#i wonder what the orderlies are thinking while they watch this happen lol

[rocktheholygrail]

Hannibal 3x13 - “The Wrath of the Lamb”

[maxrev]

Feels prompt for Knox (or a Shepard of your choice if he's not feeling talky): “ you’re not a machine or— or some thing. you’re a person, and i’m sorry anyone ever made you feel otherwise."

Welp, guess Knox felt like talking lol. Here ya go! From this list of prompts      

BIG shout out to @nightmarestudio606 for helping me with the kiss...I haven’t written one in sooo looong lol

            ________________________________________________

What the hell was he doing? He never ran. From anything. Hadn’t since he was four fucking years old. And now, at thirty one, he held many titles: Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy, etc, etc. He’d taken down husks, brutes...hell, even a reaper without a second thought. 

So, why did this particular man have him running for cover, hiding in his own damn cabin no less? Fuck this. 

And yet, he remained where he was, a few steps just inside his cabin door, looking all around but not seeing a thing. The fish tank burbled quietly beside him, fish merrily swimming around; model ships he’d carefully crafted on display in the glass case; a softly squeaking wheel from the hampster - who still wasn’t named - running in circles. All of it a part of his carefully crafted world, even if the fish and hampster had been gifts he’d never have bought on his own. Pets required time and attention he had none to give. 

His world was orderly, meticulously thought out to every minute detail, any possible contingency planned for. Except one apparently. 

Major Kaidan Alenko. Putain de merde.

If was wearing his hardsuit, his vital signs would show his heart rate was up along with his stress levels. As if mocking him, the fish continued to swim, serene and unhurried from one end of the tank and back, not a care in the world. 

“Commander, Major Alenko wishes to speak with you. Would you like me to let him in?” EDI’s voice carried over the speakers above him. 

His cabin. His only sanctuary, such as it was. As the commander, he was available at all times, yet no one ever bothered him here, preferring to stay well away. It seemed there was nowhere left to run. Cornered like a wounded animal and he damn sure felt like one, too. Ready to lash out. Cool heads prevailed, not that he’d ever been accused of having one. The memories of Horizon and Mars mocked him. 

The major was a brilliant soldier and he needed him on the Normandy. He ran a hand over his shorn head in agitation. Okay, okay. I need him on the Normandy. Admitting it turned out to be not as hard as he’d imagined. 

“Commander?”  EDI prodded. 

“Give me five minutes.”  Let the major wait outside, stew a bit in his own thoughts. 

Glancing around the cabin, Knox wondered why he was so damn nervous. Nothing was out of place, all his things meticulously maintained and where they belonged. The only mess to be found were the piles of datapads scattered over the desk. He was having a hard time keeping on top of them. The barrage of information was constant, barely able to read one before another was thrust into his hands. 

Enough. No more stalling. Leaning casually against the ledge along the fish tank, he crossed his arms and ankles. He could give the impression of being relaxed, even if he didn’t feel it. 

“Let him in, EDI.” 

The door slid open. The world narrowed to just one man and his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath and pushed away a sudden unknown emotion he felt as his eyes landed on Alenko standing on the other side. He waited for the major to make the first move having invaded his refuge.

Stepping inside, the major nodded at Knox, “Commander.” 

So formal. It should put Knox at ease but instead it irritated him. Irrationally so. Wanting to shake the ground beneath Alenko’s feet, he said, “Call me Knox.” 

Thick dark eyebrows rose up in response, surprised. Good. Knox felt more at ease with the knowledge.

“Okay...Knox,” Kaidan drew out the one syllable as if trying out the feel of it. “Then I ask that you call me Kaidan.” 

Knox simply continued to stare at him, not responding. The silence stretched out and his impatience began to grown. He did not like to be kept waiting. 

“Was there something you needed?” His words came out harsher than intended but if it prompted a response, so be it. 

Brown eyes, wariness in their depths, looked away, the tips of Kaidan’s ears becoming pink. Interesting. He rubbed the back of his neck, a tell Knox had seen often when he was unsure about something or embarrassed. Which was it this time? 

“I…” he took a deep breath, then turned an looked Knox right in the eyes, “I wanted to apologize for my distrust back on Mars, for questioning your loyalties. I realize now you’re the commander I’ve known since Eden Prime and I’m happy to fight by your side...sir.” 

Straightening up, Knox strode over slowly, coming to a stop before him, crowding his space. The air around them was charged with electricity. He spoke quietly, calmly, but with steel in his voice, “Only now?”

Kaidan didn’t look away this time. The intensity in his gaze made Knox’s blood heat. There was more going on here than what one could see on the surface. 

“What is it exactly you want from me?” 

Merde! What a loaded question he was asking. Deciding he needed a drink, Knox turned towards his desk where he kept a bottle of whiskey. He splashed some of the amber liquid into a glass, uncaring when it slosed over the side. Maybe the burn as it went down would put him back on solid ground. The ground he’d tried to shake beneath Kaidan’s feet had backfired. This was new territory for him. 

He tossed the whiskey back, turning to hold up his empty glass, "Drink?"   

Kaidan hesitated for a few seconds, then nodded. Knox poured another for himself, then handed the other glass over. The major sipped sparingly, eyes widening a fraction in surprise. 

Knox shrugged, "I liked the whiskey you added to the bar. Bought some for myself."

An inadvertent admission. He wandered over to watch the fish, lest Kaidan read more into it. Silence followed his words and he turned to find the major browsing the datapads. Knox bristled at the invasion of his privacy, ready to let fly with harsh words and criticism but his inner voice caught up to him and told him to stop. 

There was nothing more than intel about the war and the crucible and maybe Kaidan would be able to provide some insight, see things from a different angle...as he usually did.

Instead, Knox kept quiet and observed him, refusing to admit to himself he was actually committing to memory every nuance of the man across the room. Suddenly, Kaidan’s body tensed up, fingers coming to rest on one specific datapad. Having so many open, Knox couldn’t remember what intel was in each one and now he was curious at the reason for the strange response. 

"Find something?" 

Kaidan’s hand snapped to his side as if caught in a trap. Placing the unfinished drink on the desk, he turned to leave with an excuse at the ready, "I should go get acquainted with the crew." 

Knox moved quickly, stepping in front of him, so close he could see the variations of color in the expressive brown eyes. His own eyes traveled at leisure over Kaidan’s face; new scars blending with old ones, a few more wrinkles and gray hairs from the passage of time and the stress they were under...a tinge of pink on his cheeks. 

Their eyes locked. For the first time ever, Knox found himself lost. Unable to process the feeling, he did what came natural. He charged ahead. 

The world around them ceased to exist, narrowing down to just the two of them, Kaidan’s breath hitching for a fraction of second before relaxing into the kiss, opening eagerly as Knox slid his tongue inside. Pressing up against him, their feet  tangled and they stumbled across the room, Kaidan’s back stopping them up against the fish tank. Knox planted his palms to each side while Kaidan grasped at his clothing. 

They sank into the kiss, neither willing to be the first to let it end. But end it did, Knox pulling away first. What the fuck was he thinking, kissing a member of his crew? There wasn’t time for personal relationships, death on the horizon or not. Things like this just got messy and caused more problems than he needed right now. Either of them needed. 

He walked back to the desk, leaving Kaidan where he was. How he felt about what happened was of no concern to him. Leaning into his arms, hands pushing the datapads aside, one blinked to life. The one Kaidan had been looking at. On the screen was the Cerberus husk they’d found on Mars where Kaidan had questioned if the terrorist organization had done the same to him. 

Behind him, the door slid open and he heard footsteps as Kaidan left his cabin. 

His voice, raspy and deep with the remnants of their kiss lingering still, floated back to him, “You’re not a machine or— or some thing. You’re a person, Knox, and i’m sorry anyone ever made you feel otherwise, including me." 

[ragingbookdragon]

You Can Take Off All My Clothes And Never See Me Naked Final Part

A Haytham Kenway x Reader Story

Word Count: 2,100 (Technically 21K if you count all of it on AO3) Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst

Author’s Note: Well friends, we have reached the caboose of this train. I hope you’ve enjoyed this story despite how dark it was. This was the first time writing this character. As usual, this’ll probably get a epilogue, so don’t get your undies in a twist about the ending lol. Enjoy! -Thorne

***Set One Year After Part Eight***

           The execution occurred at dawn. There were no priests to bless last rites nor redcoats to see that it was an orderly punishment. It was merely her, the Grandmaster, and the Assassin-Hunter. It was a personal execution; one she would see the end of. One year of nonstop searching and rescuing. They’d freed some thirty girls and women across four countries. She was present for each and every one. She owed them that much.

           She watched with a frigid gaze as they’d secured him to the giant oak stake, then poured the oil all around, making sure to douse his body with it as well. They returned to her side and the Grandmaster lit the torch, handing it to her. With slow steps she walked to the edge of the pyre and gazed at up him. He stared back with a dead gaze—an entire year in a cold, harsh cell had finally deprived him of himself. It was little compared to what they suffered.

           “Come to offer divine justice?” his voice was low and scratchy, like he’d not tasted water for days—not that she cared.

           Raising the torch, she replied darkly, “If there was such a thing as divine justice, you’d be long gone already.” She lit the oil around him and met his eyes. “I hope you burn in hell forever, Ausilio Viviani.”

           Taking a few steps back, she watched as he went up in flames, the fire dancing in her eyes, casting shadows across her face. His howls of anguish echoed across the hills, but it sounded like the sweetest music in her ears.

           She stayed until his skeleton fell to ash at the bottom of the pyre then turned on her heel and walked past them. “It’s done. I’m leaving.” Neither of them chased her, though the one felt his heart reach for her.

***Later That Evening***

           Haytham rubbed his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time, hoping that it would clear the strain so he could keep writing, but it did little to soothe it. Figuring it was time to call it quits, he lightly clicked the quill to the ink and set the pen in its holder. Closing the ink, he drew his eyes to the door, feeling someone in his presence. “Come in.” He’d said it just as they knocked, and he heard a huff.

           The door opened and Shay walked in, closing it behind him. “I hate it when you do that.” He collapsed into the chair in front of Haytham’s desk. “Makes me think you have some sixth sense.”

           “Maybe I do?” Haytham quipped, grinning when Shay grimaced; he sighed and reclined in his seat, crossing a leg over the other. “To what do I owe this visit, Shay?”

           The Assassin-Hunter frowned and slouched in the chair. “Haven’t seen (Y/N) in a while. Gettin’ worried about her.”

           Though Haytham felt the same, he didn’t voice it, instead offering, “I can’t imagine she’s too keen on being around anyone right now.”

           “I know that,” Shay countered. “But she’s not at the tavern and I’m not sure where else she’d go. Me and Gist have looked everywhere.” He met the Grandmaster’s eyes. “I figured you’d be with her.”

           “Me?” Haytham inquired, eyebrows raising. “Why me?”

           Shay rolled his eyes. “Really? This is how we’re gonna do this? You too?”

           “I don’t know what you—”

           “You’re in love with her, Haytham.” He grinned at the pure shock crossing the other’s face. “Seriously, I wish I had portraits of your faces. It’s pure contentment for me.” Shay groaned as he rose from the chair and stretched his arms above his head. He lowered his arms and looked at Haytham. “She loves you too, you know? But we both know she won’t say anything.”

           “She loves me?” was all the other could manage and Shay sighed.

           “You know that thing inside your skull helps with the thinking process, right? Using it is strategically beneficial.”

           Haytham glared as he rose from his seat, pulling on his jacket and cloak. “That’s the one time you’re allowed to insult me and get by free.” He placed the tricorn on his head. “Get out of my office, Shay.”

           Shay sent him a salute. “Aye, sir.”

***

           He ran all over the streets of New York after he left the tavern. Apparently, the last time Anita had seen her was that morning when she came to collect her things. People gave him odd looks and he didn’t blame them. Someone even commented on how he must’ve missed an anniversary. That one almost made him punch them. He sped down another alley and came out the other side, eyes darting up and down the street before cursing. She was no where to be found. Haytham wondered if she skipped town and took his heart with her. No. He thought. I let her go, I won’t let (Y/N) go.”

           He thought back on all the times that they’d spent together, every place, every moment. His gaze shifted in the direction of the manor where’d they’d attended the ball together. It was a long shot, but he didn’t have any better options, and he spun on his heel, sprinting for the gardens.

***

           She sat on the bench, watching the stars twinkle above her. The leather bag in her hands felt heavy, and as it should be, it held all she owned. Something ached in her heart, but she avoided thinking about it—avoided thinking about him.

           Figuring it was finally time to leave, she stood and hauled the bag over her shoulder. A scratching behind her made her panic and she turned, pulling the gun on whoever was coming from out the bushes. They came face to face and she lowered the gun. “Haytham?”

           He grinned at her. “I’m beginning to see what Shay feels on a regular basis.”

           (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh at that and she holstered the gun. “What are you doing here?” she asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

           “I’m here to stop you from making a terrible mistake.” He said, brushing off the leaves and twigs stuff in his clothes.

           “Excuse me?” she questioned, cocking an eyebrow. “I think it’s bold of you to assume I make mistakes.”

           “Is it though?” he countered, smirking as she glared.

           “Alright, you can stop being an ass.” (Y/N) scratched at the leather bag handle. “Seriously, what are you doing here Haytham. How’d you even know I was here?”

           He stood straight with that arrogant stance that made her patience run thin. Haytham walked past her and looked up at he sky. “I figured you’d come back to a place that has significance to you.”

           “Oh? And what significance is this place?”

           He turned, meeting her gaze. “It’s where we both started feeling for one another.”

           “Your arrogance is astounding.” (Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest. “Really, you’re so arrogant you make Odysseus look humble.” She stuck her tongue out at him when he rolled his eyes, then looked off at one of the rose bushes. “Besides, how do you know I have feelings for you?”

           “Are you asking because you do?” Her silence made him chuckle. “Shay told me.”

           Indignation flared across her face and she hissed, “I knew it! I knew that stupid shit spilled!” She spun on her heel, intent to march to Fort Arsenal and kick Shay’s ass. “I’m gonna plant my foot up his backside.” As she passed Haytham, his arm shot out and he stopped her.

           “Wait.”

           (Y/N) did, albeit with a glare. “Do you wanna do this dance, Haytham?”

           He leaned close, getting nose to nose with her. “If it means you’ll be my dance partner forever, then yes.” Her eyes went wide, and he professed, “I won’t let you leave. Not now. Not when so much has happened between us.”

           “My departure isn’t your decision to make.” She retorted, and Haytham could feel her bicep flexing under his grip.

           He nodded. “I know.” His free hand cupped her cheek. “But I let love slip through my fingers once before.” Haytham pressed his forehead to hers. “I won’t allow it to happen again.”

           (Y/N) stared into his eyes, trying to formulate a response. Say something. She thought. Anything! “Are you sure you want me?” Not that!

           He pulled away and laid his head on her shoulder, and she felt him shake against her. “Oh my god, are you laughing at me?!”

           “Just a bit.” He said.

           She shoved him away and stalked over to the bench. “Oh, you’re such an ass!” He followed, taking a seat beside her, grinning while she silently fumed.

           They sat in silence for a while and sometime during that, their hands had come together, fingers lacing between the others. (Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder, and this close, she could smell the twinge of peppermint and cedar. She looked down at their hands, examining all the small scars they had.

           “My mother got sick one day…and she never got better. She died when I was nine years old.” She felt his head tilt, telling her that he was listening. “I lived on the streets for a year until Ausilio found me.” His hand tightened on hers. “I felt so safe that first year. I thought everything would be okay but…I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

           “You said you were afraid he’d find you again.” He murmured quietly, like she was a doe and easily spooked.

           “I was.” She nodded. “I’ve never stayed in one place more than two years.” Her eyes drifted to the leather bag. “I figured since I was well past two, I might as well leave.” Again, his hand tightened. “But now…I don’t know if leaving is the best thing.”

           “It’s not.” He said.

           “So sure?” (Y/N) teased.

           “As sure as I’ve ever been of anything.”

           “Can’t be much.”

           “Shay’s right, you are mean.”

           (Y/N) barked a laugh. “Oh, and you’re not?”

           Haytham raised her hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Never said I wasn’t.” He turned his head and gazed at her. “Stay here with me,” he breathed.

