#i wish i could just not fucking go to school tomorrow.
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thanks for the advice! i did that just now & i've drank a full cup of milk with honey i feel much better, i also discovered that other than the cold i apparently have bronchitis, but atleaste bc of that i won't go to school for days
I'm glad you feel better then !!
Also, fuck I wish that were me.
#i wish i could just not fucking go to school tomorrow.#yes i have school on saturdays#i live an hour and a half from campus so i have to put allllll my hours at the end of the day or i die of sleep deprivation#which means i have to spread them across the entire week.#which means class on saturday.#i might even have an exam tomorrow but i truly have no idea and let's be honest i do not care anymore#it's english literature and i speak better english than the teacher. the teacher is also a prick.#so i even if there is an exam im not studying for it. my results from a few weeks ago were fine anyway#ask#candiebish#rant
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#hm. some choices to make tomorrow#bc i could ask my advisor if thr lab needs a tech this summer so i could get paid to make media and do transfers#but then im at risk of getting sucked back into school stuff#but if i dont then i have to find a different job which is scary. i mean im sure i could find something but ya kno#but i would be getting a job i could just not think abt it when i leave. which ive never had before#and im feeling a bit better now so im like fuck u give me challanges. ya kno?#my counselor thinks i should just go back to ohio for the summer and i could but i dunno#i feel like it would b harder to live with my dad all summer. i dunno. maybe i should. maybe not. i feel like i could do more here#im just sorta lacking purpose rn. ugh.#i mean here i can just walk more places so i could potentially get out more than i could in rural ohio#but that assumes i would actually go out. bleh. i hate this. gotta make annoying choices#but whatever. im just lucky that ive got enough saved up that im not gonna b in trouble not getting paid much over yhe summer#so. could be worse. just wish it was better#unrelated
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in the trenches these days fr
#genuinely havent had this bad of a time mentally in so long im gonna lose ot#its like REALLY annoying this time esp bc i dont have the TIME !!!!! i need to do so many things and also a bunch of actual fun stuff#but im just like mentally???? idek???#for the past week ive felt like season 3 stiles when he couldnt tell if he was alseep or awake and he was like seeing things and losing it#like thats genuinely the only way i can describe it rn what the fuck is going ON#one of my best friends is coming to stay this wekeend and WE'RE BOOKED AND BUSY doing lots of high school reunions#and i was so excited but now im brain is messing it all up and im pissed i havent seen here properly in soooo long#there were just so many things i needed to get done before she gets here tomorrow evening but ive been wallowing in bed all week#WHATEVER ITS FINE i just wish the anxiety would settle so i could actually breathe and get shit done
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i know it's not like i'm the most affected by the situation, but i wish idk i wish that i didn't have to direct my whole behavior to be my mom's emotional support dog so she can feel she's a good project manager and at least someone understands her side and listens to her good advice. which admittedly my uncle is being particularly difficult in this whole situation, bc it's always complicated, but also christ maybe it was your mom but it was also my grandma. one day you tell me "what you two had was really special" and the next you don't even let me have a moment alone with her. like god. you saw her yesterday. you could've left me a minute with her or something. you could've refrained from putting your gross ass arm around my shoulders like why do you absolutely cannot resist ruining every important moment in my life? i want to be as helpful as possible for her in this very difficult time, but NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES. not even five minutes could she stand letting me handle how I want to grieve MY own grandmother.
#it just feels like i'll never have closure#like i'll never get to say goodbye#and i can't say anything because i'm not going to tell anyone how to greive their mother#and if she needs me there then i'll be there it's. whatever.#but god#tomorrow and sunday: weekend. have to spend it with my parents.#monday: school. maybe i can try to visit the funerarium with the bus if i have time but. i don't know. it's so scary.#i'll have to squeeze a visit between school and the time i need to be home and i just wish i didn't have this fucking dreadful perspective#and this equally dreadful memory#hanging over every second i could spend there#tuesday: burial. we'll see her before they close the casket but there'll be lots of people it's just. gross.#i mean i'll go but it's not the same#it's nothing like what it should've been#i feel awful#you can't even let me have one last good memory of her#a peaceful time instead of having to take a wild guess about what you need this second and managing your emotions#she expects a certain behavior from me and i don't even fucking know what it is#i mean yeah it means i should be like i was when i was six and my grandpa died#i should cry and scream and be a crisis situation to manage and cry about together#sorry i haven't molded myself to be exactly what you need#broadcasting my misery#vent
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So so so fucking angry tonight
#mars says stuff#EVERYTHING IN MY PERSONAL LIFE IS LEGIT FINE I PROMMY#IM JUST SO SICK OF THE ZIONIST MISINFORMATION AND MILQUETOAST APATHETIC DEMOCRAT BULLSHIT THAT#I FEEL COMPLICIT IN BC I WORK FOR A RADIO STATION AND I HAVE TO PUMP OUT NEWS PROMOS#AND ITS THE ONLY JOB I HAVENT BEEN FIRED FROM#AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF THE RAMPANT TRANSPHOBIA AND ESPECIALLY TRANSMISOGYNY#EVERYWHERE I FUCKING GO AND TO HAVE OTHER TMASC PPL BE LIKE 'LMAO THATS NOT REAL AND IF IT IS ITS NOT THAT BAD THESE CRAZY BITCHES'#WHEN I SEE IT ONLINE AND IN PERSON EVERY FUCKING DAY AND IM NOT EVEN THE ONE IT EFFECTS#AND I TRY TO ENGAGE IN MY COMMUNITY. THERES A JUNETTENTH EVENT IM GOING TO TMR TO TRY AND SCOUT OUT SOME LOCAL ORGS#I CAN VOLUNTEER FOR TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER IN MY COMMUNITY#but tonight i just feel shitty and small and ineffectual and hypocritical and angry and cowardly#AND EVERYONES LIKE OH DEAL WITH THAT ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY THATLL HELP#MOTHERFUCKER I USE IT AS FUEL TO MAKE ART. TO PLAY MUSIC. TO TRY NOT TO FLUNK OUT OF A SCHOOL THAT I HATE BC OF THE INSTITUTIONS IT UPHOLDS#and i never have enough after my bills are paid to donate to all the gofundmes both here and in palestine i want to help out#im just so fucking mad. but im also 5'3“ and awkward and chubby and I cant fight and all of my friends tease me for it and it comes from a#place of love and im not mad at them. i just wish i could kick someones ass tonight. some fucking bigot i could put all my rage behind#and just keep hitting and hitting until the fucker stopped moving. but i cant do that. both not physically and also bc i Might Lose Everythi#ng#ill delete this tomorrow#time to watch some shitty youtube videos and eat something and get high enough that i dont feel so fucking mad#just consume my way out of it lmao
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EVERY DAY I AM THANKFUL TO BE GAY
#found the one other queer woman at my cousin's engagement party and talked to her for almost 4 hours i love her#my cousin turned 22 last month with a fiancee and i'm 22 in 4 days and i'm just excited to meet another gay person it's literally dire......#but meet we did and i got her number and she does go to school 3 times zones away from me but! i think she also listens to skz what are the#fucking ODDS dude#i'm watching him open gifts in the other room and wishing i could be drunker elsewhere is that bitchy :/ i'm being very supportive i prommy#mostly i wish she would come back and maybe come to breakfast tomorrow before i leave the state#whatever i ❤️ GAY PEOPLE 5 EVER#a post
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i'm so serious when i say that school makes me wanna rip my flesh off
#feeling murderous rage#i hate devoting every minute of my day to doing these stupid math questions (and i actually used to like math!!!)#i wanna go out for like a walk or something rn but it's late and i still have so much to finish. like i've been working on hw for 4 hours#like i miss having time to myself#it's like everytime i think of school i break down... what a fucked up education system#i don't want to go back to school tomorrow... literally want to throw up#it's so stressful i hate it so much#all i do is get home. eat something. do hw for like 4 hours. sob for like 15 minutes. stare at the wall. and sleep. how miserable is that#and i just wanna punch someone rn. wish i could tell my teachers that assingning so much hw everyday only makes me wanna kick them#trapped in a simulation where all i can do is try my best to finish all my hw. and still not be able to complete it!!!#i just wanna be a teenage girl doing stuff that isn't school related.... is that too much to ask for#gonna sob soon bye ✌️#personal
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It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
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trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard
#in neg city#they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it#even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to#and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood#and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would#in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors#withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite#smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER#i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in#i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments#i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do#and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE#THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT#i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in#and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON#idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do#and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen#but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood#i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes#clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking#i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore
