#i will talk more abt stuff w her later...... it was literally the ending of the class so we couldnt talk all that much

[kimmkitsuragi]

SO FUNNYY how the person next to me had her browser background set as fucking MDZS and the whole class i was like. how do i tell her. how do i mention this without sounding like a creep (bc she never had that image up long enough to comment on u know, it's just a few seconds before she opens another page kinda thing) and thennnn by the end of the class she just left it on for a littleeeee longer and i was like ah fuck it I LOVE YOUR BACKGROUND!!!! and this is yet another example how yaoi connects us all on a deeper level 😸

[faaun]

the way my heart sank . lol

[girltomboy]

Last week my bf and I found out that one of our friends has been talking "seriously" to another friend's ex crush and it kinda shattered my faith in him like not only is this girl barely 18 (?? I think) but she was also the root of some huge drama that happened last year. She started secretly texting our friend and he told our other friend who then stopped talking to her and moved on. He was super broken and disappointed though. And a few months ago she apparently texted him again, this time he didn't tell our other friend, and now they have like a Thing?? And he already said he's been thinking about how to tell friend number 2 about what's been going on, but he still hasn't done it, and their Thingationship is just naturally progressing, like he's been tentatively telling me and my bf about some of their inside jokes or things they tell each other, and I'm like ?? Bruh what the hell are you doing lol. My bf apparently told him that his secret situationship is a bad idea and really unfair to our friend as well who suffered terribly after his friendship breakup last year. And he just agreed and that was it. But nothing changed, so we just figured he's enjoying the attention and connection with a girl which has been so rare for him, but I'm like... does the world end and begin with this one girl who's too young for pretty much everyone in our friend group?Just cause she made the silly decision to text you again doesn't mean you have to disregard any feelings you have for one of your best friends... Not to mention this wouldn't even be the first time he has a Thing with a close friend's ex girlfriend or crush 🙄 Like idk I know they're both single and there never really was anything beyond a simple friendship between this girl and friend number 2, but what do you even get out of a potentially failed talking stage that you have to hide from your close friend...? Idk this thing really shifted my perception of him, I noticed he was still following this girl on insta but I thought it was just a coincidence that they still follow each other after the failed attempt at integrating her into our friend group last year.

[judeswhore]

You and Jude and all of your friends going on vacation and there’s this girl there that obviously likes Jude and has desperately tried to break you guys up and have jude to herself. Doing stuff like asking him to put on her sundream and moaning while he does and like flirting with him and your obviously jealous and not having it so. Your bedroom in the villa is beside her and you leave your bedroom door open and you and jude have the most unholy sex and he has you literally screaming his name and in the morning she deffo gets pissed and obviously all the others are all ‘you proved your point now let us sleep’ and she ends up like going home early

she’s always had a thing for him but you’ve managed to let it slide for the sake of not causing issues in ur group but she’s been going too far on this trip and ur losing ur patience w her. and you’d explained to jude that it pisses u off but to him bc he isn’t interested in her he’s just telling u to let it go and ignore her bc she’s just making herself look like a fool. and at first u do but then at the pool one day she’s talking to him in this stupid skimpy bikini, tits literally in his face, asking if he’ll retie the bikini for her and ur fuming bc she’s doing it on purpose. touching his chest and biceps and telling him how good the sun is making him look and ur absolutely reeling. and so it’s out u in a bit of a mood all day and everyone can tell and jude’s been trying to cheer u up but nothing has worked. so ur back in the villa in ur room that’s right beside hers and the way it’s set out is so her bed is on the same wall as urs so anything that happens she’s 100% gna hear.

in the room and jude’s asking what he can do to make u feel better bc he hates that ur upset abt it and ur all “u can fuck me” and who’s he to say no to that? and it’s such good sex like he absolutely wrecks u (as always), has u coming more times than u can count and ur both being a little too loud and the bed is hitting the wall a little too much. jude has caught on that u want the girl to hear and that makes him wna make u a little louder too bc he wants her to know she has no chance. and ur going at it till like 3am bc one round just isn’t enough but then when ur all having breakfast the next morning everyone’s a little pissed at the two of u bc u were a little too loud. she’s obviously furious bc she heard the whole thing but then ur other friends are all “look we get u had a point to make and i think you’ve made it so can we keep it down tonight?” which has u and jude giggling bc u actually have no shame. and then later in the day u find out she’d gone home bc she “wasn’t well” and jude’s grinning at u all “maybe she doesn’t like the way i sound when i cum” bc he knows exactly why she left

[childofsardior]

Hai-! Saw that you temporarily opened up asks for your AU and stuff here, and, just curious, since I saw that lovely OC of yours kinda added in for your koopa week doodles, and if you weren't already planning on info dumping about her, theeeeen... Can we see some of your headcanons and stuff about her??? I saw her and immediately wanted to know more, I really like seeing people's OC's!!

Hello!!! Thank you for asking ^w^ I'm always happy to talk about my girl Estrela >:3

ESTRELA KOOPZ - AN INTRODUCTION!

Estrela Koopz is a red Koopa Troopa. She lives in the Mushroom Kingdom, along with her father and two sisters - her mother is always roaming around the World and rarely visits them. She was born in Peach's Kingdom and is part of the few hundred Koopa families living there - most of them being fugitive from the Dark Lands or immigrants from other Kingdoms.

She's in her 20s, she's kind and polite but also very determined, and her tongue can turn very sharp if provoked. She is also quite the jealous type in some occasions, and can show a vengeful side if insulted or badly offended.

One of her main passions revolves around music! She's a skilled violist, and a big fan of baroque and classical music - this is the main link that let her meet Ludwig, at some point.

Oh, and... some voices claim that Estrela may hide a secret identity...?

That's some basic info I will expand in the future in a proper HC post!

I will now proceed to expand it with some fun facts about Estrela's origins as an OC!

Origins: Estrela is actually a very old OC of mine. I think I created her "beta" version when I was a little kid. I never posted her online but I still have some old drawings of her somewhere at home - not going to show them since they were, hu, the opposite of good-looking x3

I literally created her in the first place just because I needed, at the time, an excuse for Ludwig to have a random girlfriend and a daughter later in life. Her original name was Stella. She was a sort of Royal Koopa/Tarrasquin but shorter, without spikes on her shell and without horns (maybe I thought of it as a softer subspecies of Royal Koopas? I really can't remember rn).

Let's say that A LOT of things changed from more than a decade ago!

