#i wish i could just not fucking go to school tomorrow.
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thanks for the advice! i did that just now & i've drank a full cup of milk with honey i feel much better, i also discovered that other than the cold i apparently have bronchitis, but atleaste bc of that i won't go to school for days
I'm glad you feel better then !!
Also, fuck I wish that were me.
#i wish i could just not fucking go to school tomorrow.#yes i have school on saturdays#i live an hour and a half from campus so i have to put allllll my hours at the end of the day or i die of sleep deprivation#which means i have to spread them across the entire week.#which means class on saturday.#i might even have an exam tomorrow but i truly have no idea and let's be honest i do not care anymore#it's english literature and i speak better english than the teacher. the teacher is also a prick.#so i even if there is an exam im not studying for it. my results from a few weeks ago were fine anyway#ask#candiebish#rant
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#hm. some choices to make tomorrow#bc i could ask my advisor if thr lab needs a tech this summer so i could get paid to make media and do transfers#but then im at risk of getting sucked back into school stuff#but if i dont then i have to find a different job which is scary. i mean im sure i could find something but ya kno#but i would be getting a job i could just not think abt it when i leave. which ive never had before#and im feeling a bit better now so im like fuck u give me challanges. ya kno?#my counselor thinks i should just go back to ohio for the summer and i could but i dunno#i feel like it would b harder to live with my dad all summer. i dunno. maybe i should. maybe not. i feel like i could do more here#im just sorta lacking purpose rn. ugh.#i mean here i can just walk more places so i could potentially get out more than i could in rural ohio#but that assumes i would actually go out. bleh. i hate this. gotta make annoying choices#but whatever. im just lucky that ive got enough saved up that im not gonna b in trouble not getting paid much over yhe summer#so. could be worse. just wish it was better#unrelated
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in the trenches these days fr
#genuinely havent had this bad of a time mentally in so long im gonna lose ot#its like REALLY annoying this time esp bc i dont have the TIME !!!!! i need to do so many things and also a bunch of actual fun stuff#but im just like mentally???? idek???#for the past week ive felt like season 3 stiles when he couldnt tell if he was alseep or awake and he was like seeing things and losing it#like thats genuinely the only way i can describe it rn what the fuck is going ON#one of my best friends is coming to stay this wekeend and WE'RE BOOKED AND BUSY doing lots of high school reunions#and i was so excited but now im brain is messing it all up and im pissed i havent seen here properly in soooo long#there were just so many things i needed to get done before she gets here tomorrow evening but ive been wallowing in bed all week#WHATEVER ITS FINE i just wish the anxiety would settle so i could actually breathe and get shit done
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i know it's not like i'm the most affected by the situation, but i wish idk i wish that i didn't have to direct my whole behavior to be my mom's emotional support dog so she can feel she's a good project manager and at least someone understands her side and listens to her good advice. which admittedly my uncle is being particularly difficult in this whole situation, bc it's always complicated, but also christ maybe it was your mom but it was also my grandma. one day you tell me "what you two had was really special" and the next you don't even let me have a moment alone with her. like god. you saw her yesterday. you could've left me a minute with her or something. you could've refrained from putting your gross ass arm around my shoulders like why do you absolutely cannot resist ruining every important moment in my life? i want to be as helpful as possible for her in this very difficult time, but NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES. not even five minutes could she stand letting me handle how I want to grieve MY own grandmother.
