#i will not talk like a black teenager
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some of you could really use this advice
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I don't feel pain I never escape I'm under the bed I'm licking the floor
#mysmes#mystic messenger#mysme#mysme unknown#mysme saeran#saeran choi#mine#*24#art#unknown#this song is literally called weakling. sooo saeran coded.#half of this was just me trying to get the skin indents from gripping his bicep right. and its still not that good but i tried#whatever i miss this cunt.this fucker was everything to me in 2016-2018 you dont understand. teenage me 🫂 saeran#dont talk to me abt his route i have many conlicting feelings abt it. but i will say his overall portrayal was better in v's route than his#except near the end but even the conclusion to that was like. hm. he just wakes up and is fine. ok.#also why the split personality. bpd saeran was amazing that was even his VA's hc for him in SE. ok i said i wasnt gonna talk abt it IM NOT#... i just think they made him a less interesting ch in his route by splitting him up to a 'good'/'bad' side. like ray WAS manipulative#he's complex! he has a skewed world view + morals and a fucked up sense of self and major black and white thinking#ohh my god im not doing this again im not writing a dissertion in tumblr tags again. its an otome game with a nonsensical timeline
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"Why didn't Megan say anything about Howl's hair being pink when he came to visit?"
This is Howell Jenkins we're talking about, I'm absolutely sure he's been coming home with various hair colours since he was thirteen, I am assuring you this is the LEAST unusual thing about this situation for her.
#I would not be surprised If he actually came with BLUE hair once and deeply regretted it for the next week#before changing back to black#Megan TRIED to stop him cause it's not respectable and everything but she COULDN'T#she's absolutely used to him wearing different colours every two weeks#PINK HAIR is not weirder than like TWO ABSOLUTE STRANGERS he brought with them#one of who is a SMALL TEENAGER#Megan doesn't care about his hair anymore lmao there's more important things to talk about#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howl's moving castle#howell jenkins#howl pendragon#sophie hatter#megan parry
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'trc adaptation is bad bc they mixed timelines and cut out lots of stuff' 'trc adaptation is bad bc they sanitised adam's bitchiness' 'trc adaptation is bad bc they made the ganseys democrats' NO TRC ADAPTATION IS BAD BC IT'S SET IN 2024 and not in 2001 like god intended!!
#trc#trc goncharov#like. even watching them trying to justify adam not having a phone was ridiculous. no matter what he just seems like ✨not like other girls#hashtag so quirky#oh also blue's wardrobe???? why is she dressed like tiktok 00s aesthetic girlie ffs? it doesn't work like that! she's not trendy!#she's a weirdo! she diys every outfit she wears she doesn't own a single black piece of clothing!#and can we talk abt adam changing outfits like 5678424 times during just first 4 eps that I've seen so far#like. be fr. look me in the eye. look me in the eye and tell me that boy owns more than 3 tshirts.#and i will not say anything abt gansey's yacht grandma wordrobe erasure bc everyone already said their piece.#it's just this trend of not allowing teenage characters be the cringe teens that they are#not you tho henry u did great no notes#and if ur asking what is henry doing there in the first season first of all ur racist second of all he's there to slay. next question#*yacht grandPA but u know what. another missed opportunity
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thinking about love in danger days
this is part of my conspiracy theory that that album is aroallo, but i've always gotten the sense that romance and romantic attatchment is much less important to danger days than any other mcr record. with bullets&revenge it's quite obvious as the demolition lovers take up like, everything, and the black parade has a heavy focus on a romantic relationship as well.
while i do think there are lines in it that are romantically coded, there is a definitive lack of emphasis on it- like it's nowhere in the plot at all.
i do think danger days represents a very familial type of love though. while other albums visit a sense of "i want you, i need you, i miss you, i hate you,", this is more like…"i love you, i want to protect you, i'm sorry"
i find this especially strongly in s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w:
"Nevermind about the shape i'm in, I'll keep you safe tonight"
"love, love, love won't stop this bomb"
"run, run, bunny, run"
and other songs:
"i'll find you when the sun goes black"
"just save yourself and i'll hold them back tonight"
"how long until we find our way in the dark and out of harm"
relevant things i can't cover with just quotes are planetary go, oft-theorized to be about party poison and kobra kid, as brothers, leaving battery city together; sing, about the killjoys' last message to the girl while saving her; goodnite dr. death, phrased as him saying goodnight to children; and summertime, which i can't discern the meaning of but seems more like a family type of love.