           “I’m not exactly a team player, Haytham.” She countered.

           “I’ll be one for you.”

           “I curse a lot.”

           “Every couple needs a foul speaker.”

           “I’m not a gentry member.”

           “My name is big enough to cover you.”

           “I get in fights a lot.”

           “I can patch you up.”

           She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m running out of things to scare you off with.”

           He grinned. “I can tell.” He reached up and poked her nose. “I’m not going to be scared off that easily.”

           (Y/N) didn’t speak for a moment, then she whispered, “I’ve got a lot of scars. On my body…and my soul.”

           Haytham searched her eyes then cupped her cheek. “I do too.” He ran his thumb under her eye, wiping a tear away. “And I’ll help heal every one if you’ll let me.”

           Tears threatened to spill over her eyes. “You want a broken woman like me, Haytham?”

           He shook his head. “The woman before me isn’t broken.” He brushed another tear away, but they kept falling. “The woman before me has rebuilt her castle from ruins.” He pulled away and knelt before her, taking her hands in his. “She is unbreakable. She is unshatterable. She is power incarnate, and she holds the world within her hands.” Haytham took a deep breath and bared his soul. “And she holds all that I will ever be in those hands. I would do anything for her.”

           (Y/N) let out a breath that sounded more like a garbled sob and she shifted one of her hands, bringing it up to hold against her mouth.

           Haytham smiled heartfully. “I love you, (Y/N) (L/N).”

           She let out a watery laugh, not able to fight the wobbly smile across her face. “You are…one sappy fuck.” (Y/N) pressed her hand to his cheek and he reached up, holding it against his skin. “I love you, Haytham.”

He huffed a laugh, feeling tears gather in his eyes. “Yeah?”

           She nodded and whispered, “Ask me again to stay.”

           Haytham swallowed thickly. “(Y/N), will you stay here, with me? For as long as time will give us?”

           (Y/N) nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes.” She pulled him from his knees, pressing her lips to his. “I’ll stay with you.”

           They broke apart and pressed their foreheads together, tears trailing down both their cheeks. She’d found her freedom. She’d found her hope in helping others. But the one thing she never thought she’d find, she did—love.

[galadrieljones]

Some Biblical Symbolism in TWD 10c (Team Delusional)

Okay so I am VERY behind on the times, due to a ton of family engagements lately; however, now I’m trying to catch up and in doing so, I’m just going to make posts looking at all my recent, random notes from 10c and beyond.

This post starts by looking at the symbolism in the Bible verse that’s referenced in 10.19 “One More.”  This one verse in particular lead me down a lot of other Biblical rabbit holes, and I’ll try to talk about how they pertain to existing Team Delusional arguments, plus some other stuff!!

David and King Saul

The Bible verse I took down in my notes for the episode is 1 Samuel 16, specifically 16:21. This chapter is about God sending Samuel to anoint a new King of Israel after Saul basically pisses him off. Samuel chooses David, a young shepherd and son of Jesse, who is also a wonderful musician. He plays the lyre.

I remember reading about David when I was looking into Daryl/Biblical imagery. Initially I took Daryl’s fight w Beta in season 10 up in that tower to be a David vs. Goliath fight, but after reading more deeply into it, I scrapped the comparison. I read more into David and was actually more taken with him as relatable to Beth. More on that and how this impacts TD in a minute.

In 1 Samuel, King Saul of the Israelites is being tormented by demons (sent by god ofc) and sends his servant to bring him a musician to soothe his brain. The servant suggests David who comes to play the lyre for him and befriends his son. Anyway, consumed with fear that David is going to oust him, Saul tries to kill David, so David goes on the run, as a fugitive, basically until Saul and his son are killed, and then David returns and takes his place as King of the Israelites.

Anytime Gabriel is in the scene, there’s Biblical shit. So I was on top of "One More.” I didn’t really know what to make of the story with Saul and David and why it’s featured in this episode, so I talked to my husband who doesn’t watch the show (which is good because he’s coming at my questions unbiased) but he knows the Old Testament super well. I asked him whether Saul was supposed to be a “villain,” or merely a tortured king. My husband said Saul is not a villain, but a king who is meant to symbolize the unique plight of kings and leaders often characterized as the Sword of Damocles, ie: the sword always hanging over their head, and how the constant threat of death and/or usurpation can push them to great fear, madness, paranoia, and hasty decisions.

As the de facto leader of Alexandria, Gabriel is now in the same exact unique bind for which he sold out Rick to Deanna in season 5. He is potentially becoming a Saul figure, with the pressures of leadership causing him to turn away from his faith. This is a MAJOR shift in character dynamics for the show, as well as a big reference to Season 5 (an important season for TD, obviously). Season 5 Rick is also a very good Saul, as we see him falling to madness, hubris, and fear, and on the clear path to losing his people and his throne. I think we’re witnessing Gabriel now in a similar scenario in which his actions have finally begun to bear the weight of his responsibilities as a leader. He kills Mays because Mays is a killer and unhinged. It’s why Rick wants to and eventually does kill Pete in season 5. Gabriel killing Mays startles Aaron, and it isn’t pretty, but to him, it’s the right thing to do, even as it belies his cloth and belies his faith to do so. 

With his eyes, one light/one dark, as well as his priesthood, Gabriel is a perfect canvas for this sort of Saul struggle, especially now, as Michonne is gone, and Siddiq is dead, and he is not only the leader of Alexandria but now a father to a child, and this only further complicates his motivations. I also think this whole thing, ie: Gabriel as Saul might be another purposeful recycling of seasons 5, which 10c has been doing a lot. As has already been pointed out by @twdmusicboxmystery​, “One More” also rehashes a lot of themes and scenarios from “Still.” The entirety of 10c is consumed with cycles.

Saul and David through the Team Delusional Lens

ON THAT NOTE: Beth is an interesting David figure, since David’s main role before he becomes king is as a musician. You probably remember mention of David in the Leonard Cohen song “Hallelujah,” which references both David’s music as well as his later affair with Bathsheba. David’s music soothes the king, and we could say the same thing about Beth in seasons 3 and 4. Further, Dawn in season 5 is another Saul figure who has lost control of her kingdom due to weakness, fear, and selfishness. Beth, like David, is taken into her service (where she DOES sing, and where she calmly professes, “I still sing���), befriends another of Dawn’s young orderlies (such as David befriending Saul’s son), and then when she becomes a threat, Dawn *attempts* to kill her. Ofc in the Bible David just goes on the lam until Saul is killed by the Philistines, and then David becomes king of the Israelites. In TWD, Beth “dies.”

So by this allusion, if applied in template fashion, after Dawn (Saul) is killed, Beth (David) would return to Grady and become its new leader, something I think TD has discussed before.

Other Biblical Allusions and Curiosities:

Jesse and Samuel: Characters from 5b-6a. Samuel of the Bible is a child prophet, and Samuel of TWD is a “sensitive” child who, in the opening of 6.8, is surrounded by a lot of prophetic imagery, including a drawing of a blond person tied to a tree while surrounded by walkers, a toy firetruck, as well as the ants, breaching the window and swarming a cookie, which predicts or mirrors the walkers breaching the wall. This scene is full of TD imagery, which I’m sure other theorists have already rehashed, ie: the tree trunk, the number 8, even a cyclops (one-eyed) action figure on the dresser. Jesse is Samuel’s mother in 5b, and until I read more into Samuel, I didn’t realize that Jesse was a Bible character as well, and that he was David’s father, while Samuel is the prophet who anoints David as king. These are mostly minor characters, but as is a lot of stuff in season 5, they pack a lot of symbolic punch.This is also just me pointing to the fact that TWD has used more direct symbolism involving Samuel and David before, as well as indirect symbolism, and just general allusion. Samuel is also connected to key imagery that appears again and again.

^ (This is not the first blond we’ve seen tied to a tree in TWD.)

Gabriel the Archangel: Gabriel the archangel is a very interesting character in the Bible, as he is seen as not only a fierce defender of the Israelites, but per Christian tradition, he is also the angel who visits the Virgin Mary and foretells the birth of Jesus Christ. I know that TD has discussed Father Gabriel as a Beth “proxy” or as symbolically juxtaposed with Beth, often referencing him as a Sirius symbol, post-partial-blindness, echoing the one-eyed dog from “Still.” The Biblical imagery is consistent with this argument, especially when combined with argument that Beth is a Christ figure to be resurrected, ie: Gabriel is here to “herald” Beth’s return. Ofc, this could be applied to Rick as a Christ figure as well (who sacrifices himself to save his people); however, we know that Rick is not dead, which is inconsistent with the crucifixion, ie: Jesus literally “died” (or was perceived to have died) and came back to life. Further, in Christian tradition as well as in John Milton’s Paradise Lost, Gabriel is credited as the angel blowing the trumpet that signals the return of Christ to the living (Gabriel’s horn). What I’m saying is, Gabriel is a herald. He heralds both the birth of and the return of Christ to the land of the living. It again does not feel like coincidence that Gabriel is introduced during season 4, at the very beginning of Beth’s arc.

Dark vs. Light: Does anyone else find it extremely fishy that Gabriel, Beth, and Daryl are all shown with prominent costume/features that juxtapose dark/light? What I mean is: Gabriel’s eyes, Daryl’s ankle coverings, and Beth’s shoelaces at Grady--all feature one dark, one light. Tbh I am not sure how this is even a Biblical thing (other than the overt good vs. evil connotations), but it just strikes me as further credence for how these characters must be connected. Gabriel as a reference to the one-eyed dog is more evidence tying them all together, further, the light/left dark/right arrangement is the same on Beth and Gabriel, whereas it is reversed on Daryl. I have always found the choice for Beth’s shoelaces to be strange, obviously correlated to Daryl’s ankle coverings, but I’m not sure why. I do know that this kind of visual imagery is not happening by mistake, though I don’t have a good hypothesis for what this means beyond the connection itself. Or, not yet at least. Give me time lol.

Anyway, I think this is all I have for now! If anyone has any thoughts or additions, please let me know. ^_^

[flutter2deceive]

Inspired by @everybodyknows-everybodydies recent ER dream posts, I figured I'd share some of my ER dreams from the past year. I text myself whatever i remember after waking up from interesting dreams so that's the grammatically incorrect format they're in lol

buffy out on the streets moving vans with her strength, timothy olyphant is a vampire and he and his vamp buddies need romano to inject blood back into his circulatory system so he can go out in daylight again, they're taunting him like "come on didn't buffy train with you for a week to be a surgeon before giving up?", idk

The coolest stop motion video ever of this ER drawing turned into a storyline, mark leaves i guess jennifer and is running down the hallway to someone and i'm curious to see if it will be susan or elizabeth, it's elizabeth but then the pov switches to susan and she continues running down the hall to the trauma coming in and she high-fives abby and it's like the main point of contact for all the friendly characters when they do something cool is to high-five, watching this whole thing run thru and have the absolute biggest look of gleeful wonder on my face, i say some very nice words and hope they make it to whoever the author/vid marker are

In a steam engine room like that titanic ep of newsradio, there were also demons, so hell??, then there was a thing about carter being gay and in love with his best friend but then he called me lisa (which is my name) but i took that to mean that it was actually dave and it was a whole thing about maura tierney's fake ex-boyfriends?, and carter was out in my parents' front yard confessing his love but he accidentally stepped in the path of a chainsaw and the top of his toe got chopped off so then he was in a wheelchair

Kerry and elizabeth talking about sandy and mark and how they dread talking to henry and ella about them without breaking down, but it's also like they're still there, and then it's kerry and mark having the same convo but it's mark talking about his dad, they're in the hospital bathroom, a scene where sandy is temping in a library at the hospital and arizona robbins also working there and the implication is that they used to date, arizona comes up to sandy's table and notices that she seems to be doing wedding planning meanwhile kerry is sitting by herself at another table, arizona is judgy about what appears to be sandy chasing a girl who's in the closet and ashamed, sandy explains that kerry doesn't know and it's a surprise which is why she has the flashmob people standing 2 deep around kerry's table so she doesn't see the minister bringing the shrubbery in (this never happens in the dream but also what?? lol), then kerry has a successful hip replacement surgery that luka performed and mark is telling everyone about it, susan and abby were just starting to feel out a relationship and were making out in the bathroom

The er hospital but housed in an amalgam of my workplace and childhood church, i guess i'm like an orderly?, corday is pregnant and examining a patient and she's like ready-to-pop pregnant but she's still insistent that she's good to work until she's 8cm dilated and she's only 6 right now, we're all like dude go up to ob now, she's doing like yoga stretches on the floor to alleviate pain but still insists she's fine, meanwhile her patient is like ???, her water breaks and romano is gonna take her up to surgery, there's a space issue at the elevators and only he can fit, me and the other orderly say we'll take her up on the gurney in the other bank of elevators, we go flying down the hall and yelling for people to move cuz mrs corday's-- "sorry, dr. corday's"-- water broke, we get stopped by a security guard who won't let us through and then stopped again cuz there's construction in the warehouse, somehow romano manages to get lizzie but me and the other orderly are locked out, go to a bar downstairs to wait and nick kroll is there and he alerts everyone at the bar to the fact that he found several fan art/fic hits for "nick kroll/luka kovac" on the company's subreddit, he seems oddly intrigued, how weird of a pairing

In the future, there are no doctors because they're all burnt out from covid so healthcare in the future is just holograms of scenes from er but they're not the medical scenes they're the relationship drama stuff, alex kingston is named ceo of brain things due to her time on both er and doctor who, an interviewer asks what her favorite katy perry song is and romano answers for her, then maura tierney kicks everyone's ass at a banquet

The specifics elude me but somehow abby made it so that neela's memories of gallant's death are erased, and he's not exactly alive but also not dead, maybe she went back in time and changed something or had magic?, but neela is now texting with michael who is actually abby with his phone pretending to be him, abby is feeling really guilty for playing around with life and death and neela's feelings when she didn't have a gameplan, she ends up telling weaver she did something extremely morally questionable, now the two of them have to think thru how to handle the situation, neela is concerned now cuz michael texted that he'd talk with her at 23:00 but he hasn't called yet, then there's this really annoying intern that's pissing all the docs off, weaver starts to say something and ppl think she's gonna tell this woman off but she's like "this is an intern that's working here? She should be the hospital's lawyer", and then abby and susan smirk at each other and put on a tie? Idk but i think it's a different reality than the gallant-still-alive one

On a road trip or something and get back to abby's apartment, i may be susan but also possibly just me, we get the luggage from the car and while abby is trying to find her keys to unlock the door, we hear a noise from down the alley, the blonde woman that luka had been flirting with is near the luggage and is drunk or high, we wrestle with our conscience on whether to help her, she ends up asking to crash on the couch, abby and i get her inside and on the couch, we then end up sharing the bed and giggling

Caring for romano while he was in the hospital, mei lin from top chef is a med student and robert keeps insulting her, i think i might be corday, order a butterfinger and bottle of water from the hospital convenience store, go back to robert's room, he's muttering about the salad they brought him, i ask if he wants me to tell the nurse that he wants them to leave the salad for when he wakes from his nap, he squints up at me and smiles, says that his coping mechanism for stress is egg salad, idk

Living an ep of ER, i am susan, walking to my car alongside elizabeth, we're kinda tensely discussing when the kids will be at each of our houses for the holidays, i say let's just fuck it and join our celebrations, it's like a thing as if mark actually used to be married to susan and had a kid, don't know if it was supposed to be little suzie or rachel, elizabeth smiles unexpectedly and my heart kicks up, get in our cars and drive off, i am fumbling with a cigarette and the lighter from the car, drop them both as i'm driving down the hill out of the hospital parking lot, but now i am abby and have the season 9 hair, keep talking about this guy coworker i'm secretly seeing but it's actually susan and i'm trying to throw people off the scent, and there's something also about trixie and katya in this part of the dream but i don't remember specifically what, maybe guest star patients?