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#Yknow when you feel so sad you feel like throwing up ?? Yeah :(#idk man it’s sooo fucking annoying like I would not be feeling this way if I was fucking consulted. Like a few phone calls. An email maybe#it wouldn’t’ve been hard!!!!!!!!!#its just so sad like no one thinks about anything people keep puttting words in my mouth#most importantly people keep being disrespectful of my time and my desires!!!! Like shit dude maybe what I want matters!!!#normally I wouldn’t say that but like. If you’d have given me a choice I would’ve had some fuckibg things to say!!!!!!!!#and it doesn’t help that my lesson didn’t go well I know that’s separate but it just makes everything feel so impossible huhhhhhhhh#ITS NOT!!! It will be fine I’ve been through far worse this is like. The most normal thing I’ve ever been upset about#but it doesn’t make it not suck :((((#I wish I could take a break without being punished hhhhh but tragically it’s finals!!! And jury prep!!! So I guess I’ll die!!!#idk maybe it’ll all be better tomorrow who knows#I think I will make pasta for school tmrw… that will help#ALSO IF YOU KNOW ME IRL I PROMMY IM OKAY I SWEAR ITS FINE MY TEACHERS R JUST PISSING ME OFF#Portal of rambling
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I have yet to make sourdough bread that meets my standards for bread BUT I love my sourdough starter like a son
#he grows and deflates and gets soggy and rises#the way it feels and bounces around and sticks makes me think of like. calcifer#i have a microbial calcifer in my refrigerator and he grows bread for me#he's too young to make GOOD bread but its bread nonetheless ! goddamn it !#someone at work said that id get attached to my starter and i wasn't sure i believed them#but man. i love my sourdough goop so much#i think i might name him calcifer honestly bc microbial calcifer is a perfect way to describe it lmfao#it really does have that sort of dramatic attitude that calcifer has in the movies#i know that sounds insane to say but its true lmfao#tomorrow im going to try making sourdough pita bread AND im making vegan tikka masala. im so fucking excited#i made butter chicken a few months ago and it was delicious but all i could think was ''this is just juice with some chicken in it''#its DELICIOUS juice and chicken but still#and i finally found a recipe that uses tomato SAUCE and not chopped tomatoes (<- texture hater)#it uses tofu which is a problem for me but im going to try using potatoes instead#do potatoes go well with tikka masala? idk. am i going to find out? yeah lmao#with PITA bread. for my DINNER#ugh i love to cook. i wish i didn't live with my mother who makes me feel like im stupid for wanting to try new things#me: i want to try x#my mom with the world's biggest ''im trying to bully you like a high school girl'' side eye to my dad: ohhhhhhhhhhh.....well.......#to clarify bc i didn't explain very well: i wanted my butter chicken to have a bunch of vegetables in it#and my tikka masala recipe has cauliflower broccoli peas and carrots (and potatoes bc im adding those instead of tofu)#ugh. im so excited to eat it with rice and pita bread!!!!!!!#and im going to stuff the other pita breads with turkey to make wraps and maybe some scrambled eggs and minced sausage in another#maybe GRILLED KIMCHI CHEESE PITA SANDWICH ugh YES#IM SO EXCITED#i hope my pita bread is good really badly
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#tomorrow is the day the measurements start. the start of my 40+ days of torment. but idk im glad its finally here#i dont have to dread it anymore. hopefully its the last time i have to do these type of measurements#i was talking to my boss yesterday and she was like: oh last timr we were out i realized this might be ur last time doing lpi for thr rest#of ur life. and i was like god i hope so. bc thats a process where i crawl across the ground for 50m per transect and identify all the#plants and soil cover and for the life of me i cant fucking remember plant codes. i hate it bc i basically have to talk for like 3hrs and#have someone standing over my shoulder recording me and all the while my brain is screaminf at me bc field work doesnt count as real work#in my stupid brain. so yea ill do lpi and soil stability as benign torment in purgatory#but anyway. im hesitantly optimistic abt the measurements i have to take bc im going to try my best to make it ok bc i have school#interviews looming and i have to pretend im hanging on by more than a single thread ya kno#so we r going to b careful abt it. well at least well see how long it lasts. i also have tk find the time to read a bunch before interviews#while my brain is completely fried idk how. and do other lab stuff. sigh...#idk im probably going to take measurements all the way thru sunday and then monday see if i can fill out patent intake info with a psy#psychiatrist. and hope they take my insurance. i called and checked for providers and they were the only one in the area so shoulf b ok but#ya kno. god im barely a functional person. like the fact that i have to drive 8min down the road is very nearly enough for me to say fuck#it. id rather suffer forever. i just hate driving so much :-P#i just wish i could focus enough to make words make sense and justify the time i spend to learn things. agh#lmao im such an anxious person. a lab mate had a birthday today and my boss and a fellow lab member surprised her with a cake#and im v worried abt when my birthday happens. it wasnt so bad last time bc another birthday was also that week so the focus was off me a#lil but with my boss leaving this school i was like. yes. i escape the surprise gathering. but probably not. same for when i leave#genuinely i do not want a gathering. i just feel like im waiting for them to end. not that i dont like my lab mates but idk it feels so#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me#like turn their head to see my reaction to something and i just like fundamentally do not understand that impulse#whatever. what i want for my birthday or going away is to not attend the gathering. make it more like a wake lol#but i kno that wont happen. last year my boss asked whst i wanted and i said nothing and she said that wasnt allowed#im just so neurotic that if u try to do anything for me itll prob just upset me. but idk ppl like to give presents and stuff#and sometimes things arent all abt me. so i just gotta accept it and go cry abt it later#but thats like 3 months away so i dont kno why im so stressed abt it now. I've got more pressing things to stress abt#unrelated
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It’s a beautiful night to cry in the shower over dead father figures in your life
#read the obituary for my middle school teacher who died recently and he’s like the same age as my dad#so that’s miserable#then I accidentally pictured them smoking a bowl together and started breakdown sobbing#life keeps punching me in the stomach and grief is like a universal thing like everyone will feel it at some point in their life and it’s so#fucking suffocating and you feel so alone in your grief and I just wish I was up north the service for my teacher is tomorrow I wish I was#in New Hampshire I wish I could stop by and cry and tell people how much he meant to me#and the teacher liked to drink at a restaurant bar place I’d go with my dad and they’d talk about music and now next time I go into town#I’ll drive past that restaurant with all those memories and know my two favorite things about that place are gone :’((((#ughhhhh I don’t like my period I don’t like crying I know it’s healthy but like god damn can I stop crying and feeling so shitty about dead#people I haven’t talked to in months like I get it I’m sad I get it I get it I get it I get it#it’s not bringing them back it’s only hurting me getting my shit together it’s so embarassing to have feelings I hate it
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ohhhhh no. fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life. this shit isn't funny anymore guys!!!!!! it's pretty fucking unfunny and you're still laughing!!!!!!!! god. dammit. literally just run me over with a car what the fuck
#our school gives a set number of graduation tickets for family and whatever#i have promised several to my friends but my family is going too#including my grandparents who're driving in from out of state#so guess who can't find the. plain. little. envelope#in the stack of shit she was sure it was in.#ohhhhh my godddddd#and once they show up i can't even like swear around them but i KNOW when my parents find out i lost them they'll be so fucking.goddamn#graduation's tomorrow and i gotta get the tickets delivered to my friends today#cannot emphasize enough that my room is fucking. obliterated#and my mom in her cleaning frenzy very well could've just thrown them out. or even just moved them#they could be in my friend's car#im going to set myself on FIRE#i have my french exam in a little over an hour i do Not Need To Be Thinking About This Rn#god. fuck my stupid baka life#wish my brain would stop forgetting things wish my brain would stop being fucking silly quirky at me in ways that ruin my life!!!!!#i mean this isn't life ruining but it fucking blows is my point#Do Not Lose These Do Not Lose These. ok lol (<- is about to lose them)#ohhh my god i have to keep saying fuck my stupid baka life because everything else is like im going to stab myself im going to eat myself#hell on earth hell on earth hell on earth#killing maiming biting etc#but not in a fun way in a very very bad way#my rejection sensitivity is gonna be fuckin. decimated after this. oh my god theyre going to be upset witj me for reasons that actually#matter this time. they might even hold a grudge about it and bring it up at family dinners. fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka li#look ok i have hours to find them. maybe it'll be ok. maybe. almost. but it's not good it's not good it's not good at ALL#je killerais moiself or some shit idk god im gona fail my exam too
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Day 21 - Flustered
Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader Word Count: 710 Content: Fluff! They're idiots your honor, but they're my idiots Tuna-Tober 2024 Masterlist <- check out the other fics posted this month!
