#i wish theyd send me home already

[nekopuff]

I don't wanna be at work anymore :(

[petewentzisblack1312]

hey dils!! was listening to sunshine riptide and thought of u so i wanted to say i hope ur taking care and also ask if u have any favorite fob videos/interviews?? lately i have been obsessed w the promo video patrick did for the honda civic tour where he drove around LA and said the only reason they got the tour was because he already drove a civic ahsjdbd

first of all it is SO flattering that listening to sunshine riptide made you think of me 🥺

secondly i was molded out of clay to answer this question, 100% i have a lot that i think about like way too often

the one where petes giving a tour of his parents house where he lived at the time and was showing off his stuff and was particularly very excited about the fact that his band was turned into action figures and then half way through andy shows up and is like "were best friends forever!" and petes like "yeah andy comes over for sleepovers a lot, we hang out in my basement and make zines and stuff" and then at the end he gets all excited cuz he hears his moms car pull up and he goes out and shes coming out of the car and then patrick gets out of the car carrying groceries and petes like "here mom me and patrick can put the groceries away you finish the interview" and shes like "no- pete i just got home from work im a mess" and hes like "what? no! no mom you look great, you can finish the interview well take in the groceries" and then she did and the camera crew came back to the two of them messing around and putting groceries away.

"pete wentz is honestly the only way to describe pete wentz. hes the most complicated guy i know." [cut to] "if anyone can make a strike without touching the lane i will pay you $300" *throws bowling balls straight into the air* *runs down the lane*

ok but in all seriousness i love that interview not only for that iconic moment but because later the footage is like blaring i dont care and pete goes and grabs a stuffed giraffe out of the prize thingie and hes like "what do you mean :)? we bought this with our tickets!!" and the editors are very much trying to make it a bad boy rebel without a cause moment except if you looked the woman behind the counter had a smile on her face and was laughing and then afterwards he gave it back and said "we werent really gonna steal it" but it really seemed like she knew that already

and then at a different point a couple fans showed up and they were all shy and excited to meet him and he was just like "hey are you guys coming to the show later" and they were like "yeah" and he was like "cool! thanks for coming out :) do you want a picture?" and they took a picture and it seemed like he was still kinda excited that people were excited to meet him. marcus (their bodyguard) was like trailing behind him and smiling and laughing throughout most of these antics and i just think thats sweet.

later in this same interview once again as they were on the ride back to their hotel or whatever theyd brought back a fake moustache and patrick put it on and did a bunch of dumb impressions.

patrick: if i wasnt doing music i think id be like a music critic or music journalist or something

andy:...i thought you said youd work at walmart

theres this one srar era interview thats just joe and patrick riffing for like 15 minutes. like it looks like they just straight up forgot the interviewer was there its so funny theyre such good friends.

this one joe and pete interview where i dont even really remember what they were talking about but theres a moment where joes talking about music with this intense passion and pete just kinda looks at him with this level of brotherly pride that keeps me going

this one andy and pete interview where 1) there were waterfowl chillin behind them which was deeply fascinating to andy and 2) they took a moment to swivel their chairs and hug each other bc theyre besties

band superlatives, specifically the moment where theyre all separately like "technically marcus isnt in the band but like. its marcus." bc that was sweet, unofficial 5th member of fob. and also "whos the most talented" "patrick. patrick. its patrick, hands down." "hm. petes like a really good soccer player" like thats a moment out of a fucking sitcom

halloween asmr with pete wentz. the man cant act but god can he commit to a bit.

there was this like live text chat that they all were in with fans on some radio station website. there were a lot of very fun moments, including joe saying "this is very current technology." as a comment on how very dated the live chat was and andy being like "can we set an icon i wanna change mine to an XVX" and pete and joe being like "oh are you vegan straight edge? we had no idea." and then pete was like "actually i wanna change my icon to andy hurley" and andy was like "no pete im not gonna send you a picture of me" and he was like :( and then a minute later he changed it to andy and he was like, and i swear this is almost a direct quote "BOOM! i love my life haha" and andy was like "goddammit" like i have no idea where to find this but it was so good.

theres this one "this or that" interview with joe and andy wherein the interviewer was a woman and like she seemed pretty at ease around them and got to the last question and imo seemed kinda uncomfortable and kind of established (in a way that seemed like she didnt usually do that) that it was a gross question, which was "would you have sex with a super hot celebrity but shes just died" and both of them were like "hey. what the fuck. absolutely not." and shes like "oh thats a first" and they are both like "do people say yes to that????????" and shes like "youre literally the first people to say no haha" in a way that made it seem that she did not find it funny and i just find that to be an interesting moment and i hope shes doing well and has a better producer now.

theres this one interview w andy on a hardcore podcast where the interviewer asks andy "do you every wish fall out boy were more political?" and he said (paraphrasing) "fall out boy is political, in its own way. we may not be as explicit with our politics as my other stuff, but kids find fall out boy, and through me, with all my other bands, or through joe, since he does a lot of metal, find heavier stuff, and are introduced to this stuff and to being vegan straight edge or anarchist or just more radical politics, and i dont think that just because we arent being super political in our music we arent a political band" which was really something to me bc i had just been thinking about that as a concept i call "gateway punk"

theres this one interview i recently found of a very small chicago music news outlet where a young lady interviewed pete and asked far more interesting questions than any other interviewer id ever seen and one such question was how he felt about the legalization of marijuana in illinois and he said that it was cool that it was legal but everyone locked up for it right now should be released and i like that he got to be political

theres a moment on the badass jew podcast episode joe was on where the interviewer whomst i do not recall was espousing some veiled antiblack sentiments wrt some antisemitic comments some famous black people had made and joe just completely rebutted it immediately and pointed out that black people not only are not a monolith bht are at a greater disadvantage

and also he made a joke that i could never make and cant fully get bc im not jewish but it was very funny and i love hearing people make jokes that arent for me.

this one interview before patrick had kids where he was saying how everyone kept asking him and elisa when theyd have kids and he was like "you cant just make that happen yknow? how do you just do that?" and pete immediately grinned and leaned over and mock whispered "you have sex" and patrick punched the air and was like "i hate you so much"

that one interview about abap where pete was like "we actually got the guy who did the whistles on patience by guns n roses to do it on this" and then he looks over at patrick and patrick shakes his head and petes like "you couldnt let me have this?" and he was like "i was gonna but then you looked at me and i just couldnt."

"whats the most important thing to you right now?"

patrick: star wars

joe: my daughter.

patrick: ...my son?

the puppy interview. everyone involved including the puppies was having the time of their goddamn life.

i have to stop this is too much its been like an hour

[wafflesetc]

Bonnie Wee Thing

@thelassthatisgone​ messaged me this: “I NEED A MISSING MOMENTS WHERE JAMIE THINKS OF HOW IT WOULDVE BEEN IF THEYD RAISED BREE AND FAITH TOGETHER!! Ahh!!!!! All his looks to Claire when she was holding the baby this episode 😭”

A/N: Canon Compliant within 5x04. I am going to just go ahead and give a warning to mentions of “Faith” and some of the things that happen in that episode. I just want to ensure people are in their right set of mind if they need to be. Happy reading!

& to @missclairebelle, @kkruml, @happytoobserve, @walkinginland and @ecampbellsoup who quite literally held my hand through this fic, I owe you all a dram!

I watched him from across the room. My husband was quiet, more so than usual. While we had talked about matters of the heart just shortly before, his silence felt like the two hundred year separation we had already once endured.

We had sent Alicia and Isaiah off to what was supposed to be our tent that night since we had been offered a room. Tucked back and away from all the chaos, it would allow the couple a few hours of rest and seclusion (ourselves included) until dawn broke. Once the sun rose, I would be leaving with Roger to go back to Fraser’s Ridge. 

I already yearned for Jamie- and it always shocked me when I missed him like this. I had once been independent, willing and able to live (more like survive) on my own. I had done it to raise our daughter, but since I had returned, since Bree had returned to us, the mere thought of going any amount of time without my husband always made me feel uneasy.

It was the idea of not waking with his body aligned with mine, his hands running down my back the minute I first crawl into bed, the way he never fell asleep without kissing me goodnight or leaving my bed at daybreak without kissing me good morning. While I would miss those things, it was more the capacity James Fraser had for knowing what lay within my innermost being I would miss most. 

He stood with his face to the fire, his mind on what I could only presume was the two lovebirds we were helping.

I sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the string on my shift. Our conversation in the forest had lit me like a match ready to ignite a fire, and now that we were alone, I wanted my husband. 

Our love making was always just more than making love; it was the way our souls connected and said those things which we dare not speak aloud. There was a Faith-sized ocean between us while we had talked about Bree and Bonnie. I wanted (no needed to show him) to tell him just how much I had meant what I said. Slowly undoing the tie, I mustered some courage, “A penny for your thoughts?”

He turned to look at me and gave me a look that made me weak in the knees. I shivered as I registered his face. I could see the want, the desire, the smoldering need to possess me, yet there was a hint of some point he had left unsaid that hung in the air between us. 

“Yer hair is down, Sassenach.” I could hear a small hint of playfulness in his tone.

“I know.” I took one of my medusa like curls and twirled it in between my fingers.  

“Ye ken that is no’ playing fair.” He took a step towards me as he undid his belt and tossed it onto the chair. 

“Mmmhmmm.” I stuck my finger out and motioned him towards me. “Come here.”

“Ye look like ye are undressing me wi’ yer eyes.” Jamie smiled as he unbuttoned his jacket-slowly and methodically, one by one. 

I eyed him up and down, not even trying to hide it. “I told you, my husband is as handsome as he is jealous.” I cocked my head at him ruefully. 

“What do ye think yer husband will have to say about that?”  Finishing undoing the last button, he slid out of his jacket and tossed it on the floor next to the bed. Next, his hands found way to the button on his pants. With the same prowl and methodology of his jacket, he sought to torture me. 

My breathing quickened as I watched him intently. His large hands shimmied his breeks down his well-defined legs. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who had been lit with a fire earlier, and I was ready to ignite a flame. We both were.  I could sense the same eagerness radiating off of Jamie, yet there was a small hint of reserve inhabiting him too. 

I looked up when his feet were within my field of vision and saw an honesty on his face that made me want to cry.

He got onto his knees right in front of me, intertwining my hands with his. I could feel the silver of my ring being twisted within his fingers. He was so beautiful, and somehow by the grace of some deity, he was mine. 

“There is more you want to say,” I said rather meekly.

“Och, Sassenach.” He nearly whispered, pulling my hands to his lips. His breath was soft and warm, his stubble just the perfect length to send the chills up my back. “More a wee regret.” 

I took my left hand and cradled his jaw and tilted his head up so our eyes were meeting. I could see the film of tears rising above his ocean-blue eyes.

“Faith.” I somehow got out breathlessly. Somehow, I knew his thoughts before he spoke them.

“I saw ye wi’ Bonnie and couldna help but think of her, Sassenach. I see Bree getting married, giving us wee Jemmy, bringing Roger Mac into our lives. We have Fergus- who gave us Marsali and Germain and wee Joan, and another bairn to come. He may no’ be of our blood, but he is of our hearts….”  

The tears I had felt were streaming down my cheeks now. I used the hand still cradling his face and wiped his tears. 

“Ye said ye regret we werena parents together, but Claire do ye really no’ see it?” 

I shook my head. 

“We...” His voice cracked, “Are enjoying all these things that I never thought I’d live to see. All these things I didna think I’d get to do, wi’ you.”

He took another breath and closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. 

“I didna get the years wi’ ye and I am only a man, so I regret that our bairns did no’ get to live a life where we were together. I didna get to see ye wi’ our girls, the late nights, or see ye nurse them. Ye raised our child on your own and I dinna think I can ever repay ye for it. But, Claire” He said my name in that Highlander way that made it his own, “I dinna regret it because I get to do all these other things wi’ ye now. I can only wish she were here for it all, too.” 

He was still kneeling before me, the weight of his body supported by my own being. It hit me like a tidal wave. 

The grief. 

The sense of loss. 

The sense of confusion. 

The agony. 

He had once kneeled before me like this, when I had given him the news of what had happened to our first born. Yet now, the grief and the loss were there, but a distant memory that was wrapped in a sense of warmth. The confusion and the agony would always remain- all the things we knew we’d miss with her- yet we carried her within us, everywhere we went.   

“I know.” It was the only thing I could say because like so many times before, when it came to matters of my soul, I never knew what to say. 