[lgchunji]

   MERRY CHRISTMAS, LGC MEMBERS!

     merry christmas, lgc members! oops! this time you didn’t just send something to they mods, they also wanted to send something to YOU!! every single mod, below the cut, has something wonderful for you all to hear! (no, this is not the christmas present side event lol)      our mods deserve all the love in the world, but the members all deserve a little extra love too!      happy holidays and everyone have a good new years!

     admin l, writer of @lgcxjun, @lgcmiso, and @lgcnami says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      making the members happy. when we put out a new event or implement something new in the rp and members are super excited about it, that's what i like the most.      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?      hmm.. i think it's when we officially opened the rp for reservations and they came flooding. we weren't expecting this. we thought it would take weeks before we get enough reservations to open and were pleasantly surprised when in 48h we had the 10 minimum. we never expected to have over 50 members, either. so this whole experience has been amazing for us      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!)      seeing the characters grow right before our eyes, that's the part i love the most. seeing the progression of each and everyone of you all always make us happy. the admods are your biggest supports, i swear to god. i also love how our members aren't scared of giving ideas and participate in the growth and events of the rp! we always love incorporating our mun's ideas      4) anything else you would like to mention?      thank you for being here with us <3

     admin *, writer of @lgcdanbi​, @lgcnathan​, and @lgctaesung​ says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      oh gosh… i can’t pick just one! honestly, it’s just being able to plan and create stuff for our members with such a fun and dedicated team like the one we have here! we have so much in store for everyone, and we just hope y’all are as excited as we are for the big things to come!      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?: for me specifically, it had to be my *first* trimester change as the head of graphics. i literally SLAVED lmfao over our Q4 2020 graphics, and it was so nice to see how much everyone enjoyed the roleplay’s makeover. plus, now that we’re getting closer and closer to Q1 2021, i’m both excited yet SUPER nervous about the aesthetics i want to put out for lgc in the new year!      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!): character-wise, i can tell everyone is genuinely invested in their muses’ development and careers here. even though idol krps aren’t anything new, it’s such a breath of fresh air to be a part of a group where people want to see success with their muses from the very start to finish. mun-wise, it’s gotta be activity check sunday’s! seeing people’s live reactions to the queue is DEFINITELY the highlight of my week.      4) anything else you would like to mention?: we’re a small team here (but i swear it feels so much bigger!), and we dedicate a lot of our time in running lgc behind the scenes than in writing for our own characters. it can be a bit of a bummer and can definitely take a lot of muse and motivation out of you, but we’re always so appreciative of how considerate and thoughtful our members are of us. we’re not perfect—no one is!—but despite our flaws, it’s so inspiring to see a place (a home?) like lgc last for over a year and still be going on strong. and we can only thank you guys for all of that! so! thank you!

     admin g, writer of @lgchanbyul, @lgcjaesun, and @lgcyumi says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      i have a strange love for lists and stats, and so i actually really enjoy the administration part of being an admin. honestly, i would be the type of person to start a roleplay just to do the logistics lol. i enjoy helping to keep things neat and orderly, though admin a. has been doing a really great job of making my processes even better. my strong suits are not events or graphics, so i leave those tasks to the rest of the team. i think because of that, we make a really great team, and i just enjoy getting to see the fruits of our labor week after week and seeing people excited over them as well!      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?      there are many memorable moments, of course, and this might sound silly … but probably when we received our first application that was not from one of our og staff members. frankly, when we started this group, we were fairly certain no one would want to join, especially with so many other great roleplays around, so to have watched it grow over these last 16 months has been pretty incredible!      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!)      i wish i could give a special shoutout to each person, but that will quite literally take me a year so i apologize that i’m taking the easy road out. i think the best part about our members is just their willingness to help, whether it be helping others understand the points process, what is needed for an event, or just any of the other logistics that might lead to confusion. it puts a smile on my face to see that teamwork and selflessness exhibited by so many of you. when we mention that we’re stressed, there is never a shortage of eager hands being raised to offer help, and we always appreciate that. i think it’s not easy being a big group, and it can be easy to feel left out, so i just continue to applaud those who really help to make people feel at home!      4) anything else you would like to mention?      2020 has certainly been a wild roller coaster ride, but it’s certainly been made better by getting to write and interact with all of our members. i hope that those i haven’t had a chance to write with yet that i will get to do so soon! thank you all for your continued support and i hope everyone has a happy holidays and a happy new year! may 2021 be a better year for all of us!      thank you also to leaf for organizing this! you’re truly a trooper for putting together this special treat for our members ( and months ago for doing it for the admin staff as well )! always appreciate your thoughtfulness in spending the time to think of others. ❤️

     admin a, writer of @lgcaeri, @lgceunhye, and @lgcsanghyun says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      my favorite part is seeing people’s reactions to everything we do in lgc and using some of those elements to help build their character or celebrate their accomplishments. a good example of this are the events that have been revealed in the past and reading the reactions and feedbacks encourages us to think more about what kind of events we can make or improve on!      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?      i’ve only been here for a short period so i can’t quite name a lot, but the one that i can think of on top of my head is during the end of the trimester. it’s usually the busiest time for us for several reasons, but it feels the most rewarding to me personally because behind the scenes, we really try to make sure that everything goes smoothly. add that everyone is so patient during those times and we really appreciate it! i personally want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for all of the positive messages and support you have sent to us! it really means a lot to us! ❤️      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!)      i mentioned this previously in the one year anniversary post, but i would say it’s the community that has been created and developed over time. it’s gone through a lot and the fact that we’re still active now still shocks me sometimes! aside from that, i would also say reading through the solos and posts that we see on the dash (and yes, we see what is going on 👀). while there is so much that i don’t know about everyone’s muses, sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and see what everyone has been up to lately.

     admin c, writer of @lgcxking​ and @lgcjin​ says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      for me it’s seeing members get excited about events that we put out, and creating new canons based off them. i don’t think i would be able to keep being an admin if i didn’t feel this sense of wonder and excitement coming from everyone!      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?      i’ve probably mentioned it way too often by now, but when we created lgc we expected it to die off after a couple weeks/months. we never expected to last so long and it wasn’t easy in the beginning, but after a while, i’d say around october/november, we started welcoming a lot of new muns that have become such an integral part of the rp. the fact that we’d have enough members to form a lot more than one group for each gender is amazing in itself. and the 2020 family concert really had me realize just how far we’ve come! to see all of those muns and muses experiencing it for the first time even though they’ve been in the rp for so long and achieved so much.      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!)      i don’t want to name anyone in particular because i’d want to talk about everyone and that’s impossible, but like i mentioned above, it amazes me whenever i see everything that the muses have achieved in a year. i think i realize now just how many events we put out LMAO. some muses are fairly new but are already on future dreams or lgc girls japan, others have begun acting, producing, hosting, etc. i always love to see the very detailed plan everyone has for their characters and even though it might take a while to happen ic, it’s important to set goals! some that might not even happen in a near lgc future, but it gives such life to muses. i also love seeing friendships form, relationships grow, suddenly being on dash and realizing that a muse FINALLY confessed to another, or sometimes just discovering important information through someone else because we can’t possibly read every single thread on dash (i’d love to, though, trust me). there’s a ton of people i haven’t interacted with yet on my muses, and i would sooo love to do it but with the amount of work that goes behind the scenes… let’s just say though that we love every single muse and i’m probably a bigger fan of them than you are!!!!!      4) anything else you would like to mention?      small mention to you, leaf, for doing this! thank you for the love and care you put into these types of projects it’s very cute ;; we really liked getting messages from members last time too. also, to anyone reading this, just know that we’re glad you’ve decided to join us on this legacy journey!!!! why do i feel like i’m ending this too dryly but I LOVE YOU GUYS and thank you for all the support, patience, understanding and time investment <333

     admin y, writer of @lgcjaehwa says:      1) what is your favorite part about being a mod?      i'd say seeing members dropping random appreciation posts and messages would be my favorite part! there were times where i tend to overthink and become a mess. although it may just look like a simple ask, random messages like these really makes my day.      2) what is the most memorable moment from being a mod in lgc thus far?      my first 'project'! its something i planned all by myself and to receive positive feedbacks makes me feel proud of it! i'm usually pessimistic when it comes to myself so this is really a big deal for me. this project is not out yet but will definitely be revealed in the future ;)      3) what is the best part about lgc members/writers (characters or muns!)     the best part is of course the community!! i never expect myself to stick to a rp for this long. there is this saying, 'the muns keep the rp running'. without you guys, lgc will not be where we are today!      4) anything else you would like to mention?      i just want to say that although i'm not close with everyone, i do hope i can get to know more lovely people here! and i thank you guys for staying with us throughout this journey. i'm sure lgc will still continue to stand strongly for the months or even years to come <3

[edelvonhresvelg]

Aww Byleth wearing El's house leader cape around the monastery would be so adorable! Poor Edel would be confused on where it went until she saw it around Byleth's shoulders and would just start blushing on the spot lol. Post-timeskip I think it would actually be super sweet if Byleth wore it as none of the house leaders keep theirs and it would be unique. It would become a symbol of how much El trusts and loves Byleth by giving her the old cape. And a reminder of their old school days as well.

asdfghjkl oh my DAYS.

okay 1) it’s moments like this that make me really wish I could draw, and 2) I have a sneaking suspicion you put this in my inbox in full knowledge I would have no choice but to write it instead. 👀

- - - - - - - - - -

It was last thing in the day when Byleth finally stood up from the chair sheʼd dragged behind her desk in the Black Eagles classroom -- her students long gone from the lessons that had ended hours before, and many others around the monastery surely having retired for the evening.

Stretching her arms out as she walked, she suddenly stopped at the second row of desks, having to do a double take at the flash of red that caught her eye. Frowning, she stepped over to the fabric draped over one of the seats, only realising what it was as she picked it up: Edelgardʼs cape.

Byleth blinked at the cape in her hand. It was in Edelgardʼs preferred seat, for sure, but for the life of her Byleth couldn’t remember the house leader having taken it off.

A thought occurred to Byleth, and she found herself looking around. The short cape was her favourite part of Edelgardʼs uniform -- was she even allowed to have a favourite part of her studentsʼ uniforms? -- and she had wondered on more than one occasion what it’d be like to have a cape herself. A proper cape, that was; her jacket, the way she wore it, often felt how she imagined one would, but a jacket just wasn’t the same.

Before she knew what she was doing, Byleth was shrugging her jacket off, folding it up and placing it on the table. She should return the cape to Edelgard, and of course she would -- but it was late, and the house leader, along with most others, was probably in her quarters. There was no point in disturbing Edelgardʼs evening, and surely no harm would be done in holding on to it until the morning...

A few other justifications ran through her head as she fiddled with the fabric. It was a very nice shade of red -- sheʼd always admired it. Finally, she had it on and secured. A cape! It felt...good.

Twisting and turning, holding it out in every direction, Byleth admired her new -- albeit temporary -- accessory from every angle. Eventually stopping and picking up her own jacket, she took one last look around, before resuming her walk out of the classroom, a rather mischievous smile on her lips. It was only a short walk to her own quarters, anyway.

Meanwhile, Edelgard had turned her room upside down. The feeling of stress had crept up on her. Where was it? She couldnʼt remember where she had taken it off, or even why -- she never did! This is exactly why, a voice in her head scolded her.

Then, like a flash in her mind -- the classroom! It had to be. If not, she didnʼt know what she was going to do...

The house leader had taken off at a jog. The monastery was empty enough, bar the guards -- it was late, after all. How could you have gone this long without remembering?!

The condescending voice in her head was getting irritating, but then she turned a corner, and lilac eyes widened at the flash of red. The sight of someone walking away had brought her to a halt and plunged her into doubt, but the more she looked, there was no mistaking it -- that was her cape!

But then she noticed something else, even through the gloom of night -- the hair that hung down the stranger’s back, the colour unmistakable... No, it couldnʼt be...

“P– Professor?” Edelgard called out as she set off on another, slower jog to catch up with the woman.

Byleth had instantly froze, almost midstep. Wide blue eyes stared at nothing straight ahead. Soon, Edelgard rounded her and stood in front, meeting the professorʼs wide gaze with her own surprised lilac eyes. There was an unmistakable tint of pink in the house leaderʼs cheeks.

“I– Professor, I wasnʼt sure it was you, but... Well, I misplaced my cape, and...” The colour in Edelgardʼs cheeks got slightly darker -- while Byleth could only stand there, staring and unmoving -- before she raised a gloved hand and hesitantly gestured. “Is that...youʼre wearing...?”

Byleth swallowed. “Edelgard...” Well, at least her voice was working. “Yes, this is... You’d left it in the classroom. I thought it might be too late to find you this evening, so I had planned to keep it safe until morning.” It all sounded rather rehearsed -- even Byleth could admit that, even as she wished the ground would swallow her up -- despite it being the truth.

“Well, that is...kind, though it doesn’t quite explain...” Edelgard had averted her gaze, a gloved hand raised to her head. The more she looked at Byleth wearing her cape, the harder it became for her to think straight. The whole situation was so awkward, she wished she’d never taken the damn thing off -- but at the same time, there was something about it all which she rather...liked.

“Oh, well,” Byleth had tucked her own jacket under one arm and, having regained the use of her limbs, was hastily fidgeting with the cape. “I didn’t want to...risk it losing itʼs shape, or...” Finally, the cursed fabric came loose, and she hurriedly attempted to fold it in some orderly way before holding it out. “Here.”

Edelgard dropped her hand and lifted her gaze, eyes widening once again at sight of the cape. Hesitantly, she took it. “Th– Thank you, my teacher.” It was the house leaderʼs turn to swallow nervously, and once again she turned away.

Part of her wanted to just walk away and leave it at that -- but her mind wouldn’t rest, putting words on her tongue which she fought with. It looked good on you! or You quite suit the colour!

Yet rather mercifully, before she could say any of them, Byleth had already pulled her own jacket back on and was practically walking away. “Well... Apologies, Edelgard. Iʼll see you tomorrow.”

Edelgard could only watch the Professor walk away -- her cheeks still burning and hands numbly holding the cape. A sigh of relief escaped her when she thought of what would have happened had she spoken any of those ridiculous words...though she would surely still think about the multitude of scenarios whilst trying to sleep.

Byleth, on the other hand, doubted she would get any sleep at all. She was fairly certain she may die of embarrassment before even making it back to her quarters; though in the event she survived, she was already contemplating not getting out of bed the next morning...the sheer thought of facing Edelgard in class again was enough to fill her with an uncomfortable mix of emotions.

[dimigex]

Kiss on a dare and “This isn’t who I am.” for Kakagen. There, it's official. :P

Well, this isn’t a 500 word drabble or a micro drabble as I intended. Have 2000 words of KakaGen because I couldn’t help myself. Still accepting asks (and filling them slowly lol) from here.  

————————————————

Sunlight pierced through the blinds, tormenting Genma’s oversensitive eyes. He rolled onto his side, groaned, and threw an arm across his face. He needed something to erase the memory of alcohol from his tongue, but he prefered that the room stopped spinning first. While he couldn’t remember the exact events from the previous night, they definitely involved too many shots.

As Genma started to push the covers off, two things occurred to him: someone else was in the room, and his bed didn’t have a green blanket patterned with black shuriken  Genma’s eyes slid toward the opposite side of the bed and found it empty. Then, he noticed the shinobi lounging on the window sill like it was the most comfortable seat in the entire world. He did a double take when Kakashi eye-smiled. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.” 

“Fuck you,” Genma ground out, scrambling for a fragment of last night’s memories. He came up empty handed.

Kakashi sat with his right leg bent, arm resting on the knee. An Icha Icha book dangled open in his hand as he supported the majority of his weight on the ball of his other foot. Kakashi wore the sleeveless black of Anbu rather than the jonin uniform that he typically favored. It had been a long time since Genma saw him wear that, too long. His eyes skimmed across lean muscle and pale skin. 

“Interesting choice of words,” Kakashi snorted, snapping the book shut.

Genma refused to rise to the bait. Tossing the blankets aside, he stood. His mind scrambled for memories, but he forced himself to calm down. After a moment of too long silence, Kakashi pushed to his feet and nodded toward one of the doors. “The bathroom is through there." 

Grunting a thanks, Genma moved off in that direction. Only once the door was firmly shut behind him did he allow the panic to close in. What the actual fuck was he doing in Kakashi’s apartment? What the hell happened last night? He still had clothes on, which, depending on how one looked at things, could be considered good or bad. 