The only details that I kept are basically her hair and eyes colors and her name's meaning - "Estrela" comes from the Spanish word "estrella", that still means "star". I now see her having a star-shaped birthmark on the back of her shell - something I want to show you if I'll do a reference sheet for my OCs and HC versions of the characters x3

Still talking about names: Estrela's sisters, or half-sisters to be accurate, share a similar style for their names: the older one is named Dorada, while the middle one is named Celestiel (I can't wait to show them to you, as soon as I'll be able to draw decently again on PC). Their mother, that all the three share, was the one naming them.

Intro abt her relationship with Ludwig: In my original version, I think they were just childhood friends that ended up in love when teen/young adults if I remember correctly, but it was a bit plain and too straightforward for my current tastes.

Nowdays, instead, (the new) Estrela met Ludwig thanks for a shared passion: music, specifically playing in an orchestra! In fact, she was able to enter the young Tarrasquin's personal orchestra as a violist at some point, after she could not join any of the Mushroom Kingdom's orchestras due them being already full. Here she met the director himself, he noticed her skill and... what happened next it's a long and complex story, I'll maybe tell you one day ;3

[st4rshipr4nger]

OML A TUA SHIFTER??? TELL ME EVERYTHING ABT YOUR DR RN 👹 (if thats ok w u 🥰)

EEEEEE HIIIIII YES YES YES I MOST DEFINITELY WILL

okay so im the handlers daughter (she adopts me she is NOT my birth mother) and then she adopts lila but were the same age so anyway she like raises us and stuff cause shes mother and so she trains us and shit like she does in the show with lila and also me and lila kind of have the same powers ish because okay idk if youre familiar with xmen but i like have rogues powers so like power absorption and taking peoples energy and stuff so like if i touch someone skin to skin ill take their powers if they have any and their energy and i kind of get their memories too, and so she makes me wear these gloves because one time i accidentally touched her when i was a baby and took some of her energy and she almost passed out or something, anyways being the handlers daughter obviously comes with trauma so when im like ten im like mom i dont like this i dont wanna do this anymore and shes like well thats too damn bad and i tell lila im running away but we make a plan to like meet up in the future so i run and shit one night and i find the umbrella academy a few days after and Pogo answers the door and i tell him about my powers because ive seen the hargreeves on television and on billboards and im like can i just like stay here for a little while and hes like yes ofcourse but i need to talk to sir reginald and hes like wow youre weird and then i kind of become like his labrat because he wants to see exactly how my powers work but hes also like youre fucking dangerous, so he gets this serum that makes my powers go away for a limited amount of time and i have to get injected with it every morning but i meet the hargreeves and we all get along pretty quickly and they like accept me into the family and oh my god GRACE :(((( i love her so much me and ben obviously have like a LITTLE thing but none of us is gonna admit it until like later but yeah reg doesnt trust me going on missions at first but he lets me go on one which kind of ends bad so he doesnt let me go on anymore and i have to stay on the sidelines with viktor ALSO me klaus ben diego and vik are super close i get closer with everyone else too but like specifically them so like yeah!! me and ben kiss literally like three days before he yk and then i want to kms !!! but its fine he watches me as a ghost for the next 18 years!!!! but yeah its obviously hard for all of us to take and stuff

ANYWAYS!!!

so when were all older we obviously go our seperate ways but i kind of stay in touch with diego klaus and viktor (allison never answers her damn phone and luthers on the moon) i read viktors book and i thought it was fine like i dont have an issue with it he was speaking facts that nobody else in the house wanted to admit and we were pretty much treated the same also after bens death i kind of like started doing drugs with klaus again because the serums were also just drugs like be fucking fr anyways klaus also never tells me that ben is looking over us and he feels bad about it but like klaus and i are really similar [in my dr everyones like oh hes just klaus but in another body] so im not like yk i cant like stay mad but trust in my dr i will be sorry buddy anyways i still talk to diego cause me and him are also bestfriends and i try to send messages up to the moon sometimes to luther cause he and diego were literally like i actually felt like family around them theyre like my brothers but obviously wtv

thats like kind of a backstory thing i left some things out but i love oversharing about some of the things in my drs its fun

let me know if you wanna hear more cause like eeeeeeeee

also im scripting that like i dont know klaus has ben on his shoulder and that stuff cause i like to make myself suffer a little bit

[dantedeservedbetter]

I don’t think anyone understands just how much I want origin stories of everyone else in Mystreet like they all have really interesting backgrounds that are just tossed to the side of the main plot points (lol abt to be a really long threat again sorry)

Aaron- Didn’t actually get character lore OR a personality until S3 but like I want MORE because tbh I feel like his parents gave him a lot more trauma than what’s shown in the series, and even the stuff IN the actual seasons (the emotional neglect, his military schooling, the tense relationship w/Melissa etc;) are fixed and shoved off like no he might ACTUALLY need therapy bruh PLEASE

Katelyn- I think she was (?) in therapy in the beginning for her anger issues and the loss of her mother but like it was kind of forgotten about tbh. I think she needs more positive moments in the series honestly bc in the later seasons we’re shown she’s partially abusive towards Travis the first time they went out, and ends up being written off as prejudice towards werewolves bc of past experiences??? Naw the Katelyn I know would never do that. AND HER DREAMS OF WORKING IN THEATRE TOO HELLO??? Also, her mom quite literally used her in the Forever Potion experiments as a child?? I feel like that’s important to her character too :/

The Ro’meave Brothers- I don’t actually know where to start tbh because I feel like ALL THREE of them could use some kind of character depth aside from Dumb Blonde, Emo One, and the Forgotten One. Especially Vylad, probably having to witness this entire Lycan situation grow from an outsiders perspective with no contact from his family in forever. It’s shown that Zane is immensely interested in the family business too like hello??? Garroth himself is kind of just written off as a comedic effect most of the time, but he quite literally has no other goals (possibly because he KNOWS he’s going to inherit the business one day whether he cares to or not).

Laurance- He’s not really a character anymore, but from what we’ve actually SEEN in Mystreet he had enough development to become something outside of a potential love interest for Aphmau. He has a fondness for cooking and was seen to be EXCEPTIONAL at it, and I think he still carried an interest in baseball (or idk it was SOME sport asdfghjk the point is he was good). And he was also shown to still help out his family here and there (babysitting Caleb, his baby brother, in numerous episodes). Idk, I feel like there were so many pieces of Laurance that could’ve been explored and touched upon and we hardly got anything. Also… Garrance. Quite literally hate to be that person but it was literally the biggest piece of queerbaiting I’ve ever seen fr I wish it was explored as much as Aarmau was :( (willing to bet the popularity had something to do with what I call the ‘Heartstopper’ treatment but that’s just me tho)

Nana (KC)- The most under appreciated character in-universe I actually had to go and make a separate post about this LOLOL expect it in like five minutes from now bc I just save everything in my drafts.