I titled his head up to mine and reached for the hem of his shirt. Our lovemaking was always more than just our bodies becoming one, it was a conversation between our souls for the things we didn’t know how to say to each other. Suddenly, we were just as we’d always been- a Scot and a Sassenach- a home found not within four walls but with a person.

As he stood and pushed my shift down my shoulders, I knew in that moment with all the heartache, turmoil, and pain- I’d do it again, just for one more night with him.

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[letsperaltiago]

I give up, I'm in love crying out to you |Jake x Amy|

So this is the post ”Yippie Kayak” fic I talked about! And honestly... I’m not super happy with how it turned out, compared to what I had in mind, but... I hope someone out there will enjoy it. Maybe

xx!

word count: 2.8k

The red and blue lights coming from the remaining police cars reflected back off his slightly pale face as he started the car, carefully driving away from the surrounded Goodwin’s before turning down the main street. Since Jake had quickly been pulled away from her to get checked by a paramedic as soon as they pulled back from their passionate reunion kiss, neither of them had gotten to say much to the other after Jake escaped the hostage situation. He’d quickly shrugged off his leather coat then hoodie before giving her the latter before he was pulled aside. Since then Amy had spent the time checking up on Gina and Charles, secretly feeling unsettled and almost burdened even though Jake was clearly safe and sound. Why?

So she wondered still as they quietly drove off and away from the chaos. It was just the two of them in Jake’s car. Maybe she didn’t say anything but on the inside Amy felt like screaming and crying, almost like she wanted to speak out but some unknown force pushed the words back down her throat. More than anything she didn’t want him to notice, because then he’d worry and he was the last person who should worry about someone else. He’d just been beaten by robbers and held hostage, for God’s sake! Although it probably didn’t help keeping her messy state of mind secret that she uneasily, shuffling in her seat, kept looking back and forth between the bypassing streets and his focused, slightly bruised face. Either his mind was somewhere else, which was completely understandable, or he chose to bite his tongue and not comment on it.

“Should I drop you off at home?” After such a long silence, his voice almost startled her, causing Amy’s head to quickly whip away from the window and in his direction instead like a deer caught in headlights. They usually slept at her place, almost everyday besides a few times a week whenever one or both needed a bit of me-time, so this caught the young woman a bit off guard. Did he ask because he wanted to drop her off and go home alone? Or was he just being polite? During the 7 months they’d been together, Amy had never turned to overthinking like this and it scared her. Jake would never have ulterior motives when it come to her - or anyone else, for that matter. What was wrong with her?

“Ames?” Without taking his eyes off the road for too long he allowed himself to take a quick glance of her, obviously confused by the lack of response he got from his otherwise always very clear and palpable girlfriend.

“Oh, sorry. I just-“ she bit her lip, silencing herself with her thinking. Honestly she wanted nothing more but to tell him no. No, she didn’t want him to just drop her off and act like nothing had happened. Actually the very last thing she wanted after coming so close to losing him was to go home alone - without him. Then she remembered that her bag (having held clean, warm clothes) from the polar swim and stinky, soaked jacket was still in his trunk, and last-mentioned item probably needed a good wash. She also did happen to have a full day of Christmas celebration with her enormous family waiting for her tomorrow on the 25th, so… Though every signal within herself told her that she didn’t want to, that it was wrong, it probably would be easier to just go home and get the last chores crossed off her mental list.

“Uhm, yeah. My place is fine.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could sense a nod, immediately sending her heart crashing into her gut. First the polar swim, then the hostage situation and now this? What a shitty Christmas eve. 10 minutes of silence later, he pulled over in front her apartment building and turned off the engine. Neither of them seemed to be able to break that eyes, staring straight ahead out the front window with stiff postures and mingled thoughts.

“So we’re here,” Amy finally mumbled, slowly and almost unwillingly reaching for the door handle.

Jake turned in his seat, scanning her up and down with his tired, yet always so gentle eyes.

Words were burning in her throat, making it feel like a muddy mixture of feelings and tears balling up in trachea. It was pure agony and it just wasn’t worth it, when she was with this wonderful man who’d never laugh at or dismiss anything she said. She needed to calm down and trust him.

“Would you mind coming upstairs with me? Just for a second,” she finally managed to almost gurgle out and finally looking back at him.

“No, of course not.” He smiled weakly, pausing for a moment, before leaning over the gap between their seats to peck her temple. “Let me help you with your stuff.”

So there they were, just 2 minutes later, after climbing the few stairs to her first floor apartment. The flicking of a switch by the entrance door drenched the living room/kitchen in a soft yellow light, which allowed them both to make their way to the center of the room.

“Should I just put it on a hanger it in your bathroom?” Jake asked sweetly, making Amy’s heavy heart do summersaults because of the fact that he’d read her mind before doing anything else.

She sent him a grateful smile, “Yeah, thanks. Just make sure to-“

“Hang it in the shower, so it won’t drip on the floor?”

Amy could tell by the way her boyfriend’s  eyes light up and his lips morphed into a crooked, boyish smile that he was proud of the fact that he’d managed finish her sentence just right. Sometimes she forgot that not only had they been dating for 7 months, but he’d also been her best friend for longer and partner against crime for even longer. There was no denying that he, more than anyone else and even herself, knew her the best. A weak smile growing on her lips at the thought let him know he was right, and then there was nothing else for her to do but to follow him with her eyes as he walked off to the bathroom with her icy ocean-coat.

Everything was so good between them and there was absolutely no denying it. Then why did she slump down on her couch with a heavy sigh and an even heavier her, she wondered. What was it about today; about her; about him, that made it seem like she was holding back and onto some kind of secret. A heavy slump back against the back of the couch seemed appropriate for the situation. Few steps wandered down the hall towards her, coming closer and closer. Next thing she knew he was back, standing by the kitchen at the opposite end of the room, freezing in his track when he noticed her hopeless expression. A staring contest between the two seemed to be initiated, but truth be told, she was not taking in just his eyes. Also the dark circles that surrounded them, his short, but nonetheless curls very messy from the day’s actions, his posture only emphasised how he probably felt - yet Amy Santiago had never before been so sure of one thing.

“Amy, is everything okay?”

Okay, the jig was up. He’d definitely noticed her being way off the entire night. Maybe he had been so too, but he, on the other hand, had an actual excuse.

“Yeah,” the following sigh did not reassure him. “Come sit with me for a second. Please?” She let her hands dance across the empty space by her side.

It truly did feel like walking into the belly of the beast, but ready for whatever she was going to throw at him, the eager detective made his way to the empty spot beside her and placed himself facing her. One leg bent on the couch, the other hanging off the side as he rested his side against the couch’s soft back. Another silence swallowed them both. Right in front of him, so close that he could reach out and touch her even though he didn’t dare to right then, Amy was nervously pushing her hair back behind her ears. Normally a double-tuck was a good sign, Jake couldn’t help but notice, but the current moment seemed to be way off and inconsistent.

“Ames, you’re kinda freaking me out here. Are we okay? Are you okay?”

The fact that he emphasised the ‘you’ more than the ‘we’ once again told her that he was the greatest man alive, obviously caring more about her than himself and them. A smile was not to be held back and her left hand, rebelliously in the name of love, expressed the same intractableness by reaching forward and cupping his cheek. Like a tear, though they weren’t present, Jake felt her thumb dance downards across his face and a million butterfly were set free in his stomach.

“Yes,” she nodded softly. “Both me and us. More importantly: Are you okay?”

He nodded softly into the her hand’s fingerhold, secretly wishing she would elaborate instead of redirecting the worry towards him. “I’m okay. Tonight was scary, but now I’m here with you. And though it might seem cheesy, it’s what matters to me.”

She nodded back, and though her mind was racing, trying to fight and make sense of all of her thoughts, her lips parted with willingness to speak. “It’s okay to be cheesy. It’s what matters to me too: Us…” She hesitantly allowed a pause, breathing in and unconsciously ran her tongue across her upper lip, considering if she should continue. This was Jake Peralta. With them it had always been this weird game of ‘in-between but never quite there’. The years of pining, the ‘never-single-at-the-same time’, keeping it light and breezy, almost breaking up twice within their first week together… It all came rushing back like an avalanche, pushing Amy over the edge of her emotional mountain. This time she wasn’t going to stay stuck in the middle; she was going big or going home - and she was already home, so there really was no way around it. “… Which I guess is why I’ve been so weird all night.”

Jake Peralta tilting his head slightly to the side in wonder was somehow the cutest and worst sight in the entire world - worst because she knew he did it out of confusion and precariousness. Amy Santiago wasn’t one to be overly confident with men, but these 7 months together had definitely taught her that she held his heart in his hands. His secretly very fragile, loving heart. On the other hand though, she also knew that he also held hers. Vulnerably and firmly all at once.

“You…” along with a heavy breath, her hand dropped from his face into his lap to hold his. Her gaze followed behind. “Being in danger like you were tonight really got me thinking about how important you are to me.” Her sincere brown eyes finally looked, to his relief, back up at him as those last words danced off her lips. Tender yet alert eyes and an understanding not from her boyfriend let Amy know that he was listening - he usually did whenever she spoke - and pushed her to continue. Taking this leap meant that there was no turning back around. “Li-,” her breath hitched, when tears suddenly welled in her eyes with urge to leap over the edge and down her cheeks. “Like it just got me thinking about the fact that just barely 3 years ago, I could never live with you. Never share a life with you, never be in the same room as for more than a few minutes without going absolutely insane,” she squeezed their joined hands in reassurance. “Never touch you like this. We seemed to be two opposites in all the worst ways. Impossible to unify.”

Though it was obviously with caution, seeing how affected by the matter his girlfriend was, Jake smiled remembering how they used to be cat and mouse. Those times seemed so far away these days.

“And now, today,” the hitch in her voice repeated itself; this time causing a tingle tear to stream down her face. Even soaked in tears, her eyes never left his and if Jake wasn’t completely delusional from all of the surfacing emotions, he could’ve sworn tears were welling up in his as well. “It just really hit me that I could never live without you.”

Almost like a bomb, silence dropped and blasted through the space around them. It sucked them into a black hole of everything from utter vulnerability to raw emotion and everything in between. Amy quickly noticed how her boyfriend’s eyebrows had cocked upwards, along with his suddenly much more awake eyes, in surprise.

“There’s before, now and after; me before you, me with you and I never want there to be a ‘me after you’, Jake Peralta.”

His jaw failed to keep his mouth shot, allowing his lips to part in awe like a kid having just discovered a secret treasure of gold, diamonds and pearls.

Her heart picked up pace as well as her termbling voice.

“God, I don’t know if this is moving too fast; if it’s right or wrong… But I’m just gonna say it. I desperately need you to know.”A brief pause pierced the moment, the three words welling up inside her mouth.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly merged back into a soft smile, his eyes glistening with joy as he brought his strong hands across the distance between them to hold her face and look into her eyes.

“I love you too, Ames.”

Finally, turning out to be what she needed more than anything that night, he used the hands attached to her face to pull her into a soft, tender kiss. A heavy weight suddenly dropped from her shoulders, her chest becoming lighter and fluttering as well. Within seconds her fingers wrapped around his wrists which were attached his hands that still cupped her now also smiling face. Their lips pressed together still, sparks flying like it was the first time instead of somewhere within the millions - probably - Amy knew she’d made the right decision. She loved Jake Peralta and he deserved to know.

His forehead pressed against hers, never disconnecting, as their lips parted and a dynamic energy travelled around them and the room. Amy could tell he was smiling; she was too after all.

“Tell me we’re end game?”  

When he slowly tilted his head just an inch back, Amy felt the tip and bridge of his nose gently stroke up her own. Upon having finally tilted it up and back far enough to reach her forehead, he pressed a tender kiss to it. It lasted longer than their rare, but yet sweet, little forehead kisses usually would. It almost felt like his lips had gotten stuck, but then suddenly to Amy’s secret dismay, he pulled his whole upper body back to look at her properly with glistening eyes and a happy grin. Amy’s heart on the other hand was anything but calm, thumping louder and harder than she ever imagined possible. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Maybe declaring her love like that was a bit too much for an otherwise emotionally cut off person like Jake. Maybe she should’ve just stuck to “I love you”… Or just nothing at all; she should’ve sent him back home and slept by herself tonight.