Genma crossed the room to splash cold water onto his face. He’d met up with Raido and Iwashi for a rare night out. They’d become few and far between since Iwashi got married and Raido got serious about his latest girl. An hour or so into the night, some of their other friends showed up. Then, the shots and tall tales started. Genma didn’t remember the details or the faces, except for one, Kakashi. But, they’d been on opposite sides of the room, a million miles apart, as usual. 

Other details fought for attention, but Genma couldn’t be sure that they belonged to reality. He could almost recall his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders, followed closely by the heat of the other man’s chest. Laughter rang in his ears as their lips brushed.  

"Fuck,” Genma growled, scrubbing through his hair with both hands. His reflection judged him from the mirror, bloodshot eyes disapproving. Genma steeled his nerve. He had lived through enough awkward morning afters to know how this went. For now, he needed to get out. Stalling in the bathroom was only going to make it worse.  

When Genma stepped back into the bedroom, it was empty. He cut his eyes toward the window, wondering if he could open it without– 

“I figured you’d still be the type to run the next morning.” Kakashi’s voice behind him shattered Genma’s resolve. 

Genma turned and offered his signature grin. Thankfully, that came easily to him even though he had no idea where his senbon had gotten off to. Or his bandana for that matter. He raised his shoulders in a shrug. “I wasn’t thinking of running off, I was just admiring your decorating skills.” 

Kakashi laughed, but didn’t point out the obvious lie. The plain white wall beside the window had a single shelf on it, covered with dust and a plant that looked like it had seen better days. A teasing lilt entered Kakashi’s voice. “Planning of making a habit of waking up here?” 

If only. A blush rushed onto Genma’s cheeks before he could stop it. Hopefully, the dim light covered it. Nervousness washed through him, a relic from another lifetime. “Dunno, you planning to take me to bed more often?” 

Genma cringed at the words as they came out of his mouth. Lately, all of his wit and confidence bled out in Kakashi’s presence. The man reduced Genma to a bumbling idiot and didn’t even realize it. He couldn’t remember when this stupid crush started. One day he’d looked at Kakashi and seen something different, felt something different. There were far more interesting men out there, women too. And honestly, the last thing that Genma needed in his life was a grumpy, moody Hokage. But still, the feeling persisted. 

“I’m surprised you remember last night.” Kakashi’s voice took on a tone that Genma wasn’t familiar with, almost gentle with an undercurrent of uncertainty. “You were pretty drunk.“

Genna considered lying, but he didn’t want to make things any worse than they already were. He shrugged. "I remember bits and pieces.”

“Which ones?” At some point during the awkwardness, Kakashi had crossed the room. The proximity of his voice made Genma jump. He offered a glass of water. ���Did you mean any of it?”  

Genma took the cup and drained it, buying himself a moment to think. He hated the uncomfortable feeling of being exposed as a fraud. Did he mean any of what? “Hell, I barely remember my own name.” 

Kakashi hummed under his breath and pulled away, the almost closeness disappearing like it had never been. The man nodded toward the side of the bed. “Your armor and weapons are there.” 

Genma gazed at the flak vest and pouches folded neatly in the corner. He had missed those when he stumbled from the bed in shock, but he knew that he’d never left them so orderly. Genma raised one eyebrow. “Why don’t you fill in the blanks?” 

“This,” Kakashi paused and exhaled, dark eyes searching. Then, he gestured vaguely at the bed and Genma. “This isn’t who I am.” 

The words stunned Genma, especially since he had no clue what Kakashi was talking about. What wasn’t him? The way the room was decorated? The uncomfortable tension suddenly between them? His eyes had lingered on the bed–ohhh. Realization crashed in as the implication hit home. “What if I said it wasn’t me either?”

“You’d be lying.” Kakashi chuckled under his breath, offering a half shrug. 

Genma took two steps in Kakashi’s direction, anger burning hot in his chest. He hated the suggestion that he was an easy lay. He hated that he couldn’t read Kakashi’s face like a normal person. “It is impossible to know what you’re thinking with this damn mask on.” 

Without bothering with the wisdom of the movement, Genma reached for the fabric. Kakashi didn’t resist. His mask puddled around his neck and chest, forgotten. The man didn’t even have the decency to act surprised. In fact, Kakashi’s now visible lips curled into a smirk. Whiskey and tequila, the mixture of flavors on Genma’s tongue was nearly as potent as the mouth pressed against his. Neon lights flashed as the room spun. Catcalls and whistles, laughter. An arm tight around his shoulders. Whispered words too soft to recall, then a tug at his hand. 

Fractured pieces began to fit themselves back together. Genma hissed under his breath. “Raido, Raido and that stupid dare." 

"So, you do remember?” Watching Kakashi’s mouth move in time with his words temporarily distracted Genma from answering. He’d seen Kakashi without the mask one other time, back in Anbu. That night had etched itself into Genma’s memory forever, and not just because of Kakashi’s face. 

Genma mentally shook himself away from those dangerous thoughts. “I know that Raido is an idiot, and I must have had a hell of a lot more to drink than I realized.” 

Kakashi smiled, an honest to Kami visible smile, and Genma’s stomach did some kind of uncomfortable fluttery thing. “Would you like me to refresh your memory?”

Feeling his normal confidence flooding back in, Genma offered a cheeky grin. “Why don’t you hit the high points?” 

“You were drunk and sloppy. Overeager with too much alcohol and too little common sense.” Genma’s heart plummeted at Kakashi’s words. Those were the good parts? “You slurred through some explanation about it being a stupid dare, that you had to fulfill. Honestly, I didn’t catch most of the words. Then, you kissed me.” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m going to kill Raido. But first, I’m going to poison him, so that it’s slow and miserable. Then I’m going to--Kakashi’s next words interrupted Genma’s plotting. “We left shortly after that.” 

Genma didn’t want to ask, he really didn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. “And then?” 

“And then, we came here.” Kakashi let the silence drag out for a few moments, then shrugged. “Look, like I said last night, I’m not interested in a one night stand. I just want to get everyone off of my back about dating.”

Genma knew the feeling. Raido had been nagging him as well, but his friend’s teasing centered around Kakashi. He’d been hounding Genma for weeks, if not months, to make a move. Kakashi continued, totally unaware of Genma’s thoughts. “You were drunk and spouting nonsense, so I left you in bed to sleep it off.” 

Left you in bed to sleep it off. The words repeated in Genma’s mind before it jumped back to the earlier ones. He turned to face Kakashi, trying hard not to stare at the beauty mark below his lips. “What kind of nonsense?” 

Kakashi tugged at the mask around his neck, straightening the fabric in preparation to replace it. His eyes met Genma’s. “Nothing that needs repeated. Hopefully last night’s act will get them to leave us alone for a few days at least.” 

Genma watched the slow movement of Kakashi’s hand, thoughts spinning in circles with every heartbeat. The dare. Raido’s teasing and the knowing looks. Dozens of almosts, constantly wishing that he’d said something, hating that he hadn’t. Wanting things to be different. He drew a quick breath. “What if it wasn’t all an act?” 

Kakashi arched one eyebrow skyward, lips pulling into a frown that Genma had to restrain himself from kissing back into a smile. “What do you mean?” 

“Hell, I’m too old for this shit.” Genma stepped into the remaining space between himself and Kakashi. The mask hung from the man’s fingertips, not quite back in place. It fluttered down in slow motion as Genma met Kakashi’s gaze without flinching. ““I don’t remember what I said last night, but I know what I needed to say. The only reason that Raido dared me to make a move on you is because he’s sick of me pining around like a lost puppy–his words, not mine.” 

Even without the mask, Kakashi’s expression remained unreadable. Genma let the words run away with him. “I don’t know when it happened, or what the hell happened. But, I know that something has changed.”

As the silence continued, Genma huffed out a breath. “I guess what I’m asking is if I could take you to dinner or something sometime.” 

“It’s a little early for dinner,” Kakashi observed, gaze flicking toward the window. His lips quirked into a smile that Genma wanted to memorize every facet of. “How about breakfast?” 

“Breakfast,” Genma repeated, bringing his fingers to tangle in Kakashi’s mask. He tugged the man closer to brush their lips together. When he drew back, Genma half considered suggesting that they get breakfast in bed. But, he didn’t want to be that person any more. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tumble Kakashi back into the sheets, because he definitely did. But he wanted something more. Exhaling, he ran his fingers through his hair and nodded. “Breakfast sounds good.” 

[zap-writing]

The sun sets on another day - TRSNS fanfic

@redstone-sun‘s fic fucked me up so I did what I know and wrote about it to cope asdfghjhgf

the basic summary of this fic: Mumbo has a Bad Day(TM) and we stan Good Guy Iskall 

AO3 Link

On days like these, Mumbo felt his guilt like concrete weights tied tight around his throat.

The actual impulses and desires to obey that sanguine call no longer affected him as often as they used to―perhaps out of sheer necessity rather than true recovery, but the fine details didn’t matter. Not to Mumbo at least. The intrusive thoughts and feelings, however, were another story.

Sometimes he wished he could just press a button and fix all of his problems like one would a faulty machine, force him through some kind of psychological reboot. His prescribed process was tedious enough as it was; exposure therapy was a snail’s race by nature, and the transitions were mind-numbingly gradual. From mentions of redstone, to discussions of redstone, to looking at redstone, to touching redstone, to holding redstone, to――

And so on and so forth.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and the process was anything but linear and orderly. For a long while it felt like every step he took forward, something would send him three steps and a stumble back. One moment he was setting up semi-complex circuits from memory in his obsidian home, the next Grian would make an off-hand comment about a test contraption one of the hermits built nearly killing him and Mumbo would find himself involuntarily wishing it had.

Those moments scared him. He knew that it wasn’t really him thinking then, that it was just some heinous, corrupted part of him, some deep innate brand of the Red Sun festering behind his eyes. But it wasn’t any less terrifying to catch himself tempted by the crimson voice in the back of his mind that told him he didn’t belong in the overworld, that he needed to continue wiring in the quartz covered plains or he’d never be satisfied, to beg and steal and lie and cheat if it meant getting back to the Sun’s dimension, that if anyone got in his way he had to kill kill kill kill kilL KILL KILL KILL KILL K―

. . .

Those nights, Mumbo felt pain beyond anything he’d known before, from the crescent welts of his fingernails dug deep into the meat of his forearms, to the once-foreign hopelessness that left him wondering why anyone thought he was worth saving anymore.

--------------------------------------------

On days like these, Mumbo found himself convinced that he’d never be released from his blood-stained binds.

It hurt more than he cared to admit, having redstone so intrinsically ruined for him. Sure, he had brute-forced his way into standing it enough to look over blueprints with Iskall and play with it like a child when he was alone, but it was never the same. Nothing compared to the satisfaction of improving on an existing design, nor the pride and excitement of inventing something entirely new.

Inventions. Redstone was such a progressive material, a resource far beyond any of the hermits’ understanding. It was able to do just about anything if only someone could crack the code to get there. Most of them already knew of the wonders it could provide--plenty of the hermits used redstone-based bionics, or at the very least a form of enhancement.

Iskall was no stranger to them, obviously. Perhaps Mumbo shouldn’t have been surprised, then, when the man came to him amidst his wallowing with a stack of crudely arranged notes in hand. He was somehow more chipper and cheeky than usual if the bright smile on his face was anything to go by. There was a proud sort of flourish as he handed the papers to Mumbo, who sat with wariness and confusion. That apprehension, however, was quickly replaced with curiosity.

Blueprints and notes regarding the conception of redstone-powered contraptions and devices would typically be a quick read for Mumbo, but even having been friends with Iskall and Grian for quite some time, there was no way to scan through the chicken-scratch handwriting and less-than discernible doodles in a short amount of time.

Mumbo’s initial attempt at cracking the code that was Iskall’s notes was interrupted not ten seconds in when two loaves of bread, an apple, and a bottle of water was set down in front of him, making him flinch slightly. He stared at the selection for a moment, mouth suddenly dry, before nodding his thanks and reaching for the apple. It was in that instant that Mumbo realized he didn’t remember the last time he had something to eat and swallowed down his embarrassment.

The two men soon fell into silence as Mumbo worked through the notes bit by bit, often pausing to right papers that had somehow folded or flipped upside down in Iskall’s attempt to organize them. Though it took a while, a careful read through informed Mumbo of Iskall’s plans to research a possibility of mechanically repairing his vocal cords.

There was a prominent section on the usage of prismarine crystals and diamond powder to color match the box with his eye prosthetic, and another that explored the possibility of controllable pitch and volume settings.

(In a better scenario, Mumbo would have been terrified at the possibilities that would come with giving Iskall such power, and even now he wondered who the first prank victim would be.)

All of it was quite clearly in the early stages of development, but Mumbo could help but brighten up at the thought of Iskall being able to talk again. It wasn’t something he liked to think about for long or often, but he missed Iskall’s voice. Before the incident, his friend’s laughs and sly comments were one of the things that helped the days go by, and Mumbo knew he wasn’t the only one who thought so. The man deserved his voice and more for what he’d gone through.

But information on Iskall’s voice-box plans came to an unexpected stop halfway through the stack of notes. Suddenly Mumbo was reading through two different handwriting styles about mechanical joints and synthetic muscle fiber and artificial nerve endings and――

He stopped reading. This section contained far too many things he knew too little about.

Head spinning from unfamiliar jargon, he looked up at Iskall in question.

“F...f-for Gri..ian,” came the harsh rumble from Iskall, startling Mumbo in the process. Both of the men stared at each other for a moment, each sheepish in their own right, before Iskall pulled out a relatively new-looking book and began writing.

[Doc let me take a look at his arm a bit ago and helped me out with the technical stuff. I’m hoping that we can replicate a pair for Grian. Took much more work comin up with this blueprint than it did for my voicebox plan lol ]

Mumbo went from bemused to ecstatic as he read Iskall’s explanation, feeling surprisingly hopeful for the first time in a long time. The sheer thought of his friends getting back what he took from them made his heart swell with guilty joy.

The technician’s part of his brain fired off a million different inquiries about how they could get these plans to work, but his heart ached knowing this was a project he wouldn’t have much part in if any. He didn’t specialize in bionics for one, but even if he felt like dabbling in the expertise for the benefit of his friends, Mumbo didn’t want to get too involved out of fear of relapse.

Especially not after today. He just wasn’t ready.

“These plans are incredible, Iskall.” Mumbo whispered in awe, flipping through both sections of the packet thrice over. A part of him yearned to add notes and suggestions of his own along the margins of the already messy prints, but he swallowed down the eagerness and handed the papers back to Iskall with a shaky hand. Far too fast for him to subdue, bubbling apprehension rose into his chest again as a presence beneath his ribcage scolded him for not ripping the notes to shreds when he had the chance and Mumbo turned away from Iskall in shame. He didn’t even notice himself staring off into the corner of his room until the scratching of a feather pen against paper got his attention again.

[I was hoping you would say that. Wouldn't be Architech patent-worthy without your approval :) ]

Mumbo gave a half-hearted as smile his dear friend stored the notes away in a light blue shulker box he hadn’t seen get brought out. As Iskall packed the box up, a red hot silence burned within the room and Mumbo flushed at the uneasiness of it all, hating the fact that he couldn’t enjoy the company of the people he loved anymore. It made him feel like an ass when he was so unresponsive and caught up in self-pity, but at the same time it felt like acting as if nothing ever happened would be a slap in the face to everyone he wronged. He was halfway through a mental reprimand when Iskall huffed through his nose and came to sit beside him at his birch wood table.

A beat or two passed in silence before a steady hand reached out to fix the uneven part in Mumbo’s hair, smooth out the collar of his dress shirt, and pat him gently on the side of his face. The warmth of Iskall’s hand damn nearly drove Mumbo to tears. With cloudy eyes, he watched as Iskall tilted his head, expression a melancholy mix of fondness and sorrow.

[It’s bad today, huh?]

With a sharp intake of breath and clenched teeth, Mumbo glanced away from Iskall. He’d rather pretend he was fine than admit to the Red Sun’s influence holding strong sway over him today. But before he could come up with something to say, Iskall was already shoving his book back into Mumbo’s hands.

[Don’t try to lie to me, I can see it in your face. And in the stubble on your chin.]