Travis- Lol no surprise here but him too dude honestly I have no idea where to start with him atm, his entire family’s lore needs a full in depth analysis on themselves because Aphmau’s series just BARELY touches the surface of Travis’s character

Dante/Gene- Honestly BOTH of them were done so dirty I find it funny how no one ever talks abt it because they’re so beautiful to me. Gene already had his redemption arc so I can kind of see why they just tossed him aside but Dante literally had nothing tbh. He had a messy relationship with KC in PDH and then made that same mistake in LLP. Okay, cool, give us more of that. Let him learn from his mistakes and be self aware now. Or better yet let him grow without tossing love interests into the formula in order for it to happen!! Seems like his family life is pretty good though, worst thing abt him was the peanut allergy.

Lucinda- Queen actually has very little to no background that actually centers around her. We know she had a really bad relationship with Ivan but like I’m pretty sure that’s it.

[videostak]

rly strange weird thing happened last night that kinda has me in a idk just CYCLICAL feeling cause some1 who ghosted me like 4 years ago (i knew them from high school and they ghosted me like a year or so after it ended) and last night they texted me acting like nothing happened and just started up a conversation. well they said sorry but u kno just on the side like as if it hadnt been like 4 years.. this was like at 11 at night too so i dont kno i entertained the idea of conversation thinking she'd like kinda go more into why she hasnt contacted me these past 4 years. she's not one of the people i was particularly closee close to or even connected particularly well so it didnt even hurt me too bad when she ghosted me so like i dont even or cant even summon up the energy to like call her out on it cause i dont feel too strong abt it but it is v strange and .... weird. actually got a text in like idk 2020 or 2021 from a random number presumed someone i removed from my contacts apologizing for being m i a saying theyd make it up to me but when i asked who it was and that i mustve removed them from my contacts they didnt respond lol. i wonder if that was her. but also there were like 2 other people it also couldve been i wished i remembereed exactly what the text said cause if that previous text said m i a it couldve been the same person cause she also said m i a in reference to it . anyways i talked for a bit about how things were n stuuff but feel very dirty abt it . just letting someone treat me like shit and walk all over me again with no regards to my feelings like its been a long time since ive even talked to someone i kno irl so it feels so cyclical again and also my fault the way i act like completeley ok w/ ppl just treating me however and picking things back up whenever they want to. and also like idk the nerve of ghosting someone for 4 years and not even saying who u are when u do text them back like assuming theyd still have u in their contacts lol.. tho idk she did say that it wasnt just me and that she hadnt messaged any1 for like the past few years idk its v strange to not give any further explanation when it was getting later at night i texted that i was gonna go to sleep n stuff and she didnt respond and she hasnt texted today yet but its still p early i kinda hope she doesnt like idk we literally dont even have a single thing in common and i def feel like we have less in common now than back then. i also like idk dont rly kno what to do. im hoping she doesnt message again but i guess if she continues to ill be like umm hey lol. idk its so easy for ppl to walk all over me and make me do whatever like idk i think i really am easily manipulated as dumb as it sounds. like i v rarely object to being made to do things but theres no reason for me to even attempt to rekindle a friendship andthe fact that she message presumably intending to do so has to mean she like mustve gotten into a argument or smthn w/ her friends or smthn or that theres something idk. just made me feel so dirty and gross last night texting pretending

[jackienautism]

fave moments from the beta pt 2

all clips uploaded by digital preservation on youtube

reasoning as to why i included clips under cut:

23: i like how adamant sam is about them not going... bc she's right 😭 going back out is just. dumb. i get its a horror game and shit and stuff has to happen bc plot conflict blah blah but it always bugged me how mike is like "ok everyone stay here! its safe here!" [immediately leaves] GOD. it doesn't even matter here anyway since they still end up leaving anyway but i liked seeing her act a bit more adamant abt how dumb and unsafe it was leaving the room

plus i rly like how sam's the one to say the until dawn line... ANS AND LOOOOOVE love how em tries her best to reassure sam and stuff... and how sam directly tells em to be careful.... MMMM EATING IT UP!!!!! it's def sort of similar to em telling sam to make it back safe in the main game. im just desperate for sam / emily interactions if you couldn't tell. i love them. AND THE WAY SAM WALKS CLOSER TO EM AND THE WAY SHE SAYS THE LINE . TUUYUYMM YUUMYMY

24: OOOUUUUUGHH THIS SCENE.... i just.. the way ashley waits until after they leave to speak up abt it (so theres no confrontation)... the faith sam has in emily all of a sudden... ash having this negative perception of emily... despite literal seconds later admitting that she's afraid for her (and mike's) safety.... sam pretty much being on em's side the whole conversation despite also having her doubts abt them leaving too.... ITS SOO GOOD. my thoughts are all jumbled rn but just know i like this clip a lot. rly shows sam's development in relation to emily and it shows a bit of insight into ashley's character as well. like YES she has this warped negative opinion of emily, but she's still afraid for her going back out there. i do think the main game portrayed (albeit. was a bit over the top w/ it) ash's anxiety better but you see a glimpse into that part of her mind in this scene and i love that

25: i could absolutely be misremembering (since it's bneen a while since i played this scene) but i LOOOVE how they included "jess" straight up calling out ashley's name to lure her in THAT much more. because they know how to hunt their prey right? and so they mustve known that ashley is the "weakest" out of the 3 and therefore would be more likely to succumb. yeah its a bit dumb hwo no one else was able to hear it and that they sort of just /let/ her go but 🤷 i rly like this "revamped" version of this scene. plus, i didnt include it in the vid, but the buildup to finally opening the trap door is sooo good

26: i like how sam is jsut ":) hey guys" also i think i like this version a bit better? in terms of like. EVERYONE meeting up again in the mines, instead of sam using her rock climbing skills just to separate from the group again. yeah its a bit more unrealistic that they jsut so happened to stumble upon each other but 🤷🤷 and that sam and emily basically split off again anyway a few moments later but🤷🤷🤷

27: love how sam forced emily to take control of the buckets even though it was literally her idea to move them. girlboss

28: more silly emily lines and interactions between her and sam... beloveds

29: LOVE HER LITTLE "hah" AT THE END OF SAYING THAT

30: we already know my opinion on this scene. i eat it up every time i see it

31: yeah. "empty"