#it just feels like i'll never have closure#like i'll never get to say goodbye#and i can't say anything because i'm not going to tell anyone how to greive their mother#and if she needs me there then i'll be there it's. whatever.#but god#tomorrow and sunday: weekend. have to spend it with my parents.#monday: school. maybe i can try to visit the funerarium with the bus if i have time but. i don't know. it's so scary.#i'll have to squeeze a visit between school and the time i need to be home and i just wish i didn't have this fucking dreadful perspective#and this equally dreadful memory#hanging over every second i could spend there#tuesday: burial. we'll see her before they close the casket but there'll be lots of people it's just. gross.#i mean i'll go but it's not the same#it's nothing like what it should've been#i feel awful#you can't even let me have one last good memory of her#a peaceful time instead of having to take a wild guess about what you need this second and managing your emotions#she expects a certain behavior from me and i don't even fucking know what it is#i mean yeah it means i should be like i was when i was six and my grandpa died#i should cry and scream and be a crisis situation to manage and cry about together#sorry i haven't molded myself to be exactly what you need#broadcasting my misery#vent
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So so so fucking angry tonight
#mars says stuff#EVERYTHING IN MY PERSONAL LIFE IS LEGIT FINE I PROMMY#IM JUST SO SICK OF THE ZIONIST MISINFORMATION AND MILQUETOAST APATHETIC DEMOCRAT BULLSHIT THAT#I FEEL COMPLICIT IN BC I WORK FOR A RADIO STATION AND I HAVE TO PUMP OUT NEWS PROMOS#AND ITS THE ONLY JOB I HAVENT BEEN FIRED FROM#AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF THE RAMPANT TRANSPHOBIA AND ESPECIALLY TRANSMISOGYNY#EVERYWHERE I FUCKING GO AND TO HAVE OTHER TMASC PPL BE LIKE 'LMAO THATS NOT REAL AND IF IT IS ITS NOT THAT BAD THESE CRAZY BITCHES'#WHEN I SEE IT ONLINE AND IN PERSON EVERY FUCKING DAY AND IM NOT EVEN THE ONE IT EFFECTS#AND I TRY TO ENGAGE IN MY COMMUNITY. THERES A JUNETTENTH EVENT IM GOING TO TMR TO TRY AND SCOUT OUT SOME LOCAL ORGS#I CAN VOLUNTEER FOR TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER IN MY COMMUNITY#but tonight i just feel shitty and small and ineffectual and hypocritical and angry and cowardly#AND EVERYONES LIKE OH DEAL WITH THAT ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY THATLL HELP#MOTHERFUCKER I USE IT AS FUEL TO MAKE ART. TO PLAY MUSIC. TO TRY NOT TO FLUNK OUT OF A SCHOOL THAT I HATE BC OF THE INSTITUTIONS IT UPHOLDS#and i never have enough after my bills are paid to donate to all the gofundmes both here and in palestine i want to help out#im just so fucking mad. but im also 5'3“ and awkward and chubby and I cant fight and all of my friends tease me for it and it comes from a#place of love and im not mad at them. i just wish i could kick someones ass tonight. some fucking bigot i could put all my rage behind#and just keep hitting and hitting until the fucker stopped moving. but i cant do that. both not physically and also bc i Might Lose Everythi#ng#ill delete this tomorrow#time to watch some shitty youtube videos and eat something and get high enough that i dont feel so fucking mad#just consume my way out of it lmao
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EVERY DAY I AM THANKFUL TO BE GAY
#found the one other queer woman at my cousin's engagement party and talked to her for almost 4 hours i love her#my cousin turned 22 last month with a fiancee and i'm 22 in 4 days and i'm just excited to meet another gay person it's literally dire......#but meet we did and i got her number and she does go to school 3 times zones away from me but! i think she also listens to skz what are the#fucking ODDS dude#i'm watching him open gifts in the other room and wishing i could be drunker elsewhere is that bitchy :/ i'm being very supportive i prommy#mostly i wish she would come back and maybe come to breakfast tomorrow before i leave the state#whatever i ❤️ GAY PEOPLE 5 EVER#a post
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i'm so serious when i say that school makes me wanna rip my flesh off
#feeling murderous rage#i hate devoting every minute of my day to doing these stupid math questions (and i actually used to like math!!!)#i wanna go out for like a walk or something rn but it's late and i still have so much to finish. like i've been working on hw for 4 hours#like i miss having time to myself#it's like everytime i think of school i break down... what a fucked up education system#i don't want to go back to school tomorrow... literally want to throw up#it's so stressful i hate it so much#all i do is get home. eat something. do hw for like 4 hours. sob for like 15 minutes. stare at the wall. and sleep. how miserable is that#and i just wanna punch someone rn. wish i could tell my teachers that assingning so much hw everyday only makes me wanna kick them#trapped in a simulation where all i can do is try my best to finish all my hw. and still not be able to complete it!!!#i just wanna be a teenage girl doing stuff that isn't school related.... is that too much to ask for#gonna sob soon bye ✌️#personal
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It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
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trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard
#in neg city#they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it#even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to#and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood#and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would#in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors#withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite#smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER#i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in#i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments#i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do#and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE#THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT#i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in#and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON#idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do#and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen#but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood#i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes#clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking#i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore
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#Yknow when you feel so sad you feel like throwing up ?? Yeah :(#idk man it’s sooo fucking annoying like I would not be feeling this way if I was fucking consulted. Like a few phone calls. An email maybe#it wouldn’t’ve been hard!!!!!!!!!#its just so sad like no one thinks about anything people keep puttting words in my mouth#most importantly people keep being disrespectful of my time and my desires!!!! Like shit dude maybe what I want matters!!!#normally I wouldn’t say that but like. If you’d have given me a choice I would’ve had some fuckibg things to say!!!!!!!!#and it doesn’t help that my lesson didn’t go well I know that’s separate but it just makes everything feel so impossible huhhhhhhhh#ITS NOT!!! It will be fine I’ve been through far worse this is like. The most normal thing I’ve ever been upset about#but it doesn’t make it not suck :((((#I wish I could take a break without being punished hhhhh but tragically it’s finals!!! And jury prep!!! So I guess I’ll die!!!#idk maybe it’ll all be better tomorrow who knows#I think I will make pasta for school tmrw… that will help#ALSO IF YOU KNOW ME IRL I PROMMY IM OKAY I SWEAR ITS FINE MY TEACHERS R JUST PISSING ME OFF#Portal of rambling
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#tomorrow is the day the measurements start. the start of my 40+ days of torment. but idk im glad its finally here#i dont have to dread it anymore. hopefully its the last time i have to do these type of measurements#i was talking to my boss yesterday and she was like: oh last timr we were out i realized this might be ur last time doing lpi for thr rest#of ur life. and i was like god i hope so. bc thats a process where i crawl across the ground for 50m per transect and identify all the#plants and soil cover and for the life of me i cant fucking remember plant codes. i hate it bc i basically have to talk for like 3hrs and#have someone standing over my shoulder recording me and all the while my brain is screaminf at me bc field work doesnt count as real work#in my stupid brain. so yea ill do lpi and soil stability as benign torment in purgatory#but anyway. im hesitantly optimistic abt the measurements i have to take bc im going to try my best to make it ok bc i have school#interviews looming and i have to pretend im hanging on by more than a single thread ya kno#so we r going to b careful abt it. well at least well see how long it lasts. i also have tk find the time to read a bunch before interviews#while my brain is completely fried idk how. and do other lab stuff. sigh...#idk im probably going to take measurements all the way thru sunday and then monday see if i can fill out patent intake info with a psy#psychiatrist. and hope they take my insurance. i called and checked for providers and they were the only one in the area so shoulf b ok but#ya kno. god im barely a functional person. like the fact that i have to drive 8min down the road is very nearly enough for me to say fuck#it. id rather suffer forever. i just hate driving so much :-P#i just wish i could focus enough to make words make sense and justify the time i spend to learn things. agh#lmao im such an anxious person. a lab mate had a birthday today and my boss and a fellow lab member surprised her with a cake#and im v worried abt when my birthday happens. it wasnt so bad last time bc another birthday was also that week so the focus was off me a#lil but with my boss leaving this school i was like. yes. i escape the surprise gathering. but probably not. same for when i leave#genuinely i do not want a gathering. i just feel like im waiting for them to end. not that i dont like my lab mates but idk it feels so#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me#like turn their head to see my reaction to something and i just like fundamentally do not understand that impulse#whatever. what i want for my birthday or going away is to not attend the gathering. make it more like a wake lol#but i kno that wont happen. last year my boss asked whst i wanted and i said nothing and she said that wasnt allowed#im just so neurotic that if u try to do anything for me itll prob just upset me. but idk ppl like to give presents and stuff#and sometimes things arent all abt me. so i just gotta accept it and go cry abt it later#but thats like 3 months away so i dont kno why im so stressed abt it now. I've got more pressing things to stress abt#unrelated
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I have yet to make sourdough bread that meets my standards for bread BUT I love my sourdough starter like a son
#he grows and deflates and gets soggy and rises#the way it feels and bounces around and sticks makes me think of like. calcifer#i have a microbial calcifer in my refrigerator and he grows bread for me#he's too young to make GOOD bread but its bread nonetheless ! goddamn it !#someone at work said that id get attached to my starter and i wasn't sure i believed them#but man. i love my sourdough goop so much#i think i might name him calcifer honestly bc microbial calcifer is a perfect way to describe it lmfao#it really does have that sort of dramatic attitude that calcifer has in the movies#i know that sounds insane to say but its true lmfao#tomorrow im going to try making sourdough pita bread AND im making vegan tikka masala. im so fucking excited#i made butter chicken a few months ago and it was delicious but all i could think was ''this is just juice with some chicken in it''#its DELICIOUS juice and chicken but still#and i finally found a recipe that uses tomato SAUCE and not chopped tomatoes (<- texture hater)#it uses tofu which is a problem for me but im going to try using potatoes instead#do potatoes go well with tikka masala? idk. am i going to find out? yeah lmao#with PITA bread. for my DINNER#ugh i love to cook. i wish i didn't live with my mother who makes me feel like im stupid for wanting to try new things#me: i want to try x#my mom with the world's biggest ''im trying to bully you like a high school girl'' side eye to my dad: ohhhhhhhhhhh.....well.......