#i wish i had adhd medication

[oatlystrawberryicecream]

On august 20th, days after his 18th birthday, Jason Todd comes back to Gotham. He stops by the cemetery on a whim, hops the fence and wanders in the dark. Row after row of wreaths and flags and crosses. It is under the cypress tree that he finds his name, he gets kinda choked up when he realizes. There is a large display of silk flowers, all reds and yellows and tasteful sprigs of green. A smaller real bouquet of forget-me-nots and gladioli for strength of character and hyacinths for sorrow has wilted in the summer heat. Next to it he finds a can of his favorite soda, a few unopened packs of baseball cards, and a pack of smokes. They got the right brand and everything. Jason can’t be sure if he is laughing or sobbing. There is an angel statue keeping watch, and he wont meet her eye. After a while he wipes his tears and gets to his feet. He misses home more than he can admit to even himself but it doesn’t change what he has to do.

[heartual]

i think i’m gonna try to stick it out for a month (A MONTH) on 3mg of vraylar and if it doesn’t improve i’m coming off of it because my god the restlessness and boredom is so crazy i can’t even describe it

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.

[wren-kitchens]

yk when you can feel yourself starting to stop caring about stuff you love and you are White Knuckling through it because no I Will still love this so fucking help me

[flamboyant-king]

You know me. I like barely ever show any NOT SAFE FOR WORK drawings on here. So instead, I'm sharing drawings of my face AS I was drawing each NOT SAFE FOR WORK thing.

And the subject is right there, smack dab in the middle. Being tormented by the sins of the egg. (I drew him really cute but I can't share the rest.)

ALSO, I'd like to state that it's not corngraphic except like two maybe, it's more so like violent. We are all just having fun beating this guy up. Like, step right up and stomp on his face type shih. I never ever ever draw violent stuff, unless it's lewling related, so this is like cathartic.

This uhh feeling will fade after Halloween hopefully and we'll go back to our regularly scheduled wholesomeness and cammypus.

[atypi-cals]

man, I miss high-school. i know I know I was miserable as shit all the time but I blame that for living in a toxic, abusive environment. I'm just so isolated now. I wish I could have gone into a building full for hundreds of other people my age every day, learn new stuff for free, and be at my best self there, not the undiagnosed unrecognized traumatized confused little wreck I was back then.

[mem-fr]

🐻

🐻 Your go-to things to draw when you need comfort?

ngl it really is dragons lol . i've been obsessed with dragons since i was like 10 , and they largely pushed me into drawing as a constant hobby . ( especially lugia , which i know is not a dragon type but i think we can all agree is basically a dragon . )

other than that it’s probably whatever my main roleplaying muse is at the time . for around ten years , up until recently , that was toothiana from the guardians of childhood series , so i have a lot of art of her laying around . she’s really fun to paint with all her colours .

and it’s not really a specific thing , but i like to get bolder and more abstract when i’m just vibing , so those things combined result in stuff like this ( although these examples in particular are both very old ) .

[catharsisthequeer]

I was put in the "Talented and Gifted" program in 1st grade. I was proud of that for a lot of my childhood, because I was a dumbass kid who didn't have the foggiest about what it actually meant. All I knew was that my parents praised me for how smart I was, and I craved that approval like a drowning man craves air. It didn't last though, that sort of thing never does.

I had additional circumstances to fuck me up severely, but being labeled gifted only helped to screw my mental health further. I had to be the best or else I was nothing. I still suffer from a lot of the leftovers from that, including perfectionist paralysis, low self esteem, a sense of forshortened future, and difficulty with setting boundaries. It also helped to isolate me socially, though I'm pretty sure the undiagnosed neurodivergencies did a non-insignificant amount of the work there (I did get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult). Literally last week I was crying over having to ask for help because I was so afraid my instructor, the person I pay to teach me, would judge me for not being perfect.

In short, singling children out is a great way to give them trauma. Don't do that. Also TAG can burn in hell, all it did was raise everyone's expectations for me while leaving me with exactly zilch for a support structure.

people misunderstand what ‘gifted kid’ actually means but it’s ok it’s fine it’s cool it’s good

[hippopotatoe]

getting off the adhd meds that worked really made me realize just how much they worked. i'm exhausted. i don't understand how the fuck i made it through school in my childhood at all; everything breaks my concentration if i even manage to focus on things at all. i need to write everything down because i forget Everything. i come home from work and sleep and can't do shit all for the rest of the night because i'm just so fucking tired but i also can't relax bc i need to DO something or i'll Die. i can't fall asleep at night bc my whole being screams after entertainment. etc etc. like i took my meds 3 times/week - sometimes up to 5 - but apparently it was enough to take the load off on those days to make the rest of the week work. the pills i'm on now do shit all except maybe making me more tired. they weren't prescribed by my usual doctor and i doubt how much she was involved in the decision bc she knows i can't handle anything that might make you tired

[transfusible]

complaining and yapping under the cut.