i think it makes sense that danger days is like this, seeing as it features main characters that take care of a child main character as opposed to main characters that love other main characters of the same age/ability.
another thing i noticed while re-listening to the more sentimental songs for this essay is that there's just a distinctly different vibe to it. So much of it is focused around wanting to protect people, keep them safe and out of danger (<- ha that's the name of the album) and loved. i think this also makes sense, because the killjoys live a very, well, dangerous life without much security, and they'd want to provide what they lack the most. another semi-related thing i noticed is just how much of an emphasis there is on childhood in this album. i feel like there's a vibe of youth or teen-hood throughout the earlier ones, but this is just VERY strongly about kids. again this makes sense cause not only are the killjoys teenagers (a type of kid!) they also have a proper little kid to watch.
also, i wonder how much of this stuff was due to gerard becoming a parent. just something to think about
#mcr#my chemical romance#danger days#ddttlotfk#danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#barely on topic but i hate how everyone always brings up the different greek words for love whenever they talk about different kinds of lov#I DONT CARE ABOUT EROS AND PHILIOS OR WHATEVER!! its actually okay to use adjectives to describe nouns. its okay. you dont need to use more#at any rate im not USING the damn greek love paradigm i see no reason to be chained to its definitions#ppl will be like errhmmm (nerd emoji) (pointing emoji) did you know that the greeks actually had different words for brotherly godly and ro#erhm yes i did know that.#sometimes i feel like danger days feels more energetic and youthful. less serious than the more emo other albums even though i acknowledge#but in some ways i also think it's a lot more mature#like the black parade is a serious mature story but it feels very young adult/teenager vibes. danger days is so strange because it feels si#i guess that makes sense cause the killjoys are teenagers (apparently) but also sort of parents of the girl#i think they have similar conclusions of acceptance and letting go#they just feel so distinctly different#i feel like this is kinda incoherent but i dont care about the thesis enough to edit it#okay since i wrote that tag i have since edited this the autism won#i have to resist the urge to say “stick that in your skillet and let it simmer” (the thing that stoner otter says in acnh) every time i say#i was writing in my notebook earlier and dropped a metaphorical bomb about the black parade and then i feel like i didnt have anything to s#it was so hard not to write that there😭😭
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Anyways speaking of being gay apparently teenagers on tiktok are mad at me because they found out I’m a lesbian who uses he/they pronouns
#txt#there’s something funny about telling a nb lesbian that their identity is ‘terminally online’ while regurgitating talking points#from 2015 transmed tumblr#like first it’s Pearl clutching over masculine women and feminine men and now it’s non-binary lesbians making people go berserk#honestly I wish I could find this funny (I mean in concept it is) but it’s irritating how tiktok incited so much online harassment and#bullying by just making shit up about queer identities and terminology to a point where we’re just back to acting like we have to fit into#our stereotypes. but only the accepted ones because god forbid your lesbian character is masculine lol#I remember a bunch of 15 year olds on twitter blew up at me because I pointed out that dyke is not a term exclusive to black lesbians#because guess where they got that insane ass assumption that ignores decades of lesbian history and queer activism#that’s right! another random ass teenager on tiktok with no sourcing#just gatekeeping a slur meant for all lesbians#I feel like if a tiktoker interacted with a real butch lesbian they’d explode and die
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Me sees a few YouTube videos that are already criticizing the Mutant Mayhem trailer and the characters design, mainly April's design
Me who knows ancient tmnt fun facts:
#oli talks#ooc#muns ramblings#mindless ramblings of a madman#shitpost#extreme shitpost#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#rottmnt#tmnt mutant mayhem#teenage mutant ninja turtles mutant mayhem#now bare with me but perhaps the reason April's a black woman isn't because it's supposed to be a social issue thing#but maybe the reason she's black......is because it's a callback......to her original Mirage comics image#oh wow what a twist it's almost like tmnt fans like making callbacks to the older versions of the franchise#but then again what do I know
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Being haunted by this currently
#saw an artist post this screenshot and immediately was like. motherfucker#after watching a video i dont think hilberts other sprites line up with hinatas outside of kinda vaguely talking with his hands a lot#which probably many characters do#not like how ns just exudes komaeda and kaworu#but this one...#the artist in question posts almost exclusively isshushipping and komahina btw which i run into hilariously often#they werent posting it to make this comparison i just have brain worms sorry#also thinking about zekrom 'ideals and hope' and my fave isshushipping poster putting hinata on his chart of#his hilberts characterization inspirations#oshiete oshiete yo#akira expies#pokemon#unova#black#dr#hinata hajime#also god hilberts pokemas model is so. who gave him danganronpa short torso proportions#were they like... trying to make him look younger than the bw art does?#since pokemon has kinda backpedaled from gens 5-6's more teenage looking protagonists back to younger ones?