A/N: A drabble! I didn't want to make this one too too long. Besides I'm cooking for one of the future days 👀. As always be sure to like, reblog and comment!! - YoursTruly
“He’s just so- UGH!” You cover your face with your hands and let out a groan. Shoko shakes her head while laughing at you. You both were sitting in the school’s shared kitchen, enjoying each other’s company. It was nice to have this moment to catch up with Shoko because you rarely got to see her on missions.
Well. . . it was nice until Shoko asked how things were going between you and Gojo.
“I just- I dunno, wish something would happen between us, but it’s like he’s untouchable.” You mumble, your hands still covering your face. “It’s stupid, Gojo probably just treats me the same way he treats anyone else.”
Shoko hums and closes her eyes, her lips curling into a small smirk.
“You still call him Gojo?” She asks and you peer up at her, “I thought you were on a first name basis with everyone?” A teasing glint flashes in her eyes. “I dunno, I never really thought about calling him Satoru before.” It was a lot easier for you just to call him Gojo because that’s how you knew him. It rolled off the tongue, especially when you’re yelling at him over a stupid prank he pulled on you.
“Call him Satoru. I guarantee he’ll stop fucking around with you if you do.”
“Ha! Fat chance,” You laugh at her and Shoko shrugs her shoulders, still smirking.
“Just try,” She reaches down in her pocket to grab a cigarette, “And speak of the devil. . .”
Gojo and Geto waltz into the kitchen. Gojo zips around the corner and opens the fridge to see what food he could steal from you while Geto starts making tea.
“How was the mission?”
“Boring as ever,” Gojo whines, “Did you make anything to eat?” He asks you and you roll your eyes at him.
“It’s not for you! I was going to eat the leftovers for lunch tomorrow,” You tell him, turning your back to him. You make eye contact with Shoko and she gives you a look. Your shoulders droop before Gojo puts his arm around your shoulders, his head leaning to the side.
“I’m gonna die if I don’t eat anything right now~”
“Leave her alone, Gojo,” Shoko tells him, but the white haired nuisance clinging onto you wouldn’t listen.
“But I’m starving, Shoko! It’s a crime to let me die like this,” He tells you, sunglasses falling down the bridge of his nose as he looks at you.
“Make your own food Satoru, I need my leftovers for my mission tomorrow.” You try to push him off your shoulder but he goes stiff.
You look back at him and are surprised to see a faint blush spreading across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. . . what?
“Nevermind.” He lets go of you and looks away, “Not hungry anymore.”
Geto and Shoko share a look. Geto grins, “I thought you were going to starve to death?” He asks with a teasing lilt in his voice.
Satoru pushes his glasses back up his nose as he clears his throat. “Nope. Actually tired. Going to bed. Goodnight.” And he rushes out of the kitchen.
A silence fills the room before Shoko starts laughing and Geto chuckles as you stay dumbfounded.
“What. . . just happened?” You ask, trying to make sense of Gojo’s reaction.
“Nothing,” Geto says as he joins you and Shoko at the table with tea. He offers you a cup and you take it, looking down at the swirling pattern the leaves are creating in the water.
Shoko catches her breath, “That was worth the price of admission. You need to do that more often, it’s hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the honored one so flustered before.” She covers her smile, trying to control her laughter, but it’s not working.
You hear a door slam in the distance and Shoko doubles over with her laughter.
He slams the door quickly and covers his mouth. You calling him Satoru replays in his head over and over as he starts pacing around the room. Why else would he think about you calling him Satoru in other ways. He wants you to call him that all the time, in classes, during missions, in bed.
He’s going insane, he has to be.
#tuna tober 2024#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#jjk fanfic#satoru gojo fluff#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you
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I Want You
Soobin x afab reader
Synopsis: being the Halloween lover that you are you ask Soobin to dress up with you as your favourite anime couple. However after he avoids you for two weeks and forgets to dress up with you, Yeonjun steps in to make the both of you see how much you both want each other. Which results is his best friend becoming jealous and angry when anyone goes near you.
Warnings: jealously, anger, slut shaming(only slightly), lingering touches and gazes, oral, nipple play, unprotected sex (don’t do that, wrap it up, be safe), degrading talk, costume (it’s Halloween duh)
Features Soobin (of course), Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai plus a special appearance from Heesung and Sunghoon from Enhyphen.
Also if you don’t know My Dress Up Darling give it a quick search just to get an idea of what Marin looks like.
Likes, comments and reposts are always appreciated ❤️ you are all the best and I love you all so much!
My asks are always open and so is my tag list! ✌️
Enjoy
Halloween is your favourite time of the year. You embraced every second of it and lived for spooky season. You decorate your entire apartment, you bake fall and Halloween treats, you watch all of your favourite Halloween movies and of course you dress up on the big day.
Even though it wasn’t so popular in Korea, you didn’t miss out. Making the people around you celebrate with you. Including the members of Tomorrow x Together, who you work for but are also your good friends. In particular, Choi Soobin, your best friend who you essentially spend all of your free time with.
So when Soobin agreed to dress up with you this year you couldn’t be more excited. Your best friend (your incredibly sweet, nerdy and sexy best friend who you wanted to climb) agreed to be the Wakana Gojou to your Marin Kitagawa. You both love watching My Dress Up Darling together so the couple's costumes were perfect.
You picked out the perfect costume, thanks to Yeonjun’s help, adding your own little twist on Marin’s classic High School uniform, wanting Soobin to notice you.
However, after showing him the costumes, Soobin became distant. You weren’t sure why, everything seemed fine until now, chalking it up to stress for the upcoming release.
But Soobin wasn’t stressed about the comeback. He was freaking out about you in that uniform and having to be around you in it. Because like you, Soobin also wanted you. This exact scenario has played out in his head a couple of times, ending with you being bent over a desk as he fucks your brains out. So, how in the fuck is he supposed to be around you all day dressed in the same uniform and not pop a massive hard on.
Being the idiots you both are, you had no idea that the other felt the same way about you. On the other hand, everyone else did, much to their dismay at how stupid you both truly were.
Halloween comes, and Soobin still hasn’t been answering your texts or calls, you get extremely irritated.
“If he didn’t want to do it he could have just said so instead of ignoring me!” You complain to Yeonjun
“He wanted to do it, I know that. I Dunno what’s going on with him y/n I’m sorry”
“It’s alright, you didn’t do anything. I just don’t know what I did to make he act this way”
“I don’t think you did anything” Yeonjun says reassuring you, knowing exactly what’s going on with his best friend. “I think it’s just the comeback. We’re all kinda stressed, you know?”
“Yeah, I get that. I just wish he would talk to me instead of cutting me off” you say solemnly
“Hey, forget Soobin! Dress up and have fun all day like you had planned! If he bails on everything, I’ll be you Halloween date” he nudges your arm and wiggles his eyebrows
Unable to resist, you smile and laugh lightly at his antics “you’re on Choi! If you ditch me though, I’m moving back to *your country*”
“I would never!” He says, holding his hand to his chest as if your words caused him serious pain.
“I know. You’re the best Junnie” you hug him
“Anything for my best girl” hugging you back and kissing your head
“So should I still dress up as Marin?”
“Yes! Just make her sexier, make Soobin regret ditching you”
“You think it’ll work?”
“Oh it will, trust me”
“Okay? So, any suggestions?”
Bringing his hand to his chin in thought, Yeonjun smirks “I have an idea”
While you are lost in the discussion of your upgraded costume with Yeonjun, you’re completely unaware that Soobin had been watching your whole conversation from right outside the room. Jealousy seething through him as he watches you laugh and talk to Yeonjun. Seeing you hug him and Yeonjun kiss the top of your head was what really got to him though. That was your thing.
Yeonjun however had known Soobin was there the whole time, his plan working out perfectly. Soobin was jealous, and you were going to look like walking sex tomorrow. If the both of you don’t end up together after tomorrow, then there’s no hope.
The next day, you walk into Hybe in full costume. Adding Yeonjun’s suggestions, tying your shirt around your waist, turning it into a crop top, hiking your skirt up a little higher to reveal just the curve of your ass, and the white thigh high socks and black converse paired with Marin’s pink contact lenses. Nothing too drastic, but enough to make it sexy.
Yeonjun was already there, wanting to give you a pep talk before Soobin arrived. They were having a photo shoot today, which was another reason for the easy costume. It didn’t require any makeup besides Gojou’s mole under his eye. That is if he even remembered to dress up…
When you enter the room Yeonjun grabs your hand raising it above your head “y/n! Fuck you look good! Give me a spin”
While you spin, Beomgyu and Taehyun enter.