I got yelled at by a pharmacist on the phone lol. she didn't answer any of my questions & I still don't know what's going on with my medication that i am out of.

I have never and will never raise my voice or get personally angry at someone working with customers. I'll admit, though, that I did lose my composure, start to cry, then hung up on her mid-sentence out of embarassment for crying. I regret hanging up mid sentence, but I do not want to be spoken to like that.

[imconfusedbutok]

oh the urge to make art an animations of my OC’s and edit them to phonk songs

too bad I can do pretty much neither of those things

[kabretoss]

The class aspect is even more insidious -- even folks who didn't grow up with access to treatment, but who had more stable home lives economically, benefit over those who don't. Because stress exacerbates symptoms, and early-life stress sets the stage for a nervous system that gets more easily stressed in adulthood, home life in childhood even beyond whether or not someone gets treatment can influence the degree to which they are disabled by their symptoms later in life.

Dr. Russell Barkley on YouTube is an invaluable source for discussion of the scientific research into ADHD. What he certainly isn't is uplifting. He is very strongly in the camp of "ADHD as maladaptive/disordered" belief. Unfortunately, his dispassionate (infuriatingly dispassionate) reviews of the science do largely support this view.

I've taken a lot of solace in a sense of community with others with ADHD. I love us! But just because many of us manage to shine despite ADHD doesn't mean it's the ADHD that did it.

I've come to suspect that there's a sort of survivorship bias in how media made by and for ADHD people talks about us. That is, the people who are in the penal system, or too broke and unemployable to have stable internet access, or, well, dead, aren't the ones telling our stories. But trouble with the law, poverty, accidental death, and suicide are absolutely a well-attested part of our story. It's not all manic pixie dream girls and weird musicians.

[tinystepsforward]

What do you think the chances are that Mud Pit is gonna be ousted by the people who need Automattic to have good will in the eyes of the community to actually get anything out of this site and wattpad

I know it’s probably low but the fact that he’s acting like a poorer Elon Musk is making my skin crawl and making me hope that a second lawsuit hits the company

ok here's the thing. he is meant to be on sabbatical. automattic gives employees a three-month paid sabbatical every 5 years, so that they can have a break from the product they work on and come back rested and with a new perspective.

matt has never taken one before now. he spent the entire leadup to his sabbatical posting increasingly wild shit in public channels at the company (like the chess thing, or trying to get people to buy a friend's product, or the entire fracas with taking over the wordpress.org twitter account. wordpress.org is an independent non-profit that he is not the ceo of).

i mention this because people were hoping (including me) that he really would actually log off, have a chill time (or, idk, whatever kind of time CEOs who go off the grid bc they got flooded in at burning man like to have), and let the interim CEO get a chance to do a better job. that would help the board make a decision based on data.

he was very clearly spiraling before he even left, and then within the first few days of Company Sanctioned Log Off Time he's pulled multiple Classic Matt things on multiple parts of the company before showing up here. this whole thing is so deeply unfunny but it also is a bit of a tom and jerry or looney tunes bit, where i can only imagine HR or Legal is chasing him around the various accounts/platforms with a comically large inflatable baseball bat and he's just evading them.

he can't do that in person, but he still gets a lot of leeway generally. at the last division meetup (irl meeting for employees, flown from all over the world) he showed up twitchy and exhausted and hyped in a way that was very familiar to me from flatmates who used to steal and snort my adhd medication, then proceeded to drink so much over the course of an evening answering questions from his employees that he had to be firmly babysat off the stage and walked back into the lobby of the hotel to sober up.

i made eye contact with him that night, before he dropped his head back into his hands. two people relatively high up in the company were sitting with him, silently watching him as he struggled to sober up. it wasn't the first drunk shenanigan of his i witnessed at one of these, and this is purely opinion but i have to assume that his current behavior is the result of suddenly having time on his hands to have the world's longest bender and post through it.

back to your question: i do not know if what he's done is enough to get the board to remove him. i wish it didn't have to come to this to hope that they will. but we'll find out.