Yet suddenly it was clear to her that the confusion and anxiety must’ve been clearly written across her face, because once more and always preferably, Jake Peralta’s hands were buried deep within and messing up her glistening black locks like they were the last sensation he’d ever experience. His soft soft lips grabbed hers, telling her that she’d never be alone ever again though she still sometimes feared she would. More. She wanted it all and more, so she quickly reached across, grabbing the collar of his famous grey hoodie. If it was even possible by then, seeming to be as close as possible, she pulled on it and him. His lips scrunched into a smile against her desperate kiss. Suddenly his kiss wandered off too the side, onto her cheek; her chin; her hairline before ending on the top of her head with her cheek resting securely on top of his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around her frame. Like they should be. Always.

“Amy Santiago, we’ve always been end game.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: ���🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies �� Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]

[wolfyred-ks]

Adrinette April 2019 Day 23

@adrinetteapril​ thank you for all you’ve done for the event. I know this one is probably to late for the re-blog. If it’s not a problem over the next few days I would like to tag you in my remaining posts just so you can see what I’ve done.

This was my fist ever ‘writing prompt’ event. And I actually only just created my tumbler so I could take part in Adrinette April 2019. I’m going to also do Marichat May and the other two sides. May take me a little to start though.

THANK YOU FOR MANAGING ADRINETTE APRIL 2019 WITH FLARE AND GUSTO!!!!

Day 23 - Fashion Show

(PLEASE NOTE - THE EXPLOSION IS FICTIOUS. I MADE IT UP FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY. I DO NOT WISH FOR ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE.)

It’s just the class. It’s just our families. It’s raising funds for a worthy cause. It’s a chance to show my work before I get big.

Marinette tried to calm herself down with these reassurances. She had been floored when Jagged Stone had approached her for another commission. He had loved his shades so much and they were such a big hit on the tour he had done that he wanted an actual outfit designed.

Tikki had been offering comfort to Marinette the 2 weeks it had been going on. She had been such a source of encouragement Marinette would never have gotten through it with her sanity intact. Well, Tikki and all the others that helped her with this.

As she paced in front of Adrien getting into make up she wondered, ‘How did one outfit end up being a fashion show?’

--------

Originally she had been meeting with Jagged and Penny for a new outfit to tour in. After talking with Jagged she had 5 designs that she wanted to show him. He had liked 4 of them but couldn’t decide which one to use and was suggesting she make them all up. He’d pay for them of course, and if they were all really good he’d use them in his shows.

Penny had joked about Jagged being a personal fashion show for Marinette.

It was at that moment the TV in the hotel suite broke the news that there had been an explosion on the D20 outskirts of Saint-Vulbas. Some terrorists had been on the way to the Bugey Nuclear Power Plant with a bomb in a large van. There was evidence they were going to drive as close to the reactors as they could. However police had stopped the truck before they could get anywhere near the plant. The suspects decided to set of the bomb anyways and the explosion destroyed a portion of the city, leaving a 1km crater that took out a good portion of the town.

Already emergency crews were on the scene and the French Government had offered relief and aid to the small town. A list of places people could donate food, clothing and blankets was being created and the news anchor was urging everyone to help any way they could.

“I want to help them.” Marinette said as the news cast went on. “I want to send them something. I could get some material make blankets and maybe even simple shirts in lots of sizes and slip on pants.” She started pacing and planning, “My parents could make some breads and croissants and we could ship them. And I could organize a food drive at the school with...”

Penny cut Marinette off. “That’s a lot to do for you. It’s great to help out but you don’t want to overdo it yourself and get too exhausted to manage it.” She placed a hand on Marinette’s shoulder. “Also buying all that material to make clothes will be expensive. It might be better to do a clothing and food drive. You don’t need to make it a big show.”

“Yes she does Penny.” Jagged had stood up as well.

“What?” Both ladies said.

“A big show! We can help her put on a big show and gather up supplies, clothes, food and donations towards re-building. Did you say with me using 4 of her outfits on tour I’d be her own fashion show?”

“I meant it as a joke Jagged.” Penny said.

“But we could make it real! We can help her set it. She designs a few more outfits and we get some of her school chums to show them off. Charge at the door! Have a set up for dropping off clothes and food at the show.” Jagged pulled Marinette to his side. “It will be big! I know you can do it.” He grabbed Penny and said theyd be in touch. He was going to talk to the mayor about renting the ballroom.

Tikki floated up from Marinette’s purse. “What just happened?”

“I’m not sure Tikki,” Marinette looked at the little red kwami. “I think I was just signed up to do a fashion show.”

Over the next few days it was sorted out that Penny and Jagged were going to organize most of it. Marinette just had to come up with 4 more designs and sew 8 outfits in 2 weeks.

--------

After staying up late for 2 days designing the other 4 outfits it showed on Marinette. It was first period and she was asleep at her desk.

Adrien looked at her as he walked in with Nino. He turned to Alya, “What’s wrong with Marinette?”

“She managed to finish the last of the designs last night.” Alya said while patting Marinette’s head. “Poor girl is so stressed right now.”

“Oh, the fashion show to raise funds for Saint-Vulbas. I was thinking of asking my dad if I could be a model for her show.” Adrien looked at Marinette with fondness.

“Well, you’ll have to let her know today. After school she’s going have to get the measurements of everyone and start sewing all 8 outfits tonight. Jagged is picking her up after dinner to go buy the material she needs.” Alya continued to stroke Marinette’s hair.

“She’s sewing them all on her own?” Nino asked.

“Mmm hm.” Alya nodded. “I would love to help her but I keep making a mess of things when I try to sew.”

“I could ask my dad for help.” Adrien spoke.

“Really?” Alya asked.

“Yeah, I know we’re in between shows and shoots so things aren’t busy for the seamstresses. Maybe dad would be willing to let one or two of them help out. They know how to sew on a deadline.” Adrien glanced at the sleeping girl. “Do you think she would like the help? I don’t want to come across as her not being able to do it, but that is a lot of work.”

Marinette chose that moment to wake up with a start. “Put your sleeves back on!” She yelled.

Alya, Nino and Adrien were shocked for a moment. Then they all burst out laughing.

“Not funny guys.” Marinette realized what had happened. “I had a horrible dream that one of my dresses decided it looked better without sleeves and took them off itself.”

“That is funny.” Nino chuckled.

���Hey Marinette?” Adrien asked softly.

“Yeah?” she responded sleepily.

“Would you be alright if I asked my dad if we could get help from one of the seamstresses? You give them the designs and they can do the sewing for some of the outfits.” He smiled at her.

“I wouldn’t want to put them out. I’m supposed to be designing the outfits and I should make them.” She was interrupted by a yawn before she could go on.

“It’s not a problem. You need the help. 8 outfits in 2 weeks while still going to school is going to be a lot. Also,” Adrien started before she could argue further. “While my dad designs, he really doesn’t do the sewing anymore. Maybe on a specific outfit but he usually gets the seamstresses to do the work.”

Marinette thought for a moment and nodded. She was way too tired to put up much of a fight. Besides, all Adrien was going to do was ask. Didn’t mean that his dad would help.

--------

Adrien went home for lunch and asked Nathalie if he could chat with father for a moment.

She came back after Adrien had finished eating and said that his father would see him now.

Adrien asked his father first if it was alright if he was a model for Marinette and Jagged’s fashion show. Adrien explained what the show was for and how much work Marinette was going to have to do and how he’d really like to help her out. Would he be willing to have a few of his designs in the show too to help draw in more people.

Gabriel agreed to Adrien modelling as it was for a good cause. However he would not have his designs in the fashion show. After all it was supposed to be Marinette’s designs. He commented that 8 outfits in less than 2 weeks would be hard for a school girl so he agreed to lend two seamstresses to help out. But they would all have work in the studio downtown.

Adrien thanked his dad and went back to school really happy. He told Marinette what his dad was going to do.

She almost passed out.

During the last class the teacher said that in support of the Fashion Show Fundraiser Marinette could take this time to get the measurements of the students willing to be models and that those who wanted to help out in others ways could meet with Penny in the main yard to talk about how they could help with the food and clothing drive portion of the fashion show.

Adrien, Kim, Max and Nino would be the male models. Chloe, Juleka, Rose and Alix would be the female models.

Ivan, Mylene, Sabrina and Alya decided to help out at the drives. Nathanael says he is going to ask Penny if it would be alright if he did some artwork that could be sold. Lila says she is helping her mother with some of the government organized things and asks to leave.

Since Adrien’s measurements are in his dad’s file Marinette quickly takes the measurements of the others and has Adrien write them down.

-----------

When Jagged comes by after dinner he says they are swinging by the Agreste place first.

“Why are we going there?” Marinette asks.

“We’re picking up Adrien Agreste. His dad called me this afternoon and said you could have access to his fabric room to pick out stuff for the outfits.” Jagged helped her into the car. “Adrien is going to allow us access into the building.”

Marinette was floored.

Over the next week and a half Marinette went to school during the day and then her and Adrien would go to his fathers business offices downtown and she’d look over what the 2 ladies had done. As the seamstresses could work all day long they said they’d do the majority of the outfits for Marinette.

Marinette insisted on making Adrien’s and Rose’s outfits herself as they were going to be the only matched pair.

Rose drops by a couple of nights in a row for fittings. Adrien has been hanging out with Marinette the whole time. Chatting, trying on the outfit and just watching her sew. The other class mates came by 4 days before the show for their first fittings.

With 2 days before the show all the outfits were complete and final fittings were done.

--------

The afternoon of the show Marinette was a bundle of nerves.

Marinette was pacing and worrying in front of Adrien as a makeup artist put on the final touches before he was to go out for the show. “Oh gawd, what if people see the outfits and hate them and demand their money back. What if someone trips and breaks a leg or an arm. What if Hawk Moth finally decides to attack. I’m glad that he hasn’t done anything since the bombing but he could change his mind today. What if..”

Adrien, finished with makeup, got up, went over to Marinette and put his hands on her shoulders to stop her.

“Everything will be fine. Everyone is in their outfits and they look great. They’re getting makeup on. We all went through rehearsals yesterday and know where to walk. Safety inspectors have looked over everything and it’s all safe. Nathalie is stagemanaging.” Adrien kissed Marinette’s forehead. “Nothing will go wrong.”

Marinette blushed and almost forgot to breathe.

“Yeah Mari,” Kim struck a pose, “These outfits are amazing.”

“I feel pretty.” Juleka said. And she looked it. Everyone else made positive remarks about how everything looked and how well it would go.

“Now,” Adrien put an arm around Marinette and steered her towards Penny and Jagged. “Go. You need to be with them greeting people before coming back her before the show actually starts. We’ll take care of everything back here until then. When the last of us have come out for the final walk you join us on the stage and receive your well earned congratulations.”

Marinette looked at all her friends backstage and almost started to cry. “Thank you everyone.” She then went out and hugged Jagged. Now she just had to wait for the show to start.

[qethnehzul]

The Softest Snow

[4233 Words. Version w/Dovahzul can be found on Ao3

Krosis makes a last stand for the remains of his followers, and reminisces on the things past.

Characters: Krosis, Gruthrathlir

Warnings: Character Death, Violence]

The crying of babies was quieter today. While normally Krosis would be relieved, it was a bad sign. There were fewer now, and the realization made his chest grow tighter with each passing day. They couldn’t keep this up.

Krosis trudged through the snow, staff clenched tightly in one hand and the strap of a bag in the other. Around him shuffled the remains of his loyal - men, woman, and children who had followed him in hopes of sanctuary. Somewhere. Anywhere. The Dragon War had taken their homes from them, and the lives of many of their family and friends. The cold, the exposure, starvation… and the hunters took many, many more in the following years.

Who was even left anymore?

Krosis’s eyes wearily scanned their surroundings. They had managed to wander back around to familiar territory, somewhere within the Pale. Mountains stretched up on either side, which thankfully blocked the worst of the winds… for now. A thick forest of pine trees lined the northern front, but for now they avoided it. The forest was dark, dangerous, and hard to navigate. And on top of that, it was a place that Gruthrathlir couldn’t follow.

Their patron dragon darted in and out of the clouds above, his shadow often the only sign that he had yet to abandon them. Every now and then, people dared to glance up, praying to catch just a glimpse of their guardian above. If it hadn’t been for him… many weren’t sure if they would still be there.

Krosis adjusted the bag, feeling an ache in his bones. They’d been walking for weeks now, from dawn to dusk, from one point to another. They had already been chased out of their own home and had fled west in hopes of finding safety - but it hadn’t lasted long. Soon, they were being chased back east, and more and more of their numbers thinned. Each dawn brought a new death toll, and people wept as the bodies of loved ones were left in the snow, unable to be given a proper burial. It made Krosis’s heart ache. He could do nothing for his people - nothing but continuing to herd them to an unknown fate.