#to clarify bc i didn't explain very well: i wanted my butter chicken to have a bunch of vegetables in it#and my tikka masala recipe has cauliflower broccoli peas and carrots (and potatoes bc im adding those instead of tofu)#ugh. im so excited to eat it with rice and pita bread!!!!!!!#and im going to stuff the other pita breads with turkey to make wraps and maybe some scrambled eggs and minced sausage in another#maybe GRILLED KIMCHI CHEESE PITA SANDWICH ugh YES#IM SO EXCITED#i hope my pita bread is good really badly
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It’s a beautiful night to cry in the shower over dead father figures in your life
#read the obituary for my middle school teacher who died recently and he’s like the same age as my dad#so that’s miserable#then I accidentally pictured them smoking a bowl together and started breakdown sobbing#life keeps punching me in the stomach and grief is like a universal thing like everyone will feel it at some point in their life and it’s so#fucking suffocating and you feel so alone in your grief and I just wish I was up north the service for my teacher is tomorrow I wish I was#in New Hampshire I wish I could stop by and cry and tell people how much he meant to me#and the teacher liked to drink at a restaurant bar place I’d go with my dad and they’d talk about music and now next time I go into town#I’ll drive past that restaurant with all those memories and know my two favorite things about that place are gone :’((((#ughhhhh I don’t like my period I don’t like crying I know it’s healthy but like god damn can I stop crying and feeling so shitty about dead#people I haven’t talked to in months like I get it I’m sad I get it I get it I get it I get it#it’s not bringing them back it’s only hurting me getting my shit together it’s so embarassing to have feelings I hate it
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ohhhhh no. fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life. this shit isn't funny anymore guys!!!!!! it's pretty fucking unfunny and you're still laughing!!!!!!!! god. dammit. literally just run me over with a car what the fuck
#our school gives a set number of graduation tickets for family and whatever#i have promised several to my friends but my family is going too#including my grandparents who're driving in from out of state#so guess who can't find the. plain. little. envelope#in the stack of shit she was sure it was in.#ohhhhh my godddddd#and once they show up i can't even like swear around them but i KNOW when my parents find out i lost them they'll be so fucking.goddamn#graduation's tomorrow and i gotta get the tickets delivered to my friends today#cannot emphasize enough that my room is fucking. obliterated#and my mom in her cleaning frenzy very well could've just thrown them out. or even just moved them#they could be in my friend's car#im going to set myself on FIRE#i have my french exam in a little over an hour i do Not Need To Be Thinking About This Rn#god. fuck my stupid baka life#wish my brain would stop forgetting things wish my brain would stop being fucking silly quirky at me in ways that ruin my life!!!!!#i mean this isn't life ruining but it fucking blows is my point#Do Not Lose These Do Not Lose These. ok lol (<- is about to lose them)#ohhh my god i have to keep saying fuck my stupid baka life because everything else is like im going to stab myself im going to eat myself#hell on earth hell on earth hell on earth#killing maiming biting etc#but not in a fun way in a very very bad way#my rejection sensitivity is gonna be fuckin. decimated after this. oh my god theyre going to be upset witj me for reasons that actually#matter this time. they might even hold a grudge about it and bring it up at family dinners. fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka li#look ok i have hours to find them. maybe it'll be ok. maybe. almost. but it's not good it's not good it's not good at ALL#je killerais moiself or some shit idk god im gona fail my exam too
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Day 21 - Flustered
Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader Word Count: 710 Content: Fluff! They're idiots your honor, but they're my idiots Tuna-Tober 2024 Masterlist <- check out the other fics posted this month!
A/N: A drabble! I didn't want to make this one too too long. Besides I'm cooking for one of the future days 👀. As always be sure to like, reblog and comment!! - YoursTruly
“He’s just so- UGH!” You cover your face with your hands and let out a groan. Shoko shakes her head while laughing at you. You both were sitting in the school’s shared kitchen, enjoying each other’s company. It was nice to have this moment to catch up with Shoko because you rarely got to see her on missions.
Well. . . it was nice until Shoko asked how things were going between you and Gojo.
“I just- I dunno, wish something would happen between us, but it’s like he’s untouchable.” You mumble, your hands still covering your face. “It’s stupid, Gojo probably just treats me the same way he treats anyone else.”
Shoko hums and closes her eyes, her lips curling into a small smirk.
“You still call him Gojo?” She asks and you peer up at her, “I thought you were on a first name basis with everyone?” A teasing glint flashes in her eyes. “I dunno, I never really thought about calling him Satoru before.” It was a lot easier for you just to call him Gojo because that’s how you knew him. It rolled off the tongue, especially when you’re yelling at him over a stupid prank he pulled on you.