[barcaatthemoon]

jitterbug || barcelona x teen!reader ||

the team helps you navigate through some of your adhd struggles after your cousin leaves.

you were practically sprinting through the parking lot as keira trudged along behind you. it wasn't that she was purposefully dragging her feet, just that she was tired. you had run out of medication a couple of days ago, and the pharmacy was taking their time refilling your perscription. it was hard, but keira reminded herself that she had promised lucy that she'd look after you when the defender moved to chelsea.

"jitterbug is hyper today," aitana said as she fell in step with keira. everybody on the team knew about your adhd, something that lucy had warned them about before you joined the team. you were lucy's younger cousin, who had come all the way from england to join her in playing for barcelona. back in england, you had made quite the name for yourself before joining during january of the last season.

"she's out of medicine, but ona is supposed to pick the pills up. god, i hope she gets here soon. i swear that it feels like i haven't slept in days," keira sighed. she glanced ahead to see you jumping up and hanging on a door frame like you were spiderman. "hey, no! get down from there before you hurt yourself!"

"do a pull up!" cata called out from behind keira. instead of listening to your guardian, you listened to the goalkeeper. she often teased you about being small and weak, despite knowing that you were pretty young. you were barcelona's youngest signing, only having recently turned 16.

"bug, please get down from there," keira said as she stepped beneath you. she had a hold on your legs, one that you knew she wouldn't let go of until you were on the ground. reluctantly, you let go of the top of the frame and let keira set you on the ground.

once you were steady on your feet, you shot off towards the locker room. most of your teammates were quietly trying to get ready, nobody a fan of the early morning practice. unfortunately for them, you were buzzing from an all-nighter. keira had given up trying to get you to sleep around two that morning, and she wished that she would have realized it was a lost cause earlier in the day.

"(y/n), sit down and put your boots on," alexia told you as she pulled you down onto a bench. you were squirming a lot as you sat there, enough so that you could barely tie your boots up. everybody was watching you out of the corner of their eyes, hopeful that you'd calm down before you got out to the pitch.

"bug, come on, let's get some extra laps in," patri said as she reached a hand out towards you. you glanced past patri at keira, silently asking permission. keira just nodded, and you raced off to the pitch with patri. behind the two of you, pina and a few of the other girls walked along.

"has ona said anything about having bug's medicine?" alexia asked keira. she didn't want to come off as mean, but there was no way you'd make it very long in practice without it. you were practically pinging around everywhere and horribly unfocused. alexia knew that you'd get yourself in trouble, and she couldn't stand to see the sad look on your face when it inevitably happened. all you wanted was to make lucy and everybody else proud, and it destroyed you to get reprimanded, especially at practice.

…

"i can't go on," patri huffed as she fell onto the ground. you had yet to notice that your opponent had stopped. there were no signs that you had even begun to get tired yet.

"she just keeps going and going," jana said in awe.

"i think she's even faster than ona," pina mumbled. everything was going fine until you decided to get a little fancy with your running and completely wiped out. immediately, pina and patri were rushing over to check on you. so many of their teammates would have your head if you got injured. you were working your way up to a regular sub, but even more than that, you were like the team baby. everybody loved you, even whenever you were really hyper.

"hey bug," patri said softly. there were no tears, but your nose was definitely bleeding. pina called out for one of the girls to bring a towel over while patri checked you for any serious injuries. you felt fine, and within a couple of minutes of sitting down, you wanted to get up again. luckily for the girls watching you, ona came sprinting over with your medicine and a water bottle.

"why are you so sweaty?" ona asked as she looked at patri with a bit of disgust.

"endurance test," patri answered. she left you alone with ona to get herself a bottle of water and a snack.

"hi oni," you greeted happily. you loved your cousin's girlfriend, she was one of your favorite people on the team. you hoped that lucy was smart enough to lock ona down soon because you doubted the spanish woman was as patient as keira.

"hola jitterbug. i need you to take one of these for me please." ona placed your medicine bottle in your hands. you took your one pill and then handed it back to ona for safe keeping. eventually you'd be the keeper of your own medication, but for now, one bottle stayed with keira and one stayed with ona. you went back and forth between their two apartments, switching every other week.