He hadn’t heard from any of the other priests in months. The last person he’d reached contact with was Volsung, when they’d been in her old territory - but where she was, how she was doing, and if she was still alive was beyond him. Those who remained clung to every last available threads.

So many were gone. The temple. The dragons. His people. His friends.

Krosis let out a heavy exhale, the condensation seeping through the mouth of his mask. And still, they were hunted. Hounded. Chased. His people had gone from thousands to less than 200 - a feeble stretch of worn and tired faithful trying to walk through the knee-deep snow to the mountain pass ahead. And then what? To where? To what life? A life of hiding? A life of running? He, Krosis, a high-ranking priest of the temple, was walking beside them carrying his own bag. Years ago, when things had been okay, nobody would have believed that. Krosis may not have been as full of himself as his peers, but this… was unheard of. He had been a king. Gruthrathlir had been a god.

And now they were vermin to be exterminated.

Things would never be the same again. The other priests… he would never see them again either. He knew for certain that most of them were dead already. Who was left? Who were the ones he’d at least heard from in the past year or so? Volsung, Rahgot, Vokun, Klo and Zaan. They were still alive, at least a year ago. 6 of them total. And at one point, there had been 25 of them.

Krosis’s face turned bitter behind his mask. Before that day. Before he betrayed them.

The thought still made what little bile his body could manage boil up in the back of his throat. Miraak… his Miraak…

No, not his Miraak. He had not been his Miraak in decades. He’d left that all behind - Or at least, he wanted to think he had. But ultimately, wasn’t this all his fault? All his cause? The rebellion? The dragon’s downfall? Miraak had sparked all of it, when he’d gone and gotten himself tangled up with the Woodland Man and sought to enslave their gods.

What would he have thought, if he could see what he’d done?

Krosis scoffed quietly.

Nothing, no doubt. He stopped caring, as far as Krosis could tell. After all, what was the last thing he’d said to him?

Krosis could remember.

Two… no… maybe even three decades of being together. Of visiting in secret, of planning meetings to see one another, of dodging danger just for a moment to embrace-

And then suddenly, it began to stop. Miraak had changed. The man he knew so deeply, loved so deeply, was not the same anymore. He was paranoid, distant, detached. Faithless. Those meetings, their letters, the long nights - they slowly petered out. The letters felt empty. Embracing him felt like holding a corpse. Miraak stopped visiting him, holding himself up in Solstheim. His letters grew shorter, less interested.

Dukaan, Ahzidal, and Zahkriisos. They were Miraak’s close companions. He remembered that, he saw that. They were the only ones he talked to now. Even at meetings, Miraak pretended like he wasn’t there. After decades of just dancing around interactions until they were in private, Miraak wouldn’t even acknowledge him - in public or in private. And Zahkriisos…

The thought always made his stomach churn. The way she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, talked to him, postured around him…

And did Miraak stop it? No. Never once.

‘Miraak? Do you wish to be with Zahkriisos instead? I have… seen how she acts around you. If I am no longer of interest to you, please tell me.’

That letter had pained him to write. Every stroke of the brush made him feel like it was being carved into his very skin.

‘Zahkriisos? No. I am not. I do not care for her.’

That was it. He hadn’t even answered the second part of the question. He was avoiding it. There was never any answer about what was becoming of them. They, they, just stopped being a thing. Stopped, without any word on the matter. Not why. Not when.

One day, something had happened. And Miraak was not Miraak anymore.

Almost three decades had suddenly stopped meaning anything. Plans, ideas, habits, all of that meant nothing one day.

Krosis had pushed it off, waiting, hoping, praying for any answer, any change. Of course, it never came. He just watched Miraak grow more and more distance. The letters just became shorter and more inconsistent. Empty. Hollow. Pointless. They stopped being about things that mattered, things they cared for, things about their plans. Pointless drabble. Filler just to keep the letters flowing, if only just.

No matter how many times he’d tried to write it, each time brought tears to his face. He could not stop them from warping the paper and splattering the ink. He’d rewritten it over and over again, but each time the result was the same. Why wouldn’t it be? Two and a half decades. And this was how it was going to end.

‘To my dearest Miraak,

This is the last letter I will be sending you. I understand that, for whatever reasons, you have grown tired of me. I do not know what it is that I have done wrong, but I see you show no interest in continuing this. In us. And I cannot bear this any longer.

I wish this could have ended differently. But I wish you luck. In whatever it is you are focused on now.

Farewell, Miraak. Perhaps your future will bring you more happiness then I had.

-Nonvul’

When his hawk returned, there was a scroll of paper attached. It was small, and it took Krosis all his courage to take it and unroll it. And for what?

Just a stamp. Miraak’s stamp. Nothing more. A acknowledgement that he’d received the message.

Two and a half decades.

Krosis remembered holding the paper in his hands. He remembered how badly his hands had shaken, just looking down at the simple symbol stamped onto the page in patchy black ink.

Two and a half decades, and all Miraak had said in ending it was a single stamp.

Krosis had thrown it into the fire. The tiny paper couldn’t even finish shriveling away to ash before Krosis broke down again.

Krosis. Your name is Krosis. You are Krosis.

Nonvul was stripped away from him. Noble. Honorable.

What a sick joke.

‘We have decided, in reflection of the past few years, that it would be proper to reevaluate that in which you are named.’

Krosis.

Not Nonvul.

In the ashes and wake of everything Miraak had done, it was one more insult. One more bitter, painful reminder.

Maybe before everything, others would have disagreed. But they had agreed. Oh, Krosis remembered. They had bitterly agreed. Miraak, Ahzidal, Dukaan, Zahkriisos. They had betrayed them, no matter how close. No mistakes like that would be made again.

There would be no more friendships. No more risks.

Krosis.

Sorrow. Unfortunate. Apologies.

The words stuck to the back of his throat.

He was Krosis.

Sorrow. Krosis’s tired eyes lifted from his thoughts. His people were ragged and thin. They were dying. He herded them forward to a long, slow, hopeless death. He knew that. He and Gruthrathlir had talked about it in length, as they looked down on the ever-shrinking camps of followers. There were few places to go. Many had already fled. Many had already accepted their fates. Krosis had fought to believe that there would be some hope, somewhere, for his people. Now he knew that there would be no such thing.

And in the depths of winter, he could see the end. Each day they marched closer to it. Would it be kinder, to ask the people to lay down and accept death? Was it cruel to promise them hope of salvation and sanctuary, when he knew it did not exist any longer?

Volsung was holding out. She had not disclosed where she and her followers had wound up, and Krosis would not ask her about it. It was too risky. If any message was intercepted, he could put Volsung and her people in danger.

They were a vermin that needed to be exterminated.

Miraak had started a rebellion against the dragons and their worshippers.

Miraak was going to kill him, one way or another.

“Sonaak Krosis!”

Krosis lifted his gaze again, squinting through the snow that drifted downward. A ragged man, panting, exhausted, managed to stumble through the snow towards the dragon priest. People watched him fearfully, women pulling children closer and people exchanging soft chitter of worry.

“Yes? Is something wrong?” Krosis spoke, his voice cracking after so much silence and so little water.

The man stopped just before Krosis, shaking badly as he panted. “They’re just behind us. They’re catching up. A-at least fifty, if not… if not more. Armed. All armed,” the man said, his voice almost sounding hysteric.

Krosis looked back over his shoulder. Their pursuers hadn’t broken the ridge behind them yet, but he did not doubt this man’s words. He knew they were being followed. They all knew. It was just a matter of time before they caught up again. Krosis looked back to the man.

The man stared, brown eyes wide, tired, looking for an answer. Even the strongest, healthiest of them had gaunt cheeks, scabs, frostbite. Nobody here was in any condition to fight. The others who had slowed to listen looked to Krosis for some sort of miracle.

“Gather everyone. Head for the pass as quickly as you can. Once everyone is through, you must collapse it so they will have to reroute,” Krosis ordered, his voice low. He slid his bag off his shoulder, letting it fall into the snow with a heavy, muffled thud. He held out the strap of it to the man, who stared at him with confusion. “...I will stay here. I will hold them off as long as I can. Do not wait for me. If I am to rejoin you, I will find my own way.”

The man took a step back. “Sonaak Krosis, we can’t-”

“You can, and you will,” Krosis ordered, urging the man to take his belongings. “Go. Hurry. You don’t have time to waste.”

Soft murmuring shifted between the few around before one by one they picked up their pace. The scout frowned, eyes full of pain before he nodded and reached out to take Krosis’s bag. “Where shall we go?” He asked quietly.

Krosis straightened himself out. “Keep heading east. Head for the pass at the north end of mountains. There… they may leave you alone then,” Krosis said softly. He knew that he could not guarantee that. He knew they wouldn’t even make it to the mouth of the White River.

The man gave a bow, closing his eyes tightly. “Thank you. Please return to us, Sonaak Krosis,” he said, giving Krosis one more worried look before turning to gather up the others.

Krosis watched the man run through the snow, leaving him alone. People ahead started to pick up their pace, gathering together. Babies began to cry. He could hear the panic. Krosis tilted his head back as a shadow passed overhead.

Gruthrathlir slowly descended down, coming to land in the snow bank a few feet from him. His black spines bristled, looking down the valley in the direction they’d come from. “...You will not run?”

Krosis followed Gruthrathlir’s gaze, seeing the very tops of banners start to speckle the horizon. Slowly, he shook his head. “No. They will not reach the pass if I do.”

The wind picked up, making snow drift sideways for a few moments. Gruthrathlir slowly lumbered over to Krosis, scales bristling. “You do this, even if you know they will die anyways?”

Krosis closed his eyes. No. They would not make it. Even if they made it through the pass, they would slowly die of exposure.

Years ago, he knew his body would have been buried in a tomb as a king, tended to for the rest of time by loyal servants. He snorted to himself. Now he would be lucky if the ravens picked at his corpse before it froze over to be lost in the snow.

“We have to face this fate someday. I am ready.”

The dragon’s white scales rattled as he let out a low rumble. The two stood in silence, watching their pursuers slowly approach on the horizon. Krosis could seem them readying for battle, no doubt only worried because of the dragon. He was one dragon priest. Before, he was feared. But now, alone… he was pitiful.

Krosis turned to look at his patron. “Go. They will fight you if you stay.”

“I know,” Gruthrathlir rumbled, his tail swaying through the snow.

Krosis looked up to the dragon, the shouts of the soldiers ahead echoing now through the air.

Gruthrathlir tilted his head to look down at Krosis. “I will fight beside you until they make the pass. Then… I will bring you to them. Alive, or dead. You will not be left to fight this battle alone.”

“You don’t need to do this, my lord,” Krosis whispered, trying to steel himself. He tightened his fingers around his staff, trying to take a deep breath.

Gruthrathlir chuckled, frost curling from between his sharp teeth. “No, I don’t. Yet, I am. To the end.”

Krosis wanted nothing more then to reach out and brush the scales of his companion one last time, but he didn’t dare. Not before the men only a few dragon’s lengths from them. “May your reign last forever, my lord. It was my honor to serve you,” he said softly, pulling on his magic. He pulled on the fabric of the world around him, calling forth a frost atronach from beyond to aid him. The golem-like creature rumbled, immediately aware of its targets.

Gruthrathlir spread his wings wide, preparing to take to the sky. “I will see you again, Krosis. This I know. I promise you, as my loyal,” he said, slowly taking to the sky. The snow bloomed around him in a great cloud, making it almost impossible for Krosis to see him as he soared upwards.

Krosis exhaled slowly, casting another spell in preparation. Energy flowed through his skin, before making a dense armor of magic over his skin. Krosis’s focus returned to the armed men. Their leader stepped forward in the group, a man in heavy nordic armor. Krosis could tell he wanted to say something, something snide, but the priest didn’t give him the chance.

Krosis hurled a spear of ice out of his hand. The man jerked to the side, saved by a swipe from one of his allie’s blades. The leader gave Krosis a scowl, before commanding his men forward.

Krosis’s atronach charged forward in return, meeting the wall of men in a clash of metal and ice. Krosis took a step back, swinging his staff around. A giant fireball was let loose from the mouth at the end, exploding on the other side of the front line.

Men shrieked between his attack and the atronach’s assault, but more men pressed forward. A arrow shot forward from the crowd, missing Krosis narrowly.

