there's nothing she can do to change her son, but she wants to keep pretending that it isn't really real (an attitude I find a lot of staunchly Christian households have).

Young Soo on the other hand is reactionary and anxious. He panics and lashes out whenever Go Young does or suggests something he considers "too gay". When his senior infers he might be, he freezes and then later blows up at Go Young. He's at war with himself, and he cruelly redirects that internal conflict back onto other queer people.

Crucially, both approaches harm Go Young. He lacks acceptance and understanding from his mother as she denies a vital part from him, and he is insulted and berated by his partner because of his comfort and pride in his identity.

With the drama feeling like more of a continuous story rather than four distinct vignettes, how does the connectivity to previous characters adjust the experience with the story?

I have to say I really love the way the T-aras have been included in the show. I can't really speak on how it's adjusted the experience, but to see their continual presence in Go Young's life makes him feel just slightly less isolated and gives the audience familiar ground to stand on. When they appear at the hospital, it feels incredibly meaningful because we've seen them from the start.

While their connection with Go Young isn't as deep as some of the other characters, I think they represent a very important type of relationship. They aren't complicated, they don't insert themselves overly into each other's lives, they share some problems, but never push. I think that's why Go Young doesn't push them away, they don't have as much capacity to cause him deep and lasting harm, but they provide a source of comfort and camaraderie in a life that is otherwise isolated. Not every friendship needs to be incredibly deep and overwhelming, it's important to have friends who can provide a distraction from your problems, and a different perspective on your life. And they clearly do love and care for him, their concern at the bar and presence at the hospital show that. Just because they're not sitting down for deep philosophical chats or sharing all their trauma doesn't mean they're not good friends.

In the last section, Yeong’s experiences with Mi Ae and Nam Gyu reflected the difficult ways heteronormativity impacts queer life. How did this section highlight sources and expressions of internalized homophobia?

It's really no wonder Young Soo is homophobic given the type of people in his life and his lack of connection (intentional or otherwise) to the queer community. He views gay people in a very stereotypical and simple fashion, and on some level probably thinks he's above them because he doesn't engage in some of their more "barbarous" activities. It almost seems like he's constantly doing penance for being gay, he has to live this austere life to offset it.

After seeing Yeong's journey with these first four meaningful relationships, where are you emotionally as we head into the section with Gyu-ho?

STRESSED. I love this show Dearly, and I'm looking forward to watching more, but also I know it's going to make me cry. Especially because I know some vague spoilers (oops).

This week was such a roller coaster, but I'm enjoying the ride. I also really want to point out how well LITBC uses music, picking a specific piece to underscore each section and tie each pairing of characters together is so smart and really speaks to the level of care put into every aspect.

[tinysnailtales]

Yona of the Dawn Chapter 15

Wavering Determination

After hearing the prophecy and determining a path forward, we are finally on our way to meeting the dragon warriors(!). We also get the start of this Yoon gag–love it.

There is an air of intensity and mystery around the village of our first dragon warrior, which "has secretly dedicated itself to protecting [the dragon] blood" and is "not aligned with any other tribe and [doesn't] accept outsiders." Right away we learn that the dragon warrior from this tribe will probably have intense faith in the myths and will be another character who has lived in isolation, cut off from the rest of the world. It also seems like this village, and perhaps all the dragon villages, are more dedicated to the figure of the Crimson Dragon King than the country of Kouka.

Each character is charmingly fixated on something different as they leave Ik-Soo with Hak thinking about potential threats (which is accompanied by a nice reminder of the world's geography), Yoon being excited about seeing the dragon village and the world, and Yona basically ignoring the others and declaring "I wonder if soldiers will attack us again. I...need to learn...how to use a sword!"

Thus this chapter is focused on the search for the legendary dragon village and Yona's desire to learn how to use weaponry (get physically stronger). This connects back to King Il and his ambitions of nonviolence, which Hak himself emphasizes when Yona asks him to teach her how to fight.

"King Il never allowed you to touch a weapon. By doing this, I'm defying his orders. Think carefully about...why your father hated weapons."

He also really emphasizes that in order to truly learn to fight effectively, Yona must be willing to kill her opponent. Despite Hak's harsh words of reality, Yona is firm in her dedication to getting stronger and learning to fight. At least for self-defense. Hak agrees to teach her how to use a bow for now. 

I appreciate Yona's desire to learn "even if [she's] no match for [their enemies] or can't kill them." Yona is not aiming to be the best, she just simply wants to get stronger and be able to survive (and help the group do so!) It's not the point, but I like how it waves at the value of learning a skill even if you'll never be the best at it.

Hak, and really Kusanagi's, insistence that Yona must be willing to kill is really fascinating to me. Is it true? Hak holding onto King Il's ideals more than Yona is interesting too–yes, he does not put them into practice, but he feels the burden of them when entrusted with King Il's daughter.

I think like with the gods vs. humans, Yona presents a possible path of balance when it comes to violence vs. nonviolence. And this ties into the idea of "does she need to kill to fight?" I think perhaps it's less about being willing to kill and more about having her own ideals. Learning to fight not only provides development in her physical (and mental) strength, but it is part of her journey of self-discovery and identity. Very good!

Yoon seems to support Hak's way of thinking too, which is not totally surprising considering his "kill or be killed" attitude as a poor orphan. 

"When you use weapons...you shouldn't be half-hearted about it. We're talking about life-or-death situations. Self-defense is great in theory...but if powerless people like us were thrown onto the battlefield, do you think we could afford to not kill our enemies? In order to survive...we need to be ruthless and try to kill them in one shot...or fight dirty. We...have no choice but to outsmart them." 