Beomgyu whistles and Taehyun compliments you as well “you look great”
“Great? Fuck if she wasn’t so into Soobin I’d make a move right now!” Beomgyu compliments “you look sexy y/n. And if he doesn’t take you, I will” he winks
“Yeah, you’d have to go through me first” Yeonjun adds in
“Thanks you guys but stop, you don’t have to do that”
“Do what? I’m dead serious” Beomgyu insists, Yeonjun nodding in agreement
“You guys are ridiculous” you laugh at them
Kai walks in and sees your costume instantly recognizing it “Marin!? Y/N you look amazing! I like the additions”
“Thanks Kai!”
“So that just leaves Soobin…”
“I swear to god this man.. if he doesn’t finally fess-“ Beomgyu starts but Taehyun quickly covers his mouth
“Shut up!” He angrily whispers “that’s for him to tell her, not you!”
“True, doesn’t make it any less frustrating though. Soobin is dense as hell sometimes” Yeonjun adds
“I'm gonna start setting up so we don’t run behind! You guys feel free to do whatever!” You say to them while you set up your station at the vanity. They all head to the couch and relax. It was still 5am after all and they were working themselves to the bone.
They sit on their phones and some shut their eyes. Yeonjun notices the time and Soobin should already be here. “Anyone hear from Bin?”
“Nope” terry responds “he’s late”
“I’ll text him” Yeonjun opens their conversation which was already spammed with worried messages from the last week and a half
‘SOOBIN!
Where the fuck are you?’
‘I can’t come’
‘The fuck?’
‘I’m sorry hyung i can't’
Yeonjun mutters under his breath “this mother fucker” dailing his number
“Listen-“ Soobin answers
“NO YOU LISTEN!” Yeonjun whisper yells at him hoping you don’t hear him. “Get your sorry ass down here now before I beat the living shit out of you. I’ll bring Taehyun” threatening his leader
“Hyung you don’t understand!”
“I DO UNDERSTAND! FUCK! I’ve been sitting here looking at her and yeah I get it, it’s really hard to not wanna fuck her, not gonna lie. But Soobin I swear to god if you don’t get your ass here in the next five minutes she’s fair game!”
“Hyung n-“ Yeonjun hangs up on him
“You serious?” Beomgyu asks
“No, but he’ll be here. Speaking of, let's give him a little push, hey?”
Mischievous smirks take over Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s faces, Taehyun looking kinda scared while Kai has no idea as he peacefully sleeps.
Moments later you walk over to the 4 men on the couch, “we should probably start getting you ready. Who wants to go first?” you ask,
“I’ll go first” Taehyun pops up
“Okay come over when you're ready” you smile at him before going back to your station, gathering the products you need for him.
“Okay Tae, you’re setting the pace, make sure when he comes in your-”
“Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll be lightly flirting. This feels wrong”
“Just turn on your big boba eyes and smile at her, that's enough to set him off”
Taehyun’s eyes widen before he turns and walks over to your station, sitting down and turning on his charm. Bright smile and big eyes looking at you with full attention, not even bothering to look at the door when he hears it open. Laughing and talking to you trying to keep your eyes from looking at Soobin to begin their plan. He’s mostly successful, you only turn to look at him for a split second, confirming it was him walking through the doors and then turning your attention back to Tae. You were mad at Soobin after all, he’s been ignoring you for weeks and you don’t even know why. What really ticks you off though, is that he didn’t end up wearing the costume after all. Confirming to you that your best friend really didn’t care about you in the way you had hoped for, and maybe not at all. So wanting to show him you were unbothered, you continued feeding into Taehyun’s weird flirty behaviour and flirted back. Leaning in a little closer than usual, laughing a little too much, hoping Soobin would notice and see you were completely unbothered.
Yeonjun leans over to Beomgyu to whisper in his ear before Soobin makes it to the couches, paused in his walk over staring at you and Taehyun flirting with each other. “You text Heesung?”
And Beomgyu nods “he bringing anyone?”
“Yep, Sunghoon.”
“Perfect” Yeonjun sits back, smiling that his plan is coming to fruition. Chirping out to Soobin to bring him over “you’re late”
Soobin looks over his shoulder at him, then back at you, then at Yeonjun before making his way to the couch, looking at you over his shoulder the whole time.
“What is Taehyun doing?” he asks concerned
“What do you mean?” Kai asks, he was quickly filled in on the plan. Now playing along with his role.
“He’s, I donno... He’s flirting with Y/N”
“How? He seems normal to me..” Beomgyu taunts
“No he definitely is. He’s using his full endearing charm on her right now. Look, I don't think his eyes could get any bigger and he won’t even blink. The fuck is going on I didn’t even think he thought of her like that?” Soobin’s tone increased in anger as he analysed you two.
“I think you’re overreacting Soob” Kai says “He’s just being himself.”
“Pft. yeah. Right. Sure.” he huffs and plops down on the couch next to Yeonjun, folding his arms and pouting
“If you would have told her how you felt already this wouldn’t be happening right now.” Yeonjun teases.
Soobin shoots him a look of disgust because he knows he’s right. He then returns his sights to you, noticing Taehyun holding you by your hand and lingering his fingers on yours, before coming over to sit down with his members. “Huning she’s ready for you” he says before sitting down next to him.
“Thanks Hyung” Kai smiles and basically skips over to you, giving you a huge hug, lifting you up and making you laugh “Kai stop!”
Soobin immediately scowls and turns to Taehyun, asking “what the fuck was that?”
“Hi to you too Soobin. What are you talking about?” He asks with just as much bite
“You know exactly what I'm talking about. What was that with Y/N?”
“Nothing? We were talking and stuff like we usually do..?”
“Don’t give me that bullshit you had your cute, and charming Taehyun act on with your big ass eyes and smile.” Soobin is seething, and Beomgyu and Yeonjun can’t help but smirk at how well this was working already, knowing it’s only gonna get worse.
“Soobin, you need to chill. You’re being paranoid. I wasn’t doing shit. You’re just jealous because she looks incredible right now, and you haven’t done anything about it yet.” Taehyun spits the facts at him, looking dead into his eyes before sitting back and crossing his arms knowing he won that argument. Even if Soobin was right and he was flirting with you.
Soobin can only sulk in annoyance at the truth. Looking over he sees you and Kai laughing about god knows what. But you were always like that with him. Maybe he was just over reacting. Starting to settle down a bit, the door shoots open revealing two people he definitely didn’t want seeing you in that outfit.
“Heesung, Sunghoon, what's up!?” Beomgyu calls out.
You and Kai both look at them, you smile and wave at them to greet them “hey!”
Just as Beomgyu asked them to, the Enhyphen members totally ignore them sitting on the couch, and walk directly over to you, even ignoring Kai.
Heesung leans against the vanity enclosing you between the chair, Sunghoon and himself. Putting on his best seductive face and says “Hi Y/N. You look nice all dressed up today”
You laugh at him and tuck a loose hair behind your ear acting shy “Really? You think so Hee?”
“Mmhmm. You look real good”
“Yeah you look incredible y/n” Sunghoon says, running his hand along your arm before you enclose him in a hug
“Thanks Hoonie”
You and Sunghoon were actually friends outside of work, much to Soobin’s dismay. Park Sunghoon was prince level gorgeous and Soobin knew that. He was always jealous of Sunghoon because he knew if Sunghoon asked, you would be his and honestly Soobin couldn’t blame you. If Sunghoon asked Soobin to date him, he’s pretty sure even he would say yes. So when you oh so happily hug him as his hands drift lower and lower down your back, squeezing you in tight, Soobin’s knuckles turn white from how tight he’s clenching his fists.
“Hoonie?” He asks in disgust “Thanks Hoonie” mimicking your voice under his breath
“Hmm? What was that?” Yeonjun asks hearing fully what he said
“nothing“ Soobin huffs, his legs shaking up and down fastly in annoyance.
“Sure” Yeonjun teases before he stands up and walks over to their visitors, Beomgyu and Taehyun right behind him. “Can’t be rude”
“Tcht” Soobin scoffed again, reluctantly standing up. Beomgyu and Yeonjun subtly fist bumping.