He couldn’t let them get closer. He took another step back, unleashing a ice storm to try to slow the men down so he could back up a bit more. Another arrow shot through the ice, making contact with his shoulder. It bounced off his ebonyflesh, but the impact still made Krosis wince under his armor.

“Give up, dragon worshiper! You aren’t going to win!” Their leader snarled, using his shield to push through the ice storm.

Krosis narrowed his eyes, but made no response. No, he was not going to win. But he had to buy time. He resisted the urge to look back and check at how far his people had gotten. He summoned up more of his magicka, releasing another ice storm. He just needed to bide them time.

Gruthrathlir suddenly descended from the clouds with a roar, sending some of the less seasoned men scattering in a scream of terror. A stream of ice and a downburst of frigid wind followed him, pelting the men below. The arrows, to Krosis’s relief, turned to try to take down the dragon instead. Most bounced harmlessly off of the dragon’s white scales, but a few found the soft skin between plating.

Krosis grimaced, but he could not help his patron. If Gruthrathlir needed, he could just leave. He owned Krosis nothing.

But Gruthrathlir didn’t. The battle would not last long enough anyways, but it would last as long as Krosis needed it to.

The hunter’s numbers had thinned - much more than they’d anticipated. Krosis assumed that he and Gruthrathlir had at least halved how many their were, but too many still remained. Krosis could feel himself pulling at the bottom of his magicka. He didn’t have enough to summon a third atronach, or cast more ebonyflesh. His last atronach had crumbled, and he had a sinking feeling his ebonyflesh wasn’t going to be too far behind.

Gruthrathlir’s strafes had slowed down, and the last time Krosis had seen the dragon the rivers of blood were apparent on his pale scales. A few times he’d been forced to land, and Krosis feared the dragon himself wouldn’t last much longer. And yet, he fought on too.

Krosis looked back over his shoulder. The last of his people were heading up the pass, soon to make it through the break in the rocks where Krosis prayed they could seal it.

His breath hitched. Pain streaked out through his side, digging deep into his gut. His head snapped forward again, eyes wide as his hand instinctively came down to his side. His fingers brushed against the cold shaft of an arrow, and came back with warm, red blood. He looked at his wound, his hand, before looking back to the people before him.

The next arrow hit his pauldron, bouncing off, but it came with enough force to make his shoulder jerk backwards. Krosis hissed in pain, raising his staff weakly to fire another fireball. Nothing. Even his staff was out of juice.

A weak  groan of pain was wrought from his lips at the next arrow, feeling it land in his shoulder. The end of the line was finally here. He pulled on the very last strands of his magicka, using everything he had to cast one more ice storm. Just a bit longer…

Krosis looked back over his shoulder. Only a few lingered, paused as he could only assume they looked down at him. They made it. But for what? To die on the other side…?

What difference did it make? Maybe they would make it anyways.

Another arrow dug into his ribcage, making him stagger back. He tried to take a deep breath, but all he got was pain. He coughed, legs shaking before he turned to face the remaining soldiers. Blood rushed in his ears, and the sound of his own breathing in his mask sounded suddenly so much louder. His mouth tasted like iron, and when he coughed he could feel warm liquid spray from his lips and out of the slit of his mask.

Were they saying something? He could see the leader’s mouth moving, but it all sounded muffled.

Krosis tried to keep his staff pointed at them, exhausted. He had to keep going. Keep them back. Keep his people safe. He was a dragon priest. He would lead them to safety, like he always did, like he promised he would. His vision tunneled and blurred a bit as he struggled to stay standing, not moving back even as his enemies grew closer.

So damn tired. So much walking. So much wandering for nothing.

“Do you think they would allow me to move?”

Miraak glanced over at him, brow arched. “Hm?”

Krosis shrugged, looking back out at the ocean. He leaned forward on the balcony. “Our temples are… so far apart. It is such a great distance to travel to see you. I thought, perhaps, that I might be allowed to relocate.”

Miraak chuckled. “To where?”

Krosis shrugged again. “Somewhere closer.”

Miraak hummed, stroking his beard in thought, though Krosis could tell it was more mocking than serious. “You would have to change spots with Nahkriin, or Haldriin. I must assume that Nahkriin would be… less than interested.”

Krosis snorted. “There are mountains in my territory.”

“Yes, but not nearly as many,” Miraak leaned forward as well, watching a gull drift in the breeze. “What about Gruthrathlir?”

Krosis blinked, before looking out at the ocean as well. “...You mean more to me, Miraak.” Krosis slid his hand across the stone, finding Miraak’s. He tangled his fingers slowly with his lover’s, holding his hand tightly.

Miraak looked down, before moving to place a gentle kiss on Krosis’s temple.

“Do you think there will be a day when we can ever be a family, Miraak?” Krosis asked quietly, leaning into Miraak’s shoulder.

Miraak exhaled slowly, leaning back before resting his cheek on Krosis’s head. “I… I will ensure there will be,” Miraak mumbled, his gaze soft.

For nothing.

Krosis spat up another mouthful of blood, crimson dripping out of the mask’s mouth before slowly dripping down into the white snow below. Splatters of blood already left a trail from where he’d been standing to where he’d ended, his legs just holding.

For nothing. Everything. The mask. His loyalty. His love. His life.

Krosis.

It had been for nothing.

The last arrow embedded itself in his chest, to the left of his armor. His legs finally gave out, and he fell backwards into the snow. Powder drifted up around him as he sunk into the snow, seeing some of it creep up in the blurry edges of his vision. His staff remained in a deathly tight grip, refusing to let it go. His other blood-stained hand lay stretched out to his side.

Gruthrathlir’s shadow circled overhead.

His skin was so warm. Soft. Tangled together in the dim candle light.

Krosis’s eyes grew heavy.

Volsung shook her head, turning away as he pulled his mask back down quickly, cheeks scalding red.

“I saw nothing,” she said flatly, though they both heard the teasing tinge to it.

He’d given Krosis’s side a almost playful squeeze in return.

Why?

The necklace felt heavy around his neck, but warm. He’d been keeping it hidden around his own neck until they were alone. How happy he’d felt.

Suffocating. A weak choke, more iron. Pain, cold, numbing. Dark shadows of people looking down at him.

It had felt heavier when he’d hurled it into the ocean. Watching the splash of the waves. The quiet presence of Vokun at his side.

The people backed away quickly as dark blotches speckled his vision.

Quiet. Peaceful.

Gruthrathlir’s shadow grew closer.

Would he be there?

Closer. Darker.

Did it matter?

Darker.

Nothing.

Black.

There was nothing.

Krosis

[nancywheelxr]

Winn wakes up in the DEO.

Or at least, it looks like the DEO- it’s so cold, to begin with, and it was never warm in the first place. And when he walks up the stairs to take a look out of the balcony, there’s nothing to look at, and everything’s just a little too… shimmery? Shiny, maybe, or glossy- it doesn’t look real. It’s kind of blurred at the edges, too, like a filter was placed over it, or maybe the filter is over his own vision.

But as much as he rubs at his eyes, it doesn’t go away, and though that on its own is concerning, the worst part is that there’s nobody else there. The place is completely empty, though all the electronics are intact- but there’s no J’onn, or Kara, or Alex, or even the agents who’ve helped him that he always thought quietly resented him just for being there. Not even the Legion is present, there’s no Mon-El, or Imra, or Brainy…

Their absences leave a gaping hole of loneliness inside him, that spreads through this whole place- he’s been away from it for too long, he wishes it were real but it isn’t and it won’t stop reminding him of that- and it certainly isn’t helped when he calls out, “Hello? Anyone home?” and his words just echo like he’s hearing his own shadow talking back to him.

Or his own ghost.

“Hello, Winslow.”

Speaking of ghosts…

“Dad.” Winn says, voice flat. It isn’t even a question, because that’s his father’s image, recreated flawlessly in this- well, Kara wanted to call it a mind-palace, but that term is far too nice for what he’s experiencing.

It’s his personal Bad Place, or as he’d first referred to it, his mind-prison- and there’s no better prison guard than the one he’d grown up knowing was behind bars.

Only a matter of time before you’re in a cage, too, he thinks, but he’s been caged since he woke up, and all he wants is for his father to get it over with and put him in one for real.

It would at least be preferable to this. To his father looking at him, staring and judging, as Winn sees nothing in his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Winn asks. “I mean- how are you even here? You died in the 21st century, I saw your body- it exploded, your protégé carried out your last request and she got what she deserved too. Haven’t you tortured me and my family enough?”

“More like you have tortured mine.” Winslow Senior- or the being that looks like him- says. “I am your father, and all I wanted was to keep my family together. Especially you and I. And I was willing to do anything to make sure of that.”

“Yeah, I know!” Winn insists. “You were willing to send us both to prison, for that- and now we’re both here. In my mind- where I thought I was finally free of you.”

“This is your mind.” Winslow Senior says. “But you know you will never be rid of me. My genes are still within you- what was it you said, the gruesome way you described it- ah, yes. A ticking time bomb. And they have already gone off, you know. Your friends hate you, for what you did to them.”

“At least I didn’t murder anyone.”

“Not yet.”

“But perhaps you will- who knows, Winn, what the body is willing to do if it’s controlled? Especially by such sophisticated machines. It’s like pulling puppet strings, making it look so real- as if the Winn that your friends all know and love truly is the one destroying the Legion from the inside out.”

“I can stop it.” Winn says. “I’ll escape you somehow-“

He looks around the room, trying to will himself away… trying to imagine something, some kind of key to a door he can’t see yet. Kara didn’t go too into depth about her own experiences, but he knows that Brainy helped her realize what was really important to her. Who she really was, despite what had happened to her and what had caused that.

Winn wishes Brainy was here now, despite how he knows he’d probably be far less helpful for him than he was for Kara. He could tell, from their first meeting, that Brainy had a crush on Kara- even though Brainy probably didn’t know that word himself- and though they’d become friendlier to each other over time, he and Winn still hadn’t been on the best of terms. They hadn’t even really talked one-on-one, before switching places, but if he had to admit it, he hoped he was doing okay, and that Brainy thought the same of him.

How disappointed he would be, if or when he found out the truth…

But the point was that Brainy already had helped him. Before, just by showing him his own design, he’d given Winn the confidence to do what he had always been ready for, what he’d been doing long before the Legion came along.

What he had done, in fact, at another DEO base, with another Brainiac, a month and a half after his father broke out of prison.

“I will escape you- Brainiac.”

He can’t deny it. It’s the only explanation, Brainiac’s been messing with his head- no better way to stop a threat to your plans than attack its mastermind, right?- and he’s only mad that he didn’t figure it out sooner.

Because wasn’t he trying to do the same thing, really? Wasn’t he working on figuring out a way to get at Brainiac himself, get into his head and shut him down just like Indigo?

Were he and Brainiac really any different?

“I know everything about you, you know.” Brainiac says, in his father’s voice- but it sounds deeper now, almost ancient. His eyes are surrounded by shadows, like he’s been punched, and dark veins stand out on his neck. When Winn looks him in the eyes, they’ve gone completely black, and he could swear he’s slowly turning blue- although maybe that’s just the lighting.

Or he’s still going crazy, even inside his own mind. It’s hard to tell.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“You have constantly been underestimated, but you were far more of a threat than even I foresaw.” Brainiac answers. “Capable of far more- for a human, of course.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“I am aware.” Brainiac continues. “But people underestimated your father, as well- they expected much from him, took advantage of him, and when he got justice for himself, they didn’t understand. Did you not feel underestimated, when you worked at this very place? When you told them you were moving on, did they not try to convince you to stay?”

“I guess so, but they did that because they were gonna miss me.” Winn says.

“You are lying to yourself.” Brainiac says. “They do not care about you- only your work. And when they save the day, do they ever thank you? Do they give you credit, for what you’ve done?”

“…”

“You deserve justice.” Brainiac answers. “You should make them see what kind of person you really are.”

“I’m not like my father.” Winn says. “That’s what you’re implying, isn’t it? Well, it isn’t working. I know who I am, and I know I’m capable- but that comes from me. Not him. And I certainly don’t need you to remind me of that.”

Brainiac glares at him.

“You will not stop me.” He says. “I am prepared for anything you might do- and unlike you, I am not afraid of my enemy.”

“Does this look afraid to you?” Winn asks, raising his hand. He wills it to be sharp, to do what he hopes it will.

Then, he plunges it into Brainiac’s head.