Though perhaps the idea that only someone as skilled/strong as Hak has the choice to hold back could function as foreshadowing for the options faced by a stronger, more developed Yona.

Speaking of Yona's development, Yoon's thoughts taken with Yona failing to take out a baby boar emphasize how the "you must be willing to kill" idea fits in with Yona's development. She reflects that "drawing your bow means taking a life or letting someone take yours," which I don't think is necessarily true, but she is learning she must be decisive and stand her ground.

Hak offers some praise, noting she almost got it, but Yona can only think: "injuring it seems crueler than killing it for food" to which Hak notes "You're not committing yourself to it." Yona has already shown her willingness to commit herself to her goals, specifically her desire to protect Hak, but that is now being reinforced. I also think Yoon pointing out how the physically "powerless" and weak need to "fight dirty" and "outsmart" their enemies could point to Yona being a strategist in the future. 

Hak and Yona's archery practice is also revealing regarding Yona's feelings about Soo-Won and Hak and Yona's relationship. Hak has seen Yona desperately cling to the hairpin from Soo-Won and detach herself from reality after his betrayal–he thinks Yona is still in love with Soo-Won and unable to let go of him and her feelings. This moment shows that Yona's feelings are more complicated than that.

She says "there isn't anyone I want to kill!" but when provoked by Hak bringing up Soo-Won, she just about hits him dead-on with an arrow. She may not want to kill Soo-Won, but she does feel some messier, angrier emotions about him. That and Hak bringing him up in such a way gets to her–he's poking at a sensitive and complicated topic and he knows it. There is anger at Soo-Won and Hak. 

And yet, though Yona does not want to kill anyone (which I think is interestingly being set up as perhaps something that will change), she declares she'll "still use any weapon to protect [Hak]! No matter who [she] has to sacrifice," which is very...intense. Maybe it is because Hak feels like all she has left, at least of her past life, but it is as if he has become the center of her life and aims. Part of Hak's dedication to Yona is his (romantic) love for her, but for Yona–at least for now–it's something else. 

Yona's declaration makes Hak reassert their difference in status (after allowing himself a little forehead smooch), stating again that Yona should "think of [him] like a tool" and "you don't need to worry about tools." For someone so confident in his abilities, he has pretty low self-esteem. He really views his life as expendable.

And like damn, this is a good chapter to dive into Hak's feelings for Yona and how they impact his behavior, starting with his regrettable man-handling and over-the-line teasing at the beginning. Something to ponder and maybe return to...

Through all of this, it's kind of awesome to watch Yona struggle and dedicate a lot of time and energy to getting better at archery to the point of waking up in the middle of the night to fire arrows. In another, lesser story, she might have shown a natural aptitude or picked it up right away. Having her build the skill over time, and not just in montage fashion, makes things more realistic and also further emphasizes her character and arc. I think it also endears us to her. 

[chosos-husband]

Would an angsty jealous fem reader x lifeweaver fic be doable? Where shes jealous bc lifeweaver likes to flirt around with the others and it ends in her wanting to quit working with overwatch bc she gets hurt watching him with others? Happy ending please! One where they get together hwheh thank you!

Ugh Lifeweaver my BELOVED. Literally love this man so much. Thank you so much for requesting qwq!! Also sry this took forever! I am in college, and it has been screwing me over lately lmfao. Hope you enjoy it :3

I also forgot that I will be writing the reader with neutral identity unless otherwise stated. Thanks!

Niran, in general, was a flirtatious person. He always made cute comments towards the people that he was closer to. Even to those he had just met, he would give the sweetest remarks about something he saw in them.

He had a talent of seeing the best in those around him. Everything living had beauty and value to him. Niran had a calling to protect this inherit beauty.

Of course, this did not end with you. Every message from him was signed off with something just to make you smile. It was impossible to not love him, even if it was just a little. It was hard to not love someone who made you blush every day.

As time passed on, you did learn to love him, a lot actually. You made excuses to visit his office and made reasons for you two to work together, even if there was no logical explanation for that decision.

You learned to admire Niran in the same way he did you. You appreciated him as a being. Physically, he was stunning. Anyone could agree with that. However, you feel in love with him entirely, a large component of that being in his words and actions.

It was easy to feel special with him. It was as natural as breathing to love him.

It's why it burned so much to see him talk that same way to others. For awhile, it was just you. He would only really speak to you in this way. But, quite suddenly, he started talking like that to others.

You analyzed what those peers had that you didn't. You didn't know what Niran's type was, as it kinda seemed like everyone was.

He would compliment their outfits and style. You couldn't help but wonder if that's what he would have preferred out of you. It was simplistic to fall into the trap of what he would have preferred. What would make him adore you as much as you did him.

As more time passed, you grew angry with him. It was cruel. That he would give the impression that you were special to him. Just for him to run around and talk to other people the same way. It just wasn’t fair for him to do this to you.

You couldn’t look at him without him being angry. You couldn’t stand for him to compliment you anymore. You knew how he would be talking that way with just anyone else. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't special to him.

You started just ignoring what he said to you. You would roll your eyes or not respond. Niran tried asking if he was doing something to upset you. But you never answered him, you would simply walk away.

It got to the point where you just didn't want to see his face anymore. Even if he only spoke to you again, it didn't matter. You didn't want to see him anymore. As, all it did was hurt.

You grew with frustration when Overwatch didn't accept your request to transfer departments. They stated that your work with Niran was important and that you two already agreed to work on that assignment together.

Niran looked by as you were putting things into a box. Everyone else had already left the building. You didn't want to make leaving a big scene. You didn't want anyone to question you or try to talk you out of it. It didn't even come to mind how Niran tended to stay later than everyone else did.