Soobin just watches in disgust as Heesung and Sunghoon’s eyes never leave you. Scanning your body up and down when you're not looking, then looking oh so intently at your eyes and lips when you were talking to them. Soobin has indents from his nails in his palms from trying to hold back his anger. Everyone’s circled around you while you work, taking in and ogling your body as you slightly bend over to attend to Kai’s makeup. Bending over causes your skirt to rise even more, revealing the curve of your ass. Soobin wants to just carry you away and hide you from everyone's sight. Keeping you all to himself
“Alright Kai you’re all done my sweet”
“Thanks y/n”
“Who’s next?” You ask turning around and smiling, bumping into Yeonjun who’s right there
“Me” he says, keeping eye contact while you both turn around until he’s sitting in the chair.
“I was gonna ask for a turn” Heesung laughs
“And what could I ever do with your pretty face Hee?” You tease, grabbing his chin and shaking his head slightly, making him blush unexpectedly.
“Maybe we should request you for our next shoot, you are are really good Y/N” Sunghoon suggests
“Yes, you totally should! I’d love to work with you guys at least once!” You excitedly respond
“Awesome I’ll tell our manager to request you then!”
“Hey hey hey! No one said you could steal our makeup artist. She’s ours!” Beomgyu pipes up
“Hey she said she would so maybe she needs a new group that will treat her right” Sunghoon winks, taking your hand and kissing it
“Oh my god Hoon stop” you giggle ”My txt boys treat me just right thank you. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t work with you though” blowing him a smooch of appreciation
“Say the word pretty and we will take you in a heartbeat”
The flirting with Sunghoon has become too much and Soobin has to leave the room before he punches his stupidly pretty perfect face in.
“Hey! Where are you going Hyung?” Kai asks noticing him leave
“To piss” he snaps back. His tone not being missed by anyone, Kai follows after him
“Hyung!” Kai has to run to catch up to him “Soobin wait up!”
Soobin turns and snaps at him “what do you want?!”
“Woah what is wrong with you? I’m just checking on you”
Soobin feels bad and releases a loud exhale “it’s just… Ughh fuck everyone is all over y/n and I’m gonna punch someone” rubbing his hands down his face
“So doesn’t that tell you everything? Just tell her how you feel! God Soobin, if you’re that jealous of everyone around her you clearly love her. Tell her before she goes with someone else” Kai states sincerely
“But-“
“But what? You don’t think she likes you back? Soobin.. UGHH-“ Kai says in annoyance “for fucks sake she’s literally dressed as Marin Kitagawa right now. Why do you think that is?”
“Did you just curse?”
“Yeah I curse when I’m extremely frustrated FOCUS!”
“Cause she like My Dress Up Darling” he says completely clueless
Throwing his arms up and head back, Kai almost screams, holding it in with tight lips.
“Hyung you have to be the densest person I know” patting him on his shoulder before he turns to walk back to the room.
“The hell does that mean?”
Exhaling deeply, Kai turns back to him “if you think she likes that anime just because it’s “good”, you truly are an idiot. She likes it so much ‘cause she watches it with you. And how similar you both are to Marin and Gojou.”
“What are you talking about?” Soobin asks literally having no idea what Kai is talking about.
“Figure it out your fucking self!” Waking away
Soobin is left alone, thinking over what Kai said. Not piecing any of it together. Sure Gojou likes Marin and he likes you but… making the most literal assumption about the characters, he can only think he doesn’t make clothes and you don’t cosplay. Not thinking that you could ever like him the way Marin likes Gojou.
He goes to the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face trying to cool his temper. Taking deep breaths the whole way back before he enters, and sees Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Heesung and Sunghoon closely huddled around you. Yeonjun leaning forward gliding his fingers up and down your exposed thighs to the hem of your skirt.
Immediately returning to his enraged, jealous self as you look over to him with not a bit of emotion on your face. Only to return to Yeonjun with the largest smile on your face at something he said, applying something to his lips.
Sunghoon places his hand low on your back as he pretends to lean in to observe your work.
“Kay Junnie you’re all done! Beomgyu your turn”
“Hey y/n can you give me some of that too?” Heesung asks, moving a piece of hair from your shoulder, twirling it around his finger.
“What? The lip balm? You literally have it”
“Yeah but I don’t have it on me and my lips are feeling dry” he playfully pouts
“Yeah, mine too, would you mind? Please?” Sunghoon asks sweetly
“Umm.. yeah sure” you grab your lip applicators and turn to Heesung, who’s sitting on the vanity to come to your height. Parting his lips, looking into your pink coloured eyes with his seductive gaze. Honestly making you lose your breath for a minute. You apply the balm to his lips making them even plumper and more enticing than before. You turn to sunghoon “Hoon can you come a bit lower? I can’t really reach”
“No worries pretty, I got you” grabbing your waist to steady you as you raise up on your tiptoes to reach his plump lips. Gazing into his eyes once again hitching your breath. These men were doing something to your head and you were starting to lose your composure. diverting your eyes back to his lips, you swipe the last of the balm on his lips. Sunghoon rubs them together before smiling his pointy canine smile simply saying “thanks pretty” lowering you to be flat on your feet.
“N-no problem” you stutter and turn to Beomgyu “ready Gyu?”
“Never been more ready y/n” smiling while gazing into your eyes
“Oookaayy?” You draw out the word. Wondering what is going on.
Yeonjun leans in on the side opposite of Soobin staring at you, making sure he would see, and whispers in your ear sensing your confusion “just go with it” looking at him with confusion he winks at you, and you just nod.
You move to start applying makeup to Beomgyu’s face, but Heesung cuts in “Hey, we’re gonna head out. Our schedule starts soon.”
“Oh already? It was great to see you, Hee!” you give him a hug and he squeezes you tightly around your waist, nuzzling his head into your neck.
“Great to see you to Y/N! I’m serious about you working with us though”
“Then make it happen” you wink, turning to Sunghoon “Bye Hoonie, it was so good to see you” giving him a hug as well, but Sunghoon lifts you off the ground spinning while he holds you tight. Lifting you above his face saying “Good to see you too, Pretty. Let's hang out soon, yeah?” smiling as he lowers you back to the ground.
“Yeah, that would be great! I miss you”
“I miss you to y/n. Catch up over dinner?”
“Deal” you smile. Your hand lingers in his and Sunghoon brings it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it before letting go and turning to walk away.
“Later guys!”
“See you on league later?” Beomgyu asks
“Definitely! Later” Heesung raises his hand in a goodbye before walking past Soobin, bumping into his shoulder.
Sunghoon walks right behind him, and looks at Soobin before letting out a small chuckle, seeing the rage on his face.
You return to your job, and begin on Gyu. Laughing and talking the whole time as usual. But knowing how angry Soobin is you start to get concerned as you watch him storm over to the drink table.
“What is going on with him?” You whisper, asking Beomgyu.
Leaning forward, he whispers “Donno, but he’ll get over it” he begins to run his fingers along the top of your thigh high socks, dipping his fingers just underneath, nestled between your skin and sock. Gently gliding across your skin as he continues his mindless act. This wasn’t anything new for Beomgyu. He tends to mindlessly do this to everyone who has some sort of exposed skin but, you can tell something is different from the way he is looking at you. But trusting Yeonjun you just go with it, knowing they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.
As Soobin walks past you he stops dead in his tracks, watching Beomgyu’s hands ghost over your exposed thighs. You could practically see the steam coming from his ears.
The other three men on the couch started to get concerned, with Kai asking “you guys sure this is okay? He might murder Beomgyu”
“I’ve never seen Soobin look so angry,” Taehyun added. That is until Beomgyu looks over at Soobin while you grab a product from the table and gives him Soobin a shit eating grin.
“I take that back! Now I’ve never seen him look so angry” Kai stands up to pull Soobin to the couch “hyung, breathe.”
“I’ll breathe after I fucking kill him” Soobin seethes
“No you won’t! Just calm down”
“Calm down?! Calm down? Are you serious right now? I’ve been watching the fucking lot of you touch and flirt with her all day! You’re all lucky I haven’t snapped yet! But now, now he dies” he starts move but Taehyun grabs him and shoves him onto the couch
“Calm down” Taehyun demands as he holds Soobin on the couch.
“Fuck off and let me go”
“No you need to calm down”
“Like fuck”
“You’re gonna scare her so calm down!”
“What’s going on!?” You cut them off, concern evident in your voice
Soobin instantly freezes enough for Taehyun to let go of him.
Yeonjun speaks up “nothing! Soobin is just a little… sensitive today”
“Everyone nods except Soobin who can’t take his eyes off of you. Jealousy and anger are still very present inside him.
”okay… well I’m ready for you Soobin”
“Everyone out” Soobin calmly demands
“What?” Yeonjun asks
“EVERYONE OUT!” The leader yells, shocking everyone “NOW!”
They all stand to leave but not before telling you they won’t be far if you need them. Questioning if they pushed him too far.