32: i like how the beta shows this more caring side of emily... plus these interactions between em and josh were something i never knew i needed. i LOVE how em is the one to remind sam that he's hurt and whatnot

33: i dont know how they knew but i LOVE how in the beta they were able to find out thatit was hannah based on ? her jewelry i believe? it was somethign like that. instead of sam and mike reading her diary and piecing shit together yk. i just think finding out /that/ way makes it more. i dont know. sad. and also kind of concerned hwo theyre not talking abt josh's death assuming they saw him w/ hannah? but who knows maybe they didn't. also love how em is constantly asking what couldve happen to [them] and what happened to [them]. i just like that parallel between jess' death and finding out its hannah

34: more of emily's stupid lines fdklgldfjng

35: self explanatory dfgjkdfg also love how she just falls during the last few seconds of the clip

36: just wanted to ibnclude sam w/ the flamethrower bc i think it's cool<3

//

overall, i think the beta had a TOOOON of potential. there are some scenes im glad they included / revamped, but there are other times where im a bit disappointed over the direction they decided to take it. it would've been kind of cool if it had more of a like. puzzle-y type aspect to the gameplay? but im not entirely sad they took it out. i think that esp worked well w/ the "josh" saw trap and stuff. how you had to complete these riddles and stuff to "save" his life? it gave a more genuine comparison to saw and stuff. and how even if you completed everything it actually meant nothing? i feel it gives that scene a more tragic undertone if that makes sense. while the choosing between ash or josh is sooo good and interesting, i liked the beta's version of the trap as well

[eliasdrid]

Three thoughts: since everyone and their mother calls build the best rider and I had a relatively mid experience with it and I see you had an awful experience with it…

number three but I put it first bc it’s the most important: why didn’t you like it? Sorry if you’ve made posts abt that—

number one, what do you consider the best rider show?

number two, have you seen kamen rider geats?

3 - Oh that wretched show (Kamen Rider Build)........................ I'll leave my full answer for last so I can just do a "read more" and spare people of spoilers for the show. The TL;DR is that I have a love/hate relationship with it, it starts really well but then it uh, it's like the show just forgets itself? does that make sense? I don't know, it disappointed me... My message to the world is: if you want to watch it (in my opinion) up to episode 33 it's pretty good, it gets worse later.

[note: edited this to be less harsh bc I liked a lot of the show in the end despite my issues with some choices and some people might think I didn't like anything at all]

1 - This kinda spoils the options for the poll a little but whatever. I got into toku this year with sentai so I've only watched Shin Kamen Rider (the 2023 movie) and then Kamen Rider Den-O (2007), Kamen Rider W (2009) and Kamen Rider Build (2017).

I don't think any of the shows are perfect but I think the most satisfying experience overall from start to finish was Den-O because it's a bit silly but consistent with it? So it's pretty enjoyable.

2 - Funny story... I started Geats but I couldn't click with it. I do think a lot of the suit designs are SUPER pretty though. Kamen Rider Geats, Cross Geats and Na-Go are my faves for sure (from the images and material I've seen).

3 - OK So let's do this. I have actually not done a list of all my issues with this show here in my blog but I have complained a lil to people I know and who have watched it (and shared my opinions). This is my personal opinion and I want to preface this by saying I'm a sci-fi nerd and I might have set the bar too high because it looked really promising to me.

SPOILERS FOR BASICALLY EVERYTHING IN THE SHOW

I'll get to issues related to characters first, I think that's easier:

Vernage could have been really interesting but she is equally under and overutilized when convenient to the point she's always doing everything with her last breath (until she does actually die... ) and shows up so sporadically you almost forgot she was still alive when she shows up again. It's wild because when she's introduced you're like? Oh? Will she give us lore and then die? Perhaps a clue to a secret weapon? Some secret power up? no!

Misora is never developed to her full potential despite going through a lot of stuff during the entire show. She could have had a more active relationship with Vernage and tap into some martian knowledge or be able to channel Vernage's power willingly but :/ Her dad literally ends in a coma and she is like... mostly unaffected? Doesn't talk about him? Idk, I'm not saying she should henshin because that's unrealistic with this show but she could have worked with Vernage to take revenge on Evolt for that (via helping the team). I WILL say, she does have her sad moments and her actress does a really good job, it broke my heart when she had her final conversation with Evolt!Soichi. But off that? She's an internet idol ^w^ and the glue that has to hold the team together even though she's like LITERALLY 18-19 and everyone else in their mid 20s and up???

Insanely enough Sawa's friend to spy to friend to spy to friend thing is decently executed so I can't complain much here.

Y'know what I can complain about though? Kazumi! Kazumi is such a character that I wanted to root for because he is so much about community once you get to know him and he has this good caring leadership vibe to him. This guy commits and this guy finds middle points and he can't forgive Gentoku but he asks anyway that he joins them and he even encourages him later to try and follow his father's footsteps. HOWEVER. HE IS A FUCKING CREEP OVER AN IDOL AND THAT UNFORTUNATELY IS MISORA. Bro is 29 years old demanding respect from Banjo and fangirling over a girl that is like... a real human being... who he actually gets to know. I thought their relationship would be... realizing she's a Real Human Being With Thoughts And Feelings but he never stops being a weirdo and it was uncomfortable... ☠

Isurugi Soichi... (not Evolt) underutilized as hell... we get this reveal that he can talk to Evolt near 33 and I thought "OH! Maybe he can influence him? Maybe this is what has been stopping Evolt from wrecking absolute havoc?" but as you might know/guess, this was not the case. There was a LOT of potential for a parallel with Him being posessed by Evolt and Misora being possessed by Vernage and Misora coming to terms with the fact that her dad got the worst alien buddy out of the situation but... they don't do this.

Evolt (Evolt)... my major problem with him is that the show literally tries to sell this "monster that didn't have feelings before" story on the last arc and it just... doesn't work? Because yeah, he's an asshole but like he clearly gets frustrated and excited and he clearly had a lot of feelings driving him around otherwise he'd not have gotten attached to the same human body for 10 YEARS and only hopped out of it when his "vessel" was complete.

Banjo, I got here finally, I deserve a medal. Not my kind of character but overall he's fine? The whole alien thing is done in the most boring way possible imo, idk how they did that but hey! The show is in such a hurry to go through as many small plots as possible near the end that it went super fast?