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Getting hung up on Tracker and Kristen taking digs at each other when they’re still talking about something bigger like religion frustrates me to no end. Yes they are exes, yes things can come off rude but neither one of them has been wrong in the meat of what they’re saying when discussing religion and the way they practice.
Outside of the fucking or fighting, Trackerbees have ALWAYS been able to understand each other and hear each other out when it comes to their respective gods or religion as a whole. They both have different perspectives to offer, different work ethics, and different wisdoms to share the other because there ultimately is a bigger picture. These young women are both incredibly wise.
They’re also messy ass teenagers! Those bigger, more introspective, and worldly questions will be interspersed with a low blow or two. But it’s a low blow because there can be some truth to it. Focusing ONLY on the low blows and using that to paint whoever you like less as a bad person gets you nowhere. It kinda does a disservice to the story telling when you paint it sooo one note bc Brennan and Ally do SUCH a good job at drawing out the complexities of their relationship. The infatuation, The toxicity, the hurt, the gratitude, the frustration, the support, and the love. All of it.
#whenever they talk there’s discourse about one of them being rude#look me in the fucking eyes and tell me you haven’t said some rude shit to your ex before I dare you 👊#they are teenagers that broke up they’ve hurt each other they’re not always gonna be nice#I respect that they’re comfortable enough with each other to say the rude thing and then still want to lean on eachother and love eachother#there’s so much nuance to their relationship on so many levels#these ladies fascinate me and I’m not gonna villainize either of them bc if you blanket paint someone as shitty bc you didn’t like how they#phrased something the world gets a lot smaller#your circle gets a lot smaller#this is fully coming from personal experience#I have been the upset person that took digs at their ex before#I have been the person that cut people off bc they said something I don’t like#I know there are a wide spectrum of ages in the fandom but a lot of the posts that blanket call someone awful skew younger#it’s not a bad thing it’s just.. very tunnel visiony and very black and white#dimension 20#fhjy
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this is a good time for all of us to remember when I said I would be ready to sing the show's praises if it got better at the things i disliked it for
#everyone called me a bitter hater but no! that show was bad!#it had potential. but that's why i was so hard on it. it wasn't reaching its potential. and now it's doing that and i think that's great#i haven't rewatched yet but i just want to be so clear about the fact that i was never just a hater and i said it all the time#people were so mean to me but i wasn't lying when i said i'd be happy if it got better#i might not even nitpick the race stuff. which. didn't really improve. the girlies just got protective styles#they did that whole thing with elle's transness and nothing about how her blackness intersects there#also tara. it would be so much fun to see how her being black and specifically darkskin plays into her perfectionism#she's darkskin. in fucking ballet. be so fucking for real with me rn. where have you ever even seen that. who is her role model. is she ok#...i still like the direction it's going. but they really still didn't talk about race. which sucks#but honestly now that they're giving the characters more depth i'm less mad at it. they're people not just 2d stereotypes#it'd be cool if they were blacker than just their hairstyles but it's ok. it's progress#see. they didn't even fix all the stuff i want them to fix. and i'm not just being a hater#the people cyberbullying the teenager who didn't 100% love the 30-year-olds' favorite TV show were the real haters all along :pensive:#who knew
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i was scrolling back through my posts recently (looking for an indication of when i had eaten a specific ice cream, don't think too much about it) and it was really something to see how much agony i used to hold, how little grace for my own humanity. I didn't think of myself as being self-hating, and I still don't think that's the best way to describe it, but i was very much living my life with the sense that i was in essence a contemptible person (not a belief I held about those around me) and any flaw I displayed would be the final straw that would make everyone I loved discard me. if you are a teenager and you think you need to be beyond reproach in order to be tolerable, please believe me when I say that's not the case. if you are any age please believe me when I say that's not the case. you are not irredeemable; you don't need to be redeemed. you're fine. everyone around you is also flawed. what you see as errors, no one else is even noticing. it's scary to lower your standards, i know it is, but you need to make your standards for yourself something normal. you're already normal; release yourself from the imposed requirement to be superhuman. sleep in late. forget to brush your teeth. procrastinate that thing you don't want to do. forgive yourself. all of those things are normal and fine. please please extend the same compassion and understanding to yourself that you extend to the other people you love.