“Woah Soobin, what’s up?”
“What’s up?” He laughs manically “what’s up!? Are you fucking serious right now?”
“Seriously, what is going on with you right now?”
He stands up leaving no room between your bodies, looking down at you “you! You and everyone all over you. This is what you wanted right? everyone’s attention? Wearing this fucking excuse for a costume, you’re basically asking for it.”
“EXCUSE ME?!” You raise your voice at him, livid at his accusations, taking a step backwards.
“Oh like you don’t fucking know. Hiking up your skirt, leaving your buttons undone, and adding those fucking thigh high socks. It’s a far cry from Marin’s uniform! Looks like you clearly after something” spitting his words at you in anger he tried to get closer but you continue to step backwards until you hit the wall behind you. Caging you in, he raises his arms to rest on either side of your head.
“Choi Soobin I know you’re not slut shaming me right now over a fucking costume!” You yell
“Damn right I am y/n! What the actual fuck were you thinking?”
“Why the fuck does it matter to you Soobin!? what I do is none of your business! Besides you haven’t even talked to me in the last two weeks!”
“I’m your fucking friend and I’m trying to look out for you!”
“No your just jealous because other people noticed me and had enough balls to actually make a move”
“I know what they’re like Y/N they’d just use you for their fun and then everything would be fucking ruined”
“WHAT IF I WANT TO BE USED SOOBIN? HUH? Ever think of that? Ever think I wanna be fucked?”
“GO FUCK THEM THEN!”
“You’re actually ridiculous you know that” scoffing at him
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean y/n?”
“Since you think you know everything I actually wore this for YOU. I thought I’d try to make you fucking notice me for once. We were actually supposed to dress up as Marin and Gojou together, but you forgot about that! I wanted to dress up together so maybe once you would actually see me as more than your friend. Someone you’d like to fuck. So no Soobin I didn’t do this to randomly fuck someone or for anyone else to notice me. I WANTED YOU!” Anger and hurt flow through your words at everything he’s just said to you, slamming your hands into his chest.
Soobin freezes, staring at you in shock as all the anger starts to fade. His voice barely audible as he asks “what?”
You just stare back at him, your eyes darting between his as you try to gauge what he’s thinking right now. “I want you to notice me. I want you Soobin” almost on the verge of tears but calmly telling him how you feel.
Soobin’s eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and his eyes are wide, as his mouth hangs open. His brain runs blank of words to say. Just repeating your last words over and over again. Silence hanging between you for too long and you waver.
“I get it, you don’t see me that way. I just thought I’d just take a chance… forget what just happened and that I said anything. Sit down, I have to do your makeup” you side step under one of his arms, removing yourself from the cage his arms enclosed you in. Walking to your makeup station, grabbing your brush belt and getting the products for his application. Busying yourself to stop the tears from spilling down your cheeks.
He stands there. Still and not moving, leaning against the wall, just stuck in a loop repeating the words you said over and over. But the longer he stands there the harder your words hit him. He finally knows you want him the way he wants you.
“Soobin! Please just forget everything and let me do this. You’re gonna be late” continuing to organize the things you will need.
Making up his mind, Soobin turns, and takes long strides toward you.
“Soobin please-“ as you turn around he crashes his lips into yours cradling you face in his hands
“Soobin- what- stop” you make out between kisses
“Shut up” he demands, picking you up by your plush thighs, walking to the mirror and sitting you on the desk. Not once stopping his attack. His hands roam your thighs and hips, squeezing and caressing as he pleases.
Migrating his kissing down your neck, needing to taste more of you.
“Soob- what.. mmhmm- what are you doing?” barely making out the words as your brain fogs with desire.
“Noticing you, like I have been since I fucking met you” he quickly says before attaching back onto your neck.
“Wha-“
Groaning, he grips your hair at the base of your neck, tugging back to make you look up into his eyes, “I noticed you. I notice you the second our eyes lock, and everytime you’re remotely near me. I’ve always wanted you Y/N. That's never been a question” Soobin states, eyes locked on yours leaving no room for doubt.
“Well you’ve never shown it!” you snap, angry again because how has he been able to hide this from you for so long.
“I didn’t think you wanted me. I’m not going to pressure you into doing something you don’t want. Especially if it meant losing you and not having you at all.”
“Soobin I-”
“I’ve always wanted you Y/N” he cuts you off and pushes his hips into yours. Showing you how much he means it, grinding his hardened cock against your soaked core. Both of you are panting heavy trying to catch your breath, looking at one another, darting between your eyes and lips.
You breathlessly whisper “then take me”
Soobin lips crash back onto yours before the final syllable leaves them. The kiss is heated, messy, and all over the place. Teeth clash as your tongues fight for dominance. Months of built up sexual tension between you two, finally being released in the most heated way possible. Both wanting more as your hands roam each other’s bodies, pulling on the fabric covering your skin, needing as much contact as possible.
Soobin makes quick work of your shirt, untying the bottom and ripping open the only button you had fastened, eliciting a shocked gasp from you.
Chuckling he says “you’ll be fine, you barely had it on anyways” kissing your collarbone
“That a problem for you?”
“Only when others can see you” Biting your skin to punctuate his statement. Leaving a purple mark in its place.
“Jealous are we?” You taunt
Coming back to eye level he states “I don’t like people touching what's mine”
“And I’m yours?” you slyly question
“You are now” he says, pulling your bra down to reveal your breasts, groping them with his large palms. “You’re mine Y/N” pinching your nipples when he says your name, claiming your lips with his. You start grabbing at his clothes, pulling his loosely tucked shirt out of his pants, sliding your hands underneath to feel his skin. Running your hands along his abs and slim waist isn’t enough for you, “off” “off now” you whimper during the short break of kissing. But he doesn’t hear you, continuing to kiss you roughly. Pushing him back off of you, seeing the hunger in each other's eyes you command him “take off your shirt”. The fabric is pulled over his head and on the floor in a split second, and he tries to resume his previous work. But you stop him, holding out your hand to his chest. “Lemme see you”
It’s not like you haven’t seen him shirtless before, but it’s different. Watching his chest rise and fall quickly, the light sheen of sweat coating his skin. His abs flex as he tries to control himself, allowing you to see what you want. As you admire him you reach around your back, quickly undoing your bra and throwing it at him. Leaning back, you tilt your head and bite your lower lip, beckoning him to come to you as you curl your index finger in.
“Fuck you’re so hot” pouncing back on you as fast as he can. Hands enveloping your bare chest, as his lips attach to your neck, wanting to cover you in marks. Your fingers tangle in his hair as your head falls back, your moans and whimpers leading him further and further down your torso, a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses left in his wake. One he meets your navel, he looks up at you, giving your approval with a slight nod. His palms ride up your thighs until he reaches your skirt, flipping it up to show your soaked core. Your white panties basically see through from your slick, clinging to your folds.
“Oh fuck you’re soaked baby. Need to taste.." His words trail off as he leans in and firmly glides his tongue over your heat through your panties. A low groan sounds from deep in his chest, savouring the sweet taste of you on his tongue. Pushing the tip of his tongue against your folds, running it up and down excruciatingly slowly. You’re saccharine moans fueling him to tease you even more, slowly driving you crazy.
“Soonin please” you plead
“Hmmm?” he hums against your still covered core, the slight vibration ringing through your clit that he’s currently attending to.
“More please bin! Please” you plead again, irritation starting to build inside you. It felt good but you wanted more, you wanted to feel his tongue on you.
He ignores you, content where he is. Building speed but still over your drenched garment.
You still call to him, wanting more from him “Bin.” “Bin please” “more” “fuck Soobin” “SOOBIN!”
Irritation runs hot through your body, needing to punish him for his neglect and his actions earlier. He wants to be a brat, so be it.
You glide your fingers through his hair on the top of his head, starting soft and almost petting him leaving no room to suspect anything from you. When you feel he’s relaxed enough, you grip his hair harshly, pulling a loud hiss from him, and pull him off you.
“What the fuck?” he barks at you
“You don’t listen” scolding him while still pulling his hair firmly, knowing it hurts. “If you listened I'd be coming on your face right now, but you had to be a greedy brat.” You push your panties to the side with your free hand and start circling your clit while his face is mere inches away. Eyes glued to your fingers while you please yourself “‘m sorry, please let go baby, please” weakly begging without ever looking at your face
“I don’t think so” bringing his face closer but just out of reach of his tongue being able to touch you. “That's a pathetic excuse for an apology” you glide your fingers down and plunge your middle and ring fingers inside your pulsing hole. Sinfully moaning at how good it feels. Taking them out you show him how wet they are “see Binnie. Could have been you instead but, you had to be a greedy brat” returning to rub your clit in front of him.