Sento! I can't talk about one and not the other! Overall Sento is a well done amnesiac protagonist until they make him go back to his old self to undo character development near the end for what feels like ages (I think it was just two episodes though?) and then he remembers and io and behold! he's Sento again but can remember some things from before. I have no words, it felt like he was going to stay like that for a second and all his character development would be undone. I think he could have remembered without having to go through that, I think he could have had conversations with himself without them just making him forget his friends so Katsuragi could have ONE chat with Gentoku. I think he was prone enough to monologue that he could have started remembering after Evolt by just. Literally talking to himself and finding his old self within him... like we could have had the same thing without the weird moment. I also think the whole arc with his dad suddenly coming back was poorly written... because? Suddenly he's not THE Genius and also Build wasn't "originally" meant for him even though it's hinted MANY times that it was Katsuragi who developed the Kamen Rider System entirely/mostly on his own. I think I could be ages here so I'm gonna move on by saying: it was bad.

Gentoku... my meow meow... I'm biased, overall I liked his character development and the Rogue drama was interesting? (it has a couple problems and more torture/blood than necessary maybe tho). His whole deal felt more straightforward than the rest and before he becomes a bit of a "joke" (with the identity fashion crisis and then the awkward moments) he has some really good moments of redemption. I really liked his speech in 39 when he feels bad about fucking up with Utsumi and is too injured to fight. ("Im not writing at 2 am edit": He has good character moments after 39 too! I understand they needed to kill the tension a little by making some fun of him and I liked some of it; the nepotism bit was really good! and his sacrifice was meaningful)

Honorable Utsumi mention because: what do you mean he was a cyborg??? That was so out of the blue and meant absolutely nothing because it's not... anything. For a show that did decent hints about things Utsumi suddenly being a cyborg because "haha his nickname was cyborg" and they maybe did one joke on an episode intro... it's really lame. Off this (which I needed out of my chest) he has a lot of missed potential and could (and should) have replaced Sento's dad as Evolt's "main" scientist because uhh he literally did the Sclash Driver and was very talented? Did the writer just... forget that? I guess so! It'd have been more interesting for sure if he had been working all along against Evolt fearing he'd betray Nanba but no.

I'm gonna go over plot things as quick as possible because I got too wordy with the character stuff:

The Pandora Box. I get it, it's a very convenient excuse but for a thing that Evolt seems to have created himself... they sure throw a last minute "but he doesn't know about this secret panel" I think... I think Evolt knows his funny little box for destroying planets and consuming their energy better than anyone on Earth...

The Sky Wall and the Pandora Tower. It'd have been SO much fun if, as I had hoped, the Pandora Tower was a massive labyrinth they had to figure out to get to the top and stop Evolt or some sort of ritual over a period of time...

The Show is called Kamen Rider Build! They do not build shit during the final episodes. I guess the Grease power up but he dies as soon as he uses it so that doesn't count. They literally got most of everything "solved" around the time Katsuragi made the Genius bottle so! They decide to reuse the Hazard Trigger to do something that is never hinted at (or makes sense if you ask me)... they don't even modify it 😭😭😭😭 They could have done something like before the proxy battle when Sawa and Sento do the modifications for Tank/Tank and Rabbit/Rabbit and have the team help Sento assemble a new device before fighting Evolt but no...

"Let's make a new world instead of properly defeating the bad guy" coward move! It also conveniently erases everyone's character development even if Sento and Banjo are "the same" in the new world it's just, a weird choice (I've been told they get their memories back in the specials or something but still ????)

Evolt destroying the world at random suddenly for his own amusement was really just an excuse to do the New World thing sellable and was really weird specially after the Be The One Movie in which he CLEARLY doesn't want Earth destroyed. He Loved Earth. He spent 10 slutty slutty years posing as a DILF and 3+ of them causing problems on purpose. BE REAL.

Also having Gentoku and Kazumi die was another way to make the "new world" thing more easy to digest because "see :( our friends died we need to bring them back :(" (idk man they were pretty decent at fighting, they could have not died!)

FINALLY. On the New World thing: A Post War scenario with the Kamen Riders helping rebuild the country and Kazumi and Gentoku in leadership positions, Misora reconnecting with her Dad and Sento trying to figure out how to use the bottles for good and more practical uses than fighting would have been much better...

anyway this got super long, I'm so sorry. Thank you for coming to my KRB talk. Kudos to you if you made it to the end, I probably have even more thoughts on this but we'd both be here forever. I'm locking this because people are weird about shows sometimes and I have seen people insist that Build is Really Really good when it's like. mid at best if you have to judge it from start to end.

additionally: I refuse to watch the specials <3 the movie (Be the One) was fine though, tbh it felt more on sync with the show than the finale. Even if they introduce the Blood Tribe guys only to kill them off. The Buid/Cross Z fusion bit was fun too!

[waywardsalt]

Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?

Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff

mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all

linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e

there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...

he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?

i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs

i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph

relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about

like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand

tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene

i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something

[chronologer]

🤥🌈🔥❤️📏👻for the oc ask game! Any oc, I’d love to hear about them!

hehehehe >:3 it’s oc posting time!!! i have many more ocs now and i am v happy to talk abt them, so ty for the opportunity!! i’ve been swamped with stuff so sorry this took like….. over two months haha! <3333

so first a little rundown of four of my new ocs!!!!!!

first i’ve got reynie!! (he/him)

reynie got reincarnated into a book he had read when he was younger but also not really???

the book that he thinks he got reincarnated in was a story about these two siblings discovering this hidden magical world after staying with their distant relatives over the summer

and he got reincarnated as their older brother but again. not really. i’ll get into it later.

but for now he’s desperate not to ruin things bc of his presence

i’ve been on a bit of an isekai/reincarnation kick lately so this is largely inspired by those concepts haha

then there’s the boy (he/him, but eventually she/her(?) <— i decided to trans her gender like… ten minutes ago so my thoughts abt this r kinda incoherent rn,,, but she finds out she’s a she/her over the course of the story, but i’ll use he/him to refer to her sometimes to indicate that those moments are specifically before her big gender realization)

she’s a sad, depressed, overworked high school student who is so lonely she unintentionally ends up creating a ghost/god/cryptid/monster/???????

then the monster is. v angry abt being created then abandoned. so she gets terrorized by them.

she doesn’t have a name bc i honestly just couldn’t think of one haha. calling her ‘the boy’ for now bc it’s what she thinks she is,, but her lack of a name parallels the monster’s lack of a name too so it all works out in the end 👍

and the monster (she/her at first but then eventually they/them <— they were created to essentially be a mirror of the boy’s innermost desires n stuff, so she’s a she/her at first, but then they like…. slowly branch out from that and become their own person and get their own pronouns (?) or smth?? idk.)

they’re the monster that the boy accidentally created. and even though the boy didn’t realize she created the monster, the monster is still angry so they’ve hatched this whole plot to torment her

and plot twist!! they gets attached and the two become weirdly codependent n overall just have. kind of a weird thing going on.

is it platonic? is it romantic? is it familial? idk but it’s definitely kinda fucked up!!

and finally there’s labyrinth (no pronouns??? idk……. they/them for now)

they’re also from a world where there is secretly supernatural shenanigans, but labyrinth has magic powers so they get recruited to go to this boarding school in like… massachusetts or smth, but they couldn’t care less.

as in it literally could not care less. it is physically impossible for them to care about anything bc they are like. two steps away from being fully catatonic at all times. and is also almost completely incapable of forming new memories

yeah they’re like totally dissociating at all times.