"y/n, what are you doing?" He frowned. He knew that you were angry with him. However, Niran still loved you and he didn't want to see you leave.

"Why do you care?" You snapped back. You continued to pack things into boxes.

"I care about you. We've worked together for a long time now. Why do you think I wouldn't?" Niran stepped close to you, which just made you more irritated.

"Don't even try to pull that with me anymore. If you care about me, you wouldn't talk to me like that. You wouldn't flirt with me and then act like I'm nothing the second I step away and there is someone else to talk to. I'm not special to you." You rambled. If you were thinking rationally, you would have seen the hurt in his eyes. That, he hated the idea that he was hurting you this much and didn't even know it.

"That's just the way I speak, it isn't personal, y/n." Niran tried to explain, but you weren't really listening.

"It doesn't matter. I'm leaving Overwatch anyway. You can tell them that when I don't come in tomorrow."

"You can't leave! Our work is together. I work with you and that's the only way it will continue to grow. I can't continue this project alone. "

"Why should I care now?"

"Why are you angry?" Niran was starting to get frustrated with you. Though, he was very good about keeping his anger in check. He just didn't understand how he was supposed to know you were upset without you talking to him.

"Because I loved you and it felt like you loved me back. But I don't mean shit to you. Do I, Niran? Aren't I just some other person in this lab to you?

Niran's eye widened a little bit. The confession was sudden, but provoked. His normal confident, charming demeanor fluttered. He was blushing.

Your confusion grew as you could see him looking for any implication of sarcasm.

"Are you serious?" Niran smiled a little bit. His tone was soft and no longer defensive.

"Why lie now? I'm leaving anyway." You shrugged. There was a level of embarrassment to it. That you are confessing to someone just before running away.

"I do love you. I have for quite a long time really."

Your entire expression softened. Now, you were trying to figure out if he was being sarcastic.

"You don't act like it. I don't really believe you, Niran."

"I have. I wasn't sure how to talk to you. I tried. But I wasn't sure you were interested at all. I only started talking to others to get over it. But I can't say that I ever did. I never stopped thinking about you in that way. I just didn't want to say it and ruin our friendship." He paused. "But I guess I did that anyway, didn't I?"

You stood there, looking into the box that you had on your chair. Maybe this was all just a silly misunderstanding. Perhaps you were just being jealous and refusing to talk to him about it.

"Are you willing to give me another chance?" Niran asked, making you look up. You hesitated for answer for a moment.

"I think I will."

~~

A few months later, you two are cuddling in his room. He definitely appreciated showing his affection through actions. You were laying on top of him, your head resting against his chest. Initially, you were counting his heartbeats, but he kept talking to you and making you forget which number you were on.

"Thank you for giving me another chance y/n." Niran put his fingers through your hair.

"I wouldn't if you weren't so pretty." You were just teasing and it made him smile.

"Then, I'm glad that I am. I don't want to imagine a life where I'm not with you." Those stupid words again. You could feel your face getting a little hot.

"Hush now, I'm going to bed."

Niran was awake a little longer than you. He couldn't stop thinking about this. He was scared that he almost lost you. That him not being able to say it made your relationship almost never happen.

But, he had you now and you had his complete, unforgiving attention.

[castlebyersafterdark]

I think as a straight woman i would have lots of work to do if mike and el ended the show in a relationship, in a house at the end of a cul de sac, or even implied to get married. I'm not just talking about queer themes gone awry or sad Will or byler totally tanking inexplicably, but I would also have to work hard to fill in all the blanks between nancy's derisive speech about her parents starting their nuclear family, which I really resonated with in s1, and the very normal path nuclear family ending mike and el are apparently deserving of (according to some fans). Byler is refreshing and cosy to me because I too havent followed a 'normal' path of marriage and kids, no matter my sexuality. I think byler represent so much more than queer victory.

YES! Oh, this is an important one, thank you for sending this in. This is EXACTLY why showcasing and delivering on relationships like Byler are important for more than queer rep and those who like same sex pairings in media.

There's also a message in the validity and possibility of different paths in life. Of finding love in all sorts of ways. Of breaking free from societal expectations. Soooo much of Mike and El play into that expectation, and many as well as myself have talked at length about that so I won't completely dissect it - but we know the background. All the themes of conformity and what each characters needs to succeed and find happiness. Mike to accept himself and find his identity and follow his heart and find strength in stepping up for those he loves. El to be her own person and find love unconditional (through family and friendship) and prove to herself that she is more than a girl with powers. And Will to gain self love and thrive as a survivor and also accept his identity through reciprocal romance when that is the main thing he feels not allowed. So - we have different paths.

And Mike and El together - no one really progresses, no one's arcs really go anywhere, no one learns, they settle. Boy and girl meet and are paired up by their environment simply because of that fact. Future decided for them both before they are even FRIENDS. Dear Lucas, product of society "If you love her so much why don't you marry her!" when Mike was only defending her status as a weirdo in comparison to a superhero and to the Party being weirdos as well. And yet... multiple characters pushed that on him, on them. Is that the only choice for people? Paired off, married, man and women with children and settling and resentment? Fine for some, wonderful of course, but it should not be the blueprint anymore. We are all our own people with our own stories. So many different stories. We need to see different ones on screen.

And to my other point, slightly related but one I always like to pipe in because it contains a mantra - it's also important to see different relationships and journeys on screen to allow others to experience different lives lived - even different than their own. Very different. And GOOD! Should do so. Everyone can't live in their little bubbles and only ever see themselves - can people sympathize and root for and enjoy those unlike themselves? And can they then also maybe see something they can relate to, or at least appreciate, or use to inform their own viewpoint.