“I…“ Mumbo started, cotton-mouthed and ashamed, closing his eyes to prevent the tears from glossing over his vision.

Sweet scarlet whispers pricked at the back of his head and swirled behind his eyelids, reminding him the Red Sun never sets the Red Sun never sets the Red Sun never sets, and he tensed his jaw to try and drown out the words with a high-pitched strain. The world around him grew warm and tight and dark, and despite his best efforts, the voices seemed to just get louder.

All at once, Mumbo realized that Iskall was pushing at his shoulders and letting out determined, wordless noises as he tried to bring the man from his panic. Mumbo brought down his hands from where he found them pressed firmly against his ears, noticing that his face felt warm and wet. He silently wiped at his cheeks with his sleeve, defeated.

“...Yeah. It is.”

“I-I...It’ss oh-k-kay.” Iskall offered gently, releasing his hold from his friend’s shoulders and sliding them down to his arms as he scanned Mumbo for any more signs of distress. As soon as his hands were free, he reached for his book again.

[It’s a nice day out today. Let’s go for a walk. I’ll shoot Grian a message to meet us in the shopping district.]

Before Mumbo could begin to read, Iskall plucked the book from his hand and began writing frantically, leaving Mumbo to wipe at the heavy tears that pooled over the edge of his eyelids once again.

[Let’s not tell him about my plans yet. I don’t want to get him excited for something that could take months or more to even start on. Promise to keep it a secret for now?]

Mumbo couldn’t help but flash him a warm smile. This man has done so much for both him and Grian even in wake of his own obstacles and responsibilities. There was nothing in this world or the next that Mumbo could offer as retribution.

“Sure thing. You have my word.”

Iskall huffed a laugh, grabbing and immediately shaking Mumbo’s hand with unnecessary earnest.

[Jolly good cheers mate! Let’s get you ready for our stroll, shall we lad? Pip pip!]

With a good-natured roll of his eyes, Mumbo stood from where he’d been sat since early that morning, bones audibly popping from inactivity, and made towards his room to change into a clean white button-up and dress pants, leaving his coat on the bed. It took him a moment to brave the mirror in the corner of his room, but once he could stand to look at his reflection, he made an honest attempt to make himself presentable. After smoothing out the folds and wrinkles in his shirt, Mumbo pulled at his mustache a few times in an attempt to style it, lamenting that he didn’t have the time to shave the shadow from his jaw.

There was a soft, gentle hum from Iskall that got Mumbo’s attention as he exited his room, and he walked closer to read what his friend was saying.

[Handsome.]

Bashful, Mumbo blushed and shut the book. Compliments always made him somewhat embarrassed before, but it hit him much harder nowadays, especially when he felt bad about not being able to clean up as much as he preferred. Despite his self-consciousness, Mumbo was grateful for Iskall’s encouragement and offered a small smile in thanks.

As he and Iskall locked up his house and began the journey towards the shopping district, Mumbo watched him message Grian and shake with silent laughter―probably at something stupid Grian responded with, knowing them, but he was too engrossed in thought to catch what was said―and noticed that for the first time in a while that he couldn’t hear the honeyed song of the Red Sun, nor could he feel its pull deep within his bones.

Truly, Iskall and Grian were gifts from the universe he didn’t deserve. It was a bloody wonder that they still stood by him after all they went through. Despite everything, his friends still cared for him. Still loved him. There was nothing he could do to repay them for that. And nothing could compare to the outpour of adoration he felt for them in return.

--------------------------------------------

On days like these, with his best friends at his sides, Mumbo felt free.

[reylo-solo]

Reylo neighbors

I had way too much fun writing this and I DEFINITELY got carried away, lol. Thanks for the prompt!

Read it on AO3.

➳ Say It With Roses

               The house at 515 ParkwoodCrescent was built in the early 1950’s. It had a beautiful widow’s walk and anenclosed porch, picture windows, a cobblestone walkway, and a lovely fenced-inbackyard, perfect for parties. It had also been vacant for two and a half years.

               Every morning when Ben Solo wokeup, he would take his cup of coffee and drag his feet over to his living room,where he would gaze sternly out the bay window and his eyes would always roamover the weathered ‘For Sale’ sign next door to his house. He would think tohimself, For Christ’s sake, is the placehaunted or something? He had seen any number of people get a tour inside bythe realtor over the last two and a half years, and not a single one had madean offer on it. They always left smiling, but it never amounted to a damnedthing.

Thecompany that oversaw the management of the lot consistently forgot to mow thelawn, and Ben consistently had to phone and complain to remind them. It drovehim insane. The picketed half-fence his property shared with that house waspristine on his end, but was peeling and hideous on the other side.

BenSolo was a perfectionist. He liked things to be just as he wanted them to be,no more, no less. He liked things to be kept tidy. 515 Parkwood Crescent hadnot been tidy in almost three years. So obviously, this was a big point ofcontention for him.

Untilone fateful morning when Ben’s alarm roused him from his deep slumber at 7:30.He all but fell out of bed, stretched, and put his comfortable sheepskin suede slipperson to walk downstairs to the kitchen. This time when he looked out his window,something was different. The ‘For Sale’ sign had changed. Now, it boldlyproclaimed ‘SOLD’.

“Holyshit,” Ben cursed under his breath, “it’s finally happening.”

Nowcame the anxious wait. Who had bought it? Was it a family? A single person,like himself? Would they be lazy, or proactive? Would they keep their lawn niceand orderly? Would they have children? God forbid they had a dog, whoever it was. Dogs always chewedup gardens, and Ben had a lovely row of prize roses along his side of the fencethat he would sure like to keep planted in the soil.

Therest of May went by quickly, with no signs of life next door. But Ben knew howthis worked. They would get possession on the 1st of June, and afterthat he would know who his new neighbour(s) would be.

Hehad grown oddly used to having no one living on that side of his house. Forinstance, he had enjoyed walking about naked with the blinds on that side open,because no one could see him, especially when he was upstairs in his room withits window that faced the vacant house. It would suck not to be able to do thatanymore, but if it meant the fence would get painted he supposed he should begrateful.

June1st came and went. There were no moving trucks that day, but Ben didspot an old Volkswagen car parked out front and some lights on inside thehouse. He wondered if he shouldn’t go over and say hello, but then heremembered that Mrs. Graham, who lived on the other side of his house, had donethat when he had first moved in, and he still kind-of resented her for it. No, he thought. I’d better give them a few days to get situated first.

By June 2nd, the moving trucks werethere. He saw them in the morning when he was going to work, and spotted some movingcompany workers laboriously hauling a heavy-looking leather loveseat into thehouse. But still no sign of the occupant(s).

Hedidn’t have to wait much longer, however. When he came home from work at 6:00on the dot, grabbed his briefcase from the backseat, and began heading up hiswalkway, he was surprised to hear excitable yipping getting closer and closerto him. When he looked down he saw a small blur of white and brown.

“You’vegot to be kidding me,” he grumbled under his breath. “A fucking dog.”

Indeed,the rambunctious little pup, with the brown spot on its rump and the streaks ofrust colour in its ears, was jumping up at Ben’s legs, stubby little tailwagging in pure euphoria. Ben looked down at the dog with unbridled distaste.

“Bo! Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

Ben’shead snapped up at the sound of a human – female – voice. A petite brunette waslaunching herself off the porch of 515 Parkwood Crescent, rushing down thecobblestone walkway, crossing over into Ben’s yard, and scooping the pup upinto her arms. Ben was stunned into paralyzed silence.

Shewas young, not far into her 20’s, with lively eyes and a sun-kissed, bronzecomplexion. Wherever she had come from, it had been warm there. Freckles weresplashed across the bridge of her nose, a few dabbled along her cheekbones. Hersmile was 10,000-watt; so bright and intoxicating in nature. She had her hairpulled up in a bun and she wore a ragged old tank-top and camo cut-offs. Shehad a touch of periwinkle paint smeared across her left shoulder and dirt underher fingernails. She extended a hand to Ben.

“Hi,I’m your new neighbour, Rey.”

Benswallowed, surprised at just how dry his throat felt. He shook her hand firmly.

“Myname’s Ben. Nice to meet you, and your, uh, dog.” He said the last word with justthe right amount of sour inflection.

Reyblushed lightly. Ben could feel his own face warming significantly.

“Yeah,again, I’m sorry. He slipped out right when I opened the door. He really likesmeeting new people.”

“Howcute.” Ben muttered.

Thetwo spoke for a short while. Rey told Ben all the minor details he couldpossibly want to know. She had grown up in London as an orphan, and had justfinished travelling the world with a photography scholarship. Apparently shewas world-renowned, but Ben had never heard of her. She was doing a lot ofrenovation work to the house and couldn’t wait to “put down roots here”. Benhad been as cordial as he possibly could be. In truth he didn’t mind listeningto her speak. Her accented voice was intoxicating. But eventually her spellbroke when little Bo took to barking at a biker riding down the street,squirming in his owner’s toned arms.

“Ah,you’ll have to excuse me. I need to get him back inside before his little heartjust can’t take the excitement anymore. It was really lovely to meet you,though. I hope we can talk again soon over the fence someday!”

Bensmiled stiffly, eyeing Bo with a healthy amount of wariness. “I’m sure wewill.”

Thetwo parted ways. After that their contact was minimal for a couple of weeks.Ben was busy with work and was out of the house six days out of the week (onthe seventh he stayed in his man cave watching terrible movies on Netflix inhis pyjamas, smoking one premium joint at around 5 p.m. – his special secrettradition to thank himself for getting through the week without killinganyone). Rey, on the other hand, clearly remained busy on her renovations. Benwould see lights on in the house into the wee hours of the morning, and if hewent outside on his deck and listened closely, he could hear muted hammeringnoises and soft, echoing music playing from somewhere inside the house. Hecan’t say he wasn’t curious about what she was doing in there. The interior ofthe house was beautiful wood and tile, with a stone fireplace, and crown moulding. It was a mid-centuryantique-lover’s dream. Surely shewasn’t making the mistake of trying to modernizeit?

Theymet once more in the evening on a Tuesday, when Ben was on his knees along thefence line, pruning his roses. Rey walked by with a heavy-looking camera bagslung over her shoulder and a binder full of papers in her arm. She gave himthat dazzling smile of hers, which made his heart actually skip a beat, on herway by.

“Evening!”she chirped. “Your roses are absolutely lovely. I’d love to have a garden likeyours someday!”

Hesmiled back, somewhat awkwardly. Ben’s smile was usually quite crooked innature; kind-of goofy-looking but in a charming way, like when a dog ‘smiles’.

“Thanks…”he replied belatedly.

Shewas clearly in a hurry. She unloaded her burdens into the backseat of her carand drove off somewhere. Ben went back to work, the look of her smiling faceburned in his brain for the rest of the night.

Reyhad barely been living next-door for a month when The Incident happened. Oh, it was a doozy, in more ways than one.

Benwoke up that morning and sauntered to the kitchen in his slippers and plaidflannel pyjama pants. His hair was a chaotic mess – he had tossed and turned alot in the night; June was turning out to be a hot month, and the fan in hisbedroom couldn’t keep up with the heat. He was just barely awake. He nearly forgotto put a fresh K-cup of breakfast blend into his Keurig. That would have beendisgusting.

Crisisavoided and with a fresh, aromatic mug of hot coffee in his hand, he wanderedover to his window. The sun had just come up, and the morning sky was streakedwith pink and yellow. A rose gold palette of natural beauty. Speaking ofroses…what was wrong with his roses?!

Heblinked and rubbed his eyes, forcing himself to wake up completely. Rich, darkdirt was scattered across his freshly-trimmed lawn, interlaced with shreddedrose petals, leaves, and a couple whole stems, dug out from their home in thesoil. And there, in the midst of it all, was a little white dog butt with abrown spot along the back.

“Areyou fucking shitting me right now?!”Ben bellowed. His coffee was instantly set down and forgotten about.

Bo,having heard Ben’s outburst from the garden, lifted his dirt-stained face up,floppy puppy ears perked towards the noise. When Ben emerged shortly after,still bare-chested in his slippers and PJ pants, with a look of dark fury onhis face, Bo froze in terror, completely unsure of what to do or where to go.

WhenBen got close, Bo suddenly rolled onto his belly, short little tail tucked inshame as much as it could be. Ben bent down and picked the dog up by the scruffof its neck. Bo couldn’t even meet Ben’s eyes.

“Whatthe hell, dog?” Ben snarled. “I can’tfucking believe this shit. It is 7:30 in the goddamn morning, and you’re goingto hurl this crap in my face? I don’t fucking think so…”

Heswiftly moved down his walkway and over into Rey’s yard, carrying the dog allthe way, tucked at his side. His slippers didn’t really make a veryintimidating sound effect as he stomped up the stairs and across the porch toher front door – which she had painted bright red for some fucking reason. Bright red. Fuck. How original. Ben’sknuckles rapped hard on the painted door.

Noanswer. The lights were off inside, but her car was most certainly parked outfront. Nope. No. He was going to get mad at somebody, goddamn it. The dogdidn’t count.

Hepressed the doorbell repeatedly and kicked at the door until finally, finally, she emerged, one eye shut tothe brightness of the morning, hair falling out of its messy bun, wrapped in anold threadbare robe that was much too big on her.

“Whatis going on…?” she mumbled, slowly registering the very angry half-naked manwith a very nice chest she was now facing. “Bo?”

“Yourfucking dog tore up my roses,” Ben growled, holding the dog up so she could seehis face, smeared with the evidence of his crime. “And I have to beg thequestion: what the hell was he doing in my yard at 7:30 in the morning?”

Reyblinked, colour quickly fading from her face. There it is, Ben thought poisonously. There’s that ‘oh, shit’ look I wanted to see.

“I-Iswear I don’t know…there’s a doggy-door out to the backyard. He must havegotten through the fence somehow, I—”

“Well.That fucking sucks, doesn’t it?” Ben spat. “Meanwhile my garden is destroyedbecause you think it’s fine to let him go out without a leash any damn time hewants!”

Rey’sexpression instantly soured. Her eyes narrowed and her chin stuck out.

“Ican assure you he won’t do it again,” she chewed out bitterly.

“Oh,you’re damned right he won’t,” Ben argued. “Because he’s not going to be letout without a leash until he gets his little digging habit under control,right?”

“Howdare you tell me how to take care of my dog?” Rey snarled, taking Bo roughlyfrom Ben’s arms and setting him down at her feet. Bo whined, blatantlyuncomfortable with the situation he had created.

“Wellclearly someone has to!”

“Whydon’t you piss off? Why do you even grow roses? What kind of soft-side bullshitis that?!”

“Whatare you fucking talking about? I’m not allowed to grow fucking roses in my own damn yard?”

“I’mnot allowed to let my dog go outsidein my own damn yard?!”

“Listen,I’ve been here a lot longer than you—”

“Oh,yeah? It shows!” Rey gestured to her facial area, even tugging down on onecheek, clearly suggesting dark circles and eye wrinkles.

“Ohdoes it?!” Ben yelled.

“Yeah,it does!”

Theirbanter was ended by the sound of Mr. Johnson shouting from a couple housesdown, reminding them both of the lovely, peaceful neighbourhood they calledhome:

“Shut the fuck up!”

Theyboth stopped, chests heaving, angry eyes never leaving the other’s face. It wasat this point Ben realized that, oh – Rey sleeps naked.

Thethreadbare robe she had so thoughtfully put on before answering the door washardly cinched at her waist, creating a very deep-V neckline that showed Ben alot more than he had been expecting to see. It only made it more eye-catchingwhen she crossed her arms like that.

Hecouldn’t help the sudden flush in his face. He was the first to break theirstaring contest, and he wasn’t proud of it. Rey had only a second to appreciateher victory before she too realized why she’d won. With a soft gasp she hastilytugged the collar of her robe closed. Now she was vibrantly blushing too, andshe also looked like she wanted to slap him, which in all actuality she hadevery right to do. But she didn’t, and in the moment she couldn’t quiteunderstand why.

“Keepyour dog on your side of the fence,” Ben grumbled. Most of his fire had diedout by now. He jabbed an accusatory hand at her side of the fence in questionas he descended the porch steps. “And for fuck’s sake, would it kill you topaint it?”