[musubiki]

Hc about conflictedshipping visiting another region? Sinnoh maybe???? Love your work ❤️!!!

hoOOOOOOO BOI LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEIR TRIP TO KALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

➞

im making it MANDATORY THAT THEY TOOK A SEMESTER ABROAD IN KALOS DURING THEIR TRAINERS SCHOOL TIME

(also this is where that one line of diaglouge in xy comes from. that one chick who tells you that green was there studying and only ever said smell ya later)

i was thinkin about giving them pokemon for this trip but. i think its better if their first pokemon come from prof oak later.

(gd i wish pom and vee were here for this that wouldve been amazing)

when they first got there leaf was worried that he was irritated he had to spend the whole semester with her there. he kinda scoffed and smirked at her and said something like “Are you kidding? I’d be angrier if you DIDN’T get the scholarship.” cuz they’re rivals. and he expects no less from her. he tells her something like its bad for his image if his rival isnt as good as him. he’s actually kinda happy that she’s there with him and he’s not gonna be all alone. 

this actually makes leaf really happy and kind of. sets the mood for the whole trip there

so they end up staying with this older couple who live in the heart of lumiose city and usually house the students every year. ofc they’re thrilled tho have leaf and green there. the wife owns a bakery/cafe and the husband works at the docks down in coumarine city. as a condition of them staying there, leaf helps with the bakery and green helps at the docks

when they first go there. they find out that. the kalos school doesnt require uniforms and theyre both kind of “???? so you just wear whatever??” greens perf fine with this but leafs kind worried bc she didnt bring THAT much clothes, so the couple takes both her and green shopping for kalos-style clothes. this is where leaf gets this outfit from and she LOVES IT shes adorable i love her so much

when green first sees her in it hes a little surprised because WOW what. “shes actually. kind of ok looking.” hes blushing shut up you idiot 

so they get to their new school and everyone intrigued by them oooo new transfer students whaaaat??? green right off the bat is all confident and doing his usual thing. winks at like 3 girls and they’re all fawning over him first thing.

but the school is very welcoming to them!! they get a lot of transfer student from all over the place so they have a lot of different people from different places!!

they actually have a pretty good time. a lot of the kids from school drop by the bakery just to. see leaf. same with the girls for green and business is good. amen. the couple is actually shook because they have so many profits

on weekends they get to go see kalos!!! its pretty.,. nice actually like esp traveling to like cyllage and laverre and anistar(leaf loves anistar city) 

and green is actually really enjoying theyre time there. it kind of feels like.,. dates.,. kind of.,. and he never voices it and STILL ACTS LIKE A JERK BUt.,. spending time with her here in kalos is actually kinda cool,,. we should do this more often, he thinks

they go to all the little cafes and explore that big mansion with the gardens, they actually get to go rollar skating around a couple times and ride gogoats like they live kalos life to the fullest

sometimes when they study at night he goes to her room and just chills with her on her bed (she has a huge bed and it’s really comfortable compared to his). they take turns reading the material out loud and leaf. really likes it when he reads she just lays there and stares at him and he. has a great voice shes dying a little here guys //

leaf always felt a little bit homesick. once when they were chilling in her bed she asked green if he missed home. he kinda sat there for a bit before answering with a “no, not really. it’s actually kind of nice to get away from everyone. there no real pressure to be anyone or do anything.” 

she wasnt exaclty sure what he meant but lowkey. he was actually talking. about her and him. because in kanto they’ve been rivals for so long it’d be weird to hang out with her and go see places like they do there. but no one in kalos really know them so hes just.,. ehuhhhhhh i dont wanna go home

okay ANOTHER THING THAT HAPPENED IN KALOS WAS THIS: at some point, one of the students at their school fell desperately in love with leaf and she. didn’t even like him at all. like he was just some persistent rich creep so yes. im doing this. no one can stop me. to get him to give up she asked green to pretend to be her boyfriend for like. a day or two just so he’d leave her alone. 

OFC GREENS LIKE SMIRKING THE WHOLE TIME SHES ASKING HIM THIS AND SHES BLUSHING AND EMBARRASSED BUT SHES TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE. 

greens actually a little irritated by this and is kinda ehh at first because. he doesnt wanna fool around and then actually catch feelings by accident (he doesn’t want to temp god like this hes already enjoying their time together) 

but shes. desperate and so after a few more pleads he.,. agrees and she kind of feels bad. so she apologizes for dragging him into this and then. she asks him “Can…can you handle it?” she didn’t mean it as an insult or anything she MEANT ARE YOU COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DO IT

but what HE HEARD was a CHALLENGE so he just. stops. and turns to her. and he grabs her by her waist and pulls her REAL close to him and leans in and just “Can you?” with the widest smirk and like. the sexiest voice. and she just becomes this blushing terrible mess and shes stammering over all her words and he just fokijnff laughs because god. this is gonna be fun. 

fhjkf this is horrible okay so. the next day at school ofc hes true to his word so here we go. they pretend like theyre going out. and its the biggest scoop of the whole place. girls are crying, teachers are shocked. in the distance, sirens.

green is a pro at this bc he teases her enough as is, now he just needs to take it a little further and he’s actually enjoying the reactions he’s getting from her. like he can fuckin gently grab her hand and she turns into a mess like why did i ask him to do this i am an idiot

when they get home that night green is just laughing his ass off because she., is terrible at this and he cant believe it. she makes up some excuse and after some banter and making fun of her, green tells her that if she really wants this to look convincing, she gotta get better control over it. hes smirking the whole time. so she gets even more flustered and asks if he has any great ideas, to which he replies yes.

lets practice, he says. and she if confused and honestly a little scared. she asks how and he actually. sighs and sits down in front of her and for once, is actually smiling instead of smirking. so he adds a “Don’t freak out.” before,. gently taking her hands in his. 

shes trembling and takes a deep breath before lacing her fingers with his and this. actually turns into a nice kind of moment. the whole time hes watching her eyes. and he can see shes still nervous so he tells her. “How about we pretend like… we’re actually together for a while.” 

and shes blushing like hell because oh my god shes liked him for so long and this is so nice with him but it actually hurts a little that its not real

so he,. slips his hands around her waist and pulls close and presses her against him and slowly nuzzles his nose in her hair 

and hes. actually kind of enjoying this. 

and this feeling boils in the pit of his stomach as his lungs fill with the scent of her hair and it sends shivers over his skin and he feels his hands tracing over the small of her back and the warmth of her body on his and through the foggy blurry haziness in his head the only thought that comes out is ‘Oh no.’

and then BAM one of their caretakers slams the door open with a “Hey kids, dinner is ready!” and green IMMEDATLY grabs her arms and pushes her away and his face his red. She responds with a shocked quiet “Oh, I hope I wasn’t inturrupting-” 

and they BOTH CUT HER OFF STAMMERING AND STUTTERING WITH “No it wasn’t what it looks like-!” “We were just- uh- practicing-!” “FOR THE SCHOOL DRAMA COMING UP-” “YEAH-” and shes just. giggling and a little surprised with an “Oh! Could’ve fooled me!” before she leaves. 

and green and leaf are just standing there in awkward silence and leaf is rubbing her arm while green is rubbing the back of his neck and she leaves with a brisk “I-I think we should go get dinner-” before they both go downstairs

the next day it turns out that rich creep was too heartbroken from seeing her with green the day before that he transfered schools entirely, so oh, I guess we don’t need to keep up the act anymore, and green answers with a yeah, cool, and ignores the small feelings of disapointment and covers it up by going back to his usual snarky self 

he forces himself not to think about this for a long time because he doesnt wanna get caught up in the feels. Leaf, however, thinks about it all the time because it was really nice, but green doesnt bring it up and they were just pretending anyway hes just used to being a flirt it wasnt a big deal for him

(it was)

that was the first time theyd ever been that close and also. the last time until saffron

they have a lot of adventures here that i cant. fit it all here but they had a really good time

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

[pjo-hoo-nextgen]

The First Quest X

Andy attempted to gain some knowledge as to why Maria and Jaxon were no longer on speaking terms, but not many people knew what had happened.

“I don’t get it,” Andy huffed, resting his chin on his hand. “They always fight but this is different.”

“Wrench,” Sol held out her hand expectantly and Andy placed the tool in her grip.

“If anything they’d have fixed it by now.” He paused in thought for a moment, tapping his fingers against his chin.

“Maybe they just need time apart.” Sol suggested making an unusual attempt at conversation.

“They hardly touch one another with an eight foot pole. They have plenty of time apart.” Andy laughed. Sol hummed in reply and settled her goggles back on her face. “I mean the bickering gets old but the silence is just...uncomfortable.”

“Some people have odd ways of doing things.” The motor Sol was working on gave a small attempt to start before fizzling out. “Crap. I swore I fixed it.”

“Try jiggling the knobby thing.” Andy pointed at a protrusion on the machine.

“That’s not what it’s called,” Andy noticed the small smile on her face and couldn’t help but sit up a bit taller. She took his advice anyways and sure enough the engine gave a mighty sputter before maintaining a low hum. “Yes! Finally!”

“Great! Now you can put it on the motorized dummy track for the training arena!” Andy hopped up from the stool he’d been sitting on.

“That’s the plan.” Sol nodded, moving to turn off the device. With a satisfied nod she tugged off her goggles and gloves.

“You got a little something.” Andy gestured to his own nose indicating the spot where Sol had a fair amount of grease plastered on her face.

“Again?” With a grunt of frustration Sol used the hem of her shirt to scrub at her face. The grease only smeared further over her nose and cheeks.

“Don’t do that!” Andy laughed. “You got it everywhere!”

“Ugh! I hate my life!” Sol huffed.

“Sit down. I got this.” Andy offered her the stool. Sitting, Sol watched him curiously until he came back with a squirt bottle, a surprisingly clean rag, and a mirror. “I will be your stylist today. I was trained in the art of beauty!”

With an impish grin Andy did a clumsy spin and struck a pose, spinning the bottle on his finger as if it were a ring of car keys.

“I hate you.”

“I know.” Andy winked. “Now let the master work.”

Sol sat perfectly still as Andy worked at cleaning away the stubborn residue. She’d had experiences like this before and her skin was often left red and raw from the rough material. This time, however, it was different. Andy managed to perform the task with ease being surprisingly gentle.

“Aaaaaaand, done.” He declared. “Take a look babe.”

Andy held up the mirror for Sol to check her reflection. “Not bad Grace.”

“Clean as a whistle.” Andy nodded. “Like I said...I’m the master.”

“Of dorkiness.” Sol scoffed tossing the dirtied rag at him.

“My feelings.” Andy feigned offense. “Anyways, we have a game of capture the flag to prepare for.”

“Indeed.” Sol nodded. “I have a feeling this will be very interesting.”

— — —

Indeed it was. Maria and Jaxon were inevitably on the same team once more. Only this time, Grey was left trying to manage the forces.

Maria and Jaxon had both adopted personal agendas and didn’t bother to acknowledge the rest of their team.

“Okay, so...I’m on defense. This is cool.” Andy talked to himself as he paced beside the flag.

“What’d you expect? We got our moment of glory last time. The other kids were destined to have a shot.” Sol frowned sitting on a rock and sharpening her blade. “But the schedule goes Wednesday-Friday for Capture the Flag games. We get another shot soon enough.”

“Yeah, but I expected more entertainment.” Andy paused in his pacing to kick a rock into the trees. At first neither of them noticed it but then it became quiet clear.

There was a commotion going on at the center of the battlefield. From the sound of it nearly everyone had stopped to watch. “Okay, I know we have to guard this but-“

“Come on.” Sol was already running in the direction of the noise with Andy following hot on her heels. The two stumbled from the woods to find a very alarming sight.

“Oh my Gods they’re trying to kill each other.” Andy breathed.

Despite being on the same team Jaxon and Maria were locked in a heated duel. Maria had a score to settle and she intended on restoring some of her pride.

Sol was the first to do anything. Being small she managed to worm her way through the gathered crowd. Andy squeezed his way through with a bit more effort.

“I said go to the right.” Jaxon growled.

“What I do is not up to you.” Maria replied slashing at him with her sword. Jaxon stepped to the side and lashed out in return. Maria arched her blade behind her back ending the strike. “You made it quite clear.”

Spinning Maria slashed angrily at Jaxon’s ankles. Leaping he twisted in the air sending a blast of air far more violent than he should have. Maria was knocked to the side, she tumbled a bit, before coming to a rest.

“Jaxon what are you doing?!” Andy demanded latching onto his brother’s arm.

Maria crawled to her feet, rolledher shoulders, and gave a twirl of her sword; a challenge.