There's a trajectory especially in regards to relationships like Will and Mike in media, and so many others, because media is the gateway to speaking to society at large. Story-telling has always been important to the human condition and experience. Here we are still debating and discussing the worry about Byler, even those with utmost confidence. You cannot be one hundred percent sure. The world we live in doesn't have those odds.

My mantra resides in a real life focus on stage three when it comes to who I am and what that means. I hope our beloved characters get to have that same path and treatment.

Tolerance -> Acceptance -> Celebration.

🫶

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Four episodes into For All Mankind season 2, some thoughts (behind the cut for anyone who wants to start watching):

So far the focus of the season has been strongly on the interpersonal relationships on earth rather than events in space, and it’s well done and I’m really liking it.

First, Karen and Ed. I ended Season 1 really wondering how or if they were going to cope, because, well. Karen slapped her son and yelled at him and then he snuck out to go to his basketball game and then he was hit by a car and DIED. That just…didn’t feel like something a parent could emotionally survive, especially someone like Karen for whom it seemed like her identity was wrapped up in trying to be The Ideal Wife And Mother.

So, seven years later…they’ve adopted a Vietnamese daughter who is about to go off to college, and they’re actually doing pretty good? Karens has entirely dropped the Stepford image and is now much more relaxed, dresses casually, and is running the astronaut bar. Ed, who was on the moon when his son died, has spent the last 7 years on the ground. They’ve dropped the controlling parenting habits. They’ve got a genuinely good relationship with their daughter.

Which is then tested when their daughter decides she wants to go to Annapolis (naval academy) for school. They both react badly when they first hear it (Ed reacts a lot worse) because, uh, they don’t want their second kid to die too. It’s an incredibly stressful situation, but it’s also apparent they after the initial shock, they are trying. Their daughter is portrayed as really the most maturely-behaving one in all this at least on the emotional level, but on the other hand…kid, Reagan is trying to start World War Three, “cool planes go fast” is SO not a good reason for wanting to join the US military.

Then there’s Tracey and Gordo, who are doing…not so great. They’re divorced (unsurprising), Tracey’s a superstar with a newly-acquired rich husband, Gordo’s got a bear gut and a speaking tour at the Legion. To his credit, Gordo does continue to be good with his kids while failing at everything else. And while Tracey had every right to divorce him, I do sympathize with one thing that’s clearly eating at him: his speaking tours force him to continually accept the lie that he rescued Danielle from the moon after she broker her arm, whereas in truth it was him who needed the evac because he was mentally cracking up, and she broke her arm to cover for him. She doesn’t want her lie to be revealed, so he has to keep it up when he’d rather come clean.

I’m hoping we’ll get some backstory on what’s up with Tracey, because this smile-and-giggle starlet is so not her. She’s projecting the image of a perfect life while falling apart.

And here we get into where Ed is seriously screwing up. Because he’s running the astronaut program, and through the first four episodes he makes a series of decisions that are clearly cronyism. (Nepotism is jobs for your family, cronyism is jobs for your friends.) Tracey and Gordo are both going to the Moon, and neither of them should be going – Tracey’s missing training sessions and getting drunk and crashing her Porsche, while Gordo is still freaking out about the idea and is in too poor of physical condition to even fit into his uniform, much less the peak condition an astronaut needs. Neither of them have, to all appearances, being doing anything to keep up their skills in the last seven years. And Gordo is only going because Ed thinks it will break him out of his funk, whis is a REALLY bad basis for picking an astronaut.

Then Ed gives himself command of the fanciest new spaceship for basically just the reason that he wants it, and immediately snaps back from golfing-dad to adrenaline-junkie.

And then he gives command of another mission to Danielle, who wants it because her sister-in-law was going after her for being the “token Black girl”. And given all the above decisions it would be a definite double standard to refuse her – but she’s been off for seven years on family leave related to her husband’s death, and in general I would think you wouldn’t want someone who’s been out if action that long immediately jumping into a mission command post.

I’ve got a strong feeling that some or all of these decisions are going to blow up in Ed’s face. When Deke said “I decide who goes up” he meant: I pick qualified people to be astronauts, politics be damned. When Ed says it, it seems to just mean: I can do what I want. Dude, nobody but you thinks Gordo should be up there. Even Gordo doesn’t think Gordo should be up there. Have your midlife crisis outside of NASA.

Outside that quartet, also lots going on.

Molly Cobb “saves” a fellow astronaut on the Moon, and by “saves” I mean “instead of him dying immediately, they’re both going to die of cancer in the next few years.” Molly is straight-up ignoring this, which, I love her, but not a great decision. I think she’d be generally inclined to that kind of heroism, but Tracey disobeying orders to save Molly in Season 1 is probably playing into it too.

Margo is having a great plotline with Aleida that is almost hilariously (but painfully) replaying Margo’s own issues with her emotionally-absent dad. I empathize strongly with Margo refusing Aleida’s request to stay at her place at the end of last season – for one thing, she thought Aleida did have someplace else to go, and for another, Aleida can phrase it as “crash at your place” all she wants but if a 13? 14? 15? year-old has no other guarduans and is staying with you, you are now their parent, and Margo had no idea how to do that and was scared of screwing it up! Was it an deal decision? No! Was it even a good one? Probably not! But as someone who chronically prefers “not doing this at all” over “trying and fucking it up” – I totally get her. Raising a teenager isn’t like picking out a new hobby, nor is it in the sam3 realm as tutoring a teenager, which is what Margo signed up for. Anyway, Aleida is now reacting to Margo like Margo reacted to both her father figures, which given the comparisons is a bit much; it’s not like Margo has a dark past working for ICE.