Thetwo carefully avoided one another for the next week, always checking out thewindow before daring to go outside. Ben watered his garden in the morning, Reymowed her lawn in the evening. Bo didn’t escape again. He didn’t even bark. Bensaw Rey out painting her side of the fence one day, but he didn’t dare go outand say anything about it. And it went on like this for a whole, painfully longweek. Until the first fault in the ice cracked to life.

Itwas a Saturday morning. Rey was always gone on a run on Saturday mornings, andBen left for work at 9:00. This morning though, when he opened his door at8:57, he had to pause in the threshold. For there, right outside his door andawfully close to the toe of his shoe, was a small potted rose bush,freshly-grown and healthy, with one small, deep-red bloom on top.

Mystified,Ben picked it up. Amidst the leaves and (this was no doubt done on purpose)thorns, there was a small piece of folded-up paper. Fine stationary, made ofsoft natural paper, and written on the outside of the fold in fine, flowyscript, was his name.

Muchto the (likely) chagrin of the sender, he only received one particularly nastyprick on his ring finger when he reached in to grab it. He sucked on this as hebrought the plant inside and set it down, before opening the letter addressedto him.

I’m sorry my dog toreup your roses, and I’m sorry I didn’t apologize in the moment. I should have.You were right to be angry. Bo feels really, really bad, and so do I. Just soyou know. I bought this at the Farmer’s Market and I thought you could maybeplant it and start fresh. If you don’t want to that’s fine. I understand yourroses were “one of a kind”. I hope you’ll keep this little guy alive, anyway,even if you don’t forgive us. – Rey & Bo (your apologetic neighbours)

Benwould be lying if he said the note didn’t make him smile a little bit. He setit fold-down atop his piano, and admired the little rose bush. Its leaves werea vibrant, lush green, and it was covered in buds. He flicked a leaf andwatched it tremble. He grinned. It would do just fine in his garden.

Hekept coming back to that little rose bush all day long. At work he’d catchhimself doodling, something he rarely did anymore, little sketches of roses inthe margins and bright, dimpled smiles. The plant was a sign of surrender;asking for a truce. Would he give in? Well, yes, he would. It hadn’t taken himlong to come to that conclusion. In all honesty, over the duration of the weekhis anger had faded. Once he had cleaned up his garden he noticed that thedamage wasn’t as extensive as he thought. He could forgive it, he supposed.

Buthow could he let her know it? It just didn’t feel right to him to go over toher house and offer her a plate of store-bought cookies, because lord knows hecouldn’t bake them himself. It felt fake, derivative, and cheesy. “Hey, it’sall water off a duck’s back! Here’s some Pillsbury crap on a plate!”

Itwas 3:36 in the afternoon when the idea struck him. The Grand Gesture. The wayhe was going to let Rey know all was forgiven. He had been inspired bysomething she had said the other day; her words floated back to him as though comingout of the ether of a dream. And suddenly he couldn’t wait to get home. Ofcourse, he’d have to make a couple stops along the way, pick up some suppliesand the like. He planned it out to the last detail, effectively wasting thelast hour and a half of work. And when it was finally time to leave, his deskchair had barely stopped spinning before he had left the building.

Heknew that starting at 5:00, he had only two hours before Rey would be home forthe night after she stopped at the gym (in the short time she had been livingnext door, he had quickly taken note of her daily activities). He could pullthis off in an hour and a half, if he was quick and had no interruptions. Hehauled everything over to Rey’s front lawn and set to work.

Thankfully,the universe was smiling upon him for once and everything went smoothly. He hadsuccessfully started a garden for Rey, in front of her large picture window inthe front yard. He had carefully transplanted a shoot of his own prize roses,right in the centre, with a colourful array of flora and grasses all around. Tohim it looked magnificent, but a nagging voice in the back of his head keptasking ‘Would she even notice it?’

               When all was said and done, hiswatch told him it was 6:51. She would be home soon. He took this opportunity toplant his new rose bush in the spot where Bo had dug up the last one. He wasjust packing the dirt around the base of the plant when he heard her car pullup. He held his breath.

               Her car door shut. He heard herunlatch the front gate and re-latch it behind her. Then came the soft shufflingsound of her shoes walking up the cobblestone pathway…and then all soundsstopped with a sudden, loud gasp.

               Ben peeked precariously over thetop of the fence. She was standing halfway up the walk with her jaw slack, staringwide-eyed at the beautiful arrangement that had seemingly appeared in front of her house. She slowly walked up to it and bentdown to examine the flowers closer. Ben couldn’t see, but when she saw theroses, she grinned because she recognized them instantly.

               At this point, Ben realized heprobably looked like a total jackass, crouched and watching her from across thefence. So he stood up, brushed the dirt from the worn-out knees of his jeans,and cleared his throat.

               “You’re forgiven, in case itwasn’t clear,” he said. “Bo, too.”

               She stood up straight and turnedto look at him, that one-of-a-kind smile glowing like the moon in the sky.

               “You did this?” she askedquietly, her voice laden with emotion.

               Ben nodded. “I didn’t know howelse to say it…and I remembered you telling me you wanted a garden like mine,so I figured I’d help get you started.”

               “I love it,” she confessed. “It’sbeautiful, and it smells amazing.”

               “Well, good. I’m glad.”

               Rey sighed, shifting her weightto her left foot. She gave him an apologetic look.

               “I guess we’ve been lousyneighbours, huh?” she asked.

               “Uh, when the guy down thestreet has to tell us to shut the fuck up, I’m going to say yes, we have been,”Ben answered.

               Rey chuckled. “Woops.”

               “Woops.” Ben agreed with acrooked smile.

               Rey smiled back at him somewhatbashfully, fiddling with the wire of her headphones.

               “Would you like to come inside?”she asked quietly. “I think we could both use a drink, maybe. And…I’d like toget to know you better, if that’s okay.”

               Ben’s eyes widened. He had beenexpecting a hearty thank-you, maybe some joyful tears, but not an invitationinside – into her life. Before hisbrain could even formulate an answer, he was nodding his head yes and hoppingover the fence.

               “Careful,” Rey cautionedplayfully, “I just painted that.”

               Ben smirked. “I know, it looksgood.”

               “Thanks.”

               As he climbed the steps of herporch for the second time in his life, he found himself in a very apologeticmood. Heat burned high in his face, turning the tips of his ears a deep pink.

               “Oh, um…I also want to apologizefor, uh…well, the night of The Incident,I…I promise I wasn’t staring,” he mumbled, “at you.”

               Rey smiled warmly, and Ben didn’tmiss the way her eyes jumped down his body and back up again in one quick,scanning motion.

               “That’s okay,” she confessed asa sly grin spread across her face. “I just hope you don’t mind that I was.”

               Ben didn’t know what to say tothat, so he just grinned like an idiot and followed her inside without a secondthought. She had freshly-baked cookies on her countertop and no Pillsburycontainer in sight.

[mysamcedesmadness]

Steerio Hearts Stuff & Stuff

White Devils and the Demons They Serve (Chs 15-17)

I was gonna do two seperate posts, but you two are the ones who do most of the reading and y’all actually read EVERYTHING, so I figured, even if it’s as long as a chapter, y’all would’ve read it anyways.

@sweetiedee85

Stevie can’t even sniff his fingers with Bukowski breathing down his neck. What is Bukowski up to with Cheerio? 

I. Am. Still. Crine. Over this comment. That is all. (Because, you just found out in Ch 17 what Bukowski was up to.

But I guess it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.

Even though this is regarding Tesla, this is actually a fantastic summary of most of the characters in this story, hell - in the series. People often accept what their life seems to be instead of fighting for what it can be. That DEFINITELY happens in the context of having a mental illness, because everyday life can be overwhelming enough, so taking extra risks and chances are sometimes astronomical.

What’s sad is they would rather do that than come see their child. Time is more value, and we see they don’t care enough to spend any with her.

The Robinsons are the worst. I just have no other feedback of them for right now. Radja more than Champ - but they are a team and that team should’ve included their daughter and never does. In fact, I have a little arc that involves Radja coming up shortly and yes, she’s just the worst in it. 

But then those dang nightmares and training haunting the poor guy. I know it’s something he struggles with even after their married. He has triggers, and they usually lead to him growing and learning something different about himself and the way he views things. It seems that this is only the beginning of that journey.

Stevie sometimes suffers from psychosis, so he’s forgotten a lot of things that he’s been exposed to, because his brain was just unable or unwilling to process the trauma - much like his breakdown after Mary died. This is why later he still has repressed memories punching him in the gut and why it’s important to him to be a realist. He seems like an asshole a lot, for “Just being realistic,” but he knows himself (particularly after he’s out) and he just wants to make sure he’s trying to assess things normally and naturally, so that he doesn’t unintentionally wind up in a state of psychosis... Now, WE know that sometimes, it’s going to happen, anyway. But, these glimpses into his episodes are here for me to try to explain why Stevie is such an “asshole,” OUTSIDE of his racism. That’s a completely different issue which I’d never justify. Lol.

I do wonder if Tesla wants this footage. I doubt Bukowski has any good in him so is it his self need to have every part of Tesla in his grasp, under his control? Will she be somehow grateful he’s gotten this back? Idk but just the thought makes me sicker.

Tesla does NOT want this footage, wants no part of this footage, was alarmed by Bukowski and Stevie even MENTIONING this footage, and has absolutely no need for this footage. This is primarily about Bukowski’s control, and also his fetish. He enjoys watching. He enjoys knowing things. It makes him feel powerful to know things and to be able to see things. She MAY be grateful that he’s gotten it, but honestly, she’s still suffering from the damage of the event. She knows that it has already been done, and whether or not there is footage, she’s already suffered and has to live with it. Be sick, be very sick. It’s meant to be deeply sickening.

Anyway, Stevie is out of control lol threatening Derek was un called for. We know at this point she’s the one exception to that word, and that’s recent so I wasn’t surprised when he said it. I thought Cheerio would at least consider turning down Stevie’s offer but nope lol She just as toxic in love as him, and she sees beyond his training. I doubt I could have it in me.

Stevie is often impulsive in his decisions, but sometimes, they’re premeditated. Sometimes, he thinks things out, knows that his decision isn’t great and does it anyway. He gets so much better about this as he ages, but Teenage Stevie is deeply territorial and no matter what he says, he feels like he owns Cheerio.

And, no ma’am. I can’t relate to her, in that regard. A chick called me “Kunta Kinte” in 2007. I tried to beat her with a beer bottle in her own trailer, had to get dragged out of there and brought home and I still will call her a bitch, if I see her today.

  Angelwings

Ok... Who is Bukowski even using to make Tesla (Ally) jealous? I mean agh.

This had me cracking up SO HARD. You would be surprised the kinda pink dick pandering out there on the innanets. Whenever I had a successful porn blog, right here on Tumblr, I seen some shit. And there are folk less attractive and less charming that can somehow manage to get little sex games going with people, especially if they’re in a fetish niche (which gingers are).

ok so Tesla told her to have sex in the shower? If she's in the bathroom they accept verbal... side eyeing and looking all squinted eyed trying to imagine how they WON'T get caught.

This is because the orderlies won’t generally just burst into the bathroom while a resident is in the shower if the resident seems fine and is willing to peek out and show their face. They’ll only barge in if the resident seems off (trying to pretend that they’re fine) or is not responsive. They want to value their privacy to a certain extent, but not to leave them vulnerable, if they somehow got hold of a weapon or something.

It just goes back to what Stevie says to Sam. He has to constantly battle with his thoughts. At least he does that.

I touched on this a little bit with Dee. Stevie HAS to do this, to make sure that he keeps himself grounded. His triggers are so dynamic that they literally take control of his mind, for a time. He wants to not have to experience that, and he never wants to hurt the people he loves because of some type of break.

Hmm so Dani is trying to work at a library. That's kind of perfect. Hope she gets it and keeps up her therapy and stuff. It always makes me upset to see any hospital release patients before they are ready. I really hope Dani can transition back into society.

Oh, no - she’s not trying to work at the library. The library is one of the few places that poor people can have access to the Internet and by this time, even though the story is set for several years ago - a lot of the jobs and such are available to apply online. Dani would most likely apply online, because she knows that she might appear to not be normal when going in to get applications and people might “fire before you hire” her upon seeing that she’s not very normal. Sorry, I didn’t explain that. I know that the Texas Workforce Commission has access, but I didn’t feel like researching how unemployment works in Ohio, so I just went the library application route. Dani’s story isn’t over yet, so you’ll definitely find out how life went for her.

They function as a community, one for all and all for their cause. People can do anything when they work together even create monsters and killers.

People who lead abusive lifestyles often see their behavior as normal. Hence arguments TO THIS DAY of “My mom beat me and I turned out fine” or “People are this way because they don’t get beat enough.” Contrary to the cases upon cases of research and information that hitting children only causes trauma. Now, generally - children of abuse do NOT turn out to be killers and horrible criminals. Some go on to be kind humans and productive members of society... But even those generally have to address the trauma that was caused by their toxic environments.

Inevitably we know the fate of the hospital but in the other stories we never hear of the other characters. I hope they get the help they need wherever they go.

I have stories plotted out for most of the ones that we know. It’s gonna be a moment to get to some of them, but I’ll try not to drop the ball, completely.

Stevie was angry with Bukowski for hurting his Bust it Baby- learning so much. I had to look that up. That is Cheri by every definition if not now then later. She is well on her way. That exchange was cute the way Cheri acted. 

Bust It Baby Pt 2 was ONE OF MY FAVES in the club. (Telling my age, now. LOL) But, THEY would have been teens/kids around that time, so I didn’t feel bad referencing that mug. Bwahahaha. Cheri DEFINITELY becomes all of that for Stevie. But, yeah - she was a little bashful about it being said in a group setting.

Even Tanisha had to tell him about himself with Stevie. It's like Stevie was punished for all the children, well Mary got to Stacey but Sam was golden. Some couples should not procreate. 

I think it took a while for Dwight to comprehend that just because Stacie and Sam ‘turned out okay,’ that didn’t MEAN that he had been blameless in helping to shape Stevie the way that he did. He never saw himself as having anything against Stevie, because he loved him as much as he did the others (or so he thought - he just wasn’t CLOSE to him). And Mama T was able to see that Dwight’s not being close to Stevie affected how he handled him, whether or not he did love him - which she believed and trusted that he did, but she needed him to get that STEVIE needed to believe and trust it.

This Entire Review: I Have a Lot of Responses, Love

Bukowski is blinded by crazy. Any half decent individual would see red flags. DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! What an idiot. Poetic justice would be if Tesla killed his awhen he drugged and kidnapped her or whatever his chosen crazy decides to do. I just don't see him living after he knocked on that door.

Unfortunately, Bukowski’s time is not yet up. But, he has definitely poked a bear by reaching out to Max. Stevie making deals in an institution with a demon eww. Stevie has his number already, is he blinded by the vajayjay?

Stevie is blinded by both the caviar and his inability to access, the way that he would like to. He’s a teenage boy trying to squeeze quickies in all day in between heavily monitored times. That argument between Stevie and Cheri was like imagining popcorn pop. You know the explosion is coming. When it does your like damned that's some Good popcorn! I kept saying Oh, and scrunching up my face like Stevie's next words are gonna get him smacked and then he did it. He said the ultimate, ONE word that is complete Taboo in anger no less. *SMACK* ! Round two lol!

Stevie often feels attacked when nobody is attacking him. I blame Dwight for this, because Stevie spent most of his life feeling like he had to explain and defend himself, to the point where his mentality is paranoid and he thinks that he has to fight whenever a conflict or challenge arises. Cheri is not a violent person, but whenever she gets angry (Teenage Cheerio) will lash out, because she’s in a position where she can’t just go to the spa or have a smoothie. She’s relaxed more later because she has the freedom to simply escape for a moment. Here, she’s a caged bird. Cheri is hella patient with him and I get it. I have had to explain blackness to other races, as if EVERY race and EVERY culture and EVERY class does not have their own innuendoes and humor. Even his Arian idiot family. Like the lady at work told my coworker with at straight face 'Don't all y'all like fried chicken? I said what did you do? My coworker said I took a deep breath and saidNo! And what you just said is considered racist. Of course she asked how? My coworker said she just walked away. I probably would have a. been patient and broke it down, or b. said ungh hungh just like all y'all like caviar and filet minion. Just would depend on my mood but Cheri is time enough for Stevie. Most of how she handles Stevie I agree with.