“Enough. Both of you.” Grey stepped between the two raging demigods. “Knock it off.”

“Step aside Grey.” Maria’s voice was full of authority, dripping with the power only a true leader could muster.

“Make me.” The eldest boy raised his chin in defiance.

“Sorry.” Maria gave him an apologetic look before charging at Jaxon and using her elbow to nudge Grey aside. Jaxon shoved Andy away, who stumbled back into the crowd of people.

Sol’s anger flared up and despite herself her arms ignited in bright orange fire. Jaxon made another strike but Sol deflected the blade and caught hold of the weapon. The blade sizzled before the gold began to melt.

Jaxon looked down in surprise before it dawned on him that Sol was ruining his father’s blade. He’d just gotten it back from Thia via Hermes’ messenger friends: wind nymphs. Now, Sol was melting the gold into a bubbling puddle. On instinct he reacted.

Sol was blasted back into Maria causing both girls to collapse on the ground. There was the sound of a painful snap and a cry of pain.

“What is the meaning of this?” The demand came from Chiron who had finally made his way to the commotion.

Jaxon looked with teary eyes at the ruined heirloom in his hand. He had grown up using the blade, dreamed of smiting enemies as dangerous as his father had. It was gone now. Ruined.

Grey knelt beside Sol and Maria. “Are you two alright?”

“Ugh, yeah.” Maria mumbled rubbing her head. She glanced over at Sol only to find the young girl crying and nursing her very broken wrist. “Oh Gods.”

She wasn’t the only one to notice the injury. Grey’s eyes widened and he moved to help her. Andy flew into a rage. He tackled his brother to the ground despite his smaller stature and let his fists fly.

“What is wrong with you? Huh?” His fists stung painfully. “You can’t hurt people like that!”

“Stop!” Jaxon held his arms up to protect his face. “Andy, stop!”

The younger boy was thrown off with a buck of Jaxon’s hips. Jaxon wrapped his arms around Andy holding him still.

“Get off of me!” Andy yelled, squirming violently.

The commotion ended only when each of the demigods was dragged to the infirmary.

— — —

“I have no idea what’s gotten into all of you but you need to figure it out.” Jason stood with his arms crossed looking at each of the kids who sat nursing injuries. Grey was the only one completely unscathed.

“You cannot go around trying to kill each other! That’s not okay!” Annabeth who had also been selected to give the lecture pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I didn’t do anything.” Andy protested.

“You pummeled your brother.” Jason glowered. Andy opened his mouth to reply but Jason held up a hand. “Andy Clay Grace, do not argue.”

“So what’s the punishment?” Grey asked glumly.

“You’re all staying here until you sort it out. No leaving or going home.” Jason determined.

“That’s not fair!” Maria cried.

“Some of you can go home, Grey, Sol. You are both allowed to leave.” Neither of them made a move. “Or you can stay here if you wish.”

“Figure it out.” Annabeth shrugged. “It’s that simple. There’s no unity in anything if infighting this bad exists.”

— — —

And so they were left there to solve their problems. Maria selected her own little corner of the infirmary and claimed it her own. Jaxon did the same.

“Let me see it.” Grey knelt in front of the bed Sol sat on and gently took her bandaged wrist. “It should heal relatively well, maybe a bit of physical therapy will be needed, and no forge for some time.”

“Your dad said all of that already.” Sol mumbled. Sniffling she wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“Well, I learned from the best.” Grey stood and ruffled her hair. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get cleaned up.”

“Was it wrong to punch him?” Sol startled at Andy’s remark. He’d been so quiet she had hardly noticed him there.

“Yeah.” Sol nodded. Andy’s head was bowed and his bottom lip began to tremble.

“I just got mad. I didn’t mean to hurt him that bad but-I don’t like him when he’s like this.” Andy hardly cried and so Sol was left with a brief moment of surprise. She wasn’t sure what to do. She’d never been the best at comforting someone.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Sol gave a light punch to his arm with her good hand. “People mess up.”

“Yeah, but a good brother doesn’t punch his sibling.” Andy sniffled.

“A good brother also doesn’t push his sibling.” Sol slung her arm around Andy’s shoulders. He didn’t say anything else after resting his head on her shoulder. She let him cry and pretended not to notice for his sake.

— — —

Jaxon sat staring at the deformed blade. He couldn’t believe it. He wanted to cry. With an angered grunt he chucked it across the room where it clattered to the floor. “Stupid.”

Maria glanced in his direction and felt a tiny amount of sympathy for him. She did know how much the weapon meant to him. “Your dad won’t be mad you know.”

“Yeah right.” Jaxon huffed.

“He’s not that big of an ass.” Maria noted dryly. The conversation ended quickly and the infirmary was bathed in a permanent silence. Slowly the demigods began to drift off to sleep and the silence would remain until the morning.

[self-wonderland]

What au would fit tina and each ship best?

i love aus

thanks for sending this!!! ♥

okay so! shina woud def be fairytale au. as them being royalty, and probs betrothed… or maybe shiro saving tina from a dragon? except tina actually befriended the dragon that was just lonely and sick of being attacked and shit, and explained so to shiro, so shiro didnt harm the dragon, the dragon just became their friend and pet and everyone truly lived happily ever after

tidge would be roommate au!! they wouldnt know each other and would like study completely different things and everything, but theyd be comfortable living around each other, and theyd start getting more involved in what the other is studying and doing and theyd just end up knowing each other very well and start falling and everythings cute and pure. also theyd pull allnighters together and then die together

keina is!! man i dont know if theres an au for this and how its called?? tina just works reception at keith’s gym, and shes there when he gets there really early and its pretty much just them, and while she enjoys the sight, sometimes they chat when he stops for a break buys a bottle of water at the vending machines in front of the reception, shes bored and asks him questions and hes not that bothered, and they end up talking a lot and they get acquainted and then everytime keith comes in shes cheerfully saying goodmorning to him even if shes dying from tiredness (and proceeds to faceplant on the desk and be like “kill me i hate being here so early in the morning”. he snorts and is like “and whose cute face am i supposed to see if youre not here?”. he realises what he said and they both blush and he just nyooms to the changing rooms)

tince coffee shop au!! lance works at the coffee shop, tina is there often because she likes the coffee and its a cute quiet cozy place she feels comfortable in so she comes in whether to do work or just spend some time, esp when shes in a bad or depressive mood and she needs to be away from home but somewhere she feels safe. lance always cheers her up and he always knows what to say without going overboard and making her uncomfortable! lance doesnt want to be too bold so he never gives her his number but one day she comes in and she tries to be chill but its obvious shes crumbling from depression and whatever happened at home so she just slumps over an armchair and orders the usual with a weak voice and just keeps her head down and just kind of tries not to cry and breakdown there and then, and lance gets it and does super cute latte art and gives her her favourite pastry even if its not her usual because its more expensive, and he pays everything for her, and asks someone to cover for him for a few minutes (and uses up his break for that, pretty much) and joins her and likes the way she lights up at the sight of the pastry, and when lance tells her that the bill is already been taken care of, and he tries to ask her whats wrong and she doesnt reply but she folds up a little more and looks away so its obvious she doesnt want to talk about it, so lance casually changes subject like “you know whats wrong in my life?” and dramatically retells of like something super stupid that happened, probably with his siblings, and makes her laugh and cheers her up and never leaves her alone, for the entirety of his break (that his coworkers make as long as they can before they need him back or theyll die, but their coffee shop isnt usually busy so thats good luck), and just takes her mind off of stuff and makes her feel better and she? appreciates it so much. and when hes like “ah man they need me back, theres not enough lance for everyone! ill see you later, sweetcake” but before he can leave she calls to him and just thanks him and hes like, “im always here for a cute girl like you” and winks at her before going back to work.

she finishes her coffee and before leaving she writes her number on a piece of paper and when she brings her cup and plate back she also leaves the paper, making sure lance sees it, and leaves.

he calls her as soon as hes off and they start going on dates and theyre adorable. i wrote too much about this. i swear i didnt think about this before.

tink highschool au!! theyre in a lot of the same classes and they exchange notes sometimes when they sit close and they end up helping each other a lot in different subjects so they end up sitting next to each other more often and end up being friends and then start liking each other eyyy

allina mermaid au!! tinas the mermaid and shes so curious of the humans?? (or… alteans whatever) and shes told repeatedly to not contact the humans but she decides to take secret trips to the beach anyway ofc. she sees from far away allura, sitting on the beach humming and enjoying the dawn with her feet in the water and she looks so calm and so pretty that tina decides that, since no one else is around, she wants to try and get closer! allura is at first confused about who would be out in the water at that time, but she then sees her tail and is so excited?? and tina at first is scared but allura still has a calming aura so she explains with a soft voice that she wont hurt her, shes just never seen someone like her, is she a mermaid? so tina slowly gets closer and nods, and they end up talking a lot about each others kingdoms and cultures because theyre both curious people, and tina never gets caught and allura is smart about how to avoid being caught and respects tinas wish of not being known to anyone else so she keeps it to herself, but they meet most nights at the beach and sometimes they play around, but mostly they talk. and they never end up married or anything, in my idea of this au, but they do end up having really strong romantic feelings for each other, so they decide to start dating. and its all a secret and all, but they meet often, and tina gives her a special seashell they can literally call with whenever they cant see each other or alluras on a trip or if they just want to hear each others voice during the day, and they definitely have good morning calls!!! and allura is a princess so she needs to marry for her kingdom, but it is always clear to everyone in the kingdom - and to alluras spouse - that it is not a love marriage, just a marriage for the good of the kingdom, and her spouse is a good friend and confidant (although theyre never told about tina either) and they respect it and alluras such a good queen anyway that no one doubts the ability for her and her spouse to be good rulers without being actually romantically involved. so allura still secretly dates tina and tina knows of this and shes?? so touched that allura still wants to date her and didnt want to forget about her to have a love marriage?? tina loves her so much. she just peppers her with kisses so much for a good deal of nights. theyre happy and in love and dating is enough for both of them

[eyelidviewing]

Formal coming out

Omg 🙈🙈 idk how many times I've came out or have hinted very obviously, or straight up told yall. Idk if any of yall remembered or even paid enough attention to know. But , pride month is right around the corner. This summer, because my really unsupportive dad is moving, I am taking steps forward. Sure, baby steps. But they are still steps.

First and foremost, if you do not like what you are about to read, unfollow. If you refuse to respect me, unfollow. If you are overall going to be an absolute fucking asshat bitch about it, unfollow. Simple as that.

4th grade, when I had this account, I was getting deeper into puberty (started in 3rd). This made me feel whack as hell!! I didn't know what the fuck my chest was doing and I sure as hell didnt like it. Whatd I do? Binded. Tight ass sports bras, double stacked. I still had short hair, I was semi passing.

I didnt know what the fuck I was doing. I was asked often "are you a boy or a girl?" And I obviously fucking wasnt a girl. I told everyone I was a boy. I told them I wanted to be called a boy. Granted, everyone thought this was a joke but still followed my wishes anyway. Thanks to the ones who did that LMAO idek if you remember but I do and I am forever grateful.

I then learned what transgender was because of my cousin. She thought she was trans because her ex boyfriend was and told her she was too. My mom was confused but supported her choices. My dad wasnt on board.

I then realized "OH shit. That's a thing?" But because internalized transphobia is a thing, I refused. And I wanted my dad to actually love me lmao. Then I discovered the toxic internet LGBT community and was like "I'm genderfluid xe/xem, I'm asexual demigender bisexual" and I was just. Confused. And if you have been here long enough and remember, I actually had that in my bio!! Pronouns and all!! I did they/them for a while as well!!

My dad eventually got sus and I stopped. He has always wanted me to be girly. From the start he wanted me to be this princess and shit. And growing up I wanted him to not be disappointed in me and actually love me. So whatever he suggested and bought for me, I wore it. Why? Because I didnt want him to fucking hate me !! In 6th he bought me makeup and I didnt know what to do. I started wearing that shit and tbh I started getting hella good at it 😳😳 whenever I didnt wear makeup hed tell me how disappointed he was and how ungrateful I am cuz he bought me it. And if u know my dad u know how much he has made me hate myself !!

I did this shit up until November 2018.

I tried to fit this image my parents, specifically my dad, had for me. And it brought so much pain. It has caused me to hurt myself, thought about doing things to myself to relieve dysphoria *cough* scissors to chest *cough*, and really made my depression worse than it already was.

November 2018 I binded for the first time in 3-4 years.