Whining he apologizes again “oh fuck, Y/N i’m so sorry, let me taste you again. Please!”
“Hmmm, i donno.. I feel pretty good right now, maybe I don't need you” moaning as you speed up your fingers.
“PLEASE Y/N! Won't do it again please! Wanna make you cum.” his eyes finally come up to yours and they’re watering as if he might actually cry if he watches you cum by yourself and not because of him. Without uttering a word you pull his hair crashing his face back into your cunt. The most beautiful moan rips from Soobin’s chest when he tastes your bare skin. His tongue immediately finding your clit, wanting to make you cum. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder, giving even more access to you and slides your panties off “these need to go” he exhales, still captivated by your bare pussy in front of him. Quickly returning to your heat, his tongue prods at your dripping opening, devouring every last drop he can find before plunging the muscle in. Your grip tightens on his hair, pulling him in even more, moaning as he finally gives you what you want.
“Good boy Binnie” you praise, unknowing what that would do to him. Soobin’s eyes roll into the back of his head, his deep groans sending pleasure through you as his tongue is still inside you. His already hard cock gets even harder, twitching against his pants, begging to be freed. Soobin replaces his tongue with three long fingers, finding the perfect rhythm against your spongy spot while deliciously stretching you. His mouth attached to your clit, sucking the sensitive nub relentlessly. Wanting to hear those words come from your mouth again he’s willing to do anything.
Your words are almost incoherent through you moaning “Oh fuck Bin! So good-” “oh fuck don’t stop” and he has no intention of stopping until you cum, even if he stops breathing. He would love nothing more than to die this deep in your pussy. “Aghh- Fuck- mm- Gonna- gonna cum” Light headed, Soobin doesn’t stop, craving your orgasm just as much as you were. With one final high pitched moan, you come undone. Your juices cover soobin’s fingers, dripping down his hand, while your essence covers his face. Sucking and licking up every last drop of you until you're clean, sucking off what’s left on his fingers and hand. Looking up and smiling at you as he does so “mmm all clean”
You can’t help but compliment him “good boy”
His face and chest flush deep red, as his breathing stops. You swear you can see the chill run down his spine. “You like that, Binnie? When will I call you a ‘good boy’?
He nods stiffly, until the can verbally assure you “yes”
“Well, how about my good boy come over here and get his treat?” You bring both of your feet to the top of the desk, keeping your legs open, spreading your folds with your fingers to show him your needy hole.
“Fuck” he exhales as he comes to you, cock throbbing to be inside you already. He quickly undoes the button on his pants, along with the zipper, dropping them to his ankles. Before removing his briefs he looks at you, making sure this is what you want.
Sitting up and tilting your head to the side you can’t help but smile at him, a slight chuckle behind your question “what's wrong Binnie?”
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” he hesitantly asks, if you say no he might die. He’s not sure he can live after this if you say no.
“Do you want this Bin?” you question back, smiling kindly at him as you sit up. Radiating kindness in your eyes, you reach for his hands.
“Fuck i’ve never wanted anything more in my life Y/N” he avoids your hands, insteading holding your head to his. Hoping you can feel how sincere he is.
“Soobin, I want this. I want you. I want you to fuck me. Right here. Right now.” your hands reach for the waistband of his underwear, hooking your fingers around it and pulling them down as you say against his lips “I want you to fuck me like I’ve always wanted” ending the sentence with a kiss to his lips as you let his briefs fall around his ankles with his pants, fully exposing his member to the cold air surrounding you. Parting from his lips, you look down to finally see the dick you’ve fantasized about for so long. “Holy fuck” you gasp under your breath, wrapping your fist around his thick shaft. “Bin you’re huge..” your voice drifts off as you oggle him, stroking him up and down, rubbing your thumb over his precum covered head. You let a drop of your spit fall from your mouth, using it to lubricate your hand.
“Mmm fuck- alright enough of that!” Soobin removes your hand from his member, pushing you to your back and aligning himself with you. “You ready love?” lightly pushing his tip against your opening.
“God yes Soobin please!” You whine desperate for him to be inside you.
“Thank god! I don’t think I can hold back any longER” gliding past your opening, slowly sheathing himself fully inside you. Rubbing every nerve along your sensitive walls.
Both of you moaning in harmony, finally together as you both fantasized about. Soobin’s cock was not for the weak. It reached so deep inside you, you could see it bulge through your stomach, while his girth stretched you so sinfully good that tears came to your eyes.
“you okay Y/N?” Soobin asks, concerned after seeing the wetness on your lashes.
“”M good Binnie, So fuckkingg good” you moan in response
“Mmkay pretty, Can I move then?” he chuckles lightly at how fucked you are right now
“Please. Fuck Binnie please” you beg
Sliding his hips back you both hiss in pleasure. Pulling back until his tip is all that remains inside you, he thrusts back into you.
“UGhh Bin” his hips pick up speed, his tip pressing against your cervix with every thrust.
“Fuck baby you feel so good”
“Fill me-uuughh- so good”
“Perfect pussy. So perfect. My pussy all mine” Soobin massages your breast with his hand, his other gripping tightly onto your hip. Praises are spit out in between the erotic sounds being made.
“Close Bin- fuck i’m so close”
“Me to baby me to”
“Want you to cum inside” You can feel Soobin’s cock twitch inside you, causing you to clench around him.
“Oh fuck!’ He moans “you serious Y/N?”
“Yes! Want your cum Soo-BIN” your voice hitches as his hips harshly slap into yours.
“Want my cum? Want me to fill your pretty pussy?” His voice takes a different tone, sounding deeper and sexy, dominant. Feeling your clench around him as he spoke to you this way pushed him further. Pulling out, he flips you around, pushing back in, his hips slap against your ass a couple of times before he bends forward. He lifts your leg up onto the desk, resting your weight on your knee while he wraps his long arms around your chest and stomach lifting you up. You can see everything. You’re smudged lipstick, black smudges of mascara, his messy hair pushed off of his forehead as he smirks at you. The way his fingers are working quick circles around your clit while the other is toying with your breast, squeezing and pinching your nipple. But your eyes are locked lower on the mirror. Locked on the sight of Soobin’s cock sliding in and out of you. The visual has you shaking in his arms, drooling at how good his cook looks filling you, anticipating what it will look like when his cum is shooting inside you, dripping out when he pulls out of your throbbing cunt.
“Look how sexy you are, Y/N. See how well you take my cock baby?”
“So gooood-”
“My pretty girl can’t talk? My cock making you stupid?”
“Mmhmm” you whine “wan- wanna cum”
“You wanna cum baby? Wanna cream all over my cock?” he teases, biting your neck. You can only moan in response. “I’ll take that as a yes” he chuckles against your skin, before whispering “Cum for me Y/N” giving you one last deep thrust to push against your sweet spot, and you crumble. The band inside you snaps, hard, pink coloured eyes rolling to the back of your head as you clench around his length as your cum coats him.
“Good job baby. So good for me” he praises you, kissing your shoulder as he works you through the last ripples of your orgasm. Completely spent, your head falls back against his shoulder, only being held up by Soobin’s arms wrapped around you.
“Holy fuck bin” you breathlessly say
He chuckles “what?” starting to slowly glide into you again
Moaning, already overly sensitive from just cumming, you tell him “you’re fucking cock, jesus”
“Mmm? What about it, Y/N?” he hums in your ear, upping the intensity of his movements ever so deliciously. Dragging along your gummy walls
“ohH fuucckk”
“What about my cock Y/N?”
“So good- cock’s so good” you cry out, Soobin’s cock hitting deeper inside you again, searching for his own orgasm now.
“You need to be more specific, baby. Tell me what is it about my cock that you like so much”
You have no idea where your usually shy and bashful best friend is right now because the man fucking you right now is very different. Different in the sexiest way possible. “Never knew you were so dominant Bin”
He laughs, deeply in his chest “Talking back now are we?”
You look at him through the mirror and smirk, raising your eyebrows in a challenge wanting to push him even further.
“Alright then” he lets go of your body, and pushes you down flat to the desk “fine, be a brat”.
The slapping sound echoes throughout the room, the stinging pain where his hand made contact with your ass caused you to cry out. Fucking you harder than he had before, using you for his own need, taking out the remaining frustration he has from earlier.
“Gonna talk now?”
“Why would I do that, Binnie?” you pant between breathes as he fucks into you harder and faster.
Your reddened cheek is met with another harsh slap, making you arch your back and clench around his cock, “fuck!”