#and for real distance yourself from people who are reinforcing those belief systems#(get out of black-and-white moralistic fandom spaces)#or if the relationship is important to you talk about it with them#if you love your mom and she loves you and also she keeps putting pressure on you in ways that hurt you? please talk about it#in retrospect my parents tried hard not to pressure us for specific results but they did pressure us for specific behaviors#and the undiagnosed adhd effects of executive dysfuction combined w my mom telling me i needed to do things was destroying me#i knew i needed to study. i was eating myself alive inside trying to get myself to study. i think i should have talked to her about it#not that i would have gotten treatment but we could have come up with ways for me to not feel like i was disappointing her --#--and proving the poor sense of self right-- when i was trying to do something and it looked like i was doing nothing#anyways. i wanna give my teenage self a hug so bad#'i will give that person the benefit of the doubt i don't know what they're going through' ok do u know what u are going through? also no!#u think u are introspective but ur introspection is so distorted. please give urself a break
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sorry i know i cant stop people from having their headcanons or aus or whatever but i find it kinda silly when people present the idea of silver being shadows son as if its an actual plausible theory.... because all the "evidence" for it is very minor stuff thats easily explained away . and then theres also the fact that in the 06 timeline shadow was put back into stasis shortly after iblis destroyed the world because humanity was looking for someone to blame for it. and silver also says that iblis has been around since before he was born. im aware that the future is always changing so a future where an adult shadow is around to interact with a tiny little baby silver isnt entirely out of the question but wouldnt this plot detail make shadow being silvers biological father very unlikely if not outright impossible??
#also the evidence is always stuff like ''they both have chest fur and arms that match the rest of their body''#okay. well sonic and amy both have green eyes and arms that match their muzzle color. and im pretty sure thyere not related#''theyre lancelot and galahad in sonic and the black knight'' its funny how people use this as evdience that shadow and silver are related#but nobody every acknowledges that nimue the character amy plays (who is actually relevant and appears in the story mode unlike galahad)#is lancelots mom in the original stories or tries to use that as evidence that amy and shadow are related ...#and yes i know that that would make zero sense from a timeline perspective bc amy is younger than shadow#among other reasons and this relationship isnt implied at all either in satbk or outside of satbk#im not trying to argue that theyre related. just pointing out that satbk isnt exactly an authority on main timeline family relationships#satbk is literlaly just the characters playing dressup not every aspect of the lives of the characters from the original stories#are meant to apply to the sonic characters that were used to portray them in satbk#also to be clear im specifically talking about the idea of shadow being silvers dad in the future#not the present version of shadow who is still a teenager barely older than silver being a father figure to him.#i actively hate that second option its so weird and would be a different conversation entirely
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about to vent in the tags real quick gonna be annoying and emo sorry in advance
#I’m back in my hometown this weekend bc my sister had a birthday party today and I baked cake pops for it and made her a bday sign#and tomorrow is my mom’s birthday too#and my (insane) set of grandparents are here this weekend so it’s already exhausting#bc my grandmother is very narcissistic and she talks incessantly#but then I feel left out and lame and it’s just triggering teenage memories#bc my younger brother and younger sister are going with their partners to hang out with each other#and I didn’t get invited#well technically I guess but my mom literally had to be like ‘make sure to invite Oma’#and then my siblings are like oh yeah you know you can come#like no I don’t want to come now bc it feels like a pity invite#and now it just reminds me that I’m the black sheep of the family#in the sense of I’m the ‘weird’ one#I’m the one that doesn’t fit in culturally with where I grew up#(I grew up with rural small town Alabama btw)#and a part of me is so proud and happy I don’t fit in#I have my own convictions and beliefs and interests outside of the way I grew up#but also it’s kind of isolating in a way from my own family#like i know im seen as the liberal one who moved to the city and who isn’t ‘country’#plus because I had a really bad anxiety disorder growing up and I isolated myself due to it I’m seen as weird or standoffish#anyway#i’ll probably delete this later#just needed to type it out
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I want to present masc so bad but with my parents and family as a whole it's near impossible rn
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#(I vent in tags so don't read if you don't wanna read me venting sorry)#I've essentially recloseted myself if that makes sense#I came out to my mom and dad and they were all iffy abt it#“and is it ok if I'm gay too..?” “well that's not rlly possible”#my dad says even tho I just told them both I'm a trans man#I'm near positive they still see me as their daughter and everytime I think abt that I want to throw up until I can't#my mom even told me to hide my identity as a trans man to my very Christian grandma bc it would be “hard for her to come to terms with it”#I came out to them maybe three almost four years ago by now#and I came out to my other grandma and all I got was her saying “yeah it's ok but what if you're wrong?”#“What if you do smth to your body that you can't reverse?”#“We faught for you kids to not have labels and you're going back to them”#she acted like I could get surgery or smth right then and there#all I could do even now if the puberty blockers which is so easily reversible it's crazy I just have to stop taking it#others who aren't trans take it so why can't I#they act like I'm this silly teenager doesn't know what he's talking abt but I've done my research on this stuff#I don't fucking care what my family thinks abt my identity and they can fuck off if they don't wanna accept me#my mom even told me that she “told my grandma I'm bisexual bc she'll be able to comprehend that better”#and my dad literally going “these are nice gender neutral shoes” when I was looking for BLACK SHOES#and he kept repeating it too I'm so sick of this shit I rlly am#I love my family but they rlly piss me off sometimes
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Let’s be honest here, if James and Sirius were girls (into eachother or not) they would be known as the “lesbians” around school.