Ellen has gone into management to try to get the Mars program going, and is now having to deal with Politics. And that closet is now vacuum-shielded.

[sherlynbrennan13]

I know I've had my Tumblr abandoned for a while, but I'm back !!! Miss me?

Anyway, I want to show you these designs I made for an AU Appleradio (which I won't write because ✨creative block✨) but in short it's as follows:

Lucifer is a widower, Charlie is going to University and he feels lonely so he resumes what was his passion when he was younger, this is the study of the paranormal (ghosts, UFOs, cryptids) and although before he only wrote about it in a blog, now he decides to open a Youtube channel, which is very successful from the beginning.

One day, a follower from Louisiana calls him to tell him that he has captured a beast that has been stalking the swamps for decades, everyone took them as a legend and the only proof of their existence were some footprints and also several deaths of hikers or people who went into the swamps and only their bodies were found. However, this man was seriously dedicated to catch the creature and finally succeeded, so he offers to sell it to Lucifer and he undertakes a journey to see it before accepting any deal.

The creature in question turns out to be something similar to a Wendigo, and upon verifying that it is alive and genuine, Lucifer buys it and somehow takes it to his home, where he installs it in a cage in the basement. Driven by curiosity, he becomes obsessed with investigating it, learning more about it and at a certain point he even begins to get attached to it, because contrary to what people say, the creature is quite peaceful with him, does not try to attack him and even seems to have some attachment to him.

From the moment he gets the creature, Lucifer begins to have very strange dreams, related to each other as memories. In all of them, he is a cop in 1920 who finds himself chasing a dangerous criminal known as the New Orleans Monster. At the same time, he strikes up a friendship with a radio announcer, who takes an interest in "helping" him solve the case, although Lucifer always feels that the man is hiding something from him. As time goes by and they live together, certain feelings beyond friendship begin to develop between them.

Then one day, Lucifer discovers a ritual that supposedly helps humans who have been transformed into creatures like the one he has, to return to their human state. He decides to try it and it actually works, the next morning when he wakes up, he finds a boy in the creature's cage, the strange thing is that he is not only identical to the man in his dreams, but he speaks to him with the same name he had in that "alternate history" and tells him things that only Lucifer could know because they happened in his dreams.

Then, thanks to conversations between them and research, it is known that Lucifer is a reincarnation of that policeman from 1920, almost identical physically so Alastor recognizes him immediately, and his strange dreams were just the small human part of Alastor that still remained in the creature, transmitting his memories to try to establish a bond and save him.

By the end of the story of the two in 1920, Lucifer was beginning to make the connection between the killer and that announcer, but at the same time he was so drawn to him that he was in denial. Alastor dates him at a carnival costume party, with intentions of confessing his feelings to him, he also planned to get away from the criminal life for a while to be with him, however, the night before the party he decides to commit his last murder and lures a victim into the swamp, however this turns out to be a trap and he ends up being killed by a group of hunters who had been trying for months to get rid of the Monster of New Orleans, who had previously killed one of his hunting companions. In that life, the case remains unsolved, Lucifer later meets a woman and marries her, but he never stops wondering what happened to Alastor.

But... To clarify, in the beginning Alastor was just a murderer, the habit of eating his victims started due to a spirit that inhabited the swamp, which began to appear to him in dreams first, and once Alastor tasted human flesh for the first time, the spirit began to possess him making him have periods of violence where he could not remember what had happened, it causes him nightmares and hallucinations and for some reason, the only way to dampen those symptoms is to continue consuming human flesh. When Alastor is about to die from the wounds caused by the gunshots and the hunters' hounds, the spirit manifests itself to him, now physically, and offers to save him if Alastor lets it take full control of his body and mind, then it will heal his wounds, It will keep him alive somehow, although what it does not tell him is that he will not be aware of anything that happens from that moment on while he is under the spirit's control, so when Lucifer releases him with the ritual, it was as if time had not passed for Alastor, and he genuinely thought that he was still in the 1920s, that somehow he was free of his persecutors and that the next day he had a date with the man he loved.

In the present life, Alastor goes to live with Lucifer since he has no money of his own and his papers are no longer valid. Lucifer tries to teach him about technology and life in this age, as well as help him overcome the fact that the world as he knew it and the people he loved in his time no longer exist. Eventually, feelings between them resurface... I haven't thought too much about that last part, though.

[toast-tales]

Cursed Cravings, Chapter 9: A Taste So Bittersweet

In which Christopher gets a taste of the past, thanks to Danny. Contains: 2.1k words | Chapter 1 | Read this story on A03!

Christopher felt a little more confident about preparing Danny’s food the next morning, given that it hadn’t ended up all over his shirt the day before. It was a mindless task for him, but he found a simple sort of peace in preparing the food the enchanted kitchen kept stocked and fresh, portioning it as much as he could into a size that was manageable for Danny to consume. He often wondered why Sybil had given him a magically stocked kitchen with food for his size, not humans, but he wrote it off as just another form of torment. A way to further taunt him with the most glaring issue his awful, cursed body possessed—he couldn't taste any of it.

“I’m glad you’re finally eating the food I make for you,” he remarked smartly to Danny as he set her tray down next to her bed, where she was still tangled in the sheets, her hair bedraggled and her eyes laden with the weariness of having been woken up too soon, even though the sun had long since risen past the horizon. 

She sat up slowly, looking at him curiously as her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Wait, you made that?” She gestured toward her tray. “But Sam said you didn’t eat food. How do you know how to cook?”