“Call him Satoru. I guarantee he’ll stop fucking around with you if you do.”
“Ha! Fat chance,” You laugh at her and Shoko shrugs her shoulders, still smirking.
“Just try,” She reaches down in her pocket to grab a cigarette, “And speak of the devil. . .”
Gojo and Geto waltz into the kitchen. Gojo zips around the corner and opens the fridge to see what food he could steal from you while Geto starts making tea.
“How was the mission?”
“Boring as ever,” Gojo whines, “Did you make anything to eat?” He asks you and you roll your eyes at him.
“It’s not for you! I was going to eat the leftovers for lunch tomorrow,” You tell him, turning your back to him. You make eye contact with Shoko and she gives you a look. Your shoulders droop before Gojo puts his arm around your shoulders, his head leaning to the side.
“I’m gonna die if I don’t eat anything right now~”
“Leave her alone, Gojo,” Shoko tells him, but the white haired nuisance clinging onto you wouldn’t listen.
“But I’m starving, Shoko! It’s a crime to let me die like this,” He tells you, sunglasses falling down the bridge of his nose as he looks at you.
“Make your own food Satoru, I need my leftovers for my mission tomorrow.” You try to push him off your shoulder but he goes stiff.
You look back at him and are surprised to see a faint blush spreading across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. . . what?
“Nevermind.” He lets go of you and looks away, “Not hungry anymore.”
Geto and Shoko share a look. Geto grins, “I thought you were going to starve to death?” He asks with a teasing lilt in his voice.
Satoru pushes his glasses back up his nose as he clears his throat. “Nope. Actually tired. Going to bed. Goodnight.” And he rushes out of the kitchen.
A silence fills the room before Shoko starts laughing and Geto chuckles as you stay dumbfounded.
“What. . . just happened?” You ask, trying to make sense of Gojo’s reaction.
“Nothing,” Geto says as he joins you and Shoko at the table with tea. He offers you a cup and you take it, looking down at the swirling pattern the leaves are creating in the water.
Shoko catches her breath, “That was worth the price of admission. You need to do that more often, it’s hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the honored one so flustered before.” She covers her smile, trying to control her laughter, but it’s not working.
You hear a door slam in the distance and Shoko doubles over with her laughter.
He slams the door quickly and covers his mouth. You calling him Satoru replays in his head over and over as he starts pacing around the room. Why else would he think about you calling him Satoru in other ways. He wants you to call him that all the time, in classes, during missions, in bed.
He’s going insane, he has to be.
#tuna tober 2024#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#jjk fanfic#satoru gojo fluff#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you
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"I think I'm getting out of depressive slump! I did so good last night after feeling bad! This is good, I'm doing good!"
> Tuesday
#im not gonna elaborate bc it's funny this way and maybe I'll actually feel my progress#like idk.#through gritted teeth and all that bad days don't limit my progress its ok to feel bad its ok to have bad days as long as I try again#tomorrow#now if I could actually believe its true for me#or if i could stop feeling like im utterly fucking worthless bc i do nothing but sleep in till the afternoon and stay up bc I can't fall a#sleep that'd be great!#like idk ngl I haven't felt like I had any purpose or I'm contributing to anything since I was like 8 or 9? 4th/5th grade#i had art for a bit if i could make something then I could be useful and people would want me but I dont do anything.#i should just suck it up you know? people have it worse then me I should just work in fastfood like everyone else and stop whining bc its#annoying to everyone I know it is. Like to be around me I can guess its fucking exhausting bc all i do is have a good week if that and then#I'm right back to my mentality throughout school#like haha at least im graduated#maybe if I write * **** now * *** *** ****** ** * *** ** * *** ******#idk. I just don't. Trying to stay strong for little me to show we can do it but god everything ever wants to drag me down#If I make it through December January will be good to me. If I could just get a glimpse of hope maybe I could actually see a good life for#myself!#idk it always boils down to Im just a stupid worthless fucking kid who should've been left out to rot and I don't deserve anything because#its wasted on me because I can't be good I can't be happy and everything I wished for just isn't gonna happen for me#like I know I'm just never going to get to transition. 5 fucking times. I need to take the hint I'll only be able to be myself online and n#o ones gonna accept me outside of online spaces and I'm just forever gonna be some chick and I'll never fucking get to be happy in my body#or see it as mine#its all so fucking hopeless#Next month will be better I just have to say it so little me gets to smile and dream big while I cry silently because people are home
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