I don’t. It’s not my job to bear the burden of educating people who (if they gave a fuck) could access resources to educate themselves. I made those mistakes when I was younger, and that shit was nothing but additional emotional labor added to the constant processes I had to go through, throughout the day in my black ass skin. I watch racists getting beat up for being trash on YouTube all the time. That’s handling that I agree with.Lol. Now there is no way in hell any man would not take Derek's behavior as a challenge or threat. I felt like he was trying to purposely show Stevie he could reach Cheri in a way Stevie could not and do things with Cheri that Stevie could not just to put it in Stevie's face then try and hide behind a smile and laughter like he didn't have an agenda. Even if he doesn't like her like that he KNEW Cheri was with Stevie. He should have acted accordingly. I think Derek was trying to be sneaky. Yes Stevie is a jelly monster and he is territorial and possessive but that is Stevie. Like Mason calling Cheri Ri Ri then correcting himself in front of Stevie. Mason is not deliberately trying to poke the bear. He calms all that down in front of Stevie and Stevie eventually learns that Cheri has to have other friends. I don't think that was Derek's mind set, befriend Cheri and Stevie. He just liked having the attention sounds like from everyone, in a mental hospital. Stevie is not stupid. Cheri is a little Naïve I think, especially when she meets Max. To me she made a couple mistakes with that. Trust no one. Describe new people in addition to looking up tags. 

This is highly problematic, in my opinion, for many reasons, all of which - I’ll respectfully address. Firstly, any man or person in general that takes the friendship of someone else with their partner as a threat is toxic, and possibly abusive. Control and possessiveness are not key points of love. They are key points of obsession and obsession is almost always dangerous when it involves people as the object.

I don’t think that I wrote anything to indicate that Derek was in any way trying to challenge or compete with Stevie, so that feeling seems to be some internalized antiblackness or at the very least, sympathy for the devil - in this case, that’d be Stevie. Because HE was wrong and he reacted. There is nothing wrong with a black kid getting attention from people or trying to impress or please people, so I’m not sure why that would be considered poking the bear or purposefully trying to upset Stevie. 

They are ALL in the mental hospital, and while Stevie definitely isn’t STUPID, he certainly is psychotic. He’s not always right. Even his instincts are frequently off, at this juncture of his life and it isn’t the responsibility of a black boy, who is here for his own mental health to coddle Stevie and think about all the ways that he may or may not be offending him by being generally friendly to everyone around him, which is literally all Derek does in this chapter. I only wrote him making jokes and being jovial, up until the point that Stevie threatened him, out of paranoia, after being told multiple times that he shouldn’t bother with it.

And Cheerio is definitely naive, but that also doesn’t mean that she should have had all the answers as to why not to suspect everybody that she met. She did her part to try to keep herself safe, and of course, Max would have had avenues set up as to not tip her off. He’s been trained to deceive. Saying that she made some mistakes sounds a little bit victim blaming to me, especially considering that she followed the rules that were given to her, and whenever she was abducted, she was run off of the road and taken. She hadn’t met up with him in the woods, or something. 

She was extremely paranoid (affecting her mental state and her peace of mind), because of everything that they had told her and she had no way of knowing that someone who’s information came back clean was someone else. I feel like this must be stated - Max doesn’t just LOOK like Max Giardi when he greets her. He’s not going up to her looking like somebody that she could Google and she’s just put her thumb in her butt and calls it a coincidence. He’s tactical. He purposefully entered her world. He wouldn’t do it in a way that any normal person would notice that anything off, much less someone that he would presume has been told to look out for him.

Bonus Face Claim:

Ashlee Brian as Derek (Originally a dance crew member in “The End of Twerking” episode.

[sunjaesol]

Thoughts whilst watching 6x12

- I actually feel sorry for Theo. He has no one. He came back from the dead, was forced to help the pack, bonded with Liam, but then got neglected again. He does have a really fancy Jeep so idk how that worked out but okay.  - It’s the spiders again. Rats, bugs in wolves, spiders. Odd.  - Can someone try out Scott’s number and see what happens?  - Hunters?  - Oh, come on why you gotta shoot him? he just pulled a spider out of his back. - I wonder why Scott hallucinated. It has, as far as I remember, never happened before. Was it the shock that the bullet was Argent’s, thinking he’s killing the supernatural again with stronger, more dangerous weapons? Perhaps. Or it has something to do with the aftermath of the Wild Hunt. Liam can’t control himself sometimes, and Scott wolfed out in front of an entire squad of police officers.  - The Sheriff is just not impressed anymore lol. Like “wop, there I go again, attacked by something I don’t know the name of.”  - Also why is Malia running behind him? For Lydia, it’s logical, but Malia is a were-coyote. Use that super speed girl.  - Ugh, why are they all so pretty?  - Pack feels in the car ayyye.  - Liam and Mason are so cute, it’s all just parallels of Stiles and Scott.  - Those kids are so cute. I remember being hopeful in Freshmen Year that highschool would be awesome and full of dreams. (Spoiler Alert: it is filled with homework and tears) - “Go lacrosse!” “yay sports” I CAN’T XD - Bitch if he doesn’t make an appointment than you can’t force him.  - “Opportunities Multiply as They Are Seized.” True.  - lol and then Mason happily walking in nearly fangirling over his favourite peot or something.  - that knife though. threat from the argent’s?  - aw come on, why do the black people always get hurt here. First the black orderly, now him. He’s just fourteen, leave him alone.  - Thank the Gods that Parrish is finally useful. You were shit in season five and 6A. Thank the Gods for making him go and not Lydia.  - I want Lydia’s top.  - Please, Scott should’ve known from the beginning the passport was Allison. His own passport for everything in sophomore year was Allison.  - Oh and thank you Teen Wolf for not forgetting one of your greatest characters. Allison Argent will be forever missed. I really, fucking miss her.  - Malia’s humour is on point btw.  - So the name of the dead hellhound is Halwyn. Halwyn Hellhound, nice to meet you.  - So the white haired dude is a doctor ohhhhh. - bitch even if you do lock him up Parrish can still burn down the gate he’s literal fire.  - BRETT - Wait since when does Corey play lacrosse? And do girls still play in the team? Because you had Kira and then later on Gwen in 6A. Now it seems like there are none. CONSISTENCY, TEEN WOLF! - Liam hold your wolf in, please.  - Aye it’s that relative of Brett that I always forget the name of. No hard feelings, girlie.  - Keep it in, Liam.  - “That’s the IED I remember.” dude. not cool. wait, doesn’t Brett know that Liam is a werewolf? Isn’t Brett one himself? Or did I just read that in fanfiction? I’m so confused.  - oh yeah he knows nevermind.  - fuck he’s hot - well hello Samarah from The Ring.  - oh wait fuck is everyone dead?  - ah, a doctor is evil. what a surprise.  - Come on, Liam. Don’t lose it. Also, where is the black freshman?  - ayyyye Argent please don’t be the bad guy, thank you.  - he’s so not impressed I love him. Him and Melissa are also, clealry, not together, so why did they kiss in 6A if it had no meaning?  - Oh, Malia.  - “Bitch you think im getting out there? hell no.” MALIA I LOVE HER THIS SEASON SHELLEY IS DOING A WONDERFUL JOB.  - For a man like Argent, it’s odd he even used “Allison”, as hackers often opt first for things that are familiar to the ones they are wanting to hack. Like family names, pets, dates, et cetera.  - Fuck, man, he’s also part human. You’re a murderer. Well, he’s a hunter, actually. Now it’s just not an organised party, everyone is just killing. It’s basically season 4 only without the money.  - wop, guess Jordan will go in hibernation then.  - This woman fucking stayed at school for hours just to give him back that ball and threathen him or something. Jesus get a life.  - oh fuck you. using wolfsbane is a dick move. - Lydia fucking register for MIT odwn throw that away please. You have a little less than two hours so do something.  - I love her ring. Very minimalistic. (gets sudden thoughts of married stydia and starts crying. trash ophelia has arrived) - oh my God, Lydia, how much has Stiles influenced you. Like “Woopsie she caught me just pretend you’re really interested in this pack of post its yep totally not suspicious yep perfect perfect plan amazing awesome.” - Also her banshee powers are on point.  - Bitch he has never even terrified anyone. You have nothing to him personally but you’re acting like he did.  - oh sure just stick a pole in his body.  - “That’s incredible”, oh so now she’s a sadist, great.  - oh cry cry you bitch be fucking afraid. what a dumb bitch.  - no no no don’t go to the counsellor - How did Liam not smell blood? Or just the stench of a body? Anyway, good job Mason.  - Holy fucking shit. I get why the call it the most gory season yet. I’m fascinated though.  - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LYDIA STAY AWAY sTILES WOULD MURDER EVERYONE IF HE KNEW lYDIA WENT I ALONE;  - Her booties... I want them.  - nononononono don’t lock Lydia up, please let her go she doesn’t deserve this.  - great she’s probabaly having some sort of PTSD attack. great great great. -_- - LYDIA - Even though I’m still against Lydia being there, her having her warrior “overcoming fears” Mulan-esque moment is so badass and inspiring. I’m here for it.  - But you can’t just kill a hellhound. It should be a special kind of bullet. So, if the doctor puts a bullet against Parrish’ head, it shouldn’t kill him. Something’s off.  - YESSS LYDIA - Even though I don’t ship Parrish and Lydia, it’s like now they’re even. he saved her in Eichen, now she saved him. It’s cool :) - “I’m worried about you”, and in that moment, the whole scolia fandom died.  - Scott’s look though, I’m even shipping it. He’s probably thinking of kissing her and then snaps out of it.  - “cutesy looking down afraid of admitting feelings that have been developing since 3B” trope. - Scott’s smile - Yep. This is exactly how Stydia has been built up and I like it. I like Scolia. I’m here for it. -  awww, bonding over almost being killed many times. cute. -  cockblock!Argent - okay even I fangirled over that “Scott is looking while she isn’t”-look. That’s a parallel to this right here motherfuckers

- oh no they found the boy - wait, what was the flesh thing then?  - Wait but Liam hasn’t done anything to the pupils. Or have I forgotten something?  - oh fucking hell Gerard.  - ah, so Gerard is going to recruit a new batch of hunters, as the Argent’s basically stopped. 

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x06 Musings

My initial reaction to “Beyond the Wall”

Apparently this is the episode that is pulling the wool off of everyone’s eyes. Not the one where Sansa married Ramsay for revenge and got raped. Not the one where Shireen was burned alive because of flurries preventing Stannis from marching 20 feet. Not the one where Marg was arrested for perjury and threatened to be paraded naked except that was a fake-out and the king (unbeknownst to the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard) had formed an alliance with the Faith that didn’t already totally exist and therefore the largest army in the land was rendered useless or unwilling to free the heir of Highgarden…

You know I can keep going. I’ll take it, and yes, the teleportation was its most egregious because we KNOW how much time passed in-verse while the raven and dragons were traveling. But still, this isn’t a new level of bad, no more than Barbaro and Jessica Henwick teleporting onto a ship to murder their cousin—for justice!

Though on the other hand, there was almost nothing I could see as even being objectively enjoyable about this episode, other than one moment of some decent CGI. The battle itself was surprisingly short, and so obviously contrived that we couldn’t pretend it was a “stunning war theater” like we could last year, even if last year the context also made no goddamn sense.

Alright, time to stop delaying and actually talk about this, though of course I’ll point you to Jess’s fabulous review first if you haven’t already read it.

Winterhell

Jess breaks down the horror of Arya’s stupid Ned-slow-clapping-at-her-landing-a-bullseye story better than I can. Arya didn’t do what was required of girls growing up, and that was a source of frustration

But no, here she’s some third-wave feminist who realizes how bad the system is.

Speaking of that bad system, way to sew you dumb asshole, Sansa. What, do you think people need CLOTHES or something?

No seriously, I can’t take the toxically masculine assumptions about empowerment anymore. This entire thing is such a sexist premise, Arya shaming Sansa for navigating in a socially acceptable way

WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF SANSA’S ARC. SHE FIGURES OUT HOW TO WEAPONIZE THE SYSTEM TO HER BENEFIT AND DOES IT WITHOUT AROUSING THE SLIGHTEST SUSPICION

The letter thing is ridiculous too. Not even mentioning how Winterhell burned down so that’d probably be destroyed, this should not be that much of a conflict, nor should it have the potential to undo Sansa.

As Jess pointed out, Ned played along with the Lannisters too, because THAT’S WHAT YOU DO. Is he a traitor?

Then Sansa runs to Littlefinger even though we know she doesn’t trust him.

This is where the “they’re playing LF” honeypot stems from I think, but there’s no indication that Arya and Sansa aren’t reacting to each other alone, earnestly. Do they think Littlefinger planted some kind of audio bug on Sansa or something?

LF then brings up Brienne, which is followed by the scene of Sansa ordering Brienne to Cheryl’s Landing on her behalf for the already-scheduled meeting (even though Operation Bag-A-Wight is still going on), and being an asshole about it

The only sense I can make of this is that LF wants Brienne dead, or Arya dead, and is trying to urge a fight between them since we know they enjoy that? Which I guess would just help narrow down the field of non-LF allies to Sansa

Then *maybe* Sansa is sending Brienne away for her own protection, a la through rocks in Nymeria’s face??

Except there’s NO INDICATION OF THIS. Sansa’s rationale for why she’s sending a proxy to Cheryl’s Landing checks out, especially given Jon being MIA for the North (lol)

To cap off the game of “let’s hate each other to fuck with LF in private” Sansa then finds Arya’s messenger bag of Halloween masks

and no, sorry, Sansa’s terror is played as genuine, and thank the gods she gets yet another abuser, this time a member of her family! Yay!!

SPOILER (if anyone cares) I’m starting to wonder if Sansa orders Arya to execute LF next week just to buy herself a little trust from her horrible sister, and not because they actually figure anything out

Just all around bad bad bad. Fuck sisterly affection. They were different and hated each other growing up, so therefore they’ll be antagonistic towards each other after reuniting, trauma and shared grief be damned

That said, I feel like Sansa listens to UBS. Yes! She is the reason they have the North! She shouldn’t march her face into Cheryl’s Landing! She should have her interests represented! Correct!

Bo had the above take. This killed me. I want the Bunny Hood next week.

Dragonstone

They’re playing a weird game of having to deal with all of Tyrion’s plans turning to shit, and yet also having to keep him the golden boy. It’s not really working

Is Deadpan supposed to be getting paranoid like Aerys now? But then she’s later portrayed as a straight-up Good Guy Hero later, so I have confusion

This conversation goes literally nowhere, and frankly…yeah, why bother dealing with the line of succession now? She holds Dragonstone and no one even wanted it. And Daario’s probably doing fine in Meereen

This could have been a good exploration into her sorrow over being the last Targ…sorta? Like, her just not wanting to deal with it. But the show has never dealt with it before, so it doesn’t really come across as anything rooted in characterization

Me too, Deadpan.

Beyond the Wall

My brain was unable to focus on half these conversations, so I’m going to go back and rewatch before podcasting. Like. It was all walking and talking.

Not even in the good way. In the fic-ask-prompt kind of way. “Jon and Beric in a coffee shop, go!”

To highlight I guess

Jon & Jorah: Jon offers Jorah Longclaw because being an exiled slaver was hard on him. Glad this never came up with Lyanna, the actual heir of the house

Tormond makes a bawdy joke about raping Gendry because sex is a good way to keep warm. Male victimization is a hoot

Gendry gets mad at the Brotherhood without Banners for literally selling him and almost killing him, but Sandor tells him to stop “winging” because his complaints about being sexually assaulted by Mel “could be worse”

The Hound & Tormond chat about nicknames for penises before Tormond #nohomos and talks about how hot Brienne is

Jon & Beric have both been dead, what’s up with that? Also Jon quotes his Night’s Watch vows that he broke to gain inspiration from then, and Beric says he doesn’t look like Ned. Uh…

Jorah thinks Thoros was AWESOME for the Pyke battle

Then a bear attacks and I’m put out of my misery. A wight bear. Whatever

Who the fuck are these red shirts?