Christopher tried not to look too taken aback, but it was hard to repress when she’d broached a topic dangerously close to questions he couldn’t—and didn’t want to—answer. “They told you that?” God, what else have they told her? I really need to keep a closer eye on them. 

“Uh…yeah. How do you…I mean, you’ve never had food before? Like, ever?” 

She didn’t seem judgmental, but her curiosity didn’t seem to heed the generally accepted standard of avoiding prying into other people’s lives. 

“...no,” Christopher lied smoothly. He couldn’t speak about the curse if he’d wanted to, or even allude to the fact that there had ever been a time that he had been human like her, and not truly a giant at all. Thankfully, he’d had plenty of practice in crafting a believable tale around his identity, so the lies flowed as easily as breathing for him. “I don’t really know what food tastes like, but I’ve read many books to help me learn how to cook for my…human guests. It’s always been an interest of mine, even if I can’t experience it fully.”

The statement wasn’t entirely untrue—it had been so long since he’d been human that he had started to forget what normal food tasted like at all. The meals he prepared for Danny didn’t even have a scent to him anymore—even Sam could smell the aroma of fresh-baked bread and sweet desserts without a body, somehow. But to him, it was all an empty, hollow sensation. If he tried to smell any of the food, or put it upon his tongue, it was bland and tasteless, prompting his body to respond with the same level of disgust as one might have if they tried to ingest a handful of dirt from the ground. 

For a few years, it had made him rather melancholy, to not be able to partake fully in one of his favorite hobbies anymore. Even before his parents’ death, he’d always found his way into the kitchen, begging the cook to let him try to make something. He’d spent so much time in the kitchen with Sam once everyone else had left, often taking the duty from his manservant entirely. It had helped to give him something to do, to keep his mind off of things.

Now, his tongue was stained with but one taste—only one thing met it with any sort of flavor. Thinking of it still made his stomach turn over.

Danny chewed thoughtfully, regarding him with an expression that suggested she believed him—just barely—but found his statement even more curious as a result. “Do you…want to know what your food tastes like? I could try…describing it to you.”

Christopher tilted his head, a slightly dumbfounded grin on his face as he was broken out of his trance by her unexpected offer. “You’d do that?” 

She shrugged nonchalantly, pointedly looking away from him again as if the idea had started to embarrass her. “I mean, if you’ve never eaten anything it might be a little difficult to explain, but I can try.” 

Christopher tried to hide his excitement and failed, his grin tipping upwards slightly as a humored curiosity stirred inside of him. “Go ahead, doll.” 

Danny picked up the tiny sliver of bread he’d carved off for her and took a bite thoughtfully. “It’s…warm. And…crispy, but soft on the inside. It’s sort of like…there’s something about bread that feels satisfying, and comforting. It makes you feel full. I guess, besides the way it tastes…” Her eyes gained a sort of far-off stare to them, as if she was looking at an entirely different scene. “...bread makes me think of family, and being content and safe. Even when we didn’t have a lot of other food, we’d usually be able to make some bread, at least, and that was enough for the moment.”

She blinked a few times, as if coming back to the present—looking slightly embarrassed as she did so and glancing down at the tray. “But, um. Your bread’s pretty good. I don’t know if any of that made sense.”

Christopher leaned lazily against an arm that he propped up on the chair, gazing intently past Danny. For whatever reason, her explanation filled him with a sort of nostalgia. Even if it wasn’t quite an experience he knew personally, as “family” had never been a concept so warm and loving to him, he thought that for a second he could taste bread on his tongue again, as if she’d somehow brought the concept to life for a fleeting moment. The taste was gone as soon as it had come, if it had even come at all—but the warmth it brought him remained.

The compliment also didn't evade him. A smirk overtook his face.

“It made perfect sense. Please, continue.” 

Danny gave him a somewhat uncertain, skeptical look before she continued on, picking up a piece of the sausage he’d cut down to be handled by her. Though he of course had no human-sized silverware to give her, he found it a little humorous that she simply used her hands to eat without a second thought. He used to get his own hands smacked for doing so as a child. 

“This is kind of…well, it’s a bit fancier than what I’m used to back home, but it’s, um…savory? And a little spicy. I, uh, guess you wouldn’t know what that means. Um…” Her head bobbed from side to side as she tried to think of a way to explain it.

Christopher did know those sensations, faint as they were in his memory, but he was finding her struggle a little humorous to watch.

“...it’s sort of like, your tongue stings a little, but it’s not painful. And…” She chewed on, pensively. “It’s like every time you think you get one flavor down, there’s another spice or something you can catch. I don’t know, I’ve…we don’t get to use a lot of spices back home. And meat’s kind of a special occasion thing, at least stuff like this. This is…it’s kind of exciting, like you keep unraveling new things the longer you eat it. But all the flavors work together to make something really, uh…” She waved her hands around in circles to articulate her point. “...complete?”

Danny waved it off, quickly finishing the bite of sausage. “Although, I mean, it was probably pre-made or something, but still.” 

“No, no, I’ll take the compliment,” Christopher teased, though he really had done nothing more than slice the sausage into a smaller size for her. 

She rolled her eyes, and moved on to the orange. He’d only managed to cut the wedge so small—it was still easily the size of her face, but she tore into it anyway. Juice dripped down her clothes, but she ignored it as she chewed.

He couldn’t suppress a small laugh, though he tried to hide it behind his hand as a cough. 

She glared at him. “What’s so funny?”

He gestured with a light wave of his hand to her whole body. “You’ve got a bit of…on your…”

“I was gonna change anyways.” She stuck out her tongue at him. “You’ll just have to do your guest’s laundry.” 

Is she really starting to boss me around? As if I’m the one that does laundry anyways. He didn’t correct her, though—he just found himself staring at her with a gentle amusement, caught off guard by her brazen nature as always. 