(it’s bc they have so much grief over the past that they cannot let go of it and cannot participate in the present)

but they gets better with the help of their very good roomie daniel. yeah 👍

also doesn’t have a name. also bc i didn’t wanna think of one. but smth smth it emphasizes their disconnect to the world and their life, blah blah blah plays into the themes n narratives smth along those lines.

tbh im not supppperrr happy w how i’ve characterized labyrinth??? so i might end up changing everything abt their personality. idk.

so now…. onto the ask game!

reynie is pretty decent at lying, largely out of necessity. he’s trying to hide his knowledge of the plot as much as possible, so once he figures out he’s in a book he starts lying as much as possible so people don’t find out that he knows the future. and he gets away w it, not bc he’s like… a master of lying, but moreso bc his family has no reason to think that he’s lying so they don’t suspect him of anything.

the boy is,,,… okay at lying... she’s good at the things that matter to her, but she’s bad at lying to anyone who knows her well enough, or when taking to certain topics. but also she lies all the time sooo idk.

the monster is the Liar™. biggest liar in the world and also the greatest. if there was a lying contest, they would win it. they are the most gaslighting lying faker of all time. but also tbh it’s lowkey kinda omnipotent and sometimes changes reality so the lie is no longer a lie??? still loves lying tho, especially to the boy to like. psychologically torture her.

labyrinth doesn’t lie. like. at all. tbh they really don’t understand the concept of lying. well, they do, but they don’t really see the need for it?? idk how to explain it. ig they’re not really present enough to lie. sure, that makes sense if you squint really hard. 👍

tbh it depends on what time they are in each of the stories and all bc they r all very different at the end of each of their stories than at the beginning.

for reynie…. hmmm….. he’d probably tell his younger self to not ignore the crippling migraines that he gets and also pay wayyyyy more attention to his dreams. like… get a dream journal or smth. (it’s bc he can see the future in them) also he’d definitely just tell his younger self a complete list of everything that goes wrong and how to fix it

(although this would inevitably end up making other things go wrong and probably worse but reynie would be too obsessed with fixing things to realize this fact)

the boy would probably tell her younger self to not apply to the fancy boarding school bc it’ll murder his health. or maybe she would tell him to apply bc it led to the monster being created??? tbh i think she regrets every decision she made that led her to the monster but after all’s said and done she wouldn’t change any of it. She’d probably tell her younger self that it’ll all work out in the end.

wait actually nvm all that she’d tell him what snacks to buy at the grocery store for the best price-to-flavor ratio. yeah. 👍

the monster would… uhhhh… kinda be the same ig???? idk they might try to speed the whole love-hate-overall-just-weird thing they have with the boy along by telling their younger self that the boy’s actually lowkey kinda funkalicious. groovy mcgroovical. coolio. and that they should maybe not psychologically torture her and pretend to be a ghost n all. or not. they’re whimsical like that.

labyrinth would only give their younger self advice after they start actually moving on from the past and become more present, but it wouldn’t really do anything bc younger labyrinth would not hear any of the advice at all. so it really doesn’t matter what the advice is bc both labyrinths know it wouldn’t change anything. i think they’d just hang out together and braid their past self’s hair :]

hahahhahahhahahahhahhah self destructive tendencies…… hahah hahaaha where do i begin….

reynie….. martyr complex + imposter syndrome + hates being vulnerable so will never reveal anything to anyone ever + huge perfectionist riddled by anxiety so he’s terrified of changing the plot (and doesn’t realize that his very existence has changed things) + has no regard for his own health and safety. overall just really self destructive, especially later on when he realizes that he no longer knows the plot of the story bc he’s inadvertently changed too much, making him,,,, kinda unhinged????

the boy’s mentally ill af!!!! she has crippling anxiety abt everything, which that and combined with her fear of being vulnerable causes her to be very lonely and have no support system to help. she will not reach out for help even if she needs it, which is lowkey the root of all her problems, especially the monster, since they were literally created bc the boy wanted a friend/support system so bad she ended up accidentally making one. also,,, super duper closeted and repressed.

the monster is just kinda of a huge asshole tbh which gets in the way of them forming any genuine human connections. they also hold grudges for ages and ages even when said grudges are completely unjustified, so they get so focused on revenge that it’s difficult for them to grow past it. plus they’ve got a god complex but they kinda are one??? so it’s maybe a bit justified.

labyrinth is literally so overwhelmed by their own grief over the past that they are physically unable to interact with the present most of the time. they can’t even remember their dad’s name most of the time bc they cannot process the present and their current life. they’ve got a lot of trauma and unresolved issues but they’re subconsciously repressing it and refusing to move forward which…. really screws them up…..

had to search up what all the love languages were bc i forgor lol

i’m not super sure abt any these?????? so they’re all liable to change at any given moment lol

reynie likes to do acts of service/give affirmations, and he likes to receive quality time (not that he’ll ever ask for it…)

the boy likes both giving and receiving physical touch and quality time

the monster likes giving gifts and quality time, and is above having human desires like a preferred love language to receive (it’s quality time and words of affirmation.)

uhhhh it’s kinda hard to know labyrinth’s love language??? i think they like giving gifts, and receiving… quality time??? i don’t think they care abt receiving tbh….

reynie’s pretty educated. in his past life he went to college, and in his current life he’s a high school student again, although he’s mainly just cruisin’. he was pursuing more advanced education outside of school, reteaching himself what he learned in college through self-study, but then he found out abt how he got reincarnated into a book and the existence of the supernatural, which caused most of those plans to be put on hold.

the boy goes to some fancy schmancy boarding school for smarty farty kids, although she’s not doing great there, although that’s more of an executive disfunction/the school’s way of teaching isn’t the way that works for the boy/unrealized neurodivergence/etc. type of thing. but she’s still getting a funky education.