As someone who went through highschool as a girl having a very close friendship with a girl (and let’s face it, yes I was desperately in love with her and no it didn’t end well, but that’s bedside the point because these rumours went around before I fell for her) we were Always asked if we were dating and when we denied it people didn’t believe us. And if people didn’t think we were dating they thought we wanted to date, and yeah it was primarily guys thinking that which I’m not even gonna get into because that’s a whole sexist fucking gross thing there, but still!
You can’t tell me, if you’re like gen z or in a generation where queerness is known through your highschool and like not the worse thing in the world, that you didn’t have a set of girl best friends that everyone thought were in a queer relationship.
I happened to be in like, almost all the “lesbian” rumoured relationships at my school because, after the first one, I shaved my head and became the school dyke and then any close female friend I had meant I had to be in love with them and if they seemed smiley around me back it was assumed we were dating.
But like, James and Sirius were That Close, and if they were girls, they Would be The Lesbians. If they were just best friends, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were secretly in love with eachother and never said anything until it was too late, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were dating and just didn’t tell anyone, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were dating and did come out and tell people, no one would be surprised.
I think there’s something special about that. And I know from personal experience being known as the lesbian couple of the school even when you’re not isn’t the greatest, but like as someone who’s experienced that and also experienced it in a more positive way (where people were just supportive and wanted us to date because they genuinely thought we’d be good together and we liked eachother) it’s just something that’s bound to happen.
Apparently you can’t have two girls that close to eachother that aren’t your typical “straight laced “normal” girls” and have them not be cast as the school lesbians.
James was a quidditch captain nerdy smartarse, and Sirius is an alternative black sheep with severe mummy issues. They’re gonna be the lesbians.
And I adore that.
#someone write me a fic about it#and make them kiss and be in love#ALSO no hate to ‘normal’ girls obviously. it’s just there were a lot of girls in my highschool with close female relationships similar to my#own and they were never cast as lesbians because they fit into the typical norm of girl that guys liked. you know they were very feminine#and would hem their dresses to be shorter and shave their legs and what not. I’m talking in the earlier years of highschool too. and they’d#just be very typically feminine and often be involved in boy drama and blah blah blah. where as me and my friends cast in this category were#often seen as weird. or at least I was. we weren’t seen as pretty in the way they were and often had hairy legs still or came to school#without makeup. we were kinda nerdy or had strange humour and less of a fashion sense.#mostly we were just a little bit different. especially me. and so yeah we got casted as the lesbians. especially me because I was typically#undesirable to those mysoginistic sexist teenage boys 👍👍👍#wow I did not mean for this to turn into a little rant#it was just a midnight thought that kinda made me laugh that I could relate too. wow. go to sleep jay#jay talks#prongsfoot#James potter#sirius black#James x sirius#marauders#sapphic prongsfoot#lesbian prongsfoot#lesbian James#lesbian sirius
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Watching the rise of red is really funny to me in the fandom space because so many people who have watched it are talking about how they Grew Up on the original Descendants and I’m realizing that not everyone was 16 when the first one came out
#what do you mean you guys weren’t watching that as teenagers?#Like I know it’s like a kid series#But y’all aren’t watching this out of nostalgia??#Or you’re watching it out of a different sense of nostalgia???#honestly seeing people talk about D3 like they were little kids with a very strict black-and-white moral compass#Has really put these movies into perspective for me#Because when you are a mid to late teenager watching these movies the implications are horrifying#but then like seeing how people who really saw these movies as kids and how they interact with them#I get it now like I get why some of them were written that way#descendants
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