I looked in the mirror. I saw how flat my chest was. I started sobbing. I bursted out into tears because this. This is how it is supposed to be. This is me. I was late for school because I had to change out of it and finish getting ready while my ride ( jacey 😎 ) was waiting for me.

I hinted towards 2 friends about it.

I was talking about how confused I was and how much it hurt to look in the mirror, take a shower, looking down. Doing anything really. And they comforted me. Told me theyd love me no matter what.

November 2018 was the same month I came out.

I was scared.

Because of the makeup I used to wear to please everyone, especially my family.

I was shaking while typing into my groupchat at the time that I have something to say.

My 2 friends supporting me and telling me it's okay and itll be fine

I finally send the message. Gc is silent for a little bit.

The amount of love and support I got was amazing.

Even if I'm not friends with some of those people anymore I will be forever grateful because of how well they comforted me and reassured me itd be okay.

Next day I told my mom

BIG ASS STEP LMAOOO I WAS POPPING IN CONFIDENCE

My mom was really, really confused. Still is.

She came home and made me, her and my sister sit down and talk before my dad came home. I broke down.

I told them how I've known. I've known since 4th grade but I've been so scared to tell them because I was scared they wouldnt love me anymore. Theyd be disappointed that I'm not their daughter.

They support me

My dad doesnt know still

I'd like to keep it that way

Everyone through the beginning of this journey has been amazing and helpful.

Even the ones, especially my mom n sister, who dont understand

So with that being said !! To sum it all up!! The words I am still terrified of saying !!

I, Audie, am transgender. Ftm (female to male) I go by he/him pronouns. I am a boy.

Also I'm disaster bisexual LMAO

If u dont like that uhh please unfollow I dont wanna deal with that.

If we are friends, I hope to God you dont change your views. I hope you dont ghost me or some shit. I have good friends rn and if I lose them because of this I'd literally be so heartbroken.

[tumblunni]

AAAAGH internet

Cmon maaaaan give me a breaaaaak

Im STILL wasting loads of money on mobile internet cos this is TWICE ive called them and they said theyd send a repairman and ive waited abd then no repairman and i call them and they say "nope no record of booking a repairman here"

This is now my THIRD ATTEMPT and its been a week and im officially 100% broke thanks to this

And i barely even have any mobile internet left and i dont have any more money to buy more until the 25th aaaaagh! I KNEW it was bad to do something for my birthday, i knew i should have just stayed at home like a sad sack and saved the money just in case...

AUUUUUGHHHHH

And now i just found out i dont have anyone giving me a lift to the Integrated Autism Team meeting on wednesday and i cant afford a taxi and itd be SO STRESSFUL on the bus because its like three buses to a place ive never been before and then a mile long walk thru twists and turns to find this place and GAHH i wouldnt eveb have taxi money in case i get lost AND my mobile data will probably be gone by then so i cant even use goog maps...

And ive asked to borrow money from my friends SO MANY TIMES LATELY so i'd feel so awful doing it again! And i havent even paid back the last 15 bucks a friend gave me for that stupid situation where i got lost at 2am and needed a taxi home.

aAAAAAAGH

But on the 25th i get my Big Main Monthly Payment and hopefully all this shit will be sorted by then so i wont have any more Huge Spending Out Of Nowhere Moments and i can just finally pay everyone back! Like man i cant even give u guys fanart as thanks cos no internet means i can only badly photograph stuff on my phone and i cant give you a Big Cool Coloured Version

But aaaaagh at least i accomplished a one thing today i guess?? I talked to the Scary New Support Workers and they turned out to be Really Nice Actually. A team called FORT which stands for something something THERAPY probably maybe. There were two of them and they were Super Cool Young Doods named Bryony and Evan. And it was stressful having to talk in big detail about my childhood abuse AGAIN and my ptsd AGAIN to new people who needed to ask EVEN MORE invasive questions. But they were just SO nice about it! They straight up actually asked my gender pronouns and were supportive when i explained it to them and just aaaaaa *sigh of relief so huge i straight up melt into atoms and blow away on the wind*

I like.. Actually got to talk to them about how it added a huge extra level of stress at park road that people were really inconsiderate and quite prying about my LGBTness ans such. And how absolutely great it is to meet some medical professionals who care about being welcoming to diverse patients! Like i absolutely understand people not understanding my gender, i mean i am a minority within a minority after all. But god its so refreshing to just be able to..like..explain it rather than defend it? I dont have to "prove" it exists?? Constantly with different people every day?? And be told that its too difficult for them to remember?? Just getting basic levels of consideration was so great and i feel so much more able to trust them.

Also Bryony had really cool style like the sort of "librarian chic" i always aim for. And she was the main support worker while Evan was her assistant so i didnt talk to him much, but he's a Cool Gamer Dude and we had a fun small chat about how the Ps4 is a terrible beast machine that chugs along with train noises that almost block out the game XD and he was wearing a cool vault tec company logo thing and is excited about the new fallout, so yay! Neither of them play pokemon but they listened to me babble about how the new game lets you give pikachu LITTLE HAIRCUTS and Bryony was like "wow technology has come so far" and i think i actually got her a little interested in getting back into the series, haha? Anyway it was just nice to end a stressful conversation about illness and trauma with a few gaming babbles, lol.

Still have a huge stress headache tho and i wish this wasnt so early in the morning cos now its kinda left me exhausted before the day's even begun. But i feel proud that i was able to do the stressful THIRD TIME CALLING THE DAMN INTERNET GUYS right after this other stressful thing! Tho i did manage to handle it but i think maybe it was too much at once and thats why the big headache. Hope these pain meds kick in soon! I need to finally have my late breakfast cos maybe having them on an empty stomach is why theyre so slow? I aint know science!

So umm yeah that went mostly okay and im hopeful that these new support workers will be good because they said theyre focused more on extracurricular activities like classes and voluntary work and social groups to meet other people with similar mental illness. They left me a few leaflets to look through so hopefully i can understand it all a bit more then? But i feel proud of myself cos it wasnt too long ago that i was too scared to have meetings with anyone inside my own living room, and now ive done it a grand total of twice! And also spoken to annoying tech support on the most stressful phone conversation three wholee times! Just..please dont make it four ok...

Ok now bunni go lie down again. Instead of making breakfast. Because seriously this day has already felt too long and its only been two hours...

[isaacathom]

to top it off, why did Jun take Seren

the issue is why he would do that. the only way it works is if the group in the base were woefully uninformed and didnt know how many people had come. after all, as far as the grunts know, there were only two people - Seren and Elliot. and if elliot ran off, then its just Seren. especially since the team knows that the organisation will NOT arrive until they’re sure most of the team is off premises, as part of The Scheme. so if Jun wholeheartedly believes that its likely to take an hour or so for everyone to get out, and therefore MORE than an hour for help to arrive for Seren (this also assuming Elliot is a total fucking coward, which he is), he wouldnt be able to leave her behind. but he also cant adminster quick help because, yknow, he’s gotta fucking flee. if hes caught, its all over for him and his family. it ruins everything. he hates being in the Team, but the least he can do is not be caught doing that, so he can keep providing for his family, yknow.

so then, whats he to do? he doesnt want to leave her there, in case it takes ages OR if they dont even find her (still assuming Elliot is a coward, which the Team either already knew in general or Jun is assuming based on his prior behaviour), that’s something that will weigh on him. if he turns on the news in a few days time and finds out a body was discovered in the Team base or that this girl has gone missing, it will fucking shatter him. he’s fairly confident shes not THAT badly injured, but its less that he thinks she’ll die there and more that he’s concerned she’ll wake up alone and get lost trying to get home, lost to the sandy dunes. thats terrifying. thats terrifying for a man whose moral code is to help everyone he can (which makes him being in the Team an ethical nightmare for him and he honestly hates it with all his being)

so, he takes Seren. it was his only choice, based on what he knew. had he knows that Elliot would change his mind less than half an hour later and return, he wouldve probably just fixed her position and then left her there. but he didnt. it probably turned out for the best on the whole, since, if nothing else, it lead to her having a loving family again, which she wouldve been hard pressed to find otherwise. especially with Seren promptly falling out with Elliot once she comes to. lose that entire support network. just her, on her own. so even if Jun has any regrets about taking her, she allays them frequently.

that works. then he has to like, actually leave. he’s the last one out of the building, since he’s helping seal some doors. and he’s the one who radios in with something that sounds rather innocuous. ‘yea [CEO], i got home safe after tonight’ done. [CEO] sends in the org. the clean up crew is in. but he also has to actually get home. bearing in mind the base he was working out is out in the north western desert, and he lives in like, the centre east. what sorta flying pokemon does he need to have for something like that. fuck. uh.... thats actually a good question. like its gotta be big enough to carry two people (of rooouuuughly equal mass. roughly. he probably weighs a little more but in terms of general size Seren IS taller than him). and in a stable way. im thinking.... salamence or a togekiss? togekiss arent super small, i dont see why it couldnt carry them back east. a salamence definitely could but WOULD a doctor have a salamence. at least togekiss makes thematic sense. Jun is basically the fairy/psychic specialist in the Team, lmao. you could also have pelipper but thatd also be kinda weird. i like togekiss.

thatd be a long fucking flight home, though. i mean, fuck. theyd probably need to stop on the way. itd look pretty weird too, if anyone saw. the implication is noone saw them - if they had, the investigation into serens disappearance wouldnt have stalled. they probably stuck to the north, which is fairly rural and kept low. stop a few times, warm everyone up, check to make sure the girl is ok and maybe do the basic first aid now. though the idea is he actually does that just before he calls in. then its just checking shes alright from there.

he probably doesnt get home till like 5, which is after Elliot gets home as well. possibly even longer, since the idea of the east of the region being p rural comes from the mountains being Big Ol Fucks. and theres only three routes through them - the first is to go over them, which requires going really high, which not everyone is capable of doing (for a variety of reasons). the second is to go through them, like, through the caves, which isnt an option for Jun. and the third is to go around. if Jun comes from the north, he can POSSIBLY go around from the north end where there are some lower routes. so like. late ass morning. buddy better hope he doesnt have work that day. gets home late, scaring the absolute fuck out of Bronwyn, who is sleeping restlessly because she knows Jun is ‘at work’ and its later than normal. so he arrives home and she jolts out of bed and edges downstairs (trying not to wake Lyndelle, which is actually probably successful) and then sees her husband coming in the back door with a teenage girl in his arms and its like ‘honey what the actual fuck’

thatd be awkward. ‘listen honey i can explain but first i should make her comfortable so she can rest’ ‘...... alright, let me help’ *a few charged minutes later as they close the door to the spare bedroom* ‘alright Jun what the fuck is going on. why are you home so late’ ‘Bron i wouldve thought that was kiiiinda obvious’ ‘Jun’ ‘ok, so the girl and an older man raided the base, and some grunts roughed them up. the man fled, and the grunts knocked her out. i didnt wanna leave her behind in case the man didnt come back, sooo.....’ ‘jun if they find out we have her youre fucked’ ‘......fuck’ ‘i wish you would think these things through’ ‘listen Bron, we’ll just look after her for a day or two, just make sure she’s alright. see if anything pops up in the news. we’ll work from there’ ‘you mean we’ll send her home, right?’ ‘probably? i dont know. it depends what happens.’ ‘You’re a worry. were you seen?’ ‘i dont think so.’ ‘alright.’ and then idk, they probably go to bed. Jun’s guilty. Bronwyns kinda pissed. Lyndelle, at this blissful stage, has absolutely no idea whats happening. she doesnt find out until she gets home from school the next day and sees Seren through the open door and immediately gets spooked. wouldnt you be? fuck. though she probably gets a slight tip off when she wakes up that morning and is like ‘wheres dad?’ ‘still in bed, dear - he had to stay late at work’ ‘oh, ok’ bearing in mind even at this early stage she VAGUELY knows Jun is in the Team. of course then she hears all about the hot news at school and its like ‘hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm right’. so shes vaguely prepared for ominous shit at home but NOT for a girl her age sitting quietly in her spare bedroom reading the paper. i mean, the fucks up with that, yknow.

i had like 3 breaks in the time it took to write this but i guess the tl;dr Jun was unaware there were other people inside the base and believed Elliot had completely fled, and thus felt obligated to help Seren. WITH the end goal of helping her get better in a few days and then sending her back home with some sort of note that wouldnt be identifiable but would explain the story. of course we know it doesnt go that way and they basically end up adopting her as Rhia Stanton, but, yknow, its the thought that counts