Danny continued on with her explanation, still utterly unbothered. “This tastes like…summer. Like the way sunshine feels on your skin, and how nice cold water feels when it’s really hot outside. It’s sweet, and a little tangy. But refreshing. It tastes…happy.” 

An unexpected sensation gripped his own tongue, the imagined citrus dancing across his taste buds almost as if he had taken a bite of the orange himself. Thanks to her, he could remember, for just a brief moment, how the fruit had tasted—for just a moment he became swept up in that simple joy she described, finding an odd significance and sentimentality had lent itself to the experience. It was just an orange she was describing—a piece of mundane fruit he’d probably never spared a second thought to all those years ago—but in this moment, he swore he almost felt…

…human.

He blinked a few times, having almost completely detached himself from the present moment. Danny was still eating, completely oblivious to his introspection as she munched on. He shook his head slightly as if to clear it, but instead felt a tiny surge of emotion well up in his chest. He couldn’t place its source, or even its nature. 

“...thank you, Danny. That was…very enlightening.” He rose to his feet to leave, bowing his head slightly towards her as he did. “I’ll leave you be for now.”

She gave him a quizzical look. “What, you have things to do?”

He turned away from her, not allowing her to see his face—which he was starting to lose control over keeping composed. “I…do have some errands I need to take care of. I’ll find you later.”

“Alright,” she replied, a little quieter than before.

He left the room and closed the door softly behind him, wandering down the halls aimlessly for a short while. He hadn’t a destination in mind, nor did he have errands to run.

All he could think of was the way she’d listened so intently to the story yesterday, and the way that she’d fallen asleep in his hands. The way she boldly defied him, even though she was dwarfed in size and class alike. The way she described her simple breakfast in a way that touched him, and somehow made him remember a time when he had been well and truly happy.

She spoke with me. She isn’t afraid of me—I don’t even think she hates me as much anymore.

A thought tugged at his mind, a tiny and pestering worry that began to impede on the light, happy feeling in his chest until it became corroded at the edges with anxiety.

I enjoy her company.

Sam had been right—he hadn’t been trying lately, not for the last few years at least. It was so, so much easier to limit his interactions with the people he kept, even as the crushing weight of loneliness invaded his soul. It was easiest not to grow attached, and to keep them afraid, or angry—because the light of trust in their eyes would always extinguish, and it would pierce his heart every time to remember the way they looked at him once he’d had them inside long enough to push the beast far enough back beneath the surface, when he let them out, just before he took their memories away. 

It was easiest to just ignore the people he kept here. To let them think of him as nothing more than a cruel monster. That was why he hadn’t been trying to be nice, even if being nice would surely be the only hope that one of them would fulfill the impossible conditions needed to break the curse. It was soul-crushing work, to do it over and over and over again, never able to consume the same person twice, always needing to find a new face to look at him and scream in terror.

Danny would be just another one of those faces. Within a week, he’d need to consume her.

I enjoy her company. 

I don’t want her to be afraid of me. 

He didn’t even think about the possibility of her being the one to break the curse—all he could think of was that of all the people he’d met, captured, and invited over the years, she was one of the first in a long time that he found himself, unfortunately and inexplicably, beginning to care for.

And how could he subject someone he cared for…to that? 

…oh no.

* * * * * * * * * *

Next chapter ->

Christopher may have started to care. But does Danny feel the same way? Is there any hope at all of breaking his curse? Next week is chapter 10, Chosen!

Thank you for reading!

[sixosix]

THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS- Akjsdhfaksljhflka Exam season ended earlier than i thought so it's time to poke for details! 

I gotta start off with me kicking my feet over my shared theories from last time. They weren’t fully right but AAAA

The fact that Thawed!Reader was a distraction to Lyney and Father leaving her alone all this time…asjkghhsgaf Her just casually mentioning, ‘oh yeah, I knew she couldn’t have gone far’... And her implying that she had already had a plan to deal with this type of situation before Aether interfered just says so much about her character. I wonder how different it was going to be, because it seemed like she was just going to leave T!Reader be until she actually interfered like now. Maybe use the potion still? Relocation? Her character both in general and here makes it seem like she wouldn’t just kill her without a second thought. 

Also, I like to imagine the research she did into Rosalie was not only to come up with a plan as to what to do now that there were new variables, but to make sure her child was at least going to be ok under Rosalie’s care. After her not-a-answer answer…. Adlkfhjasldkfjlaks Father cares in her weird way it's fine, don't worry.

I love the inclusion of the potion from her story quest by the way! I think it adds a more devastating twist than what I originally thought may have been on the line, like her life. Like, Thawed!Reader would be perfectly fine, but not only does she lose memories of all the recent (and previous) memories such as any positive moments with Aether or her familial connection with Rosalie, but also people who deeply care about her (Rosalie, our fauti trio, maybe aether and paimon?) suddenly lose their friend since her identity is so closely tied to being a part of the Fauti. From being one to becoming a runaway one, almost every action she has taken till now has been influenced by her past and if she accepts then it's all gone. I know you mentioned that Lyney would absolutely still chase after Thawed!Reader even if she took the potion and he had to start from the beginning(which absolutely see it ashdlaksh) but there is absolutely no way he wouldn’t feel any short of hurt by that. Even as he tries to woo her for a third time, he’s going to be holding on to memories he can’t tell her about for multiple reasons. Experiences he adores like sparing but she may not be able to do any more. 

(Speaking of the potion, i do have my own theories on what may happen with everyone involving that… but i’ll share that in a separate ask.)