“Oh you like that. Not such a good girl afterall. Baby likes it rough huh?” Giving you another slap, you confirm everything he just said. “Mmm my baby likes it rough. You like it when I spank you, pretty girl? Like it when I'm rough?” spanking you on the other cheek now you cry out in pleasure. “Fuck youre so hot you know that? Squeezing my cock like that”
“Fuck Soobin, need you to cum” you whine. “Want your cum Soobin please!”
“You want me to cum? Tell me what you like about my cock first Y/N. Be a good girl and I’ll fill you up.”
“Fuck Soobin. You’re cocks huge - so big, fills me so good. Ahhh-hits so deep inside. Fuck! stretch me so good. Makes me feel soo good Binnie, fuck- PLEASE!- PLEASE BIN- cum in me”
“You want it?” he teases one last time, as you say the words that make him crumble
“Please Soobin! Fill me with your cum! Make me yours- Claim me Binnie-”
Soobin fucks you hard and fast, chasing his orgasm to do exactly as you begged for.
“Mine baby- FUCK- gonna make you mine. Make sure everyone knows it too. Fill you with my cum baby- Drip down your thighs for the rest of the day- squirm everytime you feel it remembering my cock deep inside you. Make you feel better than anyone ever could. You’re mine Y/N-mine!”
His hips stutter and you feel his cock twitch inside you as his hot white cum starts to paint your insides. The feeling of finally being with Soobin and being claimed by him, is so overwhelming, you can't help but cum with him. Kissing down your spine while you both come down from your highs, you turn over your shoulder leaning for a kiss. When he connects his lips to yours it’s heaven. The anger and desperation are absent this time, letting you both feel your emotions. Feeling how you both belong together.
It felt so right, like all of your missing pieces had been found. You found your home, and it was Soobin.
“Y/N”
“Mmhmm?” You smile at him pulling away from his lips
“I- I..”
“Come on Soob don’t be shy now” you tease him
“I’m just… fuck I’m just so happy right now”
“Me to Soobin. So so happy”
“I love you Y/N” he confesses
Your eyes widened, shocked that he just spoke the words you dreamed of hearing one day. Too stunned to speak. Sure you just fucked each other and admitted that you both wanted each other but love!? You knew you loved him but hearing him say those three words made your heart explode.
“It’s okay if you don’t feel that way. I just,” he rubs the back of his neck embarrassed “I just really wanted to tell you.”
The biggest smile spreads across your face unable to contain your glee. ‘He’s so fucking cute I can’t handle it’ you think to yourself before you respond to him “I love you to Soobin!”
His eyes light up as he engulfs you in the tightest hug. “God I love you so much. Can I keep you to myself now? Can you be mine? Only mine? Please!?” He asks
“Soobin you goof! I was already yours!” You giggle at how adorable he is. “You’re so fucking cute I can’t handle you!”
“Stop!” He blushes and hides in your neck at you calling him cute
“I can’t help it, Bin! Look at you, this is the CUTEST!” You squeal at him
He pokes out of your neck at looks up at you with big brown puppy dog eyes as he rests his chin on your chest and pouts, whining “stop teasing me”
“YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!? My heart is gonna explode from cuteness overload! You’re like a big puppy” you rubs his head, emphasising your point.
“Okay okay!” He laughs before taking your hand off of His head and kissing your palm. “You really are like Marin when I think about it. You sounded just like her just now”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Marin Kitagawa is bae. However, can we talk about how jealous you were earlier”
Hanging his head in his hands Soobin pleads “yeah… can we forget that? Please?”
“Why? Are you embarrassed?” You tease him, making him groan. “You know, it’s was kinda hot though”
Soobin’s head springs up “yeah?”
“Yeah, it was pretty hot seeing you get so mad when the guys were talking to me.”
“They weren’t talking, they were all over you! Touching you and shit! I-“
“Soob! Calm down. You won babe, I’m all yours” kissing him to shut him up.
“Yeah… you’re mine. My girl”
“And you’re my man”
“Y/n?”
“Mmhmm?” you hum sweetly
*Knock knock knock*
You both jump, startled and try to cover yourselves as you watch the door crack open a tiny bit
“Hey guys, it’s just me” Yeonjun quietly says through the door “I don’t know what you’re both up to but Soobin the shoot starts in 15 minutes you need to get ready.”
“Okay! Thanks hyung” Soobin responds awkwardly as Yeonjun shuts the door, leaving you two to fix yourselves up and get ready for the shoot.
You both scramble around, scouring the floor for your clothes. Quickly putting back on your underwear, and bra, and tying your shirt around your waist and fixing your skirt. You grab your brush belt and prepare as fast as you can, while Soobin walks back over to you, fastening the button on his pants.
“Sit” you smile at him and point to the chair
As he takes his seat you look him over and immediately regret attaching onto his neck so hard earlier. Covering the purple and red marks was going to take longer than you hoped. So you dive in right away, not wasting a single second. Concentrating so hard that you don’t even talk.
Soobin takes in your appearance. The love bites that he left to decorate your neck and chest make him feel warm inside, knowing everyone will see them. His eyes wander to your face and he can't help the swelling of his heart as he watches your eyebrows crinkle as you concentrate on trying to cover his hickeys. Finding the way you bite your lip and lick your lips as you work is adorable. He’s watched you work so many times before, and seen these faces both while you work and when it’s just the two of you gaming or working on something, but this time it’s different. Knowing that you love him the way he loves you makes everything about you that much cuter. He speaks before he even processes what he’s going to say
“Y/N?”
“Mmm?” Humming in response, words taking too much effort at this moment
“Can I take you on a date? Like a proper one?”
Your whole body freezes as you finally look at him, not just the marks on him. “What?” You ask quietly
“Will you go on a date with me?”
“Yes. YES! Of course I will!” You smile and hug him before giving him a quick peck.
“Is tomorrow okay?”
“Yeah that sounds good” you say excitedly as you return to your work, finishing covering the last of his marks, moving on to the rest of his face. “God I hope you’re wearing something that covers most of this! I’m gonna be in so much shit!” referring to the million marks you had left on him.
“Y/N it’s okay that’s what editing is for” chuckling as he rubs your arm in support
“I just got so carried away… wanted to show everyone your mine”
“Like I’m one to talk! Have you seen yourself?” Laughing at how desperate you both were to claim each other.
“Still!” You apply concealer around his eyes and blend it into the rest of his makeup. Combing through his brows with a gel and adding a light tint to his already swollen lips. “Your lips are even more pouty now. Fuck you’re gonna look to good in this shoot. I can see the edits now” despair shooting across your face as you tip your head back.
“Hey! Who cares about edits? I’m all yours baby”
“But everyone’s gonna see how sexy you look” you pout
“And who did that to me?” Soobin raises his eyebrows and you flush a little “exactly” he smirks and pecks you quickly
You blend out the subtle blush you applied and then look him over, making sure everything looks okay. Which of course he does, his skin is flawless and he always looks gorgeous. “Okay I’m done”
Standing from the chair he looks in the mirror and fixes his hair “you’d never know I was covered in hickeys a minute ago”
You slap his arm and he laughs “keep it that way bin!”
“Alright alright!” He turns to you, grabbing your hands gently with his huge ones and looks into your pink tinted lenses as you look up at him. “I’ll text you after the shoot okay?”
“Kay” you softly respond.
Taking your hand up to his lips, Soobin places a soft kiss on the back of it before saying “I love you Y/N”
“Love you to Bin”
He gives you one last kiss, his hand cupping your ear as his thumb rubs your cheekbone. He reluctantly lets go and jogs to the door. Before exiting, he turns back to you and smiles.
“I’ll see you later?”
You nod and he leaves with a smile plastered on his face. Walking down the hall to the shoot, he sees the guys. All staring him down with intense eyes.
“What?” Soobin asks tentatively
“WHAT!? Bro you need to spill NOW!” Yeonjun demands
“Ahhh- wow look at the time we have to start yeah? I think they just called my name” he points with his thumb over his shoulder as he quick walk turns into sprint to wardrobe to escape this conversation.
“CHOI SOOBIN! Get back here” Yeonjun chases after him, not willing to let him off the hook until he hears every last detail of how well his plan worked out.
Yeonjun’s phone pings notifying him of a new text message. “Don’t think this is over Soobin!” He yells at him, stopping to take out his phone, seeing the notification with your name. Opening your message he smirks proud of his two idiot best friends.
“Thank you ❤️” is all your text said but he knew exactly what you were referring to
“You're welcome pretty! but you owe me ��😉”
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