…

keira was going to kill you for being late. even worse than that, lucy was pissed. she had probably waited forever hoping that you'd get home on time. lucy was busy, and she had set out time specifically to speak with you and keira. it was really to talk to you, but you weren't at ona's this week. besides, lucy could get information about you from keira that she couldn't from you or ona.

"i swear that i meant to get back sooner!" you shouted as you burst through the door. you were absolutely drenched in sweat and more than a bit sunburnt. keira turned around and raised an eyebrow at the state of you. she was on the phone with someone, so you quickly and quietly went to the bathroom to shower.

you took your time getting ready out of it. you didn't want to face keira or keira's wrath. it was really more of a lecture than anything. you had just convinced her to give you more freedom, and the first night you try to exercise it, you fuck it up like this. maybe you should have never left england because you didn't feel like you were doing good at all here.

"hi bug. did you have a good time?" keira asked as she sat down on the edge of your bed. you should have known keira saw through your "i'm going to bed" bit so early. you rarely went to sleep before midnight, and never willingly.

"i did, sorry that i missed lucy's call," you apologized. keira placed her hand under your chin and tilted your head up a bit so that you were looking at her. "i swear that i meant to set an alarm. i swear that i did."

"it's okay. lucy is pouting about you spending time with a girl instead of her, but it's fine. you were with someone that we trust, and you once you realized that you were late, you rushed back home. now, tell me, did you have a good time?" keira asked. you nodded, smiling a bit as a blush rose to your cheeks. "you're being safe, right?"

"keira!" you exclaimed. you tried to turn and bury your face in your pillow as keira cackled. "i can't believe you'd ever insinuate something like that!"

"i think that you forget i was a teenager once, not to mention that you're a bronze. the team might treat you like a little kid, but you're 16. someone should have this talk with you bug, and it's not like lucy sees you as anyone except for the little toddler who followed her everywhere."

"i didn't help that by following her to barcelona," you reasoned. keira just laughed, knowing that lucy never would have stayed as long as she did if you hadn't signed that midseason. as much as you had grown to mean to the team, you were a million times more important to lucy than anything or anyone else. you were practically her child.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hey so, maybe an odd question, but did you feel like a different person when you started T? I’m a trans guy and am trying to figure out weather I want to do hormones. A lot of the physical effects sound really great, but I’m kind of scared of what it might do to me mentally. A friend of mine has to take it for medical purposes and he absolutely HATES it. He feels like it turns him into an entirely different person that he hates being and completely destroys his capacity for creativity or emotions of any kind. This can’t be everybody’s experience right?

Heya! Answering this on public for folks to chime in with their own personal anecdotes. (Including bad emotional effects - let's be respectful that not everyone has a great HRT experience. I'd imagine each of us struggles with something we don't like about T.)

Testosterone took the edges off my negative emotions. I stopped frustration crying nearly overnight and got a lot less irritable. My explosive temper went down to a low simmer. I suddenly felt like I had patience for the first time in my life. I don't have as many autistic meltdowns now, and when they do happen, it's more me pacing in circles than breaking something.

I still feel emotions like sadness, but it's harder to physically cry. I haven't noticed any changes to my creativity. I feel happier, but that has more to do with not being closeted anymore.

I'm definitely hornier on T, and that sometimes converts into irritability, something I can control with mindful behavior.

What can shock some trans folks is that HRT won't solve all your mental problems. Testosterone has not helped my Depression that's unrelated to gender dysphoria, so I still battle with cycles of wretched ennui. It also hasn't helped my ADHD, and I sometimes wonder if it's even made me a bit more forgetful. That said, HRT removed a ton of background radiation in my life to where I am now better equipped to deal with my mental illnesses.

Even though my experience has been overwhelmingly positive, I have had a few trans masc folks tell me that they felt like T deadened their emotions in an unpleasant way. The odds are in your favor, but it sucks if you're the one who gets bad results. But I would imagine that your emotions would recalibrate once you'd stop HRT.

But overall, I felt like I was trapped in teenage-level emotional turmoil well into my 30s (when I transitioned), and T makes me feel like an even-keeled adult. I am the same person as before, but a better version of that person.

I hope that helps. When considering HRT, it's important to remember that you can just try it out and stop if you don't like it. There will be tradeoffs, both permanent and reversible, so learning about those will definitely help in your decision here. But you have a lot of control here, especially when you jump in aware.

If you go for it, keep a mood journal and make it a topic to discuss with a therapist or other trans folks. Wishing you all the best!

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