The Knave’s and Rosalie interaction was so nice; both sets of parents really do be fighting huh. But while T!Reader’s and Lyney’s was a bit more high strung, the other parents feels a bit more like understanding each other. Not that they like it, i mean, look at Rosalie. It felt like two different parents trying to co-parent, if that makes sense? I mean, like I mentioned before, if the Knave really wanted to, she could have just killed T!Reader and even Rosalie and be done with it. But besides wanting Rosalie to act as bait; she mostly had a calm discussion, and seemed to keep Rosalie’s feelings in mind as a fellow parent of this kid. I mean, she even reined in the soldiers when they lashed out at our favorite flower shop owner in their blind loyalty. And her kinda silent approval at Rosalie’s answer about the potion? Why is the set of parents that includes a harbinger having the calmer convo? (Gotta ask as well! What flower did Father give Maman? Despite the meanings, I do think that considering her ascension materials, it may have been a rainbow rose. But if we consider other Fontaine flowers, Lumiose bells also fit well! And Romaritime flowers sadfasfasdf…) 

As for T!Reader and Lyney- akdfjalskjf THE PARENTS REALLY DO BE FIGHTING HERE! Dear god the tension rising in the situation, T!Reader is blinded by worry and anger while Lyney is partly blinded by love and his want to help. Paimon, Aether and Lynette are the audience at this point (although, gotta say, love the explanation to how they know there T!Reader lives! Despite how she’s acting now in the context of Rosalie being kidnapped, it was a perfect compromise to deliver the gift but let T!Reader keep some form of privacy. Too bad it is also working against the twins in this moment with  Arlecchino’s plans. Plus, they may have found out anyway due to the fact their crew of workers had also seen T!Reader around Fontaine in the past. All it would take was one of the workers going to Rosalie’s shop while T!Reader was working.)

Lyney almost said love!! My man had a confession moment!! Too bad that it was in the middle of a fight. That whole conversation had layers I want to poke at for more information. Lyney’s automatic confirmation of betraying Father for T!Reader, her calling Rosalie her mother to everyone, Aether’s hurt at her blaming him, T!Readers fixation on the fact that; from her point of view; Lyney is only taking and taking and taking.But it's her exit that caught my eye the most. It felt like a really cool parallel from back in chapter three when T!Reader gained her vision. 

Both times T!Reader was upset and angry, and Lyney comes in as both connected to the source of her problems as well as someone who just wants to help her. Both times she lashes out at people (the fight/freezing during the first and the cruel words plus biting cold in the second). And both times she walks away leaving behind a barrier of ice (technically it was a door covered in some ice in the second fight but shh we’re still counting it).

I wonder if Lyney also recognized the parallels as well, since his tone switched from stubborn and confident to weak pleading the moment T!Reader starting walking away! Just the echoes of it, I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere in lyney’s thought process was just like ‘not again, please not again’. All the effort and care he took into trying to not scare her off again just went down the drain by Arelcchino’s actions, and just like before, he’s unable to convince her to stay and let him help. However, this time, he has a lead in the form having some knowledge on Father’s methods as well as knowing that T!Reader is going to try and go after her to get Rosalie. And I’d be willing to bet money that he’s going to latch onto that and not let go. 

Also, remember how my first ask mentioned aether being a deadman once lyney found out that he blackmailed Thawed!Reader? Yeah I think we’re at that point, we’re gonna see this man go feral like he did in the fortress. Not to mention Rosalie and (maybe) Arlecchino’s reaction. I doubt Arlecchino will actually do something since the potion is already her plan but I’m sure she’s curious about how the traveler pushed up the timeline. And I doubt Rosalie is gonna be a happy maman once she learns why her daughter started hanging out with the Outlander. 

P.S, totally for absolutely no reason in particular… how do you feel about fanfics of your fanfics?

-deadman aether anon

HHEHEHE IM SO GLAD U STOPPED APOLOGIZING FOR LONG ASKS its about time…. WE LOVE THIS SHIT!!!!!

- father does care!!!!! and it shows even in canon lore!!!!!!! ofc the children wont have it easy and they wont be spoiled rotten with affection but i think thats what makes arlecchinos way of doing things even more special and i rlly wanted to incorporate that here toooo

- yesss:( mc’s entire identity is VERY tied to her “past” as a fatuus! of course lyney wouldnt be happy about mc forgetting everything that made their relationship, because what they had was very special to him!! (and i would love to hear that potion train of thought)

- i think i didnt write it clear enough which is my fault! but the flower i was hoping to hint that arlecchino was giving to rosalie was the “Snezhnayan” flower that Arle bought from her a few chapters ago. fun fact i didnt want to assume to whatever hyv had planned for snezhnaya flowers, but i wanted it to be a flower that had originated from khaenriah but still became relevant to snezhnaya. so to rosalie, it was just an imported flower, but it was one that was unique enough to make her remember whoever bought it!

- and yes HAGSHAHA i found it hilarious to write in that rosalie and arlecchino would have a calm meeting while lyney and mc are a mess and a half. i think it shows that they both have a long way to go before they reach the same level as the other two:)))

- THE PARALLEL!!!! YUUPPPPPPP i wanted to reference it in the next chapter too in case people didnt realize it but im glad u caught it BAHAHAA

- i guess we will find out if aether truly will be a dead man next chapter…. Didnt even get the chance to reunite with his sister ohhh poor boy. this is why u dont blackmail someone! learn from aether, everyone

- ALSOHELLO??? fanfics of my fanfics? oh. PLEASE. hello. YES! i would absolutely love to see how people interpret my series and the characters within them:( that would be such a joy!!!!!! but i also just want to see how people think of thawed!lyney HAHAHHA