the monster’s is super educated but that’s cause they’re omnipotent and omnipresent, so they literally do know everything (at least most of the time [when they feel like it]). they also go to the same school of the boy, but it’s not to be educated, it’s to screw with her.

labyrinth is…. okay???? they do well on tests n all that bc of,,,,, reasons??? but they actually know anything. they’re currently going to the magic boarding school in massachusetts or whatever.

ok so tbh…. they all live in worlds were ghosts are real (or could be real in the case of the boy and the monster) so tldr; yes.

reynie, once he learns abt the supernatural, absolutely believes in ghosts, although that’s largely bc he knows for sure that they exist cause they were in the book. i’m actually planning on having him become a ghost hunter later on, bc he’s going to go on a road trip to do supernatural stuff for plot reasons, and he’ll do ghost hunting stuff for cash (this entire part of his storyline was created when i finally got phasmaphobia a while back haha)

the boy and the monster,,,, uh technically the monster is a ghost??? kind of…. it’s like if god were a ghost but also a building and the boy’s future n past self,,,… it’s complicated. but the monster also gaslights the boy into thinking that they’re the ghost of some dead student from the 60s. the boy definitely believes in ghosts tho, while the monster doesn’t, or at the very least they know that ghosts aren’t naturallly occurring in the world.

labyrinth believes in ghosts, but only bc they were taught abt them in their magic massachusetts school. that’s abt it. they were told ghosts were real, n just kinda went along w it.

thanks for reading and thanks for the ask!!!! i’ll probably end up making some more posts that explain these ocs more, and introduce some of my other ones sometime soon!!!!!!! hopefully…… i also want to draw my ocs soon too but my brain just won’t let me :( sigh….

[troglobite]

ljalkdjf

"i figured you were mad at me abt the covid thing and didn't want to talk to me."

no, i was just leaving you alone bc i figured you wouldn't want to waste time talking to me abt what was going on.

"no"

meanwhile later

"of COURSE i don't want to talk abt this! and i was BUSY and COMPLETELY overwhelmed there!"

--

you can just stop spending any money on me

"who said anything abt money?"

meanwhile later

"actually you CAN help me, pay for grama's bills"

[she has already kept $700 that i earned and never got to have in my bank account for even a second]

[i transfer several hundred more, tell her this, and she still hasn't acknowledged it]

--

it explicitly used to be that you looked fwd to coming home and spending time w me, or you at least missed me.

"don't take it personally i don't look forward to anything anymore at all. i don't look forward to spending time with anyone."

meanwhile earlier

"i didn't get to see ANY of my friends that live in the area!"

and

"i had already talked to [friend], [other friend], [other friend], so there was no one left to talk to." [has not listed me as an option] "so i ended up calling [friend/coworker] and we talked for 5 hours."

also in previous iterations it really used to be

[tries to call or have a full conversation almost every day]

[during every conversation] "i miss you. i wish i could be home."

---

i'm sorry. i just want to help but all i do is make everything worse. i'm just a burden, and i'm sorry.

"[sighs angrily] you're not a burden."

meanwhile

"i'm just trying to make everyone happy. idgaf abt the holidays, and i don't look fwd to spending time w you or anyone. it doesn't matter, i don't care abt any of it."

so i'm just another list on your giant weight of obligations

"don't take it personally"

--

i don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to. [talking online eventually feels like talking w AI, and i start to lose my mind] my irl friends keep bailing on me. i've literally been completely isolated for about a month now.

"sorry."

meanwhile

"[lists abt 10 friends she has that she made time to talk to over the last few weeks, but not me] and i didn't even get to see any of the TONS of friends i have in the city bc i was so busy! and i can't leave this kid alone/without me [this kid is being fostered by my brother and his fiancee]"

--

ETA: i guess she's mad at me abt the money thing. she's sent me 2 emails now.

one to say the covid test was negative, that contained barely 5 words

and one with no words, asking me to send what meals i want from meal delivery service.

just won't choose anything. waste of money on me, as established.

i wish there was anything i could do that wouldn't make her angry at me but idk what it is.

i guess if i could stop being mentally ill and disabled and move out, that would probably make her happy and not angry. but i'm a pathetic piece of shit and that's not possible. dying would just be another mess she'd have to worry abt. so legitimately idk what my options are. i've tried being a better person and going to therapy and working on communication. it just seems to make her angry. not even in any meaningful way, she just doesn't care abt me or think i'm worth the time or words. i've tried to get better at things but she doesn't want to let me on some stuff that i can do, but expects me to do everything on stuff that i can't. all i do is disappoint her. i just make everything worse. and she never refutes that. it's just true.

she can't even muster "i don't hate or resent you." or "it's not your fault or responsibility."

bc she does and it is.

no matter what i do to try and be better i just always fuck it up somehow. i'm sorry.

can't even give her money correctly. i guess my email sounded like guilt tripping or anger or something. didn't mean it to, and it's not/wasn't. but doesn't matter. she'll assume how i feel instead of asking and then hate me for it bc i'm bad at explaining how i feel. and she hates hearing me try to explain it. just another waste of time. another burden or obligation.

i have to call allergist's office today. i'm sure she has the phone. i don't wanna bother her.

[bright-and-burning]

I hope I'm not overstepping - ignore me if so - but based on your post, those people sound like some shitty friends??

it’s a teeny bit complicated. basically yes but they’re not intentionally doing so? i think they’re just used to me molding my life around them without question. it’s very hard to explain w/o fully recounting college and explaining the dynamics of me w/in our team lol but i’ll try

the 21st birthday thing was Bad. it was REALLY bad. one of my friends apologized for that one like a month later even tho it wasn’t really her fault (and the cake she got me was the best part of my birthday) so that was nice of her. half of it is on me bc im really bad at asking for stuff for myself (especially w birthdays and whatnot bc i have not had a good birthday since i was 11 and so i get weird and tetchy abt my birthday) and i have a tendency to just wait for people to like. realize what i want. and then get upset when they don’t. and im trying to be better abt that but also there’s this weird inherent guilt for me in trying to ask for what i want bc ive been talked over a Lot in this group. and outside of the birthday stuff also they’re definitely not my favorite people anymore cuz they all live in the suburbs and have cars but refuse to like. remotely accommodate the fact that i don’t have a car lol. they don’t come into the city and i can’t reasonably make it into the suburbs (if it takes me 2.5hrs to get to your apartment i’m just. not going unless it’s your birthday.) so it’s tough. i still invite them to the stuff i do but. shrug.