Thoros almost dies, but doesn’t die, but then he dies overnight, so…okay.

The wights walk in an orderly single file.

We learn a new contrivance: wights all fall if the white walker that personally res’d them is killed. There’s so many ways this doesn’t work with what we’ve seen, not the least of which that there was ONE WIGHT who was still squirming around

A whole lot of effort for convincing Cheryl, btw, who has essentially no army at this point

Then the other wights hear this wight’s struggle? And Jon tells Gendry who has never seen snow before that he’s the fastest runner (how does he know this) and has to go send a bird to Deadpan to help them out

this is baldly ridiculous. Their only shot is if they all try to book it

Then they run across cracking ice to a little rock, and then are shielded from wights because of…cracked ice

DEAD THINGS IN THE WATER

Also, dead things go through the water later in the episode

In-verse time: Gendry runs towards Eastwatch as the sun is setting and gets there around dusk. Jon & Co. wait out one night and the attack begins when the sun is still shining. I’m putting this at about 22 hours passing. A low-ball could be 14.

Raven gets to Dragonstone, Dany flies beyond the Wall and bails them out

The battle itself was underwhelming, I thought. Just smashing random skeletons who now die with any weapon (what about FIRE like we learned in Season 1?)

Viserion’s death looked cool, and the sinking into the puddle reminded me of King Dodongo. Dunno if that’s a good thing or not, but there you have it.

However, why did Shogun aim for the far away flying dragon and not Drogon who was RIGHT THERE and full of the people trying to get away?

He literally had his buddy ready his javelin for him

Jon falling into a puddle was…what? Why did this happen? Was this for closure for Uncle Benjen? Was this so we could have a dramatic moment of Deadpan thinking he died? Was this just to have a reason for a shirtless Jon on the boat so she could see his stab wounds? What did this add??

Then the res’d Viserion was kind of cooler in concept than seeing it happen. Oh wow, let’s focus on his eye I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Lol at the metal working wights with their big ass chains. Can they make mini-Needle necklaces for everyone too?

Also very not reading into any of this being from the books. I could see this happening in a way, I guess? But this context, especially with a javelin-throwing Night’s King can’t be the case.

I don’t even… At least the critical reviews are pouring in. This deserved it. So did the past three years’ worth of episodes, but still.

Top 3 Nitpicks (not glaring, gaping errors)

The invitation to a meeting in KL that couldn’t have been arranged yet

The clothing! No one was wearing a hood? Deadpan was traveling faster than a jet without ear warmers?

Jon not being dead of hypothermia (or his managing to climb out at all with his sodden furs and heavy boots)

[drv3imagines]

I believe the spelling you are looking for is “eczema”~ And I know exactly what your talking about for both~ (Thnx for the descriptions on both, it saves me time from having to do it myself…laaaazzzyy mod lol…note: I’ve only experienced asthma attacks? I didn’t know you could also experience breathing problems too, thank you once again anon for clarity…[I won’t implement the attacks since it is technically not what you asked for ;) ]) Also it’s okay that you’re detailed, I don’t mind at all:3. I think…I’m gonna tackle each condition in an orderly fashion rather than squeeshing them into one bullet point…I think you’ll see in a moment…

Rantaro Amami * “Super High School Level ???”, what’s that? * More like Super High School Level (scarily) Prepared, amirite? * Plus he’s a tall boi, so your height isn’t really going to bother him much, but he may poke fun a few times, just cuz~ * Amami has an emergency set of your medications at his house specifically for when you visit, and always has them handy for when you go out on dates and you forget yours. * Oh, is your skin irritating you? He’s got your cream. * Need your inhaler? * He’s probably has three different sets juuuuussssttt in case. * It doesn’t bother him much and nothing totally changes about your relationship.

Korekiyo Shinguuji * (Prepare to cringe…) * Such magnificent and gracious beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, s/o~ * It is a blessing to be in a loving relationship with someone of his height, or rather a curse…since he won’t will himself to watch you struggle…maybe he should sometime, it would be interesting to see how far you’ll go to reach such troubling heights. * Has your skin caused you irritability beyond tolerance? * Worry not, fair s/o, Korekiyo knows many remedies to alleviate your pain. * Listening to your rhythmic breathing has completely overwhelmed him with such incomprehensible euphoria that he cannot refrain from embracing you in the most intimate way possible without hindering your wonderous- * (*Mod Tojo wheezing and begging for mercy in the background*) * I’m sure you get it at this point, hopefully… * He couldn’t be happier to take care of you…and drown you in a sea of compliments…

Kaito Momota * Literally best boi at this~ * It’s already a part of his nature to help you out when your height causes you problems, I mean, he is usually the tallest of his friends so this is normal… * But he knows the importance of caring for your health. * Probably learned a thing or two from astronaut training, and is more than glad to teach you what the Great Kaito knows. * Your local pharmacy is suddenly out of stock for you specific creams. * But it was all there yesterday??? * The next time you visit space boi, he shows you his new collection of eczema cream…which would explain why the pharmacy was out. * It was a little unnecessary but it was sweet of him to go through such great lengths to make sure you had what you needed. * For your asthma, he only notices when you are a struggling to breathe. * Otherwise, he’s not put off by “mouth-breathing”.

Kokichi Ouma * Nishishishishi~ S/o got the “short” end of the stick, huh? * It’s not good to have a “short” temper, s/o~ * (I thought of something cruel, but I’ll put that in the tags because it’s reaaaaaaaalllllyyy mean) * Anyway, expect him to poke fun at your height…like 99.9% of the time. * But when it comes to your health? * Nothing really changes. * Granted he does take real good care of his s/o, but that does not mean you are immune to his jokes or pranks (save for ones that can cause you to have flares or asthma attacks).

Shuuichi Saihara * Shuuichi is very perceptive of all of your needs (duh Mod Tojo, Super High School Level Detective). * But shy boi tries waaaaaaaay harder than he needs to. * He practically wears himself out, and it’s not even necessary??? * Are you doing fine? * Do you want me to reapply your medicine? * Do you need your inhaler? * ARE YOU HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK??? * ^^;;; * After a while he’s super comfortable and more knowledgeable on taking care of you. * He already knows when your flares are likely to happen, he’s noted some environments and stressors that could cause it, and has your inhaler at his side in case you start to hyperventilate. * Of course, he’s still a teensy but worried when you show the slightest signs of discomfort, because he thinks he didn’t do a good job at detecting what’s wrong.

Kiibo * He had no clue humans suffered from multiple problems at once! * …Well, it does make sense…he’s suffered multiple malfunctions as a result of a virus…is that the same thing? * …^^;;;;;; No…it’s not… * After a quick search he kind of has a better understanding. * It’s sad to hear that you’re uncomfortable because of it, but Kiibo is on the job! * He will do anything he can to help his beloved~ * He constantly checks up on you to make sure you’re okay, he just can’t help it, the Internet never lies, and it says consistency is very important! * he’s so adorkable

Gonta Gokuhara * It is his duty as a gentleman to provide for you in every way possible. * It’s easy to help you with your height problem (if you consider it an issue) because bug boi is hecka tall. * But what’s eczema? And how does Gonta help his s/o breathe comfortably? * Does Gonta have to do CPR? * ^^;; * *montage of you teaching Gonta about your conditions* * Oooohhh… * Now that he knows about what’s going on, he goes through great lengths to provide you the best comfort in life. * He’s more than willing to help you apply your cream. * And expect to go hiking, like a lot…it’s good to have fresh natural air to help clear your airways, but don’t worry Gonta is a perfect gentleman and will carry you so you can save your energy for bug scoping.

Ryoma Hoshi * Hmmm…how’s this gonna work? * You’re both short… * You two will figure it out I’m sure~ * On the plus side, he’ll never have to worry about really having to struggle to reach things on the waaaaaay top shelf, because you’re too short to reach it anyway. * He doesn’t know much about your asthma or eczema though, so you’ll have to train him for emergencies. * But he has 0 issues with providing proper care for you. * He low key loves it, because his height makes it difficult for him to perform extravagant luxuries for you…like reaching things on high shelves…

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces - February 17- March 10 2020 (With Energetic Support and Tips)

Hi all, how are you all doing? Sorry I wasn’t able to post anything when the Rx started, well, let’s just say it’s an effect, both in physical (devices) and non-physical (I got drowned in emotional purging and all that stuff, as usual lol). But then again, that’s what happens when there isn’t much preparation for mercury retrogrades. 

And what’s even more WONDERFUL is that for this year, ALL of the mercury retrogrades are in WATER SIGNS. Surprise, surprise. 

Here are the dates:

In Pisces: Feb 17- Mar 10

In Cancer: June 19- July 11

In Scorpio: Oct 16-Nov 2

So what does this mean for us? Well, it depends actually on your priorities, or what your Soul needs to do. If you’re able to read your own natal chart I think you can have an idea on what you need to do to ensure that you’re doing what your Higher Self needs you to clear or what. 

Well, like what?

For example, old projects, ideas, memories, old and stale relationships, family karma (If you’re reading this you’re probably the Family Karma carrier, so yeah, hugs to you, we’re on the same boat. We can clear that though, just believe). Basically we make CLOSURE on all of these things. Or finish what needs to be finished. Even if that’s just cleaning your closet, laundry, or house because that moves energy and allows the good Chi/Qi to flow into your space. That may sound woo-woo but seriously, after crying and getting suuuuuper tired after cleaning, doesn’t it feel good SEEING EVERYTHING CLEANED AND ORDERLY? That’s already good Qi right there, my friend. I have no Virgo in my chart, but in my chart where I have all water signs (which sorta affects me a bit more during this retrograde, aside from my Gemini sun) I still think despite crying and getting tired I feel like I have accomplished something when I see one corner of my place cleaned. Even more so whenever I feel depressive. If you can relate to that, yeah I feel you, fam.

Apart from cleaning and finishing and making closure on things, hey, it’s not a bad idea to also have some fun every now and then, I mean, I do mention a lot that in this journey of awakening, and emotional and karmic purging and shadow work, it is important to feel all emotions, and I mean ALL. Which means that to find balance, especially when you’re stuck in a sad rut, it’s OK to feel bad, but it’s even more OK-er to do everything in your power to be happy.

Yes, happiness is something you make, it’s not a by-product. It’s like love, it’s not an adjective, or a noun, it’s a freaking VERB. It’s something you act upon, or act into. You do it, basically. 

But hooooooowww?

Don’t worry fam, again I got you covered on that.

If you need tips on HOW to make room for happiness, here’s a short list:

Pet your pet. Whatever that pet is. I have cacti, a California reaper seedling, dogs, and even pet rocks aka my crystals. I pet them all and for some weird reason the energy moves. Try it, even if it’s a pet rock. For at least 2 minutes. Feel the energy lifting and clearing up. Do more as needed.

Drink water. The most beneficial mineral-rich and cleanest you can. Please for the love of glob don’t drink 100% water AKA Nuclease-free water AKA Deionized water unless you want to suffer so much before greeting Death. That just sucks. I mean, we’re all infinite beings so no matter how much you do your best to leave the physical plane you’ll get bumped into elsewhere and that might be suckier than now. I had a feeling that I did that in a past life so now it’s even more suckier so might as well clear my entire being in this lifetime so I can go back to source for good. Yeah now you know my lifeplan lol

I don’t preach eating ONLY fruits and vegetables. I advocate BALANCED DIET. And eating JUNK every now and then. I just make sure to eat MORE of the good stuff (which is actually easy for me because in this part of the world, poor people eat veggies and the rich people eat meat so as I try to shift my mindset into an abundance mindset I still eat vegetables from my garden or what.) Remember this disclaimer: IF some spiritual gurus shame you from you eating some form of junk that they say is bad BUT you actually eat just whatever you want AND YOU ACTUALLY FEEL GREAT from eating what you crave despite what others say, it just means that your body is calibrated to function at a different level. If you need more tips on that, hit me up with a comment or like and I will make that information available for you. =)

Make other people happy with no expectations of getting something from them back. TAKE NOTE: I say FROM THEM, because the universe can handle and send the rewards for you. No matter how tiny that would be. Honestly me sharing this post right now, or even as I type this without any expectations that people will even like or read this, I feel happy already, and looking forward to what the universe would bring.

Meditate, in all ways, shapes or forms. Choose your adventure, because at times active meditation can help you move energies, going Yang on feeling great, and at times inactive meditation like undergoing altered states and doing it Yin style can give you a lot of insights. Again, if we are to dismantle the DUALISTIC nature of things to move past that, we can start by accepting that there is no ONE thing to do anything. As the old saying goes: There is more than one way to skin a rat. And as a person who worked in research for more than 10 year, I can attest that this is true.

Do creative stuff, however your skills are in that activity. Whether you’re sucky at it or a really good one at it, just do it. Especially when you haven’t done anything creative in the past years, or even your life. Sing, dance, draw, make poems or fanfics, whatever floats your boat. Keep at it until the dense energies move, and feel the nice and feel-good Qi flow to you. Being a dumbass at it will all be worth it. Besides, if you really want to find some purpose while you’re feeling heavy, do your best mastering that chosen activity. If you’re reading this right now and this helped you in any way, tag me with your output. I’ll wait. =)

Grow and keep something alive. Be it an animal, a plant, or a rogue mushroom or that weird slimy thing in your kimchi bottle, help something stay alive. You can be as attached and hands-on as you want, or as minimalistic and detached as you want. I just send Reiki to my plants and dogs and aside from petting and feeding them I just leave them alone. It kills the destructive thought patterns, helps the energies move through my body, and weirdly gives me insight on what I need to do and clear.

Among all the stuff I have written here, I didn’t mention anything about binge-watching anything, or looking at the feeds or posts of other people. Simple trick to improve your happiness level: Just focus on yourself, keep other people away from you while you work on yourself. Once you’ve raised your happiness levels to a maximum, then sure, look at the achievements of other people. If you feel happy at other people’s happiness, it means that you’ve reached that level. Otherwise, go back to your cave and work on your happiness some more.

Of course, this works mostly for introverts who like to turn inward to solve things and reenergize through their own efforts, but if you’re an extrovert who thrives on other people’s energy sorry I can’t give any sound suggestions. Maybe find some friends to hang out with and be happy with? No pity parties, or maybe you can host a pity party but remember to end that with a happy high note. So you can sleep happy and wake up refreshed.

I also didn’t mention getting high on drugs or getting low through getting drunk. Those aren’t exactly options I offer, because those just keep people in a destructive spiral of finding the low-vibrational or temporary form of happiness and if you’re thinking that those are the best options to be happy, well, WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. Also you might have some problems, please talk to a counselor, a trained and certified mental health professional, an elder or a mentor you trust, life coaches or energetic healers (ahem, ahem), or if you’re brave enough like everyone who’s in this journey, well, do it at your own pace and own way. Not the best option but for someone who has no other options other than leaving this planet, for me that was what made me want to live a bit longer, 3 years and counting. Of course, leaving abruptly is still on the table but right now I am just exhausting all options until I find that breakthrough, I mean, that’s still a thing for me so I just respect it looming above my head, but also at the same time do my best to swim in this mudflow of life.

Well that escalated quickly. But at least I am not sugarcoating my message. I strive to be honest and authentic, because it’s already 2020, lies and pretending to be what I am not aren’t hot now. Truth and honesty are the new soul handbags lol what kind of analogy is that even. Zero regrets though.

So before I log out, here’s a photo infused with energy to help you navigate the Mercury Retrograde energies, as energetic support:

Yeah it’s Pisces season I think a photo of a disc or a flowerhorn is fitting. Honestly I don’t know what it is, I think the owner mislabed it flowerhorn but that’s just my opinion lol

I hope this post served you well, I will come back on Sunday for the Piscean Full moon post to give more energetic support and other insights that I might get from the universe and Source. 

Despite what happens right now, whether it’s happy for you or sad, always remember:

All these too, shall pass.

So just enjoy the RIDE.

Love and hugs from Source Above,

Mikazuki

PS: Hey, do you feel generous because the information I shared have so much value for you? Don’t fret, you can share energetic exchanges here! Any amount from the heart is welcome. Thank you!