but also half of the 21st birthday stuff is on them bc . well what happened was instead of going out for my birthday like for some reason that wasn’t even on the table?? it was just assumed we wouldn’t go out even tho Everyone Else’s 21sts were spent in bars?? we watched a movie. but nobody could decide on a movie so i suggested ferris bueller’s day off bc like big crowd pleaser and also literally my birthday only two guys were like ugh no. so instead somehow we ended up watching this horrific 80s movie that was just. an hour and a half straight of rape jokes. which for anyone is ugly and not fun but for me was like my personal hell. so i pretended i had laundry and snuck out the side door to cry in the street for the rest of the night. did a shot in the street w a more distant friend of mine who lived down the way even tho he had a 6am EMT shift the next day bc quote “nobody should turn 21 without doing birthday shots” (he was like i would literally call an uber for us to go out Right Now if i didn’t have to go drive an ambulance in 7hrs). when i came back in they were like oh we thought you went to bed? (tbf that was from a guy im not actually friends w. the worst of the stuff was from him all around. but the vibe was the same across the board)

tldr they aren’t purposefully shitty and i’ve gotta be better at communicating my wants/needs. but there’s a distinct distance nowadays that i don’t particularly feel like putting all the effort into closing when they aren’t putting it in either. especially w the other stuff where hanging out w them feels like . stagnancy. why does nobody want to make new friends. why do we just watch movies we’ve all seen before over and over. why don’t we go do something new?

[rayvern-sheep]

Update on my mental health: I am doing better! Just in case anyone read those concerning posts the past few weeks and was worried.

I have kinda long-winded advice sorta shit under the cut if you are thinking of top surgery but know you don’t deal w/ change well, or have got it but are wondering why you still feel like shit weeks later when everyone else seems to feel better. And then some more rambling in the tags if you’re into that sorta thing.

Oh boy it’s long under the cut… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Some advice: if you have a hard time w/ big change, small change, any kind of change. Be prepared to have a hard time w/ top surgery recovery. The general consensus if you research it is that post-op depression is over by abt the fourth week, and that is actually deemed late by some sources. Many said the second or third week. If you are starting to feel worse after that point it does not mean you made a mistake! Don’t panic!

Even though I wrote several notes to myself before the procedure explaining that I did in fact want this, and I know I am bad w/ change, that did not help me when I was in the pits of a doom spiral. I’m ngl that was genuinely the worst I’ve been mentally in years. I had to ring a suicide hotline at one point because I thought I’d lost the point of life. Talk to someone you trust abt how you’re feeling. I just straight up sobbed into my mum’s shoulder abt how I didn’t understand anything anymore and I was terrified I’d made a mistake getting surgery. She talked me through it and reminded me that I’d wanted this for years, that I didn’t go outside w/out a binder on, etc. She reminded me that everyone deals w/ things at different times, just because most ppl feel perfectly fine by the one month mark it doesn’t mean I would. Then after that I just hung out w/ her. The day after that we went and did some chores outside the house. A little time outside is often a good idea, I do regret to inform you.

I’m not gonna say I’m all fixed and perfect now. I’m still low energy and back to hiding in my baggy hoodies (now I can get them on again yippee!!!) but I’m not pushing myself rn. And I wish I had some good advice other than idk have a good system of loved-ones. If you have a therapist talk to them. Don’t be like me and bottle shit up. I’m so good at bottling shit up that I do not notice smthn is getting bad until I’m at the very bottom of the fucking doom spiral and I look up and see how far I fell down it lmao.

I wrote a whole diff paragraph but deleted it. Better version though is just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Surgery is exhausting, and feeling burned-out even after a month isn’t smthn to be ashamed of. Just focus on keeping yourself sane. If possible take it easy, do things half-assed and low-effort for a while if you can get away w/ it. Just while you mentally catch up to your new stuff.

For some ppl top surgery “fixes” all their problems, but for most it does not. Whatever mental or physical problems you had before surgery, you will still have. Now, my surgeon literally told me surgery would not fix everything. I knew this before going into this, before I even had my first conversation with him, and I still had a bad fucking time mentally. So don’t expect to feel perfect. I was in a weird surreal bubble for the first like 3(?) weeks where I was just physically recovering before my head fucking lost it.

I don’t wanna put anyone off, and tbh worrying abt how bad you’re gonna feel can be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I just wanna say that it can get rough. But if it does, you are not alone!!! You’ve not ruined your life, it’s not the end of the world, you still have something to live for. Keep pushing through, take it slow, talk to someone you trust. Try to do things that comfort you and help you feel safe. You’re gonna get through it.

Idk man I just wanted to share my experience on this. Because in my frantic research from the bottom of the pit all I could see were smiling faces saying they felt the best they’d ever felt in their life. It was euphoria all day every day. And the only ppl who weren’t feeling perfect were the ppl unhappy w/ their results. But the thing is I love my results, everything looks as expected. It’s literally how I drew it lmao, couldn’t have gone better. Not to brag sorry. But the point was, nothing was wrong physically. The majority of the physical healing was done, but my brain hadn’t been healing at all during that time. It was just putting itself to the side while the body did it’s thing. And when even proper medical sources are saying that ppl usually start to feel mentally better after the fourth week, and I was actually starting to feel shitty by that point, it rlly made me worry smthn was wrong. I was frantically trying to blame something for what I was feeling. And it was likely a whole mess of shit, with the main culprit being my inability to process change. Dude I freak out when a loved-one gets a tattoo or a piercing or changes their fucking hair. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. It stresses me out. And although I always get over it eventually, I should’ve known that this was gonna happen. After those early weeks of the itchy haze, I totally should’ve known a mental spiral was on the horizon. But I was just so lost in the sauce that was the whole experience.

I would not change the experience of top surgery for the world. I only wish I’d been more prepared for the dive my mental health would take so late in the game. I expected post-op depression. But as I said that’s usually only in the first couple of weeks. So when it didn’t happen I thought I was okay. But oooooo boy. I forgot how slow my brain is at processing shit. And hey, if I did “make a mistake” in getting my tits chopped off. If in the future I’m like “Hey I’m a woman now!” then so fucking what. There are titless women out there, and they’re no less woman than a woman w/ tits so big they break her back. Life is for living so fucking do that. I’ve not butchered or ruined my body even if my gender does change in the future. Get rekt transphobes.

ANYWAY… I think I’ve rambled enough. If I remember smthn I’ll prob add it in a RB cos this post is already long enough now. Thank fuck for the “read more” function. So I can hide all my stupid mushy shit under here and not clog up someone’s dash. Yippee!!

[chronicbloodynoses]

honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!